#WHICH I AM SETTING AN ALARM FOR SO I WAKE UP AT A NORMAL HOUR. I FORGOT TO DO THAT THIS MORNING LMAO

[codecicle]

Ash how is the fated watching going rn?? You’re braver than most

godd wampus im fucking THRIVING right now. this campaign sucks so bad it's genuinely unwatchable at times and I think that's the appeal to me <3 they spent like 10 minutes just describing and figuring out how the money system works and literally none of them sound like they've ever played dnd before and i don't think it will ever pass the bechdel test once the entire campaign even with velrissa trying her hardest but it goes crazy anyway

br'aad is my favorite character by a lot right now,, he's my FREAKK i love him and his idiot swagger so much. he's supposed to be charismatic but he sucks so bad at it everyone hates him but sticks around with him anyway. he's a warlock and his patron stops time and gives him insight on things/danger to come and kicked off the main plot in the sickest sequence I've ever seen. also his gayboy ass really did walk so every other gayboy slimecicle character could run !! they were so right !! and the party spent the first and second session hating everything he said and did . Took them sooooo long to be normal about him but they got it eventually when mountain (MY MAANNNNNN) defended him. Also he says everything with ^_^ . Just outloud you can hear it in his voice

for the rest I think the only other character that's talking enough to form an opinion on is taxi. and that opinion is STRONGLY a good one o(-( ! his banter with br'aad is so fun they're the only characters that feel Real and In The World so far and I love it so much. the names bit where br'aad kept getting his name wrong and calling him "saxi" and whenever he corrected him br'aad would just go "I know saxi. Nice to meet you im br'aad!" actually had me in tears at a certain point they're the only ones that have gotten me to laugh fr fr so far

sadly velrissa mountain and sylnan just Don't Fucking Talk so i don't have any real concrete opinions on them yet other than "hmm. Interesting ^_^" velrissa and her necromancy stuff is so neat so far I hope we get to see it in action soon instead of just small mentions here and there. same with the dynamic between sylnan and br'aad I NEEED to see more snockers scenes like their sibling scamming bullshit seems so cool I can't wait for them to emotionally rip my heart out through my throat. I can feel it coming

honestly the main appeal of it all is the characters and the characters alone. them slowly becoming friends and trusting each other will fuck with my brain permanently. I already cheered out loud when they so much as INSINUATED that they could stand br'aad and his charisma and they don't actually hate being around each other like that made me so happy. their meeting makes no sense but that's okay the Shenanigans with the solid snake box and br'aad trying and failing to stealth was so fun and "nice forearms, and a nicer staff!" and the little weirdo gremlin goblin following them around they're all very scared of and creeped out by (except for br'aad. he is strongly sexually attracted to goblins. this is canon and brought up over and over again) all make up for it. the story really doesn't matter to me here at all ^_^ all i care about are the characters being happy and traveling together and that's what makes the campaign enjoyable for me

[heyimkana]

24 Hours with You (Satoru Ver.) - Ep. 1

Series Masterlist Chapter Summary: The first episode of a mini-series where you’ll live through the hours you spend together with your husband, Gojo Satoru. Pairings: Gojo Satoru x Female Reader Genre: Domestic AU, Fluff, Romance, Smut, Humor Word Count: 8K Warnings: whipped, clingy husband!Satoru, sassy!Y/N, shoujo manga inspired backstory, endless sex jokes, and overall cavity-inducing fluff with a little bit of smut at the end (no actual sex scenes...yet)

Episode 1: Morning

06.02 AM

Your very much-needed sleep abruptly comes to an end the moment your husband’s alarm—not yours—begins to ring, his phone vibrating on the nightstand next to his side.  You try to ignore it. You really do. After all, he just let you go to sleep three hours ago.

Granted, yesterday was Valentine’s Day and there was no way someone as insatiable as Gojo Satoru was going to end it with just one or two rounds of normal sex, especially not after he went out of his way, spending hundreds of bucks to buy you a set of lingerie that he’d been dying to see. He made sure to dress you up (you’re his favorite doll after all), his grin plastered ever so cheekily on his face. He held his phone steady in one hand, recording the way you not-so-gracefully stepped outside the bathroom in your new lingerie, dying out of shame because—“What the hell did you buy me?!” Which he casually replied with, “A bunny suit. Now turn around and let me see your tail.” To be honest, that wasn’t even the worst part.

(The worst part was when he said, “Now is my little bunny hungry for some carrots? ‘Cause I got a real nice and big carrot for you right over he—” He didn’t get to finish his line. You punched him.)

The alarm continues to ring, playing a song that you grow to hate more and more each day. “Ugh, turn it off.” 

Satoru doesn’t even stir in his sleep, which comes as no surprise. He’s still lying flat on his stomach, facing you with his cheek drowning in the comfort of his pillow. He looks peaceful. Innocent. Even when his parted lips are still somewhat smeared with the color of your lipstick. And he’s drooling—in an adorable way, of course.

“Satoru.” You nudge his shoulder. “Sa. To. Ru.”

No reaction. It’s like talking to a dead cow. You groan, your upper body pressing against his backside as you reach out to snatch his phone from the nightstand. With bleary eyes, you turn off his alarm before returning it to the table. You fall back to the side of your bed, flinching as your body still feels sore from last night. 

A smile forms on your face. Finally, it’s quiet again. 

You still have two more hours before you have to leave for work. I can still sleep for one hou—

The alarm starts again, playing the same damn song. 

Of course. How could you forget? Satoru’s the type who sets his alarm every ten minutes just because he’ll totally ignore the first fifteen times. Are you really this tired to not remember this? Yeah, probably.

You pull your blanket over your head. Maybe you can just pay no attention to it like your husband.

Just ignore it, ignore it, ignore it.

Yeah, you can’t.

You toss away your blanket, frustrated. “Satoru, turn it off!”

Finally, the devil wakes up. He moans, his voice husky and heavy with sleep, sounding so effortlessly sexy but you’re just too irritated to acknowledge it that way. “What’s up with the loud noise..?” Sinking back into his pillow and tugging his bedcover up until it reaches his ear, he mumbles, “Honey, I’m still sleepy… Let’s fuck some other time…”

“Oh, we’ll fuck never if you don’t wake up and turn that damn thing off.”

“It’s your alarm.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes.”

“Toru, it’s literally Hatsune Miku playing.”

He giggles, still with his eyes closed. “I love Hatsune Miku.”

“Oh, for God’s sake.” You repeat your motions, basically throwing yourself over him so you can reach his nightstand. Satoru lets out a little oof under your weight, groaning. “Babe, what—” You turn a deaf ear to him, making sure to sink your elbow into his back because he deserves it. Once you get his phone in your hand, you switch it off—the phone, not the alarm. “There. Done.” You slap back his device to the table. “Now let’s go back to sleep.”

You’re about to jump back to your side when a pair of strong arms tangle themselves around your waist, pulling you down until you land face-first on his bare chest. “I don’t think so, pumpkin,” he simpers, nuzzling the tip of his nose against the crook of your neck. Suddenly, he’s as bright as daylight. “I can’t believe you’re being so aggressive this morning. Did we not do it enough last night?” He puckers his lips, baby-talking you when he says, “Is my little baby bunny still hungry for her carrot?”

“Satoru, I’ll say this as nicely as I can. Release me now or there will be blood.”

“How is that nice?” He pouts, jutting out his lower lip. He’s hitting thirty and he still thinks he’s adorable when he does that (he is, actually, but let’s not tell him that). 

Now, boyfriend Satoru would have insisted on holding you close, but husband Satoru? Oh, husband Satoru has gone through some pain. He knows better not to test you. He releases you with a sigh, his eyes drooping like a sad puppy as he watches you crawl back to your spot. “You’re so mean.”

“You love me that way.”

The corners of his lips twitch up again. “That I do.” 

Satoru turns around to his side, gazing at you with the bottom half of his face concealed by the blanket he shared with you. He doesn’t really tell this often, but he loves seeing you in the morning like this. That silky nightgown. Those kiss marks on your neck and shoulders. The way your hair is so messy from all the tugging and pulling he did last night. You’re his masterpiece.

“What?” You ask, unable to sleep with how he glues his eyes on you.

“Nothing,” he smiles to himself. “You’re so pretty.”

At this hour? “That’s bullshit.”

“It’s true!”

“Well, thank you for the praise, my dear husband, but complimenting me isn’t going to make me give you a blow job at six in the morning, so can you stop staring and let me sleep? I have work in two hours. One hour and a half now ‘cause you keep on yapping at me.”

To anyone else, you would sound vicious, but like you said so yourself, this is why he loves you. To Satoru, you look the prettiest when you’re annoyed, especially when you’re annoyed because of him. It makes him feel special in such a weird way. Having spent all his life being objectified by women—and men—for his looks, and treated with endless flattery because he came from a prestigious family, you, with your feisty attitude, appeared in his world like a breath of fresh air. 

(Or maybe he’s just a masochist.)

With lips curving in joy, he pokes your cheek. “Babe, babe.”

“Go to sleep, damn it.”

“I will after you answer my question.”

“Just one?”

“Just one. Promise.”

“Fine. What?”

“Do you remember when we first met?”

You open your lids, staring flatly at the ceiling above you. This dumbass is really trying to play his nostalgia card at six in the morning. You take a glance at him from the corner of your eye. He has stars in his eyes. Great. You know he’s expecting a long answer but it’s too fucking early for this. “Yes.”

“You do?” He props himself up on his elbows, his voice a pitch higher. He’s basically sparkling, giddy with excitement. “What was it like for you? What did you think about me? Did you like me from the very first start? Did the world freeze when your eyes met mine? Hehe, I bet you had a massive crush on me~ I see you’re not saying anything so is it true? You totally did, didn’t you? Oh my God, baby, that’s so cute!”

You just lie there on the bed, half-dead, half-deaf, zero energy and he keeps prattling in your ear. “You’re really not gonna let me go back to sleep, huh?”

“Nope,” Satoru replies, making sure to smack his lips in case he wasn’t irritating enough. “Hey, hey, answer me, answer me.”

Somebody kill me, please. “Okay, fine, you wanna know the truth? I used to hate your guts.”

“Eeeeeeeeh?” 

“Don’t eeeeeeh me.” You pinch his cheek, ruining his pretty pout. “We couldn’t stand each other during high school, remember?”

“I never hated you, though?” He’s sliding his arms under his pillow, hugging it close as he peers at you with a twinkle in his eyes. “I’ve always found you cute,” he confesses, followed by a girly squeal. Satoru buries his face in the pillow, his legs flapping against the bed. “Aaaaah~ Saying it out loud like that is so embarrassing~”

“I’m gonna punch you.”

“No, seriously. You’ve never heard me saying I hated you, have you? And you know me. I hold my grudges. If I hated you, I would’ve made your life a living hell. But I didn’t, right?” He takes your hand, his thumb gliding across your knuckles before he replaces it with his lips. “I made you the happiest woman in the world instead.”

“With your money.”

“With my love,” he corrects you, flicking your nose. “Do me a favor and try to remember the first time we met. Didn’t I show you enough how much I liked you?”

The first time we met?

Okay, a little flashback.The first time you met him, it felt like you were living the life of a shoujo manga protagonist. Remember all those corny stories you read back in middle school? When character A—a female lead who was so clumsy, it was a wonder she survived the whole trip to school—met character B—the handsome male lead who seemed aloof and mysterious but turned out to be nothing but a warmhearted kid with a traumatizing backstory—in front of the school’s gate where they exchanged long stares filled with yearning and affection even though they just met? It always happened in the spring, for some reason, at the beginning of a new term. There were cherry blossom petals fluttering in the background, the words thump thump and syalala~ scattered all over the page among her inner monologue that went something like, “What a handsome boy… He looks like Prince Charming… And he has such long eyelashes too… Oh no, what is this feeling? Calm down, my heart! At this rate, he’s going to hear it!” Remember those corny lines? Yeah, well, your story went down just about the same.

“What are you panicking about? Just climb up and jump.”

“I can’t climb—I’m wearing a skirt!”

“You’re worried that I’ll see your panties? Honey, please, I’m a gentleman. I won’t stare. Plus, polka-dot panties aren’t my thing.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M WEARING POLKA-DOT PANTIES?!”

Okay, maybe your story didn’t go exactly the same. But it’s true that you first met him in the spring, at the beginning of the school’s term. There were no cherry blossom trees swaying in the background because God hated you and He wasn’t that fond of adding pretty things into your life. Gojo Satoru was pretty, sure, but only until he started yapping. And knowing Satoru, he’s always yapping.

You had promised yourself earlier that day that you’d do better. Be better. No more running late to school, no more procrastinating on your homework, and maybe even try to socialize more with people (you shuddered at the thought). You didn’t wake up late that morning, and you went to school just on time but there was a car accident on your way there, forcing you to take a detour, so—

“I hate my life,” you grumbled to yourself, staring tiredly at your high school’s gate in your fresh uniform that was no longer as crisp and tidy as it was from all the running you did. The huge wrought iron gate was closed and locked. The students were already sitting in rows inside the hall, sleeping through your principal’s morning greeting. You had your bag slinging on one shoulder, your short, pleated skirt swaying as it was kissed by the wind. Your hair was sticking uncomfortably to your skin, glued by your sweat. So much for wanting to keep perfect attendance, you thought. This is the worst.

Little did you know that God in heaven was like, “Worst? Oh, honey, I’m just getting started.”

Because there he was, a devil sent from the deepest pit of hell. Your ‘Prince Charming’, walking out of a fancy black car and kicking the door closed without even thanking the poor driver. Gorgeous silver hair. Electric blue eyes. Piercing in his right ear and a bubblegum lollipop in his mouth. 

Gojo Satoru.

He was a second-year student just like you but that was all you had in common. He was popular, so popular, and you didn’t have to think long to figure out why. He was a prodigy, excelling in both sports and academics, never failing to rank first in every exam, and it was so exasperating because he never seemed to pay attention to any of his classes. He was just born smart. And rich. Always carrying the new iPhone, never wearing the same outfit when he traveled outside. His Instagram was filled with photos of him taking trips to Greece and outer space (not true). His socks were made of rare breed silkworm’s saliva and his shirts were ironed by a dozen crying maidens (also not true). Apparently, his father was this big CEO who worked really closely with the government so you often heard his family name mentioned on TV. And, to top it all, he was handsome. Like unbelievably handsome. Even you had to admit that. Ridiculously tall, naughty smirk, pretty voice. He was the boy that Taylor Swift would make a whole album about.

Lucky bitch.

“I know,” Satoru said, noticing the way you were staring at him as he walked closer to your spot. He pulled the lollipop out of his mouth, gazing down at you (because, again, he was as tall as a tree) with one corner of his lips raised higher than the other. “I’m handsome.”

You weren’t exactly staring at him because he was handsome—okay, yeah, maybe you did. A little. “You’re late too?”

You had never interacted with him before and you were 99.9% sure he didn’t know your name, so maybe you should’ve started by introducing yourself to him. Or telling him not to be so cocky ‘cause who the hell started a conversation like that?

“Yep.” He plopped his lollipop back into his mouth, coloring his tongue blue. “But unlike you, I chose to be late. Needed my beauty sleep, you see, but you get that.” He stretched out both hands in the air, cracking his neck. A little strip of perfect fair skin was shown above his belt but you looked away, clearing your throat. 

“So,” he yawned. “Are you going to climb first or should I?”

“What?”

“The gate, genius.”

“You want me to climb up the gate?” 

“How else are you planning to go inside?”

“Well, true, but…” You looked around. Your usual school guard was nowhere in sight. Yes, the gate was quite high and you could hurt yourself making your way down but he could lend you a hand, right? It would be easy. You could stealthily slip yourself into the student’s hall after that. No one would notice. There would be no problem.

Well, aside from one thing.

“What are you panicking about? Just climb up and jump.”

“I can’t climb—I’m wearing a skirt.”

Satoru arched an eyebrow before he chuckled. “You’re worried that I’ll see your panties? Honey, please, I’m a gentleman. I won’t stare. Plus, polka-dot panties aren’t my thing.”

You blanched. “How do you know I’m wearing polka-dot panties?!”

“Oh, I got it right?” He rolled his lollipop to the side of his mouth for the sake of putting his annoying smile on display. “I must be a psychic or something. On top of my good-looking face? God really does have His favorite, huh?”

“Probably 'cause He feels sorry for giving you such a shitty personality.”

His jaw dropped. He knew he had a shitty personality but he thought girls loved that about him. “Well, aren’t you feisty,” he muttered, and you were worried for a split second that you might have upset him—not that you cared about his feelings specifically, you just didn’t want to jeopardize your connection with him (He was rich, okay? It would be great for your future career if you were friends with someone like him). But then, Satoru stuck his hands inside the pockets of his pants, leaning close with his lips pulled back in a cheeky grin. “You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met. Wanna go on a date?”

Oh, that did it. Those little chances of you having a crush on him? Gone. “Gross.”

“Ouch, okay, that actually hurts,” he pouted, rubbing the center of his chest where you just shoved him. After taking a moment to examine your face—you really did look like you wanted to kill him—Satoru gave up with a sigh, shrugging. “Well, whatever. I’m going in.” He pivoted on his heels, making his way toward the gate. “I’ll see you never, Polky.”

“Wait!” 

He clicked on his tongue, turning around to say, “Yell louder, will ya? Our school’s guard is practically deaf but I’m sure people in China would love to hear what you have to say.”

“You’re annoyingly talkative.”

“Part of my charm,” he replied. “I feel bad for you for not seeing it, honestly. Now, what is it? First period’s about to start.”

You thought about it, your eyes flying back toward the double-door gate that was attached to the compound wall. It looked sturdy enough to maintain both of your weights. If you made the jump, you’d still have the chance of being the perfect student for the rest of the semester. But did you really want to ask for his help? He was definitely not going to let it go if that was the case. Oh, you knew he was going to be so annoying about it.

“Any day now, cupcake.”

Yeah, I’m not doing it. You weren’t the type who was so against swallowing your pride if the circumstances demanded you to, but if it involved him? You’d rather die. “You know what, it’s fine. I’ll just go home.”

“What?” He knitted his eyebrows, watching you spin around on your heels. You were truly a piece of work, huh? So stubborn to admit that you needed his help. Throwing back his head and groaning dramatically, he exclaimed, “Ugh, fine. Just give me your bag.”

“What—Hey!” 

With nimble hands, Satoru managed to snatch it away before you could let the thought sink through. He carried it with one hand, not stopping under your command. You chased after him, and you were so close to getting it back before he flung your bag to the other side of the gate—and so carelessly, mind you. 

You watched it land on the ground in horror. “Are you crazy?! I got my iPad in there!”

“Whoops,” he grinned, clearly didn’t feel sorry in the slightest. “Okay, your turn, Princess. Come on, I’ll give you a lift.” 

Ugh, why is this happening to me? Left with no choice, you made your way to him. “Don’t call me that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He bent his body forward, exaggerating a bow. “I meant, it is now your turn, oh her Royal Highness of the Democratic Republic of Polkaland—”

You pushed him down by the shoulders. “Shut up and get down on your knees.”

“Oooh, so demanding~” he cooed, but his flirty tone vanished instantly the moment he felt your foot stepping on his shoulder.  “Whoa, wait—dude, your shoes!” 

Okay, that was your bad. Should’ve taken them off before you did that. Now his black blazer was painted with soil. “Sorry,” you winced. “I’ll help you clean later.”

“Yeah, yeah. You weigh like a ton, by the way.” Oh, you know what? He deserved it. Actually, he deserved more dirt. “Are you rubbing your soles on me?” He gasped.

“You wanted clean shoes, right?”

“Not by using me!”

You ignore him, curling your fingers around the iron bars. “I’m going up. Promise me you won’t look.”

Satoru sighed. “Like I said, I’m not interested in seeing your—aw, aw, aw, aw!” Tears emerged in his eyes. Not only were you stepping on him, you were also using his head to maintain your balance, gripping his strands a little too tightly when you felt that you were seconds away from slipping. “Fuck—Stop pulling on my hair!”

“I’m trying not to fall!” You regained your balance. Feeling a bit sorry, you placed both hands on the bars, gripping them firmly as you stood on his shoulders. You stretched out one arm, fingers clawing against the iron as you tried to reach the top. You got it. Now, all you needed to do was pull yourself up. 

On the count of three. One… Two… Three… Pull!

Eh?

“What now?” Gojo asked, his patience wearing thin. His shoulders were throbbing in pain. You weren’t actually that heavy for him. It was the way you were stepping on him, treating him like mud that’s the issue.

You felt your cheeks growing hot, your voice reduced to whispers when you answered, “I can’t do it.”

“What?”

“I can’t pull myself up, okay?!” You yelled in shame. You had calculated everything except for the part where you barely had any muscles in your arms to carry your own weight. “I’m too weak!”

“And you couldn’t have thought about that before you used me as your doormat?!”

“See, this is why I told you I was going home!”

“But your bag is over there—”

“WHOSE FAULT DO YOU THINK THAT IS?!”

Oh, both of you were giving each other headaches for sure. “Okay, let’s try another plan,” Satoru said. “I’ll go first and I’ll pull you up.”

“Can you? You’re built like a twig and you said I weighed a ton.”

“It was a joke, Polky, lighten up. And excuse me, I have muscles, all right? You just can’t tell underneath all these clothes I’m wearing.”

“It was a joke, Twiggy, lighten up.”

“Oh, you little—”

“Enough, we don’t have much time.” You climbed down his shoulders, exhaling in relief once you were back on the ground. “Want me to give you a push?”

“As much as I would loveto use you as my doormat, I got this.” He brushed the dirt off his shoulder and tossed his lollipop to the nearest bin. “You just stand there and look pretty,” he winked. “And try not to fall in love with me too fast.” 

Before you could land a kick to his shin, Satoru made his leap, making it look so easy that it almost convinced you to give it another go. He sat down on the top rail—thank God, this gate didn’t have any finials—with his legs settled on both sides to maintain his balance. He took a quick scan of his surroundings to make sure you were alone before he tossed his own bag to the ground. “Okay, I think we’re safe.”

Satoru returned his attention to you, and for a moment, you exchanged stares. “What?” You narrowed your eyes, suspicious. He just grinned, flashing his teeth and you knew he was up to something again. “No,” you mumbled out as realization dawned on you. “You’re going to leave me here?!”

“Abandoning my princess? Of course not.” His eyes glinted with mischief. “Say that you’ll go on a date with me and I’ll pull you up.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Am not.”

“I don’t even know you.”

“Well, this is your chance to get to know me,” he smirked. “Come on, just one date. I’ll take you somewhere fancy.”

“Not interested.”

His smile slowly began to fade the more you rejected him. “You’re seriously saying no?”

“Want to hear it in German? Nee.”

“That’s Dutch.”

“Whatever.”

Satoru took a moment to himself, both confused and baffled (and a bit amused, actually). But surely, no one would reject the Gojo Satoru, right? Yet, there you were, glaring at him as you said so. “Huh,” he poked his tongue against his cheek. You weren’t sure whether he found you vexing or even more… interesting. He accepted his defeat with a heavy exhale, just for now. “Fine. Call me Your Majesty then. If you do it cutely, maybe I’ll pull you up.”

“Oh my God, why are you suchan ass, Satoru?”

“Oh, the princess knows my name!” He claimed in delight, already forgetting the shame from your rejection. “It’s about time you tell me yours.”

“Yes, it’s Miss Fuck Off from Class B. Now, give me your hand and pull me up!”

“Say the magic word then.”

Oh, this isn’t worth it. This is so not worth it. “Fine,” you said, and to his surprise, you whirled around and walked away.

“Wait, you’re leaving?” His smirk faltered. “What about your bag, Sweetheart?”

You didn’t bother to look back. “I don’t care. I’ll get it tomorrow.”

“That’s stupid!”

“I’d feel stupider if I had to kiss your ass.”

“Would you prefer to kiss my lips instead?”

“Goodbye!” 

You stomped away. For a couple of seconds, there was silence, and you thought, oh, I actually managed to shut him up. You mentally gave yourself a pat on the back. You might not have your bag with you. Or your wallet. Or your phone. And if you were really planning to go home like this then you’d have to walk for five blocks, but! At least you got to leave him speechless. That was quite an achievement, wasn’t it?

“If you come with me I’ll pay for your iPad!”

You’re back at the gate. “Would you be so kind as to lend me a hand, your majesty?”

Satoru laughed. A genuine laugh actually came out from the devil’s mouth. It almost felt strange. Somewhere deep down, you imagined that he’d have a creepy laugh, or maybe even maniacal. But no. His laugh was so, so adorable. So boyish. So…heartwarming. It was the kind of laughter that would make you smile even when you were clueless of what he was laughing about.

“You’re funny, I like you,” he said, sending tingles to your cheeks which turned you completely into the typical shoujo manga protagonist. 

Eew, what the fuck, did my heart just skip a beat? Gross.

Congratulations. You just had your first shoujo manga-worthy inner monologue.

Satoru extended his hand. “You better hold tight, Princess.”

“If you let go, I’ll kill you.”

“I’ll keep you safe, I promise.” Another smile, and there it was again. Your heart doing things inside your chest. You tried to find some excuse, blaming all of this on his looks.

Satoru pulled you up, holding you securely yet so gently by the waist once you reached the top rail. He held you close, noticing how you were shaking a little bit when you felt the fence rattle underneath your weight. This is strong enough to hold us both, right? You couldn’t help but worry. When you were finally sure you were fine, you began to notice the pleasant, intoxicating smell lingering on the little space between you. His scent… It was wonderful—sumptuous and warm, and you figured, that described him perfectly as a person. A mix of cedar woods and cypress, with a bit of sweetness to it. It almost reminded you of—

“The Last Day of Summer.”

You blinked twice. “Huh?” 

“My perfume,” he smirked. “The Last Day of Summer by Gucci. You like it?”

“What—no,” you scoffed. “I didn’t even notice it. You smell like sweat.”

“Is that so?” He was definitely not buying your bluff, but he played along, just for a moment. Satoru leaned in, his right hand moving from the dip of your waist to your wrist, his fingers covering yours. You could feel the tips of his strands tickling your cheek, your body freezing up the moment his breath grazed your neck. You found yourself holding your own, your eyes closing shut when he took a sniff at you.

Wait. Sniff?

Satoru pulled away, scrunching up his nose. “I think that’s you, Polky. Did you miss your shower this morning or what?”

“I will push you.”

“Aaw, but then who’ll help you get back down?” He tugged you toward him, his face hovering just a few inches above yours. He tapped his finger against your nose, matching the words he said, “Not. So. Smart. Are you, baby?”

“You—”

“HEY! YOU TWO!” 

The thundering voice of a man caused you both to flinch. Your gym teacher—Yaga Masamichi—was there, probably glaring from behind his sunglasses and fuming in his sweaty track pants. “What are you doing?! It’s your first day and you’re sneaking out already?!”

“Interesting point,” Satoru answered, unbothered. “We’re actually planning to sneak in.”

“Teacher’s office. Now.” He didn’t have the patience—or maybe the time?—to stay and lecture you both. He walked away, grousing under his breath.

You let out a heavy sigh. It was only ten in the morning and you already felt so tired. Unlike you, Satoru was still brimming with energy. If anything, he seemed even cheerier than before. “Well, it sucks that we got caught but we had fun, right?”

“Let’s just get this over with.”

“Okay, Miss Grumpy.” He so casually ruffled your hair as if you had been friends for years. “I’ll go first.” He hopped off the fence, landing back on earth almost as gracefully as a cat. You wished you could follow his lead but from that height? You weren’t so confident. “It’s all right, Princess,” he said, noticing your worry. “I’ll be here to catch you.” 

That was actually one of your concerns. Not because he didn’t seem like he’d be capable of doing so, but more of what would come after he caught you. 

You’d be… in his arms, right? And then what?

Fuck, it’s just Satoru. You didn’t even care about him until now. Just jump.

So, you did. Without thinking too much about it, you removed your hands from the railing, but you didn’t jump toward him as you were too stubborn—and embarrassed—to do so. The chance of killing yourself over this was close to zero, right? You’d be fine.

You could feel your feet touching the ground. You were okay. Or at least, you thought you were. Your shoes, unfortunately, weren’t made to do such a reckless stunt. Your soles were too slippery, and like stepping on ice, you lost your footing, your eyes burned by the blazing sunlight as you felt gravity pull you down.

Until a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your waist.

“For God’s sake,” Satoru said, and you felt his words reverberating from his chest since you had your face pressed against it. He sighed, removing one hand from your hips to cup the back of your head. “You should’ve jumped towards me, you idiot.” You could feel his long fingers slipping between your locks, forgetting to breathe air into your lungs when he pulled away, gazing at you solemnly. “Look, it’s cute to be stubborn and not want to ask for my help, but what would you do if you got hurt?”

It’s corny to say this (actually, everything that had happened in the last fifteen minutes was corny. You weren’t sure why your life—and yourself—had turned into this state. You were doing okay before he showed up in your life.) but you were lost in his gaze. The sky above you was brilliant blue, so breathtaking as it was painted by God Himself, and yet… When you compared that to his eyes... 

They’re so pretty… He has such long eyelashes too…

(You have got to stop reading shoujo manga. Seriously. Maybe head over to shounen. Blood, death, and eternal suffering—that would stop you from thinking about his lashes.)

Satoru was close. So, so close, that a butterfly awakened in your chest.And was it just your imagination or was he leaning even closer to you?

“Huh…” he mumbled out. Locking your eyes together, he gazed deep into yours, not romantically—though you were too consumed by his stare to tell the difference. It was more like… He was in awe. 

You fidgeted. “W-what?”

“Your eye color changes a little under the sun,” he smiled, sweet and youthful. “Pretty.”

Mush. There was only mush in your head. And Satoru. “You—You’re too close! Get off me!”

He giggled, easily catching your hand before you could shove him away. “You’re blushing? So cute~”

“Why are you two still here?!” Yaga, the same teacher from before, returned with a volleyball in hand. Apparently, he left earlier to get his equipment. “Didn’t I tell you to go already?!”

“We’re going!” Satoru released you, clicking his tongue in annoyance—maybe a habit? “I swear to God, that man needs to get laid.”

“I heard that, Satoru!”

“I wanted you to hear that, Sensei!”

“Are you crazy?!” You slapped his chest. “That’s a teacher you’re talking to!”

“Relax, my grandpa owns this school. He can’t touch me.”

Why am I not surprised? Biting back your sigh, you took a step back, only to realize, great, I bruised my ankle.

He noticed, even when you were trying your best to hide it. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” you said, doing as best as you could to walk without limping. “Thanks for the help. I’ll see you never.”

He matched your steps. “Did you sprain your ankle?”

“Just a bruise.”

“We should visit the infirmary first, just in case.”

“We?”

“I can’t possibly let you go alone.” He sounded like you were asking a dumb question. “Half of this was my fault anyway.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you threw my bag—”

“Because I’m so handsome that you felt too shy to just jump into my arms,” he spoke over you. His lips curving. “Wouldn’t have injured yourself if you just did what I said. But don’t worry. I’m sure there will be another chance.”

I hope not, you shuddered.

“Seems like you’re in pain, Sweetheart.”

“I’m fine.” 

“Want me to carry you?” He beamed at you. “Piggyback ride? I can do it bridal style too, if you want. It will be so cute, we can head toward the sunset together after school.”

“I’d rather die. And stop following me. I’m heading to the restroom.”

“Running away from me? Coward.”

“You want me to pee on you? ‘Cause I’ll do it.”

“Kinky, but maybe some other time.”

Thankfully though, he listened to you this time, returning back the privacy you’d been craving since the moment he opened his mouth. He watched you walk away, his lips slowly curving back up as a new sense of excitement and joy filled his chest. “Hey, Princess!” He shouted, making sure that you’d hear his next words even with the distance between you. “I’ll see you on Sunday!”

“For what?!”

“Our date!”

“Oh, fuck off!”

And that was it. That was how you met your husband. To sum up, he had no sense of delicacy, he talked too much, had no respect for your personal space, and the way he snickered every time he saw you? Ugh. Yes, he was pretty. Yes, he made your heart race. But you’re not that shallow of a woman to be with someone just because of their looks so nothing ever happened. Not right away, at least.

These childish banters and unfortunate meetings kept occurring during your years in high school. And as if that wasn’t enough, God reunited you once again in college. You thought you were cursed. He thought it was destiny. You still remember how you used to hold yourself back from ripping out his hair whenever he walked up to you, grinning from ear to ear while singing—not calling—out your name. But then you had this one class with him during your final year and your professor put you two on the same project together. You started getting to know him better, and you found out that Satoru had more sides to him, more complex than just a little brat who craved your attention. You got closer. You stopped rejecting his calls. You missed his cheeky grins when he wasn’t around. And when he kissed you when you were crying because your dog just died? It wasn’t that bad. It was comforting. It was warm. And sweet. It was wonderful.

(Yes, out of all the times he could’ve picked, he kissed you after you buried the precious family member who’d wiggled his tail for you for seven years)

And before you know it, he asked you to be his forever and you said yes. Immediately. Undoubtedly. Wholeheartedly. 

“Earth to wifey~” Your husband Satoru pops his head back into your vision. The ceiling that you’ve been staring at for the last few minutes turns blurry behind him. You blink, placing your focus back on him. “You suddenly turned quiet. Is it really that hard to answer my question? Babe, if you tell me you forgot about our first meeting, I’m actually going to shed some real manly tears.”

You heaved out a sigh. “Actually, it’s the opposite. I remember it all too well.”

“Aaaw, baby~” He reaches over to kiss you, only to have you slap a palm over his face.

“Now that I think about it,” you say. “You were so annoying when we first met. And disrespectful.”

He blinks, sweating. “B-babe?”

“Not to mention narcissistic, selfish, impolite—”

“Wait, hold up—What’s going on?!”

“You called me Polky. You called me fat—”

“Wait, this is not the reaction I wanted—You’re supposed to fall deeper in love with me!”

“You threw my bag without permission. You never paid back for what you did to my iPad. You kissed me on my dog’s funeral—oh wow, you were a little piece of—”

“Okay, forget the past, forget the past! Remember that you love me!”

“I think you should go back to your side of the bed.”

“Babeeeeeeee, I’m sorryyyyyyyyy!” He whines, tackling you in a hug, and rubbing his face on your stomach. “You can have my credit card for today. Buy anything you want, okay? No limit.”

“Okay, deal.”

You shake his hand, and the deal is done. Mission accomplished.

“Why do I feel like I just got tricked?” Satoru pouts.

You gently pat his cheek, smiling. “Remember that you love me, honey.”

You can’t help but think that if cupids were real, your cupid must have worked overtime cause damn, what tough work it was to make you fall in love with his insufferable ass. 

“Ah! You just thought I’m insufferable, didn’t you?” Satoru asks, squinting his eyes.

You plant a brief kiss on his lips. “I think about you that way every day, my love.”

“You are so in love with me,” he giggles, snuggling closer to you. “Baby, baby, I’m cold.” He circles his arms around your waist again, landing a cute kiss on your shoulder. You can tell he’s smiling like a child, hugging you like a child, and as much as you want to go back to sleep, you can never find the strength to push him away when he’s like this.

“Fine, we can cuddle. But keep your mouth shut. I’m going to sleep.”

“Okay~”

“I’m serious.”

He pretends to zip up his mouth.

“Okay, good. Stay like that.”

Satoru nods. He holds onto his promise. He keeps his mouth shut.

Can’t say the same about his other body parts though. 

Because your husband is now grinding his hips against your behind, not too much, not too hard, just enough to make you notice that yup, he’s hard. His hands slip underneath your nightgown, skimming over your thighs before they press flat against your stomach. He’s so warm—he’s always warm—and every touch he paints on your skin is both comforting and provoking. 

“Satoru,” you warn him. 

He makes humming noises in response, basically telling you, “I’m keeping my mouth shut, just like you asked.” He’s bratty that way.

You sigh. You decide to let him be. It will take more energy to push him away anyway. Besides, even if he’s insatiable when it comes to sex, Satoru will never force you to do anything you don’t want to. You just have to ignore him.

Which is not an easy feat, unfortunately, because before long, his hands find their way to your breasts, cupping each one fully with his palms. He makes another noise, which you easily translate to “Good morning, girls~” (You know this because he said that almost every other morning). Giddy, Satoru finds himself giggling again, squeezing them from behind but in a way that is so not sexy. It’s like a kid trying out his new squeeze toy in Toys-R-Us. 

You roll your eyes. “Really?”

“Mm-hmm.” He starts playing with your nipples this time. Again, in a totally not sexy way. He’s tweaking, pinching, poking your buds inside with his point fingers, and watching them pop back out again. He’s tittering near your ear and you should really find him annoying but you can’t help but giggle too. He’s so dumb for even finding this entertaining.

“You are unbelievable,” you say, turning your head around just enough to kiss him. You hope for dear God, you don’t smell like your usual morning breath, but seeing how he doesn’t smell like one and still tastes like the whipped cream he had eaten (off your body) three hours ago, you figure you’ll be okay.

You don’t plan to take this further than a playful kiss but when you feel your husband groan against your mouth, pleased by the way you close your lips around his so perfectly, you know you’re losing your battle, and you don’t care. Who cares if you only had three hours of sleep and eight hours of stressful work ahead of you? Satoru tastes so sweet on your tongue. He always does. And you’re addicted to him.

With a little push, you have him lying back on the bed. He has one hand resting on your nape, holding your head firmly as he kisses you deeper. “Satoru,” you sigh against his mouth, his tongue rubbing against yours before he moves down to pepper kisses down your neck. He stays mute, but only because you told him to before (though if you knew it would lead to this, you wouldn’t have said so). Your husband may have the habit of spouting out stupid jokes one after another in his wake, but he always says the right thing during sex. The things you want to hear. The things you love to hear.

You can feel him smiling against your ear, your body shivering at the sensation of his breath caressing your skin. You can’t help but expect him to whisper something, something that you know will make you curl your toes in excitement. Last night he had you begging to turn every filthy word he spoke into action. Today, he just takes your earlobe between his lips, his breathing steady but heavy. The sound of his lips parting… The little mmm when he sucks on the sensitive spot… You're losing your mind.

His touch no longer feels light on your skin, drawing out hushed moans from your lips when he kneads your breasts, his thumb gliding against your nipple from over your gown. A soft chuckle brushes your ear. He knows how much you want to hear his voice. It doesn’t feel right to you, feels like something’s missing. But he won’t do that. Not until you start pleading.

But two can play at this game.

You sit down on his lap, the strap of your nightgown sliding down your shoulder just enough to tease. The sight of the purple bruises he left on your cleavage the night before entices him. You’re so pretty. So pretty when you’re marked and bruised. 

With both hands on his chest, you nibble on your lower lip, rubbing your against his hardness. “I need you inside me.”

“Fuck,” he groans, losing his battle. He starts whining when he sees you giggling. “Baby, that’s not fair. You never said that to me before.” 

“Really?” You roll your hips, rubbing him at the right spot, the right pace. The way you move is obscene. The thin fabrics separating your body from his only add more excitement to your already burning skin. “And does Daddy like it?”

His face nearly explodes. “Oh my God, stop. You’re torturing me.” He sits up only to grab you by the waist before he throws you back to bed with one arm. 

You find yourself laughing when he blows against your stomach, treating you like a child. “Stop, that tickles!”

“I asked you to call me Daddy in the last three years we’ve been married and you always kicked me in the face, and now you’re saying it just like that?”

“What, did you want it to be special? Should I go make you a bath filled with roses, put Hatsune Miku on speakers—”

“Oh, that’s it, come here!”

You’re laughing until you can’t breathe, your leg pulled and your arm pinned behind your back. He tickles your sides, his smile playful and bright, filled with mirth. This joy you both have, you’ve never shared it with anyone else. And maybe he feels that too. Because when he flips you around, pressing your bodies together, Satoru’s gaze turns soft. He leans close, gathering your face in his hand. There’s no laughter, no giggle, no mischief in his eyes, only honesty. His voice sounds deep yet gentle when he speaks, “I love you.”

No matter how often he’s said it in the past, how much he’s said it yesterday, it always feels like it’s the first time you hear the words. And it’s rare for you to say it back to him, but he doesn’t mind. He understands that you often struggle to portray your feelings with words, too shy to say it under his overwhelming gaze, and if you ask him, it’s one of the reasons why he cherishes you so dearly. Because he knows whenever those words do come out of your mouth, you truly mean them.

Like now.

Cupping the back of his hand, you press your cheek further against his palm. “I love you more,” you whisper. “Every part of you.” And there’s so much more you wish you could say, but will your words ever be enough to describe them all? It wasn’t obvious to his eyes before as you were good at masking your emotions with sarcastic remarks and mean retorts, but reminiscing those old days you shared with him… It really made you realize just how much you’re in love with the man you’ve shared the last seven years with. You’ve grown so attached that even the thought of spending some days alone without him scares you to your bones. And with the way he’s gazing at you right now, ocean eyes filled with the same amount of passion and affection as they were on the day he confessed his feelings to you for the first time, it’s only right for you to be overwhelmed by your emotions.

Sometimes it scares me because I never thought I’d feel this way about someone.

Even the simplest thought of losing you, of not having you wake up beside me in the morning, is enough to haunt me for days.

Stay with me. Don’t ever leave me.

I love you.

Satoru.

“I just… I love you so much…” And you hate that it’s all you could say. 

But it’s enough. It’s more than enough. Because Satoru is blushing, his eyes turning round, his lips parted but no words can be found. He just looks at you, astonished by the vulnerability you display on your face. The honesty. The purity of each gesture. How beautiful you are…

“Satoru?”

He pulls you into his embrace, burying his face in the crook of your neck. Hugging you so tightly, he barely gives you a chance to breathe and yet, you only wish for him to hold you tighter. You can’t tell just how much your words paint vibrant colors to his world—and bold red to his cheeks. “Are you planning to give me a heart attack?” He murmurs near your ear, a hint of shiver in his voice. “What the hell was that?” 

You can’t help but chuckle. Embarrassed Satoru is the best kind of Satoru. “Sorry.”

“You kidding me? Say it again.” He returns the space between you, but only for an inch or two because that’s all he can bear. He strokes your face, his heart beating hard enough that you can almost feel it on your skin. “I think this is the cutest you’ve ever been.” 

“I’m maxed out for today, though,” you say, wincing. “You’re gonna have to wait another ten years before I say that again.”

“I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes,” he smiles, gliding his thumb across your cheekbone before he kisses you. “My sweet, sweet wife. I’m so happy I kissed you that day. Sorry your dog died, though.”

You chortle. “Honestly, you couldn’t have picked some other time?”

“You looked super cute when you cried, okay? Sue me.”

“You’re so ridiculous.” But you press his lips against his anyway, both of you smiling into the kiss.

“Babe.”

“Hmm?”

“Can I have your tits back in my mouth?”

“Sure, why not.”

“Can I… also bring my carrot back to my bunny’s mouth?”

“Aaaaand we’re done.” With a little shove to his chest, you send him back to the bed. 

“Wha—” He sputters, mouth opening and closing like fish out of water. “Babe—”

“I’m gonna go make some coffee.”

“No, wait!” He shuffles quickly to his knees, holding onto your wrist. “Honey, I was kidding!”

“Moment’s gone, Toru.”

“But I’m still haaaard,” he cries, and whines, pleading at you with his pretty eyes.  “Baby, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll behave so come back to me? Please?”

You already have one foot off the bed, tossing him a look over your shoulder. “You have hands.” Tying up your hair in a messy bun, you step down, smirking. “Use them.”

“Babeeeeee~”

You lean in to kiss him on the nose, patting his cheek when you say, “Take your time.” 

As you walk away, you hear him mumble sadly behind you, “But your carrot…”

Yeah, your husband is insufferable.

And that’s why you love him.

***

Next Chapter

Shoutout to @justasketch and @princess-okkotsu for being my first readers and for not throwing up from the excessive amount of cringe in this fic. Love you, babes ❤️

[stuffeddeer]

I GOT A SILLY IDEA AND IT WONT LEAVE ME ALONE

IMAGINE LIKE DAZAI AND S/O LIVE TOGETHER AND BOTH WORK AT ADA BUT S/O DOES NOT WANT TO BE LATE LIKE NOT EXACTLY KUNIKIDA SHE WOULD LIKE TO JUST SLEEP AND HATES GOING TO WORK EARLY BUT JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BE LECTURED BY KUNIKIDA AND SHE LIKES TO LIKE WAKE UP EARLY SO SHE HAS TIME SO SHE JUST HAS LIKE AN ALARM 4 HOURS BEFORE THEY SHOULD EVEN LEAVE, JUST FORCING HER EYES OPEN😭😭😭 AND DAZAI IS IS NOT HAVIN IT HOLDING ONTO U IN BED FOR DEAR LIFE AND TRYING TO GET YOU TO GO BACK TO SLEEP😭😭😭😭 AAAAAAARCTKVGRJVKTKVT

He turns off your alarm once you’ve fallen asleep.

The operation is covert, sneakily unwrapping his arms from around you to try and not wake you up. It takes a bit of effort, forcing his mind to let go of the comfort that comes from embracing you, but it’ll be worth it when he’s able to do so for longer when the sun comes up. Slowly, he’ll twist out from underneath the covers and away from the fluffy mattress you occupied, tiptoeing quietly over to your side of the bed.

Dazai slips your phone off of your charger before quickly (and yet still quietly!) fleeing the bedroom you two shared. You weren’t a light sleeper, but if you caught Dazai you’d probably banish him to the couch for the next few nights. Once in the hall, he’d input your password (your birthday, how cute dumb!) and open up your alarm app. Two alarms graced Dazai’s vision, one for nearly four hours before your shift starts and another for 15 minutes before, which is when you two leave for the Agency.

With a grin, he slides the on button to off for the four-hours-before alarm, deciding to benevolently leave the 15-minutes-before alarm on. It was most assuredly out of the goodness of his heart and not because he knew you’d be angry learning he shut off one of the alarms, much less both.

Maneuvering quickly back into the bedroom, he plugs in your phone and sets it back on the nightstand before throwing himself on top of you.

“’Sssamu..?” You murmur, your words slurred from sleep as you shifted beneath him.

Feeling proud after a job well done, Dazai peppers kisses along your cheeks before climbing back under the blankets. “Sorry, go back to sleep. Just am excited to hold you.”

“You were already holding me,” you pout, eyes still shut as sleep starts to take over once more.

The brunet says nothing as he pulls you back into his arms, eyes shutting easily as he thinks about tomorrow morning.

Used to your usual alarm clock, your body wakes up around four hours before naturally. Dazai coaxes you into staying in his arms, mentioning several times that you’ve never forgotten to turn on your alarm before - you must’ve just awoken earlier than normal. But that's fine, you two can just stay in each other’s arms until the actual alarm goes off, right?

[dorkofclanlavellan]

Break In

Note 1: Requested by an anon a while back. I got inspired after waking up at 3 am and started writing. Then accidentally purged my inbox before I could copy the actual request. Note 2: This is set in the same storyline as Bruce Wayne's Sweetie (I think indirect sequel is the wording I'm looking for) Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batfleck) x GN!Reader (referred to as Sweetie instead of y/n) Warnings: Mediocre writing skills, Bruce's anxiety over Sweetie, swearing, good ole b&e, mentions of murder, mentions of child abuse, switching POVs. I'm so sorry.

"Of fuckin' course this happens on a Monday." Sweetie swore under their breath as they drove back towards their bakery. "Just don't get pulled over, dummy."

They were almost home when they realized they'd left their cell phone and wallet in the bakery. They didn't like being late monitoring Bruce's patrols. As it was, he had already been on patrol for about an hour.

Little did Sweetie know, as they parked in their usual spot behind the bakery, that the silent alarm had been tripped.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Bruce had just left the scene of a store hold-up turned to murder, determined to find the killers before the end of the night.

After he was securely in the Batmobile he noticed the alert that someone had tripped the silent alarm to Sweetie's bakery.

"Alfred, has Sweetie shown up yet?" He questioned, a tinge of worry in his voice. He didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Sweetie was the type of person to stop and help turtles cross the road and has come home late with a stray kitten before.

"No, sir, I haven't heard from them. But you know it's not unusual for them." Alfred's response would've almost reassured Bruce.

But after what the Joker did to Dick years ago, and after what he had seen at the convenience store tonight, Bruce couldn't shake the dread in his stomach.

He decided to track their phone, just to be safe, it was one of the things they'd agreed to shortly after he revealed that he was Batman to them. That along with a new security system that was connected directly to him and the GCPD.

Fear squeezed Bruce's heart when he saw that Sweetie's phone was still at the bakery and he immediately began racing towards the bakery. Hoping he wouldn't be too late.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Sweetie hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary at first but when they opened the back door of the bakery, they heard a slight rustling noise further into the bakery. Grasping the stun gun Bruce had given them Sweetie moved as silently as possible towards the light switch. When they flipped the lights on, though, the sight before them nearly shattered their heart.

A child. Couldn't be older than 13. He was crouched down by the front display case, which had been pried open with the crowbar at his side next to a dim flashlight, and was wolfing down a loaf of bread that was baked just that afternoon.

Sweetie could see the all too familiar signs that they had personally experienced. Clothes that were in just good enough condition to keep authorities from being notified. A couple of bruises at various stages of healing that could easily be dismissed as normal childhood occurrences, but Sweetie knew better. He was staring at them like a deer in headlights, trying to figure out how to escape.

Pushing back tears that had surfaced along with the memories of their own shitty childhood, Sweetie broke the silence.

"You know that bread won't fill you up very well. Why don't you take a seat and I'll make you a bowl of stew?" They said in a tone that was both gentle and let the kid know that they weren't taking no for an answer.

Sweetie walked around the still-frozen kid, behind the counter. They noticed the register was untouched, as was their wallet which was sitting on the shelf below.

They remembered the silent alarm and put in the code to let the police know it was a false alarm. They then spoke with an officer on the store's phone and assuring him that they had just doubled back to retrieve their phone and wallets and forgot about the alarm.

But knew if Bruce had seen the alert, he wouldn't be satisfied until he showed up and talked with them face to face. Sweetie turned and faced the kid who'd finally stood up but still looked ready to bolt.

"Actually, why don't you join me in the kitchen. You can tell me what you do and don't like." With that said, Sweetie walked into the kitchen and breathed a silent sigh of relief at the sound of the kid reluctantly following them.

The last thing either one of them needed was for Batman to come barging in and scaring the shit out of an already terrified kid.

Sweetie made sure to position themselves between the kitchen door and the kid while they got everything together to make stew.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Bruce found himself wishing the Batmobile to move faster or at least for the bakery to not be on the other side of Gotham. The longer it took for him to reach Sweetie, the more terrified and enraged he became. If anything happened to Sweetie, the person responsible would be given no mercy.

"Sir, it would seem that the alarm at the bakery has been classified as a false alarm." Alfred's voice interrupted Bruce's dark thoughts. As Alfred read off the officer's notes on the phone call. Bruce noted that while it did sound like something Sweetie would do, he didn't believe it to be the case.

He was still going, as far as he was concerned, Sweetie had claimed false alarm under duress.

Once he finally reached the bakery, he couldn't get inside fast enough. He didn't notice the lights were on until he busted open the back door.

He was very confused when he didn't see anyone in the main area. Especially after spotting a crowbar on the floor next to a flashlight and Sweetie's phone on the counter.

Then he heard noises coming from the kitchen and followed the sounds as quickly but quietly as he could. He didn't want to risk the perp harming Sweetie if they were a hostage.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

"When's the last time you had a proper meal, kid?" Sweetie asked casually while chopping up a carrot for the stew.

"I get free lunches at school." The kid mumbled.

Sweetie had learned that once the kid had realized they weren't going to hurt him, he had taken on a surly demeanor that almost made them laugh. They knew the kid was putting on a tough act and they knew why. Their brother was the same way.

"My dad kept a lock on the fridge that only he had the key to. During the summer my brother and I only ate peanut butter sandwiches, instant ramen, and whatever candy bars we could shoplift." Sweetie informed the kid, which seemed to get his attention. "And if he caught us with a stolen candy bar or trying to get in the fridge, he had this paddle he made at the lumber yard he worked at for a while. It had been painted blue and wrapped in blue tape. He'd made us watch as he wrote our names on it in Sharpie. My brother tried hiding it once, my dad just used a bat on him until he revealed where he hid it. Sure it was a plastic one, not a real one but still."

Sparing a glance over their shoulder at the kid, they could see the look on his face that confirmed what they already suspected.

"Do you like celery?" They asked, changing the subject for a moment. After getting his answer, Sweetie resumed making the stew.

They heard the kitchen door open and based on the gasp and scrambling noises coming from the kid's direction, they already knew who it was.

"Batman. I'm making stew." They said, looking up at their lover's masked face which was now contorted in a look of surprise and confusion. "Would you like to join me and….what's your name anyway, kid?" They asked turning towards the boy who was now standing in the far corner of the kitchen, gawping at The Dark Knight.

The boy's eyes slowly turned towards them and his jaw moved a couple of times with no sound coming out before he managed to choke out a single word.

"Jason."

[444meat]

this post is a bit long but please read it if you do not have a sleep disorder, more specifically if you don't have a circadian rhythm disorder, i need y'all to understand something

i never thought i would have to write this, but yes, sleep disorders can be incredibly disabling. my sleep disorder is a disability.

i had to drop out of highschool as soon as i was legally able to do so. i had health issues my entire life, both physical and mental, but the brunt of my physical health issues started when i was fourteen. i had to repeat grades and certain classes due to frequent absences. by the time i was sixteen, i could not attend school without a manual wheelchair. as a young adult now, i can't leave my house without a powerchair if i'll be expected to walk more than five minutes, and even then, it's much better for me to just use one unless it's totally impossible. on top of that, i experience flu-like symptoms that make leaving my house extraordinarily difficult. by the time i dropped out, these symptoms were disabling enough to keep me home, though they were not as bad as they are now.

i bring this up to point out that i am otherwise physically disabled, and to carry on to say that these symptoms were not the driving factor to me dropping out. living in a major city, there is a significant chance that i could have found a school to attend which could accommodate me. it would not be easy and i would still have a much harder time than other students, but it would be an avenue worth exploring. i would be able to try it. considering my financial situation, i would have been able to afford a private school. i could do online schooling. there were options.

because of my sleep disorder, we literally could not even look.

my waking hours vary wildly from day to day. sometimes for weeks at a time i will wake up after sunset and fall asleep after the sun has risen. i've had weeks where my sleep schedule more closely resembled friends i had made on the other side of the world than people i knew in person. even then, i cannot properly adjust to being awake at night, because there are also times when i'm awake on a seemingly normal schedule.

i briefly attended an asynchronous online school before dropping out. it was the best one i could access. it was awful. the lessons were bad, the teachers were bad, the work was bad... not even only in quality. there was a lot of ableism and other bigotries that demoralised me. because i couldn't attend the virtual classes due to my sleep schedule, i also fell behind academically, and because of my other health issues, i didn't have the energy to catch up.

making doctors appointments is terrifying because i never know what my sleep schedule will be like when the time comes. most doctors in my area are extremely booked. i've missed a rheumatology appointment and had to reschedule for six months in the future, and because i had to stop taking my pain meds from GI side effects and my allergy meds stopped working, i had to go without any medication that entire time. i physically cannot force myself to wake up without getting enough sleep because my body is fragile and i will start experiencing severe & unbearable symptoms of my other disorders. these cannot be pushed through. i cannot even try.

the "best doctor" for circadian rhythm issues in my area — a major city, might i remind you — only takes patients during early morning hours. this is not a joke. despite the most common circadian rhythm disorder causing people to wake up late and fall asleep late, the guy who is the "best" for treating them doesn't see people after 11 am. it is easier for me to maintain a 'wake up at 3pm, fall asleep at 6am' schedule than a 'wake up at 3am, fall asleep at 6pm' schedule. i cannot see this doctor. when i briefly managed one appointment with his secretary, she just told me to set an alarm and fall asleep at the same time every day. that was all of her advice. like i have not tried that.

as far as i'm aware, there is a single medicine approved to treat the condition i have. last time i checked, it costs something like three thousand US dollars a month. 6 times as much as my old heart meds, which were already very difficult to get covered, even with really good health insurance. the meds supposedly take months to even start working.

i had a delayed sleep wake rhythm my entire life and ran on very little sleep to get to school, to the point that i started uncontrollably falling asleep at school after my health issues started and necessitated more energy than my body had. my sleep cycle started moving forwards as it does now when i was sixteen. before i stopped attending, i would frequently attend school on 0 hours of sleep, get home, and fall asleep immediately.

the world is not built for people with circadian rhythm disorders. my sleep disorder makes functioning on a normative level impossible.

i NEED people without sleep disorders to stop treating this like it's some funky and low stakes thing to deal with. i am so tired of having people tell me they 'wish they could be nocturnal' or that they 'love staying up all night' when i tell them about my sleep disorder. you DO NOT want this, and this is VERY DIFFERENT from occasionally staying up late for fun. yes, being awake during nighttime hours can be freeing. it stops being freeing when you have no choice on the matter, have to be socially isolated for weeks on end, cannot reliably schedule doctors appointments, cannot attend school or work any job with specific hours, cannot maintain an eating schedule or a schedule for taking medication because you're never awake at normal times, etc etc etc.

and it's not as simple as taking melatonin. when i take melatonin it stops working after two uses and the times it does work i get at most 3 hours of non-restorative sleep and my sleep schedule either goes back to what it was before the next day or gets significantly worse much faster than it normally would. it's not as simple as not using screens. i've been in settings without screens for months and still had it happen. i've lied down for 8 hours trying to sleep and failed. there is no easy fix. this is how my body works.

yes it's a disability. no you don't want it. it's not a quirky character trait. think before you speak please.

a note: this is not intended to state that being otherwise disabled is not also a valid or genuine reason for dropping out of school. there's a good chance i would've had to drop out anyways, and i can't attend school now with how my symptoms have progressed, regardless of the sleep schedule. i wanted to illustrate how the combination of a sleep disorder and other chronic illness makes my life significantly more difficult and how it reduces my access to accommodations and care.

[fairyygodmotherr]

How to get relaxation🧘‍♀️

Today I will tell you one method that helped me get strong relaxation from the first time. I came up with this method initially for myself personally and did not think that I would tell it to anyone. But maybe it will be useful to someone.

Initially, I used this method in my routine for entering the void. Because I've learned that it's helpful to say affirmations when you're asleep. Then an idea came to my mind. I decided that at first I would sleep for 2 hours, and after that I would set an alarm for every hour. So that I can wake up and say affirmations again until I fall asleep.😴 For example, if I go to bed at 1 o'clock in the morning, then I sleep peacefully until 3 o'clock in the morning. After that, I set an alarm for every hour (4,5,6), until I finally have to get up and start my day. I had no plans to get some kind of relaxation, I just wanted to repeat affirmations when I wake up on an alarm clock. I remember trying this method for the first time. It worked when the alarm rang a second time. I turned it off, but it was such a strange feeling. To be honest, I don't even know how to explain it. I felt a very strong relaxation and I knew that if I surrendered to this feeling, I would fall somewhere (perhaps into sleep paralysis). And I was afraid of this, so I constantly jerked my body so as not to fall asleep, because I was afraid to surrender to this feeling. And no matter how I changed my position, this feeling continued because of which I could not sleep normally (but I really wanted to sleep, but I could not do it because I was afraid). I was afraid because I thought that I would fall into sleep paralysis, and at that moment I was not ready for this. Now I regret a little that I missed the opportunity at that time, as it is difficult for me to achieve relaxation.

So this method worked for me on the first try, I didn't try it again, but I think it's worth repeating. I am sorry that I cannot explain in detail the feeling that I experienced (it's really hard😭). In any case, you can try adding this to your routine if you like.

[swampstew]

Can I please have Marco or Ace (or polyam) with a gn or he/him reader. A fluffy date to the beach together or a roadtrip? Thaaank you and I hope you are well <3

(I didn't see a list of chars you don't write so hope this is okay - if not ignore me haha)

Hiiii! I am sorry it took me a while to finish this request but I hope you like the end result. I gave you a polyam relationship with he/him pronouns for ya, AND a road trip to the beach💋

All SFW and fluff, Marco X M! reader X Ace, existing polyam relationship, no description of reader but addressed as he/him. WC: 848 Minors DNI - my content is for mature audiences only

The sound of your phone alarm startled you awake. You sleepily slapped at it until it fell off the bed and turned off. Disgruntled, you paw around for your partners and find the bed empty.

Odd.

Normally there are 3 bodies spooning into one another this early in the morning.

Resting your eyes, you slowly processed everything and kept an ear out for clues or noises that gave any indication of where Marco or Ace are. Then you heard it. The soft, muffled sounds of men trying to hide their footfalls as they moved around. It sounded like they were moving things, some heavy and some not as you tried to discern the different sounds each man tried to repress. Tired huffs for heavier loads, a spry step on the wooden floorboard from a young man trying to sneak around.

You didn’t have to wait long – the men in question entered your shared bedroom and dogpiled on you.

“Y/N! Time to wake up!”

“Yoi!”

“What’s going on?” you ask them as you wriggle from under them.

“We’re taking a road trip to the beach!”

Oh hell yeah!

“What should I bring?”

“Just you’re cute self, Y/N,” Marco booped your nose.

The center console of your car could be moved back to allow a third seat between the driver and passenger seats. That’s your designated seat. Even embroidered a little name tag to the fabric.

Since the nearest beach was nearly 2 hours away, you started playing a classic playlist that everyone could enjoy. Bopping your heads and belting the choruses out loud, you took turns skipping through songs and serenading each other with popular music from your respective eras. Marco was more a smooth Jazz and Classic Rock type of cat, while Ace leaned more towards R&B and Pop music. You’re tastes hit everywhere in between theirs which made for a well-rounded lineup.

You fed Marco little snacks as he drove while Ace did the same for you, playing license tag games or ‘I Spy,’ passing the time in between your karaoke performances. Before you knew it – the beach was in sight.

“Oh its perfect!” you crow as the sun hung nice and low in the early morning. It wasn’t overly hot and there were just enough wispy clouds in the skies to cover up the harsh light before it felt overwhelming.

You helped Marco set out the extra large blanket over the sand and assisted Ace with unfolding the chairs and large umbrellas. You all took your excess clothes off and took your time with it, sitting closely together to rub sun lotion over each other’s sensitive skin.

Setting out your items, drinks being made in the background while someone set up the BlueFlame speaker for some relaxing tunes, you took a moment to meditate privately. So happy and so grateful you were able to get away today. To get some rest and relax with each other away from the hassles of living in the city.

Ace finished blowing up some floaties for you all to laze in while you floated in the ocean. Nursing your drinks in the rubber side cup holders, your head tilted to the sky and you adjusted your sunglasses so the sun wouldn’t burn your eyes – Marco would never let you hear the end of it.

You must have nodded off because you jerked awake when your bottom was dragged against the sandy shore.

“Heh! Hey sleepyhead! Ready for lunch? And sunburn reapplication? It may be too late for you actually,” Ace ran his hand over his neck as he helped you up.

“Oh! Yeah we’re going to have to aloe vera you up before we leave and apply it every few hours for the next 24-48 hours-yoi.”

“Sun, you have betrayed my trust yet again!” you sigh woefully.

Marco and Ace broke out in laughter, “He’s so funny!” Ace wiped a tear from his eye.

“He’s also dehydrated,” Marco tossed you a water bottle from the cooler.

Properly fed, hydrated and sun protected, you switch on and off between swimming, hitting a volleyball back and forth, and reading your book while sun bathing. Time didn’t exist for you – at least, not until the sun decided to set and put an end to your little getaway. You pouted the entire time as you packed up and got back in the car to go home.

Ace volunteered to drive so Marco could rest a little on the drive back. It took 3 minutes for him to fall asleep pressed against the window. You and Ace giggled at him and conversed quietly during the drive.

“What a wonderful day, I’m so sad it’s over,” you sigh.

“Don’t be sad it’s over! Cherish it until we can take another trip.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course! We’ll take you anywhere you want to go,” Ace ruffled your hair and pulled you into his side, steering with one hand.

You hum happily, “Noted. In that case, can you take me to get an ice cream?”

That made Marco jerk awake, “I want a double scoop on a waffle cone-yoi!”

[katriniac]

So I find myself simping hard for Artem Wing this morning, and decide to nurse that ache by re-reading my favorite Tears of Themis card stories.

First up is Por Una Cabeza

When I first pulled this card, all I knew was that I was getting ARTEM WEARING A FANCY MASK.

But then I read the story and was confused.

Like, really confused.

Spoilers below the cut if you haven't read this card yet.

This post has two parts. Maybe three if I decide to include the video call? So look in my reblogs for the rest of this recap!

This card's story is set BEFORE they are in an established relationship, before any love confession takes place.

So ... both Rosa and Artem are having similar nightmares at the beginning, but the reader isn't aware they are reading a dream.

Now that I am reading it through again, I can more fully appreciate the other-worldliness of the "nightmare" and understand why everyone is acting strangely with bad memories, lol.

The bright red digital clock face glaring at Tosa in the fancy hotel lobby makes MUCH more sense more that I know it's her own bedside alarm clock she's incorporating into her dreamscape.

Also? ALSO?!? TODAY, the day I'm reading this right now is December 24th! What are the odds! I totally forgot this story takes place on Christmas Eve, because they call the event the New Year's Ball. Idk why... 🤷‍♀️

Anyways, back to recapping my favorite moments:

🥹 @ Artem second-guessing himself, worrying about you, wondering if you're okay, and if it's his fault

Awwwww, Artem!

His pouting face!

That's just like him to be concerned, and to jump to the conclusion that it might be his fault. He also wants to get to the bottom of any problem you have, so he can:

Discover the root cause of "Problem X"

Understand the reason for your distress

And plan for ways to fix/avoid it in the future so you never have to encounter/worry about "Problem X" ever again

Yes, this man is a 'fixer' but he does more than put a cosmetic bandage on things. He wants to make sure you never have to experience that same hurt a second time. He wants to learn from his own mistakes and others to prevent problems in the future. He wants to control the outcome by preparing for any eventuality.

The amount of energy and effort he puts into his "Rosa Long-Game" is mind-boggling.

Okay, I could go on forever about Artem's control issues, how amazing he is, and what makes him perfect husband-material.

So let's not get lost in the weeds out here. Back to the story!

There is this sublime moment where the two nightmares meld, as if the two of them are sharing the same dream!

And they meet FINALLY, after hours of panicked searching and confusion:

So they eventually wake up, and they decide to text the other to see if they're awake, and it turns into a phone call. No biggie. Just a phone call. At 2am. Between coworkers. Talking about their dreams. 😘 Nothing peculiar about that, right?

Everyone does that with their colleagues, don't they??

😏 Sure .... sure.

Next:

We find out Artem only knows one dance.

Which isn't exactly weird... many dudes don't know any dances.

What is odd is the one dance this shy boy knows:

The tango?

One of the most sensual and passionate dances ever?

Really?

Really.

The tango.

That's your go-to dance, Artem?

Okay.

Let's keep reading:

Ohhhhhh.

*BREATHES*

We get a glimpse into their month-long practices.

30 days of being caged in Artem's arms, spending every day after work in close proximity, working up a sweat.

Oof.

And then once you're confident in the steps, the fun part of the "act" both partners must put on to sell the push and pull of emotions.

The haughtiness, the indignation, the desire, the attraction, the softening and relenting at last, all of that passion needed to put on a good show!

Yup...

...Just what two normal work co-workers do on a daily basis.

TOTALLY NORMAL. 😏

*nods*

Yup.

"Suitable tango partner"

Uh-huh.

Artem. Artem! Stop lying to yourself!!

And then there's THIS:

LMAO @ Artem wishing for a weapon to fight off anyone else who might try to take her away from him.

"Everyone will know"

*sucks in breath*

Possessive!Artem is a really really hawt Artem.

Just sayin'

🥵🤤🥴❤️‍🔥🫠😍

AND they mention his adam's apple! Okay, this might not be a turn-on for other people. But it is to me.

I can point at obvious times in my life where I've decided that a certain action/attribute is attraction or sexy. But not the adam's apple. I have no explanation for why I find it mesmerizing!

But bless the writer who decided to mention that specific anatomy in this story! Shout out to you for adding to my swoon! 🫡

End of Part 1 - Check the reblogs for Part 2

[marmotsomsierost]

I have been sick since fuckin. What day. The fuckin 16th of december is when this bullshit started. It is JANUARY FUCKIN FIFTH. That saturday i woke up, coughed (not super unusual with this persistent stupid postnasal drip crap) so hard i puked all of the little i had in my stomach out (super unusual) and had a scratchy throat for the rest of the day. Didn't think anything of it. Was feeling kind of but not really better towards evening. Then, decorating the tree, cough drop in mouth, i go to fling a string of lights up and inhale said cough drop, which lodges just below my thyroid.

I do not die. The dog and the husband are not convinced. I use actual words to mention the not dying thing. They are...slightly more convinced.

Sunday i wake up with sensation in throat, not like pain, not raw, just like...there's something there that isn't normally there. Have minor cough and very raspy voice. Sinuses mostly clear. I wake up on the 20th and have literally no voice. I need my voice to be able to triage people. I call out sick. I go back the next day, it's fine. Still little cough, mostly clear sinuses, just suddenly a tenor. This continues until the 25th.

Dinner on christmas i find annoying to eat. It's like my throat has decided it's full and the stomach goes 'eh okay sure let's stop' in weird agreement. I go to work the next day.

I have turned into the crotchety old man you never see out of scooterdress with snus in his lip and a suspicious possibly-sentient coffee mug in one hand and the other hand tucked into the front of his bibbed pants. Basically Bjørn Sundquist. Anyway.

I now have a coughing wheezy rasp where by the end of the night i will cough all the air out of my lungs, die, gasp in air, cough that out, die again, then am able to breathe again. Unfortunately not shiny and chrome. Still. I call out the next morning, have a video visit, get some antibiotics and an inhaler, we're good to go right.

Wrong. Turns out pretending really really hard that you don't have a fever does not actually get rid of said fever. I call out again. I'm off work the next three days anyway, that gives me a nice block of time to finish my antibiotics and get back to normal.

There's no tech for the two days before new year's day so when i show up despite sounding like a zombie everyone is all 'oh thank god you're here' and 'we have a tech?? We have TWO TECHS?? Yeah!' But about four hours in i keep getting the concerned face and side-eye of concern and avaunt foul beast from the rest of the ED. The doctor tells me i sound worse than half of the patients. The PA listens to my lungs and says something like 'wow with that cough i figured your lungs would be shit but they're actually really clear'. The loud triage nurse says 'well hell marmot's been coughing for weeks and she's still here' loudly several times in earshot of patients whose chief complaint is 'cough since this morning' and the night shift triage nurse tells the charge nurse that i can stay in the back, he wants to keep the front plague-free.

I almost call out yesterday. I had the phone in my hand but an alert went out that the evening tech called out and wednesday was a shitshow so i was like okay, i'm not that bad, i'll go in.

I should have called out. I have alarms set for when to take the sudafed and the cough medicine and the inhaler because time is fake at the best of times and this ain't the best of times. I survive to the end of the shift. I blow my nose before i leave and my ears pop- the right clears fast, the left clears by the time i get home.

I'm off today. Cough is demonstrably better in frequency if nothing else, even without regular doses of medicine. I get home from dropping samus at the vet (she's fine) and blow my nose again, and ears pop. Left ear won't clear. It doesn't hurt but it is driving me absolutely batshit insane. It's like juuuust on the edge of fucking with my equilibrium. I've tried gum. Decongestant. Antihistamines. Soak in hot bath in our dwarf-ass tub as best i can. Am about to try broiling in a shower.

I'm so tired of this crap. Where is bones with a magic lung-fixing ear-clearing pill when you need him.

[the-heaminator]

@apersonwholikeslotus's admittedly late birthday gift, Have the spy fic, bastard <3

Featuring: Mental breakdowns, attempted dissociation, cuddling and children being children

Morning came....and went, Arthur had set an alarm for 7 in the morning, they didn't have to clock in today so at least they were safe on that frontier, but neither woke up from it, both were simply not present in this current dimension whatsoever, Arthur's face was buried deeply into Ivan's strangely soft chest, and his nose ad nearly nuzzling Arthur's greying hair, but neither woke with the alarm, no matter how loud it rang.

They just slept through it, clearly, their bodies were trying to make up for lost time or something because neither usually slept this deep, or this long, they had both slept sometime past midnight, and now it was two in the afternoon, about 14 hours sleep was not something they were used to, not in one night at least, they'd both gone entire weeks on less sleep than they had gotten that night, and if you add the four hours they slept earlier, that was 18 hours of the past 36 being spent asleep. That was half the bloody time!

Arthur was the one that stirred first, he tried to stretch but was inhibited by Ivan's arm, warm, soft, but also very strong, oh he would not be moving anytime soon, not if sleepy Ivan had anything to say about it, he tried to move, he really did, but just as he had gotten somewhat somewhere, Ivan grabbed him back down and snuggled him like one would do to a teddy bear.

Well, it couldn't be that late could it, he could have a bit of a lie in, goodness knows when was the last time he did that eh? Not 5 minutes later he was back into a deep sleep, 2 and a half more hours, it was four thirty in the fucking afternoon, and only then did Ivan get up, not even wanting to get up, he needed to piss, only then he realised that he was hugging the everliving fuck out of Arthur, and let him go, which did wake him up, albeit slowly, they both squinted in the light, what bloody time was it????

Turns out waking up at four fucking thirty in the afternoon was not something they had even considered the possibility of last night. That just simply was not something they thought they were even capable of doing and had of course not factored it into the schedule, because why would they, Ivan checked the clock, Arthur was sleepy and couldn't see it very clearly at the best of times, he just usually kind of guessed based on what he could see, usually an hour or at least 5 minutes off.

Ivan stared at the clock for a while "Ivan, what is it?"

He spoke oddly "Arthur, am i going blind or does the clock say 4.35?"

Arthur looked at it, it looked close enough to what Ivan said, and he agreed, albeit mildly "Yes, i do think it is 4.30 in the afternoon."

Neither of them pointed out that they had very much been cuddling not a couple minutes before, that would fuck with the severity of the situation, besides, what could they do, from this point onwards they would be doing this more often, so why not start getting used to it, and oddly enough it was very comfortable for the both of them, neither received much physical touch normally, nor really at all, this was likely the most either had been held earnestly in decades, and neither could bring themselves to hate it right now.

Ivan got up, "I should be heading home, i have already stayed long enough, and you probably have things to do."

Strangely Arthur didn't want him to leave, not just yet at least, don't ask him why, he did not know, "Don't we have a couple more things to sign?"

Ivan groaned and very resolutely said "Fuck paperwork, sincerely with a chainsaw, but i do have to go home, these clothes are not going to last much longer, we need them signed by the end of the week no? You sign the documents you need to, pass me the ones I need to, job agreements you know, and anything that needs both signatures on them, you do first and drop it by whenever."

That was absurdly logical and he couldn't really come up with anything against it, but then remembered "Wait, we can at least do the marriage agreement now can't we?"

Ivan raised his eyebrows, Arthur was acting a little erratic, he was usually a lot more controlled than this, like a lot more, he hadn't eaten anything odd, had he? Ivan was watching whatever he ate, and knowing Arthur it was unlikely that he ate anything before or after that, so what was up? 

Arthur himself didn't frankly know, he was feeling odd himself but had no clue why, he mentally cursed when he saw Ivan looking at him with genuine concern, this wasn't cause for concern probably, he just needed to get the work done, yes, that was it, if there was anything else underlying then it is doubtful that even Arthur would know what it was, so let him have his fun.

"Arthur, you are acting strange, are you hungry?"

That was completely fucking out of the blue, since when did being hungry made him act strange, bullshit this was, yes, why were his thoughts so fast, they weren't usually like this, more controlled, more precise, less erratic, they were jumping around and he couldn't catch head or tail of any of them, what the fuck was going on, he needed his tea, yes that, why was Ivan looking t him like that. why did he want to hit him, rather why didn't he want to hit him, he would hit anyone else that looked at him with, that wasn't pity, that wasn't concern, what the fuck was that?

"Arthur?"

Breathe.

"Yes, Ivan?"

"I asked whether you were hungry, but you didn't respond, are you?"

Was he hungry, probably not, so he answered as much.

Ivan most certainly was hungry, but they may have used all of the food Arthur had in his house for their meal yesterday, so he couldn't even cook anything "Fine, then shall we sign the marriage agreement and then I have to be off."

The agreement was signed, as any little piece of paper would be, this wasn't real of course, this meant nothing, nothing at all, Arthur gave him the papers that only he needed to sign and deal with, and with that Ivan bid his farewell, leaving Arthur alone once more.

It all of a sudden just felt very empty, his house never felt like this, not even when he hadn't slept in his bed for a week or more, or when it was clean to the point of it almost being sterile, it felt many things, but not just plain empty.

He fiddled with his ring, caught himself doing it, and stopped it, Ivan had gotten into his head far too quickly, though a nagging part of his mind insisted that he had always been there, ever since they first met each other thirty-odd years ago, he never left really, and this was just making it worse.

He never wanted to tell his mind to shut up more than he did now, what on earth was even going on in his head right now to be thinking like that, it almost bordered on disgust really, he never acted like this, no wonder Ivan thought him to be acting odd because he was acting fucking odd, maybe he was hungry? Nah screw that, he wasn't, last night's dinner(?) was bigger and better than he was used to eating, he was full.

He just had to get back to his work, yes, and he needed his bloody tea.

As for Ivan, he could've walked home, but chose not to, the buses were running just fine and even after that extremely extended nap they took, he was tired, he was not normally this tired, not at all, he also found himself fiddling with the ring, the blasted thing was just a little too small, that was fucking embarrassing wasn't it, he could still somehow feel Arthur's lingering touch on his hands, kind yet firm, he'd never truly thought about that before, well he had but he was never particularly aware of it when he did think so, maybe just in passing, perhaps?

As you can see neither are particularly in tune with their personal thoughts, not at all, and all of a sudden that was literally the only thing he could think of. 

Something was off, a small sensation never stayed in his mind this long, he could deal with broken limbs easier than he was dealing with this, the all-consuming need for simple touch had taken over and he had no idea why, he should not have slept with Arthur, that was probably what caused this, I mean what else could, he hadn't gotten particularly close to anyone before or since.

This was bullshit, his door was stiff as usual and he had to ram into it a bit, he really needed to clean his house, besides he would be moving out quite soon, he would have to get to work, no matter how much he hated cleaning, he had to do it, and he was good at it quite frankly, he knew exactly how to get many choice stains out of clothing, lemon juice helped with a lot of them, and it wasn't nearly as harsh as using bleach to get blood and shit out of his curtains.

Eh, where was he again?

He needed groceries, yes, that was what he needed, he was hungry as all fuck right now, and he knew for a fact that his fridge was empty, he hadn't the time to go get stuff lately, but first he needed a shower, and new clothes, he was fine sleeping in a shirt and all but it wasn't that comfortable he wouldn't really do it if he had a choice, he did not then, plus it would clear his mind, yes. 

Too much had happened, and all of a sudden everything just sank in, he knew he was meant to be a parent, a husband, he had been many things at many times in his life, spy, killer, arsonist, criminal, saviour. He had been many things. 

A parent and husband, he had done separately, for short periods of time maybe, and even these were getting to be a while ago, they were n longer used for high profile missions often, not as the main at least, they were limited to the dirty work now, because they were good at it. This was not dirty work, this was acting, he was a good actor, but together he had not done. Especially not for a long time.

Hell, he was supposed to be a father, how would he fucking do that? He could barely remember his father, and what he did remember was not particularly good, a lot of shouting, then it was only his sisters, this was a long time ago, what would he do, what would he fucking do, his heart sank like a stone, he didn't want to fuck up the kids, they were bright, bubbly children, every one of them, he didn't want to fuck them up.

Shit, shit, shit this was not good, could he pull out yet?

No, he probably couldn't, Yao was decisive, he wouldn't turn back on a decision unless he fully cocked up the mission, which he would frankly do if the children weren't involved, he had his own reasons, but he had already not much left of his humanity, there wasn't even much, to begin with, but even that was chiselled away over time, but the children still had all of it intact, he couldn't just shatter that because he was being a selfish prick.

Jesus Arthur's vocabulary was wearing off on him, Mother Mary save him because he knows not of what to do otherwise, shower, he was going for a shower before all of this hit him like a bowling ball, yes he could do a shower. 

Picked himself up off the bed and was gone, to wash his worries away as it was, or maybe even just ignore them for a bit, even that would help. He was not an anxious person, but this rush of fear was more than he had experienced in decades, even when his own life was at stake there was less fear, and he had no clue why.

Neither of them did, Arthur was not good with children, he wasn't good with people at all, described to be a weasel in how he could get out of tight corners and could not be trusted, Ivan a bear, brute force and intimidation, neither of these was particularly known to be caring, not to each other and scarcely to anybody else.

So why were they so worried?

Arthur broke out in a sweat, hurried into the bathroom, and hurled his guts into the kitchen sink, why? He wasn't ill, what the fuck was this, he was just fine, and then he proceeded to hurl up more.

His head fucking hurt, he needed to stop, he had already slept enough, and he had eaten enough, so what was up.

He would deal with that later, bent over the sink, he looked at himself in the mirror, a right mess he was, he couldn't focus on himself in the mirror, he didn't look this old, nor this pale normally-wait why was he crying, what the fuck was going on, why was his heart doing this, pounding so hard he could feel it in his ears, what happened, it needed to stop.

Had this happened before? What do you do?

Water on the face, count to four, breathe, and move on. He did not have time for...whatever this was.

This was not normal, he had to get, and keep his shit together, he was good at it normally, he could deal with this, once he figured out what it was, but first, he needed to sit down, fully dizzy he was, blurry and multicoloured, a little lie down would help, yes. He had to be at full capacity tomorrow, he had to get to work on time and get the shit signed.

He couldn't let Yao, or Ivan down, not the kids, and somehow this felt worse than the possibility of losing his own life. What the fuck was going on, he would deal with that later, he wasn't normally this weak, this cold, this forgetful, he needed to stop, breathe, shit it wasn't working, breathe, breathe, breathe, that was the priority.

Ivan walked about his house lost in thought, he wasn't precisely sure what he was doing, like he was looking in third person, he felt woozy, he hadn't had anything to drink, maybe he was just hungry, the fridge was empty, oh dear. He couldn't get the door to open for some reason, not that it was stuck, moreso he couldn't grab the handle, he always misjudged the distance, and it kept moving ever so slightly.

Breathe.

He sat down, he would deal with food later, he needed to get his mind out of the gutter right now, it felt empty, no longer fear, just empty, he couldn't feel it. And so he sat there scarcely moving for longer than he thought, it had started to get dark.

He did not realise.

Eleanor had been quiet today, oddly so, she was not as outward as Alfred or Jack, but she seemed withdrawn, Alfred and Jack had gone somewhere, and she shuffled close to Matthew as she could, he could tell she was worried, he gently spoke, he knew from experience how to deal with each of them when they were in the moods despite not being the oldest, for all his smarts he was frankly worthless at dealing with emotions, and Matthew shouldered the burden for the four of them, and he did so well.

"Eli, what happened."

"Will they take us?" She didn't even sound afraid, she sounded blank, and it broke his heart a little, he knew what she was referring to, just because they were small, they weren't even that small anymore truthfully, they knew they were a drain on the agency and its resources, they had never expected to provide board for 4 children when they first came here, Eleanor was 4 years old, four, they had been here a little over three years, Jack was 6, and he was scared, he and Al weren't too much better off, Alfred had just hit the double digits, Matthew wasn't even there yet.

They all knew they were burdens, but they had grown to love the place, the operatives at the very least had a soft spot for them, a lot of them had definitely not genuinely interacted with a child in years, and it showed, but they were nice to them, they had been educated faster than most children their age, they had a tutor come in to aid them with what they needed, plus each of them liked to hang around some of the classrooms often enough that some of the teachers took it to heart to teach them what was going on when they had the time.

It worked for the most part, all of them could read, all to a higher level than was supposed for their age, Eleanor was scary smart, and while Jack was fidgety if you interested him in something, he would break every single barrier stopping him from learning everything about the topic, Alfred was very similar, he was just a whole lot more nerdy about it.

It may have not been perfect, they were still often ignored and forgotten about by many and knew they weren't even meant to be here, but it was the closest thing they had to home for the past 3 years, they didn't just want to leave it.

He knew letting her down gently would only make this worse, and he sighed, he felt so much older than he was sometimes "Yes, most likely. They seem like nice people no?"

She huffed "Scary, you mean, and I don't think they can look after themselves very well."

He had to admit, she had a point, he had seen them about, and they usually looked quite functional if nothing else, but both seemed a little sick yesterday "They were probably just tired Eli."

She then looked at him, she was painfully good at hard looks for a 7-year-old, "Does that mean we have to go to school? I saw some..." she looked confused while she stammered "For, Agreemen-no, Documents! Documents, I saw some documents, will we go to school?"

Matt hadn't actually thought about that, he had never actually been to school, Father and mother had kept him and Alfred homeschooled, something about not wasting their potential with simpletons. But they were dead now, so maybe "I-i think so actually, I've never actually been to school."

She brightened significantly, "Really! I thought you did."

"Was homeschooled, this is the closest I've ever had to school. I wonder what it would be like?"

She got off the bed and patted down her shirt, one of Jack's old ones, they were fucking sturdy, that's what they were.

She could hear Jack from a mile away, he and Alfred were probably racing to get inside, she better steer clear of the door, Jack always won, he was shorter but had more leg than you think he would have, Alfred had never won, but had gotten very close.

Jack burst in, Alfred huffing along behind, he collapsed on the bed clutching his side"Christ alive Jack!"

Jack grinned stupidly before he saw Matt deep in thought and Eleanor writing something and he faltered "What happened?"

"Jack, we're gonna go to school, you know."

"Yep! I saw the forms, this is going to be so fun."

They clearly had differing views of how school was going to go, and Jack seemed so happy that she didn't want to divulge her fears that it wouldn't go as well.

Alfred rolled over to face Matthew, face still a little red "Mattie, what's up." deep breath "With you?"

"Nothin', you know we will have to go to school you know, when we get... it's not adopted, uh, assigned?"

Alfred sat up "Yea, and, we're smart, we'll be fine no?"

"That's not the problem, for example, you're a fucking weirdo, don't you think people will find you off-putting?"

"Pfft, as if, if they would then that means they just couldn't handle my awesomeness!"

Matt nicked Alfred's glasses, and much to his chagrin, Alfred's vision was proper -6 nearsighted in one eye and -5.25 in the other "Right, anyways its time to sleep now, it's getting late, and tomorrow we were meant to do something weren't we, check out the house or something."

"Oooh, yea, that."

Matt put the glasses on the side table, he put his own down, his were much tamer, -2 and -2.5, Eleanor got into bed after some cajoling, Jack had to be wrestled as usual, yet he was the one who was out like a light the instance he got warm enough.

Ivan finally stirred, he hadn't realised he fell asleep, he had to sign the housing forms, they would be looking at the house tomorrow, Arthur had already signed them last night, his signature was needed, he would sign the rest later, hunger forgotten for the moment, Arthur got no better, he must be ill, no other explanation for it, curled up under his covers shivering like nothing else provided any heat, he stopped trying to calm down, it would pass, it would, he would have it no other way, the fact that he needed to visit the house tomorrow completely escaped his mind, and who would blame him, his alarm was set though, it would pass over the night.

All thoughts of food or work or anything were gone, replaced with what could only be described as jumbled radio tones, Ivan was dealing with static and the floaty feeling you get when you read too much.

The human condition is admittedly a strange one is it not?

[pbandjesse]

My lips are very dry and I think I am dehydrated. Because I've been talking for the last couple hours. Yapping you could say. And I just had such a lovely day that started so unbelievably stressfully that you would not believe it.

I slept okay last night. I felt really nauseous right before we went to bed but me and James stayed up a little bit later together and I would drink some more water and felt slightly more normal. And I didn't wake up much even though James said that sweetie was committing Kitty crimes all night. There was evidence. Stuff all over the ground that he pulled down. But I woke up with my alarm and felt pretty good. I even gave myself a extra 10 minutes. When I woke up it was drizzling but not raining too hard yet. I still have the coastal advisory of my phone so I would prepared and I wore my new rain boots which were very comfortable. I also packed my dock sandals and an extra pair of socks and my eyeliner and a sweater because I would be working at the museum tonight and I wanted to look nice. And James waited for me but they probably shouldn't because they would end up getting soaked on their bike ride and I felt so bad. I should have just driven them to work but they said no. I'm so sorry that they got that though I feel so bad about it.

My drive to work though was very scary. It was raining buckets at points to the point that I couldn't see. And people were driving crazy pants. And we had to go super slow at times and it was just not a pleasant drive to work. But I made it just a couple minutes after 8:00 and I was doing okay.

I knew that we didn't really have to be there till 9:30 so I had some time to work on my research for the shield designs and eat my breakfast and just kind of enjoy the morning. And that's what I did for about 40 minutes. Around 9:00 I saw a car coming up and I just assumed it was Sarah. And then I saw someone come up on the porch and I just assumed it was Sarah. And then that person knocked on the window and it was a man. And I open the door and I'm like hello. And they're like hey I'm here for the field trip. I was like excuse me. Because the field trip we had today doesn't have parents so what are you talking about. And it turns out that one of my Native American field trips was actually scheduled for today when I thought it was on the 26th.

This was so incredibly stressful. I thought I was going to throw up for about an hour. I told him oh my God I didn't know you're coming today but that is okay we're going to make this work I just need your help. And so me and him jumped on the gator together. I called Elizabeth and she told me to lean on the other staff. And as soon as Sarah and Rachel came in I sent them off to do things for me and Nick would come in and help me as well. They got the hacienda set up and would go and grab stuff from the lunch for me while I was running around like a crazy person.

Me and the dad drove the gator over to tools and dwellings at the Pueblo and I asked something about the schedule that I had printed and he was like oh no this isn't right It's only Three groups not five. Not even four. And I was like wait how many kids does this group have but I didn't ask that follow up question and that was my mistake. Because he ended up being wrong and it was four groups. And the original original schedule I had was actually correct and everything was fine. I got him set up and Sarah brought the rest of my materials up to the hacienda and of course the school was exactly on time at 9:45. And I was like on the verge of losing it. Thankfully all of my volunteer parents had shown up a few minutes after I got back from printing the schedule and I was able to walk them all to their sites and get them acclimated but most of them had already been here apparently from 2019 so I didn't have to worry too much and they all were honestly some of the best parents I've had in a very long time. Like most of my parents are great but these parents that we had were so good that like they could probably do it as a job. Like they were doing songs and dancing and just really filling the 35 minutes and I was just thrilled.

I had to catch my breath but once the bus got there I ran down and I chatted with them for a second just to get everyone on the same page and we got inside and I jumped right into it. And my intro was good but not as detailed and I didn't ask as many questions cuz I was a little overwhelmed. And one of the problems with being in the hacienda is that the one toilet is broken right now and just continuously flushes and it's kind of loud. And I felt really bad about it cuz there's nothing I can do about it It just keeps flushing. And I had to tell them like hey I know this sounds really scary but like I'll hurt you I promise.

And the intro went good and then we were able to jump into fibers and I timed it really well because I was worried when I finished my intro early but then I was going to have too much time and fibers wouldn't take as long but we ended up finishing fibers with enough time to then break into our groups and just kind of move slowly and it was like totally chill. And I remember this teacher from years past and she is great even though she frowns constantly and I think she's mad at me but she's not she keeps telling me how much she loves me. Honestly a bunch of the parents were on the walkie talkies today telling me how much they left me and how great they thought I was and that just made me feel really good.

I had a lot of moments today where people were just being really nice to me. I don't know if I just looked like I needed it but everyone was complimenting me and tell me how pretty I was. And I was just feeling good. And I got to be really good at my job and I love that.

The field trip itself was great. I seriously think I walked about 40,000 steps today though the way my body aches and I was making so many loops. I was just bopping from one site to the next and checking things out and while I was doing that I was also flipping rocks I did not find any good critters. But I did find witches butter twice. And that was very exciting for me because that's my favorite mushroom right now. And I ended up having some really lovely conversations with chaperone parents including one who offered to be on the lookout for me for supplies because she's a professional organizer and she comes across stuff all the time that people are getting rid of and she would love to have someone that she could contact about getting it and I am a hoarder pack rat when it comes to supplies. So that could be a lovely little friendship.

It was getting warmer and I was having a really nice day even though I was a little exhausted. And after lunch I would spend most of the last hour of my field trip wandering around lower camp photographing the shields. Would you like to guess how many shields there are down there? Because it's 92. So I found all of the signs that I could and hopefully did not miss any or many. I still have to do upper camp but Elizabeth doesn't think there's very many up there so we're not that worried about it. But I will be able to start my research and organization of the shields and that's really exciting for me because I love having a little project and this is one that I think will be really beneficial in the long term.

While I was walking around doing that I was also answering the walkie and doing my job. One of our kids had an allergy attack I felt really bad because they weren't allowed to give him allergy medication but his eyeball swelled all up. So we got him to wash his face and we just hope that the fresh air would help.

While I was wandering around I also was going through the field where the other group was having their field trip that I was supposed to be a part of. It was our last end to go group and they were great but oh my God. We warned them that the Gaga pit was muddy. But Gabe decided that it was okay and these kids were So absolutely covered. Just head to toe soaked in mud. And I sat down for a second to organize my folder of photographs and a little girl came and sat next to me and she was coded just tow to hip. And she had splashes all over her face and she just pouting and she goes My mom's going to be mad at me. And I said yeah probably but thankfully you're washable. And then I told her she had mud inside her ear and she said oh no We had a very good little laugh about it. This was a very sweet group and I really hope they had a good day and I hope their parents are prepared for how messy their kids were going to come home.

At the end of my program Elizabeth called me to ask how I clean up the printmaking stuff which I now realize I forgot to grab but that is not a big deal. I can get that next week. And after that I went to the hacienda to wait for my group to be done. When everybody came I would do some questions and went over stuff and all of them seem like they learned a ton and that was really cool. I had them say thank you to the chaperones and volunteers. And then I said goodbye.

I spent the next hour cleaning the hacienda. And it was kind of hard to do it by myself. I hate having to put away the chairs and the tables and sweep. But I did it it just took a while. And while I was there a contractor came up to the end of a measure stuff and I didn't know who it was. So eventually I introduce myself and he asked about going downstairs to measure the bottom half of the building so I had to go to the office to get pool key and then I came back and finished sweeping. And I was going to get the gator to get the rest of my materials but Chloe had the key and I wasn't about to walk to the other side of camp to get it so I just used our car and I loaded it up. I put the staffs hanging out of our window because they are too tall. And it didn't take that long so it was totally fine. I drove down to the woodlands to double check commission The fire was good and then all the materials were put away nicely and then I went back up to the office. I checked in. And I let everybody know I was going home. Well not home but I was getting out of there.

Blue was laughing at me for beep bopping around all day and how I better be getting my steps counted but I am not actively wearing a pedometer right now. I'm going to have to get a battery for my Pikachu one again. I'm not sure if it's working but we will have to see. I would like to wear that this summer so that is definitely something for me to look into.

But it was time for me to go. I had to get something to eat before working at the museum tonight. I drove over to cockeysville and went to Wawa and while I was waiting for my sandwich the girl making the sandwich asked me if I knew how pretty I was. I was like what??. And she was like you're beautiful. And I was like thank you that's so nice. It relief just made my day.

I ate my sandwich in the car. And I watched a video about someone I did not care about and thought was kind of a horrible person. Just some YouTuber who apparently was very famous that recently died that I did not care about but apparently it was very controversial. And kind of terrible. And then I headed to work. I wanted to get there early so me and James could see each other for a few minutes. And when I got there James's backpack was sitting outside in the parking lot. I went inside and I was like James that's not safe this is why people with rob you all the time. Which is facetious I know. But still. Don't leave things sitting unattended.

James would leave to come home to meet their dad to go to the baseball game. And I had a lovely night at the museum. The other Jesse is so much fun. Like really I think we could be very good friends because he's so funny and he gets my humor but like in a dead pant sort of way and that's really nice. And I had a great time just goofing around for the first hour. Talk into the catering staff going through drawers and just having a good time. Chatting with the security guard. Who I eventually made the security guard and Jesse take a photo with photo with me. Because I thought it would be funny and I was correct. And it was just a lot of fun because it was a charity event. And it looked beautiful. They did such a good job.

I wouldn't have that many people come back but the ones I did were really lovely. And they said I was so good at my job and so informative. And they all had very good like follow-up questions and conversation. I got to turn on the museums machines and eventually I was making a loop around to the pharmacy just to see if anyone was in there and I saw that the garment loft was open. So I went and checked with Jesse if it was supposed to be and it wasn't but we decided it wasn't worth arguing over and I went in and gave a talk in there too and a couple of the same people from before came but some extras did as well and it was just so nice. Like I got to tell my stories and people were really interested and giving great facial expressions. And I got to talk about other stuff like art and travel and just how much I love living here. My husband. Everyone got a big laugh because I was wearing James's name tag tonight and they're like you don't look like a James. And I just love working at the museum.

While I was there I also got an email from Jessica and she offered me the education positions for the events for May because there was only three of them and I can take two of those three and I'm really excited about that. I hope that we get back in that habit because I want all of the events but I know that's not always fair. And also I can't actually do all of them because I'm very busy. But I'm really excited to do more because I really really enjoy that part of the job.

I left after chasing Jesse around so that we could take a photo booth photo. And I just got home. It's getting really windy. I'm not sure when the game is over I think it's about halfway done now. But I'm going to go inside and I'm going to get ready to chill out. Tomorrow I have no plans I'm hoping to do some house stuff. And then on Sunday I have some photos I need to do and some work for some upcoming stuff and then on Monday I also have nothing and it's great. This is just going to be like a nice little relaxing getting ready to go on our trip weekend. I might even pack. We'll see.

I hope that you all have a great night and you are taking care of yourself. Stay safe and rest. I love you all.

[mejomonster]

I found some adhd tips the other day that I actually feel like implementing cause they Clicked for me:

A video went into how the long waiting periods a person ends up doing are sometimes our brain trying to FOCUS on the thing we have to do later and not forget it. Such as “have a doctor appointment at 3 pm, so do nothing for the 5 hours beforehand because our brain is trying to REMEMBER to leave for the doctors and REMEMBER to get ready for the doctors until approximately idk 2 pm when we can finally use the thing we’ve been fighting desperately to remember.” So partly, that period where we can’t do anything or focus on anything or get anything done, that’s oddly exhausting? Is us trying to focus on remembering something we are struggling to, which takes energy, and takes away ability to focus on other stuff.

The video’s proposed suggestions: write down the stuff you need to remember. This one I do already do: put it on my outlook calendar I’m constantly seeing, if I’m at work, in time blocks starting with when I need to prep, and notes in the calendar event so i have a list of all steps/info i need to remember. 

The video suggested though that the best written aids may be whiteboards in a highly visible spot, loose leaf paper and sticky pads in visible spots, and crossing out things as you do them as it’ll help with feeling you’re getting things done (rather than erasing). 

The big benefit to writing whatever you need to remember down? You can now stop trying to remember it for hours until you need to do it, and just let yourself forget it. Freeing up some energy to focus on other stuff.

When you write stuff down break down the list of tasks as MUCH as you want/helps. For me that might be: “get psp, plug in to charge, find memory card, turn on laptop and open up email i saved with links, read linked article 1, grab charged psp and put memory card in, start following directions in article 1, done! turn off laptop and put away” 

The other big suggestion was alarms. Now, I normally hate alarms, I barely use them for anything but waking up. But the video made some fair points so now I’m considering.

They said set the alarm for when you need to start preparing for the activity, and title it something like “Start TASK in TIME” in your phone. 

So like “Start spreadsheet in 50 minutes,” then when the timer goes off you can start getting together materials for spreadsheet and be able to start it in 50 minutes. Or even break it down more: “pick up floor in 20 minutes” and it goes off in 4 hours when you planned to clean, then another alarm set 30 minutes after the first alarm titled “vacuum in 5 minutes.” So you get prep time for 20 minutes, then pick up the floor for 10 minutes, then get an alarm to vacuum to remind you to switch tasks and remind you to prepare to, remind you that you planned to vacuum too in case you forgot. 

The idea is that an EXTERNAL reminder will remember the event for us, so we can let go of trying to focus on remembering and can focus on other stuff in the meantime. The external reminder does NOT rely on us remembering to look at a piece of paper (actually a good timer might be “look at TO DO STEPS in 5 minutes” set every few hours now that i think of it, and detailed things u wanted to do on the list instead of in timers) or remembering to DO something at a certain time. The alarm remembers for us, freeing up focus. The alarm also may startle us out of whatever we were focusing on in the moment, which may help us start to switch to the new task.

The video mentioned also to switch up alarm sounds so you’re not used to them, again to help them get your attention and be unexpected to help you switch to the new thing. And how other people potentially hearing the alarm may motivate some people to hear them since they won’t want to bug other people for 10 minutes of it blaring. 

I am trying the alarm thing today, and seeing if using it as a ‘reminder’ so i can forget and focus on NOW things instead helps with my hours of inaction. We’ll see. I think the concept of why it would help makes sense

Finally, the video mentioned sometimes its easier to push to do a task if you think you’re doing it for someone else. They suggested thinking of “doing something for your future self tomorrow.” You prep now like by making a list or setting an alarm, get tasks done now like putting the dishes away, and future you is helped by not having to remember what they need to do and not still having the dishes-away step to do etc.

I honestly can’t really be bothered to help future me much I’m gonna be honest. I already do a lot of prep work just cause I can’t even do a task if I haven’t made a to do list of directions and put it on my calendar ToT

I DO think I get much more motivated to get up and do a task when it benefits others though. Instead of thinking “I should do the dishes,” if I think “oh X will be sad if she sees a messy kitchen and feel she HAS to do them before she goes to bed” then i get the motivation to go do the dishes for 5 minutes and at least handle some of them. Because if I put them off until ‘tomorrow’ then I’ll be worried someone else will do them and be bothered. Or laundry, I will put it off ages but if I think “oh X will need laundry machine on saturday, and I have so many dirty towels from hair dying, I’ll postpone their laundry schedule if I wait to do it until then and take up Their Planned time... so I guess I’ll do it tonight ahead of time and hurry up and make sure the machines are empty before saturday so their laundry doesnt take too long and they don’t have to work around me.” 

Those kind of thoughts can’t be come up with for everything (and honestly I think one should not ever feel they Need to cater to others and are Bad if they do stuff at their own pace, so there’s definitely Dangerous Area in here somewhere if you’re prone to fawning and people pleasing which I sure am lol). But when I plan to do something anyway (like oh I was annoyed by the living room covered in boxes and dirty bottles), and i just can’t get myself to get up and DO it for hours? Then thinking “oh X wants it done or is annoyed its not done (who isn’t me)” or “X will probably clean it up tomorrow if I leave it, and I didn’t want to leave a mess for someone else” or “X plans to do it but they seem tired i think i could do something nice for them and just get it done real quick now.” 

I’ve also seen ‘artificial deadlines’ help with starting actions. So like: while your coffee is brewing, do some kitchen tidying until the beeper goes off that it’s done. Or turn the tea kettle on, or microwave some food, or bake with an oven timer, or when someone says “dinner is in 10 minutes.” and try to “get some tasks done” while the timer is going and see if you can finish by the timer. 

Also by this reasoning, I suspect the writer tips and study tips of like “set a time for 20 minutes and read as much as you can/write as much as you can/read as many section summaries as you can/take as many notes as you can/get through as many math problems as you can” might help? Just this idea that its NOT a long time commitment, its RIGHT NOW so you can just Start, you get a break in 20 minutes (if you want one), and the accomplished amounts in 20 minutes might be motivating. (I think for me maybe 30 minutes would be a sweet spot... just because i tend to be able to hyperfocus AFTER 30 minutes of trying hard to do a task, if i can hyperfocus at all it’s gonna take at minimum 30 minutes or longer). At the same time, I think shorter might work better in some cases. I used to say “read 20 minutes” or try a show “20 minutes” or try a video game “20 minutes” when i’d switch tasks until i could focus on something, just cause it was an honest attempt to really engage with something... but not so long i couldn’t actually do it. I COULDNT do 2 hours of a book I can’t focus on or movie. But i can do 20 minutes in two 10 minute chunks or four 5 minute chunks. Then if I was splitting even 20 minutes into breaks lol? I probably couldn’t focus on that and needed to move onto trying something else. 

[neallo]

So...................... i Mello holds Near hostage in one of your fics, WHICH ONES IS IT?!

LMFAO i love the energy of this ask. thank you. extremely chaotic but also endearing.

to answer your question: the fic you're thinking of is i want to hold you (hostage), and it hasn't been posted yet!! i'm still finishing it up, though it's about 3/4 (I HOPE!!! it's already 16k words 🫣) of the way written. i want to, at the very minimum, start posting it by the end of meronia week; i expect it's going to be about 3-4 chapters. i'm not going to try to describe it in depth here, as i'd rather keep some elements a surprise, but it's a canon-divergent story centering around Mello during his mafia era, and it takes place about a week or so before we see him show back up in canon.

just for fun, i'm going to toss the first few paragraphs below ❣️ there's also a playlist you can find here, if you just want to get a sense of the vibes ✨🎶

————

Mello wakes to the sound of his 9:00 AM alarm going off, the mid-morning sun throwing stripes of light across his bedsheets from how it peeks through the gaps in his blinds. His hand gropes towards the clock on his bedside table, clumsily seeking out the off button as he blinks sleep from his eyes. The beeping ceases, and Mello sighs, sagging backwards against his pillows again. He can’t recall what he dreamt about, though from the lingering wistfulness clouding his mind and weighing down his limbs, he could take an educated guess.

His apartment is quiet; he’s alone. Every single morning since he moved to LA, he’s woken up alone. The only exception was a little over a month ago now, but that wasn’t in this city or this apartment or this bed, which he supposes he should be grateful for. It would have been worse if Mello had seen his face in this light, his cheek resting against this pillow, the curve of his shoulder peeking out from these sheets. In the quiet, Mello’s own minuscule movements sound loud, as does his breath. Normally it doesn’t bother him, but some days it’s more noticeable than others, and today is evidently one of them.

After a few more minutes of soaking in dilute, nebulous angst, Mello forces himself to get out of bed and go to the kitchen, puts on a pot of coffee and sets about making himself breakfast. The window over his sink faces a busier street than the one in his bedroom, so the silence is a bit thinner here, miscellaneous sounds leaking through the old glass. It helps ground him a little. He’d picked this apartment specifically for its soundproofing, because the last several places he lived all had paper-thin walls, while the brick construction here means he can’t hear his neighbors fucking or people on the sidewalk below shouting at each other. Obviously he prefers it that way, but the silence is foreign after so many years of living in an orphanage teeming with other noisy children and a good year and a half after that spent either sleeping on the streets or in run-down shitholes. For a short period of time after moving here, Mello entertained the idea of getting a cat, mostly so he would have something living and moving around in the same space as him, but it seemed selfish to bring a fragile creature into the kind of life he leads.

Of course, that didn’t stop him from trying, once. Not with a cat, but with—

His coffee starts to brew, mercifully interrupting his train of thought before it could go off the rails. As he cracks an egg into a hot, buttered pan, Mello calculates what time he needs to leave to make his flight. Just thinking about it soothes him a bit; in three hours, he’ll be boarding a plane to New York, and in six more, he’ll have landed at JFK. The sun will have set on the east coast by then, and by the time he gets to his hotel, he should be ready to sleep. Dreamlessly, if he’s lucky.

(Mello has been short on that specific type of luck, lately.)

[bigearsbunbun]

1st day in 10th grade 8/29/2023

I literally couldnt sleep that much the night before and ended up staying up until 3AM, though I'm kinda surprised that I slept a bit early than usual so I felt a bit relieved. But knowing that I had to set an alarm so I wont wake up at 10 or 12 AM I was hella depressed from just the thought of having to wake up exhausted af. I ended up waking up at 8AM I was EXHAUSTED I couldnt even move for the first 10 minutes and I just stared at the ceiling. I was having a manic episode the night before because I was so chill and so anxious at the same time I couldnt contain myself.

I later found out that the entrance ceremony starts at 1PM so I felt relieved knowing I dont have to rush.

Then the ceremony began. It was just like the other ceremony I attended last year.....though I was more down that time I couldnt even listen to a single word I was hearing from the people on stage, I was so out of it TT its weird because it felt like 9th grade was just yesterday.....time flies so fast:/.....Anyway when I got there, there was already many students lining up.... it was I think 20 minutes before the ceremony starts I saw some of my friends from my previous school year I'm soooo lucky to have some of my friends on the same class this year...I hope I can make some friends this year too or just at least get along with some of them:D

After an HOUR of standing at the ceremony it finally ended and we all headed to our new classrooms. I was enlightened to know that my classroom was in the first floor cause I have a bad stamina and bad experience from my old school... I was first very happy about it "ohh I get to be on the 3rd floor!!" then months later "I HATE THESE STAIRS" so 2ND,3RD,4TH FLOOR CLASSROOMS?? NUH UH🗣🗣..

So when I got to my new classroom I immediately continue reading one piece cause Im too introverted and shy to even talk to my new classmates, but I'm pretty sure when group activities and all that start happening we'll all talk and get along well:) (probably not everyone though)..ALSO I just realized how much I space out but its not that bad it just happens at times Im seriously not aware which is scary....I believe the term for it is called dissociation but mine is just mild though it happens from time to time I think mine is pretty normal...

When it was time to introduce ourselves my hands were COLD. And when it was my time to introduce myself I just talked fast and sat down, not realizing I didnt include my other hobbies such as reading manga or watching anime but oh well I did tell myself I wont trust people that easily this year and be more secretive about myself since I talk so much about myself when I'm comfortable enough to someone....

A few hours later it was snack break.... some of my friends from our friend group gathered... gosh I miss them so much:{ I dont know but I think I became a bit more quite than last year.... idk though maybe its just me. So then we all started talking about our new teachers... some of them had badluck and have a strict teacher and meanwhile me I was luckkyyy even though I dont really fit in with my new teacher's humor she was still pretty chill and understanding and I relieved about it... though I still hoped that I had the other teacher I wanted to be my 10th grade teacher:( hes pretty strict but hes a friendly guy and teaches well... I hope hes my math teacher this year PLSPLSPLS🤞CROSSING FINGERS

Then a few hours later it was already time to go home...I'm kinda happy that the first day of school wasnt as tiring as last year:D...I walked home.... it was nice since we got dismissed pretty early than the normal school days since its still the first day after all.....I was walking while listening to the songs I downloaded on my phone and look at the sky...it was still 4PM so it wasnt dark outside yet.... it felt nice walking home like that:>.... while walking home I remembered one of my friends eshy gave me her snack since she didnt want any and I couldnt buy snacks at the canteen because it was pretty crowded and looked like it was impossible to even cut in line....I'm pretty grateful to have her as a friend....though she should srsly look out for herself too....so in order to pay her back I stopped at a small store...it was run by an old couple....I used to walk by the store a lot since kindergarten and I rarely bought anything from that store....when I walked in the old man smiled....idk but something about it made me a bit happy since like oh....its been so long since I bought anything from the store and its been...probably years ....he looks different from before....everyone gets old and its a sad thing for me to even think about://....anyway after buying the snacks I then head home and took this picture while walking.....thanks for reading this long ahh journal about my day:DD I usually ramble things in my journal but I firgured I should use this account instead and use it as a digital journal since I rarely post anything on this app, Im also planning on doing this everyday so lets see if I actually do it this time:DD so bye for now MY HANDS HURT FROM TYPING ONG but anyway take care!!

[untitled-seems-appropriate]

So I was only 19…

So when I was 19.. a few days before my 20th birthday I was living in the Bahamas. Rough I know. I was teaching scuba diving at a very popular dive shop ( I’m not going to name them, we’re a non judgement place here … although they were the most awful place. So toxic) anyways, there I was 19 years old, living in the sun, teaching on the water everyday. I met joey from Nsync!! And little did I know, 7 days before my 20th birthday my entire life would change.

maybe I’ll back track a little.. if you’re interested. I’m from the smallest place ever in Canada & I got into a super cool school that taught me how to be a scuba instructor. So I packed up my hopes and dreams, cried for weeks and moved across the country. Met the best people, partied like my life depended on it and headed to my first stop on my adventure - Turks and Caicos. But that’s a story for another time. After that adventure ended.. I headed home and searched for my next stop. Oh how I wish I could have seen into the future on this one.

so long story short, I made my way to the Bahamas. Bright eyed and bushy tailed.. happily just quit my job at McDonald’s- which I might add I was terrible at.. and I set fourth on my new quest.

I guess I should at at this point I wasn’t alone.. I had a boyfriend but he’s not relevant to any parts of these stories. But I don’t want to seem that brave, because I wasn’t. Okay back to it.

so I made it to Nassau, was living on the dock, had made some friends. I was young, I was tanned - what could go wrong?

well exactly seven days before I turned 20 I was sitting in my one bedroom tiny above the dock apartment, when we heard the alarms going off after hours. We looked around and couldn’t see anything, so we called our boss who then tells us they see people had broken into the gift shop part.. they had notified the police. Then the phone lines go dead.. because the people robbing the place cut them and the Internet. Great.

now this was 15 years ago.. I had a pay as you go flip phone I bought in a grocery store in the Bahamas. I wasn’t texting for help… or making a TikTok.. our only lines of communication were gone. So we just stood there. Well, I just stood there as a cockroach crawled across my foot and my at the time boyfriend decided to go down and yell “hello” … because that was going to spook them. It didn’t. He runs back up and we stand there watching as they throw bags over the fence and then proceed to jump the fence while wearing face masks and holding machetes and huge guns.

They must have heard my heroic boyfriend because they then proceed to POINT up at my apartment where I am standing trying not to scream at them or the cockroach and they wave and say something in Jamaican & take off in a jeep.

I breathe. Like, the biggest exhale I thought I could ever exhale in my life. Tears start pouring down my face and the panic sets in. Then obviously I’m wondering is the dock dog alive? He isn’t barking? He’s like 30 years old! They wouldn’t kill the dog right? Oh yeah - my boyfriend! I grab my pack of Marbolo reds and run outside (I was 19 and living alone smoking seemed cool 15 years ago)

everyone is alive! The gift shop is not so okay, but the dog and boyfriend are okay. The police, in true Bahamian fashion, showed up almost 2 hours later. Our loving bosses never showed up - we were okay though thanks! And that ended my day of June 3rd, while I was 19.

life resumes as normal. I wake up late, throw on my bikini and eat some Nutella toast and run down the dock to see my jobs for the day & set sail out into the beautiful, crystal blue waters of Nassau. Then comes June 7th. Three whole days before I turn 20. My entire life changed. I can’t go back, I can’t change anything that happened from then until now. But I have learned. I’ve regretted. I’ve lost and gained. But looking back to my 19 year old self and this day.. my heart does nothing but ache for her. So I guess I should tell you, if you’ve stuck around this long.

so here it goes ..

So, I was only 19. And I watched an elderly woman commit suicide over a 1900 foot wall, underwater, in the Bahamas. Got blamed for neglect, investigated by numerous people, blamed by her husband infront of a boat full of people, got exiled from my actual work to work at the sister shop and lost my damn mind along the way in a fit of grief and depression.

I was only 19. 19 years old. I was a kid - just starting out in life and all of this was being thrown at me. And no one but myself was protecting me - everyone was protecting themselves. And the things I discovered along the way. All the lies and deception.

so, If I’ve still got you here and you are interested. Let me catch my breath & I’ll tell you that story. Because that’s why we’re here right?

talk soon,

me

[cooganbegs-blog]

The first of a few legs of the journey down.

HBA - MEL

4am wake up. Despite setting my alarm, getting up at 4am regularly with Loki meant I beat the alarm by a few seconds! Took him out and stood in the freezing dark while he did his doggie ablutions. His cortisone tablets means he is drinking enormous amounts and peeing correspondingly! 10pm, 1am and 4am. Such is the state of my mind currently I rarely get back to sleep so by the time the 6am alarm normally goes off, I switch it off and get a precious extra hour of sleep. It being winter and a long ways south it’s still dark until well after 7am, so sleeping in is possible.

Tried not think of this goodbye with Loki as a final goodbye. He did his normal stretching and upside down, “Please scritch my stomach” act, which I obliged.

I’m back frantically making pacts with the gods (those capricious fucks). If they just take some pity and let him still be there when I get back….I’ll what? Be a good girl? How many of these daily trades did I do as a kidlet, except it was more along the lines of, if I’m reeeeeally good, please make him not be angry today, if I volunteer and do extra washing up, will he be in a good mood….I’ll give up my chocolate ration if he just doesn’t lose his shit. And no surprises there, the big G god I begged for pity back then showed no mercy, so I’m not holding my breath now.

So a long, slow drive through the dark peering through the defogging windscreen to avoid the crowds of possums and pademelons hopping across the road.

The first airport lounge. A long weekend of Dark Mofo means it’s heaving at 5am, so un-Hobart like! I’m already grumpy, possible even a tad surly. I’ve spent the past few days wrestling with the huge decision of whether to checkin my little carryon bag of keep it as carryon. I have six hours in Melbourne and it was the thought of having to haul that thing around every time I wanted to pee, get a drink, get something to eat that tipped the scales. The downside of travelling alone, no one to watch your bags while you go pee. And I always have a morbid fear of getting human excrement on my luggage when in airport toilets!! Humans are fucking grots, I don’t trust them where shit it concerned!!!

However, I am unfailingly polite and friendly to airport staff. While I can’t remember the exact words, a good friend once said (words to the effect) that being nice to those that service us sets the civilised from the uncivilised and this does not spare those with money and means! In fact it’s generally those who should know better who don’t do better. So thanks to my egalitarian friend I am always on my best behaviour even when tired, coffee-less and struggling with the thought of never seeing Loki again.

Vast crowds of hipster, blowins from the mainland means I can’t sit and sob. What is I never see Loki again, and fuck I’m dreading the next few days.