#my fingers FUCKING HURT LIKE HELL

[huexuri]

★ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‧‧ 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭.

NSFW, MDNI!!!

⚠︎ sensitive topics: mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts, a scene mentioning eating disorders and self harm, another mention of self harm (scars) in another scene but it's used in a fluff scene ⚠︎

➜ pairing: fem!reader x switch!kai

➜ synopsis: you're in a very dark place. in your hopes of finding a best friend that loves the same things you do; just to give yourself one last chance to be happy, you come across hueningkai — who ends up being the beam of light in your dull, melancholy hell of a life.. and he might've just saved you from ending it all.

➜ genre: angst, smut, fluff, college au, love at first sight

➜ warnings: first of all — reader is GOING THROUGH IT holy shit... and is pretty ill mentally, reader has ed, has sh scars and stuff like that, fem!reader, switch!kai, the sensitive topics stated above, angst is mostly in the beginning and scattered throughout the story, first time sex, blowjob, cum eating, quite a lot of fluff, quite a lot of swearing (literally the first 2 words of the fic LMAOO), friends to lovers trope, fluff ending, implied that reader wears baggy clothes, reader is basically a character and not "you" anymore in this sense.

➜ wc: 8.5k WHAT THE FUCK

➜ note: this is nawt proofread!!!! my first ever serious fic...... really hope i don't fuck this up or forget about it or!!!!! ya. + I WENT INSANE WRITING THIS like bitch was so hard 2 write 4 WHAT

“fucking bitch seriously blocked me on everything...”

you stare at your phone screen in disbelief.

“fuck you mean by i can't contact this number??!” you shouted in fury — your voice echoed into nothingness as you collapse onto the comfort of your mattress.

as your phone slips from your grasp, it drops to the ground. you let it fall, indifferent. you bury your head into a pillow and let it soak your salty tears.

but.. how did you end up like this?… all because of your now ex best friend — yewon. she found a man. at first, you were beyond delighted for her. she'd always complained to you about being lonely, and you swore to her that she had you, no matter what… but she didn't. she broke your promise — and the girl that once had an irreplaceable bond with you had turned into someone else when you voiced to her about your suicidal thoughts. it didn't help that she seemed like she loved her few week relationship with that guy more than the eight year friendship she had with you. you'd always been there for her through thick and thin, yet when you opened up about your struggles, it didn't occur to you that she'd scold you for being sensitive... or for being an attention seeker? or that she'd rather talk to a fucking trash can than listen to you blabber all day about some "emo shit"?

she would never say this to you. you know she wouldn't.

when you texted her about that, she was out with that stupid fucking guy. she didn't have time for you. but to you, it wasn't just emo shit — you really needed her. this time, you really. needed. her.

you still tried to reach out to apologize; but she chose to block your contact on everything, throwing away the almost decade old bond you have with her — leaving you on the brink of despair.

you were really so fucking close to ending it all.. no, you were going to do it. you wrote a letter and all.

yet, somehow, amidst the darkness, you found a glimmer of hope, a reason to hold on. despite the unbearable thoughts, you gave yourself a chance to seek happiness, and for that, you're grateful.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

it's been a week since; each day since her betrayal feels like a relentless onslaught. you would say you've been miserable, but words like 'misery' pale in comparison to the heartache she's given you.

everyday you resist the urge to rip and tear the polaroid photos of the both of you off of your walls.

what went wrong? she was your everything. she meant the world to you.

that was your last straw, and you were really starting to consider what you wanted to do a week prior.

but just then, you felt your phone vibrate in your hands, with that familiar ping sound that reminded you of when she'd always talk to you. it made you shiver in unease — everything reminded you of her.

ding! 2 unread notifications!

“another one?”

you frustratedly turn on your phone to find 2 unread messages from an unknown number. he went by the display name of kai… you thought it was painfully familiar and off-putting, but you decide to dig deeper.

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Kai : hey, i'm sorry if this is a bother</3

Kai : but are you yewon's friend?

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you probably left him on read for 5 minutes straight, because you gazed speechless at your phone screen, at that notorious name — yewon — for 5 minutes straight.

“who the fuck is this dude? this is so fucking creepy.” you muttered to yourself before your thumbs started glazing over the screen in hesitancy.

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Kai : hey, i'm sorry if this is a bother</3

Kai : but are you yewon's friend?

you : who r u??? and what do YOU know about her??

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maybe you came off as rude, but how can you not, when some random ass uncanny guy is asking you about your personal problems?

ding! 1 unread notification!

another one, and as you read the text, your gaze softens.

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Kai : i'm fr sorry i struck a nerve,, but i'm yewon's ex, well because i js broke up w her:/

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ex? you wondered. "didn't she love him so much she left me?" you scoffed, pettiness lacing every word.

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you : i thought y'all were doing good? n also why are you texting me about this

Kai : basically i got a bit nosy when she left her laptop open when she was showering and then i came across her texts w another guy which were obviously romantic

Kai : then i decided to look further and found she blocked some1 which i assume it's u bc i got that number from there, and i felt really bad that she was so brutal to you esp when u seemed like u needed her most? it said u texted her smtg like "girl i really need to talk, im in a horrible place rn please talk to me im literally at my breaking point" and then she fired off on you.... like damn..

you : oh… okay,, yeah. and also i'm sorry she treated you like shit as well

Kai : i should be sorry as well, since it looks like i got in the way of your friendship, like i feel really fking guilty

you : it's fine, i know you didnt have bad intentions

Kai : i js wanna say since we both got hurt by the same woman, we both need someone that understands eachother and im just suggesting if we can be friends? if you're still grieving i wont bother you abt it,,

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you came to the realization that despite being cheated on, he remained respectful and considerate of your feelings, a realization that gently tugged at the corners of your lips, being the first smile of yours since the incident. in that moment, clarity washed over you, and you knew without a doubt that the both of you needed each other.

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you : okay.. sure:) my name is y/n.

Kai : i'm hueningkai, kai or hyuka or huening for short.

you : okay, hyuka it is

Kai : why? lolol

you : it's cuter than kai or hueningg :ppp

Kai : well, whatever you wanna call me then loll

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you looked back up at the polaroid photos of you and yewon on the wall. you're dedicated to rip them off. it isn't just you — she's the problem, and over the 8 years of knowing her, only now you start to realize that she is an asshole. she has always been, and you were too gullible to realize.

you were never a believer of the concept that "everything happens for a reason", but from then on, you had a gut feeling that this “hyuka” guy came into your life for a reason. maybe he is that glimmer of hope, that reason to hold on.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

as it turns out, now that you're texting kai on a daily basis, you've discovered that you both share a deep passion for astronomy. dreaming of the day you can finally explore space or simply just gazing at the stars at night, you both find yourselves bonding over this pretty form of study.

even better? you both end up attending the same college. school life never really comes up in your conversations, so it comes as a delightful surprise when you accidentally bump into a tall, really, really pretty boy whom you immediately recognize from the greek god looking face and voice you've been texting and calling every day — hueningkai.

“aah, sorry!" you mutter, hastily retrieving your bag from the floor.

"naaahh! don't worry about it—"

you recognize that energetic honey voice all too well.

"hyuka?" you look up to him as you slowly retreat to your feet, hoping you didn't mistake him for someone else.

"y/n?" he exclaims with a smile, his eyes scanning your features with fascination and disbelief.

“it's really you!!” you gasp as your hand hovers over your mouth. quickly adjusting your bag onto your shoulder, you take a step back to fully look at him in real life for the very first time, and not just through video calls.

“woaaaaah, holy shit… you're so pretty in real life.” kai mutters in fascination, almost like a whisper. he's scanning you up and down as his smile softens into an amused one.

“says you??? you're fucking ethereal…” your gaze fixates to every feature on his face — you're looking at him as if he's like an angel.

“t-thank you,” he mumbles, flustered.

“mhm...” you smile and nod, slightly giggling at that.

“you know… since we have a bit of time before lectures start, wanna grab a bite with me?” kai suggests, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

“of course.” you immediately reassure him.

kai's lips widened into a delighted smile. you hold onto his wrist as the both of you stroll out the hallway.

it's been a long time since you experienced this kind of joy — because hyuka is such a ray of sunshine, being around him makes anyone's heart flutter.

as you and kai make your way to the campus cafe, the air is filled with a comfortable silence, disrupted by the occasional shared smiles and sneaky glances to eachother. stepping foot into the cafe, the both of you gasp in awe — the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and egg tarts being the second thing on your mind after.. hueningkai.

the both of you find a cozy c shaped sofa at the corner of the cafe. you both settle in, the chatter of other students fading into the background as background noise as you and him talk about nonsense. the both of you chit chat over egg tarts and steaming cups of coffee. you find yourselves safe and sound within each other's company. sometimes, he rubs against you — which makes you feel a bit hot in your cheeks. maybe it wasn't intentional, but oh god, did you feel like you needed him.

finishing up the tarts, the both of you return to campus satisfied and without a word, before exchanging waves as you both walk to your designated lecture rooms.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

during lectures, all you can think of is kai. his presence has a way of making you feel safe and it almost hurt to not be around him. you could've stayed at home crying over yewon, but when you meet someone that encountered the same problem as you, it's as if time stands still when you're with them, and all your worries fade away. kai is your someone. he eases the churning in your stomach with his energetic personality, and when he's all timid and flustered you can't help but giggle. his laugh is contagious. he's like a happy virus, or a beam of light that follows you like a shadow. and ever since the day he contacted you, you stopped relapsing — your thoughts have calmed down and it's like he saved you. no, he certainly did.

not to mention, that dazed intensity in his eyes, the pretty curve of his hooked nose, his fluffy, cloud like brown hair that seems to invite you to run your fingers through them, his sun-kissed skin that speaks of lazy days spent under the golden rays, and those perfect, pillow lips that are basically begging you to absolutely ruin them. shit, you're really falling in love.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

you wake up the next day to a series of messages from kai.

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hyuka💓 : girl, just because it's our day off doesn't mean you get to wake up at 2pm……

hyuka💓 : IT'S BEEN AN HOUR SINCE I SENT THAT I DIDN'T MEAN IT BY ACTUALLY WAKE UP AT 2PM OMGGG

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you sigh at your phone screen, so bright in your bare eyes. he knows you have an atrocious sleeping schedule.

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you : it's not my fault this week is the only week since centuries ago that we have a holiday, no shit ill sleep in😭

you : what did you need tho??

‎‎‎‎‎hyuka💓 : i needs you at my place rnnnnnnnn im so bored and honestly i just wanna talk to you, yk? you know since you never really got 2 cry to someone about ykkk

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you realized what he meant — it was evident he was trying to be considerate, not bringing up memories of… her. yet, despite his efforts, a wave of unease washed over you, screaming at you that you hadn't completely moved on. as you stared at the crumpled polaroid photos that once adorned your wall now barely stuffed in your dustbin, you really did need to let it out. you knew can't just ignore it and push it under the rug, no, not with the voices ringing in your head, telling you everyday to fucking kill yourself, you can't. you weren't over it yet — instead, you just forgot about it when you were with kai.

gazing over the text again, he really does care about you. you start to feel a bit better at that.

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you : thank you hyuka <3 i'll come over asap ok??? js need to find the address u gave me previously lol

hyuka💓 : of course!! i also need some entertainment and company, so i really do wanna hear you talkkkk

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turning off your phone, you lazily head to the bathroom to clean up. you spent a rushed 5 minutes trying to find a decent casual outfit while smothering vaseline all over your lips. you didn't want to appear at his doorway looking like a slug, especially because you just woke up.

grabbing your keys and necessities, remembering that he has an obsession with plushies, you grab your favourite one and rush out the apartment.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

you walk to his apartment as it wasn't far from yours. the thought of just chit-chatting to him in his room clouds your mind. your heartbeat races as you hope you don't look too unpresentable. despite your nervousness — you clutch the small plushie hanging on your bag handle, and it provides a sense of comfort, reminding you of him in a better light. you navigate the familiar streets, the cool morning air brushing against your skin.

arriving at his doorstep, you take a deep breath before pressing the doorbell. your heart pounds in your chest as you wait.. you have no idea why you're so nervous, maybe it's just because when he's on your mind, you feel a bit giddy inside.

when the door finally opens, you're immediately greeted by his warm smile, instantly easing your tension.

"hey girllll," he says, his tired eyes still glistening with excitement. "c’mon in!"

you follow him inside, the plushie held tightly in your grip. his apartment is moderately tidy for a college student — maybe a few pieces of clothing lying around, but you can't deny that your room is 5 times worse than that. you settle into the cozy atmosphere of his apartment, the tension slowly melts away. as you walk up the stairs to his room, he offers you a hand, probably for stability. you really hope he doesn't realize your cheeks are becoming beet red as you take his hand in yours and walk up the stairs together.

finally — you reach his room, and the both of you sigh as you settle in. first thing you notice? — his bed. you're greeted with the familiar collection of plushies at the corner of his bed that always show up in frame whenever he's on call with you. you gaze at his collection in awe as your lips slightly part in amusement, because it seemed as if he treated his plushies better than anything else in the house — they're stacked on top of each other with care, penguins that are arranged from big penguins to small ones, and the cherry on top? they're colour coded.

you plonk on his bed as if it was yours — but you make sure to not disturb his plushies, and he giggles.

“you really that tired?” he looks at you, palms on his waist.

“yeah,” you sigh. “but i can't decline talking to you, can i?” you say with a sarcastic smile.

kai giggles cockily. “toooo baddd~ you're stuck with me now.”

you grin at his silliness as you put down your bag and unhook your plushie to show it to him.

“look at what i got~” you coo.

his eyes brighten and his hand goes flying to cover his mouth and he gasps in amusement. he walks over to your direction and you scoot over to give him some space before he sits onto the spot on the bed beside you.

“oh. my. goshhh!!” he almost snatches it from you as he turns it in different angles to look at it under different lightings.

at that moment, you look at him like he's a toddler. he's sure acting like one, but you find it cute how he's so facinated about things like this, and at last, you feel a bit warm inside — a feeling of safety and comfort that locks within you when you're around him like this.

“give it backkkk!” you whine as he turns away from you, fixating on that poor penguin.

“mini peng peng will sit here beside the big peng pengs until you go home!” kai ignores you as he sits it beside his penguin plushie collection on his bed.

you sigh in defeat and he smiles at you.

“damn, you're lucky you're cute as hell.” you mumble.

“okay, okay. did you forget why you were here?” kai settles down.

for a moment — you look at him with confusion.

“you know… i mean, if you want to. i really don't mind if the mood darkens, i just want to console you. you didn't have anyone, right?” his tone deepens in pity.

…

“oh…” you answer, the bad memories flooding your brain once again.

“no, no, if you want to of course— i don't want to force you, please don't be sad—” he frantically tries to calm you down and immediately regrets asking.

“no, kai, it's okay. i feel that it's better if i don't bottle it up.” you say, avoiding his gaze.

kai nods at you with expectancy, he waits for you to talk.

“but..” you look up at him.

“but??” he responds, almost within light seconds.

“are you sure you want to sit here and be burdened?” you say, your head low as you look away again.

“y/n…”

“what, kai?”

he leans in to softly hug you, he doesn't fully hug you until he gets a signal of consent from you. when you timidly retrieve the hug, he squeezes you and pulls you in, chest to chest with you. he slightly shivers at the feeling of your chest so heavy against his. his chin is on the crown of your head as you quiver slightly beneath him.

“don't say that. you're not a burden..”

you don't respond, instead, your eyes slightly water.

“why do you think i wanted to talk to you?” he asks, with a warm, almost parental-like comforting tone.

you shake your head in response, shoving your face further into the soft wool of his sweater.

“ever since i saw the messages on yewon's screen, i didn't feel bad for anyone but you.” kai sighs.

you manage to mutter. “but, you got cheated on, aren't you sad?”

“no. honestly? i loved her very much. but it was so painfully obvious she used me for my money, so i was planning to break up with her anyway. when i found out she cheated on me, i just thought it was a win-win situation. she seemed happy to leave me anyway. i was only with her for two weeks, you know? and in that time, i never felt the same bond with her, or anyone else, that i feel with you after just a week and a half.” kai reassured you. every word he claimed, it calmed you more and more in your bones. honestly, you were so close to asking “what are we?” but you couldn't word anything but burst into tears under him.

your sobbing muffled in his sweater. you hope you didn't get any spit on his sweater.

“shh, shhh. it's gonna be okay.” he spoke to you, his chin rubbing the top of your head as he pats you on the back, almost like a father figure. there was no other word but “safe” you could use to describe how you felt as that happened.

that, followed by 5 minutes of comfortable silence in your hyuka's arms as you slowly calm down.

“wanna tell me what's up?” he broke the silence, his voice laced with care as he stroked your head with one hand, other still on your back.

“mmm..” you push away from him, finally looking up to his face for the first time since he hugged you.

your eyes are red, lips glossy and slightly parted, nose and cheeks swollen as you manage a pathetic smile. kai looks down at you dumbfounded, he giggles at the sight of you like this.

“damn girl, you look…. awful?” he remarks jokingly. he restrains another laugh as he wipes your tears.

“i do not need to know, hyuka..” you respond, smiling back at him as you wipe his hand away in efforts of wiping the rest of your tears.

the both of you end up lying on the bed, facing each other.

you've never been this close to him before — especially lying on his bed beside him as you go on and on to an understanding hueningkai who nods at every word you say.

“i got diagnosed with an eating disorder.” you softly say, and kai nods.

“i got hospitalized, i made starving myself a priority. hell, i still have tendencies of counting calories. i promised i'd stop. i knew it was bad..” you sigh.

kai winces slightly at your hospital comment.

“had nobody to stop me, -nd i couldn't stop myself,, and then.. and then,” your voice trembled with uncertaincy.

“—the scissors on my table was looking at me, screaming at me to use them on myself, and i—”

“what?” kai cut you off.

“um..”

“please don't tell me you…” kai gestured with a circular motion with his hands, indicating what he wanted to say.

“i'm sorry,,” you sigh, disappointed.

“...oh.” he looked away from you.

“fuck, don't tell me you hate me now? i'm so sorry, I won't do it again, i promise i really—”

“y/n..”

“yeah?” you said, ending with a sigh.

kai takes in a huge breath — “i don't hate you. i'm not disappointed either. i don't encourage you to do it, but i—i’m sorry, it just took me off guard. i'm not saying i want you to—but—it’s your choice, so i'm not disappointed in you, but i'm sure you're aware it's bad for you. just please tell me you won't continue. and mean it. even if you can't right now, i'll be with you until it comes true.” kai sighs, rolling onto his back as his chest rises up and down after holding in a breath he didn't know he held.

“k-kai, i'm.. i promise i won't. maybe i'll break the promise, but…” you pause.

kai looks back at you.

“i'll try my best, for you okay?”

kai shakes his head.

“no, not for me,” he closes his eyes, “for you. for the sake of YOUR well-being. it's not for the sake of making me proud, even though i very well will be proud of you for being clean, but i care most about your health. i want you to stop, for you.”

“i—i..” your voice staggers, somehow restraining what you want to say.

you've always told him “i love you”, many many times. often, it comes off as platonic, but why do you feel tingly — why does your heart flutter as you try to cough out those three words? i, love, and you. it's just three words. why don't you just—

“i love you,” you sigh, breathy in his ear. “h-hyuka.”

“i love you too, y/n.” he responds. it clearly came off as platonic for him, so you don't say anything else to ruin it.

“y-yeah.. thanks. for a lot,” you sniffle again. “thanks for listening to me.”

“it's nothing. it really isn't. i'd much much muuuch rather listen to you talk about your problems than talk to a trash can.” he jokingly references the texts of your ex best-friend, and because it's been quite a while, the both of you giggle at that with no hard feelings.

“um, y/n?” he says, out of the blue.

“yeah?”

“do you mind if i see the scars?”

your heart stops for a second.

“uh, um..”

“i don't want to force you. please don't show it if you don't want to.” he retreats.

“no, i trust you.” you reassure him.

trust is a heavy word. it's certainly weighty — how can you apply this word on a guy you only met for barely two weeks? but he certainly has done nothing but make you feel safe. he's not love bombing you either — as everything between you guys have been kept platonic for every day you've known each other. so, you know that you trust him.

he nods and sighs, prepared for the sight that is awaiting him.

as you sit up, he follows suit, his gaze following your every action. but you hesitate to roll up your pants.

"you really don't have to.." he breathes out, his tone heavy with empathy.

your head dips slightly; awfully disappointed in yourself.

"no, i'm sorry. maybe not now... maybe a bit later when it's less obscene looking.."

"okay, of course." he reassures you gently. he pats your back, each stroke tinged with understanding.

the tension between you both in the room grows hot despite the depressing topic. the way he made you feel so secure kind of had your core honestly ache for him... you know hyuka noticed by the way you constantly crossed your arms to cover your pants, but despite his face growing noticably hot — he didn't mention it.

the rest of the day spent at his, you both did talk about less depressing things — and more about your shared hobbies with him, much about plushies and music and astronomy just to clear the air for a bit.

as he sends you home, the sun sets a beautiful pink and you feel so much better, so much weight off of your shoulders. you can't stop thinking about him. your thoughts about him have became... slightly lewd. maybe it's just the times where he doesn't think you notice him sneakily glancing at your chest once in a while. you think it's cute.

but... he manages to make you feel comfortable and he knows how to keep it in his pants. which, you can't stop thinking about.

you really can't stop thinking about him.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

a few days passed by, and as classes had ended — you had a week of free time to complete your assignments. you wanted to go back to your apartment to complete them.

as you make your way towards the train station, a familiar voice echoes in the distance. who else can it be, but your best friend, hueningkai, calling out to you? you turn your head to see him running towards you, a bright smile on his face.

"y/nnn!" kai's voice rings out, filled with excitement as he closes the distance between you.

you stop in your tracks as you take out one side of your earphones. a smile sneaks up on your face as you look at him, waiting for him and his long legs to catch up. when he finally reaches you, he's slightly out of breath but still, beaming.

"hyuka!! what're you here for?" you ask, unplugging your earphones and stuffing them into your pocket.

“haah… haa… i made a last minute choice to go back home, and since you're here now, i'd prefer riding the train with you.” he says, panting.

“honestly, since you're here already, you can stay at my place for a night if you want.” you suggest, since he'd let you over that day.

“mmm… i’ve got no clothes to change..”

“silly, just borrow mine. my clothes are awfully baggy, and you know it.” you giggle.

“you're so right, i'm coming! hehehe~” kai drags you by your arm like an excited toddler despite being almost a foot taller than you. he drags you to the next stop after buying tickets, and the both of you board on the train together.

as the train rattled along the tracks, you and kai sat at the seats nearest to the end of the train.

"how's everything going with your classes?" kai asked, leaning back against his seat.

you shrugged, a tireless look across your face. "been like shit honestly, ’ve been having loads and loads of assignments, but at least they're due not that soon, so i'll probably be okay.” you sigh as you scramble in your pocket for your earphones.

"damn," he replied, sighing. "i've been swamped with practice lately."

you nodded in understanding, knowing how much he practices for piano. “too bad, but you already can play the piano so well, so it's weird seeing you practice every second of the day when you're not studying."

kai whines at your comment. “i have 495 pieces i haven't mastered yet, you don't get ittt..”

you scoff in reply as you plug in your earphones into your phone.

you wipe the left side of the bud and hand it to him. “wanna share? i have aaaaaamazing music taste.” you smile.

“i don't believe you, but sure..” he takes your earphone bud and puts it in his ear. you follow suit with the right one.

“this is actually kinda good?” kai looks at you in amusement.

“are you saying you didn't expect me to have good music taste? you bastard!” you nudge him playfully, and he giggles hysterically.

a few minutes pass in silence as kai slowly dozes off onto your shoulder. his fluffy hair is against the crook of your neck. you sneakily take his hand in yours, and in surprise, he'd intertwined his fingers with yours and even gripped it tightly. you felt your cheeks grow hot, but you stayed there like that. the train shakes consistently as it moves, but when you have kai holding your hand, you feel more secure than ever.

the rest of the train ride passed in a blur, the hours slipping away as the both of you rested against each other. before you knew it, the train was pulling into your stop, and you gave kai a light tap to wake him up, gathered your belongings, unplugged your earphones, ready to head back to your apartment with him.

you reach your apartment door and unlock it, letting him in first. he trails behind you as you lead him to your room.

“you can just hang around in my room first, i'm gonna go to the toilet. i'll be right back!” you said as you walked out of your room. kai hummed in understanding and put his things at the corner of your room.

leaving him alone, kai's gaze wandered curiously, fixating on familiar objects with an uneasy feeling in his gut. he'd slowly settled onto your bed to check his phone until something else caught his eye — a piece of paper that looked like it was stuffed at the corner of your bed frame with much effort. kai knew he shouldn't butt in your business, but he couldn't help but reach for the ominous looking paper, torn and worn with dust and rips.

kai reached out, fingers trembling as they brushed against the surface of the letter. with a hesitant breath, he uncrumpled the paper, more of a letter as he continued to unravel the folds. his eyes quivered the more he read — each word a dagger to his heart as he realized what it was — that suicide letter you had written 2 weeks prior after that incident; a damned diary page torn out of it's book with your heaviest feelings written onto the sheet as poorly written words.

he doesn't remember you telling him about this before. he never had a doubt that you were faking that energy whenever you were with him. he could've never guessed you rip your eyes out everyday in the campus bathrooms because your intrusive thoughts keep telling you to jump. and he would've never thought you were ill if you didn't tell him.

“how can such sunshine like you be consumed by such darkness?” was the thought that rang in his mind the further his eyes made its way down the paper.

the words no longer made sense to him. they blurred before his eyes, tears stinging like alcohol as he struggled to read the next sentence.

“the fuck are you doing?” you stood at your doorway, beads of tears welling up at your eyes once you realized what he was reading.

kai's heart clenched with anguish as he looked up at you with eyes glossy with tears.

the both of you exchanged uncomfortable stares at each other as he held the paper in his hands tighter than ever before, his knuckles turning a whiteish hue.

“why d-didn't you say anything?” kai's lips quivered as he stared deadly into your eyes; eyelids failing to hold his tears from falling.

“put it down… please..” you softly begged as you reached for the paper, fat beads of tears rolling down your swollen cheeks.

but kai puts it behind him, and he stands up.

“p-please, please don't hate me, please i'm so awfully sorry, i re—”

“don't.” kai sighed.

and then, in the silence that followed — kai enveloped you in his embrace. as you returned the hug, the both of you shivered as tears uncontrollably fell from the both of your eyes. there were no words spoken between you guys — just timely sniffs and “i'm sorry” being whispered over and over again.

“y/n,” kai's lips quivered as he let go of you and wiped his eyes.

“yeah?” you reply, timidly.

kai cupped your face as he swooped your tears away. "you know? if you left this early, you wouldn't be able to see the stars like you always wanted to — instead, you'd be the star that i'd gaze at every night with tears in my eyes.”

you felt tears well up at your eyes again.

“i love you, y/n.”

“i love you …. too?”

“no, like… actually. i really fucking love you.” kai confessed lowly.

silence fills the air as he expectantly waits for a word. but, all that clouds your mind is... finally. he finally confessed.

“i'm sorry—” kai stumbled as he took his hand off of your face.

“no. can i?” you said as your eyes darted at his plump, swollen lips.

“can you.. what?” he asked.

placing a hand on his face, the air grows intimate between you guys. his eyes glisten at you, hoping you'd do what he thinks you would. before your lips meet with his, time seems to stop for a split second—

and then it happens. the soft collision of your tender lips against his, and the both of your eyes flutter close. the tension in the air begins to rise as your soft moan travels down his throat as a vibration and he can't help but grab your waist closer to his.

“mmm, fuck.. cherry lipbalm?” he mumbles into the kiss, and you nod. my god, his dirty talking is already so hot to you.

you let go of the kiss to catch a breath. there's a string of spit connecting the both of your lips as you let go.

clearly, the mood had become so much more lustful. you run your fingers through his fluffy hair for the first time. the both of your tears had dried in no time — now, the only thing the both of you need? each other.

you nudge his inner thighs with your knee, and as soon as you felt his erection hiding beneath his pants, you knew he wanted you as much as you did.

“oh my god,” you moaned. “that’s really hot.”

“do you wanna? perhaps it'll make you feel better, maybe relieve some tension..” kai asked.

“protection?” you suggested.

“mm,” kai went to reach out in his bag, and like a magician, a condom appeared in his hands.

“how do you have—”

“i bought a couple extra when i got some for my friend. now, it's just been there for a while.” he immediately explains.

“did you ever think you were gonna use them on someone?” you walk him to the bed, crumpling the letter and tossing it to the other side of your room.

“no,” kai grins. “but it came in handy huh?”

when kai is in this mood, it's as though he's a completely different person from the kai you've known since the day you met him. my god — his tone has never sounded this lustful, his voice going down an octave as he speaks.

“i'm going to make you feel so good,, make you forget about everything that happened. treat you like a princess. i’ll do all the work, okay? i feel like you definitely need it.” kai gently picked you up and onto the bed with your back against the mattress.

“mmm.. i trust you..” you nodded as your body shook with that pet name. he delicately tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

“are you sure you want this, y/n?” he stops in the middle of unbuckling his belt — making sure you fully consent to this. you nod desperately and he grins in response as the belt slides effortlessly off his waist.

he unbuttons his pants and immediately his hard-on looks like it's going to explode any time out of his boxers.

“wanna help me take it off?” he coos, as he kneels closer to you.

“yeah, hyuka.” you tug at his waistband playfully and pull it down. he's way bigger than you expected — his cock stiffly springs out of his boxers and hits his stomach with momentum. his veins travel from below the tip all the way to his stomach, and as he pumps his cock back — his fiery red tip is revealed, and as you admire it, you touch it and it's burning hot to the touch.

“holy shit.. how's that going to fit?” you scoff out in amusement as kai giggles at your unserious comment, a tinge of his usual bubbly self present in that giggle.

unwrapping the condom, he offers it to you to help him put it on.

instead, you sit up on your elbows so that his cock is in front of your lips — placing the condom on your lips, you hold his hips in place and bob your head forwards to roll it on with your lips.

he gasps as his breath catches in his throat — his eyes rolling back as he looks back at you. “my fucking god, y/n,” he sighs in pleasure. “that looked so hot, you know?”

you look up at him as your lips leave his cock with a pop sound, smile stretching across your face, proud at the praise he'd given you.

you lie back on your back as he adjusts the condom around the base of his shaft.

you unbuckle your pants hesitantly.

“but.. you won't be scared by the scars?” you quietly said, almost missed by him if he wasn't paying attention to you.

“i’ll never be scared or be mad at you. as long as you don't relapse, i'll be proud of those scars that proved you won a war. now, don't be scared, just lie there and i'll fuck you so good you won't have to worry anymore.” he reassures you as he patiently waits for you to undress.

“o-okay,,” you smile at him, shivering on the inside at the last few words, your desperation for him growing more and more. he delicately helps you bring your pants to your toes.

taking them off, he runs a finger across your jagged thighs.

“they're so pretty, you know? you, your thighs, those prettily healed scars, everything is perfect. i'm so proud of you.” he smiles in satisfaction as he watches you spread your thighs open for him. he places a kiss in your inner thigh, and taps his tip against your clothed folds.

“for the last time; are you sure, princess?”

“yes, yes hyuka! i want you!” your voice desperate in reply, he slips your panties aside, letting the cold air hit your sensitive clit.

kai teases your folds as he rubs his tip against them, going back and forth as the wet sounds combine with your desperate whines echo throughout the room — sounding like music to his ears.

“so fucking wet already… such a pretty clit for me~” he softly coos as he runs a thumb across your squelching clit, and your hips slightly tug at that.

“mmmh, j-just want you in me already—aah fuck—”

he thrusts a finger up your naturally lubed pussy and stares at simply how glossy his finger looks.

“shit, you're really desperate, huh?” he grins as he puts that finger in his mouth, sucking it clean.

“taste so sweet, pretty.” he coos at you before nudging his tip around the rim of your entrance.

“shit, i'm gonna thrust now, ’kay?”

“mmm!!” you whine in response as you nod your head.

“f-fuck, haa…” he whines as you take him inch by inch.

“so fucking tight, ngh—” he moans when he feels his tip touch the back of your gummy walls. he's only a bit more than halfway in.

“a-ah, my g-god,,” you whine lewdly as your breath staggers.

“so.. so pretty like this.. i promise i'll do everything to make you happy again.” kai whispers as he holds your hand.

he starts to slowly pick up his pace as he pumps his shaft swiftly in and out of you as wet, sloppy slapping sounds echo with a rhythm. he's dedicated to making your hips meet with each thrust.

“fuckkk, feels so good, mmmfhh!!” you let go of his hand and bite on your knuckles as you restrict your noises, hoping your neighbors won't hear you.

“who cares if anyone hears us,” kai takes your fist off of your mouth, and locks his fingers with yours again. “fucking want you, wanna hear your pretty—ngh—voice tell me how good i make you feel~”

“s-shit, so good, so good..” you manage to mumble as scrabbled words leave your tongue.

“make you feel so good? feels good, huh?” kai uses his freehand to cup your face and stroke your cheek lovingly.

“mmmh!!” you whine out, his thrusts getting sloppy as he throws his head back.

“aah… my god, your walls are clenching on me, fucking drives me crazy,,” his trembling voice manages to go down a few keys, almost like growling.

“does it? show me how it makes you feel..” you reply, clenching on him harder as he winces.

he lets go of his hand in yours, and forces your palm onto his clothed chest — and yet, you can still distinctly feel how fast his heart is beating, and how he's shivering as he continues to thrust.

he interlocks his fingers with yours on his chest, securing it at the feeling of his pumping heart.

“this is how you make me feel, making me go insane, you know that? do that again and i might just bust already,” he moans out, his hips stuttering.

oh my god, he's hot. really fucking hot.

“do it, then. you have protection on.” you suggest, and immediately you feel his thrusting come to a stop as his eyes roll back and the rubber expands inside you.

“fuck, you really did?” you smirk up at him.

his heavy breathing is jagged as his lips tremble. holding the condom at the base of his shaft, with one final thrust he milks himself of his hot cum, he finally comes out of you — a slightly wet pop following as he leaves you inch by inch.

“that was,” you cut yourself off as you catch a breath. “so good..?” you sigh.

“i know right.” he replies as he takes off the condom delicately — some of his cum still around his entire cock. a string of his slick connecting his glossy tip to the base of the condom.

“damn, that's nasty..” you laugh, and he holds the condom with caution in reply to your words.

“you're right,” he sighs. “i'll clean this and throw it away.” the condom is sticky and sagging with his cum. he ties it up and disposes it in a plastic bag he'd always prepared.

“you're hard ….. again?” you notice, as you look down to his cock now glowing blushy red again, and standing up on its own.

“fuck, guess you gotta help me now..” kai looks at you with a cocky smirk, and you roll your eyes.

but how can you say no to that? because now, you're sat face in front of his hard-on again, this time ready to clean it up with your lips.

“this is my first time, so just tell me if it hurts.” you prepare him, and he nods.

you close your eyes and take him in. despite being the first time, hearing kai gasp as you lower your head on him, making your way down from his tip makes your confidence skyrocket. you hollow your cheeks and wrap your tongue around his cock — striking every nerve that sends blood rushing to his cock.

“sss-shit, aah—” he grits his teeth, and immediately you let go of his cock, in fear that you've hurt him by accidentally biting or scraping his shaft.

“did i hurt you, hyuka?” you ask, worriedly checking for any red spots on his shaft, but there wasn't anything.

“n-no, please don't stop, p-please, it felt so good,” kai whines out desperately as he starts to bottom out. he didn't sound close to anything dominant like the kai that was topping you a few minutes ago.

“mmm, okay.” you breathe out onto his tip, hot breath hitting his sensitive spot as he sighs.

as you bob your head down onto him again, swallowing him and enveloping his entire shaft down your throat, almost triggering your gag reflex. you coat his shaft with your saliva and your tongue hugs his tip carefully, flicking it up and down as you watch his hips jitter in response. he moans under you, staring at his cock disappear down your throat.

you slide up and down at a fixed pace and his voice staggers as you do.

“fuck, are you sure this is your f-first—mmh—” he doesn't manage to finish his sentence as he throws his head back at the feeling of his cockhead fitting perfectly at the base of your throat, and you had no idea how you had it in you to not choke on him.

“oh my god.. o-oh.. my fucking god,” kai cries out, his hips starting to stutter, hitting your upper pallette. “i’m gonna cum, fuck, fuck..”

he starts to thrust into your mouth by instinct, and you take him with all your last efforts, and then, you feel his cock twitch inside your mouth, followed by pumps of semen down your throat as you try swallowing every drop of it, despite feeling new and gooey and weird to you.

“haa…haah…” he moans, and you slowly lift your head off him.

“my god y/n. i can't believe this is your first time..” he breathily states.

“really?” you finally catch the breath that you felt like you'd been holding this whole time. when you look up at him for the first time since you sucked him off, his lips are all glossy, his eyes are swollen with tears and his cheeks hot with pleasure. you have never seen him more fucked out than this.

“my god, you're ruined!” you giggle as you lean forward to wipe his semi-dried tears.

“says you with your drool covered mouth..” he remarks, and you immediately wipe your lips.

“is that all you have to say after i just gave you the best blowjob ever?” you tease.

“noooo!!! it was so good, it literally sent me to the stars.” he giggled.

“one day, i'm bringing you to see the stars, for real.” you replied, and you could see his eyes glisten as it spread wide open in interest.

“no! i'm the one bringing you there! you deserve it more!” kai defended like a 5 year old kid, and you couldn't help but chuckle.

“as long as i'm with you, you don't have to worry about how i feel. you saved me, you know?” you sighed.

“what? so what does that letter mean?” he asked sternly.

“the reason why it was trashed in the corner of my bed is because it was written before i met you, dumbass. you made me change my mind.”

“o-oh,” he softly spoke. “really?”

“of course, hyuka. i'm never this happy around anyone. anyone, but you, obviously.”

kai placed a peck on your lips. “i fucking love you so damn much, i hope you know.”

“i know. i realized i loved you the day we ate at that cafe together. in class, all i could think about was you.”

“mmm, and i realized i loved you the day i bumped into you that day and saw you for the first time.” kai smiled.

“okay, okay. let's go get cleaned up, enough of this cheesiness.” you sat up, and he mirrors you, giggling like his usual self as he pulls his waistband up and trails behind you to the bathroom.

⋆.˚ ☁︎ .𖥔˚ ☾

"hey! easy there, don't pull too hard!" kai yelped as you raced towards the shore at nearly light speed, dragging him along by the wrists.

"we've gotta seize every chance to see this! we didn't travel all this way for nothing!" you shouted into the chilly midnight air, your voice echoing against the starry sky.

the night is silent and remote. as the both of you reach the seashore, you both halt to a stop at the shoreline — panting as the both of your heads look up to finally see real stars in the night sky, clusters of stellar bodies that glisten under the prettiest rays of light. the moon is also shining brighter than you've ever seen it.

“i think i'm going to cry,” you jokingly say as you sit down onto the sand. you bring him down with you, grip on his wrist still awfully tight.

“is this what heaven on earth feels like?” kai adds, and you laugh even more.

kai scoots over to sit closer to you as the both of you lean against each other, gazing at the stars like you're both hypnotized.

"i can't believe we're finally stargazing together for the first time," kai said softly.

"yeah," you replied, still lost in the starry spectacle, the world around you fading into a distant hum.

there's a comforting silence that follows, disturbed by the whooshing wind, or leaves waving and fluttering against each other and birds tweeting from afar.

“but..” kai broke the silence.

“hm?” you hummed as you took your eyes off of the sky to look at him.

“if you've always wanted to go watch the stars, why didn't you decide to go yourself? why would you wait for me?” kai asked, his voice breathy and cold.

your head laid onto the comfort of the crook of his neck. “because, despite all these stars, you still shine the brightest. i wouldn't enjoy this as much as i am now if i wasn’t sitting here with you. you're my one and only starlight.”

“your starlight?” he hesitantly said, his voice barely over a whisper..

a genuine smile stretches across your face, finally finding solace with the person who has been the light in your life since the day you met him, the hyuka who saved you.

“yes, my starlight.”

[bugzaort]

TERU TIME 🥳🥳🥳

[chaotic-average-child]

getting back on my drawing slowly but surely ^^ here's an aleena

[cookinguptales]

man, I don't know if it's like. residual emotional effects from yesterday, the physical toll it took on my body, hormones or just like. a general sense of malaise. but I just kind of want to lie in bed and cry today.

I just finished a work project, which is generally call for celebration, but I just. every time I try to work on a creative project instead, I feel like everything I make is awful. every time I try to just veg and watch something, I feel like I'm wasting my time. my brain is very... scratchy today, for lack of a better word.

idk, maybe I'm just mentally exhausted. I had to put on kind of a brave and friendly face for most of yesterday, but it was a pretty awful experience. the actual migraine(?) was terrifying, especially because the experience wasn't anything like other migraines I've had, the tests were stressful and painful and I'm having quite a few physical effects today because of them. and no matter how often it happens to me, there's something so specifically demoralizing about paying several hundred dollars to go to the hospital and stay there all day just for them to say "good news! we can't find anything wrong!" like that makes you feel any better at all when something clearly is.

idk how I feel so simultaneously over and underwhelmed today.

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Fingers crossed for the ice to be melted enough tomorrow that I can go get breakfast and some groceries 🤞

[dianetastesmetal]

Jesus fuck, I hate dog people so much

[umilily]

man really needs a better tailor smh

[necroticghost]

I'm hurting so much rn

[lusalemaart]

And now I'm stuck in baby prison.

[supercantaloupe]

the skin on like a specific two of my fingertips absolutely loves to split the fuck open no matter how careful i am about skin and nail care and it's so frustrating

[petitgalaxy]

..

[janthecrow]

TOO SOON

TOO SOON HUN

picture this, i give you a glass bottle and tell you to open it, but bottle openers are forbidden, how do you do it?

[tonycries]

Unmistakably Yours - G.S.

Synopsis. In which the strongest bends space and time - literally - after coming back from deatḣ, to do what he’s always wanted to do - you.

Pairing. Gojo Satoru x Reader

Content. MDNI, fem! reader, best friends to lovers, Satoru goes a little (very) INSANE, oral (fem receiving), fíngering, manga spoilers, use of jujutsu powers, unprotected, créampie, spitting, overstim, féral Satoru, heinous things, happy ending, pet names, swearing.

Word count. 4.5k

A/N. Yeahhh that poll was cooking up something devious heheh. Gege give me back my man.

Gojo Satoru was going to kill someone.

He was going to kill someone and it didn’t matter who. It didn’t matter how. It didn’t even matter if he had to haul his broken body - scarred and barely-healed - out of this stiff infirmary bed, because the great Gojo Satoru awoke and the world shook.

Because you weren’t here.

“Ah. The oh-so deadest one, I see you’re awake.” Satoru flinches at the sharp, exhausted drawl from his left. 

Slowly, he blinks away the haze in his aching eyes, desperately trying to adjust to the cold room. Shoko’s voice was too loud. The lights too bright. His waiting arms too empty - where were you? 

With a low hiss, Satoru’s body is moving before his mind, sitting up like a man possessed. Goosebumps prickle his skin as the thin blanket falls off his shoulders. Temples throbbing because the world was spinning and spinning and you-

“Calm down, Satoru.” Shoko sounds almost panicked now - as much as she could, anyway. Uselessly trying to push him back onto the mattress. “I don’t care if you’re the ‘strongest’. Sukuna did a number on you and you have to rest-”

“Where is she?”

---

It was the final nail on your coffin - that slight, steady rumble beneath your feet. So fleeting that you’d written it off as your weary brain, too goddamn tired from today. Heaving out a sigh, you rub your eyes in frustration, so fucking alone in this too-large penthouse. 

Fingers jittery, you rifle through your best friend’s closet for his box of blindfolds, because you knew he’d be complaining about the sensory overload at the infirmary if- when he woke up. Though, you think that was more an excuse for Shoko to send your wrecked self away than anything. 

Grabbing a few more than necessary, your heart lurches as you eye that dusty framed photo by his bedside. A much younger Satoru, Suguru, Shoko, and you - probably the last time any of you smiled so carelessly. 

One dead and the other just on the cusp of it.

He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. He’s the strongest, right?

Swallowing heavily, you try to put your mind to something - anything - other than the memory of that battlefield and the blood. So much blood. Everywhere. 

God, you should’ve stayed. What if Satoru-

That was when you felt it. 

The tight, uncomfortable feeling of atoms standing at attention all around you. The air was so stagnant and heavy that it was almost hard to breathe. 

You don’t know how you realize what it is - but you don’t get the chance to wonder about it either. Because the thought has barely even crossed your mind before everything else is thrown at the window at those two words. 

Hoarse, and whispered, voice ever-so-slightly cracking at the end. One you recognized, one you knew you always would.

“My love?”

Satoru.

It was a miracle that you didn’t get whiplash from how fast you whirled around to face the doorway - and it was an even bigger miracle that you didn’t trip at how your legs were carrying you to that tall, familiar flash of white hair without a second thought. 

Hell, you don’t think you’ve ever run this fast in your life, and it still wasn’t quick enough when Satoru engulfed you in his arms. Letting out a soft sigh as he hugs you tight enough that it hurt, like he never wanted to let go. 

All familiar warmth and a rapid heartbeat that matched your own. 

A shiver runs down your spine at that scent of the infirmary, tinged with something so dangerously metallic, miles away from the usual hints of pine and candy. But you only pull Satoru closer - not even realizing the tears staining his snug t-shirt, nails digging into his sculpted back. 

“S-Satoru?” you murmur wetly, as if you still couldn’t believe it - even when you were in his strong arms. 

It killed you to pull away, and Satoru wasn’t any better, pulling you firmly to his heated body with a guttural grunt as soon as you showed any signs of shifting away. Grip almost bruising, fingers tight on your hips. But you didn’t mind, why would you? 

Because the strongest was nothing under your will - he always was. And it’s only once you break the embrace just a fraction of an inch that you confirm that this actually was Satoru - your Satoru. 

“You’re here.” you breathe out unsteadily, not knowing where to look first - his heaving chest, as if he’d run all the way here, or those faint scars along his exposed skin. Jagged, running down his pale skin like he was too impatient - too distracted - to let them heal properly. Satoru’s face was scarily blank, pretty lips set in a tight grimace like every second you weren’t locked in his arms killed him. 

He doesn’t answer - like he didn’t know himself. Nervously, you raise your eyes to meet his and-

Oh, Satoru, he was here. Alive.

Looking like he was ready to make sure that no one else was.

You just wondered where they’d pile all the casualties. Too many to bury at Jujutsu High if those tiny blue flickers of lightning at the corners of Satoru’s eyes were anything to go by. 

Gaze hooded, pupils blown, he didn’t look at you with that usual warmth. No, he looked at you like a man that had crawled back from death just to rip you apart. And you had half the mind to wonder whether this was some special grade curse that had just come disguised as your best friend. 

“Are you okay?” you try again, raising a hand to cup his cheek. “Toru?”

Oh, you might as well have just signed your own will, because no sooner are the words out of your mouth before Satoru’s jolting. Like the mere sound of that stupid little nickname from high school was enough to shock him to his very core. 

Electrify him just enough to finally look at you like it was the first time. Like he was seeing you after a thousand years. “My love.”

There it was again, that quiet, strained little mantra. 

Followed very closely by the deafening slam! of the door behind him, so hard that you spy one of the hinges rattling off. Startled, you look over Satoru’s broad shoulders just to catch a glimpse of the single, large handprint charred into the wood, slight steam wafting from his hand.

Shit. He’s lost it.

Almost like the strongest has forgotten his restraint - or didn’t care about it either way. Heated, you wondered what this boded for you. 

Will you be lucky number one on his kill list? You wonder, as Satoru presses his mouth right above your pulse. Racing. Dangerous. Feeling the rapid thump! thump! thump! under his lips.

Breathing you in, dragging his nose up, up, up- He mutters into your skin, “Y’can kill me if you don’t want this.” Will you go down - if there’s anyone left to remember, that is - as the casualty that surely and officially signaled the honored one’s descent into madness? Only the second best friend he had to kill?

Or, Satoru pulls away slowly from his little haven, breath ghosting your lips as he gasps out a shaky, “No God can take me away without doing this.” Will it be something else entirely?

And then he’s kissing you - and you’re kissing him. 

Because fuck, how could you not? This is Satoru, and this is all you’ve ever wanted since those late night convenience store runs in high school, hand-in-hand and teleporting away from a furious Yaga.

The same Satoru that had cockily winked at you goodbye before facing Sukuna - leaving you crying with nothing to hold onto but those cold, cold hands and wishes that you’d have just fucking kissed him before. Maybe even put aside your pride to just tell him.

But none of that mattered now, because Satoru was so desperate - drinking you in like you were the last breath of air on Earth. Like it hurt more to part with your lips than it was to be cleaved in half.

Such a mess of teeth and saliva, and you were addicted. Drunk off his sweet taste - like candy, almost, and those cheap mochi he always got from downtown - and the electricity pricking at you each time your skin grazed against his.

It almost hurt - but it hurt so good.

Gasping, you pull away for air - impossible with the way Satoru was like a madman, kissing your swollen lips again and again and-

“Toru!” you squeal, muffled through his lips. “Aren’t you-” His mouth drops into a soft oh! at the delicate strings of saliva snapping in the non-existent space between you two. Surging forward like he couldn’t help himself. “Battlefield- mmpf- now?”

With a pained grunt, Satoru finally halts, just a hair’s breadth from your lips. And if you were in any better state of mind, maybe you’d have noticed the brief flicker of blue lightning all over his body. The way the lights flicker. 

“Special curtain.” he pants against your open mouth, a muscled thigh shoving between your weakening legs. “Time barely passes in here.”

You don’t know what your head is reeling more from his words or his hands - hands that kill - caressing you like a lover everywhere. Unable to decide between your hips, to your ass, to your pretty pretty face. Kiss-bitten lips uttering, “Everyone’s waiting for you.”

“So?” Satoru lets out a humorless laugh. About an octave higher than usual, like he was at the end of his rope now. Eyes hazy and glowing, looking as if it took everything in him to not just tear off that uniform and take you right now. 

“But-”

“Shut up and let me ruin you, my love.”

Your back is hitting the mattress before you can even start to wonder what the fuck is happening. One second standing at the doorway and the other all sprawled out on Satoru’s bed.

Besides yourself, you blurt out, trying to make sense of the situation to both of you two. “Did- did you just teleport us?”

“Don’t know.” he answers. And Satoru sounded like he genuinely didn’t know, as bewildered as you were. Powers acting before him - way, way before he can think - as he fists your shirt in his hands. “Don’t care.”

And you half wondered whether Satoru was even aware of what he was doing as he pulls, down, down down. 

Rip!

It tears through the air - both the sound, and the way he’s just pulling your shirt to shreds. All depravity and no repentance as Satoru throws it behind God-knows-where. Buttons hitting the floor at a maddening little rhythm to which he was slowly losing his sanity. 

He was kissing you like he was angry - taking it out on your poor clothes. Because before you know it, he’s pulling your bra off. Fingers searing on your skin, skirt just tatters on the floor. 

“Waited too long.” he groans, leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses down your neck. “Always wanted to do this.” And once he started, it was like Satoru just couldn’t stop, rambling into the valley of your breasts, “Ever since I first saw you and oh-”

That was it - only one look at your panties, all flimsy and drenched - and you’re back to wondering what Satoru’s kill count would be. You shudder as his eyes widen, letting out a strangled gasp from some deep, primal part of himself. Voice so broken and starved as he muses, “-can’t believe I waited this long.”

Shit. You weren’t making it out alive.

Immediately, Satoru’s dropping further down the mattress, easily pushing your knees up all the way till they were at your breasts. 

And it was so unfair. 

Unhair how he was still fully clothed, while you were spread so shamefully. Unfair how he was sliding his underneath your panties up and down, grazing your swollen folds. Up and down, up and down up and- Pooling your sweet sweet juices on his fingertips before pulling, marveling at how sinfully soaked they were. 

And it was like something snapped - maybe his whatever restraint he had left, probably you by the end of this. Because just a split-second later, Satoru’s tearing right through your panties. Not even taking a second to breathe before burying his pretty face into your dripping cunt. 

Unfair how you were liking it so dangerously. Being so used. 

And Satoru knows - he thinks, with whatever rationality he has left intact - that he wants to admire your pretty lil’ cunt. To finally drink in what he’s been dreaming about for years all these lonely nights. But, no, that’s for later - for a different Satoru, one that didn’t feel like he was going to fucking die if he didn’t taste you right now. 

“Ah! Hngh- T-Toru-” you arch into his hot tongue, as he licks erratically up your folds, long, sloppy movements of his tongue all the way from your base to your swollen clit. Lapping at your juices like he couldn’t stop.

“Tha’s right.” words muffled into your cunt. Throwing your legs over his sculpted shoulders. “Gimme more, use me. Use me- fuck fuck fuck- yeah.”

He sounded as delirious as you were already, flinching with each word spat into your sensitive cunt. Drunk off your pussy and so messy, like he was well and fully intent on ruining you. 

And it’s all you can do to sob so needily as he swirls his tongue around your sensitive clit. Seemingly unable to decide between sucking on it harshly and dipping into your sloppy hole. In and out. Wanting everything. Anything. 

“Fuck. S’too deep. Sh-shit.”

“Oh yeah?” he’s grinning, a cruel, cold little grin. You can feel it as he rolls his tongue against your clit over and over. “S’not deep enough.”

You pathetically try to close your legs around his head in shock, as the tips of his long fingers spread open your pussy further, teasing your entrance. 

But who were you against the strongest? The one that got everything handed to him on a silver platter since birth? Except you - until now, that is.

Because Satoru’s swatting thighs back open like it was a mere inconvenience, and feel your cunt clench in- fear? Anticipation? as you realize how gently he was throwing you around like a ragdoll, in comparison to that door from earlier. 

“No.” he sounds absolutely wrecked, babbling around your throbbing clit. “Need this- need you.”

And then he’s plunging knuckle-deep in your plushy pussy, so greedily that your slick is trailing down his wrist. Drinking in your pretty gasps of his name as he roams for that one spot he knows will have you seeing stars - only the best for his girl, right? The only thing on his mind right now, like a predator starved.

You can only tug on his hair and buck wildly underneath him, inching Satoru closer to where he was desperately searching for. Close - so close. 

“Toru-” you moan, like a prayer. 

But it wasn’t fast enough. 

Not for Satoru, at least.

Even through the haze in your eyes, you could make out that brief flash of electric blue in-between your legs, eyes widening as ah-

That cheat. 

You wondered if he even knew he was using his powers right now. Or whether Satoru was too far gone at this point. Way too smug with the way he hits that one spot. Hard. 

Ah, you quiver as something so dark sparks in his eyes. Looking like a man starved, that had finally come across his favorite meal. Moving with frightening accuracy as he pumps his fingers in and out, hitting it each and every time. 

“Shit, ngh-” you let out a shrill moan, “It’s too good. You’re so fucking-” 

One hand was so messy toying with your dripping entrance - the other digging into your hips. Dragging your sloppy pussy senselessly all over his mouth. 

Hard enough that you were sure it’d leave marks for tomorrow. If you even made it that long, that is, if the tiny shocks of electricity at his fingertips told you anything. 

Desperate. Violent, even.

So it only makes sense that your orgasm was the same. “Fuck- m’cumming m’cumming, fuck fuck fuck-” You’re shaking as you cum, crying out Satoru’s name and delirious little moans that you’d otherwise be embarrassed of. 

And he doesn’t stop. Not when you’re blinking your vision back. Not when you’re shying away from his tongue, the stars behind your eyes too much with each flick of his tongue. 

“S’too much- too- fuck, sensitive, Toru.” you whine, big fat tears clinging to your lashes. 

Ah, there it was again. Just when Satoru was beginning to think that he might just be veering into a state of mind that could be considered sane - you have to call him that goddamn nickname again. And it’s only driving him wild. 

Well, he muses, fumbling with the hem of his t-shirt, it’s really on you then. 

You let out a fucked-out little whine as Satoru finally takes his shirt off, revealing such milky, toned skin. All sharp curves and dips like he was sculpted so meticulously, going down, down, down and- Your breath hitches at the large, pink scar standing out of his torso, so uneven and fresh that you feel a fresh wave of tears - different ones, this time. 

You take a steadying breath, eyes unmoving from the injury. “Satoru-”

“No.” Satoru’s tone is firm, so different from the metallic tinkling of his belt. He was moving now, shifting in between your legs to kiss those tears away. “Need this. Need you. Need you need you need you so bad-”

“But your…” you trail off. The words catch in your throat as he finally unbuckles his belt, pulling down his pants just enough that his throbbing cock springs out, hitting his sculpted abdomen. Red, and so so angry, soaked in precum. 

He was so…massive. Now, you expected your best friend to have a big dick, but this was ridiculous. He was so intimidatingly long, thick enough that you could feel the slick beading out of your sloppy hole already.

Yeah, you definitely weren’t making it out alive. 

Satoru sees it too, of course, because his cock twitches furiously. A low hiss leaving those pretty pink lips before he’s spitting on your quivering cunt. Once. Twice. 

And you know that if this shameless bastard could use six eyes to find your g-spot, then he could’ve done the same for this. But, no, he lets some of it miss, splattering against your inner thigh, smearing all over as Satoru thumbs in his saliva with your slick. 

God, he was treating you like some object. Wordlessly throwing your legs over his shoulders, dragging his weeping tip down your swollen folds. So fucking filthy. 

And then you feel like you’re been split apart - because Gojo Satoru was unforgiving. As was his aching cock. He’s barely even pressing through the first ring of muscle, and you already feel like he’s pushing all the way into your lungs. 

“T-Toru.” you yelp, glancing down at the way your pussy was stretched so lewdly around his thick cock. Quivering as he keeps pushing and pushing and- no mercy. Absolutely none at all. “Can feel you so deep inside ngh- I don’t think I can…” 

“No no no no no-” he’s panting into your open mouth. Fucking into your heavenly cunt in mindless, shallow little thrusts just to squeeze deeper inside. “Need this. Want this. Always did. God, fuck fuck fuck, you can do it-”

“But-”

God, Satoru can’t help but kiss you - to shut those cute lil’ whines up more than anything, he’s sure he’ll cum right there and right now if he didn’t. 

Because Satoru wasn’t any better. Body bowing into yours, eyes rolling to the back of his head, mouth falling into a delirious oh! as he finally bottoms out. Balls smacking your ass too hard, your pussy too tight, you too beautiful underneath him. 

Blindly, he reaches for the headboard - white-knuckling it so hard that it’s a wonder it doesn’t break. 

It does - and later you’ll find a pile of splinters behind the bed. It’s just that neither of you notice. Too high off the feeling of Satoru’s cock pushing inside you. You’re clawing at his back now, gasping for air. Letting him fold you in half to filthily lick away the tears pooling at your cheeks. 

“Shit- y’got this, my love. You gotta- ah- Breathe-” he can’t even speak properly, sharp tongue so heavy. Eyes glowing with such insanity as he rocks his hips harder into yours.

He was right - you needed to breathe. To finally wrap your head around the fact that this was Satoru - your best friend - the same one that binge-watches sappy rom-coms with you after every breakup. Every. Single. One. Somehow, you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Both of you were barely-lucid at this point. And he was out of control now.

Funny, how in all his dreams when you were screaming his name - Satoru was always suave, methodical, playing with your pretty pussy like a fine instrument. Right now, he was anything but. Sloppy - like he didn’t have enough time, never would, even in this room where time slowed.

“Don’t you run away.” he grunts at the way you’re so adorably torn between running away from his cock and bucking for more more more- “Waited twelve fucking years for this. N’ m’gonna take it.”

You almost sob at the pressure as he laces his fingers on top of your head to slide you impossibly deeper. Down, down, down. “S’too good, Toru. Wan’ more-”

“More.” Satoru breathes, more to himself than anything. Eyes widening almost comically, a fucked-out smile spreading all over his face. “Y’want more even when you’re filled to-” He traces an invisible line halfway down your tummy. “Here?”

“Yes.” you gasp as he reaches down to toy with your throbbing clit, drawing tight, frenzied little circles. Balls smacking your ass so painfully, thumb pressing down right where his tip was hitting your cervix - as if he used six eyes to see. “Always wanted more. Always have, Toru.”

And you swear you could see something physically snap inside Satoru. Because his eyes glaze over, grin dropping instantly from his face. 

If you weren’t so cockdrunk maybe you’d have caught the way the bedroom lights flicker, the one down the hallway bursting. 

“Always, huh?” he’s muttering, grip on your body tightening like a vice. “Wanted more like me?” Rocking into you so sloppily, cock twitching so painfully as he speeds up. Fingers just as desperate - as depraved as his hips.

And this time, he doesn’t even have to use six eyes to find that one spot. Knowing your body well enough to hit it over and over until you were sobbing. “More more more more- fuckin’ take it then.”

At this point you didn’t know whether Satoru was always this ruthless in bed or you’d just broken him. It felt so good that it was almost scary. And your delirious mind wandered into the thought that maybe the bed would break - and your bones to follow. 

Well, they would have if Satoru hadn’t been using reversed cursed technique. But you didn’t need to know that just yet. 

“Satoru-” you squeal as he only gets more erratic.  “I’m…”

“Close?” Satoru’s grunting, smacking his lips against your own.

It’s laughable, really, that muffled question - because Satoru knew you were close. Losing his fucking mind, actually, at how you were squeezing so hard around him. Balls squeezing so painfully right now, but he wanted you to cum first - needed you to cum first.

“Yeah, so close. Wan’ cum- Ah! Please-”

“Then cum. Fucking cum, wan’ed this so bad.” he’s babbling deliriously. Little sparks of lightning visible even to your glassy eyes, fingers humming with a dangerous little energy that stimulated you so good. “Yeah, yeah yeah yeah fucking cum, wanna hngh-”

And then you are. So sudden and hard that you don’t even realize it at first. Just that you’re seeing stars behind your eyes, blood roaring in your ears. Rocking your hips into Satoru’s like such a slut. 

Oh, if heaven was really then the part of Satoru that can still form coherent thoughts thinks this just might be it. 

Because only the sight of you creaming all around his swollen cock and he’s cumming and cumming so hard that it hurts. Thick, hot ropes of cum that he can’t seem to stop. Doesn’t want to stop, and God he thinks he could cum until you beg and beg and beg it’s too much. Until you’re yelling for-

“Mercy!” you moan, head spinning with how fucking overfilled your pussy was. “Please, Toru-”

Satoru lets out a slight gasp, “Mercy?” Chuckling so cruelly at your dazed nod, “No mercy, my love. None at all.”

And God, it was so fucking hard to look at him too - eyes half-lidded and miles away, flushed and looking like he was anywhere but laid out on a hospital bed just a few minutes ago. In fact, Satoru looked like he was in heaven on Earth as he only milked his painfully hard cock on your snug pussy.

Pretty. Always so fucking pretty. 

And he kept whispering that, over and over in your ear as you both ride out your highs. Oh how he loved you.

Your eyes fly open, and Satoru knew he’d said that out loud. Shit. But, well, with the way you were immediately pulling him to collapse into your arms, he thinks he really doesn’t mind.

“Love you, love you. Love you so much. Always did, always wanted to love you- to fuck you.” You barely even notice him marking down your neck, sharp canines digging into the flesh like he wanted to break something. Hard enough that you distinctly wondered whether he was out for blood. “To ruin you.”

It was oozing out of you, both Satoru’s cum - dribbling down your legs in thick globs, pooling on the overpriced sheets below - and his power. Jolts of electricity running down all the way from your poor, abused cunt to your hazy mind. 

“So do it.” The air was crackling - crackling with intensity and the smell of jujutsu. It was in your veins, in your words as you whisper, “Ruin me. You’re the- ngh- only- one f’me, Toru. Always was.”

The lights go out. All of them - all across Tokyo, in fact. Shining so bright that it was blinding, until they burst. The last thing you see are his eyes - electrified with blue lightning, burning into your brain. 

And then it’s black. 

---

“I’ll be back before ya know it, my love.” he whispers against your forehead, cooing at the way you stir sleepily. “Gotta pest to take care of.”

Taking down that curtain wasn’t the hard part, the hard part was actually fucking regaining his senses enough to do so. 

And now, all cleaned up and fucked to sleep on his bed, you were looking so unbearably delectable that it made some part of Satoru just want to stay behind this curtain. To forget the waiting sorcerers on the battlefield. Saving the world be damned.

Well, no matter, Satoru had time. He was the strongest, right? After all, how could he give you the world if there was no world to give?

“N’ when I’m back, m’gonna kiss ya to death till you go out with me. Till everyone knows you’re unmistakably mine.”

A/N. GET IT - that unmistakable bit from the panel? 

Plagiarism not authorized.

[immushymellow]

Guess who somehow achieved cutting their thumb on the very dull shower handle(difficulty impossible)

[jackofacetrades]

Why would you expose me like that?

I didn't believed that for very long, but I remember being a bit baffled. I then proceeded to stay in front of the oven to look at it while it was on and concluded there indeed was no mixing process involved. I then thought this was brilliant, because it enabled my brother to have pizza without cheese while we still could enjoy it on our parts of it, while still only making one pizza. Clearly, the people who'd make the oven had made a great decision in making the mixing process optionnal.

It was maybe a few weeks later I realised I had been the one mixing stuff up before putting the cake apparel in the oven, and the oven was absolutely not involved in the mixing part of bakery. I felt both elated to have understood this, and a bit stupid I had thought this in the first place.

At approx the same time, I was also deeply invested for maybe a week to understand how a toaster was working, before taking things in my own hands and getting up on the stool next to the toaster to look inside it to understand its inner workings. I experimented on pushing buttons and observing what they'd do. In just a few minutes, I had understood everything about how a toaster worked and felt super proud of myself. No one ever knew I did that.

I already was deeply invested in experimenting and understanding by myself as a kid ^^

when I was a kid I thought the weather guy on TV controlled the weather and he was just telling us what he was gonna do for the next few days. when he said "30% chance of rain Thursday" I thought he was just guessing how likely it was he'd wake up in a rain mood that morning

[elprupneerg]

i should get a member's reward card thing for body parts that hurt. punch the card for each body part that decides to tell me to fuck myself, and once i fill the card i get a day with zero pain