#my favorite part of streams is everyone going "CAPTAIN:

[2manyflannels]

jorge rivera herrans i am in your walls what do you mean "bye bye" i obhvauo fgjnab'o YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME CAPTAIN CAPTAIN COME BACK PLEASE

[theostrophywife]

stop the world i wanna get off with you.

pairing: theodore nott x reader. song inspiration: stop the world i wanna get off with you by arctic monkeys. author’s note: the theo brain rot is so real for me besties. i kid you not i listened to the song on repeat while writing this because my mans is arctic monkeys coded. plus, it was only a matter of time before we saw some smutty action from my favorite slutherin 😏 part one: baby won't you be my girl?

You were not a morning person. 

Theo knew that. Hell, everyone in Slytherin knew that. Waking you up before noon on the weekend was a one way ticket to a world of pain. For some reason, your boyfriend was determined to make the top of your hit list this morning. 

You groaned as Theo shifted beneath you, rousing you from sleep. He stroked your hair gently and pressed a kiss on your temple. “I have to go to practice, amorina.” 

Sunlight streamed in through the skylight above Theo’s dorm, reflecting the rippling waves of the Black Lake across your boyfriend’s goose down comforter. You buried your head in the crook of his neck. 

“Five more minutes,” you mumbled against his throat, relishing in his warmth. “Please, Teddy.”

A low chuckle rumbled through his chest. “You said that five minutes ago, sweetheart. Do you want your sweet and sexy boyfriend to be maimed by his captain?”

“If Malfoy so much as touches a hair on your head, I’ll turn him into a ferret again and set him loose in the Forbidden Forest.” You snuggled closer and twined your legs together. “Let’s see how threatening he can be against Aragog.”

“Sometimes you genuinely scare me, Y/N.” He wrapped his arms around your waist. “But apparently, fear is a very effective aphrodisiac for me. I’m learning a lot of new things about myself.”

“I can threaten you some more if you want,” you murmured sleepily. “As long as you stay in bed with me, Teddy.”

Theo groaned as you kissed his neck. “You’re absolutely cruel, you know that?” He tilted your chin up, pressing his lips against yours. You sighed dreamily into the kiss, morning breath and all. 

Even though you’ve only been officially dating for three months, it felt like you and Theo had been together for a lifetime. You were already inseparable before, but after his confession at the quidditch game after party, you spent nearly every waking moment together. Hence waking up in his bed. 

Theo placed a final kiss on the tip of your nose. “Now I really have to go.” You sighed in defeat, pouting like a petulant child. Your boyfriend laughed. “I’ll see you in the stands, babe.”

“Fine,” you mumbled grumpily. 

You watched as Theo hastily threw on his quidditch uniform, admiring the view of his sunkissed skin and toned chest and abs. Thank Merlin for quidditch. 

The cheeky tosser winked before heading for the pitch. You turned over in bed, burying yourself in Theo’s scent as you drifted back to sleep. 

Several hours later, you finally managed to get dressed and dragged yourself to the Great Hall for a late lunch. When you got to your usual table, you found the boys and Pansy waiting for you. Draco and Mattheo were talking in hushed tones, no doubt discussing their strategy to destroy the Ravenclaws while Enzo scarfed down a plate of steak and eggs like his life depended on it. Pansy watched in disgust, wrinkling her nose at your friend. 

“For Salazar’s sake, Lorenzo. You’re going to choke to death and I refuse to resuscitate you.”

“Don’t worry, Enzo,” you said as you slid in next to him. “I’m sure we can find a volunteer to perform mouth to mouth on you.”

As if on cue, a gaggle of fourth years giggled at the end of the table. Enzo didn’t seem to notice. Beside him, Blaise met your eye and shook his head. The two of you often joked that Draco took all the arrogance in their family’s gene pool, leaving poor Enzo hopelessly oblivious. The fact that sweet Lorenzo was related to someone as arrogant as Malfoy never failed to completely baffle the mind. 

“Well don’t you look adorable, Y/N?” Draco drawled. “All decked out in your boyfriend’s jersey.”

You looked down at the emerald and silver jersey with the number 6 embroidered on the front, which was so big on you that the hem hit your knees. Matching streaks of your house colors adorned your cheeks and you had pulled your hair back with a pair of charmed serpent clips that writhed through your pigtails every so often.

“And up before mid afternoon, no less,” Mattheo commented. 

You frowned, flicking him off before reaching for a sandwich. “Speaking of my boyfriend. Where is the little rascal?”

“Last I checked he was still on the pitch,” Draco said as you stuffed a few chips into your mouth. “Practicing to show off in front of you, I imagine.”

“I’ve seen him play before.” 

Mattheo stole a chip from your plate. “Yes, but not as his girlfriend.”

You smacked his hand away and he gasped dramatically. Mattheo fetched something out of his robes and set it down in front of you. The small glass vial shimmered in the light. 

“Your boyfriend wanted me to give you this.” 

A motion sickness draught. Theo knew how queasy and nauseous you got during his quidditch games, so he’d concocted your own special cure for it. Hot and smart. Gods, you were lucky.

You flushed, pocketing the potion. “Thanks.”

“You idiots better win,” Pansy said. “Or else all my hard work for tonight’s after party will go to waste.”

Draco scoffed. “You mean our hard work?” He turned over to you, frowning. “Pans over here had us working harder than a house elf. I’ve got glitter in places glitter should never be.”

“Fitting for someone who thinks the sun shines out of his arse. Maybe it’ll finally teach you some humility, Malfoy.”

Mattheo draped an arm around your shoulder. “You know why our sweet little Pansy’s got her wand in a twist though, right?” He leaned in conspiratorially. “She finally plucked up the courage to invite a certain Ravenclaw to the after party.”

You squealed in delight. “Is that true, Pans? Did you finally ask Luna out?”

Pansy glared at you, practically hissing as she grabbed your elbow. “Say that a little louder, why don’t you? I don’t think they heard you across the room.” 

You snorted. Your best friend has always been a little tightly wound, but Pansy Parkinson with a crush was a whole different animagus. 

“Well, I, for one, am excited for this development in your love life,” you exclaimed, squeezing her shoulder. “It’s about time you did something about this little crush.”

“Says the witch who took twelve years to admit her feelings,” Pansy said with an affectionate eye roll. “Sorry love, but I’m not taking advice from you.”

“I’m choosing to attribute that to first date jitters and not a blatant insult against your best and most loyal friend.” You picked at your sandwich, waving a pickle in the air excitedly. “Don’t be nervous, Pans. She’s going to love you.” 

The encouragement was met with an elbow to your ribs. You paused mid-chew, ready to give Pansy a peace of your mind when a soft voice interrupted you. 

“Hi, guys,” greeted Luna Lovegood. She wore a striped blue and bronze sweater, representing the colors of her house. Strapped to her back was a set of feathered eagle wings that nearly dragged to the floor. “I love your snake clips, Y/N. It’s always great to see displays of house spirit. Beware of the nargles, though. They do love shiny things.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for them, Luna.” You said with a smile. “I’m looking forward to your commentary tonight. It’s going to be a heated match between our houses, but one thing’s for certain. The after party will be absolutely mental no matter who wins. Isn’t that right, Pans?” 

Pansy nodded, the action making her sleek bob graze her sharp cheekbones. You always thought that your friend possessed an austere sort of beauty, but everything about her seemed to soften as she turned her attention on Luna. 

“We can still count on you to make it tonight, right Lovegood?” There was a hint of playfulness in Pansy’s tone that you rarely heard her use. You couldn’t help but smirk. Pansy Parkinson fancied the absolute pants out of Luna Lovegood.

Luna smiled shyly, hiding beneath a strand of platinum blonde hair. “Thank you for the invitation, Pansy. I look forward to seeing everyone tonight.” 

“See you tonight, Luna.”

Luna gave your table a friendly wave before returning to her own fellow Ravenclaws. You waited until she was out of ear shot before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“See you tonight Luna,” you repeated, putting on your best impression of Pansy’s husky voice. “Pansy Parkinson’s totally going to snog Luna Lovegood tonight!” 

“Oh, shut up,” replied Pansy. She tried her best to look annoyed, but the small smile on her face made it rather unconvincing. 

After teasing your friend for at least another hour, the two of you finally headed down to the quidditch pitch. The boys left long ago, presumably to warm up before the big game. You followed Pansy into the stands, cringing slightly at how high up the seats were. 

Across the pitch, the feedback from Luna’s sonoroused voice rumbled through the crowd. “Welcome fellow students. Join me in kicking off this long awaited match between Slytherin and Ravenclaw, the house of yours truly. As always, the goal is to provide live updates and unbiased commentary throughout the game, but I make no promises. Even a Corkendoodle wouldn’t be able to resist showing a little partiality. Now without further ado, let the games begin!”

The crowd roared as players from each side soared through the air at breakneck speed. You gripped the railing, thankful for Theo’s concoction as you squinted at the blur of players. As always, Madam Hooch kicked off the game by releasing a set of bludgers and the elusive golden snitch. With bated breath, you watched as she threw the quaffle into the air which marked the official start of the match. 

A familiar figure zoomed past you, emerald robes streaming behind him as he caught the quaffle and cradled it under his arm. Theo circled through the air, easily outmaneuvering the chasers from the opposing team. He flew straight for a blonde Ravenclaw, making the poor fifth year think that they were going to collide before he swerved at the last second and looped around the frightened player. 

“And that’s Nott of Slytherin with an excellent fake out,” Luna announced in her dreamy voice. “Oddly enough, this chaser is heading in the opposite direction of the goalposts. Another clever tactic, I presume.”

Theo brought his broom to a stop directly in front of you, hovering in mid-air while he cradled the quaffle underneath one arm. He immediately broke out into a grin when he saw you wearing his jersey. 

“In a turn of events, Nott visits the Slytherin stands for a little chat with his friends,” commented Luna. “Actually, that’s his lovely girlfriend Y/N. I did warn her about attracting the Nargles, but nevertheless those serpent clips are a work of art. Oh look, there’s Pansy Parkinson! I know she looks a bit intimidating at first, but she’s really quite nice.” 

Beside you, Pansy turned as red as a tomato. You stifled a giggle just as Theo pulled close, his watercolor eyes crinkling with amusement. 

“My jersey looks good on you, Y/N.” Theo drawled, taking the time to flirt despite the fact that he was currently in the middle of a game. He leaned in and whispered low so only you could hear, “But I bet it would look even better on my floor.”

“Win this match and you might get your wish, babe.”

A smirk curved against his lips. “You evil little temptress. I hope you know that I’m holding you to that,” he inched closer, his gaze dropping to your mouth. “Do I at least get a kiss from my good luck charm?”

You shook your head in disbelief. “Aren’t you supposed to be doing something right now? Like, I don't know, playing the bloody quidditch game!”

He shrugged, winking at you in that cheeky way of his. “I’m perfectly capable of multitasking.” 

Just then, a bludger whizzed past the stands, but Theo was entirely unbothered as he flipped over on his broom to avoid the hit. Your boyfriend hung upside down, keeping his eyes on you the entire time. “Now about that kiss, dolcezza.”

“That’s quite a creative way to avoid a bludger,” Luna continued. “I once hung upside down in a tree in search of moon frogs and it wasn’t the most comfortable position, but not the most uncomfortable either. Oh! It looks like things are heating up for this lovely couple.”

“You’re an absolute menace, Theodore,” you said with an exasperated sigh before pulling him by the collar and kissing him. The logistics were complicated by the fact that he was currently airborne, but Theo smiled against your lips all the same. 

“A good luck kiss,” Luna said with delight. “Those two are absolutely adorable, aren’t they? Ah, young love.”

Satisfied, Theo flipped right side up and palmed the quaffle in his hand. “You hear that, babe? We’re absolutely adorable.”

You rolled your eyes affectionately. “Yeah, yeah. Now go out there and kick some Ravenclaw arse!”

Thanks to Teddy’s potion, you actually managed to keep your eyes open for the entirety of the game. It was a heated match with both teams playing with equal ferocity, but the boys had the upper hand. They moved as one, predicting each other’s moves from years and years of practice. Even the newest additions, Violet and Tracey, seemed to fit seamlessly into the group. 

By the time you reached the tail end of the game, your throat felt raw from cheering and screaming. Pansy was in a worse state, hurling insults when one of the Ravenclaw beaters attempted to grab the tail end of Blaise’s broom. 

“That was obviously a bloody fucking foul!” Pansy screamed. 

“Some colorful words from the Slytherin stands,” Luna said with a little smile, making Pansy blush. “Madam Hooch seems to agree. Robinson has been fouled for blagging Zabini.”

You gripped the end of the railing as Theo zoomed past. The score was tied, but if he made this goal it would put Slytherin up by ten points, effectively winning not only the game but also the Quidditch Cup.

“You got this, babe,” you yelled. “No mercy, Teddy!”

Theo met your gaze and smirked. Vicious woman, he mouthed before careening straight for the goalpost. 

The Ravenclaw keeper looked panicked as Theo dodged the other players and reeled the quaffle back. The shot was perfect, whizzing past the post so fast that the keeper didn’t even have time to react. 

“Nott with the winning shot!” Luna announced cheerily. “That’s game, everyone. Congratulations to this year’s Quidditch Cup winner: Slytherin House!”

The cheers that erupted from your housemates followed you all the way to the common room. In true Pansy fashion, the large space had been meticulously decorated with banners and streamers. The music blared and the liquor flowed, marking the start of a night of mischief and revelry. 

While waiting for the boys to finish showering, you helped Pansy play hostess. You greeted friends from other houses, filling their cups with your signature concoction. A fruity drink that masked the taste of liquor so well that the drinker didn’t realize they were pissed until it was too late. 

“Congratulations on the win,” said a familiar voice. You turned around and saw Murdock raising his green cup in a toast. 

You smiled, clinking your plastic cup against his. “Thanks Christoph. Good to see you here,” you lowered your voice, darting your head around the corner. “So things are going well with Daphne?”

Christoph smiled shyly. “Yeah, thanks for introducing us by the way. We’re going on our first date to the Three Broomsticks tomorrow.” 

After his last disastrous attendance at a Slytherin party, you figured it was the least you could do for your Hufflepuff friend. “Don’t mention it, Christoph. What are friends for? Besides, it’s obvious that you two would be absolutely perfect together.” 

“Who’s absolutely perfect together?” A familiar voice drawled. You felt an arm wrap protectively around you. “Besides us, of course.” 

Even before you were dating, Theo had a tendency to be overprotective towards you. Most of the time he was pretty good at controlling it, but sometimes his jealousy got the best of him. It would’ve annoyed you if it wasn’t so damn attractive. 

“Hey babe,” you said with a little smile, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “I was just telling Christoph here that he should offer Daphne a drink. They’d make a cute couple, don’t you think?”

Realization flooded Theo’s features, followed by a hint of embarrassment. “Definitely,” he said with a rueful smile. “Take it from me, mate. Don’t wait too long before chasing after the girl of your dreams.”

Christoph nodded, looking determined. “Thanks, mate.”

You handed your friend another cup and pointed him in Daphne’s direction. Beside you, Theo smiled sheepishly. His hair was slightly wet from the shower and he smelled like sea salt spray and smoke. The cozy knitted sweater he had thrown on brought out his watercolor eyes. 

“Nice save, babe.” 

“What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic,” Theo said, placing his hands on your waist. “You bring it out of me, cara mia.”

You rolled your eyes fondly. “You know, I’d be mad if jealous Theo wasn’t so hot.” Theo grinned as you placed your arms around his neck. “But scoring that winning goal? That was downright sexy.”

Your boyfriend toyed with the hem of your shirt. “Oh yeah? Well, I had some motivation, thanks to our little bargain.” His hands slipped underneath your shirt, tracing teasing circles on your hips. “I delivered on my end. Now it’s time for you to pay up, love.” 

“Good things come to those who wait, Theo.” 

Theo pouted. “Fine, but only because I know you’re worth it.”

You pulled Theo in by the belt loop and kissed him, long and hard. He lifted you up and groaned as you tugged at his curls. Theo sighed into your mouth as you took control, showing him exactly how much you wanted him. You topped the kiss off by gently biting on his bottom lip. When you pulled away, Theo looked dazed. 

“Fuck,” he said in a low, dark voice. 

“A little preview,” you said with a smirk. “Just so you don’t think I’m completely heartless.”

“So my dorm or yours?”

You chuckled. “Theo, you haven’t even made your rounds. This party is to celebrate your win, you know.”

“Fuck the party,” he said dismissively. “You think I care about talking to all of these people after that? What do you want, love? Do you want me to beg? Get on my knees for you? I’ll do anything, princess.”

Salazar fucking save you. 

You would’ve taken Theo up on the offer, but this was his moment. He deserved to be celebrated. Besides, he’d be all yours by the end of the night. 

“As much as I love the visual,” you said, pecking him on the cheek. “I want you to celebrate with the team. You lot deserve it after working so hard all year.” You lowered your voice, whispering in his ear. “After that, we can go up to your dorm and I’ll give you your reward. Think you can do that, babe?”

“Yes ma’am,” Theo replied. “God you’re fucking sexy when you’re bossing me around.” 

You smirked. “Good boy.” 

Theo groaned before slipping his hand into yours. “Now come on, before I change my mind and claim my reward right here, right now.”

The two of you made rounds through the party, stopping here and there to talk to your respective friends. Most of the time, you were by Theo’s side watching in admiration as everyone congratulated him on the winning goal. 

Even in deep conversation, Theo never stopped touching you. Whether it was the soothing rub of his thumb across your knuckles or his arm draped protectively around your waist, it was obvious that physical touch was your boyfriend’s love language. 

You couldn’t help but smile at how easy it came to him, like touching you was as natural as breathing air.  

“What’s that smile for, love?”

“I just really fucking fancy you.”

Merlin’s bloody beard. The smile on Theo’s face completely took your breath away. His eyes, which you often joked gave him resting witch face, lit up brighter than the sun. 

“I really fucking fancy you too, darling.”

Finally, the two of you reached your friends on the other side of the common room. Blaise and Enzo were engaged in a competitive game of beer pong against Mattheo and Draco. 

“The man of the hour,” Malfoy announced, clapping Theo on the back. “You fucking killed it out there, mate.” He turned back to the other boys. “We all did.”

“This calls for a celebratory shot!” you announced. “Wait, where’s Pans?”

Mattheo smirked. “Chatting up our commentator. Looks like our little Pansy’s all grown up.”

Across the room, you shot Pansy a wink as she and Luna sat rather close together, huddled on the couch and giggling every so often. You rallied the boys, raising your cups in a cheer. Pansy affectionately flipped you the bird as all six of you hooted and hollered, but she downed the liquor nonetheless. 

The firewhisky must have been a fast acting agent of liquid courage because not even a second after she set her cup down, Pansy was kissing Luna. You squealed in delight while the rest of the group drunkenly cheered. 

This night just kept getting better and better. 

“Another one of our finest lost to young love,” Draco announced dramatically. 

You rolled your eyes. “You could be too if you stopped being a coward and finally asked Hermione out.” 

Malfoy nearly spat out his drink. “Granger? You think I fancy Granger? Little miss know it all, member of the Golden Trio, poster child Gryffindor Granger? Are you taking the piss, Y/N?”

“Oh please,” Mattheo said with a scoff. “We all see the way you look at her in the Great Hall. You don’t just fancy Granger. You’re absolutely smitten, mate.”

Enzo nodded empathetically. “Mattheo’s right, cousin. You should just ask Hermione out on a date.”

“Have you lot forgotten that the madwoman once punched me in the face?” 

“I think she’d be good for you,” you said. “Set you straight.” 

“Set me straight?” Draco repeated. “I don’t need anyone to set me straight. Especially not Granger. I mean, the witch is insufferable with her stupid curly hair and stupid big brown eyes and stupid flawless skin.” 

Blaise sighed. “No offense, mate, but you’re even thicker than Enzo when it comes to girls.”

Enzo protested in response, but Draco was too busy having a meltdown to notice. His pale complexion blossomed with red as his mouth gaped open. “Do I like Granger?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Obviously, you blubbering idiot.” 

Draco glared at you, then at Theo. “Nott, please get your girlfriend away from me before I have a full on fit.”

Theo only laughed, pulling you closer. “Gladly. We were heading out anyway.” 

You hugged your friends goodbye. Draco was still frowning at his drink when you and Theo finally headed out of the common room. 

“Think about it, ferret boy,” you hollered from the door. “Granger’s a catch! We could use more female presence in this absolute sausage party of a friend group.” 

With that, Theo hauled you over his shoulder. You squealed, pinching his bum as he carried you out of the common room. “Alright, love. That’s enough of that.” 

When you finally reached Theo’s dorm, the two of you fell over in absolute hysterics. You plopped down on his bed, spreading like an obnoxious starfish. Theo followed after, diving on top of you. 

“I think you gave Malfoy an identity crisis,” he said, laughing into your hair. 

You shrugged, rolling over so that you were on top of him. “He deserved it.” 

Theo toyed with the hem of your shirt, tracing circles on your hips. “And what about what I deserve?” 

“It’s coming, babe,” you said with a sly smile. “And pretty soon you will be too.”

“Don’t tease, cara mia.”

“I never tease,” you purred. “I only promise.”

With a satisfied smirk, you pressed your lips against his. Theo groaned into your mouth as you straddled his lap, deepening the kiss. Large hands roamed underneath your shirt, his palms rough and calloused from hours and hours of playing quidditch.

A sinfully delicious moan slipped past Theo’s lips as you trailed kisses along his jaw, throat, and neck. You sucked on his flesh, hard enough to leave marks. You liked knowing that every time he changed, little reminders of you littered his skin.

“Bloody fucking hell,” Theo muttered.

“You’ve got a filthy mouth, Theo,” you teased. “I bet I could shut you up though.”

Your boyfriend groaned like he was in pain. “Please do.”

You winked before disappearing underneath the covers. Theo’s eyes fluttered close as you continued kissing down his chest, taking the time to trace your name on his abs with your tongue, which seemed to be a real crowd pleaser. You stripped off his trousers, kissing his perfectly defined v line before licking a teasing stripe along the underside of his cock.

“Figlio di puttana,” Theo cursed, low and rough. Your knees nearly buckled. There was truly nothing hotter than your boyfriend swearing in Italian. “Don’t stop, Y/N.”

“What was that you said about delivering on my promise?” you asked innocently, looking up at him through your lashes. “Because it feels like I’m giving you the winner treatment right now, doesn’t it baby?”

A choked moan was your only response as you took him into your mouth. You gagged as he hit the back of your throat, bobbing your head up and down in a steady rhythm. Theo fisted your hair in his hands, watching through heavy lids as you sucked your cheeks in. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he groaned, stroking your cheek. “But I’m willing to die a happy man.”

You chuckled, sending vibrations to his sensitive head. Theo twitched against your cheek as you gripped his shaft, moving along with your mouth. He continued to curse colorfully while you wrapped your lips around him. You felt him tense underneath you, signaling that he was close. 

Theo tugged lightly at your scalp. “I don’t want to cum yet,” he said huskily. “Not until I’m inside of you.” 

Merlin bless your boyfriend and his filthy fucking mouth. Theo flipped you over, his body pinning you to the mattress as he kissed you roughly. You gasped against his mouth, giving him the perfect opportunity to slide his tongue in. Heat pooled in your core and flooded your body with desire. 

“Theo,” you mumbled, tugging at his shirt. “I need you. Now.” 

He ripped off his shirt, grinning. “Then have me, darling.” 

“I want to be on top.” 

You squealed as Theo rolled over, placing you on his lap. He gripped your hips and gently rolled against you. “I’m not about to argue with that.”

With a smirk, you toyed with the hem of your shirt. Theo grabbed your wrist and shook his head. “Keep it on. I want to watch you ride me while wearing my jersey.”

“Have I ever told you how much I love your filthy mouth?” 

Theo grinned before latching his lips on your breast. He looked up at you and swirled his tongue around your nipple through the fabric. “It’s not ringing a bell. Shall I try the other side?” 

“Gods, yes.” 

He gave your other nipple equal attention as you lined his cock up at your entrance. Precum coated his tip, mixing with your own slick as you slowly lowered onto his length. Theo’s teeth sank into your collarbone, muffling his moan. 

“Fuck me,” he exhaled in a shaky breath. 

“I am, baby.”

Theo chuckled darkly. “Smartass.”

You rolled your hips as he gripped your ass, helping you lift and lower at a faster pace. Theo’s mouth collided with yours, his hands roaming underneath your shirt and exploring every inch of you like he was trying to commit your body to memory. 

The intensity of his gaze pierced you with lust and desire. He lifted the hem of his jersey, watching as his cock disappeared between your folds. 

“I love watching you take all of me, pretty girl.” Theo was ravenous, littering your neck and shoulder with love bites. “You ride me so fucking well. Maybe it should be you out there on the broom.” 

“The only broom I’m interested in is yours,” you quipped back. “Besides, you don’t want everyone else knowing my tricks, do you?”

“Fuck no,” Theo whispered roughly as he switched positions. He pressed you against the mattress, hooking your legs on his shoulder before smirking. “This is for my eyes only. You’re mine, amorina.” 

“Yours,” you breathed as he thrust into you. The angle allowed him to slide in even deeper, hitting all the right spots as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. 

“That’s my good girl,” Theo declared proudly. “Now fucking take it.”

The pleasure hits you in waves. The sounds that you were both making were absolutely filthy, and you were glad that music was playing in the common room below otherwise the whole of Slytherin house would’ve heard you screaming Theo’s name. 

“You getting close, baby?” Theo grunted as you fluttered around him. You whimpered in response, raking your nails along his back. “I’ll take that as a yes. I want you to cum with me. Can you do that, pretty girl?”

You nodded as Theo’s slender fingers rubbed against your clit, pushing you over the edge. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer, cursing as the orgasm hit you both. 

Theo kissed you, swallowing your moans of pleasure as euphoria washed over you. He rode it out, hips stuttering as he finished. The two of you laid in the dark, bodies twined together while your heartbeats synced. 

“Holy fuck,” you said in disbelief. 

Theo chuckled. “That did feel a bit sacrilegious.” 

He rolled over and grabbed his wand, casting a quick scouring charm over the both of you. Thank Merlin for magic.

You rolled over, propping your chin up with one hand. “You want to smoke a cigarette, don’t you?”

Your boyfriend shook his head. “Actually, I was thinking about quitting.” 

Now this was news to you. “Oh? Has all my nagging finally paid off?” 

“Maybe,” he said, shrugging. “I’m just thinking ahead. I don’t want our kids picking up the habit.”

Your eyes widened. “Kids? As in, plural?”

Theo nodded emphatically. “Oh yeah, little Theo Jr. and his brother Mattheo don’t need to be exposed to my smoking.” 

You cocked your head in confusion. “Theo Jr.? Mattheo?”

“Don’t ask. I lost a bet.”

“You better be taking the piss, Teddy.”

He chuckled. “Mostly. I am quitting smoking and I am looking forward to a future with you, our hypothetical children’s names to be further discussed.” 

“You absolute menace of a man,” you said, cuddling him with a wide grin. “I fucking adore you, do you know that?”

“I am stupidly in love with you.” 

You giggled as Theo peppered kisses on your face. “Malfoy’s right. We’re truly revolting.”

“Oh, absolutely vile.” 

Theo tucked you into the crook of his neck and kissed the top of your head. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” you mumbled sleepily. “I love you, Teddy.”

He pulled you close and smiled. “I love you too, Y/N.”

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[persevereforahappyending]

No Man's Land |9|

Pairing: Sam Carpenter x Reader

Summary: Sam can’t help but be drawn to the cute stranger from her gym, even if everything about them makes them the perfect suspect, just when Ghostface has returned.

Warnings: Fighting, Guns, Violence, Attempted Murder, Shooting

Word Count: 3.5k+

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

You and Sam walked back to Blackmore in a comfortable silence. You preferred the quiet and appreciated that she didn’t ask you questions or push you on anything. Sam had no reason to trust you, but she was taking a chance, and you were going to make sure to prove you were worthy of her trust. When you got to Blackmore you and Sam sat on one of the benches outside the building that held Tara’s class until she came out half an hour later. As soon as you had her, the three of you went back to the apartment.

When you got back to the apartment Tara flung her backpack into the corner and plopped herself down on the couch, kicking her feet up as she reached for the remote on the coffee table. She flicked on the TV and instantly began scrolling through one of the streaming apps.

You mindlessly watched at Tara continued to scroll until you felt her eyes on you. You glanced at her and waited to see what she would say. Mindy was the most suspicious of you, which was fair, though she seemed to be more of a conspiracy theorist than anything, Chad seemed almost too trusting of you, it was slightly concerning, and Tara seemed to be hesitant of you, like Sam was with everyone, though she wasn’t as paranoid Sam. The one thing different about Tara though was half her suspicion seemed to come from just being protective of her sister.

“Do you like movies?” Tara asked, squinting her eyes as she waited for your response.

You shrugged. “I’ve seen a few,” you said.

That seemed to make Tara only narrow her eyes even more. “What’s your favorite movie?” You opened your mouth to give her what would probably be an unsatisfactory answer once again. “Wait! Let me guess,” she turned so half her body was facing you. “Saving Private Ryan!” You opened your mouth, but she didn’t stop there. “No! Hacksaw Ridge!” You closed your mouth and waited; you knew she wasn’t done yet. “You have a dog you love,” she mumbled more to herself than you. “War Horse!” She clapped her hands, quite proud of herself for that one. “Wait!” She shot her hand out, grabbing you on your arm as if you were about to get up and leave. “The Patriot.”

You waited a second to see if she had any more, but she just looked at you with a raised eyebrow. You chuckled to yourself with a shake of your head. “All military related because I’m in the military?” You asked.

She shrugged. You playfully rolled your eyes. “Those are all great movies,” you started. You caught Sam out of the side of your eye, she was in the kitchen making a sandwich, but she tilted her head just slightly, indicating she was listening. “The superhero stuff is also good. I-”

“I bet you’re a Captain America person,” Tara cut you off. You rolled your eyes. “You give off the same vibes.”

You gave her a thankful nod. You had never been compared to Captain America before and you were truly honored, though you were inclined to disagree with her. “Cap is great,” you said. “And Steve Rogers is definitely much cooler than me.” Tara shrugged, seeming to agree with you on that. “But I’ve always been more of a Batman person.”

Tara looked at you and nodded her head. “That tracks.” You tilted your head in question, but she didn’t elaborate any further.

“But my default movie, the one I’m always cool to watch, The Mummy.”

“Where Brendan Frazier plays a soldier,” Tara nodded, clearly not surprised by the answer.

“Only in the beginning do the movie,” you defended. Seriously the movie started with him figuring in the desert but that was it when it came to military related things. Unless Tara was also counting the pilot they found to fly them back out there.

“So, you just really love mummies?” Tara raised an eyebrow.

“The Mummy is fantastic, it’s got everything, action, comedy, a supernatural element, and romance. There should be no explanation required.” You had never had to defend liking The Mummy before, you thought Sam’s sister was going to school for film, you figured she’d know this better than anyone. “Oh, and Rachel Weisz,” you added.

“All good points,” Sam said, coming back into the room. She handed you a bottle of water before taking her seat in the chair next to the couch. You gave her a thankful smile; you hadn’t even asked for a drink for her to just bring one to you.

“You too?” Tara shouted, whipping her head around so fast you were surprised she didn’t get whiplash.

Sam shrugged as she curled her feet up on the chair, tucking them under her before reaching for her sandwich on the coffee table. “Who doesn’t love Brendan Frazier and Rachel Weisz,” she said as if they explained everything.

Sam went on to eat her sandwich while Tara was looking at her sister in a whole new light, as if she was seeing her sister for the first time. You were still new and getting to know the sisters, but you were curious why Sam liking The Mummy would be so surprising. Tara just stared at her sister for several minutes before finally going back to scrolling for a movie, finally deciding to settle on The Mummy.

Not long after the movie ended did Chad walk in with a stack of three pizza’s, quickly followed by the others. “Dinner is served!” Chad said, holding up the pizza’s as he took them to the dining table.

“Thanks for picking them up,” Sam said as she got up to grab some paper plates.

Chad waved her off and flipped open all three boxes. Each pizza was different, there was a plain cheese, a pepperoni, and then a meat lovers. You and Tara got up to join the others around the table, everyone grabbed their slices and then went off to separate corners of the room. Quinn took the seat across the room, closest to the door, Mindy and Anika cuddled up next to each other on the floor, Ethan plopped himself down in the seat furthest from the door, and Tara dropped herself down in what was Sam’s seat because Chad stole her spot on the couch next to you.

Once Chad finished up his pizza, he wiped his hands off on a napkin and tossed it onto his dirty plate. He was still chewing the last bit of his food as he switched the channel on the TV and grabbed a PS4 controller. You wiped your own hands and put your trash on top of his, creating an organized little pile. You leaned back and watched the screen as Chad flipped through games.

“What are you playing?” you asked.

“Crash,” he said mindlessly.

“Racing or the original?”

Chad’s mouth opened and closed, gaping like a fish. He looked at you then back at the TV, only to do a double take and look back at you. It was like he couldn’t believe you were asking him about video games.

“R-Racing,” he said. “Want to join?” he reached over and grabbed the other controller and held it out to you.

You shrugged and took the controller from him. “Sure,” you said.

The two of you selected our characters and started the first race. You let Chad pick the track, you knew he’d need the edge anyway. The two of you raced around, doing your laps, you felt everyone’s eyes on you and the TV but you paid them no mind as you drove your way into first place. You were on the last lap when you dropped a TNT crate, only to hear Chad hit it a few seconds later. You quickly crossed the finish line, coming in first, then you leaned back and watched as Chad tried to fight his way back up the line, striving to just not come in last.

You repeated that with the same outcome another three races. Chad was hunched over, pressing the buttons hard as if that would make the cart go faster. You kept your eyes on the screen, never wavering as you completed lap after lap, coming in first every single time.

“You’re good at this,” Chad said. “How are you so good?”

“I play all the time when I’m home,” you said with a shrug.

“That’s why the only thing in your house is a game system,” Sam said.

You looked over at her and smiled. “Got my PS5 and my dog, what more could one possibly want?” Sam tilted her head, seeming to actually think about the question then nodded with a small shrug.

“One more,” Chad said, already flipping through the tracks again.

You rolled your eyes and got ready again as Chad finally selected the track. You were fully prepared to beat Chad on every track, using any character.

You got distracted when you noticed Sam staring down at her phone. You paused the game, ignoring Chad’s protests as you waited to see what was going on with Sam. “Everything okay?” you asked.

Sam looked up, meeting your eyes. “I don’t know,” she said. “Your dad is calling me,” she looked at Quinn.

Quinn furrowed her brow and leaned forward in the chair. “He’s probably just following up,” Quinn said with a shrug. “Or wanting to update you.”

Sam nodded but she didn’t seem too certain in Quinn’s guess. Whatever doubt she was having didn’t stop her from raising the phone to her ear. “Detective Bailey?” Sam spoke into the phone.

You couldn’t hear the other end of the line, but Sam’s furrowed brow deepened. “Yes, I know him,” she said. You look around the room, seeing Chad, Mindy, and Tara all looked just as confused. “Of course, I’m on my way.”

As soon as Sam hung up the phone she was moving and so were you and Tara. Sam didn’t even so much as look at any of you as she grabbed her keys. “Sam,” Tara said. “Sam, what’s going on?”

“Stay here,” is all Sam said.

“What happened?” you asked as you made your way over to the sisters.

Sam finally paused her movements and looked up at you, then at her sister. “That was detective Bailey.” You and Tara both nodded. “He said Doctor Stone is dead.”

“Who?” you asked. You glanced at Tara to see her furrow, her brow before her eyes widened.

“He’s my old therapist,” Sam dropped her eyes to the floor.

You furrowed her brow; you weren’t sure why Sam seemed ashamed of that. You went to a therapist; she didn’t know it was because you were ordered to, but she knew you saw one. She went with you to your appointment earlier, you couldn’t see why she would think you would judge her for seeing a therapist herself. You didn’t want to pressure her though; she didn’t owe you any answers.

“I need to go down to the station,” Sam said.

“Great, let’s go,” Tara said, gesturing for Sam to walk towards the door.

“No, no,” Sam spun around, holding her hand up to Tara. “You’re staying here.”

“No, we’re not splitting up,” Tara shook her head. “School was one thing, but this?” she pointed around her. “No. I’m going with you.”

Sam let out a tired sigh and ran a hand through her hair. “Fine.”

“Obviously I’m coming as well,” you said. Sam opened her mouth, probably to argue with you as well. “This is why you asked me here,” you whispered, looking her in the eye. You weren’t sure what it was but the idea of Sam and her sister going out there alone, at night, after Ghostface killed someone connected to Sam, it didn’t sit right with you.

“Okay,” Sam conceded, nodding. “The rest of you stay here,” she said loudly, looking at each and every one of them. Once they all nodded in agreement Sam finally made her way to the door.

You followed behind Sam and Tara, keeping close as they quickly ran down the steps and out the door without a second thought. You checked your surroundings as soon as you got outside, making sure to keep your head on the swivel.

“Why would Ghostface go after your old therapist?” Tara questioned. “I though you hadn’t seen that dude in months.”

“I haven’t,” Sam said. “It was only a couple sessions before I left him.”

“So, is he important?” you asked, inserting yourself into the conversation.

“No,” Sam shook her head. “As soon as he learned who I was…” she crossed her arms over her chest. “He wasn’t the right fit, we never even got into the details.”

You nodded, you could understand why she might not want to share that information. You didn’t care about why she was seeing a therapist or why she left this Doctor Stone, it was none of your business.  “Then whoever this is might not know you switched therapists.” You looked around, carefully watching the other people on the street as you passed them. “They might have gone after him, thinking he was your current one still.”

Sam furrowed her brow and then nodded. “The only one I mentioned my new therapist to was Tara,” she looked at her sister.

“And I haven’t told anyone,” Tara said.

You nodded. “Good, don’t tell anyone. Your therapist is safer if no one knows who they are.”

Sam and Tara both agreed and continued their walk down the street. It was only a few minutes later when Sam pulled out her phone, you saw over her shoulder that she was getting a call from some guy named Richie Kirsch.

“Why do you still have his number?” Tara asked, clearly recognizing whoever this was.

Sam looked at her sister guiltily. “I couldn’t bring myself to delete his number,” she admitted quietly. You furrowed your brow; you could only begin to guess who this guy was.

“What do you want asshole?” Sam asked as she answered the phone, her attitude quickly becoming aggressive.

You couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, and you were just watching Sam’s reaction until you caught a shadow moving out of the corner of your eye. You just reacted, your arm shooting out to catch the arm of Ghostface as he tried to bring a knife down on Tara. You knocked Tara back toward Sam with our free arm, and twisted Ghostface’s hand, then punched him in the face.

“Run!” you called out to the girls, hoping they listened to you. As Ghostface stumbled back, trying to shake off the hit you brought your knee up, nailing him in the gut, and sending him falling back into the bushes.

You didn’t hesitate to turn around and take off after the girls, quickly catching up to them. You felt something when you kneed Ghostface, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it as Sam flung open the door to a bodega. You were only a couple steps behind them, swinging the door open to see them begging the cashier to help them.

You looked back and caught a flash of a cloak through the window. You pushed Sam and Tara back, spreading out your arms so that they wouldn’t be easy to hit as Ghostface charged into the bodega. One of the customers stepped forward and was yelling at Ghostface when Ghostface just started stabbing him in the chest and then a few of the other customers.

“The backdoor!” the cashier called out, nodding his head to the side as he reached under the counter and pulled out a shotgun. You glanced back to see a door on the other side of the room. You pushed Tara and Sam towards it so they could get out first as you kept your eyes on Ghostface.

The cashier tried to shoot Ghostface but couldn’t raise the gun before Ghostface reached out and ripped it out of his hands. Ghostface flipped the gun around and blasted the cashier in the chest. Your eyes widened and you turned and grabbed Sam and Tara. Ghostface had just raised the gun and fired at the back door when you pushed Sam and Tara down to the ground behind some of the shelves.

You raised a finger to your lips and then gestured forward, indicating for them the to slowly move. You kept your back pressed against the shelf as Tara and Sam slowly crawled around to the next aisle. When they got over there Sam looked back at you and you gestured for her to continue forward. If they kept going and kept quiet, then they could make it back to the front door and while you distracted Ghostface they could slip right out. Sam seemed hesitant to continue on, but she did anyway.

You stayed low and kept your eyes looking up, waiting for the perfect opportunity. You listened as Ghostface’s boots slowly crunched across the broken glass and bags of chips that were now scattered across the ground. You caught a glimpse of the barrel of the gun when the sound of someone hitting a bottle echoed throughout the room.

You held your breath and froze in place. The barrel of the gun disappeared and then a shot echoed through, hitting the shelf across the room and sending snacks flying. You only had to hear the crunch of Ghostface’s boot to make your move, shooting up from your spot and launching yourself at Ghostface.

You grabbed onto the gun and kept it pointed up as Ghostface tried to turn it on you. The two of you went back and forth, each of you fighting for control of the gun. In your struggle the gun got pointed up and went off, blowing a hole through the ceiling and sending chunks raining down on you.

“Go!” you called over your shoulder. If the sisters didn’t move now, you weren’t sure you could get them another chance.

You heard the sound of footsteps running across the floor and caught a flash of Sam’s jacket out of the corner of your eye. You jerked the gun up, finally ripping it out of Ghostface’s hands. You flipped the gun around and fired, only for nothing to happen, it was out of ammo. You flipped it back around and used the butt of the gun to smack the Ghostface’s chest with all your strength.

Ghostface went stumbling back until he hit the back door. As soon as Ghostface pushed off the door you thew the shot gun at him, making him react and catch it, the impact making him hit the door again. You reached behind you and pulled out your gun, not hesitating to raise it and fired three bullets into Ghostface’s chest.

Ghostface slid to the ground, his back against the wall and his body slumped over as the shotgun rested at his side. You stepped forward, raising the gun to Ghostface’s head when you finally heard the sirens. You dropped the gun back to your side and quickly tucked it back in its holster at your back before making your way out of the bodega.

Almost as soon as you stepped foot outside you were hit with a small impact. You let out a groan and looked down to see Tara with her arms wrapped around her waist. “Thank you,” she mumbled into your shirt. Police officers rushed past the two of you, none of them paying you any attention as they made their way into the bodega, their guns drawn.

“Are you okay?” you asked, looking down at Tara. You weren’t big on hugs but if it made Tara feel better then you were willing to accept it.

“What happened?” Sam asked, rushing up beside you. “Did you get him? Are you hurt?” she looked you up and down, searching for new injuries.

“I’m fine,” you assured her. “I shot him, but I didn’t get him,” you looked back at the front door, just waiting for him to come out.

“What do you mean?” Sam furrowed her brow. Tara finally released you and looked up as she waited to hear your answer as well.

“He was wearing bullet proof vest.”

“Are you sure?”

You nodded. “Flet it as soon as I kneed him on the street.” It took a while with all the adrenaline for you to finally connect the dots as to what you felt. You had more to say btu you didn’t think this was the time or place with all the prying eyes. You knew it was a good idea to keep the information to yourself when the cops came back out and said Ghostface was gone.

You, Tara, and Sam rushed back into the bodega to see the back door open, the lock that was on the door now lay scattered on the ground. Ghostface recovered fast, he could certainly take a hit, but you weren’t surprised he escaped. Just one fight with this Ghostface and you had enough information to narrow down your suspects. You weren’t sure when you’d have the time or privacy to go over everything with Sam though.

Taglist: @thatshyboy1998 @artrizzler19 @btay3115 @acutenobody @godamnityess @luvwanda @rqizzu @riyaexee

[yesbutmakeitgay]

Pain Is Just A Simple Compromise

Carol Danvers x Reader

We’ve Loved A Thousand Lives

Part 1

Summary: Unconnected oneshots exploring your relationship with Carol amongst many universes. Same beginning, different story every time.

A/N: First installment of a new collection I've been working on. Every part is individual and can be read in any order. Content warnings will be noted in each part.

Angst with a happy ending.

Word count: 1.9k

Masterlist | This collection | AO3

Captain Marvel enters her ship after another successful mission wanting for nothing more than to relax and rest while reaching her next destination, that is until she senses someone else’s presence in her space home.

She walks slowly, pointing one of her lit up fists in a general forward direction, "I know you’re in here, who are you? Who sent you?" she warns the intruder.

A human silhouette appears in her line of vision, it’s arms up in surrender. She continues to walk towards it until she can make out the person’s face.

"It’s just me," you announce, hoping that’s enough to deter her threatening state.

Carol sighs in annoyance and puts her fist down, you do the same with your arms, "How did you get in?" she questions in a harsh tone.

"Kamala…" you hesitate, unsure if you need to elaborate on your answer, her eye roll and cursing under her breath tells you, you don’t.

"What do you want?" she follows, clearly angry.

You try to keep your voice as neutral as possible, "I wanted to talk."

"Now’s not a good time."

"It’s never a good time, is it?"

"Make it quick, I have somewhere to be." Carol is growing more impatient by the second.

"Oh, good, I was just on my way to wherever it is you’re going." You sit down on the couch making sure to exaggerate your motion, so The Captain knows you’re not leaving anytime soon.

Accepting her defeat, Carol walks to the control panel of her ship to set the coordinates for her next mission, "I’m gonna take a shower, you make yourself at home," she grumbles, still annoyed.

When Carol comes out she searches for you on the couch, but doesn’t find you there, instead, she walks towards the noise coming from the kitchen.

"I made your favorite," you bargain, in hopes that a warm, home cooked meal will make The Captain a little more amicable.

"Thanks," she responds dryly, but you don’t miss the way her eyes light up when she sees the dish.

You both sit at the table and eat in silence. When you’re done, Carol attempts to get up and clear the plates, but you stop her with a hand on her shoulder, "I got it." You feel how her entire body stiffens under your touch, so you let go immediately.

You do all the dishes and tidy up the small mess you made, along with the bigger mess that was already there before you arrived.

Carol leans on the counter, her features slightly softer than when she first saw you, "So…?" she asks expectantly, when she receives no answer, she presses harder, "I thought you wanted to talk."

You stand still in front of her, your heart pounding in your chest, "I figured when we got to this point I would know what to say," you begin slowly, "I’m sorry for the way we left things off."

She lets out a humorless chuckle, "You’re sorry?" she mocks, "you show up to my home after 4 months and all you can say is you’re sorry?" Her voice gets louder, not holding any of her emotions back. "I looked for you everywhere, I called everyone I know! Have you any idea how worried I was about you?" Tears are now streaming down her face.

"I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t have a choice," you plead, trying to maintain your composure.

"You are unbelievable!" she yells back, "No goodbyes, not even a note? You could have said something!"

"No, I couldn’t," It comes out as a whisper, "I tried, but you wouldn’t listen," she scoffs, "you weren’t eating, you weren’t sleeping, you barely acknowledged my presence. You were working yourself to death." She takes a few steps away, her head down and her back facing you, "Carol-"

"Don’t," she hisses, her voice is laced with poison. She turns back to look you in the eye, "Leaving on the day of our anniversary sounds like a very conscious choice to me."

There is silence for a moment, the air so tense it feels like hours.

"I didn’t leave on our anniversary," you pronounce every syllable carefully, she frowns with a mixture of anger and disbelief, "I left three days before that, I couldn’t bare the thought of spending it alone, so I left."

Carol sits on the couch, her face full of confusion, you can almost hear the millions of thoughts going through her head, "It took me three days to notice you were gone?" she whispers, a loud sob escaping her.

You take a cautious step towards her, "I couldn’t help you, but I could make you realize that you needed help, I’m so sorry, angel," you tell her softly, no longer able to hold back your own tears. She nods shakily, barely registering your words.

After some time you collect yourself again, "It’s getting late, you should get some rest, I’ll take the spare room." She nods again and goes to her bedroom wiping her tears away.

You stand still until she closes the door and take a deep breath. A familiar feeling of fur helps you settle your emotions, "I missed you too, Goose."

When you wake up, Carol is already gone to her mission. You decide to make yourself useful and clean the place up for her.

The Captain returns to her ship, she takes her boots off and pulls her suit down to her waist. You walk out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel covering your lower half, unaware that she was back already. When Carol sees you she instantly turns around mumbling some apology, you rush to cover yourself, "I didn’t think you’d be back so soon."

"It’s okay," she quickly reassures.

You run to the spare room to put on some clothes you borrowed. When you come out Carol notices her sweater on you, but makes no comment about it.

She walks into her bedroom to find a change for herself, "Did you wash my sheets?" she asks plainly.

"I did, they were getting a bit musky."

"Thanks," she mumbles, somewhat ashamed of the state of her home, you simply nod in response.

Later that evening you sit at the table again to have dinner together. You try to make small talk and she attempts to humor you, but the interaction is awkward, as if you had never spoken to each other before. You are close to giving up when you notice a red stain on her t-shirt.

"What’s that on your shoulder?" you worry.

"Huh?" Carol looks at where you’re pointing.

"Did you injure yourself?"

"I don’t think so."

"Let me have a look," you insist, already getting up from your seat. You pull up a chair beside her and lift the sleeve off her shoulder. Right underneath the stain you find a prominent cut, still bleeding.

"It’s a nasty one, let me clean it up for you."

"You don’t have to do that," she’s quick to respond.

"Do you not want me to?" you challenge her.

She stares at you for a moment, "Fine."

She’s hesitant at first, but as you get to work on patching her up she relaxes into the familiarity of your touch.

"All done," you chirp with a satisfied smile when you’re done.

You look up from her shoulder, your faces impossibly close and before thinking twice she leans in to kiss you. Once she realizes what she’s done she pulls away, "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that."

You linger for a bit, "It’s okay," you whisper into her ear before walking away to store the first aid kit.

A few days go by and you fall into a routine, one far from the perfect harmony you used to have before, but it's a good start. Carol goes from planet to planet completing her various missions and you stay on the ship making sure it remains in livable conditions.

"Incoming call from Earth," the spaceship announces, you’re in Carol's room tidying up and decide to take the call there.

"Hello?" you yell out, waiting for the image to load. A smiling Kamala greets you from her home, "Hi, baby, what's up?" she blushes at the pet name.

"Hey! Just checking in, it's been a minute."

"How sweet and pure of you to worry about me without any ulterior motive," you tease her, fully aware of her intentions.

Unable to keep it together, she drops the act, "Have you talked to her? Did guys make up? Tell me everything!"

You chuckle at the girl's antics, "Um, yes and no," Kamala looks at you attentive, "we talked, but I wouldn't say we made up."

"What? Why? What did she say?" The girl can't help herself.

"It's complicated, a lot has happened," you pause, "she did kiss me briefly, but I haven't dared to bring it up again."

Kamala's eyes light up, "She kissed you?" she repeats with the biggest smile on her face.

"Yes, it was nice." All of your confidence is suddenly gone.

You continue talking and catching up together.

When Carol gets back on the ship she finds it is suspiciously quiet. She calls out for you, but receives no answer, prompting her to search for you all over her home, unsuccessfully.

The worst thoughts start running through her mind, she rushes to her room for a communication device and finds you sound asleep on her bed. She lets out a relieved sigh trying to be annoyed at the sight, but coming up empty.

She pulls the covers over you and goes to lay down on the other side of the bed. You instinctively cuddle into her, still in your unconscious state, and she can't even try to deny you, she holds you closer and places a kiss on your forehead.

The next morning you wake up before Carol, it takes you a moment to realize you're in bed together and she has her arms around you. A part of you wants to stay and enjoy the moment, but you decide against it, not remembering how you got in that position in the first place.

You carefully get up and make your way to the kitchen to get started on breakfast.

Right as Carol's alarm goes off, you use the laser to get Goose to make coffee the way your Captain likes it.

"Morning," you greet her when she comes out.

"Morning!" she responds in a livelier tone than usual.

You sit to eat together expecting to have another awkwardly silent meal.

"So, where have you been?" she requests after a while, "I really looked for you everywhere."

"I asked The King to keep a secret," you respond coyly, taking your time to make eye contact.

"Val?" she exclaims with her mouth full.

You smile proudly, "Mhmm."

"But I went to New Asgard, I was in New Asgard!"

"Oh, I know."

Her voice turns small, "I went to get help."

"And some help you got," you smirk.

"Watch your tone," your Captain warns, but you know she doesn’t mean it.

There is a calmness and a sense of comfort that you haven’t felt in a long time, "I’m glad you’re doing better." There is nothing but sincerity in your voice.

"Me too."

Goose hops on the table and drops something from her mouth, you both watch her hop off and direct your attention to the small object.

"Is that your ring?" Carol gasps.

"I didn’t know where I was going, I wanted to make sure it was safe," you put the ring on your finger, where it belongs, "I always knew I was coming back."

Let me know what you think :)

@unicorniusfallapatorius @cordeliasdarling

[wesleysniperking]

Usopp and Conqueror’s Haki | part 1 (TL;DR)

Read this if have you any doubts. True Usopp fans only.

This is probably one of my MOST favorite topics to just think about and mull over. For the past couple of days, I’ve just been spouting streams of consciousness it seems, but I’m really wanting to showcase what there is to like and truly appreciate about Usopp.

So, this whole discussion on him having Conqueror’s haki just gets my neurons goin’ baby. Meaning it makes me really happy and theoretical and the like.

As long as I’ve been in this fandom I’ve come across all these theories and speculations surrounding Usopp. And guess what? They never stop. And they don’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon. The Final Saga is here and OP fans are getting anxious and bold. Behind all the scrutiny and petty hate, the real question everyone is asking is, “What will Usopp do next?”

Anywho, every time the convo gets to Conqueror’s haki Usopp gets name-dropped. I never entertained what people would consider bullsh*t. But every time I’d look into Usopp theories and speculation, Conqueror’s Haki was at the forefront. But then when I started frequenting websites such as Worstgen, Reddit, YouTube, etc. Conqueror’s haki kept being brought up and Usopp was in that same sentence. Even the haters with all their doubts think Usopp shows the most potential when compared to other characters people speculate on (no shade to them at all, whatsoever). So, after that sh*t started being shoved in my face, I decided to look into all these theories and speculation arising when it came to Usopp and Conqueror’s Haki, AND despite being skeptical and straddling the fence, I mean, the guy has potential.

First, I’m just gonna say this, when people start talking about how he’s gonna use it and when he’s gonna use it, they come up with all these scenarios that got me thinking they are cooking up something quite tasty.

Like, a multitude of a multi-page thesis.

One scenario that stands out to me is that there will be a moment where Usopp finds himself amid battle and unfortunately he once (again) gets the overpowered baddie whom the monster trio can’t defeat. So per usual, Usopp runs, hides, lies, makes a few seemingly tactless shots with Kabuto, and grovels (maybe), and then he starts getting beaten to a pulp. Like he starts getting the sh*t beat out of him. Then the baddie leaves him or more clearly the baddie starts walking off while giving a diatribe about Usopp being a worthless piece of sh*t and deadweight, throwing Usopp’s insecurities back into his face. So, Usopp gets back up and tries again (bleeding and tired), and some way and somehow (due to desperation and sheer will) he unleashes conqueror’s haki and it’s game over for the big baddie. But it depends if the true fight gets started then (Usopp’s Kabuto raised and ready) or the baddie just ends up on the ground, stomped. The end. This also clarifies that when people imagine Usopp with Conqueror's Haki, this isn't something he's trained for; so it's very sloppy and new to him. He won't know he's used it. It's a one-time, big moment thing, and then whatever else happens from there we run with.

But let’s get back to the ground. That’s daydream-ville. I gotta come back to earth. Needless to say, there are some supposed and still growing/adding conqueror’s haki traits that are/include:

The ability to force their will onto others/a strong will

This one is very complex, somewhat, when it comes to Usopp. But it’s also where it’s the most interesting. From the jump, the Going Merry crosses my mind. Ship developed a Klabautermann because of Usopp’s wholehearted care. That was one of the MAJOR (if not only) reasons why she came to save the Straw Hats during the buster call. So, he was basically the captain of the GOING MERRY (not the SHs, he lets Luffy have that with no qualms—and never did have any).

Then let’s not forget Usopp’s iconic speech when Luffy needed to get his a** up and finish Lucci off. Many people claim that—when discussing how far the crew could’ve gone without Usopp—this is where the deal-breaker comes in. If Usopp hadn’t been there to give Luffy that speech, Luffy would’ve been cat food.

Then there’s Usopp lies coming true. Call it a coincidence or irrelevant, there is indeed proof. If you’re an Usopp fan, you know you know.

Heck, he’s even lied about having conqueror’s two times (was it two or three?), and everyone knows that his lies come true. Even haters (to a point) or non-fans actually can consider this. Like, bro lies about having conqueror’s haki two times and it’s bound to come true.

continue here

Usopp fan club (feel free to join)

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

(For my final request depending on when you see this lol) I'd like to requset Hc's of showing/introducing Seth, Faust, Jack and Lucien to epic the musical! as a follow up on my previous epic ask (which i know I said this in my reblog of it but It amazing! :D )

The beauty of musicals

PT2 of Saga's after Saga's Alphonse, Auron, Charlie, and Finn

Seth

Def had a Greek mythology phase. Loves all the different stories of Greek mythology and Epic is amazing!

Him personally would fight the crew bc WHY DID YOU NOT LISTEN??? Hates how Aeolus was right about who you can trust.

Speaking of that he really likes that sing bc it's catchy but also has a double meaning to it.

Loves Athena and is sobbing as Odysseus calls out for her. ALSO FUCK THOSE SUITORS (from a mama's boy) the rage he had, he had to pause before eocntinuing to listen.

Faust

The part of Aphroditie's in God's Game is stuck in his head. Send help, (not really he loves saying it)

Knows NOTHING about the Odyssey, so he's learning as he goes with the musical. Probably going to listen to a yt video to explain it so he knows who tf is talking

Was there when the stream crashed and was like chat. Chat what do we do with our broken stream?!

Once he learns of the whole story he's like. So basically no one listen and ended up hating Odysseus bc he crashed out. Honestly valid.

Lucien

Asks if the musical is like the ones during William Shakespeare's time. Nods as you say I guess?

His eyes are opened and he loves all the musicals you've shown him so far. Makes a joke that he was there and knows a siren. (Is he lying? Who knows)

Can't pick a favorite song but loves how the cyclops sounds like. That song is so interesting, bc the cyclops is speaking slow as Odysseus is panicking trying to keep his men in order.

Calls you captain when something goes wrong bc the meme is so fucking funny. He burnt something? Captian! Can't remember where the remote is? Captain!

Jack

Is so giddy listening to the songs. He was def kind of a theater kid and loves singing the songs. All the songs are amazing and can't choose a favorite at all.

A new part of the songs get stuck in his head. Listens to it with you while studying but sadly has to stop listening at one point bc he's lip singing all the lyrics to the songs.

The actual story is actually so devastating g to him. Bc Odysseus is kept away from his wife by EVERYONE then changes bc of it and everyone hates that.

Also loves Polites that guy was really trying to keep Odysseus chilled out. Was so devastated when Polites died bc why did you take him friend?!

[xoxo-mei]

The Barista and The Superhero (Part. I) - A Steve Rogers/Captain America x Reader Oneshot Story

It was a busy Friday afternoon. A lot of people came from work and treated themselves to a steaming hot cup of coffee before heading home for the weekend. I was multi-tasking with three orders in a most collected calm way when my colleague and best friend Teagan came over.

''Can you stand at the bar for just a minute?''

I nodded, stepping away so she could do my job. Wiping my hands on the apron around my middle, I stood behind the cash register, awaiting for the next customer.

A tall blonde guy who was very attractive stepped forward. ''Good afternoon, I would like two coffees. One black and the other one with a tiny splash of milk and two sugars.''

Listening intently, I typed it all down on the register and called out his payment amount. He gave it to me. I was just about to turn around and give the order to someone else, when an explosion shook the building.

Fear bubbled within me and I quickly excused myself. I entered the side alley where no one ever came and teleported myself to the roof. A huge spacecraft was flying above me, shooting lasers down to everyone on the streets.

I groaned and got rid of my stuff in the corner before closing my eyes. I forced the energy of my powers to course through my veins.

''Hey,'' someone panted as they entered the roof, ''what are you doing?''

I shushed them. When I opened my eyes again, they were glowing a bright blue and a spiral of blue lines floated around my hands and wrists.

I pulled my hands back and with a violent force, I pushed them forward, exploding this stream of light from the palm of my hands which collided with the spacecraft. It was pushed back and I repeated it a few more times, before I calmed down and turned around to see the customer I was tending to before this all went down.

''You might want to go to the beach.''

He stared at me, speechless. I walked past him and grabbed my stuff, creating a portal to my home and closed it behind me with a final look at the man in front of me.

-

The whole ordeal was settled with the intense help of the Avengers. Everyone praised them, and I couldn't care less, because it meant I was still safe.

I was making tomato soup when the buzzer downstairs went. Someone wanted to come. I turned the stove a bit off, wiped my hands on a towel, and walked to the front door. I accepted the call.

Teagan was going to come up in a second for our annual movie night. We had to cancel a few times but we finally found some free time. We were going to binge-watch the entire Pirates of the Caribbean movies - one of my ultimate favorites.

I waited in my front door but was surprised to see that blonde guy again.

''Who are you, and what are you doing here?'' I questioned, scared that HYDRA had finally found me after all these years.

''The name's Steve,'' he spoke calmly, ''and I think we should have a talk.''

I gulped down the lump in my throat and stepped aside, letting him in. Steve entered quietly and stood still in my living room.

''We need to discuss what happened the last time. Who are you?''

I closed the door and decided to just stay there, ''I'm Y/N. And, I would appreciate it, if you wouldn't tell anyone about what you saw.''

''My guess is that a lot of people saw it,'' he smiled gently, ''but I was coming here in the hopes we could discuss something. We might need your help.''

I motioned for him to sit down and I sat a chair at a generous distance from him, ''Who's 'we'?''

''S.H.I.E.L.D. The Avengers,'' he searched for my eyes, ''me.''

''I don't want to bring anyone in danger.''

''You won't. You actually would be saving people from danger.''

I nodded.

I would love to use my abilities for good, but it also endangered me. Maybe I could make a deal. ''Alright. But on one condition.''

Steve stared at me, ''What is it?''

''Teach me how to control it.''

It was quiet for a short time but he eventually spoke up again, ''We have a deal.''

I felt relief flooding my heart.

I spent years and years on the run, scared that I would slip up and signal them where I was right now. But now, I had a team to have my back, a team that could teach me how to be the best version of myself.

''You might want to pack some things. I don't think it's going to be safe for long.''

Standing up, I entered my room and made some smooth movements, all my furnite floating around and growing smaller and smaller, until my entire room was a miniature model of what it was.

I stuffed into my bag and grabbed some other stuff before heading to Steve.

He frowned at me, ''That's all?''

''You'd be surprised how much it actually is,'' I chuckled, ''sometimes my powers come in handy. Now, where are we headed? I need some calls to make beforehand.''

He agreed with it and together we walked downstairs to his car, and we made our way to what would be my new home.

-

We managed to get to our location safely. I was surprised to see that it were the Avengers headquarters.

''I can't stay here.''

Steve frowned at me, turning the key in the ignition to turn the engine off, ''Why not?''

''If anyone- Hell, if HYDRA found out that I was staying here, you would have a freaking target on your back. I can't do that to you.''

''That's very considerate of you,'' Steve chuckled, ''but we already have a target on our back. Dozens, actually. So, whatever you decide, it won't bring us in any more danger than we usually are.''

I huffed, opening the door, ''You're just trying to make me feel better.''

''Is it working?''

I turned to him and couldn't help the smile on my face when I met his hopeful eyes. Side by side, we entered the headquarters and everyone was already gathered at the meeting room.

I couldn't believe I was in the same room as Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

I waved shyly as I felt all their eyes on me, ''Hi.''

''Oh, look, Captain America decided to grace us with his presence,'' Tony muttered out in annoyance, ''and who's that?''

''Uhm,'' I looked at Steve and he nodded, and I turned back to face them with a kind smile, ''I'm Y/N. It's nice to meet you all.''

''Are you the one he's been telling us about?'' Natasha asked kindly.

I frowned.

I wasn't aware that Steve was talking about me.

A blush crept onto my cheeks and I played it off as if I didn't notice, ''What was he saying?''

''Just that he met a sweet girl in a café who turned out to be stronger than Iron Man.''

Tony stared her down, ''Hey! That's just rude.''

Natasha chuckled and walked up to me, wrapping an arm around me. ''I know we are just going to get along well. Here, let me guide you to your new room.''

I thanked her and walked off with her, turning back to glance once at Steve as he smiled at me.

TO BE CONTINUED

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[soulventure91]

#Veilguard30 Day 7 - Dragon

A whole week!! Time to circle back to Seht! Thank to everyone that's read, liked, and reblogged my little snippets so far! Y'all rock.

-*-

A bone-rattling roar pierces the air above the swampy lands of the Anderfels, and Seht can't help spinning from the line to look up towards the cloudy sky.

"Was that a dragon?" she asks eagerly, though Warden-Captain Kofler breaks formation to grab Seht and tug her back into line with three other Wardens on patrol along the watchposts near Weisshaupt. "We won't go to see it?"

"No, Thorne, because we're not about to get eaten," Kofler scoffs as he moves back toward the front of the line; Yevras, an elven scout, huffs as he darts ahead into the brush, while Malon and Fiaschi snicker in her direction. "Our job is watching for any breaches into the Deep Roads and other tunnels; not dragon hunting."

"On the watch for one of your gods, oxman?" Malon prods, earning a flat glare from Seht. "Here I thought qunari didn't find anything holy, outside of their own book."

"Remember she's not qunari; or her mouth would be sewn shut," Fiaschi adds, and it takes more willpower that Seht is willing to admit to not immediately freeze them in place. "It'd be a sight better than the chatter."

Kofler whistles to silence the other two, and Seht stifles a growl and more surging mana to bring up the rear. A Warden she might be, but after several months since her Joining Seht still stands outcast; the only one of her height, her horns, even mage Wardens avoid her. There weren't even enough Tevene Wardens to warrant the disgust and commentary.

None of them understand.

But Seht holds her tongue for the rest of their trek, and they do find a spot to set camp for the night that happens to not be excessively wet. Seht at the back of the group means she has to take the dampest spot for her own, though she does use a carefully-controlled stream of flame to dry and harden the mud. Yevras slinks into camp once a cooking fire is going and gets his own bedroll set. The four gather around the fire; Seht sits alone, chewing slowly on her own rations. Captain Kofler had been clear when they left he would not provide hot food to her - "you bein' so tough and that much bigger, can't have you eatin' up what we scrounge" - and there is no room for her around the fire.

For a scant moment Seht misses Par Vollen, the tamassrans making sure everyone ate their share and that no one sat alone. But Seht remembers how she tried to show her favorite tamassran how she could keep her food warm by holding it, and Seht was no longer part of her own peers.

This, at least, she had chosen and could endure.

None of the other Wardens volunteer to take the first watch, meaning Seht sits up in the darkness cradling a tiny candle-glow of flame to see by. The roar echoes in the air again, and Seht turns towards it. The entire swamp falls quiet in its wake. Only Seht's breath, guttering her flame, makes a sound -

Until a heavy step slowly, softly, glides over the water nearby. Foom. The step hardly shakes the ground. Seht twists slowly, careful to shield her light, and can only inhale in awe as, in the dim light, she makes out dark grey hide and the deepest shadow-outline of wings. A low sound, like a rumble of distant thunder, rustles the swamp grasses. None of the other Wardens move.

Seht extinguishes her flame as she sees a glint of yellow eye. Her eyes adjust to the darkness, and Seht can make out a shimmering golden hue where the embers of the cooking fire glint and smoke. Her eyes are wide, in awe and terror, as the dragon's head passes over the other four Wardens. Whuff, whuff.

The dragon's gaze finds her. Its head dips, as if considering. Something inside Seht rumbles in reply, not willingly, even as she finds her feet. Its yellow gaze remains on her, and Seht cannot look away.

Eternity passes in a moment. The dragon huffs, then turns its head away before its soft tread slides over the water, into the darkness. More moments pass, and the sounds of insects and the wind return.

"...anaan," Seht murmurs before her knees give out.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

About Me: Favorite TV Shows

I'm gonna be honest with all of you: I'm not much of a TV show guy. I'm just typically not one who likes sinking a lot of time into something unless it's a video game with a lot to do in it. This is why I review movies; they're typically the perfect length for my easily-distracted ass to take in.

But still, there are plenty of shows that have broken that rule and managed to keep me engaged and coming back for more. Some of these are favorites from my childhood, while some of these are more recent shows I finally decided to watch. It's a nice mix, but the main thing here is that all of these shows are something truly special to me considering I took the time to watch them all.

There's a few honorable mentions to go over. The four biggest ones are The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, and Rick & Morty. I love all four of these shows... for the most part. My issue with all of them is that despite having stretches that are some of the greatest ever in TV history, they also have huge chunks of absolute dogshit to the point it is debated to this day at which point the shows fell off, or if they even managed to get back on. And sure, every show has bad stretches, but with most of these shows being long running programs and all of them being massive cultural phenomena, it sticks out a lot more. Rick & Morty in particular was hit really bad by this. The reason these shows don't get on while I have other long runners with bad stretches on the list is simple: When these shows are bad, they're offensively bad. Like the middle seasons of SpongeBob are bad, but at least they don't have his giant sperms come to life and impregnate his sister's egg to create a giant incest baby or have an overly long sequence in which he vomits after finding out he fucked a trans woman.

Other honorable mentions include: Batman Beyond, Chowder, Catscratch, Codename: Kids Next Door, Fraggle Rock, Good Omens, Malcolm in the Middle, Heroes, Cardcaptor Sakura, Invader Zim, Ben 10, Gargoyles, and The Mandalorian.

30. Captain Planet and the Planeteers

I had to find a way to squeeze one "so bad it's good" show on the list, but how? Making a show that's pure camp is more difficult than making a movie like that... but they somehow found a way by giving us the adventures of racially diverse eco-warriors fighting against pollution with the held of an absolutely ripped planetary avatar with a green mullet who spouts an endless stream of cheesy puns and one-liners that would make even Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze take pause. Every time this show is on, you bet your ass I'm sitting down and watching; it's the most beautiful cheese there is.

29. Bluey

My wife and I caught this on TV during a Disney vacation and we ended up loving it! This turned out to be a blessing, because a while later we had our first kid and she's obsessed with the show (she's going as Bingo for Halloween this year). It's such a cute, charming children's show with relatable messages for both kids and parents, as well as a shockingly good score. It genuinely is one of the best pieces of children's media out there, much better than shlock like Cailou or Peppa Pig (are those shows even still on?).

28. Jackie Chan Adventures

Cartoons based on celebrities tend to suck balls, but maybe they were picking the wrong celebrities the whole time. Maybe instead of MC Hammer, they should have picked everyone's favorite homophobic, PETA-supporting Chinese nationalist action star, Jackie Chan! This show is literally the Saturday morning cartoon. It really had it all: Wild animated action, mystical artifacts acquired through Indiana Jones-esque adventures. all sorts of crazy monsters and supernatural entities, and memorable characters like my man Tohru, who walked so Prince Zuko could run.

27. Sailor Moon

I think everyone remembers their first anime, and this was mine. My mom loved the show, so I ended up watching it a lot back when it was airing on the early iterations of Toonami, and it has made me a lifelong magical girl fan. Maybe Cardcaptor Sakura and PPMM did that whole thing better, but neither show had Sailor Mars, my first anime crush. All that aside, the cheesiness and the sheer earnest power of love and friendship that managed to solve every problem is just peak fiction... I just wish it was nearly as good as the manga.

26. Green Eggs and Ham

If you told me way back when that someday there would be an adaptation of the Dr. Seuss book famous for containing a very limited number of words that expanded on the story, added drama, and threw in a villain who is a blatant spoof of former president and eternal idiot Donald Trump, I think I might have stared at you in utter confusion. And if you told me this show would actually be good, I'd be doubly confused. Thankfully, the show is really damn good, with an impressive cast and good humor that manages to capture the whimsy of the wubbulous world of Dr. Seuss perfectly.

25. Inhumanoids

I think everyone has a soft spot for an 80s toy commercial, but where most would pick Transformers, My Little Pony, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, my favorite of the lot was this obscure gem of a show. It's such a fun introduction of horror and Lovecraftian abominations to a young audience, and a lot of it is still unsettling and dark to this day. D'Compose will eternally haunt my nightmares between that raspy voice and the gruesome transformations he inflicts on his victims. Good shit!

24. Danny Phantom

Forget that stupid fairy show, this right here is the best thing Butch Hartman ever put his name on. It's a loving tribute to comic book superheroes in the same way Ben 10 was, but I think this show is ever-so-slightly better due to its blend of supernatural and sci-fi working really well (and also it doesn't retcon all magic as being alien energy or whatever the fuck they did with Gwen in the sequel series). The only thing holding it back from a higher spot is how hilariously bad the finale is and the rather scattershot quality of the final season in general. Too many loose plot threads hanging for my taste.

23. The Boys

Seth Rogen has seemingly made it his mission in life to adapt all of Garth Ennis' work in a way that makes it not suck ass, and boy am I here for it. Adapting one of Garthy-boy's most repulsive and spiteful works and turning it into a genuinely great superhero show that satirizes celebrity culture instead of just taking a huge shit all over comic book superheroes was really the way to go, and watching Anthony Starr and Karl Urban command the screen every time they take center stage is a blast. Sure, it's still gory and lowbrow, but it's done in a way where it's honestly appealing as opposed to whatever the fuck Ennis was doing.

22. Mystery Science Theater 3000

I mean, it should be pretty obvious that I love this series, right? If you ever had the misfortune of watching a movie at home with me, you'd know I just do not shut the fuck up and spend a lot of the runtime either pointing out trivia or cracking jokes, and it's mostly because of being inspired by this show. It's also partly because I'm annoying, but that's neither here nor there.

21. Batman: The Animated Series

No fucking duh this is on the list. This is pretty much the definitive portrayal of Batman for a lot of people, one that truly encapsulates everything the character is all about. Kevin Conroy truly owned the titular role, as did his costar Mark Hamill when it came to the Joker, and as if that wasn't enough this is the show that spawned one of my favorite comic characters, Harley Quinn. There's no denying the impact this show has had on Batman as a franchise, but even beyond that it's just a damn good show with really good writing. I sure am glad one of the guys who made it never went and flushed all the good will he garnered from creating this by constantly having Bruce Wayne lust after one of his teenage proteges!

20. Courage the Cowardly Dog

This show is pretty well-regarded for how it showcased some truly weird and fucked up imagery, but I don’t think any of that would be as resonant without the moments of tenderness and heartfelt emotion, the genuinely amusing slapstick, or the often clever writing. When it comes to episodic shows, variety is king, and this show has that in spades.

19. The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

This show seems to be an answer to a question no one asked: What if they made Family Guy for kids? The black comedy, the negative continuity, the numerous pop culture references, the grossout humor, the musical numbers… it probably wasn’t intentional, but it sure adds up. The biggest difference is that this show is way more consistent in quality and has Jeff the spider, making it the superior show by a mile.

18. Digimon Tamers

What do you get when you cross the silly monster battles of Digimon with the writing of the man who brought us Serial Experiments Lain and a heaping helping of Lovecraft? You get this show, of course! It’s darker and more psychological than the goofier seasons before it, and while normally I’d balk at a series shifting tone like this, since this was my first ever Digimon cartoon I watched from start to finish I embraced it with open arms. Hell, this show is probably where my love of psychological and allegorical horror came from. And of course the show gave me yet another childhood crush, and if you’ve read the Rhine City stories I co-author you’ll know exactly which character it was.

17. The Twilight Zone

The brilliance of this anthology series is just the incredibly wide range it has with the supernatural and sci-fi stories. Sometimes you’ll get a resonant and hard-hitting allegory on a social issue, and sometimes you’ll just get a cool, fucked up horror story where some evil little kid can warp reality and holds an entire town hostage to his maniacal whims. I’ve enjoyed every revival they’ve done over the years, but the Rod Serling original just can’t be beat.

16. Stranger Things

I’ll admit that it’s really the first and fourth seasons carrying this show to #16; seasons 2 and 3 are wildly uneven, with 3 in particular veering close to the shark-jumping ramp with its cartoonish Red Scare stereotypes. But even in the show’s weakest moments, the characters and how they interact with each other have managed to keep me invested. How can I be too mad at season 3 when it gave my boy Steve (the best character) a new BFF, Robin (the other best character)?

15. Elfen Lied

I think it’s easy to write this show off as overly gratuitous because, well, it is. Everything here is turned up to 11, from the gore and nudity to the drama and tragedy. I kind of feel the same way about this show as I do for V for Vendetta, where if they cut the crucial tragic backstory it would make the work as problematic as the haters say. But with Lucy’s heartbreaking backstory left intact, it definitely elevates the story into something greater. The manga is still (mostly) better, but I have to give the show credit for introducing it to me, and also cutting out the character who constantly pisses herself.

14. Smiling Friends

Sure, the wacky shitpost humor and the black comedy are great, but can we just stop and marvel at how uncynical the show is? The core concept is a cheerful optimist and a bitter realist work together in a business that helps people be happy, and despite all the hijinks they get into they typically end up succeeding in one way or another. In a world where so many adult animated shows seem to revel in pessimistic nihilism (cough Rick & Morty cough), it’s nice to see a comedy with similar humor but a more optimistic outlook.

13. Ed, Edd n Eddy

This is one of the absolute funniest shows ever, making great use of the cartoon world to pull off the most wacky slapstick you'll ever see. But I think what truly pushes this series this high is the absolutely fantastic sound effects and music it utilizes. Like, holy shit this show is on another level. It all goes a long way towards making up for the living sexual assault joke that is the Kanker sisters.

12. SpongeBob SqaurePants

This show dropped almost nothing but bangers for three seasons, gave us one of the best show-to-film adaptations of all time, generated a near endless supply of memes, and was generally just really fucking funny. And sure, it dipped in quality a bit in its middle seasons, but I think the first three to three four seasons are good enough that they can fuck up as much as they want.

11. Invincible

Gee Amazon, how come you get to have two of the best superhero shows around? Where The Boys is more of a straight deconstruction of superhero tropes, Invincible feels like something of a reconstruction. We still have an evil Superman and morally dubious good guys, but Invincible himself is utterly unyielding in his desire to be good to the point he manages to break down his evil father’s emotional walls and save the world (for the moment) simply by being a loving son. Unwavering goodness even in the face of genuine horror is badass as all hell.

10. Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Not to be a stereotypical weeb, but this show is simply a masterpiece. Now I will admit, the first half of the show was honestly done way better in the original series, and that one also had some interesting takes on some of the characters once it started diverging from the manga. But this series has a much better finale with way better character moments, with stuff like Envy's final fate hitting harder than anything the original show could muster. There's a reason anime fans suck this show's dick so much; it genuinely is that good.

9. A Series of Unfortunate Events

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one disappointed that the original movie never got a sequel, so my hopes were high going into the Netflix series. Needless to say, I ended up extremely impressed; considering how they managed to incorporate the VFD plotline from the very start instead of throwing it in later in the series, I might even go as far as to call it an improvement on the books. I think the most surprising thing here is that despite expecting NPH as Count Olaf to steal the show, it’s actually Patrick Warburton’s portrayal of Lemony Snicket himself that brings the whole show together.

8. Peacemaker

I think this one speaks for itself.

7. Futurama

I love all of Matt Groening's shows, from the loose family sitcom shenanigans of The Simpsons to the great overarching plotline of Disenchanted. But it's really not surprising that the middle ground between tightly-plotted continuity and great humor is my favorite of his works. The best part of the show is no matter how many times it ends, it always comes back and finds new ways to bust your gut and tug at your heartstrings.

6. Gravity Falls

Disney has had many great TV shows in their time, but quite frankly nothing compares to this animated supernatural mystery series about a pair of twins having their summer vacation at a shitty scam shack. The episodes are mainly episodic with hints at the bigger lore, and it doesn't really ever feel like it's dragging its feet. It also didn't overstay its welcome, telling a fantastic story over the course of two seasons before gracefully bowing out while on top. Very few shows can say they ended in top form.

5. Jane the Virgin

One fine day I came home from work to find my wife watching this on Netflix. Curious, I sat down and watched it, not expecting much... and then proceeded to become so emotionally invested in the show I spent the rest of the series shouting at the screen as if the characters could hear me. It's sweet, funny, and absolutely ridiculous, a loving tribute to the telenovelas that inspired it, and a blessing unto this world for giving us the gift of Rogelio.

4. Avatar: The Last Airbender

Yeah, real bold and daring of me to say this is probably the best Western animated series ever, but it’s hard to deny that it’s true. With a rich world, excellent characters, and a strong story it’s to the point where the worst episode would be perfectly fine in any other show, and the best episode doesn’t even feature the titular Airbender at all. It’s just that good.

3. Breaking Bad

You know me, I love character studies of awful people, and few fictional villains are as awful as the egotistical meth manufacturer Walter White. Watching his rise and fall, the numerous moments where he goes further beyond the pale than before, is endlessly gripping, and the fantastic cast of characters helps keep things just as good even if we aren’t following Walt. Mike, Jesse, Gus, Skyler, the Salamancas, Hank, Saul… all of them are fantastic in their own right and could easily carry their own show. Speaking of which, about that last guy...

2. Better Call Saul

As much as I think Breaking Bad is objectively the greatest show ever, I prefer Better Call Saul. In hindsight, you can kind of tell Walter was bad from the start, but Jimmy “Saul Goodman” McGill? We watch him go from a morally dubious but ultimately well-intentioned man into the sleazy bastard he was in the original show, and it is genuinely heartbreaking. This show makes you truly dread the moment Jimmy fully becomes Saul, and considering how beloved the funny lawyer man was that is no small feat. The story of a good man falling from grace only to ultimately claw his way back to ultimately reclaim his humanity in the end… it’s beautiful.

1. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

I don’t think I could possibly overstate the influence this series has had on me and my writing. The personalized superpowers, the meaningful names, the numerous musical references, the unashamed embracement of even the most ludicrous elements of the stories… If you read the Rhine City stuff you can clearly see where I’ve let the JJBA influence seep in. But even outside the influence, it’s just a damn good action/adventure series, with no part being truly bad (4 - 6 are my favorites, though). It’s never a dull moment watching what sort of insane feats the Joestar family and their allies will pull off against the increasingly deadly forces of evil; here’s hoping we get to see Steel Ball Run sooner than later.

[wellntruly]

M*A*S*H - Viewguide, S4

Are you interested in the long-running anti-war situation tragicomedy M*A*S*H (1972-1983), but there are simply so many asterisks and so many episodes?

Well I can’t help you with the asterisks, but nor can I help myself: I started watching all 11 seasons of M*A*S*H, and bringing back for you my viewing selections, chosen for The Qualities.

— — —

In which we lose two of the three top billed cast members and gain two new ones, a couple of the regular writers and directors also seem to cycle out, and in the ensuing slightly confused flooding of our previously steady stream, Frank is sinking like one of those water-logged stumps, someone seems intent on trying to keep Margaret from also getting dragged down by him through the approach “she’s just not around again, idk,” Radar is somehow swimming up-stream and now seems several years younger than he was when we started, and Alan Alda is piping up more and more to point out the banks and steer us into deeper waters, and if he’s also maybe altering our course just a little, let him.

Meanwhile, TIMESCALE: we learn in the opening scene that the first three seasons have timelooped for "just over a year” :) elated with this data :))

And so we enter M*A*S*H, Part Two:

M*A*S*H - Season 4 Recommended sequence

4x01-02 ‘Welcome to Korea, Parts 1 and 2' - Acting CO Frank Burns really thought he was going to get to mold their new doctor Hunnicutt into a Mini Frank, but did not account for Hawkeye Pierce, on a desperate scramble to the airfield, to pick him up while still reeling and reckless from having just lost his best friend, and in this, one of the most riveting figures BJ has ever encountered. TOO LATE, he got his hands and damage all over him already! Anyway I helplessly detailed exactly what goes down in these if you are BJ Hunnicutt (BJ…Hunnicutt) in my increasingly disclosing notes, so stay tuned for that.

4x04 ‘It Happened One Night’ - Not to be a weirdo and skip to Colonel Potter already being here, but this one is really good. This is one of my quiet favorites of the season. And I think this works so much better as the one to follow the two-part premiere actually. Hawkeye and BJ aren’t quite in sync yet—this is accurate. Hawkeye and Margaret continue to get more in sync—this too is accurate. Lots of Klinger (LOTS of Klinger) (hirsute…), Radar being so irritated with the chaotic bumbling of the new private is so funny, and you’re still getting a good impression of our small, forthright new CO: regular Army, but you know what? Maybe…our regular Army. And that could rule actually. Oh: AND EVERYONE’S SO COOOLD. My fav-orite!

4x05 ‘The Late Captain Pierce’

BJ: “For he was a jolly good fellow…” Hawkeye: “I was much too young to die.”

A clerical error renders Hawkeye legally dead. M*A*S*H x Catch22 for real, murder me. And, five episodes into the new season of an episodic sitcom and they were still letting Hawkeye be torn up over those he’s lost, and have this wholly new emotional register with his new friend BJ, way longer for both than I’d thought they would let him have. But y’know, Alda got to direct this one.

4x09 ‘The Kids’ - Great TV show setup: learn things about the characters by how they read bedtime stories to dislocated orphans. If you guessed, “oh yeah, and that’s gonna create the moment where Hawkeye finally lets himself start to fall in love with BJ,” you are a better guesser than I!! But man what a good choice. Alda. (Back in the chair.)

4x10 ‘Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?’ - I just adoooore Dr. Sidney Freedman. Any scene with Sidney in it: a balm. Here he returns for the episode in which the 4077th gets a wounded soldier who says he’s Jesus Christ. Meanwhile, Radar is now twelve.

4x16 ‘The Price of Tomato Juice’ - I was trying to describe the format of these kinds of chain of wants & favors episodes to Jody and she was like, oh, you mean it’s like the Deep Space Nine where Nog explains The Great River of Commerce. Yes exactly.

4x19 ‘Hawkeye’ - They gave the rest of the regular cast the week off and just had Hawkeye monologue with a concussion for 25 minutes, ambling around a Korean family’s farmhouse with surprisingly disconcerting candy apple red syrup creeping from his temple, live-narrating his own self-diagnosis, doing snippets of musical numbers, and just generally rambling as he tries to keep from fainting before his rescue arrives. A lot of oscillating between being about to keel over and quashing down his fear to put on a blithe front for an audience who can't even understand him, and a beautiful cow. In short, crafted for me special! I actually made this meme to explain to a friend why I was so undone by The Fabelmans (dork alert), but the thing is, it always worked because it was also about what it's about:

4x21 ‘The Novocaine Mutiny’ - Frank brings Hawkeye to trial for mutiny. He could, wildly, literally hang for this, but most of all: you bet there’s a Rashomon (scream).

4x25 ‘Deluge’ - I don’t know what to call these exactly, but they tend to do a couple of them a season. Usually, not always, they’re letter writing shows, with the letter narration forming the framework instead of an overarching plot, letting them do just a sequence of scenes somewhat related. Bullet point stories. This one however the scenes are intercut not with something else from the world of M*A*S*H, but actual historic footage from the period, in easily the most artistically experimental episode they’ve done yet. It’s all jarring juxtapositions of a very long surgical run with what was on TV back at home in 1952, with a jarring editing rhythm to match, which wasn’t fully working for me and then soooo working for me. Bit of an ‘O.R.’ echo, but so much odder and dreamier, in like a David Lynch way, and I think the sensation is well worth the list.

4x26 ‘The Interview’ - Anndd then you do this one next, which follows on the previous one almost like a brief bit of serialized storytelling. It’s all black & white and everyone is just being interviewed by a TV journalist about how they are (not) getting through it. At one point I paused to write this and let out a shaky yelp at discovering I was only 9 minutes in. At another point I had to pause to create my own break where there would normally be one just to let out mooore shaky sounds at an image Father Mulcahy had just described that will be lodged in my mind for the rest of my actual, actual life. Happy Season 4 Finale!!

Season 1 • Season 2 • Season 3 • Season 4 • To be continued

#M*A*S*H hours

[articskele]

SISTAAAHHHH

Have you listened to the recent wisdom saga? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT. HOW MANY THERAPY APPOINTMENTS HAVE YOU BOOKED /hj

I WAS THERE FOR THE LIVE :D

They were playing all the songs up to that point, so they were on Monster by the time I joined. And lemme tell you I've only been on a live for something like this once before?

So it was a magical experience seeing everyone in the chat shouting the lyrics to whatever song was playing and going ⛈️⛈️⛈️⛈️⛈️ when Thunder Bringer started :D

LEGENDARY MY BELOVED. Something about longing to meet someone you never had the chance to know, stuck in your bedroom surrounded by stories, not feeling safe in your own house and wishing to be strong. It just. Ouhg.

This is my favorite animatic of it, even if it's an older version of the song it's just so pretty :D

ANTINOUS WHEN I GET YOU ANTINOUS

"Need some help?" RAAAAAHHH

Athena in We'll Be Fine saying "I could sleep at night" with such anguish in her voice versus that part in Monster where Odysseus says monsters and gods don't lose sleep over their actions. AAAAUGH

I love how in this art (timestamp at 1:39:37 if the link doesn't work), the way the sun reflects on the water below just surrounds Telemachus in light ouo. He's just so bright and full of hope!!!!

And then the part right after when he tries to lean on Athena but she's see-through so he falls over lol

Everytime I hear the name Calypso I just think of this JKHSFKLDS

I love how this animatic (1:42:57) does The Thing where Odysseus stands in place while the environment changes around him, to show that he's struggling to process what's going on but the time passes anyways?

I don't know if there's a name for that, but I think it's neat and it always reminds me of this video hehe ouo

AND THEN THE STREAM GOT CUT IN THE MIDDLE OF LOVE IN PARADISE BECAUSE YOUTUBE WAS FEELING CAPRICIOUS AS THE SEA

AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE "CAPTAIN?????" AND "WHO OPENED THE WIND BAG" AND BLAMING EURYLOCHUS AND ZEUS KJASKFSDF

I was like YOUTUBE'S GOT A CLUB. IT'S GOT A CLUUUUUUU- But he started up another livestream and everything went back to plan ouo

7 YEARS LATER. ALL I HEAR ARE SCREAMS. AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I had heard little bits and segments of God Games before, but hearing the entire thing is so fun!

ESPECIALLY this animatic (5:41) that showed all the gods appearing on big pedestals and waving to the cheering crowds that really made it feel like some kind of video game or sports event :D

"HIS SON'S MY FRIEND" RAAAAAAHHHHH

THAT ONE SOUND (9:17) PLAYING LIKE A HEARTBEAT AND THE FLASHBACK AND HOLDING HIS SON I'M WAILING

[cupidbedsy]

𝗳𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹 | 𝘯𝘩13 ♔

➪ summary: in which y/n has a huge crush on nico and lets it slip during a couple of interviews or 2 interviews where y/n talked about nico and 1 interview where he spoke about her

➪ warnings: gross foods, gagging/throwing up

➪ word count: 2.4k

➪ file type: fic

➪ sunny's notes: the first ever nhl fic i posted on tumblr. this holds a special place in my heart <3 thank you for everyone who has been here from the beginning (editing this was rough)

© cupidbedsy (sunflower-lilac42) ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

nh13 masterlist || nhl masterlist || taglist || navigation

⟹ Interview One: Jimmy Fallon - Mad Libs Theater -> reference video: mgk mad libs

“Welcome back, I’m hanging out with y/n y/l/n! Her new album is streaming everywhere, Apple Music, Spotify, you name it. Uh, y/n I want to do something fun with you and act out a dramatic scene, but first, we have to fill in the blanks. It is time for Mad Lib Theater.”

The intro of Mad Lib Theater plays and y/n readjusts herself on the seat to look at Jimmy, “Alright. So here’s how this works. I’m going to ask you for some silly words - nouns, verbs, adjectives, et cetera - and they’ll all be written onto our cue cards here, as we’re doing this. And then we’re gonna act out a dramatic Mad Libs scene. Are you ready for this?”

“Thank god I went to fourth grade.”

Jimmy laughs along with the audience and uncaps the marker, “Okay. Here we go. I want a noun that starts with a C.”

“Candle.”

“Candle’s good. Adjective.”

“Sweaty.”

“Type of bug.”

“Mosquito.”

“Animal.”

“Elephant.”

“A chain restaurant.”

“Chipotle. I used to work there.”

“Chipotle?”

“Yeah.”

Jimmy continues, “Noun.”

“Jersey.”

“Like New Jersey or a sports Jersey?”

“Oh, uh New Jersey.”

“A kitchen appliance.”

“Spatula.”

“A plural noun.”

“Buildings.”

“Sophisticated.”

“I know right.”

“Another animal.”

“A yack.”

“One of the Seven Dwarfs.”

“Dopey.” She looks into the audience and winks.

“Celebrity name.”

“Sabrina Carpenter.”

“Name me a number,”

“13.”

“Just 13, 13-”

“1386.”

“Type of profession.”

“Hockey player.”

“Hockey player? Okay.”

“Wow! Speed round. Here we go. Another plural noun.”

“Mooses?.”

“Uh, okay. Body part. Watch it.”

“Elbow.”

“Phrase that you would say if you bumped into Leonardo DiCaprio on the street.”

The audience starts yelling, lots of fans of y/n knowing how much she loves this movie as it takes her no time to come up with an answer, “Why did you let go, Jack? You should have stayed on the door. You should’ve got on the door.”

“Why did you let go, Jack? There was room for you on the door.” Y/n repeats herself for the man as he writes down her answer. 

“Another noun.” Y/n’s flustered, “You do this one.”

“Burrito.”

“Burrito, okay.”

“Type of drink.”

“Bloody Mary.”

“Another celebrity.”

“Elizabeth Olsen.”

“Verb ending in i-n-g.”

“Slaying.”

Jimmy busts out laughing, “Slaying. This is fun doing Mad Libs with you.”

“What would you shout if you sat down in a wet seat?”

“Fudge that’s wet.”

“‘Fudge that’s wet?’ I love you.”

“First concert you ever attended.”

“Madonna.”

“Wow. Madonna. You know what, that makes sense.”

“A professional athlete.”

Without any hesitation, y/n blurts out, “Nico Hischier.”

“What?”

Y/n hides her increasingly growing red cheeks, “He’s my favorite hockey player. He’s the captain of the New Jersey Devils.”

There were some hockey or Devils fans in the crowd and they let out a couple of cheers. Jimmy wiggles his eyebrows at the girl before continuing, “Another verb ending in I-N-G.”

“Blushing.”

“Yes, very good. You’re blushing right now.”

Y/n laughs, “Two words that rhyme.”

“Swiss. Kiss.”

“A long, silly word.”

“Iridocyclitis!” A man shouts from the audience.

“What?!

“Is that a disease? Is that an actual-” 

“Yeah, what is that?” 

Jimmy attempts to spell out a word. 

“Iridocyclitis. Yeah, of course. Alright, now, we’ve filled out the words for our scene. Good look to our cue card. So sorry, Roman. Are you ready to perform our scene?”

“I don’t know now.”

“Let’s go, let's do this.” 

『••✎••』

Jimmy and y/n stand on the building after coming out in superhero costumes, “Am I green?”

“No, yeah, you’re green. Yeah, you’re green. I’m red.”

“Candle girl! What are you doing here?!”

“Oh, hello, Captain Stinky.”

“Please call me by my nickname, Mr. Mosquito.”

“I’m here for the same reason you are here - to rescue the elephant stuck on the roof of this Chipotle.”

“I knew there was trouble tonight when I saw my signal in the sky- a light projected in the shape of… New Jersey.”

“Well, using our powers this rescue should be simple. I’m faster than a speeding spatula, and everything I touch turns to buildings.” Y/n says before Jimmy responds, “I have the agility of a yak. And when I get really dopey, I turn into Sabrina Carpenter.”

Y/n starts laughing, unable to control herself, “Wow. I must tell you, my back story is complicated. When I was 1386 years old, I was… I was once bitten by a hockey player.” 

She then spits out more laughter and doubles over to hold her stomach, “Oh my- Oh my god. And ever since, I’ve been able to emanate mooses from my elbow.”

“Why did you let go, Jack?” Jimmy holds his hand out before y/n places her own on his shoulder, “I know. It’s amazing, but with great power comes great burrito.” Both of the two laugh before controlling themselves and continuing the scene. 

“Your story reminds me of my own. I became a superhero after I fell into a tub of radioactive bloody Mary. But listen. We must complete this rescue. In the trapped elephant’s collar, there’s a USB drive that contains images of Elizabeth Olsen slaying.”

Y/n snorts and covers her mouth quickly before laughing, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought it’d be much worse.”

“And as a warning, I do have one weakness.”

“What is it?”

“Madonna.”

“That’s okay. Just remember what Professor Nico Hischier told us. He said if we’re ever in a situation like this,” Jimmy pulls out a gold button, “You press this button, and we will both immediately start blushing. Here we go.”

Y/n laughs and the two start slapping their cheeks for them to redden, “Our blushing is causing the elephant to be saved.”

She looks at Jimmy and then the cue cards and shakes her head, “Swiss kiss! We did it!”

“Yes, let’s high-five and say the secret superhero catchphrase on ‘three’. One, two, three.”

They both squint in an attempt to read the word, “Iri-dira-calaptus.”

“Dude!”

“Yeah!”

“And scene!”

The two laugh as the scene ends and Jimmy tries to get his words out, “My thanks to y/n y/l/n.”

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

⟹ Interview Two: James Corden - Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts -> reference video: sygofyg w/ ewan mcgregor and niall horan

The theme music plays as the camera cuts to James, Ewan, Niall, and y/n sitting at a table with a rotating top and a bunch of food laid on it.

“Okay. so let’s take a look at the food that we have here.” James proceeds to spin the top of the table to showcase the food, “We have a salmon smoothie. A beef tongue.”

Ewan sticks his tongue out and makes a noise causing y/n to laugh as she holds her napkin up to her face, “This is disgusting.”

“Bird saliva.” The audience yells in disgust and Niall makes a whiffing motion with his hands, “The smell just gets stronger and stronger.”

“A scorpion. Fish head. Hot sauce. “

“Is that safe to do hot sauce?” Ewan asks as he looks towards James, “We’re gonna find out.”

“And finally, bull penis.”

“Yay!” Y/n claps. 

“So here’s how this works. Ewan and I will be asking questions to Niall and y/n. Now if someone on your team chooses not to answer their question, you both will have to eat the disgusting food. Have we got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, Niall-” y/n cuts in quickly, “I’m already mad.”

“You’re up first. Niall, I am going to give you-”

Niall points to one of the foods, “Please don’t do that. My acid reflux will freak out.”

“Please don’t. Not the scorpion.”

“The salmon smoothie.” Y/n squeals. 

“Here is your question, So if you answer the question you don’t have to eat, if you don’t answer the question, you both have to have a big glug of the salmon smoothie.” Niall laughs, “I don’t know what I’m more nervous about, the question or the smoothie.”

“Well, I’ve just seen the question and I think it might be the question. Niall, who is your least favorite member or One Direction?”

Niall swears but the bleep covers it as he goes to clink smoothies with y/n. Y/n looks at him, “I think you should drink, I am not your publicist, but I don’t know that you should.”

“I think I might just take the daily mail hit tomorrow, and throw out a crap answer. I’m trying to help y/n.” The said girl laughs and hits him, “If it’ll help you out, I’ll drink it.”

“Don’t think of your teammate, think of your life.” 

“What do you think, Niall are you going to go salmon-”

Y/n places the napkin around Niall’s neck to make a bib, “Yeah for future life, yeah, I think I will go with this.” The two pick up smoothies and drink them, well attempting to drink them. 

James hands them spoons and they both put them in their mouths. Y/n immediately gags and goes to spit it in the trash, getting some in her hair. James and Ewan immediately burst into laughter as they watched the two. 

Ewan looks at y/n, “Are you alright?”

“It is not so much the taste, it’s the texture. It's like having salmon yogurt.” James looks at y/n, “Oh and there is some in the hair to keep for later. Right, so now y/n, you will ask your question to me.”

“Oh well, well, well.”

“Which would you like me and Ewan to have?”

“Have a look at the question first.” Niall leans over to help y/n, it was honestly like having a brother and sister team up against someone. 

“Oh, wow. Getting tactical.”

“Oh, he is going to eat. I know– Scorpion.” Y/n turns the table so the scorpion sits in front of the two men on the other side. 

“Scorpion. I think that is the easiest one.”

“Well, yeah, you say that until it is in your face.”

“Your question is, James, name one artist who you have turned down for carpool karaoke.” The crowd lets out a bunch of oos, “How long have you got?”

“Cheers mate,” James cheers with Ewan, and they eat the scorpions, seemingly without any problem. 

“What is y/n going to eat?”

“I think I’m going for the tongue.” 

“And it’s one each. You have to eat the whole tongue.” Y/n looks at him in disbelief and he just shakes his head, “I’m just kidding.”

“Oh, this is quite a cute one. Y/n you once said you had a favorite hockey player, Nico Hischier, is it true you might have a crush on the Swiss man?”

Y/n immediately blushes and places her head in her hands as everyone laughs, “Oh come on, this is an easy one.”

“Oh shit.” The bleep censors the word as y/n looks at the tongue, “Yes, it’s true. I do have a crush on Nico Hischier.”

The whole crowd goes wild and Niall playfully hits her on the arm, “Niall what would you like to give Ewan?”

“Ewan you’re up. Truthfully, all I’ve been thinking about is that saliva. Surely the question gets better.”

“It does. Sorry, boys.”

“Jeez, again, back to the bird saliva.”

Y/n looks at the boys, “How do they get it?” James and Ewan playfully try to mimic what they think happened.

Niall pulls out the card and y/n reads it, immediately bursting into laughter, “This is the greatest question ever.”

The Irish man looks up at Ewan with a grin on his face, “Ewan, have you ever shit your pants?”

Everyone laughs uncontrollably for at least 30 seconds, “The show is only an hour, Ewan.”

“I mean I could lie, there is only one or two people that would know.”

“I am really enjoying this.”

“Well, I guess, yeah.”

“Hang on, wait how old were you?”

“Well, I was very young at the time.”

“No, no there didn’t have any age in there, did it?” Ewan defends.

“Well, we’ve all technically shit our pants as babies.” Y/n looks at the man. 

“That is all I was referring to. I might have shit my pants in the 90s one time.”

“Ewan McGregor. Spilling it.”

“Okay, Niall I am going to give you guys.”

“Please not the hot sauce.”

“Some beef tongue, are you ready? Okay.”

“I’m going to have to eat this, aren’t I?”

“Niall, you have dated both Selena Gomez and Ellie Goulding. It is your last night on Earth, who would you rather spend it with?”

“Just it doesn’t hurt anyone.” Y/n says, “Y/n’s going ‘it doesn’t hurt anyone’.”

Niall places his arm on the girl’s chair, “I’m afraid it does, love.”

“The trouble is, it’s not really your last night so someone’s gonna be upset tomorrow.”

“Okay, I would, 'cause it’s the last night on Earth, Ellie is a big fan of Planet Earth by David Attenborough so I would sit and watch that with her, and for that reason, Ellie Goulding.”

“Y/n it is your turn, you now will ask me a question and select a food.”

“You know what, you guys seem so keen on the beef tongue, giving it to us time and time again, so we will get revenge. James, you are definitely going to eat that, so have you got your knife ready.”

“Yup.”

“Which Late Night Host do you prefer, Kimmel or Fallon?”

“That’s tricky. Oh, dear are we eating this?” The two bite into the tongue and y/n gags as she watches them. 

“That was Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts. Big thanks to Y/n Y/l/n, Niall Horan, and Ewan McGregor, we’ll be right back, everybody!”

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

⟹ Interview Three: Nico Hischier - Postgame Interview

“So Nico, I hate to ask you about this but there have been these videos floating around about y/n y/l/n talking about you, have you heard about this?”

Nico nods his head as he looks at the interviewer, “Yeah, actually I have. Jack actually showed me this video and let me tell you, that was the last thing I was expecting.”

“Everyone is dying to know after she came out and explicitly stated that she liked you, do you like her, or at least have a tiny crush on her?”

“Yeah, well you know, I haven’t actually met her so I can’t say I like her but I do think she’s cute and that’s all I’m going to say about this.”

The interviewer nods, “Thanks Nico.”

[rymurrsneckbeard]

I was tagged by @kreiderrider to share five interesting facts about me. We’ll see if I can come up with five, lol

1) I am fascinated by weather/geologic phenomena. Tornadoes, blizzards, earthquakes, volcanoes. Just the way our earth exists: jet streams and cloud formations, plate tectonics and how it shapes and reshapes the planet. As a young child my parents owned an atlas where the first like 30 pages were about stuff like that and also space science and I must’ve reread those 30 pages a hundred times over.

2) I collect broken Christmas ornaments. I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness and thus never had a Christmas tree until I was an adult living on my own. The first year I had one, my best friend (James, @captain-peen if you didn’t know) and I were at a Container Store right after the holiday and they had ornaments on sale, and there was a tiny little deer ornament that was missing a back leg. Because I can anthropomorphize anything, I felt bad for this poor broken deer because no one else was going to buy him and I was so sad so I bought it. And now anytime I find a broken ornament (any animal that is) I have to buy it. So I have my tree full of rescue ornaments.

3) The only kind of uncooked onion I will eat is green. I find any other form of onion to be disgusting. I cook with onions because I know that the flavor is necessary for some things but few things gross me out more than biting into a big piece of raw onion, especially when it’s unexpected.

4) Nearly all of the people in my life I am closest with/talk to the most I’ve met online. James who I mentioned before, I met in a hockey rpf group on Yahoo 21 years ago. At the time we lived 400 miles away from each other. He now lives in the same building as me. My other closest friend, Juli, I met via hockey twitter and we’ve been friends for nearly 13 years now. There’s Caerleigh who I have attended hockey charity events with and who betas for me and who I beta for, we’ve also known each other for 20 years, we met in the same group as James and me. There’s Amy who I met on LJ via hockey groups I was a part of. Dannie who when I met her via Twitter, was dating a guy another friend of mine had a crush on. Then there’s Jamieson who I met on a Calgary Flames forum, the earliest evidence of our friendship is DMs on there from 2009 so he’s been around for 14 years. Also we have the GC crew who I met via hockeyblr.

All of these incredible friendships started because I found hockey stories on fanfiction.net way back in 2001.

5) When I was like 16 years old I got super into Dean Martin. While everyone else my age was fawning over Justin Timberlake I was pirating entire fucking Rat Pack albums off of Limewire. I enjoy Frank Sinatra as well, but Dean was the all time favorite of that era. This is also what led to me being a Michael Buble hipster, because I was ALSO pirating his shit off of Limewire because he was doing covers of all those old standards and that was exactly what I was into at the time. James and I went to see him live in 2005 when like 50 people in the city of Pittsburgh even knew who he was.

Hmm, I’m gonna tag @captain-peen @wildaboutmnhockey @lastweeksshirttonight @wantonlywindswept (who I ALSO met via the same hockey rpf group way back in the day!) and anyone else who feels like this might be fun.

[crackedegotheories]

Is This All Meaningless?

(I was going to save this theory for the next time Mark started making everyone feel bad for our choices or the “consequences of our actions”, but then he just said the trigger words in his FNAF Custom Night revisited stream and here we are instead. Spoilers for ISWM ahead! Also, with Part 2 just 2 days away (!), this is going to be the last theory from this blog for a while. Take care, Captain!)

Okay, so if you’ve been paying attention to Mark’s videos since ISWM Part 1 came out, you might have noticed some recurring themes when it comes to teasing Part 2. Mainly guilt and doubt.

We see it in Ë̸̼R̴̢̼̂R̵̡̙̚͜Ǫ̸͙͚̈R̶̦̮̝͗ , which starts with echoing words of praise and trust from our crew before, around the halfway point, taking a turn in tone. What seems like us being begged to shut down the wormhole, criticism of our leadership style, and then Dorene’s, "Been a long day, Captain. I bet you're wondering if you made the right choice."

In an unexpected return from Bim Trimmer in a show called “Life is Ours to Choose,” we’re treated to multiple hypothetical scenarios where there is clearly a wrong choice and a right one (or at least one that’s good enough) before the tone finally shifts for the final “hypothetical scenario.” Suddenly serious, Bim’s final question for us is, “Captain, was our trust in you misplaced?"

If these questions are enough to make us start doubting ourselves, then it’s the repeat of Lady’s dire words “The universe is littered with the corpses of your failures” hidden in an animation for Go! My Favorite Sports Team of all things that seems to answer both, not helped by the next video, P̴̮̌̓A̵̧͌͜R̶̰̀A̶D̶O̵X̴͓̟̖̭̠̜̣̪̹́͗͗͊̆̀͝ ̵͙̈̚D̴̖̍E̷T̷E̵̩͑͜ͅC̵̻͊T̸̺͎̾̾È̷͕Ḓ̴̵̛̥̫̰̊͗̔̃̌̅̀̓̂̕͝ͅ , which literally starts with listing off multiple universes that have been affected by the events of ISWM. The description even suggests that EVERY universe has been affected, backed up by the trailer for Part 2: The Multiverse Is Littered With the Corpses of Your Failures.

Ouch.

But as if that’s not bad enough, there’s more than one suggestion that our choices in all of this don’t even matter. Paradox Detected switches over to a PSA regarding wormholes that all but says we were screwed the moment we first entered the wormhole and began experiencing a “destabilizing paradoxical event.” The right choice would have been to backpedal(PEDL?) away from a wormhole, exactly the opposite of what we did. "If only they would have remembered PEDL, then your other self might have avoided an eternity in spiraling chaos, doomed to choices already made, and perpetually obligated to choices never even known."

And then there’s the story of the Lady of the Fountain.

A hidden page on the Universal Stability Agency website (literally titled YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE, with the link saying captain why are you doing this to me) has an unlisted YouTube video with Morse code in it. (Warning: the video contains flashing lights and loud sounds.) Thankfully, other people found this page and have provided a translation in the comments of the video already, so I would suggest reading the entire thing there if you’re interested.

In short, the “man in the machine” offers to tell a story, the “nonsensical ramblings of a mad man,” a story that we are outright told is meaningless. The story is about a fountain that appears one day, in which there is a “divine angel of the universe,” sent to grant knowledge to a single question asked by the one who is worthy. In the story there is only one villager who does not ask a question, the “one who was once known as Captain”, until they are dying. Their question, “What does all of this mean?” is answered “It means nothing, how have you not got that by now.” And that’s it, end of story.

It’s not the first time the viewer has been mocked for trying to find something more. ISWM Part 1 has the Narrator giving us an Easter egg while mocking us when we try to venture off of the path he has written out, and Wilford himself calls us out for poking around, telling us that we’re too early (back to that in a bit).

In fact, all of Part 1 would seem to suggest that our choices don’t matter. We have so many choices, so many possible routes that all end up in one of three places, two of which are the universe rebooting. There’s even a point where the Bandit asks us if our choices even matter, just before we’re presented with a choice that literally does not matter: either option leads to the same outcome before we’re shepherded toward the warp core.

Lady outright tells us that every choice we have made has cost us the lives of people who depended on us. No matter how we try to save the Invincible II when we first wake up, we will lose someone--either one of the crew or colonists, or our own self to the whole jumping out of an airlock thing, which doesn’t exactly help the people still on the ship. Even if we do free the ship from the wormhole, we eventually die and have no choice but to go into the light and right back to the beginning of it all. We were trapped in the effects of the wormhole even before we were offered the false choice of jumping in or doing a cannonball into the thing.

So the question is, do our choices even matter? Is there no way out, or are we doomed to fail again and again and again? With every failure costing the lives of more and more people? Do we just give up?

Let’s go back to that meaningless story, the Lady of the Fountain. In it, the one who was once known as captain is, obviously, no longer the Captain. They abandoned all of their responsibility, hiding in the shadows and the story says “fear of failing like all before them kept them trapped in the dark for nearly their entire life.” In the end they die, being told this all is meaningless before no doubt finding themselves back on that ship again, inside their cryopod in a new universe with the same problems.

We’ve already seen in the fakeout endings before going towards the light that not dealing with the wormhole doesn’t fix anything, not in the long run. And not doing anything for fear of failing isn’t going to change that, just like how Celci putting the ship in cryo doesn’t fix anything--it’s the third ending, but one without a resolution or even a sign that anything can change, like with the reboot endings.

There’s also the whisper we hear after the rush of voices the first time we enter the wormhole, the only words that make it into the subtitles.

A voice telling us, “Don’t give up.”

The narrator of the Lady of the Fountain story tells the person translating the Morse code, the ones searching for answers or some deeper meaning that it all means nothing but “you can’t help yourself, can you? Even if it’s only a one percent chance that something of value is here.”

And I am 100% behind that spite in the face of what feels like everyone and everything telling you to give up, that failure is the only option. And that’s kind of what we see ourselves doing in ISWM, both in and outside the story: trying every single choice possible see if there’s that one chance we can get things right. But there is a downside to this, in that we risk falling into a loop of trying to do the same things over and over again expecting a different result, like when Mark keeps suggesting we jump into the wormhole. Throwing ourselves at the problem again and again doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll get it right.

So new question: is it better to do nothing and leave things like they are, like Celci suggests, or to keep trying even at the risk of failure, if there's even just one percent, or even less than one percent, chance of success?

Or maybe we're still not asking the right question.

Are these really the only two options we have? To stop trying and live in fear of failure, or constantly throwing yourself at the problem in the hopes that maybe this time it will work, no matter how many bodies you leave in your wake?

See, In Space isn’t the first time we can get caught in a loop. Way back in A Date With Markiplier, following the Don’t Pay route and escaping from the Chef leads to an Exit, or at least the EXIT video. A video where you and Mark seemingly walk out into freedom--only for a glitch to appear courtesy of Darkiplier before you’re both back in the cell. Your choices there can lead to you and Mark stuck in that cell, seemingly with no hope of getting out before the murderous Chef returns, Mark getting wasted dying, or right back to the Exit option. It’s only when you wait, when you turn down the offered choice, that another one appears offering MORE? and the True End.

There’s another opportunity to turn down a choice in A Heist. Once again in a prison cell, if you investigate the opening in the wall and think twice about going into the hole currently occupied by a skeleton, you seemingly go back to the second choice provided where Mark digs a way out. Only, things are just slightly different here: a pink fairy instead of blue, a kitten plushie instead of a dog...and a device that takes you a little further back in time than expected, if not out of it completely before we have our interview that is tragically and thankfully cut short.

Sometimes, deviating even just a little bit from the path laid out for you can have unexpected consequences. And sometimes, to get out of a loop, you need to find an exit besides the obvious one.

I think there’s a reason we’ve seen Wilford’s fingerprints all over the place, same as he promised we’d meet him in Part 2. I think that, knowing what we know now about the consequences of our choices, the reboot is going to be about finding a third option, one that breaks the narrative we've found ourselves in. And from the glimpses we’ve seen in the glitches in Dorene’s route of things similar but not quite the same as what we’ve seen before (like with Mark offering the choice between Romance and Horror), or how Mark glitched out into other versions of himself early in ISWM, I think the narrative is going to break hard.

It’s going to feel like we've been here before, that we’ve remembered things that haven't happened yet--which is impossible, of course. Depending on whether anyone else notices, it might even feel like we’re going crazy, or seem to them like we’re not treating these choices seriously enough or caring enough about all the bodies we’re leaving behind us as we start taking a...less than expected approach to the wormhole issue.

But maybe there's a beauty to that: to taking a step back, relaxing, and having some fun.

Life needs a bit of madness, after all.

[howlingday]

Jaune can’t help but find it a bit odd that his girlfriend Winter will only allow him into her panties if he’s cosplaying as Captain America.

The Winter Hero

Jaune Arc was a man of principle. He was raised to be a gentleman; kind, generous, and sensitive to a woman's needs. His mother and sisters groomed him to be the perfect boyfriend for anyone lucky enough to have him.

Chocolate ice cream at 3 AM, even though all the stores are closed? Done before dawn.

Need some guy to stop stalking you? Jaune wasn't a man of violence, but he had his ways to deter creeps.

Need another girl for your sleepover? Not a problem, even though he got a few awkward glances from his sister's friends.

However, almost as soon as he left the nest, his first girlfriend was completely independent. Any offer to help was completely shut down. But this was to be expected from an officer of the Atlas military. Yes, Winter Schnee never made any requests to her boyfriend.

That is, until one Halloween night...

Jaune looked himself over in the mirror at his costume. His blue spandex bodysuit was slim, if not constricting. It featured a white letter "A" on his forehead with a pair of wings just behind his temples, a star in the center of his chest, and a design of red and white stripes over his abdominals and circling around the back. He looked down to the flat, metal disk shield that weighed about thirty pounds. Not all too heavy for him, but it still weighs down over time. Yes, he was the hero of life and liberty, Captain America!

He sighed and shook his head as he looked over his ridiculous outfit. When he asked about their plans for Halloween, Winter explained she already ordered his and that she intended to go to a costume party with him. He knew better than to question it, but did it have to be this superhero?

Jaune has read his fair share of comics, and when asked who his was, he would answer Batman. Unfortunately for him, though, Winter was a Marvel fan, so his favorite superhero would have to stick to the sshadows tonight.

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. Picking up the shield, he walked over to the door and opened it. The sight in front of him almost made him drop his shield.

On the other side of his apartment door stood a beautiful woman with snow white hair, cascading down over her shoulders like an avalanche. She wore a silver body-suit, reminiscent of the ones worn by special forces, that hugged all of her curves perfectly. Around her waist was a gray belt designed to look like it had multiple compartments.

"Is there something wrong, Jaune?" He blinked and gave a nervous chuckle. She looked him up and down and smiled. "I see your costume matches the measurements I provided."

"Uh, actually, it feels a little tight." Jaune replied, tugging at his collar. "I can breathe just fine, but-"

"Good." Winter turned around and began walking towards the stairs. "Let's go. It's time for the party."

"Uh, yeah, sure!" Jaune shut the door behind him and followed her. "I like your costume. Who are you supposed to be?" Being a gentleman, Jaune asked, since he was certain it would tie to her interests.

"Silver Sable." Winter replied without looking back. "Russian mercenary. Leader of the Wild Pack. First appearance in 'The Amazing Spider-Man Issue #265'."

"Oh, she sounds... intense." Being a man, Jaune's eyes wandered to her hips, where her ass lightly swayed with every step, leaving nothing to the imagination. His costume felt tighter.

At the party, Jaune struggled to keep his shield up. He had shifted between his arms twice since he started carrying it. He could set it down, but every time he did, Winter would find out. The first time, she lightly chastised him, saying, "I thought you were supposed to be a hero." The second, and last time, she hit harder, telling him, "You're supposed to be a hero. So be one." She knew one of Jaune's dreams was to be a hero, someone who helps others and can be looked up to with pride. He sighed as he looked over the crowd.

The costumes varied, but he recognized everyone as someone from Winter's command. Elm Ederne, a specialist of Atlas' Ace Operatives, was dressed as some kind of monk, she explained, and carried a set of drums on her waist. He thought she was a hippie at first, but was swiftly corrected. Their commanding officer, General James Ironwood, was luckier than Jaune and dressed up as Batman. Jaune was green with envy. Or he was when Councilman candidate Robyn Hill showed up, dressed as Orchid from Killer Instinct. He never played the game, but he recognized the costume from... research.

"Jaune," he looked to his left and saw Winter standing with her arms crossed, "do you want to leave?" Jaune blinked, but before he could say anything, she spoke first. "I know that look on your face. You're bored. If you wish to leave, I won't force you to stay."

"I'm fine," Jaune replied, "I'm just... reading the room." Winter sighed, leaning against the wall next to him. She had an annoyed look on her face. "Are you okay, Winter?"

"I'm fine." She replied without looking at him. Instead, she was looking at the attention Robyn was getting. With a scowl, she huffed under her breath. "Pigs."

"Svin'ya." Winter looked to Jaune, who was wearing a smile on his face. "Svin'ya is pig in Russian."

She chuckled at that, gracing her lips with a smile. Jaune liked making people smile. Well, maybe not make, but help smile. She leaned closer, forcing Jaune to shift his shield to his other arm. She held his arms and sighed. Jaune felt his suit grow even tighter.

"Do you want to leave?" Winter looked up to Jaune. With a smile, she replied.

"Yes."

Winter and Jaune arrived at her apartment door. The walk home was certainly brisk, but made warmer with their body heat combined as they held close on their trip, as well as Jaune holding the shield against the wind. She reached into her belt and clipped open one of the compartments and pulled out her keys. Jaune held the shield behind her, pretending to protect her from some evil or another.

As she opened the door, Jaune stepped away. "Good night, Winter."

Winter turned to face Jaune. "Won't you come in? After all, it's cold outside tonight."

"I'm sure I'll be fine." He replied with a red-cheek and -nose smile.

"At least warm before you go." Winter gestured for him to enter. "I couldn't bear to think of you becoming hypothermic because of me."

"Just another part of being a hero!" Jaune chuckled.

"Actually," Winter said, placing her chin between her index and thumb, "I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but your costume has an interesting feature."

"Feature?" A stray wind blew in, chilling Jaune where he stood. "On second thought, maybe staying a second to warm up wouldn't hurt." He stepped inside, setting his shield down by the coat rack inside. She shut the door behind him.

"I'm glad to see you've come to your senses." She stepped further into the apartment, Jaune following close behind.

He had been here twice, but the size always amazed him. It was at least three times the size of his, and included it's own washer and dryer set. It was only a balcony away from being considered a penthouse. With the click of a button, Winter summoned a fireplace from the darkness.

Following her to the couch, Jaune sat down next to Winter. She leaned closer to him then nuzzled against his chest. She leaned up, kissing him as he leaned down. She prodded tongue past his lips, and upon receiving invitation, grabbed him by the back of his head and pulled him into her. Their breathing became heavy as the two pulled themselves closer to the other, their make-out growing more intense by the second.

Pulling away, Jaune groaned. "Damn."

"Something wrong?"

"This costume's in the way." Jaune tugged at his collar,causing Winter to chuckle.

"No, it isn't." Before he could ask, Winter slipped to her knees, kneeling in front of Jaune's crotch. "I custom-ordered this, you know." She traced her middle finger from the couch up to his groin. "I needed to get," she dug into a flap he never noticed, "your exact," and she pulled down the zipper he never knew, "measurem- Ack!" Winter recoiled as she was slapped by Jaune's dick.

"You okay?" Jaune asked.

"I'm fine," Winter waved him off, "I just... got my measurements wrong." She eyed his penis with a critic's glare. It was larger than the average she suspected, possibly six-and-a-half, if not seven inches in length, with a girth that made making her index and thumb have difficulty meeting. "But I'll adapt."

Before Jaune could say anything, Winter wrapped her lips around Jaune's head, tracing over it with her tongue. He lightly gasped as she pumped his shaft and she moved her head in a rhythm up and down his cock.

"F-Fuck!" Jaune grunted. "I'm gonna-!"

Winter pulled away and pumped with more vigor. With a moan, Jaune came a thin rope onto Winter's costume, a stream of white oozing onto her hands. She turned around, looking back to Jaune.

He squinted for a moment, then took notice of the zipper at the top of her back. He reached forward and pulled down. The costume came splitting in half as he dragged the tab closer to it's destination. As he reached the end, Winter stood up.

"Jaune," he couldn't see, but she looked at him with a sort of predatory gaze, as if he were a breathing meal for her to devour, "do you want to keep going?" With a gulp, he answered.

"Uh, I don't have any condoms."

"No?" She chuckled. "Check your shield." Jaune stood up and walked over to the hat rack where he placed his shield, his now flaccid cock swaying in the air with every step. Felling around, he noticed a hatch near the center, behind the handle. With a click, it opened and he found box of condoms. He couldn't see the brand, but the box felt small. That was fine, though, since he wasn't expecting to burn through ten or so condoms tonight. "Did you find them?" Winter called out.

"Yeah, they were behind the han-duuuuuh..." Jaune's jaw dropped at the sight in front of him. Bathed in firelight, Winter removed her soiled costume and laid back against the couch, her legs spread, her hair wild, and her eyes hungry. She became instantly erect.

"Then come here, my hero."

Winter moaned loudly as Jaune thrusted himself into her from behind. Every movement forward by him drove her further over the edge. This may have been their first time, but Jaune was clearly experienced. Some way, somehow, this man had a lover before her, and they perfected him into the breeding bull slamming into her.

With a grunt, Jaune came into the condom and pulled out. He huffed as he removed the rubber from his semi-stiff staff. Winter whirled around and slurped on his phallus until he was nice and hard again. Once he put the next condom on, she pushed him onto his back, then slipped him inside.

She bounced up and down his rod as she moaned and gasped. Jaune tried to match her pace with his thrusts, but she was moving too fast for him. He panted as she rode him like it was a rodeo. He settled his hand on her hips and took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, she was above him, her hair acting as a white veil to hide themselves from the world. Her mouth split to a predatory grin.

"You like it?" She growled.

"Y-Yeah!" He grunted.

"You like it?" She repeated.

"Yeah!" He whined.

"You want me?" She leaned closer, slowing her pace.

"Y-Yes!" He panted. She leaned next to his ear.

"Then take me."

Jaune flipped Winter onto her back and held her legs above her in a mating press. She screamed as Jaune pounded with greater vigor into her, grunting as he did so.

"Fuck me!" She shrieked as she held her ankles. "Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck meeeeeee!"

With a grunt, Jaune came again, panting hard. He pulled out, pulling the condom out with him. He removed the prophylactic the his cock, setting it down next to it's seven siblings.

Eight condoms. The couple's box held eight condoms. With eight used condoms, Jaune sighed as the night's activities drew to a close.

SHUP!

Jaune looked down to see Winter bobbing her head up and down his shaft again. He groaned and pulled her off. With a sigh, he told the truth. "I can't anymore."

"No?" She tilted her head to the side.

"No." He stepped away and gestured to the condoms. "We went through a whole box, it's only a few hours until dawn, and I... I don't think I can do it again."

"I see." She said looking down. She almost looked sad.

"It's nothing against you, but I don't think I can do a round nine like this, condom or no condom."

"Like this?" She tugged on his bodysuit, now soaked in sweat and, in the lower region, genital fluids. "With the suit?"

"Yeah."

"Well, in that case," she reached behind Jaune and pulled down his back zipper, "here." She tugged on his sleeves and helped him out, peeling the it free from his skin. He shivered as the cold air rolled over his bare skin for the first time all night. She stepped free of the suit and sat down.

"That's much better." Winter was about to walk away, but felt him grab her hand. "We're not gonna cuddle?"

She smiled and sat down next to him. They embraced for a moment, then felt him pull her down, so they were laying on the couch. His body felt hot; clearly from the body heat trapped by his suit.

Winter closed her eyes, momentarily thinking about fucking her favorite superhero, Captain America, until she slipped into her dream where she was held in the loving embrace of her hero, Jaune Arc.

[noisyquokka]

For Charity ~ Streamer!Eric

pairing: Eric x gn!Reader (Ft. Sunwoo & SKZ Felix)

genre: just some comedic fluff my dudes

length: 3.4k

warnings: N/A

Gist ~ Taking care of a very stubborn Eric after coming home to find him streaming for hours without any food. And clowning on his gaming skills~ but it's all for a good cause!

A/N: Howdy, friends. It's been a -- hot second 🥴 -- since I've last posted, but here I am with a random one-shot that I had started months ago. I felt like now was the perfect time to post it in honor of one of my favorite boy's birthdays, and while we're at it, maybe actually doing some good this holiday with some charity!

I'm talking about✨Thankmas 2021!✨ You can find out more by clicking the link, but this year is focused on raising money to build houses for those in less fortunate situations. I'm pretty sure donations are accepted up until the New Year so if you can give even a dollar or two, it would help out those less fortunate. Charity is something very close to my heart and I always love being a part of something as big as Thankmas was this year. Anywho, that's enough from me, I think. I proofread this at 3am so apologies if there's still a few errors /.\

____________________________________________

When you came home from running errands, the last thing you expected to walk in on were the sounds of a defeated man.

You set the bags down on the kitchen counter, glancing around the apartment. It was clear nothing had been cooked since you left with no evidence of dirtied dishes anywhere.

"Eric?"

No response. Well, unless frustrated groans were considered a response. You sighed, glancing down the hallway.

Eric had told you he was gonna be partaking in a charity stream with friends today which was the reason for your going out. You'd had some things to get done but you also didn't want to be in the way. What he didn't mention was what genre of games he'd be playing. All you knew was he usually enjoyed himself. Today was an exception.

"Dude, that's a dead-end," Felix said, watching Eric's character fall off the platform for the umpteenth time.

"Yeah, thanks, Captain Obvious." Eric's jaw tensed, trying his best to focus on the game and not his friend's laughter. "These controls suck!"

"No, you just suck at the game." Sunwoo quipped.

"I don't suck at the game, I'm just getting used to the controls."

That was a lie. They'd been playing this game for roughly an hour and Eric had gotten considerably worse at the game. No one genuinely complained, only teased. After all, him dying to his own stupidity was pretty good content which, in turn, garnered donations. It's safe to say everyone but Eric was having fun...

"Jesus, am I gonna have to carry both of you through this entire game?"

"What do you mean carry both of us!?" Sunwoo chastised, pressing the jump button to kill his teammate. Felix's suffering wasn't enough to satisfy Eric, who could be heard mashing keys through the mic. Hysterical laughter ensued at the sight of his character jumping off the platform and Eric groaned, throwing his hands in the air.

"I don't know how to play this game!!"

He was so infatuated with trying to beat the level that he didn't hear the door creak open. You leaned against the door jam for a moment, taking in the scene before you. It was clear Eric was in a lazy mood today, evident by the sweats and hoodie he donned since the morning. You quietly padded across the floor, stopping behind your boyfriend's chair. If he hadn't been so focused on the game, Eric would've probably noticed the comments in the chat that signaled your presence. Your fingers found the band of his headphones, sliding them off of his head. He turned his attention to you, the harsh glare on his face softening slightly once he saw you. That didn't go unnoticed by you, however.

"Jesus, what's got you in a tizzy?" You questioned, stepping back with wide eyes. A quick glance at the computer monitor and you recognized the platforming game instantly. "Ohhh, Bloody Trapland?! I love that game!" Eric turned his head back to the monitor with a frown.

"You've played this game? It's actually hell incarnate, I can't get the controls to work right!" He said, frustration clear in his voice. You raised a brow, gesturing for him to scoot over. Instead, he rolled his computer chair back and patted his lap. You sat down, fingers finding the keys on the keyboard to control the tiny pink character that Eric had picked. With a glance at the second monitor, you noticed the Discord call up, Felix and Sunwoo's names on the screen.

"Hey, Lix... Woo..." You said into the mic, hearing both of them greet you through the headphones hanging from your boyfriend's neck. At that, Eric turned the volume up on the headset, loud enough that both of you could hear.

"Finally, some good fucking gameplay!" Felix said, watching as you jumped and dashed across a cavern of lava.

"Dude, shut up! That was a lucky shot." Eric muttered, wrapping an arm around your waist. His eyes focused on the chat comments and donations coming in, smirking at his fans who were clowning on his bad gaming excuses.

"Hah, lucky shot? Says the one who couldn't finish one level!"

"Wait, what?"

Well, that got your attention. Eric? Your video game-loving boyfriend who was good at almost every game he's ever played!? Unable to finish one level in Bloody Trapland? That sounded nothing like him.

"This game has bad controls." He said, keeping himself busy with the audience's comments. You scoffed, getting the character to the end of the level.

"Babe, we've both seen our fair share of bad controls! If I could play this at ten years old, no problem, then you can play it at twenty!" You muttered, really starting to focus on the game. "Besides that, aren't you like... a professional gamer or whatever?"

Eric rolled his eyes at the sound of the guys praising your trash talk. You turned your attention to him, chuckling at the look he gave you. He felt purely defeated with this game. He sighed, adjusting you on his lap so he could try the next level.

"That's a real low blow, babe... Of course, you could beat it! If you played it as a kid you'd remember some of the mechanics of the game." He tried to sound casual about his jab but you heard the whiny undertone in his voice.

"Aww, baby!" You cooed, cupping the side of his face. "At least your bad gameplay makes up for all the donations coming in. Your rage is all for a good cause." He frowned at your hand that patted his cheek, hearing his friends still cackling in the background.

"I have to say, dude." Felix breathed out, trying to calm his laughter. "It sounds like you're just making excuses."

"I'm not!" Eric groaned, jaw tensing as his character once again dove face-first into the lava. He felt purely defeated, watching his friend's characters jumping around on the platforms at the other side of the level. It was as if those pixelated little shits were mocking him.

"Alright, alright," You chuckled, pulling Eric's hands away from the keyboard. "As entertaining as this might be, let's take a second to compose ourselves for Eric's sake."

You could tell he was trying not to show his full frustration on stream. He wasn't exactly a rage gamer type of guy. But right now, he was tense. You'd never seen Eric rage. Maybe only in a joking sense, but never seriously. You sure didn't feel like witnessing it right now. You also weren't sure if he heard you, watching him place his fingers back on the controls. Your hands found his again, pulling them towards you.

"Hang on a sec, babe. Take a breath." You said, lacing your fingers with his in an attempt to calm him. This time, he did as you asked, taking some time to calm his nerves as best as he could. After a few moments, his fingers found which keys he needed on the keyboard, pressing down to bring the small character to life once again. You knew Eric could get through one level. Sure, the levels were a bit challenging but it was nothing he couldn't handle! You watched as he managed to wall-jump up the cavern and panic dash to not die from a ball of lava. At this, you threw your arms up in celebration, wrapping them around your boyfriend's neck.

"See! You did it ba-"

You were so close to finishing your praise. So close to giving him the biggest smooch on the cheek. But Eric's suffering wasn't over yet, according to Sunwoo. You glanced at the screen as soon as you heard the laughter from Discord, both boys losing their goddamn minds. Then your eyes glanced at the main monitor; the reason for the hysteria. Eric's character was no longer in the spot he'd managed to get to. Instead, Sunwoo's blue character stood in his place, surrounded by the pixelated blood of his teammate. Your smile fell.

"I might kill..." Eric muttered, leaning back in his computer chair. "Guys, I-I might kill."

"Alright, you know what, you've been streaming for..." You squinted at the screen, "fucking hell, 5 hours!? And you haven't eaten?"

"How'd you know?"

"The lack of dirty dishes in the kitchen."

Eric stayed silent. He had to admit, he was hungry! The mere thought of food had his stomach grumbling but he wasn't very worried about that right now, focusing back on the game. You couldn't allow that, however, grabbing his hands and sliding off his lap.

"Nooo, baby, hang on!" Eric whined, trying to unlatch your fingers from his. You hummed in disapproval, taking the headset from around his neck.

"You need to eat, Er. You haven't eaten all day." You said, trying your best to usher him out of his chair. "I'm sure the boys can keep the stream going until you come back!"

"Y/N's right, bro. Go eat, you gotta stay sharp for the rest of the stream!" Felix said, finishing the level they were on. Eric sighed, closing the game hesitantly.

"Fine, but I'll be back to kick some ass!" He said, both of you waving to his audience before he set up his highlight reel for the next fifteen minutes. You reached for his arm, pulling him towards the kitchen.

It didn't take long to figure out what to eat, Eric insisting on something quick and simple. You rolled your eyes but shoved a couple of microwavable dinners in, grabbing two sodas from the fridge.

"Hey babe, check this out," Eric said, sliding his phone across the table. You picked it up, recognizing the social media app as Twitter. He'd pulled up his notifications, all of them recent. Your eyes scanned each one, noticing a pattern; you were mentioned in a good handful of them. You tapped the first mention that caught your eye, reading the message to yourself.

"So Y/N just broke into Eric's stream to teach him how to play Bloody Trapland and get him to eat and my week has been made!"

You chuckled, scrolling through more wholesome responses.

"Just wanna say a big thank you to Eric's S/O for taking care of him! We all know he deserves a break sometimes."

"Y/N and Eric need to do more streams together cause they're so freakin' adorable!"

"Everyone say thank you Y/N for taking good care of our gamer boy!"

You couldn't help the infectious smile that spread on your face. Eric's fans were always so supportive of him, including his relationship with you. He interrupted your scrolling, setting your food down in front of you.

"Okay," He took his phone from your hand, ignoring your protest, "Time to eat!"

You scoffed but grabbed your utensils, mixing up the microwave dinner well before digging in. A comfortable silence took over the space for a minute or so until you spoke up.

"The fans are right, you know," You shot Eric a teasing grin, blowing on your food carefully. He rolled his eyes at your comment, taking a swig of his soda.

"And what exactly are they right about, my dear?"

You chuckled at his term of endearment, noting the mocking tone laced in his voice. It was obvious he was still a little butthurt about his gaming skills, especially the fact that you were playing better than he was. You shifted your gaze back to your love, a smile gracing your lips.

"You do deserve a break. And before you cut me off-" You said, quirking a brow his way because you knew that he was about to do just that. "-and say you'll be off all week, I'd like to reiterate that you deserve a break, not just around your birthday and the Holidays."

Eric sighed, shaking his head at you. You knew him too well. He loved what he did, of course, but he realized that sometimes he didn't take care of himself as well as he could. It seemed as if it was a part of the streamer lifestyle; you just keep going and never stop and settle down. He was more than thankful to have you around on days like today. You kept him grounded and stable to the 'here and now'. Even though he couldn't always admit it, Eric needed that. He needed you.

You brought him out of his thoughts when you reached for his hand, lacing your fingers with his. There it was; that warm and fuzzy feeling that he got whenever he found your gaze. And that smile. Oh, that smile of yours! Eric swore it was his kryptonite, the one thing that could bring him to his knees. And-

"Eat up, you dork! You'll have all the time in the world to admire me later." You laughed, tapping him on the hand before you got up to rinse out your bowl. Eric couldn't help but chuckle to himself. Did he really just lose himself in his thoughts twice?

He quickly finished up his dinner, sliding out of his seat and placing his own bowl in the sink. It had been almost twenty minutes since he left his stream, but he wanted to properly thank you first. You had made your way further into the apartment while Eric was busy, although there weren't too many places you could have gone. When he stepped into your shared bedroom, he expected you to be laying in bed with a book as you normally would have been in the early evening. However, you were nowhere to be seen. He tried your office next, but again, no sign of you. A sigh left him, wondering where in the world you could have been. Until...

"Ah, Crap!"

Eric heard that. His brows knitted together, turning out of your office doorway to glance down the hallway of the apartment. He was as quiet as a cat, stalking down the hall with slow steps, eyes narrowed in a mischievous manner as he came up to his recording room door. Quietly, he turned the doorknob, pushing it open slowly to peek through the crack.

"Really?!"

You jumped in the computer chair, turning to the doorway where your boyfriend stood leaning against the doorframe. His lips curled into an amused smirk, arms crossed over his chest like a father finding their kids sneaking around for Christmas presents.

"What, you thought you could steal the love and adoration from my fans?" He asked, walking up to his desk. You laughed at his pettiness, feeling his arms lift you from the chair so he could sit down himself, resting you back on his lap.

"It wouldn't be too hard if you keep playing this game!" You joked, finishing the ninth level for the team. Felix and Sunwoo could be heard chuckling in the background once again, and Eric rolled his eyes. Enough was enough, he had to shut you three up now.

"Now that I've eaten, I'd like to think that my gaming skills are back to normal, thank you very much!" He said matter-of-factly, grasping your fingers in the same manner as you had done to him earlier that evening. You turned to the now confident-looking boy, shooting him a challenging grin.

"Alright, then." You gestured to the keyboard before you, settling your hands in your lap, "Go ahead, Mr. Gamer Boy! Let's see if you're as good as you insist you are."

Eric chuckled, knowing your words were all in good fun. He found the right keys, waiting for Felix to load the next level.

"Maybe we should go back to a lower level?" Felix asked, mockery laced in his tone.

"Oh, shut up and go to the next level, dude!"

The three of you laughed in unison, earning a scowl from Eric. He'd never hear the end of this if he didn't manage to clear a level, so there he was, hyperfocused on his dashes and jumps and timing everything so he could get to the opposite side of the sandy level. Of course, there were a few mistakes here, a few mishaps there, but overall he managed. He noticed how you tried and failed a few times to distract him, whether it was subtle jabs and pokes into his side or a hand on his forearm. None of that worked though, as he was too focused on the task at hand.

"If you manage to get over here, I won't spare you." Sunwoo quipped as Eric's pink character got closer to the end platform.

"When I manage to get over there, I'm gonna use your dumb blue face to finish the level!"

You chuckled at Eric's confidence, watching as he dashed across the sandy void and landed even closer to his streamer fiend. Sunwoo scoffed through the discord call, and even though you couldn't see him, you could tell he was wearing that familiar teasing grin on his face.

"Well then, wise guy. Come and get m-"

It was then that the pixels exploded, what was once a blue little character was red splatters all over the dry desert platform. Replaced by none other than the pink little character that Eric had chosen, quickly scurrying to the left of the screen to finish the level. You couldn't stop the smile that spread on your face at the sound of Eric's celebratory cackle. His hands fisted the air as he laid back in his chair, eyes closed in bliss from finally beating a level. Finally!

"God, it took you long enough!" Felix chuckled, waiting for the game to load back to the level select screen.

"I can still kill you, y'know." Eric sing-songed, and as you turned to him, you saw the content smile on his face. Felix sighed in mock relief.

"Oh, if it'll get me out of this perpetual hell faster, please!"

"Alright, you two! Simmer down!" You laughed, taking control of the character once again. "Eric, are you gonna play?"

"Honestly, I never wanna touch this game again! I might implode on myself." He muttered, inviting you and the boys to laugh at his dramatics. Real classy, you thought. His arms wrapped around your torso as you focused on the game, leaping and wall jumping to your success.

"You beat one level! That's not very Gamer Boy of you, babe!" You teased. He rested his chin on your shoulder, shrugging slightly.

"I enjoy watching you play more, and I think chat does too." He said, eyeing the chat going crazy over the commentary between not only Eric and his friends, but you two as well. "Plus, the donos aren't doing too bad! We're almost up to 30K."

"Damn, I think it's all Y/N's natural talent oozing through the stream." Sunwoo quipped, trying his best to focus on the game, "There's no way Eric's gameplay is bringing in that much money-- Hey!"

"I'm sorry, bro, you were in the way!" You laughed, dashing under a boulder. "But please, continue about how naturally talented I am!"

Chaos ensued once again, laughter mixing through the discord call as the three of you played while Eric watched intently. And more chaos ensued as the little characters did their best to not perish from saws or boulders. Or their God's stupidity, because all of you were just mashing keys to get to your collective destinations.

"Honestly, Y/N, why don't you start streaming yourself?" Felix asked. Your eyes widened at that. You? Streaming? You hadn't really thought of it.

"That could be a lot of fun, honestly!" Sunwoo added. You heard Eric chuckle behind you.

"The only reason you say that is because you know they'll carry your sorry ass in any game!"

"No!" Sunwoo's tone gave him away and you laughed, shaking your head.

"I guess I could think about it. Eric would have to give me a few tips since I'm not a professional streamer like the rest of you." You smirked, trying to focus on the game whilst catching the response from chat on the other monitor.

'Ok, but actually-'

'MORE Y/N! MORE Y/N 🥺🥺🥺'

'If there aren't couples streams, I'll perish!'

It seemed as though most of Eric's chat was hellbent on the both of you streaming together. Even if it meant just you two streaming on his channel more, it brought a smile to your face.

"Chat seems interested." You heard Eric's amused tone behind you, his arms tightening around you. You hummed in response, still focused on completing the level to move onto the next world.

"Well, we'll just have to see what transpires!"

_______________________________________________

Kinda left this open for a Part 2 👀 Lemme know what y'all think and I may do a Part 2 although let's be honest, I'll most likely do it anyways