#my entire life I’ve known that I want to have a creative career in the future

[valewritessss]

You know what pisses me off? Being an art and literature girly with a science and math friend who thinks she’s superior because of it

[the-earnest-gemini]

(ALMOST) GIVING UP COFFEE, LIVING CLOSER TO FRIENDS & LIFE POST-TEACHING

SUMMER 2024 NEWSLETTER

I frequently tell the story of the time that I drank an entire pot of coffee on my own, but I’ll tell it again. Early on in the pandemic, when we were all still doing virtual school and meetings, I had taken to brewing my morning cup of coffee at my work desk. Typically, I would drink it throughout the day, but rarely finished the pot on my own, if I even bothered brewing a full pot at all. I was taking a class that made me so nervous that I wanted to crawl out of my skin, and this day in particular, I had chosen to busy my hands by sipping on coffee for the duration of the meeting. By the end of the 90 minutes, I’d consumed the whole pot and proceeded to stay awake for almost 48 hours straight. I felt so sick to my stomach that I kept praying I would get sick- anything to get it out of my system, but I didn’t. I swore I would never drink coffee again, but of course, I did, and a few short months later I was back to my regularly scheduled levels of caffeine dependence. 

Recently, I’ve made the decision to quit coffee…sort of. It’s been a slow process, first cutting it down to two cups a day, then one (I thought I was going to die), and over the last couple of months I’ve made the decision to swap my coffee for green tea- with the exception of one, blessed, day of the week where my 4 a.m shift allows me to indulge in one, singular, delicious, cup of black coffee. I was a coffee drinker based on principle and function alone- what can I drink that’s going to wake me up and give me the zoomies in order to power through whatever I’m doing? It was never about the taste or how fancy it is, although I have been known to enjoy a fancy cup of coffee from time to time. Even still, I loved gas station coffee and soy peppermint mochas equally, and I didn’t think I would ever give it up. Even less did I expect to become the type of person who wakes up extra early in the morning to put a kettle on and whisk my matcha powder in a bowl before topping it off with crushed ice and oat milk- I think I even made a joke about it less than a year ago. But here I am, regardless. This, amongst other things, is one of the changes that occurred in my life since deciding to live a more intentional, slow-paced life following my career change. Since slowing down, I’ve become so much more in tune with my body, emotions, and feeling physical sensation.  It didn’t take long for me to realize that drinking so much coffee was actually making me sick, flaring up certain symptoms and undoubtedly contributing to my spiked cortisol levels, and so, begrudgingly, did I make the switch. 

Plenty of other things have changed since I decided to leave my job as a public school teacher. I realized just how much of my identity was wrapped up in the “what do I do” portion of my life. Very little of my identity was shaped by who I was as a person, what I valued, and the things I cared about. So much of my identity was about my relationships, the ability to provide for others, and how highly I could achieve while doing so. Unsurprisingly, when these things ceased to function in the same way they used to, certain relationships ended, and my life took turn after turn, I found out, very quickly, that I had no idea who I was at all. The last few years have been a series of tearing down, rebuilding, and learning. I’ve done more reading and writing than I have in several years, and have become increasingly in touch with a creative part of myself that I’d sworn off during my Undergraduate degree; the same creativity that as a teacher was met with, “but why?” – I digress. 

A value that I’ve uncovered surprisingly recently is having good people in my orbit- old friends, new friends- people who are interested in investing into our relationship; people who I am able to be comfortable around and feel fully like myself (a whole separate practice I could write essay on essay about). I recently took a trip to visit some of my oldest friends in Denver and it hit me like a ton of bricks: this is what community feels like, this is what “feeling known” is. That trip, and a previous visit I’d taken to see some friends from school, have been really enlightening for me. As a result I’ve made it a priority to try and keep touch with these people as much as possible, as well as to continue to explore the new relationships I’ve created more recently. It’s interesting for me, I suppose, to gain the perspective of how many of my previous relationships were built on proximity or professionalism. I wonder frequently how many people in my life really “knew me” or were interested in me, and how many of them were just interested in the things that I could do- more specifically, the things I could do for them. I have very little interest in relationships built on anything other than genuine connection these days, as hard work as it is to create a connection based on that. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that curiosity and honesty seems to go a long way in doing so. Now, to convince some of my friends to move closer to me… then, I would be completely satisfied. 

In other news, I’ve been making a lot of zines recently and spending some time recording things and learning how to mix and master tracks. Many of these projects are private and will continue to stay that way, especially because much of it is incredibly slow work, but I’ve placed a few things down below that I feel proud of and comfortable enough to share. I’ve been watching tons of Studio Ghibli films, taking pictures, and potting plants. I’m learning about peat-free soil blends and propagating like a fiend these days to prepare for an event I’m doing in September. I start my grad work here in a few days. Though it feels slow, sometimes I think I can feel the gears turning. Occasionally, I feel like there is some sense of direction in my life, though for the most part it feels like wandering, aimlessly. Maybe that’s okay. 

For now, 

Emma 

[thislovintime]

Peter Tork; photos by Nurit Wilde.

“Tork in the late 1960’s” - Nurit Wilde, Instagram, June 19, 2021

“I’m free, I don’t know what I’ll be doing. I’m actually a little apprehensive, because there’s no doubt that there are three other incredibly talented fellows out there. They’re very talented guys. Mike is one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. Micky is even funnier and Davy is just cute as a button. Who could ask for anything more? Davy dances so great, did you see him dance in the film? I’ve not seen dancing like that on the screen except from Fred Astaire. The only other thing is that I’m both really relieved and really, really apprehensive. I’m terribly glad and also terribly sad.” - Peter Tork, NME, January 25, 1969

"[Tork] says The Peter Tork Project plays music ‘sort of on the heavy end’ of album-oriented rock radio. ‘We’re not heavy metal per say, but we’re just on the pop side of that,’ adds the affable performer. The band, formed in January with Scott Avitabile on guitar, Jerry Renino on bass and Derek Lord at the drums, is one of several ensembles with which Tork has performed since leaving The Monkees. [In the early 1970s, Peter was a member of the] San Francisco-based rock band named [Osceola]. ‘That was a name full of significance,’ he said. ‘[Osceola] was chief of the Seminoles, the only tribe never to have surrendered to the federal government.’ Tork said he identifies strongly with that kind of defiance. ‘All of my early life was spent feeling out of whack. Physically I matured late and never was very athletic and always found myself on the short end of the stick. I was raised in a liberal family in the middle of the McCarthy era.’ Against those odds, Tork inevitably developed an inferiority complex that he carried into adulthood and his musical career. When he became one of four young men chosen out of 437 applicants to become what were supposed to be the ‘American Beatles,’ his self-doubt grew to mammoth proportions. ‘Half of the time I would think I didn’t deserve it and the other half I would think I was God’s gift to the children. I got my head turned around. It was the “arrogant doormat” syndrome low self-esteem combined with arrogance.’ [...] Tork recalls now that he wanted things done his way, but wasn’t willing to put his effort where his mouth was. His subsequent attempts at a career of his own were consistent failures, and for a while in the mid-’70s he joined his wife in the teaching profession, instructing a variety of classes in private high schools. That career was shortlived. [More about Peter’s time teaching here and here.] ‘Not that I didn’t enjoy teaching, but there’s no money in it. It’s a tragic comment on social priorities, but there it is.’ Tork expresses fervent enthusiasm for his new group [...]. As for his old bandmates, with whom he enjoyed superstardom for such a short time so many years ago, Tork says he stays in touch. Assessing his relationships with each one, Tork favored the diminutive, British-born Davy Jones ‘because he could see things the others couldn’t. Occasionally he was able to reach down into the depths.’ Drummer [Micky] Dolenz, who gained childhood fame as TV’s ‘Circus Boy,’ was ‘a whole lot more fun’ to be around than the other Monkees. Nesmith, considered the most creative of the four, was the most ‘respectable, in the sense that he did his work and had a sense of his own work ethic.’” - The Daily Oklahoman, November 7, 1983

"To tell you truth… I… I never was able in those days [the '60s] particularly — I’m getting better at it these days — but in those days I was almost entirely unable to fight for what I saw as quality. If I didn’t get somebody fighting on my behalf then it didn’t, just didn’t come to pass." - Peter Tork, Headquarters radio, September 1989 (read more here)

"I had pathological self value. I really didn’t have a sense of it at all. I didn’t get why. I thought I had been picked almost at random. I didn’t have any sense of myself bringing anything except that character to the Monkees. What I thought they hired me for was that character, and I think to this day that that had a lot to do with it. I didn’t recognize how that sprung forth from whom who I really am. I thought I was faking them out. I thought I was handing them a lie and they were buying the lie — and so how could I value myself? Any time you compliment somebody and they can’t take the compliment, what they’re saying to you is, ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’ That’s the message that anybody with low self-esteem gives back when somebody compliments them. Which is where I was. All that played into this fame thing. 
And it plays backwards, too. The reason that I got into the fame game was because I didn’t have any sense of value. I thought, ‘Jeez, if I can get the millions to love me then I’ll be all right.’ I got the millions to love me — and it still wasn’t all right. What a surprise. Ha, ha, ha.” - Peter Tork, Toxic Fame: Celebrities Speak on Stardom (1996) (x)

[fredseibertdotcom]

Michael Cuscuna, photograph by Jimmy Katz

Michael Cuscuna

Michael Cuscuna, one of my great inspirations and sometime collaborator, passed away this weekend (April 19, 2024) from cancer. Being a cancer survivor  last year myself, when someone I’ve known and worked with for over 50 years it hit particularly hard.

Blue Cuscuna: 1999 promotional sampler from Toshiba-EMI [Japan]

Michael has been the most consequential jazz record producer of the past half century, a man who had not only a passion, but the relentlessness necessary to will the entire history of the music into being. Don’t believe it? Check out the more than 2600 (!) of his credits on Discogs. Substantial and meaningful he might have been, but to me, he was a slightly older friend who was always there with a helping hand. Hopefully, I was able to hand something back on occasion. 

As I said when he answered “7 Questions” eight years ago: “I first encountered Michael as a college listener to his “freeform,” major station, radio show in New York, and was fanboy’d out when a mutual friend introduced us at [an] open rehearsal for [Carla Bley’s and Michael Mantler’s] Jazz Composer’s Orchestra at The Public Theater (MC has a photographic memory: “It was Roswell [Rudd]’s piece or Grachan [Moncur III]’s. You were darting nervously around the chairs with your uniform of the time – denim jean jacket, forgettable shirt and jeans.”) By 1972 or 73, he’d joined Atlantic Records as a producer, and since that was my career aspiration, I’d give him a call every once in awhile. He’d patiently always make time for my rambling and inane questions, and I never forgot his kindness to a drifting, unfocused, fellow traveler. 

“...patiently always make time for my rambling and inane questions...” says a lot about Michael. His raspy voice could sometimes seem brusque, but ask anyone and they will tell you that he always made time to talk. Especially about jazz. 

I desperately wanted to be a record producer and Michael was one of the first professionals I encountered. He had already produced my favorite Bonnie Raitt LP when somehow or other I bullied my way into his Atlantic Records office, where he was a mentee of the legendary Joel Dorn. Over the next few years, Michael was often amused at some of the creative decisions I made, but he was always supportive and even would sometimes ask me to make a gig when he couldn’t. When I spent a year living in LA, he invited me over to the studio while he was mining the history of Blue Note Records that would define his life for the next half century. I completely failed to understand what the great service to American culture he was about to unleash. Along with Blue Note executive Charlie Lourie, Michael’s research resulted in a series of double albums (”two-fers” in 70s speak), but little did the world know what was on Michael’s and Charlie’s minds.

The Cuscuna/Lourie Blue Note “Two-Fers” that ignited Mosaic Records

“I don’t think it’s generally understood just how imperiled the musical and visual archives of Blue Note Records were at one point, and just how heroically Michael stepped in to make sure this unparalleled American music survived for future generations. If you like jazz, you owe the man.” –Evan Haga 

(Joe Maita does a great interview about Michael's career here.) 

Fast forward a few years. The air went out of my record producing tires, I became the first creative director of MTV, I quit MTV and along with my partner Alan Goodman started the world’s first media “branding” agency. Leafing through DownBeat one day I saw an ad that started a new relationship with Michael that would last, on one level or another, for the rest of his life: the “mail order” jazz reissue label Mosaic Records. 

Charlie Lourie & Michael Cuscuna at Mt. Fuji Jazz Festival, Japan 1987. Photograph by Gary Vercelli / CapRadio Music

Long story short, in 1982 Michael returned my check for the first two Mosaic  releases with a note asking for some help. Initially, Mosaic wasn’t the sure fire, instant success Michael and Charlie had hoped for, did I have any ideas? I did, but no time to do anything other than make suggestions, we were busy trying to get our own shop off the ground. This cycle repeated itself for another couple of years when this time when Michael called he said Mosaic was on death’s door. Fred/Alan was in better shape, so Alan and I, on our summer vacation, came up with the first Mosaic “brochure,” convinced the guys we knew what we were doing (I’d read a few paragraphs in a direct mail book in a bookstore) and, with nothing to lose, Charlie and Michael took the plunge with us. Success! 42 years later, the former Fred/Alan and Frederator CFO at the helm, Alan and I always answer any call from Mosaic.

The first Mosaic Record box set 1983

There aren’t many people in the world like Michael Cuscuna. The world’s culture will miss him. I will miss him. Most of all, of course, his wife and children will miss him. 

[missrosemaris-stuff]

Hey guys. This’ll be a bit of a long one (I didn’t realize how long it was until I had gone back and added to it lol/lh). Around December of last year, outside of Tumblr, I mentioned to mutuals and friends that I’ll be taking a break from posting and chatting for a while. I never mentioned it here, so I figured I would.

Odds are it will be a multiple month long break. Not sure what that means. It could mean 2 months, it could mean 8. I have no clue, but as I’m moving into my final years of school (nearing my Senior year) and into college and career planning/paths, I just don’t have time for posting and stuff on social media much, not to mention it affects my mental health terribly.

My anxiety relating to the internet, chatting with people online, and everything, really, has gotten significantly worse. It’s interfering with my daily life and function. Which, really, you’d expect anxiety to go down while taking a break from the monster the internet can be, but with outside sources of stress piling on, the thought of posting and talking to people again feels less like the monster under my bed and more like an actual danger to my health and how I function as a whole. I think about it so often, even when away, that it’s swallowing me whole, and I’ve got to stop it.

Ultimately, I’ve got to focus on life, school, and my health, and making a declaration for myself that I can and will do that seems like it would help me leave (at least some of) that anxiety, stress, and pressure to be online behind. I’ll only continue posting to AO3, as I do want to continue my creative works there, and writing has just had such a great positive impact on me so far (I suppose it’s because AO3’s not really intended to be a social media platform as much as it’s just an archive of works, even though, of course, there’s an aspect of talking to others on there. All in all, I’m far less stressed there).

Overall, I’m not entirely sure if I’ll continue my works here for the time being, and really, I have no clue, currently, if that will be a permanent decision in the long run, but if I ever decide to stop posting here entirely, I will let it be known.

All of this is to say that even though my break may last quite long, I value you guys dearly. Thank you for supporting my creative journeys! It’s such a blessing to have you guys enjoying what I’ve made. God has blessed me with the relationships and wonderful times I’ve had here and the ability to grow and become a better person through new friends and opportunities. I plan on taking my creative journey somewhere else in the future, though it’s possible it will not be here.

And to my mutuals, thank you guys so much for your patience and understanding you’ve given me during my break so far. It means more than you could know, and I hope to talk to you guys again in the future, whenever that may be. So again, thank you for your patience, and thank you to those who have supported my creative journeys.

[pokemon-researcher-cross]

Hello back from Johto! I've been reading your fixings of the Dex entries, and I have to say keep it up! I also wanted to ask if you've done much research into the Gastly line? They are my favorite Pokémon, and often horribly misunderstood. The Alolan dex entries for Gengar especially don't help this, as they lead into the stereotype that Gengar and its pre-evolutions are entirely malicious ghosts. I wanted to ask for your opinion on the matter! I hope you have a lovely day.

Hello! It’s good to hear from a fellow Johtonian! And a ghost-type enthusiast at that!

The Gastly line, poor things, are victims of the rumor mill to an extent I rarely encounter. Most of the data in the Pokédex is based on circumstantial evidence, hearsay, and old wives tales. I’m glad you brought this up because these Poison/Ghost Pokémon deserve some accurate publicity.

Gengar are very unique Pokémon. They mate for life, and have very tightly knit family units that all fulfill roles in keeping the pack healthy, safe, and fed. Usually these family units consist of 5-7 Pokémon, but it’s not unheard of for these groups to be larger or smaller. Usually, the leader of the group is a Haunter or Gengar, who is responsible for organizing and protecting the pack. All of the “evil” behaviors that Gengar and it’s pre-evolutions exhibit are simply erroneous interpretations of Gengar’s pack-managing behaviors.

For example, Gengar are known to play pranks on people and Pokémon alike. Stealing Items, hiding in shadows, stealing heat, taking food, etc…

These are all socialization and child-raising techniques for young Gastly! Hiding food and objects is an enrichment activity for Gastly. It encourages them to use their senses to find hidden things and hone navigation and motor skills (it’s true that Gastly often struggle to move properly, especially in high winds)! Stealing heat to give to young Gastly is another parental behavior. Heat allows gas to expand as the particles move faster and get further apart. Since Gastly are over 95% gas, they need heat to help them grow stronger and larger! Hiding in shadows is again, a technique to allow Gastly to move about with less danger of being blown off-course by wind, or being attacked by other nocturnal pokemon (specifically Ghost and Dark types, both of which pose a threat to these Pokémon).

Before moving on to the explanation of curses and ‘life-force-stealing’ I need to address Haunter. Haunter’s current Pokédex entries are some of the most biased and inaccurate I’ve seen in my career, and I’ve submitted multiple appeals to various regional Dex committees about getting the inaccuracies removed.

“If you get the feeling of being watched in darkness when nobody is around, Haunter is there.”

“Because of its ability to slip through block walls, it is said to be from another dimension.”

“If you trip and fall for no apparent reason or hear a sound when no one is around, it may be a Haunter.”

“According to rumor, victims of a Haunter's lick will wither to death day by day.”

Please notice how all of these entries are baseless claims, purely conjecture and rumor with no supporting evidence, no testing, and no citations. I have personally worked with (and been licked by!) a Haunter and I am still alive and well.

Anyways, returning to Gengar! Now, it is true that Gengar are capable of bestowing curses and harming other Pokémon. They are fiercely defensive of their family units and take great care to keep their children and siblings safe. However, this is the only scenario where Gengar are likely to lash out and attack. Similar to Ninetails, Gengar uses curses in self defense almost exclusively. As a Pokémon researcher, me and many teammates have had to get creative when observing Gengar and their families in the wild because we were encroaching on their space. Gengar will try to scare potential threats away from their nests long before they get aggressive.

Long story short, Gengar’s evolutionary line are composed of very tight-knit family communities who have specific behaviors for training and child-rearing that have been misconstrued as aggression only because people have threatened the territories of these ghost types.

[generation1point5]

Death of the Author

Being a creator in this day and age feels like a tenuous thing. Most creatives I know tend to do it as a hobby; the ones who do it for a living most certainly still work every day of their life. I’m beginning to see my own lack of energy and drive more as an excuse, and even at times a privilege; my livelihood doesn’t depend on me having to do kill the enjoyment of what I love doing. I haven’t published anything yet; all my expectations are self-imposed, and that alone allows for a flexibility that I have thus far taken for granted. The only shortage I have is time in the day.

Being so recently inspired by so many other writers as I’ve begun to dive into VNs, I’ve begun to dive deep into social media to get a glimpse of what their routines are like, their inspirations and philosophies, their practices and approaches. But with it also comes a number of disquieting and sobering realities. Burnout as a result of unhealthy work habits seems common, so are worries of being unable to meet expectations. Though all of these thoughts are innately parasocial and speculative in nature, I nonetheless feel that there is a palpable pressure that follows broad success. It reminds me of the one idiotic tweet I put out that suddenly went viral when the algo picked it up and suddenly a horde of unfamiliar people began putting me on blast. You feel seen, even when nobody is looking at you, each with their own expectations and judgments. The sheer size of the audience, rather than their intent, makes it difficult to ignore: how much greater that pressure must feel when you intend to write for such an audience, and hope to capture them as you did before. It’s trying to reinvent the wheel.

Writing for oneself, or creating as a means of self-expression, is inherently a personal affair. Even professional writers, I think, will put at least a little of themselves into all they produce, even if it is made primarily to address a prompt entirely external to them. That is just the nature of art, being derivative. It is a very literal outpouring of the self through the lens of fiction. At first glance it might seem that tying one's livelihood through such a central portion of our identity would be the best, most natural fit in the world. It probably would be if not for the fact that modern living at most levels of income requires you to work to live, and not the other way around. The result is that these writers are stretched thin, and there is a very tragic tarnishing of the passion for one’s work. I hate writing for the sake of putting words down; it rarely feels like my best effort, and sincerity and quality often become conflated as a result. It is the worst confluence of external pressures and internal drives. It seems all too easy for me to think of a situation where I would want to prove to myself that I have the drive to push through such barriers, to make the work that I enjoy to be my life, and then destroy it through the unhealthy habits to follow.

There is a necessary distance between the writer and their product, if it is to be sustained. There is time to create, and time to reflect and to improve, and beyond all this to simply rest from the act. This rhythm is rarely steady, and affected by all sorts of personal and external factors, and exacerbated all the more by the latter when it is well-received and well-known and people expect timelines and milestones indicating progress to retain interest. I think that’s part of the reason why so few people pursue it as a career, even if it is something they feel more intensely about than what they do to pay the bills and make a living. It is just the nature of capitalism, the ceaseless need for consistent content that drives people to be productive, even when the inner fire is not present. There is a marked difference between art made for others and art made as self-expression.

The desire for sincerity in writing is not just for the sake of quality; it is also a matter of conveying something of worth, something meaningful for both the author’s benefit and the audience. It is a validation of sorts, in the knowledge that what is meaningful to the author can be meaningful to others as well, that their intent and their will can be recognized and valued by their audience beyond just the technical dressings that illustrate the unseen, the heart and soul of the author. The act of communication through writing is personal; analysis that invokes the death of the author, by contrast, serves to benefit only the reader. 

It only comes at a more painful irony for me to consider that the death of the author, in the sense of the burnout of one’s passion, is the result an inability to navigate the perils of self-expression as a means of living.

[adamgant]

153: Navigating ADHD as an entrepreneur and CBD with Angie Lee

153: Navigating ADHD as an entrepreneur and CBD with Angie Lee https://ift.tt/bWDp4rR Hi friends! I’m so excited to have Angie Lee on the show today. I’ve followed her on IG for a long time and she always cracks me up and inspires me. Here’s what we talk about: – ADHD and navigating ADHD as an entrepreneur – Her experience with a brain scan and the Amen Clinic – Her productivity hacks – Starting Soul and how she sources CBD for her company and so much more. Navigating ADHD as an entrepreneur and CBD with Angie Lee Here’s more about Angie and her background: Angie Lee is a multihyphenate hypewoman, comedy creator, keynote speaker, Forbes Top 100 podcaster & co-founder of Soul CBD & Wellness. As a college and corporate dropout with ADHD, Angie has always known that she wasn’t born to fit into a box or follow the rules. She spent her young adult years seeking a productive outlet for all her creative energy, starting with the blog she launched from her dorm room at the age of 19 circa 2010. After much trial and error and a handful of business flops—including her healthy meal delivery service in Chicago—Angie leveraged her gregarious personality to build a community of hundreds of thousands of ambitious women that are making friends with fear & making money doing what they love. You can connect with Angie on her website, Instagram, and check out Soul here.    Partners: I’ve been using Nutrisense on and off for a couple of years now. I love being able to see how my blood sugar responds to my diet and habits, and run experiments. You can try out Nutrisense here and use GINA50 for $50 off. Join us for Fit Team! This is my online fitness community and you can try it free for 7 days. I love love love the meals from Sakara Life! Use this link and the code XOGINAH for 20% off their meal delivery and clean boutique items. This is something I do once a month as a lil treat to myself and the meals are always showstoppers. If any of my fellow health professional friends are looking for another way to help their clients, I highly recommend IHP. You can also use this information to heal yourself and then go one to heal others, which I think is a beautiful mission. You can absolutely join if you don’t currently work in the health or fitness industry; many IHPs don’t begin on this path. They’re friends who are passionate to learn more about health and wellness, and want to share this information with those they love. You can do this as a passion, or start an entirely new career. You can use my referral link here and the code FITNESSISTA for up to $250 off the Integrative Health Practitioner program. I highly recommend it! You can check out my review IHP Level 1 here and my review of Level 2 here. I’m still obsessed with my sauna blanket. This is one of my favorite ways to relax and sweat it out. I find that it energizes me, helps with aches and pains, I sleep better on the days I use this, and it makes my skin glow. Link to check it out here. You can also use my discount FITNESSISTA15 for the PEMF Go Mat, which I use every day, and the red light face mask, which is a staple in my weekly skincare routine. Get 20% off Organifi with the code FITNESSISTA. I drink the green juice, red juice, gold, and Harmony! (Each day I might have something different, or have two different things. Everything I’ve tried is amazing.) I’m currently obsessed with the shilajit gummies! Thank you so much for listening and for all of your support with the podcast! Please be sure to subscribe, and leave a rating or review if you enjoyed this episode. If you leave a rating, head to this page and you’ll get a little “thank you” gift from me to you.  The post 153: Navigating ADHD as an entrepreneur and CBD with Angie Lee appeared first on The Fitnessista. via The Fitnessista https://ift.tt/kKY5bwF February 22, 2024 at 06:57AM

[dnaamericaapp]

André 3000 On His New Album New Blue Sun

It’s been years since the rap legend released new music. Now, on his own creative terms, he’s unveiling his first solo project—and talking candidly about where he’s been, how he’s changed, and why he made a record that nobody could have expected.

André released his first new record since the last OutKast one, 2006’s Idlewild. It is called New Blue Sun. There is no rapping on it. There are, in fact, no identifiable vocals at all: It is a record built almost entirely around woodwind instruments, full of long, winding songs with long, winding titles. It’s a delicate, whimsical document—New Age music for an age that hasn’t quite dawned yet. André recorded it here in Venice, at a few different studios with a handful of other session musicians, last year. The recordings you hear are more or less improvisations: everyone’s first time through the song.

Ask him why a woodwind album—and people do—and André 3000 will respond, characteristically, by asking, “Why anything? Why did we record these albums before in my career? It is just kind of: Those are the things that came.”

“I swear, I Really Wanted To Make A ‘Rap’ Album But This Is Literally The Way The Wind Blew Me This Time.”

And he did try, he says. “I’ve worked with some of the newest, freshest, youngest, and old-school producers. I get beats all the time. I try to write all the time.” But rap is not what comes.

In his life, André 3000 has lost both parents. He’s sent a son off to college. He’s known loss and love and fame. He has a partner, in Big Boi, who would get back onstage with him tomorrow, to continue where OutKast left off, and every day André decides again not to do that. “And those are real subject matters. I jot down what’s going on in my life. But to make it into an entertaining song to where it’s just not self-serving or it’s not just—like there’s a part of entertaining someone else too.” He tries, but it’s not there when he looks for it. “And what’s that saying with recovering addicts? They say, ‘The longer I’m out of it, the better chances I have of staying out of it.’ ” -(source: gq)

DNA America

“It’s what we know, not what you want us to believe.”

[project-offline]

Taylen

It Starts With Hello

Taylen’s point of view on how she met this person.

Normally here in the interviews I will conduct, I would begin by saying how I met this person. Although I feel that “of course I’ve known myself for my entire life”, I feel as though I still have some growing to do with learning different parts about myself and hobbies that I still have yet to discover. Instead, I want to share an excerpt from my diary in 2019, where I visualized different aspects of myself in the form of various ghost-like figures.

Taylen that Everyone Knows: Wants to be everyone’s friend, gives you the biggest smile.

Coach Taylen: The cool coach on the pool deck that can’t be bothered when wearing sunglasses.

Studious Taylen: Always in the zone and pushes up her imaginary glasses (cause she doesn’t have any glasses).

Hipster Taylen: Really loves music and has an interesting sense of style.

Friendly Taylen: Kind of rare, but if you break her shell then she shines.

Taylen that Only Taylen Knows: Quiet, shy and quite introverted actually.

This or That

You can only choose one…

Salty or Sweet

Winter or Summer

Air Guitar or Air Drums

Coffee or Tea

Dogs or Cats // I love dogs, but cats have been pretty special to me lately

Sleeping or Eating

Five Facts of Fun

What are 5 facts about yourself?

I am a former competitive swimmer and water polo player. This past summer I won a gold medal at our regional championship! I also coach and teach younger swimmers about the sport!

I know how to play about 7 different instruments and I’ve played piano for 12 years before I stopped to pursue other passions. Slowly I am trying to get back into music with posting more covers on social media.

Crocs are my go-to shoes for the past few years and I highly recommend on the pool deck. I’ve slipped and had some pretty bad falls from other shoes, but I have not slipped once with crocs #sportsmode

If there’s a hobby has any creative elements, I’m willing to try it!

In my opinion, pineapple does belong on pizza.

Drop a Bop

Pick a song that is the theme song to your life and discuss why.

I think I found this song on the radio and I was like, “Yes. This is it. This is my theme song.” This song is always my pick-me-up when I need a mood booster and I think it’s also quite catchy. With the lyrics, I like to interpret it as that sometimes people always see what you are capable of until you shine in that spotlight. It’s then people can see how much skill or “power” you hold and that yeah… maybe you are dangerous…

Debate Time

What is your perspective on the following question: Is the ocean soup?

Yes the ocean is soup. It’s got the veggies of seaweed, it’s got the protein of the fish and other species. It’s in a body of water. Mmmm, soup.

Some Deeper Small Talk

Chosen from a group of questions, the person answered the following question: What have I accomplished recently that would have shocked me a year ago?

I’m going to change this question to “What would have shocked me 5 years ago?”. 5 years ago, I was wrapping up high school and getting ready to start university. At the time, I quit my coaching job with competitive swimming and thought that I would just think about finding my way with pursuing something within my career after that and I would not really return back to sports again after quitting my personal journey a couple years prior. It wasn’t really until my time with reconnections with people I knew within the sports I played that they talked me back into coaching with teams based in other cities from my hometown. At the time I was hesitant, but I knew that with the qualifications that I already had from the past that I knew I was already more than capable to take on the job. Flash forward to 5 years later, I’m still coaching and just wrapped up a busy competitive summer season. Though in taking these jobs and switching to a couple of new teams, these experiences helped me grow as a person and as a coach; largely from the people I’ve met and the opportunities that I’ve now experienced. Sometimes it’s worth taking the chance and I think if I told myself in the past where I am now, she would be incredibly shocked at how far we have come so far.

The Final Spotlight

If you had the final opportunity to say anything to the world, what would you say?

Things can change very quickly and can happen unexpectedly, so live in the moment, appreciate what you currently have and enjoy it while you can.

[alun1r]

Hopping on this because I’ve been outspoken before about the general use of AI in voices but AI fics is an entirely other beast that terrifies me personally. It’s something I didn’t even imagine people would do.

Before I get to that— both users I’ve reblogged this from have incredible writing abilities. Ginger-Lala is able to write characters in a way that makes you connect so well with them. They’re relatable in how she describes their actions and their words. She makes you truly feel for them.

Though I have not read Plxnetn1ne full fic, they’ve sent me snippets these last few days and I have never been more excited to read their work. They write scenes in an incredible way to where you not only get a good image of it, you FEEL it.

Good writing isn’t determined by the amount of big words you use or how those big words are stringed together to only sound pretty in your head. It’s how you make someone feel. Human emotion has always been at the center of writing. Human emotion and the human heart is what makes a writer.

As previously stated AI essentially takes scraps of human creativity to piece it together into something new. That does not necessarily make it good.

In the times I’ve been introduced to Ai writing without knowing, I have never once thought of it as good. Primarily because it didn’t invoke feeling or thought. It was just words on a screen. Somehow more blunt and straightforward than the news stories I write. Or rather there were so many big words that I didn’t understand. What I mean by big words is, words that are so uncommonly used in this age— no one uses them. Even the most ‘professional’ of works, do not use them.

Seeing them in a fanfic is where the red flag comes from instantly.

And how can someone truly connect with something that wasn’t made by another human? I’m not anti-technology. I think it’s incredible. But I am strictly against AI stripping creativity away from human creations.

And through this fandom I’ve met lots of incredible writers and story tellers. All who share their amazing ideas day after day.

And their stories deserve so much more recognition.

To name a few for those searching for some good fics:

And some writers who post on here or through other sites:

@endeavour12345 @ravenelyx

I aim for my words to convey the understanding that AI is dangerous for many reasons. Writers were on strike to maintain their passion for their work from AI. Actors only RECENTLY achieved protection from AI. It’s an issue that is new and one that must be understood to its fullest extent if it is to be used at all.

The only AI I use is to make voices. Not for profit. I accept no money for the content I make and I never will. And whatever dialogues I write, I write myself with no use of AI. (Unless it’s a well known meme then obviously I didn’t write it. I just wanted to hear a Victorian man say dumb modern shit)

I say all of this as someone whose entire real life, career is writing. It’s something I’m passionate about. I can’t imagine myself doing anything else. And I deeply fear I’ll be replaced, no matter how good I am. And I’m not the only one.

This has been frustrating me all day and I've debated even posting because I hate drama but AI GENERATED FICS.

I was browsing today looking for some new content to read and support. I came across a story and I clicked on it because it was recommended.

I got halfway through a chapter and something did not sit right with me. Big words, ones I had to google, repeating content in paragraphs... seemed oddly familiar to things ChatGPT would spit out when I was trying to jailbreak it.

Curiosity got the better of me and I copied and pasted the content of this fic into an AI content detector and low and behold:

Just as a measure to make sure it wasn't just the generator throwing anything at me, I input my own fics as well as the writing of some of my fandom friends.

But as expected:

Now, I won't name and shame but I hope that the "author" of the fic I read reads this. I hope you feel bad and you should feel bad.

Nothing makes me sadder than seeing my friends who lose hours of sleep staying up writing to pump out a chapter not getting more views and comments than something clearly spat out by a computer.

At the very least, if you are going to use something like ChatGPT, at least give a warning or tag it. You are intentionally deceiving people, and for what? I cannot fathom you'd get any joy out of pumping out fake chapter after fake chapter.

Anyway, this is one of my favourite fics at the moment written by someone who busts their ass to write their chapters completely from scratch and I adore them.

to withstand the force of storms by @plxnetn1ne

If there's anything to take from this, it's be honest and tag your work correctly!

[starastrologyy]

Astrology Observations🤍

Please do not repost my work on any other social media platforms.🤍

In synastry, if you have no ‘typical’ attraction indicators, but you still feel a strong attraction towards someone, you want to look at the rulers of your 5th and 8th houses (7th can apply too). If the rulers of your 5th, 7th, or 8th houses are making significant aspects to the other persons personal planets, you will likely feel an attraction towards them. I have also found that the asteroids Juno, Eros, & Lilith can also account for an attraction between two people who don’t seem to have major Venus & Mars contacts in synastry.

It’s not uncommon to move homes in a year in which your solar return Ascendant is the same as your natal 4th house cusp. For example, let’s say you have Taurus on your natal 4th house cusp, and your upcoming solar return ascendant is in Taurus: a move may be in store for you, or perhaps you will be spending more time at home or with family.

Speaking of family, if you have the ruler of your 4th house placed in your 10th, you may come from a family that is well-known. Alternatively, there may be an event that occurs in your family life that becomes public knowledge or highly publicized. With this placement, your home, family-life, career & reputation are closely intertwined.

It’s so interesting because every time I have met a significant romantic partner, I had planets transiting my 5th and 7th houses. The Sun & Venus were the most significant when it came to meeting a potential partner. I am a heterosexual female, and thus the Sun transiting my 7th house represented a significant male (with romantic potential since it is the 7th house) entering my life. We All know Venus represents love, values, finances, and relationships in general.

People with Saturn in the 3rd, tend to have really good memory. These people are extremely observant and they often remember small details about people, places, and things.

Venus square Saturn or Uranus in a composite chart often points to an “on &off-again” relationship. Although these relationships tend to go on for years, I have ultimately found that many of them are not “meant to be”. This is often the relationship/person that took you a while to move on from.

A Leo rising in a composite chart can indicate that you and your partner met whilst participating in a hobby or in an atmosphere that values creativity, art & fun. Alternatively, you two may be well-known as a couple or most people know that you are in a relationship with each other.

Gemini On the 5th house cusp often points to a person who has many different interests and hobbies. This is a person who enjoys singing, working out, designing clothes etc… they truly enjoy it all.

Leo midheavens liked to be admired. It sounds “cliché” but it’s true. They want to be widely known as successful and competent. Although, Leo is a sign that’s associated with fame, having a Leo midheaven doesn’t guarantee fame. Nevertheless, as a Leo midheaven you want to leave this earth knowing that you did something significant with your life.

Transit squares from Pluto or Saturn to your Natal Sun or Moon, are probably going to be the most difficult times in your life (emotionally & identity wise). I’ve said this before, but these transits are not easy at all, and they cause you to reflect on your relationships, YOURSELF, and where you intend to go with your life. This transit is exacerbated if transit Pluto or Saturn is squaring your Sun or Moon from your 6th, 8th, or 12th house.

People who have Scorpio in the 1st house or on the 6th house cusp are more likely to experience “extreme” changes in their weight/physical appearance as they navigate through life. This is not necessarily something that should be feared as it can manifest in many different ways. For instance, someone who has Scorpio on the 6th may have been overweight their entire life, but decide they want to start going to the gym. 2 years down the line they’ve fallen in love with working out, and look completely different to how they did when they first started exercising. For others, a health situation may cause sudden or extreme weight/physical changes. This is because the 6th house represents our physical health & Scorpio is a sign that symbolizes transformation, healing & crises.

If you travel a lot, you would benefit from looking at your relocation chart for the location you travelled to. This is more suitable for people who will be in that location for an extended period of time. For example, let’s say you go & study abroad. This is different to astrocartography as the relocated chart will show you how you will behave in that new location & how you will be perceived by others. Whereas, I personally believe that astrocartography shows us how external influences will shape our experiences in that particular location.

Mars is currently in retrograde in Gemini, and it will stay there until January 12th 2023. (Please note that it will then go direct and only leave Gemini in March of 2023). Sagittarius risings you have Mars retrograde transiting your 7th house. Be careful of the potential tendency to become quarrelsome with your romantic or business partner! Mars retrograde can indicate where you will be devoting a lot of your energy & drive. However, it can also represent the area of life in which conflicts are likely to arise. For Aquarius Risings, old flings are likely to reappear at this time. You’re also going to want to focus a lot of your hobbies and interests. If you have children, they may be more difficult or energetic than usual during this time. Virgo risings, your career will be your focus over the next few months. Be careful as coming across as too “pushy” or aggressive in the public eye. Advancement is great, but be careful of stepping on too many toes on your way to the top. Gemini Risings, you are likely feeling very energetic at this moment. Many of you may resist restlessness or stagnation right now. Starting a new exercise regimen is also a possibility. Be careful of the potential tendency to let your temper get the better of you during this transit. (I will do the remaining zodiac signs in my next post).

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

Hello!! sorry to bother you could write a ben 10 x reader? (the reader is kidnapped by vilgax and ben has to save her, after that ben and the reader has an argument) please, i love your fics!!

Storm Before The Calm

Pairing: Pre-Established; Ben Tennyson x Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3.4k words

A/N: I changed up the request a bit (I figured it shouldn't matter which villain was used here) also I was planning to have this as sort of a damsel in distress situation but after having a chat with some boys pigs I decided a self indulgant badass reader was right up my alley

Additional A/N: I have a math exam on Thursday and I cannot focus for the life of me. So, I decided to finish up one of my drafts. Now hopefully I'll be able to work like a robot for the next week, after satisfying my creative side. Also, this fic was super self indulgant.

"I trust Ben.” You did. With your entire being.

Kevin chuckled from beside you, “Yeah, try saying that without cracking the fillings in your teeth and maybe we’ll believe you.”

His words caused you to relax, only then realizing how hard your jaw was clenched in fury. Gwen sighed in disappointment and for a second you wanted to defend her cousin and your boyfriend. Until you realized that he deserved every bit of unbridled anger coming to him.

“I trust him. Doesn’t mean I’m not mad at him.”

Your hands were balled into tight fists and even though you wanted to take your eyes off the television screen and take a warm bath, you also for some reason couldn’t stop yourself from watching it.

Like you were afraid something would happen when your eyes were off the screen for even a second. Maybe you didn’t trust him.

But honestly how could you, you were currently watching your boyfriend relax in a hot tub with Jennifer Nocturne and the sight was enough to send bile up your throat.

Ben wasn’t returning any of her advances, but he wasn’t stopping her either. And the thought made you sick to your stomach. You knew Ben was faithful and you knew he would never cheat on you but watching how the Hollywood starlet continued to hang off him sent waves of jealousy through you.

Not to mention anger at the fact that he wasn’t doing anything to stop her. When he got back, you were going to wring his neck.

Trusting him was getting harder with Gwen constantly insisting that you dump him.

Honestly, you wondered how that girl even kept a relationship.

When Ben eventually came home, all the entertainment channels were still talking about the two of them and the well-known picture of Jennifer Nocturne kissing him was circulating about. Each time you looked at that image, you wanted to shoot an arrow at the TV.

As time went by, your anger slowly fizzled out. You were unable to maintain your rage at Ben, quickly getting a headache and feeling tired of trying to maintain negative emotions. Even then, you couldn't push down the uneasy feeling in your heart that seized your stomach.

You kept expecting a text message from Ben, an apology call but as the night proceeded you understood that he was having way too much fun with another woman to even think about how you must be feeling.

The thought of that made you want to go back home and crawl underneath the covers, hiding away from the rest of the world.

But Gwen was persistent and any time you tried to wiggle away from the pair of them and go home, she insisted that you stay and make sure Ben knew how upset he made you tonight.

You were more than happy to give your boyfriend the cold shoulder until he apologized rather than have to confront him. That was just how your relationship with Ben worked. Neither of you were the type to lose your tempers and yell and scream at each other.

Although you were worried what would come out of this. Would you be able to peacefully discuss your feelings and then come to some sort of conclusion civilly? Seems too good to be true honestly.

Even then you waited until Ben came home, listening to Gwen and Kevin about how you should rip the band aid off and get everything off your chest rather than ignore him for a couple of days until the two of you got bored.

Usually, the latter would work but you had an inkling that it wouldn't be the solution for this particular argument because if you didn't communicate your emotions then he would never know how you felt about it.

So, even though your stomach filled with anxiety and sadness as the hours passed, you still didn't leave, determined to talk to him about it.

Your jaw was clenched tight when he finally did come back home, utterly relaxed and even happy like he wasn't just curled up against some Hollywood starlet while his girlfriend was watching it on E!

"I'm really upset with you." You ground out when Kevin and Gwen left, not knowing how else to start the conversation.

"What for?"

You didn't reply, picking up the remote and flicking to a gossip channel, then a news channel, then an interview show and all of them had the picture of Ben Tennyson and Jennifer Nocturne locking lips.

Ben winced, "She kissed me! I didn't even return it."

You still refused to look at you, crossing your arms aggressively, "Uh huh and what was today all about?"

"It's just publicity. Jennifer thinks that it'll help with my career."

You scoffed, "What career?"

Ben's back tensed up and he turned to give you a stiff expression, "I'm a superhero. I've saved the universe a thousand times and now that I'm finally getting recognition for it, you want to be petty?"

"Petty? You think I'm being petty? Well forgive me for getting upset after watching my boyfriend curl up to some other woman in a hot tub for the last five hours!" You bit, standing up from the couch.

"It wasn't like that! Stop blowing everything out of proportion!"

"No, you stop pretending like this isn't a big deal! Ever since your secret got out you've been acting like an ass and since meeting that blonde rat it's only gone through your head more!" You shouted, clenching your hands at your sides. How could he not see your side of this?

"Well shouldn't I get to enjoy my life once in a while?! I'm the one saving the planet constantly! I'm the one with constant death threats and near death experiences every other week! Shouldn't I get some attention for it?! God knows I don't get any from you!" He yelled back and you grit your teeth.

"Don't forget that while you were out there risking your life, we were right beside you!"

"Oh, so that's what it is, you're jealous that everyone thinks of you as the sidekick!"

"That is so NOT what this is about!"

"Oh really? Because it sounds like you're jealous because you're not getting attention by mooching off of me!"

Your eyes widened in shock. Mooching? Did he seriously think that you risked your life alongside him every day to help other people and more importantly, keep him safe, for attention?

Your body trembled, outraged and you didn't say another word, leaving his house in a rush and slamming the door behind you.

You needed something to hit.

***

Your body pumped with adrenaline and anger, muscles itching to be used as you sauntered through the old and run-down factory with reckless abandon. You briefly wondered whether you should've told Gwen or Kevin you were going there but then decided against it, pride and anger too great.

Any doubts or hesitation you had disappeared when you saw Vulkanus, standing tall and broad in his metal suit. And as per usual, he had his herd of minions doing his physical labour.

"If it isn't the Plumber's sweetheart." He drawled once he noticed you. You didn't bother with the stealth, leaving the door wide open behind you and letting the sunlight seep in. If he knew what was good for him, then this would be over quick.

"Hello Vulkanus." You greeted politely and he rolled his eyes. Of all people, he knew just how misleading your innocence was.

"Where's the cavalry?"

"Just me today." You answered and for a second you were confused by your own confidence. Maybe you were taking this just a little too easy. Oh well, that was another thing you could blame your pig-headed boyfriend for.

"Well then, this is going to be easier than I thought. Hope you said goodbye to your boyfriend, sweetheart." He rasped out and the corner of your mouth twitched into a smirk. Without another word, you raised your arms, feeling the familiar heat of fire in the palm of your hand before chucking it at him.

Just as you knew he would, he sent his minions towards you first. They were embarrassingly unskilled but the problem came in numbers. They swarmed around you like ants and you felt yourself getting irritated at the clicking sound they were making.

Unfortunately for Vulkanus his make-shift factory was right beside a dam which gave you an endless supply of the elements to work with.

Summoning all the water you could manoeuvre, you pulled it into the factory, shattering the windows along with it and flooding the room. It only took a few flicks of your wrist to create a whirlpool in the centre, knocking all the workers off their feet.

You stiffened your hands, curling in your fingers and the temperature dropped, the water solidifying with each second until all of them were encased in ice. Another flick of the wrist had the path clearing between you and Vulkanus, who was still warm.

"You-You're sparing me?" He asked, confused and a dry laugh left you.

"Not at all," You sang, eyes turning dark, "I'm giving you special treatment."

Vulkanus bounded towards you, holding his mallet high and you swiftly dodged, using water on the floor to slide quickly. He crashed into the engine of one of his machines, the fuel tank exploding and spewing fowl smelling petrol onto the floor.

It floated above the level of water and began surrounding both of you.

He once again came at you, letting out a roar and you used the water to sink through the crevices of his suit, freezing it from within and you heard the satisfying sound of his suit cracking.

Just a little more strength and forcing a gust of air through the cracks had it falling apart and his frail body fell out of its metal encasing.

"You'll pay for this! You big bully!"

"Thanks for the fun time today, Vulkanus." You smiled, strutting to the door just as confidently as you came in. Even though your body was burning from the workout and you could barely breathe, you still couldn't get over the high.

Before leaving the building, you turned around to see him still glaring at you from his place on the floor.

"Oh, I should probably free your minions, right?" You commented, eyes flickering between the ones still encased in ice and the floor that was still flooded with water and petrol.

You let out a fake sigh, "I guess I'll be nice today," You winked at Vulkanus, "Thanks for the playdate, sweetheart."

His eyes widened when you blew a kiss to him, watching in fear as you ignited a flare in your palm and blew it towards him before turning around and using the wind to slam the doors behind you. When you were just a few feet away you heard the place blow apart.

Slowly, the adrenaline began melting and the blood rushing through your ears was much more audible. You were panting, tired from the exercise and the thought of calling Kevin to come and pick you up. Or maybe even Ben. You were calm enough now to have a conversation with him.

When you pulled your phone out of your pocket you felt a hand on your shoulder and spun around to meet eyes with Captain Nemesis. For a brief second you were wondering if he was here to invite you to some inane party or even to tell you that Ben was at one.

Although you hardly looked the part, you were sweating and your face was probably red and blotchy.

"Can I help you?" You asked, taking a step back, he was a little too close to you and the look in his eye freaked you out.

"As a matter of fact, you can." He said, "You see I'm arranging a little stunt for Ben Tennyson. An opportunity if you will, to showcase some of his heroism."

You rolled your eyes, turning away from him. The last thing you wanted to do was feed Ben's ego at the moment.

"With all due respect, I don't really think I'm up for a damsel in distress routine right now, Captain, I'd rather just get home. And If you take another step towards me, I'll kick you where the sun doesn't shine." You snapped and he backed off obediently, raising his hands in a form of surrender.

"That's too bad." He mused and you turned away from him, intent on walking back home or even calling a cab. Anything to get away from this creep faster.

"Too bad you don't really have a choice."

You felt his hand on your bare shoulder again but before you could even react you felt volts of electricity rush through you. You gasped painfully, feeling fire through your veins before everything started to hurt.

White burned in your vision and colours started to blur together as your eyes filled with tears. Your body crumbled, falling forward and Captain Nemesis caught you.

Right before your consciousness slipped away you heard him say something.

"For your sake, you better hope that Ben Tennyson is as great as those gossip channels make him out to be."

***

When you felt yourself regaining consciousness, you could feel your weight pulling down and also couldn't feel the ground. This had your eyes snapping open, regardless of how dizzy you were and how many dots were in your vision.

You hazily made out the venue, Nemesis Tower, before recognize the blonde woman tied up beside you. It didn't take long before you realized she was tied to the other end of the rope, suspended through mid-air just like you.

This was no doubt going to be some sort of deathly choice.

You noticed when Ben came in, turning into Ultimate Humangasaur. He looked furious, like you've never seen him before and you knew it was because Ben was certain he'd teach him a lesson today.

"Where's (Y/N)." He all but growled and your heart soared. You didn't realize how much you missed him until now, everything from before was forgotten.

"Right up there. And so is Jennifer." He replied, still smug despite the way Ben was pining him to the ground by his throat. Ben followed his gaze to meet your eyes and you took a deep breathe, bracing yourself.

A selfish part of you wanted to stay and see what Ben would do, would he save you even though Jennifer was a civilian and world famous?

Even then you figured that you shouldn't risk anyone's life for petty jealousy, so you took a deep breath, blowing it out through your mouth and watching as a gust of wind blew past, the pressure making you swing.

You swung a few feet back, letting your body fall a little before blowing again. Once you gained enough momentum, you looked up to the rope tying the two of you together and spitting fire at it, falling at an angle. You briefly heard Jennifer scream and revelled in her karma for a hot second.

On your way down, you quickly burnt off the rest of the ropes, bringing a pool of water to crystallize into a makeshift slide as you slide on your knees across the floor, just in time to catch Jennifer in your arms.

Your knees stung as they scraped across the concrete and the wind was knocked out of you when the woman fell into your form.

She gasped and her eyes that was screwed shut gently fluttered open. Up close you could understand why everyone was in love with her. Even then you couldn't spare her any concern.

You quickly pushed her out of your arms, noticing Gwen and Kevin staring at you in awe when you stood up. You cracked your knuckles, making your way over to the older man with a scowl.

"For your sake, you better hope that I'm just as weak as you think I am. Spoiler alert, I'm not."

Ben spared a small smile at you but you couldn't feel anything aside from hot fury. You felt water surge beneath your fingers and threw it at him, pulling up a wall of earth to block his blasts.

Your boyfriend immediately began fighting alongside you and your bodies fell into a familiar rhythm. Even though there was a crazed narcissist trying to kill you, you felt safe beside Ben.

It wasn't long before the four of you managed to overpower him, rendering his armour useless until he was defeated, lying pathetically on the ground.

You walked up to him and your lips twisted into an unimpressed frown when you noticed the way he had the audacity to glare at you. Without a second word, you raised your leg and kicked him right between the legs.

"I always keep my promises, Captain."

Kevin began laughing behind you and Ben cringed.

Finally, when you turned to meet Ben, now de-transformed, all the fight left your body and you relaxed. He looked apologetic and you let him approach you.

His arms wrapped around your waist and you leaned into him, breathing the familiar scent of his deodorant and snaking your arms under his jacket to fist his T-shirt.

He sighed into your hair, arms tightening around your body, "I'm sorry. For being an ass to you and saying all those horrible things, I was being an idiot and you deserve an apology."

You didn't move, not pulling away from the way your forehead was pressed against the length of his neck, "Thank you for coming to save me."

"Didn't look like you needed much help." He chuckled and you felt happy hearing the pride in his voice.

"I missed you." You murmured, holding him a little tighter and he turned his head to kiss your forehead gently. And just like that, everything was right in the world. Just as long as you were in each other's arms.

"I love you."

You heard the click of a camera and your head snapped up to see a herd of cameramen and reporters along with a couple of police cars. Ben laughed nervously beside you, "I guess we won't have to worry about another actress coming between us."

You gave him an unimpressed frown and he just smiled, leaning to peck your lips and you heard the crowd of reporters’ gasp and heard the shutters of cameras before they began shouting questions at you.

You pulled away from him when you saw Jennifer Nocturne make her way towards you. You figured she wanted to snuggle up to Ben now that the cameras were filming.

Instead, she walked right up to you, hugging you tightly and your arms flailed pathetically beside her, unsure of what to do, "You saved my life! I don't know how to thank you!"

She pulled away for just a second before pressing a kiss to your lips. Your eyes widened in alarm and the shutters began once again and flashes practically blinded you.

"Huh, so that's what that feels like." Ben murmured when she pulled away from you. Kevin was smirking beside him, satisfied that he got a taste of his own medicine and Gwen was just in shock.

Ben felt his stomach turn at the sight of Jennifer’s lipstick on your mouth and you were unsure whether you should feel repulsed or cocky.

But as you wiped the pigment off your lips and curled back into Ben's side you couldn't feel anything other than your burning muscles and your drooping eyelids.

You squinted because of the bright lights, feeling a headache grow as the exhaustion from before crept up on you again. After 2 fights and a kidnapping today, there was nothing more you wanted than a nap.

"Wanna go home?" Your ever observant boyfriend asked just as the nausea started to kick in. You nodded and he guided you away from the reporters to his car.

He gently placed you into the front seat, shielding your head as you got in to prevent you from hitting it against the hood before buckling your seatbelt, watching carefully as you drifted into a sound sleep.

Ben heard everyone behind him swoon as he lovingly placed a kiss to your knuckles and then climbed into the seat beside you, sparing you one last warm glance before starting the car and driving away.

He'd definitely notice the shy smile on your face when you saw that Ben kissing you was on the front page of a magazine.

And you'd notice the jealous scowl he'd have when he saw that Jennifer kissing you was on the front page of another.

[bts-weverse-trans]

201128 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Namjoon

RM: “I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.28

The story of BTS’ new album BE started on April 17, 2020 when group member RM announced its production on the BANGTANTV YouTube channel. In the seven months that followed until the album’s release, RM’s mind was full, his thoughts flowing in and out of his head.

How do you feel about the unique approach you took to making your new album, BE? RM: The other members were a ton of help to me. My lyrics made it on the album, but the music I composed didn’t, so I’m really thankful to the group for the music. How should I say this? I feel like everyone is doing a great job. There are so many parts in these songs that I’m indebted to them for. “Stay” was originally going to be the title song on Jung Kook’s mixtape, but everyone liked it so much, and they all agreed to put that on our album. That’s how much influence they had. I’m really happy my room idea was chosen to be the album photos. Since we’re spending a lot of time in our rooms because of COVID-19, we laid out the idea of each of us decorating a room in our own style. I can’t remember for sure (laughs) but I think I’m the one who came up with that. I made a comfortable room, one that’s modern and warm because that’s what I like.

There’s a painting in the middle, and symmetrically arranged figurines. RM: The figures are from my own collection. I wanted to show one of my paintings, but that didn’t pan out. But still, those are the things I hold most dear to me right now, so I let the room embody the things I wish I had, too.

It’s well known that you like art and frequent exhibitions, but how do you feel when you look at art in your home or another space where there are no people, like in the album art? RM: Someone said, “You don’t have to buy this painting; it’s yours so long as you’re looking at it.” That’s my favorite sound bite these days. What I most envied about painters was that, even after they died, their work would be hanging up somewhere, maybe even in another country, still defining that space. Musicians leave behind their songs and videos, too, but it’s only through fine art that viewers in the future are able to completely meet artists from the past. I’m envious that this is only possible for painters. These days I’m trying to find spaces where I can have more relaxed viewing experiences.

There’s a full experience involved, from the time you get ready to leave your house until the time you’re actually looking at artwork in the gallery. RM: That’s perfect to me. There’s art you can keep at home, and then there’s art that should always be viewed in museums.

What effect do you think that type of experience has on your music? You didn’t compose any of the songs but instead participated in writing the lyrics to all of the tracks. Did that experience affect your lyric writing in any way? RM: I think it’s helped me develop a way of thinking using all the senses. I used to be attuned to speech and focus on language and auditory textures, but now I can look at my thoughts from many different angles. That’s why I spend more time studying art now. I’m waiting for the day that it all comes to the surface, like when you paint the base on a canvas over and over so the colors pop. It’s hard to answer in one word if it has a direct influence on my work, but I think people who create music develop a way of seeing the world through their personal experience and their creative process. Painters naturally exhibit their art over a very long period of time. I think it gave me an eye for looking at the world in one long, continuous stroke. So now it’s become a little challenging for me to write lyrics these days. I’ve become more cautious.

Why is it so challenging? RM: I used to have so many ideas pouring out that it was hard to pluck one out. So I would stack them up like a Jenga tower and ponder over which one to remove. But now, it’s hard to even add a block to the stack. I’m not sure why but, when I look at these artists whose works span their entire lives, I sense that the rhythm of my creativity is slowing down more and more. That’s the source of my dilemma. I’m only 27 years old. I still need to wander around and get tripped up a little. But am I just trying to imitate what the fine artists are doing? Or maybe BTS experienced so much in the past seven years, that now it’s time for us to take a breather? I’ve got so many questions, I feel like my hair’s turning white. That’s why none of my songs are on the album. I wrote some, but they were too personal to use there. I don’t exactly like myself like this, but I have to see through to the end in this direction and find the answer.

Maybe for that reason, your rapping has shifted focus to the lyrics more so than trend or musicality. It emphasizes the feeling of the words over a particular format or beat. RM: Exactly. In—was it 2017? Pdogg was talking to Yoongi, Hobi and me about our style, and said, “Namjoon, it feels like you’re becoming a lyricist,” and it really stuck with me. I have a lot of thoughts lately when I watch Show Me the Money or listen to hip hop songs from the Billboard chart. My music started out all about my life as a rapper, so I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now.

So you’ve started to ask yourself who you are as a musician? RM: I listened to Lee So-ra’s seventh album again today. I keep changing my mind but, if I had to pick between her sixth and seventh album, I like her seventh a little more. And then I listen to the most popular songs on Billboard, and I feel kind of thrown off. Um … There’s something Whanki Kim said that’s been running around in my head lately: After moving to New York, he embraced the style of artists like Mark Rothko and Adolf Gottlieb, but then he said, “I’m Korean, and I can’t do anything not Korean. I can’t do anything apart from this, because I am an outsider.” And I keep thinking that way, too. That’s my main concern lately.

You can feel that on BE. As the members take on more prominent roles as songwriters and producers, characteristics of old Korean music—the kind of music you likely listened to in middle and high school—gradually entered your sound. But your music isn’t from that era, and it sounds like pop, but not quite. RM: The sound has to fit with the whole album so I couldn’t incorporate that feel into BTS songs, but the songs I’m listening to most lately have been Korean. Songs like P-Type’s “Don Quixote,” Dead’P’s “Spread My Wings,” Soul Company’s album The Bangerz. The impressions the songs from back then have left on me, the lyrics from back then and the lyrics from now, they’re different. So BE is both Korean and pop; it’s very unique, in my view.

I think that’s especially true for “Life Goes On.” It’s got a pop melody, but compared to “Dynamite,” it has a very different feel. It doesn’t slip deep into the sentimental, instead allowing the melody to flow naturally. RM: Exactly. The chorus is totally pop, and one of the writers was also American. But the song doesn’t really follow American music trends, weirdly. So I don’t know how “Life Goes On” is going to be received. It’s really calm, almost contemplative. So there’s lyrics, like, “Like an echo in the forest,” and, “Like an arrow in the blue sky.” The song kind of feels like that: It could just float off and disappear. It might even come off as bland next to “Dynamite.”

If nothing else, it seems the song will stick around for a long time. Maybe kids now will listen to it later on in the future. RM: I hope so. That’s the one thing I really hope for, people in the future, thinking back and saying, “Oh, right! Remember that one song?” That’s what my favorite artists and other people who leave a lasting impression on me have in common. One thing common among the songs that have affected me a lot, like Lee So-ra’s seventh album, is that the lyrics they utter in their voice along with the overall sound stick with me. I hope when people look back, my words uttered with the sound of my voice, echoes for a long time in an auditory or visual way, or even throughout their entire lives. But that’s the dilemma: We have all these bling-bling symbols of our success, but we’re not that kind of team.

And yet, BTS’s career path is even more “bling-bling” than ever. “Dynamite” was the top song on the Billboard Hot 100. RM: I was the first one to check our position (laughs) but I didn’t want to get too excited about it. I was scared of facing disappointment so I put the brakes on out of habit, and restrained myself. But on the other hand, I feel like I should relish this moment. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing; shouldn’t I enjoy myself a bit? But I disliked that sensation of only feeling elated so I tried to be as objective as possible. I was just one small part of everything that made this happen.

It reminds me of that part, “Running faster than that cloud of rain /  Thought that would be enough / Guess I’m only human after all,” from “Life Goes On.” RM: “Only human” sounds so appropriate for me right now. One time, I saw a dark cloud over the N Seoul Tower while I was walking along the Han River. I was with a friend and we talked about where the border between where it’s raining and where it’s not might be, and suddenly, we came up with the idea to run and find that spot. But after running for 10 minutes, the cloud was even further away than it had been. At that moment, the puzzle pieces snapped into place. You think you can go faster than that dark cloud? No. That’s what I realized then. And I just like what Whanki Kim said, that maybe I can’t do anything not Korean, because that’s what I am. I used to work late and then stay up all night when things weren’t working out, sometimes walking from Samseong to Sinsa station, thinking everything through. But now, like the saying, I realize that maybe I can’t do more than what I am.

On Weverse, you said that you gained some muscle from working out. Could the change to your body improve your creativity in the long term? RM: I started to think I better change myself a little, physically or mentally. I’m talking about being steady. I used to bombard myself with challenges and worries and just get over them, but now I think it’s time to find that one sturdy thing and plant myself there. The best choice was working out, and I think it’s changing my behavior a lot. I’m hoping that, if I keep working out for a year or two, I’ll become a different person.

Music is your job, but also your life. Like you expressed in “Dis-ease,” how would you say you feel about your work? RM: This is my job and my calling and I feel a great sense of responsibility. I think I’m lucky and happy that I can solely worry about my creative process. And I feel very responsible to those people who put their trust in me, so I try not to cross any lines, judge myself honestly, and always be professional. Those are the responsibilities that come with the job—the things I have to do and the promises I won’t betray. But if I’m going to do it, I’m going to be happy while I do it. That’s not always going to be possible, but that’s generally how I feel.

Well then, how do you feel about BTS at the moment? RM: BTS is … Well, it’s really hard to tell. (laughs) When BTS started out, I thought, “I know everything there is to know about BTS,” but now it’s, “I don’t know a single thing about BTS.” In the past, I felt like I knew everything, and that anything was possible. Call it childish or ambitious. But if I were to ask myself, “What is BTS to me?” I would say, we’re just people who met each other because we were meant to. But it feels like the stars aligned and a startup company became a unicorn, with perfect timing and lots of smart people. Looking back, there were a lot of ironies and contradictions in this industry. I thought I figured them out one by one, and then finally understood the whole thing. But now I feel like I don’t know anything at all. Anyway, to sum up: My young, reckless twenties. The events of my twenties. There were a lot of contradictions, people, fame, and conflict all tangled together, but it was my choice and I got a lot out of it, so my twenties were an intense but also happy time.

And what about you, as one individual person? RM: I’m a real Korean person. (laughs) A person who wants to do something in Korea. I think millennials are charging into society stuck between the analog and digital generations, and what I chose is BTS. So I try to integrate myself into our generation, try to understand what people like me are thinking, and try to work hard to capture that feeling without being a burden on them. This might be another kind of irony itself, but this is who I am. I’m a 27-year-old Korean. That’s what I think.

Trans © Weverse

[tillidontneedfantasy]

A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 9th Studio Album: ‘evermore’

“My collaborators and I are proud to announce that my 9th studio album and folklore’s sister record is here. It’s called evermore,” is how Taylor Swift introduces us to this album in its foreword. One might assume a “sister record” would entail b-sides, or tracks that didn’t quite make the cut for folklore, despite Taylor’s explanation that “we just couldn’t stop writing songs.” evermore’s release came at a strange time, upon the heels of the Folklore: Long Pond Studio Sessions film on Disney+, as well as 5 Grammy nominations for folklore. The world still captivated by folklore, it’s understandable why one might not consume evermore as critically. Even as a die-hard fan, I felt some whiplash by this announcement; I am still processing folklore! Hell, I’m still processing reputation!

If this was the Taylor from two years ago, this may have been a big enough fear of hers to hold off on releasing evermore. But as she explained upon folklore’s surprise release, life is too unpredictable now, and there are zero givens or guarantees. So she followed the same path this time (although making sure it fell in line with her birthday weekend). But it’s not just the strategic timing of the release that she’s thrown out the window for now, but also her mindset whilst making records. As she explains in the evermore album foreword,

“I’ve never done this before. In the past I’ve always treated albums as one-off eras and moved onto planning the next one as soon as an album was released. There was something different with folklore. In making it, I felt less like I was departing and more like I was returning. I loved the escapism I found in these imaginary/not imaginary tales. I loved the ways you welcomed the dreamscapes and tragedies and epic tales of love lost and found. So I just kept writing them.”

This is a revelation for Swift, to let the music lead her into artistic freedom, which is what makes evermore such a triumphant return. Truly folklore’s sister record, Taylor wrote evermore with the same creative team: Aaron Dessner of The National (Swift’s favorite band), long-time pal and collaborator Jack Antonoff, Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, and William Bowery aka Swift’s boyfriend, Joe Alwyn (as officially revealed in the Long Pond Studio Sessions). Additionally, former 1989 tour openers and close friends of Taylor, the HAIM sisters, join the crew, along with Marcus Mumford for some dreamy backup vocals.

The production is just as wistful and mesmerizing as it was on folklore, yet the storytelling on evermore is kicked up a notch, expanding on the topics and worldbuilding established in its sister record, with even sharper lyrics and an effective and elaborate use of alliteration. The best thing about Taylor is that no matter what she does, her masterful lyricism is always at the heart of her art, and somehow, she keeps getting better. Once again, I wanted to explore the rich stories she’s crafted in this woodsy universe. This is how I’ve interpreted the album, but I hope you find your own meaning in the songs as well.

1. willow It is fitting that the opening track to folklore’s sister album, where we wade further into the forest that is Taylor Swift’s imagination and storytelling, would center on the type of tree that is a symbol of hope, belonging, safety, stability, and healing. “willow,” one of the few more obviously autobiographical tracks on the album, is a hymn of gratitude for her man (as she wants you to know, yes, thirteen times), Joe Alwyn, and how the invisible string tethering them together pulled her to him in a time when everyone else was counting her out. Though not as present on many of the other songs later to come on this record, you can feel the lightness in her heart on this song as she embraces the way in which the willow has bent, wrecking her plans, throwing her into the water and leaving her happily lost and afloat in his current. The downward key modulation throughout the last two repetitions of the chorus is beautiful and very fitting for Swift vocally, but also sounds like the feeling of finding your comfort and settling into it, basking it in while you wait for the next place the wind pulls you. Best lyric: “Now this is an open/shut case / I guess I should’ve known from the look on your face / Every bait and switch was a work of art.”

2. champagne problems On the second track of the album, Taylor dives back into the fictional worldbuilding she began to explore on folklore. While on folklore high school relationships and dramatics took center-stage, evermore graduates from adolescence to young adulthood, not that it is any easier emotionally on the listener’s heart. “champagne problems” chronicles a rejected marriage proposal between two college sweethearts at their old dorm building. Taylor sings as the narrator, a reflective, self-deprecating young woman who jokes about belonging in a madhouse and dismisses all her turmoil as champagne problems. The term ‘champagne problems’ itself could have various meanings here: their trivial concerns, the fact that their “sister splashed out on the bottle” of champagne that they will not be using to celebrate as they had hoped, or perhaps it could even hint that excessive drinking is a piece of all the ways the narrator is “fucked in the head,” as they said. Although the person she is singing to is the one who got hurt in the story, the hurt in the narrator’s heart is just as palpable and relatable, because you only have yourself to blame when you self-destruct. Best lyric: “’She would’ve made such a lovely bride, / what a shame she’s fucked in the head,’ they said / but you’ll find the real thing instead / she’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred.”

3. gold rush On her YouTube live chat prior to the album’s release, Taylor explained that this song “takes place inside a single daydream where you get lost in thought for a minute and then snap out of it.” The daydream consists of a love story so pure that the town had never seen such a thing; it could only happen in a fantasy for the narrator. How could she possibly have the gall to call them out on their contrarian shit, or end up with her Eagles t-shirt hanging from their door, when they are so coveted by all, and when she cannot withstand the thought of even competing? She sings, “My mind turns your life into folklore / I can’t dare to dream about you anymore,” a sweet little connecting piece to this album’s older sister, effectively convincing herself out of the idea of jumping into the chaos of the gold rush because even inside her own imagination it’s too dangerous. Best lyric: “I don’t like that falling feels like flying ‘till the bone crush.”

4. ‘tis the damn season According to Aaron Dessner, Taylor had written the lyrics for “’tis the damn season” in the middle of the night amidst their Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions recording after a long night of chatting and drinking with their co-conspirator, Jack Antonoff. The lyrics perfectly encapsulate the guttural ache the track evokes. It is a tale of two people who always find their way back to one another in their hometown, which acts as the ever-returning fork in the road. The path taken, back to L.A. in pursuit of her dreams, is the one she chose and continues to choose, but whenever she returns home, she takes a ride down the road not taken, just to get a taste of what could have been, even if just for the weekend. What starts off as an icy homecoming always transforms into the warmest intimacy. The success of this track is aligned with the success of Taylor’s entire career; even with such specific details, it feels so deeply personal to the listener. You know the street you’d drive along late at night laughing, the spot you’d park the car, the person who stars in every what-if. You will never really know if the road not taken is as good as it seems, but that might be ok; sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality, anyway. Best lyric: “It’s the kind of cold / fogs up windshield glass, but I felt it when I passed you / There’s an ache in you / put there by the ache in me.”

5. tolerate it Inspired by the novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, “tolerate it” is an agonizing track from the perspective of a devoted wife who polishes plates and paints portraits and waits by the door for her husband with a battle hero’s welcome, who at best tolerates all her adoration. There are few things as painful as idolization being met with indifference, when you have all this love to give to someone who just leaves it there untouched. “tolerate it” captures that desperation for the approval you know will never arrive, but you sit and watch, waiting for it just in case you’re wrong, but you know you’re not. Best lyric: “I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life / drawing hearts in the byline”

6. no body, no crime feat. HAIM “no body, no crime,” the one evermore song solo-written by Taylor, has the clearest plot from beginning to end. In the same vein as the female powerhouse country classic “Goodbye Earl” by The Chicks, Taylor is out for blood to avenge her friend, Este (named for one of the HAIM sisters). The story goes as such: Este’s husband kills her for calling him out on his infidelity, and then Taylor kills the husband and frames his mistress. The HAIM girls, who are long-time friends of Taylor’s and former touring mates, lend their vocals to reinforce the accusation on the husband and to provide Taylor’s alibi. “no body, no crime” is so far the closest we’ve gotten to a return to “country Taylor,” proving that she is still the master of a killer country tune (yes, pun intended, it had to be done I’m sorry). Best lyric: “Good thing Este’s sister’s gonna swear she was with me / (she was with me, dude) / Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy”

7. happiness Written a week before the album’s release, “happiness” is one of Swift’s strongest and most reflective breakup songs. Although she writes it as though it is recent, there’s a lot of power in knowing that she’s been happily in love for four years, and that she is even better now at doing the thing that has always been best at. She is finally “above the trees,” as she sings, and is able to see it all for what it is, but her character is still in the heat of it all, trying to navigate the stages of grief when a relationship ends. We see the narrator grapple with many of those stages throughout the song. Most striking is the anger displayed in the second verse when she sings: “I hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you / No, I didn’t mean that, / sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury.” That section is jarring and feels like one of the most honest moments in a Taylor song, the insanely difficult emotional balancing act when we are grieving a relationship. The devastation of loss can distort our perception, and a part of that is the difficulty of understanding how multiple seemingly opposing things can co-exist in our hearts, such as happiness because of someone and happiness after them. But when you leave it all behind and finally find your place above the trees, you can find happiness after someone and also look back and appreciate the happiness they once provided. Both of these things can be true. Best lyric: “Showed you all of my hiding spots / I was dancing when the music stopped.”

8. dorothea Taylor Swift has the uncanny ability to create such developed and well-rounded characters with such little information, which is what makes her storytelling so compelling. In “dorothea,” we learn much about the title character through the narrator’s eyes, and the relationship they once had. The lyric “skipping the prom just to piss off your mom and her pageant schemes” alone tells an entire story in itself. “dorothea” is also the companion song to “’tis the damn season,” just from the other person’s perspective, which helps shine even more light on the story. The narrator of “dorothea” reveres her but wonders if she’s still the same soul in L.A. as she was back in their never-changing town. Whatever the answer, they’re still willing to support her no matter where she is, but she’s always welcome back in Tupelo by her hometown love’s side if she ever just wants to be herself rather than someone known for who they know. Besides, they’re the only soul who can tell which smiles she’s faking. And you can always return to the road not taken. Best lyric: “They all wanna be ya / but are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers? / Well, I guess I’ll never know / and you’ll go on with the show.”

9. coney island feat. The National What really started the folklore / evermore journey was Taylor’s love for The National. Taylor has cited them as one of her favorite bands for many years, and as we know, this led to her beautiful new collaborative relationship with Aaron Dessner. So it would make sense for the track written with the intention of this duet to be so well executed; you can feel the love and care Taylor put into writing this song. In her press for these sister albums, she has spoken about trying to channel frontman Matt Berninger’s writing style. But what actually happened was she just produced her own signature lyricism at its sharpest. “We were like the mall before the internet, it was the one place to be / the mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams / sorry for not winning you an arcade ring over and over,” is a hall of famer Swift-ian lyric. “coney island” explores the confusion, hurt, and self-reflection when a passionate affair burns out fast because you did not prioritize that person. And to top it off, Swift and Berninger’s harmonies are achingly beautiful, transporting you right there in the story, on the bench, wondering, over and over. Best lyric: “Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? / Will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

10. ivy Leave it to Taylor Swift to make a song about an affair sound so romantic, and so sympathetic to the narrator, that you’re rooting for adultery. “ivy” tells the tale of a woman in a lifeless marriage, likening her home with him to the tombstone that the widow in town visits each day. I like to think this is the same wife whose husband was out there building other worlds without her in “tolerate it,” because then that means she found someone who celebrates her love, who holds her pain for her, who blooms all over her; they started it, but she’s fighting for it all the way to the end, nonetheless. “ivy” showcases Swift’s gorgeous vocals and her sharp lyrics, with a melody so infectious it is bound to permanently plant its roots in your dreamland. Best lyric: “Oh, I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland / my house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I’m covered in you.”

11. cowboy like me With the beautifully blended backing vocals of Marcus Mumford, “cowboy like me” is an entrancing love story of two con artists who lost at their own game and got conned into forever with each other. She’d gone from swindling old men for their money and fancy cars to falling victim to the danger of dancing with someone who only has eyes full of stars, and she knows she’ll pay for it. “cowboy like me” is one of the most romantic tracks on the record, proving that life never plays out quite as we plan. Best lyric: “Now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon / with your boots beneath my bed / Forever is the sweetest con.”

12. long story short One of the more pop-sounding tracks on evermore, “long story short” is pretty much a summary of the long story behind reputation (2017). The song is filled with various metaphors for her reputation crumbling around her, and then finally putting her defenses down to be with her lover, someone as “rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky.” It is a sweet ode to her boyfriend, and a gentle comfort to her past self that it will all work out. But it is also an oddly relatable example of how we shrug off our struggles and minimize them to just a “bad time,” when the time she is singing about was obviously something that deeply affected her (as will be further explored in the title track); but sometimes it actually feels good to just shrug it off as just a blip in your life, because at the end of the day, you survived, and that’s what counts- even if you’re not keeping score anymore. Best lyric: “Pushed from the precipice / clung to the nearest lips / long story short, it was the wrong guy. / Now I’m all about you.”

13. marjorie Whereas track 13 on folklore was a tribute to Swift’s paternal grandfather, evermore’s track 13 is a tribute to her maternal grandmother, Marjorie Finlay, who was an opera singer in the 50s, and passed away in 2003 when Taylor was 13 years old. “marjorie” is quite possibly the most touching track Taylor has ever written thus far in her career. Grief is one of the most difficult topics to tackle in a song; the genius of “marjorie” is that it is simple, yet not understated. Swift reflects on the profound lessons she learned from her grandmother, about the difficult balances of kindness and cleverness, and politeness and power. She curses herself for not cherishing the moments she had with her, for complaining rather than understanding in the moment how admirable her spirit was, for all the amber skies she’d love but will never see. The chorus, blunt and hard-hitting, reminds us that someone does not have to be living to be alive, to be all around, to be with us. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were singing to me now,” Taylor sings towards the end of the song, right before you hear a sample of Finlay’s opera singing in the background, a truly eye-swelling moment. It is clear that Finlay played a pivotal role in Swift’s own ambitions, as she sings, “all your closets of backlogged dreams, and how you left them all to me.” Marjorie knew she was leaving them in good hands. If you haven’t yet, check out the moving lyric video for the song, where you can see photos and video clips of Marjorie, both throughout her career and in her time with Taylor. Best lyric: “Never be so polite you forget your power, / never wield such power you forget to be polite.”

14. closure On the most experimental track musically on the record, Taylor writes off her need for closure from a relationship of some sort, whether it be romantic or platonic or business, all of which can cause hurt of equal intensity. The subject of the song is trying to make nice with Taylor, and she is just not having it, as it is not coming from a genuine place, but rather to ensure that their life remains picture perfect, or to clear their guilty conscience, or to preserve their own ego. This is a deeply relatable sentiment; as valuable as forgiveness can be, sometimes the person who hurt you just doesn’t deserve it, and all you can do is forgive yourself for blocking their number or shredding their letters. Best lyric: “I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life / staying friends would iron it out so nice.”

15. evermore feat. Bon Iver To close out the standard edition of the album, Taylor joins forces once again with Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, with whom she collaborated on the Grammy-nominated duet, “exile” for folklore. However, Swift leads most of the track this time, lamenting the difficult time she went through in 2016. The piano and Swift’s vocals are haunting, particularly when she describes this time in her life as “catching my death,” consumed by a pain that she feels will never end. If you’ve ever been depressed, you know what that feels like, and the dark places it leads you. Although she is singing about a time four years prior, it sounds so present, and it is heartbreaking to hear her in such a state. When Bon Iver comes in, the tempo of the song picks up, the piano riff becomes more erratic, like a winter storm hitting you in the face, and he voices all the anxieties of the cost of such a downfall. But through those anxieties, Taylor finds not a cure, but an anchor in love, and then the tempo slows back down. By the end of the song, Taylor has the foresight to understand that although it may not feel like it now, the pain she is experiencing is not permanent (a sentiment my therapist has been trying to instill in me for years). In her Apple Music interview with Zane Lowe, Taylor explained how the lyrics parallel the times we are in currently, and so it feels really special to have the album end with someone who knows how it feels to be imprisoned by your pain gently comfort us with the wisdom that “this pain wouldn’t be for evermore.” I hope one day soon, as we leave 2020 far behind, we can all truly believe her. Best lyric: “I was catching my breath / barefoot in the wildest winter catching my death.”

16. right where you left me (bonus track) The first bonus track on evermore, “right where you left me,” captures a moment so earth-crushing, a piece of you is trapped in it forever. In this song specifically, the narrator finds herself stuck in the same corner of a restaurant where she was told by someone she loved that they had met someone else. “Glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on,” she sings in mourning. We have all experienced those moments that we could teleport back to if we just closed our eyes; the scenery, what you wore, the smell and taste of the season, the very point in your body where it felt like your insides were collapsing. Or that one particular person, who is long-gone from your life but seeing them is like time-travelling back to that person you once were, ready to pick up where you left off. But as much as you want to stay in that moment forever, just in case it changes in your favor, the cold reality is that the world stops for no one. Best lyric: “If our love died young, I can’t bear witness / And it’s been so long, but if you ever think you got it wrong / I’m right where you left me.”

17. it’s time to go (bonus track) “right where you left me” was Taylor’s cry for help to get out of restaurant, and “it’s time to go” is the answer to the call, as she sings in the first line, “when the dinner gets cold, and the chatter gets old / you ask for the tab.” This song is about gathering the strength to leave situations and relationships behind that no longer serve you. She grieves the betrayal of someone she thought to be a twin from her dreams (almost definitely referring to former friend, Karlie Kloss), acknowledges that keeping a marriage together for the sake of the kids often actually has the opposite intended effect (possibly- but not certainly- something she and her brother experienced), and recounts attempting to bargain with someone consumed by greed, only able to leave with herself (absolutely referring to the end of her fifteen-year long business relationship with Scott Borchetta, her former record-label owner). But as painful as leaving all of those situations was, Taylor has gained the wisdom to understand that walking away sometimes takes as much strength as persevering. You can’t stay at the restaurant, or at the mercy of someone else forever; you have to forge your own path, even if it’s in the opposite direction of what you envisioned for so long. And even with all her past success behind her, as folklore and evermore have proved, there is so much more ahead of her. Best lyric: “That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul / You know when it’s time to go.”

In a time where we are all trapped in our homes and in our heads, the folklore/evermore experience has been the sweetest escape. If anything, the creation of these wonderful sister records has taught me that our most powerful tool in times of distress is our own imagination. Even just the ability to close my eyes while listening to one of these tracks and feel the character’s story is a gift. The way I’ve always been able to pick up Harry Potter and escape to Hogwarts when I’ve felt alone and friendless, I can listen to folklore and evermore when I feel scared or hopeless and escape into this enchanted forest Taylor has built, where I can climb above the trees and see it all for what it is. I feel so lucky to watch Taylor’s imaginative world unravel around me. I can’t wait to see what she creates next.

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: I would literally die for this bitch.  

[mollrat101]

I’ve talked about this with @jennamacaroni that I’m not convinced by Deborah saying that Kathy didn’t like that Deborah’s career mattered more to her than she did and that’s why she betrayed her. 

I think that’s Deborah’s current conclusion, but I don’t think it’s accurate. 

To me, my read on Kathy is that she’s a tragic character. Not because she’s the true victim in all of this. But because she’s been haunted by a horrible decision she made in her early 20′s that lost her the most important person to her and has dealt with the guilt ever since. 

We know that Frank was jealous of Deborah’s ambition and success. 

But we’re not given any reason to think this is true of Kathy. Deb talks about Kathy and Frank as if they were the same person with the same motivations, but that can’t be true. Kathy is her own person. 

The magazine and newspaper clippings all about Deborah’s accomplishments in the package Kathy sends Deb in 1.03 would actually suggest Kathy was quite proud of her sister. She’s been holding onto that stuff for over 40 years. She had a tape of the unaired pilot which Kathy must have hidden from Frank because that was the exact thing he was so pissed about that he ruined Deb’s life. 

I can imagine Kathy watching that pilot over and over again, realizing the role she played in hurting that young woman she loved. 

And realizing that she made a grave miscalculation. 

My theory is this: Kathy was insecure about Deb’s success, but that was because she was afraid Deb would abandon her when she got famous. 

Think about it. 

Kathy lost her parents at even younger age than Deb. All her life she’s only known her older sister as her caregiver and protector. Her entire world revolves around Deborah. 

Then her sister starts to get famous and she’s thrilled for her because she knows how talented and driven Deb is. But she can’t help but be insecure thinking “Why is Deborah going to want to have me around, when she’s a famous comedian? When she gets to hang out with all these famous people? Why wouldn’t she ditch me? I’m not anyone special”. 

Frank preys on that insecurity. Again, Kathy is a young woman in her early 20′s and this older man starts saying how they can relate to each other because Deb is sidelining them. Saying all the things that Kathy is insecure about are true. 

I don’t really want to dive into to how much Kathy did or didn’t love Frank for real, it’s hard to say. But she was definitely attracted to him and maybe she always was, but she saw how much creative chemistry he and Deb had. 

The point is that Frank was seething with envy and feeling emasculated by his wife being more successful than him. He wanted to make her pay. And a great way to do that would’ve been to cut her off from her biggest ally: Kathy. 

I think Kathy’s biggest problems are that she was weak and passive. Deb was always the more assertive one. Kathy just went along with things, trying not to make that much of a fuss. 

She didn’t tell Deborah how she was feeling, she just fell into Frank’s lies. 

And in the unaired pilot, Deborah says how she’s looking forward to sharing this new career opportunity with her family. 

So clearly, Kathy’s insecurity was wrong. We know how loyal Deb is. She was never going to abandon Kathy. 

Except Kathy then did the exact thing that would’ve made Deb abandon her. Her insecurity about being left by Deb caused Deb to leave her and not talk to her for 44 years. 

And, of course, it’s easy to be like “well that’s just stupid. what did she think was going to happen if she slept with her sister’s husband?” Again, it’s not about rationality. Besides this is like a woman who’s 21-22 at this point, her brain hasn’t even fully developed yet, of course she made a stupid decision. She got seduced by an older, manipulative man. 

I think, once everything blew up, Kathy immediately realized her mistake. But by then it was too late. Frank wasn’t going to let go of his crusade against Deb and Kathy wasn’t going to be able to stop the public from ganging up on Deb. 

But a good question is...why didn’t Kathy just leave Frank then? Why did she stay with him for 44 years? 

Caused she was scared. If she left Frank, then Kathy truly had no one. Not her sister, not her niece. Nobody. Her greatest fear. 

But that’s also why her attempts to talk to Deb the past few decades have failed, this makes her look like a hypocrite. Like I said, Kathy’s problem is that she’s weak and pretty passive. 

Once Frank dies, Kathy gets bolder. Now he can’t stand in her way. 

And I’m sure Kathy hasn’t given up. I will give it to Kathy one thing, it takes a lot of love and commitment to keep trying to contact someone who hates you for 4 decades. This to me suggests how remorseful Kathy was and how much, unlike Frank, she really did love Deb. 

Eventually, Deb can’t outrun a confrontation with Kathy anymore. Eventually, she’s going to have to face her. 

Deb has been making her own conclusions about why Kathy did what she did, but I’m sure she’s terrified to actually hear Kathy explain. There’s not going to be a good enough answer. She was insecure, weak, passive and she fell for the lies of a manipulative man. 

I’m not saying all this to suggest Deb has to forgive Kathy. She doesn’t. 

I just think there’s three (or four counting DJ) sides to this story and we have yet to hear Kathy’s side. Deborah has yet to hear Kathy’s side.