#my diaries [aether]

[elizabethaethertownusa]

From diary last night

When I try to write in a straightforward discursive way, making explicit all my travel points, I always seem to leave my own mind and reasoning almost immediately. Even here, when I am alone. I combine and recombine, with my real thoughts manipulatively concealed, apparent in flashes and only if you are looking.

It is because one of my fundamental beliefs, one of my concept-shaping beliefs, is that I cannot make myself understood. I am driven almost completely by my need to speak, and I am maybe to a crazy degree certain that I ought to be listened to, and I am also certain that by no means can I ever make myself understood or understandable.

I am only really honest when I am able to leave much of my process elided—as I am in fiction and poetry. I can be accurate there because my concern is almost never "how can I say this in a way which will be understood" and always "how can I say this as accurately as possible". It seems like maybe I need liberation from the effort to be understood in order to accurately describe my own thoughts. This seems, emotionally, to require that I leave steps out.

I don't think it is intrinsically required. And my need to be liberated from the anxiety I associate with making myself understood—my fundamental despair of being understood—is different from a need to leave reason, or accuracy, or coherence, or reality. My anxiety does not have to do with what is understandable or expressible: I am anxious that I will not be followed. When I begin, as soon as I begin, to make an effort to be followed, I begin to alter what I mean to say. Only when I move without any concern about whether or not I will be followed, as I move in fiction and poetry, do I write with any depth.

For me, for now, the emotional mechanism by which I access this confidence is elision. It might not be necessary forever. I think it is necessary aesthetically maybe. It is sacred for sure.

[apollo-zero-one]

Hey squad I just spent literally 3 hours writing out a post and when I finally hit send Tumblr said "Whoops! Try again?" And did Not save it as a draft, so, um, I'm just going to go to bed now.

[i-eat-cars-and-berriesss]

Am I in love with a green stoner wolf who told me to go on a diet? Yes.

[otomiyaa]

Nim's Lovely Tickletober 

31 Tickle Drabbles in October 🧡

Hi all! This will be the post where I'll eventually collect my Tickletober fics in a masterlist, starting tomorrow! I'll be using the #lovelytickletober list made by @lovelynim.

The plan is to write tickle drabbles for each day, pairings/fandoms were chosen by yours truly for maximized self-indulgence but hopefully there'll be something that you guys can enjoy with me💕

I'll do something I didn't do last time which is announcing my pairings before publishing the fics👇 This because for most I've got the ideas and outlines pretty much done so I want to make it difficult for myself to change my mind at the last minute!

LINK TO AO3 COLLECTION

Day 1: “Ready?” - Lee!Chigiri x Ler!Kunigami (Blue Lock)

Day 2: Accident - Lee!Chilchuck x Ler!Senshi (Dungeon Meshi)

Day 3: Cleaning - Switches!Hoshina x Kafka (Kaiju No. 8)

Day 4: Upside down - Lee!Loid x Ler!Yor (SPY x FAMILY)

Day 5: (Un)tie - Lee!Yuri x Ler!Otabek (Yuri On Ice)

Day 6: Order - Lee!Kuroo x Ler!Tsukishima (Haikyuu)

Day 7: Teaching - Lee!Solomon x Ler!Beelzebub (Obey Me)

Day 8: Exposed body part - Lee!Boothill x Ler!Argenti (Honkai Star Rail)

Day 9: Dance - Lee!Adachi x Ler!Kurosawa (Cherry Magic)

Day 10: In secret - Lee!Henry x Ler!Alex (Red, White & Royal Blue)

Day 11: Noise - Switches!Ed x Winry (FMA Brotherhood)

Day 12: Wall - Switches!Clark x Lois (My Adventures with Superman)

Day 13: Alone - Lee!Kaveh x Ler!Alhaitham (Genshin Impact)

Day 14: High - Lee!Hachi x Ler!Nana (Nana)

Day 15: Faking it - Lee!Hisashi x Ler!Mao (Tasogare Outfocus)

Day 16: Doctor - Lee!Sawyer x LerJack (LOST)

Day 17: Underwater - Lee!Xiao x Ler!Aether (Genshin Impact)

Day 18: Clothes - Lee!Deku x Ler!Bakugou (BNHA)

Day 19: Make up - Lee!Gepard x Ler!Sampo (Honkai Star Rail)

Day 20: Posing - Lee!Lyney x Ler!Wriothesley (Genshin Impact)

Day 21: Singing - Lee!Dan Heng x Ler!Caelus (Honkai Star Rail)

Day 22: Cheating - Lee!Miyamura x Ler!Hori (Horimiya)

Day 23: Money - Lee!Jinshi x Ler!Maomao (The Apothecary Diaries)

Day 24: Bully - Lee!Reader x Ler!Sylus (Love and Deepspace)

Day 25: “No.” - Lee!Wade x Ler!Colossus (Deadpool)

Day 26: Timer - Lee!Aventurine x Ler!Ratio (Honkai Star Rail)

Day 27: Picky - Lee!Cherry x Ler!Joe (SK8 the Infinity)

Day 28: “The number you have dialed…” - Lee!Takeda x Ler!Ukai (Haikyuu)

Day 29: Help - Lee!Moze x Ler!Jiaoqiu (Honkai Star Rail)

Day 30: Magic - Lee!Frieren x Ler!Himmel (Sousou no Frieren)

Day 31: Rest - Lee!Narumi x Ler!Hirotaka (Wotakoi)

[razorblade180]

Genshin Polycule Things

Aether:Zzzz

Amber:*big spoon*Zzzz

xxxxx

Aether:But what if it isn’t pure all the way through?

Xiao:Just skim the top layer of snow. A little dirt is no worse than karma-

Keqing:*carrying Ganyu* She fell asleep on the trip…

Xiao:*takes Ganyu* You could’ve said my name.

Keqing:I have that right?

Xiao:You’re with my partner and closest friend. It’s not an issue.

Keqing:Ah… I wish I knew that. Aether, legs….

Aether:*picks her up*

Keqing:Thank you.

Aether:Does that curtesy extend to all my partners?

Xiao:*grumbles* I will think about it.

xxxxx

Aether:*walks in*

Scara:Well if isn’t the resident bicycle.

Aether:….*tears up* The what?

Scara:!? It was a joke! Relax!

Mona:*closes book* Scara…

Scara:Relax!!!! Aether, insult me back!

xxxxx

Yanfei:Madam Ping! I need your advice! Can you read this for me and tell me what you think?

Ping:….This is just a letter from the Traveler asking how you’ve been.

Yanfei:Yeah, but he wrote “My dearest, Yanfei” instead of “My dearest Yanfei,” with the comma after my name! Was that intentional or a mistake!

Ping:….

Ping:Bless your heart.

Yanfei:Not helping!

xxxxx

Kamisato porch

Aether:*enjoying the scenery*

Ayaka:*leaning on him*

Ayato:*opens door* I’m back Ayaka. How are things?

Ayaka:*drinking tea at the table* Uneventful.

Ayato:Is that so? Hello Aether. Enjoying our garden?

Aether: *20 feet away* Yep! Thought I’d swing by and say hello.

Ayato:Hehe, so it seems.

xxxxx

Waiter: Your total will be 1000 mora.

Amber:Okay. That’s easy enough t-

Aether:*puts down 1000*

Eula:I’ll handle the tip. *gives 1001*

Aether and Amber:….

Eula:What? Did you think I’d allow myself to lose to you? We are both treating her.

Aether:Lose t- I paid the tab! I would’ve let you spend 600 while I gave 500 mora!

Eula:…These are the type conversations that should be discussed beforehand!

Amber:Frankly, I’m just happy you both agreed to this. *smiles* I like this quality time. *holds their hand*

Eula and Amber: *silently bashful*

xxxxx

Aether:Zzzz

Scaramouche:Zzzzz

Mona:*in the middle*….(Why do they insist on me in the middle when one of them will never to pee!!!)

xxxxx

Aether:*starting a fire*

Charlotte:*focuses lens*

Aether:Uh is this really picture worthy?

Charlotte:I’m just testing out my new zoom function.

Aether:So what, the focus is on my hands?

Charlotte:Uh huh. *zooms in on crop top*

xxxxx

Furina:*head on his lap* Aether?

Aether:*playing with her hair* What’s up?

Furina:Is this what healing feels like?

Aether:I’d like to think so. If not, then we’ll find another way.

Furina:Hmm *closes eyes* This is perfect.

xxxxxx

Tighnari:Welcome to the seminar on proper forest travel. Everyone, find a seat.

Aether:*sits on a chair*

Nilou:*sits in his lap*

Collei:*red* N-Nilou? I think there’s a few more chairs.

Nilou:I saw, but all Tighnari said was to find a seat. Someone else can have the chair.

Cyno:You make a compelling argument, but I’m that’s not what Tighnari-

Candace:*sits on Cyno’s lap*

Cyno:Please begin whenever you’re ready.

Tighnari:This is not what I meant when I said “bring a friend.”

xxxxxx

Aether:Do you ever wonder what Kokomi writes about in her diary?

Gorou:Not really. It’s her business.

Aether:Yeah, you’re right.

……

Aether and Gorou:(I can’t let him know she’s let me read the pages about him.)

xxxxx

Aether:Paimon, I’m going on a date. I already made your lunch and dinner.

Paimon:Tell Keqing hello for Paimon.

Aether:…How’d you know it was Keqing?

Paimon:You woke up ten minutes earlier than usual and got a head start on commissions. Now you’re leaving after chores and your braid redone.

Aether:….

Aether:Can you not watch me so keenly?

Paimon:Nope.

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

okay I’m hoping this makes sense, the papa witht a s/o that is scared of sleeping, like sleeping makes them super anxious and it’s hard for them to sleep comfortably

It makes sense anon, dw!! I've been in that position before, so I will somewhat be writing from my own experience for these headcanons <3

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐨

Primo gets this completely, and he's incredibly patient and kind

He makes you cups of herbal team to help calm your nerves

Will stay awake with you until you doze off

Stays by your side the whole time so that he's there for you if you wake up in a panic

He'll reassure you and try to help you rationalise anything that's playing on your mind and making you feel anxious

Primo also has a supply of the most comfortable pillows and blankets he keeps in a cupboard for whenever you wish to stay over in his room

If he's particularly worried about you and your lack of sleep, he'll suggest going to the doctor's or a therapist with you to help with your anxiety around sleep

Always has fresh lavender in his room as he knows it can be a very relaxing, calming scent that helps people sleep easier

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨

Also a tea man

As someone who could sleep through a hurricane, Secondo perhaps doesn't understand as much as Primo does

Don't get me wrong, he does understand. Just not to the extent that Primo does because of how heavy he sleeps and having never had difficulty sleeping at night

He does, of course, support you through it and has learned various grounding techniques for when your anxiety starts to spike at bedtime

He keeps a dossette box of sleeping pills in his en suite bathroom for nights where other methods of getting you to sleep don't work, but he only uses these as a last resort when literally nothing else works

Secondo will also stay awake with you until you drift off. He makes sure that he holds you the whole time, even if it results in him sleeping in waht others would consider uncomfortable positions such as sitting up against a headboard

While Primo is a lavender guy, Secondo is a scented candle guy

He gets a shit ton of scented candles of your favourite scents and will light them while you both do your bedtime routine so that you have a calming scent to focus on

𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐳𝐨

Terzo is the first person to tell you that you need to talk about your anxiety with a professional

He'll get you in touch with one of the therapists from the Ministry, he'll even pay for you to go to the best therapist in town if you'd prefer not to talk to someone who works in the abbey

He's going to be there with you all the way

He'll help you rationalise your anxious thoughts and worries surrounding going to sleep and even encourages you to keep a sleep diary

He might also encourage you to try and sleep by downloading Pokemon Sleep onto your phones so that it's like you're getting rewarded for sleeping

He's all cuddles and cooing and soothing words if you get upset at the prospect of sleeping

He's going to stay awake as long as possible even after you fall asleep in case you wake up in the night and need him to comfort you

He'll position you so that you're laying on top of him when you sleep, his arms wrapped around you protectively as he softly sings lullabies and songs to remind you that he's there, he's not going anywhere, and he loves you deeply

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐚

You and Copia are kindred spirits in these regards

He's no stranger to fitful nights of tossing and turning, being too scared to fall asleep in case the nightmares return and haunt him once again

Talking you through your own anxiety around sleep is what makes him realise that he needs help too and that he can't be giving you all of this advice if he doesn't take it himself

Will attend therapy with you

Talks about his own experiences and anxiety and fears so that you don't feel like you're going through this on your own

On those nights where neither of you can sleep, he invites Aether for a sleepover so that he can use his quintessence powers to give you both a dreamless sleep for the night

Copia probably has a giant tub full of various herbal teas Primo has given him to help with sleep that he's never used until you came along

You both often have nighttime video game marathons on the nights where you can't sleep and don't want to bother Ather. You both end up waking the next morning with the game over screen flashing at you, game controllers abandoned on the blankets, and your bodies intertwined

[ballad-of-encore]

MUSE LIST + RULES !

i have no idea how much, but there's mostly females since i'm most comfortable with playing female characters asides from enstars and league HELLLLL

more hidden under the tab <3

please note that characters that are bolded are main muses!

MUSES

PROJECT SEKAI

An Shiraishi, Kohane Azusawa, Akito Shinonome, Toya Aoyagi, Mizuki Akiyama, Haruka Kiritani, Airi Momoi, Emu Otori

ENSEMBLE STARS

Ritsu Sakuma, Natsume Sakasaki, Sora Harukawa, Shu Itsuki, Subaru Akehoshi, Izumi Sena, Hokuto Hidaka, Mao Isara

WUTHERING WAVES

Female Rover, Encore

GENSHIN IMPACT

Lumine, Ayaka Kamisato, Arlecchino, Eula, Hu Tao, Xiao, Venti, Aether, Zhongli

MAGI

Kougyoku Ren, Morgiana, Kouha Ren

OSHI NO KO

Akane Kurokawa, Ai Hoshino, Minami Kotobuki

LEAGUE OF LEGENDS

Ezreal, Aphelios, Kayn, Ahri, Seraphine — please note that all of them are meant to be roleplayed in their Riot Music alternate universe!

BUNGO STRAY DOGS

Atsushi Nakajima, Kyoka Izumi

MIRACULOUS LADYBUG

Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Kagami Tsurugi

ONE PIECE

Uta, Nami, Trafalgar Law (ONLY mlw pairings)

OTHERS

Maomao (Apothecary Diaries), Lucy Heartfilia (Fairy Tail), Shinobu Kocho (Demon Slayer), Diana Cavendish (Little Witch Academia), Mikasa Ackerman (Attack on Titan), Noelle Silva (Black Clover), Gen Asagiri (Dr. Stone), Anya Forger (Spy x Family), Kaoruko Waguri (Kaoruhana), Mizi (Alien Stage)

RULES

please comment on here first if you want to rp with me!

mlw, mlm + wlw and all gender-inclusive pairings allowed, but i'd rather have mlw roleplays preferably :)

rp asks allowed, but only sfw!

if you want to do an rp ask, please state which one of the characters above that you want to interact with!

in contrast, as i'm of age, i am capable of doing nsfw writing even though i'm publicly embarrassed to say so LMAO. i'd rather keep all the nsfw stuff to private/dms thanksies <3 (OR A GOOGLE DOCS. LORD KNOWS HOW MUCH THIS GIRL CAN TYPE.)

but in the event that the plot requires characters to be aged up (e.g., marriage, drinking shenanigans, college/university setting, etc.), that is ALSO allowed

OCS WELCOMED!!! i am NOT against cc x oc roleplay as i also have my own original characters i roleplay and yap about!!!

AUs are SO welcomed, genuinely

characters of all ages are allowed!!

romantic and platonic are highly preferred!

i don't do well with horror, nor am i all that great at action scenes, so i'm 100% more partial to a fluff and light-hearted setting!

you don’t always gotta give me a plot, just give me a character, the setting, and WE BALL!!!

crossover pairings, multiships, polyamory—all are welcome, but in terms of polyamory, i'd be fine if it's just between three people :'D

please also note that there are also canon ships from certain fandom/media that i prefer to not roleplay as i primarily see them as friends and nothing else! (eg., anhane, shin soukoku, atsushi and kyoka)

if you ask to roleplay on another platform, then it would be discord i'm most comfortable with!

if you're a minor and ask for nsfw roleplay, then i'm sorry, but i'm turning you down because i'd be comfortable doing that with an adult.

do NOT control my character, i will actually be turned off from replying for a long while if this happens.

this list will grow as i figure tumblr out more! (despite being a user for... several years now... sigh...)

RP CARD: symphonic encore

[cattstarr]

I'm triple A: Asexual, Aromantic and Agender. I often just say I'm nonbinary though, cuz that's a mouthful. Only one person made me romantic for them and if you're new, he died. My story is fucking long but only know my truth. I'm not gonna beg anyone to acknowledge my identity. If you do, you're amazing and if you stick around, happily tell you my story. It's all have left.

Pronouns: they/them

Neopronouns: æth/aether (æthself/ætherself)

You don't have to use my neopronouns, but yes do use them. Mainly in my diary and stuff. I see mnyself as an "ethereal entity" I guess. Not godly or magical... But a species that lacks gender/sex. Which is where the pronouns come from. I spell it with "æ" (called the letter Ash) because my identity wouldn't be complete without being a pretentious asshole. And if you recognize this from a certain musical fandom lI'm tethered to, no you don't.

[jazz-bazz]

Lab Coat AU

very self indulgent au (sometimes also kinda diary dump) bcs this major stressing me out and ghouls make things better… so might as well stress out the ghouls by projecting, also kinda manifesting 🤞

the idea came from talking about ghouls with @hypnoneghoul when we’re both in class 😬 and i thought ‘nuclear scientist dew with a messy bun in lab goggles’ then @alwaysjustmina asked me about it and she wrote a little something (thank you so much 🖤) and i ran with it… and it took a 90° turn bcs it ended up being different, though the coffee shop is still there and phantom also works there, but now rain is also a scientist and everyones a scientist and some are professors, and yeah, you get it

the general idea is that they’re all scientists working in the same building, though they have different topics and are working for different degree levels, but theyre close friends, even the profs are also nice and chill (unlike mine)

on the weekends they do various things, but often get together for some down time at zenith, copias bar. oh and they also often get lunch together at terzo‘s diner or snacks at the coffee shop phantoms working at

dew and rain are pining for each other (so said the other ghouls who have a bet going on, actually theyve been secretly dating since their fifth semester, and rain is planning to propose after they’re both done with their phds but dew got there first 😂, copia knows bcs rain was drunk)

copia and aether are dating, sunshine and mountain have been on several dates and we’re just waiting for mountain to ask her out, swiss is courting phantom and phantoms also crushing on aurora…

who else hmm… i kinda wanna have zephfrit but i have no idea how to connect their storylines… and cirrus cumulus… i have too many ghouls and no idea how to connect them 😭

under the cut i put their research topics and the degree theyre working on, and also what they do on weekends, which is not gonna interest anyone but me but 🤷‍♀️

side note : these are inspired by real professors and lab supervisors in my own university, and also the building layout are also kinda based on my own, and some misc facts too… okay im basing a lot of this on my own uni 😬 let me make make my life sounds more interesting than it actually is okay, and also i need distractions

side side note : im aiming to do my bachelor‘s degree end of this year, and my current plan is to do it in the group im basing mist‘ from… who knows how that will go, but hey, manifesting

also special mention to you guys who patiently read through my ramblings @webbyghoul @sexy-sea-basss and @mikorsghouls who said you wanted to hear about this

OrgChem :

Mist -> (Prof) Photosensitive molecules in biological processes

Rain -> (PhD) Bioluminescence for cancer research, has etsy shop for crochet plushies

Cumulus -> (Prof) Environmentally friendly substitutes, weekends volunteer at hospital

Mountain -> (PhD) CFC for environment, helps at the family owned flower shop

Swiss -> (Master) SF6 substitute for cooling mediums, sings at local bar on weekends

TheoChem :

Cirrus -> (Prof) Highly precise method to research the structure of matter and fundamental interactions, coffee shop manager for weekends

Zephyr -> (PhD) Vibronic effects in electronic transitions, play piano with Swiss at the bar

Cowbell -> (Master) Compounds of heavy elements and their properties

PhysChem :

Omega -> (Prof) Quintessence / Dark energy and dark matter, volunteer at the hospital on weekends

Dew -> (PhD) Nuclear physics for dark matter, interaction of WIMP (weakly interacting massive particles) with nuclear matter (modeling the WIMP-Nucleus interaction), teaches some kids guitar on weekends or evenings

Aether -> (PhD) Dark energy and Einstein’s theory of gravity

(these 3 are less physchem and more just phys)

Alpha -> (Prof) Surface chem for harvest, storage, and transformation of energy

Sunshine -> (Master) Development of long lasting low cost solid batteries, work at the city library on weekends

InorgChem :

Special -> (Prof) Controlled electron transfer at heavy metal complexes

Ifrit -> (Master) Metalorganic catalysts from transition metals

Aurora -> (Undergrad) Med student, coffee shop regular

Phantom -> (Undergrad) Chem, coffee shop barista

[shanieveh]

BACK TO DECEMBER — late night drinking buddies !

SCARAMOUCHE — the new kid everyone has mixed feeling about. he rarely talks to anyone not until childe adopted him and forced him to be in his friend group. he didn't know the school had you in it, and when he found out he will do everything for you to notice him again.

CHILDE — will probably already be suspended if not for his rich parents. childe is your average highschooler if not for the way he unsuccessfully causes havoc in the school. the guys hate him, but the girls, oh they write diaries and say incredible confessions in which he awkwardly avoids.

KAZUHA — sweet and gentle guy every single teacher likes. he goes about his day fixing everything and being very patient with anyone he comes across with. he creates ethereal poems, but don't let that fool you, once a drinking session is on course, he says the weirdest shit imaginable.

ALHAITHAM — he was here because he heard that they liked alcohol but now he becomes a tired sad dad of 7 children all of which had too many trauma injected in their bodies. although he is known for his boyfriend, a lot of people still crush on this dude, only to be met with kaveh's broom stick.

AETHER — he is literslly shipped with the whole campus, and even his sister's crush. he is very helpful in every single event but for some reason still not apart of the student council but he doesn't mind. he finds scaramouche annoying at first but they became very close after a while and now he knows the whole drama between you and him.

ALBEDO — the weirdest once you get to know him. scaramouche thought he was the cool guy who is smart and handsome, but boy was he wrong. albedo is a caffeine addict who talks too much about research and science, but they don't mind because he lets you copy off his paper.

CYNO — if this bitch can't shut up about his boyfriend, it isn't about his jokes anymore, it's about how he shows his family everytime he doesn't get what he wants, and even tighnari gets tired of it. but he really doesn't like you for what you did to scaramouche, especially when he sees the dude in tears in their third drinking session.

HEIZOU — he connected the dots, actually he didn't connect shit. typa guy you see with a magnifying glass but doesn't actually use it. he flirts with a lot of people, but hey atleast he asked scaramouche's permission when he flirted with you (scara chase him away)

BACK TO DECEMBER — masterpost || reading club

SUMMARY: you were childhood bestfriends with scaramouche, and with many unanswered confessions and one sided goodbyes, you both meet again, but now he wears a cold glance even turning agressive when his eyes wander yours, and it all came down the day he became the top of your class, beating you and rejoicing in success. his smile was because of your pain. maybe you could turn back time where promises actually never broke, and love was a beautiful thing.

TAGLIST: @yukiipc @wanderchive @user11918163805279 @gekkow @moon-320 @meowmeowmau @mine-lu @sunaaa @lxkeeeee @faaariiii-world @lazy-sanns @starlightaura @ynverse @ukinya @peachysunflowerOx @creammpuff @scarlightsworld @sakurapeach @sketcheeee @divinechicha @trasshy-artist @virette @kyouzki @redsrrrr @ahseya @1999mercury @slu7 @tatiratty @naheana

NOTES: i will fix this and deepen it after i get my laptop for my phone has an image limit thank you for understanding

[elizabethaethertownusa]

There has been surgery stuff in my life lately (not me). So please enjoy some sections from the diaries I kept just before a pretty low-key surgery in '21.

Thursday March 4th, ’21

Ate all of 2 Kind bars today then went to get my blood taken. My memory of last time—at Quest, first with pseudocovid then a few weeks later—was so neutral that I hadn’t really thought about this so much. Building under construction, yellow light moving in gap between big BEAR WITH US, GROWING HEALTH NEEDS OF THE VALLEY posters covering windows, seated at angles from others waiting—in [Place name] Hospital, not Quest. Memories of dad's accident. Thought it’d be quick.

The cubicles I’d forgotten about entirely from last time. An intake nurse who called an old man Honey and talked to him like a child. He told her how he’d been doing. I thought that maybe when you are old and ill the intensity of your involvement in your own illness changes the way you hear their condescension—maybe all you hear is their asking what seems to you to be natural questions about how much you’ve eaten etc. This nurse did not like me. Now I think of so many women in so many offices in school. “She’s so cute,” she said to a nurse about an old lady 2 feet away. This is the type of woman with somebody’s head in her fridge.

She asked if I needed a “companion” to walk me to the lab. Really that was an adorable way to put it and thinking of it now I soften toward her. I just don’t like it when people condescend to old folks.

Through the miserable halls just like dad's accident. Gray-green and practically tick-hum tick-hum lights like in a movie. Following the ELEVATORS LOBBY stickers on the ground. Everyone looking at me curiously. No other patients walking. As she asked if I wanted a companion a group of construction workers went past, orange, and one turned his rhino head and looked at my thighs up like that trucker of old. I found it delightful. When I passed them again I looked down with my eyes like that “American girl in Italy” because it seemed charming and also simple.

A person in a knit beanie with many many red spots on their face, hands on legs in wheelchair, not doing well but also rather more neutral than urgent, like a passenger in a sidecar, a minor clamor among nurses, this person is from the addiction center, blue square fronts of nurses and this passing, but really I am passing, awkwardly trying not to march in time with a nurse later nor to overtake her but when somebody looked at me as if I were robbing her I just sped up for the elevators.

Two windows facing each other radiology and lab like a prison in a movie. Like they’ll take my belt and wallet. Tiny room. Disney channel shouting. Raven’s House. I thought about how short and united the line of time had been from That’s So Raven to whatever this was. Has life always been so short? To children now it must be impossibly far away. But it is very close to me. Really scary dialogue. Put all those Disney producers in jail. It is scary because of its perfection, like Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney, and its bizarre, McNugget material of adult comedy, that is, comedy which is popular with adults, made perfect and miniature.

The old man from before was wheeled in. “Do you want me to leave him facing the window or do you want him on the side?” Oh that’s fine. So he stayed facing the window, close enough to me in my chair to touch. I sense he was ashamed but I may have been projecting that. Maybe there was a red-purple dot on his jaw or maybe not. Not shaven well. But I tried not to look. I thought about asking where HE would like to sit but I erred on my Chicagoan default of It would shame him to be acknowledged.

Nurse long blonde-white hair Swarovski glasses which we talked about. Weird little back area, PLEASE DO NOT PUT SAMPLES HERE, spare gurney maybe—not a clear sense of what surrounded me. Little folding arms chair. I remembered suddenly that they can’t get a vein if you’re dehydrated. On the counter vials with pretty caps, pink and yellow and blue, and was there orange? Like a pumpkin candy corn? She said “Let me guess … you absolutely love needles,” and for some reason I made a Trainspotting joke. Long thin goodlooking woman, yoga type, nor young nor old.

I didn’t look because I remembered that one funny time when the cheerful young nurse showed me my vial and the world warped like one of those sheets you wobble to make thunder noises. Blood was coming slowly. “You’re so teeny tiny,” she remarked earlier while trying to get a vein. I began to feel off and said something about it. She said we were more than halfway done. "They asked for a lot of tests." That we were more than halfway done was good to me but also bad, and I asked if I would need a second shot. The first going in had really hurt. She said no and then looking at the caps I made a joke about how it wasn’t really a shot. She laughed in recognition but yes it’s the same needle. Same species I said. Only nothing’s going in only coming out she said. I began to feel that ominous jack frost lace ice crawl up my cheekbones and temples.

Mister Pickwick voice appeared. I wonder if I might pass out, I said. Nearly there. I was better and then worse. And now it gets legitimately interesting. Interesting to experience and to think about again. Oh dear oh dear I may genuinely pass out. Fever ripple and suddenly my cheekbones frigid and sweating. I got all I need, cheerful and comforting me. I’ll stay with you as long as you need. Absolute nausea pluge and blackening eyes. “Oh dear oh dear,” I said. “I’m so sorry. This has never happened before.” I couldn’t see. I actually made the ehue ehue sound you make to pretend to cry. It was like the gravity in dreams but located in my intestines rather than the kind of erotic—though awful—dream-falling. And the same rushing as though you’re above your own falling form.

She was asking a nurse for a wet cold washcloth for my head or neck. I explained that I hadn’t eaten enough. Each time she said “She hasn’t eaten anything today,” to another nurse I corrected her, like lobbing a basketball up at an impossibly tall net: “I only ate a little. I didn’t eat enough.” I was thinking with scorn and pain of the good movie I’d watched last night, “Murder, My Sweet”, where Marlowe kept getting clubbed and drugged and the camera fills up with black from the sides like a Canadian Film Board animation—I was thinking how weak I was, watching a guy in a movie like that and identifying with him as you do and here one blood sugar drop was poignant torture, real pointed torture. So nauseous. I thought of nausea after anesthesia. I thought “I can’t do this”. Washcloth back of my neck did improve me, maybe because I willed it to. A young man nurse asking if we needed a wheel chair, there was one free. I think this was after I said “I’m afraid I’ll need someone to accompany me out.”

Take your mask off, take your mask off, early in the drop. Doublemasked per hospital law, through which I had already been having trouble breathing. Brought me ice cold water which I sipped. The young nurse had yellow points on his short braids, eyebrows up, very nice face. Do you have a history of passing out when your blood is taken? “No, no, this is the first time. I’m so sorry, guys.”

“Can you chug the water?” said the woman nurse. I had been sipping. Can I put my head down. Sure. She went to get more water. Head on the blue, airplane-blue (American Airlines) armrest, hand on my own forehead, wet and cold, dim surroundings. [I said] Thank you for your patience, etc. Came back with water, I sipped it and passed my hand over the grease mark my forehead had made really for show. Could you chug it, please. I did and asked if there was juice or something. Sugar. She asked if there was, but no, Covid or something. There’s really nothing better than chugging water! she said brightly. She was smilng and kind. Can you do a third? And I was all right after that. Guy nurse sitting on the gurney, hands between his legs like a kid on a wall. “Don’t worry, it happens all the time!” Woman nurse said, “I can’t even talk to my husband about needles. He goes ‘bleghhh!’” Hands in her blue belly, making a scrubs rumple.

I went to the bathroom, peed in the cup, surprised as always by its heat. Gratified at least that all that chugging made it easy to pee. Unsure where to put the cup. Balanced it on the trash can lid while rinsing my hands. And outside when I opened the door, close as before, the old man, me with my hot-sided sample cup of urine right there by his head. He looked at it and me. I was turning, friendly saying Where shall I put this? I had heard his voice from outside the bathroom and it was clear and strong. I wondered while turning if this would be sexually gratifying for him, the way your desires and interests get weird when you’re confined. Young woman with her breasts on display with a cup of her own recent urine—like a complete nudity; this will be porn in the future; simultaneity of all concealed body—better than Baudrillard, because I see that the organs themselves, still inside and functioning but somehow seen, will become objects of sexual interest. “Just set it there,” said the young man, and the woman said “I can take it.” I gave it to her and I thanked again, earnestly, for her kindness and patience.

While it happened I felt helpless and pathetic, but almost immediately after, I was glad at how strange and interesting it was.

[tragicsibsshowdown]

The Siblings have been Selected!

are you ready to see your favorite sets of tragic siblings go head to head? Well here are you contestants entering!

Polls will be random for the first round and continue on from there bracket style!

And if you would like to make some propaganda… well just make sure to use the tag #tragicsiblingshowdown2023 bc I do wanna see it!

Azula and Zuko from Avatar The Last Airbender

Diluc and Kaeya from Genshin Impact

Donald and Della from Ducktales 2017

Nahyuta and Apollo from Ace Attorney

Vi and Jinx from Arcane

Caleb and Phillip Wittebane from The Owl House

Mari and Sunny from OMORI

Chara and Asriel from Undertale

Luffy and Ace and Sabo from One Piece

Lucas and Claus from Mother 3

Ingo and Emmet from Pokemon

Sam & Dean Winchester from Supernatural

Ed and Al Elric from FullMetal Alchemist

Eda & Lilith Clawthorne from The Owl House

Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli from Mo Dao Zu Shi

Miles Edgeworth and Franziska Von Karma from Ace Attorney

Dick Grayson and Jason Todd from DC

Dess and Noelle from Deltarune

Rillaine and Allen from Evilious Chronicles

Elsa and Anna from Frozen

Thor and Loki from Marvel

Garmadon and Wu from Ninjago

Klavier Gavin and Kristoph Gavin from Ace Attorney

Andrés, Guillermo, Kara and Tamara from Enderbomb

Natsu & Zeref Dragneel from Fairy Tail

Floofty And Snorpy Fizzlebean from Bugsnax

Adaine and Aelwyn Abernant from Fantasy High

Maki and Mai from Jujustu Kaisen

Strelitzia and Lauriam/Marluxia from Kingdom Hearts 

Sasuke and Itachi Uchiha from Naruto

NiGHTS and Reala from NiGHTS into Dreams

Thalia and Jason Grace from Percy Jackson

Bianca  and Nico Di Angelo  from Percy Jackson

Rameses and Moses from The Prince of Egypt

Mephone 4 and 4s from Inanimate Insanity

Taako and Lup from The Adventure Zone

Ianthe and Coronabeth Tridentarius from The Locked Tomb 

Dante and Gene from Minecraft Diaries

Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire from A Series of Unfortunate Events

Kamado Tanjirou and Kamado Nezuko from Demon Slayer

Hornet and The Hollow Knight from Hollow Knight

Killua and Alluka Zoldyck from Hunter x Hunter

Celestia and Luna from My Little Pony

Vash and Knives from Trigun

Mipha and Sidon from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Lumine and Aether from Genshin Impact

Alice and Reko Yabusame from Your Turn to Die

Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost from Warrior Cats

Ponyboy and Darry from The Outsiders

Aaron and Alex Stowe from The Unwanteds

Shigeo Kageyama (Mob) and Ritsu Kageyama from Mob Psycho 100

Hiro and Tadashi Hamada from Big Hero 6

Shadow and Maria from Sonic 

Annie and Hallie from The Parent Trap

Ophelia and Laertes from Hamlet

Ajax and Teucer from The Odyssey

Yin and Jin (The Gold and Silver Demons) from Lego Monkey Kid

Starfire and Blackfire from Teen Titans

The Afton Siblings from Five Nights at Freddys

Kanna Kizuchi and Shin Tsukimi from Your Turn To Die

Hershel Layton and Jean Descole from Professor Layton

Stan and Ford Pines from Gravity Falls

Saeran and Saeyoung from Mystic Messenger

Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa from Star Wars

ROUND 1 MASTERPOST

Post-Round One Update

ROUND 2 MASTERPOST

ROUND 3 MASTERPOST

ROUND 4 MASTERPOST

ROUND 5 MASTERPOST

REVIVAL ROUND 1 MASTERPOST

REVIVAL ROUND 2 MASTERPOST

REVIVAL ROUND 3 MASTERPOST

REVIVAL ROUND 4 MASTERPOST

FINAL ROUND MASTER POST

[help-an-alter]

we have three alters who need help with their identities.

one is very cutesy, hyper femme egirl. she's been here for a little while. she wants things related to lovesick, gorey, and video game themes! she would like names, pronouns, and things she would enjoy.

the one is a bit confusing. they're not a human, they mimic humans. they don't talk often. they're very much connected to liminal horror. they want names and things to do. neutral names preferably.

the last one is connected to the umbrella academy. they're sourced specifically off of klaus and five. they want neutral or feminine names related to mystery, tarot, spirits, and time travel. they also want things to do, comforts, and pronouns.

Hello! I did my best with this one, and I hope it can help! However, I highly recommend googling the trigger warnings for the enjoyment recommendations. Particularly with the first alter, many of the things listed are either quite heavy, gorey, or just generally has potentially triggering content. Be safe and have a good day! :]

1

NAMES: love, aimee, cerise, cherry, cordelia, vevina, esme, carina, adora, amorette/amoretta, avila, carwen, amara/amora, cher, venus, kaira, evie, maisie, lottie, lacey, mimi, rose/rosie, rosanna, winnie, minnie, treasure, admire/admira, willow, veil, annette, ameri, aerith, mercy, mei, sora, techna, mochi, bunny, blossom, evangeline, eleanor, clementine, vivienne, juliet/juliette, nadine, arachne, ariadne, circe, calliope, ambrosine, narcissa, melancholia, grimoire, bite, minerva, miriam, mana, mania, crave, desire, passion, wrath, ophelia

PRONOUNS: ei/eir/eirself, love/loves/loveself, love/sick/lovesickself, heart/hearts/heartself, gut/guts/gutself, rot/rots/rotself, blood/bloods/bloodself, sla/slash/slashself, exe/exe/exeself, vi/vir/virself, vae/vaer/vaerself, do/dove/doveself, ro/roes/roeself, ro/tic/romanticself, cu/pid/cupidself, er/eros/eroself (alt. eris), cru/crush/crushself, stab/stabs/stabself, yan/dere/yandereself (can be done with any archetype), rip/rips/ripself, fle/flesh/fleshself, joy/stick/joystickself, ga/me/gameself (alt. gaming), gli/glitch/glitchself, vid/video/videoself, cli/click/clickself, pix/el/pixelself

THINGS TO ENJOY: doki doki literature club, yandere anime’s (mirai nikki/future diary, happy sugar life, etc), classic horror movies, just cutesy but darker anime’s in general (when they cry, made in abyss, higurashi no naku koro ni, etc), omori, one shot, yume nikki, irisu syndrome, you me and her: a love story (steams version has tons of removed content, but there are sites that provide the full game), katawa shoujo, danganronpa, pony island, school-live, fate/stay night, muv luv (the first is relatively normal, the second is where it gets interesting)

2

NAMES: scratch, scream, ghost, hyde, corner, ephemeral, mystic(al), surreal, dream, evanescent, kaleido/kaleidoscopic, cthonic, cthulhu, hypno(tic), eerie, vapor, vaporwave, anomic, dim, nocturne, null, veld, nim/nym, nox, quill, carbon, vale/veil, peregrine, sal, maris, lux, poet, cove, vesper, rook, elixer, glow, soul/sol, naren, endelian, viridian, aether, zenith, shrike, heath, crypt, hex, styx, dread, vex, howl, fable, hale, shade, vaughn

THINGS TO ENJOY: lots of roblox games (evade, doors, 3008, apeirophobia, etc), studying the backrooms, looking into architecture related to older buildings, found footage, lost media, the movie don’t worry darling, the movie skinamarink, short films on youtube, learning about folklore, exploring google maps, weirdcore tiktoks, weirdcore games, superliminal, mirrors edge, scp, stanley parable

3

NAMES: leto, haze, enigma, veil, rune/runa, mystique, wulfrun, calypso, calliope, raven, aradia, blair, sloane, genesis, maze, mazikeen, lilith, medea, elspeth, tamsin, lydia, shiloh, tatiana, lucina, anima, banshee, sybil, cerelia, neander, signe, evening, millennium, lustrum/lustram, sunday, mist(y), gloom, seraph, sera, shade, gargoyle, loom, moon, paige (page of ___), ace, empress

PRONOUNS: tar/aro/tarotself, arc/ana/arcanaself, maj/major/majorself, my/ster/mysteryself, haunt/haunts/hauntself, spi/rit/spiritself, ti/ime/timeself, clo/clocks/clockself, er/era/eraself, dec/ade/decadeself, year/years/yearself, hour/glass/hourglasself, ma/gic/magicself, mana/manas/manaself, gho/ghost/ghostself, sand/sands/sandself, thon/thons/thonself, card/cards/cardself, div/divs/divinityself (alt. divineself, divself), coin/coins/coinself, cup/cups/cupself, wand/wands/wandself, pent/acle/pentacleself, sword/swords/swordself, tar/taro/tarotself, ture/future/futureself, pas/past/pastself, ca/calen/calenderself, cen/centuryself, ve/ven/venself, a/ages/ageself, eni/enis/enigmaself, cry/crypt/cryself (alt. cryptic)

THINGS TO ENJOY / BRING COMFORT: practice several forms of divination (tarot, runes, bone throwing, even playlists can be divination, etc), look into witchcraft and/or paganism, watch time travel related media, explore a graveyard, respectfully clean gravestones, leave offerings to your ancestors (i recommend doing research into this first), create a way to show your identity (ie. bracelet, necklace, etc), cleanse yourself/your home, read mystery novels

divider by strangersgraphics-archive

[linkemon]

Voice line headcanons 2

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here.

Paimon and Aether demand information from you! Who is [Reader]?! Being discreet? Excuse me, Paimon is very discreet and will get to the truth!

Arataki Itto

✧ [Reader]? They're my greatest enemy. Did they arrest me? Don't be ridiculous. No one could capture the great Arataki Itto. Except for Kujo Sara... er... Huh? I didn't say anything. Of course it's about beetle fights. [Reader] can't beat me, so I still graciously agrees to let them try get back at me. Lie? Can those eyes lie, lavender melon? Hahaha! If you want, I can take you to them. It'll be the perfect excuse to see them... How do I look like? Give me a minute, I'll fix my hair and we can go!

Yelan

✧ Information has a price. What's yours like? Why the long faces... Of course I was joking. After what we've been through together in the mines, I'll answer your question. Remember when I mentioned once that I took the fur meant for Tsaritsa in exchange for the lost bracelet? Regrator, also known as Pantalone, participated in this operation. [Reader] works with him. It was under theirs care that the entire cargo was lost. As far as I know, they didn't die. They've been looking for information about me for some time. They're really persistent. Apparently the Harbinger business is keeping them away but I'm sure they'll be around sooner or later. If you want, I'll let you know when I see them.

Kujo Sara

✧ [Reader] is the best carpenter in Inazuma. They used to make furniture but eventually took up small handicrafts. Their works are masterful. I have many myself. I'm a little surprised the two of you are looking for them. Ah, are you looking for a figurine? That's the wrong word. Downright offensive. It is a lacquered sculpture of Her Majesty, the Mighty Narugami Ogosho, Goddess of Storms! How long is a name? Everyone here knows that respect is needed. You should be careful. There are serious consequences for offending our archon. I will not hesitate. Give you one when I have many? No way, especially after what Paimon said. And you'd better be nice to [Reader] or we'll talk differently...

Qiqi

✧ Hmmm... Qiqi doesn't remember at the moment... Qiqi will see the diary.... Nice person... Sometimes they come to the pharmacy when Qiqi sells medicine. I don't think they like Dr. Baizhu. They teach Qiqi to use a sword but Qiqi forgets that she can fight...

Shenhe

✧ [Reader]? I haven't seen  them for a long time. I wonder how they're doing. Time spent meditating flows differently. Especially in the mountains. It would be good to see them again. Oh, I got off topic, sorry. [Reader] is not an exorcist but they are very fond of learning more about how the spiritual part of this world works. They took some techniques from me. Of course, only the most secure ones. They even managed to talk to adepti, which is not given to everyone. They work as a ritual helper. You should ask Chongyun if you want to find them.

Kuki Shinobu

✧ And why exactly do you want to find them? Just don't tell me someone in the gang did something wrong again. We're friends, so I guess it won't hurt if I tell you. [Reader] is also part of our team. You probably haven't met them yet because they often work in the field. At least you don't have to clean up the mess after it. Itto told you we're a couple?! I can't with him! Always talks too much. Blush under the mask? You just imagined it for sure...

[otomiyaa]

Masterpost 2.0

Fics written 'post-retirement' cuz I'm a clown

* = explicit | red = Only AO3

Note: Reblogs of fics and various reuploads from my old blog are not included.

However these can be found in the #otomiya!writes tag.

❥ Update: 31.10.2024

The Apothecary Diaries

Jinshi's Surprise | Switches!Maomao x Jinshi

Boku no Hero Academia

All I Want For Christmas: D&D | Lees!KiriBaku x Ler!Deku

Deadpool

No Spoilers! | Lee!Reader x Lers!Deadpool & Wolverine

Dungeon Meshi

Tickle Fight | Lee!Kabru x Ler!Laios

Ticklish For You | Switches!Marcille x Falin

Free!

Sweet Revenge (collab, reupload) | Lees!Reigisa & Lers!Sourin

Gakuen Babysitters

Second Declaration of Love (collab, reupload) | Switches!Hayaryuu

Genshin Impact:

From 🐺 To 🐶 | Switches!Wrioney

Lyney's Trick | Lee!Gaming & Ler!Lyney

Quality Time | Switches!Wrioney

Terms & Conditions | Lee!Kaveh x Ler!Alhaitham

TGI Tournament | Various Lees & Lers

Traveler's Training | Lee!Sethos & Ler!Aether

Given

Last Christmas: A Festive Breakfast | Lee!Uenoyama x Ler!Mafuyu

Haikyuu

Better Setter! (Reupload) | Lees!Kenma, Akaashi x Lers!Bokuto, Kuroo

Jingle Bell Rock: Secret Snack | Lee!Tsukki x Ler!Yama

Snowed In (Reupload) | Lee!Akaashi x Lers!Bokuto, Kuroo, Kenma

Honkai Star Rail

The Foreigner | Lee!Sampo & Lers!JingRen

The Kiss | Lee!Aventurine x Ler!Ratio

Sharing is Caring | Lee!Caelus x Ler!Dan Heng

Small Spoon | Lee!Aventurine x Ler!Ratio

Kaiju No. 8

Kaiju Experiment | Lee!Kafka & Ler!Reno

Love and Deepspace

A Date Worth Remembering (collab) | Switches!Zayne x Reader

Ebb and Flow | Lee!Rafayel x MC

Exclusive Tutorial | Lee!Zayne x MC

Midnight Moment | Lee!Xavier x MC

Nu: Carnival

Wreck The Sun Lord Party | Lee!Dante x Ler!Eiden

Obey Me

Not a Competition | Lee!Reader & Lers!Lucifer, Satan

Super Mario Bros

Luigi Wins (By Doing Absolutely Nothing) | Lee!Luigi x Ler!Bowser

Tasogare Outfocus

On Camera | Switches!Mao x Hisashi

Popsicle* | Lee!Giichi x Ler!Jin

We're Dating | Lee!Shion x Ler!Rei

Twisters (2024)

Surprises | Lee!Kate x Ler!Tyler

Wind Breaker

Nirei's Discovery | Lee!Sakura & Multiple Lers

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii

Love is Hard for a Broke Otaku | Lee!Narumi x Ler!Hirotaka

Yuri On Ice

New Year's Resolutions (collab) | Switches!Victuuri

Remissio (collab, reupload) | Switches!Victuuri

Tickle headcanons can be found here:

Link to my MDZS/TGCF tickle masterpost:

Tickletober 2023:

X Reader Tickle Drabbles:

Tickletober 2024: