#my dad was like ???? but my aunt who has a lesbian daughter was just like. yeah. that tracks

[foulbearobservation]

some girl just approached me randomly while I'm eating with my family and she was just like "your rizz is off the charts" like okay I'm getting great reviews from the lesbians but bad reviews from the teen boys so I think I've reached the pinnacle of fashion

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen, sorry for dumping a big rant in your askbox but your blog has helped me figure out my identity and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life lol. Feel free to delete if this is too weird.

So I’m a 17 y/o butch, and I have been masculine since I was a little kid. I always felt lucky to have a family that was generally okay with my gender nonconformity. They treated it like a cute quirk of mine, and I never felt like I was being judged or that I should change the way I am around them. My dad got a kick out of it. One summer he let me help him build the deck in our backyard. He always took me to baseball games, he dressed me up in his old clothes, basically treated me like I was his son and I loved it.

I feel like as I get older, my masculinity becomes less acceptable. I went to visit my paternal grandmother for the holidays, hadn’t seen her in a few years, and the first thing she said to me was “I thought you would’ve grown out of all that by now” (in reference to my haircut and outfit, I think.) I just don’t know how to react to the way my extended family treats me now. They used to be totally fine with it, but I spent my entire Christmas feeling like I was being judged for every little thing.

Like, what’s changed? Why is it cute and funny when a little girl wears boy’s clothes and wrestles with her cousins, but disgusting when I grow up and settle into my masculinity?

It’s like I’ve crossed the invisible line between being a tomboy and being a dyke, and now no one wants to entertain it anymore.

Again, sorry for the rant haha, I just feel like I’m going crazy because I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice them acting any different, but I swear my aunt spent half of our Christmas dinner telling me how pretty I would be if I just wore a bit of makeup lmaoo. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, because I’m feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks, and happy holidays!

It is not weird at all. I hear that young lesbians, particularly butches, do not have older role models to bounce ideas off of or vent or get any perspective on certain experiences. Moms and Dads and straight sisters and cousins, no matter how well meaning, will just not always "get" what is happening. They say things like "we love you no matter what" and "we don't care if you are a lesbian" and they mean it, mostly. But they often don't see the subtle clues (or blatant ones)they toss around that indicates how uncomfortable they are with you being so visible, but just existing as you naturally are.

AND OH MY GOSH yes I have experienced exactly what you are talking about with the deepening judgement as you move from a cute little Tomboy to an adult butch women. It is almost like they hope to "catch it early" when we are in our teens and redirect us away from the "danger" of being a visible lesbian. And a woman who does not, in very overt ways, conform to their idea of how a woman should be and act.

My dad was relatively consistent in treating me pretty much like he would a son and, to his credit, he did so with my straight sister. We were allowed to do just about anything my older brothers did. In part because my sister was pretty strong willed but also a lot like him. I was less strong willed but she had mowed the path.

Mom was the one who was forever concerned about my looks and behavior, both out of worry I would not fit in, and because she had a certain expectation of how her daughter should grow up. Both normal Mom reactions. She understood bullies and knew that sticking out could be difficult. Her solution was not to strengthen my resilience but to attempt to "tone me down". Her efforts increased as I made the jump from kid to teen and into my late teens. She would discourage me from cutting my hair, becoming almost angry when I brought it up. She would tell me how lovely I was in dresses and skirts and say thing like " a little make up would be nice". It got really old. It lead to us not always getting along even though I loved and respected my mom. She was a great mom. But this one thing made us both crazy. She could not cool it and I could not change who I was.

Friends at school saw hints of my liking girls. I stopped wearing cowboy boots and my favorite horse buckle and it their place went with K Mart Tennis shoes and a generic belt that came with my pants, again, from Kmart. I put away the cowboy fringed shirts and flannel and went with simple jeans and sweatshirts, the acceptable attire for boys and girls in my rural high school. I kept my hair long to disguise my "looking like a boy" traits.

I (barf) agreed to date a boy and spent the better part of that time making excuses to not kiss him or spent time with him. I was starting to listen to mom and do my best to hide ME from the world. Anything (with in reason) to throw the world off the scent, the scent of me being a lesbian. Being butch made that one more step difficult.

It is hard to hide the space we take up naturally.

It might seem hard to see it now by your family is slightly well intentioned, knowing that being "seen" easily as a lesbian can be dangerous. But also, they are uncomfortable with your energy and physical presence because it does not coincide with their ideas of what a woman acts, feels and moves like. This is a THEM problem and I can give you words of comfort based on experience.

The more you begin to be you, and dress in what gives you comfort the more your confidence will grow and be evident. People who are emboldened to try and change you for their own comfort tend to back way off when there is no opening for their opinions. They just sort of realize they are wasting time. AND for those that don't, there are always a few, you don't have to give them any air or acknowledgement. You get to let them waste time and energy while you look great in whatever you wish to wear and however you wish to cut your hair. And in a wonderful turn around, you don't have to spend any effort just being you or trying to defend or correct them.

You are fast approaching adulthood and with that will come even more freedom and independence. Don't rush it but also, work towards that.

[miracles-and-butterflies]

Oh. My. Gosh. Can we get more of the Body Swap AU? I gotta know who else is swapped. My guess so far, Mirabel is Antonio and Julieta is Alma because I like the idea of everyone swapping and we all know Alma likes to pretend everything is fine so obviously she'd pretend to be whoever she body swapped with. A fun idea would be if everyone was swapped based on their favorite person, Luisa's favorite is Mirabel, Mirabel's favorite is Antonio, and Alma favoring Julieta isn't surprising at all. In that case, Pepa and Julieta would be their husbands, Bruno would be Pepa (wedding fiasco aside I like to think they are quite close due to both having less than ideal gifts), Agustin would be Luisa, Felix would be Dolores, Isabela would be Alma, Dolores would be Isabela, Camilo would be Bruno, and Antonio would be Camilo. Oh the chaos that would ensue, imagine, Dolores finally getting out of Isabela's shadow by getting to BE Isabela, and poor Mariano would be so confused why his ex that admitted she never loved him is now giving him goo goo eyes, Felix deciding to be an overprotective dad and testing Mariano by doing weird things as Dolores to see if he'll still love her, Isabela getting shoved into the leader position and trying to maintain her sanity and keep the town from falling apart, Camilo being the most dramatic creepy prophet he can be while Bruno cringes in the background with a cloud over his head, poor Agustin being ten times as clumsy due to his new size, Mirabel relishing in the fact that she has a gift and absolutely using Antonio's cuteness to her advantage, Pepa finally being free to express her emotions without her gift, her and Julieta taking turns staring at the mirror because dang are their husbands good looking, Alma taking over Julieta's job as healer and experiencing first hand all the work her daughter does and all the stupid and minor injuries people go to her stand for. The possibilities are endless.

Sure, why not? Let’s make this a full AU!

Yes, everyone (minus the husbands as they aren’t linked to the miracle) is swapped but I’m afraid your guesses are mostly wrong. But the favourite idea is fairly right.

Luisa obviously being Mirabel, both favourite sister and person in the family.

Mirabel woke up as Dolores (her favourite cousin), in bed with Mariano, and as you can imagine, completely freaked out. Probably burst her eardrums. So that’s what she’s been to up to while Luisa does whatever she’s doing.

Bruno is Antonio (his favourite of the nieces and nephews). He was very spooked. He had his suspicions, but Luisa showing up confirmed that something had definitely happened, seeing how she clearly wasn’t Mirabel and addressed him as Antonio.

Alma is Bruno (her favourite child) and is going to have a day in his shoes. She’s going to throw hands with some rude townspeople later who still treat Bruno like a bad person.

Dolores is Julieta (her favourite of the aunt/uncles), who has realised but because of her love for being right, is just going along with it. Can’t risk being wrong. She also woke from the sound of “Antonio” crying.

Camilo is Pepa (his favourite person). He initially thinks this will be breeze and isn’t as worried/scared as the others, but slowly comes to the realisation that his mother isn’t treated with the same respect he gives her by everyone else.

Isabela, plot twist, is Luisa. She’s a little embarrassed by it and claims she is only Luisa because Luisa got to be Mirabel. In actuality, she’s very pleased. Think of all the chaos she could cause—

Pepa is Isabela (her favourite niece). She will also be throwing hands later at rude-ass men who can’t accept the fact that Isabela is a lesbian.

Antonio is Camilo (his favourite sibling and babysitter). You did get that one right! He doesn’t really have much angst going on, he just has a fun day as his older brother and enjoys getting to be grown up for a bit.

And lastly, Julieta is Alma. She does try to pretend that everything is fine. She proves to not be the best matriarch, she does more mothering of the council than actually leading the town.

[ghostfrog28]

Even More About Sophie!

cuz she’s becoming one of my favorite OCs and I have incomplete lore about her (they will still have some incomplete lore, even after this)

also, her full name is Sophie Aster Danlend

anyway

Some more facts (a bit more about their family):

She has a fluffy, brown rag doll cat named Bear

He looks like this, she got him as a emotional support cat after her mom passed

2. Her middle name is part of the name of a Irish flower, the Sea Aster

3. She has a big scrap books full of things from cool stuff she’s either done/went to over the years. (Ex: concert tickets, photos, stickers, etc.)

4. They really want to go traveling, so she’s saving up a lot of money to do so (some places she wants to go to are Greece, Italy, Rome, and Germany) she also has a space saved in her scrap book for these travels

5. Sophie had a feminine mullet through out high school, that she then tried to grow out once she was in college

It looked something like this

6. I’ve mentioned them before but, she has three younger siblings and their names are (in age order): Bridget who is 20, Liam who is 18, and Cara who is 15

7. Her mom passed at around 34 years old due to terminal illness, and her father is currently 45, they got married at 18 and had Sophie at 20

8. Bridget is nearly done with college and is dating a girl named Sarah and both are lesbian, Liam has freshly graduated and is aroace so he isn’t dating anyone but he has a friend named Stacy who is also aroace and they plan to be roommates and get a apartment after or during college and Cara is going into Freshman Year of High School and she has a good friend group and she hasn’t really thought about who she likes, all 3 siblings have a good relationship with Sophie and they have “sibling weekend” twice a month where they get together at a restaurant or something and talk about how life is

9. The three older siblings make sure to visit Cara and their Dad whenever they can and help him if he needs some help wether it’s financial support or someone to watch over Cara while he’s on a business trip or anything

10. Sophie has “girls nights” with Cara a few times a month where she sleeps over at Soph’s apartment and they eat candy and watch movies and talk shit, whether it was about some of Sophie’s customers or a shitty coworker or if Cara has some bitchy classmates

Not So Fun Fact: After her mom passed away and their family moved to California, Sophie’s Aunt Jane, who was living in California, offered to stay with the family to help out. When actually, she just wanted to be filler for Sophie’s mom and control Sophie as she’s going through high school (she’s one of those family members who has controversial opinions on everything, especially over the fact that Sophie liked to appear more masculine) Sophie was more of a mom to her younger siblings than their Aunt Jane ever was. She doesn’t live with the family anymore but she tries to “parent” Cara as much as she can, like it’s a second try then what she got with Sophie (who was a second try from her cousin, Jane’s daughter Abigail) and so Sophie started doing “girls nights”, not only so she can spend time with her sister but to also protect her and give her space from their aunt.

I’ll draw high school Sophie and her haircut and Soph’s family some time sooner or later.

that’s all for now!

[shitposting-puppet]

A list of Genshin character headcanons and personal ships that Just Make Sense

This will also feature Aether as the traveler, im sorry-

Heizou was a victim and a perpetrator of the VHD. He lost his vision about 8 months in.

As a result he has difficulty with his emotions as well as the emotions of others. He's very inept, a genius but emotionally inept.

Kaveh and Al Haithem don't hate each other, but they definitely are not good friends.

Speaking of, I think Kavehthem is super toxic. Source? My parents were just like them before getting divorced and now they dont talk to each other.

Kaveh's hurt line of: "I've been through worse" yeah... He had a shitty ex.

The ex was a Dottore clone.

The same Dottore clone is how Lisa found out she was lesbian lol.

Diluc and Eula get fake married.

Eula so that she's finally rid of all ties to the Lawrence Clan

Diluc because he's so tired of getting hit on at the tavern...

Dehya and Yoimiya have prosthetics.

Poly5WIRL

(-Wanderer.) That man is so aroace istg

Heizou is also dating Tighnari. No I will NOT elaborate.

Meanwhile Aether is additionally dating Kaeya and Albedo

(who are also dating cause why wouldn't they?)

Heizou and Sara are each other's chosen family.

They eventually legally change their last names so that they're legally siblings too.

Heizou originally wanted to live on Watasumi, but the first time he escaped there he was found and dragged back home.

Speaking of: Heizou was born and raised on Yashiori, specifically in Higi Village.

When Heizou ran away to Watasumi, thats where he met Kokomi and Gorou.

Gorou is trans mtf. Her name is Hina. You cannot change my mind.

Hina and Koko? Married.

Ayato and Itto? Dating. I love they.

Thoma is a fucking wolf hybrid you cant change my mind! He can shape shift!

Also Noelle is his little sister i just

holds them gently

Cynonari is married, Collei is their long-suffering daughter.

Cyno continues to try and ask Kaveh out.

Kaveh continues to be super oblivious.

Kaveh 🤝 Collei = Trauma from Dottore.

Wanderer chose to go to college over hanging out with Traveler and their friends....

Only to end up talking to them anyway. He is Suffering.

Kaeya has Pyrophobia from the Fight.

Al Haithem is a dick. Like he won't bring up trauma or misgender you, but he's still an absolute asshole.

Why is he an ass? Because he knows and deliberately hurts others feelings. He is aware of what he's doing.

Al Haithem is also deaf + autistic. Yes, you can be disabled and still be an asshole.

Kaveh and Al Haithem are Autistic on Autistic Violence

The Nameless Bard's name is Raven, because I am a sucker for Dramatic Irony. Also because I like it.

Childe has chronic pain and early-onset arthritis

Shenhe is actually Chongyun's mom, she gave him away when he was a baby for his safety, and the cover story she and the village gave was that she's just an aunt.

Opposite to how Chongyun's energy is pure Yang, Shenhe's is pure Yin, making her much more likely to attract demons

Heizou and Sango genuinely cannot get along.

Kaveh is actually from Aaru Village. Well, before his dad moved them to the rainforest.

Kaeya actually resent his Khaenri'ahn heritage, as it gave him the impossible burden of spying on a nation.

Btw, Kaeya would choose Mondstadt over Khaenri'ah anyday.

Diluc has a room for Venti at the Winery.

Also, Diluc and Jean are not the only ones who know Venti is Barbatos. He aint that slick.

Albedo, Sucrose, Kaeya and Hu Tao also know.

Sucrose and Albedo? Figured it out themselves.

Kaeya? Found out by accident after Venti got too drunk.

Hu Tao? She already had suspicions that Zhongli was Morax, and Venti showing up along with him, Zhongli and Xiao all being awkward just confirmed it.

Heizou and Yanfei are pen pals. They're besties, Your Honor.

Kazuha and Heizou once did it on the fucking beach during VHD.

This was also 2 years before they started dating. And 3 before they met Aether.

Heizou's a bottom btw. a bratty one.

He and Sango tried dating once while they still got along, but broke up long before they split off

Technically, because of the Irminsul wipe, Venti is still the youngest of the archons. Nahida doesn't know how to feel about this. Neither does Aether.

XIAO IS CANONLY OLDER THAN VENTI ISTG IM NOT JOKING XIAO IS 4000+ AND VENTI IS AROUND 2600 IM FERAL

Anyway

Heizou is allergic to mangoes. And Lavender Melon, and- actually this guy is allergic to near every fruit... Except for sunsettias and pineapples, strangely enough.

This doesn't stop him from eating candy. Much to Sara's horror.

Dw, she has the bfs gang up on him.

Heizou struggles with depression at times. And it's something he goes to therapy for. He hasn't done anything, but for a while it was pretty bad, especially right after the decree ended.

Kaeya has hEDS (Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome)

It means his bones are more likely to dislocate and pop out of socket if he's not careful.

KAEYA FUCKING DUEL WEILDS SWORD AND CATALYS PLEASE MIHOYO GIVE ME CATALYST KAEYA I PROMISE TO BE GOOD

Kaeya is also autistic with some pretty weird sensory issues. The second water gets in his boots this man will toss them off faster than Signora died.

He hates wet socks. Despises them

Yes I'm projecting.

Speaking of Signora. Aether and Venti held a small unofficial funeral for her on Cape Oath. They only had her mask to bury...

Faruzan has all but adopted Kaveh as her grandson. Kaveh has accepted this.

She/they Paimon.

Aether is older than everyone (because, well, physical manifestation of a star) and doesn't tell anyone. He finds it funny

Hes also lactose intolerant. Lumine too.

Aether doesn't let it stop him. Lumine hates this about him.

Fischl is a system

The events of the Aranyaka quest and the Pari quest happened around the same time. How you ask? Aether didn't go to Sumeru alone, he brought Heizou and Kaeya (this is before Hei joined the polycule-)

Its also when Tighnari and Heizou eventually started dating because Heizou kept running off and dragging Kaeya with him when they were supposed to be recovering from the Samsara and Tighnari went "Oh godsdammit i like him..."

Cyno and Nari talked it out and Collei was also cool with it so Nari shot his shot and... It took longer than expected for Heizou to notice...

ANYWAY PARI QUEST

Along with Heizou and Kaeya, Kaveh and Nilou also went with them.

As you've spotted, there isn't a single healer among them

Heizou preoceeds to give Kaeya his spare catalyst and turns that boy into a healer.

"Sorry Aether, I turned your boyfriend into a healer"

The catalyst was the Inazuma craftable one...

Kaveh and Heizou actually hit it off pretty well, bonding over being geniuses in their respective fields

Nilou is Mom friend. Im correct. She calls people "darling" and "sweetheart"

Anemo should be allowed to swirl Dendro so it does in my universe.

Kaeya and Heizou are the ones to find the door to Khaenri'ah... Kaeya doesn't react well and all Heizou has to go on is that maybe the Abyss hurt him somehow

He's kinda right, but its not the full picture.

Also Cynonari have absolutely no clue where those two are at this point... They are Freaking Out because Aether is off doing other things and told them to keep those two in Ghandarvah Ville...

Heizou punches Al Haitham in the fucking face.

Lyney has longer hair, and it's braided over his shoulder like in Lisa's alt skin.

Lyney's outfit is also 30% more slutty because holy shit its an abomination.

The twins are both cats. Lyney is SUCH a catboy (derogatory)

I want that Twink Obliterated.

One-sided LyneyxAether. Lyney gets over it... eventually.

Barbara and Freminet is such a cute ship yall are sleeping

Lyney is canonly Down Atrocious for Aether omg that poor magician

Freminet occasionally drags the twins swimming with him. But only in shallow water cause Lynette doesn't like the water. Lyney does though.

Freminet has killed a man that looked at Lynette wrong. He will kill again.

Lyney: Autistic ADHD

Lynette: Autistic

Freminet: Autistic Agoraphobic (Agoraphobia is the fear of people)

Freminet and Lynette tag team Lyney when he's talking bad about himself

Can you tell i love these guys?

Wriothesley and Clorinde are.... they got Something goin on

Neuvillette and Furina are married.

Heizou punches Lyney in the face after the trial

Is immediately sent to Solitary Confinement for Inciting a Riot... In front of Wriothesley

"Oh this is bad... This is really bad!" Heizou

"What's wrong man?" Cyno

"I kissed Aether!" Heizou

"Woahhhhhh... I owe Nari and Yanfei so much mora" Cyno

After 4.2 Furina moves in with Venti at the Dawn Winery.

Diluc walked in to see her and Venti playing cards and went "I'll go set up a room."

Also canonly? Heizou is fucking buff. Never forget he can take down the ENTIRE POLICE STATION WITHOUT A VISION

Lyney is just "He could have rocked my shit...why was that hot?"

Wriothesley is Suffering because he lost a match to a twink

Heizou is Not friends with the Orphan Trio lol, but he is friends with Chevreuse. They bonded over shitty dads

Heizou also just goes home with the Inazuma cast after the Fontianalia Film Festival

Yanfei and Cyno also go home lol cause Natlan would not be the best place for them

Heizou, Kano Nana, and Gaming are cousins on their mother's side. Their moms were sisters and grew up in Konda Village.

Gaming and Amber are cousins on the paternal side

Gaming does NOT forgive his father during Lantern Rite. He's also angry at Aether for telling people his private matters.

Heizou is there during Lantern Rite because Favoritism Privilege. Heizou is also upset because he's been there.

Heizou's brother is named Yamashi and his mom is Kanae. The father stays nameless bc fuck him.

[dead-dog-dont-eat]

(same anon about the zestious ship)

Ooh! I wanna learn abt her! Tell me /pos

sure thing!

-Her name is Marzanna Morde (she took Zestial's last name since neither Pentious nor Zestial are married)

-She has two middle names, first one being "Pen" (Pentious thought that since he was her daughter she would take a part of his name) and the second being "Allan" (like from Edgar Allan Poe, the poet/writer; I hc that Zestial loves to read his works and wanted to take the middle name). Though, they figured she would have the option to interchangeably use her middle names.

-She's aroace and uses she/they pronouns (I originally wanted her to be aroace and have a second orientation, like lesbian or bisexual, but I'd figured she'd mostly stay as aroace aaaand also b/c I want more aroace ocs)

-Her name comes from the Slavic Goddess, Marzanna, who is the bringer of death and symbol of winter. But people call her "Marza" for short and as a nickname. (Zestial mostly gave her that name cuz he is SUCH a gothic edgy boy imo)

-I would imagine that Marzanna and Pentious would have the same dynamic as Charlie and Lucifer - just be a spitting image of each other and just being precious like if Pent literally gave birth to her (ik snakes don't give live birth, and lay eggs, but yknow im saying it as an expression)

-Even though she's Pentious' kid, she is DEFINITELY also Zestial's kid as well. Her personality aspects of Zestial would also overlap some parts of Pentious' characteristics in her. I would imagine someone would try to pick on her (like verbal teasing or sarcastic comments on how her taste in fashion is "so good"), of course, she knows highly aware that they're trying to be bullies to her, and she would do a full-on, essay-like psychology analysis on why they're being mean to her as well as doing Shakespearen-like insults--leaving her wanna-be bullies in a state of embarrassment or some times even crying (bc most of her bullies would be entitled or snobby brats)

-Even though she can take care of herself from entitled people, Zestial is definitely protective of her. Most people are VERY aware of Marzanna being the daughter of one of Hell's most powerful overlords and rather be smart to not harm her in any way. However, there are some stupid and naïve people who didn't believe it and would try to do so--only to immediately piss their pants when they hear Zestial's voice from behind them.

-While she does have Zestial's gentleman-like patience that she inherited from him, she wouldn't tolerate on Sinners and others talking shit towards Charlie (who she considers to be her Aunt since Charlie is pretty much her dad's closest friend) and her dad, Sir Pentious, since people are always mean to him in every aspect. Plus, when she's mad, she is just as scary as Zestial himself.

-Marzanna also views Carmilla as her Aunt as well since she is also her dad's friend as well. And she considers her daughters as her own cousins as well. Carmilla is just as protective as she is as a mom on keeping Marzanna safe and away from harm--even treating her like she is her niece since she loves her friend's daughter. Carmilla's daughters also view Marzanna as their cousin and Zestial and Sir Pentious being their uncles.

-Is so aroace that whatever comes out of her mouth as a respond to relationships is 100% relatable and funny. Like, imagine a gag scene where a couple (married, engaged or in a relationship) are fighting with each other because of something stupid, and the scene goes and shows Marzanna and Carmilla's daughters on a picnic blanket snacking on a charcuterie board and Marzanna comments: "And that, my dear cousins, is a prime example as to why I'm married to my own hobbies instead of other people." And Alastor (cuz aroace king 🔶💛⚪💎💙) would appear out of nowhere sitting next to them, midway of spreading some currant jam on a cracker with brie cheese, and reply: "HA HA! Two minds think alike, my dear!" Oh, and the representation; where as someone would ask, "Do you plan on marrying/dating someone?" And she would shrug and casually answer: "No, I'm aroace." And just go on with her day.

-Just like both her dads, she also partakes in hobbies and skills they have. Since she's Pentious' daughter, she is definitely skilled in inventing machines and other stuff including making blueprints of various architect--and Pentious would be so proud. Plus I would like to think that she likes to read gothic literature and books that her father Zestial owns, including poems and centuries-old textbooks about medical science and mythology.

-Lastly, her appearance: she definitely has fashion tastes from both parents. She likes to dress Victorian (mostly wearing masculine-presenting attire, not a fan of dresses) but when wearing them, she often goes with a darker hue of a color palette, like Zestial. She mostly wears blacks and reds like a typical vampire (since Zestial is technically a vampire, but more so like a spider and scarecrow), and other days she'll just wear black. Like being said, she does look like Sir Pentious--appearance-wise, but not in anatomy sense; she doesn't have a snake body like him, but rather bipedal legs, and she's also inherited Zestial's height making her taller than her other father as well. Her hood and eyes would DEFINITELY be that bright lime green color Zestial has; oh, and just like Zestial, she also has a second pair of eyes, but they don't appear unless she is really pissed off (like how Mammon's eyes didn't appear until he went full demon form).

[daenystheedreamer]

three of my insane westeros OCs

 JEYNE WHENT: jeyne whent is a lady-in-waiting oc for danelle lothston (cough cough self insert cough). the whents were canonically sworn to house lothston and i can see their daughters being companions for them. well danelle’s maids keep dying and disappearing and it’s jeyne’s turn to be handmaiden! they have a horrible relationship which ends in danelle perishing in harrenhal not by jeyne’s hand but certainly by jeyne’s will :) 

danelle is ambiguously dragonseed idk how ive tried making the lothston family tree but fucking lucas the panhandler and manfryd and manfred keep fucking it up. basically shes got the DAWG in her. she bathes in blood elisabeth bathory style and visits the god’s eye because she believes the god’s eye is basically a time vortex and she wants dark sister. and jeyne is like bloodraven has dark sister. and danelle is like he has it NOW he didnt have it THEN. and jeyne is all girl what the fuck are you on about but she doesnt say that cos she doesnt wanna get murdered.

DAENYS TARGARYEN: ok this one is INSANE. so i have this alternate timeline au where after maegor imprisons viserys (aenys’ second son, the one who got tortured and died rip) he’s like hey whats better than 3 wives? 4 wives and one of them is my nephew (no black brides yet). maybe THATS how ill get an heir. 

so he uses blood magic to essentially omegafy poor viserys and they have three abominations children (sorry viserys): Jaehaerys, Daenys and Viserra. only death can pay for life so Jaehaerys (our Jae the Wise, in this au he gets murdered rip) died for Jaehaerys, Poxy Jeyne Poore died for Daenys and Tyanna of the Tower died for Viserra.

Daenys is Haunted by the Visions and by the ghost of Poxy Jeyne. plus her dad-mother viserys is Haunted and her dad-father maegor is maegor AND her younger sister viserra is visenya kin AND she has shameful lesbian desire for her aunt/cousin rhaena AND her cousin/step-sister/sister-in-law aerea. daenys is like what if u were raised by the most traumatised man in the world and the most evil man in the world and all your family is married to each other and you are LITERALLY an abomination AND u are gay. what then.

LILY: jeyne poore is a military leader! she needs a squire! but we are good and faithful catholics and we cant have an unmarried women with a SQUIRE besides shes not a knight shes a GIRL. okay we will give her a maid who can dress her in armour and such. and thats lily! shes very normal. isnt super gung ho about the faith militant, shes mostly just like Hey Its Kinda Fucked Up And Generally Ungodly To Be Incestuous And Polygamous. maybe she and jeyne kiss idk <3 she dies during the ambush after jeyne’s execution (rip)

[rinwellisathing]

So my BG3 next generation tabletop campaign has had some fun moments these past few weeks, stand outs include a young lesbian Aasimaar paladin who looks up to Dame Aylin learning to fly with her help and sitting down with her, Halsin, and Karlach for relationship advice.

The goblin wine aunt who grew up during Gortash's reign and is convinced at this point she's seen everything but also wants to climb every taller adult NPC like a tree.

Auntie Ethel owns a bar.

Gortash got brought back to life by a redeemed Durge who just couldn't let him go and has to deal with his estranged daughter learning that her adoptive parents lied about him and he was actually kind of a terrible person.

Said baby lesbian aasimaar went to visit Aylin, who was chasing an alleged "ground hog" who was destroying Shadowheart's garden only to discover it was Boo and Minsc had come for a visit.

There's three polycule families: Wyll, fem!Tiefling Tav, Karlach, male Githyanki Tav. Halsin, Astarion, transmasc tiefling Durge. Aylin, Isobel, Shadowheart.

The game is magical girl inspired and Astarion's fifteen year old son with Durge is acting as a bit of a Tuxedo Mask expy, which has been hilarious because he's a failwife like his dad.

We have a player whose parents are brewers and she keeps asking awkward questions to Astarion about how different kinds of blood taste and asking Shadowheart if the Corpses under Reithwin make the grapes from her vineyard taste different.

Wyll's sixteen year old daughter, Alyce Ravengard, who is well liked, popular, and viewed as the perfect diplomat and a 'people's princess' secretly made a Warlock pact behind her father's back to allow her to hunt down devils. Also Gortash's sixteen year old daughter has a crush on Alyce and takes the ingame quest to impress her.

Barcus Wroot is married to a boisterous, friendly Dwarven coffee grower, they turn The Waning Moon into a coffee shop together where the player characters hang out and get information.

Rolan, Cal, and Lia have been helping the players out with their quest and half the party has a crush on Lia (she doesn't know that and would be weirded out by this because they're mostly teenagers, hence magical girl theme).

Two of Gortash's subordinates are still alive and in the city, one immediately returns to him on behalf of her patron when he's revived, the other is now a bartender at Auntie Ethel's establishment and is afraid if he speaks to Gortash, Bane will punish him too.

Halsin is currently hosting a fellow archdruid whose daughter went missing as part of the plot so currently his home where the players are staying is 90% wolves and bears and 100% dad jokes because this other druid is very similar in personality to Halsin.

The Circus of Last Days is in town again and Lucretious has recruited the party to help in dealing with a pesky ghost ex.

Raphael somehow returned and the party immediately bullied him and launched aforementioned goblin wine aunt at his face with knives drawn.

All in all I love running this game.

[borderlinemediocre]

TW for… everything

Those visceral body reactions to flashbacks and triggers, the dead inside feeling when you think about the extreme abuse and neglect you suffered, the weight of healing yourself because no one before you could be bothered to heal themselves. I’m exhausted and fucking pissed off.

Growing up we were shamed out of calling anything “mine”, including body parts. For example I couldn’t say “my arm”, I had to say “the arm.” I couldn’t wear a neckline below my collarbone, or wear shorts. When I was a toddler my mother would call me a slut because of what my father would do to me. She would call me disgusting and say I should marry him. He would say I was perfect and no boy would ever be good enough for me while sleeping naked in the same bed with me. He would tell me to sleep without underwear. He would beat the shit out of my brother and burn him with cigarettes. My mother would smoke around us as punishment because we both had asthma and it would give us asthma attacks. We were homeless and slept in abandoned houses or at shelters. I got lead poisoning. If we’d cry they’d lock us in a room and drive away. My father made me watch horror movies from a young age because it was “funny” that I was so scared.

My mother would rock herself to sleep every night and once when I was 7 I asked why. She said her older sister used to be raped by her dad every night, and rocking back and forth is how she could comfort herself to sleep. I assume she did the same when it was happening to me.

My father got arrested multiple times for domestic violence. I remember once, one of the cops found me cowering in a corner and went out to his car to get me a stuffed animal to comfort me while my father was screaming and resisting arrest in the basement. The next day some different cops came to confiscate the guns my father had.

But they pulled it together every time CPS investigated. Our parents told us not to say a word to anyone about what our life was like. They’d clean whatever space we were living in and put us in nice clothes. They’d stop drinking for the day. One of the days, though, after CPS left and determined everything was fine, my father had a grand mal seizure from not drinking for 12 hours. My mother attempted suicide three times in front of us. When I was in my early teens and was physically assaulted at a concert and was at the hospital while they checked for internal bleeding, I called my father and told him what happened. He laughed and said “cool.”

In college I was the only one working, and I worked every hour I could so we could eat and I could afford gas for my old, broken down car, and books for school. I applied to every scholarship I could find and took out as many loans as the government would let me so I could finish school. I was so brainwashed that I felt the need to support them, like they deserved to be taken care of. And it was all my responsibility.

My father’s father raped his daughter (my aunt) because she came out as a lesbian and he told her she’s not gay, she just wants to be with him. My lineage is full of and tainted with this trauma and abuse and it’s all gone unchecked, ignored, hidden. Until me.

I go to twice weekly psychotherapy, have meds that help, a much needed support system, a chosen family who loves me and who I love more than I can put into words. But this shit is so fucking hard. I made it out, got a degree, make good money, bought my own house. And this shit is still so fucking hard I can barely hold it together sometimes. Everything is a fucking trigger. Everything feels dangerous, and I still never feel clean. My husband has to come to the bathroom with me as a support because it’s scary to be in my own bathroom. I was misdiagnosed with OCD because of what my coping mechanisms look like. I have an ACE score of 10. I’m just. Fucking tired. I want to move on, focus on my life and how great it is now.

But what I need to do is tell my story to family and friends, and stop covering for my abusers. They deserve to be seen for what they are. Telling the truth is cathartic, but also fucking sucks and is draining and painful. It’s a long process and not fucking fair.

[sequoiareachesforthesky]

Today I wanted to talk about family structures and how diverse they can be and then it derailed into talks about education. Like the woke public schools that conservatives are so afraid of, that kind of things. Enjoy!

Warning : rambling. A lot of it.

Thank Satan I grew up surrounded by somewhat diverse family structures that didn't all fit the "straight married couple with 2.5 children" archetype, because being taught that this is the one and only way to live a happy life sounds scary to me.

My aunt divorced in her late 30s and is currently living her best life with her new boyfriend. And nobody makes a fuss about it, like good for her and her ex-husband if they needed to end their relationship. Divorce is healthy.

I have three uncles, none of them ever got married. I don't know much about my mom's brothers but my other uncle has been single for as long as I can remember and is absolutely thriving. He spends time with his friends, and puts time into his passions (mainly old cars). And never has anyone in my family said anything about him being single. Or even suggested that it should be something to be talked about. Because guess what, it's not a fucking problem and people aren't defined by their relationship status.

My mom went to a lesbian wedding when I was around 8 (I remember being very disappointed that I couldn't come with her because I've never been to a wedding before and it sounded like a lot fun). She made sure to show me and my siblings pictures and videos of the event. To make sure we understand that there's no problem with a family composed of two moms and a daughter (she was from one of the brides' previous marriage, again with divorce being treated a totally normal part of life, because it is).

I also grew up in a place where multicultural and mixed families were basically the norm I feel? At least that's how I was seeing it. The fact that my classmates had parents from overseas, or ethnically marked features wasn't a big deal (that's also why I'm now still very bad at recognising said "ethnic features" or foreign accents, or even knowing where names are from, because I didn't see any of those things as a difference honestly. Like how do people go "ah yes, this person is definitely from Eastern Europe". Like what??? How???). Anyway, that may be why for a while, I really struggled to understand why racism existed as a child. Like I knew it existed, I was told it was bad but I didn't understand why it was a thing in the first place (but isn't the case for most children? We're just here to enjoying the slides in the playground, we have no idea about the colonial heritage of our societies)

(sidenote: I may be mixed myself (wasian) but the history and current societal impact of racism is definitely not a topic I would say I'm very knowledgeable about. And of course looking back on it I did hold racist beliefs as a kid and there were instances when I witnessed structural racism. It just took me a while to realise it and to try to become a better person. My point here is about family structures and how I personally was exposed to a lot of mixed families, including my own, and that in that sense, race and culture have never been something I could have worried about when thinking about the idea of "founding a family". Like whatever happens happens you know)

And that's not even going into all of the friends I had who were raised by only one parent, the ones who would spend one week at their mom's then one week at their dad's, the ones who got nieces/nephews because they had much older siblings (sometimes step siblings), the ones who were adopted, and so on and so forth. So yeah, to me, it's normal for families to come in all shapes and forms. That's why nowadays, when I get introduced to new views of family and relationships, it doesn't really take me long to get it.

Sometimes I think back on my childhood and realise that I got actually pretty lucky to be in contact with many kinds of family structures, with none presented as more correct or desirable. Because now that I'm older and that I've met people who are very cautious about sticking to traditions (*cough* catholic bourgeois *cough*) and who even get anxious at the idea that they won't be able to get their straight wedding with three children that they shall raise in a pavillion in the suburbs, I really think that damn, it must suck to be them.

Anyway, judging others for having a view of "family" differing from your own is cringe, and I really think we should queer the world a bit more because why were my 12 year-old classmates so surprised when I told them that polyamory is fine to me (and even a logical way to look at love and relationships in my brain), that I didn't wanna have children later, and that I didn't if I would get a husband or a wife later, or if I would get married at all. I remember the shock in their eyes and being very confused as to why, because I was like "uuuuh, I thought homophobia didn't exist anymore? And that people should live the way they want?" (Also I've recently been diagnosed with ASD after being in denial about it my whole life so that may explain some things, since you know, the intersection between autistic and queer identities isn't even an intersection anymore).

This post was originally about family but since it intersects a lot with queerness, I just wanted to share a thought. Sometimes, I wonder if I could basically be considered as "assigned enby at birth" with how I was taught that gender doesn't matter and encouraged to be whomever I want to be without following gender norms. (This last paragraph is to be taken more as a joke than anything, but like honestly, that's why I never personally found the need to identify with the term "trans" or "non-binary". Because I just don't care personally, thanks to my upbringing. And that's why I'll always advocate for children to be exposed to queer content because me, my siblings, and probably most children from my community were and it makes for such healthier adults istg. Like yeah, I didn't care about my gender identity or whatever but the second I was put in an all girls school, I understood that it very much mattered to other people and that made me so furious, I totally get why so many people are attached to their queer identity. Because when you're in a fucking horrid environment, of course you're gonna have a strong emotional reaction to this stuff.)

All of this to say : I was raised by a woke family, went to a woke school that taught us that climate change is going to kill us all, that we should welcome all refugees, that beauty is found in difference and diversity, that disabled people should be accommodated (there was a class in my school for specially made for children with mental or learning disabilities because yes, they do have a right to education too actually), that children in general have rights and are not just objects, that solidarity is important (we made cakes for the local food bank when we were in kindergarten it was very cool. and many many fund-raising campaigns for people in need. we would mainly provide food and sanitary products, and the goal was to make a wall in the school hall with all of the collected products. it was great). We would sing songs about international solidarity and fighting against racism and water access inequalities at the school choir (looking back on it this feels a bit surreal to be frank). I was raised in the exact environment conservatives are freaking about. Heck the street where I lived was named after a communist song 😭. And you know what's the funniest thing about all that? It wasn't even that "woke". The way we were taught about societal stuff was a nice effort, but a bit clunky at times. There were still a lot, and I mean a lot of ableism against the students from the "special needs" class I talked about previously. I still got called a racist slur by a classmate when I was five. I still had so much stuff to unlearn as I got into teenage then adulthood.

What many would consider "woke" in the way I was brought up is, to me, the bare minimum. And that's why it hit me in the face like a baseball bat when I went from this great, though imperfect public school to a private middle school where boys and girls were separated in different classes. Where the students weren't mobilised to collect food for people in need in their local community but rather to pray for them and maybe give a little money to support missionary trips to Africa and things of the sorts. Where the school choir was mostly for learning Christian songs about thanking God for his eternal generosity. I was atheist btw, and attending religion class and masses were mandatory which felt a bit like infringing upon my freedom of religion but whatever I guess!! "Your parents chose to put you here so you don't have a say in the matter." a teacher once said.

So now, let me ask you a question and answer it immediately? Which of those two education systems is better? THE PUBLIC ONE OBVIOUSLY. I LOVED SCHOOL. I LOVED PEOPLE. I LOVE LIVING IN AN OPEN-MINDED COMMUNITY. AND THIS FUCKING PRIVATE CATHOLIC SCHOOL, WHICH ISN'T EVEN THE WORST OF ITS KIND BTW, ALMOST MADE ME FORGET ABOUT THIS LOVE. IT BROKE ME MENTALLY. IT COULD'VE TURNED ME INTO A PERSON I WOULD'VE HATED. AND FOR THAT I CAN NEVER FORGIVE IT. There might have been good individuals in this school, friends I made, teachers who were genuinely great people. But this school system wasn't made to help us grow into good people. You've heard it all before, how it just turns us into good employees how will preserve the system as it is, maintain the status quo.

When people tell me that education is better in private than in public school, it makes me laugh. I was always top of my class in this so called top-notch private school. Even though I was the public school kid. And even then, I would have been fucking humbled by students who spent their entire school years in the public system. Because those private school don't make you smarter, they won't help you get better grades. Even if they did, what good does it do? It's not about the grades. It's about being a person that finds their own path, their own way to live in society. Not necessarily this society, they can build their own. But how are we supposed to rely on each others and find community when we've been taught to always see the other as competition?

I wanted to talk about family structures and how diverse they can be, but I realize now that what I really I wanted to talk about is family as in finding each others, living together, embracing diversity and loving. In your own way, because there are so many different ways of loving, and so many people and things to love. But it's always love. It's caring. And this care for the people and the things about me, I got it from my education.

It's always about education.

[vent-and-advice]

Hello there, I’ve made some horrible mistakes and it caused me to unintentionally hurt people and lose a lot of friends. This is going to be all over the place and I apologize for that. This all started on Discord. I’m a huge fan of Thomas Sanders. He changed my life in a lot of ways because he inspired me to be a better version of myself. Thomas is so full of life, energy, and enthusiasm. He’s kind, sweet, loving, affectionate, caring, and has the heart of gold. He’s very genuine, open, honest, and real. He touched so many lives, he’s an inspiration to so many people. I was on Discord and I was in a bunch of Sander Sides servers, I made friends with a lot of people and it was fun interacting with others and sharing our love for Thomas and his characters that are called “The Sander Sides” and everyone were very welcoming and sweet towards me! A lot of Fanders made videos for Thomas wishing him a happy birthday, anniversary, or just showing their appreciation towards him, and that’s what got me inspired to collaborate with a group of friends and make a video wishing Thomas a happy birthday. One of them decided to create a server because it’ll be easier for everyone to discuss what kind of videos, edits, fanart, and cosplays they want to do. So everyone can submit their creations and I added all of our creations into one video, edited it, posted it my YouTube channel, and Thomas reacted to it! He brought all of us together and the collaboration made us even more closer. We weren’t doing this to fanboy, fangirl, get a famous person to notice us or 15 minutes of fame. We did this out of the kindness of our hearts because this man truly touched our hearts.

The server wasn’t just about Thomas Sanders and video collaborations. It’s also a safe space for those that are going through difficult times such as homophobia, transphobia, abuse, and any sort of discrimination. A lot of members on the server are LGBTQ+. Their parents are not supportive and they are mistreated for being gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, pansexual, etc. My heart was bleeding for them because they deserve to be treated with love, care, compassion, and respect. My co-owner decided to become the server dad because of it and we were becoming a close-knit family already. I asked if I can be the server mom because I have that motherly and nurturing personality. I don’t have any kids in real life but like I said before, I have that motherly and nurturing personality. I’m a shoulder to cry on, ear to listen, and hand to hold. I always encourage people and make them feel loved, accepted, appreciated, and happy. So, it was a natural calling to me. I literally tell people this “If your parents don’t support you for being gay or if they abuse you, I’m your new mom now.” The co-owner said yes and I was happy. They’re 18, polyamorous and dating two different people. I’m 26 and a heterosexual. I’m one of the oldest members of the server. The majority of the members are teenagers ages 15, 16, 18, and 19. Everyone was happy to have new parents that finally loved, accepted, respected and understood them. It brought all of us closer together. Everyone called us “Mom and Dad.” Everyone had a family role too. We had server aunts, uncles, sons, and daughters. Because of the age gap, I thought it would be weird for us to be server husband and wife because again, I’m 26 and they’re 18. One day, they gave me the role to be their server wife and I figured as long as they’re comfortable with it, I’ll accept and I gave them the role to be my server husband. It wasn’t meant to be taken literal because we don’t have feelings for each other and I wouldn’t date anyone who’s 18 or 19. It was just for the family dynamic. We called each other “Wifey and “Hubs/Hubby.” One of his partners was a member of the server and he was okay with it and he called me “Mom” also. We all called each other nicknames out of endearment. I called one of my friends “Kitten” and I didn’t know that it was inappropriate to call people. I was saying it in a motherly way for example a mother cat and all of her kittens. One person said “Kitten” and I explained that it was my way of saying sweetie, my dear, dear, and darling and the person I called that understood and told me they were cool with it. They never told me they weren’t comfortable being called that. Not on the server or a DM. Nobody on the server educated me or explained whey calling people “Kitten” is inappropriate either.

One day the co-owner messaged me, venting to me about their personal struggles and I was trying to encourage them but they wouldn’t listen to my advice. They told me that they valued his partners more than me as a friend and that’s the day I made a terrible decision. I overreacted and told them that I felt like my heart was stomped on, it felt like a kick in the throat, I was thrown into the dirt because I’ve done a lot for them and everyone else in the server. I guilt-tripped him and that was very rotten of me to do. One day he told me to stop calling him “Hubs” asked me to message him privately and he told me he wanted to take a break from the dad role. They told me they were hurt about those awful things I said. They also said that I seem to be clingy too. I respected their decision but I asked them are we no longer going to be a family because I didn’t understand the sudden change. I was pressuring and forcing them to be in a family dynamic they were no longer comfortable with. I felt horrible for the way I spoke to him, I took full responsibility for my actions, held myself accountable, and took ownership of my mistakes. Days later we made amends but they told one someone about the situation and they posted a thread about it on Twitter and I was accused of grooming minors, being inappropriate, and manipulating them. That wasn’t the case at all. They also mentioned the “Kitten” thing too. They said that I kept calling individuals kittens despite them telling me they were uncomfortable, but they never did. I only called one person that and they never told me that they were uncomfortable. I found out they were too scared to message me and tell that they were uncomfortable. There’s more but I don’t think I can fit everything into this. Everyone unfriended and blocked me. I had no idea what was going on because I thought me and co-owner made amends and I was working on learning healthier boundaries and trying to recenter myself. I was messaging our mutual friends constantly and daily because I went into a panic and I had no idea what was going on until I saw the thread on Twitter and the post on Instagram. It wasn’t my intention to hurt anyone because I would NEVER treat a child that way. Everyone called me a groomer, predator, and I was even told that I should register as a sex offender. The person I called “Kitten” didn’t give me the chance to apologize to them because they unfriended and blocked me. All I tried to do was be there for those in need and make everyone happy, not hurt them. Everyone hates me, and I feel like they’re going to tell Thomas about the situation and make him hate me too. I’ll never get to meet him one day because if I do, people will probably say “There goes that groomer over there!” All of this happened last month in June. I’m consumed with anxiety. I feel unloved, unwanted. I really need your advice because this has been weighing on me for too long.

Oh dear, this sounds complicated. Take a deep breath, drink some calming tea, and let's think about this.

So, you messed up. That's ok, everyone does. But you have to understand that people who aren't willing to hear your side of the story and make baseless accusations against you are never truly worth it in the end. I recommend saying your piece to these people and letting them choose to do with what you have said. And, I recommend also taking a break from online spaces in general. Being the constant shoulder to cry on in vent Discords may feel like an honor, but being responsible for the mental health of so many people can consume one with anxiety. Take some 'me time' to sort everything out.

And all that matters is you know who you are, and I know you'll find the people who will be able to judge your character as it is as well.

Now take this flower my friend and go off. Everything will be ok. You will be ok. You've got this. 🌺

[writeheallivepage]

inner child (1 of I don't know)

I've been seeing, reading and watching posts that feeling of worthlessness, failure, procrastination is somewhat caused by your inner child trauma. I've know this for a while. For years, I tried to be the good daughter who doesn't care that she came from a broken family, grew up with grandparents, lost her grandparents, and somewhat forced to live with a mother who is not ready for motherhood. Motherhood was forced into her. I knew and felt that. She got pregnant at 19 in a very conservative neighborhood. My maternal grandparents forced my parents to marry since it is the norm. They ended up in a hell relationship. Broke up when I was two, father went out of town, mother pursued him but they eventually separated in the end. I grew up feeling that my family is a little different. My friends have their Mom and Dad while I have Grandma and Grandpa. It was a normal childhood but the truth is, I've always struggled with my emotions. My grandparents are not the type of person that will console or sweetly teach you life lessons. My grandma especially has an iron fist. lol. If I do something really bad, I'm going to be hurt real bad. I remember thinking that they don't love me and it's better for me to be dead. I was a child for god's sake. I was immature. No one taught me how to handle those feelings. So I just tried to be the good granddaughter but I was a handful. I couldn't imagine how they handled me. When my grandmother died, I was in my rebellious teenage phase. I wasn't ready to loose her. I love her and she was my everything (sorry Grandpa). I saw how her loss affected my grandfather. He became lonely. I saw it in his eyes. It was just the two of us. My mother had her own way of dealing with grief. It was the first Christmas without Grandma and she decided to leave town and go on a vacation with her lesbian partner. My Grandpa and I were eating dinner and I felt like crying. No one said a word. I don't know what to say. I just hated my mother and mourning the death of my Grandma. Them came New Year 2011, my mother came home with her lesbian partner. I though she was just gonna stay for a few days but no. With the amount of clothes and stuffs, I knew that she will be staying in our house. I hated it. I know my Grandma would have hated it too. This is not the first time she had an affair with a lesbian. When I was in grade school, I think I was around 9 or 10, my Grandma brought me into a house because my mother won't go home and she is living in the house of her former lesbian partner. We were the talk of the town. After a few months, my aunt and I went to another house because my mother won't go home. She's staying with another lesbian partner of her. We went to the house but she did not come with us. When she came back after a few weeks, my Grandpa was so mad he kicked her. I hated her but she's my mother. I thought she didn't like me that's why even if she's always not around, I tried to be good for her to like me. Fast forward to 2011, I don't know if her reason was that we need a hand in the house since my Grandpa is old now and she has to work away from our town on weekdays or she just needed a love life to cope with the grief. I couldn't understand her. I never asked. I tried to be okay with the whole setup but I was young. I am a teenager in need of guidance but I felt alone. That year I graduated from high school and I went to college in a different city. I was so happy I was able to get out of the house but I was thinking of my Grandpa. I never realized it before but I feel bad for him. I feel that the whole situation was forced into him. I don't know if he fully grasped the whole setup of my mother's lesbian partner staying at our house. I was living alone in a different city and I liked it. I always wanted to live away from our home. I decided to have civil relationship with my mother and her lesbian partner. Our personalities were different there are times that it would clash but I decided to hold back. I also felt like I was being erased from the picture. I'm just the daughter, I'm not much of a value.

[the-lady-writes-what]

How did you find out that you're a lesbian? /gen you don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable

TLDR at the bottom if this essay is too much

It's not an uncomfortable question at all. Thank you for asking. So me coming out as lesbian is a really long story about 30 years in the making. I guess I was socially programmed into thinking I was straight for most of my life by the outside world. I didn't grow up in a religious household or anything but at the same time I didn't have any understanding of gay, straight, bi, pan, etc. I did, however, grow up in the 90's and early 2000's where LGBTQ+ presentation wasn't, you know, great. I was conditioned by the media around me, which was cis het (and mostly white) 99.9% of the time, to think that straight and me being straight was what everyone was doing and normal with no deviations whatsoever.

Flash forward to my high school years, more specifically sophomore and junior year. I tended to have a lot of boy crushes and looking back on it now, I'd say it had more to do with seeking male attention and validation because of Daddy Issues. This was now the early 2010's where there was this trend with everyone and their weird aunt coming out as bisexual. I had this friend who I used to be close with and I thought I had feelings for her on a romantic level. Having no real established knowledge or understanding of what bisexual meant or being queer or gay, I just went with it. Add into the mix a heady mixture of teenage hormones, emotionally unfulfilled home life, and religion, and you have a disaster. By the time I was a sophomore, I had converted to Catholicism of my own free will and ironically because of a lesbian. Trying to be "good" Catholic and having a girlfriend conflicted, so I broke it off. In retrospect, that might have been a good thing because this friend developed a codependency on me and stalked me on Facebook a couple times after I ended the friendship when one too many lies and inconsistencies became too much for me to handle (and also because she was not the emotional support I needed).

Between high school graduation and college, I dated a number of people. I had three romantic partners, one boyfriend and two partners who later came out as transwomen. Between all that time, I kinda hated myself. I would date someone for a few months and then break up because of something I couldn't define. I was there in the present, but couldn't see a future with that partner. I felt like something was wrong with me and my sexuality was broken. In my early 20's, I discovered asexuality and thought "oh. maybe this is why the way I am." Asexuality became my identity. Dating and sleeping with men no longer was a priority for me. Aside from this one partner who I dated off and on for about...10 years, I didn't feel the need to date men. I eventually stopped being Catholic around 2019 and then COVID happened.

I spent 2020-2021 doing a lot of introspection. I noticed things that I hadn't before about my behavior and reactions when socializing with the same or opposite gender. I realized that it has always been easier for me to talk to women than men, and not just because of my issues with my dad. Oh. Okay, then. Maybe I'm asexual but have romantic feelings for women and men? I can date women if I wanted to, I don't have to sleep with them. And over the next couple years more and more pieces of the puzzle fell into place. I started reading wlw fantasy books. I've always been excited to see two people or two characters of every persuasion find love. I love love. But when I read "The Tiger's Daughter" by K. Arsenault Rivera and "The Jasmine Throne" by Tasha Suri, I felt a deeper connection to those romances on an emotional level. It was something deeper than being excited about love, it was something more akin to longing, as in "wow. i wish i could have that." This was not the same response I have to cis het couples.

Then, I had to look back on my interests. I realized that most of the men I lusted after were all fictional. Shouta Aizawa, Sesshomaru, Hawks, Loki, etc, none of them were real. I never thought about a male celebrity in that light. High school crushes are very different from having adult feelings, so I can say that I've never had the same feelings for men in the same way I have for Aizawa. There's only been one or two exceptions to the rule, but I've never imagined actually sleeping or falling in love with Tom Hiddleston. He's just very good looking and I like Loki. How I talk about male celebrities I like for their looks and female celebrities is very different.

Example

Tom Hiddleston: Wow. He's super handsome.

Markliplier (youtuber): Wow. He's super handsome, funny, AND he has a great personality. His girlfriend is so lucky.

Florence Welch, existing:

Me: Beautiful. Amazing. Talented. Stunning. Goddess, I worship at your feet. I want to drink from the same cup of wine that graced your lips and dance with you at midnight under the full moon....

You get the picture.

There are other examples that I looked at. Interest in Greek mythology especially anything to do with goddesses or female characters (of course, Artemis was my favorite, because GAY, though i have moved on to Athena and Aphrodite). I was always more interested in female characters in books. Lack of interest in sex with cis men. My favorite poem is "The Goblin Market" by Christina Rossetti, which has some very queer/lesbian undertones for a Victorian poem. I have a strong aversion to resembling as a male stereotypes, though I'm still trying to work on being less aggressive. The list is probably longer than this. Oh, and I have a Pinterest board made up of 581 and counting pictures of Florence Welch, and there is no heterosexual explanation for that.

All this came to a head in November and December last year. I had been discussing this with my friend (who I had also dated before she came out as trans) and my sister, who is a decent ally. In December 2022, I had no other choice but to admit to myself that after 30 years that I was not at all straight. The problem was that I had to wait to come out until a little later because at the time my uncle was very sick and died a week before Christmas. Coming out of the closest last year as soon as I realized it was not a good idea. I came out to my sister and my friend in January and I've been getting used to the identity ever since. Sorry this is a fucking biography but I tend to be very verbose and take a long time to explain anything.

TLDR: American society conditioned me into thinking I was straight for most of my 30 yrs of life, but that was incorrect because women are pretty and I'm in love with Florence Welch.

[barisistill]

okay i have to go into my ketamine coma now. but first. catalina barba-carisi has her papa’s green eyes and her daddy’s smile, and curls. no one knows where they came from. she’s brilliant and precocious and funny. she’s a little bit of a brat because she’s been spoiled her entire life. she loves her family fiercely and completely, especially her aunt rita. for a lot of reasons but they have a cosmic connection because rita saved her life when she was 12 by donating a portion of her liver. she was obsessed with law when she was younger (i wonder why) but over time she decided she wanted to something else with her life, surprising everyone. she was born in april 2017. she’s an aries. she’s short. she doesn’t shave her legs or armpits. she loves to read. her best friend is jesse rollins. she loves the ocean. in fact, she loves everything. she’s the type of person who is just happy to be alive all the time. she’s not a morning person. she hates when people are on their phone during conversations. rita is constantly touching her hair, totally destroying the curl pattern but she doesn’t care at all even a little bit. she can drink noah benson under the table even though he’s like a foot taller than her. she has a sweet tooth. she slapped a girl at school once who made fun of her for not having a mom. she’s very physically affectionate, constantly kissing her family on the cheek or holding their hands. she’s like her papa, an absolute furnace when she sleeps. she still crawled in bed with her fathers when she has bad dreams all the way up until college and still sometimes after. she’s virtually incapable of feeling shame because her family is always so encouraging of everything she does ever. she loves calling her fathers old, but always insists that rita isn’t old even though she’s the same age as rafael. she’s secretly incredibly proud of her papa for breaking the cycle of physical abuse that’s run in his family for generations. she did dressage riding for four years, funded by rita. she also did a million other things - ballet, soccer, pottery classes, etc etc - because she gets bored of activities quickly. she’s not lactose intolerant. she’s named after her great grandmother. her nicknames are “cata” and “hummingbird” because when rafael and sonny saw her heartbeat for the first time at an ultrasound, they said it was like a little hummingbird. her uncle fin got her a gigantic teddy bear when she was born and she creatively named it “mr. bear” and it still sits on her bed. she is sonny and rafael’s biological daughter, sonny gave birth to her. she was an accidental pregnancy but the best accident ever to everyone who has ever met her. she’s a straight A student. she once got a C- in math in elementary school and was so scared to tell her dads because she thought they’d be so disappointed, but they just kissed her curls and got her a tutor. she called rita when she got her first period at school. she had a panic attack because it was only a little over a year after her liver failure. she knew what was happening but whole thing still freaked her out after having gone through all that health stuff. she has an unconscious habit of pressing her hand against the transplant scar, the exact same habit as rita. she has a drunk ciggie from time to time. she is bisexual (noah is gay, billie is a lesbian, and jesse is straight). her fathers got married when she was 3 and she was the flower girl. she cries when she gets angry. she calls rafael “papa” and oscillates between “dad” and “daddy” for sonny. she calls both of them “father” sometimes when she’s being sarcastic or playfully antagonistic. she’s a cat person.

having OCs sucks, i need people to be as excited about my blorbos as i am

[blazing-michael]

About My Sister's First Birthday Party. or not.

yesterday, my father took me to the house.

it's the house he and my mom started building from scratch when they married. three years ago they divorced. last year the wife of my father's dead brother gave birth to a girl. my father is also her father. my aunt also has two sons.

they all live in two houses. one is that my parents build. another is that my auntie and my dead uncle built.

me and my mom live in a flat that we're struggling to pay mortgage for. i had to stop studying and find a job to have a place to live in.

we arrived at eleven pm. my auntie pecked me in the cheek. my sister was shy and hid in her mom's chest. my brothers hugged me real tight.

before i went to bed, my dad came to my room and told me how unsatisfied he was with the war. i thought, maybe he is starting to see the light. he told me he loved me and opened the window. it's always quite stuffy in their houses because there's a baby, they don't want her to catch a cold.

i fell asleep with an opened window.

i woke up with saliva on my chin. my lips were itchy and i had a sore throat.

my brother made me tea. my auntie was all upset because she was preparing the party and cooked meals on her own and nobody was helping. i took my sister, who stopped because shy, and started to play with her, so my auntie could use her both hands for cooking.

the guests arrived. my father's parents, my auntie's parents, my auntie's brother, who has cerebral palsy, my another auntie with her husband and son (sadly, without her daughter), and my auntie's friends with children.

we ate typical food russians serve at home gatherings: mashed potatoes and fried chicken, typical russian salads. there was homemade wine and moonshine.

my auntie's mom gave golden earrings as a gift for my sister. i whispered to my father, "don't you dare getting her ears pierced. lisensed piercers don't pierce children under 14."

i got tired of people and went to an empty room. i could hear my grandmother screaming nazist things and someone arguing.

two months before she said she wouldn't mind if my father (her eldest son) went to the war and died. my uncle (her youngest son) died in 2020 from heart attack after drinking senseless. all of them are still mourning. my father bought a tombstone that cost like a car. i still pay my student loan debt with money i earn myself.

then my auntie asked me to come and take a photo. i posed the same way i did last year when she took photo of me and my sis in the maternity hospital.

they cut the cake.

my uncle (my another auntie's husband) started asking me stupid mathematical questions, trying to make me angry. i was already upset.

then we gathered outside, and my father lighted fireworks. my sister really liked it, even though it was really loud.

my grandfather was drunk dancing. when i was a toddler, he once laid on the same bed as me. he was also drunk. he molested me. i told no one because i knew no one would believe and he wouldn't even remember - that's how drunk he was. now only my mom knows. i don't go to therapy - one, i can't afford it. two, i'm afraid the doctor would try to convince me that i'm a lesbian because a man molested me.

i wanted to start crying. my auntie asked, if i'm fine, because i looked sad, apparently. i said, "it's just the lighting, i'm not sad."

then i took my things and said goodbye. my auntie packed some meat and chocolate for me. my brother started crying - i don't visit them often. they treat him really bad and constantly hurt him. i don't. he thanked me for the necklace i gave him. i kissed both of my brothers' foreheads. my third brother ignored me.

i sat in a car. i was silent. my father was silent, too.

"dad," i said.

i wanted to say that i'm so, so sad. but when he asked, what was it, i said "nothing".

he gave me money and said, "buy you some strings for the guitar". it was enough money to buy a new guitar.

i said, "i love you".

i wanted to say, "i want to stop loving you because you don't deserve it".

when i came home, my mom asked me how was it. i started sobbing like a child.

because i will never have a big family. i will never celebrate my wedding. i will never invite so many people to celebrate my child's birthdays. i just will not. and i hate myself for wanting it so bad.

"this is how life is," mom said.

my lips are still itchy.

[erin-bo-berin]

Hi Erin, I'm in love with the way you write Steve and I love all your fic sm!

Could i have Dad Steve where his daughter come out to him as a lesbian? She gets nervous and I feel like he would be so sweet about it and say things like "I will always love you no matter what" 🥺

Could be part of Dad Steve x SingleTeenMom!Reader or not.

Thank you! And oh my goodness that would be such a cute scene 🥺

Okay so say he has a baby the same year season 4 was set in so say she’s just a teen and that would set this around 1999 (I was only 6 at the time so I’m not sure what the homosexual world was like at the time but I assume it was similar to the 80s so she’s still a little nervous to tell Steve) also I’m making it canon that she’s talked to Robin beforehand (and knows she’s gay too).

Oh and if I didn’t mention, I decided to do just a random blurb instead of Abbie in the SingleTeenMom verse because frankly I want that child to stay a baby LOL I wrote the one teen blurb and I was like “why am I so sad this child is grown” 🤣

“Hey dad? Can I talk to you?”

Steve looked up, seeing his not so little girl, looking at him nervously.

She was nearly in high school, 13 going on 14 and was becoming a young woman.

“Of course,” he scooted over on the couch, patting the seat next to him, “Come sit with your old man.”

“Dad,” she groaned, rolling her eyes, “You’re not even mid 30’s yet.”

“Yeah, well, you’re growing up too fast. You’re making me feel old,” he joked.

She laughed and he noticed her relax a little.

“Now, what’s got you so stressed?”

She bit her lip, as if thinking over her answer.

“Do you remember with aunt Robin told you she had a crush on Tammy Thompson?”

Steve remembered the day clearly. It was one where he decided that it didn’t matter if Robin liked pink polka-dotted elephants, she was still going to be his best friend.

Of course, Robin had been petrified to admit to him and was relieved to know he treated her no differently. There were some awful people ten years ago, still were today. There was still much change that needed to happen in that area though.

“Yeah, of course. Why?”

She shrugged.

“Aunt Robin told me the story the other day. I still can’t believe you were drugged by Russians though,” she crinkled her nose at him.

Steve laughed heartily.

“That’s an entire story for another day, definitely.”

He could tell she had something on her mind, so he waited for her to continue.

“So, it really didn’t bother you? When aunt Robin told you?”

“Of course not,” Steve said seriously, “Because no matter who she loves, she was and still is my best friend. That doesn’t change that fact at all.”

She fidgeted nervously, not looking up at him when she spoke her next question.

“What if I had my own Tammy Thompson?” she whispered.

Steve realized what a monumental moment this was for his daughter and silently thanked the universe that she had a great role model such as Robin.

“As long as you’re happy, I will always support you, honey. And I will always love you, no matter what,” he emphasized the last point, making sure she truly understood his meaning.

Her answering smile made him realize that she did.

“I love you dad.”

She launched herself into his arms, her body much more relaxed than it had been. She’d been just like Robin and taken a huge chance, something that was scary, but she had done it.

Steve couldn’t be more proud of her.

“I love you too, honey.”