#my dad keeps yelling at me about that and is guilt tripping me about it

[unch4rtedwxters]

.

[yardsards]

how to explain to your parents that you can't move back in with them because every time you're near them a big part of you buries itself and you're not sure how long that part can stay buried before its hidey hole becomes its grave?

...without offending them, of course

[kiwiikato]

mommy’s here // ken sato x reader

Chapter One

masterlist

the sound of feet slammed against the floor. a yell tearing the air. the city lights flashed around their eyes as they held their head in their hands. the body lunging forward with as much force mustered.

his breaths were shaky as he fell to the ground. his body trying to compose itself as he rushed away from where the KDF were attacking the kaiju. the kaiju he could not defeat. this wasn't his first time running away from the fight.

he didn't even want to be there. he just wanted to play baseball, but this is what he gets for coming back to japan to help his father. his father that wasn't even there, that lectured him, that left him and his mother alone. he hated this.

he knew it was wrong of him to run from the scene but he couldn't avoid it. he held his left arm that now stung with pain, running to his motorbike that sat hidden in the dark. 

"ken, the KDF seem to be using excessive force. shall i plot a course back to the battle?" the voice of mina rang through his ears. his eyes following drones that flew by him. "you know what, imma punch out for the night. let the KDF handle it." his smirk that graced his sharp features quickly morphed into a frown as a call from his dad showed on the inside of his helmet.

"right on time, here comes the guilt trip." he sighed. "he's already left 10 messages." mina's robotic voices spoke out as calls of his dad flashed on his screen. "nope! no thanks, i've had my butt kicked enough tonight. please silence all calls, mina. i need some me time." he said focusing on the road ahead of him.

"after your interview with miss wakita, of course." mina briefly mentioned. his figure shot up quickly while still riding. "wait! with the same lady from the press conference?" "yes ken, the same lady from the press conference. and your an hour late." he could only shift down, but looked up and sped up his bike, zooming past cars as he switched lanes like nothing.

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"i heard you're really good at avoiding hard questions." ami's voice spoke up in the dim lighted room, as kenji only slurped at the noodles in front of him. "mmm! these noodles are killer. want some?" the irony of the situation being him avoiding the statement. "i'm okay. thanks. mind if i record?" her soft voice spoke up as she lifted up phone in front of her.

"mm do your thing." he said, uncaring of the situation. "so you've had an impressive career." she started off. "gold glove. silver slugger. tea?" he spoke up picking up the kettle near him as she dismissed his offer with a wave of her hand. "and yet you've never won a championship." she responded back.

he could only put down the kettle and let out a breathy chuckle. "wow. right for the throat." "it's just an observation." she said calmly. "'just an observation.' sure. you know, there are lots of great players who never won titles." his voice laced with defense as her words. "yes. and some say you're better than all of them."

"some?" he could only chuckle while pulling his cup away from his lips. "you have seen me play, right?" he said leaning in tauntingly. it wasn't hard to deny the cockiness that came with his words. his pride was biggest feature besides the skills he boasted about.

"420 batting average. 624 stolen bases." ami responded sitting confidently, her hand lifting in the air, "but?" kenji inquired as he stretched out the word. "but personal stats don't win championships." "so my ego is holding me back?" he assumed as he poured rhetorical sauce from a cup into his noodles, all while aggravated.

"i didn't say that. and to be honest, i'm not here to discuss stats." her voice was loud, laced with confidence but slight annoyance at his behavior. "then why are we discussing stats?" "because players are more comfortable talking about stats then themselves." she remarked back.

"hey i'm happy to talk about me." "great! because i want to know why. why you avoid most interviews, why you keep your teammates at a distance, and why you left a city that loves you to..." her strong tone slowly went quiet as she saw what the man in front of her was doing.

"you know, your supposed to dip your noodles in the sauce." he could only look at her, his eyes peering out from his sunglasses. "i like doing things my way." he could only tauntingly pour the sauce into the noodles. "okay, let's remind. earlier, i asked about your mother."

the interview slowly passed by as he could only zone out from the questions being asked. he felt himself disassociate from the conversation, his whole body on autopilot till the moment he was back home. it was the one place he could relax and get away from those that pestered him.

he could only stand in the holographic life size park that mina loaded onto the room as his body moved forward, swinging his bat as it slammed against the ball. he could only watch as it shot back into the sky at his force. "yeah! that's what i'm talking about!" he yelled excited. it was short lived as pain erupted from his shoulder, reaching out to hold it from the pain.

the robotic sphere known as mina flew down, scanning his body. "ken, it appears that you have sprained your rotator cuff during the battle." the hologram of the park faded away, resulting back into the usual metal room. he walked away as she trailed behind him through the doors. "yup, that's what i get for saving lives."

"ken, it is your duty to save lives." mina said as she hovered behind him. "yeah well i prefer to save my arm and leave the kaijus to the KDF." he said as he walked towards a long couch. "you know what happens when you leave it to the KDF." he could only chuck mockingly as he sat down.

"yeah. i have a double-double, a chocolate shake, and a good nights sleep. now stop trying to be my mother." he said staring mina down. "i am as i was programmed." he only looked down after, tapping his foot against the bottom of his couch.

a cabinet popped out, almost a cooler, showing drinks inside that rolled around. he could only scoff in shock, looking up surprised. "coconut water?!? mina, did you throw my fancy fizzy drinks?" he interrogated.

"healthy choices, healthy body." he could only sigh as he opened a can of coconut water. he took a sip only to clear his throat in disgust. "mmm, taste just like a fart." he said annoyed. "ken, i wonder if you might consider taking a break."

"from drinking farts?" "from baseball." kenji could only look up at mina in shock. "give up the one thing that puts a smile on my face? sorry. no. tv please." mina listened to his command, the tv turning on in response.

the screen showcased the scene from where he had fought the kaiju from above. "more destruction today as the KDF and ultraman battles neronga. as one witness told us..." the news reporters voice quieted down as the news now showed an older lady.

"i love ultraman. always have. he's done so much good in the past." "thank you citizen." kenji told the tv as he rained the coconut water in a cheer. the older lady began to talk. "but he's been gone for months. and now that he's back, it's like he doesn't really care. i mean look at this."

kenji could only sit and stare. "i didn't even want this gig. and now everybody's coming at me." he said getting ready to turn off the tv. until something caught his ear. "but it wasn't all bad. i thought the situation was a lost cause when ultraman bolted from the scene. until someone else came in."

kenji could only stop in shock, confused at what she was referencing. "they came out of nowhere, helping to stop neronga. i don't know who it was but they were just as big as ultraman himself. thank you new hero, thank you."

he stared at the tv as it displayed scenes of someone fighting neronga. 'who was this? where were they this entire time?' another metal hero ran towards neronga, slamming into the kaijus body as they wrestled them down. grabbing its horn, they pushed it down, the kaiju roaring out as a laser shot from its mouth.

the new person summoned a shield as they jumped away from the attack. they could only crouch down in response, jumping into the air, only to land on its back. they grabbed their horn once again, small cracks showing from the force of the heroes grip.

wrapping their arms around its torso, they lifted neronga up. kenji could only watch as they flipped them over with intense strength, body slamming neronga to an already destroyed building, knocking them unconscious. the hero could only stand up proudly, only to jump away from the cameras.

the footage ended there as he stared in disbelief. "who is that? where the fuck did they come from mina?!" he yelled as he turned the tv off, his hands raking through his hair. as far as he knew, he was the only hero here. the only person that had this duty passed down to since his fathers injury. right?

mina could only stare at his face of shock, examining the situation. "ken, please calm down. letting your emotions react this way will cause you to undergo stress, affecting your strained shoulder."

he could only huff out intense breaths, slowly calming down as he moved to sit back down on his couch. 'what was that? why am i barely hearing about them now? why did they only show up after i left the scene? do they work for the KDF?' his head produced question after question, trying to think of what could have been happening.

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soft footsteps walked up stairs till they stopped in front of a door. the source of the noise raised their hand, knocking on the door there times. the door opened slightly, leaving a small crack open. the person behind the door took notice of who knocked. quickly the door opened, shushing them inside the room. "good job on finishing your task (y/n), i am proud of the progress you have made."

they could only smile softly at the praise, giving them a bow as a sign of their gratitude. "thank you professor sato. i could not have come this far if it was not for your help." the pair sat down, slowly getting lost in new tactics that they could use for the next battle.

[mostly-marvel-musings]

Like a moth to a flame

A/N: You and Tony have separated for three months now, raising your five year old daughter Emily as co-parents. This is heavily inspired from something I read recently. Leave a heart, comment or reblog if you enjoyed reading!

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: 18+ angst, infidelity, some fluff. Nobody’s perfect!

Word count: 3.5k

Tony Stark Masterlist

.

“Did you have fun at Daddy’s?”

You chuckled at your daughter’s enthusiastic nodding as she grabbed your hand and skipped towards your car. Happy had waited for you outside with Emily while you dodged traffic to get to her, making you wonder where Tony was. Probably holed up in his lab? Maybe he was with her? The latter made your stomach drop at the mere thought. It should’ve stopped affecting you by now, right? Wrong.

While you secured Emily in her booster seat, she went on about the things she did during her weekend with her father. She usually spent every other weekend at the Stark Tower being utterly spoiled by her Dad. He didn’t get enough time with her and whatever little he did, he made sure to indulge her and how. You couldn’t complain though, he was a good father. If only he were a good husband, you thought…

“Pepper helped me with my drawing yesterday.”

Her statement made you halt your movements. He was bringing her home now? And with your daughter there? It angered you.

“What was she–I–I mean what did you draw baby?” you forced a smile on your face as you pulled out of the driveway, keeping your eyes on the road.

“The quinjet. And then we had pizzas. And ice-cream!” she exclaimed, fumbling around her little bag to show you what she had drawn. Even at five, she had already taken after her Dad, she was obsessed with his work, his suits, all the tech jargon which you didn’t understand. She had been a Daddy’s girl ever since she had been in your tummy.

Emily had talked your ear off the entire ride home while your mind was still stuck on the fact that Tony had the guts to bring her home. His mistress. The name made you cringe but that’s what she was. You would bring it up with him later, you thought. Bringing her in Emily’s life could lead to tons of questions that you didn’t want to answer. What did he even introduce her to Emily as? A friend? You scoffed at the thought, parking your vehicle in your garage before helping your daughter out with her bags.

You had been silent through dinner, occasionally nodding your head while your daughter spoke about her upcoming dance recital. Your mind was clouded with the thoughts of that fateful night when you walked in on your husband and found out your marriage was over.

Pressing a kiss against Emily’s forehead, you whispered good night before safely tucking her in and making your way out of her room with a smile on your face. FRIDAY announced Tony’s return from a business trip and you had found him in your en-suite hastily discarding his suit. He seemed jumpy when you approached him for a kiss.

“What’s wrong, Tony?” you frowned, noticing a red stain on his white under shirt. Was it lipstick?

Wordlessly, you had unbuttoned his shirt, fingers shaking with anger as your eyes landed on a prominent hickey marked on his shoulder. Was he hoping you wouldn’t notice it? As if right on cue, his phone that was on the counter buzzed with Pepper’s name flashing across the screen. It was a punch in your gut. Only the worst.

With guilt splashed all over his features, Tony walked out behind you as tears clouded your vision.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen, Y/N. It was a mistake. I’m s–”

“You’re sorry?” you yelled, turning to look him in the eye while he lowered his gaze to the floor.

“You’re sorry for sleeping with her or you’re sorry that I found out? How long has this been going on, Tony? You know what? Don’t answer that. It doesn’t matter.” you muttered, pushing past him to pack a suitcase with your things, not having a plan in mind but knowing you needed to get the hell away from him.

“Where are you going, Y/N?” he asked desperately trying to stop you.

“I don’t know. I can’t stay here.”

“Honey, please. We can talk about it, don’t go. Please!”

“You broke your vows, Anthony!” you screamed, brushing away hot tears that streamed down your cheeks as you resumed packing.

All of his attempts to stop you failed, you couldn’t believe what the day had turned into. In the morning Tony had promised to spend the entire weekend with his girls and now the day had ended with a cheating husband and a ruined marriage.

It took you a long time to be civil with him. Every time you looked at him, it reminded you of what he had done. Your heart broke all over again. You refused to speak about the incident, you couldn’t. Yet you couldn’t avoid him forever. Because you had a daughter to think about. A daughter who was concerned about her parents’ strange behavior towards each other. It was out of the blue for her. If only you had the ability to explain.

Three months ago, you separated from Tony, agreeing to make Emily’s life as normal as you possibly could. It took time, a lot of it, but eventually you came to terms with it. Well, almost. Tony was still the father of your child, he was still the man you had fallen madly in love with all those years ago. All that love doesn’t just disappear overnight, right?

“Mama?” you felt Emily tug on your arm, staring up at you with her big brown eyes she’d gotten from her Dad.

“Yes?”

“The story?” she pointed to the book you clutched tightly in your hands, waiting for her bedtime story like she did every night. Shaking your head, you snapped yourself out of it and began reading her the story she’d chosen, putting thoughts of your failed marriage on the backburner.

.

On Friday, you felt you were coming down with a flu. Aching muscles, chills and a stuffy nose, you were miserable and ready to sleep your way through the weekend. You were thankful Tony was coming to pick Emily up for the weekend, you didn’t want your daughter falling ill.

Emily jumped from the couch and ran towards the door the moment your doorbell rang, clearly excited about seeing her Dad after a couple of weeks. You were pleasantly surprised to see Rhodey accompanying your husband as they both greeted your daughter with matching smiles before turning to you.

“Y/N! My favourite Stark!” Rhodey chuckled, sticking his tongue out at Emily who giggled.

You were still a Stark. You never actually got to file for a divorce. Not that you wanted to. It was all too confusing. You still harbored feelings for Tony even though he broke your heart. Those feelings weren’t going anywhere, especially not when he was so good with you and Emily. Watching him interact with her always made you happy. Ever since you’d got together, you had wanted to raise kids with Tony. It had been a dream that turned into a reality the day you found out you were pregnant.

“Rhodey. What a pleasant surprise! I’d hug you but I don’t want to get you sick.” you smiled at your friend, giving Tony the same smile who had a look of concern on his face. Your nose was red and you looked pale, it worried him greatly.

“What happened, Y/N?” he asked, coming over to feel your forehead with the back of his hand, filling your nostrils with his familiar scent.

“Oh it’s just a cold, I’m sure. Nothing to worry about.” you dismissed, contemplating bringing up the Pepper incident from two weeks ago. You still hadn’t addressed it.

While you packed the last of Emily’s things in her bag, Tony knocked on the door of her room and cleared his throat.

“So, I asked Rhodey to take Em to the park. I’m gonna stay over to make you my magic soup.”

The tone of definiteness in his voice left little room for argument, knowing Tony he wouldn’t let up, so you agreed. It was thoughtful of him. It would give you two a chance to talk as well.

“Have fun with Uncle Rhodey and no sprinting out of sight, okay? Call me if you need anything, Rhodes.” you called out to the pair of them.

“I will. Feel better, Y/N.”

“Bye, Mama! Bye Daddy!”

You smiled as Tony blew her a kiss which she pretended to catch, a habit she had picked up watching the two of you, when you were together. That seemed a long time ago now, you thought sadly.

You felt nervous all of a sudden being alone with him, it wasn’t the first time but it was after a long time. Tony’s eyes landed on your t-shirt and a smile appeared on his lips.

“I knew you stole this.”

Looking down at his MIT t-shirt, you smiled back, it had been your favourite clothing to sleep in. You always wore it when you missed him a little extra, even after years of you stealing it, it still distinctly smelled of Tony Stark. Your Tony Stark.

“I can give it back.” you teased, but Tony shook his head.

“Looks better on you anyway.”

You tried to ignore the butterflies you felt at his statement, perching yourself on the counter while Tony grabbed an apron, moving around in your kitchen with ease as he brought the things he needed to make the soup.

You spoke back and forth about your work, chuckling when Tony swatted your hand away as you tried to grab a piece of carrot. It felt nice to have him around you again, it felt familiar. He tried for weeks to get you to talk to him, at first, you had ignored all his pleas. But then, for the sake of your daughter, you met with him, heard his apology, allowed him to gather you in his arms when you broke down.

You still needed time and he respected that. From that day on, you had found a way to be around your husband without the need to punish him for his deeds. It still hurt and you still hadn’t forgiven him, but you were amicable.

Noticing he went upstairs to your bedroom, you frowned as he returned with a large knit blanket.

“You get the full Maria Stark treatment tonight.” he winked, wrapping the blanket around you and placing a soft kiss against your forehead, making those butterflies return. He had explained how his mother always made him a soup that helped with all kinds of cold and flu, causing it to magically disappear, hence the name. You knew Tony missed her.

After all this time, he made sure to mention her to his kid, telling her stories about her grandma who would’ve doted on her granddaughter if she were alive.

After making sure you had a big bowl of soup, Tony and you found yourselves on your couch, with your legs draped across his lap, his hands gently massaging your foot. Rhodey had texted that he was taking Emily to dinner, giving you more time with each other before they returned.

“Why was Pepper at the house, Tony?” you blurted out, not beating around the bush.

“I didn’t know she was gonna show up, Y/N. Honestly, I didn’t want her there but she began speaking to Emily and the next thing I know they’re in Em’s room, colouring away. I didn’t want to have an argument in front of her.”

You scoffed, shaking your head at his statement. Surely he could’ve thrown her out if he didn’t want her there?

“Babe, please–”

“I don’t want her spending time with my child, Tony. You’re free to fuck whoever you wish to but she needs to stay away from Emily.” you fought back tears as you said those words, looking away from the man, not wanting him to see you so weak.

Tony knelt in front of you, grabbing both your hands in his, pleading you to look at him.

“She won’t be around our kid, Y/N. I promise you. I don’t plan on seeing her ever. She took me by surprise that day. It won’t happen again. I need you to believe me.”

You allowed him to wipe your tears away with his thumb, managed a small nod before he sat right beside you, opening his arms for you.

Your eyes fell close as Tony embraced you, hugging you to his chest, rubbing your back soothingly. His familiar scent enveloped your senses, reminding you of home.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done to screw this up. I made a mistake for which I probably don’t deserve your forgiveness but I swear I will do whatever it takes to make myself worthy of your love again. I never stopped loving you and I never will. You and Em are my whole world.” he murmured with utmost sincerity, kissing the top of your head repeatedly as you listened, not bothering to wipe the tears that stained his shirt.

You believed him.

.

“Tony. Tony! Anthony Edward Stark, your daughter is kicking for the first time and you’re missing it.”

You called out after your husband ignored your calls, hunched over his work station in the lab. That however made him snap out of it and sprint over to place both his hands on your belly, feeling your baby kick against his hand rather enthusiastically. He knelt in front of you with the biggest grin you’d seen, placing a kiss against your swollen tummy before speaking to your unborn child.

“I can’t wait to meet you either, sweetheart. I love you so much already. I love you both.” he blinked up at you, filling your heart with happiness.

“We still don’t have a name for this one.” you point out as Tony helped you into a chair, scratching the back of his head as he thought about it.

“Hmm. Rose…Lily…Emily?”

At the mention of Emily, you felt a firm kick that you wince.

“Well she likes Emily, so I guess it’s settled.” you laughed as Tony placed his hands on your belly once again to feel his child respond.

The memory roused you from your sleep as you felt someone crawl on your bed. Tony had stayed over and you both passed out on your bed late last night, and now Emily was crawling her way between the two of you, rubbing her eyes that were still heavy with sleep.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Tony’s voice was almost too loud for the time of the day as your daughter snuggled close to you, wrapping both her arms around your neck.

“Are you feeling better?” Tony asked you, checking your temperature once again. You were feeling better than yesterday already although the exhaustion still prevailed.

“I’m gonna make some coffee–”

“Shh, Daddy!” The irritation in her voice made you giggle as you saw your husband huff playfully and rest his head against his palm, watching the two of you with a soft expression on his face.

“Yeah. Shh Daddy.” you repeated with a grin, cradling Emily against your chest as you closed your eyes again. Not long after, you felt a strong pair of arms wrap both of you in a comforting hug as Tony muttered ‘I’m not missing family snuggle time.’

.

It was the day of the big fundraiser at Stark Tower.

You had made a commitment to show up months ago, given you had helped organize the whole thing in the first place. Plus a part of you felt hopeful since the night Tony stayed over, you saw a glimmer of hope after what had been a painfully grey three months.

Since that day, you saw tangible efforts from Tony towards fixing your marriage, he showed up for Emily’s recitals, checked on you more often than he would, spent several nights over at your place just chatting, it felt easy to get back into routine with him, it felt familiar.

Sure it didn’t erase the past but it felt like a step towards the right direction. Deep down, you knew you wouldn’t want to be away from him, the thought of divorcing Tony was far from your mind now.

You dressed up well for the occasion, got your hair and make up done, you wanted to look good, not just for yourself but for your husband too. A part of you wanted him to realize what he had been missing out on for these past few months.

Your sequined red gown showed off your curves perfectly, the plunging neckline offered just enough cleavage for a tease.

“You look so pretty, Mama!” your daughter made you twirl around before you swooped down to kiss her goodbye. You had arranged for a babysitter for Emily tonight, not wanting her to stay up too late.

Tony had Happy pick you up and drive you over to Stark Tower; he had texted you asking about your outfit, wanting to match his pocket square to the colour of your dress. Opening the door for you, Tony felt his breath hitch as his eyes landed on you. You were a vision.

Offering you his hand, he let his eyes shamelessly rake over your form, drinking you in. His heart sang a happy song at the sight of the stunning engagement ring and wedding band sitting on your finger as he clasped your hand in his.

“Y/N, wow…you look so beautiful.”

You blushed under his gaze, heart fluttering happily as he stepped closer. Unable to help himself, Tony captured your lips in a soft kiss, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you closer, not caring about anything else.

You felt it linger way after it was over, the touch of his lips on yours after such a long time. It made you smile at each other like teenagers who’d kissed for the very first time.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it.” he cleared his throat as he stepped back, cautious of overwhelming you before he offered you his arm which you gladly took.

As frowned as a vaguely familiar car stopped right outside the entrance, and out stepped the last woman you wanted to lay your eyes on. Pepper Potts.

You weren’t letting her ruin your evening. Not anymore. She had done enough damage. Letting go of Tony’s arm, you stormed right over to her, ready to give her a piece of your mind.

“I don’t remember you being invited here, Pepper. Not tonight. Not ever, actually.” you fumed, trying to keep your anger in check while Tony walked over, glaring at her while keeping an arm around you.

“Oh I never show up unannounced, Tony invited me months ago, didn’t you Tony?” her face was smug, you had to do everything in your power not to punch her right then and there. Tony opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off.

“Unless you want your skinny little arms ripped off, I suggest you crawl back into that car of yours and stay the fuck away from my family.” the death stare you sent her way was enough for her to back off, you saw her gulp and give your husband one last glance before cursing under her breath and leaving.

You strode inside angrily with Tony following two steps behind, equal parts impressed and turned on by your reaction. Motioning the waiter, he offered you a glass of champagne which you downed in one go, letting out a breath you had been holding.

“I can’t believe that just happened.” you whispered, still high on adrenaline as you paced about.

“That was hot, Y/N.” he exclaimed, warily stepping closer to you, glad when you didn’t push him away. You rolled your eyes at his statement but gladly accepted the kiss he offered. He pulled you flush against his chest, pushing his tongue past your lips while your arms found their way behind his neck, tugging on his hair, needing him now more than ever. He shared your sentiment as you felt his erection against your core, making you break the kiss, much to his dismay.

“Really Tony?” you couldn’t help the smile that threatened to split your face as Tony shrugged. Despite the circumstances, the two of you were made for each other, you knew that. You were like a moth to his flame. You couldn’t stay away even if you tried.

“Bathroom. Five minutes.” you gave him a little shove, winking at the man over your shoulder before heading towards the bathroom, ready to claim what was already yours.

[eff4freddie]

After She Left | Ten

Words: 5k

After the dramatic expulsion of Steven and Wren, things settle down a little in Jackson. You've found a way to keep tutoring Ellie that keeps you out of Joel's orbit, and Joel is trying to adapt to his new situation at home. He'll fight hard not to feel things, but he'll always lose when it comes to his girls.

Chapter warnings: Angst, reader gets drunk but isn't out of control, reader is almost as bad at feelings at Joel is, lots of pining coupled with vague attempts to deny anything's wrong

A/N: Coming to the end of the second act now, which means things are going to ramp up again soon. Ya'll wanted emotionally tortured Joel doing penance for being a dick, and you got it!

Nine | Series Masterlist | Eleven

‘Ok, who can tell me what the capital of America is?’ you asked, nearly saying ‘was’ before you caught yourself. Almost all hands raised in the air.

‘Washington DC,’ Dina answered, confidently. You nodded.

‘Excellent, and why was it named Washington?’

‘It was named after George Washington!’ Mika nearly screamed, because he liked a competition.

‘And who was he?’ you prompted, trying not to laugh at the way he was practically bouncing up and down on his chair.

‘He was the first president!’ Mika yelled again, and you grinned.

‘Very good, but take a breath my man,’ you said. He slumped, sucking in the air around him like he’d run a marathon.  

‘How did he die?’ Ellie asked, suddenly. She’d been quiet all morning.

‘He got sick, umm…a throat thing,’ you said, trying to remember your eighth-grade history.

‘That’s it?’ she asked.

‘Was he infected?’ Mika asked, suddenly panicky, and Ellie rolled her eyes.

‘They didn’t have the fungus back then, dumbass,’ she hissed.

‘Ellie!’ you gasped, surprise on your face. ‘Apologise to Mika right now.’

She looked at you, just as surprised by your tone. A moment passed between you, a correction, you realised, of a dynamic that had started to creep. You were her teacher and her tutor and her friend, and also for a while you had been sort of seeing her Dad, but that wasn’t a thing anymore and now you had to discipline her, and Jackson was a really fucking small town but right now it felt like it could fit on the head of a pin.

You thought, for a moment, that she was going to fight you. But you watched her deflate, the anger seeping out of her bones.

‘M’sorry,’ she said. You hazarded a glance at Mika, who was now almost completely folded in on himself.

‘It’s OK,’ he said. It wasn’t.

You waited until the end of the day to pull Ellie aside.

‘Ok, what was that before?’ you asked, and she shrugged. She had been quiet again for the rest of the day, not willing to be drawn on questions you knew she had the answer to, and when it came to math in the afternoon she had just stared out the window and drew circles on her paper. You held in a sigh. ‘Mika looks up to you, y’know,’ trying the time-honoured tradition of guilt tripping to keep a teenager in line.

‘I know,’ she said, looking up at you, then, defiant and angry again. ‘I know he does but how is that my job?’

‘OK…’ you started, feeling already that you were getting tugged out to sea by her riptide. ‘I think maybe we need to reset…’

‘Like, did he even ask me if I wanted him to follow me around like a fuckin’ puppy? No. And I don’t want him to. I don’t want to hang out with some stupid fuckin’ kid. It’s embarrassing. What about what I want to do?’

It was a lot in a short period of time, and you were torn on how best to approach it. On the one hand you should probably cool her down, on the other she was finally speaking up about whatever it was that was bothering you. On a third hand she was swearing quite a fucking lot.

‘Ellie…’ you started, but you stopped when you realised her eyes were growing red. ‘Hey, kiddo…’

‘Don’t,’ she said, holding her hand up to you. ‘Not your kiddo.’

‘No, but…but I care about you…’

She bit her lip, obviously wanting to take it all back. You felt a compulsion to wrap her up in your arms and hug her tightly to you, but you knew she wasn’t the type for that. She tugged on her long sleeves. ‘Why do I feel like this isn’t really about Mika?’ you hazarded.

‘He’s moving her into the house,’ Ellie spat, the tears starting to roll down her cheeks. ‘He didn’t even ask me what I wanted.’

It had been weeks since you’d been over there, Ellie choosing to come to you for your sessions. You had thought, initially, that she was trying to spare you from having to deal with Joel, but suddenly you saw it in a different light. You were respite. You were a port in a storm.

You swallowed your own feelings down, a little kick in the gut that would have looked a lot like anguish if you decided to turn your gaze to it.

‘He said she could have the spare room, but then she just moved all her stuff straight into his.’

You weren’t going to think about it. Not about her asleep in his sheets, wrapped up in his arms, his lips pressing soft kisses to her forehead while she slept. None of it.

‘Oh, that’s…’ you started, but couldn’t think how to answer that question. Part of you was howling, while another part of you was working so hard to remind yourself you didn’t care anymore.

‘I’m gonna move out,’ she said, and your attention snapped back to her.

‘What? Ellie you can’t…’

‘There’s a studio out the back, its got proper insulation. Tommy checked in. It has electricity. I’m fuckin’ going out there.’

‘And Joel is OK with that?’ you asked, and she looked down at her shoes.

‘He seemed kind of relieved,’ she muttered. You put a hand on her shoulder.

‘That can’t have been it,’ you said. She looked up into your eyes, and you plastered what you hoped was a confident expression on your face. ‘Can’t have been,’ you repeated.

--

You were restless. It had been a few hours since your conversation with Ellie and you’d been turning it over in your head like a puzzle you could put together if you could just find the right piece. It was silly, but you wanted to know if Joel had ever felt anything for you, or for anyone in the past twenty years, or if it had been Shauna the whole time. If he’d just been waiting for her, hoping and pining, and you’d been a convenient way to spend his time until she appeared.

It just seemed so fast, that they were already together. You wondered if they had ever really, truly, been apart.

You paced in front of your doorway. The nights were getting cold again, and it was getting darker earlier, and so you didn’t really feel like going for a walk. You wanted to go and see Maria and Baby Robin, but you felt strange about it now, seeing her with Shauna as often as you did. You had the strange feeling of having been corrected and replaced, a new version of you with edits, out and about living the life you should have if you had been any good at it.

You’d already eaten. The little makeshift library would be closed. You thought about dropping in on Billy at the wall, but the wind was picking up and you weren’t sure when Joel’s next shift was. You hated that you still navigated by his bearings.

At your front porch, you let your legs walk you where they wanted to. As you listened to the crunch of your boots on the gravel you thought of life beyond the wall, tried to imagine all the horrors Shauna would have been dealing with out there. She travelled with two men, and you weren’t so naïve that you didn’t know what that would have cost her. You wondered if she’d spent time in a QZ, if she’d had a job there. She didn’t seem like the type to be enlisted; she probably would have been too old on outbreak day.

You had to believe it was unintentional, her finding Joel and Jackson. You couldn’t think of any way it couldn’t have been, and you tried. So, what was it then that she had found him, in a world almost totally wiped clear, other than a kind of kismet? Who were you to interfere in luck that strong? In something so fated as to be almost impossible. You weren’t a religious person, not spiritual in any real way, not after everything you’d seen and lost, but even you had to respect when the Universe was sending such an obvious message.

You stopped, looking up to discover your feet had marched you to the Bison. Fair enough. If you weren’t going to ignore clear and obvious and pretty fucking painful messages from the Universe, you better not start now.

--

Joel was irritated. More than irritated, more than frustrated. Shauna was in his place all the fuckin’ time now, and he wasn’t entirely sure how it got to be that way, and now Ellie was talking about movin’ out to the studio right as the weather was turning, right as the cold was going to set back in, and he was going to go knocking on her door one day and find her frozen fuckin’ solid under some thin little blanket Tommy has scrounged up for her instead of warm and safe under his roof.

He stood out the front of his porch, looking suspiciously at the potted plants Shauna had lined up against the railing. She said it was about being homely, about bringing in a little colour, but Joel couldn’t help but notice all of her womanly touched appeared at the front of the place. Visible from the street.

He paced. He’d done another shift on the wall and normally he’d be desperate to sit down, rest his knees and his back. Take some of the pressure off his aching bones. But now his house felt different, like it wasn’t fully his own. He’d lost something. Another something.

Ducking under the side windows he made it way around the back to the studio, careful to push the door open just enough to slip in unheard from the house. He didn’t turn the light on, didn’t want to draw any attention. He stood in the middle of it, staring at the bare window and the cold concrete floor.

He’d been grateful for the peace, for a while. With Steve and Wren excised from the community things settled in. Shauna was getting back on track with the council, seemed to have settled more into her role as Maria’s almost PA, as Tommy’s kind of but not quite assistant. She hummed when she cooked dinner, some kind of tuneless melody that might have been a song he could recognise before she mangled it. She was no better chef than she was twenty years ago.

It had just come on so quickly, his history clawing out of the depths and grabbing him by the middle. Fast enough he hadn’t noticed until he was pulled under.

He heard the door creak and he swung around, bracing.

‘Sorry, brother,’ Tommy said, arms up in surrender. ‘Didn’t realise you were in here.’

‘Keep your voice down,’ Joel muttered, pulling his brother in and easing the door closed.

‘You in hidin’ in here?’ Tommy asked, and Joel huffed out a frustrated sigh.

‘Just didn’t feel like…dealing with anything for a minute,’ he said. Tommy watched as his older brother grimaced, holding his hip.

‘You hurt?’ he asked.

‘Nah,’ Joel dismissed, waving the brotherly concern away. ‘Just been on the couch the last few weeks, ain’t sure it ever had springs worth a damn but twenty years ain’t helped it none.’

‘On the couch, huh?’ Tommy asked, surprised by this little glimpse into Joels’ home life.

‘I ain’t with Shauna,’ Joel said, because he could read his brother’s mind, being so similar to his own.

Tommy nodded, walking to the wall of the room and leaning against it, one leg bent at the knee as he rested his foot behind him.

‘So what’s goin’ on there, brother?’ he asked, and watched as Joel turned away.

‘She just…she’s just suddenly everywhere,’ Joel said, after a while.

‘When you moved her out of ours, I thought…’

‘She said it was too damp, that it was makin’ her stuffed up. I dunno. She used to get real sneezy in the Spring.’

Tommy nodded at this. He’d been happy to have his garage back, but he considered now he might have been a little too keen to push her out.

‘How did I lose it again?’ Joel asked, almost to himself.

‘What do you…’

‘She was under m’roof, now she’s movin’ out here to the cold. We were a family, for a second, we were safe. There was a kind of…’

‘Peace,’ Tommy supplied, and Joel nodded.

‘I failed her again, Tommy,’ he said, voice thick enough that Tommy faltered. ‘Both of ‘em,’ he said.

Tommy didn’t need to ask who. He’d seen the change in his brother when Ellie started tutoring, had seen the way he was fighting happiness like he couldn’t quite believe it, like he knew all too well what it was like to have it ripped out from under him, to have it bleed in his arms. Knew his brother and that he was a fast learner, that he wasn’t often fooled twice.

‘You didn’t believe it,’ Tommy said, after a while. Joel nodded, fighting hard to keep tamping down whatever was currently trying to crawl up and out of his sternum.

‘Every time I look at Shauna…’ he said, stopping for a second to catch his breath. ‘She has her eyes, Tommy.’

Tommy smiled warmly at this, having noticed the same. It might have been why he offered Shauna the garage in the first place, so sure he was watching Sarah stare back at her uncle through her mother’s eyes. It had made it impossible to say no, and he hadn’t wanted to.

‘No…’ Joel was saying, ‘you don’t unnerstand.’ Tommy realised there were tears threatening to spill down Joel’s cheeks. ‘She’s there every time I look at Shauna, but she’s not there, not in the right now. Every time I look at Shauna I think about m’little girl. I think about all the love for her, cuz it’s still right there, Tommy.’ Joel rubbed at his chest, thumping over his heart. ‘And…I think about losin’ her. I think about those eyes going hazy starin’ up at me in that damn field.’

Joel felt his stomach roll, worried for a moment the memory was so strong he would conjure it in front of himself. He could smell her blood again, mixed in with the dirt and the long grass.

‘Shauna’s here all the damn time, and now it’s like it was all yesterday again. I see m’little girl’s face gone all pale, I feel her in my arms…’

Joel stopped. He didn’t have the words anymore, couldn’t trust that he would be able to speak them out loud. He realised he was shaking, that he was close to toppling over when he took a step back and had to steady himself on the bench. In moments he was wrapped in his brother’s arms, holding on nearly as tight as the moment they’d been reunited the first time Joel made it to Jackson.

‘I know, brother, I see it too,’ Tommy said, feeling his own tears tracking down his cheeks.

‘Shauna’s costin’ me everything. Teach, maybe Ellie… I can’t stand it, but I can’t… I want her near, Tommy. I gotta look after her, cuz there’s my little girl in those eyes, and I can’t fuckin’ fail her again.’

Tommy nodded, his words too caught up in his throat. All he could do was nod, clap his brother on the back a few times. After a minute he let go, rearranging his jacket and clearing his throat as Joel composed himself a few paces away.

‘When Ellie said she wanted to come out here I was almost…it almost felt like a good thing. I dunno…some kind of, separation maybe? From history and…whatever the fuck this is now.’

Tommy didn’t really understand, probably would never, but he agreed with his big brother just the same.

‘We can make it real nice in here, Joel. We can make it warm, make sure its dry. I’m already thinkin’ about rugs, Maria reckons she can sew up some curtains.’

Joel appraised the room. He had seen his brother repair worse.

‘She’s a teenager, would have wanted her own space one day anyhow,’ he rationalised, and Tommy agreed.

‘It might be good for you both, especially with…’ Tommy nodded to the house. ‘You really want an angry teenager in your house 24/7?’

‘Dealt with you OK,’ Joel said, and he was smiling again, if a little tentatively.

‘Ahh, I was a fuckin’ angel compared to you, brother,’ Tommy said. He slapped his brother on the back again as if he could push the shrivelled little kernel of loss out, shoot it out of his chest and onto the floor beside them, let it rattle around unnoticed, roll under a cabinet and gather dust.

--

You’d found a seat at the bar, the booths mostly taken out by groups or couples. You hadn’t considered that you would be so obviously alone when you first walked in, and you scanned around you to see if anyone was looking. To your relief, none of them were.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t spent hours of your life drinking at the Bison. But usually with Billy, or Maria before Tommy came along, and then eventually Tommy, too. But this felt different. You ordered a whiskey from Paulie on the bar, and willed your fingers to still.

It took twenty minutes for you to relax, exchanging glances with Paulie and feeling the hairs on the back of your neck tingle each time you thought someone was looking your way. A second whiskey in you found yourself caring less, the warmth running down your throat and into your chest. It was starting to feel more and more like a very good idea to come in here.

You heard laughter to your left, and turned to see Guillaume and Jonah chuckling to each other. You caught their eye, not able to look back fast enough, and they clocked you watching. They nodded to you, raising their glass. Embarrassed, you did the same.

It took a few minutes before Guillaume pealed away, leaving Jonah on his own. You swallowed, watching out of your peripheral vision as he slid off his stool and came to stand within striking distance of you.

‘Hi,’ he said, when you insisted on still pretending you didn’t know he was there. You felt your shoulders tighten as you turned to him.

‘Hi there,’ you said, trying to sound bright and easy but your tongue suddenly sluggish under all that booze. He was smiling, though, his face open as he moved to perch beside you.

‘Drinking alone?’ he asked, and you shrugged.

‘It’s after 5,’ you reminded him, and he grinned.

‘That’s true,’ he said, raising his hands in mock apology. ‘You go about your business.’

The way he said it reminded you of so many of the FEDRA soldiers you had worked besides, and sometimes opposite. Go about your business, uttered to the gathering crowd while a rifle wavered in the face of a thirteen-year-old kid caught stealing from the breadline. You blinked, those memories almost ten years old and still enough to jolt you right down to the bone.

‘You’ve been abandoned,’ you observed, your voice oddly strained.

‘Nah, I asked Guillaume to take a hike,’ Jonah said, shrugging.

‘You did? Why?’ you asked, and he put his head on his side to observe you properly as he grinned.

‘Wanted to talk to you.’

Oh, you thought. Fuck. Flirting. What was that again? You felt your face arrange itself into a look of surprise, without your instruction. Jonah’s grin faltered.

‘Unless you don’t want me to talk to you…I mean, if you want to be alone of course I’ll leave you…’

It was just so different. He was just telling you what he was thinking, and he was considering your feelings, and he was smiling warmly at you without giving the impression that it cost him something to do it.

‘No, keep me company. If you leave it’ll really look like I have a drinking problem.’

As he ordered himself another beer and a lemonade for you, you studied his profile. He was younger than Joel, either in his late 30s or early 40s – it was hard to tell because the apocalypse tended to age a person – and you observed that he had deep lines around his eyes from when he smiled. He was clean-shaven, kept his hair short except for an unruly curly bit on the top that looked like it had a mind of its own. His nails were neatly trimmed. You didn’t know why that mattered to you, but for some reason it did. He was good looking, you realised. In a conventional kind of way. In the real world he would have done well for himself.

‘I’ve gotta say, I was kind of scared to talk to you,’ Jonah said, and you caught the way he was blushing even in the dim lights of the Bison.

‘Oh? Why’s that?’ you asked, and he grinned at you.

‘I mean, you’re the one up on that hill teachin’ all these kids to read, about history and stuff, how the world works.’

‘You intimidated by a smart woman?’ you asked, and his smile faltered, slightly.

‘Intimidated…’ he said, as if he was tasting the word for the first time. ‘Maybe a little. Maybe just kinda shy.’

You genuinely weren’t sure what to make of this revelation. You let it roll around in your head for a while to see if you could make sense of it.

‘You worried I’m going to correct your grammar?’ you asked, and you laughed a little to let him know you were kidding, mostly.

‘Just not used to being so outgunned,’ he said, and oh he was very fucking charming when he wanted to be, actually. You felt your own blush creep up your cheeks to match his.

--

He went in eventually, ate dinner at the table with Shauna while she prattled on about her day, but he was restless again by bedtime, the couch and the scratchy blankets not appealing even despite the long day.

‘You could always join me upstairs,’ Shauna said, and Joel exhaled long and slow.

‘Ain’t gonna do that, Shauna. Told you before.’

Shauna shrugged at him, climbing three steps before stopping and turning back to him.

‘We’ll see when it gets real cold, Miller,’ she said, and he wasn’t sure whether she meant it to sound so much like a threat.

He decided on a whiskey, just one, to ease his body into sleep. He had generally been sober, seeing as though he had no hope of pills nor inclination to raid the infirmary and take from the community that sheltered him and his girls, but he stared at the ceiling enough nights to know he didn’t have it in him now.

There was a chill in the air, he noticed, as he walked silently to the Bison. Shauna was right, it would get cold in the living room soon enough. He’d have to check to see if there were heavier blankets. Put in a special request to Gollum next time there was a patrol.

He felt a little better, having talked it out with Tommy. He’d been finding it hard to figure what was going on, why he was so mad all the time, why he was dreaming of her again. It made sense when he said it out loud. Felt like he’d lanced some kind of mental boil, maybe a little. Didn’t feel so tight in his chest. He hadn’t realised he’d been walking around with a fist clenched in his gut until this moment, when it had finally, and ever so slightly, eased its grip.

The Bison was quiet, only a handful of couples and groups left in the booths. He’d taken three steps when he heard your laugh, a sing-song little thing that he’d first heard twinkle out of you when Ellie was reciting some of her favourite jokes from that damn pun book. His body turned on instinct to the sound.

You had your hand on the arm of one of Gollum’s men, his new patrol partner. You were smiling so warm and pretty as he told you some stupid fuckin’ story that had you giggling, light radiating off your face. There were a couple of empty glasses between you, your cheeks rosy from the warmth of the booze in your blood.

You were happy and you were relaxed, he realised, and he hadn’t seen you like that in a long time. Not since Shauna. Not since he…just…not since him.

Joel realised the clenched fist in his gut had only lessened its grip so that it could wind up a punch, hard and radiating right up to his solar plexus. He looked away, shame burning hard on his cheeks.

He wanted to march over there, rip you off the barstool and throw you over his shoulder, spank you on your behind as he carried you back to your place and reminded you who you belonged to, who wanted you.

Wanted to wrestle the little patrolman prick to the ground, kick a boot into his side and make him spit blood for the simple crime of having tried to take you from him.

Wanted to run over there, pull you into his arms and beg for your forgiveness.

Wanted to run.

He turned, fast, on his heel, pushing the door open and hearing it swing back behind him with a crack. He was down the step and out onto the street too fast to find out if anyone was following him, couldn’t imagine that they would. He let his brain tease him for a second that you had seen him, that he’d hear your sweet soft voice callin’ for him out of the nighttime, your little siren song.

He wondered what he’d say to you. If he had the words to make it better, what those would be. He sighed, frustrated with himself, heading back to his house and to the couch and to the scratchy blanket.

So many nights on that thing, staring at the ceiling and practicing what he might say to you. Night after night and not a single sentence to show for it.

--

You heard the door slam, momentarily drawn from your conversation with Jonah to wonder if everything was OK. You waited for the room to stop spinning, realising you’d had way more than you’d intended. You felt warm and kind of slippery inside, and you couldn’t remember if it was a school night, but your skeleton had stopped trying to crawl its way out of your body, and that was good enough for now.

‘You wanna keeptha party goin’?’ Jonah asked, and you blinked at him, wondering for a second what he could possibly mean.

‘You mean go back to your place and have sex?’ you asked, because the alcohol was making you blunt, even for you. You watched as Jonah spluttered, choking a little on the glass of water Paulie had insisted you both have.

‘I mean…if you’re…’

‘No,’ you said, simply. Not angry, not sad, not anything really. Just, no. You didn’t feel like it, weren’t sure you’d enjoy it when you’d had this much to drink.

‘Can I walk y’home, at least?’ he asked, and you considered it.

‘You might be more drunk than me,’ you concluded, and Jonah, in turn, gave this some thought.

‘I’d say there’sapretty goo’ chance thassright,’ he said.

‘If anything I might have to walk you home,’ you said. You were smart when you were drunk, you thought. Maybe you should be drunk more often.

‘Can’t do that, I’d feel lessofaman,’ Jonah said.

You were standing now, and so was Jonah, although he appeared to be having more difficulty with it.

‘Y’know the way?’ you asked, and he looked puzzled for a moment.

‘I do,’ Paulie said, clear as a bell, from behind the bar. ‘I’m closing up now, I’ll take him home myself.’

You nodded at this development. Yes, good. That made perfect sense. Everything did, all of a sudden.

‘Well then, I bid you…umm…adieu,’ you finished, with a flourish. You also spoke French when you were drunk, apparently. You contained fucking multitudes.

Out on the street the cold sobered you, and you winced a little as the world came back into focus. You had liked it when everything was just a little soupy. It had felt uncomplicated with Jonah. It had felt…good.

You followed the tracks in frost up the street, not stopping to consider whose they might be. As you got to the corner of your street you noticed that they veered off to the left, towards Joel’s house. You wondered if his lights would be on, if he would be up reading in bed, or whittling on his porch. You considered how late it was, and that Shauna was in there with him now, and you felt your stomach turn sour. You turned, walked the untrodden path to your place.

--

In the morning, a little packet of two not-terribly-expired Tylenol and a bottle of water appeared on your doorstep. More hungover than you could ever remember being, you drank the water and the pills down without stopping to question it. You marvelled at how well Jonah could apparently handle his drink. You wondered why he didn’t knock, or want to come in, but then you looked down and realised you were still in your clothes from the night before, and it made a little more sense. Your mouth tasted like you’d deepthroated a urinal cake. You imagined. You might have still been a little drunk.

Joel stood on the corner, watching you appear at your door in a way that he hoped appeared less creepy than he felt. He hadn’t slept, not a wink, so was able to get down to the infirmary first thing.

It hadn’t been his intention, but he was relieved to see you were still in your clothes. It wasn’t like he was curious, but he supposed that meant you had gone home alone.

The sun in your eyes, you didn’t see him. You let the doorframe hold you up for a while, adjusting to the glare of the dawning Saturday. It was really kind of Jonah to get up this early to come care for you. When you were human again, you were definitely going to make it up to him.

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[pink-bunny-angel]

omg!! can u plz write anything abt john bender 🙏🙏 there r like no fics of him im in the trenches out here. THANK U😁

Of course!!! This is my first one, I hope you like it! Sorry if it's not the best!

John Bender X Reader

(warnings: briefly mentions abusive parents)

Today has been the worst. I got up at 2 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I was looking forward to having my morning coffee to keep me awake but, no, the coffee maker was broken. I thought surely that would be it but when I got to school I was quickly proven wrong... We had a math test. Great. All day I was looking forward to seeing my boyfriend, John Bender, but my mom told me no one could come over since I had an F in science.

My mental health has already been plummeting. This is just great. I currently am sitting in my room, crying on my bed and reading my Bible, it's comforting. I gently put it down on my nightstand and stare at the ceiling. I think and think, trying to find anything to look forward to, but it's getting difficult. I stand up with a groan. Everything looks so dull. It's funny how a couple tiny things going wrong can impact someone's day so much, especially when they were already feeling terrible. I pick up my telephone and dial Bender's number and it rings.

"Hello?" I can hear his dad in the background yelling with his friend about something. I hear a couple of things about Bender from his dad. He must've been mad at him

"Um. Hi, Bender we can't hang out tonight.." I utter with a hint of anxiety in my voice. He doesn't pick up on it, he has always struggled to sense emotion over the telephone.

"What do you mean? Come on, y/n. I was really counting on you. My dad has been freaking out over everything all day. This is ruining my night." I know he wasn't purposefully trying to guilt trip me, he just does it subconsciously. I understand why he would be counting on me and why he would want to come over. I feel guilty, which makes me feel even worse.

"I'm sorry, John. My mom said we can't tonight. I wish you could come over. I miss you so much. I've been having a bad day too, not as bad as yours though-" He interrupts.

"I'm sorry. Let's not compare bad days, okay? Lay down. I'll be there in a minute." His voice is oddly gentle. I feel comforted for a second before I'm flooded with confusion.

"My mom said no, John-"

"Honey, I'll be there."

He hangs up. I feel panicked. My mom is not gonna be happy if he shows up. She's gonna think I didn't tell him. She's gonna tell me I did it on purpose... Great. She's gonna send him home and I'm gonna be in trouble. I flop on to my bed and let out a noise of frustration, I don't know who or what I'm angry at, I just feel angry. I hear a light knock on my window... You've got to be kidding me. I stand up and tiptoe hastily to the window. When I open it I see Bender, his medium brown hair is getting blown in his face as he frantically tries to pry open the window from the outside. I chuckle and open it. He slides in. His hair is messy and he is glaring.

"Took you long enough. I could've been blown down and killed!" I hug him. He hesitates. He huffs and hugs me back.

"I'm glad you're here. But I don't want to get in trouble." I look down, I feel my anxiety getting worse and worse. My mom can't know he is here. He holds me closer and buries his face in my hair.

"Don't worry, y/n. I'm sneaky." I can feel him smirking. I scoff.

"Keep telling yourself that." I mutter.

"Woah. You're grumpy." He takes off his boots and coats, throwing them to the ground. He walks over to my TV and grabs the Liar's Moon VHS tape.

"Liar's Moon? I thought you don't like romance movies?" I snicker. He always complains about romance movies, he always wants to watch action movies.

"I don't but.. it's your favorite or something." He says the last part very quiet, as if he doesn't want to get caught doing something sweet. He's trying to change, I remember the night he cried to me about wanting to change. He wants to be nicer and more caring. He's trying so hard. I decide not to tease him about his embarrassment from being caring. I'm so proud of him for trying.

"I love you." I say softly. I can't help but stare at him. He's so beautiful.

"I love you too.. I gue- actually.. I know for sure I love you too." He responds, trying to seem confident. I smile and he tries to look unbothered, I can tell love is still difficult for him to express, but that's okay. We're healing together.

I gently grab his arm and pull him to my bed. He flops on to it.

"Bender, my mom will hear...! Keep it down...!" I scold him quietly. He giggles. I can't help but smile. I quietly climb on to the bed with him. He had started the movie. I lay my head gently on his chest and feel him start to stroke my back with his fingertips. He can be so gentle. Who knew? I yawn and curl into him.

"Sleepy, baby?" He asks softly. I nod and rub my eyes. He gives my forehead the most soft, sweet kiss. "Goodnight, y/n. Sleep tight... I hope the bedbugs bite." I hear him snicker.

"Really..!"

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

i love my mom but man does it suck when she starts talking to me about god shit. because it always leads to her trying to guilt trip me into being more religious, saying things like, “it makes your dad and i very sad that you don’t believe in god” and “you’re depressed like this because you don’t talk to god.” when i tell her that choosing not to go to church anymore is one of the few choices in my life that i don’t regret, she gets upset with me. sorry, going to go on a little bit of a rant about family and religion here (specifically catholic/christian), but i’ll stick it below the cut.

usually this convo comes up when my cousin is mentioned, because my mom and my aunt will gush about how my cousin goes to church every sunday. this happened today actually. they ignore the fact that my cousin is still a horribly spoiled, selfish, honestly terrible person who yells at/doesn’t bother to help her physically disabled, sickly mom. my “wonderful church-going” cousin who left to go on a vacation to hawaii with my shit uncle, leaving my aunt alone at home even though she had covid AND had recently broken her back. which led to me having to take 2 weeks off of work at the last minute to go stay with my aunt and take care of her. during those 2 weeks, my “wonderful” 20-something-year-old cousin would repeatedly call my aunt to cry and complain that she wanted to come home because she “didn’t feel good.” and my aunt, laying in bed with her broken back and various other health issues, would baby her. oh, but my cousin goes to church, so that means she’s such a good person! i just don’t get it.

one of the reasons i refuse to go to church anymore is because of this backwards-ass hypocritical way of thinking so many people there seem to have. there’s just this feeling of insincerity to it all where people show up once a week to pat themselves on the back for being “good people”, then gather in the lobby after mass to gossip about the one trans woman who recently joined the congregation (unfortunately this isn’t an example i made up). or later go to the supermarket and yell at an underpaid employee. or go on a hawaii vacation and leave your mom home alone with a broken back.

i attended church from age 1 to age 18. as i grew older, church started to feel more and more suffocating. it got to the point where i was having anxiety attacks during mass. i tried distracting myself with drawing on the pamphlets given out at the front door. and when i was banned from that, i resorted to drawing on my skin, which didn’t last long. i ended up sneaking earbuds in and hiding the wires under my hair and clothes so i could drown out the sounds of church with music. i would just stare at the floor and try to just focusing on breathing, but it was just all too suffocating. i was told that the reason i was feeling and acting this way in church was because “the devil was talking to me.” “the devil” was trying to take me away from church and god, so i needed to stop feeling like this and just pray. that time i started crying in the pew because it all became too much and i felt incredibly overwhelmed? that’s the devil. pray about it. uh, actually, mr. jesus, it was because i have bad social and generalized fuckin anxiety. and also very likely autistic but i haven’t been officially diagnosed until this day. so yeah.

thinking back on it now, it was kind of fucked up. but i don’t blame my parents for how they acted. sometimes i feel a little angry and disappointed about how they handled things, but i don’t blame them. because as i watched kids be baptized, i would hear the priest tell the parents that it was their responsibility to raise their kid to be a good god-fearing person. that it was their responsibility to keep their kid from “straying from the light” and avoiding damnation. i know my parents were told the same thing when i was baptized. that it’ll be their fault if i “stray from the light” and end up getting sent to hell. i just see it as guilt-tripping bullshit. it was my choice to not go to church or follow the religion. i hate that this system has told my parents they should feel guilty about this and that it’s their fault that my soul won’t be saved, because they didn’t “guide me in the lord’s way” good enough. i hate that this system has made me feel like i’ve failed my parents. it’s bullshit.

i’m sure there are churches out there who contain genuinely good, accepting folk. and i’m sure there are people who find comfort in having a religion. i’m glad for them. i’ve just personally have some negative experiences with religion and I’ve learned that it’s just not for me.

i try my best to be a good and kind person. i try really, really hard. i just don’t go to church anymore. the fact that i don’t do this one thing shouldn’t devalue all my efforts.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for refusing to do the dishes?

I live in a household with two other able-bodied people and one physically disabled person, my mother. My father took up her job of maintaining the house and making meals, but was truly insufferable about it, so I decided to do things myself in order to avoid fights. My father is a very abusive individual, and it's best to just avoid pissing him off.

But over the years, I've been tasked with everything. My dad, nor my younger sibling do anything at all around the house unless they're asked repeatedly (and it must be a small task, like wiping down the table, or it starts a fight).

I'm exhausted, and tired of cleaning up after my lazy family. I cook whatever meals they want in a kitchen with no a/c in 105° weather and do all of the clean up. I even have to bring them the food to their rooms and take the plates back, which just feels insulting.

I've now started to refuse to clean, though I still make meals because I know if I don't, my disabled mother and little sister will either not eat, or be forced to make themselves something, because my father only takes care of himself.

I've been getting reamed for not cleaning anymore, the house has gone into complete disarray. The neglect my family has shown it is apparent without me fighting to keep things afloat. I don't have the energy to care, but my parents guilt trip me and yell at me constantly over it.

(Also, I am currently working hard on moving out as I am now an adult, but I feel guilty leaving my little sister here to deal with all of this alone.)

I still clean up after myself, though not the after dinner dishes because it's exhausting after standing in the sweltering kitchen for hours. I usually ask my sister to handle putting away things and doing the dishes after she's done eating, but I feel a bit guilty about it.

My dad has been calling me "lazy", "entitled", "spoiled", etc. whenever he gets the energy to yell at me over the state of the house. He's now had to start doing chores again, thus he's back to screaming at everyone about how hard it is and how everyone is lower than dirt for not helping, etc.

TL:DR: Family gave up on household responsibilities and dumped them all on me for years, I'm now getting screamed at for not cleaning up after everyone in 105° weather with no a/c, though I still make sure everyone is eating because I know they wouldn't if I didn't make food, as well as make sure I clean up after myself.

What are these acronyms?

[compassionatereminders]

i just wanted to get something off my mind and ask you for your opinion. my boyfriend loves his family and he is pushing me into contacting my mom. i lived with my mom and dad till i was 8. my mom was very abusive she hit me, yelled for no reason, called me a bitch, whore and so on. when she hit me she did hit me to places that can't be seen (places you can cover up with clothes) if i told my dad she would beat me harder or threaten me that she will kill herself so i stopped telling my dad. my mom was also known to (excuse the word but i can't literally say anything else) whore around. the apartment building where we lived most people knew (my dad knew also but he always forgave her) she would kick me out, she would yell GET THE FUCK OUT and i would have to go play in front of our apartment building when she had her fuck buddies coming to our apartment, of course at that time i had no idea why she was kicking me out.

after my mom left me and my dad i had no contacts with her, i had visits for 6 months - i was at her place every second weekend but later on i could stop going because she didn't want me there anymore. and i was more than happy with that!!!

she has a new family now my boyfriend saw pictures how happy she looks with her 2 kids and says she probably changed now.

my mom tried to contact me on social media, i blocked her on everything, she wasn't happy with that so her new husband was sending me nasty messages and she was also sending me nasty messages from his profile.

i said to my boyfriend if he forgot about the nasty messages she sent me (they were really insulting, she called me names she called me when i was a kid; retarded, stupid, bitch, whore...)

my boyfriend's response was that people just get mad and at the end of the day she is still my mom and she deserves another chance and she deserves my forgiveness.

i also found out that my mom and my boyfriend were messaging each other on fb, they were planning on meeting (he was convincing me to meet her)

i feel betrayed and honestly it makes me love him way less. him being close with his family shouldn't make me being close with my mom who abused me.

i told my best friend that i'm thinking of ending the relationship because for the past 3 months he keep pushing me into "you must forgive and forget, you must meet your mom". my best friend says i'm overreacting. i'm not overreacting to not wanting to meet my mom but i'm overreacting about dumping my boyfriend. she says that i'm crazy because he is loyal to me. but i feel that just being loyal isn't enough? great you're not sleeping around that's a bare minimum in my opinion.

he is my first boyfriend and i have been with him since i was 17 (i'm 22 now), looking back i think i overlooked so many red flags. he was always sweet to me, and as far as i know he has been loyal but he always pushed me into things that i wasn't into. i'm a horrible people pleaser and i say yes to things i don't really want but when it comes to my mom it's a NO and i'm never going ro change my mind.

he is guilt tripping me that i'm not a good person (not the exact words, he uses fancier expressions like "good people forgive") to a point i really think if i'm the bad one in this scenario.

it's such a long message and i'm so sorry about that but i just wonder if you or your followers think that trying to convince someone to re-connect with the abuser is a red flag or not?

my dad says i don't ever have to meet my mom but he also says by boyfriend has a point so i feel like everyone is against me.

I don't think you're overreacting, and I think it's highly inappropriate of your boyfriend to pressure you to forgive your mom when you've made it clear that you aren't feeling it. Interfering in that manner is not acceptable, and it's definitely a giant red flag. Especially after you've made it clear that YOU don't want to do this. Because it's YOUR decision

[shrinkthisviolet]

OC question: Has anyone ever claimed any of your OCs as their child? How'd your OC feel about that?

Ooh well for Morgan, there’s ofc Tina. Morgan’s always seen Tina as a mom anyway, and she knows Tina’s her godmother, so the shift isn’t surprising or even really all that jarring. In a lot of ways…it’s freeing. She didn’t realize just how suffocated she felt with Eowells around…until he wasn’t anymore (and she feels this complicated mix of relief and guilt around the whole thing).

Of course, things aren’t totally smooth sailing—s2 explores some tension between them as Morgan grapples with “either she knew he was an imposter the whole time and still let me live with him and lied, or she didn’t know and she thus wasn’t as close with my birth dad as I thought.” Though as with most things, the truth lies somewhere in the middle 🥺

For Amelia, Rosalie and Otto Octavius in the MCU, who by my headcanon are basically the Raimi versions but tragedy hasn’t struck them (yet 👀 maybe it will, maybe it won’t). Amelia isn’t sure what to make of them at first—they’re not the first family to try to foster her during the Blip, and she’s certain it’ll go the same way—yelling, screaming, and insults from both sides, and eventually an unceremonious trip back to the overcrowded orphanage.

But the Octaviuses…they’re different. They don’t back down when she purposely pushes their buttons and acts difficult—in fact, this gets them to try harder. Amelia doesn’t understand it. She’s not even really their family, all of this is just temporary until May and Peter come back—because they will, Amelia’s sure, they have to—so why are they trying so hard? It takes some time, but eventually, Amelia comes to realize their efforts are genuine, and they adopt her. She then becomes Amelia Parker Octavius…and even after May and Peter come back, Amelia remains an Octavius. She loves her new family too much to give them up 🥺 she has Parker and Octavius in her name, she can be both (until of course a certain death and a spell force her to only be one)

Reyna…sorta has this with Kamilla? But then again, Kamilla’s been part of Reyna’s life for as long as she can remember. Reyna adores her stepmother, the most present parent in her life*, and Kamilla adores her right back. Reyna loves her dad too ofc, but…she and her stepmom have a special bond 🥰 even in the past, she gravitates to Kamilla before anyone (well…after Nora, but before anyone else)

*Cynthia gave Reyna to Cisco to raise so she can continue to be a Breacher full time, and Cisco is partially in hiding due to his powers (metahumans being illegal in the future and all that). He did think of giving them up, so he could be more present to raise Reyna, but…she’s also the reason why he’s keeping them (in case of another outburst like in her younger years), along with him still wanting to help the displaced and endangered metas who need someone like Vibe in the absence of the Flash 🥺

Lucy has a similar situation with Obi-Wan, in that he adopts and raises her from essentially her babyhood, but it’s also a little different because she thinks he’s really her dad. I haven’t totally decided how the reveal is gonna play out, but…yeah, there’s gonna be some hurt feelings. Just because Lucy understands his reasons and knows that he genuinely did the best he could at the time doesn’t mean his lies don’t hurt.

ask my OC(s) anything!

Taglist (send an ask or DM to be added or removed):

@arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @raith-way @vexic929 @ironverseocs @thechaoticfanartist @goldheartedchaoticdisaster @negative-speedforce @dream-beyond-the-fantasy

[reilleclan-blog]

Ok gang so I came across a stray cat a couple nights ago the kitten was crying so loudly out my window I couldn't not help it, so yes I did bring it inside, I wouldn't have done that if it was completely feral cats usually feral very feral cats don't come near humans they'll wait for food but not if u tryna "lure" them. So I fed the cat thinking it would stop crying but it also wanted to come inside the house and I caved b/c fuck me for giving a fuck about a baby cat. But I put it in the bathroom downstairs at least it would be safe and I gave it more food and stayed with it a little, I don't even think the thing slept, and afterwards I told my mom I took it in and she starts yelling at me like very much verbally abusing me for trying to protect a baby animal. Like yes the animal could have flees but I'm not gonna hear a baby and not help it I guess. So after she finished yelling and guilt tripping the fuk out of me, the kitten ran out of my arms when I was deciding to walk it to a shelter, when it left my arms I went back inside crying b/c I felt so bad just because I wanted to help A BABY KITTEN? Fast forward, I unfortunately couldn't do much to help it I fed it another night but that was it. The same day I fed it, I come home and find out the neighbors took the little thing in. I'm ngl I was happy to hear that but a bit worried I guess I'm worried b/c I was the only one really helping it the past few nights now these ppl have taken it in.

Ig I don't have to worry anymore since it'll be safe but ngl I wanted the cat . I even named it (in my head) but I knew it was dumb to think I could keep it. I just knew if no one was gonna help it I would. Another thing that annoys me tho is how my mother's reaction about the animal was so dramatic she could've won an Oscar with all the yelling and guilt tripping she did. She yells at me about how I could possibly die if it had rabies and shit like that and saying how she couldn't pay for my funeral if I died(while she's constantly online shopping) I'm ngl i appreciate what my mother does for me but most of the shit is abusive and I'm not gonna kiss her ass when I know I've been abusived most my life and everyone tells me to just suck it up or "that's my mom that's ur dad" as if that abuse doesn't haunt everyday I've been breathing.

She did all that yelling and verbal abusing and guilt tripping all for her to be in my face a couple hours later talking about "it's cute"(the cat) saying "it's my fault" the cat coming to the door, she says it in a "joking" way but how tf do u think I'm supposed to react after u just made me feel like absolute dog shit just for caring for a kitten. And when I tell u the kitten was so affectionate and very loving, it just wanted attention. It was probably the nicest kitten I'd ever met . But yeah, my mom goes from yelling at me like she's fucking insane to acting like it NEVER happened. I've never heard an apology from my parents that ever mattered . ( just as I'm typing this she comes into my room telling me the "kitten isn't loyal" again trying to be funny, but again u yelled at me like a fucking psycho just for caring about it. She act like I let it play all through the house and scratch furniture or some shit. I just don't understand this lady at all. I need to leave this place. I don't think I'll be that much happier but maybe I'd be "safer") anyways again I don't have to worry about it ig

Edit: neighbors took the cat in then threw it back outside^^'

And my mother says "they prob think it's our cat" please why in the world would they think it's ours when the first night I took it in u screamed so loud at me everyone could hear that it wasn't our cat. Also I went outside with the damn thing crying in my arms, I think anyone with context clues would understand that ain't my cat, when it jumps out my arms . I swear everything my mother says is said to only disagree with me it's not to make sense , it's just to disagree , so anyways I guess I will call a shelter. And she comes into my room trying to lecture me again about what I did, and obviously I'm frustrated b/c why the fuck do I need to hear u say something over and over , but this time u want to say it "calmly" "I'm not screaming at u or nothing just trying to talk" oh but the first time u couldn't have done that ? This lady was screaming at me so bad u would think someone was getting murdered. I– my feelings never fucking matter , Never. And she gets butthurt because I DONT WANT TO HEAR THE SAME SHIT SHE DONE ALREADY SAID SCREAMING AT ME LIKE A FUCKING PSYCHO. ESPECIALLY AFTER NO APOLOGY NO NOTHING I DONT EXPECT ONE BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN SEEN AS A HUMAN TO MY PARENTS, BUT DID U THINK I JUST FORGOT HOW U SCREAMED AT ME ??? REALLY? IM THE ONE BEING PETTY BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING I ALREADY WAS TOLD WHILE BEING DISRESPECTED PLEASE FUCKING EXPLAIN THAT

[shsl-fander]

Blood Stained

Pairing: Logince and Moceit

Tw: Blood, fighting, yelling, bruises, swearing, threats, bullying, homophobia, hospital, Whump Roman

Au: Family/High School

Summary: Roman won't just watch around and let Logan get harrassed by this jerk at their school, but it backfires when hes caught in a severe fight and must be driven to the hospital. @spacedouterri @lavenderfoxboy

"Okay, let me get this straight," Janus hissed, hands gripping tight on his wheel. He drummed his hands against the leather, glaring to his side towards Roman. "My son, gets himself into a fist fight and I have to drive him to the hospital and all he cares about is missing his REHEARSAL?!" He scolds in disbelief.

Roman tapped his cheek, blood staining his fingers as he did so. He tilted his head up in an attempt to sway the dark, red blood dripping from his nose. "I would have called Dad if I knew you'd take me on a guilt trip," he mumbled.

Janus scoffed, shaking his head, "Roman!" he yelled, "You're lucky I agreed to pick you up, Patton would be freaking out on you just as much, he'd just be gentler," he corrects, rolling his eyes. "Care to tell me what happened? Either of you,"he prompts, raising an eyebrow.

Remus tossed a piece of popcorn into his mouth, grinning ear to ear, "I have no fucking clue what happened, for once I'm innocent!" He leans forward, sticking his head between the two front seats. "Roman?" Remus's smile quickly fades upon looking at Roman, who's usual was charm seemed completely drained. "...Ro bro?"

Roman's gaze fell towards the window, watching as they sped past the surrounding cars. A breeze followed their car. "Some asshole was bothering Logan," he muttered, barely audible above a whisper.

"What was that?" Janus blinked, taking a sharp turn onto the hospital's street. Silence lingered in the car, Janus tuning the music off, the only sound being the faint shuffling of the car's wheels against the ground.

Janus sighed softly, "I'm only strict on you because I don't want you to be like how I was at your age," he explained. "I was an amazing kid, smart but got in alot of trouble. I didn't really know how to protest in a good way."

Janus placed his hand over his son's, lips quirking to force a somber smile,"We just want you to be safe. Both of you, " he insists. He perked up as his ring tone blared from his phone, his muscled tensed scrunching his shoulders close together. He exhaled, "It's just your dad, Remus can you talk to him and explain whats happening?" he asks, rubbing his temples.

Just A few hours prior, Roman found himself leaned against his locker, humming softly to himself while he waited for Logan to come over. He knew Logan had a free period and frankly Roman did not feel like going to biology, so he'd agreed to meet up with him for at least a few minutes.

Roman blinked, glancing down towards the clock again with a raised eyebrow. "That's weird, nerd is never late."

He instinctly reached for his phone in his pocket, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

Roman: Hey Specs you coming? Or Did you decide to completely ditch me wowww I can't believe this. 😭😞

He snickered to himself as he typed, though he couldn't ignore the worry welling up inside him.

Minutes began to pass, the worry growing inside Roman the longer he stood in the halls, gazing around to find Logan. This was EXTREMELY out of character for Logan. While Roman found the insistence to keep a schedule for literally everything (even hallway roaming)quite annoying, he certainly didn't enjoy when Logan wasn't being himself. 

Suddenly, it felt as if time stood still, the silence lingering in surrounding air. It was quiet, an uncomfortable sense of quiet before a loud slam echoed through the halls. Roman felt his chest tighten, he jolted up, eyes growing wide. He bolted towards the direction of the noise, praying internally that Logan's sudden disappearance had nothing to do with this.

Roman froze infront of the door, gritting his teeth anxiously. "Come on Roman, you're a prince," he murmured under his breath. "You gotta find out whats going on."

He slowly creaked the door open ever so slightly,peering through the small crack. His breath hitched at the sight of the situation, exactly what he'd been dreading.

Logan was pressed up against the wall, his breathing heavy and quick paced. He gulped, swallowing the spit that was closing up his throat. "I mean what I said, you're a pathetic homophobe who can't even win a debate," he spat, "And your threats are only confirming your lack of intelligence."

The boy, who Roman couldn't seem to recognize at first, glared at Logan. He was grumbling something along the lines of killing him.

Roman pounced up, tossing the door open, thoughts spiralling around his head. Everything in his mind was so blurred, he knew whoever this kid was could probably beat the shit out of him, but he also knew he wanted to protect Logan more than anything else in the moment.

He rushed up behind him, tugging on his shirt an yanking him away from Logan. "Leave him alone," he growled. Once he was face to face with him, Roman was able to properly recognize him in under a second: Adam Dotson. His scraggy, short red hair along with piercing blue eyes were both easy to spot.

Adam cackled, "Oh look here! Your fairy boyfriend came along," he teased, shoving Roman backwards leaving him stumbling to catch himself. "The fuck are you doing here, Adelio?"

Roman narrowed his eyes,"Are you deaf? I said leave him alone, " he fumed, voice stern and low. He felt his heart pound against his chest, heart rate increasing rapidly. He stared ahead at Adam, watching him crack his knuckles and return his glare.

Adam rolled his eyes, kicking Roman in his shin, "You think I'm scared of you?" He scoffed, "Tell your gayass boytoy that he needs to fuck off on talking to me too," he retorted, watching Roman clasp onto his leg.

Roman gasped, foundering backwards once again. He inhaled, folding his hand into a fist and he swore his heart was beating so fast he could hear the thundering in his eardrums. Roman took a breath before stepping forward and swinging towards Adam, his knuckles grazed the side of his cheek.

Adam sucked in a breath, bracing against the impact of Roman's punch before swiftly punching him back, hitting him square in his nose.

A trail of blood trickled down Roman's face, and he winced squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. The pain shot through his entire face, burning against his nose.

"Roman!" Logan shrieked.

Roman spat out a chunk of blood, leaving his mouth with a copper tang taste. He ducked. Roman slammed his fist into Adam's stomach. His knuckles pulsed, yet he still kept hitting as much as he could.

Adam groaned, bending over with a heave. His vision began to blur, barely able to make out the tan arm lunging at him again. He stepped back, cracking his knuckles.

Roman lifted his hand to swing at Adam again before he felt a tight grip around his wrist. Hes swung to the side. Blood swishing around his ears. Roman inhales before pain stings against his face once again, spreading throughout his entire body. His head spun and before his senses regain control, he's slammed against the wall.

All Roman could grasp was the imense pain. His knees shook, wobbling underneath him. Another punch hitting him, faint yelling in the background. A swift knee to his stomach. He kicked at Adam in an attempt to push him away. The air around him felt scarce.

Roman rubbed his head, which was splitting with pain. He swallowed, taking another final swing at Adam before he stumbled back again. Roman blinked, the objects around him finally returning to sight.

"That all you got, Princey?" exasperated Adam, wiping the blood resting on his lips. He lunged forward, leaping towards him. He snarled, grabbing at him.

Roman reached forward to push Adam back. He held his arms up to frantically block his face from all of Adam's swings. He elbowed Adam in his side, the closest possible range without having to remove his defense. An ache in his arms, white hot with pain. An attempted punch towards Adam's face, eventually making contact with his shoulder instead.

The impact wouldn't stop, constant punches against his skin. Roman gasped for air, tensing all throughout his body. He grimaced, bracing for the impact of more burning sensations before Adam was suddenly flung off of him. Roman recoiled, bending over and trying not to throw up. The world around him began to spin, and he felt dizzier than he'd ever felt before. He collasped onto the floor, rest tugging at his eyelids. Blood splattered all over his face, bruises scattered on other parts of his body.

Logan frantically snatched Roman's bag as the teacher escorted Adam out of the room, scolding him as she did so. He searched through his emergency contacts before clicking one of Roman's dads' numbers, a complete gamble at whether he was calling Janus or Patton; though it really didn't matter. He just needed Roman to get help.

Logan ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. He'd never intended to put Roman in a situation of harm this intense. He slowly approaced his boyfriend, eyes wide with concern. "Are you alright? Can you hear me?" He asks gently, Roman's phone vibrating in his hands.

Roman swallowed, he opened his mouth to speak but a bit of blood began to spill out."I'm sorry Specs," he wheezed. He felt a bit of the tension in his muscles fade as Logan pressed his hands on his wounds.

Roman held a tissue against his nose, bandages now plastered over his knuckles, chin, and parts of his jaw. He felt a lump tighten in his throat, a puddle underneath his eyes. Everything hurt possibly even more now that that fight had finished, adrenaline worn off.

"Wheres my baby boy?!" Patton sobbed, rushing into hospital room where Roman sat, frowningly deeply. "Oh Roman," he huffed, kneeling beside his bed. He softly cuped Roman's face, face worn with worry. "How are you doing?"

A miserable laugh escaped Roman, "Well the doctor said I most likely broke my nose," he answers, "So a prince is thriving," he sulked. "I think I hurt my jaw too, and my arms are all bruised."

Patton rubbed his leg, what looked to be the only part of Roman's body that wasn't covered in bandages. "Your dad told me what happened, or at least what you told him about what happened," he sighed, "But you're gonna be okay, I know it! You're my strong prince, always have been." He insisted, though that was partially to calm his own anxieties. The moment Remus called him from the car while Janus drove Roman to the hospital, he felt sick to his stomach.

Normally, that alone would help ease Roman's worries but right now he just felt even worse. If he was actually a strong prince he'd be able to properly defend his boyfriend, instead of losing miserably against Adam fucking Dotson. But Roman loved his parents, and he especially didn't want Patton to feel worse. So, he cracked a smile,nodding along. "Thanks Dad, I love you."

Patton remained kneeled next to his bed, "I love you too Ro, we all do," he exhaled, "None of us want you getting in fights and hurting yourself."

Roman's smile faltered for a moment, a frown tugging at his lips. The lump in his throat tightened, his voice quivering as he spoke. He shook his head, desperately trying to hold back tears. "Is Logan here?" he asks, he really wanted to talk to him now that he wasn't being punched in the face.

Patton glanced towards the door, "Yeah, yeah he's here kiddo. He drove himself here when he found out you were sent in," he confirms, his voice light and soft.

Roman gaze followed Patton's towards the door, where he could see through the window Remus, Janus, and Logan seated right outside,waiting. "Can you ask him to come in? I royally need to talk to him," he requests, rubbing the bandage sat on his chin.

Patton placed a kiss onto Roman's forehead, gently patting his head."Of course, I think I need to help your dad fill out paperwork anyway, " he watched Roman fidget with his bandages or press his hands against his wounds and he swore his heart shattered.

Logan slowly trotted into the room, creaking Roman's door open and gently closing it behind him. His eyes widened, darting to all of the bandages scattered around Roman, and if his body wasn't damaged it was likely covered by a dark, growing bruise.

Logan sighed softly, approaching him with caution. He cleared his throat, "Hi," he greets shyly.

Roman couldn't help but laugh, chuckling under his breath, "Greetings, Specs," he replies, setting the tissue down for a moment. Luckily the bleeding on his nose had begun to subside, but it was still broken. "Listen I'm sorry, I should have been able to protect you better than I did. I mean I'm your boyfriend and not only that but I hold myself like some sort of prince but I can't even win a fight," he rambled on, tears slowly began to fall as he spoke.

Roman sniffled, frantically shaking his head and wiping his eyes. They wouldn't subside though, streaming down his cheeks.

Logan's frown deepened, he grabbed Logan's hands, rubbing his thumb against Roman's hands. "Roman please," he reaches over with his free hand to wipe his tears. He shook his head, "Don't apologize, frankly I feel physical violence to be a rather immature and arrogant solution to conflict anyways," he began. Logan huffed, "Though you tend to he rather immature and arrogant at times so I suppose your disappointment makes sense," he admitted, gently moving his hand up to card through his hair.

"My point is, you didn't have to do that for me, and even though I know why you did, I'm not remotely upset you lost the fight," he assures the other. "I'm just upset that you got in a fight in the first place." Logan watched as Roman shifted uncomfortably.

"Not upset at you," Logan quickly clarified, "upset at the situation," the hand that still had Roman's placed inside it squeezed his hand, while the other was running his fingers through his hair. "I love you."

Roman swallowed, attempting to blink away his tears. "Not as much as I love you, Nerd," he cooes softly. "It's why I did this in the first place," he explained, "I couldn't just sit around and watch him do that to you! Thats like Flynn Ryder just watching mother gothel hurt Rapunzel!"

Logan snorted, shaking his head, "I am nothing like Rapunzel, Roman," he corrects, rolling his eyes.

Roman groaned, rubbing his temples, "Oh MY GOD Logan, you're gonna hurt my head more than Adam did," he exclaimed in disbelief, paired with a dramatic sigh. "You're so literal. It was a metphor, Einstein." Roman felt a smile tug on his lips, watching as Logan pursed his lips, fighting a soft giggle.

"What'd you even say to Adam anyway?" Roman asked after their laughter calmed. "Bruise his masculinity?"

Logan felt his face flush in embarrassment, "Well he was debating with his friend about the morality of gay people, saying it was gross and a sin," he exhaled in exasperation, "Or really just being homophobic in general, so I corrected him because things he was saying was genuinely incorrect and he started getting all defensive and so I told him he was a pathetic piece of shit," he admits, watching Roman's jaw drop.

"He then began to argue with me and I told him he was being a moron since he couldn't grasp basic concepts of sexual and romantic attraction. "

"Oh my stars Specs, that somehow made you even hotter. "

[bitchybylershipper]

ughhhhhhhh

i am really upset at my family but i dont know what to do with it because on one hand, my parents have made it abundantly clear that they did not know where my sister was or who she was with all day long and i dont want her to feel the way i do but on the other hand the first words my sister said to me today was when she yelled at me for being annoying after being home for not even a minute and we stopped having family dinner again which is fine ig but also upsetting like we just gave up and my dad keeps guilt tripping all of us and i just dont know what to do with all the feelings im having which are honestly in and of themselves completely unnessacery because this is not anything new or different than what usually happens in my house but im just upset about it tonight. idk

[mlobsters]

supernatural s9e10 road trip (w. andrew dabb)

didn't realize we were on a 'road so far' episode already. oh did we really need a funeral pyre? buh. okay what irritates me about that is it can lean on the emotions i associate going back to john's pyre. as much as i warmed up to kevin, his death did not really make me feel anything. and now they can borrow against my fucked up dead parents feelings that got shaken up via john. don't like it.

also borrowing against my thoughts on dean's feelings via john's death, having this long zoom out from dean at the fire, licensed music playing. oh, it gets worse! the cleaning up kevin's footprint in the bunker. no more extra little brother at home.

was thinking today actually about mrs. tran, how crowley said she was dead but i couldn't remember if we ever confirmed if she was actually dead?

thought of it because of the phone. the logistics of the aftermath of someone has died. i was too young to deal with anything from when my dad died, but i was 32 when my mom died (fun fact i guess that would make it a year before this season aired) so my brother and i dealt with the house and belongings. damnit. now i'm upset about that, buncha cheap shots, show. sigh. too much thinking, more watching.

dean guilt++ and no sam because he's off being ridden around by a fucked up murdering angel

all right the picture with kevin and his mom got me. don't throw the fucking phone, asshole. break everything else, but not the phone, come on. this is like bobby burning the family picture with jo and ellen in s5e10 (brain, stop it)

so we go from this scene to.... this one.

okay tonal whiplash. they could have had a rockstar character and not making it into a cheesy joke. weird choices.

DEAN Sammy was dying. What was I supposed to do?

can't blame a shark for being a shark. can't blame a dean for doing anything to save his sam.

CASTIEL You kill an angel, its vessel dies, too. DEAN Think I don't know that? If I don't end Sam and that halo burns him out and I... God, I was so damn stupid. CASTIEL You were stupid for the right reasons. DEAN Yeah, like that matters. CASTIEL It does. Sometimes that's all that matters.

castiel is banking on it being the something that matters for personal reasons too :p

CROWLEY I told him this was gonna happen. I was the only person who tried to warn him. I told him to run. DEAN From what? CROWLEY You. How many times am I gonna have to say this? People in your general vicinity don't have much in the way of a life-span.

don't let him make you feel worse, dean (even though it's true)

will admit i wonder what crowley does chained up for days, weeks?? at a time between visits from someone.

definitely. good levels of quippy crowley

CROWLEY Looks like we need a tiebreaker. Go get Moose, squirrel. Unless... Unless, of course, you can't. That's why you're here, isn't it? The poor giant baby's in trouble again, isn't he?

i will admit he made me laugh at that. poor giant baby samoose

dean is Very Sad and Very Guilty but i would like to take a moment to say i like the plaid he has on today. it's pretty. not covered up by a jacket so i can actually appreciate it

okay that made me laugh too

CROWLEY Shotgun. DEAN Uh, wrong. You're in the back. DEAN Hey – you, too. Keep an eye on him.

so dumb but i cackled. more cas and crowley bickering please

dad!dean yelling at the kids fighting in the back. here for it

all right. mega confusion. so i was like this dude, why do i know this dude, is that ezekial/gadreel, was he in an older episode of spn? anyway i apparently didn't look him up when we first met him but he was one of the dimi's in s1 of altered carbon... and dimi 2 was in an spn episode (s4e5 the black and white one). i had forgotten that while dimi is the same dude, it was different meatsuits (sleeves, in the show).

s9e10 / altered carbon s1e1 tahmoh penikett as dimitri kadmin

wonder how padalecki felt about playing an even more different character now. recall reading something recently about jackles talking about how it was harder when he was playing soulless!sam etc because it wasn't that same dynamic

I've shared this before, it did make it a little bit more difficult when Jared was playing soulless Sam or Dean was playing demon Dean or Michael. It made it a little bit, well, it was different because that person that you rely on who brings their character to life in a way that supports what you're doing and that is relatable and that is almost, is somebody that you rely on to fulfill—he completes me. Great, that's the headline tomorrow... "Jensen Ackles finally admits... ...that he really does love Tom Cruise movies." So yeah, to get back the question, it it did make it a little bit more difficult to do what we were so used to doing when you take that element away and but again that's I think that that was one of the great things about Supernatural is that we took chances like that, we swung for the fences on a lot of different things.

-from 2022 JIB 12 Jensen Sunday Morning Panel

LOL i just realized i had the wrong era license plate in the painting i just did. cue me flushing and sweating. i did something wrong on the internet where people can see, the HORROR

CROWLEY Your phallus on wheels just ran a red light in Somerset, Pennsylvania, 10 minutes ago.

lol. classy

this whole gadreel/abner thing. i dunno, man. there's just too much shit going on to care about everything

no judgement, i pet my car too

great, jabbing holes in sam's brain and wiggling a big needle around in there. like trying to find a recessed reset button with a paperclip

DEAN Pretty much, yeah. How are you doing? CASTIEL You want to talk about me now? DEAN I want to talk about anything that's not a demon sticking needles into my brother's brain.

oh dean. i'm feeling the feelings, jackles

CASTIEL You thought his life was at stake. DEAN Yeah, I got played. CASTIEL I thought I was saving Heaven. I got played, too. DEAN So you're sayin' we're both a couple of dumbasses?

me three

CASTIEL I prefer the word "trusting." Less dumb. Less ass.

sorry but i laughed. that was a weird watery delivery

now crowley gets to tromp through sam's brain too, greeeeaat. this is just great.

DEAN If you mess with Sam, if you try anything– CROWLEY I keep my bargains. Besides, I don't want to be inside your brother any longer than I have to. I'm not one for sloppy seconds.

classy as ever

DEAN This don't make us square. I see you again– CROWLEY I'm dead. Yes, I know. I love you, too.

kisses, byeee

SAM What you do want me to say – that I'm pissed? Okay. I am. I'm pissed. You lied to me. Again. DEAN I didn't have a choice. SAM I was ready to die, Dean! DEAN I know. But I wouldn't let you, because that's not in me.

it doesn't excuse what dean did, but sam knows this. neither dean nor i can tolerate sam being okay with dying. just like sam and i can't tolerate dean being self destructive and ready to die at the drop of a hat

at least i can tolerate it a little better when they have these little mini breakups, now that it's happened so many times. and i don't think they're committing to a long separation onscreen? but i don't know honestly

quality time for sam and cas?

[acatalystrising]

hi tysm for replying to my request i honestly wasn't expecting it but i just wanted to add a couple things if you're hitting some writers block or need some inspo if writing about your own experiences is too emotionally exhausting. 

/tw for dv (don’t have to read if it’s too much)

.

.

in tdou the dad is guilt tripping the daughter about the mom's death, i'd like to read about a mom guilt tripping the reader about a grandmother's death as that’s unfortunately what’s happening to me. 

basically my mom & my grandmother abused each other during quarantine & the weeks before my grandmother died but she only claims it happened bc i didn’t “help out enough” (but she doesn’t work at all like the father in tdou)

i love that the reader in tdou was trying to do everything she could but it just drained her emotionally & physically

i related to that a lot as i had to basically play mediator whenever they would argue but sometimes i just couldn’t do it bc my moms yelling voice is triggering to me. she isn’t as physically abusive anymore but now she just chips away at my self worth whenever she has a bad day or sometimes before i go to work

i already carried a lot of guilt before my grandmother died bc i dropped out of college & wasn’t working at the time & now my mom just knows how to make it worse. 

i recently got her to apologize & recognize what she did was wrong but it just feels like she resents me now bc i called her out. the reader’s sense of inadequacy/powerlessness in tdou was highly relatable lol

.

.

sorry if this was too personal & that this ask is so long but if it's too triggering/personal you can totally not include it. 

i really liked how scarily similar the readers situation in tdou was to mine & seeing how much ppl liked it made me feel less alone so maybe if you base this prompt off of my situation someone else can feel less alone too. If not it’s ok bc all of this is pretty heavy. 

but i really love how honest your work is otherwise. i have support in my life but like you said family trauma can be difficult to heal from so again sorry i don’t make a habit trauma dumping on ppl lol

but thanks so much for your writing. boba really is a comfort character for me

tysm for being understanding pls keep writing <3

Hey lovely anon! Firstly, I am SO sorry it’s taken so long for me to answer this. Life has been nuts and I really, really wanted to take my time writing something for you. Trauma is awful and I am so truly sorry you’ve had to deal with so much. You deserve all the hugs in the world!

I’m so touched you enjoy my writing - I write Boba stories to process my own trauma, and they have majorly helped. I’m happy to hear that they help others, too. You aren’t trauma dumping at all, and I’m touched you made this request! So without further ado, here is what I came up with! I hope you enjoy it, and that if in any small way, it can help you feel a little less alone.

Trigger Warnings: Given the subject, I wanted to make sure everyone knows this contains potentially triggering content including: abusive mother, language, gaslighting, verbal abuse (both mentions of past and present), and physical abuse. This is a bit darker then some of my normal stuff, so please be aware! No smut, but lots of angst, fluff, pining, hurt comfort, and Boba being the protective gem we all love and adore.

I’ll Carry You

Daimyo Boba Fett x f!artist reader

Boba Fett, the Daimyo of Tatooine, was one of the broadest people you’d ever seen.

Strong, built like a warrior capable of crushing his foes, an unstoppable force. He was smart, too, boasting a cunning that spoke of his years as a merciless bounty hunter. He donned mandalorian armor that struck fear in hearts across the Galaxy…

And yet, you wondered if he would hold you gently.

Was there more depth to the man who was living legend? Clearly so, given that he’d saved your city from the Pyke’s destruction. You squinted, peering at the lovely shades of green, wondering how a color could be so calming and exciting all at once. Did he know that such a thing were possible? That his beskar was also beautiful, and not merely a symbol of terror?

A shout echoed down the dusty street and you flinched, concentration broken. Gone were the brilliant hues of green and red from your focus, replaced with the clay, beige tones of sand, stone, and earth.

You blinked, staring at your painting with a frown. Boba Fett, of course, wasn’t really here. Your image needed work before it was finished, but you hoped you’d be able to do a decent job. The Daimyo deserved it, you wagered, even if he never saw it.

Stars, of course he wouldn’t see it. He was far too busy to spend the time ogling street art.

Of himself.

Kriff, this was a stupid idea.

Another shout rang through the air and you grimaced, hating that you had to leave your work unfinished for all to see, unable to be anything more than a random piece by an anonymous painter.

You dreamed of a day where you could proudly display your work for all to see, but as long as your mother had a say, you feared that they, like you, would never get the chance.

-

“Off daydreaming again,” your mother’s accusatory tone made you flinch. “I don’t know where I went wrong with you. I’ve been generous, gracious even. And how do you repay me?”

She paused, dark brows lowering over narrowed eyes.

“Are you even paying attention?”

“Yes, mom.” You looked up from the sewing machine, forcing your expression to remain neutral.

“No. More. Distractions.” She jerked a thumb at the pile of dishes beside her that seemed to grow on its own. “Do I make myself clear?”

You merely nodded.

Like you always did. As fate dictated you must. The last thing you needed was for her to go on another tangent again. Or for there to be another fight.

But life, as you’ve discovered, wasn’t that kind.

-

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Kriff. As if your terrible day couldn’t get any worse.

You winced the moment you heard booted footsteps announcing someone’s entry. They were heavy, breaking the silence of the oddly quiet kaff shop - one that often bustled with customers trying to escape the heat of the mid-afternoon suns. But not today.

Too tired to muster more social energy, you kept your back turned, strands of hair falling in front of your eyes as you swept the shattered glass into your dustpan. The last thing you needed was another reason to get yelled at.

“Welcome to the Twin Suns, I’ll be with you in a moment,” you didn’t bother trying to sound overly polite. Not when your mother had made your day a living hell.

The footsteps neared, accented by a metallic clinking you could only assume were spurs. Now who the hell would bother to wear…

“I’m not here for a drink.” A deep, rumbling voice broke the silence, sending a cold chill down your spine. You barely suppressed a flinch as those booted footsteps stopped right behind you. “I have some questions.”

You turned much quicker than you would have liked - but that voice carried a commanding tone that made you act without thinking. There was only one person you could think of that would sound like…

Maker above, you were fucked.

Your own wide-eyed expression stared back at you, trapped in the unseen gaze of a black, t-visored helm. Even then, as you struggled to breathe, recognition flooded through you with the force of a punch. The owner took another booted step forward, so close you could touch him if you had a death wish.

Oh kriff, kriff, kriff.

It was Boba kriffing Fett. The Boba Fett. And now…your Daimyo.

You tried your best to suppress a blush. As if you hadn’t just been daydreaming about him earlier while you’d been painting him. Good kriffing maker, you had to get it together.

You’d seen him once or twice before, when he was out patrolling the city, but only from a safe distance. Now that he was here, in front of you, every fiber in your body screamed to run. The power the man exuded made your head spin. He was a living weapon, back from the dead - the most feared bounty hunter in the Galaxy.

And you were now trapped in his gaze.

“Heard someone caused a problem here,” Boba Fett’s iconic helmet slowly turned, taking in his surroundings before snapping back to you. “What’s their name?”

You blinked. Why the hell would the Daimyo care about a small shop’s domestic outburst? Surely he had better things to do. He surely wouldn’t be interested in the affairs of someone like you.

“Oh, it’s nothing…” you spoke timidly, far smaller than you intended, but you couldn’t help it, being in his presence. “It wasn’t a customer, or anything. I’m sorry.”

You hoped he’d let it go. Move on to more important things. The last thing you needed was to lose this job, or give your mother another reason to make your life worse.

Fett regarded you silently, arms crossed over a deadly blaster rifle, gloved fingers tapping a slow, steady cadence. Sweat beaded on your forehead and trickled down your temple. Would he shoot you for not answering his question?

He lifted a gloved hand and you flinched, but blinked in confusion when he gently wiped a tear from your cheek. When he spoke again, his voice was so oddly soft you were inclined to believe it didn’t belong to the same person.

“Not gonna hurt you. No one should be afraid in my city. Especially a pretty little thing like you…” his tone rolled through you, and you shivered, an altogether new feeling settling in the pit of your stomach. “Who did this to you?”

You could only swallow, throat dry, heart beating a million times a minute as you leaned the broom against the counter and shakily took a breath. You were so nervous you nearly tripped over your own foot as you looked back at the visor, more tears threatening to burst to the surface.

Damn it, keep it together. Don’t fall apart just because a stranger said something nice…

“It wasn’t anything you need to worry about.” You took a deep breath, steeling yourself to speak. “My mom just-”

A familiar voice suddenly cut over your own, hollering your name as if it were a curse. You flinched, turning in time to see your mother emerge from the back of the store, several big bags of kaff beans in her arms.

“Still wasting time or are you going to be useful?” She clearly didn’t see their guest, too focused on her destination. “I need your help, if I’m not asking too much.”

You glanced at the Daimyo apologetically, instinctively shifting to answer your mother’s request.

“She was speaking with me.” Boba Fett’s voice was nearly a growl when he spoke, taking a booted step forward.

A step, you noted, that placed him between you and your mother.

Who finally looked up. And promptly dropped her armful of product onto the floor with a curse. You flinched. Kaff beans rolled all over the wooden planks you’d just swept. Damn, this was going to be a long night.

“D-Daimyo Fett? Oh, oh. My goodness. Whatever can I do for you?” Her demeanor Instantly changed, shifting from accusation to groveling. “Apologies for the mess, we, we…”

“Perhaps you should apologize to your daughter.” Fett’s voice was nearly a growl, his words rolling with a lovely accent you couldn’t place. “She’s upset. Yelling won’t fix that.”

Your jaw dropped. Your mother smothered a glare. Oh, this was not going to end well.

“I, well, I…” she dipped her head, red flaring in her cheeks, but you knew it was anger. When she spoke again, it was the icy professionalism you also knew well. “Apologizes, Lord Fett. Can I get you anything? It’s such a long walk from the palace.”

But Boba Fett didn’t answer. The conversation was clearly over. Instead, he turned to face you, helmet tilted slightly to the side as he walked toward the door.

“I was just leaving, but,” he paused beside you, looking down from that impassive helmet, once again ensnaring you in his unseen gaze. “If you’re ever in need of employment, little one, come to my palace.”

Little one.

Somehow those two words made heat coil in your belly faster than any flirtatious word ever could.

You nodded, swallowing hard, only able to emit a squeak as he brushed against you as he walked by, long enough for you to catch a whiff of his scent - leather, metal, and residual blaster smoke. Stars, why was it so attractive? You’d never even seen his face.

You couldn’t deny there was something about the Daimyo that was…electrifying. But you weren’t given the chance to ponder it for long.

Boba Fett walked out of the shop’s door, and your nightmare started anew.

-

“I don’t know why I let you work here.” Your mother’s back was turned, but you could feel her glare cutting into you like daggers to your chest. “You embarrassed me in front of the Daimyo. What were you thinking? Was that a way to get back at me? Why do you have to be so childish?”

“I didn’t know he was coming either, mom.”

You stood with crossed arms, hovering as close to the door as you could, heart pounding even faster. “My shift is over. I need to go home. At least he wasn’t upset.”

“Well I am, but not that it matters. You’ve always been a disappointment.” Your mother raised a critical brow, lips twisting in a frown. “If you grandmother were still alive, she’d agree with me. But oh, wait, she can’t.”

Your day could, in fact, get worse.

“You never listen. Her death wasn’t my fault.” You sighed, an age old weariness settling in your shoulders. “It doesn’t matter. Never does.”

Your vision sparked as her fist connected with your face, shoving you backward into the glass door. It rattled violently, and you winced as your hand flew to the injury, fingers wet with blood. Damn. Not again.

“Entitled brat,” your mother shook her head and had the audacity to cry. It broke your heart, seeing her like this - but it was a ploy. You knew it. And it worked every single time. “What did I ever do so wrong? How did you turn out like this? I raised you better, I did.”

“Maybe you’re asking the wrong question,” you winced, turning your back on her as you opened the door. “What did I ever do so wrong to deserve this?”

Cheek stinging, heart breaking, you twisted and bolted out of the door before she could see your welling tears.

-

The moment you stepped out into the cool night air, you knew you weren’t alone.

You could feel it, the prickle of eyes on your back, and lowered your hand to the blaster at your hip. You’d already had a terrible day, but the last thing you needed was more trouble.

“That’s not necessary.” A familiar gravelly tone broke the silence. “Saw what happened.”

You turned, peering into the dark alley beside the kaff shop. At first you didn’t see anyone, but then the armored figure stepped from the shadows, beskar glinting in the moonlight. You reflexively took a step back, and he held his gloved hands up, empty.

“Meant what I said,” his voice was calm, steady, as if trying to calm her. “Not going to hurt you. You’ve been hurt enough already, from the looks of it.”

Oh.

“It’s…it’s fine,” you gingerly touched your brushing cheek with a soft wince. “I’ve dealt with worse. Please don’t hurt her. She’s…mourning. It’s a long story.”

Not that you figured he would really care. Most didn’t.

“There’s never a reason to hurt your own child.” Fett’s tone was soft, even as he took another step forward. “Will you come back here tomorrow?”

“I…don’t know.” You stiffed your hands in your pockets with a sigh. “It’s all I’ve got. I can’t just abandon her.”

He nodded, helmet tilting down toward her as if in thought. You found yourself staring up at him, transfixed by the deep red and green hues of his armor, even as he removed the helmet.

Dark amber eyes met yours, expression much softer than you had expected from a man of his profession. He was scarred, whirls of scar tissue branding his tan skin - but maker, he was gorgeous. Your jaw almost dropped, caught in his gaze, heart pounding like a drum as he closed the distance between you, a gloved hand softly cupping your chin.

“Don’t live your life for someone else’s grief, even if it’s shared.” His fingers gently stroked your jaw, and you found yourself leaning into his touch. Damn, he was dangerous - just not in the way you’d initially expected. “Why don’t you come back to the palace with me? Would be a change of scenery - I’ll pay you well.”

“To do what?” You’re frowned, too frustrated to be worried that you were being too bold. “Unless you don’t already have someone who can make coffee in that fancy palace of yours, I’m afraid I’ll be of no use to you.”

He lifted a dark brow, and you swallowed hard, suddenly remembering his hand was still on your chin, dangerously close to your throat. But when he spoke, there was no darkness - only a playful mirth.

“Perhaps you could finish that lovely painting you started, hmm?” Boba Fett, of all people, had the audacity to wink at you.

Your jaw dropped, stunned, even as he removed his fingers from your chin.

Wait a second.

He’d…actually seen it? And knew it was you? Kriff, had he been watching? Heat flooded your cheeks.

“Oh…oh, umm,” you ran a nervous hand through your hair, “you saw that? I didn’t mean to…”

He tutted, a soft click of his tongue, and dared to brush a loose piece of hair behind your ear with practiced ease.

“None of that, princess,” his tone was lower, rumbling through you. “I am honored you’d want to do something so kind with your talent. My palace could use more color. Something to lessen the drab and make it something new. What do you think?”

Stars, was this happening?

Not only was he interested in your work, but the Daimyo was very clearly interested in you.

You knew your mother who disagree. She’d be angry, too. But you’d spent too many years of your life trying to please her, knowing that would never happen. And now, Boba Fett of all people, wanted to set you free.

And so you nodded, unable to stop a smile from spreading on lips that were so often twisted in a frown, as the words you’d never imagined you’d be able to say tumbled from you mouth.

“Okay, I’ll come with you,” you nodded, meeting his gaze. “That would be…amazing.”

Boba Fett smiled, took your hand in his, and led you to the palace. To your future. Into a life you’d never thought were possible - one where for the first time ever, you were truly free.

Where you were loved.

[portwellbabes]

A Caswell Apology

EJ got up off his very comfortable position on the couch and dragged his feet over to open the front door. Lately, he found it hard to find the motivation to do anything but sulk on his bed or couch.

He went over to open the front door, at first blinded slightly by the sunlight but then surprised to see his cousin at the door. She was shivering and bundled up in a coat, scarf, and gloves. He hadn’t really realized when summer had slowly transitioned into Utah’s typical cold fall weather. Huh, had it been that long since EJ stepped outside his house?

“Oh Ash! Hey, come in.”

Ashlyn smiled at him graciously before stepping into the house, taking off her shoes and many layers.

“Um, it’s a surprise to see you here” EJ mumbled awkwardly, “My parents aren’t really home”

Ashlyn’s heart broke at the fact that EJ assumed she was at his place for his parents and not for him. She really needed to fix things with her cousin.

“No actually, I’m here for you”

EJ tilted his head slightly in confusion. Ashlyn sighed, trying to form a proper apology. But she couldn’t at the moment so she just threw her arms around her cousin, pulling him in for a tight hug. A hug that she should’ve given him months ago, at the beginning of the summer. EJ blinked before reciprocating as he tried to make sense of why his cousin was so troubled.

“Ashlyn, hey. What’s wrong?”

“EJ I’m… I’m so sorry!” she blurted out as her eyes glossed over with tears.

“Sorry? Whatever are you sorry for Ash?”

Ashlyn had broken out into intermittent sobs so EJ pulled her to the couch with one hand behind her back as he massaged her to try and calm her down.

“I’m such a horrible… cousin!” she said in between sobs, “I completely neglected you this whole summer when you needed me the most! I cant believe I didn’t realize- And after everything you do for me!”

EJ looked at her sadly. While he didn’t want to admit it, he had been lacking in his favorite confidant and counselor or a cousin this whole summer. Although he had Val by his side to keep him sane, Ashlyn knew a lot about the relationship he and his father had which he hadn’t told anyone. But if EJ ever felt neglected, he definitely did not show it.

“Hey, hey, look at me. You are not a horrible cousin Ashlyn. You had your own things going own this summer, with Maddox and Val and stuff” EJ spoke softly, squeezing her hand.

Ashlyn chuckled, “Why are you like this Eej?”

EJ tilts his head away from her, confused at her comment.

“Why are you so nice?” she blurts out exasperately. “You make excuses for people’s actions towards you even if they don’t deserve it. You put everyone’s needs above everyone else. You forgive too easily. Eej this why your dad takes control of your life! This is why you and Gina-“

EJ raises his eyebrows, letting go of Ashlyn’s hand. She immediately stops herself, looking at him concerned. A wave of guilt washes over her as she scrambles to stop EJ from punishing himself for the downfall of his relationship.

“I didn’t mean that… you were not- are not why Gina broke up with you.. it was“ she looks at EJ’s eyes avoiding hers and takes his hand in hers, “either way, she didn’t deserve you Eej.”

EJ looks up at her with shock in his eyes

“Ash, she’s your best friend”
“And you’re my cousin”

He looks at her dumbfounded as Ashlyn continues.

“I know she’s my best friend and my roommate but that doesn’t mean she can’t make mistakes. And the way she treated your relationship wasn’t right. I mean I can’t even imagine what it would feel like if Big Red strung me along in a relationship while he had feelings for someone else. I should’ve realized that. I shouldn’t have…” she looks up at him sadly, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you that day during rehearsals. And in front of everyone, too.”

“I forgive you”

Ashlyn looks up at him, “Really?”

“I do”

“Thank you, Eej”

Ashlyn wraps EJ in a hug, as he hugs her back with a soft smile on his face.

“Now what do you say we go out for some thai food? I could use a trip to the other side of this door” he joked.

Ashlyn chuckled, “Yeah you kinda lost touch of society in these last couple months. Plus it would be nice to spend some time with my favorite cousin”

“Let me take a quick shower and I’m all yours, Ash”

Ashlyn smiled at him as he got up off the couch. As he was walking back upstairs he stopped at the foot of the stairs with a slight smirk on his face. Without turning to look at her he said, “maybe then you can fill me in on your little ‘discovery’ with my good friend Val?”

“Eej!!” she exclaimed, blushing furiously as he laughed running upstairs. Ashlyn shook her head with a smile on her face, proud to see her cousin’s obnoxious yet charming self back. And she knew then that no matter what, they would be okay.

A little redemption for Ashlyn after she very publicly outed her cousin in ep 3.05 🫢