#my cousin just started working there
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Felt cute at Disneyland today ✨
#my cousin just started working there#and invited me and huz to go for FREE#and then the nice man at the parking lot entrance gave us free parking!#which is fucking fantastic because we're broke af lol#so it was a pretty great day#until star tours that is#but whatever im over it#im too exhausted lol#my face
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my cousin throckmorton?? the one who lives in throckmorton and goes fishing every summer at lake throckmorton?? THAT throckmorton???
#don’t ask me how I came across this or why it just kinda happened in a serendipitous moment of avoiding work#to be clear I was not looking for throckmorton texas bc I had no idea it existed#I started out by looking at libraries in my city and ended up like 500 miles away#thought I’d share#my cousin throckmorton#throckmorton
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Young odysseus convincing everyone Ithaca is nothing but a poor island with rocks and goats to avoid any raids/conquerors/so he doesn't get murdered for talking to Helen bc "it's not like he's a real choice"
Young odysseus falling in love with Penelope at the same event: wait. Wait shit I fucked up hold on just hear me out
#the odyssey#Odysseus#Penelope#Pre-canon(?)#odypen#Odypen meet ulgy#When the cute “bumpkin” boy wants to marry you but only brought 3 goats for your cousins gifts#AND you caught him spying on your family#There's like a single line in the odyssey where I think some god is narratoring (not 100% sure)#And they have a well actually interjection moment to explain how Ithaca isn't just one island it actually has a shit ton of land#And is technically richer then every other country#Which honestly just makes it funnier that odysseus was like welp time to beg again with zero issues for 10 years#But it will never not be funny to me that young odysseus really shot himself in the foot with Penelopes family for the start#Like clearly it worked out but I bet Penelope father HATES him#Listen odysseus showed up to Helen's courting for the drama ONLY he never planned on marrying her#Bc he knew her husband would be murdered immediately#My man showed up for the drama and stayed for Penelope#Otp#I love them#And need more of these two being rat bastards to each other and LOVING it#Listen neither one of them has let a single thing go in their whole life and they like that about the other#Odysseus going to buy anything for his wife ever#Penelope: Oh my can we afford that this is just a simple rock island with a few goats#Odysseus: dressed head to toe in very very rich cloth that his wife made#Ithaca with the fastest ships bc ody designed new ones#Penelope: literally dripping with jewels that were MAYBE stolen (shut up you can't prove anything and Penelope likes it when he's a bastard#Odysseus: you're so right my bad that was so irresponsible for getting you a gift. Perhaps your father would like to pay instead?
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#i won't make it to 2025 i've been crying all day#i don't want anyone to see meeee#and after the party here we'll go to my cousin's house because it's my mom's birthday so they're throwing her a surprise party there#and it's so fucking stupid!!! because idk what they're gonna tell her to take her there#she's gonna feel like her new year's party -which she works hard on every year- is being underappreciated#and that same cousin was going to be here with us! like why 2 partiessss whyyyyyy who's gonna clean all that#meeee because i don't like being around people and i start washing dishes when everyone is gathered doing what people do at parties#but of i say any of this to my siblings they'll think it's just because i don't wanna leave the house which is also true !!!!#i feel so ill so desperate. this is not just not being in the mood. i can't calm down i can't even swallow properly#i haven't eaten anything because i feel my throat is closed and my heart beats so fast and i feel like i'm gonna throw up my own heart#and my stomach and neck and back hurt from how tense i'm am and my head hurts because i can't stop crying#my eyes are so red and so swollen. i'm gonna look disgusting when everyone gets here#📓
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you know the market is fucked when youre told the number of people who applied to this job through the site youre using alone and youre one of 300+ nearly every time
#its the job cuts#the 10.000+ layoffs of public servants in this city of which i was one#and theyve (govt) announced theyre cutting MORE jobs.#including my mothers job. she'll have to go after christmas because theyre cutting down to 1 receptionist#i cannot express to you how dead it is in the center city because thousands us are without work#since the cuts started (feb/march this year) the number of people moving to aus has increased.#uni students and ex public servants just see no future here and i dont blame them. my cousin just graduated and moved to aus last week#bunch of cafes and bakeries and businesses are shutting down n blaming the cycleways like no bitch#we're in a cost of living crisis and a giant chunk of the city dont have jobs to be spending on $7 coffees#i only go out once a week. i spend the rest of my time at home sending out applications and practising my hobbies#its just not tenable
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feeling very overwhelmed once again and feeling like everything is going wrong!!!!
#i was supposed to be attending an event this weekend#and i was going to have a little pop up stall with some of my crochet#and i’ve already started making a ton of stuff for it and i was really excited#but i just had a message from my cousin (who’s organising the event) that not many people are attending the event#and one of the people who was supposed to have a stall has cancelled bc they only had 2 people booked in#and apparently there’s only like 6 people who are attending the event#and it just kinda feels like i’ve made all this stuff for nothing#like i’m not bothered by making money it’s more like#the fact i have a ton of stuff that i have no idea what to do with#and obviously i’m really stressed from work and everything so that’s a whole other thing#and i’ve been avoiding messaging people and i feel really bad about it but also i’ve just been#anxious recently and feeling like i’m annoying and just#idk its fine!!!!!
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I hate how many opportunities I didn’t get because I was a girl and no one cared about me enough to help me
#My brother got so much that I didn’t#and yeah my mom was awful to him but he was everyone else’s favorite and there were so many people enabling his hobbies and such#He molested me AND my sister AND my cousin but everyone brushed it off and defended him#I worked my ass if in school and no one gave a shit but he’d get an A n my dad would buy him expensive video games#he got to play sports and go places#I got to act as my parents therapist and take care of my younger siblings#He threatened to kill himself over a petty argument and my dad talked to him kindly#I almost killed myself and my dad said horrible things to me bc if it#my brother never did shit around the house and no one ever said anything#I was majorly depressed and struggling to get out of bed and was called lazy and selfish#Until I started neglecting myself to take care of housework and school work#I still get shit for sleeping too much when in reality I just can’t sleep at night and it makes me crash at weird times#sorry I’m being stupid and whiny over dumb shit#screaming
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i love my sister and for the most part, we are very close and genuinely like each other a lot but the one place where i'd just really, really, really like to see inside her brain is the part where she is still incredibly comfortable and cheerful—and even thinks it's really funny—talking about how much she didn't like me as a child while I'm like. yes. I am and was aware. and it sucked so so so much
#we had a really wild moment over dinner last week where she actually acknowledged#EXPLICITLY with her OWN WORDS#that things like our brother dying right when i was going into my senior yr of high school#and covid lockdown starting right when i'd graduated college + moved to a new city where i knew no one except her + was applying/auditionin#for jobs#were harder on me than one her in some unique ways#and i was literally like . is. is this a test? am i supposed to deny it?#bc like when our brother died she told me i was a selfish brat (for not grieving the way she did)#and during covid she told me (right after i got laid off) that she had ''way more reasons to be depressed'' than i did#personal#anyway she was laughing so much as she said this (abt not liking me) and i was just staring at her nodding slightly like#yeah. i know. i know you didn't like me#do YOU know how much it sucks to know that your older sister--whom you idolize--who you *desperately* want to like you--#not only doesn't like you at all#but even up into high school/college#would talk about how she couldn't wait till our LITTLE (five year old) cousins were old enough to hang because they'd be so much fun#and know that she had absolutely never thought or said that about you#do you perhaps! think that might still have ramifications on our relationship to this day#if your little sister spent 20+ years knowing that your love was conditional on them being the person you wanted her to be#like. do u???#(the answer is no of course but#i remain boggled by the fact that this eludes her considering she is! in fact! a really smart person!)#it's also like when i was first offered my current job#and our now bosses asked both of us like ''are you worried at all about working with your sister?''#and she laughed like lol no of course not?#while i was like ''honestly yes.'' adskjfglkjasds#very different perspectives sometimes
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today i bring you random tma doodles. tomorrow? who knows.......
#just me and my shitty sketchbook against the world it seems#i cant draw on my mac bc it doesnt have pen pressure bc it was made in like 2001 :(#idk if ive told the story of my shitty mac on this blog but basically:#a few years ago my cousin was like dumpster diving?? or smth?? and she found this old 2001 ish mac#so she fixed it up for me and gave it to me for my birthday#its too old to work with my tablet fully so it doesnt support pen pressure and slowly over the years its been degrading more and morw#now google freaks out if i try to visit any page that isnt my email and i cant get any other search engine to work lol#it also starts chugging when i have too many pngs in my files and gets hot enough to burn when i make too many layers in firealpaca#oh also i cant get anything other than firealpaca to work on my mac#its like having an old horse that you still make work on the farm despite the fact that it faints from heat exaustion all the time-#-and sometimes doesnt wake up the first few times you call its name. but you dont want to put it down and it refuses to die of old age#my art#doodles#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#jonmartin#melanie king#i love you melanie!!!!!!!!!!!! she own my heart!!!!!!!!!#georgie barker#do they have a ship name#basira hussain#not my best basira but its so small in my sketchbook lol
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just saw the haikyuu movie and it was SO GOOD
#didn't even know it was in theaters I thought I had to wait until July!!!#then out of nowhere my mom was like oh did you see its in theaters???#im so happy right now im so so happy right now I had a fantastic time!!#i even got to see it in the dub which is so fun bc I actually love the hq dub#also god damn tsukiyamas were well fed I mean their scene was basically a complete amv#im so fucking happy right now#i think it actually worked really well as a movie#i'm sure it would have been great as a season like season 3 bc I'm sure there was stuff they had to cut but all things considered#the movie hit the emotional notes really well and was just fantastic to watch#ugh i love them so much#so its not like i ever really fell out of my haikyuu phase but like the hyperfixation is !!!!!!!!!!#of course its right when I start my first adult full time job#I'm totally gonna see it again tomorrow with my cousin#but i would see it as much as possible if i didn't have goddamn gainfull employmentt#so mad that i don't know any one is real life who shares my intensity about haikyuu i wish to scream#anyway it was great pleaseeeeee go see it if you can#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyuu spoiler#haikyuu battle of the garbage dump#haikyuu battle of the garbage dump spoilers#not really but just in case#tsukkiyama
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My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.
#what happened was that i was feeling really down these past few days#like mental health dead in mariana trench#and i went to visit her because she lives like 10 minutes away and has a cat i can play with#but yesterday morning a friend of mine made a fanart (i guess i can call it that) of a fanfic i am writing for the five of them#she sent it to me and said she's also working on an actual painting on a camvas of her fave scene from my original story#and i was so surprised and exicted#that's actually a too mild description#and when i was visitting my cousin i showed her the pic of the drawing on my phone and explained it to her and she just said ....ehh..#and started texting someone#i was sitting there feeling stupid and thinking wow you could have at least praised my friend's art sytle or something#and when i was getting ready to leave she asked me if i was aware my writing has no artistic merit and fantasy is trivial literature#so i should just stop wasting time on that and focus on developing my art style more for her future poetry collections#i do the art for her book covers#and added how we already have an established writer in the family so i should focus on my role - becoming a good pharmacist#and she knows how much i hate that i'm studying pharmacy like it's the no.1 cause of me hating the direction in which my life is going#finished it off by saying she feels like what she's doing in going to be really great and important on a large scale one day#and how she wants me to continue being her shadow that follows and supports her#i left went home and started at a wall for hours#i just feel so dumb for getting excited over a silly drawing of something not more than 5 people will ever read#i genuinely hate the idea of people reading anything i write so most likely writing will just remain a hobby for me#and now i feel like the most stupid person on earth and am this close to deleting all my word documents from both my laptops
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ParuF1sh Icons
Free To Use, No Credit Needed
#they are in love trust me my aunts brothers sisters cousins dogs friend works for nintendo. its canon bro#paruf1sh#mod shiver#splatoon 3#splatoon#icons#this is why i dont stay up past 3 am i just start making nonsense
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rage is a ✨way of life✨
#found out that i successfully angered someone by not showing up to work on saturday lmaoooooo#and im just like… gOOOOOOD. BE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!#mans has no room to be mad anyway. it’s his fault i had to ot for 7 hours to cover his work for him in the first place soooooooo#a nd he’s getting demoted next year and im ahauxucjsjjsjsjsjxjdhss#in other news im kinda annoyed by my mother’s (unfortunate) pressuring of me to go to the upcoming family christmas gathering :(#like no way manssssss i haven’t seen the extended fam since my grandma’s funeral and i’d like to keep it that way thanks~~~~~~~~#and a c h r i s t m a s gathering of all places… m a n. im half expecting them to drag everyone to church to end off the gathering…#i wouldn’t put it past the hosting aunt to do that ngl. she had tricked me into attending a church service in the past and all…#like. man. there’s this local mall that has a similar name to said church service…#so ofc it’s normal to assume that said mall is what she was referring to when she said ‘let’s go to [insert name]!’ with no context right???#and uggshdhdjjsjsjdjs i don’t wanna be introduced to my cousins’ kids as ‘auntie [insert nickname i hate]’ bc that’s lame#and m a n. i definitely don’t wanna interact with my cousins’ kids. i either don’t know or can’t pronounce (or both) their names#i only remember the oldest one’s name (bc he has a stereotypical frat boy name) and the one who’s named after a ninja turtle#but none of the rest. i think some of them have names from my cousins’ spouses’ home countries? dk about the others though#i’m 80% sure one of the girls was named something like ‘triceratops’ but that doesn’t seem right…#being named after a dinosaur sounds cool though… or any prehistoric creature really#if i could choose my own name i’d like it to be ‘coelacanth’#just so i can say ‘i coelacan’t do it!!!!!’ if someone asked me to do something i don’t wanna do. the pun potentials are endless mans#huh. wow… i started this off with a mad coworker and ended it by turning into a coelacanth… how did we get here anyway…?#oh wells no one reads the tags anyway uehxudjdjdjsjsjss my secrets are ✨safe✨
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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Breaking News: Local Woman Accidentally Writes Inconsistency Into Fic, Has Crisis
#completely forgot i made up a fennbo oc fankid for the modern au when i started writing a dinbo fic in that au :/#though i never said he was a fennbo kid in the AU fic so i just gotta make the change in my brain#he can be fenn's kid cousin or something?#that works#or maybe the dinbo modern au fic can be like... a different continuity? of the same AU?#yeah maybe I'll go with that!#or. i'll just. not say anythign. and hope nobody notices. lol
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DID NEIL GAYMEN WRITE DBD
He wrote the comics yes
#i totaly didnt have to look it up#also was spelling his last name like that intentional#what if our last names were just our sexuality and our gender?#'hi everyone im kitty pangirl'#ngl that kinda work#also why do americans pronounce 'herb' as 'urb' it dosent make sense#and im pretty sure its called macaroni cheese#but heigh ho each to there own#but exer is still pointy full stop#therea nothing you can do abt it sirius black#(thats thr only time i will call you that bc in all truth i wrote the Sirius black threat at abt 1 in the morning)#i couldnt sleep (i was thinking abt dead gay boys)#so i was doing that and reading a jegulus fanfic ofc#anyway someone called me emo yesterday?#its bc i forgot my hairclip lmao#my friend did a 'makeover' on me#in the middle of the hall right outside maths#and she tried to so my hair#and it went all over my face#so i put my glasses on#and said i was cousin it#and then people came and started laughing#it was so weird idk#then she insisted to do a messy bun#but i refused bc 1. i hate having my hair up#and 2. i dont want to look like a chav#and then she started spraying my face many times#so i was just like 'scarlett stop pls'#so she sprayed almost he whole bottke#exer is pointy
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