#my comfort character is shipped by the entire fandom with a character I deeply hate you know what I do ?

[dissvicious]

If someone is creating harmless content for free on the internet and you decide to shit on it publicly just because you, personally, don't like it I just think you're a very pathetic person

[utilitycaster]

I was asked by several people to elaborate on why I thought people hated Essek and specifically treated him as some spontaneous disruption rather than a choice driven by cast members, and so here it is.

An overarching theme is this: Matt, the creator of Exandria and DM for Critical Role, created Essek. The entire cast of Critical Role likes him. Liam O'Brien, as Caleb, chose to romance him. Now, none of this prevents you from disliking him, but I think people pile their hate on Essek because they don't want to admit they are upset with choices the cast members have made. (For what it's worth, this is why I think it's healthy to be able to express that you are frustrated with a cast member's character choices or with developments in the campaign or creative choices generally, and treating expressions of dislike as taboo or worse, inherently problematic, ultimately makes for a far more toxic fandom than one in which people can comfortably say "I don't like this"). Essek is an NPC, and as the post that led me to write this up states, he is a character who represents Matt's narrative decisions and the cast's choices in Campaign 2. To be mad at him is to be mad at a puppet because for whatever reason you are unwilling to admit a dislike for what the puppeteer is doing.

Now: why Essek specifically?

People who shipped Caleb with Jester do this a lot. I'll admit to my own biases re the C2 ships but I do reject this being pure fanwank because people who shipped other Caleb ships and were still around in the late campaign either mostly acted like adults, or just kind of threw Essek into the mix. The thing really is that a lot of people who shipped Caleb and Jester are very big fans of Liam specifically, and Liam and Laura's dynamic, and are loathe to say that Liam decided not to have Caleb significantly pursue the relationship; that Laura chose to have Jester act utterly unaware of the relationship; and that Liam decided, instead of having Caleb pine endlessly, to pursue another potential romantic interest. I also suspect that some abuse of power in specific fandom spaces gave people false hope and inflamed resentment. A lot of these people also hate on Fjord but tend to be quieter about that because it's harder to pretend a PC isn't deeply tied to a cast member.

There is a subset of fans who treat mlm ships and wlw ships (or male and female characters) as locked in some kind of zero sum game in which the existence of one dims the light of the other. This is preposterous. I cannot imagine a more wretched and unhappy fandom experience than miserably tallying up fics and art and judging success not by quality and enjoyment of what content there is but rather whether there's more for your ship or more for other ships. I have joked that when my favorite character is popular I enjoy that they're popular, and when they're not, I enjoy that I clearly have refined and superior taste and I recommend others adopt this mentality. I also have half-joked that it would be fascinating to do a survey tallying the quantity of posts complaining about, say, Caleb and Essek's relationship someone has made, vs. how many posts they've made about (for example) Beau and Yasha's relationship, because a lot of the time the energy spent complaining, or worse, harassing others over their preferences could have addressed the problem had it instead been devoted to creating fanworks for your ship of choice.

Also very generally, while it's true that there's no shortage of annoying fans of Essek, I promise, there's no shortage of annoying and shitty fans of basically every character and ship including the ones you like.

For his appearance in Campaign 3 specifically, I think people are blaming Essek for the fact that this is the Chickens Coming Home to Roost, Avengers Assemble campaign. If you take issue with the characters of Bells Hells being overshadowed by those from past campaigns, the time to make that complaint was when Laudna and Orym showed up as PCs with strong ties to Delilah and Keyleth, or at the very least when Keyleth was brought in as a ringer to help resurrect Laudna (and, as someone who did make those complaints at the time and has since accepted this is the Past Campaigns Campaign...this has not been the case). Multiple party members (as played by cast members) expressed interest and excitement in Aeor before Essek (even as Seth) was mentioned. Bells Hells (as played by the Critical Role cast) want to go to Aeor. You do not have to like it, but this is not Essek's fault, as he is an NPC as part of the story driven by the cast's choices.

I've said this before but it bears nonstop repeating: when the CR cast says it's their table, it does not mean "it's their table and above criticism." It means "they are making the choices they make to play a game that they will enjoy." You can and should say that you're not enjoying it. It won't change what they do, but you'll feel better. But Essek isn't a real person with real agency. If his appearance is upsetting you, you need to attribute that to Matt's choices and decide if this campaign is still something you wish to watch and if this fandom is still something in which you wish to participate. Acting like Essek is some kind of horrible natural disaster ruining your lovely picnic and not a very deliberate choice by Matt is a transparently absurd denial of reality.

[alexitheslayer02]

Fandoms: Please Read, I will rant a bit, but this is also a thank you to Lies of P and Jttw fans/fandoms. Be patient with me because I do go on a tangent hhh

So far, the fandoms I felt the most comfortable around have been the Lies of P fandom and the Jttw fandoms. I have not felt unwelcome with these fandoms, and that is a first. For context. I have seen Bnha (or Mha, aka. My Hero Academia), Creepypasta, ASOIAF/GoT. [Note: I'm a former member of Quotev, and I was young when I started interacting with fandoms. I was like, eleven to twelve, and not supposed to be on the internet at that time] Now, I know people have to know about some of these fandoms. Some are fairly infamous. My experiences with the ones mentioned above, specifically bnha and creepypasta, have lead me to say things like "I am a fan of the media, but I am NOT part of the fandom", because I never really felt welcome in the fandom, OR, people assumed things about BECAUSE I was in the fandom. For example. Bnha. Now, I hate confrontations. I hate conflict, and I just don't like to get involved in it. And I honestly could not care less what people ship because it's none of my business, that's their business and it's fictional characters. Bnha had the BIGGEST ship war I have ever seen when i got into the fandom. The war of Bakudeku was intense and brutal, to the point where I was like "fuck this shit I'm out". Cause some folks got mad at me for trying to play Switzerland.

Now, Creepypasta. This was my first fandom, and the people I met and interacted with were, thankfully, the chill half of the fandom. The casual enjoyers of the stories. This was during my phase when I was really into horror. I still am in all honesty. I watched horror films a lot. My dad is a big fan of horror. Specifically, my first slasher film was the og A Nightmare on Elm Street. Then my first paranormal film was The Conjuring. So there we go. Now, my problem here was, I was chill. I just found the stories fascinating as an aspiring writer. The characters were interesting to me at the time. My favorite was Candy Pop and BEN Drowned. What happened was people harassed me for being a fan. Cause apparently the fandom is infamous for being, fanatically, unhinged. These strangers, whom I never interacted with, claimed I was a "murder simp" because my account was BEN Drowned themed at that time. I would never simp after a murderer. I know the difference between right and wrong. But apparently, these people were so convinced of my supposed guilt, that they reported me, and I had to create a new account on Quotev, (you can join Q without an email). I never went Creepypasta themed again, because I was scared of getting harassed again, and I almost lost complete contact with my girlfriend (we were only friends back then, again, I was twelve at the time).

In the more recent months. ASOIAF has been frustrating to me. It has amazing fanart. I adore the series. My favorite characters are Robb, Arya, and Jon. I fucking hate so many of the fans though. Specifically how they talk about GRRM when it comes to Winds of Winter, like... I get it. You want to read the book, some of you have been waiting a long ass time. But as an aspiring writer, and someone who tries to be a decent person, it deeply bothers how they treat the man. WRITING IS HARD. The man was depressed because he had friends die back to back and had to rewrite the entire book. And I doubt anyone saying "he'll die before he finishes the series" is helping anything! Patrick Rothfuss' fans are another fanbase I have a grudge against for how they treat the author, and I have not even read Mr. Rothfuss' books. That man is a manic depressive and a perfectionist, yet fans keep shit talking him for not completing his book. WTF people, what is wrong with these so called 'fans'? Shit talking is not gonna make people write faster, in fact, if I was the writer anyway, I would be less inclined to write with those people on my case, I would get depressed! *cough*

Anyway.... I digress. I have problems with ASOIAF fans. SO what was the point of me bringing those other fandoms up? Because Lies of P and Black Myth Wukong fandoms have been so nice and so chill with their own brand of chaos that is honestly beautiful. Literally when it comes to the fanart cause my LORD these two fandoms in particular have some GORGEOUS fanart, I absolutely ADORE these artists! And like, they've been so welcoming as well. While I have not directly interacted with a lot of Lies of P fans, since it was before I officially started blogging, but I met some really nice people in comments. As for jttw, when I started blogging my reading progress with Journey to the West, I had a really fun conversation with someone who read it before. And when I saw a particularly gorgeous piece of fanart (it was for lmk, which I still have yet to watch), and the artist and I had a fun conversation as well about art and the show in question. WHICH, if I can find it, I will watch it with my little brother. I am intrigued because of what the artist said, I also talked to my girlfriend about it, and she said it was good. So don't worry lmk fandom, I'm gonna be on it soon. But yes. The Lies of P, and Jttw fandoms (including Lmk and Black Myth: Wukong, cause it all sort of merged into a beautiful amalgamation XD) have been real nice to me as far as first impressions go, and it is such a huge relief to me. This is one of the few times I can say I actually feel part of the fandom instead of a "fucking tourist" (as the Dragon Age devs would call me -_-)

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to these wonderful, chaotic people ^^ Some honorable mentions to certain people I talked to. (@un-dermask by the way is the artist in question. I highly recommend checking them out, they have some beautiful artwork for lmk, as well as an interesting au for the undertale fans)

(@weaverworks is the kind soul whom I spoke to while blogging my Journey to West progress. DON'T WORRY, I will continue to read it. I just have some work to get done. Though I don't guarantee I will blog it as much as I did yesterday. We'll see.)

[vampireistic]

“annoying gays” aren’t the problem.

the problem with “straight” self-entitlement

the anime/gaming community isn’t known for being very lgbt friendly (the amount of times i’ve been threatened with SA because i’ve called a character zesty is actually psychotic) and to be fair, posting something like this to a website known for being infested with us gay critters seems silly, but i think it’s something worth a discussion.

overall, i want to go over a couple fandoms that i’m deeply engrained in that i’ve personally experienced the shittiest takes with: honkai star rail, genshin impact, jujutsu kaisen.

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“i hate ___ fandom”, do you? or do you hate the fact black and gay people exist in the same space as you? “oh it’s the shippers! they’re weird”, yeah i won’t deny a minuscule percentage are, but do you really think that overshadows the fact the CN part of the genshin community KILLED kittens because they hated scaramouche, the creepypasta fandom saw the emergence of several murderers that varied in concerning age, not to even mention the amount of l*li art that gets made using the excuse that the character is “akshually 500+!” — believe me, these are more egregious sins than simply: “they ship boy and boy so i don’t like.”

“FANON” VS “CANON”

some of you can’t differentiate between: “this makes me uncomfortable” and “this is wrong”.

“headcanons are losing their meaning”, “i miss when headcanons didn’t make sexualities their entire character” — what is it with people being upset that others are finding comfort in portraying themselves in a character they enjoy? “it ruins the character!”, “you’re belittling them and ignoring their backstory!”, how come these are the responses only queer people get?

it’s ok to not like it but you also have to acknowledge that it’s completely harmless and in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t matter. “you’re making it all about sexualities”, “you can’t make everything gay” etc etc — those are just basic homophobic rhetorics. gay people have been demonised in media excessively, of course we want to MAKE representation for ourselves if we aren’t going to get any canonically.

queer people shouldn’t have to be digestible to you and what you like for you to not have a hissy fit that they merely headcanoned a fun character as having xenopronouns. using the excuse that: “oh well, i’m also queer!”, is ridiculous, being part of the community doesn’t absolve you from any type of lgbtphobia. do you really think the straights are gonna come accept you with tears in their eyes because you’re not like those other fags?

────────────────────────

“SHIPPING CULTURE”

getting mad at queer people for not liking straight ships should be a form of comedy. throughout all those decades of entertainment, queer people have been given mere crumbs of what straight people have — why is it expected that we need to absolutely suck up and also enjoy something that we’ve already been force fed our entire lives? this sort of idea is a little predatory, in my experience at least, this rhetoric is the reason i used to HATE even entertaining the idea i could be a lesbian just because it was so disconnected from other sexualities where most revolved around some sort of attraction to men; i feel like this isn’t necessarily that uncommon of a situation either.

this sort of conversation surrounding the concept of “heterophobia” just sparks immediate homophobic rhetoric that intends to make queer people like some villainous group that’s goal is to gayify every straight ship in existence. no-one actually cares, you’re just upset because gay ships tend to get more talked about in fandoms because they’re well liked.

let queer people enjoy solely mlm/wlw media or pairings without making them feel othered or like a “fujoshi” for something normal. if i have to sit here and listen to why you think god should personally make mitsuri and obanai real so they can have a real wedding then you can handle me just stating “idk i think satosugu is good”. i can’t tell you the amount of times my own friends have made me feel weird or icky for watching things that relate to me because i specify i won’t read or watch romance stories with a hetero pairing — like i trusted y’all once with violet evergarden and look where that ended up…

“you’d like ___ if it was gay” / “you only hate ___ because it’s straight” … yeah, because i’m gay dumbass. why the fuck should i pour my energy into a straight pairing i can’t at least resonate with somewhat. there are some exemptions to this rule and i will forever be a hanako kun and nene lover — but that’s purely because they’re a straight ship written for gay people. and it’s actually quite easy to discern the difference between “straight pairing that’s intended for large audience” vs “straight pairing that’s intended to appease fans / soothe the lonely lowlifes who have never touched a woman”

the former being: hanako kun x nene, quite literally any pairing from disney movies, loid x yor, haruhi x tamaki… okay i’m out — and the latter being ANYTHING from the following animes: darling in the franxx, bunny girl senpai, my dress up darling, toradora etc.

also to add onto the whole “you’d like so and so if they were gay”, y’all would absolutely believe ships like satosugu, beigguang, acheswan, eimiko etc were canon if they were m/f pairings.

“QUEER CODING / IMPLICATION”

i don’t understand why this specific topic is so heavily discussed in such a negative manner — if there’s specific references to queer things in relation to a character, it’s obviously intentional. what’s the issue? that it’s gay?

queer coding has long been a subtle yet powerful tool in media, particularly in anime and video games. it involves the inclusion of characters whose traits, behaviours, or relationships suggest a queer identity without explicitly stating it. this coding allows for nuanced representations of lgbtq+ identities in contexts where direct representation might be risky or censored. two franchises where queer coding is evident are genshin impact and jujutsu kaisen.

however, the appreciation of this representation often gets lost in a quagmire of "canon versus fanon" discourse, particularly among straight fans, who degrade these characters and their relationships to fucking “shipping debates.”

“they’re just friends — have you never interacted with a friend before?” / “not everything has to be romantic / gay”

i don’t remember the last time i longingly gazed at my friend after receiving a compliment and smirking while stating: “only a true treasure captures the eyes of __, seems like i’ve struck gold.” homosexual undertones exist!! i don’t understand how this is something controversial or scary to discuss — just because a character isn’t DIRECTLY stated to be queer, doesn’t suddenly mean all the hinting doesn’t mean anything.

heterosexuality isn’t the “default”, why do you have to assume every character is straight? i don’t remember them staring down at the camera lense to specify.

you can’t be so disingenuous and media literacy constipated that you don’t know how to interpret very simple things like yae miko writing a sapphic book where the main two characters resemble her and ei, the fact kaveh and alhaitham’s introductory quest line is titled “pride and prejudice”, the entire story of xiao and venti meeting, and even something as seemingly dumb and simple as ajax being gifted chopsticks by zhongli. repetitive nuances aren’t there for the sake of silly dynamics, they’re there to get past censorship. believe me if they could they would’ve made yae and ei make out by now.

another gentle reminder: wriothesley is based off henry wriothesley, a homosexual man known for having gay relationships who had a close intimacy with william shakespeare. clorinde is based off a historical feminist and bisexual named julie d'aubigny with navia being based off of julie d'aubigny's lover, who was a lesbian. and if you’re going to argue semantics and say that these are either incidental and don’t mean anything — then neither does the argument that nahida was supposed to be based off the hindu moon goddess.

the weird anger that procures whenever gay ships are more popular is so baffling. yaeyato quite literally come along as a reactionary ship to eimiko because…they hated lesbians, straight ghuizhong and zhongli shippers have conjured up this rainbow demon that every zhongchi shipper hates them (despite the fact a large majority of guizhong shippers…are also zhongchi shippers).

similarly, jujutsu kaisen has characters whose relationships and characteristics are imbued with queer coding. the dynamic between gojo and geto, for example, is often highlighted as more than just a rivalry or friendship. their relationship is filled with an intensity that transcends typical "bromance," and the narrative hints at a deep emotional connection that resonates with many queer experiences of longing and betrayal. they’re made to be the exact mirrors of each other, pieces of a puzzle that when put together perfectly balance into a piece of art.

“my six eyes tell me you’re suguru geto. but my soul knows otherwise!”

some of you wouldn’t even have your own mother recognise you in such a manner let alone your best-friend who you haven’t seen in years. don’t remember the last time i purred and groaned my friend’s name while we’re on call and i don’t think i could ever bother staring at them lovingly while propping my cheek up with my hand. geto had this man nearly on his hands and knees in front of a public sidewalk near a non copyrighted kfc because he was afraid of him leaving.

what i find also particularly funny is how these same people will view labelling a character as something that somehow dirties them and then will turn around and ship something like anya and that ugly kid (i’m sorry but i don’t remember his name LMAO) — you don’t care about “pushing sexualities onto a character”, you give a shit because it’s queer.

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here’s some resources i found that managed to vocalise my thoughts rather perfectly:

annoying gays are not the problem

“i’m not one of those gays” - shut up.

a deep dive into the queer coding of genshin impact

is honkai star rail actually queer coded?

homophobia in the honkai star rail community

[belong2human-kind]

Hey guys, Clara here!! How are you??

I'm here to talk about something more serious right now. But don't worry!

As someone who is deeply in love with the SW Rebels saga since even before the first airing and someone who has accompanied all of the development of this amazing expansion of the Star Wars' universe, I want to say that this is one of the most diverse community I've met, and this makes me really happy about how so many different beings share the same interest and passion for this show as I do 🧡

So.. my profile won't lie huh? I'm down for a ship of this show so so bad, and if you, person on the other side reading this, still don't know what I'm talking about, let me tell you: I'm a biig sabezra shipper and fan! Since the first time I saw these two interact, I feel in love with their dynamics. And as the show continued, the sentiment that they could be one of the healthiest pairings of the entire saga only grew more. I love both characters individually, Ezra and Sabine, and also love them as a couple.

Joining tumblr and being active here about them, I entered the community and even dared to share my weird thoughts and stuff and own creations about this universe I love so much. I was so so so motivated by amazing people who gave me support to show my little creations, and I made truly wonderful friends here on the ship community that I'll cary for life. I won't lie that I am very eager about this ship so whoever I see engaging in Sabezra, I tend to follow XD (I hope this isn't too weird heh ^^)

I'm here to talk about two things.

1. I am very thankful for the friends I've made on the ship community and the series community as a whole too. Also, the majority of people I interact with are absurdly amazing, kind and sweet, and as I said, it's really touching and heartwarming to me to know that such a different and diverse community is united by one specific passion about SW. You guys are amazing, stay awesome 🧡💜

2. This being said, unfortunately, things can get a little heated up about some topics, specifically the ones involving pairings. So, I'm here to talk/ask, all of the people who, like me, are part of this community, to just remember that, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter who you support your character with or without: we are still united by the same interest, this one being the love for those characters with such deep, unique and touching stories.

The Ghost Crew is a family, and we, the fandom, are kinda like a big one too. So what I'm here to ask is: Hey, be kind to each other 🌻 Different opinions exist, but this is not only fine, this is amazing. It'd be boring if everyone on earth loved Rebels or even my favorite ship, sabezra, because if everyone did then it wouldn't be something so unique and especial, and it is. As I said before, this community is so diverse! We can enjoy different things, we actually should do that! But, by the end of the day, we're just a bunch of people who love star wars. I think we can all agree on that ^^

That being said, I also apologize. I try to not engage with any hate spreading messages, and I know that there are quite a few here on both the shipping communities and the entire community too. Nothing can really justify being mean to someone (at least that's what I believe and try to hold myself on) but I know that we never know what's really happening behind the screen for someone, even if they share. Life can be tough, I know this myself. So I apologize for all of my friends and community colleagues that might have hurt on others, and also, apologize on myself as well if I did let this happen too. As much as I try always being kind, I'm still a human, with ups and downs and one that can make some mistakes too. I try my best to make people around me (physically and virtually) to feel comfortable and embraced because I think everyone deserves that. But at the same time, we can hurt people intentionally and unintentionally so easily :( So yeah, I apologize for that. And I hope we can interact with each other with kindness and respect. I think this is one of the most important things to do as a human: be gentle to others and the nature around you.

Uhh I speak so much :'n It's 2am now and I have class tomorrow, my adhd brain is still running on circles on my head LOL so I'll be off for now. Keep awesome guys! And stay safe 🌻

[cicadaknight]

tag game (horizon)

tagged by @artekai 💕🤝💖 thanks, pal!

1. ride or die ship: fashav/kotallo straight to my grave. mythological tragedies, those two, i tell you what.

2. most annoying ship: the boat aloy takes to san francisco. can you imagine, never rowing before in your life and making that trek through choppy currents and storms? insufferable.

3. second favorite ship: aloy/kotallo. the parallels of aloy and kotallo being forced into roles they never wanted, being alone and outcast from their tribes, moving through their grief and rage by learning to trust a new found family? being seen by another for more than their physical prowess but their humanity and creativity? excellent shit.

4. favorite platonic relationship: SYLENS AND BETA AND GAIA. Sylens getting taken down a fucking peg or two by a teenage girl and an infinitely compassionate AI. Beta being able to collaborate with someone (and an AI) who sees well beyond her mistakes and faults. GAIA finding consistent, complex companions who remind her fondly of Lis. Sylens making Beta food and teaching her how to cook. HELP ME.

5. Underrated ship: So many. I really love Aloy/Drakka. The idea of him being such a counter to Aloy’s single-minded focus on saving the world by being an absolute goober. But her seeing that he cares so very deeply about doing the right thing and protecting his people. Alva/Beta is sweet. I dig Erend/Talanah.

6. overrated ship: the odyssey. just kidding, i already made a joke about a boat.

7. one thing i would change in canon: the entire last act? specifically varl’s death, that kotallo doesn’t fly to the grove with aloy, that aloy ends the entire tenakth/regalla conflict via single combat duel, and then fights alone twice more with erik and tilda. RIP all the build up to aloy understanding that she’s not alone and all the people in her life are as competent and complex and have just as much stake in the fate of the world as she does. and beyond that, i deeply regret the way they wrote talanah in hfw. she shoulda had that fourth bunk in the base.

8. something canon did right: don’t get me wrong, i wish fashav hadn’t died at barren light, but i love his back story and everything we find out through his journals. added so much nuance to carja and tenakth cultures and characters in just a handful of paragraphs.

9. a thing i’m proud of creating for the fandom: i’ve been in a perpetual state of burnout for yeeeeeears. this kotallo portrait was the first piece i’ve drawn in ages. i’m also working on a bookbinding project and doing art for Kotallo with amazing folks on Focus on the Heart.

10. a character who is perfect to me: Hekarro. I hope the writers, animators, and actor who made him come to life are very proud of their work.

11. character i relate to most and why: uhhh like every other neurodivergent queer with trauma and parental issues, i gotta go with beta.

12. character(s) i hate most and why: tekkoteh. absolute steaming pile of shit. genuinely every time i think i’ve reached peak hatred for that slime, someone writes a beautiful fic where i find myself despising him more. in my interpretation, there’s no world where he didn’t take advantage of, manipulate, and abuse kotallo after his parents died.

13. something i’ve learned from the fandom: awww this is cheesy, but i learned how to take a chance and post things i make again. most people are so curious and so excited to discuss lore or characters in good faith. oh, recently i did discover i missed MANY post-mission dialogues for side quests on my first few playthroughs.

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: i’m guaranteed to get drawn into anything re: kotallo and fashav’s early marshal days, lis character development, aloy/kotallo hurt/comfort (sue me)

15. a song i associate strongly with my otp/favorite character: i made this playlist based off this fic. it’s basicallg my score for fashav and kotallo falling in love during their marshal duties. instants by skúli sverrisson and anything by hermanos gutiérrez sends me into pondering fashav and kotallo’s lives together.

i’m gonna tag @poulticepurse @fogsblue @rowanisawriter @ayaitch @robo-dino-puppy if y’all wanna do this?

[feathersketchcreations]

so the glowing blitz silhouette from the look my way MV inspired me to draw Remi in the same pose because I.. see so much of myself in Blitz. I know I spend alot of my time doing silly goofy meme art as well as oc x Blitz polyamory shipart and while some see it as me being some Blitz fangirl or cringy simp, sure. I guess people can judge me for the gushy self insert characters x blitz shipart. but I don't do this because I'm a Blitz Fangirl. there is a reason I obsess and hyperfocus on Blitz so much and it's because I connect so deeply to him that it's kinda super personal. I know that seems silly.. but I also DO know I'm not the only one that feels the same way. I've seen other blitz fans who kin him and feel the same way I do.

I'm not gonna sugar coat this when I say blitz has a LOT to work on. thats fact. He deals with self hate, he genuinely thinks he doesn't even deserve love or affection, but he feels SO lonely. hes afraid hes going to DIE alone. and he also blames himself for things that were accident, showing he has a pretty bad guilt complex that has made him feel SUPER guilty about his childhood tent fire accident. he also has individuals who hate him as we've seen throughout the series (Verosika, Fizz, his own sister barbie, ect, though we already saw him and fizz make up. which is awesome! ^^) and well.. yea..

theres just.. SO much Blitz goes through as a character.. and me personally, I've been through each and EVERY Single thing he's going through. and yes. it HITS hard...

I know what it's like to self hate. I've been dealing with self hate my entire life. growing up I did a piss poor job building up the self love and seeing my worth. even to this day I still deal with self hate. yea, I know that I have people who tell me my arts good, or that im a good friend, or that I've inspired them, and truthfully yea I know my arts good, and I know I inspire others cause that's always been my goal is to inspire people, and if it works yay! but I am working on myself still. it's a rough road of getting out of the pit of self hate. self love is SUPER hard. my boyfriend even sees how hard it can be and how damaging self hate can be to me. but he still believes in me. just like I know all of my friends in this fandom believe in me. and I think that alone is what helps me try. and seeing Blitz go through this definitely makes me connect and idk. it speaks to me..

I know what it's like to feel like I'm unloveable.. before I met my boyfriend Christian, I had such a hard time with relationships. people used me. cheated on me, abused me. yknow the gist. back in 2015 I was SO close to giving up because I thought I was worthless and unlovable.. I was so fucking hopeless. I felt so unloved, and unwanted and blamed myself... anyone I'd have feelings for, I would get friendzoned, or shot down. I just felt super hopeless until I met christian. we.. admittedly had a rocky start and ups and downs.. but here we are 8 years later, moved in together, and still holding on to one another. I love him to death, and would do anything for him.. and obviously in Blitz's case in the show, after seeing the episode truth seekers, and ozzies, I felt so bad for him. truthfully this is why i made remi. I had MADE remi to ship with blitz to make comfort art of him in HAPPY art pieces because it pained me to see him go through all this stuff in the show. and I seriously can't wait to finally see him SUPER happy with Stolas when they finally get together canonically of course! <3 it's gonna be amazing <3

I know what it's like to suffer from a really bad guilt complex.. I've done and said things I didn't mean in the past.. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I was AWFUL, but I'm learning from my mistakes.. and I'll be real, I still feel guilty over the things I've said and done because yea. I feel horrible. dispite people I've wronged, forgiving me, and me bettring meself, years later I still feel horrible and have my moments where I'll just sit at my table, stare off and then cry, having an emotional break down. so seeing blitz HATE himself AND beat himself up, and being guilty for the circus fire even though it was an accident.. man it hurts and hits me really hard cause that shit is so relatable...

so.. Idk.. I don't just "simp" or "fangirl" for blitz (I mean I wont deny it I do simp, and fangirl to the extreme lol) I just.. relate to him so much on a personal level it's insane..

so it makes me happy seeing him happy. cause all the poor dude seems to get is big fat F yous in the show left and right, and I draw him shipped with My ocs Remi and Tiziri because both Remi AND tiziri are representation of me somewhat, and because I used to go through what hes going through, It comforts me drawing shipart. dispite what the haters think, Even after stolas x blitz becomes canon, yes, I'm STILL gonna ship my ocs with blitz in my lil AU..

but know I also cannot wait to see stolas and blitz happy.

agh.. I know this is alot. sorry. <XD

I'm kinda emotional rn..

anyway. er. yea. this is my peice. hopefully people kinda understand a little bit of why I stick to oc x blitz ships so much.. and if not hey, thats okay. I get it.

thank you for reading.

artwork was inspired off of the blitz silhouette from the look my way music video

Art (c) me Remi (c) mine helluva boss (c) vivziepop

[nice-and-accurate-good-omens]

i think perhaps the newer fandom has a deep misunderstanding of the final episode of season 2.

I’ve seen people tout it off as a deep mischaracterization and harmful to queer people. But thats just- not the case in the slightest. Christ the amount of fix it fics i’ve seen where people just have them remove the break up scene entirely is- just sad. I too crave the comfort of characters so deeply in love my heart hurts, where they’re allowed to be happy and queer in peace. But thats not the circumstances they find themselves in- that Any of us in the community find ourselves in. Heaven and hell come for them, their plans to end the world for the sake of war.

Both of them are in the wrong, crowleys plan to run off together fixes nothing, and you can see in aziriphales face in his actions throughout the entire season that thats all he craves, but if he were to run- just as Gabriel and beelzebub had done off to some distant galaxy away from it all, eventually the past would catch up to them. And not only that the world that they were apart of for thousands of years lain to ruin because they chose to flee.

Aziraphale- i think he changed his mind the moment the confession happened. He wanted to give his starmaker his stars back, to allow him the freedom and happiness he wants, its just aziriphale is so caught up in their own religion he cannot see that he is Worth more than the sum of his belief to someone. That if crowley could simply come back to heaven- to the Good side a side he believes does wrong only to thwart the evils of hell he’s been told of his whole existence. Remember now- Crowley never told aziraphale about the details of his attempted execution- he didn’t even tell zira that he lost his apartment. He knows something happened- but not the worst of it. But crowley is so viscerally against every part of heavens deal. Crowley hears that he’s unworthy of love unless he’s an angel, aziraphale hears the person he cares most about in the entire universe hating every part of who he is.

And then the confession happens- the kiss, so many emotions flick over his face before he finally settles. “I forgive you” “i forgive you for wanting me” “i forgive you for running but i cant do that not when i have something to fight for” he sets his feet, he may be turning to heaven but he’s looking to pick a fight, ‘someone who can see the good in me despite being hereditary enemies must mean that Something is wrong, someone that good didn’t Deserve to fall’ so he’s walking into heaven with a tyre iron and some questions. He wants to make it better, to make a heaven that will allow free thought, a suggestion box.

We must give Neil time, time to craft the ending to our story. He would never let this story sit as it is, even if it meant recording this in his backyard with three fennec foxes in a trench coat. They will have a cottage in the south downs, Neil already told us so. This too shall pass, the pain we feel at our favorite characters not being able to communicate effectively is temporary. I know we so often get stories where the queer characters dance just out of reach of each other, veiled with innuendos and metaphors only to be ripped from our arms with sudden straight ships or death. But Neil doesn’t Write those stories, have faith that Neil will give us a satisfying ending. We’ll cry, and this time it’ll be happy tears. We’ll see them just as it began, in a garden.

[norwegianpornfaerie]

Dear Yuletide Writer Letter - 2023

Dear Yuletide Writer

Thanks so much for checking my letter! Most of what's here is also in my sign-up, but I've added some extra bits, including my preferences for stories in general. Have a very happy Yuletide - it's my favorite time of year!

First things first: With absolute honesty, I would much rather you write something you are comfortable with and that interests and inspires you, rather than trying to bed over backwards and struggle to make your fic conform to prompts and suggestions you’re not feeling. I’m assuming you signed up to write my fandoms and characters because you have a genuine love for and interest in them, and that’s what makes for the best stories. So let the optional details be optional, and take the below as a guideline for those who prefer it.

However, if you WOULD like more details, I would be delighted if you would consider the below:

Things I really enjoy:

Humor! The perfect story, to me, has a curated balance of comedy and drama. Humor is life, and stories that are entirely without it often seem lifeless, to me. I am not, of course, suggesting that everything should be a comedy, but that humor complements tragedy and vice versa. Make me laugh at some point in your story, and I will be very happy indeed.

First time stories! I absolutely prefer this to anything else, in relationship-focused stories. As I tend to say, I’m secretly an 18th century romantic poet. Slow burn, UST, all that good stuff. I realize you’ve got limited time and limited words here, but whatever you can give, I will happily accept.

Casefic! I love detective stories, especially the classics, so anything in that vein will make me very happy indeed.

Plot. Plooooot! Plot is delicious. I don’t mind character studies, but a good plot will make me happier than anything.

Explicit sex. I’m pretty vanilla, but I don’t mind reading kink. If you enjoy writing that sort of thing, I am a sucker for a well-written explicit sex scene, no matter the flavor!

World-building. In science fiction or fantasy canons in particular, I can never get enough of this. Let me know what people have for breakfast, how their clothes are made, where they shop, where they go on vacation and how - tell me about the three seashells! (#ObscureDemolitionManReference) In short: Details! 

Various preferences: If I’ve specified a ship and you don’t like it, please don’t feel obligated to write it. However, I would really rather you did not write those characters into other ships in the story (unless it’s canonical, or mentions of past relationships). Likewise, please don’t erase canonical love interests. AUs are OK, but I would really rather read about the canon universe.

Now, author, if you’ve read the above and think “but I only write gen” or “but I hate plotty stories” or “I couldn’t write casefic to save my life” - really, really don’t worry. You matched with me because you like one or more of the same fandoms and characters as me, and that’s more than enough. I trust you to write the best story you can, and that means writing it the way YOU want to. I’m obviously very happy if you chose to include some of my likes, but don’t feel forced to do so.

If you’ve read all the above, and you’re still not sure about something, maybe my fics on AO3 might be helpful? I generally like to read the same type of stuff I write.

Jeeves & Wooster  

Reginald Jeeves

Bertram "Bertie" Wooster

This is one of my comfort fandoms. I take such joy in the language - Wodehouse was a magician when it comes to words - and the characters and the masterful plots... but mostly in Jeeves. I have great affinity for Bertie and identify with him to a great extent, and so it's no wonder that I, too, am deeply fond of Jeeves. I see Jeeves as a deeply feeling person, who only appears cold and unflinching on the surface due to superhuman discipline. He is a man of scintillating intelligence, who also can be petty and jealous when the mood strikes. It is the character interaction and interpersonal relationship I adore the most, as well as the clever, intelligent humor.

Wants: I do ship these two, and I would absolutely adore some UST ending in, erm, resolved tension. If you don't care to write that, I'd love a story based on their mutual admiration and friendship. Ideally, I would prefer a story written in first person. Bertie, of course, narrates most of the stories in canon, but if you are more of a Jeeves, or would rather write in his voice, nothing would please me more. I believe Bertie is genuinely intelligent and clever, and I love when this is shown in writing. Particularly if Jeeves comes to realize it/comes to Bertie's defense if someone belittles him.

Do Not Wants: Jeeves or Bertie paired with other characters. Jeeves or Bertie dying. No PWP, please, I prefer my porn with added plot. No hurt without comfort. No mention of bodily fluids other than blood, semen or saliva in a sexual context. No body horror/permanent disfigurement.

Oxventure: Blades in the Dark  

Barnaby Fortescue III

Edvard Lumière

While I am not at all disappointed with the ending, I hate the idea of never knowing what happens next! I love both the setting and the characters, and particularly how the tone walks such a perfect line between horror, humor and realism. Can there be three sides to a line? There can now; Edvard will make it work, somehow. I've picked my two favorite characters - I enjoy Edvard for his delightful and wild innoventions, and his eclectic personality. He's an interesting mix of cynical and blindly optimistic, with just a hint of madness. That being said, Barnaby is my absolute favorite. The idea of a man who takes to a life of crime because he thinks it might be "a bit of fun", and then ends up being accidentally really good at it is absolutely brilliant. He also seems to have some unexpected character growth, particularly toward the end. I do not peresonally ship these two, but I don't mind if you do and would like to write them that way. (Genuinely. I know I'd worry if I saw that in a prompt, so let me assure you: It is more than fine to write Edvard/Barnaby slash.).

Exception to both characters being featured: As I mentioned, Barnaby is my absolute favorite. So long as he is featured, it's okay to not feature Edvard. That doesn't mean I don't want to see Edvard, just that it's okay if you'd prefer not to write about him.

Wants:  I really just want to see what happens next. That said, if you haven't finished the series yet - don't worry! I'm more than happy to read a story from earlier in the series. I'm a sucker for casefic, particularly detective fiction, so if you'd like to try your hand at that, I'd be a very happy recipient! I'd also love to read more about Barnaby in general, and perhaps something more about Edvard's past? And of course, there's worldbuilding - what is the world like, now? (Or what was it like, if you're writing from before the ending.) Oh, and references to other Oxventure stuff would be wonderful; I would love to see more than the few glimpses we got in canon.

Do Not Wants: Alternate Universes. So much of what I enjoy about this series is the setting. Explicit sex is fine, but no PWP, please, I prefer my porn with added plot. No mention of bodily fluids other than blood, semen or saliva in a sexual context. No body horror/permanent disfigurment. No permanent character deaths.

Robot Series - Isaac Asimov

R. Daneel Olivaw

Elijah Baley

Caves of Steel is probably my favorite novel of all time, but I adore all of these books. I am very fond of Daneel and Elijah. I find the world they inhabit fascinating, both the future society of Earth, and that of the Outer Worlds. As I love detective fiction, science fiction and especially robots, these stories may as well have been written specifically for me. Part of the appeal, for me, is how they manage to deliver both an entertaining mystery and heart-felt interpersonal drama in a world that feels real. Daneel is one of my favorite fictional characters; the way his empathy and personality shines through his programming and limitations. And Lije is the ultimate cynical, world-weary everyman - together, they are a pair of detectives that deserve to be up there with Holmes and Poirot.

Wants:  Casefic. Seriously, if you can write me casefic for this fandom, I will be delighted. A murder mystery would be fantastic. I do ship Daneel and Elijah, and I would love to read about the unresolved tension between them. Explicit sex would be great! World-building and exploring whichever location they are at, be itsomewhere on Earth or one of the Outer Worlds, or on a space ship or station, etc. Exploration of Daneel's character; Lije stuggling to come to terms with his feelings for him - preferably romantic feelings, but if you don't want to write that, feelings of deep friendship. Bickering and banter and held-back affection!

Do Not Wants: Daneel or Elijah paired with other characters. Canonical relationships are okay to mention or feature, so long as they are not the main focus of the story. Daneel or Elijah explicitly written to be straight. No mention of Elijah's death, please, and no mention of Daneel's ultimate fate - though a story reuniting them after Elijah's death would be more than welcome. No PWP, please, I prefer my porn with added plot. No hurt without comfort. No mention of bodily fluids other than blood, semen or saliva in a sexual context. No body horror/permanent disfigurment.

[brendaonao3]

if you're still accepting asks for the Top Gun meme: 1 & 4?

Hi there!!

Sure, I'm always down to talk about my favorite dysfunctional, awesome af pilots :D

For the Top Gun Ask Meme

1. Who’s your favorite character & why are they your fave?

Look, I'm not even going to pretend that I love these movies and this fandom for any reason other than one Pete Maverick Mitchell. (And he's not my fave just because I've been a TC fan idk, pretty much my entire life, either. :D)

But these movies WORK because Mav is a great protagonist. He's allowed to fail and fuck up and be fallible (how many other F words can I fit in this description :D), he's allowed to grow and change and be complicated and contradictory, but also allowed to be deeply empathetic and vulnerable and human. And because he's allowed to be all of those things, the characters around him are also allowed to be complex and real and sympathetic.

Mav's a character who tries so hard, who feels so deeply, who is desperate to just find that feeling of family and belonging that was stolen from him when his dad's plane was shot down & his mom died of grief soon after. Which is why he clings so hard to Goose, and Goose's memory (and Carole and Bradley) and why he bonds so hard with Ice after their mission rescuing the USS Layton, and why he has such loyalty to Ice and Hondo and the Darkstar Team and the Dagger Team - but he's also just a disaster of a person when it comes to personal relationships, and I love that, because it's also real and relatable.

Because when you have a main character who is allowed to be a three-dimensional person with a past and with insecurities and doubts and flaws, it makes the rest of the characters interesting and great, because it's all feeding off that synergy.

4. What’s your favorite ship?

IceMav IceMav IceMav - look, they're the reasons I got into the fandom in the first place, however many years ago it was when Yuletide started. And the weird thing is (as most people who know me would tell you) I am not at ALL a fan of Enemies to Lovers. Most of the time, if 2 characters truly hate each other onscreen, there's a good reason for it, and it's not a sexy reason that I think hate sex will fix. (Not that I'm against hate sex, mind you. But I'm not a person who thinks antagonism is really just sexual tension in hiding. YMMV of course, that's why fandom is awesome.)

Anyway, part of the reason I really love them together is that they never fit that Enemies To Lovers mold - Ice is Mav's rival for the Top Gun trophy, yes, but Ice is never a dick to Mav for the sake of being a dick (unlike Hangman with Rooster, for example). Ice pushes Mav because he can SEE that the way Mav flies is going to get someone killed one day (which it did :((( RIP GOOSE YOUR LEGACY LIVES ON) and Ice doesn't want to fly missions with anyone who doesn't think about the safety of his wingmen. And he's right, which is the other refreshing thing - the first film allowed both of them to be right and to grow and to see each other's side. (Ice even - in his very Ice-like way, bless him - tried to comfort Mav after Goose's death, which is still a God Tier scene in any movie, and I'm pretty sure I could write an entire manifesto on how brilliant that tiny scene was and how high it set the bar for the antagonist/protagonist relationship - but I digress.)

Anyway, you couple all of that with the history they have and the way they've looked out for each other, and how much they clearly love each other, and yeah, those two are the gold standard of OTP.

But - and at the risk of this being even longer than it is (sorry not sorry), I am also deeply invested in the Bradley Bradshaw/Happiness ship, however he gets there. That boy needs ten hugs (at least 8 of them from Mav), a long nap followed by an even longer vacation, and to be allowed to exist outside his dad's shadow, and be Team Leader on whatever mission he flies next. (Okay, and a blowjob probably wouldn't hurt - not picky about who gives it to him, you could make the case for pairing him with anyone in the cast and I'd read it.)

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

Pheromones

Fandom: Mass Effect

Collection/Series: N/A

Pairing: Selene Shepard x Garrus Vakarian

Writer: @writings-of-a-hufflepuff​ aka @hufflepuffing-all-day-long​

Rating: T - Suggestive themes but nothing NSFW

Warnings: N/A? I think (if i’m wrong let me know!)

Summary: Selene’s a little confused about something Javik says to her, she naturally asks her Turian boyfriend about it. 

Notes: Based off this conversation with Javik. I’ve never actually written Shakarian stuff in all my years of loving the ship. But, with Mass Effect: LE taking over my life, why not? 

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“So...Javik said something really...weird when I went to see him earlier.” 

It had been a long day; finding out Cerberus was turning people at Sanctuary into husks, seeing Miranda again, stopping her father from killing Oriana...it had taken a toll and then to come back and have a really bizarre conversation with their Prothean teammate? Well, Selene Shepard was glad to be back in a pair of yoga pants and a large jumper. 

If Selene was completely honest with herself she was exhausted. The war was taking its toll on her, all the responsibility that lay on her shoulders only seemed to be lightened by the support of her team and most importantly, Garrus. Her cybernetics had been bright and bold across her skin as of late, a sure sign that she was running out of steam. Despite the exhaustion, Javik's words weighed on her mind, confusing, curious and just a reminder of how alien he really was. 

Garrus came out of her, no, their shower, towel around his cowl, visor, no longer obscuring his face for once. God, it is so utterly domestic between the two of them now and something in her aches with the awareness that this might all be cut short, that domestic might never be a long term option for them. She hopes it will, hopes silently that they’ll get to retire somewhere, have a couple of kids, a varren or two, and life out their days into old age. 

“Weird? Weird to humans or...just weird?” The dual tone of his voice rings with curiosity. It had taken her two whole years of missions with him for her to actually get a good grasp on his subharmonics and even now there were things her weak human ears couldn’t quite pick up on, or even hear at all. 

She thought for a moment as Garrus sat down next to her on the bed, nuzzling his face between her shoulder and neck like he always did. It was something she’d taken as a turian sign of affection, the way his plates scratched at her skin and mandibles fluttered across her shoulder, she could only compare it to a human placing kisses down. A nuzzling that he never failed to do, whether they were standing and he had to bend over or they were sitting or lying down. 

Leaning into him with her eyes closed, she traces a hand across the plates on the back of his neck. “I...think it's just weird? He said he could tell we were ‘joined’ because of my...pheromones…” 

Garrus froze in his nuzzling, pulling back with his face plates drawn together, mandibles fluttering in confusion. “Well, yeah? I scent you all the time, been doing it since you agreed to be a one turian kind of woman. I thought...I mean I smell like you too…?”

“Scenting? I what?” Selene was decidedly confused, Garrus didn’t smell like her at all. In fact, the little scent that he had was of the more metallic and engine grease kind from spending all his time tinkering with things or modifying his sniper rifle. She certainly didn’t smell like him, not to her nose anyway. 

She pressed her face into his cowl and took a big, over exaggerated sniff. Nothing. He didn’t even smell like her shampoo or the jasmine soap she’d managed to find on the Citadel. Just...Garrus. 

Garrus chuckled, three fingered hand cupping her cheek, filed down talons grazing carefully across her skin to smooth out the furrow between her eyebrows.  

“Oh, right, you humans and your terrible sense of smell. Cute.” His grin flared his mandibles out wide, sharp teeth on show in a display of good humour.

“Garrus!” He liked getting a rise out of her, enjoyed seeing the pale skin of her cheeks turn as red as a Palaven sunset, something Turians just could not do. It was always so distinctly human, glaringly alien, but adorable. Not that many people would describe the Commander Shepard as adorable, but most people weren’t in a committed relationship with her...or he hoped most people weren’t. 

“Honey, it’s normal. We sleep together, we make love,” She groaned a little at the word choice as he returned to nuzzling underneath her neck, talons moving up and down her back in soothing motions, “we shower together, we go on every mission together, we spar together…” Selene can’t help the little moan that leaves her mouth as his breath warms across her skin before that tongue of his, blue and ridiculously dexterous, carves a path over her shoulder and up her throat, lingering on a spot behind her jaw that he knows all too well. 

“And turians are kind of known for scenting their partners.” 

“What does that even mean? Scenting? Like a cat? Are you marking your territory?” She’s never taken Garrus for being possessive, in fact, he was decidedly cool under pressure whenever someone decided to try it on with her. Occasionally he’d shift in a way that told people to back off, pressing his chest to her back, but that was only in instances where the person didn‘t know when to quit. Usually an overzealous asari or persistent human. The idea of him marking his territory, or even seeing her that way was kind of out of character to her, he just wasn’t like that. They were equals in everything they did. He was her person and she was his, one of them wasn’t more dominant in the relationship, they were partners. 

“Yes and no. You're not my territory, honey, don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you're a one turian kind of woman, but I trust you and I know you can handle yourself. It’s a habit really, an instinct. I’m surprised you don’t know, you do it too.”

It’s a relief to hear him say that. While she finds Garrus ridiculously hot when he goes all bad boy vigilante turian on someone, the raw power he exudes is something else entirely, something different that starts a fire in her belly, she also doesn’t want to be seen as an object or possession. 

“I do?” They’ve gravitated, as they always do, towards each other. Selene finds herself curled up in Garrus’ lap, arms wrapped around his cowl and nose pressed to the junction of his neck, pressing light little kisses there had become a favourite pastime of hers. Calming, soothing. 

“Mmm...all the time, that little nuzzling thing you’re doing?” She pulls back, startled, eyebrows almost comically high and red still tinting her cheeks, “Yeah, I thought you were just a little possessive, but maybe this is one of those interspecies miscommunication things, huh?”  

“I...oh.” She curls back into his neck, bashful in a way no one else sees. Garrus enjoys seeing her like this, out of her element but trusting, seeking comfort in him even as he’s the source of her embarrassment. Their relationship is unconventional and with it has come embarrassment and nerves from both sides, but it’s the trust in him, and his trust in her that’s made it work, that makes it worthwhile. 

He runs his fingers through the red of her hair, the strands soft and silky, a sensation that he still finds fascinating all this time on and one that he knows she finds soothing. He can only compare it to how he feels when she caresses underneath his fringe. 

“So is that why that C-Sec officer stopped flirting with me every chance he got?” She thinks of the dark brown turian, bright orange markings across his face. Before she’d seen Garrus again, before they’d rekindled their relationship, he’d been determined to flirt with her, no matter how many times she politely turned him down. He’d since stopped, his tone always overly polite and formal, nervous even. She’d assumed Bailey had given him a dressing down, but...maybe not. 

“Mmm, probably.” His chest rumbles with the hum, soothing and deep, reverberations running through her, “Most turians aren’t going to flirt with a taken woman, ever seen two turians get into a proper fist fight? It’s more claws and teeth than anything else.” No turian wanted to get into a fight over someone they had a passing fancy for, that Garrus knew for a fact, best to leave someone alone if they were clearly in a relationship.

“Would you? If someone tried it on?” She’s curious, deeply so. Part of her wants to know he would, but part of her wants to know that he’d think about it, and take his time to decide if it was necessary. Garrus had always had a bit of a temper, quick and righteous and determined to put things right. But, he’d mellowed with age, with her nagging him and convincing him to spare people who’d wronged him and others. He was more calculating these days. 

“Depends.” A hand falls to her waist, circles being rubbed into the skin underneath her jumper, absent minded and soothing as his blue eyes look to the skylight above her bed, staring out at the stars. Contemplating his next words.

“On?” She leans up to press a kiss underneath his chin, the soft exposed skin tempting her.

“Do you want me to? How badly are they trying to get into your pants? Are you in danger? Do you need me to? Is it someone I know and despise?” His voice rumbles in his throat, she feels the vibrations against her lips and ringing through her ears. That was something about being with a turian that she loved, the subharmonics were soothing to her ear, the rumble that always seemed to roll through his body was comforting. She wouldn’t call it a purr, mostly because Garrus would fix her with that look, narrowed eyes, mandibles drawn tight against his face. He’d probably go back to calibrating the guns for a week or two straight. God, she hated that. 

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t fight for my honour?” She’s teasing him, but she can still feel him tense up. Her lack of subharmonics tended to confuse him whenever she joked and he couldn’t see her face. 

Taking pity on him Selene pulls back so he can see the amused little smirk that tugs at the corner of her mouth, freckles scrunching up across her cheeks and nose. 

“I...you’re messing with me aren’t you?” There’a a palpable sigh of relief from him as his shoulders relax and he rolls his neck before pinning her with a playful glare, huffing through his nose at her. He’s the only person she can truly be playful with and she knows he enjoys it, the closeness of their relationship isn’t lost on either of them. He makes her feel less tired, more alive, younger, even if it's for a brief moment before reality crashes back down again. 

“Yeah, just a little, big guy.” She tugs his face down gently by a scarred mandible, he follows easily, putting himself in reach so that she can press a kiss to his cheek, across the blue colony markings that are oh so familiar to her. Affection with Garrus is easy: “I love you, but I don’t need you tearing someone’s throat out for me...unless it’s Kai Leng, you can tear his throat out.” 

The assassin was a thorn in her side and she was close to snapping, her usual restraint and desire to talk things through was failing. She wouldn’t negotiate or talk with Kai Leng. If she finally got the chance...well, he probably wouldn’t be recognisable afterwards. 

“Oh, I'm tempted, believe me. There’s nothing I'd like more than to put every ounce of my anger and hatred into beating Kai Leng into a bloody pulp. Buuuut, I think you deserve the satisfaction yourself.”

“I love you, you know that right? Even if I'm walking around stinking like a turian vigilante.” She caresses the lengths of his crest and underneath, scratching short nails against the soft skin there and the purr, because it is a purr, that rumbles from his chest is almost as satisfying as the thought of finally getting revenge on Kai Leng.

“Reaper Advisor actually.” He brushes his cheek against hers, hard plates brushing against soft skin, gently, not hard enough to chafe or rub. “I love you too, even if I'm walking around stinking like a self-sacrificing human spectre.”

[drivingsideways]

Hey talk to me about your top three favourite kdrama women. What makes them special? What's a fic you would like to write about any one of them?

Mystery anon! :D What a lovely ask. 

I’m going to cheat a bit and divide my answer into characters I loved a lot, but do not want to write fic about, because I think the canon gives me what I need; and characters that I loved a lot but NEED TO BE RESCUED ZOMG.  (My fic writing impulses are 50% spite and 50% fix-it )

Caveat being that I’ve still watched only maybe a dozen kdramas, so I’m pretty limited in my knowledge!

Characters that I love a lot, but have very zero fic impulses toward:

Han Yeo-jin from Stranger/Secret Forest: What a delight! What an iconique character! Is there anyone like her? NO. LSY-nim gives us a delightfully complex character, and Bae Doona knocks it out of the park in every single scene, so I’m just happy to be along for the ride. I think what makes Yeo-jin special for me is the intrinsic place of empathy that she operates from.  I think “righteous” is a word that often comes with negative connotations (self-righteous, for eg), but I do think she’s one of the most righteous-in-the-good-way characters I’ve watched in kdrama or any drama. I’m tired of stories that portray goodness as “boring” , as unworthy of narrative breadth or depth, and I love that Han Yeo-jin comes to us like a breath of fresh air in our particular dystopian narratives hellscape. She’s good, but never naive. She’s righteous but never cruel in her moral certainties.  I think that LSY nim, in the second season especially, gave Yeo-jin the kind of arc that character deserved when she’s forced to really dig deep into herself to figure out how she’s going to live in the world in the face of a deeply cutting, deeply personal disillusionment, and I’m really hoping for an S3 to see how that plays out further. 

Goo Hae-ryung from Rookie Historian: Ok, I will admit this may be rose tinted glasses view due to this show being my gateway drug into kdrama, but c’mon! She’s a reader! and a Thinker! And loves her wine! She’s plucky! She’s cute! She’s got a wry sense of humour! She’s got principles! She’s got a solid common sense to her that somehow doesn’t get in the way of her dreaming BIG! Oh dear, doesn’t she sound like the Mary-est of Mary Sues? Good for her.gif,  I say! Anyways, Shin Se-kyung is unutterably charming in this (AS IN EVERY SHOW OMG GIRL) and I just have a huge fondness for free-spirited heroines who get to tramp through the narrative changing the world as they do! 

Lee Ji-an from My Ahjussi: I’ve never had my heart broken more OR restored by any single character. IU is *phenomenal * in this, I think she really stepped up to what the script demanded from her. Ji-an’s weariness, her fear and vulnerability, her prickliness, her anger and her bitterness, and how, despite everything, she fights : GOD. Just. Again, what I love about the writing in this show is that it’s deeply empathetic without being cloyingly sentimental. I think a less, hmm, imaginative writer/PD might have focused on the Lee Ji-an the victim, and while the show definitely tells you in no uncertain terms that she is one,  of both circumstances and a cruel society, I think it refuses to take away her agency over her own life.(Lee Ji-an when we meet her is too busy hanging onto life by tooth and claw to indulge in self-pity, but we also see the toll it takes on her not to be able to say “this is too heavy a burden for me to carry myself and it isn’t my fault”; the show I think approaches Dong-hoon from the opposite side- his emotional isolation is partly a result of his own choices, but he doesn’t see it yet, and so his journey is also about letting people in and sharing the burden, but also recovering his own agency over his life. It’s an interestingly gender-bent arc, which is one of the things I love about this show. )

Ok, can I please add one more?

Hwang Han-joo from Melo is my Nature: She just felt SO real to me. She’s someone who doesn’t have the spectacular brilliance of either Jin-joo or Eun-jung, and struggles with accepting her limitations but not allowing herself to be defeated by them? I love her struggles as a mother, as a working woman in a sexist industry, a woman who’s perhaps having to rethink and reimagine what she wants from romance. I love that she’s a little silly, a lot kind, and an optimist, and just. I just think she’s the bravest of the three, tbh, and I LOVE HER AND I WOULD WATCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT JUST HER (i shouldn’t have faves among the three i know, BUT I DO, IT’S HER, IT’S HER.)

Ok! On to the next section! And I’m going to cheat again because I can’t stop at three. SORRY. NOT SORRY. 

Characters I love and SHOULD write fic for if I weren’t such a tired and lazy bunny:  

Song Sa-hui from Rookie Historian: Oh, girl, girl, GIRL. I love how she fights to snatch her freedom from the jaws of the patriarchy. I love that she unapologetically centers herself while doing that, because she knows that nobody else will.  I love that she’s prickly and calculating. I love that she’s smart and knowledgeable. I am SO HAPPY that she got to carve out a little bit of freedom for herself, even if it also is exile to some degree. She *should * be Emperor Jin’s Prime Minister and steering the ship of state, while also carrying on a tumultous affair with Queen Min Woo-hee, while ALSO commiserating with Emperor Jin about his boyfriend Historian Min Woo-won’s regrettable tendency towards Principles (TM) and masochism-but-not-in-the-fun-way. (This takes up much of his time which is why Song Sa-hui is running the country, of course. It works out well for all concerned, well, except her dad, of course.)

Song Ga-gyeong from Search:WWW: What’s NOT to love about our brilliant, beautiful, emotionally tortured gay icon? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I loved how the show allowed her to be flawed and make bad decisions, and then allowed her to make better decisions and regain control of her life. What I do need to do, of course, is see the CANON LOVE STORY between her and Cha Hyeon through to the end. It must, of course, include at least one baseball game, a lot of tequila and messy beach kisses. 

Oh Ji-hwa from Beyond Evil: Oh boy, this year’s runaway hit cleared the extremely low bar for standard crime/ thriller shows by leaving more than one of its female characters breathing and with all limbs intact, and got called feminist for it BUT it didn’t do justice to any of them in any meaningful way and that never hurt more than in the way they sidelined Kim Shin-rok’s talent by not giving Oh Ji-hwa anything much to do. She’s a tough as nails cop, a loving sister, a devoted but unsentimental friend-and by rights SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HEROINE OF THIS SHOW. My secret fic fantasy is to rewrite the show entirely by making her , and the two other female characters in non-antagonist roles- Yoo Jae-yi and Im Sun-nyeo- as the central characters, as they investigate a serial killer who targets women.  It’s the only acceptable version of this done-to-death (ha!) genre, I have no idea what the Baeksang jury and tumblr fandom is smoking when they hype the show so much, I want none of it. 

Jung Sun-ah from The Devil Judge: I love her rage, her spite, her passionate defense of women, her style, her sexiness, her rage, her rage, her brilliance, her tenaciousness, her smartness, her clothes, her refusal to hate herself for everything she is and chooses to be, her ambition, her comfort wielding power, her EVERYTHING. Dead, her? NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. Here’s what *really * happened at the end of canon- she gets out of the building by planting that lady-like but still deadly gun against Kang Yo-han’s temple and making him lead her through his own “secret escape route” or whatever the fuck it was the show wanted us to believe. From there on out, it’s all sunshine and beaches, and scheming and waiting for the right moment to strike again-though of course, this time around, she also has to reckon with vigilant, tenacious cop Soo-hyun -another character who REALLY didn’t die for manpain reasons and had the good sense to leave her gay best friend to follow his psychopath boyfriend to Switzerland or wherever it is that star crossed lovers in kdrama land meet up on the regs these days- anyways, Soo-hyun and her are in this catch-me-if-you-can epic transnational honest and cute cop-and-beautiful sexy villain chase and yes, they WILL kiss (and more) AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS. 

*whew *

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

[ljf613]

tell me more about freed x mirajane please!!

Wait, someone actually wants me to talk about one of my favorite rarepair ships? One that hardly anyone ships anymore? Really? What a hardship..... I kid, I kid.

Anyhoo, I absolutely LOVE MiraFreed. It all started back when I first watched their fight scene in episode 45 (which to this day remains one of my favorite fight scenes in the entire series), as well as their interactions in its aftermath. I'm sorry, but I CANNOT see THIS scene

as anything but deeply romantic.

And it's not even about a woman "saving" a man-- it's about a broken, lonely individual recognizing a kindred sprit and reaching out to him.

Because all of the things Mirajane says to Freed in this scene? "It's not bad to rely on just one person, but realize that you're surrounded by friends?" "When people realize that they're lonely, they become kind?" She's not just talking to Freed-- she's talking to herself.

As we come to discover later in the series, Mira's dark powers have led to her being hated and feared and isolated from everyone but her siblings. And for the longest time, she clung to those feelings, rejecting everyone but them.

And then...... she lost Lisanna. In one fell swoop, she lost her sister to death, her powers to grief, and her brother to guilt. And suddenly, she was lonely.

And so she became kind.

We really don't know much about Freed's backstory. We know he doesn't seem to trust or rely on anyone but Laxus (and, by extension, the other members of the Raijinshū), and that's about it.

But we know that his powers are dark. And we've seen in Mirajane's story how dark magic wielders are often treated. It's not hard to imagine that he probably went through something similar, something Laxus likely saved him from.

And like Mira, he clung to his savior, rejecting everyone else around him.

And in this moment, Mirajane sees all of that. She looks at this person-- someone she barely knows and yet still considers one of her Fairy Tail comrades, someone she's just battled with, someone who only minutes ago she watched torture the person she loves more than anyone else in the world-- and she sees herself.

And so she holds out her hands, and he takes them.

This broken, lonely man looks at what he's become, realizes that this isn't what he wants, sees someone reaching to him, and allows himself to cry-- to be vulnerable-- around someone else, probably for the first time.

It's a beautiful and touching and meaningful scene (the epitome of self-indulgent hurt/comfort, if you will), made even more adorable by the fact that it ends with them agreeing to go to the Fantasia festival together the next year. (Ooh! A Date!) (Which didn't end up happening because Tenrou, and then the guild got disbanded before the next Fantasia after that, but maybe during that gap year in the epilogue?)

And then at the end of the arc, we get another cute shot of the two of them:

(Look at those sweet smiles!)

And then....... we never really see them interacting again.

Which isn't so surprising, actually. They're both fairly minor characters, and I could write a book on the many, many relationships (both romantic and platonic) that came up in the early arcs were just.... abandoned post-Tenrou (which is a whole 'nother rant). (And that's aside from the character assassination Freed went through, both in the series itself and in the fanbase, which is another 'nother rant I may delve further into at a later time.)

In any case, there were a lot of people who, like me, did start shipping MiraFreed during this arc, but pretty much forgot about it due to lack of canon crumbs. (Yours truly included-- I started shipping them in 2014 (when I first discovered Fairy Tail, way before I got into fandom or shipping culture), and then basically forgot about them entirely until I saw a post about them a couple of months ago and was suddenly like ".......wait, them! I like them!")

Luckily, the beauty of fandom is that we can create the content we wish to see in the world! I've got about six pages of great Mirafreed content that can be found here, including a lyric edit I made the other day. (I'm working on another one now, not to mention the story I'm working on for Freed Day (November 17th!), which will have some background MiraFreed, though not as the main focus of the fic.)

TL;DR: MiraFreed is a really sweet ship with a lot of wasted potential, which can cetainly be corrected in fanworks.

[nildespirandum]

What are your thoughts on the Loki series? I really wanted to like it, but I found Loki’s characterization disappointing, honestly.

Ok, even though I feel a little bit like you tossed a live grenade onto my lap with this question I am going to answer it, especially now that the fandom war seems to have entered the cold war phase. I have friends in both armies and respect all of them, if I agree with them on all points or not.

Just remember, you asked for this, because I have been thinking about this for a long time now.

Because unlike most of the people discussing the series I neither loved it and thought it was amazing and great, nor did I hate it and think it was terrible and devastating and miserable. My view of Loki is not terribly concerned with his dignity, but it is also not comfortable with his being treated as inept so many situations, which is a big part of why I fall down in the middle about the show.

There are two over arching themes in the show that I find fascinating. The idea of the metaphor and the idea of every character in the show being a villain.

The problem - again, this is strictly my deeply subjective opinion - is that taking a twelve episode show concept that wants to consider deep ideas and mashing it into six episodes because of Covid and because Marvel needed that season to have certain moving parts to set up for the next phase was never going to work out right. That they managed to come up with anything coherent under those circumstances is borderline a miracle. But taking a twelve episode saunter and turning into a six episode speed run nuance will be lost.

For instance about villainy and the idea that every villain is a hero in their own mind (which is certainly the case with Sylvie, with the rank and file of the TVA, and with HWRs) is definitely something the show wants to examine. It never has time. All of that gets crammed into the end of episode four, a little bit of five, and then six. That only Loki and HWRs recognize they have done villainous things (I am not going to get into Loki's role as a 'villain' because that needs more space than even I am willing to go into here), is also interesting to me, and again, never gets dealt with.

Then there are the metaphors. So many, many metaphors. Metaphors for love. Metaphors for self-acceptance. Metaphors for the cold, unrelenting cruelty of time and what it steals from us. Metaphors for metaphors. Basically, I think the show runners sometimes got a BIT distracted by how clever they were.

As far as the ships, I have no boat in this regatta, but long may you all sail. I will say I don't see Lokius at all. And I could see Sylkie, I might even like Sylkie, but I feel like if you don't have enough time to have them properly fall in love - and I am sorry but they are together for what, on the generous side maybe fifteen hours entirely - then their relationship really is only a kind of on the nose metaphor for self-love and nothing else. They kind of wanted to have it both ways, with them falling in love because they are the same AND having them be clearly not the same, but neither the show's running time nor the in show clock allow for anything else.

(BTW, I think a line that gives away that they were originally supposed to be together way longer than that, like possibly bopping around through time ahead of the TVA for a quite a while is when Loki says something to Sylvie about her still not trusting him 'after all of this time. ' WHAT all of this time? )

Ok, this going on too long, so a last few things.

I like Mobius, but he is cop. If you watch the character as a cop, saying and doing anything he can to get Loki to do what he wants it doesn't make him more palatable when he gaslights and in one point actually tortures him, but it makes him make more sense. He is deeply likeable, deeply shitty (I believe two things should be true), clearly does not like the fact that he doesn't actually get Loki despite all of his research, and he really should have apologized to him.

I like Sylvie. I like that we get a female character who is feral and smart and survivor, and also an epic fuck up. Seriously, she FORGOT to charge the one tempad that she kept to use? In fact, she only kept ONE tempad? That level of self-sabotage is very Loki, no matter what she calls herself. I loved her when she 'self-pruned' - that scene made me cheer, and I hated her when I saw her enchanting people, which I think is a cruel power. Also, that memory with Hunter C-20? They were on a date and no one can tell me otherwise.

Oh, and on a purely personal note, as a Logyn shipper, I feel like Sylvie to me has strong Angrboda vibes. I love Angrboda.

Finally, Loki.

Ok, Loki is my favorite character. Ever. In anything. And I had... issues with some of how he is portrayed. I think Tom did an excellent job, I think as an actor he is incapable of anything less, so I am not talking about that. Loki is normally the biggest character in any scene he is in, the only exception being in Ragnarok when he is with the Grandmaster (a rant for another day) and in the Loki series he is not, which is a problem because Loki is why we are here. I had no problem with him being stripped down, unarmored, etc. We see a lot of his more subtle strengths. He figures out where the Variant that all of the TVA has been chasing for hundreds of years in an hour looking at like three files. He recognizes Sylvie using enchantments to possess people right away. He has that amazing moment with the falling building. He sees beyond his own wants and the needs of the person he has come to care about to realize that the problems of two people don't matter a hill of beans in this crazy multiverse, having a true hero moment at the end.

That is all fine.

And he is also ridiculous in parts, drunk, disorderly, releasing goats, trying deceptions he knows won't work. And that is all fine too. He is finally being a trickster and tricksters are rarely worried about their dignity, and they are NEVER worried about anyone elses. So I am fine with all of that.

BUT at the same time, he spends a lot of time being the observer, a lot of time sitting in for the role of the audience and I feel like that diminishes him pretty badly. Loki is not a human being. He a thousand year old + demigod wizard and not allowing him any grandeur, not allowing him to really let loose at any point, keeping him from finishing the kind of hero journey that starts with him losing everything where he would need to come full circle and decide for himself what of that person he was before is worth keeping and what is best left behind is frankly a little heartbreaking.

I loved Richard E. Grant, but I loved him long before the show.

I loved the design and the soundtrack. Both were amazing.

Ok, if anyone has questions about specific things I didn't address I will be happy to answer, but please be civil. I know there for a lot of fans they deeply identify with Loki and so they are dealing with a personal emotion fallout that I don't feel qualified to speak to, since that is not my experience with the character.

Thank you to anyone who read this whole thing.

[with-my-murder-flute]

Hi everybody, thanks for the asks letting me know I made the top of @yusuftiddies’ list of Homophobes in TOG Fandom, you can stop sending them now.

So.

I can make mistakes and fuck up and own that. I am serious about listening to marginalized people. But... in this case, while @yusufstiddies generally describes factual events that happened and factual posts that exist, I have to say that I can’t actually apologize for the things I’m called out for because I don’t think they’re homophobic. The things he criticizes me for are things that come from a lot of personal experience as a queer bisexual cis woman, as well as a lot of reflection, research, and study. I believe in them really strongly and stand by them.

I’m really sorry if this makes TOG fandom too hostile, because it is not my intention to make this place so unpleasant that anyone feels driven out. I understand if my stance means people no longer want to follow me/read my stuff/participate in projects I’m involved with (though I’d rather hand off the Research Hub to someone else than see it go down with me). I’m posting this so people can know where they stand before they decide whether to keep interacting with my blog, or “deplatform” me as @yusufstiddies recommends.

I would recommend, for anyone who doesn’t want to see my posts, using Tumblr’s new post content filtering feature. If you type a username (like star-anise or with-my-murder-flute) into it, Tumblr will hide all posts featuring that specific string of characters, and therefore any post or reblog of mine.

To address the accusations against me:

I am an anti-anti: Yes. I’ve reblogged posts of mine about this before. I care passionately about preventing child abuse, but I think there are better ways to prevent child abuse in fandom (like concrete harassment policies so predatory behaviour can be reported and stopped early, and education about digital consent and healthy relationships) than attacking people who write “bad ships,” not least because the first people it hurts are abuse survivors trying to work through their trauma, and because the research says you cannot actually tell who’s a sexual predator based on what they write about.  Fiction affects reality, but not on a 1:1 basis. My mainblog, @star-anise, has a really extensive archive of my writing on the subject.

I said cishet men aren’t more privileged than gay men: Kinda. What I actually did was question whether Every Single Cishet Man benefits from more privilege than Every Single Gay Man. If a man is cishet but gets beaten up because people perceive him as gay, he’s not exactly feeling the warm toasty glow of heterosexual privilege in that moment. Oppression is complicated and there are times when someone’s lack of privilege on one axis is way less important than someone else’s lack of privilege on another axis.

The post above also includes me reblogging someone else’s addition about how straight men can be included in the queer movement: I’m queer. @yusufstiddies has made it very clear that he isn’t comfortable with the word “queer” and doesn’t like it. Therefore I think it’s understandable that he might not understand that the queer community sees ourselves as a coalition of people dedicated to dismantling the structures of sex and gender that oppress us, not a demographic of people whose gender identities or sexual orientations can be neatly mapped. However, I would say that doesn’t make queer theory inherently homophobic.

There are also some related points @yusufstiddies didn’t level at me specifically, but I would like to address:

The constant focus on the unsafeness of cishet people:

I’m not cishet. I’m a bisexual woman who’s dated women. Sixth-light is a queer woman married to a woman. This is not an issue of non-LGBTQ+ people blundering their way into something they don’t experience the daily consequences of. This is an issue of people from WITHIN the LGBTQ+ community who sincerely disagree with @yusufstiddies about the pressures we experience and how best to deal with them. I think that even if @yusufstiddies were to filter his fiction input to only LGBT-written work about LGBT experiences, or even only trans-written work about trans people, he would still find a lot of things he finds upsetting or transphobic, because sexual and gender identities are really diverse and not everything will suit one person.

The contention that saying “’Queer is a slur’ is TERF propaganda” is transmisogyny because it dilutes the definition of “TERF”:

People who point out the phrase is TERF propaganda are not calling every person who says it a TERF, and we are not trying to argue that telling a queer person that queer is a slur is inherently equal to the kind of damage a TERF does when she attacks a trans woman out of transphobia. Queer people being able to use the word “queer” does not have the same importance as trans women being able to live, work, and survive in public. Rather, we are literally saying, “This is a thing TERFs say when they take a break from attacking trans women and try to recruit new members to their group, so it’s in our best interests to not give it too wide a currency.”

Some people have experienced the word “queer” used as a hateful word hurled against them and don’t want to hear it ever again. I get that. It happens. Where I grew up, “gay” was a synonym for “shitty” and it took me a lot of years out of high school before the word “gay” wouldn’t shoot my blood pressure through the roof.  I actually do understand that and think that’s valid (and again, support using post content filtering for that word).

One of the things I do at @star-anise is argue with young people who are headed into full-on transmisogynistic TERF territory, and work at reeling them back and deradicalizing them. I use a tag called “weedwhacking” so my followers can filter out the sometimes lengthy back-and-forths we get going.

Something I’ve learned, interacting with so many TERFs and proto-TERFs, is that one way they frequently get recruited into harassing trans people was through discourse around the word “queer”. For one, it encouraged them to want to distance themselves from any perception of LGBT people as “weird” or “not normal”, which led to seeing trans people as “weird” and “not normal” and therefore not good members of the “gay pride” community. For two, repeating “queer is a slur” predictably causes a lot of queer people to react in a defensive manner, so by teaching young or new people to say it, TERFs can set them up to feel alienated from the larger LGBTQ+ community and more open to TERF propaganda.

The next issue isn’t mentioned in the original callout post, but I think it’s key to this entire issue:

@yusufstiddies has made several posts about what cishet people should and shouldn’t write. For example, cishets shouldn’t write Nicky experiencing internalized homophobia.  Another is a detailed post of things cishets shouldn’t write about trans people, including which sexual positions only trans people are allowed to write. I would imagine that part of his frustration with fandom has been the lack of traction those posts have gotten. I know I very deliberately didn’t reblog them.

That isn’t because I don’t agree that the things he complains about are rarely handled well by cishet authors. I agree that there’s a lot of bad fic out there that contributes to negative stereotypes against LGBTQ+ people and is basically a microaggression to read.

I have two very deeply-seated reasons for my position:

LGBTQ+ identities are different from many other political identities because most people are not born identifiably LGBTQ+. It’s something we have to figure out about ourselves. And one really important way that we do that is using the safety of fiction to explore what an experience would be like, sometimes years before we ever admit that we fit the identity we’ve written about. So banning cishet authors from writing something is really likely to harm closeted and questioning LGBTQ+ people. It will lengthen the amount of time questioning people take before finding the identity that really fits them, and force closeted people to be even more closeted. 

There’s a lot of undeniably shitty stuff in fandom. However, I fundamentally believe that trying to target the people creating it and forcing them to stop doesn’t work very well, and has the serious byproduct of killing the creativity and enthusiasm of the rest of fandom and resulting in less of the actual thing you like being produced. I think that it is infinitely more productive to focus on improving the ratio of good stuff in fandom than trying to snuff out every bad thing.

Like I said: I understand if this means former followers, mutuals, or friends no longer want to interact with me. I’ll be saddened, but I’ve obviously chosen this path and can deal with the consequences. 

I wish this could have worked out differently.

[fandom-necromancer]

Let your Warmth melt my Ice

You all know I like emotional destruction, right? Well strap in, because this post by the amazing @nock-and-bolt hit me right in the feels. Had to write a short to it. Also tagging @janjan-the-ninth because they said so XD Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: Temporary character death, grief, misunderstanding)

[Warning: Critical damage detected. Shutdown imminent.]

Nines was already on the ground by the time he had realised those bullets had indeed hit him and that there had been more enemies than anticipated as he had rushed in. He still heard the gunshots around him, the people shouting, barking orders and screaming in pain. His systems were still busy locating each position and making tactical calculations based on this information. Still prompting him to continue, to shield his friends and protect them. Apparently, his systems hadn’t caught up with the fact that he was minutes from death. True death. This body wasn’t able to function anymore and the loss of Thirium meant his hardware would run hot and eventually melt. There was no way for him to survive this.

His fingers started to spasm from wires shortcutting. His vision glitched and his analysis program darted from one detail to the next. Was there still gunfire? It was hard to concentrate, to filter sensory information and not get lost in a confusing mess of signalling. He felt how some non-vital systems began to shut off and left his mind a little less crowded, a little less confusing. Gavin, his thoughts managed to form conscious words again. Where was he? Was he safe? He tried saying the name, forming it with his voicebox but never hearing it as his auditory systems malfunctioned briefly. Next were his legs and torso, but he never regained feeling there. He was about to try again, as a face appeared in his vision.

‘Nines? Nines!’ Those words were like balm on his soul. Those special sounds only the human could speak like that, this special melody they used to create meaning. This name he had been given by the same person that meant so much to him. ‘Nines! Can you hear me? Nines?’ The android registered he was lifted up by Gavin and propped against a wall. He could see the human touch his wounds and press his hands on them as if that would help in any way. ‘Nines! Phcking asshole, say something!’ Nines tried once again to say his name, but his voicebox was already damaged, only static making it out of the small speaker. If anything, it made the human even more anxious. ‘Nines. Nines, phck!’

[Warning: Commencing Shutdown. Begin upload?]

Upload. Right. Nines knew it was likely for nothing. He was the only model ever produced and therefore unique. But still, an upload of his memories and personality matrix was something to continue living with. If what they did was living and if their programming was a soul like most humans were proclaiming, then maybe the upload could safe him. Keep him alive, even if there was no immediate body to switch to. Maybe someone valued him enough to rebuild or design anew.

Gavin certainly would.

Gavin.

[Upload started… 1%]

‘Nines, what’s going on? Your LED flickers! What- No.’ Nines managed to lift his eyes to the human’s face. He was kneeling next to him, holding him upright against the wall and trying frantically to stop the blood flow. If he had been human, it might have worked. ‘No, no, no, you are not dying! You are not!’ His face showed despair, shock, pain. All for him. All Nines had ever wanted for him was to be happy. Now he was the reason he wasn’t.

[Upload at 26%]

Nines didn’t want to see him like this. Nines wanted to see his smile again. Those green eyes sparkling in the light of the sun when they spent their break outside on the bench. He wanted to hold his human and comfort him. He wanted to be there for him. He wanted to make sure he was safe on future missions. He wanted to reach the day when he could finally tell him what he was sure Gavin never wanted to hear. He wanted to… do so many things. ‘Nines! Please. Tell me what to do! Cyberlife’s contacted, Jericho too. Help’s on the way. Hold on. Stay with me.’ There were tears on the man’s face as he swallowed and looked at him in panic. Don’t panic, Nines wanted to say. You will live, he thought. I protected you. But those words were never spoken.

[Upload at 63%]

Nines felt more and more systems shut down due to overheating and misfiring of vital sensors. It wasn’t long now, and he needed his last moments to remember. His eyes had never left Gavin’s, but now the android tried to form a smile on his face that he hoped to express everything it needed to. Hoping that it would calm down the human and be how he remembered him. As long as he still could, Nines lifted his arm and hated how it jerked back and forth and never reached its goal. His motor control was malfunctioning and the servo itself too damaged to work at full capacity. Nines’ arm hovered over his chest, reaching for Gavin’s face. Thankfully the human got the message and took his arm to help him direct it so his hand cupped his cheek.

Warm. Nines had been fascinated from the start how warm humans could be. Like they were constantly overheating and radiating their energy into the world. Those creatures couldn’t be described better in his eyes. Exhaling love with every breath and being compassionate beings always looking out for the wellbeing of others, even when the person was described as an asshole, like Gavin. Gavin cared. He was just hurt one too many times and now Nines would add to it.

[Upload at 82%]

‘Nines! Nines, stay with me.’ Nines followed a tear that was rolling down from Gavin’s cheek and stopped as it hid his hand. His robotic hand. He hadn’t realised his skin had retracted, but he was showing off his white plastic hull on his entire body by now. When had that process shut down? ‘You bastard! Stay with me! Don’t you dare phcking dying on me!’ The android felt how he lost power over his body and sacked down, but Gavin was reacting fast, catching him and holding him in his arms. The man grabbed his arm and pulled it over Nines’ chest. ‘Nines! I swear, if you die on me, I will kill you!’ Could he still do that, Nines would have laughed. Only Gavin would curse at him, threaten him in his dying seconds.

[Upload at 96% Shutdown imminent]

Nine’s vision was getting hazy, static filling it and only leaving him his area of focus: Gavin’s panicked face. He couldn’t feel the warmth of Gavin’s touch anymore, could only see and hear. ‘Nines, please. Please, I need you, you plastic prick! Don’t you dare do this to me!’

[Upload finished. Shutting down…]

Gavin lifted him to his chest and buried his face in Nines’ drenched clothes. ‘You can’t leave me, you phcking asshole! Because I… I love you.’

Nines hadn’t had any more time to process this.

[Shutdown]

-

Gavin’s day had been completely normal. It was surprising how normal his days had been lately. People around him were chatting, laughing at each other’s jokes and discussing the new shop around the corner. He was driving through a city that continued life as usual whenever he got to work or back home. Crime scenes were coming up and vanishing, cases came and went. Reports were written and evidence filed. But the chair in front of Gavin stayed empty. The terminal remained switched off.

All the little trinkets Nines had gathered on his desk and considered skilful decoration gathered dust. No one had the heart to put them away. Just as no one had thought to hire a new person. Not when there still was a chance that Nines could come back. Gavin looked down on his hands that mindlessly fidgeted with a small ring. Normally shining blue, yellow or lastly red, it was now just a dark circle in white plastic. But it was something to cling to, something to remember. Just in case. Just in case Nines didn’t come-

No. No, he had to. The android had uploaded his personality to Cyberlife as a failsafe. And although there was no body for him, Jericho had bullied the company to build a new one. With the blow Cyberlife had to take to their image, it hadn’t taken much. Gavin had hope they could make it. Maybe it was all he had. In any scenario, he had never thought for the android to die first. Almost completely bullet proof, the chance of him dying… Well, Gavin had considered it zero at this point. That was about the only reason he hadn’t said what he told the dying android long ago. Thinking they had time…

He sighed deeply, looking over to his mug and tilting it a bit to look inside. Empty. Of course. He groaned. He really didn’t want to get out of his chair. He had no motivation for anything anymore and even a trip to the breakroom could as well had been a journey around the earth. The more surprised he was as a new mug was placed next to his. Steaming and filled to the rim. Gavin looked at it, brain lagging behind. The hand that was holding the handle lingered for just a second, then retracted. Gavin’s eyes followed the movement and were directed to a white uniform. Black details at the opening and the pockets, a ridiculously high collar and then… That stupidly beautiful face.

Gavin’s throat went dry. ‘Nines?’, he croaked disbelievingly. ‘Are you… phck, are you Nines?’ The android in front of him lowered his head a bit, then nodded. ‘Yes. It’s me. Cyberlife rebuild my body and I thought to return to work as soon as possible. I left you long enough with both our-‘ He couldn’t finish, as Gavin stood up and grabbed him by the jacket to push him against the glass separating the desk from the hallway. ‘You asshole died in my arm and all you can think about is work?’ He let go of the android, swallowing his emotions. Damn, the android had just returned from the dead, he should be happy. ‘I… I’m sorry for the trauma I’ve caused you. I’m fine again. I just thought we could get back to normal?’

Gavin looked at the android and swallowed for real this time. Hell, how would dying feel like? All Gavin wanted to do is shake Nines and tell him how relieved he was and how good it was to see him again and how bad he managed living on without him and also ask how he felt about what Gavin had asked him in the very end. Because he was ready to make up excuses for that, if the android didn’t feel that way and oh would it help him if Nines felt the same…

But exactly how Gavin managed trauma like that – with his thoughts running at hundred miles an hour and his only reaction anger and brashness – Nines might need the exact opposite: Calmness and time to think and reset. He was an android after all. Maybe all that programming and logic had some use after all. Gavin nodded and instead hugged Nines’ middle. ‘It’s good to have you back, tin-can.’ The android didn’t move to return the hug but stood there rather awkwardly. ‘Thanks…’ Gavin stepped back and let go of the man. ‘Err… yeah, sure. Let’s… let’s get back to work, shall we? And if you… want to talk about what happened or… what that makes you feel… I’m right here.’ ‘Thank you’, Nines smiled and that smile almost made everything alright again.

The android moved over to his terminal, switched it on and interfaced with it, while dusting off his belongings with the other hand. Gavin too returned to his work. As if it was just another day.

-

Nines was thankful to be back. He remembered not believing it might work, but Cyberlife had harboured his soul in their servers and Jericho had actually managed to move them to build a new body for him. It felt like he had never been gone, as he stepped foot back into the precinct. He had of course been the centre of attention then, but he still managed to surprise Gavin and that was all he had needed to feel that warmth again. As the human had hugged him… It had been heaven on earth. Metaphorically. From his own experience if android heaven was a dusted Cyberlife server, then this was much better.

He had enjoyed the unexpected contact far too much, his systems overwhelmed by the sudden motions that he had actually frozen for a few moments. He was actually surprised Gavin had taken it so well. From his last memories before his deactivation, he had expected there to be more tears… more emotions. But then again, maybe Gavin had already grieved for him. It had been two weeks after all. Maybe he had just been relieved he was back and now was eager to get back to normality. Or he suppressed his emotions as usual until they weren’t too intense to handle. Either way, Nines wouldn’t start a conversation with him, not unless he initiated one first. He had caused the human his pain after all. Gavin would have to chose when was the right time.

Unfortunately, even the next day, nothing changed. Gavin had no interest in opening the talk and even seemed to avoid him. If anything, he was growing more distant, seemingly wanting to tell him something when he left for his home, but never actually speaking up. It hurt. It hurt somewhere deep inside Nines. The android was feeling so much, even looking at the human caused him software instability. But he didn’t dare to tell the man. Gavin hadn’t said something when he was in emotional turmoil because of his impending death. Surely, he would have done that if he felt something. And with how he always pulled a face at seeing publicly displayed affection, maybe he didn’t want to hear it either.

Nines loved the human. He wanted to deepen their relationship. He had died to protect Gavin and he would do so again and again, if he had to. But with how Gavin kept to himself and didn’t even acknowledge him some days, Nines really doubted that was what the human wanted.

-

Gavin was beyond disappointed. He would have been angry hadn’t that felt too much of a defeat. The android had had the audacity to die in his arms catching multiple bullets for him and then ghost him like that? Gavin had confessed his love to the plastic prick in a moment of vulnerability and now the damn android just pretended nothing had happened? “Detective”-d him at any given moment and displayed no more emotion than before their mission? Hell, if he wasn’t interested, Nines could have just said so. This was just an asshole move. And two could play that game of ignorance. It didn’t matter to Gavin that his soul was bleeding with every stumbled ‘Oh. Okay.’ from the android whenever Gavin shoved him away further. He was far too angry for it. And it only got worse during the week.

Friday finally was the day, that promised Gavin refuge. He wouldn’t have to see the android on the weekend and have time to come to terms with his contradicting feelings. Then, on Monday, he would just tell the android and be done with it. No more dancing around each other, trying to find out how the other felt and watch out for the other’s wellbeing. He decided to leave early and switched off his computer grabbing his jacket as he stood up. ‘Gavin?’ Oh hell no. If the android continued to speak with him, he would resort to violence at this point. He was hurt and confused and done, so, so done with it all. So, he just turned around and left. Only once he left the building and heard the door fall into the lock behind him, he sighed and took a deep breath of the grounding cold February air.

He shouldn’t have stopped. ‘Gavin!’ The door behind him opened and Nines stumbled out of it, coming to a halt everything but gracefully. His LED was a dark red and Gavin didn’t want to think of what that reminded him of. ‘What do you want?’, Gavin spat. ‘I want to talk with you. About what happened. I held myself back until now because I know this might have been traumatic for you and-‘ ‘Phck off! You died in my arms! You know, you are right, that might have been traumatic for me, phckhead!’ ‘I apologize for that, but-‘ ‘Oh, you apologize?’ Gavin turned around and walked right into the android’s personal space. ‘You apologize? For what exactly? Dying? Ignoring me? Disregarding that I laid out my heart in front of you and you decided to step on it?’

Nines took a step back and frowned. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘What- What do I mean?’, Gavin wheezed in disbelief. ‘Ex-phcking-cuse me? I mean that I told you I love you! You died in my arms and I thought if this was your last moment and you died for me, I could as well tell you that! Maybe made it a bit easier for you. Less hurtful. Phck, what have I been thinking? You are just a damn machine, you don’t phcking feel. Or at least not in that way. Because hell, I tell you that, let you into my heart and when you come back, you hand me a coffee and go straight back to work?’

‘Wait’, Nines said, holding up his hand. ‘Wait, Gavin. Your last words to me were: “Don’t you dare do this to me!”’ He blinked. ‘Or were they?’ Gavin clenched his jaws. ‘No, asshole they weren’t! My last words to you were that I loved you!’ ‘When was that? Right before I shut down? Was my LED still flickering?’ ‘How the hell should I know?’, Gavin asked, throwing his hands in the air. ‘You were dying in my arms; I don’t think I had more important things on my mind than your stupid mood light!’ ‘Gavin, this is important’, Nines said, stepping forwards and holding the man by the shoulders. ‘Was it less than two seconds before my body went rigid?’ Gavin shrugged. ‘Yeah, could be. Why?’

Nines let go of him and had to sit down on the stairs in front of the station. ‘Gavin, I uploaded my memory to Cyberlife as soon as I knew I would die. It recorded everything up to two seconds before my death, because it takes a bit of time to end the Upload and shut down the body. I… I might have heard it and understood it as I was dying, but I… the backup of me that I am now has no memory of you telling me that.’

Gavin stared at the android and processed what he just heard. Then he sat down next to Nines on the stairs and stared blankly ahead. ‘Phck.’ ‘Fuck indeed.’ ‘And all the time I thought you were just a work-centred prick ignoring me.’ ‘I wouldn’t have ignored it had I known it, Gavin, I’m sorry.’ Gavin rubbed his face in frustration. Phck, he just wanted this day to be over.

But Nines didn’t let him end it just yet. He cleared his throat and looked over at the human that had nearly folded in on himself. ‘Err… Do you… Do you really love me?’ Gavin lifted his head up, his fingers resting on his mouth. He looked at Nines from the corner of his eyes, only then letting his hands slap on his knees. ‘Yes, I guess’, he sighed. ‘No, yeah I do. I was so angry at you all phcking week it won’t be a heartfelt confession now, but I do love you. The way you’re just… Always there for me and care so much. Most would just pretend not to have seen me and move on. You sought me out. You are actually funny and intelligent and competent. And you are phcking hot, okay? I feel so much for you and seeing you die… I couldn’t handle it. I think the hope you would come back to me kept me going.’ There was a brief moment of silence.

‘I love you too, Gavin’, Nines answered in a whisper. ‘I can’t understand how I am the one lucky enough to got to know you when so many others had their chance before me, but I am happy fate chose me. I… I can’t express how I feel as I shouldn’t be feeling at all as an android. But I do and I wanted to tell you for so long. I just always thought you didn’t want to hear something like that…’ ‘Nines?’, the human spoke up and turned towards him. Nines followed his movement and his eyes naturally found their way to Gavin’s, who smiled. ‘Nines, this was the only thing I ever needed to hear.’

Nines blinked, but didn’t have the time to answer, as Gavin laid an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Once again, Nines froze up, but Gavin’s warmth quickly made him melt into the touch. Soon enough, he would have to think about all of this to process what he just heard, but for now…

For now, he enjoyed this.