#my brain just is so numb all the time with everything.

[cloverapple]

How I Shift On Command + How You Can Too

I don’t plan on posting anything other than this or starting a blog, so I don’t need anyone to “believe” in me. The only person you should trust is yourself—trust yourself to resonate positively with what you see online and click away if it doesn’t serve you. This is here for you to take from if it resonates. I literally only made this blog to post this here. My hope is that it reaches at least one person who can take something from this and apply it to their shifting journey. If not, and this post ends up here untouched, I’m just glad to finally get everything down in words and off my chest. 

Jumping straight to the answer because I’m not going to make anyone sit through a long post for it. The rest, the "advice," is here if you want to read it.

The "method"

I figured out what works specifically for me as an individual instead of following everyone else’s journey. Everyone has their “thing” that makes shifting click, a sweet spot that makes reality shifting possible. For me, it’s a combination of the law of assumption and inducing an altered state of consciousness.

During the day, I spend time affirming—or sometimes just reminding myself or keeping a little note nearby—things like:

I can shift.

I know how to shift.

I could shift tonight.

Shifting is accessible to me.

At night, I watch videos, look at Pinterest boards, or listen to music that reminds me of my DR. This ingrains where I’m going in my brain. Sometimes I do this for fun, and other times I skip it entirely.

When I lay down, I always lie on my back and stay somewhat still because I like the feeling of my body going numb. This isn’t necessary to shift, but I enjoy it—it lets me feel the symptoms of hypnagogia (that in-between state of wakefulness and sleep).

To meditate quickly, I count from 1 to 100 with a few affirmations in between to remind myself of what I’m doing. I do this until my body goes numb, and I start messing up the counting. Usually, the mistakes or random, nonsensical thoughts are my signal to start shifting.

At this point, I begin affirming the things I affirmed during the day:

I could shift right now.

I have the ability to shift.

I have the power to shift at any moment.

While I do this, I focus on the feeling of being in my DR—not my surroundings, not my senses, just the internal feeling of being there.

This is where “brazen impudence” comes in. I hard-force myself to feel like I’m in my DR. It’s not about imagining my surroundings but purely about embodying the feeling of being there.

Hypnagogic imagery and sensations like floating often kick in at this point. These are symptoms of your body falling asleep so your awareness can take shape in that sweet spot for shifting.

I continue this, then stop and start counting from 1 to 100 again, with affirmations like:

I can shift.

I know how to shift.

I could shift right now.

Then I repeat the process: using brazen impudence to force myself to feel like I’m in my DR.

Eventually, I reach that threshold between sleep and wake—a liminal state of pure consciousness. Body asleep, mind awake, I call this the “rabbit hole” which is honstly just a deep state of hypnogogia. It’s a state where anything is possible: lucid dreaming, astral projection, slipping into the void, shifting—anything.

When I’m in this state, I use brazen impudence to force myself to feel like I'm shifting to my DR and don't take no for an answer (I tell myself I'm in Barbados and shut the door in my own face). This can involve affirmations or just talking myself through it, either way I wake myself up there. Occasionally, I simply relax, expect to wake up in my DR, fall asleep, and wake up shifted.

Does all that sound complicated? Let me simplify:

Lay down and get comfortable.

Count from 1 to 100 on a loop with affirmations in between until you mess up the counting, get sleepy, or have your mind wander. Like this:

Me: *counts from 1 - 100* Me: *says a few affirmations/askfirmations* Me: *counts from 1 - 100* Me: *says a few affirmations/askfirmations*

On a loop until...

Persist in the feel of being in your DR—not focusing on surroundings or senses, just the feeling. Feeling is the secret.

Alternate between steps 2 and 3 until you’re in that relaxed body asleep/mind awake state, OR just straight up hypnogogia tbh. (That is, if you don’t already shift lol)

From there, choose what feels right: shift from a lucid dream, affirm, slip into the void, or just feel yourself in your DR like I do, convince yourself that either you shifted and are there, or are shifting and will end up there.

One thing I’ll tell you now—regardless of your circumstances, how long you’ve been trying, how long it’ll take, who you are, etc—is that you already know how to shift. You, reading this right now. You know how to shift, and there’s nothing you did to learn it. There’s nothing you can do to unlearn it. It’s something that will stay with you until the end of time.

Why do you think people shift randomly without prior knowledge of shifting? Even people who don’t believe in it? It’s because everyone can shift. You can shift.

Right now, stop reading this post and say in your head or out loud, “I already know how to shift.” Or, if that doesn’t feel right, “I already have the ability to shift,” “No matter what, I have the power to shift,” or “My mind knows how to shift no matter what.”

Can you argue that? No, you can’t. And if your mind starts throwing out “buts,” go back and read that again.

Shifting isn’t difficult, and no one struggles to shift. I’m sure you’ve heard it before—that shifting is simple and happens in seconds—because it does. You don’t struggle with shifting. You can shift; everyone has the power to. What you “struggle” with, so to speak, is figuring out what works for you, what your brain likes, how it operates—because everyone is different.

What ended up working for me more than anything was figuring out how I operate and modifying shifting to fit me—not forcing myself to fit shifting.

Will my method work for everyone? I have no idea. Unless you assume it will work for you, this is what works for me. I’m me, and you’re you.

Before you say “Oh, but I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked so far” and expect me to sit here and ask you “but have you really tried everything? <3” , listen to me. 

I could shift perfectly well with my own personal method before I started shifting regularly. I knew it worked well for my brain, but the thing that “blocked” me (so to speak) were my assumptions. 

When you sit there and say “I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked” that’s your assumption about yourself. You believe that nothing works for you, that you don't know how to shift, that you’re this powerless, lost baby shifter who needs guidance. 

There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s not your fault, and theoretically you could shift even with your “blockages” (I really hate that term), as shifting waits for no one.

This is why so many people shift randomly and with poor assumptions without meaning to. But you clicked on this because you want to know how you can shift consistently + on every time, and this is the answer I’m giving you. 

You find out what works better for you, be it affirming, visualizing, scripting, shifting awake, shifting asleep, shifting with hypnagogia, shifting with hypnopompic, shifting through lucid dreams, shifting with brazen impudence, through SATs, robotic affirming, through letting go, through putting your DR on a pedestal, through listening to music, through law of assumption alone, and many more. 

If that sounds overwhelming, please note that all of these are the same vehicles that get you to your destination. Just in different shapes and colors. Like how some people drive a car, others drive a motorcycle, others walk, others swim. The movement forward is always the same. 

What you’re doing, no matter how you’re doing it or in whatever state of consciousness you’re doing it from, will always be:

Assume it's true, feel it, receive it. “Assume and persist,” “ground yourself in the assumption,” you’ve heard it all before. 

How to Find What Makes You Shift On Command

You could either test different techniques (affirmations, visualizations, scripting, lucid dreaming, etc.) and see what feels natural to you. 

You could (and I love this one because it’s a cheat code) Assume you already know what works, and let the law of assumption guide you. “Manifest it” so to speak. 

Pay attention to your life, because you already shift on command, you've been doing it your whole life, but I guarantee you haven't noticed it. Pay attention to you, like how easily you slip into hypnagogia, your dream recall, or how strong your intuition is, maybe you put too much emotion into a scenario you don’t want in your life and it inherently manifests, things like that. Pay attention to the thing that makes you go “huh, that was weird”

“But Clover, I tried everything you mentioned above and still haven’t found my method!” 

My darling. Listen up. Come closer—I’m about to let you in on a secret. The way you apply the law of assumption isn’t one-size-fits-all, because assumptions and beliefs are not linear. It's the same every time, yes, it's a law. But just like you, the way you can use it is unique to each person.

Let me tell you how easy it is so you don't think I'm over-complicating it

You could, for instance, believe you’ve got $1000 in your bank account right now and act like it, fully living in the end. Or you could believe you’re going to have $1000 in your account and act like it’s already on its way. Or maybe you believe something’s going to happen that’ll bring you that $1000.

The same applies to shifting. It’s been a game changer for me. I used to struggle so much with things like:

“You’re already in your DR, just act like it.”

“Ignore the 3D.”

“You’ve already shifted.”

Do those methods work? Absolutely, they work beautifully. But like I said, if it doesn’t feel good or true to you, don’t force it.

My dearest, darling reader. If the story you see in your 3D is that you can’t shift, can’t find what makes you shift, are you just going to sit there and accept it? What is more satisfying? Think with me here: accepting that you don’t know how to shift and cannot shift, or persisting that you do know how to shift? 

“Clover, but I’ve been trying for 4 years! I’ve tried everything and I still haven’t shifted”

So that's your story? Your story, your assumption is that you’ve been trying for 4 years and haven’t shifted? If you’ve resonated with the phrase above, that’s your story. And there’s nothing wrong with it, but! there will be no magic solution for shifting. Or a magic method. Or a person like me giving you advice, that can make you shift without you changing your assumptions first.

“But I don’t want to reprogram my mind! It doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to do robotic affirming 24/7, I want results now!” 

I know, right? It’s annoying having to do these 100-step methods, and drink charged water, and have to beg the universe for your desire, and loop affirmations in your mind that directly contradict what you’re experiencing in the 3D.

“Oh ignore the 3D, the 4D is your only real imagination!” they say, as you sit there, clutching your phone, rocking back and forth in bed, repeating affirmations you don’t resonate with while dreaming of being railed by your S/O.

Believe me, I've been there, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I asked myself why couldn't these basic steps that worked for everyone else work for me. I blamed myself for not trying hard enough, for being lazy, for inconsistent. When all that time, the answer was me. I needed to manifest/shift in a way that felt good for me.

Just remember, the law of assumption isn't complicated, and the way you apply it is not one-size-fits-all. Reprogramming the mind through continuous repetition and affirmation works, and if that resonates with you or feels effective, you should absolutely go for it.

However, at its core, you don’t inherently need to reprogram your mind. It’s as simple as assuming your mind has already been reprogrammed and watching it unfold before your eyes. You do what feels right to you.

For example, if person A does better with visualization and listening to music, why on earth are they affirming and listening to subliminals?

If person B feels better scripting in a notebook, why the hell are they reprogramming their mind?

If person C feels good reprogramming their mind, why are they taking the simple route?

Funny, isn't it? Which is why if you've read all of this so far, and you have not resonated with it, just click away. Go find another post or advice that feels true to you. The words I'm writing right now are not universal, they're not the absolute truth. That's the beauty of the law of assumption. Whatever you believe to be true, becomes true.

I didn’t feel good with the affirmations “I’m already in my DR” and “I already shifted.” Do they work, are they true? Yup, but I didn’t feel good ignoring the 3D, even when I knew the 4D was the true reality. So I swapped them for affirmations like "I'm shifting to my DR", “I’m going to shift to my DR”, swapping things like “I already shifted” to “I’m shifting” because those are the kinds of affirmations my brain loves. 

I've heard a silly bit of misinfo that these affirmations stating future events put you in an infinite loop, and that they don’t make you achieve your desire. That’s not true? At all? Makes me laugh, really. Because here I am, “master shifter” or whatever name people give it in this reality, shifting as much as I want to wherever I want with these types of affirmations.

Yet here I see every day on the internet, people implanting stubborn little rules and regulations to a practice that has been done for ages, a universal law that will work even when you don’t care for it to work. 

How I Shifted The First Time

The law of assumption is what made me shift in the end. Initially, I surprised myself at the beginning of my shifting journey because I shifted three months after starting it. I woke up one morning in my DR room, felt it was real, knew it was possible, but accidentally shifted back because it was too good to be true. 

What followed was a period of losing my mind; I shift back to my DR for a few seconds (mini-shifts), fully shifted to different rparallel ealities, and filled the hell out of shifting journals with my discoveries as I went along. But I never fully shifted to my DR and stayed there. I wanted to permashift. I was so focused on leaving my CR and going to my DR permanently, frustrated because I knew I could shift, knew how to in theory, but was stuck in this endless loop of assuming I couldn't make myself shift and had to rely on spontaneous shifts.

And then one night it clicked when I was reflecting on the law of assumption and reality shifting. I knew shifting was real. I knew I could shift. Everyone can shift. I had shifted before. I would continue to shift even if I gave up on shifting. I could shift that night if I wanted to. I could shift that night even if I didn't want to. I knew how to shift. And so do you.

These are all assumptions I went to sleep with in mind, laying there, feeling like an idiot as it all clicked for me. 

If there was no doubt in my mind that I could shift that night, why wouldn’t I be able to shift? 

What followed was an overwhelming sense of peace washing over me. I let go. What more was there to be done? I could shift. There was no crying or screaming that could make me shift more than I could right then. 

I laid there and started my process. Just like I mentioned earlier. I began counting from 1 - 100 on a continuous loop. With affirmations that I could shift, I knew how to shift , I could shift that night.

And then I reached hypnagogia, and began inducing the feeling of being in my DR, just like I mentioned earlier. That liminal space rabbit hole shortly followed. I could go anywhere I wanted then. I could lucid dream. I could astral project. I could slip into the void. I could shift, and I did. Just…letting go and inducing the feeling of being in my DR. Not the surroundings, not the 5 senses, no affirmations. Just knowing that I was in my Dr. 

It was peaceful. 

I was at ease. 

And then I was woken up by a violent crack of thunder because my dumbass scripted my DR wakeup scenario to be in the middle of spring, and it was raining -_- 

I woke up in my DR, fully grounded, fully there, pinching my skin purple because I couldn't believe I was looking out the window at my DR city.

I wish I could tell you that I remained cool, but I so didn’t. I sat in bed for a good 10 minutes, mouth agape, repeating “oohh fuck it’s real….ohhh my god it’s real…whaaat the hell.” 

And then I paced around my room panicking, giggling like an idiot, checking my DR phone because all my friends and DR life was on there as evidence, opening drawers, looking at myself in the mirror, and straight-up freaking out. 

What followed after that was incredible, something I lack the words to describe. I spent a few weeks in my DR before shifting back, spending a few weeks here and then shifting back–here, back, here, back and forth, spending more time in my DR then my CR to the point where I consider my DR my true reality, and this one as my “other” reality. 

I shifted back here in early December of last year, and I’m here now before I shift back permanently—meaning, I’ll shift there, and then the next time I shift will be to another DR or a waiting room somewhere in the multiverse. I’m taking a "break" so to speak and hanging out here until events I scripted in my DR start to happen, and my life changes (positively, all good things I assure). 

I’m not sure if the person or people who find this post will care, but my other reality was originally called my “Witch DR”, where, as the name suggests, I’m a witch :) But not the fun kind, with a broomstick, a cauldron, and a pet cat though 😂The kind where I have to be up early for work in the mornings, can’t keep a cat because the building I live in doesn’t allow it, and have more responsibilities there than I do in this reality. 

One thing I didn’t expect about shifting before I lived there the first time is that—it’s life. You will have good days. You will have bad days. You will fuck up. You will laugh so hard that soda comes out of your nose. You will cry more than you ever have. And the people you once saw on a TV screen are very real, and can be very annoying lol. I miss my DR friends dearly right now, but I can’t go poking around the internet for videos and pictures of them because it feels so weird. 

Gut feelings are strange. I use them as a compass in both realities whenever I have to manually flap the butterfly’s wings and take a route. I felt compelled to write this post, and I’m not sure why. But if what this post has the power to help one singular person and help them realize their power, I'll be beyond happy.

[abbinurmel]

As someone who's been diagnosed also with this disorder only very recently in my late 30s, I too can attest this is not what normal PMS is for women. Pmdd is a very frequently undiagnosed and serious issue. I for the longest time just thought I was simply an unhinged person or that I'm just having regular PMS symptoms and I'm too sensitive about it. This is not a normal kind of behavior to have; being moody and irritated is not the same thing as constantly feeling like everyone would rather you dead or just unbelievably pissed or crying over everything. There's a clear difference between "uggggh, blah, it's Monday, grumble grumble, I'm tired and wish I could stay home with some tea, hate this, ugh your so annoying right now, sigh mumble grumble grumble... 😑"

and

"I suddenly wonder how it'd be best to kill myself/others and get away with it??...y'know, just for random amusement sake. What are all of the most efficient methods? Hmmmm. I mean I am not sad, not really, okay maybe, but y'know, I just am preparing for the probable inevitiability I am gonna do it someday in the future, we might not know why, but, y'know, we'll figure it out. This isn't a mental disorder symptom, relax, this is me just being numb and tired and "Practical". ...besides, does my boyfriend even love me?? Probably not. I bet everyone else despises me too. I bet they always did. Every month I always piss somebody off, they're all probably so tired of my shit anyway. I'm such a ugly piece of shit and the world is dying and nothing is good and nobody ever loved me and nobody ever will and I'm just a dumbass surrounded by dumbasses and I'm going to decay into a sickly old woman in just three months and-"

STOP.

Kids please, get PROFESSIONAL HELP if this stuff happens to you all the time. Get on Zoloft, or exercise, or take birth control or seek talk therapy, or change your diets, whatever it is you and your gynecologist decide you need. It is not a joke. You need to practice discipline against this thing, and you will need the aid of being able to recognize there's medically something ACTUALLY BEHIND THIS AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Ever since I've been on the right correct dosage of sertraline meds/taking Primrose oil supplements to treat my symptoms, I've already noticed huge difference. It was also a huge difference when I finally managed to get birth control in my arm implant after I turned 30, compared to what I was like every single cycle during my teens and my early twenties. I was an absolute mess. I still get meltdowns from time to time but they are nowhere near the volcanic levels they used to reach, unless stressful unforseen circumstances or someone pushes my buttons in a severe way. It's now so different. NOW I can feel just weary and grumpy, uncomfortable, tired, and "meh". It's about the same as how you emotionally should feel like, while having a minor cold. No one gets a cold, and thinks they are worthless or definitely going to die, be it thru self harm or body dysfunctions they paranoid guess at.

You should just feel KINDA CRUMMY and TIRED. That is all. No worse feeling than dragging yer ass on a cold day out of bed early to a job you begrudgingly tolerate, not even despise... Any friends and loved ones around you (that already respect you) will tolerate that state you are in/be whom they always are. And if they somehow don't, your healthy brain has the dignity and logic to say "well too bad y'all, I am having a COLD, so, I am mucus-y and cranky and gross. It's not a big deal. I just ain't having sex going to work or socializing with family today, deal with it🤷. 🙄 sigh."

If you have PMDD, the above scenario isn't what happens. What happens is tears, cursing, fights, physical abuse or substance abuse or impulsive acts. It's days of neglecting hobbies, chores and self care, just choosing to without telling anyone that you're staying locked up in your bedroom in the dark for hours, and feeling days or weeks of miserable, thoroughly aimless bitterness and ennui. A daily exhausting slog ends up leading into straight up sickening amounts of constant self loathing, severe insomnia, and contempt for humanity and every inch of your body. You will not stop naval gazing or feeling like your life is going nowhere and it can't be ignored for even a minute.

And THE SECOND you bleed, it just... Stops. It's both a relief and actually distressing in itself how abrupt it is. The minute my period happens, I feel 10x less emotionally shitty and unfocused, even if my body is saying AGH, FUCK, SHIT, DAMNIT

Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."

It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.

[pegging-satan]

Ok girls today I’m not feeling sane about Zayne and Caleb let’s fucking gooooo

MDNI

Imagine them catching you with a... special toy to feel good because he was busy and you were desperate :(

Tags: mdni pls. just smut. Inappropriate usage of evol, inappropriate usage of weapons, pissed off Zayne, mean Caleb, edging for Zayne, some cnc towards the end for Caleb, temperature play, gun play, impact play, (Zayne is kinda ooc w that,) Caleb is scary, not proofread 🤪

a/n: this is my first smut so like yay? Ig? i have major brain worms for these men so here is my contribution to this fandom. i'm so obsessed with Colonel Caleb omg.

Zayne walks in on you, cheeks flushed, legs spread, body shaking, heat radiating from every inch of your skin. Your eyes are closed focusing all your attention to that one spot. Slowly building up, ultimately making your walls spasm under the satisfying vibrations.

You have no idea he just walked in, too busy chasing your high, and he is now watching you; amused and jealous. How dare his warm tongue be replaced with a cold silicone toy. How dare it. He still watches you as you writhe and shake as you come undone, part of him a little turned on.

As you’re coming down from your high, eyes still closed, he speaks. His tone ice cold, in that deadpan monotone which sent shivers down your spine this time, as it was filled with barely contained…. Something.

“Well hello to you too” he says, not smiling. You are mortified. Oh, he’s pissed.

“Z— Zayne… I thought you were going to be busy today so I th—“

“Save your explanations for some other time.” He cuts you off. Oh, he’s pissed. And oh, it’s so hot. You wait for what he’s going to do next, and to your surprise, joy and terror, he’s taking off his shirt. He comes over to you, a fire in his eyes, a look of betrayal, and a hint of anger.

“You wouldn’t wait for me?” He said, again ice cold.

“No, it’s not th—“ you’re cut off by his large hand cupping your face, not so gently squeezing your cheeks together, rendering you unable to speak.

“I expected better from you, you know” he says his tone unchanged. His hand going to cup your jaw, putting a little pressure on your throat making you a little light headed.

“Since you like cold things between your legs so much,” he scoffs and materialises an icicle. Your skin is so hot you can almost hear it sizzle and the vast temperature difference makes you squeal and squirm. He rubs it between your slick, sticky folds making them wetter, the coldness of it in contrast to your body temperature short circuiting your brain.

You try to wriggle out, but then all of a sudden you feel ice cold restraints around your wrists, binding your arms to the headboard, and around the ankles spreading your legs out to expose you completely. So many juxtaposing sensations in your body making you shiver and burn up, it’s so confusing but you can’t help but enjoy it

Zayne runs his icy hands over your body, pinching and groping at your soft, plush skin. The grip around your neck tightens and you feel faint everything is blurry. He materializes an ice cube and runs it down your neck, to your chest, circling around your sensitive peaks, making you hiss and squirm.

He runs it down your stomach right between your legs, placing it directly where you need it he just keeps it there, making you squirm and cry but he does not care. This is your punishment.

You can feel yourself going numb, and you beg for forgiveness, but he doesn’t stop till he’s satisfied. He’s a doctor after all, he knows best. He knows the best way to punish you is to take away how you feel pleasure, even if it’s temporary.

He slides the icicle in you, watching it melt from your heat. Sadistic, vengeful. It’s too much to handle, you need to feel something, anything. desperately. With all the strength you can gather, you mumble out

“Hit me, please”

he raises an eyebrow, and a cruel smile plays in his lips. You didn’t know this side of him existed, and oh my goodness, was it hot.

“What did you say?” He says amused, wanting you to repeat yourself.

“Hit me Zayne. I’m serious I can’t feel anything, hit me”

He releases his hold on your neck, and you gasp for air. He traces a couple small circles on your cheek, before a hard smack lands on your cheek. The sting of it sends electricity through your body, and before you know it there’s another sting on your other cheek. Your face now going red, as he grips your face to look at him, the look on his face unreadable, his gaze burning holes through you.

You feel some sensation returning to your previously numb parts, and you can see him look increasingly more needy. With essentially the go-ahead to manhandle you, his large hands roam around your body, roughly playing with your chest, and he dips between your legs, deeply inhaling your scent before giving you a little lick making you shudder.

But your punishment is far from over. He takes the toy now discarded to the side and turns it back on.

“Isn’t this what you wanted hm?” He asks mockingly

“No, no I want you, I want you please, please” you say, no, beg. But you were the one who made this mistake, unfortunately. He ignores you, despite how desperately he wants to be in you, and places it between your legs, vibrating at the highest setting.

“And don’t you dare cum because of this thing” he warns, knowing full well it’s a battle you’d lose. And he’d enjoy watching you lose, looking at you with pitiful eyes, oh you helpless little creature, can’t help yourself can you, look at that, so pathetic.

He sits there, looking at you, using his evol to strap you in place so you can’t even squirm. It’s cold and it’s hard and it’s hard for you to not cum and he’s enjoying watching you struggle.

He keeps you there for god knows how long, drawing them out much to your disappointment and his amusement. The waterproof bedsheet is so soaked that liquid’s dripping down onto the floor and he’s showing no signs of stopping. You’re a crying, sobbing mess, you didn’t even know it was possible to cum this much and he hadn’t even entered you.

“Didn’t know there was such an easy replacement for me” he says mocking you as you cry even more. He’s enjoying this, what the hell, might as well give him more. You cry some more, beg some more, and ultimately he goes

“Aww, what’s the matter, love? You want me?” You nod in affirmative.

“Too bad, I just got a text, I’m needed at the hospital, urgently”

And he just leaves you there, restraints still on, and all you can do is just wait for them to melt away before you can move.

———————————— .•*•. ————————————

bonus visuals <3 <3 <3

“I see I’m not enough to satisfy you, pipsqueak” you hear the voice. You turn your head to look at him, and to your horror, he’s standing there with the hot pink ahem, toy in his hand.

“Caleb! You weren’t supposed to find that!” Embarrassed, you rush to take it from him and he holds it above his head so it’s impossible for you to reach it.

“Caleb!” You muse. He’s unrelenting. In fact, he’s quite enjoying this.

“Mind explaining why?”

“I get lonely when you’re not there” you say pouting.

“Aww pipsqueak but I’m here now aren’t I? I don’t think you’ll be needing this thing for a while. Or… I can use this on you”

“You what” you ask now a little scared. You see a dark look flash across his features, a very extremely subtle shift in demeanour, that made him go from the golden retriever childhood best friend to the cold and cruel Farspace Colonel.

“Actually, no. I have a couple of my own toys I’d like to use on you” he says darkly, the sweet, kind Caleb gone, replaced by the authoritative, commanding officer.

“Sit” he commands. You freeze, and since you’re taking too long to obey he makes you sit using his evol. Your hands feel as if there’s a thousand pounds of weight on them and you can’t move. He returns with a bag, his bag. His… arsenal.

One by one he starts pulling out his guns.

And placing them on to the bed.

You look at him in horror, having put two and two together, and strangely, it was making you wet as hell.

“Caleb are you—“

“Put some damn respect to my name” he cuts you off coldly. Why was it so hot? Why was Farspace Colonel Caleb so fucking hot? He was demanding, he was possessive and he was mean. So mean. So. Fucking. Hot.

You were already feeling hot and bothered the moment that personality came out, where golden retriever Caleb made you feel safe, this Caleb turned you on so goddamn much, hell, he made you cum with his words alone this one time.

Your heart’s beating with anticipation as he finishes laying down all his weapons, shiny, cold, pristine.

“I suppose you get the idea what toys I was talking about, pipsqueak” the nickname now spoken in a condescending tone, his expression stern and resolute.

“Cal— Colonel” you said your voice shaky, you were curious but also scared.

“What’s the matter pipsqueak? Scared are you?” He says, a sly smirk on his face watching your scared expression.

“A little bit yes”

“It’ll be over before you know it.” It would not. There were five guns on the bed right now, and knowing him, he would make you cum on each and every one of them at least twice. And the knives? God, how would he even use them on you?

“It’s time I showed my little girl how to play with some real toys” he says darkly. Still having you bound to the bed with his evol, the sounds of the gun in his hand clicking as he emptied the magazine and unloaded it.

“I just cleaned them recently. Now I must bathe them in your essence. For luck, of course.”

He comes closer to you, you’re still sitting there unable to move. He kisses your neck trailing kisses down to your shoulders and collarbone. He has one of his knives in his hand, which he scrapes down your neck, to your shirt, the blade is so sharp it rips the straining fabric around your chest, freeing them from the confines of your shirt.

“Mmm…” he murmurs as he buries his face between your tits, inhaling your scent deeply, squeezing, biting, sucking, making you hiss.

He tosses the knife to the side and reaches for one of the formidable weapons. It’s so hard and thick, you don’t even know how you’ll take that but he spreads your legs for you, hiking up your skirt and rubbing the cold metal tip on your heat through the wet fabric, slowly, teasingly.

You quiver and moan, but he will continue going at his pace no matter what you do. You feel his fingers sliding the thin fabric of your underwear to the side, spreading your folds, now sticky with slick, and teases you with the cold tip yet again. He continues sliding the weapon up and down the soaking slit now, enjoying the way it collected in the grooves of the gun.

“You sure are wet for someone who was terrified a few minutes ago” he remarks looking at your face, flushed and dazed. He knows you’re in not position to speak right now, so he doesn’t give you a chance to either. And pushes the metal tip into your entrance, eliciting a gasp from you. He pushes it in deeper, until it’s all the way in til the base of the handle.

“Look at this hungry little thing, swallowing cold metal like it’s my cock” he scoffs. “So greedy”

You whine as he pulls it out, and gasp when he pushes it back in. As he starts pumping, your mind starts going hazy as he fucks you with his gun, the wet squelching sounds echoing in the room, it’s so fucking debauched and you can’t believe he’s doing this, and then suddenly he stops.

“Ride it” he commands

You obey, swaying your hips chasing your pleasure, riding a god damn gun that your childhood best friend— no, a Farspace Colonel was holding, whispering filthy things in your ear as you chased your high.

He had stopped using his evol on you long ago, this was getting too much for him, oh so fun for him. He grabbed the back of your neck and slammed you down on to your pillows, back arching, keeping your face pinned to the pillows as he continued his ruthless assault on you.

“So. Fucking. Greedy.” He said between slaps to your ass. Each one making you squeal and drip down the gun.

“Didn’t know my little pipsqueak was a freak like this” he said his tone flat and amused.

“Come on, cum for me like a good fucking girl” he says slapping your ass one more time, and as if on cue, you’re gushing around the not so cold metal.

“Fucking beautiful” he says as he pulls it out, a couple strings of slick connecting the weapon to you. He brings it up to his face and deeply inhales the scent before licking up your juices from the base to the tip all while making steaming eye contact with you. The sight damn well sent you near the edge again, it was so fucking hot.

“Hope you’re not too spent, pipsqueak. We have four more guns to go”

You nod, dazed.

“I’m not stopping even if you pass out, baby”

You nod again accepting it.

It was going to be a long night.

[bunveh]

every once in a while I have to sit and sorta contemplate whether or not I’m a sharing or non sharing self shipper bc I’m mostly sharing ! It’s just sometimes when I’m in a bad place and I see smth it kinda adds fuel to the fire and makes me feel odd about it lol

[thedreadvampy]

lmao it is undeniably true that I am Depressi Spaghetti but you know. fuck it we continue.

[skwivr]

-

[gaygirldoodles]

In my JD era

[ruvviks]

i love cyberware. it's so intimate

[tallymali]

i know this is a terrible awful ungrateful thing to say. but i sincerely hate my illness for not being terminal.

[adios--toreador]

Augh

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

how to not be overstimulated

[seventh-district]

.

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

how to cry for help without crying for help

[bowsers-sweaty-asshole]

.

[fionnaskyborn]

I wonder if there is like a quota for how many fuckups a man can make in life. I don't know where I was going with this. I guess I just wish every step I made wasn't one in the wrong direction, or that I could at least backpedal out of bad decisions without any fatal consequences like damaging someone else. Life sucks.

[cloudd-nyne]

.