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winterhawk-olympic-bang · 3 years ago

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How To Edit Your Writing

Guest Poster: Chronicwhimsy

Here is our final Writer Workshop post, written by Chronicwhimsy. Have a read and then head over to the Discord Server where we have a channel for you to take part in a discussion based on the post, with chances to share your own ideas too.

Editing: a drive-by guide

Hi, my name is Claire, and I’m an editor.

(Hi Claire)

I’ve been asked to give a quick guide on tips for editing your stories, as I’ve been a beta/editor for various fanfic writers over the years. I’m a professional editor, working for a publishing house in the UK, and I offer independent freelance editing too, via my website. I’ll be on the Discord server answering questions this evening, but I’m also happy to chat to people either through my website or even if you wanted to drop me a line on tumblr.

The key thing to remember about editing is that the end goal is to make your story the best it can be, and make sure your initial idea comes across as clearly and purely as you first imagined it. It’s about ensuring that the lines of communication between you and your reader are 100% open.

To do that, you need to have finished your story, because you can’t fix something that doesn’t exist.

Then you edit.

What now?

So, you’ve finished your Winterhawk Olympic Bang Fic, and you’re wondering what to do next?

The very first, and most important thing you should do? Celebrate. I mean congratulate the hell out of yourself, pat yourself on the back, and have some cake. Finishing stories is hard. Getting through a first draft is one of the trickiest parts of writing, so you should be proud of yourself, and proud of your story.

Because in a short while, editing is going to make you hate both.

I mean that in the nicest possible way of course, but you absolutely are going to be thoroughly sick of this whole thing by the time you’re done, and you’re going to question everything you’ve ever written. You’re going to get a close-up view of all your narrative bad habits which will make you think you’ve never had any skill at all, and you’re going to re-read your work so many times that it’ll feel trite, old, uninspired. This is normal and it is your brain lying to you. If you remember nothing else, remember that!

“The writing itself is no big deal. The editing, and even more than that, the self-doubt, is excruciatingly impossible.” Jonathan Safran Foer

Don’t lose faith! Editors and editing exist for a reason, no first draft is perfect. You’ve done something amazing in finishing, and now you’re going to make it incredible.

Before You Start - Take a Break

You know the phrase “can’t see the wood for the trees”? It could just as easily be “can’t see the story for the words.” It’s never recommended to go straight into editing as soon as you finish writing, and part of the reason for that is because you’re too deep in the story to be able to assess it objectively, or to catch things that are missed out because you know they’re there, but the reader wouldn’t.

“Once it's done, put it away until you can read it with new eyes. When you're ready, pick it up and read it, as if you've never read it before.” Neil Gaiman

Most writers and editors advocate putting a story away for a month or so before returning to edit, so you’re looking at it with fresh eyes. Obviously, with a Big Bang (or other fic event) this sort of time is usually at a premium! Try and make as much space as you can while still leaving yourself time to edit.

If you really don’t have any time, one trick that can help is changing your location. If you write in your room, can you relocate to your kitchen? Or a café (if you can safely)? Could you print it out? (Printing Top Tip: if you do print it, try and do it double-spaced - this makes it easier on the eyes, and gives you room to make notes. Also, serif fonts can often be easier to read than sans serif fonts, as it gives stronger distinctions between different letters.)

The Filter System

I like to think of the editing process as a series of different filters which, when used one after the other, produce a finely-sieved finished product. Each filter stage has slightly smaller holes than the one before it, as you look increasingly closely at your work.

Filter 1: Structural editing

Does the story make sense? Is the pace okay? Do all the scenes work where they are, or would they be better elsewhere? Do some scenes need to be there at all? Is the characterisation consistent? Does anyone change names halfway through? Did you forget what time of year it was set halfway through?

Filter 2: Line editing

Is this phrase as tight as it could be? Have you repeated yourself anywhere? Does this sentence add anything or does it throw the pace off? Have you gone overboard with adjectives and similes? Have you been too sparse with them?

Filter 3: Copy editing

Is your style consistent? Did you start writing in present tense and switch to past tense? Could this scene transition be snappier? Are there any bits that you want to tidy up? Have you left any half-finished sentences because you got distracted before you could end it?

Filter 4: Proofreading

Is everything spelled correctly? Have you caught all the strange grammar mistakes?

Some of these things might be picked up by your beta reader if you have one. Different beta readers have different styles, and also they will work based on their relationship with you and what you prefer. Some may stick to proofreading and consistency-checking, others may be more confident to dive right in and look at structure, pacing and characterisation. Some may work through the process with you as you write, others may only look at the story when it’s complete so they can get a full overview. There is no right or wrong answer, and having a conversation with your beta about your respective styles at the start can help you work better together!

Filter 1 - Structural Editing

For this stage, you want to read your whole story through from start to finish, and resist the urge to tweak anything to begin with! You will want a way of making notes as you go through because as you do, you’ll make yourself a cheat-sheet to help you with your line edit. Things to keep track of:

Character name spellings

Character ages

Character relationships (drawing a relationship web can be very helpful to visualise this!)

The time span of the story - the date it starts, the date it ends.

As a subset of this, I find it can be very helpful to set up a spreadsheet with a timeline of what happens in the story, and who is involved. Doing this both chronologically for the characters and in order of how it happens in the story can help you keep track of what characters know when, and also when the readers find out certain information. You might have one of these from when you were planning your story (as detailed in Sara Holmes’ workshop). If you’ve kept it up to date with changes to the plot and structure as you’ve written, this will be super helpful.

At this stage, you’re looking to see if everything works as a consistent story. You want to check to see if it feels like it’s the right pace, or if there are bits where it drags or rushes through the action. Why is this? Are there scenes which aren’t adding anything to the progress? Could they just be referred to in passing, or removed entirely without impacting the story? Are there other scenes which need to be added to provide more detail and growth? Is there anything that you as a writer know that is essential to the story, but you forgot to actually put in the text?

“Crafty writers...don't allow Exposition to form Lumps. They break up the information, grind it fine, and make it into bricks to build the story with.” Ursula K. Le Guin

You’re also looking to see if the characters feel true to themselves all the way through. Do the relationships spark? Do they sound like themselves? Can you hear them in your head?

Some people recommend doing several structural edits, with a different focus each time. One pass to look at the pacing, one pass to look at the characters, one to look at the story arc. You’ll work out what floats your boat, but you will be re-reading this story a lot of times before you’re done editing - which is why it’s very important to write what you love and want to read! You’ll go through many stages of hating this story before you let it go, and that will be even harder if it wasn’t something you enjoyed in the first place.

Filter 2 - Line Editing

So you remember I told you to make all those notes during your structural edit? Here’s where you’re going to use them. Now’s the time to go through your story line by line and check that the details in your cheat sheet are correct all the way through the story. I’ve written a novel that I initially set in November, but by the time I finished it, I’d decided it was taking place in early May. I had to go back and fix all the dates and weather descriptions to make sure the action hadn’t actually been yeeted forward six months spontaneously in the middle of a conversation.

Arguably, the line edit will be the most painful part of editing. At this stage, you will be taking a fine-tooth comb to everything you have written, examining it to within an inch of its life, and casting judgement. You’re going to find every stylistic tic you have (for me, everyone is constantly quirking their eyebrows and smirking like they’ve got cramp in their facial muscles), and you’re going to get rid of them (a person only has so many eyebrows, and they can only quirk so far). Now is the time to kill your darlings - don’t hang on to anything unless you feel it’s really doing a job to further the story and the characters.

“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler's heart, kill your darlings.” Stephen King

If you have ever worried about the unbearable sensation of being Known, the line edit is where you will experience that with every word, and you’ll be doing it to yourself. This is when the doubts will really start to creep in and you will maybe feel like everything you write is unoriginal, derivative trash and unfit for human eyes.

Here I’ll reiterate what I said above:

This is a normal feeling, everyone experiences it when editing. E V E R Y O N E.

It’s a lie. No-one else will ever read your story in this state, no-one else will ever read your story this closely. Of course it feels obvious and uninspired to you - you wrote it. It’s your idea, and you’ve read it several times, it holds no surprises for you. (I may be projecting my feelings from every time I’ve edited something here, but…)

You’ll also be catching any ELEPHANTS or whatever your mammal of choice for placeholder text is that you’ve stationed throughout the story as a flag for you to come back and add in a name, or a food, or a song title later. You know, the things you decided were a problem for Future!You. I have bad news, the future is now.

Top Tip: if you have changed someone’s name halfway through, DON’T for the love of Mike, just do a straight find and replace to correct it. Because that’s when you suddenly find out how many other words actually contain names (Mark became Bill? That’s great, until your characters are going to the superBillet to buy groceries). Some word processing programmes have a “whole word” option which is your friend, otherwise ensure to put spaces either side of the word when you search. If you don’t, you’ve just made another horrible job for yourself...

Filter 3 - Copy Editing

Once you’ve made it out the other side of the Line Edit (and given yourself a nice treat to congratulate yourself because that stage is HARD), we get onto copy editing. This is basically the set-dressing stage. You’ve built the house, you’ve decorated the room, and now you’re just making sure every bit of furniture is in the right place for optimal feng shui.

Here’s where you go through and go, do I really need a dash here, or could I just use a comma? Could I use fewer commas? Could I go in and move all of @kangofu_cb’s commas around because I’m the sort of person who will come into your house and change how you hang your toilet paper or where you keep your ketchup.

Now is the time to be as picky as possible, like you’re an interior designer for the most demanding client in the world and the ornament must be exactly equidistant from both ends of the mantlepiece and facing precisely south-west. Things that may have just survived your line edit will be measured again, and if they’re found wanting, then they get binned.

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” Mark Twain

Another thing you might like to do here is check that all your features and things are correct. Did you make a wild claim about the lifecycle of salamanders, or the average price of corn and then never go back to verify this? Take a second to just do that now. It may be that you decide it’s not a problem (I received one copy edit note saying that an idiom used in a book wasn’t recorded until 200 years later, and I made the editorial decision that no-one would care), but for bigger things you may want to make sure you’re accurate.

If you google it (as I just did, to make sure I was definitely giving you the right information), copy editing is often conflated with line editing, and that’s because in reality a lot of the elements of copy editing actually wouldn’t usually be done by the author, and are probably irrelevant to fanfic. The copy editor is responsible for ensuring the book has a consistent grammatical style in line with the preferences of the publisher (em-dash or en-dash, curly quote marks or straight ones, how you deal with acronyms, what needs to be italicised, etc. etc.), which isn’t necessarily required for fanfic. In reality, for fanfic I’d use this stage as a second, lighter line-edit to see where things can be tightened up in phrasing, as well as perhaps a preliminary proofread where you start to mark up any spelling errors.

Filter 4 - Proofreading

By this stage, you’ll be exhausted, and sick to death of the blasted thing. But the end is in sight! Now you’re onto the proofread. This is another close read, where you go through and check for spelling errors, typos, missing full stops, strange formatting stuff (which probably will be less of an issue as AO3 basically makes everything uniform anyway).

Before you even start this, change your font.

We’ve all been there, thought we’d caught every spelling error, every weird typo, only to spot six immediately after posting. That’s because after a certain point our brain becomes used to the font we’ve written in, and will automatically correct things that aren’t right. AO3 has its own unique formatting - colour, spacing, font - and the minute your fic appears on there in this new format you brain wakes up and is like “oh shit, yeah, that’s not how it should be.”

By changing the font before you proofread, you preempt this step.

Another thing to remember: it’s unlikely you will ever catch every mistake. Published books regularly go out with a smattering of typographical errors throughout the text - how many first editions of books are valuable because of misspellings that slipped through the net? You’re only human.

“Connie's other job was proof-editing which she did very badly. Transferring the author's corrections to a clean sheet of proofs was something Connie was unable to do without missing an average of three corrections a page, or transcribing newly inserted material all wrong... she put angry authors' letters about the mutilation of their books under the cushion of her chair to deal with later.” Muriel Spark, A Far Cry from Kensington

Often, spelling errors and things you would look for in a proofread are things that a beta reader will pick up as they go, as they’re the easiest things to spot, but it’s also worth looking over yourself for anything your beta might have missed.

Whether you decide to follow any or all of these steps, always do the proofread last.There is no point carefully spellchecking a chapter you are then going to delete, or proofreading the whole thing, but adding loads of new paragraphs later that either don’t get looked at or mean you end up having to proofread twice. That’s the only hard and fast rule when it comes to editing, and it will save you a lot of unnecessary work!

FREEDOM

And then, finally, unbelievably - you’re done. Your literary child is ready to leave the nest. Resist the urge to keep re-reading and tweaking. Instead, click “publish” and give yourself a nice little treat. You’ve earned it.

Miscellany and Disclaimers

These editing stages are ones that would be applied to a published novel. An author would probably do this several times - once on their own to get it ready for submission, then perhaps again with their agent, but the really heavy work would be done with their editor. The structural edit would be done under the advice of an agent or editor where the author looks at their comments, rejigs things accordingly, and lather, rinse, repeat until everyone’s happy. The editor would undertake the line edit, and the author would decide what they wanted to keep or change. The copy edit and proofread would be done in-house or sent to freelancers, with queries and changes wafted past the author for clarification or approval.

Self-published authors will often hire freelancers to help at various stages to get feedback and advice.

Very rarely would an author go from draft to final published piece by doing all their editing alone. Because it’s hard fucking work, and because your brain will get exhausted.

In light of that, you need to remember:

You’ve written a fanfic

The editorial standards of fanfic are significantly less stringent than published books

Editing by yourself is really hard work that many people are often paid to do for published books

No-one is paying you for your fanfic

Fanfic is supposed to be fun

Some published authors will edit and rewrite and edit and rewrite again and again. At a panel I attended, Joanne Harris said that if she didn’t rewrite her work at least five times she was being too easy on herself, while Joe Hill said he usually aimed for three rewrites - Joe edited as he went along, going over the previous day’s pages before continuing, where Joanne completed her manuscripts before editing. Elizabeth May has talked about her stages of drafting, starting with her Trash Draft, then her Clean Draft, and then rewriting and editing after that.

These are people who are writing professionally, getting paid for their work, and so the time they put in has monetary results. If you want to write original fiction, their advice is extremely valuable.

For fanfiction, it’s a large time investment for something you’re doing as a hobby for free. If I’m strictly honest, I’m fairly lax with my fanfiction editing. I do structural discussions and tweaks with my beta reader as I write, and then a spell check. I’m also aware that my fanfics aren’t narratively complex, nor do they seem as polished, rich and deep as some of the other works out there. That’s fine by me. You simply need to find the level you’re happy at, where you can still feel proud of your work but you’re enjoying the experience.

In the end - it’s all for fun!

Resources:

Online

Curtis Brown Creative: An Editor’s Guide to Editing Your Novel

Joanne Harris: Ten Tweets About Editing

Joanne Harris: Writing Resources

NerdsLikeMe: Beta Reading vs Proofreading vs Editing

Books

Stephen King - On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

Ursula K. Le Guin - Steering the Craft: Exercises and Discussions on Story Writing for the Lone Navigator or the Mutinous Crew

#winterhawk #winterhawk olympic bang #whob #writer workshops #writer workshop: editing #guest post #chronicwhimsy

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apparentlyaswarmofbees · 4 years ago

Note

I've been asking around this one question for a few people now, because I like hearing what people have to say about it...

So I wouldn't mind it if you shared a list on who's your favourite (from Most to Least) from the Obey Me! Crew (Brothers & Formally Undatables)...

Also, please feel free to ramble on about why you placed them in each space...

O-oh dear-

First off, you spoil an infodumper like me too much lol (I am happy sfjsjjdjn) and I am going to go overboard (and changing the order of things) for my own pleasure.

And so...

Second off...

Gladly

Here is My List of LEAST to MOST Favorite of The Obey Me Boys ^^

That I just did on spot because I didn't have one ready because it's hard for me to rate the characters as they all have their traits and even their flaws add something good to the character but I'll be dammed if I don't enjoy deep frying my brain for fun.

Please take note I am taking this literally and all characters in here are FAVORITES, just some will be more and some less, which mean I LIKE ALL OF THEM. Yes, I have changed my opinion on a certain two characters I have said to not like, and I am not ashamed to say I was incorrect.

So let's start this off with the right foot shall we?

#12 | Diavolo

He is still infuriating I won't deny that. And I won't pity him though he is a tragic character that is so lonely he overrates any kind of affection, that doesn't know how to interact with others without exagerating, that has no one to give an oposing opinion because of his status and so it's increasingly hard for him to learn to make good decisions, and with his goal to unite the realms I could almost say he is naive. He's a bit of a puppy always wanting some pets, but as a not dog person, I don't have enough in me to be always playing, so to me an overly needy puppy can end up getting annoying, though of course, I can't help it but at least give it a few pets before going my way.

#11 | Simeon

Yes in the end I actually liked him all along but was just in denial after I thought about it. Simeon is a good character, he's a dick even though he's an angel and he doesn't bother to be any different, he definetelly has his own set of rules he follows and I believe he would be a Chaotic Good just like me. He's well made. And as much as he is pretty unlikeable, the mystery, the questions, the fact that he has always been the same we just didn't get to interact with him much to see it, to have a naturally asshole character put down some of his walls to help us even if part out of possible self interest. And of course he's also fun. Simeon is charming, and I have come to appreciate all of him.

#10 | Luke

A kid. A brat and a tsundere. I Absolutely love the character development and it's extremelly adorable. He's now officially our guardian angel and I love that. He was just a prick that I rolled my eyes so hard whenever I encountered him in the game and now he's just a lil' bratty brother that is fun to tease and squish the cheeks off. He's a really nice kid in the end, just previously ignorant, but still nice because he was willing to learn and change despise saying he didn't want to. I personally can understand Luke as I was pretty alike as a kid. Again, he's a nice kid I would gladly buy some balloons and cotton candy for.

#9 | Barbatos

The number 1 buttler, he's just, a good dude l o l. He has his distance from everyone due to his position but that doesn't make him any less interesting. He is mysterious and powerful and yet he feels, so chill. He's also fun and actually has a pretty soft personality in which he knows exactly when to switch off to strict. He's a character I respect and wish existed in real life so I could be friends with (╥﹏╥).

#8 | Solomon

Shady sorcerer is actually a pretty good guy though mildly insane. He is actually responsable (and takes it pretty seriously seeing he's basically the representative of the human realm). He's kind though again, mildly insane, and diligent. He may have terrible food but the fact he does it with good intentions is pretty adorable, he just likes to follow his instincts and be spontaneous because he likes new and exciting things. He probably has quite a bit of angst to him due to his not only immortality in not aging but also by not being able to be killed but even so it feels that, contrary to how many human immortals end, he still hasn't lost the light in his eyes and can still enjoy things and enjoy being alive, and that is most likely thanks to other immortal/long living beings such as demons.

#7 | Lucifer

Yep. Lucifer is actually a really fucking great character, he's fond of his family, hard worker to the point of destroying himself, self punisher, elegant, pretty af, cute at times. But not exactly my most favorable cup of tea. Seeing I can see through his bullshit all his posessiveness, all his pettiness, all his actions just becomes ridiculous and annoying. And theres also a problem with the fact we always end up submiting to him, I don't want that. For every time he disrespects me I want him to kneel and kiss my feet. His pride collides with my own, and his decisions do too. But even so he is very reliable and so he has my respect for that, I do want to hug him and tell him he deserves nice things and that he can rest now this is not the war anymore you don't have to bow down to anyone anymore you didn't doom your brothers but freed them instead, but then again he makes bad decisions because he has zero braincells for emotional intelligence and that pisses me off and makes me just want to yeet him off a cliff. Yeah Lucifer, I would gladly kick you in the balls with ♡°.•love•.°♡.

#6 | Leviathan

Surprising is it not? But it's true, I often focus on Levi due to him not only being pretty alike to me but also because he's related to many things I have been familiar with since I was born: animes and games. His anxiousness is relatable, the outcastness is relatable, the awkwardness is relatable, the obsession is relatable, the references are relatable, the infodumping is relatable. He's very relatable to me, but not my most favorite, and all because of his envy. He's a guilt tripper, and though I am long immune to it in real life due to extreme exposure to it from my family, it still is enough for his rank to go down. I still love him though, but mostly as the character that represents the thing I am most familiar with in life: myself.

#5 | Beelzebub

Big puppy, he's the type of guy who will talk to plants. He has big and strong hands that could crush anything and yet he will do his best to handle some things gently. He's chill and non judgemental, loyal to the core. Once you win him over, you win him over, he would die for you. He is purposely childish at times and it's cute. He is amazing. I wish I could enjoy eating like he does. He's the only character I truly feel hurt for, as he is deeply inflicted by survivor's guilt and it just pains me I can't comfort him because he isn't real ಥ‿ಥ

#4 | Belphegor

Hoh boy. The brat. The fandom itself is pretty divided on their liking of Belphie and it's understandable lol. But I personally understand Belphie. To hide hurt behind anger, hate and spite, to turn to agression to prove a point but you end up just fucking up. But the guilt and wish to fix things can lead one to giving themselves up, and so it becomes a constant battle of getting close but not too close for the sake of both parties involved. I get this boy more than I wish I ever did, and that's why he's high on the ranking. And because he's cute ngl.

#3 | Satan

H o h b o y, another one that reminds me of myself, only it's the aftermath of the above where one bottles up all their negative feelings because being emotional is not being rational and who the fuck even wants to not be rational. Where you have no fucking idea who you are because all you know is to stomp your feet and scream for the sake of making an statement but that just proved all your enemies a point so now you turn to smarts to prove yourself. To make others angry, to make them frustrated and infuriated with your knowledge because you want to prove yourself, be reconized for who you are, to be someone and also, hopefully, change other people's ways, to make them understand they are wrong because you deep down actually want to get along with them. Yeah, Satan is high on the list, and it's also because he likes detectives uwu.

#2 | Asmodeus

What a fucking icon he is I love him okay. It frustrates me when people use cheating as a angst prompt for him as he's obviously someone who just isn't made for monogamy, and he's pretty honest and I feel he would have nothing to hide and would talk it all out with all his partners. He's a sweetheart that works hard on daily basis and hour after hour to mantain an image, he likes the attention, he wants to be loved. If anyone mildly self centered ever told me 'I love you as much as I love myself' I would marry them on spot. Asmo is just incredibly sweet and I love all his affection and respect him for all the work he does to make a good impression and look up to that self confidence even though most of it is actually just him trying to convince himself. Also perfect example off gender is an ilusion lol.

#1 | Mammon

Yep, our number 1, The Great Mammon, the most lovable dumbass that has been by our side from the start though with a bit of whining. This man is perfect. He has incredible self control over his powers, and as someone who used to be an angel to be able to use money all you want bro. I wouldn't feel bad either. He's our protector from start to end to the point he focuses on us instead of the queen in the Dame event. He isn't stupid just has selective focus just like me! And all the people with ADHD and many other neurodivergents. When he wants something he does is perfectly and diligently, he just needs the right push at the right time. He's the most good of all demons and even angels and he loves all his brothers deeply, he is always there to support everyone to the point of even allowing himself to be the punching bag for the sake of them not turning too much on one another. He was literally our first SSR card, our first call, our first pact, our first and the best. He IS great, truly.

#god I need to sleep #any typos are due to sleep deprivedness and I will be fixing later #obey me #obey me!#obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date?

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elencelebrindal · 4 years ago

Note

How much do you think a Pandora's box and Gold Cloth weighs?

I’ve been thing about it for a long time, now, but I’m really awful at estimating the weight of anything. Although, if we take into account that a full steel plate armor can have a weight of up to 25kg, I think it’s safe to assume that a Gold Cloth might be a lot heavier (especially considering the fact that it’s armor worn by Saints, and they are way stronger than a normal human, so it wouldn’t be weird for the Cloths to be awfully heavy). Also, I’m pretty sure tournament armors weight a lot more than those 25kg, but those were not suitable for a real battle, so I didn’t want to put them into this equation.

The thing is, I have no idea how to calculate something like this. I can only take a guess, and that guess would probably be spectacularly wrong.

Also, Gold Cloths are not made of actual gold (that would have been terrifyingly heavy), so... I don’t know. It’s also possible that they are actually light, and only become heavy when the person wearing/carrying them is not “worthy” (just like what happened with Seiya at the beginning, with him being unable to lift his Pandora’s box), but I don’t think this could be the case. Mostly because I like the idea of those Cloths being heavy as all hell.

I think it’s safe to say that a more fantasy approach is necessary, with this. I can’t exactly use real world armor as a comparison, because it’s obviously less heavy than what a Gold Cloth would probably weigh. What makes me think that these armors are heavy is the effect they have on impact. Sure, you may say “but they’re just yeeting them at the speed of sound” and yeah, you’re right, but there’s also proof of them completely disintegrating the ground on impact when they’re not being thrown around at the speed of sound (or higher). So, the next plausible thing is: these armors are freaking heavy. Think Skyrim armor heavy. Something around... eh, probably between 60 and 100kg, to be unrealistic. Yes, these are stats that I shamelessly stole from Skyrim, but it’s my only fantasy comparison so leave me be.

The Gold God Cloths are even heavier, so it’s logical to assume that the wearer needs to have an exceptionally strong cosmo to wear it, not only to endure the strain it puts on the cosmo itself, but also on the body.

Now, I know these numbers are crazy, and there’s plenty more people that are way more qualified than me when it comes to answering something like this, but honestly? I cannot imagine those things to weigh less than that. The Bronze Cloths can maybe weigh as much as a real suit of armor, maybe a bit more, while Silver Cloths are half the weigh of a Gold one (depending on how many pieces they have, of course), but Gold Cloths... Yeah, those are a real deal.

There are Cloth totems that are literally bigger than a person. Take the Sagittarius Cloth, for example: its totem is probably twice the size of a normal person, overall. That’s a lot of pieces that end up overlapping and/or snapping together when worn. It has to be heavy.

The Libra Cloth has twelve weapons as part of it, those are definitely heavy on their own.

I’m not going off of dimensions when worn, because the Cloths adapt to the person wearing them (so it’s possible that a Cloth as big as Taurus when worn can become a lot smaller), but I’m pretty sure the weight would not change. It’s not like the Cloth adapts and leaves behind parts of it, I think it’s more complicated than that (although, I also tend to look way too much into things, so don’t mind me too much). Kurumada probably never even cared about this stuff, and I’m making it more difficult just for the fun of it. Or because I hate myself, who knows.

My point is: they’re heavy, they’re impossible to be worn by a normal person that has no cosmo (or a weak one) and no proper training (and we know the training to become Saints is terrible), and they’re made of fictional materials so there’s no way of correctly estimating their weight. (I mean, orichalcum actually exists, but it cannot be used with stardust sand and gammanium, I’d say). A Pandora’s box is probably the weigh of the armor plus the weight of the box itself, and we can see how thick the walls of the box are. It’s probably half the weight of the armor, if not less, assuming it’s made of the same exact material. But this is even worse for me to try and figure it out, so I’ll leave it at that.

And I’m pretty sure the Gold Saints are thankful their armors are not made of actual gold, because gold is fucking heavy. A standard gold bar weighs around 12kg, if I remember correctly (though a google search to confirm it might be helpful). Imagine an entire armor.

Anyway, please don’t take this too seriously. Again, I don’t have the brain power to do this kind of math, and I probably never will.

#saint seiya #i cavalieri dello zodiaco #los caballeros del zodiaco #os cavaleiros do zodiaco #knights of the zodiac #gold cloths #armor #my brain is not equipped for this kind of work

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maverick-werewolf · 5 years ago

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(Resending in case your askbox turned into a werewolf and ate it) Going off of the angst anon, how much werewolf angst would you say is the Goldilocks of werewolf angst? Just asking 'cause I've read too many stories where all the main character does is whine ("ohwoeisme").

Oh man, there’s so much for me to say about this. It’s a topic close to my heart, one might say. I know there is no way I’ll get all my thoughts about this out in one post because my brain won’t consolidate all my thoughts at once like this and there’s always more I could add, but I’ll do my best.

I have very particular opinions on the whole “werewolf angst” thing because what the werewolf community talks about as “werewolf angst” is something I greatly enjoy writing.

I think it’s all about reframing what “werewolf angst” is - and figuring out why it can so often come across as just a character “whining.”

Bear with me. I’m going to do some breaking down, here. I promise I’ll get to the point. I’m a professor, I ramble a lot and wave my hands around before I finally make my final statement.

First of all, calling it “angst” isn’t doing it any favors. Referring to it as “angst” makes it sound immature and silly. Baseless. Unimportant. It makes them “whining” about being a werewolf seem ultimately like it’s not a big deal, and they need to focus on more important things.

So what do we mean by angst? People on the internet mean the very modern idea of angst, like teen angst. One informal definition of angst is as follows:

a feeling of persistent worry about something trivial.

The formal definition of angst is:

a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically an unfocused one about the human condition or the state of the world in general.

The root of “angst” comes from fear, and the root of that root comes from “tight, painfully constricted, painful.”

We have made the word “angst” into something base and trivial. It originally wasn’t. However, the werewolf fandom as a whole tends to refer to someone upset about their lycanthropy in this way, and they tend to mean the modern definition (as most people today do).

Personally, I prefer to refer to this as “werewolf anxiety” rather than “werewolf angst.”

Werewolf Anxiety vs Werewolf Angst

There are a few reasons I prefer calling it anxiety.

This - that is, being a werewolf, and not wanting to be a werewolf - is a big deal for the character. This isn’t something people should refer to as “angst,” because that implies a lot of things that, by nature of this issue, should not be true (i.e., all the things I said about it being unimportant/trivial/a passing thing/etc).

And, as we all know, anxiety is a big deal and a very bad thing. It’s not something we want to have. Likewise, being a werewolf is not something these characters want to have. And let’s face it: being a werewolf wouldn’t make you “angsty,” it’d make you anxious.

Think about all that’d come with it. It’s a lot. The not wanting to be discovered, worrying about how people would treat you differently, wondering if people would want to kill you, worrying about people hunting you, wondering about the things you might’ve done… the list goes on and on and on.

This is, of course, assuming the werewolf in question is the kind that transforms against their will and loses control of themselves. That is what I’m referring to throughout this post.

Secondly, let’s think about some of the characters and stories where we see “werewolf angst.” In a good werewolf story, it shouldn’t be something referred to as “angst” simply because, again, by nature, it would not be something trivial.

Worrying about this, or complaining about it (via narration, dialogue, or whatever else) is something they would do because it is a very big deal. Any reasonable character would be worrying and complaining about it, vocally or to themselves. They’d be upset more than “complaining.” Stressing over it horribly. It’s a bad thing, a bad situation, and they don’t like it and wish it was different.

Angsting is something you do over getting zits when you hit puberty. Complaining is something you do when you didn’t get a pickle at the drive thru and can’t go back to ask for one. Werewolf characters shouldn’t “angst” or “complain” because what’s happening to them is a much, much bigger deal than that.

So how do we make it feel that way?

The necessary balance to doing that and making it believable is to make werewolves themselves a big deal: they need to be scary and taken seriously. In a world where werewolves are not remotely terrifying and everyone makes constant jokes about them, then yes, of course the person upset over being a werewolf is going to come across as a whiner.

A werewolf’s problems in a world where the protagonist is genuinely upset about it shouldn’t include “lol, you turn into a dog, bro” and “lol ur biggest problem is chasing the mailman and pissing on fire hydrants” and “omg ur shedding, u smell like wet dog!!”.

Their problems are actually killing and eating people. Killing families. Causing destruction. Death. Devouring flesh. Doing bad, terrible, horrible things that any sane and even remotely good-hearted person would be deeply upset to even imagine that they do, especially if they cannot remember even doing it or who or what they did it to.

Does this mean they should complain about it constantly? No, not at all. Does doing so make them a bit of a one-note character? Yes, absolutely.

A character shouldn’t exist solely to show us what werewolves are like in a setting, they shouldn’t exist just so their lycanthropy can be a one-off mystery plotline or subplot. They’ll never once be an interesting character if they’re created for that purpose, and when that story is over, they’ll just whine and flail constantly.

I won’t name names and upset people, as I know he is a popular character, but there is one character I know of in particular who existed to be “omg, you’re a werewolf!” and when that plotline was over, he served no purpose and had nothing else to offer as a character. None whatsoever.

When he showed up once everyone found out he was a werewolf, he’d just shout and smack and go nuts saying “oh my gosh, how could you even be friends with a werewolf!?” and then try to push everyone away constantly and never let anyone close. He was always mad and upset about something. We never got to see him be a person, just “that guy who is upset about being a werewolf.”

Sure, a character can have phases of that, but they have to get over it (even if it takes multiple books!), or they’re making no character progression at all.

Why was this character upset in the first place? We only saw the werewolf growl at some people and yeet away into some woods. And oh no, people arguably treat him poorly for it (even though we never actually see that). Werewolves in that setting aren’t hunted like animals. They aren’t considered monsters incapable of being human ever again. And if they’re treated all that differently then, again, we never actually see it to feel like his complaining is justified.

So where is the happy medium found?

It’s found in making being a werewolf actually a bad thing that we can clearly see and making that character human and relatable enough to be upset about it - while also having a character of their own beyond “oh no, I’m so sad I’m a werewolf!” That should not be their only character trait. Show us they’re also human. Show us they’re like us, how upsetting this would be if it happened to us.

Make it real.

A werewolf is a person, too. They’re just like the rest of us. Imagine being put into this situation. It’d be terrifying.

Make a character who is a character first and a werewolf second. Make a character, make them a werewolf, and put them into this situation and see how they react. A good person will react naturally without the anxiety and upset going overboard.

They need to have things going on other than being a werewolf. Subplots, other character interactions, moments when the werewolf itself gets to shine. Moments when we build toward that character overcoming the werewolf anxiety. And intermittent in those moments, you can have the character being upset about it vocally, but the anxiety over it should be apparent in their thoughts and actions throughout. Anxiety lingers and flares. This would, too. But like anxiety, they’d also have moments when they overcome it - even if, like anxiety, it comes back to haunt them later.

Just put the reader into the character’s shoes and what people call “werewolf angst” becomes something much bigger, much scarier, much more upsetting, and much more real. It becomes werewolf anxiety. It becomes something they need to conquer, and I know there are a lot of us who can relate to trying to overcome anxieties... be they unreal, supernatural, and incredibly dangerous, or otherwise.

And we want to see the character conquer it somehow, and when they “complain,” they are justly upset and we feel sorry for them, because we see this and we see how terrible it is all the time throughout the story.

That is the difference.

Bottom line…

The moment werewolves and being a werewolf becomes trivial, being upset about it is made trivial, too.

#asks #anonymous #werewolf #werewolves #werewolf angst #writing #werewolf writing #fiction writing #writing tips

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asrasotherbottom · 6 years ago

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First, I hope you get all the support and love you deserve dear. ^^ You are FANTASTIC! Second, I am clinically depressed with high anxiety. How would the six handle someone with those qualities? The fretting and low, days where you want to disappear, worrying that no one really cares it just an act?

Thank you!

I’m writing this based on my experiences and the experiences of those close to me, and i 100% understand those aren’t universal. and my interpretations of the characters are not Law or universal. I just wanna say blanketly, that I hope youre doing alright and that you also get the support and love you deserve and that you are safe. Content warning for suicidal ideation (that feeling where youd rather just not exist without like A Desire to act), anxiety, depression. Under a readmore so please take care of yourself and don’t click if you might be negatively effected by reading about this also its long as hell.

Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386.

Asra:

- His heart literally aches with you

-Brings you tea in bed for days that you cant leave bed either because depression or because anxiety

-Will sit with you for hours just so you’re not alone, even if youre feeling awful.

-Cares 50000% less about the shop than he does about you, and if youre having a bad brain day he will just lock up and sit with you and hold your hand.

-Will encourage you to get out a little if you can, maybe for a nice walk in the woods to collect mushrooms with him because sometimes getting out and doing something helps.

-Is good at finding secluded secret ways to get around bc fuck people.

-He’s bffs with Muriel so hes pretty good with dealing with self loathing and anxiety already.

-Asra i think has a really good response to the “nobody cares and its just an act” because his magic mark will just glow when he puts his hand over your heart and its really hard to argue with “made a deal with the devil to resurrect you” if the argument is “nobody actually cares” and that was 100% his choice and hes not afraid to tell you that.

-Can, will, wants to, just ramble at you at length about how much he loves you and exactly why and will spend hours refuting your arguments which is tiring but maybe helps you feel a little better by the end.

-If things are just So Bad? If you want to disappear? he’ll nap with you just to be close to you and keep you safe.

-Will bring you to his oasis to walk around and help keep you safe if you really just want to disappear and he’ll try to cheer you up there which is admittedly mostly just pointing at tiny weird magic bugs and stars (but at least your body is safe).

-Deep deep down he’s still the person who brought his mom a button when she was sick so he’ll try anything to cheer you up. Faust too.

-He’ll even talk to Julian to see if he knows anything or anything to ease your pain a little.

-Will sit and just Listen to all your pain and be just Present for you.

-He loves you more than life itself and will definitely be receptive to anything you say about things that might help.

Julian-

-Extremely similar hat.

-But goddamnit if you made HIM feel better about being alive and worthy and deserving of love, he is absolutely going to return the favor.

-Anxiety? he knows all the back alleys to avoid people

-Doesn’t mind staying home from the rowdy raven to sit with you if youre too anxious to go.

-If you need a small dark quiet place to be alone and calm down? Hes got just the place (the hole at maz’s and he’ll even come in with you if you want because it makes you smile to see you both try to cram in there)

-Depression or anxiety making food hard? Some of maz’s soup will fix you right up.

-You find him in the middle of the night pouring over medical texts about depression and anxiety, looking for anything to help you at all.

-He’ll sit up with you on nights that you cant sleep because of anxiety or because youre just too sad.

-He’ll definitely lay in bed with you while you cry.

-He found someone who truly and entirely loves him and he will cling to you for dear life, and tell you all the things he loves about you whenever you need or want to hear them.

-He probably is gonna try a leech at least once.

-Brings you to the docks at night because its calm and peaceful and away from everything.

-After his upright end he definitely learned the importance of a support system and isnt afraid to enlist it to help keep you happy and safe.

Nadia-

- Shes extremely concerned that someone who lights up her entire life can be so sad.

-But shes not about to sit back and do Nothing.

-She can and will cancel any event or meeting if it means she can sit in bed with you and hold you while you cry or if her presence with you soothes some of your anxiety.

-She’ll bring you to her contemplation tower if you need a place to just get away from everything thats making you anxious.

-Will also bring you to the magical realms to help keep you safe and help cheer you up.

-Enlists the finest doctors that she can find if you’d like.

-She’ll take long baths with you where you two can just sit in the hot water and you can cry while she strokes your hair.

-If you feel like shes just faking her affections towards you then expect a bit of a surprised scoff followed by a 4 hour powerpoint presentation about every single thing she loves about you and how you make her feel

-You feel like youre not good enough? “I’m the fucking countess and i could have had literally anyone in vesuvia or beyond but i want you”

-Will pick you up and spin you if she sees you smile because shes just so happy to see you happy.

-Horseback riding as a way to help clear your head and escape anxiety is a given.

-Shes really attentive to making sure you stay fed, in fresh clothes, and bathed, even during bad depressive times so that it doesnt pile on to your bad feelings.

Muriel-

-If not same hat then EXTREMELY similar hat

-Lives in the forest so hes all about that avoiding social anxiety life.

-If you ever feel unsafe Inanna can and will lay entirely on top of you.

-Feeding chickens and petting inanna as anxiety relief for both of you.

-He’ll definitely hold you against his chest or with your head in his lap while you cry if you need it.

-Muriel hates seeing you sad, and doesnt always know exactly what to do or say but he’ll make you eggs all the time to make sure youre still eating when youre sad.

-Will remind you that youre like the only person hes ever truly let in to his heart and he doesnt want to lose you.

-Will also remind you that he gave you the myrrh voluntarily because he….wants you to remember him. hes never wanted to be remembered before. he never asked for it back.

- He really empathizes with wanting to disappear but he doesnt want that when hes with you and he wants to work hard to help you feel the same way with him.

-Long quiet walks in the forest together.

-He’ll take you stargazing and tell you all the things he loves about the beauty of the forest and the stars…and you.

-Big Hugs for Big Sads

-Enlists asra and nadia’s help if he feels he needs it, but he cares about you enough that he’d willingly seek out help for you.

Portia-

-Yeets pepi at you Like A Football.

-”Peep?? Peep Peep”

-Youre gonna feel better if it kills her.

-Gardening to help with sadness, touching dirt always helps. She’ll spend hours with you in the garden, helping you create like beauty with your hands.

-Chase the goddamn cockatoo with a broom to make you smile.

-Enlist’s Maz and Maz’s soup as well.

-Helps you find secret passageways to hide in when your anxiety is too much.

-Too sad to leave bed? Portia will carry you and your blanket.

-Is having none of that “oh what if you dont actually love me” business. She’s super used to Julian’s self loathing and depression that shes moved on to slightly tougher love.

-She loves you and shes going to keep telling you that and shes not going anywhere.

-She gets soft when you cry though and will cling to you for dear life and not move for hours.

-”How dare you talk about the person i love like that” - Portia, to you, when you talk about reasons you hate yourself.

-Cries with you though.

-Doesn’t like when she has to go to work when you’re in a bad mental space so shes asks nadia for you to have just a nice room in the palace reserved for you that you can lay in so she can come check on you during the day.

-Shes great for bad anxiety days because she has no problem doing social interactions for you. The thought of going to buy some herbs brings you to tears? No problem, she has no idea what herbs shes buying but shes Gonna Do It.

-The strength of Portias hugs is liable to just squeeze the depression right out of you along with also your internal organs probably.

Lucio-

-”How can you be depressed?? You’re dating ME, the COUNT! ……….Can I help?”

-He definitely tries to use his sex appeal to lighten your mood, it probably works sometimes (or at least gets a laugh out).

-Gets extremely startled when you cry but holds you tight against him.

-Cancels meetings, cancels plants, cancels the entirety of the Vesuvia if he has to in order to stay in bed with you when youre having a bad depression day.

-You can cry into M&M’s fur as long as you’re not wearing any makeup :P

-Gets worried and hides the pointy tips for his gauntlet.

-Absolutely having none of the “nobody really cares and its just an act” hes the COUNT! He could have anyone anytime he wanted! You were the first warmth and compassion he felt in years! The first person to really actually love him for /him/! he gets way more emotional than he plans to but he feels very strongly about this

- 4 hour powerpoint presentation on all the reasons hes into you

-Tries really hard to find material things that will help your mood. Gold? Silk? Furs? Sweets? Watching fistfights? Anything?

- He knows what its like to really disappear and hes not about to let that happen to you.

-He’ll never admit it to anyone but you but hes clinging to you with everything he has and he will work tirelessly to help support you.

-”Will petting my hair help you relax”

-Ropes Julian, Nadia,and Asra into things to help you, but they dont mind because its You theyre helping really.

-Anxiety? “Oh don’t worry, I’ll make /sure/ all eyes are on me” it maybe doesnt help exactly as intended but watching him be ridiculous eases the tension a little.

-Deep deep down he knows in his soul Deep Sadness and it makes him surprisingly good at supporting you.

i hope this was what you wanted!!!!

#Anonymous #nadia #julian #asra #muriel #portia #lucio #the arcana #depression #anxiety #mine

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gay4eraser · 6 years ago

Text

ZOMBIE APOC AU IDEAS

This is based on me dying over zombie apocalypse concepts and logistics and such. I've honestly thought a Lot about it and why and how the disease itself works and hdgdjefhrj i'm obsessed with zombies

Anyways

The zombie apocalypse is somehow worse and better in a universe with quirks

On one hand, zombie can't use quirks because they typically require higher brain functions. On the OTHER hand, heteromorphic quirks, or subconscious quirks exist. Zombies with uncontrolled superpowers.

Society is kinda in shambles but is also holding out surprisingly well especially because the heroes still alive are frantically trying to keep everything from descending into UTTER chaos

Aizawa was basically being thrown around the country by the govt to help take down zombies with working quirks until he said FUCK ALL OF THIS and just went solo and is still worked to death but on his terms now, bitch

Mic is Crazy Useful in this situation because his volume can distract hordes zombies or take out entire fucking streets full because decomposing bodies can't withstand the same force healthy ones can

Also Mic is struggling so hard and trying to find his boyfriend who yeeted off into the shadows. They hear updates about him every now and then but nobody can ever nail him down

All Might is Struggling even more because he's trying to help every chance he gets but the apocalypse happened AFTER his injury so he can only help so often and the rest of his time is spent trying to not get killed by overzealous zombie hunters because this man doesn't look like he's alive

Seriously All Might goes to help out every fucking possible chance he has which means he's constantly running his quirk to the wire and generally only has a few minutes to his big form at a time, he's just CONSTANTLY using it

He's in terrible shape gdi he's probably not very far from keeling over at any given moment

AND THAT'S WHEN AIZAWA RUNS ACROSS HIM LOL

Actually at this point it's known by a lot of people that All Might has a smaller form because of how often he's been poofing in and out without control but everyone whose seen him keeps it as kind of an open secret like. A lot of people know but the world is ending whose gonna gossip bout it now when this dude's half dead because he's trying to save their asses??

All Might is like Aizawa and running around trying to help/survive at every available opportunity and working himself to the bone

Aizawa happens to watch All Might himfuckingself Detroit Smash a street full of zombies and then poof and pass tf out

Aizawa grabs his ass and drags him to safety cussing the whole way and nearly decapitated him when Yagi woke tf up and punched him in the throat on reflex

"Are you sure you're still alive jfc man" "yeah I get that a lot..."

They team up in their self destructive zombie hunting and get kinda famous

"So what was your life like before this" ",,,All Might doesnt exactly get a personal life, so uh... LETS TALK ABOUT YOU what about you lol" "...I had a boyfriend" "...oh. is he dead?" "God no I can hear him taking out hordes half the city away all the time i just haven't been able to see him"

Fast forward "...Aizawa does your boyfriend?? Know you're still alive???" "....f U CK"

All this time Aizawa and Yagi are slow building this super awkward sexual and romantic tension and it Nearly comes to a head at one point but Yagi flips his shit like "...OH MY GOD he has a BOYFRIEND" every time and backs tf away meanwhile Aizawa knows Yamada Polyam Ho Hizashi would be fucking thrilled if Aizawa managed to bone All Might and is trying to let Yagi like go at his own pace

It's not gonna happen Yagi thinks he's trying to cheat on his boyfriend

Until yadda yadda timeskip Mic manages to catch up to them and he's like "YOOOO ERASERHEAD I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LEFT THE GOVT BEEN DOIN ME DIRTY TOO BUT BABE WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU"

Then smooches him hard (like, several minute "oh my god the world is ending and I havent seen you in like half a year" lips locked hard MAKEOUT) and Yagi's about to feel bad and angsty and all "see he's got a boyfriend" and then aizawa be like "zashi this is all might and i've been trying to kiss him for months will you PLEASE tell him i'm allowed to"

The end lol I should write this, i'm obsessed enough with zombies AND allerasermic that it wouldn't be much of a problem

#my stuff #bnha #my hero academia #this is a lot rip #allerasermic #erasermic #zombie au #yagi toshinori #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi

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sapphoslibrary · 6 years ago

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Could you pleaseeeee do “You, me, blanket fort.” for wolfstar pleaseeee

sorry this took so long! writing motivation yeeted itself out of my brain, but its back, so here it is. thanks for the request anon!

“You, me, blanket fort.”

The letter lay on the bed beside Sirius, crinkled and damp. His head was turned away from it, his eyes carefully avoiding looking at that cursive handwriting he so hated. The same cursive that was printed into his arm, showing itself in the words he heard every day for so many years.

To Sirius Orion,

I am writing to inform you that as of last night, you have been disowned from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Your name was removed from the Black Family tapestry by your father and I. You will no longer be permitted to any family events or gatherings.

Walburga I. D. Black

Sirius didn’t know why it upset him so much. He had chosen to run away, hadn’t he? He brought this upon himself.

Something inside of him just didn’t feel… right. It was a weird feeling. He didn’t want to be anywhere near that house, hadn’t wanted to since he was ten and had gotten his first Crucio. That was the day he decided he would get out of that house, one way or another. And he kept thinking that, until two months ago when he finally did leave.

But for some reason, Sirius was crying over being disowned. Even though he’d wanted it for years, he was lying in bed with his blanket pulled almost over his head, silently weeping into the bedsheet.

If his own parents didn’t want him, why would anyone else? There was something wrong with him. It would be best to just leave the magical world, do something that would get him expelled from Hogwarts. Maybe just leave, with no explanation, run away to Hawaii and start his life over. Or just end it all now. If people in the magical world don’t want him, why would those in the Muggle world be any different?

Don’t think like that, a small voice in the back of Sirius’s head said. He groaned audibly, as though that little voice could hear it.

Sirius wished he could just have a different life. Be someone else, someone happier, someone better, someone with a purpose. Because he knew he didn’t have much of a purpose. He was just… existing, a background character in someone else’s story.

His thoughts were cut off by a soft knock at the door. Sirius didn’t answer though, only curled further into himself, not wanting anyone to see him like this.

“You in there, Pads?” Remus called, pressing his ear against the door.

“No,” Sirius called back. Remus smiled and rolled his eyes, unlocking the door with a simple unlocking spell. “I said no,” Sirius repeated, and Remus started to smile, but dropped it when he heard sniffling. He frowned, rushing over and sitting on the side of the bed.

“What’s up?” He asked gently, placing his hand on Sirius’s back. Sirius shivered, as he always did when someone touched him without warning, but he didn’t flinch away. When Sirius didn’t respond or give any indication that he’d heard, Remus repeated the question.

Sirius turned his head to face Remus, his cheeks and eyes red. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it as his bottom lip began to tremble again. He shook his head and passed Remus the letter beside him.

Remus carefully smoothed out the parchment, tracing his finger along the handwriting as he read to himself the words that had broken Sirius. “I’m so sorry, Sirius.” Remus laid down, not bothering to take his shoes off. He opened his arms, holding Sirius tight against him. “Is there anything I can do?”

Sirius backed away the tiniest bit and looked into Remus’s eyes. “Will you stay with me? Just for a few minutes, then you can go back to your classes.” Remus sighed and pressed a kiss into Sirius’s hair.

“You know I’m not gonna leave. You’re stuck with me. Now, do you want to talk about it, or be distracted from it?” Remus asked, something he’d picked up from James. He always asked that question when something was wrong, and Remus always thought it was smart.

Sirius shrugged, burying his face back in Remus’s sweater. “Distract me.”

“‘Course. Let’s see, what can we do that won’t get us caught being out of class?” Remus thought out loud, looking around the room. A stack of blankets on a rack caught his eye, and Remus gasped, a normal thing he did when he got an idea. “If your up for it, we could try to build our own little fort.”

Sirius laughed a bit. “I’m sorry?”

“Have you never made a blanket fort?” Remus asked, shocked. Sirius shook his head. “Oh my god, Siri. You haven’t lived until you’ve made and destroyed a fort. C’mon, get up. You, me, blanket fort. Now.” Remus pulled Sirius up and Sirius chuckled, wiping his face with the back of his free hand. Remus ran to the other side of the room where the blankets sat and started throwing them to Sirius two at a time.

Within two minutes, Sirius’s arms were filled with different shades of red blankets. His chin was resting on top, keeping them from falling over. “Jesus Christ Re. Couldn’t have given me a bit more instruction?”

“Just follow along. You’re smart, you’ll catch on,” Remus shrugged, and Sirius breathed out a laugh. This was definitely not what he meant when he asked for a distraction. He muttered ‘sweet Merlin’ under his breath and dropped the blankets to the floor.

Remus picked the top blanket up and gestured for Sirius to do the same. “Tie a corner around Pete’s bedpost, and make sure it’s not gonna fall. You’ll ruin the whole thing if it falls, no pressure.” Sirius obeyed, tying a tight knot in the blanket. Remus did the same with a different one, on James’s bed.

“Now do the other corner, but on your bed.” Remus walked Sirius through each step, and by the end, Sirius could call himself a master of blanket fort building.

The pair lay under their canopy of blankets, Sirius’s head on Remus’s shoulder, finally smiling, really smiling. He didn’t do that very often anymore, and when he did, Remus had to resist the urge to take a picture.

Remus was reading to him, from a text book for a class Sirius didn’t take, but he didn’t care. It was still Remus’s voice. Remus could probably read every single letter Sirius had gotten from his family and Sirius would still enjoy it.

Sirius eventually closed his eyes, though he wasn’t asleep. Remus closed the text book at this point and Sirius looked up, kissing Remus on the lips.

“Consider me distracted.”

#sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #wolfstar one shot #wolfstar angst #sirius black angst #wolfstar fluff #walburga black #hey look i wrote #thats new #james potter #peter pettigrew #marauders #anonymous #requests

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ibeofthedragons · 5 years ago

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Don't you just love it when your trying to do something or having a conversation with someone but your brain decided to yeet itself out of existence about an hour before?

I was trying to have a conversation with my friend about the seven deadly sins as characters for a project and his was Lust... I for some reason was thinking about the one from Full Metal Alchemists instead of what we were ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT

I shouldn't be allowed to think at this point

#fml

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what-even-is-thiss · 6 years ago

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I wrote a creative essay about my least favorite aunt. Yeet.

Read it if you’d like. I’m just happy to finally get the damage she caused me mostly dealt with to the point where I feel comfortable writing about it.

Language Barrier

Whenever I speak in German my expressions and hand gestures suddenly become ridiculously animated, like I’m trying to make up for my lack of vocabulary with a sign language that hasn’t been invented yet. One that only I know the meaning of. I flap my hands around like a maniac and point to things I don’t know the words for and make broken sentences that sound like a caveman made them as I misgender inanimate objects left and right.

Das. Das. That. That. This. This.

I can physically feel my brain rewiring itself. I speak like fool. Wrong order spoken are words. Sometimes anxiety make cry me. Social kind.

However, I speak much more German than my uncle’s mother and stepfather speak of English so I’m forced to use what I can and hope they can understand my thick American accent as we stay with them in Southern Germany. Everyone keeps trying to reassure me that my German is very good, but I can’t stop out of order speaking.

Kann ich habe Brot mehr bitte? Can I having bread more please?

I want to crawl into a hole and die.

My grandmother warned me that a person can grow tired of the amount of bread that Germans eat and according to that Bible thing that we both read man cannot live by bread alone. I’m starting to understand both of those things, eating bread and jam for breakfast yet again because I don’t like butter with marmalade and there’s no cheese left.

The weather, unlike my breakfast or Deutsche Grammatik, is perfect. Slightly cold, sunny and overcast at the same time. The neighborhood that my uncle’s parents live in is beautiful, suburban, on the edge of Schwartzwald, known in English as the Black Forest. I can’t remember the name of the town but I do know that we tried to get a brewery tour and my aunt, her twins, and I waited in the van as my uncle talked loudly at somebody in a local dialect until he got out of them that they don’t do tours anymore.

We went to a rope climbing course instead. My uncle, tall and skinny, balding, fit, took the twins, boy and girl, skinny like their dad, not taking after their mother, my mother’s sister, and went rope climbing in Schwartzwald.

I’m stuck talking with my aunt as we stand below the ropes course and I’m tired of speaking in German so we both take time to find comfort in each other’s distinctly Californian manner of speaking.

My aunt is a character. That’s a polite way to describe her if you don’t want to speak ill of someone that’s not in the room. She wears no makeup except for when she’s getting her picture taken or going somewhere important and she always looks stressed and tired with her eyes just a little too wide open. She’s maybe four inches shorter than me but she has the ability to make me feel like I only come up to her waist. In my mind she’s always wearing a knee length beige skirt and a green t-shirt even though she owns other articles of clothing than that, including more than 20 pairs of shoes. Her eyes are wide and her hands move in an animated fashion even when she speaks English. When she speaks German she becomes an exaggerated version of herself, perhaps to make up for her thick American accent and occasionally sketchy grammar. She has lived in Switzerland since the 90s and spoken German since the 80s. I once asked her how to tell what a noun’s grammatical gender is. She told me that she had no idea.

I didn’t know my mother for very long before she died but my grandmother tells me that when my mom was young, to describe her sister, she quoted a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. The one about the little girl with the little curl who when she was good she was very good and when she was bad she was horrid.

My aunt’s hair is straight, but other than that the poem describes her very well. Today would be a day she was horrid.

I don’t claim to be a perfect human being. I can be a bitch sometimes just like anybody else. The thing is though, my aunt never let me know when I was doing something bitchy like a normal person would. Instead she let me keep on doing it until she was ready to explode. And then she exploded.

Or, no. Not exactly being bitchy. Just doing something that she didn’t understand or like. She’s a very animated person and her voice goes like

And

Up.

Down.

All the time.

She’s very expressive. I, on the other hand, am not that excitable. I smile, yes, I cry, yes, but I try to be stoic. I like being stoic. It feels natural. I don’t want to express to everyone around me every time I am excited or upset. In my opinion it’s none of their business. I also tend to express gratitude through actions and gift giving rather than hurting my face and voice smiling and screaming all of the time.

I had thought bringing gifts from America, delivering onto my aunt’s family the ever elusive box of grits and Bakersfield candy and trinkets from Disneyland Anaheim would show gratitude. I was under the impression that helping to cook dinner, pack the van, refill the ice trays, take care of the twins, carry the groceries, clean the house, would show how much I loved her. I learned though, in a firestorm under the canopy of dark trees and children riding on zip lines that our love languages didn’t translate properly and she thought that my lack of expressiveness meant that I hated her. She was hysterical about it. I then expressed myself by changing into a lovely shade of red and producing saltwater from my eyes.

Climbing hills is a thing you get used to when you spend time in Central Europe. Walking for three or four kilometers isn’t such a feat in a valley, where the ground is flat and rarely changes, but in hilly terrain you quickly learn just how long that distance is and how much walking can hurt. Locals take no pity on you because they expect that everyone has those muscles built up in their legs when you’ve never had to use your legs like that for long stretches of time before.

Navigating emotion and expectations at home is easy. There is one language being spoken and everyone uses it to tell each other what’s wrong. When staying with my aunt for long periods of time, however, you start to understand emotional exhaustion. Something that would take half a minute to communicate takes up ten minutes of screaming because she expected you to know everything. A flat crowded city turns into a hilly countryside with no help for miles. You quickly learn how to swear in German because she pushes her husband to screaming as well.

Scheiße.

Eventually my uncle finished with the ropes course and pulled me away from her. He gently explained to me in English what we were going to be doing for the next few days. I stopped leaking water from my eyes and tried to remember what had prompted her to start yelling at me but I couldn’t figure it out. Another talent she has. Distracting you from linear events.

While I was in Germany there was a terrorist attack in Münich. Brexit was fresh in everyone’s minds. My first presidential election would be happening in November. I only understood about half of what was said on the news. My little cousins and their dad took turns translating for me. I had the feeling that I still wasn’t getting the whole story.

My aunt and uncle have twins. Test Tube Babies. The girl is the older twin but strangely enough doesn’t hold it over her brother’s head, which would fit perfectly with her personality. The boy takes after his mother in some respects, namely her loud voice.

When we went to Prague we stayed in a campground because that’s a lot cheaper than a hotel and that family affords a second house because they’re stingy. Almost every morning it was a struggle to get the boy out of bed. He and his sister were almost ten and he screamed and refused to move. He cried. He was loud. No amount of discipline worked. His sister stood around quietly going about her business, as did I. We did the same thing when her parents got into screaming matches.

Prague is an old city. A busy city. I loved it, even with all of the pay toilets and Czech bluntness. Even when an angry Czech lady smoking a cigarette yelled at me in broken English for not knowing that I had to pay for the restroom. The old castles and cathedrals and statues and just the right amount of dirtiness in the subway more than made up for it.

My aunt payed for me to go look at a museum that she didn’t want to look at. She told me to take all the time I wanted as the rest of the family waited outside. I didn’t sense any passive aggressiveness that time, so I did. It was a complex that was part of the Prague art museum, a system spread out around the city. The section I walked through by myself was a collection of medieval Roman Catholic art. Stained glass windows, paintings, tapestries. I’m a Lutheran that lives with atheists, so my experience with Catholic art is mostly non existent. Atheists don’t have religious figures to draw and Lutherans are extremely stingy with their images, worried about crossing into the realm of idolatry.

One thing I noticed was that Mary appeared everywhere, even in stories I thought she didn’t belong. In some images she stood equal with Jesus, reminding me of a female God. She seemed mature, different from the outcasted teenage mother I had told children about in Sunday School classes. Different from the refugee that had been painted for me in sermons. I wondered what kind of mother this Mary was. I wondered what her Hebrew sounded like. Or, maybe this Mary spoke Czech and the Mary in Germany spoke German and the Mary in the Vatican spoke Latin and the Mary my Catholic friends at home looked to spoke Spanish. Maybe if I prayed to Mary she would speak English. Maybe she would turn out to speak German and would look down at the frantic dancing of my hands, trying to find meaning in it.

But I don’t pray to Mary, and neither do my aunt or uncle. I report to them what I saw and my observations about Mary. Namely that she seems to be everywhere. My aunt doesn’t quite pick up on the fact that I simply find it interesting and takes it as an invitation to rant about Catholics. I squint at her as we walk back to the subway. I’m trying to figure out if I’d somehow been speaking another language. She certainly seems to be. Maybe it’s a generational gap. Maybe it’s just her, but I try to turn the conversation back to a tone of tolerance rather than complaint. A battle I quickly lose.

Later, in a public park in that busy city, my aunt yelled at me and cried because I had been calling her by her first name rather than Aunt. I nearly start leaking again. I shake. I think she’s speaking English but I don’t understand it. I physically step away from her as she accuses me of not seeing her as family. At the bottom of the hill we’re standing on a dog plays fetch with his owner. Neither of them take notice of the screaming middle aged American woman throwing accusations her deceased sister’s child as her own children zone out and wait for it to be over. No help comes. Nobody translates for me and Google Translate doesn’t have a setting for this.

Twenty minutes later she jokes with me as we find a rare but welcome burrito shop. I buy a mango soda imported from Mexico and it softens my homesickness. We eat on the steps of a light rail station. I laugh. The twins laugh and bounce around, talking to each other in a mixture of English, Swiss-German, and high German. The boy takes a bite out of my burrito and thinks the fact I can eat something that spicy makes me the coolest person in the world. My aunt laughs with me. We make plans for when we go to Southern Germany and visit her husband's parents. That’s where his dentist is. He needs a bit of work done. We’ll have fun, she promises. We had a good time in Prague. I put the bad times in a shoebox for later and then agree with her.

After she yells at me in Schwartzwald for not showing emotion I go quiet. I put more things in the shoebox I’ve made in my mind to deal with later. I learn that all of them have been eavesdropping on the phone calls I’ve been making to my dad and friends back home. My aunt approaches me about how I complained about the yelling. I’m suddenly paranoid and wonder if she read some of the postcards I sent out. I watch my words now and put the ones that might set off her fuse in the box. The little house outside of Zurich has started to feel like home when I return to it and I’m slightly disgusted at that realization. The flowers all make my eyes water and I’m not given nearly enough allergy pills. I still don’t understand what language she’s speaking. Her words are in English or German, as are mine, but we still don’t understand each other.

Currants, especially the red ones, are beautiful fruit. Not easy to find in stores, even in Europe, so you’ve gotta pick them yourself. My aunt and uncle have a small city of currant bushes living in their backyard that hugs the bank of the stream that runs through the neighborhood. They’re beautiful and inviting, asking you to eat them please, but when you do your face scrunches up at the tartness. I never did care for sour tastes, so I found my own way to make the currants sweet by baking them into scones. At first my aunt was sceptical of my scones but after some reassurance from her kids that they didn’t taste like cinnamon she tried them and agreed that I did a good job. They were sweet and went really well with milk or tea. We all enjoyed them very much. Nobody had to translate anything.

Every member of that family gives excellent hugs when you can get them. They share drinks and food with each other, a concept that shocked me at first, but I quickly fell into the rhythm of it with them. They bought me my first beer and took me to Worms, Germany. I loved that place. I got to see one of the first print versions of Luther’s German translation of the bible. I ate pastries and tea with them at an outdoor cafe. It was cold and wet in the middle of the summer and the cobblestones made it even gloomier. The moving feet on the sidewalk seemed to have a language of its own and the new architecture standing by the old had no words to be translated but told a story nonetheless.

My experience in Europe was like Europe itself. Americans expect it to be shiny and beautiful, and it is, but you also have to pay to use the restroom which leads people to piss in the street. You will also find cigarette machines on almost every corner. There is one right outside my aunt and uncle’s second house. The packages of cigarettes have pictures of black lungs and diseased gums on them. The people smoke anyways. Europeans are people. They have drama, they worry about money, they cry, they abuse, they kick, they scream, they love. All the problems you had in America won’t disappear over there, and in fact you might find some new problems you didn’t expect. Like not finding salsa or not knowing how to deal with carnival rides that have no line and are boarded like a much more violent version of musical chairs. And don’t expect to practice your target language there either. The people will hear your accent and excitedly try and use you to practice English. And even if you do speak the language, don’t expect to understand with everyone. Hand gestures can only go so far.

When I got home I left the German language behind me for the most part. I also slowly cut off most contact with my aunt’s family. Six weeks spent putting things in a shoebox and not speaking whatever language my aunt was speaking with English and German words was enough for me. By the time I opened my shoebox a few months later it was rotten, smelly, and leaking. It took over a year to clean it out and it’s still warped and stained, containing whispers of my own desperate language that would never penetrate my aunt’s skull or jump over the barrier we had built together.

My rotten shoebox is revolting to look at, and while I was cleaning it parts of the mess got onto the happy memories but thankfully they’re still there. The cathedrals, the warm hugs, the new foods, and comforting rain are all there. Late nights and early mornings, potato pancakes and beer, museums and trees and the times I could honestly say; Ja, ich bin glücklich. Yes, I am happy. And thankfully that sentence is easy to translate.

#roman wrote a thing #religion mention #roman said a thing

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toxoplasmajuice · 6 years ago

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Episode 8: Replies

i think i skipped last episode’s reply post :x but anyway:

@harmoniouspixels replied to your photo “Wallace-Hensley BCx2: Episode 8 - We’re Halfway There...”

My tiny gremlin brain at the title: Wooaaah, livin’ on a prayer

~~~~~~~~~

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “[Heraklea]: …and yelled “Ah! No! Wrong tape!!” as footage of his own...”

My soul also hurts for this guy 😬

this story hurt to write tbh (but coming up with stories was Hard so i had to take whatever my brain threw at me)

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “[Heraklea]: …and so we now have a bunch of young teens who think...”

MMBC deniers are a group I don’t really consider all too often in-universe, but knowing their existence is. Hmm. Big yikes

i mean... in the case of these kids, it’s not that they’re actively denying it, but that they were misled... which is at least slightly better?

but then again my own canon had students learning about hawthorne mmbc in school in 7th grade so maybe they should’ve known better. or maybe that was just at the boatschool, a very weird school that sometimes taught things early because common core doesn’t matter when you’re a private school on a boat

@autistichatkid replied to your photo “[Angelo]: Should we go look for them? [Jez]: Maybe we should wait a...”

if the bacheloret doesnt show up within 15 minutes we're legally allowed to leave

step out a second early and Island Community Justice will yeet you into the ocean

@bountifulberries replied to your photo “[Angelo]: Should we go look for them? [Jez]: Maybe we should wait a...”

dead at the tags

Island Community Justice has claimed a rulebreaker

harmoniouspixels replied to your photo “Soon… [Zeinaba]: Hey, sorry we’re late– [Saturday]: Hey, January’s not...”

My brain is like “oh this is like the first song of Heathers when the Heathers are introduced, except their cats here” so that’s a thing

i know nothing about heathers but im showcasing this reply for the enjoyment of followers who do

harmoniouspixels replied to your photo “[Zeinaba]: Alright, now one of you can take it away! [January]: You...”

Oh same, Marisa, same

marisa continues being The Relatable One

@tiny-tany-thaanos reblogged your photoset and added:

Look it’s Jez! And they’re still in game! I kinda awaited it but I’m still glad that two eliminations of my contestants in the row didn’t happen. Last time it didn’t end well (right, Phoenix and Cornelia?)

they’re actually doing Really Well! (they’re the first contestant on either side to become friends w/ their bacheloret!) u should be proud of them

though it’s gotta be hard to keep track of how your contestant is doing when i only update this damn bc biannually, lmao

@geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

seeing a sprinkle always makes me ;~; but i’m so glad ze’s off on an adventure

carryin on that family legacy... even without the actual legacy part

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

bringin’ those constructive ideas to the table!

this island really needs zer Eco-Friendly trait

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

i’ve definitely said “literally literally” before to emphasise that i do in fact mean the word i’m using and not the exact polar opposite… same hat

it’s a necessary clarification to make sometimes, lmao

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

hell yeah! militant resistance!

war is bad UNLESS it’s us on the island resisting The Man

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

i have nothing to say about this post but i want it on my blog bc dew is being awesome and bless you for writing zir this well :’)

akdfghkdfhkas thank u... i sometimes worry about how well i’m writing the sims in this bc because the gaps between episodes are so long and i’m like oh no have i forgotten everything about these sims

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

!!!!!

welcome to the Totally Not Government, dew!

geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

FEAR DOT JPEG

...yeah, honeydew’s face in this shot is basically how i externally present fear/worry

geezsims replied to your photo “Soon… [Zeinaba]: Hey, sorry we’re late– [Saturday]: Hey, January’s not...”

THIS SQUAD

😎😼😎😼😎😼

geezsims replied to your photo “[Islander Cat]: ([to self] Ohhh dear. The cats think I’m a cat.)”

is this an animorphs situation clover

it’s... a situation, alright

geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

r i p </3

i’m so sorry....

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

ouchie!!!!

I Am So Sorry

geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

hey… yeah! wholesome!

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

this is actually very blessed :3 my heart has been patched back together

eliminated contestants gotta stick together!!!

geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

these actually aren’t as same face-y as i thought! they’re cute!! also thanks for having dew ♡

i try. i reroll Play With Genetics thru nraas mastercontroller over and over and over until the kids are 1) not clones of either parent and 2) sufficiently unique irt each other. i roll and i roll and i roll. sometimes the portraits of the rolled kid don’t render and i have to guess which features are from which parent. my wrists start to rot away. the ts3 loading cursor burns itself into my retinas. my game threatens to crash and i see my life flash before my eyes, with the ts3 loading cursor over everything. my right wrist straight up breaks. finally, i have sufficient maybe babies. i can hardly see them through the ts3 loading cursors clouding my vision but i know i’ve met my goal.

(ALSO thank u for sending me zer!!!!)

bountifulberries replied to your photoset “[January]: I– [Honeydew]: You knew, didn’t you? [January]: Knew… what?...”

I’m So Sorry, Everyone

harmoniouspixels replied to your photo “We’re Halfway There! THAT’S RIGHT–OF the twelve initial contestants,...”

Penelope sweetie you’re doing great! (Also staff killing the horizontal bars is why the posts in Froot looked weird alfnlsmdla. Why take that out when people actually used it)

RIGHT like what was staff even thinking??? “hey, let’s take something out just to fuck with our users”??? hey tumblr users we’d like to announce that we’ve gotten rid of the bold text option

@theworstsimblr replied to your photo “We’re Halfway There! THAT’S RIGHT–OF the twelve initial contestants,...”

if you change the editing mode to html and put in <hr> where you want a bar that usually works!

i’ll have to try that next time... my fear is that it won’t show up on the dashboard dfkjghksdf

#whbcx2 #whbcx2 ep8: we're halfway there #harmoniouspixels #autistichatkid #bountifulberries #geezsims #theworstsimblr

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chezzkaa · 6 years ago

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Sweet on Me

Fandom: Boku No Hero Academia (BNHA)

Pairing: Hot Wings (Dabi x Hawks TRASH) Word Count: 1850+

AO3 link

Summary:

Hawks retreats to one of his favourite places to perch and forget, but finds the spot already occupied by a man he'd really rather avoid. Still, he has appearances to uphold, and soon realises that he might not be the only person on the roof wishing the world would just stop for a moment.

Just so they can breathe.

“Hey there, Dabi-”

“Oh god, would you piss off already?”

In all the time he’d known the man huddled in on himself on the building’s edge, his short remarks have never been a bother. If anything, Hawks is always surprised that his partner - he swallows involuntarily around the bitter word - never tries harder to deter him. To make him retreat into the silence of his own company. To throw him off the side of a burning ship and watch him drown on the truths of himself.

He wishes he would.

Hawks is persistent, determined, and fully able to admit that he’s more than a little infuriating when it comes to pestering those around him; he’s made sure of it. Being anything less isn’t something he can get away with anymore. He isn’t entirely sure what that version of himself looks like.

He may not have to interact with Dabi on a daily basis, and he couldn’t be more grateful of the fact, but he did have an image to uphold. An act to continue in front of a man he can’t stand. Dabi is broody. Just on the wrong side of quiet, with a harsh word tied to his tongue whenever his lips pull into something more than a vacant line or subtle, eerie smirk. Being around him for too long make the act of happiness a little harder, making the hole Hawks resides just above become more and more appealing to dive down.

But the night brings with it a sense of peace. The air easier to breathe in and the truth is simpler to hide. The late hours are dipped in darkness and lain out to dry, inkblots seeping across stars and shining on the glow of a city that never sleeps. Neon lights and the gentle hum of conversation mulls from below; distant, but not quite far enough away. Not enough to forget it’s existence forever, but almost. With eyes squeezing shut and a little determination, the world might just be willing to fade away.

Although if he were being completely honest, Hawks isn’t entirely happy to see that his favourite place to perch is occupied.

Hawks doesn’t let the seething retort of a bitter charcoal man phase him. His smile, so carefully constructed that the cracks were almost impossible to see, is unwavering as he watches Dabi across the roof’s expanse. He takes a deep breath, settling his nerves and swallowing his need to kick and wail and scream. That can come later once he’s alone.

Just a few more months of this, he tells himself, then I’ll never have to deal with this guy again. I’ll be able to do something fun with my evenings. Maybe get a good night’s sleep.

Hawks waves his hand, lackadaisical swatting away Dabi’s protests to his presence as they cling to the scent of food vendors below. “Now, now. That’s no way to talk to a friend-”

“It’s a good thing we aren’t friends then,” Dabi growls, back still turned to him. Figure almost lost to the darkness. “Take the hint, would you?”

Hawks smiles, the banter seeing the expression feign genuine. “You’re breaking my heart, you know that? My poor, gorgeous heart.”

“Good,” Dabi responds a little too fast, his shoulders curling further over his bunched up knees, body sinking in on itself. His forehead dips into the crook of his elbows, hands buried in blackened hair. If Hawks tries hard enough, he can almost pick up on the odd flash of red hugging the roots. “Then why don’t you go and cry to someone else? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“No one listens like you do,” Hawks laments dramatically, the sound of his shoes scuffing across the ground seeing Dabi tense. The blond stops for a moment, noticing the shift. The tension he is met with is unfamiliar. Unsettling. Not at all like the usual aloof behaviour that he has grown almost comfortable with. “Besides,” Hawks continues, slower this time as he pulls up to the edge, peering down into the bustling streets, “what makes you think I’m here to talk?”

Dabi groans unhappily into his arms. “Because all you fucking do is talk, bird brain.”

“True, I’ve got a lot to say most days,” Hawks admits, as though his need to fill the silence with his constant chatter is something that doesn’t drive him crazy. A bad habit that glares at him from the corner of every crowded room. That picks at his nerves whenever he’s in the presence of another. “I guess I could think up some topics just for you, though. Because you’re just so sweet on me.”

“Shut up. I don’t have time for your shit.”

“Then leave.”

Dabi’s fingers tighten in his hair, shoulders hunching further as he tries to clamp down on his frustration. “How about you leave?”

Hawks shrugs. “Nah,” he muses, “I don’t want to.”

“How about I make you?”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Genuinely, Hawks would love that. To be blasted right off the roof so he could topple to the ground below. With flames roaring through his wings and the promise of a quiet night at the bottom.

Dabi struggles a little, settling on raising one of his fingers from his hair and flipping the man off. Hawks chuckles, and the offending finger ignites in warning.

“I’m not talking to you,” Dabi insists in a drawl, his tone catching like knees against gravel. “No matter how much you beg or flirt or pretend like we’re friends.”

“Right.”

“And you’re not going to talk either, got it?”

It’s quiet for a beat. “I wouldn’t mind some peace and quiet.”

The statement is simple, but enough to snap Dabi’s attention over. Hawks can’t quite pinpoint why the words slip past his lips, uncertain as to whether it’s his own desperation for silence or the small flash of pain that decorated Dabi’s expression as he fiddles with an uncomfortable piercing, but he says them all the same. Cyan eyes rake over his features, and he does his best to remain calm. To avoid acknowledging the tension caught between Dabi’s eyebrows, or the remnants of blood on his cheek.

“You’re kidding?” The charcoal man scoffs, peering suspiciously at the blonde who’s turned his face to the stars. “You, not talking? Being quiet? I don’t believe it.”

Hawks lets his face ease into one of his trusted smiles. Gentle enough to seem genuine, as though he’s truly listening, but easy enough for his seams to stop aching. “I’m not talking right now.”

“You’re responding to me, asshole.”

“Well…” Hawks shrugs, his eyebrow quirking as he watches the clouds try and mask the moon. He’d rather not glance down, happy to forget about the crowds for as long as he can - even if it means sitting with less than savoury company. “I’m being polite,” he continues, “it’s rude not to respond to such lovely conversation.”

“For fuck sake.”

“You told me last time I ignored you that you’d kill me.” Hawks taps his chin thoughtfully. “A tempting offer, really.”

“I hate you.”

“Join the club.”

Hawks didn’t think it were possible, but he’d finally found someone more uncomfortable with silence than him. Dabi fidgets incessantly as Hawks sinks onto his haunches, perching on the ledge and staring at the sky. It’s pleasant; the wind in his wings and the stars watching over him. If he tries hard enough, he can mostly ignore the suspicions and scowls thrown at him by his reluctant companion.

Until eventually Dabi can’t contain himself. Snark sneaks between his lips, a snarl setting his features. “This is fucking stupid.”

Hawks closes his eyes, willing the silence to last a little longer. For the peace to completely cleanse him before he has to glare at the menace at his side. “Well, it was nice while it lasted.”

“Shut the hell up, you overgrown chicken,” Dabi bites back, “everything was fine until you came along.”

I could just arrest him, Hawks catches himself thinking, no one in the League would have to know. I could have him at the station or on Endeavour’s front door before the hour is out. Then I could get some food and settle-

“-and now you’re just sat there all high and mighty.”

“I’m literally just sitting here,” Hawks mumbles, unwilling to tear his gaze from the stars. “But go off I guess.”

“No,” Dabi rejects, jabbing an accusatory finger in the blonde’s direction, “you’re judging me. If that’s what you came to do, you can fuck right off.”

Hawks couldn’t find Dabi even if he wanted to, the villain had made sure of that. Their meetings generally occurred in abandoned buildings or the darkened corners of a grimy city, and usually at the most inconsiderate times for the young pro hero. Just once he’d like to go home and crawl into bed knowing he won’t have to leave it until the sun rises. Preferably not until lunch has passed.

A few more months then it’s all over. I’ll be able to sleep. I won’t have to see another one of their damn faces again. I’ll be able to fly as far away as possible and just… just breathe.

“It seems like you’re the one that can’t be quiet, Dabi. Is there something you want to talk about?” Hawks flashes him a bright and teasing smile, keeping his attention away from the blood cracking around the glinting jewelry holding the man’s skin together. “I’m always here for you, you know. That’s what friends are for. We could have a sleepover. Hold hands, talk about boys...”

Dabi look positively insulted. “Like I’d talk to you about anything. How about you get the fuck out of my face before I push you off this damn building?”

“Do it. Yeet me into the sun or something. End my suffering.”

The charcoal man groans, so frustrated that Hawks can see his expression consider folding into oblivion. “Why are you like this?”

“Someone has to be.”

“Yeah?” Dabi almost laughs, but cruelty makes it sound more like a bark. “You’re just annoying. No wonder you turned to the League. Bet the heroes can’t stand you.”

Hawks shrugs, unwilling to admit that that one stung a little. “You need to lighten up, my guy. Take some memes and get some sleep or something.”

“Sure, I’ll get right on that.”

“I have some,” Hawks offers conversationally, knowing full well that Dabi’s tone tells him he’d rather die than continue the conversation. “Memes, that is. I’m a meme god.”

The more volatile man pretends to consider this, sighing when he’s done keeping up the act. “Whatever, Big Bird. Message them to me if you’re that desperate to help me with something that doesn’t exist. See how fast it’ll get me to kill you.”

“But I don’t have your phone number.” Hawks frowns.

“That’s the point,” Dabi hums, drawing to his full height and retreating from the roof edge. “So stop bothering me.”

Hawks watches him go, determined with every step he takes until the night swallows him whole and peace takes his place.

#BNHA #my hero academia #Boku no hero academia #mha #bnha hotwings #hot wings #Hawks #Dabi #Hawks x Dabi trash #Hawks x Dabi #Sweet on Me #Alfredosource

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guys-chill · 7 years ago

Text

My Demons are PTA Moms

Hey so as you know, I love PTA mom jokes and like making names for my friends ect. Well sometimes, when shit hits the fan and there are lots of negative thoughts, so I address each thought as if it were some stuck up lady from the PTA. Here’s my “convo” that happened last night ( I was talking to my friend and basically texted her my thoughts) bc I think it’s funny. If you wanna skip the buildup and go straight to moms, skip the first bit and start where I say YOOT. Theres alot.. yall dont gotta read i know that its alot alot

TW for mentions of rape

Set the scene: My mind is wandering, open to passing thoughts

Me: I wonder why sometimes your brain thinks about nothing. Like, there are so many things to think about, yet I stare at the ceiling thinking about nothing just kind of floating in empty mind space

Me: Now im thinking about [ex bf.] and how i want to work through my [ex bf.] memories with you and [friend’s boyfriend who is also my friend] and how that’s unfair bc its like, yall dont exist to listen to my problems and im thinking i need to face them and get through that wall of pain. Like they’re motly breaking up memories atm. Im trying to avoid them because its hard

Friend: He and I are your friends and part of our job as friends is to listen

Me: :^)

Me: Ye but like no i feel so selfish when we are about me

Friend: But you shouldn’t

Me: You know that meme that’s like “I feel uncomfortable when we are about me”. Mood

Friend: No I don’t

Me: Rip. Yeet bc i wanna face them but i know it’s gonna have me breaking down and I want a hug and like yall aren’t responsible for me or like i j feel bad

Friend: It’s ok dude we’re here for you

Me: But i know i gotta face them but im putting it off rn bc i don’t wanna fall asleep breaking down but why cant i just do it like UGGGH. Like with opening up my feelings door I’ve opened up remembering that i blocked kinda or avoided ahhh lol my mind is riptastic and sad rn but my heart is only mildly and i dont wanna be sadddsdddddd and i avoid my shit. [Her bf] is right that its hard to face your shit. And I feel dumb for not. And its like just let the suffering commense, you’ll be fine later

Friend: I’m sorry

Me: Why am i so FUCKING needy. Lol sorry im like this

Friend: You’re not needy my dude!

Me: My brain is like !OOh idea! Lets want someone to love you and hug you and all this shit to be really extra even though it doesn’t even matter that much bc who gives a fuck yo people have they’re own lives but you know I think it sounds like a GREat way to make things difficult haha fuck u

Me: Lol i said i wasn’t gonna get into this but look at me goooooooooo. YEET

Friend: Oh boy you’re ok

Me: Yo its fine god im im a messsss yoot AAHH YOOT THATS SO FUNNY

Friend (Prolly like oh boyyy at this point): You’re gonna be ok I’m sorry

Me: Wanna hear my inner dialouge lol YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOOD AT MEMES YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT

Me: Ye thank you I appreciate that

Friend: If you want to share

Me: I appreciate you listening to me

Friend: Any time

Me: Why is my mind just like saying rando shit its like Haha you fucking psycho kill yourself, and its like no Pam, that’s not even what were talking about rn. Like who invited you. Yeah I know no one invited me to my own party haha funny jan. Why am I a mess. But HeY at least we’ve gotten distracted

Friend: Oh boy I’m sorry

Me: “Lol im gonna kill you” thanks maureen

Friend: Why all the suicidal thoughts

Me: Im thinking of that vine of this kid awkward dancing to like trap music and his mom walks in and you can hear her mouthing like turn it down wtf. I dont even know I dont even wanna die my mind is so unoriginal. Good to know Jan, youre worthless too

Me: Like im doing that thing where i make everything a joke to not have it hit as hard

Friend: Im sorry. You’ll be ok

Me: TW rape “Lol no he didn’t rape me in the butt you insensitive bitch (me @ Clarissa)” Haha im gonna fucking kill myself. That one was a bit more real. I suppose both but like the kill yourself bit

Friend: Oh boy

Me: I wanna die im a mess. Tw again Youre so ugly why the fuck would he even wanna rape you haha dumb bitch got raped you dummy couldn’t even get him off lol you got him off tho...SHUT UP. lol no Way hunny this is too fun you vulnerable cunt haha fucking ill whip out any insult that has to do with sexually explicit shit come at me slut

Me: Haha im sorry

Friend: Oh boy, don’t be sorry. You’re ok. What he did was on him, it had nothing to do with you it wasn’t your fault

Me: Why they gotta say rape so much like i get it gerryanna; you’re shitty at sales pitching sell me something i dont know. God i love these moods (sarcastically)

Friend: Oh boy

Me: Haha you dumb bitch like they’re not even original. Im calling the superintendent of my mind and having them all taken off the PTA board of trustees. Fuck you Helen. Not you though [Friend] your name susan helen does not apply during breakdowns

Friend: Oh boy. Is there anything i can do

Me: Im just laying here with a pained smile on my face its not even a breakdown its a roast sesh. Nah not atm besides listen and hear the dumb shit they say

Friend: Oh boy, does it help to get it out like would writing help

Me: Yeah. God you cant even type right. Yeah you’re a secretary Jan sorry I dont have a crumbling marrage and an English degree like you. Oooooh im throwing sick burns. Im not even funny im just sad. I hope you’re laughing. Genuinely I hope its a bit funny because im a piece of trash. Ok yo you didn’t need to say that last part margaree.

Friend: Omfg

Me: God hell yeah you can take me out on trash day fucking Mmm yeah you bet id like that feeling of powerlessness and suffocation of my voice please, expand uponthis trash bag fantasy joann. Ill sit on the curb and cry myself to death you right. Fuck you got me lol I guess ill just give up now. Fool im not done yet get PUNKED Pamela. Im still here to shit on your bad insults. I hate myself, yeah i hate you too Mary Sue. Go fuck yourself; I think i might give it a shot from what i’ve heard its best in the shower and i was gonna take one tomorrow...

Friend: Oh boyyyyyy

Me: Lol yall are dumb; When they try to make their voices sound like mine but you can tell the yall is just you and the’re throwing shit at you but you see it. Im great fuck you pam

Friend: Oh gee

Me: This is good, like genuinely its like a throwdown and they’re bloody on the floor (the pta council). Fuck em, yeah fuck you too janice. “I hadta do it to em”- me at my future kid asking why i did this. Yeah i beat up Suzanne but she was a bitch anyway. Ok now stop trying to get all on my side pauleenI know you’re with them. Go with the rest of em. I bought you a luxury cruise well actually yall did bc yall are selfish and feed off sadness go drink some martinis and come back but you bet ill be fucking waiting for you, yeah ik were not done donna, but ill still be there and... “I love you”- I love you too higher sweetie who sounds like [my friend’s spirit guide] no now its my higher self but also [her]? Yeet ok bye yall

Friend: Oh boy

Me: Fuck um, Patricia decided to stay behind and keep me company. Lol im a mess. How are you things have relatively chilled. And now im being told “I love you” from someone i think me a higher power that believes in me

Friend: Eh im alright. How are you

Me: Im better. Did you enjoy that little skit my ego wants to know so it can make a production and Pam can bring her friends back and then my higher self is saying just say you love me and you’re here, “and i love you”- higher bee thank you I love you too. Idek, yes I know i’m a mess pam. I know

Friend: “Higher bee” oh could you imagine if god was just a fluffy bumble bee wanting us to love ourselves. I’m sorry you’re going through this

Me: But im a mess of glitter, spilled but pretty and not going away yeah ok no pretty is not my only worthy reason for existing but thanks. Im also friendly. Awwww thatd be so sweet. Thatd BEE so sweet. She’s beautiful

Friend: Ba dum tss

Me: Its ok i find it mildly funny. “I cant drown my demons, they’re in a pta meeting atm and dont have their pool passes handy”

Friend: Lol

Me: Haha im livingg. I love you. Thank you for listening

Friend: I love you too and any time

Me: “I love you so much” thank you giant sky bee, God thank you giant sky bee godbless. Bless yourself. How are you. Im feeling loved. I faced part of the wall yoot lol

Friend: I’m glad you’re feeling loved I’m ok

Me: Like i faced something, im here and it matters. I love you. Im glad you’re ok. What have you been doing how long was that. 12:46 to 1:20. 35-40 min. Average breakdown cycle. Nice good to know. See, its all chill after 40 min

----

And thats that my guys uhh yeah i keep track of how long i break down for and it really is only about 45 minutes until your body wears itself out. I love you all

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