#my brain is so.. scatterbrained today

[monstrousproductions]

Episode 89 delayed 😅

OK so it turns out, through ADHD all things are not possible, and I have managed to reach almost 8PM the night before the episode's supposed to come out and... I don't have a finished script lol

Unfortunately I have some non-negotiable commitments on Friday so I won't be able to release the episode then. So instead, Episode 89 will be out on Saturday March 4th, probably sometime around lunchtime!

Thanks for your patience, MA is a one-person show and that person has a brain made largely out of Swiss cheese, so these things are wont to happen 🤷 Still, I always appreciate you all being so chill about it and understanding!

[foone]

I see a lot of people joking about the adhd thing of "I have a appointment/phone call at 3pm, guess I won't do anything all day!"

But no one seems to make the connection that it's a time blindness thing. One of the symptoms of ADHD is not having a good and accurate sense of time. And not doing stuff prior to an event with a hard deadline is an obvious coping mechanism for that.

Can I go to the store? It's 10am and the appointment is at 3pm. How long does going to the store take? An hour? Three hours? Five hours? I DON'T KNOW!

I get anxious trying to do things before appointments because I'm aware that I don't know how long those things take, and that if I think I do, I may be very wrong. Too often I've been like "hey I can walk to the corner store and grab a drink, that'll take like 15 minutes!" and then an hour later I get back and whoops my rice has burnt.

Plus there's also the fact that ADHD people know that motivation and focus is a two-edged sword.

Like, let's say you decide to play a video game. You've got time, you can pause/save whenever, so this should be a perfect fit to make good use of your waiting-time. So you start playing and WHOOPS you get really focused for some reason today (because people with ADHD do not get to pick when their brain decides to focus) and the next time you look at the clock it's 2:49 and you haven't showered or dressed and the appointment is 30 minutes away. Fuck. (you could have set an alarm, but now you're asking people with the forgetting-things-and-time-ignoring condition to remember it set alarms)

And with motivation, it can be almost worse. Instead of playing a game, you so something useful or creative. You clean your room or fix your plumbing or write a story or draw a picture. And suddenly it's great. Your brain is firing on all cylinders. You've got all the motivation you can ask for, and you are FLYING. the ideas are brilliant, your hands are nimble, you're getting stuff done you've been putting off for weeks or months. And then the alarm goes off. Time to go to your appointment. Fuck.

You drive there, your brain still full of ideas and plans. But by the time you get back, the motivation is gone. You may still have the ideas but you don't have the drive to write them down. You can't force yourself to do it. Your sink is still in pieces. Your room is half-cleaned, and you have to shove all the sorted clothes into one big bin just so you have somewhere to sleep. You've left things half finished again, in a cycle that has been repeating your whole fucking life. It seems sometimes that nothing ever gets finished.

So next time you don't even start. There's not time. You've been burnt too many times. Why add another half-completed project to your pile of shame?

My point is that people seem to be going "lol I can't do anything all day if I have an appointment at 3pm" like this is a quirky "oh I'm so scatterbrained!" weirdness they alone have, and not a major complication of a disabling mental illness.

(and that's not even getting into the secondary effects. If you know that having an appointment ruins your whole damn day, you're going to avoid them. Even when it's things like "going to that party" or "meeting your friends for a drink/game" or "going to a movie with that cute girl from your math class". Things you should enjoy. Things that'd help you be social. Things that make you feel human.)

[seeingivy]

it's nice to have a friend

eren jaeger x f!reader

**part of my canary mate fic

previous part here

--

[lizontopoftheworld]: you know i’m about to do something huge today? 

[busstopbilly]: We’re finally getting married? 

[lizontopoftheworld]: NO 

[lizontopoftheworld]: okay wait that sounded mean 

[lizontopoftheworld]: like i was against the idea 

[lizontopoftheworld]: not that i’m for the idea

[lizontopoftheworld]: not that i’m not not for the idea 

[lizontopoftheworld]: ANYWAYS 

[lizontopoftheworld]: you have to stop flirting this type of thign is not good for my brain

[busstopbilly]: Everything alright? 

[lizontopoftheworld]: … 

[lizontopoftheworld]: just have a lot on my mind 

[lizontopoftheworld]: kind of scatterbrained 

[lizontopoftheworld]: i am going to confront the prick. 

[busstopbilly]: Wow, what gives? 

[busstopbilly]: Give him hell. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: nothing serious actually 

[lizontopoftheworld]: it’s just a thing for something we’re doing together 

[lizontopoftheworld]: BUT it’s a big deal because i’ve never really given input on this thing because i’ve assumed that he doesn’t necessarily want my input on this thing? granted i don’t think he takes advice from anyone but still 

[lizontopoftheworld]: i know what i’m saying is right and that i should so i’m going to 

[busstopbilly]: :) 

[busstopbilly]: Proud of you. 

[busstopbilly]: Are you nervous? 

[lizontopoftheworld]: i’ve prepared three counter arguments 

[lizontopoftheworld]: he literally will not catch me lacking and i’m going to try and keep my cool so that he knows that his dumb comments aren’t getting me 

[busstopbilly]: This is as much rehearsing as it takes for you to speak to your sister-in-law. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: god that’s a lost cause don’t even bring that up 

[busstopbilly]: Sometimes it feels like you’re a little harsh on her. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: SHE’S INSUFFERABLE BILLY 

[busstopbilly]: I’ll table that comment for another time. You’ve got to keep your wits about you. 

[busstopbilly]: Good luck, pretty girl. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: what’s up with you? 

[busstopbilly]: I am all types of frustrated. 

[busstopbilly]: It’s really hard to figure out what to do with what I’m working on. It’s aggravating because I know that it’s something that is entirely within my capabilities but I just can’t. 

[busstopbilly]: I’ve been working non-stop, been staring at my computer, and just getting so fucking frustated. It’s like I’m defective. Doesn’t help that it’s unreasonably high pressure at this point, but…

[lizontopoftheworld]: UGH im so sorry i didn’t mean to just start ranting at you with my own stuff 

[lizontopoftheworld]: you know, you’re very smart and capable. you’re going to figure it out eventually. 

[busstopbilly]: It’s weird. I was annoyed that I had the role I did before, but I fear I’m getting way too involved. I’m starting to care too much, which is never a good sign. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: it’s a good thing that you care 

[lizontopoftheworld]: and isn’t this close to like real medical stuff that you wanted to do?

[lizontopoftheworld]: just a sign that it’s something that’s actually stimulating. that you care about and want to work towards. 

[busstopbilly]: You always look for the positives. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: you should take notes, sweetheart 

[lizontopoftheworld]: and you shouldn’t demand perfection of yourself. you are not defective if something doesn’t work out. you’re still a regular person, it’s okay to get stumped or struggle with it a little bit. 

[busstopbilly]: You know, my dad DOES demand perfection of me. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: and that’s why we hate your dad. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: i know you demand perfection of yourself too, that wanting to do well is natural, but be a little bit nice to yourself. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: you’re going to figure it out. 

[busstopbilly]: Check back in at the end of the week. Hopefully, I’m still put together. 

[busstopbilly]:  By the way. 

[busstopbilly]: Sweetheart? 

[busstopbilly]: Do you mean that in a patronizing way or am I really your sweetheart? 

[lizontopoftheworld]: patronizing 

[busstopbilly]: You’re killing me. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: i’m sorry, sweetheart <3 

--

you find eren in the main conference room, early in the morning on thursday. you can tell that he’s hard at work – old scans from sessions printed against the wall that he’s made notes on, intelligible jargon on the glass whiteboards, and his hair an uncharacteristic mess – surely from the amount of times he’s run his hands through his hair. 

you clear your throat, recalling all the talking points that you had rehearsed in the mirror the night prior, as you knock on the door and cautiously enter the room. you note that the smell of coffee is overwhelming – the freshly brewed cup sitting two feet away from you – and that the trashcan seems to be overflowing with empty energy drinks. 

eren doesn’t even notice your presence, his green eyes still fixed to the scan that he’s staring at, his hand raised in the air with the pen. you note that he’s wearing his glasses, that it looks like he hasn’t slept since you saw him yesterday, as you walk up to his side. 

“working hard, hm?” you ask. 

eren’s startled by the sound of your voice, jumping in the slightest, as you widen your eyes and feel your cheeks flush. way to start off on a good note. 

“sorry! sorry, i figured you noticed that i was here when i walked up to you.” 

“were you saying something to me?” he asks. 

you shake your head. you can tell that your presence has shattered some semblance of his concentration – that he’s annoyed with you because of it –  as he sets his pencil down and basically collapses into the chair across from you. you follow suit, sitting down in the chair too, as you uncomfortably shift against the worn out foam. 

“i’m too fucking tired to have a fucking conversation with you right now.” he utters. 

you fight the urge to scoff. 

“does talking to me truly take so much effort?” you retort. 

eren rolls his eyes, before slumping back down into the chair. 

“when you’re so hellbent on arguing, it does. and you don’t seem to talk to me otherwise.” 

“you don’t have to argue if you just agree with me. and why on earth would i be so hellbent on arguing with the most insufferable person that i know?” 

eren shrugs, clearly irritated. 

“you tell me, y/n.” 

you clear your throat, cracking all the knuckles in your hand. 

“i’ve come to talk to you about colt. the trial. you can’t tell falco that he’s on the verge of getting kicked out.” 

eren pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“well, obviously –” 

“his brother means a lot to him. his accident was really traumatic for his family, and even though he promised he wouldn’t get so self-involved, he obviously is. i mean, it’s his brother. he can’t help it. and there’s a lot of hope that this is giving him and i’d be scared to prematurely stop him in his tracks if we didn’t need to. they both talk about it so much that it would demoralize gabi too.” 

“oh, it definitely would, and -” 

“and they’re both sweet kids. their sincere passion and interest in the project is so sweet, i would hate for them to feel like it’s not working, to think that all of their work, our work, has amounted to nothing. i think that you and i could figure out which treatment we should do this upcoming week on our own, if you’ll take my help, and then we can go from there.” 

“well, i - “ 

you can’t help but ball your fists in your lap. 

“look, i know you don’t really like me, that you probably think that i’m being stupid and soft-hearted and whatever right now, but this means a lot to me. and i know that basically means nothing to you, but i’m just asking you as your colleague? friend? whatever it is that we are to just do this for me. i’ve never asked you for anything before, i don’t think i ever will again, and i’d just…really appreciate it if you could –” 

you’re promptly cut off from giving your entire spiel because eren reaches forward, placing both of his warm hands on your cheeks, in efforts to get you to stop talking. you look forward, noting that his eyes are so deeply green – that he really does look exhausted – as he applies a firm pressure. 

“stop talking please.” he murmurs, his tone soft. almost like you’ve pained him my rambling for so long. 

“what?” you whisper. 

eren lets go, the warmth retreating from your face, as he leans back in his chair. 

“you didn’t hear a word i said, did you?” he asks, his tone rather soft. 

you frown. 

“did you say something?” 

“i pretty much agreed with you after the first sentence, y/n. don’t know what the fuck you’re blabbing on about.” he murmurs. 

“oh. really?” you murmur, slightly embarrassed. you wouldn’t have put so much effort if he was going to give in that easily. 

eren gives you a thoughtful nod, before leaning his head against the back of his chair, and rubbing at his eyes. 

“i’m well aware that you think i’m not capable of being fond of anyone. but i am, very fond, of both falco and his brother. i would hate to let either of them down or cause anyone unnecessary stress, especially when this entire thing is my idea, so i would like to keep it between us. i was actually intending on having this conversation with you when i arrived.” 

“i’ve been here for five hours. it’s almost one in the afternoon, eren.” 

eren groans. 

“it seems that time has gotten away from me.” 

“how long have you been here?” 

“since yesterday. i can’t seem to figure out which region to target next.” 

you swallow hard. 

“did you really stay here the entire time?” you ask. 

he nods. 

“biked here so that you wouldn’t go out of your way last night.” 

you sigh, as you flip through the stack of papers on the table. he’s highlighted a bunch of sentences, underlined and circled random words with questions on the side, as you reach for the closest pens. 

“are you okay with me helping? more than i already am? maybe i can try some machine learning with the data we already have and use some of the analysis you’ve been using so…so we can feel more confident? i know that you don’t like me but…” 

“stop fucking saying that.” 

“what?” 

“that i don’t like you. you’re prickly, but i don’t hate anyone.” 

prickly? 

“i’m consulting a bunch of people who do the stimulation, have a few meetings with specialists this week before i pick what we’re going with next week. we have to make our best chance at an educated guess.” 

you nod. 

“that’s smart.” 

“you..you can join in the meetings, if you’d like. might mention stuff for analysis that would be useful for you to hear in real time instead of repeated from me.” eren offers. 

you can’t help but smile. 

“you’re really nice when you’re tired.” 

“don’t get used to it.” 

--

[busstopbilly]: Hi princess. 

[busstopbilly]: Sorry I haven’t messaged in a while, I hope you know I wasn’t ignoring you. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: no problem 

[lizontopoftheworld]: been working myself to the bone so hard i didn’t notice :O 

[busstopbilly]: Tell me about it. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: any luck with your project? 

[busstopbilly]: Well, I’ve somehow elicited help. She actually offered, but it’s helping things move along. I’ll be able to rest after Wednesday, I guess.   

[busstopbilly]: How about you? My pretty girl’s not working too hard, right? 

[lizontopoftheworld]: i fell asleep on my laptop the other day. while i was still here. but that’s besides the point. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: worried about one of my children in the lab

[busstopbilly]: Your children? With who?

[busstopbilly]: We’d make cute children. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: you don’t know what i look like. i don’t know what you look like. 

[busstopbilly]: Oh, so you think I’m ugly?

[lizontopoftheworld]: NO

[lizontopoftheworld]: you probably think i’m ugly, you didn’t even oppose that part of that statement

[busstopbilly]: Shut up. 

[busstopbilly]: You think you’re SO funny for that one. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: it was kind of funny 

[busstopbilly]: I know you’re beautiful. Anyways, who are these children? Why are you worried about them? Are they okay?

[lizontopoftheworld]: idk 

[lizontopoftheworld]: sitting on some news that would destory them. shit at keeping secrets so i’ve been tryign to keep it together 

[lizontopoftheworld]: just want to keep them from being hurt when they don’t have to be? 

[busstopbilly]: Awful kind of you to take that all upon yourself. Are you talking to someone about it?

[lizontopoftheworld]: you. 

[busstopbilly]: Liz. 

[busstopbilly]: Besides me. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: you’re enough, you know? 

[lizontopoftheworld]: talking to you always makes me feel better 

[busstopbilly]: Me too, Liz. 

[busstopbilly]: I’d also feel better if I knew you were confiding in a friend. That someone was checking up on you if you’re stomaching something big, which knowing you, you probably are. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: you are my friend 

[lizontopoftheworld]: and you literally checked up on me today

[busstopbilly]: Liz. 

[busstopbilly]: You stress me out sometimes. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: no one asked you to invite all this stress on my behalf. 

[busstopbilly]: Someone has to do it. 

[busstopbilly]: Plus, it’s you. 

[busstopbilly]: Kind of just comes naturally. Worrying about you. Wanting to make sure you’re okay. 

[lizontopoftheworld]: you’re so cute i wish you were real

you eye the schedule that eren gave you at the end of yesterday that’s taped to the wall of your cubicle. there’s nearly seven meetings crammed into three days, each of which you’re both preparing an exhaustive list of questions for. it’s been back and forth – eren leaving comments on your document, you dropping an article into the chat between the two of you – as you read up on every last thing that you can find. 

“we brought you a peace offering.”

you look up to find gabi and falco standing at the side of your cubicle, with smiles on their faces. you return the gesture as they extend their hand out to you, with a cinnamon roll slightly squashed into a napkin, that you gratefully accept from them. 

“a peace offering for?” 

“well, first of all, we can tell that you and eren have been working tirelessly for the grant.” falco states. 

right. the grant that you already have. 

not that they needed to know that. 

“and no one likes to spend time with eren more than they need to. especially you.” gabi jokes. 

you laugh. 

“we just have a small request to make.” gabi states. 

you shoot them both a look. 

“gabi has to talk to pieck when we go to marley for the conference at the end of the month. and well, these type of things make her really nervous. also, i kind of told gabi that you’re not that fond of pieck and now she’s even more nervous to go there, so she really needs you there.” falco rambles. 

you glare at the two of them. 

“she’s not some demon you have to be scared of, guys.”  

“didn’t you say that you avoid going home because of her?” falco asks. 

you groan. 

“i didn’t tell you that for you to use it against me, falco. and…and she’s really nice actually, it’s just me having an issue with how hard she tries to be…nice sometimes. i’m sure that she will be a perfect picture of kindness when you meet her, it’s just…” 

you sigh, gesturing for the two of them to pull up chairs. the two of them give you an excited smile, both scattering to pull up chairs into your space, as you eye the cinnamon roll. it smells sweet, enough to make your stomach growl, as they attentively wait for you to talk in their seats. 

you and falco had a close mentor-mentee relationship. and by that, it meant that the two of you were really just friends, and you just gave him advice here and there. 

granted, you’re sure half of that is a byproduct of the fact that falco’s been alone in the dorms almost every single day since he’s one of the only students on the fellowship, that you’re the only person around to talk to, but it’s ultimately lead to some very serious conversations you should most definitely not be logging as work on your timesheets. 

“well, i’ve told falco a lot about pieck. but not you gabi.” you start. 

gabi offers you a smile. 

“i have an older brother named porco. he’s…he’s really plucky but you’ll like him when you meet him. he works at my parent’s business back home.” 

you smile. 

“when porco was in highschool, he started dating pieck. she kind of freaked me out because she was super preppy. captain of the cheer team, on the student council. she went the whole ten miles and we were just…i don’t know. serving people pizza in our free time. begging our teachers to tutor us during lunch. i never really understood what they saw in each other. they have nothing in common. can barely understand each other, from what it seems like.” 

“it’s romantic! opposites attract.” falco adds. 

you narrow your eyes at him. 

“anyways, she went to some big shot law school in a different country. i thought that she was going to break up with him to be honest, but they…they got engaged instead. did long distance their entire first year of marriage because my brother can’t really leave my parents. and she was really sweet through the entire thing, but…but i don’t know. her family wasn’t into it. the fact that we were immigrants. and even after we became citizens, they just thought that we weren’t worth their caliber. pieck didn’t seem to care, not even in the slightest, and she lives in our house now. practices in our city.” 

gabi gives you a thoughtful nod. 

“she gave up her entire family for your brother? is he cute? ” 

you shake your head. 

“yeah. i mean, i know they still send her money here and there, but they don’t speak to her at all. guess that’s their way of making sure that she’s taken care of, since they know we can’t.” you murmur. 

gabi frowns. 

“is she rich?” gabi asks. 

falco shoves her in the side. 

“you can’t just ask if she’s rich.” 

“no, no. y/n’s chill, i can ask her.” 

you fight the urge to laugh as you lean closer, giving gabi a coy look. 

“super rich. she has a nice cushy job and again, she still gets the money from her parents. she offered to buy me a car when i moved out here so that it would be easier for me.” 

gabi gives you a bright smile. 

“that’s a good fucking offer. i would ask her for hundreds of things if i were you.” 

you shrug. 

“it’s weird. it’s just kind of…i don’t know. she offers me a lot of things like that – money, advice – she tries really hard to be a big sister to me. porco’s sweet, but there was a lot of things that he didn’t do. i’m sure he’s told her that i work hard, that i don’t really take help from people, and i guess that’s why she’s so eager to try sometimes. but it just…i don’t know, i can’t bring myself to take help from her when we don’t know each other like that.” 

“she’s your sister.” falco deadpans. 

you shake your head. 

“it’s weird. i’m not saying that it makes sense. and she’s my sister-in-law.” 

gabi gives you a nod. 

“i know what you mean. you got here on your own, you’re convinced that you can get the rest of the way on your own too.” 

“exactly! and i’d owe her something at the end if i did take her help.” 

falco frowns at the two of you. 

“you know, you both have the same individualistic behavior. i’m not sure that it serves you any purpose. you know you won’t die if you rely on people. maybe she’s just trying to help you because you guys are literally family.” 

gabi shakes her head at falco. 

“that’s where you’re wrong falco. sometimes, the only person you have is yourself.” 

“that sounds awfully morbid.” eren states. 

the three of you turn your heads to find him standing at your cubicle, backpack strung over his shoulder, as you give him a nod. you drop your laptop into the backpack, zipping it up, as gabi takes her opportunity to argue with eren. 

“that’s literally something that you’ve said to me before.” gabi retorts. 

“right. but i have reason to say that. you’re young. you should be at the club or something.” eren responds. 

that earns him a laugh from falco, who eren shoots a wink to, before turning back to glare at gabi. 

--

eren’s able to snag the two of you a meeting with one of the people at the forefronts of trans-cranial magnetic stimulation research. you have a sneaking inkling that eren elicited some sort of assistance from his dad to get this arranged – or that his last name was enough of a segway in the first place – and it makes you slightly nervous. 

being on such uneven footing, meeting with people who are so important, when you can barely muster your one on one meetings with levi sometimes. 

nile dok. he’s got a nice office in an office building downtown, one of the soaring skyscrapers embedded in the middle of the city. 

“have you ever met nile dok?” you ask. 

eren’s taken aback by the question as the two of you walk in through the roundabout doors, waiting in the small line at the front desk. 

“yeah, uh…i’ve known him since i was a kid. he’s friends with my dad.” he murmurs. 

you give him a nod, mentally deciding that you deserve a sweet treat later for being able to predict that one, as the two of you walk up to the front desk. the girl sitting at the desk has a short bob and an almost pinched smile as she looks up at the two of you. 

“we have a meeting at four with nile dok. the last names are l/n and jaeger.” eren states. 

she gives eren a curt nod as she quickly types the names on her computer, before giving you a satisfied smile, indicating that she’s found the appointment. she reaches to her side drawer and slides two badges across the desk, with a small paper for parking validation. but before you can reach for yours, eren snatches it out of your hand, his eyes narrowed in frustration as he holds it up in front of her face. 

“what is this?” eren asks. 

“her badge?” the girl retorts. 

eren shakes her head. 

“no, no. this is a guest pass. get her a real one.” eren asserts. 

you put your hand on eren’s shoulder, squeezing hard to get his attention, as he drops the guest badge onto the desk and looks over at you. 

“it’s not a big deal, eren.” you murmur. 

he glares at you. 

“why the hell do i deserve a badge with my first and last name on it? did i do something special to deserve that that you didn’t?” he asks. 

you shrug. 

“well, you were the one who got us the meeting.” 

“yeah, i got us the meeting. not just me, you’re part of it too. i don’t entertain any of this guest pass bullshit, so just drop it. print her a real one, please.” eren murmurs. 

he turns back to the girl sitting at the desk, who is now shooting him an apologetic grin, as she types almost frantically on her monitor. you can tell that she’s avoided confrontation too much, that eren’s eyes are a little too piercing, because she’s basically pulling the badge out of the printer to speed up the time. 

and at the end of the excruciating minute, moreso for her than you, she slides a newly minted badge with your name embellished in bright bold letters. it can’t help but enrage eren more for some reason, as he turns to her one last time. 

“was that so hard?” eren asks. 

“it’s standard practice, i apologize. he’ll be on the third floor, last door on the right.” 

eren gives her one last nod before gesturing to you to follow him, to the long glass door at the end of the hallway. the elevator is empty as the two of you step in, a sweet sugary smell – like the remnants of someone’s perfume were left over – and you clear your throat. 

“thank you. for the badge.” 

“just prepare yourself, that’s only the half of it. he may be useful to us now, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s going to act like an asshole when we meet with him.” eren mumbles. 

the elevator whirrs to a stop and you follow eren down the hallway, your eyes whizzing past all of the certifications and awards that are printed on the wall. you note that eren’s dad’s name is included on some of them, that there are pictures of them standing on big stages – cutting ribbons together, holding glass awards – as you wait in the two chairs at the end of the hall. 

“he’s an asshole now?” you whisper. 

eren looks over at you, almost like he’s pissed that you’ve even stomached the courage to ask that question, before he slightly slumps in his chair. his hand is shaking at his side in the slightest, his fingers curled into a fist, as he gives you a nod. 

“he’s been an asshole. maybe even bigger than my dad.” 

you memorize that sentence and catalog it to your memory. 

the disdain in his tone. you never realized that eren wasn’t particularly fond of his dad. and figure that it must be irritating every time he comes around the lab. 

the door opens, a girl gesturing for the two of you to follow her into the office. eren gives you one last tight lipped smile as you enter the room, overwhelmed all together. 

the first thing you note is the smell. it nearly burns your nose – the sharp smell of the alcohol mixed with the heavy smell of the cigarette smoke – as you sit in the chair closest to the door. eren’s at your side, taking his jacket off, before handing it to you and whispering under his breath. 

“cover your legs.” 

you can feel your stomach churn as you listen to his instructions, draping his jacket over the exposed part of your legs, and balling your fists underneath the fabric. 

the second thing that you notice is that nile dok doesn’t look nearly as good as he did in the photos outside. you have a small inkling that the photos outside have to be photoshopped, that he didn’t look half as haggard as he did right now, slumped over his desk chair, and that most of the things that were in this room, were meant to keep up appearances. 

the designer suit that he was wearing. the embossed stationery. mahogany wood. 

“is this your girlfriend, eren?” nile asks. 

you swallow hard. surely he couldn’t be serious. 

“she’s my colleague. why would i bring my girlfriend to a work meeting?” eren seethes. 

“your dad used to do that before he married carla. thought you were taking notes out of his playbook.” 

eren rolls his eyes. 

“i would rather roll over in my grave before i did that. and my mom was his colleague too. she wasn’t his girlfriend back then.” eren notes. 

nile gives him a boisterous laugh, smacking one of his fists down onto the table – enough to make nearly all of the belongings shake on the desk – before turning over to you. you immediately divert your eyes, noting that the carpet has some very dried out stains, one that take a trained eye to notice, and that he must knock over things quiet often. 

and force someone to clean it up. 

“what’s your name, pretty?” he asks. 

“y/n l/n.” you respond. 

“l/n? are you from around here?” he asks. 

you shake your head. 

“i’m from marley.” 

nile gives you a nod. 

“what do your parents do research in?” 

you bite down on your lip, enough to draw a pool of warm, metallic blood into your mouth. 

“they’re business owners back in marley. they don’t do research.” you note. 

“oh. what type of business?” 

“they own a pizza parlor.”

nile gives you a strange look, one that’s enough to summon eren back into the conversation again. 

“they’ve probably worked more in one day than you’ve worked in your entire life, nile. but that’s besides the point. we’ve come here to ask you some questions. both of us.” 

--

“i can drive.” eren offers. 

“sorry, what?” 

“i can drive. you seem tired.” eren states. 

you shake your head. 

“i’m fine.” 

“you don’t have to be so self-sacrificing all the time. i can tell that you’re tired, that the meeting was more jargon that was really relevant to us because that dumbass was trying to show off, that him being an asshole gets tiring very fast, so just let me drive us home.” eren states. 

the tone in his voice indicates that what he’s saying is final, enough for you to relent and place the keys in the palm of his hand before walking around to duck into the passenger seat. and you’re not sure what it is – the fact that eren seemed to be arguing on your behalf, that he seemed more approachable when he was so tired, when the two of you had a common goal – that you ask. 

“nile seems very close with your dad.” 

“what?” eren asks. 

you shrug. 

“the pictures and the certificates and stuff. your dad was in all of them.” you murmur. 

“oh, right. nile’s kind of his prodigy. he used to live in my house.” 

you frown. 

“nile is younger than your dad? and he lived in your house?” 

“y/n, he’s only a few years older than us.” 

“what? why does he look so…ugly? and old?” 

eren coughs out a laugh. you look over to note that he’s smiling, that he’s got a dimple on his left side, and that he looks awfully attractive when he does that. 

“that’s what being an asshole does to you.” eren notes.

you nod. 

“he’s into the exact type of research that my dad does. he came from…from basically nothing and my dad helped him. gave him money for his projects, invested in the company. now, nile’s got a bigger head than he knows what to do with and he feels indebted to my dad so he kisses his ass whatever chance he gets.” eren states. 

“why were you so upset about the badge?” you ask. 

“they’re doing that to purposely undermine you. because you’re a woman.” eren notes. 

you can feel your throat dry. 

“really?” you whisper. 

“i’ve met hundreds of people like nile. you’re going to meet hundreds of people like nile too. and they do shit like that – purposely choose to omit your name from badges so they can call you sweetheart, act like you’re just there as an accessory and not there to actually make conversation – that stuff. just think about it. i listed your name first on our appointment. and yet they still chose to put my name on the badge and not yours.” 

you slump down into your chair. 

“oh. i didn’t realize.” 

“even down to the very principle, learning someone’s name is a simple sign of respect. the bare minimum of what you can do when you’re conversing with someone. and yet they can barely even humble themselves to do that, because they think they’re more important than you.” eren finishes. 

you decide that it’s enough of your curious questions. only because the rest of your curious questions are ones that you sincerely can’t ask. 

did they do that to your mom? 

is that why it annoys you so much when other people do it to me? 

is your mom still a researcher?  

you reach for the aux cord that’s hanging in the middle of the seat, before navigating your way to the playlist of scores that you had made to share with eren. the music is quiet, the instrumental nearly lulling your overwhelmed brain to sleep as you press your forehead against the window. 

“i like alan. from this score.” 

“you’ve watched the imitation game?” you ask. 

eren gives you a nod. 

“it’s a good movie.” eren responds. 

you smile. 

“that movie makes me feel better sometimes. to know that women were part of the forefront of science, even back then. and they had hurdles, endless hurdles that i couldn’t even begin to understand, and they’ve paved the way for me.” 

you take a deep breath. 

“just a reminder that i shouldn’t give up when things are hard for me because they didn’t either, you know?” you whisper. 

eren takes a beat before responding. 

“granted, it’s unfair you’ve got so many hurdles when you’re already so brilliant to begin with. it’s honestly kind of fucking ridiculous sometimes.” 

you can’t fight the urge to smile. 

“you think i’m brilliant?” you jest.

eren rolls his eyes. 

“oh, come on. you know you’re brilliant.” eren responds. 

“what?” 

“you’re the only person in the program who got in without doing the bridge program. you must have some insane work under your belt for erwin, levi, and hange to trust you after meeting you just once or twice. over people they’ve known and taught for years by the way.” 

you narrow your eyes at him. 

“i’m not the only person in the program who got in without doing the bridge program. you’re forgetting someone quite important.” 

eren rolls his eyes. 

“still. you’re brilliant. would do you well to realize that now before some idiot like nile dok tries to make himself more important than you.” 

you look over at him and smile. 

“okay. okay, yeah. i promise.” 

“and hell. you know how to argue with people. i know you’ve got it in you. you’ve been doing with it since you’ve met me. maybe redirect some of your irritation with me towards people like him.” 

you lean back. 

“oh, i’ll doubt i’ll be able to do that. you just bring out something special in me, eren.” you deadpan. 

“oh, i’m sure.” eren retorts back.

--

an: anyways

taglist: @invisible-mori @multiplefandomthings @chericos @wheredidmycrowngo @chaoticpxnda @aizzon @stuffeddeer @butterfly-skinnylegend @najaemism @hellokitty-doll @constanciandrea @iblamesusy @jaegersdiary @f4irygard3n @misadear @fell-4-u @coyloves @sobbangchan @you-always-made-me-blush @th0tformikasa @yell0wdreams @itzmeme @elliesbabygirl @miniaturemartian @differentrunawayperson @k0z3me @stroberiz @stillnotherapy @cherryredribbons @bsenpai @cacapeepee @pickuptruck01 @jaegersity

[gotham-daydreams]

Hi hi! Anon that can easily stay stuck in their imagination here-

I'm so glad you answered my ask!! And yeah in a situation like not [] where they will try very hard to not physically hurt the reader a case where they will is more difficult. Honestly it depends on the person's will.

Most people can't take torture nor can that take having their independence taken away.

And while the reader in not [] is very much more angry than numb to them at the end of part 3, I feel it takes a lot to be broken.

Personally spite would keep me from giving in. I don't have a lot to ask for but basic decency and admittance of guilt but the batfam is too prideful and selfish to ever do such a thing.

And I live with pain all the time so being in more pain isn't ideal but it's not something I couldn't handle. In the case were my limbs are taken they only thing they can't take from me is my mind

I mean they could always try other methods, drugs and surgeries (lobotomy is such a horrifying concept fr) and such but honestly doing that would be completely destroying what once was.

The batfam is mostly selfish to the point where they are obsessed with the IDEA of reader not who they actually are. A part of me would hope that in destroying who reader was they would feel remorse and do what's right but the other part of me doubts that.

It would take a lot for them to actually feel to do what's right and at that point what's right is taking reader out back for a final send off.

But in such a case where the mind is gone then you really have nothing but a shattered vase. You can try putting it back together but you'll never succeed. A broken vase is much easier to fix than a shattered one after all.

Overall I have enough spite and mostly enough pain tolerance to stick through my decision of staying with my head in the clouds

In all honestly the human body can only last so long when the person in the body has no will to exist. You can feed it and bathe it, take care of that bag of flesh made to carry your bones and organs with all the right ingredients, but the brain knows when the metaphorical heart isn't in it and will only last so long, no amount of reviving can fix that sadly

It's why I wouldn't mind being kidnapped if they would actually take the steps to put their pride and selfish nature away. Yeah staying trapped in the manor sucks but continuing on with the forgive and forget attitude is a surefire way to get one to despise your guts.

I'm so glad you have returned for a bit!! I apologize for rambling in your ask box I am a certified yapper and hopefully all my yapping doesn't sound as scatterbrained as it does in my head-

Stay safe!! Don't forget to hydrate! I hope you have a lovely day or night

YES!!! YOU GET IT!! HAHA!

Also don't even worry about it, I love all of these long submissions and such and they are such a joy to read!!! I hope you have an amazing day/afternoon/night as well, and again, don't even worry! I'm a certified yapper too LMAO

But seriously you so get it and I love you for that anon! The family is so fixated on the idea of the reader moreso than them as an actual person. They, ultimately, care more about feeding their own delusions and ideas of what could be - and they do that through the reader. Misery loves company, after all, and what I was also basically trying to get at with the previous post which is, well-

They'll grasp at straws. They'll tear away at everything, and destroy whatever they 'have to', and anything that gets in the way if it means getting what they want. No matter how broken it is, they'll keep replacing parts- and even if it'll never be the same, even if you will never be the same, as long as you look the same, and physically are the same person... well, they'll keep that. They'll take what they can get, and they'll make sure of that above all else - even if it means essentially losing you in the process.

If anything, I also feel like my other previous posts I've made today support that- LMAO

That they'll absolutely destroy you, only to physically keep you around, and whereas they'll all have their own methods of treating you and keeping you around - as I do doubt that all of them will be so selfish and self centered to not even try to apologize or work things out in a semi civil manner - its still ultimately harmful regardless. Though, that's mainly because of their borderline obsession with progress.

Specifically, for the Not [ ] Series (and I hope this'll show in Chapter 4 as it is sort of why things go down the way they do), why things have ultimately turned this way and why they get so messy so quickly is because of that obsession of progress. Obviously, they want to be with the reader and be the totally happy family that they never were - but they're biggest problem is that they're impatient. They're impatient and the reader... well, they basically aren't giving the family any avenues to make progress-

WHICH IS OKAY!! It's perfectly fine to want space and time just... away from others, especially if they are the ones that hurt you so deeply and greatly affected their life. Especially when, like the reader, the family made them suffer alone and by themself for years. They were essentially isolated and kept away from everyone except for Alfred, and no one encouraged them. No one was there for them at all, and as they express and say in Chapter 3 - they feel like their efforts were in vain. Everything was all for not, and it's okay to want to be away from that, even if the family technically didn't do anything, because it was ultimately their inaction that caused this in the first place.

The reader just needs space because, until a few months ago, they were around and stuck in a place where they felt unneeded, unwanted, and just... alone. They want more of that space so that they can clear their head and finally focus on what they want to do in their life, because now they're actually getting a chance to actually live their life and they love it! So the prospect of going back.. of being in the mansion again? Of going back to that horrible, isolating life? They can't do it. Especially when they can't bring themself to believe that the family's intentions are genuine. Especially when they just don't want to 'risk' things going back to how they were, because god damn it- they just started living their life!! And it's like the family is trying to take that away again.

Nevertheless, the family will still try to do what they can to get what they want, and if Chapter 4 will show anything, is that when given no room... they'll make it. They'll rip and tear, and most importantly, they'll take.

I feel like the end of Chapter 4, and subsequently- the beginning of Chapter 5 (if i write it how i think I will when i get to that point) will definitely spawn all the spite and dread someone will need for a lifetime, believe me! And honestly I have all hopes for people like you being able to withstand the torment that will come from most of the family. Though, I will also say that, or course, that is most of them.

Push comes to shove, hell, at least Alfred will have you with how reasonable he'll seem - with him definitely beinf the most guilty when it comes to making others out to be worse than they are, and acting as your savior. Both literally and figuratively as he will comfort you and, as usual, act as a voice of reason with some much added sass thrown in there.

I also feel like Bruce, despite his own pride, would also sit down and talk it out - and I won't go into much detail here as it will be shown in Chapter 4, but let's just say he'll try. He may not be very successful as he is a man of few words at his core, but I'll say that he won't be one of the people impulsively tearing off any limbs, that's for sure!

Barbara is in a similar boat as she'll try to reason and talk things out, but she isn't one of the family members 'living' with you, so...

Aaand I won't go too indepth with the others as I feel this post in long enough- though just note as well that Selina would try to be another voice of reason (and also manipulation), and so would Duke - who would try to also hold people back from doing anything 'rash' (since, if anyone is going to not only seem reasonable, but also feel genuine, it would be him. hands down. and sure, maybe it'd be Dick... if the whole argument didn't happen LMAO) if they were in the series, which... I'll definitely try to include them going forward as they are apart of the Batfam- I just didn't have a means to include them into the series, and now that it's lowley wrapping up... well, I think it's just best to include them elsewhere!

Nevertheless, thanks for sending this in! I really enjoyed reading it, along with the first one you sent in as well! I love long submissions so much (though any submission/ask makes me happy as hell), and, again, this was really fun!! I always love a good excuse to yap too, as you can tell...

Regardless, again, have an amazing day/afternoon/night, anon!!! You get it fr 💛💛💛

And if I misread or misunderstood anything... feel free to correct me! I read pretty fast and tend to skip over words and such by accident, which is... hilarious considering things, but yeah! I'm sorry if I misunderstood anything, but regardless, again, this has been fun and I love you 💛

[kitashousewife]

FUZZY BRAIN

an: im distracting myself but i haven't stopped thinking about this idea. so thought i would give it a spin. super super loosely based on my interpretation of fuzzybrain by dayglow!

pairings: timeskip!kuroo x fem!reader

warnings: slight angst, stress mentions, eating and drinking mentions, kuroo needs a nap :/

-

"how's your day going?"

"no, i don't need a receipt."

a very confused barista stares back at kuroo, who blinks back at her.

"wait, sorry," he grimaces and shakes his head. "my day is alright, how is yours?"

she responds, but he isn't really paying attention. lately, he hasn't been able to focus on much of anything. he grabs his coffee and heads back to the office, forgetting the embarrassing conversation before sitting down.

spring had finally arrived in japan, bringing an onslaught of responsibilities along with it. like the blossoms floating in the wind, different tasks and deadlines seemed to float their way onto kuroo's plate. his planner is full, daily agendas scribbled into whatever room remains. nothing seems to slow down. each item he crosses off is replaced with a new one in a matter of minutes.

he's scatterbrained.

"remember, we have that marketing meeting at five kuroo-san," one of his colleagues pats him on the back while sneaking behind his desk.

"oh, that's right," kuroo mumbles, flipping through the pages of his planner, finally reaching today's date. staring back at him, among the six other important things due today, is the meeting. highlighted, circled, and underlined. "see ya then."

he leans back and groans.

at this point, the due dates and deadlines aren't bothering him. he's almost numb, but comfortably so. he's found comfort in the hustle of it all, avoiding having nothing to do. his mind craves being busy.

his body disagrees.

kuroo's aching fingers rub at his eyes, preparing himself to stare at his computer monitor for the next few hours. dark circles have formed underneath his eyes, unmoving. his head throbs, but when is it not lately?

"kuroo-san, ushijima wakatoshi's manager called just now and wants to speak with you," one of the department's secretaries taps her palm on his desk, causing the mound of papers to slide slightly. his typing continues, and kuroo doesn't even notice.

"kuroo-san?"

his head shoots up. "sorry, did you say something?"

she gives him a sad smile.

"no, it's nothing. i'll tell them to call back."

as she clicks back to her desk, kuroo's brows furrow, before he cringes. just like this morning.

he's not sure how he got to this point. kuroo's always prided himself on his quick wit and problem-solving skills, as well as his hard work. he wouldn't have been able to imagine himself like this. overworked, exhausted, brain full of fuzz, and eyes bloodshot.

he doesn't recognize himself sometimes.

the day trudges on, the phone ringing constantly along with a steady flow of messages in his inbox. he crosses things off on his list, finally reaching the end. he smiles, with relief or pride he isn't quite sure. soon enough, it's time for his meeting, which means it's almost time to go home.

-

kuroo stumbles out of the door of his building, quickly brought to reality by the honk of a taxi and the shuffle of other commuters. he sighs, beginning the walk home.

it's times like these when he's thankful to live so close to work. all he wants is to get home, shower, and sleep. he smiles again, so close to being in the comfort of his own space, when his stomach growls.

then he frowns.

kuroo groans for what must be the tenth time today when he realizes that despite all of his meticulous planning and record keeping, he's forgotten to get groceries this week. at this point, he's past all of his regular takeout places. closing his eyes with sigh, he crosses the street to enter the small neighborhood market.

his fingers rub against his tight neck, sliding around to loosen his tie before grabbing a basket. he wracks his brain, attempting to come up with any dinner ideas for the evening. nearly walking into the door, kuroo tries to remember what's in his fridge at the moment.

"welcome in!"

"you too," he half waves at the cashier, their own waving hand slowly falling in confusion. kuroo remembers the chicken in his fridge, and finally begins to form a menu. he grabs a few veggies, an extra bag of rice, and heads into the last isle. his hand grabs a bottle of oil, and he stops.

his brows pinch together, staring down the bottle in his hand. why did i grab this?

he shakes his head. his mind races, trying to remember any sort of thoughts he had before grabbing this. he blinks, running recipes through his mind before letting out an irritating huff.

"what is this even for?"

"frying things, usually,"

"what?"

you blink up at him, grabbing ingredients of your own for your basket. his eyes widen.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry. i don't-" he cuts himself off. "i'm so tired."

confused at his sudden raw honesty with a stranger, he scratches the back of his head.

"don't worry about it," you reach for a bottle of your own. "i've been there."

his fingers tap the side of his basket.

"how did you cope?"

you smile at him.

"it's okay to take a break. i mean i don't know what you do for work," you gesture towards his tie. he looks down at it and chuckles. "but everyone deserves to rest."

he nods. he could cry, honestly. this is the first real, non-work-related conversation he's had in weeks.

"making something good?"

he laughs. "i can't remember."

your wrist spins your basket at your side. you do feel for this stranger. the second you walked into the aisle, you noticed how tired he looked. the vacant stare and slow blinks said it all.

"you need to eat."

he snorts. "i don't think i have the energy to cook anything. i'm trying to talk myself out of swapping all of this for a frozen pizza,"

you smile, holding up your basket, displaying just that.

"nothing wrong with that!"

every second kuroo spends talking to you in this too-crowded aisle is melting the stress from his shoulders. he's tired, so tired but he doesn't want this to end.

"i want to see you," he slides the basket further up his arm, patting his pockets with his palms. "again i mean. i want to see you again. can i?"

you look up at the handsome stranger again, smiling when you notice a grin of his own.

"s-sure. need a pen?"

"if you've got one. i don't think i'd be able to remember a phone number tonight."

you dig in your purse for a pen, flipping an old receipt over to scribble your name and number down for him. after you hand it to him, he repeats your name.

"i'm kuroo, kuroo tetsuro. sorry for not introducing myself earlier," he mumbles, suddenly feeling a little shy. his vulnerability catching up to him at last.

"well kuroo, i hope you remember to call." you place the frozen pizza in his basket and walk towards the check stands. "cause i would love to see you."

kuroo smiles wide, the words he was going to say dying on the tip of his tongue.

while he enjoys his frozen pizza that night, still in his work clothes on the couch, he calls you.

he decides before the sun even sets that he's calling out tomorrow. he's going to sleep in, as long as his body allows. and he's going to see you. but this time he will give you his full attention.

kuroo's not a believer in fate, but you just might make him one.

[amass0fvoices]

Genuinely a little bit heartbroken rn

I finished Hi-Fi Rush today. It took me a little over 3 and a half weeks between work and life, but it’s been in my brain constantly since I started it

But I’m sad because the person that got me interested in it, whose art was the first time I ever saw the characters, isn’t on tumblr anymore. And either im too scatterbrained to remember any of the tags I reblogged their stuff with, or the search function has just gotten more messed up over the 6 months I didn’t look at tumblr. I’m for sure at least too scatterbrained to remember what their blog was called. I thought I did, but I was thinking of someone else.

I wanna tell them how much I loved playing it. That there wasn’t a point where I stopped playing because I was bored. I only put down the controller when I had to. I loved it so much, after I beat it on Xbox and my brother decided it was his turn, I bought it and all of the dlc on steam. I wanna tell them I’ve been playing the soundtrack constantly for weeks and what songs I’ve had on repeat for days. I wanna ask them what their favorite stage was, what boss they had the most fun with, what’s their high score for rhythm tower, if they’ve beaten any stages on rhythm master or not, what combos do they use the most

Fuck.

[pikatrainer99]

Sinnoh Trio character analysis (headcanon supportive) SPOILER WARNING FOR A POKÉSPE MANGA ARC THAT IS OVER A DECADE OLD AT THIS POINT BUT STILL, JUST IN CASE! 😅

This post is a follow-up to my post where I drew the Sinnoh Trio as TBH (autism) creatures. That is my personal headcanon and today I'm going to analyze these kids, and go more in-depth on why I hold this headcanon. I'm going to focus on one character at a time here, followed by a scene analysis of a particular important moment...so this will be a long post because these kids are SO neurodivergent and I love them so much.

First up, we have Pearl, who is my favorite of the Sinnoh Trio and the one I relate to the most. My personal headcanon for him is that he is AuDHD (both autistic and ADHD). I also headcanon him to have an anxiety disorder (specifically GAD) because he is constantly freaking out over pretty much everything (which is so relatable as someone who has GAD myself). There's so many panels that show his anxiety that I honestly can't pick ones to include here...

Anyway, on to the ADHD, Pearl exhibits many traits. He is constantly on the move and impatient and loud, and wants everything to be done immediately. He's energetic and much faster compared to Diamond and Platinum, even to the point of always being the first one to wake up every morning. This is, in my opinion, the ADHD side of him, it reminds me a lot of my ADHD brothers who act like this often. Because of these traits, I personally feel like Pearl has the hyperactive type of ADHD rather than the inattentive type, as he is shown to be not scatterbrained and is capable of focusing on whatever he's doing quite well, even able to go into hyperfocus mode at times, which is an extremely ND thing to do (and is common in both autism and ADHD). He is also the most rational of the trio, which I always found interesting that they actually gave the Barry counterpart the brain cell. So yeah, he's hyperactive, but to me he doesn't seem to have many issues with his attention span.

Now, onto Pearl's autism, which I feel more confident to talk about because I'm autistic myself and I know what to look for in terms of traits and behaviors, and the first thing I noticed with Pearl is that he has a CLEAR special interest in comedy. He's INCREDIBLY passionate about it, he's the one who decided that he and Diamond should become a comedy duo, he's the one who writes all their scripts and all their sketches, he's the one who always initiates practice time, and he's DEFINITELY the one who takes it the most seriously out of the duo, to the point where he had (what seems like to me) a legit meltdown about how Diamond didn't stick to the script and how awful their performance in the comedy competition was because of it, complete with yelling, nearly bursting into tears, and being afraid that Diamond was breaking the promise they'd made to become comedians all the way back when they were 4 years old. Looking back on it now, I think THAT was his biggest problem with the whole situation and what caused him to completely explode like that in the first place, because once Diamond reassures him that he's not breaking the promise, Pearl IMMEDIATELY cheers up and tells him "No use moping about today then!" when that was EXACTLY what he was doing just seconds ago. He then initiates practice time for NEXT MONTH'S comedy competition, his mind ALREADY hyperfocusing on their next opportunity...and this is their INTRODUCTION SCENE! This all LITERALLY happens within the first few pages of volume 1 of the DP arc! Here's the scene I'm talking about.

Also in regards to his special interest in comedy, there's something he does with Diamond that I've gotta talk about...and that's using the comedy routines as their own special way of communicating. They use it almost as if it's their own language, they use it to process things, they use it to give hints to Platinum when she's battling, they even use it when they meet someone new as kind of a judge of their character (in the minds of these children, if they make the person laugh, the person can be trusted, if not, stay away...that kinda thing). He even outright tells Platinum that he uses it to communicate through rhythm. I always found it interesting how they used the comedy like that, and it definitely helps with my belief that it is in fact, a special interest for them, as special interests do actually be like that, I speak from experience. Here's some examples of this usage of the comedy routines.

Another thing about Pearl that I noticed is he's REALLY not good at communicating how he's feeling or what's on his mind. He also is (brutally at times) honest, speaks his mind, and doesn't sugarcoat things. He can come off as rude and bossy because of this, even though he's really a good kid. This is something I relate to because I'm the same way, I also struggle with communicating my thoughts and feelings, and I'm also brutally honest, speak my mind and don't sugarcoat things. I have been perceived as rude and bossy so many times in my life it's not even funny. Another thing I find relatable about Pearl is that he can't lie to save his life (neither can I), here's a good example of such a moment.

(Uh-huh...SUUUURRRREEEE ya did, Pearl XD)

Also, while we're on the topic of expression, Pearl is VERY hyperexpressive, which is once again, very much an ND thing (I am hyperexpressive a lot of the time myself)...he almost always reacts to basically anything in an over-the-top, exaggerated way, compared to Diamond and Platinum's more calm and composed approach to things...I'm seriously thinking of doing a post of all of my favorite Pearl expressions because he's got so many great ones!

Pearl seems to exhibit low empathy (a stark contrast to Diamond's hyperempathy), but he really does care about his friends and will even help wild Pokémon. The wild Luxio that he helped in the chapter titled "Extreme Luxio" is one of my favorite Pokémon in the whole manga and his dynamic with it is very wholesome. He figures out that it's being ostracized by its pride because of the fact that it's disabled - its claws are too short, which makes it harder for it to communicate with the others in its pride. Pearl helps it out, and even says to the others, "Listen all of you, it's got a disability, and can't communicate as clearly as the rest of you! That's no reason to reject it!" He was quite angered by this situation and when you put my headcanon into perspective here, it's quite easy to see why. But anyway, point is, he went out of his way to advocate for and help a disabled Pokémon, and it leads to one of the best Trainer/Pokémon bonds in the series in my opinion, as the Luxio comes back later, now a Luxray and the leader of its pride...and decides to become one of Pearl's Pokémon. That moment is so sweet and wholesome and I'll just leave the picture of their reunion here for you guys. Look at them hug! They're so happy to see each other again!

Pearl also seems to have hypersensitive hearing (as do I), as demonstrated when he hears someone who's basically lost his voice calling out for help from a ways away.

He also experienced what I can't help but percieve as sensory overload in the Old Chateau when all the Gastly were hovering around the place making vibrations that were so loud it shook the room and it overwhelmed him a lot. I get it Pearl, that would be too much for me too...just look at his reactions here, he's clearly in pain.

I also sometimes can't help but feel like Pearl is unaware of his own strength, like when he hits Diamond in their comedy routines...I get the feeling that he doesn't quite understand that he's hitting Diamond way too hard, as he seems shocked and taken aback when Diamond finally stands up to him and tells him he's not happy with everything he's been doing lately. Diamond makes it a point to make Pearl aware of how much getting smacked by him hurts...all I can say is, good for Dia, but judging from Pearl's reactions to his best friend's words...oof...just look for yourselves...

My takeaway from this scene is that Pearl was being made aware of all this for the first time, and not only felt like a bad friend, but also, he was once again afraid that Diamond would leave him...which he really REALLY didn't want, and I totally get why, considering how long they've been friends and how much like brothers those two are (though Pearl is SO parentified during their journey it's insane and it's another HUGE stressor for him which does NOT do his anxiety any good). And now that I've decided to open THAT can of worms, I might just do a post about it as well. Because...yeah it's not good considering the fact that HE IS 12!!! Still very much A CHILD!!!

At least Pearl learns from his mistakes, which I really love his development. After his and Diamond's fight, he learns to mellow out a bit (that says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about his anxiety though). You can really tell that losing Diamond's friendship...that is one thing he absolutely DOES NOT want, and he makes a conscious effort to improve his treatment of him. He starts by not hitting Diamond in their comedy routines anymore, and even letting him come up with his own joke instead of always doing it himself and forcing his own ideas onto him. While he still yells a lot, it's mostly out of worry for his friends now rather than pure anger towards them. He even learns how to put himself in Diamond's shoes at one point, during his fight to protect Azelf from Team Galactic. I love this moment btw, it's a great moment of realization for him.

All in all, in my opinion, Pearl is an amazing AuDHD character who goes through a great character arc (and unfortunately, a trauma arc as well, as per usual with PokéSpe protags...there's NO WAY he doesn't have PTSD after all he went through in both the DP and PT arcs, I refuse to believe he's fine after all that), and I absolutely wholeheartedly love this child like he's my own son. Now for the next member of the Sinnoh Trio...Diamond!

Diamond, in my opinion, is EASILY a hyperempathic autistic child...his Dexholder title is literally "The Empathizer" and he is associated with Mesprit, the Pokémon known as the Being of Emotion. He is the only member of the trio with more than one special interest from what I can see. His are comedy (which he shares with Pearl, but his interest is to a lesser extent than Pearl), cooking (which he's extremely good at and takes very seriously), and a TV show called Proteam Omega (which his enthusiasm for it is way too adorable honestly).

Diamond is the most impulsive member of the trio, which like how they gave the Barry counterpart the brain cell, I find it interesting that they made the Lucas counterpart the impulsive one. He possesses a strong sense of justice and wants to do what he believes is right, including stand up to Cyrus, much to Pearl's dismay (this was actually the catalyst for their big fight in volume 4). He is very intuitive, his emotional intelligence is mostly intuition to him and he's also much, MUCH more perceptive than he lets on, for example he knew the whole thing with him and Pearl being Platinum's bodyguards was a misunderstanding from the beginning, but he didn't say anything about it because he was enjoying their time together and didn't want it to end. Here's that scene where he reveals he knew all along.

Diamond is a very calm, laid-back, "go with the flow" kind of kid. But I think this is because he's constantly feeling A LOT...he's extremely empathic, so he picks up on others' emotions easily and it happens so much he just keeps it all in and resorts to being incredibly calm throughout it all. When he DOES get upset or serious though, he's like a whole different person. He's hard to anger, but he is absolutely capable of getting angry. His anger though, is the tranquil fury kind. He's not explosive like Pearl, but rather, he gets much more serious and intense. Here's an example of angry Diamond.

(He angy boi.)

Diamond is also an easy crier, of the Sinnoh Trio, he's the one who is the easiest to bring to tears...which I can't stand...everytime any of these three cry it breaks my heart...and we'll talk about the scene that's the biggest offender of that soon. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Diamond is the one who's most in tune with his emotions, compared to Pearl and Platinum, who struggle with that. It makes sense though considering his hyperempathy. Also, can I take a minute to mention that he has the type of big eyes that are similar to the TBH creature...? Yes...? Okay. He does. I saw a post about this recently and it's so true! His eyes are so similar to TBH it's not even funny! And it makes total sense too, that's the best part!

Diamond is more of a pacifist than Pearl and Platinum. He's a pure, sweet soul who can do no wrong. He doesn't like conflict, he much prefers to make people smile instead. I love this about him, I don't think there's a PokéSpe protag that actually acts their age as much as Diamond does. In my opinion Diamond is a precious autistic bean and I absolutely love him like a son as well. Now for the final member of the Sinnoh Trio...Platinum Berlitz!

Platinum is definitely a masker, she's incredibly good at passing for NT (probably because of her upbringing). But there are definitely cracks in that mask that I've picked up on. First, her special interest, which is learning and experiencing new things. She says that back home she always read a dozen books a day, but seeing her actually experiencing the things she'd read about and having so much fun is great, she throws herself wholeheartedly into everything she tries, it's honestly adorable. She is also a bad liar, though she at first "lies" all the time, even though Pearl sees right through it and catches her everytime. Here's some examples.

Platinum is a stimmer. Plain and simple. She moves her arms up and down really fast when she's excited about something, and it's often accompanied by her saying "New experiences! New experiences!" in a sing-song voice.

(Why is she so adorable?!)

She is also an infodumper...a MASSIVE infodumper...just look at this scene with Thorton as just one example.

Platinum is also not the best with words, and finds that writing is the most effective way for her to organize her thoughts and feelings, as well as communicate them (relatable). She says so herself in volume 5, after finding out the truth that Diamond and Pearl are not her real bodyguards, and the scene of her reading the letter is so wholesome I love it so much!

Another thing I've noticed with Platinum is that she is a mimicker (something I myself did A LOT as a child), despite all her attempts to deny it. She often copies things she sees the others doing, even mimicking...SMACKING HERSELF...at one point, as seen here, complete with quietly saying to herself "Stop it! Stop it!"

She also has the capability to hyperfocus, particularly on details (when she thought that Diamond and Pearl were her bodyguards because green and red scarves were what she was told about them and since the boys had green and red scarves she immediately latched on to that specific detail despite everything else about them screaming that they're just kids). She also hyperfocuses when she's playing the slot machines in the Veilstone Game Corner in what is probably one of my favorite scenes in the manga, it's so funny! Because of that intense focus though, she is INCREDIBLY good at the slot machines which is hilarious to me considering she is like the richest person in Sinnoh and yet she still becomes addicted to gambling. I dunno, that scene is just funny, okay? I mean, look at her! She's so hyperfocused on it and it's just great!

Platinum is my favorite rich girl character in any media ever, and the fact that she's autistic coded in my opinion really helps with that as well. But she's also just a sweetheart who loves learning things and is just such a precious child. They're all precious children and I love them all so much. They are my fictional children and I would die for them.

Now, time for the scene that gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME...the scene where they split up to try and protect the three lakes. Pearl goes to Lake Valor, Diamond to Lake Verity, and Platinum to Lake Acuity. On their first morning separated from each other, they wake up and realize everything is so different now that the Pokédex isn't beeping. They all talk to themselves about their morning routine, Pearl gets up first, and is always the first in the lobby, then Platinum comes down afterwards, then Diamond comes after that...and the Pokédex always beeps to let them know that everyone's there together...but now it's not making a peep. Once they realize that, they all start crying and breaking down...and it's heartbreaking to read every single time. Just look at these poor kids...

Taking my headcanon into account here, I see this scene as not only being sad that they're separated from each other, but also the stress of their routine being broken for the first time since their journey started. The way they all recite step by step how their morning routine always went when they were together, and then just start breaking down when the realization hits that everything's different now...yeah, I relate to that feeling, if my routines are broken, I get real thrown off, recite how it's supposed to be, and then break down...it's very similar to what the Sinnoh Trio are experiencing in this scene. I would analyze more scenes but this post is already way too long as it is, so I'll leave it at just this one.

Well, that's it for my headcanon supportive analysis of the Sinnoh Trio from PokéSpe! These three are my favorite characters in the manga and this headcanon is one I will hold till the day I die. My two main beliefs I hold about these kids are this headcanon, and "Do Not Separate Them!"

I hope you all can understand where I'm coming from with all this headcanon stuff. Also, headcanon deniers, you STAY AWAY from this and do not interact with this! I know it's not canon, that's why it's called a HEADcanon...I don't force my headcanons onto other people, I just talk about them, so I don't need headcanon deniers forcing their "canon" beliefs onto me!

Thank you for reading, and I hope you all enjoyed this analysis! Please feel free to let me know how I did in the comments, and if you support this headcanon and think I missed anything, please let me know what I missed! This is only my second time doing this in my life after all, so I'm not used to this kinda stuff and I'm pretty nervous about it honestly.

[fruitless-vain]

This walk started a bit of a nightmare but got progressively better. Started with a white fluff getting an inch from Yoshis face lunging, snapping, and barking at her. There was AMPLE room for this person to move over and pull their leash in but they made 0 effort to do so. I had to yank Yoshi up by the leash in to my arms to get her out of that otherwise she was absolutely about to get bit. Why. Didn’t. You. Just. Move. Over. I was crushed against a wall with 0 way to move why?????? Did you happily let that happen???? Wtf were you thinking????????????

Absolutely pissed off. She seemed to shake it off quite well as we passed a few other dogs after the fact, first one she fell back a bit more for and notably a lot more observant but each subsequent dog she got more and more relaxed with so at least she was able to move past it. Even to the point of having her on the inside leg passing the final dog of the day again.

Sham did quite well! Started off scatterbrained and trying to greet dogs, but still 0 whining! The final dog on his side was a pully Jack Russel trying to reach him which sham looked at, veered a bit towards it then caught himself, heeled, and focused!!! Amazing! Best boy!

Tons of auto check ins from him today, lots of focus around geese and squirrels, offering more focus passing people, and lots of check ins while passing various dogs! Such massive improvement over just these last two weeks or so where his brain has just really been putting the pieces together!

[seafoamchild]

another new year. we stayed in and watched Point Break for NYE. i reflected a little bit on 2024 and it was not an easy year. i was so depressed and anxious for most of it, especially at the beginning when i didn't know what i was going to do after moving out. i started a new relationship, moved out, traveled a lot. did not really have a home and lived out of suitcases and trash bags for like almost 5 months! no wonder i was stressed.

sober january was really fun, going to museums and drinking mocktails and exploring. our trip to florida was perfect and amazing. costa rica sucked; i learned that my mom's cousin who i looked up to all these years is actually one of those "i'm gonna heal myself with meditation and mushroom journeys and i'm such a compassionate badass woman who runs my own company" when actually she was one of the most self-centered and scatterbrained people i've met in quite a while, and her "company" was a joke. she had wild, unchecked ADHD and it was so annoying.

it was particularly annoying because i see so much of the same ADHD things in myself. the more i read about it, the more i'm certain i have it. it's affected me in tremendous ways. i started feeling like i was really stupid in high school because i started to get bad grades in math classes. i almost failed statistics. and it wasn't for lack of trying - i tried really hard and went in for extra help all the time. and i would always fuck up the tests because i missed a negative sign or a decimal place or some other little detail. it was always the little details that i would overlook. so i struggled in math and science, even though the concepts interested me - the tests made me feel so goddamn stupid and i got very depressed.

when i think about the whole decade of my 20s, so much seems obviously ADHD related - horrible experience in college, totally unwilling to take any classes that were "boring", very interested in doing drugs. unable to tolerate the same job for more than several months, maybe a year. i mean, to this DAY i have never had the same job for more than like, a year and a half with no extended breaks in between. i also couldn't live in the same place for long. my record is three and a half years. i would get SO bored and miserable after a while and the craving for dopamine/novelty was so overpowering that i HAD to go travel or do some seasonal job. i was an orchard worker, a landscaper, a conservation corps worker, a server, a bartender, a struggling web designer, a fruit seller, a kiwi picker, and an English teacher in Vietnam.

and i still cannot formulate an idea or a plan for what i want to do because i cannot focus long enough on something that is stressful. like today i sat down with my laptop with the intent of looking for career counselors and jobs and i ended up signing up for a bunch of paid medical studies and buying a new pair of running shoes. at the slightest bit of frustration or overwhelm (my tolerance is low) i start shutting down and feeling like i'm such a failure who is incapable of completing simple tasks. everything feels SO HARD. EVERYTHING. how i have to use so much sustained energy just to listen to someone who is talking to me and half the time i find that my mind has wandered and i didn't hear what they said. how my brain NEVER shuts up and it feels like there are 200 youtube videos playing at once, like all the time. as soon as i close my eyes to go to sleep, no matter how tired i am, my mind is like a tornado of thoughts and songs and ideas and scenarios and imagined conversations and random memories from 10 years ago.

i am just tired and frustrated and i feel isolated and alone. i don't have a therapist here yet because i haven't gotten my insurance card yet so i haven't been able to look for one. but i'm so tired of feeling like i'm trying to accomplish a task and then instead end up doing 12 things that aren't that task and feeling like i've failed and wasted time. i'm tired of not being able to finish what i start because the dopamine runs out and i get bored. and i'm tired of having so mcuh emotional dysregulation. i need help!

[cgetbrmj]

Guys this is so insignificant and doesn't matter to anyone but me BUT today I had such a Little™ moment and wjsbfheken

So like, I'm at the end of my last year of schooling for now right (should mention that I'm not a minor somewhere - anyway) and there's this guy who's like a year older than me who's training to be a teacher and comes to help this one class I'm in (that's basically just a for fun class that nodoby tries that hard in)

And like he's kinda cute and funny and we get on well so I spend a lot of time in that class talking to him but he's so scatterbrained that half of the time that he's trying to get me to do work we just end up distracting each other and getting more sidetracked right

And anyway point of the story is that that was happening and we were laughing about something and then he smiled at me and said "okay we really need to get you on task now, kiddo" and

AAAAHHHHHHHH

You know? Because that shit made me so baby brain kiddy mode little and I'm not going to stop thinking about this for a WHILE now good god

Anyway I just needed to get that out of my system, love yall thanks for listening to my rambles once again xoxo

[catchildren]

Author’s Note: Soft Launching some characters here! Not sure if they will go anywhere, so they’re nameless for now. Also a small piece! I haven’t written in a while, so I’m just trying to stretch my creative muscles here.

Content Warnings: Captivity, heavy memory confusion, dubiously consensual nudity / stripping, mentioned past drugging & physical abuse,

Dynamic Warnings: Female Whumper / Female Whumpee, Whumper referred to as a “Guardian” (No relation between Whumper & Whumpee, 18+ Whumpee)

A ray of light—real, genuine sunlight and not the artificial dim fluorescent hanging above them—slithered its way into the white room. What once was imagined to be a blessing, prayed upon while falling asleep over and over again, now seemed only to be another way to inflict pain. Whumpee’s bleary eyes could barely even handle the sight, and on instinct, she had no choice but to look away.

“That’s not what I raised you to do,” a low voice spoke out, the familiar condescension oozing from every word, even when unintentionally. The figure pushed forward, striding across the distance until she stood mere inches away from Whumpee. Not quite close enough, not yet. Just standing. Watching. “Up.”

On wobbly knees, Whumpee obeyed without question, finally meeting her guardian’s eyes. The way the halo of light around the older woman shifted and shined, it blared into the younger’s much more sensitive gaze, yet she persisted, no matter how much it hurt. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m grateful you came to visit.” The words came out so quietly, she second-guessed if she really said them at all, or merely thought them into existence. Her only proof came at the shake of a head and a soft tsk.

“You should be,” Whumper replied coldly, those familiar ice-blue eyes baring into her figure. The kind of scrutinizing gaze that Whumpee always shivered under. So many years, and she still felt the urge to shy away. “Now—” Whumper closed the distance, giving Whumpee a light pat on the head as the space between them melted away. “—Do you know what day it is, dear?”

A silence fell between the two. Whumpee’s head turned to the side as she wracked her brain for an answer. How long had it been since Whumper last arrived? What did they do last time, again? The lack of response, naturally, received a grip on her chin, tilting it forward Whumper once again.

“Still scatterbrained as ever?” The question came bluntly, yet not unkindly. That was Whumper’s way, always. Tough love, she’d put it once, after needing to drug Whumpee after a particularly bad attempt to leave their home. That’s why she lost her bedroom privileges, after all. How long had it been since she’d had a window again?

“Whumpee.” Again, came the firm voice, along with a tighter grip. “I believe I asked a question.”

“I don’t know, ma’am,” she answered truthfully in turn. “Still scatterbrained. What day is it?”

Whumper sighed once again, patting Whumpee on the shoulders as she turned the younger one around. Her hands immediately found her way to the tie of Whumpee’s nightgown, tugging at the string with a palpable annoyance. “It’s your medical check, of course. What else would it be?” With her words, the gown fell down to her feet faster than she could quite react, leaving her bare back on full display.

“... Today?” Whumpee asked warily. Despite her misgivings, she didn’t move. She tried once, and what a mess that had turned out. She wasn’t able to walk for … how long was it? A fear of further confrontation, though, won out against the desire to ask Whumper.

Besides, she was already distracted, cold hands running against skin, squeezing and pressing each limb for a reaction. Small noises filled the empty space, Whumper ever so vocal in her reactions to her body.

“Have you been eating your meals properly?” She asked. Whumpee simply nodded, eyes fixed down to Whumper’s hands wrapped around her wrists. “You’re looking too thin. I’ll increase your portions.” The silence that fell elicited another squeeze, deliberate and firmer than before.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Whumpee replied hurriedly, the words almost wheezed out. “I’m … so grateful for your attention.” Her wrists were released thankfully, with Whumper already taking more interest in exploring her abdomen and upper chest. It was going to be a very, very long day.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing Update 9.6.2023

I should have done this yesterday, but the three-day weekend threw me off and at no point did yesterday feel like Tuesday. Today is Tuesday (observed). It really doesn't matter, I did not write anything yesterday.

The last few weeks have been a little scatterbrained, but I think I am done with that. I got an Academy story brainworm and I wanted to write it out while I still had the idea, even though it wasn't really what I wanted to work on. It wasn't going great, though, so I've put it aside. It's fine, I may or may not get back to it someday.

I got through The Birthdays-- please checkout the cool Zabimaru block print I did for Renji's birthday and the fanfic I wrote for Renji and Orihime together, if you missed them.

That's all out of the way, and I'm just going to call it a fresh start, and get back to trying to make some progress on Ductwork. Anyway, for my own records, the current State of Things is: Main Ductwork doc: 19,522 (some of it is junk) Misc Ductwork doc (flashbacks, mostly): 2633

It was about 7700 words back in the spring, and I told myself that I wanted to get at least 20,000 words of progress (there was no time limit on this, just "before I was allowed to work on a different big project"), so the current progress is 14,455, which means 5545 to go. I have a lot to do this week, but I really do want to see if I get can back into the Longform Fanfic Brain mode. 5545 words is very doable--I've done that in a week before (not that i've had a 6k week in ages but...it's actually a pretty reasonable two weeks of work), and I would love to get significantly more than that done. (I mean, I'd love to get the whole thing done, but that feels like a thing that is going to end in disappointment). Anyway! That's what's going on! Askbox is closed again! Wish me luck!

[silverstreams]

any tips on being able to sit down and just write? i can't sit still long enough to get any proper progress and was wondering if you can give a few tips with it :(

Hi Anon! Writing, like any skill, is something that requires discipline and practice. Much like how you can't go run a marathon without proper training, you can't realistically expect yourself to be able to sit down and write for three hours straight. Heck, even on my most focused days I max out at two hours. After that my brain just runs out of writing juice.

Anyway, for me the hard part hasn't been the writing itself but the sitting down part. For this, I'd recommend looking at the conditions that have worked for you in the past, and then do your best to replicate them. Have you only been able to write in a library when you're supposed to work on other stuff? Then go to the library and work on writing (for an example). It's really a thing where you have to work with yourself rather than against yourself. There's not going to be one right solution, and it's probably going to take a lot of trial and error to figure out what works and what doesn't work for you.

For instance, I'll talk about what works for me--and this again is just what works for me personally!

I deal with chronic pain, so by the end of the work day, I am often in far too much pain to be able to sit down at my laptop and work on writing. All I can really do is lay down and try to rest and wait for the pain to ease up a little. So ok. I learned that evenings aren't good for me. So, I write in the mornings instead. This has required me learning how to go to bed a little earlier and get up a little earlier, but I've adjusted!

Another thing that I noticed about myself is that my brain gets a lot more scatterbrained and anxious the moment that I pick up my phone. So, I do my best to not use my phone in the mornings. It's very difficult and I have trouble with it, but I know that once the chaos of the day takes hold, there isn't any going back from that, for me. So I try to leave my phone to charge in another room overnight. This is difficult and I don't succeed as much as I'd like, but I never regret it when I do. (I also get more sleep with it out of my room!)

Okay this is getting long, but I'll just say to try to make it as easy as possible for yourself. The easier something is to do, the more likely you are to do it. Just in general. So if a phone is a big distraction for you, you might have to keep it on silent in your pocket or set it in another room for a little bit. Or you  might have to put your computer into airplane mode if you find yourself wandering.

But if you find yourself wandering, that's another thing to pay attention to as well. If it's not working, it's not working, and it's best to just call it quits for that moment and try again later, rather than being distracted and then getting mad at yourself for not getting anything done. TBH I think building up the ability to sit down with the intent to work on writing is more helpful in the long run. Because that's the difficult part for me. Making that decision and opening up those documents.

An additional thing that I noticed about myself was that I have this anxiety about writing, where I have that feeling of "I want to write today" but without having a concrete time to do it or without having done it, I stay anxious until it's done. So that's another reason why I like to do it first thing. Helps me remove that anxiety. Then if I work on writing any later in the day, then it's just a nice bonus!

Anyway. Those are some factors for me that have majorly influenced my writing habit.

Oh! And one more thing. Mental illness is a huge factor for me. Now that my depression is in remission, I find sitting down to write about 900% easier to do. It's incredible really. So if you find yourself struggling no matter what you try, it may not be that you're doing something wrong or not trying hard enough, which is what I thought about myself for years. Turns out that that was just depression. So, even if you don't have a known mental illness, take care of yourself. Try to make sure that you've slept enough, eaten enough, had enough water, tried an exercise or stretching, done anything you can to help your brain get enough juice to a) do stuff and b) be creative. It matters more than I wish it mattered.

Hope that helps a little! Wish you the best.

[bluedalahorse]

Hi! I’m still alive! Yesterday and today were really the days of studycation where I’m still having fun but I’m starting to miss home and my bed and friends.

Here are some scatterbrained updates about writing school:

I got my advisor for this semester! She and I are going to have a lot of fun together, I think. She is committed to helping me develop a neurodivergent-friendly writing process.

I… actually managed to outline the first draft of my critical thesis? Yay! I’m not going to go into all the depth here but please let me know if you want to hear about how to use a restorative conversation framework for exploring interpersonal conflicts in YA books, and how that translates into writing craft elements. I think I will be using Darius the Great is Not Okay as one of my mentor texts as well as a few others.

I am probably going to try writing a picture book again this semester, if only so I can practice writing a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. I might focus a little on Washington DC history.

My generative workshop this time around is very witchy in a good way. We are basically channeling our characters and figure out their voices and how to tell their stories. I mean. That’s not quite what we’re doing but does kinda feel like what we’re doing.

What’s been going on in my absence? Any new developments in The Fandom(TM)?

I’m having so much fun but also my brain is overloaded. Maybe I’ll post some pictures of plush Sara exploring our little mountain cabin later.

[emperornero]

combining the two ask games ive been tagged in recently so everything is in one place 👍👍 anyone who sees this can do it and tag me as the one who made you do it idk thank you for tagging me ^_^

1 - tagged by @evecc

are you named after anyone? - i assume this question is more of a ‘are you named after your grandparent or some famous person’ but im in this weird place where YES all of my names come from other “people” but its not in the traditional way lol . ive been using axel as a first name for about 5 years now and it comes from my old original character. yes im named after an oc. nero is obvious. theo is more of a joke than something i would consider going by irl but its from a video game character

what was the last time you cried? - today yayy

do you have kids? - no and i never want to be a parent if i have the choice

do you use sarcasm a lot? - no and i dont understand it and i often struggle with obvious jokes both through text and irl. my brain is fucked and even if something has been stated before to be a joke i usually dont remember it

what sports do you play/have played? - i used to swim before hitting puberty. now im not comfortable with anything and once again my mental issues dont make it as fun as it could be

whats the first thing you notice about people? - if its a physical trait its probably clothing. i will look at the colors and try to remember what someone is wearing to remember them better

eye color? - dark brown

scary ending or happy ending? - depends on the media but happy is nice :]

any special talents? - i dont think i have any .

where were you born? - small random city in poland

what are your hobbies? - digital art and ancient rome are my main . i also like learning about pokemon [the competitive scene and its changes more specifically]. other than that i always enjoyed studying biology

do you have pets? - a kitty named kefir and a dog named toro. the latter is unfortunately very old and is having health issues caused by that. ive been preparing for his death for the last weeks but i think im more calm about it now. hes doing ok but i know it will happen soon..

how tall are you? - 6 feet / 180+ cm. i slouch a lot due to my chest so its not always visible.

favourite subject in school? - biology and latin

dream job? - i used to really want to be a dentist but honestly i dont know. mental problems impact my view of the future a lot and im not sure what im even capable of doing anymore

2 - @theromaboo

relationship status - taken :]

favourite color - all shades of purple and tyrian purple

song stuck in head - pizza tower ost unexpectancy part 3

last song ive listened to - scatterbrain by radiohead

three favourite foods - mcdonalds nuggets . salmon. garlic bread

last thing i googled - its literally all just polish to english translations for words i dont remember lol

dream trip - ancient roman sites in italy again but this time i actually have some time to see stuff instead of being in a group aaghfg

anything i want right now - freedom ?

[therivergirl]

I love my grandma but sometimes, she really can be stuck in the before.

So, I got my period today. Now, I had a morning shift and, scatterbrained as I was, I almost forgot my pads (not ahuge problem, I keep a pack at work just in case).

Still, I grabbed a few and, with them still in hand, rushed out of the apartment.

"Oh, put those away, don't tell me you'll let the patients see you like that! Don't let them know!"

Like what, exactly, grandma?

Am I naked?

Am I in full BDSM get-up?

Am I completely wasted?

I have a pad in my hand. Literally one pad!

What, will my patients melt if they see me carry one?

Will they all get heart attacks when they realize that the intern of their doctor's, clearly a woman in her mid-20s has "those days in a month?"

I'm giving their endurance a bit more credit, thank you very much!

In honesty, though, this idea that AFAB people should hide that they have periods can go die in a fire. It's SO damaging.

Generally, being all hush-hush about reproductive health is damaging.

Like, one time I asked a patient something about her vulva (I had a reason to) and she was genuinely surprised I didn't say "Down there".

Yeah, I'm a doctor, same way I won't use the term "Up there" when referring to the brain, or "your chest insides" when talking about the heart, I won't dance around the word "vulva" (Ok, if the patient is very uncomfortable, I will, for their sake, but that's another issue.)

What world do we live in when people are surprised when DOCTORS use medical fucking terms???

I had another patient ask me if it's "appropriate" if she asks me about her "down there"!

WTF do you mean if it's appropriate, I'm a doctor? Ok, I'm not YOUR doctor, I'm her intern, but same difference. How much shame is in our culture when people think that their goddamn health is not an appropriate topic to bring up with their bloody doctors of all people???

So yeah, my dear grandma, I will NOT hide my pads from my adult-ass patients.

Because the embarrassment about pads leads down to the way that ends up with an adult patient thinking her reproductive health issues are inappropriate topic to discuss with her doctor.

Because this circle of shame and whispers has to be broken.

For everyone's sake.