#my brain goes all over the place
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I just realized that we've never actually seen Spike and Buffy hug. We've seen them kiss, we've seen them have sex. But never a hug. The closest was when they cuddled in 7x21.
Idk why that struck me so hard. I think it's just that there's something so loving and intimate about a hug. It indicates a fondness for the person you're hugging. I mean not always, sometimes people hug without feeling, but most of the time. Buffy hugged Riley and Angel. But never Spike. Not even when he got his soul back. There's something rather...sad about that to me. I'm not sure if "sad" is a good enough word. Maybe heartbreaking. So much love grew between them. I forever hate that Spike's response to Buffy's "I love you" was to say: "No, you don't. But thanks for saying it." Because I absolutely think she did. I guess I can see him reacting that way out of self-hatred, but it still bothers me. Maybe they thought it would be too cheesy for him to say it back, but I don't think so. He expressed his emotions for her in actions, and sometimes words, but when he was ensouled, he never once told her that he loved her(unless I'm forgetting something, which is possible but I doubt it given how many times I've watched that season). There could be many reasons for that. Perhaps his ensouled self couldn't bear to have her reject his love. Or he didn't want to subject her to his feelings. Or he felt like he didn't deserve her love, so there was no point in expressing his. Maybe he simply didn't want to make things awkward. Possibly it was a combination of some or all of those. I could be missing an option(feel free to weigh in).
Regardless of the reason, an ensouled Spike never told Buffy he loved her. So I think it would have been meaningful for him to say it back. And I'm sure James Marsters had the chops to manage to say it in a way entirely differently from the way soulless Spike said it. I think he could add an air of vulnerability to the words. A softness.
It just feels like a missed opportunity to me. I get why they(probably) didn't want to do it, but I think it could have worked.
ETA: Spike actually did tell Buffy he loved her in 7x21. Though he said it within the context of a speech telling her how amazing she is, without an expectation of her saying that she loved him back. It was a simple statement, like saying the sky is blue. It felt totally different from the way he said it in seasons 5-6. Which was exactly what I spent this whole post saying I wanted lol.
I still would have preferred him to say that he loved her back.
#man that started as a simple post about them never hugging#it expanded lol#this is what I get for going 36 hours without sleep#my brain goes all over the place#Apologies#buffy the vampire slayer#buffy summers#spike btvs#spike#william the bloody#spuffy#spuffy meta#btvs meta#my meta#btvs
146 notes
·
View notes
Text
i yet again do NOT understand why people think that what happened to steven in future came out of nowhere. the main show beats it into the ground how fucked up all this stuff has him! just cause he ends the main show in a good place doesnt mean that everything was solved! he solved the gem stuff but not himself, that was the whole point!
like. those people show that they didnt even pay attention to the show AND they dont understand trauma. like. shut the fuck up !!!!
#my post#su#liveblogging#how do you fucking miss the whole EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MAIN SHOW#no child or teenager should go through that!! no one should tbf but especially them#like ok fine. other shows do this stuff all the time and theres no consequences. but su was never the show to do that lol#i know im bringing up discourse from years ago but the thing is is that people STILL hold these opinions!#like. bro athena p on youtube has THE MOST JANK su opinions. she doesnt like pearl or future ? hello?#like ok whatever you dont have to like something but then she starts going into *why* and its like. bro stop talking no#yet again its just like people that say that cassandras betrayal came out of nowhere. NO IT DIDNT FUCK OFF#im so mad dude its so easy to understand this stuff for me#also trauma can absolutely wait to manifest or show its ugly head#he showed concerning behaviors in the main show but. aughhhh whateverrr whatever whatever whatever#its also that he was finally in a good calm place in future and when youre in a calm place your trauma brain goes THIS ISNT RIGHT#it gets so used to the stressful situations you were in that itll still think things are wrong even when nothing is#because it cant risk bringing its guard down in case stuff happens all over again#or some shit like that. fuck#and steven? babey hes been in stressful situations for a long time#ew why does this post have notes lol i thought itd get like 5 notes. im not opening the notes thing lmaoo fuck that
69 notes
·
View notes
Text
What is Rayman? Well, he's a thingamajig. Next question.
(I got attached to my Betilla design)
#rayman#betilla#rayman murfy#this goes into my headcanons a bit#i like the idea that not only was rayman the first limbless creature#but that his limbless-ness was a mistake#this does mean retconning a lot of character designs from rayman 1 but that's kind of what the series did post-origins anyway#every other thingamajig after him was dreamed up by polokus at some point maybe?#'cause once rayman existed he sort of became the jumping-off point for more dreams of thingamajigs#this series' continuity is so all-over-the-place literally anything goes#i hope my non-rayman followers are prepared for more because it ain't stopping#my brain has had such a firm grasp on this series for over a month now#and i don't understand why#but i'm having fun with it and that's all that matters
472 notes
·
View notes
Text









CHAPTER 22 SPOILERS FOR THE NEON VOID‼️‼️
Haha wdym no I didn’t read the chapter almost one month after it came out wdym that’s crazy haha
ANYWAYS NEON VOID BRAINROT ANYONE?? As usual a magnificent read what can I say @sugarpasteltmnt is SO SO talented after I read this chapter I stared off into space for like a solid minute before laughing hysterically like Leo because MY GOD the adrenaline rush is so real. What compliment can I say that hasn’t been said about this fic. It gives me such goosebumps and the action sequences are just. Muah. Breathtaking. I cannot wait to read the next chapter and keep up the good work!! /lh /all pos
(Clicks for Palestine!!!)
#my art#PLEASE TAKE UR TIME W THE NEXT CHAPTER#idw you to get burned out or anything#ur heath is the most important!#sorry this isn’t a full fledged drawing#I just read the newest chapter and completely blanked out#suddenly it’s 2am and the excited jitters in my brain finally calmed down#ur writing is like eating sour candy with a sweet aftertaste#SO GOOD#also is it weird that I have headcanons about ur fic??#hope it isn’t#but I like to imagine when Leo gets spastic his Krang eye goes haywire and shoots all over the place#same goes for his krang parts like it squirms and wriggles underneath the skin#Or when Leo is bored the sharp end of his tail will poke the ground rhythmically#HOPE YOU LIKE THE ART#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rotten#save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#The Neon Void#The Neon Void TMNT#TNV TMNT
365 notes
·
View notes
Text








dump
#nintama#kukuchi heisuke#takeya hachizaemon#ohama kanemon#saitou takamaru#ayabe kihachirou#hyogo suigun#onigumomaru#sry its all over the place my brain goes rdi -> 5th yrs -> suigun repeat#3 months in ninswamp already JEEZ...
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
While i work I've been listening to an LP of the Telltale Walking Dead Games (the ones with clementine, I do not care about the others lmao). Ages ago when I played these I was well aware/amused that part of season 2 takes place in Parker's Crossroads/Parker's Run because I grew up right next to it and the detail stood out to me. But I never caught the line of "We'll head to parker's run. It's just up the road from here" until just right now. So I had a sort of "wait, where the fuck are they supposed to be right now?" (search)
ARE YOU SHITTING ME LMAO So by process of elimination, since it's the only city with anything even remotely resembling a large home supply store, that would mean they're in my literal hometown. My tiny hometown in the middle of nowhere that's never in anything that barely anyone knows of. How in the fuck lmao
#shut up pu#random stuff#I guess Howe's would be our Co-Op#I moved away forever ago but my brain often still returns to that tiny town. the biggest city in henderson county. lmaoo#Did they just randomly pick a place on the map for the location... parker's crossroads/run surprised me but it's at least more of a thing#i'm upset with myself for never picking up on that before#sorry telltale but we never had a comic book store you have to go all the way over to the next county for that#also your geography's wrong it's east tennessee that has mountains#west tennessee is all hills#i'm being nitpicky but it's out of amusement#of all the places to end up in a zamboni apocalypse#my poor girl clem lucky she made it out at all#lmao I strongly dislike this series all BUT these games with clementine#and I love her so much#goes to show what a good likable character can do#anyway I'm upset that you don't get to go raid the dairyqueen in season 2#maybe this is an odd thing to post about but I literally come from a#“the nearest starbucks is 40 minutes away” level of tiny nowhere town#and playing this game when it first came out only to realize this detail about a decade later made me spit my drink out
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
Moriohpsycho sex is just competing to see who can moan their monologue louder
#I’m sorry#my brain is an awful place#just imagining Kira starts his monologue and Bateman goes ‘outta my WAY gayboy this is MY MOMENT’ and starts monologuing#the rest of the sex is just them trying to yell out their monologues over eachother all while still fucking like rabid animals#kira cums first and Patrick says ‘I win bitch’#yoshikage kira#kira yoshikage#patrick bateman#moriohpsycho au#moriohpsycho#american psycho#tw sex talk#sex stuff
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
wash tormenting the reds in the most petty ways possible because he's still pissed off about them hitting him with a car and then blowing him up in s8 is so important to me you don't even understand
#I'm pretty sure I've said it on my old blog before but wash is the blues older brother but to the reds? he's the neighborhood bully lmao#that scene in s13 where wash gets all the chorus soldiers to turn on grif for refusing to attend the training sessions? 100% an act of#calculated cruelty on wash's part lmao#oh oh or in s11 when wash hooked up blue base to the ships power but not the reds? also calculated lol#wash stealing all of their stuff in s10 will also always be a fav petty wash moment of mine#he is out to make them suffer and they're not even aware of it lol#rvb#agent washington#mine#if i ever write my ct lives au fic I'm going so hard on petty grudge holding wash#he is an absolute menace but he's so lowkey about it that in universe trying to convince ppl that wash is as petty as he is#is nearly impossible#the only ppl aware of wash's true nature are the counselor the director ct alpha and probably maine (and maybe florida)#everyone else sees him in a similar light as his fanon characterization#that's part of the reason why i think lina was so shock in s10 when he turned his gun on her bc to her wash was always so subordinate that#she just genuinely never saw it coming#anyway wash/ct/maine friendship is so important to me. i like to include south in there too sometimes but honestly south comes off as a#loner type. like she doesn't mind ppl but no one except north is really willing to tolerate her uh....personality for long periods of time#shes very....reactive and emotionally charged#but tbh id be that way too if i was stuck with north#north unironically reminds me of my dad but not in the good way lol#god my tags are all over the place#audhd brain goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
instead of just cross eyes and star eyes distinguishing dynasties in khaenri'ah, why do some khaenri'ahns cover one eye specifically? there’s many things that seem interconnected regarding the lore:
crimson moon turning around to look like an eye; irmin the one-eyed king; the unknown god’s cubes containing eyes in their design (same ones present in the cataclysm as well as the crimson moon), her glitching looking like arlecchino’s, and the four pointed star pattern that appeared when she showed up to the twins; forbidden knowledge and nibelung’s influence; fischl's auge der verurteilung aka eye of condemnation (crimson eye) and her skin's description "o holiest of sovereigns, high princess of immernachtreich (kingdom of evernight)!".
kaeya's note about the alberich saying "i saved this one memento from the fire 'father' made while he wasn’t paying attention. this was in violation of our principles. our clan's affairs should never be recorded" and "though we could not restore khaenri'ah to life, we of the alberich clan should lead lives as those who blaze like fire, rather than those who wallow in the embers [small piece of burning or glowing coal or wood in a dying fire]", father being in quotation marks and references to fire and ashes; the orphanage in khaenri'ah that wanted to house children from destroyed worlds and non-threats that leaked into the kingdom, in hopes of finding beings from beyond the sky who could transcend the gods; perinheri's first memory being transversing something like a chimney, filled with ash and being asked if he wasn't dead just for him to see the eye (crimson moon) and being told he was reborn; dust and the blood of of dragons (or dragon-like beings like durin and elynas) being connected to rhinedottir and the art of khemia; fire as rebirth and life but also, the balemoon blood specifically being connected to loss of memories and loss of memory being equivalent to death (not physical); despite the orphanage never being able to find that transcendal person, it had many unusual individuals who became knights of the kingdom.
irmin as the first divine halberd (that once pierced the axis mundi [cosmic/world axis, world pillar, center of the world, world tree, etc.] and connected the nine worlds), the prinzessin der verurteilungas (fischl) as the last one; fischl and kaeya comparing themselves to one another and their parallels to irmin and odin; der ring des nibelungen, in which the dwarf (or nibelung) alberich creates a ring capable of controlling the world, using gold he stole from the rhinemaidens (or rheintöchter "rhine-daughters"). the conflict that arises over the ownership of this ring eventually leads to the destruction of the gods and their home, valhalla.
irminsul (irmin + sul) meaning great pillar and being a reference to the yggdrasil, the tree that supports the universe; the description of the item silver twig – collected in the center of the world - talking about a sage that hanged himself upside down in the irminsul tree to gain knowledge of the runes and the cosmos, then going into a secret kingdom down its roots [also a reference to hanged man in tarot that symbolizes wisdom, divination, sacrifice, prophecy, etc.]; odin who hung himself upside down from the sacred world tree, yggdrasil, for nine days and nights sacrificing his eye and throwing himself on his spear (gungir) as a ritual sacrifice in order to obtain secret wisdom; memories, fire and crimson moon hand in hand with the irminsul, king irmin and the concept of fate; the fake sky, the stars and being able to see fate but also fate being a means of the heavenly principles to control the world (neuvillette calling it puppet strings); khaenri'ah, a supposed godless nation but the crimson moon dynasty revering the moon (and hilichurls worshiping istaroth); the crimson moon having an eye on humanity and always being present associated with punishment and destruction (fall of gurabad, remuria and the catclysm).
crimson moon's semblance (arlecchino’s weapon) implying the crimson moon sought vengeance (“few survived the utter destruction of their kind, hiding in the shadows where the sun did not shine, longing for the crimson moon to decree their desire for vengeance be repaid”); the design of the weapon and arlecchino’s boss attacks resembling the double helix present in deathly statuette material dropped by abyss heralds, abyss lectors and shadowy husks, which has a single red eye. it apparently whispers "see, my child. all that lies under the throne of heaven shall be destroyed by upheaval. the eternal peace of the pitch-dark void shall embrace us all.” as you gaze at it.
the abyss order being founded by chlothar alberich and pierro being the first harbinger; the "sinner" – the crystal in chains from the chasm, protected by an abyss herald - not being a god but still worshipped by the abyss order. the voice stating to chlothar and the traveler’s twin that he "[knows their] fate well" and urged them to become a "transcendent one" saying he would "shed a tear at the end of time... as i gaze back upon your life". he also imbued chlothar with the power of the abyss, which alleviated his worsening conditions. the “sinner” refered to chlothar as “dear creature”; dainsleif, pierro and kaeya being examples of khaenriahns who hide their right eye; dainsleif being called “bough keeper”, bough is a branch of a tree, but also his constellation being a snake ring like ouroboros – representing the eternal renewal cycle of life, death and rebirth; the loom of fate being an operation of the abyss order first encountered during "a herald without adherents" quest.
“the threads of your fate lie in my hands” a quote by fischl connecting to the weaves of fate; fischl stating that if she does not obtain the divine halberd “...this world and everything in it is going to burn in hellfire” (legend of the shattered halberd vol. ii). some other excerpts of the book also include: “but unbeknownst to him, this was the greatest cursed sword of all, that had once burned the entire world to cinders: laevatain [in norse mythology, a weapon crafted by loki and the only capable of defeating the cockerel viðofnir, inhabiting the top of yggdrasil], the sword had extinguished after the world was burned, but... it burned bright once more. ‘the whole world... destroyed again...’ weiyang [fischl] fell unconscious as she spoke” (vol. iv), and, "the world is beyond repair. it shall be born anew from the ashes of the last” (vol. vi); dainsleif saying “none will escape the flames. see for yourself” but also neuvillette’s character story including “the puppet strings glossed as "divine rules" would one day be burned away by the fires of judgment” when talking about constellations; burning away the old world, project stuzha by the fatui and the image of dottore burning the irminsul; nahida saying fontaine's prophecy was engraved in the irminsul, implying the tree also contains the history of the future; sibylla, a prophetess who guarded the irminsul in an ancient city located in what later became the high seas (referred to as abyssal depths). she sacrificed her life for the sake of creating phobos, remus' grand symphony, but her lack of a will ultimately caused the project to fail, as her vague desire to "grant happiness to all in the world who are called humans" caused phobos to attempt to satisfy everyone's desires — including destructive and selfish ones — and set remuria towards the course of its self-destruction (possibly tying concepts of will and fate together); thinking of dottore's plan, it would make sense to burn the tree that holds memories with a fire able to erase them (arlecchino's balemoon powers) so that the world can be born anew breaking away from the shackles of fate.
there’s also the improvisation kaeya does during the play in his hangouts. "do you believe in fate? if fate decreed your life was to end in tragedy, what would you do?". he then throws a prop and we interact, choosing if we would face our fate bravely or challenge it and rise above it. kaeya then goes on saying "then so must it be! yes, so must it be! i shall discard this intaglio and rid myself of the shackles of fate", "fate means to send the machinations of war to every corner of the land to fan the flames of conflict till they ungulf the entire world… fate would see my sword tainted with the blood of innocents, that the bright banner of my homeland might fly in every nation known to mankind. but i shall not bow to the will of fate i am no pawn in heaven’s plan. i, qubad, will spend the rest of my days in a foreign land, 'till i breathe my last in a place far from home" and finishes the play with "but i must walk this path, or freedom dies by my hand. goodbye, my tribe and kin. farewell, sweet land of my birth". the prop we get from kaeya, the intaglio, symbolizes the noble origins of prince qubad in the play and the blood-red jewel (blood, red... funny, uh?) is said to be a crystallization of the question kaeya asked us about destiny. furthermore, an intaglio can be a type of engraved gem or metal signet ring.
#random post with thoughts and connections because my brain is all over the place and my brains is about to explode gsdfasjg#but yeah idk something about fischl's eye of condemation an eye that can see all threads of fate and all truth. considering the parallels i#don't think it's crazy that it could be the reason they all hide their right eye. the red eye in the statuette dropped by abyss heralds is#also the right one. also the alberich's not being noble family... idk. this game loves implying kaeya is a prince lol but i'm also keen on#the art of khemia the orphanage and the whole thing with rebirth!!! i forgot to talk about alchemy maybe another day.#guess it kind of depends what being noble blooded also means because arlecchino's noble blood gives her some pretty unique powers#(also forgot to say arlecchino's afterimages are like sinshades in enkanomiya which are ley line anomalies!!! remnants thoughts leaving#shades of the past. nether realms. it could also connect to istaroth but anyways irminsul again!!!)#the ring of nibelung also seems important and kaeya's prop from the hangouts despite not being a ring directly can very much symbolise one#there's also the khaneri'ah ruin machines power source!!! i forgot but whatever this goes deeeeeep#i'm tired so i'll end here with the yapping bye#genshin thoughts#< just to save it somewhere because i will forget points i want to research better some other time
38 notes
·
View notes
Note
any recovery tip for someone's who's deep in the "I need to starve myself" trenches? thanks <3
i have so many things i could offer up as advice but if im being honest, the heart of it all comes back to something that feels pretty infuriating to hear. unfortunately, it’s not easy, but it is simple.
you have to eat.
you have to hear your body telling you it’s hungry, whatever that looks like for you (craving something, feeling it in your stomach, shakiness, whatever it is), and feed yourself. you have to feed yourself. even when your body doesn’t know how to communicate to you that you’re hungry. you have to prove your brain wrong over and over. you have to show yourself that you don’t need to be afraid. you have to show up and nourish your body and take care of it with consistency. food has to come first, above all. frankly, there isn’t any time for nuance about that while you are mid-starvation. you have to eat.
it’s painful and it hurts and it’s terrifying, but you have to do it. it may even be the most scary challenging thing you ever have to do. but ultimately, being anxious and hurt and terrified is survivable. your eating disorder should you continue to choose it, isn’t.
#obviously getting help w this is so important for safety too if you’re at risk of refeeding syndrome#but at the root of it you have to want to save yourself#whether or not you have help#i could say so much about recovery but at its basics this is all it is#gotta get enough reps in that your brain goes ‘wait it’s not so bad’ lol#i do have additional mandatory advice if your ed is body image related and that is also simple:#get the fuck over your fatphobia !!!#sounds harsh but it’s real and it helps you and everyone you interact with#no fear of becoming/being fat = no more behaviors that are born from fear of fatness#easier said than done of course but like#getting over that fear is a huge part of what saved me!!!#i still struggle w some behaviors now and then but they aren’t body image related anymore !!#anyway if ur still reading this know i say all of this w sooooo much love in my heart and compassion for u in the place ur in#but it’s what i wish i would’ve been told at the height of my illness#personal#asks#recovery
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
i know there's a little bit of info on him currently included in my roster but ! i wanted to cobble together a more detailed rundown of my courier (the sixth one) + his verses. he is a bit of an unreliable narrator, so i'm leaving gaps in this - thing is he doesn't know what's up, so neither shall we.
(that said, if anyone has ncr muses who could maybe piece some things together, hit me up. he can't keep getting away with this).
rough bio under the cut. trigger warnings for death, violence, drug use, the military, addiction + memory issues.
name & aliases: sasha dubrovhsky / boris medvedev / courier six. tag skills: unarmed, survival, guns. (note: given his backstory, he's proficient in these, and in stealth). age: late twenties / early thirties during the events of fallout new vegas. moving into his late thirties if in the tv show era. sexuality: bisexual. you know, for the extra damage. alignment: chaotic something. personality types: estp. enneagram 8. physical appearance: 6'3", buzzcut, brown eyes, cheekbones, numerous tattoos. imagine a large russian man who has clearly broken his nose more than once. he is russian jewish & roma ft. general slavic aura. always clean shaven if he can help it, but stubble happens to him frequently. if in the verse in which he's courier six, he will have two scars on his forehead courtesy of benny. notable features: speaking to six, one may get the sense that english isn't his first language. he doesn't really have much of a russian accent, but his cadence (especially when he is particularly tired), as well as his word choices can sometimes give him away.
he is also autistic, and may have adhd. both are undiagnosed. the latter may have something to do with six's mentat habit.
his face is rarely shown - he tends to wear full combat armour, helmet included.
the man who eventually becomes courier six is born in ncr territory to a family who are descended from vault 13, if a tad distantly (nobody in the family can track the exact lineage, nor have they tried).
six is born alexander dubrovhsky. his branch of the family are loyal to the ncr in some ways, though their primary ideology is born not of the ncr, but of memories of their heritage. sasha receives more of an education than he feels he needs, but he is a curious soul and enjoys picking apart the way of things. devours books when he can get them. is in trouble more than once in his childhood for taking things apart to see what makes them tick.
he is not yet of age when he enlists. he's tall and broad enough to pass for it, and nobody in ncr recruitment looks too deeply into the issue. even before taking two bullets to the forehead, he is an improviser - there's no real plan tied to his enlistment. he makes it through basic easily enough - can remember that fine. can remember being passed up for first recon so as not to waste his hand to hand abilities - he is, in a word, large. can remember being filtered into the rangers instead. can remember later leaving his dog tags on a corpse about his size. tossing the tags that had originally been on the corpse in question into the colorado river.
the why of it is unclear. but he remembers the bloodless panic, and in hindsight is certain he had something to do with that death. can't say for certain whether or not this is unlike him, but the potential will keep him watching himself out of the corner of his eye, waiting for some similar slip up.
he knows he picked his new name out of the past. boris was the name of some relative, he thinks. perhaps a distant cousin, perhaps not. medvedev, on the other hand, is born of the bear tattoo adorning his ribs. (two-headed, stick and poke, slightly weathered, scar cutting through it).
recalls a time, too, when he burns his armour and weighs his options. he knows how to kill things, and is the sort of person with at least a chance at surviving the wasteland. so far so good, anyway. he passes a town with a mojave express office, and volunteers himself for a job. from that point on, he is a courier.
post gunshots to the head, he'll wonder if the memory issues are new. thinks they must be. things improve with time, but some things, he thinks, will never come back to him.
he remembers just enough to feel like helping the ncr is the most deranged thing he's ever done. he does it anyway. that said, six saunters vaguely in the direction of socialism whenever possible.
he identifies a chem habit, but can't be sure he had it before he was shot. can remember snippets of things he used to know, and understands that a great deal of the information is barred now. one hobby of his is gathering it again.
choices in game:
these will be updated in time (i'm going to play again to refresh my memory on him), but he can either pick the independent or ncr route depending. if we're writing post game, his default is independent, though that was a difficult decision for him and he still feels two ways about it. he isn't a blind ncr loyalist by any stretch, and is aware that there are some in the ncr who'd string him up if they knew he'd deserted, but he is not immune to propaganda.
alternate depictions:
i have written him before as an ncr ranger spy who is only moonlighting as a courier, never properly deserted (because the desertion catalyst wasn't there; he made it through the battle of hoover dam in 2077 just fine in this verse), and didn't end up shot in the head in goodsprings. in that verse, he can be recruited as a companion - for anyone who's into that.
this version of him isn't as fleshed out right now (read: i don't remember most of the development i did when i was writing him this way) but i'll update this later, and i'm happy to plot things out on a character by character basis. he is generally motivated to fight the legion, and will in time become somewhat disillusioned with the ncr.
#SIX. BIOGRAPHY.#SIX. ABOUT.#i used to write him in little groups with friends so his backstory kind of shifts all over the place but. here he is!#maybe subject to minor edits later but if there are larger retcons i'll make fresh posts detailing them once they're underway#death /#violence /#drug use /#military /#memory loss /#if there's anything i missed tagging lmk#his speech skill is like. mid. lmfao.#depends what drugs he's on if ygwim#me writing this like IS THIS CORRECT?#i've had him in my brain for so long and i feel like this bio. does not hit all the little headcanons and things.#but of course it doesn't.#and i'll certainly add more as time goes by#no but the joke i like to play on him is.#i think he maybe was a ranger for a little bit (considering he lied about his age when joining the ncr and got there#a little younger than he should have)#but he's walking around like. thinking he's just impersonating a ranger at times. which he IS. but he also maybe sort of isn't. MAYBE.#it's mildly unclear.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
smile for the camera (and keep your fingers crossed) Chapter 2: Interrogations, Interviews, and Impromptu Not-A-Dates
So instead of the food trucks, he’d bought a sandwich and a soda from the convenience store (and maybe a magazine too, shut up, he needs the physical proof that yes, he had in fact kissed Klavier Gavin). He’d also bought a pair of nondescript sunglasses and a baseball hat, in the hopes that he’d have a good enough disguise to head back to the office without being recognized. What Apollo Justice had failed to account for, however, was the fact that unlike in the movies, paparazzi aren’t stupid.
Well. Whoops! Didn't mean to take so long to post this chapter, but...here we are, more than a whole year later. Hopefully the chapter's interesting enough to make up for it?
In all seriousness, thank you so much to everyone who's read, commented, and reminded me that there are people out there waiting for the continuation of the story. Somehow I thought I'd already posted the start of this chapter?? Maybe I just thought about doing it so much that I thought it had happened already.
But anyway...I'm going to make sure the gap between this chapter and the next is significantly shorter--you guys deserve to not have to wait for annual fic updates, lmao
As ever, huge thanks to @cubedmango for providing some incredible spot art! And for understanding the "oops, what do you mean i didn't post that?" moment I went through like two weeks ago.
#lucy's thoughts#my writing#klapollo#klavier gavin#apollo justice#klapollo fanfic#ace attorney#ace attorney fanfic#me: yeah the part i left off on was right after the ramen date right?#me actually checking the fic: WAIT FUCK#thanks for the patience though#it's been a busy year and my brain has been all over the place#i think ive mentioned before but i always intend to finish all my wip fics#even the ones i never finished from when i was 12 years old on ff.net lmao#should i give up on those ones? yes! but something in my mind just goes 'what if?'#next on the agenda: the jukebox musical fic's final chapter#and writing the next half of the next chapter of this fic#and so on so forth#ANYWAY hi people who read all the tags#how soon is too soon to reread a book after you finish it#for example: if a book youve been waiting almost a year for just came out today and you read all of it already#should you wait until tomorrow to reread it?#should you reread the whole series again?#these are my questions i guess#ANYWAY ENJOY THE FIC
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
posts one writing thing me suddenly: exhausted.
#⸻ ❛ 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐨𝐰 » ooc.#// to anyone that sees my writing tonight: i am tired and my brain literally goes all over the place when tired wooooooo#// but angst ... angst good food it is#// i'll be here dial up brain noises#// wanna write more wanna go the fuck to sleep wanna know what my brain is gonna let me do successfully#// anyways hi dash im a fucking disaster tonight LMFAO
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
🦋
#ive been in kind of a depressive low point for. a sec now lmao.#it swung down after the months of Bad Mania in response to the meds balancing out i think idk.#either way ive been in a weird state of disassociative depression for a couple months now#but i can feel it swinging back as the month goes on&we get closer&closer to autumn lmao.#right about now for a couple different reasons is when my Internal Balance starts to shift yearly in response to the anxiety#that i wasted all the sunshine. 🫠🫠🫠#idk. its putting me in that weird spot where my depressive episode isn't exactly Over yet#but i can already feel that buzzing in my bones going on lmao.#its also bringing up weird thoughts i guess as my brain scrambles for actual reasons to be so anxious#&just like when i wake up in pain that always bleeds over into reasons to be Angry not Anxious bc Angry is easier lmao.#like hypocrisy has been a topic of discussion in my life recently bc of everything back home&if i let my head spiral for too long#ill end up back at the point where my shithead ex told me for 3yrs that i was a hypocrite w double standards#w his primary example being that he Let Me talk to other guys but i didnt Let Him talk to other women#w the one sole example being how after i moved my entire life across an ocean to an entirely foreign place where i had no support but him#i was made extremely uncomfortable when i found out he'd been talking to his ex during the entire process.#so my attitude toward that translated into i guess a weird boundary that i never actually set bc he enjoyed to call me a hypocrite lmao.#its just weird having my thoughts slide from discussions about hypocritical actions involving Lahaina&its handling by the fake state#over to old thoughts about how i just let someone call me a hypocrite to my face for years bc he wanted to w no actual reason lmao.#&this sort of All Over The Board weirdness is really only something that happens in these strange Inbetween times for me.#... pls for the love of everything holy let this fucking be over soon lmao i solve these problems Poorly bc these time periods#wreck my impulse control lmao.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this
#speculation nation#daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard#im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles#and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response#im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day#but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned#and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to#constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed#if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think#get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding#i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic#but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/
5 notes
·
View notes