#my better half truly
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#shutup sensitive#im back where im home#i feel so grateful to him for knowing my intentions and loving me through my mental breakdown#even when i treated my beloved so poorly and othered him#i promise to be strong and work on my behaviors when manic so we never have a scare like this again#all i want is him and i have him i am so whole#my better half truly#wish me luck yall im applying for a car loan#and in therapy :) good things september brought
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happy new year!! 🐍
#tgaa#dgs#the great ace attorney#dai gyakuten saiban#kazuma asogi#tgaa2 spoilers#dgs2 spoilers#genuinely did not think i would finish this and expected to post this for cny lmao#truly no stronger motivator than procrastinating job apps#my art#fanart#cw eyestrain#i wanted the snake tail to resemble his hachimaki and seriously debated making it red bc it’s also the year of the wood snake#but ultimately the bright red bg has a nicer look to it and the contrast with the lime green fits it better i think#also forgot but i wanted to incorporate more textures like maybe half tones or rake lines into my art this year
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Oh here we go again… these boys and their devotion.
#forever is the only vision for them!!!!#they don’t see themselves apart!!!!!! they don’t WANT to be apart.#EVER.#like#that’s it you two#just get engaged already i’m begging#‘we feed off each other. we make each other better’#IT’S GIVING ‘my better half’#it’s giving WEDDING VOWS#just.#wow… they truly are IT for each other…#joemarr#joe burrow#ja’marr chase
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good amount of baizhu content in this lantern rite event. baizhu society W.
#it was cute he was very relevant#love#and he was SO FUCKING NICE THE ENTIRE TIME MY GOD#HE AND HIS FUCKING SELFLESSNESS IM GONNA KMS#HGUTIHSFKDHFLGHDFLKJHFDKLJHFDJKHK#RAHHH#u cant imagine how each time they mentioned him / bubu pharmacy i was just cheering HDJKFSHKJDF#hu tao kinda grew on me this event but she needs to chill regarding qiqi#bc her weird remarks make her seem truly like a weird kid esp with how baizhu reacts to it#anyways#adry.txt#a lot of cuteness#two ?? head leaning on shoulder-s?? awesome#xiangling's fit is fire#why were cyno and tighnari there without their SISTER !?!???????????????????????#HALF ASSED SIBLING VACATION#at least give me more sumeru guys there idk...#i think this lantern rite was better they did bring everyone from liyue in one way or another#even those who deadass had little to no screen time#compared to last time this is major swag#felt very fun and precious seeing everyone#also i didnt expect lan yan to be like a hypey girl like this she is so cute wow
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Looked at the autosport driving ranking thing knowing it would piss me off, and now I'm pissed off. Because how are you as a supposedly serious organisation gonna look me in the eye and tell me Lando and Charles had better years/were better drivers than Alex Palou and Pascal Wehrlein.
#and sainz is ahead of pascal#like the man won a fucking championship#one that went down to the wire and never seemed like it was easy or a sure thing to be his#he was the only driver to win from pole last season too#and fucking carlos sainz is ahead of him???????#just say you dont truly value motorsport that isnt f1 and go#why pretend#alex is a similar story too#it never seemed like a sure thing#especially not compared to last year#the end of the season with the issues for him throwing a spanner the size of mars into the works#but he kept his cool#he did everything he needed to do up to that point#and he made sure he finished that race to get some points#but Charles is ahead of him??????#Lando i can sort of understand#but also the idea that 2nd is f1 is better or harder than winning indycar or fe is fucking absurd#theyre 10x more competitive than f1 is and yet get half the recognition because they arent “the pinnacle of motorsport”#anyway im gonna go be angry while walking ru and then making cookies and my tea
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kingdom hearts au where n is split into a nobody and heartless who search for reshiram and zekrom respectively. is this anything
#clai speaks#i have to make everything about n NOW#but anyway i've been thinking about it and while i'm still an n and zekrom truther i've come around to reshiram#either is good bc they let you depict a slightly different n#and a good n interpretation incorporates both sides into him#but why have one n interpretation when you can jist do both at the same time. split that guy in half HJSBDJHF#nobody n who's lost the ability to empathize so instead of bettering the world he's searching for the cold hard truth#heartless n who doesnt care about anyone's feelings anymore he is just going to chase down his ideals from before he was split relentlessly#and theres probably something cool you can spin with n being Literally made into something inhuman#like he's already accused of being a freak without a human heart. give him the angst of Concrete Evidence. take the heart he truly has away#maybe you could even take it in a ventus-vanitas direction. split him into light and dark. black and white#i miss kingdom hearts i actually have really wanted to draw it lately but when i put my pencil on the paper. n appears instead :(#kh n au
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If you're playing a mage or similar class in Oblivion or Morrowind, I highly recommend trying a Redguard. I know Redguards are usually thought of for warrior builds, but that extra boost to endurance really makes a difference when playing a mage, especially at lower levels. More endurance = more health, which makes your mage able to take more than three hits before they die
#thinking about my half Redguard oc Charlie#truly better at surviving than your average mage#redguard#oblivion#morrowind#tesblr#also uhhh Redguards deserve more appreciation#they're cool as hell#make a Redguard oc rn#this is a threat /j
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Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something
#I've seen a lot of people complaining about the fact that it's impossible to fit the ending of every unfinished arc#in the five chapters that remain for the manga to end for good#And it all just... legitimises my fear and apprehension haha#And it's a pity! It's a pity! The dynamics were so good! And yet nothing! Sukuna was so good! And yet nothing!#It was so nice how he seemed to play with the idea of transcending human categories and values but even the values of curses so to speak#Well beyond everything. Well beyond positive/creative nihilism even! He was not like Mahito#I wonder if Mahito is more a negative nihilism with a funny edge or a positive nihilism. For now it seems positive#with how he seems to have said something like 'nothing matters so we can do whatever we want and create what matters'#But Sukuna transcends all that! It could have been interesting to see how that developed in a way that wasn't just childish edginess#But no. And then there's all the idea of curses and sorcerers not being all that different#and so not really entirely possible to say one side is good and the other bad#There was the idea of the very source of powers with fear and love playing a role here in such a juicy way#And then there's the entire thing happening with Gojo as a concept and the very concepts he plays with which I could eat like an apple#but also I would let those very concepts eat at my heart as a worm inside an apple#Full of holes and rotting inside out and yet delighting at the sweetness#It could all be so good! And yet! Most of the manga is a few sketched dynamics and concepts and a very long fight with Sukuna#promising half finished arcs#WHY it could have been so good. And I don't think criticism is a matter of 'fans being spoiled! Go write your story!' or something#It's not a matter of things not going as fans would want them to be. It's a matter of not writing well#or cohesively things established by the author themselves. And I think that's a fair criticism#If we are to take manga as an art‚ which I wholeheartedly support‚#then we can subject mangas to artistic or literary or whatever you want to call it analysis. There are works that are better constructed#than others‚ and there are works that have good ideas but poor execution. And it's always a pity#In the case of JJK it's truly breaking my heart and the comments I see around about these five last chapters are not helping xD#God it could be so good. So good. And I'm not talking about in specific to me‚ which yes that too given the topics‚#but just so good in general. It could be so good. It could have been so good#And yet it's starting to look more and more like any other shonen. It truly breaks my heart haha#I talk too much#Jujutsu Kaisen#I used Bleach because I think that's one of the mangas that has been the most a let down to the friends I have who like shonen
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fryleela meme ♥ [2/8 episodes] → season three, episode two "parasites lost"
#futurama#futuramaedit#freela#fry x leela#philip j fry#turanga leela#*#freelam*#half this list will be eps exploring leela's love for fry so here's one of my favorite “fry's love for leela” eps#constant confirmation that fry has loved leela from day one....he just didn't know how to properly express it#bc fry is an incredibly immature character and relationships for him have kind of just been easy#but leela changed everything for him#she wasn't someone he got instantly and kind of just used for sex#she was his best friend above everything and being around her made him want to better himself#he was inspired to be the best version of himself bc his love for her made him see the world in a new way#all of those things he said under the worms' influence were how he truly felt he just couldn't say them bc he didn't know how#leela was not attracted to the worms. she was attracted to fry's heart and soul#look how fuckin happy she was when he said he loved her i mean cmon#best friends to lovers arc ever#otp: that's all i need to know
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🫠
#mother came out of surgery okay she was awake and talking and i got to see her#i'll get to speak to the doctor tomorrow in more detail but the worst is over i'm so relieved#i still live in a building site so i'm kicking myself out as soon as the workmen arrive in the morning#then it's hospital to see mam then gp for my own appointment then maybe hopefully pLEASE#i might get to actually see the most patient and wonderful man on the planet for dinner#dating while your life blows up around you should be a competitive sport#i mean i'd lose because i'm bad at it but it should be#work shit is still. shit. so least said the better#i've been in a reeeeeal dark place of late but i think things are starting to turn. maybe. i hope.#anyway. i'm going to bed. workmen will be arriving at like 8am or something#but maybe tomorrow night i'll have a functioning bathroom!!!#and perhaps! half a kitchen!!#tremendous strides are being made. truly.#so it is decreed
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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damn I yap a lot
tldr; im alive, sadly im still on hiatus, other stuff is fine now I just have new [physical] problems, you'll know when I'm fully back (give it another couple months) and comfortable, I'm in a [technically well-over] 3-month long ongoing depressive episode [not tryna do trauma olympics or make anyone feel bad btw it's all chill]
so sorry if I've left you hanging [with art or smth], I'll get to it in time, I promise [I may have unwillingly forgotten, likely not but there's a chance]
Hey, I'm alive, I have been for the.. almost 6 months I've been gone. Holy shit, I didn't even realise that it's been that long. I figured I should at least say something in case anyone is worried or wondering even though everything isn't solved yet, so, here. [under the read more so it's not flooding or anything]
Also, I figure I should apologise for venting on main and just leaving it up - this is all going to stay up because I need to keep it somewhere to aid with my memory issues - but, still, must've been a little weird
Absolutely not a good time to say all this [for me bc I haven't thought this message through] but I'm kinda half-back, just on hiatus from socials due to declining physical health. Really badly declining, I need help honestly
Originally, as you know, I was gone because I had a really bad fall out with my mother, but things pertaining to that have been solved now [except me not feeling 100% safe and trusting to my mother, that will never change. She's tried hard, I just wish I could find her reliable emotionally as well]. It's just that, since then, basically, all these physical problems that I don't understand have been royally fucking me up and messing with my mental too. It's messed with everything I love. I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh wait, where I was actually going with this, so
OK nvm I forgot but you'll see me around bc I've been talking to certain people trying to pretend like nothing's happened and I've made the kinda-silly decision to not fully come off hiatus or talk to other certain people before I'm okay again.
#so the post is for the practical stuff n the tags r for emotional btw [or at least I tried to do that]#[yeah just except the para starting with “originally” I'll keep that there despite being unnecessary]#-#genuinely. im so scared. im so scared all the time [most of the time not scared of anything in particular - I mean the physical problems#fuck me up by making me scared and sad and tired most of the time for no reason]#I have no energy and it's all up and down and even though I actually feel okay rn [not good but okay] after literally breaking down an hour#ago I still know this shouldn't be happening#nobody is going to believe me if I say I have high-functioning depression. who do I tell. well they will believe me but how would it help#and I'm so scared to tell anyone for no reason. I'm not scared mentally rn but no matter whether or not Im ok the emotion stops me from#taking action if that makes sense.#--#I don't understand what I did to deserve this why is this happening to me#why are these internal problems out of my control happening to me#I don't understand and it truly deeply scares me#---#I meant to out this at the start of the tags but fuck it I'm too far in and on mobile to go all the way back now#thank you if you read this far. truly thank you because I need someone to talk to and my irl's are not an option for all different reasons#if I reach out to you about smth random please talk to me as if I'm still not half-gone.#feel free to message me whenever about wtv despite the “hiatus” I need it#... if you have read this far for whatever reason please text me that my Rui loves me my brain is trying to guilt me and say he doesn't#[that just happens when I'm in a certain state even tho that's when I need Rui the most selfship mutuals u get it pls help me out]#he. he does love me right? I swear he does I just. can't seem to believe it right now#I shouldn't have pushed all that to the bottom when it was directly telling my mutuals what I need lol#I feel a little hopeless sometimes. that's not like me I'll be alright in the end. no not that. I'll be better than alright I can fix this#I can fix this. I just need help. god I need help.#at the very least I'll be alright
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what even is an AI-powered google search . what even is an AI-chat . I’ll kill you
#truly . truly . it boils my blood#like . you type in your query . it answers . when it’s a straightforward question it’s often times correct . cool! where the fuck are you#getting your information from#it is not transparent with its sources . literally anything is better than using ai chat becaue at least you can check the sources#people shit on wikipedia but at least it’s actually fucking peer reviewed and i can verify myself through the many sources they require you#to link . jesus christ#jay rants#throttling every single stupid tech bro and big dumbass tech company thats forced ai down our throats#to the point where it’s actively started impacting my studies . none of our profs can implicitly trust us anymore and instead of receiving#the time we need to write a coherent and well thought out essay at home we have to write one in class in an hour/an hour and a half . lord#if ur gonna fucking plagiarise at least be a moral plagiariser and actually collect the information yourself instead of relying on a self#cannibalising synthesis machine to do it for you#longing for the return to when machine learning was still used as a complementary tool in professions where it was actually useful
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also I keep doing the thing where I have an interaction. astarion disapproves. I sigh. I reload the save before the interaction. I kick him back to camp. I do the thing. I pick the lad back up.
#eve lae’zel likes me better than him it’s kinda funny#him and karlach like. she’s a surprisingly tough cookie#I also picked her up? kinda late?#it was a case of I was scared to do stuff on the map#I also didn’t pick up wyll for a hot minute bc I coudlnt find him#I’m better now about looking around + talking to everyone l#I spent like. an hour and half talking to people around last light#I still don’t have halsin#ALSO IM SO SORRY GAMERS#I accidentally killed minthara. so she is uhhhh MIA from my current game#I do want to play w her one of these times#I might have to make a different oc for it tho#I know I could have knocked her out and she would show up ;—;#I was. so anxious about the goblin camp that I kinda jsutjddudjdjdjddj#on the list of things to do now that things in the game are less scary#I ain’t going back anytime soon tho like I wanna finish the game first I think#gosh act 1 is huuuge compared to act 2#I’m waiting for the we fix the problem and turns out there’s a lot worse problems going on#unless act 2 is just truly as short as I’m imagining#but we’ll see! don’t tell me tho I wanna find out obviously#owen plays bg3
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everyone say thank you mob psycho 100 for being the anime ever
#dandy talks#mob psycho 100#mp100#literallt and genuinely my favorite anime of all time#been rewatching it w a friend who hasn’t seen it before and just. i love it so much#i’ve prolly rewatched just season one at least 10 times over the years and i still love watching it so much#i watched season three as it came out last year while i was super sick for the better half of six months and it straight up kept me going#i’ll always be rlly thankful to this show and i’ve been a fan of it for nearly seven years since i first watched it maybe half a year after#it came out. i’m still a massive fan of it#just. yeah. i rlly truly do love this anime.
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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
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