#my bad for lack of responses everyone school sucks

[askthenewritoelder]

@asktheritobowyer, I respect your choice to confront Master Revali about his behaviour towards Link. I won’t deny the fact that he has areas where he can improve. Everyone does. You shared your opinions truthfully without any malice, and I can tell you want to see Master Revali better himself moving forward.

However, I don’t think it’s fair to view Link as the sole saviour of Rito Village. Both Master Revali and Link were defeated by the Calamity years before we were alive. Link was revived without his volition and was left with a heavy burden as you mentioned, but Master Revali didn’t have any chance to redeem himself until recently. Link had time to adapt to our world for much longer and managed to build connections across all of Hyrule over the past few years. It’s only natural for Master Revali to feel isolated, even from his own people.

Master Revali’s bravado is just a mask to hide his vulnerabilities and guilt. He’s harder on himself than anyone else. I’ve witnessed Master Revali’s lowest moments before and you’re right; him and Link are much more alike than others may realize. Both of them have a tendency to act without any regard to their own well being in different ways. People probably find it strange that I’m more patient with Master Revali than expected, but it’s only because they haven’t seen him in such a self-destructing state.

Master Revali may have not earned your respect, but he’s certainly earned mine; before and after he returned to the living world. Master Revali will always be the Pride of Rito Village in my eyes. Even if he argues with me, or insults me, or drinks through all my alcohol containers, I know deep inside he’s remorseful of his actions and yearns for a place to belong. I’m proud to have him as a part of my family, flaws and all.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have two sons I need to find on Medoh. Don’t try to stop me.

[lisired]

DREAM BOYS: slut me out

pairing: shy!jisung x (f) reader

genre/warnings: smut, unprotected sex (before you tap it make sure you wrap it), oral (m) receiving, switch!jisung, switch!reader (at least i think so… i wanna say there’s not really strong dom/sub dynamics here)

summary: The Dream Boys are notorious for banging everything on campus with a pulse and breaking hearts, but every time you see Jisung, you can’t help but think he’s nothing like them; he can barely even look into your eyes.

word count: 5.3k

a/n: i wrote this on a whim lol. as always, feedback is appreciated!

If I was a bad bitch,

I’d wanna fuck me too

There was something about Park Jisung that confused you to no end. 

For one, you wondered how a boy could be so awkward. You weren’t even this bad at your peak of social ineptitude, but he somehow seemed to always be shy and blushing. 

The most baffling thing about him, however, wasn’t just his timid personality and lack of confidence around the opposite sex. It was his ability to get along so well with people who were the complete opposite of him. 

Everybody at your school knew him and his friends collectively as the Dream Boys and they were notorious on campus for allegedly fucking every girl they set their sights on. You had no way of knowing how true that was, but based on nothing but vibes alone, most of them you didn’t doubt one bit. 

Mark, the sweet boy who posted bible quotes on his story every morning. Jeno, the intelligent one who obviously didn’t buy his way into college. Jaemin, the campus heartthrob everyone wanted to bring home to Mama. And Haechan, the party boy who was never not hungover. 

But Jisung was something different entirely. You had no idea why he hung out with them at all. Your interactions with him had been limited thus far, but he stammered out every sentence he spoke and could hardly maintain eye contact. 

There was no way in hell he was a whore. 

The school library had unfortunately become your second home over the past few weeks and you were lounging at a table with your friends when Ryujin whispered, “Looks like the Dream Boys are throwing another Halloween party this year. I hope there’s no more cum punch rumors. I almost threw up because of that shit.”

Yuna winced. Those rumors had positively ruined the drinking last year for everybody. “Dream Boys? More like fuckboys.”

You snickered. You didn’t have a clue where the name came from, but you couldn’t resist quipping, “And what did you think they dreamed about?”

“Pussy,” she answered without hesitation.

You laughed again. The boys were handsome, you would give them that, but they also gave the impression that they were carrying sexually transmitted infections yet to be unearthed by health authorities. 

Ryujin seemed like she was reading from her phone, probably gathering more information about the aforementioned party, and soon enough she chirped, “No worries, guys. Haechan just posted that there will not be any cum punch, but everyone should watch their drink.”

“I won’t be attending,” you replied with total disinterest. “Have fun potentially drinking some random dude’s kids.”

Ryujin groaned, but she had been expecting that response. It was no secret you had something against those boys because of their fuckboy reputation and while she didn’t blame you for that, she didn’t see it as an excuse to skip out on harmless fun. “You’re so boring.”

You shrugged, indifferent. “If boring means spending my free time watching Shemar Moore chase bad guys in two different universes, both of which he’s incredibly sexy in, instead of risking my tongue falling off, then I’ll be that.”

“You both are disgusting,” Yuna said in disapproval. “You want to fuck someone’s bald dad and Ryujin wants to fuck Haechan.”

Ryujin gawked. “That’s a lie!”

Yuna wasn’t convinced. “Admit it. The only reason you want to go to this party after last year’s fiasco is because you know Haechan will be there and you want to suck his dick until the foreskin dries up like a raisin.”

You made a face. The graphic description was putting unholy pictures in your mind that you would rather not see. “Yeah, I’m gonna go. You girls got that,” you told them as you rose from the table, tossing your bag over your shoulder. “I will see you guys when I emerge from my Netflix binging.”

Meanwhile, Jisung was by himself in the break room of the local cafe he worked at trying desperately to think of something that would undo the boner in his pants before his co-workers saw him and teased him to hell and back. It wasn’t even because of a pretty customer this time. He was just daydreaming. 

Was it a smart thing to do while he was at work? No, maybe not. But he couldn’t help it. His mind had been filled with perverted thoughts lately. It was the second week of October and Jisung was attempting to get all of the sexual frustration out of his system before the start of No Nut November.

He had been the first one to lose last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. This year, he needed a turnaround. 

When his boner wouldn’t go down as soon as he’d hoped, Jisung ultimately decided to go wank it in the bathroom as quietly as possible and got back to work. And to his luck, you were standing right there at the counter waiting for someone to take your order. 

Jisung swallowed when he saw you. He had always found you gorgeous and seeing you after orgasming made his brain short-circuit. With a little plan to increase his body count another digit, he went up to the counter and put on his shyest performance. “Hello. What can I get for you today?”

Your brows furrowed. He didn’t sound as bashful as he looked. That said, he sounded like he was donning his customer service voice, and everybody knew that the person you were at work didn’t reflect your true self. “Hi, can I get the Jasmine green tea, please?”

Jisung kept his eyes trained to the screen the entire time, even though he wanted nothing more than to look at you. “Sure thing. Would you like any add-ons?”

“Tapioca pearls. Extra, please.”

God, the way you kept saying, “Please,” was driving him crazy. He knew you were simply being polite, which was more than he could say about some customers he got, but it was making him picture other situations where he could have you begging for him. 

“Will that be everything?” Jisung asked as if his thoughts hadn’t wandered somewhere dangerous.

You nodded your head, taking out your card. “That’s it.”

While you were temporarily distracted by having to pay, Jisung took the opportunity to get a better look at you. His eyes flitted to your lips that were coated in a clear gloss which made them look plumper. It was all he could do not to think about how perfect they would look wrapped around his cock.

“I heard you and your friends are throwing a party tonight,” you mentioned, waiting for your order to be processed. Not that you gave a damn. You just wanted something to talk about. 

Jisung was pleased you didn’t seem to notice his less than clean thoughts, but when you mentioned the party, he stifled a groan. “Yeah, I can’t go. I have a closing shift.”

“Damn, that must suck,” you replied, watching the hint of annoyance spread across his face. “When do you guys close, by the way? I was thinking about getting some work done.”

“We close at nine,” Jisung told you matter-of-factly. “Don’t you usually work in the library?”

You lifted a brow, smiling softly. “Are you keeping tabs?”

Jisung glanced away. Make no mistake, he wasn’t stalking you or anything, but he did happen to see you in the library whenever he popped inside. You were there more often than not. “I see you around every now and then.”

You hummed. “To answer your question, I do usually work in the library, but my friends are being insufferable today and I knew I wasn’t gonna get any work done around them, so I hopped ship.”

Jisung nodded his head in understanding. “Yeah, I get it. My friends are pretty annoying at times too.”

You had an obvious disdain for boys in his group, but for some reason, you were always so nice to him. It was almost as if you had some kind of soft spot. Jisung wondered if he could manipulate that kindness. He figured you must have assumed he wasn’t as bad as the men he surrounded himself with, which couldn’t have been more wrong, but you didn’t need to know that. 

There was no opportunity for you to give him a response, because his co-worker placed your drink in front of you, saying, “Here you go, one Jasmine green tea, extra tapioca pearls.”

You thanked them and glanced back at Jisung, telling him, “I’m gonna go find a seat,” and walked away. 

Jisung was disappointed, but it was better than you leaving. And in truth, it wasn’t so bad, because it gave him a little more time to think of a way of getting you to go home with him. He didn’t want to lose for the fourth year in a row since he started college, and you were a beautiful girl that thought highly of him for whatever reason. 

You were still lingering in the cafe a few hours later and it was that time of night where Jisung had to start excessively wiping counters to appear busy, because he didn’t expect many more customers. 

But you were the only customer in sight and he was the only employee at this hour, so he approached your table and inhaled a deep breath. “Hey, do you mind if I ask you something?”

You glanced up at him, wanting to giggle at how nervous he seemed for whatever reason, but resisting. “Sure.”

Jisung started fidgeting with the rings on his long fingers, which drew your attention to his hands, specifically how big they were. “Can I sit down?”

You wordlessly nodded over at the seat in front of you. 

With one more small glance in the direction of the door, which didn’t appear to be welcoming more customers any time soon, Jisung slid into the booth. You both sat there in silence until he finally willed himself to speak. “So, I was wondering… can I ask you a favor?”

You were tempted to respond with, I wasn’t aware I owed you any. But you were very curious to know where this was going, so you decided to let him get straight to the point. “Depends. What’s the favor?”

“Promise not to tell anyone?” he asked. 

“Sure, I’ll promise,” you replied, nodding. “As long as you’re not about to ask me to hide a body.”

That threw Jisung off guard and he quickly shook his head. “What? No, of course not. Look, uh, I need a favor from you, but it’s something kinda…”

Pushing down the top of your laptop, you held your face in your hands and gave Jisung your undivided attention. You were beginning to suspect that it was a favor of a sexual nature. 

When you looked at him like that, Jisung glanced away. “It’s kinda embarrassing to say, but I was wondering… if I could come to your house.”

Now that was definitely a surprise. “My house?”

Jisung nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Yeah, that’s what I was wondering. I’m sorry, I know it’s weird. I just…”

Your brows furrowed. Jisung had been to your apartment before. Once. Twice, if you counted him having to come back because he forgot his notebook. Either way, you weren’t necessarily friends and it only happened because of an assignment, the fact that the library had been completely packed, and your apartment was nearby. 

“Why?”

“Well… I wanted to know if you could help me with something.”

“You’re so vague,” you teased. “What do you need?”

Jisung exhaled a breath and decided he was just going to come out and say what he meant. “Listen, this is gonna be kinda weird, and if you say no I completely understand and will leave you alone for the rest of my life. But me and my friends are preparing for No Nut November and…”

“And you want to get all of the horny juice out of your system so you don’t nut on the first day like a loser,” you finished for him. It wasn’t that hard to guess, all things considered. “You know it doesn’t work like that, right?”

“It does,” he insisted. He said nothing else, waiting for you to either agree to blessing his cock tonight or let him suffer, and hoping you chose the former. 

You had already made your mind up, but you pretended to be uncertain, shrugging your shoulders. “Why me?”

Much to your surprise, Jisung didn’t skip a beat. “You’re the only girl I didn’t think would judge me.”

And that was exactly how he won you over, because you hurriedly began packing up your things to go home and get a shower before Jisung could get there. Maybe shave too. You didn’t go bald, but a little trim had never hurt anybody. 

Almost the very second his shift ended, Jisung was in his car growing increasingly more frustrated at every encountered red light as he drove as fast as he possibly could without going over the speed limit. 

When he rang the doorbell, you almost immediately answered the door, wearing nothing but a shirt that looked far too big for someone of your stature. “What took you so long?” you asked, widening the door so he could enter. 

“Lots of traffic tonight,” Jisung replied, waltzing inside your house as if his heart wasn’t thumping in his chest at the idea of getting fucked. 

You closed the door and led him to the bedroom. The soft, feminine smell of your body wash clung to you and the scent was already driving him crazy with lust. 

Jisung glanced around your bedroom, happy to be back here again. The last time he was inside your bedroom, he’d seen your panties spilling out of their drawer and it had taken everything in him to focus on the assignment at hand. 

His eyes fell to your delicious legs which were smooth and shiny. No doubt you had just gotten out of the shower. You got ready for him, which had to count for something. You had consented to fucking him, after all, so your interest in him couldn’t have been any more blatant. 

You plopped on your bed, noticing the way he was drinking in the sight of you. “Don’t just stand there,” you said, stifling a giggle. 

Jisung swallowed the unignorable lump in his throat. “What do you want me to do?”

You hummed, pretending to think about it. “Come here.”

He took tentative steps towards your bed. It was adorably pink and fluffy, and he almost felt bad for knowing it was going to be ruined by the time he returned home. Then, he started thinking about what else was pink, and from that point on his mind began reeling with lewd thoughts. 

You had to pull Jisung onto the bed, shoving him onto his back. The gasp he made was cut off by your lips smashing against his as you kissed him like your life depended on it, gently tugging on his black hair. You didn’t want to hurt him, but at the same time, that was exactly what you wanted. 

It pleasantly surprised you that Jisung was a decent kisser. You could tell he had some kind of experience, which was fair since he was a grown man with very obvious needs, and your panties were pooling with arousal when his hands drifted to your waist as you straddled him, pulling you flush against his rapidly hardening cock. 

As if he wasn’t already struggling to breathe enough, you broke the kiss and began trailing your lips faintly over his jaw. Then his neck. Then his collarbone. He figured you would go down again to his chest, but you went back to his throat and started sucking and nibbling at the flesh. 

“Fuck,” Jisung panted, already worked up and you had barely done anything together so far. He was sure you could feel how hard he was, given that he was pressed right against you, but you went about kissing him as if you had no clue. 

His reactions did make you giggle smugly though, quite proud of yourself. The marks you were leaving at the base of his neck were going to be there for days. Maybe weeks. The room felt hotter now that you were making such a mess of him. He brought his hands up from your perfect waist to your under your shirt, his fingers ghosting over your breasts. 

It was your turn to gasp out. The soft sounds you made did wonders to turn him on. He cupped your chest in his big palms and let his thumb work over the stiffened nipple. All the while, you were beginning to grind against his bulge as your lips wandered here and there, drawing a guttural groan from Jisung’s throat. 

“Oh my god,” he said, stilling your hips with his strong hands. Something your body liked more than you cared to admit.

You met his eyes. They were filled with lust and desire and impatience. “Are you okay?”

Jisung nodded his head, glancing at your body. He was hoping you would get out of that shirt sooner than later. He wanted to see you. “It’s just…,” he trailed, his voice faint. “I’ve never done this before.”

You didn’t gawk. You didn’t laugh. There was no amusement nor was there any surprise. “That’s okay. We can take things slow, if you want.”

“I’d rather not. I like things fast,” Jisung insisted. 

You laughed. “Well, that can be arranged too. Have you ever had a blowjob?”

The thought of you sucking his cock alone nearly made a cold shudder wreck through Jisung’s body. “Once,” he said, trying to keep his composure. “It was a long time ago.”

“Now, we can’t have that,” you replied, crawling off of him to bring your attention to the very prominent bulge in his pants. You could tell he was big and that thought had you salivating. 

Jisung undid his pants hurriedly and tossed them to the ground like they meant nothing, giving you plenty enough time to ruffle through your drawer for something to tie your hair back with. 

With your hair out of the way, you patiently sat on your knees as he got just naked enough that you would be able to suck him off. Maybe deep down you had always wanted to. Jisung was exactly the type of guy you were into - the ones that looked away when a pretty girl complimented them and had a beautiful, shy smile. 

It didn’t surprise you that his cock was just as veiny as his hands were, but it did make your mouth run dry. 

“Sweet Jesus,” you mumbled underneath your breath, knowing that you were in for a treat. 

Jisung resisted a smirk. He knew he had a brag-worthy cock that was enough to make any woman lose her everlasting mind, whether she was going down on him or he was going inside her. You were no exception. Matter of fact, all it took was one look before you got a hold of his cock and spat on his pretty tip. 

He swore quietly, watching you attentively. There wasn’t even a need to get him hard because he had already stiffened from the way you were kissing him and grinding against his dick, so you got straight to work. 

You skipped the slow parts - the teasing bits with your tongue at the tip and base of his cock, and immediately went to the action. Jisung said he liked things fast and so that was exactly what you would give him. And he was going to take it like he’d asked.

“Shit. Shit. Fuck,” he cursed, clutching the sheets. You weren’t wasting any time and he almost couldn’t believe it. 

You hadn’t even waited before taking as much of him into your mouth as you could and that made Jisung’s head spin like he was about to explode. And in a way, that wasn’t necessarily untrue. He already knew this was going to be one of his shorter experiences, but definitely one of his better orgasms. 

Jisung groaned loudly. It was a shock, because he was one of the quietest boys you’d ever met, so it wasn’t too hard for you to guess that he was currently enjoying himself. The sound of his euphoric noises were making you horny and you could feel your panties getting even wetter. 

You wanted to fuck him so bad. It was killing you right now. He was just so perfect; so handsome and cute and easy to provoke. You wanted to draw the most sexy, uncontrollable reactions from him and watch what it did to his little male brain. 

Jisung could tell how much you wanted him and it only aroused him more. You were so fucking eager. You were going to town, sucking him off like you were in love with him, like you were worshiping him, and it got him off to an inexplicable extent. He couldn’t even begin to describe how your mouth felt sealed around him like you wanted to suck him completely dry. 

You ran your hands up his stomach, up his thighs. He was sensitive in more places than one, your touches making his breath hitch in his throat. 

“I’m gonna come,” he warned, knowing he wasn’t going to last much longer. Not with all the stunts you were pulling.

Damn, already, you thought to yourself, wanting to chuckle. Not that you were actually even remotely surprised. You knew what you were doing; you were ruining him and taking a little piece of him to serve as a reminder of your victory. 

You didn’t slow down. If anything, you went even faster, your head bobbing up and down his shaft like you wanted to eat him for every meal of every goddamn day. Jisung winced his eyes clothed and accepted his fate, knowing he was merely seconds away from the heat in his stomach unfurling. 

With the last piece of his self-control officially waning now that you were sucking his dick like you had something to prove, Jisung involuntarily began thrusting into your mouth, messily fucking your throat with every intention of getting himself off. You let him. At the moment, you were just pleased you’d driven him mad. 

And that you knew for sure, because the buildup of ecstasy at short last began to overflow and Jisung couldn’t take it anymore. He gave one final long, deep moan as he released down your throat and clasped your sheets for purchase, convulsing with the effort. 

Jisung was shaking. When his eyes finally opened, all he saw was you swallowing his load even though he hadn’t asked you to, and it made him burn from the inside out. 

You grinned when he withdrew from your mouth and glanced up to meet his eyes, watching him struggle to find words. “You good?” you asked, shifting on your knees. 

Jisung nodded, but that word didn’t even begin to capture the feeling he had inside right now. That was a revolutionary nut. “I… yeah. I’m good.”

Getting up from your knees, you ignored the faint ache in them and asked, “Do you wanna fuck now?”

“God, yes,” Jisung replied in a heartbeat, stroking himself back rigid. It would happen in no time. 

When he was hard, he gathered you in his arms and tossed you unceremoniously onto the bed, a gasp escaping your mouth as your back met the mattress. Jisung ordered you to raise your hips, which you did on command, and he slipped your panties from underneath you to throw them wherever his pants were. Still unsatisfied, he tugged at your shirt too until you were completely naked.

The sight of you made him hold his breath. Your smooth skin and supple breasts and kissable tummy. He slipped a hand between your legs, wondering if he should return the favor before he fucked you, but he was surprised by how wet you had gotten from giving him pleasure. 

“You really are something else,” he mumbled, running his arousal-slicked fingers over his throbbing dick. 

You laughed, debating what to do with your legs, and ultimately deciding on draping them over his broad shoulders. Jisung groaned, having imagined one too many times how your cunt would feel as he pushed in and out of it silkily, and concluding that there was no point in drawing things out, he slipped between your slick folds. 

He growled in pleasure immediately, because both the way your pussy welcomed him in with ease and the way it invitingly throbbed around him was making him unravel. It was completely insane. The power you had over him right now was lethal and he couldn’t believe how wet and snug you were just for him. 

“Oh, god,” you moaned out, because suddenly your legs on him weren’t enough and you detangled them from his shoulders to wrap around his slim waist instead so that it would be easier to lock your arms around him as well. 

It took a long moment for Jisung to will himself to open his eyes, because they had been winced closed since the moment he felt you tightening around him. He looked you in the eyes. “Is this okay?” he asked softly. 

You nodded your head. His cock was long and thick and veiny and everything in between. You were in a world between heaven and earth, elevating to the gods and struggling to stay grounded. “It’s perfect, baby. Fuck me just like that.”

Jisung felt dizzy. He knew he had been right in choosing you. It wasn’t every girl that could leave him on the cusp of insanity with both her throat and her pussy, and he was still reeling from the head you’d given him. His whole body was scalding with lust and passion as he reaped pleasure from your body with every labored thrust. 

You couldn’t get enough how he felt stroking against your walls and it showed in the way you were kneading and gushing around his cock. The tension in the air was exhilarating, throttling. You grappled his forearms to keep him close, not wanting to be separated when he was fucking you this good. 

“Can you say my name?” Jisung asked, his voice thick with desire. 

“Jisung,” you called out softly, rolling your hips to meet his thrusts in a perfect sync. You simply couldn’t help yourself. This would be your undoing. 

Jisung swore underneath his breath, unable to control the way his stammering hips reacted to the hint of breathlessness in your voice, and smoothed his palms over your beautiful, bare body. He ran his fingers over your cheek, your neck, your chest and your thighs. 

He knew he needed to make you come if he cared about not absolutely humiliating himself, because he was going to unravel in a matter of minutes. With that thought, he stuck his hand between your legs and thumbed your clit, asking, “How does that feel?”

You cried out his name again, shuddering with sensitivity. Your heart was hammering in your chest and pounding in your ears and the throbbing between your legs was brutal. If he was trying to finish you, it was working. You couldn’t even bring yourself to answer. 

Jisung took that as a sign that you liked it and he continued rubbing the sensitive nub, all the while giving you those long, deep strokes you seemed to be enjoying. You couldn’t breathe through the ecstasy. The way he was stretching you out and bringing you high made you feel as if you could choke. 

You trembled beneath him, torn between taking his cock and arching away from the pleasure. “Oh my god. Fuck. I’m gonna come,” you said, feeling the sweat clinging to your skin. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he was lying about being a virgin. 

That drew a grunt out of Jisung in anticipation. He didn’t stop touching your clit, didn’t stop stroking your sweet spot. “You gonna come for me?”

You nodded your head vigorously. The rhythm of his thrusts and the relentlessness of his hand between your legs was going to make you see stars. Of that you were certain. Your mouth hung open, gasping for breath, struggling to breathe in the stuffy air. 

Then it finally rammed into you like a freight train and you let out a mangled cry of Jisung’s name as you reached your peak. It was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. You begged for mercy, overcome. Undone. Your face tensed and you throbbed around his cock over and over, your entire body unstill. 

When you tried to squirm away from it, Jisung held you securely in his arms so that you had no option but to take the pleasure he was giving you, and everything about it made you feel faint. 

He only released you when you went slack against the sheets, the most empty look in your stare as if your soul had been completely snatched from your body, and he couldn’t but moan. God fucking damn. 

Jisung kept fucking you through your orgasm, knowing that his was right around the corner, especially with how you had clamped around him like a noose as you came and the soft moans you were making as he tried to get himself off. It was classic mutually assured destruction. 

You were hyper aware of the wet sound of his hips smacking into yours echoing out on the walls, even wetter now that you had orgasmed on his cock. Knowing the effect he had on you somehow turned you on. You were still trying to collect yourself after having one hell of an orgasm, throwing your arms around his body again. 

“Mm. Jisung, come. I want you to come,” you purred, rubbing your hands down his back. 

Jisung was losing his mind. He knew he was a goner the second you said that and thus he begrudgingly withdrew from your soaked pussy, flipped you onto your stomach, and started to stroke himself the rest of the way with his fist. 

In a matter of seconds, he was groaning so close to and simultaneously too far from your ear, landing a stripe of his cum on your ass as he winced his eyes closed for the nth time. You looked behind you in time to see his face tensing and his lips parted in a perfect deep moan that had you clenching around nothing.

Jisung dropped beside you like a deadweight and tried to gather his breath. His mind was staggering from the orgasm and the tight feel of your cunt around his cock and he wasn’t going to be capable of thinking straight for the next hour or so. 

When you at last willed yourself to move, you brushed the hair out of his face and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jisung replied, nodding. “Are you?”

“I’m good,” you told him, grinning from ear to ear. You were hoping he wouldn’t leave without your number. The sex was a little too good not to happen again. 

Jisung bobbed his head again. He slowly sat up, knowing his head would spin if he got up too fast, and said, “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.”

You hummed in response, watching his back as he grabbed his pants and stepped out of the room. 

When he was in the bathroom, Jisung whipped out his phone from the pocket of his pants and texted his group chat. 

jisung: just lost my virginity for the 28th time not that i’m counting

mark: lmfaooo how long are these girls gon fall for that shit 

jeno: for real, he lies more than jaemin

jaemin: ntm on me. but i’m impressed he’s kept it up for this long 

haechan: come on. all he has to do is stutter and they’re like aweeee jisungie wungie is your cock heavy? here let me hold that for you

Jisung rolled his eyes and put his phone away. All he knew was the sex was amazing and he was coming back for seconds; you would be the perfect place to dump his cum before the start of November. 

And he wasn’t losing.

[deepspaceboytoy]

is there any hope for me at all if im a virgin at 23? if i tried hard enough i could probably lose it- i wipe my ass and know how to read, which puts me ahead of most men- but my gender dysphoria gives me such a massive disconnect from myself and my body that i dont think i know myself well enough to be a good partner to someone, either in a short-term sexual encounter or a long-term romantic relationship. and honestly, i just dont want to have sex as a man, but i lack the material conditions to transition, so im stuck. i feel like its a moral failing that im a virgin this late in my life, like no matter what my actual feelings or opinions are, im no better than the most terminally online neet. i dont know if i even actually want sex or if i just want to have it so i can feel equal to my peers. idk. im sorry for dumping this in your inbox but i like how mean you are and im kinda hoping that youre just gonna tell me to kill myself lol

Took me a while to compose the response I wanted for this but I want to start off by saying there’s no wrong or right age to have sex for the first time, especially for us lgbts. Shit’s hard both out there and inside our heads and it doesn’t help that there’s immense societal expectations to lose your v card young. I have friends who are several years older than me and still waiting or they don’t experience attraction or they just want to focus on shit other than their sex lives and no matter what your reason is for not having lost it, it’s perfectly fine. Under no circumstances should you take my dumb fuckin horndog ass any sort of barometer for where you are in regards to your relationship with gender. Honestly, I know it feels like it sucks that you haven’t had any sexual experiences but from the way you described your gender issues that may be for the best, I have a lot of friends who hadn’t reconciled their identity yet and rushed into sexual relationships because they felt they needed to or it was expected and it really hurt them or set them back, I think inside the struggles you’ve been having is a good awareness you may not be in the right space right now for sex.

Sex is a tough one because everyone’s relationship to it is vastly different. I talk a lot about casual relationships and short flings but it’s not a one size fits all either so don’t let the way I talk about it influence how you want to approach your sex life, now or in the future.

Lastly, I’m not gonna tell you to kill yourself because despite appearances I am a less caustically hostile rude asshole now than I have been on here, we could charitably call it personal growth. You’re in a rough place in your life, just like a lot of our community, and that’s both perfectly understandable and not at all a moral failing. Ultimately, if you’re looking for a guide on sex I’m a bad person to come to because I have what I think for most people would be a pretty unhealthy relationship with it. It works for me and when it doesn’t I seek out longer, more serious relationships, but each person is different. Focus on yourself and doing the things you need to do to become more comfortable with yourself first and you’ll find that it unlocks sexuality in a huge way. For me, that unlocking came in high school when I realized I really fit in well with the freewheeling casual stuff, but like I’m sure I’ve said in here before, it’s not a one size fits all. You’re doing fine

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

aaaaahhhhhh I need to scream about Taylor swift. just FUCK HER. oh my god. I have depression. it fucking SUCKS. and she leaves her boyfriend for being too depressed ATYHYTFBD HRRRGGGGGGGGG. AND THE PHSYCE WARD AESTHETIC. WTF IS WRONG WITH HER OH MY GOD. yubvefinhj arrrggghhhhhh I want to rip my skin off she makes me so mad.

I know this ask is about a month old now- I apologize if you were waiting for a response. I'm sensing a lot of frustration and anger here. Let me know if I am off base.

I thought receiving this was interesting- which is why I would like to reply. I understand your frustration- as someone who has also struggled with mental health, as I am sure many of us have, it is easy to let the frustration bubble up into anger. Taylor Swift, and her music, has remarkable impact on the culture.

I want to pause for a moment here- and let you know that I understand your anger. I cannot describe the feeling I had realizing that Swift’s latest album is basically an aesthetic co-opting of real mental health struggle.

Also- I work in an English Department- do you have any idea how obnoxiously hard it is to not role my eyes every time I think about the most pretentious and stupid album title ever: "Tortured Poets Department."

I really think she got one fake college degree from NYU and fancied herself an academic. (Please spare me the ineptitude).

I understand- and I also realize that this ask was but a brief moment of your day-if the anger is overwhelming, I would still urge you to recognize your own power. Oftentimes, I think anger releases out of frustration because we feel the person causing this frustration has so much more power than us- they exist above us- out of reach. As such, there is no way to truly communicate the frustration- or seek any recompense for it. A lack of ability to communicate- and be heard- can cause anger, it is human nature. We are both social creatures, and intuitively reactive. Both a blessing and a curse.

Please recognize that no matter how loud the divisive few, like Swift, are- culture is with the people, always. Combat the negativity with whatever positivity you have to give. Personally, I combat the negativity I see in the album by analyzing it- holding it up to the light and hopefully showing others how and why this is wrong. I do this with many authors- I've lambasted Hemmingway enough times now and written myself into an early grave railing against Joseph Conrad. Do not fear- or give frustration into anger- what you cannot control; instead use your own gift, whatever that may be, to give something good to the world- in the process it will make up for the bad.

Please note too that I am not talking about toxic positivity- about the kind of positivity that requires "everyone be nice all the time and never say a single curse word ever ever ever" UWU- BS - but rather actionable positivity. Definitive actions you take in the world- to right the moral wrongs. For me, this meant going to school- getting an education into moral philosophy and Literature- so that I might teach other how to critically analyze the world around them. All in effort, to affect actionable positive change, however small, in the lives of others. Teaching them to not only think about the concept of tenets of their reality, but to intentionally act with a moral backbone as they traverse their own lives. A metanalysis of self- that sincerely codifies our own agency in creating our reality. Ultimately, I act with intention, seek education, to give myself a tool with which I can work. See- actionable positivity. I seek to give people a reason to identify their own agency- their own power- and hopefully use that to be empathic, kind people, who think for themselves.

What, I wonder, does actionable positivity mean to you?

I really believe this- as silly as some people might find me for saying it. I really think only positive action, forethought and analytical, engaged minds, can rectify the moral corruption others bleed into the world. Swift is but one morally bankrupt individual amidst billions of people- all with differing moral centers. I say that among billions Swift will fade into obscurity. Hopefully, the good will outweigh the bad- to negate the negative cultural impact Swift has. Hopefully, we will all be smart enough to negate the environmental destruction of Swift as well (but I am a philosopher and not a climate scientist- so I suppose I must leave the particulars of that kerfuffle to the professionals).

I cannot comprehend the thought process of those who know better and still choose to continue supporting Swift. This album was a final straw (of sorts) for me. Frankly, I cannot comprehend the thought process of Swift either- who decided to write a whole song about how she is bored with her long-term boyfriend because he has depression.

Not to mention how cruel it is to out the mental health status of another- she was also marketing the album predicated upon the idea of this being a "break-up" album, which instrumentally has the effect of modulating the tone. Tonally, she defined this album by her own myopic lens of human experience- and her selfish desire to eternally be the damsel in distress. No- Swift is never a grown woman in control of her own actions, in any of her songs, she is instead eternally pointing a finger and say, "look at what you made me do."

The effect of marketing this album as a "break-up" album has the rhetorical effect of rendering every song on the album as blame-pointing from each of Swift expressed "down-trodded melodrama" not as a symptom of her actions, but as the result of her breakup. It even modulates the extent to which she can ever conceptually admit to any wrongdoing, because she has effectively embedded the rhetorical appeal "not my fault" into every aspect of her life. Thus- even if she did say "I'm at fault" it is overwritten by the tone of her own innocent, damselesque persona. People would still view her as the victim. Now, would this be a problem if the breakup was explicitly mutual? Maybe- maybe not. This is, however, a problem when Swift expressed again and again that the breakup was due to the other party- either being too depressed, or not being quick enough to marry. Thus, her getting bored enough to emotionally cheat.

In essence, Swift created a type of rhetorical vortex around the album though which every song is instrumentally telling about a different facet of her own instinct to paint herself as a victim of circumstance in every situation.

Not only was the ultimate onus of her album- breaking up- but it was also her "going crazy." She, on one hand wants to shame others for having a mental health struggle, while also co-opting it, using it as an aesthetic, and then reverting the narrative back to her being the ultimate victim because now- get this- she's the super sad one. So sad that she needs to dance on top of a giant metal psych ward hospital bed for the TTPD set of the Era's tour. She's so sad that she needed to cheat on her long-term relationship, then immediately pivot into a new relationship with someone who she thinks "looks like a high school bully."

What I think is truly heinous- is just her representation of her own mental health downturn as legitimate, and others mental downturns are illegitimate- or are an inconvenience to her.

Is this really the message I want millions of women around the globe to hear and internalize? no- because it is cruelly self-centered and melodramatic.

So- yeah, it's just so painfully mean-spiritied.

Anyway- I don't want to run away with my answer here, so I will leave off here. I hope you did not mind my waxing poetic a bit in the middle there- I am in a reflective mood tonight. I've been rereading various texts I wish to include in my freshman class on critical thinking. So, I am dwelling on what it means to critique Swift- keeping in mind my ultimate intentions, in life, which is to inspire people to think for themselves.

Anyway dear- this answer is becoming too long. Rest easy- and I hope you know that anger can be a wonderful tool- for fueling passion.

Good luck out there.

[pebiejeebies]

Where I got info ^^^^^^

Four exhibits very surreal mannerisms, one of them is the screech to stun them.

I screech earbleedingly aswell, screaming and screeching is my middle name lmfao

Although Four seems to be calm most of the time, they do get angry in many episodes, but he does have good manners every now and then, plus they have a mysterious, sadistic and narcicist personality where they use their powers to harm the contestants just for their own fun.

I have that issue aswell, I’m very sadistic and narcissistic when it comes to my ocs.. sadly I enjoy tormenting them (mentally is my favorite way <33) and in the past when I was younger, I used to abuse my sisters for my own pleasure, since I thought I was the best out of all of them..

Four was shown to want a sense of dominance in the show

Me to my sisters.. the feeling of being under someone is so unbearable, I have to deal with that is school everyday, so being dominant towards my sisters is bound to happen..

When provoked, Four would show no mercy and would even do things such as dissemble close friends out of anger, even lacking remorse in the process. In "Four Goes Too Far", Four mistook Nickel's response to calling David and Roboty "the only two non-objects on the team" criticism (which they could not tolerate very well). Four threatens to zap Nickel, with A Better Name Than That's plan being the only thing stopping the attack.

Sooo if disassemble was like unfriend/block, and the criticism being taken personally is very relatable, in fact, when my sister ever tells me any constructive criticism I always see it as an insult to my hard work, which sucks.. And for the “disassembling” part, I can be very close to a friend but if they piss me off/trigger me just once in a bad way, it would definitely make me ignore/block them, plus if disassemble counted as hitting, In the past I used to really abuse my sisters which I guess fits

In "Enter the Exit", Four seems to be a lot calmer, friendlier, and humbler, most likely because the contestants recovered them. They were noticeably less violent than before. After their return, they didn't screech anyone until "Return of the Rocket Ship", adding onto how friendly they became, but still will not hesitate to zap those who bother them.

The change in hostile behavior is something that I really went through, and the fact that four still hurts when someone irritates them is something I still do (as I’m typing this I literally hit my sister because she said my XO board was drawn wrong lmfao,,)

Then this shows Four's personality in more depth as well as their possible motivations: they seem to be childish. They act like a control freak because they want everyone to stay with him forever, explaining their narcissism and cruelty when hosting the show. Four throws tantrums when things don't go their way and strongly dislikes being abandoned (possibly due to them losing their playthings) to the point where they cry and refuse to let X console them since they think that X will abandon them too. After the split, Four seems to be nicer to the contestants and shows more personality. Toward the end of the episode, after the split took place and Two took nearly all of the contestants, Taco tells Four that they lost over half of the contestants. Instead of being angry or sad, Four makes light of the situation by saying BFB has "advanced" to its final 14 contestants.

This whole thing is just me, specifically when something huge bad happens like the split, I end up just trying to see the good side of everything, specifically the fact that I’m a bit obsessed with the fact of being some sort of host for something 

In "Uprooting Everything", when it comes to Purple Face asking if he could be a co-host, Four immediately declines, stating they have a better co-host. Four was down about the last four contestants complimenting X's position and saying they were a "good host" than not recuperating the same to Four.

If purple face was my younger sister and my middle sister was the better co-host,, this would definitely fit, then the growing jealousy from the better co-host because of how much they’re liked irl is way too fucking relatable

In "Chapter Complete", it is shown that they have an insecure side. They become upset that the contestants do not want him as their host, and instead chooses to leave them forever. 

This ^^^^

However, Gelatin told him that they indeed like him, but it was just that they did not like being hurt and tortured for his own benefit. Hearing this, he has a change of heart. He starts apologizing to everyone and becomes nicer to them.

After I started to change this is what I did, I specifically apologized to my sisters, since they were the ones I hurt the most

In "The Great Goikian Bake-Off", Four reverts back to his pre split personality and acts chaotically again. This is most likely because he is still mad at the old contestants, or he is just doing his job to protect the hotel's food.

Mad at old friends or protecting my room, iPad or literally anything that’s mine

Wow I guess that just makes me the silly billy—

UURGEHJRUEJEHHRGEGHEJURUEGHRURUEHEURUUURHEHHRHHR YAYYAYYYY

NOT ME BIEING HAPPY THAT SOMEONE CARES???!!?

@scrollinonhere

YYEGAGHEHYAYYEYEYYAYYEYHEHEYYYEEE!!

[atopearth]

Norn9: Last Era Part 4 - Itsuki Kagami Route

Time for Itsuki! I wonder if seeing things from his perspective will help me like him more since even though I love him as a side character in every route he was involved in, I didn't actually like his own route haha. But I did enjoy their banter (at least in the beginning) because I think it was nice to see how different Mikoto and Itsuki are and how they keep butting heads with each other due to their different views. I'll admit that I'm surprised Itsuki viewed Sakuya as perfect though, I guess it just goes to show that they both saw in each other what they lacked. I still think Itsuki rubs me in the wrong way because he always crosses boundaries with Mikoto that she's uncomfortable with. As for Ron, it's interesting to know that Itsuki actually saw one of Ron's dreams before and it seems like it was of Ron killing someone in his childhood? I can see why Itsuki ended up getting caught by Ron to do what he says since he kept trying to see Ron's dreams. Oh man, that is terrifying to be caught by Ron and shot at in the dream. Personally, I do like seeing things from Itsuki's perspective, especially since it shows nicely how he never really got the chance to tell Masamune about what he found out with Ron, but at the same time, I guess I still don't really feel his feelings for Mikoto?

I'm definitely enjoying Itsuki's perspective much more for the original route. It's straight to the point and honestly, I think seeing Itsuki's worries and thoughts about how he was going to die etc and wanting to engrave himself on Mikoto because he loved her and wanted to be with her but was scared that he won't be able to live to be with her was great. I still don't think their love clicks for me but if I accept that as it is, the drama is nice. After understanding how much Itsuki wants to protect her and have her stay away from the burdens of her powers, I think I can appreciate much more that he wanted Mikoto to stay in the dream forever without having to worry and stress herself out for responsibilities she shouldn't have to bear by herself. Since it was shorter and you actually don't see Mikoto's crying etc as much, Itsuki's route was okay but still not my type haha.

You really have to admire Mikoto's dedication to cooking though. She literally wakes up early to cook and taste test until she makes it good enough for Itsuki like wow! It sucks that she can't be great at cooking everything but I think the fact that she could make so many side dishes in the morning is already great and she really should cut herself some slack. Itsuki getting a job as a private school teacher sounds so scandalously funny haha. I think it was sweet of Itsuki to gently teach the merchant children that he wasn't telling them that they shouldn't follow their parents' paths and succeed their businesses, but instead that they should study various things, broaden their horizons and think for themselves what kind of path they want to take. It was funny to think of Mikoto having retirement blues because it is kinda true! She's been working hard with her barriers her whole life, trying to live up to expectations and protect everyone that she doesn't know how to relax and have a life outside of that. One thing I've been feeling quite sad about is that in the past three routes we've done, none of the heroines have found something they individually want to do and are instead supporting the LI, which isn't bad or wrong but I kind of wished that they could also find something they enjoyed for themselves as well. Mikoto buttoning Itsuki's clothing for him is so cute.

I'm glad we're getting to see Kazuha and her story because I've always been curious considering she died so young, but one thing that bothers me is...is the man she fell in love with Masamune's uncle? Is this his "mistake"? When Kazuha said she should never have fallen for him, and yet she would make the same mistake all over again if given the chance, I think I can understand her feelings. Even though true my crushes back in the day never ended well, and maybe my life would have been happier if I fell in love with someone else, but when I think about the precious memories that are still within my heart to this day albeit a bit hazy, I can't help but think I would like to keep those memories and feelings despite all the pain. It's sad that he was the only one who ever treated Kazuha as a normal girl rather than a seller of dreams even if he had other motives because regardless of his purpose, he helped her realise how nice it could be to be in love and have someone care for her outside of her powers. Itsuki wanting to see Mikoto's parents and sincerely tell them that he'll make Mikoto happy was sweet. It breaks my heart that Kazuha's love could never come to fruition but I'm sure she was happy being able to convey her love, and knowing that he has never forgotten her and even protected Itsuki because of her must have made her think her love was worth it.

After the sadness of Kazuha's story, it's nice to see the guys team up together to help convince Mikoto's parents to give Itsuki and Mikoto's marriage their blessings. I'm really glad Heishi finally got to see Itsuki though, I always felt sad that he never got to see Itsuki before he left. It was pretty funny to see Itsuki have to prove his love for Mikoto to Sakuya but I think the 100 questions they did together was pretty cute. Mikoto running alongside Itsuki is something expected of her, she's not someone to wait on the sidelines watching him suffer to prove his love when this is their relationship so they should show it together. It was really sweet when Itsuki said he was happiest knowing that he got Sakuya's approval, because he is definitely the one who knows and cares about Mikoto the most, which is also why it made me sad when Mikoto was angry at Sakuya for making Itsuki endure those trials when it was obvious that he was trying to help them get Mikoto's parents approval. It was so cool to get to to see Mikoto in a wedding dress and a traditional wedding kimono! I have to agree with Itsuki that the kimono is definitely the better one haha!

Overall, I enjoyed Itsuki's route but I definitely enjoyed exploring Kazuha's story the most. I liked how we finally got to know what happened and how innocent and sweet she was in her own way that led to Masamune's uncle's desire to protect someone she cherished. I liked how we got to see the everyday life of Mikoto and Itsuki, it was sweet seeing how great of a teacher he was and how hardworking Mikoto is as usual. Personally I wasn't too fond of Sunburst but I think that's mainly because of how cliche and predictable everything was rather than its delivery. In fact, I'd say I did enjoy it because I found it fun to see the guys together again and all trying their best to help Itsuki get approval for his marriage to Mikoto, it was so funny when Mikoto's grandpa said Heishi snuck into their house just to tell him how good of a guy Itsuki is lmao. But yeah, I've never been fond of Itsuki's superfluous words even if they are real and genuine and I guess it doesn't help that he's not my type, but I think this route is pretty similar in vibe with the original route so I think those who liked it would really like this after story too. Although cliche, the wedding CGs are definitely the best, I loved those! And despite everything, I am happy for them because they get to live the most "normal" life that they both wanted so it is cute, just not my thing.

[rainydawgradioblog]

Top Ten Songs that my Roommates Hate:

If I’m good at anything it's being obnoxious. Here’s ten songs that I love, but drive my roommates up the wall.  Ranked from their most to least tolerable.

10.  “Bangs”- They Might be Giants

Starting off very tame, “Bangs” has the signature TMBG geeky sound and whiny vocals. The song conjures imagery of pocket protectors and protractors. With lyrics like "royal flyness" and talk of concordant angles, “Bangs” is likely a big hit in the math department. Hey at least they've got taste.

9.  “Billy Don't Be a Hero”- Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods

What's better than mass manufactured 70s bubblegum pop hit about the Civil War? A cover of the Paper Lace ‘classic’, “Billy Don't Be a Hero” tells a story of a soldier killed in combat, in the most catchy, kitschy way possible. It’s a very addictive song, so please listen responsibly.

8.  “Xanadu”- Rush

“Xanadu” by Rush is not to be confused with the 1980 Olivia Newton John film of the same name, though both are pretty polarizing. The only critique I can offer is that at only 11 minutes, “Xanadu” is entirely too short. Who wouldn't want to " To stand within the pleasure dome, decreed by Kubla Khan” with Geddy Lee. Sounds pretty cool if you ask me.

7. “Motorcycle Mama”- Harpo

Everyone knows that a truly great musician is defined by their references to other, better musicians. Unlike the other songs on this list ( with the exception of Gaucho) this is a bad song, but it's a blast. Harpo’s so caught up in trying to string Ravi Shankar and Fritz the Cat together that he entirely forgets to pay any attention to the rest of the song.

6.  “Be True to Your School”- The Beach Boys

Clearly, my roommates are lacking some serious school spirit. Just wait until some loud braggart tries to put them down. They won't know what hit them.

5. “Your Auntie Grizelda”- The Monkees

I'm a big fan of the Monkees, but even I have to admit that “Your Auntie Grizelda" is an annoying song. There is a definite reason Peter Tork wasn't placed on vocals, but I think there's a certain charm to having a singer who can't really sing.

4. “Schlock Rod Pt. 2”- Jan and Dean

“Schlock Rod Pt. 2” is nothing if not unique, it's an obnoxious conversation between two men, complete with constant voice cracks. Set to a tune consisting of clanging metal and sputtering car engines, it's satire, and I’ll defend it till the end. Think this one is annoying? Check out part one.

3. “Gaucho”- Steely Dan

I apologize in advance to all the Dan Fans out there, but damn this song sucks. Listening to “Gaucho” is like being transported to your grandpa’s pontoon in the 80s, and when a song mentions ponchos more than once, there’s a fundamental issue lyrically.

2. “Sally MacLennane”- The Pogues

The best way to listen to any Pogues song is at an ear-splitting volume, though the people I live with might disagree. If you have too many friends, this will either take care of it (especially if you listen at strange hours of the morning) or you’ll meet the best people you’ll ever know. Rest in peace, Shane MacGowan, you are a legend and a genius.

1. “Strap on That Jammy Pac”- Ween

Recorded on a four-track cassette while both Dean and Gene Ween were supposedly huffing Scotchgard (they probably weren’t) and had mono (they probably did); “Strap on That Jammy Pac” is the first track off of The Pod, which is easily one of the best albums of all time. Shout out to Ween for this much needed addition to blues-country history.

-Parks

[unhingedkinfessions]

hi hi !!! its me again <3 kin walmart anon :)

after reading other peoples experiences, ive gotta talk about something that ive noticed is a pretty common thing amongst certain types of kin servers. and thats just… blacklists that are both user compiled and extremely strict.

this never made sense to me. especially if said blacklist is 400 miles long and has some of the wackiest shit on it. i actually still have access to the one from kin walmart, here are some of my favs:

- the word “bounce”

- the phrase “bouncing ball”

- mother mentions (all forms: mom, mother, etc)

- oranges (the fruit)

- school/mentions of schoolwork

- therapy

- Talking about private conversations/going to have a private conversation in a public setting

- any mention of the ocean

-

im also going to say, blacklists are fine. user compiled blacklists are okay but… i think there should be a better way to manage them. especially in spaces that have 100+ members. no hate to anyone who has these triggers either. i just think that there’s a line. there should be a line. and most times, ive found that the line is nonexistent. it should be up to user’s specifically to adjust their experience accordingly. im so sorry that i want to talk about the bouncing ball i stole from dollar general, maybe just dont read the conversation.

i understand that this take can be somewhat controversial, its why i don’t… talk about it without hiding behind anonymity. but i think, especially in kin spaces, blacklists are almost… idk.. taken advantage of?

idk this ended up being more rambly than intended, i just love talking about kin walmart and some of the whacky shit that went on there. stay tuned for our next episode; kin home depot

- kin walmart anon

NO YOU'RE SO RIGHT IS THE THING. there is a point where you need to be responsible for yourself and not place the responsibility/blame on others for not remembering every trigger on a mile long blacklist. you have to know when to step away from a conversation if there's a topic that triggers or upsets you, not demand everyone else conform to You. especially if it's extremely specific (such as the bounce example you gave) or extremely vague and frequently mentioned (moms, school, etc.). there's a lot of issues with those kinds of things and if you're in a Public space with lots of people, you gotta be responsible for your own well-being. it's different if it's a smaller group of friends, of course. there's a difference between 'friends' who continuously overstep your boundaries/comfort and large servers where people are just going to make general discussion about whatever.

the amnt of servers ive been in w mile-long user-compiled blacklists where people throw a gd Fit if you so much as allude to one of the 5000 "problematic medias" theyve put on the bl.... ok not that much actually cuz im thinking of one example in particular i was in multiple servers w. but you know. and a lot of shit can just be like. squicks or stuff they don't like, rather than something that will genuinely trigger them.

i swear some kinnies just can't manage big servers in general. once i was in a server of at Least 100 members - that was not even a kin server, it was for smth else but had a lot of kinnies - where there weren't any like, actual chat moderators (just some ppl who had permissions for unrelated reasons). there was a user-compiled blacklist that was rarely updated w requests, and one day out of boredom & frustration with the lack of organization, i went and sorted the long ass list by Category and Alphabetically. i was not even a mod i just DID THAT. the admins of that server sucked so bad they didn't know how to manage anything and were generally some of the worst people on the planet.

[macksting]

COVID prolly finally caught me

One tries one's best, but my ears are clogged and my nose is running and my head hurts. I still have senses of smell and taste, so either the latest vaccine is doing its job properly or it's actually some other respiratory infection.

It sucks 'cause I had a good track record, but we're unhoused and couchsurfing during one of the biggest spikes in the brief history of the illness.

Just sucks is all. I knew there was no avoiding it this time. Estimates were one in three will get it this time around due to lack of precautions, and I couldn't get anybody to stay six feet away from me masked or otherwise, and due to my circumstances I am unable to avoid using public transit. Unhoused people don't get to avoid COVID. Poor people have to shop for groceries more often than would be otherwise preventable, too, because we can't always afford nor even store buying in bulk, and the unhoused may not even have the entire space of a refrigerator or shelves, even when couchsurfing. And we had to travel during the spike, on New Years', because we were unable to live where we were. The lease ran out and the South is a rotten place to be homeless, trans, with a wife and kid and nearly no support network and no family. We simoly truly were forced by our circumstances to travel at the worst possible time.

Can't afford cars, can't afford to isolate. Turns out I am a member of a very vulnerable population again.

There was simply no avoiding it unless everyone else acted responsibly. Any plan that requires that is a bad plan.

Ultimately the blame is on the wealthy who sabotaged public response categorically.

Crikey, with all the brain fog I experience from anxiety disorders, the last thing I need is new permanent neurological damage. And at my age, permanent damage to my internal organs is gonna be Fun™️.

Wonder what this is gonna do to my immune system. :T

Bonus: We have to vamoose in six days due to the terms of our hostex's lease, and have not lined up anywhere to stay for more than a day or two each location, and getting to all the appointments to talk to people and attend interviews and such is exposing more people but we have to jump through hoops in order to try to obtain food, housing, etc. And of course nobody at my kid's middle school masks up.

[linagram]

@waiting-on-a-dream THANKS FOR TELLING ME THAT MY ASKBOX DOESN'T WORK DJFDJKDKD i kinda made this blog in a rush and forgot about it 😭😭

anyway, here's what my guard ocs would think of your prisoners!

i should explain how they would make their decision: because eiji would still want to vote everyone guilty and miki would still want to vote everyone innocent, i will explain why they think these prisoners are guilty/innocent and how they would try to convince each other to change their mind. and then i will reveal their final decision!

also, both of them try to judge prisoners only based on their crime and "ideas" at first, but.. tbh you can call both of them metavoters in some way hjdjdksks. they try to imagine what would happen after they vote and how the prisoners would react, so they often end up making their decision based on that.

Prisoner 001: Kanai Ichiro

Eiji: Everything about this guy is disturbing to him. Just why does he act like this? Well, it's not like Eiji cares, actually. Oh, is it because of lack of attention? Is it because mommy didn't love him? Then he should just suck it up and move on. You shouldn't kill people just because your parents never hugged you when you were a child. After watching his MV, Eiji would actually laugh in his face and say that Ichiro is pathetic. Also, he's so annoying.. Oh, it's okay though! Eiji will give him as much attention as he wants.. Ah, he doesn't mean hugs and headpats and all that stuff. He will make sure to think long and hard about his punishment though <3

Miki: She is terrified of him, but she feels sorry for him at the same time. He's so creepy, but she also thinks he's cute in a very weird way. During the interrogation, she would be very polite and she would make sure he's comfortable, so that she doesn't have to be afraid of his tantrums. She's sure he had to go through a lot, so.. yes, she can understand why he would do something so scary. She really wants to protect him for some reason totally not because he reminds her of someone, so.. yes, she thinks he's innocent.

How they would make their decision: Sure, maybe Miki agrees with some things Eiji says, but.. still, she thinks Ichiro had a reason for his murder and that reason is a very understandable one. Also, what's the point of voting him guilty? She's sure that this guy will snap if they do that to him and they don't want him to act even worse than he currently does. Eiji tries to assure her that he won't hurt Ichiro personally, he will just get rid of Keiko and that's all- Fine, fine, dealing with Guilty!Ichiro sounds like a pain. But hey, is Miki okay with taking responsibility for whatever happens to Innocent!Ichiro? Does she really think that affirming his thoughts is the right choice?.. Well, Miki just knows that she doesn't want to see him suffer. So for now, they have to make him trust them.

Final verdict: Innocent

Prisoner 002: Kobayashi Akane.

Eiji: Oh no. Oh no, watching her MV is very, very painful for him. When he first met her, he already had a bad feeling, but after her MV Eiji would be extremely close to having a breakdown. It just feels so familiar.. But no, he has to remember that no matter what, she's still a murderer. And that means he still has to vote her guilty. What's with these prisoners who are still in high school having problems with their parents and classmates.. Oh, he has to think about her punishment too. For some reason, he really doesn't want to do that.

Miki: She would feel so sorry for her, she would actually cry after watching her MV and she would run to give her a hug. The poor girl probably had no one who could support her when she needed help.. Um, if Akane is okay with it, Miki can be her friend! Yes, Miki is a guard and Akane is a prisoner, but.. Miki believes that everyone in this prison deserves a second chance!

How they would make their decision: Miki would try to calm Eiji down after he watches Akane's MV, but also.. yeah, she would use that to make him vote her innocent. I'm not kidding, this girl is okay with doing anything to save these prisoners. Eiji is still shaking.. Is it because he feels bad for her? Is it because he knows how Akane feels? Then he should vote her innocent. And why should they even vote her guilty? Doing that will only provoke her and she will become even more violent. That's what Miki thinks, at least. And again, they should make her trust them. Maybe they will learn more about her crime if they affirm her thoughts. So yes, let's vote her innocent, okay, Eiji-san?.. She doesn't deserve to get hurt even more.

Final verdict: Innocent.

Prisoner 003: Iwamoto Daisuke.

Eiji: Ugh. Can't he just.. vote this guy guilty already and call it a day? There's no need for interrogation, he hates this guy and he will make sure Daisuke knows it. After watching his MV, he would find him even more suspicious. Yeah, his brother's job is even worse (I never said what kind of photographer he was, did I?), but still, something about Daisuke just.. disgusts him. He's not surprised that a man like him would eventually end up killing someone. Haha, he's already getting excited just from imagining his punishment..

Miki: .. She's scared of him. Every time she sees Daisuke, she screams and tries to hide from him. He's definitely better than Kei, but.. she still doesn't want to talk to him. She thinks he's innocent though and she will still try to protect him from Eiji. She doesn't judge him for his job and she thinks that Daisuke would never kill someone if he didn't have a reason for it. Maybe he just had no other choice or he was forced to do it.

How they would make their decision: "Eiji-san, you just don't like him because he reminds you of your brother, right?" MIKI STOP EIJI IS ALREADY DEAD. Fine, fine, maybe she's right. But yes, he really is better than Kei.. though anyone could be better than him, honestly. But why do they have to forgive someone like him? He's way too relaxed for a prisoner and Eiji doubts that he really feels sorry for what he's done. Also, forgiving him means affirming his thoughts. And Eiji doesn't want Daisuke to think that it was okay to kill someone even if it was a part of his job. Also, he just really wants Daisuke to understand how serious this situation actually is. If they forgive him, who knows, maybe he will do the same thing again.

Final verdict: Guilty.

Prisoner 004: Toma Suzume.

Eiji: Something about her annoys him a lot. Also, her saying that she's uncomfortable with something only makes him hurt her even more. So.. yeah, sorry, Suzume, your interrogation won't go that well (for you). After watching her MV, he starts to understand why she's like this, but so what? It's not like her video will make him vote her innocent. He doesn't care about her relationship with that guy, she's still a murderer and she's still guilty. He doesn't think she feels sorry for what she's done, so he will make sure she begs for forgiveness. And if it turns out that she killed someone just for that guy's sake.. He will laugh a lot at first before saying that she's one of the worst prisoners here. Really, just how obsessed do you have to be to do something so horrible for your boyfriend?

Miki: She would like her a lot! If Suzume is anxious about something, Miki is always here to calm her down and make her feel safe. She really likes her outfit too! Honestly, Suzume is so pretty, haha.. Um, if she doesn't like something, she can always tell Miki about it and she will try to help her! After she watches her MV, she feels even more sorry for her. She was probably manipulated by that guy or something like that, but their relationship obviously wasn't healthy.

How they would make their decision: No, Miki, we're not voting her innocent. If we do, it means we will affirm her ideas and we don't want her to think it's okay to kill someone just because you love someone a bit too much, right? Or maybe she killed that guy. Whatever, it's still not okay to do that. And again, it doesn't look like she's sorry for her actions and Eiji will make her regret committing her crime. If they vote her innocent, she will most likely think it's okay to do things like that as long as you do it for someone you love. Miki eventually ends up agreeing with Eiji because she doesn't want Innocent!Suzume to think that her relationship with that guy was something "normal". She wants her to understand that she deserves better and also, if you have to kill someone to prove your love.. yeah, that person most likely doesn't even deserve your love.

Final verdict: Guilty.

Prisoner 005: Endo Haku.

Eiji: Don't try to fool him, Haku. He knows that the sane-looking people are actually the most dangerous ones. And Eiji will remind Haku that he hates him every single day. Haha, he wonders just what kind of reaction Haku will show him if he punishes him.. Watching his MV would break Eiji though. Yes, first it was Akane's MV and now it's Haku's.. Eiji really is softer than he looks. It takes him a while, but after he realizes what kind of relationship Haku and the boy from the video had, he actually almost ends up crying. Oh, it's not because he feels bad for him or anything. He wants to vote him guilty even more now.

Miki: She's so happy to meet someone normal in this place.. Well, at least this guy looks like a normal person. She likes him a lot and she often comes to visit him when she feels like she needs a break from other prisoners and.. uh, her partner. He's one of the prisoners she would try to protect the most. He committed his crime for someone he loved, right? And it seems like a healthy relationship unlike what she saw in Suzume's MV.. well, at least that's what she thinks.

How they would make their decision: Oh, this would be a tough one. Eiji would actually end up completely losing it and Miki would call him out for wanting to vote Haku guilty simply because Eiji's own brother would never do anything to protect him. Isn't that a bit hypocritical of him? Didn't he say that Ichiro should be voted guilty even though he didn't get much attention? How the tables have turned.. Eiji simply says that even if Kei was the best older brother ever, he would still vote him guilty because of his murder(s). Eventually he gives up and just tells Miki to do what she wants. Miki would be so worried about him that she would vote Haku guilty at the very last moment only because of Eiji. Fine, she will trust him this time.

Final verdict: Guilty.

Prisoner 006: Sasaki Yui.

Eiji: Wow! She annoys him so much! Oh, but it's like, she annoys him in a good way. He wants to vote her guilty so bad, hehe <3 He hates her sickeningly cutesy personality too. And no, he doesn't care about her requests and he will stop Miki from doing anything for her. She has to accept that she doesn't have any fans here and her popularity will not help her. That last moment from her MV though.. Huh, maybe she actually does feel sorry for committing her crime. Well, Eiji doesn't really care. She still murdered someone, her saying she's sorry won't change anything.

Miki: I can imagine Miki being her fan before meeting her in person, haha. She would lose her mind once she meets her, like WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IDOL MURDERED SOMEONE. Yui really could go "But Warden-san, I didn't kill anyone :(" and Miki would be like "You're so right, you would never do that". And even if she did, surely it was an accident, right?.. Right? She most likely just doesn't want to accept it and she still can't believe that it happened, that's why she denies it so much.

How they would make their decision: .. Something about voting her innocent just doesn't feel right. To be honest, even Miki starts to think so. Yui denies murdering someone and if they affirm her thoughts, she will most likely think that what she did was okay, even if it was an accident. Miki doesn't think she deserves to be punished or anything like that, but.. She doesn't want Yui to act too proud. Again, this is Milgram. Her being a famous idol doesn't matter here, she's a murderer, just like everybody else here.

Final verdict: Guilty.

Prisoner 007: Shigeru Rin.

Eiji: .. I hope Rin is ready for getting slapped by Eiji every time he opens his mouth. Ugh, he hates this child so much.. What, he wants Eiji to forgive him, otherwise he won't stop crying? Good, cry more then. He won't change his mind, he's used to dealing with prisoners like him. He wouldn't understand what happens in his MV at all, but again, it's not like Eiji cares. He's still a murderer, he doesn't even have to watch his video. Also, he won't even think of voting him innocent until he hears Rin saying he's sorry.

Miki: She would literally beg Rin to stop crying and she would do anything to earn his trust. He's just a child, what is he doing here? Yes, he's older than Asahi, but still.. someone like him shouldn't be here. His MV doesn't look that bad either. Maybe his crime wasn't as scary as Eiji thinks? Sure, it's still murder, but.. m-maybe they can forgive him?

How they would make their decision: Another tough one. It's hard to make a decision only based on his crime because they have no idea what he even did. Maybe they should just judge him based on his personality?.. Though both of them don't really like the idea of voting him guilty only because he's annoying (yes, even Eiji). Um, maybe if they vote him innocent, he will agree to talk more about his crime? Eiji really doesn't want to do it, but fine, he needs more information about him to understand him better.

Final verdict: Innocent.

Prisoner 008: Watanabe Noa.

Eiji: Even if you're shy and quiet, you're still a murderer to him. It just means you won't cause as much trouble as other prisoners. Also, her personality and her MV just make him suspect her even more. Like, what is she hiding? Her video reminds him of Suzume too, so yeah, he doesn't care about what kind of relationship she had with her husband, she's guilty. Even if it was painful, even if she had to suffer a lot, he still refuses to forgive her until he hears that she's sorry. Maybe he will think about voting her innocent after that. Also her drinking habit makes him hate her even more.

Miki: She would like her so much! She's such a nice woman, Miki just knows that she can trust her! She understands her so well, this place is so scary, it's no wonder she acts like that.. S-she's not sure she's okay with bringing her alcohol every night though. She doesn't know much about her past, but.. she thinks Noa should find a better and more healthy coping mechanism. Oh, maybe Miki can make some tea for her instead? Her MV would make her cry and feel sorry for her too.

How they would make their decision: They would do almost the same thing they did with Suzume. They don't know what exactly she did, but she's still a murderer, and if she killed her husband.. well, that only makes everything worse for her. Eiji doesn't care about her motive and Miki finds her doing something like that a bit scary and she wants to trust Noa, but.. until they learn what happened, they're not sure they can forgive her.

Final verdict: Guilty.

Prisoner 009: Miyahara Kiyoshi.

Eiji: He would literally laugh for like 10 minutes after he finds out he's a cop while pointing his finger at him. After he's done, he would simply go "Sorry, you're still guilty~". He doesn't care if it was self-defense and he doesn't care just how kind Kiyoshi is. He already knows a Prisoner 009 who's sweet on the outside, but is actually just as bad as Kei, so he can't trust him. Also, something about his ideals scares him a bit. Huh? What do you mean, Eiji is just as passionate about his own ideals as him? Whatever, he's still better than that old man. At least he didn't actually kill anyone.

Miki: Finally, someone who actually seems reliable! She's so glad to have someone like him in Milgram, being a prison guard and solving prisoners' crimes is so hard for her.. Also, she doesn't think his crime was that bad? She fully trust him and believes that it really was self-defense. It doesn't look like he had any other choice and that prisoner started it first. So.. maybe they should forgive him? Something about Innocent!Kiyoshi makes her nervous though..

How they would make their decision: Eiji really doesn't want to say it, but he can't prove just how bad of a person Kiyoshi really is right now. He just thinks that he's way too perfect, like he can't trust a man like him. Miki kinda agrees with him, but also she doesn't think that voting him guilty is a good idea. When Eiji asks why, Miki simply says: "He's useful". He finds it shocking that Miki didn't just say "Well, he's nice :)" or "I don't want anything bad to happen to him :(", but then he laughs. Wow, his partner truly is something. Fine, let's make this old man believe he's safe for now.

Final verdict: Innocent.

Prisoner 010: Okura Mayumi.

Eiji: Another prisoner with their own ideals and rules? God, these guys are so annoying.. It doesn't help that Mayumi is so nice, it actually makes Eiji feel sick haha get it because she's a nurse. Her MV only makes him feel even more anxious. Actually, everything about her being a nurse and a prisoner makes him feel anxious. Every time he sees her, he has to pretend like he's not in extreme pain 24/7. Her personality actually terrifies him, he has a very bad feeling about her crime. If she tries to be nice to him, he will panic even more and try to hide it with another punishment for her.

Miki: Why would Eiji be so scared of her? Mayumi is so sweet, she's so glad to have an older sister figure like her, hehe.. Miki is so grateful to her for everything she does, she really can't thank her enough. Oh, maybe she can help Eiji with his injuries? He actually has to hold back his tears every time he has to walk somewhere, so.. Oh, it looks like Eiji doesn't want Mayumi's help. Oh well, it's not like Miki can force him to accept it.. Wait, her MV is terrifying-

How they would make their decision: She's nice. She's reliable. She's useful. But still, something about voting her innocent just.. Do they really want a nurse to believe that killing a person who was most likely her patient is a good thing? Again, they really need a person like her here, but also.. they are guards. They have to do their job. They have to make a decision, and both of them know what they want to do.

Final verdict: Guilty.

[jet-bradley]

its just really hard to watch how many of my irls back home go out and just do things for fun like go to theme parks and concerts etc together because like, yeah theyre able to do that because they dont have commitments because a lot of them are either a) not in school b) in majors that do not demand as much of your time as engineering, but it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with my degree when it's really just a lot of work that i'm paying somebody else to tell me to do, to what? end up working a dead end job i hate? everybody around me at school is either going into the military or the defense field, and everyone around me at home actually has time to enjoy living. im just working for a degree in a field that has never wanted me. this is probably going to offend some of the arts majors who follow me and im sorry, but it really sucks being the friend studying for a real degree, because i *know* my friendships and relationships suffer cause of my lack of time.

so when i get burnt out or just plain old sick etc its so much worse because its like, i really have no time for myself anymore. every waking moment i hate myself for not doing things that i cant bring myself to do. im bad at things i used to be able to do with no problem and i don't have any motivation or work ethic anymore. and it's not like i have time to abandon my responsibilities to heal, i don't even have time for my physical health anymore. i powered through pneumonia without seeing a doctor because i didn't wanna miss the start of capstone. but it doesnt even matter because my 100% is everyone else's 10% at this point.

like when my mom died my academic advisor gave me shit for dropping my classes when it was time to register for new ones. like i needed fucking attitude for taking time to heal (when i really probably should have just left). this field hates me and i don't have a future in it.

[americanredragger]

I cannot stress how much electing Trump will DOOM the Palestinian people. His son-in-law is already salivating at the thought of snapping up Palestinian seaside properties at incredibly low costs once everyone there is dead or forcibly relocated to camps in the Negev desert.

Israel's government LOVED Trump. He gave them everything they ever wanted while he was President. Remember how Trump did the unthinkably crass and insensitive and at the time potentially war-ignitingly controversial thing by formally acknowledging fucking Jerusalem as the capital of Israel? Even though America stood to gain nothing by it, and, this cannot be downplayed enough, IT MIGHT HAVE TRIGGERED AN ACTUAL WAR? Like, it didn't, thank fuck, but that was VERY MUCH a reasonable concern and a bunch of us are still shocked that it didn't.

THAT MAN IS THE ONE PEOPLE THINK WILL GO EASIER ON THE PALESTINIANS?

Biden is complicit in genocide. How willingly is a separate discussion. But Trump is GLEEFULLY complicit. We know this from his actions and words both.

There is NOBODY ON THE BALLOT who is pro-Palestine, or even overtly pro-Let's-Not-Kill-EVERY-Palestinian.

Purism will solve nothing, and instead will make everything worse.

But Biden can be pushed, and we have evidence from just this fucking month that pushing him on Gaza fucking WORKS. It's not immediate. It's not even fast. But it IS a thing that CAN be done.

That will NEVER happen with Trump. Ever.

And at the end of this election, we will either have President Trump again, or President Biden again. Hate it all we want, we are not in a position to change this in less than the next 50 years. And If we have President Trump again, we will very likely never have a fair election again in this fucking country. As bad as America is now, it is provably worse with Trump at the helm, both domestically and internationally.

If BOTH options are unacceptable on this issue to you, suck it up and choose your vote based on one of the many issues on which they aren't aligned (and again, on this, they are FAR from perfectly aligned). And then you keep doing it EVERY TIME YOU HAVE THE OPTION because this isn't a "casting one ballot will save the world" issue. It's a forever thing. It's a life long responsibility we all have in a representative democracy. That's just how voting fucking works.

Biden is not a president I enthusiastically support, but I know who my alternative is, and I promise I have NOT forgotten how close the world came to meltdown with America under Trump's "leadership". Or how FREQUENTLY. Remember that Trump's lack of leadership gave us a pandemic we are still suffering from today. Trump's leadership had us have to narrowly dodge nuclear war at least twice while he was in office, and general war became a possibility at least once a year.

If the alternative to Trump is a truckload of dead fish, you cast your ballot for the molding bunch of school rejects.

Fortunately our present option is a little bit better than that.

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Monday, September 23, 2024 8:42 pm

so

i didn’t go to school today :P i’ve been sick since friday and it’s gotten a little better i guess. i was sooo sick friday i literally couldn’t stand up, i was so hot and sweaty it was gen disgusting

anyways, I’m still sick and i’ve been having loads of nosebleeds so that sucks, thats actually why i didn’t want to go to school cuz i was scared of my nose bleeding in the middle of class and most of my teachers don’t have tissues so id just be kinda fucked

sorry for swearing, I’m just a little runt you know? i also have homework due tomorrow that i’ve had since like thursday to do and i haven’t done it soo

as you know per my last post, I’m 16(i don’t remember if i said that lol) and I’m such a fucking loser i know but i’ve got a boyfriend(?) for the first time(ill explain later) but i’ve met him on discord cuz i was super desperate and whatever

and i’ve met him

changing the song I’m listening to hold on

i’ve met him about a little more than a month ago(i’ve been trying to make more bad decisions lately) actually i want to expound up l

sorry my nose started bleeding a little bit

i want to expound upon that more. i felt like i’ve been too responsible my whole life, like internet safety meant the world to me and shit. but then i was like, am i missing out? not that i want bad shit to happen to me, but i feel like everyone has does stupid internet shit once in their life so like i want it too?? and i feel a little more stupid because like my actions lack authenticity so it’s so much lamer. like if i was some 16 year old kid that’s just so desperate for a relationship they date some internet because they haven’t thought about the repercussions then it’s like a thing to look back on and ittle be like “ohh i was such a dumb kid hahah” but since i know what I’m doing i just look like a dumb fuck.

it’s not even that i don’t like the guy, he’s really nice to me and he acts like he really likes me. idk if he’s lying to get something out of me but I’m just gonna pretend it’s real for now and hope it goes well for me

that sounds really sad lol. i just mean like he’s the only person ever in my life that has acted attracted to me and everything so like ther

changed the song again

there’s something there that’s keeping me instead of just letting me realize this is a really bad idea and i shouldn’t just block him or something. he’s got something up with him and maybe i’ll complain about it another day but

OMG ALSO like 20 minutes ago i asked him if he wanted to call and he didn’t answer cuz ig he’s too busy playing dark souls 1 or something. which only pisses me off cuz it took a lot out of me to even ask. i have social anxiety(idk what it is actually) but like i feel like genuine pain when i have to speak to people and reaching out to him almost made my heart explode, which it does all the time. and ive been trying to make an effort to be braver and talk to people more but its so hard. its been working tho, I’m actually able to start and somewhat hold a conversation now. actually the only reason we r even talking rn is cuz i was trying to get better at social interaction. like the third time he dmed me, i considered not responding and just ghosting him but i was like, “NO. YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THIS.” so i did and now we are like dating(?)

to explain the question marks, and i still haven’t gotten over this. he asked me one day if we were together or something along those lines then i was like “i though we were already together” and he’s all like “well if we were together i think we would text more”

and omg it pissed me off to no end. THE GUY WHO CANT TEXT ME FIRST SAYS WE NEED TO TALK MORE. ARE TOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? like dude so we aren’t dating in ur book unless we talk more(and this is after he said we were taking things slow, which i[how do i do italics] thought was code for casual dating) and then won’t fucking talk to me unless i say something

and I’m only complaining cuz he’s older than me(he’s 18) and has also been in a relationship before( also told me one time that i was acting like his ex and i almost shot and killed myself) like dude, i already told you about my anxiety and shit

whatever anyways it’s been like 30 minutes and he still hasn’t said anything. who cares. i didn’t. even want to call him anyways

what really sucks is i really like him and think about him all the time and idk and i haven’t called him in like a week T-T

I’m so fucking lame god

okay i don’t think i have any more things to complain about so i hope you all have a good day/night/morning! i love you. i really do love you. you took the time to read my stupid ramblings and i really love you. god i want to cry but i can’t even cry anymore

should i start numbering these?

9:15 pm

[mono-red-menace]

NPD's name is like. stigmatising and everything but like. the reason for the stigma behind it is that it's a mental illness. and mental illnesses are just broadly stigmatised.

like even if they changed the name. the stigma would always be there.

bc like it's there for borderline, and that name isn't stigmatising at all, yk.

like don't get me wrong the name sucks bad. but like the big things i see are "don't use narcissist to label people! it's stigmatising to mental illness!" and "the name narcissistic personality disorder is inherently stigmatising and it needs a different name," or, more broadly, "the name narcissistic personality disorder proves the stigmatising nature of psychiatry."

i believe in bits from both sides, honestly, but like,

my broad experience in psychiatric care shows that Generally, they are here to help and hold no stigma. HOWEVER, enough people within the field hold stigma toward anything beyond depression or anxiety, that looking for psychiatric care is a minefield. and like also some of the names and ways symptoms are described are stigmatising, even if the majority (not a vast majority, but a majority) of the professionals i've seen are very, very against the stigma around mental illness, and that some "symptoms" aren't even problems, and don't need to be treated.

but also like, i think most people in the world show some things which can be described as symptoms of mental illness, and i literally think it should be mandatory teaching like, in schools, for people to learn how to manage their emotions, communicate effectively, etc. like i literally think shit like CBT and DBT should be something everyone is taught.

and also i think like. stigma toward mental illness is bad and it's not rlly just bc of like. the names of them, but also bc ppl perceive mental illness as something that Makes You A Bad Person, and don't recognise that the reason for the behaviours is because of trauma, and instead like, it's just bc the person is like. Selfish or Manipulative or whatever. when, in reality, the lack of empathy or manipulative behaviour stem from mistrust or other negative feelings rooted in their trauma.

like mental illness Can lead people to behave in ways that are harmful. but those harmful behaviours are also defence mechanisms, and the people who perform those behaviours deserve the kindness they need to unlearn those behaviours.

like not necessarily from you. like you don't have to be there the whole time to hold their hand if you're not able, but stigmatising them for the behaviour isn't the answer, yk.

sometimes the answer to a person who has harmful behaviours is to hold them until they stop being scared.

and sometimes it's "i care about you, but you are behaving in ways which are harmful to me, and, while i want to see you better, i need to distance myself from you for my own health," and based on their response, either sticking around in their periphery to show you care, or leaving entirely if you know they will continue to be harmful to you.

but like, showing kindness towards these people, and recognition of the fact that their behaviours are a result of unhealed wounds, while prioritising what you need, is the answer. yk, like, stigmatising them and treating them like their behaviours are rooted in Evil ensures they'll keep being hurt, keep having that wound opened, and never heal.

like one thing i want to say is like. abuse is more complicated than just The Abuser Is A Horrible Person, yk. To abuse doesn't make you An Abuser, just as how committing a crime doesn't make you A Criminal. Abuse isn't something you are, it's something you do, and it can be changed. and you can't always make up for it, but you can learn from it.

and the big stigma with mental illness stems from how "Abusers" are treated by society. it's the lack of forgiveness and room for growth. someone fucks up, and they're treated as a "Criminal" forever.

what are we? christians? we're just going to hold these people to these fuckups forever?

someone has trauma that leads them to perform harmful behaviours, and that means they don't deserve a chance at all? someone performs harmful behaviours and that means they have a Disorder and are Bad By Nature? yk?

there's so much Determinism in how we view others and it fuels stigma.

an abuser isn't something you are, it's something you do, and a disorder doesn't make you an abuser. it can lead you toward abusive behaviours, but that doesn't mean you're guaranteed to behave abusively, and that doesn't mean you're unforgivable and you won't grow and improve if you do.

idk. i had more of a point but my roommates keep talking rlly loudly and it's distracting me. 😔

[sundayharmacist]

This is just a vent but

I see a lot of anti school and anti teacher feelings here on tumblr. And like, i get it, school sucks. But what most people dont realize is that being a teacher is harder than it looks when youre a student.

I was also one of the students who hated teachers and thought the many rules were stupid. But now, working as a teacher i see the reason for them.

One widely hated rule is asking to go to the bathroom and i really dont lile enforcing it especially when im forced to deny it due to annoying principals breathing down my neck. But the other side of that rule is that as a teacher i need to know where everyone is at all times so i can asure their safety. If a kid just walks out of class without telling me why i dont know how long they'll be out, what theyre doing, where theyre going and if theyre safe. If something happens to that kid its my responsibility and not knowing where they went when they were supposed to be in class under my watchful eye isnt an excuse.

So, if i know it theyre going to the bathroom i have a time estimate of when theyre supposed to be back and if they take too long i can investigate if theyre ok or not. If theyre sick, if theyre injured, all that jazz. Same with going ti drink water. Also just letting kids walk around the school unsupervised is dangerous because kids are very into getting into dangerous situations that i am obligated to protect them from. So asking to use the bathroom or to drink water is a deterrent to keep kids from roaming alone where i cant see as well as a precaution that allows me to check on them.

The no talking rule is also widely hated. But im supposed to teach the kids stuff. And stuff is boring, theyd rather be talking about games or tiktok or whatever. Im also actively working to explain something appropriately to their age group and need to keep track of an explanation line thats understable to them while making sure that im heard and keeping track of what each and every one of the students are doing.

Kids hate learning stuff that they dont have use to and i need to make sure they learn that stuff because while its useless to them now it will help them in the future even though kids couldnt care less about the future.

Dress codes are dumb period. But uniforms create a sense of belonging and equalness regardless of the kids financial status, allowing them a base in which they can talk on equal ground and learn from each others different perspectives without the barrier of status.

All thats not to say that i think school is fine the way it is now. It has to be reformed and humanized and the teachers need to be better prepared to take on the role of teaching and dealing with kids. It has a whole lot of big room for improvement. I just think that the most popular complaints arent whats actually wrong with the school system. Sure they could be improved but theyre not the reason school feels bad for kids.

The reason school feels bad are the long hours, high pressure, overcrowded classrooms, lack of meaningful and pleasurable interaction between teachers and students, standartized tests that dont actually assure quality education, unrealistic expectations from the capitalistic culture, lack of transparency on the rules, lack of accessibility for disabled or neurodivergent students, etc etc etc

This got long but as someone who loves my work i have Many Opinions and can go on and on about every little thing

[xsadcorebenji]

i get sad and lonely often,

but it’s hard to access the emotions of self-hatred,

and it’s hard for me to care as much whenever anything bad happens anymore,

Fox died, i had to make a terrible decision,

it was the worst decision i could ever make for myself but it was necessary

that was my zenith,

not every other troubling experience i went through

that moment

i lose friends often and

i picture myself

again in some random town

anywhere

with another social group

until i am inevitably alone

and there’s no reason for me to want to die, as long as i live Fox lives on,

he’s here in my heart and in my memories, and i never want to die because i don’t want the world to forget Fox

there’s nothing

that will ever clear out that pain and

there’s no point in suppressing it or running away or avoiding it

it’s there; an open wound that refuses to close

and i’m tired,

i’m tired of people not making the fucking effort to understand me,

that’s not my responsibility

and thank GOD for a therapist patient with me enough to not tell me to just stop talking about Fox,

that pain lives on,

but as time passes and i remember

the good parts it’s hard not to fall in love all over again

no one was there when i was 23

there’s so much me where it’s like

Fuck Life, if Life wants to pass me by,

go fucking ahead, fuck life, fuck everything and everyone, don’t fucking rush me,

i just want to carve out space for myself to learn things i wanted to learn and fuck how fast everything passes,

i don’t care, pass me the FUCK by already then, fuck accelerationism, fuck the government, fuck all of it, how months feel like years,

and a day passes and it already feels like a fucking century passed

and everyone who “breaks up” (even in platonic context) with me with some variance of

“life goes on” (with every connotation of “oh well”)

suck shit and die already

“life goes on”

i wanna fucking smear your face into the pavement get the fuck over yourself.

the same people will idolize you

the same people are the first to demonize you

and i don’t care,

i’m so tired of all of it,

i’m tired of these lonely feelings that come on, and there’s really not much but to wait for it to pass

just a lot of missing out;

put simply lately been considering how i should’ve have skipped out on some dates during high school,

just because i wasn’t interested in the person

realize now that’s the point in dating,

actually fucking getting to know each other better

and i spent a lot of last year getting close to someone i really shouldn’t have been so forgiving with nor should have gotten close to,

just absolutely frustrating, because there was so much of the time we knew each other, you didn’t even FUCKING register in my head as anything like that,

and i just get so fucking suckered in whenever anyone reaches out to say “i care” whenever i’m feeling it, but christ

i wish people like you don’t exist,

energy vampires who feed off of anyone who seems to carry an earnestness you lack

and i am earnest by god

and i don’t care to carry resent for you

maybe just this large disdain,

and the ugly miserable thought of how easily you can throw it away

and if the thought of me hurts, i genuinely hope it does actually,

and i always want to say “and what are you going to fucking do about it?”

because whenever i think of you; i think of how i really need to be more careful,

but also

how much I NEVER WANT TO BE YOU;

i’m grateful shit failed because i want me more than ever,

and 33 has been a frustratingly lonely year thus far, and i suppose i don’t know if 34 will be better

part of me feels like i should be concerned with how often i alienate others now, but i also DON’T CARE, i am LITERALLY feeling like the most honest i can be with myself lately and if y’all can’t fuck with that

then fuck off, easy

just tired,

and in the end,

there’s just so much stuff i want to do for the sake of doing it absolutely for myself

and admittedly some of the stuff i do i have some petty motivation like

hope all this exercise and skin care and everything else pays off and i become so physically alluring that anyone’s who’s ever snubbed me just feels a searing fucking pain in their stomachs

but even then,

it’s just nice to move around again ultimately

and life

just keeps happening

stuff keeps happening

new things keep happening

it never ends and i’m painfully curious

and good stuff happens for friends and so many things happen

and admittedly i get jealous of good events just wishing i could experience the same

like wish i could experience dates

but i know i’m too picky, and i know it’s incredibly difficult for me to like

FEIGN having interest when i don’t

i just can’t call it a “closed mind”

but it’s like if there’s nothing really interesting i’m getting out of it, then what’s point

still,

i wish i went to more of those movie dates

and bowling dates

but again, i’m definitely more grown than i was in highschool

like understand myself a lot more

it just sucks it comes at a time where realistically

not a GODDAMN person “emotionally available”

like yeah, no shit, why you hanging out with me then?

oh right ENERGY,

drink it up, i hope you choke on it

sincerely sometimes,

“ewww you’re so ugly when you’re mean”

well you piss me the fuck off when you just come up with shit excuses to blow me off cuz you ain’t got integrity,

like all of it.

stop blaming me for your fucking messes please,

all of it,

fucking teacher sends me to the hospital because i have a fucking meltdown because motherfucker couldn’t hold his FUCKING end of the responsibility of a misunderstanding

“it’s all YOUR fault”

well, fucker i hope all those steroids or whatever fitness bullshit you were on just rotted your dick off and you’re just eternally flaccid

motherfuckers that can’t say “i’m sorry”

“shit was a mutual misunderstanding”

nah it’s “you this or that”

or “life goes on”

literally fuck off

you ain’t ever going to meet a motherfucker alive that even comes close to me,

and y’all better be armed with someone way better because some of y’all, i ain’t ever gonna fuck with you like that again

so i hope it was worth losing me, fucker

so many of you,

i genuinely hope it was worth it

“whew well you sound so toxic, so it’s probably relief for them,

they probably spare no thought for you”

shut the fuck up, negging self-talk,

if you’re trying to convince me they don’t spare a single thought about the craziest motherfucker they ever met

then you’re delusional as shit my friend,

well my obligatory friend,

who only recently can i just recognize you’re just bullshitting and to not take you so seriously

i’m angry so yeah “toxic” “toxic”

but i still fucking know

i’m the best friend anyone could ever have

because i actually show the fuck up.