#if you don’t really have a local community you can connect with try finding one that you gel with online

[deepspaceboytoy]

is there any hope for me at all if im a virgin at 23? if i tried hard enough i could probably lose it- i wipe my ass and know how to read, which puts me ahead of most men- but my gender dysphoria gives me such a massive disconnect from myself and my body that i dont think i know myself well enough to be a good partner to someone, either in a short-term sexual encounter or a long-term romantic relationship. and honestly, i just dont want to have sex as a man, but i lack the material conditions to transition, so im stuck. i feel like its a moral failing that im a virgin this late in my life, like no matter what my actual feelings or opinions are, im no better than the most terminally online neet. i dont know if i even actually want sex or if i just want to have it so i can feel equal to my peers. idk. im sorry for dumping this in your inbox but i like how mean you are and im kinda hoping that youre just gonna tell me to kill myself lol

Took me a while to compose the response I wanted for this but I want to start off by saying there’s no wrong or right age to have sex for the first time, especially for us lgbts. Shit’s hard both out there and inside our heads and it doesn’t help that there’s immense societal expectations to lose your v card young. I have friends who are several years older than me and still waiting or they don’t experience attraction or they just want to focus on shit other than their sex lives and no matter what your reason is for not having lost it, it’s perfectly fine. Under no circumstances should you take my dumb fuckin horndog ass any sort of barometer for where you are in regards to your relationship with gender. Honestly, I know it feels like it sucks that you haven’t had any sexual experiences but from the way you described your gender issues that may be for the best, I have a lot of friends who hadn’t reconciled their identity yet and rushed into sexual relationships because they felt they needed to or it was expected and it really hurt them or set them back, I think inside the struggles you’ve been having is a good awareness you may not be in the right space right now for sex.

Sex is a tough one because everyone’s relationship to it is vastly different. I talk a lot about casual relationships and short flings but it’s not a one size fits all either so don’t let the way I talk about it influence how you want to approach your sex life, now or in the future.

Lastly, I’m not gonna tell you to kill yourself because despite appearances I am a less caustically hostile rude asshole now than I have been on here, we could charitably call it personal growth. You’re in a rough place in your life, just like a lot of our community, and that’s both perfectly understandable and not at all a moral failing. Ultimately, if you’re looking for a guide on sex I’m a bad person to come to because I have what I think for most people would be a pretty unhealthy relationship with it. It works for me and when it doesn’t I seek out longer, more serious relationships, but each person is different. Focus on yourself and doing the things you need to do to become more comfortable with yourself first and you’ll find that it unlocks sexuality in a huge way. For me, that unlocking came in high school when I realized I really fit in well with the freewheeling casual stuff, but like I’m sure I’ve said in here before, it’s not a one size fits all. You’re doing fine

[seventhemaverick]

Astro Observations 2 🪽

Thank you for 120+ followers!! <3 this post has opinions and personal observations. Don’t take it too serious my babies. I love ur feedback. Please be kind, inform me otherwise!

☁️ I love how many people in the Astrology community are Scorpio risings, have dominant scorpio/8H placements/degrees, strong pluto influence like we’re all trying to find the meaning to all the f*ck shit that happens in our lives

☁️ Another dominance that I see in a natal chart that is really into these practices is Uranus and Neptune.

☁️ Lilith dominance in a natal chart can be rough especially when they make conjunctions to mars or Pluto. Men can sometimes be so mean to you especially when you both are around other people and you’re just like what just happened 😃? You were just telling me your deepest secrets and desires?? Odd… Á la poubelle 🚮

☁️ Speaking of Lilith, I get annoyed hearing that certain asteroids like Lilith and Chiron aren’t considered a part of a stellium 🙄 because if you can have Lilith dominance in your chart you should be able to consider it a part of your stellium as well? Same with Chiron. If there’s many aspects to those signs as well and if everything is energetically interconnected like astrology tries to show us, you would think those two asteroids at most would be considered. Especially because these asteroids play significant roles in HEALING *cough Chiron cough* and stepping into your power (Lilith). Both asteroids take a shorter amount of time to orbit the sun than most outer planets and some inner planets likeee cmon y’all.. me complaining because I’d technically have a Sagittarius stellium if Chiron and Lilith was included

☁️ Whatever quadrant(s) the majority of your placements fall in is what you are meant to focus on in this life. In the last quadrant, your focus could be on the world around you, humanitarian causes. A lot of planets in your first quadrant your mission in this lifetime is to be more self focused.

☁️ Intercepted houses are interesting... I’m very thankful I don’t have them because my chart is already 😀😗 .. yea. But I realized I’ve come across a lot of people with them and those houses if you don’t know already have a lot of focus on the house it pertains to. Example: intercepted houses in the 1st and 7th house means one of your life’s mission is learning how to assert yourself, set boundaries, find balance in relationships and your free time.

☁️ People that have intercepted houses usually attract people that has signs that rule those houses to teach them significant life lessons. So if you have 1st and 7th intercepted you’ll have someone who probably has Aries/libra in big three or within their chart , if you have 2nd and 8th you’ll attract someone with Taurus/Scorpio in big three or in their chart etc etc

☁️ If you’re feeling unstable it’s best to connect with the element you have most dominant in your chart. Whether it’s literally connecting to that element by physically interacting with it or you are doing the themes in relation to that element. This also applies to whatever sign your mars is in. Surrounding yourself with the element associated with your mars can allow you to release and ground yourself.

☁️ For instance, if you have a lot of water in your chart/water mars, swimming or being by the water and journaling, drawing, whatever creative outlet feels most healing to you by the water can bring you some peace. Talking to the ocean, lake, etc. can be grounding and if you’re really into esoteric practices you can give the water an offering in exchange for peace of mind. Earth, going on a hike, feeling the earth (not concrete yuck) with your bare soles/palms can be helpful, hugging and talking to trees. (Side note fun fact, removing vines that are wrapping a tree is also like an offering because vines growing around trees are invasive and preventing it from receiving sunlight, ultimately killing it. Save your local trees!! I see this as a form of an offering as well) Mother trees will help you most. Fire, first and foremost please be careful. Secondly, working with candles can be very healing and watching the light, taking walks when it’s really sunny, sun bathing, solar plexus yoga could bring much peace. Sun bathing your yoni when the sun is at its peak :) it really works. Air, burning incense whilst having good air ventilation, journaling, stimulating activities like running or jogging while simultaneously working on the breath. Breath work, mental workouts like chess. I might do a post about all Mars signs and specific activity outlets. Lmk in the comments if you guys would be interested :)

☁️ To break out of your comfort zone, to attract newness into your life, connect with the element you have least in your chart!

☁️ The element you have least of is what you tend to attract in others

☁️ People that connect more to sidereal astrology usually have some old soul-ness to them. I’ve observed it’s usually modern Astrology earth placements, mostly Taurus placements that tend to value that system more from what I’ve seen

☁️ I’ve noticed water sign placements/dominance like anime and k-pop a lot. Honorary mention is Aquarius but more towards anime.

☁️ I saw @harmoonix say this in one of their posts recently but this has been sitting in my drafts for over a month so I’m gonna agree and add on lol (love ur posts fr— trendsetter 💐) Aquarius placements, especially in the big 3, love video games. Love playing games on their phone and on a console. Love technology, it’s their safe space— a way to get away from the world. Aquarius does rule over technology! They’re the most tech savvy in the family. Their elders in their home relied on them for that stuff lol.

☁️ Sagittarius placements, esp mercury usually have different genres and languages of music in their catalog

☁️ For Sagittarius to be in detriment in Mercury that placement has many fantastic writers, poets, lyricists etc.

☁️ Earth placements, especially Capricorns can out smoke you. Out-any-substance you fr it’s actually crazy to witness 😂😂.

☁️ Your Groom (5129) or Briede (19029) in your natal chart can not only show the actual sign or house placements that your partner may have but the synastry overlays you both may have as well. For example you may have your groom asteroid in the sign virgo. Your spouses natal placements especially big 3 could have those planets fall into your sixth house. Virgo rules the sixth house.

☁️ This picture above is all Libra placements during this south node in Libra transit. The area Libra resides will show up and out! Villain era fr. Big 3 Libra placements will feel this way the most! This transit has me not giving ANY f*cks!

☁️ Your solar return rising sign is very important. It will tell you the themes that will take place in the new year ahead. For example: Virgo rising in your solar return has you more work and health focused. Should I make a post about solar return risings lmk in the comments!

☁️ It’s also interesting that your rising and moon sign in your solar return chart can pertain who you most come into contact with during. So if your rising is Leo that year you’ll probably befriend, get closer to, date many Leo’s or people that have Leo placements/degrees in their chart :). I can confirm that within each ascendant I have had in my returns since studying astrology the people I was closer to/in contact more with during the time period had those placements in big three especially.

☁️ not an observation but a statement of a dilemma of mine because I cannot choose between placidus and whole sign system. I deeply relate to both. I thankfully don’t have intercepted houses but I can see both sides to the placements in my chart and the different houses they reside in with both systems 😂 ok moving on

☁️ I use placidus house system mostly when I’m reading other people’s chart and whole sign when I’m reading compatibility charts

☁️ placidus is a better system to use for most people because we live in different hemispheres and that system caters to that imo

☁️ I realize most Pisces and Sagittarius placements loveeee green. It’s that Jupiter calling in that abundance!

☁️ Scorpio and Aries are ruled by mars and I have realized people with these placements like purple a lot. Capricorn placements tend to like purple too and cap is exalted in mars! Purple and black are associated with satur(n)day!

☁️ Saw an observation about sag mercuries always interrupt you and it’s true LMAO but they’re very passionate people and I think they just wanna get what they have to say off their chest

☁️ Sagittarius mercuries are the smartest Mercury sign imo.

☁️ Pisces placements especially in the big three are very crafty when it comes to talking their way out of being held accountable

☁️ Being around people that have the signs in your 2nd and 8th house can easily trigger you if you’re not actively working on healing your wounds

☁️ I haven’t met an air sign that doesn’t speak with their face and hands especially Gemini chile

☁️ Mars rules celibacy, Venus rules lust. I realize that people with strong Aries/Scorpio/Capricorn are not into having sex with multiple people simultaneously or can go long periods without having sex. They view sex as a very intimate activity.

☁️ hate to come down on my Venusians but Taurus and Libras and let’s not forget about my girl is exalted in Pisces! People with strong placements in these signs can be loyal but sometimes there can be wandering eyes. Like an itch they want to scratch so bad. Even if they’re very loyal in nature it’s more possible for them to flirt for fun or get into affairs more because they’re hedonistic in nature

☁️ when a Capricorn loves you they will always have your back and put into you financially to help your dreams come true. One of the most attentive , supportive people to have in your corner!

🪽 I wanted to post this sooner but I’m currently grieving the loss of my Capricorn dominant grandmother who was my closest confidant and greatest inspiration, about a month ago. She passed during her Saturn return and Uranus return. She lived an incredible life. Strongest, most fearless person I know. An entrepreneur who knew how to get it! Some people didn’t make it into the new year with us and I hope you know that you have now gained an angel. I’m grateful to the Tumblr astrology community for sharing their knowledge. Astrology really helps me make sense of the world and I’m happy that we all find peace in that. Sending my love and best wishes to you all. Thank you for reading and tuning in xoxo 🪽

[librarycards]

do you have any advice for trying to build/find a community? i’m autistic with pretty severe social anxiety and haven’t had friends since grade 5 (i’m 29 now). i don’t work atm and didn’t go to college due to ‘mental illness’ or whatever. i’m really clueless about how to find a support system or even make a friend but it sure would be beneficial right now i think

sure! a great way to start is to get on some of your local facebook pages, or even nextdoor - it can be a shitty place for neighborhood karens, but at least my local page has people talking about free stuff they're leaving on the curb, someone whose grandma needs a ride, a bake sale at the school, and even meetups dependent on age/interest/etc.

some more ideas, starting w the obligatory: GO TO THE LIBRARY! they have so much centralized info there. there is probably a book club, there is probably some kind of volunteer sign-up sheet. there are probably bored librarians who can help you find other stuff. at least in my area, there are also fairly regular non-university-affiliated things (i live in a college town) at local bars, cafes, and art spaces/studios - check to see if there are any local IG pages posting about these events. that's how i found out about a bunch of mine. libraries have events, too, as do local bookstores, and they're almost always free.

the suggestions i'm throwing out all have basically the same goal: mix with people you haven't met before. building bonds takes time, and the process only starts when you and someone else say hello to one another. you don't have to be besties ever. you don't necessarily have to stay close. but knowing one person who maybe likes the same book as you, or shares some other interest, leads to more people, and soon you know someone who has a car, someone who has an extra ironing board, someone who can host a get-together in their yard because everyone else is a renter. support systems aren't found. they're not easy or inevitable. they're built through collective engagement and practice! and they start, generally, by happenstance, when people put themselves in each others' way.

when i moved here alone in 2020, i met some of my now-closest friends not primarily through grad school events (which didn't happen bc of lockdowns and such) but through going to the park and saying hi outdoors; stocking food in our local free fridges, and meeting tinder-friend dates masked, 6 ft apart in random public places. we kept doing that and our relationships strengthened, as they do. these days, i meet people through the friends i have - through shared classes back when i was in coursework, through organizing/union stuff and volunteering, through the occasional social event i just kinda show up at and hope for the best. there's a degree of inertia to this stuff - it gets smoother the more you do it!

you are *NOT* the only person around you who needs a friend. i promise. people are really lonely and often scared to admit it, and this is a great time to connect with people who also feel the urgency of community + anxiety around making it happen.

[thebrightsilverlining]

P5X and the Importance of Community

There’s something interesting about how P5X is handling confidants. Obviously, I’ll have to wait until it gets officially localized, but there seems to be a running trend in regards to community.

See, X is different from P3,4, and 5 in that the protagonist did not move before the start of the game. There’s no adjusting to some new environment and meeting a bunch of people there. Wonder has lived here all his life. So making friends isn’t about becoming a part of a new place. Instead, it’s a signifier of Wonder’s change in attitude.

Wonder’s whole deal is that he was just kinda coasting through life. As the lyrics of Ambitions and Visions points out: “Act like I don’t care. Why even bother? That’s what I though then. Just another bluffer.” He was a go with the flow guy who couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort whose bitterness and lack of ambition was the reason why things weren’t going the way he wanted in life. A fact that he didn’t really want to admit.

But that changes when he becomes a Phantom Thief and he begins to actually put effort in and start caring. The whole idea of the Phantom Idols is that Wonder’s connection to the Sea of Souls allows him to see the potential in people. To see who they could be. Meaning he’s learning to shed his previous ambivalence and see people for who they really are and who they could become.

This becomes even more impactful, because he’s not in some new place with new people. He’s in his home, with most of the people having already been living there alongside him. So it’s not a matter of the world changing. It’s his perception of it that changes. It’s him realizing that the people he’d written off are actually pretty amazing.

So one of the confidants is his next door neighbor and his mom’s friend. Someone who was always around but he never bothered to really get to know. It’s his mom’s friend and they’re both old, what could possibly be interesting about that? They probably talk about whatever it is middle aged women talk about. Boring.

Except she’s not. Once he starts paying attention he finds out that she used to be a fashion designer. And she was good at it!? Not to mention those photos of her when she was younger. Who knew that Mrs. Tomiyama was COOL?!

And hey, did you know that she also has a nephew? Yeah, he’s only like a year older than you and he wants to be an actor someday. Gonna star on tv in Featherman and make so many people smile. If you’re getting to know Mrs. Tomiyama you should probably get to know him too. Who knows? You might even become friends.

And hey, what about that girl that’s always helping her father with running the local bar? You must’ve passed her by a million times by now and you’ve never spoken a word have you? Did you know that she wants to be a nurse when she grows up? Or that she’s planning to simply stay home instead so she can take care of her father with his back problem?

Or what about Yaoling Li? Did you even know that a college student from China had moved into the neighborhood? Right next to the Fujikawa residence! You know, where Yukimi lives? She’s your age, why did you never even try to become friends? But maybe it’s time to remedy that, especially if you’re both gonna befriend Yaoling, who is still struggling with the signage at the local market.

It’s all about the community. That community that’s always been there, that you just never bothered to pay attention to. The people so unique and varied, with dreams and aspirations and lives so complex you can barely imagine. That you could get to know, so long as you were willing to put in the effort to do so. And maybe, if you did, you might just find your life is better for it.

It’s a concept I find incredibly interesting, and one I really hope is done well in P5X. Because, if so, it might just be my favorite handling of confidants/social links yet.

[abalidoth]

Anon was looking for advice?

Right now: do something other than social media or reading the news. Play a game, pick up a hobby, go for a walk, try a new recipe, ground yourself in something. Let your brain process everything by putting it on the back burner, let it percolate. Remember that you do have a voice, that the worst thing you can do is check out, that the most radical thing you can do is be kind.

Next few weeks: Keep working on the things that bring you joy. Make plans for the future. Assess where you are and where you want to be — physically, mentally, personally, geographically. Schedule doctor’s appointments. Delete your Twitter. Make new friends, connect with old ones, talk to your neighbors, join a community group. If you have a supportive family, talk to them too. By propping up others, teaching others, reassuring others, you help yourself too. Find a mutual aid group. Keep your head up. Love yourself and don’t wallow in despair. Remember that you do have a voice, that the worst thing you can do is check out, that the most radical thing you can do is be kind.

Next few months: execute on the plans for the future. Keep going with those hobbies. Keep loving yourself. Read reliable, fact-based news. Delete your Twitter (for real this time). Bake bread for your neighbor. Celebrate the holidays. Buy concert tickets as far out as you can, give yourself things to look forward to. Volunteer at a community center. Take a class. Teach others about how us queers and faggots are just people too. Remember that you do have a voice, that the worst thing you can do is check out, that the most radical thing you can do is be kind.

Next 6 months: Keep executing your plans. Write your representatives. Plant a little garden. Learn an instrument. Go to a zoo. Keep reading fact-based news (AP, Reuters, ProPublica, NPR even though it’s a bit biased to the left). When the sun comes out, get some bread, cheese, apples, and grapes, put them in a basket, go for a gay little picnic. Don’t make another Twitter account. Stock up on meds. Learn a new TTRPG. Pick up a fibrecraft. Remember that you do have a voice, that the worst thing you can do is check out, that the most radical thing you can do is be kind.

Next 4 years: make little baby steps to move towards your plans. Keep building relationships. Vote in local elections. Volunteer for state or national elections. Recognize that you live in a stupendously large country with assloads of diversity. Love yourself. Lift up other people. Remember that you do have a voice, that the worst thing you can do is check out, that the most radical thing you can do is be kind.

Shit is going to be really really rough for many many people. But if you’re reading this, you can’t give up, you can’t give in, you have to keep going. If you’re trans, if you’re queer, if you’re a freak and a faggot, you have to live.

Full disclaimer that I live in western Washington state, I’m white, I have a tremendous amount of privilege. I do my damndest to help people and use my own privilege to help others. I’m not perfect nor infallible, but reach out if you need something.

And if you’re still reading this, I love you.

Thank you. That helps a lot.

[safety-pin-punk]

firstly, I love your blog and it's been a great resource to have as I've been learning abt punk! I hope you're well & ty for everything you do <3 do you have any advice for finding punk communities, both irl and online? I really wanna talk to ppl abt everything I'm learning and loving, but it's really hard to find communities. besides the landmine of trying to avoid nazi punks and the like, I don't rlly drink or anything so bars/clubs can be weird -teacupqueer/persie

Thank you so much!! I’m doing pretty well!

Finding Punk Communities Online:

I’ll be honest, I can really only speak on behalf of tumblr here. I don’t use other socials all that much.

But! If you want to find a fun awesome punk community on tumblr, you are already off to a great start! Find a punk blog you like or who has similar music taste, see who they reblog from and tag in their posts. I’ve met a LOT of really cool people this way on here! (Shoutout to @polyamorouspunk and @my-chemical-ratz whose blogs you should check out simply because they are cool people). And I’ve also met people who are in bands, or involved with bands (like @necromancy-savant and @dopamineband (who don’t use their tumblr anymore 😭)). I didn’t meet these people right away, it took a while of steady interaction with tumblr to build up these connections.

There are also Discord communities too, I don’t use discord much but I *think* (?) I saw a post go around a while ago where someone was starting up a punk discord server? Honestly maybe I’ll take the time to start one up, it might make me use Discord more lmao

Finding Punk Communities IRL:

Bars and clubs aren’t the only places to find punks!!

I’d recommend checking out any queer spaces in your area, I doubt it would surprise you to learn how often these two groups overlap.

Also! If you are near a city, chances are you have an underground scene somewhere. Google and Reddit are great resources to find the places punks gather in your city. For example: in my city theres a cafe and record shop that are popular among the alternative crowd that I never would have found without the use of Google.

Otherwise, what are your hobbies? If you like gardening/are into solar punk, see if theres a local gardening club! (I’d say a 50/50 chance of punk or karens tbh with this one).

Start up a book club at a local library that focuses on books like 1984 and Brave New World.

Go to gigs that arent at bars or clubs, I went to one back in February that was at an abandoned church, that was turned into a concert venue. The place was child friendly so there was no alcohol, but there were a lot of cool people there!

And the best tip I have for you to avoid nazis is to just know their symbols and signs. Do a bit of research on it and familiarize yourself with what to avoid

As always, other suggestions for anon are welcome!!

[beatingtheouijaboardallegations]

wish there are less people invested in one single narrative of nonspeaking / nonverbal identity.

feels like there many different “traditions” or something of nonverbal nonspeaking activists and each small community all says same thing, same origin story same definitions same words same talk points. and I understand this because we are all autistic! we are all echolalic we all echo language and ideas from the community we surround selves with. but find it really hard when echo words becomes ddogma becomes thing you can’t say differently and just assume everyone thinks same thing or else not really in group.

(going to try to use “nonspeaking” for first community and “nonverbal” for second community because that’s what each one of these communities usually prefer. language hard so sorry if don’t do this consistent.)

like if I go to one of I-ASC (international association on spell to communicate) conference or one of their neuro lyrical events online. as a nonspeaker since birth who does have experience of “learned language without having speech”, of people assume don’t understand anything until finally found way to express self that world understands, and people still doubt am really the one saying this. in some ways relate to these people much much more than people on here who mostly became nonspeaking later in life and have very different upbringing not raised as a person with a DD not grow up without speech. places like the I-ASC and the Spellers community and impAACt and local meet up group for nonspeakers feel like family to me, feel like my people who move and talk and live like me.

but. there things in these community that are very black and white. that just can’t relate to. don’t relate to mantra of “speech is motor, language cognitive” for example. or “it’s not about don’t understand or about I don’t want to, it’s about can’t make body do it.”. because my motor issues interact with language processing interact with cognitive stuff not able to neat separate. yes AAC is freedom but I still have to make a lot of compromises to express self with words. have to leave out a lot or (more often) add a lot unnecessary stuff because there things that brain stuck that just can’t say in a way people will understand.

think this is true for lots more nonspeaking people than organizations like these (which were started + run by speaking people and communication & regulation partners and SLPs) say is true. a lot of nonspeaking people in these communities encouraged by speaking people in movement to focus emphasize on “we don’t have intellectual disability we can communicate with words just as good as you can, the motor problems is all that there we don’t have any language problems .” because this is what parents and speaking autistics and well meaning allies/communication partners think is important. they think the way to value us and to say we feel and think and know and should have rights (which we should!) is to distance distance distance far far away from any associate with intellectual disabilities with language disabilities with cognitive disabilities with process differently.

so as long as can be acceptable enough nonspeaker to them they support. which does not feel like support. nonspeaking doesn’t mean non thinking but intellectual disability and language deficit and cognitive disability doesn’t mean non thinking too. and a lot of people in these communities do have more complicated relationships with language but are told by speaking people in these communities to not talk about that only talk about motor stuff or connect everything back to motor stuff. which doesn’t feel like support. feels like flatten make easier make more convenient.

and then when I go on tumblr and see the nonverbal people speaking out here. i started out not on social media mostly in offline AAC and speller advocacy and someone told me there was good community of autistics with good range of support needs on tumblr so I joined. and do find bigger range of autistic and nonverbal nonspeaking experiences able to talk about here. able to talk about mental illness & psychosis & dissociation (which even nonspeaking advocacy communities assume nonspeaking people don’t have these problems or not capable). able to talk about “challenging” behaviors that so so stigmatized. able to talk about language and cognitive stuff. able to talk about gender and queerness without be policed (a lot of professionals and communication support people in nonspeaking advocacy are weird conservative and don’t think can know our genders / sexualities even though always talk about presume competence. it weird.) just saw beautiful post about nonverbal trans experience with gender that I loved. really like that people with intellectual disability getting heard, that we challenge expectation to have “proper” writen language. speech therapy and even learning how to use AAC, learning how to use letterboard etc was always about correct every mistake, about fade prompting, about use grammar properly so other people think competent. and have been able to let go of that on here because the language norms are so so different.

but at the same time I feel like there lot more stuff that not useful. lot of focus on right words to say, a lot of calling out other blogs, a lot of trolls, lot of drama that really doesn’t exist in real life nonspeaking community. like frustrated when go in nonverbal or nonspeaking tag and most posts not about nonverbal people human rights or experience, but about words. specific about people saying go nonverbal, someone trying to say it’s good or someone trying to say it’s bad. every other post about someone ask for right word to say instead of “go nonverbal”, or list of other words to say. or people asking whether or not they’re nonverbal or semiverbal or lose speech. and even within nonverbal community on here lot more talk about words than about justice. or even about lived experience of be nonverbal. people forget that real world outside tumblr tags exist sometimes. that there people living without communication, people being deny communication, people in institutions, people without resources. and that there are ways to change that and to self advocate besides changing what word you call yourself.

not saying words not important. yes it is annoying and bad when people talk abouit going nonverbal and forget that we exist. yes am grateful to people who decide to change what word they call themself to not erase us. but frustrated with how there not really conversation, one opinion just take as The Nonverbal Opinion, just like how it is in offline nonspeaking / speller community.

not seem like these communities are interacting, are compare notes on experience are combine to synthesize into something better. into what community could be. community that leaves no one behind. community that doesn’t claim to speak for everyone, doesn’t claim account for all experiences but still says all nonspeakers exist and all deserve rights. doesn’t tell anyone “don’t talk about your experience with X because it doesn’t fit what we want to tell the world that nonspeaking people are like.” where everything able to be talked about without it ever make less true that all of us need respect and rights more than any one word / idea.

curious if anyone have ideas for how to make this community.

[starsignchaser]

@jegulus-microfic | June 1st | Pride | word count: 778 happy pride everyone!! no matter who you are, how you identify, who knows or who doesn't, I am so grateful I get to share this pride month with you. lots of love to you all <3

“Potter! Let’s go, Sirius is gonna kick your ass if we’re late!”

Unable to take his eyes away from his reflection, James grips the edge of the bathroom counter tightly.

“My ass? Why is he gonna leave you alone if we’re both late?” His voice comes out with the slightest tremor, no matter how hard he tries. Suddenly, a tuft of black curls appears to his right and he now stands shoulder to shoulder with his boyfriend. His lovely, beautiful, handsome, brave boyfriend. 

“No offense, babe, but you know he would never hurt a hair on my head,” Regulus smirks at him, making eye contact through the mirror. However, barely a second passes before the smirk drops, and a small crinkle forms between his eyebrows.

“What’s going on in there, huh?” The shorter boy turns towards James and pokes at his temple, “Are you feeling okay? We don’t have to go if you’re not up for it.”

But James knows that he doesn’t really mean that. This is their first pride parade as a couple and for all his dark mysterious silences, Regulus has been visibly excited about today for weeks now. From the parade itself to the community center booth they were meant to be volunteering at that afternoon, and especially the drag queen performances at their local dive bar that evening, James had never seen Regulus so openly enthusiastic about spending so much time in public. Yet, here he was feeling like his stomach was about to pop out of his eyeballs. 

“No, no. Of course, I’m up for it. We’re going to have a great time!” He’s trying his best to sound confident but he knows it’s not cutting it. Regulus grabs his hand and lays his other hand on his cheek, pulling his face down until their foreheads almost touch.

“Jamie, talk to me.” his boyfriend asks, rubbing his thumb along his cheekbone, just below the glitter James had rubbed on only a few minutes before. “You can tell me anything, whatever it is we can figure it out.”

“I don’t,” James squeezed his eyes shut, frustrated that he couldn’t find the words. “I’ve just… I’ve never gone to Pride before. I don’t feel like I belong, or - no, it’s not that, but what if I do something wrong? Or what if people can tell that I don’t fit in? You and Sirius and Remus have all gone to Pride before, you are so much more integrated into the community, you have so many connections, and I only just figured myself out this year! How am I- What am I-?”

“Breathe, baby. Take a deep breath with me, yeah?” Regulus brought James’ hand to his chest and took a deep breath, hoping it would force the taller boy to focus on his breathing. After a few seconds, James was able to breathe normally on his own.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve said something earlier, I just didn’t know how.” James winced and tried to step away but Regulus wouldn’t let him.

“Listen to me, love. You belong at Pride. You are meant to be there. You are just as much a part of this community as anyone else. You belong there for so many reasons but most importantly because you are a beautiful, wonderful, queer man. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, then they are the problem, they are the ones who don’t belong.” Regulus stepped closer, moving to wrap his arms around James’ waist.

“ And, baby,” he smiled, “my Pride would be incomplete without you. And if that means we spend Pride sitting on our couch watching shitty queer movies and making out, then that is what our Pride will be. And I will still be the happiest man on earth to celebrate it with you. But don’t hold yourself back from going to Pride because you think you “don’t belong” because I will tell Sirius and he’ll double kick your ass.” 

Even with tears prickling in his eyes, that finally got a bit of a giggle out of James. The weight that had been settling on his chest all morning was suddenly gone. He grabbed at his partner’s waist, squeezing at his hips, before dropping a kiss to the tip of Regulus’ nose. He could do this. He could do anything with this man by his side. 

“Thank you, my love. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You’d be just fine, darling. But I’m so happy that I’m lucky enough to be with you.” Regulus smiled, his eyes crinkling with his joy. 

“I love you, Reg.”

“I love you too, James. Now come on, we really have to go!”

[captain-mj]

Boyfriend Dungeon

This is more of a prologue as I mostly wanted to set it up and explain how the weapons and wielders work.

Roach excitedly packed, ready to spend the summer with his cousin Rocket. Mostly he was excited about just getting out of the area. He had never been to his cousin’s city and it sounded exciting. 

Roach was well aware of people that could turn into weapons, but he knew next to nothing about them. No one in his family was one nor was anyone else in his hometown that he knew about. That was fine, it just meant he was a little out of his element when it came to those kinds of talks. Apparently the new city was full of weapons. He couldn’t wait to meet one of them. 

Rocket picked him up from the airport, holding a giant sign and bouncing up and down. He pulled Roach right into a tight hug with a smile. 

“Gary!! It’s so nice to see you again.”

Roach squeezed him back before pulling back so he could sign. “Nice to see you too. Ready to go?”

Rocket nodded and helped him with his bags. “Thank you so much for coming. I really needed some help get everything moved.” The two departed with Rocket filling him in on a few things. He wasn’t normally so talkative but he was clearly glad to have Roach around. 

They spent a few hours unpacking Roach’s bags and putting everything away. Roach occasionally asked Rocket questions but he was trying to not make his interest in weapons too clear. He apparently was not subtle enough because Rocket caught on. 

“I’m glad you brought that up actually! I have someone I’d like you to meet!” Rocket seemed to almost buzz with anticipation. 

Roach tilted his head, indicating Rocket should continue. “He’s a guy I know. He’s a weapon. When I mentioned you’d be coming, he offered to show you how to wield.”

Roach jerked up with excitement, bouncing on his feet. He quickly finished everything as Rocket told him the details. 

The next morning, he actually got to meet Price. 

Price smiled at him immediately. “It’s very nice to meet you, Roach.” He offered his hand and Roach quickly shook back. 

Rocket smiled. “Most people here speak sign, it’s taught in the local school. It’s helpful for weapons to communicate whenever they’re shifted”

Price nodded and signed to Roach. “So we can communicate however you’re comfortable.”

Roach nodded and responded. “I’m fine with people talking to me. Just don’t like talking to others.” Don’t like did not quite match his situation, but Price seemed to understand that just fine. 

“That’s alright. We’ll work through it. It’s pretty simple. I shift into an double sided ax and you simply pick me up and start fighting.”

“....fighting?”

“Oh. Yes. There’s dungeons nearby that we’d be fighting in.”

Roach nodded. “What happens if you get hurt?”

“I won’t, don’t worry. If you get hurt, I’ll simply take you out.”

Roach nodded and motioned for Price to continue.

“So, it’s pretty simple. I turn into a weapon and you wield me. You’ll feel the connection pretty instantly. It’s better for friends and partners, but I’m used to showing younger wielders how to do this. It’s common for first time wielders to get hurt because they’re inexperienced, especially if they’re weapon is also inexperienced. My husband does the same thing for young weapons.”

Roach pushed down his disappointment that Price was married. The man was a clear dilf. He wasn’t wearing a ring, but he was probably nervous about losing it in a dungeon. 

“Once you find someone else you want to wield or even just want to stop, we can. But Rocket thought it would be good for you. Dungeons are really helpful because they help you face your fears.” 

Roach glanced at Rocket, glaring just a touch. “Whatever he said was probably a gross exaggeration.”

Rocket huffed a little. “I was trying my best! I just thought you could use a hobby and to talk to people. My aunt has told me all ab-”

Roach covered Rocket’s mouth and glared at Price who laughed. “Don’t worry. If you want to go now we can?”

Roach thought about it before nodding and getting up. “Meet you at the dungeon.”

Despite it being explained to him, it was still shocking to see Price disappear. He was just a beam of light for a moment before Rocket grabbed Roach’s hand and lifted it up. 

An axe formed in his hand. Beautiful and ornate. Something about him reminded Roach of old whiskey commercials. Something about the aesthetic. The gorgeous wood handling, gold etching along the blade itself.

Roach almost felt bad he would be using him to fight. 

Price spoke and it was a bit odd. It was like he was whispering in both of his ears. 

Roach didn’t respond, unable to really understand the words anyway. He slowly swung the axe to get a feeling for it. 

It took a while for him to get used to the way Price spoke to him. It sounded garbled at first but he eventually got used to it. 

Roach was surprised by how light Price felt. 

He stepped in to the dungeon now. It looked like an old mall. 

Monsters. Some looked like bundles of yarn. Others looked more like rings. 

The first one lunged at him and it was like Roach just understood something. He swung out immediately. The weapon went straight through them, splitting them and they fell to pieces. 

A grin spread across his face. 

This was going to be fun. 

They fell in to a bit of rhythm. It felt off, not quite in a lock step yet. 

Roach found himself forgetting he had a person in his hands. Each monster would bare it’s teeth and he’d cut straight through them. 

A weight was lifting off his chest. Though he didn’t understand what the fear these things were supposed to be, it felt good to slash at them. 

There was a rest area so Roach got himself a drink. He was right about to ask Price if he wanted one when he paused, seeing a dagger on the ground. It had a chunk missing out of the handle. 

He tapped along Price’s handle and Price shifted back immediately. He looked very concerned as he moved closer to the dagger. Unlike Price, there was no… ornateness. No beauty. It felt… dark. Like the person inside was sleeping.  

“Roach, pick him up for me.”

Roach wondered how he knew it was a guy as he picked the dagger up. 

A shock ran through him. Visceral and powerful. 

It wrapped through his veins. His head pounding. Nerves lighting up at the almost instant connection.

Not a weapon. Or even the weapon. 

His weapon. 

It wasn’t like Price’s voice where it was simply close to his ears. It was directly in his heads.

“Who are you?”

Just as quickly, the feeling was shredded from him. Ripped out in a way that almost felt painful. 

The man that appeared from the smoke. He was strange. Tall and masked and even without seeing him, he knew he was beautiful. 

Dark brown eyes looked at him. “How da-”

Price stepped between them. “Ghost, are you alright? Did your wielder leave you down here? That’s very irresponsible, I’d like their name to report them as soon as possible.”

“I…” Mystery man looked around. “I didn’t go in a dungeon. I was at home… I need to go.” He left as quickly as he appeared. 

Roach was already enamored and he knew without a doubt that he wanted to wield him and him specifically. 

Price glanced at him. “No. don’t even think about it. He is not going to be good for you.” 

[amateurvoltaire]

In one of your last posts you mentioned you were studying the civil war in Vandée. Have you ever seen the rather new movie "Vaincre ou Mourir" on the topic? If yes, what do you think of it? I was very curious to give it a try, hoping it's not the usual demonisation of the revolutionary government. Not that I expect it to be portrayed positively in a movie focused on the Vendéean insurgents pov, of course...

Thanks a lot for your question! It’s the first one I've ever received, and I’m really excited to dive into it. (I might have gone a bit overboard, so grab a coffee or a drink before you tackle this beast… TLDR at the bottom…)

I watched "Vaincre ou Mourir" a couple of months ago. Before I dive into my thoughts, the man himself would like a word:

All jokes aside, have you ever been to one of those medieval theme parks where they offer a "realistic" medieval show with dinner? As a kid, every summer, my parents took me to a jousting show at an Italian theme park. We'd watch two knights fight each other for an hour while being “medieval” and munching on chicken legs without any cutlery.

That's pretty much how I felt watching this movie: it’s flashy and fun but doesn’t have much going on underneath. It makes more sense when you discover that the film was funded by Puy du Feu, a large historical theme park in Vendée.

The context

And this is the thing: despite the Canal+ distribution, most of the production is local. The Vendée itself is often defined as a memory space (1), which can lead to a community feeling a special connection to their past. This is often reflected in local traditions, commemorations, and even political leanings. I remember watching an interview from the bicentenary where some locals said they don’t celebrate the 14th of July as a matter of principle—200 years later!

It’s also worth noting that the Vendée has a history of conservative and right-leaning political preferences, and Canal+ is also a right-leaning media outlet.

The Experts

Is it a documentary? Is it a fictional film? It's hard to say in the first few minutes.

The movie attempts to project historical accuracy by introducing four experts right at the start. If a film opens with such a direct appeal to authority, I tend to scrutinise who these experts are. So, who are they?

Reynald Secher: a historian who has been a massive proponent of the Vandean genocide theory. He is very anti-Republican, and his research methodologies are rather sketchy…

Nicolas Delahaye: I don’t know much about him, but I see he publishes primarily regionally in a Vendean publishing house. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s particularly biased, but it does mean his audience is very limited to people with specific views.

Anne Rolland-Boulestreau: a historian at the Université Catholique de l’Ouest specialising in the Vendée counter-revolution. Her articles in the Annales Historiques de la Révolution Française seem unbiased and well-researched. I own one of her books but haven't read it yet, so I can't speak to her longer-form content.

Armand Bernand: if you google de la Rochejaquelein, you will find this guy everywhere. He owns a publishing house, loves the Château de la Durbelière (2), and wrote a series of books set there. He clearly has a historical crush on M. Henri. I think he cosplayed him during some re-enactments and wrote a book about Henri’s brother Auguste.

It’s worth mentioning they either hail from Vendée or work exclusively within the region. This is my bias speaking because I’ve pretty much read all his work, but if you make a movie about the Vendee and can’t get Jean-Clément Martin to say something on camera about it, you should probably not feature any experts…

The Story

After an awkward three minutes of experts telling us how important the revolution was and introducing Charette, we get to the actual movie, which opens with a pile of bodies, burnings, a hanged person, and an awkward first-person voiceover of Charette saying that they made the Vendee into an inferno. This will be a theme for the next hour or so.

If I were to describe this film in two words, "tragedy porn" would fit. What occurred in Vendée was horrific, and its rightly violent portrayal should help viewers understand and appreciate the human and historical impact. However, the film often prioritises shock value over explaining the underlying reasons.

Charette is, by all accounts, a very compelling subject. The guy was a libertine with bucket-loads of courage and style who had a woman as an aide de camp in 1793! Despite spending 1.5 hours with him, narrated from his perspective, I would be hard-pressed to tell you what he’s actually fighting for. Is it honour? Is it revenge? Is it stubbornness? Your guess is as good as mine!

There is absolutely no character growth whatsoever. The film presents as a sequence of battles and shocking scenes narrated by a somewhat detached Charette. Remember what I said about the medieval show? This shock-value approach might work for a short performance during dinner but falls flat when stretched across an entire film.

Despite the weak script, the actors are quite good. Nothing Oscar-worthy, but they can act. The guy that plays Charette does a very good job and is quite charismatic.

The Historical Accuracy

On the whole, I can’t see glaring historical errors. It is fairly historically accurate with some minor issues. This is obviously not an exhaustive list, but there are things I noticed and jotted down:

The main one is the bizarre theory that Charette agreed to the peace of 1795 because he was promised that Louis XVII would be handed to him. This has absolutely no credible historical basis whatsoever. It’s a myth that has been propagated for over 200 years.

I’m pretty sure Charette didn’t sign the treaty of La Jaunaye. In fact, as far as I remember, no one from the insurgent side signed it.

While not a historical inaccuracy per se, it's a missed opportunity that the film often portrays Charette as the sole leader of the Vendean army. Though he mentions being one chief among many, this aspect is quickly glossed over. His historical relationship with the Catholic and Royal Army and its leaders was complex and would have been interesting to explore further. It's a shame the film likely didn't have the budget to delve into this, as it could have also demonstrated that Vendée wasn't a monolith.

The depiction of the republican army as well-equipped is somewhat exaggerated. If they were as well-appointed as shown, Carnot and Prieur (Cote D’or) would be out of a job, and Saint-Just wouldn't have needed to requisition shoes for the army.

Lastly, the film underexplains the context of why the counter-revolution started. In my opinion, it manipulatively emphasises the king's execution more than warranted, suggesting it triggered the popular uprising when it really did not. The conflict in Vendée began as a peasant revolt, where the local population was far more concerned with religious issues than royal politics. Most Vendean peasants likely couldn't name the king—they probably knew he was a Louis since there had been a Louis on the throne for 200 years, but that's about it. Their concerns were local: when parish priests who had taken the civic oath replaced their traditional priests, and the Levée en masse was decreed, forcing them to fight random Germans 600 km away for a regime threatening their way of life, they rebelled.

Is the movie anti-Republican propaganda?

To wrap up, is the film anti-Republican? Frankly, I don’t believe it is overtly so. It adopts a somewhat clichéd stance: the revolution's ideals were noble, but things eventually went too far. While I have plenty of thoughts on this—which I'll keep to myself for now—I wouldn’t say this perspective is inherently anti-Republican.

Charette is depicted as initially supportive of the revolution, which is accurate for many aristocrats, especially the minor nobility. The portrayal of Republican soldiers is balanced, with General Jean-Pierre Travot sometimes appearing more honourable than Charette. As the main character, Charette is shown as lazy, indecisive, and sometimes brutal, so the film does not attempt to heroise him. The princes, especially Artois, are also depicted negatively. So, the film isn’t overtly royalist.

Is there a specific stance against the Government (aka the CSP)? I don’t recall them being mentioned, which, again, is accurate since most Vendeeans, including the nobility, were not deeply involved in Parisian politics.

That being said, Carrier and Turreau are portrayed very negatively, and rightfully so. Republican generals are also shown as less likely to spare the "brigands" when captured, which aligns with historical accounts. The movie leans heavily on shock value, featuring hard-to-watch scenes of executions, guillotines, and drownings. Unfortunately, even the staunchest republican historians would be hard-pressed to find the evidence to call those scenes revisionists.

Beyond that, the only thing that stood out to me about the Republicans is that they made Kleber look about 60 years old.

In conclusion, is this the most accurate film ever? Certainly not. Is it counter-revolutionary propaganda? I genuinely don’t think so, and if someone claims otherwise, they’re likely being disingenuous.

TLDR:

Watched the movie "Vaincre ou Mourir," which felt like a medieval theme park show—entertaining but lacking depth, probably due to its funding by an actual historical theme park. Despite its attempt to appear historically accurate with expert interviews, the film fails to deeply explore its characters or the complexities of the Vendée region's history. While it doesn't contain major historical inaccuracies, it oversimplifies the causes and events of the Vendée uprising, focusing more on visual shock than factual explanation. Not outright anti-Republican or counter-revolutionary, but doesn't offer new insights into anything. Overall, flashy but not as informative as it could be.

Notes

A memory space is defined as a location (physical or otherwise) where memories, histories, and narratives are preserved, shared, and understood within a society or culture. Things like museums, monuments, rituals, stories and in this case a region can be memory spaces

Château de la Durbelière was the home of La Rochejaquelein

PS: Thank you again for your question! I had a lot of fun answering it.

[elminx]

Witch Tips: 8 Ways To Advance Your Kitchen Witchery

Note here: as always, not all of these tips will work for everyone. Take what resonates with you and leave the rest. Where you are in life (how old you are, your budget, and where you live) will influence which of these are available. That’s okay.

One of my biggest frustrations with Kitchen Witch spaces online is that they are (almost always) simply a list of recipes or general kitchen correspondences. Sure, these are parts of kitchen witchery, but there’s more to it than that. I’ve decided to compile a list of things you can do to up the practical side of your craft. You’ll notice that these are not magical tips, per se, but tips on how to deepen your connection to the food you eat and craft with.

Join a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) Farmshare

I’m starting with the big guns here. A CSA is a way to buy a share of a local farm. You give the farmer money ahead of the season (often in the fall, but you can sometimes sign up year-round), and then you get weekly or monthly pickups of their produce all season long. There are so many ways this supports kitchen craft: you are supporting a local farm in your community, you are guaranteeing yourself local seasonal produce, and it’s a great way to save money.

CSAs tend to be a big investment up front, but the payoff is great – pound for pound, you don’t get those prices in a store. With some CSAs, you can go directly to the farm and choose some or all of what you take home, while others give you a premade box. Some deliver or have pickup points in major cities all over the country. Some come with pick-your-own herbs, tomatoes, and flowers. This is a better choice for an adventurous eater – you will encounter things you’ve never eaten! (If you’re a pickier eater, the next tip might be more your style) Some places have CSAs that include more than just vegs, too. In my area, I could sign up for a meat share, a fruit share, an egg share, and even a flower share!

Visit Your Local Farmer’s Markets

If you like complete control over what you eat but also like the idea of supporting local agriculture, farmer’s markets are a great place to start. You will find anything from in-season fresh-picked produce to eggs, meat, local honey, and more! They are also a great place to find fruit seconds during canning season. When you buy directly from a farm, the money goes into the farmer’s pockets, and the food is often cheaper without the grocer’s markup. Plus, you may get to talk to the people who grow your food, which is a big win in my book. This option is great because it does not involve a big investment like a CSA, and you can buy only what you will use.

Grow Your Own

If the above two options aren’t available to you, or you want to try out your green thumb, why not grow your own herbs, fruit, or veggies this season? I’m not suggesting starting a whole-scale garden if that’s not something you have ever done before – start small and manageable. Pick one thing you KNOW you will eat and grow that. This takes more planning because you must consider your space and time constraints. All plants need soil, light, and nutrients, but each has different needs. Most herbs, tomatoes, and peppers can be grown in containers in smaller spaces, while other plants need a lot of room to grow. A lack of outdoor space can be remedied with a few grow lights. If you’re starting for the first time, this is a list of herbs that are very easy to grow for beginners so long as you give them enough light to thrive: basil, cilantro/coriander, garden sage, lemon balm, mint, lavender, oregano, parsley, rosemary, and thyme.

This can be a really budget-friendly option, too! Many areas have active plant groups with friendly people who are very willing to donate an old grow pot and a start to a newbie gardener. Plus, if you’re growing it yourself, you don’t need to purchase it in a store.

Can, Freeze, Dry, Dehydrate, and Save

If you end up with a CSA or grow your own, there will likely be a point in the season when you have a bounty too large to consume. When we have enough, we share or save for later. This isn’t a manual on the best ways to preserve your harvest, but you definitely can preserve it for a later date. And, I promise you, nothing is more rewarding in the dead of winter than pulling out something you preserved in the height of summer. Your preservation methods will change depending on what you have an excess of. If you want to get into water bath canning, I suggest picking up any version of the Ball Blue Book, which gives you directions on safe canning methods. If you live in a dry climate, you can dry your herbs by hanging them, but if you’re like me and live in a humid zone, a dehydrator is a safe way to avoid pesky mold issues. Many fruits and vegetables can be frozen, cut up, or whole. Do some research here – you’ll be surprised by what you find.

Use Those Scraps

If you want to be frugal and more environmentally friendly, start keeping your kitchen scraps. Bones and leftover vegetable ends can be frozen and later turned into broth. Citrus peels can candied, dried, or infused into vinegar or vodka. Apple peels can be turned into pectin for jam or jelly making. The ends of tender herbs like cilantro, basil, and parsley can be pulsed into pestos and sauces. The rinds on parmesan cheese can be saved to add to soups or sauces for some extra umami. I could go on, and I’m sure there are a million uses for kitchen scraps I’ve never heard of. If you are interested in this, there are many folk magic resources about using what you already have, and that would be a good place to start. Being frugal saves money and keeps unnecessary waste out of landfills.

Compost

Speaking of landfills, how about keeping your vegetable scraps out of them altogether? Many improvements in composting have allowed it to be done in much smaller spaces. I have a postage stamp-sized backyard, but I have two large compost bins that I rotate using yearly so that one is always curing while the other is being filled up with new produce. Plus, I have natural fertilizer for my garden that came from my kitchen! If you don’t have outdoor space, devices on the market now can compost your kitchen scraps in a few hours. Some seem to be rated for bones, which is pretty cool. They still seem to be pricy, but it’s an option if you can afford it.

Make Your Own

Are you into baking? Did you know you can make your own vanilla extract by putting a vanilla bean into some vodka? It’s virtually eternally reusable because you simply refill the bottle every time you use it. (Sidenote: for a deeper flavor, sub in your favorite dark liquor for the vodka here) Now, you have vanilla extract, which is also vanilla vodka. This also works for other extracts (mint, coffee, and almonds come to mind), but you should research how long to infuse them. Do you love pies? You can make and can your own pie filling while the fruit is in season. Do you love tacos? Make your own salsa. This can really level up your witching because it gives you an extra chance to infuse your magic into your food – once while you prepare the base ingredients and again when you cook them into your meal.

Pick-Your-Own

There is nothing quite like making a strawberry shortcake from start to finish. For me, that starts in the strawberry fields. Picking the berries myself guarantees the best and freshest berries! And it creates a great link between me and the plant where it was growing. In my area, I can pick herbs, flowers, salad, tomatoes, and beans at my local farm share, but depending on the season, I can also find you-pick strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and apples. I try to take advantage of every one. This weekend, I’ll be staying near a you-pick lavender farm and will definitely be visiting there, too! Since you do the work to pick your own, the produce prices tend to be lower, too. This is a great way to get outdoors and connect with what you are cooking with where it is growing.

Wild Harvesting

This comes with several caveats: You ABSOLUTELY need to do your own research and be 100% sure of your plant identification before you eat anything you harvest from the wild. A mistake can literally kill you! If you have known food allergies, this is not the tip for you—trying any food you haven’t had before is a risk of an allergic reaction, so don’t risk it. Additionally, some wild foods are protected or endangered. Know before you harvest. Take only what you’ll use and leave some for the animals. Practice safe wild harvesting, too – avoid taking from places near major roads, cemeteries, or known hazardous waste dumping grounds for your own safety. On the other hand – harvest invasives to your heart’s content!

*************************

There are, of course, a million ways to kitchen witch and this is simply some of the ways that I like to connect more deeply with my food in all stages of its journey. How do YOU kitchen witch? I'd love to hear more about it - feel free to send me asks telling me what you like to do.

Do you like my work? You can tip me over on Kofi, commission me to write an astrological report for you, or signs up to be a monthly supporter of my writing.

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

Hello!

This is a humongous ask with a lot of context please please feel free to ignore😵‍💫

So I hold the hc that Ford is absolutely NPD, that Stanley has CPTSD and perhaps even BPD (we see him obsess over his FP throughout his entire life and while he represses as much as he can, it is still very clear that he feels DEEPLY either negative or positive emotions.)

I am in the middle of writing a fic where both men fall into the portal. If you are interested in understanding the premise, basically Bill fucks up by showing Ford exactly what happens during the some lowest moments of Stan's drifter years. Bill wants to destroy Ford's self worth and show him that he is a monster "just like Me"

The result being that Ford is wracked by Narcissistic injury. He contacts Stan, Stan comes, fight happens near the portal, Stan gets burned, but before Stan can push Ford into the portal, Ford rapid-fires some panic apologies and begs for forgiveness about .. everything. They are both physically fucked and by sheer bad luck end up falling through the portal just as they begin to communicate.

My AU is called Trust Falls

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/59665708)

At the moment in my writing I am working on the delayed reaction of Ford's narcissistic injury paired with the somewhat foreign to Ford idea that he has to not just rely on Stanley for both of them to survive but in fact Stan has skills and knowledge that Ford simply doesn't.

I am personally a BPD autistic person (with NPD people in my life that I love and I know love me) and I am struggling to properly represent Ford's internal struggle with this. I am also struggling to work in other NPD traits such as his manipulation of circumstances.

Another aspect to my story is that Ford is going to go through some pretty intense psychological trauma (think the Lamp story from reddit) and I want him to struggle to feel connected to his humanity, for some later healing when they get back to their home.

As an NPD person, do you have any recommendations on ways you would approach his injury and perhaps ways his ego would get them into trouble with locals around the multiverse?

I am trying really hard to not just simply ignore his NPD qualities in favor of "yay the boys can hug it out" bullshit narratives that I groan at.

I’ll try and do my best in wording all this, and will mostly be going off my own experience, so naturally I don’t speak for every narcissist, but I hope this can be of help anyway!

When it comes to writing and understanding Narcissistic Injuries, one of the most important thing to keep in mind is the root of it, as those will inform the character’s behaviours and reaction. The most common feelings related to Narcissistic Injury are things shame, humiliation, insecurity etc, and because we are usually unable of coping with that, and our view of ourself has just been challenged or even damaged, we turn those feelings elsewhere as a defence mechanism: anger is the most common response I find.

In Ford’s case, I imagine it’s only further worsened by the fact he has to rely on Stan. Honestly, that would probably piss me off if I was in his position. His self-worth has just been damaged beyond repair, which is already going to cause an array of negative emotions, and now, he’s been made even more vulnerable, with someone who simply put, knows more than him in this situation. It would be a blow to his pride.

I can see him doing things like refusing Stan’s help or going against what Stan tells him to do, believing he can handle a situation or do it better, lashing out and trying to prove his worth again, but he’ll likely only make himself feel worse in the process. It’s a horrible cycle to be stuck in.

You have to remember when writing that Ford’s response is only a shield, protecting himself from others but also his own feelings. He doesn’t want to acknowledge his own weakness. That’s just not an option. Every little disagreement in this state is going to be more than that to Ford — it’s going to be an insult. He may interpret Stan’s words as telling him he isn’t capable, or that he isn’t smart enough, when Stan is really just trying to help them both survive.

Hell, he’ll probably respond like this to most forms of assistance or locals trying to correct him, becoming snappy or defensive, insisting he knew that, or that they don’t need help, because he has it under control. I know for a fact I, even with how much I’ve improved my coping, still snap back with how I don’t need help, or that I was managing just fine, or that I actually intended to do that all along. It’s easier than just admitting you’re struggling.

I can see Ford pissing off a few people with that mindset.

It probably does help that a lot of this also stems from guilt, which means he likely feels responsible for Stan, and only grows more frustrated with himself when he can’t protect him.

Also Manipulation! I think I can word this one a bit easier I’m way more self-aware about that sort of thing.

The thing about manipulation with narcissism, is it isn’t always the obvious things. When manipulating a situation, it can be as simple as very intentional comments designed to garner attention or sympathy, although, intentional as it is, in my own experience, this tends to run on auto pilot. It just… is. You just do it. It’s also sometimes about speaking confidently enough that you convince people your idea is the better one, and thereby securing your own preferred outcome. Most times, it’s habit. Also, for me, and I think for Ford in this situation, manipulation is a way to regain control, if it helps to think of it like that?

Ford has to be in control, he has to be perfect, he has to be the smartest in the room, he has to be worth something, he has to make it up to Stan, otherwise, what has his life even been for?

Apologies if this is messy or doesn’t clear up certain things. It’s nearly 12am as I write this so I’m just balling it. I really appreciate you putting in the effort to write this kind of dynamic though!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

helpppppppp (/lh, /silly)

how do I tell the difference between:

sudden really strong friendship after years of the inherent isolation of being closeted, in addition to like more than a decade of ‘regular’ isolation, and being completely unused to having a *real* friendship that’s got an actual, deep, real, trusted connection instead of just being acquaintances - the emotions equivalent of being touch-starved ig?

person-focused hyperfixation?

heehoo fandom buddy

squish?????

I feel like a gross old crusty sponge that’s been dipped in water after months of sitting on the counter - it’s still gross, and the water’s made the gunk more obvious, but like - it’s a sponge again, instead of a fabric brick. And it craves moisture.

they’re the only real friend I’ve had in… I don’t remember how long. I love them so much, and I don’t know what kind.

and I’m scared of being wrong and messing this up.

(it’s 1:30 am as I write this, so I could also just be having Dumb Night Brain Feels-)

First I'd say very strong feelings in a situation like this is very normal. There's nothing wrong with having strong feelings for someone, whatever it ends up being. Sorting out exactly what you're feeling may take time, but should get easier as you keep socializing more.

One piece of advice I'd have is to maybe try and grow your social group a bit more. Not only will this help you feel less isolated, it'll also give you other people to compare and contrast feelings for and make you feel less vulnerable with this particular friendship (which should in turn actually help grow this friendship, since it will help you relax more and put less pressure on your friend and the relationship).

This is definitely something easier said than done. Making friends is a skill and it can be very hard when you're first starting, but the more you get out and put yourself out there the easier it gets. Consider looking into local events or hobby groups and see if anything appeals to you, or consider joining online communities where you can be social (discord servers can work well for this for example). Feel free to include your friend too if they're interested and able.

Otherwise that's awesome that you made a good friend! Having friends you can click with really is great when you find them.

All the best!

[rezcowgirl]

Make your friends draw things. For example: make them draw their favourite bird after 3 drinks. 

And then treasure them forever.

Corvid bloc power. I love that me and Jess basically drew the same thing, except her’s is a raven and mine is a crow with a peanut butter packet that I saw once (the…the one on the top left is supposed to be a crow, too. It was drawn by a 44 year old).

Alex also wrote: "ALEX. Dakota has friends" because I was saying that I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't believe I have friends...He's so thoughtful.

The only dress code was “wear your favourite socks”.  And the only request was "get sloshed on my schnapps" because we somehow ended up with THREE bottles of peppermint schnapps and I HATE that shit. But someone brought Poli Miele and made a 50/50 ratio shot with the schnapps and it weirdly worked?

About half of my friends don't drink, so I also offered two really nice proxies. I'm a wonderful host btw. Even if I fall ass first onto your face (you are welcome).

I slept for fifteen hours afterward, but I’d say the party was restorative. To my soul. Probably not to my body, but I can worry about that later. Falling into the laps of my friends trying to get around the kotatsu without upending everything, I was gifted one of those fleeting, shiny moments where I thought “I’m exactly where I need to be”. Those little affirmations mean a lot, because, um. If you haven’t figured it out, I’m not feeling that so strongly in my professional life. My SOCIAL life, though? Yay. 

Yay, when I actually get to see my friends and be social at least. I realize a big part of the grief of the last month has been compounded because I hadn’t seen anyone in weeks. I did go see Wicked with some friends the other week, but we all had to part right after.

Anyway, for the second time, the same person asked for my Tumblr. I really like her, but absolutely NO. So I said “OKAY! TELL ME YOUR SCREEN NAME!” and she was like “YAAAY” and she pulled out her phone, and I continued  “SO I CAN BLOCK YOU”. 

She was pissed. Pulled her phone to her chest, aghast at my rudeness. HAHAHAHA. YOU THOUGHT.

I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my venting space. It means a lot to me to have this place to sink all my anxieties into and to have impartial feedback when I most need it. (I stopped regular therapy last year lol. Lmao, even.)

This party was smaller than others, because there are some cracks though the group now. It’s only natural over a decade. This isn’t complaining (which I can and will continue to do). This is more of a reflection on friendship and navigating the murky, sludge waters of IRL community organizing.

These days, the majority of my local friends are people I gravitated toward in the local queer kink scene. My connections are through years of finding my feet as an awkward introvert that draws in other awkward introverts. I’m really good at pretending to be an awkward extrovert now. It came up at an event recently - a new person said “You don’t seem like an introvert” and I responded “YES I KNOW. I AM TRYING SO HARD HERE. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.” I never intended to be on the newbie welcoming committee, but after a decade I suppose this is also natural. My friend will blatantly bring shy new femme people over to me like “This is K", and the “you are welcome to hide behind her” is implied. And welcomed. Because I get it.

At this point, I’ve seen many of my friends through various life changes, as they’ve seen me through mine. Relationships change and end, some tensions rise and fall. Although most relationships have ended amicably, there was one recent breakup that was rough. I love both of them dearly, but they don’t want to be in the same room, which is: none of my business, and I respect that. But it DOES mean I have to cycle through invites. It’s a balancing act now. One person I love a lot was not invited. And that sucks. And I’m always torn between sending a message along the lines of: I hope there’s no hard feelings, but it’s _____’s turn”, or not saying anything at all. This time, I didn’t say anything at all (Was that right???).

I also vented about this briefly in the past, but earlier this year, I found out a person very close to me violated the consent of some people at a private event (that I was invited to, but I didn’t attend). Afterward, he didn’t tell me, and I only found out second hand months later. I was told the whole story in a public pool, and I was obviously livid, spiraling, and ended up calling my best friend while I was still dripping wet and she was out with her parents. I felt completely inconsolable, but she talked me down (I love her so much). 

I “invited” him to speak about it with me the next day. I admit it wasn’t so much an optional invite as much as it was “prove to me you are invested in this relationship and this community as I am”. Yes, it was to try and get some resolution, but the “invite” was extended with the huge caveat that I was very mad at him for not telling me and that our friendship was on thin ice. 

I don’t want to foster the kind of community that makes you feel you need to confess each of your fuck ups and self-flagellate, but with something like this, it did not fall under a regular caliber fuck-up. On top of hurting the people who were the victims, it came back to hurt me and Aries. Since I help organize events/vet people, she told me that some people were assuming that I was sweeping it under the rug/”taking his side”, keeping it quiet. I wasn’t. I didn’t KNOW about it.

It was shitty of him and he was 100% in the wrong, but given that in the months post-incident, he and the people directly involved came to a resolution, I was willing to forgive him. With the major warning that if something like this happened again, we would not be friends anymore. It was awkward. It was painful. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since. He’s pulled back from the community substantially because of it, and I am actually sad about that. I don’t need to hash out the fine details, but he’s not a bad person. But he made an inarguably bad decision.

Yes, I want a community where you are ALLOWED to fuck up, but a big part of post fuck-up needs to be accountability. He’s a conventionally attractive white cis dude. He was 100% gliding by via his privilege. No one said anything for months because he was someone generally considered untouchable, and to an extent, that feeling was also extended to me. No one confronted ME because they assumed I was fine with it, and that because I hold some authority (mostly arbitrary - but I DO), that I was also considered untouchable/unapproachable. I am so grateful to the person who did eventually tell me, she said she felt like she was hashing out drama and I made it very clear this IS NOT 'drama', but a very serious incident. I am sad it took so long for someone to talk to me. It was a failure at the foundations of our organizing. I told him all this, and I think it made it hurt a lot more than if I just gave him space to explain and apologize given that it was “resolved” with the people directly involved. But it was the truth. I know he respects me as someone who will tell the truth, and that designation would mean nothing if I didn’t in this instance.

I think a part of the reason the events we (‘we’ is much more than the two of us here FYI) coordinate together are generally respected is because they are highly vetted. Vetted to the point that some people in the wider community complain about it. You have to meet at least one of the organizers in person before you are given a location, which is what the most common complaint is about. And sure, it might seem over the top, but it stems from the history when another major organizer in the past was exposed for allowing MINORS at his parties on top of generally being an abusive POS. A lot of trans people felt unsafe/unwelcome, and someone was doxxed to their work. We TRY, which is the key word here. We fail, too.

I am really proud of the little hovel of freaks we have. I think we do a good job for the most part. But since my friend has stepped back, I’ve also grappled with wanting to do the same. I am not upset with anyone who is suspect of me because of his actions. I can totally understand the perception that I was ignoring the issue. The people closest to the incident now understand that I wasn’t aware until months afterward, and that I confronted him about it the day after I found out.

I don’t know if me and this person will ever be close again. And I’m sad. His wife is genuinely one of my favourite people, but I didn’t invite her to my party. Two of the people I invited don’t want to be around him, and it feels really awkward to be like “you can come, but leave your husband at home”. 

My parties are NOT kink parties, although people are welcome to wear whatever they want/or not want, as long as there is no bare ass on our couches. Someone might end up hogtied in a corner somewhere, but like, in a funsies practice way, not in a scene way.

I don’t feel guilty, but I feel reflective. Of course I can't make everyone happy. I don’t like asking people to “keep this one quiet” because I don’t want to hurt the feelings of people not invited, but even if they did find out, we’re all adults, all in our 30s+, and we can deal with it. I sometimes worry that this might devolve into some high school-esque clique drama, but then when I really think about it, these are all people that are my friends because I trust them. I think they know me better than that.

Anyway, someone did bring their mega-vanilla husband, which is generally fine as long as their partner briefs them with "People do what they want. You are probably going to see some tits."

But one of the first things he said when he came in was "IS THIS 'IN YOUR ROOM'?" and I was like "YESSSSS. 🤩🤩🤩🤩" and he said "I love their darker stuff - people really like Just Can't Get Enough and People are People but I don't fully get it" and I was like "😍😍😍😍".

He goes to Verboden Festival!!!!

I did not invite him to Friday's Depeche Mode night, though. If he's REALLY invested, he'll be there without me telling him about it. 😂 (I want to go alone.)

[bullet-prooflove]

City Boy: Che 'Taza' Romero

Tagging: @drabbles-mc @ficnation @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @withakindheartx

The first thing Taza notices about Ben is his ability to connect with other people.  The other man has an easy smile, and a laugh that resonates through his entire body, the kids flock to him and he makes the time for each and every one of them. It’s important in a community like theirs, parents are fighting tooth and nail to put food on the table, they send their kids to the community centre, to a place they know they’ll be supported and listened to.

He doesn’t realise he’s an LGBTQ counsellor at first, not until Riz explains it to him.

“Latinx LGBT youth are 45% more likely to attempt suicide compared to non- Latinx youth, it’s an epidemic.” The younger man tells him.

A lot of these kids don’t have a safe space to explore who they are, the community centre is trying to change that by becoming an affirming space, picking up the mantle where home and school can not.

Carmen’s brought Ben in to address that issue. He’s run successful programmes up in Boston, Detroit and Cincinnati and now he’s here in their little border town. Taza sees the disparity and it makes him wonder why Ben’s really here. Santo Padre shouldn’t even be a blip on his radar, not when he’s running programmes with big city money.

When he asks Carmen, she gives him a look, one that he’s become well acquainted with throughout their friendship.

“Ask him yourself.”

Taza decides to bite the bullet and do just that.

Ben’s in the midst of his lunch break Taza sits down across from him. He’s eating empanadas from the food truck outside and writing something down into a A5 notepad. His handwriting is neat and concise.

“You have questions.” He says in that gruff voice of his, closing the note pad and setting his pen down on top of it.

“Yea, a ton of them.” Taza responds, his arms crossed over this chest.

“You can ask me over a beer tonight.” Ben says as he finishes up his lunch. “I’ve got back-to-back sessions, starting in the next five minutes.”

This is how it starts, the thing between the two of them.

After the community centre has closed Taza finds himself standing in the garden that Lila helped create. There’s fairy lights entwined in the wooden struts that jut out of the ground, casting a warm glow across the space. In his hand, he holds a beer from the local brewery. It’s the one with the citrus tang, his favourite.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Ben says as he stands next to him. “You don’t get to see stars like this in the city.”

“I heard you were a city boy.” Taza returns, tilting his head so he can study the profile of Ben’s face.

He’s a handsome man. A full head of salt and pepper hair that Taza wants to run his fingers through, it matches the beard that lines his jaw. His shoulders are board, muscular like a boxer’s. Taza wonders if that’s what Ben does in his spare time.

It’s been twenty-five years since he’s felt this way about another man. He’s had fleeting attractions in the past, but this is different. It transcends physicality, he wants to know this man intimately. His thoughts, his feelings, his hopes, his dreams. He wants everything.

“I was.” Ben responds to Taza’s question before he gestures to the memorial bench underneath the fairy lights. One of the kids had taken his own life last year, Carmen had wanted to make sure he was remembered, and the bench was how she honoured him. Taza sits down alongside Ben, their knees bumping against each other lightly. “Small town living sits me better these days.”

“Why here?” Taza asks, gesturing at the landscape. “Santo Padres a big step down from the kinda cash you must have been pulling in the big city.”

“Not everything is about money.” Ben says quietly, his thumb scratching away the label of his beer bottle.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Taza points out as he watches the paper peel.

“No I didn’t.” Ben says as he reviews the skyline.

Silence falls between the two men. It’s a mild night, it’s light and balmy. The scent of Ben’s aftershave floats along the breeze, something earthy with a mandarin overtone. It’s intoxicating, rich and deep, Taza wants to spend the rest of the night breathing it in. He’s tired of being alone, of hiding the truth about who he really is.

“My partner died.” Ben says finally into the space between them. “I couldn’t stand living there without him, so I left.”

“I’m sorry.” Taza says softly.

He means it. He knows what it’s like to lose a piece of yourself. He thought he would spend the rest of his life with David and then El Palo murdered him.

“You didn’t kill him.” Ben says taking a sip of his beer.

“Someone else did?” Taza questions.

Ben runs a hand through his hair, a loose wave falls across his forehead and it takes everything in Taza not to reach out and brush it away.

“Yea.” Ben says as he stares straight ahead. “Someone did.”

“I lost a friend the same way back in 95.” Taza finds himself telling Ben. “It destroyed me.”

There must be something in the tone of his voice, he doesn’t realise he’s betrayed himself until Ben asks.

“Just a friend?”

It’s the first time he’s talked about David, he hasn’t breathed the other man’s name in over twenty years. It still hurts to think about him even after all this time, but there’s a catharsis in it because sitting here with Ben…

He knows the other man gets it. He might be the only other person in the world who does.

“I loved him.” Taza confesses into the darkness. “And he loved me.”

“Your club doesn’t know do they?” Ben says, taking a swig of his beer.

 Taza shakes his head.

“I’d appreciate it if it stays that way.”

“I’m not in the business of outing people.” Ben tells him as he leans back against the wood, his arm coming to rest along frame. “That’s not what I’m about.”

“This is probably the most honest I’ve been with anyone in twenty-five years.” Taza says quietly, rolling the beer bottle between his palms.

“That’s a long time to hold a secret.” Ben says as he tips his head towards Taza. “Let me ask you something, does it still need to be a secret?”

“I don’t know anymore.” Taza says as he studies the label of his beer bottle. “Five years ago, I would have said yes but now… Things are changing, we’re more involved in the community, in programmes like yours, I don’t know if it matters anymore.”

“Give it some thought.” Ben says as he raises to his feet, his hand lightly clasping Taza’s shoulder. “You might find it’s time to step into the light.”

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[antonarcana]

im another trans autistic person, how do u even meet ppl that u unknowly charm? im told im charismatic too but meeting ppl feels so difficult

I think my best advice is to find one local person (preferably a fellow autistic person/fellow trans person/ideally both) that you vibe with, establish a connection, and build your social circle from there! I had to start over on meeting people when I moved to my current city about 3 years ago, it takes time to build a social circle from the ground up, so don’t beat yourself up if it takes a while! If there are any gay bars/clubs near you that could be a good place to start, otherwise if your local area has any pride events try attending those and (and this can be hard, I know) start conversations with people. You’d be surprised at how easily you can make new friends in a setting like that (I made several new friends at pride last year) ! In general, once you’ve met one person: Now you have somebody to hang out with! Maybe they have friends they can introduce you to. And if you meet another person aside from them that you vibe with, introduce the two to each other; Now you have a little friend group!

If I misunderstood your question and you’re specifically looking for sex: Grindr has been really useful for me for no strings attached stuff (Although I’ve also met some friends there + Some regular friends with benefits), but it comes with it’s fair share of bullshit, so keep your block button finger ready and don’t be afraid to be picky with who you actually meet up with!

Generally my advice would be to seek out your local queer community either in person or online (both if possible) and just striking up conversations with people; I know that’s hard for a lot of people but it pays off!