#my appointment went well too
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he's. so. *cuteness aggression noises*
#rin rambles#he didnt text for the whole day but he messaged me before bed saying he didn't want to disturb my saturday but he hoped things went well#(he knows i had an appointment)#and then wished me goodnight#i'm#haydehdkshdkshdlshdlakdkhsd#he has no business being this cuteeeeeeeee ueueueueuhrkwhdksjd#ok ok i stop i'm acting too much like a schoolgirl crushing haRD#(dont blame me this is the first time i've felt something in that sense in the past few years ;w;)
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🍒
#mine#ts4#sims 4#the sims 4#simblr#sims#ofmd#ed#ofmd sims#i had an appointment w my psychiatrist 2day and it went rly well and im feelin rly good about it and myself rn 😂#she said she thinks i do have adhd and since i already take adhd meds (off label for treatment resistant depression) she said that it would#be a good idea to talk to my therapist abt this too#and we can adjust some therapy stuff to be more suitable#got a zoloft prescription for during ovulation because i guess that is supposed to help w/ pms#and she's gonna try and get my insurance to cover dyanavel so i can try that too#good things good things!#like. idk i feel like im on the cusp of something good and i NEVER feel this way lol#but this could maybe be part of the puzzle and one step closer to figuring myself out
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Still exhausted after his vet appointment this morning
#both he and dante went to get vaccinations and wellness checks#apparently goose has a slight heart murmur which is y'know.....concerning#and he also needs dental work which i already knew#and they both got blood and urine taken to do a ''senior wellness panel'' bc i'm very paranoid about my cats' health rn#goose is probably gonna have dental work done next month and needs to have tests done to try and figure out what's causing his heart murmur#so we're gonna have to spend a few thousand dollars to do all that which is not great#but i'd rather eat into my parents' savings to do preventative care than do it for emergency care that ultimately didn't help anyway like#with Tweak#meanwhile Dante's (at least outwardly) in perfect health i just need to start brushing his teeth cause he's getting some tartar#goose tag#my pets#cats#also goose was hiding in the corner for most of the appointment (when he wasn't being examined)#but when they took dante back to get a urine sample goose came out and was going around the whole exam room like he was looking for him 😭😭#also the vet couldn't get a good listen to dante's heart and lungs because he was purring too loud gsfjk
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do love how many of us bill cipher flatland truthers heard "when bill destroyed his home dimension, he killed everyone he'd ever known" and all simultaneously decided "well except kryptos. he knew kryptos. he kept kryptos :)"
#the circles trying to arrest bill for Dimension Crimes or w/e: can you explain your relationship to bill cipher#kryptos: i am bill's right hand arm. man. i'm bill cipher everything. his best friend. his confidant. his silly rabbit#the circles: his what#kryptos: his silly rabbit#the circles: ... his silly rabbit#kryptos: yes :)#the circles: is that what he calls you?#kryptos: no <3#i see so many interpretations of their dynamic but i think it's funny how it always basically boils down to well of COURSE he kept kryptos#even the people who are like 'he finds kryptos annoying as shit and rags on him whenever he can and hates him' are like#'but yeah no obviously he kept kryptos around!'#also while i have my own thoughts on their dynamic to the point it is the main point of my fic and kryptos is now the secondary lead#i do love that however you interpret him (friend acquaintance partner court appointed attorney family member WHATEVER) we're all just like#'he was there too :)'#i also think it's funny that someone felt so strongly about their own kryptos idea that they went hogwild on the wiki unsourced and was#just like 'ummmm they're related now! it was confirmed. source-- my divine knowledge :)' and then caused everyone to go HUH#until it was taken down#bill and kryptos are very much NOT related in my hcs like very very very much not#but i gotta hand it to you. as much as i disagree with the take#it takes guts to go on the fandom wiki with your random hc and go 'this is real trust me :)' and then dip
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hm. hit a parked car in a parking lot. never stepping foot in the driver's seat again and Also maybe Killing myself.
#i panicked and when i panic i forget left and right 😭😭😭#i feel so bad#and i am never driving again#my mom had an appointment but she didn't feel like she could drive so i did#all went well til i had to park#she yelled STOP and i forgot what side stop was#accidentally turned my blinker on too#should i just die
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every eye exam ive ever been to has been the most embarrassing moment of my life. i have this thing where i believe everything im doing is wrong the moment i walk in despite going to eye appointments consistently since 8 years old. what do you mean you changed the slide to just one letter whose gargantuan width fills the whole screen after i hesitantly read a single letter from a list of three huge letters on the screen. <- he means i can’t see. (i still couldn’t read the gargantuan letter)
#peach stuff#went to an eye appointment this year and it went fine except i feel like they fucked my shit because ive been feeling blind ever since#just like. worksheets and computer screens seeming blurry when i should be close enough to read it. street signs when im driving. that sort#and here i go in and they’re like well your prescription is the same. huh⁉️#but my doctor was like maybe they just didn’t add your astigmatism modifier to your contact lense#(<- making me sound like a cyborg which is kind of cool i guess)#and he was like ‘i bet mine is right though’ with this smug little look like okay middle aged white man! give me sass. serve#anyway i meant to go in and get new frames too but i forgot that i needed to say that so. no new glasses#but new contacts! which should be fine because that’s really what i need to see anyway
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...💇♀️
#so i went to the hairdresser's in september to get a trim after over a year of having NOTHING done to my hair#it was in suuuuuuuuch a poor condition but i loved how long it had gotten so i suffered through the summer#i just wasn't ready to say goodbye to my mermaid hair 🥺#(i should've got it done in the spring but didn't because. well. life i guess lol i wasn't feeling very well maybe)#and so when i finally went to get it done i asked the hairdresser to cut only what was necessary#fair enough i went home only to notice absolutely NOTHING had happened 🙃#i thought i could live with it until maybe later in the winter but i was getting so frustrated with how lifeless and tangled my hair was 😭#so i booked a new appointment at a different hairdresser (a new one has just opened near me)#and aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh my hair looks and feels SO much more healthier now!! 😭 nearly teared up at the hairdresser's feeling my new hair 😂#but at the same time i'm a bit 🥲 because it's quite a bit shorter now 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲#it's not short per se but aaaahhhh I'm having a minor identity crisis lol (no i'm not i'm just being dramatic 💅)#but it's definitely better this way. i love my hair and i'm never ever letting it get in such a terrible condition ever again 🤧#also i'm not going back to that other place again because it wasn't the first time the same person had done barely anything to my hair 🤨#i mean. i guess they just did what i had asked but...#with all the other hairdressers there's never been any problem when i told them to ''only take what's needed''#i guess she was just too cautious to take TOO much of the length of my hair but gurl what's the point if you only take like 1 cm 😐#with ''what's needed'' i obviously mean ''enough so i won't have to come back here next month'' :\#anyway! i'm happy and keep sniffing my hair (and giving myself a headache in the process) because the products they used smell so nice 💖#pointless ramblings hi yess i'm bored by theflyingfeeling
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had an eye doctor appointment since the one last year~~
my vision hasn't changed I think~~ is what they said.
insurance let me get new frames and lenses this year~~ so now I'll have 2 of the same prescription to wear~~
found some frames that match the pastel aesthetic i have going on, and the lens tint I have will work really well with them~~~
in bad news I've got a cataract in my good eye now~~~ as one of the nurses or someone helping me with glasses said "welcome to adulthood" so I guess that just happens huh?
if they ever wanted to operate on it; it'll be a last resort, so that hopefully nothing makes me lose the only vision that I have~~
hopefully it's not a fast growing one and messes with my vision really bad~~ :(
I don't want to lose what little vision I have~~~ I couldn't play video games anymore~~~ :(
I hope I'm not taking my vision for granted~~ I hope I'm not~~~ idek what that means tho right off hand~~
there's so much awesome stuff to see~~ sunsets, sun rises, clouds, rain, the plants that you're growing getting slowly bigger~~~ your sibling's adorably photogenic cat~~~~
I couldn't dream of losing the entirety of my vision :((((((
anxiety didn't get to me cause I finally took an "as needed" propranolol before the appointment~~~ and things went fine~~~
#personal#thoughts#thinking#vision#eye doctor appointment#legally blind#low vision#visually impaired#stuff went well I think#prescription for lenses hasn't changed since last year#the colour blindness test took me a second to do cause I couldn't read the first couple pages and I read the second wrong twice#new glasses lets go~~~#two weeks until I get em~~#in a cute pastel aesthetic too~~#and the lens tint works with them~~#so all around good stuff happened today#aside from learning about cataracts#and that I have one#hope it doesn't grow fast#i'm scared to lose my vision#hope I'm not taking it for granted and scared that I am#cataract#cataracts#<- what even is it? I'm afraid to look it up but will later anyway
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I WOULD get the most awful itch to write after months of not rly writing (tm2 scripting doesn’t count) during artfight huh 😔
#AUGHHH!! I want toWRITE#(sitting down to draw rn bc I have a huge list of charas I WANT RO DRAW BUT I WANT TO WRITE AT THE SAME TIME#WHY WAS I NOT BORN AN OCTOPUS SO I COULD MULTITASK WITH MANT ARMS)#I got back from the psych appointment a while ago and I’m kinda exhausted mentally from that so I’m not sure I could rly write even if I#want to lol#it went well it’s just that talking abt that kind of thing is exhausting and kind of embarrassing when it’s professionals like lol sorry my#brain sucks and then they ask well how does it suck. and that’s embarrassing somehow#guy made me do math too and that was actually so painfully embarrassing I ended up just kind of asking if we could skip that bc after like#several guesses I could NOT do basic math at the top of my head 😭#like sir we both see I’m struggling PLSS just mark this as a bad area and GO ON#he was so nice and that made it worse 🥲 djdkfkrjfk#anyway when art fight is done I will write something….#maybe finish that loz fic I still have as a wip ?? I was deeply mad at it and also totk pissed me off so bad I didn’t want to touch a loz#fic for a while for fear of taking my frustration out on it and turning a fic into a fixit rant fic 😭 it isn’t even a botw fic lmaoo theres#no need for that. but also I could fix her (bad video game) (totk not botw I love botw)#here’s 2 hoping echos of wisdom is good (PLEASE PLEASW BE GOOD RARE PLAYABLE ZELDA GAME)#(SO FEW LOZ GAMES LET U BE ZELDA I NEED U TO BE GOOD MY MENTAL HEALTH HIMGES ON U)#sanchoyorambles
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I learned what a bullet journal was by watching a few YouTube artists set theirs up and my algorithm spiraled out of control from there so I guess I have all the bujo influencers to thank for getting into it because it has been a godsend so far on my third attempt, but damn if the over emphasis on aesthetic over the actual practical organizational aspect of it doesn't rankle me a bit
[thirty rambling tags later] huh. I didn't know there was a thirty tag limit in all the years I've been on tumblr. Whatevs I can't copy paste the tags onto the main body because I'm on mobile and I don't want to write it out again so I'll just summarize the last bit here:
If you are browsing the bujo tag because you feel bullet journaling will help you but you feel intimated because you don't think you can make it look pretty, or that the bullet journal method could never help you because it looks exhausting or the inspo you see doesn't cover what you need, I am pleading with you to ignore all the pretty inspiration, take the most common and even original Ryder Carroll formats and spreads with a grain of salt and eliminate or change them as needed, and talk to people who have similar needs than you even if they don't bujo and suss out what's important to keep track of. My bujo is eighty percent important medical bullshit, because that's what I need more than a book tracker. You prolly have your own unique needs. And hell, if you want a book tracker then add a booktracker. It's your bujo to format and plan out.
So like if you want to start bullet journaling, go to Michaels and get a seven dollar Artist's Loft dot grid journal. Or a binder you have left over from school years past and print out your own dot grid paper if you have enough ink and paper and printer that can do double sided (Kevin McLeod's site I forget the name of has free adjustable dot and other grids I've used), or buy a pack of 8.5x11 dot grid paper, and grab a crappy hole punch that just barely does the job. Get yourself a nice pen you think looks and feels nice in your hand and on the paper–or if that doesn't matter to you go get pack of Bics or even pencil if that's what you prefer (I use a pencil for things I can't have be permanent, like temporary meds or the dates of yearly vaccines). If you're twitchy about messing up then get the cheapest wite out they have (but don't worry about messing up especially if you're not even showing it off to anybody). A cheap yellow highlighter if you think it'll help. And a ruler if straight lines are important to you. I lost mine so I just wobble my lines now I don't care (and it's marginally easier to get a line adjacent to straight with a dot grid)
Anyway. If you want to bullet journal but don't know where to start or how to make it pretty or how to make it work for your needs, just try it in the cheapest way possible and rearrange the guts of the bujo as you see fit. And don't worry about the optics as long as you can make sense of your methods and writing.
(and for the love of God if you're bipolar don't make an hourly mood tracker yes our moods can and will fluctuate throughout the day but goddamn was that a bitch to log and abandoned a few weeks after inking it out)
#i see this with in regular journaling/diary circles too#people saying 'i want to start a bujo/diary but I'm not good enough at art ☹️'#like more power to you if you can make it pretty but it shouldn't be the primary emphasis especially with how useful it is#(it's especially depressing with just regular diaries and journals because like. you're under no obligation to share that shit with anybody)#I'm on my third bujo attempt because i got overwhelmed with my first two because i didn't know how to customize it with me and my needs#the most i got about symptom tracking was like a weekly layout checking off if the criteria was hit#and mood tracking was like daily smiley or frowny face in the corner#like my siblings in planning that is not enough for my chronically ill bipolar ass lol#i went way overboard my first attempt with just mood tracking. i planned it out HOURLY. every week#and that got overwhelmingly tedious and i use overwhelmingly deliberately. so i just stopped mood tracking#and then the whole thing got overwhelming so i stopped it entirely#gave it another shot because my method of scheduling things and symptom tracking was to write appointments and symptoms on post its#and pray they didn't fall off and i could remember where i even put them#and i see a lot of doctors so that was a LOT post its to keep track of#so i did another bujo but had the same problem as lack of resources and inspo and how to make it work for my needs#plus future logs were hard to parse AND i often felt too tired to lay out a new month or two every time#so like there were just whole months and the symptoms and appointments within just missing and i might as well not even have a bujo#so i stopped that one too#FINALLY after a little bit more watching Ryder Carroll and looking at prefab medical planners that were still woefully inadequate#AND MORE IMPORTANTLY talking to my fellow chronically ill. mentally ill. disabled. or all three. friends on what i should jot down#i finally got a system that worked for me thus far#i got rid of even staples like future logs and just laid out a monthly calendar format because that was easier FOR ME#and i laid out the year in advance so i could still have the scheduling part of i was too tired to do entire layouts at the beginning of the#month#my mood tracker was merged with my symptom tracker and turned into a symptoms *list*#with a section for every specialist i see. mood stuff just went under psych/therapist#also i switched to a binder format instead of a bound book for even more flexibility#i can easily remove things i no longer need. i can rearrange what goes in what section. i can easily add more to a section before the next#bujo#bullet journal
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#guess whos back in therapy bby 😎#the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover#and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol#i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4#years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes.#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd#but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this#i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that#i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck#also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not#give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care#i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess#but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol#i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^#the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur#here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school#i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional#so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-]#but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her#also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im#dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide#unrelated
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"oh you don't actually want to be on meds, trust me I would know ^v^" well I also don't want to be depressed, Courtney
#vent#girl why are you assuming I would want to take meds if I didn't feel I needed them wtf#heard this comment one too many times and it's always from people that were able to get proper help and are on meds#it just feels hypocritical like there's an underlining message of don't be dramatic you don't have it THAT bad#anyways had my first appointment with a psychiatrist today it went surprisingly well#wyatt rambles
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thinking about my cozy bed waiting for me at home
#oh how i wish to be home#i’ve been out for too long#my appointment went well tho#so at least there’s that#jess rambles#text#kermit meme
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the least exertion brings on a fever please send me to the seaside for my health
#a butterfly obsesses#tired of the fevers it's so draining#especially having to go to work with a fever#I need to see the doctor again but what can I even ask them to look for#it's the same symptoms as before#well I guess it depends if my ears are congested again or not#that went away with some cold medicine but if it keeps coming back that might mean something#it probably is back my balance is atrocious lately#need to schedule an appointment tomorrow#need to sleep too but I'm waiting for my temp to go down#hard to sleep with a fever
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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I had a stressful (but good!!) day, goddamnit
#sillyposting#saw 3 clients today#each went well#I’m very behind in my notes which I need to finish by 10 am lol#but I’ll do that in the morning#and I had my first therapy appointment too#and she’s not so bad#thank god we aren’t doing CBT I would have screamed#we’re doing ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy)#I asked her about DBT bc I heard it may be good for autistic people and she said we can definitely incorporate dbt skills but her specialty#is ACT#which she said is probably more appropriate for my symptoms anyway#okay ma’am I will trust your professional judgement lol#hopefully you’re not lying bc it’s more convenient LMAO#anyway#I’m liking my job so far#it’s just a lot to keep up with so I hope I don’t get burnt out#alright bye
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