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#need to schedule an appointment tomorrow
abutterflyobsession · 10 months
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the least exertion brings on a fever please send me to the seaside for my health
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telomirage · 1 month
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I heard water drop into the basket of my washing machine, which is NOT ON RIGHT NOW, and I thought I was going to be sick! it's brand new! WHAT COULD BE WRONG! and then the water heater started loudly burbling, which I don't think I've ever heard it do before, so I texted my friend to ask what was "normal." and I checked my taps and then checked my email to find that they've shut water off to half the buildings in my complex 🥲 what started as a water main break in one building has now become even more of an emergency
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gynandromorph · 6 months
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the echocardiogram was... interesting. got to see and hear all sorts of my heart's innards, but i'm no cardiologist, so i have no idea what they meant
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mutalune · 3 months
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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miodiodavinci · 1 year
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undergoing self-immolation from stress
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seariii · 7 months
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The weird mix of being stressed out, happy and exhausted... Gonna have to organize once more to get all of this sorted
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Somebody tell me to stfu and go to bed pls
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zoekrystall · 9 months
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Did I ever complain abt that publicly idk anyways I need to get to the big city (2h to and 2h back, not much for the states but sure for me) and next to not wanting to bc cold, they gonna stab bc blood test and my body hates making that easy to locate (dif place but I will never forget the time I got stabbed like three times and still no blood so new appointment had to be made, I have a fear of needles otherwise it would be whatev), and even more risky bc gatherings were recently do I prob hate the most that like. I'm hungry.
I'm hungry and I suck at eating enough so I often go out w not much in my stomach. I survive but it sucks really bad that I can't either buy smth once I arrive to eat on the way back or pack smth to like eat on the journey bc no-one wears a mask and the virus stays rampant so I can't take my mask off until I'm back home. At the inbetween stop I maybe could but I rather won't risk anything. Esp in winter I could bring smth warm to drink w me at least but I rather don't in the crowd I gotta walk through. Least people are when I'm only a few mins away from home and at that point I can always just wait a bit longer.
Tbh I dread going outside and limit it to only shopping and appointments bc even if I could walk here prob somewhere without many people do I rather just stay indoors and try to limit irl reminders of how many people can't be bothered to care bc that just nosedives my mental health. It doesn't help that I still try to nudge my irl friends to care more.
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gothhyrax · 10 months
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ruvviks · 1 year
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you ever get so upset you just wanna fucking THROW UPPPP
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slut-jpeg · 1 year
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Fuck, fuck, fuck.
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jewish-space-laser · 1 year
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also not to be like, needy on the internet, but i’m having a hard night and i need to laugh so send me funny things. tik toks, jokes, i don’t care please please share and laugh with me
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six-of-ravens · 1 year
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finally made that list of things I want to do on my week-and-a-half off! It's mainly boring stuff: errands to run and super-early Christmas shopping and all that, or family stuff. My brain is complaining bc it's like "waaaah I just wanna spend a week on the couch playing video games!!" but I know from experience if I do that I'll feel like I wasted the week 😂 Also most of this stuff will only take a couple hours all told, I just decided to do it on my week off bc otherwise it'll be so hard to motivate myself to get out.
Last year when I took the week off I did a whole bunch of cooking and stocked up the freezer for a few weeks, which was a great idea, but since my holidays are right after Thanksgiving this year and the weather is still relatively warm, idk if I'll feel like cooking much. Still gonna try and stock the freezer up a bit tho!
(also yes I did get roped into doing work teambuilding on my week off. everyone got super hype for this VR room thing but then half the office was sick this week and there are people on vacation the next 3 weeks, so I caved and said I'd just meet them at the place. I have very little Get Out And Do Fun Things activities books anyways so I should just go and Have Fun. Not like I'd be paying for it...)
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lupismaris · 2 years
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The way shitty abusive jobs truly beat the fear of asking for the bare minimum of what you are allowed into you is deeply truly astounding
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yuribalisms · 2 years
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If someone could just like…. Stab me through the eye that would be great idk
#idk what it is about today but I feel… terrible#not physically just mentally#and not even in a way that’s easy to place I just want to lay in the floor and melt into it#tbh I think it is premature exhaustion and anxiety ABOUT the exhaustion#because tomorrow we have two new apartment tours#and then Thursday (which is my other day off this week) I have that first therapy appointment#so my brain is not classifying either of those days as actual ‘days off’#(and I mean they’re not they will both be extremely draining)#AND THEN one of the store’s big managers insisted on doing the schedule instead of letting our department manager do it#so it’s sooooo fucked up and I won’t have a day off until NEXT Thursday and he scheduled me a bunch of inconsistent morning/evening shifts#so…. I am…. going to have literally no free time for like two weeks straight#no time to decompress no time to do things I think are fun no time to catch up on sleep#and my mom keeps messaging me about getting a new car which yes I need a new car and I WANT a new car and I’m finally in a position to GET#a new car#but she’s like ‘you have to go test drive a bunch of cars to find the one you REALLY want and then we’ll negotiate for it with you’#but I cannot stress enough that I would genuinely rather kill myself than go to a dealer ship and test drive cars by myself#I also just do not give a shit about cars there is never going to be one I ‘love’ because cars are cars I just want one that functions#I don’t CARE which one it is or how it drives or what the fuck ever I will NEVER care#but she keeps insisting I do it and I know they won’t help me go negotiate if I don’t do this first 😭#and I have a dentist appointment for the first time in like three years in a couple weeks and I know I probably have so many cavities#from when I got super depressed for like four months and didn’t brush my teeth at all#and I am just so overwhelmed#new apartment hunting new car shopping new therapist dentist appointment AAAGGGHHHH#I thought it might be a good idea to do it all at once so it’s all over with and I don’t have to have like four month period where it’s just#hopping from one thing to the other#except now I am just exhausted and overwhelmed and grumpy and feel like I can’t handle ANY of it let alone all of it#maybe one of the new apartments will go well tomorrow so at least I can cross that off and budget new rent prices….#ugh#kaz rambles
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