#my adhd cannot sit here on this task

[swampndn]

Executive, we are not functioning

[actuallyadhd]

Why do my ADHD meds only help in making me able to get up every morning, instead of actually doing something for my ADHD symptoms?

After Ritalin didn't work at all, my psychiatrist put me on Vyvanse (50mg). I've been taking it for at least two years now, and it helped me beyond belief. But not in a 'aiding in concentration' way, instead, the only thing they do is not letting me go into a catatonic state all day.

Whenever I'm off my meds, I return to the same condition I was in before starting them: I can barely get up. It's a fatigue so intense I literally cannot do anything but the very basic, let alone study. I honestly cannot tell you how I survived so many years without it.

Yet, no matter how much they improve my quality of life (and though my sensory issues got more manageable), they don't do anything to aid in my studies. I still cannot focus on tasks, nor manage my hyperactivity (be it in a physical or mental level). I still get executive dysfunction, talk too much and too loud, can't sit still, have no restraint or self-control and am basically still the same inattentive, agitated person I always was. Am I just in a too-low dose, or there's something else wrong with me?

(Crossposted from Reddit. Sorry if this is too long, and feel free to take as long as you need to answer this!)

Sent December 8, 2023

There are a lot of different reasons this may be happening, and the first one that comes to mind is that your dose may be too low.

There is another aspect that's important, and that is the need to manage your expectations.

Medication doesn't make all of your ADHD symptoms go away. It doesn't make you neurotypical. It doesn't magically give you the skills you never learned due to ADHD stuff.

It sounds like you have quite severe ADHD (hi! Same here!), which makes every single little thing harder. But here's the Really Simplified Explanation about how meds help.

Let's say that a person's overall functioning can be rated on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is "completely neurotypical" and 10 is "completely non-functional".

Given this, your unmedicated ADHD is at a 7 or 8, and it sounds like your medication is pulling you to around a 5, or maybe a 4. This sounds awful, but what it does is give you the ability to actually learn the skills you need so that you stand a chance of being slightly more functional when you're off your meds.

The other part of this is that the Big Four (sleep, diet, exercise, & stress) also affect your functioning, and if any of them is out of whack then your medication won't be able to help as much. So having something screwing with you may put you at a 9, and then your meds will only be able to get you to a 6.

Things that may help with the issues you've listed here include active breaks, fidget toys, and lots of routines. We have lots of information about all of these here, but if you want specific information about any of it please feel free to ask.

Followers, what do you think about this situation? Do you have any advice?

-J

[bomberqueen17]

realizations

this is just me having medical realizations and again wishing I had someone to help me coordinate my medical care. I hear rumors some people use primary care physicians for this but mine doesn't do that kind of thing, so I'm writing things out here instead.

physical therapy:

shit got so busy last week that i fell off the wagon for the first time. I've only ever missed a single day of the thrice-weekly physical therapy exercises since I was first prescribed them in January; on two occasions I think I've wound up doing them only twice in a week. But last Tuesday, I woke up and did a few of them and then ran out of time, and then worked three twelve-hour days in a row, and a fourth day I worked six hours and then drove four more. And then I was visiting friends and had horrible menstrual cramps. So I just didn't climb back onto the wagon.

I haven't had bad sciatic nerve pain at any point during any of that. Sure, toward the end of the long days on my feet I was taking any opportunity to sit, and I was doing some of the pt stretches, and it's not that the sciatic nerve didn't hurt at all. But it didn't keep me up. And I now am back to a normal level of physical activity, and I slept in a bad position last night and am experiencing no consequences today.

I'll go back to them-- need to figure out today if I have an appointment tomorrow or Thursday first-- and I'm sure not saying the exercises caused the sciatic nerve pain-- but it sure is a fucking data point isn't it.

ADHD meds:

I have managed to take two doses of Ritalin about four times in the last two weeks. It used to be that I would at least really notice the first dose, but I've been faithful enough with it that at this point my body doesn't seem to react to it at all. I can't tell whether I've taken it, most days, and that means I don't notice it wearing off and I don't think to take the second one. I know it shouldn't work like that but it definitely doesn't. There have been days I've forgotten both doses, though, and there's no real difference in those days. And that time I tried to sew those bike shorts was one of my most obvious two-dose days.

I don't need help focusing my attention, which seems to be what the stimulants do. My manifestation of ADHD is not distraction. I have always been able to focus on a task. What I cannot do is initiate a task, change a task, or perform a sequence of tasks that depend on one another, beyond a very simple list structure. Last night I had to entirely admit defeat because coordinating a sequence of tasks was beyond me. It was an embarrassingly simple sequence of tasks: I had to drop my car off for service, and get dinner, and the hardest part was that I had to coordinate a person accompanying me in a second vehicle so I could get a ride home. And there was a time constraint, and I could not do any of it because I could not initiate the task of looking up which takeout restaurants were nearby. "Solve one thing at a time," Dude said, and proceeded to help me, but I said "i can't solve one thing at a time, because if I solve one thing I will not then be able to initiate the solving of the second thing, and then the second problem will derail the rest of my night."

On my own I would not have been able to feed myself dinner, I think. I would have had to abandon that very simple task as unsolvable. I simply could not hold two things in my mind long enough to consider it. It was absolutely stupid.

Relatedly I was trying to figure out how to calculate the sale price of an item, and it was 60% off the listed price, and I know to get 60% of something you multiply it by .6, so I was trying to do that and then subtract the number I got from the original number, and I tried it literally nine times without being able to remember the .6 result long enough to then type it back into the calculator. Yes, I know you can just times it by .4 instead now, and I also know that at any moment I could have gotten up and gotten a piece of paper, or gotten a second calculator, or taken a screenshot, but all of those solutions were so cumbersome and involved me abandoning my initial task that I could not figure out how to use them. I finally asked someone else and they told me the answer and also how to use the times .4 method, which I had considered but wasn't confident enough in.

All of this is related, I think, to me having basically no working memory. I cannot hold a thing in my mind while I contemplate a second thing. And I don't know if any ADHD medication would ever help with that. That is the root of almost all of my problems: I know, from long experience, that I have to continually maintain the single thing I am focused on in my mind, and if I try to think of any second thing, I either can't, or if I succeed, will lose the first thing irrevocably. So i can't use most of the problem-solving skills I know fine well how to use. I can't get fucking anything done. (I give amazing advice, always have, because I've spent a ton of time figuring out how to solve problems and then discovering that I can't actually use any of those methods successfully.) And, I can pretty conclusively state after these several months of experimentation: ADHD stimulant meds have zero effect on this problem.

I don't know if any meds have any effect on this problem. It may well be that there is nothing to be done for my condition, medication-wise. I guess I'm glad I was able to try medication, since it is such a miracle for so many people. I guess I'm just sad it wasn't a miracle for me. But it hasn't addressed any of my problems so I don't see a point in continuing it.

Possibly what I need is some other kind of therapy, some kind of like behavioral therapy or life coaching or something, I don't know. It would help me enormously, I think, to have a lifestyle with a predictable routine and very little dislocation, but that's not possible for me with my current job and life situation. And I don't know how to discover what kind of therapies even exist, and I know the psych provider I've been seeing will not be able to recommend anything in the three minutes we get per meeting. So I might just be out of options, now. But I guess I'm glad at least I tried.

I really wish I had some kind of doctor overseeing all of my medical care I could consult about this, but I don't, I only have the individual specialists. So I'm on my own and I'm just trying to work around my severe memory problems by writing things out, I guess.

Currently I am just going to have to accept that there's literally no way I'm going to be able to figure out how to get to Rochester and back this week, so I'm going to give up on retrieving my critical personal electronics and just wait until I head back to the farm to get them on my way through. Which sucks and I am sad about but I just don't know how to coordinate the logistics and incorporate that into my life, so I'm going to stop worrying about it. This is how I get through things: I just let almost everything go, and live with whatever I can pick up in the aftermath. C'est la vie!

Oh huh you can't add more tags onto posts once you've stopped adding them huh. Fascinating choice, Tumblr.

[frostwing213]

So, I've been questioning if I have ADHD

So I made a list of why and why I might not have it. I gave up partway though, so here's what's done

Why I might:

Constantly forgetting to eat, or not eating because I can't get myself to get up

Forgetting to drink, unless I have my full waterbottle next to me, then I'm Constantly drinking

So many half finished books

Very forgetful

Kinda like organizing sometimes, but only when I'm organizing things by like color or something and I can't get myself to get up and organize what needs to be done

Watches TV shows I've seen before while I work on my computer and scroll Tumblr on my phone

Never knowing what time it is, having no idea how long things will take, and sitting for "just a minute" and realizing 2 hours later

Means to set timers, but forgets. If I set a timer to do a task, sometimes I'll tell myself "Ok, just a second" and continue scrolling and I don't do the task

I cannot summerize to save my life and go on tangents

Sometimes I'll speak my train of thought and I end up on a totally different topic

I'm sitting here making this list rather than changing into comfortable pants like I wanted to... 2 hours ago?

Music in my head. All. The. Time.

I play music to go to sleep so I can distract my brain from my train of thought and actually sleep (Sometimes it works!)

I started writing this point, then added something to the pervious one and forgot what I was writing here

Sometimes I randomly feel like I have to move

A lot of times I get motivation to start a task so I start, then partway though the motivation is gone, like right now

I REMEMBERED WHAT THE EARLIER POINT WAS! I Constantly forget to hit start, or send, or stuff like that

I've had people ask me if I had ADHD, no prompting. Multiple times, multiple people

I've had people with ADHD go: Wouldn't be surprised. When I mention the possibility

Sometimes I get every aware of how I'm sitting and all the tiny pains. So I have to fix it

I definitely have things that seem like hyper fixations or special interests. Like, I remember something and suddenly Im obsessed for a few days at least

I got a guitar, have done two (youtube) lessons on it, and haven't touched it in weeks

I hate it when there are notifications on my phone's head thingy, but when I want to remember to answer something, I'll leave it there (Sometimes works)

My room is a mess and It should be easy to clean up, but I just don't want to, and I can't get the motivation

Clean laundry is currently sitting in my hamper, waiting to be put away

I have to Constantly remind myself to take a shower if I want it to happen

I need to eat some food and get more water, but Imma forget about this list if I get up

I'll stop in the middle of sentences/thoughts, and have to pause, retracing my thoughts to get back to it

I always get a crap ton of pencils at the beginning of the year, and they're all gone by the end

I loose things and always have to get them again when I need them.

I should not be given money and set loose to buy things on my own, I will buy candy and other food items unless stopped.

I can't stand silence (so lots of music playing) but I hate when things get too loud (sensory overstimulation??)

Homework is horrible because once I'm not in a class setting, I can't get the motivation/get distracted

I like creative writing and write pages and pages, but I get stuck on essays and are working g on them for hours to days, but it's like, the same thing?

If something leaves my vision, I forget about it easily

I paused writing this list to start the "Why I might not" list, then jumped back here (keep jumping back and forth)

I cannot take notes. Either it is everything the teacher says, or it is nothing.

Im smart, but I've been told I just need to apply myself more

I will get so stressed about something, but I can't get myself to do what needs to be done to fix it

If I don't want to do something, I have a lot of trouble to get myself to do it (maybe just me being lazy)

Even if I want to do something, I struggle with doing it

I give up on hard things easily

I'll get up to do something, pause to do something else, and forget about the original thing

Why I might not:

I'm good at tests

I'm an attention seeker, this may be me trying to make myself more special

I'm good at peopling (I think)

I'm a good listener

I don't struggle with eye contact or most people things

Becase I'm thinking about this so much, my brain may be overexatragting things

I'm sure some of the reasons I might are just normal people things and I need to deal with them

It feels like any symptoms have appeared recently(is. Well, some of them weren't there when I was a kid)

I enjoy school

I love reading

Since I have a little brother, I'm good at tuning out all noise when I'm reading.

I'm smart

Some things might just be me being lazy

Maybe some things are just flaws I need to work on

May add more stuff later

[not-poignant]

Hey there. Do you have any tips on how to stay consistent with writing, and how to stay focused on the task at hand?

Hi anon!

So firstly, I've answered versions of this question quite a few times so you might want to go into the 'Pia on Writing' tag because they'll be there.

A quick look has found:

How to write more words regularly - This one is good for just...straight up practical advice.

But I wanted to speak frankly which is - what works for me might not work for you! We all have different strengths and weaknesses and depending on how we orient towards writing depends on what those weaknesses are. For example, I need to learn how to take more breaks and rest more, and not write as much. The 'writing a lot and sometimes too much' comes pretty easily to me these days.

Not all writers are meant to be consistent writers. I don't have a daily habit and I haven't written anything at all in a week and a half. I have my monthly wordcount and that's it. Someone else might need to write or edit every day, in order to not lose sight of their projects. Someone else might need five intensive days a month. It will depend on their nature, their personality.

Not all writers have the same reasons behind why they can't stay focused on a task. I have ADHD, but I can also hyperfocus on characters and a storyline. Others have ADHD, and cannot hyperfocus on their characters or storyline long enough to finish a story. That's a problem I don't know how to remedy, because I don't have that kind of ADHD, so I've never had to 'solve' it before. Some writers are perfectionists which hamper them, I am not a perfectionist and I'd rather the thing be out in the world with some flaws, than on my computer talking to no one. I need the dopamine more than I need something to be perfect. So you see anon, sometimes the things that impact us just aren't universal, which means you need more specific advice. There will be perfectionist writers who will have lots of great advice, there will be ADHD writers who get bored of a story who have great advice. :D

What I will say is that pretty universally, writing consistently and staying focused are both like muscles in the body. I'm where I'm at today because I've had 9-10 years of practice doing this, and when you start out (which the above link addresses) you will need to aim more realistically and reasonably, and start there.

It's also worth having a really grounded sense of why you want to write more consistently / focus more on your writing. Is it for fun? Is it because you want to finish a project? Is that project something you'll feel good if you finish or are you over it? Is it because you want to make an income? (Have you considered there are approximately 40 billion easier ways to make an income?) Is it because you just want to see if you can do it?

Sitting down and thinking about your motivations here will help motivate you if you can keep your goals in mind. And it will also help clarify what you get out of writing in the first place.

Re: Staying focused. It depends on your distractions. I use music, that helps me. That might be terrible for you. I make sure I'm eating well - the brain needs carbs and fats, and my whole body needs protein and fibre - so I'll have a decent breakfast before starting out. Sleep is important. Drinking regularly is important. There's very basic things here which seem obvious that help a ton with concentration, but if you're not doing them, they're a good place to start. You'd be surprised how much just 'eating balanced meals, drinking regularly and sleeping enough hours' helps with concentration. Like, so much.

A friend of mine uses the Pomodoro method (that would drive me nuts), there's using write-ins like Twitch streams to basically 'body double' with other people who are writing at the same time (I find this very motivational). There's gamification like 4TheWords (love this site). There's 'I get to have a cookie if I write another 200 words.' There's 'actually I've lost focus because this part of the story might be broken and if I just do this the river will start to flow again' as a writing technique.

Mostly, you'll need the time and space to just amass the number of techniques you need to help with both focus and writing regularly. But in all of this, it's vital to be patient with yourself. You can't expect yourself to take a week to end up somewhere that someone else took 3 or 4 years to get to. And it won't be...consistent. Don't side-eye me or anything, but like, we're not meant to be machines, even people who write relatively consistently (like me) need breaks, get burnt out, get tired, are over it, and sometimes need brand new techniques to start working again. Knowing that it's not a linear upward curve of ever-increasing focus lets you also just...be compassionate and patient with yourself.

Oh yeah, because you'll have to get good at both of these too anon. :D Learning discipline and being firm with yourself can't work successfully if you also then mentally punish yourself for not doing it 'well enough' to the point where you don't want to do it anymore. Cultivating the 'I'll try again tomorrow' or 'I did great today!' parts of your brain help a ton with consistency. If you know you're going to be kind to yourself for doing well, and firm but compassionate with yourself when you don't, all of this gets way, way easier.

[beevean]

And another thing!!!! (My mind is occupied by this topic a lot this morning lol) The people who put those headcanons on the characters only focus on the Fun UwU Quirky parts of being neurodivergent. The amount of times I've seen stories or art of the tremendous drawbacks having such neurodivergencies brings with it can be counted on one hand. It's always the "omg Sonic is so hyperactive he's totes ADHD he likes running and struggles to sit still!!" in a So Cute So Silly So Relatable way, never the "you cannot get anything done despite mentally SCREAMING at yourself to get up and do your tasks, you think everyone in your life can't stand you, you insert your foot in your mouth every time you speak, you can't finish a task to save your life" way. It truly makes me wonder how people who give every single character a Fun Quirky So Silly neurodivergency think, especially when they only focus on the endearing parts.

"If "neurotypicalness" is associated ... can have a personality too." It's exactly this! Why would I want to go around saying I'm straight if everyone immediately declares me a boring bigot because of that? Why would I tell anyone I'm not sure if I'm neurodivergent or neurotypical if the latter will immediately make me come off as someone with zero interests who is a dick to anyone even slightly off what is considered "the norm"? I wouldn't say people stating these things are directly harmful, especially because in real life people simply do not think and act like on Tumblr, but I do firmly believe that it is simply hurtful for people who fall in the 'bad' categories. (But then again, I am also firmly convinced that Tumblr has a general mindset of "They hurt us first so now we get to hurt them back, for justice!!!", completely ignoring they have no idea who the recipients are in their daily life and what they stand for, so...)

Also I was actually thinking the other day of the Sonic Chest Fur theory, and... Sample size of four people. Good job, y'all! I honestly think that claiming that you can give your Forces Avatar chest fur regardless of gender is a more solid claim about how chest fur is not male-exclusive than stating that Sonic is Totes Trans because he lacks it. And also, that argument has never stopped anyone from headcanoning Shadow and Silver as trans.... I'm curious what would happen if you brought up the Sonic Has No Chest Fur argument to state those two cannot be, were it not that I think it'd be equal to throwing a bomb straight into a hornet's nest.

I don't know what else to add, we're on the same page 😂

There is definitely a tendency to cutesify autism and ADHD here. I have neither, so I'd rather not insist too much and leave others to speak out, but even I know that both come with massive challenges. That's why they're called disorders! They don't have to be life-debilitating ofc, they're not curses, but I can imagine how some ND people might be irritated by others, especially fellow NDs, simply ignoring their struggles because they're not appealing. Ngl I'd find a realistic portrayal of Sonic with ADHD much more refreshing than the usual "hehe he's hyperactive he's just like me fr fr <3"

(at least, when I see people headcanon a character as for example having BPD, they do acknowledge the difficulties that come with the disorder)

And yes, I do realize that Tumblr is not real life. Apparently 90% of people here are both ND and LGBT+, the complete opposite of real life. I get it. I don't want to come off as "wanting to be oppressed so bad" or whatever, at this point I'm too old to care. But still, young people are being shaped on Tumblr and especially on its nastier little sibling Twitter, and I don't want teens to internalize that cishet NT people are boring shells of human beings at best and asshole bigots at worst.

Personally I'd sooner headcanon that Shadow and Silver are a different kind of hedgehog compared to Sonic - they both have fur and eye markings, plus a similar eye shape, it's interesting. I also have... opinions on how generally trans Sonic is portrayed, but eh, I think I'm being problematic enough :V

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

9, 12, and 15?

Hi anon! Thanks for stopping by <3

Disability Asks~

9. how do you measure your energy? (spoons, battery, something else?)

I can't remember who or where, but a while back someone on the internet introduced me to a theory that more accurately describes my energy than spoon theory or battery ever did: ✨Ticket Theory✨.

Ticket Theory is similar to spoon theory, but more accurate for executive dysfunction and the thing where autistics/ADHDers have a lot of energy but can't do certain things. Here's how it works:

each ticket is one unit of energy

the tickets are each labeled with specific tasks or activities

the amount of tickets i get and what they're labeled with are never consistent or predictable

the tickets can and will expire quickly without warning

i cannot exchange, refund, or get back any tickets that aren't used before they expire

I have zero control over how many tickets I get and what task they will be labeled with or how long they will last

and i can only use a ticket for the task it is specifically labeled with.

For instance: it may have a lot of 'dishes' tickets, but no 'laundry' tickets, this means I may have a lot of energy, but no laundry is getting done while dishes will, no matter what I do. I may have a bunch of 'art' tickets, but no tickets for anything else, so even though I have a ton of energy the only thing getting done is art, despite how much I want and need to do tasks like cleaning or hygiene. and the worst one of all: I have tickets for everything, all the tasks and chores and activities- but the one thing I don't have a ticket for is getting out of bed. <- it's like having tickets for every ride at a theme park EXCEPT FOR A TICKET TO GET INTO THE PARK ITSELF, and it is so fucking frustrating.

This theory has been so helpful for explaining to impatient people or neurotypicals who just don't understand why I may have a lot of energy, but things I want to get done or need to get done won't get done no matter how much I want to or try. And it's honestly been more helpful to help myself understand what's going on in my head. Before being introduced to ticket theory, I used spoon theory, but it didn't quite fit and just made others more confused about my dysfunction and the randomness to my energy levels.

12. what's something (a struggle, a symptom, a weird phenomenon, or even a funny experience) people don't realize about your disability?

for my autism: pathological demand avoidance. for some reason, when a person asks or requests that I do something (even if they're very nice and polite)- my brain immediately perceives it as a threat or challenge, and all of the sudden I very much don't want to do the thing at all under any circumstance (even if i wanted to or was in the middle of doing said thing) to the point where i'll say "well now I don't want to do it", throw up my hands and not do it. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. no matter what the thing is. it's not so much of a struggle, it's mostly weird and a little funny.

for my adhd: waiting mode, I think. it's the thing where we adhders have a very important thing at a certain time (such as an appointment or interview), and for some reason under no circumstances can't I do anything while I am waiting, so I end up getting ready and then sitting for sometimes hours just waiting for when it's time for the thing. I can't do anything other than sit in anxious silence and wait, under any circumstance- not clean, not watch a movie, not work on something, NOTHING BUT WAIT. it's a bit of struggle and mainly a weird phenomenon.

15. what does disability pride mean to you?

For the most part- being unapologetically disabled, and very loudly telling the world "i don't have to change for you, I deserve to live a happy and full life just like everyone else, and you don't have the right to take that away from me."

Also self love. Lots and lots of self love and acceptance <33333

Thanks Anon!

[masquerading-as-a-genius]

@mikanashii "Does anyone have any personal advice or resources on how I should speak to someone to get diagnosed? I understand that going to a psychiatrist and saying "I think I have xyz because of ABC symptoms" will most likely make them not listen to you…so what do you do?"

Here's my personal advice from my journey from self-dxing ADHD to being treated for it by a psychiatrist:

Having a therapist to back you up helps. If you have an undiagnosed disorder, odds are you can benefit from some therapy anyways. Finding a therapist you get on with, and who has some experience with XYZ disorder can be tricky; but it's worth it if you can find one. Therapists aren't doctors and cannot diagnose you themselves, but if you speak to them about your symptoms, many will say "yes, you probably have XYZ, but you'll need to see a psychiatrist to officially diagnose". Also - being able to show you've tried Other Avenues of fixing your problems is a good way to show a psychiatrist you're worth taking seriously. In my case, that looked like trying every available non-stimulant ADHD medication first, and being in therapy for a long time before looking for a proper doctor's diagnosis.

Have a clear list of ways abc symptoms are negatively impacting your life. A patient who comes in an says "I feel hyperactive and get distracted, so I think I have ADHD, can you test me?" is less likely to be taken seriously than a patient who comes in and says "My whole life I've not been able to sit still, and it's caused problems with teachers in school, in church, in meetings, in concerts, etc. I've also been known to get distracted frequently, and it's caused problems because I keep burning food I forgot about in the pan, because I regularly cannot turn homework assignments in on time, because I keep going to do [important task] and then forgetting to do it and now it's too late, and I've tried keeping rigid to do lists but I keep losing the list. I've read that people with ADHD have similar experiences - I'd like to be evaluated to see if it's possible I have it."

Do *not* mention what you're hoping to get from your diagnosis. Maybe you're looking for medication, maybe accommodations, maybe therapy, maybe some insurance BS, whatever - don't offer that information up. Some psychiatrists would be cool with you saying "man i heard there's a pill that would solve my problems focusing on work, I REALLY wanna try it" and other psychiatrists would write that off as drug-seeking, so best not to risk it. This is part of why it's so important to lay out how it's negatively impacting you; if you show them the problem, they'll prescribe you the solution, which is most likely the things we don't mention. Sometimes they'll make you jump through a few hoops (non stimulant medications for ADHD). You decide how much you put up with.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Psychiatrists come in different flavors. MHNP (mental health nurse practitioners) are the most common psychiatric doctors people can access; however, they may not be able to diagnose you, or may not be able to prescribe you stimulants, so be wary of going to see them for things more complex than depression or anxiety(unless they have an MD behind them). Psychiatrists have an MD, and are full fledged doctors, and can prescribe as they please. However; when you find one, you can weed out the shitty psychs by doing your research. Finding a psychiatrist who has experience/expertise in XYZ disorder for your age group is really great. A lot of psychiatrists have websites these days where they talk about their goals and their practice. I chose my psychiatrist because he specifically mentioned that women are under-diagnosed with ADHD; I'm not a woman, but that showed me that he was up to date on research and understanding ADHD. A good psychiatrist does not shoot people down like the ones in the horror stories do. They listen and evaluate and try to figure out what's going on in your brain; and a large part of that is listening to how you're describing your experiences.

One last disclaimer - the US health system is pay to win. Good psychiatrists are costly, good exams are costly, good therapists are costly; and not shelling out of the Good ones the first time can mean wasting money on an unhelpful appointment and your time on a bad mental healthcare professional. It's also worth noting that once diagnosed and prescribed, you don't have to see the expensive psych forever; most general/family doctors are willing to Continue a prescription given by a psychiatrist, so long as they didn't give it to you the first time, especially if it's not something you're likely to get off of (i.e. ADHD medication that I will be taking until they rip it from my cold dead hands, as opposed to an antidepressant, which you may wanna stop if your symptoms improve).

Self Diagnosis

So apparently it’s time for another self dx info post because people are gross

INFO:

basics

self diagnosis isn’t looking at one post and going “hey thats me, im autistic”

self diagnosis includes research and introspection

self diagnosis of multiple disorders is reasonable - comorbidity is common (see: autism and ADHD, ADHD and SPD, many personality disorders with each other, though more than one is rarely diagnosed due to overlapping traits)

self diagnosis doesn’t take away resources from anyone

the only people who don’t take a disorder seriously “because of” self diagnosis don’t take it seriously anyway

the DSM is available online

it doesn’t matter if they’re wrong - if they’re self diagnosing it’s because they had a problem and the resources and coping mechanisms within ____ community helped them. 

re: doctors

many doctors refuse to diagnose

a lot of these reasons are racism and sexism

some traits/symptoms are internal and are therefore not seen by doctors

doctors diagnose based on behavior. people self-dx based on.. behavior.

re: racism, classism, sexism

many poc (especially black people) are diagnosed with “being {race}”

many people who are perceived as girls won’t be diagnosed because {sexist reason such as ‘girls cant get autism’ - yes thats a real reason people have been denied diagnosis}

going to a professional is expensive. it doesn’t matter if you were “obviously _____” or not - it’s expensive.

[inconsideratekidney]

11/12/24

hey y'all,

how is it hanging? it's hanging well for me. as of rn.

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so many eyes in this world. so many always looking. to think of the psychology of your eyes, they are your information recruits. being a sighted person, you are constantly searching for clues and pieces in your visual field to put together this crazy puzzle we call life. mine seem to work in overdrive and all the time. i am sick of using my eyes. i'd like to take a damn break every so often, but they are always picking up every single aspect of my environment and i can't get them to stop or the bugs yell at me.

if i am comfortable in my environment, i've noticed it calms down, but that can take a while or the right people or environment. it's either the adhd or anxiety or something that makes me act up when there are a lot of people around and it makes me feel like i have to survey the room and take everything in. it's a habit that ruins my way of existing on a populated campus. i love when places aren't full and busy, when i can sit down in a coffee shop almost alone or when there's no one in the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i dont wanna be done with college. i feel like since i'm considering not pursuing my second major anymore, i could have one less year here :( its so funny that all through high school i couldn't wait for it to be over as well. in the process i want to be done with something, but i enjoy the routine. while school is so difficult, i love having roommates and friends right next door. it's crazy to think how much i've taken all of this for granted. i do take notice of everything and i appreciate everything, but now that i'm nearing the end of my 2.5 years here, its kinda wild to think that i only have 1.5 years left. all of a sudden i'm feeling so nostalgic, but just like they did in inside out 2, we gotta push that shit down for now. it's not time yet!!!! oy va voy.

next semester i might get a car and wont have these terribly frigid walks home anymore or complain of the bus system. that is, if i pay for campus parking. i won't have to borrow anyone's car anymore or feel nervy every time i drive because it's the first time i've driven in over a week. it would be kinda nice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

every time something pops up up my brain, i think about it and it changes my track of focus. normal right? i forget what i was thinking about. consequently, i often forget things later on bc i lost them before even writing them down. this happens all the time and it's pretty typical for me. but what i never understand is that looming fear that i'm always forgetting something like super important. like what if i was supposed to be pursuing some hobby or mindset and i totally forgot about it. i have so many worried thoughts like this that wrack my brain. it's different than the usual "oh i forgot my headphones at home," it's more like "wait, i wanted to be more positive," "i wanted to stop cracking my knuckles," "where did that motivation go that i had an hour ago? i swear i'm into this task i'm doing aren't i?" "when did i say i wanted to finish this by? okay and then i have to really focus on something else, but i wanted to try to hyperfocus on this? no, it was the other thing...what other thing? wait, no. i thought i remembered...i can't tell if it was important or not, it sure feels important. i won't know until something big changes and i'm not ready...oh well." that kind of fear. the kind that i have no idea how to distinguish between losing something physical or leaving something behind at home.

i hate when people say to imagine yourself in a field, or hide your intrusive thoughts or thoughts you don't need to deal with in this vault, that cannot be broken, behind this painting on this wall. like, no i cannot i'm sorry. my brain knows there's no vault, no field. how will my thoughts stay in there? no they won't. i am certain that they will roam free and forget that they were supposed to "be in a box" hell i can't even remember what intrusive thoughts are until they recur constantly and affect me later on anyway, so how could i put them aside now? once they affect me they literally take control of me and i literally cannot get my brain to change its course so i just embrace it. i've had a lot of experience trying to embrace every thought that comes into my mind. i'm curious what other people think on this tbh, but for the most part i truly believe i should own every thought i have. when i have uncomfortable or intrusive thoughts, that's typically when i look up how to get rid of them and people are like, "it's normal, you don't have to acknowledge every thought that passes through your mind." and i'm like, yes. yes, i do. i wish i didn't, but when i ignore them they rise up and eat me alive. so, yeah -_-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

honestly i need to go to sleep, it's too late. i keep going to sleep at 1am and i never used to do that. the existential crises need to stop. i'm losing sleep and fucking up my times i go to sleep. i'm also fucking losing my mind every day from homework and a lack of free will. why can't i get a degree without doing any work, hmmmmmmm?? it's no fair. i want two degrees, but i barely can make enough effort for one. honestly, my whole major is questionable rn. idek why i'm doing what i'm doing. it's all unintelligible gibberish and sillyness in my brain. it's also the headaches that have really been pushing me over the edge lately. i think i'm going to go to sleep now, i'm doing it again. i've been pushing 2am recently, ugh.

goodnight, love y'all,

kD x(

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 563

Something in my brain clicked in the past two weeks.

A good portion of it was because of the ADHD medication, but not in the way most people would assume.

Here is the thing about taking ADHD medication, and having it work for you, after years of thinking you’re just kind of hopeless.

First, is that you realize that the long periods of time it had taken you to do fucking anything is not normal. Sitting like a bump on a log for 30 minutes, one hour… two hours… an ungodly amount of hours isn’t something most people do.

Second, this explains why my co-workers can have a job and have kids. I still think having both for myself is an overwhelming idea, but I now have a better idea of how they can manage it, because there is more time in the day than I realize.

Third, I am not as hopeless as I thought I was, and I’m slowly learning I am also not as lazy as I was led to believe.

Finally, having the medication work so starkly has given me permission to say, yes I have ADHD and I should email/text myself a reminder before I forget (you dumbass). Yes, I will call myself a dumbass, because for the past 20+ years I have unconsciously lived my life like I wouldn’t forget something the moment it left my brain matter. 

To be fair, for the most part, my memory has always been relatively good even outside of my fixations. There is a reason why I can do my job, because I have a good recall memory, however, I have a bad short term memory. If I get interrupted in the middle of doing something or I get told to do something but cannot do it right away there is less than 50% chance I will remember to do the thing.

Which was why, coming back to work, after a second week of being on the medication I decided, fuck this, I am emailing myself so I won’t forget. At least a dozen of those emails in my work inbox are probably from me. Either because I got interrupted and wanted to remember where I was at, or because I said I would do a thing but not doing it right that second.

It took a load off my brain I didn’t know existed, and it’s a practice I really need to learn to do more in my personal life.

(I also should maybe warn my co-workers to stop messaging me with tasks and email me instead as a default.)

[waywardtrek]

finding out glenn (my spirit animal) has adhd, while i sit here vibing with a wildly shaky leg, a never-ending to-do list of mundane tasks that i literally never stop complaining about, and my familiar omnipresent mild sense of dread and malaise all provides a certain level of vindication and resonance that one simply cannot find outside of the tumblr dot com arena let me tell you

[immaculating]

I'm so sorry for putting Tumblr back in its peak era, but i have to.

For me, at least. But maybe you can take something from this too.

We all went through something super dramatic and came out different in one way or another. Some people changed for the better, some people for the worst. A lot of people cam out of the COVID-19 pandemic with more social anxiety or experienced it for the first time (like me). Most of us sat and continue to occupy positions today which provide us with challenges and impact our day-to-day in unfavorable ways.

As I sit here writing this, I have a million other things I need to be doing--but I'm so tired. Physically tired--sleep deprived to the point where it's not even funny, mentally drained and exhausted. I've fallen behind in so many tasks and assignments. Yet, sometimes we have to be the person who allows ourselves to take a break and express our thoughts and articulate our emotions when no one else will. When the world is not giving you the kindness and consideration that you deserve, make sure to make time and space for yourself. Writing this will probably make my thoughts a lot clearer (well, I'm sleep deprived again, so maybe moreso...less cluttered). I just feel like so many thoughts are hanging over my head in a cloud that I don't have time to think about. But in the long run, really, it makes everything harder to navigate.

If you take anything away from this, give yourself the 5 minutes and a much needed break to do what you need to do for yourself, like I am doing now.

I transferred to a new university away from my hometown, a passion that I loved, a community that I loved to do my passion with, and almost everyone I knew. I've been in undergrad for damn near long enough to have (maybe) my graduates. I'm supposed to finally graduate this quarter.

But I'm just so tired...and anxious, and depressed. I know that it's much better to talk to a professional about this but I'm not able to right now. I work 20 hours per week, and go to school more than full time since my advisors pushed me to graduate earlier than everyone else I know graduating for no specific reason. One day, I was sitting in class an my heart rate on my watch rose to 155BPM--i wasn't doing anything, I was just sitting there anxious. I thought I was having a heart attack and drove to the hospital, staying overnight.

Anxiety is never something I've had to face in my day-to-day which impacts it at that level before. After COVID, however, I am anxious in all social situations and especially in an unfamiliar community (still fairly new to me because of the stay-at-home orders, remember?) This was supposed to be my last hurrah at a university experience after years of working through community college to transfer. And I moved away from everyone and everything I loved to sit in my room for two fucking years, gaining health problems and mental problems I didn't know would be popping up now after society has been opened back up for awhile.

And yet here I am when it matters most. The one class that is required specifically for graduation--I wrote the wrong deadline down. I'm embarrassed and scared to email my professor about it. I've had to meet with my other professors, too, about missing work and falling behind. Even in work I'm behind on work. I feel so bad but I genuinely felt like my birthday, two days ago, was too much for me to think about let alone celebrate--how do i pull myself out of this? how do i not blame myself? i have severe adhd impairment and because of my newfound anxiety heart rate, cannot take my medication without precaution. everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. and i'm so depressed.

i know this sounds like it went from maybe inspirational to a lot of whining, but honestly, i just need space to vocalize and vent. i don't know who else to talk to. i haven't made any friends since I've transferred.

anyway, i have to go try to tackle the never ending workload that i have in lieu of the past-due dates that are glaring at me at all times in my mind.

if you, too, are struggling friend--know that you're not alone. thanks for reading this far into my first (albeit mundane) post. I'll try to update the situation as it unfolds.

wish me luck, we'll make it through this. this too shall pass.

-the immaculator

[toallynotarobot]

Can people with ADHD force themselves to do something even if they're not motivated?

No—and neither can anyone else.

Motivation is a necessary precondition to doing things, and—here’s the reason it’s harmful to suggest people with ADHD force themselves to do things—being motivated to do things is people’s natural state. The problem for people with ADHD is not that we’re not motivated. It’s that motivation works differently for us, than for people without ADHD.

When someone who doesn’t have ADHD says something like “just make yourself do it,” or “I have to do boring things that I hate, too,” what they are failing to acknowledge is: they do actually feel motivated to do those things. They might not like them much; they may not enjoy the task, in its own right. But one way or another—because of its importance to them, or to someone they care about; because of how it aligns with their own values; because they see it as necessary to have the kind of life they want; because it’s one of a hundred boring, aversive steps that will eventually, months or years from now, get them something they really want—people without ADHD are motivated to do the thing.

Those of us with ADHD are not, and cannot make ourselves be motivated by how important something is, how much it aligns with our values, how necessary a contributor it is to our own long-term well-being, how intensely someone else wants us to do it—and that is a frequent source of frustration and disappointment to the people in our lives. And also: try to sit for a moment with how that is, for someone with ADHD. Like: imagine that you still care about all the things you care about. You want the things that you want now. You love the people you love, and want them to be happy and proud of you, and to feel cared-for by you. You want to be the person who runs early to the meeting, who remembers everything they need for work or school, who is prepared for the important moments in their life. You want to remember birthdays and anniversaries, to balance all your essential commitments, to pay the bills on time, to live in a space that is welcoming and comfortable, and at least tidy enough to be usable.

And it’s a crapshoot, every single time that you set out to act on those values or desires, whether anything at all will happen. Your brain is like a shiny new sports car with a broken ignition switch—if you can just get it to turn over, you can do all kinds of things. This only adds to the frustration—your own and everyone else’s—because people see how quickly and efficiently you can get around… sometimes. And from outside the car, it isn’t obvious that the ignition is the problem. It just looks like you’re sitting there in the driveway, fucking around.

So everyone standing outside our brains, saying “just try harder,” or “if you really cared, you would…” or “have you tried using an agenda?” Might as well be banging on the windows of that sports car, like, “when was your last oil change,” and “why don’t you love me enough to drive to my birthday party,” and “just push down on the accelerator, already!” It’s understandable—to a point—but none of it is usable or actionable to the guy sitting in the car that won’t start. This, incidentally, is why you’ll sometimes hear people with ADHD say that we’re trying to do something, or we tried to do something, when that appears to be an outright lie. We are trying—jiggling that key in the switch, turning the ignition over and over, hoping against hope that the damn car will start.

What works for people with ADHD, relative to motivation, is fundamentally different from what works for people without ADHD. “Important” doesn’t kick it into gear; “urgent” does. “Consistent with my values and necessary to my well-being” doesn’t work; “interesting” does. And even something like “straightforward, easy, and well-practiced” can be our enemy—novelty works on our brains far better than repetition.

Most of us don’t love this, either. And particularly for adults with ADHD, who weren’t diagnosed or treated in childhood—a lot of the early work isn’t even about dealing directly with that stuff. It’s about getting past our sense that we “should” cope with it in the way that people without ADHD do. Because, again, we can’t. Telling someone with ADHD that they have to somehow drum up motivation in a way that their brain doesn’t allow is every bit as likely to be helpful as telling someone with diabetes that they just need to will their pancreas back into full functionality, and get back to eating without restriction, ignoring their blood sugar, and not requiring any particular kind of medication or insulin dosing. It’s not just unhelpful; it actively makes things worse, and it prevents people from taking the steps that will actually make it possible for us to have lives that aren’t dominated by executive dysfunction (or their blood sugar levels).

Part of addressing motivation, for people with ADHD, can relate to shoring up experiences of urgency, novelty, and interest—which, see above, also often requires some intentional affirmation and reassurance that these are necessary to us. Is it more efficient to keep an agenda that’s filled out in black pen, in an identical format each day? Sure, it is… unless that makes it invisible to your brain, and you forget it exists after a week. If I want to use an agenda, I’m going to need stickers and highlighters and multipens, and that will cost more and take more time than if I could get good utility from one black pen. But I can’t—and using the damn agenda is more efficient than not.

But ADHD is also more complex than just… a weird thing about how motivation works. Sometimes, the problem isn’t motivation, at all.

Sometimes, the problem is that people with ADHD have difficulty sequencing tasks. I can’t just look at a finished result and start moving that direction—not if I want to actually arrive. My brain won’t just see “clean up the living room” and know the steps to do it. I have to stop and think through the different elements of “clean living room”—how will the sofa look? The coffee table? The floor? And the steps stack on top of one another—if I have to stop in the middle to go get the vacuum, every step that was still balanced on the pile has just been shoved into a heap on the floor by “STOP AND GET VACUUM,” and I have no idea what I was doing. I have written workflows for almost every multistep task I do—and to people without ADHD, this looks crazy. Why would I need reminders of how to use the same filing system I use, every day? Or what order to do things in like take my medication, take a bath, get dressed, and eat breakfast? I’m a fully functioning adult, ffs! I own a business!

…but I look a lot less functional, the second I ignore those lists, and start trying to remember and track every single step of my day. My brain doesn’t hold on to routines terribly effectively; if I want focus left over for things like doing therapy, I can’t afford to burn through all of it on “ok, remember to brush my teeth—oh, shit, did I do my inhaler, yet? God, I have no idea. Where are my pants? Did I feed the cats?”

Sometimes, of course, the problem is that people with ADHD are easily distracted. I might have set out to tidy the living room, then seen the state of the dishes in the kitchen, then realized I was hungry, then eaten a sandwich, then gotten mustard on my shirt, then gone to change clothes, then realized I also need to sort the laundry, then felt gross and sweaty and decided to take a shower—you can imagine how better task sequencing would have helped with this, too, right?

Sometimes the problem is that our brains don’t work well with time. People with ADHD have an extremely hard time guesstimating how long things will take—we overestimate and underestimate, which means we end up unnecessarily delaying tasks we sincerely believe we can’t squeeze in; and we overschedule ourselves, can’t manage all of what we have planned, get overwhelmed, and are abruptly having to sort out genuinely impossible task-sequencing problems.

Et cetera. Motivation is a piece of the puzzle—sometimes a big one—but even finding ways to use the system we have for it is sometimes just going to reveal our difficulty knowing what to do first, or remembering what we were working on, or accurately gauging how much we can fit into a day. But I suppose that goes beyond the scope of this answer.

Long story short? We cannot. And a lack of motivation doesn’t highlight a character flaw; it means something is wrong that needs to be resolved. Sometimes that thing is just: exhaustion. But more often, it’s… the capacity for motivation isn’t being activated usefully. Or it is, but we can’t see what to do next. Or we can, but we’re worried that if it feels possible to us, it isn’t the right thing to be doing. Or we know it is, but we’re afraid that doing it the way that works for us will draw censure and disapproval. We don’t need help caring more—we need help recognizing and accepting how our brains work, and engaging them in ways that let us care effectively

[polygondotcomvideoproducer]

hm.

[themirroredmoon]

Meditation and ADHD

Now, I know what you may be thinking seeing this: "Corvid, I can't meditate! My body won't let me!"-- I can tell you now, confidently, that you're meditating wrong if you think meditation about the emptiness of your mind and doing nothing. When you feel your muscles are weak, what do you do? Exercise them. Your brain is no different then the rest of your body-- You need to 'stretch' or exercise it to make it stronger. Though I'm not talking about doing word puzzles or even listening to music, which are proven to improve brain function. We're here to talk about meditation and how you can start to work meditation into your daily life. Disclaimer: I myself have ADHD and these tips and tricks have worked wonders for me. If they don't for you, try a different approach.

Start off slow. Set a goal of three to five minutes a day. It'll seem like a lot at first but gradually it will get easier. If your thoughts wander or you can't sit still, don't worry-- This is completely normal. The goal is to merely observe your mind and how it functions and bring yourself back to focus when you notice it wander.

With that being said, please give yourself grace and leniency. Throughout your session, you may want to fidget or stretch, scratch that itch or count the black specks in the grout of your tiled kitchen floor. It happens. Instead of abandoning or saying that you failed, be kind to yourself and just continue. Scratch the itch and return to calm; stretch and maybe find a more comfortable position. Even if you feel you 'failed' the session, keep up with it and keep trying.

Find what you deem as a comfortable place to meditate. You could sit in your favorite chair, you could lie down with your favorite blanket, etc. You should loosen the tension in your muscles and make sure they're relaxed. If you cannot comfortably sit still, try a repetitive, 'autopilot' task like going for a walk. My favorite (and easiest) thing to do is focus on my breathing and the breaths I take. Some people listen to music. In time, you'll figure out what you find comfortable.

Being in a comfortable space also means pay attention to what you're wearing. It may be harder to let your mind relax if the waistband of your pants is digging into your skin or your sweater is itchy. The same thing goes for earrings that pull down on your ears too much or shoes that feel tight. Wear what you find comfortable and lessen the distractions.

When you notice your mind wandering from you in the moment, simply acknowledge the thought and return your attention to your task (walking, breathing, etc). Accept that minds are meant to think and give yourself permission to have a wandering mind. Don’t judge yourself for having thoughts or focus your attention on them.

Quiet is relative. Not everyone has a peaceful environment so the goal is to lessen the distractions as much as possible. Turn off your phone, close your bedroom door, put pets in another room, whatever you can and need to do.

When your session is complete, don't just jerk yourself back to reality. Give yourself and your body the time it needs to come back to the present. Doesn't matter if you meditated for one minute or one hour, take your time-- If your eyes were closed, slowly open them; if you were on a walk, take an extra couple of minutes to get home; etc.

Find a body double-- If they're willing to meditate with you, that's amazing. If not, have them hold you accountable for the task and make sure you do it. Set up a regular, daily time to do so and use one of the many meditation apps out there nowadays.

The take away that I hope you get from this is that you don't have to clear your mind or be blank or not move an inch. Allow yourself to do whatever you feel you need to do and then return back to the mindfulness that is meditation. Be kind to yourself and don't 'should' yourself; I never said this would be easy, I just said it was possible.

[adhddissertation]

I feel the thing that nobody talks about with ADHD is the pervasive sense of shame. It is always there and I cannot seem to escape it. I constantly feel useless and ashamed; at times I hate myself.

Now I know I have to be kind to myself, and finding a label for that (ADHD and dyspraxia, potentially autism as well) has made that so much easier. I have done Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and have been having Counselling for years. I know I deserve kindness and that I should be kind to myself, and celebrate how well I am doing despite the hand I have been dealt.

But it is so hard not to feel deficient. All my classmates at university have graduated. The year below me have graduated as well. I am still here and I still don’t have a dissertation. People ask me why, and I tell that I am struggling but I am trying so hard and working really hard.

And yet... I woke up at 6am today and it has taken until 3pm to sit down to do any work. You ask me what did I do this morning and the answer is I don’t know. Yet another day has been lost, and I can’t help but feel so ashamed. I just want to do well. For once, I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel that for once all my effort has been worth it.

I want to take a picture of me in front of the university library holding my dissertation, just like everyone else did.

And yet, I feel like I can’t make myself make any meaningful steps towards this goal. I just want to be free of my dissertation and university. I just want this sense of shame to cease; to be able to go a day without having to think about my dissertation.

I just want to be able to knuckle down at knock out my dissertation. I know so many people who have bragged about writing their dissertation in one night, three days, a week... whatever. But here I am, I have been working on an undergraduate dissertation for 18 months, and I feel humilitated. I have practically nothing to show for it. I only have to write 10,000 - 12,000 words, it shouldn’t be as hard as this.

I just wish I had control over this. I wish I could wake up and think I am going to do work today and then actually do it. Then that’s before I even consider the fact that I work so slowly - pretty much every task I do takes me much much longer than anyone else; it takes me longer to read; longer to understand content; longer to write. I just struggle so much, but yet I keep trying.

One day I will have a finished dissertation, and I will take a photo in front of the library, and I will graduate because I try so fucking hard, and keep trying no matter how many times I fall down.