#many thoughts head full no I do not want to talk about it

[sturnioz]

shy!reader has an attitude that fratboy!chris isn't afraid to fix.

you're a mess, tears streaming down your cheeks and mascara smudged beneath your eyes, your bottom lip tucked between your teeth, biting down harshly on the skin as you struggle to contain your emotions.

you've always been the one to bottle everything up, keeping a tight lid on your feelings until they erupt in the solitude of your own home — allowing yourself to let everything spill out, pouring your heart until you were exhausted and slept.

but today isn't the case.

you're not home; you're at the frat house, sitting on the far end of the couch, knees drawn protectively to your chest with the boisterous laughter and loud chatter of the frat brothers that roam the house, the sounds overstimulating you.

truthfully, they have kept their distance from you — watching them freeze in the doorway when they hear your quiet sniffles, then slowly back away, would've been amusing if you weren't so caught up in your own head.

chris is the only one who stays, seated on the other end of the couch, hunched over as he rolls a joint while occasionally glancing at the tv that's playing his favourite show, barely paying you any attention.

he did ask you what was wrong the first time he saw you, but when you snippily replied that you didn't want to talk about it, he scoffed and ignored you. that made you even more mad.

why does it bother you so much? you're not sure. did you want him to continue asking? to truly care? to offer you comfort? yet again, you're not sure. the confusion only leaves you more frustrated and angry.

what you do know is this; you're not okay. you're upset, annoyed, frustrated — you are everything but fine.

"damn, kid.. what's the matter w'you?" you hear nate's voice ask when he enters the living-room with matt trailing behind him.

matt gives you a quick glance before he sinks into the lone armchair in the corner, pulling out his phone. nate still hovers nearby, tilting his head slightly as he shakes a tupperware container full of salad in his hand, the sound of crunchy vegetables rattling inside.

"nothing." you reply, your voice sharper than intended, and from your peripheral vision, you catch chris glancing over his shoulder at you, his brows furrowing and his tongue prodding against his cheek.

nate purses his lips, a thoughtful hum escaping his as he pops the lid off the container, the fresh aroma of salad wafting toward you. he holds it out, a hopeful grin spreading across his face. "apple?"

"i don't want it." you retort, your annoyance flaring.

but nate is relentless, shaking the container enticingly. "c'mon. i know y'like—"

"i said i don't want it!" you snap louder, and in a moment of impulse, you shove the box away with too much force, and the contents topple to the ground — vibrant greens and reds scattering.

your heart races as you see the mess of chopped veggies, a mix of surprise and regret washing over you as you quickly look up at nate, ready to apologise for the mess and for your outburst. but before you can utter a word, chris is already at your side..

with a firm grip on your arm, he practically drags you up the stairs, away from the eyes of the others who have stopped in their tracks to watch the scene unfold. the embarrassment floods through you, and your head hangs low.

though you're still simmering with frustration, the regret for how you treated nate still gnaws at you.

when chris pulls you into his room, he shoves the door closed behind himself with a loud thud. you frown, your hands twitching at your sides as he slowly turns around to look at you with an incredulous gaze.

"what... what is your problem?" chris snaps, his voice low and intense, teeth gritted in annoyance. "huh? 'cos this attitude y'got, kid, it's fuckin' pissin' me off — you're pissin' me off."

his bluntness stings, and you open your mouth to defend yourself. "i said i don't want to talk about it. i said that so many times!!"

"right, but no need to act like a fuckin' baby 'n throw a tantrum."

you can't help but bristle at his words, shooting him a glare. "i hate you."

chris laughs at that, the sound low and mocking, a slow nod punctuating his response as his tongue prods at his cheek. a smirk spreads across his face as his posture shifts, and the way he scratches at his jaw, his gaze locked onto you sends a shiver down your spine.

you immediately regret what you said.

you're not surprised when you find yourself sprawled across his bed, your shorts and panties tugged down to your ankles, biting into his pillow as chris plunges deep into your pussy from behind, his hands smacking your ass.

you mewl loudly, lashes sticky with tears, drool seeping past your lips and dampening the material of his pillow as your hips arch back into him.

"s'what you needed, right?" chris asks, his voice low and husky as you squirm beneath him, watching his cock pound into your sopping cunt, your hips bouncing off the bed. "jus' needed t'be fucked t'get your fuckin' attitude in check."

"m'sorry!!" you cry pathetically, your lips parting in a 'o' shape as you feel another slap against your ass, the stinging sensations making your toes curl.

"yeah.. i know, kid."

© STURNIOZ

[barcaatthemoon]

friend of the bride || lia walti x reader ||

You hook up with Lia at your best friend's wedding.

MINORS DNI, 18+, Smut warning.

You knew about Lia. You had never played against Lia, but you knew all about her. It was your job to know about football, both international and domestic. She hadn't played in the NWSL, but you were a pretty big Arsenal fan even before she had joined up. But even before then, you had heard people in the business talking about the Swiss player.

It made sense that she'd be in the bridal party. Lia was Ana's best friend, and maid of honor. In a way, you thought it was wild that the two of you weren't better acquainted. Obviously you understood Ana being hesitant about introducing the two of you. You were a bit of a womanizer to say the least, even if you had settled down quite a bit since starting your gig as an official NWSL commentator.

"Excuse me, I don't know if we know each other. I'm (Y/n)." You could feel Ana's eyes on you as you approached Lia. There weren't many people that made you nervous, but your best friend's new wife was definitely one of them. The two of you had been teammates years ago whenever Ana played on the Thorns, and maybe, just maybe, you had seen a spark all those years ago.

Nothing had ever come of it, and you were happier because of it. Ana was cool, and she definitely would have hated you whenever you transferred across the country at the end of the year. You weren't a native to New Jersey, but Rutgers had offered you a full ride, so you counted yourself as a bit of a Jersey girl. Sky Blue wasn't perfect by any means, but it was definitely the place that you had wanted to retire playing for.

"I'm Lia, and no, we haven't been properly introduced," she said. She outstretched her hand, and you took the offering. Behind you, you could practically feel Ana attempting to burn holes into the back of your head to deter you. "My friend is watching us."

"If I'm being honest, I don't blame her. She's heard stories of how I can be at weddings." Bashful wasn't something that normally worked well with you, but Lia found the blush cute. It became obvious as she patted the chair in front of her that she knew a bit about you. Ana had to have warned her before either of you arrived in Seattle for the wedding.

"I've heard stories of how you are away from weddings. I get it though, life feels a bit more special with all of this love in the air," Lia said. You thought that she was sweet, and a part of you was about to back out when she grabbed onto your wrist. "I fly out tomorrow afternoon, and I'd hate to leave without as many good memories as I can get."

"She'll kill me if we leave together," you told Lia. She glanced behind you and waved at Ana. You did everything in your power not to turn, but Lia seemed amused by whatever was going on behind you. "Is she being mean?"

"Not at all, but you should say your goodbyes and get your coat. I'm in room 615," Lia told you. She slipped her key card in your pocket, and you wondered how long she had been watching you. Lia left first, leaving you to sit there stunned for a moment. It was hasty, but you said your goodbyes and promised Ana that you'd be safe with her friend. She was a bit dismissive, but you didn't miss the little twinkle in her eye. If you had any more to drink, you would have considered that she was happy about you and Lia running off together.

It seemed almost too good to be true that Lia's room was on the same floor as yours. You made a quick stop at your own room to shed your suit jacket and make sure that you still looked good. Your room was only a few doors down from Lia's, and you wondered if she had seen you at all over the week. The entirety of the wedding party had been flown in several days earlier than all of the other guests, and you doubted the maid of honor had been an exception to that.

"You left your jacket. That's a shame, it looked good. At least I can still do this," Lia said as she grabbed you by your tie and pulled you into the room. You stumbled a little, but caught yourself as Lia's arms wrapped around your shoulders. She was still in her dress, but without her heels on, you were a couple inches taller than her. "You know, I had always hoped you would find your way to the WSL. I would have liked to play against you."

"I bet we could have had a lot of fun together." Lia seemed to catch onto the hidden meaning of your words quickly. You were a bit surprised by her forwardness as she kissed you. It was welcome, as was the feeling of her hands pulling your button out from where it had been tucked into your pants.

The women you hooked up with had all definitely wanted you, but they were rarely as confident in themselves as Lia. She was sweet and gentle, but it wasn't submissive in the slightest. She took what she wanted without overstepping, and it took you several moments for your brain to kick in and join her.

"Take my dress off," Lia told you. You didn't hesitate for even half a second to turn the Swiss woman around. There was a little clasp by the small of her back, and once it was undone, Lia let the dress slip off from her body and pool onto the floor.

You could see that her chest was bare, but that did nothing to prepare you for the sight of her. She stood in front of you completely topless. You weren't being subtle in your staring, but Lia didn't seem to mind it. She let you keep staring as she pushed you back onto the bed. Lia climbed onto your lap, and there she sat straddling you as she looked down at you.

"There are plenty of more comfortable places for you to sit," you started. Lia showed her amusement with a little half-smirk. Normally, your jokes garnered a bit more of a reaction, and the fact that she hadn't given you one made you want to try again. You wanted to impress this woman with every part of you, and you had no idea why. Nobody was supposed to mean this much to you, not for a single night anyway.

"I'm already practically naked on top of you, lines aren't necessary," Lia told you. You nodded and swallowed, somewhat nervous as she stared at you. It was like she was studying you, less out of curosity, but more in the way a predator would study its prey. "You're wearing too much, and I'd hate to ruin your very nice suit."

You nearly let out a whine as Lia moved off of you. You scrambled off of the bed and hastily undressed yourself, not caring that for a moment, you were more bare than she was. Lia hummed in appreciation as you stood in front of her, completely naked. She guided you down onto your knees in front of her and leaned over her own lap to kiss you.

"Show me what you can do. I hope everything I've heard about you is true," Lia said. Even after she broke the kiss, you didn't stop kissing her. Your mouth moved all over her neck and jaw, occasionally stopping to mark a couple of hickeys for her to take as a temporary souvenir. You were a lot less careful with your marking whenever you got to her chest, sucking as many love bites onto her skin as you could.

Lia tried not to rush you, but you could tell that her patience was growing thin. She ground herself against the palm of your hand as you cupped her over her underwear. You let out a pleasured groan at the feeling of her heat through the fabric. You could practically feel her arousal growing as she moved against your hand.

"More, I want more," Lia told you. You took your time teasing her as you took her underwear off. Your face was buried into the side of her thigh when your attention was pulled by a frustrated growl. Lia looked down at you with a look so sweet that you almost got whiplash from the way her hand balled into a fist around your hair.

You let her guide your face, only sticking your tongue out to give her something to seek out. Lia loosened her grip when she felt your lips wrap around her clit. Her thighs clamped around your head, holding you against her as she rocked her hips back and forth gently. You pried her thighs apart to make room for your fingers to tease at her entrance, stroking over the hole with the promise of penetration.

This time, Lia didn't have to ask or tell you to keep going. Once you got into your groove, everything came very naturally to you. Lia was moving wildly on the bed, each buck of her hips punctuated by a little creak of the bed. Between Lia's moaning, the bed creaking, and the absolutely obscene sound of your fingers fucking in and out of her, there wasn't a moment of silence.

"That's it, right there. Don't you dare stop. Oh fuck!" Lia exclaimed. You felt a sharp tug to your hair as her other hand wrapped around the back of your neck. You could feel her nails dig into your skin, but the pain of it just made your eyes roll back in your head a little. Above you, Lia's body held you close even as she tried to squirm away from you, torn between wanting to stop and wanting to see just how hard you could make her cum. Ultimately, she ended up pushing you away just a couple minutes later as her body began to approach overstimulation.

"I think you did a number on me," you muttered as you rubbed at the little nail indents on the back of your neck. Lia sat up on her elbows, just enough to see her reflection in the TV. She looked gorgeous to you, disheleved in the most perfect of ways. There was no denying what had just happened, not when you looked at Lia.

"I can do a lot worse," Lia laughed. You clammed up a bit at her words. You had no idea what was wrong with you because Lia shouldn't have been getting to you this badly. She was practically a stranger, and yet, you didn't want to just gather your clothes and run off to your own room just yet. "If you ever find yourself in London, message me. Now though, I think you should get going. Guests are going to be back any moment now."

"I've never been asked out and kicked out at the same time. You are something else," you said in disbelief. Lia could tell that you weren't angry, and just to keep it that way, she walked you out. A part of you wanted to linger, but aside from a pretty chaste kiss, Lia didn't give you the opportunity. You just had to hope that you'd catch her before she ran off the next day, but even if you didn't, you couldn't be mad about how your night went.

[noobsoconfusing]

‘heartworm’_hamzahthefantastic

tired and sleepy conversations with your boyfriend who doesn’t shut the fuck up .

fluff, suggestive talk about martin, family ideas, cuddling in bed, established relationship.

>_<

one thing you noticed about your boyfriend is that he has many things inside his head, a raging –almost painful– need to tell you everything he is thinking about, and while you thank him for the trust, you can’t help but wonder if he analyses the things he says out loud before verbally vomiting them.

“y/n, are you awake?” hamzah’s voice came out soft and groggy, his low tone dragging in a whisper made you open your eyes almost so quick that it hurt.

“hmm, yes.” you replied, adjusting your sight to the dark room.

“do you…wanna talk?” he shifted on the bed, turning his body to face yours. he had a small smile as he looked at you. you felt warm.

the way his hair was messy, and his face so naturally familiar to you felt almost dreamy.

hamzah’s big sleepy eyes made your heart feel like a cooker bomb. weird comparison but to be honest you could almost feel the way it was going to explode anytime.

and god, you love him so much. unexplainably so damn much. he thought the same of you.

“cant sleep, huh?” you asked, getting closer to his body under the covers, but then you felt how one of your cats, probably blue, squealed. he was probably sound asleep between hamzah’s body and yourself, always looking for warmth. the protection of his cat parents

“mmm, nope, not really.” he sighed. “have so much stuff going on, you know? inside my mind, i mean.” he admitted, one of his hands travelled to your face, and he stroked your cheek only to feel some sort of contact. “so fuckin’ pretty, huh, you’re my pretty girl..”

you leaned into the touch like a needy pet, and he couldn’t help but smile, heart feeling full.

“whats inside your mind, hamzah?” you asked curiously.

although you were extremely tired and sleepy, hamzah always came first to you. soul intimacy was important, not only sex, and you wanted to know what was bothering him or keeping him awake at such indecent hours.

“you. always.” oh. “like, for real, y/n, and i don’t wanna sound obsessed, even though yeah, i am pretty much obsessed with you–,” he paused to swallow. your heart felt so heavy with a feeling you couldn’t quite describe, but only hamzah made you feel. “i am always thinking about you.”

to be reciprocated, to be seen. hamzah made you feel seen, as he pretty much matched your deep feelings for him. –oh, y/n, you match my freak!– his voice filled your head. so nice.

“i feel the same way” you bluntly said. “each day i feel like we have been dating for my whole life, because this crazy funny feeling never really goes away.” by that you meant, the exciting feeling of expectation and young love.

first love.

he giggled, low tone. “right! i know, it’s like, okay, like i feel like i am a kid in love, you know? all silly and nervous around you, but at the same time i feel like we have been married for ages!”

to be reciprocated, to be seen. to be in love.

“i love you, hamzah.” you admitted, your voice suddenly softer.

and he didn’t reply, instead, he lifted the covers all the way up till they were engulfing your bodies, the closeness was comforting, and his arms moved around your frame until a hug was crafted. so perfect and tender. his body was like a boiler, providing you of heat, almost like a heat pad for cramps… but man sized.

he looked at you, big round eyes silently speaking, hoping you hear them, –god i love you, i love you so much you’re my fucking world, i wanna spend my whole damn life by your side.– silent confession.

instead, he says;

“have you ever had tapeworms?” hamzah asks out of the blue.

you blink. blink twice. then three times. and then you sigh, remembering your boyfriend was just, well, just like that. it didn’t ruin the atmosphere though, you enjoyed… whatever the fuck he was trying to say.

“hmmm, i don’t think i have had tapeworms, no” you answer snuggling up to his bare chest.

hamzah hums. “it’s fine, me neither by the way, i just asked ‘cause whenever i think of you my heart feels like it’s got a tapeworm inside of it…”

silly, you thought. lovely.

“yeah. i think i know what you mean.”

“i think it’s in the way we match each other so fucking well, yeah? i never thought i could find a person that just… loves me… for what i am…” he said and you felt your heart skip a beat.

your eyebrows furrowed. “elaborate.”

“for instance, you’re my friend, but also my girlfriend, but also my wife, but also my best friend, and not only that, you’re also like, my life partner, you know?”

ugh, stupid fucking feelings. you felt so deeply about hamzah that your heart felt like it could burst out anytime.

“hey, i love you so much it’s almost overwhelming.” you admitted, melting into his touch. “for so long i thought nobody would ever notice me or listen to me or even just, be my friend. or try to take the time to understand me…” your voice lowered at the end of your sentence.

he groaned at how close you were. satisfaction, of course.

“you’re so beautiful, y/n.” he kissed the top of your head. “like, i also thought that martin would be my only friend forever, as scary as it sounds.” he laughed and you did too.

“hey! martin’s nice!” you defended your friend.

“i mean yeah, i love him too, but it’s different. not in the way i love you, and i know he doesn’t love me in the way he loves mandy.” he explained.

“yeah, i know.” you laughed sleepily, as you leaned onto hamzah’s body. it helped a ton that he slept shirtless because you liked the raw closeness.

“martin is cool, but if i had never met you, i would have blue balls and an empty heart!”

“and gay allegations, still.” you added, laughing.

“but most importantly blue balls..” hamzah said serious, with a sigh.

“huh?!”

“i can’t fuck martin. i can’t make love to martin, though, just think about it.”

“dude…” you said, trying not to burst out laughing out loud.

“i have thought about it, but only before meeting you, it’s just weird!” hamzah explained, with a nervous smile on his face.

“you don’t have to think about that, hamzah!” a smile creeped up on your lips. an awkward one.

“right, i know.” he defended himself-, “i don’t think about it anymore, i was just a lonely man before you, though.” ah, you knew that.

every time they could, mandy and martin made sure to tell you how much of a loner miserable man hamzah was. a painfully single dude. even the slushies would be constantly commenting jokes about it.

“because you’re weird that’s why…” you joked and he clicked his tongue. “that’s why i love you”

“you know, before you; it was my hand, lotion, tissues and me against the world.” he listed as if it was a great accomplishment.

as if it was something super fucking serious. to be fair, it was very serious to him.

“no video?” you joked. it felt so nice and genuine to talk about silly stuff like this with your man.

he stopped to think for a second. “nah, just my imagination. always imagined you though, even before meeting you i always imagined someone like you.” he kissed your forehead.

“wow, how romantic, it’s almost as if you’re not talking about beating your meat.”

as you both comfortably joked and laughed, a nice silence filled the room.

hamzah pulled you closer, which you thought was physically impossible, but still, your body thanked his devotion for physical affection.

his low voice broke the silence.

“y/n…”

“yes, hamzah?”

he sighed, holding your waist close to his own. you could feel him, feel him merging with your body, but it was nice, not really anything more than intimacy.

“i can’t wait to have a family with you.” he said, the weight of the confession leaving his chest felt so good.

your eyes opened wide. and you stuttered to reply.

“we are a family.” you said.

the cats, him, you. yeah, a family as god intended, right? but still, you knew what he meant. and you wanted it too.

“do you think we’ll be good parents?” he asked, the tone in his voice indicating he was being honest, being hopeful. he hoped for you to say yes so badly.

you thought for a moment…

“i think we’ll be okay, hamzah.” yeah.

“we’ll be okay, love.” he said, but it was almost as if he was trying to reassure himself.

hamzah wanted a big family, and he liked thinking about caring for the little humans you’d create together.

and the room filled with silence yet again, as you heard his calm breathing, you realised he had fallen asleep. the comfort of his embrace made you fall asleep as well.

hamzah felt so safe with you, so understood. never judged at all. he said weird stuff, but you always had a smile on your face. never grossed out by him, never angry, always loving.

it was nice. to be reciprocated, to be seen.

the heartworm inside his heart wiggled happy, eating his flesh and leaving a trace of only you.

>_<

hope u liked this. i did. heh.

[chiscaralight]

Can u do mean dom xiao x reader? Any gender is fine. I always see him as a soft dom there hasn’t been a mean dom xiao post since like 2021 😩

nsfw xiao x reader idk if i can write mean dom anyone, I tried my best... don't hate me anons

Regardless of the situation, xiao doesn't talk too much. Because of that, you tend to act out a lot. he's not going to say anything anyway, so why not tease him just a bit?

bad idea on your part, because he'll always get back at you. he might tease you back in the privacy of your own, or he just might deny your orgasm for so long that you can't even remember your own name. even if you whine out how sorry you are from the moment you step into the bedroom, he’s not shaken.

“maybe you should’ve thought of that before you started playing in my face. don’t stop until i tell you to.”

and honestly, you want to do this. to prove to him that he doesn't have as much power over you as he thinks. so you sink down onto his length, fingers holding tight onto his shoulders as you start to bounce. it’s not long before you start crying though, legs shaking and so out of breath as you use the last of your power to tell him you cant go on anymore.

so he rolls his eyes, mumbling something about how weak you are. it hasn’t even been that long! he’d think you’d do better than that. whatever, anyways, because his hand is heavy as he pushes your face into the bed, fingers digging into the fat of your hips as he starts to pound into you stupidly hard. you’re gasping and whining at each thrust, every hit having you feeling more sensitive than the last. and your mumbles start to get more drawn out, proclamations of your impending orgasm spilling into the sheets of the bed. he’s fistinf your hair to pull your head up, and the only words that leave him are breaking your heart.

“don’t you dare.”

and you’re whining in protest, overstimulated and in dire need of release. you don’t even know when you come! vision blacking out and body twitching as his hips still. you realize your mistake though when you find yourself on tour back, his strong gaze connecting with your full of fear one as he pins your wrists down to the bed. all he gave you was one instruction, and you can’t even obey that. you want to cum so bad? he’ll make sure you do, as many times as he wants. you won’t even remember his name by the time he’s done with you.

[megameatymatt]

Step By Step - Matt Sturniolo

summary: Matt finds out about y/n's ED relapse

WARNINGS: e@t!ng d!sorder, swearing, throwing up, gagging, crying, self-hatred/insecure, feelings of hopelessness, overthinking

If you or anyone you know is dealing with an ED or substance abuse, call or text:  1-800-662-4357.

word count: 766

requested?: nope

A/N: I was feeling sad so all of you must suffer with me. Feedback, interaction, and requests are appreciated! ok bye

Pink: Y/n

Blue: Matt

------------------------------------------------------------

Matt knows you've dealt with an eating disorder in the past. He wasn't there during it, but you've talked to him about it and answered some of his questions. It didn't make you any less perfect in his eyes. To him, all that mattered was you being okay. But you weren't.

Four years later, you feel like you're falling back into it all over again—all the progress you've made, discarded within just a couple weeks.

You stare at yourself in the mirror and wish someone different stared back at you. You pinch at the skin on your thighs, stomach, and arms and wish the fat would disappear.

You sob silently. How can someone hate themselves so much, How couldn't you hate yourself so much, Y/n? Look at you, just look at you! You're lucky matt even stays. Thoughts circle around your head like a halo. Leaving you in nothing but shatters.

You walk to the toilet, shove a finger down your throat, and gag

The cycle begins.

Two weeks later, you walk into your kitchen to find Matt standing there. "Good morning, angel, I'm making pancakes. How many do you want." The thought of putting food in your mouth makes you sick. "Um, Matt, I'm not hungry." Matt frowns. "You love my pancakes, baby, what's the matter?" you shuffle through your brain, thinking of an excuse. "I'm full from last night, Y'know, the pizza." You, Matt, nick, and Chris had had a movie night. The boys ordered pizza and snuggled up on the couch as you all giggled.

"I watched you the whole night, Y/n, I didn't see you take a single slice," he says, flipping a pancake. "In fact i haven't seen you eat much at all lately, You alright?" Eat? How can he suggest such a thing? doesn't he want me to be pretty? i wanna be good enough to wear a bikini. I wanna be good enough to wear skin tight dresses, i wanna be good enough for him.

You shake away these thoughts trying your best to keep your composure. "I'm good, just give me one okay?" you say letting out a sigh. He smiles "Comin' right up princess" He hands you a plate with a pancake, syrup, whipped cream and some strawberries. Matt has already started digging into his own plate.

just a few bites Y/n, just let Matt think you're okay

You pick up your fork and knife with shaky hands, cut yourself a piece and quickly shove it it your mouth. Your body wants to immediately reject it, but you take a few more bites.

As soon as you swallow your first bite, it flies back up your throat. You get up and run to the bathroom. Matt follows you with concern. "Are my pancakes that bad?" he says, running after you. But as he walks into the bathroom. He notices how frail you've become. Tears are running down your eyes, and he finally realizes. You finish puking and flush the toilet and lean against the wall, almost lifelessly.

A few tears escape Matt's eyes. How could he be so stupid? how didn't he put it together? It was so obvious. He could've helped you. Why would you do this?

He runs out of the bathroom to get a glass of cold water, then quickly comes back to hold you. The only thing that could escape from his mouth was "Why"? "Just look at me, Matt, I hate it, I hate my body so fucking much, Matt, you don't even understand," you say, trying your best to yell, tears running down your face.

Matt is completely taken aback "But you're so beautiful, baby, You're hurting yourself. You were doing so good." You sob in Matt's arms, barely able to speak. "I-I'm sorry, Matt. I just wanted to be pretty." Your words felt like a knife in Matt's stomach.

''I tried so hard to fight it, Matt, I didn't want to go down this path again. I promised you I wouldn't. The words spill out like vomit, "But I did it anyway, Matty." You whine, "And it's worse than before. I'm so ashamed Matt. I'm sorry i'm putting you through this" Tears rush you your face, and you're shaking uncontrollably. The knife in Matts stomach only gets pushed deeper and deeper. "I'm sorry i never noticed Y/n, i'm so fucking stupid. The signs were so clear, i could've helped you." He wipes the tears off your cheeks. "But i'm gonna help you now baby." "I can't Matt" "we're gonna do it together okay? Step by step, Y/n. We'll be just fine"

Taglist: @sturnobsessedwh0re

[destinyisastar]

Lost in your Love pt 4

Read Part: 1 2 3

Summary: After the day's events Alastor decides to go visit his beloved friend to see if she has any answers.

Vox x Reader, (Alastor x Reader)

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Alastor runs his hands over the panel, fiddling with the switches, his head pulsing. He needs time to think, needs his questions answered. Anyone will do! Of all the thoughts to pass through his mind an idea is finally presented in his head.

Rosie!

Why hadn’t he thought of that before?!

With smile on his face Alastor makes his way to the wonderful cannibal town.

The emporium is full as always, the line is out the door, children sinners press their faces on the windows drooling, the women gossip while eating pinky fingers, men are chatting about nothing too interesting.

There among the crowd of people hovering over her was the delightful Rosie.

Alastor made his presence known by letting out a few static sounds.

Roise perks up her head, “Alastor? Oh, Alastor is that you?! My, my where have you been?!” Rosie stands up from her seat making her way over to him, arms ready to hug him. “Have you been eating?! You’re looking more flimsy than usual dear!” she giggles.

“I’m doing just fine my friend! I’ve just been busy with a new project!”

“Why that’s good to hear! Come sit, sit I’m sure you have much to discuss!” She brings him over to a table.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to stay to long, I just have some questions, and I was wondering if you may be able to answer them.”

“I’ll doing anything I can my friend!” She sits in her chair, sipping her teacup.

Alastor takes a breath while he sits down, “Have you heard from my wife lately?”

Rosie spits out her tea, she begins to cough rapidly, punching her chest, “I’m sorry, but what do you mean your wife?”

“Yes, my wife, Y/n, have you spoken to her?”

“Wife? Y/n?” Rosie looks confused.

“Rosie, please do not play any games with me, I’ve brought Y/n to your emporium many times, you two always swapped books.”

“I know a Y/n, but that Y/n isn’t your wife, why I believe I would be the first to know if you had a wife!”

“Then who’s the Y/n you know?”

“Vox’s wife of course!”

Everything is still.

Still and silent.

Rosie is still talking, but Alastor hears nothing. His hands begin to claw the table. His eyes begin to turn into dials.

“Alastor?”

Vox.

Y/n.

Y/n is Vox’s wife.

Vox is Y/n’s husband.

“Alastor!!”

Alastor jolts up, “I’m sorry my dear, I’m just a bit surprised, that Y/n is married to vox...” He grits his teeth.

“Of course they’re married! They were married in life, might as well be married in hell! Oh, and they’re so cute together, you can definitely tell that Vox loves her.”

He feels like his teeth are about to break with how much he’s smiling.

Married in life?

Alastor and Y/n WERE married in life. Not Vox and Y/n.

“My dear Rosie, Y/n simply cannot be his wife… you know most of all that she is my wife.”

Rosie tilts her head, “No, she couldn’t be your wife, I would remember an such an important detail! Alastor... did you have a bit of crush on Y/n? Its understandable but you can’t go after a married woman! That wouldn’t be very gentlemanly!”

Alastor runs a hand through his hair, slightly pulling it.

He knew that Vox had feelings for his wife, he just never thought he’d have the guts to take her from him.

But that doesn’t explain why Roise doesn’t remember Y/n being his wife.

“Thank you for answering my questions my dear! Unfortunately, I must be going now!”

“Oh, Alastor I’m sorry if that wasn’t what you wanted to hear! I’m sure you’ll find someone someday!” She yells out to him as Alastor leaves the emporium.

Just what in the hell is going on?

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In your bed you lay awake thinking of the day’s events. The Radio Demon held your hand so gently. Why? Why would the demon look at you with such care? He must be scheming. Your eyes grow tired, and you feel yourself being pulled into a dream.

 A sweet tune of jazz is playing as you dance with your husband, your eyes are shut placing your head on his chest. He’s swaying you slowly as the tune comes to an end.

“I love you dearest.”

You raise your head to meet his gaze.

“I love you too Alastor.”

You immediately awaken.  You sit up in your bed, you raise your hand to your face, breathing heavily, feeling sweaty.

Alastor.

Why were you thinking of Alastor so lovingly? He’s not your husband.

You place your hand to the other side of the bed to find Vox still sleeping. You reach your hand closer to his screen, gently caressing his face. This man….is your husband.

Yes… that’s right.

Vox is your husband.

That Radio Demon must have put those ideas into your head. Holding you so lovingly, tenderly. It was just a dream… did you want to have those feelings for him? No, of course not. You loved your husband.

But the dream…. it felt so right.

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destinyisastar 2024

Hi everyone!! Uni has been kicking my butt but I'm getting through it, (I just procrastinate a lot, I'm working on it) Also some exciting news Alastor's pilot VA is coming to my local convention, and I might meet him!

Stay tuned for part 5!

wordcount: 855

Taglist: @songbirdpond @diffidentphantom @vxllys @sirens-and-moonflowers @bethanythehazbinfan @martinys-world @quinceylikesanime @sweetsaladpainterranch @killer-nightmare0 @ginny-higgins

[crowleysgirl56]

Ok, so I wanted to do a deeper dive into this particular passage of Good Omens:

For context, this is at the climax of the book, they’re at Tadfield airbase, the horsemen have been dispensed with, Aziraphale has his body back, and Satan is about to claw his way out of the pit.

In most of the proceeding chapters involving Crowley it talks a lot about how scared Crowley is. He is very scared of Hell.

One could perhaps say maybe he is scared of them due to The Arrangement, but that is never explicitly stated. I think it has more to do with Hell is bad, and Crowley has spent the majority of the book being yelled at by some entity through the radio or TV telling him how he’s going to be in super amounts of trouble when they get their hands on him. He is just scared of what will happen. When he comes across the book shop burning he doesn’t cry for his lost friend. He curses Aziraphale, and I think it’s because the one person who may have been able to keep him safe and protected from Hell is now gone.

So when he thinks to himself (as shown in the above screen shot) that there is now nothing left for him to lose, this is why I never thought (upon reading the book the first time that is) there were any romantic feelings between him and Aziraphale. I know that technically he had already lost Aziraphale. But by this point he was back again, and back in his body. If there truly were romantic thoughts between them surely the idea of losing him again would come up.

I have read so much fanfiction, some old, some new, and what they all have in common is the detailed inner monologue of Crowley’s turmoil over his feelings for Aziraphale and how he doesn’t feel like he can act on them. In the book we get nothing of the sort, from either character. Even when they’re separated there is hardly ever any description of them thinking of the other except occasionally to frame a short reference to something. Reading the book I never got the impression that there was anything more than two ethereal beings spending time and proximity to each other and doing work for each other for no other reason than they’re essentially a bit lazy.

I think they’re only queer coded for the fact that there’s the line about Aziraphale appearing “gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitric oxide”, and Crowley is, well, very Freddie Mercury coded. Them being seen as gay together and all the gay slurs in the awful racist scenes of Aziraphale body hopping about in culturally indigenous people after the bookshop fire has more to do with the very typical 80’s/90’s trope of “being gay = comedy gold”, than them actually being together romantically.

I think the reason why they were shipped so much after the publication however is for the same reason we ship so many male couples (or female couple) in modern media, why we’ve always shipped them: because of the complete and horrid lack there of, of proper queer representation.

If you’ve ever seen the magnificent Russel T Davies TV series It’s a Sin, there is a wonderful scene where the character Ash starts a job in a school library and the headmaster asks him to go through all the books and find any book that has queer love scenes so they can be removed. Ash then gives a most beautiful and impassioned speech (albeit it turns out the speech is just in his head) of how there is nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is nothing to the point where they are nonexistent. They are invisible. They are not seen. (Or like, something to that effect. I tell you though, it’s bloody brilliant).

So I think that’s rather the point really. You have two iconic characters, albeit supporting bit characters practically, and I think a lot of our minds automatically get drawn to wanting to put them together because of the sheer lack of queer couples. People have been doing it for years from Frodo and Sam, to Harry Potter and Draco (or Ron I guess), to Sherlock and Watson (even before the Benedict Cumberbatch show. Also as an aside let’s not get into how obsessed people got about Sherlock Holmes back in the day when those books were first published. The obsession was the reason Doyle killed the character off the in first place, then after getting letters from people telling him they were literally going to kill themselves, the reasons why he resurrected him again. Don’t tell us that modern day nerds are weird and obsessive. We’ve ALWAYS been like this).

It’s for this reason why queer representation is so god damn important. Why I still support the idea of Good Omens season 3. Because regardless of how the characters were originally intending to be represented in the book, it’s very clear now that they are so much more than “Just friends”. And we NEED that! Whether you subscribe to the idea that they will be physically intimate with each other, the fact remains is they love each other. They love each other immensely. And that comes from years of Terry Pratchett (and the other guy) accepting that canon and telling fans that it’s true. Because Michael Sheen made a choice and held a belief about how he saw his character and then David Tennant followed suit. That literally tens of thousands of fanfiction writers have decided the same.

So that’s my take. I don’t think loving each other was ever intended that way in the book, but in the last 35 years their story has morphed into the ineffable husbands that we now know.

What are your thoughts? Have I rambled on long enough to make any sense? Do you agree? Have I missed something completely obvious and gotten it all wrong? Keen to hear thoughts.

[onskepa]

What about ronal and tonwari watching their friends love story ? Like fem reader is nervous about choosing a mate when she has a lot of choices and goes to ronal for advice. Admittedly ronal doesn't want to decide for her but she does have someone in mind problem is tonowari also has someone in mind. Que the subtle love war!

Hiya! So this one I had a tad bit too much fun. Enjoy~!!

P.S: ronal and tonowari was years younger in this one! So expect them to be slightly out of character

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Tiftxey

Ronal was tending to the young new born children, making sure they are healthy and strong. As well as the mothers. The mothers enjoy sharing anything new about their children, their first of something, a new trick, word, or something that caught their eye. It was always entertaining. She hoped one day she would have children of her own. It's only been 2 years since she became mated to tonowari and became tsahik. 

Many women her age have either already mated or are in the process of courting. Ronal predicts many children will be born around the same time. Perfect for them to be friends in a near future. 

“Ronal?” a hesitant voice broke her small train of thought. Looking up, ronal sees her good friend Tiftxey. She had a shy-like posture, her eyes glancing anywhere but her. 

“If you have a moment, can we talk?” 

Tiftxey, from infants to now adults, tiftxey and ronal have been the best of friends. Even their mothers were like them when they were infants. Close at arms, sisters in spirit. They do anything for each other. This situation is no different, the circumstances are however. 

“You…want me, as your tsahik and friend, to find a suitable mate for you?” Ronal repeated what her friend just said. 

“Yes,” her friend nods. 

“It is not that I am opposed to it but, what is the matter with finding one on your own?” Ronal had to know. Tiftxey is a wonderful woman in her own right, she passed all of her iknimaya with a strong head, earned her tattoos, and has a small reputation of her own. Who could ever resist her? 

“That is the thing ronal. I just CAN'T decide. There are many available men. All good and wonderful. But I also struggle with myself. What exactly do I want in a mate? A warrior? A fisherman? Someone strong and confident? Or someone who is in tune with their feelings and sensitive? I am stuck. And I know I do not have a lot of time, other women are having their eyes on others too. Please help me! I can't on my own!!” 

That was a lot that Ronal had to process.

Ronal put a lot of thought into it after conversing with her friend. In the end, she agreed to help. Now the problem is still open. Where can she start? Learning from her past experience, she was arranged by the previous tsahik. That is another thing she will have to do later in the future. Perhaps she can use this as practice. However, this is something that cannot have room for any mistakes. Tiftxey is relying on her for this life changing assistance. 

“What has gotten you so lost in your mind, ronal?” 

Ronal turns to see tonowari entering their home with a net full of fish. He sets them down near the fire pit and sits beside ronal. They hug and share a kiss. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, Tonowari tries to read his mate's face. 

“It is tiftxey, she asked something…” Ronal mumbles. 

“What was it?” 

“She asked me to find a mate for her” was the answer. 

It did not surprise Tonowari much, yet couldn't help but feel intrigued. 

“Would that be an arranged marriage..?” he asks.

Ronal looks to the side, thinking it over. 

“Yes..? Well, I believe it will be like that. Choosing someone suitable for her. I thought it over, of course I agreed to help her. This is something that will occur in many years to come” 

Tonowari scratches his chin, silently agreeing. A question still lingers in his mind, “why does she need help?” 

“Cant decide. I can see why. But tonowari, she seems to be ready to mate. Who? Tiftxey cant seem to make up her mind” 

With a sigh, ronal collects some dried seaweed to weave. 

“And have you thought who might be worth of her?” 

“Not exactly, in the next few days I will need to observe all available men. I have to put into consideration her heart and spirit. Make sure no one hurts her, and treats her well” 

Tonowari nods at that, all mates should treat the other well, and equal. It takes two to be in unison. 

Though, the more he thought about it, it seemed like a big task for Ronal to take alone. Maybe she would like some help?

Today a handful of warriors would be out on the beach to train the little ones. It will be a good time for Ronal to observe who is the strongest, patient, and good with children. While it is good to find perfect traits in a lover, but tiftexy must also into account if the potential mate has good traits to be a father. 

To not disturb their work, Ronal stands at a fair distance, to “witness the upbringing of the clan's future warriors” was her excuse. Wasn't a lie either. So, for an hour, Ronal was watching only single males who are mated. Some were strict, some a bit more relaxed, some patient, all good traits. 

“Easy there little one, you must hold it like this” 

A strong, almost deep voice rang into ronal’s ears. 

A warrior was demonstrating how to hold a spear to a child. The male was grinning, flexing a bit of his muscles to impress the admiring little ones. 

Txurtu is his name. Ronal doesn't know much personally, he has his display of tattoos, telling his story. Many admire him for his good yet strict teachings, strong head, and a bit of confidence. He seems to be a good choice, but ronal would have to look deeper. There are more men to observe. 

For now, txurtu seems to be a perfect candidate for tiftxey, tonowari might agree as well. 

Over at the other side of the island was tonowari observing the young artists. Collecting shells and dead corals to make their new masterpiece. Be it for clothing, stories, no spec has gone to waste. Among the artist was a bright eye, warm smile, young male name zet. 

Zet is 2 years younger than Tonowari, but already has a place in the clan. Working closely with the elders, zet is becoming the next story teller. Continuing the old stories while telling new ones. He is good with people, gentle, very patient, and humble. Good traits for any female to fall for. He may not be a warrior or a strong type, but in the eyes of the olo’eyktan, zet is a good man worthy of a good woman. 

He will be perfect for tiftxey. 

So, with a slight smug grin, tonowari takes mental notes. Ronal will most likely be pleased, and hopefully her dear friend as well.

At sundown, both mates arrived at the same time in their home. Smiles matching, positive laughter. Preparing the fire pit, both work together to begin dinner. 

“You seem to be in good spirits,” Tonowari mentions, starting the fire. 

Ronal hums in satisfaction, “Indeed. I bring wonderful news” 

This piques tonowari’s interest, “what a coincidence, so do I” 

Tilting her head, Ronal cues her mate to go first. 

“I believe I have found a perfect match for tiftxey” tonowari proudly says. 

This made ronal lose her smile. And mood. 

“What? I was also about to say so have I” she says. 

Now both were slightly confused, “who did you see as a potential?” the tsahik asks. 

“Zet” 

Ronal almost wanted to scoff, “zet? The poet?” 

Her mate nods, “Yes, he is gentle, kind, listens very well” he lists. 

Ronal shook her head, not to be mean to her love, but secretly….was that the best he could do? Pick the softest male in their clan? Ronal could not imagine him with tiftxey. What would she think? Will she be disappointed? 

Tonowari catched her expressions and read the lines well. She is clearly not satisfied with his choice. 

“You look unpleasant when I mention zet” he pointed out. 

Ronal looks down a bit, then back at him, “that obvious?”

Folding his arms, tonowari nods, “well then, who did you choose ronal?” 

“Txurtu” she answers confidently. 

Now it was tonowari’s turn to almost scoff, “txurtu? The confident brute?” 

Ronal taps his forehead, “he is not a brute. He is strong, a good warrior, and will protect anyone including tiftxey” 

Tonowari shakes his head, slightly grinning, almost wanting to laugh. “He is aggressive, strong headed, stubborn at times. Do you truly believe he will be good enough for tiftxey? You must also take into account how she is. I bet his aggressiveness will push he away” 

Ronal leans a bit in, her eyes becoming a bit more intimidating. “And you believe zet is a far superior choice? Too soft, refuses to hold any form of weapon, his head stuck in the sands. Easily distracted, never truly focused. Tiftxey would be bored of his predictable ways”

Both narrow their eyes, as if in a more challenging way. 

“Well then my wife, it seems there is no other way than to settle this” tonowari says with a slight grit in his teeth. 

“Of course my husband,” Ronal growls. May the best candidate win. 

Tiftxey was enjoying her early morning at her home. It was nice and tidy, a good thorough clean. Cant have a messy home, wouldn't be very impressive to a potential mate. She enjoys her meal of roasted fish wrapped in dried, seasoned seaweed. Delicious in her taste buds, another thing she must perfect is her cooking skills. Have to show she can make tasty meals and provide a good meal. 

Sighing deeply, hope lingering in her eyes and mind imagining scenarios of romantic gestures. It has only been a day since she asked Ronal a huge favor. Asking her now would pressure ronal. From what tiftxey has seen from the previous tsahik, arranging is not an easy task. Have to make sure both partners are matching, yet balancing each out. Certainly there is someone on the island that can be her match. 

“Tiftxey?” 

Turning her head around, tiftxey see's txankrr, her long time neighbor. She has known txankrr just as long as she has known ronal. Not close as best friends but still close. 

“Hello txankrr, care for some roasted fish?” she offers, her neighbors nod. Handing him the most recent cooked fish, she gently wraps it in a leaf so as to not burn his hands. Accepting it, he begins to eat, savoring its delicious flavor. 

“What brings you here early?” tiftxey asks, txankrr hums at remembering his reason. 

“I was making my way to the ilu pens when I saw the tsahik speaking to txurtu. Seemed didn't pay attention until she said your name. Have you finally asked her to help you in finding a mate?” 

Tiftxey nods a bit enthusiastically. 

“Yes! I'm surprised she found someone so quick” 

Txankrr tilts his head slightly, “what do you think of txurtu? Be honest” he asks. 

Tiftxey is silent for a few seconds before answering, “well, I cannot say anything at the moment. To be fair, you did spoil a potential surprise. So, until our tsahik brings him up, I won't say a word” 

Fair. 

So, txankrr lets it go for now.

“Tiftxey, I would like to introduce you to zet” tonowari says as he gestures to zet. The na’vi in topic smiles as he greets tiftxey. This slightly confused her, did ronal tell tonowari of the situation? If so, did they choose together or what is going on? 

“Hello zet” she greets, not wanting to be rude. 

“Zet here is rising to be a storyteller and poet. Knowing his way around the arts and very creative” tonowari proudly lists. This made zet blush a bit. 

“Olo’eyktan, please, you praise too much” he shyly says. Tonowari chuckles, slightly pushing zet forward. “I shall let you two speak alone, get to know each other” he leaves without giving them any room to speak. 

So zet and tiftxey stand in front of each other, smiling and chuckling a bit nervously. 

“Let me be the first to speak, what exactly did our olo’eyktan say to you…?” tiftxey couldn't help but ask. 

Zet rubbed his arm nervously, “he visited my home the other day. Wanting to seeing how I was doing, we spoke until I mentioned that I was in the midst of looking for a mate. He said that it was a coincidence since he knew someone who was also searching for a mate, and then…well, we are here” 

“I see….”

This is an opportunity that she didnt expect but won't deny. It be very rude to both zet and tonowari. So tiftxey will try to make the most of it. 

“Well, why not give it a try? Walk with me?” she asks. Zet nods, still nervous but begins to walk beside her as they start to chat. 

Tonowari is by no means a stalker, he will never invade someone's space and/or their lives. He is respectful, knows to keep a distant, and above all else, knows better than to stoop so low. 

“So what are you doing?” an all too familiar voice asks. 

Tonowari was hiding behind a lushfull bush until he heard ronal’s voice behind him. He turns to see her not so pleased face. 

“Snooping around like some young boy, you are above this tonowari” she colds. 

Before tonowari can explain himself, her eyes drifted and widen slightly. Do her eyes deceive her? Zet side by side with tiftxey? 

“So…you went through it after all” it wasnt even a question. 

“I knew zet is a good fit, I meant it ronal. He will treat her good” he says 

Both silently observe as zet was chatting while tiftxey was paying close attention. They were painting something together, too far to see what it was exactly. Though from what they can tell, they seem to be getting along fine. This however, does not sit well with ronal. 

“Enjoy your small victory husband, tomorrow things will change” Ronal says as she walks away. Tonowari knows she can be stubborn once she makes up her mind. Well, he may not be as stubborn, but he isnt one to give up. 

Dinner was shared between tiftxey and txankrr, chatting anything that comes to mind. 

“How was it with zet? Is he what you are looking for?” txankrr asks before sipping some broth. 

“Hmm…its too soon to say. Today was the first day of getting to know him. However, I do like his artistic views, he chats a lot. Expected since he is on his way to be a story tell to the village. But he gets a bit distracted, and easy too” tiftxey says as she recalls spending her time with him. 

“Dont get me wrong, he is a good man. Perhaps with time I will see more sides of him and fully understand” 

“Reasonable” txankrr agrees. 

Without needing to ask, he silently pours more broth into his friends bowl while adding some meat as well. 

“Are you going to meet him again tomorrow?” he asks. 

“Yes, though I get the feeling something will get in the way…” 

More like someone. 

Mid morning was an agreed time tiftxey and zet agreed to meet, when ronal appeared almost out of nowhere. 

“Tiftxey my friend. I have found a suitable man for you” she says. 

Not giving tiftxey a moment to speak, beside ronal was a tall and muscular na’vi. 

“Hello tiftxey, I am txurtu. I know we barely know each other but hopefully that can grow” txurtu says. His stance was a bit intimidating, strong presence and sharp look. Very different from zet. 

“I looked high and low, in my eyes, he is a potential one. Why not spend some time with him? You will see what I mean” ronal says, and just like tonowari, she leaves them alone. 

“Come, I know a good spot to speak” txurtu takes the lead. Not that tiftxey minded, well, a bit. She didnt want zet to get the wrong idea of ditching her. But she also doesn't want to leave txurtu like that either. 

“Please, tell me about yourself” txurtu asks. His voice strong yet gentle, in hopes to ease her. 

“Look at her, she is admiring his beauty” Ronal says rather smugly. Tonowari rolls his eyes. 

“Is beauty all that matters? Whatever happened to personality and skills?” 

This time it was ronal that was snooping. Silently following txurtu and tiftxey, seeing how they are interacting. In her eyes, they already look perfect for each other. 

“Yes my husband, but a womans eyes enjoy seeing something beautiful. Like how I see you and admire your tattoos. Tiftxey is no different” 

“Are you sure about that tsahik?” 

Tonowari and ronal quickly turn around to see the fisherman, txankrr. 

“Pardon me for startling you, but I couldnt help but notice you two observing a bit too keenly over tiftxey and txurtu” he says. 

The mates look at each other before quickly fixing their posture. 

“Before anything, tiftxey has shared with me what is going on. May I speak in words of advice?” 

Ronal nodds, granting permission. 

 “Tsahik, you know tiftxey just as long as I do. Olo’eyktan, you have known ronal for many years. However, while yes tiftxey has asked to help in search of a mate, it seems you two have taken it in a way that won't do any favors for her” 

Ronal took a slight offense to that, tonowari didn't but also did not like where this is going. 

“You believe I do not know what is good for her?” ronal hisses. Txankrr in her eyes was also passive, not really taking possible chances or opportunities and just let things be. 

“No, in fact, I believe neither of you do” 

Tonowari had to place his arm over ronal before she can jump on txankrr. 

“Please, explain” he urges txankrr before ronal would tie his tail in a knot. If it is even possible. 

“Zet and txurtu are two good men. They are becoming experts in their owns fields of skills and both are contributing to the clan in their ways. They have good traits that a woman would love to have in her partner. I am not saying they are terrible choices. What I have noticed is they are more suited to your ideals” 

Ronal stopped struggling, her ears twitching at txankrrs words. 

“How so?” she asks. 

“Zet is passive, kind, soft, gentle, and chooses words over weapons. Olo’eyktan, if you were not our leader, your ideals would fit almost exactly like zet. Your words are soft, kind, and gentle. You know many stories and would share with those willing to listen. Ronal, txurtu is more like you. A bit brash, stubborn, bold, a warrior and not afraid to hold a weapon to fight. They are ideals because you are putting your interests first, not tiftxey. 

I know this is for her, but you are forgetting her desire, traits, and what she really needs in a mate. Please think this through before either of them gets hurt. For I am starting to notice this is becoming more like a game to you both” 

Silence fell between ronal and tonowari. Letting txankrr’s words echo in their minds. Perhaps he is right, using their own liking traits over the one who should be their priority. 

“It seems….there is much to think over” ronal says. 

“Yes, and fix as well” tonowari agrees. 

Meanwhile tiftxey was having an interesting time of her life. 

“See? I told you, seaweed when seasoned just right, it will compliment the fish” she says as she, zet and txurtu all have an early lunch at the beach. 

“Kelp would make a good substitute if seaweed cannot be contained” zet gives tips. 

“Though this reminds me of that one story about a fish with shiny reflective scales” he goes on. 

Tiftxey gasps happily, “I think I know which one you are talking about” 

“That is a good story, my brother would say it to his children every night” txurtu says. He has pieces stuck to his mouth, tiftxey gently wiped it away for him. 

“This might sound odd, but I have always wondered what an akula would taste like” he confsses. He expected mocking laughter but none came. Zet and tiftxey had thoughtful expressions. 

“We might never know, they are dangerous to capture. Even our olo’eyktan struggled with one” zet mentions. 

“Well, we can only dream about it. But I hope the pincer fish will do it for now?” tiftxey asks as she offers more fish to which zet and txurtu happily accepts. 

“If you two are available, perhaps tomorrow you can come by to my place? I have something that might help with going into the sea” zet offers. Txurtu was the first to accept, tiftxey gladly did too. 

“Maybe after, let's ride on our akula’s? The tides are low enough for good hunting” txurtu offers. All accepted and already planning out the next day will be. 

Okie this one took me a bit, had to think how will the scenarios play out. Happy with how it turned out, hope you all like it! Until next time! See ya!

----------

Tiftxey = choice

zet = treat emotionally, display an attitude towards

Txurtu = strong man

Txankrr = for a long time

[odinsblog]

[re: this post]

The bad news is, I’m stranded because my condo has only one road in and out, and that’s 100% underwater rn

The other bad news is, my car is flooded even though I thought I moved it to higher ground

BUT … the heartening news is this:

This condo complex is roughly 2,500 units so tons of people live here. We were all without power from around 4pm yesterday until 10:30am today

So at daybreak everyone was outside surveying the damage and trying to figure out how to get their sunken cars started and how to get out (we’re just going to have to wait for the waters to recede iMho)

I took one look at my VERY RECENTLY PAID FOR CAR as it sat submerged, and started to head back inside. That’s when a neighbor I’d never met before asked me if my phone was charged. I told her no, it’s completely dead. She then directed me to another neighbor who found one outlet that, for some reason, still had power. There were about 10 or 15 people lined up and someone had gotten probably the longest extension cord w/outlets that I’ve ever seen in my life. If you weren’t already charging your phone on the outlet, there was one outlet spot where everyone was taking turns to get a quick 10 minute charge and make some calls. Apparently everyone had already voted to use one of the extension cord outlets full time for a coffee pot (because coffee, right?)

There was someone else outside whose car wasn’t submerged who was letting people use his car to charge their phones

And then I heard someone say, “Are there any elderly or disabled people living here who we need to go check on?” And I said, “OMG, what about the lady on the 7th floor? She’s in a wheelchair!” And someone else said that the elevator was out because of no power, and I was like, “So? Are the stairs broken? I can run up and go check on her.” And then someone else was like, “She died a couple of years ago.” And we were all like, “Ohhh.”

I’m rambling a bit, but the point is, it was super refreshing to see people working together and sharing and helping each other. This wasn’t a disaster by any stretch of the imagination. At worst, it has merely been a big inconvenience. But it was still nice to see neighbors (many of whom were strangers until this morning) being nice and helpful to each other

It reaffirms what I’ve always believed: in difficult times most people WILL work together—without any personal or monetary incentive. So please don’t believe greedy ass mutha fuckers when they opine about survival of the fittest and making a quick profit off of someone else’s suffering. It doesn’t have to be that way, and most often, it isn’t that way

And yeah, I know that my small experience wasn’t a dire situation and no lives were on the line (like they are where the hurricane actually made landfall), but I would like to believe that my microcosm is the norm for similar macrocosms

I believe that most people are good at heart, or at the very least, they WANT to be good and sometimes just need a nudge in the right direction

Anyway, I guess it’s about time for me to go do battle with my car insurance company (now talk about evil entities!) to see what up with my partially submerged vehicle

If anyone has done this insurance claim dance before, I’m open to some friendly advice bc this is brand new for me

Please have a great day today everyone ✌🏿

[polutrope]

You like Daeron/Maglor and Maedhros/Maglor, right? Have you ever thought about Maedhros/Maglor/Daeron? The three of them together, in a threesome or polyamorous relationship? Have you ever thought about writing this or your opinion about this ship and idea?

"You like the emissary of Doriath," says Maedhros.

The lamp Maglor attempts to light spits hot oil on his hand. He hisses, flicks his wrist, then strikes the flint again. 

The flame leaps awake and washes the room in saffron light. Maglor sets his sights on his brother, who drapes his heavy robe over the back of a chair.

Over the course of a day of councils and speeches and feasts and, at the last, dancing, strands of Maedhros' hair have come loose from his braid, and they curl, soft orange tendrils, about the edges of his profile. Drawing near, Maglor takes one and twists it around his finger; he arranges it over the jut of Maedhros' collarbone and drags the heel of his palm down his chest.

Maedhros seizes his hand before it can travel lower. "Answer my question."

"I did not think it was a question," says Maglor. He smiles coyly, then nips at Maedhros' knuckles. "But, well. If you say so." Twisting his free hand through Maedhros' sash, he tugs him closer. "Though I know not which emissary you mean."

Maedhros pulls a sharp breath as Maglor attempts to knee him towards the cot at their tent's further wall. But Maedhros is immovable. In answer, he thrusts the blunt end of his wrist between Maglor's thighs. Maglor moans, bucks involuntarily.

"Mm, as I thought. How long have you been thus? Since the morning's council, when you could not let a single remark from Elwe's minstrel go by without inserting some pithy witticism of your own? Or was it during the evening's entertainment, when you could not keep from scraping your teeth across your lips, watching his fingers fly over his pipes?"

"Nelyo..." Maglor whimpers into the curve of Maedhros' shoulder, weak now from the firm pressure of Maedhros' forearm rubbing him full. "I want... you... please..."

At last Maedhros lets go of the hand clutched between their bodies and tips Maglor's face up by the chin. "Do you?" He kisses him, and Maglor's eyes pinch shut with pleasure, but upon the backs of his lids is Daeron -- dark, deft, enchanting Daeron, quirking a smile, inviting, even as Maglor disentangled himself from the swirl of dancing bodies to follow his lord-brother to bed.

Maglor pushes hard against such thoughts. "Do you think me so wayward?" he teases, as he loops his arms around Maedhros' waist to work free the ties of his sash.

On a sudden, Maedhros pushes him off. "Go to him," he says.

"What?" Maglor staggers.

"Go to Daeron. I am certain he will not deny you."

There is no bitterness or deception in Maedhros' manner, and at that Maglor wonders. There has been no other between them since their exile; it was, until mere hours ago, unthinkable to Maglor that he could ever again desire another.

"But..." Maglor says. "You would sleep alone?"

Maedhros hates to sleep alone; does not sleep at all, Maglor knows, on the many many nights they must spend apart, now they are lords of their own lands. Surely, Maedhros has not brought him so far merely to talk of defenses and alliances and send him to bed with Doriath's messenger. With Doriath's messenger, of all people! At that Maglor almost laughs, for his brother's present instruction is altogether contrary to habit, crude compared to the intricate steps Maedhros dances around those with power.

"I am content," he assures Maglor, and guesses at his second thought, too, saying, "and I trust you not to dash all hope of alliance in a single night. Do prove my trust well-placed, won't you?"

Maglor nods, and Maedhros kisses the crown of his head. As Maglor makes to leave, Maedhros takes him by the hand. "One thing." Maglor turns. "Tomorrow, you are mine."

[shitsndgiggs]

You know the one about Jobe being the insecure one in the relationship bc of Jude but how about the reader being the one insecure because Jobe is starting to really blow up and has so many girls in his dm's alllll the time but he ofc does everything to reasure you xx

FOR ME, ITS YOU - JOBE BELLINGHAM

… idk

Jobe Bellingham x fem! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

I was scrolling through my phone, aimlessly flipping between apps, but my mind was far from the glowing screen. Ever since Jobe’s football career had started to take off, things had changed.

He was blowing up—his name in headlines, interviews, more fans, and… DMs. Tons of them.

And not just any DMs. Beautiful girls, influencers, models—women I could only dream of looking like.

They flooded his notifications, and it gnawed at me. I tried to push the thoughts away, but they kept creeping in.

What if he realized he could do better?

Jobe was sitting across the room, scrolling through his phone, oblivious to the knot of insecurity that had been tightening in my chest.

Every time I glanced at him, my thoughts spiraled. What if he was talking to one of them? What if they were funnier or more interesting? What if he started to lose interest in me?

Before I could stop myself, the words slipped out. “You’ve been getting a lot of attention lately.”

Jobe looked up from his phone, a puzzled look on his face. “What do you mean?”

I shrugged, trying to keep my tone light, but failing miserably. “You know... all the DMs, comments, the girls. I see them, Jobe. They're all so—" I paused, unsure how to even finish the sentence, “...gorgeous.”

His expression softened immediately. “Wait, is that what’s been bothering you?”

I avoided his gaze, suddenly feeling silly for even bringing it up. But it was eating me up inside, and I couldn’t pretend anymore. “I just… sometimes I wonder if you’ll realize you could be with someone like them. Someone who’s... better.”

Jobe set his phone down and crossed the room, sitting beside me on the couch. He gently took my hand, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. “You really think I’d want to be with anyone else?”

I shrugged, still staring at the floor. “I mean, look at them. They’re flawless, and they seem so perfect for you. You’re blowing up right now, Jobe, and I can’t help but feel like... maybe I’m not enough.”

He turned toward me, his hand cupping my chin and lifting my face so our eyes met. “I don’t care about any of that,” he said softly but firmly. “You’re the one I want. Not them. You.”

I tried to smile, but it didn’t reach my eyes. “But they’re so—”

“Stop,” Jobe interrupted, his voice full of sincerity. “Yeah, maybe they’re models or influencers, but I don’t care about any of that. You think I care about some random girl sliding into my DMs when I’ve got you?”

I looked at him, my heart aching with uncertainty. “But why me? You could have anyone, Jobe.”

He let out a small laugh, shaking his head. “Why you? Because you’re the one who’s been with me from the start. You’re the one who knows me better than anyone. You’re the one who makes me laugh, who supports me, who’s real with me. None of those girls know me like you do. They don’t mean anything compared to you.”

I blinked back tears, trying to believe him, but my insecurities still lingered. “But what if—”

“No,” he said firmly, leaning in closer, his voice gentle but unwavering. “I don’t want them. I want you. You’re more than enough. You’re everything I need, everything I want.”

He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, his eyes full of warmth. “I love how you’re always there for me. I love how you know all my quirks and still put up with me. I love how you make me feel grounded when everything else is crazy. That’s what matters to me, not a bunch of likes or DMs from people who don’t even know who I am.”

I finally let out a small laugh, feeling the tension in my chest start to loosen. “You’re really not interested in them?”

Jobe smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Not even a little bit. Besides, they don’t have anything on you.”

I rolled my eyes, but a genuine smile tugged at my lips. “You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m serious,” he said, pulling me into a tight hug. “You’re beautiful, and you’re everything I could ask for. I’m lucky to have you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

As I rested my head on his shoulder, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, his words finally started to sink in. Maybe I didn’t need to compare myself to all those other girls. Jobe chose me. And for now, that was enough.

“I love you,” I whispered, my voice soft.

He kissed the top of my head and smiled against my hair. “I love you too, and nothing’s going to change that.”

[patpranishome]

Like I said in the previous post, I had spent the entire night binge-watching The Spirealm and by the time I finished it, I could not delay my sleep anymore because I had to go to work the next day. So, I didn’t have time to write my thoughts coherently about this series except for a few snippets of posts here and there. Therefore, I want to use this opportunity to convey my feelings about the show and my thoughts on it. 

First, and foremost, I want to thank every single person that recommended the show. Every single one of you. If not for you hyping the show so much, I would not even touch the show. How horrible is that? Being deprived of a masterpiece which sat in front of you because you refused even to acknowledge its existence.

Second, OH MY GOD THE SHOW IS SO FREAKING GOOD!!! Going into the show, I was not exactly putting much hope into the plot and was just here for the bromance. But, the plot is so good. It had been a while for me to put my whole focus on a show and truly digest the plot of it.  I have never read the book and probably will never read it, but, based on my experience with Chinese bromance shows, sometimes when the setting of the show needs to be changed to adhere to the censorship rules, the plot of the show becomes way too convoluted to the point of incoherence and sometimes downright ridiculous (Guardian, I love you but, you are the worst offender of this). However, this show managed to change the fundamental setting of the story which is supernatural happenings to VR Game almost flawlessly. They set their own rules and managed to stick to them which gave the viewers the ability to understand and follow along while still maintaining the bigger parts of the show. At one point I felt my reason for watching the show changed. If before the romance is the main dish and the plot is salad, now, the plot is the full meal and the romance is the sweet bonus dessert you get free of charge. 

Next, also related to the plot, is how the show team managed to make the show feel alive and lived in. They make every single speaking character in the show feel like a human. Sure, some of them are downright despicable ( looking at you, Yan Shihe, may you rot in hell) but, they still feel human, even the non-human also felt human. Which leads to the woman in this series.

Quoting the wise word of Le Sserafim, “All the girls are girling girling, all the girls are girling girling, all the girly girls.” I. Love. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. The only time I cried in this show apart from Ruan Nanzhu scenes is Tan Zaozao’s death. From the first time she appeared in the show, I was already half in love with her. Sure, she might not be the brightest in the head but, she is so lovable that I understand how even Ruan Nanzhu is willing to break his principle to save her. I had to stop watching the show for a moment when her video ended because I was just plain sobbing (And I have to stop talking about her right now because man, do I have so many things to say about her). And she is only one example of a female character that I like in the show. Yeah, you read that right, one of the many female characters which was kind of a luxury in this type of show. And many of them are likeable and have so much depth even though they are just NPC. This show even makes me like Zuozi/Sako, the girl that scared the shit out of me every time she appeared on the screen (That moment when the three lady ghosts just chilling and vibing with each other at the final episode is one of the highlights of the show for me).

The set design in the show is *Chef’s kiss*. I was so used to weird CGI sets that the practical set in this show is such a fresh breath to me. Every single door has a distinctive vibe that is very different from one other. The combination of amazing set design, good lighting and clever camera angle really help you to be immersed in the story told in each door. The overall vibe of the show is really something that I cannot quite express in words because it was very specific, but, if I do have to try, the show gave me the dark sky after rain kind of vibe. Like, you know, the rain has stopped but, the sky is still dark, promising more rain to come. That kind of a vibe but, not quite. I am truly vibing the vibe because the show, at least for me, is always carrying this melancholic vibe even during its funny moments.

Lastly, Ruan Nanzhu and Lin Qiushi. Man, it has been a while since a pairing hit me hard like this. The last time this happened was my namesake, and they still reign supreme. But, RNZ and LQS brought with them this understanding and acceptance that was so intimate and private. There was no doubt that they loved each other. I mean, LQS spent fifty years of his life just to recreate the world where RNZ existed so they could be together. RNZ bet his life away if it meant LQS could live happily and safely. The actors brought this character to life so well that they understood the assignment clearly and made sure the sub in the subtext was silent. Bro, Xia Zhi Guang’s Nanzhu is so magnetic, charismatic, and intense that every time he is on the screen, he just takes my breath away. Huang JunJie, for me at first, was just okay but, slowly he grew on me with this casual way he acted like he was Lin Qiu Shi. He did small things, but those small things shaped the character well. The scene where he was trying to break down the door to save Ruan Nanzhu. Phe👏No👏Me👏Nal👏. And his smile is so cute. Anytime these two were in the same room alone, it felt hard to breathe even though they were doing nothing, just looking at each other. Their love for each other was never uttered, but it was never silent. 

And because of that, I would probably never read the book, well, at least for now. Even before the show, horror genre books had never been my favourite. So, the interest in reading the book before the show is already all-time low. I was satisfied with how the show ended and I wanted to preserve that feeling as long as I could. This is because I knew that I would start comparing the book and the show, and then, I would be left with what if which would affect my feelings for the show. I also love the portrayal of Ruan Nanzhu and Lin Qiushi in the show, and I am aware that there is a difference between the characters in the show and the book. As of now, I just do not have the capability to separate the book and the show as two different stories which was, for me, probably the best way to enjoy both of the two worlds. 

I have no idea if it was recency bias or what, but, I would put it at the top of my favourite BL series of all time. I may get hate for this but, I truly would put it even above The Untamed, a series that endeared me greatly. The Spirealm left me with this lingering feeling that I cannot understand and the urge to rewatch it again. I am not even a rewatch person. I am sorry for this long ass post. I thought I would be able to express my thoughts clearly after a bit of time, alas, I am still greatly affected by the show to the extent I just felt the need to shout out this feeling into the world.

[alexisnotstraight]

My Chemical Romance for Kerrang, by Tom Bryant and Catherine Yates. 25/09/04

My Chemical Romance will be massive if only Gerard Way can keep it together long enough.

It was in Kansas City that Gerard Way cracked. My Chemical Romance's frontman woke up and wanted to end it all. He'd forgotten how many times he'd woken up depressed in the weeks leading up to that moment, he'd forgotten how many times he'd gone to sleep on a a cocktail of alcohol and pilis and he'd had enough.

Soon after he was in Japan, backstage at Tokyo's Summer Sonic festival. He'd been vomiting in a bin for 10 solid minutes, the result of a sake binge. His band were standing around him not knowing what to do, not knowing how to get through the show, not knowing how their best friend had got himself into this state without them noticing. Then, three days later back in their hometown of New Jersey, the band sacked their drummer, Matt Pelissier. From the outside it had locked as if nothing could stop My Chemical Romance's rise. Their sensational new album, 'Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge', was a culmination of everything they had worked for, a desperate gamble that was paying off phenomenally. Then, suddenly, it all came apart and unravelled dramatically night in front of them.

Today, in New York, Gerard Way is sober and has been for 12 days. He's dressed head to toe in black and he smells bad. It's a potent mixture of the cigarettes that permanently hang from the comer of his mouth and the sweat from yesterday's show. He knows it too.

"You know when it's really bad," he says with a smile. "It's really bad when you disgust even yourself."

He cuts a strange figure, almost as though he doesn't belong inside his own body. His cherubic, baby face is framed by lank, black hair. His shoulders are hunched over a result of a slipped disc and a problematic spine condition-giving him the appearance of a brooding, camp history professor. He looks both too young for his 27 years and too old for them also. His face puts him at roughly 15 years old, his body and strange charisma give him the air of someone who has lived a long life full of weirdness. It's hard to put your finger on him-at times he's stunningly honest, at others he can clam up. He is, though, enormously likeable and naturally intelligent. He also likes to be in control.

"Control is important to me because musically we're so out of control," he says "This band is so on edge that I want everything else in my life to be controlled. I need it to stay sane."

He also worries a lot- "it's the curse of the Ways", he says. Right now he's worrying about that day in Kansas City and what lead him to that state.

"I have the potential to be a fantastic alcoholic," he states bluntly. "I could be really, really good at it. You have to be careful in a band-you can become an alcoholic really quickly, then the booze leads to the pills, the pills lead to the coke and so on. it's all interconnected."

This is a Gerard Way who's turning over a new leaf. For months he'd been hiding his depression and drinking from his band. Today, in front of them, he's happy to talk about it openly to anyone who asks him, it's almost as if just speaking about it is making him feel stronger, making him feel in control of it. It seems a strange condition to have got himself into though, given the potential of his band.

"I hope this doesn't come across as an excuse," he says. "But I think at times people want you to play the part of the fucked-up drunk singer. So you start playing it for a while and then suddenly you realise you're not acting anymore you are that horrible person. That's what I realised in Kansas. I'd been drinking heavily before shows to get myself up and I'd drink more to stay high after the set. Then I'd mave onto pills to bring myself down again. I was constantly trying to artificially control my brain - I thought I could get a real handle on it. Then occasionally I'd start dabbling in other garbage - nothing major but just enough so that I'd got to that point where I was standing on theedge. That's where I was that moming in Kansas."

All the while he is saying this he is looking at each band member. They occasionally look up at him but mostly gaze at the floor - this is painful for them, too. But this is not a shameful admission, instead it's one that Way feels is setting him free, is helping him identify where he went wrong.

"I woke up that moming and I felt completely desperate, I wanted everything to stop I wanted it all to be over. I wanted to freak out, I wanted to smash things and I wanted to hurt myself while I was doing it. I was entirely depressed, suicidal and all that garbage. I warned it all over, all of it... everything."

He phoned a friend who taked him through it, who said that if he could just make it through to Japan then he could come home, he could go back to the therapist he's been seeing for years and could think about rehab. Then he went to each member of the band individually and told them everything.

"We knew he drank too much," says guitarist Ray Toro. "I don't think we realised the full extent of the problem, though. We felt I like, 'What did we miss? Could we have done something sooner?". But don't think Gerard would have listened if we had, I think he had to do it for himself"

"I needed that support," says Way, who did go back into therapy but chose to go cold turkey rather than head into rehab "I'm still scared, though, I worry it could happen again and I could end up dead. When this band started, it saved my life. I got saved, then I went off the rails again and the band come to to my rescue a second time: I hope it's now an excuse to keep stable, because it's all that I have now."

The spirit within in My Chemical Romance is perhaps stronger now than it's ever been. Perhaps it has something to do with Way's honesty towards them, a feeling that they know he can confide his deepest problems to them and that they can be there for him. Perhaps it's because they know that they have written one of the stand-out albums of the year. Either way, this is a band full of confidence, who have no fear of making statements.

"This album gives us a shot," says Way "This gives us a chance to stand up against some really big bands and ask them if they can compete, if they can push the envelope and bring some new ideas."

Their self- belief is phenomenal, but for now it it doesn't doesn't crass into arrogance.

"I don't think we could ever be arrogant," says Toro "Our backgrounds will keep us grounded. We're al working class and I don't think it's in our nature to go that way. I still live at home, my mom still yells at me for playing my guitar too loud - that will tend to keep you grounded."

"But that doesn't mean we don't think we can achieve anything," says fellow guitarist Frank lero "To get to this point means we must be doing something special. I've had a feeling recently. It feels like this dream-the dream of being in a great band has come true through luck, hard work and persistence. If that's possible, then all my other dreams are possible, too."

"Without sounding completely out of my mind," adds Way, "I believe that anything is possible."

It's perhaps this confidence, this belief in their own ability and their ambition to take things further that spelled the end for ex-drummer Matt Pelissier. The band are tight-lipped about what exactly happened.

"I don't want to make things public," says Toro, "We know why we made the decision and we hope he does too. But, from our end, it will stay between Matt and us."

It's not the route Pelissier chose to take. He instantly went on to the band's messageboards. Parts of this post give some reasons as to his departure, but you sense they don't tell the whole story.

"They told me I'm cut of the band because they are uncomfortable with me onstage and they're afraid I'l mess up," he wrote. "I've had some whoppers on a few occasions - I'll never deny I'm human, but we all make mistakes... Do I think I've been shafted? Yeah. What happened to the five brothers that loved each other more than anything else on Earth? I gave up everything for each one of them."

My Chemical Romance don't want to get into a sanging match with their ex-bandmate, but what Toro will say is that, "Musically we know we are stronger now". Then, perhaps more tellingly, "We can look each other in the eye and feel love between us. That's definitely true now".

"If I'm going to say anything about anyone being fired," adds Gerard Way, "then it's that this band is about giving a a shit about each other, about looking people in the fucking eye and knowing you care about them, that they care about you and knowing that's the truth. That's not directed at Matt, that's directed at the whole band."

What it has meant is that the band are on even more of a high, that they finally feel as if all the cogs have fallen into place. Watching them. play at Irving Plaza later that night is a revelation, lero whirls around the stage manically, spinning into amps, mic stands and collapsing on the floor. New drummer Bob, who looked nervous and perhaps felt out of place during the interview - is all smiles. Gerard's younger brother Mikey - the youngest meriber of the band ("He needs a bit of looking after," laughed lero earlier. "I once caught him going into a shower with an electric heater!") - beams at the crowd. The real chemistry live is between Toro's brutally eloquent guitar-lines and Way's all-encompassing charisma.

The frontman stalks the stage like a Southem preacher, goading the crowd, getting in their faces, calling down a hail of fire and brimstone. Toro Is behind him reinforcing his sermon with alternating violence and calm. To watch them here, in their natural habitat, in front of what is virtually a hometown crowd, is to watch a band who will soon be too big for venues like this. A band whose latest release mixes it with the biggest around.

And, providing Gerard Way can keep his head together, a band who might just go all the way.

Written by Tom Bryant

The band of the moment seal their claim to greatness.

If the creative and the commercial don't always have to be mutually exclusive agents in music, then no-one has told yourcodenameis:milo. Fresh from their K! Awards glory, the Newcastle quintet have been a post-hardcore buzzword for a while now. Fine in itself - for those fond of tortuous intricacy and ever more obscure, jarring arrangements, they hit atonal paydirt in style. But their angular contortions make for a dour spectacle that leaves you wondering just how long their new-found major label tenure is going to last.

My Chemical Romance have no such qualms. The final night of their biggest UK tour to date is the hottest ticket in town and it's easy enough to see why. Subverting emo's plaintive self-absorption with a crash and burn bloodrush of black humour and cinematic verve, this New Jersey quintet are a hair-raising breath of blistering immediacy - so much so, that with barely a week in the sales rack, the crowd are hollering out the lyrics to new album 'Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge' as if they were decade-old classics.

Chances are they might stand such a test of time, too. Accessible without being empty, intelligent without the need to

advertise, and able to summon the full metallic KO on demand, they swiftly outmanoeuvre any crude screamo/Goth-punk tag with an exuberant flourish that suggests their sights are set on greater things.

Much of this of course is down to the antics of singer Gerard Way. It's not as if MCR are thin on character, but the frontman makes for compulsive viewing. Clad in a shabby black suit, his eyes smudged crimson, he flails and pitches like an overcranked, clockwork ghoul exuding a freakish yet magnetic charisma. It is, he announces, his 20th show sober, although he infuses the unashamedly teen-core frenzy of 'I'm Not OK (I Promise)' and 'Helena''s bolt -gun swoon with such unhinged theatre you can only wonder what he was like before he nixed the booze.

Though the truncated set (due to the last minute replacement of drummer Matt Pelissier) means their white-knuckle ride runs its course inside of 40 minutes, it's enough to convince most here tonight that this will be a romance worth pursuing.

My Chemical Romance frontman pays homage to metal gods in London boozer.

My Chemical Romance frontman, Gerard Way teamed up with Canadian riff- rock duo Death From Above 1979 at an intimate secret gig at London's Crobar on September 14.

The vocalist hot-footed it to the bar moments after the New Jersey mob's sold-out show at the Mean Fiddler, joining the Toronto twosome onstage for a spirited cover version of Danzig's 1988 classic 'Mother'

"Someone said it would be a good idea to do two shows in one night," explains Death From Above 1979 bassist Jesse F Keeler, who opened for My Chemical Romance on their recent headlining UK tour. "We've been hanging out with them for the last four days and thought it would be cool to do a cover with Gerard."

"We were all talking about how fucking good the jukebox is at the Crobar," Way tells Kerrang! "They've got Danzig's first album on there, so it made sense to do one of his songs. It's been my dream to sing a Danzig song onstage and I loved it."

As well as bonding over a mutual love of the diminutive former Misfits/Samhain frontman, Way, Keeler and DFA drummer Sebastien Grainger have connected, somewhat unusually, over hairdressing.

"The hairstyle Gerard sports is my doing," laughs Keeler. "I'm not a hairdresser by trade, but hairdressing is a bullshit art. Once you know how to do it, it's not difficult. I've dated hairdressers and have cut hair for a decade."

"I love it," says Way, the satisfied customer. "It was a drag to care for. Split ends and everything! It's one of the best haircuts I've ever had. I offered them some beer, but they had plenty."

Written by Catherine Yates

[gibbearish]

are we really back to "oh you support (blank)? name ten people who (do/are) that right now or else youre lying for allyship points and everything you have to say should be disregarded". i thought we left that back in like. 2012 misogynist nerdbro culture

[designernishiki]

today on tumblr user designernishiki’s autistic-with-a-special-interest-in-psychology deep dives: dissecting the hell out of kiryu/nishiki’s childhoods and kazama’s parenting (or lack thereof) and how it all relates to their emotional development (or lack thereof). they will never be safe from my psychoanalyses

[sqlmn]

Misc white haired OCs! (all different plots except Nene/Koko who are brothers)

Eclipse > an ancient being who is in charge of seven other beings who are constantly reincarnated. he exists to rope in some person to gather the seven others and then that person is meant to imprison them/end the cycle but everyone keeps getting attached to the seven and can't bring themselves to "kill" them so they opt to restart their lives and reincarnate them.

Yugo > the unluckiest guy who tries to go to a fortune teller to see if his life will get any better. While walking in her shop, he gets spooked by something and knocks over a crystal ball which releases five souls that then possess him. Now those five can all possess him and control him and he's just like "honestly idk what I expected".

Bryant > only partially white haired but I've never drawn him digitally before and it's so funny to me that his ref is pencil scribbles and notes. He's a god of murder. Named Bryant. And I think that's very lame of him.

Nene and Koko > brother cat spirits who can appear human or as a split-tailed cat. When Koko is a cat, he's soooo fluffy that the human they hang out with dubs him "Snowball" and when Nene gets all hissy over it, the guy is like "awww it's ok you can be Snowflake as a cat" which. Naturally makes Nene more angry. Oh well.

Amira > very side character in a plot and is a blind prophet. Has a brother named Ravi who watches out for her and protects her from social interactions most of the time. Because of this, she's shy and rather inept at social situations. She can pinpoint the topic of her predictions pretty well but sometimes the clarity is harder to see for her if she tries to pinpoint it too much.