#my absolute panic on friday when i realized i had done NOTHING

[talesfromthecrypts]

VCSOURCE HALLOWEEN 2024 EVENT: DAY 4

↳ Favorite Costumes: Top 4 per Lead

[futurecorps3]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬

Masterlist<3

Summary: Sirius and reader plan a romantic dinner for a very tired Remus Pairing: Poly!wolfstar x reader Warnings: mentions of sex and that’s all, I think! It's fluff and post!war where absolutely nothing went wrong because Reggie was a spy for the Order just like in canon duh Word Count: 1.4K Requested: No

Sirius leaned against the kitchen counter, a playful twinkle in his eyes, and said, "You know, love, if our cooking skills don't impress Moony tonight, at least our charm will do the trick." Y/N laughed, adding a bit more salt to the pasta they had been working on for about an hour now.

"Bet your pretty smile and my dazzling gaze will be fit enough… I really hope he likes it though," she mumbled that last part, feeling a pair of arms round her from the back. "I'm sure he'll love it," Sirius whispered, kissing his girl's cheek and moving on to whisk the eggs for the brownies they were baking for dessert.

It was Remus' first year as a professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. He had started the charge right after the war ended, and the trio had settled into a lovely flat on Eaton Square—a two-story building bought with Black family money. ("One thing my mum and dad will be good for!" Sirius had said back when he bought it.) They were slowly transforming it into a home. During the war, they realized they had the power to turn even a cavern into a warm place, as long as the three of them were together.

For the past week, Remus had come home absolutely drained. When he jumped into bed or the couch with them, he'd fall asleep right away and still wake up tired. Sirius and Y/N were aware that he was struggling to adapt to new routines; going from spending all his time with the people he almost lost to teaching six classes a day with minimal breaks was becoming challenging for him.

He'd adjust eventually and would be back to his old self, but for now, their boy was tired, and all they wanted was to treat him with every ounce of love and care he deserved. So, when Remus told them that he'd be coming home earlier that Friday, they decided to go all out with a romantic home-cooked dinner.

"Can you try this? I-I think it's a bit insipid," she said, stirring the cream-based sauce that was ready to serve, pouring a bit onto the back of her hand for Sirius to lick. His tongue gathered the liquid, and his eyes opened in shock. "That's amazing! D-don't change anything; it's perfect, baby," he smiled, grabbing the spoon from his girlfriend and taking more of it into his mouth, directly from the spoon to then place it back inside the boiling pot.

He either didn't mind or didn't think about it; knowing him, it was probably the latter. "Sirius, no!" she half-scolded while laughing, slapping his shoulder playfully. "Wouldn't be the first time my saliva is in either yours or Moony's mou- oi!" he snickered as the girl assaulted him again, all tiny hands against his broad figure. "You're disgusting," Y/N smiled, walking over to the dining table where a white tablecloth was set.

While the noodles cooked and her boyfriend danced to Queen while baking their last course planned for the night, she set the table. Y/N knew her boys to perfection, and Remus had always appreciated neat and aesthetically pleasing settings for their dates, and while this was not exactly one, she wanted it all to be perfect. Before coming home from a job interview that day, she stopped by and bought some candles and a nice bottle of wine; red. He loved red wine.

As she picked the bottle, she wondered how many bottles they'd collect as time passed and their flat became truly theirs. She smiled.

"Love, the water's doing it again…" she heard Sirius warn in a quiet panic and almost giggled. "Just stir them for a bit and turn off the stove; they're almost done," the girl reassured as she placed the brand-new silverware Regulus and James had gotten them when they first moved in neatly over the tablecloth, right next to the plates and careful that no wax could reach them when the candles eventually melted.

When all places were set and ready to be occupied—a bouquet of red roses and baby's breath in Remus', courtesy of their boyfriend—she returned to the kitchen. Her pasta was done, and brownies were in the oven. She found Sirius cleaning his rings, which he hadn't bothered to take off and were now covered in flour, delicate fingers gently scrubbing off the white powder.

Y/N took in the sight of him. He was going on about something that happened to him on the way home, about how he fought a lady for Moony's bouquet or something. She really didn't care when he looked like that. His long, black hair was tied in a messy bun with his wand, with a few strands falling out, a Rolling Stones t-shirt he turned into a crop top let a glimpse of his v-line show, as if it was purposely teasing his girlfriend, jeans hanging low and covered in flour.

Fuck. She scored. "… and so I told he- what are you doing?" he questioned when approached. Y/N stepped between the sink and his body, looking up at him while biting her lip. He felt her fingers hook on the empty belt loops of his pants, making him press flush against her body. "You're too pretty for this world; did you know that? Who gave you permission, Sirius? Do you think it's okay to be this perfect and just… exist like you're not this gorgeous?" she asked in all seriousness, making him blush and snicker at her flirting.

They were always like that with each other. Always flirting. Always trying to make each other blush. That, until Remus stepped in and made them both blush, fluster, and giggle like twelve-year-olds who just pecked someone else's lips for the first time.

"Careful. My brownies are still in the oven, and Moony won't take long in getting home," he warned, his eyes darkening a bit. "And?" she teased, scratching the bit of stomach exposed he displayed. "And if I bend you over-the-counter right now, dessert will be ruined, Remus will get too distracted in punishing us, and dinner will never happen. Just be patient," he groaned, stroking her face and kissing the corner of her lips, turning to clean his hands once again.

She ran her hands through his chest and screamed into his back in frustration, making his chest bubble with laughter. Right after, keys jingled in the front door, and they were both quickly at the door, smiling at each other like they held some secret intel Remus could never know about, and in some sense, they did.

Their boyfriend walked through the door, looking at them like they had grown two heads as he discarded his coat and boots by the door. "Well, hello," he smirked, walking over them and kissing their lips gently. "Are you baking something? I thought we'd do that on Saturday when Harry came over," he asked, trying to peek over their heads before Y/N pulled his head down with both her hands on his cheeks.

"We've got a surprise. Go change into something more comfortable and meet us in the dining hall." She smiled. "Dining hall?" Remus laughed, shaking his head as he felt electricity running through him with the information. Sirius remained serious as he nodded at their girlfriend's statement. "Yes, the dining hall, dear. Now go, c'mon," he encouraged, patting his shoulders as he walked away.

They used the time he took in putting some joggers and a shirt on to serve the pasta and place it on the table. Pads took care of the wine and looked up giddily at their boy paddling through the floor in disbelief. "Come sit." Y/N smiled gently, having changed the record to The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars; Remus' favorite. "Oh, I absolutely despise you both," he said, running a scarred hand through his curls as he approached the table with a soft smile playing on his lips.

Remus eyed the food, the table, and the soft music playing in the background, somehow managing to keep it together. Until he saw the flowers. He picked them up and looked at his partners with utter adoration in his eyes. "Fuck you," he laughed as tears prickled his eyes, making his boyfriend and girlfriend walk over to him to engulf him in a tight hug.

He felt safe and protected, even when he was very clearly towering over both of them. "We know you've been having a hard time coping with change, so we wanted to do something special for you," Y/N mumbled against his chest, stroking his back comfortingly. "The things I cooked might be shit… know I made them with a lot of love though," Sirius joked, kissing Remus' cheeks, which left a salty taste in his mouth. Moony laughed airily.

Surrounded by the warmth of his partners, Remus felt a surge of emotion. It wasn't just relief; it was a profound sense of belonging. Y/N's lips pressed against his cheek, leaving a lingering warmth, while Sirius's hand ruffled his hair in a gesture that felt both affectionate and familiar. "Come on, or it'll get cold."

They sat at the table, humming to the tunes playing in the background as they rambled about their day, sharing minutes of comfortable silence accompanied by loving glances out of nowhere. After the war ended, this is what they longed for. The trio would never forget how they fantasized about simpler times while laying on icy surfaces or in the woods, praying to whoever was willing to listen for a crumb of grace and a bit of luck to find solace after all that was done with.

As their eyes locked, there was an unspoken promise of enjoying the one thing they dreamed of a few years ago lingering in the air. They were giving themselves and each other a gentler life, a kinder environment, and a safe haven they could always go to. A safe haven with great pasta.

"Shit, dove… this is amazing! Where's the recipe from?" Remus exclaimed, resisting the urge to lick the plate and limiting himself to only gathering the leftover sauce with his fork like a civilized person. "I called Effie.” "Bless her soul," Sirius groaned in a solemn tone, licking the plate. Moony chuckled and drank the last bit of his wine as Y/N playfully scolded him. How he loved them, he thought.

Y/N slipped off her shoes and started prancing around to the music with a glass of wine on her way to serve dessert, a pair of warm smiles beaming at her going unnoticed as she was too lost in the beats. She paid attention to the plating, so she grabbed the small plates they had with tiny flowers on them and sprinkled some powdered sugar on top of the brownies her boyfriend baked.

"Here you go." She smiled, kissing both Sirius' and Remus' cheeks as she put the plates in front of them after putting hers on the place, sitting back down the next second. They bit into the pastry at the same time Padfoot waited for their verdict. "So? How'd I do?" He asks, in a concerned state his partners found hilarious, seeing how seriously he was taking the whole situation.

Y/N's expression turned into a disgusted frown as she chewed but quickly replaced it with a smile, making the change obvious to Sirius. "What was that!?" the black-haired boy said with wide eyes, taking a bite off the dessert himself and frowning when he actually found it good. "Come on love, it can't be that bad," Remus said, biting into his piece and closing his eyes in disgust in a very exaggerated manner.

"The-they're good, baby." She smiles, leaving the large piece untouched in her plate as she looked at him with sympathetic eyes. "I tried them; I did a bloody great job, so don't co-". His partners erupted in laughter. Moony almost cried, and Y/N's tummy hurt as Sirius shook his head with an upset pout.

"You're so mean. I hate you both. I'll never bake for you again!" "No, love, come on! We're sorry I-I just saw where Y/N was going and played along," Remus laughed, reaching over to engulf him in a hug, but his boyfriend pulled away, back facing his smiling face. He couldn't avoid the love for too long, cornered between his girlfriend who also reached out to embrace him.

"They're really good, Sirius! Come here; I-I'm sorry." "Why do you keep laughing!?" He whined with a little smirk playing at his lips he tried hard to contain when he found himself sandwiched between his loves. "No, ge-get off!" he playfully fought in-between giggles, trying to squirm out of Moony's arms, failing miserably. Y/N jumped over to them and kissed Sirius' face repeatedly.

"I-I'm leaving this house! Stop, Y/N, there's no changing my mind." He laughed. "We won't let you go; hate to break it to ya'." "Yup, I'm kissing you until you forgive us." They collapsed in giggles with sore bellies, letting go and going back to their spots to finish their desserts. "You did a splendid job, darling." Remus smiles, biting happily into his brownie. "Yes, they're amazing." Y/N assured and presses one last kiss to Sirius' cheek.

After several stories, laughs, warm smiles, and kisses were shared, they all decided to call it a night. Y/N grabbed one of Padfoot's shirts and a pair of Moony's socks, throwing them on before brushing her teeth and washing her face as her boyfriends got ready as well.

They jumped into the two queen beds they had joined and covered only with a soft silk sheet Sirius had insisted on getting since it was spring; They liked to cuddle, and if for some reason they covered more, they'd be kicking away in their sleep so they could be fresher.

Usually, Y/N would sleep between them, but today Remus took her spot and they were all comfortable with that. He wrapped his arms around his partners and kissed both of their heads, feeling exhaustion wash over him as their limbs pressed against all of his body; engulfed by love and warmth he craved his whole life before they came into the picture. "Thank you," he sighed, "for everything."

"Anything for our Moony," was heard in a soft whisper in the dark room, and with that, they drifted off to sleep.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Marauders taglist (DM or answer to be added): @kquil

Oh I had so much fun writing this one!!! Hope you lovelies like<3 SIDE NOTE I JUST REALIZED I SAID NO WARNINGS BUT I LITERALLY HAVE A LINE WHERE SIRIUS MENTIONS BENDING R OVER THE COUNTER HELP 💀

Remember, the best way to support writer’s works on here is by REBLOGGING WITH TAGS. I’d very much appreciate it if you did!

Thanks again, stranger. Hope you have a nice day<3

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO REPOST AS THEIR OWN/TRANSLATE/OR COPY MY WORK IN ANY PLATFORM OR SPACE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT CONSENT.

[livseses]

Fuck, shit, as well as damn it ("blast it all to the lower depths" as Ny would say). Idk if we posted this nonsense already. But fuck it. Gonna post it anyways.

Lol

Lmao

Fucking ha even

So we got

DID

(Pt: So we got DID)

We found out from our therapist the other day that she had updated our diagnosis. She went on leave for a few months, and we had a wonderful substitute therapist who had experience treating DID. After she had gotten back she consulted with said substitute and they both agreed that our symptoms matched up more with DID than OSDD-1.

We were fine with this, and she explicitly said that it was due to the memory issues. When we walked through the DES and diagnostic criteria, we didn't think our memory was "beyond normal forgetting". 8-9 months later, and a fresh set of eyes on us, and she got enough of a picture to check that box.

The only real complaint is that we don't know when we would have found this out, because it had come up from an unrelated conversation. But we've come to trust her well enough to believe that it was a simple mistake and not something more abusive of her authority.

But it's left us in a funny place. We've always thought our memory was shit, but not that shit. ADHD working memory out the door, and SDAM tossing the video feeds into the garbage. Nothing dissociative for the most part. Just weird brain quirks with memory.

But after getting hit with this, it's been, like I said, kinda funny feeling. Hell, read the first paragraph. We had agreed yesterday to pick my girlfriend up from work today, and didn't remember that until after the missed calls. That kinda shook us.

We've had missing days a plenty. Times where we were jazzed by the realization that Friday was one (1) day closer than we thought. Times where we were the opposite of jazzed because we missed a class (or a fucking final exam) because we thought we had another day left in the week.

We don't remember more than a handful of experiences from before college, and they dwindle the further back we go. But we know the facts. This kid with our deadname did/said/experienced X, Y, or Z. That kind of stuff. That's always been our memory. That's always been "normal forgetting".

Appointments, obligations, scheduled tasks. They all get missed until we can't do anything about them. We rely on routine. Therapy a 4 pm on Tuesdays. Oh it's at 3? Or on Monday? Guess we're not going. Need to call the doctor during business hours. But it's the weekend so we can't. Oh now it's the evening so we can't. Whoopsie, it's Saturday again and we need to call the doctor during business hours. Oh and file those papers before the kidos arrive at preschool. Gotta remember to file those papers. But it's time to prep for class and all the prep is done so we're incredibly bored and twiddling our thumbs. Kiddos are here but FUCK forgot to file the papers. Maybe after class? Oh yeah, all the tables are clean and nothing else to do but head home so that we can scream and panic because we need to file those papers in the morning before the kiddos get to class.

I don't recall telling this story before. Wait no, the bored look in your eyes reminds me that I saw that look last time I told you this story again.

It's strange and surreal right now to hammer home that yeah, this isn't "normal forgetting". Fuck I remember thinking that maybe the ADHD memory poo would count enough for criterion B. How much does our memory suck and we've just compensated hard? How much do we forget that we forget?

There's something important I need to stress btw. All of this ramble, all of these memory issues, all of this forgetting and amnesia? All of it is irrespective of switches and headmates (save maybe the lost days). DID and plural memory issues almost always treat forgetting as something done between members. It's so frequently held that the memory is held by someone else.

While that's true in many cases, it's absolutely not universal. Our Dx comes from our recurrent gaps in our recall that's not consistent with ordinary forgetting. Not an inability to recall the memories of other headmates. Hell our most recent experience with that was when Ny agreed to pick up my gf, and she forgot; we all forgot.

Maybe that's a nitpick. Maybe I'm being particular. Maybe I'm annoyed. I don't know that our treatment would be any different if we kept OSDD-1 under the notion that DID required intra-idenity amnesia.

But yeah memory is fuck. Ramble is done. I hope this isn't something we posted yesterday or something. But if it is, that's pretty fucking funny to us.

-Faye

[hiddlesdarlinggabrielsangel]

This is pretty raw, and a lot longer than I expected but I think I needed to let it out. If you’re currently grieving a pet, this might be too much to read.

My dog passed away this past Saturday morning.

I’ve been in shock ever since and absolutely devastated. My appetite is gone and I’m nauseous and I’m realizing that even though my mom had a similar bond to Ivy, her way of grieving is very different, and I just feel alone.

While Ivy lived a wonderful life of 10 years, longer than many dogs get, she seemed to be doing fine until literally midday on that Friday and we had no idea it was something that would ultimately take her life. We’re struggling with all the “what-ifs” and “if only” thoughts but even though we don’t know for sure, we suspect the cancer we had removed a year ago had come back and even though we get her checked out routinely, we just didn’t catch it in time. The emergency vets said that it was as though her body was attacking itself. It’s just hard because we have her father from the breeder who literally turned 13 the day after she died, the day we buried her. We also still keep in touch with the breeder and she’s told us that HIS father is still alive. So, it was just so unexpected. And Zac, her dad, doesn’t even seem to be registering the fact that she’s gone. We showed her to him when we brought her home, but he barely noticed and just laid down next to her for a second before getting up and wandering off. He doesn’t have the best eyesight and maybe what they did to her body made her smell different, but I thought there would have been some recognition. But he just sort of moved on like nothing happened. Maybe he just understands better than we humans do that death is a part of life, even for his own daughter, but when she was alive he did look after her in his way. I just hope he doesn’t wake up one day looking around for her but we did all we could do.

I didn’t expect to get into the actual event but to be honest, it helped to type it out. The thing is, while I’m absolutely devastated right now, it’s not like I was on top of the world before she passed. Three years before we got her as a puppy in 2014, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. The year I graduated college, 2014, I got a job as a nanny for an emotionally abusive family (which I thankfully left after 3 months but was still a bit traumatized). I had a second surgery for endometriosis in 2015 and was prescribed depo provera which made my depression and anxiety way worse than it already was. I got a job as a photographer taking photos for church directories which was insane (12-17 hour days, no breaks worked in, at least 2-4 hour drives, many kind people but enough rude people to make it miserable), I developed panic attacks and took a medical leave of absence (ultimately left), was judged by so-called friends, went through a time where I couldn’t work because I didn’t know enough about what would trigger these panic attacks, isolated myself from my friend group (hardly any of whom were reaching out anymore anyway), and realized in early 2017 that most of those “friends” who did reach out weren’t really my friends, and between April 2016 - Sept 2017, my “job” (because I didn’t have a real, paying one) was to work on myself in individual and group therapy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m very grateful for both, but when your job becomes analyzing what’s wrong with you, or why you do what you do so you can stop/change/adjust constantly, it gets to be a bit much. Then I got a retail job in Sept 2017 where I dealt with a narcissist coworker. I also started getting migraines at that job in 2018. Sometime in 2018, my brother met his now wife who has never liked us because we don’t fit in to her “fantasy” (not confirmed, but my theory). When we first met, she told my brother I was “too nice” and “not candid enough”. We have done and continue to do everything we can to be welcoming and she’s nothing but disrespectful to all of us. She even sent something to members of her own family recently that they have been very hurt by. Anyway, in July of 2019, I briefly got a job canvassing neighborhoods for a construction company until I had an 8-hour long panic attack. Needless to say, I did not stay there. Feeling ashamed and hopeless, I made a plan to take my own life. My dad interrupted me as I was writing the suicide note, and obviously I’m still here. I got another job the following week, one that I’m still at, but it didn’t come without its hiccups. A man who yelled at me and who I still have to set boundaries with nearly five years later. Another man who acted inappropriately but ultimately he was set straight. As you can imagine, my brother’s girlfriend/fiancée/wife made our lives difficult and did everything she could (and succeeded a long time ago) to separate him from his family who he seemed to be so close to before (I used to think of him as my best friend). In the summer of 2020, I started having hypnopompic hallucinations where I’d wake up physically but I would still see things as though I was in a dream state which freaked me out. In December of 2020, I made a total of 6 batches of cookies, rolled out, embossed, all the works for literally hundreds of cookies, and that triggered an underlying back issue from carrying too much weight in my backpack slung over only one shoulder in college. This resulted in me going to the chiropractor, getting massages, and as the back issue was finally working itself out, it felt as though it dispersed all that pain and more to the rest of my body. I won’t go into it because that would be a post somehow longer than this, but about a year later after having had a third surgery for endometriosis in 2021, seeing a gastroenterologist, worrying if I was having seizures, and finally seeing a neurologist, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2022. I found out my uncle had been diagnosed with cancer earlier that year too, a sarcoma. He passed away in May.

Around a month later, my mom, a non-smoker, was diagnosed with a rare type of non-small cell lung cancer. It’s called ROS1 and it’s very aggressive. Not only that, but it does not go into remission; my mom will have this cancer for the rest of her life. Already, she’s gone through two treatments, and the when we suspected the trial she was on wasn’t working anymore because of a mass they found in her right lung, she had a biopsy done in December right before New Years, and in the middle of it, she had heart failure. Thankfully, they revived her and she’s ok. At first they thought it was a heart attack but her arteries were clear. They said it was a case of broken heart syndrome. Her heart has recovered fully since then, but she was taken off the trial, and after briefly trying another targeted treatment, she’s now on chemotherapy.

After experiencing a traumatic event with my brother and sister-in-law back in December of 2023, my family hosted a baby shower for them at our house earlier this month. I’ve been conflicted about how I feel about the coming of this child. I have been overwhelmed about my mom and the side effects she’s been having from the chemo along with the other drug that they’re giving her for the first 4 rounds. My dad caught pneumonia a few days before Ivy passed. I was already overwhelmed.

I was almost always already overwhelmed. But through all of the above, except those first 3 years of endo, I had Ivy. I could go to her. I could play with her. I could pet her. I could cuddle her. Or I could just watch tv or be on my phone but she always had a way of knowing when I’m sad or upset and needed her there. And I think she just genuinely wanted to be with me whether it was on the couch, on the floor, or even upstairs.

That’s part of why this is so hard. It’s ALL of these current things, plus Ivy. Ivy made it bearable. I know I’m not always going to feel this way, but I think I need to get it out somewhere. While I know that I will move on and live my life through the good and the bad… part of me doesn’t want to. I don’t want to face life without Ivy. I don’t want to have people come into my life and not be able to introduce them to my “buddy”. I know how that sounds. And again, I know I won’t always feel that way, but the thing is, I don’t have any friends I can talk to. I have people who care about me and that I care about, but I’m not close enough to share this and one person I used to think might be that type of friend kind of has proven that she’s not interested in a real friendship. She just checks on me by text every few months and says she’s praying for me. While that’s sweet, whenever I try to engage, she ignores it and then literally just writes another text checking up on me a few months later. She responds to updates, but not when I try to reciprocate.

So, with my friends falling away, with my brother turning away from me, Ivy really was my best friend. Possibly my only real friend.

[td-scenarios]

can I ask for dakota, dakotazoid, cody, owen, noah, and blainley reacting to a marriage proposal? I'm so excited to see a td blog :D also a recommendation, you should allow anon asks so people don't feel embarrassed asking!

Thank you for telling me that my anon requests weren't on I appreciate it sm 😭😭. Thank you for the ask! (also i hope u know that u gave me some of my favorite characters ever and I appreciated writing this so much <3 )

Dakota

You just HAVE to take her to an amazing place like Disney World or like Paris for a proposal because you know how much she loves a good picture to post to social media

Sure, even if you're broke, her parents are totally in on it and will help with the funds. Anything for their daughter

Dakota may not be bright on most things, but when it comes to romance and expensive stuff, she’s all over it.

Obligatory hands over face and squealing as soon as she sees you kneel on the ground

She says yes so fast only so she can snap a few selfies of the whole thing (even though you literally made sure there was a photographer around to capture the moment)

Dakota immediately starts planning what the wedding will be like even though the proposal just happened like 10 seconds ago

You love her anyways

Dakotazoid

This proposal definitely happened in either the comfort of one of your houses or in a beautiful forest since she is still not the best with going in public after the whole transformation thing.

She would get a bit scared that you’re hurt or something when you initially do the classic kneel on the ground for the proposal

But as soon as that ring comes out, she’s in tears

“You love Dakota that much?”

Dakotazoid is absolutely over the moon with this especially since she’s been real down on herself ever since she became like this

She doesn’t put you down for the rest of the day

Cody

The setting for this proposal was probably on one of your guys’ Friday night date nights.

This time, it was in a fancier restaurant than usual and, despite being together for a few years at this point, you two were acting more in love than usual.

It all became clear when he knelt on the ground with the ring and asked

You, of course, laughed which instantly made him panic

But that’s because you ALSO planned to propose to him tonight and didn’t even realize that he had the same idea as you

That then turned you both into laughing messes as you guys slipped the rings onto eachothers’ fingers and hugged

Owen

He forgot marriage proposals existed if he was gonna be completely honest

To him it just seemed like a perfectly normal outing to one of your guys’ favorite restaurants, nothing big

It was odd to him that you got out of your chair just to tie your shoe? Who does that?

It all clicked together for him when you pulled out that ring and oh boy, was this man not afraid to show his emotions as he swept you up into one of his bone crushing hugs while he teared up.

You thought it was sweet.

He was kind of confused as to why you’d want to marry HIM of all people, but you are quick to shut that thought down completely. Saying everything you loved about him.

Noah

If this proposal doesn’t happen in a library then it isn’t done right

Some people will say that isn’t romantic, but to him, it’s everything.

You purposefully made him drop a book so you would have an excuse to bend down without making him suspicious. Knowing Noah, he probably had some idea of what was going to happen though.

As soon as you pop the question, he is uncharacteristically at a loss for words.

“Oh, wow”

It’s awkward for a few seconds until he’s finally done being shocked and decides to finally agree to be your betrothed.

He doesn’t really show his excitement that easily, but if you two have been dating long enough for a proposal to happen, then you know that he’s absolutely psyched for this idea.

Blaineley

She actually proposed to you

#girlboss

That AND you’re maybe still a tiny bit scared that you two were only together for the publicity even though it’s been like 3 years and you were too afraid to ask.

She had to take matters into her own hands if she was going to get Y/N to be her spouse

You obviously say yes since you’ve been wanting to do the exact same thing for a while now

This also takes your fears away quite a bit. Double win!

Being a celebrity, the proposal is instantly everywhere on social media

Not being able to go out without getting a ‘Congratulations!’ by anyone who recognizes you or Blaineley is inevitable within the next month or two afterwards

[oh-obrien]

AAAH THE ONE SHOT WITH THE STOVE WAS EVERYTHING! ✨✨Could I also request something? I did feel the duel scene was a bit underwhelming, I did want some more drama tbh (and I love Anthony as well). What about a one shot Anthony x reader, where the reader accompanies Daphne and lots of more drama? Perhaps reader gets hurt, Anthony in panic, angsty and stuff..feel free to adjust

I HOPE THIS ONE IS GOOD TOO!! I took a few creative liberties with this, adjusting the events on the show to fit the request and what not. 

I’m coming off of a little bit of a migraine hangover and tbh I’m not sure how I feel about this right now on top of getting back into the swing of school. This is the first day since Friday that looking at my computer for more than twenty minutes doesn’t hurt my head so sorry it took longer than expected. 

As always if you’re not happy with this, or if you want to request anything else feel free to slide into my inbox! These requests are SUPER fun.

After Daphne’s scandalous run in with Simon in the garden the night before, Anthony had taken it upon himself to challenge his long-time friend to a duel. The ball was supppsed to be your and Anthony’s grand debut as the newest couple of the season, however, you never got your dance with the Lord, and your dance card now laid empty and forgotten on the floor of the Bridgerton study.

Your dress also laid crumpled in a ball of fabric in the corner of the room. After hearing of your and Anthony’s intentions to begin properly courting, Violet had taken you to the seamstress to get one of your gown adjusted. Genevieve Delacroix had added stunning crystals to the delicate pale green fabric. Your had had been done perfectly by the Bridgerton family’s staff and you had even agreed to wearing a small amount of makeup. However, the night of your dreams abruptly ended when Anthony interrupted your conversation with Colin to inform you both he would be taking Daphne home for the evening as she was not feeling well.

The anger pouring off the eldest Bridgerton was like nothing you had ever seen before and you couldn’t help but wonder if she had rejected the Prince’s proposal, as you knew he had to intend to propose soon, and no night seemed better. However, as Anthony dragged his sister away you couldn’t catch his or Daphne’s eye, leaving your dreams of starting a whirlwind public relationship with Anthony crushed.

You now sat on the desk in the Bridgerton study, Colin pacing around the room in front of you, his boots rhythmically hitting the floor with every step he took. “What if he kills Simon?”

“Colin-”

“What if Simon kills him?”

“Colin I don’t think that-”

“Benedict surely doesn’t want to be bothered with the social scene, does that mean the responsibility to escort all of my sisters through their season falls on me?” The boy in front of you stopped pacing and pulled on the roots of his hair, letting out a long, frustrated sigh. “I’m supposed to be traveling soon! Anthony is supposed to be the mature one, he’s supposed to know how to run the family! Not me!”

“COLIN! STOP!” You finally cut the boy off, standing up and placing both of your hands firmly on his shoulders. “Nothing is going to happen to Simon or Anthony, no one saw Simon and Daphne in that garden other than your brother so there’s nothing to hide!” You dropped your hands from Colin’s shoulder. 

“But-” both you and Colin turned to face the door of the study, Daphne standing in the doorway, her tone sombre and her head bowed towards the ground. “What if someone did see?”

You stepped away from Colin to face the eldest Bridgerton daughter, your tone changing to one of concern. “What do you mean what if someone saw,” you felt panic starting to bubble up in your chest. “Did someone see you and Simon in the garden last night?” You thought Anthony had been overreacting when he pulled yourself and Colin into the study the night before after you had helped escort Lady Bridgerton home. But if Daphne was concerned someone saw her and Simon kiss, maybe he wasn’t overreacting.

Daphne opened her mouth, as if she wanted TJ speak, before closing it again. Silence fell across the three of you before you heard Daphne gasp. “Cressida Cowper,” Daphne blurted out. “When Anthony brought me inside she stopped me and and asked if I caught a chill in the garden.” You watched Daphne’s expression change to one of concern.

“Cressida Cowper,” Colin started running a frustrated hand over his face again, “saw you and Hastings in the garden last night and Anthony, nor Hastings, know?” He took in a long breath before leering the air out through his nose.

Daphne quickly shook her head. “Colin you need to tell me where they went,” Daphne demanded. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, not finding it proper to interrupt the conversation between the siblings.

“Daphne, Hasting has, he’s done you one of the greatest dishonors,” Colin quickly shook his head, giving his sister a clearly confused look. “I’m sure you want him to pay.”

“I don’t want him to pay with his life!” Daphne’s voice grew louder and you stepped towards the sibilants again, hoping you wouldn’t have to be the one to calm their tempers so no one else in the estate would be woken.

“Well, I’m sure both Anthony and the Duke will do as gentlemen should and shoot wide,” Colin supplemented with a shrug.

You stepped between the two siblings, “besides,” you supplemented, “everyone might just think that Cressida has a grudge against you. You did take the Prince’s attention off of her, even if you don’t want to admit it.” 

Daphne, however, seemed to refuse to take no for an answer. “Colin you need to tell me where they went.” She turned to her brother again, a desperate look on her face now, “you know Anthony’s pride won’t let him shoot wide.”

Colin puffed air into his cheek, letting it out slowly before speaking. “Fine, but we’re coming with you.” 

You had been lucky enough to be able to bring your own horse with you to London, and now, racing towards the site of the duel, you were glad you had. The Bridgerton’s horses clearly had not gotten used to speeding across the hills, as they lagged slightly behind you. Years of living out in the middle of the country had given you, and your horses, the ability to adapt to all different types of terrain. Be it flooded field, rolling hills or even shoulder high grasses, your horses were able to tackle it all.

You were glad your hair, still expertly tied up from the night before, had yet to be taken out as it kept the strands from flying into your face, distracting you from the task at hand. Still slightly ahead of both Colin and Daphne you were able to make out five figures standing in a plot of open land between two beautiful trees. Anthony and Simon were back to back in the clearing, both men clutching a handgun between their hands.

“You can go faster,” you urged your horse while he pushed himself to fly faster through the tall grass field, his breath coming out in heavy puffs. Anthony and Simon began to take slow, steady steps away from each other and you held your breath, knowing you were unable to push your horse to go any faster without him hurting himself. 

Both men paused briefly before turning to face each other. Anthony pointed his gun towards Simon, while the Duke aimed towards the sky. Now, within proper distance of the ongoing duel you started to slow your horse. “Anthony!” You swung both of your legs to one side of your horse, trying to keep your balance while you did so. “Anthony stop!” Your horse slowed to nearly a stop and you let yourself slide off your horse’s back, your feet not even hitting the ground before you were running towards the two men.

“What are you doing?” Benedict practically yelled while you ran in between Anthony and the Duke. “Anthony! Anthony stop!” Benedict called when he realized you had already made up your mind. However, his call for the eldest Bridgerton to hold his fire.

Before you knew what had hit you, in both a literal and figurative sense, you felt a searing pain cut across your cheek. The bang of the gun firing didn’t reach your ears until after you had hit the ground, your left hand clutched tightly over your right cheek. Anthony and Benedict calling your name didn’t register either, especially when you pulled your hand away from your cheek and noticed it had been covered in blood.

“(Y/N),” a warm, heavy hand was placed on your shoulder and another pulled your hand away from your cheek. “The doctor needs to make you’re you’re fine, (Y/N),” Anthony’s panicked eyes met your own. However, you couldn’t focus on them with the pain in your cheek and the blood still covering your hand.

An older man crouched down next to you, pulling a medical bag up next to him and opening it before he began expecting the wound on your cheek. “The bullet just grazed her,” the doctor spoke while he began cleaning the wound, “she’s lucky.”

“Thank the heavens,” Anthony breathed out while he pressed his forehead to your temple on your unharmed side, his warm breath fanning across your cheek. “I’m so sorry,” you could hear his voice break towards the end.

“She’s perfectly fine my lord, keep the wound clean and covered and it’ll heal in absolutely no time.” You winced when you felt the doctor wipe something across your cheek, the pain flaring up momentarily before subsiding again. “I’m sure you could tell Lady Bridgerton it was a riding accident and everything would be believed. “If that’s all, and you gentlemen don’t intend on trying the duel again,” the doctor looked between Anthony and the Duke, “I’ll be going.”

Hasting and Anthony both thanked the doctor before he departed, Daphne and Simon engaged in a seemingly heated conversation along with Colin and Benedict. “(Y/N).” Anthony started, both of your hands held in one of his large ones. “I don’t-”

“I can’t right now, Anthony,” you placed a hand across your covered cheek. “I just,” you let out a frustrated sigh, “I’m questioning if your mind and your heart and in two different places at the moment.” You felt tears begin to gather in the corners of your eyes.

“(Y/N), please,” Anthony seemed to be nearly begging, tears gathered in his own eyes while you stood up. Your hands felt from his grip and you cupped his cheek with one, running your thumb along his cheek bone.

You offered the man in front of you a sad smile before you removed your hand. “I’m going to ask one of your brothers to escort me home while you and the others decide the next steps between Daph and the Duke.” He opened his mouth to speak, but you didn’t allow him to. “Once you reconsider priorities we can revisit our arrangement, but I will not be second to any other reckless endeavors you wish to engage in if we do get married.”

With that you turned from the Viscount, still on his knees in the damp morning grass, tears in his eyes and a frown on his face.

[lovelybarnes]

bunny- p. parker

pairings: peter parker x reader, mom!natasha romanoff x reader, dad!tony stark x peter parker warnings: i didn’t know how to end this, so bad ending and cursing about: the chronicles of peter parker and y/n romanoff (this is a birthday present for my dearest emma) a/n: so i wanted to do lions. but i figured, why and how would y/n get a lion? so i ditched that idea and i hope that’s okay. also, i have no idea how to take care of bunnies or if you can even foster them? but it’s fine please go along with it

@emmastarz

the little red wagon you’re dragging squeaks, and you gently shush the kennel on top of it, tugging on the blanket that threatens to fall off and reveal what you’re keeping hidden. the soft noises don’t stop, though you can’t blame them with the surprisingly uneven floors of stark industries.

seriously, what’s up with that? isn’t stark a genius billionaire? you think to let him know when you see him next, distracting yourself from the fact that you’re doing something you’re definitely not supposed to. your mother will have your head if she finds out, so you swear to yourself that no one will find out.

you realize your oath isn’t particularly easy to keep, as keeping anything from the avengers is difficult. keeping things from the black widow herself, however, is nearly impossible. the key word is nearly, because her magnificent daughter (aka you) is the exception, even more cunning than her. her who is currently waiting outside your room, making going in there to hide like you planned out of the question.

so, you hide, trying to figure out where you’re supposed to go now that your only feasible plan has been left useless. you’re behind an absurdly large plant, looking at the rooms around you and attempting to remember which one belongs to someone who won’t ask questions.

“what are you doing?” you hear suddenly, flinching and turning with a jump, relieved to only find your boyfriend in front of you, holding a glass of water with a concerned look on his face. “shh!” you demand, grabbing his arm and pulling him closer. “don’t make a noise,” you whisper, his eyes growing wide, “are we under attack? my suit is in my room-”

“your room!” you repeat in a relieved whisper, remembering that peter’s room is literally three feet in front of you, inviting and away from the wrath your mother will surely rain upon you. “come on, we have to get to your room, carry this,” you motion to the wagon, “don’t make a sound.”

“why do i have to-” “super strength,” you remind, “for one, and two- if you don’t, my mother will kill me. then you, for being in the same vicinity as me.” peter pauses, a grimace going over his face, surely remembering how terrified he is of your mother, and picks up what you asked without another word, following you into his room as silently as spiderman and a trained spy can.

you lock the door once you’re inside, calling out to friday to soundproof the room and not let anyone in. “what are you doing? what is this? it moved,” peter complains in disgust, putting down the wagon. you roll your eyes, carefully putting the crate down next to it. “it’s nothing. i just need to get to my room so i can keep them there and no one will ever know.”

peter’s eyes bulge out of his head, “them? who is them?” he questions frantically, walking over to the crate, ready to pull the blanket off before you stop him. “the less you know, the better,” you say ominously, patting his wrist in your hand. “what?” he asks, voice squeaky. he backs away and you turn your back on him, heading to his desk to charge your phone, “just, it’s better if you don’t know, because-”

“are these rabbits?” he gasps loudly, making you turn around quickly to see him holding the blanket. you slap lightly at his arm, not that it does much to his enhanced self, “peter!” you whine, “i told you not to look!”

“they’re rabbits! why are you sneaking rabbits around the compound?- jeez, how many of them are in there…” peter trails off, trying to count the tiny wiggly things with his eyes, and failing each time they move. you sigh when he looks back at you with wide, questioning eyes. “i- it’s just-”

the exact reasoning seemed a lot more logical at the animal center where you picked them up half an hour ago, but as it rests on your tongue now, it’s difficult to make something rational out of it. “the animal shelter was at capacity- i- there was really no other option, aren’t avengers supposed to help or something?” you answer, tone questioning by the end of your sentence.

“alright, that’s… not a bad excuse, why are you hiding?” peter points out, looking back at the small kennel filled with sleeping bunnies. “well, it’s not really the first time i’ve done this. you know the dogs we have? candy and star?”

peter nods, “well, i kind of did this with them. it started out with fostering but then we just fell in love and we ended up adopting them, then it happened again with the ducks, and again with a cat, and at one point it became kind of implied that i wasn’t to bring home any more stray animals because we’re kind of stretching it already.”

you panic at the look on peter’s face, and afraid he’ll change his mind about the words he spoke previously, you talk frantically again, “but their mom abandoned them and they needed help, and they’re so cute, look at them,” you urge, opening the cage to pull one out and showing it to peter. his face melts adorably, a small coo escaping his lips against his will. “it’s also just for one or two weeks. a few of them are already promised to go to some families, but they’re still too little, so they just need a place to stay for now.”

“and can you say no to this face?” you ask sarcastically, extending the bunny in your arms closer to peter’s face, then gesturing to the cage with your eyes, “to any of them?”

peter groans, his head slumping forward, “fine,” he gives in, and you cheer a little. “but i take care of them with you,” he requests. you nod, “yes! absolutely!” you grin, going to put the baby back in its kennel before peter stops you, “which means i also get to hold them.”

you laugh, gently placing the bunny in peter’s arms, adoring eyes watching his lips mutter how cute they are.

-

“we’re rabbit parents for two weeks,” he says an hour later, after your mom has moved from your door due to some expert distracting (a mission that came in before you had time to launch your genius plan: peter throwing himself down the stairs “accidentally”). you’ve set up the rabbit living space in your room, having read up enough on them to know what you need. the random unused closet tony insisted on giving you has come in handy, and with a lot of help from the manual he gave you on her, you figured out how to get friday to change the temperature to the necessary one for the babies. you’ve also sworn friday to secrecy, making sure not even tony himself can get the information out of her.

“we are rabbit parents for two weeks,” you agree, playing with a couple of them and watching peter, curls curlier and an easy look on his face. he looks so adorable, you can’t help the kiss you press against his lips. a red blush covers his neck as he kisses you back, giddy smile quirking the edge of his lips up.

-

you’re surprised when, by the next week, no one has found out about yours and peter’s little secret, even more so that no one has been told by peter’s big mouth. he’s coming by a lot more now, his previous rare sleepovers increasing largely. tony and natasha are getting suspicious, and as they watch you and your boyfriend sneak into your room, supposedly inconspicuously, they turn to each other. “is y/n pregnant or something? why has she been acting so weird?” tony asks.

natasha looks at him, “she’s always with your kid whispering and being alone in their rooms. whenever i tell your stupid robot to let me in, she won’t tell me anything. i thought it was state of the art?”

tony huffs in offense, “friday the ai,” he clarifies, earning an intense glare from natasha, “is state of the art, i don’t know what your daughter did to her, but she won’t tell me anything either.” natasha rolls her eyes, small swell of pride fluttering in her chest at your managing to keep stark out of his own technology before remembering what she’s angry at you for.“we need to go in there,” natasha states with finality, walking to your door. “i know, but i don’t want to risk seeing anything potentially scarring,” tony sasses.

the woman ignores him, shoving open your door to find both you and peter nowhere to be seen. she looks around, trying to figure out where you are and what the hell you’re doing.

meanwhile, you and peter are busy babbling at the bunnies, a lot bigger now, to notice the intruders in your room, not even seeing the notification friday sends to your phone. you’ve let your guard down after a week of been inconspicuous, which is stupid and very un-spy like of you. so you suppose you only have yourself to blame when the door to the closet bursts open to “what the hell are you two doing?” and “is it safe to open my eyes?”

[the-bau-quinjet]

Memories, Pt. IV

Summary: You were captured by Hydra. What did they do to your memories?

Warnings: mentions of violence, panic attacks, torture

Word Count: 4878

a/n: The last part! I'm so sorry this took so long! I planned to have it done over the weekend, but life got in the way. Hopefully y'all like the ending though!

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

3 Months Ago

"Come back to me, okay?" Bucky pressed his forehead to yours, relishing in this moment.

"I promise. I love you" You give him a quick kiss before moving back to board the quinjet. He calls out his response just as the doors begin to close.

"I love you too!" Bucky watched the quinjet fly away, waiting until you were completely out of sight before he turned to go back inside.

He nearly ran through the building, the excitement and nervousness he was feeling rolling off him in waves. He nearly ran right past Steve before skidding to a stop, grabbing onto a wall to slow himself down.

"Hey Buck." Steve greeted him with a furrowed brow. Typically after you leave for a mission, Bucky spends the next week moping. "What's got you so happy with Y/N gone?"

"I need your help." Bucky grinned, so focused on his plans that he missed Sam and Tony walking into the room.

"With?" Steve prompted, eager to figure out why Bucky was behaving so strangely.

"Picking out a ring." Bucky stated confidently, earning gasps from all three men. He spun around, eyes widening in surprise to find Sam and Tony in the doorway.

"You're proposing?" Sam nearly squealed with delight.

"Do you need dinner reservations? I know a guy at L'Artusi, I could probably get you in the week she comes back even though reservations are booked months in advance. Oh! I need to get Pepper to start planning a party." Tony mumbled more to himself, thinking back to how he proposed to Pepper.

"Tony!" Bucky nearly had to scream to get the man's attention. "I appreciate the offer, really, but I don't think Y/N is a fancy restaurant, big party kind of gal." Bucky sighed, not having expected to share his proposal plan just yet.

Steve cut in before Tony could respond, knowing the billionaire would say something about everyone loving fancy restaurants. "Congrats, Buck. I'm happy for you."

"She hasn't said yes, yet." He mumbled in response, suddenly feeling a bit bashful at being the center of attention.

"She will. That girl is madly in love with you." Sam encouraged, but couldn't help adding in a playful joke. "For reasons unbeknownst to me."

"Thanks for the encouragement." Bucky rolled his eyes, turning back to Steve. "So will you help me?"

Steve nodded, happy to help in any way necessary. "Of course, did you have any ideas?"

"I'll help too!" Tony added in, inserting himself into the conversation. He held up a hand before either man could interject. "And before you say it'll be too much if I have any say, I'll just help you get the ring made and to you in a reasonable time."

Bucky smiled, about to thank Tony when Sam cut in again. "If he's helping, I want in too. You can't leave me out!" He whined.

"Fine. You can both help too. Just don't push it." He eyes Sam, knowing he would take any opportunity to mess with him.

"Did you have any ideas or did you want to go to a jeweler tomorrow?" Steve asked, trying to refocus the conversation.

"Actually, I have a few ideas." He took a deep breath, trying to prepare for any criticism the men would throw at him for his unusual choices. "Nothing too flashy, and I don't want a diamond."

Tony nearly fainted with how big of a gasp he took. "No diamond? But, but, diamonds! Diamonds are the best! She deserves diamonds!" He stomped his foot, nearly throwing a full on temper tantrum before Bucky jumped in again.

"You're absolutely right, she deserves the world." He smiled softly, just thinking about you. "I just don't think she would like a diamond." He tried to explain.

"Tony, Buck probably knows her best..." Steve cut in, trying to calm him down.

"Friday, call Natasha and Wanda to the kitchen." Tony sent out the command, receiving a response from the AI before anyone could protest.

"What are you doing? You can't tell them!" Bucky harshly whispered, knowing it wouldn't be long before the two women arrived.

Tony sighed dramatically, "Look. If you don't think she'd like a diamond, those two are going to be your best bet at figuring out what she would want."

Bucky opened his mouth to protest, but realized Tony was probably right. He hadn't made it much past his no diamond idea. "Fine, we can ask them for help." He resigned himself to everybody knowing his plans.

"Help with what?" Wanda asked as her and Nat strolled into the room, eyes slightly narrowed.

"What kind of engagement ring Y/N would like." Sam relished in the surprise that overtook their faces.

Nat recovered in seconds, scoffing immediately. "Well, definitely not a diamond."

"You're right. Too flashy for her." Wanda immediate went into planning mode.

Steve clapped Bucky on the back, reassuring him that he was on the right track.

"Yeah, Romeo over here already ruined my plans with that idea." Tony huffed. "What kind of stone then?"

They all spent the next few hours debating between opal, amethyst, sapphire, and sunstone. Then another few hours debating the shape and style of the stone and band. By the time the entire ring design had been settled, the sun was rising the next morning.

"I'll send the plans to my jeweler. You should have it in hand a few days before Y/N is due to get back." Tony stated, happy that you would be receiving the best money could buy.

"Thank you. All of you." Bucky turned to look at the people who had become family to him. "I really appreciate the help."

"Now we just need to plan the proposal." Nat smirked, a teasing glint in her eyes.

"Nope. That is for me to know, and Y/N to tell you if she says yes." Bucky smiled, glad he had already planned how he was going to ask you.

"I'll worm it out of you. You know I will!" Sam narrowed his eyes, ready to start his barrage of questions when Friday cut into the conversation.

"We have lost tracking capabilities on the quinjet. Communication with onboard agents has failed. Enacting emergency personnel tracking protocols."

Everyone froze, anticipating Friday's next announcement. In seconds, they would all know if you were okay or if you were missing.

"Tracking failed. Agent L/N's whereabouts unknown."

They all took off to the lab, Bucky leading the way despite not knowing how to use the technology to try and find you.

Tony started asking questions: what was the jet's last known location? Did any of the tech onboard fail? Was another aircraft present in the vicinity? Were missiles involved? Any heat signature information from before it went offline?

Each question asked did little to calm Bucky's racing heart. It felt like his world was collapsing, his future falling apart right before his eyes.

"We have to find her." He whispered more to himself than anyone else in the room. "We have to."

-

Present

"Where's Y/N?" Bucky asked as he sat down in the debriefing room. Everyone else was already there, waiting for Tony to explain why he called the impromptu meeting.

"She's... She's in the med bay." Immediately Bucky was out of his chair, ready to run to you. "Barnes. You need to hear this before you go. She's fine, she just had a panic attack and passed out."

"Fine? You call that fine?" He was nearly raging, pushing to get back to the door.

"Relatively, yeah. Look, just trust me on this. We'll all go see her when I've filled you in." Tony sighed, knowing it wasn't going to be easy to explain what you told him.

"Filled us in on what?" Nat questioned first, honing in on Tony's distressed state.

"Y/N." He stated simply, finally getting Bucky to listen to him.

"What do you mean, Y/N? You just said she was fine!" His words cut through the room. He just got you back, he couldn't lose you again.

"Physically, she is. Would you just sit down?" Tony practically begged, trying his best not to break down at the memory of the pain in your eyes.

Bucky stomped back to his seat, giving Tony his undivided attention and gesturing for him to continue.

"I ran into her last night. Literally. She was running through the halls. It looked like she had just seen a ghost." He ran a hand through his hair, struggling to contain his emotions.

"I figured she was just having flashbacks to being held captive, so I made her talk to me." He closed his eyes, unable to look everyone in the eye as he continued his explanation.

"I should've noticed sooner. She wasn't acting right. I just thought it was PTSD. I-" Steve cut him off this time.

"Tony. What happened?"

"She wasn't making any sense. She said she didn't belong here, that she wasn't who we thought she was." Confusion grew on everyone's faces as Tony explained your breakdown. "Said she wasn't an Avenger. She was a murderer."

"The experiments..." Nat mumbled to herself, putting the pieces together as Tony continued explaining what happened.

"Long story short, she thinks she made a bomb that killed 38 people and that she was in prison for 3 years before we broke her out and brought her here." He took a deep breath, letting his words sink in for everyone.

"She was mumbling about experiments." Nat said louder now that Tony was done. "In the kitchen. She said they would bring her to another room sometimes, but it looked like it hurt for her to remember. They must've messed with her head."

Bucky could barely breathe. You strange behavior suddenly made sense. Your surprise at being part of the Avengers, not wanting to tell him what was bothering you, leaving bed before he woke up, not telling him you loved him. It all started making more sense.

"We have to tell her the truth."

-

While everyone was trying to come up with the best plan to help you with your memories, you woke up in the med bay alone.

You were surprised to have been left alone after admitting to your crimes, but you took the opportunity to finish what you started: running away.

You quickly found your way to the elevator hoping you could remember which floor would lead to an exit. As you snuck down the halls, you could hear voices coming from one of the rooms.

"We have to tell her the truth."

You felt your heart flutter at the sound of Bucky's voice. He had been so kind to you. it felt wrong to just leave him, but you didn't see another choice. You couldn't bear the thought of looking him in the eye now that Tony likely told him about your past.

You quickly made your way back to the elevator, figuring a different floor would be better suited for your escape.

You ultimately made it outside, deciding to forego any vehicles you passed. They could probably be tracked. Instead, you took off through the woods.

-

It wasn't long before Bucky got tired of debating how best to fix your memories. He needed to see you. He needed to know you were alright.

"Look, call Shuri and T'Challa. See if they can come here to help her." Bucky headed for the door, not waiting for a response before making his way to you.

Everyone but Tony, who was calling T'Challa, quickly followed his hasty exit.

When they arrived to the med bay, it was empty.

"Where is she?" Sam questioned, causing everyone to glance around the room.

Tony walked in as everyone searched the multitude of beds, making sure you were in fact not in the room.

"You said she was in the med bay." Bucky glared, waiting for Tony to explain.

"She was." He glanced around the room as well, confused by your absence. "She passed out, so I brought her here. They gave her a sedative to calm her heart rate. She should still be sleeping."

"She's not here." Bucky stopped moving, the realization causing a mixture of anger and panic to course through him. "She's not here." He repeats it louder, causing everyone else to freeze as well.

"Friday, where is Y/N?" Tony asked the AI, knowing it was a waste to search the compound.

"She left the Med Bay 23 minutes ago, briefly stopping outside the debriefing room before exiting the building from the garage." The AI easily recounted your quick escape.

"Are there any cars missing?" Tony followed up, figuring you'd be easy enough to track.

"All vehicles are accounted for."

"She's on foot. Friday, which direction did she go?" Bucky asked, barely waiting for a response as he ran from the room.

"I can track her movements via security footage east until she hits the woods."

Tony, Sam, Nat, Wanda, Steve, Vision, and Clint all followed right behind Bucky as he ran out of the compound.

Bucky and Nat headed east, following Friday's information. Everyone else split up, figuring it'd be best to cover all directions since you could have doubled back or gotten turned around in the woods.

-

You weren't sure how long you had been on the move, but you had made it about 3.5 miles when you found what looked like an abandoned treehouse.

With the sun setting and the exhaustion of waking up in a hospital bed catching up to you, you figured it'd be best for you to stop and rest for the night.

Hopefully you made it far enough to avoid detection for now. Ideally, they wouldn't start the manhunt for you until morning.

You climbed into the treehouse slowly, trying to distribute your weight over the creaking and breaking floorboards. You settled in the corner, propping yourself against the walls to keep an eye on the door.

Eventually, you drifted off to sleep, the sounds of frogs croaking and crickets chirping invading your senses.

Your sleep was restless, plagued by memories of a life you barely remembered, memories that felt more like a dream than reality.

-

Nat and Bucky tracked you through the woods methodically. Every snapped twig or partial footprint lead them in your direction. The sun set early in their search, but it did little to deter their efforts.

A few hours after dark, they approached the abandoned treehouse you camped out in.

Even twenty yards away, they could hear your whispered screams.

"No. No, no, no. No, please. Stop. Bucky, help me. Please don't. Please." You begged.

Bucky's heart broke at the sound of pain in your voice. It killed him to know you were begging for him while Hydra was removing him from your memory.

He climbed the ladder of the treehouse rapidly, not paying any mind to the creaking floors and breaking boards. He rushed to you in the corner, pulling you into his arms as he tried to wake you up.

"Y/N, I'm here. I've got you. You're safe. I'm here now." He whispered into your neck, rocking you back and forth.

"Bucky?" You squinted in confusion, eyes adjusting to the dark.

"I've got you, doll. You're safe now." He easily replied, trying to calm you from your nightmares.

"No, Bucky. I- I killed people." You sobbed, your hands burying themselves into his shirt.

"No, doll. Y/N, that's not real." He repeated your name, trying to convince you of the truth. "Hydra, they messed with your memories. We can fix it."

"But, no- I hurt people." You were shaking, trying to explain even though you'd rather give in.

"Please trust me. Let's go back to the compound. We can figure it all out. We'll get your memories back, I promise." He held you in his arms in an unwavering grip, afraid if he let you go you would disappear. "Come back to me, okay?"

"I promise. I love you." You whispered the words more to yourself, trying to figure out why they came to mind. Images flashed through your mind; saying goodbye to Bucky, boarding a jet, being attacked in the air, Hydra.

"I'll come with you." Your voice was shaky, still unsure of what was true.

Bucky quickly lead you out of the treehouse, regrouping with Nat on the ground.

"Good?" Nat questioned, trying to prepare for if you ran.

"Good, for now." Bucky replied, scooping you into his arms to carry you back to the compound.

- You woke up to voices, patches of light flickering across your closed eyelids.

"Can you do it?" You recognized Bucky, but the responding voice was only vaguely familiar.

"I can. It will take some time, but it does not appear to be as severe as your own memory problems." His memory problems? What was she talking about?

"Shuri, you're a genius." Shuri, the name triggered something in your mind, but it's like you can't put the pieces together.

"I know. Now let me get to work." She shooed him out of the lab as your world faded to black yet again.

-

Bucky sat beside your bed the second Shuri allowed him to. If it weren't for Steve bringing him food, he wouldn't have eaten anything in the day and a half you've been asleep.

"Buck, you've got to rest." Steve tried for the fifteenth time to get his friend to sleep.

"I can't. Steve, if I sleep and she's not here when I wake up..." He trailed off, unable to put to words the pain of losing you again.

"I'll stay with her. She'll be here when you wake up, I promise." Steve sighed.

"You'll stay?" His voice was small, his body's need for sleep finally overpowering his concern for you.

"Promise." Steve nodded, pulling a chair to sit next to your bed while Bucky laid down in the hospital bed next to yours. "I would've preferred a real bed, but I'll take it."

"Good, because I'm not going anywhere." Bucky closed his eyes, knowing he had to at least try to sleep to avoid another scolding from Steve.

A few hours later, Steve couldn't help but smile as he watched Bucky finally get some rest. Even asleep in a different bed, his body was angled toward yours.

"Steve?" Your voiced cracked, throat dry from crying and lack of use.

"Y/N?" He sat up instantly, moving to pass you a glass of water.

"What the hell happened? Where's Buck?" You questioned, feeling as though your brain was a pile of mush.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Steve avoided your questions for the time being, subtly pulling out his phone to message Shuri.

"The mission. The quinjet was attacked. Hydra took me captive." You slowly put the pieces together. "But you saved me. Bucky saved me. Right?" You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to clear up the memories.

"That's right. Do you remember anything else?" Steve probed gently, unsure of how to tell you about the last few days.

"Um, there was a lab in the basement. They brought me there sometimes. I think..." Everything in your head felt incomplete, like you only knew part of the story.

"You're awake." A feminine voice called from the door to the med bay, causing you and Steve to turn your heads.

"Shuri! It's so good to see you." You pull her in for a hug as soon as she's close enough to your bed. "What are you doing here?"

Shuri eyes you suspiciously, willing you to remember everything with just her stare. "You'll remember soon enough. What do you remember from the past few days?"

"Um, where do you want me to start? I was just telling Steve, I left for the mission, but the jet was attacked and I was captured. I think Hydra must've tried to do experiments on me or something, I remember a lab." Your whole body shook, shivering from the bad memory.

"Good. It's good you remember that." Shuri nodded, a confident smile on her face. "What about after you were rescued?"

You thought back to that moment, but it was a little fuzzy. "Bucky... Bucky was there. He carried me out." Suddenly, an even more urgent thought popped into your head. "Oh my God. Where's Bucky?"

Steve gestured to your left, pointing out a sleeping Bucky in the bed next to yours. He always looked so peaceful while he slept.

You couldn't stop the grin from forming on your face as you watched him. You couldn't imagine how he was feeling while you were gone.

"Messages." You whispered. "I remember listening to messages from Bucky. He- He must've left them while he was looking for me, while you were all looking for me." Your eyebrow furrowed in confusion.

"Y/N?" Steve questioned, drawing you back to the present. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure." You shook your head, as if the action in itself would clear your mind. "I remember how I felt when I listened to the messages and it doesn't make any sense."

"How did you feel?" Shuri questioned, eager to see if she gave you back all of your memories, including the past few days.

"Guilty? I think." You replayed the messages in your head as best as you could remember.

"What do you mean guilty?' Steve questioned.

"Like they weren't really for me. Like I wasn't actually me." You looked at Steve and Shuri as they shared a look. "What are you not telling me?"

"I'll leave this one to you, Captain. She is healing nicely." Shuri turned to you before she walked out of the room. "You should understand everything in a few hours. Just give your mind time to put the pieces together."

"Steve, what is she talking about?" You settled a hard glare in his direction, knowing he knew more than you.

"Let me ask you this: do you know how long you were gone?" Steve sighed, unsure how exactly to explain everything.

"About 3 months. I tried to keep a tally while I was there, based on the daily routine." You responded easily.

"Well, when we found you, although we didn't know it at the time, you thought you had been there for 3 years." Steve looked like he was about to continue when you interrupted.

"38 people. I thought I killed 38 people." Suddenly, the pieces were falling into place. "They made me forget who I was. Erased my past and gave me a new one." Your breathing was speeding up as everything came back to you.

"Y/N, hey, look at me." Steve nearly commanded causing you to meet his eye. "You're safe now. We've got you."

You nodded, matching your breathing to his pace to settle your racing heart.

"How long has Buck been asleep." You looked at his sleeping form, wanting more than anything to wake him up.

"A few hours. Ya know, it's good to hear you calling him Buck again." Steve looked at his friend as well, knowing he would be furious that he was still asleep when you were now awake.

"What do you mean?" You turned back to Steve, the question clear on your face.

"The past few days, I mean we all thought it was PTSD." He ran a hand through his hair, guilt clearly playing at his emotions. "Well, not Nat. She knew something was up."

"Of course." You chuckled.

"You called him Bucky every time you talked to him."

"Isn't that normal though?" You were more confused now than before.

"No, not really. You use a lot more pet names than you realize. Plus, you didn't say 'I love you' when you woke up." Steve sighed, again upset at not putting it together sooner.

"Well, that should've been a dead giveaway." You joked, but Steve's eyes remained sad. "Hey, it's not your fault. I'm fine now. That's all that matters."

"I'm glad to have you back." He looked at you with so much sincerity, you nearly started crying again.

Before you could respond Bucky groaned, stretching as he woke up.

"Damn, that was a good nap. How long was I out?" He asked before opening his eyes.

"Oh, just a few hours. You should really sleep more." You answered casually.

"Y/N, you know I can't sleep when- Y/N!" His eyes popped open comically wide as he nearly threw himself out of the bed.

"I love you." You said it so clearly he froze next to your bed.

"You remember?" He asked, voice full of hope.

"I do." The tears pooled in your eyes again as you watched his body visibly relax.

"I missed you so much, doll." You pulled him on top of you in the bed, needing to hold him as close as possible.

"I missed you too. I knew you'd come for me." You smiled through the tears, breathing in his scent.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry it took so long. I'm sorry I didn't realize everything sooner. I'm so sorry." He apologized over and over.

"Look at me." He moved his head back just far enough to look you in the eye. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Not one single thing. Okay?"

"But-" His protests were quickly cut off.

"Not. One. Single. Thing." You stared him down until he nodded.

The two of you cuddled in your hospital bed while Steve went to update everyone on your condition. He could've just had Friday announce it, but he wanted to give you and Bucky a minute to yourselves.

"I've got a date planned for you." Bucky smiled cheekily.

"Oh really?" He nodded. "Care to share with the room?"

"Nope. It's a surprise." He shared a small smile, the love he felt so easily portrayed through his eyes.

"I love you. So much." You couldn't help but blurt it out one more time before everyone barged into the room.

"I love you too."

-

"We're going to be late." Bucky huffed, waiting for you to leave the bathroom.

"Well, if you had told me where we were going it would've been easier to pick an outfit." You teased him back. He had never been good at keeping secrets from you, so the fact that your date destination was still a surprise shocked you.

"I told you to wear whatever you want. You always look beautiful." He relished in the bashful smile that you covered with a playful roll of your eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm ready now Mr. Impatient." You grabbed his hand as you walked out of your bathroom.

"Good, let's go." He guided you to the kitchen where he stopped to grab a picnic basket. He then lead you hand in hand to a blanket set up by the lake.

"We were going to be late for a picnic?" You questioned, fixing Bucky with a teasing glare.

"Not the picnic. The sunset." He teased back, turning your head to look out over the water.

You hadn't realized the sun was already in the midst of setting. "It's beautiful." You smiled as you stared at the horizon, the ultimate picture of peace and tranquility.

"Y/N, I've been in love with you for so long, I can't remember what it was like before I met you." Bucky kept his eyes trained on you as you took in the pink and orange hues of the setting sun.

"That's just because you have a bad memory." You joked, but your breath caught in your throat when you turned to look at him.

"Maybe so, but I don't want to remember any part of my life that you weren't in." He stated from his kneeling position. "I knew from the second you agreed to get dinner with me that I would ask you to marry me someday."

He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket, opening it to reveal a teardrop cut sunstone ring, small diamonds set along the band.

"Y/N, will you marry me?"

You shook your head up and down as you willed your voice to answer him.

"Yes. Bucky, I- yes."

He slipped the ring onto your finger, silently thanking Nat and Wanda for knowing your ring size. He then pulled you down into his lap, pressing a series of quick kisses to your lips between smiles.

"I love you so much, doll." He whispered, pressing kisses to your cheeks, nose, and forehead.

"I love you too, Bucky." You responded in kind. "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

He cuddle you closer, sliding the picnic basket next to you. "Let's start with dinner."

"I think I might be too excited to eat." He laughed at your pout.

"Well, if we hadn't of been late, you would've eaten before sunset." He smiled at your carefree laughter.

You looked out over the lake one more time, taking in the dusk sky as the sun swiftly dipped below the horizon.

"It was perfect just like this. You're perfect." You kissed him again, unable to contain the utter joy you were feeling.

"I'm hardly perfect." He objected.

"You're perfect to me." You countered.

"I love you. So much." He whispered one final time before kissing you again.

"I love you too."

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman

Memories taglist:

@otherglowcloud @dontxfearxthereaper

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

Tw/venting

Question for my mutuals:

how do literally any of you all cope with the fact that you Aren’t Normal and never will be

because like….maybe it’s a “I stayed in the house during the pandemic longer than other people” or maybe it’s a queer in the south thing, or maybe it’s a ND thing.

but I feel this immense pain and sadness (with some anger) when I realize how much I don’t fit in with people. especially in school and things.

I don’t experience huge emotions normally, I panic whenever I feel a smidge of attraction for another person. I can’t do sports because I’ve never done them and I would feel like I’m just doing it to do it and have a “normal” high school experience.

I’m probably not going to homecoming, mostly because I’m probably not getting invited, and I don’t know if any of my friends are going either. And it’d just be weird. Because being in a room full of sweaty people while I’m stuck in my head about everything I do isn’t really fun.

Feeling like(scratch that, knowing that) I’ll never truly fit in, even though I really don’t want to because it’s boring, hurts a lot. It starts making me feel unloveable. Because I see everyone else doing normal stuff, like having relationships. And I just feel so disconnected. And jealous. And also extremely insecure because one thing I’ve learned recently is that school society only views you as one of two things. Smart, athletic, or pretty/handsome. And I’m the smart kid. There’s a line of -50 people waiting for me to waltz them into a stupor. And it makes me feel so ugly and gross and unattractive and like I will never find someone who’ll actually like me beyond my intelligence. Because I feel like people find me too weird because of my interests already, so I might as well just be funny to cover up that whole problem.

like forced conformity is killing the kids but so is having them be in a world where anything that isn’t perfect and the same is rewarded with disgusted looks and “that’s weird”.

I know it’s all a confidence problem for me, and I’m trying to work on it but sometimes it gets defeating to feel out of place all the time.

and school is varying in degrees of fun-ness for me as well. Because yeah it’s fine. I’m almost failing APUSH but that’s fine and normal. But I’m just stuck in a system that doesn’t care about me or how I am. And when I go into the workforce, more often than not, it’s going to be the same thing.

and school just squishes all creativity I feel like I have. I do my work, come home, do fun things and take pity on myself for not being normal, go to sleep, repeat. And my teacher on Friday, after fussing at us for failing his class, told us about an experience he had at a competition. He brought his best kids, and they got absolutely wiped. The other kids’ SAT scores were above 1200, and they were from high-performing areas that don’t have a high-poverty rate.

and I didn’t think over it too much then (because other things were stressing me out) but now it just makes me feel so much worse. Am I truly not good enough? Is my intelligence that I barely pride myself in because of how fucked up the gifted program made me, really nothing in comparison to other people. And I get you’re not supposed to compare yourself to other people. It’s not good. But will other people always think “oh she’s just another black kid from a low-income city from the south. And is also queer and ND.” And just leave it at that. Because truly, nobody cares beyond that.

everything in this world just seems so fucked up, every system feels like it’s been tainted beyond belief, and that the people who understand that, and realize that everything sucks just have to deal with it. Because the majority just don’t realize it and don’t care. And even if they’re not in the majority, they still control everything, and still don’t care.

anyways yeah. will people every truly and actually appreciate me for the things I find cool, and will it get better for people who don’t fit in or do I just have to suck it up.

[buckyownsmylife]

white winter hymnal - tom hardy smut

The one where you’re Tom’s PA and you two get snowed in.

Warnings: smut, boss/employee relationship, dirty talk, kind of sexist remarks?, that wasn’t my intention, but maybe that’s how you’ll see it, so I should warn you about it, reader is very sex positive in this fic, idiot in lust, PA!Reader, jealous!Tom, kinda possessive! or maybe asshole!Tom, again it wasn’t my intention, I just wanted to write some dirty talk, use of the term cockslut and another that I can’t remember, or maybe it was cockslut twice

A/N: I’m not really satisfied with this collage, but this will have to do 🤷‍♀️ Anyway, here’s another anon request I received a while back. Please take everything Tom says as nothing more than dirty talk. Also, I did that thing where I wrote a pre-POV intro, idk if it’s any good but when the inspiration hits, I just roll with it ✌

Y/N wasn’t having a good week at work. It wasn’t that something wrong had happened - actually when you considered the cold facts about what had left her feeling so high strung that a simple touch almost made her moan, anyone would think she was crazy. Those were nice things, good situations that she’d found herself in.

But she’d disagree emphatically. There was nothing nice about the fuck-me eyes with which Tom, her boss, had regarded her when she arrived on set with the pencil skirt that she knew made her ass look great. There was nothing nice about the way he’d commented on how she was out to get him, making his life more difficult because of the way she was dressing. There was nothing nice about how he had kept on complimenting her, telling her how pretty she looked with her hair down, or how he joked about how it must have hurt when she fell from heaven.

And especially, there was absolutely nothing nice about the subtle, fleeting touches he’d decided to shower her with, leaving her burning and more aroused than she cared to admit, considering how innocent they actually were. Tom had been flirting with her ever since her job interview, it was nothing new and she should have gotten used to it by now.

But the truth was that she didn’t, she couldn’t. And who could really blame her, when every day it seemed like Tom stepped up a notch, making it harder and harder for her to ignore his advances and keep things professional between them?

Especially considering just how badly she needed to get off and just how attracted she was to him and his stupidly perfect body and damn hypnotizing smirk. She was only human, after all. A human woman with healthy desires that seemed to revolve exclusively about her boss.

God, she was pathetic. At least, she could always count on Saturday nights. That was the time she managed to escape the acting world and the craziness of the set where they had been filming for the last month to go to the bar and find someone who’d take her home and help her deal with her growing levels of horny.

If it weren’t for random strangers who knew what to do in bed, she wasn’t too sure she wouldn’t have succumbed to Tom’s spell and climbed him like a tree already. And that’s where she was headed, just after she stopped by his rental house and went over their schedule for the week ahead.

She’d get through this, she thought as she made sure her coat was tightly wrapped around her waist before exiting her car and running towards the front door, ignoring the snow that had been lightly falling since that morning. Just two more hours and she would be on her way to drowning her needs in another stranger’s body, just to pretend that she didn’t think about Tom during the entire act.

Yeah. She could totally do this.

Tom was screwed.

He had been since he first laid his eyes on her, some five months ago, just before they moved to this fucking freezing country to start filming for his next movie. He knew even back then, he should have thanked her with a smile, explained that she wasn’t right for the job, and asked her out. The fact that she was the best person for the job shouldn’t even have counted, because he was head over heels for her in that first meeting, how the fuck could he keep himself away when she was supposed to be working by his side every minute of every day?

In the end, the idea of having to wait until the end of filming to actually get to spend some time with her made him take the impulsive decision that led him to this situation. Having her so close, but nowhere near what he wished for.

It was hell on Earth. Especially since he knew she felt the same way, he could see it in her eyes, in the way she squeezed her thighs together every time he so much as looked her way. If only she wasn’t so unbelievably professional.

“Tom?” He heard her sweet voice calling out from downstairs and casted a glance at the window. The snow had been gradually building up since that morning, it was a surprise she had managed to reach his house in the first place. But of course, she would never let something as silly as the weather keep her away from her responsibilities.

With a low chuckle, he made his way to the living room, rubbing his hands together to create some warmth despite the heaters that were working overtime since he arrived at that house. It didn’t matter, it was still too fucking cold.

“Ready to go over your schedule?” He trailed his eyes over her body, taking notice of the dress she was wearing over the warm leggings. What day was it? Oh, right. Her day off started the minute she finished this one last task, and then she’d be off to…

He knew where she’d be off to. Thinking about it made him see red, especially since he didn’t have the opportunity to do the same where they were. He envied her, but he envied the lucky bastard that got to fuck her tonight even more.

“Of course,” was all he said, assuming a spot on the seat next to hers on the couch. She visibly tensed, but then threw him a small smile that seemed to try to ease her own nerves, to which he returned with a grin of his own.

“What are you all smiley about?” It was nice to see her more laidback, it was clear that the prospect of letting off some steam tonight was relaxing her. Tom could work with that. In fact, it just made his plans that much easier.

“I can’t imagine how someone could be near a woman as beautiful and not be happy, sweetheart.” Her smile immediately dropped, her eyes growing twice their size as he maintained his grin. “But let’s get on with it, shall we? I have a lot to plan out with you.”

She raised an eyebrow at his lack of interest in continuing to mess with her but shrugged it off before opening her planner. They did have a lot to talk about before she could finally leave to the nearest bar.

Tom chanced a glance out the window as she tried to locate their current week on her faithful notebook. This might just turn out the way he needed it to be.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Aaaand… I guess this finalizes your schedule for the next week,” I commented as I made sure to correct the time for a phone interview Tom would be having on the following Friday, before glancing up at him. He’d been mostly quiet for the last few minutes, a stark difference from how he had behaved during the entire meeting. Through all my time working for him, it had been the first time he was actually really present for the scheduling of his following week, making changes and trying to be sure that it would go as smoothly as he wanted it to be.

It wasn’t an unwelcome change, but it sure was peculiar. And by now, I knew him enough to get that there was definitely a hidden reason for him to be behaving this way. Still, I couldn’t yet grasp what it was that he had planned, so I resigned myself to getting through with what I intended to do for the day, and thankfully, that was now done.

“Well, if you won’t be needing me anymore, I’ll be getting out of your hair now.” I smiled softly down at him when I left the sofa, making quick work of my scattered papers and random pens before straightening out to say goodbye. “What?” I had to ask since he was looking at me like he was trying to contain his laughter.

“Well, first of all, sweetheart, I always need you. Perhaps not in the way you’re supposed to help with, according to your job description, but it’s the truth.” I had difficulty maintaining eye contact after that, opting to stare at the mountain of documents in my hands while I fidgeted from one foot to the other, feeling the arousal inside of me sparkle before starting to burn even more intensely. Why did he have to be so honest about wanting me?

“Second and perhaps most importantly… I think you’re stuck with me for the rest of the evening, love.” That made me look at him again, desperate to find any signs that he was only toying with my emotions, anything to show me that he was only playing. But all I got was a nod of his head, pointing towards the windows, and that’s when it hit me.

We were snowed in.

A lot of different feelings took over me at the realization. First, there was despair. What would I do now that I couldn’t go to the bar? Then, there was anxiety. How the fuck was I supposed to survive spending the night with my boss - to whom I was attracted to - in a house with a single room in it?

Finally, sheer panic set in, making me shake my head in frustration. I’d never be able to find enough control to resist him without the release that my weekly escapades granted me. And by the way he stared up at me, with those darkened eyes filled with lust, I could tell that he knew.

I watched with a trembling body as he slowly rose from the seat and made his way to me until we were chest to chest. His eyes ran up and down my body until they finally settled on mine again, and I had to bite down a whimper. 

That’s how weak I was for him. He could reduce me to a wanton mess with a fucking stare.

“You’re scared.” It wasn’t a question. Both he and I recognized it as a fact. Still, I whispered into the air between us, “Yes.” Immediately, he pressed on. “Of me?” I almost melted at the sight of such a burly, strong man, towering over me and devastated at the prospect of threatening me.

Tom’s P.O.V.

I waited for her answer with a heavy heart, but the hopeful expectation that she did actually feel just the same as I did: scared at the prospect of what could happen between us, but equally excited. 

“No.” I tilted my head at the word, curious as to what was her explanation, then.

“Then what?”

“Of what could happen if I let go of my control. Of what I would become.” Slowly, a smile took over my face, and I finally felt confident enough in her feelings to feel like I could touch her. So I raised my hands to hold her hips, rejoicing in just how small she was in comparison to me. It felt like I could very easily pick her up and take her - in whichever way I wanted. And there were a lot of them.

“Let go,” I whispered in her ear, having leaned down so I could compensate for our difference in height. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to see you without that precious control of yours.”

Goosebumps had spread all over her skin at the difference in temperature of my breath and her skin. I watched in fascination, following their trail, rubbing my nose across her jaw before finally, her lips were inches from mine. And then they were mine.

I possessed her mouth just like I’d fantasized for so long, desperate to make up for the lost time, for all the nights I spent alone thinking about her while she was off with someone else. And she responded just in kind, her arms barely able to embrace my body, but her palms were spread over my back, pulling me closer, and that was more than enough for me. 

For now, at least. Now that I’d captured her on my web, there was no way I was letting her go before I fulfilled each and every one of the dirty, dirty dreams I had about the two of us. I was going to ravish her. I was going to ruin her.

She let out a tiny whimper when I pried her lips open with my tongue, before melting in my arms as I explored her mouth, basked on her taste. “You know there’s no way I’m letting you go now, right?”

By the way she looked at me with hazy eyes, it was clear that there would be no resistance from her whatsoever. She was pliant and soft in my hands, easily following when I picked her up and climbed up the stairs to my room with her in my arms. And then, when she was on the bed, there was just no way I could control myself anymore, not even long enough to take off our clothes properly. So I just flipped her skirt up, before ripping apart her leggings and finding her underwear absolutely drenched for me.

“Fuck,” I whispered, already reaching out to rub my thumb over her nub, making her gasp and cry out for me. “I can smell you dripping through the fabric, sweetheart.” To my pleasure, she didn’t seem coy about it at all. 

Oh, no. My little assistant, the picture-perfect of professionality was licking her lips, frantically nodding to my indication. “For you, I’m always dripping for you.” A smirk took over my face at her confession, my cock hardening even more at hearing that while I was suffering silently all that time, so was she.

So I ripped her underwear to shreds, spreading my hands over the inside of her thighs to get the perfect view of that pussy that had been haunting my dreams. “Shit, I can’t wait to eat that.”  And with only those words as warning, I dove right in, attracted by the sweet smell that made my mouth water.

She was just as sweet as I thought, but the sounds with which she filled my bedroom were what drove me crazy. I couldn’t close my eyes to fully appreciate her taste, too transfixed by her beauty, unable to believe that I finally had her, that it was her pussy I was currently lapping.

“Damn, look at you,” I hummed against her clit, making her jerk and try to pull away for a split second before I threw an arm over her hips to secure her position. “You fought so hard against your instincts, only to end up right here, spread open for me.”

With each word that left my lips, she seemed to get closer and closer to her release. “And to think you could have had my mouth on you all this time. Tell me, darling, do you think a stranger could make you feel better? Were any of the people you fucked, trying to ignore our connection, this great at making you cum?”

I could feel her muscles quiver under the soft skin of the inside of her thigh, and I doubled my efforts on her pussy, determined to see her cum at least once before I finally got my cock in her. It was throbbing now, begging for any sort of attention, but I was too transfixed by the sight of her reaching her high, the way her chest heaved as I quickly rubbed her clit with my tongue before sucking it into my mouth.

“Gimme your cum, baby. C’mon. Been waiting so long to get you in my bed…” She came as I hummed against her, the sensations obviously flipping her over that edge. “Fuck, you’re sweet.”

I kept on slowly cleaning her up, mindful of not hurting her, as she struggled to get her breathing in check. Despite her sensitivity, I couldn’t get myself to part with her taste just yet, even considering the possibility of eating her out some more, making her cum one or two more times before I fucked her properly.

But that was all before she fractured my control with two simple sentences. “Want some help with that? I’ve really been looking forward to getting your cock in my mouth.” I hadn’t even realized that I had been grinding against the mattress as I pleasured her, just to relieve my needy member at least a little bit.

What I knew was that I most definitely would not be able to hold back enough to feel her mouth around me. At least this first time. So all she got was a growl as I pounced on her, forcing her to taste her cum as I kissed those gorgeous lips and held her knees open to accept my weight between them.

“Right now, I’m gonna fuck this little pussy until you’re sobbing for me, okay, love? If you beg nicely, I might let you taste me later.” She whimpered in response, and a smirk took over my face. “Wow, you really are cockdrunk for me, aren’t you sweetheart?” The whine I got only made me laugh, giving me a little bit more control to tease her some more.

“You think you’re ready for me?” I asked, pressing the head of my cock against her clit, rubbing it with my member. “Are you sure you can handle my dick, darling?” Watching her thrash around the bed in an effort to get me to push into her was something I never thought I’d get to see. It made that moment of victory just that much sweeter.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I was trembling in anticipation to finally have him inside of me. To feel that fat cock stretching me open, filling me up like I’d always wanted it to. It was enough to drive me absolutely crazy with desire.

“Yes, yes, please, I can handle it. Please, stop teasing me,” I begged, my hands not able to choose what to hold as I struggled to keep myself from losing my mind over my boss’ cock. From the depths of my desire, I took notice of the way he smirked, one eyebrow raised up as he stared down at me, still slowly running the head of his cock between my pussy lips.

“Teasing? This isn’t teasing, love. Teasing is what you did to me, every single day since we met, parading everywhere with those fucking skintight skirts.” And with those words as preamble, he finally slid home, only stopping when he was completely inside of me, hitting my cervix and difficulting the now herculean task of remembering how to breathe again.

“Fuck, I knew you’d be this tight. I just fucking knew it.” Those were the last things I heard before he started pounding me against the mattress, barely having given me any time to get used to his thickness. 

If I thought I was losing my mind before, it became clear from the way he was bruising my insides that there was no possibility of me ever leaving this bed as a sane woman. Tom had managed to reduce me to a blubbering, stupid mess. He truly had turned me into his cockslut, I realized. I’d do anything just to keep being filled by him, over and over again.

“See? This is what you could have been having this entire time. Me and my cock. Instead, you just had to leave me for those random men. And while you were out, having your fun, all I had to keep me company was my own hand.” Tom never stopped the torturing pace with which he kept on fucking me as he slowly drove me crazy with his words. It was just unbelievable how great he was at dirty talk, I felt like I could cum already from the rhythmic attack on my sweet spot and the filth he was spilling. 

The mental image he elicited of him touching himself didn’t hurt, either.

“You’re so egoistic, sweetheart. Wasn’t it your job to serve me? Instead, I had to get off all by myself.” Despite the teasing nature of his remarks and the still brutal pace of his thrusts, his touch over my body was gentle, as he gathered my hair away from my face so he could bury his head in the crook of my neck.

“You… You could have had anyone you wanted,” I managed to remind him, starting to mirror his movements, fucking myself up on his cock. “You could have had anyone at all.” Abruptly, he stopped hiding his face against my skin, pushing away just enough to watch my expression - or maybe to show me his, in all of its seriousness.

“The only one I wanted was you. This was everything I wished for, since day one.” Tom raised himself slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts in a way that had me gasping in surprise, while also preventing me from being able to figure out what I could possibly say to that. So he continued, slowing the movements only a bit, but fucking me deeper, his eyes searching mine for something I couldn’t pinpoint. 

Tom’s P.O.V.

She gasped, finally giving up that last little bit of control and allowing herself to relax against the mattress as I did all of the work. “But now I have you, huh? And this is where you should be spending your days, with my cock deep inside of your pussy, keeping me warm, keeping me happy.” I kissed her before finishing, “Keeping me fulfilled.”

With a moan that electrified every single cell of my body, she came and prompted my own orgasm, and I spilled inside of her with a roar, momentarily losing my strength and falling on top of her body.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, darling. Let me get out of you.” But she stopped me from leaving her arms and her pussy, hugging me to her chest until I had no other choice but to cuddle her.

“It’s okay,” she said, fingers lightly running through my short hair. “I like it.”

I fell asleep that night happy because I understood that was her way of saying that she was satisfied with this development in our once strictly professional relationship. And I couldn’t wait to wake her up with another reason why she shouldn’t regret this.

[renjunfromthestars]

more than

Pairing: Mark + reader, Bestfriend! Mark, Childhood friend!Mark

Genre: Fluff, angst, honestly a little bit of crack LOL

Song recs: Best friend + Untitled + Waiting Room (Rex Orange County), Sofia (Clario)

Warnings: Mild swearing and mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 7.0k (my longest fic yet, wow!)

Summary: You’ve known Mark for all your life, and it only takes one drunken night (plus a little intervention with Haehcan) to think that you wouldn’t mind getting to know him a little better...

Notes: The fact that I actually had the patience to sit down and to write something above 3k words,,,,absolutely astounding, amazing, unique, never been seen before…. Mark is a little awk and always works so hard (poor bby), so imagining him as a super stressed pre-med major and oblivious best friend absolutely wrecks me thank you goodbye

----

When you first meet Mark, you’re eight years old, and it’s at church. He’s dressed in his Sunday best: a light blue button up, khakis, and shiny dress shoes. He looks stiff as your mother introduces you two, with his shirt buttoned all the way to the collar.

It’s not that you dislike him, but you think he might dislike you, with the way he avoids eye contact, eyes tracing the floor, your shoes—anywhere but your face.

You see panic flash through his eyes when his mom gently pushes him towards you, telling him to take you inside and reserve a spot in the pews while she catches up with your mom. 

He shuffles awkwardly, and wordlessly, you follow him into the building.

The pews are almost empty, with the bulk of them being filled in the front by the old people that usually have nothing better to do on their Sunday mornings. Although your local church is on the smaller side, it feels unusually large with rows of empty pews, almost eerie. You shudder at shadows the walls make with the stained glass, and hurry to your usual spot towards the middle.

If Mark notices your apprehension, he doesn’t say anything. He’s oblivious, actually, not noticing your absence until he’s almost at the end of the rows. When you see him stop and search for you frantically, you stifle a laugh. 

He eventually finds you, and after shuffling awkwardly between the pews, makes his way to you. 

“This is kinda far, isn’t it?” he murmurs.

“Huh?”

“I mean,” he stammers. “I usually sit closer to the front. ”

You peer at him from the side. “You actually want to pay attention?”

He scratches the back of his head. “Well yeah, isn’t that the point?”

“I guess,” you say, looking at the ceiling. With the sprawling arches and patterns, the designs are pretty, you think. 

“You should at least try, it’s kinda interesting,” when you turn your head to look at him he turns away. “Only if you want to, of course.” he adds, fidgeting with his hands.

When you tell him that maybe you will, you see him crack a small smile.

It becomes a routine, almost every Sunday, with you and Mark sitting next to each other.  Whether it’s closer to the front or the back, it’s a whole debate. You usually give in, because when you walk in, Mark is already waiting for you in the front. 

….

“Do you still go to Church?”

You’re laying on a green bean bag in Mark’s dorm room, procrastinating on the midterm paper you were supposed to get started on, well, a week ago. 

You think for a second, hand raised to rub your chin, just to tease him. “What’s church?”

“C'mon dude, are you serious?”

“Barely,” you say, standing up to move to sit on his bed. “You should really get a new bean bag, it’s kinda deflated.”

Mark ignoring you, reaches over from his desk to fluff up the bean bag. “It’s because you sit on it so much.” 

“Are you calling me fat?” and before he can defend himself you finally answer him, “I stopped going in like, middle school. It would be hard even if I wanted to, to find a whole new congregation, and I’m just busy. Also, it’s so boring, I could cry.”

Mark perks up. “Not if you go with me.”

You groan dramatically, and Mark chuckles. 

“Good to know that you haven’t changed since you were eight.”

It’s just your view on church, that hasn’t changed since you were eight. First thing things first, you were 19 now, going on twenty. You’re in University now, your second year. It’s been a blur assignments, partying, coffee and term papers- you don’t have time to think about anything else right now. Except maybe actually starting your paper but-

Mark interrupts you midthought, breaking the silence. “Are you still with that guy?”

“Huh? Who? Yuta?”

“Yeah,” Mark responds sheepishly, avoiding eye contact.

You roll your eyes. “No, we haven’t been together for a while. It wasn’t that important so I forgot to tell you.”

You can tell he's surprised about how unusually calm you are for talking about your first serious breakup, but he doesn’t say anything, instead just scratching the back of his head awkwardly in typical Mark fashion. “He was an asshole anyway,” Mark murmurs.

“What did you say?” you ask, acting shocked. “Mark Lee? Talking shit?”

Mark, embarrassed, refuses to repeat it. 

“I’m just saying, he wasn’t the right person for you.” he protests.

“As opposed to who? God himself?”

“I can think of a few,” he sighs, but you aren’t paying attention, instead laughing your ass off on his bed.

“You’re insufferable,” he says, standing up to open the door. “C’mon let’s go, I’m hungry. I know you’re not starting that paper anytime soon.”

…

It’s a routine, seeing Mark on Monday afternoons for lunch. Not Friday, because you were busy getting wasted, and consequently not Saturday, because you were too hungover. Not Sunday, because Mark had church, and you, well, were busy praying to God that you would be able to finish all the work you’d neglected over the weekend as a result. 

“I still don’t understand why you choose the worst day of the week for this,”  you say over your Kale caesar salad, pushing the leaves around aggressively. The University had a lot of healthy options, which you were grateful for. Grateful for you were not, were for the student loans you had to pay off every month, the exorbitant amount you partially owed to all the local and expensive organic produce the meal plan featured for the sake of being sustainable and health conscious.You could really give a rat’s ass about whether your salad was organic or not; if your weekends said anything about you, no amount of kale could help you (or your liver).

“It wasn’t really up to me,” Mark points out. “Maybe if you weren’t too busy being-”

“Ta ta ta,” you tsk, waving a finger around. “I, unlike you, actually have a social life.”

Mark frowns. “I have a social life.” 

Mark definitely had a social life. He was popular, even. As popular as you can be, being a preoccupied Pre-med with perfect grades. Mark is likeable. It’s not like he doesn’t have the opportunity to go on weekends if wanted to, he just chooses not to, deciding to slave away at biological functions, orbitals, and lab results instead. Even now, as he takes his glasses off to clean them, you notice the imprint they leave on his face from how long they’ve been sitting on his face, and doesn’t take you long to find the dark circles that grace the skin under his eyes: he’s exhausted.

You frown too. “You should really get out more Mark. You seem stressed.”

Mark gives you a small smile after putting his glasses back on, and then resumes typing on his laptop. “I don’t know how going out would make me less stressed,” he says, distracted. “I would only be more stressed, knowing the work I have to do.”

“Yeah, but you're pretty organized.” You point your fork at him accusingly, kale falling to the side. “Don’t you usually finish things early too?”

“Yeah, I do.” he admits,  and before you can press onwards you’re interrupted by a girl you recognize to be his lab partner.

Goggles in hand, you can see the marks they leave around her eye area, but she’s somehow still annoyingly beautiful, with her glossy straight hair and long eyelashes, but that’s not why you dislike her. She might be the most stuck up girl you’ve ever met. 

“Did you do the calculations yet?” she says, turning to Mark. ignoring you. It’s only when you cough in your seat that she turns to you. “And hello, (y/n).” An afterthought.

“Hello Yebin,” You give her a wry smile. “How's the lab?”

“The usual.” she glances at Mark, who seems to be doing some finishing touches on said calculations. “How’s Chem 2?”

Boy, does she really grind your gears. 

“It was fine, I actually placed out because I took it in high school.” Not to mention, it was a class for freshmen, and you were in fact, now a sophomore. 

Before she can say anything back, Mark claps his hands in celebration. “Done! Sorry it took me so long, I just had to double check some things.”

“It’s no problem,” and with the way her voice drips with a sickly sweetness, you want to gag. It’s so painfully obvious. “Are you still down for tomorrow?”

Poor Mark, always oblivious, stops typing on his laptop and looks up in confusion.  “Huh?”

You silently laugh at the expression Yebin makes when she realizes Mark has no idea what she’s talking about. “For our study session? The MCAT is just months away.”she reminds him.

Mark remembers. “Oh yeah, about that, I was thinking we could also invite-”

“Great!” she chirps, “See you tomorrow!” and with a flash of her white lab coat, she's gone. 

Mark scratches the back of his head. “I guess she had somewhere to be.”

You roll your eyes for what it seems like the 100th time this week, anymore and they might be permanently stuck to the back of your head. “She definitely likes you.”

“Who? Yebin? No way.” 

“Yes, Yebin, and yes way.” You fling a walnut from your salad over to his side, and he cringes.

“What is your problem?” he grumbles, and resumes typing on his laptop.

You drop the subject, because you know any talk on girls is completely lost on him. As you set aside your salad, you peer over at Mark, palm supporting your face. He’s focused, eyebrows slightly furrowed, with his lips mouthing over silently whatever science journal he was reading on his computer screen.

Mark has always been good looking, you think. You don’t know why you’ve never really noticed it before. His nose bridge gently slopes over his face, and his jawline is sharp, having lost his baby cheeks years ago. He works out often too, although he barely talks about it (maybe out of fear you’d tease him for being a gym bro). And with the way he’s so adorably awkward,  It’s no surprise really, that every girl friend that you’ve met of his seems to be completely smitten. 

Shaking your head, you snap out of it. It’s dangerous to think of Mark that way, you think. You’ve known him too long.

“My problem? I think you’re the one with the problem here. I’m surprised your hair isn't completely gray by now.”

Mark ignores you, probably mad at the fact you tried to start world food war three with him with a walnut.

“Hey.” you flick at his forehead to get his attention, and he flinches. 

“There’s a party this weekend at Johnny’s fraternity, you should come.” Johnny, being both your long time mutual friend (who’s demeanor is way too nice to fit the stereotypical frat boy image, really) who has since stopped asking Mark out of respect for his “med school grind”. 

“I’m already planning on it,” he responds, and you’re surprised. 

“Since when do you actually accept party invitations?”

“Since yesterday, because I’m tired of Haechan bothering me about it.”

You silently cheer, of course, you expect nothing else from Haechan.

…

“I never knew it was so hard to get booze.”

“It’s not hard if you’re 21.”

Scoffing, you turn your head to face the boy across from you. As if he can feel the burn of your gaze on his forehead, Haechan stops typing on his Macbook and lifts his eyes to meet yours. 

“No shit Sherlock, but last time I checked, we both weren’t 21.”

The sun had set a half an hour ago, and despite having spent the whole afternoon together, you and Haechan have had yet to come up with a way to secure the drinks you promised your friends for tonight’s pregame. With both of you being certified schemers representing your respective friends, you guess it wasn’t that big of surprise that the responsibility was left on both your shoulders. It beat scavenging alone, and spending time with Haechan wasn’t so bad either, when you two weren’t trying to kill each other. 

It was already late, and Haechan had deemed Ubering to the nearest packer store that sold Soju (the sweet sweet liquid of choice) was too much work. You on the other hand, had dismissed that option for a completely different reason. The issue in question was the flimsy, borderline pathetic excuse for a fake ID Haechan planned to use at the packer store. 

“Hey it works!” he protested. “You just act like you’re already legal and they don’t even card you. Easy.”

You roll your eyes as Haechan theatrically reenacts his last trip to the packer store.

“I asked him how he was doing, and he told me school sucks. I say to him, ‘Tell me about it,  thank god this is my last year!” and as if to emphasize his next point, he flicks his wrist in the air, ID snuggled between his index and middle finger. “And I was on my way. No issue at all.”

“That’s because he didn’t even see your fake I.D stupid. He would’ve called you out on your bullshit in an instant.”

Out of all the different options available, you could not fathom why he chose his fake ID to show that from all the places in this world, he was from freaking Hong Kong. There were fifty states to choose from, other English speaking countries, and he chose to pose as an  international student on a student visa. He could most definitely look the part, but after looking at the ID he proudly slaps on the common room lounge desk, you deadpan. The yellowish tint to the card was way too suspicious to be taken seriously.

“I wish we could just ask Mark,” you sigh, and Haechan looks at you like you’re stupid.

“He’s 20, ya dimwit.”

“I know, that’s why I said I wish. You have serious hearing problems.”

Haechan stops typing on his laptop to shoot you an especially heated glare, and you’re reminded again why he’s #2 on your fight list, right above Yebin. First place was taken by the girl you almost actually fought at that one University party a town over, wherever she is you hope she’s having a terrible day.

“If it were not for the rules of this land, you’d be dead right now Haechan.” 

Haechan places his head in his palms, and flutters his eyelashes disgustingly. 

“But you love me.”

“Yes, as much as Mark loves social events. Speaking of Mark, how on earth did you get him to leave his cave?”

“It didn’t take much,” and before you can call him out for lying, he shushes you.

“Okay, maybe a few days of nonstop begging.” Haechan says as his eyes dart across the laptop screen. You raise your eyebrow. “And I might have threatened to release pictures from the photoshoot his mom made him take when he was younger.”

“I expected nothing less from your evil, evil, mind.”

He scoffs. “Hardly. Just resourceful.”

Resourceful he is, because Haechan is the one who ends up finding a plug for the alcohol that night. 

…

A can of four loko, a bottle of soju, and a few shots later, you should be hammered, wasted even. But after 14 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days into college, your tolerance is pretty high, so you’re really just plain drunk. Even so, you’re a little messy (no surprise). You’re not in a state to be trusted with any errands, so you don’t understand why Haechan asks you to pick up Mark along the way to Johnny’s fraternity. 

“Why do I have to do it?” you whine, putting your hand over your forehead, and Haechan only laughs at your dramatic display of despair. 

“Because Johnny messaged me that Mark isn’t there, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting him flake on me this time. ”

You point a finger at him, and he stifles a snort when you’re off by a couple inches. “Letting him flake on me, me, me as in you! It’s not my problem.”

But there’s no use in arguing with Haechan, and you know it. That’s why you find yourself stomping your way up the second floor of Mark’s dormitory like you’re in elementary school again, having just been scolded by your mom and being forced back into your room.

You knock at his door impatiently, and it feels like forever until you hear some shuffling, and see the door knob twist open. To be honest, it’s probably just a few seconds, but time is different when you’re intoxicated.

Before you even see him, it smells faintly of  shampoo and detergent, so you’re not surprised when he opens the door and you see his hair is still half wet from the shower. He’s definitely party ready, and when you mean party ready, he’s wearing the same loose black tee and grey joggers he wears to sleep. His socks don’t match and you try not to laugh, because it would be a bad look for you, to show up intoxicated, and apparently crazy. 

“Oh (y/n), what are you doing here? Oh shit is today Friday? I totally forgot, Haechan is going to kill me-'' He looks at you and then pauses, scrunching up his nose. “Have you been drinking?”

“No.” you say sarcastically, but it definitely falls short of Mark because he looks at you like he does not believe you. Good, because he shouldn’t.

He sighs, and ushers you in his room. It’s dark, with the only light emitting from the little steel lamp on his desk, which is covered with his notes, pencils, a textbook, and some highlighters. When you finally make your way to his bed (with difficulty) he sighs again, and you silently scold yourself for having that mini drinking contest with Haechan. If you thought you could handle your alcohol well, Haechan was an absolute monster. 

You nearly screech when Mark flashes a mini flashlight in your face, and he tells you to calm down before someone thinks he’s committing murder. He holds your face still with his index finger resting on your cheek and his thumb lifting your chin. You try your best not to squint when he tells you to, instead focusing on his face. He’s so close, you can feel his warm breath on your face. If you weren’t already so flushed from drinking, you suspect you’d look beet red now. 

“Well, your pupils still dilate normally, so I don’t think you have alcohol poisoning-”

The world is moving a little, so you plop backwards on his bed— albeit a little harder than expected because he rushes over to you and looks concerned. 

“-but I don’t think that’s the problem here.” he finishes. 

Your eyes are closed, mainly because his bed is really comfy. “I’m here to pick you up.” and as if to emphasize your point, you wildly start pointing in all directions, hoping it would land on him. 

You open your eyes when you feel him grab your finger and turn it thirty degrees to the left, just  stopping at his chest. Your sense of direction must be really bad, because it turns out you were pointing at nothing. 

“I don’t think we’re going anywhere for awhile”

“Noooooo” you wail, and Mark lets go of your hand to sit back down on his desk, and unsurprisingly, begins reading his textbook again. How he is able to focus with you in the background, you don’t know, but it must have taken years of practice.

At this point, you decide to take matters into your own hands. You shove yourself off the bed and grab his arms from behind him. His roller chair scoots a few inches before he stops it.

“You’re not exactly making great case for yourself here”

“Stop making excuses!” 

You aim straight towards the armpits, and you’re confused at the lack of reaction, so you reach over to squeeze his knee. Almost immediately, he crumples over, almost falling off the chair. 

“Can you-” he says mid laugh, “please” he gasps, “Stop that!”

You respond by attacking his other knee, and it’s over. He falls off his chair and you go down with him. The difference is that he recovers quickly, and starts tickling you back in revenge. 

You’re sensitive, so it feels like you’re dying. You try to use his arm as leverage to push yourself up, but next thing you know he’s toppeling over you. You close your eyes and wait for your head to kiss the cold hard floor but it never comes, because Mark's hand cradles your head, breaking the fall.

When you open your eyes, he’s closer than ever before, noses touching. Lips a mere centimetres away and in a weird embrace, you resist the urge to close the distance. 

Mark has always been good looking, especially now, so close to you. You don’t know why you’ve never noticed it before.

When he pulls away he’s flustered, and for the first time, so are you. 

It’s an awkward silence, with you still on the floor as he stands up, rubbing the dusk from his knees. He scratches the back of his head and offers you a hand 

“Let’s head out,” he says.

“Yeah, let’s.” you echo. 

…

Although Haechan berates you for being more than a little late to the party, he’s overjoyed that you somehow managed to show up with Mark. Not that he didn’t have faith in you anyways, he tells you. It’s just that Mark is married to his Biology textbook, and she runs a tight ship. By the time you reached the frat with Mark, you’ve sobered up enough to enjoy yourself normally, 

It’s when you wake up in the morning, that you’re not okay. It’s not okay, because you dreamt of Mark, and that’s weird, because you and Mark were just friends, right? And you always will be. 

It’s not a big deal because friends dream of friends. Dreams are a product of your own desires environment, you tell yourself, it’s perfectly normal because you spend so much time with him.

What is not normal, is when you see Mark the following Monday, and are worried about it. You’re nervous the whole time, and it gets worse when you slide the little watermelon filled tupperware container across the table in apology for last Friday. He likes his watermelon cut up into little cubes, you remembered (why do you remember?), and you avoid his eyes, pushing a stray piece of hair behind your face. 

Mark, oblivious as usual, doesn’t really notice anything until 10 minutes in, as if your lack of rambling surprises him. Munching on the cubes, he asks if you’re okay.

“Yeah, I am.”

No you are not. You are utterly fucked. 

…

“But you need to promise me you won’t judge or make fun of me for it”

“Just say it already, Jesus.”

“It’s just so embarrassing.”

“Oh my god, are you in love with me?”

“No!” 

When placing your hands in your face, Haechan grants mercy on you, patting you on the back instead of teasing you further.

“I don’t know what else could be so important that you need to talk to me in person. Unless…. it’s about Mark?”

His hands stop soothingly rubbing your back and instead starts slapping it, waiting for you to laugh along with him. When he doesn’t get a response he gasps. Turning his head sideways to face you, he pries your fingers apart.

“No fucking way.”

“Right?” you moan.

“I was just joking, but I can’t say I didn’t expect it.”

You remove your hands from your face and look at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Like, you’ve known each other forever. You spend a lot of time together too. Someone was bound to catch feelings eventually.”

You don’t respond, instead choosing to sulk.

“You know I’m right. You just don’t want to admit it because you’re the loser in this situation.”

Right he is, because you’ve been avoiding Mark for the past few weeks like the plague. You’ve told him that you’ve been busy with your final term paper (you’re not, you’re an engineering major why would you have one?), and although he was a little confused, he was probably also a little thankful because the MCAT was only a month away. 

As you tell him about your plight, Haechan listens thoughtfully, “mhming” and “ahh-ing” at all the right places.

“I don’t see how ignoring him helps you at all. I would say to just talk to him about it, but it’s Mark, he probably hasn’t thought about you that way at all.”

“Thanks,” you grumble. “So I’m basically one of the boys.”

“No really, mans might as well be the anemone from Nemo, I’ve never seen him interested in anyone.” Haechan sighs. “This is a tough one.”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something, but I might have to get creative.”

“I’d like to see you try Hyuck.”

…

It’s 9pm Sunday night, and there’s a knock on your door. It’s strange you think, because it’s a Sunday, and it’s a little late to be doing anything.

When you open the door, there he is, Mark Lee in all his 5’9’ glory, with a little bag in hand, in it your favorite milk tea. 

“It’s Sunday.” you say, intelligently. 

Mark just chuckles. “Yes it is, and your point?”

You step aside so he can walk in, and you’re embarrassed at your current state. For once, you’ve finished your assignments early, so you’ve spent the past four hours in your pajamas watching K-dramas and snacking on honey chips. You must look like a bum.

Mark on the other hand, always looks good, even in some old dress slacks, and an old t-shirt with some holes in it. He smells faintly of antiseptic, so he must have just come from a volunteering shift at the hospital. 

“It’s nice of you to drop by,” you poke the straw into the bubble tea. “And thank you for the bubble tea.”

“You’ve been busy recently so I figured you’d need it for the caffeine content, but it’s not like you sleep anyway.” he jokes. “How’s the term paper going?”

“The term paper? Oh right, the term paper. It’s alright,” you lie. “Just a couple of pages left. Beats having to take the MCAT though.”

Mark looks tired, with his hair slightly overgrown and his dark circles hallower than usual. You feel bad—he has a habit of overworking himself; you’re usually there to check on him but lately you haven’t, and he’s kind and thoughtfull enough to bring you something because he thinks you’re stressed.

“Yeah tell me about it,” Mark takes a seat next to you on your bed, head hitting the wall with a soft thump. “It’s going to be all over next week though, I can’t wait. I’ve missed you though.”

Busy silently cursing at yourself for the way your heart flutters at his admission, you forget to respond. Mark frowns, places his hand on your thigh in an attempt to soothe you, and it has the opposite effect—you think you might go into cardiac arrest. 

“Is something wrong?”

“N-no.” you stammer. “Just stressed. ”

Mark makes things worse by leaning in closer, gently placing the back of his hand on your forehead. “You’re kinda hot.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, like I think you may be running a fever.”

He hops off the bed, and rummages around in his little black bag, and pulls out a thermometer. He places a little sleeve on the end, and motions for you to open your mouth. When it beeps, he takes it out of your mouth and looks at the result.

“Your temperature is fine, but you should rest. I’ll see you soon okay?” He pats your head. “Take it easy, I know you’ll do great.”

…

You might not have a term paper, but what you do have is a physics final. 

The desk area is littered with eraser dust, crumpled paper, and half filled styrofoam cups of coffee that have since gotten stale. You swear to god that Physics was a subject meant to torture, not enrich the lives of college students. At this rate, you were seriously debating dropping out to become a stripper. 

Haechan, not sensing your dismay, disrupts your plans to drop out by telling you something that puts a damper on the rest of your day, as if Physics wasn’t doing that already.

“Have you noticed that Mark’s been hanging out a lot with that one girl lately? What’s her name? So-bin, Yee-ben, Ben 10, ”

“Yebin,” you snap. “And don’t ever disrespect Ben 10 like that again. ”

Haechan lifts his hands up, “ I agree she’s a total bitch, but man is she hot.”

“Aren’t you supposed to make me feel better, not worse?” 

Haechan’s face softens and for once in his life, looks a little sorry. “All I’m saying is if you don’t do something soon, someone might do it for you. I overheard her saying something about her and Mark going to spring fling together.”

He’s not wrong, but Mark, at Spring fling? At a Darty? Willingly? His idea of a good time was studying.

“You’re kidding,” you scoff.  “As if he’d be caught dead at something like that.”

“I don’t know (y/n). He doesn’t really have much else to do now that the MCAT is over.”

Right, the MCAT. He took it last week. You mentally slap yourself for not asking how it went. 

“Speak of the devil.” Haechan says quietly, motioning behind you.

There she is through the glass, Yebin, pulling a seat next to Mark, not before sneaking up behind him and planting a fat kiss right on his cheek.

…

Maybe if this were a movie, you’d cry all weekend and he’d make it up to you; But this is real life, so you secretly cry for a week and sulk for the rest of the month, blaming your puffy eyes on seasonal allergies (In real life, Mark can’t make it up to you because he did nothing wrong. He’s also not even aware that you like him, but that’s besides the point).

Despite Haechan’s attempt to convince you that it could’ve been just a friendly kiss, a greeting kiss, a whatever kiss, you insist that you’re done with your little crush, that it had shriveled up and died. Although not so convinced, Haechan drops the subject all together and instead resorts to comforting you in his own way, which mainly just consists of making fun of you about other things.

Mark is a touchy subject, and you’re still avoiding him. Why? You don’t really know. You know it’s not fair to Mark, who is probably very hurt and confused at your lack of communication. Nonetheless, he doesn’t question it, and is so infuriatingly mature with his emotions that you suspect that he even respects it, because he stops texting you after a while. 

You feel bad about stonewalling him, leaving him in the dark, but really, what would you say to him? 

“Sorry-I-haven’t-been-talking-to-you-it’s-just-that-I’m-in-love-with-you-and-I’m-butthurt-that-you-have-a-girlfriend-of-course-it’s-not-really-your-fault-but-”

You shudder at the thought, because it’s just plain embarrassing. 

But really, you’re not the best at expressing your emotions—you’ve never been. Frankly, you’re tired of expressing your emotions because it never got you anywhere. Not with your mom, not with your dad, and definitely not with Yuta, who you dated for a year and half a year just to dump you like you were nothing. 

It’s not worth it, to put your emotions on the line for anyone, not anymore. You locked your heart away a long time ago, and you were a fool to let it come out last time, and you like to think you learn from your mistakes.

At least, that’s what you think, until you return home one Sunday night from the library and see a little cup of your favorite milk tea at the door, with a straw neatly balanced on the top. 

…

When spring fling rolls around, you still haven’t spoken to Mark, and if your friends catch on, they don't mention it. They know by now that you prefer to deal with things alone, to digest them for what they are and then promptly moving on—you know, like processing a death. 

It doesn’t really matter, you think. You and Mark have always been friends, and will always be friends. Nothing more, nothing less. And when you get over yourself, things will be fine. 

But really, how can it be fine when your whole world stops every time Mark looks at you?

You try not to dwell on it, even now weeks later. You’re busy getting ready to go out, blotting your lipstick on some tissue paper in your friend Yuna’s bathroom. 

“(y/n), you look amazing.”

When you turn to look at yourself in the mirror she’s right; The mascara you put on your lashes really brings out the color of your eyes, and your skin (thanks to Yuna’s highlighter compact) is literally glowing. You feel really pretty.

You turn to smile at her. “Thanks to you.” you tell her, and she gets bashful, pushing you out of the seat and ushering you out the door. You make it down stairs no problem, but she calls you as soon as you walk out the door.

“Yes, I have blotting papers with me, and no, I am not dating Haechan I’ve told you thousands of times-”

“What about me?” 

You turn around to find Haechan leaning against the dormitory wall, already waiting. 

Embarrassed, you tell her you need to go and hang up the phone. 

“How long have you been standing here? Hopefully not too long.” You apologize, but he assures you it’s all right.  

“Are you sure your friends are fine with you leaving them early to go with me?”

“Yes Haechan, they’re just happy that I have someone to go with.” you sigh. “Almost too happy.” 

He laughs, after looking at you, he pauses. “You look nice.”

“You do too, Hyuck.”

If you didn’t know any better, you would say he seems embarrassed at your compliment. 

When you walk into the venue, you’re not surprised at how spacious it is. You’re used to your school going all out, from the kale salads and now, spring fling. They might as well call it spring semi-formal, because everyone is dressed their best. 

You see Johnny at the end of the punch table, and he waves, motioning for you two to join him. 

“And my favorite couple,” he greets you two, and you almost smack him upside down the head. 

“Relax, I’m just kidding.” and he leans in for a hug. “How are you (y/n), I haven’t seen you in a second.” 

“I’m good, just been super busy. You were so right, Professor Kim has been really keeping me on my toes in Physics 430,” you laugh. “Every time I walk into the classroom I can feel my life flash through my very eyes.”

He laughs, and you all laugh with him. Johnny tends to have that kind of effect on people.

“How’s Mark?” he asks, and you cringe. “It’s been a while.”

You laugh nervously  “ I haven’t seen him in a while either.”

“Oh really. Don’t you see each other every week?”

“Well we used to,” you panic. “Just not anymore because, you know, I-”

“Because you’ve been so busy,” Haechan finishes.

Johnny gives you two a strange look but continues talking anyway.

“Well that’s life. Poor boy’s been studying for the MCAT like his rent is due tomorrow.”

“More like everyday.” Haechan snickers. 

Johnny doesn’t hesitate to flame Haechan for his insolence, and begins teasing him for almost failing Calc II (Calc II was kind of hard you admit but that is an admission that will die with you), meanwhile, you’re whisked away by Yuna and her entourage. You glance at Johnny and Haechan, who bid you farewell with a nod of their heads.

It’s fun, you’re having a great time dancing, and eating mini hot dogs on a toothpick (you guess your university had to cut corners somewhere). When Roxanne plays, you and Yuna go wild, nearly knocking over a waiter over with a silver tray. You have so much fun, that you forget that Mark Lee exists until you make eye contact across the floor. 

It's no surprise that he’s with Yebin, who looks annoyingly prettier than usual, with her makeup all done and satin dress. She’s pulling him in the opposite direction, but Mark seems to pay no mind, instead staying in place, looking at you. A moment passes, and you see him excusing himself. When he begins to head your direction. You panic. 

Before you can even react, you feel an arm wrap around your waist, pulling you close. When you finally turn to see who it is, you’re nose to nose with none other than Haechan.

“What are you doing?” 

“Just go along with it,” Haechan whispers through his teeth. Your hands are pressed against his chest, and he grabs one of your arms, placing it around his neck.

“Go along with what? Have you lost your mind-” 

Before you can finish your sentence, his lips press against yours and your mind goes blank. He tastes like peppermint and aftershave, with his lips soft in the center and just a little chapped around the edges.  

When you two finally part, Mark is nowhere to be found, and you don’t know how to feel. 

“Haechan I-” you stammer. “I need to go.” 

You hurry off, and he doesn’t follow you. 

…

When you’re outside, it’s  cold; the air is brisk and definitely doesn’t help steady your breathing, it only makes it harder. It’s a lot to process, Mark, Yebin, Haechan. It’s a lot, and you feel like you’re in emotional overdrive, with all the feelings you’ve been trying to keep in for the past few months coming back to bite you.

You sit down at the edge of the fountain outside the venue, and you nearly get soaked. It misses you by mere inches, with the ceramic fish looking at you almost mockingly. You don’t care, with all the thoughts running through your head right now, you think you might go insane. 

You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there at the fountain when you feel something wrap around you, warm like it was just taken out of the dryer. It smells familiar, like cologne and faintly of antiseptic—it smells like Mark.

You don’t look at him when he sits down next to you, legs open, hands crossed. And he doesn’t look at you. It’s radio silent.

“So you and Haechan, huh.”

“So you and Yebin.” you echo. 

Mark looks at you for the first time, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh that.” He shuffles awkwardly. “I don’t really like her like that.”

Your head raises in surprise, and you face each other for the first time in months.

“I thought you guys had a thing.”

Mark scratches the back of his head. “Well we do, but it’s just in her head” he says, and you can’t help but laugh. “She came onto me last week, so I finally set things straight.” Noticing your reaction, he just shakes his head. 

 “I don’t think it worked though,” he adds.

“I would think, you’ve always been too nice for your own good.” 

“I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings, you know?” he murmurs. “I feel terrible.”

“You’re not a terrible person just because you don’t like someone back.”

“Maybe not, but I believe not wanting you and Haechan to be together does.”

It takes a moment for his words to register within you, and even after you process them, you’re not sure what to say.

“We don’t like each other like that.” you interrupt him.

Mark looks visibly confused. “Then you and Haechan aren’t??” his voice falters.

“No more than you and Yebin. I promise you it’s not what it seems like.” you tell him and it finally clicks. You’d have to thank the idiot later. Right after you slap him.

Mark doesn’t question it, not even when you start crying. You don’t question it either, unsure of why you’re crying. 

“You’re so stupid,” you sniffle. “I’ve liked you for so fucking long.” 

Mark pulls out his pocket square to gently wipe the tears from your face, and places his hand on top of yours. 

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? You could have just said something.” his says softly

“I didn’t want to ruin anything. We’ve always just been friends.”

“I think we’ve always been just more than that.” he says, leaning in, hands cup your face gently. 

 “Just took some of us a little longer to realize.”

....

“That was very nice of you,” Johnny says. 

“Yeah. Very nice.” Haechan echos. 

“How long has it been, that you’ve liked her for? Three years?”

“Two going on three.” 

Johnny lets out a low whistle, and looks down at the younger boy worriedly. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Haechan glances at you and Mark through the glass, outside the venue. With Mark whispering in your ear and you laughing, you seem so happy; happier than you’ve ever been with him.

“Yeah, I am. More than okay.”

[whatisthiswritingthing]

Observation Skills - Part Four- Lindsey Horan x Reader

Alright team, what are you wanting going forward? Super slow burn? Angst? I have a pretty good idea where I am going, but open to suggestions. 

Lindsey really is a teenage girl with a crush again. 

Lindsey: So I’ve decided we can’t be friends.

           Hot Trainer: But I come with dog?

Lindsey texted Sara later that day, receiving a selfie of the blonde and her dog in response.

           Lindsey: As adorable as Blaze is, he does not take away the suffering that I endured at the hands of your workouts.

With only an eye roll emoji sent in return, Lindsey began to panic. What if she thinks I’m serious?

Beginning to spiral, thinking she ruined their easy dynamic when it had just begun, Lindsey started to type out an apology.

           Hot Trainer: Don’t be so dramatic!

                                Those were in season workouts, should be nothing for a professional athlete like yourself ;)

                                I’ll talk to Sean to make sure he prepares you better for this season.

Lindsey was instantly filled with relief, a smile on her face. Their easy banter remaining.

           Lindsey: I’m pretty sure that’s not what I said at all! There is no need to make threats like that.

The two blondes continued to banter back and forth the remainder of the day, a smile never leaving her face. The blonde trainer putting the midfielder at ease with such a casualness it should alarm her, but somehow reassured her. Sara made fun of herself as much as she made fun of Lindsey, while also asking questions and making an effort to get to know her. Letting her expand when she wanted and casually changing the topic when she didn’t, with a smattering of pictures of Blaze throughout as well.

Their banter easily carrying over to the next morning, conversation never stopping except when Lindsey finally fell asleep early into the morning.

           Hot Trainer: I’ve thought about it, and I wouldn’t be a good trainer if I didn’t adequately prepare you for your season workouts.

A smile immediately on Lindsey’s face at waking up to a text from the trainer.

           Lindsey: It is far too early for you to be so mean already.

Lindsey continued to get ready for training, rushing slightly to make it there sooner, wanting to get as much time with the trainer as she could. Today was her last workout with Sara, after today Lindsey didn’t know what their dynamic would look like. Was Sara just being this way with her because she was training her? Would they continue to talk? Text? A smile and wave in passing?

As her anxiety continued to climb and her thoughts spiraling, she realized she was parked next to the red Range Rover again. With a deep sigh, Lindsey made her way into the gym.

All thoughts and over analyzing immediately stopped when she walked in.

Walking in, Lindsey immediately found the blonde working out. The loud music not even registering to the midfielder as she watched the trainer do pull ups at a rapid pace, only for her to drop down to the ground and begin doing pushups at the same speed. She’s shirtless, of course she is shirtless. And has a rib piece. Of course she has a rib piece.

With Sara’s back to the entrance, it gave Lindsey the chance to fully appreciate the blonde trainer’s physique. The soccer player obviously knew the firefighter was strong, but watching the muscles flex and work froze Lindsey in place.

Lindsey slowly made her way further into the gym, wanting a closer look. Wanting to feel the muscles for herself.

She was brought out her thoughts when a wet nose nuzzled into her palm. Wrenching her hand up and taking a hard step the opposite direction, she looked down to see two brought blue eyes of Blaze who simply sat and cocked his head in confusion.

“Told you he would be his best friend,” Lindsey startled again at the voice. Sara nodding to the ball now at her feet, obviously dropped from the large brown and white husky.

“Well, you clearly aren’t giving him enough attention,” she sassed back, impressed at herself for even being able to form words.

Deliberately keeping her eyes on the ball, Lindsey leaned down to pick it up and throw it the opposite direction. Braving a glance back, she found that Sara had since put a shirt on. Now she couldn’t decide if she was pleased about this or not. Wanting to see more of the skin, but not knowing what she would do if she did see more of it.

“Yeah, he’s pretty neglected, treated terribly,” Sara said sarcastically. At the same time the mentioned dog dropped the ball back at Lindsey’s feet.

“Clearly,” She snorted with an eye roll, throwing the ball again.

“You’re early again,” Sara observed, “let me go change, you keep giving him the attention I don’t give him.”

Lindsey’s eyes followed as she jogged up the stairs, transfixed on the flex of her legs as she bounded up them.

A few minutes later, Sara made her way down the stairs, now fully clothed, a bowl and large bone in either hand, with a spoon hanging from her mouth.

As Sara got closer, Lindsey could smell the cinnamon and brown sugar from the oatmeal in her bowl.

“Breakfast?” Lindsey joked, motioning to the bone with a grin.

Pulling the spoon out of her mouth, she replied, “needed to make sure I get my protein in today.”

Blaze rushed forward, patiently waiting in front of Sara for the bone in her hand. Effectively ending their joke as she handed the bone to the husky.

“What are you eating?” Lindsey asked, confused when she saw a flash of colour as the trainer took a bite.

“Dinosaurs!” Sara exclaimed, excited, quickly tilting her bowl towards Lindsey.

“Dinosaurs?” Lindsey questioned, peaking into the bowl, seeing the small candy dinosaurs mixed in with the oatmeal.

“Are you telling me you have never had dinosaur oatmeal?” the blonde questioned surprised, “they start as eggs then hatch when you heat it up!”

“How are old are you?”

“Don’t be hating on the dinosaurs!”

“Aren’t you a nutritionist? There is no way that is healthy.”

“A, I never said I was a good one,” the trainer states, pointing her spoon toward Lindsey before taking another bite, “b, dinosaurs are essentially protein.”

Lindsey just stood staring at the trainer, trying not to smile, enjoying the childlike behavior as she ate.  

“I don’t even know what to say to that,” shaking her head and looking down, Lindsey hid her blush at seeing the joy on Saras face as she smiled at her.

“Perfect! If you are done making fun of my dinosaurs, I remember a few of the hardest workouts I made for you last season,” Sara replied flippantly as she focused on scrapping the last bit of oatmeal from her bowl.

“Making fun of? No, that was definitely all out of jealously.”

Sara just rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Go warm up!”

The rest of the morning went the same for the two women, the whole work out filled with smiles and laughter. Sara keeping to a normal workout, not pushing Lindsey past her limit. Lindsey pushing herself hard to impress Sara.

After the workout finished, Lindsey grabbed her stuff and walked to the door. Sara and Blaze walking with her. Lindsey began to feel the anxiety from earlier return, overthinking their new dynamic.

“I might have to convince Sean to take more time off so we can train together more,” Sara mentioned casually as she made her way around the front counter, lazily reclining in the desk chair.

“I hate to break it to you, but I only stuck around for this guy,” Lindsey replied, leaning to ruffle Blaze’s ears, working to keep her nerves hidden.

“Fair, he is quite the catch,” Sara said in return. Lindsey missing the flash of disappointment on Sara’s face when Lindsey didn’t return the interest in training together.

“Yea, he definitely is. Talk to you later.”

With that, Lindsey made her way out the door and into her car and rested her head on her steering wheel, letting out a big sigh. How could she possibly feel this attached to someone she has only spoken to for less than a week?

Beginning her drive home, Lindsey let her thoughts travel. The gorgeous firefighter the focus. Drifting between the many different attributes she noticed in the three days with her. How effortlessly Sara could make her laugh and smile; her quick wit and charm never making Lindsey uncomfortable as she was just as quick to mock herself as she was Lindsey. The confidence she carried with her, but never seeming arrogant as she explained things. The effort she put to always ensure Lindsey was alright and comfortable with the physical contact before touching her. How at ease Lindsey felt with Sara, a level of comfort she hadn’t felt with anyone outside her family. Her personality left Lindsey wanting more, more of what, she didn’t fully understand.

Then without trying, Lindsey’s thoughts drifted to her physical attributes. The other woman was gorgeous. Shorter than Lindsey, by only a couple inches. An athletic build that only could be developed from years of sports and training, obvious strength through out. Muscle definition that could rival any fitness model, and easily put them all to shame. Bright blue eyes that seemed to see everything, and never held judgment. With a smile that bordered a smirk but was too damn charming for its own good. Accentuated by one small dimple on her right cheek. Sometime both when she smiled big enough.

How is she even real!?

I am absolutely fucked.

The next few days Lindsey felt a little unsettled. Her and Sara had texted all day Friday, then minimally Saturday and Sunday. Lindsey had gone to the gym both days, staying consistent with her program, only to find it missing the blonde and her dog.

By Monday, her anxiety had returned fully as she made her way to train with Sean again. The two talked and caught up, but Lindsey felt unfocused the whole time, always waiting for Sara or Blaze to appear.

           Lindsey: Worried to see how much happier I am with Sean back than I am with you? :p

           Hot Trainer: Is this your way of saying you miss me? ;)

           Lindsey: If you mean miss Blaze, then definitely.

Lindsey quickly received a picture of the mentioned husky stretched the length of a body on a couch, a pair of boots on the floor in background.

           Hot Trainer: He is clearly struggling, but he’s putting on a brave face.  

Despite her anxiety, Lindsey felt herself smile at the picture and the easy banter again. Then she literally face palmed, of course Sara wasn’t at the gym or texting quickly, she was working!

She needed to reign this crush in.

After realizing how much she was overthinking the last couple days, she just enjoyed talking to Sara like normal. The two continuing to message through the day, sometimes with long pauses that Lindsey assumed were due to Sara being on a call. Lindsey felt herself relaxing again.

“Alright, what has you smiling like a dork at your phone every ten seconds?” Tobin whispered in the locker room later that afternoon after practice.

Blushing, Lindsey quickly locked her phone, tossing it into her bag on the floor, “nothing.”

Glancing up, she looked around to make sure no one else was paying attention, before putting more focus than needed on untying her boots. Deliberately ignoring Tobin, feeling her watching her.

At hearing the phone vibrate in her bag, Lindsey started to reach down to check it before stopping herself, aware of Tobin’s gaze.

“So, does nothing have a name?” Tobin teased, causing Lindsey’s blush to deepen.

With another quick glance around, Lindsey dropped her chin to her chest.

“Sara,” she mumbled quietly.

Sensing the struggle her friend was experiencing, Tobin just rubbed Lindsey’s back, silently encouraging her to continue. At her continued silence, Tobin moved to wrap her arm around Lindsey.

“Come on, let’s go to your place, you can offer me your gross Kombucha, I’ll refuse, you’ll feel guilty, then feel obligated to tell me all about Sara.”

With a small smile, Lindsey nodded and the two began making their way to their respective cars.

AS soon as the duo entered the apartment Lindsey headed to the kitchen while Tobin moved to the living room and sprawled out on the couch.

“Kombucha?”

“No. So Sara?”

“Yupp, Sara,” Lindsey replied, lifting Tobin’s legs to sit on the couch with her, “she’s a trainer at my gym and I somehow went from ‘who is this crazy person also working out at 5am’ to ‘grin at my phone like a fool’ in hardly a week.”

Lindsey dropped her head to the back of the couch, lazily letting it roll to see Tobin’s reaction.

“So? There is obviously something there then, nothing wrong with that.”

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“Just go with the flow Lindsey, it’s been a week you said. Talk, hang out, get to know each other. If there is something more than friendship, act on it, if not, you made a new friend.”

“You make it sound so easy!” Lindsey lets out a frustrated sigh, aggressively flopping her head back to stare at the ceiling.

“Start from the beginning, this doesn’t sound complicated.”

Lindsey told Tobin about her intersections the blonde trainer over the past week. She described how she looked, how she made Lindsey feel, about her personality. Everything.

“I’m sticking with just go with the flow Linds, like you said its only been a week. Don’t worry before there is something to worry about.”

“Don’t worry?! I don’t even know if she is single or likes girls. I don’t even know if I like girls! But I know I like her! Fuck!”

Dragging a hand down her face, letting out a frustrated groan.

“Alright, slow down there tiger. No way someone in a relationship is texting someone new as much she is texting you or flirting with you. And if she is flirting with you, that either means she likes girls or likes you too. But most importantly Linds, you don’t need to label anything. You can like her without liking all girls or any other girls. Just do what makes you happy and comfortable.”  

“It’s that easy?” Lindsey asks timidly, turning her head to see Tobin.

“It is that easy,” Tobin repeats.

“I’ve never had feelings like this before, I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to do anything. Just talk to her, add some serious stuff in there in the middle of your banter. If she is anyone worth being with, she is going to be patient with you and go at your pace.”

Lindsey just nodded along, staring at the ceiling again.

“Now, show me all the pictures of the dog and lets watch a movie,” Tobin says with a smile, shoving Lindsey shoulder to help settle her.

Lindsey quickly pulls out her phone, pulling up all the photos Sara had sent of Blaze.

[kakashiswilloffire]

Friend Killer Kakashi

ao3

words: 2.2k

warnings: angst, mention of gore, mention of vomit, no comfort

He was ready to crawl out of his own skin. His whole body flushed with waves of heat, prickling uncomfortably in his chest, like thousands of pins jabbing both inside and outside of himself. He stopped, gripping the counter to hold himself steady while he dragged shallow breaths into his lungs. He knew he needed to take a deep breath, he was telling himself to take a deep fucking breath, even just one, why can’t he just even breathe correctly, how the fuck was he supposed—

The sound of his fist interrupted him before he’d even realized he had struck out. Knowing it would be several minutes before the pain really set in, he smacked his hand against the counter again and shook his head viciously. Silver strands, oilier than he usually let them get, stung as they met skin while the weight of his hair shifted.

He sucked air thickly into his nostrils then pawed at his nose, grimacing at the spices that overwhelmed the air around him. He tossed the pan into the sink, not caring that it still sizzled or that the oil splashed onto the cold tiles beneath him. He was trying to make pan fried eggplant to go with the premade miso soup he’d picked up last week. It had been a shitty week and he just wanted to make his favorite meal to make everything hurt a little bit less. There was no way it’d be as good as what Gai made, or whatever Dai had done when he first made it for him, but Kakashi figured it would do, and since it would be the first thing he had cooked himself all week, there should be some sense of achievement and dopamine to relish in when it was done. Unfortunately, it had gone terribly.

He couldn’t remember exactly what spices went on the eggplant. Salt, pepper, minced garlic, and then Gai would riff from there. Kakashi hated that—he was fine as long as he could follow a recipe. Gai, however, could just pour a splash of soy, or a squeeze of lemon, or even a drizzle of honey on anything and it was phenomenal, and also, unrepeatable. He could remember what the version he wanted tonight should taste like, and it didn’t matter what bottles he shook out into the pan, it never smelled right. The oil just kept popping onto his arms and hands, and the eggplant got slimier, and everything started to smell way too strong.

Kakashi Hatake, master of a thousand jutsu, and fucking garbage at cooking.

Whatever.

Running his hand along his forehead, he tried to find a single thought to focus on rather than the swirling mess in his head. Rin’s death a few months ago had hit him hard, much like he had hit her. He knew Gai hated to hear him think like that, but she would be alive if he hadn’t been there. If his hand hadn’t crushed through her chest, her ribs scraping along—

He lurched forward, the smell of the kitchen and the visceral memories getting to him at last. His shoulders jerked erratically as he retched into the tiny sink then sunk to his knees. The cold of the floor helped ground him while he wrapped his muscled arms around his stomach, leaning his head against the cabinet until the room stopped spinning.

Pathetic.

Obito would be absolutely pissed to know this was what he died for.

Gai wouldn’t be back from his mission for at least four more days. Kakashi was on a temporary leave pending the results of the investigation into Rin’s death. Ibiki had tried to reassure him the other day that unofficially it was looking good, and should turn out in his favor soon. He was almost certain to be found not at fault. Kakashi had scoffed—even if that was the official ruling, her murder was entirely his fault.

While they weren’t living together, Gai had taken it upon himself years ago to have a spare key, or maybe several spare keys, to his apartment copied and he kept one in a pocket in that garish green spandex at all times. With everything going on, Gai had been by every other day or so that he was in the village. The couch still had a crumpled blanket at one end he had used the last time he stayed overnight, and the one throw pillow with the Hatake crest that Gai wouldn’t let him get rid of. He tossed it out of his way as he flopped down on his back, letting his legs kick up and rest over the top of the dingy couch.

Why did anyone bother with him? Why would Ibiki go to the effort of leaking confidential information about his investigation to him? Why would Asuma invite him out for drinks every Friday night? Why would Kurenai and Genma leave bottles of sake in his mailbox with notes that everything would be fine? Why would Gai.. anything relating to him?

He couldn’t even hold the memories back long enough to successfully make dinner. He hadn’t even reheated the miso soup, and that was only two steps. He couldn’t save Obito, he couldn’t save Rin, he couldn’t convince Gai to leave well enough alone.

What if Gai was next?

Fuck.

He couldn’t let Gai be next. There were a lot of things he had failed at, but damned if he wouldn’t succeed in this. He could not, under any circumstances, let Gai any closer, any further into his life. The further away he could get the overly-enthusiastic shinobi, the better.

He nodded, swinging his legs around to the edge of the couch and letting that propel him into a seated position from which he sprang up. He walked over to the tiny end table and wrenched open the single overstuffed drawer, digging through for a pad of paper and the first writing instrument he could find, a blue pen with the academy’s logo printed on it.

Gai—

I don’t know how to tell you this, but you have to stay away from me. It’s for your own good. No one close to me is safe, even from me.

Sorry. Please understand.

—Kakashi

He read over the messily scrawled note, then tore the sheet off the pad and crumbled it in a fist. There’s no way Gai could read that and not have about a billion questions. Especially with how they had relied on each other through the years, from Dai’s death to Rin’s, this wouldn’t be remotely good enough to get Gai to stay away.

He sat down on the couch again, tapping the pen absentmindedly against the faded lined paper. What do you say to someone to convince them to be done with you completely?

When the key scraped into the lock, he froze.

The door swung wide open, Gai slumping into the apartment. His jumpsuit was nicked and torn and his hair didn’t have its usual luster. He was clearly exhausted, though not chakra exhausted. Kakashi felt the familiar pangs of panic begin to hit—how was he back so soon?

“Hey, ‘Kashi. The client blew the mission terms totally out of proportion—he made it seem like it’d be almost an A rank, and instead it was like a grueling C rank. We’re still not sure if the pay will be adjusted accordingly, but Ebisu is arguing it shouldn’t be because we did still run into trouble—Stone ninja near the border tried to take Chouza out. Recognized him somehow, but no worries, Konoha’s magnificent Green Beast was on the scene and we handled them without any major issues.” He grinned and flexed, posing for a moment before relaxing now that he had reached his destination and sliding his vest off and onto the hook by the door.

“How have you been? You eaten yet? Yakiniku is running a special according to Chouza—he asked me to join him for a post-mission meal and I told him I’d have to swing by here and see if you wanted to tag along. You like their short rib, right? Or are you still on the vegetarian kick?”

It never failed to impress Kakashi how Gai could fill a space, whether it be with his words, his personality, or his posing. No matter how he did it, though, it always was genuine and warm, and it was nearly impossible to maintain the solemn composure he frequently fronted. They made a nice contrast as a pair. Shame they would never have the chance to explore the friendship further.

He looked down at the crumpled paper on the ground and kicked it under the couch, setting the pad and pen aside. Unfortunately, he was going to have to explain in person.

He walked past Gai without making eye contact, the other man stepping out of his way without resistance. He lifted the vest off the hook next to his own vest, brought it briefly to his own chest, and immediately regretted it when the scent of his rival slammed into him. Once again, he shook his head vigorously, then shoved the vest back at Gai.

“Get out.”

He laughed, taking the vest back and slipping it on without understanding. “Want yours as well?” he asked, reaching for the door.

Kakashi felt flushed again, realizing that Gai meant for them to get dinner together. He walked back into the small living room, keeping his back to the door.

“Don’t need it. Get out.”

Gai’s laugh died in his chest, questions rising to the surface. “I… You okay? Did something happen while I was gone? Your investigation results? I told Ibiki to send word if they made the announcement, that asshole—”

“No, Gai. Nothing happened. I just…” Kakashi swallowed and felt his heart frost over. “Just did some thinking. Realized I’m better off without you.”

He scoffed. “Very funny, Kakashi. Come on, grab a jacket or something, Chouza said he’d wait on me to get back.”

“I mean it, Gai. You’re holding me back. The stupid challenges, do you think I actually care? I’ve always been stronger than you, and now that I’ve got the Sharingan, it’s comical, competing against you. I can see all your moves from miles away. You broadcast like a bull. You’re loud, annoying, and a useless ninja. I want you out of my life.”

There was silence for more than a full minute. It might have been as long as the two of them had gone without speaking, ever. Then Gai crossed to Kakashi in two steps, grabbing his left shoulder and spinning him around to face him.

“I know you’re not saying all that ‘cause you mean it, Kakashi. Look me in the eyes and think about this.”

Kakashi steeled himself, making full eye contact with the single grey eye. “Why don’t you think about it, Gai? Honestly? What kind of a ninja can’t even use ninjutsu? Everyone’s just humoring you and letting you make a fool of yourself. You’re a walking lesson in how to not be a shinobi.”

Gai blinked hard, his eyes beginning to shimmer. He cocked his head to the side, his grip on his rival’s shoulder only strengthening.

“’Kashi, I know things are hard for you. I know your brain lies to you sometimes. It’s okay. Listen, we’ll stay here tonight, I’ll cook, we can watch a movie or something, I’ll keep watch so you can sleep and we’ll talk more in the morning. There’s no pressure. I care about you, Kakashi. Let me help you.”

His eyes were swimming now, the passion making tears roll slowly down his face. The silver-haired man refused to move or answer. Swallowing, he made one last effort to persuade him. “Kakashi… please. Don’t do this. I love you.”

Kakashi’s heart, freeze dried, now shattered, crumbling into a powder and blowing away on a light breeze. Of course Gai loved him, and he loved Gai, but could Gai really mean that he… could he love him the way?—

Impossible.

No. Of course not. And even if he did, that just put him in all the more danger.

His resolve strengthened, he scowled back. “Fuck off, Gai. A ninja that only uses taijutsu is useless in battle. Don’t you remember how your dad died? Couldn’t save himself, could barely save you. What did you even do to try and help him?”

He was grateful for the fist that slammed into his jaw, shutting him up and knocking him into the wall.

“Fuck off, Hatake.”

He only dimly registered the door slamming, and possibly coming off its’ hinges. After a beat, a glint of silver flew through the air and lodged into the wall directly opposite the door. Slowly, he gathered himself up and limped over to it, realizing with a sharp ache that it was the key to his apartment. Turning to the mirror propped near the door, he stared down the version of him with grey circles under his eyes, thumbing at the blood growing at the corner of his mouth.

Friend-Killer Kakashi was starting to sound more like him by the moment.

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Seal the Deal

Dean Winchester x Reader

Words: 2658

Summary: A hunt gone bad leads to Dean’s death. While Sam looks for solutions in vain, you make an appointment with a crossroads demon. 

Notes: Here is the first part of the Deal series! This series is gonna be suuuuuuper dark, so fair warning to all of you. I’m really really proud of these three imagines, so I really hope you guys enjoy. As always, let me know what you think!

Warnings: Death, gore, mentions of Hell, plenty of guilt, sacrifice

Special shout out to my amazing beta reader Sarah, @suckmysupernatural​ . I love her so much and honestly, she’s helped me so much in getting these imagines out for you and she has some absolutely killer writing of her own!

Want more Supernatural? Find it HERE

-

Thursday 4:44 P.M. 

You messed up. You had been so sure, so ready to be the hero. Why wouldn’t you just listen to them?

Sam and Dean stood on either side of yo, guns raised and shoulders tense. Two pairs of black eyes glistened wickedly. They definitely weren’t vampires. 

“I think we owe the pretty one a thank you.” The one possessing the girl laughed. “Sam and Dean Winchester dropped at our feet like a good hunting dog.”

“What am I, hellhound food?” You snarked, readying your weapon. She just smiled. 

“You will be.” 

“Enough talk.” Dean stepped in front of you, his defensive boyfriend mode activated. 

The boys leapt into action, Sam taking the man on the right and Dean took the one on the girl with the mouth. You only had your knife, but luckily Dean had come prepared with an angel blade. She swung her arm forward, crashing a nearby table into both of you. You recovered quickly and lunged at her. The demon Sam was fighting grabbed you by your hair and prepared to slit your throat. 

“No!” Dean shouted, throwing the angel blade into the demon’s chest. 

That’s when a sick snap echoed through the room, making the rest of the world go silent. You turned around and felt everything inside of you shatter. The demon had her hands on either side of Dean’s face, his head turned in an unnatural way. His body fell, but you didn’t hear it hit the ground. You didn’t hear anything. Not Sam screaming out his brother’s name or the demon’s dying shriek when he ran it through. 

You didn’t realize you had moved until you were on the floor, checking Dean’s broken neck for a pulse. You watched the life fade out of his eyes, his green irises staring blankly at you. 

“Come on Dean, we have to go.” You whimpered, laying a hand on his cheek. 

“Dean…” Sam crouched down beside you. “No. No, Dean you can’t go like this.” He clutched his brother’s hand, letting out a painful, guttural cry. “Dean!”

-

10:27

Dean Winchester was dead. His body laid on the bed in front of you. This was real. And it was your fault. Sam was pacing back and forth, muttering something about calling Cas and looking for spells. 

“I’m so sorry, Sam.” You muttered. He stopped moving. 

“Everything is going to be okay.” He assured you, his eyes filled with desperate hope. “We’ll get him back.”

“This is my fault.” You wiped a tear with the back of your hand. “We went in unprepared because I didn’t listen to you. Dean dropped his guard because he was saving me.” 

“You can’t think like that.” He sat beside you, reaching out to comfort you, but you pulled away. “You’ll find all the ways to blame yourself, believe me, I know. But that isn’t going to help Dean.”

“He threw that blade without a second thought.” You mused, as if you hadn’t heard what he said. “He gave up his only weapon to stop me from getting hurt.” You finally tore your eyes away from Dean and looked at his younger brother. “Why would he do that?” Sam’s eyebrows drew together. 

“He loves you, Y/N.” He said softly. “Dean protects the people he cares about, no matter what it costs him. He sold his soul to save me all those years ago. It’s who he is.” You froze, letting his words sink in. 

“You’re right.” You sat up straighter, pulling your thoughts together. “Sitting here feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to bring him back.” But you knew what would. Sam nodded. 

“Cas has been M.I.A so far, but he might know what to do.” Sam looked at his brother with determination. “You should try and get some sleep. We’re going to need all of us at our best game to get him back.”

“When are you going to sleep?” You countered. Sam sighed, putting a hand on Dean’s arm. 

“When I figure out how I’m getting my brother back.” You huddled close to the younger Winchester. Laying your head on his shoulder, you tried to fight the exhaustion that was slowly taking over your limbs. Sam leaned into you, wrapping an arm  around your shoulders. “We’re going to get him back.” 

“We’re going to get him back.” You repeated. The world needed Dean alive. You needed him. Before you fell asleep, you looked at his face. You would give anything to see those green eyes again. Anything. 

-

Friday 3:23 A.M. 

“Y/N! Sam! Anybody!” Dean’s screams echoed in the dark. Fire ignited around him, illuminating the table he was strapped down to. A saw blade hung above him. “Not again. I can’t do this again. Sam! Y/N!” 

The saw’s shrill cry drowned out his painful pleas for help. It lowered ominously towards him. Dean’s blood splattered his screaming face as the saw cut into his rib cage. 

You woke up to darkness in a bed that was not your own. It took a moment to catch your breath and for your eyes to adjust. You were in Sam’s room. He must have carried you in here when you fell asleep. It was nicer than the couch and Dean was in the bed that you shared. Dean. The image of his chest splitting open burned itself into your head and you rushed into Sam’s bathroom. You threw up the little you had in your stomach before stumbling through the bunker to you and Dean’s room. 

He was just a still shadow in the dark. You collapsed next to the bed, hands clinging to his unharmed chest. Tears streamed down your face and your words came out as garbled sobs. 

“I’m going to get you out.” You swore. “It should be me. You’ve already suffered so much. It should be me.” You fell into a shaking, crying mess on the floor, a hand still desperately clutching his. You had to fix this. Dean wasn’t supposed to die. If you had just listened…

“Y/N?” Sam opened the door, letting light stream in the room. When you could see the body, you started screaming. You shrieked like you had lost your mind. Maybe you had. All you could see was Dean on the table being ripped apart. 

Sam grabbed you and lifted you up off of the floor. You fought him without thinking and he trapped you in his arms until you had calmed down enough to stand on your own. 

“We have to save him, Sam. We have to save him.”

“We will.” He put his hands on your shoulders. “We’re going to find Cas and we’re going to make a plan.” You shook your head. 

“No, no, Sam we don’t have time. We have to get him out. He’s been there too long already.”

“Y/N, what are you talking about?” 

“I saw him and-and-” You started hyperventilating and Sam put your amblings aside, chalking them up to panic and grief. He pulled you close again, keeping your face to his chest. Dean would know what to do. He stared at Dean’s body and did the one thing he could do. He prayed. 

-

2:07 P.M.

There was nothing Cas could do. Without his grace, he couldn’t even transport on his own, let alone raise someone from the dead. He felt so useless.

“We’ll find a way.” Sam refused to give up. If he had to go to the ends of the Earth, he would. It’s what Dean would have done for him. 

Sam was worried about you. You hadn’t said a word since last night and you wouldn’t leave the room. You barely even blinked when Cas arrived. He knew how much you loved his brother and he knew how much the guilt was gnawing at you. 

“Should I talk to her?” Cas asked. Sam shook his head. 

“Not yet.” He said somberly. “She’ll feel better once we have a plan.” 

“Sam,” Cas sighed, “I think we might need to start making other kinds of plans.”

“What?”

“I want Dean back as much as you do, but you know this isn’t what he would want.” Cas knew that someone had to be the voice of reason, even if he wanted nothing more than to bring Dean back to life. 

“What if it was me in that bed? Or Y/N? Or you?” Sam snapped, jabbing a finger at his chest. “Dean would not rest until we were alive again.” Cas’ face pleaded with him and Sam’s shoulders slumped. “But,” He took a breath, “if nothing works, and we’ve turned over every stone, looked at every spell… then we have to let him rest in peace. He’s earned that.”

You stood around the corner, your heart sinking with every word. He wasn’t at peace. Unless you did something, he would never be at peace. You crept back to the room, making sure not to make any noise. You carefully closed the door and lowered your voice so Sam and Cas wouldn’t hear. 

“Sam’s working hard to find a way to bring you back.” You leaned against the wall, watching Dean as if you were expecting him to respond. “But they’re not going to find anything. Life's just not that easy for us.” You paced forward, standing over him with a sad smile. One of your tears fell down onto his lips. 

“I know what I have to do. Trouble is, I know that you’re gonna hate me when you wake up.” You lifted his hand, holding it against your heart. “But that doesn’t matter. The world needs you, Dean. Sam needs you. I-” You choked back a sob. “I need you to come back, baby.” 

You knew that this was right. You just hoped you could be brave enough to do it.

-

11: 49 P.M.

It was a warm night, but you still felt an icy chill run down your spine as you stood at the crossroads. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Dean Winchester’s little pet.” Her red eyes glistened when she smiled. 

“You know why I’m here.” You snapped. You didn’t have time for witty demon banter. 

“Yeah, yeah, you want your boyfriend back because one of my black-eyed friends snapped that pretty neck.” She rolled her eyes. “What is it with you people and sacrificing yourselves all the time? Dean’s gone, sweet cheeks. Move on.”

“Can you do it or not?” You were half tempted to take an angel blade to her throat. 

“Dean’s a pretty big player. He’s already gotten out of hell once, not to mention all of the trouble he’s caused for us.” She started to circle you, her wicked grin making your skin crawl. 

“Look, if you can’t do it, can we just-” She clicked her tongue like she was scolding a child. 

“I didn’t say I couldn’t do it.” The demon stalked towards you. “But it’s going to take a lot of pulled strings and I don’t have ten years to wait around for your soul.”

“That’s fine.” You growled, stepping forward. You weren’t afraid of her. “Dean only got a year when he saved Sam.”

“Oh, I don’t have a year either.” You faltered for a moment. 

“How long will I have?” She seemed to be calculating in her head, counting off on her fingers. Her smile grew. 

“I can give you until Monday at midnight.” 

“What?” 

“Three days. 72 hours to spend getting freaky with Dean-o before I feed you to the dogs.” She laughed, watching your confidence fade. 

“Three days?”

“Do we have a bargain or not? I have other appointments, you know.” 

“You swear that you can bring him back? No tricks. Just Dean, him and his soul in one piece?” She held up her hand in a mock pledge. 

“Scout’s honor.” For a second you just stood there. Could you do this? You didn’t have a choice. “Come on, Y/N. You have to seal the deal.” 

The clock struck twelve, the sound of the bell snapping you out of your trance and restoring your courage. You yanked the demon forward, colliding your lips into hers. She pulled back, red eyes flashing with twisted delight. 

“Time starts now.” 

-

Saturday 12:32 A.M.

Sam finished lighting the last candle and inhaled the overpowering scents of artificial pine and apple cinnamon. It was nauseating, but it would hopefully help when the room started to smell. He turned to the body and sighed. Cas was right. They needed to do something. He heard the bunker door open and rushed out to the entry, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Where the hell have you been?” He demanded. You looked at him blankly. “Y/N, you can’t just run off in the middle of the night. I was worried that you had-” He didn’t even want to think about it. But you were here now and not at the bottom of a ditch, which was something to be grateful for. 

“I’m fine, Sam.” You tried to keep your hands from shaking by holding onto the railing as you went down the stairs. Sam noticed the dirt on your hands and the still determined look in your eyes. 

“Y/N,” his expression changed from angry to panicked. “Where were you?”

“Does somebody want to tell me why my room smells like an old woman’s car?” The voice echoed from down the hall. Sam’s eyes went wide and your heart started to race. As soon as Dean appeared in the doorway, you leaped into his arms. You took his face in your hands and kissed him like it was the first time. Confused, though pleased, by this greeting, Dean pulled away. 

“Dean,” Sam let out a sigh of relief and hugged his brother, momentarily forgetting your suspicious absence. 

“What the hell is going on?” Dean barked, eyes darting between his brother and his girlfriend. 

“What do you remember?” Sam asked. 

“I remember the demons and this neck cramp like you wouldn’t believe.” He thought for a moment, everything slowly coming back to him. “I was in this place. A home. My home. There were pictures on the mantle with me in them…” HIs gaze landed on you and he smiled lovingly. Your blood ran cold. No. “You were in them too. There were a few of me and Sammy, on hunting trips- but not our kind of hunting. Normal people hunting.” He stared off, like he was trying to go back. “Y/N, you came in holding this little boy with my chin and your smile.” He finally snapped out of it, remembering where he was. “Anyway, I heard this clock bell chime and I woke up surrounded by a whole Yankee candle store.”

“Dean…” Sam said softly. “I think you were… in Heaven.” 

“I don’t know, but it sure felt like it.” Dean sighed. He had seen the life he always wanted. A real life, a family, with you. 

You just stared, processing every word. Sam read your face and remember your unexplained absence. 

“Y/N, where did you go?” He spoke in that low voice that always came before he went off. 

“He’s back now, Sam.” You held your head up. You did the right thing. You did the right thing. Dean froze. 

“What is he talking about?”

“Y/N disappeared for four hours and then you suddenly came back to life.” 

“You wanted him back too, Sam!” You yelled. You did the right thing.

“Not like that!” Sam’s voice boomed and the room fell silent. HIs anger dissipated into dread. “We would have found something else.”

“Not in time.” Your eyes fell to the floor. Dean put his hands on either side of your face. 

“Y/N, look at me.” You looked up into those green eyes- the ones that you sold your soul to see again. You would never regret it. Dean watched your chin tremble, confirming his fears. “Baby…” You could see his heart break. “What did you do?”

-

Continue to 72 Hours

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto;

Supernatural: @desimarie12; @deandreamernp; @vicmc624​; @halesandy​

[makeste]

Are there any headcanons that you would like to share? About anything you want.

anon in the absence of specific guidelines I have managed to make this post pretty much entirely about Bakugou. I apologize if you really wanted to know all of my headcanons about Kouda or something lol. but all joking aside he really is the character I think about the most and so probably like 80% of my headcanons are about him, including close to 100% of the headcanons I actually have a solid enough grip on to put into words. anyway here goes.

he does not know how to tie a tie. he was a rowdy little free range knee-scraping grass-staining run-don’t-walk child whose parents only ever managed to wrestle him into formal attire a handful of times for special occasions when he was younger, and then he went to a middle school that used gakuran-style uniforms so he never learned then, either. his dad offered to teach him when U.A. rolled around, but he was all, “fuck off dad, I know how to tie a stupid tie,” because by that time he had grown into a cocky little brat confident in his own skill and naive as to the reality checks of the world, and he genuinely believed with the conviction that only a fifteen-year-old can muster that when the time came he would just magically know how to do it. on the first day of school he got as far as draping the loose tie over his neck and holding one end in each hand before staring at the mirror and abruptly realizing the hole he’d dug himself into. and so rather than admit defeat, he just straight up decided not to wear it. which became a permanent life choice once he got to school and saw how badly Deku’s tie was tied and realized there was no way he could ever risk that kind of humiliation.

in a similar vein, I know there’s a popular fanon that because of his parents’ influence Katsuki has a good sense of fashion, but my own personal headcanon is that this could not be further from the truth lol. it’s not that he has a terrible sense of style, mind you; it’s just that he doesn’t care about it at all. he’s a nerdy jock who spends all his free time studying and lifting weights. this kid literally only wears one color, and that color just so happens to be the easiest possible color to coordinate. he owns like three pairs of shoes max. he wears his pants three sizes up and they drag so much that the hems are all frayed from him constantly stepping on them (literally canon, and one of my favorite details from chapter 218). he just doesn’t give a fuck, so long as the clothes are comfortable and don’t look stupid. he has about a million things he’s more concerned about than what he or anyone else is wearing. in fact I’m 90% sure that his mom still buys most of his clothes, and about 70% convinced he does not even know what size he is.

he’s good at household chores (because he’s good at everything), but hates doing them. aside from cooking, which he enjoys, he will bitch and whine nonstop if forced to do tedious-yet-necessary things like washing dishes and folding laundry. that said, he is a perfectionist, and he also has a lot of experience because his mom made him do chores all the time during the seven trillion times he was grounded while growing up (that’s his estimate, btw, so it may be slightly exaggerated. he was not an easy kid to raise. when your kid’s fuse is about a millimeter long and he has a tendency to literally blow up whenever he throws a fit, you end up with a lot of objects in your house that have been replaced at some point), so if you do actually manage to get him to do the chore, rest assured that chore is getting fucking DONE.

when he was very little he watched an Avengers Endgame-style All Might film where a bunch of bad guys attacked earth and various assorted heroes tried and failed to stop them. then at the climax of the film, All Might showed up and said “I am here”, and everyone got super pumped up and excited because they knew the heroes were going to win with All Might on their side. this scene remains Katsuki’s favorite scene in anything. not the fight -- just the moment where All Might shows up and grins and the audience knows right there and then that he’s going to win. this is the feeling that inspired his dream. he wants to be the one who shows up and everyone is like, “we’re good now; Katsuki is here.”

when he was six or seven he got into a big fight with an older boy over that scene because he said it was fake and that there was no way All Might could have beaten those guys in real life. Katsuki insisted he definitely would have because All Might never loses. the other boy replied that everyone loses sometimes. Katsuki kicked his ass and got suspended for a week.

ten years later, Katsuki watched All Might battle All for One at Kamino and realized two things. one, that the other boy was right and that anyone can lose. and two, that he, the one who had so proudly defended All Might back then, was going to end up being the reason why he finally lost.

for a long time afterwards, he couldn’t bring himself to watch that movie again.

when he and Izuku were three years old their moms sent them out on a first errand (google Hajimete no Otsukai if you’re unfamiliar with this tradition, I promise you it is the cutest fucking thing you’ll ever see) to buy ingredients for katsudon. Izuku was full of bouncy childish enthusiasm and could rattle off the full shopping list of ingredients front to back, but when the moment finally came his confidence wilted as soon as their parents were out of sight. Katsuki also had a moment of panic when they first rounded the corner and he couldn’t see his house anymore, but rallied once Izuku burst into tears and he realized that he had to be the one to take charge. he proceeded to morph into an absurdly over-the-top caricature of his own mother for the duration of the errand, to the point where in addition to telling Izuku to stop crying he also ordered him to stand up straight and tuck in his shirt. the two of them went on to complete the errand flawlessly and their moms were PROUD AS FUCK and took a billion pictures. Izuku and Katsuki have only a few scattered memories of this milestone in the present day but it’s enough to send both of them absolutely reeling with embarrassment whenever they’re reminded of it.

he and his mom don’t often get along but sometimes they’ll bond over roasting a mutual target. they have watched many a trashy reality TV show together for this purpose. Masaru lives for these moments but never comments on them lest he spoil the rare moments of peace.

Katsuki is perfectly capable of using keigo (i.e. normal polite Japanese with no rude language/cursing), otherwise he would not be one of the top students in his ivy-league high school. code-switching is a thing guys! anyways his teachers are aware of this, because all of his essays and homework assignments are written normally. he merely chooses to go about his daily business acting like a wannabe yakuza stereotype because that’s just his personality, and he’s not about to start censoring himself and acting like some weird little goody two shoes robot person just to please people he mostly doesn’t give two shits about. but if you put a gun to his head and told him you’d pull the trigger if he said “fuck”, he would probably be all right; he’d just have to concentrate.

when he was little he went through a phase of collecting cicada shells and leaving them EVERYWHERE -- in the bathroom sink, on his mom’s pillow, you name it. Mitsuki often tells people this is when she started getting gray hairs. one time she opened a box of cereal and there was one in there and a little bit of her soul died that day.

he generally doesn’t care who calls him Kacchan. it doesn’t particularly bother him and it never occurred to him to pretend like it did just for appearance’s sake. also secretly for some reason the thought of Deku ever calling him anything else really bothers him. he’s not sure what it would mean if that ever happened, or what he would do.

all of his workouts are designed to strengthen his arms and back and shoulders because those are the parts of his body that take the most abuse from his quirk. other than that he avoids building up excess muscle anywhere else because the more weight he puts on the harder it is to fly around. for this reason he is never going to end up being a big bulky guy like All Might. one day Deku is going to surpass him in muscle, but he doesn’t care because he’ll still be a match for him in firepower and speed.

he’s one of those kids who will not so much as take a sip of alcohol until he’s twenty-five. partly because he’s experienced enough concussions that he doesn’t particularly want to give hangovers a try, and partly because he’s a control freak and honestly afraid of getting drunk and making an idiot of himself somehow. the rowdier members of class A try virtually every trick in their wheelhouse and then some to try and persuade him over the years, but not even the reverse psychology “aw, don’t worry, it’s okay if you’re... scared :)” thing works, because that’s only actually effective when he secretly wants to do the thing.

then one day he just wakes up and is all “you know what, I’m gonna try it”, and for the next few days his google history is basically just “how many drinks does it take to get drunk” and “how to avoid getting drunk” and “how to prevent hangovers.” somehow word gets out through the grapevine (he probably told Todoroki, who is the one person in class A you’d think wouldn’t be a big ol’ gossip but in fact IS) that Bakugou is finally going to get his drink on that weekend, and pretty much EVERYONE shows up at the izakaya that Friday night excited as FUCK.

Katsuki proceeds to drink a grand total of two beers over the span of several hours, and drinks like five glasses of water in between, and literally nothing happens to him at all except that Kaminari almost fights him out of frustration. the rest of class A never fully gets over their disappointment.

he actually knows like 90% of class 1-A’s names by this point. there are still a few people he doesn’t and will never know, though. twenty years from now Aoyama will still be “that weird fucking french kid” in his mind.

he had no idea who Eri was until the Christmas party. sometimes he’d hear the other kids talking about someone named Eri, and from context clues he somehow ended up thinking it was one of Aizawa’s cats. when Eri came to the party he had a brief moment of curiosity wondering if she was Sensei’s niece or something, and then he heard someone say her name and he was all “THAT’S ERI?!” and his entire worldview was briefly shaken up.

he pulled Kirishima aside to ask him and Kirishima basically gave him Eri’s whole entire life story which was way more than he actually wanted to know. he’s now kind of terrified of ever being in the same room as her for fear of having to interact with her because he’s pretty sure he’d do or say the wrong thing. most of the time being intimidating is something he strives for and puts a lot of effort into, including when he’s around kids (who are basically just smaller, sloppier adults in his mind), but he doesn’t want to be the guy who scared an abused kid, so he basically just hopes the others will have enough common sense not to ever go “oh hey you know who should totally interact with each other?? Eri and Bakugou!”

that being said, if circumstances ever arose which forced Katsuki to protect Eri, the two of them would totally bond and they would have a really sweet relationship in which Eri looked up to him just like she looks up to Deku and Mirio and the rest, and where Katsuki was constantly trying to be on his best behavior around her, like genuinely, sincerely trying, and kind of failing at it a lot but still being sweet in a gruff sort of restrained-disaster way.

...and after sitting there for a while trying to think of more I couldn’t come up with any so I guess that’s it! basically most of my headcanons are about how secretly boring Katsuki is. honestly if it weren’t for him having the vocabulary of a 52-year-old sailor whose foot was caught in a bear trap, he and Iida would probably be best friends.

[maybeimamuppet]

someone gets hurt

“Janis! Janis!” Cady calls, rushing up to her at the end of the school day.

“Babe, you good?” Janis asks worriedly as her girlfriend barrels into her.

Cady nods rapidly. “Yes! Principal Duvall just told me I’m the valedictorian!”

Janis gasps, wrapping her in a hug. “You are? Oh my god, baby! That’s great! I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Cady giggles from in her embrace. “Are you staying to paint today?”

“Yeah, you want to come?” Janis asks, plotting in her head. Cady has worked so hard this year, she deserves to be valedictorian, arbitrary as the title is. Janis should do something.

“Always,” Cady grins, leaning up for a kiss and taking her hand to lead them to the art rooms. “How is Damian?”

“He’s fine, it’s just a sprain. Texted me earlier high off his ass on painkillers though, that was funny,” Janis chuckles. “Said there was a dragon in his mashed potatoes.”

“Janis! Don’t laugh at him, you know he has a phobia of broken bones. He’s lucky it was just a sprain. Poor guy,” Cady chides.

“He fell down the stairs! I’m allowed to laugh,” Janis defends.

They’d decided to have lunch in the auditorium today, just for fun. Damian had finished eating early and showed off some complicated choreography from his college audition cuts. He’d absolutely nailed them, but during his bows and basking in the applause of his friends, had fallen down the stairs and sprained his foot. He’d fallen into a panic attack, thinking he had broken it, and was taken to the hospital almost immediately.

“He’s your best friend! I’m gonna tell him you laughed,” Cady threatens.

Janis snorts. “You little narc. Go ahead, he laughed at me when I broke my tailbone when we went roller skating.”

“Hmph. Who are you texting?”

Janis had pulled out her phone to text Regina. She loves throwing parties and giving gifts, she might have some ideas for something Janis could do to surprise Cady.

“Uh, my mom. I actually can’t stay today, uhm... Jules is... sick. I have to go help my mom take care of her,” Janis lies through her teeth.

“Oh. Okay. Do you need me to get her anything?” Cady asks, miraculously not having noticed. She struggles reading people sometimes.

“No, don’t worry about it, baby. It’s just a cold, but she gets really whiny and stuff whenever she’s sick,” Janis explains. That’s true, at least.

“Poor thing. Tell her I hope she feels better soon. I’m going to go visit Damian,” Cady says, popping up on her tippy toes to kiss her goodbye.

“Okay, baby. Tell him I said hi,” Janis responds, kissing her back. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Good luck,” Cady says back.

“Thanks,” Janis chuckles.

————-

“Hi, Dame,” Cady says sadly as she knocks on the door of his hospital room.

“Hey, Cads!” Damian says.

Cady chuckles as she comes to sit by his bed. “You sound better.”

“I got, like, hella painkillers a while ago. Went on some fun daydreams,” Damian replies. “Not high anymore though.”

“Good, I don’t know if I could handle you all hopped up,” Cady giggles. “Janis said you texted her something about a dragon in your mashed potatoes while she was in math class.”

“I did? Oh god, she’s never gonna let me live that down,” Damian sighs. “Oh well.”

“I’ll make her go easy on you,” Cady says confidently, pulling out an activity book she had made during study hall. “I made this for you. I know it’s a little childish, but I figured you might want something to do.”

“Aww! Thanks, Caddy. Ooh, connect the dots,” Damian responds as he flips through it. “What’s the matter?”

Cady turns from where she’s standing, frowning as she looks out the window. His view goes across the street, looking over a coffee shop. Janis lied? She’s in the shop, sitting with... Regina George. Hm. They’re laughing at something.

“Huh? Oh, nothing, don’t worry about it,” Cady says through grit teeth, coming back  to his side and trying to hide her seething jealousy. He doesn’t need that right now. “So, how long are you stuck in here?”

“I get out tonight, once they’re totally sure I’m not reacting to anything they’ve given me,” Damian replies. “I’m not going to be in school for about a week, though. I’m not supposed to walk even with crutches until then.”

“You poor thing,” Cady responds as she rolls her shoulders to get rid of the tension.  “I’ll visit you as much as I can, but I just got a huge English project that’s gonna take me a while.”

Damian pats her hand comfortingly. “I get it, Cads, don’t worry about it. I have this cool book to work on.”

Cady chuckles. “I’ll send other people to come keep you company on the days I can’t. And you have Pippa in the meantime.”

Damian laughs outright at that. His french bulldog doesn’t make a great caregiver. “Thanks, little slice.”

“Anytime.”

—————

“So how was Julie?” Cady asks during her daily morning meet-up with Janis on Monday. She wants to hear what Janis has to say, now that she knows she lied.

Janis doesn’t even look up from her phone, tapping away texts to... someone. Probably Regina. “Hm? Oh, she was fine, thanks. Just needed a rest. How was Damian?”

“He was fine,” Cady huffs. Janis had lied again. Janis hums noncommittally. “He went on a quest to fight dragons with a fairy princess and took me. I was an elf. You should really come next time. He’s a wizard, you know. I’m surprised you didn’t notice before. The doctor even had an enchanted sword.”

“Good for him,” Janis replies, having taken in nothing. The bell rings then, making them both jump. “Oh shit. Have a good day, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Cady responds, blinking in surprise at the quick kiss pressed to her lips before Janis runs to class. What the hell is going on with her?

-

Janis continues acting oddly into the next day. She’s not at lunch on Tuesday, and neither is Regina. Cady plops her tray of meatloaf on the table and sits down with a huff, startling Gretchen and Karen.

“You okay, Cady?” Gretchen asks worriedly. “You look tense.”

Cady stabs her meatloaf so hard that a few of the tines snap off her plastic fork. “Peachy. Has Regina told you guys anything? About what she’s been up to lately? Janis has been acting so weird, and I think Regina is part of it.”

“Um, no,” Karen lies. Regina had told them the plan to surprise Cady, so they actually knew everything. They had been sworn to secrecy.

“Yeah, we don’t know anything,” Gretchen piggybacks. “How has Janis been acting weird?”

“She... she lied to me,” Cady answers, realizing this may be more serious than she had originally thought. “I got chosen as valedictorian, I thought maybe we could go have dinner or something to celebrate after we visited Damian, but she said her sister was sick. But she wasn’t, Janis was in the coffee shop with Regina.”

“With Regina? Are you sure?” Karen responds. “Regina was with us Friday. And they still, like, totally aren’t friends. X emoji.”

“It was definitely Janis, at least,” Cady says sadly. “I guess it might not have been Regina. But how many other platinum blondes that wear full designer outfits would Janis know? Maybe it was before you guys hung out.”

“That is totally strange,” Gretchen responds, anxious about lying. She tries to change the subject quickly. “Has Janis done anything else weird?”

Cady takes the bait. “She wouldn’t stop texting yesterday, or this morning. I don’t know who she was talking to, but she didn’t even listen to me. I made up some story about Damian and I fighting dragons and she just said ‘good for him’.”

“Dragons? That’s so fetch,” Karen responds. “I want to meet a dragon. It’s one of my life goals, sunrise emoji.”

“Karen, sweetie, no. She said she made it up, remember? Dragons aren’t real,” Gretchen says quietly, squeezing her hand.

“That’s not fetch,” Karen huffs, going quiet.

“I know, sweetie. Anyway, I wouldn’t worry too much, Cady,” Gretchen says as she tries to comfort her girlfriend. “Janis is, like, head over heels for you. It’ll work out.”

“It better,” Cady grumbles. “Oh, hey, can you guys pop in to see Damian after school? Just for a little while, make sure he’s okay? I told him I’d have people drop by on days I couldn’t go see him.”

“Why can’t you go?” Gretchen asks, genuinely curious.

“I got this English project Friday, I have to work on it. I’m supposed to pick a career I want in the future and make a presentation about it, and it has to be five minutes long! I don’t even know what I want to do for a job,” Cady sighs.

“You can do it, Cady, you’re super smart,” Karen pipes up again. “Notebook emoji. But, like, shrug emoji, would Damian even want to see us?”

“Why wouldn’t he want to see you? He really likes you guys now. You’re not mean to him or Janis anymore, he doesn’t have anything against you guys anymore,” Cady says sadly. “You guys don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but he’d love to see you. You’re his friends.”

Of course we’ll go, we don’t have anything going on,” Gretchen responds. They need to fill him in on the plan, anyway.

“Oh, thank you,” Cady breathes with relief. “I owe you one.”

“It’s fine, Cady. Good luck with your project,” Gretchen says.

“Ugh,” Cady grumbles at the reminder, slamming her head into the table.

————-

By Wednesday afternoon, Cady is at her wits end. She hasn’t slept in two days researching for her project, and Janis still won’t pay attention to her. She’d gotten confirmation that it had been Regina with Janis at the coffee shop, so Gretchen and Karen had also lied to her face.

She heads to the art rooms after school to watch Janis paint, needing a break from her own thoughts. Even if she is a bit angry with Janis. Maybe this will patch things up.

Cady loves watching Janis paint. She loves the cute way her brow furrows and her tongue pokes out to the side whenever she tries to focus, the way every stroke of the brush seems to have a purpose. Janis can create gorgeous scenes just from her mind, as if the brush in her hand is simply an extension of her imagination. Cady loves watching a few simple sketches or swipes of her paintbrush turn to incredible works of art.

Cady’s tried to paint with her a few times, only succeeding in creating a blotchy mess of colors and a few vague shapes, but Janis always cheered her on and pointed out the things she had done well. Cady decided she likes watching Janis paint more than doing it herself, but they have painting mini-dates from time to time that they both enjoy immensely.

She opens the door quietly when she finally reaches the classroom, in hopes of surprising her girlfriend. She winds up getting the surprise herself, finding none other than Regina talking to Janis. Again. Regina is sitting haughtily on the counter, facing Cady but not looking at her. There’s a strangely excited glint in her eyes. Janis is leaning against a desk facing Regina, so her back is to Cady.

They’re awfully close together, Cady thinks as her face falls and her chest burns with envy. She thanks her lucky stars they haven’t spotted her yet, allowing her to eavesdrop for a second. She tries desperately to tamp down the voice growling ‘get away from my girlfriend’  in her head. There has to be some explanation.

Cady can’t quite pick up most of their conversation, but she does hear Regina say, “Cady’s not going to find out, Janis,” and lean closer.

That’s all she needs to hear. She feels herself let out a harsh sob, turning on her heel and running from the room. Janis whirls around just before the door slams shut behind her. “Caddy! Shit,” she calls as  she breaks into a sprint after her. “Baby, please wait, let me explain!”

“What the fuck is there to explain, Janis?!” Cady yells at her, walking backwards for a second. “Just leave me alone. Go to her, I hope she makes you happy.” And with that, she turns and continues running.

“Baby, please,” Janis begs, reaching for her. Cady doesn’t turn back around.

-

Cady winds up running the whole mile back to her house without noticing, ignoring the worried calls of her parents as she barrels up the stairs to her bedroom, throwing her backpack off and burrowing under her covers. Her chest is starting to hurt with how hard she’s sobbing. Maybe she’s feeling her heart breaking.

How could I be so stupid with love again? Of course Janis would pick Regina over me. Regina has every American standard of beauty down pat, and a good personality now. What do I have?

She hears her phone pinging frantically, looking to see texts flooding in from Janis and Regina, both begging her to let Janis explain. She flips it to silent after sending her parents a text, letting them know to turn Janis away should she turn up at any point.

How could they do this to me? I understand why Janis chose her, but how could she be so cruel? Regina is supposed to be nicer now, how could she do this? It’s fucking Aaron all over again. I caught feelings for Janis and she snatched her away. And Janis... did she ever love me? How could she do this?

She rolls onto her side and soaks her pillow in tears, deciding she gets the decision to swear off of dating now.

-

Janis loses Cady as she reaches the main doors, panting with exertion. She turns to head back to the classroom to grab her bag.

“Janis, I’m so sorry, I had no idea she was there or I wouldn’t have phrased it like that,” Regina bursts out as soon as she enters, looking near tears.

“Reg, it... it’ll be fine. It has to be. I’ll go find her and try to explain again, I guess. Better to ruin the surprise than have her think I’m cheating on her,” Janis says in response, slinging her backpack over her shoulder and moving quickly back towards the door.

Regina sighs heavily. “Okay, good luck. I’ll text her too. God, she looked so... broken.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Reggie. Later,” Janis calls over her shoulder, hurrying towards the entrance to the building.

She pulls her phone from her pocket as she walks to Cady’s house, figuring that must be where she’s gone.

Jellybean: caddy that wasn’t what it looked like i promise

Jellybean: are you okay??

Jellybean: please let me explain

Jellybean: caddy you know me you know i wouldn’t do that to you please

Jellybean: baby??

Cady hasn’t answered or even read any of her messages by the time Janis is knocking on the door.

“Cady says she doesn’t want to see you,” Cady’s mother says harshly, protective of her cub.

“Mrs. Heron, please, I need to explain. She didn’t see what she thought she did,” Janis begs.

Mrs. Heron sighs. “Janis, I want to believe you, but Cady has been hurt by this Regina girl before. You need to leave, give her time. I’ll tell her you came by.”

She closes the door before Janis can get another word out. Give her time, Janis thinks as she walks to Damian’s house next, seething with anger.

-

Cady’s father wakes her up just before dinner, softly stroking her hair. She must have cried herself to sleep.

“Janis came by,” he says carefully. “Your mother sent her away like you asked.”

Cady immediately bursts into tears at the mention of her now ex-girlfriend. “I don’t wanna see her again. I want to switch schools.”

“Shh, binti. You’re a month away from graduation, you’re not switching schools. But you can stay home tomorrow. What happened?”

Cady cries harder. “Janis was-was talking to Regina in the art room and-and they were so close together and then Janis said something and R-Regina said that-that I wouldn’t find out about it,” she wails into his shoulder.

“Shh, ndege wangu mdogo wa wimbo. Did you hear what it was you wouldn’t find out about?” Her father hushes.

“She’s cheating on me! With Regina,” Cady sobs. “What else could it be?”

“Did you hear them say that? Or see them do anything?”

“No,” she admits shyly.

“Then you don’t know. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, you’re going to jump into your grave one of these times,” her father chides gently. “You don’t have to today, or even anytime soon, but you should hear Janis out at some point, let her explain.”

“Fine,” Cady sniffs. “But what is she hiding? Janis tells me everything.”

“That I don’t know, binti. You take some time to think. I’ll bring up your dinner.” And with a forehead kiss, her father leaves her alone.

-

“Whoa whoa whoa, what?” Damian asks hastily, interrupting Janis. “Start again and slow down.”

“Caddy found me talking to Regina and now she thinks I’m cheating. She said she didn’t want to see me and won’t even read my texts,” she growls.

“Wow. That’s... out of character for her,” Damian says in shock.

“I know! I don’t know what to do, she won’t let me explain anything,” Janis huffs, terrified she might lose her girlfriend over something so stupid. “And now I’m wondering what the hell she really thinks of me. If she can’t trust me enough to know I would never cheat on her, especially with Regina fucking George, then should we even be together?”

“That’s a fair point, I guess,” Damian admits. “But that really doesn’t sound like Caddy. Something else has to be going on.”

Janis sighs, trying to get herself back under control. She can’t even figure out why she’s so angry. “Can you talk to her?”

Damian looks meaningfully at his wounded foot, but eventually can’t resist the urge to help his platonic soulmate. “I can try, I guess. Maybe convince her to hear you out. But I can’t explain what happened or get her to forgive you. You have to do that.”

“Fine,” Janis huffs. “Just make sure she’s okay.”

“She will be, Jan, don’t worry. I’ll text her, see if she can come over tomorrow,” Damian comforts.

“Thanks, D.”

————-

Cady warily checks her phone when she wakes up the next morning, surprised when she sees her most recent text is from Damian.

Big Slice: Do you wanna come hang out with me after school today?? Pippa is not performing her caregiver duties well enough

She sighs. It’s almost definitely a trap, Damian is Janis’ best friend. That thought gives her pause. If she and Janis break up for good, will she lose her friendship with Damian? And since Regina is involved, will Gretchen and Karen stop being her friends, too? If she doesn’t go talk to Damian, she might go back to being totally alone for the third time in two years.

Little Slice: Yeah, I’ll come. I’ll be over around noon. My parents made me take a mental health day.

Big Slice: 📷

Little Slice: Wait, Janis won’t be there, will she?

Big Slice: Nope just us :) She went to school and has to babysit Juju after

Little Slice: Good.

Cady hauls herself out of bed with a great deal of effort, surprised to see it’s already eleven. She trudges down the stairs still in her pajamas for breakfast, staring out the window at absolutely nothing as she munches on her cereal.

Climbing back up the stairs feels like she’s climbing Kilimanjaro again, but she manages and resists the urge to flop back into bed. She doesn’t even have the energy to brush her hair, tying it up into a knot and spraying a little extra perfume on in place of a shower.

She grabs her phone after she tugs on a sweatshirt and some leggings, texting her dad to tell him she’s going to see Damian.

Cady perks up a little on her walk over, the sun giving her some energy. She has a spare key, so lets herself into Damian’s house and heads to his bedroom.

“Hey, Cads, how are you?” Damian asks when he turns to look at her. Janis clearly told him everything, but he’s pretending not to know.

“Fine,” Cady whispers. She can feel tears burning in her eyes and knows if she tries to speak she’ll start crying. Damian doesn’t need her problems on top of his own and Janis’.

“No, you’re not,” Damian says, reaching for her. “Come tell me your troubles.”

“You have your own problems, you don’t need to hear mine,” Cady mumbles.

“Bitch, please, I live for drama. I’ve been holed up here for almost a week, give me something to do,” Damian begs.

Cady gives in to the cuddling urge, sliding in beside him and resting her head on his shoulder. She heaves a sigh to try and keep the tears at bay, to no avail.

“Did Janis tell you?” She says, choking out a sob immediately after.

Damian sits up to hold her better. “Yes, but I want to hear your side of things too.”

Cady sobs harder. “She was-was talking to-to-to Regina in the art room, and R-Regina looked... excited about something and then Janis said something to h-her and Regina said that-that I wouldn’t find out about it.”

“So what do you think they meant by that?” Damian hums sadly, rubbing her back.

“Are they t-together? Is she cheat-cheating on me?” Cady whimpers.

“Let’s work through this together, hm? You remember how Janis acted when she had a crush on you, yeah?” Damian asks, continuing when she nods. “Disaster lesbian. Has she been acting like that around Regina?”

“No,” Cady sniffles. “But-but she could be meeting her when I don’t know about it, and hiding it when-when I’m around.”

“That’s another thing. Has Janis been lying to you about where she is, or acting suspicious?” Damian asks comfortingly.

Cady is about to say no before she remembers Friday. “Yeah,” she wails. “On-on Friday, she said Juliana was sick... b-but when I was at the ho-hospital with you she w-went to that coffee sh-shop with Regina.”

“Okay, so we have one suspicious thing, I’ll admit that is weird,” Damian says, scolding Janis internally. “Has she done anything else?”

Cady sniffles as she pauses to think. “She won’t l-listen to me any-anymore. She spent all day Monday and Tuesday t-tex-texting somebody and didn’t hear anything I said, and then-then she missed lunch. She did-did yesterday, t-too.”

“That’s some bullshit,” Damian calls. “She shouldn’t be doing that, I’ll talk to her about that. Okay, so a few things. Back to our checklist. Has Janis stopped saying things like ‘I love you’ or giving you kisses and cuddles and stuff?”

“No,” Cady sobs. She misses that, so much. And it’s only been a day. “She hasn’t.”

“Has Janis ever willingly wanted to spend a long amount of time with Regina? In the entire time you’ve known them? Even now that Reggie is a decent human?” Damian asks, looking at her meaningfully.

“No,” Cady admits. “Not unless one of us is around.”

“So does it make sense for them to be together?”

“No,” she sniffles. “But what if she’s with somebody else?”

“Who would she be with?” He asks.

Cady stops to think. The only other lesbian Janis knows well is Sonja Acquino, and she had gotten a girlfriend over winter break. Girls at school still tended to avoid Janis. Unless she met someone outside of school, there’s nobody she could possibly be with. Cady spends most of her time outside of school with Janis, and Janis would’ve told her if she had met a fellow gay.

Cady processes this realization and bursts into sobs anew. “God, I’m so stupid. Is Janis mad at me?”

“No, little slice, no. Janis has been acting weird, you had every right to be suspicious. Janis isn’t mad, either. She’s frustrated that you won’t talk to her, and she’s upset that you think she would do something like that. But I think once you both take a couple days to process and regroup, you should hear her out and make her hear you out, and then you’ll be fine. You two are so fucking grossly in love, you’re gonna make it through this.”

“Thank you,” Cady sniffs. “For listening. I would’ve understood if you took her side. You’re such a good friend.”

“Thanks, Cads,” Damian chuckles. “I try. But really, I’m friends with both of you; I’m talking to you because I want to. You both have shit happening that you’re not telling the other one about; once you clear the air there won’t even be sides to this. And besides, you’re Pippa’s favorite auntie. We can’t let you get away.”

Cady gives a watery chuckle at that, wiping the tears from under her eyes. “God, I’m such a mess.”

“Bitch, you’re fine. Until, like, five minutes ago you thought you had your second major heartbreak in two years,” Damian chastises gently. “We have ice cream in the freezer, can you go get it for us please?”

“Yes,” Cady says, kissing his cheek and grabbing a tissue from the box on his dresser. “I’ll be right back.”

She hears the clacking of small claws following her down the hallway to the kitchen, turning to see the sweet little squished face of Damian’s french bulldog.

“Hi Pip,” she says in her baby voice. “How are you, puppies?” Pippa wiggles excitedly when Cady picks her up, scrambling to lick the tear tracks from her cheeks. “Oh, thank you. Have you been taking good care of Damian?”

She bursts out laughing when Damian calls “No!” from his room, apparently having overheard their conversation.

“Well that can’t be right, your little face could heal any injury,” Cady says as she sets the dog down. She opens the freezer, grabbing two pints of ice cream and some spoons from the drawer before heading back to Damian.

“Pippa would be a terrible nurse,” Damian says when she comes back. “She keeps tripping me every time I try to go to the bathroom.”

Cady giggles. “She’s doing her best, be nice. Here’s your ice cream.”

“Thank youuuuu,” Damian sings. “Now, what should we watch to get your mind off of things?”

Cady crawls back into bed next to him, helping Pippa up as she stands on her hind legs to see what they’re doing. “Have you found any new bootlegs?”

“Ooh, yeah, actually. I’ve had a lot of time to look,” Damian answers, grabbing his laptop from his nightstand and a flash drive from the drawer. “I found a really good quality one of The Lion King, do you want to watch that?”

Cady’s eyes go wide as she opens her ice cream and she nods excitedly. “I’ve just been watching videos of this monkey who’s best friends with a duck on repeat. It kept making me cry harder because they’re so cute. Your plan sounds better.”

“You are the biggest dork I know, I love you dearly,” Damian responds, bringing up the right file. “Alright, time to see some puppet elephants and shit.”

Cady cuddles into his side as the video starts, with Pippa resting protectively at their feet.

“Is Janis okay?” she asks quietly after they finish.

“Yes, she’s okay. She’ll be better after you two talk, but she’s fine,” Damian responds comfortingly. “I found one of Frozen too, do you want to watch that?”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

-

She stays over through dinner, watching musicals and playing card games with Damian to pass the time. He makes her promise to shower and clean her inevitably messy room when she gets home, and turn her phone back on.

She keeps her promises and heads to bed, feeling much more secure in her relationships than she did a few hours prior.

————-

Janis stays home from school on Friday, having woken up even angrier than she had the day before.

Her therapist in middle school had told her to find a constructive way to deal with anger, since she had a tendency to cause either severe property damage or accidental damage to herself with her impulse decisions. Damian had had to explain her way out of trouble several times.

So, Janis had taken up yarn crafts. She would knit or cross-stitch or crochet, finding the repetitive motions soothing. Plus, a lot of the tools were quite sharp, making her feel like she had weapons.

She’s aggressively working on embroidering new designs on her jacket right around the time she’s supposed to be in school, when none other than Damian comes barreling into her room, as if he’d felt a disturbance in the force and had come to make sure she’s okay.

“Phone,” he says immediately when he sees her face and choice of activity, hobbling over on his crutches and holding out a hand for it.

“Why?” Janis grumbles but shuts it off and hands it over regardless.

“So you don’t do something on it that you’ll regret later. Internet is permanent. You wanna go throw rocks in the pond?” He asks, as if she’s a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

“Can you do that? You’re not even supposed to be on crutches yet,” Janis asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You know damn well I would saw my legs off for you, I’m fine taking a little longer to heal. Plus, I got cleared by the doctor yesterday, so yes I am supposed to be on crutches yet,” he says childishly as he sticks his tongue out at her. “Are we going or not?”

“Yeah,” Janis mumbles, throwing off her covers to go get dressed.

-

Luckily, Damian’s unhurt foot is the one he needs to drive, so he can still do so safely. He lets Janis play her Angory Times playlist on the way there, which is just a lot of loud, shouty songs one right after another. Damian normally hates this kind of music, but Janis can see him actively trying to be supportive and let her continue.

Fortunately for him, the pond isn’t too far away, and Janis sees him breathe a sigh of relief when he shuts the car off and the noise stops. Damian grabs his crutches from the backseat and heads off, Janis stalking after him.

She bends to pick up rocks on her way, also grabbing the ones Damian points to. His are for skipping, small and flat and smooth. Hers are just for throwing, heavy ones that will make a good splash when they’re hurtled into the water.

Once their respective collections are amassed, they stand next to one another on the shore and go at it. Janis feels her anger chipping away as she chucks her rocks like baseballs into the murky water, delighting in the splashes echoing around them.

This is part of why she loves Damian so much. He knows exactly what to do to make her feel better in any possible scenario, and is perfectly content to do something as stupid as throw rocks into a creek with her in complete silence. On a sprained foot, no less.

“Nice,” she pants when Damian gets six skips in a row with one of his.

“Thanks,” Damian huffs back. “How many fish d’you think we’ve concussed so far?”

Janis laughs at that, hurtling her last rock as hard as she can. It hurts her shoulder a little, but lands almost halfway across the pond. “I don’t think fish can live in this water, honestly.”

“You’re probably right. Feeling better?” Damian asks, skipping his last stone. Four skips isn’t bad.

“Yeah. Can we get coffee?” Janis asks, trying to catch her breath.

“Yeah. Come on.”

-

Once Janis has her iced coffee and Damian has his latte, they find a bench to sit on and just watch the world go by for a while.

“So, are you ready to talk about why I had to take you to go chuck rocks into the pond?” Damian asks gently.

Janis sighs. “I just... I want to know what she’s thinking. I thought she trusted me, that we trusted each other. If she can’t believe that I wouldn’t do that to the point of completely cutting me off at the first slightly suspicious thing, then do we even... have a relationship?”

Damian doesn’t say anything, just takes her hand and squeezes it to encourage her to continue.

“Like... what else is going on with her? What is she not telling me? I just-I just don’t know what she needs. I’ve never felt so disconnected from her before. I’m-I’m scared.” Janis murmurs.

Damian hums sadly. “Can I tell you something?”

“Yeah,” Janis mumbles.

“I really don’t think this is happening because Cady doesn’t trust you. I think it’s happening because she doesn’t trust herself.” Damian responds. “She was a wreck when she came over yesterday, she had obviously been crying and hadn’t showered, things like that. Her hair wasn’t even brushed. When Aaron got back with Regina she got hot and did our whole revenge party thing.”

Janis takes her turn to listen, letting him continue.

“Cady grew up with lions and shit. If she thought you were cheating on her she should’ve been angry, not sad. Just based on who she is as a person. There’s something more happening.”

Janis thinks on what he’s said for a second. “Doesn’t trust herself? What do you mean? Doesn’t trust herself not to cheat on me?”

“No, no,” Damian says hastily. He pauses, trying to figure out how to word his point. “I don’t think Cady thinks she deserves you. She doesn’t trust herself to be what you want or need.”

“Am I that bad of a girlfriend? How could she think that? Why wouldn’t she tell me she was feeling like that?” Janis asks, trying to hold back the tears burning her eyes.

“Because you might have told her she was right. You and I know you would never do that, and I think she knows that too. But her anxiety about it overrode her rationality for a while. Cady has a lot going on. And no, you’re not a terrible girlfriend. You’re a pretty good one, actually. This is your first argument, it’s understandable,” Damian comforts.

“I just... I don’t want to lose her. And this is so stupid, why can’t I just-just stop being so angry?” Janis grits out.

“I think it’s fair for you to be angry, honestly. Cady didn’t mean for it to be, but this is kind of an attack on your character. She accused you of cheating,” Damian replies, wrapping and arm around her shoulders.

“I guess. Feels shitty,” Janis mumbles, leaning to rest her head on his shoulder.

“It’s meant to. But try to think of how she’s feeling, too,” Damian says as he rests his cheek on her head. “I had to explain to her why it didn’t make sense for you to cheat, and when it finally sank in the first thing she asked was if you were angry at her. For even thinking you would do that.”

That finally gets the tears from Janis, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes as she feels any lingering anger directed at Cady fade into nothing. “God, Caddy. What do I do, Damian?”

“For now, finish your coffee. She invited you to explain tomorrow, yeah?” Damian asks. Janis nods. “Okay, so tomorrow go over and... do something. I know you didn’t technically do anything wrong, but maybe apologize for... how she took it, I guess? You were acting kind of shady. Make sure she knows you would never cheat, tell her she can trust you, stuff like that. Just take everything one step at a time.”

“Okay,” Janis sniffles. “Is-was she okay?”

“Not at first, I’ll be honest,” Damian replies. “She said she had been watching videos of this monkey and duck who are best friends to try to cheer herself up, and I had to watch two bootlegs with her to even see her smile. But once we had a chat and stuff she seemed a lot more secure. Confident. She’ll probably apologize before you even get a chance.”

Janis gives a watery chuckle at the mention of the inter-species friendship videos. “That’s my girl. Thanks for checking on her.”

“Caddy said the same things. She wanted to know if you were okay, said thanks for even thinking about her.”

“I miss her so much,” Janis sniffs.

Damian takes her hand again. “And that’s how I know this is going to work out. You’re both upset with each other, and yet all both of you can think about is making up so you can be together again.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so. Y’all are the most disgustingly loving couple I know, you both look at the other like they hung the stars. You two are going to be fine.”

“Okay. I love you,” Janis responds, wiping her tears with her sleeve.

“I love you too. You wanna go play with the birds at the pet store?” Damian asks, hauling himself back onto his crutches.

“You know me too well,” Janis replies with a small grin, following him back to his car.

————-

On Saturday, Cady tells Janis she can come over to finally have a talk. Janis decides to come in through the window for dramatic effect, nearly falling out of the tree she has to climb to do so until Cady hauls her in safely.

“What the hell, Janis? It’s pouring with rain, why didn’t you come in through the door? You could’ve broken your neck,” Cady insists like a worried mother, leaving to fetch her a towel. It’s strange, not immediately pulling her in for a kiss or hug. She doesn’t like it.

“I didn’t, though, and that’s the key,” Janis says, rubbing the towel over her hair quickly. Once that’s done she gestures for Cady to sit on her bed, sitting across from her criss-cross applesauce. She takes a breath to prepare herself, but Cady speaks before she can.

“Janis, I’m so sorry. I don’t-I don’t know what I was thinking, I should’ve known you’d never do that, especially with Regina. I hadn’t slept in two days, I was so irrational,” she bursts out rapidly.

“Hey, Caddy, shh. I’m supposed to be apologizing to you. I understand how that whole thing with Regina might have looked to you, so I’m sorry for that, first of all,” Janis says. “I’m sorry I ever made you think I would do that to you. I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you. I’m sorry I ever made you feel like you’re not enough for me. I love you. I need you to know I would never even think about cheating. It’s important we trust each other with stuff like that, from now on.”

Cady nods. “I do, I know you would never do that. I trust you, it’s just... Jesus, I don’t even know,” She sighs, burying her face in her hands.

“Cads, hey. Can I touch you?” Janis asks gently, taking her hands when Cady gives a nod and squeezing them. She hates this, it feels like they’re back at square one of their relationship. Maybe they are. “What’s going on?”

“I know Regina has worked on herself, a lot, and I hate feeling like this. But she took Aaron away right when she found out I liked him. What would’ve stopped her from doing it with you?”

“Me,” Janis insists. “I would have stopped it.”

“But what if she’s better for you?!” Cady asks pleadingly. “Regina could take care of you. She’s pretty, and nice now. She’s rich, and smart, and she can do art and stuff too. What- what do I have? I’m just some homeschooled weirdo from Kenya who doesn’t understand people and won’t shut up about math. I-I’m autistic, that’s gonna be hard to deal with sometimes, and in terms of looks I’m not anything special. I want you to have someone who makes you happy. You deserve someone like her. Someone.... someone better.”

“I don’t give a hot, crispy, Kentucky fried fuck what you think I deserve. I know what I want, and I want you. I want my Caddy, my Peanut, my Butterfly,” Janis says passionately, cupping her cheeks and looking into her eyes. “I want your pretty blue eyes and your red hair that smells like cherries and your freckles I can find constellations in. I want my math nerd who does calculus for fun and who can’t do art to save her life but tries anyway because she knows it’ll make me smile. I want my animal lover who makes friends with the squirrels in the woods and didn’t notice a deer followed her on her walk to my house, my girl who can tell me facts I never needed to know about lions and fun stories about Africa. You make me happy. I want you, baby. Nobody else.”

Cady throws herself at Janis, knocking her backwards onto the bed and locking their lips together. Janis kisses her back just as hard, gripping her waist so hard Cady can feel bruises forming. She doesn’t care. She’s flooded with relief at the familiar waxy texture of Janis’ lipstick, the comforting smell of vanilla from her soft skin and the safe feeling of being held in her arms. She pulls back for a split second to breathe before diving back in, gasping as Janis nips her lip and twines their tongues together.

When they finally pull back, Janis just cups Cady’s face to look at her, lips swollen and two-toned hair wild around her. “I’m so sorry,” Cady says, pulling back to sit again and burying herself in Janis’ shoulder when she follows. “I hated fighting, I love you, I’m sorry.”

“The only thing you have to be sorry for is not telling me you were feeling that way. This is only gonna work if we both feel okay about ourselves, and tell each other when we don’t. I’m sorry for not talking with you about this kind of thing sooner. This whole relationship needs to be based on trust and talking to each other, okay?”

Cady nods. “Okay. We both take care of each other?”

“Exactly, my girl,” Janis confirms, grinning as Cady kisses her cheeks. “But ourselves, too.”

“Have you ever felt like this? With me?” Cady asks gently.

“Of course. I wonder every day what I did to deserve you. I was so jealous the whole time you were with Aaron, and I thought you were way out of my league for a long time,” Janis responds, chuckling when Cady pulls back to look at her incredulously. “You’re so beautiful, and so smart. You were queen of the school for a good while, I thought you would at least want someone as smart as you, if not as nice and pretty. When we first got together I spent a lot of time wondering why you didn’t pick Kevin or even Regina over me.”

“Then I’m sorry too. You’re what I want, I love you. I love the way you always smell like paint, I love the one little chunk of hair that always slips into your face,” Cady says, brushing it behind Janis’ ear. “I love the way you’re so tough and strong and yet you cry over the snake food at the pet store and try to steal the dwarf hamsters every time we go. I love how you never let my feet touch the ground when we’re together, and how you seem so cold but give the warmest hugs and softest kisses. I love how you’re the only person who regularly asks for stories about Kenya and never tells me to be quiet, and how you let me ramble about math and at least pretend to be interested even though you don’t understand what I’m on about. I love that you let me call you stupid little nicknames even though it ‘goes against your image’. I love that you’re so passionate about everything, that you care so much about what’s important to you and aren’t afraid to let people know it. I. Love. You. So much. Promise me you’ll tell me if you feel that way again.”

“I promise, baby. I love you too,” Janis responds with tears in her eyes. Cady clings to her tightly, happy they seem to be okay again. They sit like that for a short while, content to be holding each other again.

“Janis?” Cady asks quietly after a moment.

“Yes, Princess?” Janis responds, opening her eyes again.

“What have you been talking with Regina about?”

Janis chuckles, kissing her cheek. “I’ve been trying to come up with something to surprise you with, to celebrate you being valedictorian. Reggie likes party planning and stuff, I thought she might have some ideas.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Oh my god, I’m so stupid,” Cady chuckles. Janis flicks her gently.

“Hey, no you’re not. You’re the valedictorian, for fucks sake. And I did not go about any of this correctly.”

“I didn’t either, I don’t blame you. But you don’t have to get me anything, Jayjay,” Cady mumbles sheepishly as she nuzzles back into Janis.

“I know I don’t have to, I want to,” Janis replies. “You’ve worked so hard, you deserve something.”

“What have you guys come up with?” Cady asks.

“Regina wants to throw you some kind of party, but that’s all we’ve gotten so far. I’m trying to talk her out of some sort of rager,” Janis answers.

“Oh, that sounds fun. But yeah, I don’t want anything big or crazy,” Cady says.

“What do you want? Since it’s not a surprise anymore. Might as well get your input,” Janis says in response.

Cady thinks for a while. “I dunno. Something with food. Maybe outside if it’s a nice day. I trust your judgement.”

“A dangerous choice,” Janis chuckles.

“I know,” Cady giggles. “But really. As long as it’s not anything crazy or expensive I don’t mind what you choose to do.”

“Okay. I can work with that. I love you,” Janis says.

“I love you too. I missed you,” Cady says.

“I missed you too, baby,” Janis responds. “Was torture without you.”

“We really have to do something for Damian, too,” Cady hums thoughtfully. “I would’ve totally spiraled without him.”

“God, yeah, me too,” Janis says. “You think of something to get him, we’ll give it to him on the same day we do your little bash.”

“Okay,” Cady giggles. She goes quiet for a long moment before piping up again. “Janis?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you help me with my English project?”

“Yes,” Janis laughs. “Of course.”

“Thank god.”

————-

“Hey, Cady, can we talk?” Regina stops her in the hallway on her way to study hall.

“Oh god, Regina! Sorry, you scared me. Uh, yeah, are you okay with talking in the bathroom?”

Regina grimaces, but nods. Cady follows her in.

“Regina, I’m sorry, I should never have accused you of trying to steal Janis,” Cady apologizes. “You’ve worked so much on being nicer, and it really shows, I’m sorry I ever thought you would still do something like that.”

“Whoa, Cady,” Regina says. “Um, it’s... fine. I wasn’t expecting you to apologize. I wanted to apologize, I should have been more careful with how Janis and I were meeting and stuff. I don’t know if she’s talked to you yet, but she would never cheat on you, especially with me. I think she still hates me. Please forgive Janis, none of this was her fault.”

“Gina, hey,” Cady comforts. “Janis and I talked this weekend, we’re back together. Everything is okay. We’ve all learned some very valuable lessons. I forgive you.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Regina sighs. “The universe has felt out of balance since you broke up. I was wondering what you guys were going to do to me that could be worse than the Kälteen bars.”

“I’m still sorry about those,” Cady mumbles sheepishly. “Let’s just, like... talk about stuff, in the future? Stop having to have moments like this?”

“Agreed,” Regina says. “You want to hug it out, don’t you?” Cady nods. “Fine. Thirty seconds.”

“I’ll take it,” Cady says happily. “I’ll make a hugger out of you yet.”

————-

“Jayjay!” Cady calls, leaping on Janis from behind.

“Jesus fuck! Caddy! Don’t do that,” Janis yelps as she turns around.

“Hi,” Cady says, grinning up at her. “I sowwy.”

Janis glares at her. “You’re forgiven. For a kiss.”

Cady happily obliges, reaching her arms around Janis’ neck as she leans up to kiss her sweetly. “Better?”

“For now,” Janis says, pecking her gently again. “Do you want to work on your project? I’ve been freed from planning your little shindig for the day, Regina wanted to go see Damian.”

“Aww, that’s nice of her. I definitely need your help, it’s due on Friday and I only have a couple slides,” Cady says.

“Tits. You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Cady says, lacing their fingers together as Janis leads her to her truck.

-

Janis flops onto Cady’s bed when they arrive, reaching for her laptop to see what Cady has so far. She bursts out laughing when she sees the only slide Cady’s made.

“What’s so funny?” Cady asks. She’d been pretty sleep deprived by the time she actually got around to putting it together, but thought she had done a pretty good job.

“Did you proofread this at all?” Janis says in between fits of laughter.

“I hadn’t slept in two days at the time, but yes,” Cady replies, almost offended.

“Baby, this just says ‘I’m so tired. Please god let me sleep.’ over and over with a bunch of typos,” Janis says breathlessly, wiping tears of laughter from under her eyes.

“Oh. Oops,” Cady replies. Apparently she’s made less progress than she had thought.

“Next time, pace yourself. You need to sleep, Butterfly,” Janis says, reaching for her. Cady comes to sit on her lap.

“So, what career do you want to do this project on? It’s supposed to be what you want to do when you grow up, right?” Janis asks, holding her close.

“Yeah,” Cady mumbles. “But... I don’t know what I want to do.”

“Oh, baby, that’s okay. I don’t know either,” Janis comforts. “Do you have any ideas of jobs you want?”

“My parents want me to go into zoology, like them,” Cady replies. “And I’ve been... wondering if I should go into medicine. Like Rhys wanted to. Since he couldn’t himself.”

“But what do you want to do?” Janis asks. “I think it’s great that you’re considering medicine for your brother, but if it’s not what you really want then you shouldn’t force yourself into it.”

“I kind of want to teach math,” Cady mumbles shyly. “Like, to college or high school kids. Maybe get my PhD in math and stuff. I think math is fun, I want to help other people have fun with it too.”

“You would be such a good teacher, baby,” Janis comforts, kissing her cheek. “You should absolutely do that if it’s what you want. You’ll be successful enough to make your parents happy, and be doing something you’re interested in. That’s a great fit for you.”

Cady looks more than a little relieved at that, but realizes something. “I’d feel guilty though. I promised I’d become a doctor for Rhys when he died. I just... don’t really want to anymore. I don’t think I’d be very good at it.”

“Butterfly, Rhys would want you to be happy with whatever you choose to do. You already honor him every day just by existing. You’re so smart, and kind, and beautiful. I know you’re already making him proud, you don’t owe him anything else,” Janis reminds her. She never met Rhys, but from everything she’s heard about him she just made a true statement.

“Thank you, Jayjay. I guess if I did get my PhD I’d technically be a doctor,” Cady jokes. “I’ll decide later, I have a couple years.”

“That you do. Unfortunately, becoming a math teacher doesn’t make for a very interesting project, though, so maybe pick a fake career and we’ll look into that,” Janis says.

“I did actually want to be a zoologist when I was really little, we could do that,” Cady says.

“Sounds like a plan,” Janis replies as she kisses her cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Cady responds. “Can we just make out instead?”

“Tempting,” Janis says. “You get one minute of kissing for every half hour.”

“Fine.”

————-

“Hey, Cady, can you go to the mall with us after school today?” Gretchen asks, flanked by Karen.

“Yeah,” Cady responds. “Is this related at all to-“

“No!” Karen insists before she can finish.

“Karen, sweetie, she knows she’s having some kind of party. She just doesn’t know what’s happening specifically,” Gretchen says quietly.

“Oh yeah,” Karen says. “Then yes. They’re going shopping for supplies today and told us to distract you. Confetti emoji.”

“Ah,” Cady giggles. “Yeah, I can go. I’ll meet you guys by the main doors after school?”

“Caucasian thumbs up!” Karen responds, pulling Gretchen away.

“Yeah, we’ll be there!”

-

“Okay, Sarkisian, what’s this wonderful idea you’ve had?” Regina asks.

“A picnic!” Janis says excitedly. “She wants something with food and something outside. We’ll have a picnic in the park.”

“That... actually doesn’t sound terrible,” Regina says. “So what do we need?”

“A big-ass blanket,” Janis responds as they enter a party store. “And food. And Caddy loves balloons, but we should get those on the day.”

“Who’s gonna make the food, Jan?” Regina asks.

“Jules can, she loves to cook. She’s been wanting to practice stuff anyway,” Janis responds, looking at their selections of plates.

“How is she?” Regina asks quietly. She hasn’t seen Juliana since she and Janis were twelve.

“She’s good,” Janis answers. “Tall as shit, little evil genius. She’s super smart and sarcastic and stuff. She’s big into writing now, too. How’s Kylie been?”

“I... She... I’m...” Regina stutters. “She’s a good kid, but she’s turning into a little version of me. I’m trying to stop her before she gets to where I was.”

Janis hums sadly. “Well, at least you’re a better role model for her now. And you’re both getting the help you need. Kylie was the sweetest little thing last time I saw her, I don’t think she can get to your level.”

“I hope not,” Regina mumbles. “Cady likes yellow, right? We could do white and yellow, that would be cute.”

Janis gets the sense they’re done talking about their families for a reason, now. “Yeah, yellow is her favorite. We could go buy some white sheets from somewhere for cheap and then do yellow plates and shit.”

“Done. I’m buying,” Regina says, grabbing several packs of plates and napkins.

“No! She’s my girlfriend,” Janis protests. “I’m paying.”

“Jan, just let me have this.”

“Fine. ‘S your money,” Janis grumbles.

“Thank you.”

“Hmph.”

-

Cady, unfortunately, has study hall as her last class of the day in the English wing, so she has to rush to meet Gretchen and Karen by the entrance to the school.

She’s so excited to be spending time with them that she almost runs past them, managing to slow down just before she barrels into Gretchen.

“Hi, sorry,” she says breathlessly. “Who’s driving?”

“I will,” Gretchen offers. Riding with other drivers tends to make her anxious.

“I call shotgun!” Karen calls, already heading to the car. That leaves Cady in the back, which she doesn’t mind.

They put their backpacks in the trunk and hop in, Karen dancing along in her seat to the radio. Cady texts Damian on the ride there, since he had an appointment to check on his foot today. He’d been back in school starting that week, but was still stuck on crutches.

Little Slice: How was the doctor????

Big Slice: Good! I don’t have to use crutches anymore, I just have to wear a boot and go easy on it

Big Slice: No dancing for a while :(

Little Slice: Aw :((( You’ll be back to dancing soon though!!

Little Slice: And yay no more crutches!!!!!!!!!

Big Slice: Yeah now Pippa can’t trip me lmao

Big Slice: Wait aren’t you at the mall??

Little Slice: Yeah, we just got here. I just wanted to check on you 📷

Big Slice: Aw, thanks Cads

Big Slice: Go have fun I’m all good

Little Slice: Okay. Love you 🥰

Big Slice: Love you too, go eat pretzels 🥨

Little Slice: 📷🥨

She chuckles and shuts her phone off, following after her friends into the mall. “Are you guys wanting anything in particular or are we just here for fun?”

“Both!” Karen cheers. “We should totally buy you an outfit for your party. But I also want frozen yogurt.”

“Oh, I didn’t bring any money,” Cady remembers. “But you guys should have fun, I’ll just hang around.”

“No, it’s our treat. We haven’t paid anything for your party,” Gretchen says.

“You guys don’t have to do that,” Cady mumbles. She’s slightly embarrassed by all the attention she’s been getting lately.

“Money bag emoji, let us buy you stuff, Cady. We’re both pretty rich,” Karen says.

“Yeah, come on. Frozen yogurt and one outfit from, like, Forever 21 or something isn’t that expensive anyway, Cades,” Gretchen adds.

“Okay, fine,” Cady begrudgingly agrees. “Let’s do yogurt first, I’m hungry.”

Karen takes both their hands and hauls them towards her favorite shop.

Once they’re sufficiently full of yogurt and toppings, they head to find an outfit for Cady. Gretchen wanders off for a second, leaving Karen and Cady to browse some racks. She comes back with a beautiful white sundress, patterned with yellow flowers.

She shyly approaches Cady, offering the dress. “What do you think of this?”

“Oh, Gretch, this is so pretty! Let me go try it on, it’s beautiful,” Cady squeals, rushing towards the changing rooms. It’s a soft cotton, with a pretty tight bodice and a skirt that flares at her waist, and ends just above her knees. Gretchen seems to have remembered her sizes from their plastic days, the dress fits perfectly.

She opens the curtain to go show her friends, both of them clapping happily and squealing as she spins around. It’s different than it was when they went shopping last year. She can tell their reactions are genuine, rather than just trying to appease her.

“What do you think?” Gretchen asks shyly.

“Gretch, it’s perfect. It’s so soft,” Cady says, looking at herself in the mirror. It has short sleeves, so she might get a little chilly, but she can steal a jacket from Janis. “And, I can wear it to graduation too. It’s beautiful.”

“Oh, good,” Gretchen breathes. She’s working on not needing quite so much external validation, but it’s a slow process.

“You look hot,” Karen adds, making Cady laugh.

“Thanks,” She says, kicking up a heel. “Do you guys want to come over? Watch a movie or something?”

“Totally, that would be fetch,” Gretchen says.

“I’m so glad you still say fetch,” Cady giggles. “Let’s go!”

—————-

A few days later, Janis is typing the final few slides of Cady’s project as her girlfriend lays in her lap and dictates.

“And... you’re done,” Janis says as she enters the last few words. “Now we just need to proofread it and cite your sources.”

“Mmh,” Cady whines. “I hate citing stuff.”

“I hate it too,” Janis says, leaning down to kiss her gently. Cady rests a hand on the back of her head, keeping her close and kissing her back. Janis gives in for a second, before she resists and pulls back. “Stop trying to seduce me into letting you slack off, Peanut.”

“Fine,” Cady huffs as she sits up, still in Janis’ lap as she enters all her sources. “There.”

Janis turns her around to face her. “Good job, baby.”

“Thank you for helping me,” Cady says contently as she nuzzles into her. “I love you.”

“I love you too. So much,” Janis hums. “Have you thought of anything to get for Damian, by the way?”

“A couple things,” Cady says. “He mentioned something when you guys were telling me about Phillip last year, um... an... uh-“

“Edible arrangement?” Janis asks with a chuckle, remembering the story.

“Yeah! What are those?” Cady asks.

“They’re like flower bouquets but they’re made of fruit, so you can eat them,” Janis replies.

“Oh. We could make one of those? Does he like them?”

“That would be cute,” Janis says. “He likes fruit a lot, I don’t see why he wouldn’t like one. They can’t be too hard to make.”

“Don’t say that, you’ll jinx us,” Cady jokes. “We should decorate a little vase to put it in, too.”

“Sounds like a plan, Butterfly,” Janis says. “Are you excited for Sunday?” She and Regina had finally gathered everything they would need, and decided to have the picnic on Sunday so Juliana would have Saturday to prep the food, with the assistance of Regina and their moms.

“Yes! I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with,” Cady says happily. “I know it’ll be perfect.”

“Good,” Janis says as she leans in to kiss her. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Cady teases.

“No way. I love you most.”

“Well... I love you... moster.” Cady stumbles, making them both laugh.

“Okay, fine, you win for today,” Janis chuckles.

“Ha! I win,” Cady says. “My prize is cuddles.”

“I can live with that.”

——————-

Sunday finally rolls around, and Janis is shaking with excitement. She’d spent the day before with Cady, putting together Damian’s thank you gift while Regina and Juliana spent the day cooking at her house.

She and Cady had both wound up absolutely covered in paint from trying to decorate the vase they had picked, and painted a Broadway stage on. Once they had scrubbed most of it off, they decided to start prepping the fruit, neither of them quite understanding how to turn a cantaloupe into a flower. Eventually they got the hang of it, putting together a rather lovely arrangement. Damian would like it, at least.

Cady had mischievously decided to chuck a melon ball at Janis once they had finished putting everything together, so Janis had thrown a grape back. Eventually every piece of the extra fruit they had had been thrown at someone, and they had a delicious mess to clean up.

Her jacket had also gone missing, which was slightly concerning. She had planned on wearing it to the picnic as well, but is wearing a backup since it never turned up.

“Janny. Breathe,” Juliana demands. as Janis is frantically running around trying to make sure everything is in place. They’d bought cheap white sheets and stitched them together to make a massive blanket, which is spread over the soft grass, and bought yellow balloons which are weighing the blanket down at the corners.

Juliana had truly gone all out, prepping almost all of Cady’s favorite foods. All sorts of sandwiches, chocolate covered strawberries, a cheese board, pink lemonade, and even an adorable froggy cake.

“Okay,” Janis says as she teases a deep breath. “You really did a great job, kid, this stuff looks great.”

Julie beams up at her as Janis pulls her into a hug. “Thanks, Janny.”

“Yeah, Jan, chill. Everything’s fine, just wait for your girl,” Regina says, adjusting a bunch of balloons.

“Okay.”

She doesn’t have to wait long, as Damian shows up about ten minutes later with her blindfolded girlfriend in tow. So that’s where her jacket had gone.

He leads Cady to a good place, where she can see the whole spread, before he unties her blindfold.

Cady gasps excitedly, taking everything in for a split second before she runs to jump into Janis’ arms. Janis spins her around as Cady giggles happily, grinning down at her. She pulls Janis down into a kiss as soon as she’s on her feet again, wrapping her arms around her neck and pressing the lips together sweetly.

“Janis, this is beautiful, I love it,” she says as soon as they break apart. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, baby,” Janis says quietly, leaning down to kiss her again. They only remember they’re not alone when everyone starts making gagging noises, Juliana somehow already on Damian’s back. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Cady whispers, giving her one more peck before going to thank Regina and Julie. Regina begrudgingly accepts a hug, and Julie grins happily as Cady wraps her in a tight hug and kisses her cheek. Once that’s been handled she looks around a little more, smiling widely. “Should we give Damian his thing now?”

“Sure,” Janis says, heading to grab it as Damian does a lazy waltz with her sister. He only has to wear the boot for a few more weeks, luckily. “Dame!”

“What? Aww!” He squeals when they hold out his homemade fruit bouquet. “This is so cute.”

“It’s a thank you present, for telling us we were both being idiots but in a nice way,” Janis replies. “Neither of us want to think about what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there to talk us down.”

“Aww. I should become a marriage counselor, if I get this kind of stuff every time,” Damian says, eating one of the melon flowers. He gasps with exaggerated drama as they both lean in to smooch one of his cheeks at the same time, pressing a hand over his heart.

“Thanks, Damian,” Cady giggles.

“You’re welcome. When do we get to eat?” Damian asks, cradling his bouquet.

“Once everyone else shows up,” Regina answers, coming over to join their conversation. “Speak of the devil.”

Cady peeks around Damian to see who else has arrived, going to greet the Mathletes, along with Karen and Gretchen with a hug.

She spends the picnic chatting with everyone, but also spends a lot of it stuck close to Janis. She’s either hugging her, in her lap, or holding her hand throughout the whole thing. It’s cute.

Cady and Janis stay behind after everyone else goes home to clean up, deciding to have a moment to themselves first. The sun went down a while ago, so they cuddle up on the blanket and look at the stars.

“I love you,” Cady says quietly after a while, rolling on top of Janis.

“I love you too,” Janis responds as she pulls her down into a kiss. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Cady whispers, ghosting the words over Janis’ lips. “Today was perfect.”

“I’m glad,” Janis says. “Now kiss me.”

Cady obliges, cupping her face to kiss her as Janis rests her hands on her waist. Janis flicks her tongue at the seam of her lips, moaning quietly when Cady lets her in and their tongues meet.

They both know they should get to work soon, but for now their responsibilities are allowed to fade into the background. The picnic was wonderful, but not quite worth almost losing one another.

They lose the world in each other, tasting the universe on each other’s lips as the stars twinkle just for them above their heads.

All is well.

-

hope you enjoyed! this was a prompt fill for Hayeena and Aubrey_Plaza_Stole_HappiestSeason on ao3.

also, translation for the Swahili: ndege wangu mdogo wa wimbo: my little songbird. I have no idea if its accurate, I don't speak Swahili.

requests are still open! please leave them either here, on my ao3 or on my wattpad. all are the same handle, maybeimamuppet.

lots of love,

ezzy