#yeah I’ve been struggling this weekend lmao

[enhyhoonie]

DIET PEPSI (part 1)

Pairing: Racer!Sunghoon x female!reader

Genres: Serie, College!au, Racing!au, smut, ennemies to lovers, !nsfw!

Triggers: Bad language, illegal activities, smut

WC: 4.4k

A/N: I'm an inconsistent writer sorry about that :') I listenned to Diet Pepsi from Addison Rae and that's basically how i got the inspo lmao. THERE'S MORE DON'T WORRY <3

Synopsis : Sunghoon’s fingers traced lightly along my jawline, his touch sending shivers down my spine. His eyes were dark, almost predatory, as they locked onto mine.

“Still trying to play the innocent, huh?” he murmured, his breath warm against my ear. “Tell me, Y/n, is this really what you want?”

I looked away, struggling to keep my voice steady. “You think you know me so well. But you’re just playing games.”

A smirk tugged at his lips. “Games? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just giving you a taste of what you’ve been craving all along.”

I shivered as his hand slid down my side, his touch lingering with a mix of arrogance and seduction. “I’m not here to fulfill your fantasies,” I retorted, though my voice trembled slightly.

Sunghoon leaned in closer, his lips brushing against my neck. “Funny,” he whispered, “because it seems like you’re exactly where I want you. So tell me, how much more do you want to deny it?”

His words were like a caress, both maddening and irresistible. As his hands explored my body, the tension between us crackled with undeniable heat. I could feel my resolve slipping, leaving me to grapple with the dangerous allure of his touch.

“What are your plans for summer break?” Fia asked, tossing her clothes into her suitcase.

“I’m not sure yet… probably looking for a summer job,” I replied thoughtfully. “What about you?”

“I’m heading to my boyfriend’s place for the summer. It’s just a few kilometers from the dorm,” she said with a grin.

“You’re leaving me here?” I said with a mock pout. “It’ll be strange not having you around for two months.”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic,” Fia teased with a mischievous smile. “I’m not vanishing completely. I’ll be back from time to time to work on some assignments, and we’ll definitely catch up.”

“Well, now that you mention it, I think I’ll focus on studying as much as I can this summer,” I said.

Fia rolled her eyes dramatically. “Come on, it’s summer break! The last thing you should be doing is burying yourself in books. We’re supposed to have fun!”

I frowned slightly. “I take my studies very seriously. Fine art has always been my dream.”

Fia placed a hand on my shoulder, her tone softening. “A little fun won’t ruin your grades. You’re the top student of your degree. You’ve earned a break.”

I paused, contemplating her words. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right…”

“Of course I am!” she said with a playful nudge.

Fia was right. From the start of the program, I’d poured my heart into being the best. My drive for perfection earned me a scholarship to the University of Applied Arts and a spot on campus. It was time to enjoy this well-deserved summer break.

“Oh, by the way,” Fia said, “this weekend, my boyfriend invited me to a car race he’s participating in. You should come with me!”

I blinked in surprise. “But isn’t that kind of thing illegal?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry. It’s not the first time they’ve done this, and it’ll be packed with people. It’ll be a blast!”

“Fia, I’m not sure—”

“No arguments,” she interrupted with a firm tone. “Consider it an order.”

I sighed, feeling resigned. “Alright, fine.”

“Who knows, maybe you’ll find a hook up,” Fia said with a teasing grin.

I winced. “No thanks. I’ve got more important things to think about.”

Fia just laughed and went back to packing. “Just saying!”

The weekend finally arrived, and with it, the excitement of the car race that Fia and I were about to attend with her boyfriend, Leo. Early that evening, Leo showed up at the dorm to pick us up. His sleek, matte black sports car gleamed under the streetlights, a perfect match for his look.

“Ready for the race?” Leo asked, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

I managed a nervous smile. “I think so. I’ve never been to something like this before.”

Fia squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Y/n. Leo’s been looking forward to this for weeks. It’s going to be a night to remember!”

The drive took us out of the city and into a more rugged, secluded area. As we approached, the landscape transformed from urban sprawl to an open, abandoned parking lot illuminated by harsh floodlights. The place was alive with the hum of engines and the murmur of an excited crowd.

Leo parked his car and motioned for us to follow. We made our way through the crowd of racing enthusiasts and racers who darted around. The makeshift racetrack was set up in the lot, a stark contrast to the surrounding darkness, and it was buzzing with a palpable energy.

“I need to check on the car,” Leo said. “You two find a good spot to watch.”

Fia and I wandered towards the viewing area, navigating through the crowd. I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of the scene. The smell of gasoline and burnt rubber was strong, mingling with the cool night air.

“Are you alright?” Fia asked, noticing my nervousness.

“Yeah, just a bit out of my element,” I admitted, glancing around at the throngs of people and roaring engines. “This is way more intense than I expected.”

Fia smiled and squeezed my arm. “You’ll get used to it. Leo’s really fired up tonight. And speaking of which, you should see the guy he’s racing against.”

Just then, a tall, imposing figure appeared near the track. He stood beside a sleek, silver racing car that seemed to glimmer under the floodlights. His presence was magnetic, and there was an effortless confidence in the way he carried himself. His dark eyes were sharp and focused, and he exuded an almost aloof air of superiority.

“That’s Sunghoon,” Fia whispered, her voice laced with a mix of awe and excitement. “He’s Leo’s biggest rival. Sunghoon’s undefeated, and Leo’s been itching for this challenge for a long time.”

I stared at Sunghoon, taking in his cool demeanor. He seemed unfazed by the crowd and the hype, his focus solely on the track and his car. The rivalry between him and Leo was evident, and it was clear that this race was more than just a competition—it was personal.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, the floodlights cast an artificial daylight over the track, and the atmosphere thickened with anticipation. Leo emerged, his expression one of intense focus. He and Sunghoon exchanged terse words, their conversation filled with a competitive edge. Leo’s jaw was set with determination, while Sunghoon remained cool and composed, his demeanor almost nonchalant.

The night sky darkened completely, and the roar of the engines grew louder. The cars lined up on the starting grid, and the crowd’s excitement reached a fever pitch. With the night air charged with tension, the signal was given, and the cars surged forward with a deafening roar.

Fia and I found a good spot to watch, and I could hardly contain my excitement as the two cars sped around the track. The vivid lights of the floodlights made the scene almost surreal, the racing cars cutting through the darkness like shooting stars.

As the race unfolded, I was completely absorbed by the action. The speed, the noise, the thrill—it was all overwhelming and exhilarating. And as the race reached its climax, I felt a rush of adrenaline, caught up in the intensity of the moment.

The two cars were neck and neck, their speed creating a blur of lights and shadows. The crowd was on the edge of their seats, and the tension was almost palpable.

With a final burst of speed, Sunghoon’s sleek silver car edged ahead, crossing the finish line just inches in front of Leo’s black racer. The crowd erupted in cheers and applause, their excitement blending with the roar of engines slowly dying down. Sunghoon had won.

As the cars stopped and the cheers subsided, the announcer’s voice cut through the night air, amplifying the stakes of the race. “And there you have it, folks! Sunghoon is our winner tonight! As per the wager, Leo must now grant Sunghoon whatever he desires.”

Sunghoon stepped forward, his calm demeanor unshaken by the cheers and the spotlight. His voice was cold and blunt as he addressed the crowd, though his words were directed solely at Leo. “I want Leo’s girlfriend for the night.”

A hush fell over the crowd. The request was both shocking and humiliating. Leo’s face flushed with anger and frustration as he realised that Sunghoon was humiliating him by forcing Leo to give away his girlfriend to his rival, but before he could react, he turned to Fia and me.

“Fia, Y/n can I talk to you both privately?” Leo’s voice was tense, his eyes shifting between us.

Leo took a deep breath, his frustration evident. “I don’t want to give Sunghoon what he’s asking. It’s not right. But I need a way out of this.”

Fia’s expression hardened, her anger growing. “What do you mean, a way out?”

Leo glanced at me, his eyes pleading. “I’m thinking of proposing something else. Y/n will come instead of you Fia and I’m hoping he’ll accept this as a substitute.”

I felt a wave of confusion and anxiety wash over me. “Me? But why me?”

Leo’s gaze was intense and desperate. “If he accepts this, it might be the only way to avoid giving up Fia and not get humiliated even more.”

Fia’s face was a mix of anger and betrayal. “Leo, this isn’t right. You can’t just—”

Leo interrupted, his voice firm but strained. “It’s the only option we have right now. I need your help, Y/n.”

Fia’s eyes darted between Leo and me, her frustration evident. “Y/n, you don’t have to do this. It’s not fair to put you in this position.”

I was overwhelmed, feeling trapped between my own uncertainty and Fia’s distress. “I—I don’t know. This is all happening so fast. I don’t even know Sunghoon.”

Leo reached out, his tone softening. “Please, Y/n. I’m asking you to do this for Fia’s sake. It’s just for one night, and it’s the only way I can avoid getting humiliated and giving away my girlfriend to this jerk.”

Fia stepped forward, her voice trembling with emotion. “Leo, this is wrong. We need to find another way. Y/n shouldn’t be put in this position.”

Leo’s face was a mask of frustration and desperation. “I don’t have another option right now. If we don’t do this, it’ll only make things worse.”

The idea of stepping into a situation I wasn’t prepared for, and the pressure of Leo’s request, made me feel uneasy.

Leo could see the distress in both Fia’s and my eyes. Trying to calm the situation, he put on a reassuring smile. “Listen, I’ll handle this. Maybe that was too hasty of me, I’ll figure out another way to settle this without involving anyone we don’t want to. Just give me a moment.”

He stepped away from us, his expression a mix of determination and secrecy. I could see him heading towards Sunghoon, their conversation hidden from our view. Fia and I watched anxiously, both of us lost in our own thoughts.

“I hope he knows what he’s doing,” Fia muttered, her voice tinged with frustration and worry. “This isn’t fair to anyone.”

I nodded, feeling my anxiety grow. The whole situation felt like a bad dream, and I was unsure how to react.

Moments later, Leo returned with a more composed demeanor, but the tension was still palpable. Without a word, he reached for Fia’s hand. “Let’s go,” he said firmly, guiding her away from the crowd.

Fia looked at Leo in confusion and anger. “Leo, what’s going on? Where are you taking me?”

Leo didn’t respond, his grip firm but gentle as he led her away. Fia’s protests grew louder, her voice carrying through the noise of the crowd. “Leo, stop! What are you doing?”

My eyes darted around, searching for a way to help her. Just then, Sunghoon approached me, his expression unreadable.

“Come with me,” he said, his voice cold and commanding.

Before I could react, Sunghoon’s hand was on my arm, guiding me towards his car. The crowd had thinned, and the night air felt colder as he led me through the parking lot. My heart raced as I struggled to process what was happening.

“Wait, where are we going?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

Sunghoon didn’t answer immediately, his focus on the car. As he forced me inside, he slid into the driver’s seat, starting the engine with a smooth, controlled motion. The low rumble of the car seemed to echo the turmoil inside me.

As we sped away, I glanced back towards the crowd, hoping to see Leo and Fia, but they were already out of sight. The weight of the situation settled heavily on my shoulders. I had been pulled into this chaotic mess, and I felt trapped and unsure of what lay ahead.

Sunghoon drove in silence for a while. The tension in the car was thick, and I struggled to find the right words.

“Where are we going?” I asked again, trying to break the silence.

Sunghoon finally turned his gaze away from the road, his expression still unreadeble. “To a place where we can talk privately. Leo’s plan was to avoid facing the truth. I don’t appreciate being deceived.”

I swallowed hard, trying to calm the frantic thoughts swirling in my mind. “Leo said he would come up with another solution. He didn’t want to go through with your original plan.”

Sunghoon’s gaze remained fixed on the road, his face still cold. “It seems he was less forthright than I thought. But here we are.”

As the car sped through the night, I felt trapped between the conflicting actions of Leo and Sunghoon. The night was far from over, and the uncertainty of what lay ahead was both thrilling and terrifying.

Sunghoon maneuvered the car down a winding dirt path, the headlights slicing through the dense forest. The rhythmic thud of the tires against the uneven terrain was the only sound breaking the silence.

He eventually pulled over in a secluded clearing, the car's engine humming softly as he shifted into park. The sudden quiet was almost deafening, and I could hear my own heartbeat thudding in my ears. Sunghoon’s fingers drummed impatiently on the steering wheel, his frustration barely masked by his cool exterior.

He turned to me, his dark eyes fixed with an intensity that made me shiver. “This wasn’t how I planned it,” he said abruptly, his voice betraying a hint of irritation. “I was supposed to take Leo’s girlfriend, not his friend. The humiliation would’ve been far more satisfying.”

He leaned back in his seat, his demeanor shifting back to its usual aloof and nonchalant state. Despite the situation, he seemed eerily calm, as though he was simply going through the motions of a routine rather than engaging in something deeply personal.

“Tell me,” he said, his voice smooth and almost casual, “have you ever done it in a car?”

I could feel my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. His question was blunt, and the way he asked it—so casually—made my face grow hot. I glanced down at my hands, fidgeting with the hem of my dress, unable to meet his gaze.

“I... no,” I stammered. “I haven’t.”

Sunghoon’s smirk widened slightly, though his eyes remained unreadable. “I thought as much. It’s not really your scene, is it?”

I shook my head, unable to find the words. The situation was surreal, and his casual demeanor only seemed to heighten my discomfort. I felt trapped, both by the physical confines of the car and the emotional weight of the night.

Sunghoon studied me for a moment, his expression thoughtful. “I suppose we’ll make this a first for you then,” he said, his tone almost indifferent.

The way he spoke made me feel like I was part of some game he was playing, and I couldn’t shake the sense of unease. The silence in the car felt heavy, suffused with an uncomfortable tension. Sunghoon’s gaze remained fixed on me, his smirk never fading. I could feel his eyes on me, as if he was assessing every nuance of my reaction.

“I guess this isn’t exactly your kind of thrill, is it?” he said, his tone dripping with condescension. “I mean, it’s clear you haven’t really lived on the wild side.”

“I’m not some... easy target,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady despite the lump forming in my throat. “Just because I haven’t done something like this doesn’t mean I’m... I’m not bold enough.”

Sunghoon’s eyes glinted with a sharp, almost predatory light. He leaned forward slightly, his tone dripping with condescension. “Is that so? I just thought you might be too timid for something like this. You look like someone adamant to step out of your comfort zone.”

The way he spoke was calculated, meant to push my buttons and provoke a reaction. I could feel my pulse quickening as his words sank in, igniting a fierce determination within me. I wasn’t going to let him belittle me, not without a fight.

In a sudden, impulsive decision driven by a mix of defiance and desperation, I shifted my position in the car. Without fully realizing what I was doing, I swung my leg over his lap and straddled him, my heart racing with a mix of anxiety and adrenaline.

Sunghoon’s eyes widened in surprise, but the smirk on his lips remained. He looked at me with a blend of amusement and satisfaction, as if he had been waiting for this exact reaction. His hand rested casually on my hip, his touch sending a shiver down my spine.

“Raise the stakes,” he said, his voice low and almost amused.

The realization of what I had done hit me like a jolt. I was straddling him, the proximity making my heart race even faster. The initial burst of defiance was replaced by a sinking feeling as I understood Sunghoon’s manipulation. He had provoked me, played on my insecurities, and now I was exactly where he wanted me.

A wave of shame and anger washed over me, and I tried to push myself off his lap, but Sunghoon’s grip was firm, holding me in place. His eyes were cold and calculating, and his smile widened with satisfaction.

“You’re quite easy to manipulate, you know,” he said softly, his voice tinged with an edge of cruelty. “It wasn’t hard to get you to react. All it took was a little prodding.”

I was taken aback by his words, the sting of his taunt cutting deep. I had been tricked, my attempt to assert myself used against me. The realization made me feel vulnerable and exposed, and I struggled to maintain my composure.

“I... I didn’t mean to—” I started to say, but my voice faltered as I tried to regain control of the situation.

Sunghoon’s grip on my hip tightened slightly, his gaze never leaving mine. “It’s alright,” he said with a cold, almost pitying tone. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s just a part of the game. And now, you’re fully in it.”

Sunghoon’s eyes never left mine as he took in the flush of anger and embarrassment on my face. His smirk grew more pronounced, a blend of satisfaction and cruel amusement evident in his gaze.

“Since you’re so eager to prove yourself,” he said, his voice smooth and laced with taunting, “why don’t you give me a hickey?”

The request was unexpected, and I felt a surge of panic. The idea of doing something so intimate and, frankly, embarrassing in my current state made my heart pound even harder. I was overwhelmed by the situation, unsure of what to do or how to respond. I felt a growing aversion towards him, fueled by his manipulation and the way he seemed to toy with me.

But my pride was a stubborn force. I wasn’t going to admit that I didn’t know how to give a hickey, not to him. The very thought of telling him that was mortifying, and I refused to give him that satisfaction.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my trembling hands. “Fine,” I said, trying to sound confident despite the knot of anxiety tightening in my chest. “I’ll do it.”

Sunghoon’s eyes glittered with a dangerous, sensual light. He tilted his head slightly, exposing the side of his neck. His hand wandered from my hip to my back, fingers grazing my skin with a touch that was both deliberate and electrifying.

“Go on,” he said, his voice low and almost a purr. “I’m waiting.”

My heart raced as I leaned in closer, the heat of his body against mine making my breath hitch. I pressed my lips to his skin tentatively, trying to muster the courage to follow through with the task. The closeness was overwhelming, and his touch made it even harder to focus.

Sunghoon’s hand continued to explore my body, tracing along my back and the curve of my waist. Each touch was calculated, designed to heighten my discomfort and make the situation more intense. I could feel his fingers brushing lightly against the bare skin of my upper thigh, and it made me shiver involuntarily.

Despite my best efforts, I was inexperienced and unsure, and I could tell by the way Sunghoon’s eyes gleamed that he was thoroughly enjoying my struggle. I tried to apply pressure with my lips, but it came out more hesitant than confident. The feeling of his skin beneath my lips was foreign and unsettling.

When I finally pulled back, my face flushed with embarrassment and frustration. Sunghoon’s expression was a mix of amusement and mockery. He traced a finger lightly over the spot where I’d tried to leave a mark, his touch a lingering reminder of my inexperience.

“Not bad,” he said with a smirk. “Though I have to admit, it’s more like a soft nibble than a bite. You’re a bit too gentle.”

I glared at him, my pride wounded by his taunting. The way he compared my attempt to a bite only deepened my humiliation. I tried to ignore the heat rising in my cheeks and the ache of frustration that was slowly taking over my emotions.

Sunghoon's smirk never faded as he observed my flushed face. His eyes gleamed with a mix of amusement and something darker, something that made my pulse race. Before I could react, he slid his hand down to grab my ass, pulling me closer against him. The sudden move made me gasp, my breath catching in my throat.

"Let me show you how it should be done," he whispered, his voice low and laced with a dangerous edge. Before I could react, he pulled me closer, his other hand slipping into my hair and tugging my head to the side, exposing the delicate skin of my neck.

I barely had time to process what was happening before I felt his lips against my skin. The sensation was electric, his mouth hot and insistent as he latched onto my neck with a hunger that made my breath catch. His teeth grazed my skin, and the sharpness of it made my body tense, every nerves.

A low, involuntary moan escaped my lips as his grip tightened on my ass, pulling me flush against him. The way his body pressed against mine, the heat radiating from him, was overwhelming. My mind screamed at me to pull away, to resist, but my body betrayed me, responding to his touch with a confusing mix of fear and arousal.

He sucked harder, his tongue swirling against my skin, leaving behind a mark that I knew would be impossible to hide. The intensity of it sent a wave of heat pooling in my stomach, and I hated how much it was affecting me. Every touch, every movement of his lips against my neck, seemed to ignite something deep within me that I hadn’t known existed.

When he finally pulled back, I was left breathless, my heart pounding in my chest. Sunghoon’s eyes were dark, filled with a dangerous satisfaction as he surveyed the mark he had left on me. His thumb brushed over the spot, and I shivered at the lingering sensation.

"See? That’s how you leave a mark," he said, his tone dripping with arrogance. "You can’t just be gentle with everything. Sometimes, you have to take what you want."

I tried to mask my reaction, but the throbbing pulse in my neck and the ache in my core made it impossible to hide how his touch had affected me. I hated that he had turned me on, hated that my body had responded to him in a way that made me feel weak and vulnerable.

But most of all, I hated that he knew it. The triumphant gleam in his eyes told me that he had noticed every shiver, every gasp, and it only fueled his arrogance.

Sunghoon’s eyes softened slightly as he pulled back, his lips leaving a lingering warmth on my neck. He looked at me with a mix of satisfaction and something else I couldn't quite place.

“Well, that’s enough for tonight,” he said, his voice suddenly shifting to a more neutral tone. “I’m not going to push you further.”

His unexpected decision left me with a strange mixture of relief and frustration. I tried to steady my breathing, my cheeks still flushed from his touch. Despite the torment and the way my body had betrayed me, I snapped back, trying to salvage some shred of dignity.

“Why did you even need to do all this?” I asked, my voice shaking slightly. “Why did you have to—”

Sunghoon cut me off with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I was just having some fun. Besides, you made it pretty easy.” He paused, his smirk returning. “Where do you live? I’ll give you a ride back.”

Sunghoon drove me back in silence, the atmosphere between us thick with unspoken tension.

When we finally arrived at the dorm, Sunghoon parked the car and got out, walking around to open my door. I stepped out, feeling the cool night air on my skin. He looked me up and down, his eyes lingering on my rear with a smirk.

"You know," he said, his voice carrying a hint of teasing, "you have a pretty nice ass I will give you at least that."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I felt a surge of humiliation and anger, my cheeks burning as I tried to compose myself. I managed to muster a glare at him, but my eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

Sunghoon’s smirk widened as he got back into his car. “Looking forward to us meeting again, Y/n.”

As the car pulled away, I stood there, feeling a mixture of relief and heartache. I fought back the tears that were now streaming down my face, the raw emotion bubbling up from within. The frustration I felt wasn’t just from the night’s events but from how deeply it had affected me.

It wasn’t just the emotional turmoil that left me in despair; my underwear was uncomfortably wet, a reminder of how Sunghoon's actions had affected me in ways I deeply resented. The realization of how much he had gotten under my skin only added to my sense of humiliation and frustration.

The streetlights cast a faint glow on the pavement, reflecting the tears that continued to fall from my eyes. It was in that moment, that I came to a clear and undeniable conclusion.

I hated him.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[aussie-bookworm]

do you need to get *in the zone* to write? if so, how dya do it? any tips on just getting up off your ass and writing?

Oh yeah I definitely need to get in the zone to write. Some days are easier than others lol

As for tips… keep in mind these are my personal tips and it’s not one size fits all – you gotta figure out what works out for you personally

1. Have a good idea about what you’re writing

It might seem a bit obvious but having a good idea of what you want to write does help a bunch. I’m more excited to write if I know what scenes I’m working on and how they relate to the story.

Think about what scenes you want to include while you’re not writing, that way you have something to look forward to when you’re actually sitting in front of your word doc.

Scenes that I’ve been thinking about a lot just fly by because I’m excited to finally get the words out onto the page and I have a good understanding of how things might play out.

2. Set the vibe

Exactly what it says on the tin. Identify what helps you stay in the zone and ready to write and use it to your advantage.

Does listening to music help? Turn it up. Does a specific environment help you pay attention? Go there and if you can’t, try to replicate it. Is your font difficult to read or just plain boring? Change it Comic Sans!

(That last one is a joke but I’m not gonna stop you if you wanna change your default typeface to Comic Sans lmao)

Work on your own environment and make it as writer friendly as possible. But also never underestimate the power of changing things up once in a while.

For example: I typically write in my room where I know no one will distract me. I do short spurts of writing when I get home from work and do longer sessions on weekends. I put on a random playlist and shuffle it, but occasionally I change it up and play video game OSTs.

I tend to change the colour of my pages in Google Docs to be pastel colours so I can still see my words but feel less intimidated by the white of an empty page. I avoid snacking on chips while I write because I dislike grease and flavouring getting on my keyboard.

On the rare occasion when I’m on a weekend trip, I bring my laptop along so I can still do some writing during quiet moments before bed.

This is just what works for me. I’m well aware some of these environmental factors are very niche but you gotta experiment to see what works for you!

Speaking of your environment…

3. Minimise distractions but know when you need to take a break

As much as I would love to, you can’t write while scrolling through Tumblr lol. It’s a classic piece of advice but for a good reason. Focus on the page in front of you and put your phone far away from you if you have to.

But also recognise when you’ve had enough of writing. I’ve found that sometimes during a long writing session, I start to skip words or my descriptions start to not make any sense or something else. It’s a pretty good sign that you need to take a quick break and give your brain a refresh.

Go outside, put on a short YouTube video, do some chores, scroll tumblr, just do something short and sweet that will allow your brain a little break so you can get back to writing once you’re done.

If you are really struggling with staying focused and in the zone, I would recommend trying a writing sprint.

I only found out about these this year but they have been massively helpful in getting me to stay focused.

Set a timer for however long you want (I usually go for 10 minutes) and write non-stop until that timer goes off. You don’t even need to worry about grammar and spelling. Just get the words out and you can edit them later.

It helps identify when it’s break time and sometimes you’ll find that you’ll want to keep on writing after the timer has gone off.

Sprints also help out with the next tip…

4. Just get the dang words out on the page

I will be completely honest, it took me a really long time to understand this piece of advice because it felt obvious. Turns out I was wrong! So let me explain!

Your first draft is your worst version of your writing. No one else will see it so give yourself full permission to fuck up.

Write as many ‘he said, she sighed, they did x’ as you want! Write meta jokes for yourself when you can’t remember how much has passed in-universe! Write parts that you’re still on the fence about including! Write bad jokes you’re not sure will land! Write whatever you want!

Then, once you’ve finished writing and you’re onto proofreading, go through your work multiple times and note what you need to change.

Have you used the same word multiple times in this one sentence? Use another one. Do you like this theme that seems to have developed during the writing phase? Go back and include it more. Is this character repeating an action too many times? Find something else they can do that matches the mood.

Your first draft is supposed to be messy and incomplete. The proofreading stage is where you act as your own worse critic and fix any issues you see.

And if there’s still an issue you’re having trouble with while you proofread? Highlight it and come back later. It’s not going anywhere.

By actually focusing on your writing and getting words on the page, you are more likely to stay in the zone and keep writing! You just need to take that first step and start writing.

Hope that helps anon! At the end of the day, writing should be fun, so try to enjoy every step of the writing process, however you can ❤️

[officialgleamstar]

Yeah yeah yeah I'd love to hear your thoughts on the dynamics!!!

OKAY. SO. To restate myself: I THINK (almost) EVERY OAK AND CLOSE/FOSTER SHIP IS SO INTERESTING. They always have something fun going on … and also they’re always bi4bi which is deeply important to me. Sorry if any of this is hard to understand I am so so tired XD

Meryl and Hildy are the only two where I’ve not really dedicated thought to them. However, I could absolutely see them as like… you know that trope of a Casanova desperately chasing after the only woman who isn’t interested in him? THAT. THEY ARE THAT TO ME. Hildy is too focused on her career for men and it drives Meryl crazy

My thoughts on Barry and Bill should not be said in a public setting but I will provide this

Barry is gray and bill is blue. He should fuck that old man (purposefully ambiguous on who I mean). Anyways

My feelings on Glennry are. Well explored LMAO They’re my favorite ship! I know they can be super toxic as a ship, but I do really love them, most of all, as a ship where both parties fight tooth and nail to get better for the other. Because they understand each other and care for one another and the other person is just so so so fucking worth it to them. It makes me happy :]

Henry/Jodie is like, a sleeper agent in my mind. I think they have the capacity to be so fuckin compelling but I’m usually dedicating too much time to Glennry and Rodie to think about it. I LOVE these two though. I’m not usually a huge fan of Jodie struggling with his sexuality (it’s just funnier to me if he dated Scam with no hesitation.) but I’m in love with it specifically for Henry/Jodie contexts. Something about Henry being so loose and free with his sexuality contrasted with Jodie being so buttoned up about everything makes me so fhdksgajdhskdh!!! And of course, it is canon in that one AU-of-an-AU for MnMoms LMAO

Nark <3 one of my original ships and one I’ve been thinking about a lot this weekend. The PEAK of adhd boyfriend/autism boyfriend in my mind. As I said the other day - I love them as established but ambiguous. No one knows what their relationship is, least of all them, but it has been going on for years. I find them really interesting but I don’t tend to agree with some of the like, I dunno, trademark features of popular Nark dynamics? I think Nicky is the type to do anything to get approval from those who cares about, way more so than I’ve seen some people give him credit for (more, maybe they give him too much credit? Wording LOL), and I think Lark feels intense guilt for the mere act of existing, and I think these two characteristics are SO fun to throw up against each other. Also I know Nicky is a cool alt demon boy when they’re teens, but he’s still a cop’s son and I LOOOVE that in contrast to Lark’s hot-to-those-in-his-age-group brooding and general delinquency vibes (ie (our only real example) swapping places with his twin so he can risk his life LMAO). GOD SORRY IM RAMBLING ABOUT NARK NOW I like them. A lot

In contrast to Nark, I think the general consensus on Lovesong is awesome. Sparrow and Nicky liked each other so much as teenagers, they were an adorable T4T couple, they’re adhd boyfriend/autism girlfriend, and now they’re the worlds messiest exes ever and it’s everyone’s problem <3 ohhh sword to throat scene, you will ALWAYS be famous. I also love them with a dynamic of like… Sparrow being much more confident around Nicky, but struggling a lot in general social interactions. Something about her blossoming and opening up when around Nicky in particular, and maybe neither of them even notice at first… but then one day it clicks. They’re just SO comfortable around each other and I love thinking about like. The details of how that relationship dissolves, and how much worse it must have made the betrayal. Their current antagonism is made so so so interesting, especially when Sparrow is such a pushover to everyone BUT Nicky… OUGH. LOVE THEM!!!! (do you guys like how I automatically trans fem Sparrow in Lovesong settings specifically LMAO)

Oakworthy is another one I’ve talked about at length. They are two bugs I am raising in captivity together and they keep trying to each other, so I have to separate them, but I put them back together anyways. Because thIS IS HOW OAKWORTHY CAN STILL WIN-!! I love these two, fully immersed in the fantasy that they’re going to fix things and get together in the end. I think the fact that they both have such strong identity issues but in different ways - Hermie has no idea who he truly is and tries on a million masks to compensate, while Normal tries so desperately to be someone else but his true identity always shows in the end - makes for a REEEALLY interesting dynamic. They both try so hard to be who the other person wants, and fail to realize that what the other wants is for them to be themselves. Makes me crazy

AND FINALLY. NORMAL/TAYLOR. Tayloak <3 only something I’ve started thinking about, like… in the past few weeks XD but I think they’re REALLY FUN. Obviously there’s this massive aspect of Normals jealousy of (and over) Taylor, which can be fun to play with in a “do I want him or do I want to be him” way! I think those types of crushes are SO funny in fiction. And also. Once again. They fit the autism x adhd dynamic except this time, they’re both high energy. Tackling as a love language. To me.

Obviously, all of this is just my personal opinion!!! I do not pretend to know these characters better than anybody else (except Jodie.) and this is just my interpretation of these ships :] if people have wildly different opinions I’d love to hear em as well, just be nice LOL

[hyuuukais]

heyllo :3

i’m a little late on my ✨happy thing✨ bc i too have been struggling this past week 🥲 but today has been pretty good so far so i’m kinda now have the ability to reflect back on the good things 🫶🏼 (tbf most of the good things happened sat/sun but i digress)

i bought some xdh pcs 😋 yes… the parasites won. they’re coming from overseas so it will be a bit before i get them ☹️ but they were cheap and vv cute obv (i couldn’t find the one i love that u got though 😭 there was only one listing i came across and it had been sold but!! i’m gonna buy an album and also keep an eye out lmao)

also someone brought me back some so super cute souvenirs from finland including a handmade stitched moomin bag and some cool chocolates and a handmade moose plushie that is so so so soft 🫎

+ it’s been raining all week here (which i love) nd i’ve seen some rlly pretty rainbows 🌈 🌧️🩶

oh! and i had some v yummy boba today w one of my favorite family members 🩷🤍

so yeah 👍

i'm sorry your week has not been great :(( but i'm glad the weekend has been better for u!! hopefully it stays that way 🫂 and ur gonna have to show me when u get the pcs omg !! manifesting a quick delivery for u 🤞

ohhhh those souvenirs sound so cute!! that was so kind of them :33 and we love rain and rainbows in this house 🌈💙 i'm glad ur day has been going well so far by the sounds of it, u deserve it !! :33

yay for ✨️happy things✨️!!! and here's to a better week 🫂💙

[sonodaten]

Different anon but could you share more about the Divine Comedy references in PTN please? I've already caught up with the story! You're not the first person I've seen mentioning their similarities which is why I started to read it last week (tho progress is slow 😅)

Yeah, sure! I’ll put this one under a read more bc of the spoilers (up to the end of Ch 8 and some stuff from character profiles) and it’s gonna get a little long. I’m also sorry if you have been waiting for this, I’ve been distracted by the World Cup and general holiday craziness this weekend.

First off, congrats and good luck on the read through! Nothing wrong with taking it slow! If anything, it’s way better. Reading a poem is a lot different than reading a book, and with something as dense as the Divine Comedy it’s way more important to read to understand than it is to read for speed. Knowing what’s going on and what Dante and Virgil are talking about after 20 cantos will serve you better than getting through those cantos after a couple hours or so.

I’ll be sticking to the Inferno, bc as I said in my very first post, most of what I’ve seen and parsed through is referring to the Inferno. That’s not to say there’s no references to Purgatario or Paradiso—there very well could be and I’ve missed them—but one literary hurdle at a time. I will also reiterate from my last post, that some of this will be conjecture due to how little story that is released so far, and the nature of literary interpretation. How I’ve understood the Inferno and how I relate it to PtN’s plot/characters may be different from how you or anyone else does, and that’s great! Differences like that is what makes discussions about the game, theories, and it’s source material interesting.

Now, in the Inferno, Dante travels through Hell with the spirit of Virgil as a guide at the request of Beatrice in an attempt to change his path in life. Dante and Virgil descend through the rings of Hell, meeting individuals that serve as commentary on various point historical figures and events at the time.

In Path to Nowhere, the story we have so far mirrors this pretty well. We have the Chief’s initial awakening and being set on the path towards change (Prologue), the initial foray into danger (SALVA Chaos), the literal descent into the unclaimed crypt (Unclaimed Crypt; complete with ominous message on the wall!), and the Chief’s continued figurative descent after falling out with the MBCC and under the 9th Agency (Keylan Square, The Carnival).

But that’s just a quick overview. I promised this would be long, so let’s get into specifics:

The opening scene of the Inferno has Dante confronted by three animals: a leopard, a lion, and a wolf. These three animals are meant to represent different manners of sin, and chase Dante into darkness. In the Prologue, after Chief awakens the introductory combat situation pits you against Wendy and EMP (Violence and Treachery respectively). It’s also where we meet Virgil and hear of Beatrice’s request, which could be argued are paralleled by Hecate’s (and even Hella’s) guidance of the Chief and Suspect R’s request that Chief follow the clues with the promise that she will be “waiting with answers at the end” (but I’ve gone through so many notebook pages about those three it’s really up in the air for me at this point LMAO so I’ll leave that there for now).

Side bar: that monster we saw in the prologue? Why I’m considering the MBCC is also playing into the Greek Mythology side of Minos. The Minotaur that was being kept in the eponymous Labyrinth as it were. But then what were they sacrificing to it hmmmm…? But that’s another post hahaha

SALVA Chaos (Chapters 1 and 2) follows Dante and Virgil’s journey through Limbo and 2nd Circle. Limbo is part of hell, but souls sent here are not tortured for sins and are mostly just kind of there. Dante and Virgil travel through Limbo to reach a citadel, where they meet other philosophers and poets, like the Chief’s own struggle through Syndicate to reach SALVA. Obviously Syndicate and Limbo aren’t a 1:1 allusion, but not everything between the two will be. Circle 2 is where sinners are punished for lust, and I believe it was changed to Love in-game—though not baselessly! There are actually many places throughout the text that speak to the power of love to inspire sin, both great and small. And in the end, both Dante and the Chief knock tf out. Bless.

Unclaimed Crypt (Chapters 3 and 4) like I said there’s the literal descent into the crypt itself and the ominous message on the wall. Now, the message in the Inferno is seen as Dante is entering hell, and in PtN it’s already by the time we’re pretty far underground and written on the wall in blood, but like I said, not everything’s going to be 1:1 between the two of them. There’s also the presence of the crypt itself and it’s connection to the Inheritance, which could be a reference to the punishment of the 6th circle for heresy (trapped in tombs and set on fire). After all, the arc did end with the crypt exploding in a sea of flames.

Keylan Square (Chapters 5 and 6) the 7th circle of hell is described as containing ruins and shattered stones, similar to the landscape of Keylan Square after the outbreak of the Black Ring. The 7th circle is also where sinners who commit acts of violence are punished, which fits pretty well considering the landscape at the time was supposed to be formed and abide by Zoya’s mind (Zoya is assigned to Violence in the Libram). I also believe the Corpseborne is meant to parallel the Geryon—a monster that’s part human, part scorpion, and part reptile—that is encountered by Dante and Virgil in this circle and they need to pass in order to reach the next.

The Carnival (Chapters 8 and 9), reflect the 8th and 9th circles respectively. The 8th circle of hell punishes sinners guilty of fraud—specifically even a portion for punishing impersonators—and that’s what the Carnival and the revelers within are revealed to be: a massive illusion and Corruptors masquerading as a parade within the Black Ring under Hamel’s power (which in it’s own way is revealed to be a sort of impersonation when the truth about the Corpseborne and Phantom Hamel come to light). The 9th circle of hell is where sinners guilty of treachery are punished, and it’s environment is described as a frozen lake. Similarly, after defeating Phantom Hamel and dissipating BR-0001 the Chief finds Hamel beneath the surface of the frozen lake they first saw her dance, where Hamel traps the Corruptors in her final illusion.

Mmm I know I said it would be long but I didn’t realize it was that long until right now! Wow! And that’s still just glossing over it all. But I don’t wanna spend too much more time sitting on this in case someone is waiting for it, especially since I’ll be going on vacation soon. I hope that answers your question, Anon. This long and hard to scroll through on my phone, so it’s hard to review, but if there’s anything that needs clarification or if you just want more elaboration, please feel free to let me know!

[yourlocalartsonist]

ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Five

A/N: Pain. Suffering. Pain. Agony. Sorry for dying for the past few weeks (month?) but I was just struggling with this chapter bro like fr. It was originally much much MUCH longer but I felt like it got so long that it cluttered everything up and was just taking too long to write. So, I split the chapters up. Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm leaving y'all on a cliffhanger for this chapter but hey! Chapter six is almost done so it should be out waaaaaay sooner and you won't have to suffer for too long :> Hope you guys enjoy this and sorry for the wait and the shorter chapter lmao

Also! Credit to: @sweaterrat for being my beloved beta reader!

Previous Chapter:

Next Chapter:

Chapter One:

Disclaimer: Chapter involves neglect, mild panic attack, violence, injuries, and curse words. If you're sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe! <3

The gusty air chilled my skin. It’s quite windy today, isn’t it?

Twenty more steps.

It’s Monday now, starting the week with school as usual. Getting to see everyone. Including… Jaiden. Just like last week. All over again.

Ten more steps.

I don’t know what I did. If they’re okay. If they’re mad. I ignored my phone the whole weekend after seeing Jaiden at that party. They could’ve just told me or rescheduled or something. Why lie? What gives? 

Five more steps.

I covered my eyes, shielding them from the light reflecting off of cars. Maybe Jaiden didn’t lie. Maybe there really was something important at first and then they went to a party later? But then again, they could’ve still told me anyway. But then again, maybe they figured I’d be busy by then. Yeah, that could be it. 

Three.

Well, I’ll never know if I don’t ask. I’ll just ask. I’ll go up to them and say “Hey, I saw you went to a party after telling me we can’t hang out. Did something happen?” And I’m sure I’ll get a reasonable answer. It can’t go that wrong. 

Two.

It’s getting kinda hard to breathe. Why? The air’s fantastic today. Are my lungs okay?

One. 

One more step. 

It’s one more step. Just turn the corner and there it is. It’s Monday, I need to go to school. I need to do my work. I need to talk to Jaiden. I’m so close. Why aren’t my stupid feet moving?

I caught myself taking deeper breaths, my chest suffocated. My legs went numb. The building’s right there, why did I have to get all weird right now? What’s even happening? Why does my head feel mushy? My breathing got more rushed, more audible, more desperate. What is with me, why can’t I just… panic attack? Panic attack! That’s what’s happening! Again.

Now knowing my condition, I leaned against the wall and attempted to relax. Breathe more manually. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Once. Twice. Three times. My body relaxed soon after.

Of course, I just had to have a panic attack a literal step away from school. I should’ve known this would happen. I’ve been getting them nonstop all weekend every time I even thought about seeing Jaiden. Should I call someone? The only other person I could call if I wanted to make it to school today is Zane, and that’s sure as hell not happening. I don’t want him to feel responsible for whatever’s going on between me and Jaiden, he probably has no idea it’s happening, anyway!

I could skip the day. It might honestly be better since I doubt I’ll even be able to focus, anyway. But at the same time, being alone in a state like this wouldn’t be the best option for me. The more alone I am, the more time I have. The more time I have, the more thinking I do. The more thinking I do, the more I’ll be reminded of Jaiden hence defeating the entire point. I searched through my contacts. I’ve got friends outside of Jaiden and Zane now, so maybe I could hang out with someone and get my mind off things. I’ll text in the group chat to see if anyone’s free.

But…

My hands stayed in place holding my phone. 

What if they get mad? 

I already tagged along with Mikey and Leo just the other day. If I ask again, what if they’ll just get annoyed? I was being too clingy with Jaiden and that’s probably what lead to this situation in the first place. Ugh, I knew pestering them wasn’t a good idea. I just… whatever, just don’t repeat mistakes. I don’t want any of them to be upset with me. But, if I can’t call the guys, who else do I have?

My eyes strained at the tiny bright screen. Only one person left: April. We haven’t gone out in a while, for months actually. Maybe she’d be down? It’s worth a shot.

Breathe in, press the button. It’ll be okay.

After a few rings, a voice picked up gleefully singing my name.

“Salena!~ How are ya? It’s been so long, I thought you forgot about me.”

I laughed “Ah yes, me forget the April O’Neil, as if that’s such a simple task! I just got a little busy, is all. I know they say junior year’s supposed to be the soul-draining year of death and misery, but tenth grade’s not that great either to be honest.”

“That why you called? Is high school kicking your ass that badly? You know I’m always here to help.”

I shook my head as if she was in front of me. “No, don’t worry! I’m actually doing great grades-wise, plenty thanks to you of course!”

Last year, when I was a new student fresh into high school, I was flunking tests and falling behind on assignments. Not because I couldn’t understand the material, that wasn’t the hard part, it was more just struggling with motivation and time management. A lot was going on in my personal life during my middle school years and I got so used to getting off the hook for that, I ended up having a hard time taking things seriously again in high school even though I wanted to. 

So I asked our counselor if there was anything I could do to fix it and she suggested the new tutoring program they had set up. April was the senior I was assigned to. She was such a fantastic tutor that my grades shot back up after just a few sessions! And as a person, well, she’s even cooler! Being around her just energized me a lot, enough to do my assignments and even pick up some side projects for fun. It was just something about her spunky and bold personality that felt too contagious to resist. Somehow, this super amazing badass senior ended up taking enough of a liking to me that after she graduated, she asked to exchange numbers and we actually hung out sometimes over the summer. She’s been a bit busier since college, though, and I didn’t want to bother her so our talks turned more into light texts every now and then.

One thing I’ll always appreciate, though. She checked in on me during the whole Krangpocalypse and made sure I was okay. She was the only person who did. The only person who cared.

“A-actually, April? I’m having a bit of a rough time with the uh… social aspect of high school.”

“Oh boy. Talk to me.”

“Oh uh, I…” Should I really talk about Jaiden behind their back? “I mean it’s not that bad, I’m sure it’ll be fine tomorrow. It’s only a little quarrel between me and a friend. I just…” I dragged my hand away from my mouth after realizing I was biting my nails. “I don’t think I can go today. I mean, I tried! I’m literally right outside school but-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay! You’re going through a fight, I totally get it. Ugh. Darn, I don’t wanna leave you alone right now but…” she trailed off, clicking her tongue and sighing. “You know what? Whatever, we can hang. I’ve got some investigation work but you can join in. We need some adventure in ya, anyway!”

“R-really!?”

“Give me a few, I’ll come pick you up.” Beep!

Well, that went better than I thought.

After a while, April arrived in a cute, shiny yellow car. I’ve never it seen before. It didn’t look very fancy or expensive but it had a sort of comfy and almost familiar vibe to it. 

“I didn’t know you had a car!” I threw my bag in the passenger seat and sat down on the one next to her. 

“It’s cool, isn’t it? I got my driver’s license a few months ago and Mom surprised me with this! Comes in real handy for long-distance work. Speaking of, you okay with going out of city for this? I’m driving you home, too, obviously.” I nodded. “Still living with your aunt right?” 

“Yep, same place as always.” 

“Is she… any different?”

I hesitantly shook my head. “But never mind that. What exactly are we doing on this mission?”

“Glad ya asked. We are infiltrating an abandoned mineshaft near the city that I suspect is actually a front for the government to hide their new secret lab for making these super-toxic biochemical herbicides. Assuming it even is that.” 

She tampered with her car buttons and displayed… a hologram? Why would a car like this have a hologram?

I suppose my confusion was blatantly on my face since April quickly explained “My friend added that feature. The car didn’t come with it, obviously.”

“Obviously. Must be a very talented friend.”

She laughed “Oh yeah, he’s real talented. And real big-headed about it. But anywho, while I first thought this was just some sorta deforestation plan commissioned by another rich hotshot, I’m having my doubts on that.” The hologram displayed a vial with glowing blue liquid in it as April continued. “This glowy blue thingy was the only thing that could hurt those alien freaks a few months ago.”

The Krang? “Hurt? Aren’t those guys like, scary tough, why would a simple herbicide hurt them? I could throw as many knives as I wanted and they’d still be barely affected.” And I know this because I literally did.

“Exactly! Why on Earth would a simple herbicide do that much damage? Some are pretty dangerous but this was on another level, I dissolved an alien eye with it! Whatever it is, it’s something dangerous. We’ve gotta break in and figure out what’s going on or at least get another lead.”

I stared out the window as she continued driving. I’ve helped April with her work before, she’s got a lot on her plate so I’m always more than happy to lend a hand. But I’ve never actually gone on a field mission with her before. My specialty was more in the research end of things. Nevertheless! I’m excited! A little nervous but it’ll probably be fine. I mean, I’ve survived against pig mutants and rabid shrew Yōkai, how worse can it get?

We arrived at our destination three hours later. I hopped out the car and April opened the trunk, getting out a fiery lime-green bat and handing me a spare metal one. “The place is supposed to be empty so I doubt we’ll need any weapons but just in case.” Honestly, judging from how crazy things have been lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if these actually did come in handy somehow.

I followed April down the quarry, stopping outside the mineshaft’s entrance. Oh, it looked abandoned, all right. The scratched off paint, rusty metal gate, it looked like no one’s been here for years!

“Damn dude, how’d you even find out about this?”

“My university used to be their old lab before a certain someone broke in and stole a bunch of their stuff.” She winked, making it very clear who that someone was. “After months of digging and chasing leads, I finally tracked this creepy rodeo down! And then found out all I really had to do was just look at the name.” She tilted my chin to look up at the sign above the mineshaft. 

I squinted past the dirt and rust and read the words out loud. “Elemental Preservation Facility?”

“And what are the initials?” 

“E.P.F. …Wait, E.P.F! You mean like-” 

“Mhm! The government’s Earth Protection Force. It’s stupidly obvious when you think about it, must’ve been some sort of reverse psychology ploy.” Oof. If I were her, I’d be more annoyed at that. “It did start as an actual mineshaft but never got any good results so the government officially shut it down. But they never actually restored it like they usually would. Any other useless old mineshaft always gets restored.”

“If that’s the case then there’s definitely something valuable hidden in there. But… how do we get in?”

Before I could even start thinking of ideas, I flinched at the sound of April taking action… 

“APRIL O’NEIL!” She swung her bat at the gate, taking it down the moment it made contact. I stood there with my jaw dropped at the pure power in her hit. Who needs plans when you’ve got an O’Neil, I suppose!

The mineshaft ended up being a long, dark tunnel of neverending nothingness for a while, filling my head with the occasional doubt if we’d ever even find anything here. After what felt like decades, we finally hit an end. The flashlight from April’s phone began getting overpowered by a different light source, one right ahead of us. A room guarded by two large doors, bright green light shining through the crack. They looked a little out of place for an abandoned mineshaft. These doors were clean, solid, new. There’s a security keypad on the side, technology that definitely doesn’t belong here.

“You don’t by any chance know what the passcode for this place is, do you?”

“Don’t need to.” She broke the damn door again. Facing me, she proudly showcased her bat to my intrigued yet terrified expression. “This bad boy can break down anything I want it to!”

“Hey, April?...” My eyes trailed past her to the strange room behind the broken door. “Did the old lab at your university look like this, too?”

The enormous, round room captivated my attention, vibrant green glow emitting from a dozen pods in the wall. They weren’t empty. There were… things inside. Creatures? Beings? They were curled up presumably asleep floating in the goo, it looked straight out of a sci-fi film. I tried taking a closer look at one of them, immediately stepping back and fucking off when I got greeted with its open eye. 

“Yeesh this place looks like a weird mix between an illegal drug lab and a secret military bunker. A-are those explosives?”

“Yep. Timed explosives.” she snapped a bunch of pictures on her phone. “Look at that, they’ve got guns, too. Bet a nickel whoever built this place shoved forks in outlets as a kid.” 

We wandered around a bit more trying to make sense of what this place could be. The blue not-herbicide was nowhere to be found but honestly, I have a funny feeling this is way worse. There were a few pieces of paper sprawled around on the ground. Picking them up, I called April over. 

“April, check this out! There’s writing on it… I think?” 

“Uh, looks more like a bunch of random scribbles to me.” 

“Yeah, but look at this.” I pointed to some repeating lines in the text “It has some level of consistency. Could be encrypted text or maybe even a different language that doesn’t exist in the public domain. I’ve dabbled a bit in the conlang community before, making a new language and writing system is more common than you’d think. Not a huge stretch for a government agency to do that.”

“Welp, it’s the only physical evidence we’ve got so it’ll have to do!” She put the papers in her backpack and zipped it shut. “Besides, Donnie might be able to decipher this stuff.”

Donnie? “Huh, what a coincidence! One of my new friends is also a huge nerd named Donnie. I bet he could help, too!” 

April narrowed her eyes and raised a brow “Wait, really?” 

“What? Did I say something?”

Wait… What was that!? My spine tingled as I spun around frantically, trying to find the source of my uneasiness.

“What!? What’s wrong!?”

“I-I don’t know I just… I feel like someone’s watching us.” 

She gasped “Look out!”

I got pushed to the side watching April swing her bat and send the large cat flying back into the wall. We jumped to the sound of hissing and growling, coming from a small pack of them surrounding us. Their striped coats resembled tabby cats but their sizes were way off. Tabby cats were tiny compared to these guys, they looked more like a small puma’s size!

“Woah!” I dodged to the side avoiding another pounce “What are these things!? They’re huge!”

“I don’t know!” She grunted, swinging the cat away “Whatever they are, they’re attacking us so we’ve gotta move!”

April grabbed my hand and we rushed to get to the other side of the room, taking the lead so she could block any attacks at us. My mind ran a mile a minute trying to make any sense of this while also not dying at the hands of a monster cat. Danger aside, I admired how well April used her bat. She strikes with pure confidence, moving with her bat as if they were one entity. I might be imagining things, but sometimes the bat feels alive, a friend to April more than a weapon. 

The tabbies stopped chasing us once we were out of that room and back in the mineshaft. They stared us down, hissing as if to say “Stay out!” 

April looked back, sighed, and began walking towards the mineshaft’s exit. That was until I tugged her arm to stop her.

“Salena?” She looked confused. I kept staring. “What is it?”

“Um, I know this might sound like a stretch but…” I ignored the pesky voice telling me I was insane and instead went with my gut “I think whatever creatures attacked us are related to the ones in the pods. It just doesn’t feel like they’re normal cats. The E.P.F. is up to something and I don’t think it’s good.”

She seemed conflicted, the corners of her mouth turned down “It’s not a stretch. With what just happened, I think you’re on to something. Oh boy, this is worse than I thought it’d be.”

“...We should destroy it.” 

“What?”

“The lab. We don’t have any leads other than some pictures and funky text. That’s not even close to enough to figure out what’s going on and what the E.P.F. is planning to do with all of this.” I met her eyes, a worried look flashed across them. “They’ve got explosives, don’t they? We need to destroy that lab and at least hinder their progress to buy us more time.”

“Oh no no no no, hell no! You are not going back in there. I wouldn’t have even brought you here if I knew we’d be dealing with a bunch of supersized freaks!”

“And they’ve got more of those freaks inside! Who knows what they’re doing to those animals to make them so unnaturally aggressive! April, if we leave now we’re letting things continue. If we destroy the place… if we kill them we’re at least saving them from being government guinea pigs.”

“Look, I’ll come back here later and figure something out but not with you. Right now, you and I are getting out of here and I’m driving you home.”

I know she’s right. This is dangerous. Those cats had claws and teeth large enough to kill with ease, one wrong move and it’s over. But they’re still innocent animals. Living beings. They’re being toyed with and turned into monsters. I can’t just let whatever ‘mad scientist bullshit’ this is go on. Even if she comes back, what if it’s too late by then?

“April…” I backed up, gripped the metal bat, and ran back to the lab “Wait for me in the car!”

“Wha- SALENA NO!” 

Sorry April. 

Running through the tunnel, I built up speed, zigzagging past the big cats before they could stop me. Now back in the room, I made my way to the explosives and shoveled a bunch between my body and arm. With April gone, I had to frequently strike at the leaping felines and defend myself. The metal bat doesn’t seem as powerful as April’s, neither are my hits. But whatever, they’re getting the job done. I ran along the walls, placing an explosive on each of the twelve pods. That strangely doubled as a distraction for some of the cats since they started clawing at the explosives. I looked at the timer on them.

Ten minutes. I can make it. 

Unfortunately, this time even after bolting out of the room, the giant cats kept tailing me, almost like they knew what I was doing. They hindered my progress a little, having to both stick the last of the explosives on the mineshaft walls and attack the cats till I get open space to escape. But that didn’t matter, I had to get out of here. 

Only five minutes left. If there was ever a time to sprint it’d be now.

“Huh? AH!!!” A fluffy fucker slipped past my radar and leaped on me, both of us crashing into the rocky wall from impact. My bat wasn’t in my hand anymore, it fell too far from my reach.

So there I was pinned down screaming in pain as the only thing between me and a very graphic death was my poor left arm acting as a shield getting torn into by its teeth. My head was throbbing, my forehead felt slightly warm and wet. Panicked, breathless, and thinking it was the end, I closed my eyes praying the whole place just blew up before I got mauled alive. 

“APRIL O’NEIL!!!” I heard the cat yowl as she thrashed it off me, pulling me up and dragging me out. “Come on!”

We dashed through the exit, up the quarry, and dove behind April’s car, far enough to not die from the explosion. I covered my ears to the earth-shattering sound. 

I looked up to see April holding me tight, almost cradling me. Even despite all the jitters from the last however-long-it’s-been, her protective grip still managed to calm me down, if only a little.

 

The world went silent. We peeked from behind the car to the now blocked-off entrance. 

“We… We did it. WE DID IT!” I got up, wincing as my head felt a little wobbly and nauseous but it was probably from the intense action just now. 

“We sure did! Man, I am gonna lay in bed for the next week after this. You ready to head home?”

“Ye-”

“Don’t answer that, we’re leaving either way.” Her eyes shifted to the side of my forehead, slowly widening “Hey, are you bleeding?” 

“Am I?” I touched my temple and blinked at my red fingers. I must’ve hit a rock or something? 

“…Come on, we gotta get you some medical attention.” 

I tried taking a step to follow her but my legs felt shaky. Everything’s sideways now, am I on the ground? My vision’s blurry. Why is April calling my name?

Next Chapter

[missbabyjay]

Hello to all my beautiful friends I’ve made a connection with so far on my journey with this account, and to the people I will come across in the future!

I figured I’d introduce myself.

So hi! This is me!

I am 21, almost 22. My birthdays coming up in February which makes me a Pisces. I am also a Canadian.

Besides being a die hard comedy fan, I spend my free time dabbling in makeup and art when I get a creative boost. I am a lash artist as well which is my full time career!

I’m a huge Bill Hader and SNL fan. I do have to admit though that I only recently got into both Bill and SNL towards the end of 2022. Beforehand, I usually only kept up with the weekend update, or the occasional skit that i would come across on social media. Besides that, I enjoy stand up comedy as well.

Another one of my big interests is music! I’m big into anything before the 2000’s… but then also lots of EDM. I know that’s weird lmao. Currently I’ve been really into 80’s new wave/rock. My mom raised me on some really awesome music so thanks to her for giving me that interest!

My favourite movie at the moment is Hot Rod😂😭

In may of 2022 I began my sobriety journey after a long and hard 5 years of addiction. and ever since then I’ve been relearning who I am. This account has really allowed me to get creative and do something outside of my comfort zone. And it’s been great to already meet some new people that share similar interests to me.

So yeah, that’s a little bit about me and a few photos to put a face to the name! I’d love to get to know more Bill/SNL/Comedy fans on here as well as I struggle a bit with friendships IRL. Thanks y’all :)

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

since i cant focus on my homework right now, i came to bother you in the asks LOL soooo, the things plaguing my thoughts rn are as follows: 1. dj lando norris (i actually cant get him out of my head, i keep playing my club playlist and just keep thinking rip dj lando you would have loved frat parties) 2. still on my ferrari 1-2 high from LAST WEEKEND 3. im so convinced that if you put me in a formula 1 car i could drive it perfectly 4. on that topic, i really want to go karting for my birthday with my friends but realized that its expensive :/ 5. i was thinking about what would have happened if logan sargeant hadn't become a f1 driver. would he have gone to college? he 100% would have been a frat boy LOL

n e way, i think thats it, but i will be back if i still cant focus. - 🏁 anon

first off… you’re never bothering me. I love when you send me asks 😌

1. baby I am always also thinking about dj lando. dare I say.. it’s one of his hottest looks. he would be such a menace as a frat boy, I think we should all be glad he chose racing lmao

2. yeah!!!!!! I keep seeing videos of carlos on the podium and afterwards and it’s just so lovely

3. me too 😭 like realistically it’s so difficult and even f2 drivers sometimes can’t adjust to f1 and struggle to drive the car but… i could do it 😌

4. i’ve never been karting, but i’d love to. couldn’t go with my friends though, they’re all terrible drivers

5. he 100% would have been a frat boy, no doubt about it. he even admitted this recently, in episode 2 of team torque!! he did say that if he wasn’t racing, he probably would’ve gone to college and ended up in a frat lmao. that boy is the walking definition of a frat boy i’m sorry

hope you got your homework done babe!! i’m always here for any thoughts you may have <3

[studyari]

march update

it’s officially midterms time. i thought i would post an update becuase this semester has took SO much out of me. i finished my internship funded by the national science foundation in january, can’t say i made too many ties there since i hardly saw my superiors. BUT i did get to know the metrology lab pretty well and even got their machine working. going into it i did NOT imagine i could accomplish that but i felt so good getting it working! i even made a little overturn training manual and gave it over to them. 

okay so starting this semester i am in my gateway courses. so a bunch of physics courses at one time ugh plus i was taking differential and linear algebra. i got so stressed out with the workload that i had a dream where i crashed into a forest and the airbags went off lol. that same morning i dropped my lab and differential equations. it was just WAYYY too much for me. 

i’m still a full time student so it was clear i was doing too much. hmm okay so i’m in my gateway courses so mathematical physics, classical mechanics, and modern physics. i knew i was going to struggle with classical mechanics because kinematics alone was hard for me to grasp and it’s basically dynamics. i didn’t apply as an engineering major literally because i didn’t want to take dynamics LOL i struggled in statics. Of course im taking the same class just named something else and a lot harder T_T. i also wanted to get some undergrad research experience and work in an electronic materials lab but yeah i’m just tooooo busy it was a good idea though lmao.

okay but honestly mechanics is the hardest class for me, modern physics is my most interesting class, and mathematical isn’t too bad even though i suck at math because our teacher grades us mostly on completion and work shown. the hardest thing about this semester is just the schedule itself. so we have to take all three at the same time for some reason or you wouldn’t be able to register for the class ummm overkill much?! and the schedule is from 10am - 7:30 pm ughhhh. I have to take the bus there so add on a couple hours and then i have to walk to class. ohhh i miss the online/hybrid classes so much lol. by the time i’m in my last class i am literally asleep. don’t worry ive started drinking coffee.

looking on the brighter sides of things i’m being a lot more involved in campus and i’m really liking getting to know my classmates! i am so antisocial and awkward so im surprised. i’ve been going to the women in stem meetings, society of astronomy, nsbe coding workshops, ieee circuits workshops, career fairs, and boba socials just for funsies. i realize school isnt all about good grades and killing yourself for that A. i’ve even had more time to spend with my friends (it is so true what they say about making time not having it lol). almost every other weekend we see each other and have little celebrations, watch movies, have study dates, go to the park, get coffee/boba, go shopping etc. and facetiming my friends back in arizona as well! one of my club advisors told me its actually the b and c students that do better in the job market and isnt that freaking crazy! ever since then ive been reminding myself that being perfect and getting a’s isnt always worth it. i have other life to live too and people wont necessarily fault me for that.

okay as for my grades though i have been bombing every single quiz like a 50 or LESS LMAO. that’s with me studying at least a whole day before. however as of now i have passed every exam so far. so my current grades right now are 90% in modern physics, 98% mathematical physics, 100% classical mechanics (but a lot f the grades arent in yet), and a 99% in linear algebra. See and thats me not killing myself this semester so im super happy i decided to not overdo it, it really doesnt make as much as a difference as i thought lmao clearly.

looking forward to spring break! i was in therapy/behavioral health all last year trying to tackle my anxiety and i would say its been helping. its all about making a choice. i’m also in physical therapy now for the next couple of months and then once summer starts i’ll start going back to therapy again. this post might seem positive but this semester i have never felt more unmotivated or stupid. some days i feel like i cant do this and that everyone else around me is so much more capable. but i know as soon as i give into those thoughts that i’ll end up giving up and i don't want to give up. my boyfriend also has been feeling the same way. 

i also lost my wallet this week soooo all my documentation and identification is gone ugh. i had a full on breakdown but am getting that figured out. i’m going to an applications of black holes seminar tomorrow and i am super excited about that. took my linear algebra exam today too, (WHY IS THAT CLASS SO HARD BTW). i havent yet applied but theres this summer research opportunity happening at the university of toronto (dunlap institute of physics and astrophysics) and i think im going to apply! i really want to travel this year and experience something new!

[outofcontexturi]

Thu 23rd feb 2023 journal 22:30

today has been tiring. I haven’t eaten properly and I’ve had a headache for god knows how long. I’m gonna rest and fuck off this showcase shit for the day cause that’s all I’ve been doing. I’ve not given any time to myself and pretty much all this time to stressing about showcase cause I’m having to do double the work. I fucking hate this feeling and I do want it to end. I’m nervous and excited for showcase but time really is of the essence right now. I listened to kanye this morning and i felt amazing. I felt like I could do anything. These long days have to pay off man. I’m praying I get the right agent and hopefully it comes after showcase. I mean the journey isn’t done if I don’t but I would really like to get one. A part of me feels like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with helping out Kiziana with her showcase but she’s chosen such a good scene for the both of us so that’s that on that. Moses on the other than is fucking difficult to work with but I love him he just takes so long to get into things and when time is of the essence it’s hard not to get angry with the guy. I feel like a fuse ready to snap when he does things cause it’s like why are you trying to piss me off bro when you should be trying to help me right now. The good thing about this is that I won’t be doing this again with him cause I don’t think I’d want this stress ngl. I just had jelly for dinner cause that’s what the life of a student actor is. I’m glad I’m documenting this moment so that when I look back I’ll remember the struggle and be grateful to wherever I am when I get to where I want to get to. It’s 22:38pm right now. Lights are off in the room. Bed room heater is on. New Wayne song just dropped. AirPods are in. Phone is on dnd. I thought about Honey today. It’s so hard to let someone you love go. I went back to our convos and just laughed cause she’s funny lmao. You deep how hard life is when the people you want aren’t around. My heart still feels cold(er). I still need therapy. I still need a job. I still need to live my life and do things. No freedom just yet. Which sucks but whatever. Just turnt the heater off: my bed is warm enough to thaw my heart now. It’s 22:44pm. I’m hungry. Might watch Avatar the last airbender. Then call it a day. Have a long day tomorrow and then the weekend will be long. The thing is, I HAVE TO FIND A WAY OUT CAUSE IF I DONT NO ONE WILL DO IT FOR ME. So yeah I can cry and complain about how shitty life is right now but it will end and these moments and feelings will end and maybe tomorrow won’t feel like this and maybe I’ll have eaten properly or got some nice sleep or felt good about myself or something idk that fact of the matter is I’m going to get whatever I need to get done BY ANY MEANS. cause that’s what I do. That’s what I’ve been doing. I don’t have to be the smartest person to do that I just have to have a spirit that doesn’t give up and luckily for me I have that so I should be fine. I’m also thinking about Nolu. I hope she’s fine. I think I remember speaking to her on Monday but that feels like forever ago with everything going on at lamda right now. Days seem to be merging together and I don’t have the energy to remember them they way I want to right now. I want to close off from the world but idk how useful that would be. This phone is on 30%. It’s 22:50pm. Last year today I wanted to kill myself I remember. I wanted to commit suicide. Kinda happy I didn’t. I did however look outside of a window at school today and there’s Barons Court station just there and I thought to myself “the way I’m feeling is probably jump” but that was earlier when I was really really stressed and tired and hadn’t eaten a fucking meal so I don’t blame myself for being dramatic. I was never gonna jump or break the glass and jump for anyone reading not that I care if you care or don’t care. I’m gonna get ready for bed and watch avatar (probably). Let’s pray tomorrow is kinder than today was and pray that I get these lines in. It’ll work out in my favour. The universe is working with me to get me where I need to be.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

Tw/venting

Question for my mutuals:

how do literally any of you all cope with the fact that you Aren’t Normal and never will be

because like….maybe it’s a “I stayed in the house during the pandemic longer than other people” or maybe it’s a queer in the south thing, or maybe it’s a ND thing.

but I feel this immense pain and sadness (with some anger) when I realize how much I don’t fit in with people. especially in school and things.

I don’t experience huge emotions normally, I panic whenever I feel a smidge of attraction for another person. I can’t do sports because I’ve never done them and I would feel like I’m just doing it to do it and have a “normal” high school experience.

I’m probably not going to homecoming, mostly because I’m probably not getting invited, and I don’t know if any of my friends are going either. And it’d just be weird. Because being in a room full of sweaty people while I’m stuck in my head about everything I do isn’t really fun.

Feeling like(scratch that, knowing that) I’ll never truly fit in, even though I really don’t want to because it’s boring, hurts a lot. It starts making me feel unloveable. Because I see everyone else doing normal stuff, like having relationships. And I just feel so disconnected. And jealous. And also extremely insecure because one thing I’ve learned recently is that school society only views you as one of two things. Smart, athletic, or pretty/handsome. And I’m the smart kid. There’s a line of -50 people waiting for me to waltz them into a stupor. And it makes me feel so ugly and gross and unattractive and like I will never find someone who’ll actually like me beyond my intelligence. Because I feel like people find me too weird because of my interests already, so I might as well just be funny to cover up that whole problem.

like forced conformity is killing the kids but so is having them be in a world where anything that isn’t perfect and the same is rewarded with disgusted looks and “that’s weird”.

I know it’s all a confidence problem for me, and I’m trying to work on it but sometimes it gets defeating to feel out of place all the time.

and school is varying in degrees of fun-ness for me as well. Because yeah it’s fine. I’m almost failing APUSH but that’s fine and normal. But I’m just stuck in a system that doesn’t care about me or how I am. And when I go into the workforce, more often than not, it’s going to be the same thing.

and school just squishes all creativity I feel like I have. I do my work, come home, do fun things and take pity on myself for not being normal, go to sleep, repeat. And my teacher on Friday, after fussing at us for failing his class, told us about an experience he had at a competition. He brought his best kids, and they got absolutely wiped. The other kids’ SAT scores were above 1200, and they were from high-performing areas that don’t have a high-poverty rate.

and I didn’t think over it too much then (because other things were stressing me out) but now it just makes me feel so much worse. Am I truly not good enough? Is my intelligence that I barely pride myself in because of how fucked up the gifted program made me, really nothing in comparison to other people. And I get you’re not supposed to compare yourself to other people. It’s not good. But will other people always think “oh she’s just another black kid from a low-income city from the south. And is also queer and ND.” And just leave it at that. Because truly, nobody cares beyond that.

everything in this world just seems so fucked up, every system feels like it’s been tainted beyond belief, and that the people who understand that, and realize that everything sucks just have to deal with it. Because the majority just don’t realize it and don’t care. And even if they’re not in the majority, they still control everything, and still don’t care.

anyways yeah. will people every truly and actually appreciate me for the things I find cool, and will it get better for people who don’t fit in or do I just have to suck it up.

[inkykeiji]

Hi!! I've been real down in the dumps lately and have had negative motivation to do anything I'm supposed to be doing, and somehow I felt like what I needed was for someone to constantly be there for me, checking on and supporting me endlessly and just have someone be there all the time. Obviously I can't really expect anyone to give all their time to me so I kind of had the idea of creating a telegram bot (lonely ik :( ) that I could "talk" to and have it reply to me with things telling me to go do my work, and I somehow had the idea ro make it touya-nii!! It's a wip but I just thought I'd tell you and thank you cuz imagining him has alr been a form of support for me <3

oh my!! then i have some very, very good news for you, anon <3

i wasn’t planning on revealing this project just yet, because it’s still in the final stages. but because you’ve sent me this, and because you’ve literally proven to me that this IS an audience for this, i’ll tell you.

i’ve been working on something similar with my boyfriend since january. it isn’t a telegram bot but an actual app we built from scratch. i’m in the final stages of finishing the first four conversations (that’s what my super secret surprise is! SURPRISE LMAO) and then a few people will be testing it before i can finally release it to the public. it’s a game, more or less—or an interactive experience: chatting with MY versions/iterations of dabi, tomura, and keigo. the chats will both connect to the universes i’ve built, but there will also be some in the future meant for comforting (ie you pick how you’re feeling/the mood your in and get a chat based on that. for example “i’m feeling anxious” or “i had a rough day at work/school”). they each have a few routes/endings as well, so the replayablility is quite high!!! the first chat will be released for free (and you’re in luck, it’s touya-nii!!!!!!) and the other three (another touya-nii, bmb dabi, and bmb tomura) will be on patreon.

i plan to release a few chats a month for those who would like to be patrons!! i want to make it very clear here that the chats will NOT be necessary or needed to understand any of my main series. i will never put any of my main series’ behind a paywall (but i do plan to publish two as books in the future!). the patreon is simply for those who want and can afford a little something extra—THAT is what they are; supplementary pieces. in other words, that the patreon is only to provide EXTRA or additional content to those who wish to support me or are fortunate enough to support me. the patreon content is only supplementary that you do not and will never need to understand any of my main stories (aka they won’t hold any crucial information, they’re just for fun).

there will be a few other tier rewards, but i shall keep those a secret for now hehehe <333 the chats are the main feature, really. i’m hoping to have them up and running by the end of this month!!!!!! both my boyfriend and i have been working so hard on this for so long and i literally cannot WAIT to share it with you all <3 i’ve been buzzing with excitement for months trying to keep my mouth shut LMAO.

i’m so sorry you’re feeling down lately my sweet anon :( i am flattered and honoured to hear that touya-nii has been a source of support for you <3 i hope he continues to do so, and i hope that my chats can help you (only if you can afford them/if it’s feasible though!) <333 i am sending you endless love, health, and support as well bb <3

[in-a-slanted-outhouse]

Hey, just wondering, have you finished your drawing of Aidan Gallagher in a dress yet?

Nope. I am going to though and I really want to. All that is left to do is his arms and l’m kinda struggling with the placement of them but I’ll get them done eventually

Nice to know that people are still interested in that :D

So anyways funny story…

CW me being ill

Basically, I started that drawing on the day the Queen died when I was on the tail end of being ill. And since then I’ve either had school or been extremely busy over the weekend. I also got ill for the second time last week after just getting better. I was planning on finishing it today as it’s a bank holiday here because of “national mourning” or whatever and I don’t have anything on today. Except in the early hours of this morning I fell ill again lmao

I dunno whether I’m gonna get worse?? Or wether I can cope with using my iPad without getting nauseous. I am on my phone at the moment so maybe?? Although I am lying down whereas with drawing I’ve gotta sit. I kinda just wanna rest and lie down all day today y’know?

So uh yeah I’ll get it done eventually because I want to and I’ve put so much effort into it so far but I also don’t know what’s going to happen in the future so I’m not gonna set a deadline or anything

Thanks for your ask anon I appreciate it :D

[wannabe-cartoonist-blog]

🎶 Listen on YouTube 🎶

An untitled Teiko angst playlist because I have a lot of feelings about Kuroko + the GoM in middle school, okay? You can find all these songs on whatever you use to listen to music.

Deep dive + song analysis (with screen caps) below cut.

Harmony Hall | Vampire Weekend

And the stone walls of Harmony Hall bear witness Anybody with a worried mind could never forgive the sight Of wicked snakes inside a place you thought was dignified I don't wanna live like this, but I don't wanna die

I loved the juxaposition of Teiko being this really prestigious school that everyone envies but it churns out just absolutely fucked up children lmao. ‘We always win’. You fucked up a perfectly good kid is what you did. Look at them! They have depression. Also, the first line about the “vow” is very fitting for Ogiwara + Kuroko, and Kuroko’s feelings of inadequacy when it comes to being stuck in the third string.

Houdini | Foster The People

You never knew what I could find What could come when we realize I don't want to compromise

Yeah, I'm scared but I'll disappear Running around before it corners you Like he's someone who lost his way

I know that you want me 'Cause it's simple to see of my ability

This song’s about wanting to escape from your present situation and feeling trapped, but ultimately overcoming those feelings and making a future for yourself; Kuroko to a T. But especially Kuroko prior to joining the Teiko team, imo. He feels very helpless in his efforts to climb the ranks of the team, but keeps at it anyway. Then he gets a little tease from Akashi + Aomine about what Kuroko can potentially become… ‘Rise up to your ability,’ indeed.

What You Know | Two Door Cinema Club

In a few weeks, I will get time To realize it's right before my eyes And I can take it if it's what I want to do I am leaving and this is starting To feel like it's right before my eyes And I can taste it, it's my sweet beginning

Being swept up in the moment and blinded by the promise of success…yeah, I think that happens to our poor baby. But this is definitely one of the more positive songs on the playlist. I could see this being like Aomine and/or Akashi making the promise to Kuroko that he can do much more and Kuroko being the one to jump at the chance for companionship and notoriety.

Hard Times | Paramore

Where do I go? Gimme some sort of sign You hit me with lightning! Maybe I'll come alive

This song’s deceptively peppy beat can almost distract from the bleak lyrics, which I think is very fitting for the Miracles. I think this is a fitting theme for when Kuroko is “coming down” from the high of being on a team that always wins. He’s among the first to realize there’s a problem with the team’s methods and attitudes. Not to mention notice how unhappy everyone seems suddenly.

Over My Head (Cable Car) | The Fray

And suddenly, I've become a part of your past I'm becoming the part that don't last I'm losing you and it's effortless

For when Kuroko’s feeling outnumbered by the Miracles’ change in attitudes and unsuccessful in breaking them out of their haze. I also imagine the “she” the singer speaks of is Momoi. Kuroko worries about keeping the Miracles together but struggles with the responsibility. The thought of disappointing Momoi - who spoke of wanting to “always be together” - along with the reality of losing all of the Miracles, is crushing and overwhelming to Kuroko.

Jumper | Third Eye Blind

And your friends have left you, you've been dismissed I never thought it would come to this And I, I want you to know Everyone's got to face down the demons Maybe today, you could put the past away

Remember the aokuro playlist? This is the song I cut from it. I think it’s just such a good fit for the aokuro dynamic - with the “jumper”/”the angry boy a bit too insane” being Aomine and Kuroko being the friend who is pleading with them. Aomine kinda dives off the deep end (metaphorically) and we see Kuroko struggling to bring him back to himself (unsuccessfully, during their Teiko days). It’s one of my favorite songs and I think it just so happens to work with aokuro really well. And the singer sounding so angry and sad and desperate is a plus, because that’s definitely Kuroko in this situation. But it could be taken as more platonic than it is “romantic”, which is why I decided to save it for this playlist.

Drown | Seafret

What doesn't destroy you Leaves you broken instead Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper And I can't take

One more moment of this silence The loneliness is haunting me And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up Hold up, hold up

Haha. Oof. Pretty self explanatory, this one.

Broken Crown | Mumford & Sons

I will not speak of your sin There was a way out for him The mirror shows not Your values are all shot

Angry Kuroko. That is all. JK. Yeah, Kuroko, despite how dejected he seems in canon, I just know is pissed over what happened to Ogiwara. This song I think is perfect for Kuroko officially rejecting the Miracles values - namely Akashi’s. I imagine the “other” Akashi is the one Kuroko is addressing in this song.

Shadow of the Day | Linkin Park

Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple Sometimes goodbye's the only way

And the sun will set for you The sun will set for you

Despite the obvious choice of this song having “shadow” in the title, I think it’s a good fit for Kuroko post-Teiko. He accepts the Miracles’ decision to all go to different high schools, but only because he knows that beating them all at their own game, one-by-one, is his only way of getting through to them.

The First Days of Spring | Noah And The Whale

But I'll come back to you In a year or so And rebuild, ready to become The person you believed in The person that you used to love

KnB begins in the spring so I was thrilled to have a song that reflected the series’ theme of new beginnings in new school years. The song “Blue Skies” by this same band was also a contender for this playlist, but I decided to cut it since I think this song is a better ending point (bc of those themes I mentioned).

[enjennie]

Our Little Secret [Jaemin x Reader]

summary: How you ended up dating Na Jaemin and the struggles in hiding it from your brother Jeno.

genre: smut! fluff. secret relationship! au. brother's bestfriend au lmao

warnings: contains smut and profanity

a/n: hello! I've taken a really long break in writing and ALSO this is my first try in writing smut. Please excuse my inexperienced and beginner level in writing! enjoy ♡

On a normal day, you’d wake up at 8am nice and early to attend classes. But today was a weekend, and you hadn’t gotten much sleep thanks to your brother and his friends doing God knows in your backyard. Thus, explaining the hour in which you'd just woken up in being later than usual. You were just about to go down to get your first meal of the day at quarter to 12 in the afternoon.

“Hey, idiots! Call it a night, why don’t you?” You remember yelling through the window last night, scolding the boys.

You don’t know why you weren’t used to it yet. Every end of the month there would be boys night. Their favourite place to goof around in just so happened to be yours. Your parents were away on most nights, leaving their son in charge of the house more than not.

“Ya, Y/N! Go to bed,” yells Jeno, your brother who was the host of the night. You scowled and he does the same back at you. With heavy hands, you shut the window and wished it would block the noise out.

It was around 4 when you finally fell into a deep sleep, your earphones finally drowning out their screaming. No other reason as to why it took you that long to fall asleep at all. None at all. It wasn’t like you were waiting for a particular someone to slip into your room to give you some goodnight kisses.

Totally. Yeah, totally untrue. The truth is that you were waiting for Na Jaemin. You’ve been fooling around with him for a month now and you may or may not have asked him to come up for a bit.

You and Jaemin have been friends since your brother brought him home after school one day when you were little. Since then he’d become a familiar face around the house, always hanging about.

Unlike the other friends of your brother, Jaemin was different. Aside from being your brother’s closest friend, he wasn’t as wild and rowdy but rather calm and dare I say… maternal? He had the same vibe of a Kindergarten teacher. The other boys relied on him for advice and if they needed help with anything that had to do with adulting. You even caught Jaemin separating Jeno’s white and coloured clothes once and giving your brother an earful of why he should be doing them himself.

It all started when you came home one day, face strained with tears and mascara running down your cheeks. You’ve gotten dumped. The shittiest feeling ever. Jaemin just so happened to be passing by the house to drop over some video games he borrowed from Jeno when he saw you running towards the door. Before he could ask you what was wrong, you were already sobbing into his arms.

He's always been someone you found comfort in. You knew your feeling would just never be reciprocated so you did everything in your will to forget about it. But at that moment it just felt right, and Jaemin just so happened to be there at a time you needed someone the most.

You took him inside for some water and maybe a new change of shirt since you’d stained his with mascara. You didn’t expect to kiss him. You didn’t expect the kiss to lead into sex either. But soon enough your clothes travelled to the ground and you were pushing Jaemin into the pantry, too impatient to go up to your room but at the same time wanting a little privacy.

“Is this okay?” he breathed, hands roaming around your body in the dark. “I mean- your brother-“ he stutters.

“-isn’t here. Now make me feel good, Jaemin. Please,” you cut his sentence off. The last thing you wanted to think about before hooking up was your brother.

Your plea was the only push Jaemin needed. He was just helping you feel better after a breakup. Right? It’s not like he had underlying feelings for you since the first time Jeno introduced him to you. Right? Wrong again.

Jaemin knew things wouldn’t be the same for him after this, and he didn’t know if it was good or bad. Fuck, could I have at least told her I like her first? Jaemin was having an inner conflict all the while you were getting rid of his clothes bit by bit and touching him in places that felt so heavenly.

“Y/N, I like you,” he spat out.

You giggled, but you’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t jump with joy. “Woah, I know we’re about to have sex but you don’t have to confess to me, y’know. It’s fine,” He really didn't have to make your heart flutter like that. You'd accepted it was just sex and you'd pretend nothing ever happened after this.

He took you by the shoulders and stood in front of him. He was glad the lights were off, so you wouldn’t see him all flustered. “No, Y/N. I actually like you. I like you a lot,”

The silence in the pantry was deafening and Jaemin swears he could hear his heart beating through his own ears waiting for your response. Instead, he feels your warm lips on his. Nothing could have been a better response.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I had to date so many jerks to try and get over you,” you whisper. Jaemin was grinning. He wanted the lights on now. He wanted to see you and hear what you just said to him. But he couldn’t find the switches so he just leaned in for another kiss.

The house is a mess and when you get to the living room you catch a glimpse of your brother and some of his friends laying on the couch and on the floor. Red cups and the TV playing on mute. You shake your head and sigh, knowing he’d get you to help him clean it up after. You don’t notice that the 7 boys in the living room was missing one.

When you get to the kitchen, you found the one missing boy from the group. Jaemin was up, flipping cooking up a breakfast. Compared to the living room, the kitchen was relatively clean. Only bowls, measuring cups and plates surrounded him for the pancakes he was cooking up.

He notices your presence and turns his head to face you, his smile instantly appearing on his pretty face.

“Morning, baby,” he greets, a sweet smile plastered on his face.

“Good morning,” you travel across the kitchen to get closer to him and take a peep of what he was cooking. His eyes follow you and he gets back to flipping the pancakes he had on the pan. He has to tear his eyes away from you.

You were clearly wearing his shirt. Getting braver, I see. You and him haven’t told anyone about the relationship yet. Not even Jeno. Jaemin’s been feeling horrible about it, but he wasn’t telling him only because you weren’t ready yet.

“You hungry? I made just enough for everyone,” he offers, directing his focus to the stove. The plate already had 10 steaming pancakes on it. It could probably fit 7 hungover boys and one starving you, right?

"Go set the table,” he doesn’t wait for your response because he knew without having to get one.

To your left were the plates and utensils already stacked and ready to go so you take them to set the table. The boys were still asleep so you tiptoe your way past them and quietly prepare the table. Jaemin follows suit, letting the smell of pancakes alone do the waking up for his friends. Although he wishes they take their time.

You take a seat, ready to dig in and he takes the seat beside you.

🔞 smut starts here

“Y/N, what would you say if I were to take you right now?” Jaemin’s question came out cool and easy, but it caused you to choke on the orange juice you were drinking.

You look to your right, where not too far away was your brother and his other friends in their slumber. Jaemin’s lips tug into a smirk at your reaction as he takes a bite of pancake.

“Pardon?” you ask, not quite believing what you’d just heard.

Jaemin leans closer to your ear this time before whispering, “I was asking what you’d do if I took you right now in the pantry,” his hand was reaching for the maple syrup beside you at the same time.

He sits back and uncaps it before pouring it slowly over his pancake. You watch him pour the smooth and sticky liquid and he watches as you bite down on your lip. He knew you were upset with him for not coming up to your room last night. But he simply couldn’t without being seen. He wanted to make it up to you for that.

“Your call,” he gets up and makes his way to the pantry room. You notice that the lights don’t go on from the small crack on the floor. After one last look at the living room, you take quick steps to follow him.

The moment you get through the door, Jaemin has you against the cabinet, his lips hungry and wanting.

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t do this last night,” he apologizes, biting your lips and earning a whimper from you.“They didn’t pass out until 4:30 and I figured you were asleep,” He was explaining but you were already way passed it.

You didn’t care anymore. Nothing else mattered, you just wanted him. “I don’t care,” you whisper.

Jaemin pushed through your shorts and felt you through your lace panties. You’d worn it just in case he came last night. "That’s what you missed out on,” you tell him and he chuckles.

Not wasting another second, Jaemin pushes the lace out of the way and inserts one finger. You gasp, holding onto him for support as your knees weakened at his touch.

“Let me make it up to you,” he bites on your earlobe before adding a second finger.

He starts pumping, setting his own pace and removing any tiredness you felt from having to wait for him all night. When he curls his fingers you’re sent into nirvana, and when he starts sucking on your neck on the spot he knows you like, you couldn’t help but let a moan slip.

Jaemin’s hand clamps over your mouth. His eyes had had adjusted to the dark and he could see your expression. You stare at him with wanting eyes and it’s enough for him to keep going, fastening the pace.

When the knot in your stomach tightens, you claw on Jaemin’s back and he picks up on the signal and hoists you onto the counter before lowering himself and pulling the lace down all the way. You spread yourself, awaiting him and when he presses his mouth to your heat. You're immediately thrown into a whole other world, tangling your fingers in his hair and gasping for air with each time you feel his tongue trace your folds. Soon enough, you were releasing onto him and Jaemin was lapping it up clean.

As you came down from your high he’d gotten up and was watching you with a satisfied smile on his face.

“Fuck,” you manage to say, too dumbed out to make out any other words to explain what you felt.

You feel him kiss your forehead before he whispers to you again, “We gotta go,”

You nod, gulping and try to compose yourself. You grab a box of cereal blindly in case Jeno and his friends were already awake and would be suspicious of them before following Jaemin to the door. He gives you another kiss before pulling the door open.

Just as you’d suspected, your brother had just gotten up from the couch and was walking in at the same time you’d gotten out. He looked at you both skeptically, but his hangover probably made it hard for him to process anything. He takes a seat and yawns. The rest of the boys enter the room after him.

“That’s my cereal,” Jeno points out at the Frosty Flakes you were carrying. Jaemin had taken his seat and continued eating the pancake he left like he wasn’t just eating something else a minute ago.

“Jaemin said he wanted some. So I showed him where it was,” you shrug before placing it on the table and grabbing your plate of half-eaten pancake. “Seeya,” you tell them, but it was directed to Jaemin.

“Seriously, do you take your brother for such an idiot to think he doesn’t suspect anything between us?” Jaemin sighs.

You could hear his heart beating steadily, finally calming down after the strenuous activity you’d just done. You have your head resting on his chest and you’ve been observing it, the pace and how it seemed to doubled when you traced lines along his arm.

You laugh, “I don’t think he’s an idiot. I find it a little fun to be hiding something from him,”

Jaemin didn’t find it fun at all. To him it felt like he was betraying Jeno. You knew how guilty Jaemin feels which is why you’d conjured a little plan. Some would probably say it’s going too far, but you called it a test of love. You knew Jeno had probably figured it out anyway.

“Don’t worry, he’s a big boy. Besides, he always says you’re like a brother to him. So why don’t I make you his brother-in law?”

You sit up to look at the boy in the dim lighting of his room. He looked glorious, basking in the only light source that came through his window from the moon. He brings up a hand to caress your cheek and you felt safe. It felt like home.

“Na Jaemin, what are you doing?”

The voice made Jaemin jump. It wasn’t yours, it was low and thunderous. It was someone he knew all too well, and he knew better than to make up an excuse. He’s been caught, this is it. This day was bound to come anyway.

Jaemin pulls his face away from yours, freezing in his place on your bed and turning his head to the door where sure enough, Jeno was standing. His hands were folded and pissed would be an understatement. Jaemin could see all the veins on his best friend’s arm and neck.

“Now… Jeno-“ Jaemin begins to explain. You watch as he tries to figure out the words to say. He’s calmly walking closer to his friend and has left your side on the bed where not moments ago he was just kissing you in. Jeno looks at him expectedly, waiting for a reason.

“Can we talk outside?” Jaemin quietly asks, but Jeno doesn’t move from his place in the doorway.

“I’d like to talk here,” your brother firmly states.

Jaemin sighs, looking back at you before preparing what he was about to say.

“Jeno I really like Y/N. Screw it, call it love. I'm in love with her and I’m a horrible friend for not telling you but we were going to tell you sooner or later anyway. I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” he sincerely apologizes.

Your lips part, listening to his words. He was taking the blame completely.

“You probably hate the shit out of me but I really like your sister, man. And I want nothing but to treat her with utmost care and give her everything she deserves,” he rambles.

Jeno was staring down at his friend and his eyes look over to you. When you told Jeno that you were dating Jaemin, he flicked your forehead harshly and said “I know. I’m not stupid,”

When you told him about how you wanted to see how Jaemin would react to getting caught, you didn’t need to ask twice. Jeno was onboard and wanted to do it as soon as possible. It was a good thing you went ahead and told him beforehand because if you hadn’t, Jaemin might have gotten something more than a flick on the forehead.

“And cut,” you say from behind the two boys. Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow together as he steps back and watches Jeno’s expression shift from anger to his regular smile. The boy looked between you siblings in pure confusion and you walk to clasp your fingers together. “You just got pranked, dude,”

“Wait, huh?” exclaims Jaemin. Jeno’s already laughing at this point and you’re cupping Jaemin’s face in your hands lovingly. “I told Jeno last night. I just wanted to see how you’d react,”

“You menaces!” Jaemin yells, pointing his finger between you and your brother.

“God, since we were young. Always pulling the pranks on me,” he huffs with a frustrated look on his face. You replace that with a smile by giving him a quick peck.

“Alright, I’m gonna leave ‘cus that’s gross to watch,” Jeno backs away, patting Jaemin on the shoulder and gesturing to his room down the hall. “Also,” he adds, catching both you and Jaemin’s attention.

“Stop hooking up in the pantry. Jesus Christ, are you guys exhibitionists?”

[standingonceremony]

@gavillain​

// I decided to make this a post instead of a comment reply thingy because jsdkagfsajgfh I have a lot to say

Putting it under a cut so I don’t obnoxiously take up entire feeds

I haven’t roleplayed - or like written at all - in years at this point. I’ve been going through a lot of changes in my life since 2019ish, but thankfully they’ve mostly been good changes. I’m in a job that makes me feel really happy and fulfilled most days, I’ve tackled a lot of my (physical and mental) health issues... so I definitely can’t complain.

I do miss writing though. That’s the one piece I’ve been really feeling like I’ve been missing lately. It’s always been a huge passion of mine, and it’s definitely therapeutic. I’ve also, coincidentally, been getting back into Final Fantasy and gaming in general, so... heeeere’s Ardyn!

I’d LOVE to play with you again! I’m surprised, just at first glance today, how many of my old Tumblr contacts seem to still be around... but YOU. For a while I felt you were one of my best friends, and I’d definitely love to reconnect!

I have a few other muses in mind that I’m thinking of taking on... but I had a nasty habit in the past of getting in too deep with RP and doing so many blogs at once and burning myself out pretty quickly, so I’m just kind of dipping my toe in right now with Ardyn and seeing where it goes. But I’m sure I’ll have other muses to play with soon that may or may not click better with your muses! Though I’m sure Ardyn will fit right in haha

My list of favorite characters and characters I’d want to roleplay have definitely shuffled a lot in recent years so that will be interesting. I’m also heavily considering writing full-fledged stories/fics/whatever on my own, which is something I always struggled with doing before but have always wanted to do. It’s time for me to flex my writing muscles again!! I definitely feel more ready and able to do whole fics than I did back then. I didn’t really have the confidence to write without the safety net of collaboration with someone else, but NOW.... wait ‘til they get a load of me. ;)

I see that you have a team-up villain fic going on. I am definitely going to start reading that this weekend. I browsed some of the “About” stuff and.... Fish Mooney doing her mama bear stuff with Kieran Wilcox as an apprentice is -chef’s kiss- That alone is enough to get me REALLY hyped lmao.

So YEAH I miss you, I miss writing, and I’m back baybeh!