#moving for uni will do stuff to you
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Not me posting my Spotify wrapped way after the hype has died. _(:τ」∠)_
#I know this is the disliking Beatles website but please have mercy on me#listened to a lot of David Bowie while packing and A LOT of Talking Heads while unpacking#partly because I finally watched Stop Making Sense#moving for uni will do stuff to you#the kinks was a bit of a surprise tho#also was not expecting a cars song to be my top song#also that whole Spotify thing with saying what your other top artists are with ‘you romantic you’#I thought it was an intentional pun because my second most played song is by the Romantics#but it’s a coincidence apparently#Spotify wrapped#also apparently I was very sad in February because that was when I most listened to Hozier#which tracks
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mo dao zu shi tarot
the hanged man: pause, surrender, letting go, new perspectives
wheel of fortune | jin guangyao
death | wei wuxian
the tower | jiang cheng
#i was busy lately with uni stuff and also trying to move out from the dorms#but finally you get the next tarot card!!!!#figuring out how to do the talismans as someone who knows no chinese#but also wanting them to look like messy handwriting#it was a bit complicated ngl#so if you have anything to say about the characters i chose or the way I wrote them pls let me know#at first i was unsure whether to do mxy as the hanged man but ultimately here we are#as always feel free to text me any major arcana cards or character recomendations you'd like to see#or just message me to infodump about tarot since i still don't know much and am learning as i draw and any help is appreciated#mo xuanyu#mxy#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#tarot#fanart#mxtx#the untamed#rosi draws
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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speaking of which…. one day i’ll let you all in on my lyall/james au which is the sweetest most boring ship i’ve ever created
#james peaked in high school but stayed in his hometown#his friends go to uni and move#he starts spending lots of time with lyall#they drink tea and lyall teaches him to chop wood and other boring Man Stuff#and then james kisses him#and lyall looks at him with pleading eyes and says ’if you want us to go steady we’ll have to tell remus first’#<- and they do#its a whole thing#but remus doesnt really even have a problem with it weirdly enough#like he finds it fucking Weird#and when james goes to visit remus and sirius at uni and is flirted with remus will say ’there’s no point hes sleeping with my dad’#<- it becomes and inside joke :/#anyway..#lyalljames#this also has widower lyall btw
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oh yeah i went to a uni open day and allergies decided to pummel me in a rather quiet room with over a hundred other people during a law course presentation when i had ONE tissue that had previously been a bookmark. i only sneezed four times but my right eye and nostril could NOT stop watering i gave in and used my sleeve and it got absolutely soaked in snot 😭😭
#anyway the uni was pretty whelming but i got some useful info about ways to get into the course i want if i don't qualify initially#and some actually really useful info about a lot of work opportunities during the degree. there's an on campus law practice :0#and a lot of places offer jobs through the uni instead of putting them on market#so pretty good stuff#tho i did see my almost-ex (we never really dated but he liked me and i humoured it for a couple days before i realised i did not like him)#and he was pissing me off there i dont feel strongly negatively but man i do not fw him#oh man we're tumblr mutuals hi if you see this.... i would block but i forgot his URL. dont think he uses this often?? ill have a look#and maybe block. yeah#update i scrolled through my tumblr messages to find him and it says his blog does not exist#anyway. wow i got off topic#oh yeah i didnt fw him during our short ideal either#bc i was all uhh yeah im not sure about this lets take it slow bro did NOT take it very slow#anyway it was kind of funny he very obviously liked me for weeks before i caught on it he said 'i like you' and i still did not realise#on halloween he was eager to suggest doing the lady and the tramp spaghetti move on a pocky stick as a 'challenge' and i thought nothing of#it#so that was a cool insight into how oblivious i am in the romance department
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I think australian high schools are treated the same way usamerican colleges are
#okay hear me out#universities differ based on what degrees they offer but every uni here is good for something#whereas it’s what high school you go to that influences your leaving mark and people get all weird about those#to the point where literal 10 year olds are doing tests and stuff to try get into the best school or a scholarship to a private one#what area you’re in (as in for which school) legitimately influences house prices as parents will move into the area just for a school#and idk some of these things seem to be similar to what usamericans do for colleges#and idk lowkey. at least in those situations the kids are 17-18 rather than 10-12#like we’re pretty chill about universities. but at what cost?#fuck the whole system honestly I’m sick of watching jt#and as for the leaving mark. it kinda influences what degree you can get into. but you can basically get in anyway if you don’t get it#you just have to do a year of something else first. idk why people don’t get it
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what do you plan to do with your degree after uni?
FUCK NASTY!!!
#if i ever touch economics again it's a cry for help like i cannot stress enough how fucking pointless this degree is gonna be#okay deep breath im only being so negative bc im balls deep in exam season. it's a GOOD degree i DONT REGRET MY DEGREE#this will be EXCEPTIONALLY helpful when i go into the working world i am EMPLOYABLE bc of my DEGREE#like economics is a VERY versatile subject there arent many areas of work that econ doesnt apply to in some way#so i KNOW it's a really good degree to have and i can kinda do what i want afterwards#but oh my fucking god. jesus christ. bloody fucking hell#i do however know that in the immediate year after my degree im gonna move back home and waitress full time#bc i just need to like. take some time off education and recover LMAO and i want a space to just tick some boxes i never got round to#like learning how to drive and stuff. and living without having rent to pay in a place im very familiar with will be good#even if i do think it's gonna have it's own struggles. oh hometown blues we're really in it now#but yeah after that year im thinking about maybe doing a masters? but ill have to proper blag it bc you typically have to do#masters in subjects relevant to your degree and i dont want to go within a radiation exclusion zone of economics#so. there's that. do u think if i say please somewhere will let me do a classics masters be honest. if i say pretty please#ask#hella goes to uni
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i've been really struggling the last few days with just... doing shit. getting up to go to the toilet. reaching beside me to take a drink of water. eating when i'm hungry. figuring out if i'm hungry/thirsty/in need of anything else particular. i want to tidy the house because it really fucking needs it. i want to fold clothes because i need to find them. i want to be in a space that's pleasant to be in. i want to eat. i want to go out in the fresh air. i want to read any one of my unfinished or unstarted books. i want to play a videogame. i want to reply to rp. i don't. i sit. i stare at the screen. i feel my brain oozing sluggishly. i might be getting a headache. i don't move. i don't look away from the screen except to stare at the wall. i think about all the things i want to do. i think about all the things i should be doing. i don't feel any particular emotion. my stomach growls. i think about getting a snack. i scroll another six posts on tumblr. i stare at the wall. i haven't opened my mouth or made a sound in an hour, two hours, more. i want to play my ukulele. i want to listen to music. i want to watch a movie. i stare. i sit. i lose thoughts halfway through having them. i forget birthdays. i forget plans made two days ago. i forget to make myself a snack. i forget to talk to my friends. i forget promises i've made. i forget who i owe rp replies to. i forget due dates. i sit i sit i sit i sit i sit.
sometimes i get really sick of me.
#AND I'M NOT EVEN LIKE. DOING BAD AT THE MOMENT#work is fucking exhausting#but i've basically finished uni#i have a holiday coming up#i'm on top of things for the most part!!!!#i got decent sleep last night. i've been doing stuff with my friends. i've been getting exercise.#and yet and still and unfortunately. i sit#like i say a lot of stuff off handedly about almost definitely having undx adhd#and looking through old school reports recently. yeah. lmao.#lizzy is poorly organised lizzy doesn't hand things in lizzy always seems distracted#lizzy took a textbook home and forgot to bring it back for weeks#lizzy is a pleasure to have in class for like four specific classes and lizzy is not living up to her potential in all the others#i can't move i can't relax i waste so much TIME#and yes. i am making this post instead of doing literally anything useful. thank you#raargh
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if i dont move to nyc or london or paris by age 27 what is the point of anything
#i looooove my city so much you guys like if i wasnt who i am (queer) rn i would be so fucking glad that i am in my current city but#i loooove art and history and fashion and stuff and this citymight be about second best for all that but its still soo crowded#people WILL judge no matter what you wear something cutesy and people dont shut up especially when ur 16 and tagging along with your mom to#the mall or something and everyone just stares and even among your classmates ive been complimented so many times#for my unique style or whatever (aka i have beaded shoelaces and wear lots of jewelery and absurd ass eyeliner) and theyre like oh#n******** is so fancy itni stylish bandi hai woh and its so attention grabbing but i dont want it to be a big deal !!!#i want to like 20 badges and wear insane makeup and dye my hair without calling much attention to myself!!!#of course i know that will change slowly as you go in to uni and meet ppl of your type instead of a bazaar market and youll pick ur own#friends who r like minded but considering this is india how many people can you truly find.#also my next two years are going to be spent in a college for jee and neet kids#you can wear what you want theres no dress code but you have to appear serious studious and simple if you want to be taken seriously#elle woods at harvard law type#i asked my mom to get an industrial & second lobe piercing and actual dyed hair and shes like turn twenty get into a good college then do#not bc she minds she allowed me to get my hair dyed at age 13 but to go in th college im going to there is SO SO much rigour#and if you dont show yourself as professional and shit they will keep you in lower effort self study classes instead of best of the best#i KNOW how difficult moving abroad is bc my family does not have that money i need to do it myself its so so expensive bc the money#itself has such a high value compared to here (you see americans cribbing abt 30$ hourly wage but here that is 2500inr)#2500 inr is as much as an expensive pair of jeans here. expensive clothes here r 30$ and in usa its 300$ . see the diffence#im changing topics so much but sometimes i do feel this place is suffocating#its a priviledge i have that i can even think about going abroad comapred to other indians but still#dp you get what i mean#and ik movies and all are very romanticised so it might not even be this way in western cities and just an idealisation but still#if things change around here then the entire question of going anywhere is out the window anyway#smalltown boy will byers moment#dni if you read all this and plan on replying unless ur a close mutual (close mutuals u know who u are)#also if someone says why would you want to go to usa uk paris when they colonised your country shut up <3 shut up very much <3
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“a sicks’ dream come true; coming soon to fanfic channels near you”
#presenting my cursed sleep-deprived brainworm of the day: nagisa gets sold to ft4 for uni fees#or well. more like they’re looking for a live-in assistant dude. thing. or sth. idk#and papa shiranami just sells his son off bc ‘hey it’s literal free real estate!!! plus he’s gonna get paid for the entire deal so why not?’#nagisa initially pitches a fit at his dad a la gamushara yelling scene bc ‘dad!!!!!! how could you just sell me off to some strangers?!!!!’#‘shhhh son; think of the free housing. in ✨t o k y o✨. stuff’s expensive there yk’ ‘but still!!!!!’#so nagi sulkily packs his bags and heads out; trying to motivate himself with thoughts of ‘hey at least i’ll get to see hiyori more often’#then he arrives at the train station and sees our favourite 5-man non-idol gang… and promptly passes out#when he comes to… poor guy finds himself right smack in the middle of a hugeass canopy bed#with dai sitting smugly by the side like ‘the great me carried you back mans. you’re welcome ;)’ with a tip of his cool fedora#and that’s when nagi realises that 1) it’s not a dream and that he actually has to live with his oshis now. and 2) damnnnn this bed is soft#cohabitation shenanigans happen. as they would seeing as the entire gang + rio’s niece live together in this oddly huge megu-owned penthouse#plus free bi-weekly vacations to megu’s family villa bc they can never spend a waking moment without each other#and nagi finds it strange that the group is oddly accomodating of his uni schedule when it concerns his job tasks and such…#or that they collab with lxl (hi hiyori!!!) way more than they should typically be…#but he brushes it off when rio asks him to cook with him or sth idk i mean how often do you get to cook with your oshi????#and idk eventually the jig is up and it’s revealed that hiyori was the one who was accidentally behind the whole thing#like a ‘sorry nagisa i told uchida that you’d be moving here too but lxl were there the entire time and they went and got ft4 to buy you’#or something kinda thing. idk. bc everything has to be lxl’s fault; even when they’re just lurking in the bg#i’m def gonna regret this later lmao. it’s almost 2.30 in the am; i have not written in months; and i’ve never read a sold to 1.d. fic ev er#this is the kind of cosmic horror that only sleep-deprived brains can cook up ig…….. oh wells#it is suiyoubi my dudes#the dude from gamushara
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i am so beyond tired beyond burnout, i went out for coffee this morning and when i placed my order, the barista so gently asked “would you like an extra shot of espresso in that? it’s on the house” and i almost cried. people good sometimes
#that extra shot did me good too#this whole internship has been a race between me finishing and my chronic illness getting more and more severe and#it’s down to the wire and they’re neck and neck#i started my last week of my last rotation by fainting for the first time in over five years since before i resumed school before my surgery#it’s real bad over here 🥹#BUT me n books had a good conversation about how to better support each other and they’ve been here for me which has been nice#but i don’t LIKE asking for help and relying on other people like this so i’m gonna have to make Getting Better my summer project this year#which will be hard bc the summer depression hits harder at this lower latitude but#i’m gonna do my best. and i won’t have school! for the first time in so long i won’t have school 😶#i’m so excited to get back into RECREATIONAL learning. just for me. because i like it and i’m curious and that’s good for me#me n Books are planning to move in together around the end of the summer and i was like#Every few months i’ll have to tell you what i’m thinking about studying next so you can pick what you’d most want to hear me infodump about😂#it’ll be fun! i already have a rabies lesson plan ready to go (downloaded the most recent textbook on it for free from the uni library 😎)#but i also have good resources to learn about the chemistry and oropharyngeal physiology of taste/flavor AND#i found a great book on ancient meso/american cuisine#plus i’ve flagged so many MOOCs for later. about all kinds of stuff#ANYWAY. it’s been a rough couple weeks/months/years but the end is like. right here. i just have to finish
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.
#I was just in the shower (yes at 2 am because this is uni we don’t take showers before midnight we die like men) and I was suddenly struck#with this memory of this time at the end of my senior year where this guy in my dance company who I had known for like four or five years#but had barely exchanged two sentences with suddenly referred to me as ‘dearest sweetest of Vals’…but only to ask me to grab him a water#bottle 💀#and I thought it was a little weird but I moved on until like the next day I found out that he had broken up with his girlfriend the week#before and I was like was he trying to do something there?? or was he just being weird?? likely the latter but still that timing was a bit#strange that’s all I’m saying#anyway filing it in my collective pile of evidence to support the fact that every interaction I’ve had with a guy with romantic (or#potentially romantic) subtext has been objectively weird#I’d really like to disprove my conviction that my life is a dark romantic comedy and I’m the butt of every joke but ladies the evidence is#MOUNTING.#the only thing I’ll say about the guy who is the greatest evidence for this is that it involved a) a debate about the early church and#communism b) The Wingfeather Saga and c) him writing poetry comparing me to a rock#you can’t make this stuff up folks
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I went to a school to test some kids today for my thesis and the teacher who received me and talked to me while we waited for the headmaster was the nicest person 💕💕💕
#he was like ‘ah what are you doing for your thesis’ and we started talking and he has a philosophy degree and we like debated about#psychology and philosophy and education and stuff#and he was so interesting and also sooo nice he kept like saying ‘wow I’m really enjoying your ideas and your perspective’#and then he was also super nice when I needed a place to test the kids in and he like helped me move chairs and tables and get the kids from#their classes#then I had to stay there over lunch time and he was like adamant that I must eat and that the school could give me food and I didn’t have to#go out and buy anything but I had to tell him no bc my stomach is sooo sensitive I couldn’t eat (and also I’m a picky eater aksjjdd)#and he was like so worried that I would faint that i would be hungry or thirsty etc#and then when I finished he insisted on walking me out of the school and to a main avenue — because the school is in this kind of ‘unsafe/#dangerous’ area and I was like ‘thank you but you don’t have to’ bc he had helped so much#but he wouldn’t hear of it so he did walk me and I was so grateful bc a) I have THE worst sense of direction so I was going to get lost#and b) it was a really long way to the main avenue and I was glad for the company to distract myself of how tired and hungry I actually was#and lastly he told me that he really wanted to come to my thesis presentation whenever I did it because he was really impressed by how well#i articulated myself and how interesting my subject was which was so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#idk it was really like such a heartwarming thing he was just SO incredibly nice and made a day that could’ve been sooo tiring a lot better#uni#personal
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#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me#bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer#and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on !#unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. '#and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out#and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like#' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that#but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to???#and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand??#also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me '#or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever#and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance#which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away#like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!!#oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2#or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too '#and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs?#or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours#anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie?#so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again!#i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me#and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening????#anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me
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sorry for Ranting On Main™️, I just need to get this out of my system, feel free to ignore
#would literally be sooo cool if my family could stop being patronizing/borderline condescending#treating me like a child is getting old very fucking quickly. my mom always jokes how glad I'll be once I [finally] move out and it's like.#''ok but what if it wasn't a joke'' (internally anyway)#telling me what to do & not do with MY money like I'm not a fully grown adult is so......#like yes I've made financially questionable decisions before. but never before fighting myself for DAYS on whether or not I really want it#stop treating me like I'm 5 challenge (impossible)#and also acting like I'm lazy just bc you don't see me doing uni stuff like.. idk I work my ass off for those grades but go off I guess...#even then. I'm allowed to take breaks. I'm allowed to lie down and nap when I have headaches that refuse to go away. I have FEELINGS man...#being ridiculed for expressing said feelings & being sensitive is really Not It either like newsflash all this does is make me hate u <3#I feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg but#shit like this is a big part of why 1. I haven't come out to anyone irl & 2. I refuse to voice my 'neurodivergence theory' out loud#because I know I wouldn't get taken seriously!! I fucking KNOW it!! and it sucks!!!#tw toxic family#tw negativity#(trying to not fall into the mindset of ''but others have it so much worse''....)#I don't particularly expect/want pity from anyone btw. I'm just really frustrated and don't want to bottle it up anymore
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flabbergasted???
#ok so i got a call from my friend saying like. were waiting for u and I realised i had a house viewing so i rushed there#and it turned out the bumped up the rent to 1k a month for a tiny flat. dead and dying. anyway i got an uber back and the#driver was like oh are u a student ?? im a professor. and hr proceeded to do a fast track how i ended up in this situation moment#his wife was studied medicine at my university and became a heart surgeon and he was doing cool poltiics...reporting stuff and then his#son also wanted to do medicine so they moved back. his wife who was now a heart surgeon died of a heart attack#and then he realised the uni asks for like 50k a yr for med school for international students#so now he has to drive an uber while also teaching at the uni to make ends meet#he then proceeded to have simultaneously the best and worst takes ever#he fundamentally misinterpreted philosophy as a discipline and he was like hobbes was right bc humans are by nature corrupt. im driving#next to the white guidelines bc the state has to give us guidance bc otherwise wed be instigators of chaos. etc etc but then he was also#like marx and the hegelian tradition are cool. and he gave me a whole lecture on parliamentary systems and then he was like#today the courses arent rigorous enough and you guys are being taught everything superficially etc etc and then he gave me soooo much#tea on the politics faculty and the press#anyway yh#reeling#also going to manchester tmrw to have a fight w their philosphers apparently#I think [chroma blue] will come to see me on sat if i dont get to kiss them on the neck i will literally die#personal#lol anyway the house thing has me rly sad bc i cant possibly come up w that money but its so so perfect but the person#before me who viewed the house is likely to bump up that offer way more bc she said. and i quote#money is not an object#like ok babez ♡
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