#mourning never comes

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

Astrid, when the Night Mother is brought to the Sanctuary: Damn girl, you're looking uncanny and just a little off in a way I can't put my finger on but I just know something isn't quite right.

[tafiir-dovahkiin]

Sometimes I wonder if this could fix me…

[thedemocraticallyelectedovahkiin]

Mourning never comes

I started this episode by travelling back to our farm in order to grab all the gear needed and to collect farm profits as well as level up our archery skill from Faendal. I also made sure to collect the current crop of ingredients and proceeded to make potions from it. This allowed our character to level up before setting off to Markarth. I used a horse and cart to trave to Markarth stables where I equipped the Steel staff of war in preparation to kill Weylin and save Margret (to get the free necklace from her mainly). Upon doing this Eltrys aproached my character and gave me a note to read. I then entered the Silverblood inn and talked to Muiri where she gave me the contract to kill Alain Dufont with the optional kill of Nilsine Shatter-Shield. I stopped by Windhelm to complete the optional kill of Nilsine first. I did this by equipping the staff of fury and firing it at her while sneaking. Both to avoid the bounty and to get the guards and townsfolk to kill her. Then I travelled towards Raldbthar with the Goblin totem staff equipped.

I used this to help clear the outside of the area of bandits before swapping to the Forsworn staff once inside. I then snuck my way around to kill the bandits inside on my way to Alain. To ensure I used several of my staffs I changed it up so with every two enemies dead I used a new staff. The other staffs used here were the staffo frostbite and the staff of Jyrik Gauldurson. To get to Alain I opted to sneak above him and the two bandits by him in order to fire the Dwemer ballistae at them, while the ballistae took out his guards i did however have to fight him myself although that was rather easy to do. I then returned to Muiri to tell her both Alain Dufont and Nilsine Shatter-Shield were dead and she gifted me with Muiri's ring before I returned to Astrid and completed the quest.

Quests:

quest lines active: Before the Storm (main), Scoundrel's Flly (thieves guild), Good Intentions (college of winterhold), Whispers in the Dark (dark brotherhood), Bloodlines (dawnguard)

quests started: The Grey Cowl of Nocturnal, A Soul Divided, The Rising Dead, Forbidden Legend, Guest for Dinner, Hendraheim, No Stone Unturned, Dawnguard, The Break of Dawn, When the Cat's Away

mic quests: learn more about the thieves guild from Delvin and Vex, return the queen bee statue to Delvin,return honingbrew decanter to Delvin, join the Imperial legion, join the Stomcloaks, Talk to the companion leaders for work, speak to the Jarl of Falkreath, speak to Constance Michel about adoption, participate in a drinking contest with Sam Guenvere, Bring a Dwarven arrow to Calcemo, visit the museum in Dawnstar, Find gold ore a mammoth tusk and a flawless sapphire for Madesi, Read Eltry's note

Places Discovered:

Markarth stables

Markarth

Raldbthar

Enchantment's learned:

Paralyze

Stamina damage

Fortify alchemy

Spells learned:

N/A

Shouts learned:

N/A

Apparel:

Head: Dwarven crown of Winter (Increases your stamina by 40 points. One-handed attacks do 15% more damage. Two-handed attacks do 15% more damage. Stamina regenerates 10% faster.), Silver helmet, Scaled Helmet of Eminent Magicka (Increases your Magicka by 50 points.), Scaled helmet, Fine hat, Shrouded hood (sneaking is 25% better)

Body: Ward of Seasons (Increases Fire Resistance by 10%. Increases Frost Resistance by 10%. Increases Shock Resistance by 10%. Increases Poison Resistance by 10%.), Steel armour, Thieves guild armor (carrying capacity increased by 20 points), Scaled armour, Fine clothes, Shrouded robes (destruction costs 15% less to cast)

Hands: Steel Plate gauntlets, Thieves guild gloves (lockpicking is 15% easier), Orcish scaled gauntlets, Gloves, Shrouded hand wraps (Double sneak attack damage with one-handed weapons)

Feet: Dwarven boots of waning fire (Increases fire resistance by 30%), Steel soldier boots, Thieves guild boots (pickpocket success is 15% better), Scaled boots, Boots, Shrouded shoes (Wearer is muffled and moves silently)

Shields: Dwarven shield of dwindling magic (Increases Magic Resistance by 15%.), Falmer Shield, Elven Shield

Amulets: Amulet of Arkay (Increases health by 10 points), Amulet of Dibella (+15 Speechcraft), Amulet of Kynareth (Increases your Stamina by 10 points), Amulet or Stendarr (Block 10% more with your shield), Amulet of Talos (Time between shouts is reduced 20%) Saarthal amulet (Spells cost 3% less to cast), Gauldur amulet fragment (Increases magicka by 30 points), Gauldur amulet fragment (Increases health by 30 points)

Rings: enchanted ring (Increases health by 20 points), Muiri's ring (Created potions are 15% more powerful)

Weapons:

Forsworn bow

Crossbow

Orcish battleaxe

Dwarven greatsword

Elven warhammer

Ebony war axe

Dwarven mace

Honed Flamer sword

Dragon Priest dagger

Staffs:

Staff of Jyrik Gauldurson(Target takes 25 points of damage, and twice as much Magicka damage)

Staff of Magelight(Ball of light that lasts 60 seconds and sticks where it strikes)

Goblin totem staff (Lightning bolt that does 40 points of shock damage to healt and half to magicka, then leaps to a new target)

Staff of Sparks (Lightning that does 8 points of shock damage to health and magicka per second)

Steel staff of War (Elemental damage that does 4 points per second to health, magicka and stamina. Targets on fire take extra damage)

Staff of the Familiar (Summons a familiar for 60 seconds whereber the caster id pointing)

Wooden Staff of Shaming (Creatures and people up to level 8 flee from combat for 60 seconds)

Staff of Fury (Creatures and people up to level 4 will attack anything nearby for 60 seconds)

Forsworn Staff of Flames (A gout of fire that does 8 points per second. Targets on fire take extra damage)

Staff of Calm (Creatures and people up to level 8 won't fight for 30 seconds)

Staff of Frostbite (A blast of cold that does 8 points of damage per second to Health and Stamina)

Scrolls:

Scroll of Firestorm x3 (A 75 point fiery explosion centered on the caster. Does more damage to closer targets)

Scroll of Blizzard (Targets take 20 points of frost damage for 10 seconds, plus Stamina damage)

Scroll of Dread Zombie (Reanimate a weak dead body to fight for you for 60 seconds)

Scroll of Ice Spike (A spike of ice that does 15 points of frost damage to health and stamina)

Scroll of Circle of Protection (Undead up to level 8 entering the circle will flee)

Scroll of Ice Storm (A freezing whirlwind that does 50 points of frost damage per second to health and stamina)

Scroll of Fireball (A fiery explosion for 50 points of damage in a 15 foot radius. Targets on fire take extra damage)

Scroll of Cure Wounds (Heals the caster 100 points)

Scroll of Guardian Circle (Undead up to level 35 entering the circle will flee. Caster heals 20 health per second inside it)

Scroll of Candlelight (Creates a hovering light that lasts for 60 seconds)

Scroll of Chain Lightning (Lightning bolt that does 50 points of shock damage to Health and half to Magicka, then leaps to a new target)

Scroll of Firebolt (A blast of fire that does 15 points of damage. Targets on fire take extra damage)

When polling please be aware bows and two handed weapons will be included in the right hand poll while crossbows, staffs and shields are in the left. Also I have decided to implement a new rule where if an option is chosen twice in a row for the next two polls it will be left out of rotation. This is just to help to encourage us to mix up what we do a bit more.

[helgiafterdark]

[vvanillavveins]

Is she Lucy Westenra, or is she just a vessel for the writer's barely disguised fantasy of a women being punished for her promiscuity? Is she really"Bram Stoker's" Lucy Westenra: a naive, innocent 19 year old, with a cheery personality and a bright future ahead of her? Or has the writer instead just slapped her name on an OC that behaves nothing like her, and- with none of the grace or decorum that Lucy's tragically short story deserves- sexualized her slow and agonising death as much as possible, whilst very unsubtly doing their best to blame her for being murdered, so that we won't object to her being killed again later in an even more gruesome and sexual manner?

[royalarchivist]

Bad: I don’t think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with — like your best friend — BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what that’s like?

Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.

Bad: I’m not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, it was just that fun.

Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.

This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

———

Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, like– but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...

Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chat– here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:

I don’t think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy I’ve given to every person who I’ve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebody– [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?

Anyway– Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I said–  I was giving them an analogy. 

Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you were… playing Minecraft, with like– you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, “Hey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies – they’re currently your best friend, Chip – but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.” Can you imagine what that’s like, Chip?

I don’t think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? I’m not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but it– Chip – but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where you’re second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! You’re thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And that’s the problem, Chip– is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you don’t understand Chip– I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chip– mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But here’s the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. I’m genuinely like–

I remember thinking Chip, that I would one day– I was like, “I’m going to move past–” here, let’s go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, “I’m gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like I’ll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesn’t have to be underground.” But I don’t think it’s possible now Chip, because I think… I just don’t know. I feel like the paranoia– there’s still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.

But here’s the problem Chip: I don’t think I don’t think– I don’t think people understand it. Like, I just really don’t. But I also don’t blame them Chip, ‘cuz I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand it if you haven’t lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMP… I’m talking about the QSMP, I don’t- I don’t know if that was obvious– if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I don’t think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, it’s just one of those things that–

[He’s interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]

Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming out…? But anyway, Chip. That’s the food for thought.

But that’s the problem– Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But that’s the point– I’m not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. 

[He falls down] Dangit, don’t come over here Chip, ‘cuz I’m coming back up! Ok.

I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering  and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wi– I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.

Because… because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, like– it’s sort of emotionally like… It’s emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through that– and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to a– see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, I’ll talk it over with them and be like, “Hey, what do you think about this?” Because I genuinely think on one level, like– it’s created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, it’s- it’s a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.

Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still like– there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.

But at the same point, I don’t regret it, and I don’t think it was a bad experience. I’m– 

Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that you’re like, “You know what, maybe this wasn’t a good thing that this happened,” but at the same point, you still aren’t necessarily upset about it, because… it’s like growing as a person, right? Here’s the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Like–

Even if you’re going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesn’t mean that only bad things have to come from that. That’s one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be that– you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think there’s a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, you’re not the only person who’s experienced it. You know what I mean?

[cosmicredcadet]

I wholeheartedly believe that the last thing that should be said in response to aspecs hating their identity is "don't worry! Aspecs can still do X, Y, and Z" and I'm so fucking serious about this.

The least helpful thing you can do to someone who have not accepted their aspec identity yet is give them ways to compensate for it. If an aspec person is upset over not being able to enter a romantic relationship, the last thing that should be done is to tell them they can still enter one or instead enter a QPR - not because that's not true but because that is quite literally going to stunt their ability to accept their aspec identity. Telling them they can instead enter a QPR when they're upset over the lack of romantic relationships is at MOST a bandaid for the main issue. Instead of them coming to accept their identity and accept who they are you have instead handed them an amatonormative alternative on a silver platter that allows them to pretend they still fit into amatonormativity without every deconstructing it. This is how we get QPRs getting shoved into an amatonormative framework - these people NEVER got over the "I'm sad that I'm aspec" phase because they were handed alternatives instead of given actual support in deconstructing their internalized aphobia, self hatred, and amatonormative biases.

[azucarera-art]

when u, a queen, come across another king, & u discuss how best to maximize ur joint slay 💅🏽✨

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I want it back / I drag its dead weight forward.

[soupysundae]

🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

[prlssprfctn]

I've been brewing this post for far too long in my drafts, but I need more doomed!Bruce and Jason throughout universes. And it is not even always about the same Jaybin, dying in the warehouse scenarios!

Sometimes Jason is just a kid, who died in front of Batman, who maybe jumped in between Batman and the villain recklessly, to keep him safe, and whose blood stuck under Bruce's nails. His face haunts him in nightmares, still.

In other realities, Bruce meets Jason as a teen, and they never even get to become father and son officially - but they slowly get into each other's lives, until something awful happens, leaving a ghost of a smirking kid stroll behind Bruce's hunched figure for the rest of his life.

Or maybe it is one of these realities, where Jason crawls out of the Alley Crime himself, and manages to become famous in Gotham; the one, where he opens a charity fond, dedicated to people, who fight with the drug addiction. Bruce Wayne is sympathetic of a kid he meets during some of the events, and as they slowly start contacting each other more often, getting closer, he promises himself to protect him. Expect, Batman is late to save Jason Todd from the hands of yet another villain.

It could be the priest Jason Todd that meets bleeding out Batman on the stairs of the church, and who helps him out, for what he later pays with his life. Or they are not really vigilantes in any of these universes - just father and son.

And in some of these universes, they reconcile. In one of them, some of the medics connect the dots that a catatonic boy, who is covered in dirt, calling for his dad, for Bruce is Bruce's Wayne dead son, and try calling him. In another, LoA!Jason with his memory still being in a haze, crosses his path with Batman, before getting dipped in the Lazarus Pit.

But the point stands.

In all of them, Bruce Wayne is too late. In all of them, Bruce Wayne fails to save Jason Todd.

[vaguely-concerned]

I have so many thoughts I (ironically) can't put into words yet about the use of heightened and ritualized poetic language and phrases in connection to magic in Nevarra (or possibly within the mourn watch?). they don't default to an ancient language for it like tevinter predictably seem to, and while they do have a whole scholarly language for the academic side of it -- when they're actually casting it and interacting with the dead, they speak in common but through poetry and metaphor in ways we haven't seen any other culture do. maybe the avvar, as the closest, just in a different literary tradition. they speak to the dead, but in a living language. ingellvar rook gets a bit defensive and even reproachful during emmrich's recruitment quest when the other companion makes some sort of comment to question it. 'it's watcher tradition! >:('

'Open your hearts to the final day, companion of all the ages'. even a rook who doesn't take the almost religious element of the role of watcher as seriously knows that one by heart no matter what you make them say during walking the graves. when myrna in so many words says that the necropolis is still rook's home, the way they agree with her is simply to quote 'A home in life, a berth in death...' and her smoothly finishing the thought with 'a house of many mansions'. there are several times with emmrich where rook answers something he says just by quoting from some watcher text they both clearly know well. (if you do this to weasel out of answering when he asks if you're afraid of dying, he is understandably peeved you're quoting watcher 101 stuff at him, and rook clearly knows exactly what they're doing.) this shared base of literature -- and more than that a kind of oral tradition, it sounds like? it's just What You Say when you do certain things, do you think half of this is even written down anywhere? this shared inheritance of language making for a feeling of belonging and continuity is beautiful and moving in a way but also. a bit cold and distant, all mind and no body connection. which I feel might be a running theme around the necropolis haha they mainly seem to have interest in bodies once life has vacated them, they don't give that much thought to what makes it feel good to be in one while you're here. we can only imagine the psychological effects of growing up a crypt baby in this particular cultural milieu.

you know what it reminds me of a little bit in places, actually? the way the qun uses language and set phrases to convey layers of meaning. the qunari are an oddly poetic bunch. and I think there's also something here about like... cultures whose religious side are more about philosophy and the language used than an idea of the divine as such. yeah nevarra is technically andrastian, at least on the surface, probably largely for reasons of 'ugh it would be SO inconvenient to have an exalted march called on us :/ some of us have real shit to get on with you know this body isn't going to mummify itself. sure tell orlais we'll join their dumb club or whatever'. but within and beneath that the syncretism with and survival of much older traditions are still so obviously (and double ironically!) alive. how much does your average watcher believe in god, and how much and how immediately do they believe in the grand necropolis, and in their duty to what has been, what is and what will come after them -- the quest for knowledge? memento mori ass culture to the point of absent-mindedly forgetting about everything else including god (affectionate). maybe the maker exists, but he's just not that relevant down here. he may take the souls, but we still tend the graves. render unto the chantry what's the chantry's, and unto the watcher what is theirs!!! really is the whole thing huh

[tafiir-dovahkiin]

LET ME HAVE THE SPINE

but also: what the hell were they doing and when?

[future-supertuna]

this is very in-text but i love that zoro gets attuned to kiku from the get-go not only because of this sword wielder code that he's followed through all extremes of the practice, from brook to kin'emon -- recognizing and respecting all masters -- but because her existence is the solid evidence, the living proof that kuina was wrong

[0vergrowngraveyard]

what if someone actually died during the war and sonic just didn’t react to it because he thinks it’s just one of infinite’s tricks. he’s seen this before. it’ll go away at some point

[ryllen]

pov: me super sad on them altering zayne's ENG voice on the recent update