#mother calamity!

[kalamity-jayne]

Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

[alabasterpickles]

Some more random Botw/Totk/Aoc sketches I WILL post on instagram once I’ve finished another handful I have sitting on procreate!

I’ve got it stuck in my brain that following the events of Age of Calamity the Yiga clan work closely with the castle and I like to think Kohga prides himself on his new promotion

Though he’d never put himself in harm’s way, so I definitely see that third drawing happening on the castle grounds where Zelda is definitely not in any danger

(Also? Daruk and Mipha? Definitely gossip buddies)

I JUST *LOVE* THEM ALL SO. MUCH.

[hotstreak2k3]

Since today is Morher’s day, let us take a look back at these mother figures that raised Princess Zelda well.

Even one of them is alive in an alternate timeline.

May Hylia blessed her for happiness!

[thisbelongsto-nohbodys]

Do the Calamity kids spend Mother's Day with their bio-moms and have their own special activities and gifts, or do they all band together to celebrate all three at once? Or both?

They spend it all together (after breakfast in bed). No matter who's biologically related, they all consider the other their mom/child.

[zelluna]

i just wanted to say something :

I post about urbosa a lot (bc she’s the goat). If you ship zelda x urbosa, please do not interact with me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Urbosa literally held zelda when she was a newborn, like, come on now.

On the flip side, if u ship urbosa x zelda’s MOTHER please please please interact w me im having brainrot about them 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Edit: proshippers in general just dni

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

Bridgerton cast the roles they auditioned for Vs the role they actually got in the end! Y’all see NICOLA oh!

Nicola Coughlan Pen got Pen

Claudia Jessie Pen got Eloise

Jonathan Bailey Simon got Anthony

Luke Newton Simon got Colin

Phoebe Dyvenor 2 roles Pen and ? got Daphne

Calam Lynch Colin got Theo

Hannah Dodd Daphne got Francesca

Luke Thompson Duke got Benedict

and people cry about why she’s the favourite and why she’s the main character face of the whole show like I’m need y’all to be fr no one is on her level no ever reaching her range and versatility all of them combined couldn’t even reach miss face of the 😂 sit down now

I just know on my mothers life Shonda was sob crying thanking her gods on her car on her way home when she got Nicola in that room and said that’s my main character face of my franchise and she was so right! It’s fcgo Shonda always I don’t like her but she really ATE but not really since its really Nicola that devoured that audition effortlessly too she didn’t even try hard because she knew it’s shondaland and there was like 500 other people auditioning for pen so she just said I’m do my best and not force it and Shonda really said you shall be my whole everything an she was right still fcvk Shonda always tho genuinely hate that eh woman

Ofc Nicola fav song on Beyoncé new album is bow down 😂 it’s literally what everyone should be doing every time they see her or go near her! bow down bitc*hes when you are in the presence of your betters!

not Nicola literally talking about having a day or two to prep for pen (in her new video that dropped now 😂 they saw me talking about and said let’s give you the proof for the antis before they jump you best girl) and being the face of one of Netflix biggest show oh she’s so silly love of my life what a legend what a queen! TV

[askthegerudochampion]

Do you feel more protective over the younger two champions + Zelda and Link? Or do you see them as worthy allies dispite their adolescence?

I do feel they are both very capable. and allies worth having.

Although, I can't help but feel somewhat protective of them, especially Zelda. This is a dangerous thing, fighting the Calamity, and they have so much life ahead of them. Such a burden is heavy on anyone's shoulders, but I don't think either of them deserve it.

I have no doubt in my mind, however, that they'll do whatever they can and I will fight my hardest to protect them.

[sokkas-first-fangirl]

Well now, you sure know how to keep a woman waiting, Urbosa laughed. She appeared before him and immediately began to scan him for injuries. None that she could see, but that never meant much with Link; he always had a habit of hiding when he was hurt.

She could see burn scars creeping up his neck. The old scar on his forehead and the other, smaller one on his chin. He looked nearly exactly the same as he did one hundred years ago. The Master Sword was strapped to his back, already shining like a star.

He stared at her, the vague blur of her, with wide eyes. He’d always had such a poker-face before, rarely letting anyone except the Champions see his emotions.

“I’ve got a lot to tell you,” he blurted out. That alone was a surprise; her Link was speaking freely.

Urbosa had vowed to protect the younger Champions. Even before the inauguration ceremony, as soon as she heard how young they were, she vowed to herself that she’d keep them safe. She and Daruk frequently worried about them. How could they keep these teenagers safe during what promised to be an apocalyptic event- if they couldn’t stop it.

They didn’t stop it.

She didn’t protect them.

Urbosa floated closer to Link, reaching out to ruffle his hair, but her hand passed right through him. He twitched and she pulled back, sighing.

I can’t wait to see you take Naboris back from Ganon, she told him. We Gerudo hate unfinished business.

So did Link. She knew that very well.

*

With Riju's help, Link boards Vah Naboris and reunites with Urbosa. But the Thunderblight lies in wait, and freeing the last Champion won't be easy.

[itzurhomiesky]

"Don't leave me yet, mother."

happy mother's day zelda fandom :))

if it wasn't finals week i probably would've done a better ver of this but ehhh 🥲 i lack the time

also sorry for the hiatus!!! i'll be back as soon as school's over hshshshhs

[emicat1159]

No astorvember drawing today again (sorry TwT)

Here's something else instead though

Vaie sought out advice from her friend. It had been nearly five years since a certain someone crossed paths with her, and over time a strange feeling had grown within her. With Reina's help she finally had a name to put to that feeling. Love.

Aka: Queen Reina being the best wingwoman

Idk I just thought a heart to heart between them would be adorable

[radiance1]

Eastern Dragon Danny, but he ends up in BotW/TotK timeline and chills there thinking Aragon would never look for Danny in a medieval fantasy setting

I know naught much of Botw/Totk lore since all I have read are fanfics but I shall try my best I guess?

Botw-

Danny just, doesn't involve himself with anything regarding this new land, like, at all. He mostly keeps to himself and just tries to enjoy life now,

Mostly just discreetly (as much as a dragon can) flying around and doing whatever he wants.

Perhaps he also meets Dinraal, Farosh and Naydra pre-calamity and become somewhat friends? Like, he visits them a bit from time to time and maybe they act a bit parental because Danny just, gives off the feel of a baby dragon.

Probably because he is a baby dragon, but I digress.

When the calamity happens, he's just blindsided because, holy shit what in the ever-loving FUCK just happened? When he went to where he thinks it came from, he saw the castle that he usually pass by whenever he wanders around (out of sight of course) and found it in ruins.

He didn't even have time to properly look at it, because soon enough he was dodging multiple goddamn laser beams, like, he didn't even know they had these here!

Oh, hey there's a pretty light :D

And then there was some Misty black, purple whatever colored dragonlike(?) being appeared and- hoLY SHIT.

The damn thing gunned for him, like, he dodged it but still what in the ever-loving fuck. He was just mining his own business, doing dragon stuff and checking out what was happening over here, what, did he like kill this guy's family in a past life or something.

Gosh he hopes not.

So, he dodges and weaves, accidentally distracting it from the people down below while also sending off some blasts of ectoplasm and ice.

Which didn't do much.

Great.

He was considering just, leaving, because this honestly was not as much as it was worth. Then some girl who looked literally like, 2 years older than him came running up to the castle and then the thing attacking him just straight ignored him and gunned for the girl.

.

Goddamn it.

He flew forward to intercept the thing, chomping down on it and hoping the girl would get the hint to just run. Only for his teeth to just, not catch on anything and instead for him to get overrun.

Pure, unbridled hatred flooded his mind and malice pumped through his veins.

And then he just, didn't remember what happened next all that clearly.

He remembers a light, then the girl disappearing, then him flying away with basically no destination in mind, only knowing that he tried to keep a hatred and malice not his own and finding some secluded place to keep himself away and everyone else away.

Then he literally froze himself and whatever area was around him, and fell into a struggle.

(Idk how to include Totk so uh, just have this I guess.)

[kalamity-jayne]

I wish I could tuck. it just seems to hurt me every time I try and never ends well. I was hoping hormones would help some but they haven't really worked very well and even affected that area.

do you have any advice/guidance? not being able to tuck just makes me feel really bad and miserable and not very girly.

Hi anon!

You’ve come to the right place with this question because I have lots of advice when it comes to the subject of tucking.

When you first start tucking, there’s no getting around the initial discomfort and “pain”. Pushing your testicles up into the inguinal canal and keeping them there takes some getting used to. Now the reason I put “pain” in scare quotes here is because there is some pain when start out doing it but it should be a kind of dull achey pain. Like, if it feels like someone giving your testicles a firm but moderate squeeze, that’s normal. It should never ever feel like a sharp pain! If your tuck is making you wince you need to carefully undo it immediately. If you’re experience a sharp pain there’s a slim chance it could be an anatomical issue (everyone’s bodies are different) but most likely it either has to do with one or several of the following things that can be changed: Technique, Gaff, and testical size. Also, like I said, even without HRT, eventually you do acclimate to how it feels having your testes inside the inguinal canal such that the sensation will hardly even register let alone hurt.

Now, you mentioned being on HRT. I don’t know how long you have been on HRT but with time your testicles will shrink, even if you penis stays roughly the same size. Tucking does get significantly easier the further along you are with HRT. So even if you’re testicle size is currently giving you trouble it almost certainly will not be an issue later on. Eventually the shrinkage should make tucking effortless and easy.

It’s also possible there is something off with your technique. It’s a little difficult for me to imagine how one might do it so incorrectly as to get torsion but I can walk you through my tucking technique. First, I make a peace sign with the index and middle finger, I use those two fingers to push the testes up into the inguinal canal and rest that hand on my pubis mons with the upside down V crook of the peace sign at the base of my penis. Then I gently pull the penis back along the perineum with my other hand, you want to pull it pretty far back but don’t go nuts, you don’t need to pull it all the way back to your anus. As your holding your penis back up against your perineum your testicles should be able to stay inside the canals on their own freeing your index and middle finger to pinch/grab the empty scrotal tissue and roll it up around the shaft of the penis, like nestling a hot dog inside a hot dog bun. I find it helpful to think of the scrotal tissue I’m wrapping around the penis as labia, and it should look vaguely vaginal though that isn’t the point, rather it’s to ensure all the loose fleshy bits end up inside the gusset of your panty so they don’t get pinched. Continue holding all those bits together like that either with the hand you just used to wrap the penis or with your tightly closed legs and pull up the gaff to hold it all in place, move around a bit and adjust accordingly.

And that brings us to Gaffs. Holding it all in place with tape can be painful and ultimately wasteful, so I highly recommend investing in some good gaffs. A gaff is basically like a normal panty but with a few key differences. The are generally made with stretchy but compressive fabrics like, they have a wider gusset (the underside area that would typically cover the vagina or in this case your tucked penis), and they sometimes have some extra padding in the frontal pubis area. In a pinch you can use a swimsuit bottom or double up a pair of normal panties and then wear some tight jeans. There is a way to make a down and dirty DIY gaff out of an athletic sock and panty hose but I can’t vouch for how comfortable that is and it is certainly the least sexy option. Fortunately these days there are a number of good gaff makers out there (Etsy is a great place for this) and there’s almost too many to enumerate here. I recommend trying a few different styles out and seeing what works for you.

However, there is one gaff maker I do want to highlight because I think they are great for someone like you who is still trying to get the hang of it. https://www.etsy.com/shop/LeoLines?ref=l2-about-shopname Now these are def not the sexiest gaffs but they are full proof. These are the gaffs I turn to when I need an ultra secure tuck that won’t need readjusting. I recommend starting the bikini style for going out and about and practicing at home with one in the thong style. The former is easy and if something is less than perfect about your tuck it’s unlikely to be an issue and the latter, because it’s a thong, will help you get the hang of keeping it all tight, particularly with wrapping the penis in the scrotal tissue, because if you don’t do it right it’ll get pinchy pretty quick but you can easily adjust it because your still at home. The other reason I recommend LeoLines as a starter gaff is because of the extra padding in the front and the amount of compression in the fabric which allows you to achieve the tucked effect without actually tucking (a lot of gaff makers will make that claim but it’s mostly BS with the exception being LeoLines). LeoLines also offers swimsuit gaffs and is the only gaff I know of that makes them in children’s sizes (this was a big deal for my trans niece cause she used to do gymnastics and loves to swim and wanted to wear the same stuff the other girls wore).

I also highly recommend every trans girl check Origami Customs! https://origamicustoms.com/collections/all-underthings/products/mesh-gaff-hipster-underwear They have gaffs in every style and size and even to custom fits. But they also have a sizing guid that’s helpful for buying regular underwear! Like, ever wonder why a particular style of panty never seems to fit right? It may not be your size but rather the shape of your butt!

Lastly, it’s very important to exercise a bit a common sense with tucking. It’s really important to take breaks. If your tucked during the day then you need to untuck at night, especially before going to bed. Once you’re farther along with your HRT and the testicles have shrunk this becomes somewhat less of an issue, at least pain-wise. It’s also important to take breaks and give your junk opportunities to air out, especially during the hotter seasons when you’re more prone to sweating. If you do too much tucking and you genitals don’t get any airflow at all, you could contract a fungal infection, ie Jock itch or other kinds of irritation. But if you don’t tuck when you go to bed, and maybe even give your self some time at home to be naked, you’ll be fine. I’ve gone through months long periods of tucking every single day, even at the gym, and never had any issues. I do recommend wearing softer gaffs if you just shaved your bikini area, gaffs like the ones on LeoLines can exacerbate shaving irritation but if you wait till the day after you shaved you’ll be fine.

And that’s basically it for my tucking advice! I hope that helps you anon!

Love,

🌷Mother Calamity🌷

[aufi-creative-mind]

[BotW - TotK: Family and Legacy] Their Fates - WIP Sketches

Sooo... I found these old 2021 WIP sketches that were sitting in my folder for a long time. About what were the fates for each member of Link's family prior, during, and after the Calamity.

...

The Mother, Selene, passes from an illness 11 years prior to the Calamity. Her last days filled with fever dreams and on her last, accepts her fate with hope as her legacy.

The Father, Jun, dies during the Calamity, entombed in the Akkala Citadel after securing the precious secret vaults of Hyrule's knowledge for future legacy. But his last breath were of regret and sorrow.

The Son, Link, gravely injured and emtombed in the Shrine of Ressurection in a purgatory state of prolonged healing. His body slowly repaired but his memories slowly wiped away with time.

The Daughter, Aria, survives the Calamity and now finds herself in the scorched ruined remains of Hyrule. Scarred, alone with a silent anger at the world and the pain it had inflicted on her. But must carry on with this bitter legacy.

...

:')

[nerdsandqueens]

I think Mythal is right.

[zelluna]

Urbosa smashed rhoam’s wife end of story

[gimblerthe]

Happy Mother's Day!

I was told to draw this and immediately decided to because I think this needs to be out in the world. Quick draw instead of something slower pace. Definitely a lot of mistakes here lmao.

I think this is the second or third time I've ever actually drawn Meili. She's supposed to be prominent but then I never actually think about her... Whoops.

Aetia is no surprise being here. She got her elf ears from SOMEONE.

And then Louis is just being Louis in the corner. Prolly thinking about hamburgers or something idk.

Calamitas has too big a heart. It'll hurt her one day.