#mother calamity!

[kalamity-jayne]

Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

[alabasterpickles]

Some more random Botw/Totk/Aoc sketches I WILL post on instagram once I’ve finished another handful I have sitting on procreate!

I’ve got it stuck in my brain that following the events of Age of Calamity the Yiga clan work closely with the castle and I like to think Kohga prides himself on his new promotion

Though he’d never put himself in harm’s way, so I definitely see that third drawing happening on the castle grounds where Zelda is definitely not in any danger

(Also? Daruk and Mipha? Definitely gossip buddies)

I JUST *LOVE* THEM ALL SO. MUCH.

[ltb-oc]

Happy mothers day !!♡

i mean here it’s mothers day, and since i only drew 1 unic mom oc..... let’s celebrate her day♡

___________________________________________

[battyccino]

One of my Yiga gals who exists in age of calamity/pre-calamity era. Her story involves an (ex) Royal Guard and how she initially uses him for information gathering but eventually convinces him to join the clan due to his disillusionment being involved with the system/powers that be who’ve oppress those like the Yiga and Sheikah. The two eventually marry and have a child.

[confess-for-botw-totk]

I have thoughts about the structure of the Royal family, mostly connected to BotW/AoC/TotK, but could be extrapolated out to other games: Queen actually tends to be the high title since the Blood of the Goddess and Magic is passed down to female members of the line. It makes more sense for them to track through that line. So, in my brain it is Queen, King, Princess, and Prince as opposed to the usual order.

You want an unbroken line of heritage: follow the mothers.

_*_

[simplegenius042]

Music Monday, WIP Word Train, Top 5 songs on repeat & OC Picrew

Tagged by @direwombat @inafieldofdaisies @josephseedismyfather and @noodlecupcakes

Tagging @imogenkol @socially-awkward-skeleton @adelaidedrubman @josephslittledeputy @raresvtm @cassietrn @g0dspeeed @aceghosts @voidika @cloudofbutterflies92 @derelictheretic @icecutioner @shallow-gravy @strangefable @statichvm @carlosoliveiraa @wrathfulrook @starsandskies @ladyoriza @la-grosse-patate @thewanderer-000 @omen-speaker @alypink @shellibisshe @skoll-sun-eater @afarcryfrommymain @strafethesesinners @turbo-virgins @florbelles @minilev @justasmolbard @yokobai and @seedsplease + anyone else who'd like to join.

Music for The Silver Chronicles, Life, Despair & Monsters and an Original Work. WIP Train for The UnTitledverse and A Radioactive Calamity of Love, Bombs & Gore and a Picrew for my The Silver Chronicles OCs in addition to my top 5 most repeated songs on the music app I use. Listen below the cut:

"Some Nights" is a song I can associate with Alexander Khaos, especially post the events of my Ain't It A Joy? WIP, perhaps Alexander's being reflective in Hope County at St. Francis or even in New Eden post-Collapse. Alexander, much like Jacob, knows how your worst, most dehumanizing moments can fundamentally change a person. One thing is clear; although Alexander is a little homesick for his family, he does not miss Wellington Wells at all. Listen below:

"Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck Some nights, I call it a draw Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh ("Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh!") What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know anymore

Oh-oh, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh-oh Oh-oh, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh-oh

This is it, boys ("Oh-oh, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh-oh!") This is war What are we waiting for? Why don't we break the rules already? I was never one to believe the hype ("Oh-oh, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh-oh!") Save that for the black and white Try twice as hard and I'm half as liked But here they come again to jack my style

That's alright ("That's alright!") I found a martyr in my bed tonight She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am Oh, who am I?

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end 'Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights, I always win ("I always win!") But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh ("Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh!") What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know ("Oh, come on!")

So this is it? I sold my soul for this Washed my hands of that for this? I miss my mom and dad for this? ("Oh, come on!") No, when I see stars, when I see stars, that's all they are ("Oh, come on!") When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on Oh, come on, oh, come on, oh, come on

Well, that is it guys ("Oh-oh, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh-oh!") That is all Five minutes in and I'm bored again Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands This one is not for the folks at home ("Oh-oh, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh-oh!") Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go Who the fuck wants to die alone All dried up in the desert sun?

My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called love And then I look into my nephew's eyes Man, you wouldn't believe The most amazing things That can come from Some terrible nights!"

Life, Despair & Monsters is a series that explores morally grey/dark grey characters and how these morals change as pressure and time force them to adapt. The protagonists begin with fairly selfish goals; whether it be individually personal or collectively out for revenge against Malvolio and his meddling into their lives (especially with a few like Sonya, Jennifer, Hatter, Guenevere and Haoyu, plus some others), while the antagonists often have a benevolent goal (Sir Enigma Malvolio & the Ruins of the Midnight Rise) or even believe what they're doing is for the best (the Court King and Ion), even if their methods and/or understanding is severely flawed, amoral and sometimes even depraved. None of the protagonists want to be present there, but they are put into a circumstance that pushes them to make some capacity to change for the betterment of others, even if it doesn't entirely benefit themselves. All of them have done at least one wrong or another, or are even outright wrong in some one way or another, but they are still people in some way, just broken by circumstances beyond their control, even if some of them had inflicted this on themselves:

"Welcome to the room of people Who have rooms of people that they loved one day, docked away Just because we check the guns at the door Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades

You'll never know the psychopath sitting next to you You'll never know the murderer sitting next to you You think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?" But after all I've said, please don't forget

All my friends are heathens, take it slow Wait for them to ask you who you know Please, don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abuse

We don't deal with outsiders very well They say newcomers have a certain smell Yeah, trust issues, not to mention They sayin'' they can smell your intentions

You'll never know the freak show sitting next to you You'll have some weird people sitting next to you You'll think, "How did I get here, sitting next to you?" But after all I've said, please don't forget ("Watch it!") Watch it!"

Lastly a ship song for the main couple of An Old Ballad of Chance and Ember Hearts Original Trilogy; Jade Smith and Jasmine Rafiq. For the first story, it's mostly the two (a) exploring beautiful multiverse, and (b) reconciling with the fact that, despite their soulmate marks fading away (after the system was abolished in Wing And Horns), they still love each other and don't require those marks to define that fact for them, renewing their declaration of love to each other. The second story has them come across strife in the form of Rouske; while Jade and Jasmine explore the multiverse and see nothing but beauty and wonder, Rouske explores it and can only see the pain and suffering, believing it's better off gone altogether. Which leads to an altercation with Rouske that causes Jasmine's death, leading Jade to becoming devastated and the rest of her journey is basically the five stages of grief. In the third and final work, the plot is basically Jade dies and is making her journey through the afterlife, searching to reunite with Jasmine so they both can make their way to the Wheel of Reincarnation together. "Waiting For Love" I think encapsulates that journey quite well I think. Enjoy listening:

"Where there's a will, there's a way, kind of beautiful And every night has its day, so magical And if there's love in this life, there's no obstacle That can't be defeated

For every tyrant, a tear for the vulnerable In every lost soul, the bones of a miracle For every dreamer, a dream we're unstoppable With something to believe in

Monday left me broken Tuesday, I was through with hoping Wednesday, my empty arms were open Thursday, waiting for love, waiting for love

Thank the stars it's Friday I'm burning like a fire gone wild on Saturday Guess I won't be coming to church on Sunday I'll be waiting for love, waiting for love To come around

We are one of a kind, irreplaceable How did I get so blind and so cynical? If there's love in this life, we're unstoppable No, we can't be defeated

Monday left me broken Tuesday, I was through with hoping Wednesday, my empty arms were open Thursday, waiting for love, waiting for love

Thank the stars it's Friday I'm burning like a fire gone wild on Saturday Guess I won't be coming to church on Sunday I'll be waiting for love, waiting for love To come around!"

A little late to the party, but here's my participation in the WIP Train Word game.

rules: for each letter of the word you're given, share an excerpt from a wip that starts with that letter.

Words I was given: FEAR and FIRE. Word I'm gonna give y'all (should you choose to accept): HOPE.

Gonna do FEAR for WIPs from The UnTitledverse series (Mario: Mother's Boy, The Tale of Mario Emmet, the Classroom of the Elite segment of my little What If? series and Chapter 2 of my Jurassic World: Before The Storm fic) and FIRE for the A Radioactive Calamity of Love, Bombs & Gore series (The Waters Of Life Flow).

F - Further as the kitchen, the dishes, the books and everything that was once Molly’s was swallowed with her.

Abigail wailed as she fell. Wailed for her to return. Wailed out into the darkness that consumed everything that made the kitchen Molly’s.

And then the fall stopped.

E - Everyone else were more afraid than anything else. Except for Mario, who seemed apologetic rather than enthusiastic.

A - As Ayanokoji began to depart from his desk, he paused. Horikita heard him let out a sigh, and much to her confusion, dropped his bag on top of his desk.

"What are you-?" Horikita wanted to question, but Ayanokoji soon interrupted her.

"Accepting my fate," he disclosed, not with much emotion, but certainly not his regular monotone.

Horikita blinked at him, shaking her head in confusion, "Huh?"

R - Regret.

That is what overcame me when I followed Lisa off the ramp of the ferry.

Once I stood on sturdier ground, the unforgiving heat swept over me quickly.

F - Fear grasped Alph and Amata, the latter of whom hugged Alph closely to her as he weakly tried to push her away, eyes wet from the thought of his failure to protect Amata and find his dad, all the while surrounded by dirty and vile vultures of human beings, who grinned with eager anticipation to reach satisfaction.

I - "I-I think this is it!" she stated aloud, relief and joy flowing out of the laugh she let out. Alph focused forward, really missing his glasses, but through his blurry vision, he could see a mass of metal welded together to form a gate. There was also a robot out the front of it, the corpse of a giant insect full of charred holes only a few feet away from it.

R - Ress' resting spot just happened to be where she needed to get said fresh air.

Ress didn't immediately acknowledge Amata, though the younger of the two wasn't foolish to believe she just didn't hear the vaultie.

Amata exhaled into the cold air as she pretended to admire the morning sky, although a morning sky was better than no sky in her opinion.

"Rough sleep?" Ress inquired from where she laid on the table, head tilted towards Amata's direction.

E - "Ergo," the Arcane Urias narrowed his blazing orange-red eyes on the shaking, frail human before him, "Your usefulness as a follower can no longer considered acceptable, Blackhall."

Without hearing any further excuses from the failure before him, the Arcane Urias gave his apprentice a nod; approved permission to end their acolyte's life.

Some picrews for my holy trinity of Seedfuckers Far Cry 5 OCs (Deputy Silva Omar, Nadi Sinclair, Alexander Khaos) from The Silver Chronicles in addition to Paul Yellowjack.

SILVA OMAR (SILVA'S HOPE, LA ÚLTIMA EN PIE & OLD DUSK [FC5 & FCND])

NADI SINCLAIR (SILVA'S HOPE, OLD DUSK & CALL TO ARMS [FC5, FCND & COD: MW])

ALEXANDER KHAOS (SILVA'S HOPE, OLD DUSK & AIN'T IT A JOY? [FC5, FCND & WE HAPPY FEW])

PAUL YELLOWJACK (LA ÚLTIMA EN PIE & OLD DUSK [FCND])

And lastly my top 5 most repeated song from the music app I use. I don't have the ability to share it through the app, so I'll just use YouTube links of the songs so you can listen to them yourself. Listen below:

"Genghis Khan" - Miike Snow

"This Comes From Inside" - The Living Tombstone

"Love Me Like You Do" - Ellie Goulding

"Stargazing" - Myles Smith

"Ten Thousand Times Before" - Twelve Titans Music

[zelluna]

i just wanted to say something :

I post about urbosa a lot (bc she’s the goat). If you ship zelda x urbosa, please do not interact with me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Urbosa literally held zelda when she was a newborn, like, come on now.

On the flip side, if u ship urbosa x zelda’s MOTHER please please please interact w me im having brainrot about them 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Edit: proshippers in general just dni

[firefly-factory]

"How do I remember her? Radiant"

Still thinking about Zelda-Rose (Princess Zelda's mother from Exile/Vilify by @silverjirachi )

The ballroom scene was one of many highlights in the book, and the description of Rose's dress and tiara were so striking that I had to draw her. Took inspiration from Naydra's horns for the placement of the gems and glass <3

[thisbelongsto-nohbodys]

Do the Calamity kids spend Mother's Day with their bio-moms and have their own special activities and gifts, or do they all band together to celebrate all three at once? Or both?

They spend it all together (after breakfast in bed). No matter who's biologically related, they all consider the other their mom/child.

[kalamity-jayne]

I wish I could tuck. it just seems to hurt me every time I try and never ends well. I was hoping hormones would help some but they haven't really worked very well and even affected that area.

do you have any advice/guidance? not being able to tuck just makes me feel really bad and miserable and not very girly.

Hi anon!

You’ve come to the right place with this question because I have lots of advice when it comes to the subject of tucking.

When you first start tucking, there’s no getting around the initial discomfort and “pain”. Pushing your testicles up into the inguinal canal and keeping them there takes some getting used to. Now the reason I put “pain” in scare quotes here is because there is some pain when start out doing it but it should be a kind of dull achey pain. Like, if it feels like someone giving your testicles a firm but moderate squeeze, that’s normal. It should never ever feel like a sharp pain! If your tuck is making you wince you need to carefully undo it immediately. If you’re experience a sharp pain there’s a slim chance it could be an anatomical issue (everyone’s bodies are different) but most likely it either has to do with one or several of the following things that can be changed: Technique, Gaff, and testical size. Also, like I said, even without HRT, eventually you do acclimate to how it feels having your testes inside the inguinal canal such that the sensation will hardly even register let alone hurt.

Now, you mentioned being on HRT. I don’t know how long you have been on HRT but with time your testicles will shrink, even if you penis stays roughly the same size. Tucking does get significantly easier the further along you are with HRT. So even if you’re testicle size is currently giving you trouble it almost certainly will not be an issue later on. Eventually the shrinkage should make tucking effortless and easy.

It’s also possible there is something off with your technique. It’s a little difficult for me to imagine how one might do it so incorrectly as to get torsion but I can walk you through my tucking technique. First, I make a peace sign with the index and middle finger, I use those two fingers to push the testes up into the inguinal canal and rest that hand on my pubis mons with the upside down V crook of the peace sign at the base of my penis. Then I gently pull the penis back along the perineum with my other hand, you want to pull it pretty far back but don’t go nuts, you don’t need to pull it all the way back to your anus. As your holding your penis back up against your perineum your testicles should be able to stay inside the canals on their own freeing your index and middle finger to pinch/grab the empty scrotal tissue and roll it up around the shaft of the penis, like nestling a hot dog inside a hot dog bun. I find it helpful to think of the scrotal tissue I’m wrapping around the penis as labia, and it should look vaguely vaginal though that isn’t the point, rather it’s to ensure all the loose fleshy bits end up inside the gusset of your panty so they don’t get pinched. Continue holding all those bits together like that either with the hand you just used to wrap the penis or with your tightly closed legs and pull up the gaff to hold it all in place, move around a bit and adjust accordingly.

And that brings us to Gaffs. Holding it all in place with tape can be painful and ultimately wasteful, so I highly recommend investing in some good gaffs. A gaff is basically like a normal panty but with a few key differences. The are generally made with stretchy but compressive fabrics like, they have a wider gusset (the underside area that would typically cover the vagina or in this case your tucked penis), and they sometimes have some extra padding in the frontal pubis area. In a pinch you can use a swimsuit bottom or double up a pair of normal panties and then wear some tight jeans. There is a way to make a down and dirty DIY gaff out of an athletic sock and panty hose but I can’t vouch for how comfortable that is and it is certainly the least sexy option. Fortunately these days there are a number of good gaff makers out there (Etsy is a great place for this) and there’s almost too many to enumerate here. I recommend trying a few different styles out and seeing what works for you.

However, there is one gaff maker I do want to highlight because I think they are great for someone like you who is still trying to get the hang of it. https://www.etsy.com/shop/LeoLines?ref=l2-about-shopname Now these are def not the sexiest gaffs but they are full proof. These are the gaffs I turn to when I need an ultra secure tuck that won’t need readjusting. I recommend starting the bikini style for going out and about and practicing at home with one in the thong style. The former is easy and if something is less than perfect about your tuck it’s unlikely to be an issue and the latter, because it’s a thong, will help you get the hang of keeping it all tight, particularly with wrapping the penis in the scrotal tissue, because if you don’t do it right it’ll get pinchy pretty quick but you can easily adjust it because your still at home. The other reason I recommend LeoLines as a starter gaff is because of the extra padding in the front and the amount of compression in the fabric which allows you to achieve the tucked effect without actually tucking (a lot of gaff makers will make that claim but it’s mostly BS with the exception being LeoLines). LeoLines also offers swimsuit gaffs and is the only gaff I know of that makes them in children’s sizes (this was a big deal for my trans niece cause she used to do gymnastics and loves to swim and wanted to wear the same stuff the other girls wore).

I also highly recommend every trans girl check Origami Customs! https://origamicustoms.com/collections/all-underthings/products/mesh-gaff-hipster-underwear They have gaffs in every style and size and even to custom fits. But they also have a sizing guid that’s helpful for buying regular underwear! Like, ever wonder why a particular style of panty never seems to fit right? It may not be your size but rather the shape of your butt!

Lastly, it’s very important to exercise a bit a common sense with tucking. It’s really important to take breaks. If your tucked during the day then you need to untuck at night, especially before going to bed. Once you’re farther along with your HRT and the testicles have shrunk this becomes somewhat less of an issue, at least pain-wise. It’s also important to take breaks and give your junk opportunities to air out, especially during the hotter seasons when you’re more prone to sweating. If you do too much tucking and you genitals don’t get any airflow at all, you could contract a fungal infection, ie Jock itch or other kinds of irritation. But if you don’t tuck when you go to bed, and maybe even give your self some time at home to be naked, you’ll be fine. I’ve gone through months long periods of tucking every single day, even at the gym, and never had any issues. I do recommend wearing softer gaffs if you just shaved your bikini area, gaffs like the ones on LeoLines can exacerbate shaving irritation but if you wait till the day after you shaved you’ll be fine.

And that’s basically it for my tucking advice! I hope that helps you anon!

Love,

🌷Mother Calamity🌷

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

Bridgerton cast the roles they auditioned for Vs the role they actually got in the end! Y’all see NICOLA oh!

Nicola Coughlan Pen got Pen

Claudia Jessie Pen got Eloise

Jonathan Bailey Simon got Anthony

Luke Newton Simon got Colin

Phoebe Dyvenor 2 roles Pen and ? got Daphne

Calam Lynch Colin got Theo

Hannah Dodd Daphne got Francesca

Luke Thompson Duke got Benedict

and people cry about why she’s the favourite and why she’s the main character face of the whole show like I’m need y’all to be fr no one is on her level no ever reaching her range and versatility all of them combined couldn’t even reach miss face of the 😂 sit down now

I just know on my mothers life Shonda was sob crying thanking her gods on her car on her way home when she got Nicola in that room and said that’s my main character face of my franchise and she was so right! It’s fcgo Shonda always I don’t like her but she really ATE but not really since its really Nicola that devoured that audition effortlessly too she didn’t even try hard because she knew it’s shondaland and there was like 500 other people auditioning for pen so she just said I’m do my best and not force it and Shonda really said you shall be my whole everything an she was right still fcvk Shonda always tho genuinely hate that eh woman

Ofc Nicola fav song on Beyoncé new album is bow down 😂 it’s literally what everyone should be doing every time they see her or go near her! bow down bitc*hes when you are in the presence of your betters!

not Nicola literally talking about having a day or two to prep for pen (in her new video that dropped now 😂 they saw me talking about and said let’s give you the proof for the antis before they jump you best girl) and being the face of one of Netflix biggest show oh she’s so silly love of my life what a legend what a queen! TV

[askthegerudochampion]

Do you feel more protective over the younger two champions + Zelda and Link? Or do you see them as worthy allies dispite their adolescence?

I do feel they are both very capable. and allies worth having.

Although, I can't help but feel somewhat protective of them, especially Zelda. This is a dangerous thing, fighting the Calamity, and they have so much life ahead of them. Such a burden is heavy on anyone's shoulders, but I don't think either of them deserve it.

I have no doubt in my mind, however, that they'll do whatever they can and I will fight my hardest to protect them.

[noirandchocolate]

Because it's Valentine's Day here on Earth... Here's a little something about (my versions of) those banana boys in Karusa Valley.

~ Sooga loves Kohga as his sun.

Something bright and blazing at the center of the Clan. Something providing gravity, a purpose. At first, too hot and mildly terrifying to think about getting near. Then, an object of devotion, but still too important, too vital, to be close to for any reason but to carry out a duty. The sun is beautiful, and surrounded by devotees. Why should it notice one little fish, even if that fish has grown into a dragon that guards with every breath? No, Sooga knew that anything he felt for that bright blazing ball of spirited energy that kept everyone together and everything in his life spinning, had to be kept to himself.

Until...suddenly it didn't. Because the sun rose on him again after he nearly lost his life, and it turned its face toward him...and...smiled.

And now that they are together--married!!--Sooga loves that sunbeam smile more than he even thought possible. Would do anything to get to see it. Now he knows, that Kohga's heat can be a gentle embrace just as it can be a fiery inspiration or a fizzing temper. Sooga can be close to the sun and feel his Kohga's warmth all around him every day. Bask in it. Even hold this glorious man in his arms, and cherish copper skin and honey-bright brown eyes. Kohga is the center of his world, but now, not someone to merely orbit. He's been pulled in, and oh how he has loved melting into his husband.

Kohga is Sooga's sun, and he loves him for it.

~ Kohga loves Sooga as his star.

Something bright and blazing in his sky. Something providing guidance, a way home. At first, one individual light among many others around him, though over time it did make itself stand out. Then, a protective and (if he was being honest with himself) pleasant presence at his right hand, but still...not something to get too attached to. For a star is beautiful, but stars fall. And Kohga had had two fall in his lifetime, many years ago. So although he still enjoyed plenty of casual, glinting encounters, he'd given up on any daydreams about finding another diamond in the heavens, and kept his heart to himself.

Until...suddenly it slipped its bonds. Because at the moment of his greatest extremity, he looked up and there was a radiant light above him, protecting him...and...falling. The same story. But this time, a different ending. For after the whole world changed, after the sky went red and then cleared... Somehow, that star hadn't burned out after all. And Kohga knew, he couldn't let this chance pass him by.

And now that they are together--family!!--Kohga loves Sooga's sparkling self more than he thought he ever could again. Because Sooga may be a star--sometimes seeming distant, far above, something to aspire to--but he's his. Now that he has gotten close, Kohga knows that while Sooga's strength is dazzling, his quiet heart is warm. Engulfing. And he'd wrap himself around this rare, precious shard of heaven's light forever, treasuring every little bit of this man, body, mind, and soul. Sooga is the beacon of his life, now not one spark among many but the one that truly, truly has led him back home. And oh, he will follow him anywhere.

Sooga is Kohga's s--

Well, shall I let him tell it in his own words? Here is a poem he composed last spring, while the two were in the midst of their betrothal period:

On Spectacle Rock We rest and watch the heavens Your eyes on the sky, Mine, in secret, on your face Basked in light of your bright kin

If you should catch me, I would catch sweet lips with mine My descended star And thank all those left above That you fell for me.

Sun and star, and together, they dance across the sky. <3

[emicat1159]

Love it when people just *waves arms around*

Except when it's this guy, he can be cast into the void

Anyway yea work in progress, how do you draw hoods?

[simplegenius042]

Music Monday & One-sided Love Template

Tagging @imogenkol @socially-awkward-skeleton @adelaidedrubman @josephslittledeputy @direwombat @raresvtm @cassietrn @g0dspeeed @aceghosts @inafieldofdaisies @voidika @josephseedismyfather @noodlecupcakes @cloudofbutterflies92 @derelictheretic @icecutioner @shallow-gravy @strangefable @statichvm @carlosoliveiraa @wrathfulrook @starsandskies @ladyoriza @la-grosse-patate @thewanderer-000 @omen-speaker @alypink @shellibisshe @skoll-sun-eater @afarcryfrommymain @strafethesesinners @turbo-virgins @florbelles @minilev @justasmolbard @yokobai and @seedsplease + anyone else who'd like to join.

Music for A Radioactive Calamity of Love, Bombs & Gore and The UnTitledverse, plus a template for an Original Works OC/s. You can listen under the cut below:

First song for Abigail and Molly. I've probably done this before (maybe? Or was that a different song?), but either way, let's talk about them. Now since in Red Dead Redemption: Peace For Thy Sinners is primarily centered from Maddelyn Darling's POV, we'll only view Abigail and Molly's relationship through what Maddie witnesses of it, and even then she's not that reliable of a narrator as she's often right for the wrong reasons LOL. Case in point; she misses all the signs that Abigail may not be as human as the gang believes she is (being a shapeshifting alien that feeds off emotions and all). However, in Mario: Mother's Boy, there is most certainly POV flashbacks from Abigail herself while she raises Mario, decades after 1899 and Molly's passing, and Abigail misses Molly; like, a lot. Molly had been pretty much the only human that Abigail ever fell for, and Molly's poetic prowess is what caused Abigail to reconsider her own thoughts on humanity as more than a food source. Now in Mario: Mother's Boy, many decades after Molly was alive, Abigail, although she mourns for the woman, comes to accept the loss and move pass it, especially after confronting her own frail mortality while teaching her son how to survive and thrive, ever when her time eventually comes. "Little Bit Of Love" by Tom Grennan is, by my canonization, Abigail Emmet and Molly O'Shea's ship song. Listen below:

"I've been holding onto pieces Swimming in the deep end Tryna find my way back to you 'cause I'm needing A little bit of love A little bit of love, a little bit of love

Lately, I've been counting stars And I'm sorry that I broke your heart It's something that I didn't want for you But I'm stepping on broken glass And I know this is my final chance All I'm tryna do is find my path to you

I've got voices in my head and there's a deafening silence I've got voices in my head and I can't lie

I've been holding onto pieces Swimming in the deep end Tryna find my way back to you 'cause I'm needing A little bit of love A little bit of love, a little bit of love Just like the air I'm breathing These open wounds ain't healing Tryna find my way back to you 'cause I'm needing A little bit of love A little bit of love, a little bit of love A little bit of love

Lately, I've been waking up In a dreamy state, calling your name Stayed up too late just thinking of you Now I'm knocking on every door 'Cause I heard you moved from twenty-two Has it been that long? I guess time just flew

I've got voices in my head and there's a deafening silence I've got voices in my head and I can't lie

I've been holding onto pieces Swimming in the deep end Tryna find my way back to you 'cause I'm needing A little bit of love A little bit of love, I need a little love Just like the air I'm breathing These open wounds ain't healing Tryna find my way back to you 'cause I'm needing A little bit of love A little bit of love, a little bit of love A little bit of love

I tried to fly but I used my wings too soon Now everything got me thinking of you I tried a million times to cut you loose

I've been holding onto pieces Swimming in the deep end Tryna find my way back to you 'cause I'm needing A little bit of love A little bit of love, I need a little love Just like the air I'm breathing These open wounds ain't healing Tryna find my way back to you 'cause I'm needing A little bit of love A little bit of love, a little bit of love A little bit of love!"

Another song more focused on some info dumps about the Red Dead Redemption: Peace For Thy Sinners WIP, and especially about Maddelyn Darling, or Maddie for short. Here's the summarized backstory; Maddie's childhood was spent living with her aunt, Kara Darling, whom was a nun. In 1886, Kara had taken a nine-year-old Maddie on a carriage to another church, but the O'Driscoll Gang had jumped their carriage, taking both hostage. Maddie managed to eventually escape them, but Kara... wasn't so lucky. Maddie ended up bumping into Abigail Emmet, as well as Dutch van der Linde and Hosea Matthews, where she was taken in by them considering what she told them of Kara's fate. Plus it was good to have a someone small and fast and below notice to pick pockets. While Maddie spent most of her time under Abigail's tutelage (especially when it came to outlawing), Dutch and Hosea pitched in their own lessons as well; Dutch gave Maddie tips and tricks on spotting which people to rob blind and how to improvise an act, while Hosea ensured Maddie knew how to read, find her way back to camp and spot checks. In 1887, when Maddie was ten, Dutch and Hosea came back to camp with a 14-year-old Arthur Morgan. Weary of each other at first, eventually over time, they established a sibling-like bond. From there the gang only seemed to grow, though at some point they met the O'Driscoll Gang. Although Maddie recognized the leading brothers (one of which was Colm), there was a truce established at the time, so she remained quiet, and hoped business could be over quickly, avoiding interactions with the gang members. It wasn't until Colm's brother ambushed Maddie to silence her after recognizing who she was, though Dutch had been in the vicinity and put him down before any harm could be inflicted on Maddie. This death lead to the truce ending, and a blood feud like no other began, especially after Colm kills Annabelle, the woman Dutch loved. In 1882, and entering some town, a fifteen-year-old Maddie discovered after making a friendship with a girl her age named Steph, that her attraction may go beyond just boys, although she kept the gang in the dark of such information. In 1885, the gang brought in 12-year-old John Marston, and initially one would think since Maddie's got that brother-sister bond with Arthur, it'd be the same with John. Well, yes, but actually no; as Maddie takes one look at John's sopping wetness and finds that, since they're six years apart in age, it's her duty as John's older sister to pick on him. Years go by, and Maddie's established herself as an outlaw worthy of respect, especially since Abigail personally tutored her. It isn't until the ferry robbery in 1899 that 32-year-old Maddie feels uncertainty the first time in a long time, and finds arguments becoming more frequent (especially since Micah Bell was introduced into the gang). When Sadie is saved by the O'Driscolls and brought into the gang, Maddie is one of Sadie's most frequent interactions, especially when settling in. Fair warning, Maddie and Sadie's story is a bit of a slow burn, and with typical canon compliance, things get worse before they get better.

"The many miles we walked The many things we learn The building of a shrine Only just to burn May the wind be at your back Good fortune touch your hand May the cards lay out a straight All from your command

That's the way it is That's the way it is That's the way it is That's the way it is

Blue heron leaves the northern sky Trust the journey to new highs What's the meaning of this scar If we don't learn how to heal? Should we ever be apart Then how does it feel?

That's the way it is That's the way it is That's the way it is That's the way it is That's the way it is

Shine light into darkness Shine light into darkness!"

And final song for my Resident OC Vega from my Fallout 76 WIP What Happened To Vault Number 76? in my A Radioactive Calamity of Love, Bombs & Gore series. You may be asking yourself; when exactly does this WIP begin? To that I say, "With Arcane Urias and Matthias Talos re-entering the world via breach through reality as they wonder 'wtf is up with this place?'" But where does Vega's story begin, you may ask. And to that I say it begins with the party the night before... the Reclamation Day celebration. The day before everyone leaves the vault to recreate society once more. And the day before everyone collectively decides to leave Vega's pathetic ass to oversleep in the vault with one killer hangover since no one really likes her. Anyway, this is what I imagine was going through Vega's wasted mind throughout the party back when she was a relatively normal human being. Listen below:

"Drop-toppin', playin' our favorite CDs Pullin' up to the parties Tryna get a little bit tipsy

Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I'ma fight till we see the sunlight Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop, no Don't stop make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I'ma fight till we see the sunlight Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop, no!"

Here's the One-sided Love Template for Rouske and the mysterious woman that haunts him. Don't let this template fool you about the nature of their relationship; this whole relationship between Rouske and this person is intentionally supposed to be ambiguous. The relationship could be either romantic, platonic, familial, estranged, etc (as intended for a very ambiguous relationship between Rouske and this woman from his past; whether she be a lost lenore, a friend who left Yahar'ghul, a family member who died, or simply a stranger he met once and never again, or something else entirely), but what remains the same is that you don't know, and depending what your interpretation ends up being, either he also doesn't know (because bad memory from living longer than average human, a result from constant multiverse traveling use) or only he knows (but he doesn't want to think about it). In this instance, you can still interpret this relationship as romantic, or not, but I'll just say this; regardless, it makes no difference since the end result is the same. View below:

Blank Template below: