#mostly directed at tourists

[useless-catalanfacts]

Btw if you come on holidays and stay at an AirBnb instead of an actual registered hotel I hate you personally. Not "I hate the gentrification and touristic massification and the way we can't live in our homes and are forced to move away because of tourism" in an abstract way- No, not just that. I hate you.

[magistralucis]

@absolut--kurant!

[baepsays]

MONA LISA ⋆˚࿔⸻ Nanami Kento

THE WAY YOU LOOK I UNDERSTAND THE HYPE, YOU KNOW YOU'RE JUST MY TYPE꩜ .ᐟ Gotta, gotta, get ya, 'cause you know just what I like.

cw ꩜ .ᐟ nothing, just fluff, but there is a dumbass ex, whirlwind romance sort of cliche, some suggestive stuff, but just me being a poetic dumbass mostly, i heard the song and i was like yes, so just enjoy.

a/n: fully inspired by mona lisa by jhope

Nanami Kento is a connoisseur of art. He is the greatest opponent of the philosophy presented by Plato, that art is an imitation of an imitation, and therefore not a true representation of reality. He believed that art has always been and will always be the direct and indirect reflection of reality. And if Plato were alive today, he would not hesitate to blurt it out in his face. 

So after saving up for a while and doing an insane amount of overtime, when he found himself in Paris, all by himself, he knew exactly where he wanted to explore first and foremost.

The Louvre museum was somewhere he always wanted to explore, not vicariously through a digital screen or how Gojo flew out his girlfriend there for her art history project—he wanted to see everything with his own two eyes, and just get lost in there if possible.

He expected the crowd. Even when he scheduled his visit at an odd time, to enjoy some serenity in those masterful pieces from the past. He wanted to find the Venus de milo, the coronation of Napoleon, and of course, the Mona Lisa.

But instead he found you, standing opposite to the Mona Lisa herself, just staring at Veronese's wedding feast at Cana.

Even when he came on a weekday, during downtime, there was still a crowd in front of the mona Lisa. But honestly, he would get in a queue to watch you instead. Maybe frame you in his eyes forever, if it is possible. He never really got the hype about Mona Lisa anyway, of course it has its own significance with how the colors and techniques were so sophisticated for its time that it was thought to be irreplicable. But Nanami was not fascinated by the, now, dull colors of the painting. But he is sure if it was you that Vinci decided to immortalize in his painting, the crowd would have to be bigger, and the queue has to be longer. And the colors have to be more vibrant and acute. And even then he could not have captured your beauty. 

But then again, you do not need such empty validations.

He never thought of himself as a person to think his type was a pretty face, if you asked him, he would say personality. Yet here he is walking up to the gorgeous woman of his dreams, and asking her if she wanted to stroll around the museum with him. 

If only your, now ex, boyfriend took a second too long before saying he wants to break up with you to get with the younger hotter girl at his office; he would not have been backtracking from that statement in a panic when you told him right after that you got two tickets to Paris for your anniversary. And he would have probably been here standing next to you. But thankfully you threw him out of your apartment, threw everything of his in your home, on the street. And got a considerable amount of refund on his ticket, and made your way to Paris. Fortunately instead of your ex, this gorgeous stranger, who looked really dazed when he came up to you, and gave you company through the rest of your trip. All he said was a simple, 

“Hello.” a gorgeous voice to match a gorgeous voice. 

And suddenly it was as if you two were in a movie, about two strangers falling in love, in the city of love. You did every cliche tourist thing with him, to your heart’s content. From going to the Pont des Arts to the Eiffel tower. And doing things out of visiting historical monuments, like struggling to order a croissant and coffee. The days you spent with Nanami in Paris, became some of the most cherished memories you have created in your life. And you can only hope you get to have him around for more memories to create. 

While you were too busy wallowing in your own head about never possibly seeing him ever again after this—Kento was becoming borderline obsessed with you.

The amount of time you occupied in his thoughts and his journal, was getting concerning. You simply have him bad. And he is ready to submit himself, nay, devote himself to you. Frame you in a picture, make a shrine out of it and call you his religion, his one and only. 

By the third day of knowing Nanami Kento, you somehow ended up in the same hotel as him. With different room numbers to your name, you still somehow always ended up in each other’s rooms. At first it was petty excuses like the bed is better in your room, then it was the shower not working well, the lights in your room were too fluorescent. These were things easily solved by calling the front desk, but then it would mean these were real problems and not made up excuses. 

And everytime your horrible ex tried to call you and ruin your mood, he was there for you with some bottle of wine he found at the grocery store down the street. Along with some variety of cheese and fruits, to make you a charcuterie board of sorts.

And you appreciated it all. The cheap wine, cheap ‘i heart Paris’ t-shirts, wild little flowers from some random park you two stumbled upon, to the diamond earrings he insisted on buying you. Something about them matching your smile too perfectly to let them be bought out by someone else. And you have never felt so at ease to be spoiled like so. Never with your parents, nor with any ex, or even friends. And it was all too much and too easy to get used to. 

“Will I ever see you again, after this?” you were in his bed, fully clothed and in his arms, but never in your life have you ever felt so naked. 

“You are asking the wrong questions sweetheart.” he moved his head just enough to take it off the top of your head, and came eye to eye with you. His one hand steady as ever on your waist, slightly bunching up the satin of your nightdress. While the other held your own hand in comfort, with the most delicate touch. As if you were some exquisite work of art that would crumble with just one thoughtless touch.

“What should I be asking then?���

“How can I look at you for the rest of my life instead?”

FIND MORE OF MY WORKS HERE

a/n: dividers by @/cafekitsune. header is Monalisa by Leonardo da Vinci.

big Plato disliker here. you can say i loathe him even. fuck Plato. first Nanami work woooo!!! also shit i made up from my own trip to paris like when i was a wee baby so it is def not accurate i think.

I LIKE MY GIRLS PRETTY IN THE FACE ART PIECE TO FRAME MONA MONA LISA YEAH I NEED YA

tag list: @cheralith @madamechrissy @gojosperms @gojao @cuntphoric @nanamiskentos @cuntyji @cuntphoric @aishi-toru @fushitoru @rriwyu @alygator77 @exquisink @lover-lyn @buckysm @wwwritererm @indiewritesxoxo @gojosconsort @soupicidesquad @shouiow @user25384959574 @dxmnsaera @kazupop @slayzzz @undercvrfan444 @miizuzu @getoistic @infinitatis-ink @theorphicangel @ricecake-mochi

[wonderjanga]

Road Trip!

Once upon a time, there were two little kids… a 13-year-old Billy Batson and a 14-year-old Freddy Freeman. They were minding their business until suddenly Freddy came up with an idea…

Freddy: “Billy?”

Billy: “Yeah?”

Freddy: “I think we should go on a road trip.”

Billy: “Huh…? Why?”

Freddy: “Well, it’s just we never do anything fun.”

Billy: “What do you mean? We do tons of fun stuff!”

Freddy: “Name one thing.”

Billy: “Uh… superheroing—”

Freddy: “Try again.”

Billy: “Uh… doing my radio sho—”

Freddy: “That’s only a you thing. Try again.”

Billy: “Uh… drat. I got nothing.”

Freddy: “Exactly! So here’s what we’re gonna do! We’re gonna steal a car—”

Billy: “What??”

Freddy: “One from a thief.”

Billy: “Oh okay.”

Freddy: “Then we’re gonna pick Mary up from the Bromfields, and set out on the open road!”

Billy: “Okay… I guess I’ll talk to Mr. Morris about my absence… and Tawny can watch the city. Dudley could maybe help. I could also talk to the Lieutenant Marvels…”

That’s how the idea was born. They actually snatched a truck but still set out on the open road after picking up Mary and finishing up any final preparations.

Though not even an hour into their trip, they ran into a problem.

Freddy: “What do you mean gas is three dollars?? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Gas Station Worker(GSW):“Excuse me?”

Billy: *elbows him* “Sorry about him! It’s just that it’s rather expensive isn’t it, sir?”

GSW: “Kids, it’s three dollars. You are not missing out by spending three dollars.”

Freddy: “Three dollars can buy me…” *turns to Mary* “What’s 300 divided by twelve?”

Mary: “25.”

Freddy: *looks back to GSW* “Three dollars can buy me 25 hamburgers! So what are you on about, sir?”

GSW: “What are you on about? Where did you get this information?”

Billy: “From our home town? Gas they normally costs about 50 cents.”

GSW: “Where in the world do you live??”

It was after this conversation that the three children shared a look, went behind the gas station and transformed into their Marvel forms. Mary then proceeded to pick up the truck and all three of them flew in some random direction before standing in a circle and chanting.

Marvel, Junior and Mary: “mama se mama sa mama coo sa… mama se mama sa mama coo sa… mama se mama sa mama coo sa…”

That somehow made it so that the truck didn’t need gasoline anymore.

From then on, they were the stereotypical tourists. They went to the World’s Largest Yarn Ball, and the World’s Largest Frying Pan, and the World’s Largest Fire Hydrant. It was a blast.

Then they ran into their second problem. Everything was so expensive! They needed money (mostly for food) and it seemed like they needed a lot of it. So, Billy whipped out a solid gold brick he had gotten from a faerie that he traded with, and headed to a pawn shop.

Billy: “Sir, I’m in need of money.”

Store Clerk(SC): “Oh, uh…” *looks around the shop for Billy’s parents and doesn’t see them* “Well, you’ve come to the right place. You got something you wanna sell, little man?”

Billy: “Yes. This.” *places his brick on the counter*

*silence*

SC: “Is that real?”

Billy: “Yes?”

SC: *looks at him suspiciously*

The Store Clerk ran many tests on the gold. It left Billy’s foot tapping in anticipation and impatience. Eventually, the man finished.

SC: *just dumbfounded* “This is the goldest gold I’ve ever run into in my life…”

Billy: “Is that good?”

SC: “For you, yes. For me… I don’t know. I don’t even know if the shop has enough money to buy this to you.”

Billy: “Oh that’s fine. I’ll take however much you can give me without bankrupting yourself.”

SC: “I… are you sure, kid?”

Billy: “Yeah. Now, I’m kinda in a hurry so…”

With that, they acquired money.

They proceeded to treat themselves to some McDonald’s and go right back on the road. This put an end to their first week of the road trip. This also meant that Captain Marvel was gone for a week. Because of him being completely radio silent, the JL got concerned for their friend. So they gave him a call on the comm.

Mary: *driving, barely obeying traffic laws*

Freddy: *chilling out in the truck bed*

Billy: *sitting in the passengers seat when he suddenly startles and reaches a hand into his pocket dimension*

Mary: “You got a call?”

Billy: *pulls out his comm* “Uh… yeah.”

Mary: *pulls over*

Freddy: *leans over the side of the truck* “What’s wrong? Why’d we stop?”

Billy: “Got a call. Shazam!”

Marvel: *answers* “Hey, Flash. What’s up?”

Meanwhile, at the Watchtower…

JL: *all crowded around Flash’s comm*

Back with the Trio…

(Bold = they’re talking through Flash’s comm)

MM: *clears throat* “Captain. We’ve called you because we are concerned.”

Marvel: “Oh.” *confused as to why J’onn answered the phone, but whatever* “Thanks? Why?”

GL: “You’ve been gone for nearly a week, man? Did you get sucked into another dimension again?”

Marvel: “Nope! I’m on a road trip with Mary and Junior. Didn’t I tell you guys that?”

Aquaman: “Uh… No?? Geez, you’ve never taken time out to spend with those kids. Not in the… what? Six years we’ve known you?”

Marvel: “Huh. Now that I think about it, I really haven’t.”

Thankfully, he talked with the JL for a bit and told them (roughly) how long he’ll be gone.

The three kids had a blast driving around the states and their last stop was (unfortunately for some people, not them) Gotham.

Billy: “Uh…” *looking up at the menu* “Can I have three Bat-Mite Meals— those are the ones that come with toys, right?”

Cashier: “Yup. So, three Bat-Mite Meals.” *taps the register a couple times* “Will that be all?”

Billy: “Uh…” *looks back up at the menu*

In the background, the cashier watched as Mary and Freddy, who were chilling in the back of the truck, suddenly had a knife pulled on them by some random dude trying to car/truck jack them. The cashier also watched as the carjacker was flung back by some mysterious force (the truck had protective wards on it for situations like this) and crashed into the window of the Batburger.

Billy: “Uh………. Yeah that’ll be it.”

And Gotham was certainly interesting to the trio. They even got to meet Robin!

Mary and Freddy: *chilling in the truck bed*

Robin!Damian: *slips somehow and fucking crash lands onto their windshield, rolls up and over the truck*

Billy, Mary, Freddy: *horrified/gobsmacked*

Mary: *somehow bats him out of the air with Freddy’s crutch*

Robin!Damian: *lands in the truck bed*

It was after that that they pulled over and Billy got into the truck bed to see what in the world hit the windshield while he was driving because he was took startled to get a good enough look. That’s how they ended up circling Damian.

Freddy: “Hey. Buddy.” *smacking Damian’s cheek*

Billy: “You guys don’t think we killed Robin, do you?”

Mary: “No…? I’m pretty sure the truck killed him.”

Robin!Damian: *stirs*

Freddy: “Guys, he’s not even dead.”

Mary and Billy: “What?”

Damian, now registering that he was in the back of a truck, surrounded by kids his age, immediately freaked out and withdrew his katana. He immediately listed off some vile threats to their well-being before he scampered away before any of the Batsons or Freddy could get a word in.

All in all, it was a great road trip.

[rassicas]

The Art of Splatoon 3, pages 300 and 301, translated and typeset. The page features the map of the world of Splatoon 3, which had already been translated officially...mostly. There were a few landmarks present in the JP version that aren't in the english version. I went and added those missing landmarks and included the map as a separate higher res image. You can compare it to the official english version here. The names of the locations are pretty direct translations. Yokosuka peninsula and Chi-Ba (minus the dash) are real places in Japan. Kara Highway comes from how Bankara and Haikara both end in "kara"...if I were to localize it, I'd call it the InkSplat Highway... Atsugi oasis I assume is a play on atsugiri, a thick slice of food, and atsui, hot (???uncertain) I also took the liberty of changing "border zone" to "prefectural border". This implies Inkadia and the Splatlands are part of the same country, and is info present on the JP map, but not on the official english translation.

transcript of text under the cut...

Worldly Investigations We investigated a variety of places, and we discovered many fascinating things, such as traces of humanity, interesting structures, and more on the lives of marine creatures living in the present day. The following is a supplemental report of our investigation, with a map included.

The Splatlands A region located to the west of Inkadia. It consists of the Outer Splatlands Desert and its surrounding area, and has the second largest urban and economic area after Inkadia. The region is famous as a world-class tourist destination, with Scorch Gorge and the Splatlands Desert National Park still existing in their nature-rich prehistoric state. Numerous settlements have been scattered around rivers and the Crater since ancient times, and a unique and diverse culture has developed in the region.

Rocket Launch Pad The rocket was aimed for a new world separate from Earth, but an unfortunate accident occurred in the final stage of development, and the human race perished without the rocket taking off. The launch pad is in near perfect condition, and could be reactivated anytime, so as long as there is enough energy.

Undertow Spillway A huge underground flood bypass that was destroyed during the last great war. It had been abandoned for many years and garnered a negative legacy due to the enormous cost of dismantling it. However, when an area with relatively few collapses underwent maintenance and opened up as a battle stage, its popularity exploded. The longtime fans of the spillway loudly protested against the changes, but this opposition has subsided.

Trizooka A modified version of a special weapon once used in Inkopolis. A huge compressor fills the bottle with a huge amount of ink, and with compressed air, shoots the ink forward in a spiral. It's considered good manners to pick up the fallen bottles after battle.

Red Hammertreads Anakki has caught on to the latest trends, and has presented a collection of "looting"-themed footwear. The message of "Take what you want by force!" resonated with the boom of rough and rugged Splatlandian fashion, creating some die-hard fans. The motif of the collection is a gangster octopus, which has turned blood red with rage. This deep crimson color is symbolic of the collection.

[acexsmhking]

Hi so I had this random need for a reader who spoke german but never really told Toby and she was like just working and he goes to pick her up and she's talking to someone else about him in german and it just turns him on so much and he's at first confused why she never told him but doesn't really care because it just makes him way to happy when he hears her talking about him so lovingly in his home lanuage.

plz🙏😭

P.s. love your fics😍

𝐒𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥

(𝗻.) 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀

╰┈➤ Toby x Bilingual!Reader

Summary: Reader can also speak German but never informed Tobias. How would he react?

Warning(s): slight 18+, mostly fluff, mentions of sexual content, mentions of murder

First of all, he’s a little offended

You never thought maybe just maybe, he’d like to know?

However, amazement quickly settles in

Starts talking to you more in German than English (not that you mind)

He is absolutely delighted to share something with his darling like this, just gives him even more reason to love you

As if he needed anymore with how obsessed he is

Finds out from you giving direction to a tourist. Who so happened to be German, visiting the states for the first time. You kindly explain something to them while you were shopping with Toby accompanying you

He was quick to get jealous but once you started speaking the same tongue all that flew out the window

So very very touchy when he first found out, very!

Like next lvl shit

Loves loves loves hearing you call him the same sweet names as he does for you

Completely infatuated with listening to you. Sure, you most probably don’t have the accent like him or yours is only just forming. But he loves it

Loves how different it sounds coming from your lips

Oh but if you speak even more than German? He is pouncing to know

Wants you talking 24/7 now

He doesn’t care if you said something offense he has heart eyes, and a boner

When you two are getting your freak on and you respond to his dirty talk in german?? He nuts

No ifs ands or buts

He just nuts

Immediately brags to Tim and Brian

“Yeah, my dear is just so amazing!”

Literally on his stomach, feet kicking and twirling his hair

Never ever hide your talents from Toby, it gives him reason 1939292 to brag about you

Motherfucker will brag about you to victims and you just have him new ammunition

I mean really think about it, this weird guy is hacking your legs off and yapping about how is S/O so fuckin amazing

Talks about you like saint so they think he’s just crazy who tf would date this psycho?

You <3

: ̗̀➛ Thank you so much Kitty for the ask<3. I love working on these kinds of asks while I work on fics and master-lists, just helps relax the brain and gives me reason to yap about Toby. Also love how when you guys ask something and I literally am thinking about it like yes we share a brain link!

- Ace

[goblin-jr]

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you.

Synopsis: Y/N has loved JJ for as long as she can remember. Now, as JJ falls for someone new, Y/N’s heart is pulled in a million different directions. 

Pairing: JJ x Reader x Rafe

masterlist

---

The sun was setting, casting warm amber light across the Outer Banks, painting the world in hues Y/N had come to know by heart. She’d watched these sunsets with JJ more times than she could count, usually from the old dock or one of their secret hideaways. This place, the marshes and beaches, had been their world since they were six years old. They’d grown up as each other’s shadow—two kids with wayward parents and a shared sense of adventure.

JJ had always been the loud one, fearless in the way he took on the world, while Y/N found herself quietly filling the spaces beside him, standing steady when life went off course. But somewhere along the line, her feelings had slipped past friendship. Now, at sixteen, Y/N’s heart raced just seeing JJ flash that mischievous grin she’d memorized years ago.

She wasn’t sure when it had happened—maybe during the late-night talks under starlit skies or after he’d shown up at her house that one terrible night when her parents' shouts rattled the windows. He was the only one who could chase away the dark. She wanted to tell him, but there was always something in the way. Mostly, lately, it was Kie.

Kie, with her bright laugh and easy charm. Y/N loved her, she really did, but there were moments when she wished she could be just a bit more like her: braver, more outgoing, effortless. JJ followed Kie with a starry-eyed devotion that broke Y/N’s heart, but she could never resent Kie for it. Besides, wasn’t it enough just to have JJ as a friend? To be by his side, even if she couldn’t hold his hand the way she wanted to?

This particular day at the country club was supposed to be different.

Y/N clocked in and picked up a tray, weaving her way around tables of tourists and regulars, her smile polite but practiced. Working alongside JJ made the shifts easier, though today her nerves twisted every time she thought about what she wanted to say. She’d decided that today was the day she’d finally tell him.

But as she scanned the room, she caught sight of JJ across the dining area, trailing Kie with that familiar, hopeful look on his face. Y/N’s heart sank, but she tried to shake it off. So what if JJ had a crush on Kie? It didn’t change what she had to say. It would just… complicate things.

She was so lost in thought that she barely noticed Rafe Cameron standing by his family’s usual table until he cleared his throat.

“Y/N, right?” he said, giving her a nod that was polite but impersonal, the sort of acknowledgment he probably reserved for the people who worked at his family’s club. “Is there someone I can talk to about the dinner reservations? There’s been some confusion.”

“Oh—yeah, sure,” she stammered, mentally kicking herself for spacing out. “I can take care of it.”

“Great,” he said, offering her a polite, reserved smile. “Appreciate it.”

He was cordial enough, but Y/N knew his reputation. He was practically crowned king of the Kooks, and though he hadn’t done anything wrong, she felt that familiar, instinctual distrust rise up. She turned and made her way to the reservation counter, Rafe already forgotten as her eyes found JJ again.

She could see him chatting with Kie across the terrace, his eyes following her with a soft look Y/N knew too well. JJ looked at Kie like she was a sunrise, something bright and untouchable. Kie was laughing, carefree as always, and Y/N had to look away. She couldn’t help but wish she could be like that—just a little more confident, a little more magnetic.

She took a deep breath. She’d tell JJ anyway. She’d waited too long already, right? They were best friends; he’d understand, even if he didn’t feel the same way.

But when her shift finally ended, she found JJ out by the clubhouse steps, pacing back and forth with that jittery energy he got whenever he was excited. Before she could say a word, he looked up, grinning.

“Hey! Guess what?” he said, his face lit up like he was about to burst. “Kie just invited me out on the boat tomorrow. It’s like, not a date or anything, but… y’know, she wants me there.”

The words she’d been holding in all day lodged in her throat. She forced a smile, trying to swallow the ache that suddenly felt so heavy. “That’s… that’s great, JJ. I know you’ve been hoping she’d notice you.”

“Right? I mean, it’s probably nothing, but it’s a start, you know?” He ran a hand through his hair, practically bouncing with anticipation. “You should come too. She’d love it if you came. We’ll all hang out like old times.”

“Yeah… maybe,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

JJ didn’t seem to notice the way her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and she was grateful for it. She didn’t want him to see the hurt she was holding back. All she wanted was to be close to him, and if that meant staying quiet, being his best friend even when her heart was breaking, then that was what she’d do.

“See you later, then?” JJ asked, giving her a quick hug before jogging off, probably already daydreaming about tomorrow.

Y/N stood there, watching him disappear, feeling her resolve crumble. She’d come so close, but maybe today just wasn’t the right time. There would be other days, right? Other moments when JJ wasn’t looking at someone else with that same hopeful gleam in his eyes.

She walked home slowly, the sunset painting everything in soft pastels, the familiar landscape feeling just a little emptier. She thought about JJ, the way his laugh sounded like home, the way he’d always been her anchor. Even if she could never tell him, she’d stay by his side.

Maybe tomorrow, or the day after that. She’d tell him someday. But for now, loving him quietly was enough. It had to be.

--

this is a short and sweet intro to what is (hopefully) a new series! Hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think!

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: The Worst Timeline

Out of all the scenarios and alternate timelines / other AU's this one could cross over into or adopt elements from (You can see a Reverse Portal Scenario Here and Here), the worst and most destructive alternate timeline for Jerk Ford would be Drifting Stars.

If you don't know, Drifting Stars is a popular AU where during the events of Not What He Seems, Mabel goes through the portal instead of Ford coming out. And now Mabel and Ford are together in the multiverse.

Stanley never stopped being involved with family because he was never kicked out, so Mabel and Dipper have actually known their Grunkle Stan their whole lives, they've even visited him a fair few times and stayed over, the summer that the events of the show takes place in is just the first time they stayed for an entire summer.

Imagine if, about five years before the show starts, little 7-8 year old Mabel falls into the bottomless pit and somehow gets ejected to the only other thing out in the multiverse with the same dimensional signature as her; Jerk Ford, her great uncle who has been missing for twenty five years.

Jerk Ford sees this crying little kid and he takes pause because, for one thing what is a kid doing in Mystery Flesh Pit National Park in the Body Horror Dimension, and another thing why does she have an eerie resemblance to his nephew, who was only ten years old the last time that he saw him?

Jerk Ford at first was considering leaving her to the lost and found at the tourist outpost of the national park, but then she called him "Grunkle Stan." (Because she is mistaking him for Stanley, and Grunkle why did you cut your hair?) And it's all over.

Jerk Ford, a multidimensional space hobo vagabond who has been trying to get home for the past twenty five years at this point and has had absolutely no contact with his family for obvious reasons, he just goes YOINK THIS IS MINE NOW.

And why is this the worst timeline for the Jerk Ford AU?

You know that scene in the Lion King when Rafiki is holding up Simba to the valley? Well, imagine Jerk Ford doing the same thing with Mabel. Except she's like this:

Because Jerk Ford already has poor impulse control when it comes to pettiness without his brother to reign him in, and now he has Mabel who is a very similar brand of unhinged as he is, they're just subjecting the entire multiverse to a path of glittery destruction the likes have which have never been seen before and will hopefully never be repeated.

Jerk Ford was already wilding all on his own now he has Mabel who has so many ideas. And she has this pathetic, lonely man wrapped around her little finger.

Also, Jerk Ford is a known runner. He does not fight if he doesn't see himself winning, and he'll usually go out of his way to not kill people. He just lacks the trigger-happy 'shoot now journal about it later'-gene that most Fords have. (He has very specific exceptions)*

But in a scenario where he has Mabel? Where he isn't facing consequences all by himself? He isn't letting anything in the multiverse so much as breathe rudely in her direction. So now, he isn't just some jerk or mostly harmless nuisance, he is stacking bodies (not in Mabel's line of sight, obviously).

The (Jerk) Ford Hate Club is besides themselves. Now, stopping or killing Jerk Ford isn't their only prerogative, they also need to 'rescue' this small, innocent child from The Worst Ford and his influence. Unaware that the terrible-flavoured beanboozled jellybeans that keep making their way into their catering were all her idea.

When Jerk Ford and Mabel return in 2012, Dipper is besides himself because, sweet Moses his sister is alive! She's really alive!

But she's been with with The Author who he hates, and being raised by him for the past five years has had obvious effects on her development.

She's still happy go lucky and nice, she's not a jerk at all like her Grunkle Ford.

But she's basically a supervillain who is on the FBI's Most Wanted List in every dimension she's been to that has one, and some organizations both official and criminal consider her a bigger threat than Jerk Ford (relative to body size).

Her sunny disposition did not change at all; she's blowing up whole buildings with a damn smile on her face

It's terrifying. This is the worst Jerk Ford timeline.

*While he was in the multiverse, instead of celebrating Jewish holidays the traditional way there was no point without his family, he would travel to different parallel Earth dimensions to kill Nazi’s. He would try to be a little more traditional, and halt the killing spree while he had Mabel with him, she was too young for murder.

[sippy--sippy]

stray ball (hinata shoyo x reader)

-

summary: you get approached by a stranger while enjoying your day at the beach. shoyo comes to your rescue

word count: 1,743

a/n: a little shoyo drabble while i work on something a little beefier aka an osamu miya (23) owner of onigiri miya fic. can’t write a fic for just one of the twins, now can i?

The beach was always bustling with activity in Brazil, especially on sunny weekends like this one. Tourists and locals alike were taking advantage of the sunny day, amidst a week full of rain, and Shoyo and yourself were no different. Ever since moving to Brazil with Shoyo after his time with MSBY, the beach has become your new favorite spot to sit and relax.

It took a while to adjust to the extremely hot temperatures, but with the aid of copious amounts of sunscreen, an umbrella and sunglasses, the beach was perfect. An added bonus, of course, was watching Shoyo tear up a sand volleyball court with his Brazilian friends. He missed his old teammates and colleagues in Japan and you both missed your families dearly, but this new life was exciting and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Your new favorite hobby was watching Shoyo play beach volleyball. His tan had come back full force now that he was back in the sun every day, freckles and sunspots covering almost every inch of his body. His regular attire most days included shorts, an athletic tank top and a pair of sunglasses to help him see in the glare of the sun. You loved these outfits because it gave you a front row seat to watch his hard-earned muscles work as he played.

Today was no different. You watched him play as you lounge in your small beach chair, protected under the cover of an umbrella and a book in your hand. All around you, families and individuals were dotted along the beach. Some were playing in the water, while others were lounging on the beach like you. Various sports games were in play as well. Lots of groups were playing beach volleyball, others were kicking a soccer ball around.

You focused mostly on Shoyo’s game in front of you as he played against a random duo with his friend Heitor. Usually, Heitor’s wife Nice and their kids join you on the beach but one of their kids had a fever so they decided to stay home. So instead, you buried your nose in a book to pass the time.

After applying another layer of sunscreen to your legs, you kicked back in your chair and propped open your book, glancing over at the volleyball game. As always, Shoyo looked like he was having the time of his life. He loved the challenge of playing on the sand in contrast to playing on a hardwood floor.

“Got it!” he yelled, as he crouched low to receive a spike, perfectly bumping it to Heitor who set the ball right back to Shoyo. Jumping high in the air, Shoyo executed a perfect line shot and gave the two of them another point. Cheering, the two high fived each other and Shoyo went back to dish out another serve.

Smiling at his energy, you returned to reading with a content sigh. The chatter of people around you was pushed to the back of your mind as you got lost in the pages. You don’t know how long you were reading until you were interrupted by someone yelling “Heads up!”.

Flinching back to prepare for whatever was coming your way, you were showered with a spray of sand when a soccer ball slammed into the beach right next to you. Cursing under your breath, you wiped the coarse sand off your face and spit out the couple of grains that got in your mouth. You looked up as the culprit ran up next to you.

“Sorry! Kicked it a little too hard.”

It was a man, seemed to be your age, and you supposed he would be attractive if you weren’t head over heels in love with the ginger that was playing just down the beach. He was tall and broad, neglecting to wear a shirt to show off his well toned body. He gave you a confident smirk as you nudged the soccer ball back in his direction with your foot.

“I would’ve kicked it in your direction a lot sooner if I knew someone as gorgeous as yourself was sitting here all alone. I’m Davi, nice to meet you! Where you from?”

This Davi person plopped himself down in the sand right next to your chair, sitting way too close for comfort. You gave him a strained smile and glanced over to where Shoyo was playing. He unfortunately hadn’t seen the stranger approach you, too engrossed in his game to notice.

“I’ve lived here for a couple years now, but I was born in Japan.”

Davi looked intrigued and propped his elbows up on his knees which brought his hands uncomfortably close to your bare thighs. You shifted to sit a little further away from him, hoping he would get the hint and leave but he stayed rooted in his spot.

“Cool! I was born and raised here. If you’d like, I can show you some of my favorite local spots! I’ve got a couple of bars in mind, some nice restaurants. I know a guy that owns a private beach with some of the clearest water you can find in Praia Grande. What do you say?”

You were sure it was painfully obvious your smile was fake, but you didn’t care. “Sorry Davi. Like I said, I’ve lived here for a couple years so I’m familiar with the local haunts and this beach works just fine for me. Plus, my boyf-”

Davi cut you off. “C’mon beautiful, it would be fun!” He reached out to rest his hand on your thigh.

This was your last straw. You tried to let him off easy to get the sleazebag away from you, but being nice obviously wasn’t working. You were about to stand up from your chair to tear into him, but before you could, a volleyball came sailing over and drilled Davi right in the side of his head. The ball then gracefully fell right into your lap. Your smile turned into a genuine one when you saw your hero leisurely jogging your way, in no rush to check on the man who was just clocked by a powerfully spiked volleyball.

“Ah, sorry about that, guy! Didn’t see ya there!” Shoyo happily exclaimed, coming to a stop in front of you both.

Davi was rubbing his cheek that was already beginning to turn bright red, the faint outlines of volleyball stitches starting to form. Shoyo gently took the ball from your hands, giving you a slight look that was his quiet way of asking if you were alright. You gave him a reassuring smile which seemed to calm his nerves. He served the ball back to Heitor, who had already found a new partner to help him continue the game, before snagging the giant bottle of sunscreen that sat next to you. He settled himself down in the sand right between your legs and handed you the sunscreen over his shoulder.

“Could you give me a touch-up, babe? I can feel my last coat starting to wear off.”

You were shocked by his nonchalant attitude, but you weren’t really surprised. Shoyo was the nicest person you had ever met, and probably ever will meet. He wouldn’t be the type of guy to get angry and yell at someone if they were hitting on you, as it wasn’t in his nature. But he could put his foot down in other ways like he was now. Not giving Davi the time of day and making it very clear to him that he wasn’t wanted or needed here and that you were already happily with someone else.

You took the sunscreen from Shoyo’s hand and gave Davi a sweet smile. “Sorry, maybe next time.”

Davi didn’t give any more pushback, slinking away in defeat back to his soccer group. You gathered up a generous amount of sunscreen in your palms and started to knead it into Shoyo’s golden shoulders. He tilted his head back once Davi was out of earshot to look at you, concern swimming in his brown eyes.

“Are you ok? I’m sorry I didn’t come over sooner, I was too distracted with the game to realize something was wrong. I’m going to watch you more from now on when Nice and the kids aren’t here so it doesn’t happen again, alright?”

Your heart swelled with adoration. Shoyo was always so attentive and concerned about your wellbeing. It was one of the things that attracted you to him in the first place. Placing your hands on the sides of his face, you tilted his head back just a little more so you could plant a tender, upside down kiss on his lips. His face was hot from playing in the sun for hours.

After a couple seconds, you pulled away and looked into his eyes with a loving smile. “I’m ok, Sho. Thanks for rescuing me. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. I think he thought I was a random tourist.” You giggled.

Shoyo smiled and brought his arms up to drape over your legs that trapped him on either side, running his fingers over your shins. “Good thing I got here in time. Any longer and you might’ve run off with him.”

You knew he was teasing. He knew that you’d rather walk right into the ocean in front of you and drown rather than be with someone that wasn’t him. He knew that because he’d do the same thing.

After you finished thoroughly massaging the sunscreen into the muscles of his neck, shoulders and the parts of his back that were visible around his tank top, you leaned forward to press a kiss to the nape of his neck. He squeezed your shins in response and melted into the cradle of your legs. You carded your fingers through his damp hair and watched the volleyball game that Shoyo had abandoned.

“Don’t you want to get back to the game?”

Shoyo shook his head and buried his toes into the warm sand in front of him. “Nah, I think I’ll stay here and watch with you. Also, I heard that guy mention he knows someone that owns a private beach around here? Wanna do some internet stalking and try to find that beach so we can go skinny dipping tonight?”

You laughed and squeezed his body with your thighs, busying yourself by drawing lines between the freckles on his back. “That sounds perfect.”

-

a/n: i am a hinata shoyo truther. also, hypothetically speaking, which haikyuu man would unironically work at hooters? like he’s a waiter, big boobas straining in a tiny little tight crop top and short shorts. i’d just like to see it.

[int-writersmind]

Potential Customer

Summary: You work at a record store, bored out of your mind, until Peter Parker walks in and catches your eye. Peter Parker x Reader 

*also I wrote this with the Ps4/5 Peter Parker in mind, but honestly it's generic enough to be any Peter.

Genre: Fluff; Flirting

Word Count: 2k+

When you decided to take a job at So-So Records, you thought it would be like that movie Empire Records where every day would be an exciting romp, well hopefully not a potential job-losing-filled-romp. Unfortunately for you it was much more boring.

Your days were mostly filled with dealing with tourists who were kind-hearted but utterly clueless or pretentious audiophiles who would give you their opinions without even asking you. However, for all your big talk you weren’t that knowledgeable when it came to music, you just liked what your liked and were opened to suggestions (from unpretentious, kind customers of course.)

It was a weekday, you couldn’t remember which, since they all seem to blend together when working back-to-back shifts. You were alone, the shop had a few customers idling around. 

You were at the front counter, elbow resting on the check-out counter, head resting on one hand, the other lazily flipping through a catalog. When the front bell rings, your eyes barely flicker upwards. It isn’t until that potential customer who walked through the front door is standing right in front of you do you finally look up.

“Um, hello?” says the Potential Customer.

“Welcome to So-So Records,” you decide to stand up straight and give your full attention to this Potential Customer. Clueless Tourist or Pretentious Audiophile? “Can I help you with anything?”

“Uh, yeah, um,” The Potential Customer, a mid-twenties guy with chocolate brown hair and amber eyes that complemented, reached into his satchel and pulled out a notebook, flipping through the pages. “I’m actually looking for this album? I’ve been to a few other places and had no luck, they all say So-So would be my best chance.”

The Potential Customer, with his slouchy shoulders and tendency to fidget quite often, placed a hand on the back of his neck, rubbing up and down. Your eyes dart from the hand on the back of his neck to the hand that gives you the notebook. Your gaze lingers a little too long on his long, slender fingers. Strange, you know, but sometimes the most attractive parts of a human were really strange. 

You refocus, eyes skimming the paper, on it was a title and artist, your brain flickers with the passing glance of the cover. “Uh, yeah, I…think we have this, follow me.”

You move from behind the desk, taking the notebook in hand, glancing at the words once more. You lead– 

“I’m Peter by the way, I know you didn’t ask, but still…” You glance back, gesturing to your name tag, as you lead Peter down the aisles of various genres of music. “I actually never been to a record store before, didn’t even know they still existed.”

“I was like that too for a while,” You stop at a section where the older music was located, placing the notebook on one section of records. “Gotta thank the hipsters for making it popular again, even though they are some of the most annoying customers.”

“The only memory of records I have is when my Aunt and Uncle used to play some every so often on the weekends.”

You start to flip through the albums, scanning for the right one, “Do they still find time to play some?” 

Peter sighs and leans against a row of records, looking elsewhere, “No, no, my Uncle, actually…passed some time ago...”

You stop for a moment, fingers pausing, you look in his direction. As if he could feel your eyes on him, he looks up at you. His face, neutral with maybe a hint of sadness. Like he was used to saying that a loved one who must have been important in his life was gone, but also still hurt when thinking about him. 

“Apologies.” You say, not completely happy with the response. How many times had he heard that?

“Don’t be,” Peter crosses his arms, smirks a boyish grin that makes him even more appealing. “It made me think of a nice memory that I forgot about, more memories about Uncle Ben will never not be nice.”

You smile as you return back to searching for the record, “Oh, look I found it! That’s surprising.”

Peter moves closer, hovering over your right shoulder to get a better look, You sharply suck in breath, turning your head to look at him. Peter glances at you, and smiles, “That’s great, kind of a shame though.”

“Why?”

“'Cause it means I have to leave now,” You hand him the record and the notebook, to which Peter plucks it from your hand, looking over the front and the back, while moving away from you. You exhale deeply as you follow behind him.

“Who says you have to go? Unless you have somewhere to go?” You finally say.

“I think I can spare some time,” Peter looks down at his pretend watch on his bare wrist, “Are you gonna introduce me to some music that will change my life?”

“Please,” You laugh as the two of you lazily walk down the aisle, “I’m hardly the last person to do so.”

“Don’t you-” 

“Work at a record store? I know, I know, but I like what I like. Sue me if it’s Top 100.”

The two of you stop at the end of the aisle, you standing at one end of a row of records, Peter moving over and doing the same.

“I guess it’s better than getting made fun of for having an old man's taste.”

“Really? You get hate for having a love for the oldies? That’s some bullshit, especially in a place like New York.”

“Well, when you're a nerdy kid with thick glasses and a love of science, it’s not so cool” Peter flicks through the stack, pulling up an album by a band that was huge in the 70s. 

“Hmm, if you like that group,” You flick through some albums on your side, skimming until you land on the second record by a female-led group from around the same time. “How about this?” You model the record, posing with it, flipping it from front to back. “And…it’s on sale.” You move over to the same aisle as Peter, standing close to him like he did to you earlier. 

Peter takes the record from your hand, “I think younger, nerdier me would have loved this.”

“Younger, nerdier, you sounds like he was such a cutie.” You response. 

“Was?”

You shyly smile back, moving away with your hands behind your back. ”

This was grossly unprofessional, what were your intentions with this potential customer? Making a sale or making a move. You push that thought out of your head, if you were making him uncomfortable or pushing it too far, then he wouldn’t be smirking at you like that. That smile that causes a slight flurry of butterflies in your stomach. 

The two of you continue your walk back to the front, the long way of course. Bobbing and weaving through different aisles, many short, some long. Passing through pop–contemporary and classic, and some RnB, ending up at one end of the store, in the rock section. “What were you like in high school?” Peter asks.

“Quiet, mostly,” You lean against the wall and Peter does the same next to you. “Not too popular but I had friends, spent a lot of time with my art and music teachers, focused on doing little stuff like that instead of more fun extracurricular activities.”

“Huh, yeah I get it, I found some time to do some little stuff to distract myself in high school too. Nothing…too exciting.” 

You inch closer to Peter and so does he, to the point where the two of you bump shoulders. “Oh sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Peter says.

You open your mouth, but nothing comes out. The two of you just stare at one another, the hum of whatever record you put on earlier lightly plays in the air. The dry smell of the older, original pressings of albums of the past, filling up the room. 

You dart your eyes downward, quickly, towards his lips, before looking away. God, now this was unprofessional. “Shit, sorry.” You move off the wall, but Peter’s hand on your wrist causes you to turn. His touch wasn’t aggressive, or rough, but gentle and light. Like a feather was tickling the underside of your hand instead of his long, slender fingers. 

Ding-Ding!

Both of your heads turn towards the door, a middle aged couple walk in, wonder in their eyes, cameras slung over their head. Clueless Tourists. You and Peter look at one another, before resigning to the situation and finally making it to the front. You, behind the counter, Peter in front, the two records under his arm.

“Hello, welcome to So-So Records, I’ll be here if you need me.” You say to the newest potential customers, as they give you that polite nod, and split off into the rest of the store. Peter places the records on the table, when all of sudden his phone goes off, he opens it and stares intently at the screen. “Something wrong?”

“No, ah yes, no,” Peter says, his head whipping from his phone to you multiple times. “I-God, I hate to do this but I can’ take these right now–”

“You can always come back.” You take the records from the counter, holding them in your hand.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I close tonight, you can come back later and get them.” You place the records behind you, before looking back nervously. “I mean only if you want, obviously, duh.”

“Duh.” Peter dryly chuckles, glancing once more at his phone. “I really have to leave, but I’ll be back, I promise. It’s a date. I mean, no, not a date, but–”

“I gotcha.” You wink and smile at Peter as he nervously backs up, sneaking in a last look before leaving through the door, with a ding-ding.

God, you can not believe what just happened! Are you some teenage girl whose knees go weak when a semi-attractive guy shoots you a smile? Who’s touch makes your face heat up, even if it’s just shoulders touching, or gentle, kind, fingertips on your wrist?

For the rest of your shift, you did more of the same that you did every day at your job. Helping customers, listening to unsolicited music advice, and a lot of needless flipping through the store’s catalog.

As the day wined down, the sun dipping into the horizon, you made peace with the fact that Peter wasn’t coming back. Whatever, this  is reality not some rom-com where fate will bring the two leads back together at the end.

You also decided to buy your recommendation to Peter as well, you had plenty of copies of it in the store, so if he decides to come back after all, he could get his own copy. 

You pull down the store’s  front gate, squatting down to lock the padlock, pulling it to make sure it was secure, the record under your arm.

“Making away with customers orders I see.”

You turn to face the familiar voice, Peter slightly out of breath, but still as charming as he was this morning. “Potential customer.” You say, standing up, smiling ever just subtly.

“Sorry I’m late,” Peter glances at the closed store, with its darkened lights and gated entrance. “Like really late.”

“Hmm, that’s ok,” You turn to walk down the sidewalk, your head peering over your shoulder, “Walk with me?” 

As you walk down the sidewalk, record held in your arms across your chest, Peter falls in rhythm with you, so close that his hand occasionally grazes your leg. Jokingly you say, “I thought you forgot all about me, wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Oh god no,” Pete dryly chuckles. “The only thing I could think about was you, I-I mean coming back here to pick up the records and uh, and also to see you, I guess.”

“Ah, you guess huh?” 

The two of you wait at a crosswalk, before deciding to jaywalk as there were no cars in sight, you make a turn once you get to the other side, on the block that you lived on.

“I was actually coming to tell you that I no longer need that record actually, the one I came in for. It was for a, uh, a project that quickly evolved to…something else.”

“Ok, I see,” Your head turns to Peter and he does the same, your eyes lock on to one another, his face filled with nerves. “You were gonna come all the way back here to not buy something. That’s a first, I would have preferred ghosting.”

Peter laughs again, shaking his head, “No, no, I was still gonna get the record that you suggested to me. Sounds more up my alley anyway.” You stop in front of your apartment building, with Peter placing his hand on your arm to move out of another couples way. The two of you stand in front of the building's metal gates. “But it seems I have to come back during business hours to do so.”

“Or not.”

Peter raises his eyebrows in confusion, as you reach in your jacket’s pocket for a notebook you always kept. You write down something on the paper, using the pen you stuck in the notebook holder, tearing off the page. You place the paper on top of the record and push it towards him.

“No I can't-”

“I’m not giving it to you.” You say, “I’m lending it to you. Listen to it, listen to it again and then…call me, or text me and let me know how it is.” Peter takes the record and piece of paper from your hands, his fingers brushing yours. “And don’t ghost me, it would be a shame if I never get to see-talk to you again.”

“Yeah…it would be…”

“Goodnight Peter.”

Peter says your name, it makes your heart flutter just for a moment when he does so, ‘“Goodnight.” But the two of you don’t leave, you two just stare at each for a little longer.

Your phone rings and you’re forced to look at it.

“My roommate, she gets antsy if I don’t come home exactly when I say I will.”

“I understand.”

You nod and turn to walk into the building. Before you go through the doors, you glance back to see Peter staring at the piece of paper before looking up at you, that same smirk on his face. 

God, you are so unprofessional.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read Part 2 -> Hanging on the Telephone!

Oh my goodness this is my first fic on Tumblr! Please be kind and comment if you like, like if you prefer, reblog if you're like that, I won't judge. Always open for suggestions and to ~virtually~ meet others! I'm so new to this and I know I'm currently talking into the void but, whatever...Bye, thanks if you made it this far!!!

masterlist

[lucybellwood]

I’ve been meaning to repost this mini-essay I wrote for Global Maritime History back in 2015 for AGES and since today's dash is full of people lamenting the burden of Boat Knowledge this seems like the right time.

ONWARD FOR TALL SHIP ART TIPS!

I often get questions from people who are concerned that their illustrated boats aren’t going to be up to snuff, and the short answer is generally: don’t sweat it. If you’ve drawn a thing that has a hull in the water and sails in the air, you’re off to a great start, and if you consult a few handy reference images, you’re bound to end up with something that looks mostly ship-like.

HOWEVER. There are a couple things that often get lost in translation which—if you pay attention to them—can make the difference between a passable tall ship and a vessel that definitely looks like you know your baggywrinkle from your bunghole. Here’s two tips to get you started.

Flags in the Wind

Generally when we think of a thing that’s going fast, we imagine a flag streaming out in the wind behind it, right? Well, when it comes to square rig sailing, things aren’t always so simple. If the wind is coming up from behind a ship—or from the side—to push it forward, the flag may be flying in a direction you wouldn’t expect! How are the yards angled to catch the wind in the sails? What’s driving the vessel forward? Sailors often look to flags for a quick indicator of wind direction—use that thought process when drawing your ships.

Keep Your Shrouds Tight!

Those rope ladder-looking things sailors are always clambering up? They’re called shrouds, and they also form a large part of the tensioning system that keeps a ship’s masts stable and upright. Stays (lines that don’t move i.e. stay put) are arranged throughout the rig to maintain even aft-to-fore pull on the masts and prevent them from keeling over. Shrouds form the lateral component of that system, so here’s an important fact: they will not be saggy. No saggy shrouds. No saggy stays. In addition to making the mast unstable, it’d be a devil to climb in heavy weather.

Note: the ratlines (the “ladder rungs” of the shroud) can have slack in them—it’s the vertical lines that should be tight.

When the crew is “tuning the rig,” they’re putting slack in all the stays and then re-tensioning them to ensure that the whole operation is as stable as possible, so unless you’ve got a bunch of idiots running your fictional vessel, keep ’em tight.

And another thing…

I see a lot of people running their shrouds down to the deck, rather than alongside the vessel. Don’t do that! I mean, okay, sometimes shrouds do attach to chain plates on-deck, but most of your classic Golden Age of Sail vessels will have them running alongside to the channels. Also: they end in deadeyes to help with the tensioning of the line and to keep things stable, so don’t forget your deadeyes!

Honestly, these are the biggest things that I see artists flub when drawing tall ships, so if you can keep them in mind, you’ll be head and shoulders above the rest!

If you’re looking to go more in-depth with your research, I would recommend…

Seeing if you can find a modern replica of the type of ship you’re after and then centering your reference search around the name of that ship. I get far more extensive results when I’m searching for “Privateer Lynx” rather than “1700s topsail schooner.” Don’t discount the many photos tourists will have taken while visiting these ships!

Nose around on model ship-building forums. There is no greater boon to the modern nautical artist than these obsessive craftspeople, who will spend hundreds of hours replicating classic ships in minute detail—often photographing the whole process so you can actually see how the rig of a vessel is put together! God bless ’em.

And that’s all I’ve got! I hope you’ve enjoyed this brief foray into accurate tall ship representation. Fair winds and following seas!

[a-bit-too-much-of-a-zelda-fan]

I really like the decision to set TotK a few years after BotW, as opposed to the few months we’re used to in direct Zelda sequels. It gave the world a substantial amount of time to change. Hyrule is livelier. In the years of relative peace since Calamity Ganon was vanquished, it’s been allowed to grow and thrive. Hateno Village, the largest Hylian settlement, is becoming economically significant as a tourist destination and food supplier. It’s especially cool to see Riju, Tulin, and Kass’s kids mature into their adult/teenage years, respectively.

Building on that, I think it’s neat that Link is in his early twenties now. This is the oldest Link we’ve ever played as (Skyward Sword held the previous record at 17.5 y/o). He’s had time to adjust to life post-calamity. His traumatic mutism seems to be all but gone. You ever notice just how much he talks in this game? Dialogue options galore, he’s constantly explaining things to other characters, all that. And he’s more expressive, too. He outright laughs when he fuses weapons.

Link’s relationship with Zelda has also had time to grow. Guys. Fellas. Broskis. They live in the same house. In which there is only one bed. They are together. The implication here is that they share most of their meals together, and remember, it’s key to his characterization that he opens up emotionally when he’s cooking or eating. That means there has been a lot of quality bonding time between them.

Before and during the Calamity, Link served as Zelda’s royal bodyguard because the king demanded it of him. Given how he went mostly mute from the pressure of being entrusted with the princess’s safety and being chosen as the Hylian Champion (at age 17, mind you), I’d wager he didn’t particularly like the assignment until he started bonding with her. He looks downright sad when she snaps at him in that one memory at the shrine. Hell, he doesn’t smile once in the memories.

But you know what? I get the feeling that Link protects her now not out of duty like he used to, but out of love. That’s powerful because “love conquers all” and all that, but also, there’s no external pressure to be her bodyguard. Until the Upheaval, he was done being a special little hero. He was just a swordsman, but he still went where Zelda went to protect her. So instead of being crushed by that pressure, protecting her is an expression of his love for her. It’s a choice and he’s doing it because he wants to, not because it was forced on him.

That’s a lot of growth to go through, and it was paced over several years. He doesn’t appear to have aged much, but enough time has passed that Hudson has a daughter who can hold a mature conversation. That’s what, 5 years old? Yeah, Link is in his early twenties. Fucking finally, the task of saving the world falls on the shoulders of an adult (although speaking as someone entering his mid-twenties, that honestly isn’t much better).

I’m starting to ramble here so I’ll leave a parting observation of Link and Zelda’s house in Hateno. Zelda has redecorated a fair bit since moving in with Link, replacing his weapon racks with photos of her horse and various Hyruleans (her subjects who she cares deeply for), but the photo of her, Link, and the Champions is still up. And that’s really cute.

[naturistgirl]

Crowded Tourist Spots, Deserted Places and the 'Textile Offended'

I live close to a beautiful tourist area. For a naturist that can be frustrating. The beautiful landscapes, valleys, hill tops and woodlands near where my home, come in two flavours - crowded and deserted.

I am openly naturist. I hate getting tangled with the 'Textile Offended'. Let me explain my meaning. Most people I meet are generally accepting of naturism; happy and cheerful in their greetings; few are ever offended. All of us have seen a naked woman before. The 'Textile Offended' apparently aren't among them. These are people who walk past you several times to get a closer look or even a photo on their phone. They are likely to go out of their way, even changing direction so that they can be 'offended'. They wear clothes and in this hot sticky summer weather they can get awfully hot and bothered. If possible I like to avoid the risk of being on the same path. They will come up to you to tell you you're 'breaking the law' (you aren't) or 'damaging children' (naturism is NOT a safeguarding issue). The clothed don't offend me by wearing textiles but I do draw the line at them bothering me with groundless arguments and accusations. That does offend me and and it can spoil my day!

Yesterday we went hiking above Newchurch-in-Pendle. This is a well frequented area with people climbing Pendle Hill. It is a very pretty village and one associated with the Pendle Witches. There is a little shop here 'Witches Galore' and the churchyard reputedly has a hanged witch buried there. See the little witches on brooms on the fingerpost above? It gets busy in summer (and on Hallowe'en).

I generally don't even put clothes on to start with. I do however carry a side tie bikini with me 'just in case'; little triangles of cloth that cover me (barely). I have 'Daisy Dukes' too if necessary and a very skimpy little gingham blouse. They don't get much wear and the bikini is pretty pointless anyway but they do keep the 'textile offended' at bay! Yesterday I had to wear them for a little while as there were plenty of people about. It is one of the penalties of visiting textile tourist spots!

Once naked, I STAY naked, even if I see someone approaching. They have already seen me, so what? Nothing looks worse than scrambling furtively into clothes or hiding behind a rock! Just be bold; smile (a lot) and say a very cheerful 'Hello' (around here the phrase is 'How do?' Generally, my 'emergency textiles' stay neatly in my bag where they belong!

The photographic shots here were all taken in relaxed fashion as we walked the track away from the village towards Ogden Clough. It demonstrates how you can do a little naturism even in a really popular tourist area.

Most people just tend to hang around the pretty village, buy souvenirs and take cute photos on their phones. I really like that they do! It keeps them off the trails. Yes, we did see a few people hiking on the same path as us but they were mostly busy, like us, enjoying the great outdoors.

If another hiker comes along the path behind me (one did), I don't really worry too much. I don't think my derrière is capable of offending anyone? I hope not! Hopefully the same is true for my husband. Girls like tight buns too!

Finally an entreaty! Tumblr is first and foremost a Blog Site. If you are a naturist like me and enjoyed this blogpost, please like, share and re-blog with my blessing. Do add your own affirmative comments. More important, if you feel inspired to hike clothes free, please blog about it too! Though there are maybe 6.5 million naturists in the UK, we do need some more!

I welcome messages from anyone who generally wants to know more about naturism. I also love to chat with other naturists about the lifestyle. This ISN'T a sexually themed blog however (I do have one of those too but the photos will never appear here).

Indeed a Naturist lifestyle is NOT about having lots of sex simply because you're naked! Paradoxically, sex is NOT about nudity and the absence of clothing. Erotic clothing (and its gradual removal) is a sexual tease and a must!. I also work as an adult model. Photoshoots generally start with underwear and what happens when it is removed! As a naturist I simply don't wear any!

My perennial postscript: Thank you to this wonderful guy (my loving husband) for the photos shown here. (I married my photographer!)

Without him, these blogs would be all words. He makes the blog special with what he does and I love him to bits.

Walking together with Mart, we are a naturist couple and if we meet anyone else, this is generally more acceptable (for some reason) than being alone. Single naturist men are often criticised, single naturist women tend to get chatted up (and delayed!).

Jane xx

[tokiro07]

Ichi the Witch ch.26 thoughts

[Literal Tourist Trap]

(Topics: worldbuilding - Kagami, speculation - Bakugami)

...Yeah, shoulda seen one coming

Of course Ichi charged in instead of formulating a strategy, that's what he does, and we love him for it

So this chapter was mostly for expositing the history and relationship between Bakugami the Magik and Bakugami the country (which I'll refer to by its old name of Kagami to avoid confusion going forward). This didn't make for a particularly exciting chapter, but a necessary one for setting the tone of what's to come

The Bad Ol' Days

Ten years ago, Kagami was undergoing an economic crisis due to the rise of magic item production in neighboring countries, a practice which Kagami used to have a monopoly on

Kagami being a land of magic item crafters goes a long way in explaining Gokuraku, as it means that his capacity to create and graft magic items onto his body didn't come from nowhere, and is instead a skill with likely deep personal meaning to him as a family legacy. It also gives a small glimpse into how Kagami may bounce back after they inevitably lose Bakugami, as Gokuraku's methods are likely extremely advanced compared to the rest of the world

It was also mentioned last week that Bakugami raised Kagami from underground, but there was no direct acknowledgment of that in this chapter. However, I did notice that until Kagami becomes a tourist attraction, the sky in the flashback is never actually shown. There are a couple of shots where you see something that could be the sky, but it's colored in either solid gray or white as opposed to how it's usually drawn with clouds and some gradation. Every other panel though is either indoors or shot from a birds-eye-view, cleverly obscuring the skyline

Kagami being an underground country was likely by design, as it helped them both forage for material and keep that material away from others who might steal it. Once the bubble burst, however, it merely isolated their people from any other economic opportunities that trade and agriculture would have provided for them. Worse, it means that there's no fresh air, which may have helped disease spread among the populace, and no sunlight, which definitely contributed to their malaise

I don't think that Nishi is trying to keep it a secret that Kagami used to be subterranean considering that it was literally in the script last week, but I think that the original Japanese might have been a bit more subtle about its intention and that it is supposed to be somewhat of a surprise when we learn it

Either way, knowing that Kagami was once the premiere magic item country, we also get a bit more context into the mines: they were undoubtedly mining a special ore that facilitated crafting magic items. I don't know what properties this ore has, but it's most likely the stone or metal that Gokuraku has embedded in his spine, and is probably also what his armor is made of, just differently refined

If I had to guess, this ore is going to be a major plot point sooner or later, whether or not Bakugami has any knowledge of or interest in it. Personally, I would expect that it was a contributing factor in his decision to make Kagami his base and eventual victims - either that ore has some kind of positive effect on him and has been helping him become stronger faster, or he sees it as a threat to himself and the World Hater and is trying to eliminate it

That, or he was just attracted by the country's sadness as a perfect snack for him and everything else was a coincidence

Long Con Meal Prep

While the exact mechanism of Bakugami's ability hasn't been elaborated on yet, it's made explicitly clear that he's effectively eating peoples' sadness and growing bigger from it

This is likely why he stopped growing a year ago, because the country is too happy, and the number of sad tourists coming in to unload their sadness onto him is likely too small to contribute to him getting any stronger due to the entry fees. This may or may not be why Bakugami has chosen now to wipe out the people of Kagami, as he needs to turn all of their joy into despair at once to get any more value out of them

Or, again, that's just a convenient way to achieve the goal of sacrificing them to his idol. It doesn't really matter either way, but it is very likely that his method of destroying the country will involve manufacturing a new reason for them to be sad and then absorbing it

What's really interesting to me though is what would happen in that scenario. After Richia hugged Bakugami, it wasn't like her mother came back, she just felt way happier as her sadness disappeared. This implies that the emotion itself was gone, like Richia wasn't capable of being sad about her mother anymore

Not only would this give a clear explanation of why Gokuraku calls Bakugami a parasite, stealing important emotions from people to survive, but it also would explain why Richia seems somewhat apprehensive about the advent celebration. I think Richia might have some idea of what's going on here, like she realizes that she's now missing a fundamental portion of her self even if she doesn't know exactly what is missing

So if the people lose their sadness when Bakugami feeds upon them, what would happen if he personally gave the entire country a reason to be sad and then took away their feelings? I envision it as Bakugami rising above the people, forcing them to look on in horror and despair as he declares his intentions, only for them to all suddenly be cheering and celebrating their impending doom instead

All of their will to escape, to survive, lost in the euphoria of their deity's "salvation." They may even justify it as the price of their joy, and decide to give themselves willingly to pay for all that Bakugami has "given" them. From there, they would just be lambs to the slaughter, offering no resistance as their country meets its end

I could go on about the philosophical implications of that sort of false joy, but I think I'll wait until the narrative makes its own statements on it before I start throwing my own into the mix. I don't want to make too many assumptions about the messaging before Nishi has even said anything!

Until then, let's enjoy life!

[carionto]

Not "Party Hard" Enough...

As the Galactic cruise ship "Vinogradova" exits hyper space, the wealthy guests congregate at their viewing stations for the scheduled milling about in fancy dress and secretly getting wasted while some tour guide recites Galactipedia about whatever planet they're orbiting now.

"Here we have the illustrious Nestrall'anwa II, a most unique ocean world due to it's near perfect stillness. Eons ago a cataclysmic event destroyed it's only moon, creating a temporary ring around the planet, which we can see in this holographic recreation."

A massive array of projectors from the cruise ship emanate around the planet itself, creating a literal holographic debris ring. A most spectacular sight indeed.

"The tectonic activity is unusual as well, the plates are all moving in roughly the same directions, a sort of secondary spin cycle if you think about it. The planet spins around its axis, and the crust rotates around the mantle. Though this will become more chaotic in about six million years when one of the smaller plates will catch up and start creating underwater mountains. It is estimated that one day this planet will be incredibly mountainous and likely be able to support life."

Suddenly, the ship was being hailed by a signal coming from the water planet. After the automated system verified it is a valid source, Human no less, they opened the channel. Instantly, they were greeting by loud and obnoxious Human music, Rock'n'Roll it is called.

"Sup dudes! We saw that light show you guys put up earlier, could you do it again? That shit was sweeeeeet! Surf up!" The audio message was followed by a strange single hand gesture emoticon with the first, second and fifth appendages extended, and the third and fourth bent inwards.

Upon complying with the Human's request, the crew decided to go into manual mode and check what the fuck was going on here.

Apparently, the Humans had set up a series of floating platforms on the planet, using typical resort and amusement design patters. The Humans were mostly engaged with consuming various colorful liquids, undulating in strange patterns on a colorful floor with a mirror ball drone floating overhead, and many more were on colorful boards of some kind. Standing upright and trying to keep balance. On waves.

Wait.

Uhh...

There's three moons now.

Um, Humans?

"Sup brah! Yeah we brought the moons over. This place looked dope, we were hoping for the perfect surf world, but it was so boring when we got here a few months back. But then my bro remembered he worked on one of those space experimental projects or whatever, but after running out of funding, they had some spare moons just lying around Jupiter. So we figured, 'Hey, nobody is using these, this planet needs some juice, win-win.' Amirite!

And, um, did the Coalition approve of the moving of celestial bodies into neutral systems, per the Jimothy Law?

"Pshaw, nah bruh. Paperwork is for the computers, we're meant for the thrill, dude or dudete or dudit. Dudethem? Dudio! Dudorama... wait, is it Deuteronomy? Dudada!"

The Human continued to count variations of the term for the next several minutes, perhaps inebriated by some kind of mind altering substance, though it can be hard to tell with some Humans.

The captain of the ship decided that it's beyond his pay and they're just gonna continue the tour. Some of the Human tourists and even a couple of heavily intoxicated others did decide to cut their trip short and visit this newly tidally active world with it's Human introduced activities. Surfs up!

[221beloved]

Afternoon Stroll

(Link to ao3)

"Sherlock! What the hell are we even doing here?" John hissed, crouching behind the other man.

Sherlock just made a noise, waving a hand in the vague direction of him.

"Don't you shush me, what do you have in mind?"

They were currently hidden in a little alcove, but before John could catch his breath Sherlock grabbed his wrist and pulled him with him.

"That's not what I was thinking about when you asked me about an afternoon stroll. At least it's dark already." John muttered, running behind Sherlock in a ducked position.

"No, seriously, why are we running through a tourist area in the evening, when nothing's actually open anyway, hiding in dark corners-- whoa."

He broke off involuntarily, as Sherlock pulled him around a corner and over a mostly deserted place.

"Oh no," John breathed when he finally saw what they were heading towards.

"No, whatever it is you are thinking about, no. It's a bad idea, no."

Sherlock gave John a look over his shoulder, and the grin he was wearing was definitely worrying John. The man had a plan and he would pull through with it, no matter what.

"We're just trying to avoid the cameras," he smirked at John, then turned to conquer the last meters to one of the main tourist attractions London had to offer. John followed. As he did always.

"Just to be sure," John whispered, "You're not planning to hijack the London Eye and get us a private round, are you? Because it wouldn't be private for long. The people with those funny blue lights would turn up, and I think they would be pretty pissed."

"John," Sherlock finally turned to look at him.

"I'm not stupid. I'm a genius, remember?"

"Sometimes it's difficult to," John admitted, but the lifted corner of his mouth gave him away. He too was enjoying this. In a way.

"Well then." Sherlock grabbed John's hand and pulled him towards the barrier.

"How do you plan to get past this?"

"We'll find a way in," Sherlock chimed, and indeed, after minutes spent climbing and squeezing they were standing in front of the drivers cab.

"Well, what now?" John was panting.

Sherlock pointed towards the stairs, winding their way up at the right side of the attraction.

"What the hell--" John began, but was interrupted by the detective. The hyperactive detective, John added in his mind.

"Come on John, we don't have forever before someone will see us."

"Brilliant," John muttered, but followed Sherlock, who was currently climbing over the barrier in front of said stairs.

"And what now?" John asked once again when they'd reached the top of the stairs. Compared to the eye itself, they weren't that high, but it was high enough John supposed.

"I didn't think the struts would be that big," Sherlock said in a voice that came close to swearing.

John frowned. "And why is that important?"

Sherlock shook his head. "We'll find one that fits.

"They slowly descended the stairs again, this time staring intensely at the scaffolding.

"There," Sherlock all but shouted suddenly. He was pointing at a small strut, connecting two bigger ones horizontally.

"Hm, that one's quite far away, don't you think?"

"Nonsense, I'll just bent over the railing and..."

Before John could react properly, Sherlock had pulled something small and red from his pocket and was indeed leaning over the railing, doing something at said strut.

"Sherlock!" John hissed and grabbed Sherlock's hips under the coat to try and stabilise him.

There was a quiet metal click and then Sherlock was standing next to him securely again.

"What did you do?"

"Have a look." Sherlock was beaming at him, his eyes practically glowing in the dark.

Warily, John bent over the railing, and then froze when he saw what Sherlock had done.

There, at the barely thin enough strut, was now hanging a small, red padlock.

John narrowed his eyes and leaned even closer to have a better look. There was something engraved, too.

SH, a little heart, JW.

John straightened and turned to stare at Sherlock.

"You--"

John looked at the little red padlock, gleaming innocently in the night-light from the city, then back at Sherlock again.

"You imbecile...!"

Sherlock grinned at him proudly.

"Oh my god," John whispered, shaking his head. "Oh, my god!"

Sherlock's grin was faltering slightly, but before he could ask his usual question of 'not good?' John grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and pulled him down into a fierce kiss.

"Come on," he said when he finally pulled back.

"Let's go home."

This time John was the one to grab Sherlock's hand and pull him with him.

They'd just passed the last barrier, when a man came running towards them. A man in uniform.

"Oi, you two, don't move, stay exactly were you are!"

John and Sherlock looked at each other.

"Home?"

"Home."

And this evening, they were the ones running away from the police.

--

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