#mostly because it's ruining my physical health but lmao

[kuriboo]

have i mentioned that my favorite twitch streamer has covid i probably did i am devastated by this. he's literally just a guy he doesn't deserve this

me: wish i knew what knowing i have covid felt like. i've had covid, yeah. didn't learn that until after the fact :) i don't even know when it was.

[amuhav]

All the odd questions of the Edgy/misc OC ask meme for Loch please.

What memory would your OC rather just forget?

His one-night stand with Ash. Because Amir was right, Loch wasn't some stupid confused teenager anymore. He was a grown man who even drunk knew it was a bad idea, knew he wasn't in the right headspace to give more than that, knew he was in a rebound friend's-with-benefits thing with Alice only because he'd just got out of another relationship and questioning his sexuality and whether he was even capable of being a person in a relationship, with anyone. He knew all that, and still got drunk and did it anyway. He convinced himself they both knew what they were doing and one brief moment of pleasure would be fine, when it really cost his already spiralling mental health, and the trust and mental health of Asher. And even though they're good (mostly) now, he knows he can never take it back, and he can never change that it put Ash in that vulnerable position for someone like Finn to swoop in.

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

Not communicating honestly with people. Not just Ash, but really anyone. He rarely lets anyone know his actual wants and needs, I guess because growing up they didn't really matter.

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

I mean, depends. We know Loch has very specific lines he won't cross, but... he is still a Karaish, and all of them have a sort of built-in "the rules don't apply to me" kind of mentality lol.

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

Loch was supposed to AroAce which is honestly hilarious to me now. I mean, he is very much not asexual at all lmao, but he is kinda still on the aromantic spectrum. He knows he's never felt any romantic inclination towards any women, but he's not sure how that applies to men, though to be honest, he's at a point now where it doesn't really matter. If it's not Asher, it's no one. I really don't think he'd ever have actually been with someone legitimately if it weren't Ash.

What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

His words, and absolutely lol. It comes out more when he's drunk, but even sober push him enough and his tongue turns vicious.

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

Absodamnlutely lmao. Mainly because we're pretty alike, but also because it reminds me of the catty banter relationships I have with my friend's IRL, or some of my old work friends. Extra yes because he's a guy I could have that kind of friendship with knowing he wouldn't be catching feelings too so I wouldn't have to worry about it lol.

Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

Noooooope. All of Gen 3 happened before I really knew of the concept of face claims lmao.

What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

Made his parents emotionally absent af whilst still being physically present lmao. Like, there's so many specific events in his life I could point to instead, but him stepping in to parent his younger sibs is like, the root cause of most of his issues. But his parents weren't ever abusive, or even truly neglectful, and in their own way they are still loving parents. So it's kinda... complicated? Like, he loves them and can't hate them, and he feels any bitterness towards them isn't really worth addressing, and it's not like they can do anything about it now anyway. Like, it's not going to change what it did to him. It made him the person he is and that can't be undone, so why ruin that relationship now?

How does your OC behave when enraged?

He usually either gets bitchy or he lashes out, depending on the specifics.

Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

~anxiety~. for which he currently takes meds and has been through a course of CBT.

What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Vulnerability. He hates feeling it, and hates showing it. So he runs from it, or twists it into something else, like anger.

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

He's a lil bitch and honestly, I ~vibe~ with it lol. Especially now he's making that petty, bitchy side of himself more public. Like, there's a lot about him that drives me fuckin insane, but his cattiness definitely isn't one of them lmao.

[izzy-b-hands]

harvest, amber, and maize!

!!!! Thank u!!

TW for mental health stuff and a past incident with misogyny involved. The answers weren't gonna get serious but then they did, sorry y'all. If any of u read this all pls have this virtual prize: 🎃

Harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?

There's a good few on that list, but let's go with a recent one, and the one that'll piss off my regular Izzy Hands hater anon lmaooo. Hey bud, hope ur well! EDIT: ooh enjoy what essentially became my I Love Izzy essay aksjkfngn

Obviously, I mean Izzy. I'm gonna be like brutally honest abt myself now because why not frankly?

Like Izzy, I get left out of shit, or I'm the butt of the joke for being stringent abt rules and getting shit done before fucking around, and then fucking around mindfully if possible (but only with ppl who show they can't do both at the same time. It's a skill, honest.) It's happened since I was very little, and boy howdy you think I would learn right away that this means most ppl will hate u, but my little autistic ass did not! Izzy also apparently has not learned that yet, but I have my fingers crossed for him.

Like Izzy, I pick up the slack where I see it, in the hopes ppl I care abt aren't affected by any issues said slack might cause them. What my clinic job taught me with that, is that you make yourself indispensable and dependable yeah, but then they never promote you and stack more work on you until you break like that oar cracked over Ed's thigh. And that's bad!!! My mental and physical health prove it lmao. For Izzy's sake, I sort of hope something or someone in S2 makes him slow down before he either takes a fatal blow meant for Ed, or has a heart attack from stress.

Like Izzy, I'm not real good with love or affection. I hold a lot but I can't ever seem to figure out how to set it down or share it right with others. Compliments unsettle me before I can remind myself to shut the fuck up and just say thank you for it. I prefer, in work and school at least, to be mostly ignored as proof I'm doing well. Being pulled aside or asked for a meeting is instantly a sign I've fucked up, at least in the first instant lmao. I want to be more comfortable around others and be a better friend, a better son, a better person over all. But I don't know how to do it yet. I'm trying though. I know Izzy might not get that at all in the show, but ngl it would be cool if he did.

I'm noting the negatives mostly here because, like Izzy, the above shit means I've fucked up a lot. I've hurt ppl i didn't mean to, and ruined opportunities for myself. I've hidden from living my life beyond work and caring for others while neglecting myself, sometimes because I feel like that's all I deserve and other times to feel something.

But I'm not totally ruined, and in my opinion neither is Izzy. It'll take work on him as a character and what is in his arc for him to do and be better in any way, but I have a feeling that's not what we're too likely to get. And that's okay too, I'll just be happy for more Izzy aksnkfng. Even if he just let someone give him a hug by the end of the show, I'll take that.

Also, like Izzy, I'm a wonderful shag and I do look fucking amazing in leather 🖤

Amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

Tbh I think the above essay might be it lmaooo

But here's a silly one to contrast the above answer: Ketchup is disgusting. It just is. Tomatoes are only good for pizza sauce, nothing else. Beating the tomato into a pulp and adding water and sugar does nothing good for it unless!! this is in the process to make the aforementioned pizza sauce.

Maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.

Tbh my weirdest one is also my scariest one:

Back when I first started at the clinic and before I was out as trans/still wearing fancy dresses to work and heels (now they're an at home thing, not brave enough to wear them out anymore even when I want to)

this older dude started following me, trying to make conversation as I walked from my house to the downtown clinic (approx 12 blocks, through the downtown area of shops/restaurants, all not really open yet cuz it was like 640 AM). He's making me uncomfortable with the topics he brings up, i can only go so fast without outright running and i feel if i do that he'll just grab me. i tell him ill call the cops if he doesn't stop following me (i was dumb and like 19, now i wouldn't bother with the cops or want them involved at all)

i was lying. Back then i had a shitty iphone i hated and never used cuz no one ever called or texted me lmaoo so I lived on my ipod touch instead. this meant i never kept it charged, so it was a brick in my purse.

he met me on block four. He followed me until block eleven.

I kept trying to ignore him while i walked on, knowing I'd be late to open the clinic and fearing that fucking lecture from my asshole manager (fuck u Colette, get help before u manage anyone else)

But he's trying to snag my arm now, holding out his flip phone and telling me go ahead, do it, call the fucking cops! whore, slut, bitch, I'd pissed him off good. He claims he only wanted to find out the time from me, and that was his first question, before he asked if i wanted any company (even if i had, he wasn't my type)

I had passed only closed businesses until then, and i was starting to freak the fuck out. But, i was at block eleven, the clinic was within sight, just over the train tracks. if i could get a little closer to it, i could run and hopefully unlock the employee entrance, get in, and lock it before he caught up

Then, I see a woman cleaning the glass door of the Mexican restaurant a crosswalk and some feet away (it was in a historic train station building and had excellent food because an actual Mexican family owned it. It's since closed, and now a shitty microbrewery is in the building. Im still mad abt it lmaoo).

I bolt across the street to get there, ignoring one honked horn from a truck when i am still ninety percent sure it was not his light anyway, and scare the everloving shit out of this poor kind woman. The door is locked, the guy is now across the street and walking briskly towards us while i beat on the glass, sobbing, and beg her to let me in.

at the last second, she does. she doesn't speak a lot of English, i don't speak much Spanish, but we spanglish the moment and she locks the door once im in, shouting at the dude as he now bangs on it

y'all i wish i could thank that family so much more past what i did that day. The woman, the mom, got me some tortilla chips and water and sat me in the dining area. The dad called the cops, and their two twenty something and mid teen something sons go out the back door and start telling him to fuck off or they'd all make sure the cops took him away. They had no real obligation to even let me in, let alone shelter me more, and they did.

cops show up, and proceed to be cops: useless. They take statements from everyone, then tell the family that im being dramatic and the guy just needed to know the time. one cop asks if i want a ride to work now. I say no thanks, because im now realizing im very late and no one knows where i am/whats happening, and i just want to run the last little bit to work.

Nope, he now insists i ride in the back of his squad car while he lectures me on giving a polite man trouble like that. Before we drive off, the family gives me a wave and the guy that followed me walks off the way he came.

then i went to work, told everyone what happened in tears, got told to clean up and get to work. worked the late part of that day too after a coworker left sick. fkn sucked lmao.

Now my family refuses to let me walk anywhere alone and i feel like a child at 28. I probably shouldn't have told them abt the above lmaooo

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, July 27th, 2024.

Is there a gang problem in your area? There's definitely been an increase in crime over the last few years. I don't know about a gang problem specifically, but some of the incidents were likely gang related.

Do you make your Starbucks order more complicated if it isn’t busy? I don't. I typically order straight off the menu without any alterations.

Do you consider airports to be emotional places? They can be. I guess it just depends on the circumstances.

Where do you need to be? I don't need to be anywhere. I'm off today, so I've just been catching up on some housecleaning, making art, and watching YouTube. Who knows - I might even nap later.

Would you date an already attached person? No. I was in a polyamorous relationship in the past and realized that particular dynamic just isn't for me.

When you marry, will you wear white? I have no idea what I'll wear if I ever get married. I just know that I would prefer a quiet, small, and simple wedding, hopefully out in nature somewhere.

What vaccine that you’ve received hurt the most? I don't recall being particularly bothered by any vaccine I've received. The tetanus shot made my arm a bit sore, but that's about it.

Do you ever feel like you’re being watched? Hmm. Maybe not watched…like, not in a creepy way…but observed, noted, talked about, etc. Not necessarily in a bad way, either. Especially at the animal shelter, I feel like the word that gets around is almost exclusively positive.

What will it take to make or break this day for you? I just want today to be chill. I don't want any big surprises - good or bad. I feel like my mind needs to just deactivate for a bit, lmao.

Would you give up a dream for someone you loved? My biggest dream is to work at the animal shelter (and hopefully settle in there for the rest of my working life). Giving that up would be a huge sacrifice, so…probably not. Thankfully, I can't really imagine any circumstance under which I would feel compelled to give that up for the sake of someone I loved.

Could you date someone who’s only been your friend for a long time? I only have one friend and he's married, so definitely not. However, just as a general hypothetical question, I guess I wouldn't be against dating a longtime friend. I'd be wary of ruining our friendship if a relationship didn't work out, but if it felt worth the risk then who knows. I might go for it.

Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I'm not the type to date or "talk to" multiple people at once. I prefer to be monogamous/focus on one individual at a time.

Are you afraid to ask people out on dates? In basically all of my past relationships, there was already a bit of a connection established before we started "dating," so there wasn't really any reason to be nervous. I don't know how things will feel in future relationships, though.

Do you think it’s better to look for love or let it find you? At this point, I think it's better to just let it find me. There are other areas of my life that need work before entertaining the idea of a partnership.

Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment? To jobs mostly. <- This. That's why I'm taking things so slowly at the animal shelter. I want to make sure my mental and physical health can handle the strain before I take the plunge because I really don't want to crash and burn. Watch, though - I'm going to wind up being a full-time volunteer for the rest of my life. Totally committed in action, but technically free to come and go as I please.

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? No.

Have you ever learned an important lesson as a result of a break up? Yeah.

Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than three months of no communication? Yeah.

Do you or would you ever wear fake eyelashes? No.

Do you think that smaller breeds of dogs are cuter than big ones? I guess I don't really have a preference.

When was the last time you slept in a tent? It's been such a long time. :'(

What brand of make-up do you prefer to use? I don't wear makeup.

Do you have any siblings and if so, what’re they like? I have one younger sibling, but they haven't been part of my life for over a decade now. I have no idea what they're like anymore.

What was the last television show that you sat and watched multiple episodes of? I'm not sure. It's been years since I last watched any actual television.

Is there anything significant happening this month? Possibly…? I feel like fairly significant things have been happening to me on a somewhat regular basis lately, so...!

When was the last time you plucked your eyebrows? I plucked a few stray hairs the other day.

When was the last time you had a Poptart? A week or so ago.

Do you like hot chocolate? Yeah.

Who is your best guy friend? Oliver.

What’s your favorite Michael Jackson song? I don't have one.

Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans from? I don't have a favorite pair of jeans. I rarely ever wear them.

When was the last time you got your hair done professionally? I think the last time was in 2022.

Do you like TGI Fridays? I don't think I've ever been there.

Have you ever gotten your legs waxed? No.

Have you ever read anything by Edgar Allen Poe? Yeah.

When was the last time it rained where you live? Yesterday.

Do you like horses? They're alright. I don't have any special fondness for them, though.

What is your opinion on air pollution? Oh, I just love it. (sarcasm) I mean, what do you expect me to say, lmao.

What are your grandfathers’ names? Blah.

Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Plenty of times.

Do you know anyone that has been held hostage before? No.

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

Hi, I’m back. I completely forgot about their height difference 😭 But actually I think that’s hilarious and I’m incorporating into my headcanons.

I know exactly what you mean with hugging and not wanting anything to be reciprocated. I stopped letting people touch me because of it. To be fair, some people were weird when hugging me or when I was close to them. I like the closeness of it, but the other stuff almost ruined it for me. I backed off and now made my two cats the victims of cuddles and hugs

Hooray for financial independence 🎉🥳 I’d risk it all for health and dental tbh

My cat does the same thing. I could not breathe but I love her. My other cat likes to be spooned

I adore the adore art of their wedding 😂 Thank you to whoever drew it. I love looking at wedding rings! It’s a hobby now. I love looking at designs and different gems. I don’t what the traditional things that come with marriage but I want a ring.

Husk is having the time of his life. It would be really fucking funny if he proposed while looking like he’s having regrets at the wedding™️

I got a friend who I get to hug and hold hands with a lot, and we've been referring to it as "Being So Normal About it" which is when we hang out in my parking lot when he's dropping me off and look at whatever porn art we've managed to collect(its mostly woundfucking and Val's giant dick on my end tbh) and then go our separate ways. Got other people who aren't Normal™ about it and thats its own thing. I'll be like, "wow, I'm a lot more comfortable with sex now and I'm able to show physical affection more freely. I must be cured" and then some guy will hug me so he can presumably go jerk off about it later and I'm like "nvm I still hate this."

The first C in cnc matters kiddos lmao.

Its why communication is important babey. I'll be touchy as fuck, but not if its fuel for someone else's weird Romantic Urges. If I'm fucking its gonna be so platonic (and also probably bad because I'm not good at it) I find most descriptions of romantic love often very reductive and almost lacking genuine intimacy. I think platonic fucking is the highest form of love actually??? I say, as I have no meaningful interest in fucking anyone and also a virgin. Anyway shoutout to HardShine(not the sword)for being one of the most genuine and beautiful depiction of a canon polyQPR, that I've seen anyway. It should've been me(or it is me??? lemons instead of possums I guess)

And to be fair, Husk lost his credit card rights for a good reason. Don't ask me what a gatcha kink system is, I really don't know.

Here's them at the courthouse waiting room. I can't draw. Al made him wear a princess style wedding ballgown for the entire 5 hours it took for them to be seen and then sign the paperwork because he thought it'd be funny. Less cool then @iliss4 but mine has meme text so really who's the artist here

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #3; Testosterone HRT, How to Inject, & Its Effects On Body & Mind, Pt. 1

Note: I will likely add more sections to this at a later time, as I learn more about taking testosterone and its effects. Be sure to check back!

1. First, and this can change depending on your body type and what your own endocrinologist recommends for you,

but personally for me and for a lot of transgender men, Testosterone Cypionate, usually 200mg each dose, is the best choice, and so is taking the injection form, doing that intramuscularly, and taking them bi-weekly, meaning every other week on the exact amount of time from the time you took your last dose.

My endocrinologist explained to me that this is due to if you overload your body with testosterone constantly, or if you overdose it in an attempt to get more effects, you will instead have the opposite effect where you will instead gain estrogen, and more of it, because testosterone converts to estrogen when there's an excess of it and the body senses it as something wrong!!

So please please never take more than you are supposed to take, prescribed officially by your doctor.

They usually recommend bi-weekly for most if choosing injections, because it makes it so the testosterone spreads evenly throughout your system the entire time, and just has a very even perfect use that makes the effect stronger and it makes your body get used to it quicker, which speeds up the effects significantly, and tends to be the healthiest option.

2. Also in terms of safety, never ever get testosterone from a non-official source like the black market, online, or from a friend. You cannot trust this, as it has not been evaluated medically whatsoever.

Also, most importantly, you don't have a medical professional there to see if your hormones and all your health is correct and good to start or continue, or what dose to take, or which kind works best for your body, as well as not having any checkups, which is also vital when you take a new hormone in your body to make sure everything is balancing right!!!

So it is very dangerous, you could accidentally overdose, or your body could malfunction somehow, or you could just be injecting yourself with stuff that doesn't work ever!!

There are many things that could go wrong, so PLEASE never ever EVER do this.

Get a trans-familiar endocrinologist.

3. Now mind you, there are other options for taking T if you just cannot handle injections whatsoever.

Option one are tablets called subdermal capsules that they implant under your skin, usually under your arm or shoulder skin as it seems to spread the best that way. They will slowly leak testosterone until they replenish themselves and you have to get them replaced.

Some people praise these as they are pretty even in effects, and they make it so you have a steady supply pretty well, and also you don't have to think about it very often as the tablets last quite a while.

The downside is, that despite its evenness quality, it doesn't actually have very strong effects.

It will still give you effects for sure, but it will take a lot longer, possibly multiple years, to see the full effects of it.

There are also things known as topical testosterone, where you can put a gel or cream on yourself and it will dose you with the amount it has in it.

This is the least invasive option, however it's one with a very small amount of testosterone, so it will take some of the longest to feel, or see, effects.

Also, I have heard from some people that if you are having someone else put the gel on you, if they accidentally get it on their skin, it will literally dose them with testosterone, which is not okay if you have someone who is not trans and does not want it doing it.

So if you choose this route, please do it yourself so you're not dosing any more on to other people, and instead just on to yourself.

It also doesn't waste the dose on others that way, and you get the full effects instead.

There is also things known as oral testosterone, taken through pill form. But I have heard some bad things about these, and I have heard recommendations not to use them due to there being a lot of downsides, as it doesn't absorb into your body nearly as well as any of the other options, even the slower ones.

But really what matters is what you need, and what your body needs, so even though injections provide the most amount and the most even supply when you use them, especially bi-weekly as well, it might be different for you as every single trans guy/transmasculine person is different, physically & mentally!

And some things work better for others, so consult with your doctor, and let them know the effects and the timing you want, and they will suggest options for you if you are not able to choose yourself without assistance due to lack of knowledge etc.

I would however recommend deeply researching every section of testosterone as I did, before going to an endocrinologist, so you are very prepared and know which kind you want already which will make the appointment take less time as well.

Also you never want to rely on the information of just one person, so always research.

Don't just trust my guide immediately or anyone's guide if it's just one you read, instead do your own research on many sites & forums, and find what works for you, as I can only say what works/worked for me.

4. And when it actually comes to the fun part, the injections,

I will give you a step-by-step guide on mostly how to have someone else inject you, but you can also take my advice for injecting yourself, however I have no advice for specifics of that, such as ways to calm yourself down from queasiness when doing it yourself, since I have never injected myself due to me honestly being just a little squeamish about doing it myself.

But I've always had my mother do it, and I have watched occasionally to see how best to do it, and have experienced it quite a few times now, so I know which way is the least painful as well.

If I were ever forced to do it myself, that way I would be able to because I know how to beforehand.

Now what you do is when you pick up your prescription of Testosterone, this is assuming if you take it bi-weekly and an injection form, you get two 1 ml bottles (A month's supply) and you have to unfortunately ask for & buy the syringe that comes preloaded with the needles.

Also make sure never to ask for just a needle, cuz they will literally give you just a needle, and no syringe.

It's happened to me before, LOL.

They usually have the syringes & needles in stock almost always, but there are a few occasions where they didn't have the needles.

But it is honestly annoying having to pay for something extra when the testosterone itself doesn't cost anything, yet the injection needles you need to use it do??? Lmao.

However it's not that annoying, because they're actually relatively cheap!

Here in Nevada, with no discounts used, they usually only cost you about like $3 usually, $4 at most, so it's pretty price effective.

5. I strongly recommend this, it was my mom's edition to this by the way, she strongly recommends as well,

that you should wait at least a month before taking your first dose of T.

Even when you just received it!

The reason for this is because sometimes they will be out of testosterone or out of needles, or you won't be able to afford it for whatever reason, you never know and it's so much better to have at least 1 if not 2 backup doses and syringes + needles on hand so you never have to worry about that.

I was impatient and injected the day I got it, and so though I haven't run into a problem yet, it is stressful knowing that if a mistake happens with the injection and the fluid leaks out too much, or something happens, whatever it is, that I won't have a backup dose.

So, I would highly recommend waiting a month or even two before injecting, so you have two doses and you pick it up way before you run out every time.

That's way more efficient.

6. Now although this comes from the point of view of someone who hasn't injected themselves, and only has been injected, I pretty much know how it works so I could if I had to, I would just be squeamish.

And for a lot of people they feel the same, so it's easier to get a family member or a close friend to do it for you, as long as they're always around when you need to take your dose.

Personally I have my mom do it because she's talented at injections due to having reptiles that needed some done the same way.

So, basically, you take everything out of its containers, and make sure not to touch the needle itself ever.

Once everything's out of its containers, then make sure to test if the needle is totally closed onto the syringe.

If it is, it's good to go.

Checking the tightness of the needle is very important because if you don't, you can end up having the needle pop off inside you, and release none of the testosterone actually inside of you, wasting a dose completely & it just hurts like a SOB.

Now, take the cap off the needle.

I would recommend always sanitizing the needle, the syringe, and also having a little gauze pad or paper towel piece, all soaked with rubbing alcohol to sterilize the area you will be injecting, so there is no risk of infection at all.

Although not extremely important, I'd recommend you'd also want to bring a tiny Band-Aid.

It will be a very very tiny wound, more like a dot, but it actually bleeds quite a bit after, due to it going deep in, so it's helpful to put a Band-Aid on just for the first hour or so, then take it off and let it breathe, and it heals super quick. It'll be gone before, or by the next day, usually.

Please remember not to touch the needle ever as it'd ruin its sterilization. They're usually sterilized, but it might be a good idea to sterilize them again just in case, to basically make sure there is no risk of infection whatsoever.

Also this is just a common sense cleanliness rule,

but I still want to state it to make sure people know;

Always throw away every single needle and syringe you use, as soon as you are done using it.

Do not keep it or EVER re-inject with the same needle.

And also be sure to throw away any testosterone you have left that is excess from your dose.

You do not need that, as it goes bad and won't work after being exposed to air, so it's impossible to save and use later, unfortunately.

Now, you will be injecting intramuscularly in the leg, either leg will do, hell you can switch them up each time if you'd like. It doesn't matter much.

This means you will be injecting on the area of your thigh that is a little high up, and towards the top, but a little to the outer side.

This means the testosterone is injected straight between the muscles, and goes to the bloodstream quickly also, when you inject.

Now you want to remove the lid from the Testosterone Cypionate bottle, and shake It up very very good, so that there are no bubbles, no particles visible in the Testosterone, and no oil separation either.

If it looks completely clear, or is a slight yellowish colour but mixed together well, then you're good to go.

The possible slight yellowish color comes from the cottonseed oil that they use to store the testosterone correctly in.

It makes it to where you have to use a little bit of a bigger needle to inject yourself with, but it's actually a very very small needle and it's not painful very much at all.

A lot of myths I read about testosterone before I received it said the needles were huge and scary and painful, but the truth is they're not at all, even to me who's slightly scared of needles and has low ability to tolerate pain.

Literally, popping a zit hurts worse than the injections.

The pain is something like a very tiny ant bite, or a slight pinch on your skin, it doesn't really hurt very much at all.

In fact, whenever I take mine, even the very first time I did, I didn't even make a sound! And it's over very quickly, as well.

I would recommend for the easiest time however, for a little higher price, getting a 21 gauge syringe needle, and also an 18 gauge syringe needle for each dose you take.

The 21 gauge is larger for drawing up the testosterone from the vial easier than the 18 gauge would.

Then you remove that 21g needle from that syringe, and instead put on the 18 gauge for the actual injecting.

If you want a cheaper price tag, and/or you're just lazy like me, you can get away with using just an 18 gauge needled syringe, however it makes it much significantly harder to draw up out of the vial.

It is still quite possible, but is for sure challenging, mistakes can occur so be very careful if you choose this route.

Now when you're trying to draw up the Testosterone Cypionate out of the bottle, you want to hold it upside down, or downward at an angle kind of diagonal, and you want to make sure the needle is visibly in the liquid.

Then, you draw back slowly, but try and fill it as much as you can. You can always dispose of extra that you don't need.

If using only the 18 gauge like said earlier, which is what I personally do, it is very hard to draw up out of the bottle, so be very careful, and try to figure out the trick to it, is all I can say.

Everyone has a different trick for it.

Don't use all the testosterone in the bottle however for your actual being-injected-dose.

You need to usually use only 75 mL of the 1 ml bottle each dose.

Also before you ever inject, but after you fill the syringe, make sure to aspirate the needle, which means to act like you're injecting it, in the air pointing up, needle upwards, and you very slowly push down, which expels a little bit of the testosterone, but you also expel any air particles or bubbles that are trapped inside.

This is why you want to put a little more in the syringe than you actually will inject, because when you aspirate the needle some will leak out and make it the perfect amount to inject, rather than losing it an amount of it that you need.

If there is even a single bubble inside the syringe, that can cause a heart attack, and many other deadly problems!!!

So do not ever inject, if there is a bubble in your syringe.

If there is, best case scenario is you try to aspirate it heavily, even if you need to then refill it somewhat afterwards, the most important part is making sure no air bubbles are in it.

If there is no way to get the bubble out, you'd need to buy a new syringe, as it most likely has a deformation of some kind.

But that's the worst case scenario, and personally I haven't experienced that yet.

That, however, is why it is so important to aspirate, to make sure there's no air left in the syringe before you inject.

Now you want to make sure to get exactly .75 ml, that you put it up to the line right before 1 ml and that's about the amount you need.

And remember; never take more than prescribed, it will have the opposite affects you want.

Now that you know all the details, here is how to perform injecting the actual testosterone.

You take the needle to the sterilized area of thigh that you cleaned with the rubbing alcohol.

And you can either use a kind of sideways diagonal position to go in, or you can use straight on.

I find straight on makes it much less painful for me, so I usually go with that, but either way works, and whatever is most comfortable for you is what you should use.

Now you just go in kind of slowly, and try not to move the needle around too much, just push slowly all the way in 'till the needle is completely in the leg.

Then dispense slowly the testosterone to the intramuscular area, and once all the testosterone is out of the syringe and inside your bloodstream, pull it out very slowly, all the while holding the skin around it firmly, so that it doesn't hurt as much pulling it out. If you pull it out fast it fuckin' hurts.

You can also sterilize the area of injection again, if you want, but it's not really necessary.

Then, you just put that Band-Aid previously mentioned on, for like an hour, and you're good!

7. Now for the effects of testosterone, though I don't have a perfect timeline. But around one DAY in, I noticed for some reason my clitoral growth where your clitoris pretty much changes into a tiny penis except the urethra doesn't move unfortunately without surgery.

It can grow one to two inches at max, although I have not experienced that much yet.

However for some reason I had definitely experienced minor clitoral growth pretty much as soon as I took my first shot of testosterone, which is incredibly rare, as it's supposed to happen six months to a year in and be one of the later effects!! But for some reason, it was the first effect I got, so that really goes to show that everyone is built quite different, so some things in this guide might not be totally accurate for everyone.

1 week in, I started experiencing a very hoarse voice, not a sore throat or anything, but just where your voice sounds like you're sick or you're losing your voice, for some reason.

This is the first step in your voice changing to a deeper baritone.

It's usually not painful whatsoever, but I have heard from some people that it can irritate their throat occasionally due to the foreign feeling of it, this stage doesn't last very long though.

Then, about 1 month in, I started noticing extensive hair growth. Also I seem to have got way darker hair than any of my family members ever had, and way more hair than they ever had, so you can't totally rely on the predictions of what your family looks like to see how you're going to change.

You kind of have to be ready for anything to happen, but usually the hair growth and the masculinity of your family will almost always pass on to you when you transition physically.

This can even include male pattern baldness eventually.

Sometimes it happens to trans men immediately after taking it, other times it will take years and other times it will be when they're elderly like cis men have.

Personally, I have not seen any male pattern baldness yet, however my front l of my hair slightly receded back and in the shape of male members of my dad's side of my family, but nothing like a total receding hairline.

It still looks like a full head of hair!

Usually you can tell what type of hair you get by looking at your family members closely.

If your family includes a lot of thick hairy people naturally, then you are going to usually get very large amounts of hair.

If you have a family with barely any hair, or very light coloured hair, you'll usually get a small amount of hair or a large amount of hair but with light colour. Personally, I got real lucky so it's clear that there are exceptions, but that's usually how it goes is that you can look to your family members as to how you're going to look and sound like.

About 3 months in, my voice started really deepening and I mean really deep. But the funny thing about it is that sometimes it will switch from being really low and masculine and amazing, to being kind of regular like before, to a little low but not super low, and even to what I call the "permanent helium" which makes you literally sound like you inhaled helium but it's literally just your vocal cords cracking that bad from growing to a male length.

Sometimes it will crack in a way where you can't stop talking in that high pitch, and it's really awkward, but it is also really funny if you learn to laugh at yourself, and always remind yourself that this is the process of gaining a deeper voice.

I have heard that vocal training to make your voice deeper also helps exponentially for more effects if you want a super deep voice.

About 4 to 5 months in, which is where I'm currently at, I've experienced way more hair growth!

Even more so than the start of it.

My head hair seems to be thicker and healthier for some reason, I'm not sure why because I have never heard of that affecting your head hair, its texture, or its thickness like that?

But it seems to have happened, so I guess it's possible?

I'm gaining a moustache and a few beard hairs, but mainly my moustache is super dark and already very visible.

Also due to my moustache and my deep voice alone, now I can already pass pretty much 100% of the time if maybe 99%, and I'm a very naturally baby-faced person too, so that's impressive!

My voice is mainly settled into a pretty deep baritone.

It still has a little bit of a high pitch sometimes, but barely.

I can tell there's a little more progress needed, but not much.

I don't do the helium thing as much as I used to, but it does still occasionally occur as lengthening your vocal cords, which is what occurs when you take testosterone, can be a lengthy and frustrating process at times.

I have also specifically seen lots of body hair at this time, way more than the sparse amount at first, including even a happy trail and a little bit of chest hair although it's not noticeable yet unless you squint, but it still has way more than I used to!

Also my hair on my arms, and especially on my legs, is thick, dark and everywhere.

I've also noticed my fat is starting tk begin redistributing a little bit.

It's not totally doing it yet, but it's getting close, as my thighs, hips, and behind area lost a bunch of weight, while my stomach gained a little bit of weight and so did my arms.

I also gained a fair bit of muscle as not only can I see it when I flex, but also I can lift things a little easier than I used to, and muscle seems to develop easier for me, even when I work out barely.

I've never been a very physical person, so it's still hard, but it's way easier now that I take testosterone.

Those are all the effects I have to record right now, as I'm only 4-5 months in, but I will update this with new parts as I experience more and more.

Also, please take all effects and timelines with a grain of salt, because everybody works differently.

Also I specifically was mentioning Testosterone Cypionate, bi-weekly injection form, so if you take testosterone in a different way, some of this might be different, irrelevant or even completely useless to you, but I am only able to provide information on these forms as they're the only form I've taken of it myself.

Now, to quickly dispel a few stupid myths that circulate around taking testosterone, to ease your worries.

Myth #1. "Testosterone makes you aggressive, violent, and a bad person!"

The truth is that testosterone does not change who you are, whatsoever.

It can however change certain little preferences like for example what flavor food you like will sometimes change, but usually not all foods, just a couple, or sometimes even just one.

It can change little tiny details, like maybe your favorite colour may change, and it definitely does have its emotional effects for sure, but it does not make anyone aggressive or violent automatically.

Testosterone is not an angry hormone, and estrogen is not a peaceful hormone, despite what most people stereotype them as being, so just blanketing everyone under the term of "aggressive" because they have testosterone in them is straight-up incorrect at best, and also sexist at worst.

Estrogen is not better than testosterone. Testosterone is not better than estrogen. It just matters what you want in your body.

What it may actually do is sometimes, people will experience a wide variety of emotions, including extreme euphoria and confidence (that's the effect I seem to have had, thankfully!)

Other people however will get very emotional and sad and will cry over things easier, and no, that's not an estrogen trait, testosterone can do that too.

And sometimes, on a rare occasion, people can get more irritable or cranky. But they're never violent.

They just get a little grumpier than usual.

However, all these emotional effects eventually do phase out and stabilize, and you'll be back to all your regular moods.

You never truly change who you are as an individual, and your beliefs and morals will stay the same.

It's not like you will completely change into a different person, you will never have to fear that, nor should any of your family and friends.

Myth #2. "Testosterone is steroids, right? So doesn't that mean that you're stronger than everyone else?"

This is a ridiculous notion, and I'm not even sure how it got spread im the first place, but I've heard it firsthand, and it's really as stupid as it sounds.

Testosterone is not steroids, they may have some similar properties due to chemical makeup, but they are not in any way steroids.

Steroids are an addictive & potentially harmful drug. Testosterone is a naturally occuring hormone that we all have some of.

For instance, testosterone also does not make you any more muscular just automatically.

It can make you a little more muscled subtly due to the muscle structure changing to that of a cis man's, but it can't straight up make you jacked, that's just not possible.

Also it does not make you any stronger than anyone else.

It might make you a little stronger than a cis female, but you are not stronger than a cis man, in fact you're weaker, due to starting out assigned female at birth.

I'm not sure why people assume that if you take testosterone, that means you're strong??

Because you're taking testosterone because you don't have any so clearly you don't have very much.

I'm not totally sure where this silly notion got spread, possibly as a way to make trans people feel guilty for taking T, by making them think it's a drug, and it's just not when you look at the facts.

It's good to dissuade folks who think this way, from this notion, as it can also make us look like drug addicts or on steroid pills, which both are just completely false.

Testosterone is not even addictive.

It's a natural hormone inside your body.

Myth #3. "Testosterone will give you all forms of cancer, and strokes and heart attacks, almost certainly!"

I'm not sure where or how this got spread either, it is true that it is possible, they said, in a scientific study, that they can't confirm completely that it could theoretically make your chances of stroke and heart attack a little higher due to your system basically changing to that of a cis man's, and going through a cis man's puberty.

But honestly, you have less risk of strokes and heart attacks than even cis men do, and you don't have a prostate which is a common location for men to get cancer, so you actually have an advantage over most!

It's very rare that you would ever come into contact with one of these things happening, pretty much as rare if a little less as it would be if you didn't take T at all.

There is also no evidence whatsoever that testosterone causes cancer, of any kind, let alone all of them.

A lot of people have tried to spread this rumour, to stop people from getting HRT treatment, which is really cruel and fucked up, and a lot of parents will use the "cancer" excuse as a way to not give their child HRT.

The truth is that it does not cause cancer, and that is a complete myth.

There's actually some evidence that being on T might improve your chances of fighting cancer, and having a stronger immune system for it as well.

Myth #4. This kind of goes along with the other one, but some people believe that "If you take testosterone, you could be shortening your lifespan by many years!!"

This is complete speculation, nothing has been confirmed.

It's possible, perhaps, that it could shorten your lifespan by a couple years, but not many.

You still would have an advantage over cis men again.

But it's never been truly proved that your lifespan gets shorter from T, so there is no reason to fear less of your life occuring just because you're trying to make yourself happier.

All right, I think that's all the rumours I can set straight, and all the info & advice about injections and medicine and general information about testosterone that I can give you at the moment.

I will update this post later, so please check back again in maybe a few month's time from now, as then I will have more effects to discuss.

But if I want to leave you with anything to think about,

remember that testosterone is a completely safe and natural chemical hormone that produces itself in your body already.

You just don't have enough of it to look the masculine way you want to.

It is not dangerous, it won't hurt you and if you really want it, go after it!!

But I would also very much advise you to be sure you want to go ahead with it, and that you are okay with all effects happening.

Because if you aren't, if you are even the least bit hesitant, not only will the doctor not allow you to proceed because you are not mentally fit to yet,

but also if you did end up taking testosterone then you could end up getting effects that you don't want, and having them be permanent, and causing you dysphoria for the rest of your life.

So please, make sure to know yourself well, and know your wants and needs clearly.

I also highly recommend having a psychiatrist or a mental health therapist for quite a while before going into testosterone therapy.

Not only does it make you more qualified to acquire testosterone because it shows you actually thought it through, but also it is exceedingly helpful for the mental and physical changes you will be proceeding with over these next years.

The last thing I want to say, my closing note, is congratulations on your testosterone, if you received it!

And I hope my guide helped in any way, and apologies if it ended up really long this time, there's a lot of things you need to know about T.

Thank you for reading, and I hope this humble trans guy's journal entries help you at all.

- Atom T. L. Yorke

[god1ngs]

Probably gonna be a pt 2 to this later maybe, these are mostly either headcanons or just things that make sense to me.

I hc that mostly all Wilbur's are Yandere besides (Maybe) ARGbur and Ghostbur.

Wilbur from "Internet Ruined Me" Music vid is simpbur,,,

"Look, I know I must sound insane, But that's part of the package. If she can't handle me at my worst, she don't deserve my mental baggage." -- Internet Ruined Me Wilbur

"Simpbur" is a musician just like all the other Wilbur's and loves writing songs about you and only you, he always tries to include you in his songs (If he was in lovejoy, he would made the band only sing and write lyrics about you. Example being Perfume)

You know the phrase "If I can't have L'manburg then no one can"?

"If I can't have you, then no one can!"

Wilbur soot into the Wilbur-verse (Lmao)

Simpbur is a soft boy

ARGbur is a emo, opposite of Simpbur

You were the best thing to happen to ARGbur and Simpbur

Simpbur is lovesick

Revivebur would be good at cuddles if he took a fucking shower,,, (This is just me making fun of revivedbur)

Pogbur wanted to die with you so when he blew up L'manburg Manburg he forced Phil to kill you and him in one stab. (Kinda like a Kebabs LMAO)

Simpbur loves to see you in his Beanie and in his hoodie, he wants everything to smell like you.

Pogbur never takes off his beanie, he's probably never taken a shower in his life once Manburg was a thing, he's been to busy to care about his health (Mental and Physical)

Bonez is a Simpbur,, well,,, simp, lmao

Revivedbur smells like smoke, coal, and sweat

Simpbur is like a golden retriever, you tell him something, he'll do it

You help him with his,,, habits and help convince him to take a shower (Which was easy enough, I'm looking at you Revivebur-) and help cut his hair to not cover his whole face.

Simpbur is actually pretty in shape, he's got abs for days

Simpbur/Internet Ruined Me Wilbur (IRMBur) used to have an online relationship but went horrible wrong

Simpbur loves giving you

Simpbur shines of cuteness but also is dangerous

ARGBur and Simpbur would wear Cat ears if you asked, Simpbur would wear them within a millisecond but ARGBur would hesitate but comply after a minute or two.

The lyric "They don't love you like I do" reminds me/is the definition of Simpbur, ARGBur, and Revivebur.

Revivedbur and Simpbur both have sharp vamteeth kind of like vampires, Revivedbur's being sharper and stronger than Simpbur's.

Simpbur love's streaming with you and only you

Simpbur loves all the fanart from fans of you and him

Almost forgot Ghostbur, My little Blue.

Ghostbur cries realizing he can't touch you, being a ghost and all.

Ghostbur cries blue.

Ghostbur's Limbo is being stuck in a flower field, you would be there bullying him, manipulating him, he would cry for hours even if it burns him, but deep inside he knows you wouldn't do this to him.

Ghostbur doesn't know if he's in Limbo, he just thinks he's supposed to be there.

Ghostbur loves calling you his Blue because you take the sad away, also loves calling you sunshine.

ARGBur loves to call you his love, he has weird pet names for you but you find it endearing, example being "His ___" and "My___"

Simpbur loves calling you his/my darling, his prince/princess/royalty, his star.

Revivedbur is a bit simple than the others with the pet names, simple things like "Love" "Sugar" and "Sweets", He'd rather use you name since it's more special.

If ARGBur is feeling a bit shy he makes ARGInnit drop off his gifts on your doorstep or in person.

ARGBur arrives at your doorstep shivering and drenched in cold water, you let him in and let him stay over. Let's just say he memorized your house format and loves to hear you ramble or talk, he tries to remembering the important things you say to use in the future.

ARGInnit would be ARGbur's wingman, helping him get with ARGBur.

THIS IS THE END OF THE RAMBLE LMAO, Now starve >:)

this is so sweet and i love them all so much where is my bursona cuddle pile

[dawniebb]

Face reveal bc yes

So, guys...especially from the Renegades fandom bc i’m the most active there: you saw the title lmao. This will...barely get notes (i wonder if it’ll get notes at all) buuUUUT YEAH LET’S GOOOO (If you’re gonna reblog pls be respectful bc i have issues and btw reblog ONLY if we are mutuals)

THIS IS ME! <3 HELLOOOO!!!

Now, if you want to stop here, do it. If you don’t...well

I’m going to tell you a story about myself and why I decided to post this.

First of all, I’m not celebrating anything. I’m just celebrating me, I guess (?) and in fact I’ve been wanting to do this since my parents got me a She-Ra cake for my 20th birthday back in May, because I loved that thing and felt the physical need to shove that thing into everyone’s faces But I didn’t because I didn’t feel ready enough...then that thought left my mind, and it came back like two weeks ago.

I’ve had mental issues since I was in like...elementary school. I’m sure I had felt depressed before I turned 12; however, the first memory I hold of feeling so, it’s when I was already 12. Because it was then when I realized that I wasn’t just a dumb kid who didn’t know how to make friends xd To this day, I genuinely feel like I was suffering from isolation bullying; you know xd my classmates purposely excluded me from activities, they would find any excuse for not letting me join their work teams and stuff like that; during my last year at elementary school, I only had like one friend, and that one friend and I shared a sort of abusive/toxic relationship, as in: manipulation, “we’re best friends. you should only talk to ME”, and then this friend turned her back at me too, because she decided to join the rest of the group and ignore me.

lol.

And I remember wondering what was I doing wrong. Like, why didn’t people like me; why didn’t they want to hang out with me; why did everyone seem to have friends except me. And then I got trapped into a very...dark place, and I remember being overthinking one day, because I tend to overthink a lot...and I remembered this specific kid who was in the same class as me.

I was in the line for the teacher to check my homework, and this kid, a boy, was behind me.

You see. I’ve always been chubby xd I don’t think I’ve ever been skinny since I was 2 years old or so, because by the time I was in kindergarten my classmates’ moms were already calling me a ‘little meatball’ thinking it was a fucking adorable nickname because Mexican moms can be pretty shitty sometimes don’t let the media stereotypes fool you not all of them are all cheerful and upbeat and when I was in elementary school, for some reason, besides being chubby, I had a really bad posture. And this boy who was behind me started imitating my way of walking and his friends were laughing, so I turned around and asked him wtf his problem was xd and he turned around to his friends and asked “Do you see how hunchback she is?” like I wasn’t even there xd and I genuinely tried to slap him but I couldn’t, and he said “Yo, stop moving because you’re going to cause an earthquake”

And my mom has always felt personally attacked for the fact I’m...u know, fat. She has always been very insistent on the fact I need to lose weight and stuff like that. And her, mixed with my experiences at school, made me feel like I wasn’t enough.

But my mind started saying things like “And u know why you aren’t enough? Because you’re fat”

Because, like, the day of the hunchback insult, when I told the teacher, who was a very shitty teacher btw but i’m not talking about her again today (i’ve already talked about her in MANY of my university papers, because I’m studying to be an English teacher), she turned around at him and said “Don’t listen to HER” and to this day I still don’t know why xd

But it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Because I was fat.

Lol x2.

To this day, I still don’t know if I have an ED. Like, I genuinely don’t know. But I can safely say that, if I have one, it’s more likely BED... because, through the years, I managed to lose weight when I turned like 15 and I had my quinceañera party, but then first year of high school came and I had a relapse into depression...like, this might come off as a very unpopular opinion, but junior high school was dope for me x’d I remember it as one of the best years in my life, right after my second and third year in high school (high school in Mexico lasts only three years) and so...when I started my first year in high school and got fucking depressed again, I gained ALL that weight back, and even doubled it. During my second year of high school, I met my friends. The friends I still keep with me to this day. And they accepted me like the fucking train wreck I was, failing math like three times in a row and crying about it every single one of those times  because I’m pretty sure I have dyscalculia but my parents won’t listen to me they think i’m just lazy when it comes to math even though they know i cant even read a fucking clock . And them, along with my another very close friend who I met via fanfction when I was 12, helped me go through it. Like, I did have some issues with my body during high school, but not as much as you would expect. They were getting pretty bad in my first and second semester, but during the other four my friends managed to stop me from losing my mind, even when it all went to shit in my third year again for different reasons.

Then I graduated from high school, and I made friends there too. Although my best friends are still my friend from fanfiction, my friends from high school and just one of my university friends. And you know...I was left...pretty scarred from the shit that happened during third year of high school, and even if I didn’t feel like I was *that* depressed, I did gain a lot of weight.

Like, the highest I’ve ever been. Then my dad got sick during October from last year, then my two doggies were murdered god i fucking hate my neighbors the same day my dad was released from the hospital and my mom went kinda nuts during December and I wanted to just...yeah.

So I did a lot of emotional eating. Like, y’all don’t understand.

It was like...I would go to uni and eat a brownie. Then chocolates on my way home. THEN a “a snack” like...fucking rice krispies. Then a huge ass meal, with soda bc why not. Then I would have either cookies or hot cheetos as a treat after my huge ass meal,

I’m a short person xd carrying that much weight was making my ribs and back hurt, as well as my legs and feet; my breathing was freaking awful, and there were some days were I got SO paranoid I just said things like “i’m gonna die today” or “out here trying to get diabetes like the rest of your family, aren’t you??” :’) but i didn’t tell anybody. My parents are not really an option in this case, BUT I didn’t tell my friends, because then I would have to explain that I ate a lot and that was something I was EXTREMELY ashamed of.

When February came, I was scared of going out, because I knew I would have to choose what clothes to wear and nothing fit me anymore and, the things that did, looked super stretched on me and, u know, I was sore. My health was getting bad. But I didn’t like to feel that way.

AND I MUST CLARIFY HERE. I’M WORKING ON THAT. I’M ACTUALLY A BODY POSITIVY DEFENDER, I JUST DIDN’T LIKE HOW *I* LOOKED AND, BESIDES, I WAS GETTING SICK. I GENUINELY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT. I’M NOT SAYING BEING FAT OR CHUBBY IS DISGUSTING. NO. I BELIEVE ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL. AND IF I’M WRITING THIS IS BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW RECOVERY IS DISGUSTING AND DIFFICULT SOMETIMES AND THAT IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THAT: I’M SORRY. NOBODY SHOULD EVER FEEL LIKE THAT. I SUPPORT YOU. AND I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER. AND NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE TO CHANGE ONLY IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE. BECAUSE IT’S YOUR BODY. KEEP HOLDING ON.

But going back to the story...

My friends used to tell me I looked pretty all the time, which I appreciate a lot to this day. But my parents were like

Me: I’m fat and I look deformed.

Them: I agree.

Because yeah.

Just before the pandemic madness happened, I went on a school trip with my uni friends and one of them triggered my isolation trauma in the worst way possible...and that, somehow, ruined ALL the photos I took throughout the trip. Because I wasn’t enough. Because I was deformed and fat and I looked like an apple. Because nobody wanted to be seen near me. And my personality was shitty.

Like, I should’ve known I was worth it. I’m still worth it and I know that. But I wasn’t less worth it when I was chubbier. And maybe I didn’t look as bad as my head made me believe. But at the time my mental health was extremely awful.

Now, covid happened.

Not gonna lie. Quarantine fucked me up as much as it fucked everyone else, but for me...by not going out, I stopped being near trigger foods, and I was even able to consult a dietitian.

I’ve lost 15 kg since March. And I’ve managed to love my past self, but I love this one because changing it was my decision. Sure, my parents didn’t help a lot, but in the end it was MY decision. I’ve come to accept I was worth it even when I felt disgusted by myself, and all of those awful things people said or did to me, like my friend during that trip...

I didn’t deserve any of those things. Because NO ONE deserves to be treated that way.  No one deserves somebody else making fun of them. No one deserves somebody else doing awful things to them that they know damn well that they trigger their childhood trauma. No one deserves to be judged for the way they look.

I was in a very dark place, and sometimes I’m still inside there. And like...during all those times, I kept posting in here.

I remember being next to my dad in the hospital, telling him “Guess what? Supernova drops this week” or “We’re going to watch TDP together, right?” or “Let me talk to you about She-Ra...” ....those were things that like...saved my life for a while, though mostly Supernova. Because, actually, Marissa Meyer has helped me in my fucking darkest years x’d from my third year of high school until now.

Her books didn’t take my depression away, but they did make things a little lighter for me, even when I felt like dying.

And I know this fandom is like..full of minors, so...I don’t know if any of you need to hear this: But you’re worth it.

If you want to change anything in your body, do it because YOU want to.

Because YOU’LL like you better.

Because it’s YOUR body, and it’s the only part of yourself that you and other people can touch.

Nobody should ever tell you you’re worthless because of your weight and your physical appearance. And if they ever do, then they’re the ones who should apologize, not you.

Nobody has the right to mistreat you, abuse you, or use your own body against you.

As for me...my ribs don’t hurt anymore. Nor does my back or my feet, and my breathing is getting better; I took the conscious decision to lose weight but, like I said, now that I’m not in such a dark place, I’m staring to realize that the past me wasn’t as hideous as my mind was making me believe. She was okay; she was broken inside, but she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her, nor did she deserved to treat herself that badly.

I posted my photo just to celebrate that I can finally said I’m not disgusted anymore. I can finally see myself in pictures again. And see my own reflection. Or go through my closet. Or do my makeup, because I LOVE doing my makeup and I was even ashamed of that. I’m not fully okay yet, but I’m healing.

So, if there’s any little Dawnie around here: I hope you give yourself a chance and realize you’re beautiful.

I hope that, if you change, it’s because you wanted to do it.

I hope you know that it’ll get better even if the healing process it’s not that easy.

I hope you know there’s people who love you.

I hope you know that you are beautiful. You were always beautiful and, no matter what path you choose, you’ll always be beautiful.

And worth it.

And human.

And important.

Take care of yourself, because you’re wonderful, no matter your size <3

[garyrennell]

FLUFF ALPHABET — GARY RENNELL🧸

hi beautiful people💕 i’m doing the fluff alphabet challenge by @ravena-dottir, in collab with awesome @mrsgaryrennell✨ we really took our time to analyze crane boi’s personality here, to give the most accurate responses posible💖 aaaand this is a long one, as everything i write😂 i hope you like it.

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

physically, he is drawn to a girl’s eyes and smile, as he compliments MC for those in the game. he also is a butt and thigh guy👀 personality wise, he appreciates curiosity, intellectuality and overall kindness.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

absolutely YES. he wants to have children of his own to take care of and to prove himself that he can be the best dad ever, the father he never had. he dreams of taking his little boy to football practice and teach him mechanics💙 you bet he’ll be there for this children whenever they need him and will be extra protective and such a cool dad🥺 and if he finds a girl with the same love and care inside of her, there’s no doubt he’d be eager to start a family asap.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

in canon, he’s always giving cuddles or asking for them, so crane boi here is a cuddle fan💖 @mrsgaryrennell and i came to the conclusion that Gary’s love language is mainly physical, because cuddling is his type of intimacy and his way to show affection, rather than words for example. he likes bed cuddles with his girl lying on his chest and his bigs arms around her, especially in the morning. even if his girl is not close, he’ll pull her into a cozy cuddle or simply ask for one✨

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

he prefers very casual dates and if he gets to plan it, he’ll put thought into it. for example, he plans a simple picnic date and makes sure he brings good food and takes his girl to a nice place; or a movie date and makes sure to buy popcorn and get really good seats. overall, Gary transforms simple dates into something especial without going over the top💕 during the date, expect a “top quality banter and an absolute gent” lmao, especially the gent part because he’s basically proud of his nan educating him like that.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

he’ll probably turn this phrase into a joke because he doesn’t like being a melt😂 it would ruin his lad image. in joking mode, he’d say something along the lines of “you’re the loaf of my life” while holding a piece of bread lmao, but in a serious occasion he’d say “you’re my happiness” or “you’re my favourite”.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

in the game, we think he realized he had fallen for MC while the girls were away in CA. he found himself missing her big time and thinking about her all the goddamn time, wishing she was there with him. also the idea of having a domestic life with MC is what made him sure that she was the one💖

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

gentle is basically Gary’s middle name lmao, that boi is full of gentleness. he’s gentle when he holds his girl, when he kisses her, in his wording even when he’s not very good at expressing himself with words. everything he does, he makes sure he does it with care and tenderness🙈

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

as most of his way to show affection is through physical contact, he often reaches for his girl’s hand. Gary is a simple guy, so he doesn’t really care if he’s holding the back of her hand, her palm, if his fingers are intertwined or not— he doesn’t really care as long as their hands are together💕 he’s also the type to caress the back of her hand with his thumb in a soothing manner.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

oh boy oh boy, when it comes to first impressions, Gary comes across as handsome, confident, cheeky and flirty, which can result into him looking like a laddy lad type of guy💪🏻 it’s not far fetched lol but in the first impression of him you miss a lot of the depth of his character and personality.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

not👏🏻at👏🏻all. he doesn’t mind if a guy approaches his girl and flirts a little, because he likes to see that others appreciate her too. when he would definitely get jealous is when the person hitting on his girl is really bold and obvious. Gary is a “silent jealous”, which means that he will not be confrontational about it but will throw deadly glances, frown and mutter under his breath. he will just stand at one side trying not to look bothered, arms crossed and grumbling to himself lmao. and then, when asked, he’ll deny to death that he’s jealous💀

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

we all know the guy has experience, so he is definitely an expert kisser. he really enjoys slow kisses and likes to take his time, he doesn’t rush and is also very gentle. basically, he knows what to do, when to do it and how to do it😉 he likes playful and sneaky kisses too, everything that comes along with some cheekiness. in the game, MC always initiates the kisses, so there’s that🤷🏻‍♀️ but it fits his personality more for him to be the one initiating the kisses.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

him, and it’s canon. Gary is an open book, so as soon as he is sure that he’s in love, he’ll try to let his girl know in the most intimate way posible. he’ll say it in private and will make sure he picks the right moment.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

in the game, the final date, when he asks MC to be his girlfriend. outside of the Villa, definitely the shipyard date, because it’s the first time a girl accepts to go watch the lights of the cranes with him🥺💕

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

crane boi doesn’t spoil, less with expensive things🤷🏻‍♀️ but, he will treat his girl with everyday, simple and casual details. she likes a certain type of tea? he will make sure to buy it whenever he can. she likes chocolate? he’ll buy some whenever he goes grocery shopping. maybe will even buy her a flower if he wants to come home with a surprise. in general, he buys small, meaningful things that will come to usage for her.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

for MC, he reminds her of navy blue and the color red. the first one is partially influenced by his eyes and the second is because of his cozy flannel💕

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

in canon, he uses “love, babe, cutie, darling and poppet” when referring to MC. he also uses “mate” as kind of a pet name too😂 we recently noticed that Gary is all down for melty pet names and even makes them up himself, so he surely will have a personalized and creative nickname for his girl💕

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

he likes old and vintage appliances, especially ones that are broken so he can fix them. @mrsgaryrennell has a cute headcanon in which Gary likes to fix old stuff (e.g radios) for elderly people or for donating them to charity😢💙

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Gary loves rainy days, it’s canon. he either is down to go dancing in the rain or to spend it at home, cuddling next to a window with his head lying on his girl’s lap as she plays with his hair💖 and drinking a warm cuppa, of course.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

this is a heavy one. we all know Gary’s struggles with mental health, so even after his therapy his first option is going to the gym. he thinks it helps with sadness when it doesn’t, but at least he feels less stressed out afterwards. after that, if he is really down, he’ll go talk to his nan about it🥺 to find comfort and support in her.

when cheering others up, he is all about company and being reassuring. he tries to get people to talk about their feelings because, through therapy, he has learned that it works. when the other person is well enough, he will try to make a joke to lighten the mood✨ as my girl @mrsgaryrennell said: even though he’s a little broken himself, he still tries to make others feel better.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

cRAnEs🏗 aND hiS nAn👵🏻😂 he’s a Star Wars fan, so he would be very chatty about it, or about science in general. he also likes to share funny stories lol.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

again, the gym thing, sadly😔 but apart from that, he likes to fix broken stuff when he is stressed, or build things for other people.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

his killer pecs and huge arms💪🏻😂 crane boi is very proud of who he is, so he mostly shows off his thicc body. we also have this headcanon in where Gary likes to show off his girl, to let the world know how amazing she is. he never shuts up about her💕🙈

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

he would propose after a 3-4 year relationship, to make sure the time is right, and wouldn’t do it without talking about the idea of marriage with his girl first. he would propose in a very intimate and private way, just the two of them in a especial place for both💙

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys and Stone by Jaymes Young🎶

Y = You the ___ to my ___ (e.g the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

he’d say “you’re the levers to my crane” lmao or “you’re the safety to my worksite”💀

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

he wants a big, energetic dog (just like him lol) so probably he would own a fluffy golden retriever🐾

[dojaeism-archived]

Ah, don't fret it asfhgkshj I hope you're feeling better after that not-exactly-a-break-but-a-break anyways! Ooh, is the same as Socio-cultural anthropology? I've found it quite intimidating for some reason but sociology along with it are both such interesting disciplines, maybe that's because it has to do with behavioural cycles; thus is close to Psychology in a way - ❄️

ive been trying to put these under a cut but i dont think they’re working ;-;

Wow your brain is incredible! I never liked theories in either Physics or Math but the practical parts and numerical analyses were always my strong point... Bio + Chem both made much more sense than any law or theory I have ever studied during the few years I had with Physics haha Ah, ok; I was confused as to whether it applied to blinding pink alone or other striking colours too! - ❄️

It was rather relaxing, and I used to be so happy if anyone complimented mine ;-; Oh, I did enjoy cooking/baking & drawing but other things I've taken up this year are gif-making + learning French because quarantine had me bored to no end 😂 I've still got a while before I start going to college so I'm also writing quite a bit these days! - ❄️

Mario Kart XD I think I'll give thought to that but omg you play Genshin? That's such a cool idea to play with, so many directions this crossover could go to! Oh god, how can one drink so much coffee? I like it too but you're on another level sjsjsjsjsjsj (pst, Uni; stop being so hard on her!) My day has been fluctuating too much for my liking; one moment it's good the next something just ruins it but I've been okay~ you too 🥺 have a wonderful day/night! - ❄️

im putting the asks all together as its easier to answer like this and i dont wanna clog my dash haha but hello!! i wouldnt say im feeling better, unis still kinda crazy rn but i managed to reschedule all my classes into the same few days so hopefully it’ll be better!! i hope you’ve been keeping well 💗

and yes, social anthropology is the same as socio-cultural anthropology but its just a different name i suppose. it is kinda intimidating, in the sense where there’s always a million different aspects of something to think about and to consider whenever you’re talking about anything, nothing is ever just as it is which gets a little frustrating sometimes bc its soooo open-ended haha but its definitely super interesting because of that! and you’re right, it’s super close to psychology too! a lot of my mates do like... soc. anthro with psychology or choose psych modules bc it ties in a lot with the main module, which is really cool! i think psychology is super interesting too, and some days i really wish i’d chosen it as a major instead hahaha

but omg noo my brain isnt incredible, i just really enjoy maths and so physics naturally as well, i wouldn’t say chem and bio were difficult subjects for me, but i just found them so boring compared to the rest that i never wanted to try 😭😭

oh i’d love to see some of your art someday! (not sure how that’d work but im sure its amazing welp) and you like to cook/bake?? that is sooo cool, do you have any fav dishes to make? i used to be a complete hazard in the kitchen before going off to uni, i literally didnt know how to do anything but boil water lmao but turns out that living alone forces you to learn a loooot, and im actually a p good cook now hhhehe and omg!!! i picked up gif-making in the summer bc of quarantine too 🤣 do you mostly gif exo only? i have like 6 different sideblogs so im always a mess abt giffing people hahaha how’s learning french going? mon français est si mauvais que c'est embarrassant 😅 and wow, when do you start college? 

ngl tho, i know absolutely nothing about mario kart, gaming in general is Not my forte unless you’re talking FIFA (literally the ONLY game i know how to play LOOOL) but yeah i recently started genshin bc my sister plays it and i was just sooo bored (if ur in the europe server, hmu!) but idk, i think it might be a genetic thing tho bc my dad doesnt drink anything but coffee (literally never seen him drink anything else my whole life) haha

i hope things calm down soon!! its so hard to keep up when things keep fluctuating, so for your sake i hope they get better 🥺🥺 take care of your health, and don’t stress abt things too much! <3

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hey there! :) This is for the OC Ask Game, for Harrison: could you answer questions 1-6, 14 &15? Hope you're doing well!

Oh let’s just expose Harrison *cracks knuckles*

1: List five basic facts about your OC.

He’s turning 22 (just shy of his birthday in Moth Work)

He’s gay as fuuuuuh

He’s from Brooklyn, NY

He’s an only child

If you come for his jacket, he’ll come for your life (a very basic fact)

2: Post a line of dialogue from your OC.

This is dialogue from book 3 that I still can’t get over (for context, Reeve is criticizing Harrison’s choice of Walmart as a gourmet pie shop back when Walmart used to be a big thing in my books lmaooo):

Reeve: “So your gourmet pie shop is Walmart?”

Harrison: “Why yes, actually… Do you have a problem with saving money and living better?” 

lmfaoooo

Also an iconic interaction from Moth Work:

Lonan: “You’re patronizing me.”

Harrison: “You’re patronizing yourself.” 

3: Post a snippet from your writing that describes your OC.

So this is the first ever description of Harrison from book 1 (I had just turned thirteen when I wrote this):

There’s a faint click somewhere to my right and a soft glow soon illuminatesthe room, shattering the darkness into pieces. I shake off the fact that Ican’t see where the light is coming from, instead pointing the still loaded gunat the first thing I see, a boy who looks a bit older than me with what I makeout to be honey blond hair and the most pissed off expression on his face. 

(fun fact I really wrestled with describing the colour of Harrison’s hair at the time and probably changed “honey blonde” from “honey brown” like 5000 times, 13-year-old me had BEEF with his hair colour)

4: Post a snippet from your writing in which another OC describes your OC.

This is a very old description I scavenged to find from book 6 where Reeve vaguely describes Harrison in the first paragraph which is one way to go about it:

Beside me is wood smoke and copper, leather and strong coffee, all strung around human flesh. He moves with precision, like a player focused on a riveting chess match…

And here’s the most recent paragraph (and the last paragraph in Lonan’s POV) of Lonan describing Harrison when they meet up for the first time after brief hiatus (I haven’t shared this yet, so for context, Suzanna is Harrison’s mother):

In the kitchen, Suzanna laughs at Eliza’s joke, something vaguely about Geminis, or maybe she says alibis. He doesn’t quite hear it. He doesn’t mean to drop the rose, but it falls with a muffled thump between them, a floral border. Lonan blinks many times. He breathes many times. He counts many times. But after all the tests—the blinking, the breathing, the counting, the person at the door doesn’t change. Sunshine hair. Concerned mouth. Semi-crooked nose. Butterfly lashes. Eyes the colour of a kingfisher.

5: Describe your OC’s physical appearance.

Harrison’s the cutest guy in town, so cute he managed to convince @sarahkelsiwrites to get me to write book one! Without Harrison’s cuteness, this 8 book series/monstrosity would not exist! As I’ve said, Harrison’s a cutie and should definitely be treated as such (the downfall of Moth Work loool). He’s shorter than Lonan by just a bit tho I really can’t think of how tall my characters are because I am apparently short and can’t imagine anyone a foot taller than me, so all you need to know is he’s tall but still shorter than Lonan lol. He looks a lot like his Portuguese mother and takes on both her “semi-crooked nose, the same mouth, straight and concerned, the same markabove the eyebrow he always thought came from some sort of accident. Eventhough her eyes are brown and his are clearish and teal, it’s like he has hereyes too—soft and rimmed with lashes like butterfly wings” according to Lonan lool. He wears Lonan’s fake mom’s earring which is a pretty dangly blue gem. Though Harrison could look like anything and all he’d need to be Harrison is his leather jacket. In the book cover I designed, Lonan’s wearing it (ROOD) as he unknowingly takes it in chapter 6, but besides that one time, his jacket never comes off! He also wears his mother’s guardian angel necklace which is a newer edition, though a well-liked one as I always pictured him wearing a chain of some sorts! It’s important to note that when I was thirteen, the only way I’d describe Harrison’s eyes were as “burning turquoise” loool.

Here’s how I drew him for the book cover (though I couldn’t really get his eyes right are they burning turquoise-y enough??):

6: Describe your OC’s love life.

Messy! Harrison’s gone through a lot as a hopeless romantic, and has been lead to much heartbreak because of it. If he loves someone, he really loves someone, and this is very much seen in his feelings toward Lonan. Since we’re spilling the tea on Harrison, here’s his relationship with Lonan throughout the books + as Nothing But Thieves songs (because we’re going THERE):

Book 2

When the boys actually meet! Lonan didn’t exist in book 1 and I think Harrison’s sanity benefitted from this but anyway

They’re coworkers (back when this book was a dystopia lmao, Harrison took an open job as a tech analyst in Lonan’s government squad which was his pride and joy and I have since of course axed it)

They don’t like each other but can’t get enough of being enemies if u know what I mean

NBT song: Last Orders 

Book 3

This “love being your enemy” thing continues even when Lonan makes his redemption arc and he’s no longer an enemy lmaoo

We get to see their actual friendship develop toward the ¾ mark of the book

“Clearly these people care about each other” kind of vibe!

NBT song: Wake Up Call

Book 4

We see a new level of closeness develop between the boys, and though we’re in Reeve’s head, she def senses some tension mwahaha

NBT song: Afterlife

Book 5

Harrison really steps in as not only a friend for Lonan in this book, but a body of support while his mental health goes through it

NBT song: Reset Me

Book 6

They’re both mad at each other for almost this entire book but this gives us more of that tension we WANT

Reeve really notices this tea develop and she be sippin it the whole book

Toward the midpoint there’s definitely explicit suggestion of their relationship (Reeve can’t fully see this as she’s mostly concerned about herself but there’s definitely an ongoing relationship in this book that’s pretty turbulent):

NBT song: You Know Me Too Well

Moth Work

This relationship sees a lot of bad times

It ain’t a healthy relationship by any means and things start falling apart! Both boys have things they have to work out, that are currently causing lots of conflict!

The TEA I have not shared yet is that I *plan* for them to split up by the end of this book (though they never were really together in this book so it’s not really a breakup lol). Harrison moves to Brooklyn with his mom and Lonan stays in Vegas with Eliza (do with that what you will!!)

NBT song: Hostage (for Harrison) and Take This Lonely Heart (for Lonan)

14: What is one of your OC’s secrets?

That he likes waffles better than he like Lonan? Scandle! Harrison had an affinity for waffles in book one. Here are receipts:

A scene from book 3 (2015) that features a lot of iconic content (Harrison’s waffle kink, Foster being prime-time soft boi, grumpy Lonan, narrated by Reeve who manages to not inject her opinion once, my classic 2015 “witty” YA dialogue):

“Ah, well… your sister [the youngest, not Reeve lol] was talking about people, and how being mean is the only way that they listen… She may or may not have had a run-in with Harrison earlier, which is why the topic was brought up…” From next to him, Ris grunts over his steaming waffles, a full mouth when he turns his face toward Lonan who’s got the same laptop in front of his face, furiously tapping at the keyboard as he concentrates. 

Harrison actually reaches over and slams the lid shut.            

“Hey asshole,” he says around his mouthful of waffle. “Put the fucking technology away, and be a little social.” Lonan’s dead silent on the receiving end, and when I look closer at him, I realize it’s because his fists are tightly clenched and a vein in his forehead’s bulging. 

“That was three full days of work that you might’ve completely ruined!” Lonan hisses, eyes wide and angry as he stares at Harrison who’s scowling around his breakfast. 

“Anyway…” Foster continues awkwardly. “Basically, helping people is sometimes–” He’s cut off as a giant waffle is smothered up to his face, Harrison holding it out tauntingly. “What the hell are you doing?” 

“You know you want the waffle… Waffles…”  

Also to the waitress while he and Reeve bond at a diner:

“Thank you.” Harrison says with a wide smile, staring at the waffles like they’re the love of his life. “Oh my fucking god.” He mumbles, and I assume that I’m not meant to here that. 

15: Your OC is given the chance to go back in time. Where do they go and what do they do?

I think there are a lot of things he’d like to change in his past, namely his relationship with his mother who he’s estranged from until the end of Moth Work. I think he would’ve liked to see her more in his teens (despite being a hard ass when she does show up in Moth Work). He’d go back to Brooklyn and like chill in a pizzeria with his mom lol. On a lighter note, I think he’d also like, join ABBA or something.

Thanks for asking!

[darlingrutherford]

2019 recap

Tomorrow's the beginning of 2020! I've been seeing so many lovely year recaps going around and wanted to post one as well.

It's kind of strange for me to say that 2019 was good to me. My disability/health got worse. Mentally and physically, 2019 was incredibly hard. But wow, this fandom. You all came to my blog and encouraged me. You shared in my pain. You gave me confidence. You helped birth more Lanistair AUs than I had ever thought I'd have, and showed me that people can love my OCs just as much as I do, which is so amazing.

I've written more this year than I probably have any other year. I slowed down the last two months because of losing my job, but I can already feel that mental cloud beginning to clear.

In 2020, I want to write more. I want to create. And that includes art. My biggest goal for 2020 is to be able to do an actual art recap at the end of the year. I had planned on drawing a lot this year, but life and confidence got in the way and I only ended up drawing about six things the entire year. That's got to change.

@thejeeperswife tagged me in a writing end of the year recap, but before I get to that I just wanted to thank each and every one of you. I'm in a weird point of my life where the most contact I get is with people online, so meeting so many of you and gaining a handful of amazing friends has been really the greatest thing that's happened to me this year. I've been laughing more. I've been excited to create. And it's all because of you! So, thank you to anyone who's ever reached out, and especially those who still do. You're all amazing, and I love you all so much! And if you ever need to reach out or just want to talk, the offer is always open! Send an ask, shoot me a message. Life is too short! ❤️

End of the Year Writing Recap

To make this easy, I'm only counting published works. I have so many things partially written that haven't been posted yet, but it would take forever to tally those up 😂 This also only includes the things I've posted on Ao3, and doesn't include the interviews and other fun things I've only posted here.

Word count: 111,213

To Weather the Storm (ongoing): 8 new chapters, 75,313 new words

Late Nights (oneshot): 4,482

Apologies (oneshot): 1,289

Beg for It (oneshot): 2,674

Spanking (oneshot): 1,211

Sensitive (oneshot): 1,349

A Haunting in the Winter Palace (oneshot): 768

Jealousy (oneshot): 1,602

Dirty Talk (oneshot): 1,116

Praise (oneshot): 1,582

Spoils of the Avvar (oneshot): 2,155

Once Upon a Time in Thedas (ongoing): 5 chapters, 15,956 words

Rainy Days (oneshot): 1,714

Number of smut scenes: not including those only posted to Tumblr, I believe 15? Also not including ones I've already written that haven't been posted to chapters yet 😂

New things I tried this year: I feel like I've written my most well developed character in Lana this year, and filling out each and every “about your OC” sheet I've come across helped so immensely in that respect! I also took a leap and wrote my first oneshot that had someone else's character in it rather than one of my own, and I'm super happy with how that turned out!

Favorite thing I wrote this year: I have a chapter mostly pre-written for To Weather the Storm that will happen post-Corypheus and pre-Trespasser that I really think is some of my best writing. At least, I was bawling while writing it and continue to bawl every time I edit it. So, I'm very excited to post that in the new year!

Favorite fic I read this year: Ao3 user AlleiraDayne has a oneshot modern!AU chapter called “Rutherford, Party of 4” that is just. *Chef's kiss* It remains the hottest thing I've ever read and continue to go back and read all the time. If you want to read an incredibly hot and thirsty oneshot foursome between Cullen, Alistair, and their respective wives, click on that link NOOOOW

Writing goals for 2020: I want to wrap up To Weather the Storm as much as possible. Continue working on Once Upon a Time in Thedas. And, of course, begin posting my (somewhat of a) slowburn DAO story of Lanistair ❤️

Pending projects in 2020: Apart from those mentioned above, more reader-inspired fills, detective!AU Lanistair, modern!AU DAI, AND, very possibly (as I learn the world better), delving into the Witcher fandom for writing. Possibly a DA/Witcher AU because @schoute is ruining my brain LMAO

I'd like to tag @allisondraste @herald-divine-hell @jacklyn-flynn @bigfan-fanfic @lostinfantasies38 @johaeryslavellan @jellysharkbat and anyone else I've forgotten who would like to join in! (Also, resolution for next year: make an actual list of people I routinely want to tag in things so I quit forgetting lmao)

[rogueblxde]

hey ! leave me alone. - it’s not a venting post, it’s my Akali rant adhfaskfh

so what is Akali’s story in the k/da / TD universe? it’s short and really simple: born in a clan (of sorts), studied and educated in martial arts, ran away when she was about 18 years old, deciding to leave the old ways behind, and began to actively search for her place in the world by expressing herself with her exceptional rapping skills, acrobatics and street art. key word “street”. quickly became a street star, went viral on various streaming services more than once, was mostly enjoying this sort of carefree (emphasis on free) life that she was living for herself, not for someone else. then got invited to join the new ambitious project as the leading rapper, and exploded.

worldwide famous. the prodigy girl, the hip-hop ninja, incredible flow, the sarcastic cool type, the neon demon – listen, there were many names. many cameras in her face as well. many eyes watching the new super bright star, the need to keep up her cool and laid back persona – you know, the industry is merciless and unforgiving. so are the fans, which can change sides just as quickly as they fell in love with you. and then True Damage as her one and only passion project, attempting to go back to her roots, the street performers, diamonds in the rough, free from labels and the pressure of the agencies, ready to make music how they see fit.

and what do people usually get for something bold like this? ha-ha, that’s right, a lot of hate.

now let’s break it down a little.

Akali’s actual personality is not entirely different from her k/da persona, but there’s still a spin of “I’m so dangerous, edgy and awesome” that spreads through her rapping all the way into the MV and their performances, actually going even further to the photosets and red carpets, interviews and all that. she has a label – a snarky cool girl, who doesn’t like heels and prefers heavy sneakers, which is also something you wouldn’t see often in modern k-pop. (the industry irl is so toxic it’s unbelievable it’s still so freaking huge, ok) it’s still a label, and even though she’s comfortable with being the rebel one, there are still standards to be met in the huge gatherings of idols. how do you think people look at the group with three gorgeous girls and a gremlin? kdfha it’s a joke, all of them are gorgeous, but it’s clear which one of them would never wear heels, even if she was held at a gunpoint.

of course, at first everything negative is ignored. Akali values her opinion and maybe opinions of her new k/da friends, trusting Ahri’s leadership, Eve’s advice, clinging to Kai’Sa who is just as new in that as she is. she’s talented and popular, they score a perfect all-kill with their first song, their life is… crazy. it’s too much to bear, honestly. interviews, social media stuff, promotions, ads, plus working on something new – except… where’s working on something new? does k/da just cease to exist after a great score? why weren’t the given the opportunity to do more? why can’t they write more music? Akali lives through her rap, she loves writing music, loves writing words, and she knows other girls love to perform too – but with all the campaign bullshit she’s lost in the tornado of crazy schedules. and there’s no time to do something she actually wants to do, enjoys to do, AND she’s getting judged on the way she looks, dresses, that she’s too muscular/slim/not slim enough. ramen? ew, a girl should stop eating. where’s her make up? why is she boyish? she’s not elegant to be an idol. why don’t she just leave?

now, obviously, all four of them were probably receiving stuff like that, and it needs to be ignored. it’s shitty that people like that exist, and sad that they think it’s ok to tell someone what they should and shouldn’t do.

at this point, what do we have? overwhelming success, a perfect persona to play constantly, since it’s campaign time, no windows to do something they enjoy. isn’t it hard? hell fucking yes it’s hard. it takes a toll on health, both physical and mental, and it’s honestly that period in her life when Akali gets her first “actual” anxiety attack. what should she do, how should she behave, what if she does something stupid, huh, what if she trips, oh, her appearance will be ruined, no? rapping becomes hard. mistakes, slurs, words not flowing as efficiently. she is deprived of one of the few things she actually enjoys because they are pushed into certain patterns of how an idol should behave.

so what does she do? as pathetic as it may sound, the only thing she succeeded with. she runs away from the popular group, she tries to find her feelings for the music again. I imagine all of the girls have their own apartments plus the ‘dorm’ of sorts, where all of them can live, and in her own apartment Akali has a studio, where she is learning to mix tracks and use samples and all that. it’s her little safespace, and if she’s not napping in her bag chair next to the balcony in her living room, she’s most probably locked in the studio again. that’s where the idea for True Damage actually hit her for the first time – she was listening to one of Yasuo’s tracks while trying to understand how to mix it properly. at the time it seemed like a great idea – re-ignite her own love for music with collaborating with amazing street stars? and, let’s be real, it was a great collab – filled with passion, filled with talent, right?

yet one of the most frequently asked questions was “did she leave k/da”.

and yes, this one is based purely from my own irl experience with everyone who was judging Akali for “leaving kda”. I’ve had quite a few people talk shit at me, the mun, about my character leaving a 2d musical group, how would you like that, lmao. so I’m implementing this.

which leads to receiving even more fame. and more hate. “finally she left”. “ugh what a rat”. “lol she’s nothing without the group”. and she would’ve been able to take it, but because she tried to do something she was passionate about, her project was overlooked simply because “it’s that girl who ditched the group that made her famous”. and the best one yet – “of course she needs more talented people to carry her now”.

you can be strong as fuck, nerves of steel and all, but when there are eyes of millions of people upon you, you begin to crumble. it’s hard, it’s tough, it’s something you either give in to, or find strength to go through, finding more and more reasons to keep going. either it’s your passion, your fanbase, your friends, your family – quite literally, anything to show you how you’re not a failure and you don’t actually know what people think of you.

now, one of the things from my own experience with depression is that I’m constantly feeling down because I think someone hates me. or I think they want to replace me, or that they laugh at me, etc. etc. it’s really hard to break out of this cycle of thoughts, you are just constantly going back to putting your thoughts into someone else’s behavior without actually thinking that it might be completely wrong. and it’s hard as it is with just my circle of people – and when there was no one around you and all of a sudden there are millions? yeah, that shit hits hard. very, very hard.

Akali is still a strong girl. she knows she will get through this shit and comeback with something incredible to rub it into everyone’s faces, or not – maybe she’ll show her honest self, give her honest opinions and drop f bombs on the trends of the industry.

but for now she’s just nowhere to be found, hiding in her studio, and not giving two shits about anything. projects? haha. practice? haha. she covers her favorite rap tracks just because she feels like it, because the lyrics speak to her. she will come back eventually.

exhibit a / exhibit b.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you believe life is fair? It’s not always fair, but we’re not promised that it will be. Have you ever made a fan account on Instagram? No. Have you ever bought a youtuber’s merch? Yes. Name three people you want to meet in Heaven. I’d love to see my grandma and grandpa again. Do you believe in Heaven and Hell? Yes.

If so, do you believe you are going to Heaven? I pray that I will. What was the best time of your life? Childhood. Do you feel loved or appreciated for who you are? I know I’m loved. I don’t feel there’s anything I should be appreciated for. What could be the theme song of your life? I don’t know. Don’t you hate being all alone? (if applicable) I like spending some time alone. Sometimes I’m completely alone, other times I’m alone in my room but my family is home. I also like spending time with my family. Now as for figuratively, I do feel I’m alone in a lot of ways.  Do you believe rich people are worth more than those who are poor? Wow wtf kind of question is this.  When was the last time you read the Bible? I finished my first read-through earlier this month.  Do you have any embarrassing health issues? Yes. What are you longing for? A life where I’m in better health, happy, and doing something productive.  Who do you wish you could talk to? I miss Ty. What was the name of the college you went to? Nah. Were your college years the best years of your life? No, but I wouldn’t say they were the worst. There were rough times, but what I’d consider my worst years came after. Who was your first roommate? I’ve never had one. Who lived across the hall from you your first year of college? I didn’t live on campus. What was your favorite food they served in the Dining Commons? Do you consider the lunch ladies your friends? Have you ever had a janitorial job? No. Have you ever worked in food service? No. What was your first job? I’ve never had one. What year did you graduate high school? 2008. What’s something of yours that is missing right now? I can’t think of a physical thing that I’m missing. If there is, I’m not aware of it. Do you lose or misplace things a lot? No. Have you ever had a nasty rumor spread about you? No. Has anyone ever tried to ruin your reputation? No. What is your favorite flavor of frosting? Vanilla buttercream. What is your favorite type of donut? Glazed or maple. What is the name of your favorite bakery? I just get stuff like that from the bakery section at the grocery store. What is your current favorite Starbucks drink? White chocolate mocha with soy or a caramel macchiato with soy. I’ve been waiting for them to come out with more fall drinks besides icky pumpkin spice, but they’ve been lagging. Previous years they had other options that I really liked, such as the toasted graham latte. Have you ever been to the very first Starbucks in Seattle? Nope. I’ve never even been to Seattle. Or Washington. When was the last time you wrote someone a letter? Uhhhh. Do you write mostly in cursive or in print? Print. Have you ever called a teacher “mom” by mistake? Yes, in 2nd grade. I was so embarrassed.  Do you like the color of your eyes? Meh. I wish I had blue or green eyes. What color are your eyes? Brown. What was the name of the street you grew up on (if you don’t live there now) Nah. What was the name of the first dorm you lived in? Like I said, I never lived on campus. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? I don’t remember having any imaginary friends per se, but my cousins and I would make up other people when we’d play house or school.  Does it still feel like summer where you live? It most definitely does and has since May. What is today’s date? September 28, 2019.  Who’s birthday is today? One of my cousins.  What do you usually get for your birthday? Clothes. Who’s birthday is coming up next? Another one of my cousins next month. What is the last thing that came in the mail for you from Amazon? Phone case. Do you have a Paypal account? Yes. Have you ever had a brand or company reach out to you on Instagram? No. What is the last thing you purchased from Etsy? Some bracelets. Do you sell on Etsy? Nope.  What is a childhood dream that hasn’t stuck with you? I wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid. What is something you want to change about your life? My health. What is one thing you are looking forward to coming up? The drive I’m tagging along for later on today to drop off my brother. He’s going to one of my favorite cites for the weekend. Have you decorated for fall yet? Just a little. I have stuff for my room I need to get out, but I haven’t done that yet. I’ve been majorly slacking. I still have my Christmas decorations from last Christmas lmao. They’d only be put away for a shot time now... I don’t know if I’ll ever get around to it honestly. Do you type fast? Yeah. What color was your bedroom growing up? White. Who was your first favorite cartoon character? I don’t recall my first favorite cartoon character. I know my first favorite character in general was Barney, though. I was obsessed. Who is your favorite Disney princess? I don’t really have a favorite one.  Do you enjoy typing? I mean, yeah. Definitely over handwriting.  What bank do you use? Nah. What grocery store do you shop at the most? Walmart. What is your favorite fast food place? BK, Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Chick-Fil-A, Jack in the Box. I haven’t been much into fast food for the past few months, though.  Do you get sauce on your pizza? Uh, yeah? Ew, why would you not get sauce on your pizza. That’s an absolute must. Extra sauce for me. Do you like hamburgers? Meh. Do you like Coca Cola? Yeah. Do you like McDonald’s french fries? Yeah. What color is your hair? Naturally it’s dark brown, but I dye it red. Did you get your hair color from your mom, your dad, or a grandparent? My mom. What is your name (first and middle)? My first name is Stephanie. That’s all ya need to know. What are some other names your parents’ considered when naming you? Andrea. What would you have been named if you had been born the opposite gender? Jesse, I think. Do you prefer tea hot or cold? Hot. What is the best fall drink? Coffee (hot). That’s my favorite all year round. Who was the last person you know who had a baby? One of my cousins. …And what was the baby’s name? He’s named after his dad (my cousin). If you had a boy and a girl, what would they be named? I’m not having kids. Do you clean your room often? I keep it clean, it just gets a little cluttered. I need to go through and get rid of some stuff. Who taught you how to drive? No one has, I don’t drive. What color is your dresser? Brown. Do you have a hope chest? No. Do you have a favorite aunt, and if so, who is it? I have an aunt I’m really close with. Who is your favorite cousin? I was really close to a couple of my cousins, but when I distanced myself and became very recluse and withdrawn these past few years, that included from them as well. :/  Do you look like your mom? Yeah. What does your middle name rhyme with? What does your first name mean? “To be crowned” or something like that. Have you bought next year’s calendar yet? Nah. I don’t use calendars except for the one on my phone. The only reason I had one last year was because I won it in a giveaway.  What year did/will you turn 30? I turned 30 this July. Have you found your first gray/white hair yet? I’ve found a few. D: Is your hair long or short? Long. …and which way do you like it best? I like it long. What’s a food that you like, but it makes you feel sick? I just have a messed up stomach and bad indigestion, so. Do you have a problem with needles? Yes. Have you ever had to use an epi pen? No. If so, do you get a bruise when you use it? Have you ever ridden in an ambulence? Yes. If applicable, what color are your glasses? Black. Do you like the name Addison? Sure. Is there anything that you regret getting rid of? Yeah. I have a hard time getting rid of stuff. What have you been saving up to buy for a while? I haven’t been saving up to buy anything, but I do want to start on my Christmas shopping next month. I should have started saving up for that. This month was especially bad for some reason in regards to my spending. Does anything bother you about your past? I have a lot of regrets. Do you get bullied on facebook a lot? No, I never have. Why do you think people bully others? There’s a lot of reasons. Have you ever stood up to a bully? I’ve never been bullied. I was/am  the only bully to myself. Do you post on youtube regularly, if you have a channel? I don’t post at all. Which famous person do you think you could be friends with? I don’t know. If you could sit down and talk to anyone for an hour, who would it be? I wish I could do that with my grandma who passed away over 10 years ago. Do you own striped tights? No. Have you ever made your own Halloween costume out of clothes from ur closet? Yes, a few times. Do you own any antique furniture? I personally don’t. What year were you born? 1989. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? I don’t drink anymore. Do you set goals for yourself? I should. Which country has the coolest flag? I like the American flag. I like Sweden’s flag’s colors. Do you like your country’s flag? Yeah. Which country do you live in? USA. What is your heritage? I really want to do one of those DNA kits to know for sure. When was the last time you received a hug? A few days ago. Do you have anyone who hugs you regularly? Yeah. Who gives the best hugs? My mom. Would you rather have the bottom bunk or top bunk? I’d have to use the bottom bunk. Window seat or aisle seat? I’ve only flown a total of 2 times and both times I sat in the middle. Have you ever thrown up on an airplane? No. Have you ever seen anyone else throw up on an airplane? No. Have you ever gotten sick in the car? Yes. What color pen do you write with the most? Black. Do you still wear clothes from the children’s section? I could. What were your favorite stores when you were in high school? Hot Topic was one of them. For some reason I don’t remember where else I shopped at for clothes.  Do you watch Bethany Mota on youtube? Nah. What color is your watch? I don’t have one. What color was the last pair of flip-flops you wore? I don’t wear flip flops. What is your favorite season? Fall and winter. Were you born in your favorite season? No, I was born in the summer. Blech. Have you eaten oatmeal lately? No, it’s been several months since I’ve hat oatmeal. I was eating it pretty regularly the last couple years, though. If you have bangs, do you cut them yourself? I trimmed them myself back when I had bangs. What color was the last cup you drank out of? Red. Do you enjoy graphic designing? I don’t do any graphic designing.  Do you enjoy editing photos? I like adding filters, ha. I used to dabble with Photoshop sometimes and made photo edits and gifs. What is your favorite app on your phone? I use YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Spotify, Instagram, and Snapchat the most. Do you answer your phone every time it rings? Only if it’s my parents or brother. Have you ever called the wrong number? Yeah. Do you usually pick Truth or Dare? Truth. Was your first kiss magical? No, but it was all I knew at the time of course and I was pretty giddy about having had my first kiss, even though it was awkward af lol. Do you like kissing? Yes. Who do you want to be best friends with? My best friend is my mom and I’m perfectly happy with that. Do you like to decoupage things? I don’t do that. Do you have a printer? Yeah. How many tabs are open on your browser right now? 1 window, 5 tabs. Which Internet browser do you use? Chrome. Did you have a Myspace page back in the day? Yep. Do you miss Myspace bulletins? No. They were just posts like these are. Did you ever learn HTML? Just the very basics. Have you ever wanted to start a business? Nope.

[papa-rhys]

So here’s the deal...

Okay, so I’ve been suffering a pretty bad wave of writers block recently and I’ve got enough of a following now that I feel that I owe some kind of explanation as to why people’s requests are taking forever to get filled. So here it is lmao. Sorry if this is a little long, I just gotta get some of it off my chest and let you guys know why I’m being kind of inactive in terms of writing.

So the first reason pains me to say and that’s actually the cretins that’re spreading this whole “your writing is racist wah wah wah” bullshit. I know it’s bullshit and I know they’re talking outta their assholes and I know I’m not racist. But when I go to write or post something there’s just this niggling thought of “people are just gonna start shit over it so what’s the point” lingering in the back of my mind. And I know that the amount of support is way greater than the few people who’re picking things outta thin air, but they’re still there dampening the mood and the fact of the matter is that I just can’t be fucking bothered with these people. Their existence is tiring, dealing with them is tiring. And when something involves becoming so exhausted after having to defend yourself time and time again, it stops being fun to do. So I’m at a point where they’re starting to ruin writing for me - which is 100% what they want - but I don’t really know how to keep up the enthusiasm when I gotta deal with these inbreeds over and over again all the damn time. I’m sick of having them stalking my blog and using my latest fanfic as though it’s a new piece of evidence in the “Hope is a terrible person” conspiracy theory that they’ve got plastered over their bedroom walls with lil red strings connect all my fics. I love writing, I really do, and I love that people like my writing. And yes, I’m still probably gonna post writing - at least I’ll try my best - because FUCK those plebs, I’ll do what I want to. But all the bullshit they throw around all the time is so monotonous and I’m getting so sick of dealing with it.

The second reason is my physical and mental health taking a pretty bad hit, which may or may not be related to the first problem but we’ll go with “not” cause I don’t wanna give those assholes the satisfaction they obviously get from making people feel like shit lmao. Point is, I’m really struggling with my health recently and I can’t seem to get it under control and as a result I don’t have the motivation or even the ability to concentrate on writing. I’m either too nauseous to even think or I’m so void of all emotion that I literally just zone out and stare at my bedroom wall for an hour. I’ve tried so many times to open up a half-completed fic and I just end up staring at the screen for so long cause I can’t get my brain to focus on it. I know this period of feeling like crap will probably end and I’ll hopefully get my motivation back, it’s just a matter of waiting. It just sucks because I get so stressed out about people feeling fed up with me for not filling their request. I know I shouldn’t feel anxious about it because it’s all in my mind, but I guess I’m just scared that people will be mad with me for it and that they’ll go somewhere else and even go to other people and talk shit about me like someone has done in the past. I know that’s something I’ve gotta personally overcome though cause I can’t live my life being afraid of disappointing people because it’s just part of life. And it’s mostly in my own head anyway because people tell me all the time that I can take my time with it and you guys are really supportive about that. So it’s just my brain making up situations to be scared of based around my own fear of people thinking negatively of me so yeah.

Okay they’re the two main reasons why requests aren’t getting filled at the moment. The requests are still in my inbox because I don’t wanna delete them incase I have a day where I feel able to complete a couple. Hopefully that day will happen soon lmao but for now, that’s what’s going on

[enthusiasticclouds-sally]

Archetype — The Creator Birthday — September 22nd, 1993 Zodiac Sign — Virgo  MBTI — INFJ Enneagram — 2; The Helper Temperament — Phlegmatic Hogwarts House — Slytherpuff Moral Alignment — Lawful Neutral Primary Vice — Anger Primary Virtue — Humility Element — Earth

Overview:

Mother — Elizabeth Finkelstein nee Addair (dead) Father — Arran Finkelstein Mother’s Occupation — Teacher Father’s Occupation — Neurosurgeon currently retired because he got into a car accident that left him paralyzed from the waist below  Family Finances — They got monneeeyyyyy forgot the formal word for that, but yeah they very well off Birth Order — Only child because Elizabeth died during child birth Brothers — None Sisters — None Other Close Family — Nope. Arran was very possessive with his daughter so they didn’t go around visiting family, so Sally does have aunts and uncles but she knows none of them. Best Friend — Daniel!!! lmao I laugh bc sadly he is deaad :(( but he was the ONE friend she had in her childhood and they grew so close that no one has yet to take that spot for her :(( Other Friends — Ummm Sally was really like the pariah of her hometown. No one wanted to be her friend because of her magic, so she really didn’t have much of any growing up like except Daniel. On top of that, Arran was very possessive of Sally and kept her locked up as much as possible, so that made socializing rather hard.  Enemies — Her hometown, no one liked her again except Daniel. Her father, it is a very BAD relationship between the both of them and it is something that Sally has yet to be able to forgivee. Pets — Salene!!!! She’s a Dalmation Sally adopted at the plantation in Swynlake. Her full name is Salene Morticia Finkelstein!!! :DD Home Life During Childhood — Oh gawwd, yeah Sally did not have a good childhood at all!!!! Her father kept her locked up for most of it. At first it wasn’t too bad, Arran had been an exceptional single father, but as Sally grew older and started to look more and more like a mirror image of her mother.... that was when the unhealthy obsession inside of Arran began to manifest and there started the lock up because he wanted his daughter all to himself basically.Then later on in life like when she became thirteen, Arran got into a car accident that left him paralyzed leaving Sally now as his sole caretaker. Her only moments of freedom were when she had to go to school. Those became ruined, however, when her visions started appearing, and she became the pariah of the town so yeah.... It was a very isolating and rough childhood for Sally :(( Town or City Name(s) — Larkhall, Scotland. Glasgow Scotland What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — Very decorative!!!! Sally went all out since ya know she was pretty locked up so, this was an escape for her, especially for all her restless energy. Very Halloweenish and Autumnish because those are her things. Dark colors, a lot of black. Any Sports or Clubs — Not really. Sally was never much of a very sports person, doesn’t even watch much of any. Plus, she a klutz so yeah, it never mixes well. Favorite Toy or Game — Ouija board lmao tbh she only played it to piss her father off because HE DOES NOT like that stuff xD He’s convinced her visions came about because of it.  Schooling — Sally has gone through Primary and Seconday in Larkhall and then commuted to Glascow for Uni majoring in Design (due to her LOVE of sewing). Was very heavy with online classes because of her father’s behest. However, she was never able to finish Uni because Daniel died in the middle of it, then she found out about her father’s incestuous obsession with her and so... she ran away to Swynlake. Favorite Subject — Art Popular or Loner — Loner for sure. Popularity was never in the cards for Sally  Important Experiences or Events — Daniel’s death was an important event because she had foreseen it happen and wasn’t able to stop it. At the same time, it took a huge part away from her. He was the ONLY friend she had, her best most dearest friend, so it was a lot. A painful experience (aside from seeing Daniel’s tragic death) was the exorcism. Her father took her to church once and they actually performed an exorcism on the poor girl due to her visions. :( Nationality — Scottish Culture — Scottish Religion and beliefs — Raised Catholic and her father were very devoted to the Catholic religion. Sally attended mass every Sunday when she was younger because of her dad, but had stopped all together when she got older. The church was very judgmental of her, believed she was possessed by demons because of her magic (especially since she often saw death).

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim —  Karen Gillian Complexion — Fair skin with freckles on her nose and cheeks!! Hair Colour — Ginger!!! But a little more on the reddish side.   Eye Colour — A hazelish to very light brown mix. It’s very pretty!!! Height — 5’10″ she has to be my tallest girl <3 Build — Tall pretty average to slim build.  Tattoos — Nope, but she’ll definitely get one if someone suggested it haha Piercings — Yes, just the standard two ear piercings. Common Hairstyle — Sally mostly wears her hair down. For so many things my baby can do, hair isn’t exactly her strongest.  Clothing Style — More on the punk-ish side when it came to Sally’s style. Lover of dark colors. Nothing crazy, your typical jeans and t-shirt type of gal. Boots and sneakers are what she prefers. Use to wear like skirts and dresses but not so often anymore, not since the scarring on her legs, so when she does wears them she normally wears tights that covers. She does loves sweat-shirts and hoodies.   Mannerisms — Sally often wrings her fingers togethers, hides her hands within pockets and tugs at the fabric, doesn’t maintain the best eye-contact, rakes her hands through her hair when nervous, stutters when speaking with pauses as well, 

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — Nope. Sally is very good at keeping up with her health. Physical Ailments — Sally does have scars on both of her legs. They look like patch work but are burned scars from one of the crazy events that has happened in Swynlake. She has electrical burns.  Neurological Conditions — Headaches and migraines that are often cause from emotional overload she receives being an empath. Sometimes her vision leave her with a terrible migraine as well.  Allergies — None Grooming Habits — Good. She has clean hygiene habits. Makes sure she looks well kept.  Sleeping Habits — Sally doesn’t have the best sleeping habit at all. Ghosts don’t really stop talking just because it’s night time. The voices often keep her up and steal away her ability to remain asleep. Sometimes as well, she’ll get a vision in her sleep and welp there goes sleeping for the night. Eating Habits — Healthy. Sally is organic with her food choice and often grows as much as she can from her garden, but she’s not strict with this. She’ll break it whenever she wants. If she wants sweets, she’ll get her sweets.  Exercise Habits — Sally does yoga has been doing it for years now and is very, very, very good at it!!! But, aside from that she doesn’t really exercise, except for like when she takes Salene for a walk.  Emotional Stability — Umm.... when it comes to her own personal emotions I guess she’s somewhat stable? But she often carries the emotions of others over her shoulder, being an empath and all, and that at times can make things unstable.   Body Temperature — Sally tends to lean more on the colder side. She has a cold touch to her, and her skin feels more on the frigid lines of things. It comes with the fact that she has been in death’s clutches far too many times, and now also with the fact that she can talk/see the dead.  Sociability — Sally is super, super, SUPER shy!!!!! It’s a struggle for her to talk to new people and she often stutters because of it. She does, however, open up completely with people she has grown to know because she feels more comfortable with them.  Addictions — None. Drug Use — Nope.  Alcohol Use — Not really.

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — Klutzy, restless, impatient, sassy, can hold a grudge, shy, soft-spoken, blunt (but never means for it in a bad way or to cause harm), uncontrollably curious, awkward, socially unaware  Good Habits — Kind, creative, gentle, clever, honest, resourceful, loyal, sweet, loving, down-to-earth, humble, optimistic, understanding  Best Characteristic — Loving and kind Worst Characteristic — The fact that she has the ability to hold a grudge Worst Memory — The exorcism she was forced into, and Daniel’s death. There is also the vision that brought to light her father’s obsession. Yeah.... Sally has a lot of bad memories.  Best Memory — There was a Christmas where Sally’s dad had to stay in the hospital for his job. Daniel came over for that Christmas and they spent the night decorating a Christmas tree, Halloween style!!!!!! It’s the prime reason for why Sally decorates her Christmas trees in that fashion now in the present.   Proud of — How she has been able to semi-control her visions, or at least control them in the best way they can be controlled. Also, that she has been able to control her empathic abilities as well. These were both very over-powering abilities and she has been able to live through them both and control them over time!!!! Embarrassed by — All her klutzy, clumsy moments. The fact that she stutters and pauses in her speech because of her shyness. Her scars over her legs.   Driving Style — Sally has learned how to drive and drives pretty decently, but she really doesn’t drive much presently. Strong Points — Her kindness and positive outlook when things look rough  Temperament — Phlegmatic Attitude — Determined, restless Weakness — Shyness   Fears — The lost of her loved ones and not being able to do anything about it. Already has happened with Daniel.  Phobias — Isolation. She has lived a life of isolation through both her father and because of her magic, she doesn’t want to live through isolation again.  Secrets — Her father’s obsession with her, and the fact that she stole a good chunk of her father’s fortune when she ran away lmao  Regrets — Not being able to prevent Daniel’s death, especially when she saw it happened ahead of time. Not being able to prevent a lot of foreseen deaths. Not allowing Daniel to love her.   Feels Vulnerable When — She comes back from a vision. Right after a vision happens, it takes a moment for Sally to get her gatherings together so she is at her most vulnerable physically then. When she’s isolated she also feels very vulnerable.   Pet Peeves — Doesn’t really have many.  Conflicts — Her magic has caused a lot of conflicts for Sally. There is also the conflict of death when it comes to her visions whether she should try to do her best to prevent them, or simply allow them to be.  Motivation — Belongingness. It’s really sad but like Sally has been isolated for a grand portion of her life she just wants to feel like she can belong somewhere :(( Short Term Goals and Hopes — Do something professionally with her exceptional and awesome sewing skills!!!!! (I’m going to start working on this for herrr) Sleep better. She definitely needs more sleep in her life. Long Term Goals and Hopes — To be able to have full control of all of her magical abilities.  Sexuality — Bi-sexual, Demiromantic Exercise Routine  — Yoga in the morning, sometimes at night too Day or Night Person — Night owl Introvert or Extrovert — Introvert Optimist or Pessimist — Optimist

Likes and Styles:

Music — Rock, punk rock, indie, soft rock that whole general area of music is Sally’s favorite. She’s a huge fan of Evanescence.  Books — Edgar Allen Poe is her favorite author. She does enjoy some of Emily Dickinson’s work as well.  Her favorite story is Ligiea by Edgar Allen Poe.  Magazines — Nope. Foods — Sally isn’t really picky, she’ll eat just about anything. She prefers organically made and loves to cook off of her grown garden.   Drinks — Hot chocolate and any drink with added pumpkin spice!!!!!  Animals — Dogs, solely because of her precious Salene.  Sports — Not really that into sports tbh if you’d ask her about any game she wouldn’t know what to tell you unless like she had a vision and knew the winning team ahead of time but other than that nope Social Issues — Magic v. Anti-Magic since she’s a magick herself.  Favorite Saying — “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back” Color — Blackkk she does love orange as well!!!! Jewelry — None. She’s not a huge jewelry person, does puts on studs for her ears from time to time  Games — Meh...   Websites — Not a website person. Sally doesn’t have any form of social media not even an instagram. She doesn’t want her father knowing where she ran off to.  TV Shows — Sally does love the Adam’s Family!!! Both the original tv show and the movies!!! They’re her favorite :DD Movies — Scary/Horror movies. The Chucky series are her favorite.  Greatest Want — To be in full control of her magic.  Greatest Need — I’m not sure to be honest... I’ll have to come back to this one hahaha

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — Sally lives in a two bedroom house in the Southern Isles. She could definitely afford something a lot nicer, but she’s happy where she’s at. She’s not the show off-y type of gal.  Household furnishings — Her house is fully furnished with all the furniture one would expect in a house. Dark furniture of course blacks and dark cherry wood stuff like that. Decorative because Sally loves to decorateeee.  Neighborhood — Southern Isle Neighborhood on the South end of Swynlake Town or City Name — Larkhall, Scotland in her childhood. Presently, Swynlake, England Details of Town or City — For Larkhall whatever wikipedia saysss and Swynlake you all know how Swynlake issss Married Before — Nope. Significant Other Before — Also, nope. Would have loved a chance with Daniel though :(( Children — Nope. Relationship with Family — Estranged Car — Nope. Could afford one though, but just doesn’t want one Career — No career at the moment (I gotta stop being lazy) Dream Career — Dressmaker, Sewist, Seamstress (She could lean towards being a Designer but she what she loves the most is the sewing aspect of it all)  Dream Life — One where Daniel is alive and all the horrors of her past hadn’t happened. A life where her mother didn’t die giving birth to her and she was a part of a happy family. She would love a family even if it isn’t one with kids but like her and a loved one.... but she just... doesn’t believe that’s out there for her. Love Life — None, but wanted one with Daniel  Talents or Skills — Sewing (she’s very very VERY FREAKING GOOD AT IT), baking, cooking, decorating, designing, gardening Intelligence Level — Very intelligent, but she’s so quiet and soft-spoken that it’s often times not noticed Finances — She got monnnneeeyyyy stolen money, but moneeyyyy nonetheless xDD

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — Hasn’t gone around to having a career yetttt Past Lovers — None :(((  Biggest Mistakes — Not being able to prevent Daniel’s deaathhhh  Biggest Achievements — Gaining the control that she does have presently over her magic.