#mostly because i can't afford it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has 4 main sources of revenue.
Text
collecting autistic traits like they're Pokémon's
#still no diagnosis#mostly because i can't afford it#newest realisation is probably the selective mutism
0 notes
Text
I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danlou#iwtvedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#*#dont know if i can articulate my thoughts well#but something about how daniel at first is so closed off from louis when he sits down near him#doesnt really want to talk at first but starts opening up pretty quickly#then louis is buying him a drink and it's easier to talk. mostly what he wants to talk about is his journalism work#because its so important to him. but when louis starts getting too personal (i know what you're here for danny) he starts backing off again#maybe some combo of shame for how quickly he felt attracted to louis and the flirting and the diminutive louis uses#the bartender uses it when asking if hes got money tonight. hes used to exchanging sex for things he needs but cant afford#above all it's like a sharp reminder of what louis wants & what daniel wants too even before the offer of drugs#and he's trying to hold onto the denial and excuses. it was a good place to score he did what he had to#sex with men has to be in exchange for something he can't just want it on its own#the lie he tells himself about himself#also these tags are getting long but i think you can see the moment louis decides he might not just fuck and kill this guy right away lmao
512 notes
·
View notes
Text
A–Aventio TGCF idea?? Wherein Civil God Veritas Ratio meets the infamous Ghost King Aventurine during his first mission cuz cuz like— The "live for me" paralels?!? The one who has all the luck partner as well?!? The villain who was actually not the Villain this whole time!?!? The loving humanity a little too much it causes their downfall !?!?!?
Rant AU in the tags proceed with caution
#Okay to put it into better words:#Veritas having once being a prince wanted to give everyone the prosperity of knowledge and became a civil god in the pursuit of it.#Sadly this backfires in people using that knowledge for their own greed and creating civil wars within it as well as unleashing far more#Destruction upon the land. And the other gods didn't help Veritas in stopping that bc see that's what happens when people overshare info!!#So the aftermath is just pure chaos plus banishment from being a civil god and thrown as this god of war and plague.#800 years passes and he is seen to just still be doing the same things but I a simple term. Teaching people to read and count.#Often times taking up mission and doing research on new pathogens to help cure the sick that can't afford and somehow during a reading#Lecture he gets ascended back to godhood and everyone is like ??? And even he is like ???#Well he doesn't care much about it and just continues to do what he's always done. Except that once in a while he has to take a detour#Mission to deal with ghosts and other malignant spirits. And upon one of those recurrences he finds himself aquaintanced with#The infamous Ghost King Aventurine. Who is mostly feared in heaven due to having beaten the strongest and wisest at their own games. Even#When the odds where fully against him.#As for Aventurine.#His life was harsh but as the prince had given a lot to the people#Not just education but also free them of diseases and sickness. One of which had struck his sister. He liked the prince and wanted to#Follow in giving and protecting the prosperity of the former kingdom. But the good things did not last and his family was struck in between#The many wars that took place. No matter how much refuge Kakavasha and his sister sought no place was ever#Safe enough for them.#He watched the entire world go up in flames yet somehow he could hate the prince-god for it. But rather the people who had started to#Create weapons in his name. The rest of his years he spent it as a warrior slave and then when death reached him he couldn't even go to#The afterlife since he still held so much vigor and wanted revenge to all the people who had turned his land into ashes and his family#Into bones. That is why he became a mourning ghost.#(I didn't want the kakavasha story to be so centered on ratio like it is in tgcf. Because I think it will be fun for the two of them to#Not recognize each other at first after 800 years and then when they do. Rather when aven does he's full on: oh shit it's the cute prince—#As for who was the cause of the upheaval in the kingdom and the maker of the weapons. Idk I was debating there being more than just one#Antagonist to have pulled their strings in verita's kingdom as well as be the reason Aven's sister died. So he's more revenge seeking for t#And the genius society as civil gods just spoke to me it for so perfectly. Ling wen as Ruan mei? Yeah exactly.#ratiorine#Aventio#Dr ratio
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
Respectfully, listening to audio RP isn't the most cringe thing you could do-nevermind that cringe is dead and that's just society being a dick but for the sake of it, let's say cringe is real, right (because it's one thing to say cringe is dead and it's another to know it)
Do you know that people watch other people play games instead of just playing the game? They sit and absorb the personality of another person and watch them play games instead of going and playing it themselves and feeling that themselves. Sounds familiar right?
Some people actually spend their time collecting things which might not have any value in the eyes of society, like that hobby may never actually be monetizable and there will probably never be a collective value for their collection but they do it anyway, wid right?
Ya wanna know what's like even weirder? Now some people-get this-some people read smut and even write it, ya know like they actually do that for fun. Instead of hooking up with people or like actually just doing other things with their time-
You all see my point, right? Listening to Audio RP, listening to BF ASMR, listening to anything like that is a hobby that you do for fun, it's not meant to be something that determines your worth or your morality or your character or even how socially acceptable you are because it's what you like to do for fun. Your fun does not need to be judged for points or say something worthwhile about you because you are doing it to enjoy yourself and the things you like. Don't let other people rob you of that
#a rant I've been thinking on for some time because even I have issues remebering this is fun for me#like I voice my own stuff and I have to remind myself cringe is dead#mostly because I make it and I can't afford to be ashamed of what I make but it applies#dont be afraid to actually feel good about what you do for yourself#asmr rp#audio rp#audio roleplay#asmr roleplay
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
life could be dream. come, hold my hand and completely ignore the fnaf novels and focus entirely on the games. you will have so much more fun if you just stop giving a shit.
#honestly i mostly haven't read them because i can't afford them#and i genuinely refuse to give any money to this franchise except to youtooz inadvertently#i have pirated every fnaf game except hw1. life could be dream#arc.txt#five nights at freddy's
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
first time people tell a content creator GIVE US MORE ADS
#i dont think they are greedy corporate monsters. i think they are creators trying to run a business with no knowledge on how to do that#icarus flying too close to the sun and all that#is just so clear they didn't make any kind of market research#a youtube poll would have helped them#is just a shitty thing because they clearly just want to have more creative freedom and do bigger things#but if you are running a business then you also need to think about your audience. which i don't think they did#and the international issue with dollars in this economy#+ the need to use a vpn in order to watch in certain countries apparently#+ an audience of mostly 20 somethings and younger people who have other priorities#and like nearly every single person that i've seen that actually likes this idea. has also said that are not paying#because they can't afford it. so even if people were on board with this. is just not viable with their audience#like sorry. but 'streaming service' is not plan b on the list of things to if you dont wanna rely so much on ads#and them doing a 14min long video that is edited like a shitty corporate apology video#in which you say 'if you can't give us money. bye ig' while promoting#a show about people traveling to dif places and paying expensive meals#while also saying you have no money to pay your 25!!! employees#not to mention not clarifying anything and leaving everything in vague terms#like international issues. whether you are deleting your previous youtube content or not (they don't say anything about this on the vid....#.... Variety said they were gonna do it. but then they did the pinned comment so it feels like they are backtracking...#...even if they were never gonna delete it)#what newer content you want to make. the pros you get subscribing#broken record with this. but watch the og dropout ad. its clear. adresses concerns. tells you what shows would be available#and the one moment that they use sad piano music is used with irony#ok. no further comments until they say something lol#watcher#my post
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
I fully get the anxiety of feeling like you don’t deserve to go to a show. It comes with the whole competetive fandom stuff.
Honestly, as someone who has performed on a lot of stages with varying kinds of crowds, the most important thing isn’t if you’re the biggest fan or if you know the lyrics or some choreography or bring gifts. The thing that is the most valuable is that you go to the show to have a good time. That’s all the artists are generally looking for. That people enjoy their music, enjoy the show, are excited to be there.
Some people may be disappointed that they don’t get a ticket, sure. But it’s not you taking that ticket away from them. Not everyone can have everything. Sometime people don’t get concert tickets. That is not your fault for buying. It is a thing that happens when everyone has the right to buy concert tickets instead of them being raffeled off or gifted. If the show was just for the biggest fans, tickets would be give out as competition prices, not to the person who buys them.
And there is no right way to enjoy the show. Some superfans never learn lyrics because they don’t particularly care. Some people buy tickets to go see random artists just for the experience. Some people just love to give gifts and find that to be the best way of interacting. Your way of doing it is just as valid as all that. You don’t have to earn any right to be there, that is what the tickets are for.
And honestly, you’d be surprised by the number of people who have never even heard of an artist or band who just show up for the show because they had a day off and it could be fun. It’s not about deserving to be there. It’s about wanting to go and getting the chance to actually do that.
I don’t know if this little pep talk eases your mind at all, but I hope it does. Learning to let go of the competetive mindset and attitude when it comes to regular life stuff is a chore and a half. I just want you to know that I would love for you to go to the show.
Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it ❤
#ik it's mostly in my head#I've always felt like I'm never good enough since early childhood#I think band fandoms have partly always been like this#about going to every show and learning all the lyrics and 'you are wearing their merch so name all the albums' or you are a poser#ig and twitter and maybe tiktok as well have just made it worse because now I can see it all the time#like there were people queuing for Tavastia at 6 am today already#and there are people who travel across the continent for the shows#and I do not have those kinds of possibilities because I can't afford it and I have a day job#which makes be both feel like a bad person because I can't sacrifice everything to be a fan#but also makes me reconsider if I'm too old to be a fan and I'm just embarassing myself by going to any shows at all ever#because clearly band fandoms are only meant for teens and people in their early twenties who can skip school and camp outside the venue#also i made the mistake of going to twitter and saw a thread about 'so what gifts have you guys made for the boys this time?'#and I was so shook because I had no idea that you're supposed to make gifts to give for the artists at EVERY show#and I can't make anything#I have no skills or money#I can't paint or sew or make crafts#so is it like I'm a lesser person because I only paid for the ticket#you see where I'm coming from?#asks
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
u know what i've been thinking about. how the economy expects you to be, right now, at a job you've been at and consistently getting raises in for like, ten years. it's almost like the implication is "well yeah, you'll be able to live off this job in three, five, ten years if you stick with it and grow in the company" which is all fine and dandy, but i kind of need to live right now
#the queen of trash has spoken#rewrote this post six times and it turned into an essay both times and i don't really need it to lol#also thinking about the graphic i saw this morning that said the average spending power of $100 here is $41 compared to the national averag#which i guess? min wage is just over $16 here. but uhhhhhhhh i think my city is one of the most expensive in the state as far as cost of#living goes (not hard since we're the second largest city in a state of three decent sized cities and mostly large towns)#and its just crazy bc i look at my coworkers some of whom haven't been there much longer than me#who have kids and a house and stuff#and i realize oh. their husbands are engineers or lawyers. plus they're probably making more than me because they're team leads or managers#or have been there longer. meanwhile my 25 year old ass is making $20 an hour and my boyfriend is making $18 an hour#both doing highly-specialized work#and like. the idea that in ten years if i last that long both in the company and in this mortal coil#THEN i'll be making a living wage (in today's money)#is like. so wack! considering the fact that people really aren't staying in jobs for very long for various reasons#and for some positions the only way to get a raise is to move to a whole new company#it's just crazy! the fact that a 25 year old with a bachelor's degree can't even afford a fucking APARTMENT.#like everyone should be able to have housing obvs and the obvious solution to this is a universal basic income#but the fact that my experiencce in the economy is so different from my brothers (who is seven years older than me) and COMPLETELY#unrecognizable to that of my parents when they were my age. like i know billionaires are totally disconnected from reality#but in what universe is this a successful economy? /rq i know the answer i promise
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#the week before last my mom and i decided to spend more time in nature since we've been cooped up inside since like 2020#we decided to enjoy our garden again#(mostly cause we can't afford to turn on the AC because of bills going up but it was still a nice change in routine)#we cleaned up the patio table and got our folding chairs from storage (things we hadn't properly used in years)#i got an old unused notebook out to write outside and just have a nice chill time#we were combating mosquitoes but it was fine and my dog was really happy to just chill with us on the grass#it was perfect and lovely#...#that lasted exactly 3 days#last tuesday night some fucking asshole jumped my neighbors wall (or our gate idk) and stole our two old ass folding chairs#and wednesday night he came back to get the table he forgot (a table so fucking heavy idk how he managed to get it up the wall/gate)#and as you can imagine... if we can't afford to turn on the ac because the electricity bill is already impossible to pay...#it was a real fucking effort to buy another table#but i fucking REFUSE to go back inside like a fucking puppy with my tail between my legs#we can barely make it to the end of the month#buying something silly like icecream or an extra sweet has us revaluating the entire month's expenses#and we can't even own fucking furniture that we've owned for like 15 years#i'm so fucking tired!#i want to either die or leave this place and honestly dying is more achievable#anyways i just spent almost half the money i had on my bank account#but i bought a small folding table which i will fold up and bring inside every fucking night because not even a gate can keep you safe#i will fucking sit outside and enjoy fucking nature so help me god!#(if the rats/lizards let me lol)#see why i'm so fucking tired all the time?! when you're not dealing with pests you're dealing with human pests#i do thank god and all angels above they didn't try to break in and kill us in the process but my fucking garden furniture!!!#that was too long cause i'm still pissed#and tomorrow is grocery shopping day so i'm depressed again#angel talks#personal
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
fuck capitalism. so much.
#work shenanigans#mostly#i work at a cafe. they are establishing a new rule that we must only ring up drinks for ourselves *even on shift* purely as customers#in the line. and also we cannot make our own drinks#they claim this is because we should look like customers because we're scaring them that any random person can walk back there and make smth#but our GM literally was like actually they want people to get less free stuff because they claim they can't afford the union required#raises otherwise
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm not feeling so great this morning. Istg if I'm sick again I'm going to beat up all of my coworkers
#everybody's been catching a stomach virus at my store recently#my stomach hurts a bit#but its mostly my head that's feeling shitty rn#I literally can't afford to miss more work Im gonna have to go in sick and repeat the cycle#fucking insane#I always compare my store like a fucking high school when it comes to my coworkers#because of the cliques and the drama and gossip#but also now because illness spreads through our staff as quickly as it does in a public school its insane#sam's rants about life
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
-
#they speak!#ignore this#my coworker needs to move out and i can't tell if he was mostly joking or completely serious but he asked if i wanted to rent a place w him#and it's so tempting it's. so fucking tempting i want to move out so bad#and especially on days like today where i have to listen to my parents fail to communicate without getting loud and angry#like i feel so awful. i'm 22 and i still have to hide in my room and try not to cry. i can't live like this anymore.#and it feels so hopeless because what else can i do? fuck up my health even more by working more hours?#so i can afford renting a tiny place? when i'm already so unwell and struggling to take care of myself??#and i know i'm not at a place to cut my parents out of my life so i'd have to endure all the judgement they'll have about who i room with#and i know know know no matter who i room with there'll be judgement. because i can't even talk to friends casually without it lol#not to overshare on main but i was omw to work on friday and almost cried at the bus station#because i was thinking about how i never really had an adult in my life that really truly loved and nurtured me#like yeah i had teachers and later in my teens some community members that supported me and were positive influences with positive impacts#and as much as i am hurt by my parents they still very much cared for me and shaped me as a person. both for better and for worse.#and yeah be the adult that is there for yourself now and all that but.#i can never change the fact that there wasn't someone that was there. and i wish i could stop mourning but it's hard. it's so hard.#and one day it will get easier but for now i just have to endure it. i guess. hahaha. :)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
a doctor was once like 'you might have mild autism' and it was never brought up again. thanks for dropping that bomb in these trying times i guess
#i have so many rants about my mental health and the systems people have to go through to get help because they can't afford private#but this#i'm tapping my screen right now#THIS#i was going for an assessment on my depression and anxiety#i think a mostly out of nowhere speculative diagnosis paired with my anxiety is not healthy#it wouldn't change anything but it would be so much more to deal with in terms of people#it's an element of uncertainty in what processes i would have to deal with and hi?#i hate that?#especially the lack of concrete plans for a follow through#or any advice#it's been almost two years and i still twitch thinking about it
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gilear and gortholax i am rotating them in my mind
#random thoughts#fantasy high#gilear absolutely fucking instigates it are you kidding me#like after a while of gilear and gorthalax hanging out for fig's sake they're in a weird 'only friends cuz out kids are friends' kinda thing#except their kids are the same kid#also they both work at the school so they're in meetings and at school events#and gilear keeps the cooler in the locker room stocked with drinks and snacks for the bloodrush players so you KNOW#you KNOW they're bumping into each other#the teachers have a bimonthly get-together where the location changes each time#sometimes it's at krom's diner or basrar's soda fountain but it's MOSTLY at the black pit for drinks#before gorthalax started his job gileat never attended one of these get-togethers because 1. he's gilear and 2. couldn't afford it#gorthalax didn't hear about it until he was in a conversation with a fellow teacher and gilear and the teacher brought it up#gorthalax's like 'why didn't you tell me about this??? we're going' because that man LOVES SOCIAL INTERACTION#and he offers to cover all gilear's drinks because he just wants him to get out of the house already#and gilear's like 'well if you're paying i suppose it would be rude of me not to indulge'#gorthalax is the designated driver for the night </3 baby can't drink#gilear gets absolutely SMASHED for the first time in god knows how long#he goes from ramrod straight 'i am extremely inebriated' to loose and giggly and leaning into gorthalax's side because he's very warm#and there is some point in the night where gorthalax goes from 'hell yeah im helping my friend have a good time' to 'oh dude'#'i think you should sit down' to 'oh you are VERY MUCH COMING ONTO ME and you are VERY DRUNK'#he eventually takes gilear home early (it's fine porter doesnt drink either) and stays there until he falls asleep#and also sleeps on the couch because he's a LITTLE concerned gilear's gonna get up to some shit#just imagine gorthalax sleeping on this tiny couch. like a mastiff in a cat bed#he ends up cooking him breakfast which gilear takes in the COMPLETELY WRONG WAY and is like 'oh god did we . . . ???'#and gorthalax is immediately like 'NO NO NO YOU WERE WAYYYY TOO DRUNK I JUST STAYED OVER BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU'D HURT YOURSELF OR SOMETHING'#'btw your kitchen is like. super sparse. i bought you some groceries.'#gilear is also very apologetic for coming onto him 👏 the 👏 whole 👏 night 👏 and hopes he didn't make him uncomfortable#and gorthalax is like 'oh no you're fine i would have stopped you if you crossed a line. would have stopped you very easily actually'#'im eight feet tall' and gilear's like 'that you are'#gilear's flirting is the epitome of 'how tall are you?' 'idk 8 feet 8'5 with the horns' 'with the horns you're SO funny' babygirl's deranged
6 notes
·
View notes