#most of them i wasnt tho. it's just like
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hmmm no i dont think i drank enough all my wips still look cringe
#this makes it sound like i drink when i write but i dont lol i wrote all those wips sober as usual#but! some of them i was half asleep#most of them i wasnt tho. it's just like#if i dont do an idea right in the moment i will get embarrassed and die and not finish '#hence why i tend to write only one shots over short periods of time and only post rough doodles i did in one sitting#the longer i have to over think it the less likely ill finish or wanna show or talk about it
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Pictures from the 2023 Brazil Post-Race that made me psychologically and physcially and emotionally unwell:
#of course there are more but ive either reblogged or posted most of them#im just....so unwell over everything today#and all of these are beautiful bcs of nando of course but at the same time many are just really genuinely great compositions#god im so glad the trophy is gold bcs the way sun reflects off it is crazy#HE DESERVES ALL THE GOLD!!!!!#and he looks so gorgeous in the sun#(theres smth vett//onso here to be said about the gold and sunshine HUH WHAT SHHHH SHHHHHHH)#the one where its glowing when hes holding it up in the air is sending me. its like smth from indiana jones or smth#if i wasnt dedicated to seb id probably make all my background on ever device from this#its funny tho bcs the majority of my backgrounds rn are from another brazil gp. interlagos is just the best i guess.#aaaaaaahhhh his podiums are always so good like i dont think anyone on this grid has the same energy as him#none of them ever seem as happy and energetic as he is :/ so when he does get on the podium i always intend to make the most out of it!!!!#kissing him squeezing him loving him#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#we do a little bit of f1#2023 brazilian gp
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having fun with colors for once :P
thanks @creepycoffins for the awesome dtiys :D
#creepycoffinsdtiys#trigun#millions knives#vash the stampede#i haven't drawn nearly enough knives. posted him even less#him and vash are so fun to draw :P ik they have the same face but it's like. fun to experiment with how different i can make them look yk#also admittedly. did most of this at work during downtime so if it looks funky..... my bad#the lighting isn't the greatest aight?? it's night shift and there's no windows but they do dim the lights#i did do the limited coloring i did at home lol. wasnt gon bring more art supplies to work#trying to get back into the swing of things with my drawing. i got myself a huion display for my birthday this year!#on top of my traditional i wanna do more animated stuff#primarily animated bc honestly i don't really wanna learn digital painting or whatever. im not interested in that and i like my harsh style#i'd also like to do more original work. i think last year was literally just trigun fanart lmfaoo#we'll see how things turn out ig#i'm not really holding myself to doing anything bc i don't see that turning out well. i am applying myself to more fan projects at the leas#tho those i'm applying more as a writer lmfao#well anyway. enough about me. i actually really like the drawing this was based off of! i didn't include the full body designs#and tbh vash's design is almost entirely cut out just cuz how the pose worked out :(#so i would highly suggest checking out the original art by the person i tagged!#and their other art's pretty banging as well :D
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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omitted the first part bc it was translated a lil weirdly but in one of zagan's texts he tells you he found out he's the first one to meet you after satan sitri and ppyong and if you ask him about it:
YALL TRIED TO DOME MY SWEETIE PIE PUMPKIN????
#whb#whb zagan#ik leraye wasnt trying to hes just extremely clumsy#and unsurprisingly paimon is a hair grabber#which i would think is a danger for most of them in gehenna they've all got inches aside from leraye. sitri is barely safe#but still WORKING TOGETHER TO END MY POOKIE BEAR???#with how chill he is abt it tho its probably. common.#and from how belial talks abt them being in and out his room + they tend to be like that in general#makes sense.
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no one told me how isolating unmasking would be
#and its certainly...something#like i dont regret it#i dont wanna masking to be my default and i dont wanna be in pain or uncomfortable anymore#but realizing that the ppl in my life have never been exposed to the real unmasked version of me#and finding that most of them dont like that version#well its kinda heartbreaking#and dont get me wrong i do love my alone time#but im also so terribly lonely at the same time#and dont know hoe to fix it bc for most ppl relationships depending on the going out aspect#and lots of that stuff is painful for me and im trying to not force myself to do#so im just left on my own#just wasnt ready for how terrible this would be even tho its also great#autism#ry rambles#probably will delete later
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aftermath
#pokespe#pokemon special#gold (pokespe)#silver (pokespe)#crystal (pokespe)#pokemon adventures#you know you'd never be able to tell that i like more dexholders than the johtrio but consider . im love them#my art#nailed crys's look and then flubbed gold's but like. its ok.#this sketch is supposed to like..... give minimal details but if u know the hgss arc then you can probably guess where its supposed to be#<:3 minimal body language from silver is intentional. but again you can probably tell based on the looks from crys and gold :)#OK NOW HGSS SPOILER TALK AFTER THIS if u spoil urself with this warning then i can do Nothing abt that#fuck pry/ce all my homies hate pr/yce#forget giovanni beating him up. silver's ursa/rang would've thrown down with him if it wasnt for lan/ce#i think silver could use a second. his father returns and then is like yaha im gonna still lead team rocket even tho i just got better from#my chronic(?) condition. i also showed up with the dude who took u from me and i didnt body him after arc//eus was done fighting#most of my stuff lately has been traditional stuff but by golly i am doin my best to return to computer stuff too
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that scene with cyn/the solver and uzi at the very end where the solver/cyn is still a part of uzi.... so OSSDID/System coded fr fr.... im going insane abt it. im so autistical abt this
please please PLEASE send me asks abt this i am so eager to talk to ppl abt it
(rambles in tags)
#murder drones#murder drones ep 8#murder drones spoilers#md ep 8 spoilers#have i literally ever posted abt md on here i fucking LOVE md. me specifically as an alter especially it is my fave show <3#i want to BE cyn fr fr. shes soooo gender envy#0ph3li4.txt#i would word my thoughts more but even tho im a system myself im SOOOO fucking scared other systems will say 'wtf are u on abt'#but like#i dont think uzi's experience is a 1.1 paralell with being a system obv but i think functionally itd be v similar (to my experiences)#the previous hosts of the solver. cyn included. are not alters per se. i dont think uzi would use that term for them anywayz. but they are-#part of uzi and her 'brain' and whatnot. yk?#kind of like a new host taking over#so like#cyn /solver might be the main one uzi has to deal with#but i feel like theres potential that she could deal with the other hosts too.#do you think original cyn is in there at all?#ugh im gonna get so much flack for using the wrong term so lemme just start I KNOW INTEGRATION AND FUSION OR WHATEVER ARE DIFFERENT!!#that being said#i prefer the term integration to fusion. so.#in this scenario / au whatever i like to imagine original cyn is integrated with another part. most likely solver itself.#and in our experience with alters integating (not universal!!). some of their traits/mannerisms wear off on that part! so solver probably-#gained some of original cyn's personality traits / mannerims. but is still its own person.#tessa could also be part of the 'system' even tho she wasnt a host per se#idk#im yappin#please send asks abt this i will ramble forever and ever
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not directed at anyone in particular but i miss when this community was more of a community. when people actually talked to each other and socialized with people they didnt know in a friendly manner and didnt go around gossiping like highschoolers. i've been here since 2018 and most of the people i know here have been here for a while and are adults now, if they weren't already, so act like one. it feels like everyone's constantly at each other's throats and there's no room to breathe or even be empathetic or civil with each other when we should be. like it seriously in a way almost forgets with all the discourse and stuff that happens people forget real people are behind the screen, like real people that have feelings lol.
i get part of this is because there are so many proshippers rampant in the community now, i feel like there is too from what i've seen and i don't like them either but i feel like people need to get a life and leave it alone like if you don't like it just block and move on lol. it's really childish to be just dwelling on it and spreading more gossip . i honestly don't think the community is ever gonna return to how it was years ago and i don't have hope in it doing so but. it just sucks!!!
#ok to rb if you want i guess#sorry i just have to rant#kinda insane tho how i feel like#being online has such a different attitude towards others compared to being in person#like you forget that you're talking to a person i guess. and just see them as a name on a screen and forget to be kind#i've noticed this a lot it just seems like everyone is so hostile to each other and just out for everyone's throats#and it rlly sucks cuz it wasnt like this when i first joined the community.#partly why ive been so on and off here cuz i dont like the environment lol#or i just stay in my own little mutual circle#idk if something truly bad happens then i may leave one day and just stick to my silly friend group on discord but likeeee#mm whatever#it just feels like people dont even consider people can grow as people and learn from mistakes they are so quick to cancel each other.#ive fucked up myself in the past but i've learned from it especially with age tho i feel like most people wouldn't even consider that#as like something that could happen#anyways little rant over#ky shut up#my post
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everyone on earth probably has a hypothetical farming sim in their mind's eye that they daydream about on occasion because of the unfortunate situation that despite there being like a thousand farming games released every minute only like 4 of them are any good. and i think this is fun, i think its good to keep the imagination alive. if i made a farming sim i would bring back rival marriages from the old friends of mineral town. i want to steal someones wife.
#jk jk you dont steal anyones wife or husband. but it wasnt a popular feature because people felt like they were stealing someones spouse#plus the fact that characters married eachother after a certain amount of time made them unavailable for player marriage adding a timelimit#if the player wants to get married. but thats why i want it BACK i think its 1) hilarious and 2) interesting and makes the world feel alive#NOW part of the reason (outside of it being an unpopular feature to begin with) its not in like any modern games is probably because#devs don't know how to deal with non-gender-locked marriage candidates with this#i think its easy. everyone is bisexual. not just playersexual. textually bisexual#it'll be interesting if they always have a set pairup regardless of player gender but it could also be interesting if there was like#a little algorithm to give a couple non-player pairups as options. maybe make it random#or if a dev was tooooo ambitious they could add a matchmaking system that the player could be involved with if they wanted to play cupid LO#but that seems too much for a farming game. thats usually a whole other game in itself#but yeah i think its easy. its not like farming sim marriage candidates are all that deep characters to begin with#i think itd be fine if you had a couple randomized rival marriages...... i think itd be neat#my other farming sim daydream is NO fucking combat for the love of god FREE ME from combat#that is why i like story of seasons just a bit more than stardew#stardew has so much good farming mechanics but god i hate the mines. i think its so soso sososososososo boring#i also dont really like the turn based battles in atelier games and most atelierlikes either#(well i liked it in mana khemia but that was more turn based focused than alchemy focused)#i came here to farm. i came here to make potions. i came here to micromanage numbers. do not make me battle#but that is purely a personal preference thing LOL a lot of people really love farming game combat. i dont tho <3#MY DAYDREAM FARMING SIM HAS NO COMBAT... AND YES CUCKHOLDRY#(jk jk thats not what rival marriages are. but thats how people talk about them. which is fascinating)#(unfortunately it makes me laugh so thats why i keep making jokes about it. sowwy <3 )
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HOW DO YOU JOIN WITH BASE 32 STRENGTH?? KJELLE JOINED WITH 18 HOW DO YOU HAVE 32?!?!?!
#ann plays awakening#i got his mom late so i recruited him two chapters after everyone else#so about half of them have made it to promoted classes#HES STRONGER THAN ALL OF THEM?????#closest ive got is two units at like 30 str#UNLEVELED GEROME JUST HAS 32. WHAT#this fucking guy. i love him so much#havent recruited him yet cuz im tired and his paralogue on lunatic is daunting#i was j grinding his moms’ support rank which is mindless#so his paralogue is a tomorrow thing i was just looking at his stats to know if i should pass lethality to him#im not going to do that 😭#i just. i wasnt expecting 32 i was expecting like 28 at most#i am surprised he didnt cap strength actually but looking at mods he actually gets +6 strength which is like. insane#i think the highest u can get without the avatar is like +7?#so not bad. i honestly didnt think say’ri had a str mod im kinda surprised. definitely pleased tho
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Started a run of pokemon violet where my trainer is Erichthonios. I'm naming all my pokemons after ffxiv monsters. It's gonna be fun
#i named my fuecoco protocarbie hehe#it was gonna be protocarbuncle but there wasnt enough space#anyway. the most OOC thing about this playthrough will be erich having a mom who is genuinely nice and kind and not evil#do i even bother putting this in the tags#yeah sure why not#erichthonios#final fantasy#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#ff14#ffxiv#pokemon#pokémon#pkmn#pokemon violet#pokemon sv#xander rambles#hermes would make a good pokemon trainer too tbh#he wouldnt battle tho. hed own like a pokemon shelter or daycare where he just takes care of them
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THIS IS GONNA SOUND SO MEAN BUT WHY DO U LIKE RYO AOKI/MASATO
masato hot
#snap chats#just like me... heh ... my ac has been broken all month im melting for the love of god send an iceberg im begging you#him turning into aoki is incredibly funny to me like jesus christ. what a lack of self love does to a mfer#but anyway 1.) please do not yell i scare easy 2.) meaner has been said its ok 3.) very reasonable to ask why anyone would like aoki#and 4.) to be Cereal he's inch resting to me. also his speech to ichi at the end hit a lil close and i was reminded of high school#5.) i really like his eng dub voice sorry im american. BUT HIS JP VOICE IS EXCELLENT TOO IM JUST SAYIN#rgg doesnt give an Exact on his disability so looking into lung diseases/conditions has also been interesting#esp post-lung surgery cases and care too so i thank rgg for the opportunity to do some reading#i also do In General just like cases of someone wanting to be loved and changing drastically to get it only to still be unhappy#granted. he sucks so LMAO can only have so much sympathy but it's still interesting to watch#the arakawas is also a part of why i like him because they all work as a big machine. if that makes sense#like the arakawas in general are such an interesting bundle i love all of them a lot because of what they mean to each other#in the case of aoki none of them mean anything to him at most resenting arakawa and despising ichi#meanwhile sawashiro's just. There LOL im so sorry king thats the truth of it all ... i love you tho ...#oh but back to aoki. i also really like politican characters- or at least characters who can have a 'public' persona#its fun thinking about what they have to do mentally to present themselves in public versus when they can 'be themselves'#like aoki's 'intro' scene where he's pleasant to his secretary and then a second later is conniving with ogasawara... peak i fear#OR THEEEE CAR PARK ONE i love that scene so much ...#very fun.. aoki being a politician just makes it infinitely funnier like guys we gotta bully the governor#plus i live and breathe by a glass analysis/comparison a twitter mutual of mine did ... i love glass imagery .......#uhhhh is that all ... idk prob im literally sweating my skin off i cant think right. my clothes are sticking to my skin i hate summer#i dont hate summer im so sorry i didnt mean it .... summer is beautiful .. i just wish this heat wasnt murdering me
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You're getting old (positive) (affectionate)
Nice try. I mean if disliking stuff getting stolen, retooled and reposted out of context irreverently as an inferior version of itself makes me old then I'm embracing my new primordial status wholeheartedly.
#bring on the clouds I'll shake my fist at all of them#anyways because of a comment i got on this I'd like to clarify#since im not allowed to be sassy on the internet when someones being rude#im mildly perturbed about the tiny little lies that a sprinkled around the internet#where things that are meaningful get watered down and changed and commodified until they lose all meaning#hell if dick seal was real I'd think shits hilarious- but its not and most people dont know#and theres millions of things like that everywhere you go and theres no way of knowing what's really real#ive probably seen tons of stuff and believed it without question#just thoughts in my head#still reserving the right to BACK IN MY DAY tho lol#reminds me of that old lesson they taught in school about articles on the internet and there was one about a tree octopus#anyways the point was to pick out what was fake and can you believe it the TREE OCTOPUS WAS REAL#(no it wasnt)
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this can be because you liked all the starters a lot, or wasnt into any of them for a gen, or whatever other reason.
if you get multiple games in a gen/replay games and choose different starters for each game/playthrough, then you can take into consideration if you had any difficulty deciding who youd have as a starter on your first playthrough.
#pokemon#starters#for me the hardest was gen 7. i just loved all 3 of the starters so much!!! i had such a hard time picking which to go with#eventually through ive used all of them in different games- litten in moon. popplio in ultra sun. rowlet in legends arceus#ive never had such a hard time picking a starter in any other region. even in my fave one: sinnoh!#i dont dislike any starters but theres def been ones ive been way more into than others#and so most gens have a clear winner for me#but alola man. poppin out all the incredible starters#gen 8 may have been like. second hardest? but not in any comparable way#like i wasnt spending a lot of time being like oh man WHO am i gonna choose! how could i possibly make a choice!#but i just wasnt too crazy about any of them? so it was kinda the opposite of gen 7#most gens usually have 1 pokemon thats a clear winner for me but none were standing out much in gen 8#now i do lean towards sobble tho since thats who i had decided to go with. i like the sniper theme that inteleon has!#and plus inteleon has a GREAT shiny. love the pink accents so much. also trans colored#also kinda funny that i picked chimchar when i first played gen 4 but now piplup is my fave. got hit by that dawn kin
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#writing#poetry#2022#October 2022#october 13 2022#You’re Kind of an Idiot#yeah i still like this one#I think i specifically trying to imitate Richard Sikken with the funky formating and view changes or however you call it#the context was I convinced my friends to add me to this group chat that had all this people they were friends that I didn’t know#(I did know half of them tho)#and like this wasnt a decision made by the group chat but just the three in it i had lunch with#originally it was a joke i wasnt in it but then i got them to add me#I thought i might get kicked out by one of the people who didn’t know me once they realized this random guy was in the gc#but i ended up fitting it really well and especially got along with the guy i was most intimidated by#there was a discord server that was the REAL gc and wasnt in it#but there was a vote (using discord emote reacts) for if i was gonna be added or not#I didn’t know how to see who did what react on discord at the time so it was anonymous to me at first#the ones who voted no where ones i knew and they totally did it jokingly but i was afraid i was being too annoying and karen esc about it#anyways i got voted and everything went well#the server and group chat eventually got deleted due to drama to do this this girl who was only there cause she was this one guy’s gf#(She fucking sucked btw. like she was a white girl who made racism jokes. thats the kind of person she was)#(fun fact her and the guy she dated straight up met in a psych ward after he tried to kill himself)#rejection sensitive dysphoria#rsd
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