#most of my IRL friends are not able to help me out with housing stuff

[moonstonecanyon]

So I made a GoFundMe....

I really really don't like asking for help normally, nor do I enjoy having to make something like this in the first place, but ongod I don't think I have many options IRL at the moment. I'm a funny little autistic transman named Vergil, also known as MoonstoneCanyon here and on Twitter, and PoisonPikeKing on AO3. I make funny little Megaman things and sometimes Sonic art too.

But also I've been struggling with homelessness IRL for a few months now. I am currently looking for a new job and new career ATM as well as any kind of affordable apartment in central New Jersey at the moment. Thankfully I have a car that I can live out of as a last resort, but... I'd much rather be able to live someone under a roof instead. I've set the goal to $1500 so that I can afford any possible security deposit as well as any first month's rent while I am unemployed for the time being.

If any of you are able to spread this GFM link around, or donate any to this, I really, sincerely appreciate this. Thank you as well for reading this far.

0/1500 usd goal

[diamond-rozie]

*standing menacingly at the door* i made u something

anyways lol. i had a lot of school work and was really busy freaking out and stress studying for a singular test that was 4 questions and would be over in like an hour and then i proceeded to cry about it in my car for various reasons.

but yk what that means!

time for our irregular and unscheduled update of

Gotham Academy's Mentorship Program

this episode featuring a fan favorite: Duke Thomas (aka The Signal - but thats kind of irrelevant for this)

you were supposed to read that like it was from a '90s sitcom and the off screen crowd cheers rly loudly.

some house keeping updates: this scene happens in the beginning of the school year (going by the american system should be september) danny meets damian (and upsurges tim on the same day) around midterm which is around october and then the stuff with jason and damian's drawing happens around december. i kinda accidentally burned the irl timeline for anything dc first scene so now im just gonna do whatever i want.

anyways with out further ado:

table of contents

scene 04: after school activities for normal kids

Duke stood around the corner of the classroom awkwardly, wondering if he had made the right call. Sure the bats and the birds had a plethora of hands on deck any time, but most of them specialized as night time heros. Not to say that they were incompetent or anything, they were some of the most skilled and innovative people Duke had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Sure if anything happened, they could handle it, at least until Duke could slip away and show up as the Signal- Alfred and Bruce had assured him so much. But Duke couldn’t slip the guilt of busying away more of his time to after school activities when he could be patrolling or studying instead, 

But Duke had wanted to do something outside of those things, which was specifically why he had made the difficult decision to join a few clubs and after school activities. He could use a break from being surrounded by people who worked the vigilante life-style just to remember how to be a normal civilian. Let himself take a break from constantly be consumed by one case or another, one disaster or another, not being able to do enough no matter how much he tried or how much time he spent patrolling. 

Duke needed to feel grounded, like his feet were on the ground and he could press the brakes and smell the fragrance of life. Even if the fragrance was a forgotten pile of dog s-

“Alright,” The instructor for their culinary club started with a weird German accent that sounded really fake. “I am Herman. You can call me Chef or Chef Herman or just Chef. I will not bore you all with the boring introductions, and let's head right into the cooking, yes. On this paper here I made the partners for all of you to cook with for the rest of the year. If you have problem with it then quit.” 

This Herman guy seemed like quite the character, and was definitely not helping any of Duke’s previous anxieties. Many of Duke’s clubmates seem to think so too, sending their friends various looks. But no one spoke out, and instead shuffled to the front to look at the singular sheet of paper that would assign them their partners. Duke finally made it to the front and saw that he was paired with a Daniel Fenton at Station 7. 

Crossing his fingers that Daniel had at least only a half-rotten personality, Duke made his way over to station 7. The station was already prepped with an assortment of ingredients and cooking equipment. Duke had already set his stuff down claiming the seat closer to the exit (in case) when a lanky kid comes over, “Uh, your Duke Thomas?” He asks hesitantly looking back at the front counter the partner assignment sheet was. 

It took Duke an awkward second longer to realize that this kid was probably his partner. “Oh yeah I am.” He laughed apologetically, “You must be Daniel.” 

“Danny’s fine.” The boy smiled, absentmindedly brushing his messy black hair out of his face, his glacier blue looking at the equipment. Duke couldn’t help but feel like there was something off about Danny. Not in Gotham’s usual psycho-maniac-out-to-terrorizer-the-city-and-kill-innocent-people kind of off, more in a he’s not in sync with the rest of the world off. While Chef Herman explained the general structure of various types of kitchen and kitchen hierarchy that Duke was already familiar with, Duke tried to get a read on him. 

Weird did not mean threat, after all many of the Justice League- heck even the local Wayne/Batclan were pretty weird- and they (usually) didn’t mean any harm. It wouldn’t be fair of Duke to jump the horse like that. 

Deciding he should try to be friendly with him, Duke leaned over, “Is it just me or is Chef Herman’s accent totally fake?” he whispered. 

“Oh, Ancients,” Anciets? “I thought I was just going insane.” Danny sighed in relief with a small chuckle. There was a moment of silence between the two of them where no one said anything for longer than socially acceptable and Duke debated using his powers to see if he could find a clue or something. That seemed kinda invasive, though. 

When the Chef had started instructions on making today's recipe, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Danny helped Duke measure out the ingredients. “So,” Danny tried again, “What are you in for?” 

“What am I…” Duke repeated confused, 

Danny chuckled awkwardly, “Like why you joined the club.” 

Duke seriously needed to get his head in the present; this was getting embarrassing. “Oh.” He nodded in understanding, “I’ve always liked cooking,” Duke shrugged, “When I was little my parents and I would always cook together, and it was always one of my favorite things to do. And I’ve kinda always liked it, but I fell off of it for a while with school and stuff,” emphasis on the stuff “I thought joining a club could help me get back into it and get away from… everything.” That was a little more candid than Duke had planned on being with someone he had met quite literally a few minutes ago, but it felt good to have that out of his chest. The pleasant memories of his parents swimming in his mind. Mixing the dry ingredients, “Sorry that was kind of a lot.” Duke laughed genuinely this time. 

“Dude, no it’s actually so cool that you like to cook.” Danny said admiration was easy on his face, and Duke couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed. 

“What about you, then?” 

“Ugh,” He groaned jokingly, “You can’t seriously be asking for my lame ass reason after you pulled out the flashbacks.” Danny whined, letting the oven preheat like Chef told them to. 

“C’mon, it’s only fair.” Duke played along, already ahead of the other groups. 

Danny sighed, “Promise you won’t laugh.” 

“Okay, it can’t be that bad.” Duke could already feel the smile cracking on his face. 

“It is.” Danny drawlled, “So I live in the dorms right, and I got to pull some strings and room with one of my friends from back home this year. And well, let’s just say my family has a bit of a reputation for causing problems, and the kitchen definitely wasn’t an exception. One time my dad tried to make some soup for my mom because she got sick.” Duke nodded approvingly, that was a sweet gesture, “It was all fun and games until the bomb squad had to show up and long story short we had to move.” 

“You’re joking.” Duke gaped at the bizarre story, but at Danny’s solemn expression, Duke couldn’t help but be appalled, “A bomb squad over soup.”

“My parents were never really heavy on lab safety,” Danny added, as if that explained everything, “But I burn one pot of water and maybe make a few extra-crispy eggs, and suddenly its all ‘Danny you’re not allowed in the kitchen unless you start taking actual classes’ and ‘Danny that's a biohazard’.” 

“You burned a pot of water.” Duke echoed, Danny nodded innocently, “Water doesn’t burn.”

“Well, maybe you’re just not trying hard enough.” Danny sneered, trying to crack an egg on the corner of the bowl only for all the shell to fall in the bowl and the yolk on the counter. 

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s true.” Duke said, taking the bowl from him and expertly cracking an egg single handedly. Danny looked on in awe. “You said you live in the dorms?” Duke asked easily. 

“Oh yeah, all of the non-local scholarship kids have to.” 

Before Duke could respond, a girl from the station in front of them whips her head around, “You said you’re here on a scholarship?” She asked almost oppressively. 

Danny just as taken aback as Duke felt, “Uh, yeah.” 

“Me, too. Have you heard anything about the Mentorship Program here? Apparently we all have to join.” The girl’s partner was looking between Duke and Danny confused, but returned to their cooking uninterested. 

“Oh, yeah. They make us all join.” Danny nodded. 

“I heard from some of the older kids, that no one actually gets picked for that. It’s just like a weird formality thing.” The girl spoke animatedly, “What department are you in?” 

“Applied physics and engineering design.” The oven beeps that it was ready but no one moved. 

The girl seemed to deflate that answer, “Oh, I’m doing culinary science.” And with that solid conclusionary statement, she turned around and got back to her work station. 

Danny blinked, processing what just happened and slowly turning to look at Duke for proof that just happened. But the second the both of them met each other’s eyes, they burst into a fit of silent laughter. 

Bent vunuralably over the table, trying to catch their breath, they were accosted by Chef Hermon. “The two of you are having a comedy club, not a cooking club.” Chef crossed his arms at the edge of the table. Duke was pretty sure he was trying to sold them, but the fake accent was making it hard to tell. 

Danny cleared his throat and striated up, “Sorry, Sir.” He apologized quickly. 

“Chef.” Hermon peered at them, his hat looking comically large and lopsided on his head now that Duke was getting a closer look. 

“Sorry, Chef.” Duke amended, trying to keep his cool. 

“Yes, finish cooking your cookies.” He nodded satisfied, leaving their station. 

“Okay so,” Duke tried to recount what the last thing they did was, but one look at Danny trying desperately to hold in his laugh had ruined all of Duke’s efforts as well. Barely managing to get their cookies in the oven, over Chef’s fake german accent and floppy oversized chef’s hat. 

“So scholarship for applied physics and engineering design, huh.” Duke recounted from earlier, impressed. 

“Yeah…” Danny trailed off embarrassed, “It sounds kinda snotty.” 

“Dude. That’s literally one of the hardest departments to get into, and the scholarship is no sneeze either. There’s no doubt you worked your butt off to get that.” Duke assured Danny as they sat in their stools waiting for the cookies to finish. 

“Thanks,” Danny smiled sheepishly. They sat in a much more comfortable silence now before Danny spoke again, “What grade are you in by the way?” 

“I’m in 10th. General studies for now, but I was thinking of doing medicine. You?” 

“I could totally see you as a hot-shot doctor.” Danny nodded approvingly, “11th. Technically, I’m your upperclassman then.” 

“Technically?” Duke asked.

“I mean, how old are you?” 

“15.” Duke supplied confused. 

“Me too. I skipped a grade in elementary school, so we’re actually the same age.” Danny explained, sheepishly. 

“Dude, you're actually way smart.” Duke gaped in awe. 

“Hey medicine isn’t a day walk either.” Danny nudged his arm playfully, “I’m glad the mentorship thing is just for show, though. Now that we’re upperclassmen, y’know. I would not want my hands full with some random rich kid.” 

Duke laughed, “Yeah, that definitely sounds like a lot of work.” 

Easily unfolding the conversation into various topics and interests Duke found that he didn’t mind that the cookies were burnt. Or that Danny was definitely weird. But in a good way. Duke was glad they met and would get to hang out and cook with their weird not-German Chef every week. And if Danny and Duke exchanged numbers and planned to hangout outside of club activities, then well who was going to stop them.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for getting upset at my best friend for calling me a hoarder in passing?

My (29NB) best friend (also 29NB) have been going through major crises lately at the same time—we will call them Sun. So, yesterday, they sent me a text, when we weee talking about how they haven’t wanted to be over at my house for a while, mostly bc they don’t like my partner…although the subject was in discussion bc my partner and I are splitting up, and I will be living alone again in a couple months. At some point in this discussion, they mentioned the more pressing matter that’s caused them not to be over as much is that they are very allergic to one of my cats—but only the one I just adopted a couple years ago, they’ve had no allergy issues w the other one and they love her very much, she is their niece.

However, at one point, they mentioned that a few years ago, when I was using drugs a lot more irresponsibly than usual—to the point where I got injured from falling down the stairs—they had been speaking to my other close friends. Which is appreciated, and I knew about this already obviously since there was an intervention that happened around that time…the way they mentioned this was upsetting. Specifically, they mentioned that “they approached [other friend of mine] about my drug use bc they thought I was becoming a hoarder” and that MAJORLY triggered me—specifically the hoarder comment. The woman who gave birth to me/raised me is a hoarder, which is a well known fact to just about anyone who is close to me irl, especially anyone who’s known her irl, and ESPECIALLY Sun, who worked as her caregiver for quite a while. Also being compared to/told I am just like my abusive egg donor is the thing that will hurt me the most, bc she is the most cruel, manipulative, abusive people I’ve ever had in my life.

So the thing is, my house is indeed very messy…I have too much junk around, and it’s very difficult for me physically to keep anything clean. It’s actually one of the reasons I’m separating from my partner, and as ashamed as I am about it, I understand. However, it’s not a hoarding disorder at all—I don’t hold onto anything I don’t need out of sentimentality, and if I could wave a magic wand and simply get rid of all the extra shit I don’t need/make everything nice and clean, I would. Unfortunately, I am very disabled with too many chronic pain/fatigue conditions, and actually cleaning the house/sorting through shit to get rid of takes immense physical effort. But whenever someone offers to help me, I jump at those opportunities! I take things to be donated all the time (if I’m able to sort through the stuff that needs to go) and it’s entire worlds different than my egg donor refusing to give up several bins of my baby clothes bc she can’t bear to part with them, despite them never seeing use in her possession ever again.

So, I responded to Sun’s mention of a past conversation thinking I’m a hoarder, with offense and saying it hurt me. We had been discussing just downsizing and how we will be going through my stuff as we pack for the new place, and had mentioned that I should make sure to get rid of certain clothing things if they have holes/are worn out/whatever, which to me, sounded like they think I have a hard time throwing clothes away even if they’re not even wearable anymore. With that and the hoarding accusation in mind, I told them I was very hurt by this. I made sure to be respectful and kind yet assertive, but after explaining how this was an unfair assumption/description of me, they got upset and said I should’ve asked for clarification before coming at them.

Now, do me, I wouldn’t have even considered they meant anything other than how I interpreted it, so it would never have even occurred to me to ask for clarification if I’m not even aware there’s a miscommunication. Apparently, the reason they mentioned getting rid of clothes that have been too worn out is an issue they have themselves, but this isn’t anything I was ever aware of, and once again never would’ve thought was referring to anyone but me. They also say they’re aware that it’s my physical difficulties that make cleaning physically painful for me…but honestly, that’s not anywhere near the same as having a hoarding disorder, which is indeed what they’d accused me of.

Of course, I know the both of us overreacted—me, being offended about being accused of being a hoarder (especially since my immense difficulty cleaning the house is part of why I’m separating from my partner and is therefore something I’m incredibly sensitive about right now) and them, being offended that I took what they said wrong and being upset over some things they didn’t actually intend w what they said…but I’m just not sure if maybe I AM in the wrong here, for expressing being hurt by being called a hoarder here, or if I really am making the entire thing a big deal out of nothing.

So, AITA for voicing my offense at being called a hoarder?

What are these acronyms?

[anon-imuz]

Yandere Jodio X childhood friend reader who moved away before Jodio set that bus on fire because her dad got a job in Ohio and she comes back to visit her relatives in Hawaii when she's in High school and she decides to surprise visit Jodio and Dragona and their mom. Jodio isn't willing to let her go a second time.

your probably have no idea of how MAD i am i literally finished writing this and my phone crashed so I have to do it again... idk if it was longer or shorter before since it got magically deleted

not a gif but idc

Pairing: Yandere!Jodio Joestar x Fem!Childhood friend! Reader

Warnings:Yandere behavior and imprisonment

Type:angst with a bit of psychological horror

Notes: i dont condone dddne irl and English isn't my first language so there might be spelling mistakes. I'm also not good at psychological horror but I tried anyway

Your dad after a long day of work, knocked on your door.

"Hey can you open? I've got something to tell you."

You got up, placed your phone on the nightstand, walked up to your door and opened it.

"We're going to Hawaii for a few days to visit your relatives. I hope you're happy, and if you are, start packing your bags!" Your dad said, but closed the door before you could even say anything.

You picked up your suitcase and started packing it, putting all the necessary things inside.

When you woke up, your family settled to go back to your childhood place, you were excited to meet your relatives, but also someone else.

When you arrived, all your relatives met you with sweet phrases and hugs, only to then let you go set off all your stuff and come to the table to eat something.

After that, it was almost late evening so you decided to go surprise your friend with a visit. You explained everything to your parents only to leave off with a:

"Yeah yeah don't worry, I'll call you if something happens!"

You then went to the florist to buy some nice flowers for his mom, and went to his house.

You knock on the door,

"Who's there?" His mom asks.

"Guess who!" You respond in a playful tone.

She then greets you with a hug and various compliments, also thanking your for the flowers.

Once you've entered his house, you tiptoed to his room, then knocking.

"Come in..." He said in an annoyed tone, only to then widen his eyes when he saw you.

"Hii!" You greet him with a cute smile, sitting on the edge of his bed.

Finally. Finally you came back. Finally you could be with him forever.

"Oh hi, didn't expect you here." He played it off cool with a neutral face.

"Only a hi? it's been a while since we last met you know? asking anything is okay." You say, strange out by his behavior.

"Did you miss me?" He hesitantly asked.

"Well yeah, but growing up I've also made some other friends, you know..."

What?

Friends?

Wasn't he supposed to be your only friend? Wasn't he supposed to be the only friend you'd rely on? The one you loved the most?

He didn't know how to answer, but then sighed and said:

"If that's what you're looking for..."

You didn't understand his phrase because as soon as he finished it you were knocked out.

When you woke up, you felt tightly held by some ropes,on your wrists and ankles. When you got conscious, you realized you were trapped and couldn't do anything about it.

You screamed for help but the only thing that replied to you were your own echoes.

"You're disgusting. After all the time I spent waiting for you, after all the hope that I lost thinking of you, of our memories, thinking you still cared about me, the only thing you're able to tell me is that you've made new friends? With some random annoying stupid scumbags? I should be your only friend. There should be no other one but me. I'm so disappointed by you..." He said, almost scolding you.

What? Was he serious? He really was the one who did this? This felt surreal. There was no way this wasn't some nightmare caused by the stress from school.

"W-what? A-are you crazy? LET ME GO! NOW!" You screamed in fear, but only received a giggle as response.

"Me? Crazy? I'm the crazy one? Do you even know what you're saying?" He asked.

"LET ME FUCKING GO YOU PSYCHO! NOW!!!" You screamed, as loud as you could, but nobody answered.

"Your words are very rude, Oh by the way, I really wanted to say that your parents are so loving. You have no idea how many times they've called your phone. Then they called my mom, she asked me where you were. I said i didn't know because after a while you just left and I had no idea where you were or went. But guess what? I was lying, of course. Now we're going to be best friends forever and nothing will do us apart. Hey, perhaps you'll even develop some feelings for me. " He said, cupping your cheek with his hand, with a light grin on his face.

[daisydezem]

Irl update

So yeah hi! It's been a long while since I gave an update. I think it's been a year. And a lot has happened. I'll put it under the cut so if you aren't about irl stuff you don't have to see me rambling on haha.

So last time I posted was while I still lived one week at my exes house and the other week at my persents, did early shifts one week and the other late/night shifts, was busy with improving myself and dating a lot haha

I dated until June last year, then I fell for someone. HARD. But he wasn't and isn't looking for anyone or anything. So I never acted on my feelings or said anything. We are good friends and that will just have to be enough. But this made me lose interest in dating all together. So yeah... Now tho it's been almost a year and I just kinda wanna love. And told myself to get over myself and just start up again with dating. But my heart is not really in it. Now 2 weeks ago, we had a party of work (again) and it was so much fun. There was sooo many drinks haha and I ended up kissing a coworker on the way back to the station. He is lovely but has a whole situation with his ex (they still live together after 8 years separated) due to the kids. And that plus my crush on the other person is keeping me back. I mean there is nothing wrong with just having fun. I did that often enough but idk if I can do that now. Oh well... Just had to write that off of me haha

Then my living situation changed soooo much! I was able to buy myself a new house. It's location is just awesome! Look at my view!

I had the opportunity to buy it from my great-uncle. On a condition ofc. He would be allowed to keep living there until he could find something fitting, that might take between 1 and 6 years tho due to the housing situation here. We are however close and get along good so it was the best option to start up my own life again. So I did that! It's was a hard with the bank and stuff but in the end I did it. I was so happy and a little anxious at the same time. This because while the location is awesome and the space is great... my great-uncle is a single older man and has been living there alone (or with his wayward kids) for 20 years. Cleaning and maintenance only happened when it was critical. So yeah... It was (is) a fixer upper. But with all my money into buying the house I don't have any left to do that. So I started on my own. Just a few impressions from before (keep in mind this was considered cleaned)...

And I turned it into (This was almost ready)...

but we had to to it with a lot of spaces. I'm most proud on how the little ones room turned out. It wont let me upload those clips since it's too big haha But still I'm still not done in the house. Also I can't do everything yet since all my great-uncle's stuff was still every where.

Speaking of the little one.... He turned 10 earlier this month and has been living with me since august. He visits his dad 2 weekends in a row and the rest he is with me and I'm so happy about it. He changed to a better school, joined the soccer team and is enjoying living close to grandma.

Then, stuff happened with my brother, I don't want to repeat what happened to him before but it's in a earlier irl update post. He became more and more unstable to the point I told my dad that it would be better that my sister would live with me. So she now lives in my new house as well. She has the attic to herself and is free to do what she want. Now has a job and is making friend in the town as well. So yeah we got a house full of people!

I've been playing some games, but even those like ffxiv I just didn't touch for a long while since it all just became a little too much. I went to seek some help with my (new) doctor and we thought it would be a good idea to have me tested on ADHD. It's still half year till the test tho since there is a wait. But it might be the reason I hyper fixate on things.

I've been playing a lot of dnd. It distracted me of everything and it's amazing. I even joined a group with work to play instead of me DMing my own group.

So yeah I've typed enough again:P

Cheers to you if you got to the end! Haha Kusjes en Liefde Kisses and Love -Daisy

Also changed up my hair a little again and I'm proud of it!

[thatrandomartistjavi]

I’ve been trying to sit down and really think why Alice by Heart Cheshire didn’t make an impression on me because on paper I should at least like him. It’s an adaptation that does its own plot that acknowledges that he is Alice’s friend and cares for her. Not only that but they don’t make him a bootlicker which is scarely common.

So overall when going to watch the show, I thought that would at least like him and think that he was a good version of Cheshire. But I didn’t. He isn’t bad, trust me I’ve seen way worse in my time of watching AIW adaptations.

But if someone were to ask me to recommend versions of Cheshire, it would take a LOT for me to recommend this version.

And I think maybe is that even tho he seems to be important, he doesn’t really do much. The show itself doesn’t do much with Cheshire and barely even engaged with him other than his big major scene.

Like they have his irl counterpart be homeless but they don’t really do anything with that concept. It doesn’t factor in to why Cheshire is the one to sing to Alice about how she has to learn to let go of Alfred and come to terms that he’s dying. Not having a home and losing a loved one are two very different situations that garner different emotions.

And the decision to make Tabatha homeless doesn’t really make sense because Cheshire isn’t homeless in the book. He’s very explicitly the Duchess’ cat and very much lives in the same house as her. He’s literally included in the illustration where the Duchess is nursing her baby and the Cook is making her soup. He’s very much there and Alice asks about him to the Duchess.

This wouldn’t be so bad if the Duchess wasn’t included therefore rendering him homeless but the Duchess IS THERE. She has a whole scene with Alice and she’s seen at the trial, and not once do her or Cheshire ever acknowledge each other in the slightest.

I don’t mind Cheshire not having a Duchess. Most Cheshires who I consider good don’t have them. But it does peeve me off because in my opinion, Alice by Heart really needed to acknowledge that fact.

Why DOES Cheshire sing Alice Some Things Fall Away. Cheshire isn’t wise as a character. He is helpful or tries to be at least. But he isn’t a character that you can tell any problem to and they’ll be able to give sound advice. Cheshire isn’t omniscient nor does he claim to know everything. So them just making him sing this for no particular reason makes no sense to me. It feels a little lazy like he only sings it cause he was the first person there.

This song should be emotional. This song should’ve made me all full in my emotions cause that’s usually how I am with Cheshire and Alice but because there isn’t any meaningful connection between the song and him, then the moment falls flat for me. I feel nothing listening to it.

And this is where acknowledging the Duchess when it comes to Cheshire would be useful. The Duchess in the book has a baby. They reference it in show with her calling Alice her pig. And while this isn’t smth said explicitly, I do think that to some degree Cheshire makes himself responsible for the baby. The reason why he goes outside is because Alice takes the baby with her and in their last moments, their conversation is centered around where the baby went and what it turned into. And he leaves the scene to find said baby. And I really think they should have done smth with the concept of Cheshire being somewhat responsible for the pig baby with Tabatha.

Tabatha could have been an older brother to his baby sibling in which he lost due to war. So now Cheshire would have some reasoning to sing Some Things Fall Away because Tabatha knows what it’s like to lose a close loved one. Tabatha knows how hard it is to come to terms when someone like that is no longer in your life, that you’ll never get to talk them again, never laugh with them again. But ultimately that stuff like that is out of their control and the only thing to really do is to just come to terms with it. That, at least to me, would make that song much more impactful.

I also think there’s smth missing in the performance that I don’t really know. How the actress played him didn’t really scream Cheshire to me but idk what specifically.

My brain has this thing where if I don’t like or care for the Cheshire, I will not be interested in the adaptation. Which is like one of two reasons why I probably didn’t like Alice by Heart as much as I thought I would. Just

It’s hard being the #1 Cheshire analyzer literally nobody gets him like I do /lh

[nukenai]

I did so much fun traveling and attending events in 2024. I took official full ownership of my house, buying out my shitty uncle who I hope dies. I made wonderful improvements to the house and so many more are yet to come (new bathroom very soon!!)

My trips were like. Disney twice. Because the second one was during Halcycon which in itself was insane. I went to Connecticon and TFCon and I think this had to be the best TFCon yet (Orlando might beat it a little bit just bc it was in Florida and was warm).

I went to FUCKING HAWAII for Pokemon Worlds and had the time of my life despite having poison ivy the whole time. I had such a great time I legit keep forgetting about the poison ivy. Stuff like napping on a beach after snorkeling with tropical fish makes you forget about your arms itching. Except I keep getting texts from the pharmacy in Honolulu about refilling the prescription LOLLLL

In 2025 I plan on taking a Disney trip for my birthday!! It's actually ON Memorial Day this time so that means a fun special free day off!! Whoo!! I may be attending Halcycon again so that would mean at least a day in Batuu of course. It depends on how exhausted I feel because I also plan on attending TFCon in Chicago, and Connecticon is so close of course I'll go again.

I adopted my dog Fina, and my new cat Deckerd. Things are in general going pretty well!

I evicted my roommate (legally, tenant) and he moved out today, leaving a ton of shit behind. He was lying about me behind my back to make himself look like a permanent victim. He lied about things I said to him to set extremely reasonable boundaries, and had apparently more than once told people I don't take proper care of my animals (he has never had a pet in his life and has never had to consistently care for an animal on his own). He's been unemployed for a year and thinks he's above jobs like retail. He barely left the house, never spent time with his girlfriend, and never offered any additional help around the house even when I was in physical therapy for severe tendinitis and could barely use my arms. I hope he can grow up a little bit, stop pretending to be an Instagram influencer at age 32, and develop an actual genuine identity outside of thinking he's the only person allowed to cosplay as Spiderman in a purchased costume. Maybe after that I'll be interested in revisiting a friendship with him. Sucks the things you learn about people you've known for a long time. Until then I look forward to his constant bullshit social media posts where he says things like "the holidays can be hard, trust me, I know more than most" and mistreats irl friends for the sake of Instagram likes and views on his twitch streams or his weekly show where he shouts at horror movies.

Anyways. I feel proud of being able to stand up for myself like that even if it's not easy. I'm done being a doormat and being treated like I'm disposable. I'm done bending over backwards to try to maintain friendships with people who are clearly not interested in my company. I'm going to spend time with people who make it clear that they value me for who I am, which is PLENTY of people (and probably most people reading this!!). I'm going to do what I know is right for me and not let anyone dictate how I live my life. They can make their judgments all they want, because I'm secure in my life and identity!

Also. I'm gonna work on my Gunpla backlog. It's a little nuts 😅

Here's to another year of accomplishments! Gonna keep this momentum going! Good luck to everybody!

[i-am-xp-64]

Another of that I made base of people I met in irl

This crusty dusty divot MOTHERFUCKING DEMON LIKE F@G-

I won't even gonna made a name I will tell what she did to me in irl for no damn reason after the story-

Name:kanya/karma (her nickname was karma)

Age: idk (can be 16-15 by now, she were like 14 when I met her)

Gender: a total bitch (ehem female-)

Ok now the story, and keep reading after the story because I'm not afraid to expose what she did that destroyed me for years-

Warning: mention of suicide

Story:

A bitch, by the name calling you probably guess how she were, she used to be lim's best friend at the time when he were adopted by dragon (his missing step dad) and behind lim's death happened, they were met on the playground, she were crying and he were so kind to help, kanya were had a horrible household, her parents were not believing her and her brother were abusive, there was the point where she wanted to commit suicide but luckily lim saved her from it, he always met her there and help her, telling her one day everything will be ok and always gave her spare food and heals her bruises till one day her life became better, her brother left the house and her parents got divorced and now she's living in a good family, lim were happy to help her and keep on helping her, bit something start to felt off, kanya start becoming so odd, she start getting too personal and jealous when lim mentions someone else as a friend, start to ignore and being narcissistic to lim's vents and always blaming herself for everything to get his attention, lim being too young and not so educated enough though maybe it was because of her past until one day lim got into an accident and had to stay in the hospital for weeks, he were almost died on that accident but there were no words from anyone about it, after lim got out from the hospital and met up with kanya, she tolded him that he missed her birthday and that made lim sad, he apologize and explain the situation he was as on, and that mf start arguing with lim, calling him a pick-me, an egoist, a liar, she literally yelled at him and call him names for being in the hospital during her birthday, that broke lim a lot, they were friends for way way long, he saved her life, helped her and this is the thank he gets? No way..after that day they never seen each other again, lim become so indoors and depressed about what happened, keep on blaming himself for helping her and saving her life, and the worst part is he never able to forget about that memory, keep on saying "I wish I let you committed.." Everytime he remembers her words, tbh he's right tho, what an asshole, and you know a worst part, that girl is now knowing where lim currently is and doesn't seem to have any regrets from the past.

That's all

now you might be wondering "but hey, boy, what did that girl did to you in the past that you hate her that much?" Well here's what he did:

WARNING: mention of suicide and life baiting

Almostly same with the story, she we're nicknamed karma, we met and I helped her the most, she were my best friend, save her from suicide multiple times, yet me being an idiot and a human pleaser stuck with her narcissistic ass for 3 years, and one day at the covid times I got my second flu shot and it side effected, I were burning and so dizzy that my parents take me to the hospital even the doctors told me that if I were not make it there, I might die, anyway when I get back home that asshole texted me saying that I forgot her birthday and I apologize for it and explain what happened, like I thought she would care ugh..she called me names and stuff I still cannot forgot, literally make me wanna commit suicide for stopping her from committing suicide, she ruined my life that I didn't get myself together and still are, she were my everything, I saved her life and this is the thanks I get? I wish she were committed, don't even come to me saying "but boy, life baiting is horrible!" I KNOW BUT DUDE! she really were a waste of life...you know how much I wanted to commit after what she did? I also don't like life baiting but this feeling won't leaving me alone!

Important note: don't life bait people, I also don't wanted to but I'm just so angry at her..

Anyway see you on another post,sorry for what you had to hear-

[montybuggershop-hooty]

Wow the end of 2024. It feels so futuristic.

New years is a holiday I enjoy because it’s a great time for reflection.

It’s strange to be here and strange to think about all the people that aren’t. Things are never the same again but they do continue to happen. It can be really lonely and sad but I’m still excited to see what 2025 will be like.

In 2024 I was lucky to get back in touch with someone from my distant past, and I was delighted to be able to see friends irl a few times and met a bunch of new work people. I’m always so grateful that people have patience for me and are willing to tell me about their stuff. (Even when they don’t have patience…)

2024 was also an EXCEPTIONAL year for me in terms of treasure acquisition. And I began work on probably the most engaging and beautiful cartoon I’ve ever had the luck to work on thanks to an amazing coworker who heavily vouched for me. I really truly can’t wait for people to see it.

This was the first year I got to experience co-DMing a DnD campaign I helped write and it was really nerve wracking. When it was finished I proclaimed I would never do it again.. but I will.

Health wise this wasn’t the best year, I got put on and off new medications that all fucked me up and had to settle for one that still gucks me up but to a level I can accept. I don’t feel confident going outside or being in public or travelling but I’m glad I got to! I’m hoping to travel more in 2025! Visit friends abroad and if I can muster it, return to Tsuwano and eat genjimaki. I miss my little home there and I’m often not quite sure why I left to live in a country having a housing crisis, but here I am.

Last year my resolution was to go to more live shows and to not buy any new clothes. I managed to go to at least 15 shows. Unbelievable. I only felt shaky at one and that was a standing situation so I will count it as a vestibular condition success! I didn’t buy any clothes except for Christmas where I needed something a bit dressy, and replacing some jeans that I wore through with powerful legs and one really good T-shirt but it glows in the dark so I think it’s exempt.

This was also the first year I ever published a fan book! It was so much fun to gather everything up and format it into what in my opinion is a pretty cool little book! And receiving the finished thing (after receiving the fucked up version where I fucked up the page order) felt so huge. I loved it and I’m so glad 8 whole people wanted one.

I want 2025 to be the year I buy a house. If I can stay working at the studio I’m at right now I might be able to check the right boxes and make it happen. I have no dream house. I will make anything into a place I want to be.

I also want to be healthier in 2025. I’m losing a bit of weight and hope to come off some medications, but even if stuff stays just as it is right now that’s good enough.

I really want to be more active socially in 2025 too. It always breaks my little heart to see people regularly having fun in these friend groups. This is something I didn’t nurture well in my 20s due to anxiety and other stupid bullshit and then just kind of took as a given, but I’m going to try be more out there. I will have* bought a house so I’ll be able to invite people to visit or eat food or whatever.

* If anyone has any Maneki Neko they want to give me in aid of this I’d appreciate it.

I hope things look up for everyone in 2025. Whether we make it or not we can east some good food and see some cool stuff in the meantime.

Happy new year!

[lastoneout]

just me venting about being disabled and having migraines dwbi

I honestly think the worst part about this whole migraine thing is like, how much shit I genuinely just cannot do anymore. I mean I thought not being able to have gluten was alienating, but this? It's a whole other level.

And like thankfully I do think we're going to be able to solve the problem, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon and physical therapist, it's just taking a while, but in that time I have had to give up just about everything that I had left that I could do. Going outside gives me a migraine because it's hot and sunny so if I have an errand or appointment that is legit the only thing I can do that day. I can't cook anything more complex than like scrambled eggs and even then some days the pain is bad enough that I can't even cut up an apple to eat. I can sit at my desk for like maybe 6 hours before I have to stop, and I'm usually still in pain the entire time, I just ignore it bcs if I legit spent every day in bed I'd lose my mind. And even when I'm in bed I have to be super careful about using my phone or tablet or switch bcs angling my head down instantly makes everything worse. I can at least shower and brush my teeth but like, barely.

Streaming is like the one thing I save my energy for because it makes me happy and pulls in a little money, and even then I keep having to cancel to take care of myself and rest. I want to do collabs and stuff with my friends so bad but I can't because I never know until the day of if I'm actually going to be capable of streaming or not. I've had to cancel streams an hour in because I thought I'd be fine but then the pain hits. I haven't been able to hang out in my friend's streams or be a mod in the ones I'm a mod in because I just can't. I haven't even been talking to anyone bcs I'm so fucking tired that I can barely muster the energy to be social.

I can't do chores because ALL of them involve Looking Down and I can't do that, and my fiance works full time so the house is messy. And he does help take care of me as much as he can but again, he has work and so I do have to take care of myself as much as I can, and there's no one else I know in town who can help take care of me(plus I'm still trying to socially distance bcs I do NOT need covid on top of this and barely anyone I know IRL masks).

And like I don't have any pain meds that help. I have a migraine rescue medication but I can only take it four times in thirty days and I have already taken it like seven times out of desperation, and it only gives me a day of relief, that's it. Ibuprofen helps, but only a little and only if I take like 600mgs and I can't do that every day or I'll get sick and the migraine pain already makes me so nauseous I can't eat sometimes so like, I don't want an ulcer on top of that. And there's no point in going to the ER because even the hardest migraine cocktail (toradol, steroids, benadryl, zofran, and morphine) at most gives me 2 days of peace before the pain is back. Even a steroid taper pack, which usually will break me out of any migraine cycle only took care of it for a week and I am SUPER sensitive to steroids, they make me feel like complete shit, so it's just not worth it to take one.

I could ask to see my neurologist but she sucks and just told me to take ibuprofen the last time I brought this up, and legit suggested I simply see a different doctor about the condition causing the migraines so really what's the point. She won't help me.

I could go to the ER and like beg to see a neurologist if there's one on staff who is willing to talk to me, but that's not really How The ER Works and they've already done CT scans of my neck to see if anything is being pinched and nothing is, and if they give me meds it will only help for a few days at most. Plus I kinda hate it there so like, I don't really want to go anyway. And urgent care straight up will not be able to help me.

And I don't even want to try to explain all that to any of my friends because it's such a major bummer and they can't do anything to help, but I also don't know how many times I can say "sorry I have a migraine that isn't going away and I just can't do most things" because like, it's the truth but like it doesn't feel like a good enough excuse? Idk.

I miss doing things. I'm in so much fucking pain all the time. My fiance's birthday is this month and idk if we're even going to be able to DO anything because of how fucked up I am and that makes me feel horrible.

I just want all of this to stop. But it isn't going to, at least not yet. So I just have to make peace with not being able to do anything for the next like three weeks.

I'm so tired.

[shiftingaround]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Hogwarts University DR

This has been such a long time coming now, but I'm FINALLY sitting down to actually do it!

ABOUT THIS DESIRED REALITY

This DR follows the plot of the books and movies of Harry Potter, however, there are some small changes. Kind of similar to real life, a lot of the prejudice lies with our parents and their parents etc., this does lead to us getting dragged into the mess of the war and Harry still being seen as the 'Chosen One'. But, none of the actual students at Hogwarts hold the same level of prejudice our parents do.

In this DR, witches and wizards are sent to study at special Wizarding and Witchcraft Primary and Secondary schools where they are taught how to read and write, basic maths and English (because where do they actually learn this stuff?) as well as some simple charms, transfiguration and potions etc.

After they finish secondary school and turn 20 years old they are then sent to study at Hogwarts for University before they decide what they would like to do for a job after school, and to learn more about the magic they possess. Depending on what they want to do they can leave school early if they should so choose too.

None of the students die (so Fred is safe, as well as Lavender and anyone else who canonically dies who was a STUDENT at Hogwarts throughout the series). But Remus, Tonks, Sirius or any of the older characters that canonically die, still do die.

ABOUT ME

BACKSTORY: I was born into a pure-blood family, but I am actually a half-blood.

NAME: Lucinda Rosier (the canon Rosier family were scripted out)

AGE (at the time of shifting): 20 years old

DATE OF BIRTH: 26/08/1991

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Slytherin

WAND: Beech wood wand with a Dragon heartstring core 12 1/2" length

My mother fell in love with a Muggle man, and accidentally fell pregnant with me. Before anyone found out she confided in a very close friend of hers named Reagan Rosier and they decided they would marry to protect both her and me. It would also help Reagan, as he's gay, but due to his family desperately wanting an air they are very unaccepting of that side of him. So, they continued as friends, and were wed for convenience.

They never wanted to lie to me about my background or about who my real father was, so as soon as I was old enough to understand why it needed to be kept a secret, and to even understand the concept, they told me. And luckily, from then on, I was able to have a relationship with my biological father Edward.

FAMILY

MOTHER: Merula Fleur Rosier (nee Crowe)

STEP-FATHER: Reagan Aurelius Rosier

BIOLOGICAL FATHER: Edward Redmayne (and it's just Eddie Redmayne. I'm going to be honest, with all these strange names flying around, I found it disturbingly difficult to come up with a normal name... I also just love Eddie Redmayne, so...)

FRIENDS AND S/O

FRIENDS: My closest friends are mostly just members of Slytherin house, so, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott etc.

I did script that everyone gets along quite well regardless of house so I have friends from all houses. I am also quite close with the Weasley twins and the Golden Trio.

And I of course scripted my IRL best friend into this DR as well!

I didn't script Mattheo Riddle in, because if I'm really honest, I don't fully understand who he's meant to be. Nothing about his fanon backstories makes sense to me.

S/O: Draco Malfoy

Hopefully this gives at least a little insight into the mess that is my Hogwarts University DR! I don't think this is super interesting and some of it is probably a little bit cringy, but it might help give people some ideas for their DRs?

I'll most likely do my 9th Member Stray Kids DR next as that is currently my main DR. If my main DR changes though, that will most likely change!

[the-fiction-witch]

Tinker - ing

Media IRL X Faries

Character Thomas Brodie Sangster (Fairy)

Couple Thomas X Reader

Rating Flirty 

Concept Land Of Fairies 

I finished with my assignment for the day so I fixed my little leaf dress and fluttered my wings across the various pockets and places heading to the large tree in the center I headed inside seeing the king stood watching over the magic falls. I was nervous to approach but he and a guard saw me, he suggested I come forward so I took slow steps over 

"Yes?" He asks 

"I'm sorry to disturb, I'm a little late I know" 

"Course, go on" he says handing over a small orange bag with the magic dust I would need for the next week or so 

"Thank you, if I may I'll deliver to a friend of mine too"

"How helpful, alright be careful" he says handing me another I nodded and scurried out of the tree heading home to my little conker house with my little toadstool garden beside the small river I set my bag at home and had myself a good scoop making sure to flutter my gold and purple wings, I knew I'd have to drop it off I always do. So I took the other bag in hand as well as a few other bits I had to take up shutting my house up and heading across town passing many others as I did all of them busy with work or play, I headed deep into the town far from the tree into the mess of twigs and leaves where most where hard at work making Carts, cubbies, and all sorts of tools. I headed thought to the usual little stump house with moss and ivy covering the roof, I fluttered down and in the door seeing the various mess and madness of items inside, nothing where it should be, clothes and pans scattered around haphazardly and right at the back in the light of the triangle window sat the large round bed with a wooden twig headboard. And there he laid, his blue and red wings laid against the bed gently sometimes oddly fluttering in his sleep, his hair a fluffy mess from his toss and turns, his thin body exposed completely if not for the small leaf shorts just about hiding his crotch and little else given they had tugged up in his sleep I set my bag down and went over fixing his messy blonde hair behind his ear 

"Ummmm" he mumbled slightly rubbing his head on my hand 

"Tommy" I cooed softly gently rubbing on his cheek 

"Uuuummmmmmmm" he groans rubbing his face against my hand like a purring cat until his mouth met my hand and he sweetly pressed a kiss to my skin before nuzzling close to the pillow he held tightly

"Tommy" I cooed a little louder rubbing down his shoulder and his bare back which caused him to stir but still he remained in his sleepy state so I sighed getting up going to the kitchen grabbing two of the big pans and fluttering my wings to hover just about his bed before hitting the pans together as hard as I could causing a loud bang which immediately woke him forcing him to sit up and bang his head on the lower pan 

"Owwww!" He complained holding his head

"Good afternoon Thomas" I smiled returning the pans to the kitchen

"Morning" he groans rubbing his head 

"It is not morning you lazy butt" I told him grabbing the bag o got for him earlier and throwing it at him

"Oww! Will you stop"

"Don't want it?"

"I want it, I want it" he complained quickly having some "ummm that's better. What are you doing here anyway?" 

"You need your magic. I had stuff to drop off I can't wait around for you forever Thomas"

"Fair enough." He sighed "are you mad at me?"

"I'm always mad at you" 

"Why? What have I done?" He pouts 

"What haven't you done" I sighed going to try and make his bed but he took my hand and tugged me into the bed with him to sit on his lap

"but I don't want my little cosy autumn fairy to be mad at me" he Cooes rubbing his nose on my own 

"Maybe I wouldn't be my little tinker wasn't still in bed when I finished work" 

"Well now we're both free and able to spend time together"

"That's not an excuse Thomas"

"Yes it is."

"What have you been doing anyway makes you so sleepy?" I asked fluttering over to the kitchen to clean up

"Tinkering" he shrugs 

"No shit. Doing what?" 

"Working on that stupid bloody wheel for the water fairies." He sighed 

"Ohh you poor thing, your arm tried?"

"Yeah I'm - wait. No!"

"Liar."

"I was not up all night wanking over the water fairies" 

"Weren't you?" I asked glaring at him and his bed attire which he glanced briefly down at 

"I was hot-"

"Ummm humm"

"I had a bath"

"Ummmm humm"

"Fine. You happy now?"

"Yes." I smiled returning to tidying and soon enough I felt arms around me holding me close

"I wasn't wanking over the water fairies, why would I when I have my little cosy autumn fairy who comes and gives me cuddles?" He Cooes giving my cheek a kiss 

"Because the water fairies spend all day in the pond with their tits out" 

"Yes they do"

"Not that you noticed?' I glared going to fix his bed pushing him away 

"I was fixing the water wheel kind of hard for me not to notice the pond. And the tits." 

"And you wonder why I'm mad at you"

He quickly came giving me a cuddle again turning me to face him

"Please don't be mad at me y/n. You know I only have eyes for my autumn fairy humm?" He Cooes giving my head lots of kisses "I'll swap out if that'll make you feel better?"

"No it's fine. Just wish you'd wake up before noon"

"I'll try my best I promise. But maybe if I had you here to be my little alarm clock?'

"Maybe" I told him "put some pants on and I'll think about it" 

"Do I have too?"

"Yes."

"Fine" he sighed going to get dressed "water fairies wouldn't make me get dressed" he pouts 

So I sighed and grabbed his pillow throwing it at him hitting his head 

"Owww! Alright alright! Sorry! God damn it you should be a pollen fairy with that fucking aim!" 

"If you are not dressed by the time I finish this bed, I'm not getting in it again for three weeks" 

"Happy now?" He asked fixing his suspender over his shoulder now dressed in his usual pants, shirt And suspenders to keep them up 

"Very happy" I smiled giving his lips a kiss which he happily returned

"Ummm, I love you" he cooed rubbing his nose against my own 

"Love you too Tommy." I smiled "come on, dinner or well breakfast by the river?"

"Sounds perfect," he smiled squeezing my hand 

[pierswife]

@wyrmmak SOOOOOO TRUE well get ready for the Manda Lore Unlock cause this one is a fun story

Okay, let's go all the way back to November 2019. It's my third semester ever of college. I was doing so freakin good at avoiding leaks and spoilers for Sword and Shield (except for official release trailers) and was just SO excited to pick up my preorder after class (it was an 8AM Friday lecture and I sadly couldn't go to the midnight release even though I was invited got a call from gamestop that night and everything). I even requested the day off from work too because I'd be dammed Taco Bell kept me away from my pokemon and it was midterms too so extra excuse to request off (did this with Three Houses too fun fact). This is to set up how this man absolutely blindsided the fuck outta me when I first saw him.

So here I am, absolutely powering through this game having the time of my life playing it because idgaf what people say and idc how much a pokemon game may suck, if I have the ambition I'll finish it in less than a week. Keep in mind, I had no fucking idea who Piers was. And then I get to Spikemuth and I am ABSOLUTELY loving the vibe and the music and I am absolutely jamming out to everything. And then I get to him and he gives his little before battle speech thing and tbh I'm enthralled because I just love the way his dialogue was written and also just found it so cool that he was the still 7th gym leader without being able to dynamax his pokemon and honestly commended the fuck out of it (I'm not a big fan of it myself and only used it when I absolutely had to). I'm also just a sucker for his aesthetic and found myself getting a little crush after finishing his gym. Also his battle music was a fucking banger and I would just constantly listen to it for a few days after. And then we got to the lead up to Rose Tower and I fell harder when he just kinda shows up and basically is 100% down for some anarchy to help the kids stop Rose. And then GOD the post game where it shows that he's just such a good older brother and constantly worried for his sister, but also accidentally adopting the player character and Hop along the way and being the most tired mom friend like ever, icing on top of the cake. And I was cackling when at the end of the post game he gives you his rare trainer card and basically goes "never contact me for something like this ever again" and just LEAVES. Had me giggling like a maniac. So yeah by December that year I was pretty down bad.

Overall I just appreciate how he's a pretty chill and down to earth dude, but 100% is so fucking down for violence (think along the lines of "violence is the question and the answer is yes"). I also just love how like... prickly he seems on the outside before you do kinda get to know his character a little bit more. I've always found characters like that super neat in general! The more I learned about him the more I felt "hey, this would be someone I'd be super comfortable being myself around" and he wouldn't mind my Mentally Ill Moments and would actually sit with me and help me work through them (because my and a lot of people's headcanon is that he's been through some shit himself so he understands). I also have the old fic I wrote forever ago where he helped me repierce my ears (cause irl I was repiercing them in my bathroom lmao) and that was just absolute nail in the coffin I would die for this man. Tbh it's a mix of his mannerisms and how you could fill some stuff in with headcanons (a lot of which a majority of the fandom agreed on) and how I just see him as someone who I could just let my guard down around and relax that made me like him so much.

[toxicnorn]

i didn't really do this for the sake of nostalgia but i was looking through some past blogs and internet IDs of mine

i'm a very different person from who i was when i originally joined tumblr. i approach writing in a very different way. my opinions on a lot of things have changed a lot. i really cannot give two shits about most discourse nowadays that i used to have opinions on.

when it comes to creative work, i had a lot more energy and confidence, but this was a double-edged sword because for a long period of time, i was single-handedly focused on rp as a distraction from some real heavy shit irl and my fandom stuff wasn't necessarily healthy for me. this is something i've struggled with on and off over the years because i tend to latch really hard to fiction and characters when things are bad. i wrote some really good sentences though and some good characters. i keep trying to recreate the same feelings by recycling characters, but they're different each time because nostalgia's a false thing and you can't just make the same thing twice but different and expect it to be the same.

my latest attempts at fic and rp are trying to come from a different source, which i think is healthier in the long run.

i was like super depressed from 2014-2018 and then the election pummeled me into a different funk for two years, which was better in some ways but worse in others. around 2019, i was finally able to move out of my parents' house for some time. it wasn't very far but it did help me clear my head a bit.

then 2020 happened. i moved back in with my parents for a few months and it was kind of awful, but then i moved back and things were actually better on my end for a bit, but i was still very weird and squirrelish.

2021 happened somewhere along those lines and i don't remember most of 2021 because it was a hell year of going to doctor's appointments until the very end of it. i moved across the country in 2022 to be with my gf (hey bb love you very much if you are reading this) and for the first time maybe ever, i feel like i'm in a pretty good place. i know that there is a still a lot of work ahead of me to figure out How to Be A Person 101 and get over my hangups but i'm really happy.

anyway, when your creative output has been based entirely on distracting yourself from blue moods up until now, it's a bit wild trying to readjust your brain to go "hey, actually, it's okay to like things just to like them, you can fuel yourself with other emotions, having characters that live in your head is not cringe or something." i'm having fun though, even if i can't manage the output that i'd like to.

this isn't me gloomyposting btw. i think if anything, it's the opposite because things are pretty okay. i might have issues that creatively frustrate me and i might have flaws i'm trying to work on and of course learning How To Social is always an ongoing effort and we aren't even getting into the ongoing saga of Getting My Bran To Work On Medication (on one hand, it's been great because i have the least amount of anxiety than i have ever had in my life; on the other hand, my brain feels like it's two feet out of reach more days than i'd like it to and i'm really frustrated by the fact that i cannot make the connections between thoughts and actions, like my brain just stutters before comprehending that ii should do very basic actions), but all in all, things are great and i'm excited for the future.

there are a lot of people i've lost track of that vanished off tumblr after 2018. i realized a small handful of people were assholes. some of the people i used to know seem to have fallen off the fact of the internet entirely and i doubt i'll ever learn what happened to them. at least one of my very early internet friends died, klim. i don't really know what happened to most of the people i knew in those days when i was on gaia online but i hope that they're doing well. i was a very different person when i was on that site but i was also 16, so of course i was.

anyway, i talk different now. i communicate differently. my internet voice has changed. i used to use random caps for everything. i don't capitalize shit anymore and you can't make me.

i don't really want to get back into the mindsets of me of years prior, but i do want to be able to tap into that well of creative potential because it seemed like i had so much energy for writing, for talking about writing, for sharing and brainstorming and thinking. i know that i am a person capable of writing a novella in the same of a few weeks so i want to regain that.

but i want to have more fun with it this time. i want it to belong to me and not belong to various plagues and maladies. i think deep down, there is a part of me that misses being nine and thinking i had invented fanfiction and talking about my zelda fic with all my friends without a hint of self-consciousness, but, like, with less 1999 going on because the 90s normalized a lot of shit that's not great.

anyway i don't really know where i'm going with this, so i am going to rotate characters in my mind before i go to bed

[acupofselfcontrol]

Big tw for 3d topics, su1$1de, and s3lf h@rm vent

I don't deserve to be fucking alive today I realized I have dad issues and it was not a good day and I just needed some kind of comfort so I ate a TON and now i'm gonna be all bloated tomorrow, the good news is i'll be out of the house and my parents will be gone so I'm not gonna fucking eat, I want to fast for 20 hours (until 6pm tomorrow) and I want to have under 800cals tomorrow (yes this is a lot but i've been eating a lot so it'll be a good jumpstart) my friend who knows abt my ED is sleeping over on new years and i've most certainly gained even though they're an incredible person I feel like they're gonna get really mad about it (they would literally never) yknow in preteen coming of age movies there's those scene where the main character imagines people laughing at them for smt and it's like every person in the room turns around making fun of them until the main character snaps out of it and back into reality well I always thought that was ridiculous until it started happening to me I think about people knowing that I ate and I get these fucking delusions that are SO loud and guess what I felt so incredibly shitty that I barely exercised I was gonna run 8km but instead I just sprinted for like 10 minutes cause I was out with my mom after/while still being incredibly upset abt dad stuff (that she doesn't know about because literally no one in my family knows abt my mental health struggles even though i've had shitty mental health since I was 6) and I didn't want her to see me bawl my eyes out I was also just angry and in a bad mood and didn't want to be out in the cold so came home and I just needed some kind of comfort so I ate and ate and ate and honestly I wouldn't mind how much it was if I hadn't had these mike and ike things cause after eating a whole bunch I noticed a health warning on the label about high sugar and i haven't really bothered with what i'm eating as long as it's under the limit for the last while but sugar still freaks me out and also i've been eating SO many cals on leftover desserts and stuff from Christmas but they're all basically gone and idc what other people do but for me being a junk0rex1c is the worst feeling in the world so starting the end of tomorrows fast im going back to being something of a health nut (ill ease into it but I know myself and starting tomorrow will help a lot) I want to be empty I want to be pure I want to be underweight again I want to be worth something I promised myself I wouldn't weigh in until january to give myself time to get back into a rhythm but god I feel like my friend is gonna think i'm such a fat lier they're gonna stop caring about me because no irl friend in their right fucking mind should be able to stand me and my mom probably knows smt wrongs with me today cause she kept asking if i'm okay but she ship for my parents to give two fucks about my issues sailed a long time ago and fuck today was not a good day for me to realize how much my dads hurt me even though he's a great father he's still fucked me up and he's not a bad guy cause he doesn't know he's done it but god I hate this I HATE THIS if we have to move again or stay here I might as well just kill myself cause i'm never going home and every three fucking years I get my fucking hopes up and every three years me and them are just hurt more and more and I don't fucking know what to do anymore I want to cut into my bones deeper than I ever have before and get on a bus and go back home but I know I won't get that far cause my parents will call the cops when they see that i'm missing and if I cut now then i'll feel just as shitty tomorrow (a day I have to be cheery) and i'll end up eating yknow today weight loss wasn't a big enough motivator but I think punishment is, my jawline was genuinely starting to look good and i've ruined it and I can't cut so i'll starve and ill starve and ill starve until the only the loveable parts of me are left

[buntismz]

WOAH, you're also level 2??? i'm not professionally diagnosed with a level myself (i was diagnosed at 11 at around 2007, way before levels were established, with autism, pddnos, and "asperger's disorder" at various times), and i believe my level of social and repetitive behavior disability would qualify as level 2 (with my verbal and communicative sharing qualifying potentially for level 3 in an extroverted version because as you can see i literally do not understand what are proper boundaries to share with strangers aside from the obvious stuff like sexual things most of the time, and with everything except for schedules and sensory sensitivities being level 2, with schedules being level 3 and sensory sensitivities being level 1 because 1.) therapy helped me tolerate loud noises better and i don't scream as often as frequently at loud noises anymore, i can tolerate more textures though i still struggle, and i am in fact heavily sensory seeking --- i like touching different types of textures from tables to walls to fuzzy things to goo, and i like listening to music with weird amounts of textures which is why uk bass, hyperpop, glitch pop, glitchcore, and other music like that is VERY sensorily satisfying to our system) but i can't get a re-evaluation for my autism levels specifically because it'd be a burden on my mom's finances. all i know is that because i'm probably level 2 middle support needs, i can't attend in person classes because of my extent of my disability even part time, have to attend classes even with subjects i'm good at part time because more than one assignment at once stresses me out so bad i regress to a level 2.5 or 3 but hyperverbal type state, and i am...not trusted with most household appliances or even food (both because i'll gorge myself on anything tasty and edible, and because i have a tendency to either make a mess at the lightest or almost cause a house fire at the worst)

so yeah! i'm glad someone actually diagnosed level 2 can relate because...it makes me feel like i'm on the right direction with my diagnosis

im not offically diagnosed with level 2 actually my country has no where that uses levels so im not able to be assessed even if i wanted to, im just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.

my level also self assessed but ive had input from my gp, mama (carer) and therapist who agree i fall under level 2 because ive never had any idea how social interactions work, im an extrovert and would talk to strangers the same way i would with friends (tho i never had many in the first place, apparently other kids were scared of me) i make better friends online because irl its so stressful to try be aware of others, i used to be able to mask but i burntout and now im back at having very little awareness of others social cues like body language, facial expressions, tone or even like implied meaning to words idk how that works i never have. even when i masked my autism was extremely obvious but since im (hyper)verbal with a high iq (top 19%) i wasnt noticed as autistic until i was 12 then diagnosed at 16.

i cant go to school either, i can do online schooling okay since its all done in my pace and its subjects i really enjoy (psychology is my special interest and what im studying but i also wanna study biology or medicine, also spIns) i cant clean or cook, i do have chronic illness that stops me but even if i didnt that stuff would be extremely overwhelming, i could cook maybe once every few days and i can make basic stuff like instant noodles n cup snacks. my mama has to pick my clothes out and tie my shoes because idk whats appropriate or not to wear, id wear pyjamas everywhere and change clothes like once a week if i wasnt told to.