#most autistic way of appearing neurotypical

[cin-cant-donate-blood]

I was just gonna mumble something in the tags but I actually have Thoughts on this so here goes.

I don't care for LLM chatbots. No matter how impressive people keep insisting they are, I have always found them to be disappointing (perhaps because I am asking the wrong questions, but I don't think asking it to write a Shakespearian sonnet or remind me of a word I've forgotten based on a definition are very weird prompts, and it fucking sucks at both of those).

I do use them to gauge them, though. I am curious about what kinds of responses other people who are actively using them are getting.

One time I asked it what autistic people are like, just to see what it might be telling neurotypicals that people like me are like. It rattled off a number of broadly accurate things, but in the middle of everything it slipped in something to the effect that autistic people are not very good with art.

When I asked it about this, it immediately backed down and said I had misunderstood it, but it does bother me that it may well say something like that to someone else who knows less about autism.

These bots are known to be good at replicating human biases, so there is no doubt in my kind that it was, at the end of the day, replicating an already existing stereotype.

I think the stereotype that autistic people are on some level not well suited to make art (or even uninterested in it) is in turn by a mythical quality that I think of as "anti-intelligence", which is something distinct from stupidity.

The theory of anti-intelligence goes like this: there exists a human trait called intelligence or logicalness, which makes you Good With Math. If you do not have this trait, however, then fret not! The more Logical (capitalisation is tongue-in-cheek) you are, the less of something else you have, because Logic is the Yang to Intuition's Yin.

Intuition, or Anti-Intelligence, is a purported trait that makes you Good With People and also Artsy. Intuitive People might never be able to grasp math (and honestly, they should as well just give up on it, if you're too artsy you're never gonna be good at that stuff anyway), but they understand things Logical people in turn could never understand, like Love and Drinking Coffee With Your Friends (so illogical!)

The most snide interpretation of this that I as a stereotypically Logical person could make (my love of art and rhetoric are just aberrations, by the way: I shouldn't be wasting my time on them) is that this is all just people who are Bad With Math coping.

The stereotype also plays into pseudoscience about the hemispheres of the brain, and I think a lot of people who identify as Intuitive or Logical may do so with terminology like "left-brained" and "right-brained".

I think the trope of a Logical character not understanding social interaction is in part simply derived from the observation that Autistic people are often Logical and also struggle to understand and be understood by neurotypicals, but at this point it's become a self-sustaining cultural image that informs how a lot of Not Very Logical people think Logical people are.

I find all of this very frustrating because I don't think art or social rituals are illogical at all: they just appear to be if you are personally navigating them with gut feeling without analysing them further. A bit of gut feeling might well be necessary to do things quickly and smoothly enough (that is my main personal struggle with autism: not that I do not understand social situations but that I understand them too slowly, and my gut instinct often makes oversights that I notice a minute after I make them), but that conversation is completelt lost in a culture where Hanging Out With Friends is treated as Magic Beyond the Understanding of Those Dorky Scientists.

fish-out-of-water character in science fiction to whom humanity is deeply alien, but who does not continually get themselves into awkward social situations because they looked up Human Ettiquette For Dummies, they learned about basic human social dynamics including how humans bond socially, and it is immediately obvious to them after five second of introspection how a highly social tool-using species like humans would benefit from spending a lot of time building social ties

[zorubark]

Autistic person with lots of charisma and almost seems allistic but sometimes does something pretty autistic like rant, info dump or stim and then you discover that person only seems neurotypical because they copy their blorbos from the internet all the time and got their charisma from them

[vadlings]

Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

[medstudentinfandom]

Autistic Alastor thoughts! AKA this man is one of the most autistic men to ever autism, and my sources are like half projection. But! I also have many thoughts/justifications/headcanons that I wanna share. So here they are.

Alastor learned to mask from an incredibly young age. He was a mixed child growing up in the south in the early 1900s, I think he would have recognized VERY early on that he ought to not do anything that would draw more intention than necessary

Went into radio because that was the most socially acceptable way for him to have a career that fully centered around him talking uninterrupted about his special interests.

Had a bit of trouble while alive in finding the line of when dark humor went a bit too far. His jokes about the stock market crash were well received and seen as a lovely little reprieve from the terrifying reality. Making offhand comments about who the "New Orleans Butcher" should target next didn't land quite as well.

His refusal to adapt to modern times relates a lot to his autism. He's already learned everything he can about radio, went through the trouble of learning the powers he was granted in Hell, why would he waste his time learning about all this newfangled technology? All of his old tech works perfectly fine, thank you.

Personally I've pretty much settled in the fact that he is physically incapable of dropping his smile. BUT something something hypermasking to the point the desire to appear "normal" by neurotypical standards loops back around to being creepy and off putting to all nt's in the room.

I think he experienced that somewhat while alive (overcompensating for his lack of eye contact by staring at people HARD, etc.) and tried to adjust that. But in Hell? Full uncanny valley, he does not care, he will be strange and off putting and he will ENJOY IT

Going back to Alastor's refusal to adapt, his hatred for change also means he DESPISES how much Vox has changed. He liked Vox, he was comfortable with Vox, there was literally nothing wrong with the way Vox was. And then he went and changed his body and demeanor and he was supposed to want to stick around him (he does keep his old head to comfort himself)

Not really a big stimmer. Except that he bites. He bites so so much in the least sexy way imaginable. In any given moment if you pull off his gloves, he's got puncture wounds in various stages of rapid healing because the moment he needs to self regulate, he is chomping down.

I also feel the need to mention that I think it would be funny if, while they were close, Alastor consistently used Vox's arm as his own personal chew toy. Something about the silicone faux skin he uses just feels great to bite into, what can he say? This has unfortunately also resulted in Vox having a Pavlovian response of just holding his arm up anytime someone close to him gets clearly agitated.

Sensory issues, a plethora of sensory issues! Absolutely despises the feeling of wet fur, whether it's getting wet while it's still on him or he's cleaning it out of the drain. He has genuinely considered tearing all his fur out from the root to avoid it. Also, I despise his fuckass bob, but I like to tell myself the reason he cuts it Like That in the back is to avoid hair brushing against the back of his neck. That would make him Violent.

Noise is a tricky one. For the most part, he loves a loud, music filled and bustling club and doesn't mind it at all. But I think if he is already feeling overstimulated, someone talking a little too loud is enough to set him off.

Very touch averse, with specific exceptions. If he's the one initiating the contact, and especially if he's already tipsy? All good, that's fine. But if someone else is approaching HIM, especially when he isn't expecting it? Like 80% of the time he will not tolerate at all, and even when he will it is for a very limited amount of time.

And of course, should anyone ever approach and ask him if he's autistic? Well, he doesn't really know at all what you're talking about! His behaviors? Goodness, what's so strange about his behaviors, YOU'RE probably the weird one actually.

Perhaps I will add on to this if more thoughts come to me. Till then thanks for reading lol

[visgrapplinghooks]

a very long fucking rant about neurodivergence, the internet, controversy, and conflict

I've done my best to try to make references to specific dramas and situations as vague as possible, since I really don't want to stir shit with the fucking losers who care way more about which total stranger to me abused another total stranger to me than I do. If you're the kind of person who cares strongly about creating villains and victim narratives, this post probably isn't for you.

The internet is kinda bad for neurodivergent people, particularly people with innate social communication dysfunctions (autistic people). I've been noticing this for a while, but every other internet controversy I observe seems to have neurodivergence in some way involved. Typically, some kind of longstanding mental illness, very frequently autism spectrum disorder as well. Three streamers I know of that have all had controversies where they get grossly misunderstood or misrepresented by others and dogpiled by internet communities, all three of them diagnosed autistic. A situation regarding one autistic YouTuber crossing the boundaries of another autistic content creator due to what appears from the outside to me as a failure of communication. Another who kinda defined the term "lolcow", well… I don't think I need to go too much into that. There was that thing with another autistic creator ages ago posting sexually explicit messages in their Discord server where minors were present. I would argue almost all of these controversies mentioned are in some way related to being neurodivergent and their engagement with the internet.

A lot of the people I'm referencing are Old Guard online or have been online for a long time. Being streamers also kinda necessitates you immerse yourself in online culture quite heavily. Humans, to develop adequate social response mechanisms for human and serious things and communicate them appropriately, typically need regular socialization. For neurodivergent people, this is often not an option. The real world sucks.

The problem with autism in particular, and this has been noted by autism groups irl, is that there really is no such thing as an "obvious" cue. Depending on how severe the social cognition impairment is, you may not learn any social responses at all for your entire early adult life and need them explicitly stated to you. In dangerous cases, your grip on reality can get so broken that you don't know what is and isn't acceptable. There's a genuine and real problem of autistic people (men in particular) failing to learn appropriate sexual boundaries. There's also a problem of autistic people not learning how to advocate when they're uncomfortable due to childhood experiences. This is very obviously going to lead to some pretty fucking bad situations, especially between two autistic people.

To neurodivergent people as a whole, this is also a thing of "your social environment dictates what behavior you think is normal". And if your "normal" is environments like YouTube comments, Reddit, internet forums, Tumblr, then what you think is acceptable is completely insane to the average person. And while this can function well-enough for most things, this often fails to be adequate socialization for things like human friendships and sexual situations. This, again, is likely to lead to problems. On top of that, there is a tendency for the internet to be… rather ableist. Online mobs tend to be very obsessively hypercritical of neurodivergent people in particular (often autistic people), because they give off "bad vibes" to them or otherwise come off as abrasive. The problem with this is that the average human is ableist as fuck. It's been demonstrated that most allistic people can clock autistic people as "weird" within moments of meeting or interacting with them. The same goes for neurotypicals and most neurodivergent people. This tends to then frame large swathes of the internet's perceptions of people's behavior and lead to generally higher rates of scrutiny for neurodivergent people online, again, leading to the generation of controversy.

Essentially, the first premise I'm outlining here is the internet is a bit of a controversy and boundary-crossing factory, and the prime subjects of this are overwhelmingly going to be neurodivergent people. Particularly those with some kind of social communication problem. In fact, you also see this with some creators with ADHD (especially streamers) impulsively saying shit on stream and that getting clipped and used against them. The second premise is the nature of "culpability" and "blame". One of the biggest issues with controversies online is that they're very focused on the act of blaming someone or the framing of a person as a bad actor. This becomes especially dicey when a lot of controversies are about interpersonal interactions and relationships that you would never have heard of or cared about if not for the internet. Very rarely are there interactions (between adults, at least) where one party is a unilaterally bad actor.

Putting the proneness of blame together with the issues of boundaries and social communication, you're more likely to end up with oversimplified framing of very nuanced and complex social interactions. My reading of the aforementioned situation with the two autistic content creators for example, for example, even when it was initially a hot topic, is that, "this reads like an autistic person who has no idea what boundaries are". Upon learning that the other party was also autistic, it also made a lot of sense as to why they didn't just tell them to stop or explicitly state their discomfort with it, either. Autistic people can often be bad at setting boundaries for themselves. That's not an excuse for one's behavior, but I think it's a meaningful analysis.

Escaping the specifics of that particular situation and discussing things as a whole… who exactly is to blame in situations like this? I think, in a lot of ways, the desire to jump to blaming people or villainizing them leads to more harm than good. This is especially in cases where they respond very poorly to online backlash and criticism. Most human beings would probably become mentally ill after being an online public figure. If you have something that already predisposes you to bad stress reactions, this kind of thing could be devastating for your personal life.

It's long been my stance that 90% of the things that online influencers get held under super high scrutiny for would not stick nearly as hard to actual celebrities. I think due to the "intimate" nature of internet parasociality, online figures are just easier targets than real celebrities, most of the time. That being said, this does not mean individuals involved in these controversies are wholly innocent or blameless. I'm sure in every controversy imaginable, someone could have communicated better, explained themselves better, worked harder to recognize boundaries, etc. My take here is that in most cases, the fixation on complete fucking strangers placing blame on people and being super emotionally and parasocially invested in these controversies just worsens them and in many cases may cause or exacerbate them.

I don't want to equivocate violating sexual boundaries and sexual harassment with saying cringe online discourse shit. They're not equally bad. However, I do think there are common interpersonal and particularly online structural mechanisms that operate and enact during such controversies.

This also applies to neurotypical people, in general, as normalized social environments create some bad behaviors and tendencies. However, I do think neurodivergent - and specifically autistic people - are disproportionately likely to be impacted by it.

To wrap up this rant, I'll close with something vague about myself. I've been in some online communities I probably shouldn't have been. I've been on Discord since I was a young adolescent. Before that, I was a forum lurker and even poster. I have done things and said things to others I shouldn't have. I also know that I am autistic and grew up on the internet. It took me until this year to realize how much that even impacted me as an individual online and in person. Humans, particularly neurodivergent humans, are kind of just bundles of neuroses that clash with other bundles of neuroses and will often seriously hurt each other during those clashes. I'm certain other ND adults, other neurodivergent adults in here included, would probably have the worst and weirdest shit about their histories brought up and scrutinized if they were to become a public figure online. It'd be absolute hell. And gods forbid it hasn't crossed boundaries into something that seriously harms others, but sometimes that happens, too. I don't think that failing to develop and then tripping over yourself so hard that you won't be able to get up should be the defining experience of every neurodivergent person online.

Addendum: it's just idk dude I have no idea what I don't know maybe I'm doing cringe unacceptable shit right now and nobody's told me yet but people will still blame me for not just magically Knowing that I shouldn't be doing it because it's "obvious" and then some piece of shit will make some fucking bluesky or X thread about it in 5 years and then other lowlifes will doxx me why do we just accept that the internet works this way?

[i-used-to-be-a-spy]

New Autistic Michael Westen Master Post

A) Special Interest

Michael's fixation on being a spy and getting his job back is def in special interest territory bc he values it A LOT. In the books, it's mentioned he blew stuff up just for fun as a kid to experiment and to get attention from his parents so spy shenanigans has always been an interest of his

B) Justice is something Michael feels very strongly about. He doesn't hesitate to help the little guy or families or anybody else who needs his help even tho he'll complain when it isnt convenient (which reminds me of Entrapta, a canon autistic character on a show, who gets annoyed when interrupted from her special interest inventing). Even when injured, he'll still help people. Michael wants to feel like he's a part of good in the world, helping right wrongs

C) Michael and relationships

He struggles maintaining deep relationships and doesn't always understand what people want from him. This is partly due to him struggling with processing his own emotions like for example his desire to be with Fi versus his desire to not see her harmed by being close to him.

He has a lot of miscommunications with his family over the years (not necessarily all his fault) and he doesn't know how to bridge the gap at first. Like how Maddie was mad at him for not reaching out on her bday but turns out he was in a hospital and it simply didn't occur to him to explain that

A great example of Michael not realizing how much he means to his friends is when he so readily believes they have abandoned him when Larry made it seem like they had to manipulate him.

D) Not understanding social norms and social queues or hierarchy

This is part of his problem up above but it deserves it's own section. A great example is when Sam asks for advice about marrying the love of his life and Michael says yes and then no and is just exasperated by what Sam wants from him

Michael simply doesn't give a shit about social hierarchies and will go straight through them to get shit done like when he talks back to the frickin head of the CIA in season 7

E) Most likely as a survival tactic growing up in an abusive household, Michael's ability to Mask and appear neurotypical while Undercover is a great example. He knows the human mind well and his friends are always shocked by how he's able to read strangers well but not his close friends and family. Michael is able to imitate people he's around well at least for the job

F) Repetitive behaviors & Sensory issues

Michael has at least two safe foods: yogurt and tuna tahini. We also know he likes spicy foods that have been mentioned throughout the show so he's likely a sensory seeking autistic.

He also really liked a deep pressure massage he got during a cover cause the bad guy had paid for the hour. Many autistics respond well to deep pressure even when they don't like light touch (Michael often seems touch averse outside of Fiona) which part of that is from being a spy but I think it's not liking unexpected touch (I myself like people to ask first then I like touch!)

There is another reason Michael may always wear sunglasses: autistics are more likely to have light sensitive eyes so the sun could be painful for him. He also has his fav particular glasses he wears which is part of his routine

G) Personality

Michael has a pretty stoic personality. He doesn't tend to have huge macro facial expressions when not undercover. It's the smaller smiles or tightening muscles around his eyes or a single raised eyebrow or throwing his head back that says how he's feeling. He also tends to not laugh loudly or out loud except for rare occasions. His humor is dry and sarcastic like many autistics

H) Demisexual

I do see Michael as existing on the asexual spectrum. He describes his attraction to Fi and also how he's never felt that way with anyone else in both the show and books. Demisexuals experience sexual attraction after forming a bond with people and I think that describes Michael well. He literally has hot women flirting with him all the time, especially villains, and he doesn't bat an eye or get tempted bc he's simply not into them.

And even tho he is attracted to Fi, he isn't always immediately as into sex as she always is like when she jumps his bones when he comes home from missions in season 5 look at his face as he tries to convince her to stop. Altho he gets into it eventually 😉

Many autistics are ace altho not every autistic is!

I) overwhelmed episodes

Michael tends to not process his emotions until something really big happens that pushes him over the edge like when he considers shooting himself after Victor is killed bc solving his burn notice seems impossible or when he finally has to process that Fi is gone

J) Smarts

Many autistics are gifted in a specific area and I do think Michael's tactical mind comes from his autism

Have a photo of Michael's smile after Sam compliments his brains :)

The End

Thanks for reading 😁

[lej222]

Hi!! I'm a big fan of your blog and I want to ask if you can share more scenes of Jisu displaying autistic behaviour? After reading your analysis about him I felt like I finally understood his character!😃

Hello! Thank you so much for your question, and of course I can! First, I want to mention that if Jisu is truly on the spectrum, Soonkki has done a spectacular job with his character. I don't know if she has someone close to her with ASD or she has done an excellent research, either way Jisu feels like a realistic person and it's something really hard to achieve, not just narratively but visually as well.

Episode 124 is the best example of Jisu being neurodivergent. Let's take a closer look:

Poor Jisu was not simply angry, he was livid. Not only he suffered an almost concussion because of Cheol, he was also humiliated in front of the whole school after being bullied his whole life. So Jisu's anger was justified, but it was still a big contrast to his usual calm behaviour. He was so furious he didn't even realize bumping into that post. To understand his actions, I have to talk about children with autism spectrum disorder.

If you've ever met a child with ASD, you probably know that they are different from their peers. It's NOT a bad thing, but it can easily make them feel like outsiders and a target of bullying. Autistic children have a hard time understanding and managing their emotions. In most cases, the child appears to be happy, sad, indifferent or angry. It doesn't mean they are not capable of experiencing other emotions or feeling empathy. For educators and parents it's important to teach them how to express more complicated and complex emotions and how to deal with negative feelings in other ways than getting angry.

Here, what we can see is Jisu not being able to regulate his emotions, almost like an outburst. Outbursts can happen when an individidual on the spectrum is overwhelmed with intense, often negative emotions. In this case, frustration and anger. Jisu loses his temper to the point he's not even aware of his surroundings. Even to the characters of the story, his actions are unusual.

This is my absolute favourite scene of Jisu displaying neurodivergent behaviour. Miae is asking him a question about his feelings, more specifically what he thinks of her. As I said before, most autistic people have a really hard time understanding and expressing their emotions. It's the same with recognizing and understanding the emotions of others - known as cognitive empathy. However, affective empathy for individuals with ASD is similar to neurotypical people, or might be even stronger - the ability to feel the emotions of others. So they might see that someone is sad not understanding why, but still feel the other person's pain.

Here, however, Jisu needs cognitive empathy - he needs to understand why Miae is asking him this question and decide how he feels. And my boy is simply malfunctioning and freezes on the spot, he even double checks the question with a confused expression.

Like in many other scenes, Jisu avoids eye contact when he has to react emotionally. He starts fidgeting, not knowing what to do with his hands and doesn't give a coherent response. Putting a neurodivergent person on the spot like this can make them feel very uncomfortable because they might need a moment to manage their thoughts and feelings.

It's not enough time for Jisu to form an answer or to really sort out his emotions, so he runs away saying he needs time to think about it. He even rubs his head, visibly contemplating about it. And we know some chapters later he indeed gives an answer - that it looks good. Jisu was not joking that he needed a moment, he thought about it and decided to share his opinion, which is btw super difficult for someone like him, that's why he again freezes up after his answer😃

I hope that in the future Miae will realize that Jisu means no harm and tries to understand him🙂 episode 148 shows us she's on the right track. Also, every individual with ASD is different so obviously I cannot generalize Jisu's actions, but at this point I think we have enough clues to suspect he's neurodivergent just like how Miae likely has ADHD.

Edit: if we look at the childhood interactions of Miae and Jisu, the difference between how they interact with others is very different. Miae was hyperactive, always running around and wanting to play while Jisu preferred being alone and didn't enjoy the games Miae and his peers played. You can see how he always walked the same way, with his hands on the straps of his backpack which could be a nice detail for repetitive behavior.

For anyone interested, I will put some good infographics here that sum up some of the differences between Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD.

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Ever since I saw that you like zhongtham... the idea has been living rent free on my head, thanks for build this roman empire in my brain lmao so...... TELL ME MORE, what are your thoughts on their relationship? how the people around them react to their relationship??

(of course, only if you want to, I hope you have a nice day!!)

oh god

ultimately i think what they both need is understanding? in the sense that- both have very specific experiences in their day-to-day lives that aren't exactly the common shared experience between most other people. zhongli is a fucking eons-long being and alhaitham is not neurotypical. like he's autistic, idk how else we want to put it, that's what he is. zhongli, meanwhile, by virtue of not being a human and not having a strictly human way of processing the world, cannot be autistic since- again, not human. but this does make him autistic-coded, if that makes any sense. my man despises slimy foods on the basis of the texture (yes, this comes from trauma, but what bothers him is still the texture. that's coding). he's not human so he has different sensory experiences, probably more acute than humans. he's been described as a blockhead. he seems like he'd have a very specific routine he follows. he's very exacting on his field of expertise. the whole 'haha no mora no wallet' situation comes from the fact that his brain is still logically thinking he can just make mora (which, given everything, is a perfectly valid thing to still be hung up on), and so he forgets his money because his mind insists the way of the world is that he can just make it - but he can't anymore, and for an arbitrary reason, too. he's the literal god of contracts: what are contracts if not a parameter of very logical pre-established rules you have to follow? and he doesn't bend on those contracts, because he's of the mindset that if you made them in the first place, you knew what you were getting into, so what's the problem. all combined, and added with the fact that he's not human, and you cannot call him neurotypical. because he just does not function to match human standards of what 'neurotypical' even is.

so like- we don't know that they've met in canon, but we have decent reason to believe it's a very real possibility. the same way you could say gaming and ganyu have probably either met or seen each other at least once despite neither ever mentioning the other or appearing together on screen, because- well, he handles a delivery agency, she works for the qixing, they live in the same city, they're both familiar with cloud retainer, ganyu moves around a lot and knows a lot of people, and gaming seems pretty social. you get what i mean, right? in that same sense, i think it's perfectly possible for alhaitham and zhongli to have met at some point. granted nowhere near as probable as two people actually living in the same city, but notable enough nonetheless: alhaitham knows twenty languages, for that quota to exist i have to assume that each nation has at least their own unique language (since they all seem to speak the same thing in-game, tho, i can only translate that as all nations having their unique writing script- which they do). idk how many languages you could pull out of regional dialects in teyvat, but the most logical and easiest and obvious thing to do here if you were told to go learn 20 languages to graduate is to first go for the main most spoken languages and then fill in the gaps w regional dialects or more obscure no-longer-spoken ancient dialects. so we stand to reason alhaitham must know liyuean (?) right? and unless he learned it from within the confines of sumeru (which is possible tbf), then he must've traveled to liyue in order to learn the damn language. with liyue having quite the decently-preserved history, he might've picked other regional dialects up since they'd be easier to study next to like- idk, an obscure old language from mondstadt or smth. so if you're a student in liyue on a quest for knowledge trying to learn the language and possibly other obscure dialects, who are you going to go after? fellow scholars. what do all fucking scholars in liyue do when people have highly-specific needs and questions? point to fucking zhongli. so you get where the idea comes from. you can't tell me its completely implausible (for a headcanon) for zhongli and alhaitham to have met at some point, not the same way i'd raise eyebrows at like- headcanoning candace and zhongli having met based solely on in-game info. or- ei and sigewinne. y'know?

so like- alhaitham needs to learn liyuean (+ maybe other regional dialects bc 20 sounds like quite a lot for 7 nations, 8 if you count khaenri'ah), he goes to liyue, he gets to learning and then runs into the roadblock of not many scholars being familiar enough with ancient dialects for him to become fluent in them from their input alone, so the scholars are like 'yeah dw we know a guy, he's super knowledgable' and so they point him to zhongli, zhongli is like 'yea sure i can teach you, what do you need?'. idk how long it'd take alhaitham to learn liyuean (+ whatever else), but i'd assume he'd bunker down in liyue for most of that time. so let's say like- 6 months, and it counts as like a 'foreign languages' course where haravatat students get given money and are shipped off to learn (bear in mind 6 months sounds like stupid little to become fluent in an entire language let alone possibly a few others, but we'll just assume alhaitham is a prodigy (he seems to be) + since it's not a whole language and just a script, then it can be done).

so he stays in liyue for a while. i'd guess learning from zhongli most of that while. they're two guys who like peace and quiet and reading and investigating and they're both rather knowledgable (the gap is obviously abyssmal but still). you can imagine them just- going to a tea house and sitting down with tea for hours on end in amiable silence and quiet grammar exercises. i cannot see them not getting along. alhaitham is practical and so is zhongli, zhongli has a lot to say but it's always with purpose and informative and for a reason, and alhaitham is just happy to absorb knowledge. alhaitham is effective and to the point and zhongli (a battle general) would probably be perfectly happy rolling with it and being effective and to the point in turn. maybe they start having lunch together some days (zhongli does seem to do that with acquaintances a lot so it's not strange of him) and alhaitham just doesn't want any stewy soups and zhongli doesn't question it bc he's the one asking chef mao to dice and slice his fish into oblivion. sumeru is big on spices so alhaitham would probably have no problems whatsoever w the jueyun chilli. he'd also probably pick up on using chopsticks easily enough bc he's a perfectionist. zhongli would realise like two seconds into their introductions that alhaitham can hear him perfectly loud and clear w the headgear on and never bother commenting on it at all. alhaitham would also probably clock zhongli's more acute senses two seconds in and be relieved he doesn't have to raise his voice around people for no reason all the time. catch the patrons at the tea houses being confused and mildly unsettled by the two guys on the corner table just mumbling stuff to the other with a pile of books between them lmao

i cannot see their relationship being like- exciting in the sense that big shocking things happen. i just think they're both too smart and good at communicating w each other that shit like that just wouldn't catch them off guard. alhaitham would probably hear about legends of the adepti throughout his stay in liyue and quietly figure mr zhongli might be an adeptus but never bother saying anything because why should he care about what mr zhongli is? it's not his business, and it doesn't make him not-mr zhongli. so it's whatever. i also don't think any drama would pop up 🤷‍♂️ again they're too smart and hypercompetent for any misunderstandings to appear. by virtue of both of them being non-neurotypical they'd also understand each other in particular ways, so they'd easily be able to figure out any stuff and sand off any rough edges. it wouldn't be an exciting ship, it wouldn't be a ship full of ups and downs and drama and twists and turns and spice and oh the romance of it all. they both strike me as ace af and if not aro then absolutely somewhere in the spectrum, alhaitham more than zhongli.

but i'm an absolute sucker for non-verbal comunication and quiet understanding and an almost telepathic camraderie that would be so funny from the outside so i just think they'd be a delight. like the perfect team. they get each other, they're both smart, they're both strong (again, the gap is abyssmal). absolute academic weapons the both of them. catch someone being an ass about a contract and zhongli just staring disappointed and alhaitham next to him equally disappointed but listing off every single reason why they're being stupid about it also. zhongli's a bit too nice to say any of that stuff aloud but you can't tell me he wasn't running a constant 'chat are you seeing this shit?' in his head during his first story quest w kliment. alhaitham knows he's already got the 'freak' reputation so he just goes 'well if you want to keep digging i'm happy to hand you a shovel'.

as for other characters' reactions to them- i'd have to sit and think about them? idk how the liyue gang would react bc idk how they'd work in a canon setting? i can't see zhongli leaving liyue and i can't see alhaitham leaving sumeru either. if i had to pick one, alhaitham seems more likely for like- leave sumeru for plot reasons. and then go 'okay fuck this' and go to zhongli like 'you're the only bitch i respect in this house'. but outside of plot contrivances, hu tao does send zhongli off on random errands? so maybe he could pop up in sumeru from time to time. idk how the liyue gang would get to meet alhaitham then but if there is one character that absolutely gets to meet zhongli is kaveh bc the man is almost everywhere alhaitham is + they literally live together.

i think it would be fucking hilarious. like alhaitham: oh yeah a friend is coming over btw. don't be weird about it kaveh: why would i be weird about it what are you on kaveh: ... kaveh: ... kaveh: a what alhaitham: a friend kaveh: what alhaitham: i don't think the bimarstan is open at this hour if you got something in your ear kaveh: what friend kaveh: you don't have friends kaveh: ...you can just say nilou alhaitham: ??? zhongli: hello kaveh: who- what. what- who are you alhaitham: a friend from liyue. the one i said was coming over. like five minutes ago kaveh: what zhongli: is he alright alhaitham: he's never been alright, dw about him. the study is this way

[canenotabeltofunction]

Autism as NCIS and Bones Characters

Autism can present in a lot of different ways and I’m using characters that I headcanon as autistic to show how differently autism can present in different people.

Dr Temperance Brennan: The Cold Hearted Sweetheart

Brennan is a woman who is extremely intelligent but often comes off as rude and cold hearted but it is shown throughout the show that she is anything but- she just struggles to show her emotions and understand other people in a way that others understand.

She-

Struggles to understand social cues and rules despite being an anthropologist and often says things that are insensitive and upset other people without meaning to

Struggled to make friends throughout school due to her morbid and odd interests and difficulty socializing

Very strong sense of justice and often has trouble understanding why certain things are the way they are when she believes things are unjust

Usually sticks to a rigid routine, she wants things done a certain way in a certain order and operates heavily on logic to make things go “correctly”

But she is still very capable of living on her own and does have a successful career but struggles in the “real world” to connect with people outside of her circle who don’t understand her demeanor. She is one of the characters that is more obviously autistic and may be viewed as the “good type” of autistic in media by neurotypical people.

Dr Zach Addy- The Robot

Zach is another character from Bones, he is Dr Brennan’s first intern and is considered to be extremely intelligent but struggles severely with social interaction. He often frustrates Hodgins due to his inability to show interest in other people’s interests and Zach’s self inflated demeanor.

He, unlike Dr Brennan cannot make decisions that are not based on logic and proof. He becomes almost paralyzed when his routine of proof and testing is interrupted and he is asked to guess

He is sent back from Iraq due to not being able to integrate and is even told to consider why the only place he fits in is at the Jeffersonian

He comes off as very arrogant and rude due to his very blunt manner of viewing the world and does not understand how the way he presents himself upsets other people.

He is eventually manipulated by a serial killing cannibal due to his black and white logical thinking

Zach also struggles with living in the real world and would be considered to have higher support needs. He lived with Hodgins and chose not to learn to drive. Zach is often what people think of when they think of an autistic person.

Daisy Wick: The Socially Unaware Barbie

Daisy is one of the characters that I strongly believe is autistic but is often overlooked when talking about autism on the show due to the fact she is different from Zach and Dr Brennan. Daisy struggles with social rules but does not usually offend as much as she makes people uncomfortable. She often says and does things that people find weird or annoying but she seems mostly unaware of these things.

Regularly makes people uncomfortable on the show with her overly friendly demeanor, often asking personal questions and overstepping boundaries.

Usually ends up making things worse because she may try to apologize but goes about it incorrectly and irritates those around her.

There are many times in the show where she attempts to mimic Dr Brennan or “mask” in order to appear more put together and act in the way she feels she is “supposed to”

Struggles to pick up on jokes or sarcasm, often not understanding that she has offended someone by pointing out their mistake or boasting about her own success

I think that Daisy is a great example of how autism can present specifically in women. People claim they would never bully an autistic person but autistic people like Daisy are often targeted for being cringy or weird.

Abby Scuito: The Teddybear

As an autistic woman I relate to Abby the most out of all of these characters. She is considered eccentric and weird and often shows her emotions in odd and even juvenile ways. She has very strong emotions and opinions and seems to struggle with relationships outside of NCIS headquarters.

She-

Often shows her emotions and feelings in a way that appears more “juvenile”, not seeming to understand the different subtleties of workplace behavior vs friendly behavior. Usually choosing to hug or be “overly friendly” with her friends/coworkers

Seems to not be able to read between the lines or connect the dots like with the episode where the murderer using McGees book tries to kill her and she doesn’t connect that the characters are related to her and her friends

Struggles to interact with people outside the workplace. She rambles and talks about things that other people find weird or uninteresting

Struggles to function without things being the way she needs them to be (Her normal clothes, her music, her CafPow, and being alone) any time one of these is interrupted she loses balance.

Doesn’t fully understand other people’s emotions off the bat and may need to be told multiple times or be shown very clearly what they want from her.

I feel like Abby shows the struggles that more “juvenile” autistic people face. When we have more childish special interests or show affection or friendship in ways that are closer to kids. Despite her adult interests she still is treated a lot like a child despite being an adult. Neurotypical often see these types of autistic people and feel the need to talk down to them even though they can be and often are very intelligent like Abby, just not socially.

Ellie Bishop: The Low Profile

This one may be controversial but I headcanon Bishop as autistic. She struggles learning to work as a team and often goes against Gibbs rules and the rules of the team because she feels things would work better. She also is very good with patterns.

Very good with patterns and statistics, often resorting to them when she becomes stressed or overwhelmed

Follows a routine when thinking (sitting on the floor, eating, connecting food items to thoughts)

Goes against the rules on many occasions and seems to struggle working as a team which imo is part of why she leaked the documents and got herself fired

Her personality could be described as being almost naive, seemingly unaware of the dangers of the world despite working for the NSA

She also seems to struggle a lot with who she is as a person, trying to understand her place in the world.

Once again I think some of my headcanoning her as autistic went a little against what the writers ended up doing with her but I feel like in the first seasons she was there she showed traits of a low support needs autistic woman that would probably usually be overlooked and just labeled as a “reclusive data freak” as one of her coworkers called her. The type that makes people go “but you don’t seem autistic.”

There are definitely more I can add but yeah- ta da

[stardustcleaningguy]

ok im back to rant abt more saverem twins autism things :P

in my last post (which if you havent seen, was me reblogging @dragons1re ‘s post about the plant powers as a metaphor for autism/autistic traits) i didnt really go into much detail about knives because i was a little too focussed in the fact there is another autistic vash truther out there .. but im gonna talk abt knives now.

like i said before i dont necessarily think that knives has enough control over his outbursts to really be completely proud of them, but also when you are the person known for having regular outbursts and are considered ‘dangerous’ or ‘weird’ by neurotypical society, it begins to become a part of how you view yourself as a person (or at least thats how it was for me as a kid - a lot of my autism hcs are based directly off my own experiences). i mean this in the way that once you have that impression established of you - that you are strange and offputting and scary - its very hard to overcome the perception of others and seem ‘normal’ and so you just kinda give up, and accept your role.

this is how knives’ behaviour appears to me, from an early age people have this perception that hes hard to deal with and has big outbursts of emotion which he struggles to control - and even when he DOES learn more ways to control it, he still refuses to mask because hes continuing to play into the general perception of him by neurotypical (aka human) society. he lets his emotions control him because he doesnt see any point in masking - i mean what would it change if he did try and act normal? the humans already know hes a dangerous monster freak right? i was only able to change from this mindset because my environment and the people around me changed but because of the magnitude of knives’ actions hes unable to do this - until the very end when he finds humans that dont just see him as a dangerous creature but an actual person who just wants safety for him and his brother (but then he gets appled so …)

also im not really saying that knives thinks of himself as a monster, he just knows that humans have that impression of him and instead of trying way too hard to appear normal like vash, he leans more into the role of ‘weird dangerous monster’. hes super scared of humans (the same way an autistic person may become fearful of neutotypical society because of the way they have been treated within it) so thats another reason why he has this whole im super dangerous and evil thing going on even though he spends most of his time napping. top 10 people comitted to the bit

idk this rant MIGHT have gotten a little too tangent-y and i MIGHT be projecting onto knives just a teensy little bit but it was fun to write so wuteva !!!!!!!! (also all of this is specifically discussing trigun maximum - i luuuuv maximum)

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

is it common for school to be traumatic for autistic people? i don't really feel like i should even think of it as anything traumatic because others have had it way worse, but it still bothers me to this day...

is it possible for you to maybe do a post about this one time? 🤍

Hi there,

I’m not sure if these will help, but I tried to do some research. Here’s a few articles I found. The first on talks about primary and secondary education.

The primary years

Picture this – on the first day of school for your autistic child; there is noise, chaos, new routines, and expectations. Teachers say, “Sit still, look at me, do not fidget,” asks a lot of them. If a child is stimming (rocking or making a sound), which is a coping mechanism, they are often told to be quiet. No wonder they struggle. Even if accommodations are made in the classroom, autistic children must navigate other aspects. Situations like navigating the playground and homework, when they go home. Sensory overwhelm. Altogether this can be exhausting. Add to that Autistic making, and BOOM! The perfect storm of trauma, stress and anxiety.

The secondary years

Trauma often peaks for neurodiverse and autistic students in secondary education settings, and school refusal can become a huge issue. Most schools are still heavily geared towards the neurotypical, and neurodivergent and autistic students are primarily taught to fit into the school mold rather than forge their own path. This is mainly guided by the school rules, curriculum, and an outdated education system.

Source

Here’s another article I found talking about trauma in school:

When teachers know a student has experienced trauma, they’re better prepared to support the student’s educational and emotional needs. But often, students won’t say anything. So how can teachers know if students don’t tell them?

The first step is to take note of any change in behavior, since it could be a signal that something is going on. A normally outgoing student may become more reserved. A student who is typically organized may suddenly be missing assignments.

Keep in mind that if the trauma happened or started in previous years, teachers might see these behavioral issues within the first few weeks of school. Students whose severe or ongoing trauma goes unnoticed may even have a reputation for having behavior issues. 

Potential signs of trauma:

Overreactions to everyday challenges

Negative outbursts or aggression

Frequent stomachaches or headaches

Appearing very sad

Inappropriate social interactions

Trouble with executive functions like focus, organization, and self-regulation

Falling behind with classwork

Many of these behaviors could also be caused by other issues. Students might have a medical condition, anxiety, or learning and thinking differences. I hope this helps. Most information was for teachers. So it was hard to find.

 I hope this helps. Most information was for teachers. So it was hard to find. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[max-nico]

Sonic World Building Headcanons

For the soul

Any fic of mine that you read uses all or almost all of these Headcanons btw

Covering your hands and feet is the equivalent of covering yourself for decency. It's taboo to talk about what someone's hands look like if you've seen them before

Fingerless gloves give the same vibe as micro skirts and sheer tops with nothing underneath

All (or at least most) Mobians/anthropomorphic animals start off showing a lot more animalistic traits. For example, young children might sniff each other in greeting or get territorial over their bedroom or house

Children who go to school get taught to use their "grown up instincts" and essentially get trained to be "normal"

There are Mobians who are outliers of course, Knuckles for example grew up secluded on a floating island. Over the years he's learned how to fit in better with the general populace but he still comes off as very naive, or not mentally developed (I probably should just say what autistic look like to neurotypicals huh)

Shadow would be an even more extreme example since he's literally an alien

Because of this, kids aren't allowed to move up a grade if they're smart enough to test out, like Tails. If they did that, they would miss crucial developmental skills specifically targeted toward their instincts

Different types of Mobians need different types of diets. For example, spider Mobians can't have mint period. Whether artificial or real. Unless they had been fed little bits of mint at a young age to build up the immunity by the time they reach adulthood

In the comforts of their own home most Mobians fall back on their animalistic traits. Like cat types purring in the sunlight or bird types preening their feathers

It's rude to refer to people as their species. Not like, super offensive, just rude. (Ex. Shadow refers to Sonic as "hedgehog")

Most Mobians aren't one type of animal, most are mixed between two or more. For example, someone mixed with a jackal and a raccoon. Which one they get referred to depends first on appearance, so sometimes children don't get classified until three or four. If they truly look like a 50/50 split between the two species then they get DNA testing done and are referred to as whichever one is higher

The village Tails comes from is a small village completely comprised of Mobians from the canidae family, small villages being completely one animal family is regular, but cities being this way is unheard-of

Sonic is a famous hero and does have a heavily filled bank account. Not because he asked of course, but because of public outrage when he off handedly mentioned he doesn't get paid for saving the world

Off topic, but Tails manages the bank account because he uses the most of the money. Inventions aren't cheap. Any bills they have are on auto pay so they don't worry about them.

Most Mobians are left handed

Okay, I don't really like humans in the Sonic world. If I had my way the Robotniks would be robins, Maria would be a mixture of hedgehog and bird in a way that's off putting to Mobians but we would think looks cool, that being said she'd be classified as a hedgehog

Anyway, this is not the case and humans do exist. In my head there're three different planets, one with humans, one with Mobians, and one with humans + Mobians

That being said, I think space travel isn't a super regular thing for Mobians to do but it's not unheard of. It's probably just super expensive if anything

Aliens are still fucking crazy to them tho

Some companies/governments (like GUN) span across two or more planets

There's generally a lot of animosity between Mobians and humans but in like a modern day racism (specism??) way and it is not the Mobians fault

Money also works differently Mobians (don't ask me how it works tho I got no fucking clue man), and a lot of the time Mobians just exchange favors for favors

Character Headcanons pertaining to world building

Reiterating: Sonic is famous and gets money transferred to his(read Tails') bank account. Tails village is full of dingos, foxes, jackals, wolves, coyotes, even some dogs.

Most of Sonic's friends are pretty loaded tbh. Obviously team rose, team dark, and team Sonic make the most money, but you know.. details

Very few things tip people off to Shadow being an alien. Like yeah he has canines but he might just be mixed species? He's right handed but some people just are so that's normal. Yeah he might hiss in public but you don't know his life. Maybe he can't control it.

I headcanon Amy as a hedgehog/echidna mix, but she simply looks more like a hedgehog in the face and body, but her quills are what really give her mixed heritage away (I am projecting)

Depending on which continuity you're looking at, Sonic was taught to control his instincts either from an orphanage, his uncle, his mom, or some secret 4 thing I'm forgetting.

He doesn't teach Tails about the whole instincts thing, but Tails has always been in a rush to grow up. He's smart and observant, he's the king of repressing them instead of learning at a slow and more natural pace that won't hurt him in the long run

Cream and Amy are the most socially competent by a longshot. Rouge could be if she, first of all, didn't spend so much time with Shadow and Omega, and also didn't find it funny to act like she does.

Okay, that's it for now. If I think of more I'll reblog the post with another headcanon, otherwise please add your own. I love headcanons, please let me add them to my arsenal. You're welcome to message me or go to my asks box as well as long as your nicest to me <3

I'm eventually going to do a post detailing what I think social media is like in the Sonic world.

If you have any headcanons put them in the tags, reply, or my ask box ! Any character you want me to focus on ? Message me, or hit my ask box ! Suggestions are always welcome .

[youareinlovetv]

“The Archer” by Taylor Swift describes the autistic experience perfectly. here’s why.

i know it’s not meant to be about autism, but its themes correlate really well with what people like me go through.

Combat, I’m ready for combat

I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

the “combat” in this case usually refers to the mental battles we have to go through, against other people and against ourselves. bullying, hatred, ableism, as well as trying to mask, hide every trait of ourselves from people, to appear as normal as possible.

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

when you’re autistic, it’s extremely hard to not only make friendships, but maintain them. people can drop you for many reasons, like when it seems like you’re “distant” or “rude” or “blunt”. often times, when this happens time and time again, we just give up because we’re tired of being treated this way. so we ride alone, by ourselves, with no one else.

I never grew up, it’s getting so old

we can often seem childish for not be able to take care of ourselves as well as others, or even just our mannerisms (stimming, tics, etc) and it gets old because we get older. we’re put to the expectations of other neurotypicals our age, but we can never reach them.

Help me hold onto you

this lyric comes up a lot in the song, and i think it represents desperately trying to find SOMEONE who will accept you. trying to find anyone. because you KNOW you can’t go through this alone, but you can’t find anyone.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

in this case, we’ve been the prey our whole lives because of what i mentioned earlier. being the archer could either be taking out our anger and pain onto others, or taking it out on ourselves, making us both the archer and the prey at the same time.

Who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay?

when we have friends, it always seems like it’s going fine (at least from my experience). you never see the signs of them being rude to you because you can’t notice them. the “who could stay” part comes after you find out about these signs that should’ve been “obvious” to you. so you ask, who could stay? who could be my friend? who could support me? because it seems like no one will.

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I’m all right, right, right, right here?

when we’ve been hurt so many times, we try to look for ways people are hurting us, trying to protect ourselves. a lot of the time, those ways aren’t even there, but we believe they are. when people demonize you for your autistic traits, you start to doubt yourself and wonder if you were the one who was being cruel, and that your dark side was there all along, but everyone else’s wasn’t.

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

And I hate my reflection for years and years

self hatred spreads. in this case, it starts out with hating how you act. hating that you’re autistic. but it spreads to other things, like your appearance. not only because you just generally hate yourself, but because a lot of the time we think if we look good, that could make up for our “faults”.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

our struggles most of the time are invisible to others. even when we’re in distress, no one really knows the root of the distress. we’re masking the pain away, or we’re going into another room so they don’t know we’re crying, or we’re deflecting and playing down our struggles when we are seen in distress.

And all of my heroes die all alone

when the average person is asked to think about an autistic person, usually what they think of is not people who have made an impact or have done great things, but the stereotypes we have. the stereotype of that train obsessed white boy who’s super smart or a kid who is “stupid” because of “how they move” or something like that. and so when an autistic person thinks of this, we’re often projecting this onto ourselves in the sense that we think we won’t make it in the world because of this.

They see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through, can you see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through me

I see right through me

I see right through me

this is the most relatable and impactful line in the song to me. the fact that even though we’re trying desperately to keep the mask on and look “normal”, we know it’s not working.

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men

Couldn’t put me together again

other people try to help us, but often give subpar advice like “just stop crying!” and “just don’t be overwhelmed!” when that doesn’t work. so we can’t be put back together again when we break down and aren’t able to be consoled.

Cause all of my enemies started out friends

this is self-explanatory. we try to make friends with everyone, but we’re seen as “off putting” or “wrong”. and they become our enemies.

in short, this is why this song is incredibly accurate and close to me as a person. it’s one of my favorite songs of all time. and i hope this helps at least one neurodivergent person out there. that’s all <3

[faithhopeloveandtherapy]

Have you ever wondered if you may be autistic? The whole pre-planning and anxiety and mental checklist surrounding meeting someone could definitely be a sign? I am and I get it too.

Yes I suspect I do meet a lot of the criteria for diagnosis, both looking back at my childhood and present. But I have zero interest in trying to get a diagnosis. The way I am doesn’t impact my daily life in a big way. I know the way my thought patterns go and I use that insight to give myself a more balanced view. I know the things that drain me and I either avoid them or I balance them out with down time. There’s a whole load of social situations that I’ve learnt strategies to manage. I guess in day to day life, most people only see the outside of me and for short periods of time, and I think I appear neurotypical. Maybe I am! Who knows!

I know for some people it makes a big difference to get a diagnosis, but for me, I just think, oh these are the ways my brain works and these are the things I do to help myself when I come up against difficult situations, and these are the ways in which the way my brain works are pretty brilliant and helpful, and that’s all just who I am.

[elacular-kink]

Poly-Techhic character sheet

For readers' reference, here's some descriptions and basic info about the main four characters of Poly-Techhic. (This may be edited later on).

Edit: This character sheet's formatting is completely borked. Go to this one instead, it's actually readable.

Susanna Jane Butler

Also called Susan and Susie

Appearance:

4'10" (147 cm)

Very average weight and build

Tan skin

Chinese

Adopted by American Catholics.

Short, straight black hair

Bangs can fall over eyes.

Wears baggy clothes

Almost always has on a baggy hoodie with the hood up.

Neurotypical (I think?)

(The author isn't, so...)

Extremely gay

Sophomore (AKA, 2nd year)

Loves and is studying music

Plays multiple instruments

Piano

Guitar

Sings well

Learned how to sing in kids choir in her church.

Is way less cool than she looks or acts

Is cooler than she thinks she is.

Is great at telling people off

Is terrible at telling people good things.

Has a hiccup fetish.

Has been like this as long as she can remember.

Has extremely big emotions and anxiety about it.

She's not able to get off without it.

Olivia Elizabeth Jones

Appearance

5'9" (175 cm)

Skinny

Isn't skinny on purpose, just naturally doesn't develop much fat.

Annoyed when people conflate thinness with health.

Very dark skin

Black (African American)

Nearly buzzed black hair

4C texture

Uses reading glasses

Keeps them around her neck on a chain for practicality

Everyone else says it makes her look like an old lady.

Wears very practical clothes.

All fabrics must be soft and/or smooth.

Clothes are generally tight. She dislikes having clothes that hang loose.

Doesn't care about how butch or femme it is.

Autistic

Very blunted affect

Sincerely emotes only for huge feelings.

Still feels things when not emoting, just doesn't move her face much about it.

Hates social niceties

Is overly honest with people

Aromantic

Does not feel or have a great understanding of romantic attraction.

Can still identify it in others

Bisexual with a female lean.

Considers Susanna her life partner, but does not consider her a girlfriend.

"See, this is why I explain it with 'it's complicated', Olivia."

Does consider Maya a girlfriend

"It means something different to her, and I can do that."

Sophomore (AKA, 2nd year)

Gets the hiccups all the time.

Doesn't generally mind them.

Has been shunned or punished for them in the past.

Thinks this is stupid.

This is part of why Susanna has been her best friend.

Almost nothing cures them.

No apparent medical reason, she's just very hiccupy.

Kind of a troll

People don't expect it from her since she seems so serious.

Primary victims are Susanna and Maya.

Extremely emotionally perceptive

Maya Heffernan

Appearance

5'4" (163 cm)

Feels taller because of her personality.

Also just often wears cleats

Both very muscular and very chubby

Built like a professional weightlifter.

Is capable of lifting weights like a professional weightlifter.

Is basically a physical freak with absurd strength, speed, and endurance.

Exercises constantly.

White

Ridiculously pale (Irish ancestry)

Covered in orange and brown freckles

Massive mane of curly red hair

Sheds red hairs everywhere.

Wears glasses

Including when playing rugby

Has prescription sports goggles

Hates getting things in her eyes=no contacts.

Almost always wears her rugby uniform.

She's number 7, the openside flanker

So she gets to tackle people!

A lot!

Dresses very butch outside of it.

ADHD

Takes adderall occasionally when she needs to focus

Does not like how she feels on it.

Solo-poly

Wants to avoid becoming overly dependent on someone or having them become dependent on her.

Still enjoys having romantic and sexual relationships with many people.

Keeps most relationships at arm's length.

Only forms closer relationships with other people with big poly energy.

Has gaydar, but for polyamorous tendencies.

Pansexual

Not all pansexuals are sluts. But she is.

Fucks lots of women, men, and other types of people.

("But where are the men?" They're offscreen somewhere, shut up.)

Junior (AKA, 3rd year.)

Gives people nicknames

Whether they want them or not.

Will relent if they genuinely hate them.

Eventually...

Susanna=Susie

Olivia=Liv

Kiran=Kiki

Chaos agent

Loves to disrupt people's lives.

Often for the better, sometimes for the worse, almost always for both.

Genuinely thinks this is fun and wants others to have fun too.

Actively trolls people

Frequently goes too far.

Extremely easily bored.

Will cause problems when bored.

If there's nobody to cause problems for, will cause problems for herself.

Really fucking stupid.

Under no illusions about this.

Has always struggled with academia

Has no common sense

Has no impulse control

Is still alive because she's impossible to kill

Kiran Mandal

Appearance

6'1" (185 cm)

Very fat

Deep brown skin

Indian American

One parent is first generation, one parent is second.

Long black hair.

Wants to do interesting things with it, is too nervous to try.

Always wears a dress or a skirt.

Has yet to figure out what her fashion sense is, has been fairly conservative thus far.

Autistic

Terrified of eye contact

Often makes it anyway due to masking.

Always tries to "win" eye contact.

Has a lot of difficulty socializing

Has very little experience doing so, which doesn't help.

Particularly with people her own age.

Extremely socially anxious and shy.

Stims and makes repetitive movements

Used to make a lot of sounds with her mouth, had that mostly trained out of her.

Has never been able to stop flapping when anxious or happy.

Is extremely embarrassed by this.

Sees it as a personal failing.

Trans

MtF

Is on hormones

Has not been on them long.

Not very secure in her womanhood

Is rarely accidentally misgendered.

If someone misgendered her on purpose, the other three would kill them.

Uncertain sexuality

Definitely likes girls.

Definitely really really really really really likes girls.

Freshman (1st year)

Really academically smart

Brilliant at the vast majority of what would be considered "nerd shit".

Particularly likes computer programming.

(Forgive me for my trans woman stereotype.)

Has studied under professional tutors all her life.

Speaks English and Hindi fluently, is proficient in Spanish

Currently being tutored and learning Mandarin.

(please don't expect me to know anything about any of these languages, German is super close to English and I'm still not learning jack shit).

Has very little "street smarts"

Very limited practical knowledge of the world.

Family is stupid rich

Probably some tech sector shit.

Dad may be an insufferable tech bro.

She has access to a shitload of money.

She has no idea what money is actually worth, but is self-aware about that.

Has been insulated from a lot of normal people's experiences because of that

[shiftingxloser]

｡･:*˚:✧｡Ｓｉｌｅｎｔ Ｈｉｌｌ： Ｄｏｗｎｐｏｕｒ Ｓｃｒｉｐｔ✧.*

"You did it! You killed the Boogeyman!"

"Doesn't Matter, it didn't bring you back. Nothing can bring you back."

ᵂᵉˡᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ˢⁱˡᵉⁿᵗ ᴴⁱˡˡ

(CW?: mentions child murder, child abuse, and horror)

𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝙳𝚁 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍:

Silent Hill Downpour contains many places and monsters that I would like to introduce so that you understand the story and DR in general.

• Fog World

-The town Silent Hill is always covered in a thick fog or mist, causing strange things to occur such as unknown creatures appearing and losing your sense of direction. The thick fog and strange occurrences is what makes it the "fog world". You'll be able to find every type of common creature you have encountered along the mysteries of Silent Hill in the fog world.

• Devil's Pitstop

-Devil's Pitstop is a basic diner with barstools, and booths along the walls of it. There is an old Jukebox in the back of the diner and behind the counter is a door to the kitchen with a few grills.

Devil's Pit

-Devil's Pit was a popular tourist attraction to visitors of Silent Hill, there were multiple activities to do with the family including sky-tram rides or the train ride down into the mines which was the most popular rides for the children that would visit. That was until a tragedy happened on one of the train rides, an operator had derailed the train and caused the deaths of 8 children.

The Otherworld

-The otherworld is a counterpart of the Fogworld that I mentioned earlier. The otherworld is filled with a prison-like setting with machinery due to Murphy's time in Prison. Water is a prominent thing in the otherworld, water actually triggers the otherworld to unveil due to Murphy's trauma with water.

St. Maria's Monastery/Institute

-St Maria's is a place of worship but also an overnight school for children to learn and play, most of the children there were neurotypical or autistic. There is also an Institute in the Monastery which was in charge of "curing" the children with autism by conducting abusive and harmful treatments that lead to serious injuries or even death to the children.

𝙸𝚗𝚏𝚘 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚎:

I am a biological woman who looks androgynous in this DR who is married to Murphy Pendleton. I am 24 years old and had a kid with Murphy, a son named Charlie (All of these things are important to the story trust trust).

𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢:

Me and Murphy Pendleton are married and have a child named Charlie Pendleton, but one day Charlie was kidnapped and drowned by me and Murphy's neighbor Patrick Napier. Patrick was soon convicted as guilty for kidnapping and killing Charlie and was put in Ryall State Prison.

(Murphy and Charlie is in the left photo while Patrick is in the right)

Me and Murphy grow devastated after Charlie's death so me and him steal a cop car so that we could be put in the same prison Patrick is in so that we can get revenge on Patrick. Since the prison is a men's only prison, I have to bribe a corrupted cop into allowing me to get and stay inside of the prison with Murphy. Due to my androgynous looks it is convincing that I am a "man" and I make sure I can't get hurt in prison so that I don't have to go to the infirmary and get exposed that I'm actually a woman. As time goes on Murphy and I make a deal with another corrupt corrections officer in order to get revenge on Patrick without getting caught so that me and Murphy can still look good for probation. Soon the corrupt officer who is named George Sewell finds the correct time to lead Patrick into the showers with me and Murphy so that we can get our revenge on Patrick which we finally do by killing him in the showers. Of course I clean up me and Murphy's crime because me and him are married partners in crime.

(The left picture is Murphy getting ready to attack Patrick and the right picture is of George)

A few days later me and Murphy are getting transferred to Wayside which is a maximum Security Penitentiary by bus but as we were heading to Wayside the bus driver gets distracted and crashes the bus into silent Hill. Me and Murphy soon wake up from the crash and we started to explore Silent Hill stuck in our prison outfits but we soon find extra outfits so that we don't look like escapees even though we are.

(The left picture is Murphy in his Prison uniform (which is what I wear as well) the middle one is Murphy's new clothes, and the third one is my new clothes.)

The only way for me and Murphy to get out of Silent Hill is to realize that it wasn't our fault that Charlie is dead and how killing Patrick didn't help us and just made us as low as him by going through the town as it tortures us with monsters, memories and horrid secrets of the world around us.

That's all I got for my first script I'm posting on here. if you have any suggestions that I should make please tell me! And good luck shifting to you all!