#more vulnerable now that my emotions are also connected to another person again

[celeryw]

help i think i just tagged three posts back to back for my boyfriend what on earth is happening to me

[pht-art]

Eloise Bridgerton : my thoughts

I don't know how to feel now that I've watched Bridgerton because at first I was so happy to have finally found a character that I relate to and thatseems like me, but I see a lot of people hating her and never liked her since season 1. They doesn't like her because she seems to be rude and selfish and only cares about her well-being and is arrogant but I absolutely don't find her like that and I still adore her. So now I feel like if people find me, they just wouldn't like me. 😂

Here's my thought about Eloise :

I'm sure deep down Eloise wants a relationship with someone, like a real connection, a soul connection. She sees the true picture of society and doesn't want a relationship based on lies, the hypocrisy, the arrangement and forced meetings. She is bored and does not feel in harmony with this society.

With Theo, she wasn't bored, he was a great positivity for her and she felt accepted by him for who she was and not for who she wasn't, when he told her all those bad things, she was hurt because she's not like that.

Lady Whistledown harmed something that made Eloise feel good outside of Penelope and her family. She needed something that would change her from her daily life, that would make her feel alive and Lady Whisltedown took that away from her, insulted and humiliated her.

Of course, when she found out it was Pen, she felt deeply betrayed and hurt. What she did to her really hurt her deeply, she was lost, betrayed.

What Eloise did with Cressida was because she wanted to hurt Pen, she got to know Cressida and realized her situation, she tried to help her but the moment she saw that her brother could have been even more hurt than herself, when she understood that Colin loved Pen to the point of asking her to marry him, she focused on what was most important to her, her family, but she also felt betrayed by Colin, everyone lied to her.

I remind you that she is the only one who went to those who are not like everyone else, Theo, Cressida, which shows that she cares about everyone but no matter who you are, her family will always comes first. She didn't said anything to colin about Pen not because she is selfish but because as she said " I was too brokenhearted to speak of it". In fact it's the fisrt time she is that honest and show her vulnerability. You can see it on Colin's face.

The fact that she is the only one crying during Polin's wedding is a proof of her loyalty and her deep love for the few people she lets enter her heart. She was happy for her friends and her brother after all, she is loyal and a very deep person but her anger and sadness took over and she listened to Kate's advice indeed.

Maybe, and I INSIST ON maybe, she would like to experience that too. When she says "and one's again I am left with the fact that everyone eventually pairs off" I see it more as "why everyone else and not me", it's subtle.

When she says "Just tears from losing another friend to marriage or maybe it was dust", that's HER HUMOR, she is happy for them, she stays true to herself , she may not want to show even the slightest hint of her thoughts.

Benedict told her "Love is not finite Eloise, the friendship you have with Penelope is a lucky thing, as is the one you have with Colin," Benedict is the one who knows her best. She limits her love to what she already knows and the unusual scares her.

I have the impression that Eloise acts like this not because she hates love but because she refuses to love and I think that's because of her father's death and the betrayals she had. She don't want to lose control over her emotions and she is selective (it's not being selfish). She doesn't want to suffer.

Eloise is VERY witty but behind this mask, she is REALLY reserved, very sensitive and does not like to show her emotions and feelings, ( that's why she is disgusted when she sees couple showing love to each other) which is why she uses sarcasm, black humor, ironic phrases and humor at any time.

When they start talking about her feelings, Eloise looks away and changes the subject, always talking about Gregory, so we can no longer focus on her.

Benedict understands her very well, that's why he talked to her during the wedding reception. She is absolutely not childlish, it's her personality and it's her strong shell to not show she feels lonely.

I am so much looking forward to her season just to see how she would be and how it will turn out and to know if I was right. 🙃

It’s quite funny because after Eloise my favorite character is Benedict. The character which I identified the most with has the same favorite as me.…

[antigonick]

just stumbled into one of your snippets and i'm OBSESSED with your writing style. it is so fluid and punchy and such a delight to read. if you ever feel like answering, how does your writing process works? what are your inspirations, style and tone-wise? and what themes do you enjoy exploring the most?

have a lovely day! 💌

Oh, that's... WELL. That's! The best compliment you could have sent me, thank you so much, I don't know what to say.. I'm actually trying to write a... I'm gonna call it a novel when it's just a mess of fragments right now, but—yeah. Fluid and punchy is exactly what I strive to achieve with the character's voice so this is so nice to hear. WHATEVER. THANK YOU.

Anyway! My writing process is really... steeped in rhythm, I guess? It starts with character writing, which leads me to character voice, which leads me to finding the right "mind" tempo, and from it cascades the headspace I need to write. In that, in the idea of perspective and voice influencing the story first, I'm indebted to Faulkner, to Marlon James, to Woolf's The Waves, to Shirley Jackson—to the perspectivism twists of horror and gothic writing as a general rule. Rereading her, I think Emily Brontë has shaped my metaphorical network very early on, and my handling of violence, especially in dialogue—though more recently, Tamsyn Muir made me tick about dialogue too. Malin Rydén is one of my utmost inspirations, not a little because the main character of my story was first created for his story, but also because he was my gateway into harder, grittier speculative fiction and digital literature, which both inspire me now for the story I'm trying to shape—horror out of the gothic castle and into the terrible anticipation of what comes next, with more politics, with ghosts and body horror twisted to technology. In terms of pure form, I'm extremely impacted by poetry—E. E. Cummings, Alice Oswald, Emily Dickinson—those who deconstruct syntax to wrangle it into breath. He didn't influence me because I discovered him too late, but I feel a kinship to some of the early stylistic experimentations of Frank Bidart too. Hanif Abdurraqib, whose first name I gave to one of my main characters too because his voice is incredible: it moves. Charles Olson's Projective Verse gestures at what I feel when I write, you know? "ONE PERCEPTION MUST IMMEDIATELY AND DIRECTLY LEAD TO A FURTHER PERCEPTION (…). Always one perception must must must MOVE, INSTANTER, ON ANOTHER! (…)" and then "Breath allows all the speech-force of language back in." Even silence can be your story-weapon.

I'm interested in... blowing apart labels, dichotomies, I think, making them harder to grapple with—right and wrong, love and hate, personal and universal; transgressions, fluidity; how language fails, how language betrays; the way human connection can both fuck you and raise you up, in its constant failure and constant trying, in the violence of intimacy, in the tension between hardness and vulnerability—more than anything, I'm interested in the way individual desires clash with collective needs or personal ideals, in the lies and justifications you can find for yourself, in what it means for you when you come to dismantle them (or refuse to). I love palimpsest, stories retold again and again, and/or I love difficult, ugly settings, speculative and dystopia topics, I want the story to be political in itself, even when it's not politicking; and I LOVE mindfucks: using our terribly faulty, terribly subjective perception / perspective / memory / dreams / FEARS / intellect to tell a story that is both fascinating because it's unique, and trapped by it. Can't escape yourself. What are you gonna do with yourself (against yourself, for yourself) now?

Formally, I try to use that in writing: trapping the reader in one voice that swallows them really, ideally that jostles them a little, that blurs the boundary between them and the character: extreme immersion. I like to try and convey emotion / impression and even action as it is experienced, rather than explaining it clearly. In that phenomenology has influenced me, I guess? Deleuze, Guattari, Merleau-Ponty, and poetry again, I guess. Archibald McLeish says "a poem should not mean / but be...", and that's what I try to do with the character I choose, and then I let them be, and they drive both the story and the writing that should echo it—form and content cycling each other like mirrors.

Goddamnit, that got so long. Anyway. THANK YOU for being interested, I'm really touched.

[minthe-lover]

Chapter 231 analysis

So you know I went back cause I was curious... persephone only has two actually spoken lines in this whole chapter. One way when she said yes, and the other was her telling hades to continue talking after Demeter was basically begging hades to stop.

In a chapter that supposed to be about hades and persephone mutual love, persephone has two lines.. 6 words. One is when she's crying clearly scared of her mother, the is saying yes to basically what she may see as the only way to get out of the situation.

Well then lets actually talk about hades whole speech, line by line because I hate myself.

So first off, yeah no this is just shitty story telling. Just because persephone is vaguely blessed by her magic womb powers doesn't mean she is actually a good queen. hey rs maybe actually like.. fucking show us this shit?? like show us persephone actually ruling and helping people.. just do anything to prove and back up this statement.. stop telling us this shit and start showing us.

Plus like.. hades just going up to persephone and saying "your fit to rule and I'm not going to let anyone question that" is just boring... there is so little actual reassurance. plus.. hey.. people are allowed to question their leaders, given this line I'm worried for how they'll treat nymphs who aren't like 100% okay with persephone as queen.

The next part is just more hades being a creep, like yes we get it hades. You saw persephone once and started to get a hard-on, it doesn't actually speak to anything about persephone besides that she's attractive. This is a common theme through the whole speech.

The main points in which hades brings up is how like, persephone is beautiful and make him happy. Again it starts with how him staring at her through a window made him horny.

Another thing is just in this whole thing.. hades is just very dismissive of the serious situations and trauma that persephone had to go through. This next line is about how 'by chance' persephone was drugged and put into his car... that was a serious and incredibly vulnerable situation and all that he has to mention about it.. wasn't how she handled it, or even something smaller and more personal like persephone connection to Cerberus.

it's just how hey you where at my house and where just like nice to me. Also the whole reoccurring this of like hades accepting that 'that's enough' just.. doesn't track. Yeah he was avoiding persephone cause he was in a relationship with another person! and you still immediately offered to have sex with her and went as far as emotionally cheating on minthe!

So like.. town meeting? that makes no sense from what we've seen before, but hey despite them being rulers we see basically jackshit in relation to the goverment and how it works. Again there is just more and more about how like hades like to admire persephone.. nothing about her actual beauty or anything to do with their actual relationship.

It's just weird phrasing.. why doesn't he say "but now I get it be with you every day" why is there such a focus on him just.. seeing persephone. Nothing to do with their emotions or personal connection, it's just so distant and bland. Also like, there is just so much focus on the connection to hades. It's not we can rule together, it's that persephone is now hades queen.. it's not about to their life together.. it's about how persephone has effected hades life.

This next part again is focused on solely on hades, through this whole speech he only really mentions her feels and needs at the beginnning.. when comforting about her being queen. This stuff about his life and how much of a sad boi he is while persephone is in a moment of personal struggle is just.. such a shitty thing to do. He doesn't talk about how he wants to care for and make her happy.. he talks about how good she makes him.

It's a similar thing he pulled during the whole thanatos thing.. where thanatos mentioned his struggled and hades talked about how terrible his abandonment was for him. Hades is just.. really self centered.

Now when I first read this.. I just thought it was very fucked up cause it's just.. weird phrasing. Then I remembered why this is here... so you remember after persephone was fucking RAPED she immediately called hades. Then hades started to talk about how he considered her mother a someone he would be willing to have sex with?

Yeah so like hades made persephone make a 'deal' to have to ask a personal question. which.. it's still so weird how it's phrased. Persephone must answer this question, even ignoring the whole problem with proposing to persephone in an emotionally vulnerable state.. saying that persephone has to answer this question.. it's just fucked up. A proposal should never be some big surprised and confrontation, persephone should never have to answer this question... especially with how she mentioned she wants to go slow.. persephone should be allowed to say no.. or even say she doesn't want to answer it right now.

Also demeter look like a badass and fuck hades-

Hades using the name kore always just.. gave me an ick, though.. I do think that's more with my personal experience with names. Though through a whole speech hades has been incredibly self-centered especially during very vulnerable situation for her.. and he finished with probably the best lines to just sum the whole thing up.

my (focus on persephone relation to him and not to each other) beautiful (focus on persephone beauty above all else). kore (ignore of persephone past discomfort with the name)

will you be my wife.. a focus on him. Most of this stuff by itself would like be fine.. but it's all together and it's the culmination of everything.

[clotpolesonly]

i figured out why Declan is my go-to blorbo, and it's because he's one of those characters where i can find common emotional/experiential ground between him and practically every other significant character and that just makes him fascinating to me and so so versatile

Declan and Gansey: repression, repression, repression!! so much anxiety rolled up into a tiny little ball and stubbornly ignored because feelings are unseemly and have no place here. they will feel things when they're dead, thank you very much. responsible beyond their years, on their own/taking care of themselves long before they should have been. tending to other people or the practicalities of the moment take precedence over themselves, at all times. unfortunately, Ronan is very important to them and they will go out of their way to protect him. also the insomnia and the autism vibes.

Declan and Adam: ruthlessly practical people. hard working and ambitious but for a reason, not for its own sake (Adam to get out of the trailer park, Declan to camouflage his other activities). they would rather die than admit to weakness or vulnerability in front of another human being. Do Not Let The Emotions In Or You Will Never Stop. feeling alienated and fundamentally from their peers, and distrustful of/disillusioned by the idea of help from authority figures -- if you have a problem, solve it yourself. both very very accustomed to lying, constantly and about everything, in order to disguise their home situation and deflect attention from anything that might cause people to ask questions. complicated relationships with their mothers, at least partially rooted in negligence and not stepping in wrt the situation with their fathers. and of course, there's a difference in scale and severity, but feeling unsafe due to the aforementioned fathers.

Declan and Blue: the particular brand of resentment that comes with being the only unspecial member of a special family. being the sensible one and stubbornly proud of how well they manage to get by without any of the ✨ super specialness ✨ that everybody else has. torn between wishing and wondering what it would be like to be special too and being desperately grateful that they're not. wishing that somebody would understand how fucking lonely it is knowing that you and your loved ones will never truly understand each other. being too proud to ever admit as much out loud.

Declan and Noah: this one's more nebulous, but the idea of being not fully real, not fully a person, and definitely the idea of not being seen. of being invisible and looked through. Noah's is because he's a literal ghost, obviously, and it's through no fault of his, but Declan has gone out of his way to cultivate that experience, to make himself as overlookable and forgettable as possible, for safety and security. but it doesn't feel good. the erosion of the sense of self as time goes on, worn down by the life they're living. and a shared understanding of being the victim of extreme violence (Noah's murder and Declan's attack by the Grey Man, at least).

Declan and Henry: the children of criminals. burdened with the knowledge of a world -- two worlds tbh, the criminal and the magical -- that they can't speak about to anyone else. socially isolated and starved for emotional connection. uncomfortably comfortable with the violence that has permeated their lives and always acting under the assumption that it can and will find them again.

Declan and the Gray Man: business is as business does and it's not personal. ✨ depression ✨ and going through the motions because this is just their life and they don't have the emotional or mental capacity right now to think of how their life might be changed. making themselves as dull as possible and then not being able to find their way out of the hole they've dug themselves, at least not until someone comes along to remind them of what it feels like to feel things.

Declan and Jordan: repression of self and lack of identity. not being allowed the space to be their own person, always forced to cram themselves into a tiny box for the sake of others. bursting at the seams with dreams that they're not allowed to chase and feelings they're not allowed to express. feeling truly seen for the first time when they meet each other.

Declan and Hennessy: being preceded by the reputation of a parent they resent. living in Niall and JH's shadows, always compared to them, even when they suspect that they may actually be better than their parents at what they do. the struggle not to let that bitterness swallow them whole before they can grow into their own reputations and make names for themselves.

Declan and Farooq-Lane: young professions who have worked very hard, thank you very much, to be as competent as they are. logical thinkers with a brewing storm of emotion that they try not to let interfere with their logical thinking because they know it makes them impulsive and they don't like that loss of control. loss of control is the enemy. they are the only grown-ups in the room and they would rather die than acknowledge that they are actually scared kids in way over their heads. both with complicated feelings about dreamers and deep-seated issues related to their dreamer brothers. also they have very similar taste in women.

honestly, the only people that Declan doesn't have common ground with is his brothers, and that's what makes his relationships with them so interesting and so fraught. there's something to be explored between Declan and Ronan wrt their suicidal ideation (though they have very different flavors of it) and perhaps with them both feeling insecure compared to each other, but so much of their conflict is about just how different their experiences and perceptions and personalities are.

and Declan being unable to relate to Matthew on a personal, empathetic level is probably part of why he finds it so hard to really think of Matthew as a fully independent PERSON in his own right. though, if Declan's experiences with the bag of Niall's memories had gone a little differently, there could have been a connection over the experience of being denied full personhood by a well-meaning but ultimately overbearing and neglectful guardian. 🤔

anyway, these have been my musings on Declan and why he continues to fascinate me. he has the range, darling.

[housethemd]

hi!! i really love ur writing, u have written some of my fav house fics :3 if i may.... could i get some of ur thoughts on house navigating sex after the infarction? i love the exploration of sex as not just getting off, but as an emotionally intimate, deeply vulnerable act. something to be explored and practiced, something imperfect and deeply personal and unique. lmao anyways sorry for blabbering, i just think u have very good ideas about house and wilson's sexual relationship. u understand them so well

Ahhh thank you anon!! ☺️

So I’m going to start with my thoughts immediately post infarction and work up to Hilson because I have many thoughts!

Okay so I think immediately after the infarction and for a while after House had very little interest in sex. The pain and the drugs he would have been on would have had a negative effect on his libido, but also his tanking self esteem and body image likely would have killed his desire for sex. I think if in the year or so following the infarction if he did have sex, it was likely because he felt he was “supposed to” want sex, not because he actually did. I also personally headcanon that he probably would have started taking viagra or another type of ED medication to help because again, pain and emotional issues have a detrimental effect on sexual performance.

I think that plays into why he starts hiring prostitutes. He feels terrible about his body, insecure about his ability to perform, and he knows a prostitute won’t care. The lack of emotional connection makes it easier for him to set aside his anxieties. He is also literally paying them to cater to him, so it’s easier to ignore the fact that there are positions he just can’t do anymore. I think it would likely be vary hard for him to be on his knees for more than a couple minutes, especially when combined with thrusting, which means a lot of more common sexual positions (missionary, doggy, etc) are now out of the question for him. With prostitutes he doesn’t have to worry about them asking him to take a position he can’t, he simply says he wants them to ride him and they do it without question.

That all to say that from the infarction to whenever he and Wilson get together (whenever you personally like to headcanon that to be) House avoids the emotional aspects of sex like the plague.

Now when House and Wilson get together, House suddenly finds himself with a regular sexual partner who he cares about very much, and who cares about him in return. House can’t avoid the emotional aspects of sex anymore. He worries about what Wilson thinks of the infarction scar during sex, about what if Wilson wants a position House can’t do, House is worried about Wilson finding out he sometimes needs pills to get it up, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Wilson I think would try to get House to talk about his limits, requirements, etc early on but House would refuse because he’s built up so many walls he can’t figure how to let them down. Eventually though I think House would be so stressed about Wilson’s thoughts and his own performance that he wouldn’t be able perform at all. This probably makes him angry, convinced Wilson won’t want to be with him anymore because House sees himself as “broken.”

I think once House has had time to cool down, Wilson would finally be able to coax House into talking about it. Wilson probably went into his relationship with House knowing House would have limits, but also knowing House wouldn’t want to talk about them. But when he finally gets House to open up he feels so special. House would admit to needing the pills sometimes, about how he finds some positions hard and some downright painful, about how every time he takes off his pants he worries Wilson will be so turned off by his scar that he won’t want him anymore.

From there they start to explore what House can do. They find new positions, they try out new forms of pleasure when House is having difficulty getting it up (prostate orgasm, anyone?), Wilson kisses House’s scar to show him it doesn’t bother him, that it’s just another part of House. Yeah, Wilson has to prod still to get House to be honest but after a while the honesty comes more easily. House is able to reframe sex in his mind as being a journey instead of a goal. Together House is able to learn whole new ways his body can feel good.

I’m working on writing a fic with the working title “5 times House and Wilson had unconventional sex, and 1 time they didn’t” which explores the fun new types of pleasure these boys get up too, as well as House’s emotional journey regarding sex and how he feels about it and himself. So a bunch of the things mentioned here will be thought out more in depth in that.

Sorry this got so long! But I hope I answered your question and thank you so much for the ask!

[esoteriamaya]

CHANNELED READING : GODDESS ENERGY

So about a week ago, I asked a few of you guys what goddesses/queens you felt called too. I already had a few that were connected to this reading.

HERA. OCHUN. MEDUSA. HATHOR. ISIS. CLEOPATRA. BASTET.

If you feel connected to either of them, their might be something you need to know, as it could be a warning, an important lesson, something fortunate, a decision you must make.. etc.

In this reading however, I picked up on a lot of beauty symbolism, and sexuality. Embracing the feminine and the sacral chakra was another. It all bottles down to what we think of ourselves and what we feel.

HERA

If you aligned yourself with the Goddess of the Sky: The Queen of Goddesses, then you are in for a treat. Hera is associated with love, marriage, strength, and overgoing certain challenges that may force you to fly with your own wings. What you must accept in your life is that people may string you along, but that hate can strain itself longer if you let it. Don't allow cheapskates to dictate your worth, always allow yourself to move to higher dimensions as you are so much better than what another person's perception is.

For this group, I see you have a secret that you won't let anyone else know about. Its time to awaken your senses and get a little vulnerable with somebody. The sex is greater when you let go btw. You don't have to mask away your feelings, let them know wassup.

Never let a man see you sweat, ok? cool.

He don't need you, he just wants what he can't have.

OCHUN

Distance yourselves from sex, flings, and one and done men at the moment. You do not want that energy seething thru the emotional sector of your body. I promise you, you don't.

If you have to beg for him to do right, I wouldn't work on it. Just let it fly.

Mother Ochun wants the people who are connected to her to appreciate their value, their worth, their time and money. 'If they don't see it for them, then they don't see it for me' is your motto. Because if no support is on the table, then I'd just clean it off and make my own banquet. Don't bother asking them for money, just find a new way to bring the dough in. You can handle the new wing of financial opportunity coming in for you.

A blessing in disguise, be open to what might be your new calling. Embrace changes.

For the lovers, you might of met your match. Groomsmen. Pilot. Associates. Wine and laughter. This might be a good man, savannah. Don't let him wait, if you know he's a great man !

Medusa

Bittersweet transformation, as it doesn't mean goodbye, it just means something new coming in its honor.

'its me, dont run away'

my apologies to many of you that have gone through trauma, pain and resentment and it followed you all throughout the year. The pain doesn't diminish, it creates a voice that is asking for it to be saved.

You're only memory of good things comes seldomly, and you wait for more opportunities to wear you can feel something.

I see for this group, that whatever you've endured in the past does come to light, and in due time you'll have to fight fight for your spot in 'heaven'.

God, now let me explain to you what I mean.

You have gifts that propel you further out of timelines from everyone else. Seers, Witches, Oracles.. You kind of see things from a new millenium. There is also a seductress prowess here, but over time you shed its light to overcome the darkness. It worked for sometime but not for long.

You may feel disgraced, tired all the time, lonesome. Dangerous experiences with men or people in general. Playing on your light and leaving you dim. You may have self reflected on this once. But time and time again your experiences with people seemed pretty worrisome...

you have a lot of patience, its your gift.

Medusa comes up in the reading so that you guys can move on and get right with yourself. Get right with GOD. The internal/external.

Finding common ground and being a voice, a beacon, a champion. Someone people can remember. Could look up to.

Your experiences in the past are only a reflection of what your internally fighting, you'll learn more soon come. It takes patience, remember that. Don't let anyone break you, you have eyes that can see.

HATHOR

The Beauty Queens. Your sensual nature really needs more play time. Beauty rituals on thursdays , notice I didn't say friday, which is practically Hathors day. For SOME of you, beauty rituals on thursdays will enrich your sensuality and jovial nature. Having more practice on your ritual will bring more expertise and knowledge to the table. It is during that time you could research and bring things from the ethers to manifest desirable outcomes. Ask yourselves how you could be more of something, be it anything, and write down your thoughts, intuitively reading the energy and writing down whatever pops up. Observe it, and then use it as a form of study. THEN go for it. It's all about magic, practice makes perfect my dears.

Spas. New scenery. Delicate foods. Content creation. Awards. Ceremonies. Painting. < A few themes i picked up for this group.

There is a very talented energy I'm picking up from the shadows and you guys must put in more effort to improve them. For others, forgiveness is a theme as someone from the past could be coming back to awaken an old fling, or old stings. It doesn't hurt like before, so don't make too much noise. Just smile and listen. We all need to lend an ear.

Triumph & Taboos. Another small interp: It might be time to dig into some polyamorous love affairs, or simply going out of your comfort zone when it comes to love, sex, affairs. And yes, you own the throne here. You're the prized possession. Dont make em wait to long, they might catch on fire ;)

ISIS

'is it me that you are looking for'

Finding space during trying times. Having to relieve the self of worries or anything keeping you on overdrive. Its time to go somewhere that gives you the most peace, like heading towards a lake or something.

Going to a library and learning something new. Or experiencing new hobbies.

The sunset/sunrise could be your new calling. Going on a hike to catch them or simply just waking up early and having a new morning routine would be beneficial at this time. If you feel a connection to Isis during this reading, its time to let go.

CLEOPATRA

Divine Partnerships coming in. Soulmates kicking in to start up a new horizon. Adventures for the soul to enlighten itself once and for all. Could be romantic, could be platonic. You are called to be great.

BASTET

Cat rituals. Vocal talents. Perfume. Beauty. Threatening appearance. A word for the masses. Oracles. Tarot. Focusing on inner self/peace. Sanctuary. Meditative groups. Endeavor.

This group may have a different connection to the night sky. As in they can receive messages when looking out into the beyond. The moon gives messages to the psyche, and this group could meditate under the moon and get some insight.

Also a special connection to kittens may be coming up soon! Stay ready, it might be a surprise from the universe.

[gffa]

The Murderbot Diaries really sucker punched me, I signed up for a story about a robot who hacks its programming so that it can watch genre TV shows while it does its job, because I Felt That, then got some intriguing worldbuilding that has a lot to say about the corporatizing of space exploration, but also some really relatable writing about Murderbot using media to escape its growing feelings, that really slid under my skin. Yet, as the series goes on, especially at the end of Network Effect, it’s really about a lot more than that.  Murderbot isn’t just my Most Relatable Character, it’s also someone who is learning to accept that they have trauma and that it’s possible to heal from it.  It’s uncomfortable and gross to admit you have feelings, much less to admit that you have feelings that hurt you, that cut to the core of you, and that you care about other people. The ending of Network Effect got me in the feelings place because it’s not the first time Murderbot has left the Preservation people, it did that at the end of the second book, too.  But then it accepted that it might never see them again, that it was breaking something to leave.  Now, Murderbot actually talks to Mensah and opens up about its feelings--that it wants to remain connected to her and the others.  It wants its place to be held with them, even if it goes off with its friend for awhile. The vulnerability isn’t just acknowledged in Murderbot’s head, but with another person.  It’s a significant milestone in Murderbot wanting something for itself and asking someone else to help it with that.  To not just be a piece of furniture that will always be there for the humans but not vice versa, to be discarded when it’s inconvenient or they’re done with it, but to ask them to wait for it to come back, to still care about it.  To admit that these people matter, their affection for it matters, and to trust that it will last even if Murderbot isn’t actively saving their lives right that moment. Murderbot asked them for something that meant it had to trust them emotionally and it trusted that they meant what they said about still caring about it and having a place for it to come back to. I was so overwhelmed with feelings about Murderbot’s emotional journey that I had to immediately start listening to the next episode of The Locked Tomb to cope with them.

[psychdiarys]

Only Friends Ep 10: Brief Thoughts on All the Pairs

SandRay:

"Sand, please understand me. Being with me requires patience."

They absolutely NAILED this episode! The way they handled the progression of Sand and Ray's scenes was so satisfying for me. I mean, I'm aware that Sand and Ray had their fair share of issues in previous episodes, but let's put all of that aside because this episode was about Sand's efforts to get Ray the help he needs.

From Sand's initial attempts to persuade Ray to go to rehab, the adorable flirting between them, to Ray testing Sand's courage (revealing his truth to his dad) without ACTUALLY making him to do it – it was all brilliantly executed.

And I couldn't help but CHEER when Ray tossed his bottles into the trashcan. LIKE THAT'S MY MAN! The entire confrontation between them after Ray discovered that his dad paid Sand to take him to rehab was SO intense. I CRIED. Like it's definitely one of, if not the best scenes, from this show.

FirstKhao's performance really touched me deeply, and Ray's emotional monologue in rehab at the end was incredibly heart-wrenching. It was a realization that Sand had been there for him all along without expecting anything in return. I must say, they executed this episode exceptionally well!

BostonNick:

"I'm nasty too. Don't we deserve each other?"

BostonNick has always been my favorite OF pair, hands down. Their dynamic can literally be summed up with, "Don't we deserve each other?"

Because, yes! Like people portray Nick as a pitiable victim of Boston's manipulation, who lacks self-respect, but it's FAR MORE COMPLEX. Nick isn't just a sad heartbroken loser. He's also a nasty person, as he admits.

Both of them have engaged in toxic behavior and done hurtful things, but deep down, they are just human. The reason Nick keeps returning to Boston, despite attempting to move on, is his pure love and understanding of Boston, a connection that no one else shares.

Nick has gone to great lengths, stooped really low, to attain Boston. So obviously, he cannot judge or punish Boston for the terrible things he does. Because they're equally deranged, your honour! Nick GETS Boston. And that's what moves Boston, especially because friends simply abandoned him without giving him a chance. They didn't even try to hear him out when he tried to defend himself. They all left. But Nick? Nick came back! Even after everything! Even after promising he won't!

Nick is the only one willing to give him another chance and risk it all for him! This sets Nick apart in Boston's life because Boston struggles with love & hurts people, but Nick is the one who believes Boston deserves love.

And damn, are they perfect for each other? Boston using the same method Nick originally used to seduce him in the first episode, a photo on his phone, to win Nick back? Delicious. Boston admitting that he doesn't take good care of things he owns? Nick saying that some things can't be replaced? Lovely metaphor game.

And then the rooftop scene. Obviously, both are trying to grow and become better, but it's clear that change doesn't happen overnight. Despite Nick promising he'd never show up in front of Boston again, he ends up on the rooftop with him. And Boston, who's trying to be more responsible with what he cares about, still attempts to act like he doesn't care when Nick arrives. Their personalities haven't suddenly transformed; they're simply trying to become better versions of themselves.

Boston slowly lowers his guard and decides to be vulnerable. And what actually flipped the switch for Nick is Boston admitting that he misses him, the first time Boston genuinely expresses something akin to love for Nick. And then all hell breaks loose. For the first time, they make love, not just fuck. Ugh, they stole the show.

TopMew:

"You won't believe anything I say right now. But I will prove it to you."

I'm sooo sorry, but for some reason, TopMew have never resonated with me. I think it's because they've never had a truly sincere connection?

Initially, Top was interested in Mew simply to "try" being with a virgin, which is why he pursued Mew. He eventually develops real feelings for Mew, but by this point, Mew is unsure if Top's intentions are genuine. Mew tests if Top meets all his "criteria" or not. When Top finally "checks all those boxes" & Mew finally starts to trust him, Top ends up cheating on him. And now that Top is trying to win Mew back, Mew seems to be using Boeing as a way to teach him a lesson.

Their entire relationship feels like a game where each one is trying to gain the upper hand over the other. The "3-month dating rule" almost feels like a challenge. Initially, Mew plans not to sleep with Top for at least 3 months to see if Top can commit. Now, Top is attempting to prove that he can sustain a relationship for more than 3 months. Their storyline is honestly the worst for me.

I'm not suggesting that they don't have feelings for each other, but I don't find their dynamic enjoyable, and I'm not convinced they should end up together. I don't know if that'll change?

[extralively]

The latest chapter is ominous and gorgeous. Tsumikiiii 😭😭 But damn, that SatoYura smut is GODLY 🫨🫨

I'm curious if the couch scene was inspired from somewhere (like scenes in movies and stuff) or was it purely just your brilliant brain coming up with and writing down imagery of Satoru and Yura literally making love and finding comfort in each other?

I can't get over how you beautifully conveyed Satoru being vulnerable around Yura --- trusting her so much, and how Yura just welcomes him with open arms. 💘 They're so in love and they're still so in denial. 🥴😭

Thinking back to where they began... Boy oh boy... 😆 If their younger selves could see them now.

And was it just me or were they literally having sex physically and metaphysically? Reading it gave me the impression that they were so consumed in each other (like literally nothing exists outside of one another) and there was no other place they would rather be... 🫠

Also, the way Satoru has no problem picking Yura up and carrying her around is INSANELY ATTRACTIVE. 😩 Shout out to that one time they had sex in the bathroom and he was holding her up with his arms alone. I'm weak... Yura, you lucky girl.

Thank you so much hehehe <33

I don't think that scene was inspired by anything in particular! Mostly I just try to make every smut different so it doesn't get boring hehe, so I like to play around with different elements.

I think I'm decent at writing down actions, but I struggle actually conveying emotions and more abstract stuff, so that's something I have to really sit down and think as I write haha. So I'm glad it's been working out <3 It does get a little weird when I have to think of multiple different ways to "show they love each other but are still so deeply in denial about it" lmao but yes we (and they) are still at it!!

I've actually been writing a couple of quick side oneshots of them back in school because I missed that dynamic so much (I think I might do a separate work just for school-age stories), so it's really fun switching between their current lovey-doveyness and then going back to how they were at the beginning lmao. Their younger selves would have an aneurysm if they could see them now!!

Metaphysical sex wasn't intentional on my part (this time lol), but it's also pretty likely that they've been reaching out through their connection subconsciously during these moments and ~enhancing~ it all. I do still want to write them actually trying out the metaphysical sex on purpose tho (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

It is pretty fun (and hot) to write Satoru just casually being strong as hell lmao. Like, gotta remember this ain't a regular person we're dealing with! But also, Yura could probably pick him up and carry him around with no trouble too LMAO he's the strongest, but he's still a regular human-weight. And he would def enjoy that, I can see him pretending to be a damsel as Yura carries him around lolol

Anyway, thank you so much again <3

[sounknownvoid]

How about sam owning his power?

Yes, another random too late at night on our boy sammy! - he just wont leave me alone!... :)

Thing that strikes me about spn and the dynamics bw sam n dean is the power imbalance - and theres multiple kinds at play and im sure ill screw it up in laying out all the layers i see in my head out here but here goes:

Theres initially the little bro v big bro power imbalance - in favour of dean - but theres also the perceived (by dean) power imbalance in favour of sam as he thinks dad only cares about sams safety and + his own love for sam makes him think sams got him wrapped around his finger - thing is, the fact that deans willing to do anything for sam is not necessarily sams doing but it scares dean that sam has that effect on him.....never understanding that he has the same hold on sam.

Then, as they get older, deans faster,stronger,better at hunting,fighting and gets all the parise from dad as a result while sam is the "runt" - scrawny & reluctant (and probably part of his reluctance to join hunting family business is that teenage-attitude of "ah well, im never gonna be better than dean or dad, why bother?") So he doesnt try harder than he has to, to get by ....so the physical power balance for a long time is also with dean growing up...and it suits dean just fine - after all, who doesnt like being "adored big brother" ?...but also given deans fear of sams emotional power over him, & sams intellectual prowess that dean already starts to see in him, dean revels in his physical skills and it makes him feel indulgent and sorta ok with caring for and about his sammy and in his mind balances the scales that sams adoration of him for his skills n physical powers somehow negates the emotional hold of sam on him...& so the scales remain balanced sorta...

A bit older again and sam starts to physically shoot up and he seems to pick things up quicker, is braver than dean at standing up for himself (&im sure on behalf of dean too, sometimes) more n more with dad and theres that damn intellect and that emotional hold on dean already...the scales far as dean can see is tipping slowly away from him....and then sam is (whether due to weecest/wincest feelings developing or just normal teenage angst doesnt matter here) pulling away in teenage fashion: more n more away from dean too so now dean feels like hes left feeling the brunt of that emotional pull more n more (again because theres wincest elements on deans part or not is irrelevant here - its just the emotional gap created when the person you're so closely attached to since childhood pulls away - but this is probably felt even more intensely by dean coz of the hunting lifestyle n lack of other human connections) - leaving dean feeling vulnerable af - which hed hate....and resent sam for .... & would see it as sam holding all the power - even if it may not objectively be true or even something sam is aware of....remember, he's just a kid - drawing boundaries n learning about himself as he grows....

Stanford being the 1st big decision sam makes on his own, asserting his independence - is a blow to dean -to him, thats sam exercising that power of his and being selfish and uncaring of impact on dean - after all, dean had to give up his life,his dreams for sam n his dad - why isnt sam doing the same?... and all the resentments at not just him being the only one to make sacrifices in the family but also of this growing power imbalance towards sam kicks in....and he hates it - he hates that sam doesnt need him anymore, is off making his own decisions, hes likely to be off creating and living his own life pretty soon - & wheres dean then?

As s1,s2 progresses, we see more n more sam being pushed into giving up his power, his independence more n more in favour of dean - not just by circumstances and hell/heaven conspiracy but also emotionally/mentally by people he loves the most - dad, bobby, dean...because the choice for him is "its either our love and acceptance or your own power" & ofc he chooses "family" & " love & acceptance" - cloaked in shame,guilt and humiliation.... theres no thought given by his "loved ones" to " how could we help understand sam's powers and help him manage it", train it or anything remotely positive - its instantly :sam has powers = sam is bad - why? - because he's now 6'4, strong physically,mentally and his only vulnerability is his love for his family: dean mostly at that stage... & they even mention munchausens syndrome by proxy in one of the episode - coz thats basically whats being done to him - hes being made to believe that his powers are inherently evil and therefore he's sick and he "needs" dean to deal with it...and terrified & in absence of any support,ofc he does, he does need dean to deal with it/with himself - slowly eroding his trust in himself... not blaming dean here - as to him its his own "life or death" + identity crisis situation - if hes not looking after sammy, who is he, what does he do with his life? (that "african root-induced dream walker in bobbys/deans head" episode makes it pretty explicit)...

S3/4 - hes had a bit of time on his own & hes found a "teacher" - ruby....thing is, he wouldnt have been that vulnerable to ruby to begin with, if hed received even a tiny bit of guidance n care n understanding of how to manage/control his powers ... so ofc, at his lowest he succumbs to anyone offerring him any kind of guidance or control over himself, coz hes already been conditioned to not trust himself - and why shouldnt he take it from a demon - isnt he already been called evil freak by his own? ...he might as well ...

To dean on his return this is worst case: sammy having his own power and his powers....again wincesty lens might add other layers but for this essay(sorry)!: 1xof the factors influencing deans reactions have to be also the power imbalance tipping towards sam again( he even says in one episide all huffy "well you dont need me, you & ruby can hunt demons on your own" whil packing his duffel) - yes theres jealousy n care that his bro is being manipulated by a demon and his own hell trauma etc,etc....but - lets not forget that hes also feeling that sense of loss of control n power over sam specifically...and so ruby is not the only one manipulating sam in this season...and love is not an excuse for manipulation....and dean is not immune to using it to get what he wants - ie sam (wincest or not doesnt matter here either - outcome is still the same that dean wants).

From s4 to almost upto s10 its a steady degradation of sam and loss of him owning his own power,his body,his self,his personhood.... and each time he tries to reclaim it, hes emotiinally beaten up into giving it up again - so that he can be loved - he is pretty much a "batterred wife" at that point, having given up his power to dean (&lucifer&gadreel via dean &...) - until he starts to fully reclaim again s11 onwards - but in a way thats much more "acceptable" to dean.... hearing words he says to charlie or to mary or to sully about how hes accepted that this is his life now and he loves it - this is somehow supposed to show sams "maturity" in acceptance of his respinsibilities in hunting n saving people etc ... but to me, its not really if you've been watching - its him being a "batterred wife", trading his power for love n acceptance... because he knows that dean will never fully accept sam in his full power....he cant as hes too scared of what he doesnt understand (incl himself). Again wincest lens would amp all of this to intensityx10...

It is these experiences that he then uses to help guide and care for young kids that cross his path showing abilities - incl jack.

If theres ever a reboot i hope its this - i hope its with a sam that starts to see visions n telekinesis etc and he gets support n kindness and understanding & faith in him - while he figures out his training himself - itd be amazing if its dean who "comes around" - hell id even settle for a dean that "comes around" in midst of "when levee breaks" and they run off and hole up somewhere n get sam his rest n care from dean and then training for him.....n they stop the apocalypse together but with sam having his full powers n dean proudly supporting him and himself being powerful in his own right... so that i can believe that its possible to be powerful n strong in your own right and still be loving and kind and caring and loved n accepted in return...

I'll stop here with that beautiful image in my head to help me sleep n not cry over how they did sammy anymore... :) ...not sure any of it made sense, sorry ... n thanks for reading?..

[17magpiesinatrenchcoat]

TELL US YOUR PK HEADCANONS!!! (if you wanna)

Oh HELL yeah

I’ve already said a bunch of these on ig… but you guys get to have more 😈😈

putting a cut here bc it’s fuckin long lol 💀💀

My fan name for him is Astennu!! Means god of the moon.. and WL’s name is Faraway :D

pan/polygamous: ]

autistic ofc bc I love projecting he's very bad at masking too, he's good at keeping up one specific persona (typical cold ruler mask..) but as soon as someone doesn't act the exact way he expects them to do he doesn't know how to react, and the mask slips, very practiced and good but only in very specific circumstances, another reason why he's so antisocial

he is good at heart and has strong morals, but they're usually overpowered by fear, so he usually just does what's easiest instead of what's right, even though it hurts him more in the long run

he doesn't give a shit about gender, everyone just started calling him a guy and he was like "ok lol"

likes singing and is quite good at it too!! (or. in the case of my au, he was before his voice got messed up)

NO spacial awareness whatsoever, always gets lost in thought, constantly bumping into shit, , he has a bunch of gnarly scars just from that

his godly powers are too much for his mortal-ish body, he regularly gets sick bevause of them, and it was even worse before he used most of them to create hallownest, he was basically permanently in pain lol LOSER

he can't control his glow, so it betrays his emotions a lot (and he can accidentally flashbang people when he feels really strong emotions)

refuses to be vulnerable at all. pushes everyone away, somewhat consciously too, believing himself to be a burden and that they'd be better off without him

drinks literally nothing but coffee {or the hallownest equivalent to it anyway)

very bad memory (projecting again)

he doesn't know how to interact with. people. much less be a parent. he's a terrible parent LOL he tries but he's just not good at it whatsoever

kind of a shitty immune system due to his powers making him sick so often, another reason he's reclusive

ameteur painter (he doesn't understand it much but it makes lurien really happy so)

his special interest is just. inventing intricate technology in general, he completely hyper focuses on it and would spend literal days doing it if it wasn't for wl dragging him out of his workshop LOL

EXTREMELY deadpan and can be very rude without realising it

Stuff always gets stuck in his horns and he usually doesn’t notice until it gets pointed out (which usually take hours bc wl and lurien think it’s funny lol)

Literally does not know how to make connections with people whatsoever every connection he has made has been accidental

dating both lurien and wl obviously 🫶🫶🫶(wl is also dating dryya but I haven’t put much thought into that one yet I should) the gods do not care for monogamy

Hmm.. for his relationships with some of the other characters..

realising that I have not fleshed out his relationship with wl really omg what’s wrong with me I need to fix that ☹️☹️ but uh here’s the other characters for now lol

him and lurien are both deranged autism buddies <33 lurien does not take any form of authority seriously at all, and doesn’t like taking orders (pathological demand avoidance, autistic thing, pretty sure I have it lol) and so.. he never like. acted like pk was a god. he just treated him like a normal person. and pk had no clue how to react to that so he could not keep up his mask around lurien at all.. so eventually they ended up realising they have common interests and ended up becoming friends.. and later.. hmmm?? they are both incredibly awkward and socially inept lol so it took way longer to happen then it should 💀

but yeah they have a very funky dynamic LOL they can talk for hours about their common interests <3 and hmm.. their dynamic is basically this

He never thought that much of herrah other than being vaguely scared of her;; but she fucking hated him LOL she thought he was an inept cowardly moron

but.. the more time she spent as queen, she grew to understand him a lot more as she felt how much that role and pressure could tear someone down

She still doesn’t like him that much, but she understands why he is the way he is now, and tries to be nicer bevause she knows how it feels

He and monomon have a very weird relationship.. they’re kinda friends but also kinda fucking hate each other LOL;; like;; theyre really fucking mean and hostile to each other but it’s not really genuine, it’s more out of habit than anything, and they do care about each other and look out for each other, it’s just sort of the manifestation of them both being emotionally inept assholes who don’t know how to communicate, so they sorta take it out on each other, but neither of them mind, they know neither of them actually mean it

so yeah sorta like;; idk weird ass friendship where they both pretend to hate each other to vent at how shit the world is but they both know neither of them mean it bevause the anger isn’t directed at each other at all, and it’s kinda become a game between them who can come up with the most ridiculous insults LOL

Uhhh I guess that’s it lol!! Yeah I said there was a lot 💀 if you have any questions or more headcanon ideas for me… well you know where to find me 💜💜

[poshwitchx]

Broken hearted One </3

For the first time in my life. I only want to talk to my family. No friends. No boys. No one but my family. It's a weird feeling. But I deleted my social medias and all I care about is taking care of my kids, working, and going to church. Keeping up with my family, and chasing my goals. Talking to so many people just seems like wasted time over the years. Especially random people who aren't on my level or have the same morals and values I want to achieve. So maybe, when I'm ready I will make new friends. But I just went through a weird breakup. He lied about something so odd. I was in it genuinely and clearly, he was not. But lesson learned. I'm not mean't to be with anyone. I mean fuck... I didn't sleep with anyone for 2 years until him... and I had hoped he was the one... now I just feel used and dirty. Against God to. One of the ten commandments. And people can say oh its 2024 it's fine blah blah, but sexx means a whole lot more to me than just sex. It's a spiritual and loving and sensual connection to me and now that I'm heartbroken I feel like I was stupid giving myself away again to someone I thought loved me. Jokes on me once again. I'll get over it. But this time is different. I don't want to meet anyone new. I think when you love someone for real you don't automatically rebound to someone new if you truly loved that person, and I did truly love him regardless of his lies and fairytales. I loved him for him. But he couldn't even love himself for him. He had such a high standard for himself because of some ex bitch who hurt him. And he hurt me just like he hurt her and I didn't deserve any of that... Now I can sit and bitch about it all day... but I think it's just the fact that once you truly open up to someone, let your walls down, get vulnerable... that's when you really find out if someone's there for you or not, and majority of the time... they are not. It's a sad harsh truth. Unless the person is truly there for you, then on the other hand, once you drop your walls, they see it as weakness, they have a power over you to control you and your emotions. To slide into a dance of games instead of honesty and loyalty. It becomes a charade and the face of the Joker is in front of you. A pokerface. Waiting to pounce on you for being real and loyal and honest. The dreaded Jekyll and Mr Hyde comes out and BOOM. You get heartbroken again. Another person, another face, another heartbreak, another cry. Then you end up single in a bar, online, tinder, whatever means of meeting and you are meeting another single and your both broken from your exs. And wam, you think your in love and the cycle repeats. You have a fling that lasts a month to a few years, and boom. Heartbroken again. New problems different face. It's literally happened to me so many times. And yet I still somehow have this sad belief that true love actually exists. Merely due to the fact that is someone like me exists who is loyal and kind and doesn't cheat and doesn't play mind games... if someone like me exists then doesn't that mean someone else besides me, like me exists out there? Wouldn't that surely be my soulmate? Or maybe I am just a delusional idiot. Loves not real.... but according to psychology, science, health, and history, LOVE is surely real. I think these younger generations just do not fully grasp the concept of love and how it takes devotion and hard work to love someone unconditionally and to even let someone go so that they can grow, that that, in itself is also love. So to conclude my rantings of a broken heart... I would only wish him the best. I hope he gets sober and actually goes to a rehab. I hope that he can find God. I hope that he can learn to see himself the way I saw him without all the layers on top. Just to see himself with true self love. I fell for him. And it hurts letting go, but I am older now and been heartbroken enough times to be able to one let go, two move on, and three to love someone from afar no matter their flaws and sins. We are all sinners, all flawed, all feel unloveable, and insecure.

[adanima]

ok i've never fully been down for vegaspete and threesomes and it's still not fully up my alley but i think i've kinda stumbled into a version i would like. i think my issue with vegaspete and threesomes is that they are so so codependent and possessive of each other that they would be incapable of sharing one another with a third. like i've long held the belief that they would be 100% into exhibitionism because that's about displaying their ownership of each other and screaming about it to others. basically bragging like "hey i get this person and he's all mine and you're never going to get him like i do". and they would be like 0% into threesomes because that would be allowing someone else, an outsider, to witness and experience and take part in sex with them, where they're stripped down and vulnerable to be seen. and like, both of them would be in agreement that threesomes are a no go. and vegas would be the one who is even more adamant about it, all possessive and everything.

but then i've realized that thinking comes with the assumption that sex is inherently tied with emotions and intimacy and vulnerability. which, i kind of always bundle together for vegaspete. like sex for vegaspete is very much about vulnerability and being perceived because it's about pete letting his desires be known and succumbing to that ("let it out, pete"). and vegas understanding those desires and reflecting them back to pete and having pete reflect them back to him ("i thought i was a freak"). and yes, sex isn't the only way this manifests for them but it's definitely a major one. for vegaspete, they can have intimacy/vulnerability without sex but they cannot have sex without intimacy/vulnerability.

and i think, given their respective histories, vegas understands this better than pete. vegas 100% knows that it's possible to have sex without being vulnerable with your partner because he's done so thousands of times before. the reason sex with pete hits so differently for vegas is because of that vulnerability. vegas absolutely knows sex with pete will never not have at least one of them vulnerable. vegas knows sex with pete will never not have a deeper meaning than the physical and he is loathe to share that with anyone. but he also knows that if either of them were to sleep with someone else now, it would mean absolutely zilch simply because it is someone else.

but pete? emotionally repressed, "we only kiss people we like" pete? pete thinks sex with anyone has to have some level of emotional meaning, some sort of connection between the people engaging in the act. meaningless sex does not register to pete. a lot of people are in agreement that pete didn't have much of a sex life before vegas and i think this a big reason why. pete wouldn't have sex with someone he doesn't have some sort of feelings for.

so, all this to say - give me a situation where a threesome is proposed or something. give me vegas being so blasé about it he just mentions it to pete as something as menial as a new dish he'll try. a "hey this sounds interesting, are you up for it?" and give me pete absolutely flipping out at the prospect of vegas with someone else. vegas directing his attention and his focus and his care to someone else.

bonus if this happens in the middle of the threesome. like pete agrees initially because "sure i'm discovering whole heaps of stuff i didn't know i liked before so why not try this" and in the middle, when vegas is turns away from pete to get the third person involved, pete loses it. pete demanding vegas to come back, to look at him again, to never look at anyone else ever again.

don't really have anything special to end this with. basically, irrationally possessive pete who surprises both of them with how possessive he is. because both of them previously thought vegas was the more possessive of the two.

[unfortunate17]

Ooo so what fics have you been imagining exactly??

Right now, I’ve gone down the Wilmon/Young Royals hole when it comes to fics so that’s what I’ll talk about here. There are SO MANY things I want to write/read in this fandom, but some of the headcanons have been stronger than others and there’s too many for them all to be written. Anyway, without further ado:

1. I want to explore how Wilmon’s sexual dynamic changes after the video gets published. This fic would be canon compliant and take place after a lot of the events of the series have shaken out and Wilmon finally have the chance to just be. Except now they have so much time and sometimes, when you have a lot of time, things Simon’s been ignoring start to come out of the woodwork. Namely - everyone on the internet has seen him have sex. When the video first came out, while Wilhelm totally shut out the world, I want Simon to have watched it back over and over and over again, picking himself apart and drowning in the embarrassment and regret of it all. I want it so that he feels exposed now whenever he’s intimate, doesn’t want Wilhelm to get him off, doesn't want Wilhelm to even look at him, wants to be in control, and is deeply, deeply unhappy. I have this vision of the ending where Simon would finally relax again, allow himself to be vulnerable, and Wilhelm would take over with a kind of there you are, I’ve got you kind of vibe.

2. Another exploration of Simon’s arc as Wilhelm grows out of his anxiety with the support of therapy and age and friends/family. I have this line rattling around in my brain: Simon has always held a fundamental belief that Wilhelm’s hurt runs deeper than his own, that his pain is somehow more important than his own. Throughout the series, Simon takes great pride in being able to take care of or protect people, often to his own detriment. He likes being needed. And I don’t think he truly understands the difference between being needed and being wanted. As Wilhelm starts to stand on his own feet and rely less and less on Simon for emotional stability, I want Simon to feel the conflicted horror of realizing that he doesn’t want Wilhelm to get better - because what if he doesn’t need Simon anymore then? What purpose would he have in Wilhelm’s life? What if he is unwanted?

3. (I think I’m going to write this next maybe): Wilhelm is a student at Hillerska, a secretive, expensive boarding school for mutant teenagers, loosely based off of the X-Men comics. I want him to have Storm’s powers of controlling the weather/having the weather reflect his mood. While he’s at Hillerska, he meets Simon, who has seemingly no powers. Mutants are a secret to the rest of the world, and Simon says he’s basically only there because his sister is a mutant (she can talk to animals) and it would be safer for the sake of the secret and if they both boarded at Hillerska. Wille has never seen such an exception made, but he’s not about to question it because he fucking adores having Simon around. They fall for eachother slowly but surely, but Simon keeps pulling away, like he’s afraid. Long story short, Simon does have a power - a very rare one - hint hint, Rogue is my favorite character.

4. (Or maybe I’ll finish this one first instead of the super hero one) I want a fic mainly just for the dynamic of Simon getting a whiplash of Wille’s personality HAHA and I’ve never written an office romance before sooo. Wilhelm would be in some position of corporate power, a senior partner at some firm, a director somewhere etc. And he definitely only got this position because of his family connections. While he’s good at his job, he’s a little too young and a little too inexperienced to have actually worked his way up there. Simon joins in an entry-level position and he’s shocked to learn that his skip level leader is his age but when the CEO says that Wille is her son, it all starts to come together. It also doesn’t help that Wilhelm is a bit detached and uncaring as a people leader but Simon doesn’t have room to complain, he really needs to keep this job so he shuts his mouth and puts his head down. His manager, August, might potentially be worse than Simon - he keeps taking credit for other people’s work and while Simon often takes no shit, again he really needs this fucking job. Eventually, one day, Wilhelm comes over to speak to him and to Simon’s shock, he asks him out. All of Simon’s friends tell Simon not to go, that Wille is likely just using him, but Simon is too fucking curious for his own good and Wille’s easy on the eyes so he does - and it turns out that Wilhelm is actually the nicest person ever? LOL

5. (this is not going to be like, irl accurate but idc) A really angsty/melo-dramatic fic that’s summed up with: If this is their happily ever after, why aren’t they happy? I want Wilmon to be married, but for Wilhelm to remain Crown Prince. Simon absolutely loathes royal life, but he loves Wilhelm. And Wilhelm still feels a strong sense of guilt induced duty, especially now that he’s been allowed to keep Simon at his side. Still, some days he feels as though he can barely bear it. One day, they have a blow-up argument about something trivially silly and Simon goes back to his mom’s house for a few weeks to cool off. He tells Wille that he needs to reevaluate their relationship and their priorities and Wilhelm doesn’t think he’s ever been as cold as he is at that moment. The main problem is that the things that Simon hates about their life cannot be fixed - whether or not Wilhelm abdicates, he will be hounded for the rest of his life, he will never be allowed to live in a normal apartment, he will always need to have security, and the press will only become more invasive. Simon had once said that Wilhelm was worth it, but now Wilhelm’s not so sure that Simon means it anymore. Security follows Simon back to Bjarstad, where unbeknownst to Simon, they keep sending Wilhelm updates on his whereabouts and doings. Wilhelm wants them to stop, but he also misses Simon like a missing limb, so he doesn’t say anything even if he knows it's wrong. Pretty soon, Wille is looking at pictures of Simon laughing in restaurants and playing soccer out on the old field and volunteering at the local church. And despite all the benefits of Wilhelm’s wealth and power and privilege that they both have enjoyed over the years, the sentiment that Wilhelm has ruined Simon’s life has never felt more real.

[stevie-petey]

"Truly, it was inevitable. He’s too much like you, your wounds a matching pair, and you never stood a chance against the inevitability. He’s an extension of you now, you can no longer deny this."

omgggg they are sooooo going to fall in love.....they are sooo connected to each other........wounds a matching pair....yeah that's them choosing each other baby!!!!

"The moment between you two is intimate; everyone around you looks away. Nancy stares down at her feet while Steve clenches his jaw."

this is soooo cray to me, because i feel like this whole moment captures the four of them so well. in every other universe that's not this one, it really is big and bee, and steve and nancy soulmatism hours. it's just this one where nancy and johnathan choose each other and steve and bug choose each other. love love the dynamic between feeling the string of fate connect you to a person yet choosing someone else because it's what you both want......in a way it's more powerful than any string of fate can be.

also the part where she kisses johnathan's cheek to savour it knowing its one of the last times..........hmmm........this is what heartbreak feels like.......but then holding steve in the kitchen immediately after........m you really built the parallels there......

i am so fascinated by the fact that bug is caught up in the survivor's guilt trip of the century about will while at the same time nancy is drinking her own fun cocktail of guilt for cheating and the burden of knowing she possibly came between bug and johnathan in a strange way, and feels that resentment against bug for seemingly not having to carry that burden?? like obvs bug has her faults but it's so interesting watching bug overemphasize her guilt and role in will's predicament in an honestly unpredictable situation while nancy feels anger and resentment at bug for being not-as-at-fault in their relationship troubles of the lover's quadrilateral (good indie band name btw)......like......bug and nancy you two are more alike than either of you would like to admit!!! especially with what bug revealed last episode about striving to be kind because she felt like she was cruel after their dad left and thus is always trying to make up for it because she's so scared to be like their dad, while nancy saw the loveless marriage of their parents and turned it into a streak of emotional caution and restraint and independence, is all just so.....like the iverts of each other??? so it just makes sense why steve and johnathan would be caught up in both of them so much....bug feels jealousy over johnathan choosing nancy and admiring that emotional independence while nancy in turn resenting the guilt she feels for not being a "good" gf to steve and craving the emotional vulnerability that makes people gravitate towards bug as she struggles with her own complications, complexities and the fact that she isn't as outwardly....idk i guess perfect-seeming when she compares herself to bug.....which is funny given that that's how bug felt about nancy when comparing nancy's badassery and intelligence in s1........like.......girls........i hate to tell ya, you guys are very good mirrors of each other! and are really reflecting a lot of the same fears back at each other and projecting the same light over and over again!! honest to god i see another universe where nancy and bug are together, the same way there's a universe where steve and nancy/bug and johnathan are together...........like.........they've got that lesbian parallels and have that toxic feelings-that-in-hs-you-could-only-describe-as-jealousy-that-tears-you-both-apart-later-you-realise-was-desire that breaks your heart in high school and you don't understand why until years later you wake up and go "oh! that was my first love! that's why i felt that glow emanating from their very being and felt they were perfect and above all reproach and better than me and had what i can only describe as a gaping hole in my chest anytime they were in a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone who wasn't me!"

also, i just wanted to add about the ending tent scene where bug is trying to bring will back......i will admit that with recent stuff, i don't really care for will all that much, but genuinely, seeing the deep connections between bug and the rest of the byers family.....will being her little bee.....so cute they really are her family!!! in another life she would have been joyce's daughter in law!!! obvs family is so much more than like certificates and paper documents but idk you can just tell how much they are meant to be in each other's lives. and omg el is back!! yay!!!

oh nancy and bug 100% in another universe are gfs because they foil SO well :(((( youre correct about everything, every little detail is right and it PAINS me.

and nancys guilt paralleling bugs :(( my girls deserve the world and they NEED to have a conversation about how much they admire the other. it would do them both so much good ugh (it will come, trust)

and i love the idea of fate and how we can choose to go against it, and i think it incorporates well into the story in respect to the relationships. fate destined nancy/steve and bug/jon and YET ,,, theyre choosing someone else. they have to choose someone else. and its so beautiful so me <3