#more than a friend as well

[goldeneyedgirl]

Ficmas24 Day 4: Anathema

Good night everyone! I am so sleepy, so just a few quick notes (and editing will have to wait til tomorrow because I am about three minutes from being curled up in my bed).

Today's offering is the first private meeting Alice and Jasper have in Anathema. I've had this scene in my head for such a long time, and I need to keep reworking this version to get it perfect. But it's a good start, and I do love exploring how vulnerable and alien this version of Jasper is to humans, to Alice - who is the first person to welcome him closer because she likes him and not out of fear or pity.

I hope you enjoy it, the ask box is still going, and i hope you all have an amazing day today!

I slipped into my bedroom without switching on the light. Dulcie was already tucked up in bed with one of her romance novels, and I knew that Freddie would follow suit as soon as the washing up was done. I also knew neither of them could hear anything that went on in my bedroom from previous experience - mostly all-night marathons of cartoons when my laptop could still reliably stream TV.

Closing the door carefully, and taking the time to jam it shut with an old phone book so that no one could barge in without knocking - I might not have ever been a Girl Guide, but I was always prepared - I walked over to my desk, awkwardly leaning over it to shimmy open the window and call out.

"Jasper?"

It was more of a hiss, really. Not exactly the girlish vision of a balcony scene. And I felt kind of silly - there was the chance I was imagining things. But if I was wrong, no one would hear me, so that made it less ridiculous. And the fact that I was certain that's why my dream and the cards were telling me. No vermin or possums or debris in the roof; Jasper Cullen was, for reasons known only to him (and possibly the future that involved the debasement of the downstairs gurney) hanging out on our roof at night. Specifically, over my window.

And it was completely anti-social, inhuman, and borderline stalker behaviour. Well, total stalker behaviour. But at the same time, he wasn't human. And he had no other way to get to me; I didn't go to school, and I was still under house arrest, even after the debacle with the Lamia. I was sympathetic. The vision of Jasper telling Mrs Cullen that I was the first person to care if he got hurt haunted me. I couldn't imagine being that completely and utterly alone. And I couldn't bear the idea of Jasper, my Jasper, being that alone. Was still that alone.

"Jasper, I know you're there," I hissed again, and waited.

The night was still for a moment before I heard some movement. But instead of him popping into view, there was a blur of movement from the tree next to the house onto the roof-proper.

Well.

Two could play that game.

It was cold tonight and my bedroom seemed to be colder than the rest of the apartment, so I was wearing a long flannel nightgown I’d thrifted. It was deeply unflattering, but so warm; I just looked like some kind of quasi-80s Victorian doll they sold on infomercials. Not exactly the look I wanted when I finally got to talk to Jasper for the first time in private, but I didn’t have time to change or he might leave. I jammed my feet into some shoes beside my desk, and dragged a Forks hoodie over my nightgown before I climbed onto my desk and then out of the window.

There was just enough ledge to balance on my toes and inch along from my window gingerly - immediately regretting my choice of clogs that felt awkward and insecure. But determination won out and I kept inching my way along. The hulking tree that shaded this side of the house was currently the MVP of this debacle - it hid me from view of anyone who might be driving past the funeral home. Nosy neighbours had caught me out a few times over the years, and I didn't really want to add to that list.

Finally having reached the edge of my window, I hoisted myself up by the frame, my fingers clawing for a hold as I somehow manoeuvered myself upwards until I got to the narrow flat roof top, where one Jasper Cullen was looking stunned. Not that I blamed him; it was less 'parkour' that got me up this high, and more 'roadkill frenzy'. The shoes were a bad choice.

"Miss Brandon." His voice is dry again, like he hasn't been talking

"I called out to you," I said grumpily, landing heavily beside him. I'm positive I look insane, with my hair all frizzy and this stupid nightgown. It even had ruffled cuffs and collar that were poking out of the hoodie.

I should have altered it when I bought it. It was just so snug.

"I heard you," Jasper looks down. "I didn't expect you to follow me."

"Neither did I," I reply. "It was a spur-of-the-moment decision." He's here. Right here, with me, and there are no witnesses, no nosy adults eavesdropping, and… just the two of us.

Jasper looks younger up-close. More fragile, like he's being held together by luck and determination, and the next terrible thing could tear him open. He somehow looks more and less human, sitting beside me trying not to look at me.

"Why are you here?" I asked quietly, tucking my hands inside my sleeves. "I just… want to know why you've been creeping around the roof of my house without saying anything."

And suddenly the daisy in the water glass on my nightstand makes sense. We didn't have any blooming daisies, but it could have easily been snuck in by a supernatural guest.

"I didn't want to scare you," he says after a pause. "I just wanted to make sure you were safe."

"You didn't scare me. It's just easier to get to know someone when you talk to them," I span to face him, crossing my legs to keep them under my nightgown - it was cold on the roof. "And I am safe. Most things that come through this area don't venture into town. They don't want to risk being caught."

"No, that's… I was worried your people were upset at the last two meetings," Jasper looks at me. "Mad at you."

"Oh!" I sit back. "No, no one would hurt me. Just a lot of yelling and house arrest. Freddie said that having my jeans ruined by lamia puke was worse than any punishment he could think up."

"You had a bruise on your face at the meeting. It's gone now." Jasper sounded uncertain and it was a strange tone for this stoic guy to use. Both times we had met, he had seemed like a half-wild creature, something much older and more dangerous than I could comprehend. In my visions, there was an energy to him - serious but affectionate and he had this energy about him, almost a playfulness around me. But here and now, he was ill-at-ease but trying desperately to keep it together.

"I fainted in the prep room," I said. "I hit my head. No one is hurting me, Jasper, I promise."

His shoulders relaxed an infinitesimal amount. "I shouldn't be here," he murmured. "Rose is going to kill me. They all told me to stay away from you until Carlisle met with them."

"We don't have to tell them. It can just be our secret," I say quickly, and the way he looks at me is something that I could get used to. I just want to reach out and touch him - push his hair off his face, or run my fingers over the thin scar on his cheek.

"You don't have to protect me," he said. "It's my fault."

"I want to." I want to touch your hair, I want to curl up in your lap, I want to kiss you.

"You're very young," he said doubtfully, but I could hear the waver in his voice.

"I'm nearly seventeen." Roughly, at least. "And we can take it slowly; get to know each other." My inner voice was having a hissy-fit; I needed to encourage him to get closer, not to negotiate some slow trickle to 'friendship'. I had an appointment with this boy on the gurney downstairs, and not the kind that required formaldehyde.

I could almost feel the uncertainty rolling off Jasper.

"Is anyone going to hurt you?" I asked softly. None of the Cullens looked like they would be into violence, but I had also seen the headlock that Emmett Cullen had put Jasper in when he had approached me the first time.

"No, no. The Cullens are good people. None of them know how to fight at all," he says. "I just… they did a lot for me. Do a lot for me. I don't want to make things difficult."

"And I'm difficult?"

He chuckles. "I couldn't have seen you coming in a hundred lifetimes." He looks directly at me. They don't want me to hurt you."

//

Getting off the roof is a lot scarier than going up, I realise as I lean over to sort of scramble down to the guttering. It looks a lot more like a fall that could do some serious harm from this angle. But there's no other way to get down from here, and if I get cut up on the roof tiles, there's a first aid kit in the bathroom.

And a vampire watching me with a frown.

As I crawl backwards - it seems like a good idea to go back down facing the roof - my right clog slips right off my foot, rolling down the roof, bouncing off the guttering and landing in the flowerbed below. I gasp as soon as I lose it, instinctively reaching over to grab it, and the only thing that stops me from following it to the ground is that suddenly Jasper has a fistful of my hoodie, hurling me back up next to him.

"Alice!" It was the most reaction I think I've ever gotten out of him - horrified and exasperated, looking at me like I had just dangled myself over a lions' pit. I would've been fine; I'd fallen out of the tree next to us once when I was younger - I had had grand plans for a Victorian treehouse I could access through my window, and had hauled up planks of wood for the flooring but failed to remember to secure them to the tree. A broken arm (that had healed cleanly in two weeks), fourteen stitches in my head, and a concussion had been the result. å

I'm expecting Jasper to scold me, to read me the riot act of being an idiot - both Freddie and Sue had yelled at me for forgetting to think in the past, and Dulcie usually told me that I didn't have the sense God gave a jellyfish, but he's staring at me, his hand still clenched in the fabric of my hoodie.

"I didn't mean to scare you," I said tentatively.

"You need to be more careful," Jasper said flatly, his voice devoid of emotion. "I can't… you can't get hurt, okay?"

I watch him, watch the play of emotions ripple across his face - frustration, worry, shame, and something I can't decipher.

"I'll be careful," I said, my voice soft and apologetic. "But can you lift me down? I don't think I can get back down by myself."

He looks at me, stunned - I keep surprising this boy - and he nods. Gingerly, I stand up; I am on the roof of a three story building, and the flat space isn't exactly huge. Jasper stands easily, releasing my hoodie to move closer, his arms extended to catch me if I slip.

"Are you ready?" he asks, and I nod.

I'm not sure what I expect, but all of a sudden, I'm swept into a bridal carry. My arms automatically wrap around his neck, and for a second we're just looking at each other. It's ridiculous and corny and cliche, but that's it. There was no stopping this from happening from the very second that I saw him in the woods, but this moment, with his arms cradling me so carefully, this is the moment that I know that Jasper Cullen is my future.

"Ready." I sound a little breathless, even to my own ears. I'm also not expecting to be freefalling for a split second, enough that my head is spinning and I gasp for air. I have no idea the exact jump he made, how he managed it, but in two seconds Jasper is setting me on my feet inside of my bedroom.

I ruin it by half falling backwards onto my bed, disorientated.

"Are you okay? I made sure your neck was supported?" he asked, immediately looming over me.

"It was so fast," I gasped, sitting up again. "How did you get us both through the window?" I thought of the weird little seal-wiggle I'd had to manage to get through on my own.

"Jumped," he answers, still inspecting me.

"I'm okay," I reassure him. "My neck's fine." That makes him relax, and I am once again intrigued by what he knows of humans, what he remembers of humanity.

"You need to get some sleep," he says, standing straight but keeping his eyes on the floor.

"Thank you for getting me off the roof, Jasper," I say, managing to stand up. Feeling bold, I reach out and grab his hand to squeeze it. "Maybe you can come by again?"

He looks at our joined hands and nods slowly. "I can come back." It almost sounds like he's asking a question.

//

I roll over the next morning, still in the hoodie. My window is open a crack, and there's feeble sunshine peering from behind the curtains that I've left knotted up.

And balanced on my window sill, with a little blue flower picked from the lawn resting on the toe, was my missing shoe.

[yardsards]

"i don't ship laios and marcille-" oh yeah same, their relationship is so much more compelling to me viewed through a platonic lens than a romantic one

"-like, marcille clearly hates laios" are we reading/watching the same series??? did you just stop after the first couple chapters??? look at their relationship development, that's her friend! her bestie, even!!!

[egophiliac]

Hello ! I positively adore the running joke of Idia unknowingly finding Lilia to be the coolest guy ever whenever he doesn't know it's him, like when Silver described his father, or obviously with muscle red. I can't say what'd be funnier, Idia finding out his online best friend is actually Lilia, resident spooky hyper fairy; or them both never finding out, and it'd become even more ridiculous as time goes on. How do you think it'll play out ? You're always so on point

(Also, though it makes sense, I'm still devastated bat boy didn't get a ticket for the Halloween skeleton train : ( does anyone mentions him at some point ? Like how he'd have fit right in with all those Halloween town little freaks, and how he'd have impressed them with his spooks and scared techniques; after all he's been every Briar Valley's children worst fear on Halloween for centuries. I'm on the eng server and I didn't wanna spoil myself by watching the whole thing on youtube)

Have a nice day !

you and me both, Idia and Lilia being oblivious online BFFs (+ Idia being incredibly intimidated any time Silver brings up his jock gamer dad) is my favorite running joke/subplot. 🤝 it's SO good, to the point where I also am unsure if I actually want it to ever be resolved or not...maybe, like, as a post-canon stinger or something? everyone's standing around covered in overblot ink, and Idia and Lilia's phones go off at the same time...

(legit I do think this is part of why Idia couldn't be present for Lilia's dream, because for some reason Lilia decided he was going to just. embody his past self online. he probably quotes his own battle strategies or whatever in the middle of boss fights. Idia didn't pick up on the whole "oh how weird that we both live on a super remote island" thing, but he would spend thirty seconds listening to General Lilia describing siege warfare and be like "w-wait")

all that aside, however it does end up happening, I do see Lilia being very blasé and all "oh! cool!" about it. y'know, taking it very much in stride! and Idia...very much not.

(can't tell if tumblr is going to chew this into illegibility or not, this will be a fun surprise ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ)

as for Lilia sadly missing out on Halloweentown shenanigans...he does get one little mention as part of an offhand reference to the light music club, but so far no one has brought up how this basically is just Lost In the Book of Liliatown (Sebek's been too busy yelling about not getting to be in the same group as Malleus). 😔 honestly though, it's probably for the best that he got left out, because he would just settle right in and refuse to ever leave. canon would shatter. we would miss out on all the delightful angst of episode 7 because Lilia is too busy eating poisonous shrubbery inbetween practicing his very best screams, and no one can pull him away from it.

(I can hope for a sequel next year though...)

[twinkubus]

Bound Man by John Singer Sargent, c. 1917-21

[cringefail-clown]

been thinking about no-sburb/alternia escapees au

[satans-knitwear]

It may have been accidental, but i think someone irl asked me out for a drink 😱😻Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me

[skateboardtotheheart]

there is just something about the difference between edwin's love interests and having the cat king's reaction to edwin in hell being "i'll be waiting when he gets back" vs charles "no version of this where i don't come get you" rowland convincing a powerful trans-dimensional being to open a door to hell just so he could get him back

i am insane

[vaguely-concerned]

So much of Garak as a person starts to make sense once you know his childhood was a fucking gothic novel. His main playground was a graveyard and he'd play pretend by perfoming improv eulogies to an imagined audience. For a long time his main touchstone for most important figures from recent history is 'oh yeah I know about that guy my dad buried him. great flower arrangements for that one'. He finds out later his 'parents' are actually a brother and sister who had to get married to avoid the utter shame and social devastation of having a child born out of wedlock, and they live in the basement of his biological father's house. (the madwoman in the attic vs. the tiny elim in the basement.) His biological father calls himself his uncle and locks him in a closet whenever he fails to live up to his insane and unpredictable expectations and everyone just has to act like that's normal and expected, and his will hangs over everything at all times, unseen but always felt keener than anything else. The father who actually raised him grows the world's most beautiful (and as it turns out, most poisonous) orchids and keeps the mask of a god hidden in a box in his work shed. Everyone in the house is choking down secrets like it's the only air they know how to breathe anymore.

What I'm saying is that right from the get-go this guy never had the faintest shot at turning out normal, so I'm glad that by middle age he's found a way to get a bit silly with it as he continues to be deeply deeply not normal about anything ever <3

[alfheimr]

clown4clown

[linkcharacter]

Oh I have so many thoughts on aroace Curly, I think it brings so much on the table when analyzing the game's story.

Amanormativity ties in with the reoccurring mentions of the nuclear family, from Wrong Organ making 1950s mock advert posters, to Swansea talking about how getting a wife and kids didn't bring him any fulfillment in life.

In the cake cutting nightmare sequence, where Jimmy talks with Dream Curly about the mediocre cake, Dream Curly begins to talk about how sometimes you can only get the subpar stuff in live. Sometimes he'll get promoted, buy a house, fall in love. But other times he'll just have some awful fucking cake with his friend.

I think there is that subtle implication that Jimmy does buy into Amanormativity, with him projecting his beliefs on Dream Curly that a platonic relationship is lesser then a romantic one. But we never see Curly suggesting that he wants such a thing in the pre-crash.

With Jimmy thinking that Curly has everything in life, except for the desire (although I think Jimmy would view it as Curly not having the skills for it) to get a romantic partner, he would heavily lean into getting the one thing that Curly couldn't get in life to one up him.

THATS EXACTLY WHAT IM THINKING!!! AMATONORMATIVITY BE DAMNED!!!!

Looking at Mouthwashing through an aroace lens is interesting

"Jimmy thinking that Curly has everything in life, except for the desire", well said, well said! And references to the nuclear family fit in very cleanly thematically for Mouthwashing.

Jimmy leaning into amatonormativity is a smart observation. Jim internalizes all the social norms and standards on what you have to do to have a normal and desirable life, who sees everything Curly has and what Jimmy wishes he had, and is offended that Curly isn't satisfied, that he has the "audacity" to be unhappy. Curly meanwhile only wishes for his life to be something he doesn't have to run from, because by all means, he has already reached a point where he should feel accomplished, but isn't. Curly doesn't want to be a freighter captain his whole life, he doesn't want to settle with his sustainable position, he just wants to be happy. Like Swansea who has reached the "ideal" outcome of his life, having a wife, kids and a good career, it will never feel as good as embracing all what society deems undesirable yet right for you.

Jimmy does imply to seeing himself as lesser as a friend, "fall in love" being a goal and a "cake with a friend" being something he "has to settle for", it's all in the subtleties with underlying themes of "what you're "supposed to want" by society's expectations" against "what feels right for you". Jimmy is frustrated that Curly is going to "leave the dirt behind him", when in actuality, letting the crew and him go is the last thing Curly wants. Curly wants to be with his friends, he deeply cares about his crew, and about his close friend.

Mouthwashing as a whole reads to me as platonic through and through. Swansea and Daisuke having such a meaningful familial bond, Curly and Anya being sweet, playful and caring without romance, Anya and Daisuke having something of a siblings dynamic are dear to me. Also it's really rare to get to see representations of "toxic friendship" in media. Its always toxic romance this, toxic yaoi that, toxic family there, however in reality, friendships aren't excluded from being as rotten and abusive as the others, yet they're often overlooked. Jim and Curly are especially unique in this way. It's very impressive how they managed to showcase Jimmy's mistreatment of Curly in such a platonic way (at least that how I read it). Jim too, like Curly, in general avoids hints at romance and attraction explicitly related to him during his gameplay, not with Curly, nor with Anya (dear god thanks for that at least). It's all spite, annoyance and parasitizing off of these two. (That man's dry and lowkey hates everyone and everything) No attraction attached, no desires except hoping it hurts.

Curly to me is very much aroace, or at least on the spectrum. Like, the trivia fact that one of Curly's fondest memories is that of his friends putting in effort to make a shitty awful cake, tells us all we need to know on how dear his friends are to him. Platonic relationships mean so much to Curly, even when it's Jimmy fucking Mouthwashing, the worst friend ever imaginable.

[crabsnpersimmons]

OHHH

Eclipseeeeee

I can give my.. my-

whole me

if you

still

peckish ;)

sorry not sorry

Eclipse: my my! all for me? a treat just for me? it must be my lucky day!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Average Drama Enjoyer observes some peak drama.

[unpersoniverse]

Skén:nen sá:sewh

as promised, here's Precious boy™ getting kissed by Precious wife™ because he deserves all the love in the world :cc

translation: Get home safe

[f1-stuff]

Did carlos also used the friend word? Do you know when?

Hi, so I actually compiled some links mostly for myself, but also for you and anyone else interested. See below the cut!

Times Charles has referred to Carlos as a "friend":

'He has obviously become a friend.'

‘We were already good friends before we joined Ferrari.'

'We have a very special relationship. I mean, we are obviously friends outside the track as well. We are sharing good moments. We spend so much time - I mean, I see Carlos more than my own family...'

'He's a super nice guy, he's super easy to get on with and, uh- straight away we understood that we had a lot of interest outside racing in common. And now I can call him a friend, outside of racing.' (newest instance, at the end of their teammate era...)

Times Carlos has referred to Charles as a "friend":

'My teammate and I are friends off the track, we get along very well and we have a very good relationship. And we make a very good team. I think that if there is something that worked and works in Ferrari, it is the two drivers...' (translated from Spanish)

'We've been teammates for four years. There's been barely any situation where we've had a contact, or we had a misunderstanding. And even if we've had them, we've always moved on and we've always remained friends and had a really good relationship." (at the end of their teammate era...)

This is just what I could track down, but if anyone knows of others let me know!

Carlos has spoken about how he and charles get along very well, but that it's hard for him (and other drivers) to truly be friends with their teammates bc they're always so competitive with each other, and there's so much pressure to beat one another. ("Friend is a strong word that I don’t like using for anything or anyone.") And combine that with what we know about how, as a kid, he was surprised by other kids he thought were his friends running him off track and out of the race, we can see how much weight he applies to the 'friend' label.

To Carlos, I think a 'friend' is someone that a part of his brain would hesitate to race too hard against, and he can't let that happen with his teammate, who he wants and needs to beat more than anyone. He can afford to maybe leave Lando or Alonso a little more space on track bc he values his relationship with them as friends, and they're not currently his teammates. But he can't let himself have that relationship with Charles, or, for that matter, Alex next season.

Will he be able to say that he and Charles are friends more readily next year when they aren't teammates any longer? I think so. That was certainly the case with Lando. But I also think his relationship with Lando was a bit different - Lando was almost like a little brother to him. With Charles, he's more firmly a peer, and I think that hyper-competitiveness between them may always linger, right up until they aren't racing eo anymore, maybe especially bc their partnership was cut short before either could win a championship as teammates.

Time will tell, but it's clear that they already view their time together very fondly. They've spoken plainly about 'hating each other' inside the helmet when they've battled and disagreed, but that they always make up after two minutes. It's beautiful that they can always come back to the respect they have for one another. It's a unique relationship, and I look forward to seeing how it evolves in the years to come. ❤️

[vidapon]

currently dinking faves from different media together. for enrichment

[morii-moth]

"this is me on day one of NO rendog !!"