#modern takes

[marzipanandminutiae]

"hey why are all the barrier garments like linen shirts or chemises or combinations going away?"

"oh we have more washable fabrics now! you don't need to worry about sweat reaching your outer clothing when you can just chuck it in the washing machine!"

"cool!"

[100 years later]

"so uh all of those new washable fabrics are leaching microplastics into our water, and the constant machine-washing wears garments out faster. they're also not really sturdy enough to be mended, so we keep having to throw them out and now the planet is covered in plastic fabric waste that will never break down. also it turns out that the new washable fabrics hold odor-causing bacteria VERY well. so could we get those barrier garments back please?"

"sorry babe linen now costs $100000/yard and since it's been so long without them, nobody knows how to adapt barrier garments to the current styles anyway"

"..."

"maybe try this new $50 undershirt made of Special Sweat-Wicking Plastic Fabric! :) :) :)"

[abakedpotatoefromidaho]

Revamping the K98K 8mm mauser rifle

[orbitganymede]

self proclaimed guard dog simon who’s never held a conversation with you or even really tried to interact with you at all. he had caught a glimpse of you out on the town and traced you back to your current job, lucky for him, on base. you’re a little freaked out, this mammoth of a man randomly shows up one day and pulls a chair up to your desk, takes out a book and just hangs out for a few hours? even leaves an extra lighter for his cigs in your pen holder. introductions were a quick back and forth on names and that’s about it, sometimes he comments on your clothes or jewelry, he saw your dainty little chain on your neck and purchased an S charm the next day, left it on your desk and that was that. you really shouldn’t be okay with this but he’s kinda intriguing, and the guy that has the office next to yours hasn’t bothered you in weeks, something you’ve been begging for mentally, so really what’s simon doing wrong? he sometimes even brings you a stray pudding cup from the mess, how sweet.

but what really gets you is when you’ve just got in your car, setting your things down, buckling your seat belt, the works, but simon slides in your passenger seat, gives you a look (his eyes look so pretty in the sunlight) and tells you to “take us home”, you’re nervous to say the least, you heard what happened to janet in admin when she told him one of his stacks of paperwork was filed wrong, that she wasn’t gonna take his next one until he fixed his mistake (she’d left crying, cursing his name to high hell, and asking for a transfer) so really what choice do you have.

and maybe he walks into your place, goes straight for where you always store your remote and turns on the channel you like to watch, almost as if he’s seen this routine before, he even asks what face mask you’re gonna do tonight, you wonder how he guessed that you do a face mask every friday night (he suggests the blueberry charcoal one, says it makes your skin glowy (he did not use the word glowy)) you shrug and go on with your nightly tasks, make dinner, do dishes, shower. but what actually makes you stop in your tracks is when he walks out of the bathroom, still steamed up from his shower, butt ass naked and asks you what your favorite position is, pet.

[amygdalae]

i think what people tend to forget is that laughing at modern art also counts as having a dialogue with it. like as long as you're respectful of the museum space and whatnot. you are under no obligation to take any of it seriously. when i go to a modern art museum I do engage with every piece and read the blurb and think deeply/discuss its intention and its execution but it doesnt stop me from having a giggle at the ones i think are stupid. often the artist is equally aware that it may be stupid. sometimes that's the point also. it's fun!

[toxooz]

🧠: waiter! more König with his beefy hangs out for no explainable reason

[menlove]

the problem w modern sci fi is there's no camp. would you ever see a man dressed like this in 2024 star trek? no

a woman dressed like this?

what about these guys?

what about this crime?

meanwhile modern trek just looks like this

WHERE is the cunt! the camp! the garish colors!

[ash-and-starlight]

oh my god no way..,the lion,,,, is homosexual ,, 🫢

happy lunar new year! did you know that despite what wikipedia says the lion dance is a relatively recent practice, and was in fact invented in @ranilla-bean’s fic Pride of Place? click the link for more fun facts!

[redstuffs-ig]

Quick tip for Star Wars modern au writers! If you're not sure how to use him in your story, write Grievous as Dooku's weird pet gecko for which Obi-Wan holds an immeasurable amount of contempt. Anakin just thought he'd be bigger.

[helcef]

Happy pride from 141

You cant tell me gaz isn’t the most bisexual guy ever

[marvelmaniac715]

I like to think that Doctor Who from the Master's perspective could be called 'One Man's Quest To Get His Spouse To Come Back Home And Abandon His Massive Ant Colony'. Everything is so much funnier if you picture the Master being absolutely baffled at the Doctor defending Earth, because he's borderline immortal whilst humans die so quickly - killing a human is like stepping on a spider, and the Doctor is the guy who swoops in with a cup and paper to move the spider outside even if the decision seems nonsensical. I like to reframe the Master's attempts to take over the universe as him desperately asking the Doctor "we could get a dog? Or a cat? Or adopt? Are the ants really worth it, you have no other hobbies".

[lsbnfinn]

warmth :)

[reds-skull]

I really should draw Soap more with his red mask, as you all can tell I love it

[drawerbread]

silly goobers just in time for lesbian visibility week! forever grateful to tlt & its fandom for helping me be more comfortable with my own sexuality and gender identity🗡️

[canisalbus]

✦ Cockroach ✦

[eldritch-ace]

I too think he deserves a kwagatama

[whateveriwant]

Please don't kill me for this sjhsklalfsjdskh

Simon Riley sex on legs this. Simon Riley rock your world that. What about Simon Riley who's bad at sex, huh? What about clumsy, inexperienced Simon? What about awkward, all thumbs, ‘Fuckin’ Christ, even animals know how to do this’ Simon? Hmmmm??? Why don't you chew on that for a bit?

Simon who almost breaks both your noses as he leans in too eagerly to kiss you. Simon who has no clue how to sext, so you're left with a string of incomprehensible horny emojis you have to decipher like it's the Rosetta Stone. Simon who uses so much lube you’d think his dick’s made of sandpaper. Simon who watches a little porn to work on his “technique”, and ends up adopting the cringy bits of dialogue into his own speech. Simon who tries opening the condom wrapper with his teeth, only to tear through the latex itself, twice. Simon who doesn't even attempt to hide the little pfft pfft he does after he gets one of your pubic hairs stuck in his mouth. Simon who keeps accidentally slipping out of you, and then missing every time he tries to re-enter. Simon who cums after only six and a half strokes in, because you just feel that good wrapped around him. Simon who changes his pace right as you're about to finish, none the wiser as he ruins your orgasm. Simon whose sense of rhythm can only be described as that of a deaf monkey banging on a set of drums.

Simon who doesn't really know what he's doing when it comes to sex, but that isn't the point. What matters is not that he's bad in bed, but that he wants to get better. For you. With you.