#moderately half baked but it is okay

[neotheater-kid]

uuu*whispering*

anyone wanna

HEAR ABOUT MY JAKE AND AMIR AUs I have so many

[chaos0pikachu]

okay so if I don't talk about the kinnporsche side story I will literally combust b/c they didn't need to give us that they didn't NEED to give us this little youtube up short that spanned the spectrum of chaotic human emotion as a stop gap between one of the best episodes of the series and the hyper escalation to flowers in the attic-ville where the lamps have chains okay but they did and bless them for it cause like

first off you have porsche who's given up his chance at something of a normal life with his sunshine kitten of a baby brother walking around the hospital ass out b/c KINN GOT SHOT FOR HIM like fucking what porsche is like welp he's earned that bussy now and tankhun is like OMG MY BABY BROTHER IS DEAD crying in Arm's arms and porsche is like OMG KINN DIED and tankhun is like no you dumb pretty bitch he's dead to me spiritally for being an in love idiot but porsche is already half way down the hall heart pounding b/c his self sacrificing big dicked mafia daddy just bit it only to then see kinn is alive and breathing if moderately a pin cushion only to

THEN be confronted by Vegas wearing this summers best Second Lead in a K-Drama Couture look flowers at the ready like omg porsche I am but a sweet and loving man, holding out flowers, hoping another man, will love me back did you know these mean longing? friendship? unrequited love?? and porsche is like, wtf who's giving flowers meaning seems like a waste of time and money to me rich ppl are so weird meanwhile kinn's "someone's after porsche's baked booty" senses start tingling waking him up from the morphine b/c drugs will NOT keep him away from his man and is like "vegas you whore" and vegas is like "kinn your alive (derogatory)" and kinn's like "take back your fake ass cheap ass dollar store flowers" and vegas is like "see porsche, see what I go through? the hardships that are my life??" and it's just elevator music in porsche's head just full on disassociation at this point b/c why are all these hot dangerous men hitting on him all the time he's just trying to make a living out here

and then kinn's like I got shot cuddle me pls and porsche is like only b/c I don't want the ghosts to eat my ass and kinn is like me either cause that's my job and they cuddle while the music swells and that video has 6.5 MILLION VIEWS EVERY ONE EARNED

[changingplumbob]

Villareal: Chapter 6, Part 4

Devin and Luna finish their date while Joey has a night on the town.

CW: Moderate sim spice. Content Warning Guide

Luna and Devin use some German and Italian. Amore (Italian) Love Schatz (German) Treasure

Devin: I love seeing you happy

Luna: Me to schatz. Now, do we need to do anything about the dollhouse

Devin: I fixed it

Luna: Yes but Rilian lied to me about it and Alfred smashed it in the first place

Devin: I guess we’ll need to talk to them about lying eventually but I don’t want to be too hard, after all he was only trying to cover for his brother. The destructive toddler is more tricky

Luna: Lies and cheating are normal for kids their age I suppose. And if I think, it’s unlikely Alfred means the destruction maliciously

Devin: We can afford to replace whatever he breaks but I don’t think that’s a good way to raise him long term. When will they be able to understand consequences

Luna: They’re old enough to start noticing cause and effect but consequences don’t make sense unless they immediately follow the action so… not yet

Devin: I’m so glad I got a smart wife

Luna: It’s basic developmental psychology

Devin: Amore mio, nothing about you is basic

Luna: *laughs* Thank you

The waiter returns, placing their ordered food and drinks in front of them.

Devin: This looks good! Not as good as your placemat but still

Luna: I guess it’s time to see if they are any good here

Devin: I don’t know, that host could use some practice at her role

Luna: Maybe she’s just nervous talking to all the celebrities

Devin: Maybe. She could take some acting classes though, I mean this is Del Sol Valley. There’s so many actors here, how did one of them not get hired

Luna: Not sure, maybe they were afraid of the indoor pools

Devin: What, the fountains?

Luna: They’re too deep for fountains I think. Plus over there some patrons are actually jumping in

Devin: *raises glass* To those brave enough to pack swimwear under formal wear

Luna bursts into a fit of giggles and the pair take turns having a bite off each other’s plates.

Devin: This is not as great as it looks. It looks so good but the flavour is just… not here

Luna: You sure that’s not just your refined palate talking

Devin: Amore, far more than my palate is refined

Luna: It’s your own fault really for making excellent pasta

Devin: And you and Joey for making excellent baking

Luna: Oh, that reminds me, when you were out on your run the twins were playing with their food truck stuff, it was adorable

Devin: Aww! Did you take a photo

Luna: Better, I got a video

Devin: Yes! Show it to me when we’re home okay? I don’t see any of my friends with cameras but you can never be too sure

Luna: Are the paparazzi our friends

Devin: They agree not to post any photos of the kids so I’d say so. You know some places there are no social norms against it

Luna: Really?

Devin: Yeah. Some paparazzi will battle it out for shots of babies and toddlers to put in magazines. Some places have had to make it illegal to take photos of a minor. Thank the watcher Del Sol Valley is not that kind of place

The pair finish up their meal, pay their bill and get set to head home. Technically they still have Joey on babysitting for another half hour. They decide to sneak to their bedroom for some alone time before Joey hands back the twins to enjoy his Saturday night.

Having browsed the profiles in the area Joey has found one he’s intrigued by. As normal he only goes for profiles of women that indicate they don’t want anything serious or long term. This one is a bit older than the average women he’s with, but something about her makes him accept the match and agree to meet at the local nightclub.

Joey: Marianna?

Marianna: Joey? I didn’t think you’d be as young as your profile picture. Most people on here use an older photo. I once had a “35 year old” who turned out to be 50!

Joey: I hope I’m an improvement. You look every bit as good as your picture

Marianna: Flattery will get you everywhere. Although I am surprised you accepted my match, I figured I’d be too old for you

Joey: Age is just a number, normally one not too tied to experience

Marianna: *laughs* Well I’ve certainly had experience

Joey: I’ll do my best to keep up

Marianna laughs as a blush spreads across her cheeks. For a moment Joey wonders if it’s all of her that has blushed as she almost looks like she’s in a pink haze. That idea seems to be pushed from his mind as soon as he thinks it though. He shakes his head to try get his bearings back.

Joey: Marianna, we are at a nightclub. Would you care to dance?

Marianna: I’d love to

The pair head inside and Joey feels himself relax. He’s a bro, places like this are a second home for him. Initially the two dance around each other but following a few drinks Marianna pulls Joey over to one of the small loveseats surrounding the floor to give him a dance of his own. Joey thinks she’s glowing in these lights, and again that though disappears as quickly as it appeared.

Marianna: Forget small talk, let’s find somewhere quieter

Joey: Are you sure? We could go back to my place

Marianna: No, I don’t want to wait that long

There’s plenty of small pockets of space snaking off the dancefloor and Joey and Marianna find one that’s quiet but where they can still hear the beat of the DJ booth. Marianna pulls her top off and Joey stares at her chest in delight. Before he can make a move however she jerks his chin up and looks him in the eyes. He feels his mind sharpen.

Marianna: Are you okay with us doing this

Joey finds himself thinking back on his past hook ups, few of which could be called conventional. Yeah, he wants to do this. He’s just about to start explaining that he’s aromantic and absolutely consents when Marianna smiles and leans in to kiss him deeply and passionately. Almost like she’s read his mind. The focus goes away and again he’s swept up in his desire.

Joey is glad of the chance to feel her properly. Despite the age starting to show on her face she obviously kept herself fit.

Joey: You are beautiful

Marianna: And you are hard

She presses down firmly causing him to jerk up in response. Watcher he wants her so bad. As if in a dream he watches her undress fully and finds himself wondering if they’ll be seen, but again that thought vanishes. Marianna removes his pants and Joey is glad to find himself unconstricted as she turns and slides on to him. Joey thinks all kinds of words that his parents would scold him for using as she moves herself back and forth. All he can utter however are moans, getting more and more lost in the moment. He opens his eyes at the change in pressure only to see Marianna smiling between his legs. When she’s finished Joey pulls her in for a kiss. Before he can thank her he feels his senses dull and his vision go black.

Hi friends! You may be confused but since it's a semi cliff hanger I'd just like to assure you Joey consented to that woohoo and he is not going to get assaulted in the next part so... try not to freak out even though he's unconscious.

Previous ... Next

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in - August 7th, 2023 🎀

So, it's been an emotional last two weeks. Mental illness is never a fun thing. I slipped off from taking my meds and as a result became inconsistent with my goals and daily routines. I felt powerless to myself. I stayed in bed as much as possible, cried constantly, and had no energy for even the simplest of tasks.

But, I'm feeling better, and I even accomplished some of my goals/daily habits today! I managed to begin taking my meds again, and am still in contact with my therapist. I'm bound to have rough days, rough weeks, and even rough months. I just remind myself that it's okay to feel these rough moments for what they are, but to not let it make me spiral or keep me held down. I believe in my ability to care for myself, and listen to my current needs when I am in a depressive state as I have been. There's nothing wrong with low energy days. There's nothing wrong with needing a break. There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. 🩷

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Breakfast - Was not feeling it today but needed to eat for my medication, so I had three hashbrown patties with some ketchup. And, of course, a cup of coffee.

Lunch - A delicious turkey and cheddar lunchable with one serving of lightly salted cashews. The lighter the lunch, the less tired I am when I get off my lunch break.

Dinner - I ordered some domino's pizza and cheesy bread because I was craving it, only ate 2 slices of both but it was sooo good and now I have leftovers!

Snacks - One cup of coffee after I got off work and a few bites of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream, which is currently my favorite ice cream.

Water ~ not enough, I made the mistake of forgetting a reusable water bottle when I went to work, so I didn't really start drinking water until like, 10am.

It's not my cleanest, healthiest, or best eating day, but I'm happy that I listened to what I wanted. Not every day will be like this, and that's okay. Moderation and balance are key <3

🩷 Workouts - Pilate Abs

Again, I love this one to start of my ab day! arts easy enough for my little plus sized self to accomplish and makes me feel proud for even attempting thus video and completing a workout!

I also love this one by Madeleine as well, her workout videos honestly just click with me and I am here for it! This one wasn't completed fully as I have a bit of trouble completing plank exercises, but as I continue to build strength and better my form, I know I'll get to a point where they will become easier

🩷 Habits I Accomplished Today -

Made my bed

Morning workout

Morning and Night Skincare

Morning guided journal

For my first day back on routine I'd say this is a win! Being able to complete any of my goals and habits for the day is definitely a good thing, and I'm proud of myself for accomplishing what I have today.

🩷 Song of the Day: Cake - ITZY

SHAKE IT SHAKE SHAKE IT SHAKE BUSS IT UP BUSS IT UP

My girl Yuna did so good in this song, and all of their outfits are cute and the energy is there and they all look so happy and this song makes me want to get up and dance. I may or may not be trying to learn Yuna's lil dance part....it's so satisfying to watch!!

That's all for today! Pretty proud of the way things have gone, and hopeful that tomorrow will also be a nice day for me. It feels good to be posting again!! I missed this <3

Til tomorrow, lovelies!!

[ralith]

Kiss Roulette 14: a Kiss to the stomach for Humanformers Retired Trio

Sorry for the wait! I hope this is fluffy and sweet enough to satiate even Ironhide's sweet tooth.

--

"You know, this isn't how I wanted to die," Ironhide moaned painfully, rolling onto his back in hopes of easing the agony. "But if I meet my end tonight, I'm glad your face will be the last thing I see."

Ratchet gazed down into those pained eyes of the soldier laying across his lap. His own stare was hardened.

"You're not dying, fool. You just ate too much cake and now you're paying for it."

"It's my birthday. I can eat what I want."

"Just because you turned fifty-nine doesn't mean you should eat fifty-nine hundred calories in one sitting!"

"I reduced the sugar content in the strawberry filling," Optimus called out from kitchen where he was cleaning up from their dinner.

"Okay, so it's closer to fifty-seven hundred calories." Ratchet rolled his eyes. This was why they rarely kept pie or cake in the house aside from special occasions. The temptation to consume it all was too great for the old warrior. Keeping icing alone in the house was bad enough. Ratchet had one time walked in on Ironhide having a midnight snack of cookies that was he smearing with cake icing like cheese on crackers.

"C'mon doc," Ironhide stretched and shimmied up further so his stomach was settled more prominently atop Ratchet's lap.  "Your beloved husband is in agony. Don't you care?"

"You. Did. This. To. Yourself." Ratchet jabbed a finger into Ironhide's side with each word. The soldier responded with an annoyed grunt.

"Optimus! Ratchet isn't giving me the sympathy and adoration I deserve on my birthday!"

There was a chuckle from the kitchen and Optimus stood in the doorway, toweling off his hands.

"Are you antagonizing our birthday boy?"

"Optimus, he ate half of a cake large enough for ten people."

"Well," the older man began, tossing the towel onto the table and joining his husbands in the living room, sitting on the floor between Ratchet's legs. "I take Ironhide's enthusiastic consumption as a compliment, given I baked the cake. Now, it's Ironhide's birthday. Let him enjoy it how he wants. Instead, we should think of some way to ease our dear husband's suffering." Optimus gave Ratchet a playful, pleading look. "Do you have any suggestions?"

Ratchet glanced between the faces of his lovers and knew he wasn't going to win this battle. It was Ironhide's big day. He could ease up and let the soldier enjoy the rest of his day.

"Well, there is one technique I know of. But it's experimental at best and the success rate is only moderate."

"Oh, I'd do anything for our husband. What is this technique?"

Ratchet smirked and hooked a finger beneath the hem of Ironhide's shirt, pulling it over the man's torso until it bunched up at his neck.

"Belly kisses," Ratchet stated matter-of-factly. The doctor dragged his fingers through the thick, dark trail of hair that covered the warrior's chest and stomach and dipped further south. He scraped his nails lightly against the skin as he went. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Ironhide's toes curl.

"That treatment sounds excessive for a low success rate, but if that's what you recommend..." Optimus moved to a kneeling position. He brought one hand to hook behind Ratchet's knee, and the other to rest on Ironhide's chest, where he rubbed and kneaded the well-toned pecs while he dipped his head to meet the soldier's belly.

He kissed the warrior like he was worshipping the other man, exploring the rising and falling expanse like it was the first time tasting him. Teeth and tongue worked over each scar marking old injuries, and Optimus's hot breath left Ironhide groaning at the sensation and clutching the couch.

While Ironhide squirmed and Optimus sucked reddened marks into the soft mound, Ratchet watched the two, relaxing back into the sofa. He occupied himself by tracing the zig-zagging stretchmarks that decorated the soldier's sides and lower stomach. He followed each one as if drawing a map on the warrior's body.

Ironhide was in heaven. No longer did he feel the dull ache in his gut, now approaching over-stimulation by the lips and fingers that teased him. Could every birthday end like this?

"How are you feeling, love?" Optimus exhaled hot against his skin.

"Better, but...," Ironhide ground out.

"If you're not feeling completely healed, I know one other course of treatment." Ratchet brushed the knuckles of his free hand along Ironhide's cheek and jaw while the other tugged teasingly at the waist of his pants.

"I think I know what you're proposing, Ratchet," Optimus smirked. "But isn't that treatment highly invasive and...intimate?"

"Extremely. But the succes rate is much higher if we work as a team. Can I borrow your hands for this?"

"You can have all of me, doctor."

"What do you say, Ironh-ough!"

Ratchet grunted as the soldier struggled to his feet in record time.

"You two better be in the bedroom in ten seconds."

[phdmama]

On a Wednesday, In a Café

(For @phoebe-delia who puts up with me and lets me pop in to ask things like WHO INSULTED TAYLOR SWIFT’S SENSE OF HUMOR?? This is just a tiny little vignette inspired by Start Again. I think this also fits for @drarrymicrofic and the prompt “hope” - in a way.)

The café is weirdly busy for a Wednesday morning. 

Draco is moderately disgruntled. He’s used to having the place to himself — his Wednesday mornings are sacred. It’s the one day of the week he can sleep in, as he doesn’t have to be at work until after lunch, and he loves coming to this small, cosy coffee shop. He always gets the same thing, the largest café au lait they serve with two shots of vanilla and whatever savoury scone they’re baking that day, and he always sits in the same place, one of the big comfy overstuffed armchairs in the corner by the fireplace. He reads whatever journal he’s brought along and he eats his scone and he drinks his coffee and it’s just. Really nice. That’s all. 

Okay, at least today, no one is in the other armchair, so when Draco sits down and pulls out his journal, maybe it’s a little louder than usual, but things are still fine in his world. He’s managed to tune out the sounds of the people around him, reduced them to background white noise as he reads up on the latest innovations in cauldron technology (spoiler alert: InstantCauldron™ is a misnomer because it does not, in fact, do all the prep work for you even if it does brew in less than half the time a standard cauldron takes, so there’s really nothing Instant about it, not that Draco is bitter). In any case, he’s focused on what he’s reading which is why at first he doesn’t really register the words that he’s hearing.

“Did you hear about…”

“I read that…”

“Did you know he…”

And Draco doesn’t even have to look up to know what’s happened.

Potter is here.

Draco slowly lowers the journal to his lap and learns that he is, in fact correct. Standing at the counter in a pair of ratty jeans and a giant hoodie is one Harry James Potter. His hair is ridiculous and his trainers have seen far, far better days, but he is, as always, infuriatingly handsome.

Except for the tension that Draco can read clearly in his shoulders, the way his eyebrows furrow in a frown, and the way he’s glaring suspiciously at the cashier. He has his reasons, Draco knows.

Late last year, some eight months ago now, Potter had come home from a mission to find his live-in lover in bed with not one, but two young men. Not just any young men, it turned out, but two young men who were high on the Ministry’s Most Wanted List.  Potter had arrested them all on the spot (Draco has to give him credit for a cool head under what had to have been rather stressful conditions). When the now-ex was out on bail, the first thing he’d done was go to the press and air all of Potter’s… Well, not dirty laundry exactly. None of what Potter gets up to in his own bed chamber is particularly sordid or shocking (some of it sounds like great fun, actually) but it is, well, private. 

And privacy is a luxury Harry James Potter has had very little of. 

Potter accepts his drink, and turns around, eyes scanning the room as if searching for the knife he knows is aimed at his back, but then he catches sight of Draco and something very strange happens.

Potter’s shoulders drop, the lines in his forehead smooth out, and then, shockingly, he smiles.

Draco blinks in confusion but no, his eyes are not deceiving him. Potter is raising his cup to his lips and taking a sip, never breaking eye contact, and then, after he swallows, that smile still playing about his beautiful lips, he starts walking toward Draco.

“Anyone sitting here?” His voice is low as he nods towards the empty chair next to Draco and for a moment, all Draco can do is stare at him, dumbfounded.

“Malfoy?” Potter prompts and Draco shakes his head.

“Oh, sorry. No. No one’s sitting there,” and to Draco’s deep astonishment, Potter sits down.

Potter leans back, cross one leg over his threadbare knee, and takes another sip.

“So,” he says, “how have you been?”

[beakzine]

BEAKZ FAQs!

- Who are you?

BEAKZ is run by Mod Tawny and Mod Masked, moderators of the Doctor/Master Anon Kink Meme on AO3. Check it out for examples of what we're going for with the zine!

- Who can apply?

Anyone over 18 who can show at least one example of their work. It doesn't matter if you're popular or relatively unknown, new to the fandom or long-established: the KinkZine wants you!

- Will I be accepted?

Whatever example(s) of your work you submit will be judged on their own merits. If your examples prove you can produce a solid, finished piece that we judge to be of good quality, there's a good chance we'll bring you on board!

- How do I submit examples of my work?

There's a question on the submission form to link your work, and another question to upload files directly. Regardless of whether you're providing fic or art, you can use either.

- What should my examples be?

Anything showing your style and your ability to finish a self-contained piece. Kinky/explicit content is good to see, but not required. For fics, we prefer to see one-shots, to match what you'll write for the zine. Otherwise, don't overthink it 💜🩵💛

- What is my pitch?

Your pitch is an idea for art/fic that you might end up going with for your final piece. Key word is MIGHT, since it's all subject to change. Your pitch can be as half-baked as you want at this stage. Again, don't overthink it!

- Does my pitch have to be explicit?

Not necessarily, though of course we're expecting a lot of explicit ones! If your pitch is unquestionably kinky, even with no explicit sex or violence, that's more than enough to merit inclusion.

- Does my pitch have to be kinky?

That depends on your definition of kink, which is a whole can of worms in itself! But we're looking for more than a vanilla sex scene here. Find an angle, whether sensual, emotional, physical or any combination of those, and work with it.

- Is anything off limits?

Practically nothing. Anything allowed on AO3 is allowed here. The zine will use an AO3-style warnings system so readers can choose what they want to see (and skip over the pages they don't).

- What are prompts?

Prompts are ideas/inspiration you want to provide to everyone involved. They can fall anywhere between detailed to vague vibes. See the AO3 kinkmeme for examples.

- Any deadline for the applications?

We're seeing how far/fast our applications post travels first (and feel free to help it along)! Once we feel applications are slowing down, we'll post a deadline with a reminder to apply.

- Wait, DEADLINES? 😱

Don't panic! We're aiming to be as gentle & permissive as possible, to make it low-stress for all involved. There WILL be deadlines for contributors, but we'll give you plenty of time, with check-ins to ensure you're on track.

- What if I can only write something short/draw something simple?

That's okay! If you're chosen for the zine, that proves that we like what you do. Any finished piece you create from there, we're happy to accept as long as you've fulfilled your pitch.

- "Anon" kink zine?

Yes, each work will be published anonymously under a bird-themed pseudonym. Feel free to say, in public or in private, which bird your work is under. Or keep it secret!

- Why birds?

It came from the acronym, BEAKZ. Also, birds are just great. (This is our mascot, Tufty! They've been instrumental in helping us get the zine together. Everybody say "thanks, Tufty"!)

Still want to sign up? Tufty says “you can do so here!”

[penig]

Honestly, the saving grace of zucchini, the thing that keeps people planting it despite it doing That, is that when you shred it and add it to moderately sweet baked goods they become moist and dense and even more delicious without being too heavy! Zucchini bread is every bit as good as banana bread and nobody tells you that's diet.

And yeah, okay, zucchini (and bananas) are pretty good for you but that is not the point. The point of zucchini (and banana) bread is that you can bake something everyone will enjoy and use up the damn zucchini (and the bananas that are too soft to slice and will turn liquid in the next half hour if action is not taken).

[verosnacks]

Sticky Toffee Pudding

Ingredients:

Toffee Sauce:

2 1/2 cups heavy cream, divided in half

1 stick unsalted butter (4 oz)

1/2 cup light corn syrup

1 cup granulated sugar

Cake:

6oz pitted dates (like 7 dates, pref Medjool)

3/4 cup water

3/4 cup plus 2 tbsp all-purpose flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

1 pinch salt

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

3/4 cup packed light brown sugar

1 large egg

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Vanilla ice cream, for serving

Instructions:

Toffee Sauce:

In a medium saucepan, combine 1 and 1/4 cups of cream with 1 stick of butter, corn syrup, and sugar. Bring to a boil.

Cook over moderately low heat, stirring, until a deep amber caramel forms (like 40 min). It's okay for mixture to be bubbling.

After sticky, carefully whisk in remaining half of cream. Mix well.

Strain sauce through sieve into a bowl to get rid of clumps (I didn't do this, it was fine...)

Cake:

In a small saucepan (or use a shallow pan), simmer dates in water over moderately low heat until the water is nearly absorbed (~15 minutes). Stir to create a paste.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Lightly butter 6 4-oz ramekins

In a small bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

In a medium bowl, beat butter with brown sugar until light and fluffy. Then beat in egg and vanilla, and then date puree.

At low speed, beat in dry ingredients.

Spoon batter into ramekins and smooth the tops

Bake for 20 minutes (I would reduce this to 15)

Assemble. Syrup, cake, ice cream, cake, more syrup over top.

Notes:

02/13/2024 -

Used 1/2 ratio for toffee sauce and 1/3 ratio for cake batter, would probably taste much better if used actual recipe

Cake was dry, need to add a touch more butter but also we lost some splash while we were melting/warming it up.

Cake was burnt on sides/top, was bitter. Temperature of toaster oven is unpredictable, would want to use 325 instead of 350 next time. Maybe cook in water bath, but that's a lot of effort.

Toffee sauce difficult to make because Jacob didn't cook it on high enough heat, also I think the butter and sugar should go in first instead of everything at once. I'd look for a recipe for a different toffee sauce. It turned out too thin at the end, I would want a thicker sauce. Jacob was impatient to EAT IT, but if it were up to me we would have cooked it longer. The cakes were pretty simple to make.

My hair feels gross after cooking this for 1.5 hour in our kitchen. Probably all the oil from cooking down the toffee sauce.

02/25/2024 -

Actual measurements this time, ratio is so much better.

Baked @ 325 for 20 minutes, that was more like it. Still kinda gooey at the end, but just let it sit in the hot oven and it will be done.

Toffee sauce turns darker when microwaved

Source: https://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/sticky-toffee-pudding

[gloopydoops]

I'm sleep deprived so it's time for another half baked rant about extremism being dumb and ai and shit being okay in moderation and shit uhh fuckin let's see lemme take out my notes uhhhh moderation good uhh ai can work in moderation but the human spirit adds some whimsy ubhh hold on I'm a bit eepy lemme just. Where'd the note cards go? Uhh I swear they were just in my pocket. Hold on sorry this is really embarrassing I had like an actual point here but my uh note cards are like gone. Gjhold on a second I could sword they were just right there. Just gikm mr a secon

Who the hell is this guy why is he in my house ehat th duck. Where he con from. Why is he becoming me. I'm inclined to enter but I'm really fucking sleep deprived so maybe I shludnt but also like oh he's grabbed me

What the mother fuck is that. Why am I entering that. Why is this doctor taking my here. Oh fuck oh shit AAAAAAÆEEEEEEE

Who is this man

[wellmosphere111]

Navigating the Challenges of Eating Healthy and Maintaining a Wholesome Dining Out Experience

Introduction:

In today's fast-paced world, the pursuit of a healthy lifestyle has become a top priority for many individuals. A significant aspect of this journey involves making mindful food choices, even when dining out. While the intention to eat healthily is admirable, it's not without its challenges. The enticing aroma of decadent dishes, the allure of convenience, and the social aspects of dining out can all conspire to undermine our commitment to a balanced diet. In this article, we'll delve into the hurdles that come with eating healthy while dining out and explore strategies to ensure a wholesome dining experience.

Tempting Menus and Portion Sizes:

One of the major challenges of dining out is the irresistible allure of indulgent menu items. Restaurants often entice patrons with descriptions of rich, flavorful dishes that may not align with our nutritional goals. Moreover, portion sizes at restaurants tend to be larger than what we might serve ourselves at home, making it easy to overeat and consume excess calories.

Hidden Ingredients and Nutritional Information:

Deciphering the nutritional content of restaurant meals can be a daunting task. Many eateries don't provide comprehensive nutritional information, leaving diners unaware of the calorie, fat, and sugar content of their chosen dishes. Hidden ingredients, such as high levels of added sugars and unhealthy fats, can sabotage our efforts to eat healthily.

Social Pressure and Peer Influence:

Dining out often involves social gatherings with friends, family, or colleagues. Peer pressure and the desire to fit in can make it difficult to stick to healthy eating habits. Choosing a salad while everyone else is indulging in rich, savory dishes can sometimes feel isolating, leading us to give in to unhealthy temptations.

Lack of Variety and Limited Options:

While many restaurants are beginning to offer healthier options on their menus, the choices may still be limited. Finding a variety of well-balanced, nutrient-rich meals can be a challenge, especially when dining at establishments that prioritize taste and presentation over nutritional value.

Maintaining a Wholesome Dining Out Experience:

Despite these challenges, it's entirely possible to enjoy dining out while still adhering to your maintain a healthy dine out eating goals. Here are some effective strategies to consider:

Plan Ahead:

Research the restaurant's menu online before you arrive. This gives you the chance to identify healthier options and make a well-informed choice rather than succumbing to impulsive decisions.

Mindful Ordering:

When placing your order, opt for grilled or baked dishes over fried ones. Choose lean protein sources, such as chicken or fish, and ask for dressings and sauces on the side to control your intake.

Portion Control:

Consider sharing an entrée with a dining partner or asking for a to-go container right away to pack up half of your meal before you start eating. This helps prevent overeating and allows you to enjoy the leftovers later.

Customize Your Order:

Don't hesitate to make modifications to the menu items to better suit your dietary preferences. Ask for substitutions, extra veggies, or whole grain options whenever possible.

Practice Self-Control:

Remember your long-term health goals and stay focused on them. It's okay to indulge occasionally, but strive for balance and moderation.

Conclusion:

challenges of eating healthy while dining out may present its fair share , but with careful planning, mindful choices, and a commitment to your well-being, it's a hurdle that can be overcome. By arming yourself with knowledge, prioritizing balance, and embracing healthier options, you can enjoy a delicious meal while staying true to your commitment to a healthier lifestyle. After all, achieving a sense of well-being and vitality is worth every effort you put into making nutritious choices, even when dining out.

[theforumcat]

Hello! How are you? Would you mind sharing the recipe for the beef stroganoff? My dad and I made pizza and he talked about your recipes. I went to a 50th birthday party that had a potluck which had macaroni and cheese. Yours was better. In my next ask, I will show you a picture of Pushkin that the petsitter took!

Sure!

Except I am checking this three hours too late to avoid an extra step of confoundment. I was at my mother’s house and could have grabbed the actual recipe to tell you to disregard, but instead I shall have to provide the alternate (not sure if older or if simplified) version of the recipe from a different edition because it’s the one available online. So here’s the wrong version of the recipe I was gonna tell you was basically all wrong anyway.

Okay so to start: double everything except the mushrooms. Quadruple those. And just use one enormous onion (in order of preference: Spanish, red, white. Do NOT use sweet, yuck) and don’t worry about getting your mince on; as long as it’s in a reasonably fine dice you’re goodAlso, dice the beef rather than making little strips. Strips get too tough. Also-also, use a fattier cut. Unless you have access to venison, then use venison and double the butter. It doesn’t specify mushroom type. I use little brown cremini, unless button mushrooms are on good sale, and then I use those. Once I did it with beech mushrooms and left them whole and that was good but too much work. Shiitake aren’t very good for this. Lobster mushroom powder is a weird ingredient but offers POWERFUL depth of flavour, especially if you’re not using meat. Porcini powder is easier to find and also pretty good as an additive, particularly if you aren’t doing meat and have weaker mushrooms. Morels can be, in moderated mix with others, outstanding. Mince them and be sure to use the liquid from hydrating them in the broth bit if you do. Speaking of broth, don’t use a can of beef broth, that’s gross. Use better than bouillon (or cube bouillon, but I like the goop much better) and do it 1.5x strength. If you did morels, just use the morel liquid as the water base, it’s fine. For sure don’t use ketchup wtf even the edition of the same cookbook we use agrees that’s nasty. Just get a little can of tomato paste and stick between half to the whole thing in until it tastes savoury and rich, but doesn’t turn like, red-red. Use like an entire head of garlic, and crush it. Not sure what this “1 small clove” nonsense is. Use MSG instead of salt, it’s better. If you can’t use MSG, use a salt smoked over a hard, non-fruit wood. Especially if you don’t have meat in. Throw like a couple shakes of cayenne in real early- it isn’t a dish that should be spicy by any means, but it helps to develop the flavour. The directions are basically right, at least as far as order of steps go. Switch the order of meat and mushrooms&onions. Just throw them in on top of the meat once it’s nicely browned. Fewer dishes. Let it simmer however long. The recipe is minimum cook time, but it can sit on the stove - as far as I can tell - forever as long as you keep it regularly hydrated. Flour step way at the end. If you’re feeling up for it, roux is always the superior option, but roux is fussy as hell. I make my roux with bacon fat and bake it golden and then freeze it.

Only mix sour cream into the portion you’re actually about to eat; it freezes incredibly well before sour cream and incredibly mediocrely after.

Also, it will be better after sitting in the fridge for a day. Like, a LOT better. I like it with egg noodles, I think they’re the best. It’s also pretty okay on whipped potatoes, but I like noodles.

Some people put peas in it and they are wrong.

If you want it vegetarian, then just triple the mushrooms but be aware it won’t be as good. In this case, use portobellos. If you do vegan, use Miyoko’s Creamery butter and forager plain yoghurt; anything else gives it too much weird cloying sweetness. Definitely swap the salt for MSG if you go sans-meat, and you may need to as much as triple it. consider roasting the mushrooms before you add them to the pot.

[fitnesspizzainmydiet]

Good vs Bad Food?

How many times have you started a diet and did really well Monday-Friday, but then when Friday night rolls around you find yourself in bed with a bag of lays potato chips and a box of your favorite Krispy Kreme donuts binging your favorite Netflix series? Or how many times have you found yourself “failing” your diet because you ate one donut at work, so you spend the rest of the weekend eating crappy foods and promising yourself you’ll “get back to it” on Monday?

These are some of the most common things people say when they are trying to lose weight and this article is going to be my little two cents on the matter, as well as my tips on how to avoid this. I would first like to give a disclaimer, I am in no way a certified dietitian or nutritionist, but I am sharing what I have learned over the last two and half years through my personal experience and research.

Now, let’s start with the most important thing. There is no such thing as good or bad foods. That doesn’t mean an order of French fries are healthier than a cup of steamed vegetables, but everything is okay in moderation. You do not need to wait until Friday to have a “cheat meal” or “cheat day”. In fact, it will be much easier for you to stay consistent on your journey if you completely eliminate these terms from your vocabulary.

When we are speaking about weight loss specifically, calories and protein are king. Meaning, if you remain in a calorie deficit (eating less calories than you burn in a day), and hit your protein goals for the day, you should have no issues burning fat and losing weight. This has been the most helpful thing for me and how I’ve been able to sustainably lose fifty pounds. If you want that donut that’s sitting in the break room on Friday, go for it and most importantly DON’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Seriously, it’s one donut. Simply work it into your calories and enjoy! This may mean cutting back on a serving of pasta or rice at dinner, but these are small sacrifices that helped me stay sane on my journey.

With that being said, I would like to speak about why you feel the compulsion to binge at the end of the night or week. Many times when people are trying to diet, they tend to over restrict themselves and by the end of the day or week, your body is looking for those extra calories that it’s missing. At that point, you tend to be so hungry that you over eat and that’s where the chips and donuts come in. You find yourself so hungry and too tired to cook yourself something low calorie, so you run to the pantry and shove whatever is quick in your mouth. Next thing you know, you’re 1000 calories over your limit, and you probably don’t feel the best either.

I know this struggle because that was the story of my life every single time I tried losing weight in the past. I would do great with my meal replacement shakes and bland meals like baked chicken and white rice, but then I would be in bed eating a family size bag of Cheetos at eight p.m. because I was starving and had no energy to make myself something to eat. The biggest things that saved me from this never-ending cycle of binge eating were 1. Increasing my daily protein intake 2. Allowing myself to enjoy my favorite treats in moderation without feeling guilty or ashamed and 3. Finding lower calorie options for the food I grew up eating.

In the following posts to come, I will share how I work those irresistible treats into my daily calories, and I’ll even give you guys my pepperoni pizza recipe that I eat at least once a week (that’s under 700calories for the whole pizza) Stay tuned for more!

[all-hail-the-witcher]

the absolute best quotes from bdylanhollis's vintage baking tiktoks

• "thought this was a joke. turns out im the joke."

• "you can use a mixer, i just do this to feel something"

• "fold in sauerkraut carefully. or what? im going to ruin your disaster?"

• "can a cake be tried for treason?"

• "either chocolate fixes everything or this is alchemy"

• *disgusted chewing noises* "DEMON BABY!!!"

• "before pumpkin pie became king people ate this....now they're dead."

• "combine all ingredients except for pie shell. were you rEALLY WORRIED I WAS GOING TO PUT A F U L L Y C O N S T R U C T E D PIE SHELL INTO THIS?"

• "im a fool, not an idiot."

• "its like reading directions to purgatory"

• "now we have carbonated mayonnaise lime water"

• "MARSHMALLOWS!! with the m a y o??"

• "chop up your dehydrated cow"

• "it tastes like it's insulting me"

• "and its not just a little bit. no. its a severe unauthorized CUP of mayonnaise."

• "honey you cant dilute a war crime"

• "you know its horrible now but i hope it turns out okay. like children."

• *beans boiling over in a pot* "ahhhhHH BEAN REBELLION!!"

• "eggie!! how many? i don't know. it just says EGGS."

• "did you just kill my blender?" *broken blender noises* "hello?" *insane maniacal laughter* "this is personal now. you swung first!!"

• "why are you good? yOU HAVE A BAG OF BEANS IN YOU!!"

• "one of the many questionable substances people experimented with in the 70s...pistachio pudding."

• "smells like a palm springs retirement home"

• "nixon wished it was this easy."

• "this was the cold war after all. fear of communist bananas was at an all time high."

• "the 70s. sponsored by the color beige."

• "its uncomfortably appetizing"

• "meat and desserts was quite common back then. so was botulism."

• "'honey would you like earl gray or pork?' 'ill take a divorce'"

• "sweet, bitter and meaty. like my ex."

• "don't say it dylan" *2 seconds later* "CIMMANIMM!!"

• "350 for two and a half hours! i suppose any less and it might gain consciousness."

• "its a little late in the century for war crimes."

• "are you just making things up? who are you??"

• *opening a can of spam* "you know ive never been particularly religious. but today might be the day."

• "a cup of evaporated milk?! have you lost the plot?!"

• "i feel like if i do this correctly im going to invoke the spirit of richard nixon"

• "this aint food honey this is a bioweapon"

• "sir your phone number is 4 digits"

• "well i don't have sorghum because i don't have a life expectancy of twelve"

• "thats the power of pine sol baby!"

• "bake to your liking. sweetie none of this is to my liking."

• "this is what id imagine a toilet brush to taste like"

• "this is why we don't perform lobotomies anymore."

• "should be a pale white." *holds butter up to arm for comparison*

• "i bet this recipe is just all the wrong answers on a baking test."

• "smells like dentures."

• "not bad dead people"

• "its incredible. and im mad about it."

• "sift your flour three times. lady your cake has tomato soup in it, this is thE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES!!"

• "'911 whats your emergency?' 'yeah that lady carol is at the barbecue again.'"

• "careful not to over mix. sorry im just trying to kill it."

• "now i know this is going to be awful because it calls for soured milk. not buttermilk, not milk and vinegar, no honey sOURED B A D MILK!"

• "disgusting wasnt enough for you?!"

• "call the U.N."

• "bake until done. you're a piece of work."

• *plays accordion on his kitchen floor*

• "tastes like a shower drain or a bunion"

• "this recipe was sent to me by herbert hoover feet pics. theres something for everybody"

• "are you nine inches yet?? said 14 year old me."

• "i suppose its better than eating your offspring"

• "oh betty crocker WHAT ARE YOU UP TO??"

• "you could just use canned pineapple. if you were a communist."

• "can you bake a pie with four ingredients? yes! i could also eat my mattress."

• "add three gils of water. was this written for a fish?"

• "i think this qualifies as a preexisting condition"

• "unconstitutional!"

• "its a breast implant"

• *clunking from the cabinets* "i think ive summoned something"

• "it seems to have collapsed. like the south."

• "the slogan for this cookbook is 'it's digestible'"

• "remember kids the main ingredient in pie pastry is self doubt"

• "fry in two tablespoons of crisco. on this episode of dead white people."

• "i didnt know tuberculosis had a color scheme"

• "ive baked a toilet."

• "how am i supposed to know how big your teacups are, ira?"

• "why do dead people like dates?"

• "easy does it. wouldn't want to ruin a disaster."

• "'ira honey i'm going to war.' 'over what?' 'your cooking'"

• "tastes like a boot. like a size 10 boot."

• "why just live in the great depression when you could also have chronic diarrhea"

• "it wants me to plumpen my prunes in water. well i won't be plumping my prunes in just anything. buy me dinner first."

• "it looks like a failed grave robbery"

• "walnuts aint gonna save this recipe sweetie"

• "you know its not bad it just vaguely tastes like a felony."

• "'where you goin with that tuna dylan?' 'oh you know just making jello"

• "this recipe is making me cry, not the onions"

• "are we sure this recipe wasnt written by a cat?"

• "it already looks like the great depression"

• "bake in a moderate oven. no need to get political"

•"don't tell gordon ramsey"

• "it tastes like a question mark. but a good question mark"

[shamelesscollectivesublime]

oh and mischa too!!!

Okay I just wrote the penny one and I am on a ROLL so. Mischa bachinski my beloved

- First of all. Mischa has two hands and I won't hear otherwise. Talia is REAL damn it but Mischa is also bisexual and in love with Noel. End of

- He watched the titanic for the first time on the phone with talia and cried EMBARRASSINGLY hard. Not embarrassing because he's supposed to be manly or whatever, embarrassing like he woke up the next day and his eyes were almost swollen shut from crying so hard. Like that movie really affected him

- Noel would ask to watch it with him and he'd immediately say no because he doesn't want to be literally dehydrated from crying again

- He would put talia on the phone during choir and everyone would talk to her (more like them telling Mischa what to say and him translating but they all love her)

- Ocean would insist on singing whatever song they're working on for her and she'd just sit there like wow 😁👍!!! She has no idea what's going on but she's along for the ride

- He is trying to teach everyone Ukrainian to moderate success

- he has an annoyed siblings relationship with ocean which everyone says but seriously!!! They get on each other's nerves so much but ocean would kill a man for him and he's DEFINITELY gotten into a fight for her

- picks ocean up like a folding chair and carries her around. Or like a cat under the armpits and so she's just dangling there

- absolutely terrified of rollercoasters but went on the cyclone anyway because he's a manly man. Obviously. But then he died

- literally almost threw up getting off the graviton. Thought he was literally going to die

- wholeheartedly believes in Santa. Literally will not be convinced he isn't real. Everyone in the choir feeds into this and says their presents to him were from Santa and were dropped off at their house instead of his bc he doesn't have a chimney (in like an everyone lives situation cause yk they weren't really friends before)

- really it's because his adoptive parents didn't get him anything but he doesn't have to know that they're supposed to be santa

- is actually genuinely successful on YouTube 😭 nobody wants to believe him and I doubt the choir before the accident cared to check they just half listened to him talk about his songs like "yeah that's great buddy" but he has a pretty decent following

- I'm sure a good amount of them are ironic but that's okay

- he'd get one of those "THIS SHIT IS FIRE 🔥🔥🔥🔥 PUT IT OUT 🔥🔥🔥" comments and take it as a compliment

- has unmedicated ADHD. I don't make the rules I only enforce them

- he literally can't sit still in any situation at all ever, nor can he focus on anything if there isn't 5 other things going on. Constantly understimulated. Constance would give him a fidget spinner and his grades would immediately go up a letter or two

- honestly Mischa and constance are best friends in my heart

- she would try to teach him how to bake/cook and he would burn everything

- "Mischa no wonder it's burnt! It's been on high for 15 minutes it's just a grilled cheese" "why cook for long time on low heat when I could cook for short time on high heat 🤨??" "because it will burn before the cheese melts!!!!"

- Ocean is PISSED that he's always at Constance's house when she goes over to hang out (she would spend virtually all her time there fr) but Constance's little brother loves him

- wears almost exclusively sweat pants/giant t shirts with ironic slogans. "The worst day of fishing beats the best day of 'court ordered' anger management classes'"

- the kind of mf to wear gym shorts and slides in 4 inches of snow like dude 😦

- lets noel paint his nails every time they hang out. immediately forgets they're painted and either smudges it or if it somehow manages to dry bites/picks it off immediately

- he will never complain but he hates the way it makes his nails feel heavier

- ocean would get him a sticker book to motivate him to do his homework (his grades are not good and if they get too low he won't be allowed to participate in choir)

- so now his books/homework are covered in stickers

- spends a devastatingly long time on his hair only for it to immediately be ruined when he leaves the house

- it's almost impressive how quickly it just turns into a total mess

- that's what the hat is for

- regarding my penny rock head canon. He gets SO EXCITED when she gives him one

- "this reminded me of you" *least visually interesting rock you've ever seen* "YOOOOO IT IS LIKE ME!!!"

- not a big fan of the bugs though

- genuinely terrified of them. He'd see penny with bugs and feel like ants are on him for the next several minutes

That's all for rn cause this is getting long!!

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).