#mirrorball by taylor swift yeah? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hugshughes · 1 year ago

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mirrorball M. Estapa

Mark Estapa x fem!reader

synopsis - You realize Mark Estapa is the one person you don't have to perform for.

wc - 4.8k (#proud)

contains - cursing, slight miscommunication, upset reader, frustrated reader, fluff asf, kissing, cuddling. as always lmk!

an - LIGHTLY EDITED!!! sorry if there's any mistakes! THIS ONE WAS FUNNNNNN. i love mark so much so this was cute. it does take a long time to get to the point though so.. sorry! this song is also everything to me so yeah! oh also, betty love interest has been determined!!!! connor bedard is like honestly the perfect guy for it i feel like, cause he's young and stuff. and JH86 already has illicit affairs sooooo don't be mad at me! i hope you LOVE this! as always reblogs and replies are very much appreciated!

i want you to know, i'm a mirrorball. i'll show you every version of yourself tonight.

You'd always been somewhat of a people pleaser. Your happiness had almost always stemmed from whether or not the people around you were happy. It started when you were little, because of how your parents would praise you when you'd take care of your 3 little siblings for them.

Your parents were always working, trying to make enough so that your family could live comfortably, but it had you parenting your siblings for all of your childhood. All of your nurturing at home caused you to do that to everyone you cared about. Always being called the "mom of the friend group." You would do anything you could for people around you to be happy with you, no matter if it meant you were miserable or not.

Now that you were in college, you felt weird not having someone depend on you every second like you do back at home. You had a lot of friends in school now, and lots of people liked that you would never say no to them, taking advantage of your kindness.

You'd met Ethan Edwards in a business class freshman year and he immediately took you in and brought you everywhere. He thought you were cool and fun and one of the few girls he could be friends with that didn't make it weird because of his "status" on the campus. He'd brought you to a hockey house party sophomore year and it's where you met Mark Estapa.

i'll get you out on the floor, shimmering beautiful. and when i break, it's in a million pieces.

Mark had been enthralled by you when you met. Your caring nature and kindness absolutely melted him. He watched you be the designated driver everywhere you went, take care of all of your girlfriends when they got plastered, and in his opinion, let them walk all over you. See, he loved your caring nature, to an extent. He loved how sweet you are, but he hated how other people took such an advantage of it. Once he'd even told your friend to fuck off when he'd seen her trying to make you feel bad for something that was completely on her.

hush, when no one is around my dear. you'll find me on my tallest tiptoes, spinnin' in my, highest heels, love. shinin' just for you.

While Mark loved how nurturing you were, he loved even more when you weren't so tense, and taking care of everyone, and you were just carefree. The first time he'd ever seen you like this was in February of your sophomore year, six months after he met you. You guys were at a party, that was really a "hangout" but while you guys drank, where none of those friends of yours had been invited. He'd never seen you that happy.

You were sitting right by him on the couch, your Ugg slippers on the rug in front of you while you tucked your legs into your chest, a drink in your hand. You were laughing and making jokes, not having to stress over whether your "friends" were about to get drugged because they would just grab drinks from anyone offering.

You'd always admired Mark. Since the night you met him, you just loved everything he did. How gentle he was even though his hockey stats would say otherwise. You loved how he always seemed to have a smile on his face, and how much he cared for you. He was one of the first people ever who cared for you the way you cared for everyone else.

hush, i know they said the end is near. but i'm still on my tallest tiptoes, spinnin' in my highest heels, love. shinin' just for you.

You had been in love with him since June. Your friend group had gotten together in the summer and spent a weekend on a lake in Michigan, near where Mark's parents lived. One night his parents had invited your group to his childhood home to have dinner and when you'd seen his interactions with his parents, you were a puddle. He was the sweetest guy you'd ever met, but you were convinced you couldn't have him. And he thought the same things about you, sadly enough.

Unknowingly to you, Mark had fallen in complete love with you the same exact day. When he watched you help his mom out with dinner then again afterwards with dishes his heart pounded. Ethan was teasing him all night. Ethan had done everything but tell you guys that you liked the other to try to get you together, sending you two out on drives to get something for a party, making you two a team during every game on the PlayStation, encouraging you guys to enroll in the same classes for junior year, and more.

You hadn't seen Mark all summer after the trip in late June, you'd texted a lot though. He'd even called you a couple of times, which always made you scared because no one had ever just called you to talk to you like he did.

No matter how much Ethan pressured you to tell Mark how you felt, you were always too scared. You'd only ever had two boyfriends before, and they were not good guys, so you didn't really know what it felt like when a guy really loved you.

It was two weeks into the school year and you still hadn't seen Ethan or Mark yet. You were lying in your bed with your eyes closed after class when your phone rang, you jumped, grabbing your phone, seeing 'Mark Estapa🤍" at the top of your screen. You tensed for a second, sliding your finger across your screen to answer and hitting the speaker button.

"Hello?"

Mark smiled when he heard your voice, blush dusting the tips of his ears.

"Hey! What's up? Do you have plans for tonight?"

"No, should I? Is there an Alpha Phi party Ethe didn't tell me about?"

You sat up in your bed, rubbing your eyes and flattening your hair.

"No, no party. I wanted to ask if you maybe want to go get dinner or something, maybe we could go walk around target or something."

You blushed at his proposal, you knew it was just a hangout, but dinner with Mark was like, all you ever wanted. You accepted gently, not trying to sound desperate to see him.

"Okay, great. Can I come pick you up in like 20?"

You accepted again, quickly saying goodbye and texting Mark your new address so you could get ready. You'd just moved off campus and into an apartment for your junior year. It was 50° and felt like 45° in Ann Arbor, perfect fall weather, so you made sure to wear warm clothes.

You slipped on your Ugg slippers right when Mark knocked on your door. You opened the door with a big smile, Mark's face adorned by his usual grin.

"Hi Mark, oh my gosh I haven't seen you in forever!"

You were gonna use that as your excuse to hug him. He greeted you sweetly, squeezing you tightly. When you both pulled away from each other you admired his face, his rosy cheeks from the cold weather, how comfy and warm he looked in his big Wolverine Hockey sweatshirt, everything.

You guys exited your apartment building silently, when you got to Mark's car he went up ahead of you and opened the door for you. You looked up at him and smiled sweetly.

"My hero."

He nodded and laughed, making sure you were securely in the car before closing your door, running around the front of the car to get in. You turned on your seat warmer while he buckled up, he looked over at you and smiled again, and you raised your eyebrows at him, silently asking him 'what??' he just laughed and shook his head.

You plugged your phone into the car so you could play music, Mark didn't fight you over it, he never did. He loved watching you lip-sync to the music you loved, even though you didn't think he saw you. He smiled as he glanced over to you while stopped at a red light, the red illuminating your face as you sang silently along with Bad Habit by Steve Lacy. He thought the song choice was funny because he literally did wish you knew he wanted you.

This was the you that he loved, the girl who wasn't constantly stressed over people who didn't deserve even half a second of her attention. He snapped out of his trance on you when the light on your face turned green. He drove to your guys' favorite place to eat fast.

You were quickly texting your mom back when you pulled up to the restaurant. Mark hopped out of the car with haste and got around the car before you could get your seatbelt off, opening your door for you, holding out a hand so you could balance.

Your cheeks warmed as you accepted his hand, letting him help pull you out of his warm car, and into the cold of Ann Arbor. You both ran across the parking lot to get away from the cold, Mark running around you once you'd crossed the street so he could open the door for you. He was the sweetest guy you'd ever met. You guys greeted the staff that knew you two well as the "friends" that come in every week together.

Your favorite waitress brought you to your usual booth, taking your drink orders then taking off. Said waitress was the same woman that always would tell you and Mark that you guys were perfect for each other when one of you was in the bathroom and the other was left at the table. You and Mark had both sat on the same side of the booth always, you guys just liked it better that way, and it was always both of yours' side when you came with other people.

Taylor Swift was playing lowly through the restaurant while you guys pretended to look through the menus, acting like you didn't get the same thing every time.

After you guys ordered, you started talking about summer, and what you guys had done since June 27th, when you'd seen each other last. You told Mark how you spent July with your family and then August with your friends in Miami.

i want you to know, i'm a mirrorball. i'll can change everything, about me to fit in.

"-but you know partying is never that fun with that group of girls because I always am the DD and they all always get absolutely blackout plastered and none of them are good drunks and it just-"

"You know I hate when you do that?"

You halted, staring at him with furrowed eyebrows. You were shocked, did you make Mark upset? You didn't think you'd said anything bad. You couldn't even get a 'what?' in before Mark started again.

"When you let those girls walk all over you. You don't deserve to go out with them just to take care of them while they do whatever they want all night. It just makes me like sad to see you literally hate every time you go out with them. You don't always have to take care of everyone. You can let people do things for you, and let people do things for themselves, okay? You can do something for yourself for once."

you are not like the regulars. the masquerade revelers. drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten.

You were stunned. You'd never had anyone care about you like that before, you'd always felt like you had to let everyone depend on you since you were so little. You'd never had a Mark before. Someone who'd let you be you, someone who wouldn't let you go out of your way and hurt yourself to make sure other people are happy.

You didn't know what to say, you hugged him, though. You hugged him tighter than you ever had. And he held you so gently as if you would break. You didn't even know you were tearing up until your vision clouded over.

"Thank you, Mark. I just- I've been taking care of everyone around me since I can even remember. My little brothers and sister were always my responsibility when I was little and it just stuck and now I feel bad if I don't do anything I can to make the people I love happy. But thank you, um wow yeah thank you, Mark."

You both pulled away, he nodded with a straight face. You quickly wiped under your eyes and turned back to the table, you didn't know what to do now.

"Sorry if I just like, made that awkward, but I just really care about you and I don't like when you're with those girls 'cause they don't make you happy."

I love you. I love you. I love you.

That's what Mark wishes he could say.

hush, when no one is around my dear. you'll find me on my tallest tiptoes, spinnin' in my, highest heels, love. shinin' just for you.

"You didn't, it's not awkward Mark."

You giggled and shook your head at him, asking him how his summer went in turn. He went on about all his plans and it just mesmerized you. The way he talked was everything to you, how excited he got over little things, how enthusiastic he was about almost everything. You loved how bright he was while also being able to understand you and be serious.

You guys got your food and ate while talking about more random things. Mark got up and went to the bathroom right after you both finished, while you sat and waited on him and the check. Mark walked back from the bathroom minutes later and when he got to the booth he held out his hand to help you out of it.

"Mark the check didn't come yet. We can't leave."

He smile got bigger, you could already tell what he was about to say.

"Well I just paid so I think we're fine."

You rolled your eyes at him, lightly pushing him after you accepted his help out of the booth, telling him you’re paying him back somehow. When you got into the car you checked the time, 8:13 p.m. Target closed at 10, so you decided to drive over to it and check it out.

hush, i know they said the end is near. but i'm still on my tallest tiptoes, spinnin' in my highest heels, love. shinin' just for you.

You played more music in the car, and at every red light Mark would watch you sing along silently, and whenever you were driving, you'd glance over at Mark, admiring the slope of his nose and his sharp jawline. He was beautiful, to say the least, but staring at him while Ceyando by Frank Ocean played in the background was breathtaking.

You guys stopped at a red light, and then Mark's eyes met yours. You quickly looked away, staring straight ahead at the road in front of you guys. If the red light wasn't shining down on you guys, Mark would've seen the way you blushed. You were everything to him, everything.

and they called off the circus, burned the disco down. when they sent home the horses, and the rodeo clowns. i'm still on that tightrope. i'm still trying everything, to get you laughin' at me.

When you got to Target, Mark opened your door like always. You guys rush inside to fight the cold weather, giggling like little kids. Before you guys start looking around, Mark goes to the bathroom, claiming how he didn't actually get to go at the restaurant.

While he was away, you ordered Starbucks for the two of you, happy that you were partially repaying him for dinner. You waited outside the bathrooms with two hot chocolates in your hand and a big smile on your face. Mark as always, argues with you when you hand him the drink. You ignore him and grab a cart.

You push the cart through the store, both of your cups taking space in the cupholders on the cart. You both throw in random things you need for your homes, from paper towels to shampoo to Gatorade. You gasp with excitement when you see the books and music section, your favorite part of the whole store. You abandon the cart with Mark, running over to the vinyl.

Now that you had your own apartment, you could finally bring your record player from home and have room with it.

"When was the last time you listened to something on vinyl?"

Mark teased you but admired you also as you scoured the shelves of vinyl, gasping at every Taylor Swift or Harry Styles album.

"Well actually Estapa, my new apartment has enough room for my record player now so I listened to one like two days ago!"

He nodded with an amused look, letting out an 'Oh yeah?' to which to nodded aggressively.

Mark saw the way your movements halted when your eyes landed on one vinyl that was at the very back of the stack. Mark recognized it to be a Taylor Swift album, because you had played it in his car before, but he wasn't exactly sure what it was called.

"Oh my god. This is the Folklore Deluxe album, the red pressing. This is so weird, I left this at home for my little sister to have before school started. I haven't seen this album in Target in like over a year."

Mark nodded along with your words, a big smile on his face as he watched how excited you were.

"Oh my gosh I need to play this for you. Okay, on the way home we're listening to the whole thing okay?"

"Yeah, alright, we'll listen to it."

You squealed, giggling as you slid the vinyl into the cart. Mark pushed the cart behind you as you looked through the books, grabbing two that had been on your 'tbr' list for a while.

Mark let his thoughts wander into delusion as he pushed the cart behind you. He thought about grocery shopping with you like you were married. He shocked himself with that thought, quickly shaking it from his head. He hadn't even told you he liked you yet.

You two went to the self-checkouts, splitting your items up and paying. Mark pushed the cart behind you as you exited Target, while you jogged to the car, the cold air seeping into your jacket. You jumped up and down slightly as Mark took as long as possible to get to the car.

You guys quickly loaded the bags into his trunk, and you insisted on pushing the cart back to the cart corral. When you walked back to the car, a crazy thought appeared in your mind. You thought about being married to Mark and loading your shared groceries into your shared car. Lord, you hadn't even told him you liked him yet.

You got back to the car to see your door open and waiting for you. When you got in, the heater in your seat and pushing through the vents enveloped you. Mark smiled, holding up the aux cord for you. You grinned back, snatching it from him and pulling up Spotify, clicking on folklore (deluxe version).

"Okay so, the album starts with 'the 1', and it's about like thinking about your ex that you thought was your soulmate and wishing they were just a little different so that it could've worked out."

"Oh okay, I think you've played this one before."

You nodded as the song faded in, letting him listen to the song. Mark especially loved when you played Taylor Swift, because you always lip sync the "hardest" to her. 'my tears ricochet' faded out when you pulled up to your apartment.

"Oh my gosh, Mark you have to come in and let me play the rest for you. Please? You're gonna love it I promise. Oh, and we can make those cookies we picked out!"

Mark didn't even have to think for two seconds before agreeing, not that he could ever say no to you. The idea of spending the rest of the night with you sounded like heaven. You had Mark park in a visitor spot and you both got out of the car, grabbing your bags from the back. Mark insisted on carrying 4/5 of your bags, even when you argued with him. You led him up and into your apartment. You both took your shoes off by your door, dropping your bags on the kitchen counter.

and i'm still a believer, but i don't know why. i've never been a natural, all i do is try, try, try.

"Sorry it's a little disorganized, I'm still in the rearranging everything stage."

Mark walked in and immediately loved the vibe of your apartment. It was so warm and it smelled good and just was so you.

"I think it looks great, don't worry."

You blushed at that, feeling all giddy over a boy liking the way you had your apartment decorated. You started to put away your perishable groceries but then noticed Mark standing awkwardly on the other side of your kitchen.

"Oh sorry Mark, please make yourself at home!"

He smiled and nodded, walking around the counter over to you, asking if you needed any help with groceries. You asked him to preheat the oven, and he immediately agreed. You then heard a confused call of your name.

"Your oven is like a fuckin' spaceship. How do you work this?"

You laughed so loud, Mark loved it. You walked over from where you were putting the Halloween-themed cookie dough on a baking sheet and stood between Mark and your oven. You preheat the oven successfully before turning around to make a snarky comment but then realized your proximity. Both of your faces warmed before Mark backed away, rubbing the back of his neck with a smile.

It was a little awkward for a beat before you remembered what you invited him in for.

"Oh my gosh, come over here, look at my record player area! It's my favorite place I have decorated so far."

You grabbed your new vinyl off the counter, sliding on your socks over to where you had your record player set up in your living room. You carefully took the wrap off of your new record, grabbing the first vinyl out and gently placing it on your player. You moved the needle to where track 6 started and turned it on, letting the needle drop onto the vinyl.

"This one is my favorite on folklore, it's about like being a people pleaser but also having someone who you don't have to be like that for."

You avoided looking right at Mark when you said it because you realized that's exactly how you felt about him. He was one of the only people that you didn't have to perform for, the one person who preferred when you didn't. What you didn't know was that Mark was smiling so big when you said what the song was about, thinking of you and himself.

You turned up the volume, walking back over to your kitchen to slide the cookies into the oven when the oven beeped, signaling it was finished preheating. You turned and saw Mark standing at your counter, staring right back at you.

"Hmm, oh! You've never been here before, let me give you the tour."

You turned up the record player once again, so you could hear it throughout your space, and led Mark over to the hallway that led to everything else in your apartment.

"So obviously my kitchen and living room, there's a coat closet, but it's pretty much empty still so whatever."

You showed him the bathroom, another closet, laundry room, and then finally you got to your bedroom.

"Okay this is my bedroom, I'm actually like just finishing up with my decorating in here, sorry if it's a little messy."

Mark thought your room looked spotless and beautiful. Everything just screamed you so he loved it. Your salt lamp dimly illuminated your room from your nightstand, the song dancing through the air of your room. Mark looked all around your room before stopping when he saw your photo wall.

There were dozens of photos, Polaroids and printed pictures, photo booth strips, and other mementos from various occasions taped on the wall.

When you saw Mark halted at your wall, you hoped he didn't realize how much of him there was on it. Every picture of you and Mark in existence was printed out and taped to your wall. The ticket stub from when he took you to The Little Mermaid in May. A cut-out drawing he doodled on your page during class once, he was surprisingly good at drawing hockey jerseys.

Mark noticed how often he came up on your wall, then there was one photo that made his eyes widen a little and his heart jump. It was a Polaroid of you and him at a party last year, your arm around his neck as you both smiled widely. That wasn't even the best part to him, the best part was that on the margin underneath the picture, there was just the date, a dash, and then a heart drawn.

He looked over at you and there was a different look in both of your guys' eyes. Some kind of understanding, but still a little bit of fear that your feelings were unrequited. You walked over to Mark, pointing at the photo he had been staring at.

"That's my favorite picture like, ever. That's why it's in the very middle of all of them."

Mark just stared at you, as you stared at the picture. He was so in love with you, it would probably physically hurt him if he held back telling you any longer.

"I think I'm in love with you."

Your eyes widened, head snapping in his direction. You blushed so deep red, that it even spread to your ears. You were stunned, you literally couldn't move your mouth, Mark had just told you exactly what you think every time you look at him. He was in love with you? You would jump up and down in victory, but your downstairs neighbors might not like that. Mark didn't take your silence well, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck as he blushed madly.

"Well no I know I am but like it's cool-"

You kissed him, you kissed him. You kissed Mark Estapa after he told you he was in love with you. What fucking universe is this? You kissed him as the bridge of seven played through your home. Your hands framed his face as his hands instinctively held your hips. Butterflies were all either of you felt, whole body tingling and excitement as you kissed each other.

When you pulled away, you were both out of breath, you stared at Mark, so incredibly flustered. Mark took in your rattled appearance and his confidence skyrocketed. He had just got the girl, he was on top of the world.

"So, does that mean like, you like me back or?"

You pushed at his chest, covering your warm face with your hands, hiding your embarrassment and big smile.

"Shut your mouth, but yes."

Mark grinned even wider than he already was, wrapping you up in a hug as august started playing. You both stood there for a minute, taking the moment in. You stood until the timer on the oven went off, indicating your cookies had finished. You pulled out of the hug, taking both of Mark's hands and leading him back to your kitchen, not before he could let out a funny comment.

"I really like this album by the way."

You let out an 'oh yeah?', giggling at his stupidity. You couldn't believe you'd finally gotten him. He was yours, and you could definitely tell that he was the 1.

because i'm a mirrorball. i'm a mirrorball, and i'll show you every version of yourself tonight.

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v4mpgutz · 1 year ago

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Lover, Ethan Landry [ HEADCANONS ]

— darlin' you're my, my, my, my lover <3

ethan landry relationship and other headcanons!

warnings ! — canon-typical blood and gore, canon-typical violence, suggestive content (implied intercourse but no smut), mentions of murder

-----------------------------------------------------------

ghostface ethan landry:

ethan landry with an s/o that is so incredibly naive and he finds it absolutely adorable.

-> he comes home from what you assume to be econ, not even questioning him because he's your boyfriend and you trust him. he grins when you ask him how his class went. you didn't question the fact that he had small amounts of blood splattered on his collarbone and his shoes — you didn't question anything. he doesn't say anything other than "good" before he's leaning in to kiss your cheek, a subtle grin on his face as he proceeds to pull you into a hug. what a sad, naive, little thing you were.

ethan landry who completely guts a guy in one of your college classes that won't stop flirting with you. you're his, he doesn't appreciate this asshole chatting you up. so, he murders him, pfft — obviously — because that would be the logical thing to do right?

-> he sneaks into your bedroom window afterwards, his mask cast aside but the black robe still engulfing his body as he walks over to where you're reading on your phone, laying on your side. he's immediately sliding in behind you and wrapping his right arm around your thigh, caressing the skin softly as his left one wraps around your waist. his head buries itself into your neck, leaving gentle kisses there as you giggle. you're so cute. so cute, in fact, that he wants nothing more, after just stabbing some guy who hit on you to death, then to have his way with you.

non-ghostface ethan:

ethan absolutely loves laying on top of you with his arms wrapped around your stomach. he feels so safe and comfortable and warm — he almost never wants to leave. he also really loves being the little spoon but he's never actually voiced that fact because he's a little shy and doesn't want you to think it means he's weak.

(personal projection headcanon) ethan is autistic and his special interests are spiderman and crystals. he loves spiderman and has a whole bookshelf of comics, posters also covering his walls. he also kind of accidentally got into crystals one day and was like "huh" before going down a loophole of different types of crystals and their spiritual meanings, ruling planets and signs, where they're found etc and now he could see two crystals exactly the same and tell you the difference between them.

-> he has auditory processing disorder so when you're telling him something he'll be listening and nod along, saying "yeah" and "ohhh" but a few seconds later he's going, "wait, what did you say?" this happens a few times within the span of 5 minutes sometimes but you're patient with him and he loves you for that. he also needs captions on when watching tv like 90% of the time because he hears what people are saying but can't process it at the same time unless he's seeing it.

ETHAN LANDRY IS A SWIFTIE!!! he fell in love with taylor swift when he was little because quinn listened to her and now he has all of her album cds and a few vinyls including debut with the ORIGINAL picture to burn (yurrr gayyy.. sorry)

-> his favourite albums are definitely folklore and lover but speak now really has a special place in his heart. he listens to mirrorball and haunted that many times a day that you could play them while he's sleeping and he'll just start singing... in his sleep.

he's definitely lactose intolerant but the kind of lactose intolerant person that will eat copious amounts of ice cream and then later while they're fighting for their life be like "lol worth it."

he kept seeing people say pookie on the internet so he kept calling chad pookie but like.. unironically. on the street they'd be near a road and ethan will just all of a sudden say, "careful pookie! theres a crosswalk!" chad attempts to get him to stop. attempts.

ethan loves to bring you flowers, little origami animals, your favourite snacks and drinks etc when he knows you've had a bad day or even if you've had a good one. his love languages are definitely gift giving and physical touch.

he says sorry literally all of the time because of wayne and it makes you sad but also makes you want to literally throw his dad off of the statue of liberty because fuck that dude.

when he's sad he won't out-right tell you because he doesn't want you to worry but you notice right away anyway because he gets super clingy. you're laying in bed with him, cuddling as you play with his hair while reading your textbook.

-> you get up to get a glass of water and he whines, pouting and huffing as he gets up too, following you like a lost puppy. "eth, what's the matter?" you ask and he pauses at your sudden stop in the middle of the kitchen. "nothin'.." he mumbles back as he plays with his fingers anxiously, "..'m fine."

i love him to death and i have even more hcs but didnt wanna make this too long. pt.2 maybe?? idk, send asks or comment with your hcs too !

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iwantacoolusernameman · 25 days ago

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Akaashi Keiji x Fem!Reader

『The moment I knew』

- Taylor Swift

Pt.2

Pt.3

It turned out that a million little shining stars wouldn't allign for you that night like you had hoped. As more and more people walked through the door, each face that wasn't his leaving you with a bitter taste in your heart.

He said he'd be here.

He was just a friend who couldn't show up. It shouldn't hurt this much. It's not like he'd completely forgotten about you. The text message he sent, the little gift he made sure you'd get through Bokuto, shouldn't all that be enough? Well, it wasn't to you. Because what you wished for most was to see his face in the room full of people you called your friends. That, you realized, was everything you would've needed that night. None of the fancy party decoration, not the beautifully crafted cake and the stacked presents, not even the company of your friends felt good enough because there was one thing missing. And that was the moment you knew.

Despite the fact that the party had started hours ago you still couldn't help yourself from glancing at the entrance throughout the entire night, a sliver of hope whispering into your ear, 'What if he shows up? Just what if?'

But the time just kept ticking without him walking through that door like you wanted him to so badly. And it was nice, being surrounded by your friends that is. The cake was nice too, the presents, everyone's smiles and the glistening light the mirrorball was reflecting into the room. It was nice to see everyone having a nice time and enjoying themselves, dancing and grinning and laughing and having fun. It was nice being asked how you were doing. What wasn't nice was the way you lied through your teeth, telling everyone that you're fine while your memory kept on recalling his promise of showing up. You said you'd be here..

No, this wasn't how you had imagined the night at all. But now here you were, standing in your party dress and the red lipstick you'd chosen to impress him. It made you laugh at yourself. How silly. You knew that he was not the type who'd be easily swept away by a lipstick shade but a love-lorn girl could dream, get lost in wishful thinking, act in ways she normally wouldn't. That's how love worked, right? It made the sensible senseless and the senseless sensible. It made you act in weird ways you couldn't explain to yourself, made you not recognize yourself anymore.

You faked a big smile as your friends gathered around you and started singing happy birthday to you, blissfully unaware of your unhappy heart. Gosh, now you felt ungrateful too. How could a single person just cause so much damage in another person's being? And that unknowngly too? The crowd dissipated after you blew your candles (not daring to make a wish) and everyone got a piece of cake on their plate.

"Hey," a voice snapped you back into reality from your trance-like state, slinging an arm over your shoulder. It was Konoha. Close behind him came Yukie, holding a muffin in each hand, a little chocolate from it smeared on her mouth.

"Thanks to the birthday kid the whole gang's back together!" Konoha gave Yukie and you a bright charming smile. "Although, I haven't seen Akaashi yet, is he not here?"

You swallowed the lump in your throat and faked another smile at them. "No, he couldn't make it."

"Oh, that's too bad," Yukie chimed in and took a bite off of her muffin. "Feels like ages since we talked. Would've been nice to see him again."

"Yeah, it would've," you forced a small chuckle but it came out rather nervous. "How are you guys enjoying the party?" You quickly changed the topic.

Konoha opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by an overly enthusiastic Yukie.

"It's great! Those chocolate muffins are actually out of this world! They must be straight from heaven or something."

"So glad you like 'em!" The excitement in your voice didn't match the sinking feeling in your chest and you caught Konoha's eye, looking at you like he's noticed something is off, he just couldn't put his finger on what it was.

"Uhm- excuse me for a moment," you said as you held in your tears and pushed past your two friends, earning a confused look from Konoha behind your back. This was getting too much, you needed a quiet place or else you'd start sobbing your heart out infront of everybody. And how could you ever explain to them the reason behind your tears? They'd surely think you weren't grateful for them and their efforts.

Your heart started beating faster and faster as you ran down the hallway, looking for a secluded place to cry, the bathroom will do. You pushed down the handle, taking in a deep and shaky breath as you entered. Just when the tears were about to spill a knock and an all too familiar voice on the door made your heart skip a beat in slight panic. You watched as the door carefully opened and a pair of amber eyes peeked inside.

"Y/n." Bokuto opened the door a little wider, his hand resting on the handle, and standing behind him was Konoha with crossed arms. Both guys looked at you with concern.

The concern didn't sit quite right on Bokuto's face in in your opinion, it almost made you feel guilty for putting that expression on him. You wanted to tell them that everything's fine, that you just needed a breather and despite holding back your tears with all your force your trembling lips gave you away. They knew something wasn't right.

"What's wrong?"

And that's when you couldn't hold back your tears anymore. There was no point in hiding it.

"He said he'd be here," your voice cracked miserably. With the back of your hand you started wiping the tears away that suddenly didn't seem to wanna stop, smudging your mascara in the process. That, however, was the least of your worries right then.

Bokuto and Konoha gave each other a confused look for a moment before what you just said dawned on them and their faces lit up.

"You're crying because.. Akaashi didn't show up?" Konoha asked carefully, just to make sure they understood correctly.

Sheepishly you nodded, your face flush from both the crying and embarassement.

Bokuto on the other hand still seemed to need a moment to proccess the situation. You could see the wheels turning behind his wide eyes, when suddenly he frantically looked between you and Konoha, eventually landing his gaze on you with bright eyes.

"You like Akaashi, y/n?!"

"Shh!! Keep it do-" You were cut off by your raven haired friend who suddenly showed up behind Konoha and Bokuto.

"Y/n likes Akaashi?" Kuroo asked, intrigue in his eyes.

And there you were, a crying mess infront of your friends just because one person hadn't showed up. Pathetic wasn't enough to describe how you felt about yourself in that moment.

"No, I don't," you immediatly defended yourself, anger rising in your guts. Just how did the night turn out like this? You wanted to be in your bed, alone and cry in peace, not be bombarded with your friends asking you about him.

Both Konoha and Kuroo raised a brow, looking at each other and then at you.

"Yeeaah, sure," Konoha started. "That's why you're crying over him not being here- ouch! What?"

Kuroo had lightly punched him on his side to make him shut up and walked up to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him with your teary eyes to see a fond smile on his face.

"Hey, it's all good. We won't tell anyone else if you don't want us to," he told you reassuringly.

With a sniff you nodded and Kuroo let go of your shoulder.

"I really wanted him to be here," you confessed quietly through your sniffs with your gaze looking down at your feet. A moment of silence befell the room as the guys shared concerned looks with each other, every single one of them not quite sure how to comfort you.

Bokuto who had been quietly watching the entire time walked up to you and silently pulled you into a hug. When nothing else did the trick hugs usually helped, right? You squeezed your eyes shut in your friend's comforting embrace as more and more tears rolled down your cheeks and wet his shirt. What a shitty birthday party it was. But at least you had your friends to console you. Bokuto held you until your tears finally stopped and he pulled away to look at you with that smile of his that just looked so right on his face.

"Y/n. He really wanted to come. He would've if he could've."

Maybe it was his reassurance as Akaashi's best friend or maybe it was because of the hug but the heaviness in your heart felt a bit lighter to carry now. Just a little bit. Kuroo and Konoha both nodded along to Bokuto's reassurance.

As everything does, the night eventually came to an end too. After the little scene at the bathroom Kuroo had asked if it was time for the party to end and if he should kick everyone out. You had reassured him that it was fine and they had hesitantly accepted. After sending them away to the others so you could freshen yourself up a bit and wash the smudged makeup off of your tear stained face, your gaze had locked onto your crimson lips on the bathroom mirror. You had felt the lump in your throat again and laughed it off. I'm never wearing lipstick to impress anyone again, you'd taken a mental note for yourself and joined your friends once more.

After everyone finally left, leaving you exhausted and numb, you stared at the empty room. It didn't feel much different from when it was full with people. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't shake the feeling that the absence of his presence had brought you that night.

Your phone, buzzing on the coffeetable, brought you back to the present. You reached for it just so your heart could feel another stab upon seeing the name on your screen. Staring at your ringing phone, you almost didn't pick up but how could you not when it was him?

"Hey," your greeting went through to him and he caught the absence of joy in it. One that should've been present after a night like this.

He's not one to beat around the bush and waste people's times, especially not yours, so he replied quick and honest.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't make it."

You knew he meant it, the sincerity in his low voice was impossible to miss, that however didn't lighten the heaviness you felt in your heart.

"I'm sorry too." What else was there left to say anyway? That was the moment you knew.

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anotherblas · 11 months ago

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"taylor swift doesn't have a song for everything" ☝🤓 actually she does and i'll give the nevermore characters some lyrics and songs that i think they could relate to (and maybe cry to)

so yeah i've been listening to taylor's discography for a while now and i wanted to put my little knowledge to some use. Let's begin!!

Annabel 🎀: "Anti-hero", "champagne problems", "Mastermind"

Lenore 🔫: "the last great american dynasty", "no body, no crime", "mad woman"

Duke 🧱: "Karma", "Look what you made me do", " New romantics"

Ada 🪓: "WHITE HORSE", "right where you left me", "Don't blame me", "Slut!", "Better than revenge"

Morella 🥧: "Tied together with a smile", "You're losing me"

Will 🪥: "this is me trying", "mirrorball", " The archer"

Eulalie 🔥: "SAFE AND SOUND", "Never grow up"

Berenice 🚓: "Vigilante shit", "Bejeweled"

Montresor 🚂: "This is why we can't have nice things", "I did something bad"

Prospero 🐀: "Castle's crumbling", "long story short", "You're on your own, kid"

Pluto🐈‍⬛: "Mean", "seven"

#nevermore webtoon #nevermore webcomic #nevermore annabel lee #nevermore lenore #nevermore duke #nevermore ada #nevermore morella #nevermore will #nevermore eulalie #nevermore berenice #nevermore montresor #nevermore prospero #nevermore pluto #taylor swift #taylor swift lyrics

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hufflepuffimagines · 1 year ago

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I Don’t Know Who I Am (Conrad Fisher x Reader)

Pairing: conrad fisher x reader

Genre: fluff, hurt and comfort

Warnings: depression, sadness, anxiety

(gif isn’t mine)

You were in a room in the Fisher’s house, you were Susannah goddaughter, she always knew how hard your family is on you, so since you were a little kid, she convinced your mother to let you spend the summer with her and the boys. It was your favorite time of the year, it was the time were you could be who you were and don’t be afraid of you. No doubts the older Fisher boy, Conrad, fell in love with you and his feelings were mutual to yours, last summer you started dating. It was the best, you were feeling your greatest, everything was right until it wasn’t dealing with your mother became impossible, some girls on school started bullying you, at first you didn’t believed them, you were sure that it wasn’t truth. Until anxiety kicked in and you started overthinking, maybe it was true no one really loved you, maybe you were a burden to everyone, you’re not special and with this thoughts you started to close yourself, stopped smiling and everything lost its colors.

You were standing in front of the mirror that were in the corner of the room, looking to the tired version of you, the girl with dark circles around your eyes that used to be so bright, pail as if your skin never saw the sun and a sad look in your face. You don't recognize the person in the mirror, this doesn’t feel like the version of you that you used to known. You were about to cry when your boyfriend entered the room.

“Hey, Jere wants to get some ice cream, do you…” He stopped looking at you. “What’s wrong, babe?” He asked getting closer to you.

“I don’t know who I am.” You mumbled while sitting in your bed.

“What?” Conrad set besides you.

“When I look at myself, I don’t know who it is, who I’m dealing with, what is this thing that sure as hell isn’t me.” You started tearing up and Conrad pull you closer to him and hugged you.

“Well, I know who you are.”

“You know?” You asked confused.

“Oh, yeah, I know I know that you are a generous and loving woman, who will notice before anyone else that someone is wrong and will be the first to get up to offer help, you like to read books and you love make friendship bracelets, you like old men who play rock music. You had your heart broken by people who didn't even deserve to hold it in their hands, you are a mirrorball that reflects the light to all corners even though it is broken. You have so many facets and they don't all fit together, but you're young and they don't need to fit right now. You are like that. One day, in a while, the pieces will align and you will find your people, and maybe they will also leave your life, but new ones will come, because life is an endless cycle. A puzzle never assembles quickly enough. But the time for it to be assembled will come. Your time will come, okay?” He said calmly.

“I noticed the Taylor Swift reference.” Conrad laughed cleaning your tears.

“You have a golden heart, baby, you might not know who you are, but this is a temporary feeling.”

“I love you.

“Love you too”

This was a 100% my way to vent, damn, I'd like this Conrad in my life...

#conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher one shot #conrad fisher #The Summer I Turned Pretty #conrad #team conrad

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empress-simps · 8 months ago

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harry oneshot based on the song gold rush by taylor swift?? i always associate that song with him because no joke he captured my entire heart and soul he's so... i can't even begin to describe him.

maybe this could take place during 6th year/hbp and the reader secretly grew to have a deep admiration for him since the triwizard tournament. she yearns for him, holds him in a higher regard than practically anyone else at that school, but doesn't dare to pursue the crush because he is simply too unattainable. and harry, although nobody knows, quietly returns the feelings, viewing her in the same "gold rush" light. (ngl i'm imaging the reader to still be filipina and ravenclaw but really, it's up to you :D)

i think i'm rambling at this point but some details i thought of are stuff sort of relating to/referencing the lyrics like "At dinner parties / I call you out on your contrarian shit" meant engaging in witty conversation with harry during the slug club's dinner parties... and yeah that's it xx

Tbh, I can relate; I associate songs with a character that captures my heart🏃🏻‍♀️🫣 I also listen to songs when I write fics, it helps me think and get in the mood (also feeds my delusion-) Now, I haven’t really listened to gold rush, I sat down and listened to it, (I’m a mirrorball and archer girlie) I hope I did this fic some justice, Thank you for requesting, honey! Sorry it took so long😣 (You’re making me fall in love with him honestly)

Glint of Gold

Pairing: Harry Potter x Fem! Reader CW: None that I could think of. Possibly some typos/grammatical errors as I literally published this the second I finished writing. Summary: You’ve always felt entranced with the boy who lived- You held Harry in such a high regard it seemed that he belonged in the stars. Harry, who was marked by destiny and burdened by battles, sees you too- a glimmering presence in his gloomy and stormy world, a rush of gold in a grey.

Harry James Potter; the boy who lived. The beacon of light, hope, and resilience. His very name was a symbol of survival against immeasurable odds. It was no wonder that he was admired, he has this talent for pulling people in.

In the eyes of the world, he was the chosen one, the hero of a story still being written. But to you, he was Harry—just Harry. The boy with the lightning scar, the untidy hair, and the earnest eyes that held galaxies of unspoken emotions. You saw beyond the legend, unearthing another layer to the boy who laughed and loved, who felt pain and loss.

You know everybody wants him. Everybody wondered what it would be like to be noticed, loved, or be deemed important to him. It is a certain thought that made negative emotions swirl inside you, but who are you to judge? You’re one of those people, it would make you a hypocrite.

In the golden glow of the great hall, you watch him across your house’s table. Murmurs of hushed conversations were strewn across the vastness of the hall, clinking of silverware across the tables was nothing compared to the sound of your heartbeat pulsing in your ears as your eyes were met with his.

You tried to deny it, but you wanted him. It might sound stupid but the only thing that’s holding you back is the fear of the unknown, the what-ifs swirled and haunted your thoughts. What if he saw you as nothing more than a fellow student? What if your feelings were as invisible as a Disillusionment Charm? What if you were just another face in the crowd to him? The idea of rejection was paralyzing.

You’d rehearse conversations in your mind, imagining witty banter and shared secrets. Yet, when faced with Harry’s actual presence, your tongue would twist into knots, and you’d blurt out something absurd like, “Did you know that Hippogriffs can dance the waltz?” Making Harry chuckle and you a blushing mess as you stammered the next words that came to mind.

You were known for your wit, yet words failed you every time you tried to speak to him. He was Harry Potter, and you were just another student who admired him from afar.

“Harry’s quite good looking, yeah?” Your friend casually comments, eyeing you as she eats some of her pudding for dessert. Your eyes widened, feeling your heartbeat quicken, words spewed out of your mouth, desperately trying to defend yourself.

“Huh?!? I wasn’t looking at him- honest!”

Your other friend shot you a knowing look, “Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, Y/n.”

But as you lay in your bed that night, staring at the canopy above, you couldn't help but let your mind wander to the possibility of 'what if he knows me? Likes me?'. The thought sent a thrill through you, a rush of adrenaline that felt like flying. You imagined the softness of his smile, how the warmth of his hands holding yours will also warm your heart, and the way your name sounded when it rolls off his tongue.

Being invited to Professor Slughorn’s Slug Club dinner party came as a surprise for you. Although you were delighted since that would mean you’ll have an excuse to mingle with other students (read as Harry, lol.). The room buzzed with chatter, but none of that mattered as you were immersed in the conversation between you, Harry, and the other students.

You finally found your voice, leaning in, a mischievous glint was present in your eye. "You know, Harry," she teased, "for a guy who's all about breaking rules, your take on potions is pretty out there."

Harry's laughter was infectious, the kind that made you want to join in. "Yeah?" he shot back with a smile, “Well, I've never been one to just follow the recipe. Where's the fun in that?" She couldn't help but laugh too, he leaned back, arms crossed, a mock-serious look on his face. "You could say that. I'm all about stirring things up. Literally."

For a moment, the world felt like it was yours and Harry's alone.

As the year progressed, your moments together became a series of stolen treasures—a glance, a smile, a conversation that lingered in thoughts. Each encounter was a brushstroke in a larger portrait of what could be, a potential future painted in hues of hope and yearning.

You clearly understood the weight he carried on his young shoulders with your intelligence. And he, in turn, recognized the light you brought into his shadowed existence. It is a contrast of light and dark, a blend of strength and softness.

There was never a dull moment when you had class with Gryffindor students, especially in Charms. Watching him from afar, you stole glances, heart like a fluttering moth drawn to the flame of his presence. So, when Professor Flitwick announced he will pair students each from your house and the Gryffindor’s, you felt your heartbeat thud quickly. Even more so when he announced you would be paired with the Golden Boy himself.

The next day, you found a note tucked into your Charms book. It was written in a messy scrawl that you'd recognize anywhere—Harry's handwriting. "Meet me by the lake after dinner?" it read. Your heart leapt. Maybe, just maybe, this was the start of something.

Under the moon’s silvery glow, you ambled your way to the Black Lake. The crumpled note in your pocket with Harry’s handwriting was smudged due to you reading it countless times. You waited for him patiently, looking at the moon, humming and trying to keep yourself occupied. After what seems to be like an eternity later, he arrived. His hair was ruffled, looking like he had just run from the Gryffindor tower all the way to your location. His silhouette framed by moonlight; your heart somersaulted.

“Y/n,” he said, his voice soft. “Thanks for coming, I wanted to talk.”

You nod, feeling your tongue suddenly heavy with words unsaid. “About what?”

He bit his lip, a habit of his that you noticed he tend to do when he’s nervous. “You know, the important stuff.”

And then, he pulled out his Charms textbook—the pages worn and dog-eared from years of use. “I thought we could go over some charms we need to perform for Professor Flitwick,” he said. “You know, practice makes perfect.” Harry shrugs, offering a smile.

Your heart skipped a beat. “But we’ve already mastered almost everything.” Raising your eyebrow, you protested. “Why revisit it?” Harry’s eyes sparkled.

Because it’s not about wand movements or anything of the sort. It’s about bridging the gap between us. Harry thought.

“There’s one thing the textbook doesn’t teach,” He confesses, trying to calm his pounding heart.

“What’s that?” you raised an eyebrow.

He hesitated, then slowly and surely cupped your face in his hands. “The magic of connection,” he said. Then, he kissed you—a soft, lingering kiss. The Charms book lay forgotten in the grass. Pulling away, he smiles, taking your hand in his, running his thumb across your knuckles.

“I don’t know what our future holds,” he starts, “But I do know I want you to be in mine.”

“Together?”

“Together.”

The Golden Boy was no longer a distant constellation. He was here, real, and beside you; the sole witnesses of the exchange are the moon and the black lake.

It wasn't a grand declaration, but it was real and honest, and to you, it was everything.

#harry potter x reader #harry potter x y/n #harry x reader #harry potter x you #harry potter #harry potter fluff #ron weasley #hermione granger #hp fanfic

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iwannakisskissyoureyesagain · 1 year ago

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idek how to describe this genre of character but yk the ditzy, airy girls who are actually super smart and also super autistic? the sapphic ones with intimidating best friends who they’re definitely a little in love with, who act as their bodyguards bc they’re just little fairy girlies who’re living in their own worlds? the ones who are a mix of “lacy” by olivia rodrigo, mxmtoon’s revisited album, and “mirrorball” by taylor swift? the girlies who def need therapy but they’re baking or painting or hanging out with random animals? yeah those ones. i love them.

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heyyyharry · 2 years ago

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Hits Different (from the Flatmate series)

...in which Harry goes to the club while his flatmate goes on a blind date.

Word count: 2.6k

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s unreleased song “Hits Different”

___♥___

The muffled club music was still thrumming in Harry’s ear as he splashed his face with cold water. He stared at his reflection in the dirty mirror. Jesus, had he been looking like this all night long? His eyes were red and his hair suggested that he’d either just had sex or just got out of bed five minutes ago. Neither of that was true. He’d been living off of coffee for the past few days because of the exam season, and he really wished he was having sex right now instead of hiding in the loo, suffocating from the smell of urine and vomit.

The door swung open all of a sudden and Niall rushed in, face taut with worry. “Mate, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Harry murmured as he washed his hands under the running tap. Niall looked the opposite of him – so clean and sober, with his hair neatly pushed back, and his white polo shirt made him look like he’d just gone golfing. Harry looked even more of a mess now with Niall’s reflection behind him in the mirror.

“You sure you’re alright? We’re worried about you,” Niall indeed looked worried.

But before Harry could deflect the accusation that he might not be alright, Layla walked in, wearing a silver sequin dress that made her look like a mirrorball. Layla always treated the club like her Met Gala as it was her way of manifesting an invitation for the event in the future. But seeing Niall and now Layla made Harry feel even more like shit.

“Harry, are you taking drugs?” she asked, eyes wide.

“What? No.” Harry scoffed, frantically pushing his hair back. “Why? Do I look like I’m on drugs?” A pause. “Wait, what are you doing in the men’s room?”

Layla ignored that as she pushed past Niall to grab Harry and started fixing his hair and shirt.

“I think we should take him home, Layla,” Niall said.

“No, we agreed to go out tonight, so we’re gonna have a great time,” Layla said while aggressively tugging at Harry’s sleeves to straighten them.

“He’s clearly drunk,” Niall breathed. “We should take him home.”

“Why are you guys talking about me like I’m not here?”

“He’ll get over it,” Layla told Niall as she stepped back and looked at Harry, satisfied with her work. “He’s just being dramatic.”

“I’m the dramatic one?” Harry gasped. “Said the shiniest girl in the club.”

“At least I’m not being emo in the toilet because my crush is on a date.”

“I don’t have a crush on Y/N.”

“Denial is a river in Egypt.”

“Layla, give him a break.”

“Let’s get back out there,” Harry said, not wanting to argue with Layla right now. Besides, they were finally playing a song he knew.

___♥___

Oh, my, love is a lie

Shit my friends say to get me by

It hits different

It hits different this time

Catastrophic blues

Movin' on was always easy for me to do

It hits different

It hits different 'cause it's you

As it turned out, Harry hated that song. It was the one Y/N had sent him earlier this week on Whatsapp, and he only listened to it because she loved it. Now they were playing it in this bar and it made him chug down more pints than he could count, and by the time he’d made it out of the club, his knees were wobbly and his head spinning.

Layla threw her big coat on, and Niall shivered in his trench coat, but Harry, with only his jumper on and alcohol flooding in his blood streams, was not affected by the October chill.

I wonder what Y/N is doing right now.

“Bet she’s having a better night than us,” Layla muttered, and Harry realised he’d said that aloud.

“Layla, don’t say that.” Niall put an arm around Harry to help him stand. “Let’s get you home, Harry.”

“Can we pick up Y/N?”

“We don’t know where she is.”

“I’ll text her.”

“Don’t you dare.” Layla snatched the phone out of his hand before he could even unlock it. “The only night that Y/N gets to not be boring and you’re plotting to ruin it for her. Also, you’re being very selfish right now, mentioning her when you’re with us.”

Harry felt his stomach churn. “Do you think she’s having fun?”

“Well, obviously. She would have texted you if she wanted to leave the date. She might meet someone who’s perfect for her and fall in love and live happily ever after with him–”

Before Layla could finish painting that picture, Harry braced his hand on the wall beside him. He heard Layla scream as vomit pooled beneath him, staining his shoes, his stomach clenching in pain. Niall’s voice was muffled, though Harry could feel Niall’s hand rubbing his back.

While the taste of vomit passed down his tongue and filled him with shame and regret, the memory of tY/N getting ready for her blind date stormed back into his head, and when he thought about another man touching her, the second torrent of sludge exited mouth.

“These boots are vintage!” Layla screeched. Harry feared that she’d start crying, but instead, she just smacked him with her purse, knocking him onto the ground.

Through his fluttering eyelids, he could see how scared Layla was because she hadn’t expected him to fall. It wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t hit him that hard; it was his legs that decided to give in, and so he sat on the pavement, head against the cold brick wall.

This felt too comfortable, he thought, eyes pinched shut. Maybe he should just stay here…

___♥___

“Is that a new hat?”

“Yup, just got it from a charity shop,” Y/N said as she studied her reflection in her full-length mirror. Harry stood in her doorway, a piece of toast in hand, chewing as he watched her. Y/N rarely got dressed up, so when she did, it was extremely noticeable. It wasn’t really because she thought she was too cool for all those girly things, but she’d once told him that she felt like putting on something nice would draw attention to herself and she hated that. Now she was wearing a new knitted hat and a bright blue trench coat that she’d worn once for a book club event.

She wanted to get someone’s attention.

Not another gay neighbour, Harry hoped.

“Where are you going?” he asked, trying to act casual as he leaned a shoulder against the doorframe.

She paid him no attention and kept on trying to pick out a lint from her cream knitted hat. “Oh, just this blind date that Sian set me up on.”

“What? Blind date with whom?”

Now she finally turned around to face him. “Harry, it’s called a blind date for a reason. I don’t know who I’m going to meet.”

“Okay, that sounds safe,” he said sarcastically. “Who’s this Sian and why do they want you killed?”

“Sian is my boss.”

“At the student office? Isn’t she like thirty?”

“It’s with one of her cousins, I think.”

“Hmmm, still sounds sketchy to me,” Harry said as he took a huge bite of his toast and started chewing aggressively. “Do you want me to go with you? Just to be safe.”

“No, Harry, I would prefer not to have you on my date with me.”

“I’ll just be in the background. If he turns out to be a decent guy, I’ll go away.”

Y/N tilted her head and gave him a look that said ‘Really?’ sarcastically, of course.

“Please?” He didn’t know what else to say.

“You don’t see me asking to go with you on your dates!” said Y/N.

“That’s because I know who I’m going on a date with?” He laughed dryly. “Also, my ‘dates’ aren’t actual dates. It’s just sex.”

“Said that to all the girls who came up to me to ask why you ghosted them.”

“Well…” He thought for a moment. “I didn’t have feelings for them, so it was better to rip the bandage off.”

Y/N let out a laugh, but he didn’t think she found it funny. “I’m not getting relationship advice from someone who switches out his Barbies and skips town like an asshole outlaw.”

“Hey!” he said. “But I like that…asshole outlaw.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and sat down at her desk to start doing her makeup. Harry guessed it was his cue to leave, but he didn’t want to just give up like that.

“I’m not giving you relationship advice,” he said.

“Oh, you’re still here,” she sighed, her back still turned to him.

He went on anyway. “I’m just saying that it’s not safe to go on a blind date in London. People get stabbed left and right in this hell hole.”

“I’ll be fine. Besides, if he turns out to be a creep, I’ll text you.”

That sounded more reassuring, but not exactly what Harry wanted to hear. “Okay,” he breathed. “Keep me updated. Stay safe.”

“I’ll get condoms.”

“Ew, I did not ask for that information.” Why did she have to say that? Now all he could think about was her having sex with this stranger?

Y/N glanced at him over her shoulder and smiled. “I’m just kidding. I’ll go slow. I’m a relationship type of girl, Harry.”

“Good…to know.” He awkwardly nodded. “I’ll leave you to do your thing.”

“Thank you. Shut the door on your way out, please.”

He rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him.

___♥___

“She was very excited about her new hat,” he murmured.

In his daze, he heard Layla ask, “What?”

“Y/N got a new hat. I should’ve complimented her.”

“Are you seriously crying over a hat?”

“I’m not crying.” He sniffled. “I’m just…cold.”

“Do you want my coat?” asked Niall. He loved Niall. Niall was cool.

Harry blinked up at the blurry outlines of his two friends, backlit by the pink neon light of the club. Layla looked like a disco ball now and he found it amusing.

“I want to go home with Y/N,” he slurred, thinking he sounded quite robotic.

“Our Uber should be here in five minutes,” Niall reassured Harry while pulling him back to his feet. “But we’ll have a conversation about this when you’re sober.”

“About what?”

“About the fact that you don’t want to admit you’re in love with Y/N.”

“No, I’m not…” It took him a moment to get the words out, “I mean, if I was capable of love, she’d be the only one that I love. But since I’m not, I’m…not.”

“That makes no sense.”

“It kinda is,” Layla chimed in. “Love is a lie, anyway. Also, you’re always whining about needing your own space. You and Y/N would never work.”

“Layla!”

“What? I’m trying to talk some sense into him. I think he just wants her because she doesn’t want him and he has a massive ego.”

“I’m still here.”

“Yeah, and I said what I said,” Layla told him. “Besides, moving on is always easy for you to do. You’ll forget about Y/N the next time you lay eyes on a hot girl.”

Harry would like to say that it wasn’t true, but maybe Layla had a point. He knew his nature, and Y/N didn’t deserve someone like that.

“I’m a relationship type of girl, Harry.”

They said when it’s right, you’ll know, but nothing had ever felt so wrong. He supposed the real reason he was so upset was because Y/N seemed to know what she wanted, and he didn’t. In his head, he was cursing the space that he needed and the doubt that he had for himself. If he just knew what he wanted–

“Our Uber is here,” Niall said as a black car pulled over in front of them, headlights blinding.

He heard Layla say, “Let’s stop inviting him out.”

He wanted to tell her to stop talking about him when he was right here, but now that he was in the comfortable backseat instead of the pavement, sleep quickly enveloped him.

___♥___

Dreams.

Harry was dreaming. Well, he must be, because just a moment ago, he was in the Uber with his friends, and now he was sitting on the sofa with Y/N and it was morning again. He felt fine, not a single drop of alcohol in his system. She was wearing her joggers and a massive hoodie. While she perused the book in her hands, the sun from the window behind her made it look like she was made of light, and he sat and stared.

For the first time, it felt so simple. He knew what he wanted, and it was to hold her for a while and tell her how much he loved her hair, her stare, and her sense of belief in the good in the world and, well, in him.

It was the sound of the key turn in the hallway that made him start awake. The room was dark and he was covered in sweat. Was she at the door? Was she okay?

No, just his neighbour coming home.

And so he sat there with his head in his hands, wishing he could go back to the dream.

“You’re alive.”

The voice made him jump. Y/N stood by the kitchen door, backlit by the kitchen light, looking just like she had in his dream.

“When did you get home?” he asked, catching his breath.

She seemed amused by his reaction. “Before you. Niall and Layla dropped you off.”

Fuck.

“Did they say something to you?”

“Nope. Oh, Layla did mention you’d need to pay for her vintage shoes, though. I saw what you’d done to them.” She made a face. “I assume that would cost you a whole month of night-outs.”

Harry kneaded his temples to ease away the headache while trying not to make eye contact with her. The last topic he would want to discuss now was Layla. “How was the date?”

“It was alright,” she said and sat down beside him. “He was nice.”

He glanced at her. “And?”

She shrugged. “Friends vibe.”

Harry had to fight the urge to punch the air and start dancing in circles around the room. With a straight face, he said, “That sucks.”

“Oh, well, I’m not giving up that easily. I’ll meet someone,” she said with a smile as if she knew something that he didn’t, and Harry didn’t like that at all.

“Go shower. You stink,” she said and stood up.

If she thought he would let this end so easily, she didn’t know him at all.

“Wait.”

“Hmm?”

“You said…friends vibe. Was it…like you and me?”

It took her a few seconds to process the question. “No.” She shook her head. “Nothing like you and me. I don’t know…we’re different.”

“How different?”

“Sometimes, I want to strangle you. Other times, I like being around you.” And when she saw the look he was giving her, she went on, “You do have a lot of redeemable qualities, Harry. You’re like a likeable villain.”

Likeable or not, Harry didn’t want to be a villain. The villain never gets the girl.

“Nah, I’m the main guy.”

Her lips curled. “The type that should be killed off but lives?”

“Yeah, an anti-hero. You wouldn’t want me killed. I could still melt your world, not like those boring Ken dolls out there.”

“See, whenever you say things like that I want to strangle you,” she scoffed, shaking her head. “Good night, Harry.”

Harry said nothing as he watched her walk away. His argumentative, antithetical dream girl.

___♥___

"Hits Different"

I washed my hands of us at the club You made a mess of me I pictured you with other girls in love Then threw up on the street Like waiting for a bus that never shows You just start walkin' on They say that if it's right, you know Each bar plays our song Nothing has ever felt so wrong

Oh, my, love is a lie Shit my friends say to get me by It hits different It hits different this time Catastrophic blues Movin' on was always easy for me to do It hits different It hits different 'cause it's you

('Cause it's you)

I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost Rip the band-aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw Freedom felt like summer then on the coast Now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings And I never don't cry (And I never don't cry) at the bar Yeah, my sadness is contagious (My sadness is contagious) I slur your name 'til someone puts me in a car I stopped receiving invitations

('Cause it's you)

I find the artifacts, cried over a hat Cursed the space that I needed I trace the evidence, make it make some sense Why the wound is still bleedin' You were the one that I loved Don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough A wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes This is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy Dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief In the good in the world, you once believed in me And I felt you and I held you for a while Bet I could still melt your world Argumentative, antithetical dream girl

I heard your key turn in the door down the hallway Is that your key in the door? Is it okay? Is it you? Or have they come to take me away? To take me away

Oh, my, love is a lie Shit my friends say to get me by It hits different (It hits different) It hits different this time Catastrophic blues Movin' on was always easy for me to do It hits different (It hits different) It hits different 'cause it's you

Oh, my, love is a lie Shit my friends say to get me by 'Cause it's you Catastrophic blues Movin' on was always easy for me to do It hits different (Yeah) It hits different 'cause it's you

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