#mind you she's ... actually not my favourite.... Bodhi is

[scige-archive]

welcome 2 my twisted mind ex dee ?

PREFERRED NAME — james uwu

PRONOUNS — she/they

AGE — 20

TIMEZONE — est

HOW OFTEN ARE YOU ONLINE? — everyday all day usually hjfdnkmg

HOW DID YOU HEAR OF WATERSHED? — i actually first found lockwood while going through the recommended blogs on mobile when you search up things via it (i think it was ‘new rp’ tht i searched) n then the next i checked they’d gone ovr to watershed n then there were Other Things bt i didnt end up joining until a few weeks or like a month later impulsively n now its been many months n im still here BJDNSKFMG love u guys

DISCORD — sniff #3644 where im also always online

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — musing @svrgcnts​ n my pinterest is ‘big tid’ or offbrandsodapop uuuhh i dont think theres anything else!

MYER-BRIGGS — infp turned istp we call tht character growth

HP HOUSE — i honestly dont know anymore ive gotten all of the houses before bt ive just taken a test n i got slytherin so like :///

ZODIAC — aquarius!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — not to the point where it dictates who i like / dislike

DO YOU ENJOY ASTROLOGY? — ya im a slut for when things tell me what im supposed to be like bc i dont have a sense of identity

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — uh like 19 bt ive been rping since i was 10

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — early 2018 so actually i might’ve been 18 for a lil bit DJNKFLG

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — listen i’ve had many, many good experiences bt for some reason what came to mind first was a weird owner/slave smut rp tht i stumbled across (never joined bc im ... not like that) n i was just rly baffled by the concept even tho ik its a Thing bc i thought smut rps died out like in 2017 BJDNFKMG

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — i want a fucking capybara

WHAT PET DO YOU GENUINELY CONSIDER GETTING SOMEDAY? — i want a cat even though im rly allergic to them

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — the apocalypse made me brave by girlfriends

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — um probably like ,,, the crucible ,,,

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — god i dont know i’m not hard to please bt i wont lie i also like ... didn’t finish half the books i was supposed to read in high school. of mice & men maybe ... i hated books that didn’t do much n just wrote a whole bunch of nothing even tho i like those books now ... i think bc they were for school ... outside of school i hated the hazelwood n i think that the grisha trilogy is a bit. weak. bt i love six of crows. n also the um. theres this one YA series tht i never read bt i can tell i dont like NJKSMDFFDG

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — schitt’s creek DSJKNFDGF um i’ve also been watching gossip girl a lot & also asoue & also also i just started watching um end of the f***ing world n its very good so ?? i watched the first episode of his dark materials n i liked it n i havent finished looking for alaska bt its also very good

WHAT FILM DID YOU LAST WATCH? DID YOU LIKE IT? — uuuhh i think it was scream tbh ??? and ya it was p swell

FAVOURITE QUOTE — im a slut for anne carson bt i cant name any quotes directly rn i have rocks for brains

LINK TO A VINE / TIK TOK / VIDEO THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this immediately came to mind

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — i used to write outside of rp bt i havent in ages bt when i do its usually like modern magic / urban fantasy / whatevr those kinda elements n abt faeries bc i like faeries

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL LOVE & TRUST — jenna marbles, micarah tewers, and uh ,,, claire frm bon apetit

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — cary elwes ... andrew scott ... anne hathaway ... first three tht came to mind

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — no bt david dobrik was in miami and i was NOT and im UPSET bc i want his MONEY

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am not in pain. thats it thats all

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — jeffrey epstein was murdered haha jk thats not a conspiracy theory thats FACTS

ARE ALIENS REAL? — ya sure why not

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — lily’s garden please play im level 1241

PLAY ANY OTHER GAMES? WHICH ONES? — i played all the bioshock games n rly enjoyed them ... deponia the entire series which is still my favorite video game 2 this day

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — i never finished my rewatch of the golden compass bt thats just bc i didnt feel like finishing it uuuh ... i dont know i enjoy things too easily

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — buttons n seashells and rocks and flowers until theyre dead and then i collect dead flowers and then empty glass bottles that look kinda cool and jewelry boxes or tin containers and i used to kiss an index card every time i wore lipstick and kept it, i had over 100 filed away for no reason at all bt i lost them & then i also collect condoms :/

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — i wna learn how 2 make jewelry n like ,,, embroidery bt i know how to embroider i just wanna get back into it n i wna learn like. knowledge. academic stuff too bt im also too lazy and im just a dumb old horse so :/

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian n french n ig spanish too

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — shrek ? austin powers ? princess diaries / elle enchanted ?? halloweentown n all the sequels ??

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — shawn spencer frm psych, veronica mars, penelope garcia frm criminal minds, mike myers’ cat in the hat, dr. evil frm austin powers bt also his son scott evil, scooby doo probably, daria ??? i relate to my dog bodhi :/ puddles the clown

IS THERE ANY MEDIA (BOOK/MOVIE/GAME/TV SHOW) YOU FEEL CHANGED YOU IN SOME WAY? — six of crows / fleabag / deponia theyve all made me cry before bt like. continuously cry.

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no.

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — um. redacted

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — big fish directed by tim burton go stare at danny devito’s bare ass do it do it do it i never even finished the movie i dont think BJNSKDMLFG

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? (IF NOT APPLICABLE, WHO DO YOU LIKE MOST IN THE TWILIGHT SERIES) — edward

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — um thts rly hard bc i dont know bt i have a ticket so let me just check ,,, the joker i went n saw the joker

DO YOU STILL READ FOR FUN? — occasionally bt i dont have motivation so

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — n/a BDKFJ

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 5 bt thats just bc im not feeling gr8 today

[scige-alt]

YOUR ALIAS & NICKNAMES — james bt usually its spelled JAMES bt irl i’ve been called jimbo and jam and jammies and jimjam n w/e endearing terms bc i am precious

AGE — 20

TIMEZONE — est

PREFERRED PRONOUNS — she/they bt the she is more out of convenience fr others n also nothing bothers me

MBTI — istp i share this with bri and also my character viktor bt ive also gotten infp before i think which is almost the complete opposite so! take tht as u will

HP HOUSE — oh wait i actually know this i took a fckn quiz hold on. ok i took this fucker right here and i got burned gryffindor primary, model hufflepuff primary, gryffindor secondary, n model hufflepuff secondary which boils down 2 ... i dont know

ARE YOU A STUDENT? WHAT DO YOU STUDY? — technically yes but i havent taken a class in a year bt i used to be a social work major n then i was gna switch to english n then i wanted to do environmental / coastal / marine biology / science bt then i realized i cant do math so idk

ARE YOU ENJOYING IT? — i was :/

LINKS TO OTHER ACCOUNTS & SOCIAL MEDIA — i dont like being perceived bt my twitter is @fauxcherub and my pinterest is @offbrandsodapop / big tid and im too lazy 2 link them so im sry bt also my rph is @svrgcnts​ n my theme is unfinished ignore it

DISCORD USER — sniff#3644 i think

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FICTION GENRE? — i like modern fantasy / urban fantasy just like. modern magic. modern. bt mostly fr books. fr like films n tv shows i dont know i binge watch gossip girl and eat several oranges

TOP FIVE FAVOURITE FILMS — i ...... dont know .... pride n prejudice, austin powers, halloweentown n co’, the princess bride, the princess diaries or ella enchanted

A BOOK YOU FEEL “CHANGED” YOU? — i read the darkest minds when i was a freshmen in high school and it was the first book that ever made me cry and i think it unlocked the part of me that genuinely feels emotion because ever since i read it i cry multiple times a week to every single day at like. everything. so. its not even a revolutionary book i just really liked it

A MOVIE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? — probably pride n prejudice i wont lie but also if something stars mike myers chances r that its on my mind

WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? — aquarius sun, aquarius moon, cancer rising

ARE YOU INTO ASTROLOGY? — not 2 the point where i hate u if ur a gemini i just think its fun 2 b like ‘haha i do that’

WHAT PLATFORMS HAVE YOU ROLEPLAYED ON? — facebook n club penguin

WHAT OTHER HOBBIES DO YOU HAVE? — im a shell of a person.

HAVE ANY PETS? IF SO, TALK ABOUT THEM! — harley n bodhi i love them and so do u harley is a pit mix maybe possibly idk? and bodhi’s a shiba and theyre opposites. harley is so nice. bodhi is an asshole. i love them so much

IS THERE A TV SHOW YOU RECOMMEND A LOT? — i rly liked fleabag but schitt’s creek mostly. i also liked the politician but i want to punt ryan murphy so. i think the haunting of hill house is also a good show

ANY SHOWS YOU LIKE SOME MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT YOU DO? — i think im too predictable bt if anybody wants to tell me the answer to this please do

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — god i think i was reading strange the dreamer by laini taylor or smth like that bt ya i was enjoying it even though i stopped halfway thru and havent picked it up in a year

CURRENTLY READING? — i cant read

LAST FILM? REC IT? — the joker and no.

THREE MOVIES YOU NEED TO WATCH — practical magic bt i told myself i wouldnt watch it until i do my replies, perks of being a wallflower, n uuuhhh beautiful boy (thank u neen)

WHAT MOVIE DO YOU THINK YOU’VE SEEN THE MOST TIMES? — austin powers or halloweentown or shrek i wont lie its probably shrek yeah its shrek

WHAT ALWAYS PUTS YOU IN A GOOD MOOD? — the gc usually :/

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICIAN / BAND? LIST IF THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE. — lady lamb bt im mad at her bc she hasnt toured to florida and all i want is to see her live bt im really feeling bay faction lately bt also mcr bc im emo but im kind of a few songs frm every artist type of person n not like entire discographies except fr the bands ive just listed

WILD NIGHT OUT OR QUIET NIGHT IN? — house parties r cool bt i like 2 be. in bed most of the time

ANY PHOBIAS? — none tht i can recall atm bt i have a lot of anxieties in general :/

DO YOU LIKE BUGS? — depends on the bug ...

BIRDS? — mostly no but ig it depends on the bird ... i like them frm afar bt their talons scare me

ARE YOU A CAT OR DOG PERSON? BOTH? — im v allergic to cats bt i want a cat so mf badly. but also ig im a dog person bc ive. always owned a dog

BIGGEST PET PEEVE? — like. not being self aware. passive aggression. the rpc

FAVOURITE THING ABOUT THE RPC? — this is a trick question

TOP TEN FAVE FCS TO USE? — dev patel, avan jogia, natalia dyer, bill skarsgard, medalion rahimi, naomi scott, ella purnell, freya mavor, liana liberato, sky ferreira.

FIVE YOU LIKE WRITING AGAINST? — i dnt rly focus on the fcs of other muses so i dnt think i can answer this. austin butler.

FAVOURITE TYPE OF FOOD? — mexican food i would eat it everyday if i could

WORST FOOD? — i think sushi is gross

DO YOU PLAY VIDEOGAMES? IF SO, WHAT ONES AND ON WHAT PLATFORM DO YOU PREFER? — not frequently. i like the bioshock like. series. universe. bt i like point n click adventures a lot ... deponia is my favorite game series theres like four of them n ive finished them in 8 consecutive hours each. i only use pc

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE TAG? — im so sleepy

LASTLY, HOW DID YOU FIND US? — drama SJNKDFMG

[sanerontheinside]

Saner’s Excessive Synopsis

@rusc-of-airgead here’s 45 - Share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet. from this post | come and ask me things

Considering how many fics I have, this is always a safe question. Whether I’ll stick to a synopsis, or instead plan out an entire story in one post, or even write bits of it as I go, however, is a toss-up. Here’s a Rogue fic, but I have barely written anything for this yet, so expect this to get out of hand:

Reincarnation is a bitch. (Or, waking up one day in your reality with memories of another is - highly inconvenient at best.) @oddlyexquisite, still blame you for this. :D pls enjoy. Also tagging @dr-fumbles-mcstupid​, @meggory84​, @godoflaundrybaskets​, @obaewankenope​, @lilyrose225writes​, @kyberpunk​, @meabhair​, @maawi​, @eclipsemidnight​. Come yell at me when you read this. 

Years ago, Galen Erso escaped the Empire with Saw Gerrera’s help. Instead of running and hiding with Saw’s rebels, though, Galen and Lyra make an early mistake and are picked up by the Alliance, long before Krennic could get a hold of them. Lucky for them, someone on the Alliance was familiar with Erso’s work, which means they actually had the option to defect. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Erso agrees to work for the Alliance instead. 

Erso has been working on various odd projects through the years. He’s the sw equivalent of a theoretical physicist, let’s say, so most of his work is more related to weapons and shields. 

Jyn grew up between hanging out with pilots and, occasionally, with Saw. The Alliance didn’t always consider him a radical. She’s a recruiter, one of the best the Alliance has. She knows what people want, she knows how to keep them from getting it. She hates it sometimes, luring a disenfranchised Imp out into giving up useful intel, getting them to do something for the Rebellion, knowing they probably won’t make it out alive and the Alliance doesn’t - can’t, doesn’t have the resources to - care about their fate. Not unless they have a mind like Galen Erso, and you can imagine how few of those there are. Number them between two Human hands, and that’s how many you’d still find who weren’t entrapped and closely guarded by the Empire. But if Jyn finds one, if she’s very lucky, she knows how to talk rings around them, too. (Perhaps she knows them best of all).

She works with Cassian, by the way, who taught her a great deal about recruiting. But she is small, and slight, and often overlooked. The first time she saw Cassian kill a contact who would have slowed them down, she didn’t speak to him for a day or more. She’s not an idealist, she’s a survivor, she learned enough in her early years on the run from her father and mother and Saw. She knows why, that’s not the problem. 

Maybe the problem is that she does it too. She sends her recruits back into the jaws of death and none of them will make it out, and she will never save them. She’s just never the one to fire the shot. And maybe, with too many close shaves between them, too many deaths on her heart already, with the knowledge that the Imps are still people even if the Empire never gave a damn (especially because the Empire never gave a damn), it makes her feel a bit sick, feel a bit like she’s no better. 

Cassian (bless the man) says nothing. Just gives her the time she needs. They’ve fought bitterly over this in the past, over how he can shove his guilt aside and fight for the Rebellion, fight for an ideal. But Jyn, the daughter of a man who chose to flee the Empire for better or for worse to keep his brilliant mind away from them, Jyn would sooner question an order that she thinks is wrong, would rather investigate on her own and not regret pulling the trigger later. Maybe she is naive still. She doesn’t care, it’s not something she ever wants to lose.

When the reports come in from Jedha, when the Empire begins its stripmining of kyber and theft from the Temple, when the rumours of it finally reach Galen, he is the first to realise what the Empire is using it for. He’s known for years that Empire wouldn’t need him to complete the project, known that they could figure it out without his mind, that he was completely replaceable. That doesn’t mean he didn’t have hopes they’d never figure it out. 

It’s why his projects for the Alliance are shield designs. It’s the reason he still works on shields while Draven pressures him into designing weapons. The only problem is, he still doesn't know how to beat his own weapon. So he begs the Alliance to stop the mining process, to send word to Saw, stage some kind of battle, something, anything, sabotage the project. Buy him more time. Defend Jedha - the Alliance does not have the resources - just NiJedha then! Send Jyn, he’ll talk to her, Saw will talk to her!

They send Jyn, and they send Cassian and K2 to watch her back. Jedha’s a rough place, after all, and there’s no guarantee that Saw will talk to her, or that he’s even still alive. In NiJedha, they meet Chirrut and Baze, and Bodhi. Bodhi, who is watching the Empire destroy what was once his home, the place he was born, the Temple that, before they tried to raid it, was much as he remembers. He watched the troopers advance on the Temple that first time, only to find that a small force of Guardians - a mere handful! - could hold them off with few injuries, maybe no casualties. 

When the Imps retreated, when the only people left near the Temple were the miners and the cargo pilots, Bodhi ventured out to the Temple, drawn to a familiar sense of it. Bodhi was one of the first to have odd flashes of awareness of some sort of past life, maybe because the Empire was busily burning out all of its pilots on stims, or maybe just because Bodhi was Bodhi. It’s hard to say. The first time he gets any sort of feeling of peace, though, is when he crouches down at the steps of the old Temple and sits there, for a time, with the remaining monks. Just breathing. Feeling the ground beneath him, basking in the sense of home, no matter how broken. 

It’s not like, in the last few years, he hasn’t had niggling feelings of wrong. Feelings that are treason, that he, at first, tried to bury. He doesn’t bury them these days. He studies them, at first in a detached sort of way. He watches, maybe better than anyone else. He forgets nothing. But once he accepts those feelings, once he realises that to the Empire his life is nothing, and he is not nothing - 

That certainty comes first, and this is important. It’s only after this that the Force starts dropping visions on his head, of a different life, of one where they had a few days to blaze a trail across the stars and bring hope to the Rebellion. 

Their first meeting is actually pretty similar [to the last time they did this]. Saw’s people interrupt a shipment of kyber. Chirrut picks a fight with the Imps. Baze grumbles, but follows him into the fray. Bodhi disables his own cargo ship and a few of the others. Cassian and Jyn pass off watching each other’s backs, and shoot one of Saw’s people. 

They all end up in the same one place at the end of the fray. Bodhi doesn’t have plans to steal or to give to Saw, because he never was on Eadu, he never met the person designing the Death Star, there was never even a flaw engineered into it. Saw’s rag-tag group of rebels shows up takes all of them anyway. 

Jyn spends precious time trying to talk Saw into helping them. It’s easier, and it’s harder. It’s still early days for the invasion, the resistance on Jedha is still strong. Planning a coordinated attack could still be possible, especially since Chirrut has half a mind to convince a few of the surviving Guardians to join in. 

( “It won’t work,” Baze tells him. 

“It will,” Chirrut insists. “They’re fighting for their home.”) 

There’s a tense moment for Bodhi, when Saw has half a mind to throw him to the bor gullet all the same. Bodhi, who finds Saw just as scary as last time, if not worse. But Bodhi is rather like he was last time, too - scared, oh hells, terrified, but he’s never let that stop him before. Bodhi, who’s been watching, carefully, for the last several years, who knows where all the mining equipment is kept and how to sabotage it, and how to take over the weaponry. 

Aren’t you just cargo pilot? someone asks, mildly incredulous, when he’s just laid out all the positions and the exact scale of the forces they would be facing. 

Yeah, I’m the pilot, Bodhi says, deliberately dropping the ‘just’. But NiJedha is home - like Chirrut said. 

Saw looks at him oddly, with something that might be respect. He may as well, they can’t plan an efficient attack without Bodhi Rook. 

The resulting skirmish is... interesting. The monks, it seems, refused to join after all. Saw’s rebels cause a brilliant shiny distraction while Bodhi, Jyn, and Cassian disable the mining equipment and steal firepower. The weapons get passed on to Chirrut and Baze, presumably to be handed off to the rebels. 

Some of that explosive power does make it to Saw, but not all. That’s when they realise, the monks actually did agree to join the fight. Just, not quite as actively. They lay several charges at key weak points, blow the entrance to the mines and the foundation of the Temple. They destroy it all, bury the kyber. It’ll take a long time to get it out from under that rock, and it was never easy to reach in the first place. 

It’s after the skirmish that Jyn has her own vision. And Bodhi’s been keeping an eye on her and on Cassian, sometimes catching himself because he can’t say anything, can’t tell them how different they are, and how the same. Chirrut and Baze don’t mind that sort of familiarity, but he thinks it’s the familiarity they would have with another Jedhan. Or maybe because Chirrut is a Monk of the Whills, and always had the ability to see more than there was on the surface of you. 

So when Jyn’s vision hits, he’s there when she wakes up disoriented and horrified because it’s real, they died, and it was real, why are they here? He’s there because he knows how waking up feels, and it isn’t good, and he definitely couldn’t hold down his dinner last time. 

And it’s worse and it’s better, because it’s only a matter of time before the Empire gets the kyber, and outfitting Alliance worlds with the shield, if her father ever succeeds, might still take longer than they have, and they don’t know how to destroy the Death Star this time. 

Oh, but it’s worse. It’s so much worse because there is a countermeasure. Jyn saw her father before she left, she saw him and she saw Draven with him, and they were arguing, and she knows, she knows what he did, it just took her this long to put it all together. 

Because the Alliance doesn’t have the resources to fight, to build a superweapon - not like the Empire. Because the Alliance would needs something smaller, far more efficient, than a project of the Death Star’s scale. 

Because, in a fantastic play on the project’s name, her father knows how to bring Death to the Stars, and he knows how to do this at a far enough distance to outrun the blast wave while the system burns. Because her father is no fool, and he knows how to do this, has known for the last ten years. 

The only question is, if he didn’t want to give the Empire the Death Star, would he give the plans of the countermeasure to the Alliance? 

Oh, but he didn’t. It wasn’t his choice. Cassian stole the plans from him. The last time around, Galen had given the plans to Bodhi. In this world Draven gives an order, and Cassian - Cassian, who’s learned the value of orders where Jyn learned the value of questioning them - he obeys. 

Incidentally, Cassian is the only one without visions. 

(K2 has... ghosts in his programming.) 

[Author’s Note: I don’t bloody know, I’m working on it. I feel like, maybe odd quotes here and there that make no sense given the situation. Or - how does a robot describe déjà vu?]

Cassian and Jyn have never had so bitter an argument over what it means to fight for the Rebellion - and it doesn’t mean wiping out entire inhabited systems the way the Empire could destroy a planet or a city, Jyn shouts, not if the Alliance calls Saw’s rebels a group of radicals. They have never so disagreed on any of it, and the fight is virulent, and of course they say things that should not ever be said. Jyn yells that the Rebellion Cassian’s been fighting for since the age of six had trained him never to question orders and listen like the good meat clanker he is, setting both Bodhi and K2 off balance because that’s what the Empire does. Cassian shoots back that her father is the monster who made that weapon, but - 

But, no. Her father is the theorist who dreamed things up, things that should have purpose other than to kill. He wasn’t fool enough to ignore the devastation his creations could cause, but what could he do if he’d dreamt them up anyway? His terrible children, for each theory, for every calculation, for ever forward step and every improvement to weaponry or shielding, he always knew how else it could be used. 

He just never imagined it would be. Not until Jyn comes back to ask him, point blank, if he knows that the Alliance is building a weapon based on his designs. 

He does. It paralyses him. He'd thought that the Alliance would not be like the Empire. He still harboured a fading hope that if he bought himself enough time with the shutdown of the Empire’s kyber mining, he’d have a chance to finish the shields and then they would never need the weapon. But Draven is more than willing to strike first and question later, and Jyn knows this. It takes her assurance that Draven had had those plans for ten years, he’d scrapped together enough funds and stolen enough Imperial scrap to repurpose it and cobble together a death ray that could destabilise a sun. 

Galen prepares an open letter, makes an impassioned statement before the Alliance leaders, begging them not to use it. 

Because Mutually Assured Destruction is only a deterrent if nobody wants to die. It would have worked with Krennic at the helm of the Death Star project, but it will not work with Tarkin. 

And Draven... he’s more than willing to be the aggressor. More than willing to wipe out a system of Empire-occupied worlds. 

Jyn is the one to say the words her father cannot, the words no one else in the room will acknowledge, though they hang on everyone’s mind: it would make us no better than them and this is not what we fought for. 

The vote is devastating. After all, from a strategic point of view, if you have a countermeasure against the Death Star, and you beat the other side in the race to complete it - why not use it? 

[AN: Take this as a given: if they destroy the beginnings of the Death Star structure, in another few years the Empire will build another.]

Jyn walks out of the meeting, disheartened, to find Baze and Chirrut and Bodhi waiting at the gate. “Didn’t work, did it?” Behind her, Cassian shakes his head. 

After a few moments’ silence, Bodhi looks up and says, “So, anyone want to know what else they have on Scarif?” 

[callioope]

Hello, you have been identified as An Awesome Writer™! Congrats, you rock! So that all of your readers can shower you with some extra love today, please tell us your favourite five (or as many as you want) stories of yours and why you like them and then send this to another five fic authors you think deserve this title!

Thank you @thestarbirdfromtheashes & @thenewleeland for sending me this! I’m so flattered! I know I’ve taken forever to respond.

if i wait (will you stay?)

Excerpt: She’d made the decision then, when he’d leaned down towards her, so close she could see his eyelashes, and she leaned up towards him, so close to feeling like she belonged. She’d made the decision with the conviction she used to have, before Saw abandoned her in a bunker.

Summary: Just after Scarif, Jyn waits for Cassian to wake and debates whether she’ll stay.

Notes: This just came to me one night when I was falling asleep, and I was still thinking about it when I woke up the next morning. It flowed out really easily, and I’m really proud of the prose, style, etc. It’s probably one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. I’ve thought a lot about ‘when do Jyn and Cassian get together after Scarif,’ and this is the result of that. 

I’ll Find You in the Morning Sun

Excerpt: They stare at each other, at an impasse, neither of them willing to disrupt the balance, to take the first step towards a lighter world. Both of them know, at least in some hidden capacity, that something floats between them, something could lift them, could show them how to fly. But they are not dreamers, with their heads in the clouds, and the talk of war weighs heavy on their shoulders. And falling from such a great height hurts; they’ve borne such bruises since they were children.

Summary: A World War II AU for csectumsempra, for Rebelcaptain Secret Santa. Told in a series of meetings (or not meetings) each December, spanning 1939 to 1945.

Notes: Before I wrote this, I didn’t have a huge interest in WWII AUs, and I was even a little intimidated by the idea (there are already so many wonderful WWII AUs out there, and it’s such a complex time period to get right, I think). But this setting gave me an easy angle for the “mutual pining” prompt, and once I found a satisfactory role for Jyn (I wanted her on the front lines!) I took it and ran and had a blast. (I also learned a ton! And learning is fun.) I do think it’s a little rougher around the edges and would have liked some more time to polish it. Still really like how it turned out though.

Whatever I Do (I Do It To Protect You)

Summary: When Orson Krennic landed on Lah’mu, Lyra Erso made a choice. She chose her daughter. Now they move from planet to planet, identity to identity, rebel cell to rebel cell, until they wind up at the center of the rebellion.

Notes: My first rebelcaptain fic! I started writing this on January 15, 2017. Holy crap. It started as just an idle daydream and turned into this huge thing. It took me nine months to finish – much better than my ASoIaF Gendrya chapter fic, which took a year, exactly. (And WID has a higher word count, too.) So a great opportunity for me to practice writing more consistently. This was also an exercise in planning and outlining. Halfway through, I completely changed the ending and had to rework it (which is why it took as long as it did). 

(Also mothers die way too much in Star Wars and this needed to be rectified. One day I really want to see a fic with Padme, Lyra, and Mothma just running the rebellion because how awesome would that be?)

this is the way (we move)

Excerpt: This is the way they run: They push each other, drag each other, carry each other. Bodhi waits and they sprint to him. All they ever have to do is find Bodhi, and he will carry them the rest of the way. They sprint through jungles, fat green leaves smacking them, blocking them, whipping them. They dash across sand, burning through the soles of their feet, sucking them back each step as they stumble in the shifting dunes. They scurry across rocky cliffs, slip and slide across icy plateaus, squelch through swamps, and it doesn’t matter the terrain, they just muddle through it with only one goal in mind: Bodhi’s ship. Home.

Summary: Vignettes of the post-Scarif Rogue One team. For the Rebelcaptain Week Tumblr prompt “Family.”

Notes: My favorite out of my Rebelcaptain Appreciation Week fics. (Incidentally, also, the first one I wrote.) This plot bunny attacked me during the two-hour car ride home from my sister’s; I was of course listening to the Cassian Andor spotify playlist and “The Way We Move” by Langhorne Slim & The Law came on. What a fun and upbeat and positive song in what is mostly a mellow playlist! This song just implies so much movement, which is very fitting for the RO team and that’s what I wanted to evoke here. Really fun to write.

when did you last let your heart decide?

Summary: When Cassian runs into Jyn Erso in the marketplace on Jedha, the rebellion can’t resist the opportunity to convert the daughter of an Imperial weapons scientist into an asset. But after years of recruiting, of coaxing others to give in to their own impulses, Cassian hesitates. Can he bring himself to persuade the first person he’s loved in years to risk her life? (Canon divergent, Imperial!Jyn, Aladdin AU)

Notes: So here is a fun fact about me: for four straight years in a row, I was Princess Jasmine for Halloween (K - 3rd). Then in 4th grade, I was A New Hope!Princess Leia (incidentally, I met Mark Hamill almost 20 years later to the day and was dressed as Endor!Leia so that came beautifully full circle). When I realized this, it just seemed kind of obvious that I’d write a Star Wars/Disney princess crossover, lol. Lots of fun with: Cassian’s immediate heart-eyes for Jyn, exploration of Cassian’s commitment to the cause and subsequent self-sacrifice, and Imperial!Jyn. 

I had more ideas for this that didn’t make it in (K-2SO filling the role as Abu, in a ‘skeptical of Cassian’s crush on Jyn, but still totally has his back’ kind of way;  more montage scenes of Jyn and Cassian exploring the galaxy a la ‘A Whole New World’; and an actual confrontation with Krennic when Cassian and Jyn return to Coruscant). Also I got several comments regarding an expansion SO one day I just might write that. One day.

[incognitajones]

I'm sending on some positivity, and as you have done the 'say 5 things you like about yourself publicly' already I'm going to use it as an excuse for a character ask. In the light of your lovely rare pair fic I'd like to ask what you think Bodhi might say if he was asked to say 5 things he liked about himself publicly. (When you have time and if you don't mind)

PATIENT: ENSIGN BODHI ROOKPARTIAL AUDIO TRANSCRIPT, THERAPY FILE 3.4.7c2544

—kay fine, ESS-6, are you recording now? Shavit, this better work, I’m not doing it twice.

So last time you told me this was an assignment, which makes no sense at all because I thought therapy droids were programmed to be helpful and this is absolutely useless. But you keep asking and asking and I’m pretty sure you’ll kriffing report me to Doctor Harr if I don't—

Anyway. Here goes. “Five things you like about yourself” by Bodhi Rook, as ordered.

One: I’m a pretty good pilot. Most of the time. When I have an idea where I’m going. I can fly more than just cargo shuttles, you know. Might not have been much call for it on Eadu but I’m certified on ships up to cruiser class.

And I’m a decent sabacc player, at least, better than people expect. I guess I don’t look like the kind of guy who can bluff. Sometimes having a face like this can be an advantage.

Uh, what’s the polite word for stubborn? Persistent? Yeah, persistent. Maybe that’s why Jyn [SEE: ERSO, JYN, SGT, FILE 3.4.5v3452] and I get along, neither of us like to give up until we have to. That’s not always a good thing, though.

Not that I have much to share these days, but I try to be generous. It was a principle where I was raised, how we were supposed to live on Jedha.

ESS-6: A tenet of your religion?

Not exactly, but it was important. How many is that?

ESS-6: Four.

Another one…? Force sakes. Fine, fine.

[5.9 seconds of silence]

I don’t really sing anymore, but I used to. [wordless humming in the key of C minor] My mother liked it; that was her favourite. But she was my mom, so. You know. I probably wasn’t actually that good.

Who cares if that one counts. I’m done, okay?

ESS-6: Acknowledged.

-30-END FILE

(This is short, and not nearly as good as what others have come up with based on your prompts, but I felt guilty not answering you, so here it is FWIW.)

[anghraine]

“the words we’ve both fallen under” - fic

So, the people (aka @brynnmclean and @ladytharen) have spoken! They chose the queer Rogue One AU (Jyn/f!Cassian + Baze/Chirrut + Bodhi/Luke) for the Theoretical Fic, which was spawned by @therebelcaptainnetwork’s Friday prompt (“hope”). Like everything ever, it grew well beyond anything I anticipated. OH WELL.

fandom: Star Wars

characters: Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor (as Cassia); Jyn/Cassian, implied Bodhi/Luke

verse: the queer Rogue One AU, of course!

length: 2k

stuff that happens: Jyn and Cassia after the bedsharing!

Jyn didn’t begrudge the Rebels their victory celebrations, which extended for several weeks, at least at night. She didn’t even think of herself as separate from the Rebellion, exactly—not after Scarif.

It was just … crowded. Very crowded, considering that this particular cantina grew out of a skeletal base on Solis 2, where her team had just arrived with some soldiers and senators. And it was loud. Easily as loud as Massassi’s cantina, spurring her nerves to screeching alert. She could endure that, had endured it many times, but she didn’t want to. And this was not a time for doing anything she didn’t want to.

Searching for a discreet exit, Jyn must have betrayed some part of what she felt. She didn’t usually, and nobody seemed to be paying particular attention to her—she’d taken care to wedge herself behind Baze—but suddenly, she felt Cassia’s mouth near her ear.

Only the habits of years kept Jyn motionless. Her blood ran cold, or maybe hot; she couldn’t tell the difference.

“Do you want some fresh air?” Cassia murmured.

Jyn tried not to look grateful.

“Yes.”

Cassia shifted in some unobtrusive way that placed her at Jyn’s side, hand warm against her back. With some resignation, Jyn suspected that last was her imagination. The leather vest hardly registered slight changes in human temperature. And Cassia ran cold, anyway. Jyn had shared her bed enough times (eleven) to know that it wasn’t some Cassia façade.

Platonically shared her bed. Jyn had even managed to platonically pin Cassia to the bed and straddle her hips, which took some doing.

Cassia made a smooth excuse that Jyn didn’t bother listening to, but which everyone accepted. More or less. Baze actually smiled—it was faint, but unmistakably a smile. That struck Jyn as deeply suspicious. But he didn’t say anything, so neither did she, instead letting Cassia maneuver them outside without incident.

(Jyn couldn’t remember the last time she’d tolerated anyone maneuvering her at all. Well, anyone else, since they’d done the same thing back on Jedha. Cassia might just be an exception. Sometimes.)

As soon as the doors snapped together behind them, Jyn’s tensed muscles relaxed. Cassia drew a breath of the base’s crisp, cool air.

“That’s better.”

Jyn shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “Beer and sweat not your favourite smells?”

Cassia kept her—their—quarters in pristine order, regardless of where those quarters happened to be. Jyn herself couldn’t have cared less, but once she realized that Cassia didn’t expect her to assist in any meaningful way, she shrugged off her initial irritation. If Cassia wanted to soothe herself with colour coordinating her (many) outfits, fine. Jyn soothed herself with cleaning and loading her blasters, after all.

(By now, she didn’t just possess a nonzero number of blasters, but several, only two of which originally belonged to Cassia. That alone would nearly have made everything worth it, and … she had quite a bit more than that alone.)

“No, not really,” said Cassia dryly, heading down stairs that led to a narrow steel platform beneath the main portion of the cantina. This particular base consisted almost entirely of platforms, square buildings, and assorted stairs and ramps, all in featureless grey metal. Jyn gathered that it had been cobbled together out of some abandoned Imperial installation. Or a Republic one, maybe. It had railings and everything.

“I figured.”

“Too many people, too,” Cassia added, tone suspiciously neutral.

Jyn eyed the back of her head. “I thought you were a … people person.”

“Really?”

Thinking back over the … five weeks they’d known each other, Jyn supposed it could go either way. Cassia always had something to say, but she wasn’t exactly outgoing. “You’re good with them.”

“When I have to be.” She stopped and leaned against the platform’s wide rail while Jyn caught up. “I like the quiet.”

That pleased Jyn in a fuzzy way she didn’t care to interrogate. She settled for an indistinct noise of agreement.

Suitably enough, they continued side-by-side without talking, making their way to the furthest wall. There they remained visible from the cantina, if anyone chose to look, but at least didn’t stand beneath the noisiest part of it.

It was nice. Jyn, not overburdened by self-consciousness, felt just enough of it to avoid saying so. But she enjoyed everything: the coolness of the air, not heavy like Yavin 4’s, the easy silence, the mingling light of Solis’s moons, the smaller two eclipsing the largest into a slice of gold. She had two blasters in her holster, no enemies in the vicinity, and Cassia at her side, her limp all but gone. Without even touching her crystal, Jyn felt calm and contented in a way she very rarely experienced, far beyond her usual stoicism.

She didn’t look at Cassia. They shared quarters, a bed, and most hours of day and night; while Jyn welcomed the eagerly yielding Cassia that now and then shattered her nightmares, she took care to separate her from the actual woman. At this point, she already had seen Cassia a) young and beautiful in her silly parka, b) drenched from hair to boots, c) striding past in an Imperial uniform that fit her much better than the Alliance one, d) collapsing in Jyn’s arms, and e) swathed in shadows under Jyn’s body. She didn’t feel the need to try herself further by adding ‘gilded by moonlight’ to the rest.

Not that she’d be able to avoid it, really.

“Have you seen Bodhi?” Jyn asked.

“Yes, in the cantina,” said Cassia, unperturbed by the abruptly broken silence. “Not in the best mood. I think he ran into Skywalker.”

“Again?” Jyn didn’t mind Skywalker in himself: rather liked him, in fact. He’d personally asked her if he could name his squadron after her team, and had possibly less patience for cowards and fools than she did. But for whatever reason, he and Bodhi had taken an almost immediate dislike to each other. “I don’t even know what they find to disagree about.”

Cassia paused. “Skywalker is attractive, isn’t he? I’m not the best judge.”

Raw determination kept Jyn’s eyes on the blotted moon. She blinked several times at it. “You think that’s why—?”

“A factor, perhaps,” Cassia replied. “I can’t say for sure, of course. It could be nothing more than Skywalker hating Imperials without much ... discrimination.”

Jyn could understand that, in general. She rarely saw one without wanting to club them into a bloody corpse. But not Bodhi, who had defected and suffered and sacrificed, whatever he might have been or done before.

“We all hate Imperials,” said Jyn. “Does he think he’s special?”

Cassia’s hand tapped idly along the railing. Jyn would bet credits that she had a frown on her face.

“Maybe.”

Jyn would have blamed her uncommunicativeness on right, she’s a spy, if not for the fact that Cassia would tell her pretty much anything (unclassified), if asked. She just never volunteered it, so Jyn—or someone, but usually Jyn—always had to drag it out in pieces.

“All right, what did they do to him? Do you know?”

“Burned his family alive,” said Cassia.

A few moments passed without a word from either. Above them, somebody laughed, followed by others, before their voices faded into some other part of the room.

“Fuck,” Jyn muttered.

Cassia shifted again. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“No,” said Jyn automatically. “That’s not—that’s not fair to Bodhi, but—damn.” She’d hoped it was a bit more mundane.

“None of us are fair to each other,” replied Cassia, her voice still more even. “Not always.”

That snapped Jyn’s resolve. She glanced over her, but Cassia was staring ahead, her back a straight line from her shoulders to the cybernetics hidden under her skin. Attraction seemed rather besides the point.

“I know,” said Jyn quietly.

She suspected it might be as close to an apology as Cassia got. Since I’m not used to people sticking around was as close to one as Jyn had offered, she decided she’d take it.

Features softening, Cassia turned her head to face her, amusement flickering into her face. “Anyway, I think the unfairness has gone both ways with them.” She cleared her throat. “As it were.”

Jyn didn’t mean to smile, but she did, anyway. “You’re never going to forget that, are you?”

“I never forget anything,” Cassia said.

Jyn shook her head. “Then I’ll expect you to remember my birthday every year.”

Cassia’s low, startled laugh altogether banished Bodhi and Skywalker’s whatever-it-was. “If I know where you are.”

“Shouldn’t be hard,” said Jyn.

The amusement faded into something else, sweeter and more cautious. “You’re staying?—I—you mean, indefinitely?”

Jyn thought of a good half-dozen responses, alternately snide and earnest. But she only said,

“Yes.”

Cassia’s face broke into a bright, dimpled smile. Jyn, who had not expected that particular attack, felt dazed. Just a little. Physical awareness flooded back, or became relevant again. The golden moonlight caught in Cassia’s eyes, her skin, even her dark hair, gleaming from within. The hazy glow of it gentled her features without weakening them, her face warm and pretty rather than starkly beautiful. For all of that, her eyes fixed on Jyn with the same elated intensity that she remembered from the not-apology in the hangar, and after.

Speaking of unfair—

“How long do you think we’ll stay here?” she asked. “Assuming it’s not classified.”

Cassia seemed puzzled but undisturbed. “Not very long. We want to keep the small bases as unobtrusive as possible, and the rest will be scattering from Yavin soon. We’ll need a new central base.”

“Colder than Massassi, I hope,” said Jyn, vengefully.

Cassia looked betrayed. Her smile turning crooked, she twisted back towards the base below them, though without the rigidity of before. “You’re the one who’ll suffer if we get stationed there.”

“I’ll live,” said Jyn. “Not all of us are delicate flowers.”

“Really, Jyn?”

Jyn grinned openly, leaning against the platform’s side. “So what about you? Are you hoping for anything in particular?”

Cassia’s fingers splayed out on the railing, then grasped it. She wet her lip.

“A few things,” she said.

Jyn gave up.

“Cassia?”

When Cassia turned towards her, inquisitive, Jyn didn’t wait long enough for fear. She stepped forward, curled her fingers into Cassia’s jacket, and kissed her.

Cassia’s lips parted in what Jyn assumed to be surprise rather than invitation, but within a moment, her mouth was pressing back, as soft and careful as in the turbolift. They’d finally circled back, finally—and then her hands slid about Jyn’s waist, up her back. It was so little, but Jyn felt drunk, heady and flushed all over, more than she’d been capable of before, maybe more than she’d been capable of in her life. She had her arms about Cassia’s neck again, fingers walking against the nape and threading into her hair, smooth and soft instead of stiff with sweat and blood. She pressed closer when Cassia tilted her head to slant her mouth against Jyn’s, both panting.

No, Cassia was saying something, whispering against Jyn’s lips. Cassia and her words; she always had something. Even now! A very tiny bit exasperated, Jyn slowed and forced herself to pay attention.

“Jyn,” Cassia murmured. “Jyn, Jyn, Jyn—”

Jyn almost shuddered, fingers clutching in Cassia’s hair. She’d never kissed anyone who knew her name. Anyone who knew her at all. And this wasn’t anyone—this was—

“Cassia,” she breathed.

They stepped back for air, because they had to. Inevitably, that first moment was awkward. Neither quite knew what to say, and it’d been so much even though it was nothing they hadn’t done already. But Jyn took in Cassia’s rumpled hair and swollen mouth and half-shy smile, and could only think, again.

A small breeze rustled past. Cassia shivered.

Jyn had too much self-respect to say I’ll warm you up, or anything of the sort. To go by Cassia’s flush and thinly-veiled pleasure, her face said it for her.

“That one of the things you were hoping for?” she asked.

Cassia could have said something clever, or beautiful, or wry: Jyn didn’t doubt that she had it in her. But she just laid her hand against Jyn’s cheek, her eyes wide, almost stunned, as she smoothed the fringe aside.

Cassia leaned down and kissed her again.

[scifibi]

hello! for your thing, i'd like option 1for rebelcaptain and some conglomeration of "holy shit i just realized i’ve liked you for the past 8274 years and i really wish i didn’t but i dO and everyone somehow knows about it except for you oh my god why is this happening to me" and" we’re best friends and i’ve been in love with you for forever but i’m 3000% sure you just see me as a friend except why is this sexual tension happening rn" lol thanks!!

HELLO okay i’m sorry this took so long but HERE YOU GO!

YOUR REBELCAPTAIN FIC:

[also on ao3]

 The revelation hits Jyn, quite literally, out of nowhere.

She's alone at home, sitting on her couch and watching Die Hard simply because it happened to be airing on the first channel she landed on. A sudden thought crosses her mind — an image of Cassian's horrified-fond expression as she'd insisted that Die Hard was her favourite Christmas movie of all time — and all of a sudden, her entire spine goes rigid, her eyes rounding in their sockets.

Holy shit, her brain whisper-shouts, the inaudible sound bouncing off the walls of her head. You're in love with Cassian.

She sits motionless for the rest of the movie, unable to see or hear anything Bruce Willis says or does onscreen.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not that Jyn doesn't have feelings.

It's just that — well, they're so inconvenient.

What have feelings ever done for anyone, anyway? What practical use have they ever amounted to? All they're known to do is cause awkwardness and pain and misunderstandings. Usually all three, come to think of it.

No, it's just easier all round to ignore them.

Only she can't ignore these ones, because, fuck, it's Cassian. Never mind that he's already her favourite person on Earth to begin with. They see each other way too often for her to be able to sufficiently and adequately bury her emotions under a thick enough layer of indifference. It would be significantly jarring if she were to suddenly refrain from hanging out with everyone just to avoid him. It would be obvious enough if she were to suddenly start avoiding hanging out with Cassian alone, considering just how much they see each other on a regular basis.

Not only that, but, well… once again, it's Cassian. She could probably be able to fake it with Bodhi. Maybe Baze. If she tried her hardest, she might even be able to fool Chirrut for a couple days or so. As for Kay — well, for all he cares, she could tell him she's turned into a purple chimpanzee and he would probably just hand her a banana without batting an eyelash.

All the same, she desperately needs someone's voice in her head other than her own, so she digs her phone out from the pocket of today's jacket and dials. 

"Jyn, it's twelve-thirty," Bodhi says in lieu of a greeting. "I need my seven and a half hours if I'm going to have a good day at work, okay? I can't mess up my routine just because—"

"I'm in love with Cassian," she blurts out. About as intentionally as 'blurting' can be.

"... of that," Bodhi finishes. After a long pause, there's a small 'tsk' sound on his end. "Okay. And?"

She frowns, her cheeks burning with heat. "Did you hear what I said?" 

"Loud and clear," Bodhi says, his voice dipping in and out in a way that makes her suspect he might be yawning. "What's the issue?"

"Wha— I just told you the issue," she hisses, shifting agitatedly on the couch.

There's another pause, slightly longer than the last.

"Oh." Bodhi's adopted a tone she's only ever heard him use once in their entire friendship — when Baze and Chirrut's four-year-old daughter had gravely asked him why her daddies' bed sometimes went bump in the night. "Oh, okay. This… is news."

Her jaw drops at the wary, upward lilt of his voice on the word 'news'. Like it's a question. "What the fuck is with that tone?!" she demands.

A loud sigh sounds on the phone. "Look, Jyn, any other time, I would totally therapise you through this—"

"S'not a word," she points out tightly.

"—but I actually am pretty sleepy right now, so I'm just gonna come out and tell you that, yeah, we all know. We've all known for, like, years now."

Her mouth works soundlessly for a couple of beats, opening and closing as she struggles to form a coherent thought. "We?! Who the fuck is—"

"Not Cassian, don't worry," Bodhi answers readily. "We thought we'd let you be the one to fill him in."

She scowls at her coffee table. "Stop saying 'we'."

"Stop stalling and go work out how you're gonna tell him," Bodhi advises, sheets rustling in the background. "I'm hanging up now. Goodnight."

"You're the worst," she informs him.

"Love you too, Jyn" is all she hears in response, right before the dial tone cuts in.

"Sorry," Cassian says as he slides into the booth, ten minutes late. "My Uber driver got a little lost."

Jyn scrunches her nose. They've been to this bar about a million times. "You didn't direct him?"

He waves a dismissive hand. "He had the map thing going. Also, he thought my name was Cassie, so. No." She's snorting into her drink before she can help it 

Cassian's eyes flick down to her glass, more than halfway empty. "Whiskey? Are we celebrating something?" 

She straightens in her chair, suddenly embarrassed. "Just�� just felt like something different."

She doesn't want to admit that she'd just wanted something stronger, to help prepare her for what was undoubtedly going to be the worst conversation of her life. She's not going to fool herself; it could just turn out to be the best. All the same, considering everything she knows about herself, 'worst' is probably a lot more likely.

He nods easily, much to her relief. "Sounds good. I'm gonna go get myself one of those." He pauses midway through getting up from the table. "Should I order for the others too?"

Her face floods with discomforting warmth. "Oh. Uh. They're not coming."

He stops, caught between standing and an awkward half-crouch. "They're not?"

"I thought we could hang out, just the two of us." She glances around self-consciously. "I didn't mention that?"

He blinks, brows furrowing slightly. "No." After a beat, he shrugs, and slips out from behind the table. "Back in a few."

She sucks in a deep breath, smoothing her palms over her jean-clad thighs. Okay, Erso, she tells herself silently. You can do this. Just… come out and say it. Easy. Simple 

No, don't just say it, she argues right back. You have to lay some groundwork first. You have to feel him out.

Yeah, she interjects smugly, you'd love to feel him out.

This is not the time, she scolds.

Definitely not, she agrees quickly, nodding to herself. Definitely don't imagine what it'd be like to kiss Cassian now. Or what his tongue would feel like against your skin. Or if he'd let you crawl into his lap and—

Abruptly, she snags her whiskey glass, tossing back the last of the amber liquid as fast as she can. She hisses quietly as it burns down her throat, tipping her head back down and slamming her empty glass back down on the table, next to—

Another glass of whiskey? 

Cassian grins as he slides back into his seat across from her, his own glass of whiskey in hand. "Got you a refill." He arches a brow at her empty glass. "Not a moment too soon, either, I see."

She manages a weak laugh, pushing aside her empty glass to curl both palms around her fresh drink. "Thanks."

Cassian smiles around a sip of whiskey, leaning forward to brace his elbows on the table. "So, is this a date?"

Her head snaps up. "What?!"

He shrugs, glancing round at the empty booth. "The others aren't here. We're all alone."

Her mouth falls open. "That doesn't make it a date!"

He gestures towards her glass. "I bought you a drink."

"We always buy each other drinks," she points out with a roll of her eyes.

"Didn't say this was a first date."

Despite the warmth blooming in her cheeks, a laugh bubbles out of her before she quite catches it, the sensation spreading through her like liquid relaxant. "Idiot," she mutters fondly, shaking her head. "In that case, we've been dating for about three years now, have we?"

Cassian's smile remains in place, but when his gaze flicks away and back to hers, it's noticeably darker than before. "I don't know, Jyn. Have we?"

Her throat is suddenly very, very dry.

She stares at him. And then down at the fresh drink in her hands. And then back up at him.

"Are you flirting with me?"

Cassian's mouth curves, his expression wry. "Have been for the past three years, but thanks for noticing."

Suddenly, everything clicks.

"Fucking Bodhi," she groans, scrubbing a palm over her eyes. "I'm going to kill him."

He laughs, his fingers slipping into her hand to tug it away from her face. "Please don't. He's responsible for giving me the best news of my life. I'm feeling quite charitable towards him."

She flushes hotly, but she lets him take her hand anyway, turning it so it's resting securely in his upturned palm. "This isn't how this was supposed to go." 

"Apparently, I wasn't supposed to let three whole years go by without telling you, either," Cassian tells her. He's smiling, but his hand tightens over hers, almost like some sort of nervous reflex.  "I'd say it's pretty obvious we both need some help in this department."

"No, we don't," she insists stubbornly, reaching out with to take his other hand in her free one. "Look — I love you." She grins triumphantly, a rush of warmth spiking through her system. "See? I said it without anyone telling me to!"

Cassian grins, his eyes shining bright. "I love you too, but it's not a chess match, Jyn."

"Doesn't matter," she says, squeezing both his hands. "We win."

He squeezes back. "Yeah. We do."

[ratmonologue]

Mash for the TV series one and all the questions and star wars for the salty asks

M*A*S*H

Favourite character: Dr.+Captain Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce, the one and only, and love of my life even though he really shouldn’t be

Funniest character: They’re… all hilarious in their own ways…. I love Hawkeye’s punning, Trapper’s one-liners, Frank’s patheticness, Klinger’s sheer zaniness…. Though Hawkeye and Trapper have had me in tears of laughter the most out of everyone, so I guess them

Best-looking character: None of them are especially handsome/pretty or anything, but I’ll go with pre-mustache BJ. I have yet to see anyone else pull off a pink henley like he did.

3 favourite ships: I don’t romantically ship anyone. I like how Hawkeye and Margaret’s relationship develops, the Radar/Henry father-son dynamic is adorable, and Frank and Margaret did make for some comedy gold even though she deserves sooooo much better than him.

Least favourite character: I honestly love all of the main cast. A lot of the one-off military brass higher-ups were complete assholes, so I guess one of them? I know this is cheating but so there.

Least favourite ship: I don’t see romantic Hawkeye/Trapper or Hawkeye/BJ (sorry 90% of the MASH fandom), so those, even though I love both friendships.

Reason why I watch it: The quality comedy, the zany characters, and the hope and humanity that (usually) persists even in the middle of the most depressing circumstances there could be. The show (and especially Hawkeye) was also one of the main things that helped me get through a pretty rough patch in my life, so, yeah, I’m eternally grateful for Alan Alda’s existence.

Why I started watching it: It would be on TV and my mom would sometimes watch it and I just kinda got sucked in

Aaand Salty Star Wars under the cut, bc this is probably gonna get long

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Reylo. Sorry. But no. I hate that fucker and Rey deserves so much better.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

Most of them, tbh….. I’m really not a shipper.

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

OHHHH YES. Many times.

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

I already mentioned my disgust for reylo right

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Not in Star Wars, at least, but that’s because I don’t ship anyone anyway. Except for Han/Leia and Kylo/purgatory. Those I do ship.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Nope

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

The oversaturation of TFA stuff (especially when compared to Rogue One, which was, imo, a FAR superior movie but doesn’t have a third as much fandom recognition) cooled my feelings toward TFA somewhat. I still like it, but in more of a “whatever, it’s alright” sort of way.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?

Pfft no I’m not that important

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Kylo. Whiny little pissbaby. I don’t like Anakin either, but at least he had REASONS why he was such a tortured little whiner. Kylo doesn’t have any of those backstory sads, he’s just a not-so-little emo fuck with a nonsensical boner for the dark side.

Jabba and Palpatine are also terrible people, and I really do not understand the fandom’s obsession with Hux. He’s so boring. He’s just….. occasionally kinda there.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Attack of the Clones is irredeemably terrible in every single way. Sorry. (Not.) Though the Padme+Anakin “““romance”““ is especially cringeworthy.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I don’t see enough love for Qui-Gon Jinn and his fuck-the-council-I-do-what-I-want poncho-wearing fabulousness

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I like the ewoks. Fight me.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

I think I’ve slandered Kylo enough for the time being

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

Can the Rogue One fandom maybe please stop shipping everyone in sight? I like Cassian/Jyn too, but frankly this is getting ridiculous. Also Bodhi. Y’all fuckers need to start showing some more love for him.

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

God forbid Star Wars ever becomes an anime…..

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

The entire prequels tbh. Just…. scrap them entirely, rewrite them from scratch so they actually make sense, practical effects > cgi, and hire a halfway competent director.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Instead of Padme dying because “she lost the will to live” (?????) I’d have made her start what eventually becomes the rebellion and die in a way that actually means something and makes sense for her character. And wait a few years for that death so Leia actually CAN remember her like she claims to in RotJ.

18. Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

Uh…. what the fuck is this asking…… people can have different opinions and also everyone has biases……..? there is no ~objective shipping truth~ that people must be in denial from…….? what the fuck

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Shippers. That goes for any and every fandom.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

I guess Finn/Rey or Finn/Poe is as “““pure”““ as it gets. Have I ever mentioned that I hate tumblr’s obsession with “““purity”““, by the way? Because I do. I fucking despise it.

If we’re talking literal ships, then the Millennium Falcon is the most perfect piece of junk in the entire galaxy.

21. What are your thoughts on crack ships?

I mean, smugglers and drug dealers have to make a living too, though personally I think that captaining a crack ship would be too dangerous.

22. Popular character you hate?

Never mind I guess I’m not done bashing Kylo yet. Also, Yoda’s a reasonably interesting character but god I hate him and his terrible TERRIBLE black-and-white outlook on the world. Most of the Jedi Council is guilty of that, actually. I kinda hate them all.

23. Unpopular character you love?

I think I’ve already mentioned Qui-Gon and Bodhi

24. Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?

Yes because for all its flaws Star Wars (the original trilogy at the very least) is a classic and deservedly so. It’s such a great archetypal underdog story with wonderful characters and action and MUSIC, DEAR GOD THE MUSIC, ALL HAIL JOHN WILLIAMS FOREVER AND EVER AMEN

25. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

I mean, Star Wars as a whole is still ongoing. I’d change quite a few things in TFA, especially the whole Han/Leia (lack of a) thing. That was so unnecessary.

26. Most shippable character?

Han Solo spends his life in various spaceships, so probably him. Luke, Poe, Rey, and Anakin also qualify, as they have plenty of spaceship time.

27. Least shippable character?

Do we ever see Jabba on a ship? I think he’d be too heavy and take up too much space, personally. He should stay on the ground.

[ersonist]

title: yesterday’s just a memory, tomorrow is never what it’s supposed to be

rating: t

word count: 2k1

summary: It’s not every day someone you know gets kicked in the head and forgets a couple of years of their life or modern AU amnesia fic.

a/n: I was checking my dash the other day and @hurricanedancer​ reblogged  this amazing post and mentioned in the tags wanting a fic. I was already planning to write something for Cassian Andor Appreciation Week (Favourite Relationship(s)) and this inspired me so I combined both. No such thing as too many RebelCaptain fics, right? Anyway hope you enjoy it :)

(I wrote the fic, but Bob Dylan wrote the title.)

Cassian wakes up to the blinding lights and whispers that are way too loud for his pounding headache. He vaguely identifies the place as a hospital but he’s not sure how he got here.

“Welcome back,” he hears a woman’s voice tell him in a British accent and his confusion deepens. Must be one of Kay’s relatives, he decides.

And then there’s a flurry of movement around him, people asking him questions, calling a doctor, squeezing his hand. It’s exhausting so he closes his eyes and lets himself fall asleep again.

The next time he wakes up the room is significantly darker and emptier. He notices a sole figure half sitting, half leaning on a chair next to his bed.

“What happened?” he asks, his hoarse voice slightly breaking over the last word.

“You don’t remember?” the young woman looks at him with a clear concern when he shakes his head no.

“You tried to be a hero, stopping a bunch of guys from stealing a car.”

“They clearly won,” he states, hesitantly smiling at her.

“Yep, you got your ass kicked,” she openly smirks back. She fluffs an extra pillow that doesn’t look hospital issued before helping him to lean back comfortably. She’s cute. Whoever she is, he thinks.

“So what’s your name?”

Her hands start shaking and he figures this was a wrong question to ask.

Amnesia sounds too much like something out of Mexican soap operas he used to watch with his grandmother. The neurologist tries to be optimistic but there are too many we don’t know and we can’t predict that for Cassian to share her positive attitude. His room is crowded again but he can’t really blame anyone. It’s not every day someone you know gets kicked in the head and forgets a couple of years of their life. Still he averts his eyes refusing to witness their pity. The problem is that except for feeling a bit weak, he is fine. The headache is gone, he can stomach solid food again and frankly all he wants to do is go home. Unless...

“Do I still live where I lived back then?” he interrupts impatiently. How much could his life have changed in two years anyway? A new girlfriend does not define his entire existence.

He doesn’t like the anxious looks they all share.

“More or less,” Bodhi finally informs him without actually replying to his question.

He lives with Jyn now. That’s the news everyone, Jyn herself included, was gently trying to break to him. Honestly he would’ve guessed the minute he stepped into his (their?) apartment. Hot pink bunny slippers weren’t exactly his style.

“It was an inside joke,” Jyn mutters defensively when she follows his gaze to the offending items, carelessly thrown near the living room couch. She picks the slippers up and stuffs them into the small closet in the hallway.

It’s the oddest thing in the world. This virtual stranger who has her things all over Cassian’s living space and sometimes watches him with fondness and love he doesn’t understand.

The uncomfortable silence stretches a bit too long for his liking. He did suggest crashing at Kay’s but they all thought he should re-familiarise himself with his usual surroundings. Plus Jyn seemed determined in showing how much this doesn’t bother her.

“You have an unusual name,” he points out, slightly cringing at how terrible he is at small talk.

“Like gin and tonic, right?” she laughs and he joins her.

“Please tell me men don’t use that as a pick-up line!” he jokes with more ease. He plops on the couch now covered with a soft, grey blanket and stretches languidly. Jyn doesn’t say anything for a moment, just plays with the sleeve of her shirt.

“That’s actually what you said when we first met.”

Trying to trigger lost memories is a perfectly acceptable treatment for amnesiacs and Cassian doesn’t mind it at first. That changes by the 10th minute of a powerpoint presentation fully prepared and presented by Kay.

“Halloween party last year. Picture taken at approximately 2 am as judged by your frankly obvious intoxication,” Kay comments the current slide with his usual mixture of amazing detachment and complete disgust. “Is your memory back now?”

“No,” Cassian groans miserably. “Could you please speed this up?”

Kay straightens in his seat, towering over the desk even more.

“I was preparing a shortened version if you wish.”

“How long is that one?”

“47 pages but it’s not proofread yet.”

***

“3 hours, Leia! 3 fucking hours!” he complains later over a cup of coffee. “He even gave me a bound copy!”

“I know you forgot some stuff,” she comments with a grin that was clearly supposed to look innocent but comes out more like a devious smirk. “but I thought you remembered Kay was more like a robot than an actual human.”

He sighs and stirs in a spoonful of sugar. You drink more tea now, Jyn informed him one morning over the breakfast. He knows they have silly matching mugs and one cupboard is full of a specific earl grey blend she apparently can’t function without.

“How are things with Jyn?” Leia asks nonchalantly as if she could read Cassian’s thoughts.

He shrugs because he’s honestly at a loss for words. How to explain to his old friends that it’s like living with a roommate that you never asked for? Except that there used to be an us with that roommate and the more he thinks he can fall for her, the more she probably falls out of love?

“I sleep on the couch in my own apartment and I’m pretty sure my mere presence makes her want to cry,” he admits in the end. “She’s erm... she’s something else though.”

Leia nods and smiles encouragingly at him.

“But I think I get it. I get why he fell in love with her,” he concludes quietly. He never planned on confessing this much especially since he’s pretty sure Leia will blabber it all to Han and one way or another it’ll reach Jyn.

“You talk about yourself in third person,” she settles for a joke instead and he’s immensely grateful for it. “They did recommend you a shrink, right?”

***

“How about you scroll through my instagram and ask me questions if you want?” Bodhi suggests during their lunch the next day.

Cassian agrees more out of politeness than an actual wish to go through yet another “let’s make Cassian remember things” session. He checks one post after another. Birthday parties, a trip to the beach, Christmas drinks at a pub nearby. They all have one thing in common. If Jyn’s present, Cassian looks like a complete dork in every single one of them.

“Seriously you’d think I’d stop with those ridiculous starry eyes!” he exclaims while practically shoving the phone into Bodhi’s face. “Just look at that one, for example! We get it, Cassian, you’re happily in love!”

“Actually that was taken right before you officially met,” Bodhi explains slightly embarrassed and Cassian goes completely red in the face. 

He tries to find a specific document on his laptop when he stumbles upon a folder simply named “porn”. Judging by the creation date this was done by Jyn’s Cassian (as he secretly calls himself) and frankly he’s slightly worried about its content. He knows it’s a bad idea idea to go through it now, especially with Jyn sitting a few feet away from him furiously scribbling something on her work papers, but the curiosity wins. He clicks on one of the files at random and gets a cheesy selfie of both of them outside his apartment. He clicks another. This one has Jyn cooking and frankly looking beyond annoyed. There are hundreds of pics in the folder and Cassian has a feeling they all have a similar subject. He finally clicks on one of the few videos. It’s a terribly cliché shot of a beach sunset that moves slowly to Jyn sitting close to the camera, a cocktail in one hand, her shoulders a bit reddish from the sun. Mi amor, she calls to him laughingly and it suddenly reverberates around the silent room. Cassian desperately shuts his laptop but one glance in Jyn’s direction confirms she’s heard it loud and clear. She stays silent for a few seconds, biting her lip in an obvious attempt to keep a straight face.

“Are you watching porn, Cass?” she asks before finally bursting into laughter.

He realizes he enjoys his new life about 5 weeks after the incident. Sure it’s still awkward when he bumps into Jyn freshly out of shower and he’s still confused by a lot of stories he hears about himself but his new (old) friends turn out to be great and it’s nice not to be so lonely in life. 

Chirrut and Baze, the married couple who lives 2 floors above him, come over with a pizza one evening. Jyn’s working late again and the apartment is a mess but Cassian finds himself liking them a lot more than he thought he would.

“We’d bring Chinese but we don’t like to add to stereotypes,” Chirrut informs him when Baze drops the pizza boxes on the table, shoving aside what looks like Jyn’s white scarf and a brown shoelace.

“Sorry about the mess,” Cassian apologizes, helplessly looking around what used to be his pristine, minimalistic apartment. “Jyn tends to just leave her stuff everywhere.”

Like her toothbrush inexplicably abandoned on the coffee table at least three times this week. Or one of her boots on the kitchen floor. Or her bra casually hanging from the living room chair.

“We know,” Baze chuckles and hands him a slice of pizza. “You mentioned this when she moved in.”

“But things are good between you two?” Chirrut asks shamelessly and Baze just rolls his eyes.

“Yes, all’s good. She’s good. I’m good. It’s all... you know... good.”

Cassian is sure he can’t sink any lower than that. He chews his pizza for a moment before deciding that yes, of course he can: “Do you happen to have any stories about me and Jyn where I’m not making a fool out of myself?”

“Not really,” Baze answers very frankly and Chirrut chuckles at that. “You did learn all the British monarchs in chronological order just to impress her with your knowledge on all things UK.”

“And I suppose she was-”

“Very much not impressed,” Chirrut finishes triumphantly and Cassian just sighs in resignation.

He’s cooking dinner one night when he hears the front door open. Jyn drags herself in, kicking off her shoes and shrugging off her coat  and before he can ask about her zombie-like state she wraps her arms around him and buries her nose between his shoulder blades. He can’t help it - he freezes, his whole body suddenly tense which in turn makes her freeze, her lethargy instantly gone.

“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” she mumbles and Cassian grabs her wrists before she can fully pull away. Neither of them dares to move until he can feel her slightly relax, taking a tentative step closer. He lets go of her hands and smiles.

“Any plans for Saturday?” he casually asks her.

She moves then and leans on the kitchen counter, looking at him with suspicion.

“No. Why?”

“I thought we could go out,” he says softly, trying to sound as reassuring as he can. “Dinner, movies. What do you say?”

“Like a date?” There’s still a trace of doubt in her voice. Like it’s a trap or a cruel joke. It hurts him more than he thought it would.

“Yeah, like a date,” he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and their eyes lock.

“Cassian,” she whispers, the tension suddenly overwhelming and he can’t help but wonder if this is it. The perfect moment for a kiss.

It’s not.

“Are you trying to be suave now?” She manages to utter between uncontrollable giggles.

“Laugh all you want,” he declares grumpily, “but one thing that I’ve learned these past weeks is how much of a lovesick fool I was around you.”

She laughs even harder at that.

“No, please, mock me some more,” he continues, turning back to the now slightly burned dinner. “I was like a mix of a total dork, a schoolboy with a crush and a fucking stalker.”

He hears her still howling with laughter and he’s genuinely unsure if he’s more embarrassed by Jyn’s Cassian or the current Cassian. But when she puts her hand on his arm and tenderly kisses his cheek it stops mattering.

He gets his memory back two days after their second first date.

[spacedadpicard]

TOP 3 CHARS for SHERLOCK (remember,, u love me), ROGUE ONE, INKHEART, LOTR

...what did i do to deserve--

Sherlock: (FOR THE RECORD, I’M ONLY THINKING OF S1-2 BC ONLY THOSE ARE CANON TO ME)

James Moriarty

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: i mean, listen. if we’re talking CANON Jim, then, like.... tbf they’re few and far between lmao. but ima go with his PASSION. i can’t think of one more more passionate about. “games”.worst quality: i mean the whole murdering people thing is a little off-putting.ship them with: is “myself” an acceptable answer? i also shipped him with sherlock for a while ngl.brotp them with: sherlock. uh. that’s pretty much it.needs to stay away from: guns. bombs. stupid people.misc. thoughts: i love him?? like ik he’s super evil and whatever according to canon, but, listen. when have i ever cared about canon? he is my beautiful lil snowdrop whom i adore.

Sherlock Holmes

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (once upon a time, he was def my type. not so much anymore, sorry sher)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: he’s a real smarty, that one. also his growing humanity. i dig it.worst quality: he can be a real douche, that one.ship them with: irene? a bit? idk.brotp them with: john. but also kinda not because he can be really mean to john, and i don’t dig that at all. jim?needs to stay away from: stupid people. high buildings. anderson.misc. thoughts: my feelings on sherlock are honestly so conflicted. like. s2 sherlock is my fav, honestly, because he’s mellowed out. he’s more human. i remember seeing a post on here that points out that in TRF, he gives a lady a blanket at one point and makes sure she’s okay. you wouldn’t catch him doing that in s1. but then, he can also be very horrible to his best friend and it’s like. okay. i get it. but...

Greg Lestrade

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (thought i was 100% over greg, and then realised that i’d still probs describe this silver fox as gorgeous... sigh)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his patience, probably. like. the amount of crap that guy puts up with, and he just knuckles down and does his job, and understands that people sometimes suck. and that’s okay; you can still do you, in spite of them.worst quality: like, tbh, i honestly can’t think of one.ship them with: molly? also myself.brotp them with: john.needs to stay away from: his ex-wife. misc. thoughts: i love this guy? he’s just a Solid Dude and like. idk he has a nice voice. anyway.

Rogue One (okay so... it’s been a while since i saw R1, and i only saw it once so just. take all my comments on the chars with a pinch of salt)

Cassian Andor

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: what i loved about cass was his dedication to his cause. his dedication to the rebellion. you can’t beat some good ol’ passion. and like, one of my favourite bits of the film was when he was like “you’ve just showed up and decided to care! i’ve been in this fight since i was six years old!” @ jyn and i’m like “get it”.worst quality: dude needs to have a laugh now and then.ship them with: tumblr user @brietopia​.brotp them with: bodhi? idk man. i mean, if they’d been around at the same time, then cass and poe for sure. i wanna see them kicking butt together. poe can make stupid jokes, and cass can be his straight man.needs to stay away from: things that go Boom, or Pew Pew :(misc. thoughts: idek i just love the guy. tbf i kinda have to or brianna might kill me lmao.

K-2SO

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (i just feel it’s kinda weird to judge a droid by human standards of beauty u kno)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: snark. SNARK.worst quality: snark. SNARK.ship them with: no one.brotp them with: cass.needs to stay away from: things that go Pew Pew :(misc. thoughts: i just love him, man. every single one of his lines made me laugh, p much.

Chirrut Ímwe

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his faith in the Force, man. like. “i’m one with the Force; the Force is with me” ? i’m gone. also his sense of humour.worst quality: i can’t even think of anything.ship them with: no one.brotp them with: BAZE.needs to stay away from: ALSO things that go Boom, or Pew Pew :’’’(misc. thoughts: i just love him? the scene where he goes over to the switch repeating his mantra is one of my favourite scenes in the entire film

Inkheart (it’s been roughly 1000 years since i read the books, so, again, forgive any mistakes)

Mortimer Folchart

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: tbh, how much he cares for his family. i love him so much. mo is Dad goals.worst quality: i can’t even think of anything?ship them with: teresabrotp them with: dustfinger? i suppose? i barely remember anyone anymoreneeds to stay away from: capricorn and all his dudes. all the baddies in the inkworld. death in general.misc. thoughts: ? i love mo. like. he’s so wonderful. he’s a great dad, who brought his daughter up surrounded by books, and then becomes a really awesome robin hood-esque character, and like? he’s wonderful.

Elinor Loredan

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: tbh i just loved that she was grumpy all the time and really loves books?worst quality: girl needs to lighten up, especially in book one. iirc, she was unnecessarily mean to meggie at times?ship them with: DARIUS.brotp them with: fenoglio tbh.needs to stay away from: nasty people who want to burn her books >:(misc. thoughts: i have Always loved elinor. and then i saw the film, and saw that they’d cast HELEN FKN MIRREN in her roles and i was like “good” and then loved her ever more.

Dustfinger (oh boi)

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: he’s my fire-breathing, fire-eating darling and i love him. he’s so soft, with all his little fairy friends? ALSO the fact he starts off kind of a coward, and then becomes so brave, iirc? like. swoon.worst quality: his cowardice in the beginning, and his selfishness, which kind of goes hand-in-hand with that cowardice.ship them with: MEEEE. and kinda resa for a while tbh.brotp them with: FARID.needs to stay away from: just. death in general.misc. thoughts: i love this guy so much. the Fire-Dancer, with the sandy blond hair, and the scars, and. HIS RSHIP WITH FARID kill me.

LOTR (going off the films for this, since i haven’t finished the books yet)

Aragorn 

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: he’s so brave and honourable and noble. like. man. whenever i think of aragorn, two scenes come to mind. firstly, when boromir has just passed away, and i remember aragorn standing and giving this small, sad, determined smile, with the sun shining on his face and catching in his teary eyes and. sigh. AND also “my friends... you bow to no one” LIKE DAMMIT MAN.worst quality: guy needs to just TAKE THE GAL.ship them with: arwen. always and forever tbh.brotp them with: legolas, man.needs to stay away from: big battles. guy deserves a break.misc. thoughts: i love aragorn so much. sometimes i’ll listen to his coronation song and start crying tbh bc? wtf i love him.

Frodo Baggins

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (he’s a cutie tootie)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his bravery and resolve. like, so many people hate on frodo for being whiny and cowardly and it’s like? tbh, i complain after i’ve been hiking for an hour, so the fact that this little hobbit, who has never once left the shire, goes on this huge, monumental journey is just. i mean, could he have done it without sam? no. definitely not. but does he deserve to be undermined because he needed that help? hell no:http://spaceprincessza.tumblr.com/post/138189499906/frodo-volunteers-himself-to-take-the-ring-tohttp://spaceprincessza.tumblr.com/post/127985283201/6-tolkiens-hero-was-average-and-needed-helpFIGHT ME.worst quality: i mean the one part in the film where i was like “frodo dammit WHY” was when he sent sam back. but even then, that wasn’t him. that was his paranoia, resultant of the ring, and of gollum’s stirring the metaphorical pot. so like. he doesn’t have any.ship them with: no one.brotp them with: SAM. SAM SAM SAM SAM SAM. BROTP TO END ALL BROTPS.needs to stay away from: magic rings; gollum; ring wraiths.misc. thoughts: i love him so much, and if you call him a coward, you’re gonna have me to contend with. also “i’m glad to be with you, samwise gamgee. here at the end of all things.”

Samwise Gamgee

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (he’s also a cutie tootie)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: HIS LOYALTY. HIS BRAVERY. SAM, MY DARLING. worst quality: literally none? sam gamgee is perfect, pass it on.ship them with: rosie cotton... “rosie cotton dancing. she had ribbons in her hair. if ever i was to marry someone, it would’ve been her. it would’ve been her.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOnhBKPSuWAbrotp them with: FRODO. FRODO FRODO FRODO FRODO FRODO. BROTP TO END ALL BROTPS.needs to stay away from: gollum. anything bad at all ever.misc. thoughts: I LOVE HIM. his entire speech kills me. it kills me, i tell you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlyYBtASteQ

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Haven DVD Commentaries; Season One, Episode 11 - The Trial of Audrey Parker

Cast and producers commentary (apparently over breakfast) with: Shaun Pillar Sam Ernst Eric Balfour Nathan Wuornos Emily Rose

(No commentaries for episodes nine or ten.)

Episode directed by Lee Rose, who everyone loves.

Shaun talks about how this was supposed to be a “bottle show” (i.e. self contained in terms of cast and sets, no new locations) and shot in six days to reduce costs. And was originally conceived as a clip show with a four day shoot.

When the show was being written, they didn’t what the budget for it would be, so they didn’t know how many days they had to shoot it in or how many sets they would be able to use. So they were writing it in a ‘swiss army knife’ format, not knowing which bits would get used in the end.

When it was conceived as a clip show, the ‘trial’ aspect of the episode title would have been more explicit, because we would have seen Agent Howard grilling Audrey, with flashbacks to the relevant episodes as she explains things to him. But they didn’t really want to do a ‘low budget’ clip show, so figured out a way to get seven days to shoot it.

But it was constructed so that a lot of it was shot on stage and with two actors to a scene “which is a really fast way to shoot scenes”. And so this allowed the writers to write and the actors to act and the whole thing became all about the characters.

Eric commenting that there was a lot of discussion about the poker scene to get the logistics of the card game right. Eric says he plays a lot of poker.

Emily really liking the scenes between Nathan and Garland (played by Nick Campbell).

Eric asking where Nick’s accent is from because “it’s not Canadian exactly” and Lucas saying “He is his own creation. The man knows no borders.”

The episode structured as three one-act plays

Wanting to show Nathan and Garland as stuck in this father-son thing where they talk and talk and nothing changes. Nick appreciating this because he recognised it from his relationships with his own family: “We just keep saying the same things and nobody hears anyone else.”

The budget constraints allowed them to write character scenes and to get deeper into these characters

Emily being very happy with Audrey’s outfit and Eric agreeing “that was one of the cutest outfits you wore”:

The exterior of the Rouge being a day-time shot, with CGI to make it look like night.

Emily being interested in the ‘trial’ aspect of the episode, wanting Agent Howard to grill her, for him to “ask the questions the fans had been asking” and to use it as an opportunity to defend why Audrey was still in Haven and what was going on.

Shaun talking about once an episode is written, sitting down for a table-read with the cast and taking their reactions and ideas into account and (usually) figuring out a way to incorporate that into the final version of the script.

Emily noting that this episode makes the point about how difficult it would be for these characters to explain to anyone else the things that happen in Haven. How do you explain the unexplainable?

Emily finding it interesting and a strange experience to film an episode where she wasn’t with Lucas the whole time (and him agreeing).

Talking about the scenes between Nathan and Garland, Lucas talks about how excited he was to have Nick Campbell on the show and that “it was like Christmas morning every day” and what a great actor he is.

Lucas’s Dad was visiting set the day that Lucas was having “these confrontational scenes” with his TV father, so there was a strange kind of parallel for him.

Eric saying that Lucas’s parents were “sweethearts” and Emily agreeing that working together on the show you feel like a family, so when more family come to visit it’s a nice thing.

Shaun talking about having some of the cast and crew round to his place and after a few drinks Lucas and Emily singing and playing guitar in his living room. And “it feels like we’re in Haven, actually living and breathing the actual show”, so that when they’re at work at creating these scenes “it’s pretty much the same thing”. 

Julia as a character who has some mother issues and has been trying to escape her past and escape Haven and escape this world and yet gets sucked back in. And they all love the woman who plays her, commenting what a great actor (and how gorgeous) she is.

They had to build a new bit of set for this episode [the inside of the Rouge, where Audrey is taking shelves out to find the hidden hatch]; an extra wall was built within Duke’s bedroom.

Liking the line making reference to the X-Files and jokes about disagreements about who actually came up with the line.

Sam finding it interesting which lines fans pick up on. For example Duke’s “I liked you better when you were in your cupcake room” line in episode 13, which Sam didn’t even remember writing. And Eric not being completely happy with his delivery of it. So they’re really interested in the fan reaction to that.

And then we’re into the scene where Duke and Julia are down inside the boat [in the store room or whatever], Eric saying that this is one of his favourite scenes and Shaun saying this is all about learning about Duke. 

Emily talks about how as actors they are often in the dark about the details of the characters. And Eric’s response is “You’re making it way deeper than me; I just liked that I had guns”. 

This scene being filmed in the studio and everyone agreeing what a fantastic job was done on the set (peeling paintwork and all). 

The shot of the Rouge out on the water being CGI’ed together from a shot of the actual boat, together with a ferry out on the water to provide the wake.

Emily comments how she was impressed how nice the inside of the Rouge looks and Shaun says that was Sam’s idea from the beginning, for it to “look like a shit hole from the outside” but inside it’s really nice. And how they’ve referred to it as the Millennium Falcon on that basis. And Eric saying it’s very indicative of his character “he looks like a shit hole from the outside, but on the inside …” [and trails off as others are talking]

When Audrey is trying to get a signal on her phone, Emily says she loved breaking the glass window and Shaun liking the detail of putting the rag there (which was Emily’s idea). 

Shaun liking Garland’s “She your partner, not your girlfriend” line. And Eric adding that one of his favourite Garland line’s was his “Let’s throw down yogamat” in an earlier episode. And some Garland and Duke lines (not those) being improvised. And Lucas joking, that well “they’re allowed to do that”.

Eric liking the moment where Duke pulls the trigger in the guy’s face. And the others agreeing; since he’s been kidnapped it’s completely plausible; “there’s an underbelly to Duke; you can’t take him too far”. 

And this scene [Duke and Julia talking about the boxes they’re surrounded by] as “coming down to the boxes” - the idea of Duke not knowing (and not caring) what’s in the boxes as being a key point, because as Shaun [or possibly Sam] says “Duke is not immoral; he’s amoral” and Eric agreeing. And then talking about whether he would steal and agreeing it would depend on the situation; he wouldn’t steal from a friend, or a widow, or a kid. But Eric joking that maybe he would steal an ice cream from a kid on a hot day. 

Discussions about the lighting and the value of having the sky light in the Rouge (and the station) to enable “natural motivated” light. Emily commented that people are often lit with less light on their faces and Shaun saying this adds mystery and suspense.

Emily talks about the scene where she finds the hidden hatch behind Duke’s bookshelf; there was a technical problem with the initial footage, so they had to reshoot it. And that was a challenge for her to get back into the right frame of mind. And issues with continuity. And Shaun saying we do actually see her pull the same book out twice, “something I noticed when I was doing the commentary for Syfy”. [so I guess there was another set of commentaries?]

The scene where Nathan and Garland are talking about what’s going on [“why’s she looking into poker cheats?”, “Why’s she trapped on the boat?”] was originally a lot longer with a lot more Why? Questions back and forth between them, before it was cut down just to the bits that were really needed. And Shaun says that “a lot of exposition gets written to satisfy certain needs,” but by the time they get to the final edit a lot of it is removed because after all they’re not doing a “radio play” and you don’t need all of those words when you can also show what’s happening.

Eric responding to questions from fans about “the length of my pants” [where he’s sat with his gun while Julia is pacing the room in front of him] asking whether he purposefully had them “high watered”. And he says that this was a “conscious choice” because he “wanted Duke to have this old, kind of 1950s sailor look a little bit, and the high-water pants were directly related to that because, living on a boat things get wet, things get moist, you’ve got water splashing around. So it was done on purpose, for those of you who were wondering.” 

And Shaun describes Duke as a “surfer, traveller, modern explorer, pirate”. And Eric agrees, adding that “he’s like Patrick Swayze in Point Break. I was channelling Bodhi.” And Shaun [I think] saying that they wanted Duke to be “Han Solo meets Jack Sparrow”. Eric jokes they could take that further and add some braids in his goatee, some eyeliner, or a gold tooth.

When we see water pouring into the boat, Emily jokes that this actually could have happened on the actual boat.

Them all agreeing that the actors playing Ezra and Tobias did a great job bringing those characters to life in what was a fairly short space of time. And Tobias’ role as underwritten, because there just wasn’t time to do anything else. And yet the actor did so much with it. And Shaun’s “only note on the whole episode” is that Tobias’ hair was “too pretty”. 

Discussions about the blood when Duke is getting beat up - CGI added afterwards to add to it. And when Duke is asked what the fake blood tastes like replies “horrible; weird coffee, chocolate syrup. And I don’t really like chocolate or coffee.”

And Sam talking about how they wanted to make sure Duke looked really beat up and not just “hollywood pretty boy messed up with one little cut on his cheek”, because Duke has probably been beat up a bunch and has probably beat a lot of people up. And that “Eric always wants to go as far as he can and he’s right”.

And Sam talking about how they always wanted to show different Troubled people reacting to their Trouble in different ways - so this is someone using it for “nefarious gain” and Eric says that nefarious is one of his favourite words and that when he was trying to think of names for his band at one point he wanted to use nefarious.

Shaun [or Sam?] talking about the point where Ezra realises where the box is and finds it over the side of the boat and liking this funny, quirky, weird and odd scene and being really pleased at how it worked out.

Eric talks about the day they spent filming out on the boat (in fairly rough seas and on a boat that “wasn’t ballasted properly”) and Emily getting really sea sick.

They filmed one full day in the station, one full day in the boat on stage, one full day out on the boat and one day at night on the boat docked. But the full day out on the boat turned into a half day because they had to get back. Emily spending every spare second between takes lying on the floor under a blanket because she felt so sick.

Lots of discussion between them as to whether it’s correct that Audrey would have to press the button on the phone when she’s talking to Nathan.

Shaun [I think?] tells Emily that, “You look hot with jeans and a gun in your back. Chicks with guns and tank tops are hot,” to which Lucas agrees. [In fact, I think they all agree.]

When we see Garland and Nathan talking about his mother, there’s a little comment from Eric to Lucas, “You look so pretty when your eyes are a little watery.” 

Emily talks about how interesting it is to watch these scenes having seen episode 13, with the information you now know that Garland is concealing and not saying is really interesting.

And Shaun picking this up as an example of why they don’t tell the cast what’s coming. Although at this point Nick knew what was coming for episode 13; they told him direct rather than have him find out from someone else. And originally they were going to completely kill Garland off, but “because it’s Nick, we left a backdoor”.

Lots of conversation about the part where Duke strips off. Eric noting that the funniest part about that was ”the underwear discussion” and how he was offered a load of different kinds of underwear for that scene and not being very impressed with any of them. Someone asks him “Did you end up wearing your own?” And he replies “No, because I don’t wear underwear in real life, so we had to find some and it was a fine balance of finding something funny enough without going over the top; we talked about leopard skin ones at one point …” Emily says that it should always be down to what the actor wants for something like that, because they’re the ones that have to stand around in their underwear. Lucas jokes “Yeah, so Eric was naked and they CG’ed those on.” But the only part that seems to bother Eric is that he’s not happy with the delivery of one of his lines (he said “and James Brown” rather than “or James Brown”).

Emily talks about feeling so sick while she’s trying to act having fun while talking to Duke through the earpiece.

And Eric talks about the “Eggs” line as a “Jack Sparrow moment”.

Emily says that what bothers her about this scene is that when we first see her come out from behind the crate, her tank top has ridden up above her jeans a little, but “they get so paranoid about a little piece of skin that they tape it down and you can see the jump”. 

Having to cut a “gorgeous” shot of the mast against the clouds because they were short on time.

Emily talking about how Audrey and Nathan hardly saw each other the whole episode and having to keep track of where they were in their relationship with each other (and also in Audrey’s relationship with Duke). 

Emily talks about what a big deal it was for Audrey to leave the FBI. And Shaun likes how we see that she’s “95% sure” but she shows that there’s a moment of doubt for her as well.

And Shaun [or Sam] talking about it being a hugely important character point where Duke decides not to open the box.

As for Duke saying konichiwa, this all coming back to his backstory that we will learn in upcoming seasons i.e. where he’s been? How did he end up on a boat? How did he end up the person that he is? 

This scene (with Duke on the phone and then putting the box back over the side) was shot in one take.

Eric commenting that Nick Campbell looks like a bad ass in the baseball cap and the others agreeing.

Garland going from nicotine gum in the pilot, to a cigarette now, to chain smoking in the season finale; “the kind of writer stuff that makes us happy and nobody notices”.

Agent Howard and Garland looking ‘bad ass’ stood there at the end together. Lucas talks about seeing a shot from the pilot of Agent Howard stood by his car and thinking “This guy looks so bad ass, this show is going to be awesome”. 

[I found it really hard to distinguish between Shaun and Sam’s voices, so some points are a bit vague about who’s speaking. For instance Ezra and Tobias were named after one of their brothers, but I really can’t tell who’s saying it. And it’s a little hard sometimes to tell exactly how serious they are being with every comment - and more to the point to accurately reflect the parts where they’re joking around. But hopefully this works]

[comradeocean]

Rogue One fic recs

Mostly Cassian/Jyn (rebelcaptain) with a few about K-2SO and ok also some meta links and this cool fanvid and a mixtape I made, or, No It’s Perfectly Alright My Life Has Been Overrun By Rogue One Not Like I Needed It For Anything Else (I do. It’s not alright. It’s really. really. not. alright.)

Organized by: K-2SO \\ Canon Compliant \\ AU - Scarif and Immediate Aftermath \\ AU - timeskip \\ AU - not even a little bit EU \\ AU - other (no Rogue One timeline, multiverse, etc) \\ Misc

- I’ve mostly avoided to non-canon AUs and WIPs but I’m sure that’ll change as I sink deeper into this mess - for the not-everyone-lives AUs, the surviving characters are denoted in brackets. (e.g. [BR, CA, JE]) if there are no brackets that either means the fic has everyone on the initial Rogue One team (BR, CA, JE, CI, BM, K) survive Scarif or that no casualties are mentioned - About 50 links in and I’m less than 3/4 through the tabs I have saved ooooops. I’ll continue to update as the spiraling continues.

===== K-2SO ===== title: Unseen by: TheCookieMonster77 rating: teen word count: 400 summary: Kaytoo had known this droid. notes: I found that droid extraction scene on Scarif very striking, like there was something horrifying and tragic going on. I'm glad someone wrote a little fic about it.

title: climb, climb by: peradi rating: not rated word count: 1039 summary: K-2SO: the droid with existential anxiety and a smart mouth. notes: "Additional Tags: Sad Robots" saaaaaad I am le sad

title: firefly by: peradi rating: not rated word count: 4483 summary: Humanity is infectious, Finn makes friends with droids, and K2 cannot get any rest: the story of how Rogue One flies again. notes: "additional tags: droids having feelings, musings about what droids are, the force has a plan and the force is a dick, chirrut imwe is always right, k2 can't catch a break, legacy, Crack Treated Seriously, the fic where k2 is reincarnated as the falcon" I laughed. I almost cried, several times. ALL the droids are so incredibly well written - K-2SO, BB-8, R2, the brief mentions of C3PO. the humans are ok too, I guess. [I kid, but Finn and Poe are legit amazing in this as well]

title: A Cog In Something Turning by: Redrikki rating: gen word count: 1742 summary: Cassian hadn't meant to give K-2SO free will. Good thing for both of them he's a terrible slicer. notes: my favourite Cassian-and-K-2SO fic

title: The Ghosts in the Machines by: squireofgeekdom rating: gen word count: 1985 summary: How K2SO's many ghosts aided the Rebellion and stymied the Imperials, and how one of those ghosts carried the memories of Rogue One past the end of the Empire. notes: love love love the concept and the execution

title: RUN SIMULATION: SCENARIO ABB-10AU by: sarahlucielle rating: teen word count: 1125 summary: K-2SO mentally simulates what might have been.

title: The Genre Does Not Support This by: nymja rating: teen word count: 990 summary: “I have decided to be proactive,” the droid responded primly. “Proactive? For what?” Jyn leaned forward in her chair. “Sexual tension will increase mission failure by approximately 12.95%.” K-2SO suspects something is going on between Cassian and Jyn. notes: they are so oblivious and bad at feelings[1]! K2 is so extremely put upon!!!! EVERTHING IS WONDERFUL AND NOTHING HURTS [1] Jyn had seen her share of strange things. An Imperial droid in a mood swing was now one of them. “…Right. Well.” She looked back down at her blaster, because that was at least a familiar terrain on which to solve a problem. “Let me know if I can help.” PERF JYN CHARACTERIZATION

title: not titled by: radiojamming rating: not rated word count: short summary: Jyn trying to get information out of K-2SO about what kind of things that Cassian likes. notes: Jyn! flailing! K-2SO! unhelpful in the extreme! a heartwarming ending!

===== Canon Compliant ===== title: on the white shores of scarif by: jynorgana rating: gen word count: 2648 summary: In case you were wondering, this is what Jyn Erso thinks about love. notes: love and Jyn and Saw Gerrera and Cassian. I wanted so much more of that fraught difficult relationship Jyn has with Saw Gerrera, with growing up with him. This is exactly what I wanted.

title: a hundred flags flying in a field by: ginnyweasleys rating: teen word count: 2850 summary: So much of him is all jagged edges and war-hardened heart. She hadn’t thought there was much room for softness.(five times jyn and cassian touch.) notes: I love how steady and careful Cassian is, esp in contrast to Jyn

title: Touching Freedom by: endeni rating: mature word count: 1795 summary: The things Cassian has done for the Cause. notes: “They don't own me,” she repeats, slowly this time. “What they do with my body, it doesn't matter. They think they can take what they want, do what they want, to us, to the whole galaxy. But they’re wrong, Cassian, okay? They’re wrong.” and later Like he never expected Cassian to last as long as he did in the first place, like he’d been waiting for those words to come out of his mouth for years now and he’s almost surprised he’s finally hearing them. people being conscious of having a body and trying to extract something from that consciousness is something I am drawn to

title: ghost stories by: ZeGabz rating: gen word count: 2085 summary: Rey's daydreams speak to her sometimes.The voices echo Rebellions. notes: Jyn is a force ghost only seen by Rey

title: hope lives on by: peradi rating: not rated word count: 7298 summary: Bodhi dies. This is what happens afterwards. Or: Bodhi becomes the patron saint of the Resistance. notes: very much a story of how Bodhi is a patron saint in the storyworld of The Force Awakens (with the mythology of the prequels and Rogue One intact). funny. slightly didactic, but in a way I found pleasing.

title: star-crossed by: poseidon rating: not rated word count: 2256 summary: They're not going to survive. They were never going to survive. notes: I like the K-2SO section

title: not titled by: reystars rating: not rated word count: short summary: headcanon segued into fic about that blaster Jyn stole from Cassian

title: not titled by: radiojamming rating: not rated word count: short summary: Jyn, inner thoughts: "He's staring at me again, why is he staring at me again - can't he stop judging me for a minute, GEEZ." Cassian, inner thoughts: "She's got space gravy on her bottom lip and I don't know if I want to tell her or if I want to lick it off." notes: a farce! the POV switch turns this into a veritable farce!

title: Sinner's Worth by: guineapiggie rating: teen word count: 1147 summary: For a while, they just sit there, pointedly staring at the wall opposite, but then her curiosity gets the better of her. “Why risk your life to get me out of there? I’d played my part. You lot should see the bigger picture, right?” At first, she thinks he’s just decided to ignore her, then he sighs softly and says: “The truth?” She doesn’t think his question warrants an answer. This man turns out to be a very unpredictable bundle of contradictions, and he’s far too honest for a spy. notes: post-Jedha

title: There For You by: guineapiggie rating: gen word count: 1954 summary: “That’s good,” she mutters, motioning towards her bowl with her spoon. His eyes dart up and then there’s a small smile twitching around his lips. It isn’t much, but it makes her wonder what he looks like with an actual smile on his face, and she imagines it looks quite nice. She hates herself a little for that thought." They reach Yavin IV and Jyn has every intention to lock herself in the room they've given her and not come out ever again. However, someone strongly disagrees with that plan. notes: post-Eadu OH MY GOD the yearning the unfulfilled! yearning!

title: rise/set by: nymja rating: teen word count: 452 summary: Her fingers slide over the mug. They’re both wearing gloves, but for a moment there’s something to the heat of the metal that she wonders about. notes: Jyn and Cassian and the sun during Rogue One. wistful in the best way.

title: Finding Myself (And Maybe You) series [WIP] by: copper_nails rating: mature, explicit word count: 16357 summary: "The barracks on Yavin Four aren’t meant to double as guest quarters." Or: Jyn's first night with the Alliance is a...cozy one. then: Cassian takes on a bunk guest and finds the entire experience...confusing. and: “I am not programmed to believe in miracles,” K-2SO informs her as they take the final steps towards the door, “but the fact that you did not kill the captain in his sleep registers as close to an impossibility as is processable. I do not anticipate such an outlier occurring again.” The effort it takes Jyn not to roll her eyes is almost unbearable. “We’ll see, K-2,” she says, stepping out into the light of day. “We’ll see.” notes: drunk bed-sharing, mutual distrust, sexual frustration. all that good stuff.

title: i imagine life so much it feels like a memory by: alsoalsowik rating: mature word count: 792 summary: In their final moments, Cassian sees an entire lifetime he won’t get to have in Jyn’s eyes. notes: I have such a weakness for these momentary could-have-been lives imagined by one or both of them on the beach.

title: What Might Have Been  by: AgentVeronica rating: teen word count: 2101 summary: With each soul, a world dies. notes: there is so much I love about this fic - the way the tenses and POV make it seem like instances of documentation, the way the imagined future spreads out

title: you were my new home by: katsumi rating: teen word count: 4690 summary:  She surprises herself with the force of the want in her. She’s only known him a few weeks—and he’s gruff, and secretive, and single-minded to a dangerous degree—but he’s the first person in a long time she’s had any real ties to. And yes, his loyalty is not to her so much as it is to the cause she’s now a part of. But for now, he’s just a little bit hers in a way that no one else has been for a very, very long time. Before they can meet with Saw Gerrera, they have to find Saw Gerrera, and that takes time. On the search, Jyn and Cassian grow closer. notes: lengthy missing moments fic of all our dreams

===== AU - Scarif & immediate aftermath ===== title: Beinahe [BR, CA, JE] by: guineapiggie rating: teen word count: 7071 summary: People around them assume they must have had an affair before, and she can't blame them. She's holding his hand, sleeping in his bed, and if she wasn't lauded a hero of the Rebellion, they would never let her do that. But they are, so instead they spin stories of the two of them. She couldn't care less. What she cares about, once he gets better, is what becomes of two people who were almost strangers and who held each other as death came for them, and then woke up to find they weren't dead. She doesn't know what that means, except that she wants to kiss him more than ever, because he's the only source of solace she has had in a long time, and she needs one more than ever. (If she had to chose a word for Cassian Andor, it's almost.) - Surviving Scarif and leaving Scarif are two very different things. - notes: amazing how survivor's guilt is written here. love the long, slow burn.

title: Inevitable [WIP] [BR, CA, JE] by: cellorocket rating: teen word count: 10869 summary: He had the kind of face you saw everywhere, and nowhere at the same time – so unremarkably average that it was almost suspicious. But he knew how to wear it, knew how to be a thousand different things; whatever the mission required. Though he often disappeared into whatever role he was assigned, sometimes she saw glimmers of an emotion she couldn’t read ripple over those strangely common features, and knew it had no place in a liar’s arsenal of masks. Sad eyes, she thought, shivering. He can’t hide those. || the rogue one trio + episode iv and onward notes: I really like Bodhi and Jyn’s POVs and the sense of how strange it is to be so extremely close to people they barely know, and the simultaneous distance that incongruity creates

title: Long Way Home series [WIP] by: noelia_g rating: gen, explicit word count: 15357 summary: In which they all live and Jyn Erso is on a quest to fix a droid. Rogue One in the aftermath. Cassian Andor before Rogue One, during, and after. notes: god GOD

title: Arm's Length [CA, JE] by: FollowMyFeet rating: mature word count: 6404 summary: "You want me to hate you?" he hisses. "Okay, I'll hate you." notes: the first chapter killed me

title: stubborn hope by: conjurewithrisk rating: teen word count: 475 summary: This is a rebellion. They rebel by staying alive. notes: so I have lots of thought and feelings about martyrdom and survival and how maybe staying alive is the most revolutionary thing of all but also possibly the least idk. this brought up some stuff for me

title: they have stolen the heart from inside you (but this does not define you) [CA, JE] by: gingergenower rating: teen word count: 1578 summary: Jyn and Cassian escaped Scarif, and they end up in a rebel base in the middle of nowhere while they collect themselves. They are all stardust. notes: I like the fics where they are stricken with survivor’s guilt. I also like this one where Jyn’s detached and quietly bewildered. just observing things as they happen, having thoughts filter in and out

title: Stay in Motion [WIP] by:  ignitesthestars, nymja, starforged rating: teen word count: 5184 summary: Short stories set in a universe where the Rogue One crewmembers survive

===== AU - timeskip (after Scarif) ===== title: the sharp edge of survival by: with_the_monsters rating: teen word count: 3950 summary: They're heroes, now, but the not the type of heroes the Republic wants. Not bright and clean and effortlessly Light. Not able to sit still or give up the fight. The fight built each of them, after all. Made them what they are. notes: I really like this iteration of everyone-lives because there are gaps between surviving and living and what those are and how they might be filled is written in a very real and touching way.

title: Clean Shaven by: 19RosesofLifeandDeath98 rating: gen word count: 1263 summary: Cassian liked routines, and Jyn liked Cassian. It wasn’t a hard protocol to follow. notes: post mission hand injury oh no how will Cassian maintain his shaving schedule. so sweet and awkward I love it!

title: in the spaces series [WIP] by: nymja rating: teen, explicit word count: 9701 summary: Jyn, Cassian, and their intersecting moments during the Galactic Civil War. & Jyn, Cassian, and the war not ending after Endor. notes: I made many whale noises whilst reading this fic. another one for the post-Scarif trauma + slow, long burn file.

title: Cryptography [WIP] by: someinstant rating: teen word count: 6985 summary: Compromised, Cassian read, his fingers numbing against the screen. Jyn says to orphan. The words blurred, and he dropped the pad. “To orphan?” Senator Organa asked the general. She didn't pretend not to have read over Cassian's shoulder. “Cut ties,” said Draven. He cleared his throat. "It's what you do when an agent goes rogue--" Cassian shook his head. “No,” he said, mechanically. "It means 'to abandon.'” notes: “And the ending is amazing. The third act is perfect, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Which is why I'm just gonna shift the world over *just a little*, and keep going.” so exciting and plotty!!!!!

title: i don't care if heaven won't take me back by: gingergenower rating: explicit word count: 6628 summary: Cassian's compromised and kidnapped on a routine mission, taken by a crime mob working with the Empire. The Alliance orders Jyn to cut and run because too many lives would be lost failing to save him. As is her nature, she goes rogue. notes: riveting action scenes. I’m a sucker for the ride-and-die Jyn characterization

title: something distracting by: PastyPirate rating: explicit word count: 4679 summary: Cassian never really thought about statutes of limitations on disobedience. Mainly because he’d never disobeyed an order before. But after nine months, and a mission that can only really be called successful (body count and everything), he felt like getting a slap on the wrist for disobeying an order was a bit much. In which; Cassian has no idea how to properly be grounded, he ends up thinking too much about things he'd rather not focus on. notes: in love with Cassian’s running internal monologue and his constant berating of himself

===== AU - not even a little bit EU ===== title: not titled drabble by: plinys rating: gen word count: short summary: jyn x cassian, partners in crime au

title: we will not grow old by: Wildehack rating: mature word count: 3001 summary: In the dream, Jyn’s father is there, just like he was when she was new. He cups her face in his hands, and a rush of yearning fills Jyn’s chest, but she’s not sure what for. He brushes her hair out of her eyes, sits down beside her in this strange, cold room. “Analysis,” he says. notes: Westworld AU

title: not titled by: raspberrylimonade rating: not rated word count: ~ 1000 summary: Where instead of being killed in the blast, Jyn and Cassian are transported to LA in the early 2000s where Cassian becomes a retailer for home appliances (based of this interview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRZ1ihipQso) and Jyn becomes a fitness instructor. notes: charming!

===== AU - other (no Rogue One timeline, multiverse, etc) ===== title: The Jedha Moon Jockey [WIP] by: ballantine rating: mature word count: 3963 summary: “Jedha’s not a priority for the Alliance at the moment,” he says, not looking away from the open panel. “Oh, of course,” the girl says. “It’s not like the occupation of this moon has anything to do with its extensive kyberite ore, which, if you didn’t know (but you should), the Empire has started to turn to for energy enrichment. And it’s certainly not like the Alliance’s apparent abandonment of one of the most revered symbols of the Jedi Order will have any impact at all on rebel morale in the Mid Rim — ” Cassian momentarily gives up on opening the cell door in favor of putting his head in hands and groaning. notes: “Cassian picks through the wiring and says, “For someone who obviously hates the Empire with so much passion, you don’t seem too worried about being caught in one of their holding cells.” She shrugs one shoulder. “Saw Gerrera will come for me. He always does.”” EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED. "Saw Gerrera did not abandon Jyn" is a tag but so is "Loss of Faith." I am worried.

title: not titled / Sic Itur Ad Astra  by: radiojamming / ClockworkCourier rating: not rated word count: ~ 2600 summary: Jyn Erso, unsurprisingly, turned everything he believed about himself and the galaxy right on its head; what was right, what was wrong, and what to do about it. It was all different because of her, and he couldn’t help but feel something like a sinking sensation in his chest when he realized that. He didn’t accept it, though. Not without a mark. Not without a reason. notes: jyn/cassian soulmate (w matching birthmarks) AU. does the fatalism of the trope very evocatively

title: Propaganda by: pantropia rating: not rated word count: 812 summary: Neither the Rebellion nor the Empire are above using popular media as propaganda. notes: movie within a movie meta fix-it

title: And The Next [WIP] by: ienablu rating: teen word count: 20448 summary: Jyn looks to the disappearing horizon and thinks, The Force is with me, I am one with the Force. The Force is with me, I am one with the Force. The Force is strong with me, I am – Jyn wakes up in her Wobani prison cell, panting and a scream dying in her throat. notes: I love Groundhog Day AUs. this is one of the best I've ever read. the most recent chapter (4) is painful in the perfect way.

title: The RebelCaptain Ultimate Kiss Mod [WIP] by: Coryphefish rating: teen word count: 504 summary: There should have been a kiss on the beach? In the elevator? Why stop there? This is the fix-it fic we really need! ALL the moments in Rogue One where it almost happened? Now it did!

title: not titled drabble by: kylorenvevo rating: not rated word count: ~1000 summary: jyn/cassian alias!au with jyn spying on the empire and cassian as her rebel handler

===== Misc ===== - a really wonderful fanvid - radiojamming: important features of k-2so day - rinsantago: "In retrospect, there was no freaking way that Jyn and Cassian could have been Rey’s parents." - iamthezip: "What does little 6-year-old Cassian “rebellions are built on hope” Andor do for the fucking rebellion?!" - thegrayship: ““You DUMPED me!” vs “They’ll be back for me.”” [Jyn and Rey comparisons] - lionmettled: “Info on Chirrut and Baze from the Visual Dictionary” - notbecauseofvictories: “I have managed to find a single feeling about galen erso, and it mostly concerns him being an amoral figure, wearing very badly-fitting moral skin” - Star Wars: Rogue One places Asian heroes at the core of its revolution - rukbats: “Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that by modern standards we can safely assume that Cassian Andor was most probably a scorpio, sagittarius or a capricorn thank you for coming to my TED talk” - betterbemeta: “3P0 is simultaneously totally useless yet hyper functional because he was not made according to any specs except “the best most toughest things possible to help my mom for a long long time on a hot desert planet” - I made a Cassian Andor mixtape!

I am here and always ready to cry with you about revolutions and Saw Gerrera and Cassian and Jyn. ☭<3☭

[raisindeatre]

A collection of Rogue One thoughts I have below the cut! (Because spoilers and because they are long and because they are just all over the place)

Oh man. There were so many things I loved about this movie but also so many things that... I wouldn’t say hated but that I definitely wasn’t fond of? Here is everything I thought about it, in a jumbled up mess:

- There’s a post going around about how great it was, cinematically, that the film began with a cold open, just to drive home how sudden and brutal it is when Krennic comes to drive the Ersos apart, and I definitely agree, but opening music aside I also feel like the soundtrack for this movie was not as inspired as any of the other Star Wars films? There was definitely no real theme that stuck in my head after I left the cinema, the way Binary Sunset or Rey’s Theme did. 

- I know that Star Wars still has a long, long way to go when it comes to diversity (where are the WOC?) but can I just say how happy I am that there was so much GOOD representation in this movie??? With Diego and Riz and Donnie and Jiang and how they got to keep?? Their accents?? Seeing people who looked like me on the big screen, in one of my favourite franchises ever? The joy of it was like an avalanche. 

- And the characters? I adored Cassian so much. I love how when we first see him he seems like an upstanding heroic Rebellion captain who fights for right and wrong AND HOLY SHIT HE KILLED A MAN IN HIS FIRST SCENE WHAT! Moral gray areas!!!! Good shit! And his whole arc about how sometimes the Rebellion is just as f*cked up as the Empire, and how he can face that and himself, and finally be able to say “Yes I know the Rebellion has done bad things, and nothing is ever clear-cut, but goddamn it I still believe in this cause I have given decades of my life to, and I will still fight because there must be something good at the heart of it all there must be and I won’t give up now” I just. Good good stuff.

 - BAZE AND CHIRRUT! THE BEST MARRIEDS! I love how there is basically no backstory on these two but you get the sense of history just from the way they are around each other, the sense of together and always and home in ways that were so subtle? Just the absolute trust they have in each other, the snark and the banter and the genuine, terrible affection and I HATE EVERYTHING. The way they just joined the gang after Jedha and no one says anything about it lmao

- That little scene where Jyn shoots the Imperial droid and right behind it is K-2SO is a thing of beauty I laugh every time

- Speaking of Kaytoo, I love him so much. There are no words. And this! This!!! Kaytoo is ME

- Here’s what I really, really didn’t like about this movie though: the pacing. A lot of it felt very uneven. The transitions from one scene to the next felt very jarring. And I think a lot of the movie suffered from that. I’ve read about how there were a lot of deleted scenes and reshoots, which I think helped to explain the terrible pacing of this film, but not justify it per se? Like if you knew there would be so many reshoots etc, you have an obligation to make sure this film would still be coherent, which it wasn’t at all. What was the point of the Bor Gullet scene? The ominous part where Saw says, “one tends to lose their mind,” and how... literally nothing happened to Bodhi after that? All the suspense and from what I can tell he emerged just marginally more slimy. I’ve seen the movie twice and I still don’t understand. The pacing was just god-awful 

- And this brings me to my least favourite part of this movie: Jyn. Oh, my god, you guys. I wanted to love Jyn so much. I was so excited. And I was so, so disappointed when I didn’t, and it led to a lot of soul-searching (why do I not like her, when I adore almost every other character in this film? Is it internalized misogyny? Do I not think female characters have the right to be as conflicted and morally gray and angry as men? If so, WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT ME)

- But I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s nothing to do with that (I adore angry women! I wish we had more angry women in the media!) and EVERYTHING to do with the pacing. I don’t dislike Jyn - I just don’t understand her. Who is she? So much of her character motivations are lost to us, and so much of her character development was rushed. Any poignancy that we might have felt when Saw says, “Are we not still friends?” Like dude! There was zero backstory between the two of you, no flashbacks. I have no idea what she feels about you. And we don’t see when Jyn’s motivations change, which is such a huge issue for me. When does she decide ‘it’s not a problem if you don’t look up’ is no longer her philosophy? How did she get from snarling at Cassian on the journey back from Eadu to looking at him all heart-eyed in the hangar? When did Jyn ‘YOU WENT UP THERE TO KILL MY FATHER’ Erso become Jyn ‘I’m not used to people sticking around when things go bad’ Erso??? This is also where Rebelcaptain becomes a problem for me, because I don’t see the tipping point here. I don’t see the point where animosity became trust. The fight she and Cassian had was much-needed, and I was looking forward to it, but it was never resolved? It just cut to the Council scene and then to Cassian rounding up a couple of dudes to head over to Scarif because he believes Jyn and he wants to make it up to her and I just? What? When did this happen?

- This was also the problem I had with Bodhi. Oh my GOD I wanted to love Bodhi Rook, but I just couldn’t because I just didn’t understand him. What makes Cassian and Chirrut and Baze’s charater arcs so much more coherent is that they never really had a seismic shift in motivations and priorities. Like yeah Cassian has to really face up to the fact that the Rebellion can suck, but he still believes in it. He still fights for it. We never really saw when Jyn went from being apathetic to the cause to goddamn leading a suicide mission to Scarif. We never really saw what made Bodhi decide to defect (which is such a HUGE THING BTW!! A decision that would lead to certain death if the Empire caught him!) in the way we did with Finn in TFA. Why did he do it? Why is Galen so important to Bodhi? Who knows! Certainly not me! Frustration! Rage! Confusion!

- So yeah. That was a thing I hated. You have glorious hair Bodhi, but I’m going to need more than that to really be team Rook

- The battle scenes were great though! And we got so many of them! How Cassian shot one of Saw’s rebels down to cause that explosion! How Chirrut took out like 20 stormtroopers and still had time to snark? Baze’s epic guns (in more ways than one)? Jyn kicking ass with her little stick as Cassian looks at her in awe (A good dynamic. A+) ALL THE SCENES ON THE BEACH. THAT PART WHERE THE HAMMERHEAD CORVETTE JUST GENTLY BUT INEXORABLY NUDGES THE STAR DESTROYER INTO F*CKING UP SCARIF’S SHIELD SYSTEM. Marvelous

- DARTH VADER. WHAT A GUY. I know we make fun of his awful Dad joke (”choke on your aspirations” ANAKIN PLS) and how Extra™ his lava palace with the softly-lit catwalk is but also. ALSO. I was never afraid of Darth Vader in any of the past movies, but the scene at the end actually made me viscerally nervous. The part where the Rebellion soldiers are staring into the darkness, guns at the ready, hearts pounding... and then the shadows start breathing, and suddenly this glorious-awful red lightsaber just hums to life, illuminating Vader just watching them, lazy and predatory.... It really drove home to me the fact that Darth Vader is the terror of the Resistance. He’s the nightmare they tell their children about, quiet in the shadows. He’s the last thing they see before darkness falls. F*ck me up

- Rebelcaptain! was not a thing I enjoyed at all after my first viewing, or even my second. In fact, I don’t know that I ship canon Rebelcaptain so much as I do fanon Rebelcaptain. All the fics I’ve read just portray such a better dynamic of their relationship than I ever saw in the movie. And I think what was the tipping point for me were all the excerpts I saw of the Rogue One novelisation, especially the part where Andrew Freed writes at the end, “He didn’t know her, of course. There wasn’t the time to” and I think that’s what I ship about it. I don’t believe they were romantic at all during the course of the film (again! pacing was a mess!) but I love the idea that if they had survived, if they had gotten out... there might have been something. There might have. That delicate hope pushed aside because it’s war now, love, and we can’t think about this, we just need to survive, to get to one more day... (but maybe, just maybe) THAT’S THE DYNAMIC I SHIP. The almost of it all. The maybe of it all. They aren’t OTP level, but you can bet your ass that I will read fic and reblog gifsets and whatnot 

- The elevator scene though GOD. And the beach scene, just the two of them holding each other tight at the end of the world and Jyn’s eyes as she looks into the light of a thousand suns... bye

- IN CONCLUSION I had so many problems with this movie, but overall I do think it was a great addition to the ‘verse. And I love how the nameless rebels at the beginning of A New Hope aren’t nameless anymore, we know them, their faces and their voices and the way they smiled and snarled and fought... I knew how the story would end (as did we all) but it still tore my heart out of my chest which I think is the main takeaway

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

i was tagged by @mithlomi to list my favourite films of 2016 (i hope ‘with pictures’ is not a part of the original meme--i wasn’t sure)

(also i hope it’s ok that i’ve included tamil and hindi films)

2016 was a fantastic year movies-wise. here are some of my faves (not in any order, chronological or otherwise):

Irudhi Suttru (’Saala Khadoos’ in Hindi)

A fairly generic underdog sports film on the face of it, but so wonderfully executed. Ritika Singh is one hundred percent the find of the year--she is so natural in front of the camera. I loved the way it was shot--from the fish market to the slums to the run-down training centre to the boxing competitions on the beach--a sort of honest but familiar and affectionate thing that is entirely removed from the poverty-porn that comes from hollywood portrayals of this corner of the world.

Tamasha

(This was technically released late 2015, but I watched it in Jan ‘16, so.) It takes its time to grow on you, but once it does it never goes away. I have issues with the plot but the editing and the music and finally the chemistry between the leads makes it one of the more memorable things of the last year.

Aandavan Kattalai

Another Ritika Singh movie! I say it a lot, but this is the film that actually had me fall out of my seat with laughter in the theatre. Like, literally. I was on the floor. Gasping for breath. Hubby would’ve been concerned, but he was too busy laughing too. Basically: this film is how you make a ‘movie with a message’ that’s also wildly entertaining.

Iraivi

Ah. The ‘feminist’ movie, that was really more about masculinity--or our society’s toxic version of it. I wrote a post about it here, but it bears repeating: the kind of stuff that leads to these guys’ downfall is the kind of macho shit that’s practically venerated in every movie that we churn out every year. It’s so disquieting and filled with moments that feel genuine and unstaged. One of the little touches I loved and that I didn’t mention in my original review is this scene where SJ Suryah’s character (SJS was a revelation in this movie!) is lying in a dirty bathtub, drunk out of his mind, and Five Hundred Miles from Inside Llewyn Davis is playing in the background. His movie that he’d worked so hard to write and direct, his magnum opus, is being held ransom by a terrible producer, who plans to release it cutting him out. When I realised how appropriate it was that they played Five Hundred Miles over that scene I squealed out loud.

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

This was so good! My love/interest in Harry Potter has waned considerably in recent years, and I wasn’t sure that a film that included none of the characters I originally fell in love with was going to revive my interest, but I am on tenterhooks waiting for the next installment. It took a familiar universe and made something new and fascinating out of it--plus, the setting, costumes and visual effects were fucking out of this world.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

I wasn’t sure how any future Star Wars installment was going to top The Force Awakens in terms of pure entertainment, and I was right: Rogue One wasn’t nearly as funny, or charming, or filled with warm nostalgia. But I loved the texture of it, the memorable characters, the grit and grime over the perfect whiteness, and of course, my man Bodhi Rook. I love how this film furthered this new Star Wars wave of exploring the individuals in the movement--how you didn’t need to be a Jedi or a Sith or a princess to be conflicted or make sacrifices for your principles. I mean. Watching A New Hope right after this is surreal.

Moana

This was really fun! Particularly notable for how Disney subverted my ‘adorable sidekick’ expectations--I had my money on that pig being Moana’s trusty sidekick, a little confused when it looked like it was going to be the survival-challenged chicken, then a bit blindsided when they made the whole frickin ocean her adorable sidekick. That was pretty awesome.

Ae Dil Hai Mushkil

So it was filled with cliches and filthily rich, purposeless people. It still fucking made me laugh and openly cry, and was a surprisingly mature exploration of unrequited love, unmet expectations and Nice Guy-ism. Plus, the songs are fucking addictive. I’ve made my fellow residents SICK of Channa Mereya because I hum it at every possible opportunity. 

Honourable Mentions:

Kabali, Chennai 600028-II, T3en, Doctor Strange.

-

Tagging... @sillierthanasillylaugh, @hacash, @franklyineedcoffee, @themegalosaurus and @sunflowerchester. only if you want to; no pressure!

[sydneytorome]

‘Tis the season to be jolly

My dearest family, friends and readers

With the holidays coming up, what better way to get in the Christmas spirit than to share what December, the holiday month, is like down under? Spoiler alert: there’s no snow involved. Shocker.

On the first of December; my friends Stella and Peter, my teacher and I went surfing at Maroubra before class. Unfortunately, I faced a tiny little problem: I still didn’t find a new board and the surfshop wasn’t open - surfers usually aren’t that disciplined when it comes to time schedules. So I ended up sitting on the beach, watching the rest of them hit what looked like a few of the best waves I had ever seen here. Luckily, I had Stella’s mom to keep me company! We talked about yoga, school, life in Germany and Belgium, and about surfing. After a while, Stella and Peter gave us their boards so Stella’s mom (yes, she surfs!) and I could have a bit of fun in the water. 

They joined to swim with us, but after a few minutes we found ourselves stuck in a small rip. I let go of Stella’s board so we could both hang onto it and try to swim back, but as we were both feeling a little panicky, we stupidly tried to swim back straight to the shore instead of just paddling out away from the current. It didn’t take long before two lifeguards came to help us, so we made it to the beach safely in no time. At least I can tick that one off my bucket list!         Even though I had just been stuck in the rip for a good 5 minutes, it felt as if I had just ran a marathon. I treated myself to an avocado sandwich and kale-banana smoothie before making my way to class. Happy December, everyone!      

The next morning, on Friday, it was sweltering hot. No one had any energy to do something, so we went out for a healthy and refreshing breakfast at Calipress Surry Hills instead.

We chilled in a nearby park until the infamous gelateria Gelato Messina opened to have a scoop – in our case, a few scoops – of their to-die-for gelato. Is there any better way to fight the heat? In the evening, Froukje and I went to Hoyts Cinema to watch Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. We’re both the biggest Harry Potter fans, so we were more than excited to see the new spin-off. I’m not going to share any spoilers, but I’ll give you this: it is absolutely amazing.

On Saturday, I had planned to go surfing with Stella and her mom in Manly. Unfortunately, I overslept a little and was in a bit of a hurry while making my breakfast, so I accidentally cut my thumb while I was slicing up my grapefuit. I’m going to spare you the gory details, but it was so bad that I literally felt how the colour drained from my face. I felt so sick afterwards that I decided to call it off and have a rest day in bed with lots of movies and some comfort food.

On Sunday, I took the ferry to Manly with Froukje and Noëlle. I had taken my board with me to see if I could find a place to sell it and find a new one, but no luck. We spent the day walking along the boardwalk, had a once again yummy lunch at Moo Burgers and enjoyed the sun on the beach.

In the mean time, I was browsing on Gumtree to see if there happened to be new ads selling surfboards. I got lucky! I found a girl from Denmark who lived in the Eastern Suburbs and left for Thailand in a week, so she had to sell her surfboard quickly. It came with fins, a leash, a board bag and extra wax. I immediately went over to her to have a look, and I’m not joking when I say the board looked brand new. She had taken so much care of it! Above all, it’s the perfect size for me, so I couldn’t be happier.

The next Monday, I crossed the Harbour Bridge to wander around North Sydney. We were actually looking for a peticular street in that area that’s known for its blossoming lilac jacaranda trees, but most of them had already lost its colour due to the windy weather of last weekend. We walked along the harbour pathway and passed the famous Luna Park and enjoyed the covered views on the harbour from Wendy’s Secret Garden.

We were back home just in time before one of the craziest thunderstorms I’d ever seen clattered over Sydney. Apparantly not only the animals in Australia want to kill you! That evening, I found a letter along with a big bar of dark almond chocolate on my pillowcase. Confused, I looked at Froukje, who was grinning ear to ear. Of course, it was the 5th of December and that’s when they celebrate Sinterklaas in the Netherlands! Yes, I know, you don’t have to remind me that those Dutchies have some weird customs. Anyway, I think it’s fair to say I had one of the sweetest Sinterklaas-presents this year.

On Tuesday, I visited the Queen Victoria Building, an outstandingly beautiful shopping centre that occupies a whole block. The whole building was beautifully decorated with the most exquisite Christmas decoration. We were lucky enough to come across a girls choir that was singing Christmas charols. It was the very first time I had a genuine Christmas feeling here! 

On Wednesday evening, Stella intruced me to the world-renowed Jivamukti Yoga, which happens to have a studio in Newtown. It was literally the best yoga session I’ve ever had! The class was really intense and the whole atmosphere of the studio was already relaxing in itself. Afterwards, we went out for dinner at Lentil As Anything, a vegan non-profit restaurant and comminty centre that only works with volunteers from all over the world. You can only chose between 4 main dishes and they change daily, as they always have different chefs. The best thing? You pay after you’ve finished and it’s up to you how much you want to give. So cool! We walked around for a while and finished the lovely night by getting yummy and guilt-free vegan icecream at Gelato Blue. You’ve guessed it: Newtown is the more alternative suburb of Sydney. 

Thursday morning, we took a stroll around the Chinese Garden of Friendship. I had expected it to be all zen and quiet, but it’s actually quite touristic and sort of looks like an artifical version of Indonesia. We ate our lunch at Darling Quarter afterwards, one of my absolute favourite parts of the city by far!

On Friday afternoon, we had a class excursion to Cockatoo Island, a formal industrial site in the middle of Sydney harbour. Now, it just looks like a giant ghost town where you can go glamping. Oh, they also host the Ninja Warrior show there, some weird race where athletes have to pass all sorts of weird obstacles. I had never heard of it, but apparantly Australians tend to go crazy over it It did feel a little bit weird to call with my sister that afternoon. She had just woken up; I was looking over at the Harbour and I had to wish her a happy 21st birthday over the phone. Although I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now, I do miss having my family around on big days like these. In the evening, we went out to a club in the Rocks. Somehow – don’t ask me why – we got into the VIP section for free, so we got free drinks all night. I’m sort of going to ignore the fact that the manager was a little bit of a creep, but hey, at least we had a laugh.

On Saturday, we took the ferry up to North Head to walk along the North Head Heritage Trail. We immediately reached Collins Beach, which is famous for its cliffdiving and its yachts, so we decided to chill there for a while and do some people watching instead of really hiking any further. Unfortunately, we only found out about the cliffjumping when we got back home, otherwise we sure would have taken a dip!  

In the evening, I had dinner at Bodhi In The Park, a vegetarian dim sum restaurant right next to the beautiful St Mary’s Cathedral. It was absolutely delicious! Afterwards, we watched the Christmas lightshow at the St Mary’s Cathedral.

On Sunday, we took the bus to Palm Beach, the most northern beach in Sydney and home to the famous Aussie TV-show Home And Away. We had to stand on the bus for 2 hours (!) straight as it was so incredibly packed. When we finally made it, we took a short but rather heavy walk through the Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park up to the Barrenjoey Lighthouse so we could enjoy the splendid view over the palmtree-shaped beaches. Of course, we couldn’t resist some excissive photoshooting! #whenwhitegirlsgotothebeach   

Afterwards, we layed on the beach and enjoyed the perfect temperatures. It was a perfect day to relax – somehow, the beach was almost empty. Quite the contrast with the ever so bustling Bondi.

I had my new board with me, so even though the waves weren’t that good, I couldn’t wait to try it out. Oh, happy Sunday!

The next Monday; Stella, Peter and I went to Bondi to have our last surfing session together. Stella is graduation by the end of this week. I’ll miss my little German sassy yoga-loving vegan surfqueen! It was my very first time surfing at Bondi and I can’t deny it felt pretty cool. Luckily, no lifeguard was needed this time. Although I wouldn’t mind coming across the infamous Bondi lifeguards, if you ask me. In the evening, as my entire body felt sore, I took a yoga class to stretch it all out. Tired, but satisfied!

On Wednesday, my friend Laura and I had lunch in The Domain, a huge park where they host sporting and music events. During lunchtime, the businesses around the CBD hold short soccer competitions here. Quite a funny sight to see! Afterwards, we visited the Art Gallery Of NSW. The building itself is already beautiful, but the art collection is even more amazing!

In the evening, I went to the Coldplay concert. I couldn’t believe my luck when scored some cheap tickets a couple of weeks ago! Coldplay has always been one of my favourite bands in the whole wide world, and to be able to see them live for the very first time in one of my favourite cities in the whole wide world, filled me with a feeling of undescribable joy. It was raining lightly when we got there, but even the rain couldn’t kill my good mood. We were also lucky enough to have the wonderful Lianne La Havas as a warm-up act. When Coldplay started playing, the rain magically stopped and the whole stadium lit up with flickering neon fairylights. I was shaking; I had goosebumps all over my body! All I could think of was how utterly happy and grateful I am to be, here, in Sydney. So, yes, in between the dancing and jumping and singing along, I did shed a few tears.

On Thursday, the weather wasn’t all that nice, so I decided to stay in bed the whole morning and relax a little. I was leaving for Brisbane the next day, so I wanted to feel energised enough for the weekend.         Later that day, I called with my cousin Ella, who turned 18. It just doesn’t feel the same to celebrate her birthday withouth actually being around her!    

On Friday, we had to be at the airport really, really early to catch our flight to Brisbane. Luckily, that meant we would arrive in Brisbane really early as well! We immefiately took a taxi from the airport to South Bank, where we enjoyed the most delicious açai bowls and cappucino’s with a few on the Brisbane letters and Ferris Wheel.

Afterwards, we made it to our AirBNB to quickly unpack our things, do some groceries and have a lunch on our terrace.

After lunch, we took an upstream ferry to the city for some sightseeing. We walked  along the Brisbane River, enjoyed the Royal Botanic Garden, did some window shopping at Queen Street Mall and strolled along the Christmas stalls at the Brisbane City Council square. 

I was one happy girl when I came along a food stall selling gluten free mini donuts ! We asked for four, one donut for each one of us, but we got 4 more for free as « an early Christmas surprise ». Christmas did come early this year – they were divine!

We walked back to the river to have a drink at the Riverbar, a really cool lounge bar and restaurant overlooking The Story Bridge and Kangaroo Point. Cheers to Brisbane!

In the evening, we went back to Southbank and walked around the parklands and pools. It was still so warm outside, so a lot of people were enjoying the water while watching a Christmas movie on a big in-water flatscreen. Some people were mindlessly strolling around the boardwalk; others were laying in the grass lazily. A whole different vibe than the ever so restless city centre of Sydney. This is by far my favourite part of Brisbane city!

Later on; we met up with Mathieu, a friend from Belgium who studies at EF Brisbane, and his friends Joop and Andreas. They took us to one of their favourite go-to restaurants where we exchanged stories and experiences. A really lovely evening!

On Saturday, we travelled to Surfer’s Paradise, the most well-known city of the Gold Coast, to have a little beach day. The weather was perfect, the waves unfortunately not really. Tanning it is! Luckily, and surprisingly, none of us got sunburnt.

Back home;  we made a big salad, toasted some bagels and opened a bottle of wine, enjoying the starry evening sky. If that makes us sound all grown-up, don’t worry: we’re still a bunch of kids that indulge on chips and chocolate after having a fancy dinner party. Later that evening, we met up with the guys from last night again to end up bowling. I used to absolutely hate bowling when I was younger, because I was terrible at it. Being the perfectionist that I was (and still am sometimes), I just very much disliked having to do something I wasn’t good at. But now, and that may come as much as a surprise to you than it came to me, I didn’t care at all. Not even a single bit. I was just having heaps of fun being around friends, and that’s really all that mattered at that exact moment. How happier I felt being able to laugh at my bowling « skills » instead of being unconscious about it! Who knew a simple bowling session would make me realise so much?

As Brisbane is rather small compared to Sydney, we had already seen pretty much everything about it by Sunday morning. So, we just chilled at the  Brisbane South Bank pools for a while. During lunch, I wanted to be all healthy and ordered an arugala salad instead of pasta. I ended up paying $15 for a plate of arugala with a teenie bit of balsamic glaze and a few tiny chunks of parmesan. I was even hungrier when I finished than when I had ordered! Life lesson learned: always order pasta. Wherever and whenever you can. At all costs. Appreciate the pasta. Luckily, I did have enough of an appetite to grab an açai smoothie at Kiss the Berry before we went to the Kangaroo Point Cliffs, a famous Brisbane scenic look-out. A little dissapointing – I think it’d look better at night – but nice either way! Afterwards, we wanted to end our stay by having a few drinks somewhere in the city centre, but we had to hide from the sudden rain once we made it to Queen Street. Girls being girls, we walked in Love Stories, a lingerie store related to my all time favourite brand Maison Scotch. Nothing wrong with buying an early Christmas present for yourself! Our flight back to Sydney treated us to some wonderful views of the nightly sky!

Monday evening, we went out for dinner and drinks in Newtown to celebrate Jana’s birthday. I can only imagine how weird yet special it must be to celebrate your birthday abroad!

On Tuesday, I went straight to Maroubra after school to go out surfing. The surf wasn’t all that good, so I was jumping over and diving under waves most of the time and only caught a few, short waves of my own. But, hey, at least the ocean always finds a way to make me happy!

On Wednesday, we decided there wasn’t any better way to contribute to the Christmas spirty than donating blood. My teached had told me about the Australian Red Cross Blood Donation centre a few weeks ago and it felt as if it was the perfect time to do it now! No one of us had ever done it back home, so we figured it was about time to finally do so. So, two of my friends and I headed to the bloodbank straight after school. The nurses who worked there found it rather amusing to see a group of international students coming straight from class to donate blood. All-in all, everything went very smoothly. We did feel a littly dizzy and empty afterwards, but we were really happy we went through with it. I’m definitely going to do this more often!

On Friday, we went out for drinks with my teacher and classmates. It was our last class together before the holidays and because he goes travelling, he wasn’t going to be able to see some of us as a few graduate before he comes back - including me, unfortunately! Now that our Christmas break has started, a lot of my friends go travelling or have their family coming over. You could sense how a lot of us were excited for the holidays, although we do have to agree that our life is somehow a permanent holiday right now. Nevertheless, it’s going to be weird not to see them 24/7 anymore for a few weeks! But I wasn’t complaining, because I was heading for the airport myself. This time I’d be waiting at the arrivals instead of the departures – the day had finally arrived for me to welcome my dear parents and sister into my home away from home! Finally reunited!

On Saturday, I helped them fight the jetlag by showing them all the highlights of the Sydney centre: from Hyde Park to St. Mary’s Cathedral, Town Hall, Queen Victoria Building, Darling Harbour, Central Park, Circular Quay, the Opera House, the Harbour Bridge and the historic Rocks. Not too bad, huh? It feels really cool to be able to show them around a city I’ve been living in for quite some time and to be a little bit of a guide. I really hope they’ll be able to fall in love with it as much as I did!

In the evening, we were invited by a long-time friend and previous co-worker of my dad to enjoy their annual Christmas Eve dinner with their friends. A truly joyful evening! It was fun to see how the Christmas traditions are celebrated here and we met a lot of very lovely people. It was totally different than celebrating it back home, but what matters is that we felt more than welcome and appreciated. After all, that’s what Christmas is all about!

On Sunday, Christmas Day, we went to Bondi Beach for a relaxing  beach day. Who thought we would ever be spending Christmas on one of the most famous beaches in the whole wide world? As cliché as it sounds, it may be the best gift I’ve ever got. Merry Christmas, everybody!

This Monday, on Boxing Day, we fled the busy city to enjoy the nature of the Blue Mountains. I was as impressed by its beauty as I was the first time I went there, and it made me realise even more how time really flies by! We didn’t hike for that long, because we had also planned to visit the Featherdale Wildlife Park. It was my first time there as well, so I was excited to see all those crazy native animals. I seriously can’t believe how cute koala’s are!            

By the end of the day, all four of us were so tired. During dinner, my parents and sister were talking about how they don’t really know how they’d describe Sydney; or if they love it as much as everybody else seems to do. I could totally understand where they came from – it took me a little bit of time as well to fall in love with it. Because it’s only when you’ve got the chance to discover all its parts that you start to appreciate this city its preciousness!

On Tuesday, we enjoyed a rest day! We went to Balmoral Beach, a really lovely harbour beach in Mosman. Because of it’s quiet and shallow waters, it’s a little bit of a children’s paradise. Luckily we found a calm spot near some trees, so we had a very nice time. Even for me, although I’ve been looking at Sydney as a place where I simply live in, this felt like being on a holiday!        

On Wednesday, we travelled further up the north coast to Narrabeen beach, a stunning beach with reddish-orange sands and far too rough waters for me to surf on - too bad I had carried my board with me the whole bus ride.  

As it was getting a little bit too hot over there, we hurried for some shade at the Narrabeen Lagoon, where we picnicked on the grass and enjoyed the stunning lagoon. Feeling sporty, my mom and I decided to go stand-up paddle-boarding around the lake. A sense of calmness washed over me as I was quietly gliding over the lake, with nothing but the sound of birds and water surrounding me. Oh, and the sound of my mom occasionally falling into the lake. Luckily, she found it funny! I feel so happy when I see my family having such a great time! 

By the end of the day, all four of us were feeling so completely relaxed. I was getting dressed to head back to the city and I quite stupidly sat on the back of my board. Little did I know that my fins were facing the grass... The minute I sat on my board, I heard the biggest crack of my life. I hurried over to take my board out of my bag, hoping there wouldn’t be a crack in the board itself. ‘Luckily’, it were just my fins that cracked over. Nothing to major, but it did gut me out completely.  In the evening, my parents went out for a fancy dinner with friends. Laurine and I went out for sushi together for some cosy sister-sister time! On Thursday, we had planned to go hiking in the Royal National Park, but the temperature rose up to almost 40°C that day. We decided to take it easy and wander around the city; sipping morning coffee at the Opera Bar, strolling around the Royal Botanical Garden and cooling off at the State Library of New South Wales.

We enjoyed a nice, quick lunch somewhere in the small streets of The Rocks before literally running away from the heat and relax at our apartment’s pool.

In the evening, we wanted to go have the dinner at the trendy Greek restaurant Appollo, but it was so packed we weren’t able to get in. Instead, we stranded at the Gazebo. We weren’t complaining at all - we enjoyed a truly great French-style dinner on a quiet terrace decorated with lights and exotic plants! 

On Friday, we woke up a little earlier as we were going on a road-trip down south all the way to Jervis Bay, a colourful beach town home to some of New South Wales’ most exquisite beaches. Dad was feeling a little nervous when we started our trip, because he wasn’t used to driving on the right-hand side of a car. And so, when he took a way too sharp left-turn, the side of the car hit the boardwalk and the left front-tire popped. We weren’t even driving for a full 15 minutes yet! All in all, we managed to stay calm and we were lucky enough to have a replacement car in little over an hour. Back on the road! 

In the afternoon, we had booked a boat trip around the several reefs around Jervis Bay to spot some dolphins. And we did!

After the tour, we took our time to buy some colourful Turkish hanmam towels in a local shop. The shop-owner was over the moon when he heard we were from Belgium, as he had recently watched The Broken Circle Breakdown. He gave us a discount on the towels and offered me a beautiful golden ring shaped into a gentle wave. I think this may be my best souvenir so far! In the late afternoon, we enjoyed the golden hour on Huskisson Beach and sought some refreshment in the water before snapping some pictures together. Laurine and I even took the time to recreate one of our favourite photographs of us!

In the evening, we drove back to Sydney with a quick food stop at Wollongong. We ended up having one of the nicest dinners ever, enjoying great food while overlooking the Wollongong harbour. For me, it felt as if we were back in Geneva!

On Saturday morning, New Year’s Eve day, we enjoyed a nice breakfast at the famous Bills restaurant before taking the popular ferry ride to Manly. We chilled on the beach and I enjoyed a rather difficult surfing session before we headed back to the city to get ready for the New Year’s Eve of our dreams!

And boy, what a New Year’s it was! We had reserved seat in the Royal Botanical Garden, directly in front of the Opera House and Harbour Bridge. We enjoyed a really nice dinner with my dad’s friend/ex co-worker and his lovely wife, anxiously waiting for what ended up being the most beautiful set of fireworks we had ever seen. Oh, Sydney, you truly are magical. I can’t express how utterly grateful I am to have spent a major part of 2016 here in Sydney. I’m not going to bore you with a “new year, new me” cliché kind of talk, so I’ll leave it to this: Happy New Year everyone! Cheers to a warm, loving and adventurous 2017.

The staying up really late and the drinking a glass or two too much had completely shaken us up a bit. So, we pretty much spent the first day of the New Year catching up on some much needed rest. Hey, you can’t have it all, can you? I, for instance, was more than happy to have the time to reflect on the past week with my family. I hadn’t expected it to be so overwhelming! Having to adapt all over again, realising I had time within arms-reach again and realising what I had been missing all that time. But mostly, being around that familiarity made me realise how much I’ve changed already!  In the evening, we went out for drinks at the cosy bar/restaurant The Winery to have a drink on the new year before going out for dinner at an Italian place near Elizabeth Bay.  Cheers, everyone!

On Monday, we drove to Hunter Valley, the famous wine region of New South Wales. The valleys are absolutely stunning: rows and rows of hilly vineyards, accompanied by lakes and lush bushes!  We did some wine tasting, which was quite a funny sight to see. Let’s say wine tasting isn’t one of my best skills - yet.  Unfortunately, I had woken up feeling really, really sick. My stomach was bloated, I had zero appetite and my head was pounding. Was it because of the excess of garlic in my pasta last night, or did the restaurant accidentally forget to serve me gluten free paste instead? Hopefully it’s going to blow over soon!

On Tuesday, we drove to Bundeena to start a part of the coastal hike around the ever so magnificent Royal National Park. We hiked up to the Wedding Cake Rock, where we had a little bit of an issue with some ignorant tourists that still jumped over the fenced Rock to snap an ‘Instagram-worthy’ picture even though all the signs clearly restrict it. It’s inevitable that the Rock will end up crumbling completely into the ocean and the constant stream of, excuse my French, complete idiotic people disrespecting the nature and risking their own lives over a couple of likes on social media isn’t doing the situation any good at all. I just wish more people had their priorities in order.  We continued our hike down to the stunning Marley Beach, where we enjoyed a picnic before the weather changed completely. As I was still feeling slightly miserable, we decided to hike back in the now drizzling rain. It made the Royal National Park look even more mystic than it already does! 

By the evening, I looked about 2 months pregnant. My stomach had never felt that sensitive and hard. My head kept pounding and my stomach felt completely disoriented. It had become more than obvious that I did have gluten, because all the symptoms were more than clear. So frustrating, because there is literally nothing I can do about it beside drinking tea, water and eating as normal as I possibly could at that moment.  Not gonna lie, I’m glad I’m feeling this sick with my parents and sister still around. There’s something about feeling bad that turns you into an emotional, cuddling little girl! On Wednesday, we drove up to Bilgola Beach to spend the last full day together with the four of us at the beach. We tanned on the beach, swam in the impressive natural pool and walked around the hot sand avoiding the stranded bottlenose jellyfishes. Come late afternoon, we enjoyed a nice lunch overlooking the ocean. The only thing my stomach can cope with right now, is toast with marmalade and chamomile tea, which isn’t all too bad either. At least, only if I selectively ignore my sister’s yummy burger and dad’s ricotta pancakes. Those damn gluten-eating people. 

In the evening, I took them to my all time favourite restaurant in the city, Bodhi In The Park. Nibbling on dim sums, spring rolls and papadums; it all hit us how quickly these past two weeks went by. It felt like yesterday that I was able to hold them in my arms again for the first time in 3 and a half months! 

The next morning, we enjoyed a last breakfast at Bills together before my dad already had to leave for the airport to go to the States. Yes, I was back at it again with the toast and marmalade. I was already feeling better thanks to the medication I had been taking, but this time my lost for appetite could be blamed on the fact that I simply wasn’t able to fathom what it was going to be without the three of them around me. 

In the afternoon; my mom, sister and I did some last-minute shopping in the city before meeting up for lunch with my roommate Froukje. It was comforting to know that I was going to be back by her side in room n°10 soon, even though I was absolutely not looking forward to go back to Park Lodge. It truly felt as if I had to start all over again; as if I was a complete stranger in a city that I couldn’t call my home anymore.

Nevertheless, feeling sad to see my family leave doesn’t overshadow the fact that I’m so overjoyed I got lucky enough to spend the holidays with them and to let them experience Sydney the way I did in the beginning and to discover new places I hadn’t been yet with them! 

Turning my heart into stone, I bid my mom and Laurine goodbye half an hour before their taxi was scheduled to pick them up. Luckily, coming back to Park Lodge wasn’t as bad as I had expected. It did feel really strange at first, but I overall had a really cosy evening with my friends as we caught up over cups of green tea and chocolate.  It’s now finally starting to sink in I’m officially going into my final 3 weeks in Australia. Saying that I’m having mixed feelings, would be an understatement. One part of me screams to fly back immediately, the other wishes I still had 4,5 months to go. I’m also starting to feel a bit anxious about beginning all over again in Rome soon, but I’ve learned to hush that thought so that it doesn’t hinder me here in Sydney. Although I’m looking forward to seeing everyone again soon, I’m so not looking forward to saying goodbye to everyone here.  Today, I granted myself a day of doing absolutely nothing at all. So; I’ve been reading Harry Potter, drinking tea and finally finishing my blogpost! Oh, and I had another piece of toast. Yes, with marmalade. Yes, I know, it really is getting ridiculously out of hand. 

I don’t know what the weekend is going to bring yet - yes, shocker, Marie isn’t much more of a planner anymore - but I’ll probably end up at the beach. Hard-knock life. Anyway, sending you all some warm summer kisses to fight the cold! 

With love,

Marie

[anghraine]

I got tagged by @brynnmclean​ in the first sentence meme! AKA: Do the first sentences of whatever fics you want, however many you want. Are there any patterns?

Decisions are hard, so I’ll just go with the top ten by kudos:

1. we get dark, only to shine 

Lucrezia twirled, laughing as her skirts unfurled around her, a blur of pink and white.

I remember that I started here—before the story really begins in Pesaro—mostly because I loved that image so much. I’m not terribly visual, so I definitely go with it when something’s that clear! And I did kind of like the idea of having this brief beautiful moment before it all goes to hell, where they’re very young and innocent despite everything.

(Of course, few canons are so profoundly visual as The Borgias.)

2. per ardua ad astra (AO3)

Jyn never forgot the moment when her mother’s body slumped to the ground.

This was one of the hardest to find a starting place for. I had my ridiculously detailed outline, but it started with Bodhi arriving, and actually positioning Jyn at the moment was just difficult. But I did want her to be in that place of loss compounded by loss, where she finally just refuses to relinquish people and to give up—that’s really what ad astra!Jyn is all about.

I also had only seen RO once, in the theatre, so I had to rely on memory for everything—it’s why there are some continuity breaks from the early chapters.

3. but thou didst not leave his soul in hell (AO3)

Palpatine had sensed Luke as a vague disturbance in the Force.

Again, a sort of positioning thing: this is Vader’s POV, not Palpatine’s, and there to contrast how he connects to Luke. Definitely a “lol fuck you” element there :P

4. Season of Courtship

Miss Lydia Bennet’s marriage to Mr Wickham had effectively ended a very promising source of gossip; and Miss Bennet’s engagement to Mr Bingley was hardly better.

I loved this beginning. It’s still probably one of my favourites—I wanted to start on the outside looking in, picking up with Darcy and Elizabeth after their engagement by starting in the minds of people gossiping about them. And starting with a snide omniscient narrator felt appropriate!

5. Ten Facts About Harry Potter

Professor McGonagall is Harry's favourite professor.

The fact is more detailed than that. :P 

This is actually for my Slytherin!Harry AU. I wanted to start in comfortable territory—and there are in-story reasons this is true. It basically splits off with McGonagall happening to really look at Harry’s address and sweeping off to investigate. Since that messes with the timeline, he meets different people and starts off with somewhat different attitudes, which ultimately affects the Sorting—but it all started with McGonagall going “no, this is Wrong” and he never forgets that.

6. Anomaly

Fitzwilliam Darcy was a man of principle and integrity, austere in his habits and discriminating in his tastes.

Heh, I think all of these begin with announcements of fact, but this one particularly so! It’s my grey-ace!Darcy fic, so again it’s starting with a familiar baseline in a scenario I knew people would be resistant to, before swerving into the “and that’s why he doesn’t realize” territory.

7. Contradictions and Varieties

On the third morning of their stay at Lambton, Elizabeth and her uncle and aunt set off for a walk through Lambton.

Probably the most like wgdots: the purpose is still signaling where we are in the story (...obviously), but with some approximation of action. I don’t think I do that much. It’s just setting up an encounter with Darcy in the store—I remember that this fic was written for a couple of specific challenges, so that’s why it’s a bit random as an AU.

8. Redemption (AO3)

He falls by stages to the Dark Side, from pride to fear to anger to hatred.

This is for my first and weirdest SW fic (I gleefully tossed out chunks of ROTJ/PT canon because ... uh, I felt like it). One of my very, very rare present tense fics—I read a lot of it, but personally I vaaaastly prefer past tense. 

Again, it’s sort of easing you into the fic. If I have any signature tics, that’s got to be #1. I didn’t have any wrangling to do, though. IIRC the fic itself sprang into my head with that line.

9. wandering inside this night (AO3)

Han resigned himself to the inevitable.

The Han POV was so fun for this one. I definitely dove right in, but I wanted it to be a bit ????? wrt what the hell was going on. Since that’s definitely how he feels, haha. And I wanted a kind of sullen, pseudo-pragmatic grumpiness right off the bat.

10. First Impressions

Henry Bennet and Charlotte Lucas had been inseparable companions as children, and at twenty-five and twenty-seven respectively, were as near friends as two young, unmarried people could be.

This was another one that I struggled with starting (and it also had a detailed outline!). I definitely didn’t want to conceal anything here, but to make it very clear that it was ... you know, m!Elizabeth/f!Darcy retelling of P&P. And I was genuinely very interested in the idea of this platonic friendship between Hal and Charlotte; I meant to do more with it and had ideas for the resolution that just never panned out (since I wrote the last few chapters in a rush to the deadline). So starting with them was probably a bit deceptive in the long run, but it gave me a sort of launching pad.

So: none begin with dialogue, none begin with action beyond walking/twirling, and most begin with a simple assertion about the characters and jump into their heads. I’m not really the in media res type (except in the irritatingly pedantic sense that all things are); I like to begin with beginnings.

tagging: @steinbecks, @kaoriva, @irresistible-revolution, @him-e, @fialleril, @kareenvorbarra, @manicpixiedreamwyn, @yavieriel, @sqbr