#min: has adhd

[sclepurpose]

@stolencrownsofplenty / "If you're gonna keep working, do you at least want some coffee?" ((this is coming from a lamb god who does not sleep at all and is probably making this fish's sleep habits worse))

for muses who don't understand the meaning of the phrase ' take a break ' … sentence starters

" IT'S PROBABLY FOR the better if I don't have any -- coffee makes me SLEEPY. No clue why, it just does. I appreciate the offer though, thank you. " He waved a dismissive hand, going back to his previous mopping. This fish has not slept in days, someone make him sleep-

[ruegarding]

we do not have five entire books full of percy's philosophical thoughts for rick to pull this shit. if annabeth was in character, she would be looking at this architecture and consider what she'd do different (and since she's redesigning olympus, she'd maybe also consider if she'd use any designs there). her fatal flaw is hubris and it should be a staple characteristic of hers.

[yangjeongin]

[overcaffeinated-aro]

hey this is gonna sound weird but whats yr thoughts on correcting behaviors without yelling

ok so like. full disclosure I got like 4 hours of sleep and then spent my afternoon in an emergency dentist appt so I really hope I can make this make sense. I also have a lot of thoughts so I apologize if this one gets away from me

(also for context, this is about a post on children misbehaving or causing distractions in public, and parents causing an even bigger scene trying to correct their behavior. it should be the post immediately after this on my blog)

it got away from me, adding a cut

also just to start, there’s obv a difference between raising your voice to be heard/get attention, and screaming at a child who’s already in front of you while in public. there’s also a lot of space between the two. and I really don’t think there’s a lot of justification for most of it beyond strictly getting a child’s attention.

yelling or screaming at your child, especially in public, isn’t that much better than hitting them. it depends a bit on the age, but what’s getting communicated to the child in that moment is a lot less of what you’re actually saying when you yell and mostly just the intense feelings of fear and disempowerment that come with being cornered and punished, and in some cases publicly ridiculed. hell, you don’t even need to yell to do this. and depending on the parent, this may or may not be intentional, using humiliation as a method of trying to reinforce some kind of ‘lesson’ or discourage a behavior.

it was, in fact, a pillar of my mom’s parenting for many years. I know first-hand how much it can wreak a child’s self esteem, and can make them fearful of further violence from you, even without any other precedent. I started to have nightmares about being hit or kicked out, even knowing that my mom would never go that far, and even years after she stopped. She pretty effectively proved to me that at least in those moments I was beneath her, I didn’t deserve to be treated with dignity in front of others (especially in front of others, as she never yelled at me in private) including in front of family and my friends. it broke a lot of trust that I should have been able to have with her, and even now at 25 and having been moved out for 4 years there’s a lot of trust we have to rebuild in order to have a functional adult parent/child relationship.

this will not be the case for every child, but as an example: I was most frequently yelled at in public for austistic behaviors that I couldn’t or didn’t know how to control. what I needed was help, to be taught coping mechanisms, quieter or alternative ways to stim, and emotional regulation. being yelled at made me quiet, fearful, and full of shame. it appeared to fix the issue, but really only locked it away with my ability to feel and process emotions. but ofc your mileage may vary, everyone responds to trauma differently.

a lot of parents yell because they’re overwhelmed. my mom yelled because she has adhd, my behaviors were overstimulating, being in public/socializing was overstimulating, and she didn’t know how to cope. in fact once I grew up I taught her what adhd actually looks like, and helped her find resources that have greatly improved her life. This Is Still Not a Good Excuse. shit happens, parents have problems, but losing your cool at your child is not excusable. forcing your child to grow up fast enough to teach *you* emotional regulation is Not Good. as a parent, it is your job to be in a place where you can consistently and effectively be The Parent. if you aren’t there, it’s your job to recognize that and work on it!

finally, for the point that you were probably asking for: what can you do instead of yelling? what if your child won’t stop?

honestly, a parenting book will probably be a better help than I. I’ve taken 1 college course on developmental psychology and some scattered research over the years so I’m by no means an expert, or really even a hobbiest. but for what it’s worth, here’s my 2 cents:

work on yourself, especially especially emotional regulation. never take your frustration out on your child. 9/10 times your child is not trying to upset you. literally why would they do that, they depend on you for everything. even in cases when you child is trying to upset you or push back, it’s not really about You. they might need help with something, or not know how to communicate or deal with a problem. as a parent, it is in fact your job to be the bigger person.

once you have a child’s attention, anything you can communicate by yelling you can also communicate in a normal tone. for older children, it will probably be more effective to intervene just enough to stop the behavior, and then discuss the issue in private later. it’s important to be focused on solutions and what could be done better next time, not on punishments. there’s so much research showing that punishment and negative reinforcement doesn’t work.

I haven done an excessive amount of research, but from what I’ve seen so far I really like the ideas behind the Montessori method. it really strives to treat children as full individual people, and meet them where they’re at developmentally while doing it’s best to ask age-appropriate consent for everything applicable. Jessica out of the closet on youtube has some great videos on how she and her wife have been putting the method into practice with their own child, and even going into her own struggles and solutions with parenting while multiply disabled—and still refusing to compromise on the way she treats her child

and while I have this soapbox: parenting is not for everyone!! some people should not be parents, or teachers, or otherwise in a position of power over children. it’s a hard job. and, it really shouldn’t be done alone. even the most patient person will have trouble keeping their cool 24/7. it’s important to take breaks, and find ways to lean on the people or community in your lives. And, if you’re a community member who interacts with children, it’s still important to learn these skills! with any luck you’ll simply be another kind and trustworthy adult in a child’s life. but for some you may be a lifeline

[faaun]

man the perpetual all nighters have been doing wonders for my skin

[spicyrottingbrains]

Everytime i berate myself for not getting shit done because yknow executive dysfunction is out to ruin my existence I hear my therapist saying 'well you're doing life without meds and you need to give yourself some grace.' And I wish I could believe her because as much as i rationally know that and even though I am barely functioning i am still able to get by with pretty good results in most aspects which is a miracle, my brain just sticks to the berating me bit. And it's just honestly very exhausting to live like this.

[silencedmoths]

haven't even reached 100 gifs of this movie yet..........

[rowanhoney]

Took me god knows how long but I contacted a therapist 🫶🫶🫶

[butchlifeguard]

i was against generative ai yesterday but my morals are very loose.

[kirishwima]

my dad: you got a few screws loose in your head. Just like me!

me: dad. dad that's not loose screws that's literally the adhd ive been begging you to go get diagnosed for

[thevikingwoman]

.

[wolkewatcher]

i promise u i was 100% enjoying our conversation but then i literally just forgot abt it n thts why i havent responded yet 😭😭😭

[ruegarding]

compilation of every mention of adhd and/or dyslexia within hoo.

highlight key: yellow-adhd; blue-dyslexia; green-general statements; pink-frank (here is a link to a bonus w frank's dyspraxia coding).

the lost hero (5):

tlh bonus! leo's powers accentuating his emotional dysregulation (1):

the son of neptune (7):

son bonus! percy's adhd symptoms (auditory/sensory processing disorder) affecting how ppl perceive his intelligence (1):

mark of athena (4):

house of hades (1):

hoh bonus! annabeth's rejection sensitive dysphoria (rsd) (1):

blood of olympus (1):

total: 18 (+3 bonus)

[indigo6f00ff]

funny update a couple of months later for People Who Want to Know: i dont have the car that got me into this Incredibly Minor Accident anymore. while after the accident, i did have to get the brakes serviced (wow, they were faulty, who knew!), it proceeded to have Several More Issues, such as: the transmission being fucked up and Trouble With Turns. i still drove it regardless because i needed that shit to get to college but eventually the radiator fan stopped working on it (where it would start overheating if the car wasn't moving (if the car was moving then air could still blow over the engine, cooling it down)) and My Mother deemed it too dangerous to drive. RIP to the shitty 2012 jeep liberty hand-me-down with 200k miles that led to the creation of the Kim Moment(TM).

need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago

(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)

[arodrwho]

shoutout 2 the psych i met with today, one of the only medical professionals ive ever interacted with who seemed to actually remember what my intake paperwork said

he remembered what meds im already taking, remembered why i am taking them, and remembered that i am adopted and do not have any family medical history to offer

incredible, honestly

[bumblebeepixie]