#million dollar bacon

[lust4wonder]

Million Dollar Bacon from First Watch

[artbyfuji]

Rise & Shine ☀️☕

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Meet the Family 5

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your boss needs a last-minute favour for the holidays.(petite!reader)

Characters: Lloyd Hansen

Note: Today is my friday bc I booked time off to go see my grammy!

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

You don’t dare enter the suite again until you hear snoring. You’re cautious as you move around in the low rhythm of Lloyd’s slumber. It begins to dawn on you slowly what you’ve agreed to. You’re used to controlled doses of him. You go to work, do his bidding, then clock out. There might be a few late nights but this is too much. 

One million dollars. You repeat it to yourself like a mantra. With that money you can but your way free of this man once and for all. Hell, you might go back to school so you can be an insufferable boss one day. That might actually make your mother proud. 

You shut yourself in the bathroom and try to wake yourself with a shower. It’s nice but your fatigue is even more obvious as you emerge. Your coffee sits cold and forgotten next to scraps of bacon and an empty cup. 

You go back down to the dining hall and sit to enjoy your coffee without the threat of another awkward moment. You rub your forehead as you lean your elbow on the table and sip. Not bad for hotel brand. 

You return to the room and knock before you let yourself in. You hear stirring in the bed as you do but nothing as lewd as last time. Lloyd groans and whimpers. 

“My head,” he moans. 

“It’s almost ten,” you say. “What time is this brunch at?” 

He whines again and drags a pillow over his head. You open your carry-on and pull out your travel tube of pain killers. You cross to him and grab his hand, shoving the capsules into his palm. 

“Get up,” you say, “what time?” 

He clasps onto your fist and rips the pillow off. He tugs on you as he sits up. His eyes are blood shot and his forehead creased with agony. You want to laugh in his face. Serves him right. 

“Twelve,” he pouts. 

You wrench your hand free and go to the mini fridge. You grab him a bottle of water and toss it onto his lap. He catches it with a flinch. 

“Woah, watch the gems,” he warns. 

“I gotta go get my luggage. Find something appropriate,” you look down at the grey sweatshirt and leggings meant for the flight home. “Get yourself together.” 

You turn and grab your jacket. You’re really not looking forward to this. You agreed to it, though, and you won’t be Lloyd. You’re not going to gripe about a decision you made. One million, one million, one million... 

You go out to your car and grab your bag. You haul it back up and after another cautious tap on the door, you push your way into the room. The bathroom door is open as the shower thrums and Lloyd’s groans underline the hum. You shut it and prop your bag up on the chair. 

You pick out the cashmere cream blouse with the twisted neckline and a pair of soft beige wool trousers. Presentable but not high effort. These people are not going to stress, not any more than he already has. 

You change and search your toiletry bag. You use the wall mirror to get ready as you hear the shower crank off. Lloyd’s clumsy steps slap the tile and he crashes into the door from the inside. You make no effort to check on his as you blend in your blush. 

“Urghhhhh,” he appears like a yeti from a snow drift, staggering with his head nearly beneath his shoulders. “I feel like a sorority girl after rush week.” 

“That’s gross,” you reprimand as you put the blush stick away. “I think maybe this is a good lesson. Take it easy on the mimosas at brunch, huh?” 

“Hair of the dog,” he insists as he clutches the top of the towel and stumbles to the bed. “You wanna get out my Gucci suit. You can iron the jacket--” 

“Excuse me?” You turn. 

“Please, my beloved,” he whines. 

“N. O.” You say. 

“I’m paying you--” 

“That wasn’t what we discussed.” 

“Wives iron suits,” he retorts. 

“In 1952.” You bounce back. “Lloyd. This is business. We sell this thing to your family so you can get your money, and I can get mine, and that’s that. This is a shell. Okay?” 

“Hmph,” he grunts. He sucks his teeth as he thinks and you turn back to the mirror. You see his reflection. You don’t like that twinkle in his eyes. “Well, if we really want to sell this thing, we gotta make it seem natural.” He stands up and wobbles as he braces his forehead. He takes a breath and lumbers towards you, “you gotta act like you’re into me.” 

He brings his hand down and squeezes your ass. It’s more painful than you expect. You’re reminded of that unceremonious pinch issued by another of his bloodline. 

You spin to face him and slap his hand down, “ow. Don’t do that.” 

“Like I said, you’re not going to be engaged to guy you can’t stand. Okay? So you gotta get into it,” he reaches around you with both arms and cups your ass, pulling you flush to him. You drop your mascara and smack his upper stomach. 

“Lloyd,” you growl. 

“Put a little honey in it,” he kneads your ass as you squirm. 

“Let go--” 

“You know I’m right,” he wiggles his hips and the towel slips off. 

“Oh, god!” You push on him harder. 

“Mm, you know, I never realised how tiny you are. I could just...” He bends his knees as he slides one hand down your thigh and the other up your back. He angles to scoop you up. You squeal in surprise. “Ah, easy as pie. Just like me, Pixie stick. 

“Lloyd, put me down,” you writhe in his grasp. “This isn’t okay!” 

“Should we consummate now--” 

“Ew, oh, no.” 

“Ew?” He echoes. “What’s ew about it? I’m rich, I’m attractive--” He pauses as he turns and tosses you toward the bed. You land in a heap with a yelp. “And I’m strong.” 

You don’t have a chance to recover before he’s on top of you. He catches your hands before you can swipe at his face and he pins them above your head. He straddles you, shamelessly naked, and snickers. 

“Trust me, my thrust game is on point,” he rolls his hips and you close your eyes. 

“Lloyd, off. Now.” 

“I’m tryna get off, Pixie, trust,” he leans over you until you feel his breath. “We could have lots of fun. After three years of tension, you know it’s inevitable.” 

“Tension?” You hiss, “oh, I don’t think it’s the kind you think.” 

“You’re stressed. I’m offering you relief. A little extra bang for your buck, here.” 

“No,” you grit out between your teeth, twisting your wrists in his grip and you kick your legs. You don’t like the way it makes the whole bed jostle. “Just get off of me. Please.” 

“I’m trying to get in you,” he snarls. 

Your eyes snap open as his nose comes down next to yours. He leers down at you as his irises no longer sparkle. His features are sinister as he puffs down at you like a wild beast. Your heart jumps into your throat. He’s no longer just a nuisance, he’s a danger. 

You open and close your fingers, “we’ll be late if you don’t.” 

He stares down at you. You feel him breathing, shallow and rabid, as your own heartbeat thumps in your chest. He doesn’t have to stop and there’s really nothing you can do to make him. 

“Mom’s already mad at me,” he grumbles and pushes himself up. He slowly drags himself off and turns his back to you. You watch the muscles tauten and bring yourself up on your elbows. 

“I’ll iron your suit,” you relent. “Just put some underwear one.” 

He scoffs as you carefully roll away from him. You move as if any sudden motion might antagonize him. He gets up and grabs his phone from the night stand. He huffs as he lights up the screen. 

“This licks ass,” he growls. 

You go to his suitcase and open it. You search out the label with the G on it and hold up the red blazer. “Is this the one?” 

He looks at you as he chews his cheek. He nods and quickly goes back to his phone, tapping on it with his thumb. You roll your eyes and find a pair of black slacks to match. You take it all out and unfold the ironing board from the wall. 

You nearly wince as he approaches. He passes you and goes to his bag, bending to sift through it. “You know, I usually like to hang free.” He rips something from the suitcase, “but for you, I’ll tie the hog down.” He stands and steps into the briefs one leg at a time. He snaps the band and puts his hands on his hips. “Happy?” 

“Not really,” you mutter. 

“Yeah, me neither,” he sighs. 

❄️

In the daylight, the Hansen’s mansion appears even more pristine. As you come up the long walk with the elaborate set stone, Lloyd neatens his mustache with a small mother of pearl comb. You give him a side glance but say nothing. He hasn’t stopped fidgeting since you got in the car. 

You get to the front door and prepare yourself for another encounter with the worst people you’ve met. For all your time working for the man next to you, you should be perfectly honed for the task. Still, you’re not sure you can be ready for that bunch. 

Lloyd lets himself in and you follow. As you unzip your booties, he clears his throat. “Hey, mom, we’re here.” 

He receives no answer but you can hear the din humming from another room. He takes off his jacket and hangs it. You put yours next to his. His cheek ticks with dread and he forces his chin up. 

You follow him to the dining room and as he enters, he receives no welcome. A few stray looks are aimed at you but no one acknowledges your arrival. Lloyd clears his throat and sits. You claim the seat next to him and peer around. How jolly of a holiday. 

As your boss shifts beside you, you hold back a yawn. You haven’t got enough sleep for this nonsense. Lloyd sits forward and reaches for the jug of orange juice. Another hand reaches out to catch the crystal decanter. 

“Let us get the formalities out of the way, son,” William snarls. “You owe your mother an apology.” 

Lloyd rescinds his reach and flinches, “an apology?” 

“Yes, you humiliated her last night, storming off like that.” 

Lloyd blinks, as genuinely confused as you’ve ever seen him. His throat bobs and his eyes brows arch, “Mom,” he looks at Gwenyth as she puts her posture as straight as she can. “I’m sorry.” 

“Are you? And what about this one? I’d say she started all this trouble,” she accuses as she points at you with a red acrylic. 

You nearly scoff. Instead, you match her energy. “I have nothing to apologise for.” 

“Pixie,” Lloyd hisses. 

“No, why should I apologise? Tell me exactly what I did and I’ll let you know if I’m sorry.” 

“Pix, what are you doing?” Lloyd murmurs. 

“Well, you...” Gwenyth begins. “You said—You--” 

“You accused me of being out for money. I’m not. You insulted him,” you gesture carelessly to Lloyd, “repeatedly. So, I’m not entirely sure what I did that offended you so much. I’ve been pleasant but it doesn’t mean you can walk all over me.” 

“You are defiant,” she yaps shrilly. 

“I’m being honest. And to apologise wouldn’t be honest,” you shrug. “Now, if you would rather we leave, I’m more than happy to pack up. Obviously, I can’t meet your high standards.” 

“Pixie,” Lloyd whispers. 

The table is silent as you stare across it. You feel the fire burning under your skin. You’re not sure where that came from. Maybe it’s because none of this really matters. You don’t need to impress them. You just need to get that courthouse contract signed and you can be on your merry way. This is all just pretense. 

“Hm,” William pushes the jug toward Lloyd, “you hold onto that one. She’s clever.” 

“William,” Gwenyth yowls and swats her husband’s arm. 

“She has a point,” he says. 

“But--” 

“Suppose we are a bit hard on the boy,” he argues. 

“Or maybe he’s just a disappointment,” Lillian preens. “Daddy, please. He waited forty-three years to meet expectations.” 

“Better late than never,” Benson snorts. “I’d prefer never.” 

There’s a bit of laughter, though Gwenyth and Lillian continue to glare across at you. You would be intimidated if you were concerned about their opinions. But they are nothing compared to your grandmother’s eternal glower or your mother’s grim sighs. You might be better prepared for this than you thought. 

“Exactly what she said,” Lloyd swipes up the jug and stops himself, reaching for your glass instead of his. He fills it and presents it to you with a smirk. “We didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“All this waiting and for what,” Gwenyth fans herself and sniffles. “And he chooses this prissy little--” 

“Gwen,” William warns curtly. “Please, do not spoil another meal.” 

“Me? Spoil? I never.” She whines. 

“Hm, yes, we will not mention Easter then,” William tuts. “Let us just enjoy today. After all, I’m sure she could be at home with her own family.” 

You could and you would rather be. Yet, that is one thing you can blame on Lloyd. The more you think of it, you can blame every single snipe and jab on him. After all, he snared you into this. You might have been easily bought but that doesn’t excuse his machinations. 

You look at him with no effort to conceal the revelation. He meets your eye and his brows twitch. He bares his teeth sheepishly. Your eyes narrow as you center every ounce of exhaustion, chagrin, and general distaste in his direction.  

“You okay, honey pie?” He asks softly. 

You reach for your glass and examine it, “is there prosecco in this? If not, could I request some?” You turn back to the table. You hear Lloyd gulp and feel him shift before he reaches to touch your arm. It’s your turn to indulge. 

[lewmagoo]

million dollar man | rhett abbott

description: in which a mysterious, silver-haired cowboy rescues a young waitress who’s down on her luck

listen to the spotify playlist here!

warnings: 18+ ONLY, age gap (rhett is in his mid 40s, reader is in their 20s), mentions of sex work, workplace harassment, financial troubles, a little ageism, smoking, unprotected p in v sex, daddy kink, dom/sub dynamic, degradation, overstimulation, squirting, begging, choking, creampie, i think that's it?

pairing: rhett abbott x f!reader

notes: this is one of my longest stories to date. it started out as a simple smut scene and then it turned into an entire backstory. rhett has gray hair in this because i said so. i'm also dedicating this to my fellow old man fucker in arms, @rhettabbotts <3

It was late July. The air was hot and sticky, but the crystal water of the swimming pool was cool on your exposed skin as you sank down into its depths. 

You couldn’t help but let out a long, blissed-out sigh, your eyes drifting shut at the feeling of the ripples washing over you. You couldn’t remember a time in your entire life when you’d felt this relaxed and at ease. Not a care in the world, floating through the water as if you were suspended in a dream. 

And you were, really. A dream that had been made a reality by the man sitting just a few feet away from you, cigarette smoke swirling around him like a halo as the sunlight illuminated his figure, making him appear like an angel. And as far as you were concerned, he was just that: an angel. One who had saved your very life. 

Rhett Abbott was a very powerful man. You couldn’t fully wrap your mind around just how powerful he was. It was something he never discussed with you, insisting that he didn’t want his demons tainting you. 

While he had always been nothing but loving and kind to you, you had witnessed the ruthless side of him a few times, namely when he’d rescued you from your old life. 

Rhett had come rolling into town in his Silverado, just passing through, and he met you at the hole-in-the-wall diner you waitressed at. You’d never forget seeing him for the first time. Tall and broad, tan Stetson balanced atop his head. A pair of worn Levi’s with a white T-shirt on top. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. 

He took his hat off as he took a seat at the counter, revealing a head of graying hair that sent your heart quickening in your chest. Then he smiled at you. You shyly offered him a menu, but he shook his head. “I’ll jus’ have a black coffee, ‘n two eggs, over easy. Toast, bacon, whatever you put on your usual breakfast plates. Please and thank ya.”

His voice caught your attention. Deep and low in his throat, lilted with an accent you couldn’t quite place. But it was clear he was from out west, that much you could tell. 

“Of course! Anything else?” You asked as you scribbled his order down on your pad. 

He considered it for a moment and then he said, “Some jam for the toast, if it ain’t a bother.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his politeness, despite his rough exterior. His shining blue eyes were gentle as they regarded you, and you found yourself distracted by them. You’d never seen eyes so blue. They looked like the ocean. You’d never been, but you’d seen pictures of water that was so blue it was breathtaking. His eyes were even prettier than that. 

“C-comin’ right up,” you finally responded, realizing you were allowing your mind to wander. 

You turned and put your order in with the cook before you quickly moved to pour a cup of coffee. Everything was going just fine until you turned and miss-stepped, sending yourself careening forward. To your utter horror, the mug of coffee slipped from your hands and hit the counter, splashing all over the man, effectively staining his white shirt. 

You gasped sharply, steadying yourself before your hand shot up to cover your mouth. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! Are you alright?! Did it burn you?!” You were shifting into a panic, scrambling to grab a handful of bar towels you kept behind the counter. You rushed around, intending to help the man clean up the mess. 

You were so wrapped up in your panic that you didn’t realize that he wasn’t angry with you at all. You were simply so used to customers, and your manager, being rude to you that you just expected a hostile reaction. 

But just as you approached him, he slowly stood, and suddenly, a pair of steady hands were resting over top of your own. You looked up in surprise, only to find those crystal blues gazing steadily down at you. 

“Hey now, don’t fret none, it was just an accident,” he assured you, and the deep velvet of his voice calmed you instantly, bringing you back to yourself, renewing your focus. 

You stared at him in confusion. “I just spilled hot coffee on you, and you aren’t angry?”

He shook his head, gently taking the bar towels from you to dab at the stain himself. “Ain’t no use gettin’ angry over somethin’ you didn’t do on purpose. I got plenty more of these white shirts where this one came from. And I’ve had worse injuries than a measly little burn from some hot coffee. I’m fine. Promise.” 

You let out a sigh of relief, your tense shoulders falling relaxed. “Oh, thank goodness. I really am sorry, though. I’m so clumsy.”

He moved to wipe up the mess from the counter, completely unbothered by it. But he was bothered, however, by the implications of your response. “You have people get angry at you often?” He asked. 

You paused, considering your answer. “Well…some of the men that come in here aren’t very nice. Cranky truckers and whatnot. If you make a mistake they tend to get pissed and take it out on you. And my…” you glanced around to make sure no one was listening, “boss, he’s not the nicest guy out there. He says I’m too clumsy for my own good.”

Something flashed in those blue eyes. You swore they darkened a shade. “Huh. Well, they’re all fuckin’ assholes. You’re just doin’ your job.”

You were floored by his behavior. You’d expected him to insult you for your mistake, to call you some degrading name, like you’d been called so many times before. But instead, he’d offered you kindness and understanding. 

“Thank you,” you earnestly replied. 

He shrugged, taking a seat again on the stool he’d previously been perched upon. “‘s basic human decency to be nice to your fuckin’ waitress. ‘specially when she might have half a mind to spit in your food if you treat her like shit,” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. 

You couldn’t help but smile at that, finally turning to gather up the coffee-stained towels and rounding the counter again. As you tossed the towels in a bucket nearby so you could wash them later, the cowboy leaned forward, still eyeing you. 

“I’m Rhett, by the way,” he informed you. 

You shyly gave him your name in return. “It’s nice to meet you,” you said. 

“Likewise,” he echoed. His exterior seemed so rough. There was a tattoo of a steer skull inked into the skin of his left forearm. His face was fixed with hard lines, and although he still appeared youthful, you could tell he was older. Mid to late forties, if you had to guess. His eyes held untold stories, things he’d experienced that had turned him into the rough man he was today. But his exterior was misleading, because behind it, he was warm and kind. 

You didn’t know it then, but this was the start of something bigger than you ever could have imagined. This man, with his ocean-blue eyes and velvet voice, would soon become your knight in shining armor. 

Until then, the spell between you was quickly broken when you heard “Order up!” which caused you to jump in surprise. 

You giggled softly at your own jitteriness, and quickly turned to retrieve Rhett’s food from the serving window, thanking Anton, the cook, as you did so. “Here you go! Need anything else?”

“Just a coffee refill,” he replied with a knowing smile. 

“Oh! Of course! Sorry, I got so distracted!” You exclaimed in embarrassment as you hurried to pour him another cup of coffee, this time making sure not to spill it on him. 

“Thank y’ kindly,” Rhett said. 

“You’re welcome. Let me know if you need anything else!” 

You busied yourself with sorting clean coffee mugs back into their respective stacks, all while Rhett tucked into his food. You found yourself wanting to speak to him further, to ask him questions about himself, but you were afraid of being a bother, and you were afraid you were misreading his kindness as an invitation to talk to him. 

He’s just being nice, you thought. He doesn’t actually want to talk to me. 

Besides, your boss, Martin, was just in the back. If he saw you bothering a customer he’d flip his lid and use it as an excuse to yell at you. It didn’t take much to piss him off, and for whatever reason, he seemed to particularly have it out for you. The least he was involved, the better. 

Some might question why you kept this job if you were being mistreated by your boss. The fact of the matter was, you had no choice. You were desperately trying to keep up with your living expenses and rent to avoid being evicted from your home. You were severely behind on your utility bills, to the point where the city was going to start shutting things off if you didn’t pay up. 

You were living paycheck to paycheck, barely staying afloat. This waitressing job was the only one you could get in this tiny town, and you didn’t have the time or resources to go hunting for a better-paying job. This was your lot in life, and you were trying to make due. However, you weren’t sure how much longer you could go on. 

You tried your best to keep your head down and do your job, but with the way your boss behaved, and the way this town seemed to have it out for you, it was difficult. You seemed to have garnered a reputation, and you weren’t quite sure how it had started. You heard the way people talked about you when they thought you weren’t listening. Whispers of what you got up to after the sun went down. Accepting money from men in return for sexual acts. 

The truth was, you were not involved in sex work. The only thing you could think might have started the rumor was the fact that Luke Jones, the sheriff’s one and only deputy, had propositioned you for sex once, and when you turned him down, he went off the rails and berated you in front of the whole diner. He must have decided to spread rumors about you behind your back, which had done great harm to your image, and changed the way people treated you. If the cops said you were bad news, everyone believed them, 

You hated this tiny, conservative Christian town, but you were trapped with no escape. 

Rhett Abbott was the first person who’d been genuinely kind to you in a long time. There was no judgment in his eyes as he looked upon you. Not even after you’d embarrassed yourself and spilled his coffee. It made your heart warm in your chest, and you decided that maybe this work shift wasn’t so bad after all. 

Then he was asking you for a coffee refill and you were trying to hide your smile as you turned to grab the well-used coffee pot.

“Thanks,” he said with a nod and a crooked smile. It made your knees weak. 

But the spell between you was soon broken by the sound of your name being gruffly spoken. You jumped, nearly spilling the coffee you were still holding. Rhett watched you, his eyes narrowing as you scrambled to put the carafe back in its place and rush to the back. 

There was a man back there, and just by the time of his voice, Rhett could tell he was no good. He put two and two together and realized the man was your boss, who you’d already mentioned having a short fuse. 

Rhett was a lot of things. He’d committed acts he wasn’t proud of. He had many enemies. There were those who would pay money to see him dead. But one thing he was not, was an abuser. He didn’t mistreat people just for the hell of it. And just from interacting with you, and seeing the way you reacted when you spilled his coffee, he could tell you had suffered a lifetime of mistreatment. 

And that was when he found himself considering something he never thought he’d do. Maybe he was crazy. Maybe he’d been bashed in the head one too many times. Either way, he wondered if you would let him take you away from all of it. 

He wasn’t sure why he was so enamored by you. He’d only just met you, and if he offered to take you away right then and there, he was sure you would say no. So he didn’t say anything. But he decided that he was going to remain in this godforsaken town a few more nights, just to see how things played out. 

He hadn’t done much good in his life, but if he could rescue you from your unfortunate circumstances, maybe it would make up for all the years of sin and wickedness. Maybe he could do right by you. Give you the life you deserved, protect you from harm, give you freedom. 

Until then, he wouldn’t jump the gun. He would wait patiently, and swoop in when you needed him to. Although, now seemed like a pretty good time to do that. He could hear your boss shouting, and it sent heat boiling beneath his skin. 

But he resisted the urge to go back there and tear the man apart. He didn’t want to scare you, and such a reaction would be overkill, especially when he’d only known you all of forty-five minutes. 

A few minutes later, you came back to the front, very obviously trying to make it look like you hadn’t been crying. At that point, Rhett had finished his food, and when you saw it, you quietly spoke to him. 

“All ready to finish and pay?” You asked, avoiding eye contact. 

Rhett leaned forward over the counter, lowering his voice. “Shouldn't let ‘im treat you that way.”

You paused, a fresh wave of tears welling in your eyes. You managed to lift your gaze to his, your bottom lip quivering. “I have no choice. It’s either work this job, or end up on the street.”

I could take you away from all this. Those were the words on the top of his tongue. But he refrained. Now wasn’t the time. “Yeah, well, he’s a goddamned prick. Y’ deserve better.”

You stared at him for a moment, your heart aching in your chest. His kindness and understanding were unfathomable to you. Why on earth was he being so nice? And that’s when your brain threw a negative thought at you that made everything come to a screeching halt. What if he was only being kind because he wanted something? He didn’t seem like a creep, and he hadn’t made you feel uncomfortable in the slightest. But what if he was just good at hiding it?

“Why are you being so nice to me?” The words came out before you could stop yourself. 

Rhett leaned back in his seat, grabbing his Stetson before he rose to stand. “Because you look like you could use some kindness. And I don’t believe in mistreatin’ service workers just for the hell of it.”

He dug out his wallet and tossed a $100 bill onto the counter, which more than covered his measly $10 meal charge. Your eyes went wide, and you looked up at him just as he placed his hat on his head. “Keep the change. Buy yourself somethin’ nice.”

Then he was gone, leaving you flabbergasted in the middle of the diner. “Ninety fuckin’ dollars,” you whispered to yourself in amazement, referring to your tip. You snatched the bill off the counter and quickly rang it up, placing the money beneath the cash tray to be put in the safe later, and taking out $90 in cash for yourself. He told you to keep it, so that was what you were going to do. 

You thought that night would be the last time you ever saw Rhett Abbott. Thought that he appeared like one of those guardian angels you’d heard people talk about, just to give you a little help along the way, before disappearing into thin air.

But the very next night, he walked through the door of the diner again, and your heart began to race in your chest. He was real. Flesh and blood, standing right in front of you. 

He looked just as good as he had the previous night. Except this time, he’d ditched his coffee-stained white shirt in favor of a blue button down, tucked into his jeans with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows to show off his strong forearms, that steer tattoo still on display. 

He took his hat off and sat at the bar, and he gave you that crooked smile of his. It made your knees weak, and you set down the stack of plates you were carrying just so you didn’t drop them. 

The diner had a few customers that night, so you couldn’t focus all of your attention solely on him. Nor could you talk freely, for fear of other patrons overhearing. 

But he was still as charming as ever. “Hey,” he said with a twinkle in his eye, “miss me?”

Actually, yes. “I thought you were just passing through,” you said. 

He shrugged, resting his elbows on the counter. “Changed my mind.” He held eye contact with you, and it made your heart race. 

You shook off your dazed expression and whipped out your order pad. “What’ll you have?”

“How’s your French toast?” He asked. So he was a big fan of breakfast for dinner, it seemed. 

You shrugged. “It’s pretty good. I’d recommend the pancakes though, Anton makes the batter from scratch and they’re fluffier than a cloud.”

Rhett’s smile grew wider. “Alright then, I’ll have a stack of ‘em. With a couple of scrambled eggs this time. And black coffee.”

You couldn’t help but smile in return. “Sure thing. And I’ll try not to spill the coffee on you this time.”

That smile turned into a grin. “Thanks, ‘preciate it.”

That was, unfortunately, as far as your interaction went. You handed him his coffee and then got whisked away to serve food to other customers. A family of five walked in, and seeing as how you were the only waitress on the current shift, you had to take care of them. 

Rhett noticed this, and his brow furrowed. It was hardly fair that you had to do all of this by yourself. Where were the other waitresses?

When you made your way back to the counter to grab his order and hand it to him, he stopped you with a question. “You’re doin’ all this by yourself? Where’s your help?”

You grimaced. “There’s usually only two of us working at night but the other girl has been sick in the hospital so she’s called off a few nights in a row. My boss won’t hire anyone else either so it’s all on me.”

“The more you tell me bout that son’bitch, the more I don’t like him,” Rhett grumbled. 

You shrugged. “Just somethin’ I gotta deal with. You need anything else?”

He wanted to continue the conversation, but he didn’t want to keep you from your work and get you in trouble, so he simply requested some pancake syrup and let you get back to your duties. 

That night, as he left the diner, he gave you another large tip, and you cried over it, not understanding why he would do such a thing. In this place, you were lucky to even get a dollar or two as a tip. 

After those first two nights, Rhett quickly became a regular. Each night he’d walk through the doors, take a seat at the counter, and order breakfast for dinner. And each night, you’d talk to him, and find yourself growing more and more enamored with him with each passing hour. He continued to leave large tips, and it made you think that he had to be rich. No one could afford to throw money around like that. 

But it didn’t feel appropriate to ask him about his money, so you kept your questions to yourself. You fell into a routine of expecting his presence every night, and appreciating those generous tips.

The entire time, however, Rhett was watching you, and he noticed a few things. Of course, there was the way your boss treated you. But he also noticed how some of the customers treated you. They were impatient and short with you, and it only served to make you more frazzled, resulting in a few mistakes on your part. 

You would always apologize profusely and come back to the counter holding back tears. It sent the heat of anger blossoming through Rhett’s chest. He couldn’t stand to watch this much longer. And thankfully, he didn’t, because his opportunity to give you a better life came one night when the diner was particularly busy. 

A group of younger men, one of which wore a deputy’s uniform, were picking on you. They would make comments each time you tended to their table, and Rhett caught wind of every word. Their behavior filled him with such rage that he took his hand off of his coffee cup, for fear that he would crush it in his own grasp, just from his anger. 

He was tempted to step in, but he waited. The next time you walked up to the counter, he caught you. “I can take care of them assholes for ya,” he offered. 

“What?” You asked, unsure of what ‘take care of’ meant in this context. 

“Teach ‘em how to be respectful. ‘Cause they sure as hell ain’t respectin’ you right now. ‘Specially that fuckin’ cop.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. They’re just playing around. Don’t pay attention to them,” you brushed it off. But he could tell it was bothering you. 

The final straw happened when you walked back over to their table, and one of them stuck out his leg and purposely tripped you. You let out a yelp of surprise and went down. Thankfully, you were only carrying a pitcher of water, but the water went everywhere, including all over your white top. 

Quick as a flash, Rhett Abbott stood up. “Enough!” His voice boomed through the diner, and everyone went dead silent, including the boys who’d been picking on you. 

The cowboy approached the table, kneeling to reach for your hands. He locked eyes with you and calmly asked, “You okay?”

When you nodded, he pulled you to your feet, and without hesitation, he shrugged out of his denim jacket and put it around your shoulders so no one would be able to see through your wet shirt.

“Go outside,” he said to you. 

“But-”

His piercing eyes caught your gaze. “Go. Trust me.”

And you did. Maybe you were foolish for it, listening to this man you’d only known for the better part of a week. But when Rhett told you to trust him, you somehow knew you could. You hugged his jacket to your body and you walked out of the building and into the cool night. 

Back inside, Rhett was seething. He stared at the group of men, and without a word, he reached across the table and grabbed the napkin canister, yanking the top off and dumping the stack of napkins into the lap of the deputy. “Clean up the mess,” Rhett gruffed. 

The boys snickered. “Not my fault this place has clumsy waitresses,” Luke, the deputy, said. 

Rhett growled, and suddenly, he had Luke by the collar. “Clean up the fuckin’ mess!” He barked. Then he slammed the man back down into his seat.

“Hey!” Luke exclaimed, jumping back out of his seat as Rhett marched back to the counter to grab his hat. “You realize you just assaulted an officer of the law?!”

Rhett remained silent as he fished out his wallet and pulled out a single $10 bill, slamming it down on the counter. Then he turned, his eyes dark and stormy. 

“I don’t give a shit. Next time, I’ll do a lot worse.” Then he put his hat on his head and sauntered outside. 

He found you leaning against the outside wall, and when you saw him, you wiped at your cheeks, trying to hide the tears. He sighed softly, boots crunching against gravel as he neared you. 

“Thanks for that,” you whispered. 

“Mm,” he hummed in response. You were both quiet for a few moments before he spoke again. “Listen, maybe I’m bein’ too forward, maybe I’m fuckin’ crazy, but what if I said I could take you away from all this?”

You looked at him, your brow furrowed in confusion. He was as serious as could be. “What?”

“I could. I know I don’t look like much, but I got some money. Got a place out west. Lots of land, horses, cattle. Nice house with a swimmin’ pool in the back. But the thing is…it’s real empty. It ain’t fit for a lonely old cowboy. But it could be a home, with you in it.”

Your eyes widened. There was no way this was real. There had to be a catch. Maybe you were dreaming. Yeah, that was it. This was a dream and you’d wake up any minute, curled up on your broken-down old mattress in your tiny, ill-repaired house. 

“I’ll let you sleep on it, if ya need. But I’m tellin’ you right now, you deserve better than this town. It’s like fuckin’ quicksand, it’ll suck you in and you’ll never get out. Believe me, I know.”

“Why?” You asked. “Why would you do this for me?”

Rhett shrugged. “Because I can see you need help, and I have the means to give it to ya.”

You stood there, speechless, your eyes wide and watery. “This isn’t real,” you whispered. “You’re just a dream and I’m gonna wake up soon and you’ll be gone.”

“Ain’t no dream, sugar. I’m real and I’m offerin’ you a fresh start. Don’t need to give me an answer right now, you can think about it, but-”

To hell with it. “Yes,” you cut him off. 

His brows raised. He hadn’t expected you to say yes so quickly. Before he could speak again, you continued. 

“Why the hell not? I’ve got nothing going for me here. I’m gonna die in this Podunk town if I don’t get out right now. So yes, I’ll go with you.”

Rhett tilted his head, caging his bottom lip between his teeth. “Alright then. We can leave tomorrow if y’ want. My place is in Wyoming, it’s gon’ be a long drive.”

You wondered what he was doing so far away from his home state. And in the back of your mind, you knew this was potentially the most foolish decision you’d ever made. What if he was a serial killer who was going to dump your body in some ravine somewhere? But as you looked into the kindness of his deep blue eyes, you knew that those fears were all in vain. This man was not here to harm you. He was here to rescue you. 

So you took a headfirst leap of faith and let him. 

That very same night, you walked back into that diner, tossed your apron onto your boss’s desk, and told him, “I fuckin’ quit.”

You ignored his overdramatic pleading, tuning him out when he shouted after you. You left it all behind and came back outside where Rhett was waiting, smoking a cigarette. When he saw you, he stamped out the cigarette and pushed off of his truck, which he’d been leaning on. 

“Well?” He asked. 

“I quit. Maybe I’m stupid for doing this, but I trust you, and I’ll go wherever you wanna take me.”

And that’s how it all started. 

He took you back home that night, insisting upon it after you told him you’d been walking to work to avoid the cost of gas and car maintenance. 

His truck smelled like him. The faint scent of cherry tobacco, and a cologne that smelled like vetiver and cedar. It was strangely comforting and you found yourself at ease wrapped up in his scent. 

When he pulled up outside your shabby little house with its unkempt lawn, you felt a little embarrassed about your living situation. But if he judged you for it, he made no indication. 

“Pack what’s most important to ya. I can have a moving company come and pack up the rest and ship it to my place.”

You hesitated before you climbed out of the truck, reality finally hitting you in the face. “Rhett…you should know I’m sort of…in trouble. I owe money. I’ve got overdue bills, and people I borrowed money from. If I skip town I’ll be in big trouble.”

Rhett gazed at you, and the yellowish light cast from a nearby street lamp made his eyes look dark, almost brown. “Don’t worry about all that.”

“But-”

“I said I’d take ya away from all this. I mean it. You come with me, and you won’t have to worry about anythin’ ever again. I can promise you that.”

“I can’t ask you to take care of my problems for me.”

“You aren’t askin’ me to. I want to.”

You stared at him in disbelief. There was no way this was real. But your heart was telling you to trust him. If he said he would take care of things, then he would. 

“Okay,” you relented. 

“Alright then. I’ll see ya tomorrow mornin’, around 7 if that’s okay with you.”

You nodded. “Yeah, it’s okay. I’ll see you then.”

Then you slipped out of his truck and slammed the door shut behind you. He waited in your driveway to see to it that you got safely into the house before he finally pulled away.

Once you were inside, you pushed the front door shut and leaned back against it, reeling from what had taken place in the last few hours. Had you really just agreed to run off with this man? Were you crazy? Had you gone completely bonkers? Maybe, but strangely enough, you also had a sense of peace. Somehow you knew this was the right decision. 

So you set about packing a duffel bag with your necessities, and by the time morning came, you were waiting out on your front step for Rhett to arrive. 

He pulled up at 7 o’clock on the dot, and he climbed out of the truck to greet you. “Mornin’.” His kind smile sent a fuzzy warmth rushing through you, as if you’d just sipped a glass of bubbly champagne. 

“Morning,” came your response. He graciously took your bag from you and placed it into the bed of his truck. Then he opened the passenger door for you, and you climbed into the confines of the vehicle. 

“Y’ hungry?” He asked after he’d settled into his side. 

As if on cue, your stomach rumbled, and you gave him a sheepish look. “I haven’t eaten yet.”

“I’ll fix that.” He pulled out of your driveway and headed into town, there he stopped at Royal Donut, the local donut shop. He took you inside and let you choose whatever donuts you wanted. You walked out of that shop with a dozen assorted favorites, cups of coffee, and some other bakery items. 

It was more than you could ever eat, but Rhett spared no expense. And as he drove, you happily ate your fill of donuts, a treat that you never bought yourself. He seemed pleased that you were enjoying the sweet treats. 

And thus began your trip to Wyoming with a mysterious, silver-haired cowboy. 

The further away you got from that shitty town, the more at ease you felt. You relaxed into the leather seat of Rhett’s Silverado, and you let yourself forget about your problems for just a little while. 

You found Rhett incredibly easy to talk to. He had this way about him that made you want to talk to him. You wanted to know more about this man who’d walked into your life and whisked you away. This was the kind of thing that only happened in movies and storybooks. It didn’t happen to small-town girls who led flat, broke-down lives. 

And yet, there he was, driving with one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting atop the gearshift, looking like a dream with his hair haphazardly brushed back with his fingers, wearing a simple black t-shirt and jeans, with an ornate belt fastened around his waist. 

There was a pair of black cowboy boots on his feet. You never thought you’d find such a thing attractive, but you did. He was every bit a cowboy as you could have imagined. Open pack of Marlboros in the cup holder. Pistol in the glove compartment. Dreamcatcher hanging from the rearview mirror. 

He told you the dreamcatcher was given to him by an old friend named Joy Hawk. “She passed a few years ago. Every time I look at it I think of her.”

You admired the colorful beads, watching as the feathers fluttered from the air conditioning. Someday, you would find that same dreamcatcher beside your bed, because Rhett noticed you admiring it so much that he decided you should have it. But until then, it would remain dangling upon his rearview. 

During that lengthy road trip, you talked about anything and everything. You revealed some details about your life and explained why you had a negative reputation, of sorts, within your town. 

“You mean that fuckin’ asshole that tripped you spread rumors that you were tradin’ sex for money?” He clarified, his hand tightening on the steering wheel. 

“I-I think so. That’s the only reason I can think the rumor even got started. His pride was hurt when i said I wouldn’t sleep with him.”

Rhett ran his tongue over his teeth, breathing in deeply. “I shoulda beat his ass like I wanted to. Fucker deserves it.”

You shook your head. “What you did last night was more than enough. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to get arrested on account of you defending me. I’d feel so bad,” you said. 

“I wouldn’t’ve gotten arrested. And even if I did, they’d let me go after I made a phone call.”

You looked at him curiously. “Why? You famous or something?”

“Not really. Won a couple bull ridin’ circuits. Own a cattle ranch. I just have good connections. And a good lawyer.”

Something about his answer made you think he was being modest. With the way he threw money around so freely, and the way he was dressed, you knew he was more wealthy and powerful than he was letting on. But you chose not to question it further. If he wanted you to know more, he’d tell you. 

Instead of talking about his status, he changed the subject. He talked about his family, and how rocky his relationship was with them. 

“It all fell apart when I was in my early 30s. Found out my wife was cheatin’ on me with my brother.”

Your jaw dropped at his revelation. “Oh my gosh. With your own brother?! That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged. “I got over it. But it took me a while. I spiraled pretty hard after it. Did some shit I ain’t proud of, all because I was angry. But that was a long time ago. I’m in a better place now.”

“You never remarried?”

“Nah. Just never found anyone I wanted to settle down with. Maria, my ex-wife, tried to rekindle things but I never could look her in the eye again after what she did. So I just put all my focus into buildin’ a life for myself. Rode in a few rodeos. Built a house. Been runnin’ a cattle business for the last decade. Haven’t had time for anyone special.”

“Except for me,” you quietly murmured. 

He smirked, nodding in agreement. “Except for you, little darlin’.” Then he paused. “‘s alright if I call ya that?”

“Yeah. I like the sound of it.”

From that moment on, you became Rhett Abbott’s little darlin’, and everything changed. You wondered what made you special. What made him decide, fifteen years after his marriage went down the drain, to open his arms to someone else? 

You’d never understand, but you didn’t have to. Rhett had pulled you from the miry pit you’d been sinking into, and you would be forever grateful to him for it. You didn’t know it yet, but he would soon lavish you with everything you could ever want or need. He would provide for you beyond your wildest dreams, and you would wake up every day and thank your lucky stars that he had walked into that shitty hole-in-the-wall diner and swept you off your feet. 

Now you were on your way out west to his big ranch to start a new life. You had no idea how he was going to work out all the details. There were still so many loose ends you had to tie up in your personal life. To anyone else, this decision probably seemed like the most foolish decision you could’ve possibly made. But to you, it felt like fate, so you decided to take it as such. 

Instead of worrying about those things, you allowed yourself to be in the moment, getting to know Rhett during all those hours in the truck together. He got you whatever you wanted to eat along the way. Fries, milkshakes, your favorite treats. You felt a little bad that he was spending money on you, but at the same time, it felt nice to be spoiled, so you allowed yourself to bask in it. 

The trip took twelve hours in total, and toward the end, you fell asleep with your head resting against the window. A few hours later, you woke with a start when you felt the truck pulling to a stop. 

“Shh, you’re alright,” Rhett’s low cadence filled your ears. “Just pullin’ into the drive.”

Suddenly, you were very much awake as you realized what you were looking at. You’d finally arrived, and although it was dark, you could see that the property was large. And the house you were approaching was bigger than you could’ve imagined. 

Your eyes went wide. So he was rich, rich. 

You were essentially speechless as you climbed out of the truck and followed Rhett to the front door. There was a motion light that had turned on as soon as he pulled the truck to a stop, illuminating the front of the large house. It was designed to look like a rustic cabin, but much bigger. Wood beams framed the expansive porch. Even the front door was wooden. A few rocking chairs decorated the porch. Green fern plants hung from the ceiling, creating a whimsical feel.

You weren’t sure what you were expecting his home to look like, but this exceeded your wildest expectations. You drank everything in as he took you inside, standing there dumbly in the entryway as he reached over and flipped several light switches on one switchplate, illuminating the front of the home.

An entry area with a plush rug stretched out before you. It opened up into the main living room, which was furnished with two leather couches, some comfortable-looking overstuffed chairs, a bearskin rug, a custom coffee table, and so many more odds and ends that made it feel like a home. 

“Whoa,” you whispered to yourself in amazement. Your own home looked like a tattered shoebox compared to this. “How is this real?”

Rhett smiled at your wonder. “It’s real. Built it myself.”

Your eyes went wide as saucers. “You built this?!”

“Not by myself, I had a lotta help, but yeah. C’mon, let me show you where you’re gon’ be stayin’. I’ll give ya a tour tomorrow, I’m sure you’re wiped out and want some sleep.”

You were in fact wide awake, but you let him lead you up to your room anyway. You followed up up the wide, wooden staircase and up to an open hallway, complete with wooden banisters. It overlooked the main floor of the house and gave you an idea of just how big the place really was.

On your way down the hallway, you passed a few different rooms, and you noticed that one had a nameplate on it with the name Amy etched into it. You wondered if it was too forward to ask him about it, but the words were out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. 

“Who’s Amy?” You asked as you trailed after the man.

He glanced back at you. “Amy’s my niece. She don’t stay here much anymore, she’s grown, and she’s off backpackin’ through the Appalachian Trail with her wife, last I heard. I just kept her room the way it was in case she ever needs to stay with me.”

You nodded in understanding, and you wondered if she was the daughter of the brother that Rhett’s wife had cheated on him with, but you didn’t ask any more questions. You already felt like you were imposing enough as it was, and you felt it was rude to interrogate this man who’d just invited you into his home out of the goodness of his heart.

You didn’t have time to continue your questions anyway, because Rhett stopped at the end of the hall and opened the door to another bedroom, motioning for you to step inside. The first thing you noticed was its coziness, with a large, plush rug covering most of the floor. The bed was queen-sized, set inside a bedframe made of logs. 

There were rich oak nightstands on either side of the bed with ornate wrought iron lamps. There was even a flatscreen television mounted to the wall across from the bed. But best of all, there was a large, stone-hewn fireplace along the far wall. You were blown away. It was the nicest bedroom you’d ever seen. And the bed looked so inviting. Maybe you would finally get a good night’s sleep and wake up without any lower back pain, as you were prone to.

“Rhett, I…” you started, but you couldn’t form the words.

He smiled as he walked over to place your bag atop the bed. “Don’t mention it, little darlin’. For now, I want ya to get some sleep. Bathroom’s right over there,” he motioned toward a door on the other side of the room. “Should be toiletries and whatnot in there. My housekeeper Kira usually keeps everythin’ stocked.”

Your brows shot up. He had a housekeeper? It only made sense, seeing as how the place was so big and he was only one person. Even so, it was a lot to process. How on earth had you gotten so lucky to meet this guy? It still felt like a sick joke that God was playing on you. But you’d enjoy the joke for as long as you could.

However, there was no joke. No one was pulling a fast one on you. Rhett Abbott was a sincere man who truly wanted to help you, a poor waitress down on your luck. And help you, he did. After you got settled in that night, he set about doing exactly as he told you he would; taking care of things.

Over the next few weeks, he began the process of having all of your things moved to his place. He worked behind the scenes to cover all of your financial expenses. He paid any outstanding balances and bills you had, down to the very last dime. 

In just a short amount of time, your entire life changed. You went from barely keeping your head above water, to floating atop the same water on a pool float with a mimosa in hand. Rhett became your protector, your provider, the best thing to ever happen to you. 

Gone were the days of worrying if you’d have enough money to buy groceries or pay your electric bill. As the months went by, Rhett provided everything you could ever need or want. Clothes, jewelry, shoes, food, hygiene products. He spared no expense and he was more than happy to lavish you with those things.

He’d well and truly become your savior, and you would be forever grateful to him for giving you a chance when no one else would.

As time passed, and you fell into an easy routine of life with the gray-haired cowboy, you found yourself falling in love with him. Being in his presence felt so safe and warm, and you became drunk off of that feeling. You couldn’t help but fall head over heels, and he was there to catch you when you did, confessing that he, too, loved you. 

It felt natural. It felt right. And Rhett hadn’t allowed himself to love anyone in this way since his marriage had fallen apart. Even then, he never truly knew what love was. He’d only married Maria because he was afraid of being alone. A lot of good it had done him, because he’d ended up alone anyway.

But all of those events in his life had led him here, to you, and he realized then that it was all worth it. The pain, the suffering, the hardships he’d endured were simply molding him into the man you needed him to be. Taking care of you gave him purpose.

He pledged himself to you, promising that he would take care of you for as long as he lived, and even after, he would see to it that you didn’t have to worry about a thing. You would be financially set for the rest of your life. It was a concept that was so foreign to you that it was difficult to wrap your mind around.

Money would never be a concern for you ever again.

But for you, it wasn’t about the money. Of course, the financial stability was wonderful, but you came to the conclusion that you would be happy with Rhett no matter your situation. Rich, poor, anything in between. You were content with all of it as long as he was by your side. Not only was he your savior, but he was also the love of your life. 

He had so much to teach you, from all the years of life he’d lived. He’d seen so much in his forty-five years, he had many stories to tell, and you eagerly listened to all of them. As time went on, he opened up more and more. 

You were curious as to how he made so much money. He didn’t tell you all the details, but the gist was that he raised and sold cattle, and it had become a wildly successful means of living for him. Before his livestock business, he was a bull rider. You’d seen the medals and trophies in his office. He was modest about his riding career, but his awards boasted of national fame in the rodeo circuit. He was one of the best there was.

He explained that he’d had to give up riding when he was still young. “Most guys get ten or so years in the circuit. I got seven. Fucked up m’ shoulder and wrist one too many times. Got to the point where I couldn’t hold onto the ropes anymore. My last ride damn near killed me, I thought I could handle it but I lost m’ grip and went down. Landed me in the hospital for a month.”

He showed you the various scars and injuries he’d suffered during his riding career. His shoulder was littered with aged scars, which were from extensive surgeries he’d undergone just to be able to use it still.

After that, you spent many a night massaging lotion into that shoulder, just to give him some temporary relief of the pain he still suffered. He was grateful for your gentle touch, and he found himself marveling at how he got so lucky to find someone like you.

But life wasn’t all rhinestone cowboys and star-spangled rodeos. While he made an honest living with his job, he had his fair share of issues when it came to his wealth. After his divorce, he’d spiraled out of control and gotten himself in trouble with some powerful people. 

Those days were behind him, and he’d since paid his dues, but he still had those enemies who would jump at the chance to see his success go down the drain. Particularly the neighboring Tillerson ranch. 

The Abbotts had a long history with the Tillersons. And that history had carried on through each generation. Rhett’s father, Royal, had been dead for the better part of a decade, and the Tillerson patriarch, Wayne, had been dead for even longer. But his sons were still alive and kickin’. And they’d do anything to knock Rhett down a few pegs and gain the upper hand in the business realm. 

Rhett had fought tooth and nail to get where he was today. He was the son of an impoverished cowboy, he had extremely humble beginnings and was always told he wouldn’t amount to much. But he’d proved everyone wrong just by succeeding. Because of all the blood, sweat, and tears he’d put into his livelihood, he was especially protective of it, and never allowed anyone to threaten what was his. 

You knew Rhett was protective. You had seen it early on when you first met him, when he defended you against those boys in the diner. But you saw it again one day when you faced his competitors one night at a rancher’s event. 

He told you that you didn’t have to go. “Don’t want ya to feel obligated, little darlin’.”

“I want to go, so I can support you,” you insisted. “Besides, I couldn’t pass up seeing my man dressed up all fancy.”

He smiled shyly. “If you’re sure, then okay.”

“I’m sure. Plus, it’s high time I let everyone know you’re off the market, right?”

Despite your upbeat attitude, part of you was nervous. Rhett had told you how some of these people behaved, and how judgmental they could be. You were afraid of what they might say when they noticed how much younger you were than Rhett. 

But your relationship wasn’t something you wanted to hide. To hell with what others thought, or at least, that’s what you tried to convince yourself of. You wanted to walk in on Rhett’s arm and have him show you off. 

And that was exactly what you did. Rhett bought you a new dress, a deep blue to match the shirt he wore. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him. He wore his nicest pair of jeans, the blue shirt with a bolo tie around the collar, his most expensive belt, decorated with his favorite buckle that was polished to perfection. His silver hair was neatly combed back, and he wore a jet-black hat atop his head. 

He’d never looked more beautiful, and you couldn’t believe you were lucky enough to be called his. You walked into the event that night with your arm looped through his, butterflies of nervousness fluttering in your belly. 

“You’re gon’ do just fine,” he quietly assured you. You smiled and squeezed his bicep in thanks. 

And you were just fine. Until it came time to meet people. You were content to keep to yourself, safely tucked into Rhett’s side. But everyone noticed you, because it was a rarity for him to come to an event with a plus one. 

It was Luke Tillerson’s wife, Camilla, that took it upon herself to find out who you were. “Who’s your little friend, Rhett?” She spoke up. 

Little friend? You didn’t like her tone. But Rhett didn’t let it affect him. He tightened his arm around your waist and replied. “This here’s my girlfriend,” he introduced you. 

The woman made a face, eyeing you up and down. You immediately felt scrutinized. “Oh, how…cute.”

“She is, ain’t she?” He said, gazing down at you lovingly, purposely ignoring her implication. But he could tell you were bothered, he could see it in your eyes. You stepped closer to him, pressing yourself against his side. 

You’d never felt so out of place in your life. These people were all filthy rich. They’d been born into wealth. Surely they would see you as Rhett’s charity case if they knew your background. 

“Abbott!” A male voice suddenly interrupted the conversation. An older man dressed in an expensive suit and sporting a stereotypical handlebar mustache approached Rhett, and before you or Rhett could protest, he whisked him away, claiming he had someone for him to meet. 

This left you entirely alone with Camilla. Your palms grew sweaty and your muscles tensed. You were afraid she was going to start prying into your business. And sure enough, she did. 

“You’re awfully young,” the woman remarked, idly sipping the expensive cocktail she held between her manicured fingers. 

“And what about it?” You asked, immediately defensive. You’d been afraid this would happen. 

“Oh, don’t take it personally, hon. I just didn’t think Rhett would stoop to such a level. I mean, what are you, mid-20s? He must have been incredibly desperate.”

You bristled, your skin growing hot beneath your dress. “I really don’t appreciate that,” you gritted out. “He isn’t desperate. It’s not like that.”

Camilla laughed it off. “Oh, you sweet child. You don’t get it, do you? He’s having a midlife crisis. You’re only a phase. Once he gets sick of you? He’ll drop you like a bad habit. He’s only interested in one thing, and it’s not your brains or pretty face.”

You wanted to throw angry, biting words right back at her, but you were speechless. You couldn’t believe the audacity of this woman to speak so boldly to someone she’d never even met. You could feel tears welling in your eyes, and although you willed them to go away, they wouldn’t. 

“H-he’s not like that,” you whispered, repeating yourself. You had been with him for nearly a year. Not once did he ever display the tendencies she was describing. 

“Honey, I’m just trying to warn you so you don’t get hurt when he gets bored. Go find a man your own age before it’s too late.” 

Those tears welling in your eyes began to make their way down your cheeks before you could stop them. You couldn’t fathom how someone could be so cruel. Camilla said something else to you, but you didn’t hear her. You were too overwhelmed, too hurt. Your immediate instinct was to find Rhett. With your breath coming out in short, shallow gasps as you tried to hold in your tears, you turned, your blurry eyes scanning the room for him. 

But Rhett had already seen you, and he was making a beeline for you. As soon as he appeared in your line of sight, you knew he was going to come to your aid. He’d been watching you warily from the corner of his eye as he talked to a potential new business partner, because he knew how Camilla Tillerson was. She’d never grown out of her high school mean-girl phase, and she thought just because she was Mrs. Luke Tillerson she could behave whichever way she wanted. 

When he saw your shoulders tense, he knew something was wrong, and he excused himself to come to you. And then you turned, and there were tears in your eyes. It set off alarm bells in his head, and his chest tightened as anger welled up inside him.

As soon as he reached you, he was pulling you close, and you let yourself melt into the safety of his arms. Rhett had it handled, you didn’t have to worry anymore. “The fuck did you say to her, huh?!” He demanded.

Camilla’s eyes widened. “Nothing! I was just trying to give her some friendly advice, woman to woman.”

Rhett glared at her. “Like hell you were. You really gon’ stand there and insult my gal? And ain’t it convenient that you waited ‘til I walked away to do it?”

“Hey, there a problem here?” Another voice chimed in. This time, it was Luke’s.

Rhett sighed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, your wife. Tell her to keep her big mouth shut.”

He ignored Luke’s dramatic reaction, opting to instead end the argument and tend to you. He tucked you under his arm and he led you out of the room. You didn’t see it, but he made sure to hold his hand out behind him as he went, his middle finger in the air to get the message to Luke and his wife across. 

Once he had you outside, he led you to the truck, where he stopped to let you pull yourself together. You wiped at your wet cheeks, and he kindly gave you the handkerchief he always kept in his pocket to help. 

“How can someone be so mean?” You whimpered softly.

Rhett fought the urge to go back inside and start yelling. It wouldn’t help anything, and it would only get him banned from the event altogether for acting like a fool. Instead, he focused on you. “What’d she say to you, baby?”

You sniffled, staring down at the handkerchief as you gingerly folded the fabric over itself. You relayed the words Camilla had spoken to you, and you watched as Rhett’s jaw tightened, his chest heaving slightly. 

“That fuckin’ bitch,” he gritted out. Then he grimaced apologetically. “‘scuse the term, I don’t like to call ladies names but that one deserves it. I can’t believe she’d do that to ya.”

“It’s what I get for thinking I could measure up to all this. I’m nothing compared to all those people in there. They’re filthy rich and I’m just fuckin’ trailer park trash!”

In an instant, Rhett had your face in his hand. “Don’t you dare start talkin’ like that about yourself. I ain’t gon’ stand for it. You got just as much a right to be there as anyone else.”

“Do I? Or am I just your arm candy?” As soon as you said the words, you regretted them. 

“You know that’s not true,” he lowly said. “You’re not a fuckin’ object, alright? You’re a brilliant human being and I’m sorry the others can’t see that.”

You wanted to say more, but you were too emotional. “Can we please just go home?”

Rhett sighed softly, but relented. “We’ll talk more about it later.” And then he opened the passenger door of the truck and allowed you to climb in. 

Camilla’s words and attitude had really gotten to you. You knew what she said about Rhett wasn’t true, but there was still that nagging voice of insecurity that made you think it was true. 

What if he did eventually get bored of you? What if he didn’t even love you and he truly was only interested in you for what you brought to the table sexually? Those were all lies, and you knew that. But the longer you let them fester, the more tortured you felt. 

When you arrived home that night, you went right up to the bedroom without saying a word to Rhett. He stood at the foot of the steps and watched you go up, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he sighed tiredly and sauntered over to his extravagant liquor cabinet. 

He poured himself a glass of whiskey, downing it in one go before he poured another, and then made his way upstairs to where you were already getting ready for bed. He decided to give you a few moments of silence before he tried talking to you again. You obviously needed a little time. 

Instead, he busied himself with getting ready for bed himself, shedding his clothes and slipping into a fresh pair of underwear to sleep in. Then he finished off his whiskey before he headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. 

It wasn’t long before he was settling into bed, all while you were still busy at your vanity, going through your skincare ritual. He gave you that time to yourself as he cracked open the book he’d been reading the last few nights, perching his reading glasses on his nose as he did so. 

A few minutes later, you joined him in bed, slipping beneath the plush covers. He didn’t waste another moment as he quickly set his book aside. “We need to talk this out.”

You sighed. “I know.”

“Do you? Because I don’t think y’ do.”

You looked at him with a furrowed brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Listen, I ain’t the best with words, but…I don’t think you know just how much you mean to me. I don’t give a shit what Camilla Tillerson says. She’s wrong, you hear me? You’re not just some phase that I’m gon’ get bored of. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You make me a better man and I’m forever grateful, you hear me? So fuck what all them prissy, starch-collared cowboys think. Because I know the truth. And the truth is that you’re the love of my life. Nothing’s gon’ change that.” 

At his earnest confession, your eyes welled with tears again. “Oh, Rhett,” you whispered. You moved closer, wrapping your arms around him. 

“I love you, you hear me, girl? I’ll love you ‘til the day I die.”

And somehow, you knew he would.  

His confession eased your fears, but there was still that little insecure voice within you. However, somewhere along the way, you determined in your heart that you were done caring about what people thought. 

You loved Rhett, and he loved you. You weren’t going to hide that. So you continued attending events with him, walking in with your head held high, proud to be standing by your man’s side. You didn’t let anyone talk poorly about him, or yourself. You stayed far away from Camilla Tillerson, and you refused to listen to comments that she or her family made toward you. What they thought didn’t matter. 

Rhett proved his love to you over and over again. He showed you that what you shared was real and true. That you were the only one for him. And it wasn’t long before he pledged that love to you with a ring. 

You were married in the woods. You wore a whimsical dress with a crown of flowers in your hair. You even got Rhett to wear flowers in his hair. You said your vows under an old weeping willow, with the local pastor officiating. Rhett’s niece Amy and her wife flew in to witness the marriage, and his mother Cecelia, who was well up in years, but still just as lucid and fiery as she’d ever been, came too. 

It was a quiet, intimate ceremony. And after it was all said and done, Rhett treated you to a honeymoon in the mountains, in a little log cabin built for two. It was blissful and dreamy and everything you ever could’ve hoped your honeymoon to be. 

He treated you like a queen, and you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was it for you. There was no one else you could imagine spending your life with. He’d found you at rock bottom and offered you a steady hand to hold, slowly pulling you to your feet and building you up until your old life was but a bad memory. 

With Rhett, you wanted for nothing. You were loved, provided for, protected. He was the greatest gift you’d ever been bestowed, and you cherished him every waking moment. 

Now, whenever there were business events to attend, you walked proudly by his side, displaying the beautiful ring he’d placed upon your finger, letting everyone know that you were the one that had made Rhett Abbott believe in romance again after all these years of wallowing in his own loneliness. 

Your life together was sweet, and it went down easy like a spoonful of honey. Gone were the rough days and the fear of wondering if you’d end up living on the streets. Now, you woke up every morning to the sun streaming through your windows and your husband’s strong arm slung across your waist, and you silently whispered a prayer of thanks to the universe for it.

That was exactly the kind of morning you’d just woken up to. It was early, especially to be awake on a Sunday morning, but you were alert as could be. Beside you, Rhett was still sleeping peacefully, the sheets slung loosely over his naked hip, his silver hair mussed against the pillow. 

Sundays were his day of rest. He wasn’t above doing hard labor, and could often be found working out in the fields with his ranch hands. But Sundays were reserved for rest and spending time with you. Usually, you would gently wake him, but because it was early, you decided to let him rest a little longer. He deserved it after a long and arduous week. 

Instead, you slipped out of bed and went to get into your swimsuit so you could jump into the in ground pool in the back. Although the sun had barely been up that long, it was already quite hot outside, and you were eager to take a dip in the cool water to start your day. 

You donned a white bikini. It was simple, but it was Rhett’s favorite. Particularly because the straps wear easy to untie and gave him easy access to the body that he loved so much. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, because you knew he would be delighted to wake up to the sight of you in your skimpy bathing suit clinging to your wet skin.

As you sneaked back through the bedroom, he was still sound asleep, and you left him be. You padded through the house with your feet bare, the air conditioning cool against your exposed skin as you went, raising goosebumps in its wake. 

But the second you stepped outside, you warmed right up. You stopped to grab a beach towel and a bottle of SPF in the outdoor cabinet near the door, and then you took a moment to put on the cream, allowing it to soak in for a bit before you stepped toward the pool and dipped your foot in, shivering at the coolness. 

Sucking in a breath, you finally went for it, quickly lowering yourself off of the concrete edge and plunging straight into the water. You squeaked at the cold shock, but moments later, your body grew used to the temperature, and you relaxed, closing your eyes for a moment before you swam to the other edge of the pool to grab a large innertube to float around on. 

You pulled it over your body and then rested your arms over the inflated edge, breathing out a sigh as you let yourself float around aimlessly. You rested your head atop your hands, letting your eyes drift shut as the water gently lapped at your body. It felt heavenly, and you relished in every moment of it.

You couldn’t believe that this was your reality. A giant in-ground pool in the middle of a glorious ranch in Wyoming. Never in your wildest dreams had you imagined you’d be in this position, but here you were, all thanks to your million dollar man. 

“Thought I’d find y’ out here.” Speak of the devil.

You smiled, lifting your head to take in the sight of your husband. He was dressed only in the white underwear he’d worn to bed, and you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander brazenly, drifting toward his crotch.

“Mornin’, Daddy,” you sighed. 

He raised a brow as he stopped at the edge of the pool. You eagerly swam toward him, and he leaned down to kiss you. “Mornin’, little darlin’. Sleep okay?”

“Like a baby.”

He smiled, kissing you again before he turned, opting to take a seat on one of the soft lounge chairs. You watched as he reached into the side table that stood beside the chair, pulling out his pipe set. You couldn’t help but bite your lips as you watched him ready the old pipe. It had been given to him by his grandfather, and he only used it once in a while. It was intricate, hand carved and passed down through the generations.

He noticed you eyeing him, and he smirked. “What? I’m feelin’ fancy this mornin’, sue me.”

You shook your head. “Oh, no, keep going. You know how sexy I think you look with a pipe.”

He rolled his eyes as he pressed a scoop of cherry tobacco down into the pipe. “Yeah. Sexy like a fuckin’ grandfather.”

“Exactly.”

He snorted in laughter. “Oh I’m sorry, I forgot who I was dealin’ with. My wife loves old men.”

You giggled in response. “Hey, I only have eyes for one old man, and that’s you.”

You shared a good-natured, knowing look with him before you spontaneously turned and dipped back into the water. Rhett leaned back against the lounge chair, taking a puff from the pipe and letting the smoke curl into the air. He watched you through hooded eyes, admiring the way your body moved in the water. He noticed that you were wearing his favorite bikini of yours, and he couldn’t help but groan low in his chest. 

You swam about for a few more laps, all under Rhett’s watchful eye, before you finally decided to get out of the water. You felt his gaze on your body as you emerged from the pool dripping wet, bathing suit clinging to your skin. Your nipples were prominent beneath the fabric against your breasts, and Rhett could see it clearly. 

You grabbed the towel you’d set out early, using it to dry your body, right in front of your husband. You turned to catch his cool blue gaze, and the way he was looking at you made you weak in the knees. He stared right at you as he brought his pipe back to his lips, and this time, when he released the smoke, he created smoke rings that floated up into the air. 

God, did he really have to make everything so sexy?

“What’s’a matter, honey?” He teased, a twinkle in his eye.

“Nothin’!” You peeped, shaking your head as you finished trying off. 

He smirked again, and you wanted to wipe it off his face. Then he leaned back, spreading his legs. You had full view of his cock, and those heavy balls of his, barely hidden by the fabric of his underwear. You swore you began salivating, and he wasn’t even hard yet. 

“Come sit on daddy’s lap, little darlin’.”

Oh, so that’s how he wanted to play. Without a word of protest, you tossed your towel aside and climbed into his lap. He set his pipe in its cradle so both of his hands could rest on your hips. “Look so pretty, glimmerin’ like a fuckin’ diamond,” he mused, admiring your damp, shimmering skin.

You leaned in, searching out his lips, and he obliged you, kissing you languidly. In the process, you lifted your hand, discreetly tugging at one of the ties on your bikini top. When you parted, the top conveniently fell, revealing your breast.

“Oh, oopsie!” You exclaimed. 

Rhett rolled his eyes. “Yeah, oopsie.” But he brought his hand up to untie the other side, and then the back. With ease, he plucked the fabric from your body and tossed it aside, revealing your chest. “Much better.” Then he surged forward, opening his mouth to swirl his hot, wet tongue around a nipple. 

You gasped lowly when he closed his lips around the little bud, suckling softly. “Know I can’t resist these fuckin’ gorgeous titties,” he growled, teeth nipping at you. 

“I know,” you gasped, “‘s why I wore this set.”

He grinned at you as he made quick work of untying the bottoms. “I figured. Dirty little slut, know exactly how to get daddy goin’, don’t ya?”

He went back to mouthing at your breast, his other hand coming up to knead at the one he wasn’t laving his tongue all over. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, bringing yourself closer to him as you relished in the feeling of his teeth gently scraping against your nipples. It sent shockwaves of pleasure crackling along your spine, and you could feel yourself growing wetter by the minute. 

Rhett was obsessed with your tits. He always wanted his hands or his mouth all over them, and you were more than happy to oblige. 

“Can’t get enough of ya,” he murmured, his large, warm hands squeezing your ass. “Mind if I fuck t’ out here, baby? Or would you rather go inside where it’s cooler?” He was always so considerate of your comfort. 

“Out here,” you gasped as you pulled his mouth to yours, your fingers threading through that silvery hair. “Don’t wanna wait.”

He hummed in amusement. “Impatient lil thang,” he drawled. 

“Can’t help it,” you sighed as you positioned yourself so your pussy was against his slowly hardening cock. “Need my daddy right now.”

He growled low in his chest. “Yeah? Poor baby, daddy’ll give you what you need.” 

You whined in response, letting your head rest on his shoulder as you began to rock your hips back and forth. His big arms came up to wrap around your torso, and you basked in the feeling, eyes drifting shut. You felt so safe, surrounded by him. The sweet scent of cherry tobacco was comforting, paired with the scent of his shampoo, and the natural, intoxicating musk that could only be described as Rhett. 

You could get drunk off of his scent alone. 

When he realized you were inhaling him, he hummed knowingly. You were like a little puppy, the way you always sniffed at him. He found it endearing. 

But then he felt your cunt soaking through the fabric of his underwear, right against his cock, and he forgot all about that cute little quirk of yours, his brain short-circuiting. 

Above him, you could feel him growing harder and harder against you. It was your favorite feeling, because when he was hard, he grew so big. You’d never forget the first time you saw his hard cock. You had meekly questioned how it was going to fit inside you. 

Now you took it like a champ, but that didn’t mean you didn’t still like to talk it up and tell him how big he was. You knew how much it got him going. 

You looked down, and whimpered pathetically when you saw him growing between your legs. Almost frantically, you began rutting your hips more quickly, building friction. 

“Hey now,” Rhett drawled, “slow down there, baby. We got all mornin’, ain’t no rush.”

He tipped your chin up to kiss you again, and you shivered in his arms. “I know. But I wan’ you now. Need to be full, need your fat fucking cock inside me.”

Rhett’s eyes widened at your brazen language. He wasn’t shocked by it, he just wasn’t used to you being so bold right off the bat. Usually, it took getting you a little worked up for the filthy talk to start, but he was already getting your unfiltered desires and you’d barely even begun.

Before he could reply, you were scrambling to get his underwear down his legs. Moving quickly, he aided you, yanking them down the rest of the way and kicking them aside. 

Without warning, your hand was on him, stroking him to full hardness as he grunted in surprise. You leaned forward and let a trail of spit fall from your pursed mouth, right onto the shiny, pink tip. 

You used it as lubricant to stroke him further, but within seconds, he was gently pulling your hand away. He then reached between your thighs and slid his middle and ring fingers inside you, pulling a sharp gasp from your throat. “Gotta get you ready,” he murmured, and suddenly he was fucking his fingers into you hard and fast as you squealed and fell forward against him, the obscene wet sound reaching your ears. 

You weakly grasped at his arm, unable to speak, but you knew if he kept going you’d end up squirting all over him. “Da-d-daddy!” You managed to squeak. 

And then, all at once, he stopped. He pulled his fingers from you and used your slick to further lube up his cock. You watched, salivating as the tip began to glisten with precum. Eagerly, you reached down, swiping your finger over the slit and smearing it around. 

Rhett gasped, shivering at the sensitivity. 

“So pretty, Daddy,” you mused, admiring the glimmering hardness beneath you. 

“S’all for you, little darlin’,” he rasped. Then he grabbed your hips, arranging you properly before he aligned himself with you. “Let’s see if this needy pussy is ready f’ me.”

He ran the plush tip over your aching clit, and you trilled softly, closing your eyes in anticipation. Then, finally, you felt him as your entrance. Slowly, oh so slowly, he began to push into you. Little by little, your anatomy stretched to accommodate him. You could feel every vein, every twitch, and it already had your eyes rolling back in your head. 

“‘ere you go,” he praised, his eyes fixed on the place where your bodies met. “Just a little further. C’mon honey, I know you can do it.”

At his encouragement, you sank down all the way, until you felt his balls pressing against you and you’d taken him down to the hilt. Then you glanced down and smiled proudly. “I did it, Daddy. I took the whole thing!”

Rhett beamed. “Atta girl. Takin’ it like you were made to.” His hand came up to cup your cheek, thumb stroking the skin. “You wan’ do it by yourself or do ya need Daddy’s help?”

Your brow furrowed as you considered the ultimatum. “I wanna try to do it by myself first.”

He nodded, leaving a kiss to your knows. “Alright then, go ahead. Take what y’ need.”

You placed your hands on his big, broad shoulders and began to slowly move atop him, using your thighs to lift yourself off before sinking back down. Rhett’s own hands found purchase on your thighs, lovingly squeezing at the flesh, enjoying the feeling of you building your own rhythm. 

As you did so, he dipped his head forward again, mouthing at your breasts, tongue swirling around each nipple. You let out a soft moan at the feeling, taking in every sensation you felt. 

The stretch of his cock inside you, the shock of his teeth nipping at your sensitive flesh, the feeling of his hands, calloused from years of work, resting on your thighs. His presence was so big and manly, surrounding you entirely. You felt so safe, like nothing in the world could harm you. 

“Love you, Daddy,” you breathed as you began moving faster, focusing on the task at hand. Up, down, swivel your hips against his. A steady rhythm that you stayed with, periodically tightening around him as you did so. 

“Love you too, baby.”

Rhett watched you above him, his eyes shining like the stars. You were so beautiful like this, slipping into the throes of pleasure. He wished he could have this moment etched in gold and display it on the walls of his home. 

Your soft whimpers filled his head, swirling around like the smoke from his pipe. The sweetest music to his ears. He ran his hands along your body, as if committing the feel of your soft skin to memory. 

“So pretty like this, ain’t ya? Usin’ Daddy for your own pleasure.”

At that, you moaned, opening your eyes to gaze into his own. “Feels so good.”

“I know. I can feel you gettin’ wetter.”

And he could. Your arousal had begun to drip down against his balls, and you were so slick that you had to focus on being careful so you didn’t accidentally take him too deep and hurt yourself. 

But soon, your thighs began to burn, and you grew fatigued from doing all the work. You’d bitten off more than you could chew. You needed help. 

“C-can you take over, please?” You asked. 

“Already?” He cooed. “I thought for sure you’d last longer. You’re just a pathetic little thing, ain’t ya? Need Daddy’s help with everything.”

“Yes sir,” you agreed, nodding your head and gazing at him with doe eyes. 

“Don’t worry. I gotcha.” His hands tightened around your hips, and suddenly, he was moving you up and down on his cock with his sheer strength. You gasped loudly, immediately falling forward against his strong chest as he did so. 

You felt every inch stretching you, splitting you open. Your mouth parted to let out your unabashed moans and whines, already so blissed out that you were drooling against his chest. 

He began shifting his hips up to meet yours each time he brought you down, jarring you as he fucked you fast and deep, fingertips digging into the flesh of your ass. 

But he didn’t let you get too used to that position, because it wasn’t long before he was suddenly pulling you off of him. You squeaked in protest, looking at him in confusion. 

“Want you on y’re hands and knees,” he gruffed. He slipped out from under you, and you watched his hard cock bob as he got up, glistening in the morning light. 

He had to arrange you how he saw fit, because you were too preoccupied staring at his dick. Then he was behind you, clutching your hip with one hand while the other aligned himself with your cunt. 

In one swift but careful thrust, he was back inside you, and you all but howled against the lounge chair. He lifted his hand to swat your ass, leaving a brief sting that was soothed by his gentle palm. 

Then that same hand rested on the small of your back as he pushed you all the way forward so your face was against the cushion. Then he began to roll his hips forward, and you whined at the feeling. This angle was so much more intense, and he felt even bigger somehow. 

“S’big, Daddy!”

“I know. Poor little pussy’s just stretchin’ so wide to take me. I don’t know, think I should pull out and make you take m’ fingers instead?” He pulled his hips back, and you gasped, immediately reaching back to grab at his arm. 

“No! I can take it, promise! I’m a big girl!”

“Are you? And here I was under the impression that y’ were just a little thing.”

“No! Please!” You begged. 

Then he thrust forward, and you let out a wail into the open air. Good thing no one could hear you back here. “Alright then. Wan’ you to lay there and take every last inch of Daddy’s dick.”

And you did. He fucked you hard and fast, and you clawed at the cushions for purchase, your mouth open, your eyes screwed shut. It felt like heaven, and you were certain you weren’t even on Earth in that moment. You were floating above yourself, watching your husband claim you as his. 

Again, drool spilled from your mouth, this time soaking the fabric of the cushion beneath you. You moaned and squealed and cried out, wonderfully blissed out. 

But all too soon, Rhett was switching positions again. He pulled out of you once more, and this time, you wailed. “Daddy, no!”

“Be fuckin’ patient,” he huffed as he turned you onto your back. “I’m gon’ give it back to you.” He shoved your knees up toward your chest, and then he was inside you again, stealing the breath from your lungs. 

This time, he pressed the weight of his body against you, keeping you grounded as he began fucking into you. A hand came up to wrap around your throat, squeezing the sides, not to cut off airflow, but blood flow. Within seconds, your head was going woozy, and Rhett grinned down at you. 

“Filthy little slut. Bet you’d come right now just from my hand around your throat if I let ya.”

You would, because you’d done it before. However, that wasn’t his goal in that particular instance. He simply wanted to watch the way your body reacted to it. Your eyes rolled back in your head and your mouth fell open, leaving you in this state of pure, unadulterated bliss. 

He felt you tighten around him, and he grunted, pushing his cock even deeper. Your hands clutched at his flexed forearm, nails digging into the skin, sure to leave marks. He growled and grunted above you like a goddamned animal, fucking you within an inch of your life, and you took it like the good girl you were. 

And then you felt it. The tip of his cock brushed something inside you that sent you into orbit. 

“That’s it. Look at’cha. Got your eyes rollin’ back in your fuckin’ head.” Then he grabbed one of your hands and brought it down to your lower abdomen. “Feel that?” 

All you could do was squeak in reply. 

“‘S Daddy’s cock inside ya.”

At that, you let out a deep keen, tears beginning to stream down the sides of your face. You sobbed and moaned and made all sorts of sounds that you might’ve otherwise been embarrassed about, but Rhett couldn’t get enough. 

Then his scruffy face was nuzzling into your neck, and his teeth were nipping at your pulse point, and you swore you were going to black out from the glorious intensity. 

“D-d-” was what came out of your mouth. He knew what you were trying to say. 

“What is it, huh darlin’? What’s my baby need?” Suddenly his fingers were at your aching clit, rubbing short, sharp circles, and you jolted against him like a live wire, pussy clamping around him. “Oh, that’s what you needed. Poor thing, Daddy was neglecting that sweet little clit. I’m sorry.” 

He kissed you, swallowing your cries as he pumped his hips in time with his fingers at your clit. That, paired with his free hand still around your throat, you knew you were a goner. 

“Go-gonna c-c-come! Please D-Daddy can I–”

But you didn’t even have to ask. “Come.” 

And you did. You tried to scream, but it died in your throat. Instead, your mouth opened, but no sound came out. Rhett stayed close, his forehead pressed to yours as you fell apart around his pistoning cock. 

You were free-falling, plunged straight into the depths of an orgasm so fiery and all-consuming that you lost yourself to it. You were not of yourself. You were on an entirely different plane of existence, vibrating with crackling electricity, as if you were a bolt of lightning flashing through the sky. 

The molten heat surged through you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. And Rhett held you the entire time, your body trembling fiercely in his arms. 

It took some time to come back to yourself, and when you did, you found him gazing down at you, his eyes as clear blue as the sky above him. He let out a breathless laugh. “Hey there, darlin’. Welcome back to earth.” He’d slowed the movement of his hips just to let you recover. 

“I…wow,” was all you could say. 

“That was intense, huh?”

You nodded, your eyes watery. 

“You okay to keep goin’? Or do you need a break?”

“I-I think I’m…okay.”

But that didn’t convince him. “Look at Daddy.” You lifted your eyes to his gaze. “I need a for-sure answer. Can I keep goin’?”

“Yes,” you finally answered with confidence. “Wan’ you to keep going, please Daddy.”

He smiled softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Good girl, that’s all I needed.” Then he kissed you before he leaned back, pushing your knees toward your chest again. 

And just like that, the switch was flipped, and he slipped right back into that harsh dominance, as if it was a well-fitted glove.  Suddenly he seemed so much bigger above you, and you felt tiny. It made your heart sing. 

Slowly, he began to move within you again, and you whined, closing your eyes at the delicious stretch. Rhett leaned back to admire the sight of your pussy swallowing him whole, and the creamy ring of your cum that now decorated the base of his cock. 

He reached down, swiping his fingers against the base and gathering your slick before he brought those same fingers to your mouth, sliding them past your lips. “Tastes so good, don’t it?” He murmured lowly, and you nodded in agreement, eyes wide and watery, gazing up at him with such trust and adoration. 

He leaned in to kiss you, tasting your cum on your lips. He stayed close, wrapping your legs around your waist and pressing his chest to yours. He began to fuck you deep and slow, rutting into you. This allowed you to feel every inch, every spasm, everything. 

He caged you in with his big strong arms, protecting you from the word. You were so safe. So secure. Rhett would protect you from all harm. 

“You mind if Daddy fills y’ up, baby?”

“Please,” came your whisper. 

“Good. ‘Cause ‘m close.”

With his mouth against yours, he began to pick up the pace again. Quick but deep thrusts, cock battering that spot inside you that made your toes curl. It was inevitable that you’d come once more before he did, just by the way he had you feeling. A steady pressure had begun to build deep within the core of your being, and eventually, it would have to be released. 

Then his fingers were at your sensitive clit again and you were mewling into his open mouth. Stars danced in your eyes, on your skin. You felt like you were part of a glittering galaxy. 

Your arms found their place around your husband’s shoulders, and you held tightly to him as he went a little faster, a little deeper. Building and building and building. And you were already growing closer by the second. You knew your end was almost upon you. 

“Daddy!”

“Go ahead.”

This time, when you came, it flooded from you, soaking Rhett’s cock, dripping down beneath you onto the lounge cushion. It was his turn to have his eyes roll back in his head, and he fucked you through it. 

“Fuck, got this pussy squirtin’ all over me,” he hissed, slipping out of you to run the tip of his cock rapidly over your clit, prolonging your orgasm and making you cry out. 

Just as you came down, he slid back into your still-spasming cunt, grunting at the tightness that surrounded him. He gripped your thighs in his strong grasp and his focus shifted to chasing his release. 

Beneath him you were so far gone that all you could do was lay there and take it, still writhing in bliss, silent, pleasured tears falling. Your head was swimming, you felt as if you were floating through time and space. 

“Look at me,” Rhett’s lilted baritone filled your fuzzy head, and you opened your eyes, locking your gaze with his. “Gon’ fill your pretty pussy up. Want you to take it all like my good little darlin’.”

You nodded, eager to take his load. His movements quickened, hands clutching you tight as he thrust forward hard and fast. You held onto him to keep yourself grounded, body trembling, hovering on the brink of being too overstimulated to handle much more. 

And then, finally, you felt it. Rhett gasped, mouth falling open as his orgasm overwhelmed him. He kept his hips flush with yours, cock spasming within you, spilling the heat of his release into the deepest part of you. And you took it all gladly, body relaxing entirely at the feeling of him claiming you. You’d never tire of it. 

He gradually came down, his body falling limp above you, though he still kept himself from pressing his full body weight into you. His softening cock was still nestled inside you, and you wrapped your legs around his waist, hoping to keep him there a little longer. 

“M’ good girl,” he cooed down at you. “Took that so well.”

You smiled dreamily up at him. You didn’t quite have the wherewithal to speak, but that was okay. He didn’t need you to speak. Gingerly, he moved to slip out of you, but you whined in protest, not wanting to part from him. 

“Y’ gotta let me go, honey. Can’t stay like this forever.”

“W-want you close,” you whispered. 

“I know, and you can have me. But I gotta get you cleaned up first. And it’s gettin’ hotter by the minute, I ain’t about to let my pretty little gal get heatstroke on my account.”

He kissed you sweetly as he pulled his hips back, shushing your cries. You hated the initial empty feeling, especially when you were feeling fragile like this. But Rhett was quick to soothe you. 

“Up ya go.” He lifted you to your feet, and you wobbled a little, still woozy. He secured a steady arm around you and guided you back into the house. 

It was much cooler inside, and it felt good on your heated skin. However, you hardly even registered what was taking place, you were still feeling floaty. But Rhett had it handled. 

He guided you upstairs, where he made sure you used the bathroom and took a quick shower just to rinse off. You didn’t have to make any of the decisions for yourself, because he did it for you, knowing you couldn’t handle trying to clean up by yourself. You needed this form of aftercare for your own well-being. 

A little while later, you were clean, and dressed in one of his old rodeo t-shirts. You felt a little more like yourself, albeit a little fuzzy. Rhett had just finished helping you put lotion on your legs, and he was smiling up at you from where he knelt on the floor. 

“I’ll bet you’re hungry after all that work,” he teased. 

You hummed sleepily. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“How do some blueberry pancakes sound for my little darlin’?”

It was your turn to smile. “Sounds so good.”

“Alright then, let’s head on downstairs. You’re also gon’ drink yourself a nice glass of water while you’re waitin’ for your food. Ain’t gonna have you dehydratin’ on me.”

You hummed in agreement and allowed him to lead you out of the bedroom and back downstairs. He kissed the top of your head as you went, and you sighed happily, feeling at peace. 

You were led to the kitchen, where you sat at the round table and waited for your husband to prepare your breakfast. As promised, he slid a glass of water in front of you and encouraged you to drink it. You sipped on it as you watched him move about the kitchen, and you couldn’t help but marvel at how good you had it. 

Spending the morning being fucked by the pool, and having breakfast made for you? The old you could never have imagined this would be the case. You were eternally grateful that life had given you a second chance and allowed this man to come to your rescue when you needed him most. 

You had faced a lot of adversity in your life, but now, it all seemed worth it, because it led you here. 

Rhett truly was your saving grace. The yin to your yang. The moon to your stars. He was your million dollar man, and you wouldn’t trade him, or his love, for anything else in the world. 

-

tagging those who might be interested (if you liked/reblogged any of my mdm promotional posts, i tagged you lol)

@eternallyvenus @up-thereinthesky @antiquitea @cdauni @coffeewithcal @rhettabbotts @combat-sixty-three @karma-is-my-girlfrined @blitchenslibrary @whoeverineedtobe @l-ynsdove @ravenmoore14 @virgo-wonder @sugarcoated-lame @sebsxphia @peachystenbrough @laracrofted @bradshawsbitch @damrlova @randomfandomgirl97 @bobfloyds @beepitybeepboop @buckys-estrella @callsign-magnolia @sunblchdfly @wkndwlff @withahappyrefrain @creatchie8 @topgun-imagines @lovinglyeternal @bobfloydsbabe

[foodffs]

Million Dollar Dip Recipe takes less than ten minutes to make, and it is a taste explosion with crisp bacon bits, slivered almonds, sharp cheddar cheese, and green onions. It is always a crowd-pleasing appetizer and one of the first ones to go. 

[seokminfilm]

aftermath (act two) | lee seokmin

part: 2 of 3 (part 1 here) | warnings & playlist are mentioned in part 1

word count: 2.1k words (lord bless)

Seokmin was starting to think he was incredibly drunk on something or finally going insane, but he couldn't stop watching you as you slept on his couch, face pressed into his silky white pillow as drool fell from the side of your pretty, parted lips.

It wasn't like him to wake up early on the weekends, but here he was, sitting in silence with nothing but a pair of sweatpants on as he watched you fast asleep on his couch. He was worried about you overnight, even going as far as to wake up from his own sleep to quietly make his way downstairs and check on you, adjusting the thermostat or covering you up if you were to push your blankets off of you.

Seokmin was caring too much, and he knew it. He cringed at himself as he watched the sun start to peak out from the clouds, basking your sleeping face in a warm glow. Even though you looked like you had fought a ghost in your sleep, your hair was delicately spewed over the pillow, falling in waves down the side of your face.

As the sunlight hit your eyes just right, you squinted them open, taking in your surroundings before you sit up in a jolt, surprised. You had forgotten that you had accidently crashed at MLB's star pitcher Lee Seokmin's million-dollar apartment for the night.

Not mentioning that you didn't actually mean to do it, either.

You slowly scanned the room, too surprised and embarrassed to take in the beautiful view or sleek white that was the pristine living room you were sleeping in.

"Good morning." Seokmin said softly, and you nodded, averting your eyes to the warm, white blanket on top of you. ".....Oh, um—Good morning." You replied back, and Seokmin stood up moments later, cracking his neck without flinching as he made his way to the kitchen.

Your eyes traced over Seokmin's back as he walked, taking note of his broad shoulders, study, muscled arms, and sculpted waist. He really took time to work on himself, and you could see it more and more as you watched him.

"Are you uh—are you gonna stay for breakfast?" Seokmin asked awkwardly, pulling out a pan from a cabinet as he opened the fridge door.

This was so weird—you had (somehow) found your way into a popular celebrity's apartment, and not only was he not being rude to you or making you feel lower than him, but letting you spend the night, sleep on his couch, and offering to make you breakfast. Seokmin wasn't like the other self-centered celebrities you had heard about before—he was down-to-earth, real about what he said and did. It was admirable to you.

You were attracted to that, you wouldn't lie. Lee Seokmin wasn't just a good looking baseball player with raw pitching talent, but an admirable person with a strong and dominant, yet sweet disposition.

"If not, you're free to go. I don't mind." Seokmin had added, and you remembered what he asked you, clearing your throat as you nodded shyly. "No, no—I can....I can stay."

Seokmin let out a quiet sigh of relief, surprising himself in the process. Why? He had a faint idea as to why, but didn't want to say it to himself or even think it to himself. That was the furthest thing away from the truth. There's no way that could be the reason. Right?

After twenty minutes of stiff chatting from you and Seokmin, the food is ready, and you sit on the couch, trying not to gorge yourself on the delicious eggs and bacon lying in front of you. Seokmin watches you as you eat, biting back a smile as he senses you trying to hold back.

"You can eat however, okay? I'm not going to judge you." Seokmin let out a little chuckle, and you looked up at him, deflating a bit as you matched his laugh and you took a bite of egg.

Not only was Lee Seokmin sculpted by the gods, with his sharp features and strong body—but a great facial expression reader.

"I'm sorry if I came off as weird yesterday for asking you stay the night with me. I had no intentions of doing anything..." Seokmin trails off, face betraying him as his cheeks start to warm you. You stare at him, slowly but surely getting the memo as he continues. "Anything that you wouldn't want to do. I just, shit, I—"

"—don't want to be alone." You finish for him, remembering what he had said last night. Seokmin nods once, looking back down at his nearly finished plate. "Yeah...uh, yeah."

You shake your head, looking up from your plate as you meet his gaze. "No, it's okay. You didn't come off weird at all."

"You're a really bad liar." Seokmin jeers playfully, and you can't help but laugh, nodding as you tuck your hair behind your ear. "Ouch."

The table falls quiet again as the scraping of plates can be heard, and you finish your plate, fork down as you look at Seokmin. He's on his phone, frown evident as his eyes scan something. You've never seen him frown before, at least in the time you've known him (that being a singular night), but you could automatically tell you hated it.

"Hey, what's wrong?" You ask, and Seokmin looks up at you, eyes hard as he doesn't say anything for a while. The air around him is thick with a certain feeling you can't seem to describe, and it makes you feel small, insignificant to him. "Ah, I'm—I'm sorry. It's not my business."

"No, no." Seokmin says hurriedly, phone hitting the glass table as a heavy quietness filles the dining room. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." Seokmin lies straight through his teeth to you, and you don't catch on, nodding as you finish your cup of water.

The thing that "wasn't your business" was a text from Seokmin's PR manager. He was due at a photoshoot almost thirt minutes ago, and she was livid that he wasn't ready to be dressed and filming the video ad.

Seokmin didn't want to go—there were a million other things he could be doing rather than sitting in a stiff chair for hours on end as staff spent their time doing nothing but retouching the smallest little smudges of his makeup and hair while Seokmin was stuck posing endlessly for a tiny, four-page spread.

He had never skipped out on something planned like this, but he was going to do it now. He deserved to feel good for once—free, unbound by any time-constricting schedules that he wasn't interested in.

"Are you doing anything important today?" Seokmin asks, standing up as he takes his plate from his seating spot. He walks over to you as well, cologne wafting over you as your plate is stacked on top of his. "No?" You answer, although it sounds like a question—what is going on? Why is Seokmin so invested in you? It wasn't a bad thing, necessarily, but you were beyond confused and surprised.

"Do you want to—uh, wanna stay over for the day? I mean—I don't have anything better to do, and I still don't want to be alone." Seokmin couldn't believe the words coming from his mouth, but he couldn't stop talking. You were making him nervous.

"Seokmin...." Boy, were you getting mixed signals from this guy. He had just met you yesterday, and here he was, asking you to stay the day and keep him company. It was a miracle you had come into his apartment, and now he wanted you to stay longer?

You didn't want to believe it, but your gullible, love-sick heart sat there thinking this was a sign that he was into you. There were so many things that screamed absolutely not, some being the fact you and him just met yesterday night, every conversation you have had with him was a mess of awkward sentences, and the simple fact he was a celebrity, for God's sakes.

"Sure. Why not?" You shrug, and Seokmin smiles, eyes lingering on your body for a bit longer than usual before he makes his way to the sink. You squirm in your seat, chest on fire as you watch him scrub away at the dishes. What was this feeling burning deep in your chest? Why were you feeling it now, while being with Seokmin?

"And that's how I got that knot on my head." Seokmin chuckles as you run your finger over the picture in the photobook. His eyes glance at you as he gages your reaction, and he feels his heart jump a little when your hand brushes against his.

One thing led to another, and here you were, sitting on Seokmin's bed as you looked through photo albums he had stashed away in his scarily neat closet. You would have never thought you've been able to say that you've sat in a celebrity's bed before and looked at their baby pictures, but here you were.

"It looks painful." You muse, noticing how Seokmin's eyes still squint like they do now, when he laughs. "I mean, you're crying," You laugh, and Seokmin just shakes his head, ghost of a smile on his lips as he answers with a simple, "It hurt back then, yeah."

You close the photobook, handing it back to him as he takes the rest of the stack you've already looked through and returned it back to its rightful place.

Seokmin shut the door to his walk-in closet, coming back to sit on the bed as you stared out the window, having a perfect view of the pristine pool down below. Seokmin's hands were sweaty, and his hands were clammy, but he couldn't stop the words that were bubbling through his chest and to his mouth.

"Would it be weird if I told you that I loved you?" And there it went. Seokmin had talked without thinking again, and threw you for a loop.

None of this was normal—you and Seokmin had created a bond over today, even if you started out as strangers just last night. He knew you now, and you knew him, as if you two had been long-lost friends who had just rekindled their old memories and started off again from where they had stopped before.

Seokmin had made himself more than just a popular, talented baseball player to you—he was just a normal person, having fears and struggles just as the rest of the human population did. He wasn't this untouchable, closed-off celebrity who just smiled and did everything perfect all the time. He was just like you—lost, confused, and alone, lacking in all the departments he thought he should have been ahead in.

"A little, yeah." You answered after a while of thinking, and Seokmin nodded, looking away as he let out a sigh. "Yeah, you're right. I'm—I'm sorry. I got caught up in the moment."

"Seokmin, I want to stay in this moment forever. With you." You muttered, and he turned back to you, eyes raking over you slowly as he took you all in. He looked at your sparkling eyes, warm cheeks, and small voice.

"As insane and ridiculous as this whole situation is, I think I love you, Seokmin." You whisper, and he moves towards you as you follow his lead, now just inches away from each other as he makes the first move. His hands are slow, slender fingers coming to move your hair from your face as he tucks it behind your ear.

Seokmin's too far into you to back out now, and he goes all the way, kissing you slow as you melt under him. All the tension between you two melts in the matter of a few seconds, and you cling to his shirt, sighing under him as his hands dance across your waist.

"I—fuck." Seokmin's words are beyond broken as he pulls away from you, and he doesn't even try to fix them, staring at you in your soft, breathless glory. You're still reeling from the kiss that just happened, mind somewhere else as your lips still tingle with the feeling.

"Are you still with me?" Seokmin questions softly, hand on your thigh as he looks at you with those eyes—those sharp, hungry ones you see when he's strategizing with his team or preparing to pitch.

"Yeah, I am," You breathe out, eyes meeting Seokmin's as you blush. You're in heaven, you think, because the feeling that you feel right now is something you'd never want to give up.

You'd never want to give Seokmin up.

But would he feel the same way about you?

feedback & reblogs are so so appreciated! let me know what you think lyrnation

[hornetstabber]

the wendys thing is so funny because im fairly confident the only reason uber/lyft/whatever can get away with surge pricing is because if someone needs to get somewhere they can't just say fuck it and not get a ride, but if someone is just grabbing food there are already 10 million other options available almost everywhere at any time. like i very much can say "oh the baconator is 3 dollars more expensive than usual right now, fuck that i'll just eat somewhere else"

[destinygoldenstar]

(Context: Zane has died for the dozenth time, but this time he wrote a will and testament for his family)

Wu: As the master of Zane’s estate, I have been empowered to read Zane’s last will and testament.

Kai: Well get on with it, the bars open soon.

Jay: Oh poor Zane! 😭

Nya: There there Jay…

Lloyd: FSM, how predictably boring.

Cole: I’ve never worked for a kinder ninjroid.

Wu: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading.

Lloyd: I knew it.

Kai: *snicker*

Wu: “I, Zane Julien, being of sound, mind, and body-“

Kai: That’s a laugh! 😆

Wu: “Do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows: To my overly emotional brother Jay-“

Jay: 😭

Nya: Jay dear, he’s talking about us.

Jay: Oh.

Wu: “Who grubbed with his girlfriend Nya, grubbed for everything they could get from me and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy…”

Jay: What?

Wu: “To Jay, I leave… A BOOT TO THE HEAD.”

Jay: A WHAT-?!

🥾

Jay: OW!!

Nya: Jay, are you okay?!

Wu: “And another boot to his wimpy girlfriend Nya.”

🥾

Nya: OW!

Kai: 😂

Jay: This is an outrage!

Wu: “Ah, but still, you are my friend. You’ve both admired my veichle collection and since I no longer need it-“

Jay: Oh, Zane! He’s too kind!

Wu: “I bequeath, ANOTHER boot to the head.”

Jay: Wha-?!

🥾

Kai: 😂

Wu: “And one more for the girl.”

🥾

Nya: OW!

Wu: “Next to my hot headed brother…”

Kai: Hey I don’t want no boot to the head!

Wu: “To dear Kai whose never chilled a day in his depressing life-“

Kai: I’m covering up my head!

Wu: “I leave my wine cellar and three crates of the finest bacon.”

Kai: …really?

Wu: “And a boot to the head.”

🥾

Wu: “And another for Jay and the girl.”

🥾

🥾

Wu: “Next, to my know it all brother Lloyd-“

Lloyd: This is so predictable.

Wu: "-I leave a boot to the head."

🥾

Lloyd: I knew it...

Wu: "And one for Jay and the girl."

🥾

🥾

Wu: "And now to Cole..."

Cole: Wha-?! I-I don't want nothing...

Wu: "Who took care of me faithfully these many, many years, who cared, made me laugh, shared some cake..."

Cole: Aw! I didn't mind!

Wu: "To Cole, I bequeath... a boot to the head."

🥾

Wu: "And one for Jay and the girl."

🥾

🥾

Wu: "And so, to my falcon companion, I leave my entire vast-boot to the head."

🥾

Wu: "And finally, to my sensei who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head, but a rabid ice devil to be placed in his trousers-?!"

❄️

Wu: 🥶UGH OH HAH HAH HAH And-and-"And I leave my entire estate of ten million dollars to the Formlings so they can afford to live somewhere warmer!"

Nya: ...is that it?

Lloyd: That's it?

Kai: That's disgraceful!

Wu: There's one last thing for everyone... 😓

Kai: Cover your heads everybody!

Wu: "I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream."

Nya: ...ice cream?

Kai: Ice cream?

Lloyd: Ice cream? That's all?

Wu: That's all.

Cole: But what flavor is it?

Wu: BOOT TO THE HEAD!

🥾

🥾

🥾

🥾

🥾

Based on The Frantic's "Boot To The Head" skit. I replaced some of the dialogue to make sense for the Ninjago world and characters. Look up the original skit, it's one of my favorites.

I have to wonder, if you've died multiple times and always came back, what would do to take advantage of that? Would you too troll your family?

[majorietaylorsversion]

monday mornings, with sirius

you need to go grocery shopping, and you drag sirius with you.

That Monday, you wake up to an almost empty fridge. In the hazy blue of the fridge light and the early morning sun, you peer through your drooping eyes to find half a bottle of milk, one egg, no bacon, and a sore scarcity of fresh fruit. You sigh. 

Your fluffy socks drag against the cold wooden floor as you head back to the bedroom. Even from the hallway, you can hear your boyfriend’s unusually loud breathing (bordering on full-on snoring, but Sirius insists he is only breathing noisily), and you peek around the door frame, eyeing the tangle of limbs that rest there. You bury a smile behind the back of your wrist. You can’t help it, it’s a Monday morning, and all you have to do today is go grocery shopping with your lovely boyfriend who Definitely Does Not Snore. 

You dodge the clothes dumped haphazardly on the floor as you make your way over to him, almost slipping, thanks to your very fluffy but slightly impractical socks. The light filters in through the curtains. You approach Sirius, his arms sprawling (elegantly, he would argue) above his head, the open window letting in enough of a breeze to gently whisk some locks of hair across his face. You’ve always liked his hair. Sirius puts a lot of time and effort into it, and the result is soft, luxurious curls you always want to run your hands through. 

You don’t resist the urge now, tenderly brushing some curls behind his ear and out of his face. In response, he (not so gently, but still tenderly) grabs your wrist, yanking you into his chest. You let out a yelp as you lose your balance and shoot forward into Sirius’ waiting arms. 

“Hey! That wasn’t very nice,” you tease, though you end up mumbling it into his neck as Sirius wraps his arms around you, firmly anchoring you to him. 

“You left me, pup, I don’t have to be nice to you.” His voice is still thick with sleep. It makes you smile even more. 

“I wanted to get up and make breakfast. I was being a good-” 

“If you were a proper good girl, you would’ve just stayed in bed with me. It’s only like, 8:30. Too early,” Sirius argues, and you roll your eyes. ‘Scuse you for being hungry. 

His hand moves to the back of your head, and you roll your eyes again, you know what move he’s going to pull next, you’ve been in this position too many times before. Very predictably, Sirius rolls both of you over, placing you in his haven of duvets and pillows, with his warm and abnormally large hands now cradling your face. He’s grinning at you, the early morning softening his signature smirk into one more tender, just for you. Sirius has a very lovely smile. 

“We’re out of food. We need to go grocery shopping.”  

“Sweetheart, you know I love you, but it’s too early.” 

“It is not too early! And even if you don’t like it, we still need food, and I’m not gonna wait around until it's ‘late enough’ for you to get out of bed. Besides, what are we gonna do? Order in? For breakfa-” You’re rudely cut off by Sirius’s hand clamping over your mouth. He’s laughing now, at you, at your silly too early morning rant, and you feel your cheeks heat. You try to hide your face in his hands. And fail. 

“Fine, fine, you’re right. We can’t order in on a Monday morning. We’ll go grocery shopping. You win, pretty girl.” He’s still looking at you, his hand still over your mouth. Still smiling his million dollar smile.  

-

After finally dragging your annoyingly lazy boyfriend out of bed and out of your apartment, you stand in the supermarket, peering at the different breakfast foods on display. Said boyfriend is being entirely unhelpful, his arms over your shoulders, his weight draping over you like a warm but heavy blanket. His curls tickle the skin of your neck, as he rests his head on his shoulders, next to yours. Sirius presses his cheek against yours, and you want to turn your head and kiss him. 

You really want to, but you don’t, because you haven’t brushed your teeth yet. Sirius doesn’t mind, he’s told you a million times, but still, it's just one of those things you can’t get over. You sigh instead. 

“What’s wrong, bunny,” he asks, “don’t you like Fruit Loops?” 

“Maybe I could get, like eggs and stuff, make pancakes? Or something.” You trail off, thinking, thinking what would feel better this morning. It's so nice and ordinary, you don’t want to waste it. 

Sirius tightens his arms around you. 

“We can do that, bub, but you make terrible pancakes. I suppose I’ll have to make them.” You’re shrugging out of his hold before he finishes speaking, his laughter trailing you as you walk down the aisle, away from him. You head the eggs without waiting for him to catch up. 

“I’m kidding, puppy, I’m kidding,” Sirius says as he catches up to you. You pretend not to hear him, but he’s impossible to ignore as he wraps a steady arm around you, leaning down to kiss your forehead. 

“I know, you're joking, because there’s absolutely no way you think you make better pancakes than me. I can’t believe you went there.” You keep your eyes forward as he stands next to you, his embrace warm, but you're smiling. You know he’s smiling too. 

“It’s alright, love, you can admit you make below average pancakes. You can admit mine are better, I won’t make fun of you.” Sirius reaches forward and grabs the eggs off the shelf for you, just as you go to move. “Maybe I can even give you some pointers? Y’know, so maybe one day you might actually make some good ones.” 

“Oh, definitely not. You insult my cooking and I’m not making another thing for you. Ever. I hope you starve.” 

“Aw, babe, you wound me.” 

“Good.” 

-

Sirius makes both of you pancakes. While you may slightly prefer the way you do them, he comes a close second. A very close second. You sit in bed together and eat them, trying not to get crumbs on the blankets while you cuddle up next to each other. He manages to kiss you before you can brush your teeth. 

It’s a Monday morning, and you’ve got all the time in the world.

-

i have officially discovered a new hobby!! writing fanfic!! go me!!

[dearabby1990]

Chapter 48: Friendly Free day

The sound of the alarm is what wakes you from your peaceful sleep after you smack the snooze button all you’re met with is the sound of the beautiful birds & ocean outside but notice you feel something missing. Rolling over you notice your husband isn’t in bed so sitting up & slipping into your fuzzy slippers you start to poke your head around to see where he could’ve went off to. Nowhere to be found you start to worry just as your getting ready to get dressed & look for him you hear the door unlocking & in enters your gorgeous husband with a few platters of food & that million dollar smile “mornin sunshine got us some breakfast I was hoping you get back before you got up but seeing your gorgeous face waiting at the door is way better anyway” you smile “you scared me you ass hat I rolled over & looked around & poof gone I should beat you but you have food so that’s a start” he chuckles “you love me too much to hurt me princess besides I have your favorite”. Both of you sitting down in the kitchen area opening your containers to see French toast & bacon you haven’t felt so hungry in your life Eddie seems to have ordered the same you both dig into your food enjoying every bite “I’m surprised you haven’t been getting sick or anything or have you?” Shaking your head “nah just get sleepy sometimes & really hungry other then that I’ve been fine” “hmm maybe that’s a good thing” “maybe we’ll check on everything when we get home”. You both are getting ready & you’ve handed Eddie the passes him & the guys need to go do their water activities. “You’re gonna have so much fun baby I want you to have a ball I know we will in our own way im taking them down to the beach I got the three of them boogie boards & when they’re all done we’re gonna go get dinner & ice cream you guys don’t forget your reservation at the pub is at 7pm don’t be late the address is in the envelope I gave you I love you so much have fun & we’ll meet at the arcade at 10” “thank you princess you’re amazing I love you too & okay 10 sharp you got it” a swat to your ass & wink as he finishes getting dressed & you pack a beach bag for you & the boys Eddie’s out the door & you have a little time to kill. Deciding on just going to check on the boys you grab all your beach gear & head out the door. Heading to Gareth’s room you hear the sound of muffled bickering upon approaching the door you could hear more clearly it was your three favorite knuckleheads having some sort of discussion. Dustin is who you hear first with your arrival outside their door “It’s not stupid!! She could really use this I didn’t see you two idiots have anything bright to say when it came time to pick something besides do you have something better?!” Mike buts in “No but I can guarantee you whatever I do get them is better then whatever the hell that’s even supposed to be!” “Yeah what the hell even is that?! It looked like a dyed potato sack” Lucas added you’re full on laughing while knocking on the door “let me in boys I need to go to the bathroom already!” You hear them all bumbling over each other to the door as it swings open and all three of them are smiling at you helping you in. “What the heck are you all arguing about? Hold that thought I’ll be right back”. Dustin looks at Mike & Lucas “she must’ve heard us” “no way we’re weren’t that loud were we?” You come out of the restroom “you are all extremely loud but that’s okay” you chuckle “now what’s the dilemma?” Dustin steps forward with his head low & face red “uh we all kinda want to get the baby something but they were saying what I picked was stupid” you furrow your brows “I doubt it’s stupid dustin you’re one of the most thoughtful people I know” you Pat his shoulder giving him some reassurance before he hands you a small yellow gift bag looking inside you pull out the fabric to inspect your gift he’s so sweet a baby carrier tie dyed in pastel colors with straps to adjust to your chest your heart warms at the gesture “thank you i love it it’s definitely going to come in handy when I’m busy & my hands are full” you give him a hug.

“what exactly is it?” Mike asks “it’s a baby carrier see these two little holes they’re for the babies legs & I strap it to my chest so the baby is secure & I have my hands free to do other stuff i need to get done” Mike & Lucas stare at each other & shake their heads in understanding as you finish packing up the wagon full of beach supplies & lunch for you all. “Okay guys we have sandwiches chips sodas & mini brownies packed for lunch we’ll figure dinner out later after we come back & change now let’s get going one of you please pull the wagon & I got you guys boogie boards to go out and play in the water & a beach ball & football just in case now let’s get movin” Lucas runs to grab the wagon as dustin & Mike take turns opening doors on your way outside. Traveling down to your cabana rental you set up everyone’s towels & begin setting up lunch for everyone “okay guys we’re gonna eat but no water for at least 30 minutes so you guys can play on the sand or something for awhile after that go wild but not before I apply sunblock “Yes Mom” Mike says while snickering “Hey watch it wheeler I may be pregnant but I’ll still put you in a headlock & kick your butt I’m not that damn old I’m only 21” they all giggle as you set up lunch on a picnic blanket & set up everyone’s towels in the cabana on their chairs “okay guys let’s dig in me & the baby are starving” you all enjoy playful conversation picking on each other & laughing until Mike & Lucas offer to clean up the lunch mess leaving you sitting with Dustin relaxing in the sun “so???.. how’s everything been? I feel like we don’t get a lot of brother sister time I wanted to check in” “just worried about what high school is gonna be like with half of hellfire gone we’re probably gonna end up in the trash can or a locker since Eddie’s gone now” your eyes soften at his statement “dustin if I tell you a secret do you promise not to tell a soul?” He nods “yeah I swear!” “Eddie is passing his torch to you in the realm that is Hawkins high so it’s up to you to carry the legacy & find someone that has what it takes to keep it going of course when you guys play at my place he’s got his old position but it’s all up to you now & you’re gonna have an amazing experience dustin I promise you & anyone who messes with my little brother has to go through me & you know they’d have to get through Eddie first” you both laugh “you really are the best you know that?” You shake your head “ nah I just protect the ones I love & care about & always will” “that’s what makes you the best” with that he pulls you into a side hug & you squeeze him back just as the boys get back from throwing out the trash. “Okay boys go have fun no water for 25 minutes got it?! I’ve been counting!!” You yell as they take off with the beach ball playing with it at the volleyball net making you chuckle as you put on your sunglasses & noticed you forgot something “hey sunblock now get back here you three!” The whine & complain the entire time especially when you get to their faces “oh come on the nose really I’m gonna look like a ducks dork” “come down dweeb you’ll live now go have fun gilligan” Mike huffs as they walk off back to where they previously were while you pull out your book & lay back relaxing & getting lost in the story. After about an hour of the boys playing at the volleyball net they ran back to the cabana to get something to drink & grab their boogie boards Lucas turns to you “hey Jamie wanna goto the water with us?” “Sure bud just give me a second I’ll catch up go ahead” they nod walking across the hot sand your just in your bathing suit now really seeing your belly in your two piece now that there isn’t a shirt covering it you start to feel gross trying to hide it as you walk up to the boys & Mike notices how uncomfortable you look & his face softens at your body language “hey you okay?” “Uh yeah I think?” He comes over to you wrapping you in a hug as you get a bit emotional

“I’m sorry guys I’m a party pooper” “no you’re not” says Lucas Mike squeezes a little tighter “& you don’t have to cover yourself pregnant or not you’re absolutely gorgeous even when you don’t try I wouldn’t lie to you now come on let’s go have fun yeah?” You nod & all walk dipping your toes in the crystal blue water “it’s so beautiful here” as you finish you see something off in the distance & when you realize what it is you start to lose it full belly laughing “what the hell are you alright?” You pointed upwards & when they turn to see what you’re looking at in the distance is a small white boat gliding across the ocean pulling Eddie & gareth on a parasail & you all laugh together & wave trying to get their attention eventually they see you all & wave back “that looks crazy I don’t know if I’d do that I’m scared of sharks” “yeah me too” says dustin & Lucas “maybe next time guys when I’m not with child” you giggle the boys go off playing burning up all their energy against the waves until you all head back to pack up & get changed “that was so fun I hope we can do another beach day before we leave” mikes still a bit hyper tugging the wagon along “oh most definitely we’re gonna do that our last day here but let’s get back get changed & figure out what we’re doing for dinner” the boys nodded while you all made your way back to the hotel. Entering your room you throw your wet bathing suit in the dirty laundry & step into the shower to rid yourself of any sand or salt water left behind from today’s activities stepping out into a fluffy towel & going through your luggage pulling out one of the sundresses Eddie picked out for you all black with silver straps & a pair of black wedges leaving your hair down opting out to just blow drying it & putting a beautiful Cherokee rose hair clip in your hair. Spraying on a bit of perfume as you her a quiet knock at the door. Grabbing your bag you open the door to all three boys dressed very nicely is button up short sleeve shirts & nice slacks their hair neatly done & noticing that they all put on cologne of some sort Lucas is the first to speak “Good evening mam we’re here to escort you to dinner” you giggle “why thank you gentlemen lead the way” heading out you decided to let the boys pick little did you know they went ahead & made a surprise reservation Mike walks to the waitstaff “Excuse me we have a reservation for wheeler/Sinclair/Henderson” you’re laughing & dustin turns to you “what? We couldn’t decide what name to leave it under so we just all did” “it’s fine I think it’s adorable” leading to the table mike pulls out your chair & helps push you to the table “well we did one of those present 5 course things” your were extremely thankful beings you’re starving again already “thank you boys this is very sweet of you” “no thank you for bringing us with & letting us all have an adventure together” Lucas adds drinks come to the table & dustin raises his glass “to family no matter how close or how far the bonds we forged are unbreakable & the love we have for each other is infinite” “here here” the boys along with you raised your glasses with Dustin’s as you begin to get emotional “to family”.

[ominous-faechild]

✦ Incorrect Quotes Tag ✦

Note: this was literally started August 8th. I just... haven't touched it since. WITH THAT SAID— ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Thanks for the tags, @the-golden-comet (X) and @mysticstarlightduck (X)!

Rules: Use this generator to get incorrect quotes for your characters!

SUN AND SHADOW

Freya: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Freya: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

Freya: I’m bisexual and confused. Freya: Not at the fact that I’m a bisexual, I just never know what the FUCK is going on.

Marlon: You remind me of the ocean. Freya: Because I'm deep and mysterious? Marlon: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Daleira: That was so hot, Freya. Freya: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. Daleira: I'm so in love with you.

Freya: Where’s Crow? Daleira: Around. Freya: Around? Freya: You don’t have any idea, do you? Crow, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

Freya, looking at a selfie of Crow's: I hate this photo. Crow: I’m cute as fuck in that photo! I’m smiling kindly. Freya: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something. Crow: Up to kindness.

Crow: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you. Crow: Ask me to kill for you. Freya: ...First of all, calm down-

Freya: You're not my friend anymore. Crow: I was your friend?

Crow: Wait you like me? For my personality? Freya: I know, I was surprised too.

Crow: *About to do something incredibly stupid* Freya: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

*Daleira sneezes* Freya: Daleira, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby! *Crow sneezes* Freya: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

Crow: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning. Freya: This is a lie. Freya: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie. Freya: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Crow: I don't want to fight you! Freya: I wouldn't want you to fight me either!

Freya: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying. Crow: And? Freya: And you are.

Freya: Did you have to stab them? Crow: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me. Freya: What did they say? Crow: "What are you going to do, stab me?" Freya: That’s fair.

Crow: Daleira likes to say ‘you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,’ but I happen to believe you can be both.

Crow: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed. Daleira: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Crow!

Daleira: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Ponderosa: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Daleira: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Crow: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...

Daleira: Do you think I’m ugly? Crow: It’s not about looks, Daleira. What’s valuable is on the inside... Daleira: Crow... Crow: For example, someone's heart. Daleira: Aw... Stop it- Crow: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know. Daleira: Seriously, stop.

Daleira: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute. Crow: Daleira, that’s gay. Daleira: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

Maritza: Ooh, somebody has a crush Freya: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Crow, I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. *Later that night* Freya, very much awake: Uh oh.

Valyarus: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

Maritza: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all? Valyarus: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

Daleira, staring at Ponderosa in a cage: ...Why are they in a cage? Valyarus: Because it growled at me.

Valyarus: Alright, listen up you little shits. Valyar: Not you, Dally. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

Valyarus: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Crow: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Crow: Don’t worry, I have a permit. Valyarus: ...This just says “I can do what I want”.

Maritza: You’re alive. Marlon: No need to sound so disappointed.

Daleira: You’re not gonna shoot a puppy, are you, Marlon!? Marlon: Yeah, in the face, why?

Marlon: I don't dab. I stab.

*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered* Crow: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone whose life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer? Valyarus: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine. Ponderosa: What about Maritza? Nobody ever suspects Maritza! Maritza: Well, what about Marlon? He has a gun! Marlon: Crow has a knife. Crow: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Ponderosa in the arm*

Ponderosa: Onion rings are vegetable donuts. Freya, used to Ponderosa being dumb: Sure... Ponderosa: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed. Freya: Okay? Ponderosa: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake. Freya: Ponderosa: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio- Freya: Jesus, that one is a little- Marlon, interested: No, no, Ponderosa, keep going.

Crow: I am darkness. I am a power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am- Daleira: A doll. Freya: A cinnamon roll. Maritza: A sweetheart. Crow: Crow: ... stop it.

Daleira: Where’s Crow? Freya: Doing stuff. Daleira: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Marlon? Freya: Trying to stop Crow from doing the stuff. Daleira: And Ponderosa? Freya: Trying to stop Marlon from stopping Crow from doing the stuff. Daleira: I see. And what are you doing here, Freya? Freya: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Ponderosa from stopping Marlon from stopping Crow from doing the stuff.

THE ARCANE RIFTS

Gene: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Tazin made me get tested.

Gene: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large trucks. (to be fair that's a LOT of my characters tho I'm ngl...)

Tazin: *closes a cabinet* *a crash is heard behind the cabinet door* Gene: What was that? Tazin: The sound of someone else's problem.

Rada: Something tells me Tazin's going to be a bit more unhinged today... Tazin, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Gene isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

Gene: What's gone wrong, Tazin? Tazin: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis. Gene: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling? Tazin: Well... There’s a crisis.

Gene: I have a bad feeling about this, guys. Ludmila: Oh don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Tazin: Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen? Gene, being bailed out of jail the next morning: I hate you all.

Gene: Why are you smiling? Tazin: What? I can’t just be happy? Ludmila: Mislav tripped and fell in the parking lot.

*Tazin gets a phone call* Tazin: Hello? Gene: Hi, is Mislav there? I need to talk to him. Tazin: No, Mislav is dead. Mislav, very much alive next to Tazin: TAZIN WHAT THE FUCK-

Mislav: Any idiot would know that. Tazin: I knew that! Mislav: See?

Adilzhan: We have a problem. Gene: Let me guess, you caused it? Ivan: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet. Ludmila: And it's another Tuesday, your point? Mislav: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up. Tazin: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.

Tazin: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me? Alyona: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to? Gene: And you just ran away?! Tazin: I didn't expect her to flirt back!

Rada: To be honest, I'm kinda pissed that I'm not asleep in bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my vegetable garden.

Nikolai, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often? Damaris, confused: I mean, this is my house, so yeah.

Gene: Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with. Caspar, referring to himself and Gennadi: Even us? Gene: Especially you guys. Gennadi: Caspar: Gennadi: Petition to kick Gene out so he stops insulting us. Caspar: Seconded.

Dimitry, Entering Gene's room: Tazin did it again. Gene: Peace disturbance? Dimitry: What no- Gene: Arson..? Dimitry: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY- Gene: uh....Attempted murder? Dimitry: NO, HE ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Dimitry: How long do you reckon it’ll be until Gene finally snaps and commits murder? Rada: I’ve been going through life assuming it’s already happened at some point and it’s just that no one was ever able to trace it back to him.

Tazin: Thank God you were there. Dimitry. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die. Dimitry: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead. Tazin: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.

Misc that I inserted the characters into because they were too perfect:

Dalma, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day? Torcaiz: … Torcaiz: What’s in the box? Dalma: What woul- Torcaiz: Dalma, what’s in the box? Dalma: I think you know.

Elazi: Roman, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight? Roman: Raise the dead. Elazi: And what did you do? Roman: Raise the dead.

Kieva: I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation or something. Sammy: *laughs* Book recommendation? I can’t read!

Kieva: Father, I have sinned. Tián: Daddy, I’ve been naughty.

Fate: Chaos, wake up! Chaos, half asleep: Five more minutes… Fate: You’ve been in a coma for two years! Chaos: … Chaos: Okay, two more minutes…

Storm: Murder literally doesn’t hurt anyone! Ice: What are you talking about? Of course— Earth, holding out a hand to shut Ice up: No, no, they have a point—

I... changed the colors to match the modern versions, but besides that and the title headers?

This thing is EXACTLY how I'd left it all those months ago.

Idek why I've procrastinated in posting it for so long.

Taglist: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue

Dividers by @saradika

[fanficfindereks]

Losers on Twitter- dick tozier ✔trashmouth sooo tonight at 5am eddie found me eating his cereal and I’m scared

Eddie Tozier ✔ EddieTozier On an unrelated note is anyone looking for a freakishly tall comedian who makes dick jokes all the time because there’s one in my living room for some reason and I’m trying to get rid of him

Beverly Marsh ✔ bevmarsh I’m really not interested but I’m curious how much would you sell him for

Eddie Tozier ✔ EddieTozier I’ll give u ten dollars if you take him

Big Bill ✔ billdenbrough thats… definitely not how selling works eddie

Archive of our own

love is the thing with wings (tweet tweet, richie)-

no · raisedbyparrots• 5 h

stuck in the window seat beside a sad tall dude who has 85 elbows somehow, thank god this is a short flight

this is interesting- he's writing a text message LOVE CONFESSION and is concentrating so hard on it that I don't think he's noticed me reading every word 👀

Love interest is named EDDIE, and he has a WIFE #planemanloveseddie

Archive of our Own

no spoilers-

twitter au if all the losers were famous

francis bacon birdman

OK WAS ANYONE GONNA TELL

ME bevmarsh IS DATING INTERNET

ICON benhanscom OR WAS I JUST

SUPPOSED TO SEE A PHOTO OF THEM

HOLDING HANDS ON TWITTER MYSELF????

     borsdom ronman

idk who is the luckier one of the pair tbh…

          beverly marsh ✔️bevmarsh

me

          ben hanscom ✔️ benhanscom

me

Archive of our Own

Proud Eddie- Richie tweets a picture of Eddie to promote his standup tour. The internet does its thing.- archive of our Own

Buzzfeed Celeb: Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak take the Relationship Test-

Richie Tozier and Eddie Kasprak take the Relationship Test Buzzfeed Celeb 5.3 Million Views                                 80K likes | 3K dislikes 4,561 Comments

Richie Tozier ("Richie Tozier: Coming Clean") and Eddie Kaspbrak stop by to put their relationship to the test and see who knows more about their partner...and to maybe casually reveal their deepest fears along the way. - Archive of our Own

[indnwitch]

Vegan/Vegetarian shopping list:

Pre Made salad bags (it’s a lot cheaper to just buy bagged salad and add to it, then buying a bunch of ingredients that will go bad if not used)

Make a list of fruits and vegetables that you like and get them (some times if you get the funky shaped ones you get a few cents off, even if you don’t that stops the funky shaped produce from being tossed)

Nut butters (most almond and peanut butters are vegan, jelly and Jams aren’t because they’re made with gelatin)

Bread, check the ingredients because a lot of breads are accidentally vegan/vegetarian ( Vegetarian/Vegan (link) Sandwiches will be your best friend)

Pasta (like bread a lot of pasta is accidentally vegan, CHECK THE INGREDIENTS)

Rice and beans are some of the cheapest things to buy, buy them dry and you can have them for a while in your pantry

Google vegan ramen, (if you’re like me and love spicy ramen then you’ll be happy to know Samyang 2x spicy hot chicken flavor Ramen in the red pack is VEGAN they use artificial chicken flavor rather then animal products. Vegan Kimchi regular and spicy is a lot easier to find then you may think just look for ones without fish sauce and shrimp)

Tofu (tofu is very versatile and it’s great source of vegan/vegetarian protein made from soy, it takes flavor beautifully and it’s relatively cheap firm/extra firm is best)

Cheese (there are so many vegan cheese options, for grated parmigiana follow your heart has both grated and shredded, Violife has a block. Violife has the best shredded substitutes, and singles. Daiya is a little weird in my opinion however they’re cheddar dairy free Mac and cheese is amazing (you just gotta use different pasta then it comes with)

Meat substitutes ( We’ve come a long way with decent vegan meat substitutes, beyond meat makes a whole variety of plant based meat substitutes that are very tasty especially if you’re still craving that meaty texture. Impossible meat substitutes also has amazing plant based meat substitutes, Impossible also has vegan chicken nuggets that tastes like McDonald’s and even have dino shaped ones. Light life has everything from vegan sausage crumbles to Bacon, the vegan bacon and hot dogs are amazing)

Eggs (just egg and simply egg are planted based substitutes for eggs, they’re liquid like an egg beater but can be used in place of eggs from a scramble to a baking ingredient)

Dairy (Vegan milk/coffee creamer you got options coconut, almond, soy, oat, pea protein. Pick what you like best. Personally California farms Oat milk in original and California farms oat vanilla creamer are my favorites. I’ll throw cream cheese and Yogurt in here as well Kite Hill regular and Strawberry cream cheese are my favorite, Kite Hill blue berry, and Strawberry vegan yogurt are my favorite. MIYOKO’S vegan butter)

Snacks (Lenny and Larry’s plant based chocolate chip cookies, Spudsy sweet potato puffs they have a million different flavors I like the hot fries. Vegan rob’s dragon puffs these are the vegan equivalent to hot Cheeto puffs but without the red dye 40. Vegan rob’s also has cheese puffs)

Sauces (Anne’s goddess dressing is very tangy, Diaya blue cheese and Caesar dressings are amazing, can be thick though, they also have ranch but I got a vegan homemade ranch recipe. Hot sauce, Franks, Cholula, Tabasco, and Tapatío are vegan. Ketchup& mustard are vegan. Hellmans and follow your heart have vegan mayonnaise,Sir Kingston’s and Follow your heart also have chipotle Mayo. Follow your heart also has vegan sour cream)

Seasonings (seasons you should have in your cabinet click here, the dollar tree sells all these for a dollar and most grocery stores sell adobo)

[how-to-fail-at-ship-jumping-au]

Op. the million dollar question.

would you rather have unlimited bacon, but no games?

Or games. Unlimited games. but no games?

-‼️

I'm starting to think this question is a reference to something. I know this is the second time it's been asked.