#might throw together a quick one shot later…..who knows…..

[hana-bobo-finch]

now’s a good time to post another exciting image of Leif Uses His Cordyceps To Pretend He’s Santa

[punkshort]

i know who you are | 3. the accident

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You and Joel spend some time getting to know each other, but during dinner with Tommy and Maria, the truth comes out about your accident.

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, pining, sad!Joel, amnesia, slow burn, mild description of head wound/stitches, flirting, clickers, violence and some descriptions of injuries/blood

WC: 10.4K

Series Masterlist

Two Weeks Later

"This place is a lot bigger than I thought. I feel like I see someone new every day."

"Well, your brain did a factory reset, so you kind of are seeing new people every day," Ellie joked at breakfast one morning. Joel had been scheduled on early morning patrol shifts lately, so it was just the two of you before Ellie's classes started. You felt bad, but you grew to enjoy these mornings with just her. She was easy to get along with and she didn't pester you constantly about your memory loss. It was like she just accepted it for what it was and moved on. Joel, on the other hand, was a different story.

"What are you doing today?" she asked, pushing away her bowl of oatmeal.

"I have to go get these stitches removed," you said, your fingers coming up to brush across your injured scalp. "Couldn't come any sooner. They are so itchy."

She hummed and crossed her arms. "Surprised Joel didn't wanna come with you. He's been hovering over you non-stop."

"Yeah, tell me about it," you muttered. When you caught the playful glean in her eye, you backtracked. "Not that I don't appreciate everything he's done for me, it's just..." you trailed off, trying to find the right words.

"It's just a lot?" she offered, and you nodded, relieved that she understood.

"I didn't exactly tell him, either," you said, dropping your gaze to pick at your cuticle in shame. "Every time I go to the clinic, he scares the shit out of that poor doctor."

She laughed softly and stretched her arms out behind her head. "Joel does that to people. He comes off like a pitbull but in reality? He's just a golden retriever."

A slow smile stretched across your face as you absorbed her words, then burst out laughing.

"That is-" you began, cutting yourself off with another laugh, "the most accurate description I could ever possibly think of."

"I've known him for a long time, what can I say?" she said with a grin while throwing her hands up in the air.

Your laughter died down as you stared at the table, lost in thought. Glancing up at Ellie, you decided to see what else she might shed some light on.

"Do you know of a Ben and Lisa?"

She froze and looked at you quizzically for a moment before dropping her hands back down onto the table.

"Yeah, do you remember them?"

"No, no," you said quickly, waving her off. "I kept a journal. Y'know, from before. And I was reading it the other day and I mentioned them. Are they around?"

Ellie glanced around the somewhat crowded room before meeting your eyes again. "No, not today. They don't really come out much," she said, examining you carefully. "They have a small house on the outskirts of town. They are... homebodies, I guess? I think they've been in here, like, twice, since you guys arrived."

"So, they came here with me?" you confirmed, and she nodded.

"Yeah, the three of you arrived together," she said. Her eyes glanced up and saw a few classmates heading out the front door. "I better go, school's starting soon," she said, pushing her chair back and grabbing her backpack.

"Yeah, okay," you said, sitting back in your chair. "Thanks, Ellie," you called after her, and she shot you a quick wave before running to catch up with her friends.

You wished you had more time to ask her about Ben and Lisa. Were they together? Were they siblings? Friends? How did you meet them? What did they know about your past?

The questions were piling up as you let your mind wander. You didn't even realize Maria, Tommy's wife, had approached your table until she said your name for the second time.

"Sorry," you told her, shaking your head.

She smiled and pulled out a chair, joining you at your now empty table. "Don't worry about it. I wanted to check on you. How have you been feeling?"

"Better," you said honestly. "I haven't needed the Tylenol really, so I'm going to bring the rest back to Nick this morning."

"That's fantastic," she said, leaning forward. She regarded you quietly for a moment before speaking again. "Any luck on your memories?"

You sighed and shook your head. It was inevitable - everyone eventually asked you the same question, either morbid curiosity or genuine concern encouraging them. And you tried not to let it bother you, you really did. But you couldn't help but feel like a failure every time when the answer was no.

And then Maria asked the next question everybody always asked.

"How's Joel handling everything?"

You fought the urge to roll your eyes. Of course this was hard for him. It was hard for you, too, just in a different way.

"Alright, I guess."

"Are you two getting along? I know Tommy mentioned you were nervous-"

"Yeah," you said, cutting her off. "It was a little weird at first but it's not so bad now." You glanced around the dining hall, which was mostly empty. "Can you tell me a little bit about him? About us? I would ask Joel, but any time he tells me about some memory, I can see it hurts him. And I just can't stand to see that look in his eye again."

Maria gave you a sympathetic look and squeezed your hand. "I get it. It must be hard, I'm so sorry," she said, and you could feel the tears beginning to prick the corners of your eyes.

"I just feel like I'm always letting him down," you said, swallowing the lump in your throat.

"You're not. Hey, look at me," she said, forcing you to drag your eyes up to meet hers. "You're not letting him down. He loves you. You have no idea how much. That man has been head over heels since the moment you met. He'd do anything for you-"

"I know, and that's what makes this so much worse!" you exclaimed. "I'm sitting around that house all day - our house - waiting for my brain to fucking work and give him the person he's waiting for and I just can't! I can't-" you slammed your palms flat on the table. "I can't fucking-" you buried your face in your hands as you tried to conceal your tears. Maria rubbed soothing circles on your back, giving you time to collect yourself.

"Sounds to me like you're going a little stir-crazy."

You dragged a shaky breath in and nodded, letting your hands fall to your lap.

"What if we got you assigned some work around town? Something light, nothing too strenuous. Would that help?" she asked softly, and your pulse began to return to normal.

"Yeah, I think that would be nice," you said, flashing her a small smile.

"Your choice, then," she said, pulling her hand back, "what are you good at or interested in? I figure stables are probably not a good idea. Tommy said you were having trouble riding. Is there anything you'd like to do?"

You pursed your lips and thought for a moment.

"I'm not sure... can I get back to you?" you asked, realizing once again that you knew very little about yourself.

"Of course," Maria said before standing up from her chair. "You know where to find me whenever you think of something. Or if you just want to talk... I'm here, okay?"

You gave her a watery smile before whispering your thanks, then watched her make her way towards the doors. You sighed and looked around, realizing you were the only one left after the breakfast rush, so you pushed yourself to your feet and followed Maria's footsteps. You had a few more hours before Joel was supposed to come back from patrol, so you decided to walk over to the infirmary and get your stitches removed.

The streets of Jackson were mercifully quiet. Most people were working and the kids were in school, so you didn't run into too many folks on your way towards the other end of town. You wrapped your arms around yourself a little tighter. The chill in the air still lingered from overnight, making you shiver. As you walked, you looked around at the buildings like you normally did, trying your hardest to shake loose a memory, or at this point, even a flicker of a moment, but nothing came.

You trudged up the steps to the infirmary and stepped inside, grateful to be back indoors where it was warm. A little bell rang above your head, announcing your presence, and a moment later you heard Nick's footsteps coming down the hallway. When he lifted his head and saw you, his eyes immediately scanned the room, searching for Joel.

"All alone today?" he asked, then motioned for you to follow him.

"Yeah, Joel's busy," you said, and you swore you could see his shoulders relax.

"I know the feeling," he said, standing next to an empty exam room and holding his arm out to his side, inviting you to enter first, so you did. "I've been trying to get around to doing inventory for weeks, but I'm swamped. Can't seem to find a quiet day," he continued as he opened and closed some cabinets. He pulled on a pair of gloves and opened a drawer for some scissors before placing it on a clean washcloth next to the bed and putting his glasses on.

"Oh, speaking of inventory," you said, leaning to the side so you could fish the pills out of your jeans pocket. You held them out to him with a smile. "Didn't need them all."

"Excellent. Thank you," he said, plucking the baggie from your fingers and setting them down on the counter next to the scissors. "Glad they helped. And again, I'm sorry I couldn't offer anything stronger-"

"Don't be sorry, I understand," you said, then tucked your chin into your chest so he could get a good look at the back of your head. He began to carefully snip away at the irritating thread, taking his time to pull each and every piece out without tugging too much on your skin. You noticed aside from the two of you, the office sounded quiet.

"All alone today, too?" you asked.

"Yes, unfortunately," he said with a sigh. "My aide, Monica, got poached from me. They needed someone on patrol since-" he cut himself off and cleared his throat, and you frowned before you realized what he was about to say.

"Since they had to replace me," you finished for him.

"Yes."

Your lips pressed into a thin line as Nick continued to work away at your stitches. Another casualty in the hurricane that your accident seemed to cause.

"Hey, what if I helped you?" you blurted out, and his hands paused.

"You want to be my aide?"

"Sure. Well, do I need any medical knowledge? I don't know much, but I can help you with inventory or cleaning instruments or... whatever else you might need."

You could sense his hesitation without even having to see his face and you knew in an instant he was thinking about Joel.

"Maria approached me this morning about a job. She said it would be good for me and I agreed. But if I'm not qualified, I understand-"

"No, no, it's not that," he said, and you rolled your eyes. Of course not.

"Joel isn't the boss of me," you said after a moment. He stepped backwards and you lifted your head up to look at him.

"He's an intimidating man," Nick said by way of explanation. He snapped his gloves off and tossing them in the trash. "Why don't you run it by him first? As a favor to me?" he added with a half smile. You sighed and nodded before sliding off the bed.

"Sure, I'll talk to him when he gets back," you agreed, following Nick towards the front door. You thanked him before heading back down the street, your fingers gingerly tracing your closed wound before you shoved your hands into your pockets.

How the hell could one man manage to scare half the town the way Joel Miller did? You thought you were beginning to see a glimmer of the man underneath the hardened exterior, but what on earth drew you to him in the first place? What did your past self see in him that made you so enamored? And why couldn't you see it now? You were afraid the answer didn't so much lie with Joel, but with you.

You desperately needed to discover more of the person you were before your accident. Maybe then you would get some more insight.

When you got back to Joel's house, you decided to take what little quiet time you had left and read some more of your journal. As the sun rose in the sky, the day began to heat up a bit, taking away that frigid chill in the air, so you cracked a window in his living room and curled up on a worn out, but very comfortable, arm chair.

You flipped through the pages, your eyes landing on the last entry you read: Joel lied to me.

You never asked him about it. Either you were too afraid of the answer or you were too afraid he wouldn't tell the truth. At first, you tried to convince yourself that it was nothing. That maybe you had just gotten into a fight on that particular day and you were mad. But seeing how sporadically you had updated the journal, you got the feeling you wouldn't have written it unless it was important.

And why wouldn't you have elaborated? What could it have been? Something that was so serious, you didn't want to risk putting it down in writing?

You hadn't realized how long you were staring at those four words until you heard Joel's heavy footsteps climbing up the stairs of the porch. You snapped the book shut and looked up just as he opened the door. His dark eyes found you immediately and, as usual, you saw what you always saw - relief in seeing you again, the joy one had when they saw their other half, the attraction a man has for the one he loves.

Damn him and his expressive eyes.

"Hey," you said with a small smile, "how was patrol?"

"Not too bad," he replied, kicking off his boots. "Quiet. No infected. Me 'n Alex made short work of our route," he said, strolling over to collapse into the couch next to your chair. He rubbed his eyes with a deep sigh, his head resting on the back of the couch.

"Tired?"

"Yeah," he said, dropping his hand to his lap and rolling his head in your direction. "Glad I got tomorrow off. Maybe we can do somethin' together."

"Yeah, okay," you agreed. Maybe it would be a good opportunity to learn more about him without directly asking. His eyes drifted down to the journal in your lap and he jutted his chin towards it.

"Read anythin' interesting?"

Looking down at it for a brief moment, you thought about asking him what he lied about, but you ultimately decided against it.

"Yeah, actually," you said, flipping a different page open. "I wrote about a Ben and Lisa. Ellie told me we arrived together and they keep to themselves," you continued, looking up at him. His expression was unreadable. "Maybe I should pay them a visit one of these days. Maybe they can tell me a little about myself before-"

"Yeah, maybe," he said suddenly, then stood up to head towards the kitchen. You frowned, your eyes following him as he filled a glass of water. When he turned back to you, you were still looking at him, waiting for him to say something else.

"Why don't you give it a little time before you go seein' them," he suggested after downing his water in one gulp.

"It's been two weeks," you said quietly, "how much more time should I give it?" He shrugged and strolled back into the living room, leaning against the doorframe.

"What'dya wanna know?" he asked, avoiding your question. "I know you better than anyone. I can answer your questions."

"I didn't know you the whole ten years, though," you reminded him, unfolding your legs from the chair. "It sounds like they knew me longer. I just thought they could tell me how I survived-"

"For what?" he snapped, and his tone took a sudden turn. When you met his gaze again, the warmth was gone, and in its place was a face of stone. "What does that matter?" he asked, his voice rising a little. "You're here, you did what you had to do. We all did. What's the point in rehashin' it?"

"What's the point?" you repeated, bewildered. "The point is so I can learn about myself. So I can figure out the person I became, the person you fell in love with!"

Something flickered across his face for a brief moment before his eyes softened and his shoulders relaxed.

"You're right, I'm sorry," he said, the edge to his voice now gone. "I'll take you to see 'em one of these days. We'll go together. I haven't seen 'em in a while myself. It'd be good to catch up," he added.

"Okay," you said slowly, "thank you." He took a deep breath and angled his head towards the stairs.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower," he mumbled, and you nodded, your eyes following him up the steps until he disappeared around the corner.

Joel Miller was an incredibly difficult man to figure out. Just when you thought you knew who he was, he did something like that and it made you second guess yourself. You had determined that aggressive side came out when he was protecting the ones he loved. So who was he protecting this time?

"What'dya wanna do today?" Joel asked you around a mouthful of eggs from across your kitchen table.

"Um, I don't know," you said, pushing your food around on your plate uncomfortably. You thought spending time alone with him was a good idea, but when you woke up that morning, you felt nervous. "Did you have anything in mind?"

He sat back in his chair and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "If you were feelin' up for it, thought I could take you outside the walls a bit. Maybe teach you how to ride again."

You perked up at his suggestion. For some reason, you didn't consider leaving Jackson as an option.

"Yeah, that sounds great," you said with a grin, and his chest warmed at the sight. He missed seeing you smile. Then he remembered something that might make you smile again. He stood up quickly, his chair sliding back across the hardwood floor, and walked over to his backpack, still hanging by the door from yesterday.

"What are you doing?" you called after him, but he didn't reply until he reentered the room with his hands behind his back.

"Forgot I gotcha somethin' when I was out yesterday," he said, trying to bite back his smile. It didn't even occur to him until the last second that you might not like what he was about to give you, that maybe your tastes were different ten years ago, but it was too late now. Nervously, he held out two worn paperback books. You stood up with a curious look on your face and took them in your hands, your eyes running over the covers quickly before turning them over and reading the backs. He shifted his weight as he anxiously waited for your reaction, and when he was rewarded with another huge smile, he couldn't hold his own back.

"These sound great," you told him, glancing at the books again. "I love mysteries, this is..." you met his eyes briefly before shyly looking back down. "This is so thoughtful of you, Joel. Thank you."

He beamed with pride, thrilled that he was able to do something nice for you. "You're welcome, ba- ahem," he coughed, stopping himself from finishing his sentence. You looked back up at him, heat creeping up both of your necks. He cleared his throat and turned around, picking up your plates. "You're welcome," he said again, "thought you might be gettin' bored 'round here."

He rinsed the plates in the sink before heading towards the front door. You put your two books on the counter and trailed after him, the both of you sliding on your boots and jackets. Joel grabbed his backpack before opening the door for you and he followed you down the porch steps.

"Yeah, I'm definitely getting a little bored," you said, eyeing him up as you walked side by side towards the stables. "But speaking of that, I was talking to Maria yesterday and she suggested I get a job." His head swiveled over to you, lips parted in surprise, but before he could speak, you continued. "She said I can pick whatever I want, nothing too strenuous."

He nodded and looked straight ahead again, your words rolling around in his head. "Yeah, suppose that makes sense."

"Good," you said, pleased he was open to the idea. "So when I was at the infirmary yesterday, Nick mentioned-"

"Why were you at the infirmary? Were you in pain? Did you get hurt?"

"Joel, I was fine," you said with a huff. You pointed to the back of your head. "I had my stitches removed."

He stopped in his tracks, which made you skid to a halt. His arms reached out to lift up your hair but at the last second, he held back.

"Can I?" he asked over your shoulder, and you nodded. He gingerly lifted up your hair to take a look at your injury, which felt much better now that the stitches were gone.

"Made showering so much easier," you told him. He hummed and dropped your hair.

"Looks good," he said, and continued walking. "You shoulda waited, I woulda went with you," he added.

"It took ten minutes," you said, waving him off as the stables came into view. "But while I was there, Nick mentioned his aide got reassigned to patrol to fill my old position, so I offered to take her place."

"You wanna work at the infirmary?" he asked, and you shrugged.

"I don't know much, but he said I didn't need to. He just needs help around the office. Cleaning up, taking inventory, maybe help him with some minor procedures. Hand him tools and all that," you said, and Joel nodded slowly.

"Alright," he said, "if that's what you wanna do, sure."

And although you weren't asking for his permission, it felt like you got it, anyway.

As you got closer to the stables, the high pitched whinny of a horse in a nearby paddock caught both your attention. The horse looked smaller - younger - and was attached to a long rope, and in the center of the field holding the other end was a man around Joel's age. Even from a distance, you could see the clench in his jaw and the way his muscles strained to rein in the animal, but he was losing the fight. The horse was too young and too strong and kept pulling away, getting as far away from the man as possible before the lead went taught and the horse was forced to face the man again. Each time it happened, the horse let out a shrill whinny and stomped its hooves in the dirt, expressing its displeasure.

"That's Caleb," Joel said as you both paused to watch. "Must be breakin' in a yearling."

"Breaking in?" you asked, your eyes still glued to the horse, whose head was twisting around angrily, trying to break free.

"It means he's tryin' to tame her so we can ride her," he explained, and you nodded. You both leaned up against the fence and watched the beautiful animal rear up and then dig its hooves deeper into the dirt, dust kicking up into a cloud around them. Caleb was struggling. Sweat was dripping down his face as he tugged on the lead and shouted commands at the horse, but she was having none of it.

The horse's whinnies were becoming louder and more panicked. The whites of her eyes showed when Caleb attempted to get closer, his skin tight over his knuckles from holding onto the rope. Once Caleb got close enough, the horse swung its massive head around in the air then reared back again with all its might, pulling Caleb off his feet unexpectedly with a shout.

"Shit," Joel muttered. He gripped the top rail of the fence and hauled himself over before you could even process what was happening. You watched, eyes wide, as Joel ran into the middle of the field, his arms raised up high over his head to keep the horse from stomping on Caleb.

"Hey! Hey!" you heard Joel's booming voice shout at the animal, drawing her attention off Caleb. The horse charged at Joel, but swerved away at the last second. Joel turned around and gave Caleb a hand, dragging him to his feet before the horse made its way back to where they stood.

"Hey," Joel said, softer this time, but his arms still stretched out in front of him. The horse skidded to a stop a few feet away, snorting and pawing at the dirt, its long tail flicking back and forth. Caleb stood and dusted himself off before taking a few steps backwards to catch his breath, but Joel remained in the same spot. He stared down the animal, the two of them silently sizing the other up. Joel's voice rang out again, just as soft as before. "Hey, shh, girl," he said, relaxing his stance a bit.

You stood cemented to the ground, entranced, as you watched the stand off between man and beast. Joel didn't look scared. He barely even flinched when the horse let out another high pitched squeal. He stood tall and firm, refusing to back down, and patiently waited for the horse to come to him.

He left his arm outstretched as an olive branch, his eyes never leaving the horse. He murmured low, soothing noises until it took a tentative step forward. Joel nodded encouragingly and continued to speak softly, earning him another step.

You felt a stirring low in your stomach as you continued to watch, with your jaw slack and your breaths shallow. Joel finally reached out and grabbed the lead, then ran the flat of his hand slowly up and down the horse's nose, giving it a little scratch between the eyes, and you clenched your thighs together.

After a few minutes of Joel calmingly murmuring to the horse, he handed the rope back to Caleb, who expressed his deepest gratitude before carefully leading the filly back towards the stables. Joel turned back towards you, dusting his hands off as he walked. Your cheeks felt warm by the time he made it to the other side of the fence and climbed over.

"That was..." you trailed off, not sure what to say. He smirked at you as he leaned down to pick his backpack up. "That was really impressive," you finally squeaked out. Unbeknownst to you, he could see right through you. He'd known you for too long and he especially knew what you looked like when you were aroused. He eyed you up and down before nodding towards the stables.

"It's 'bout respect and patience. You get what you give," he explained as he wiped away some sweat that formed on the back of his neck. Your mouth went dry at the sight.

"H-have you done that before?"

"What, break in wild animals?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at you, and you nodded. If he didn't already clock the way you were reacting, he wouldn't have said what he said next. "No. Only you."

You choked on your laughter and he grinned.

"I hardly think I can compare to a wild horse," you said, your cheeks on fire.

"You're right. Tamin' you was harder."

"I thought I was the one who confronted you about sneaking around? Which is it?" you teased as you followed him into the barn, the scent of hay and leather and the sound of horses gently snorting in their stalls invading your senses.

"Oh, you did. You just didn't like sneakin' 'round. Took a lot longer to make you fall in love and move in with me," he said. He walked up to a list pinned to a clipboard and scribbled his name inside an empty slot.

"Mm, and you really think you can do it again?" you asked, trying to sound doubtful but your smile gave you away. He glanced down at you, leaning against the wall for a moment, his eyes lingering on your lips and cheeks before chuckling.

"Oh, absolutely," he said lowly, and you felt your heart flutter in your chest.

"Alright, Casanova. Let's get a move on," you said, rolling your eyes and turning away, but not before he caught the excited glint in your eye.

Thank god for Joel's backpack.

That was the only thing separating you two as you clung to him from behind as he steered your borrowed horse through the woods. It was peaceful. Serene, even. It was hard to believe so many horrible things happened, and were still happening, in this world when you were surrounded by such beauty. And you might have been able to appreciate it more if you weren't so utterly distracted by your body's reaction to Joel. You couldn't imagine what you would be thinking and feeling if there wasn't a buffer between you. Had you been able to feel each and every strong muscle in his back and shoulders, or the heat rolling off him, or fully commit to memory his very unique and intoxicating scent.

No, luckily you had some distance, and by the time he reached the field he was looking for, you felt like you had regained your senses. You brushed off your earlier reaction to your hormones and nothing more by the time you slid down from the horse and joined Joel on the ground.

"It's so quiet out here," you remarked, looking around and shrugging off your jacket. By now, the sun had risen high enough in the sky to warm everything up around you, the frosty morning air long since melted away. Joel tied the reins of your horse around a tree trunk and took off his own jacket, slinging it over the saddle.

"We used to come out here a lot," was all he said, avoiding your eyes. You looked around again, trying to find something familiar. He could tell what you were doing and he shook his head.

"Don't try to force it, it ain't gonna do any good," he said, and you looked over at him, surprised.

"Sorry. I'm really trying," you said softly, looking down at the dirt. He looked at you sadly, just for a moment when your attention was on your shoes, then forced a smile across his face.

"C'mon, I wanna show you somethin'."

You followed him through the thinning trees towards the open field; the grass waist high as you hiked through it together, cicadas singing all around you as you walked. The sun was growing more powerful, but you weren't uncomfortable.

"This is my favorite time of year," you told him, and he glanced over at you. "It's not too hot, not too cold."

He smiled and looked straight ahead once again. "I know. You like warm days and cold nights."

"That's right," you said, pressing your lips together and wondering if there would ever be anything you could tell him that he didn't already seem to know. "You have a good memory."

"When it comes to you, yeah."

Joel held out an arm to stop you, your face angled towards the ground as you walked so you wouldn't trip. You looked up when you ran into his arm, first at him, and then at the scenery before you.

It was breathtaking. Somehow, without even realizing it, you were on top of a mountain. Or, close to it, anyway. Near the edge, you looked around and saw other hills and valleys surrounding you, green and lush and full of life. A flock of blackbirds swooped by straight ahead, and way down below, between all the jagged rocks, was a little lazy river.

"This is beautiful," you breathed, your eyes glistening. Joel studied your face while you were distracted, his eyes never once looking at the nature surrounding you.

"Yeah, I know," he whispered. You dragged your eyes away from the view and gave him a dazzling smile, one that made his chest ache, before sitting down at the edge of the grass with a sigh.

"Okay. What do you miss most about your life before?" you asked him out of the blue. His stomach lurched, his mind immediately filled with thoughts of a little girl with curly hair and dark brown eyes that once made him finally understand the true meaning of unconditional love.

"Barbeques," he choked out, hoping you didn't pick up on his mood shift.

"Mm, that's a good one," you said dreamily, still staring out over the edge of the cliff. "What was your favorite part?"

He felt himself relax a bit as you forced his mind to shift gears. "The music. The food. Just... lazy weekends, hangin' out with friends or family. Spendin' time with people I cared 'bout."

"What's your favorite barbeque food?" you asked, pulling your knees up to your chest and turning your head towards him.

He thought about it for a moment, his daughter's memory drifting back into the recesses of his mind. "Ribs. Or maybe burgers. Tough call," he said with a chuckle. You slapped the side of your leg and turned your whole body towards him excitedly.

"Oh, my god. Speaking of ribs. My brother - Matty - one time he was in an 'all you can eat' ribs competition," you said, a grin already pulling at the corners of your mouth. "He was like, 22 at the time and he could really pack food away. Like, really eat. It scared the shit outta my mom, she had no idea how he did it and still stayed so trim," you said, and Joel chuckled. "Anyway, he entered this contest and all of the other contestants were these, like, huge guys. I'm talking pushing 300 pounds huge, right?" you said, the excitement evident in your voice now as your eyes shone bright, making Joel smile even more. "So, anyway, one by one these guys are dropping like flies and my brother just kept mowing down all these ribs like it was nothing. It was down to him and one other guy and the other guy looked like he was about to tap out. The prize was like, a thousand bucks, and we were all getting so damn excited. He was gonna win!" you said, your voice getting louder the more excited you became. Seeing you that happy for the first time in weeks made Joel's heart feel like it was going to burst, so he played along and urged you on. "Then, Matty freezes. And I'm staring at him. And he's just staring down at his hands, and we're all like 'what the hell is he doing?' and suddenly - woosh!" you said with a giggle, using your arms for emphasis. "He pukes everywhere! It was so fucking much, Joel! And it was so disgusting, oh my god. People were running from their seats and dry heaving, and me and my parents are fucking dying with laughter," you said, your giggles growing louder the more you remembered. You wiped a stray tear from the corner of your eye as you continued. "Anyway, of course he got disqualified and he never could be in the same room as a rack of ribs ever again," you finished, flashing him a grin. But when you saw his expression, although he was smiling and giving you some obligatory laughs, you could tell it wasn't the first time he had heard that story.

"You knew that already, didn't you?" you asked, narrowing your eyes at him. He smirked and looked down at his hands.

"Yeah," he admitted, and you groaned. "But it's still a real funny story. I love the way you tell it."

"I wonder if there's anything I didn't tell you," you said with a sigh. He inched a little closer when he heard the despair in your voice.

"It doesn't matter. I love hearin' everythin' 'bout you," he said, and you gave him a little smile. "You could tell me a hundred times and I wouldn't care."

He kept saying that word. Love. Over and over, like it was nothing. You looked away, his eye contact too intense all of the sudden, and stared out at the beauty before you. But you could still feel the heat of his gaze on your skin. It sent a shiver down your spine. Your mind raced, trying to think of something else to say when he softly whispered your name. You tilted your head in his direction and the look in his eye caused you to temporarily forget how to breathe. He was staring at you like you were the only other person in the world. Like you were a siren, calling to him on the sea, or Aphrodite, knocking him to his knees in prayer.

No, no, no, you thought as he leaned in a fraction, his eyes flicking down to your lips. Too soon. Not ready.

A blood curdling screech echoed from somewhere behind you. Somewhere far too close for comfort. You froze, eyes wide and scared, but Joel whipped around and reached into his backpack, pulling out his revolver and knife.

Stay here, he mouthed, pressing a finger to his lips, and you couldn't remember if you acknowledged him or not before he crouched and disappeared into the long grass, leaving you all alone on the edge of a very dangerous cliff with some terrifying monster nearby. Slowly, trying very hard not to make a sound, you turned your head, searching for the source of the noise. As you scanned the field, the tall grass hiding Joel somewhere in its depths, you spotted it. It, being the only proper word.

It was hideous. Fucking disgusting. Half its face was overgrown with fungus plates, its mouth wide and wet and dribbling with blood, teeth yellowed and bared. It hunched over as it got closer and closer to you, snapping its jaw like a lion, trying to locate its next meal. You swallowed roughly as it got closer, its torn clothes and bent fingers coming into view. And the smell. The stench of death and rot filled the air, completely ruining the beautiful backdrop you were admiring mere minutes ago. Your heart slammed wildly in your chest, your breathing unsteady and your hands shook violently. You had nothing to defend yourself. You looked to your side, wondering if you could push it over the cliff if necessary. Where was Joel?!

Just as it was about to clear the grass and step into the clearing, Joel leapt up behind the creature and stabbed it in the back of the head with a loud grunt. It collapsed in an instant, blood spilling from its skull as Joel stood over the corpse, shoulders and chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath.

"Oh my god," you whispered, your trembling hands coming up to cover your mouth as you stared at the lifeless body. You hadn't seen an infected alive yet. And they were far more terrifying than you ever imagined. Tears welled up in your eyes that you quickly tried to flick away, but Joel already noticed.

"You okay?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed with worry as he cleaned his knife off in the grass.

"Yeah," you replied shakily, still staring at the dead infected a few feet away. You slowly forced yourself to your feet and walked around it, only stopping when you were safely in the grass. With a grunt, Joel kicked the body closer and closer to the edge until it tumbled over. You winced as you heard its body faintly thudding and cracking against the rocks and branches below. He glanced over at you, your face screwed up with a mix of distaste and fear, and he sighed.

"Wanna just head back?"

"Yeah," you said, looking at the view once more before following him through the tall grass. "It was nice while it lasted, though."

The two of you trudged through the grass quietly, back towards the woods. He could tell you were shaken up and he inwardly cursed the clicker for ruining what could have ended up being a really nice day with you. A day where he thought he was making some progress. He made you smile and laugh and he definitely recognized that heated look in your eye back at the stables, but all of those memories suddenly seemed so distant. It wasn't until the horse came into view that he even remembered why he brought you out in the first place.

"You still wanna learn to ride?"

You looked up at him, your perfect lips parted ever so slightly. It made him want to grab your chin and press his mouth against yours so he could remember what you felt like again.

"Oh, sure," you said, glancing wearily over at the horse as you approached.

"Why don't you take the reins and I'll sit behind you," he offered as he untied the horse from the tree. "That way I can take over if you're feelin' too nervous."

"Okay..." you agreed slowly, realizing that meant he would be pressed up against you for the entire ride home. And this time, there wouldn't be a buffer.

He laced his fingers together and bent forward, offering you a boost. You got a good grip on the saddle and delicately placed your foot in his hands before he launched you upwards. You swung your leg over and shifted in the saddle a bit, looking down at the back of the horse's head. Its long ears flickered back and forth, trying to shoo away the flies.

You gasped when the saddle shifted slightly and Joel climbed up behind you. Your body stiffened and you stared straight ahead as he got himself comfortable. You tried to block it out, but when his arms wrapped around you from behind and took the reins from your grasp, you realized it would be impossible.

"This is how you wanna hold 'em, see?" he murmured softly in your ear, and you immediately felt goosebumps break out up and down your arms. He hadn't been this close before. Not even when he was examining your head wound. His exhale tickled the side of your neck and you realized his lips were dangerously close to your exposed skin. When it occurred to you that he had asked you a question, you blinked and snapped out of it.

"Yeah," you said, and you hoped he would think your hands were shaking because you were nervous to ride and nothing more.

"Now we're ridin' western, so when you steer, you wanna pull the reins across, like this," he said, demonstrating with his hands over yours, and just like that, the horse turned to the left. "And you just do the opposite if you wanna go the other way."

"Okay, makes sense," you replied, surprised you were actually following along.

"You want the horse to move, you gotta squeeze your legs. Gotta do it hard, though. It's a big animal, they can't feel you if you don't squeeze hard."

"Uh huh," you said, so you gave it a try. You squeezed your legs as hard as you could and the horse slowly lumbered forwards, and you squealed with excitement. "I did it!"

Joel chuckled behind you. You could feel the deep rumble through your back and the little puffs of air from his nose on your neck. It made you shudder, and you tried to pass it off like you were cold. The horse began to slowly walk back the way you came, through the trees and past a little stream, and the longer you walked, the more confident you became.

"This isn't so bad," you admitted, and you weren't sure if you were talking about Joel's embrace or riding the horse. You were growing used to his arms around you now, even though you didn't really need his hands to guide yours, you didn't say anything. It was... nice.

"How do I make it go faster?" you asked.

"Well, you can give her a little kick, or you can click your tongue. You remember how to click your tongue?"

You laughed a little and without thinking, you gave it a try. Clicking your tongue experimentally against your teeth sent the horse rushing forward. Just into a trot, but it still took you off guard. You gasped and leaned back into Joel's chest, looking to steady yourself so you wouldn't fall. You could feel him laughing behind you as he tightened his arms around your waist and gave the reins a gentle tug, slowing the horse back down to a walk.

"Not funny!" you exclaimed, but your smile gave you away.

He missed this. He really missed this. He missed holding you and laughing with you and spending time with you. What he wouldn't give to kiss you again. He ached for the way you tasted, the way you moaned underneath him, the feeling of your smooth skin under his rough palms. Every day that passed he felt like he was forgetting little by little, and the urge to remind himself, the urge to pull you into his arms and kiss you deeply and take you to bed with him was becoming more intense by the day.

But he had to be patient. He could be patient. You'd come around, one day. He was sure of it.

By the time you made it back to Jackson, you were feeling much more at ease. Maybe this is what you needed. Some time away with Joel, just the two of you, so you could learn more about him. You had to admit, you were beginning to see a very soft and sweet side to him that you only caught glimpses of in the past.

Before today, you hadn't been able to understand the attraction. He was good looking, you already knew that, but you also knew that couldn't have just been it. That wasn't enough to share a love for one another that he classified as rare and meant to be. Now, it was starting to become clearer. There was something inherently sexy about the way he handled himself. The confidence he had, which, at first, came off as cocky, you now viewed in a different light. After the way he handled the horse in the pasture and the clicker in the field, you were beginning to understand.

Joel Miller was a protector. He cared deeply and passionately for the ones he loved, and he stopped at nothing to defend them. Sometimes that love was misplaced as anger, and that's where he kept losing you.

He had asked if you felt up to joining Tommy and Maria at the dining hall for dinner, and even though you were a little tired from your outing, you agreed.

As you walked down the street together, he had to fight the impulse to hold your hand. He still noticed the way people looked at you, their curiosity over your now famous injury getting the best of them, but once they caught his eye they quickly averted their gaze. It angered him, he couldn't help it. He didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. You didn't deserve to be gawked at.

You followed Joel through the crowded hall once again, and just like before, the crowd naturally parted for him. He seemed to be making his way towards the back, towards the same table as before, only this time Tommy and Maria were already seated and waiting.

Maria greeted you with a hug and you gave Tommy a quick smile across the table before sitting down between her and Joel.

"Beautiful day out today," Maria said off to the side while Joel and Tommy talked amongst themselves.

"Yeah, it really was. I'm gonna miss it when the snow comes," you said, giving her a face. "Who's watching your daughter?" you asked suddenly, glancing around as if you could have possibly missed a small child running around.

"Oh, Dina offered to babysit, so we jumped at the chance to get out of the house," she said with a laugh. "Did you do anything exciting today?"

"Yeah, actually," you said, glancing at Joel, who was still talking quietly to his brother. "Joel taught me how to ride a horse. Well... re-taught me, I guess," you said with a small laugh.

"Thats fantastic. I'm glad you were feeling well enough to go out," Maria said with a warm smile.

"Oh, that reminds me-" you said, stopping yourself when Seth came over to take your orders. You just asked for what Maria was getting and turned your attention back to her. "I thought of a job."

Her eyes widened in surprise and she clapped her hands together. "Let's hear it!"

"I thought I could help out at the infirmary," you said, and she nodded along thoughtfully. "Nick was telling me his aide had to join patrol and he says he just needs someone to help do things around the office."

"That sounds like a great idea," she said, but you could hear the hesitation in her voice. When she glanced over at Joel, you connected the dots and sighed.

"He's fine with it," you grumbled, your gaze dropping to your hands.

"Fine with what?" Joel's voice asked from beside you.

"She wants to help out at the infirmary," Maria said, and Tommy grinned.

"Great idea, sugar," he said, "Nick could use the help. He's smart, but he's disorganized as all hell."

"I think it'll be good for you," Joel said, his knee knocking against yours under the table. "Help you get to know everyone a little better. Besides, if anythin' were to happen, you're in the right place," he added, leaning back in his chair so Seth could put his plate down in front of him.

"What do you mean?" you asked, picking up your fork and then scrunching your nose when you saw cherry tomatoes on your plate. Without even looking up, Joel speared the tomatoes with his fork and put them on his plate, then the three of you watched as he gathered his squash and gave it to you.

"I mean, if your head ever got to hurtin' again, then you'd be in the right place," he explained, looking up and licking the pad of his thumb. He frowned a bit when he noticed the table staring at him, and Tommy and Maria quickly ducked their heads to focus on their food, hiding their smiles.

"What?"

You dropped your gaze shyly to your plate and poked at the squash with your fork. "You know I hate tomatoes."

Heat crept up his neck a bit but he grinned. "The acid upsets your stomach," he said, and you chuckled to yourself, about to say something else when Jesse happened to walk by your table with some friends.

"Hey, Jesse!" Tommy called out, making him stop. He gave you all a quick wave before looking at Tommy expectantly. "Think you can join in on the 10am patrol tomorrow? Joel was just tellin' me he saw a clicker in that zone. Don't want any surprises like last time."

"Yeah, of course," Jesse said, then Joel frowned.

"Speakin' of last time," Joel said, his eyes drifting back and forth between the two men. "You never did explain how she got hurt on your patrol."

"That's right," you said, setting down your fork, "what happened? How did I fall? Was it the horse?"

Tommy and Jesse exchanged a nervous look. It was quick, but Joel still caught it. His jaw ticked to the side as he patiently waited for an answer.

"Uh, it was all so fast, and so much was happenin'," Tommy said, clearly floundering.

"Yeah, it's kinda hard to remember exactly," Jesse said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Well, try," Joel said, his voice dropping an octave. You turned your head slightly to look at him, not understanding why there was a sudden mood shift.

"We got ambushed by a small hoard," Tommy began, pushing his food around on his plate. "Thought we had it handled til a bunch more came outta nowhere," he continued, looking up to meet your eye now. "You were takin' down a runner, didn't see one comin' up behind you and it pushed you down. Knocked your head on a sharp boulder. Jesse 'n me took down the rest of 'em and that's when we realized you were knocked out cold."

You nodded, the story making sense as you remembered waking up to them yelling your name and their clothes covered in blood. But Joel wasn't satisfied. He knew they were leaving something out.

"That all?" he pressed, eyeing his brother. Tommy looked at Joel, a tense moment passing between the two before Tommy slowly nodded. He was about to open his mouth to speak when Jesse interrupted.

"It was my fault."

The whole table turned to look at him, taken aback. His hands were fidgeting at his sides as he avoided Joel's intense stare, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"I wanted to check out this department store. It was too big, we hadn't cleared the area, b-but we hadn't seen any infected in weeks a-and I thought we were good," he said, glancing up quickly at Joel, who was clenching his jaw and glaring at Jesse.

"What'd you need so bad from this store?" Joel seethed, and you saw Jesse swallow nervously.

"I-it's me and Grace's anniversary soon, wanted to get her something-"

Joel stood up quickly, his chair tumbling backwards, clattering loudly on the ground and silencing the room.

"So you wanted to get your girlfriend a present? That's why she can't remember a goddamn thing?" Joel roared, pointing at you. Tommy stood up and held his hands out.

"Calm down, Joel."

"I ain't calmin' down!" he shouted, and you jumped in your chair, scooting away from him and closer to Maria, who put an arm around you and urged you to stand.

"Let's go to the bar," she murmured, ushering you away as if she knew what was coming.

"I-I'm so sorry, Joel," Jesse stammered, tripping over his feet as he tried to put some distance between them.

"Sorry ain't gonna bring her back," he growled, rounding the table, his shoulders tight and his eyes wild. He reached out and grabbed Jesse by the collar before Tommy could react, and slammed him face first into the table. Food and cutlery went everywhere. People at nearby tables backed away but stayed to watch the fight unfold. Joel lifted Jesse up and smashed his face into the table again with a grunt, and this time you heard Jesse cry out in pain. You covered your mouth in horror as you watched Tommy try to pry Joel's hands off of him. "Wonder how many hits it'll take before you forget Grace. Maybe then we'll be even!" he shouted, pulling him back up by the collar. By now, blood poured from Jesse's mouth and his cheeks, mixing with tears as he tried to pull Joel's hands away. Just as Joel was about to slam his head into the table for a third time, you found your voice.

"Stop!!" you screamed, and by some miracle, he did. He still gripped Jesse's shirt in his hands, but Joel twisted his head around to look at you. Whatever he in your face made his fingers loosen their grip and Jesse stumbled backwards, collapsing into a chair as Tommy kneeled down next to him, trying to wipe away the blood.

Joel turned his whole body toward you, his face red and his chest heaving. His eyes were still crazed with anger but you could see it slowly melting away.

He took a step forward and you took a step back.

His eyes dropped to your feet, regret washing over him in an instant.

"Maria, can you gimme a hand?" Tommy called out, and she rushed over to help Jesse stand. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw them slowly leading Jesse towards the front door, no doubt in search of the doctor to help patch his wounds, but your eyes remained locked on Joel.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, not caring about all the onlookers still frozen in silence. But you did. You opened your mouth, then glanced around and thought better of it.

"Not here," you said under your breath, then stalked towards the exit, pushing your way past people until you felt the cool night air in your lungs.

You hurried down the street, wrapping your arms around yourself as you barreled home. You didn't turn around to see if he was following you. You knew he was. It was almost like you could feel him now. His presence draped around you like a scarf, surrounding you, engulfing you, suffocating you.

Storming up the porch steps, you flung the door open and walked inside, not bothering to close it behind you. You charged into the kitchen and paced around, your anger boiling inside you with nowhere for it to go.

"I'm sorry," he tried again from the doorway, trying to give you space. You stopped in your tracks and looked at him. His eyebrows were pinched together as he quietly waited for you to say something.

"Have you always been like this?"

His breath caught in his throat and he paused for a moment before replying. "Since we met? Yes."

"So you're saying I've caused you to act like a caveman when you hear something you don't like?" you shot back, crossing your arms defiantly.

"No, no, that's not - what I meant was, since you've known me, I've... had a temper," he said, quickly correcting himself.

You let a silent moment pass between you as you thought about what he said.

"It's no wonder it took me so long to fall in love with you," you said, and he winced. He looked away, trying to hide the pain, and you couldn't help but feel a little bad, but you stood your ground.

"It didn't bother you before," he mumbled, looking at the ground.

"Well, it bothers me now," you snapped, and he nodded.

"Okay, then I'll work on it," he conceded, looking up at you. "Happy?"

You snorted and rolled your eyes. "Thrilled."

Brushing past him, you marched up the stairs towards your bedroom and slammed the door shut behind you.

You could hear him moving around downstairs as you washed up and changed into pajamas, still seething at his behavior. How could you possibly fall in love with this man? You could barely figure out who he was - one minute he was soft and sweet, and the next he was bashing people's faces in. Even you could see it wasn't really Jesse's fault. The three of you would have agreed to check out the store together. Joel was just looking for someone to blame. It was immature and brutish and stupid.

Just as you pulled the covers over yourself, you heard a quiet rap on the door. You paused for a moment before rolling your eyes.

"Come in."

The door slowly creaked open and Joel slipped inside your room, glancing around at the bedroom you once shared together before looking at you.

"Can we talk?"

You furrowed your brow for a second before nodding, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He stepped forward and perched on the side of the bed, facing the wall so you could only see his side profile as he sat, deep in thought. You pulled your legs up so your chin rested on your knees and waited.

"I lied to you."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise and you couldn't help but think of the journal - Joel lied to me - and wondered if this was it. If you were going to get your answer.

"When you asked me what I missed most 'bout... before. I lied."

Okay, so probably not the lie in the journal, but still, your interest was piqued.

"What do you miss most?" you finally asked, and he sucked in a deep breath, his eyes glistening as he stared at the wall.

"My daughter. Sarah."

Your heart clenched in your chest and your gaze dropped to your hands. A daughter?

A long silence passed as you slowly connected the dots. The way he was with Ellie. The anger. The journal entry about Tommy having a daughter. The softness he kept hidden away.

"She died on outbreak day," he began, his throat already constricting. "Died in my arms. She was shot and-" he sniffled and took a deep breath. "And I couldn't save her. I held her and watched the light leave her eyes and I -" he choked back a sob and looked down, still avoiding your gaze. "I've never been the same," he finally managed to get out.

You swallowed back the tears that were forming. How couldn't you see? Of course he was hurting. Of course he lost someone. Just like you lost your family, he lost his. Were you that selfish and blind that you couldn't see it?

"Joel, I'm so sorry," you said shakily, but he shook his head.

"Just wanted to explain why I'm... whatever," he replied, giving up and rubbing his face.

Your chest ached for him. He was in pain and you couldn't stand it. Inching forward, you wrapped your arms around his neck, tentatively resting the side of your head on his shoulder. His hand came up to cup your elbow and he tilted his head so it rested against yours.

"I'm sorry," you repeated softly.

"Me, too."

You stayed like that for a while. Extending small olive branches to each other as you sat with the weight of what the world did to you both, and you finally began to understand what might have brought you together in the first place.

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[bitin-and-barkin]

Dying Desires

Thinking about replacing Arthur as "The Bodyguard" of the gang.

Warnings: Very horny Arthur, Arthur Morgan x Reader, Dom Reader, Sub Arthur, Buff Reader, Religious + Dog symbolism, Probably out of character, mentions of shooting + being shot, mentions of needles, Gender Neutral Reader, Smut but nothing actually happens between you + Arthur, just daydreams, degradation + cigarettes being put out on people

READ MORE UNDER THE CUT

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Imagine; Dutch or Hosea are talking up someone new they met, who they think might be a nice "addition" to their little family.

People are hesitant at best. After the shit that went down in blackwater, they're already looking for new recruits?

But they claim you're reliable. During a job gone wrong, you helped them. And when they asked why? You just did it because you thought they needed it. No ill intent, no other reason in sight. The best part is, you obviously have no clue who they are.

Not only that, but you're smart and charming and agree with them on their views on the civilized world. You're a criminal too in the law's eyes, but in reality, you're just the modern-day Robin Hood they always tried to be.

And so, they bring by a couple of members to meet you. To get some other people's point of view before they come to an agreement.

It's simple. A quick get together in a saloon. If they smell something fishy, they can easily just leave and forget about you.

Arthur agrees to come along, and when he meets you,

Goddamn.

You aren't an addition. You're the whole damn equation.

Think Abby from TLOU2 or Koing from COD or any other jacked characters. Either way, female, male, or anything in-between, you're 6 foot something and over 180 pounds of pure fucking muscle.

Armed to the teeth with one hell of a quick draw and a right hook strong enough to even make god flinch.

For once in his life, even he feels intimidated.

And when Dutch comes up to greet you?

Good God, you're sweet.

And charming too.

Your bark isn't anything like your bite, or at the very least the bite you could give.

You're kind, selfless, generous, and well-read. Confident, too. It feels like they're talking to a saint half your size.

You even cover all their drinks despite just meeting them.

He can tell it's not naivety. Scars cover your body, and you got a certain look in your eyes that just shows that you know what the world can be like.

You're just choosing to be kind. For no reason at all.

Even when later that evening somebody attempts to start a fight with you, despite you being able to drag them across the floor, you keep it civil and keep your cool.

At least at first.

The second the guy tries to throw a punch, you're off. You grab his arm, curl up your fist, and deck him with one hit.

As soon as the fight started, it was over, as the man was already knocked out on the floor with a nosebleed to match.

Then, like clockwork, you sat down and asked Arthur to continue talking with that sweet-as-honey, smooth, and lazy look in your eyes.

As you chatted with Hosea about some crime novel, he couldn't stop himself from wanting to kiss the blood off your knuckles.

The day turned to night, and you guys got ready to part ways.

You happily waved goodbye, saying you had a good time.

But by the end of the night? It was already settled.

You were joining them alright.

And now, it has been a couple of months since you joined.

And it was hard to ignore the problem you've been causing for Arthur.

You weren't doing anything wrong, in fact, you were doing everything right.

Sweet with the gals, even getting in Grimshaw's favor.

Surprisingly tolerant with the guys, oddly kind with them, even down to the goddamn O'Driscoll.

But now they're asking you to do jobs.

Intimidation? They're calling for you.

Need a guard? They're yelling your name.

Want backup? Well, you're coming along, obviously.

You've been taking John's title as the "prize pony." Considering how far you've fallen in Dutch's favor.

And you're taking Arthur's title as the brute.

But that wasn't the problem.

He didn't care about Dutch's favor or random titles.

It was the fact that your title was correct.

You were a brute.

Standing next to him in jobs, you just towered over him.

You towered over him. Him. You towered over him like he was a little boy.

He was out hunting with you once and his aim was getting wonky with his bow.

You came over, trying to show him how he needed to grip it.

But when you put your hands over his, he realized how much bigger yours were.

Putting your hands palm to palm, making jokes about how small he was compared to you, he was starting to understand why women preferred rugged men.

Another time, he got shot in the calf during a job and couldn't walk.

He said it was fine and put out his hand for you to help him up so he could limp back to his horse.

But instead? You picked him up. Bridal style and everything, not even breaking a sweat. Carrying him to your horse and placing him on the back, saying he was in no state to be riding alone.

And as he pressed his chest up against your back as you rode, wrapping his arms around your stomach for balance, he felt a newfound heat in his.

Your stomach rising as you breathed in and out, telling him in a firm voice to stay put and that you'd get them back to camp. Whistling for his horse to follow you.

With the way you were talking, Arthur wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop himself from heeling and barking and rolling over if you asked.

Your last job was the last straw. You two were clearing out an O'Driscoll camp together.

One was left and the man was shooting you a sharp gaze, swearing he was gonna kill you as your gun stared at him just as kindly.

Watching the muscles in your forearms move as you pulled the trigger,

he couldn't stop himself from begging the lord for you to one day turn your aim to his lips,

so he could taste something that was yours and holy before he died.

He has never met anybody bigger than him.

And it was causing problems.

As now, he couldn't stop thinking about you.

Thrashing in his cot that night, he kept imagining you putting him on his knees like a sinner.

Making him suck on the barrel of your gun as his hands claw at your belt, with the weight of something else in his mouth being the only thing able to satiate him.

You grabbing a fistful of his hair, pulling his head away from your hips as cum seeped down his lips.

Tilting his head back, making sure he swallowed every ounce as he rutted his aching dick between your closed calves.

Manhandling him into position like livestock as you threw his legs up onto your shoulders, biting down on his neck and making him yours as you unzipped his pants and-

He stood up and started walking, unsure where he was going.

Just anywhere that would get him away from his own thoughts.

While wandering around camp, he looked over and saw you. Smoking at the campfire, stitching up a wound on your thigh.

Against his better judgment, he went down there and struck up some conversation.

Laughing and talking with you into the night.

Hoping that you sharing the thoughts of your mind would be able to erase his thoughts of your body.

But as you talked and talked and brought your cigarette up to your lips,

blowing the smoke out of your nose as your hands smoothly pulled the needle in and out.

He couldn't stop thinking about how much better your lips would look shotgunning him smoke,

how much better that cigarette would burn if you put it out on his neck in front of everybody,

And how much better your hands would feel wrapped around his waist as you pulled him in tight and called him your whore.

He pulled off his hat and dipped his face into his hands, his cheeks heating up as he stole a look from the cracks between his fingers.

And seeing you sprawled back, hearing your breathy gasps when the needle hit especially deep was driving him crazy.

Taking a bottle of whiskey in hand, he cracked it open and took a small sip before your voice piped up.

Asking him for some, saying it was to "take the edge off", and make the pain of stitching your wounds easier.

He walked over to you and you took the bottle, thanking him before drinking some down, and then handing it back to him.

And watching him later take a sip,

quietly eyeing your half-unbuttoned shirt as he rubbed his thighs together,

it seemed like it wasn't the alcohol he was trying to savor.

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Made Arthur horny like a teenager lmao + I have a thing for cigarettes and smoke, okay? Leave me alone about it.

Anyways, ya'll want more? Also I'll write a pt 2 to that sub Dutch story soon, dw.

[chatterbox-73]

Twelve days of Smutcember 2024.

Day 5 - Official business.

Daichi Sawamura x fem!Reader.

This story is a smut story for Smutcember, I’ll be writing more characters x reader one shots for Smutcember and if you want to see a character please let me know...

finally I think it’s important to note, I might be a person who celebrates Christmas, however I know not everyone does so I won’t/try not to mention or reference any particular festive holiday in these one shots, out of respect for everyone.

You must be 18 years or older to read this...

🔞⚠️NO MINORS ALLOWED⚠️🔞

Summary: you try something new to add a new spark to your relationship with your husband.

Word count: 1.3k

CW: NSFW and adult content, role-play, cheating (fake), oral (f!giving & receiving), deep throating, rough sex, spanking, drinking, hair pulling, fingering/Masturbation.

You knelt on the floor with your back pressed against the bed frame, your head occasionally knocking back into the soft mattress as the man you were sucking bucked his hips.

It was a busy morning, your husband had woken up late and ran out the door in a rush, stating he was late for work and would see you later tonight, and so for the rest of the day you cleaned and organised what needed to be done around the house until it got late however rather then continuing to wait for your husband, you instead made plans to go to a bar near by your home.

Walking into the bar and taking a seat you ordered a drink and began nursing it, “what a beautiful dress… is there an occasion?” Asked a well built man in a police uniform as he sat down next to you, you smiled and took a slow sip of your drink before placing it down, “no occasion, I just wanted to feel pretty and be appreciated” you giggle and spun your wedding ring on the finger, the man grinned and leant forward on the counter ordering a drink, “I see, no attention from your hardworking husband… my wife’s always wants all my attention, so much so I never have enough for her” he laughed and looked back at him, “married as well, is she going to be here tonight?” You asked, now turning your entire body towards him and crossing one leg over the other, “no, I decided it’d be best to be here by myself tonight…” he hummed and gulped down his drink, “Daichi Sawamura, it’s a pleasure to meet you” he gently grabbed your hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it, “y/n l/n, I can’t wait to get to know everything about you” you smiled softly and leant in before pressing a light, yet lingering, kiss to

The side of his neck.

It was so easy and felt so right chatting way the night, you both got closer and closer as time passed now the side of your leg was pressed against Daichi’s, while he spoke softly into your ear, however despite the intimacy of it the man spoke so much about his wife and how beautiful, amazing and kind she was, it definitely wasn’t away to talk about your wife when your body is pressed closely next to some other woman at a bar, you hummed impatiently before turning to face Daichi head on, you placed both your hands on both of his knees and leant into him, “so, if your wife is so beautiful, why are you here with me?” You spoke in a low flirty tone and smiled, he hummed and leant in further to you, placing a hand on your waist, “because… I respect her too much, to do to her what I’m going to do to you” he whispered and placed his lips to the shell of your ear, “let’s go…” you moaned softly and pressed your legs together, before quickly standing and holding Daichi’s hand.

It was a quick walk to the love hotel, and took you even less time to get into the room and on your knees, leading you to your current position, you dug your nails into Daichi’s backside as he continued to thrust his hips into you, he groaned and grabbed your hair into a ponytail pulling you to move in time with his thrusts, “what a pretty little mouth…” he moaned throwing his head back, you watched him as he gradually worked closer and closer to his completion, the sight of this gorgeous man slowly coming undone in your mouth caused you to reach a hand up your skirt and into your lace panties, you shifted into a squat position and opened your legs wide before you began frantically rubbing your sensitive clit, you moaned around the man and he groaned before pushing you off his cock and back into the bed frame, he looked down at you and pumped his thick member, “good girl, keep play with that pussy” he hummed as he leant down and grabbed your arm pulling you up to your feet, you whined still rubbing your clit and using your other hand to hold onto Daichi for support, “I need more…” you groaned and the man laughed before turning you to face the large wall mirror and picking you up, he hooked his arms under your legs before he pulled your panties to the side and slide his thick tip into your entrance, you moaned as you slide down his hefty cock, “how slutty… enjoying another man’s cock, I’d be livid if my wife was off with other men” he hummed in your ear and you threw your head back.

You screamed and cried in pleasure, totally unaware of how much you’d truly enjoyed being placed in a position like this, legs pressed up over your shoulders Daichi’s hand intertwined behind your head, as he held you up in the air, in felt so good and looked so hot, watching everything from the mirror, it was so out of the ordinary you couldn’t even think of the possibility of having to go back to a boring and mundane intimacy after tonight, “I’m gonna cum again… Daichi please” you cried and he laughed as he quickened his pace and encouraged you to rub your clit, with a breathless scream and a gust of pleasure you came and the force caused his cock to slip out of you, the man dropped you onto the bed and he turned you over into your back, before climbing on top of your chest and grabbing your face, he then opened your mouth and forced his cock into your awaiting mouth, he leant down and began fucking your face again, however he did last long and ended up coming almost immediately, you swallowed down his thick load greedily and roughly dug your nails into his backside again desperately suck anything he had left to offer, “a perfect lady for her husband and a cock hungry whore for me…” he hummed as he pulled back and you moaned.

You sat up and smiled at him, “my husband doesn’t fuck me like that… but you promised you will?” You hummed in a hoarse voice and the man nodded as he slowly removed his clothes and held his sturdy leather belt in his hand, “strip, I’m gonna have to punish you… only bad girls suck stranger’s cock without their husband’s permission” he chuckled, before he grabbed your hips and turned your onto your stomach, exposing your bare ass to him and quickly getting to work on spanking you.

Stood in the kitchen of your house buttering a couple pieces of toast, “I thought you were going to sleep in today…” your husband hummed as he pressed up against your bare and bruised backside and rubbed his hard cock between your plush thighs, “I went to the toilet, came back and you were gone” he chuckled and you shifted causing his cock to press against your swollen cunt, “I fuck you pretty hard last night…” he kissed the bite marks on your shoulders and you hummed slowly rolling your hips every so often, “you got me so excited, you even kept the act up when we got home…” he smiled against your skin, “I want you to fuck me like that every night darling” you moaned and shifted causing him to slide inside you effortlessly, he laughed and kissed your ear, “of course I will, but I have other plans with you cunt right now…” he slipped out of you, causing you to groan and protest, only to be silenced be your own moan, “it’s breakfast after all and my wife has worked so hard to make this meal for me… what kind of husband would I be to let it go to waste” Daichi laughed as he began to rub his tongue over your clit before moving onto suckling on the swollen and abused bud, you cried and reached back to run your finger into his hair and grind back into his face.

Day 4 - Levi Ackerman: Admiral Casual.

Day 6 - Suguru Geto: scented (Coming soon)

Smutcember Masterlist (Coming soon)

Masterlist

[i-write-things]

Pen, I know New Years already went by but, how did your favorite Troupe members spent their new year days? (hcs)

Ugh, dw, I'm even later to answering this request. But I shall answer, anyway.

(None of these will be yandere)

Chrollo-

So it all depends on who he is spending it with. If he's with the troupe, he'll likely plan like a small scale heist, then go back somewhere (probably the hideout) and throw a small party. However, with Uvogin and Phinks there, it ends up much larger than he intended. Not that he cares. He sees his troupe, his people, happy. If his darling is part of the Phantom Troupe, while everyone is distracting counting down the new year, he'll sneak in a quick, new year's kiss-one of the few, rare times he'll do PDA in front of his family.

If he's by himself or just with his darling, he'll probably just spend it inside and relax. He'd read majority of the day away, unless darling has something planned. He would cook for you, u less you wanted to cook for him. He wouldn't want to eat out somewhere, because he wants it to be a quiet moment. So expect just a simple night, talking and relaxing the night away until the countdown, where he kisses you more passionately than he would have in front of the troupe.

"If fate will allow it, lets try to spend the rest of this year together, too."

Machi-

Machi, like Chrollo, is definitely more reserved. She'd prefer to stay indoors, but go on a walk at night. She'd also like to watch the countdown as well, but don't expect a kiss from her unless you've been together for some time. You'll have to be the one to initiate that.

If she's partying with the troupe, it's one of the more rare times you can see her true feelings. No pressure to do well in a hiest, none of her family is in danger, ect. She can just enjoy the moment. First thing, she'd probably ask Chrollo if he already has any plans for the new year. "So, what are you planning to do for a great new year, boss?" *She'd ever so slightly smile.

Feitan-

By far, the least of a party person here, unless it involves kidnapping or torturing. So it's not too surprising when he enjoys himself at a troupe party. He can hang out with his murder bro (Phinks) and probably play a prank or two with Shal on said murder bro. He gets into a shots battle with either Uvo or Phinks (maybe even both) to see who doesn't pass out from so many shots....or get alcohol poisoning.

If he's by himself, he does literally nothing. He doesn't see it as too different of a day. Although, of course, he does like the 'new year, new me' thing. and by that, I mean he'll try out different methods of torture. If his darling is there with them, he might slightly bring up spending time with them, but only if they're aware of his...career.

"...Hey, You....like...come torture....with me?" *Of course, that's his broken way of inviting you to torture some poor souls with him.

Shalnark-

Finally! Someone who loves to party! If he's spending time with the troupe, you can bet he's one of the main people who keep it awesome. He'll bring most of the party games. And of course, play most of the new years pranks (on anyone but Chrollo and Machi. He doesn't want to bug Machi, knowing how cold she is, and while the boss wouldn't mind, there's no way he'd be able to catch him off gaurd.) He, Paku, Shizuku, and Machi usually set up the decorations if they're feeling extra festive. Oh, and expect a bunch of selfies and pictures from the party if you're not there.

If he isn't at a troupe party, then he's probably party hopping around. He'd bring his darling with him, too. He'd get into the most bizarre and fun parties. If there is a bouncer who won't let him in, he can just stick him with an antenna. Though, he probably won't have to, considering he was preparing for this and has already hacked into most party systems to add his name, and brings you as his plus one. Expect a very sweet kiss from this boy at the countdown. You two only go home once one of you is hammered. If it's you, he laughs and comments on how much fun you had. "Haha! Looks like someone had fun!" If it's him, he'll have his arm wrapped around you and drunkenly slur, "Y'know baby, this was a great bew year...ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick.."

Uvogin-

Alcohol. Is it much of a surprise? I think not. Shalnark brings most of the games, and Uvo brings the alcohol. I'm talking beer, wine, ale, mead, whiskey, just about anything and everyone's favorite, including their favorite brand. And when I say the life of the party, I mean the life of the party. You think Shal and Fei's pranks bring the chaos? That ain't nothin' compared to our very own Uvogin's capabilities. On top of being very chaotic, he's also very loud. Probably the main reason why, if they choose to put on music, it has to be turned up so loud....he's also probably the one who puts it on in the first place after getting so drunk.

If he's not with the troupe for New Years, he's probably raiding other people's parties, but not in the way Shalnark does. Shalnark just infiltrates those places and kills maybe 3-0 people. Uvo, on the other hand, full on raids the party. (mostly for the 'good stuff') He might even hurt someone simy to see others react, though. But if that's way too much chaos for his darling, he'll keep the violence to a minimum. But expect to get very drunk. Because he'll be handing you lots of cans, and saying "Drinks on me all night!...and these other fellas, too! Hahaha!"

Phinks-

Where would Phinks be, if not with his murder bro(Feitan)? Of course, he would love to have a party with his family and it'll be a blast. Though, other than trying to best Uvo in their annual shots game, he'll mostly be chasing Shal and Fei around for the dumb pranks they pull on him. Of course, he doesn't do this the entire time. He also really likes to socialize, too! He'll just be having a casual conversation, mostly with Feitan, The boss, Shal, Uvo, or Kortopi.

If he's not partying with his gang, he'll probably stay indoors, but still throw a full on party. He doesn't have to have 70 people at a party to have fun. Though, he does have a tradition of New Years Giving, where people give things to him...and by that, I mean he walks around every night and just takes what he wants while everyone is distracted. Of course, he won't always do this. If his darling asks him to stay inside, he will. He can still have a nice New Years with just the two of you!

"Mm, ok. I won't go stealin' or raiding anything, tonight. But, only on the condition you spend the rest of the year with me." He chuckles, delivering a very cheesey kiss after a very cheesey line.

Pakunoda-

She likes to bring in all the games. Pakunoda has always been, other than Chrollo and Shalnark, the adhesive of the group. Could they all get along just fine without them? Of course. They've known each other since forever. But those three still really help keep the peace. So it's not surprising she, along with Shal, likes to bring in all the games. Mostly the fun, team bonding ones. Though majority of them never get played, it's still fun. She also usually brings most of the food. She's actually quite the cook. Her, Machi, and Chrollo make most of the food. Sometimes, the others will order a couple of items and pick them up, back that's about it. At these parties, she loves to casually socialize and just watch her family do what they do. Create chaos, play pranks and games, argue, laugh, ect.

If there is no party with them, she actually probably just plays a couple of games with her s/o, cooks something nice, and has some nice champagne. Pretty much the stereotypical couple's night on New Years.

Shizuku-

If there's a party, it takes her a bit to arrive. She either gets lost, or forgets where she's going. She's supposed to bring some snacks or games or decorations, but she forgot them at home. So she'll probably just...get everyone some coffee? Yeah, people like coffee, why not on New Years? Oh, a member doesn't like coffee? Oh yeahhhh....Oh well, too late now. She'll try better next year. She likes to watch everyone play games, but also has a blast playing them herself. She also updates everyone how much more time is left until the new year....but forgets to check the last second. So it usually ends up being Machi, Chrollo, or Shalnark that let's everyone know its the last minute of the year.

If she's not at that party, she doesn't do anything. She honestly doesn't care too much. Unless her s/o has something planned, or asks her to do something, then she'll go. But other than that, she doesn't care much. In fact, she doesn't care too much about the countdown, and will just go to bed. She might refuse to get up, even if her s/o asks her to. The best way to get her to get up is to tell her there's fireworks outside. She likes watching those.

[atamascolily]

I keep seeing people saying variations on "Gosh, I can't wait to see Madoka fight Homura in Walpurgis no Kaiten!" and while far be it from me to rain on anybody's parade (the id wants what it wants), I can't help doing a double-take every time this comes up, because it's so dramatically different from my own viewing experience and perception of the characters.

Apart from the inherent assumption that violence is the only possible method of conflict resolution, you're telling me that Madoka Kaname, who wants all magical girls to be friends and team up together to fight witches, who repeatedly throws herself in between angry combatants who could break her like a twig, who tosses her best friend's soul off a bridge to break up a fight, who faces down a witch on the faint hope of getting said friend back, who sacrifices herself so magical girls don't have to suffer anymore, and whose reaction to finding that her best friend has become a big scary monster in Rebellion is to rush over and hold her hand--is going to fight Homura, of all people?!

Let's just say I'll believe it when I see it.

It's not that Madoka isn't capable of violence--she made that abundantly clear when she shot Mami at point-blank range to save Homura--but to say it's not her preferred solution is a vast understatement. Being forced to kill both Mami and Sayaka in quick succession devastates her--and if Homura hadn't been present, there was a very real chance of Madoka becoming a witch herself in that moment. When we do see Madoka fight, she tends to win in a single shot, as in later timelines against Walpurgisnacht. Maybe Devil!Homura is the only one strong enough to stand against her--but that assumes that Madoka would ever choose to fight her in the first place, no matter how angry/hurt/betrayed she feels, and no matter what Homura has done.

Madoka is not only the show's title character, she is its moral center, and the literal heart (there's even one on her magical girl outfit to drive the point home); the goddess she becomes, while still bearing death, is guided by compassion and mercy, not aggression and cruelty. Even if she were to fight Homura, it would be very much a "I'll kick your ass to bring you back to reality" kind of fight rather than one to kill.

Homua might well see herself as Madoka's enemy, but I don't think Madoka sees Homura as hers. Their conflict is real and deserves to finally be addressed, but ultimately it be can only be resolved by honest communication with each other. You know, that one thing Homura simultaneously craves and shies away from in equal measures, so it isn't like this is going to be easy! True emotional openness and vulnerability requires far more courage than blowing stuff up and always has.

It's tempting to see Homura and Madoka's reification as two opposite and opposing forces to be the primary conflict moving forward, but I think that will ultimately prove to be a false dichotomy. If the two are truly on the same level, the yin to the other's yang, neither can win against the other in the end; the only true ending involves them united as equals.

Instead, I see Homura vs. herself to be the ultimate conflict, with "self" taking a wide variety of externally manifesting forms thanks to previously established worldbuilding. The key visual for Walpurgis no Kaiten appears to support this premise, with Homura facing off against another Homura, while Madoka hovers in the background. It's not that I think Madoka isn't important, but the framing here certainly does not suggest that a violent struggle between her and Homua will be a large part of the plot.

And sure, trailers and promotional materials can be misleading--but like Kyubey, they generally do so by putting the truth in plain sight and trusting the audience to mislead themselves.

[asnowdriftsomewhere]

Daylight pt8

Cassian x f!reader

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

AN: we have a longer one here, folks. Buckle in, I hope you enjoy!

Summary: You and Cassian have a difficult conversation

Warning: talking about illness, loss, and death.

Words count: 3317

The next morning, Cassian woke with dread in his heart and fear in his bones. You had not told him anything as you watched the stars together in taught silence. You had refused to say more than ‘not tonight’ when questioned by Rhysand and Feyre, who had approached you after more than an hour had passed. You simply stood and thanked them for the meal before taking the Illyrian by the hand and walking out to the front lawn. He understood without needing asked and shot you both into the sky towards the House of Wind. When he'd set you down on the veranda minutes later, you smiled at him. A small, brittle thing that made whatever vice around his heart squeeze and he'd struggled to let you go.

You saw the conflict in his gaze. The fear and need that wared in his hazel eyes as his fingers wrapped around your slender wrist. His hold on you wasn't painful, but it was unyielding, and you found your free hand going to his cheek in a gentle caress. You pulled his head down to your height so his brow rested against yours. You inhaled his scent of fire and wind and the first light of dawn and closed your eyes. Content to just breathe and just exist within this moment with him.

When you'd opened your eyes again, Cassian's hazel eyes had closed, and he was also breathing deeply. As if memorizing the scent of you, the feel of your hand on his face. You kissed the corner of his mouth. Just a quick press of your lips against his skin before you slipped your wrist free and disappeared into the hall. He stood there, frozen as he watched your retreating form vanish from sight. His heart beat wildly in his chest, and his soul longed to follow after you. To take you into his arms and never let you go. To protect and serve you for as long as he was able and find a way, any way, to convince you to fight for your life and not let whatever disease gripped you win. He didn't know what ailed you, which of the few fae illnesses had sunk its claws into your blood or bones, but he knew they all were deadly and that your chances were slim. But they were even slimmer if you did not wish to survive. If you did not wish to fight.

He stumbled, half asleep, into the dining room the next morning feeling as if he'd been fighting an entire army for hours with no end in sight. Rage and dread swirled around in his head like a cyclone fueled by his fear for what had not yet passed and what would become of him when it did. He hadn't known you long, but that didn't matter. His heart yearned for you in a way he had never experienced before. And he didn't know if he ever would again.

“You look awful,” your voice was small as he snapped his head up to see you curled in one of the low backed chairs at the table. Your knees were pressed to your chest, and a throw blanket was draped over your shoulder as you pushed eggs around on the half finished plate in front of you. And while you still glowed like the morning sunrise, just beginning to peak above the horizon, even that seemed dimmed as you rested your chin into the valley between your knees.

“So do you,” he breathed out heavily as he took his usual seat up the table from you.

“I couldn't sleep,” you admitted with the smallest shrug Cassian had ever seen before. If you hadn't been the subject of his entire focus, he would have missed the gesture entirely. “My thoughts kept circling like vultures.”

He nodded once, “Same.”

A plate of food appeared on the table before him and the two of you ate. That same taught silence from the night before stretching between you but heavier now. As if weighed down by every question and answer that neither of your dared to voice. Too afraid of everything that might be said once you began.

But you had to begin.

“A question for a question,” you whispered in a small voice. Your eyes never strayed from the plate in front of you.

You heard him swallow once, “Okay.”

There was another beat of silence while you both struggled with where to start before -

“What is the strip of light that follows you?” He asked suddenly. Your eyes snapped up to meet his in surprise. “I've seen it a few times. It reminds me of Azriel's shadows but…”

You lifted your head to nod once. “It is very similar.” You set one hand on the table and let the daylight slide from your skin. It pooled into a sphere, the size of a chicken egg, just beyond your fingertips before it moved. It seemed to stretch like a cat waking from a nap before it slithered across the dark wood to where Cassian watched. Something akin to wonderment flickering in those hazel eyes as he tracked the daylight that wrapped around his wrist.

“My sister and I were born different from the high fae of the Day Court,” you explained, watching his face closely as he marveled at the slip of light traveling up his muscular arm. “While your brother is called Shadowsinger, we are called Lightbringers. We glowe like sunlight lived in our blood and answered to our every whim.” Another ball of light slid from your fingers to pool on the table. A third appeared. A fourth.

“Like Azriel's shadows, my daylight can listen and whisper. Though they are significantly less stealthy.” You tipped your head to the side. Four sunbeams danced and played across his skin. One ducking into General's long hair only to pounce on one of the others and chase it around his thick neck. “And far more unruly.”

He laughed once, “They're like kittens.”

You laughed as well, “That is more true than you know.” Your face turned serious for a moment. “When did you first see them? They've never allowed themselves to be viewed by anyone other than my sister - my twin - and I before.”

“In the library the first time we met,” he answered as the daylight on his shoulder wiggled and jumped as if trying to get to the table. Only to slip and tumble down the arm below it. “When I was leaving, I saw it return back to you.”

Your expression became unreadable as you bit your bottom lip, “Interesting.”

“What is your twin's name?” He asked, his voice softening as he watched you.

You told him, a deep sigh escaping from your chest as you looked down at the table. “She died in the last raid of the Grand Library. Just before Amarantha was put down.”

“I'm sorry,” he offered. “I didn't know.”

“It's hard to talk about,” you admitted.

Another moment of silence passed between you. The Daylight on Cassian's skin was still swirling and playing. One of the beams appeared to be gnawing on his fingertips as they lay splayed across the table.

“Do you want to see something I've never shown anyone but her?” you asked softly, and he tipped his head to the side before nodding once. With the snap of your fingers, the daylight slid from his skin and gathered on the table. All four slips of light began circling each other. Swirling around and around as they lay flat and expanding against the dark wood surface until there was a swirling void of light the size of a dinner plate in front of him.

He blinked in confusion. “What…” his words trailed off as images and pictures began to form within the light. The Grand Library, with its towering pillars of gold and silver. A veritable mountain of books within the clear quartz structure. Courtiers and scholars walked through, some acknowledging you in the memory as you walked among them. Some were too deep in their debates to see the female who passed them. It never bothered you. Gods knew you'd been that way plenty of times. You smiled and looked up at Cassian, whose jaw had gone a bit slack as he looked from you to the memory playing across the table.

“I didn't know it was possible to share memories like this,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Outside of the Veritas, I mean.”

“It wasn't,” you smiled fully at him then, pride rippling off you in waves. It made you look younger, somehow. As if you were not weighed down by all you had endured. “This is new magic. A spell of my own design. You do not need to be a Lightbringer to perform it, but it certainly makes it easier.” Your expression fell as the image rippled and changed within the void. A female, a mirror image of you, smiled broadly and without restraint as you wandered the stacks collecting books. It rippled again, and now the two of you were standing on a balcony at dawn, as the winds of Day swept through your hair. Another ripple, and she was waking you up. It was the dead of night based on the darkness that could be seen through the wind behind her, but she didn't care. She wanted to show you her latest magical feat. A spell to allow fairies without wings, the ability to fly.

“It was a deal we made with each other,” you told him, not daring to drag your eyes from the image. “Any discoveries we made we were to show each other first. We were each other's biggest supporters. We wanted to share in the others' joy… And… And then…”

The image on the table changed. Every scholar and Courtier within the Grand Library went still as the warning from Helion's father went out. Amarantha was coming to sack the Day Court.

“My sister and I managed to hide a great many priceless books over those fifty years with our… talents.” You spoke as the images showed people grabbing tomes and scrolls and shoving them into a few sections of the library. You and your twin coming together to weave your magic around the stacks until every book and artifact vanished from sight. “Amarantha's cronies didn't know what we could do - Why we glowed. They just thought that it was some quirk of our bloodline and didn't bother to look into it. If they had, then they would have gotten rid of us much sooner. Whole wings of the library became barren under our glamor. Beyond a regular sight shield, our magic made it not only look empty but also felt vacant. Unworthy of the time it would take to explore it.

You sighed heavily, dropping your chin back onto your knee. “For fifty years, I rose with the dawn, and my sister woke at dusk to make sure one of us was always awake to maintain the spell that kept our most prized collections safe. But as the years went on, we became more and more tired and weak. We could never relax, never truly rest. And then…”

“One of you fell asleep,” he murmured.

“My head dropped for just a moment, but it was enough.” You closed your eyes as the memory played in the light. You were sitting by the window, the evening sun so low in the sky. A moment of black, and then you shot out of your seat. “The power of those books rippled through the library, and she woke up. She ran to the doors just as Amarantha's soldiers did, and they cut her down.”

Rage, old and familiar burned in your chest as the images played on the table. Your sister, your twin, beautiful and strong, unleashing a wave of daylight that burned the soldiers from the inside out. Boiling them alive at the cellular level until they were nothing but husks at her feet. And then she fell among them. Her injuries were too severe for her immortal blood to stave off death. You ran to her, held her in your arms, and cried as the light of her skin slowly dimmed and then winked out all together.

“A few hours later, Amarantha was dead, and Helion had returned to us.” You swallowed down the emotions that had risen up your throat and lifted your gaze to meet his. “He gave her a hero's funeral. Every honor he could bestow he did and I…” The image flickered to show you walking through the library. There was no light, no joy in the memory. Everything had gone dull and lifeless. Helion approached at one point, concern clearly expressed across his features, but you just pushed past him.

“I think part of me blamed him for not ending it sooner.” You admitted in a small voice. “I know it's stupid, but I was so angry in those first few months. I'm still angry at him, though, for a different reason now.” The image rippled to Helion coming to you and whisking you away to the Night Court where Rhysand was waiting for you with an offer to use his library below the House of Wind for the next six months. A look at your High Lord told you it wasn't a negotiation. And while now, a few months later, you could see the love and concern in his eyes, you remembered only feeling betrayal and rage in the moment. Helion was doing what he thought was best with the information he had. You couldn't fault him for that.

You looked up to Cassian, who had sat quietly enough through your story, to find him staring at you in return. It wasn't pain or sympathy that you saw there, but something like grim understanding. He knew what it was to lose someone and to rage at the world for it.

“Can you fly?” He asked, a nod towards the light that now swirled blankly over the dark wood of the table. “That spell she showed you… Can you still do it?”

You nodded once, the corners of your lips lifting just a bit, “The cost of magic is great, but yes. With enough rest, I could fly alongside you. Maybe even faster.”

He snorted, “In your dreams, Glowbug.”

Something in your chest fluttered at the nickname. Your cheeks blushed a faint pink as you smiled more freely at the Illyrian across from you.

The light on the table flickered and changed. The image of Cassian appeared, and you went entirely still. The Illyrian was lying flat on his stomach in his bed. His arms were wrapped around the pillow, his face was half concealed within, and soft snores could be heard coming from his body. You were sitting on the floor beside the bed. Your chin rested on your crossed arms as you watched the warrior sleep. There was a look in your eyes you weren't expecting to see. Something like soft bewilderment as you studied the smooth lines and rugged features of the General before you.

Your blush burned deeper now as the Illyrian at the table arched an eyebrow and looked to where you tried to curl in tighter on yourself. “The quirks aren't completely worked out,” you mumbled. “The magic tends to show what it wants.”

He cocked his head to the side. “You were in my room,” his lips curled in devilish delight. “Watching me sleep.”

“You'd been watching me,” you pressed your lips together as you looked away from the male across from you. “It only seemed fair that I returned the favor.”

“You fell asleep in a communal space of the house,” he pointed out. “And all I did was cover you with a blanket.”

You sighed heavily, your cheeks on fire as you made yourself look at him. “Do you want me to apologize?” There was no defensiveness to your tone. No aggression or irritation. Only a genuine offer should he want it.

Cassian shrugged once, “Don't worry about it. Trust me, Rhys and Az have done much worse than just watching me sleep.”

You laughed once, “Brothers usually do.” And another one of those smiles drifting across your face. The ones that made his heart beat unsteady and his lungs constrict in his chest. He found himself answering it with a grin of his own before your words from last night flitted through his mind.

“I'm sick.”

Like a wave of ice crashed over him, his body went rigid. His mind quickly counted questions before he slowly opened his mouth to ask. “What-”

“Don’t,” you stopped him. Your eyes turned pleading before they dropped to the table between you. “Please, don't ask.”

“Y/N,” his voice was soft as he reached a hand towards yours where it still rested on the table. “I want to understand.”

“You don't need to know what is killing me to understand that I will soon die.” Your own voice came out weak as you pulled your hand away before he could touch you. Wrapping your arms around your legs as you curled in tighter on yourself.

“You don't know that-”

“Come now, Cassian,” you laughed once, a sound with no joy in it, only cold resignation. “You know the statistics when it comes to Fae illnesses. This,” a nod towards yourself, “is worse. Trust me, there is no surviving it.”

“Then why the research?” He asked, anger leaking into his tone. “Why look into it if you don't have a chance?”

“Because despite what you think, I don't want to die.” You spat at him now. Your own rage rising to meet his. “I wished and prayed and researched, hoping to find something, anything to give me the barest hint of a chance, but there is nothing. Nothing to stop this. Nothing that can save me.

You swallowed back a sob as you pressed your eyes into your knees. “Last night, I went over it all again. Every scrap of research I had. And it all just confirmed what I already knew in my heart. In my soul.” You looked up at him again, tears spilling down your cheeks. “I'm already dead.”

Cassian didn't back down, his hands balling into fists on the table between you. “There must be something we can do. Someone we can ask- Madja-”

“You think I haven't been to every healer in the realm?” You demanded, your nails digging into your skin. “That I didn't think to seek a medical professional when I realized something was wrong?”

“I don't know what to think,” he nearly shouted at you as he leaned forward in his seat. “Because you won't tell me-”

“I am dying, Cassian!” You shouted back, “You are not entitled to any more information than that!” But even as you spoke, the light on the table shifted and changed. It showed the memory of your sister's death again. The glow of her skin slowly dimmed while you held her and wept. But it also showed you. Your own light flickering, your cries turning from devastation to pain as you collapsed to the floor beside your twin. It showed the bond between two bodies lying on the floor, one alive, the other dead. And it showed what you had always known, but no one ever understood. A sphere of light, gentle and sweet, with ropes of gold that touches the hearts of both females.

One soul, two bodies.

And the rip that severed you completely.

You heard Cassian's breath catch in his throat but didn't give him time to react before you were running. Out the door, across the veranda, and jumping over the edge so that you were in free fall. You only just saw him diving after you before you winnowed away entirely

AN

[jjkfangirl]

toji makes you squirt for the first time

Toji Fushiguro is your fuck buddy. You kind of hate him, because he's a deadbeat (and for some reason is cocky about it,) but he's a great fuck and hot as hell - so you enjoy fucking him for fun. Lots of late night booty calls and WYD texts. He generally fucks the shit out of you and then leaves - tonight is no different.

I just know of all the men in jjk toji would be the one that would just literally walk up to you, finger fuck the shit out of you effortlessly til you squirt, and then act like it was no big deal. and he'd be so fucking cocky about it too.

You were out for drinks with friends earlier in the evening when you stupidly decided to send Toji Fushiguro a “wyd” text around 9pm.

It wasn't that you regretted it.. it was just that if you were honest with yourself, he was kind of a piece of shit. Your relationship with Toji was a guilty pleasure... one that would never amount to anything more than casual sex. 

You may have semi hated him and his cocky-ass demeanor, but god.. god damn he was fucking hot. And such a good fuck, too.

By 9:15 you were sneaking off to the girls bathroom to text him a little up-skirt shot and another one with your shirt pulled up, breasts partially out, and tits pressed together with a cute little winky kissy face. It didn't take much to entice him to come over anyway, but you felt like being a little extra flirty this evening.

Maybe it was the alcohol.

You hit send and within 60 seconds had a reply: “i'll be at ur place in 40 mins. u better not be wearing panties when I get there”

FUCK. The response had your pussy fucking throbing. 

Ten minutes later, you were in the backseat of a cab on the way home. You were sitting with your legs crossed, rubbing your thighs together slightly and clenching your muscles trying desperately to get a little friction to your clit. You kept thinking about his broad shoulders and muscular arms.. the way he would pick you up with ease and throw you around. His large hands. How tall he was.. how big and thick his cock was.. all the ways he'd rag-doll fuck you. How he had this ability to somehow effortlessly get you off multiple times, every single time, all with this little fucking cocky half grin (which you loved and hated.)

For some reason, that fucker just knew exactly what to do to get you off. And he confidently did, every time.

You were lost in your fantasy of him when the cab driver said (for the second time,) “We're here, Miss.” Shaking your head slightly out of your wet-daydream, you thanked him and slid out of the car – secretly hoping you didn't leave a wet spot on the leather seats.

You were fully soaked through your panties at the thought of Toji.

You quickly got yourself in the house, went to the bathroom to freshen up, and laid down on the couch. Remembering his orders, you pulled your slick soaked panties off your legs and tossed them on the coffee table. You had a feeling he might like seeing those when he came in the door.

You shot him a quick text: “doors unlocked” and waited for him to arrive. Lazily fondling your nipples and grazing across your clit through your skirt. You wondered what he might have planned – if anything. 

Right around 10, Toji showed up.

He knocked at the door and then promptly entered.

The tall man who crossed the threshold into your living room was wearing dark straight leg jeans, boots, and a light gray sweater. You could see his traps and collar bones just above the loose neck of the shirt. His broad shoulders, chest, and biceps nearly stretching the sweater to its limit. You could smell that he had just showered, and his hair still looked a little wet as it fell into his face. 

Toji's eyes shot around the room - noting the panties on the coffee table with a smirk – and then finally settled on your body sprawled out on the couch. You had yourself propped up on a few pillows, one knee bent and leaning against the back cushions, the other was lazily spread open, foot hanging off the couch. You weren't sure, but you hoped he was getting a little glimpse of your pussy from under your dark navy blue pleated skirt.

And just as you expected, there was his cocky fucking grin, accented by a small scar around his mouth. You never asked how he got that.

“Missed me, huh?” he grinned and came to sit down at the couch. “You just can't get enough of me these days, can you?” He leaned in closer.

“Oh just.. Shut the fuck up Toji,” you said with a dramatic eye roll. 

He sniggered and grabbed the panties off the table, “I see you listened to my directions. Good girl.”

You struggled to keep yourself from smiling at the praise, shaping your lips into something of a pursed smug half-smile.

“Go on. Lemme see.” he smirked, eyes darting down to your skirt's hemline and back up to your face.

You rolled your lips in, slightly biting on your lower lip as you released them. Your hand made its way down to your skirt hem and ever-so-slowly began pulling it up with one finger. You enjoyed teasing Toji as much as you could. Bratting a little bit, even, just trying to get some kind of reaction out of him.

Toji growled out a “mmmmmm” as his eyes feasted on your wet pussy. He quickly tossed the panties in his hand behind him, and they landed somewhere on the floor across the room. “Can I...?” he asked gently, tracing his hand lightly along the inside of your bent thigh. You nodded, “mmhm” once again biting your lips to keep yourself from smiling.

Toji traced his fingers lightly along your inner thighs, your ass, and your pelvis – avoiding everywhere you actually wanted him to touch you. That fucking bastard.

You loved it though. Your pussy clenched and you were sure he could see it from the way he was studying the view under your skirt as he teased you relentlessly. Your breathing got a little harder.

“Hm.. seems like you want something y/n.. wanna tell me what that is?”

He got another eye roll from you in response as you quickly grabbed your skirt and pushed it down between your legs, covering your heat.

Toji grabbed your hands with his so quickly you didn't even realize what was happening before he had them pinned over your head. “Tsk tsk tsk.. what's that all about? You little fucking brat. I know you want this.” That fucking cocky smirk was plastered all over his face once again. Your eyes rolled. His other hand reached down and flipped the front of your skirt up once again as he met your eyes.

You loved playing these stupid games with Toji... always trying to get him worked up enough that he'd start man handling you and throwing you around.

And it always fucking worked.

Toji took a finger and wet it in his mouth. He pressed gently down on the top of your clit, and then slowly slid it down your wet slit, pausing just outside the opening. “You may be acting like you don't want this, you little brat, but your pussy is telling me otherwise.” You licked your lips and bit the bottom one in response. You were sure you were incredibly slick - he could have shoved multiple fingers in your slick hole all at once – you had honestly been wet since that text he sent an hour ago when you were at the bar.

“Nothing to say, hm?” as he slid a finger into you, rotating it and curling it up to touch that heavenly spot inside of you.

You took a deep sigh and let out a breathy moan on the exhale. 

“Oh.. fuuckk” you whimpered as he started to slowly pump his finger inside of you, curling the tip around to hit your g-spot. You felt butterflies forming in your stomach, almost getting light headed at the sensation.

“That's what I thought.” he said confidently, still pinning your wrists over your head and caging you into the couch – face about a foot from yours.

He watched intently as your breathing picked up the pace and you started to squirm under his touch. Trying to fuck yourself down onto his finger as much as you could even though he had you pinned from above.

Toji lifted himself up to have better leverage over you, while still pinning your wrists. He was now kneeling with one knee between your legs, the other foot on the floor off the couch. He slid a second finger in carefully, never looking away from your face. You could tell he enjoyed seeing what kind of response he could get out of you as he controlled your body so expertly. God he was good - but something about how confident he was really pissed you off.

You loved it as much as you hated it.

His two fingers milked you rhythmically as his dark blue eyes bored into yours. The eye contact was intense, and you were sure your pupils were blown out black with lust and your cheeks and chest were flushed with heat. Your moans got louder and louder the more rough he got with his hands.

Toji picked up the pace even faster, and your moans and cries got louder and more unhinged. His two curved fingers began pumping up and down inside of you, hitting the same spot over and over and over. He was unrelenting, even as you squirmed and squealed beneath him, trying to pull away. 

“Toji.. Toji.. Toji.. ah.. fuck! Fuck! S'too much.. shit!” you cried out while writhing beneath him.

He just smiled and kept finger fucking the shit out of you. Never letting up, never changing what he was doing, and still pinning you down by the wrists. The control and stamina he had was absolutely insane.

You started to feel something a little unfamiliar growing inside your core. It felt like an orgasm, but you weren't sure. Were you about to squirt? It was so overstimulating, you had no idea how to even respond outside of squealing and screaming and crying out – words completely escaped you. This man had full fucking control over your body, and you were completely at his mercy.

Toji went even faster, faster than you thought was humanely possible. Just then, you cried out, and gushed and squirted around his fingers. “Fuuu-uuu—c-kkk... Tojiiiiiii fuck!” juices squirted out of you and drenched the sofa and the bottom of your skirt as you released. Toji quickly took his hand off of your wrists and began frantically rubbing your clit with the flats of his fingers. He started pumping his other hand in and out of you and another release quickly followed the first. You clenched and throbbed around his fingers, tremors rolling through your entire body, hips bucking and rutting into his hands. The whole thing was so overstimulating you weren't even sure what happened.

But... Toji did. That fucker.

“I knew I was going to get you to squirt tonight.” He said, sighing and plopping himself down on the couch after releasing his fingers from your soaking wet cunt. He was very much satisfied with himself and the reaction he drew from your body.

Your face was bewildered, “Wh—wha-- um... what?”

“What's wrong?” he laughed, “You've never squirted before?” he mocked.

You were literally speechless. You didn't even think that was something you could do. You weren't even sure it was real prior to this moment. You were also certain your face probably looked stupid as you tried to mentally and physically collect yourself and piece yourself back together. All while that mother fucker laid back, admiring the mess he made of you.

“Um.. no.. wow I..I.. I didn't even know I could do that.” You finally laughed. 

“Well good thing you called me up, right? God, you made a fucking mess. You might want to clean that up or you might end up with a stain on this couch.” He slapped the seat cushion and you wanted to fucking punch him.

“You had this planned and you couldn't have put a towel down??” You still were laying back on the couch, dumbfounded, numb and tingling from your releases, only just barely getting the ability to piece sentences together.

Toji laughed, “Couldn't ruin the surprise now, could I?”

He got an eye roll in response.

[canisbrutus]

hi.. wave… inbox return

can i request trentlius or jimpete stuff??? or those characters separately??? i yearn for petey content.. yes

yes yeeeeees my friend, ill hook you up with some trentlius for now, and i'll see about the rest after i sort my other requests. ahems.

Trent & Cornelius 🎬📊

alright. so. these two are doomed to fall apart in my pov.

so i apologize if this is a bit of a downer for you but they still got some interesting quirks to play off of.

the way i see it, trent is a guy with problems. they both do admittedly but trent's are more glaringly obvious.

one of trent's lines admits he drinks cough syrup. and one of cornelius' lines mentions his own grandpa smells like galloway.

and for those unaware: drinking cough syrup (presumably Nyquil here) is kinda just like. a Worse drunk.

like booze it fills your head with a cloud. but it also fills your body with Lead. instantly.

having a panic attack? so pissed off you just wanna break some bones? feeling yourself about to spiral about your own worthless future? about being scum of the earth?

take a shot and all that will grind to a halt.

as some may say. 'that ichor is an anchor of apathy.'

cough syrup might not kill your brain the same way alcohol will but it Will fuck up your organs. acetaminophen will land you in a hospital bed or a Casket if you overdo that one.

that being said, cornelius probably has some hangups about it affecting intelligence and his social state at Best, considering his experience with his grandpa and focus on intellect.

very strong point of tension for arguments and whatnot.

(sidenote: as somebody who was dependent on nyquil to cope before i could legally drink, i know what im talkin about here. if you wanna know more details abt that feel free to ask)

anyway in general cornelius strikes me as somewhat of a prude.

no drinking no drugs. not much of a thrillseeker.

on stage he could be anything, but outside of it? he needed perfect grades to get into those major colleges. no room for distractions, no room for error.

trent is very much the opposite.

he doesnt have many prospects academically so he throws himself into acting. gotta go to hollywood, go big or go home, as they say.

that being said. trent Did convince him to come out and have some fun on occasion.

it was always so funny seeing squeal and screech at everything.

though trent probably got slapped a few times for laughing at him like the rest of the school does.

but: they liked watching movies together, picking apart actor's mannerisms and themes and whatnot.

reenacting them on occasion.

i can see them going stargazing, too. those clear summer nights.

cornelius likely wanted to work for nasa. his heroes were those calculator women that got us to the moon, probably.

summer nights, yeah. bullworth has a year-round schedule.

and id wager things broke off... either early in chapter 1 or just before jimmy arrives in school.

cornelius had looked up to earnest greatly. and when they were caught having a moment in the library... well. ultimately cornelius trusted his judgement when earnest degraded That bond and told him not to associate with such ruffians.

he was Better than that, after all.

trent didnt take that the greatest. but he did pick himself up and move on to, you know, Kirby.

was he completely fine after that? no. but he was an Actor. so it didnt matter as long as he Looked fine.

regardless. in earnest's speech running for class president, he mentions cutting off The Arts. which includes theatre.

which almost certainly felt like a stab in the back for cornelius, and brought Doubt into his mind.

he'd begun isolating himself further, 'ivory tower' and all that, just throwing himself into his studies completely as to avoid becoming vulnerable with anyone again.

that Doubt was later confirmed when earnest goaded the jocks into attacking them for a quick wank; earnest did Not have their interests at heart.

after that, well. i'm sure cornelius wanted to apologize, to take back how distant he'd been, to maybe rekindle what he lost with trent.

even if they did struggle together at times, trent had begun pulling him out of his sheltered view, and cornelius had seen through his act and shown him genuine Care.

music blast

[hc masterpost link]

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

You seem to be the headcanon person of the fandom. How do you think Sherliam would handle a serious argument/disagreement? Idk like their arguing styles? Who apologizes/gives in first? Things like that.

First off, love the idea that I am the headcanon person haha!

One of the fic prompts I'm working on involves this idea, but in a fun and sexy kinda way, so lemme take a shot at it a little more seriously, though a fair amount of what I'm gonna say may pop up in that fic later. This in itself kind of devolved into borderline fic as I went...and then crackfic at the end lol. 😅

I have a headcanon that Sherlock has a lot of underlying anxiety during their early days in NYC: that he hasn't really had the opportunity to deal with his own trauma from watching someone he loves attempt suicide, risking his own life and being injured himself, and spending months not knowing if William would wake up.

I don't think they often have serious disagreements, but the first few times they do, because of that lingering anxiety and stress, I imagine Sherlock just immediately backs down when things start to get stressful. And he's stewing internally over all the comebacks and points he desperately wants to make, but it's not worth it when he's so terrified that any sincere conflict between them might push Liam back to a dark place.

But a couple of months go by after Vermissa, and Liam is more and more okay every day, and one day some sincere yet ultimately unimportant argument comes up: maybe something to do with preparing for a mission, or a disagreement about something in one of their academic journals. And they're snarking back and forth a little, but there's a bit of a sincere edge to it. Then Liam says something and instantly, the perfect sassy comeback is right on the tip of Sherlock's tongue, but he swallows it down and says something milder instead, and Liam is suddenly all laser eyed observation, frowning at him.

And then all the pieces click together in Liam's head, and he understands what's going on. And he stops to tell Sherlock in no uncertain terms that he is not as fragile as Sherlock seems to think, and that them being on equal footing is important to him, and that honestly he quite likes Sherlock's sharp wit even when it's directed at him, and enjoys returning in kind.

From then on even serious disagreements are handled with playful bickering and snarking. They have a good sense of each other's sensitivities and how to avoid them, and it's rare for either to go too far and cause any hurt, but when it does happen the one who did so is always quick to apologize. Basically they just think squabbling is a lot of fun.

Once, Billy witnesses them pick an entirely unnecessary and random fight with each other, both grinning and clearly having the time of their lives, and he throws up his hands and says,

"Y'know, it doesn't actually count as makeup sex if you start the fight just for the sex!"

[senashenta]

Storm Season: Chapter Eight

Title: Storm Season (Chapter Eight)

Pairing: Destiel

Rating: E

Warnings: Language, Violence, Smut

Summary: “Dean Winchester is Saved.” The angels all say, clear as a bell—and Dean crawls out of his own grave. Shortly after, he meets the person who pulled him out of Hell, and it turns out to be CASTIEL. Seven years after Cas vanished off the face of the Earth, Dean is suddenly confronted with his former lover again, only this time he’s not just a regular college kid—he’s an ANGEL, and Dean just doesn’t know how to compute that AT ALL.

But even after all these years, Dean can’t deny that he still has feelings for Cas, even as he and Sam embark on an out-of-place-palraijuq Hunt in Louisiana. Not even a giant crocodile monster can keep his attention when Cas comes around—and just like before, the angel is very, very distracting, bringing up Dean’s love for him once more. But things aren’t as simple as when they were younger and Cas was human, and it will take a lot of work before Dean can trust Cas again.

Notes: ashmined: Sally will make an appearance in one of the post-SS one-shots, don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about her! Thank you for your comment! <3

Smut in this chapter! :D;

ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3.

STORM SEASON ET AL TUMBLR MASTER POST HERE.

STORM SEASON Chapter Eight By Senashenta

By the time Sam and Bobby got up, Dean and Cas had been up for nearly three hours and sitting in the kitchen for most of that time. Dean had gone through an entire pot of coffee by himself and put on a second one. He and Cas had whiled away the hours talking. Just… talking. About all sorts of things. Getting caught up on everything they had missed over the last seven years—and millennia in Heaven. Cas already knew most of it, but it was good to talk it out with Dean anyway, and for Dean a lot of it was new.

When Bobby came wandering into the kitchen around nine o’clock, he hummed an appreciative noise at the fresh pot of coffee and made a beeline to it, immediately pouring himself a steaming mug. Sam joined them about half an hour later and did much the same thing. Eventually all four of them were sitting around, the three humans drinking their coffee and the angel just watching bemusedly. He fondly remembered the days when he had relied on caffeine to get him going in the mornings, too.

They had eggs for breakfast again, this time with sausage, and Dean did the cooking when Bobby called them freeloaders and tapped out. Sam had just snorted at that.

After breakfast they went back outside for another short spear-throwing session, just to make sure, and just like before, Sam came out on top, though Dean and Cas were only a hair behind him. They were beginning to think they might actually be able to do this. It was a huge relief, to say the least, especially knowing the odds they were up against.

Then, around one o’clock that afternoon, after a quick lunch of sandwiches they basically slapped together, Dean and Sam packed up their things and Cas gathered the spears, and the three of them prepared to return to New Orleans.

“Well,” Bobby said as Sam was shoving his laptop into his shoulder bag and Dean was coming into the kitchen hauling his duffle bag, “I wish you the best of luck with this one. Try not to get yourselves killed, ya idjits.” And then a nod toward Cas; “make sure you keep the angel close.”

“I won’t be going anywhere.” Cas assured him. “I’m in this Hunt all the way.”

“Good.” Bobby grunted, “because if anything happens to either of these boys, I’m holdin’ you accountable.”

Cas smiled slightly, then glanced toward Dean and added, “I’m in everything all the way. You don’t have to worry.”

Bobby didn’t respond in words but gave him a look that very clearly said if he hurt Dean again, the older man would find a way to end him and then do it. Cas met his gaze seriously, then gave a short nod… and then Bobby was relaxing again, leaning back against the counter and glancing between the three of them. “Have a good trip back.” He said with more than a little sarcasm.

Dean made a little blegh sound. He wasn’t a big fan of Cas’s flight. It made his stomach twist in on itself, made his knees go wonky. Sam just shrugged; it didn’t bother him in the least anymore, not after the first couple of times. Cas just chuckled and stepped over to place his hands on Dean and Sam’s shoulders—Dean carrying duffle bags and Sam carrying his laptop bag and the spears—then nodded to Bobby—and instantly transported them all back to their motel in New Orleans.

The second they made touchdown Dean dropped the duffle bags with a muffled thud and grabbed onto Cas’s shoulder for balance. Cas reached up to steady him with a hand on the small of his back, and a moment later he had his feet under him again and was bending down to pick the duffles up from the floor. He headed over to toss Sam’s on his bed, then took his own over to drop it onto the ground next to his own bed and complained, “makes my stomach feel like it’s trying to crawl up into the back of my throat.”

“Sorry.” Cas apologized. “Some people handle it better than others.”

Sam, for example, had been very mildly put off the first couple of times Cas had transported him, but subsequent times he hadn’t even blinked an eye. Now he was moving over to stand the three spears he was carrying up in the corner of the room, and glanced toward his brother to goad, “don’t be such a little girl.”

“I’m not being a little girl,” Dean bitched back, “we were in South Dakoda two seconds ago, Sam, it’s not natural!”

“It’s natural for Cas.” Sam pointed out with a smirk.

“Yeah well, Cas is a freaking angel, and I’m not.” Dean informed him; “there’s a huge difference.”

Cas just watched them bicker with an amused smile on his face. After a brief pause, he headed over to stand next to Dean and reached to take hold of his hand, tangling their fingers together loosely and tugging gently. “Are you okay? Really. I know flight can be… jarring, sometimes.”

Dean hesitated for just a split second before tightening his hand in Cas’s and offering a little smile. “I’ll be fine. It just takes a minute or two for the wonky feeling in my guts to go away.”

“Sorry.” Cas apologized again, but returned his smile, just soft and fond—the kind of smile that made Sam, across the room, make a mildly disgusted noise and start digging out his computer so he had something to distract himself from the overly affectionate atmosphere. Cas glanced over toward Sam and his smile widened. “Sorry, Sam, we’re just…”

“You guys are you again,” Sam supplied when he trailed off, already booting up his computer, “it’s just been a long time. I need to get used to it again. Seeing my brother all… lovey, you know? I’m not used to it like I was back in school.” Then he added, as if in an afterthought, “it’s a good thing. I’m happy for you. But still, just… eugh.”

Dean rolled his eyes at that, but Cas actually laughed. He squeezed Dean’s hand again and returned his attention to him, leaning in to kiss by his jaw gently. “Just be glad that your brother is happy for us, Dean.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean released his hand and sat down on the edge of the bed to untie his boots and pull them off, then just stretched out on the mattress and shuffled over to make room for Cas. “C’mon.”

“Oh, God, you’re gonna cuddle.” Sam complained.

Cas chuckled, but quickly shrugged out of his trench coat and draped it over the back of a chair, followed by his suit jacket, and then took his own shoes off before returning to the bed and crawling onto it beside Dean, settling cuddled into his side, one arm tucked against his chest and his head resting by Dean’s shoulder. Dean just wrapped an arm around him, bringing that hand up to card his fingers through Cas’s hair gently while Cas traced absent circles against his shirt with his fingers.

This time Sam didn’t pack up and leave, he just continued working on his laptop, researching their current job as well as possible future jobs and ignoring the fact that his brother and Cas were tucked up in bed together not ten feet away. They weren’t naked or groping each other or anything, so he figured it was fine. And it was nice to see Dean happy again after so long.

There was comfortable silence between the three of them for a while before Dean closed his eyes and rumbled out, “don’t think I’ve forgotten about our date later.”

Cas’s eyes were already closed, and he smiled slightly, his fingers catching in the material of Dean’s t-shirt, stopping their mindless tracing for the moment. “I haven’t, either.” He told Dean softly, “but what are we going to do on this date, hm?”

Dean’s hand continued to stroke through Cas’s hair, then paused to tug, just gently. “I think we should go to a diner, like we did on our first date, way back in high school. I… know you don’t eat anymore, but I think it’s… nostalgic. You know?”

Cas’s smile grew slightly, and he opened his eyes and picked his head up off Dean’s shoulder, tilting to press a kiss into his jaw warmly. “I understand. That sounds perfect, Dean.”

“Anything to get you two out of the motel room.” Sam piped up, adding his two cents.

Green eyes opened and Dean glared across the room at his brother. “You mind your damn business.” Sam snorted but didn’t reply otherwise, and Dean just turned his attention back to Cas and angling his head for a proper kiss, then humming happily when the angel returned it easily. “It’s a date then. There’s a diner downtown that’s got really good pecan pie, we can go there.”

Cas chuckled and kissed him again. “You love pie more than you love me.” He accused fondly.

Dean just grinned at him. “Oh, absolutely.”

Across the room, Sam didn’t look up but definitely gave a little snort of laughter.

-- --

That night, just before dinner time, after an afternoon of whittling away the time with cuddles, the occasional sarcastic comment from Sam, and then an actually very serious sit-around-the-table chat over the job they were about to embark on, Dean and Cas packed up and headed out to find the diner with the fantastic pecan pie. Dean insisted they walk rather than Cas flying them, even though Cas did make the offer—which he later would have rescinded anyway if he’d realized that Dean didn’t even remember the name of the place.

It wasn’t a very nice day out, really. Hurricane Gustav was incoming, and New Orleans had been battered by the preceding storms for the last few days. They had missed most of the bad weather in South Dakota, but now it was obvious another storm was coming in hard and fast. It was overcast and the sky rumbled occasionally—the heavens were grumbling.

Still, Dean was in a good mood as they walked, taking Cas’s hand with only a brief hesitation as they made their way downtown and to the diner in question. It took some searching, because Dean couldn’t remember the name of the diner, only that it started with an ‘S’, until they eventually stumbled upon it, and he exclaimed excitedly; “here! This is the one!”

Cas looked up at the sign and asked, “you couldn’t remember ‘South By Southeast’?”

Dean elbowed him in the side lightly. “Don’t be mean.”

Cas chuckled and they headed inside and found a booth in a private back corner where they could talk about anything without worrying about someone overhearing. Cas shrugged out of his trench coat and left it on the seat beside him, loosening his tie as well to be more comfortable.

When the waitress came by to take their drink orders, Cas surprised Dean by ordering a coffee, and once again when their drinks were delivered and he didn’t even add any cream or sugar to it, just picked it up and took a sip of it while it was still distinctly black. Dean didn’t comment, though, because he was too busy ordering his food—and Cas politely declined any, of course. The waitress just shrugged and headed off to put in Dean’s order

The two of them chatted about nothing in particular until Dean’s food—a burger and fries, naturally—was delivered, at which point the conversation dwindled a little while he dug into his burger. The waitress came by a few minutes later to refill both their coffees and Cas thanked her politely.

When he was done his burger and (most of) his fries, Dean pushed his plate away, and when the waitress came back around to collect the dishes, Dean asked for a slice of their delicious pecan pie. She winked at him and headed off to get it for him, returning a couple minutes later to deliver it—along with two forks. Cas just smiled and slid his fork away. The waitress refilled their coffee again before she vanished to take care of other tables.

Dean waited until she was out of sight and then just groaned out a happy noise around a bite of pie and closed his eyes. Once he’d finished the bite in his mouth, he scooped up another forkful, smiling widely, “I really wish I could share this with you, Cas, it’s fantastic.”

“Sadly, I wouldn’t taste it the same as you.” Cas agreed and took another sip of his coffee with a little, fond smile. “I’m glad you like it, though.” Then he shifted slightly in his seat and asked, “is there anything you want to talk about while we’re out, Dean? I mean… real things. Not just small talk.”

Dean finished the bite of pie in his mouth and scooped up another one but paused at Cas’s question. “I have a lot of things I want to talk about with you, but… I, ah, was wondering…”

Cas tilted his head slightly. “You were wondering?”

“Yeah, um, so… you still age, even though you’re an angel? I mean, you’re obviously older now than you were when we were together before. But aren’t angels immortal?” Dean quickly closed the distance and took his next bite of pie once the questions were out.

“Essentially. But my Vessel continues to age here on Earth. Eventually this body will grow old and die, and I’ll have to take a new one.” Cas shrugged and tapped one finger against his coffee cup, “I’ve had Vessels before this one, and I’ll have others after it.”

Dean considered that for a moment before hesitating and setting his fork down, half his pie still on the plate. He looked down at the table for a long moment before finally stating softly; “so, we could have a life together, then.”

Cas smiled a little. “Yes,” He said softly, “if that’s what you wanted.”

And unlike when they were younger, Cas wasn’t a ‘civilian’ anymore. They had talked about it in the past, and always said there was no way Cas could go on the road with Dean because it was too dangerous for him. But now he was an angel, was perfectly capable of defending himself against most anything, and maybe he would have to come and go, spend time in Heaven as well as with Dean, but…

Dean took a slightly shaky breath and picked his fork back up, but rather than starting to eat again, he just poked at the pie, picking the remaining pecans out and pushing them around the plate. “Is that what you want?” He asked finally.

“It’s what I’ve always wanted.” Cas replied with another smile, “ever since the moment I met you.”

“What about your—your duties in Heaven? That kind of thing?”

“I would have to return to Heaven to fulfill my obligations there from time to time, but I could spend a lot of my life with you. We could be together in a way we never could before. You wouldn’t have to worry about my safety like you used to.” Reaching out, Cas grasped Dean’s wrist gently, stopping his hand from stirring the pie around and making him look up again. “Dean, it’s probably too soon to be talking about this.”

Dean looked at him, expression unreadable, and then told him, “I’ve been in love with you for thirteen years, I think this talk is way overdue, actually.”

Cas gave him a soft look. “But for seven of those years you thought I was dead. This is all very new, again. I don’t want to screw things up right from the start.”

“The fact that I thought you were dead all that time is the reason I—” But Dean cut himself off, looking down and setting his fork down again. He reached to take hold of Cas’s hand. “I don’t want to screw things up, either. Not after everything.”

“So, let’s just… table this conversation for now. Okay?” Cas said gently.

“Yeah. Okay.” Dean agreed. He pushed his mangled pie away from him with a sigh, then nodded toward Cas’s coffee. “I thought you don’t eat.”

“I don’t, but I…” Cas trailed off with a smile and an almost fond glance down at the cup in front of him, “I guess I couldn’t let it go. I had to hang on to some small things from my human life, even just something like coffee, or my trench coat, or Charlie’s bracelet. Anyway, it still tastes like molecules, but… I guess I developed a taste for that.”

“You drink it black now.”

“Yes, ah… the cream and sugar molecules aren’t very good. Black is much more palatable.”

“I knew you’d come to the dark side, eventually.” Dean gave a lopsided grin. He was still holding Cas’s hand and neither of them seemed willing to let go right away—in fact Cas carefully adjusted his hand in Dean’s to thread their fingers together. Dean’s grin faded into a soft smile. He glanced down. “If we’re starting from the beginning, you know our first first date ended in sex, right?”

Cas gave a startled laugh. “It did!” And then, sounding amused, “is that what you want from this, Dean?”

“I wouldn’t turn it down,” Dean told him, sounding amused, himself. He looked back up, the little grin back on his face. “And we’ve already screwed… in this life, I mean. Though... I really should apologize for that, too, I was… I was rough. I treated you badly. I was still really angry and I just…”

A little squeeze of his hand and Cas shook his head, “you don’t have to apologize. I understand. I understood when it happened. And I enjoyed it anyway. I mean, obviously. I wanted so desperately to be with you…” He smiled slightly, an ironic little quirk of his lips; “I think maybe we were both taking advantage of each other in that moment. It wasn’t great of either of us, but we’ve moved past where we were then, haven’t we?”

Dean let out a little breath but nodded. “It’s in the past. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Cas gave him a fond look. “You did, a little bit.” He admitted, “but it was a good kind of hurt. I think at the time I needed it. And I heal quickly.”

Dean tightened his grip on Cas’s hand slightly. “I’m sorry anyway.”

Because he had promised himself long ago that he would never hurt Cas—not on purpose anyway—and now it turned out he had done just that, blinded by his own rage and grief. But Cas understood, and like he’d said, the way Dean had treated him when they’d had sex a short time ago had been welcome. He had needed Dean to treat him that roughly, a kind if penance after everything he’d put the man through.

So, now he just smiled gently again and sighed. “I know. But there’s nothing to forgive, Dean, I promise. Anyway, it’s in the past, right?”

“…right. Right.” Dean agreed, somewhat weakly.

Cas picked up his coffee and downed the last of it, then pushed the cup away from himself and tilted his head, changing the topic entirely; “should we go? As I recall, on our first first date, we followed dinner up with a walk around town. I think we should continue that tradition with this first date, too.”

Sliding out of his side of the booth, Cas stood, still holding Dean’s hand, and tugged at him gently until Dean climbed out of the booth as well. Dean took his hand back long enough to dig out the cash to leave for their meal, and then, somewhat hesitantly, reached to take hold of Cas’s hand again. Cas smiled and headed for the door.

Walking around New Orleans was interesting—it was a fascinating town for the architecture alone—but the weather was terrible. The hurricane lead-up storms were still coming in hot and heavy. This particular evening it wasn’t actually raining, by some miracle, but it was darkly overcast and terribly muggy.

Also, there were approximately twenty billion mosquitoes, which didn’t seem too interested in bothering Cas but loved Dean.

They called their walk off after only forty-five minutes, after Dean began complaining of impending anemia, and then complained more when Cas laughed at his over dramatics. They walked hand-in-hand back to the motel, Dean smacking at mosquitoes and Cas smiling amusedly to himself the entire way.

When they got there, they were both privately disappointed (but not surprised) to find Sam in the room. The younger Winchester was reading through a heavy hardcover book when they walked in and smiled when he saw them together, then absolutely clocked that they were holding hands.

Dean saw Sam’s eyes flick downward and flushed red—“shut up, Sammy!”—then stomped over to his bed, dragging Cas along with him. Once there, he kicked his boots off, made Cas take off his shoes too, flopped onto the mattress and pulled Cas down as well, trench coat and all, maneuvering them around until they were cuddled up properly and then finally settling. Cas just went along with it, tucking into Dean’s side—right where he’d always belonged.

For his part, Sam just rolled his eyes and went right back to his book, flipping through the pages idly until finally drawling, “I bet you guys would love if I went out for a while right about now, huh?”

Dean let his head fall back against the pillows. “Screw you, Sam.”

Sam smirked. “I feel like you’d rather be screwing Cas.”

Cas chuckled softly. “He’s not entirely wrong.”

Sam stretched his arms above his head, arching until his back popped before slamming his book closed with a dull bang. “You know, I think I might find myself a bar to hang at for a while,” He announced, making Dean narrow his eyes at him like this was some sort of particularly mean-spirited trick. “I’ll be back in, what, does a couple hours sound good to you two?”

Dean was still eyeing him with suspicion.

Cas hid a smile against Dean’s chest and whispered, “say ‘thank you’ to your brother, Dean.”

Dean grumbled but managed, “…thanks, Sammy.”

Sam snorted, but he was grinning. “Don’t mention it. And I mean seriously. Don’t ever mention it.” He grabbed his wallet, shoving it into his pocket as he headed for the door, “when I get back, I’ll knock before I come in. Please be dressed when I do.”

“I promise nothing.” Dean told him firmly.

Sam’s response was just to close the door too loudly behind himself.

There was a beat where neither Dean nor Cas moved, both of them looking toward the door in case Sam had forgotten something or changed his mind like they were living some cosmic joke—but when his younger brother didn’t come back in the door immediately, Dean quickly turned his attention to grasping Cas by the side of the neck and pulling him into a kiss.

Cas went willingly, humming out a content noise, adjusting so he was laying half-overtop Dean while they kissed, slow and warm and languid, getting to know each other properly again after such a long time. Dean’s hand remained holding firm at the side of Cas’s neck, his other hand coming up to rest by Cas’s hip. For Cas’s part, his own hands were just kneading, one in the blankets and the other against Dean’s chest, fingers catching in the fabric of his t-shirt.

It wasn’t that sex was forbidden to angels, necessarily, though it was looked down upon by a great many, it was more that interpersonal relationships were frowned upon in general. But as Cas had said before, he had turned into a rule-breaker after returning from his time on Earth, and he wasn’t about to stop now. Not when he finally had Dean close to him again after so very, very long. He would continue to be the rebellious son.

Especially if rebelling meant pushing himself up and shrugging out of his trench coat, tossing it on the floor, then going for Dean’s overshirt, only to have the man below him grab at his tie and drag him back down for more increasingly heated kisses.

“Not gonna lie,” Dean murmured against Cas’s lips with a grin, “the tie is kind of hot. You still don’t tie it right, though. It’s backwards.”

“A lot of things are backward with me.” Cas replied with a sigh, reaching up to pull Dean’s hand away so he could loosen his tie and then pull it over his head. It joined his coat on the floor.

Dean pouted just a little. “I liked that.” Then he grinned and grabbed at Cas, flipping them over so he was on top of the angel instead. “Someday I’m going to fuck you with you wearing just that tie and it’s going to be so Goddamn good.”

Cas laughed, smiling widely up at Dean. “But not tonight.”

“No, not tonight.” Dean agreed, running his hands from Cas’s shoulders down to his abdomen—and then abruptly hooking his fingers in the fabric of Cas’s shirt and yanking, sending buttons flying every which way. He licked his lips and pulled the still-tucked-in tail of the shirt out from Cas’s pants, then pushed the shirt flaps off to the side so he could slide his hands along Cas’s bare skin. Green eyes glanced up and he asked, “you can get another shirt, right?”

“I can fix this one.” Cas replied, just a touch breathlessly. He swallowed. Dean had never done that before. Then again, he had rarely worn button-down shirts in the time they were together before. Cas sat up enough to shrug out of his suit jacket and shirt, then reached up to push at Dean’s overshirt. “Get this off. Your t-shirt too.”

“I was kind of more focused on you being naked.” Dean told him, pushing him back down again, already reaching for his belt, undoing it with deft fingers and pulling it out, the familiar hiss of leather. He threw it somewhere across the room, then started in on Cas’s pants.

“This is unfair,” Cas let his head fall back and bit his lip, not really complaining. “Let me see you, damnit.”

“Are angels allowed to swear?” Dean chuckled and just kept working, and Cas couldn’t have been all that upset because when Dean urged him to lift his hips so he could get his pants off, Cas did it without question. His pants were also tossed who-knew-where. It was going to be interesting trying to get dressed again before Sam got back.

“Angels are allowed to swear.” Cas confirmed, now down to his boxers and very aware that Dean was still completely dressed, leaning over him. “Dean. Come on.”

“I am coming on. I’m coming on to you.” The elder Winchester smirked as he hooked his fingers in the elastic waistband of Cas’s boxers and tugged them down to discard them as well, pleased to find Cas already hard beneath them. Dean ducked down and gave a quick lick over the head of his cock and Cas just whined. Dean chuckled, “you still make all the same noises.”

Cas bucked his hips just slightly and let his head fall back. “Of course I do. I’m still me.”

“So I’m learning.” A quiet murmur and Dean shuffled down farther so he would be more comfortable when he leaned in and licked up the underside of Cas’s cock, making the angel gasp out a groan. Dean just hummed to himself and proceeded to take Cas’s dick into his mouth, sucking heatedly as he eased deep. “Mmh.”

“Oh… God…!” Cas arched back, sucking in a sharp breath and forcing himself not to thrust up into Dean’s mouth. But he hadn’t had a blowjob in millennia, literally, and his entire body was so oversensitive to anything regarding sex after not being touched for so long—he had learned that the last time. On top of that, Dean’s mouth had always felt particularly good and—

Dean pulled off him with a little, wet slurping noise to chuckle, “okay, I know it’s against the rules to take the Lord’s name in vain.”

“Fuck the rules,” Cas gasped out, making Dean snort a laugh because he knew how much Cas disliked that particular word—or at least he had in the past. Now Cas just threw an arm up over his eyes and managed, “Dean, don’t stop!”

“I’d almost forgotten,” Dean murmured as he ducked back down to start sucking Cas off again; “what it’s like to take you apart like this. You’re so beautiful when you’re laid out for me. Absolutely gorgeous.”

Cas would have responded, probably disputed Dean’s claims that he was either beautiful or gorgeous, but before he could say anything Dean sucked him back into his mouth and started bobbing his head, sucking his way up and down the length of his cock, and every coherent thought fled his brain entirely because Dean hadn’t forgotten how to give a blowjob, not in the seven years they’d been apart, not at all.

All Cas could do was arch his back and drop the arm not covering his eyes to thread his fingers into Dean’s hair, kneading and pulling along with Dean’s rhythm. He mostly managed not to thrust his hips, but once or twice his fraying control slipped and he bucked upward, making Dean utter a muffled protesting sound in the back of his throat—and then he just pushed even deeper, swallowing around Cas like it hadn’t been seven long years on Earth and forty years in Hell since the last time he’d given someone (also Cas) head.

“Dean,” Cas gasped out after a couple minutes of this, shaking his head, hair mussing against the pillows, “Dean, it’s been too long, I won’t last and—and you still—"

Dean pulled off again, but this time brought a hand up to stroke at Cas’s cock in the absence of his mouth. “You used to like to go twice in a row.” He pointed out, licking his lips absently. “Am I in the wrong, here?”

Cas whined, embarrassed, because it was true, and because he should have realized that was Dean’s plan all along. He braced himself for being completely worn out by the end of this and not even being able to sleep afterward. All he would be able to do was rest with Dean and recoup his energy. (It wasn’t exactly an unpleasant idea.)

“No,” He panted out finally, hips jerking into Dean’s hand, “no, you’re not wrong, just—please, Dean—”

“Heh.” Just one quiet chuckle and Dean was right back at it, sucking up and down Cas’s cock, hot and messy—and it really didn’t take long at all. Cas had been serious about it being a long time, especially in Heaven’s terms, and he came rather hard and abruptly when Dean shoved deep once more, swallowing around him. Cas gave a sharp cry and arched slightly, and Dean just continued swallowing until Cas was done before pulling off him and licking his lips, tasting nothing but salty come.

Cas even tasted the same…

Slumping back against the bed, Cas panted for air for a moment, one hand still tangled in Dean’s hair, before tugging gently, pulling the man upward and into a long, languid kiss. When they parted, Cas took a moment to mull over the taste of the molecules of his own come, coming straight off Dean’s tongue, and then bumped his forehead against Dean’s lightly.

“I wasn’t expecting that.” He told Dean and swallowed slightly. “Do you want me to…?”

But Dean shook his head. He reached up and carefully extracted Cas’s hand from his hair, tangling their fingers together and giving Cas an almost hesitant smile. “No. I want all of you. If that’s alright, after…?”

Cas reached up with his free hand to stroke against the side of Dean’s face and said, seriously, “it’s more than fine with me. Is it okay with you, though? All of this… I know it’s a lot. I don’t want you to regret anything afterwards.”

He got a soft look in response to his words. “No regrets with you, Cas. Not ever. Remember?”

Cas’s lips quirked slightly, and he rubbed his thumb along Dean’s cheek. “I remember.” Then his smile widened, and he added, “take your clothes off, Dean. I feel very… naked, right now.”

“Well, you look incredible. Then again, you’ve pretty much always looked incredible. That’s one thing that hasn’t changed.” But Dean was already shifting back, shrugging out of his overshirt and then stripping off the t-shirt underneath. Then he climbed off the bed long enough to get out of his jeans and boxers before returning to Cas’s side, easing up against him and leaning for a kiss.

“It’s much better when I’m not the only one who’s naked,” Cas told him, the words half-muffled against Dean’s lips, and when Dean just advised him to shut up he decided it was sage and tilted his head to focus on the kissing instead while Dean stretched his arm out, reaching over the side of the bed to his duffle bag where he had stashed the lube from last time. Some blind fumbling eventually produced the important little tube and then Dean returned all of his attention to Cas—and kissing him within an inch of his life.

Then again, angels were immortal, weren’t they? So maybe not within an inch of his life.

When Dean pulled back after a few long moments of making out like their lives depended on it, it was to trail messy kisses down Cas’s neck and then nip against his shoulder, even as he was uncapping the lube to slick his fingers up. “Knees up, Cas.”

When they had fucked before—two weeks before not before before—the stretching and prep had been quick, rough and incomplete, and that was something Dean regretted deeply. He privately vowed to do better this time, to break Cas down piece-by-piece until he was begging—like he used to, before everything. When they were young and in love and both of them still human.

Now, Cas just pushed him back a little so he could adjust, bending and parting his knees, licking his lips as he watched Dean settle mostly beside him and then reach down with his slick hand to push one finger into his body. Cas sighed and let his head fall back. There were some things you didn’t forget the feel of, even after a millennia in Heaven, and any part of Dean inside of him was one of them.

While it was true that his body remembered the feel of Dean’s fingers, it was also true that it had been a freaking millennia. The last time aside, it was like being a virgin again, even just one finger felt like a lot, though logically Cas knew that it wasn’t. He shifted his hips awkwardly as Dean worked at him with just the one finger for a while, knowing that it would get better with the second one—

And it was true. When Dean eased the second finger into him there was a stretch and burn—mildly uncomfortable still—but Cas knew the second finger always lead down the road to his prostate, which was anything but painful. Cas privately thought that that secret little button was one of God’s greatest inventions, and had been very pleased, two weeks before, to find out that his was still in-tact, despite his now angelic nature.

“Right… abouuuut…” Dean was murmuring to himself as he pushed his fingers deeper, feeling around until—

“A-ah!” Cas jolted, hips jerking, when Dean finally struck his sweet spot, gasping out a stilted cry.

“Ah. There.” A little smug look. Dean twisted his fingers and pressed them hard against Cas’s prostate, rubbing across the little bundle of nerves for a moment before pulling back to give Cas a brief reprieve. Then he was back at it, pressing and rubbing, stroking his fingers over Cas’s sweet spot until the angel was arching and writhing, head back and gasping out panted breaths.

When he introduced the third finger, what seemed like a very long while later, Cas whined, high and tight in his throat, and pushed his hips into it, urging Dean to go deeper, move faster, just—“more, God, Dean, more…!”

Dean did as he was told, fucking Cas deeply and hard on his fingers until Cas was gasping breathlessly and his already sated cock was beginning to flag again, stiffening while Dean toyed around with his prostate, working him over more than just thoroughly. And Cas just grabbed for purchase at anything he could, ending up with one hand up, fisted in the pillow next to his head and the other down, pulling at the covers.

Finally, Dean took pity on him and pulled his fingers away, then slid over and settled himself between Cas’s legs, making a soft amused sound when Cas immediately grabbed onto him, fingers digging into the back of his shoulders even as Dean lined himself up and pushed his cock into Cas’s pliant body.

Cas sucked in a deep breath, hips arching against Dean’s and head back. He moaned lowly at the intrusion, Dean’s cock filling him up so deeply and fully—just like how he remembered, back when they were younger.

“Shit, Cas…” Dean swore, ducking his head to bury his face in the crook of Cas’s neck, voice coming out slightly muffled, “you feel the same… so hot and tight, just freaking perfect…!” And then a slightly breathless laugh and he added, “always perfect. You’ve always been perfect. Ever since we met…!”

“So have you,” Cas managed to gasp out, then; “move, Dean…!”

Dean began to move. Just short, gentle thrusts at first, knowing Cas was still adjusting to having him inside himself, but quickly moving up to deeper, harder movements—but still slow, slow and languid and with true feeling behind them. So much that it made Cas’s heart ache with it. Made tears bite at his eyes and his panted gasps turn into borderline sobs.

Because they were making love, and he had never thought he would ever experience that again, not in any of his lifetimes, but especially not with Dean, not after what he’d done. And it was almost too much…

When Dean caught on to his almost-tears he pressed a gentle kiss into the crook of Cas’s neck, then lifted his head to draw Cas into a series of warm, loving kisses, murmuring softly, breathlessly in between them, “I love you, Cas… I love you; I love you…”

The tears came anyway, dripping down from the corners of his eyes—but they were joyful tears, not the heartbroken, crushing kind that he had cried countless times over the last seven Earth years. They were cathartic, a release of sorts. But Dean couldn’t know that, couldn’t know that he was so happy it was just overflowing, too much for him to contain, and so he began to ease off and pull away—and when he did, Cas clutched onto him even tighter, bringing his legs up to wrap them around Dean’s hips to hold him where he was, a quiet whine in the back of his throat.

“Cas, you’re crying…” Dean protested. He had entirely stopped moving now and Cas rocked his hips, trying to get him to start again. “Cas…”

Cas let his head fall back but continued to hold tight to Dean; “Good tears.” He managed to get out, swallowing hard, “I’m just happy.”

Dean settled against him again, bracing on one arm and bringing the opposite hand up to wipe at the tear tracks on Cas’s face. Cas laughed weakly. “Are you sure?” Dean asked softly, “I don’t want to screw this up, especially after last time, I don’t—"

“I’m sure.” Came Cas’s reply, and he licked his lips before arching slightly, pressing his body against Dean’s. His cock was fully hard again, swollen and red, leaking wetly against his stomach, now pinned between his abdomen and Dean’s, so it was obvious he was still more than a little turned on. “Make love to me, Dean. I just want you to make love to me…”

Another brief moment of hesitation and then Dean settled himself once more, bracing on his knees and beginning to roll his hips again, thrusting into Cas: gently and carefully, to begin with, as if they were starting all over again, and he leaned in to kiss Cas, deep and warm and with so much emotion…

There was no doubt in Cas’s mind that Dean was telling the truth when he said that he still loved him. Not when he kissed him like that. When he moved inside of Cas so carefully, as if he was afraid that Cas might break. But Cas had never been particularly delicate, even when he had been human, and finally he dropped one foot back to the bed to brace himself and rolled his own hips down to meet Dean’s, urging him to move a little harder, a little deeper.

Dean groaned against his lips and Cas’s reply was a shuddering sigh when the man on top of him began thrusting just a bit more firmly, deeper, but just as slow, just as passionate, all simmering heat and emotion that was long overdue. Their kisses were long and deep and messy, punctuated by sighs and moans as Dean worked them both to a peak—

And a few, long, drawn-out minutes later, Cas fell over the edge again, coming with a moan, breaking away from Dean to let his head fall back as his orgasm flowed through him. Dean followed shortly after, his thrusts going jerky and sharp for a moment before he came deep inside Cas’s body.

They were both still for a couple of breaths—and then Dean slumped down over Cas, kissing him gently again before burying his face in the angel’s shoulder, a comfortable weight over him. Cas let his hands rub down Dean’s back with a hum that bordered on a groan, just loving the feeling of his muscles shifting under his fingers as Dean caught his breath. Cas had missed this.

Finally, though, Dean swallowed slightly and eased back, pulling out of him and rolling to the side to land on his back. The bed gave a protesting squeak and Cas chuckled at the sound, even as he turned over and cuddled into Dean’s side.

“You okay?” Dean asked after a brief pause.

Cas smiled and pressed a kiss by his collarbone. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“I’m not the one who cried.” Dean pointed out, not unkindly.

“I, ah… did do that, yes.” Cas made an embarrassed noise. “I’m sorry about that, I just got overwhelmed and…”

“Good overwhelmed, though?”

“So good.”

“Then we’re both okay.” Dean concluded, sounding satisfied.

“Mm.” Cas agreed. He brought his hand up to trace his fingers against Dean’s chest, like he had so many times in the distant past and smiled to himself. “What just happened between us… it felt like coming home.”

“It kind of did, didn’t it?” An amused murmur and Dean added, “I’m glad you’re happy, Cas.”

“And you are too?

“I—yeah. I think I really am.”

“Then we’re definitely both okay.”

Dean chuckled. Then he asked, “so hey, did you keep tabs on anyone else from before? I mean not just me?”

“Mm.” Cas shifted around, crossing his arms over Dean’s chest, resting his chin on one of his own wrists absently. “You and Sam, obviously, and your Dad, kind of by default. Mr. Singer occasionally. But my friends, too.” He adjusted to allow Dean to tuck an arm behind his own head, his other hand coming up to rub along Cas’s arm gently as he spoke; “Jody is a Sherriff now, married with a son, out near where Mr. Singer lives in Sioux Falls. Charlie is a total con artist, she switches identities constantly and gets IT jobs at multibillion dollar companies, then siphons off money to go toward charities. It’s actually kind of badass. And Garth… he started out as a run-of-the-mill dentist but then something weird happened at his practice, and now he’s switched. Now he’s a Hunter.”

“Hunt—Hunter? Like our kind of Hunter?” Dean demanded, “Garth? Really?”

Cas laughed and nodded, “yeah, I know, it’s crazy. But he’s pretty good!”

“Garth.” Dean repeated incredulously.

“No, really, you should see him. I mean he’s still Garth, so everything is weirdly laid back and kind of goofy sometimes, but his vibe seems to work. It’s fun to watch.” Cas ducked his head to press a kiss against Dean’s chest, “you might run into him some time.”

“You might run into him some time, now that you’re back.” Dean pointed out.

And that had crossed Cas’s mind once or twice, the thought of meeting up with his friends again after so long. He knew Dean had tracked them all down one-by-one to question them when he had gone missing, though, all of them in college or university at the time, so they knew he had been missing—still was, as far as they were concerned. And that had been years ago.

“I don’t know if that’s… such a good idea.” Cas sighed and returned his chin to resting by his wrist; “they think I’m long gone, right? I know you talked to them all. They might not take the New Me very well.”

“Hey, the New You is plenty of fun.” Dean protested, smoothing a hand down Cas’s bare back for emphasis—and then up again to rub at his arm some more. Then he added gently, “they’re your friends, they should know you’re okay. Especially Charlie, she was your best friend. You two were really close.”

That was true. Cas and Charlie had been particularly close. She had been slated to be his best man, when he and Dean were planning on getting married. And Cas had watched her join the frantic search for him when he disappeared—in her own way, using her tech skills, trying to track down a digital footprint, a scrap of anything and coming up empty. She had poured her everything into it… until the day she woke up and just couldn’t do it anymore.

Guilt over putting her through that made Cas shy away from the idea of meeting up with any of his friends again, even though he knew he owed it to them. Hell, look how Dean had reacted when Cas had shown back up. He had hated Cas. …but not really. Cas supposed it was true that the anger was just to cover the hurt, and anyway, now they were cuddled up naked in bed together like nothing had ever happened.

“I’ll think about it.” He promised softly, and when Dean’s free hand slid up so he could thread his fingers through Cas’s hair, the touch reassuring, Cas hummed and leaned into it, closing his eyes. “And I know you know about Jo, about her Dad being a Hunter before he died, and her and her Mom running the Hunter’s bar now. You and Sam have been to The Roadhouse, I saw it.”

“Yeah, and that was a shock when we walked in there and found Jo of all people.” Dean’s fingers paused in his hair briefly before he continued stroking through it gently. “With you and the Hunters, Cas, jeez. You’re like a magnet. What about the other one… uh. Kevin? Kevin. Is he out ganking vampires and shit, too?”

Cas chuckled softly and opened his eyes. “No, Kevin’s just living a normal, everyday life, albeit that of a genius prodigy who was raised by a legitimate tiger mom. He’s in university now. Princeton.”

“He’s a lot younger than you and the rest of your friends, right?”

“Yes, he’s a little younger than Sam. He skipped ahead several grades in school.”

Dean’s hand slid away from Cas’s hair and down to cup his jaw gently. “You really made sure to keep an eye on everyone, didn’t you?” He asked, sounding mildly amazed. “You cared so much about all of us, and I gave you so much shit about it. I’m so sorry, I know I said things that…” Trailing off, he frowned a little. “I can’t take them back. I’m just sorry, Cas.”

“Hey, no frowning…” Cas leaned into Dean’s hand against his face and sighed, “I understand why you said those things. You’ve forgiven me, right? Well, I forgive you, too.”

“I think that’s a good deal…” Dean agreed softly, then trailed off when he suddenly thought of something. His frown faded and green eyes blinked. “Hey, you never mentioned your Dad. You kept an eye on Chuck, too, didn’t you?”

“I tried.” Cas tipped his head to press a kiss into Dean’s palm, “but he just kind of… disappeared. A couple of months after I returned to Heaven. I couldn’t get a read on him; I couldn’t pin him down. It was really weird. Even now I still can’t…” Now Cas was the one who was frowning, and Dean drew him into a kiss as distraction. When they parted, Cas sighed. “Sorry, my Father is an uncomfortable subject.”

“I talked to Chuck right after you disappeared,” Dean told him, leaning in for another kiss. Cas kissed back to shut him up, not liking this topic. But when they pulled apart a moment later, Dean just finished with, “he was acting like any Dad would act if his kid vanished.”

“I saw that part. It was after that that he…”

“I’m sorry, Cas. If I’d known, I would’ve looked into it.”

“No, you wouldn’t’ve. You were too busy looking for me.”

“…okay, that’s true. Maybe we can look into it now?”

“Dean, if I couldn’t find him from Heaven…”

“Yeah, that’s a point.” Dean wrapped his arm around Cas, now, the other still tucked behind his head. “We’ll figure something ou—”

That was about when the door to the motel room swung inward and Sam came into the room—and immediately spun on his heel to face away again, swinging the door closed as he did so. “What did I tell you guys?!” He complained loudly, eyes firmly on the back of the door and a deep frown on his face.

Dean just started to laugh, a smug little smile tilting at his lips, even as Cas hurried to toss the blankets up over them both. It was the least he could do, considering what Sam had just walked in on. “Sorry, Sam. We lost track of the time.”

“But you said you were going to knock first, Sammy!”

“That is not an excuse, Dean!”

Once they were both properly covered, Cas coughed out, “it’s safe to look now, Sam.”

Sam heaved a sigh and turned around, eyeing the pair of them in the bed. Dean just had a smug grin on his face while Cas looked chagrined. They were both at least covered up by the blankets, now. Sam ran a hand through his hair. “Literally, I asked for one thing. One. Be clothed when I came back. But no, I walk in and it’s all just—nudity! Like a horrible, traumatizing strip club from Hell.”

Dean began to laugh, leaning his head down to rest his forehead against Cas’s shoulder, and Cas swatted at him in an attempt to get him to pipe down—but it didn’t work. He just continued chortling to himself, and if he was really honest, Cas was privately pleased to see him enjoying himself so much. For his part, Sam just huffed and stomped over to grab his laptop, then went to the kitchenette table and sat down to glower at the computer while he powered it up.

“You two are stuck there, now, ‘cause I’m not leaving again. Just stay under the covers forever.” He told them.

“I kind of feel like there’s nothing you can do to enforce that, Sammy.” Dean commented idly, tone amused, “also, being trapped in bed with Cas isn’t exactly a chore. Give us another few minutes and you may regret your life choices, here.”

“Cas.” Sam said, obviously pleading for some sort of sanity.

Cas chuckled and pushed Dean back, then leaned up to kiss him warmly. “Be nice.” He told him, then wrapped the top sheet around his waist and climbed out of the bed. That was followed up by him wandering around the room, gathering the strewn pieces of his clothing, and then disappearing into the bathroom, only to reappear seconds later, completely clean and dressed properly again—shirt even mended from where Dean had torn the buttons away—holding the sheet in one hand. He wandered back over to the bed and ducked in to kiss Dean once more, leaving the sheet behind before crossing the room to take a seat at the table with Sam. “Sorry, Sam.”

Sam glanced back at the bathroom, then looked at Cas and just said, “that’s handy.”

Dean, meanwhile, tried to look like he wasn’t pouting while absolutely pouting. After a minute, though, he just flung the blankets off himself and stood up, stretching until his back popped, a satisfied sound in the back of his throat. Cas watched with appreciation while Sam quickly averted his eyes and complained, “dude!”

Ignoring him, Dean wandered over to the table, still nude, to lean down and give Cas another kiss. Now he was just being a dick on purpose. Cas muffled a little laugh and gave him a shove. “At least put your boxers on.”

“Boo.” The elder Winchester jeered, but did as he was told, searching around the room to locate his boxers and pulling them on easily before heading to the fridge and pulling out a pair of beers, returning to the table and setting one next to Sam as a peace offering.

Cas reached out and swiped at Dean’s abdomen with one finger, then brought it up to lick at it absently. “You need a shower.” He commented, trying to avoid saying that Dean had come smeared all over his stomach in front of his younger brother. Sam was already bitchy enough as it was.

Dean just shrugged and pulled up a chair to sit, opening his beer while Sam made a face. “I’ll have one in a bit.” He grinned at Cas, “you want to join me?”

“I think Sam might explode if I did.” Cas pointed out with a little smile.

Dean came back with, “I think I might explode if you did.”

“Oh my God,” Sam protested, and palmed over his face, then reached for his beer like it was a lifeline, “you guys are good again and suddenly I’m right back in high school. It’s uncanny.”

He and Dean began to bicker, then, just the childish kind of minor arguing that happened all the time between siblings who had a close relationship. Cas smiled through it; it was good to see. When they had been in high school, Dean and Sam had had a good relationship, but it had started to slide as Sam got older—Cas had witnessed that first-hand, during his human days.

And then, when Cas had vanished and Dean had called on his brother for help, they had briefly grown closer again. But it had been a tenuous thing, a bond forged through adversity, and when Sam had finally stopped his own end of the search for Cas, it had been broken once again. Dean had felt betrayed by his brother calling off the search, and things had been bad again… until he’d had to go to Sam for help once more, almost two years later, when their Dad went missing.

That was when their relationship had started to repair itself, though Sam had been reluctant at first, and now… they were back to how they had been in high school. It was incredible, really, the round-about way things had gone, just to come back to home base again.

“Castiel.”

Cas’s thoughts—and Dean and Sam’s bickering—were interrupted when a familiar voice next thing to snapped Cas’s name, and when they looked up, Uriel was standing a few feet away from the table, hands firmly at his sides, pressed suit and all. The Winchesters abruptly shut up and Cas immediately frowned but didn’t stand from his seat at the table.

“What is it, Uriel?” He asked lowly.

“I’ve been sent to fetch you.” Uriel told him, voice dripping with disdain; “you turned your frequencies off again. We couldn’t contact you otherwise.”

Cas had almost forgotten he had turned Angel Radio off for his date with Dean. Now his frown deepened, and he blinked slowly, flipping the switch in his head to turn it back on, then wincing when the voices began blaring in his head again, many of them calling out for him to come home.

“You okay?” Dean asked softly.

“Yes, just… I turned Angel Radio off for the last couple days, and I just turned it back on. It’s… loud.” Cas sighed and lifted a hand to rub at one temple lightly. There were times, like this, when he missed when Angel Radio just hadn’t been a thing in his life.

“Castiel.” Uriel repeated his name.

Cas made a soft, displeased sound in his throat and stood from his chair. “I have to go. I’m sorry.” He told Dean, then leaned down to kiss him gently and offered a smile, “I’ll be back in time for the Hunt, I promise.”

Dean made an unhappy noise and reached up to grab at the front of his shirt, dragging Cas in for another kiss. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Cas flashed a little, reassuring smile, even as Uriel made an unsubtle disapproving sound—and then he was gone in a flash of shining feathers, Uriel following immediately after him.

“Dick with wings stole my boyfriend.” Dean bitched, taking another drink of his beer.

“Oh, is he your boyfriend again?” Sam asked blandly, then looked back at his computer and added; “you’ve got a little something on your stomach.”

Dean swiped at the drying come on his skin with one finger and popped it into his mouth with a shrug. “I’ll take care of it when I’m done my beer.”

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

[fangirl-forever3000]

Another take one what could've been...

---------------------------------------------

The tension between these two is palpable. 

"So, you went to school with Yeon Jin. Tell me, did you approach me on purpose?" he asked. 

"Yes," she answered. And a moment later, before he could look away dejectedly, she said, "No. Yes and no."

"What?"

"I knew who you were when I first saw you. But it wasn't my plan to run into you at the Go club. I just went there to play a game or two."

Giving her a confused look, he motioned for her to keep talking. She had his interest piqued since the first moment he laid eyes on her. He might as well listen to everything she has to say.

"You were playing at the club at the same time as me, that is all. I saw you there and then I changed my plan. You would've been an easier way to get to your wife."

Every interaction with Dong Eun would automatically etch itself into his brain, and this was no different. Do Young stood there looking at his soon-to-be ex-wife's unfortunate victim. His mind traitorously screamed, "You're planning on leaving Yeon Jin just for this?! Good choice! Good riddance!" He stared at her and asked, "So you really do it? Backstab naive men, make them cry, and ruin lives?"

"Yes. I told you so already. You chose to not back off," she reminded him.

He did something he has never done in his life. He pleaded with her. Just to hear her side of the story, which he knew would be nothing but the truth. "Butakheyo (please). Tell me. Tell me everything. I am ready to hear it. I braced myself." 

He motioned to the bench nearby and they sat down together.

She looked at him deadpanned and spoke, "I speak from experience. Even if you have braced yourself for something like this, it will hurt you. It will hurt you a lot."

"It won't hurt me more than it hurt you. Mianhe. I should correct myself. More than she hurt you."

For the first time in forever, Dong Eun was stunned by this man's actions. Up until now, for her, he had been predictable. Keeping wary of her surroundings and who she was talking to, Dong Eun decided to tell him everything. About So Hee. About her. About all the 'bullying', when in fact, it was simply plain abuse.

Whilst they were talking, they both suddenly became aware of the fact that they were being watched. Closely watched. They pretended to keep talking but prepared themselves mentally for the unexpected. Not moments later 3 hitmen appeared out of the shadows and went straight for Dong Eun. 

The first hitman burst through the backdoor, and she quickly grabbed him and used his momentum to throw him over her shoulder. She kicked him in the stomach as he tried to get up, knocking the wind out of him. A couple more straight kicks to his chest, stomach, and to his shin made sure he would not get up for a while.

The second hitman came at her with a knife, but Dog Eun was too quick. She disarmed him and used his own knife against him, slicing his hand, and his leg and finally nicking him close to his neck. All the while Do Young tried to fight off the third guy and kept an eye on the first one, knowing that he would not get up so soon, courtesy of his fighting counterpart. The third hitman knocked him in the back of his head, forcing him to lose his senses momentarily. 

The third hitman was more prepared, and he had a gun. Dong Eun dodged his first shot and used a nearby tin cover as a shield. Do Young meanwhile, got up and saw her getting shot at. He panicked. All the while, she tossed the shield at the hitman, knocking him off balance, and then tackled him to the ground. Using his own gun, she shot him in the leg twice, put one in the first hitman's arms, and used the gun butt to toss all consciousness out of the second one. 

Needless to say, they all ran tucking their tails between their legs. The only plus point was that one of them dropped his cell phone and was too disoriented to realize it. 

As Do Young lay on the ground, gasping for breath, he looked up to see his newest fascination standing over him. She may be bruised and battered, but she is alive and well. She had just defeated their assailants with ease, her clothes now stained with blood and she offered him a hand up.

"You saved my life," he said, still a little stunned.

She smiled softly in her patented way. "Yes, I did."

"Wae? (Why?)"

"Wae? Wae jeogui gajang gakkaun saramui saengmyeongeul guhaneun sarami issseupnikka, Do-Young ssi? (Why? Why does anyone save the life of a person close to the enemy, Do Young?)"

He shook his head, wary of her motives. He had an idea. He had been having it for a long time. Somewhere deep inside Do Young's consciousness, he hoped that he would be right.

"Ttaemun dangsineul johahaeyo (It's because I like you)," she said, her eyes sparkling with cold behavior and partial amusement.

Do Young couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You saved me because you like me?" he repeated, acting incredulous and being truly satisfied. He had been right. Now, of course, he could rid himself of the little insecurity he had developed with regard to a certain young doctor he had seen her roam around with.

Dong Eun shrugged. "Why not? You're an interesting person, and I enjoy a good challenge. Plus, it's always more fun to have someone to play baduk with. And let's not forget our dear darling Yeon Jin."

He didn't know what to make of her words. Was she being sincere, or was this just another one of her games? He decided to play along, for now. Just until he could get a hold of this woman's mind. He had a feeling that this was sincere. Little did he know that he was right. It was probably the most truthful thing she had said out loud in a long, long time.

"Is that the only reason why you like me? My Go playing skills? Or is it my wife?" he asked the first part chucklingly and the latter with a face that made it look like he had just tasted something disgusting.

"Anniyo. It's your mind that attracts me. And your heart - though it may not be clean and clear, is relatively pure. And of course, forgive me if it sounds objective, but then there's your face. Plus, it's an added benefit for me; to see Yeon Jin slowly lose everything."

For a moment he stared at her. And then Ha Do Young laughed. He actually laughed. No one apart from his daughter had been able to make him laugh. "Your answers are always unexpected."

She shrugged as if it meant nothing.

"You really like me?" He raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical and amused. "I find that hard to believe, considering you've been trying to get revenge on my soon to be ex-wife and friends for weeks now."

She shrugged. "Well, you're not them, are you? And I changed my mind about you a long time ago. You and Ye-Sol are never going to be harmed at my hand."

"Why? Wouldn't it be the perfect revenge?"

"No. My fight for revenge is with Yeon Jin. You are innocent, and your adorable daughter is even more so. Plus, you are being lied to. That makes you someone who got hurt. Not someone who did the hurting."

"You know?" he asked offended and disbelievingly. Ha Do Young lived in a world where pride mattered a lot. And the fact that Dong Eun knew about his wife's continued indiscretion before he did and that she told him to his face that Ye Sol wasn't his, made a little dent in his well-tamed ego. It was a blot on his picture-perfect life and he didn't particularly enjoy it.

"Yes. It was not that hard to figure out once I realized that you aren't colorblind."

"And there's only one another ass we all know who is..." he said finishing her sentence for her.

They sat there in the night's silence. Their presence keeping the other soft company. After what seemed like an eternity, he turned to her and asked, "What can I do?"

Dong Eun looked at him as though he was mad, but kept her impassive face on the front. "Mwo?(What?)"

"I said, what can I do to help?"

"Stay away, for starters. And take your kid away too. I don't want Yeon Jin using her as a chip."

"That's it?" he asked her as though he had just taken an arrow to the heart. And he had, metaphorically speaking, of course. Do Young had genuinely thought she would either ask him for help or at least let him help her. Granted, he was Yeon Jin's husband; he could just turn around and go tell her everything he knew about Dong Eun's plan. But he decided against it. She didn't know that, not yet.

"Yes. That's it. The less collateral damage I have to worry about, the faster will I rest."

"Can I not join the hunt?"

"I already have an executioner. I don't need another," she said straight to his face.

"You're the queen, the one who calls the shots. You have an executioner. But do you have a minister? I could be him. I could be your minister," he said, offering his services to destroy the remaining 4.

Dong Eun looked at him and replied, "Don't you know? If the queen goes down, so does her minister?" She motioned to the cell phone and said, "Judging by this, your wife is already trying to have me killed. Who knows, if you join the hunt, you might accidentally be the next target."

"I can handle her just fine. Plus, I have scores to settle with them. It will be easier and more fun for all of us if you just let me on board."

"Scores?"

"I don't like being lied to. Or being manipulated," he said pointedly referring to her actions and those of who he had to refer to as his wife.

Looking at his whiskey eyes, she said, "You want to join? I'll let you in. I will. When the time is right, I will."

"Fine," he said, setting his chin straight. "But I'll be keeping a close eye on you."

She laughed, a sound that sent shivers down his spine. A feeling he realized he had enjoyed. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

"Why not now?"

"I'm going to make their lives a hundred times worse; do what they did to me - break their bodies, their mind, their soul... You shouldn't be around for that. Just pray that they go to heaven when they finally do die, otherwise, their lives here would just be hell."

"Sure. Just promise me one thing. When you finally get to Yeon Jin, you will call me. Me and not that executioner."

She nodded and wondered internally if his words were the result of jealousy or the need for revenge for being cheated on and lied to.

"Say, if I give you access to my resources, would you teach me to play baduk like you?" 

She laughed once more. Her mind sent generated the notice that in his presence she smiled and laughed more than she did with anyone else. "Sure. I'll teach you."

Looking at each other in twilight's beauty, he came to realize fully why she was doing what she was doing. Before he could control his mouth he said, "Can I see them? Your scars?" She stared him down for a good minute or two. Just as he was about to apologize, she rolled up her sleeve to reveal a network of scars; the first of many.

His eyes widened as he took in the sight before him. He had known that she was a warrior ever since he spoke to that nobody of a woman - that Hye Jeong, but seeing the physical evidence of her battles, of his wife's torture, was something else entirely. He reached out tentatively, tracing the raised edges of one scar with his fingertips.

"It must have been painful," he said softly, his eyes meeting hers.

"It was," she replied, "but the pain is what made me stronger. These scars remind me of what I've been through and what I've overcome. It reminds me every day why I need to do this."

"I have scars inflicted by her too," he said, pointing across his chest - his heart. "But they're nothing compared to yours."

She looked at him with a mixture of surprise and respect. "Every scar tells a story," she said. "Yours is no less important than mine." And in that moment, they knew that they were stronger together than they could ever be alone.

a change in mood was needed. He suddenly remembered her words from an hour or so before. He narrowed his eyes. "What kind of fun? What you said earlier, about liking me, what do you mean?"

Dong Eun flashed a sly smile. "The kind that comes from testing each other's limits, pushing each other to be better, to making each other be human. To be able to truly feel. I think we could be quite the team, you and I."

"Well, thank you for saving my life," he said, standing up straight and brushing himself off.

She smiled. "Don't mention it. And who knows? Maybe we'll get to play together again sometime." With that, she turned on her heel and walked away, leaving him to wonder what her true intentions were for the days after this. How would she get revenge? Most of all he wondered when he would see her again. And then he thought what he would say to her when he does see her. And how he would tell her that he likes her too...

[inky2556]

Magix Ultra

Chapter 4

If you asked Zero why he had a large bandage over his erium lamp, he would tell you he got injured during a battle against a strong, ferocious, deadly monster. Yup, that's it.

It definitely wasn't because he offended Chiara. And he definitely didn't get the bandage over his erium lamp because Chiara decided to ram into him full speed just to prove a point.

Luckily, ultras heal real quick. But for him not quick enough if he had to keep the bandage on for the rest of the day.

To avoid anymore questions about his forehead, Zero confined himself to the private training room hoping to pass the time and away from prying eyes. Emphasis on the word private.

He kicked and punched holographic targets that appeared around him until he spun around to strike another one. It disappeared into digitized particles and revealed none other than Chiara who was standing a few feet away.

She waved awkwardly when Zero finally noticed her presence.

"How long have you been there?"

"I've been here for a while now... You looked so focused I didn't want to bother you so I thought I'd come by later but then I got distracted seeing you do really cool moves like that sooo...." her babbling ended with an awkward laugh at the end.

"Oh? So you were amazed by my awesome moves then?" He says as he runs his thumb across the corner of his mouth and walks over to her.

"Yeah something like that... listen, I need to tell you something..." she starts off. Her tone has him on edge. There's a seriousness from it that she's never used before. He noted how she was fidgeting her hands as she nervously stole glances at him . Could it be-

He mentally slapped himself for that idea. How could he think that? 

"I'm sorry!" she blurted out. Zero was startled by her out-of-nowhere apology.

"Wha- what are you apologizing for?"

"You know," she motioned at her forehead while staring at his, "this". Zero subconsciously brought a hand to his bandaged forehead and figured out what she was talking about. To be honest, he wasn't really mad at her or anything. He might be embarrassed if people found out he got hurt because he angered the purple ultra over something stupid. But she had a point though she expressed it in a little violent way.

"This? Don't worry about it, it'll be gone by the end of the day." he assured her while patting her head. Chiara slowly brought her hand up to his that was patting her head.

"Really?...You're not mad?..." she sounded meek yet so surprised and hopeful.

"Really."

Suddenly, another pain struck her head. Then she saw a scene play before her.

"I did all that I could to drive him off!" a silver haired girl defended herself. The air in the ship felt tense as the two magic users were sizing each other up.

"Guys, I think we should take a moment to-" the hero sporting a black t-shirt with a signature red S tried to reason but was abruptly cut off.

"Well not good enough if the mission was still a fail!"

"It was trap and you know it. We all know it! Besides, if you just worked with me we wouldn't have been so busy with witch boy and we would've been able to go help the rest of the team. But nooo, you just had to throw yourself in there and refused my help!"

"Oh please,I fought Klarion more times that you can count. What makes you think you could do better?" the sorceress shot back.

"I don't think I could do better. But together we had a fighting chance. A chance you  threw away!"

"This is a real dangerous threat. It's not something that prissy fairy school could ever prepare you for."

"What the-", the silver haired girl was offended, she thought back to all the threats Alfea managed to overcome and how the fairies there fought hard and valiantly to protect their beloved school and everything in the magic dimension. Klarion could never come close to the evil forces they faced. How dare she-"You have no right to say that! The fairies of Alfea are strong if not stronger than your sorry a-"

"Alright alright, cut it out guys. We all had a long day, we'll talk about this when we get back to the cave." the argument ended instantly at the order of their team leader. His exhaustion was clear even behind his domino mask. Then he glanced at the silver haired fairy, she didn't like the look he was giving her nor what he was about to say.

"And you really need to learn how to work with your teammates. Something like this can't happen again."

She wanted to protest yet she schooled her features and lowered her head. But she clenched her fist out of view of everyone in frustration at the ridiculousness of it all. All of a sudden she heard a familiar voice echo around her.

"Hey..."

"Hey..."

"HEY!"

Chiara jerked at the sudden shouting in her ear. She looked up to see Zero standing right in front of her. His face was close to hers as he bent his knees a little to match her eye level while both hands were gripping her shoulders.

"Oh umm...sorry about that..." she mumbled. She tried to step away but his strong grip wouldn't let her.

"What do you have to be sorry for? What happened?" He questioned her.

"It's just... sometimes I get really bad headaches and it leads to... visions?" she said like it was a question so unsure of herself.

"Could it be your memories?" at his suggestion she looked away and hugged herself. Her body language betraying just how troubled she felt.

"I...I don't know..." "I don't think I want to know..."

They fell into a heavy silence. Unknowingly they didn't move an inch from their position of Zero standing really close and towering over her. From a certain angle Chiara's head that was facing the side made it look like she was leaning against him in a warm embrace. An angle that was positioned right towards the entrance of the training room. If any ultra walked in they would certainly misunderstand.

And misunderstand they did.

"*Gasp* Kyaaaaaa!!!"

"Ultra shock! Master! Chiara!"

If Zero thought Chiara slamming into him hurt, then her pushing him away hard would've broken a few bruises and sent him flying if he wasn't as strong as he is.

Instantly they turned to the two intruding ultras. Z continued to look at them in shock while Grigio looked like she was buzzing in excitement. Oh dear.

"What're you two doing here?" Zero questioned with Chiara standing right beside him. They clearly didn't realize the misunderstanding that it would lead to.

"Weeeelll, I was looking for Chiara who Orb said was looking for Zero,"

"And I was looking for master but then I ran into Grigio who said that she was looking for Chiara who was looking for master and then we asked Mebius who said that master was in the private training room," Z continued.

"And we figured you might be here too since you were looking for Zero." Grigio added.

"Oh ok, sooo why are you looking for us?" the purple ultra asked.

"I wanted to ask master abou-mffp" Z was cut off when Grigio began dragging him away by the arm while covering his mouth.

"No important reason! We're sorry for intruding on you two!" Grigio said cheerfully. A bit too cheerfully.

"Intrud-" then it dawned on her. Zero seemed to come to the same conclusion.

"Wait! It's not-"

"Byeeeee!" and with that Grigio left with Z in tow.

Chiara and Zero were left dumbfounded. By the time they snapped out of it to chase after them, Grigio and Z had already disappeared.

"They think that you and I..."

"Yup" They both looked at each other.

"It can't be that bad right?"

"Right."

"We'll just correct them later." Chiara added. Another silence followed before Zero said,

"Wanna spar?"

"Sure!" she happily agreed.

They would soon find out just how much they underestimated the situation. And Grigio and Z's mouths. ~~~

Wattpad & AO3

[nevertheless-moving]

i was Not expecting the timeline of the last point. this venerable peaceful space monk general Sith killer silver fox whose been showing a slutty little slice of collarbone for his whole repressed space monk life was out here recording greatest hits of queen - when? while back flipping through helping liberate a planet and using his funds to save the clones and idk, probably nursing a kitten at the same time. the clone who took a whole bunch of holos while he was the general goes from a respectable number of followers on space twitter and space youtube to being able to quit his job and move to a better house on social media revenue alone

yeah everyone is more than welcome to imagine their own public reveal version, I certain revolve many possible scenarios around in my head, many cakes and all that!

but 1) I get a certain delight in imagining full on Alec Guiness Obi-Wan being forced to deal with the absurd backstory that Obi-Wan has in this universe and also low key Ewan Mcgregor Obi-Wan's leaked nudes (sometimes you think of your best ideas in the shower! the data files were encrypted!! he managed to keep it a secret for over 30 fucking years, he really wasn't expecting a break-in at this point!!!! If there was going to be a break-in, he would have thought they would go for his military intelligence datapad!!!!! but nOOOOO)

just, like. B.K fans surrounding the temple and throwing their space panties at physically 58, mentally 81 year old Obi-Wan who is deeply done with this shit and too old to be climbing out the back window of Dex's, but is doing so anyway.

and 2) he feels someone walking over his grave just before the news starts to break. later he assumes this is because, you know, fuck. But us the audience can revel in the fact that this is just about when he joined the force in the original timeline

-

at any point that the reveal happens there are so many brains breaking because, as you already pointed out but it still bears repeating, Obi-Wan is ABSURDLY mary-sue in this au. someone does timelines and is like okayokay so he went. directly that photo where he's kindof smudged with charcoal and in a tank top carrying orphans,, he flew DIRECTLY from that to the studio and recorded good old fashioned lover boy?? two foundational moments of my sexual awakening?.?? ALRIGHT i'm just. I'm just gonna need a minute here. i'm just gonna look up real quick—oh fuck he's aged well, of course he's aged well he lives on coruscant, we don't have weather. oh fuck. oh fuck i guess i'm doing this. guess i'm going to the jedi temple. i'm a devoted father of three but i'm never gonna forgive myself if i don't at least TRY to shoot my shot.

-

And fuck yes a bunch of the clones who served right alongside him knew for a fact that he was BK and quite a few more strongly suspected what with the GAR footloose and private concerts/talent shows/music lessons/whatnot. No one was going to tell, obviously, even putting aside how much they owe Obi-Wan, there's how much they owe B.K, and they were literally bred for loyalty.

Buuut that doesn't mean they didn't have. some holos of commander kenobi shirtless and strumming. some holovids of the commanders humming to himself. Anakin playing air drums that you can inexplicably hear. the two of them jamming together on what sounds like an early version of Whatever It Takes.

something for a rainy day, or maybe retirement, if the news ever breaks—well—these might be worth something someday...

[nejibaby]

Small Details

Pairings: Neji x Y/N

Summary: Neji was a man of few words, even more so with you, and when he sees you with Naruto in a compromising position, he has troubles expressing himself.

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: And I finally managed to finish this! It took me so long! Today, I offer you a flustered Neji... 👀 I hope y’all enjoy it because I may or may not have melted after writing this 😚

✨Photo taken from this post by @yul-is-sparkling ✨

Naruto was finally back after two years of training with Jiraiya. Being one of his closest friends, you were excited to meet him and to see for yourself how much he’s grown.

Naturally, you challenged him to a duel the first time you saw him again. It was kind of your thing with Naruto — competing with each other on who’s faster, stronger, better in ninjutsu, anything really. Mainly because Sasuke, who he often referred to as his rival, would rarely indulge him with such things, and you did. You were both competitive like that.

In no time, you were both alone on the training grounds. You could already tell how drastic his improvements were within the start of the battle.

You were in awe at how the Legendary Sannins could bring out the best in their apprentices. But despite not being trained by them, that didn’t mean you were lagging behind.

In those two years when Sasuke seeked Orochimaru for power, Naruto trained under Jiraiya, and Sakura learned from Tsunade, you were the only one in Team 7 who remained under the supervision of Kakashi sensei.

Kakashi sensei may not be a Legendary Sannin, but he was a formidable shinobi — one of the best during his generation even. However, truthfully, he infuriated you at first, not because of how late he always was — you were pretty used to it to the point that you don’t question him anymore about his whereabouts and he stopped coming up with excuses as to why he was late — but because there were times when he was too laidback.

Sure, there were moments when he was hands-on: teaching you different jutsus, lecturing you about certain concepts, informing you on what you should always look out for, drilling your body past exhaustion, and the like. But more often than not he would be saying something like, “Find it out yourself” or “I can’t exactly tell you how” as he leisurely sits on a tree branch while reading the stupid Icha Icha books.

You were dumbfounded and furious at first but when your initial annoyance subsided and you had adjusted to his teaching style, you flourished.

That’s why you could take on Naruto even after his training with Jiraiya.

What started as a serious duel between you and Naruto was reduced to playful banter the longer the fight dragged on. At one point, both of you would just tease each other while throwing kicks and punches halfheartedly.

Both of you had your guards down. That was a mistake on your part, because just as Naruto aimed to kick your face and you bent over backwards to dodge it, you slipped. You lost your footing all because of a rock situated near your right foot.

It was a rookie mistake.

Naruto was quick to notice that you were falling so he immediately grabbed ahold of your hand. The problem was he failed to pull you back up. So you ended up falling down with him. And somehow, he ended up with his arms on the sides of your head so he wouldn’t crush you as you were underneath him.

You were both shocked. You were just blinking at each other. It took awhile for the two of you to gather your bearings. When you did, you both immediately laughed out loud. Naruto moved his body so he was lying next to you as you both continued laughing your hearts out.

“What the hell was that, Naruto?!” You feigned exasperation. “You wouldn’t be able to save a fly if you tried.”

“At least I wasn’t the one making rookie mistakes like that,” Naruto shot back. “Plus I tried to help, that’s what matters.”

You snorted. “Yeah, right. You could’ve at least focused your chakra on your soles so we didn’t fall!”

“And you could’ve paid attention to your surroundings, Y/N!”

You bickered with each other as you stood up and helped Naruto get up. What the two of you didn’t know was that your boyfriend Neji had watched the whole incident.

Neji wasn’t really the type to get jealous. He’s a very understanding boyfriend. He’s aware that you and Naruto have been best friends even before he met you. He even knew about Naruto’s feelings for Sakura. However, any sane person wouldn’t want to see his significant other beneath someone else, right? Granted, it was an accident, but still… It was such a compromising position to find you in.

He made his appearance as you playfully punched Naruto in the gut.

You instantly noticed him approaching. Your smile widened even more at the sight of your boyfriend. “Neji!” You called, skipping your way towards him. You would’ve tackled him in a hug if Naruto wasn’t around.

He maintained his stoic expression as he greeted, “Y/N. Naruto.”

“Oi Neji, it’s been a while,” Naruto waved.

Neji only gave a curt nod in response.

You asked, “What are you doing here, Neji?” but just as you ended your question, the answer immediately clicked on your mind. “Oh my god, I’m sorry I forgot!”

Over your excitement of Naruto’s arrival, you forgot that it was a Tuesday. Tuesdays were your lunch dates and sparring sessions with Neji.

“It’s okay.”

“Hold on.” you told him and then faced Naruto. “Gotta go, Naruto! Bye!” you said as you grabbed Neji’s hand out of habit.

Neji flushed, not exactly expecting your action, but you didn’t notice because it was something that you’re used to doing, although not in the presence of someone else.

“See you later!” Naruto waved.

When Naruto was out of sight, you dropped Neji’s hand unconsciously. “Sorry, I forgot about lunch. What time is it? Have you eaten?” You asked Neji.

He quickly responded and told you he hasn’t eaten anything yet.

“Well then, let’s go. I’m starving.”

Neji and you walked side by side out of the training grounds.

“So…” you started saying.

Neji stared at you. “Hm?”

“How was your day, baby?”

He cleared his throat and looked away almost instantly. Very rarely would one find Neji flustered, but calling him “baby” always worked. He wasn’t quite used to the endearment and every time you addressed him as such with tenderness laced in your voice, he would blush. You use it all the time just to see his cheeks tinted pink. It was a cute sight.

“What’s wrong?” You playfully asked while trying to get into his line of vision.

He refused to meet your gaze until he regained his composure. When he did, he told you — in an impassive manner — what he had done in the morning before he went out looking for you.

Despite his expressionless face and his rather hushed tone, you listened intently to the words he was saying, the smile on your lips never leaving your face. Neji was a man of few words even until now that you were together so you made sure you paid attention every time he spoke, not wanting his words to go to waste.

He wouldn’t admit it to you but he loved that about you. You would remember even the little details of his stories, which in itself was a big deal considering you tend to forget a lot of things. You treasured his words, sentences, thoughts, ideas and plans, and kept them enclosed in your memory.

Neji loved that you focused on him. You made him feel like he was important and worthy, and that he mattered, in a completely different way than the others’ view of him.

The others only saw him as important because he was an asset both to the Hyuga clan and to Konoha. He only mattered to them because he has the strength and ability to protect them.

But you didn’t see him that way. You saw him as his own person — a man with a brilliant mind, a great moral compass, and a heart of gold. This was further confirmed when you told him that if his circumstances were different — if he was not a Hyuga or even a shinobi — you’d still fall in love with him as long as his character remained the same.

He knew you love him, there was no doubt about that. It was known; it was an irrefutable truth, an indisputable fact. But why did seeing you with Naruto trigger his insecurities that you had previously put to rest?

His mind was reeling, but he tried his hardest to be in the moment with you.

The thing was, he might have misread you a little. Because the attention that you gave him wasn’t solely focused on his words. In actuality, it extended to his actions and mannerisms as well.

This was how you knew that there was something that was bothering Neji today.

Unwelcome thoughts swarmed his mind, leading him to absentmindedly reach out to you. He was walking beside you closer than usual, with his hand on your lower back. While there was no doubt that he was listening to you when it was your turn to tell him about your day with Naruto, he had a faraway, vacant look on his face.

You may have missed the presence of a rock a while ago, but you certainly wouldn’t miss these small details about Neji.

These might come across as something normal for other people, but for someone like you who dedicated a lot of time admiring and memorizing every little detail of the certain Hyuga boy, it was easy to tell that something was on his mind from the way he was taking up a portion of your personal space. Almost as if his own restrictions were non-existent.

Normally, it would’ve been easier to confront him about it, but you were a shinobi, and if there’s something you learned from Kakashi sensei, it was that you have to gather more intel before actually making a move.

But you could only think of one way to confirm if there was something bothering your partner, and it was through his hair.

On regular days, Neji wouldn’t allow anyone to touch his hair, including you. But when there was something that was bothering him, or if he had a particularly rough day, he wouldn’t mind it if you threaded your fingers through his hair. In fact, he wouldn’t admit it, but he preferred it if you did that. It was something that calmed him down.

So while you continued telling him how your day went, you subtly angled your body towards him. Then you tentatively reached for the tips of his hair with your hand that was closest to him. You managed to grab a few strands of his hair between your thumb and index finger. You twisted them between your fingers.

You looked up to him to check if he was bothered by it, but it seemed like he didn’t mind at all. This certainly meant that his mind was elsewhere, despite the fact that he was nodding in the right parts of your speech and even correcting you when you used the wrong word to describe something.

You retracted your hand after coming up with your conclusion. You even stopped talking as you were thinking of what could’ve happened for him to be this distracted. Neji didn’t even notice you stopped talking mid sentence.

Somehow this just felt different from the times he was frustrated or anxious before, and quite frankly, you were worried.

By the time you had both placed orders and seated in a random restaurant, you decided to confront your partner. “So, Neji, baby, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

He choked on nothing after hearing your question. Was he really that easy to read? Or was it easy just because it was you reading him?

He cleared his throat and feigned ignorance, “What are y-you talking about?”

You opted to give him a pointed look instead of a verbal response.

He didn’t stare back, looking anywhere but you. Most times, Neji would face you head on until you conceded; with you, he was comfortable being stubborn and unyielding because it came without repercussions. But today, he wasn’t up for the challenge. And if you looked more closely, he was once again sporting a faint color on his cheeks.

You waited a moment for him to answer, or at least to look back, but it was to no avail. With a sigh, you said, with the softest tone you could muster partnered with a reassuring smile, “Would you let me know when you’re ready, at least?”

Surprisingly, Neji looked at you then. “It’s nothing… It’s just… something silly.”

You gently grabbed a hold of his hand. “Don’t tell me it’s silly, I know it isn’t if it bothers you, baby. You don’t have to tell me now if you aren’t comfortable yet, hmm? Just know I’ll be here to listen to you.” You gave him a genuine smile and a small squeeze to his hand before letting go.

Neji’s eyes hadn’t strayed from then onwards. He had to admit sometimes he would forget how incredibly kindhearted you were, even more so when it came to him. You always made sure he was comfortable. You never forced him into doing or saying things that he wasn’t ready to do or say. You allowed him to make his own decisions and respected them, something that rarely came from being a subordinate of Konoha and a member of the branch family of the Hyuga clan.

Life as a shinobi was sometimes constricting, but you were his breather from all that.

It was your turn to be bashful from his stare. You could feel your face warming up from the unexpected, scrutinizing gaze. “Neji, stop it.”

“What?”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Stop being beautiful, then.”

The words that came out of Neji’s lips startled you. It wasn’t everyday he would actually use words to tell you you’re beautiful. The way he expressed his appreciation to your beauty would come in the form of fluttering kisses or gentle brushes on your body parts — coincidentally, or not, on parts where you feel the most insecure about.

Fortunately for you, the food came at the right moment, since you weren’t exactly sure how to respond to his unexpected compliment. You both ate in silence then, occasionally peeking at each other  — almost like how it was when you first started dating each other.

When you were done with lunch, you expected to take the route towards the training grounds like you both usually did, but Neji’s hand has taken solace on your back once again and this time with intent to guide you to a different direction.

You were confused but you followed anyway. “Where are we going?”

“To my place.” A pause. “Is that fine with you?”

“Sure” was all you could say. Admittedly, you were quite tired from the duel you had with Naruto earlier and you didn’t really have enough energy to spar with Neji, considering he never went easy on you.

By the time you had entered his place, he graciously offered his couch to you, as if sensing your exhaustion. You immediately plopped down on his couch after setting aside your footwear by his front door.

“Tired?”

“Very,” you mumbled.

He handed you a glass of water, knowing you weren’t quite fond of tea. He sat down beside you just as you thanked him and sipped on your drink.

Setting aside the glass, you leaned back on the couch, only to be welcomed by Neji’s arms. A small smile automatically crept into your lips from the gesture. You snuggled into him as a reflex.

It was moments like this with Neji that you treasured most. While you enjoyed tagging around with him and the rest of Team Guy on missions, you preferred spending time with him peacefully like this, without the imminent threat of danger looming over your heads. It was rather a rare occurrence, after all, for two shinobis like you both were.

Neji was first to break the comfortable silence. “I saw you with Naruto a while ago.”

“You did? When?” You excitedly asked while trying to pull away from his embrace to look directly to his face. But for some reason, he kept you in place, your cheek pressed to his neck. “Did you see me kick his ass? Like literally.”

“Yes,” he answered flatly. It was a response that sounded so… dry. Usually when you both talked about Naruto, there would be a fondness from his tone. “But… I also saw something else…” he trailed off.

You raked your mind, trying to remember what had happened earlier. Then the memory of falling down flashed on your mind, and suddenly you felt embarrassed for Neji having to witness such a mistake. “Oh no!” You jumped out of his grasp, startling him in the process. “You saw me fall down! That’s so embarrassing!” You covered your face with your palms.

“Well, yes… but—”

You snapped your head at the tone he used. He didn’t sound like he was going to tease you for your mistake, in fact, it kind of sounded like he was worried.

“I’m fine though, if you’re worried,” you offered, assuming he thought you got hurt from the fall.

“I’m glad you are not hurt,” he said. Not long after you noticed him visibly gulping.

You could tell there was something else in his mind, and whatever it was, you had a feeling it might’ve been the thing that was bothering him a while ago. You tried to come up with guesses as to what it could’ve been. As you recalled how the conversation started and considered how he was acting, a plausible answer popped into your mind.

“Are you perhaps… jealous?” You hesitantly asked. He was the first one to initiate this conversation so you were assuming he was ready to talk about it. Despite that though, you didn’t want to force him to talk so you carefully and reluctantly asked him. He was always allowed to drop the topic if he wasn’t comfortable and he knew that.

Neji cleared his throat as soon as the words left your mouth all the while avoiding to meet your eyes once again. “Maybe,” he almost inaudibly said.

You were surprised by his answer. It wasn’t always that Neji got jealous. The only time he was was when a stranger was blatantly hitting on you in front of him while you were on a mission together.

“It did not sit right with me seeing you in an… inappropriate position with someone else.” He explained. The tone he used sounded like the one he used with the Hokage when he was taking responsibility for something that went horribly wrong on a mission.

“Don’t make it sound like it’s wrong,” you said softly as you cupped his face. “You don’t have to feel guilty about feeling jealous. Your feelings are valid.”

The gentleness and warmth in your voice made his heart flutter. If this was a conversation with someone else, he was sure he was going to get teased for feeling this way, but it was with you, and you had always been different.

“I love you, Neji,” you said before you kissed his lips.

It was amazing how the three words you used that preceded his name could easily wipe out the jealousy that had brewed inside him. This was another testament of how well you knew Neji — not only did you know the small details about him, but you also know the right words to ease his worries.