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destinygoldenstar · 22 days ago

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🌟Can Gays Coexist In Peace?🌟 - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 3 Episode 2 “Gone Buck Wild!”

I WAS VERY EXCITED TO SHOW YOU GUYS THIS.

So, I kinda maybe DITCHED THE SCREENSHOT EDITS...

Instead, for this season, you're getting complete digital art from me as headings.

I'll put these on their own in separate posts later.

SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY A GABELLIE HEADING.

Don't worry, you're not gonna see art of the same character over and over again. It's just 'who did I find interesting the previous episode?' 'what do I feel like?' Ya know?

I think these girlies are here to stay. So I gave them some spotlight.

...I know my art isn't great :(

Alright today we're going into the game itself! We got Red Yellow And Blue!

...oh wait, sorry, we got yellow, blue, and PINK.

OF ALL COLORS, YOU PICK PINK.

I like pink, but also, that's a color that screams 'disaster' when you put it in this setting.

I have literally no reason to make fun of Pink Team yet, but here we are. XD

Thank you all for the support btw. And your warnings that this season is terrible. Appreciate it.

I mean hey, if it's bad, I want it to be the fun type of bad. That's all I ask.

What did you say? "YUL ReGRETT this?"

I already regret it just from hearing that pun... /s

Alright, so... I'm doing it anyway. It's on me if I'm tortured.

I can't get over that the very first second of this intro is lady whats-her-name killing Oliver by shoving him off a plane.

Ooh does Lake's suitcase have a flower on it?

Don't say I'm not watching the intro every time.

First minute, and we already have the child getting hurt.

WHOOPS.

"My bad! Never used one of these doo-hickeys in my life."

Yeah she didn't mean to do that.

She wouldn't willingly hurt a child, even if it's Fiore.

"Oh god, we're on the same team."

"WHO IN TARNATION DECIDED ON PINK?!"

Yeah I wonder how that's gonna go, since, ya know, Fiore's the main source of Ashley's downfall last time. And Ashley has a good motive for the money.

"I wasn't lying, I'd never used a parachute before, but I definitely chose to land on Fiore."

OKAY NEVERMIND SHE DID MEAN TO DO THAT.

WHAT THE HELL ASHLEY?

"Far as I'm concerned, even though I'd never wish pain to a little girl, she deserved worse than a kick to the head."

I mean... is it bad that I kind of get that logic??

Like, it's shitty cause it's a kid, but this is Fiore we're talking about. She WANTS to be treated as grown up by everyone.

So that's what she gets.

Plus she's a bit of a psychopath who would murder people for money, so yeah.

I act like Grett and Riya are any better...

I like Fiore too, so you know.

"Think this is where we split."

No. Don't split.

We need to talk about this.

"On the jet, you mentioned we would get a chance to talk."

Yes. Thank you.

"Seeing as we aren't on the same team this time... this could be our last chance. You think we can talk now?"

I know. This is a rather tragic circumstance.

You finally see each other again, and then you can't hang out?

I mean, they can visit camps, right? They never said you couldn't do that. They can still catch up.

"Oh um-sorry-I um... need to get to my team as soon as possible."

Tom.

Tom what's going on?

I mean... I think I get it.

After what happened last time, you might be freaking out...

...but come on. Do you want to sort things out or not?

Goddammit Tom.

"Let him go, Jake. He's clearly not interested in patching things up."

Yeah, that might be it too.

Though, it is in character for Tom to not want to talk about hard stuff.

He probably already moved on.

He has a new job. He has a new life now.

It just didn't work out. And now you suddenly see them again? It's gonna be like that.

"I don't want to assume things like last time. I want to hear it from him."

"His silence speaks volumes."

"After everything we've been through... is this really it?"

Surely not.

I wouldn't be able to take it.

We're two episodes in. You got time.

It's a lot of PTSD. People with that don't want triggers.

Idk I'm really trying here. I think they're gonna explain it at some point.

"It might be time to move on."

Awwwww 😥

He's not gonna be able to connect with anyone here.

Hunter has two girlfriends. James has a boyfriend.

He's alone.

And it's hard to move on from something like that too. It just really sucks cause she might be right.

AWWWW GABBY'S HAIR IN A PONYTAIL!!!❤️

"I hope there aren't too many from our season..."

UUUUUUUHHHH ABOUT THAT...

Yeah...

"After how you treated me on the jet over here? You're lucky I even acknowledged you."

YOU SLANDERED EVERYONE PUBLICALLY.

"If you guys continue to bicker, it'll be the death of both of you!"

YUS QEEEN 👑

GABBY PUTTING HER FOOT DOWN.

"NO FIGHTING AT THE DINNER TABLE!"

"I'm glad I have Gabby and Tess, but having to deal with Sheriff Himbo's grudge-"

DID YOU JUST CALL HIM SHERIFF HIMBO?! 😂

That doesn't have a right to be funny.

"I know there's no point in apologizing since you won't believe me, but I want to play differently this time."

I'll believe it when I see it. How about that?

"We can work together. As long as it's on my terms of course."

"But after all I've done?! I protected you this whole game! I helped you win the zombie apocalypse challenge, saved your life in the cave, covered up your plans so no one would suspect you're a PSYCHOPATH, and you STILL eliminate me?!"

"Hey! Words hurt you know!"

I thought you knew that 'Demon Child' is accurate.

You yourself said that.

"Dang, why did we have to get the little girl on our team?"

DAMN, NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH HER.

I mean look at it this way.

You have an easy first boot on your team.

"The problem is that last time, we lost almost every challenge because of you."

Uh... let me think about that...

*Does the math*

Actually, that is only not true one time. Episode 4.

Episode 5 in a half cause that was a collab between her and Alec's failure to cook.

So 1 1/2 out of 4 that's false.

Yeah, she has a point.

"I'm screwed."

YA THINK?

"Never told you this, but as a young lad, I was in the scouts. Really made a man out of me."

Look at Connor being useful!

"Grett, the human hemorrhoid."

Hemorrhoid?

OH.

MIRIAM, WATCH IT.

"Wow granny, you look just like this old woman I got accused of pushing down an escalator."

Oh yeah, Yul is here.

I almost didn't notice him till he opened his mouth.

"Also, if you call my girlfriend a hemorrhoid again, you'll be rolling down this hill."

I'd like to see you try.

Props for defending your girl I guess...?

Grett does not look happy about it though.

"To put it nicely, this team is a hot mess."

No it's not.

You have two queens who know how to play. Miriam's a good brains. You're a good brains.

The only reason it's a hot mess is because there's this one pesky stain here.

Get rid of him and you will see the light.

"What if we cover the tent in leaves?"

Does that work?

Does that actually work?

"Mind if I tag along?"

"I do mind actually."

Girl, what is your problem?

Just because he's dense and absent minded doesn't mean he doesn't want to help you.

You are literally beefing with your boyfriend because he can't remember every single detail of your words straight away.

"Alright, I know I look like a jerk for not remembering her game, but listen, Ally remembers a lot of video games. Remembering every game she talks to me about would be harder than advanced calculous."

Yeah. EXACTLY.

Why is she so mad about this? She should know he's like this.

Like... just tell him again?? Is that hard???

You act like he's ignoring you on purpose.

Jake and Allyson are gonna be besties.

"OMG MY LOVER IGNORES ME TOO!!!!"

"Is it even worth making a fire? The rain's just gonna come put it out."

Yeah why would you waste flint like that?

"I'd like to think about potentially forming an alliance."

Didn't they already say no?

NO MEANS NO.

"Hunter and Ally are a couple and James seems to be close to them."

Oh, that's true...

You can probably sway Allyson though.

And if Hunter is cool with it, boom. Four Person Alliance. Fiore and James are the minority.

"That's a risk I can take."

Yeah, I get that.

Jake's just like "I just came here to get some alone time with Tom AND NOW I CAN'T GET IT 😠-"

"I wanna discuss it privately with Jake now."

Oh?

*whispering* "Hey Jake, I think this girl is desperate."

"Relax, I just wanted her to go away. Her darn voice was starting to hurt my ears."

"I AM IN HEARING RANGE!!!!"

Awwww, Yul's suffering, how sweet 😄

Though I act like I'm better. I was out in the COLD at work most of the day. My skin was RED and I had FOUR LAYERS ON.

"What was my manager thinking sending me out here in a crop top?"

OH RELAX YOUR CROP TOP HAS FIRE ON THAT. THAT WILL WARM YOU UP RIGHT AWAY.

"And at least we still look good together."

If SHIT if your standard of good. Then sure.

God I still can't believe this is real...

"You all should have prepared better. I brought my alpaca fur coat, which not only is warm, but makes me look fabulous."

LOOK AT RIYA SHOWING OFF HER QUEEN STATUS.

GIRL IS FLEXING.

"For my next showing, I shall get everybody fur coats! We shall bond as a team making fur coats out of the fluffiest animals we can find!"

NO RIYA GABBY WILL SMACK YOU INTO NEXT TUESDAY!

"Riya's coat slays."

OH NO CONNOR DON'T TELL HER TO SLAY! SHE'LL DO IT!

"You know, now that you mentioned slaying, I WAS thinking about it..."

"I'm really worried about what this game is doing to Riya. When we're alone, she can be really sweet."

Yeah...

Though her being sweet off camera is kind of a shock, actually.

"But as soon as the cameras are on, she becomes someone else entirely."

Yeah because her reputation is based solely around being that someone else. Because the real her is the her that gets no success and no attention.

AWWWW LOOK AT THE BLUE TEAM BONDING OVER RAIN, THIS IS-

This is actually so nice. It is so nice to just relax for a bit and see characters bond.

This is so sweet. I like this. ❤️

I really miss stuff like this in Total Drama. Over the seasons, they kinda got rid of this stuff in favor of action.

This is taking its time. I appreciate it.

"When it rained, I was hiding in the camp, looking for something to help me with the Jensen problem."

And that was AFTER you were eliminated. Which was MERGE.

Damn. The Season 1 cast got lucky.

"What were you doing that night, Ellie?"

"Nothing..."

"I was just... you know... ruining a relationship... the usual."

And do not tell me "Ellie breaking them up was a good thing, actually!"

They were sorting things out on their own just fine until she butted in and fed lies!

And now look at the state of both of them not being able to get over it cause it hurt them THAT MUCH.

Don't tell me they deserved that!

If they were gonna break up, they would have done it on their own. Enough said.

"OH, OH REALLY, OH, so you don't recall stabbing me in the back and making me look like a moron on national television?!"

EXACTLY. THANK YOU.

"Well, it worked."

*spits a laugh*

Okay, that was good.

"BUT-BUT ELLIE COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANYTHING ELSE-"

Here. I will educate you.

"I didn't break it up to start an argument!"

"GODDAMMIT I'M GONNA HAVE TO RESORT TO BREAKING BRIDGES WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER!"

You better hope to GOD Gabby doesn't get a sledgehammer!

YOU BETTER HOPE TO GOD!

"You know it's bad when I have to be the voice of reason."

I... yeah. That is very concerning.

Still. Gabby slays.👑

Oh my god they're all in uniform.

I say that like they weren't in Season 1 too.

The PINK is just making me not take that team seriously. I'm sorry.

"PINK IS THE MOST INTIMIDATING COLOR!"

They're reminding me of Barbies.

Well, two Barbies, a Chelsea, and three Kens.

"Uh James? What are you doing helping the other team?"

That's his boyfriend.

I mean, of course JAKE is the one who says this.

"I DON'T TRUST THAT GUY! HE'S TRYING TO SABOTAGE HIS OWN TEAM!!"

"...I mean, I don't blame you for not trusting me. But learn to chill."

"I'LL CHILL WHEN YOU'RE DEALT WITH! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE A HAPPY LOVING RELATIONSHIP WHILE MINE WENT HORRIBLY WRONG AND WAS PUBLICALLY HUMILIATED AND GHOSTED FOR BEING ME AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"...well shit."

"They only let us film a new season here in exchange for repairing the environment."

So you set it on fire.

Sure.

God this is bad timing.

Oh my god XD

"How would you rate your Survivor experience?"

*Everyone goes in the red one*

"Fair enough."

"The yellow containers have eight mildly harmful animals."

What do you mean by mildly?

Mild as in a rabbit? Or mild as in a bear?

"And the red one contains four very dangerous critters."

WHO APPROVED OF THAT?!?!

WELP, SOMEONE'S GETTING MAULED.

Is a bever really that dangerous?

So... all the red is 40. All the yellow is also 40.

Just go for all the yellows. And the other two teams will split the reds, and boom, you win.

WHY WOULD YOU PUT THE CHILD AS YOUR DEFENSE?

BOO, PINK TEAM SUCKS.

Okay. AIDEN as defense.

WHYYYY?!?!?!?

WHAT IS YOUR LOGIC?!

Riya looks like she's just here to slay, honestly.

"I can attack and look good doing it. For my next showing, I am going to show you my secret football skills! They will fall before me as they tackle each other to the ground!"

NO RIYA FOOTBALL IS A DANGEROUS SPORT!

"Let's get the red container!"

GO FOR THE YELLOW. YA DUMBASSES.

Okay that's just funny. Idk why.

Don't just leave the goat there- oh my god.

And this is just the second episode XD

Okay first off, GET OFF ITS ASS. IT DON'T LIKE THAT.

Second, leash it from behind and let it run. It'll chase you through the door.

But mostly, DON'T TOUCH THE ANIMAL'S ASS!!!

DAMN SHE JUST ONE SHOT HER!

👑

Why is Gabby slaying so much this episode?

"Hey! Gabby punched me!"

That was a SMACK.

And also, THAT'S THE GAME!!!

I DUNNO WHAT TO TELL YA.

DON'T. TOUCH. THE ANIMALS. ASS!!

Please don't fuck a wolf.

It looks like all three of them are trying to fuck a wolf.

Oh look at the Yellow Team working well together!

"Don't think I've forgiven you."

Well, you just saved her from Hunter's bullying, so...

She's not even on your team, secondly.

"No one on my team likes me!"

"Can you blame them?"

Not really.

THANK YOU!

I WAS VERY CONCERNED WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO THAT WOLF EARLIER.

ALSO THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME!

Heyo. Tom. You're uh... you're kinda...

Oh my brain just got dirty. THANKS WOLF.

OH MY GOD LOOK AT RIYA BEING SMART!

GO OFF QUEEN! 👑

"For my next showing, I shall tame the wolf! And teach it human civilization! The better to eat you with, dear!"

NO RIYA THAT FAIRY TALE IS A VORE FIC!

"Change of plans! Go for the green containers!"

GO FOR THE YELLOW!

"Do you mean the crate or the team?"

*face palm*

NOPE.

OH GOD DON'T DO IT LIKE THAT!!!

Aw, Yul is suffering. That's nice. :)

GET HIM GOOSE!

She's just vibing XD

This challenge was made for Gabby.

Aw, Jake :(

Tom moved on. Hate to say it.

"Man, I have no friends."

"Seems like Tom's already replaced you."

OH GOD DON'T ADD SALT TO THE WOUND.

"He's been smiling more than usual around Aiden."

Yeah. Tom making friends. That's... pretty unlike him.

"But I was his sunshine..."

"I wouldn't be surprised if they talked before this."

Uh, Aiden was in Brazil, so uh... how would that be possible?

Jake's gonna be like "You really think I buy into that crap? Come on. You just want to hurt me."

"Which leaves Team Magenta with a messily twelve points."

Oh wow.

Okay. Noted.

PINK TEAM SUCKS 😂

I THINK WE FOUND OUR TEAM VICTORY.

"Hey James, can I ask you something?"

Is he actually gonna tell someone what happened?

That's shocking coming from Jake. But proud of him.

"Have you noticed how quickly Tom and Aiden became friends?"

Huh. He's CALM about it too?

Damn. Jake's development is actually consistent.

"Yeah, so, I haven't seen or heard from Tom in two years, and him quickly making friends like that doesn't seem like him. And I have trust issues, so I don't want to assume the worst out of it or believe Alec. Can you help me out man? Thanks. Appreciate it."

I gotta admit, I expected Jake to be pissed and not talk to anyone about this.

"No. I'm not on their team."

DUH.

"I think you should talk to Aiden."

Good idea. WOW. 👍

Talk to Aiden. Find out the truth. You find out Alec is full of crap. You clear the air!

Jake is actually taking this really well and doing the right thing!

"What are you implying, Jake?!"

Wh-?

Why are you mad at him?

He said FRIENDS. He didn't say cheating.

CHILL.

"Well, it just seems very unusual to me."

As Jake WOULD assume. He hasn't seen Tom since last season.

He just wants a full picture and understand what's happening. Which is justified.

"Respectfully, you don't know Aiden. Be careful what you're suggesting."

I'm pretty sure he was talking about Tom's side of it.

JAMES. CHILL.

"Woah, no need to be that hostile."

YEAH. HE ASKED CALMLY AND OPEN MINDED.

WHY ARE YOU UPSET?!

Come on. If Jake BELIEVED Aiden was cheating on James with Tom, WHY WOULD HE CONFRONT THIS TO JAMES SO CALMLY AND SUGGEST TALKING OUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

He's coming here cause he doesn't want to believe it and wants solid proof and help to assure him that it's a lie.

And James is getting all fired up for no good reason.

"You are making stuff up about my boyfriend!"

ALL HE SAID WAS THAT HE WAS FRIENDS WITH TOM.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

James, you're killing me right now!

You did in Season 2 as well, but still.

"I didn't make anything up! Others have noticed too! Are you blind?!"

And now you're firing up Jake.

James, ya fucked up.

"Listen boy toy. Clearly you have trust issues. My boyfriend is not cheating on me."

So why are you yelling at him instead of helping clear the air?

YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE.

JAMES JUST STOP.

"Are you calling me a liar?!"

"A lie would have to be smart. You're delusional."

Bruh.

James, you fucked up.

And now I remember why I don't like James XD

I'm surprised Jake was handling that well though. He actually learned something from Season 1. He didn't explode until James snapped at him.

I'm proud of my boy.

But now I think he is gonna be bitter about the friendship because Tom won't talk to him, so it just further proves that he doesn't care about Jake anymore in his mind.

Clearly Jake has no friends, so that hurts even more.

"Well, anyone I ask for help is being a dick to me, so you know what? SCREW PEOPLE. SCREW EVERYONE HERE. YOU ALL SUCK."

"The casting team really dropped the ball inviting Jake back. I mean, have they seen what he posts? Crying about never finding true love? Hashtag Thirsty."

Okay that's just mean XD

"This is the fortieth day since the incident... I have never been the same... I'M OUT OF ICE CREAM!! AND HE HAS NO SERVICE WHERE HE LIVES!!!😭"

🎵"ALL ALOOOOOONNNEEE, PRETENDING HE'S BESIDE MEEEEEE..."🎵

Yeah, so Jake has NOT BEEN DOING WELL since Season 1.

I don't blame him one bit.

And I don't blame him for assuming the worst either.

And James is still a piece of shit.

"Ever since Jake blew up on James-"

James blew up on Jake. Were you not eavesdropping?

"Fiore is the weakest member of the team. If we want to win challenges, she should be the one to go."

Which is fair logic, actually.

She is kinda useless without her strategic power that no one is falling for anymore.

"Jake was on my side on voting Fiore, but since the argument, he's been begging me to change our vote to James."

Do I blame him?

Honestly? Do I blame him?

I was coming into this thinking "Yeah Jake is gonna be an asshole. I'll support him, but NOT because I'm on his side."

...well shit. I'm on his side.

"This is the perfect chance to get revenge on Fiore. For Will, Lill, and even Nick who I don't care about but I'll stick him in there too."

WAS THAT SURVIVOR REFERENCE?!??!?!

HEYO!!!! I KNOW THAT LINE!!!!!!

VERY CLEVER DISVENTURE CAMP!!!! VERY CLEVER!!!!!

I understand losing Fiore.

But also, I kinda want James to go.

'JAMES'

Nice. Very nice.

'JAKE'

Yeah yeah yeah, fuck you James.

'JAMES'

Fiore's handwriting.

I can't memorize everyone's handwriting. But Fiore's is just so obvious.

'FIORE'

Oh wait, is Fiore going...?

I mean it makes sense.

'FIORE'

OH MY GOD SHE'S GOING.

Welp, bye kid!

OH.

OH MY GOD. ASHLEY?!

ASHLEY LOCKING IN JAKE AS AN ALLY?!?!

That's... actually very smart of her.

Because the two are voting against each other, and if Fiore goes, that tension makes Ashley an outcast and the next to go because Allyson and Hunter are sided with James-

So the best move is to get James out.

By doing that, she locks in Jake as an ally, and evens the numbers with Allyson and Hunter, because they won't work with Fiore!

Wow!

Well played! 👏

THAT WAS A SMART MOVE!👏

I LIKE THAT!

"I can't believe you guys sided with that spoiled brat!"

Look who's talking.

"SPOILED?! I HAVE NOTHING BUT A SURROGATE GRANDMA!"

"From last years champion to first boot."

I know, right? That's crazy!

HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.

"Good luck having a paranoid nutcase on the team."

He's not wrong.

I'm not gonna defend Jake and say he's perfect. Cause no.

He's the problem person on this team.

"I'm sorry James... but Jake is the only person on the team I've formed a small bond with in this short time, and I don't plan on burning it now..."

That's crazy.

I thought it would be Jake and Allyson.

Jake and Ashley was NOT on my bingo card.

"I can't help but feel bad."

Aww.😥

He's remorseful about it.

"Am I right to suspect something between Tom and Aiden? I don't have that answer right now, but in case it's true... tonight was payback. Now Aiden will feel what it's like to have the person you love taken away."

DAMN.

OKAY. DAMN.

I mean, he's acting out of impulsiveness, right? HOLY SHIT MAN.

I mean, PERSONALLY, I think you did Aiden a favor.

But that is SO MESSED UP.

What did I say?

JAKE IS AN ASSHOLE.

I FREAKING CALLED THIS.

WHAT DID I SAY?

WHAT DID I SAY WOULD HAPPEN?!?!

HE TRUSTS NO ONE.

YAY JAKE IS AN ASSHOLE!!🥳

...that intention was still fucked up and I won't defend it.

But congrats on starting your asshole journey!👏

I...

Okay that really picked up at the end there!

There's some stupidity happening, but when is there not? That shit's been going on the past two seasons.

I did not expect James to be the first boot but you know what? I'm happy about it!

Dude dug his grave!

I'm looking back at that scene real quick and YEAH. Jake was being very calm and kindly asking James to help him out and talk to Aiden about the friendship with Tom. He said nothing about cheating.

And then James just EXPLODES on him FOR NO GOOD REASON.

Like, SHIT, NO WONDER JAKE VOTED YOU OFF. YOU GIVE QUITE A NUMBER OF RED FLAGS.

The top comment I just saw XD

Except he DIDN'T?

Hear me out.

If Jake ACTUALLY instantly believed that, we wouldn't have talked to James at all. He wouldn't have come to James to ask for clarity on what's happening.

Who else could he talk to? Tom won't do it.

It's because he DOESN'T trust it that this whole argument happened.

Or at least, he doesn't WANT to trust it.

BUT GODDAMMIT, JAMES GAVE HIM NO CHOICE NOW.

It's not that he believes Alec, it's that he has a terrible social life since his season and he's hurt by it, and no one is helping him figure it out.

I am all for Jake's Asshole Arc!

That past two episodes was a good build up and starting point to it. It makes sense for him!

YES! BE A DICK! HATE YOUR TEAM! HATE EVERYONE! RUIN YOUR LIFE AND RUIN YOUR CHANCES AT THIS GAME!

You're doing amazing, sweetie! He's gonna fuck up everything.

Aiden is going to LOATHE YOU.

He deserves to be loathed by him though.

OH THIS IS GONNA BE FUN :)

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cammy-mcspammy · 5 months ago

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Tw vent, sch00l shootings, depression, mentions of S/A and abus3.. overdose, death talk?

Err, this post might be a little long- I'm writing out what happened.

I'm still processing this so I'm sorry if my art isn't sparkly cute or this isn't a pretty post. I normally dont speak about my life but I needed an outlet to speak about this. I'm still very shaken up so I'm sorry if this comes out randomly.

I uh, experienced something pretty traumatizing today. A party I was prepared for and even did my nails and freaked out about dresses and laughed with my friend groups basically just.. turned into hell. From the start theres videos of me at taco bell with friends, seeing and meeting up to music and all- before i realized i might of di3d today. And I HARDLY draw vent art or cry in front of people but- one of my friends ran up as the music paused and told us somebody had a gun. I just ran.

All I can really remember is calling my family and saying goodbye as I pushed by a crowd of people sobbing and screaming. It was horrible. I mean, I have a fear of death like no other and well- I was having about six panic attacks and adrenaline. I ignored all my friends shouting for me and just RAN. I don't know where, I just shoved whoever it was and hid.

I heard a few people in the group couldn't be found until much later and I was practically sobbing once I get out of a wall I was hiding behind, deciding to start calling my family. I could hear my mother trying to understand my sobs of "I'm so sorry" for everything. Even the abuse she put me through, I know i caused so much trouble for her too. I was practically sobbing out my goodbyes as my friends tried to comfort me. It was humiliating to cry in public, something I swore I'd never do again but SURE ENOUGH I was sobbing on whoever would comfort me.

I called my mom, and then my brother- who practically started screaming and sobbing about me. It made me comforted to see him rush out and drive to me, calling the police like so many others did, and sob to me like I was already dead. It was surreal, I could hardly notice the pain in my shoes or the stupid flowers my friends dad got me.

It was traumatizing. Just like my S/A or my parents abuse all together, i could see multiple cop cars and rumors spread around and I just felt numb? I couldn't breathe at all and all I could really do was sob again and again. I feared my life for the first time.

I remember when the music stopped I thought it was some fight. A kid already had gotten an overdose and two kids got caught getting handsy in a bathroom stall- I assumed it was some dramatic thing that happened at a party. Not a shooting.

When my brother rushed past a ton of red lights and my mother ran out of her party gathering, my father was already gone a country away getting his surgery. I didn't care, I called him and by all the stress and sobbing I thought he didn't care. I was so wrong about this and I'm honestly thankful nobody got hurt. I remember my brother just pulling over and hugging me when I got in the car, sobbing into my shoulder and freaking out more then I ever did.

He promised he'd buy me whatever I wanted, and I said some stupid fast food place. By the time we were far from the conflict and I called my family to tell them I was okay- it was weird. I just couldn't stop laughing and sobbing, when we got home we watched sonic and it felt so- surreal. Like I could of died and never got to see movies or my parents ever again. I was texting friends, informing people of what happened, and trying to understand through all these different voices what happened. But by then I shut my phone off and just let my mom cry into my shoulder.

I urge people to talk to their families and well- I don't know really. Take into account shit like this can happen, especially in private schools in America. Some idiot can threaten out their gun and ruin a night that was meant to be fun. This fueled my growing fear of death at every turn, so I fear this might make me fall into another depression pit. I already see my friends moving on and I feel stupid- so I wanted to vent about it to just- bring those feelings out there.

Love your family.

#vent post #vent #school shooters #tw overdose #tw shooting #tw depressing stuff #tw everything #vent art #sorry if this post is depressing #i didnt mean to be overly negative i just- wanted to speak out i guess.#if anybody has a clue to get over this before i become a shut-in.. be my guest #please #tw gun

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o0o0thorn0o0o · 1 year ago

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I be back.

Images by themselves below the cut because I spent way too much time on them + text because I’ve been gone for a while—‘course I got a lotta say.

It’s certainly been a while, eh? I did this last cour, too, and I swear to God if I do this for the next cour… Worst part is, I haven’t even watched it yet this time, rip :,) Will definitely do sometime later today, for sure, for sure.

So, I meant to get this done for IchiHime week (and look at how that turned out, haha), but not only was July a month full of pleasure, but it was also full of pain work. I was bordering a D for Orgo, so I spent a good portion prioritizing that—and it wasn’t for naught! Not only did I pass, but I went from a C- to a B! A freaking B, not even a B-!!! I’m still so shocked… I also ended up with over a 100 for lab, but I honestly kinda expected that. I’m just so glad I graduated without failing Orgo 2. Was infinitely better than Orgo 1, but goodbye, will never see you again. If I ever do, it’ll be too soon… Had hella good professors, though. That, I will say.

I go from ranting about Orgo to raving, even though it’s almost been a month… Oops ^^” The grade just still makes me so giddy, haha. Anyway, been mainly prioritizing drawing this (plus a part two to this, which I do have done as well, but I will be posting that sometime later today), though I did spend a good portion of the first half of this month rebooting my personal writing club. Enough about where I’ve been—let’s talk about the piece, shall we?

So, this was originally just an art idea I knew I wanted to do later, and when I saw what the first prompt was, it automatically came to the forefront of my mind. That, plus with the idea I eventually got for the second prompt, I really just had to. I actually probably could’ve gotten this done in a more reasonable time, but, see, when things are just an idea, I don’t put too, too much thought into them—only enough to consider them neat or substantial or something.

When it actually came to it, I found myself at a dilemma of just how faithful I wanted to stick with Orihime’s confession. Originally, I thought about incorporating the five specific things she mentioned into different past lives, but then I realized the timelines wouldn’t really make sense with what I was going for, especially considering Soul Society and stuff, which I had not thought about. So I kinda had to choose between previous lives or parallel lives. I initially went with the latter, but… idk, last minute, like the week of, I decided after checking the prompt list one more time that, nah, I definitely wanted previous lives. So, uh… yeah… I might still end up making a parallel lives version of this in the future, ‘cause I did like those ideas, too. We’ll see.

Anyway, I did try to make them at least somewhat reminiscent of the five things: Orihime and Hikoboshi are related to the astronaut thing ‘cause of space and stars and stuff. Heian Period IchiHime, well, it’s a bit of stretch, but I couldn’t really fit donuts in here since the timeline between them and the introduction of ice cream and the current timeline would’ve made one/two of these lives tragically short without even factoring in Soul Society—nothing wrong with tragedy, but not for this post, haha. So I went with small Chinese cakes ‘cause they’re a sweet? And they’d definitely be a very rare and special treat, so… idk.

Shinigami IchiHime’s also a bit of a stretch? You’d think I’d have the easiest time with being a teacher sometime in history, but I ended up sticking it here, and I was adamant I wanted to draw them in their academy days. So, you’ve got Orihime teaching Ichigo some kido techniques or something, idk. Maybe there’s also a kido equivalent to the dummy Hollow thing? And Orihime has a similar/equivalent position to Shuuhei for that? Idk, am just spitballing here to justify myself even though I know I don’t have to.

Then finally, we got Edo Period IchiHime, with Ichigo introducing ice cream to Orihime for the first time ever. And then of course, I shouldn’t have to explain the last one, haha.

Oh, God, I have so much to catch up on… which I will do later. And hey, since my scheduled posts are all up, I guess I’ll just use my queue to reblog posts I’ve missed since Ik I definitely will be reblogging a lot—don’t wanna bombard you with a ton of posts, aha. I will be making them daily instead of weekly, though, so that I’m not stashing them for too long. Starting tomorrow.

#bleach #inoue orihime #kurosaki ichigo #ichihime #fanart #digital art #I hate backgrounds sooo much #made my wrist fricking hurt #and what? to look subpar? bah humbug…#also ew what’s with that new dashboard setup???

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anths-girl · 2 months ago

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*Introduction Post*

Hello, Hi, my name is Marie, and I'm a forever flailing, teenage fangirl...trapped in the body of a boring, anti-social, awkward, bad brained, anxious mess of a 40-something year old woman... 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I am very A POSITIVE! That is to say...

Asexual

Atheist

Anti AI

Absolutely Done With All This Shit...

What to expect from this blog:

Mostly fandom stuff - said flailing fangirling, about my widely varied fixations (I cannot list them all, for they are legion...), doggos or other cute animals, things that make me laugh, or maybe cry. ART - always art.

FANFICTION IS LIFE!!!!

METALLICA!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻

I will reblog nsfw stuff on occasion, so anyone who's offended by such things... don't come yell at me later ☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻 LIKE I SAID, I AM A GROWN ASS WOMAN, and even though I'm asexual, I do still find men aesthetically pleasing, and can occasionally get severely horny for my fictional guys - DEAL WITH IT!

Hates and Peeves:

Don't censor words around me. I swear to FUCK - yes, that is my favourite word - one unalive or k**l and I am GONE. Anti AI. Pro lifers need to FUCK OFF RIGHT INTO THE SUN. Censorship of any kind, especially when it comes to fanfiction and fanart - LEAVE AO3 THE FUCK ALONE, PURITANS!!!! 🖕🏻 That fuckwit with the orange face, who's name makes me want to break out in hives, but rhymes with dump, and the Elongated Muskrat, and rich privilege in general... There's more, but since I have some decorum, and unlike some, I don't shit on things that OTHER people might like, so I won't add the entire list of things and people I hate here - THAT'S WHAT TAG BLOCKING IS FOR!!! 😃

*LINKS TO MY OTHER STUFF:

YouTube Channel:

Ko-Fi Page:

Please support if you're so inclined! 😉

I think that about covers it... Though I probably forgot about 9 million things, because I AM OLD and my brain is tired... 🤷🏼‍♀️

#introduction #introductory post #intro post #it me #on a personal note #anths girl posts #life #my life #about myself #my blog #blog #tumblr

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recurring-polynya · 8 months ago

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Writing/Art Update 6.4.2024

Unfortunately, this week, I am stuck in Everything is Slow and Probably Isn't Even Worth It land.

I've been fighting this story for two weeks now, and it just doesn't want to...be a story. I have rewritten it from scratch at least twice now, including swapping perspectives, and I haven't even gotten to the fight scene parts yet. Furthermore, it's such an incredibly niche concept, like I am really down in the sauce on this one. On the other hand, it is my sauce, like this is of interest to me, so I don't want to give up on it. On the other hand, sometimes it's like--if I am the primary audience for this, and it's causing me a lot of grief, is it really worth it? I don't know.

I am also working on an art project that is, again, primarily of interest to me, which is to say, I am attempting to redraw this loving pan over a bunch of goony-ass lieutenants. I generally draw people pretty closely on model, and I'm attempting to do a lot more stylization. I've been working on it at roughly a-lieuentant-a-day, and I am currently 5 lieutenants in, 6 to go. I am...not good at this. I mean! I think this is a good exercise for my art brain, etc etc, but it's moderately painstaking and I also kinda suck at this and I'm not entirely sure I will want to show off my efforts when I'm done.

Anyway, everything is hard right now, and I am very tired. I think that I'm not sick anymore, but it lingered so long, it's really be hard to tell if it's fully gone or not. I have been reading a lot lately, too (in part because of being sick). I have been very lucky to have read, like, 3 very good books in a row, although the one after that, I did not care for. I have two library holds due to come in shortly, so I'm trying not to start a new one until they get here. Also, while reading is good for me and I am in favor of reading, reading is a lot easier than writing, so I'm trying to push myself thru this writing thing before I get into another book, as well.

I don't knooooooooooow. Maybe I should just put this story aside and if I pick it up again later, I'll have more energy for it. I'm afraid, though, that I've got it all loaded into my RAM at the moment and I don't want to lose that. I'm probably also fooling myself that trying to write something else would be easier or more fun--I think I might just be having a writing-is-hard time. School is going to be out shortly, and it's going to be even harder to do stuff, which makes me extra mad that I am too stupid and lazy to actually take advantage of the time that is available to me, but that's just how it is sometimes.

Oh, Damage History is over now. I should probably do some sort of wrap-up post and change my pinned. I was going to do that today, but I'm not sure I feel up to it. Later this week, hopefully!

#writing update #art update

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mysticsparklewings · 4 months ago

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Obscutober 2024 Day 22: Adust

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Adust (adj.)

scorched; burned

dried or darkened as by heat

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#Obscutober 2024 Day 22: Adust 🔥

I can’t believe we’ve only got 9 Days left to go of October/Inktober. 😵

I also kind of can’t believe I’m as happy as I am with how today’s art turned out since it’s not a very “me” palette or concept, but here we are! 🙌

Click the "Keep Reading" and we'll talk a bit more about my general thoughts/process. ✨

⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

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Some of you may remember that yesterday I mentioned today would be another day I have to fit Obscutober in around some IRL things; For that reason, I decided it would be best to keep the concept simple and just do my best to add details where I could to make it feel more complex than it actually is.

[This is also why this is going up later in the evening tonight; I actually had the art done earlier, but I didn't have time to sit down and write this description and the cross-posting caption until many hours later. 😅]

Naturally, the most obvious thing I thought of was fire. There are other things that can burn or scorch of course, like the sun or even hot water, but fire was the path of least resistance and something I haven't really touched on in previous Days, so that's what I went with. But I did do my best to not focus so much on the orange and the flames themselves.

I did still rely on shapes that felt "fiery," or in some cases "spiky," because I was thinking about the spiny, blistering pain that a burn or scorch would come with, and I played just a tad more with line texture for the same reason.

It wasn't fully intentional, but I think the outer edge with the cross-hatching kind of came out looking like that area was actually burned by the fire, so that was nice! My goal was just to try and get some mroe darkness/black as things tend to turn when burned in without having to rely on black much for the actual background colors, so the texture working out well in another way was a nice bonus. 👍

I also didn't intend for the angled lines in the ring closer to the center to look sort of like firewood, but that's what happened! I was just going with a zig-zag (...although in hindsight, it's really just the "zig" I guess) because I thought zig-zags felt kind of spiky and they mimic the movement of a flame without being too obvious.

The centermost ring was intentionally supposed to kind of look like a stone ring like you might find placed around a fire. I couldn't think of anything else that felt like a genuinely good place to start, and that was reasonably simple to do, so it won by default. 🤷‍♀️

And while I don't think it's doing as much as yesterday, I think today's color scheme is still doing quite a bit to really tie everything together. As I mentioned, I tried to be careful about how much orange and brightness I gave to the fire since the word is more about something fire does than fire itself, but it was kind of unavoidable/inevitable that some would be included and that it would steal focus from the colors that are actually more "adust"-related. At least the way my brain works, it was.

That wasn't helps by the fact that I'm just not generally drawn to browns in a color-palette anyway; I prefer bright and unnatural colors. 😆 But today was not the day to try and experiment with a magic-fire palette instead of a natural one.

It did take a little patience to get the balance of the darkness and the placement of the darkest browns just right, but it really wasn't that bad, especially given had tired I was at the time I got to that stage. [This is was in the early morning hours before I'd gone to bed.]

And...I think that's everything. A bit short and sweet for tonight, but like I said, I purposefully kept things simple and tried not to get too caught up in the conceptual details because I had other things to worry about today.

All things considered, I think it could have certainly turned out much worse, so I'm satisfied with my efforts. 🙂

It was never going to be in the running for my favorites based on color palette alone, but it's definitely not my least favorite—I like it about as much as I reasonably could with the palette and concept I ended up working with.

Now the real "fun": Seeing if I can be equally satisfied with my cross-posting experience and get to eating dinner in a reasonable amount of time. 😅

See you Sparklers tomorrow as we count down the final 9 days to go! 👋

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See the Prompt List

Artwork © me, MysticSparklewings

Obscutober Concept Inspired by nikolas_tower

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⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

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genericpuff · 1 year ago

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Remembering My Roots - Rest in Peace, RateMyDrawings

I've talked about my old art before on here, but never really fully in-depth about the site that hosted it. I was reminded of it today while going through my FB memories and felt like I should actually write a true eulogy towards what once was.

Once upon a time, before LORE | REKINDLED, before Time Gate: [AFTERBIRTH], before I had even started drawing webcomics, I entered the world of digital art through one website - not DeviantArt, not Pixiv, but a little site called RateMyDrawings. Back in the day, it was one of the most popular browser-supported art tools, offering multiple different art tools that were, at the time, revolutionary. A flash drawing tool which could replay the progress of your drawing (but the tradeoff was that you had a limited amount of 'ink' aka recording data), a Java-supported tool that was essentially Photoshop Lite (but didn't come with the recording), and later, a more refined tool supported by HTML5 (?) that offered more 3D-like brush tools. There was also DrawChat, a live drawing flash tool where you could draw with others and chat.

And on that site, I created my first works of digital art. No drawing tablet, just a mouse and a loooot of patience. They'd host contests every now and then to win budget Wacom tablets. Sometimes I'd enter, I'd never win. I did eventually get my first drawing tablet, but by then, I'd moved on from RMD onto actual software such as GIMP and Photoshop Elements.

That site is gone now, one of the first art site deaths I'd ever experience in my teen years. I was around 12-13 when I started using this site and I adored it. When people talk about missing the 'tight-knit communities' of old, I don't think of DA, I think of RMD, my first home. Unfortunately, the site couldn't survive in the 'modern' era of the Internet, overshadowed by more advanced tools and art-sharing sites like Deviantart, Facebook, and Instagram.

But I did manage to backup some of my old art pieces before the site finally became completely shuttered in the early 2020's. For a while the site was awake but lacked any content or features, with a message from the site's creator Mick that it might come back, it might not.

It didn't. The old ratemydrawings.com URL now redirects to the inactive FB page. Any attempt to bypass that kill screen like before leads to an Error 404.

But while the site was in its comatose state - before it was shuttered permanently - I was able to access my old profile and extract some of my art pieces of old. I posted them to my FB about 3 years ago, and today they showed up in my memories.

I share a lot of art pieces from creators like Rachel Smythe in an attempt to preserve media. But I also need to remember to preserve my own. So here are a handful of the 100+ pieces I drew on RMD. Enjoy ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Don't be confused by the '1987' part of the username, I picked that number because I was a huge Zelda weeb and 1987 was the year the first Zelda game was made. Whoof.

What's ironic is I actually didn't have the Featured Artist award last time I was actively on the site, so it clearly happened while I was inactive in its final days. The one award I wanted the most and I wasn't there to witness getting it. RIP.

Unfortunately that's all I really have in the way of high-resolution drawings as I wasn't able to preserve much else (though if I find anything more I'll definitely add it to this post!) That said, I was able to nab some screenshots of my homepage via the Wayback Machine where you can see more of the pieces I did back then:

There are so many dorky ass drawings here, some from Time Gate (because it's that freaking old!!!), some are screenshot recreations from anime that I enjoyed (a very common trend on RMD), some are collaborations. There was a point where I learned how to color with the mouse by using low opacity colors and layering them one at a time. Really upped my game there LMAO That Ocarina of Time Link drawing was the first one I ever did that made it to the front page of RMD and y'all, I was so proud, the site back then I think had 50k users total which is nothing compared to the Internet today, but achieving that was one of the greatest things ever LOL The Skyward Sword drawing that followed was one that really felt like a milestone in terms of my art evolution, I felt like I was finally creating something good. I believe I did that Skyward Sword drawing off another DA piece at the time, it was really common to do redraw challenges on RMD what with the technical limitations of the site - I suppose redrawing stuff I liked back then should have been foreshadowing LMAO

That feeling wouldn't last forever ofc once the art high wore off, but even to this day I look back on the pieces from that era fondly. It's where the mysteries of digital art finally started to 'click' in my brain, and I had still barely gotten started.

I also have a few drawings preserved that were done after I got my first drawing tablet, and you can really tell with the improvement of the lineart LOL That said, I think I was around 18-19 when I did these:

Now, one thing that I really enjoyed doing on RMD were collabs - specifically, trading collabs where users would exchange drawing files through the RMD PM system with one another to do steps of a drawing together. Often times I took the role of coloring other people's lineart pieces, which is probably where I started to really learn digital art coloring and come into my own with it.

A collab with user "lime":

Collab with user "Mikai":

A collab with user "Overik", which I specifically remember struggling with because, at the time, my computer monitor's screen was messed up resulting in the entire thing basically being a fluorescent pink:

A collab with "Mist04" that I don't remember doing lmao:

Collab with "Adzumi" (?). I'm fairly certain that's who it was, I definitely remember the process of painting this one, I had loads of fun with it:

Collab with user "ForgottenArtist", IIRC this one was more of a coloring page where they gave out the file freely for others to color, so this was my version. The forums on RMD were great for that sort of thing, people would literally just upload their drawing files for people to have fun with:

So I guess I drew this next little thing in 2021 when the site was still 'live' but not functional, I completely forgot I did this though LMAO Basically the main URL took you to that kill page I showed above, but if you knew any of the extension slugs, you could bypass that kill page and get into the rest of the site, which I was able to by using my username URL. So I got into the Java drawing tool and made this little thing in the hopes I could upload it. Of course, it didn't work, but hey, it was worth getting a screenshot, I suppose:

It's equal parts nostalgic and bittersweet to go through these drawings. Life back then feels so far away and yet I still remember it so vividly, the hours I'd spend drawing on the family PC, feeling more at home with the friends I made online than the ones I had in real life, listening to music that I still listen to to this day. It's far away now, but it still lives through me, in the work I do today. Even someone like me can go from being a complete noob drawing with a mouse to a professional making their living stabbing ink into other people while still drawing the same stories they drew as a child.

There is one piece I had to dig up outside of FB memories, fortunately it wasn't hard to find because I knew I had shared it ages ago on my FB so the search bar saved my skin. My very first digital art piece, of Sheena Fujibayashi from Tales of Symphonia, one of my favorite games of all time.

My very first digital art drawing:

Recreated in 2019:

Past me went through a lot, and they'd be doomed to go through even more still (they hadn't hit the plague yet). And yet they're going to survive, they're gonna keep getting better and better with each passing year. Thanks past me - you've done a lot of dumb shit in your life, but sticking with your craft wasn't one of them. Thank you for walking - through all the good and the bad that you've had to weather through - so that I could run for us both.

#i have other things i wanna mention about old RMD as well but they're better for another post #self post #old art #media preservation #digital art #ratemydrawings

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ibelieveinghost · 10 months ago

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4/7/24

up-dates!!!

1st off!: got my visa!!! finally!!!!!! actually, i got it on Wednesday but never found the energy to write here haha. oh! i graduated on Friday too and somehow talked the school into refunding the rest of the tuition. so everything went great in the end.

but seriously. i haven't write in so long, and i'll try my best this morning(rainy Sunday vibes yay!) to cover as much as possible. ok moving on---

i've been drawing/sketching on and off, and it sorta feels like a habit. lighthearted efforts and ease, something i rarely experience w/ making art since...since high school.

i've been updating more consistently on my blogs/twitter now. i got some response. some. not as much as one'd wish haha. but honestly, i felt so grateful that people are liking my stuff.

on the other hand, the job hunting has been going... well it has been going! not a ton of jobs being posted out there since early March, and i'm starting to realize that i'm only pretending to be really wanting certain positions. i got so accustomed to idea of working as a researcher/scientist, but. man. wasn't that why i left school in the first place, that i fucking hate it despite pouring ~10 years of my life into it and seemed to be going somewhere. having bright prospects and all. now that i knew. well. i need a little more time to think and un-think, to not rush ahead, and be complete honest w/ myself. getting the visa means i got all the time i want. so again, all worked out in the best way possible.

oh yea! birthday coming up in couple weeks! woo hoo! been planning a little overnight trip somewhere! probably 軽井沢 or 伊豆高原. idk! haven't gone anywhere not Tokyo/Yokohama since early Jan, and traveling alone is totally my thing! actually, growing older is so much cooler than i'd thought when i was in my early 20s. but like. past me: imagining feeling more grounded, taking things less seriously, and being more in tune with urself.

ok! dumping some photos seem like a good way to continue:

(reverse chronological order)

(コメダ I literally come here everyday now lol)

(graduation cert came with a bear! + my lamys... i'm not collecting them! they're super easy to write to write with and i adore the bright neon colors that's it!)

( i went to the 4D special viewing of prisoner of Azkaban and man---it worked so well w/ the 4D format. i mean it is the rainy/icy snowy one of the 8, so a lot of spraying water on your face situations! i was wearing a wide grin the whole time i guess. it was so much fun. that being said, i def shed a few tears near the end when harry realized no one's coming to save the two of em, so he stepped out and did what he didn't even know he's capable of. a scene my younger self never managed to relate to. but it def resonates now.

i love this movie so much, probably my fav out of all of them. watched it at the theater w/ dad when i was probably in...middle school or younger?)

(awww)

(the day i got my visa)

(date w/ S!)

(dinner later that night, w/ the gang)

(us, acting a little stupidly ha + interesting cards i took from the bar)

(last Sunday)

(the komeda near ogikubo station, it went all orange that day + cute lil book i might come back and buy later)

(the night i last hang out w/ A)

damn we're reaching the 30 photo/post limit

so guess that's that! i'm coming back to wrap up this epic photo dump soon(later today)

it felt so nice to just recounting my life, sharing all the bits and pieces on one had ever asked for. to me, it's a cute and ultimately therapeutic thing to do. my future self must be thanking me for taking the time to record everything haha.

anyway! see ya soon!

#日记 #diary

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mydyspraxiablog · 1 year ago

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As Dyspraxia it very hard because Stafford Town can be very selfshire at times.

Today went dancing 💃 in Prue gym in Stafford and Then going New Northfield centre art and It crouse I want enrolled Care on Monday to Lower Drayton farm but trying feeling in form but won't send to Care and Nattion insurance number but have no mobie phone so once again thanks scarm back to square one asking mum to get PIP letter and bring new Northfield centre but too busy help spet father in the garden help me knew spet family come first before first born.

It embarrassed asking people ring mum up because havn't got mobie phone but today got own back and do again.

Sick of ask mum for money and havn't got mobie phone so went shop because lemon juice run out smell brun so wait turn of oven off because got fear of oven blow up on me I don't cooking anymore even going on holiday to Turkey all can eat fruit and salad be Gluten free is no fun.

So mum just me if going turn oven off tell me you stupid child but if have mobie phone would be able tell her but havn't only got stupid monkey phone from Tesco won't use that know she change mind stuck with no mobie phone so when do Lower Drayton farm no way get in connection with me because this what scarm done.

I want get somethings for my sponderchild it my sponderchild birthday coming soon with Compassionuk and want send letter to Ethiopia but done in draft but always busy with something and tell off wait for Thursday of month but going holiday to Turkey 🇹🇷 again and want be send before going if have mobie phone I would be able get download compassion uk do letter and birthday card by post it take too long and don't want my sponderchild going without letters and her friends got them I having difficulty writing letter but always send them with paper gift inside.

Now other promble do send Dyspraxia membership form £25 to Dyspraxia foundation but mum won't let post won't give money buy stamp so be another row tomorrow Usly when rowing like this I would gone in the snug and look after Sydnee and Annabel but dead now and havn't be able come back to garden just see mum furtine in the snug and Cat shed upset 😡 and spend most day in my bedroom most day because noughting do Staffford anymore. I havn't got money thanks to scarms ruin my life it all going to mum as Adult kid got ask for pocket money. " I need paid rent"

Natwest isn't help not helpful bank at movements havn't got Mastercard any more so don't know how going Play EA plus games next year might have give them bank number do Dricit debit but really don't want do that. Amazon UK is mum Natwest card now with my account not happy person at movements wish moving out to Esscellshaw so can be with more cats all want be with more cats.

Natwest is been azzhold won't let do anymore stand order theath frozen my and mum account.

Then how can give birthday gift to sponsor child if stupid Natwest bank frozen account that Prue Gym and Compassion Uk and Staffordshire wildlife not paid and let them down as member and I don't want do that.

Really should phone up compassion uk help write letter from my draft letter to paper give me but even devil is stop with Natwest bank stop money going compassion uk 🇬🇧 I would write cheque and post 📫 if become that way but take long might receive the birthdays gift later and I don't want that.

Know life isn't fair at movements but got fear control me movements and two voices in my head.

I bit scare going shopping now because havn't any money 💰 and worry if miss the Taxi because stuck on bus going another way there no way connects both Taxi and Lower Drayton farm.

Don't get me wrong love Stafford Town going Victoria Park even if can't going coffee in new cafe but isn't Gluten free food so can't going in some eles missing out.

I know what like not have birthday cake when going family doing all birthday cakes but not Gluten free food have eat Gluten free sweet under table so Newphew and Nieces don't see them even on my birthday get birthday cake but can't eat because wheat have cut all birthday cake give to the family going without no fun living with mum and can't going anywhere because she got my money noughting can do about it because she got fall control off it.

#dyspraxia #sunflowers hidding disabilities #coelic #gluten free #dancing #god #compassionuk

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laurencodyblog · 1 year ago

Text

Re-posted from 11/12/11

Fingerprints

I have no fingerprints left.

It all started a few weeks back on a Saturday when Alex and I went to hang out with his Papaw at an empty house he was working on by the lake. So Big Al and I went exploring in the back yard. That's where he made the discovery. Inside an old abandoned shed were lots of fishing poles and tackle, old rusted tools and empty gas cans. Over in a dark corner, Alex spotted something shiny sticking out of an old 5-gallon paint bucket.

His eyes got big as he went in for a closer look. I of course (being the watchful grandmother that I am) , gave the standard cautionary warnings of bugs, snakes and cobwebs. Alex wasn't even the slightest bit phased. The next thing I knew, he was pulling and tugging with all his might – the bucket out into the sunlight and dumped its contents on the ground for our inspection.

It was filled to overflowing of old, rusted out and tarnished pieces of brass and copper – that had no doubt spent the last many years tucked away in this dank, leaky shed. He and I took off on imaginary tales of how and who had collected these 'valuable treasures' (his words, certainly not mine). We were convinced that we had accidentally stumbled upon a pirates booty – or the remnants of a robber's art gallery heist – for sure. We had so much fun inventing possible scenarios and likely plots that the time got away from us. Before long, Papaw had finished his work and was ready to go. The truck was loaded and as Alex raced to re-pack his treasures and drag them to the truck, I knew he would have to convince Papaw that they were worth the effort to try and make room. I worried that all his begging and pleading would probably do no good because the truck was packed.

But as he presented his closing arguments to a hot and tired grandfather – we both saw the gleam in his eyes as he explained that he has always wanted to find something just like this. These were valuable and could be cleaned and polished up and be worth a lot of money. (So far, we weren't convinced). Then he explained holding up a bent copper fondue pot – “I've always wanted to give something like this to my mom. Something I got on my own – that no one else bought for me to give her. She collects copper, and I know she would just love this!”

He was right. She would love this. She would love that he would bravely search a dark spider-filled shed on the slight possibility that he could find something nice for her. And she would love that when he did find 'treasure' his very first thought was how much his mother would enjoy it. She would love and cherish that pot to her last breath...

So fast forward a few weeks to a copper / brass cleaning and polishing Saturday appointment with Alex and Nonna. Of course, I couldn't let him do it, because of the chemicals – so I agreed to do my best. About 6 hours later – a back aching, nails ruined – fingerprints missing Nonna presented a shiny, copper fondue pot. It is still bent, and of course still has some bad spots on it, but when he sees it, his eyes light up and a snaggle toothed grin explodes across his face.

“I knew it would be beautiful!” He says, looking it over.

“All my life, I've wanted to give her something like this.....”

Well, now he finally gets to.

I'm still a little nauseous and completely exhausted. I'm not sure my fingers will recover – and I'm entirely sure my fingernails won't. My whole Saturday is gone, my back hurts and I had so many other things that needed tending to today...

But nothing quite as important as looking at his beaming face and hearing the excitement in his voice when he told me he's found a treasure he's been looking for all his life.

Now that's ironic.

Because I've spent the last half hour telling you about the treasure I've been looking for all my life.

He has blue eyes and a snaggle toothed grin.

Lauren Cody

11/12/11

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dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

Text

7/16/23

Guess who caught up on sleep? I'll give you a hint. It was me. I did.

I mean... kinda. It's likely gonna take me a few days to fully recover from the insomnia shitstorm that has been this week. But jamming some whittled shims into my upstairs neighbors' floorboards actually seemed to make a substantial difference. The sound is not gone, but majorly lessened. Instead of a series of cracks and pops, it's just one muted creak.

I didn't get to sleep until about 4:30... dawn was just starting to break. And I took my tincture, it's a pretty low-dose CBD/THC tincture by today's "go to the moon or don't fucking smoke" standards, and I took the smallest recommended dose possible because my tolerance is 100% gone by now... But I do credit that for helping too. I woke up, no surprise, to thump thump thump... but not the creak. And, yes surprise, it was past 10AM. I had trouble believing it. I put in my headphones, because... in a moment of clarity... I remembered that the only sound that got through the headphones was the creak, not the thumps. So... right back to sleep, after tossing and turning for a good 25 minutes... but I got there. And I got another couple hours of sleep. It worked out pretty well.

Today... I've just been on full recovery, honestly. I'm still out of it. I'm still kinda stalled out. So much that it was actually a nice day and... I didn't go skating. I didn't go for a walk at that farm nearby. I didn't go for a walk in town even. I just struggled to time it right, and by the time I got out of the shower, it was 8:30 and it was too dark. Another problem with sleep deprivation... your sense of time gets all fucked... so you can just be spacing out or zoning in on something and then suddenly 2 hours have gone by. Well, at least with me that happens.

So yeah... I decided to not beat myself up over that. I did prototypes for my grip tape art, quick sketches in my sketchbook so that I have something for visual reference. And I gathered reference photos, that was fun. And towards the end of the night, I had a (I hope) smart idea to use my old broken compass point to carve guide lines into the grip tape of my trick board instead of relying on the colored pencil. I'm just going to improvise the mandala, why the fuck not. And then I'll add the bird heads after.

I made a nice dinner tonight. I batch-cooked fried rice and it came out really good. I'm not used to doing that. I usually cook a whole big batch of fried rice and just eat it all. This time, I cooked 4 servings and just took one serving from it and had some soup too. It was a bit more cook time... which ate up a big chunk of my night and I couldn't paint because of it. But I have food prepped for later this week too, which is good.

So yeah, that's... that. Low key day. And... tomorrow is supposed to be all thunderstorms. So... fuck. So much for exercise tomorrow. Going on a week of no exercise now. -_- Welp, as long as I can keep the sleep consistent (fingers crossed) I can get the exercise plan started again.

I've been struggling a bit with career stuff. Just... self-esteem-wise. Direction-in-life-wise. I think it's because of the instagram post. I sometimes feel like it just does more damage than good. But yeah, I've been staving off that demon for most of the day. Which sucks because I have so many cool projects on my plate right now - too many, honestly - and yet... when that demon enters the room... they all look pointless. They all look stupid, or unoriginal, or above my ability level and "I'm just gonna fuck it up, I have to be super careful". You know... anxiety. Some days it's easy to just laugh at it and move on. Some days it sounds super fucking convincing. "yeah... I should just avoid painting a realistic bird... despite over 10 years of experience... because I might fuck it up and it might not look exactly like the reference photo that no one will ever even see... and even if I do fuck it up, I could just... fix it... but no... I should just not even start painting it." It's hard for me to believe now, after the fact, that it even sounds convincing. It sounds silly. But in the moment? When it's your voice saying that shit? Yeah, it's a tough one, man.

What's been helping me a lot is doing this abstract work. In fact, most of my creative expressions have taken this avenue as a way of bypassing anxiety and insecurity... and getting the creative juices flowing. The Zen/Jazz approach. There is no wrong. This is just a document of what occurred, there is no "right" or "wrong". And this idea is one that I have employed in writing, in music improvisation, in drawing, in painting. I really need to reconnect regularly with it. And I really think I have found out how. Through Zen.

I want to study more. All that I know about these practices has been pretty much self-taught through exploration. But I stumbled across some stuff in passing that I want to research, practice and share. Specifically, let's refer to the ensō, which is a common symbol associated with Zen. It's a circle painted in ink with a brush in one stroke. The intention is to represent - god, this is actually hard to put into words - it's like a fingerprint, I guess. I just thought of it similar to the language from the movie Arrival, but... not as complex, I guess? It's a display of imperfection, a unique one-of-a-kind imprint of the artist's pure expression for a short snapshot of time.

A lot of my... presented art... has been the complete opposite of that. It has been comprised of meticulously drawn and blended pieces. Recreating reference down the the feather or pore, like a photocopier. Or doing my best to work and blend colors into a smooth mush. And now? Now I'm drawing bubbles in ink on paper. No sketch. No "correct shapes". Organic. Every shape different and unique, with its own personality. And that style of work set me free. Mental-health-wise, that is.

I still make my realism art. I have plans to do several pieces. But like... where my art was originally born was doodling in pen in the margins of my notebooks in school. In pen. And drawing on my arms and legs and pants in pen. No sketches, no prototypes, no re-do's. I would draw half-sleeves on my left arm regularly, and just wash them off at the end of the day. Wonder why I got into tattooing? XD

I guess I'm kinda telling this because... I dug up my old black jeans today. I haven't worn them in a while. They have faded patchy color spots where I used to have a Mr. Mime drawn in full color on the pant leg. I used DecoPens and it came out in the wash, unfortunately. But I guess it really reminded me that I used to just grab a pen and just go nuts for fucking hours, and just fill that entire pant leg with a patchwork of drawings and zentangles and designs and quotes and shit. No one else was doing shit like that around me, and I didn't even notice. I was just compelled to do it. And I genuinely didn't care if it was "good". I just... made it. Because that's what I do. That's what I was compelled to do. Why does a dog chase a tennis ball? It just does, it's just what dog do. And what I do is draw stuff on things. Apparently.

So... right now... those black jeans are sitting on the floor next to my skateboard... which has guidelines carved into it. And it's really making me... --- it's putting me in a strange dilemma. Do I embrace the freestyle spirit from my past? And just... start painting and see what happens? Do I use reference? How true to reference do I stay?

I can feel the two worlds of my artistic self colliding and trying very hard to... fuse. To just pick up the permanent inks and just start drawing on my clothing. But yet... to sketch, and make sure my proportions are right, and maaaaybe take a few steps before-hand... hmm... maybe sketch first... ooo or I can do the whole piece on paper first and then do it in ink and then put the sketch under the pants and put all of it on my light table and... See? So... I start with "I should just pick up the pen and embrace the imperfections", and then I end up with "I should carefully precisely draw this 3 times - in pencil, in pen and then inked on the clothing". And those are like... polar opposite practices! So... where do I go with that?

My answer today? Because I was ping-ponging on that all night... My answer was to do very basic guidelines for the skateboard. Just 16 symmetry lines and 6 rings radiating from the middle at random intervals. The rest of the piece - at least the mandala section - I'm just going to improvise. That's my compromise between just grabbing the paint and winging it... and doing prototypes and sketches and shit.

I really do miss the days when I would just slap paint on something. But now... I get this silly idea that like... when you've been doing something this long... and you call yourself a professional... You better be on your shit 24/7. And that's bullshit. Sorry. It is. That whole "every piece has to be better than your last or else it's not worth making" myth, that's bullshit.

I guess it's just the permanence of this stuff that gets me. If I fuck up the shorts? It's one of 3 pairs of shorts I own... XD I love those shorts, I don't want to "ruin" them. I never used to say shit like this. I never felt that way about my black jeans. Ever. I'd just start drawing on them without even thinking. "Ruining" never even popped into my head. What a nasty thought-infection!

So yeah. I guess the biggest thing I want to get out of my head... is this stupid idea of "good" and "bad". Either I'm willing to embrace the piece for what it is, and what it has become... as a product of my creative process, at a specific time, with specific efforts. Or I'm not willing to accept it. For whatever reason.

Let me use an example of where I'm a little on the fence right now. That red-beaded necklace? My first preparation of ink-stained beads finished with tung oil. I had it sitting in a sealed bag with a piece of cinnamon to add a multisensory experience to it. (it didn't work) It's been chilling while I work on the newer beads for... close to a week now. I took it out to wear it yesterday. The beads... have a kinda satin finish to them. I was not expecting it at all. When I put them in the bag, they had a bit of a gloss to them. I guess that was residual oil. This was after 6 coats of oil separated 6 hours apart each, as instructed by multiple sources including the bottle itself. Well... I decided to look up tung oil finishes today and apparently... Apparently they take up to 3 days to dry each coat. And the phrasing on all the bottles and shit is completely wrong. So... what I've been doing is just... taking the same coat and just re-saturating it every 6 hours. So... cumulative, this finished piece has 1... maybe two coats of oil on it. And it's already strung and finished. Do I call that a finished piece? The beads are pretty water-resistant. The color does look nice. They are decently polished, but again... have a satin finish, not a gloss. Do I strip the beads off and add more coats to them until they get the glossy sheen I really want? Will tung oil actually give them that sheen? (I've read that it's possible it will not.) Do I try to polish the beads with a finishing coat of wax? Or do I leave it as-is?

This is an example of... if someone came up and saw this piece, they would have zero knowledge of what I was attempting with this piece. They would have no idea that I intended for the beads to be glossy. Or that I still technically could try to get that look, but I'd have to dismantle the piece in order to do it. Maybe they would like the look of something less flashy and more subdued even more than glossy. So... it calls out that "good" or "bad" dichotomy, which does. not. exist. It's entirely subjective. What I find appealing, you may not enjoy. What a friend likes on Instagram might be uninteresting for a paying consumer. And I'm trying so hard every damn day to keep my head in the mentality of... "what does this piece want?" Not "what do I want" or "what does a potential buyer want?" In the business world, they call this "bad business". Of course you want to find out what is trending and what's popular and what's going to guarantee the sale. DUH. That's how all that shit works. But when it comes to creative expression... "pure" creative expression... these pieces simply share space with trends. Trends are always going to leak in through proximity, through cultural influence and shit. But the shift that truly makes pieces special... is when the piece takes on a life of its own. When the only thing that matters is figuring out what the piece is asking for, and how to get it there.

That's clearly not the only form or art or craft. But it's the kind that I chase, that I am constantly pursuing and craving. When you just put a pen to paper and the piece just starts drawing itself. When you pick up a guitar and the song just starts calling your fingers to the next note. It requires so much immersion, so much faith. Trust in the process. And I love it. It has been the fuel in my confidence-battle against my severe anxiety disorder since I was very young, and I often forget how crucially important those leaps of faith are for my everyday functioning - especially socially.

So... I can feel when I'm not practicing this enough. And I can feel when I'm slipping into "well, I'll just play it safe", "I don't want to 'ruin' it..." And today, I went there. So, after cooking dinner, I made an effort deliberately to fill a container with water for my paintbrushes... and get a paper towel. And just put them on the floor next to the skateboard. Then all I need to do is just go over there tomorrow and just start working. Just... paint to canvas, let it go and see where it ends up.

You know what I need? What my brother, who is also crippled by anxiety but is a very talented musician, needs to do? Make a "bad song". What every struggling artist needs? Make a "bad piece". Get it fucking over with. And you'll see that it's never as "bad" as you think it is. And there's always a person out there who likes it.

So, make "bad" art. Make hasty art. Make impulsive art. Make messy sloppy art. But for the love of god, don't make dishonest art. You'll deprive your work of the one thing that makes art... art. Soul. You. The artist. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself, but I really don't think we need more examples of soulless art in the world. People are literally programming robots to do that. We're all set, thank you.

Maybe I'm just talking to myself, maybe the world, I don't know. But like... soulful art is really important. It reminds us of what life's all about. And it resonates with people... reminding them of their humanity, too. And it becomes this kind of conversation. Maybe not a literal conversation (sometimes, but rarely), but as my eccentric sculpture teacher used to say... "art is anything put on a wall that asks the question 'consider this...'" And... as viewers, we respond. So... rather than try to mindread what's going to be a hot-selling topic, or what's trending... or whatever? Why not say what your heart has to say? It may be bad business, or bad marketing... but it's art.

Easy to preach, hard to practice. Good luck being a professional artist when you have no social connections and can't get noticed on the internet because you don't give a fuck about trends... on platforms that are literally designed from the bones up to exclusively support the popular getting more popular. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let that stop me.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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eregyrn-falls · 2 years ago

Note

Just want to be pedantic for a moment (it's my greatest strength): cars in the 60s did have seatbelts. They were just usually lap-belts only. Where the Stanleymobile *might* be anachronistic is in showing *shoulder belts* to go along with seatbelts. If, that is, we assume (as I do!) that the model for the Stanleymobile is the 1965-69 Cadillac Sedan DeVille:

(I'm using a Coupe DeVille image rather than a Sedan DeVille, for the white top. I haven't yet found a Sedan DeVille image that's red with the white top.)

Obviously, it's not a 100% match, but the intent seems to be there. (Including the show's pun on "DeVille" (devil) by calling Stan's car mode the "El Diablo".)

One small issue with pinning down the year is the headlight configuration. The above is supposed to be "official art" and clearly claims it's for 1969... but there are a lot of Coupe DeVilles out there that also say they are from 1969 that have the new-style headlight configuration:

Side by side, rather than vertical, as in Stan's car.

ANYWAY.

It's a little frustrating finding examples, because the thing is, for the lap-belt-only days, it was really easy to tuck the seatbelts into the gap between the back and seat cushion. (In those days, rear seatbelts at least weren't like the style today, where you clip one end into a hard plastic socket. It was just two floppy belts, one with a clip and one that you stuck that end into. Here's one of the clearest examples I can find:

So you could easily hide the entire thing, and a lot of people seem to have done that to present a cleaner, more streamlined photo of classic car interiors, rather than have the messy seatbelts showing.

But here are some examples of the interior of a 1969 DeVille, showing the evidence of front and rear seatbelts:

(oh my god LOOK at that interior fabric!!!)

Now here's something additionally interesting, which I didn't know until doing a little fact-checking just now: The federal law mandating both lap and shoulder belts was passed in 1968, at least in new cars. (Old cars with only lap belts were still on the road and still perfectly road-legal. My entire childhood, through the 70s, we drove a lot in my grandmother's 1962 Buick LeSabre, and it only had lap belts.)

But, perusing photos of the interior of 1970 model DeVilles doesn't show the addition of shoulder belts yet. Even when I can find shoulder belts appearing in models in the 70s, I can't find evidence that the rear seats had shoulder belts.

Above: 1975.

Above, 1977. (Absolutely had to share this groovy orange crushed velvet interior!)

One other thing I note, although it's not absolutely consistent: notice how in these mid-70s models, the bench seat is gone from the front. (I'm not sure when exactly this happens or if it's even consistent in all models; or when it disappears entirely.)

Above, from a 1976 model, this shows about as well as anything I can find that the mounts are there for the front shoulder belts, but there's no corresponding mounts for the rear seats. (That bump along the top of the rear window isn't big enough to be one, and of course, we also don't see a belt attached to it.)

It's a little hard to figure out, also, because there's a lot of posts online to sell you shoulder belt kits for your classic car. So some classic cars for sale will have after-market shoulder belts added.

IN CONCLUSION:

If the Stanleymobile is based on the '65-'69 Sedan DeVille, it would definitely have had lap belts. But I feel certain that it would not have had factory-installed shoulder bets. That only happens in later DeVille models, by which point the headlights are in the wrong configuration for that to be the era of Stan's car.

I mean, we all know that the reason there are shoulder belts is because Disney mandated that seatbelts be visible whenever characters are in a moving vehicle (including the golf cart). I'm sure the mandate included the diagonal shoulder belts, as that would be the most visible thing in all shots.

But it's entertaining to imagine Stan installing a shoulder-belt kit to the car, grumbling all the way!

The thing I'll say about the Stanleymobile still being road-worthy in the 2010s is that there are 60s DeVille models still for sale out there that you can buy and drive. I think what makes the Stanleymobile a miracle survivor is the way Stan drives it -- he doesn't exactly baby that thing! I will tell you from experience, however, that the gas mileage on those old cars is laughable. I co-owned a 1978 Chrysler New Yorker -- same general size -- in the early 90s, and that thing got 6 miles to the gallon; 8 highway. I don't thing the similar Cadillacs were any better.

I always liked headcanoning the idea that Stan is actually a pretty good, seat-of-his-pants mechanic, and the Stanleymobile still being roadworthy is a lot of the basis of that headcanon. (His work on the Portal is another part of it.) Stan is good at building stuff -- just look at all the taxidermy exhibits he's created, too.

In some alternate universe in which Stan wasn't completely neglected as a kid and a teen, and in which his hands-on and mechanical talents were recognized, I could see him becoming a mechanic for real. (Or, if you still want that con-man element, running a chop-shop and souping up hot-rods for the illegal street racing circuit?)

Thanks for indulging my car talk.

most unrealistic thing about the Stanleymobile isn’t actually that its survived as long as it has but that Stan installed seatbelts in it

No seriously though. I can just imagine Stan’s reaction when the seatbelt law was passed: “aww, c’mon, what is this shit?”

#gravity falls #stanley pines #meta #the stanleymobile

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yan-senna · 2 years ago

Text

Dessert (Severus Snape)

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Navigation

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Introduction:

It’s Severus Snape’s birthday, and his girlfriend promises him an extra present later. He chooses to have dessert… But even that he can’t have in peace.

Happy birthday to our favourite Potions Master!🥳🎂🎁

This is a request from an anon. Thank you for your request!

I hope you enjoy!

Published: 1/9/2023

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Word count: 1.1k

Warning: SMUT (18+ - minors DNI!)

Today is Monday, but not just any ordinary Monday. It’s the ninth of January - Severus Snape’s birthday. He used to not think much of this day, but ever since meeting Y/N Y/L/N during his student days at Hogwarts, things changed. They became friends in their first year and started dating in their fifth. Ever since then, they have been together. And he couldn’t ask for more.

When Severus became the youngest teacher at Hogwarts, Y/N decided to show him some support and applied for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. Headmaster Dumbledore granted it so the two lovebirds could be together every day.

Severus hates his job, but it’s definitely more tolerable with Y/N by his side. If she didn’t work here as well, he would have gone crazy a long time ago. The dunderhead students truly make his life a living hell… Only Y/N is there to restore his sanity after a long day of teaching these imbeciles.

Right now, Severus barely wants to get out of bed. However, a knock on the door forces him to do so. He grumbles to himself before reluctantly leaving the comfortable warm bed and walks towards the door. When he forces the door open, he’s looking into his girlfriend’s beautiful eyes.

“Y/N… How glad I am that it’s you and not some dunderhead” he mutters.

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Continue reading on AO3 or Wattpad

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Author’s note:

If you liked this, you might also like Snape’s Birthday (TKOTD: Severus Snape x Muggle! reader)!

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Follow @yan-senna-taglist and put on notifications in order to get to know when I post a new fanfic!

#severus snape #snape #severus snape x reader #snape x reader #pro snape #snapedom #snape fandom #snape community #snape fanfic #snape fanfiction #snape fic #snape’s birthday

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pixies-and-poets · 2 years ago

Text

Of Verses and Curses: Chapter Four

Woo! Gonna post this as a reward for successfully taking care of my health today :3 Author’s notes:

Days are just drops in the river to be lost always.

This is another light-hearted chapter, nothing to really warn about or explain. It’s also my favorite so far! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter One

Chapter Two Chapter Three

Chapter Four - Lies of Omission

T. S. Woodrow sat in the lobby of the Portly Pumpkin, on a little sofa by the window. It had only been a couple minutes since the Phantom had gone off to his room to refresh himself for their little tour, but already a maddening impatience had settled into the warden’s very bones, setting his fur on end.

He was not normally an impatient man, nor ever a bored one. Far from it. Because in every moment of silence, of solitude, of quiet, words flowed through his brain, pouring forth endlessly like the rain from his very own cloud companion. Speaking of which- he looked out the window to where she was waiting for him, and gave a little wave. Jinx thundered dully, apparently as restless as he was.

Today, the words could NOT come in. He would not allow them. He had shut the door from his deepest imagination to his conscious awareness, and barred and locked the gate. He wasn’t sure that merely thinking of a poem was enough to cause ill - it usually took reading it aloud, giving it voice, finalizing it - but he wasn’t willing to take any chances. Besides, nothing was more agony than to have a piece of art completed, and to be unable to present it, to share it. It was best not to start at all.

Five minutes had passed, and Woodrow found himself staring at the grandfather clock in the corner, watching its pendulum swing, tapping one of his hindpaws on the ground to the rhythm of the ticks.

Words kept threatening to creep in like a draft under the bottom of the locked door in his brain. Rhymes and metaphors blooming like flowers - a phrase here, which he plucked like a weed; an apt descriptor there which he stamped out like the embers of a flame. And how could it NOT be the case? The moment he had seen him, a thousand words had blossomed in his heart, and the moment he had met his eyes, a million more, and when he said his name, a truly infinite amount, spiraling off into endless fractals. He could keep those poems out of his brain, but not out of his soul. And how was that going to work out for him? Surely he would burst, sooner or later….

Woodrow had drifted off into reverie a bit, and looked back at the clock, hoping the fifteen minutes was almost up. But only seven minutes had passed, now! He glanced around the room - at the bored old innkeeper reading a book behind her desk, not paying him any mind - at the framed and signed photo of Rabbid Peach on the wall, who had stayed there just recently and cemented the B&B’s five-star online rating, at the numerous decorative gourds lining the countertops and the mantelpiece…

He got up and walked over to the check-in counter. The innkeeper slowly put down her book and looked up at him. “Yessir?”

“Sorry to be a bother, but- would you happen to have some reading material? A brochure of the local attractions, say?”

“Mr. Woodrow, you’re the warden here. Ain’cha know everything that’s anything on this planet already?”

“Well, yes, but- I simply haven’t seen such a brochure in some time, and I’d like to know how we’re advertising ourselves, these days.”

The Rabbid opened a drawer behind her desk, rifled around in it for a moment, and pulled out a small pamphlet. “Here ya go, sir.”

“Thank thee kindly,” he said, taking it and shuffling back to the couch, where he sat down again and began to read through the booklet. Finally, the sweet relief of words to fill his brain, that weren’t his own. Even if they WERE rather clumsily written… and some of the information was out of date… he might have to see about having this revised, after all…

“Monsieur?”

Before Woodrow knew it, the voice he was expecting interrupted his perusal. Such a voice- still so rich and resonant… from merely speaking, you could never tell it was supposedly so damaged. The warden’s ears and eyes perked up, and he closed the brochure and tucked it into his coat. “Hello again, Sir Phantom!” he said, rising to greet the singer. The ghost didn’t look too different from before, but he did seem somehow refreshed, and he smelled subtly of some fine cologne. Woodrow also noted that he had a small black umbrella of his own hooked around his arm.

“Is there anything in particular you’d like to see, my honored guest?” asked Woodrow as they stepped outside. He flipped open his own umbrella immediately as his cloud zoomed into place above his head, although she was not raining at the moment.

“Whatever YOU find interesting,” said the Phantom in response. “You must know what is most scenic and delightful to the senses around here, for you have a poet’s view of things, do you not?”

“Oh!” said the warden, as he felt heat rise to his face. “I… suppose you could say that.” He smiled slightly as they walked down the main thoroughfare of Paletteville. The villagers looked up from their business as they passed. “You did say you were familiar with my work…” he began, cautiously. “How familiar?”

“I have read a bit,” said the Phantom, “but not enough! I should like to study your poems more thoroughly-”

“Oh, it’s quite alright,” said Woodrow, split between disappointment and relief. Phantom wasn’t THAT big of a fan, then… but that was great, actually! That meant he would probably not care whether Woodrow wrote anything new during his visit. “You must be quite busy. You are a poet yourself, after all! You write some of your own operas, your own lyrics?”

“Indeed. But I find it is hard to summon the inspiration these days, knowing that I cannot sing what I write.” He sighed heavily, and Woodrow frowned as well. It was clearly a sore subject, so he instead gestured towards some of the local buildings and began to describe them - their historical significance, when they were built, if they had taken any damage in the recent Cursa incident and what steps had been taken to repair them, and so on. As he talked about the village and the planet which was his ward, his pride and joy, Woodrow felt confidence come to him; his words came out more smoothly and steadily than they had henceforth, and he began to finally master his own nerves from being in such a majestic presence.

Finally they reached the outskirts of town, and began to walk along the riverbank. Their talk turned to nature; Woodrow taught his guest of the plants and animals they encountered, their names, their behaviors, and many little quirks which he had learned himself by observation.

"You are very knowledgeable about these things," said Phantom, and his guide gave a small, bashful smile.

"Well, 'tis a warden's duty to know their planet. Not just the Rabbids who live there, but all creatures great and small, and the land itself." Also, thought Woodrow, these birds and squirrels are my main audience these days… but the Phantom didn't need to know that. "Besides… I have lived here all my life. Rarely have I left, in fact."

"Many people live their whole life in a place and don’t know it as well as you do," said the singer with a shrug. "Might I ask- oh! Mes étoiles… C’est quoi?!"

The two had rounded a bend, and before them a ways in the distance was the yellow form of the planet’s moon, where it now resided earthbound. Woodrow's heart shot into his throat and his ears pressed themselves backwards.

"That is not a moon, surely?! Does Palette Prime's rest on the ground during the day?"

"Ah- that is the- that is our moon, yes," Woodrow stammered. "But it rises no more. It crashed to the ground, you see, ah, some years ago. And here it remains. The- the local wildlife nibble away at it… and someday we believe there will be nothing left."

"Quelle horreur… How does such a thing even happen?!"

Woodrow was silent for a moment, gripping his umbrella tightly with both paws. "It is simply one of those things," he finally said, cryptically. "It is a peaceful, lovely planet we have. I suppose the price we pay is that sometimes misfortune strikes."

"What a shame," said Phantom with a shake of his head. "I should have liked to wander your streets and trails under the moonlight. I am rather fond of the moonlight, you know - I was born in it."

"I… it is still a moon,” said Woodrow, suddenly terrified by the disappointment in his companion’s voice. “I can take you to it…"

"Ah, worry not, my good man! I did not mean a slight against your fine planet, least of all for a strange disaster that no one could have helped or foreseen. Perhaps one night I shall visit your moon. In fact, its predicament may be a blessing! It shall be lovely to touch it, to lay upon it."

Woodrow imagined the Phantom's large ghostly form, semi translucent in the starlight, with one arm thrown back over his forehead and the other hanging down over the side with his trademark handkerchief, as he lay gently cradled in the crescent of the moon. The very moon he had once brought down with his own doomed love. Something about the image was so striking that he bit his lip.

"You said that the animals eat it?" Phantom's voice knocked Woodrow out of his mental image.

"Yes…"

"...How does it taste? Is it made of cheese?"

"Oh!" said the Warden, with a startled little laugh. "I, I don't know, I- I've never tried it. …Some people have, though, and I've heard it tastes like baked cheddar, yes."

"Perhaps we shall have us both a nibble, when you take me there."

Woodrow grinned an absolutely foolish grin at the thought, unable to tell if his guest was serious or not- but the ghost was smiling, and soon they were both laughing.

Having crossed the river by a low downstream bridge, they began to make their way back up the opposite side of the riverbank. Their talk turned once more to nature, and a bit of the history of the planet, some of its founding Rabbids, and so forth. Despite the slow pace at which Woodrow's walking speed kept them, it felt like no time at all before they were already nearing the Sweetie Pie Honey Snookums Bridge and approaching the village; luckily so absorbed in conversation that Woodrow didn't even have to explain that it was called the Sweetie Pie Honey Snookums Bridge.

In the distance, visible from the bridge, was the lonely house covered by a perpetual cloud, which Woodrow prayed to the stars his guest would not notice, nor put two and two together with his own constant companion.

Indeed the Phantom seemed not to notice, or perhaps he just was polite enough not to comment. But what he did notice, was something very hard NOT to notice…

"Oh! Mon ami, you have cruise ships docking here?" He was looking out at the very large space-liner resting in the distance. "Although… she seems a bit rusty and disused, to my eye, this one."

"Ahhh," said Woodrow, who had known he would have to explain this sooner or later. "Alas, 'tis not active. That ship has been here a while. She fell out of the sky."

"Like the moon!!" said the Phantom in astonishment. "My word. Is there something amiss with the gravity on this planet?!"

"You could say that!" said Woodrow, feeling warm and hoping a blush wasn't visible. "I suppose it is like I said earlier. The universe must have its balance. Palette Prime would be the loveliest planet in the galaxy, and simply the luckiest, so we must pay for it with the odd disaster now and then. In fact…” said the warden, as something very important occurred to him, “you are most fortunate that I was here to explain all this to you. The people of this planet do not like to talk about such things.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes! Perhaps it is that we are a superstitious lot, here in the woods. To talk of misfortune might invite more. But really, it is that the people simply do not want to acknowledge or remember when the moon fell, or the Great Tree Blight, or the alien invasion, or the doomstorm, or-”

“The what?!” exclaimed Phantom. “And the… the WHAT?!”

“It was the doomstorm that brought this ship down, and interfered with its engines such that it can no longer run,” the warden said, waving his arm towards the vessel as the two stood on the bridge. “But, again- it is a painful memory for the people of this land. I urge you not to bring it up, or to ask about any such catastrophe. The folk of the planet are quite sensitive to these tragedies, you see. You had best not speak of them.” His cloud let loose a low grumble of thunder and a splatter of rain onto his umbrella, as if to say, you cheeky little liar.

“A doomstorm,” muttered the Phantom with a shake of his head, as they continued onward into the village. “I never would have guessed. I only hope no one was harmed in this crash…”

“Not permanently,” said Woodrow quietly. “Well, not… not harmed, per se. Changed, perhaps.”

“Well, I won’t press the matter. To you, and especially not to anyone else.”

“Most kind of you,” said the warden in gratitude and relief, and soon they were once again on the veranda of the Portly Pumpkin.

“I do hope you enjoyed your tour,” said Woodrow.

“Quite thoroughly,” said the other, with a smile.

The two stood there for a moment, the only noise the chatter of villagers in the distance, the wind in the nearby trees, and the light patter of rain onto Woodrow's umbrella. “Well then, I shall take my leave,” said the warden. “I shall come to your album signing tomorrow, but until then, if you need anything-”

“Actually,” the singer interrupted, “I was hoping you might join me for dinner today. I don’t know any of your local eateries, but the food served in this very establishment is supposed to be quite exceptional, no? But more to the point- I do not yet know anyone else here well enough to dine with, and I should hate to eat alone.”

Woodrow’s ears perked straight up. “Dinner!” he said in astonishment. “O-of course! If you wish…”

“I very much do! So, you will meet me here at six o’clock? It will be my treat.”

“Oh, you certainly don’t have to pay for-”

“But I insist,” said Phantom. “You have been so hospitable thus far, I should like to return the favor. So, will I see you then?”

The warden nodded, and gave another little bow. “Of course, Mr. Phantom. Farewell until the evening.”

As Phantom turned and entered the inn, Woodrow stared after him for a moment. Dinner… was this… did this count as a date? Was it intended as such? Is this… is this the kind of luck he could be having, if he did not write poems? Could he have been having this luck all his LIFE?

No, no, he couldn’t think like that. No point in it, and it was far too distressing to confront. Determined to enjoy his good fortune, he scuttled off towards his errands.

Back in his room, Phantom smiled as he unhooked the umbrella from around his arm, and put it into the stand near the door. He had forgotten he was carrying it, since he hadn’t needed it at all. Indeed, just as the warden had said, the cloud had stayed focused on her old companion.

And why shouldn’t she do so? The thought ran through the Phantom’s mind. Were you yourself not focused on him? Were not his strange mannerisms, his voice, his endearing sincerity and shyness, more fascinating than anything else on the tour?

The realization had dashed through the singer’s brain so fast that he was left blinking in surprise. He had asked the poet to dinner without even really processing why; it just seemed like the thing to do. But now… now he smiled even wider.

He would be counting the hours.

#mario + rabbids #mario plus rabbids #mario rpgs #fanfic #woodrow #ts woodrow #the phantom #phandrow

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