#might just be my tl/dash idk

[thatoneweirdo14]

most of the odinson brothers content im finding is from 6/7 years ago (makes sense, since that's around when ragnarok came out) and I'm watching old animation memes/animatics and stuff and God i never thought I'd find edm music nostalgic but it's making me want to go back to 2016 fandom when i didn't have twitter and everyone was nicer and artists weren't stalked so people could find dirt on them and there wasn't this weird minors vs adults age war and everything didn't feel like a crime and it was all just a good time :((

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Finding character motivations for everything Talia Al Ghul does and says in Lost Days

People say she was manipulating Jason to be more violent but like... was she?? Why would she be doing that??? She spends years trying to heal him for Bruce and then tries to make him more violent towards Bruce because... ????????

I've read Lost Days a fair few times and it never felt like she was being cruel or manipulative and this has confused the fuck out of me for a long time. Since I'm going to be writing her into my Jason centric fic pretty soon, I figured it would be good to go back to Lost Days and really focus in on her and her character motivations.

This is a post because I do my best thinking through the act of writing essays, and figured someone out there might also be interested.

tl;dr In the text as written Talia does her level best to guide Jason to become a Hero again out of genuine compassion. It is her explicit goal to make Jason less vengeful, less violent, and more like the hero he was before he died. She is not predatory towards him, and the only times she works in ways that could be damaging to him are when she feels her own safety is threatened by him. Talia is depicted as a good but flawed person shaped by the trauma Ra's and the League has put her through.

So yeah, wildly over detailed analysis of everything Talia does and says during Lost Days under the cut:

Scene one: Ra's and Talia yelling dramatically on a lawn right after Talia uses a Lazarus Pit on Jason.

Her stated justification for doing so is "I did--what--needed to be done" (em dashes for choking). Considering she risked a LOT to do this, I figure she's probably telling the truth. She believed this was necessary.

Then we flash back to her first learning about Jason's death. She posits that his death will essentially break Bruce.

In the panels directly after this she's shown looking at a picture of Jason and Bruce, face in hands, clearly upset. Probably primarily for Bruce, but like idk she's an empathic human I feel like it's safe to say she's upset for the kid who died too, especially since the picture centers Jason prominently, with focus/close-up panels on both Bruce and Jason, with Jason's scanning first.

Then we have the sequence of her learning that Jason is still alive, through her agents who have been instructed to keep a very close eye on Bruce.

Her first big decision is to bring him to her Father. She doesn't make any attempt to hide him, so it's either a good idea to her or a necessary one. Ra's obviously wants to figure out how he managed to cheat death, and it seems likely to me, given that she's loyal to him, that she'd also want to do so. She doesn't seem to want him dead, even if she's at odds with him pretty much the whole time to one degree or another.

Then we get her investigating Jason's ressurection and the doctor she's got telling her about his brain damage and the Doc claims he's not getting better

We're just gonna breeze on passed that autistic affect weirdness...

She disagrees.

This is the third time now that Talia has had faith in the humanity and emotional capacity of people the rest of the League write off as being capable of nothing but violence. Considering she's been right the other times it stands to reason that she's right about this too. It also says a lot about her character that this is something she's repeatedly done.

She attempts to prove he's getting better by slapping Jason across the face, declaring, "He never fights back when it's me! Explain that! Never when it's me!"

This strongly suggests that she must treat him differently than the rest of the league, specifically that she treats him with more kindness and more attention. He recognizes her as someone safe, who he doesn't need to fight.

This is further backed up by the next page

Ra's then decides that all this has been a complete waste of time and demands that Jason be put out to pasture so he can't distract Talia from her work for the League.

During this argument Ra's posits that she thinks handing over a healed Jason would make Bruce love her, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I think Ra's is misreading her, in exactly the same way all of the League has been misreading everyone all issue: he's failing to understand that people are capable of actual love and compassion. He's interpreting her acts of kindness and love as something manipulative and selfish. Maybe that's something she believes or hopes for on some level, but it's obviously not her "real" motive here like Ra's thinks.

This is what makes her decide that it's necessary to make one last attempt to heal him, and get him out somewhere safer than with the League. It's a desperate last ditch attempt, but she's a competent motherfucker.

The rest of the issue is narrated as a letter Talia sends off with him in the bag of supplies she gives him. In it she says that she had other reasons for attempting to save him.

So, at the end of issue #1 we have three clear motives for why she healed Jason:

To heal Jason is to heal Bruce.

She has a basic sense of decency and wants to help a murdered kid recover. Jason healing is its own reward.

She wants to find out how Jason "survived" so that her Father might be able to replicate that for himself.

Healing Jason might bring her emotionally closer to Bruce.

ALL of these are based in love, and thus could qualify for what she meant in those last few lines of her letter. However, I think I want to emphasis that she almost certainly has to be including love for Jason himself, not just for what Jason represents to Bruce, though Bruce is still a huge focus for her.

And she didn't tell Bruce because Ra's might kill Jason. He doesn't want Batman to know he's alive, ever, and may very well kill Jason to keep that secret.

ON TO ISSUE #2

This is where it gets a lot harder to figure out why she's doing things.

Talia's first act is to refuse to tell Ra's where Jason is. Her second revealed act is that while tossing Jason into the ocean to help him escape she says this:

"Do not seek him out. You remain unavenged."

Third thing she does is check up on her loyal agents who tell her "We know where he's going You're not going to like it." This is immediately followed by the reveal that Jason is going to Gotham.

So uhhhh... Why doesn't Talia want him to go to Bruce now? Also, why does Talia think that being unavenged would mean Jason going to Bruce was a bad idea? Like how is the unavenged bit not a complete nonsequitor?

Cause the thing is, we the audience know what Jason is like in the future, Lost Days was written after UtRH, but Talia doesn't know Jason's personality, she's only met him while he was incapable of communication, so what reason does she have to assume this would impact him like this?

Hypothesis one: She knew about Felipe, thinks he killed him, and thus counts him as a killer of abusers, someone who would want revenge.

Seems pretty unlikely. There's absolutely nothing in the text to support this, it's completely made up conjecture. Also, she doesn't seem to think Jason is the type of person to do revenge all that harshly in later panels.

Hypothesis two: She's counting on the temporary adrenaline-rage-pain boost from the Pit to convince him to be mad about the whole unavenged thing.

Why tho? Like, for realsies, there's no reason for her to try to do this? If this is a plan to keep him away from Bruce, it's a dumb one, like why would that be her choice of strategy?? Also the letter contradicts this.

Hypothesis three: She believes it was wrong of Bruce not to avenge him, or at least thinks that most people would be incredibly angry to find they weren't avenged

Baring her just being fucking precognitive and knowing the future for no good reason, this seems like the most likely cause. Growing up in the League hasn't exactly given her a view of how healthy people handle their anger, and violent retaliation is a nigh daily obstacle for her to navigate. It means she told him that because she thought it was important and she probably always intended to tell him whenever he healed enough to understand it.

Hypothesis four: She assumed him finding out was inevitable, and wanted to do that in a controlled manner... uhhh... and the best controlled manner avaliable was... while flinging him off a cliff??? Instead of in the letter?????

Not buying this one.

We see Jason try to kill Bruce and then get him explaining himself to Talia.

That's... that's not how sociopathic works I'm pretty sure... whateves...

Talia seems to have believed there would have been a fight about the Joker, but not that Jason would have actually tried to kill him. Or at least not that Jason would have tried to really, truly kill him in such a cold, calculated way once all forms of Laz juice were out of his system.

So again, why the fuck was she preventing him and Bruce from meeting?! Would the Dark Knight not have survived a fist fight with an angry sixteen year old??

I don't get it. That's uhhhh- that doesn't make any sense to me. I guess she was just wary of how bad the confrontation might get, but not fully expecting this kind of rage? Maybe she was acting much more confident of her decisions in front of her father and was really worried about this outcome? I dunno, and that's all the evidence we've got!

And now we have a new problem! Why does Talia agree to help him?

She believes she's released a curse into this world. She believes that she has kickstarted a nasty cycle of violence spiral. She doesn't want to see Bruce hurt or killed by his kid.

So the only conclusion left is that she thinks she can better mitigate the damage by helping and misdirecting than she can by actually confronting Jason. Considering who she interacts with, that seems perfectly reasonable.

ON TO ISSUE #3

We get some proper answers here hopefully

Our previous idea about why she was helping him was correct, this is an attempt to keep him less violent, steer him towards other things, and let his desire for revenge fizzle or find a different target.

She's not giving him over to Bruce because Bruce would never forgive her for having kept Jason from him... And also Jason will fucking kill Bruce.

Make special note here of the idea that sex is why she isn't beating the crap out of this guy. Put a pin in that. It'll be important later.

Back down at the murder ranch, Jason finishes killing his teacher and then explains himself

I believe she's genuinely happy about this, because it is actually a step in the direction she wants him to take. He went from being completely obsessed with just killing the father who didn't avenge him, to saving a bunch of kids and delaying his own revenge goals to do it. The tin man IS growing a heart. Her plan is, miraculously, kinda working!

ON TO ISSUE #4

Further proof that her plan is working: Jason leaves Rip, the mercenary driver, alive. He's developing standards for who he is and isn't willing to kill, and those standards are evolving because he is being pushed outside his conflict with Bruce.

His treatment of the bomber's connection with the mob is further proof of this.

That little smile and her gently nudging him towards the idea that he's picking "old habits" back up is very telling. She's guiding him back to the path of actually being a Hero. I think this is meant to imply that Talia is deliberately throwing scumbags towards him to not only distract him, but also to remind him of the heroism he did before he died and give him new purpose beyond mere violence towards Bruce.

And again, her plan is working! He's doing hero stuff!

Aaaaand now we have another curveball. Why show him Tim?

Again, him finding out about this was probably inevitable. He seems more chill, the dark circles under his eyes are gone, I think she's hoping that while in the middle of a new investigation Jason will be in as good a place as she can find to tell him about this.

It's better than mid cliff dive, if nothing else.

Now, to head this off at the pass, because I've seen people assert this in other posts before: this is definitively, absolutely, 100% guaranteed, NOT WHEN TITANS TOWER HAPPENS. He hasn't even come up with using the red hood as a persona when she shows him this picture, so even if he let the extremely time sensitive bombing plot go for a day or two worth of private jetting to beat up the new guy, there's no way in HELL Tim would be able to recognize the Red Hood as Jason. Heck, Tim wouldn't even be with that set of Titans yet, the fucking HUSH plotline hasn't even happened yet!! Okay moving on...

ON TO ISSUE #5

Talia isn't in this one

Jason acts as a Hero. Tim man definitely has a heart.

I really like this plotline tbh, it's just great.

He kills all but one of the Russian mobsters that come to kill him and then he runs out of ammo on the last, and that guy offers up the Joker's location in exchange for his life.

This is when the Tin Man relapses.

ON TO ISSUE #6

CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSION OF CONSENT ISSUES

He hunts the Joker down and fails to kill him. I want to emphasis here, that failing to kill the Joker is a failure to adhere to the morals that Jason has established for himself, and a failure to keep being an anti-hero the way Talia was encouraging him to be.

This is not him being a good guy. This is him getting worse again. This is him failing to care about the world and things other than his own revenge.

Once again he explains himself to Talia, and reveals that he's known for a while now that she's been stalling him.

And then they fuck, and Jason wakes up alone.

So what just happened and why?

First of all I think the fact he KNEW he was being stalled combined with his heroism prior to the Joker being brought up strongly implies that Talia's plan would have kept working and that Jason would have kept letting it work, drawing him more and more into just being an anti-hero. He has a heart, he has morals, but his rage for Bruce and the Joker eclipses those morals pretty completely. Talia's plan was always to guide him away from revenge and it might have worked if he hadn't run out of ammo at the wrong time.

Secondly, Talia has just been given a bunch of reasons to feel threatened. Her plot was revealed, and Jason no longer has reason to believe that she isn't an obstacle to his goals.

Considering the sheer amount of violence that Talia regularly narrowly escapes only through manipulation and leveraging men's emotions, it seems pretty reasonable to me that she'd assume she needed to do both those things in order to protect herself.

She tells Jason about Ra's death, claiming that she's angry with Bruce for that. I don't know if this is the truth, but it would serve this purpose either way. She's giving him reasons to believe she's still on his side. Then she gets emotional leverage on him by sleeping with him. Take that pin out of the fact that she didn't beat that other guy for talking out of turn to her because she was fucking him. Then she escapes while he's asleep and only contacts him again from afar.

She does both of these things because she is afraid that a freshly refocused on vengeance Jason will hurt or kill her if she doesn't. After all, she herself is a killer. Jason might just decide it's her turn to join his other teachers.

The scene of them sleeping together isn't framed as traumatic for Jason; he seems to be perfectly willing.

There two very important questions that need answered before we cast judgments though: Is Jason still a minor when this happens? How old is Talia in comparison to Jason?

The only indication of timeline that we have is that it takes place JUST prior to Hush, as the story ends with Jason meeting Tomas Elliot. According to the Batman Chronology Project, Tim should be 16 during the events of Hush. We know Jason is about two years older than Tim, making him 18 during this scene.

According to Dennis O'Neil "I’m pretty sure that Talia is still a young woman – young by our standards, not just her father’s." According to some random fucker on an ancient comicvine forum going by the handle "brock4618", O'Neil said in a different interview that she was 18 when Bruce kissed her and is about Dick's age, not Bruce's age. I can't find O'Neil saying that, but it does line up with the quote we know is real.

So this was a case of an extremely traumatized 18 year old boy agreeing to sleep with a woman in her twenties after he accidentally made her feel that she needed to use sex and emotional manipulation to protect herself from his possible violent retaliation.

This is still a deeply unpleasant situation, but it's so much better than the initial impression that I got!

CONCLUSIONS TIME

Talia healed Jason because

She's a kind and loving person, and was especially kind and loving when she was younger. She wants to help Bruce, she wants to help Jason, and she wants to help her father. She did it for love.

Talia kept Jason's existence a secret from Bruce because

Her father demanded she keep it a secret, then she was afraid Bruce would hate her for it, and by the time she ought to be warning Bruce about Jason, well he was a scary motherfucker and she was in too deep.

Is Talia portrayed as a sexually predatory monster?

No. A woman using sex to escape violence is not predatory; I will fucking fight you. That whole scenario was bad, but acting like she's evil for this doesn't pan out unless you disagree with some of the facts of the case. It also really doesn't feel like Winick intended for the audience to assume this was predatory. Jason never seems uncomfortable with the fact it happened, and he even gives Jason a bit of beard scruff to help convey that he's older now. (it uh... it didn't work. Because I thought Talia was like 52 at minimum. Also just the timeline. But that was the intent I feel)

Is Talia attempting to make Jason more vengeful?

No. Exact opposite actually, every lie and manipulation is in service of preventing him from going on his vengeance quest, guiding him to be a better person, and protecting herself and others.

As a side note: I haven't touched the potential misogyny or racism angles, because that's simply beyond the scope of this analysis. I don't have the time, energy, or resources to dig into this myself, you'll have to find a different post for that angle, sorry.

So... yeah. That's my findings, I hope at least one other person finds this useful!

[spacebeyonce]

Sorry for dumping in your inbox again haha, but anyways-- just rn I came across a post on my dash about how it's the reader's duty to check tags, and that you shouldn't attack fanfic authors for "writing stuff you don't like" (ie proship nonsense lol), and while I do agree that it's always important to check tags thoroughly; I kept thinking about how many times I came across disturbing content, that WASNT tagged, and it was making me think, "if this wasn't tagged, don't I have the right to be upset about it being included?"

For example, my special interest is specifically Kaeya, an Indian character from genshin impact. On the rare occasions that I read fanfic, it's usually one shots of them-- however SO many fanfics end up describing kaeya in the most racist or fetishy way imaginable, or have characters say or do racist things towards them! And look-- I can handle kaeya fics involving racism (hell, I even write some for my friends and I to discuss!!!), however those fics are usually exploring racism as a THEME, and how it impacts the character! Most fanfics though? Absolutely don't do that!! And the racism is literally NEVER tagged!! There's no warning of kaeya being called a fucking "caramel twink" or have their brother say racist shit to them! There's none of that! Idk...

TL;DR ppl don't understand that you can't trust authors to tag everything/not to be pieces of shit, and that it shouldn't be reader's fault for stumbling across untagged shit that upset them + genshin fans suck ass lol

oh don't apologize! I enjoy talking to new people!

but yes most fic writers are fucking atrocious when it comes to tagging, and oh how they bristle when you ask them to tag something more appropriately. it's why the 'creator chose not to warn' tag is so....pointless to me??? that shit is my enemy. like warning readers about a topic or theme that might trigger them is common courtesy imo. and if your story can't stand without you making the triggering content be a surprise then like...that's a skill issue I fear. it's always 'fic writers don't owe you anything' and all this attitude but then that attitude is gone when our hard work isn't recognized the way we want.

like I can understand being like 'fic writers don't owe you anything' when it's someone that's telling you the direction your story should go, or constantly demanding updates and not like....idfk interacting with this thing you're making as it comes. I get that! but this is kinda supposed to be a community, and communities build each other up and call us in when needed...so maybe we should be open to more than just blind uncritical praise. but what do I know!

but yes, they are never, ever going to tag for racism like that. when it's how you write it, in EXPLORATION AS A THEME then hell yeah it'll be tagged. but when it's racial fetishization, or an irrational bashing fic towards a character of color...no, no. that'll never get tagged. you can certainly bring up why it's hurtful to the author, but chances are high that won't go suuuper well. 'cause I mean...the last few weeks have really reminded me that when it comes to racism fandom is just stupid as hell about it so what else can we expect lmao.

but yeah I feel your pain so hard. every time I hear about the genshin fandom it's when they're doing something racist so. I'm sending a prayer up for your strength lmao. I hope you've got a good community of color around you there because man it sure helps you feel less fucking insane.

[cherry-shot]

OKAY I MIGHT BE THE BOOMEREST BOOMER TO EVER BE TRAPPED IN A MILLENIAL BODY, BUT NOW LIKE *JUST NOW* REALIZED TUMBLR WAS MESSING WITH MY DASHBOARD

the last month I was rambling about how boring this shit is becoming and when suddenly my dash stopped at like idk 5 posts I realized something was wrong and THIS FUCKING HELLSITE SHOVED ITS DEFAULT DASH CONFIGURATION RIGHT THRU MY ASS

now I finally see all your posts

tl;dr check the dash configuration, don't be an idiot like me

[grave-thrones]

hey king!! just thought of smth rn and thought u might find it interesting!

fun fact: did u know that ur actually super duper cool and I'm absolutely ecstatic around u and adore being friends w u! and seeing u on the dash or my tl makes me super happy bc i love u! :D

BROOOOOO WTF U ARE JUST FILLING ME WITH JOY RN, LISTEN! THE FEELING IS MUTUAL!!! u are fuckin fantastic and secret time? ur like the Big factor in me using tumblr again BC LIKE I RLY WANTED TO FOR A WHILE but idk i just suck ig but then i was like "no shit, lethe? gotta look at tumblr to see what lethe is doing" and now i'm getting back into the spirit i think :D

but yeah, u are top tier i love u to bits dude, if i followed u to TUMBLR u can be sure i would follow u into battle LMAO

[littlecafe]

asdfhakal okay yes hi HELLO it has been SO LONG ㅠㅜ I missed you and your playlists (*˙˘˙*)!♡

off topic and ik you didn't ask but the chokehold ONEWE and ONEUS has on me rn is no joke

actually I can lead this on topic, would love to see a playlist of your current faves!

hi!! omg yes it's been so long!! you took a hiatus for a while right? i missed seeing you on my dash (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡

ohhh i was thinking of making a playlist with just current favs so i'll do this and @ you in the post when it's up since it might take a few days, i'm currently in my "building a new listening to playlist" phase bc i'm tired of my old one rip

asfjhsdjfdsf no i totally get the music chokehold bc that's me too like sometimes i'll be super obsessed with like one or two artists and start listening to them on repeat

onewe and oneus aren't in my current music rotation but i do like quite a few of their songs!! i was really into onewe's single "memory: illusion" when it came out, all 3 songs on there *chef's kiss* and i'm going to derail this convo so hard but for some reason the mixing on that single!! it felt so clear (ramblings in read more, tl;dr go see ur fav kbands live if you can!! there is a reason why live band music sounds better bc i feel production aren't doing most of them justice)

idk if you're interested but i came across this the other day (i haven't even watched it yet lol) but someone subbed some parts of the naver now yoon sang's "music to you" kband bassist special cya was on (the other two bassists are lucy's wonsang and cnema's jeongho)

rambling because sometimes i just need to word vomit my thoughts, disclaimer i do not claim to know anything i'm talking about and everything is purely anecdotal

but anyways!! i honestly cannot tell you why i loved the mixing of that single so much, maybe it's mediocre mixing i wouldn't know but i just felt like i could actually HEAR things for once like it was crisp and actually had depth to the songs

usually in kband mixing a lot of the lower range instruments aren't loud enough on the track so you end up hearing a lot of vocals and guitar and some drum taps, every now and then bass but usually only if the song or part was meant to highlight bass....and the worse part of all this is that sometimes even the guitar is muddy which makes the song sound flat because you're missing those lows

like you know i love them and this just proves that "bad" production will never stop me if i like the song but the mixing on most of day6's songs were not very good......

an example (youtube links so the audio will not be top notch due to youtube compression but i think you can tell anyways): sweet chaos official audio vs sweet chaos live

already from the beginning you can tell the deeper sound from dowoon's drums aren't captured at all in the official audio like it's already muddied when that's the highlight of the opening it's literally just him and mtr how can u already mess this up

fast forward to the chorus, you can 100% hear youngk's bass sound better in the live than in the audio where you have to squint with your ears to even try to guess if you're hearing bass or just guitar under their vocals

in the live you can also clearly hear the difference in the two guitars when jae does lead and sungjin does rhythm, while it's all muddied together in the audio like if i'm being real, i can't even hear the lead guitar parts in the audio tbh like where did it go, in the live you can hear all the small tidbits and how he plays along to the melody line under the vocalist at parts in the chorus

same thing with the outro as the intro but this time with the bass, it's really buried and softened under the vocals on the official audio when you can clearly hear it in the live version (and as you should? because it's the only instrument being highlighted here other than vocals and some mtr)

also ftisland, for pure example purposes because from what i remember the mixing is actually great, don't search it up if it makes you uncomfortable knowing that j*nghoon has credits for lyrics and composition of this song (fuck him fr im glad ftisland disowned him publicly) but their song shadows (japanese release) was mixed by Josh Wilber who has led production for multiple metal bands so that audio actually came out GOOD

this song is pretty grungy, especially in the chorus but i felt like nothing got lost on the audio, the two guitars, the bass, the drums, obviously the vocals too it's all there it's like magic asjhfkdsf to me it sounds even more clear than their live albums (yes i know these go through a whole production too so it still will never top being there LIVE and hearing it as they play with your own ears)

ftisland's mixing is hit or miss but i don't mind it i just wanted to talk about that one specific song since it was mixed by someone who actually worked with heavy rock based music

so yea anyways the mixing for kbands can sometimes leave a lot to be desired and it makes me happy when i feel like i can hear more sounds i feel like production is so underrated since we know the lyricists, composers, arrangers but no noise for post production

i'm pretty sure that's why all of them sound infinitely better live like even without all the concert remixes and crowd hype they can be playing the damn song with no changes from the audio and it will sound better just because you can actually hear the instruments in their fullness

so this is a psa to go see ur favorite band playing live if you can!!

obviously mixing/post production applies to all music even if i'm only rambling about bands here asjhksdfds

[infinitystation]

im so bored and ark is sick so i cant even call her :(

[tractorbeamofwoe]

okay so I’m kind of in a weird place rn and idk what to do. I don’t really know how to explain how I’m feeling so just bear with me but I feel like I’m sort of losing interest in catb tumblr/the fandom (I think that’s become pretty evident over the last year with me reblogging mainly non catb related stuff). I think it’s mainly due to just not having any more new content to post about so seeing all the same posts on my feed is getting boring and talking about all the same things is just sort of losing its appeal for me. I’m over the split now, I’ve moved on.

TLDR (if you don’t wanna read my whole rambling speech below the cut): Basically I’m taking a break from/leaving catb tumblr in favour of other fandoms that are more active because I feel like I’m screaming into the void here currently but I am going to continue writing, though there will be some other fandom stuff thrown in there

But at the same time it’s losing its fun because I don’t talk to anyone really anymore. Like i barely get interactions anymore and I feel like I’ve been blacklisted or shunned or something ?? Like I feel like I’ve done something wrong so that I’m being ignored or there’s a quiet mutual dislike of me but idk what ? I can tell it’s stemmed from like the last two dramas that I got involved in but like considering some people reached out and were reassuring me and made me feel like we’re on good terms and now are just acting like I don’t exist...I’m ngl kinda stings a bit. I really loved and valued the friendships I had with people on here and I loved this tight little community we had where we’d all support each other but in the last year I think catb tumblr has lost that aspect.

I know I haven’t written much in the last year but even when I do it’s like months of work just for it to get one like and it’s just not exciting or rewarding or inspiring me to keep going anymore if anything it’s just becoming a chore and is kind of draining. I LOVE writing don’t get me wrong and I still have so many WIPs that I’d like to get finished but I just cannot be bothered to do that knowing I’m gonna be really proud of it and it doesn’t even get read.

This part is just aimed at the fandom in general so please don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong but I think I’m gonna start unfollowing a load of catb blogs too. Because where I used to like every single post, every ask, every reblog, every picture on my dash and leave comments I now just skim through my TL and just sort of like the odd one or two posts. But that’s the thing, I always made an effort to like every post I saw so people felt seen and didn’t feel like they were screaming into the void, but I don’t feel like I ever got anything like that back and I myself these days just feel like I’m talking to a brick wall.

Like I said, I’ve still got loads of WIPs so I’m not gonna stop writing for catb (and this doesn’t apply to Inhaler, I adore the inhaler fandom on here and I’d like to spend more time getting to know my Inhaler mutuals. Still gonna write those Sam WIPs too) but I’m also part of so many more fandoms now that I’ve actually been wanting to write for for a while now but never did because I felt tied down to only writing for catb. I’ve been talking about the idea of rebranding for a while and again never really had the guts to do it but this time I think I might, just need to decide how I’m gonna do it first.

So I guess uh shameless self plug if you’re into britpop or stranger things or just movies I guess then stick around :)

[evan-buck]

Loki Season 2. Please give me some hope. You seem to be optimistic.

hey, lovely! i don’t know how much help i can be because my hope only comes from watching the show and the few bits of interviews etc that i’ve seen. i’m not following any news/spoilers/cast or crew social media so i don’t have anything new to add or comment on, i’m afraid... but that may be half the reason i feel good about season two lmao.

(the way i have sat here for an actual age just trying to make this shorter... putting it behind a cut to save everyone’s dashes. sorry for the small essay <3)

i’m mostly just optimistic about two things: 

1. that we will see way more of loki and mobius’ dynamic, that the show really leans into how good those moments are, and that they don’t lose mobius halfway through the season again for no good reason. i think we will see more balance there and see loki continue to realise how important mobius is to him - whether this is as friends or something more. (i suspect just friends tho!) the audience response to mobius and tom’s compulsion to speak of loki/mobius at any given opportunity certainly help being hopeful for at least that!

and 2. i am hopeful we’ll see a new dynamic between loki and s*lvie, like an actual friendship! i know i said the show might ‘backtrack’ in the tags and maybe that was the wrong word - i’m not expecting the show to put the brakes on what has already happened completely. loki being shoved through that time door, probably - sadly - didn’t cure him of his ‘demented crush’ so i’m sure there will be more to see from that weird and awkward energy masquerading as ‘sexual tension’ at first. but generally speaking - no one speaks about this relationship, as far as i have seen. the little i have seen sophia say sounded pretty final to me, like that part of their relationship was done. and anyone else that speaks on it usually passes a comment about it being unhealthy or wrong, or the show itself tells us it’s ‘sick and twisted’ and i just... idk. i feel like if this really was loki’s first big real true love story, the people involved with the show might want to say a bit more about it? unless i just haven’t seen it of course! but the other part of my perhaps misplaced optimism really just comes from the story itself, and loki’s journey through season one. going into season two we have a loki that recognises and accepts his narcissism but is also now actively working away from that and towards a greater purpose than just himself for the first time. and a large part of that development didn’t come from s*lvie or his fascination with her... it came from mobius and the tva. ignoring for a moment the fact that s*lvie is a version of loki and the way that is its own issue, it would just feel regressive for me to see him continue to pursue her when s*lvie is still miles behind in terms of her own personal development/self-love discovery. she’s currently in a place loki has taken great strides away from, and he doesn’t seem keen to go back there. this is not the makings of a great love story, or a compelling romance... imo!

this is honestly me trying to be concise, i could probably write more, but tl;dr - i have nothing to go on but my own interpretation of what i’ve seen so far so this is the best i can do lmao! my optimism may be completely misplaced and the show could prove me wrong, but i sincerely hope not. i’m still having a good time with it and willing to see what comes next before i write it off just yet!

[outofthewoodsagain]

hi hi! i'm guessing you mean how to find ppl to follow & content you like?

i’ll do kind of a tumblr 101 since there’s a lotta new folks lately; just ignore anything that’s obvious or that you already know!

to get content on your dash:

follow tags u like (tumblr tags >>> tumblr search, which sucks)

some good tags to start with, since you like taylor & rep:

#swifties

#eras tour

#tswiftedit

#tscreators

#tsreputation

#rep tour (if u want a blast from the past!)

to find blogs to follow:

again, tags. see who’s posting about your interests, check out their blogs to see who they reblog from, and repeat.

you can also post something like, "hi im looking for people to follow. like/reblog if you blog about [insert list of interests]."

make sure to tag it with those interests too. your post will show up in the first 20 tags you use

ppl do this a lot and it seems to work!

other advice about using the site:

use the block button liberally, esp since you like taylor.

random ppl have been posting rude shit in her tag recently (ugh). you'll see obvious porn bots too in Taylor's tag sometimes; just block them all is my advice

turn off anonymous messaging. personal opinion, but people can be shitty sometimes on anon.

filtering posts & tags:

learn about how tag & post filtering works, and blacklist any words/phrases u don’t wanna see. [tumblr article here]

If you want something to appear in a tag, it has to be an exact match (ie "taylor swift")

If you don't want something to appear in a tag, but you do want to tag it as a trigger warning, add some other random characters to the tag (ie "taylor swift for ts," "taylor swift //////, or "tw taylor swift.")

tl;dr tag an exact term if you want fans of that term to see your post

Otherwise, tag the term, but add some random characters too, so that you’re not posting negativity in other ppl’s tags

reblogging art:

if u can, find the fan artists and small creators and give them some appreciation for their work. there's so many talented artists here!

for art, ALWAYS reblog from the artist, instead of making your own post. and don't remove their caption/credit. 

sorry this got long but i hope it's helpful!

okay yeah! feel free to ask if there's anything else!

also, welcome! the swifties here are chill and i hope u have a nice time!

guys i litterally do not know how to use this. send help ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[gogyposting]

Agreed with you on the post; I lean towards 'it's all just business babeey' conclusion, and that while they are qbaiting in a sense of using their flirting relationship to drive up the engagement (and therefore profits too), if people are stupid enough to believe it's actually ~real~ and that they have queer rep in DnG or whatever - it's their own fault. Ship to your heart's content but if you become delusional and start dnf truthing on main - I'm not even sorry for you.

Thing is, for whatever reason two guys flirting will always attract new (often young, often queer and often female) audience, even if that initial flirting was just friendly banter and not intended to be bait at all. I don't want CCs to change their behaviour intentionally to avoid that audience, you know? Especially since explicitly saying they're not together changes...pretty much nothing tbh. If Dream or George announced tomorrow that no, they're not together, calm down gays - at best fandom would be like "ya-ya we know", at worst - "omg they're so closeted and afraid of being found out :(". So at this point they might as well ramp it up intentionally and benefit from the whole situation.

Mildly off topic, but what does piss me off is that dnf truthing will literally be based on a.) obvious bait b.) normal behaviour between two friends that was cherry-picked to make it seem like 'dnf are so in love!1!". E.g. the 10 hour calls that they've done to our knowledge, like, 3 times? And that George had with Bad and Sapnap as well so it's not like some Dream-exclusive thing? Fandom ran with it and now whenever Dream and George are not on streams I'll see multiple posts about how "It's all good guys, they are probably on call with each other! They can't stay apart for too long uwu". This is what I mean when I say that DnG don't even need to bait, fandom will bait itself using the flimsiest arguments. Mildly frustrating but what can you do.

idk what to say to any of this really, it’s worded perfectly and i agree with all of it. especially you’re last point like?!? i’ve never been a dnfer but taking a step away from these ccs has given me a fresh perspective and i really think that so many clips that i see on my dash or tl are either obvious bait or just. Guys Bein Dudes. friends bein pals.

it’s one thing to find their relationship cute and to speculate like, for funsies. because that is not something i see any problem with and the vast majority of the people i follow on tumblr seem to fall into this category. a lot of people (young fans on twitter, mostly) just take everything wayyy too fucking seriously and i guess i don’t really have an issue with that either, i just think they might be setting themselves up for disappointment or have an unhealthy attachment to their ship. like, people accuse me of treating dng like fictional characters when i say they queerbait, but then turn around and meticulously analyze george blinking faster when dream starts talking or something as Definitive Proof that they are in love. or they over exaggerate this jealous dream bit which by the way, annoys me to no end. 

i’m not gonna lie though and pretend like they are just two normal buddies cause. i have eyes. there are some....questionable things that these two say/do that are not indicative of normal bro behavior. i side eye them HARD quite often. and i don’t want to be the fun police here, i hope that anyone who reads this doesn’t think i look down on people for shipping dnf? i don’t. i just think it’s kind of weird when people take it so seriously and invest in their dynamic wayyyyy too much. because, yknow, (looks at smudged writing on hand) Pair of social relationships and all that

[hunxi-guilai]

do you have any insight as to why certain characters (jiang cheng, wen ning, jin ling) rarely use their courtesy names while other characters (okay i’ll be honest this is about the third gusu bro nie huaisang) never reveal their given names in canon? (@cangse-sanren)

(spiritual follow-up to this post, maybe?)

to be totally honest, I think this might be a POV thing, since the show is pretty rigidly from Wei Wuxian’s (also highly unreliable) POV. I talked a bit about Jiang Cheng not really being called Jiang Wanyin all that much (except when he’s being a lil bitch) in the post I linked above -- tl;dr I think it’s probably a combination of limited POV (Wei Wuxian would go straight to personal name rather than courtesy name), and just... not really having people left in the world in the social position that would allow them to use Jiang Cheng’s courtesy name. Everyone else left in the world would probably have to refer to Jiang Cheng as either -gongzi or -zongzhu in order to display the proper respect and deference.

Jin Ling, I think I’ve heard it said (and I can’t remember if this is from canon material or something I’ve picked up on my dash) felt that his courtesy name wasn’t, idk, manly enough or something and refuses to go by his courtesy name.

Wen Ning, honestly, I’m not too sure about, because by all rights folks should be calling him Wen Qionglin. Wei Wuxian, we know, doesn’t give a flying fuck about when he should be using courtesy names or personal names, so it’s not very surprising that he chooses to go straight for the intimacy of a personal name; I’m honestly surprised that Jiang Cheng and others follow his lead almost universally across the board. We do get Wei Wuxian yelling Wen Qionglin at one point, which feels very much like the deployment of firstname-lastname, you’re in trouble this time! But since Wen Ning is eternally cast in the role of ‘baby bro,’ he gets the personal name treatment quite a lot.

Especially with Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning, though, because they become so reviled after death, using their personal names specifically to condemn and castigate them is also like, a Thing.  It’s not just rude to call someone by their personal name to their face; to continue to refer to them disparagingly by their personal name when they’re not in the room/this mortal realm is also a demonstration of scorn. Part of this, I think, comes from a sort of infantilization that happens with personal names. Personal names are childhood names; courtesy names are bestowed when someone comes of age, so reverting back to a childhood name for someone does, on some level, treat them as a troublesome brat who hasn’t conducted themselves with the appropriate amount of maturity to deserve their courtesy names.

If I had to guess why some folks never reveal their personal names in canon, it’s probably because they’re just not close enough to Wei Wuxian for him to come to know this, and it just never gets brought up. I’m honestly not even sure how we know Lan Xichen’s personal name, because I don’t think it’s ever referenced in the show (in the novel maybe?), and Wei Wuxian hasn’t really been in a situation where he’d learn or use Lan Xichen’s personal name. It’s a bit more of a mystery why we have such a spotty record with the names of female characters -- for example, Jiang Yanli is extremely close to Wei Wuxian, but we never find out her personal name (is it a taboo thing related to gender? 讳 hui is a custom practiced in certain dynasties of avoiding characters in emperor’s/deceased relatives’ personal names, but I don’t think it’s a necessarily a thing in CQL). Conversely, we only know Wen Qing’s personal name, which makes no sense, because she absolutely should have gotten a courtesy name at this point.

tl;dr to answer your question, it’s a combination of limited perspective and general mystery

[sadrien]

Is there a reason why you stopped watching the show after season one? And do you plan on watching the rest?

mostly it was that the hiatus between season 1 and season 2 was so long that i had an entirely different vision for where i personally was interested in seeing the show and characters go than the actual show did 

idk if people remember how long that hiatus felt, but a year and a half (if this wiki and my memory are right) for a kids tv show is long time

and you’ll see this happen with me (and other people) in other fandoms too: the longer the haitus, not only the more people expect when something returns, but the more specific ideals they want it to meet. one of the best examples of this is bbc sherlock (i’m sorry) between seasons 2 and 3. the fandom had an entire 2 years to come up with theories as to how sherlock survived, and then not only didn’t get a satisfying answer, but didn’t get an answer at all and yes i was part of that nonsnse

in a year and a half between s1 and 2, i found things i didn’t like as much about the show, i wrote a WHOLE lot of fanfiction, i became more critical of what existed, and i figured out what i wanted. which..isn’t really monster of the week and isn’t the handing out miraculous to various classmates thing they’re going with 

which is fine if you like it! it’s just not really for me (at least right now) 

i also found new interests. by the time s2 started, i was in a different fandom, i started new ask blogs, i was writing new fanfic. i was going to college and having a terrible time, and there’s a reason my vent fic was no longer ml and was instead for a fandom that was much much more serious in terms of mental health. i didn’t feel as comfortable projecting those feelings onto what is intended to be a fun show for kids, so i didn’t. and vent fic was a huge reason i initially wrote for ml

now, while i occasionally write fic for zines, my focus is on original fiction. the only fandom i claim is ace attorney (somehow), because i really don’t want to be as involved in fandom anymore. and i haven’t really had a desire to watch any more of ml, even when it does cross my dash. maybe someday, maybe certain episodes, but not the way i used to 

and i’ll fully admit that thomas is a reason i stopped watching. i didn’t even follow him on twitter but some of his tweets (particularly about chloe) were incredibly frustrating, as was how he handled various discourse that came up. it really made me not trust him as a show runner, at least with some of the material he was working with. i know that’s vague but i don’t feel like pulling receipts right now 

ALSO i just don’t watch tv. that’s a thing about me that developed in the past few years. i do not have the attention span for television, episodic nature is not really my jive right now, and i am very busy. i don’t even watch tv shows i think that i’ll like 

so tl;dr: the hiatus was too long, astruc frustrated me pretty hard, and i suck at television shows. so i probably won’t be watching any more of the show (aside from the nyc special because i might watch it with some friends even though none of us have watched since partway through s2) 

[autumnpleaves]

i see you have a new colour ask post so imma ask you some more cuz why not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Mauve, almond, emerald, ELECTRIC BLUE, acid green (i love when u talk about dsmp cuz i now love the dsmp but also when you talk about stuff i dont know about im like wow what a cool intresting person with so many cool things to talk about), lemon kind of (in the way where like i first saw you on my dash u were one of those people with loads of friends and thats intimidating) and finally baby blue!

I see you’re here to spam my inbox again... /j 

XDD

In all seriousness, thanks :D 

Although most of the asked thing are just like stuff I’ve queued and also just coz others might wanna do it XD 

Hope this is the correct one- 

Mauve - They’re just friend shaped 

ahdjfkaldf

Okay, I’ve gotten this multiple times, I can’t tell if it’s just my overall shape or just coz I’m really huggable XD 

BUT EEEEEK- you’re cuddle shaped stoicky :D 

Almond - Mutual I would love to be closer with

HECK YEAH! I’d love to know and get closer with you mate! :D 

Just sometimes conversations and time just don’t match up all too well... hehe... 

Emerald - Kind and soothing presence on the tl 

fahdjfka (i really need to start keysmashing properly) 

Thank you :) 

But I definitely reblog too much fandom stuff? So Idk how calming my presence would be XD 

ELECTRIC BLUE (WHY IS THIS CAPS? /lh) - Let’s be gay and do crimes together

STOICKY- 

It’s like you’ve read my mind~! 

LET’S START BY STEALING THE BIG BEN >:D THAT WAY, DAYLIGHT SAVINGS WON’T BE A THING ANYMORE! MUAHAHAHAH 

Acid Green - Mutual that likes so many interesting/unique things. Keep talking pls. 

ahfjldf

Okay, I now feel kinda bad because I’m not one for like listening to other people rant about things I don’t understand, and knowing others are willing to listen even if they don’t understand makes me wanna try harder to be more attentive? 

And it just makes me like, “Oh, this person likes this. I need to watch/read more about it so we can talk about it.” and then I never get around to doing it, and it makes me feel bad :/ 

BUT I HONESTLY THINK you’re talking to the wrong person! 

When *I* talk about stuff *YOU* don’t know? MAte- 

You’re like wayyyyyy more knowledgeable than me. I sometimes just gape in awe at how much *YOU* know, not the other way around dude. 

(But yes, dsmp is a pretty interesting topic XD) 

Lemon - so cool, they are almost intimidating 

Oh- WOw- 

UHM- 

I thought the same about you? and like everyone? Literally the moment I started appearing on timelines and stuff, the *only* proper *friend* I had was like. Yawn. No joke. We just started getting close and stuff, and that’s literally it. All I had was Yawn. LIKE- 

NOW, I Got yOU! :D 

ANd many more awesome people! :D 

THERE’S NO NEED TO BE INTIMIDATED BY ME Q-Q 

I wanna be friends T-T 

Baby Blue - so sweet, so caring 

Of course I would try my best to be caring >:T 

How’s school btw? 

... 

It should be morning for you there... or at least afternoon? 

:D 

Thanks for the a s k, s t o i c k y! 

[musette22]

Hi Minnie! First of all, thank you for being so sweet, reasonable and respectful, I can't even describe how much joy your blog gives me! You are a true pro in emotional support for Evanstan fandom, so I guess I kinda need some reassurance. [1]

The thing is, as you probably know, some Seb stans on Twitter take the whole Chris insta situation and turn it into smth embarassing, like making fun of Seb and Mackie ignoring Chris and calling the idea of the challenge stupid (even though Chris did donate, not just "asked fans for money", as they say). It's like they feel the need to attack the first before smb calls they fav out. [2]

I know there ARE good people in Seb fandom, it's just that the aggressive ones are so loud and spread their bs so fast, I end up seeing it on my TL. No matter how stupid it sounds, it keeps making me sad to see so much hate towards Chris and his fans not from some random locals but from Seb stans. It's like two halves of my heart are torn apart. Not even ship-wise, it just seems so hard to love them both and be present on twitter these days. [3]

And, since I'm whiney af today, one more twitter thing: the CW promo era was some kind of honeymoon for us, sure, but I've recently seen some opinions on how Chris was all lovey-dovey and Seb was stiff and bored and uncomfortable, how their interviews were unnatural and boring. I mean, in my part of fandom (non-English speaking country) there has always been a popular perception of boys' dynamic as these "over-excited puppy playing around a confused cat" vids, if you know what I mean. [4]

But it kinda seemed ok for me, and the way they acted a little awkward around each other etc. Well, you can tell I'm easily affected cause now it does feel more negative to me. Stuuupid, I know. Maybe it's my "let's feel sorry for Chris and his fans" phase, idk. Sorry for bringing it here, you just seem to reassure people so well. [5 and last, it was long lol]

Hello my lovely!! This was indeed long hahaha but that’s totally fine, I myself am also someone who also has trouble keeping things short to I feel you 😘 

This is a very long reply so I’m putting it under the cut so I don’t clog up people’s dashes!

Okay so first of all, let me say I was never a fan of Twitter, but everything I’ve heard lately has just lowered my opinion of it even further. I know there’s a lot of amazing stuff and brilliant folks on there as well, but it also seems to be where all the bitchy, hateful, entitled and inappropriate people congregate. So personally, I’m very happy with my little community on Tumblr when it comes to fandom, and for news and social media I prefer actual news outlets and instagram. The sad truth is that there are a lot of harmful and hateful opinions in the world, and as someone who struggles with anxiety, I try to find ways to avoid a lot of it. Especially the stuff I can’t do anything about (you can try to reason with most haters until you’re blue in the face, and 90% of the time it’s not going to make an ounce of difference). It’s much easier to curate your own experiences on platforms like Tumblr and even Instagram than it is on Twitter, or so I’ve gathered. So I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of helpful advice for you there apart from ‘maybe try and stay away from Twitter if you can’ which you probably don’t really want either...

As for the whole Seb vs Chris issue: it’s clearly completely ridiculous. There is no ground whatsoever to believe they’re at odds. At worst, they’re now just casual work friends, but there is no reason to believe there’s any bad blood. It’s interesting to consider that initially, the argument seemed to be they had fallen out and both disliked each other (no idea where that came from but sure), then it was that Chris didn’t like Sebastian (because he allegedly shaded him when he joked that Scarjo was the only one of his friends who came to see Lobby Hero), and then Chris got Instagram and tagged and followed Seb, but because Seb hasn’t responded to the challenge yet, he now apparently hates Chris. For what reason, god only knows, because only last year at MCM London (where I was present myself) Sebastian gushed about Chris and his experiences with him while filming the Cap movies, and lets not forget it was him who initiated the hug at the Endgame premiere. Long story short: they don’t dislike each other. They’re completely fine, people just like to make up drama for whatever reason.   

As for the Sebastian stans who hate Chris and vice vera: to be honest, I wasn’t even really aware it was an issue until recently, because I was under the naive impression that it was kind of impossible to love one but hate the other. Both of them are such amiable, sweet, thoughtful, funny, talented guys, and everyone who actually knows them adores them, so why on earth anyone could hate either of them is beyond me. But even if you do, I genuinely don’t understand this need to pit them against each other? Why? I think a lot of it is down to people just liking drama, or being actual 12 year-olds who still see the world in a kind of high school dynamic-way. I’m not saying Chris and Sebastian have never done anything wrong, but in my opinion, none of it warrants outright hate or being cancelled over. It’s such an immature and unreasonable take. I’m just sorry for the people who can’t love both of them, because man, are they missing out! I understand that it’s painful for you to see all those opinions when you love both of them so much, but that’s why I try to just avoid them. I know they exist, but not seeing them makes dealing with it a whole lot easier, I promise! ❤️

With regard to the challenge itself: if the celebrities who are taking part in it are not donating themselves, then yeah, that would be problematic. However, we know that Chris donates to a ton of different charities, so there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s donated to this cause as well. Asking people to buy tickets to try and win this “prize” is not in itself an issue, if you ask me. People can think for themselves, can’t they? If they think it’s worth it, they think it’s worth it. They’re not being forced to part with their money, and moreover said money is being used to help people in need. Of course fake and problematic charities exist, but there are still good ones out there as well, so let’s assume for the moment this one is actually doing all of this from a genuine desire to help people and it’s not some money grabbing scheme.

Furthermore, as I’ve said so many times before, I really don’t believe Sebastian and Mackie are “ignoring” Chris. If they’re choosing not to do the challenge (they still might do it at some point) then I’m sure they have a good reason for that and it isn’t that they’re holding a grudge and are thinking “screw this charity and that Chris Evans, I’m going to ghost him to get my revenge!” I mean, do these people even realize how ridiculous that sounds 🙄 I also believe they would have let Chris know about their decision privately. They do have each other’s phone numbers, you know... 

And lastly, about the CW press tour... I don’t know what footage these people have been watching to come to such conclusions, or what’s wrong with their eyes and ears, but that makes NO sense to me. I’ll tell you what; it was mostly the footage from the CW press tour that got me convinced there was something going in between the two of them! Both Chris and Sebastian acted in a way that screamed “smitten kittens” to me, and if there was ever any “stiffness” from Sebastian’s side, then that was no doubt just his slightly more reserved personality compared to Chris and Mackie’s. Chris and Sebastian’s videos together give me LIFE, so for anyone to call them boring is actually kind of insulting lol. To me, almost every interaction Chris and Seb had during that press tour showed that they were either low-key (in a friendship way) or high-key (in a romantic way) crushing on each other, and they clearly admire each other very much. Any awkwardness I’ve ever seen between them for me seemed to stem from that crush (is anyone not at least a little awkward around their crush sometimes?) and not from any dislike from either side. That’s actually such a ridiculous idea to me that it doesn’t even make me worried, it just makes me laugh. Some people really don’t have eyes, it seems. 

Anyway, that was a reeeeeeaaaaaallllyyyyy long reply lmao, I’m sorry! I hope this helps a little though, because I do know how shitty it is to feel like you do about things that are supposed to make you happy!! Tuning out the haters and focusing on people who feel the same way you do in my experience is the best way to get to feeling good again 🥰 Big hug, and hopefully you’ll feel better soon!

[isolctions]

not to be disappointing on main (again), but lately i've been finding myself writing more in my notes and making sure my writing is consistent rather than being on the dash, hoping that i get the chance to write. and while that's not a bad thing at all, bc i love what i'm doing rn!! it's just that lately, i've been equating how good i am at writing/how well my material is/how much i actually wanna be here by the amount of people that respond and engage with me and basing my wants on whether i'm someone people want to write with. not really fair to me. and on top of that, my health is still really shitty — idk if anyone remembers me being sick early in march, but that pain never actually went away and i'm not having the best of times as far as my anxiety and comfort goes.

plus, like i said, i'm still considering myself on hiatus bc i just don't have the energy most days, especially not with that goes on recently. but the good news is: i'll be here when i can. and i'm putting a lot of time specifically towards world building aspen & ilyssa, as well as zephyr & zena, so sorry to my other muses but i'm feeling more receptive towards them lately in terms of what i wanna do.

tl;dr: i wanna apologize for not being here consistently but...i also don't need to? i'm working on being a better writer, especially in terms of the muses i love with more complex backstories, and i think that's good enough. also, i be sick. also, i do what i want. also, love and miss you guys, i'll be back whenever the muse hits. it might be tomorrow, might be next week, might be next month. (for now, i'm on discord plotting and scheming, so i don't mind just talking over things while i work on my muse. 🥰)