#it took me embarrassingly long to figure out what the @ at the end of the ask meant | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chewingcyanide · 9 months ago

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𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣. 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

₊⊹ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 — secretly pining over someone is never fun—even less so when they’re your childhood best friend, and dating someone else.

₊⊹ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 —all the angst, jealousy, thoughts of inferiority, cursing, big sadness from reader over here, not proofread i got better things to do

₊⊹ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 — jack hughes x fem!reader

₊⊹ 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 — my valentine’s day jhughes special (albeit a day late ☹️), as promised! sorry it took me so long. couldn’t figure out how to end it. this is unapologetically self-indulgent. also not a wip, but i HAD to do it to em. i’m sorry if your name is brooke or bianca. i love you. promise. maybe we’ll make a part two, if yall like it enough!

₊⊹ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 — @dancerbailey3, @bellstwd, @kashee-h, @crazycat-ladys-blog, @brucewaynegfreal, @love4dlr, @jackhughesily, @leavethemonsteralive, @loveforaugust, @43hughes, @nathandoe, @choppedlamphandscowboy, @bunting58, @angelayse, @ru-kru, @sleepretreat, @nonsensical-nonsence, @maih23 (if your name is white, i couldn’t tag you!)

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

Everyone knows the saying you never know what you have until you lose it. Truth was, you knew exactly what you had—you’d just never imagined you’d lose it.

You never imagined you’d lose him.

A shared childhood and mothers’ who found friendship with each other had brought you and Jack Hughes together, kept you glued even as skin stretched and futures diverged—where he’d gone on to be a star hockey player, you’d quietly came into adulthood, trekking through the difficulties of college.

In your younger years, Jack had always been there. Life of the party, a mirrorball everyone gravitated to for its decadent shine—you, contrastingly, felt like a sore thumb at parties, attending them only to see the smile on Jack’s face. Differing personalities and life routes aside, Jack was your person. The first person you called whenever you were sad, or happy, or bored. The one who knew all of your test scores first, who took hours long flights just to visit you during breaks in the season.

Distance nor time had left a lasting mark on your friendship, kept together by constant phone calls and texts. Whilst you remained imbedded in the hustle of Toronto, Jack was trapped in New Jersey—a gap that you closed every summer, when mutual desire to see one another (as well as his brothers) brought you and him to Michigan for a few months.

From childhood, to high school, to now—it had always been you two. Jokes passed in the years, swirling around with assumptions of the two of you ending up together, finally realizing it after years of proclaimed friendship. For Jack, it’d never been romantic. Loving and caring, a relationship he’d never trade for the world, but the intimacy ended there. Memories of him outwardly flirting with girls in front of you at bars or parties flashed in your mind any time you figured maybe; he’d never given any indicator that you were or would ever be more to him than his best friend.

For you? It was an embarrassingly different story.

College had stolen much of your time—left none for a love life. But truthfully, that didn’t much phase you.

Hookups, flings, boyfriends—all of them paled in comparison to Jack. A childhood crush perpetuated by maturation without loss of contact, Jack had just… always been there. Always a best friend, never a lover; the hanging axe of rejection was too dire a outcome for you to ever consider telling him. Killing a friendship you’d grown with would kill you. And maybe he felt the same way, maybe the kisses he reserved for the crown of your head and the guiding hand he kept on the small of your back meant something, but you couldn’t continue existing if they didn’t.

So, a dutiful friend, you kept quiet, spared the connection and suffered in unrequited love.

And it hadn’t really changed until Jack had gotten a girlfriend. In all your years of knowing him, he’d had a few—though they rarely lasted more than a handful of months, and a selfish and bitter part of you liked that. Sometimes they overstepped, viewed themselves above you in the ranking of Jack’s life; he made painfully clear they never would be.

And it felt good, to be that cherished. But then you remembered he didn’t actually love you and it felt a whole lot less impactful.

Not Brooke.

Brooke, a box-dye blonde with a less-than-stellar reaction to your friendship with her boyfriend, was unarguably beautiful—unapproachably so, someone you’d picture whenever thinking of the girl Jack would end up with. You knew it would never be you, but you hated that it was her, hated that it was finally cemented, the coffin wheeled out.

A friendship you’d cherished for years had been weathered down by the abrasive actions of his girlfriend. It left a bitter taste in your mouth; Jack never seemed privy to Brooke’s nonverbal dislike of you, and you never made comment of it. If Jack was happy, what did it matter? If you said anything, all you’d appear to be was a child throwing a tantrum, the attention torn from them. You refused to jeopardize Jack’s happiness, even if it meant shredding your own.

Brooke tolerated you; that was the best word you could think of. There was surely no excess of love, but you didn’t think she flat out despised you, either. Passive aggressive to the point of just being aggressive, snide looks whenever she didn’t think you could see, intentionally separating you from Jack whenever the two of you were talking—it all made you hate being around her, and by extension, him.

So when he’d invited you to dinner with him—and some of his teammates, a monthly ritual at his house—the knee jerk reaction had been to decline, lie, run while you were still free from the piercing glare of Brooke; because you knew she’d be there, clung to his side, as if you had any intention of taking him away.

… Well, you’d did have the intention. Never the will, so then again maybe she was right to hate you. Feelings you’d never act on, words you’d never say—none of it mattered. She had him. Not you. Never you.

You should’ve said no.

Pouting eyes and pleading lips caved you. As soon as you’d agreed, you’d regretted it—knew in your bones it would only serve to wedge the knife in your heart deeper, solidify the loss of a what you thought would be a lifelong partnership. Your platonic soulmate, twin flame pinched out by hateful fingers.

Getting ready for the dinner felt like preparing for a cage fight, where all night you’d have do endure blow after blow—them kissing, them touching, him loving her in a way you wished he’d love you.

Night blanketed the sky by the time you’d arrived to Jack’s home, shadows slipping by the window, shapes of people telling you that you were likely late—the stone in your stomach had slowed you monumentally. The torture was self-inflicted, you knew. There would be no pity when your heart finally gave out.

She did this to herself, they’d say. Hearts can only endure so much before they break.

Voices coalesced into one as you pushed open the door, welcomed by the familiar atmosphere of friendship and loud laughter. You’d completely forgotten to text Jack that you’d gotten here—and for some reason, as you crossed the threshold into the gaping space of his living room, you felt like an outsider. Sudden eyes landed on you like bullets, and all you saw was Jack—his side taken dutifully by Brooke, always beautiful, striking in a way you didn’t think you’d ever been.

Looking at her, it made sense why she was the one Jack chose. Why you hadn’t been. A best friend. Childhood acquaintance. Faded t-shirt he’d strung along for too many years, even as the design weathered away and the fabric weakened. He’d gotten a shiny new one, the novelty still in tact, yet he hadn’t let you go.

Some part of you, deep in the caves of your wounded heart, wished Brooke would ban him from your presence. Maybe then your hurt would lessen. You knew you’d never be able to let go on your own.

Jack’s eyes caught you, stood awkwardly in the mouth of the hallway. He attempted to stand, only for Brooke to tug him down by his t-shirt—the shirt you’d bought him for his birthday last year, impressed with two hearts holding hands. She said something to him, something low and hissed between clenched teeth. Before you could see his reaction, Nico was invading your space, arms winding around you.

“There she is!” he announced, the ground leaving your feet as he lifted you playfully. “We were waiting on you to eat. Sure do like to take your time.”

Residual bitterness faded at Nico’s words—Jack may have been your best friend, but years of being attached to him introduced you to his teammates; they were always kind, if a little overbearing. A big brother that toed the line of overprotective and well-wishing.

Grateful for the attention distractor, you allowed your shoulders to relax and lungs to decompress. The first cut at seeing Jack, still happily in love with Brooke, was already dealt; you just needed to get through the dinner, and not look like a hostage while doing so.

“Yeah, yeah,” you laughed, shoving Nico’s shoulder as he brought you towards where the others were gathered in the living room. “Make fun of me for driving like a grandma all you want, at least I’m safe.”

Not looking at Jack took more self control than you’d care to admit. Blurring in your peripheral, a mess of colors stacked atop one another, you knew if you glanced—saw the claim Brooke was staking for all to see—it would only make you want to leave. So you didn’t.

Luke was next to greet you, offering a pity-imbued smile. Despite never mentioning your affections for his older brother, you knew he knew; saw it in the way he would look at you, the frowns offered. In times when Brooke inadvertently talked you down, it was Luke who told her off, put balm on the wound.

A side hug and a soft smile—you barely were able to muster one yourself. “How have classes been?”

You graced Luke with an exasperated groan. “Terrible, thanks for reminding me. Economics is kicking my ass.”

Luke sat. You remained standing. A loose thread peeking from your sweatshirt seemed far more intriguing than eyes you were trying desperately not to meet.

“Tough luck,” remarked Luke, conversations reviving after the novelty of your arrival wore off. You recognized a couple of faces around you—Dawson, Jesper, Alexander, and John. Faces you’d become acquainted with in your years of being Jack’s friend.

The title felt a bitter reminder of your ceiling, never surpassing Jack’s best friend. Loved and cherished, a desired presence, just not how you wanted. Who were you to complain? It was better to be his friend than nothing at all; to have a little piece of him, proof that at one point, you’d mattered enough to get it.

You just weren’t sure if you did anymore.

Where once Jack’s name was a regular occurrence, flashing on your phone screen—texts, calls, FaceTimes, they all faded once Brooke came into his life. Movie nights on his couch, reruns of old films that you could quote down to the last line, stopped. You knew Jack cared enough to extend invites, but at this point, you figured it was more out of pity and shame than actual want of your company.

Beggars really couldn’t be choosers.

Eventually, everyone made their way into the dining room. Chairs lined a large wooden table, one chosen and haphazardly assembled by you and Jack when he’d first bought this house. Scratches imbedded in the finish sent flashes of dropped hammers and clumsy feet into your mind, memories that felt too far to touch.

Mind far afield, you sat down—somewhere between Luke and Nico, far enough from Jack to be inconspicuous but close enough to feel the sharp burn of his eyes. It was petty, you knew, to have still not greeted him. Not that Brooke would’ve likely even let you. A sadistic part of you wanted him to feel even a modicum of the agony that rattled you whenever you were forced to watch him and Brooke, wanted to wonder and question why you were so cold.

Then again, maybe he didn’t care.

Body detached from your mind, the last thing you expected was to be spoken to—least of all by Brooke. But there her grating voice was, verging on overuse, but you knew that was just how she talked. Chafing and annoying and awful—

“Still no boyfriend?” A venomous smile curled her lips; friendly to the untrained eye. You knew better.

Your fingers twitched. The food in front of you spoiled, appetite evaporated. Of course she asked that—both a jab and a reassurance; if you had a boyfriend, her relationship with Jack would be safe. Not that it wasn’t, regardless.

You wished you could scream at her, leap across the table and force her to hear your words: you’d never have Jack. Want him, yes. Spend years pining over a boy who looked to you like the sister he never had, absolutely. But actually have him, feel his love in every touch and kiss? No. That wasn’t on the cards for you; you’d folded long ago.

“Nope,” you drawled. The pressure of Jack’s stare caved you—you caught his eyes, eyebrows creased, the wrinkle of his forehead that made itself prominent whenever he was annoyed.

What did he possibly have to be annoyed about?

Catching Luke’s gaze only irked you further, alit the urge to push out of your chair and flee Jack’s home. Pity swelled in his eyes, the beginnings of a frown quirking down his lips. You didn’t want pity; didn’t want to feel like the entire world was in on some inside joke you’d never understand. Everyone saw it, your love for Jack. Saw the lovestruck comedy that was your life—girl loves boy, boy isn’t even aware of it, hilarity ensues.

Everyone but Jack. And honestly, that was for the best.

You didn’t think you’d be able to handle the frown when he found out. Jack Hughes, always kind, never malignant, searching for a way to politely turn down his best friend without taking an axe to the connection. Really, there would be no bloodless way to let it die—so you lived in moments between, where nothing felt impactful or important or real.

When Jack was without Brooke, you could almost imagine he was your Jack—the one who turned down every girl so that he’d be free to go to prom with you, the one who got banned from a restaurant for life for pouring a drink over your cheating ex-boyfriend’s head. The Jack who always protected you, always cared, even when all of his friends couldn’t understand it.

That Jack who currently hand his arm around the back of Brooke’s chair, shoulders touching—a casual thing, something you’d done with countless strangers, yet it felt impactful enough to make bile swim in your throat.

“Probably for the best,” Luke interjected after the conversation—if it even was that—between you and Brooke came to an awkward stalemate. “Guys are dicks.”

A tension somehow always existed whenever you were in a room with Brooke. One you never wanted, never fed into. Like a shadow, the morning mist, it hung thick as smog. Choking you, nearly forcing you from the room.

“You’re a guy,” you laughed weakly, offering Luke a pointed look.

“No one at college, then?” Nico piped up. You felt bad for not looking at him, but he was too close to Jack and Brooke—you didn’t want to see them.

Cozy, warm in a way you thought only you’d ever be with Jack. Familiar, united. Their relationship didn’t seem as superficial as his past ones had, woven together under the pretense of good sex and no real connection. Watching Jack love his new, perfect girlfriend made you physically ill; and maybe that was dramatic, maybe it made you a backwards person with failing morals—you couldn’t care anymore.

Years of hiding your love, months of watching his own be poured into a girl that wanted you out of his life—it wore you down to your bones, dangerously close to burning to ash.

“Most of them are… strange, to say the least,” you responded with a wince. And that was true; your major seemed to just attract men whose one quality was making women uncomfortable. “Plus, having a boyfriend would just distract me. Finals are coming up and I’m already worried about how I’m going to do on them.”

Luke scoffed. “Hookups exist.”

A wince followed Luke’s words. Eyes fell to where Jessica was rubbing her hand—Jack apologized, albeit half-heartedly. Confusion overcame you; had he squeezed her hand too tightly?

In the past, you’d had boyfriends. Not that they lasted very long. Somehow, there was always something wrong with them—something only Jack could see; he’d endlessly nitpick, nag, explain why your newest boyfriend wasn’t good enough for you.

They were too old, too uptight, not nice enough. Always something. And without fail, Jack was right—scarcely did they make it past the first date before some measly excuse fell from their lips. But maybe it wasn’t them; maybe it was you. So, with an aching heart refusing to connect with any other but Jack’s, you gave up. Delved headfirst into college work and stayed below the waves, even as they began to drown you.

All you offered in response to Luke was a shrug.

Conversation picked up then, thankfully fell away from you. Limelight sufficiently dimmed, you allowed yourself to watch Jack; a habit you’d never quite shaken, even in the embarrassing moments when he caught your peering gaze.

You weren’t sure exactly when you’d fallen in love with Jack—just that you had, and now you couldn’t touch the bottom of him. Water filled your lungs, suffocated you, but if drowning meant being near him, you’d happily do it. Dying in his platonic embrace seemed better than dying all alone.

Ruffled brown hair, the sort of charm that every boy-next-door seemed to possess, and clear blue eyes that shone every emotion like a transparent window to his soul—all of it made Jack Jack, the boy you loved, would admire even in moments he didn’t think he deserved reverence.

You’d seen it all: the self-deprecation after his failure of a rookie year, dwindling confidence, tears imbued with hurt and disappointment, frustration of someone who knew they were better. It was you who’d been by his side, proved an anchor to a person you couldn’t live without.

Yet he’d still chosen Brooke.

For most people, that would be the last step off the cliff, boneless body breaking against the canyon. Not you—so full of hope and dreams, undeterred by every sign the universe gave you. You weren’t his only, but at least you were one.

Jack’s lips parted into a smile, one you could tell was real—his kissed Brooke’s temple, pinched her on the side. An intimate moment in a crowded room. You felt almost as if you were trespassing, a stranger watching two people in love. Part of you didn’t even associate that boy as Jack, because you couldn’t understand how he could love someone so averse to you, so… mean. But then again, it wasn’t about you.

It was about him. Accommodations had been made for years—leaving parties early because you were uncomfortable, blowing off his guy friends to comfort you after a bad date, scrapping his wants and his plans because of something to do with you.

He was probably sick of it. Sick of you, dictating what he could and couldn’t do. Who he could and couldn’t date. Because who cared if Brooke hated you; Jack loved her, despite it all. And that was what made dread swirl into a storm in your heart, ribs nearly cracking under the rate it was thundering at.

Abruptly, you stood. Felt the chair nearly topple. Eyes came to you—Jack’s friends. Yours, yes, but Jack’s foremost. You were just intruding, butting into a life that no longer fit you. Time had passed, the wishful minds of children grown into adulthood. He didn’t owe you anything anymore, especially when all you were was a storm cloud over his parade.

Just as soon as you had, Jack stood, concern clear in his gaze. “What’s wrong?”

Your tongue felt like lead. “Nothing—nothing, sorry. I’m—I need to use the restroom.”

You didn’t wait much longer before leaving the room.

Air felt scarce, lungs punctured and deflating quicker than you could patch the holes. Clumsily, you pushed open the door to the bathroom, steadied your shaking hands on the edge of the sink. Looking at yourself, reflection marred by the onset of tears, all you could do was compare—compare to Brooke, to every girl Jack had ever wanted, ever liked, ever loved.

Was it their features, doughy lips that worshipped him in a way you didn’t? Was it their bodies, womanly and free in a way you didn’t like to be? Or was it deeper, were their souls crafted from the same light, in a way you’d always thought your own had been with Jack’s?

Idiot, fool, dreamer—you were all of it. Like a lap dog, bird in its teeth, you always returned, remained dutifully at Jack’s side for the moment he might open the screen door and finally let you in.

Brooke had every right to hate you. Perceptive in a way Jack wasn’t, she saw what everyone else did—the lovesick eyes, foolish faith chaining you to him, an unrealized desire that would never be acted on. Had you been in Brooke’s place, you would’ve hated yourself as well.

Water poured from the faucet, gathered in your cupped palms. Attempting to desecrate any evidence of tears, you gently splashed the water in your face—went to dry it when you heard the sound of the front door creaking open.

“Oh, thank God you’re here, Bee.”

Cold crept up your spine. Eavesdropping was wrong—you knew that, yet still found yourself leaning against the bathroom door to catch Brooke’s words.

“What’s going on?” came the response, likely the voice of Bianca, Brooke’s best friend. You’d met her once at a game (met was a loose word; she’d given you a snide look and taken to ignoring you the entire time).

Brooke’s voice lowered to the point where you were forced to strain to hear her speak. “You know Jack’s little pet?”

A lapse. Your heart seized, taken by some concoction of shame and surprise.

“No.”

“Yes!” responded Brooke. “She’s fucking everywhere. I asked Jack not to invite her tonight, and lo and behold—”

“Wait, I thought you talked to Jack?”

“I did.” Vexation laced every letter. “I told him it made me uncomfortable how close they were, how she was always around, blah blah. He got defensive, but he said he’d talk to her.”

“Clearly not,” Bianca muttered. “Look, I wouldn’t worry about it. They’re childhood friends, yeah? He probably feels like he has to stay her friend, or something. I mean, Jack’s a good guy, he wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone; if he dropped her, he’d look like a douche. I’m sure she’ll get the hint eventually.”

Footsteps began, voices fading along with them. “I fucking hope. It’s honestly pathetic.”

Blood roared in your ears, drowned out the sound of your beating heart—if it was even beating anymore. Something bitter and hot invaded your airways, lashed like whips against your flesh. It was no secret Brooke disliked you, disliked the closeness of you and Jack, but to hear it, the vicious way it fell from her lips—it made your gut twist and constrict, pushing bile towards your throat.

Pathetic. They thought you were pathetic, hopelessly waiting, like a dead plant praying for flowers that would never come. Lovelorn, seeking affection that only came by way of friendship and never more; they were right, and it became evident with a strike of lightning to your body.

Is that truly how Jack felt? Was he waiting for you to give up, so to spare you the hurt of being let down? Had you become baggage? Chained to him, the memory of childhood the only thing keeping you relevant, when times were less impactful and his life didn’t center around being a professional athlete. The stain of youth, remaining only for its joyful memory; that’s all you were now—a memory.

Just like your love, it seemed everyone saw Jack’s hints but you. Rose-colored lenses blurred everything but what you wished to see; of course you missed them, ignored them so your narrative remained intact.

God, you were an idiot. A fucking idiot.

Head pounding, the squeeze of an oncoming migraine rattling your brain, you opened the bathroom door. Felt like a trapped bird all the way back to the table—you just had to get through dinner, only an hour or two, so as to not raise any suspicion, and then you could fade from Jack’s life.

Not that he’d notice. He hadn’t even spoken to you tonight, though no fault of his own; Brooke kept her claws deep, and it was clear he didn’t want to risk an argument. Not that you could blame him—she was his girlfriend. Her. Not you. He didn’t owe you anything.

Conversations filled your ears, ostracized you—every time you had opened your mouth before, it had felt wrong, the scratch on a vinyl everyone skipped over. You saw him first—noticeably tense, chair a bit further away from Brooke that it had been earlier. Tensed forehead, hands balled on the table; you longed to ask what was wrong, as you were used to doing. But you imagined talking to him, and it somehow felt wrong, a peasant addressing a king.

Then, your eyes fell to your seat.

No longer empty, occupied now by Bianca, who was talking casually with Brooke, as if her actions hadn’t changed your entire perception of the situation. There were no more seats. No more room. The metaphor wasn’t lost on you, hit with the same sting of antiseptic on a wound—there wasn’t any more room for you at the table, just as there was no room for you in Jack’s life.

Maybe this was always meant to happen. Childhood didn’t remain forever, and it seemed, neither was your friendship. You’d always wondered why Jack had chosen you, someone so dissimilar to himself and his friends. Eventually, you made peace with it. His friendship was a balm to everything negative. Now… here you were again, more ostracized than ever.

What were you supposed to do? The long haul wasn’t meant to have an end.

Everyone was looking at you now. Stage fright, you lost your speech, thousands of eyes from a crowd looking at you, spotlight centered on your face, and you couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t—

Blue eyes found you, stood stonily at the entrance of the dining room. Jack’s eyebrows knitted, confused as to why you were still stood. When he saw Bianca, his lip curled. Frustration sparked, bemusement painted over. Once more that protective streak flared, something you were so used to—it had once felt the greatest trophy, proof that the Jack Hughes cared enough to stand up for you. It felt a sore consolation now, a reminder that, as always, you’d be the meek girl from his childhood he was forced to drag along, defend, shield from his new life that he fit into perfectly, that you spilled out from.

“Get up.”

Then, the attention went to him.

Brooke glanced at her boyfriend, annoyance flashing on her face. Their conversation paused. “What?”

Jack nodded towards Bianca. “She took her seat,” he explained in a clipped voice. “Get up.”

Brooke rolled her eyes. “Jack, it’s not a big—”

“It is,” he interrupted. Tension sparked in the air like a misfired firework. “She needs to sit and Bianca took her place, so—”

“It’s fine!” The words spilled out before you could second guess them. They came out raw and pained and everything you didn’t want to appear as; pity pooled from everyone, that sort of second-hand pity you saw on strangers faces when you’d lose your footing and fall.

It was too much. Pins dug into your skin, all of a sudden too tight. You needed to leave. Now, before your bones crumbled and heart gave out and finally everything burst.

“I—um, I should probably get going, anyway,” you said, nodding as if trying to be convincing. “With finals comin’ up I should get in as much studying as I can.”

Determination was something you’d always admired about Jack; it only irked you now. He stood, shrugged off Brooke’s outstretched hand and came to stand before you, and God—it was a disservice to not admire him, even as annoyance creased his eyes and drew inwards his lips. Beauty, in such a raw form, it startled you. Growing up, he’d always been the center of everyones attention. The hockey prodigy, the first overall draft pick, the franchise player for the Devils.

You? You’d been nothing special. Yet he’d still chosen you. And here he was, apparently doing it again—but why? Why when he had a beautiful girlfriend and a perfect life and fun friends did he always come back, when clearly you were no more than a burden?

You tried not to seem spiteful. You did. But it was so hard to hide your wounds and ignore their pain. He may not have seen them, but they were unfortunately still there. And it seemed they always would be.

“You can’t,” he said, searched your gaze—he’d always been able to see straight through you, with such simplicity it frightened you. You tried to shuttered your expression, hide your pain. It wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have. “Dinner’s just started—”

“Really, J, it’s fine.” Heat bored into your face where you knew Brooke was staring, daring you to express any deeper connection with Jack past the sheltered friendliness you were currently forcing.

You weren’t going to budge. Jack saw that, and so he sighed and glanced out the window. “I’ll drive you home.”

Oh, God. Nothing was ever easy. Pushing and pushing and pushing until you weren’t sure you even wanted to get up anymore, to even try. Every time you did, right back down you went, encapsulated by everything Jack.

Freedom felt a forgotten thing. You couldn’t remember a time when you didn’t love Jack, when he wasn’t at the forefront of your mind, main star of the play.

And honestly, you were tired. Tired of wishing for something that would never happen. Tired of being viewed as the shackle around Jack’s wrist. Just tired.

“No need,” you muttered noncommittally, saw the way Jack’s face twisted with concern and confusion and everything you didn’t want to see. “It’s your dinner, J. With my grandma driving, I’ll get home safe.”

The attempt at a joke didn’t land. Smile didn’t even begin to twitch his lips. “It’s dark outside,” he stated, an obvious fact that held no weight for anyone but you and him. “I always drive you when it’s dark.”

That was true enough; your inability to see properly at night meant Jack became your chauffeur, not that he ever complained—even still, it was another thing he did for you, time sacrificed to accommodate you. Prepared to leave his own dinner, his own girlfriend, just to make sure you didn’t have to do something you were uncomfortable with. Conceptually, it was sweet, a sort of gesture that would’ve normally made your heart soar. Now? It made you feel like a burden, an incapable little girl still hiding in the shadow of her protector, afraid of the sting of daylight.

No more.

“I’m going to be fine,” you reassured. Jack didn’t appear convinced—he never was satisfied when it came to you, to your safety, unless he was directly involved. “Stay and have fun.”

“What if—”

“Let her go, babe.”

Brooke’s voice proved the nail in the coffin; a part of you heard the undertone of excitement shot through her words, the possibility of your leave alleviating any annoyance your presence had brought. Without you, Jack’s attention would be fully on her. Without you, he wouldn’t have to concern himself on whether you were having fun and if you were okay.

You. You. You.

You’d considered yourself Jack’s anchor, the grounding of his mind—unfortunately, you’d forgotten an anchor also keeps a thing in place, forcing inactivity.

Let her go.

It rang like a death knell, struck sharp as a poisoned dart, invisible but so unmistakably fatal.

Gathering what remained of your dignity, you grabbed your purse off of your—Bianca’s—chair, caught the commiseration shining in Luke’s eyes like a tarnished trophy. It only stung, reminded you that you needed pity.

Before you could flee the room like a scolded dog, Jack caught your wrist. Heat bloomed, a fever rushing to your head—his simple touch made you sick with want and need and something deeper that would never be realized or fostered. Something you had to let die.

“Text me when you’re home,” he said softly. Fingers gently squeezed your wrist. Where once you’d feel comforted, you just felt trapped. “Please.”

Not trusting your words, all you did was nod.

Honestly, you’d expected some dark cloud to cover you when finally you decided to move on. A procession of funeral goers flocking like crows, unable to understand why you’d abandoned a years-long friendship over something insignificant. Over words spewed from hateful lips.

But it wasn’t what you’d overheard. Deeper, a more sharp knowledge that even if Jack loved you, held you closer than anyone in his circle of friends, he’d never want you in the way you desired. And for a while, that was okay. Because he existed separate of everything—and then came Brooke, and it all crumbled.

You could handle him not loving you. You couldn’t, however, handle him loving someone else so openly.

Street lights blurred behind tears, a mess of streaky lights like a watercolor canvas. Flashes of nights when Jack would drive you home, insisting on taking the wheel so that you didn’t have to toe out of your comfort zone, they haunted you like a inescapable film reel on repeat in your mind. Memories fogged by lost youth, angry words from Jack’s lips as he’d stand up for you—never a party person, denounced for draining the fun. Jack never let those insults slip lip before he was barking at whoever said it.

A responsibility. A burden. The lines had become blurred in recent years.

The latter seemed more fitting.

Through a barrier of tears, you were able to send Jack a text as your car rolled to a stop in the parking lot.

at my dorm

j :)

ok good. u ok? u seemed off @ dinner

Fingers hovered over your screen. Make movements to draft a text. Nothing seemed sufficient.

You let the text stale. Sit stagnant on your phone. Jack would likely worry, eventually call—you just wanted to fall into a void and never return. Not after the mess you’d made of dinner.

The mess you’d made of your life.

Making a ghost of yourself was far more difficult than you’d thought it would be.

Incessantly, Jack had texted you, called you—you didn’t answer any of them. Silence felt a balm to your shame. Selfish, you knew, to just ghost Jack without offering any explanation, but nothing would be sufficient, not without souring the connection you were hoping would die without pain.

Cowardice, craven, pathetic—you knew you were all of it. To you, you were giving Jack a chance to pull back, to fizzle the friendship of his own accord. Maybe then it would’ve stung less, if the desire of its end was reciprocated, mutual. As it were, it was not.

Even with your withdrawal, Jack still tried. Shot texts, called and punctuated them with voicemails, sent you TikToks and Snaps and everything he would normally do if everything was fine; but it wasn’t. And you knew he knew, could sense the urgency in his attempts at communication.

You felt dirty, filthy with shame and guilt.

Despite your best efforts, you didn’t appear as unaffected as you hoped. While your insides were shredding themselves, you tried valiantly to paint over your visage with the normal happy-go-lucky smile you always wore. Most people, if they noticed, didn’t comment on it.

Unfortunately, Kaylen did notice.

Since your freshman year of college, Kaylen had been your roommate—low maintenance, intelligent to the point of making you stupid without even trying. As such, she was far more perceptive than you gave her credit for.

There’d been times you confided in her about your feeling for Jack, sought out advice that never seemed good enough. Because no one but yourself could fix the valley that had split between Jack and you. You could seek outward help all you wanted, but nothing would change unless you did something—and, really, you weren’t sure that was even a good idea anymore.

Two days of moping resulted in Kaylen’s intervention.

“Get up.”

Sunlight bled through your shut eyes, forced a wince. Hands rolled you onto your back, the somewhat stiff mattress of your bed providing a measly cushion. Sleep intruded on, your hands extended, attempted to push away the figure you knew what trying to rile you.

“Go away,” you grunted, throat thickened by sleep and other terrible emotions.

“No,” Kaylen hissed. When finally you opened your eyes, her squinted expression invaded your vision. “Look, I’ve let you be miserable for two days, but it’s getting ridiculous. What the hell happened with you and loverboy?”

A jolt nearly paused your heart mid-beat. Thinking about Jack stung in a way you didn’t like to admit, mainly due to the fact that it was painfully embarrassing that he had such a control over you.

“Don’t call him that,” you muttered, bit your tongue to stop anything else from spilling out.

Kaylen’s eyebrows quirked. “So it is about him?”

Nails scraped your lungs. “No—yes—fuck,” you moaned, sitting up and balancing your forehead on bent knees. “It’s… all fucked up, K. I don’t know what to do.”

A sigh left her lips. You felt the bed dip as she climbed beside you. “I can help if you tell me.”

And so you did, started at the beginning of dinner to the end, as you left like a dog defeating in a cage match, heart crying blood. Comforting circles were rubbed into your thigh, but all they did was remind you how Jack used to trace shapes onto your leg, or arm, or back—how he touched you, just to know you were there, with him. He said it placated him.

It was shameful, how bile teased your throat even imagining it.

Rationally, you knew everything was your doing. Loving Jack, torturing yourself by being in his presence whilst he focused his attention on his girlfriend. Expecting any semblance of affection or intimacy even as another held his heart, branded her name over your own. It was always going to happen—knowing that didn’t make it hurt any less.

When finally you finished, the conclusion of your mournful, self-pitying tale followed by the sting of unwanted tears, Kaylen’s thoughtful silence waned. Her lips pursed, fingers twitching. You expected her to berate you; what had you expected, stupid girl? He has a girlfriend!

Instead, Kaylen hugged you. “Shit, babe, I’m sorry,” she murmured, pulled back with that pitiful smile you’d seen one too many times—one you’d be fine with if you never saw again. “He cares about you—”

“Not how I care about him, though,” you finished, and Kaylen gave a weak nod.

“I mean, if you told him what Brooke and her little bitch of a friend said, I’m sure he’d leave her. He’s done more for less.” That much was true. Regardless of whose lips it came from, Jack didn’t tolerate disrespect towards you—cut long time friends off for assuming they had any authority to speak poorly of you.

And you knew—knew with the same certainty that you knew your own name—that Jack would break up with Brooke if he knew how she’d spoken of you.

That should’ve made you giddy. Bursted bright light in your chest at the prospect of having Jack to yourself once more. Instead, it made you feel heavy, sand packed into your bones. Who were you to invade his happiness? If he’d chosen Brooke, so be it.

Sure, she’d disparaged you, but Jack’s life wasn’t yours to dictate anymore. If he wanted Brooke, he’d have her, until he decided to leave—not because you decided for him.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Eyelids heavy, the residue of late-night tears remaining on the skin, you felt the fight leave you. Kaylen frowned. “I just want it all to be over.”

She didn’t look convinced. “Seriously? You’re giving up on an eight year friendship because of something some dickface said about you? I thought Jack meant more to you than that.”

Kaylen’s words stung. Made you defensive, because she was right—you were giving up and you did care about Jack, but the pain had become too much. “It’s not—it’s harder to explain than that. He’s outgrown me, K. Everyone can see it but him. I’m an obligation, a burden, and yeah, maybe he loves me as a friend and maybe he wants me around, but his friends never have—his fucking girlfriend doesn’t. And at this point, I just want it to end, I want him to be happy without the conditions of making me happy.”

Silence followed. Contemplation showed clear on Kaylen’s face. You could tell, even without her words, that she didn’t agree—but, she didn’t comment on that. Rather, she placed a hand on your leg and squeezed.

Just like Jack always did.

“It’s your life, babe,” she conceded. “And if you want to do this, I’m not going to stop you—but you have to be content with it.” She gestured to you, the nest of blankets and red-rimmed eyes. “Because this? This isn’t happiness over a good choice. You’re miserable without him, and it’s been barely two days. Think about what you’re doing before it’s irreversible.”

With that, Kaylen got up and went to her own bed, and neither of you made comment of it for the rest of the day.

Her words came again and again like a fractured turntable. Of course you were miserable—Jack had been a constant in your life for eight years, consistently preserving your peace, including you when you’d never felt more like an outsider. Happiness was synonymous with Jack, his smile, his presence, him.

Did you regret your decision? Yes, and no. You regretted the way you’d gone about it. The petty silence, ignoring a person who’d made your younger years bearable. Your friendship deserved a better death than that, a reason rather than just… fading from existence, as if it never mattered in the first place.

That wasn’t the message you wanted conveyed, and so with fingers unsteadied by aftershocks, you texted Jack.

You weren’t sure how you’d explain, if you could tiptoe around the actual reason. Maybe you couldn’t, and maybe that was okay.

i’m so sorry for everything. i’ll explain in person. can we meet up?

Your response came half a second later. As if he were waiting. That selfish part of you prayed he had been.

j :)

ofc. my place tn?

yeah. that’s good. brooke won’t be upset?

Asking after her made you want to puke, but you knew it was necessary—she didn’t like Jack even breathing near you, having an entire sit down conversation with him was certainly out of the question.

Thrice, the little text bubble appeared and disappeared on your phone screen. You could sense the apprehension without any background knowledge.

j :)

not a problem. we broke up.

It was shameful, the backwards type of pleasure that brought you.

Maybe you were a terrible person. A terrible friend. You tried to reason that it wasn’t wrong to love someone, to wish they were yours.

shit j. i’m sorry

j :)

i’m not. i’ll see u tn. 7:30 work? have dinner w the guys.

yeah, that’s fine. see you soon, j.

j :)

be safe. i’ll text you when i’m home.

The hard part wasn’t even over, and your heart was already breaking in two.

Sweat beaded at your palms, the cold claws of apprehension raking down your spine. Countless times you’d been stood here, facing the lifeless beige of Jack’s apartment door. This time, however, you stood here knowing it was the last time. A silent farewell to familiarity, the ties finally cut. Jack would fight, you would cry, and maybe he’d be able to change your mind—it seemed such an unlikely outcome that it calcified every inhale in your throat.

Shaking hands rapped the wooden door, where behind would come the execution of a friendship you’d held like a crutch for years upon years. Your childhood had died, and maybe it would’ve been better had it been left there as well, so as to spare you this heart-rending pain.

Even still, you wouldn’t have traded those years for the world—everything they taught you, through pain and happiness. It made you who you were, brought you to his doorstep with melancholy eyes and a failing heart.

Footsteps echoed on the other side of the door, urgent in a way that picked up your heart rate. The next moments you imagined with brutal clarity—Jack’s hopeful gaze, blue in a way no one else’s ever had been, the soft slope of his nose you teased him for, scrunched whenever he was particularly concerned. How he’d usher you in, hear your words, plead for a moment to explain, and then admit his love for you.

That was how you dreamt it. Unsurprisingly, it was not how it went.

Instead of the door opening to reveal the man you’d love for a lifetime, the squealing hinges were followed by a face that nearly knocked you backwards. Previous indifference smeared into flat-out disdain as Brooke’s eyes caught your figure, engulfed in one of Jack’s faded hoodies and likely disheveled in a way she’d never experienced herself.

Arrows punctured your lungs, sole your breath and defaulted your barely beating heart. Brooke was here. At Jack’s apartment. After they’d supposedly broken up. Had he lied? Was he tricking you, making you the fool? He never would, you knew that, but your wounded mind spun falsities to perpetuate your pain, as if punishment for trusting him in the first place.

“What do you want?” Brooke grunted, leant against the doorframe. Lips twitched into a smirk, the smile of the victorious.

You’d never considered yourself a violent person, but the urge to punch her in the teeth itched your fists. “Is Jack here?”

Her face fell. Something dark flashed in her face—she hesitated a moment, tossed a look over her shoulder. “Yes.”

The curt response was better than nothing, you supposed. “Right, well, can you tell—”

Brooke ran a hand through her hair. Adjusted the clasp of her necklace. “We were kind of in the middle of something. Come back later?”

The axe struck down.

Gravel filled your throat. Suffocated you. If Brooke knew the affect of her words, for once it didn’t show on her face. Years of life had taught you many things, drug you through agonies you wouldn’t relive for anything, yet somehow, this was the worst pain.

To be betrayed, trust snapped by a single action, it stung. Wormed venom in your veins and contaminated your bloodstream, poisoning your heart. Realistically, Jack hadn’t actually done anything wrong. He was allowed to hook up with other girls, to love them—he had, for years.

That wasn’t the issue.

No, it was the fact that he’d set a time, invited you over, and somehow forgot? Or had he set it all up, just to rub it in your face, get his lick-back for your prolonged silence towards him? Either way, it hurt, hurt like a bitch.

Made stone, all you did for a moment was blink at Brooke before a voice called from the background, “Who is it?”

Jack.

Fright found you then, broke away your shell of stone. You couldn’t let him see you, the dog wishing once more to come in from the cold. If he’d planned it, and saw you, he knew he’d won. If he hadn’t planned it, then he realized that—irrecoverably—he fucked up. Both choices felt like a criminal trial you didn’t want any part of.

“I—um—have a good night,” you rushed out, feet stumbling over themselves as you practically ran away from Jack’s door.

So much for closure.

So much for being broken up.

Maybe this was your sign. The one you needed to finally pull away.

Because Jack Hughes didn’t love you. Not past platonic soulmates—a relationship stained with past memories, ones that made both of you incapable of letting go, even as you outgrew it.

You were done being second best. Done trying to squeeze into a place you didn’t fit anymore.

If Brooke was Jack’s choice, so be it. You didn’t want any part of it anymore.

2K notes · View notes

anisespice · 1 year ago

Text

“ the fuck-it list ” || hq! pt. 3

one || two || four

synopsis: there’s a list going around consisting of hot guys on campus that are deemed “fuckable” with theories as to what they’d be like in bed. it’s all fun and games until somehow your boyfriend ends up on this list.

pairing: various x gn!reader [ osamu, sakusa ]

warnings: cursing, suggestive language, MDI. literally can’t be bothered to think of anything else, but feel free to let me know lol

notes: sooo i lied <333 i’ve decided to give suna his own chapter later on (srry suna lovers !!!!) i just wasn’t satisfied with how his was turning out, and it was the only roadblock delaying my progress soooo figured we’d just put a pin in his for now lol especially for those who were FROTHING for these two in particular (this for y'all ✨) hope you enjoy :)))

notes ii: nobody LOOK AT ME, this took me an embarrassingly long time lol. i’m not familiar with them, personality-wise, but i tried ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

notes iii: this one’s got atsumu written all over it LMAOOO

tagged: @daedaep69 , @ahahadumbo , @viktoryn , @mdsb , @ourgoddessathena , @ushygushybaby , @hyori2 , @lumpywolf , @fantasycantasy

“Aht-CHOO!”

The bowl of popcorn nearly flew out your lap when you shrieked bloody-murder, body in fight or flight from the abrupt sound happening moments before a jumpscare in the movie you were watching. Head on a swivel, you soon realized the culprit wasn’t a psycho-killer in a ghost mask, but your darling OSAMU with his lawnmower of a sneeze coming through your front door.

You exhaled, relieved, but scared shitless. After pausing the movie, you glared down the hall leading to the door. “Seriously? You had to do that with your entire chest?”

Osamu sniffled, then muttered. “…Y’supposed to say bless ya before scoldin’ at your sweet and thoughtful boyfriend, y’know…”

“Aw, bless you, my love. And, fuck you.”

The brunette snorted, no doubt rolling his eyes as he toed off his shoes. Coming down the hall to soon reveal his handsome face, illuminated only by the bright tv screen, Osamu held up a large plastic bag filled with something greasy and delicious as the smell traveled up your nose. He grinned smugly at you intently eyeing the bag. “Fuck me, huh?”

You immediately doubled down, waving your hands. “Waitwaitwait I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it as in…fuck you’RE so sweet and thoughtful, and I love you so much..?”

Osamu hummed, taking off his ball cap to place it on your head. Shaking it a little by the brim, he winked. “Nice save, darlin’.”

He made way for your inspace kitchen to get dinner assorted with you trailing not too far behind. Your eyes eagerly ate up the widespread of all your favorites displayed on the countertop, practically hanging off his back since there was barely any room for the both of you in the tiny space. Popcorn long forgotten, your stomach sang a symphony for some real food, Osamu saving you the trouble of eating instant noodles for dinner yet again.

And without you even having to ask him for any of it, too.

Your gaze eventually locked onto the former volleyball player, eyeing him up with a newfound hunger that he was quick to pick up on while he popped a piece of fried chicken in his mouth. Looking down at you with a raised brow he patiently waited for you to voice your thoughts, a boyish grin growing on his face as he chewed.

You blinked. He blinked back, then chuckled lightly. “We communicatin’ telepathically, or somethin’?”

“If we were, you’d know I wanna suck you dry right now.”

Osamu.exe—E R R O R.

Man straight up inhaled the little that was still in his mouth, hurling him into a fit of hacks as he turned away from the food to fight for his life at your sink. Coughing up what he could into the drain with you behind him hitting his back for support, you couldn’t stop the evil, little laugh from slipping out seeing this as a form of karma for the scare earlier. Osamu fixed you with a weak glare once he calmed down, reaching over to pinch your cheek. “A warnin’ next time, would’ya?…”

You winced, but mirth still swam in your eyes. “Your only warning would’ve been your pants around your ankles-”

“Oi, quit that.” He gently grabbed your jaw to squish up your mouth, though it didn’t repress the cheeky grin you wore. The brunette did his best to remain unfazed, but the flush across his face was evident, your words clearly effecting him. “…Jeez, at least ask me how m’day was before ya slut me out. Soundin’ like all them thirsty-ass comments floodin’ my socials all damn day.”

Osamu let go of your face to grab plates from your cabinet, leaving you standing there, dumbfounded. Pursing your lips, you crossed your arms with a raised brow. “‘m sorry…the what flooding your socials?”

He busied himself with fixing your plate, nonchalantly recalling the very incident that occurred the other day, “That dumb fuck-list or whatever, mixed up me ‘nd ‘tsumu in their little post. Had his ugly mug front ‘nd center, but had my name attached to this long-winded thread ‘bout me basically being better in the sack than him. Shit’s wild.”

“The fuck-what now?” Osamu handed over a healthy plate full of food, you absentmindedly took it but made no move to eat. He started fixing his own, acting as if he didn’t just delay your appetite with this information. “Y—…you’re joking right? There’s no way something like that exists.”

“Oh, t’s very much real. Read it with my own eyes,” he licked the spoon he used to spread sauce across his chicken. “What, ya sayin’ ya haven’t heard of it? Seriously?”

“You know I don’t care enough to keep up with the trends that go on around here. And with good reason, clearly. What’s even the purpose?”

He shrugged. “Beats me. But it’s got ‘tsumu givin’ me the silent treatment, so maybe it’s not that bad after all.”

“Pfft. He’s pissy because some random on the internet said you’re the better lay? How would they know?? You’re both happily taken, and I wish a bitch would.” You smugly declared, bringing your food to the living room.

Osamu grinned at your possessive tone, trailing behind you holding plate and soda cans in either hand. “Damn straight. But, wasn’t just some random, babe. We’re talkin’ millions.”

Had you not already gotten situated on the couch, you would’ve surely spilled food all over yourself. Jaw nearly to the floor, you blinked up at him, bewildered. “Nuh uh.”

“Yuh huh.”

“Holy shit.”

Osamu took his usual spot next to you, large frame nearly taking up most of the couch. With bellies empty, knee knocking against knee, and elbow nudging elbow, the brunette hummed contently as he soaked in his favorite atmosphere—Your voice, your warmth, you. Though too busy monologuing about the absurdity of such a thing going viral to notice his fond gaze, Osamu silently listened to every word as he began eating from his plate. Although, all that mushiness is soon pushed to the back of his mind when the next sentence fell from your lips. After you eventually found said post to see it for yourself, needless to say you had some…hot takes.

“How could someone write this and not cringe? I mean, I love you ‘samu, but a Dom? If only they knew how nervous you were our first time, it was so adorable.” You giggled, tossing some chicken into your mouth. “You are not that guy.”

Osamu’s chewing paused. Your laughter eventually died down.

You didn’t feel his stare earlier…but you were definitely feeling it now, Mr. Krabs. Suddenly, the same dread you got when anticipating a jumpscare resurfaced. A sinking pit in your stomach like a rabbit stumbling upon a fox—Cliché aside, you fucked up. And you knew it in your bones the second your eyes locked with his, void of fondness and full of hunger despite his plate being half-eaten.

He swallowed the bit in his mouth, then spoke. “Sure ‘bout that?”

You mouth moved, floundered even, but nothing would come out. And Osamu didn’t rush you either, if anything he gladly watched you struggle while he continued munching away. “I—..I-I mean..I was just saying. Because…y’know, you never…we never really-”

“Mm. Jus’ cause we usually take things slow doesn’t mean you can’t get a hole fucked into your mattress, sweetheart. Keep tryin’ ya luck, ‘nd ya just might. Finish eatin’ first, though. Ya gonna need your energy.”

SAKUSA couldn’t give a flying fuck about the list. He would literally walk away from someone mid-conversation if said topic got brought up. And don’t think that you’re the exception, either—Man parked and got out of his OWN CAR during the drive back to his place, refusing to get back in until you dropped the subject entirely.

“Omi-”

“No.”

“C’monnnn.”

“No.”

You giggled, “I won’t talk about it anymore, I promise.”

He had his back to you as you spoke through the rolled down, driver’s side window, trying to ‘pspspsps’ him back into the car like a stubborn cat. Sakusa knew he was being ridiculous, but he just couldn’t stomach anymore nonsense. Plus, there’s a bit of suspicion on his end whenever it came to talking about the accursed list—Sakusa saw it as a bad omen.

Anyone who talked about it within his circle, be it teammates or personal friends, miraculously found themselves posted up the following day like fresh meat on the market. Once he caught wind that not even taken people were spared from being thirsted over, his disdain merely amplified, as did his precaution.

“Baby, I’ll burn some sage back at your apartment to scare away the bad energy from my filthy words. Would that make you feel better?”

Sakusa huffed, looking over his shoulder to give you a good ole stank face—One you barely paid any mind to as you batted your lashes at him. He glitched. Had it not been for the mask he was wearing, you’d see the harsh flush that spread across his face. Too bad his neck was exposed, giving him away as you grinned knowingly. But, you weren’t about to distract him from the issue at hand, you temptress.

“Don’t patronize me. Besides, you didn’t say it at my apartment, you said it in the car. Would completely defeat the purpose.”

You blinked.

There was no stopping the laughing fit you fell into when his words eventually processed, borderline cackling. “I-I’ll sage the car then, how ‘bout that?”

The ravenette squinted, marching up to the car to stick his head in before pulling his mask down so you could see his heavy frown through your tearful hysterics.

“You’re laughing. You’ve doomed me to becoming targeted by perverts, and you’re laughing.”

“‘yoomi, PLEASE.” You wheezed, waving a hand at him for mercy. With a couple stuttered intakes of air, you did your best to pull it together. “Don’t you think…you’re being a little paranoid?”

Amusement colored your features when you made eye contact with the outside hitter. Sakusa rolled his, tugging his mask back on before re-entering the car. “We’ll see how funny you find it when we can’t be seen together in public anymore.”

“And why not?” You raised a brow, still giggly.

Sakusa buckled in, taking the car out of park. “Because. When I do get posted, I won’t be leaving the safety of my room until that shit gets banned.”

“Oh my god, honey, I promise. You’re worrying over nothing. If you were gonna be on the list, don’t you think you would’ve by now? I mean, c’mon, even Hinata got on it before you. Majority of your teammates did!”

“That’s exactly my point. I’m the only one left.”

The two of you continued a playful back and forth pretty much the whole drive, more so you teasing him than anything else. After a while, having had your fun, you gave it a rest much to Sakusa’s relief. “Can still burn some sage, if you want-” “You’re not funny.”

Your evening continued on as normal, him taking a shower while you busied yourself by looking for a show the two of you could binge. Although, even after the discussion from earlier had been dropped, your boyfriend’s words still echoed in the back of your mind like a mantra. ‘I’m the only one left.’

As much as you’d hate to admit, though never to his face, your over-suspicious companion had a point. Without the safety net of his more extroverted teammates being in the spotlight of rabid fans, what’s delaying the swarm of unsolicited desires now? Even with his sourtude, Sakusa was an attractive individual—The dark curls that frame his face perfectly, his piercing pools of obsidian that shred through you like paper, the beauty marks above his brow, his THIGHS. And those were just surface-level things.

Being one of the privileged few who’ve seen all layers of Sakusa, you couldn’t blame them for wanting to explore deeper into who he was beyond that cold exterior…in more ways than one. Who better to fill those burning questions than some horny randos with too much time on their hands?

But, he’s made it this far without issue, what’s there to worry about now?—*Bzzzzt*

You jolt slightly, the harsh vibration coming from the sofa table breaking you out of your thoughts. With a short glance at your phone, the lit screen revealed an incoming call from Sakusa’s cousin, Komori. You exhale a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding, reaching over to grab the device and answer it. However, as your thumb hovered over the green button, a small part of you couldn’t help but wonder…why would he be calling you?

You shook your head, answering the call before your mind could wander. He probably just wanted to catch up, make small talk. A smile graced your face as you happily greeted him, “Mori! Hi, what can I do ya for-?”

“Has he seen it?? Am I too late??”

You froze, blinking widely in stunned confusion. Your silence must have been loud enough for the man to grow more anxious, calling out your name to regain your attention. “Uh…has who seen what?”

Komori exhaled, in what you could only assume was relief. “Thank God…you sound blissfully unaware. That means there’s still time. You’re at his place, right?”

You blinked, eyes looking around as if he could see you.

“Kiyoomi’s? Yeah, I am. He’s in the shower at the moment if you were trying to reach him. Is everything okay?”

Now it was him who turned silent. You waited with bated breath, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt as you wracked your brain for every worst case scenario…but a small part of you already had an idea.

“It’s the complete opposite, I’m afraid.”

‘Kiyoomi Sakusa. 6’2ft of ?????. An enigma. We had to take our time this one. This tall, personification of a hand sanitizer bottle may appear to be disgusted and disinterested, but once you get past those disinfectant defenses of his…Lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed. Why else would he keep so clean all the time? It’s ‘cause he’s hiding an absolute FILTHY ANIMAL behind his mask (literally and figuratively) you cannot convince me otherwise. Definitely a Hard Dom, would degrade you for making a mess all over him even though he’s the one to blame; THRIVES when you get messy for him tho. Firm believer that he’d spit in your mouth, both as punishment and a reward. He won’t make much noise, you’ll think he’s doing taxes while deep in your guts, but just watch his face; homie is EXPRESSIVE. Aftercare could go either way, but he’d probably focus more on getting the sheets changed than cleaning you up. 7/10.’

You clenched the phone in disbelief, eyes watering due to the sexual word-vomit burning them the more you read on. It didn’t even take you long to find the dreaded post you were convinced would never manifest, refreshing the page multiple times just to confirm its existence. “Shit. I really did doom him to being targeted by perverts…”

“Huh??” Komori voiced. You merely brushed it off.

“Nothing,” you sighed. Taking the conversation out on the balcony in case Sakusa overheard, you had Komori on speaker as you attempted to do damage control. “Do the others know about this? Oh God, does Atsumu?? Knowing him, he’d surely jump at the chance to tease Omi with something like this.”

“Dunno. Just found out myself, and you were the first person I thought to call.”

You looked over your shoulder, peeking inside to see if the outside hitter was roaming around. There didn’t appear to be any movement, but there’s no doubt he finished showering by now.

Exhaling, you began sifting through your contacts. “We need to do whatever it takes to make sure he never finds out about the post. I’ll text everyone I know to help flag it down, but I’m not sure how long it’ll take before-”

“Who’re you talking to?”

Startled, phone nearly tossed off the balcony, you turned toward the sudden appearance of your freshly washed boyfriend, towel around his neck and adorned in lounge wear. Komori held his breath, as if he also were caught in the act even though he could easily escape with a mere press of a button. “Um…your cousin.”

“Okay, but…why’d you come out here? You wouldn’t have disturbed me if you took the call inside.” Sakusa raised a brow at your stiff posture, perplexed but concerned. “Something the matter?”

“No!” You winced at your own volume. His eyes widened slightly, making you nervously chuckle. Clearing your throat, you attempted to play it cool. “No, uh…just wanted to get some air while catching up with Komori, that’s all. W-why d’you ask?”

Sakusa squinted at you. “You’re jumpy.”

“J-Jumpy? Me? Uh.. that’s because…” Searching your brain for an excuse, luckily Komori had your back with his quick thinking.

“B-Because! We’re talking about the list! And t-they figured you wouldn’t wanna hear us, so-” SLAM!

Before he could even get the rest of the explanation out, Sakusa had already closed the sliding door. You and Komori shared a sigh of relief. You watched Sakusa’s back retreat into the living room as he sat on the couch, flickering around for something to put on to pass the time.

Just as suspected…still paranoid.

“That was close…”

“Super close. Think he bought it?”

You groaned, hesitant to take your eyes off him. “Won’t matter if he decides to check his phone at some point…”

It didn’t appear to be anywhere in sight, hopefully charging in another room. But, there was no point in wasting time worrying about that. You had some flagging to do. And as long as he had no reason to look at it, you’d be fine.

Sakusa, now bored with you occupied by something else, couldn’t help but to watch you longingly from the couch. You were speaking so animatedly, using your free hand to gesture, pacing back and forth. He frowned—How can that stupid list be more important than snuggling up with him? Yet another reason to hate it.

Exhaling through his nose he leaned back on the sofa, remote in hand as he looked for something to help pass the time. However, before he could get very far in his search, his phone rings.

Confused, he reached into his pocket. Instantly, his mood went from neutral to shriveled when he read the caller ID—Miya.

He had half a mind to ignore it, but knowing Atsumu he’d probably just keep calling until the inevitable happened with him turning up on his doorstep. Sakusa gave an annoyed huff, reluctantly answering the phone.

“Better have a good reason to be calling me this late, idiot.”

“Oh ho ho. Believe me, Omi-Omi. You’ll wanna see this.”

Back on the balcony, after the sixth time flagging the post for misinformation and harassment, you suddenly felt a shift in the atmosphere that wasn’t there moments before. Halting your frantic thumbs, you slowly looked up from the screen as a cold chill ran up your spine; something didn’t feel right in the force.

You weren’t sure what made you turn back to look inside the room, but the moment you did…it was like the world had gone into slow motion—Komori’s voice faded into the background as he called out your name, drowned out by the sound of your heart pounding through your ribs at the sight of Sakusa on his phone, face contorted into what could only be described as pure humiliation as he stared into the endless abyss while on his knees.

Probably should’ve burned that sage when you had the chance.

#🍁wasabi #‼️PT. 3‼️#*posts it and runs*#hq #hq scenarios #hq smut #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu smut #hq osamu #hq sakusa #the fuck-it list

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hornyfor-redacted-onmain · 2 months ago

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You, Me & My Boyfriends

Pieces of My Heart - Chapter 18 Stray Kids OT8 x reader, Soulmate AU

Masterlist | Next Part

The JYP building felt like something out of a movie. Or a dream. Or both.

The hallways seemed never ending, all branching out from one main area and filled with doors on both ends. The small kitchen area near the elevators was nice, you had to admit. You were never far from a coffee machine, or a studio, or a small circular table with plastic chairs to sit in.

It was one of those notoriously uncomfortable chairs (seriously, the company was worth millions. They couldn’t get comfortable chairs?) that you currently find yourself anxiously shifting around on, trying to look normal. You weren’t doing a very good job, judging by the curious look a passing girl gave you as she made her way to the coffee machine, picking up a cup with perfectly manicured hands and swiping long glossy hair over her shoulder- holy shit! Was that Sana?

Sana, THE Sana from Twice, poured a cup of coffee as your phone vibrated noisily on the table in front of you. You frantically picked it up to quiet it, catching the idol’s eyes once again. She smiled at you in amusement, and you flushed.

Oh my god she was so pretty.

Felix Img.png

It took you an embarrassingly long time to focus on the image Felix had sent you long enough to realize it was a meme, and by that point the lounge/waiting area (you weren’t even sure what to call it) was once again empty. You wanted to bang your head against the table.

You checked the time once again, making sure that the 15 minutes Seungmin asked you to wait hadn’t passed by already.

Nope, only 9.

When the singer had asked you out on a date, you assumed it would be similar to your outing with HyunLix. He’d pick you up, you’d go do something, and then you’d head back to the apartment afterwards. But he was determined to take you out before any of the others, and with both Jeongin and Changbin fighting to have you on their next free day, he had to reschedule your plans.

That meant the very next day, apparently.

You had woken up to a cryptic message telling you to be ready by noon. It wasn’t until you were being picked up by a company car that Seungmin finally admitted he wanted to take you out to eat on his lunch break. He had an hour, and he asked you to be there just before he got off to make sure he was with you every possible second.

However, that did mean you had to wait until he was actually free. He said it would be 15 minutes.

You check your phone again with a sigh.

10 minutes had passed. 5 more to go.

This time you actually did let your head drop softly against the table. The sound of the elevator dinging made you quickly sit up straight, trying not to look at off as you felt.

The entire company building made your skin crawl. You weren’t sure if it was the overly formal language used by the staff members in the building, or the crisp white walls of those never-ending hallways, or just the perfect beauty radiating off every person you saw. You just didn’t fit in. It felt wrong for you to be there, like you were somehow contaminating the place.

“Excuse me. Are you waiting for someone?”

You froze, shifting your wide-eyed gaze slowly to the girl standing next to you. You hadn’t even noticed her approaching.

“Ah, yes!” You winced at how loud your voice had come out. “Sorry. I’m waiting for … a friend.”

“Oh. Who are you waiting for?”

You hesitated, not sure if you should even be talking about this. Chan had reassured you that the company had been made aware of your existence, and that you had access to the building if you needed it (you were given a guest id card and everything), but you were never told just how much the company knew. Were all the staff aware? Other idols? Just their managers?

“… Kim Seungmin,” You finally said.

You figured it would be fine. Seungmin surely had friends, right? It wasn’t like you had introduced yourself as his soulmate, or girlfriend.

The girl gave you a forced smile, nodded her head, and then made to follow the group of girls that had come of the elevator. When she reached her friends, she whispered something that made all of them laugh loudly, two of them even turning back to look at you with smirks on their faces.

Your stomach dropped.

God, you felt like a kid in high school, having just fumbled the bag with the popular girls. It was all kinds of wrong.

You couldn’t have been more relieved when Seungmin appeared, down to the minute. They must really take those lunch breaks seriously.

“What could be so important that it takes an entire day,” You wondered as the two of you got into the elevator.

“I’ve been recording an OST song,” Seungmin said, his lips pulling up into a pleased smile. “They wanted me to sing the song. They actually asked for me.”

“Seungmin!” You squeezed his arm. “That’s amazing.”

“It’s a little last minute, so I have to get the recording done today. That’s why I didn’t have a lot of time.”

“Oh, honey. We can reschedule this date for when you’re not busy. This is important!” You urged him, suddenly feeling guilty about pulling him away from such a great opportunity.

The doors to the elevator opened, and Seungmin pulled you out into the lobby without a care. “You’re important too. And don’t worry, I’ll take you out on a real date someday. We’ll go to dinner at some fancy restaurant, get all dressed up and make the others jealous.”

“Right, because that’s what really matters, doesn’t it,” You joked. “Making the other’s jealous.”

Seungmin faltered slightly. “Well, no. Of course not. It’s just … a bonus.”

You rolled your eyes. “Uh huh. That’s why you’re taking me out on your very busy schedule, just so you can say you got to do it before the other’s. Right?”

The streets were getting crowded the further the two of you walked. For a second, you let go of his hand to walk behind him, making room for people walking in the opposite direction. As you turned down a street with less people and more room to breathe, you glanced at your soulmate.

Seungmin’s face mask prevented you from seeing whatever expression he was making, but you could tell that something was wrong. His forehead looked tight, his shoulders tense. You reached out to grab his hand again, but besides a quick glance at you, he didn’t seem to react.

You stopped completely, the motion causing him to be tugged back in your direction. Seungmin sighed.

“What’s wrong,” You asked him.

“I’m sorry.”

You let out a laugh. “What?”

“You deserve better than a rushed date pulled together last minute. I just … I don’t know. I hated how everyone seemed to have a moment with you. Just … I don’t know. I wanted something that was just for us, something I could talk about when the others start to talk about you.”

“The others talk about me?” You wondered. Seungmin shot you a look, and you sighed. “Seungmin, honey. Have you ever thought that maybe you might be the one who’s jealous?”

“Maybe,” He murmured. “I just feel … yeah. Fuck. Maybe I am jealous.”

There was something more there, something that made you prod at him just a little further.

“I don’t think this is just about me, is it?” He shook his head. “Seungmin, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. Remember how we talked about this, before? That if any of us had a problem, we needed to communicate? That’s the only way this thing is going to work.”

“I know. I just feel like-“ He took a deep breath, pulling you close by your still joined hands. “Sometimes I feel like we did all of this wrong. You moved halfway across the world to be with us, all because of this stupid soulmate bond, and yet we treat you like you’re an accomplishment. A goal. You were an idea all of us held, a hope we had, and I think we forget sometimes that the idea of you in our head isn’t the actual you.”

You felt yourself looking down in shame. As he began to talk, you found yourself realizing that you had been treating them much the same way. The idea of Stray Kids, the idea that you had in your head of who they were and who you wanted them to be, always seemed to be stronger than the men you actually knew.

The man in front of you right now, clouded by an idea.

You shook your head. “Maybe your right. But that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. You’re still getting to know me, you know. And I’m still getting to know you. We have to figure this out at our own pace, you know. The whole soulmate bonds just … sped things up.”

“If I was actually trying to get to know you, I wouldn’t have taken you out today. I would have waited until I could actually spend time with you,” Seungmin pointed out.

“Yes, you would have,” You agreed. “So, you made a mistake. You let your jealousy guide you and rushed into something just for the chance to say you did it. It was stupid.”

Now it was Seungmin’s turn to hang his head in shame. You nudged his shoulder gently. “But who hasn’t made a stupid mistake? You realized what you did, at least. And I’m here now, so you might as well use the time to do something about it.”

“Like what?”

You pulled him forward. “Let’s go to the café. I’ll order something, and you can remember it for the next time I ask. And we can just sit down and talk. Not as a date. Just two people, getting to know each other.”

Seungmin squeezed your hand. “Isn’t it a little late for that? I mean, we’re not just two people. You’re my girlfriend.”

“And you’re my boyfriend,” I agreed. “No take backs.”

“Getting to know my girlfriend. Properly,” Seungmin laughed. “Okay. Still seems a little backwards.”

“I have 8 soulmates. This was never going to be normal,” You pointed out.

“You’re right.”

“I usually am.”

He shot you a smirk. “Right, okay. Not letting it get to your head, now, are you?”

“Never!”

The two of you laughed, walking down the street hand in hand.

-0-0-

You let out a sigh, carding your fingers through Jeongin’s hair. The maknae had fallen asleep on you when you came to visit the dorms earlier than evening. After your ‘not date’ with Seungmin, you decided to drop by and see what the other boys were up to.

Hyunjin had been painting, inviting you to join him, but your clothes were far too nice for you to risk getting paint on them, so you had given him a rain check. Chan and Changbin had gone to the gym, and Hyunjin had informed you that Jisung was in the other dorm, which is where you had headed next. You weren’t sure if Jisung actually was there, or what the other boys were doing, because Jeongin had stolen you the moment he had opened the door for you.

“I haven’t gotten to spend time with you since you got back. You’re mine now.”

And that’s where you found yourself, resting against the living room couches with Jeongin fast asleep with his head in your lap. There was a show playing on mute on the tv, but you weren’t paying attention.

That was how Felix found you when he came out of his room, beaming as he spotted the pair of you. “Hey, when did you get here?”

“’Bout an hour ago,” You mused. “I’ve been busy.”

“I can see,” He teased, leaning close to kiss you. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“If you’ll have me.”

“Anytime.”

Jisung and Minho were the next to emerge, both of them looking soft and cute with their messy hair and rumpled clothes. Judging by the red mark on Minho’s cheek, you guessed that they had been napping, and you smiled in amusement as Jisung spotted you. His eyes went wide, his hands immediately jumping up to his hair. He squeaked out your name in surprise.

You almost laughed when he turned around and ran back towards Minho’s room.

Minho himself didn’t seem bothered to be seen all messy. He leaned forward, just like Felix had, and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. “Hey. How was your date with Seungmin?”

“Our ‘not-date ‘was great. Thanks for asking.”

Minho mouthed the words ‘not-date’ in confusion, and you didn’t know the words in Korean, so you weren’t sure how to explain it to him, but he didn’t ask. Instead, he shrugged it off, sitting down on the armchair next to you.

“Well, I hope you enjoyed your relaxing day out, because things are going to get hectic tonight.”

You raised your brows. “Oh?”

Jeongin grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like Mario Kart. It took you a second to realize that he actually had said Mario Kart, and that the hectic thing Minho was referring to was a competition.

Your grinned. “Oh, I’m going to smoke you guys.”

“Good luck!” Felix yelled from the kitchen. “I’m undefeated babe!”

“Not for long!” You yelled back.

“He lie,” Jeongin said in english, finally lifting his head up with his eyes still closed. His hair was adorably smushed on one side. “Felix is the worst.”

“Shut up Maknae-ah!”

You giggled, and the boys gave you fond looks that made your chest all warm and bubbly. You guessed it didn’t matter if there were any problems, or whatever the future decided to throw at you. You would get through it together, just like you always did.

-0-0-

Felix was actually a lot better at Mario Kart than you thought. But that didn’t change the fact that the little minx spent half of the game cheating. Distracting Changbin during his turn, ‘accidentally’ unplugging Chan’s controller, and even going as far as to pull you into his lap when it was your turn.

He kept his hands to himself, didn’t move you or try to sabotage you in any way, but just being able to feel his warmth at your back made it hard for you to concentrate. It was only because you were up against Jisung and Minho (who were targeting each other) and Minho (who was driving in the wrong direction – probably on purpose) that you managed to get 2nd place, only beaten by an unfortunate blue shell close to the end.

Even after handing off the controller to Felix behind you, you still felt nervous. Your heart was beating hard in your chest, but it felt good somehow. Even after going on a date and having the ever-loving life kissed out of you, it was the simple action of his arms wrapping around you and leaning his chin on your shoulder that gave you the worst case of butterflies ever.

Chan was giggling in his chair, smiling behind his hands as your feelings hit him too. You were glad the others were too busy yelling and arguing at the screen to notice.

-0-0-

Out of all the people to call dibs on getting to spend the night with you, you were somehow surprised and yet not surprised when Minho was the first to bring it up. He of course made his claim in the most gentlemanly way possible, asking you if he could spend the night, but you caught the looks some of the boys gave him.

He looked almost smug when you agreed.

“Don’t let him corrupt you,” Chan teased, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “And at least try to get some sleep.”

You smacked his shoulder, and he weaseled his way back with a laugh. “Get your head out of the gutter you little shit.”

“Who knows, they might be a good influence on Minho-hyung,” Seungmin pointed out.

Minho flicked the singer on the forehead. “Watch it puppy.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Seungmin said, sticking his tongue out. Minho grinned, all teeth. It was such an odd sight that it had everyone taking a step back just out of habit. Seungmin shivered. “Never mind.”

The boys were either all getting ready to leave themselves, or in the case of the maknae’s, heading off to their beds. Hyunjin and 3rachas joined you and Minho in the elevator. Already growing tired, still not used to the time differences and the boy’s late schedules, you found yourself easily accepting Changbin’s hug as an excuse to rest your head against his shoulders. He was warm, and you felt safe in his hold. It was almost disappointing when the elevator reached their floor, and he had to let you go.

As the others started to leave, Jisung was still holding Minho’s hand. Chan was the first to notice the young rapper wasn’t following them.

He stopped at the elevator opening, preventing it from closing. “You coming, Hannie?”

Jisung gave him a devilish smile. “Nope!”

“Yah! That’s not fair!” Changbin yelled.

“And here I thought my boyfriend and I were going to have a nice relaxing night with each other,” You mused, exaggeratingly shaking your head. “But really, I’m just playing third wheel to Minsung. What a tragedy.”

“You can come sleep with me tonight,” Hyunjin offered, wagging his eyebrows at you.

“No.” It was all Minho said, but that, combined with the way he pushed Chan away from the doors, was all he needed to stake his claim.

Jisung reached out and grabbed your hand with his free one, pulling boy you and Minho closer until he was squished in between the two of you. He grinned. “I think I’m the real winner here.”

You snorted hard enough that it hurt your throat. “First sneaking in with me and Chan, and now you want to join in on me and Minho. I’m starting to think you’re trying to steal me away.”

Jisung hummed. He let go of Minho, just as the elevator beeped to tell you that you have arrived to your floor. You didn’t expect him to suddenly pick you up, throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and you let out a squeal. You felt a hand slap against your ass.

“You’re going to wake the neighbors up, Jagi,” Minho said.

As Jisung spun around and began to walk towards your door, you did your best to flip off Minho. He just smirked. You offered your key when asked, mostly because you wouldn’t put it past them to try and get it out of your pockets themselves.

Your apartment was small enough that it only took a few steps in before Jisung reached your bed, leaning over so that he could place you down gently, and you reached up to grab his shoulders and prevent him from pulling away. He giggled.

Minho closed your front door, flipping the lights on so that the three of you could see. Jisung allowed you to pull him down next to you, and you didn’t even care that you were both still wearing your shoes or that his elbow was pressing against your ribs, because you were still buzzing from the great day spent with your great boyfriends.

It felt almost unreal to still call them that.

“You two better not fall asleep like that,” Minho warned you, having taken the time to remove his shoes, and now unbuttoning his pants.

You closed your eyes out of habit. “What are you doing?!”

“I’m not going to sleep in jeans. They’re uncomfortable,” He told you, almost like it was obvious.

Jisung smiled against your collarbone. “I think you’re embarrassing them.” He lifted his head slightly. “Are you embarrassed?”

“Shut up,” You snapped back.

After a moment of thinking, you leaned back onto your back and began to unbutton your own pants, shimming them down your legs. Jisung inhaled deeply next to you, his own eyes wide and darting down your body and then back up in panic.

You grinned. “What’s the matter Sungie? Embarrassed?”

His eyes narrowed.

It was almost a competition between the three of you. Or, well, the two of you, really.

Minho had disappeared into your bathroom, and you could hear the sound of him brushing his teeth as you and Jisung finally got rid of your shoes and began to undress. But you felt like you had a significant advantage over your boyfriend, judging by the way his eyes lingered on your body.

Not planning on sleeping in just your underwear, you did actually end up throwing on a soft shirt you had been using for years, perfect for sleeping in. You and Jisung then joined Minho in the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed, and while it was tight enough that the three of you had to be careful not to elbow the other’s as you moved around, it still managed to fit you all just fine.

Getting under the covers, finally ready to sleep, allowed any remaining tension in your body to float away. You let out a soft sigh.

“Sweet dreams,” Jisung muttered from behind you, wrapping his arms around your stomach like a cocoon.

From his other side, Minho’s hands just barely managed to wrap around your arm, giving it a soft squeeze. “Good night.”

You smiled. “Good night.”

You fell asleep quickly after that.

_o-o_o-o_o-o_o-o_o-o_o-o_

Taglist is in progress! Let me know if you want to be added. Still figuring this out so sorry if it doesn't work

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serverusslaype · 1 year ago

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Shameless, pt. 14

Severus Snape x professor!reader fic

Masterpost & other things!

hello.... this is a shorter chapter than usual, but i thought i'd use it to sort of flesh out the idea of what is currently going through their minds! pls forgive me </3

the majority of this chapter is smutty. i will say that. so i do apologise to the readers who don't enjoy reading such things :(. i will mark it with the usual big red *.

i hope you guys are happy and healthy because that's what we love to see!! did you have a good halloween? i dressed up as sexy Snape lmfao.

warnings: smut, slight degradation?, tiny bit of bdsm idk? help, (like it's so so minor, trust me) MINORS DNI!!, angst at the end so pls prepare yourselves im sorry

"Again." Severus demanded, his voice strict and firm as he watched you from his desk, practicing the Patronus charm with a heaving chest. You were growing immensely tired at this point, however, Severus was not yielding. He was determined for you to learn this charm whether you could handle it or not. Your safety was his priority.

Beads of sweat trickled down your temple as a deep sigh left your parted lips. "I'm trying, Severus," You whined, wincing a tad as your muscles began to ache. You'd been at this for almost two hours straight now, and your body was beginning to pay for it. "I don't know why it's not working, this memory worked with Lupin!" A frustrated cry slipped from you as you huffed.

"Perhaps that memory is not your happiest anymore," Severus mused, folding his arms against his chest as he leant against the edge of his desk, observing your tired body. "Has anything happened recently that rivals your previous chosen memory?" He asked with a curious tone, quirking a brow. You glanced at him and swallowed as your cheeks flushed an embarrassingly deep shade of red. The only thing that could have possibly changed was your recent encounter with Severus in his office. In that moment, you'd never felt happier. You'd never felt such a strong, powerful feeling towards another person before - you'd almost confessed your true feelings to him. ...Twice.

"Erm," you coughed, looking away from him, "maybe, I don't know." You said quietly as you stood up straight, brushing your hair behind your ear. A deep chuckle reached your ears as you looked up at Severus with burning cheeks. A devious smirk was painted across his face, and instantly you knew that he knew exactly what had changed.

"Ah," he hummed, unable to contain his proud smile, "of course."

You rolled your eyes at him, groaning slightly. "Took you long enough." Another sigh left your lips again, though this time it was softer. With your eyes glued to him, you took a moment to appreciate how Severus looked currently - the way he leant against the edge of his desk accentuated his lean figure; the black coat that was tugged tightly against his torso complemented his thick, strong body perfectly. You even felt yourself becoming a little... distracted.

"May I ask what your... previous memory was?" Severus asked, standing up from his desk and stalking towards you in a slow manner, tucking his hands behind his back. Your breath hitched a tad as he got closer and closer, his signature scent filling your nostrils as he stopped just a foot in front of you. The pounding of your heart grew louder in your ears as he stared down at you with a curious sparkle in his black eyes.

"It was the, erm, you know when we danced... together?" Your voice was as soft as velvet as you spoke, entrancing Severus as his eyes remained glued to yours. He raised a hand to your cheek and gently brushed the back of his knuckles against it, sending a shiver down your spine. You smiled up at him and brought your hand up to hold it against his.

"That was the happiest moment you could think of?" Severus asked, his brows furrowing together as he frowned at you, evidently confused. Surely, for a sweet, kind person such as you, you'd have a plentiful amount of happy memories to choose from - he was in disbelief that such a small, almost insignificant moment between the two of you brought you so much happiness.

"Yeah," You laughed quietly, pursing your smiling lips as he slowly pulled his hand away from your cheek but kept a hold of your own hand. He absentmindedly played with your fingers, glancing between them and your eyes. "That was a special moment to me."

Severus didn't speak, he kept quiet for the time being, instead savouring the soft moment between the two of you. The corners of his lips gradually tugged upwards into a small smile as he stared at you, quite obviously in awe. You blinked up at him, smiling back, your heart almost bursting at the sweet sight.

As many times as he smiled at you, you didn't think you'd ever get used to it - it was so surreal to see Severus with a smile on his face, and every time you did, you'd melt.

"Alright," Severus sighed gently as he kept his voice quiet. "One more time." He said, bringing your hand up to his lips to kiss your knuckles tenderly. Your smile widened at his action. "Speak it clearly."

You nodded and watched as he released your hand, stepping backwards to give you some space. Taking a slow and deep breath, you focused yourself, pointing your wand in front of you as you envisioned the memory of you and Severus intertwined together on his desk. "Expecto Patronum!" You exclaimed, eyes widening in shock as a spark of blue-white light sprouted from the tip of your wand. It only lasted a few moments, but as you glanced at Severus, you couldn't help but grin at the proud expression painted across his features. "I've almost got it."

"Almost, yes." Severus agreed as his dark eyes flicked to yours, softening. "Well done." He said, a small smile gracing his lips. Your grin brightened, and you stepped towards him, sheathing your wand in your dress pocket.

"It's quite incredible what a good teacher can do." You muttered with a smirk as you folded your arms against your chest, tilting your head as you gazed up at Severus. He arched a brow at you, clocking your rather flirtatious tone.

"I believe your previous words were 'it helps a lot when you have a teacher you like'." Severus said flatly. You were a little astounded at how he remembered something you said to him so long ago.

You cleared your throat awkwardly, "Yes, well, you were rather unlikeable back in the day." You had to fight back a giggle as Severus rolled his eyes at your reply.

"You know, you and your classmates were just as unlikeable." Severus said and took a step towards you, narrowing his eyes. Your breath hitched once more as he was inches away from you. "Burning my cauldrons, destroying my equipment," He drawled with a sharp tongue, cocking his head as he stared down at you; an intimidating flicker in his black eyes. You almost shivered under his heavy glower, your chest tightening and your legs tingling. "Disrupting my lessons." Severus added, tutting. Suddenly, you felt like you were back at school as you stood in front of him, speechless and nervous. He could turn you into a sputtering mess so easily - even with just one look you were like putty in his hands.

"I... you..." You stuttered over your words with fluttering eyes as Severus leaned down into your face, his hot breath tickling your flushing cheeks. Your chest rose and fell in short bursts as your breaths became ragged and wanting, your body instinctively succumbing to him. As you held his gaze, you felt like you couldn't breathe - it was almost like your whole body was being squeezed in a deathgrip, and your mind was slowly becoming clouded with rather distasteful thoughts involving you and him.

"Hmm," Severus hummed deeply, raising a hand to tilt your chin up with his index finger, "speechless, for once." The corners of his lips curled up to form a devious smirk, evidently pleased with how easily he had turned you into a stammering mess. "Suddenly, I remember what peace and quiet means." He added sarcastically, and you turned your attention to the right, attempting to regain your composure.

"Shut up." You scoffed, turning your head back to stare at him, offering a look of disbelief.

"Feeling brave, are we, Miss L/N?" Severus took another step towards you with a wicked smirk, his chest brushing against yours, sending your body into a shivering mess. "That attitude of yours needs to go, don't you think?" His voice was quiet now, yet it still harnessed an authoritative twinge to it, and that only spurred you on more.

"Definitely not." You shot back, testing him. He was clearly playing a game with you, and you wanted to see just how far he would go.

Severus quirked a brow shortly before using his cold hand to grab your jaw gently, but with just enough force to ensure you knew he was the one in charge. You gasped as his cold skin met with your hot skin, shooting a delicious shiver down his spine. An excited tingle rushed through your burning hot body as he squeezed your jaw a tad; brushing his thumb over your bottom lip. Severus's other hand flew to grab at your hip, pulling you taut against him. A short yet sweet moan slipped from your lips at the body-to-body contact, and suddenly, you felt every last bit of self-respect vanish from you as you melted into his addicting touch.

"So disrespectful," Severus murmured, pushing his face towards yours, "perhaps a reminder is in order." He shifted his hand from your waist to your wrists and grabbed them, his lips teasingly brushing against yours. You leant forwards, about to kiss him, and he pulled away, drawing a wanting whine from your parted lips. Even through the dark dimness of his office, he selfishly drank in the beautiful sight of you, gazing at your pretty lips and your flushed, rosy cheeks.

"Sev-," You whined, voice breathless and desperate.

"Quiet." Severus ordered with a stern tone. Instantly, with wide, dark eyes, you shut your mouth. Usually you wouldn't fall so easily to his commands, however, he currently had you following them like a lovesick puppy.

Severus released your jaw from the grip of his hand and cooly retrieved his wand from his sleeve. Your curious eyes fell to his slender and pale fingers as they curled around the obsidian wand, watching on as he teasingly traced the tip of it up the side of your waist and over your ribs, pulling a breathy gasp from your mouth. His eyes flicked up to yours at the sound, his mouth quirking upwards. Your body jerked at the ticklish sensation; goosebumps littering your skin.

Reaching your neck, he pressed it a little harder, trailing it up towards your jaw and leaving a long, pink line behind upon your skin. His other hand, that held your wrists captive, lifted them above your head, and he aimed the tip of his wand at them.

"Fulgari." Severus whispered, and suddenly you felt a rope tighten around your wrists, binding them. You inhaled sharply at the sensation and you glanced up to see that he'd bound your wrists together. As you looked back down, his eyes glittered wickedly, and you couldn't help but feel a bolt of excitement shoot through you. He placed his wand back up his black sleeve.

Before you could say another word, a cold hand had snaked underneath the skirt of your dress and his fingertips inched slowly up your legs, finding your luscious thighs. You let out a quiet cry of pleasure as Severus kneaded your flesh; his thumb dancing dangerously close to your panties. Despite his hand holding your bound wrists, your arms began to ache from holding them above your head - he may have been holding your wrists, but he wasn't holding them up. Severus was merely clutching them in a show of dominance. He shifted the hand underneath your skirt up towards your panties, his index finger curling around the soaked gusset.

"So wet for me already," he groaned, brushing his thumb against the wet material, "little slut." A flash of hunger flickered across his hardened eyes. Severus tugged the material to the side, his knuckles brushing against your wetness, drawing another sweet cry of pleasure from your quivering lips. Severus nearly lost control of himself right then and there, and so he paused for a moment to gather himself.

"Not so brave now, are you, Y/N?" Severus muttered, a devilish smirk crossing his features as he pressed his lips against your ear; teeth nipping at the lobe of it. The way his breathless voice uttered your name almost sent you into orbit, and you had to squeeze your eyes shut to bring yourself back down to Earth.

Severus pressed a cold digit against your clit, a sharp cry falling from your lips as he began to circle it at a teasingly slow pace; your eyebrows shooting together in a show of utter pleasure. Your body trembled as he placed his whole hand underneath your wet panties, pressing his palm against your pussy, an uncontrollable shiver shuddering through your body as the contrast of his cold hand against your burning hot core shocked you like an electric volt.

A breathless moan flew out of you at the contact, your throat beginning to burn from how heavily you'd been breathing. "Fuck!" You hissed, your hips instinctively rocking against his hand; desperate to find some sort of friction. Severus let out an almost evil chuckle and your eyes shot open at the noise. Before you could cuss him out, he dipped two fingers inside of you, curling them swiftly, another tingle of pleasure making you quiver. You cried out at the sensation as he began to pump his fingers inside of you, an unruly amount of moans beginning to slip from your trembling lips. Severus threw his mouth against yours without a second thought, swallowing your moans greedily, diving his tongue into your mouth as if to silence you. You kissed him back harshly, pulling your bound wrists free from his grasp and looping them around his neck.

Desperately, you pulled Severus closer to you with your tied wrists, your knees beginning to buckle as you neared your high. "Hnngh, Sev-," You whined through sloppy kisses, saliva coating both of your lips as you pulled away with a wet smooch, unable to focus on him as he brought you closer and closer to your climax. You felt that familiar feeling build up inside of you like a branch about to snap from immense pressure.

Immediately, Severus's free hand flew to your waist to hold you up as he felt you slipping from his grip, his fingers inside of you picking up quite a quick pace. Your head fell backwards from the overwhelming sensation growing within your belly, and you used your bound wrists in a vain attempt to hold yourself up as they hung around his neck; your spasming fingers digging into his upper back. "Fuck-fuck-fuck!" You cried out as he latched his lips onto your neck, biting and sucking at it like a crazed animal. "Sev, I'm gonna- I'm..." Your thighs squeezed around his hand and your toes curled as you felt that branch cracking, splitting and finally snapping. Your orgasm blew through you like an explosive bomb; your pulsing walls clenching around his fingers as you came. Severus shifted his attention from your neck to your earlobe, using the tip of his tongue to lick at it; his heavy, panting breaths and the rush of your blood being the only two things you could hear.

"Always such a good girl for me," Severus murmured into your ear, and you rocked your hips against his hand again, whimpering at his praise. Gods, it drove you fucking crazy when he called you that. "Gorgeous." He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the spot of skin just below your ear.

As you let your head fall forwards, you nudged your nose against his cheek, prompting him to move his head back to gaze at you. His hungry, black eyes were blown and wide, like a predator hunting its prey. With heavy-lidded eyes, you smiled lazily and leaned in to press a messy kiss upon Severus's wet, swollen lips. As he pulled his fingers out from you, you whined a bit, mourning the loss of his touch. He indulged your kisses, and kissed you back forcefully, his tongue delving past your lips and into your mouth again.

With greedy hands, Severus quickly slipped them underneath your thighs and hitched you upwards, guiding them to wrap around his waist. Your bound wrists still hung around his neck as he leaned forwards slightly, aiming his torso at a forty-five degree angle. You tightened your legs around his waist as his hands left your sweating body to find his trousers; deft and long fingers swiftly unbuckling them and letting them fall lazily around his hips. He quickly tugged down his boxers and lined himself up against your dripping slit, pushing his cock inside of you without another word. You cried out at the fullness and clenched around him, drawing a deep, guttural groan from Severus as his hands found your bum, holding you up as he began to guide you up and down. Strings of needy whimpers and moans left your lips as you tugged him closer with your arms locked around his neck, directing his face to yours. You leaned forwards and crashed your lips against his again, kissing him with such passion and raw need that he almost lost his footing.

You gasped as Severus let you fall down completely onto him. "Jesus-!" You exclaimed and squeezed your eyes shut, your mouth flying open. A wild, strangled moan fell out of it afterwards as your hands tried to clutch onto the material of his jacket upon his back but to no avail.

You weren't exactly sure how you two always found yourselves tangled up with one another each time you were in this very room, however, in this current sticky, hot moment, you couldn't care less. Severus was fucking you like a deranged animal, panting heavily in your ears, your legs burning and aching as they were clamped around his waist. You felt that hotness begin to pool in your belly once more.

Severus pulled away from your lips with a throaty moan as you buried your nails into his scalp, fisting the long locks of his black hair. "D'you know- fuck," he growled as he throttled into you, his voice raspy, "how many times I've fantasised about this? How many times I've touched myself thinking about this moment?" He finished, glistening eyes burning into yours as he stared at you with parted lips. Your lungs felt empty as his words drilled into you, a helpless whimper being the only thing you could respond with. "You're mine." Severus hissed as your brain melted; his cock buried so deep within you that you thought you'd pass out from the immense amount of pleasure that was seeping into your bones; rendering your body senseless.

The way he deemed you his had truly ruined you. You were his. Nobody else's. You knew it from the first moment he had you trapped against that wall a year ago - the second his invigorating and intoxicating scent surrounded you, the way he'd glared down at you with those beautiful yet haunting black eyes, you knew you were fucked. You were never Ben's. He was merely a distraction, perhaps an interlude, if you will. You and Severus were always bound to be together.

And now, you just needed to rid yourself of the parasite named Ben.

"I'm yours," You whispered, lifting your head up to gaze at Severus with glossy, heavy-lidded eyes; a hazy look lingering within them. "Yours." You repeated breathlessly, inducing another deep growl from the man that held you captive with his powerful hands.

Severus's lips curled at the edges as he stared at you, "Smart girl." He muttered, kissing you with a smirk, nipping your lips with his teeth. You squealed as his pace became sloppy and careless, sheathing his whole length inside of you with every thrust. Gods, he was ruining you.

And you loved every second of it.

"Severus," You panted with a sweet moan, tears beginning to burn your eyes as the soul-shattering pleasure was slowly becoming too much to bear. His eyes fluttered as you moaned his name. "I can't-" You sobbed, your toes curling as they tingled, turning numb.

"Yes, you can, you can take it, my love," Severus whispered, kissing your cheek in a tender fashion, silently encouraging you. "You can take me." He added, pressing his cheek against your own flushed one. You felt sweat trickle down your temple as Severus fucked into you ruthlessly, the ever-tightening coil buried in your belly at it's breaking point.

With his gentle words of encouragement, you forced yourself to hold out a little longer for Severus, your throbbing legs tightening like an anaconda around his waist. You were certain that they'd cramp up at any second now. Severus stumbled forwards and one hand left your body to catch himself, his palm landing on his desk. Gently but quickly, he let your bum rest against the flat surface as he continued thrusting into you messily, evidently nearing his climax.

"You're doing so well," Severus muttered against your lips, a hand coming to squeeze your waist, pulling a delightful moan from your quivering mouth. "Doing so good, my sweet girl."

Merlin's beard, you almost lost it right there. Hearing him call you that almost had you tumbling over the edge without a second thought. You felt like you were dreaming at this point - your mind was so hazy and jaded with orgasmic pleasure that you couldn't tell the difference between reality and fantasy.

Was this real?

Gods, you hoped so.

The slaps of your flesh filled the room and you couldn't hold back any longer. You couldn't even form a sentence, let alone mumble a thing as your second orgasm rocked through you, your body jerking as Severus continued to slam into you carelessly, his thrusts quickly becoming abrupt and sloppy. You cried out a strangled string of moans as he filled you up with his thick cock. Severus's spent body leaned over you as he came; the tips of his raven-black locks tickling your flushed, red and sweaty cheeks.

The pair of you remained still, despite your heaving chests and trembling bodies. A toothy, opened mouth grin broke out on your face as you stared up at Severus who was still recovering from the Earth-shattering orgasm that had just rattled through his body. You laughed softly, going to move your hands to cup his cheeks, though you quickly realised that they were still bound together from Severus's spell earlier.

"My wrists," You mumbled, tugging at his neck with a small smile. "Would you mind?"

"Ah," Severus hummed, moving a hand to lift your tied wrists from his neck. He held them in front of him, hesitating for a moment. "I seem to prefer you like this." He joked, eyes flicking up playfully to look at you.

"Don't push it." You laughed, watching as he retrieved his black wand from his sleeve.

A sly smirk tickled his lips as he glanced down at your wrists, pointing his wand at the binds. "Emancipare." He muttered, a content hum slipping from your mouth as you rubbed the sore area of skin.

"Thank you." You smiled up at Severus, finally shifting your hands to cup his flushed cheeks. He looked away from you bashfully; long black eyelashes hiding his eyes like he was too shy to look at you.

Severus cleared his throat, "...You're welcome."

You pulled his face down towards you and kissed him softly, your legs still around his waist, though this time they were resting gently around it. Severus kissed you back, slowly moving a hand to cup your cheek, his thumb sweetly brushing it like it was the most delicate thing in the world. You'd almost forgotten that he was still inside of you, and so as he moved, you gasped; a cheeky smirk reaching his lips at your reaction.

Severus moved his hips again, the hot warmth and sense of comfort that your pussy brought him was addicting - as were the noises that he drew from you. Your brows shot upwards, accompanied with a soft moan as he pulled almost all of himself out of you, before slowly thrusting back into you.

You had to take a moment to breathe before you spoke. "Can't help yourself, can you?" You grinned, pressing another kiss to his lips as he kept a slow pace in you.

"No," Severus muttered against your soft lips, "not when it's you." He whispered, making your heart flutter.

"Not when it's me?" You pulled away from the comforting touch of his kisses, looking up at him with big eyes. He nudged the tip of your nose with his own.

Severus sighed, gazing at you with soft eyes, "You know what I mean."

Before you could say another word, he silenced you with another sweet kiss, and you melted into his touch, any other thought of what you were going to say to him vanishing. Severus resumed his slow, gentle thrusts, plucking another handful of quiet moans from your lips. With every deep thrust, your legs twitched; your body rather overly sensitive from before. Severus noticed your jerks, and he slowed his pace even further, not wanting to push you too far. He adored watching how your body reacted to him, but he knew when you couldn't take anymore.

As the two of you continued to gently kiss each other, your mind was clouding again as you felt his hands caress your figure, thumbs brushing over you. You found lost yourself in the transcendental feeling once more. You gasped as you felt his cool hands slip to the underneath of your thighs, tickling your hot skin; erupting goosebumps.

Severus pulled away for a moment, marvelling at you from above, a comfortable silence encapsulating the both of you as you made love. Your eyes followed him, glazed over his angular face, quietly admiring how gorgeous he truly was. The sheen of sweat that sat upon his skin made him look like a marble statue, and you couldn't help but wonder how you'd gotten so lucky.

I love you, you wanted to say.

I adore you, your mind was begging you to whisper to him.

You opened your mouth a tad, as if to say what you wanted, however, you decided against it. You weren't exactly sure if this was the right time to say something so big, and you certainly didn't want to disrupt this perfect moment. As much as you wanted to praise Severus, just to tell him how much you truly adored him, you couldn't bring yourself to do so. A small, yet sharp burst of pain struck your heart as you remembered how he shut himself off from you when you'd danced together right in this very room, and you feared what he might do if you revealed your true feelings for him. You were almost certain he'd run away. You couldn't exactly imagine him reacting well to it. He... didn't seem like the type.

Little did you know, Severus was also umming and erring on the same idea. It was torture for him. He wanted you to say it first. Could you imagine the chaos if he told you he'd fallen in love with you? Gods, it seemed like the two of you were nothing but fuck-buddies at this point - you were still with Ben, regretfully, and so what could Severus do but simmer in his raging jealousy and bitterness? Sure, he got the good parts of you, but Ben got to call you his. For now. And that's what Severus truly desired. He wanted the honour of calling you his. The two of you might've said it earlier, but you were so lost in the utter raw madness of that animalistic sex that the thought of it being a heat-of-the-moment thing began to plague his racing mind. Why wouldn't you say you were 'his' when his cock was buried so deep inside of you? It'd be fucking awkward if you didn't.

Did you feel the same way about him as he did you? Or was this some sort of lustful fantasy for you? He remembered that you were still with Ben - surely if you felt so strongly about him, you would have ended it with Bluewater as soon as possible. But you hadn't. Maybe this was some sort of fantasy for you. He winced at the thought. Why on Earth did he believe that you'd want to be with some old, grumpy and ugly man like him? He felt like a complete dunderhead.

Severus had fallen in love with you, and now realising it, he suddenly wished that he'd spoken to you about this shit before the two of you fell into such a deep, messy and fucked up rabbit-hole. His love for you was incredibly strong, and ultimately it scared him. In all honesty, he didn't believe he was deserving of having someone care for him, let alone love him. Severus was known to be cruel, unfeeling and rude - so why should he deserve someone as sweet as you? He'd been nothing but horrible all his life, he had even been a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake. And no Death Eater deserved a happy ending. They were known to be awful, heinous people.

As Severus's mind continued to race, he began to doubt if he'd survive another heartbreak. He'd just about managed it with Lily, much less walking in on her lifeless, dead body. That had truly broken him. He dreaded to think about what losing you would do to him.

And suddenly, he felt himself pulled towards the idea of pushing you away, just to save himself the pain.

And you.

Gods, you didn't deserve any of this. Severus was selfish to have even pursued you. But he couldn't help himself - something about you had just drawn him in like a moth to a flame.

"Hey," Your soft voice pulled Severus from his hellish thoughts, and his distracted eyes darted down to your worried ones. "What are you thinking about?" You asked, careful to keep your voice quiet and gentle.

"Nothing, Y/N," Severus muttered, forcing a smile onto his lips as he leant down to press a tender kiss to your forehead. "I think I'm just... tired." He added quietly, and slowly pulled himself out of you. A worried frown took hold of your features as you watched him reach for a cloth to clean himself.

"Oh," You swallowed, trying to fight back the lump that was beginning to form in your throat. Was he running again? You weren't sure, but you were going to find out. You couldn't deal with that heartbreak again, especially not when you were so deep in with him now. "Are you sure, Sev?" You asked hesitantly, suddenly feeling rather nervous. Was it something you did or said?

"Positive." Severus nodded, his cloth-less hand moving forwards to lift up your skirt so he could wipe away any mess that had accumulated between your thighs. You remained silent as he cleaned you, and you noticed that a solemn look had gathered on his face. This wasn't looking good, but what could you do? He wasn't willing to talk about it, clearly, and you didn't want to push him any further than he wanted.

"I enjoyed tonight." You said softly, though it was more as of a way to see what he thought. You kept your eyes on his hands.

"As did I." Severus replied, his eyes avoiding yours, though you caught the end of a small, sad smile upon his lips. Everything he was doing wasn't pointing to something good.

"I suppose I should head back," you forced a smile onto your face, "it's getting late." You hummed, glancing at the clock on his wall. Almost quarter to eleven o'clock at night. That smile soon fell as you watched Severus stand up straight, his face blank. You adjusted your dress and slipped off of his desk to stand in front of him.

"Yes." Was all he said, though his eyes said something entirely different. They looked... sad.

"...Okay." An awkward smile slipped onto your face as you nodded. Your head was currently spinning. What did you do for him to act like this? You sped through the memories of this evening, from the moment you walked through the door to the exact moment he'd suddenly flipped. Nothing was sticking out, and that worried you. Was it just you? Was it how you looked that randomly turned him off? You suddenly felt very self-conscious.

An uncomfortable silence engulfed the two of you.

A few quiet moments passed before Severus's deep, serious voice pierced through it. "I won't be able to see you tomorrow evening for Patronus lessons. I have a few students in detention."

"Right." You sighed softly, pursing your lips. Your hunch was right - he was distancing himself again. Maybe he just needed some time to himself, and he'd come right. He'd realise that he was being ridiculous, surely.

Severus hummed, silently analysing your stiff body. "I'll send you an owl to let you know when I next have a free evening." You frowned at him, confused and a little hurt.

"An owl? Can't you just come and see me?"

"I have a lot of work to catch up on." Severus said, and noticed how his usual soft tone had vanished, a stern one taking its place. He sighed through his nose as he stared at you, and it suddenly felt as if you were a nuisance to him.

"Have I done something wrong?" You asked softly, not willing to leave without an answer as to why he was acting so off towards you.

"No, you have not," Severus's eyes flicked to the right as he turned away from you, stepping to his desk chair. "Like I said, I'm just tired."

You sucked in your bottom lip, frustrated. "Why are you acting like this?" You questioned him and stepped forwards so you were stood in front of his desk as he sat in his chair. Severus closed his eyes and raised two fingers to massage his temples - a sign you'd come to realise that he was either getting a headache, or becoming overly irritated.

"Acting like what?" He groaned, and your brows knitted together at his behaviour, twisting your features into a sour expression. Severus opened his eyes again, though this time you did notice how red the whites of them were - perhaps he truly was tired. Regardless of whether he was tired or not, he didn't have a right to treat you like some cumbersome student, especially after what had just happened. It felt as if he was tossing you aside like some dirty laundry.

"Sev-," you scoffed and threw your hands against your face, sighing deeply, "how can you be so blind to this?" You asked as you brought your hands down and folded them against your chest. "You're acting like we didn't just fuck on your desk, I mean- you're acting like I just came in here to ask for some sort of tedious favour."

"Save your breath, Y/N," Severus shut his eyes again, obviously not willing to continue this conversation. As he spoke your name, a pang shot through his chest, and he almost winced at the pain. It only reminded him of what ran through his head only moments ago. "We can talk about this another time. For now, I have work to do." As he opened his eyes once more, he kept them glued to the surface of his desk; reaching a hand out to pull an unmarked assignment towards him. All he wanted to do was bury himself in his work.

He doesn't feel the same, your mind suddenly echoed, and your felt your throat tighten as you stared at him. You fell in love with him, but he didn't fall in love with you, and that was that. You'd just become his fucktoy, an outlet for his stress-relief after a hard day at work. A fool, that's what you were. All of those sweet, soft moments between the two of you were nothing but a fantasy, a fake sense of reality, and you'd fallen for it. The pet names, the tender touches... you'd read him so wrong - to you, right now, you believed that Severus only wanted you for your body, and not your heart. You meant nothing to him, but he meant everything to you.

But what about that time when you'd made love? Did he not feel anything towards you then? Was that just some sort of pathetic attempt of him feeling some sort of affection?

With disbelieving eyes, you watched as he proceeded to dip his quill in the ink-pot. "You're kidding, right?" You guffawed at him, blinking as if he'd just told a terrible joke. His jaw clenched.

"Please, just leave me be." Severus's voice was strict, and you could tell that he was very much serious about this. There was no way you could change his mind, and that only hurt you further. Your eyes burned, and your throat suddenly possessed a lump at the back of it.

"Fine." You whispered and inhaled sharply, attempting to swallow the sobs that were so desperately fighting to slip out of your mouth. But you refused to let Severus see your tears. Without another wasted second, you spun around and stormed towards his door, reaching out a shaking hand to grab the handle. You waited for a moment before opening it, as if half expecting Severus to take back his words, and admit how wrong he was.

But, nothing came. No words, no hand grabbing yours, nothing. The only thing you heard was the metal tip of his quill scratching against the parchment on his desk. A raging surge of anger throttled through you like a wild, frenzied animal, and you turned around, opening your mouth as if to berate him. But you couldn't. As much as you despised him in this current moment, you couldn't hurt him. Not with your words at least. Severus didn't even shift a limb to look up at you, he kept his head down, continuing to scrawl away, pretending like he didn't just tell you to get lost after fucking you.

And so you turned back around with a burning throat, wrenching his door open and slamming it behind you with tears in your eyes. It felt like you couldn't breathe as you stomped down the halls of the dungeons, making your way back to your quarters. What the fuck was your problem with going for such deranged, awful men? Did you hate yourself? Is that why you put yourself in these situations?

You couldn't deal with Severus's back-and-forth shit anymore, he'd hurt you more than enough times. Even if you were in love with him, and he wasn't with you, you were just going to have to deal with it. You got yourself into this fucked up mess, and you were going to get yourself out of it.

let me know what you thought, if you hate me im sorry. ITS FOR THE PLOT!!

apologies for the long, long delay of an update, i was just taking a loong break. <3 i hope you guys are doing okay!!

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carlsangel · 6 months ago

Text

EMBARRASSMENT

carl grimes x fem!reader

(negan embarrasses you and carl during the lineup.)

tags: i have no idear but negans in this one and he’s a BITCH

masterlist here!

The Lineup was the worst day of your life. Not only were you practically sobbing for half of it but you were also angry. You were angry, scared, and frustrated.

Before the lineup, you were helping pack up the RV, you were in charge of packing all the medicine and food that Maggie would need for the ride. You’d had a large bag of anything she’d need and you approached the RV and walked up the steps, heading to the bed in the back. You put it on the shelf and turn to leave to be met with Carl.

“Hey.” He puts a jug of water on the floor by the door. “Nervous?” You ask, knowing he’d not gone to Hilltop before and with the risk of the Saviors after the death of Denise, losing tons of people, he was worried. But he refused to show that. “No. Why would I be?” He mumbles, making his way back out of the RV and his tone sort of throws you off.

Before you can think of an answer, Rick instructs Carl to collect guns from the armory, and you decide to follow. You catch up to him and look at his expression, he seems different which is explanatory but you wanted details. “I was just thinking…you’d be worried since…the Saviors? Everything that happened.” You explain. He walks with a blank expression.

“I’m not nervous, I’m not letting it happen again. That’s why you’re not going.” You stop in your tracks and he slows down, looking back at you as if your reaction was unreasonable. “Excuse me?” He turns back around and continues walking. “Don’t just walk away, you can’t just tell me I can’t go.” You try and reason with himself, but he simply doesn’t wanna hear it. He continues walking to the armory.

In spite of that, you went home and started packing. Anything you’d need or anything important for the trip, you didn’t know how long you’d be staying at Hilltop.

When you left the house, you hopped down the stairs, noticing Sasha grabbing from the house’s cabinets. She stops you before you continue out the house. “What was all that about?” She questioned, you assume she and some others had seen what’d gone on with Carl earlier. It sort of threw everyone off, he was never that closed off with you.

You pause before thinking, trying to figure out what’d happened yourself. “I…that’s a good question.” You sort of chuckle embarrassingly, you were thrown off by his demeanor. “I’m sure it’s nothing, I think he’s just…upset about everything.” You continue. Sasha nods. “You’re still going?” She zips up her bag and throws it over her shoulder.

“He’s not stopping me.”

Which he didn’t, he tried his hardest to persuade you but you wouldn’t budge. You wanted to be there in case anything happened, most importantly you wanted to be there for Maggie. It took an entire argument for you to be able to get on the damn RV. “You know they’re out there. I can’t let anything happen to you.” While you understood where he was coming from, it seemed relatively hypocritical.

“You’re being ridiculous, when have we not been able to handle something? If anything happens, we’re getting out alive. I don’t care. I’m going.”

─── ⋆⋅ ꩜ ⋅⋆ ───

Unfortunately, you were in for a rude awakening. Maybe he was right, but you still wanted to be there. Be beside him during everything. You had to be, you had to see it all happen. He believed that as well. Maybe not for you, but he knew he had to see it.

This man, Negan seemed to be a total asshole, the way he had you all lined up for him, his cruel jokes. You had to admit he was a little funny, but now was definitely not the time. He’d been taunting you and the people you called your family for what felt like hours. He threatened you to no end, explaining how your life basically revolved around him now.

Negan paced back and forth, looking between you all. You were angry, you hadn’t cried yet but you were pissed, reasonably so. He was at the other end of the line when he looked in your direction. His sharp gaze made your stomach drop, you knew it was your turn. You look down for a moment as he walked over to you, swallowing hard before looking up at him like his presence was irritating, not terrifying.

He smiles as he approaches, immediately noticing the look in your eye. “Someone’s mad.” He chuckles, looking to the others while gesturing to you with Lucille. Despite your nerves, you were fairly irritated. Your knees felt like they were nailed to the ground, they hurt terribly and it only rubbed off on your attitude towards Negan. “How does a girl like you, get wrapped up with these kinds of people?” You tilt your head at him with a disgusted look. “You’re one to talk. This is my family.” You retort. He jokingly acts shocked at your rebuttal. “Well excuse me! The last time I checked, your people,” he puts Lucille in your face, “…killed a whole lot of my people, completely unwarranted.”

You knew it was bullshit. You knew about their agreement with Hilltop, the sixteen year old boy they killed. But you couldn’t say anything, not now. While Negan spewed bullshit, you looked to Carl for the first time since Negan had noticed you.

He was glaring at him. Something told you this wouldn’t go well, especially for Carl. He was going to say something but you didn’t know what. Negan noticed your attention strayed away from him, god knows he had to be the center of attention all of the time. This prompted him to put Lucille under your chin, directing you to look back at himself. Doing so, the barbed wire sliced the bottom of your chin open, causing you to wince slightly.

“What the hell are you getting out of this?” Carl exclaimed, drawing everyone’s attention. You wipe the blood off your chin with your sleeve, staining the shirt you were wearing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you all hot n bothered.” Negan sympathized sarcastically. “Just leave her alone. Harassing her won’t do you any good.” Carl grimaces at Negan and he can’t help but laugh.

“Wow…” Negan smiles at Carl’s efforts to stick up for you, realizing that he could use it to break him. “So, I’m assumin you two are..well you know.” He suggests. You both look up at him with peevish looks. “I see why. You both got somethin in common.”

You look to Carl and he looks to you. You both avert your eyes back to Negan. “You’re both very, very easy to piss off. I imagine you’ve got a healthy relationship.” He taunts.

“I guess I’m just shocked you got a girl with that eye of yours, I bet you haven’t shown her what’s underneath that bandage huh?” Your eyes go wide at his comment. Carl doesn’t seem to react to it in any way, he was too angry. “The game you’re playing, it’s not gonna work.” Carl remarks. “You’re not gonna win.”

Negan kneels to Carl’s level, boring his eyes into his intently. The rage Carl felt gave him the urge to just kill Negan right there. That’d only get everyone else killed. “I guess we’ll find out.” Negan smirks before returning back to towering over the lot of you.

God, the embarrassment.

a/n: hey guys currently writing this very hungry. anyway i have a final tmr for english and im praying it goes well muehehe IVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO FIND THE MOTIVATION TO WRITE but tomorrow is my last day of school so you guys will get me for about two months HAHAH you’re gonna be so sick of me. also, don’t be worried to send requests even if you think they’re bad, half the time they’re really good so keep sendin them!

taglist: @zomb-1-egutzz @evilnight07 @ilikestrawberriesandwomen

#carl grimes #the walking dead #twd #carl grimes twd #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x fem!reader #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes the walking dead #the walking dead carl #carl grimes angst #twd carl #carl grimes smut #twd fanfiction #rinas writing 🌀

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bxtchycaprisun · 7 months ago

Text

obstinate (6) | a. anderson

summary: you’re a new medic in the WLF base. you’re young, hardworking, and the thing that abby anderson hated the most, stubborn.

notes: fem!reader, medic!reader, protective!abby, soldier!abby, mutual pining, fluffyyy, they are both horny fr, no smut yet but like… you get a little something, manhandling?

taglist: @caitlinisfruity @mattm1964 @liabadoobee @shady-lemur @sweet-lover-girl @novadanversss @paleidiot @ratdungeon @elliesrealw1fe @feelsoseencantdream @mai5mai @thatonementallyillsimp @stunkbiggu @ellabsmasc @vii-v

an: this isn’t my best work and i know this series is probs long forgotten but i still wanted to put this out there! plus there’s a surprise at the end 😚

MDNI!!

after shutting the door gently behind manny, and staring at the wood, abby grins giddily. you were approximately ten feet away, in her room, sleeping under her sheets.

last night, you and her had both given in. you had quit your fighting, you had come to her. and she knew that now it was her turn.

she looks over her shoulder, seeing your figure below the covers, and she sighs. the clock reads 5:51 in the morning.

your face, while peaceful, was still sunken with exhaustion. she walks, her steps gentle and as quiet as she can make them, to your side. once again, she settles beside the bed, against the thin sleeping bag.

she took your hand that was still hanging over the bedside, pushing it silently towards your chest, and pulling the covers up your shoulder.

she turns to the side, leaning up on towards her window. she tugs the blinds down, securing any crooked ones individually with her thumb, to ensure the room was as dark as possible.

she wanted you to sleep as long as you could. she’d let you sleep for days on end if you’d wanted.

she sighs quietly, laying on her back with her hands clasped at her stomach. the sound of your breath coaxes her into the exhausted state she was in only ten minutes ago, and she quickly falls asleep.

. . .

the sun is already shining bright above the stadium when you’re eyes finally flutter open. you groan softly, rolling on your stomach, and clutching the sheets. you nearly fall back asleep when the smell of pine that had been invading your nose all night finally registers in your mind.

your eyes shoot open as you quickly remember where you are, and you sit up. you scan the room with parted lips, your cheeks growing hot as your memories return.

“i want you to stay this time” she had pleaded. and you told her you would. you smile to yourself as you realized you had meant that. most mornings like this would be filled with regret, followed by you silently grabbing your shoes and fleeing.

but not this morning.

you slide to the edge of the bed, eyeing abby’s shelf of cds to your left. as your feet hit the floor and you take your first step, you quickly feel yourself get caught on a firm, warm body.

“oh shit-”you yelp, tripping over abby’s sleeping form and practically kicking her in the ribs as you fall, sprawling embarrassingly across the floor with the groan.

abby springs up completely, her eyes blown wide as she clutches her stomach. her sleepy gaze focus on you, leaning forward worriedly.

“what is it? are you okay?” she asks quickly, reaching out to you as you pick yourself up.

you turn around quickly, your ears ringing from the awkwardness.

“you- you overslept” you quickly stammer, clutching your surely bruised knee from the fall. “its almost ten!”

you expect abby’s face to contort into worry, but it turns into something else entirely. she starts laughing, clutching her tensed stomach and doubling over.

“what?” you question with furrowed brows, your cheeks hot. “abby..”

“sorry im sorry-” she practically snorts, her cheeks growing pink from her laughter.

“you just-” she giggles breathlessly, “you stepped on me.”

“i didn’t mean to!” you whine, still not finding the situation very funny. “i thought you were gone, you were supposed to be gone.”

“i- i got manny to take my patrol” she breathes out, her laughs slowing but a bright grin still tugging at her lips.

“you-” you look away, finally letting out a small laugh. “i’m so sorry, are you okay? i could’ve broken your ribs!”

abby shakes her head, still clutching her stomach as she laughs uncontrollably again.

“i’m fine, i’m okay.” she assures, watching you like you’re the most inexplainable thing to enter her life. which you are.

“you’re so…” she stops, looking away with a grin. she wanted to say something far too endearing, like adorable, or sweet. but she decides on something tamer.

“clumsy” she finishes, shaking her head. “are you okay?”

you let go of your knee, and rub your ankle absentmindedly.

“just bruised,” you laugh weakly once again. “probably less than you are.”

she sits up, grabbing you gently by the arms and pulling you to your feet. you look up at her, brushing your hair out of your face.

“you missed your patrol?” you ask her with a small frown. “why? i would’ve… waited. like you asked”

abby blushes, shrugging her shoulders gently. she holds your wrists in her hands, not wanting to let go.

“manny owed me.” she says simply. “i didn’t want to make you wait. we’ve got important things to do.”

“important things?” you ask with furrowed brows. “like what?”

“like… training you” she says with a coy smile. she finally lets go of your arms after giving them a gentle squeeze.

she adds on to her statement before you can open your mouth, bending down slightly to meet your eyes.

“just… for a little while,” she nods quickly, her voice slightly nervous.

“i may have been.. wrong. with the way i handled things with isaac” she finally admits, pressing her lips together.

“okay…” you say slowly, watching her with careful eyes.

“but,” she sighs with a smile, “i still want to.. give you some pointers. y’know, before i send you out there.”

your eyes flicker up to meet her, lighting up completely, and your lips pull into a beaming smile.

“you- you’re going to approve me?” you ask hopefully.

“i will..” abby breathes, bringing up her fingers to your forehead. she pulls a piece of hair out of your eyes, her touch fleeting but electrifying. “as long as you entertain this. okay?”

“depends…” you start to hum sneakily, watching her reaction. she narrows her eyes, and tilts her head, preparing to insist .

but you quickly smile, laughing to yourself.

“kidding,” you finally assure. “i’ll entertain it. as long as you let me go.”

“i will,” she nods. “i promise you. just give me today. one day.” she takes a step forward, her eyes sincere. “that’s all i ask.”

you smile, your lips pressed into a fine line. after a short moment, you give her a nod.

“okay,” you say gently. “i’ll give you today.”

abby’s face brightens even more, and she rocks on her heels with her shaky palms now clasped together.

“okay,” she repeats back, looking off to the side and up the stairs.

“use my shower,” she nods towards her bathroom door.

you follow her eyes, seeing the full sized bathroom shared between her and manny; a luxury most wolves didn’t have. all of your showers took place in a communal restrooms where privacy was out of the question.

“all my soap and everything is in my room,” you sigh out.

“use mine,” she says once again, trying not to sound too excited about the idea. “i don’t mind.” she adds nonchalantly.

you nod, turning your head and smiling to yourself. but you quickly furrow your brows and look back.

“but my toothbrush-” you start but are quickly cut off.

“don’t worry about it- we’ve got a whole bunch of unused ones in the closet.” she responds, but her cheeks turn pink.

“cause of manny,” she quickly adds on. “he.. has a lot of guests.”

“ah,” you laugh slightly, “and you don’t?”

you immediately regret your question, as you quite frankly didn’t want to know the answer. it wasn’t your nature to be so flirtatious, but with her, you couldn’t help yourself.

“no,” she says immediately, her tone more sincere than the previously playful exchange. “no, i don’t.”

you blush, mimicking her mannerisms and rocking on your heels. you’d never say it out loud, but you were beyond happy to hear her say that. you didn’t want anyone in her bed. that is, anyone but yourself.

“alright,” you breath, breaking away from her as you walk towards the bathroom.

“take your time,” she calls out, watching you as you shut yourself in. as the door clicks, she springs into action, rushing giddily to the kitchen.

. . .

after finishing your far too long shower, you finally shut the water off. it had been a long time since you felt so.. clean, so rejuvenated. in fact, maybe it had been forever.

you groan softly as you dry yourself off, leaning over her ceiling high mirror.

the soap you used smelled like her. you smelled like her. not just from the shower, but from everything. the last night had restored you, and it had been in her room, in her bed. it wasn’t just the sleep that made you feel better, it was abby.

your fingertips run over your bare skin, and you sigh as you feel where her hands had grazed you the night before.

she cups your shoulder, pushing your dazed, and cried out frame backwards on the bed. “you should get some rest,” she mumbles, pulling the blanket over your figure, and waiting for you to lay down.

your skin feels hot, and you let your head fall into your palms.

shakily, she moves closer to you, tilting your face down. she keeps an unsteady hand on your neck as she brings her lips to your forehead.

you sigh out frustratedly into your hands, suppressing the noise into your skin. abby was just outside the door, preparing to train you.

but there was so much left unsaid.

she wasn’t just letting you go on patrol; she was letting you in.

and you were letting her in too.

you hear a small knock on the door, and look over as abby cracks it open.

“clothes,” she calls out, sticking only her hand through the opening.

you smile, chuckling to yourself as you take the fabric from her fingers. she closes the door gently, and you turn back to the mirror.

“fuck…” you sigh out, staring at your reflection. “okay..”

you silently get dressed into the outfit she had given you. the cargos were too big for you, but you belted them securely around your hips. the shirt was soft and loosed. it smelled, once again, of pine. of her.

you both knew you could just go back to your room to retrieve an outfit. yet you didnt. and she didn’t ask you to.

you take several minute to compose yourself before finally opening the door to the bathroom. you are immediately hit with the smell of bacon.

abby peaks her head around the corner, sporting that signature grin you had grown to adore.

“i made us some breakfast,” she smiles, handing you a piece of toast as she flips the bacon.

“gotta get my-” she starts but falters with wide eyes. “-you ready for our day.”

you lean against her counter, watching her as she finished up.

she looked so good. her muscles half flexed as she flipped the bacon, hair loose and wavy, her hardened nipples poking through the fabric of her shirt…

“you’re staring,” she interrupts your spiraling thoughts with a sly grin, turning to meet your eyes.

you’re breath hitches, surprised but also not at her boldness. you shake your head, brushing off her flirtation. baby steps, you thought.

“i- im just starving,” you immediately defend.

she nods, plating the bacon and an unnecessary amount of toast, and handing it over.

“eat up,” she smiles, and you take it gratefully.

you grow oddly silent as the two of you eat, but it’s comfortable. it feels familiar.

the two of you keep your eyes on your plate, both glancing up at each other, yet your eyes never meet. abby’s foot brushes against your ankle. she thinks about pulling away, but she doesn’t.

“so..” she trails off, watching you with a curious and careful expression. “do you want to talk? about last night?”

you pause, furrowing your brows in thought. you knew this would be brought up eventually, but you remained hesitant.

“i don’t know..” you shake your head. “i don’t have much to say.”

“you don’t have to say anything,” she says immediately back, leaning towards you and clasping her hands over the table.

“just.. just know that there’s nothing wrong with you. everyone has a breaking point…” she trails off, frowning. “hell, it’s a miracle you didn’t reach yours earlier.”

you look away, suddenly feeling embarrassed by your unannounced arrival last night, but her voice calling out your name breaks you out of it.

“hey,” she whispers. “i’m glad you came to me. in fact, i want you to come to me.”

she pauses, her tongue rolling on the inside of her cheek.

“you’re my friend,” she finally speaks, her voice slightly caught in her throat.

you watch her with a quivering bottom lip, feeling like you could cry from her words. it had been a long time since you’d had a friend. someone you could go to no matter what.

“thank you,” you whisper, and you both fall quiet again. the window is cracked at the edge of the room, and you sigh as you take in the fresh air.

“so,” you finally break the silence, finishing as much as you could of your food. “what does our.. training consist of?”

“well,” abby leans back, stretching her arms behind her head with a long yawn. “i want to see you shoot.”

“can do,” you nod, “what else?”

abby smiles at your line of questioning, tilting her head as she watches you.

“i want to see what you can lift,” she says.

“uh-” you laugh weakly to yourself. “you won’t be impressed.”

“i just want to see,” she assures, laughing along with you. “i mean- i know you can’t compare to..” she trails off teasingly, gesturing to herself with her large hands.

“oh hush,” you shake your head, “don’t get all cocky on me.”

“okay okay,” she puts her hands up, her eyes never leaving yours.

“anything else?” you sigh out.

“yeah,” she says, a little more slowly this time. “i want you to uh- you know- fight me.”

you’re face gets hot as memories run through your mind.

her knee digs into your thigh, pinning your leg down as she glares at you from above. each of your hands are in hers, sprawled out above your head.

you shake your head, struggling to snap out of it as you look up at her.

“we’ve already done that once,” you reply, almost in a whisper. you keep a gentle smile on your face, but your heart races at the topic. “you don’t need to prove what we both know again.”

“yeah?” she leans forward. “and what is it that we both know?”

you narrow your eyes at her, sighing in slight frustration. even though you were getting along far better than you ever had, you both had the same stubborn and teasing nature.

“abby,” you breath. “just because i can’t- overpower you, doesn’t mean i’m not ready.”

“i know, i know,” she nods, looking off to the side with a sigh. “you said you’d entertain me on this. i’ll play fair this time, i just want to give you some tips in combat.”

you breath in, rubbing your temples gently as you shut yours eyes.

“fine, fine,” you agree. “you’ve got a deal.”

“alright then,” abby smiles, standing up and reaching a hand out to you. “let’s get started.”

. . .

abby had been pleased with your shooting skills out on the rooftops, and even with your lifting in the west gym.

she knew little, next to nothing actually, of your past before coming to the wlf. but she did know you were training to be a soldier in your childhood.

as she walked by your side through the stadium, glancing down at you fondly every few seconds, she finally had the chance to talk to you about it.

“so you came here a few months ago,” she confirms as the two of you converse. “and you came with a group but they all got stationed at unit 10?”

“that’s right,” you nod, staring down at your feet as you make your way towards the field.

“does that- you know- make you sad?” she asks you softly. “being separated from the people you came with.”

“not really,” you reply honestly. “i wasn’t particularly close with any of them. they were sick of fedra, and so was i. we were all helpful to each other on our way here but..”

you trail off, pressing your lips together. “it was just that. they weren’t family.”

abby frowns, looking forward as your words make her chest tighten.

“do you miss your old qz?” she asks.

“most of the time no,” you say simply, looking up at her. “but sometimes i miss the freedom.”

you cross your arms over your chest, padding quietly beside her.

“most of the people i was around weren’t.. good people,” you say softly. “but with that.. there wasn’t any friendship. any real emotional attachment.”

you pause, feeling her watch you as the two of you make your way outside into the cloudy arena.

“you make that sound like a good thing,” she says with a laugh, but her tone was devoid of any humor.

“sometimes it was,” you admit. “made loss a lot easier.”

abby stops walking, turning to you fully as she observes you with a gentle expression.

“is that why you’re so reserved?” she asks softly. “you don’t want to get attached to people?”

you’re suddenly very aware of the sincere tone in her voice. if it had been any other person asking you these questions, you would have fled long ago. you weren’t one to open up, or complain about your past.

in fact, you had it a lot better than a lot of people this day and age. you never knew your parents, or had any family. you never had many close friends, and you never fell in love.

you’re life may have been pretty lonely, depressing even. but it was free of heartbreak. it was free of grief.

you had the feeling abby’s was the opposite. and so did she.

“i don’t want to be reliant on anyone,” you respond simply. part of you hoped that would be the last of her questions, but another part of you begged for her to ask more. you wanted her to pick you apart, bit by bit until she knew you inside and out.

“you can love people without being reliant on them,” she says, but you can’t help but shake your head in disagreement.

“i don’t know,” you whisper, “i think loving is reliant.”

abby smiles bittersweetly, watching as a gentle breeze travels through your hair.

“maybe,” she shrugs. “but it’s worth it.”

you shrug in return, looking up at her.

“maybe..” you repeat back as she takes several steps away from you.

the grass is dewy below your feet, brushing against the too-long cargos that cuffed your shoes. you shuffle backwards as well, looking around at the outdoors surrounding you.

you were still in the base, on one of the few outdoor patches that was left open for training. to your left were dogs, and horses, and ducks shut in stables. and on your right there were yards of garden boxes.

“don’t get distracted,” abby teases gently, watching as your eyes gloss over and take in the scenery.

“sorry,” you smile, looking up at the sky. “i haven’t been out here in ages.”

abby frowns to herself, that familiar feeling of regret settling in her stomach. it wasn’t often she second guessed her decisions, but when it came to you, things were different.

in her attempt to protect you, she somehow missed how unhappy you had been. she was harming you more than saving you. but she was determined to change that.

“okay..” she finally sighs out, going into training mode. “i’m not just gonna- come at you again i swear. i just want to show you some self defense.”

you roll your eyes ever so slightly, finding the whole situation silly.

“you know i’m not completely inexperienced in combat, right?”

abby shakes her head, her demeanor still playful, but also genuine.

“scars fight different than what you were used to. guns won’t be enough. once they get their hands on you…”

“okay okay..” you say with a small groan. “i get it. axes, and torches. show me what to do.”

abby smiles, straightening her back.

“alright,” she nods. “turn around.”

you furrow your brows slightly, but do as your told, turning your back to her.

“i’m gonna… im gonna grab your waist okay?” she whispers, quickly coming up behind you and snaking her fingers just below your ribs.

you shut your eyes, trying to breath steadily as she wraps her strong forearms tightly at your belly button.

“the worst position you can be in is getting attacked from behind,” she says quietly into your ear, causing an eruption of goosebumps to run up your spine.

she was thankful you couldn’t see her face, her red cheeks and forehead glistening with an anxious sweat. the wind whipped your hair slightly against her skin, and she nearly lets out a sigh.

“okay… now if they lift you.. you need to crunch your abdomen and kick your legs,” she instructs. “try it.”

“o-okay…” you stammer, holding your breath as she lifts you like it’s nothing.

“now..” she laughs weakly, her nose against your neck. “pretend i’ve got a dick, kick me there.”

“kick you?” you gasp out, eyes widening at her instruction.

“just- do it gently,” she chuckles. “i’ll be fine, just kick me.”

you bring your ankles up, and slowly bring one foot back down, kicking gently on her right thigh, just beside her crotch.

“good.. good,” she praises, smiling to herself. “you just gotta do that but harder.”

she reluctantly lets you down, her hands sliding away from your waist a little too invasively to be considered platonic. you turn back around to face her, your mouth pulling into a grin.

“and if my opponent isn’t a guy?” i ask.

abby’s expression falls slightly, her lips tightening into a thin line. she knew you were only messing around, but she didn’t like to imagine the idea. to imagine a situation where you wouldn’t be able to fight back.. a situation you couldn’t escape from..

she narrows her eyes, crossing her tensed arms over her chest.

“kick harder,” she says firmly, and looks away.

. . .

the two of you continue your training session for nearly two hours, and abby shows you just about every defense mechanism in the book. how to block, how to kick where it hurts, how to punch without shattering your knuckles.

while she was admittedly pleased at how quickly you caught onto things, the entire situation as a whole was getting her riled up.

she knew that ending this training meant sending you out. something that, while she knew was going to happen eventually, she wasn’t prepared for.

it wasn’t often she allowed herself to truly care for anyone beside her close circle of friends she had grown up with.

she was living in a war, and while she had many great relationships in the wlf, she also had a lot of loss. death was an every day occurrence, and losing a peer, whether that be a familiar grunt, medic, cook, or even comrade, was something abby often experienced.

she had grown used to detaching from the people around her. she was someone everyone could rely on, yet it was rare a loss fazed her.

but you were different.

she liked you, she cared about you. you didn’t fall into the large sum of people she could tolerate to see die, you never had.

you were one of her own now. like nora, manny, owen, and mel. maybe something even more important.

you were hers.

and she wasn’t going to let you go.

“now duck!” she yells, throwing an only half charged punch your way and grinning as you successfully dodge.

“block, now throw!” she had shouted over a dozen times, the two of you maneuvering around each other as abby commands. “good, good girl now back up- back.”

you shuffle your feet backwards, this time not waiting for abby’s cues to start your movements.

duck, block, throw, back.

“you’ve got it,” she smiles, her entire body now shining with a thin layer of sweat, the strands of her braid clinging to her neck and forehead.

“cmon now, i’m done telling you what to do,” she finally urges, panting as she raises her fists.

“show me you can do this.” is all she says before you march forward, successfully dodging her soft hits, dancing around her stance as you push her chest back.

the two of you go silent, the only sounds filling the outdoors being the grass crunching below you and your short bursts of breath. you circle around each other, touching, and pulling, and grazing your dampened skin as you train.

abby’s eyes narrowed, her irises fiery as she leans in. she grabs your belt loop, tugging you a little more aggressively towards her chest.

you’re surprised for a moment, whimpering as she goes to bring a gentle but firm hand to your throat, when you roll away from her grip, using your newly trained skills.

abby smiles at your maneuver, going once again to tackle you, but you’re already prepared.

this was it.

it was time you prove to her that you can do this, that you can be out there.

you weren’t a defenseless medic waiting to be killed off in the field. you weren’t unprepared, or stupid, or reckless.

you were reliable, and strong, and caring, and capable.

and in this moment, you were a girl, now straddling the hips of abby anderson, pressing her face into the dirt with a hand pinning her left arm to the ground, and your booted foot pinning the other, breathing heavily as you feel her racing pulse.

you clench your teeth together, tensing as you notice the buckle of her belt rub enticingly between your thighs. you feel her hips buck, and watch as she groans into the grass.

abby goes quiet, her chest heaving and her face flushed as you finally let go of her cheek, pulling your hands up but remaining on her lap.

she turns her head, looking up at you with a now toothy yet sly grin. she sits up with a grunt, looping her arms around your waist and holding you steadily against her.

and she leans in, her nose brushing against yours teasingly, her pupils focused on your parted lips.

“you’re ready,” she sighs out.

and she kisses you.

. . .

an: only took six chapters 🤷‍♀️

#abby anderson x you #abby anderson #obstinate #abby tlou #abby anderson fic

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fictionalwh0ree · 2 years ago

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golden globes- austin butler

gif creds to @dearaustinbutler

summary: you embarrassingly crash into your celebrity crush at the golden globes and then, by what seems like fate, get seated right next to him.

word count: 1.2k

warnings: none

pt. 2

you clutched onto your long dress, lifting it slightly as you climbed up the few stairs of the golden globes red carpet. the area was filled with people; staff and celebrities, some you knew, others, you didn’t. the clicking of the paparazzi you had just moved past on the carpet was still in earshot and the abundance of cameras everywhere was not helping your nerves. being a shy person who caught a big break and had your life flipped upside down almost overnight, you were left with no time to adjust.

one of the staff began to guide you to the two interviewers who were currently standing alone. you collected yourself and took a deep breath as you walked towards them. you noticed the woman signaling to the cameras. you smiled widely as they greeted you. once past formalities and compliments, they moved to ask you questions about the movie that had gotten you nominated for best actress in a drama motion picture.

finally, the brief interview was reaching its end and they asked their last question.

“is there any celebrity you’re hoping to meet while you’re here?” the woman asked.

“umm,” you began, giggling a little as you thought.

“maybe natasha lyonne. i love but i’m a cheerleader. it’s one of my favourites, and orange is the new black,” you continued, “and also, i feel like this is really basic, but austin butler. i mean elvis was just, incredible. i really admire his dedication to his role and just how much effort he put into making that movie.”

“i agree completely. good luck,” the man concluded.

you gave them both a short hug before walking off and waiting for another member of the staff to guide you into the actual room. you checked in and were given your table and seat number on a paper. you began to walk between the busy tables in search of your own. your head swivelled from side to side as you looked at the placeholders, when suddenly, you crashed into a tall figure in front of you. you immediately stepped back and before he could even turn around, you were apologizing, your cheeks heating up.

“i’m so sorry,” you said, wide-eyed.

“it’s all good,” the man, you now recognized as the austin butler, said.

your jaw dropped slightly as you stared. as if crashing into some stranger at your first golden globes wasn’t embarrassing enough, it just had to be him. not only did you love elvis, but you’d begun to harbour a small crush on the man. yes, you’d said you’d wanted to meet him in your interview, but did you totally mean it? no. especially not this way. you realized that you were staring when a smile began to tug at austin’s lips and he tipped his head forward slightly, waiting for you to speak again.

“i’m really really sorry,” you began.

“i was just looking for my seat and i wasn’t looking where i was going. this is my first time here, not that i didn’t make that obvious enough by crashing into you like an idiot and all,” you rambled, not able to meet his eyes.

“it’s okay, really,” he laughed, “here, let me help you find your seat.”

he moved to stand next to you as you pulled your paper out. his entire left arm was pressed against yours and he held one side of the tiny paper, you holding the other. he leaned down as well, his head now near yours as he examined the paper, squinting slightly.

“you’re in luck,” he said, “i’m sitting at the same table.”

he smiled at you and you smiled back weakly, trying to hide the fact that you felt like you were going to melt out of embarrassment. you followed him as he walked between the tables until slowing down.

“i think our table is right… here,” he said, coming to a stop.

he pulled your chair out from under for you and signalled for you to sit. you did just that and he proceeded to push your chair in before he took his own seat, right by your side.

“thank you,” you said, turning towards him.

“no problem,” he responded.

“i’m y/n, by the way,” you said.

“yeah, uh, i know,” he said laughing nervously, his cheeks taking on a pink tint.

“i watched your movie, it was amazing. you were incredible,” he continued, the compliment making that familiar heat rise to your cheeks yet again.

“thank you,” you said shyly, “i watched elvis, too.”

“did you enjoy it?” he asked expectingly.

“yes! oh my god, yes. i mean, i was always a fan of his music and the movie just made it better. not to mention, you were amazing,” you said.

“thank you,” austin said, his voice deep and thick with a hint of elvis’s accent still remaining.

jerrod carmichael, the host for the evening, called everyone’s attention to announce that the awards ceremony would be starting in five minutes.

“i haven’t met that many people nowadays that were fans of elvis before the movie,” austin spoke again after the brief interruption.

“i love his music. i have a bunch of his vinyls. i don’t really care how many times i have his songs repeated on different albums, i always buy them,” you said.

“you collect records?” he asked, intrigued, to which you nodded.

“so i’m assuming you like old music?” he asked.

“i love it,” you answered, “old rock mostly. elvis, the kinks, hendrix, zeppelin, motley crue, joan jett, y’know? all that stuff.”

“oh wow. you have records for all of them?” he asked curiously.

“yeah,” you confirmed, “do you collect?”

“i started, but i can guarantee your collection is way better than mine,” he said, laughing lightly.

“oh, i’m sure you have a good collection too,” you assured, causing him to laugh.

“no no,” he said, still laughing, causing you to laugh too.

“it can’t be that bad,” you said, smiling widely.

“well considering it’s mostly hand-me-down shitty yacht rock and hall and oates, i’d say it is,” he smiled.

“hey, don’t shit on hall and oates,” you said playfully.

“alright, alright,” he said, an amused look in his eyes, “you’re right, hall and oates is good.”

“that’s better,” you laughed.

“y’know, i’d really love to see your collection,” austin spoke, a hint of shyness in his voice and a pink hue reaching his cheeks again.

“here, i’ll give you my number and we’ll arrange it,” you smirked.

“okay then,” he said, satisfied with himself as he pulled his phone out and handed it to you.

you typed in your name and number, trying to suppress the jitters you had from the fact that you were giving your celebrity crush your phone number.

the lights dimmed and the crowd went silent, marking the beginning of the eventful night, and although you were at the golden globes, you couldn’t wait for it to be over so he would text you.

#austin butler imagine #austin butler x y/n #austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler x you

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hyperfixation-goes-brrr · 1 month ago

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MasterList

#voltron #voltron legendary defender #vld #broganes #takashi shirogane #keith kogane

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k6ivies · 1 year ago

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I have a Lyney request for you, dear author! How about Lyney with a s/o (reader) who upon finding out that Lyney is a Fatuus, is relieved because they didn't know how to tell him that they work for the Fatui too.

Basically a little bit of angst if you squint, because both of them are terrified of what the other one will feel when they found out, but with a happy ending.

(Sorry if this was a bit too specific.)

Here it is!!! I'm so sorry if this took so long! Had fun writing this; thank you so much for requesting btw <3

“secrets under the fontaine sky” — a lyney fan fic

“What do you mean you can’t go on a date? You promised last week.”

Having a magician as your lover didn’t seem so hard, and Lyney was usually making time for you no matter what. But for the past few weeks, he’s been too busy to go on at least one date for a week.

Of course, you were fine with that… at first.

The first two times you asked, Lyney promised he’d go on that date. But he’d always cancel it last minute. And this was the 4th time–you couldn’t take it anymore.

Lyney was standing in front of you, apologetically holding his hat, “Look–I’m sorry, the show has been… time consuming.” His pleading eyes looked into yours, he even seemed genuinely sorry; your heart jumped, yet you still felt mad.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you. Really.” Lyney held your hand with his free hand, rubbing your palm as he lovingly looked at you. How could you stay mad at him when he’s like this?

Alas, you weren’t calming down, yet. “...I’m.. I’m still angry at you! How could you promise things when you’d cancel them at the last minute four times?!-” You sighed exasperatedly and pursed your lips.

Before you could start speaking, Lyney leaned closer, planting a small peck on your lips with his hat covering your kisses from others passing by. You were taken aback.

“...What?” You muttered.

Lyney put his hat on and sheepishly smiled. “Can you accept that as an apology and something I can give to make up for lost time? I promise I’ll go on a date with you next week.” Lyney smiled, holding your hand tight, “Really this time!”

You were silent, still shocked about his kiss despite having kissed him at least 100 times. Your cheeks heated up, and your hand felt embarrassingly sweaty. “Just…”

You paused, looking away, “Just make sure you’re keeping your promises,” you looked at him for a moment, noticing his slightly weary figure. He seemed overworked, yet that same old smile that made your heart jump stayed. So, you hugged him.

“Take care of yourself. I can tell you’ve been skipping a few meals so don’t even think about trying to hide it.” You tightened your embrace and let him go after.

Lyney’s cheeks flushed and he laughed nervously, “I will… oh?” He started to look at your ear, as if he saw something odd. You immediately touched your ears, noticing nothing was off. Was something on your face?

“What’s wrong?” You asked, raising your eyebrow in confusion.

Lyney hummed playfully, booping your nose, “Why don’t you guess?” He smiled. This was one of his magic tricks again.

You thought carefully, touching your face to see if there’s something, but there really wasn’t anything. “Why don’t you check your pockets?” Lyney suggested with a hint of mischievousness in his eyes.

Like Lyney suggested, you checked your coat’s pockets, but there was nothing.

“Lyney, just–” Before you finished your sentence, Lyney clicked his tongue and shook his head. He sighed and crossed his arms, looking at you with fake disappointment.

“Come on, you have to cooperate with the magician if you want magic!” Lyney said, smiling cheekily. “Now, give me your hand, palm down,” he requested.

You did what Lyney asked, letting your hand out. Gently, he took your hand and placed a gentle kiss on your knuckles, his other hand on his back. Your cheeks flushed at Lyney’s romantic gestures, flustered yet so amused with his silly antics–this was normal to you, anyway.

When you pulled your hand back, you noticed a Rainbow Rose stuck on your palm.

“You..” You laughed in amusement, sighing softly. “I didn’t even notice…” Lyney had a silly smile on his face—he knows he's enchanted your heart again.

“Well, I'll be going now!” Lyney smiled sheepishly. “I have to hurry—I'll see you for our date then!”

Lyney started walking away, and you started waving goodbye. “You better keep your promise!!” You exclaimed as he left. Lyney turned back and waved, doing one of his signature bows as he left. You rolled your eyes and started walking the opposite way.

You walked through the familiar streets of Fontaine. But something was amiss, you swore you could hear footsteps behind you–following you at each turn you go.

Normally, a person would be tense and afraid for their lives—a person wouldn't even notice they were being stalked at all. But you were a trained soldier—a soldier hailing from Snezhnaya, in the Fatui.

So, you walked to a quieter place, just outside of the Court of Fontaine, expecting to have a conversation with this person following you.

“Look, if you're going to assign me tasks, you shouldn't be following me like some stalker in the streets—you'll blow your cover,” you said, turning to your "stalker".

It was a Fatui agent, her arms crossed, and as expected, her mask was on. She seemed like she was at the age no more than 20—a new recruit, you assume.

“I apologize for my… incompetence. I was told to make haste, so I didn't think properly.” She said, bowing her head.

“It's alright, just hurry and spit it out.” You said nicely—although, your words weren't exactly kind enough. Perhaps you got too used to your superiors talking to you with no respect. It's a horrible habit that you took note of.

The Fatui agent lifted her head up and handed you a plain looking parcel, tied up neatly. “Your next mission is here in the city, tomorrow evening, at a party in Hotel Debord.”

The agent continued, “Your mission is to find a woman named Marfa Ivanovna, an illegal immigrant from Snezhnaya. She's made a loan in Northland Bank and hasn't paid for the loan that was due 6 months ago.”

“6 months ago?” Your eyebrows furrowed. No one has ever had an unpaid debt for that long, considering that Northland Bank wasn’t so friendly with unpaid debts. This would be no simple mission, and you’d most likely have a partner. Still, to be sure, you listened to the agent.

“Yes, 6 months ago–Miss Ivanovna has been running away, you see. She always successfully ran away from agents in Snezhnaya and in Liyue.” She continued, “so you’ll be working with another agent we assigned to this mission. He will meet you at Hotel Debord.”

“And the identification code is?” You inquired.

“‘Rainbow Roses are quite the sight; and a ballroom dance should be with romance.’” The agent stated.

Hearing that very sentence reminded you of Lyney—but you were in work mode, so you put your thoughts about him aside for a moment.

You nodded, “Understood.” You paused for a moment, mentally recounting the mission details.

“What's this parcel for?” You nearly forgot about the parcel you've been holding for the past few minutes.

“The Hotel Debord has tight security, but, if you are disguised as a noble, you are most likely to be left unquestioned by Gardes.”

“I see, thank you for the disguise.” You bowed your head in respect and in thanks. The Fatui agent bowed her head.

“I wish you success in your mission, agent.” The Fatui agent told you, soon disappearing in the night.

It seems that your other life is calling you once more… And this wasn't something you were keen on.

Being a Fatui soldier wasn't exactly ideal to you, considering that your line of work wasn't for the softhearted, and if anyone knew, you'd probably go run and start a new identity.

With your fear, you kept your Fatui life completely in the shadows. It was only a life only you knew. And you would only know it; you never even told Lyney.

You always wondered how Lyney would react to your association with the Fatui. Knowing how kind, gentle, and playful he is, you knew he wouldn’t like you being a Fatui member, and you were sometimes walking on eggshells with him.

It was the only thing that you never wanted to live through. You love Lyney, and you swore you couldn't live without his magical charms, not after you met him. You were bewitched by him, ever since the first time you kissed him–perhaps even before that. Either way, you knew you’d love him forever.

As you kept thinking quietly, you sighed, walking inside a building in the City of Fontaine. It was that familiar staircase again, and that flower vase with Rainbow Roses on the console table, which were close to dying out. You should probably throw it out for your landlady soon.

The room was candlelit, and you could hear footsteps. And then, someone called your name out, “Is that you?” It was your landlady, the floor creaking. Your landlady entered the room, holding her cane as she walked weakly.

“Madame Camille!-” You took her other arm and led her back to her bed, “Didn’t the doctor say that you should just stay in bed? She said your bones must rest so they stop aching…”

“Oh please,” Madame Camille rolled her eyes as she sat back down on her soft bed, “I’ll rest my bones when I’m dead.” Her tone was a bit sarcastic, yet so serious. Despite being old, Madame Camille was stubborn and always putting herself to work, despite the fact you were always open to helping out.

“I hope that isn’t soon…” You sighed, putting your hand on your hip.

Madame Camille hummed softly, laying down, “Any gossip today?” She asked, looking at you. You chuckled and smiled–this was usually what she’d ask every time you come to your flat.

“Idette–that black haired girl who always wears that pigeon pin on her collar–is dating one of your tenants here,” I muttered, “I think it’s the tenant on the 3rd floor?” Madame Camille raised her eyebrow in response to your words.

Madame Camille scoffed, “Bah! You don’t possibly mean Chandler! That boy is always cooped up in his home, I feel like I only see him when I ask for his rent!”

“So, what else?” She asked.

“Nothing else, really.” You shrugged, “Oh, but I did hear about–”

Madame Camille shook her head, “No, I meant how are things with that magician.” She cleared her throat, putting covers over her body. “What’s his name again? Lieny? Ah, whatever his name is, he hasn’t been sending flowers like he usually does! Has he been busy?”

You recalled that Lyney sent flowers every two weeks to your landlady, since you once told him that she was fond of Rainbow Roses. And his work was the most logical reason for not sending roses like usual.

“Yes, Lyney has been busy with work.” I nodded, looking at Madame Camille. She sighed, tutting.

“Well. Make sure he remembers about them when he gets his work done!” Madame Camille stated, seemingly displeased.

But then, Madame Camille's expression turned a bit softer, “...No man has ever given me flowers, not in my youth, nor in my old age. So I appreciate that boy's kindness.”

You were shocked that Madame Camille suddenly opened up to you—still, you smiled at her. “I'll be sure to remind him,” you assured.

Madame Camille sternly nodded, smiling at you. But this smile was different, and it could only mean one thing…

“Good, now, about your rent…”

The Hotel Debord was full of guests dressed in flamboyant clothing—such is expected in Fontaine, and especially expected in a party like this. With the eye-catching decorations and the glass roof, showing the beautiful stars under Fontaine skies, it would simply be rude to dress in dull clothing in such a beautiful hotel.

You were wearing a long purple dress, designed by a famous designer in Fontaine, it said so on the tag. The dress was designed with a bit of gold, and the sleeves were long. And since this party was a masquerade party, you were wearing a mask, designed with a beautiful lace design, and delicately fitting your clothes.

You were looking around for your supposed "partner", but you haven't really noticed them, so you looked for your target instead.

Your target, Marfa Ivanovna, was a ginger haired lady with grey eyes. She was a lady in her mid-30s, and was quite tall.

Holding a bottle of Fonta—you didn't drink alcohol since you were on a mission, you walked through a slightly crowded room full of people.

And there you saw your target.

Miss Ivanovna was holding a glass of wine, conversing with other guests with a smile. Though she was wearing a sky blue mask, you could tell that this was your target. After all, you've been doing this job for years.

You started approaching Miss Ivanovna, prepared to strike up a little chat, then lead her somewhere private, then confront her about her debts with the Fatui; your go-to plan when you collect debt.

But your plan was broken.

A familiar person with a top hat approached Miss Ivanovna. Those purple eyes, that little tear-shaped mark, and that oh-so charming grin–though he was masked, you immediately knew who this man was.

And your heart stopped when you realized it.

You immediately walked backwards, going to a nearby corner with less people around. Your body trembled, your stomach churned, and you felt a lump in your throat. This was what you most feared, happening at the very moment.

Despite the horrors of the situation, you couldn't abandon your mission. Yet, you cannot face Lyney amidst your mission.

You took a quick drink of your Fonta and took a deep breath, trying to think of a plan. You could wait until your partner arrives, or perhaps you could wait until Lyney leaves Miss Ivanovna alone. You sighed shakily, putting your hand on the wall as you looked down.

“Rainbow Roses are quite the sight…” Someone said behind you. Your ears perked up–your partner had found you first.

Without turning back, you spoke, “And a ballroom dance should be with romance.” You fixed yourself up and turned back, facing your partner.

“What–”

You stepped back; your heart was beating fast, and you were visibly startled. Your partner was– “Lyney?” You said, a tone of nervousness in your voice. Lyney couldn’t have possibly known what the starting phrase of the code was, unless–

His purple eyes widened, looking at you in shock. “W-wait-” Lyney was frozen in place, staring at you. He was completely stunned at the sight of you here, and especially the fact that you were both members of the Fatui. And neither of you told each other.

Lyney sighed, shaking his head. “Er… Let’s talk later. Lynette is currently keeping watch of Miss Ivanovna.” He said, taking your hand and pulling you into the crowded area.

You felt Lyney's hand still trembling from shock (or was it you that was shaking?), taking you to the stairs in the Hotel Debord. Lyney stopped walking, holding you back. There were voices nearby. The stairs in Hotel Debord was an imperial staircase, and you would be hidden by walls if you were walking up.

“Yes, indeed! Art is such an exquisite form of life—I'm delighted to see a young girl like you chatting about it with such deep knowledge!” Miss Ivanovna said happily, fanning her face as she gazed at the painting in front of them.

Lynette smiled, “I'm glad you feel that way, Miss Fedorova.”

You were not surprised by the different name—she was using a fake name to hide her identity.

Lyney turned to you, holding your hand tight. “Lynette doesn't know you're our partner in this mission, but she's aware that someone will be helping us,” Lyney said, “do you understand?”

You gave him a quick nod, shrugging after “It's not like I knew you were my partner in this mission either,” you smiled.

“Hehe…” Lyney scratched his nape and focused on the task at hand soon after. Unbeknownst to Lynette’s true intentions, Miss Ivanovna was still talking happily with Lynette, her smile wide and her eyes almost glimmering. It seems Lynette has done a great job to earn Miss Ivanovna’s trust.

Lyney turned to you, signaling you to go to the other side of the imperial staircase, so if Miss Ivanovna tried to run away, she would be blocked. Besides, if she tried to escape, you had already placed traps in places she’d try to escape through, excluding the main entrance.

“I’m surprised about your knowledge about ‘Lady with an Umbrella, facing right’, Miss Fedorova,” Lynette smiled, “You even know the exact price for the painting.”

Lynette turned to Miss Ivanovna, her hands neatly placed in front of her, “Miss Fedorova, I must confess that I have other intentions with you.” Lynette said, putting her sword up.

“Or should I say, Miss Marfa Ivanovna?”

Miss Ivanovna flinched, her eyes bulged at the sight of a sword being pointed at her. She was probably shocked at the mention of her true name. “W-what–I’ve done nothing wrong! Why are you threatening me?”

“I suggest you stop pretending, Miss Ivanovna. I am well aware of who you truly are, and what debts you have with the Fatui,” Lynette said.

Miss Ivanovna stepped back—Lynette then spoke once more, “And don't even try escaping. My partners have already taken precautions to make sure you won't be exiting the hotel.”

Miss Ivanovna furrowed her eyebrows, clenching her fists.

Lynette put her sword down, “We only want to peacefully talk about your debt in Northland Bank, Miss Ivanovna. If you settle your debt, everything wouldn't be a hassle for yourself and the bank.”

It took a few moments until Miss Ivanovna’s expression softened. She still looked mad, but it seemed like she was more reasonable than you anticipated for a woman running from the Fatui for 6 months.

“Fine…” Miss Ivanovna said.

Immediately, you knew this was a trap. And you were right. Miss Ivanovna threw her fan at Lynette’s face harshly, causing her to get distracted as Miss Ivanovna ran away to the staircase where you were. You were sure that Lyney would be helping Lynette at the moment, so you were practically on your own in capturing Miss Ivanovna.

You heard frantic footsteps down the stairs, and then a figure passed you by. Immediately, you grabbed hold of that figure and pushed them against the wall. It was, indeed, the notorious Miss Marfa Ivanovna.

“Listen to me, Miss Ivanovna–the Fatui can get you into more trouble than we’re already giving you,” you whispered, pushing her harder against the wall as she tried squirming. “Don’t you know that the Fatui can take you to the Fortress of Meropide for illegally migrating into Fontaine–and just where justice is held up high in honor…”

You smiled and gripped Miss Ivanovna’s wrists, “Additionally, I could personally take measures into making things worse for you for hurting my boyfriend’s sister. So why don’t you settle all of your debts in the Fatui, and we’ll let you go?”

Miss Ivanovna groaned in annoyance, accepting her defeat at last, “Fine! Fine.”

“I'm a woman of elegance, so let's negotiate...”

Lynette had taken care of Miss Ivanovna, leaving you and Lyney alone together. Though Lyney insisted that Lynette should have taken a break, Lynette declined and dealt with Miss Ivanovna on her own. You figured that Lynette’s intention was for you to talk with Lyney about your identities as Fatui members.

You couldn’t wait until you could finally talk with Lyney privately–but you were also afraid of talking to him. You felt relieved that he wasn’t mad, but you kept overthinking that this would change things between the two of you. Well, it has but, you were worried about this changing your relationship negatively.

You and Lyney were seated on a bench somewhere on the sidewalk, listening to the evening sounds of Fontaine streets. You were too far from Lyney, sitting at the edge of the bench in awkwardness.

“Hey,” Lyney whispered, “sit closer… It's not like we're strangers…” His tone was similar to his usual playful tone, but there was a hint of sadness in his voice.

You turned to Lyney, who wasn't even looking at you; his head was down, fiddling his hat with his hands, while his body was slumped over. You've never seen him this quiet—it was unusual to you.

It made you nervous that he was acting like this. Was he sad about you not telling him? Was he embarrassed that you were a Fatui like him? What did he even feel about this? You felt as if your relationship was inching closer to a cliff.

You scooted closer, making your shoulder touch his, which made him look at you. You took his top hat and placed it on his head, his eyes staring into yours with bitterness.

“I'm sorry,” Lyney told you, taking your hand, “I'm sorry.”

You were confused, “Why?”

“I'm sorry for not telling you,” Lyney muttered, holding your hand tight, “I was afraid that… you would hate me for being a Fatuus.”

“But I never thought of the possibility of you hating me for not telling you.”

Lyney sighed shakily, tightening his grasp on your hands, “I'm sorry that I was afraid. I’m sorry I was a coward.”

“Lyney…” You muttered. The Lyney you once knew as confident and charming showed his vulnerable side–you felt honored to see this side of him, and to know more about how he truly is. You pulled him closer and hugged him, kissing his forehead gently, “I’m not mad at you for not telling me.”

You moved away and cupped his cheek, rubbing it, “It's okay,” you whispered, smiling at the sad magician. Lyney was still frowning in front of you, sighing softly.

“How are you forgiving me like this? Aren't you supposed to be a bit mad…?’

“How can I be mad when I've kept the same secret from you too?”

“...”

You laughed softly and hugged Lyney again, “Besides, I couldn't get mad at your charms,” you paused for a moment, kissing his cheek.

“I'm being serious!” Lyney sighed exasperatedly and moved away.

“I'm being serious too..!”

“...You're really not mad?”

“Yes, I'm not mad—I love you too much for that.”

Lyney froze and got flustered, a pink tint coloring his cheeks as his eyes strayed away. You've barely seen him flustered.

“...I love you too,” Lyney whispers, holding your hands again, kissing your knuckles before entwining his fingers with yours.

You laughed softly, putting your head on his shoulder, holding Lyney's hand while watching the time pass by in the evening light of Fontaine.

“Hey, Madame Camille wants you to bring more flowers to her,” you whispered, kissing Lyney's cheek.

“Ah… of course. I'm finished with all my missions anyway, I should have more time to perform and to visit your landlady,” Lyney stated.

“Wait, you haven't been performing?”

Lyney's eyes glanced somewhere else, and he scratched his neck nervously, “Oh… um.. yes.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, gently nudging his elbow, “So all this time, you weren't actually having shows?!”

You huffed, “You owe me 4 dates! I can't believe you lied to me like that…”

“I didn't mean to…” Lyney sighed, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

You put out your pinky, “Promise?”

Lyney intertwined his pinky with yours, kissing your lips gently.

“Promise.”

End.

#lyney x reader #lyney x y/n #lyney x you #genshin fanfic #genshin impact lyney #genshin x reader #i dont actually know how to tag #fan fic reqs by ivy! ♡#genshin impact fanfics

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