#might have to go back and addendum it some later

[togglesbloggle]

What to Watch at the End

I've been happy to run in to a couple pieces of media back-to-back over the last week or so- plenty of down time, since I have that bug that's going around. They make pretty interesting companion pieces to one another, actually. With the end of the world so close now, we're starting to get a bit more genuinely thoughtful art about the subject, stuff you really can't say until you have this kind of vantage point.

They are The Power Fantasy (written by Kieron Gillen), an early-days ongoing comic of the 'deconstructing superheroes' type, and Pantheon (created by Craig Silverstein), one of those direct-to-streaming shows that get no marketing and inevitably fade away quickly; this one's an adult cartoon with two eight-episode seasons, adapted from some Ken Liu short stories, with a complete and satisfying ending. I'll put in a cut from here; targeted spoilers won't occur, but I'll be talking about theme and subject matter as well as a few specific plot beats, so you won't be entirely fresh if you read on.

Pantheon is a solid, if wobbly, stab at singularity fiction, with more of a focus on uploaded intelligence than purely synthetic (though both come in to play). It's about two-thirds YA to start, declining to about one-fifth by the end. The Power Fantasy, by contrast, is an examination of superpowers through a geopolitical lens that compares them to nuclear states; I'm not as good a judge of comics over all (particularly unfinished comics), but this one seems very high quality to me.

The intersection of the Venn Diagram of these two shows is the problem of power, and in particular the challenges of a human race handing off the baton to the entities that supersede it. They're both willing to radically change the world in response to the emergence of new forces; none of them even try to 'add up to normal' or preserve the global status quo. Both reckon with megadeath events.

I'm a... fairly specific mix of values and ethical stances, so I'm well used to seeing (and enjoying!) art and media that advance moral conclusions I don't agree with on a deep level. I used to joke that Big Hero Six was the only big-budget movie of its decade that actually captured some of my real values without compromise. (I don't think it's quite that bad, actually, I was being dramatic, but it's pretty close.)

Pantheon was a really interesting watch before I figured out what it was doing, because it felt like it was constantly dancing on the edge of either being one of those rare stories, or of utterly countermanding it with annoying pablum. It wasn't really until the second or third episode that I figured out why- it's a Socratic dialogue, a narrative producing a kind of dialectical Singularity.

The show maintains a complex array of philosophies and points of view, and makes sure that all of them get about as fair a shake as it can. This means, if you're me, then certain characters are going to confidently assert some really annoying pro-death claims and even conspire to kill uploaded loved ones for transparently bad reasons. If you're not me, you'll find someone just as annoying from another direction, I'm sure of it. Everybody has an ally in this show, and everybody has an enemy, and every point of view both causes and solves critical problems for the world.

For example, the thing simply does not decide whether an uploaded person is 'the same as' the original or a copy without the original essence; when one man is uploaded, his daughter continues thinking of him as her dad, and his wife declares herself widowed, and both choices are given gravitas and dignity. He, himself, isn't sure.

This isn't something you see in fiction hardly at all- the last time I can think of was Terra Ignota, though this show lacks that story's gem-cut perfection. It's that beautiful kind of art where almost nobody is evil, and almost everything is broken. And something a little bit magical happens when you do this, even imperfectly, because the resulting narrative doesn't live in any single one of their moral universes; it emerges from all of them, complexly and much weirder than a single simplistic point of view would have it. And they have to commit to the bit, because the importance of dialogue is the core, actual theme and moral center of this show.

The part of rationalism I've always been least comfortable with has been its monomania, the desire to sculpt one perfect system and then subject all of reality to it. This becomes doomerism very quickly; in short order, rationalists notice 'out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made', and then conclude that we're all very definitely going to die, once the singleton infinite-power system takes over, because it too will be flawed. (e.g. this joking-not-joking post by Big Yud.)

And don't get me wrong, I do take that concern seriously. I don't think I can conclusively, definitely convince myself that rationalism is wrong on this point, not to a degree of confidence that lets me ignore that risk. I don't at all begrudge the people devoting their entire professional lives to avoiding that outcome, even though I don't take it as given or even as particularly likely myself.

But it is precisely that monomania that is the central villain of this show, if it even has one. Breakdowns in dialogue, the assertion of unilateral control, conquering the world for its own good. The future, this show says, is multipolar, and we get there together or not at all.

That's a tremendously beautiful message, and a tremendously important one. I do wish it was more convincing.

The Power Fantasy works, quite hard, to build believably compassionate personalities into the fabric of its narrative. It doesn't take easy ways out, it doesn't give destroy-the-world levels of power to madmen or fools. Much like Pantheon, it gives voice to multiple, considered, and profoundly beautiful philosophies of life. Its protagonists have (sometimes quite serious) flaws, but only in the sense that some of the best among us have flaws; one of them is, more or less literally, an angel.

And that's why the slow, grinding story of slow, grinding doom is so effective and so powerful.

In a way that Pantheon does not, TPF reckons with the actual, specific analysis of escalation towards total destruction. Instead of elevating dialogue to the level of the sacred, it explores the actual limits and tendencies of that dialogue. It shows, again and again, how those good-faith negotiations are simply and tragically not quite good enough, with every new development dragging the world just an inch closer to the brink, making peace just a little bit more impossible. Those compassionate, wise superpowers are trapped in a nightmare that's slowly constricting around them, and they're compassionate and wise enough to know exactly what that means while remaining entirely unable to stop it.

It's most directly and obviously telling a story about the cold war, of course, not about artificial intelligence per se. The 'atomics' of TPF are just X-Men with the serial numbers filed off, and are therefore not constructed artifacts the way that uploaded and synthetic minds are; there's some nod to an 'superpowers arms race' in the AI sense of the term, but it's not a core theme. But these are still 'more than human' in important ways, with several of the characters qualifying directly as superintelligences in one way or another.

The story isn't complete (just getting started, really), so I don't want to speak too authoritatively about its theme or conclusions. But it's safe to say that the moral universe it lives in isn't a comfortable one. Echoing rationalists, the comic opens with an arresting line of dialogue: "The ethical thing to do, of course, would be to conquer the world."

In his excellent book Superintelligence, Nick Bostrom discusses multipolarity somewhat, and takes a rather dim view of it. He sees no hope for good outcomes that way, and argues that it will likely be extremely unstable. In other words, it has the ability to cloud the math, for a little while but it's ultimately just a transitional phase before we reach some kind of universal subordination to a single system.

The Power Fantasy describes such a situation, where six well-intentioned individuals are trying to share the world with one another, and shows beat-by-beat how they fail.

Pantheon cheats outrageously to make its optimism work- close relationships between just the right people, shackles on the superintelligences in just the right degree, lucky breaks at just the right time. It also has, I think, a rather more vague understanding of the principles at play (though it's delightfully faithful to the nerd culture in other ways; there's constant nods to Lain and Ghost in the Shell, including some genuinely funny sight gags, and I'm pretty sure one of the hacker characters is literally using the same brand of mouse as me).

TPF doesn't always show its work, lots of the story is told in fragments through flashbacks and nonlinear fragments. But what it shows, it shows precisely and without compromise or vagueness. It does what it can to stake you to the wall with iron spikes, no wiggle room, no flexibility.

But all the same, there's an odd problem, right? We survived the Cold War.

TPF would argue (I suspect) that we survived because the system collapsed to a singleton- the United States emerged as the sole superpower, with the Pax Americana reigning over the world undisputed for much of the last forty years. There were only two rivals, not six, and when one went, the game functionally ended.

In other words, to have a future, we need a Sovereign.

So let me go further back- the conspicuous tendency of biospheres to involve complex ecosystems with no 'dominant' organism. Sure, certain adaptations radiate quickly outward; sometimes killing and displacing much of what came before. But nature simply gives us no prior record of successful singletons emerging from competitive and dynamic environments, ever. Not even humans, not even if you count our collective species as one individual; we're making progress, but Malaria and other such diseases still prey on us, outside our control for now.

TPF would argue, I suspect, that there's a degree of power at which this stops being true- the power to annihilate the world outright, which has not yet been achieved but will be soon.

But that, I think, has not yet been shown to my satisfaction.

Obligate singleton outcomes are a far, far more novel claim than their proponents traditionally accept, and I think the burden of proof must be much higher than simply having a good argument for why it ought to be true. A model isn't enough; models are useful, not true. I'm hungry for evidence, and fictional evidence doesn't count.

It's an interesting problem, even with the consequences looming so profoundly across our collective horizon right now. TPF feels correct-as-in-precise, the way that economists and game theorists are precise. But economics and game theory are not inductive sciences; they are models, theories, arguments, deductions. They're not observations, and not to be trusted as empirical observations are trusted. Pantheon asserts again and again the power of dialogue and communication, trusts the multipolar world. And that's where my moral and analytical instincts lie too, at least to some degree. I concern myself with deep time, and deep time is endlessly, beautifully plural. But Pantheon doesn't have the rigor to back that up- this is hope, not deduction, and quite reckless in its way. Trying to implement dialectical approaches in anything like a formal system has led to colossal tragedy, again and again.

One narrative is ruthlessly rigorous and logically potent, but persistently unable to account for the real world as I've seen it. The other is vague, imprecise, overconfident, and utterly beautiful, and feels in a deep way like a continuation of the reality that I find all around me- but only feels. Both are challenging, in their way.

It's a bit scary, to be this uncertain about something this consequential. This is a question around which so much pivots- the answer to the Drake paradox, the nature of the world-to-come, the permanence of death. But I simply don't know.

[1moreff-creator]

Extra DRDT CH2 Episode 12 Thoughts

Heya! After making my last post where I just live-blogged my immediate reaction to the episode, I had a few more thoughts that I figured I should write down somewhere. They’re all too small for their own posts, but I still think they’re worth sharing.

Spoilers for CH2 EP12

CW: Murder, hanging, suicide.

The Water Thing

This episode brought up two interesting points which had rarely, if ever, been discussed within the fandom: Arei’s body swinging, and her body temperature and its connection to water. And while I’m relatively sure I saw one or two people mention the swinging at some point, the temperature issue is certainly a new one.

The swinging was explained in the trial: Arei’s body was hung shortly before it was found. But J says something interesting; the corpse should have been warm, unless it was drenched in water and dried. Paraphrasing a bit, but you get the point.

However, I actually don’t think this is a big deal, just adds a slight addendum to previous murder theories. We know the killer dumped the fish in the playground to confuse time of death, so I believe the killer likely splashed Arei with the water to cool her down. This is assuming they even thought about the body temperature, but I don’t think this is a large assumption to make.

I have seen people claim that Arei’s hair looks somewhat wet in the BDA, which… maybe? Anyways, this idea would explain that as well.

This might even give us Possible Explanation Number I Lost Count for the damn missing glove. Maybe it got particularly wet and the culprit worried it wouldn’t dry quickly enough? If people discovered a dripping wet bowling glove, the whole “using fish to confuse the time of death” thing would kinda go straight out the window. I have no idea if that makes any amount of sense, I don’t see why the glove would dry any slower than the rest of her clothes, but oh well.

Arturo’s Talent, and his Recap Foil: Levi

(Here’s the link to the original Recap Foil Theory post by gleamingtempest, in case you don’t know what I’m talking about).

Kinda forgot this was a thing when first watching the episode, but now looking back on it, there’s some neat foiling going on. Levi and Arturo’s backstory already were somewhat opposites in some aspects: Arturo got away from home himself while Levi was disowned, though Levi seems to hold a higher degree of respect for his family in comparison to Arturo. Levi is (now confirmed!) a murderer with no remorse, while Arturo accidentally caused Felicity’s death to some extent and clearly feels guilty about it. Etcetera.

Well, we can add a new detail to this foil! Arturo’s been training his talent since he was twelve, while Levi has admitted since introduction that he’s “a novice to fashion.” Neat detail, and certainly adds to this theory.

Terumin VS Xanvid

Thanks to Haru for pointing this out, but Teruko’s “I’ll fix my mistake” echoes Min’s “I’ll fix your mistake” from her Argument Armament. As I mentioned in the linked post, it’s cool that Teruko is taking a sort of Min-like attitude to her mistakes while calling Xander out, while David is taking Xander’s side in the same trial he calls Min pathetic. Foils and all that.

(Doomed Yuri V Doomed Yaoi, fight!)

This makes me hopeful that Min will still have some importance later. But I’m probably just coping.

What Was David Cooking?

I am kinda sick of talking about this man, frankly. I blame the almost three hour video I made on his MV. But oh well, he’ll stop being center focus soon enough. For now, His Deal is still one of the most central aspects of the episodes, so discuss him I will.

There are two big points of contention with what he said this trial. First, what does he remember about Xander? Second, what was he actually trying to do by pretending to be Arei’s murderer?

The first is pretty simple to assume, I think. David remembers whatever Xander did to become the Ultimate Rebel, and respects him as a result. Especially since Xander’s numeral I in LGI, the Footnote 14 code solved by y-prime, is “I have always looked up to you.”

I don’t think David has Hope’s Peak memories, despite his weird wording with “even if you all lost a year of memories.” He specifically says he and Xander had never met in his Prologue introduction, before they had any real reason to believe they’d lost memories. The LGI video also doesn’t add anything, because… well, it’s not a Milgram MV. It doesn’t come from his memories, it exists purely in meta. This is evident from the comments referencing Byakuya, Nagito and Kokichi, characters these people should have no knowledge of as Veronika claims not to remember anything like the DRDT killing game happening before; certain references to conversations and details David shouldn’t be aware of (mainly in numeral placement), etc.

(While I was writing that, the dev seemingly clarified that David does not have Hope’s Peak memories, then deleted the tweet, so. Just in case, there’s the full reasoning)

The second one is trickier. David is following Xander’s ideals, but that’s all we know. We don’t have a concrete idea of what Xander’s ideals really were, and it’s even harder to know what David thinks Xander’s ideals were.

David: I’m sure he had a good reason. I believe that he did. Xander is not the kind of person to do anything for frivolous purposes.

He believes Xander had a good reason for trying to kill Teruko, he says he’s sure of it, but he never implies to know exactly what the reason was. And if he doesn’t know the exact reason, he can’t for sure say what ideal Xander was upholding by doing what he did.

But, he knows what Xander was trying to do; kill everyone. Because if it was just Teruko, he wouldn’t have tried to mislead people with the CD thing. Although, Xander was following that one note that said to “kill Teruko Tawaki,” so it could potentially be targeted.

So, taking credit for Arei’s murder to try and kill everyone is because Xander tried to do something similar. But the deeper reason he gave, about the nature of the killing game, is it true?

(Apologies in advance for the particularly horrible collage. I am without a reliable computer atm)

David [Annoyed]: Ugh, fucking fine. You want an answer so badly? Any answer?

[Face covered] …

I…

[Sweating] Ah… We’re… in a television show, after all. That’s… what MonoTV said, right?

“Entertainment” is an ongoing show.

If Min successfully got away with the very first murder and escaped while we all died, isn’t that way less interesting for a TV show?

What’s the point of roping 14 other people into one murder, only to kill them all off immediately?

The killer is supposed to fail and get executed. We’re all supposed to catch the killer, again and again, and participate in trial after trail. You’re *supposed* to try to survive.

All of you, who are trying to slice these class trials to continue living on are playing straight into MonoTV’s hands.

[Confident] As if I’ll accept that.

I don’t care how low I’ll sink, or how despicable I’ll have to become. I’ll do anything to carry on Xander’s ideals by ending this killing game, even if it means that I have to dirty my hands.

Oh, this man is lying out his ass.

This is not an answer you hesitate over if it’s true. The words David is saying are neutral; the show is meant for entertainment, and it’s not entertaining if people die early. There’s no controversy there, no reason to be nervous. Especially since Eden’s already come to the same conclusion.

Veronika: You know, Eden once thought of an interesting plan to end the killing game. Based on everything we know, it could theoretically work.

[…]

To make a television show so boring they have no choice but to shut it down.

All we have to do is nothing.

You’re not supposed to be sweating when you’re effectively repeating something Eden said, even if under a different context.

First, David says he’ll give “any answer”, already making anything he says shady. Then, he seems to deliberate on what to say, which is already suspicious.

The most notable thing is that when he starts talking about the TV show, and what it means for it to be entertaining, he still hesitates. If his plan really was to make the TV show boring, once he decides to spill the beans, there’s nothing to hesitate about.

He only regains his confidence at the end, ironically when he’s saying the actually insane stuff. He finally finds the character he was trying to play and actually says something true; he wants to uphold Xander’s ideals and end the killing game. But I really don’t think it’s because he wants to make it boring.

In other words, he’s not lying about wanting to follow Xander and end the killing game, but his explanation about the entertainment has nothing to do with that. It’s way too simple of an explanation for the amount he hesitates. At least, that’s what I think, I may be wrong.

That brings us to the question; if he didn’t take the blame to make the game boring, why did he do it?

Well, currently and without too much confidence, I believe it has to do with Xander’s secondary goal; killing Teruko Tawaki.

One of the most well-accepted theories in the community is that David’s secret, “everything in your life is worth killing over [and] the killing game is all your fault,” isn’t Xander’s, but Teruko’s.

(In fact, side theory: I’m betting (on little evidence) that by the end of the trial, it will be David with his fanboy knowledge to point out that the “survivor’s guilt” secret that Min “received” was actually Xander’s, and reveal by process of elimination (since it’s likely going to be revealed in the trial that Hu has Veronika’s secret and Veronika has Hu’s, assuming those theories are true) that Min has the poison secret. It’s a bit of a wild prediction, but I think it’s a reasonable possibility to how the series would go about confirming the secrets of the dead)

That, combined with the fact that Xander followed a note that told him to kill Teruko, would certainly be enough for David to decide that Teruko’s gotta die. And killing everyone in the class trial is probably the best way to ensure that happens, since David probably doesn’t hunk attacking her directly is a good idea. If Xander, physically the strongest student in the cast, couldn’t get past Teruko’s luck, what the hell is David supposed to do? Especially now that she carries a knife, though I’m not sure David knows that.

It’s not even that out of nowhere; in the LGI video, Teruko’s numeral XIII appears next to a quote regarding the child of Omelas among other things. Very long story (skip to 1:22:22 in this video for the full explanation), but the child of Omelas is someone who must suffer so everyone else can live in a perfect world. It’s possible David thinks of Teruko, for one reason or another, as the Omelas child; she’s gotta die so everyone can be happy. She is someone “deeply unloved” after all.

Now, is this a stretch? Certainly. But I don’t think David’s telling the truth about his motivations, and I think this is one of the more likely options as to what exactly he was cooking here. I’m sure there’s better explanations out there, I just haven’t seen them :v

David VS Whit

I kinda skipped over the “Red Herring pun to David Freakout” line at first, but I think it’s pretty interesting that David gets so mad at Whit’s behavior. They are Recap Foils, so it makes sense they’d have strong emotions towards each other.

In particular, I’d like to point out how David gets mad at Whit for something similar to what he does as a motivational speaker.

I mentioned it in the previously mentioned section of my LGI analysis, but I believe part of the reason David hates Teruko is that he sees himself in her (pessimistic, thinks the world won’t change, etc), and this would be the other side of that. David constantly says things he doesn’t believe to make people happy, and he considers that to be pretty stupid, so it makes sense for him to get frustrated when seeing Whit doing something similar, trying to raise spirits by telling jokes. Looking at Whit is sorta like looking in a mirror, and David hates that. The mirror in LGI is labeled “reflection is due” for a reason.

I’m not fully sure this works 100%, but I think it’s at least worth considering.

Updates on Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice

In case you’re new here, here’s a link to my post detailing the Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice theory, which I came up with alongside some other theorists, and is what I currently believe the murder to be. My thoughts on possible character motivation and the such have shifted a bit since then, but the important part is the physical evidence. In particular, the combination of Lockdown Logic to determine Eden most likely took the tape from the gym and the Fish Timeline to determine someone else must have helped her get the fish, combined with the overly complicated murder method which I describe in detail, leads me to believe Eden is the blackened, and Levi helped her kill Arei.

I’m not going to talk about other theories, I’ll let the dedicated theorists perfect them with the new evidence in their own time. But, how does this theory change?

On the surface, uh, not much. We haven’t talked method much, after all.

(Side note, I know some people are bothered by how long that’s taking, and while I kinda get it, I’m not bothered by it. We’re in no rush; I prefer it if all the character conflict is addressed at some point, even if it delays talking about the actual method. Better than it going unaddressed, after all)

The only change is adding that they splashed Arei with water to hide her body temperature, but as discussed, that’s a minor change.

The big wrench thrown into this theory is the end, because… I’ll be honest, dear audience, I have no clue what Levi’s cooking here. Like, at all. Zero read on why he’s revealing his secret. I could try to speculate, but I can’t find any fully satisfactory answer even outside the Levi!Accomplice theory. Nothing makes sense to me, so I’ll just wait for the next episode before trying to read into it.

There is one unrelated thing I want to bring up, though, and it’s related to Levi’s possible motivation. I know this is one of the biggest sticking points in the theory (obviously), so I’d like to talk about it.

As a refresher: although alternate ideas have been offered, my current guess is that it has to do with his desire to be a good person, and the fact he considers Eden a good person. Cue the whole “A Good Person” hidden title behind “All That Glitters.”

Levi: Perhaps I messed up yesterday. But I want to move on. I want to keep trying to become ‘a good person,’ like you, Eden.

The idea goes like this. Levi thinks Eden is good, and so he wants to do good by her. Based on the secret quote in the code of his character page, we can tell he prefers to speak through actions. He’s a bold action man, and that can cause him to come off as heartless.

Levi: I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.

My personal theory (again, other Levi motives are possible) assumes that Levi believes someone will win the killing game eventually (and this is an assumption, I won’t deny it), and if only one persona can escape, he’d rather it be Eden than anyone else. Again, “good person.” Levi will die, sure, but unless he becomes a blackened himself, he’s going to die regardless whenever someone gets away with murder.

Now, this isn’t anything drastically different than what I said in the theory post, so why am I bringing it up?

Well, the thing is… Doing something horrible, throwing away your own life and those of most of your peers, all for the sake of the one you’ve deemed to be “a good person”…

Now where have I heard that before?

David: But doing “good” things requires sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice is being seen as a good person.

Even if doing something makes you hated, if that action is for a greater good, then it’s an action you have to take.

Xander is a good person. He’s the only good person I’ve ever known. I swear, I’ll follow in his footsteps and—

Huh. Funny how that works.

My point is that not only is “doing good by the only good person here” now a pre-established line of reasoning these characters can have, Levi doing such a thing for Eden would be a very interesting parallel to what David tried to do for Xander.

This isn’t evidence, to be clear. Just because one guy does it, doesn’t mean a completely unrelated dude is gonna do it too. But I’m calling it now as a potentially interesting parallel to explore, either in canon if I’m right or, like, an AU if I’m wrong :v

That said, I will point out that Hu’s capital G Girlboss Moment is directly after this, the one where she chews David out for deciding what’s best for all of them without consultation. And a little bit afterwards, Levi starts acting weird, apologizing for being useless, revealing his secret, etc. These two things could be connected, if Levi is, like, having second thoughts after that.

I could see a world where Levi’s trying to bring the conversation towards the right answer without fully committing to it, only for something or someone to somehow convince him back to accomplice-hood middway through it. I find that immensely unlikely, to be clear, but again, I genuinely have no idea what Levi’s trying to do right now, so.

All in all, a pretty neutral episode for this theory. Next one could completely break it, though, so I’m excited. I might have to come up with new theories! >:D

God I missed DRDT. And the only drawback of coming back is re-opening LGI trauma :D /silly

Anyways, thanks for reading! See you on the flipside!

[rallamajoop]

Translating the original RE8 trial scene storyboard

RE8’s bonus DLC concept art pack includes a couple of pages of an early storyboard for the trial scene, dating to back when Miranda was still going to be a foreign researcher rather than a village native, and Ada Wong was still part of the cast. Though the text is all in Japanese, I had a crack at translating it ‒ it makes for a fascinating comparison to the finished game.

Images and translations are under the cut below – but here’s the dot-point version of how this older storyboard compares to the finished one.

Instead of Miranda, the trial is overseen by a masked figure called only ‘shaman’ (祈祷師). Instead of lycans, the trial is attended by numerous villagers, all eager to see Ethan punished.

This may be the big one: the shaman claims an ‘Adam-sama’ has been angered by Ethan’s (unspecified) crimes. My best guess at this mysterious ‘Adam’ is that it might be a name for the megamycete. Whoever he is, all the 'Eve' connotations of Eva/Eveline (and even the Rose flasks) suddenly start to sound a whole lot more significant.

Even here, the trial is dominated by Dimitrescu and Heisenberg fighting over who gets Ethan – or at least who gets his body, after his execution. Dimitrescu still wants his blood, while Heisenberg presumably wants him for soldat-material. Moreau briefly makes his own bid, but he just wants to eat Ethan.

Donna’s one act is to apparently stop time at a crucial moment to speak directly to Ethan without anyone else hearing – though this seems to be an illusion she creates while contacting him psychically. No sign of Angie, who probably isn’t part of the game yet.

Rather than escaping through Heisenberg’s gauntlet, Ethan is rescued by Ada Wong (disguised behind a plague mask). I’m guessing Heisenberg’s role as pseudo-ally hadn’t fully developed while Ada was still supposed to be involved.

Conflict between the lords seems to be framed more as conflict between separate houses/families. Heisenberg makes a reference to ‘us Heisenbergs’ (perhaps this is from the time when his mother, father and twin brother were also supposed to be characters?) and Moreau to his ‘Kuku-family’.

Though the name ‘Heisenberg’ does appear, he’s mostly called ‘Geek’, while Moreau is ‘Half-fish-man’ (半魚人), and Donna is simply 'Spirit' or 'Ghost' (心霊). Lady Dimitrescu is the only character who is actually called that (though it’s mostly abbreviated to just ‘lady’). I could not tell you why a Japanese dev team would decide that ‘geek’ was a good moniker for their heavy-metal-Frankenstein-wannabe, but here we are. (Note that most of the game files associated with Heisenberg are still labelled ‘geek[something]’, so clearly this was a moniker that stuck. Donna’s files are almost all called ‘ghost[something]’. Moreau and Dimitrescu mostly get shortened/mangled into 'moro' and 'domi'.)

Heisenberg and Dimitrescu actually come to blows over Ethan in this version, with Heisenberg launching his hammer at her and seemingly killing her, or at least blowing her away. But I think we can take it as read that even in this version, she'll show up okay and be back to torment Ethan later.

Oh, and did I mention this little addendum at the end which hints at Miranda doing some kind of surgery on Chris? WTF?

Standard disclaimer for all my Japanese translations: I’m nothing like fluent, and rely on online dictionaries for a lot of harder vocabulary. Corrections from anyone better qualified are welcome.

Okay, on to the actual translations! I'll include the full pages as we get to them, but I'll also break them down into smaller chunks so I can share and translate smaller chunks as we go through.

Page 1

[Ethan wakes up to find he can't move because his handcuffs are chained to the floor]

[Ghost-nobles and villagers buzzing in the church]

[Banging noise as shaman bangs his staff]

Shaman: "Everyone, quiet!"

[Church falls silent]

Shaman: "I have heard from each of the lords. This man's crime threatens the very foundations of our family! Lord Adam is furious! To allow this man to live will bring disaster upon the village! Only his death will appease Lord Adam's anger!"

[Cheering from the crowd]

Lady Dimitrescu: "In that case, after the execution, the Dimitrescu family shall receive the victim. My daughters haven't had nearly enough blood to drink of late."

Geek (Heisenberg): "Oi, wait a minute. From what I've heard, you witches have had it your own way long enough."

["Geek" burns Ethan's hand with a cigar]

Geek: "Us Heisenbergs will be taking this one, got it?"

[Ethan shrieks in pain]

Lady: "Didn't you have several victims sent to you just the other day?"

[Half-fish-man (半魚人) walks up to the Geek]

Half-fish-man (Moreau): "Oh, grant him to my Kuku-family, I.. I want to break him open and eat his insides!" (Note: I think Moreau's actually saying something even more colourful here, but I'm having trouble translating it)

[He approaches Ethan, parasites emerging from under his hood]

["Geek" halts him, brandishing his hammer]

Half-fish-man: [Groaning noise]

Lady: "I will not allow you two to do as you please!"

Geek: "Hm, how to settle this?"

Half-fish-man: "Oh, oh…!"

[Rising noise of cursing onlookers]

[Geek raises his iron hammer]

Page 2

[The moment he throws his hammer at Lady Dimitrescu, a halucination begins and time seems to stop. Direction and focus of camera fits the spirit]

Ghost (Donna, in a voice no-one else can hear): "….(You… have summoned him… receive your reward…)"

[Reality returns]

[The hammer pierces Lady D. and blows her away, part of the church collapses. Panic as villagers fall or die]

Geek: "Don't worry. Your corpse will become my plaything."

[A mysterious masked figure appears and fires three shots into Heisenberg, five into the shaman]

Masked figure: "Run!"

[Cuts the chain holding Ethan to the floor]

Geek: [getting up] "..what the…?"

Shaman (still full of arrows) yells to the villagers: "What are you doing! Don't let them escape! After him!"

Masked figure: "This way!"

[Still handcuffed, Ethan runs through passages before finally making it outdoors]

Page 3

Masked figure: [while reloading crossbow] "Your daughter is alive. Go get her back, okay?"

Ethan: "What are you…"

[Masked figure sees someone coming from behind] "No time, go!"

[Ethan screams as he's thrown over the railing]

[And here endeth the storyboard]

Page 3 Addendum

This brings us to the latter half of Page 3, which contains only a single column of panels. Remaining space features an extra half-page of Miranda in her original foreign-scientist incarnation, pictured with what I assume were some of her experiments. There's some text on these too ‒ hand-written rather than typed, which made it a right bastard to figure out. But I had a crack anyway, because even at a skim-read it had me going, "wait, does that say the monster is Chris?"

Yep, it does. The captions (as best I could make them out) read "Miranda's paranormal organism experiment" (奇生体の実験) and "After plastic surgery on Chris' face" (クリスの顔に整形後).

This only raises so many more questions. Is Chris actually working with Miranda, or has she captured him for experiments? Is she repairing Chris' face after some horrific accident? Is she altering some monster to make it look like Chris Redfield? Or ‒ in a far more entertaining possibility ‒ was this meant to be an in-game justification for why RE7's Chris looks nothing like he does in RE8?

I have no answers for you, but you can really feel how much this game changed in development just from these little glimpses of what might have been.

[syndrossi]

I always feel a weird kinship with Baelon, on account of having dealt with appendicitis myself a few years back, which hit right around the second "age bump" where it's common (when nearing one's thirties).

I remember being at work, and having a growing pain/discomfort in my stomach. I felt off enough that I opted to take the rest of the day off. I took the subway home, then laid down for a nap, hoping it would make me feel better.

It didn't. I woke up in worse pain, with a fever and chills. It was bad enough that I, a person who generally prefers suffering rather than drag myself to a doctor, called my roommate, who kindly took a lunch hour off work to join me back at the apartment. We found an urgent care that was nearby, made an appointment, and walked there, only to find that it didn't have a physical location (it was just a placeholder office), it was one of the virtual urgent cares where you have a video conference.

So we trekked back to the apartment. My roommate had to go back in to work, and I took the virtual call. The doctor thought it sounded like it could be appendicitis or an ovarian cyst, which present similar symptoms, or possibly just a bad stomach bug, but advised seeking a physical urgent care.

At this point, I was feeling absolutely wrecked. I remember lying down on the floor, dizzy and feverish, calling my parents, trying to decide what to do. The funny thing is, they're usually the first to urge caution, but they thought it might be worth waiting a few hours, offering to drive over (they lived 300 miles away) and help me.

But I just knew that something was really wrong. I couldn't walk to take the subway, I was too weak, and because I live in lolmerica, I was terrified of incurring ambulance costs, so I called an uber. I could barely make it down the long hall to the elevator and out to the curb. I kept having to hold onto the wall, so light-headed I was worried I'd pass out.

They drove me to the hospital I'd punched into the app, and I dragged myself to the desk, and from there things went about as you'd expect, aside from the incident where they put a fluid IV in wrong and my arm started slowly inflating with the fluid instead. 😱

They weren't able to get me into operation until later that evening, and apparently I had been hours away from it bursting, which makes recovery a lot harder.

I just remember thinking afterward that if I had lived in anywhere other than the modern era, I just...would have died. I would have been dead before thirty, and it would have been recorded as some fever, or the "burst belly" that Baelon's death was ruled as. It's such a strange feeling.

Anyway, that's my unasked-for story of why I have such a soft spot for Baelon and why I really wanted him to live in at least one of my AUs. Because I too would have died, had I been in his place.

Addendum: Even though I had quite good insurance, I still owed about $1,500 out of pocket for that life-saving operation.

Addendum 2: Laparoscopic surgery is amazing. I spoke at a conference a week after my surgery. Granted, I was sore and weak and paid for it, but I was able to do it!

Addendum 3: Since ovarian cysts and appendicitis present so similarly, they checked me for both, meaning I have two scars, not just one!

[sunderingstars]

simulated universe addendum: ace trash digger

— i can’t believe i came across this occurrence literally the day after i posted my simulated universe analysis (talk about timing), so here’s me yapping about it!

— written during 2.6

— word count: short, list format

not only is this occurrence in every single simulated universe update (wow!) but it seems to be a more belobog-connected piece of potential sampo material!

— “he” pronouns. matches with sampo koski as we know him.

— he’s carrying a trashcan and the name of the occurence is “ace trash digger.” this is a pretty easy link to belobog since that’s the planet that has the most trashcan-related shenanigans. also, since he’s carrying it i can almost see the trashcan as symbolic of belobog itself — i.e. sampo and his little garbage planet he cares about and likes to carry around.

— “treasured trashcan.” once again, i can pretty easily see the trashcan as belobog, so the occurrence might actually be referencing sampo and his “treasured jarilo-vi.”

— he has a collection of “pitiful love poems.” this could connect to sampo’s theme of love, particularly broken hearts, as seen in things like his e4 and heart-bomb burst. these love poems may be written to aha as part of some lingering attachment, or may also be written towards belobog itself since he seems to care about the place so much.

— “put your waste in it, and the items will evolve into an advanced awareness, then come running out energetically on their own!” if the trashcan is symbolic of belobog and the person is supposed to be sampo, i would take a doll theory reading on this. with how much doll theory relies on the “betrayal” of a creator towards its creation, i almost see this as meta commentary on how aha may have betrayed or “discarded” sampo.

— it makes sense, after all, that aha would get bored with their creations quite easily (at least given the whole worm debacle), and what else to do than to discard it? it may be that sampo was not always like this, but evolved to become more “aware” after being abandoned on jarilo-vi, which aha may have seen as just some backwater junkyard snow planet.

— (honestly, the idea of jarilo-vi being seen as a cosmic junkyard is so funny to me. like, aha basically did the equivalent of driving their pickup truck to the scrap heap at the edge of town and tossing everything in. very mundane to them, totally traumatizing to sampo.)

— from there, i would interpret this occurrence as saying sampo slowly rejoined the wider universe — i.e. “running out energetically” on his own. this likely included becoming part of the masked fools or trying to re-contact aha. (alternatively, this could be what is going on currently in canon, with belobog and, by extension, sampo, becoming more present on the galactic stage.) this may have actually surprised the aeon themself (if they even cared anymore), as it would essentially be the equivalent of throwing out a stuffed animal halfway across town, only for it to get up, walk, and find its way back to your house weeks later talking like “why have you forsaken me, father?”. this may even be how sampo became an emanator — aha may have found the whole situation so hilarious they decided to promote sampo on the spot.

— overall, if the trashcan is meant to be belobog and sampo is meant to be the waste (like “hazardous waste” in the friendship is magic event), then this occurrence may be hinting at sampo’s backstory of being discarded by aha on jarilo-vi.

— hunt option (swarm disaster). mean, why are we being so mean?! i would never steal from sampo, i’m simply built different.

— remembrance option (swarm disaster). “you recall the past lives of these discarded objects” implies a sort of sentience and agency. even though the objects may not be at “advanced awareness” yet, they clearly still have past experiences and lives. comparatively, i would say this may mean that sampo, although only recently evolving into a unique kind of sentience, has always been “alive.” for me, i see this as gaining personhood, or perhaps new perspectives on life. he may have started as a toy with no real agency of his own, but he’s been able to find some sort of autonomy for himself on belobog, even being able to reach beyond the love and find the “hate” for a creator who treated him cruelly.

— erudition option (gold and gears). erudition once again! man, erudition and elation love going hand-in-hand. “even trash has its unique ‘value’” seems to send a deeper, general message. not only is it the erudition doing what the erudition tends to do when confronted with something new — find its value, either through experimentation or dismantling — but it communicates the idea that even though something may be seen as worthless or forgotten, it still holds purpose. even though sampo may be seen in the eyes of his creator as a “discarded doll,” he still has value. he’s still a person. he still has his own hopes, thoughts, and dreams. although the erudition likely means this phrase in a more troublesome “let’s take him apart to see what he’s made of” way, a nice message can still be gleaned.

— normal option. as with all other options, there’s a big theme of “transaction,” or exchanging items for more. i don’t have a lot to say about it, other than it fits right in with sampo’s con-man trade and propensity for bargaining.

— i found it a bit surprising at first that there was no elation option, given how that would’ve been a more solid link to sampo, but perhaps there isn’t supposed to be. perhaps, aha stuffed toy having an elation option is meant to be symbolic of a time aha cared enough to turn their gaze of sampo, but here the occurrence is dealing with the period of and after his abandonment. in this case, there may be no elation option because aha quite simply does not care enough for there to be one. he’s all alone. sad :((

overall, i can’t believe this one almost slipped under my nose while doing my simulated universe analysis! the irony is not lost on me that i almost passed over it in a similar way to others in-universe; i guess the “cosmic junkyard” planet really did its job !! i think this has some nice little tidbits for the potential timeline of doll theory, and gives some insight into what sampo’s “betrayal” might have been! (also, of course aha would do something like this. of course lol)

thanks for reading!

© analysis by sunderingstars. do not copy, repost, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[positivelybeastly]

Goats Gremlin Gibber-Jabber part 2:

Oh we’re so back baby

Ahem ahem. First thing on the itinerary: Welcome back! Missed youuuu <3

Second thing:

HANK PUT EMMA BACK TOGETHER WHEN SHE WAS SHATTERED????

Hi in this session of my gibberish thoughts, my friend and I with our blogs made hank and Emma a thing, and there was something about them that made us so ill for them together. Granted my hank isn’t exclusive, but something with Emma clicked. And then. AND THEN

The fucking shattering of Emma, Hank discovering it after he had planned to try and cheer her up?

And then him DEDICATING himself to put her back together. And like like he got so far???

HE GOT CRAZY FAR BEFORE JEAN INTERVENED WITH THE PHEONIX.

I’ve been lost in the sauce from that moment on.

The fact that when someone said “Oh nobody liked her.” So everyone was a suspect, and he went “I liked her.” And then the fact he was convinced she couldn’t actually be dead, and then spent that time putting her back together even when the pieces were in the hundreds of THOUSANDS.

I’ve become ill from this (/pos) and I wanna hear your take on this section cause I just aaaagh.

Sincerely,

that weird fucking goat that keeps popping up and biting people.

Adding your addendum here so I can answer all in one go. :)

So, like . . . okay.

Hank and Emma's friendship is really special to me, and it all ties back to the way that Grant Morrison conceptualised Hank, when they came on to write New X-Men. It's worth noting that neither Hank, or Emma, were actually meant to be on the team when Morrison first pitched their story, they were originally going to be Colossus and Moira MacTaggert, but both had recently died. This is why Emma gets her diamond form secondary mutation - she's acting as the bruiser of the team in absence of Colossus.

So, how does Grant Morrison conceptualise Hank?

No dark secrets. Nothing to hide. The sweetest guy. The best heart.

These are the architects of modern X-Men, by the way. Morrison and Hickman. This is how they see Hank McCoy, and though they may have many flaws in their writing styles and their stories may fumble certain things, I think that they have an opinion worth noting. Their effect on modern X-Men is undeniable.

So, Emma and Hank meet, and they already have chemistry. They are both incredibly sharp, incredibly brilliant, incredibly witty, incredibly cultured individuals, and though they may (at this time) have very different moral compasses, it's very clear that there's a spark of friendship already, especially when you compare Hank's immediate sympathy to how Jean treats her literally a page later.

Something that's underrated about Morrison's Jean is that she's kind of not very nice a lot of the time, but you understand why. She's going through some shit in this series, and she has a very, very, very valid reason to hate Emma after Dark Phoenix, so her trying to reach out is what she thinks she should do, but calling her a bitch is what she wants to do, really - and Emma doesn't give a fuck. Or at the very least, she's very good at making it look like she doesn't give a fuck.

This is another aspect of why I think Hank and Emma have such good chemistry: they are both masters of control and appearance. They both spend so, so, so much time cultivating a specific image so that they can't be hurt - Hank obfuscates and hides behind big words, big concepts, big gestures, while Emma snarks and affects cool, sniping at anyone who might dare get close.

Like recognises like. I almost think it's a sort of game for them, to perform and poke at one another, knowing that they each know each other's secrets, but with an unspoken agreement that they won't go too far.

Emma jabs and pokes and prods, and Hank shuts her down in three sentences. If there were any malice or anger in this interaction, it wouldn't stop the way it does. There's no lingering animosity between them, there's no heat. It's two theatrical bitches in superhero clothes pretending that their personal lives aren't a mess by being extra bitchy at one another, and I think that they love that.

It's also worth noting that Hank, at this stage, is still an extremely moral presence, an unquestionable good guy (Threnody revisionism notwithstanding, don't at me, I've heard it before), and Emma is very much not. She's still the woman who was part of the Hellfire Club, who worked against the X-Men, who was part of Genosha, Magneto's regime - but Hank doesn't browbeat her with it. It only ever comes up when he's convinced that she's turned on them.

A moment of panic, but Emma doesn't take him to task for it - if anything, I like to think she might have actually been a bit grateful, because it made her plan seem all the more authentic, to have someone screaming that she can't do this. He then immediately apologises, and compliments her. It doesn't come up again. He judges her by her current actions, not by her past, and this is something that's very consistent with Hank, if you look at the wider tapestry of his life, because who else does he judge by his current actions and not his past?

Oh yeah. Hank forgives. Hank understands.

And I always find it interesting how he takes Scott and Emma's affair. He doesn't criticise Emma for it, but he does take Scott to task. Why? Well, it could be Morrison's take on who's responsible for the affair bleeding through, but I think it's more that Hank knows that Emma is still working on herself, still improving her behaviour, still in the process of becoming better, and he's willing to give her the space to do that, but Scott?

Scott, I think Hank believes has less of an excuse. But again, he doesn't make a thing of it until it comes to a boiling point. He warns Scott, and Scott doesn't listen. And when it's all said and done, Hank makes it clear that Scott and Emma's lives may be their own, but he has his own feelings on it, and he's capable of holding multiple emotional viewpoints at once.

Like, this is a lot of leeway and a lot of grace that Hank is affording Emma here, considering she was just as guilty of initiating the affair as Scott was, if not more so - but again. He expects better of Scott. He knows Scott knows right from wrong, and where his obligations lie, and he expects him to be faithful to his wife. Hank knows Emma is flirting, being very sexually open, but he knows that that is partly affectation, partly bait, partly exploration, and partly a fuck you aimed at Jean, who she just plain doesn't like. Harping on at her about it will not make her stop, and will only drive her not to trust Hank. And it becomes increasingly clear, as the series goes on, that Emma does trust and value Hank, quite a lot, actually.

Now, it's not like Emma needs an excuse to be cruel and to make a scene, but that's not really what this is, is it? Look at the order in which she addresses the journalist. She's offended - "I beg your pardon!" - but what at? "This man is a world-renowned scientist!"

She doesn't take offence to the idea that people hate mutants because trouble follows them where they go. She takes offence to her being insulting to Hank specifically. She elevates Hank, and degrades her opponent. This is not something Emma does often, she usually just skips to the degradation! Hank doesn't even expect it! Look at the little lines around his head in the panel with Emma blown up large in the psychic landscape! He was absolutely going to let that comment go by, and not make a thing of it, and Emma chose to make the moment about standing up for him, and he did not expect it.

But he values it, nonetheless. And he puts his paw on her, and thanks her.

Reminder, this is how she reacted to another man putting his hands on her just a few issues before.

Now, granted, we don't see where Logan's hand is, but the man's generally a gentleman, despite his reputation, so I think she just doesn't like to be touched . . . generally. But she doesn't mind it when Hank touches her, and thanks her for standing up for him. Something which she does not do for many people. Reminder, this is how she reacts to Jean having a straight up psychic fit in front of her.

Like, there's a degree to which this is bravado and humour, because Emma is tending to Jean here, but I guarantee you that this is not how she would have acted if Hank had been the one to fall in distress.

And going back to the panels where Logan is helping her up - I don't know if it's just me, but there's something very purposeful in the fact that Emma and Hank are both on the right hand side of the page, with Emma engaging her diamond form so that she doesn't have to feel, denying her own compassion, while Hank stands in shadow, looking mournful, defeated, quietly furious, unable to do anything but feel his compassion.

Perhaps that's something that Emma admires in Hank. The fact that he has no dark secrets, that he does, in at least some ways, wear his heart on his sleeve; that he has no choice but to feel. He is a good man. And it's easy to forget, in a world where cynical media and cynical people surround us, but there is something charismatic and likeable and warm about good people. Even if you might consider them foolish, people who fail to be good often envy those who try, even though they might face insurmountable odds.

Hank's refusal to accept that the world has to be a place of cruelty and disbelief and skepticism and fear has a way of rankling the cynics around him. It's one of my favourite things about him.

It has a way of paying off.

How often does Emma Frost listen to someone again . . ?

And then . . . yeah. We come to the assembly.

"Fuck you, I liked her."

She listened. She laughed. She spoke Byron back to him. Do you ever think about just how often Hank gets that? Fucking never, I bet!! It must just be so refreshing to quote, and for the other person to know.

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods, There is a rapture on the lonely shore, There is society where none intrudes, By the deep Sea, and music in its roar: I love not Man the less, but Nature more, From these our interviews, in which I steal From all I may be, or have been before, To mingle with the Universe, and feel What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.

Of course it's a romantic poet. Of course it's Byron.

And then, the assembly . . . ouuuuuuaghhh . . .

Like, people love for their characters to have feats, right? People love that Storm was the Regent of Arakko, and faced down the Horsemen. People love that Cyclops put the Void in a little box in his mind and told it no. People love that Jean chased down Enigma all the way through space and time and destroyed him. People love it when all the things that epitomise a character come together in a moment that speaks to the truth of them - their strength, their control, their refusal to give up. It's not just about power, it's about what that moment says about their personality, right?

What's Hank's?

It's putting together a 11,100,277 piece puzzle of a human body. Not with textbooks and screens around him, but by memory - and why? He says it's because he always loved jigsaw puzzles as a child, but that's not the real reason, is it? It's because it's important to him that she be complete, that she be afforded respect. It's important to him that someone showed that they cared.

It's because he thinks that there's a chance.

It's hope. It's sheer, bloody minded hope. 11 million pieces. It's insane. And yet. He did it, and it worked, and she was whole again.

Roses and wine and a good book and a baritone rendition of Gluck's Orpheus and Eurydice . . . oh, Hank. He even calls himself la bete, the Beast - a codename we know he doesn't really care for all that much, especially in light of his recent mutation - just so that he can affect playfulness and brightness and infectious good mood.

He really cared for her. And she really cared for him.

I seriously miss this dynamic. It was really very beautiful.

And thank you for the welcome back! It's good to be back!

[educating-bimbos]

The Pinned Post 2

new pinned post because tumblr hid my old one from my view so I can't see, edit it, or reblog it to add an addendum. I only have a few things to add, so I am just going to copy and paste it.

Who is Educating Bimbos?

My name is Nicolette. I am a technical artist, musician, and an outdoorsy type of gal. I enjoy the finer things in life, and I fancy myself a traditional woman and a bimbo. I don't really enjoy mindlessly obsessing over labels, but if it helps people gauge where my brain is at, I am pro-patriarchy, in favor of traditional gender roles and dynamics, an ex-feminist, and before all else a believer in one's ability to exercise personal freedoms. My beliefs, mannerisms, and presentation attract the ire of feminists, born-again-religious types, and any number of anti-fun douchebags. At the end of the day, just remember that behind this silly blog is a silly person.

What is Educating Bimbos?

It is a blog and small community of bimbos looking to learn more about and express a traditional lifestyle. It is also about people who may not be familiar with or comfortable around things like BDSM get a nice and soft introduction to it without being exposed immediately to the idea of how people can enjoy things in a pseudo-sexual context. At the end of the day, it is a blog and community where I and other like-minded people can express silly ideas without the fear of being lambasted by people seeking to harm others.

Where is Educating Bimbos?

Educating Bimbos can be found in one of these two places.

Why is Educating Bimbos?

Well for a while I was annoyed by the lack of communities that focused on a kind of "hyper-feminine" aesthetic while also promoting more traditional ideas. There was also the issue of communities that have tried this before of devolving into bigoted and abusive communities that would do everything under the sun to create an insular and ToS breaking community. I spoke with a friend of mine who runs a similar community a while ago and she inspired me to give this a shot. Now - close to 3 years later - I have a steadily growing community that pulls from all corners of ideology, cultural, ethnic, and interest level and the discord has been almost completely drama-free in its whole existence.

When is Educating Bimbos?

I am alive and doing silly stuff all day, every day. Except when it is nap time in which case I will be in the realm of dreams.

What's an ex-lesbian and why do you call yourself that?

For a number of very personal reasons, I have decided to call myself an ex-lesbian. I did this of my own volition, and I was not pressured into doing so. For a long time, I had thought of myself as a lesbian, mostly because of socialization and how all the girls around me were so might as well follow suit. I experienced a number of harmful and traumatic events when I considered myself a lesbian and it effected how I view myself. After a while and talking to some friends who I trust dearly, I came to the realization that I am not a lesbian and that it really isn't a thing I identify with the same way others do. I am still trying to come to grips with that given I only relatively recently had that realization. I also feel that people use that term in bad faith to harm people and to push bad narratives and ideas so I thought "hey might as well try and take back what should be an innocuous phrase."

In short, I think an ex-lesbian is just a way of identifying one's sexuality similar to asexuality or demisexuality. It is not that I am one sexuality or another, it's that my sexuality is defined by my experience and coming of age.

I have had a number of people confront me about this, talk to me about it in sincere curiosity, and even attack me. I welcome anyone who is curious or has a genuine contention to come to me in DMs, I am not a mean person, and I will love to talk honestly and respectfully. I find that disagreement is not grounds to discredit or avoid befriending people, I hope you can do the same.

Further questions for Educating Bimbos?

If you find that these questions are unsatisfactory in any regard, or you wish to try your hand at doing what I do, follow these two links!

Ask me anything!

Ask me anything you want! I have some personal rules with regards to what I can and cannot upload, but this is generally the best way for me to answer any question you may have. I also have anonymous asks enabled just in case you are shy.

Submit a post!

If you think I should be made aware of something, post something, or if you just want to signal boost something try this. So far, I have no real rules or expectations so do whatever you want with this button.

[moongothic]

You know, S-Crocodile has the potential to be an interesting addendum for Crocodad bc Crocodile just learned that his son is alive, and then two years after that, boom: clone Lunarian baby (who's also technically kinda sorta Luffy's half-brother?). The thing is, even if Crocodile bridges the gap between him and Luffy, Luffy's not the baby boy that Crocodile lost so long ago. He can take care of himself, has an entire crew to lead, and they may not see each other except for rare occasions. Crocodile didn't get to raise Luffy and will never get that time back. But S-Crocodile is a still a child who will likely have zero clue what to do without the programming and, since baby crocodiles are famous for loudly calling out for their mothers, may be desperate for a parental figure.

S-Crocodile is not a replacement for Luffy by any means, but more like a second kid had later in life who Crocodile was never expecting but who gives him the chance to parent in a way that he couldn't before.

See this is a much sweeter idea than me being like "what if Crocodile dies without getting to really experience being loved by his family/a community and have people care about him and so instead Luffy/other people end up projecting those feelings onto S-Croc and make sure he gets the love and community Crocodile never got to have"

Everytime I think about the lost time Crocodad implies I just die a little inside. Like Dragon might not have gotten to be with his son either, but at least he got to spy on Luffy on occassion, at least he got to check on him from afar and see him, know how he was doing, at least he knew Luffy's name. Crocodile didn't get any of that, and never will. Like you said, that time has been lost, and this hourglass can't be turned back and reset.

What is interesting though is that the Seraphim are supposed to have the personality traits of the OGs. Crocodile is quite independent, so I feel like S-Croc should be (or at least want to be, so he can appear strong etc) independent too, right? So S-Croc might want to be kind of a lone wolf, even if deep down he was sad due to his loneliness?

What's more though is that indeed, we don't know if S-Croc is pre-T or male (since he was made from post-T Croc DNA, and we don't know if Iva-chan's HRT affects DNA/those changes applied to the Seraphim). 'Cause if S-Croc is pre-T, Crocodile should know and understand how dysphoria is gonna hit S-Croc as he gets older (which is gonna be soon, since the Seraphim age faster). And like. I could see Crocodile just feeling bad for his Mini-Me because of that. I could imagine Crocodile just dragging S-Croc to Iva-chan (if there's an opportunity for it) and get that clone some T, spare him from going through the wrong puberty etc.

Point is, I feel like if Crocodile did somehow end up taking care of his Mini-Me, it might not be because S-Croc expressed a need for it. But it might be because Crocodile would be forced to reflect on his own feelings, knowing and understanding full-well how S-Croc would feel (be it about gender or loneliness), and just. Let the Dad Instincts take over, regardless of if the Seraphim likes it or not?

[queen-scribbles]

"You definitely needed the sleep." Would be the PERFECT Shenko prompt :3

You are correct! Have some Emily/Kaidan fluff. ^^ ---

Emily woke with a heartbeat in her ear.

She lay still, face down, warm and cozy, as she pieced together where she was and whose heartbeat she was hearing. On the couch, in the living room, to the first. Kaidan's, of course, to the second.

She was laying with her head on his chest, their legs tangled together and his arm loosely draped over the small of her back. One of her hands had dropped to brush against the rug, and she could feel the warmth of Mo nearby even if the dog wasn't touching her.

The vid. It hit like thunder and Emily muttered in annoyance at herself as she jerked fully awake.

Kaidan was watching her. "Hey, sleepyhead."

"Sorry," she mumbled, letting her head fall back against his sternum.

"Hey you don't need to apologize." He kissed the top of her head.

"We've been tryin' to watch this for weeks and I drift off the first real chance we get?" Emily tipped her head, resting her chin on his chest so she could meet his eye. "Seems like it might be warranted, Kay."

Kaidan chuckled. "Nah, if you were tired enough to go out that fast, you definitely needed the sleep." He rubbed her back. "Were the girls that much of a handful this morning?"

"Not in a bad way," she said with a sigh. "But they're always excited about going to stay with Meema and Papa-Tom. And no one who warned me about three year old energy levels included the addendum that it compounds rather'n just adding or multiplying when you have more than one who are equally excited."

"Infinity times infinity?" he asked with a sympathetic smile.

"Mm. I love 'em with all of my heart, but those two can be more exhausting that N7 training some days." She grinned. "Best of luck to your parents, along with my heartfelt gratitude."

"You know they love it, Em."

"Mm-hm. And I love the chance to relax." She smiled sheepishly. "Even if I relaxed too far and missed the vid."

"Seriously, don't worry about that, we can try again later if watching it means that much to you." Kaidan's eyes glinted mischievously. "Far as I'm concerned, there's much worse ways to spend a couple hours than watching my wife sleep."

Her face heated. "Hours?! Babe, why didn't you move? You know I sleep like the dead."

"First of all, who says this isn't right where I wanna be?" He arched a brow and shifted to settle even more into the couch cushions. "Second, you've done the same for me through more migraines than I can count. Third," he rolled on when she opened her mouth, "I did think about it, but I drifted off, too." His dimple showed when he smiled. "I guess we both needed the sleep."

Mollified by the fact he hadn't been awake and trapped the whole time, Emily stretched up to kiss him. "I think I could stay awake through the vid now, if you wanna try again?"

Kaidan laughed softly. "You sure, sweetheart?"

"Mm-hm." She nuzzled in against his chest. "Or we could just snuggle some more."

"Ooh, I like that plan."

I knew you were a smart man. "Good, me, too."

The vid would keep.

[regicidal-defenestration]

ROWAN I wanna start watching Old Who, where should I start

Doctors 1 thru 7 are on tubi but they don't seem to have 8 for some reason :( I could also dig up the TV movie or something, i remember watching at least 1 doctor who movie on vhs at my grandma's but I don't know which one it was

OKAY SO the first rule of watching Classic Who is having fun and being yourself

Further than that:

First Doctor - Start at the start!

Classic move! Put on An Unearthly Child and watch them all in the order that God, or at least the BBC*, intended

(*disregarding the ones, all from the First or Second Doctor's runs, that were purged from the archives as part of due process back then. Some have been reconstructed in a variety of ways, others remain entirely lost)

Pros of starting here: Easy! You get to watch the show develop into what it is today and you don't have to piece together context in ways you might have to to be willing to starting elsewhere

Cons of starting here: The show started very differently to what it is today. The pacing is sometimes slower, sometimes just by the nature of the story, sometimes because they had 2 episodes worth of plot they had to fit into 6 parts

Seventh Doctor - Start at the... end?

The Seventh Doctor, particularly when he's joined by Ace McShane at the end of s24, is arguably the most similar to modern DW. The first Classic Who episodes I ever watched were Dragonfire and The Happiness Patrol after I was given them on DVD as a gift

Pros of starting here: we've got drama we've got a Doctor who's a little bit fucked up with his schemes we've got a teenager willing (for better or for worse) to jump into the fight, it's often familiar to a modern DW watcher and as good a place as any to start. Also has a incredibly high proportion of banger serials, something I realised later down this post when trying to pick a few to recommend

Cons of starting here: plot threads that never develop into what they promise, due to the show getting cancelled in series 25. You may also be left with the reasonable question of "okay so I've watched the end bit of DW, now what?"

Eighth Doctor - Why is my tumblr mutual abnormal about this man

Never got a TV series :(. He has like three televised appearances: a minisode made for the show's 50th anniversary, a cameo in an episode made for the BBC's 100th anniversary, and the TV movie Doctor Who (1996), which was an attempt at bringing the show back after it got cancelled in 1989

Pros of starting here: doesn't directly follow on from any previous stories and since you already know who these guys (the Doctor and the Master) are, you know all the relevant backstories (other than a few new pieces of lore they throw in just for this film, to really piss off a certain kind of diehard DW fan)

Cons of starting here: as much as I love it dearly, and regard it as a masterpiece of cinema, I do acknowledge it would be massively improved by, for example, a coherent plot. There's a reason it took until 2005 for the show to come back properly and it wasn't because everybody at the time loved this film

Addendum - Watching orders are overrated

The order I've been watching Classic Who in has gone 7 -> 5 -> 3, excluding the odd single serials I've watched from 1, 4, and 6. The world can be your oyster if you're willing to sometimes skim some character's wiki page to find out who they're supposed to be. Some ones I recommend(*) and ones I haven't seen but have been reliably recommended by friends(+) are:

First Doctor

The Romans (+)

The Gunfighters (+)

-> DW's first musical serial!

Second Doctor

The Tomb of the Cybermen (+)

Fury from the Deep (+)

The War Games (+)

Third Doctor

Spearhead from Space (*)

Inferno (*)

The Curse of Peladon (*)

-> Really this is because I am just so delighted by Alpha Centauri whenever it appears

The Green Death (*)

Fourth Doctor

The Ark in Space (+)

Horror of Fang Rock (+)

City of Death (*)

-> Co-written by Douglas Adams this one, and is one of those stories that's pretty much as good as everyone says it is

Fifth Doctor

Castrovalva (*)

-> Does follow directly on from the previous serial Logopolis, featuring companions introduced throughout s18, but at the time of writing I still haven't watched Logopolis so you're probably fine? Good serial for fans of fucked up architecture and blonde men in distress

Earthshock (*)

The Caves of Androzani (*)

Sixth Doctor

Vengeance on Varos (+)

Revelation of the Daleks (+)

Seventh Doctor

Remembrance of the Daleks (*)

The Greatest Show in the Galaxy (*)

-> Occupies an interesting place in DW history as it is in pretty much direct response to fans at the time, to the extent they kill off a parody of an obsessive DW fan who may or may not be Chris Chibnall. Mostly I'm recommending it because it has really really good clown costuming

The Curse of Fenric (*)

Survival (*)

-> Lesbian furry serial

[redstringraven]

an excruciatingly long ramble about the '03 turtles and the enneagram 🐢❤ pt2

[ intro + disclaimers post ] [ pt 3 - leo ] [ pt 4 - don ] [ pt 5 - mikey ]

raph, 8 with a 7 wing

intro + why raph

welcome to the first of these giant posts. i’m. not kidding, you’re gonna click ‘read more’ and see why this series is titled “an excruciatingly long ramble”. i’ve done my best to section it off so you might have an easier time finding your place again if you need or want to take breaks. there’s no way i’m going to cover everything there is to talk about, so i might write and link ‘addendums’ to these posts later on as i think of things.

since raph is the first one, his might be a bit longer than the other three because there are a few enneagram terms that i’ll define as we go. you can then take those with you to the upcoming three posts. so please bear with me, grab a snack, a drink, some nice background music, and WE RIDE.

• . • . •

i wanted to start this project with raph because i feel like we start the series at his lowest/unhealthiest point.

only four episodes into the show (meet casey jones, s1ep4) we see him lose control of his temper in a serious way: he attacks mikey. throughout the rest of the episode he's forced to ‘face himself’ in casey and start monitoring his anger.

while we see him continue to grapple with his anger throughout the series, this is his worst moment. he has nowhere to go but up. in contrast, we see leo in probably his healthiest state of mind at the beginning of the series only to be at his worst in the first half of season 4. but back to raph; we'll have time for leo later.

as the series continues, we see glimpses of this temper rear its head again, with some examples being at the end of their encounter with karai in city at war (s2ep16) or during his fight with traximus in the battle nexus (s2ep24). in these instances, we get a close-up shot of his eyes narrowing and, with traximus, the area around them darkening. this was something that was specifically focused on during s1ep4 whenever he began to lose control. the loss of control is still THERE, it’s just less frequent now. he’s growing.

i think it’s also important to highlight that mikey ribs on him during the battle nexus (s2ep25) not unlike how he does in s1ep4, too. sure, they might be in an environment that shields them from danger of serious injuries, but i think it says a LOT that mikey’s comfortable provoking raph to the degree he does. raph’s acted on his apology, has done work, and mikey knows this. he's watched him do it. it's time already to be The Worst™ again.

but enough about why i chose raph to go first; let's cover the basics of an 8.

bare basics of the 8

as stated in the introductory post, the enneagram focuses heavily on the why and the motivation behind your behavior.

8s are one of the three assertive types (along with 3s and 7s), and they’re a part of the gut triad (made of 8s, 9s, and 1s). assertives can be described as moving 'against people'. they respond to stress or difficulty by building up, reinforcing, or inflating their ego; they will expand rather than back down or seek protection. assertive types will often have issues processing their feelings.

the gut triad may also be referred to as the ‘doing’ or the ‘instinct’ triad, as they respond instinctively and tend to be honest and direct in their self expression. i’ve also seen it referred to as the ‘anger’ triad since these types tend to have problems with aggression and repression, and they can carry a great deal of rage. types in the gut triad seek autonomy and are concerned with resistance and control of their environment. an 8 externalizes it. a 9 forgets it. and a 1 internalizes it. there’s a lot more information about the triads out there, but this is what we’ll take with us for now.

an 8’s basic fear is that of being harmed or controlled by others, of violation.

their basic desire is to protect themselves and determine their own course in life.

they believe they’ll be okay so long as they are strong and in control of their situation.

childhood take-aways

at an early age, 8s begin to understand that in order to keep their environments, themselves, and the people they care about from being hurt, they have to have willpower, persistence, and endurance. 8s often “grow up too quickly” and focus on survival issues. they’ve picked up that “might makes right”.

we don’t get to see a lot of the boys’ youth, but we’re given an idea in the first episode, things change (s1ep1), of the perspective they were raised under. i’ll be referring back to that throughout this section of each post. master splinter states:

“your path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.”

8s ask themselves “how can i--and the few people i care about--survive in a cruel, uncaring world?”. it’s possible that this way of thinking was only solidified by movies they saw growing up, or even witnessing what casey was going through during the lesson (s3ep13). if the outside world isn’t friendly to what it considers ‘normal’, then surely it won’t be kind to what’s different.

8s were often independent, adventuresome, and assertive as children. they'd be found running ahead of the pack. they’re the kid who will stand up to the playground bully without flinching. they might have questioned authority, trusting themselves more than most adults, which lead to being punished frequently.

8s often find themselves in the role of the scapegoat, the “black sheep” or problem child. raph even calls attention to this, himself, in his ‘03 profile: referring to himself as “the angry young man” and “the dark one”.

it's brief, but i think we get a glimpse of this in s2ep23 at the start of the battle nexus arc: master splinter starts to express his disappointment in leo for following him to the nexus, but raph steps in immediately to shoulder the blame. he could have stayed quiet but, no. he’s the ‘problem child’ here. he can take the heat.

raph as an 8

now that we've touched on the basics of an 8, as well as a few things they may have picked up early in life, let's take a look at raph and his 8.

8s can sometimes be nicknamed: ‘the challenger’, ‘the leader’, ‘the protector’, ‘the provider’, ‘the entrepreneur’, ‘the maverick’, or ‘the rock’.

i’ll continue to refer to raph by his numerical type because, while the nicknames that grant a surface idea of their behavior, most users of the enneagram prefer to avoid descriptive labels. one 8 might feel being called ‘the provider’ suits them while another 8 might not see themselves in that label at all. nicknames are quick summaries/general ideas, but it’s good practice to use the number type itself.

an ‘average’ 8, in terms of their mental and spiritual health, tends to be a steamroller rather than a diplomat and have a black and white way of thinking: people are good or bad, an opinion is right or wrong, the answer is yes or no, etc. this isn’t to say raph can’t acknowledge nuance (far from it), but rather that 8s believe not having clarity or absolute certainty about your position and viewpoints represents weakness or--worse--cowardice. the rest of us have opinions, the 8 has facts. they don’t have a lot of patience for indecisive people, and they might use aggression to emotionally protect themselves. many exhibit an abundance of common sense.

8s are extraordinarily tough, physically and mentally. they can absorb a great deal of punishment without batting an eye. raph has a tendency to be the one catching blows for his brothers or guarding them during fights. we can refer back to being the 'problem child' as well; he can handle the heat. he’s an anchor who keeps his brothers grounded when worries spike, and he tends to be blunt, to the point, and possibly the most ‘world-wise’ out of the four.

8s want to be loved but often feel rejected or like misfits, which becomes more evident in their “take it or leave it” attitude as they get older. you can accept them as they are, or you can get out. they attempt to protect themselves by rejecting others first, and they might develop a fear of dependency. the “i don’t need you guys” sort of mentality. during tales of leo (s1ep19), raph even says “who needs you?” to leo before he tells his story.

it likely goes without saying that raph, like many 8s, admires strength. since their basic fear revolves so much around maintaining what power and control they have, 8s are the types of people who can walk into a room and immediately know who holds the most ‘power’. they’ll just as likely be deciding whether or not that power is deserved, and if they’ll be with or against it. it probably took raph like, what, five seconds to realize that one big alien was the head honcho in the big house (s2ep3) and he took them out first excuse he got.

raph wants people to challenge him back; an 8 can quickly lose respect for you if you’re unwilling to stand toe-to-toe with them (even if the 8 disagrees with you, they'll respect that you held your ground). they also want the truth. they don’t want you to ‘protect’ them from unpleasant details or facts. if they don't have all the information--no matter how harsh or unpleasant it may be--they can't control the situation or hope to reach their desired outcome.

let’s elaborate a bit on what the hell a ‘wing’ is. the enneagram is depicted as a wheel--kind of like a clock, if that helps you picture it without a visual aid (albeit i’ll link one here; ignore the arrows for now, we'll return to them).

a type’s wing are the two numbers that neighbor it on the wheel. the wings for an 8 are: 7 and 9. when someone says they’re a type “with a wing”, that means that they feel influenced in some way by that neighboring type. since the enneagram looks at ‘why’ and motives, you might find that the wing you lean toward more might fluctuate or change as you grow and experience life.

i'm confident raph is an 8w7, meaning his enneagram type is an 8 but he takes influence from 7. delightful, then, that mikey’s a 7. i think it’s a nice little way to tie them together when it’s time for Shenanigans™.

8s who have 7 wings are sometimes called ‘the independents’. along with being one of the most energetic and sociable types, people of this subtype tend to be risk-takers, adventurous, and combine the 8’s need for intensity with the 7’s love of anticipation. they’re practical, pragmatic, competitive, and not concerned with pleasing others, but also tend to be lead by their feelings, resulting in them being impatient and impulsive. they might be more confrontational and aggressive and are less likely to back down from a fight than an 8w9.

i remember seeing a link to one of those character… personality across all quizzes type of wikis somewhere and if memory serves raph was listed as an 8w9. i can’t help but wonder if that decision was made because it would give him two types on the instinct/gut triad, verses an 8w7 where his core type is on the instinct/gut triad, but his wing is in the thinking/head triad. we’ll discuss that one more when we get to don and mikey. *murmuring from the audience* yes, mikey is on the thinking/head triad. he’s actually fully on it, wing and all. *more murmuring from the audience* i’ll get to it, i’ll get to it.

but, no, 8s with a 9 wing have an almost deceptively laid back quality to them and are much more willing to be open and affectionate around their loved ones. 8w9s are sometimes nicknamed ‘the bear’ for that reason and, while highly protective and aggressive in being so, i don’t really think of raph when i think of that (you can see where labels might cause a problem). 8w9s are more willing to let their walls down in safe spaces; raph appears guarded and careful just about every time we see him no matter whose company he’s in. his walls only come down in periods of high emotion and, even then, he’s either reluctant to let them show or tries to hide them immediately after the moment passes, even getting angry that they managed to surface at all.

the wing isn't the only other type that influences your core number, though. let's talk about the other two.

stress & security numbers

as i said at the beginning of this post, raph’s is likely going to be the longest because i’ll be introducing various enneagram terms as we go along that you can apply to the other posts going forward. bear with me, please, this information is going to help in the last three sections of the post.

i stated that the enneagram can be compared to varying colors, or even a color wheel. There can be an infinite different types of red, but they are all still expressions of the same base hue. maybe an orange-red, a violet-red, a pale pink, the list goes on. likewise, the enneagram types take influence from the other types, even ones that wouldn’t be considered their wings. these would be their ‘stress’ and ‘security’ numbers.

‘stress’ and ‘security’ are meant to refer to the current mental health level of the individual, with security representing--as you might have guessed--the healthiest state of mind you can be in and stress being the unhealthier side of that. when a type is in an unhealthier state of mind, they begin to adopt the negative traits of their stress number. vise versa, when in a healthier and secure state of mind, they begin to adopt the positive traits of their security number. you may have noticed on the wheel i linked earlier all those arrows in the center. those point to a type's stress and security. let’s start with raph’s stress number.

raph’s stress number is 5. this means that in a stressed or unhealthy state of mind and spirit, raph begins to show the negative behaviors associated with 5s.

(i love looking at raph and don from the enneagram perspective because it’s a common misconception that don and raph are polar opposites. i think their link in their stress and security numbers illustrates that they have a lot more in common than seen on the surface. because raph’s stress number being 5 means that don’s security number is 8. but more on that when we get to don).

in times of high-stress or low-spirits, 8s will become solitary. they’ll minimize their own comfort, take poor care of themselves and may succumb to insomnia or unhealthy diets. they might spend more time brooding or strategizing to size up a situation than they might actively engage with it. they can become extremely cynical and contemptuous of the beliefs and values of others, nihilistic, and have little hope of reconnecting with themselves or those around them.

i'll cover this more in don's post but for some examples: don, being a 5, will often withdraw to his lab and overwork himself (we can see examples of this in s2ep13 return to the underground, or continuing to push himself despite being sick during the second half of season 4).

when it comes to raph, we have a few examples of the 5’s negative traits showing through in periods where he would be unhealthy mentally and spiritually:

when he realizes his temper’s getting out of hand, he’ll isolate himself and “get some air” (some examples, s1ep4, s1ep24)

he’s the most reluctant to talk to leo during tales of leo (s1ep19), and after his story he separates from the group to stand by the window (while not fully leaving the room to isolate, it’s the farthest he’s willing to go from leo's side)

he spends most of the city at war arc (s2ep14-16) retreating from the conflict, where leo is actively engaging with it

in same as it never was (s3ep21), raph has isolated himself from leo and mikey. he expresses contempt toward leo’s decision to leave master splinter behind. he’s the one who calls the situation “hopeless”.

an 8’s security number is a 2. when in a healthier state of mind, they take on the positive traits of a 2; they have the ability to see potential in people and want to help those people recognize resources and strengths they didn’t know they had. a key word for a healthy 8 is “empowerment”. they would agree with the phrase “give a person a fish and they eat for a day; teach them to fish and they can feed themselves for life”.

8s allowing their 2s to surface means learning to open their hearts to others, letting their guard down and expressing the tenderness they’ve so carefully hid away. it’s important to understand that this movement is not accomplished by imitating the qualities of a 2. an 8 must have greater contact with their hearts and grow comfortable with their gentler feelings. they need to stop equating vulnerability to weakness.

i think some good samples of raph’s 2 coming to the surface might be found:

the exchange with mikey as they're cornered by mousers; “well, it’s been fun, guys” “even me?” “especially you, mikey” (s1ep3)

helping leo recover in monster hunter (s1ep20) and forging a new set of swords with him

every fucking time he gasses don up, but for a specific example, return to the underground (s2ep13)

everything with mrs. morrison in touch and go (s3ep8)… just all of it. don’t even look at me.

throughout all hallows thieves (s4ep12) he’s cheery and even a little nostalgic toward halloweens past. we get an earnest, unguarded laugh out of him.

healthy, integrating 8s make outstanding leaders; they’re able to communicate their profound respect and admiration of others, and they better recognize boundaries and limits--especially their own.

HEY, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT LEADER THING. i'm sure some of you locked onto that when i listed 'the leader' in the nicknames section.

raph’s temperament and unwillingness to let his 2 surface often gets in the way of him taking a leadership position. he once expressed a desire to be the ‘top turtle’ but made the decision to follow leo. at the end of his flashback during tales of leo, we see him eagerly asking leo what he did to stop the alligator and enthusiastically following him back out of the tunnel. not a smidge of negative feedback in sight. i believe he recognizes and respects leo’s ability to lead, be it by strategy or morals, more than gives into his desire to lead. remember that as far as the 2003 series is concerned: leo is the UNOFFICIAL 'leader'; this is a role he naturally steps into, not a responsibility that was directly assigned to him (i think raph might even be the only one who refers to him as 'fearless leader' or a 'leader' at all, but i could be wrong). 8s don’t need to BE the person in control, they just don’t want to be controlled. they will follow other leaders who are decisive and have earned their respect. to anyone who wants to point out that leo and raph still argue a lot, don't forget about what i said in regards to holding your ground with 8s. they may not like it in the moment, but your ability to hold your ground will be recognized. leo more than often holds his ground when raph challenges him.

(when raph and leo butt heads it’s not because they’re at odds with each other because raph wants to lead or because leo doesn’t consider raph capable of leading, it’s because they’re both stubborn fucking idiots who’re thoroughly convinced their way is the right way; for raph admitting he’s wrong is a show of weakness and surrendering control which is a fear for 8s and for leo it’s a kick to his pride and ability to be ‘good’ which is a fear for 1s. simplifying it down to a power struggle between them drives me up a wall, iN THIS ESSAY I WILL--).

while a small example, a moment from the first notes from the underground episode (s1ep13) has always stuck with me when it comes to raph’s potential and ability to lead: he’s not only the one to throw the grapple to get them across the bridge, but when they’re dangling from a stalagmite after the bridge collapses, he’s the one who gathers them together to do ‘crack the whip’. leo actually doesn’t have any dialogue in that whole sequence; raph’s the one who takes charge and gets them safely to the other side.

it’s also interesting that in cases where leo’s not present AND raph’s in the company of someone similar in behavior to him, his 2 seems to come out on its own. when running around alone with casey, raph is the one reining him in. similar case with godman falcon in across the universe (s3ep20). you could use tyler in lone raph and cub (s1ep24) as another example, but i’m not fully counting that as tyler is like. ten. and stinky.

cardinal sins - 8 and lust

here's term that, on the surface, might appear a bit self-explanatory, but it tends to be a bit more nuanced than that. at least as far as the enneagram is concerned.

every type on the enneagram comes with its own ‘cardinal sin’; you might recognize seven of them from the traditional deadly sins. a type’s cardinal sin is less of a ‘sin’ and more of an almost addictive, involuntary and repeated behavior that we can only be free of when we learn to recognize and manage it. learning to manage your type’s cardinal sin is one of the purposes of the enneagram as a tool.

an 8's cardinal sin is ‘lust’. don’t mistake this for lust purely in its sexual definition; this is ‘lust’ as in the drive and need for intensity. 8s want to feel solid and alive; interactions must be intense, play must be intense--there’s something of a daredevil in 8s as they're looking to experience what life has to offer at 110%. it’s ironic that giving into lust is the antithesis of the control raph’s 8 demands he maintains; lust after a person or object is to be under its power, the opposite of what an 8 truly wants.

i’m sure at least some of you are wondering about ‘wrath’. something that might be important to keep in mind, here, is that 8s reach for rage in place of other emotions; not only is rage easy to access, it’s also an intense and overwhelming emotion. we'll talk about this more when we get to leo, but his 1 makes him a member of the 'anger' triad as well. where raph takes any emotion he feels intensely and replaces it with anger, leo will often take his anger and replace it with a less harsh explanation. but again, we'll get to that.

something else i think is interesting to consider are the cardinal sins associated with the other types that 8s are connected to. in raph’s case, it would be his wing, 7, with his stress and security numbers 5 and 2. the other cardinal sins in his main circle would be gluttony, greed, and pride respectively. when it comes to raph, 'gluttony' makes more sense in application than a 9's 'sloth', which contributes to why i disagree with him having a 9 wing.

sooooo, now that we’ve gone over a lot of information about 8s in general and some samplings of where i see an 8 in raph, i wanna look at three specific points in the series to just kinda pick up and turn around in my hands like a little puzzle box. i’m sorry, i know this is long just--AUGH. i could sit here and run characters through an enneagram lens all day, i'm the worst.

city at war

for me, city at war is a fantastic example of an 8 and a 1 colliding. this is also an arc i see discussed frequently, and often those talking about it have an easy time seeing the perspective of one brother but not the other. for complete disclosure, i’ve always been in raph’s court with this one; even as a kid i'm pretty sure i agreed with raph that they should stay out of the fight (but i’m also a 9, and we tend to avoid conflict of any kind however we can).

we’ll be talking about raph’s perspective here, obviously, and we’ll return to this arc in leo’s post to discuss it from his perspective. remember that one of the enneagram's uses as a tool is to grow in compassion for others and allow us to understand why they act and react the way they do.

a big thing to keep in mind when looking at this arc from raph's perspective as an 8 is that we need to look at the last time they dealt with the foot specifically. while there are five episodes between shredder’s supposed death in secret origins' ending (s2ep8) and city at war beginning (s2ep14), it’s important to consider the sheer weight of everything that lead up to this point and the amount of time passed as those events transpired. remember that an 8’s basic desire is to protect themselves--and the people they’ve come to care about--as well as determine their own course in life. the foot completely uprooted all of that for raph.

we’ll say the shredder strikes back (s1ep17) is the starting point. the boys may have faced the shredder for the first time in shredder strikes (s1ep10), but i don’t think they fully understood what the FUCK they were doing. because they’re fifteen year old boys. with weapons. they think they’re invincible. they’re very stupid, and it's a miracle master splinter hasn't developed like six ulcers.

shredder strikes back is a brutal wake up call to the fact that… NO, ACTUALLY, y'all are pretty fragile. this was the closest they’d probably come to having a family member taken from them. like, all things considered, leo should be dead. he was only “returned” to them on the brink of death to rub salt in the wound. and with the 8’s ability to sniff out who has the most power in a room, i doubt this detail was lost on raph. his brother is only still alive because shredder allowed it.

enough time passes for leo to recover, and we’re right back in new york using the fact we’re ‘dead’ to our advantage to take down shredder once and for all. the next three episodes all occur in the same night. but we did it! we’ve defeated shredder--we thought we’d gained control--but, just kidding, dad’s gone and disappeared.

our search for master splinter over the next few hours sends us to space. the next five episodes are desperately trying to get back to earth and their father. the turtles are in space for a few weeks, but only a few hours have passed on earth.

all of secret origins happens in the span of another few hours and ends with the shredder dying once and for all. he's totally dead, you guys. for real this time. no way in hell he survived that. ...foreshadowing is a literary device whe--

for us, that’s eighteen episodes (which if you were watching back in 2003 in the way the episodes were released would have not only been about eighteen weeks minimum, but the waiting period between two seasons as well). as viewers, it feels like a lot of time has passed. because it has. for them? that is a LOT of shit--again--over a relatively short period of time.

for an 8, this has been a ton of shaking around their control over their course in life. it’s been a huge threat to both their own security and that of the few people they hold dear. going from having to avoid their home and hiding away in april’s apartment, to almost losing leo, to almost losing splinter, to being blasted across the galaxy, discovering their ties to the shredder… but now. FINALLY. shredder is dead. they’re free! ...they should be free to once again determine their own course.

i can only imagine raph is eager to find some semblance of control and grounding again. the world has proven itself in many ways to be cruel and uncaring, just like he’d learned to believe. his 5 probably has him in a bit of a choke hold. and now, as the foot and the mob and the dragons are in a turf war, for SOME GODDAMN REASON his brother--who he almost lost--wants to get involved. raph, usually the first into the ring of conflict, slams the brakes on. this isn’t our fight, and we can just let them weaken each other and eat themselves alive. we gain safety by not involving ourselves, we have control again. to throw ourselves into that is risking another loss. returning to the cardinal sins, the 5’s greed/need to protect their resources and their energy, could very much be in full swing here.

8s and 1s are, unfortunately for everyone else involved, both types who unrelentingly believe they’re correct in an argument. and to back down from said argument could mean submitting to a part of their basic fear. raph’s 8 recognizes this as a moment for them to regain control of not only their own lives, but also as an opening to just let potential future enemies use up resources and wear each other out. and leo’s 1, as we’ll get to, refuses to listen to this on the base that it wouldn’t be right to sit back while people are getting hurt because of an imbalance ‘they caused’.

karai showing up in new york to take shredder’s place leading the foot (giving them a leader and direction again would be empowering them) was the final straw for raph. because what does he do? he isolates. fuck this shit: i’m out.

cards on the table? i’m not too keen that the narrative made it seem like leo was ‘right’ and raph was ‘wrong’, especially with casey stating that “the way he was raised, you fix your mistakes”… like… killing the shredder was a mistake. idk. clumsy choice of words on casey's part or mishandled writing, i'm not fond of it. and raph saying he was being an idiot at the end… honey, sweetie, darling, gravy, you were not being a full fledged idiot. you were both right and you were both wrong and you were both idiots; the situation is complicated and they can be both at once ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ gray is a value that exists, and you’re both grounded. equality.

anyway. next topic.

darkness within

this will be shorter than the last one because it’s more of a five minute encounter than a span of three episodes with a history, but i think it’s an interesting thing to look at anyway.

i know that from a meta perspective, raph’s nightmare in darkness within (s3ep14) was more a nod to another incarnation, but the fact his fear of becoming anything remotely like the shredder speaks to how self-aware of his anger he might be at this point in the series (note: this is not me saying ch’rell is also an 8; this is a warped fear that came from raph's subconscious, not a direct ‘prediction’ of things to come).

more in-depth views of the enneagram include the levels of development, which is a scale of one to nine how healthy or unhealthy the type is. at their healthiest, 8s can be described as self-surrendering and heroic. self-reliant and strong. self-confident and leading. but at their unhealthiest? 8s can become ruthless and dictatorial. megalomaniacal and terrorizing. sociopathic and destructive. sounds a lot like our favorite chewed up piece of stale cinnamon gum.

raph is aware that his anger--as well as his need to be strong and in control of his situation--could lead him down an even vaguely similar path. we saw glimpses of that, as i said, as early as episode four of the first season. losing grip and control of his temper and attacking mikey. his worst moment. the foot were barely even part of their lives at that point. that happened during what should have been a mundane little training session between brothers, where there was little to no outside influence. while not the shredder exactly, he is aware he has the potential to become something similar if he allows himself to give in to his anger and fears.

the first half of season four and leo’s… gestures vaguely

i think the last thing i want to talk about is the first half of season four and just generally dealing with leo at HIS worst. specifically cousin sid (s4ep1), i, monster (s4ep5), grudge match (s4ep6), samurai tourist (s4ep13), and scion of the shredder (s4ep15).

in cousin sid raph’s reaction to leo’s shift in attitude is, at first, positive. he goes as far as to jokingly state that karai should stab him more often if it means leo’s going to be less hesitant to fight (think his 7 wing was showing itself in that moment tbh; trying to make a joke out of something he shouldn’t have).

by i, monster, i think he’s started to notice that something’s wrong. he holds the others off as he recognizes that leo's fighting something more than just the rat king.

in grudge match, he starts to confront leo on his shift in attitude only to be interrupted by master splinter. by the time we get to samurai tourist, raph’s had it with this 'new leo'. he goes as far as saying leo's "going mental". mikey shuts this down (and boy, we'll get to that), but it's clear that raph's standing with leo has only gotten more and more tense.

i doubt it was intentional, as the writers focused more on leo’s handling of their final confrontation of the shredder, but… with all due respect to master splinter, i don’t agree with him when he later tells leo that his brothers have healed. i don’t think they’re in the unhealthy zone as deep as leo is, but given raph’s more negative and almost accusatory approach to leo’s state, i can’t help but tilt my head and see his 5’s influence beginning to color his perception. he’s having a hard time connecting. digging his heels in, becoming uncompromising. his 2 is hidden away and preventing him from showing vulnerability or gentleness toward leo's state. an 8’s antagonism can lead to self-sabotage when it comes to relationships, and leo’s reacting differently to raph’s attitude or not reacting at all. leo’s sudden change in attitude paired with any healing raph has left to do has likely raised his walls in a place he thought he was safe in. his 8, which is so focused on protecting himself, no longer feels like it has any control over the situation--he doesn’t know how leo’s going to act, how receptive leo will be to his own behavior, or even what to do to get leo “back”. and, obviously, leo’s worsening state is doing nothing to help any of this. raph's falling toward rejecting leo first so leo doesn’t have the chance to reject him. playing into that fear of dependency by continuing to push leo further away from him before leo has the chance to do the damage himself.

we see in scion of the shredder that he hasn’t completely given up; playing into his 7, mikey makes a coo-coo motion at his head in reference to leo and raph promptly smacks him for it. i think this says a few things: that raph took what mikey said in samurai tourist to heart and, because of that, he’s now at least trying to be more nuanced about leo’s state, verses basically having said the same thing mikey just did two episodes back… even if it might be ‘too late’ for that considering leo’s already had his worst moment and gone to japan.

when we roll around to prodigal son (s4ep16), raph’s likely on a big emotional ride over here. some of this i have to point at rushed writing and also the general vibe of early 2000s media, but some of it can also be directed at raph’s 8. we see him very briefly express “””weakness””” when leo assures him that the rest of the family is okay (he braces his hands on his knees), but upon returning to the reservoir station all the walls are right back up and he just walks right past don, who’s relieved to see him, and, boom, he’s right back on the attack--angry that the foot destroyed their home. defenses up. i’m not relieved, i was never worried, i was never scared, i’m just MAD.

conclusion

as mentioned in part 1, the two books i referenced and heavily pulled from in the more enneagram-focused sections of this project (the parts where the enneagram itself is explained rather than how it applies to the turtles) were:

the wisdom of the enneagram by don richard riso & russ hudson

the road back to you by ian morgan cron & suzanne stabile

gonna be real with you, lads, i have no idea how to properly close this out, i just looked at the page number and word count and muttered to myself "jesus christ; girl, shut up".

as i said at the start of this post, if i have anything to add/more observations regarding raph's 8 in the series i'll link them here as addendums.

for now, we're going to stay in the instinct triad and move over to leo. and from leo, we'll go to don because they both have a foot in the feeling/heart triad.

see you in the next one and, if you read all this, here's a platter of warm cookies of your favorite choice. and your favorite drink to wash it down. you're the realest.

[section-69]

Okay Destination Trek notes! First here's what I really liked:

- Everything was SAG compliant and there was so much important strike talk. Obvs this made some questions impossible to answer, and it was slightly hard to predict what would be wrong to say just since different actors had different comfort levels (big range from "I support my comrades but I'm not gonna pretend I'm not in Star Trek" from David Ajala to J G Hertzler encouraging us to threaten media executives with [COPYRIGHTED SPACE WEAPON] to Terry Farrell not wanting to mention working on TV or film at all), but honestly it just made the whole thing really friendly

- on that note, multiple guests said it was the best convention they'd been to in years. I don't have a lot of personal experience with them, but I was talking to a lot of older fans and many of them said this felt a lot like the early days of conventions which were also set in hotels

- being in a hotel made it a) more accessible (and there were So Many fellow disabled Trekkies to prove it!!), b) easier to hang out between activities, and c) just super personable. The guests could hang out in the bar with the fans, there were lots of comfy seats everywhere, and it was very easy to step away if something wasn't your speed.

- not being in London helps the vibes too

- not being Paramount affiliated made the tickets a bit cheaper (much appreciated)

- most of the activities were teamwork focussed. Initially I was a little freaked by that but actually it gave the whole thing a friendly social club vibe

- science talks! Community talks! Asking the actors questions about their lives and work outside of what they're most famous for! Stories we haven't all heard a thousand times!

- I'll make another post about the specifics of accessibility and why I liked this infinitely more than the official ones in London aircraft hangars, but I just really have to stress how important I found that here

- being fan organised and fan led, the focus was on us and how much we love this shit. I didn't find the old format Bad in this respect, but this really did hit different

- J G Hertzler is seriously the coolest person I've met. He stole my craft group's batleth and we couldn't be happier about it.

- So Many Cool Cosplays!!! Shout out especially to the drag queens, the older man cosplaying Admiral Janeway, the Voyage Home Spock and inflatable whale, the power chair decked out to look like a shuttle, all the babies in uniform, the tribble queen in her tribble pelt dress, all the Klingons who didn't artificially darken their skin, the furry doctor from lower decks, all of the Borg, the Klingon pug with a plush batleth, and so so many others I'm forgetting ❤️🖖❤️

Notes for Future Cons

- If you don't already have access to it because of an expensive ticket, I wouldn't bother paying for the opening ceremony. It's not actually at the start of the event and also it's literally just the actors coming on stage, saying hi, then rushing back to the autograph tables. Do go to the closing ceremony though! There's way more of a point to those

- If you're not a huge extrovert, already drunk, or completely happy in awkward situations, I wouldn't recommend being the first in the door at the parties. Give it an hour or so - they sounded very lively later on, but when I tried to go in earlier the primary school disco vibes were off the charts. Plus the music's too loud to actually talk to anyone, and no one's dancing yet. I did see one guy run past with a portable charger for his friend in a wheelchair that lost power on the dance floor though, so clearly they got cooler later on lol. Addendum here that I'm an autistic non drinker so that might colour things.

- to the white folks darkening their skin for generic Klingon cosplays, reconsider that one next year

- to the white guy wearing brown face paint to cosplay Worf specifically, what the fuck, man??

- to the person who boo'd the mention of Julian/Garak at the LGBTQ+ panel, fight me but also maybe skip whatever the equivalent is next year cause Andy Robinson's booked to come

- host mocked Scottish accents a couple times :(

- here's hoping the unions will have their demands met and we'll be able to talk about Star Trek publicly with actors who can access healthcare and pay their rent. But if not, at least we know the con will still be fun.

- maybe see you in Blackpool next July 💙

[alovelyburn]

Rambles About the Golden Age Arc Addendum: The Lost Chapter

This is what I was going to post two weeks ago but I ended up rushing the Hill of Swords for Vday instead. So here we go!

I meant to do this months ago, but I’m lazy—uh I mean I didn’t For Some Reason. But after reading about Miura’s thoughts on the Lost Chapter I decided look at it again and, well, the pages were out of order on all the sites. So I tried to track down the correct order and ended up reading about it and blah blah anyway whatever who cares here we go.

Rambles About the Golden Age Arc Addendum – The Lost Chapter

So for those who don’t know (not a lot of people, but hey there may be newbies), the Lost Chapter is the original Berserk Chapter 83, God of the Abyss Part II. It follows directly from the pages where Griffith’s soul or astral form or whatever departs the physical plane and goes forth to become Femto. So okay here’s some of the leadin for context:

Griffith’s spirit departs the physical plane by traveling through a water-like abyss (which is very reminiscent of what’s going on with Guts in the current chapters, I might note). This is actually especially interesting because later in the series Schierke remarks that the ocean supposedly leads to the astral plane - the actual ocean, that is. This one I assume is more of a metaphorical/spiritual ocean.

Anyway, there, he is confronted by the reality of the Sacrifice he chose, and is shocked at the horror of it. This is kind of a sidenote but there is some question as to exactly what he thought would happen when he took that deal, because he doesn’t appear to have known it would be that.

He’s also surprised that he doesn’t feel anything about it. At this point, as Griffith’s last tear falls, an off-panel voice chimes in to explain his lack of emotional response....

“When suffering so profound as to make someone rip himself apart is confronted, a heart is frozen.”

I think I said this way back in Golden Age Rambles 16, but this is one of my favorite (and imo one of the most important) lines as far as Griffith’s character is concerned. Because it suggests that his emotional suppression is at least in part a trauma response - it also confirms that this emotional deadening, which is a result of the trauma response/his confrontation of his suffering, is the reason he doesn’t feel anything - as opposed to it being, for example, because he’s a sociopath. Sigh.

We are given an explanation for the existence of behelits, which Miura later clarified in interviews as being solidified souls whose faces are skewed due to their fragmentation and lack of ... being a person as yet. Love that for them.

Finally, Griiffith encounters...

A pile of flesh that he refers to as God.

And that’s where we transition into the Lost Chapter.

So originally the chapter I am about to discuss was the chapter after this, but when the chapters were collected, Miura had it removed. There’s been some discussion as to why that was, but officially his explanation was that it gave away too much too early and that something as extreme as an on-panel appearance by God should be saved for the end of the series.  He also said that he didn’t like to nail down the limits of the world and wanted to keep things flexible in case he needed to change something.

From there, a lot of discussion has been had about whether the story “counts” or not. My position is basically that it’s fairly safe to assume that this or something like this happened during Griffith’s ascension, because it seems like the main reason he didn’t include it was more because it was too revealing than because he changed his mind. And while he did want to have the option of changing his mind, ultimately nothing he did ever contradicted it, and there were references and minor cameos that seem to confirm it.

So I personally consider it to be pseudo-canon, like broadstrokes canon, but with the understanding that details may be inaccurate. Nonetheless, I also consider it an extremely interesting and informative chapter when one wants to try and unlock the secrets of what the series is trying to say.

So here we go. I’m putting the entire chapter up. The pages are presented in their correct order – most websites post some of the pages out of sequence. It doesn’t really make a huge difference to the meaning, but it does change the flow a little bit. The order that follows is confirmed based on raw scans.

Okay so this is pretty basic – Griffith recognizes this as probably God, and its confirmed. One nitpick I do have is um, literally the NAME “Idea of Evil.”

Normal disclaimers apply - I’m not fluent, correct me if wrong, etc etc I proceed in good faith.

So this is a little weird because it’s another case of the Kanji saying one thing and the furigana saying something else. The name is given as 魔の源形  - something like “the form of the source of malevolence.”  with furigana over 源形 being the katakana for “idea.” So what it’s actually saying is Ma no Idea - fairly translated as Idea of Evil, but what it means is that it is the physical form of the source of malevolence/evil/etc.

...I mean it basically means the same thing, but I think for me when I see 魔の源形 I think of something like the Endless from the Sandman, which follows from some of the later dialogue, because as much as people assume that having “ma” in its name means it is, itself, malevolent it’s more like the spinner of malevolence, which brings me back to the Sandman, because while Dream embodies dreams, he isn’t, himself, a dream. He’s the thing that makes dreams, see what I mean? Well I’ll probably get more into it later.

In the meantime, Idea of Evil is fine but it does seem to be a descriptor rather than a name, and I do find the longer and more awkward translation a bit more useful in understanding what this deity is.

Moving on!

It’s saying “that” is God not “this” is god which I guess sounds nitpicky but for me if it says “this” it’s more up close - I’m the idea of evil, i am god! vibes. Whereas “that,” to me, feels more of a neutral, “the source of evil is god/" kind of vibe.

It’s kind of like the flame/making mistake thing I went on about with Guts before, like it doesn’t change the fact that he’s talking about Casca, but it changes what the fact that he’s talking about Casca means.

One of the interesting things from the twitter festival of Miura quotes was this thing about how the faces that overrun the landscape during the eclipse represent that this is the collective will of humanity. And I’m bringing this up because its the same faces that are visible in the ocean of souls. Its also a similar face to what comes out when the behelit rights itself. So that all tracks.

The most important thing here, though, is this concept of the common consciousness beyond individuality - humanity’s collective consciousness or, as Griffith eventually says, “where they will become one.”

It’s this collective will that is really the most powerful force in Berserk - even IoE serves this will, and it is this will that seemingly reshapes and controls the nature of reality - like splitting the astral from the physical worlds when humans lost their faith in supernatural things.

So I talked about this before, but one thing that I notice people tripping over a lot with the whole “Griffith is the desired savior” thing is that people have a hard time I guess divorcing themselves from assumptions that are rooted in the real world, whereas Miura specifically and explicitly rejected those assumptions within the framework of Berserk’s world.

What I mean is, when people see Griffith – who is a demon with some nasty crimes to his name – presented as humanity’s chosen savior they assume this must be a farce, right? Because how could someone like that be humanity’s chosen one, it must be a big act and hes actually just the fake savior and someone else is the real savior.

The problem with this is that Humanity’s will within Berserk is extremely ambiguous of intent right, like it’ll get into this later, but the great desire of humanity was not to be protected or saved from harm, it was to have reasons for the harm they experience and thus their will gave birth to a God who did not stop their suffering but rather provided a purpose behind their suffering. Similarly when Griffith restores the world to the shape desired by humanity, that world is exponentially more dangerous than the world before his return.

But this isn’t really presented as being awful as such – it’s just the nature of humanity to have dark feelings and to experience and inflict suffering. That doesn’t mean it’s all they do, but it’s a strain that runs through mankind and that duality is what gives rise to someone like Griffith, who encompasses both sides of the species.

Also another reason to bear in mind that IoE isn’t a name - it just makes Griffith’s question make more sense - “why did humans give birth to this will called God” is appropriate because it is the embodiment of the concept of a kind of intent.

Which also creates the ambiguity of “hell.” I keep going back to the archangel/demon lord thing with the Godhand, because it’s not just lipservice, it’s a genuine part of the worldbuilding of Berserk. Griffith looks down at the will of man and says it looks like Hell – he’s shocked that humanity’s will could be so cruel, but at the same time he recognizes that same cruelty inside himself, as well.

And God responds with, some people call it Hell, but it’s just part of the larger whole, and it’s a place that reflects human nature.

As I’ve said before, when Griffith says he feels that evil inside himself, it isn’t Miura telling us he’s a sadistic psychopath who was evil all along, it’s Miura telling us that every human contains the capacity for evil, including Griffith (because he’s human).

I feel like a lot of (western, again) fandom struggles with this stuff (and by struggles I mean doesn’t notice) because we’re so used to... “human” being synonymous with good but you kind of have to shed that to ‘get’ Berserk.

And again, it is IoE that serves the will of man, not the other way around. Or controls destiny to create what humanity desires.

And here’s where I’m going to talk about the Sandman, haha.

I kind of struggled with how to conceptualize the Idea of Evil, because this is a deity born to dispense pain and cruelty, but it does not, itself, appear to be particularly malevolent. It’s just kind of doing its job.

And that’s when I started thinking about the Endless.

This rundown might not be as necessary as it once would have been due tot he Netflix show, but suffice to say Sandman is about Dream, who is the  anthropomorphic personification of dreams, but also the king of dreams, and one of a family of anthropomorphic personifications that each embody, control, and dispense a certain thing. Destiny, Death, Despair, Desire, Delirium, and [omitted for spoilers].

Anyway the thing is, the Endless embody a concept, but they are also created by the need for that concept. As the lore goes, Destiny is the oldest because he is integral to the existence of life. Death came next, because all living things die. Dream was born to give form to dreams. But the thing is, even though they control and create those things, they are not, themselves, those things. Death isn’t dead, she’s the person who collects souls. Dream isn’t a dream, he’s the one who makes dreams. But most significantly, and this is why it sticks in my head as hard as it does, if one of them dies, another incarnation of the same concept appears, because the job of being and dispensing that thing has to be done.

Now, I’m not saying IoE will die, I have no idea, and I’m not saying that if someone stabbed it, another heart or a brain or something would turn up - I’m not even sure IoE can die since it states that the world itself is its body but the point is, cruelty and pain and suffering, those things all existed before IoE did, and in fact it was the existence of those things in a chaotic and pointless state that created IoE to begin with. It came into existence to create meaning and order to what already existed, and to give it a reason for existing.

“It was established that you would be here since a distant past. By influencing the lower levels of human consciousness and merging blood with blood I created the lineage that would give birth to the man you are. To pave the way for the times you would be born in, I manipulated history. and created an appropriate context for you. All the encounters you have had so far were all a part of the destiny that led you here as well.”

Now, going into the Griffith specific stuff. This is has always fascinated me because if you think about it, basically IoE is saying that everything in Berserk to date (and presumably everything that follows) is arranged to create the circumstances under which the specific person that Griffith has been designed to be will make the choice that brings him here.

One of the things I learned in psychology yars and yars ago is about this concept of psychological free will vs. like I guess religious or spiritual free will? Because ok there are multiple was to conceptualize what it means to have free will, right? We have the more standard version: are our lives planned out for is in advance by an outside force (typically a deity), or are we free to do whatever we wish to do? Free will vs. Predestination.

Is there such a thing as being destined to die tomorrow or does whether you die tomorrow or not rest entirely on what you choose to do? And if there is such a thing as being destined to die tomorrow, are there ways to prevent that from happening or is trying to fight it just hubris in the face of powers beyond your comprehension?

But there’s also the psychological concept of free will: given the interaction of your personality and your experiences and your capabilities and this Thing that Happened, is there really more than one thing that you could do, or is it inevitable that you will make the choice that you made because its who you are?

If Person A is rushing to work and comes across someone having a medical emergency on the sidewalk,  is their decision about what to do (stop, ignore it, call 911 and keep going, etc) determined wholly by the kind of person they are, or can they just do whatever? And more to the point, even though there is nothing stopping them from doing any of those things, are they themselves, being who they are, able to do anything other than the thing they end up doing?

Berserk is interesting because its take on fate is something like a combination - the end is set by IoE, but the way you get to that point is by IoE setting up your life in order to shape you into being a person who would make the choices necessary to arrive at that point. Unlike traditional predestination - that greek tragedy stuff - there’s your destiny and fighting it is hubris, because that fate comes for you rather than you necessarily arriving at it - the only thing that makes an endpoint inevitable is how perfectly maneuvered people are so that when you arrive at every crossroad, even if you theoretically could go left or right, because of who you are, there’s really no way you would go anywhere except the way IoE wants you to go.

This is why I often say Griffith was designed to be strong but also designed to shatter when hit in the right spots. He has to be strong to get to where he went, but he also needs to be fragile so that when the time comes, IoE can put the right things in his path to push his specific buttons and get him to do what he has to do. This is one reason I struggle with the idea of blaming Griffith - on one hand there’s the argument that individuals have to take responsibility for their actions regardless of why they’re undertaken. But at the same time, I can’t help thinking... there’s no person in existence who wouldn’t break if they literally had God arranging the entire world into the specific configuration needed to break them.

More than that, though! If you think further into it, it also means Guts was designed to be someone who Griffith would desperately love and then be abandoned by.  And that means Guts’ life was designed to create a person with all these insecurities and strengths and weaknesses that makes him the person he is. It’s all very interesting to me, these questions of free will and predestination.

It does, however, lead me to wondering about the edict he gives Griffith at the end of this chapter.

More on that in a minute!

(boy do I hope that was all coherent)

So, here’s the thing that explicitly curbstomps the idea that Griffith was specifically sent with the rule that he must destroy things and ruin humanity. I mean break it down, right – IoE is a servant of the will of humanity, ergo its desires are humanity’s desires. Griffith, being human, therefore is a part of IoE just as IoE is a part of him, and thus his desires are also IoE’s desires...

お前の行い自体が種としての人間に相応しものになるだろうたとえそれが人々の苦しみてあっても救いであっても。

So that’s the original Japanese line.

Which, as far as I can tell (and anyone better with Japanese than I am please do feel free to correct me, and I’ll fix it) means something like:

“Your actions in themselves will be appropriate to humanity as a species even if it means hardship/pain or rescue/salvation for humanity.”

As a pretty interesting sidenote, the word used for salvation, 救い, specifically references religious salvation. So there you go. Antimessiah/Messiah.

In any case it does put the lie to the idea that Griffith was given the instructions to destroy things or ruin things or make people miserable, like his instructions are literally just “do whatever, and whatever happens will be appropriate.” That said, remember “Your desire is my desire as well.”

I really think Griffith is at his prettiest during this chapter despite being half-formed for most of it. But anyway.

Ever think about what this encounter must mean to him? Half of Griffith’s motivation is the desire to see what he’s capable of and where destiny will lead him.

So okay now we get back to psychological free will. Because obviously Griffith wasn’t sent with the instructions to do a specific thing, just to do whatever he likes with the assurance that whatever he wants is also what IoE wants by the nature of Griffith’s own humanity.

But okay, that does raise the question of whether GRIFFITH has free will (in the psychological sense), right like... at the end of the Eclipse, the other Godhand seem to indicate that they already know how this will turn out – Griffith will bring an age of darkness on the world, at least for a while. Similarly, before he’s even incarnated, Slan is sending priests visions that say he’s going to unite all of humanity into one nation.

So like, inasmuch as the IoE is part of humanity’s will and vice versa, it seems like it knew where this was going even as it told Griffith to do whatever. And this may be difficult and abstract to convey and I hope I can phrase it properly, but what it says to me is something like... Griffith acts freely on his desires, but his desires are in line with IoE’s desires (which are in line with humanity’s desires) specifically because he was designed to be a person who would have those desires. As such he does what he wants, but what he wants to do will inevitably result in ending up where IoE is trying to get, whether he is or is not specifically choosing to try to create that effect... because the outcome of our actions isn’t always what we intended.

And this isn’t me trying to let Griffith off the hook for the age of darkness - I’m not even convinced the age of darkness is a bad thing in the long term. I’m more saying that regardless of what his intentions are, the outcome of his actions will inevitably be in accordance with the destiny woven by IoE and desired by mankind’s collective will... regardless of whether or not that outcome is what he was aiming for.

Sidenote: Griffith chooses his own form, which makes me wonder what was going on with Ubik.

And then he heads into the world at large.The swirling of the ocean of souls echoes his reincarnation at the end of Conviction.

And the end.

Okay so like, what I get from this is basically... Griffith was created to be the person needed to fill the role he’s filling, and God designed the world around creating him (and presumably did the same to create say Void or Slan). Whatever his intentions are, the actions he takes and their outcomes will ultimately align with humanity’s desire, which is also IoE’s desire.  

This is kind of what I mean when, for example, someone suggests that Femto raped Casca in order to create the demon baby that would ultimately become his vessel and I say... I don’t think that’s why FEMTO did it, but it may well be why it was done.

But what really strikes me about this chapter is how it sets the stage for ... the stage that is the Berserk world. What I mean is, and I’ve talked about this before, the way the Godhand behave and especially the way NeoGriffith behaves, is very performative right like they want an outcome and they move things around like pieces on a chessboard and then they do the things needed to nudge humanity in the “right” direction which is something I’m sure to talk about a lot once I get farther into Millennium Falcon. Which isn’t unusual in itself, but because of who and what they are, they can move massive pieces, like... plague outbreaks or the merging of the astral and physical worlds. The Godhand’s manipulation of human history is epic, but then of course their creator goes a step beyond and manipulates centuries or millennia in advance and on a much larger scale. But in the end it’s all the same thing it’s just a matter of degree, and...

It kind of makes sense that Griffith is one of them, because that’s really what he was doing on a human scale even when he was human.

Anyway, that’s it, back to Millennium Falcon next, thank you for listening.

[timetravelerpyrite]

Uh, hi.

My name is Pyrite, I go by he/him mainly… don't mind she/her though. Newly found out I like Pup/Pupself pronouns too.

I'm 31. (B-day is November 16th, if that matters to anyone.)

//Current Arc: None rn!

//Finished Arcs: Fool's Faller, ABSOLute Panic!

Anyway, not too important, I just kinda found this site and realized 'Oh, there's some people like me here!' so here I am I guess?

Don't expect me to be friendly.

I don't bite! I'm trying to make more friends, but don't shove too much at me at once please.

I don't like staying in one place, it makes me anxious, no I won't tell you why. I was running a lot because of my Ex, she and my bio fam wants me to come back, but I won't, I'm actually tying to get use to staying in one place now.

Most important thing, I'm a Time Traveler and Dimension hopper, how the hell am I both?

I caught a Celebi (He/She/They) by COMPLETE ACCIDENT so now I'm kinda stuck with them, and I kinda got adopted by a Dimension hopping Iron called Iron Eclipse (It/Its)… no, I do not expect you to know what that is.

Call me a fake if you want, I don't care, just try not to hold me down in one spot, got it? Wow I don't like this part the most, why was I such a jerk in my intro??

Anyway, I might visit ya if I feel like, I have two adopted (not legally but who gives a shit) sisters @queen-of-the-phantoms and @pokedexcamp! I'm dating @silveredfeathers and living with him and his wife (and now my Girlfriend-??) @trainerlynda.

Adding an addendum: Sometimes we, his Irons, connect to his phone to be able to post. We are;

🐉: Iron Rage. (She/Her)

🕊️: Iron Serenity! (He/They/Fae)

🌋: Iron Eruption. (He/Him)

🌑🌈: Iron Eclipse.

⌛: And sometimes I steal the phone, I'm Chronos his Celebi.

🍞: Thanatos types sometimes too, she has rather broken English so it will likely be autocorrected to hell and back, please tell her if it gets a word wrong, from what I can tell she wants to understand (She/It)

//Open ask games!

Pelipper mail and malice.

Ask an invasive question.

//Magnifying glass ask game!

See his dreams and nightmares.

//A post for you to give me permission for him to hop to your character's dimension! (Either on purpose or by accident.)

//Ooc info under the cut!

//Ooc. This is a sideblog! Unreality. Mod is an adult and goes by she/her he/him pronouns All art I use is my own (Or made for me)! I follow from @theshadowqueenofthedistortion, more info about me on my main! This blog is not settled in one dimension at the moment, so expect conflicting area info. Here's some of my other accounts as well!

//Semi-Serious blog, I will participate in active silliness and also write serious stuff. Will sometimes touch on death, abuse and a few other things, I will tag the serious stuff with their appropriate tw/cw tags.

//I will not ship with anyone who isn't my BF (and myself, but that's a note for later), just for my comfort. This boi does n o t stay in one place, if he goes to visit someone he will get there himself/he fell into that universe by accident.

//Magic anons are allowed! But I am picky.

//I am very open to crossover stuff!

//This guy is very much centered around Future Paradox pokemon! He's not gonna know all the Pokemon's names and will call them 'Irons'. The Iron names are VERY much headcannons unless talking about a cannon Iron.

//When he's on the move things he says aloud will be under

[Voice to text active!] where as when he's actully writing it will be under [Pyrite is typing...]

//What the tags mean.

//Shadow Mod Speaks: Mod speaking.

//Mod Reference: Me and/or Zorana making references for this account

//Shadow Art: Art by me that isn't a ref/finished.

//Pyrite info: Self-Explanatory. For both IC and OOC.

Little Hops: His post/response tag.

Warping Reality: Closed and/or serious RP. I will also use this tag when responding seriously to something.

Where am I today?: When Pyrite is mainly talking to himself.

The Pokemon tags: They are for each respective Pokemon/Iron

Magic Anon Things.: Stuff with magic anons.

Triangle Terror: Pyrite dealing with the truth triangles. He can't turn them off, so hehehe.

[dracoqueen22]

A writing prompt for you:

FFVII, Reno & any number of other Turks, an escaped experiment that's supposed to spew poison but instead spews something else entirely. (Like sex pollen, for example.)

(As NSFW or not as you like!)

This is like... two years late, but at last! I have answered this flash fiction fest from the last one I hosted. Please enjoy! <3

There are many unspoken rules about being a Turk. Truths they’ve acknowledged over the years, that they pass on to new recruits but no one dares write down because the Turks are secretive by nature, and no one wants to admit that they are actually fallible.

Don’t go after an escaped experiment alone is not the number one unspoken rule, but it’s high on the list. Right next to it is: always wear a gas mask. And an addendum to that? Kill first, ask questions later. 

You never can be too careful with what escapes from Hojo’s many, many labs. And if sometimes, the experiment growling back at you has the face of someone you used to work beside, well, you just pretend you didn’t see it. 

Don’t ask Hojo what he’s doing. That’s a very important unspoken rule. Never ask Hojo what he’s doing behind closed doors. Else it might be your face your partner is seeing the next time something escapes, however accidentally. (Rumor has it that Hojo frequently lets things loose just to see how they fare against ShinRa’s elite, the bastard). 

Tseng remembers the rules. He always remembers the rules. So why is he staring at Reno with glazed eyes, no gas mask, and sweat beading on his brow? Why is he launching himself at Reno with attacks harder and faster than Reno can defend or evade? Reno’s never won in a hand to hand spar with Tseng. 

He’s under no illusions that he’s going to win now. Even if Tseng’s acting like a puppet without strings, some kind of powder puffing from his suit in lurid highlighter-yellow wisps. 

“Fuck,” Reno gasps into his gas mask. He doesn’t want to shoot Tseng. Tseng is not the escaped experiment. 

He’s the first responder who somehow didn’t bring his godsdamned gas mask and has now been dosed by whatever freak-of-nature poison Hojo’s newest pet sprayed on him. 

“Come on, boss. Snap out of it!” Reno shouts as he twists to avoid another grab and doesn’t make it. 

Tseng gets a handful of his suit jacket, so Reno wriggles out of it and cuts it down to a loss. He can get another jacket. He’s pretty sure he can’t get another arm. Unless he subjects himself to Hojo’s mercies, and since this whole situation is Hojo’s fault, no thank you. 

His comm crackles. "Reno, do you need assistance?" Elena asks, all new recruit eager and helpful, and ugh, any other time Reno would be happy to let her do the hard work.

"Not right now, rookie. Stay the fuck away and go find whatever caused this mess," Reno snarls as he ducks away from another swipe from Tseng and contemplates his options. Why hadn't he packed stun charges in his baton this time? Why had he gone for lethal only?

Because it's a Hojo experiment, that's why. Kill first, ask questions later. That's the rule. Along with "always wear a gas mask" which Tseng apparently forgot. Which means Reno’s going to have to somehow take Tseng down, and hope Tseng doesn’t decide punishment is in order later. 

Or hope that he chooses punishment, but it’s the kind Reno likes. Mmm. That would be nice. Bent over the knee, a little spanking, some fingers slicked up with lube and – 

Tseng slams into Reno, and he curses – caught by the horny haze, damn it – as they both go down and Tseng winds around him like a python. He’s all long limbs and strong hands and those legs circle around Reno’s waist like a vise. 

Fuck. 

Tseng’s hard. Like hard enough Reno can feel the heat of his dick through his slacks, grinding against Reno’s pelvis as Tseng squeezes and squeezes with those powerful thighs of his, spreading that yellow powder everywhere. 

“Come on, boss!” Reno yelps, twisting his head left and right, but it’s useless, because Tseng grabs hold of his mask, yanks, and tosses. 

Reno drags in a gulp of air without thinking, and something powdery lands on his tongue. It’s bitter and sour, chalky as it goes up his nose and into his mouth. He coughs, eyes watering, as Tseng’s legs tighten and he– uh, yup. That sure is Reno’s boss grinding against him like a harlot. 

“I’m never gonna let you live this down,” Reno wheezes. 

Tseng looks at him with hazy eyes, face flushed, hair wild around his face. Wait, no. He’s looking at Reno, yeah, but specifically, at Reno’s lips. Tseng licks his own and then his mouth crashes down on Reno’s, and wow. Tseng can kiss. His tongue’s an unrelenting force that pushes a moan out of Reno. He turns to liquid want, spine tingling and brain going mush. 

Reno gets a fistful of Tseng’s suit, grinding that yellow dust into his own skin, into the dark of Tseng’s suit. And he thinks he ought to push Tseng away. He ought to try and fight back, but his limbs are noodles, and Tseng’s burning up, and something’s boiling in his own gut, too. Lust pours through his veins, throbs through his dick, and Tseng rolls up against him, and Reno, he knows this dance. 

He rolls down, and they both groan. Tseng’s biting at his mouth and lips, leaving them bruised and hot, his skin glittering from the powder, with a throat that’s made for marking. Reno’s had more than a few choice fantasies of pinning his boss down and seeing if he can dissolve Tseng’s elegant poise. 

Well. 

Tseng’s got no poise now. He’s making hungry noises, his thighs wrapped around Reno like a vise, his hands restless as they pull and tug at clothes like he’s forgotten how buttons work. 

Reno has about five seconds to realize that this isn’t normal, and it’s probably all Hojo’s fucking fault, but then he’s drowning in sensation, and Tseng smells so fucking good. Every bit of restraint he has turns to shreds, and he kisses Tseng back. His comm crackles, but he flicks it off and lets himself enjoy this.

It isn’t how he imagined seducing his boss, but fuck, he’ll take it. Let Rude and Elena handle the escaping monster. 

Reno’s got Tseng well in hand. 

***

[stoopid-turtle]

BTS in Order Addendum 2

Second and final addendum for rn! This covers the translated bts clips for June that I found. Sadly, the playlist did not have July or Aug, so I can't go over those. If I ever do find July and Aug, I'll try to add it on.

As before, the timeline posts are already updated. I'm just highlighting some things here for those who don't want to hunt for the updates. Also, I tried to clean up some of the formatting but y'all, the formatting on Tumblr is just weird. I can't figure it out and I'm not gonna invest the time to do so, so I've done my best!

I can see where the WZC/GG pairing came from. GG and WZC seem quite close, often playful, and similarly physically affectionate to ggdd. Their dynamic is different, but I can def see how people could pull together a compilation of their bts clips for CPFs. (Not saying they were a real couple, like ggdd.)

Madam Jin did not seem to realize she was cast in a bl adaption.

There's much mentioned of dd's afterglow on 6.19 after the Dragon Boat Festival date, but I've never seen anyone mention that GG is also in a really great mood the next day. His first scene is in the forest with JC and JL, and he's all smiles and says, "I'm so happy this early morning. I really love my team."

JC says "Happy? What nonsense!" For some reason, this sets gg off on the giggles.

Needless to say, GG had his own afterglow.

Also on 6.19, there's this cute exchange between gg and the older lady producer (?), who is also from Chongqing:

Crewmember: So many beauties come from Chongqing. GG: I'm beautiful. Producer lady: More beautiful than me? GG: How can that be? Can't compare!

And then, a couple days later on 6.23, when dd is still gone, gg is in a hellishly rotten mood. He's visibly moody and unresponsive to xl and JC, both of whom try to cheer him up. At one point, he asks someone (his assistant?) if he has any crying scenes that day. And later he says, "Remember this feeling. After a month, when filming, definitely will..." I think he says something more to XL here, but I guess it was too quiet for the translator to hear. The implication to me is that he's gonna try to bring up the experience of his feelings in later scenes when WWX is having similar feelings.

Not everything with regards to the boys has to be about ggdd, so it's possible that gg's bad mood is bc of something else going on in his life. Family, friends, something with his company, politics, a stranger being a jerk, whatever. DD's one possibility among many. I did check out what dd was doing on 6.23 and 6.22, and he's on Produce 101, where he looks as DD (with a mullet) as ever. But there aren't any bts or unscripted clips of him where he might reveal a similar mood, so it's hard to say anything.

So basically, make of gg's bad mood what you will. It could be literally anything.

I need to talk about JC's fake butt

So the clip on 6.25, with JZX, Mianmian, dd, XL, and gg all chatting starts with them talking about JC wearing a "fake butt". I'm guessing butt padding? Some highlights:

DD is confused because he's "not even wearing jeans", to which gg asks if it makes sense to wear a fake butt in jeans.

The "reason" why JC wears this is apparently only known to XL and GG. XL refuses to explain.

GG says if she doesn't explain, dd will just walk up to JC and ask him, "JC, you wear a fake butt?"

Poor WZC did seem a bit put-upon on the set.

Also, unrelated, dd thinks sweat is sexy.

Also, the nasal spray that got passed around: looked sus, but not actually that sus. It's a Thai herbal nasal inhaler, which apparently looks a lot like people doing some uppers. (So much so that gg chastises the cameraman for filming it and XL turns her back to do it)

Also also, gg's rotten mood is gone. The clip on 6.23 of him being in a bad mood is only about 5 min long, and there's only a 45sec clip for 6.24. So basically, we have no idea what might have cheered him up and there are almost a full 2 days of stuff we know nothing about.