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defdaily · 4 years ago

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KNIGHT Magazine March 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily

JAY B: Back to the starting point, to set off again

At first sight, Jay B does not seem to have the looks of a popular “Flower Boy”; he has single eyelids typical in Korean boys, and the corners of his eyes crescent up with warmth and pureness as he smiles, drawing people close to him. “Sexy”, “Steady”, “Introverted”，“Warm”，“Sharp” and “Domineering” are all words fans use to describe him. These seemingly unrelated characteristics come together in Jay B and sparks a charisma that is unique to him.

9 years on since debut, he is an all-rounder who sings, dances and composes and his vibrant abilities are obvious to all. However, the entertainment industry is a place that is never short of talent and worthy competitors. Being GOT7’s leader and facing the responsibilities and stress, he did not go down an easy path. Through the endurance, he figured out his own direction of growth and pace - one that is neither nervous or rushed but instead calm and steady. The start of 2021 ushered in the end of his artistic contract and signing new companies, but that did not affect his pace; he made a comeback with his members, writing songs and preparing for his solo album, continuing to do what he is good at, facing the odds calmly and confidently, “2021 to me is a brand new start; I will return to the starting point and start anew.”

Embracing the essence, upholding greatness

Looking through Jay B’s portfolio, he went through many profile changes in the early years. From being an aspiring B-boy, to debuting as an actor, as a boy group duo JJ Project, and 2 years later debuting as GOT7 leader. At every stage, he did his best in whatever he wanted to do. Grabbing every opportunity and going forward earnestly. For dance, he once gave up on his studies and joined a professional dance group very early on. After debuting as a leader, in order to shoulder the responsibilities, he reigned in on his youthful flippance and impetuousness and learned to be tolerant. Through several details, he is managing well. When appearing on variety shows as a group, he made efforts to ensure that every member had the chance to showcase their talents. Before showcases, he is obviously nervous himself but would never forget to remind the others to drink up. He even prioritized group activities over his own, concertedly rejecting solo activities arranged by the company. Till date, he is still the one with the least solo activities. “Instead of myself, it would be better for the other members to begin their solo activities first.”

He is clear-cut and is never trapped between choosing one thing over the other. As a trainee, he also experienced a rebellious phase where he wanted to give up. When he did not know what he wanted, he would follow his heart. He once wrote on SNS “Do whatever you want. If you really love something, then follow your heart and do it.” His motivation sets him on a simple path; start off with love, and put in all his effort into it, working hard to hand in his best submission. He assigned the name Def. to his solo writing, which holds the meaning of “the best, the greatest of all”. Years ago, he had said in a variety show, “When I grow a little older, I must become a truly cool celebrity, and a multi-talented artist.” At that time, when faced with many fresh opportunities, he eagerly leapt forward to try them out, to bloom from all corners. Later, interviewers asked him what his future plans are for the next 5 years, and he said, “Definitely to continue my music-related work, and if my body allows me to, I will continue dancing.” And now, his dreams have more definitively settled on the area of creative music composing, hence, when asked whether he would consider moving into acting again, he said, “Now I can’t fully embody and express a character, but I think I should learn and understand deeply before going into acting. Learning to have restraint and storing one’s potential will help with a better start.

I will open up my heart

Some say the creative must embrace change at all times and maintain a keenness for observation; similarly, Jay B’s awareness of the world is astute and meticulous. He observes life through film lenses, and reflects upon his own feelings in the process. “Through the photos I take, I discovered that my photos are people-centric, and I often am curious about what they are thinking, how they are feeling at that very moment.” The happiness and sorrows of people often differ from one another, but they always leave marks. He likes to record down his surroundings, the people around him and the banalities of everyday life, and incorporate them into his creative works. For example, when writing the song “Rainy”, he laid out photos that he took on a rainy day on the floor of his studio, began arranging and rearranging them, and pondering over the sequences. Thus led to the birth of a rainy love story.

Whether it is on stage or composing music, the ever-changing styles he expresses are undoubtedly based on thoughts and experiences in life. In addition to photography, reading books, watching movies and having conversations with people who have experienced life are all some ways in which he draws inspiration from. “In the future I would like to ponder over everything that I experience genuinely in my life, and describe my true thoughts and feelings. It may not necessarily have to be positive; sometimes it can also be a form of relief by expressing the negativity in a straightforward manner.”

Having been in the spotlight of the entertainment industry for many years, he is no stranger to receiving criticisms, yet he always digests it quietly. His warm, honest aura, along with his sensitivity and sympathetic nature, creates a juxtaposition in his personality. On the performing stage, he is cool and powerful, as if he has an unlimited source energy waiting to be released. In everyday life, the same Jay B he stores that energy and softens up, creating an entirely different image. He is used to treating others with kindness, and knows how to live as himself: “Instead of paying attention to the criticism and living like someone else, I would rather be myself and accept the criticism.” He loves life, and likes to play with his three cats. He remembers a funny incident, “One of my cats likes to lick the carpet, so there was one time I accidentally stepped on the carpet and almost fell.” Like many young folks, during his leisure time, he reads and sleeps to relieve stress. When his schedule is packed, he would take a stroll at the working site, sometimes taking photos and videos and sharing them along the way. He has his own world, but it is not locked up at all; it is wide open and welcome for everyone to visit. There was once where he read a word in a book that reminded him of b-boying, so he simply left the house and b-boyed along the streets, posting a clip of it on SNS. He thinks that the name that Chinese fans call themselves sounds nice, but he also likes calling everyone “best friend”. Realizing he might sound impolite, he carefully added that it does not mean he does not like the former, just like an old friend with no filter who says what they want but never fails to consider your feelings.

Tackling the unknown is full of delight

“Unknown challenges, to me, are very interesting. I find tackling new things to be a really great thing.” In this new year, with a new company and new plans, Lim Jaebeom has started on his journey of transformation. Taking on a path that he has to take alone, even though he may still be adapting to this new identity and role, “I am really alone now, it feels fascinating yet a little awkward.” He understands to cherish, and wishes to continue making even greater music for the group. He also looks forward dearly for his music to find a place of its own in the music sphere. Being faced with the challenges that await him, he is eager to create a world of his own. At a certain program where he was asked by his members, “Are you happy?”, he hesitated and replied: “I don’t know.” In fact, he is just like the music that he writes - it does not shock or excite but you will never get bored of it after repeated listens; the kind of music he pursues is not one with intricate formal design or various showy techniques, but one that expresses of real and honest emotions triggered by real and honest events.

As he faces the ebb and flow of the tide calmly and inches closer to his dreams with each step, he is still the young boy he was before, fiery passion in his gaze, sincerely embracing change, maturing and growing through it. Perhaps he might not know when his personal happiness will arrive, but he has never stopped looking for it. For his era is imminent.

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kpopchangedmylife44 · 4 years ago

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Ateez: honeymoon thread

Hello fellow atinys, my blog reached 500 followers and I would like to thank everyone, who enjoys my stories 🥺 I’m really happy that someone out there gets to read them and it maybe put a smile on their face ☺️ So this is a 500 follower special. It’s a long thread and also kind of a sequel of my wedding post. I planned it for quite some time, but I also procrastinated and everything was overwhelming in life. Now I’m back (kinda) and will start to work on the requests I got. ✨

Hongjoong

Planning: although you both were extremely tired, you insisted to plan everything yourself, so it turned out exactly how you imagined

Location: Italy

Accommodation: several cozy hotels in bigger cities

Food: it’s Italy so you can bet your ass there is a lot of pizza, spaghetti and ice cream involved

Activities:

- you would start your honeymoon in Rome, where you wander around and fall in love with the city

- the architecture and museums are extremely beautiful, so you’re even more happy that you get to experience it with Hongjoong

- visiting Verona and pretending you were Romeo and Juliet (but with a happy ending)

- eating a lot and wearing comfortable clothes as you walk around so much

- Hongjoong is particular affectionate during this trip as he showers you with compliments all the time and never lets go of your hand

- exploring Venice by boat and singing some dramatic song that you once heard in a opera

- wearing couple jackets he designed himself which feature your initials 🥺

- he filmed parts of the trips as he would like to make a short film, which you could enjoy afterwards

Seonghwa

Planning: since you both hated it, you were hiring someone to do it for you, at least you had prepared a mood board and the general direction of your trip

Location: south of France

Accommodation: fancy all the way, either a really nice hotel or a little castle (or chateau how you say it in French)

Food: grapes in the form of wine

Activities:

- prepare yourself for the luxurious trip of a lifetime

- you’re arriving there and everything is ready for you both

- first are reFrEsHMents (which means alcohol)

- full course meals (and yes, this includes your husbands looks)

- boat trips and visiting tiny islands for the day

- taking a lot of selfies

- enjoying the sun and the food (and Seonghwa in swimwear)

- skinny dipping in the sea

- hot nights in the hot tub

- testing wine and feeling a little pretentious

- visiting a chateau and running around there like a music video

- Seongwha saying ,,so ha“ when he sees you

- kisses your hand and hair all the time and is more clingy (or thirsty) than usual

Yunho

Planning: you try to plan without the stressful part, so you ask a professional for help and it’s really smooth from this point on

Location: nationalparks in the USA

Accommodation: small hotels along the road (not Motels)

Food: normal restaurants, but also a lot of burgers

Activities

- it’s like a roadtrip, but way more comfortable

- you sleep in cozy little hotels and visit some bigger cities along the way

- wandering around the nature with Yunho is actually really fun

- although he is quite hyper around everyone he enjoys the calmness of your trip

- always holding your hand and kissing you

- you visit several national parks like Yosemite and could gaze at the stars during the night

- englishi Time

- he is no longer yunhoe bit yunhusband (i’m sorry)

- buys dumb souvenirs like mood rings which you religiously wear from then on

- thought that he saw a bear and almost started crying

- singing really loudly in the forest

- oh and also outdoor sex

Yeosang

Planning: 8 months before the trip, but he actually always had ideas; planned his wedding and honeymoon years ago when he first met you, he also made a mood board and it helped a lot

Location: Japan during the cherry blossom

Accommodation: a traditional house with a lot of privacy, an onsen but also room service, does not look like a hotel but has all the privileges

Food: lots of chicken; Japanese dishes, but also snacks whenever you go out to explore

Activities

- you would first explore Tokyo and visit everything the city has to offer

- as the city is really beautiful but also hectic, you would visit Nara-park and pet the deers to relax

- you would let some street artist paint a portrait of you both as it’s a really fun idea to remember the trip

- shiba inus everywhere and Yeosang melts every time he sees one of them

- ,,Look at how cute they are. We need to adopt at least one in the future“ (and you would, because they are so adorable)

- fotoshootings with the cherry blossom

- after a week in the urban area you would travel along the coast

- Yeosang rented a car for it and you stayed at different hotels along the way, which you also booked prior

- you visited a little island where a lot of bunnys live and had the best time there

- Yeosang always buys souvenirs whenever you visit a new city or attraction

- he especially loves the postcards as he plans to do a collage with them for your honeymoon fotobook

- driving along the coast would be peaceful and filled with laughter, Yeosang giggling to himself and feeling like all of this might as well be a dream

- ,,I never knew it was possible to love someone so much until I met you“

San

Planning: you booked the trip 6 months prior and you gradually became more and more excited for it, although both of you aren’t really into planning, you did it with a lot of excitement and talked about it for hours on end

Location: South Africa

Accommodation: a huge wooden house in the middle of a resort that focuses on reserving the wildlife

Food: a huge variety of fruits and meat, the dinner is a feast every single day of your stay (and so is your husband)

Activities:

- the journey itself would be really cute as you were flying first class and cuddled all the way until you arrived

- San even mumbled in his sleep how excited he was to finally go

- when you arrived you took it really easy, just relaxing at the resort, which also had huge beds and a stunning outdoor area with a whirlpool

- the first evening you relaxed in that whirpool, while spotting some giraffes in the distance and it just hit you like ,,Wow, look how amazing life could be” (bish, I wish)

- you never really believed that you would ever be this happy, finding someone that you loved and going on adventures with him but here you are

- and of course San felt it too, but you just sat there enjoying it, holding hands and not saying anything

- the next couple of days included going on safari, climbing a mountain, standing under a waterfall and chasing sunsets

- it was the perfect balance between adventure and relaxing

- because of your husband you always felt a calmness by his presence

- ,,I wish we could do this all over again, San.“

- ,,Well, we have the rest of our lives to go on adventures like this.“ 🥺🥺🥺

Mingi

Planning: like the wedding itself it happened quite fast without much planning

Location: Australia

Accommodation: several hotels as you also rented a car

Food: some really strange exotic food, but mostly real meals with the occasional burger and cocktails

Activities

- the focus is on having fun, enjoying every moment and just going with the flow

- after all its Mingi, who has a lot of spontaneous ideas

- why not go snorkeling or run naked around the beaches?

- or that time he was convinced that he saw a shark and you both panicked and screamed (but it was a dolphin)

- going to a concert at the beach and dancing until your feet hurt and he has to carry you

- also sleeping at the same beach as you two were too drunk to find the way back to the hotel

- Mingi being extra clingy and giving some people the stink eye, who look too enthusiastically at you

- he wrote a rap for you (inspired by your honeymoon) and performed it by the ocean

- it’s like having the best trip of your life and realising it doesn’t end when you get home, because having Mingi as your husband is a great adventure and he spends every day trying to make you laugh and love life

Wooyoung

Planning: the location itself was decided a long time ago, but the activities are more spontaneous, just going with the flow

Location: Iceland

Accommodation: first in a hotel, then in a mobile home

Food: fresh food like fish and also a lot of snacks

Activities:

- your honeymoon and accommodation were a little unconventional

- you started in the city of Reyjkavic and visited the touristy sights

- you stumbled around the Icelandic phallological museum and decided to go inside for the lols (and had a lot of giggles)

- after a few days in the city you ventured out to the beautiful nature of Iceland

- it started at the blue lagoon, which was the most relaxing thing and you were just hanging out and sipping slushees (they are really good, I had the time of my life lmao)

- then you drive around and it feels like absolute freedom

- you feel like exploring a whole new world as they are a lot of waterfalls and geysers

- Wooyoung feels like he is falling in love with you even more (if that’s even possible) and if he hadn’t already, he would marry you then and there again

- star gazing as there is no air pollution and it’s amazing how many stars there actually are

- visiting the diamond beach, which sparkles and has you feeling like little kids

- long morning snuggles and random hugs throughout the day

- and he would also be your personal photographer and scream how cute you are

- your honeymoon would also include really random stuff (like the penis museum) like skateboarding in the middle of nowhere (like Walter Mitty - the absolute legend) or hiking because you felt like it

- never a dull moment with your husband that’s for sure

Jongho

Planning: he wanted everything to be perfect so you started pretty early (1 year before)

Location: England

Accommodation: small hotels with cozy interior

Food: pretty normal food, you also tried fish & chips once (and it was nothing special)

Activities:

- would hold your hand during the whole flight

- you started your honeymoon in London which you loved at first sight

- the hotel was really central, so you could walk to a lot of sights

- London by night was magical and you visited many museums which had great artwork and were free

- theater nights and going for a walk along the Thames

- after a week you started to explore the cities around London like Oxford, Brighton and Cambridge

- and everything was so stunning and with Jongho by your side you could literally cry, because does it get much better than this??? (well no)

- Jongho declares his love for you at least once a day and although it was so cheesy it still got you giggling and feeling all mushy inside

- he loves all the old buildings and biscuits, so you would probably visit again sometime

- it’s a really nice and somehow relaxing trip although you get to explore so much

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Ducktales: Terror of the Terra-Firmians! (Lena Retrospective) (Commission by WeirdKev27): Launchpad Looses his Last Brain Cell and I Loose My Patience

Welcome back Weblena Warriors to the second part of my look at everyone’s favorite Emo Teen Shadow Lesbian Duck... and probably the only one but hey, semantics, Shadow Into Light, which was made possible by viewers like you, the ultra humanite and a commission from WeirdKev27. Picking up where we left off, we have our first episode that has a different intended order than airing order.

As most of you probably remember, but some of you who joined later might not be aware of the broadcast order for the first half of season one is, in the academic sense, pretty fucked. It’s not Darkwing Duck’s entirely fucked by a web of badger spiders and a queen snake on top to make it some sort of train situation, but by just sorta airing whatever episodes they wanted to, Disney messed with the character balance so Huey got less focus, not that he got a ton of focus this season but still, as well as leaning into the episodes focusing more on the kids with less involvement from the adults which gave the wrong impression about the series. While it IS very focused on the triplets and webby, the show isn’t entirely about them, but as Frank has mentioned a few times, Disney Channel apparently has this WEIRD thing where they assume kids won’t like stories starring the adult characters.

Yeah I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. Mostly how it’s so dumb I could swear Pauly Shore was an exec at Disney Channel. And he might be I don’t know what he’s doing these days and i’d like to keep it that way. For starters, the Scooge comics, while barely published in the US these days, are still popular globally and have appealed to kids and adults for generations and are mostly focused on him, with the kids in a supporting role and Ducktales, you know the thing your directly remaking here, was also mostly about him with the triplets supporting, if a bit less than the comics. Most of the Disney Afternoon was about adult characters, with any kids in side roles in the main cast. And it comes off entirely hypocritical of them to say this when the MCU is easily marvel’s biggest cash cow at the moment, and marvel properties have appealed to both kids and adults, like the duck comics, for decades. And if it’s because the marvel cartoons weren’t doing well , I’ll let you in on a little secret: Those didn’t do well because they looked bland and from what I’ve seen of them felt kind of bland, though I haven’t seen enough to fully judge. Kids LIKE adult characters as much as kid characters, and also like teen characters despite not being teens. Focusing on either is valid and while I LIKED Disney’s youth starring shows I also want another X-Men cartoon before I turn 50, and I bet kids would like that too, with the last one only failing because you bailed on it because you were throwing a hissy fit over fox having the movie rights, and do not get me started on that. Point is this argument is horse shit and should stay in the stables.

So yeah I do think this episode came too soon and it’s placement effected it at the time and as such it dosen’t have the best rep with the fandom aside from the Lena bits and that includes me. The fact it was very early in the series and the characterizations hadn’t yet sunk in really hurt this episode in places but is it really that bad? Join me under the cut to find out

We open at the movies! Which scrooge apparently hasn’t been too since the 1930′s or seen any on video despite Della existing and being really stubborn.

A rant for another episode. But the kids just got out of a Mole Monster movie, along with Lena, Beakly and Launchpad. Their reactions are as follows: Lena, Webby and Dewey really enjoyed it, Huey found it unrealistic... says the boy whose uncle fought a dragon made of gold a month or two back but we’ll get to that, and Louie was bored and felt it didn’t have enough of the ultra violence, kids these days it’s not about the gore it’s about the tension. And Beakly.. is just pissed Lena tricked them into seeing this and said it was educational. And the more I think about it the more this sounds like BEAKLYS fault than Lena’s. BEAKLY is the one who likely bought the tickets, who saw it was likely an r or pg-13 and who as we’ve seen HAS A PHONE, and ulnike scrooge probably isn’t so stingy she wouldn’t spring for a smart phone, so she could’ve just googled it, or whatever bird related pun is in this version.. gandered it.. yeah let’s go with that, gandered it, and SEEEN it wasn’t appropriate or walked htem out of the theater and ate the cost if she was that bothered by it. Sitting through a Horror Movie you didn’t research, didn’t pull the kids out of and dind’t bother to even check the poster for or use basic common sense is YOUR fault. And this could’ve worked fine, had Lena talk the kids into begging for it or had launchpad take them and have Beakly find out after, having driven to pick them up as she didn’t trust launchpad to take them home. Instead it makes the former super spy look REALLY stupid and feels really out of character for a SPY to not to do research. And it wasn’t like they decided on this later, Bentina being a spy was part of the character’s backstory from day one and its made clear as early as episode 2 in both airing orders. This is just lazy writing to justify the episode and I expect better from this crew.

But an argument errupts between Huey and Webby over the Terra-Firmians, a hidden race of rock people living in Duckburg’s discontinued sewer system, allegedlys. So Lena suggest simply going down which gets a disapproving look from Beakly, despite you know this being their bread and butter, and the fact that if she had a problem with Scrooge not being involved.. she could just call him. Exploring fabled rock people is something he’d be into. I mean there’s a low profit margin but it also costs him almost nothing to walk to the theater or have launchpad swing around and pick him up. Just gas which given how much he pays for jet fuel isn’t a big ask. But Beakly soon gets distracted by Launchpad whose convinced the film is real and is attacking the poster a grim sign of things to come as while Beakly annoyed me in this one on rewatch, especially after realizing the above... Launchpad annoyed me both times and for VERY good reason we’ll get into. This provides a distraction and allows the trio to escape. Cue titles.

After the title sequence, our heroes head deeper underground, there’s too much panic in this town... I mean props to Donald for trying something new but he really needs to rethink his cologne choices. Sex Panther is just.. not a good smell on.. anyone.

So our heroes journey through the depths of the subway system, and we find out part of why Huey’s so skeptical, as he finds anything that isn’t in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook to not exist, though the cracks in this already show as he’s added anything that does. We’ll get back to this later but as you can tell the basic dynamic for 24 minutes is Webby being a wholehearted True Believer and Huey being a Skeptical Sally. And Lena is just sorta “Eh gives me an excuse for shenanigans” about it. We also get a peak into webby’s mind as we see her notes .. which really just come off as Terra-Firmian fanfiction involving a war of succession between two sides, the terra’s and the firmies, something based on previous media, and also some doodles of a fictional candy called webby-dings and herself as a superhero, both things I want to see.

But yeah the first third of the episode is pretty simple, just them journeying, the occasional shift in the firmament, and it’s not bad, and there are a few great bits: Huey nerds out about rocks, and finds them way more interesting than a possible rock monster.

Which leads to the best gag of the episode as when Huey tries to pick up a big sample Webby, annoyed at his hyperfixation on the JWG, asks him to ask his book for help.. which he does by reading it and actually manages to pick the large rock up. This is halted though when Lena screams.. though she really just did it to draw them to an abandoned subway car full of glomgold posters for glomgold products because of course a failed subway project has his name plastered over it. You can’t spell glomgold without failure.. the failure is silent. Glomgold is not.

The fun is interuptted though by a livid Beakly who had realized they were missing in an earlier scene, after telling the Manager that McDuck Industries would pay for the poster.. and then found out Launchpad also destroyed the toilets “They come up thorugh the sewers!”. Launchpad that’s CHUDS, Ninja Turtles and Rats who raised Ninja Turtles like their own sons, mole people dig or use old mineshafts. It’s basic mole science. Also Beakly really shouldn’t sweat it, I just assumed the city has had a runnig bill witht he company for “McDuck Family and Employee Related Accidents, Mayhem and Shenanigans”. I mean he’s had Gyro on his payroll for at least a decade and a half by the series start, Gyro has leveled whole sections of city in an afternoon more than most giant monsters. Of which several have destroyed Duckburg. It got better.

Point is she’s livid about them sneaking off with Lena pointing out their some sort of adventure family and Beakly.. saying she won’t see them again, or at least implying it hard. I’ll put a pin in this, as the train buckles and a bit of seismic, or rock men, activity means their stuck. So they divide into teams: Beakly will go try and unhook the train car from the busted cars so they can ride out, Launchpad will go try and fix it, and we get this lovely exxchange as a result

Launchpad: Cool never crashed a train before Beakly: Can’t you try driving it without crashing it? Launchpad: Wha?

His face in that scene is priceless. He takes Dewey along. More on that in a second. Webby, Huey and Louie are told to stay put with Beakly only bringing Lena along because she dosen’t trust her. So since we have three split plots for a second... let’s split up gang, starting with the most aggrivating, middling with what you all came here for and why this is part of the retrsopective, and ending with the plot that directly heads into the final part of the episode.

Launchpad and Dewey: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay starting with the most infamous plot and easily the worst part of this episode, probably the worst plot in any Ducktales 2017 episode. That’s not hyperbole it’s really that bad and really pissed people off, as fans of the original launchpad felt they made him overly stupid. This is where the airing order’s a problem as putting an episode with a subplot where one of your characters is obnoxiously dumb right up front means they assume this is his charcter and not just one poorly written chapter in a very dumb but very loveable characters life, likely because the writers hadn’t figured out how to properly scale his stupidity with comptience.

So as a result we get a good 3-4 mintutes if not agonizingly more of Launchpad assuming something he saw in a fucking movie film was real. That.. that’s his actual plot. Need I remind you, he’s in his late 20′s early 30′s. He’s not much older than me. While other episodes have him as dim this one claims he CAN’T TELL FACT FROM FICTION.

There are lines you have to keep with your characters to keep the audience from hating them. They crossed it about 80 times with this plot and make Launchpad into a gibbering dunderhead who can’t do anything right versus a regular dunderhead whose good at one or two things and loveable enough for us to like him and not care about his numerous safey violations and child endagerment charges. Thankfully this is the ONLY episode that gets this bad and they clearly learned from this, but it dosen’t make it any less of a tough sit.

Dewey spends most of the subplot with a look on his face that just screams that he’s as done with this bullshit as we are, as Launchpad assumes he’s a mole person and brought along a pipe to presumibly bludgeon him, because wanting to cave his best friends skull in over stupidity is a GREAT look> Thankfuly he does not. And when the lights come back on Launchpad.. assumes he’s a monster because of bright light, GAH, and locks him out before they end up outside and the plto resolves itself by Dewey pointing out by Launchpad’s utterly baffling logic that he could be a mole monster, so Launchpad.. assumes he is.

The subplot’s later buttoned up as he claims “I love being a mole monster”, again diffrent subteranian creature launchpad, she says he’s not and my suffering is thankfully at an end. This plot just sucks, it’s bad, overly stupid and dosen’t work with an adult character. Someone like say Ed from Ed, Edd N Eddy, or someone who belivies in weird conspiracy stuff like Dale Gribble or Stan Pines. with either of them this plot would’ve been fucking great. I could buy it from Dale and it just comes off as his normal paranoid weirdness. With Launchpad it comes off like he seriously needs help because the episode frames it as if he can’t tell ficton from reality, and his splotlight episode later would directly contridct this and make this episode even more aggrivating, as he’s a fan of Darkwing Duck, and KNOWS it’s acted out by an actor, so why wouldn’t he get this? It’s just....

It sucks, it sucks and I thankfully get to move on to a better subplot

Beakly and Lena: What You Are in the Dark

Beakly tells Lena she’ll never see Webby again after this.. then chastises her when she won’t help despite you know having just said she’s going to force their friendship apart, which Lena points out. She then gets mad at Lena making a sarcastic comment at her. Okay she’s lived with Louie for at least a week in airing order and a month or two in actual order. She has to be used to this by now. She’s insolent.. because you show her no respect, blame her for something that while sure she talked you into, you should’ve known better, and top it off by saying you want to keep her from the kids because they have bright futures and come from good familes and asks who rasied her and her face.. well.

Yeah wheras Launchpad and Huey, more on that in a second, were hurt by this being some of their earliest big roles, Bentina wasn’t.. until later when we found out just HOW bad Magica is to Lena and how much she dosen’t care about her other than as a tool to use. At this point we didn’t know just how much Lena was playing webby, how much she was only manipulating her, and even with her heroic act here we didn’t know if she only saw Webby as her way to break free. The next episode makes it clear she dosen’t and genuinely does care, 100%, so in hindsight it makes Bentina come off as ghoulsih for horribly asssuming about a girl she dosen’t know, and even if she did know about Magica wouldn’t know the full story, just like us, and then BERATING her after already saying she’s going to rip her away from Webby, which itself is PRETTY bad as she’s the only friend the girl has and sh’es doing so on... talking them into a horror movie, which as I outlined was more Bentina’s fault than Lena’s, and leading the kids into a dangerous place whicha gain, Lena pointed out is something she lets Scrooge do. And trust me i know that she actually knows Scrooge, and we later find out, as we’ll cover next month, that she isn’t ware HOW dangerous things are with Scrooge. It dosen’t change the fact she knows they do dangerous stuff to a point and that Lena may just be acting out. It also dosen’t change the fact she drove three children, yes including launchpad, down here with her instead of sending them home with Launchpad.. granted that option isn’t the safest but it’s safer than taking her with them thena cting like it’s ALL lena’s fault when three of the children, again including launchpad, are down there because of HER. Not Lena, HER. I’m harder on her because she’s older, wiser and was “raised properly” apparently. Though given the way she treats a random teen off the street she again knows nothing about and dind’t bother to ask... it begs the question.

IT’s a good question. I could see the classism coming from being raised in 40′s and 50′s britain, judging by the timeline.. but even then she’s seen the world, and while her nature is supscious, the classit bullshit makes no sense after presumibly working with, and later spymastering for, various agents of various backgrounds. How has she not dropped this in decades. Scrooge very clearly dropped the racisim and homophobia of his time, so it still stands on her for not dropping this. And Lena’s hurt shows under hte mask for the first time, that beneath the snark and secrecy.. is just an abused teenager with nowhere else to go and no way out being bullied by an older woman whose cutting off the only light at the end of the tunnel nto for good reason but out of classist, overprotective mallice. My issues, which to be fair probably were intentional in the episode but sitll are a bit overblown, aside we do get an absoluttley tremendous moment later as a car falls on top of Beakly.. and Magica, speaking once more urges Lena to leave her, let her die and let their plans progress. And while that iself is.. dumb, what if someone finds her or her corpse later, especially since Scrooge would likely perosnally want to retrive the body to give her a proper burial as she’s his only friend at this point, or the rest of the family questoin the story?, it fits Magica’s lack of foresight we see throughout the season. But Lena... saves her. While she later gives an explination, and a valid one at that, it’s clear from her expressoin, her actoins and how she does it... that this is her. Part of it is defiance, as she glares at Magica before doing it, her own stubborn nature mixed with her hatred of her “aunt”, meaning Magica just made it all too easy for her to do this. But the real reason is clear: It’s the right thing to do. While pissing off her aunt and getting away with it is the cherry on top.. the real reason is that unlike Magica.. Lena is not a killer, not a monster, and not a heartless vacum ofa person. Even if she doesn’t like Beakly, for good reason.. she can’t, she WON’T leave her to die and leave Webby an orphan again. She loves Webby too much to do that to her and while she may deny it.. she’s too good a person to leave someone to die for something so petty. Even if she never sees webby again and the plans ruined. It’s better than the weight of knowing she let someone who wasn’t trying to harm her and whose actions, while terrible, were out of misguided protection of her granddaughter, die like this. She saves her. And as we’ll see it pays off.. but before that.

Huey, Webby and Louie: Into the Unknown This plot’s a bit shorter, as Webby and Huey continue their argument, with Louie eventually making it clear, and not even hiding it when directly asked by Huey, that he’s playing both sides with a delighted expression on his face as the movie was boring but this, this is interesting. Which it is. But it’s interupted by dings on the roof and while Huey assumes i’ts just a regular rock, it moves while their not lookiung.. and soon red eyed, horrifying beasts look out at them and the kids flee back to the car. This dosen’t pan out as the car starts to shake and is clearly going to collapse.. and while Webby and Louie are prepared to flee, rock monsters or no, Huey, in an utterly heart shattering image.. stays in place, terrified of moving.

This is where this plot goes from mildly aggrivating, as Huey’s Skeptic shenanigans can get on the nerves.. to BRILLIANT. See at the time this was more annoying because it was assumed the skepticsim would be a part of Huey’s character and we’d get more episodes of him being annoying only to be proven wrong, as he semeingly dosen’t learn his lesson at this point, looging the terrafrimians in the guide book. But on rewatch.. this plot is amazing. For starters the plot subtly introduced the defening characteristic of Huey’s personality, one that’s become more prounounced in Season 3: His need for Order. He needs things to make sense: He solves stuff because he likes there to be order in the world and something he can understand, he can put in a box in his head. Like a lot of neurotypical people, myself included, he struggles horribly when the clearly defined boxes of his life and things he undestand have wrinkles or complexities he can’t get. I for instnace easily got it when I was introduced to the concept of trans people or being non binary.. they just make sense in hindsight: given how our brains are messya nd complicated it makes sense some people would be born in the wrong ones, and tht with all the science and medicine we have to correct that, should be allowed to transition if they so choose. It makes equal sense that some people just don’t have a gender or are gender fluid, being both or neither. Despite struggling with non binary prounouns due to force of habit.. I get the concept with no real difficulty. But when it comes to accepting I don’t have to apologize for everything and that everyone is not angry or that anger is natural and people sometimes get mad and you can’t and shouldnt’ fix it.. it’s something I STRUGGLE with even knowing it’s not right, because my brain is just wired that way.

That’s how Huey’s struggle comes off here.. he reveals he’s willing to stay and die.. because he’s SO scared of the unknown, that the idea of dying from something he at least knows what it is versus something he dosen’t.., so paralizyed by his own brain he can’t figure out the obvious.. it takes Webby reaching out to him figuratively and literally, to show him that sometimes you have to face the unknown. The unknown is fucking terrifying.. but it can be good and it’s better than sitting there, scared and unable to move. You have to try, to grow and take that risk that things may not go well to really LIVE.

So he does.. and they reunite with the rest of the group.. and soon find the terrafirmains.. who as it turns out once we get some light on them... are actually just goofy looking, brightly colored, each one matching one of the kids, kids themselves, and Huey reaches out and touches one, which by ET logic means their friends now, and the terrafirmians help them get out. And this lesson sticks. While sure Huey catalogues it and it seems it didn’t.. he’s never this skeptical again. This douchey skepticsim was only for one episode, his fear of the uknown replcaed with boundless curosity and from here on he’s CURIOUS about new stuff as long as it’s not trying to kill him. He loves taking in new experinces, maybe not to webby levels but he does actually try them and study them instead of just fearing them.

Before we wrap things up, obviously we need to talk about the JWG not having entries on a lot of stuff. This would be corrected next season as it returns to being a big book of everything, but dosen’t completely contridct this as Timephoon! shows there’s stillcgaps.. which i’m fine with. While it knowing EVERYTHING was fine for the original series here, with things being slightly more groudned, it’d just be an obvious plothole if Huey didn’t use it every single time they ran into something and that’d get boring. Instead it’s simply that it dosen’t know everything, and really in the comics at times it didn’t and the triplets found out new things. It knew almost everything mind you, but having some gaps for dramatic tnesion is fine with me and Seasons 2 and 3 decided on that instead of just having it being a scouting manual which wa sfor the best. And even by later in the season hit has guides to getting a small buisness loan, so they already course corrected.

So everything’s wrapped up and while Magica berates Lena for disobeying her.. Beakly interputps, thankfully not seeing magica and admits she was wrong and invites Lena for pancakes, even taking a crack about if their actually pancakes or english muffins with syrup, which sounds like my own living hell, in stride, having clearly grown. And Lena explains to Magica that this was the better approach: now she’s got the in theyw anted, and is above suspcison for now. Still not so much that an obvious act won’t be detected but enough that she dosen’t ahve to work actively around her anymore. Magica scoffs.. and while part of it is probably rage.. part of it is deep down both of them know she did it out of defiance.. and only Lena knows that she did it for the right reasons... she just dosen’t get why. She probably justifies it as playing the long game.. but deep down she knows something’s changing about her.. and she’s not sure if that’s a godo thing or not.

Final Thoughts: This episode is as you can tell a mixed bag. It’s 2/3 of a good episode, with the Lena plot, my issues aside, being excellent and the Terra-Firmian plot likewise fun, even if Huey can get grating the payoff is worth it, and the jokes are really high quality. It’s just bogged down by that fucking launchpad plot that just crushed my soul in it’s palms every time it came back. I went on at length why i hated that one but boy oh boy was the hate of that subplot warranted and I stand by calling it the worst plot of the series. It is: it’s not funny, it makes no goddamn sense, and it drags down what’s otherwise a pretty solid epsiode.

Next Time on Lena: Jaws the shark, lurking in the dark, in the depths of the bin one day of a lark decides to get rowdy, get real violent takes a vacay out to Duckburg er.. Island.. also Scrooge faces his greatest Nemesis.. a PR Tour to clean up his image after an unfortunate giant Beanstalk Incident. Be there and be hip to be square.

Next Time on This Blog: I Tackle a DCOM for the first time for another commissioned review as we take a look at racisim, specifically Apartheid and breaking indoctrination, with The Color of Friendship. See you next Rainbow.

#ducktales #ducktales 2017 #lena sabrewing #webby vanderquack #weblena #bentina beakly #launchpad mcquack #huey duck #louie duck #dewey duck #terror of the terra-firmians!#disney channel #disney xd #disney plus #disney #disney ducks #comissions

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16woodsequ · 4 years ago

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The Alternative Timeline; A Journey

If you don't know, I have spent the last two years writing a 2012-alternate timeline AU Marvel fanfic. (You can find it here).

It has grown way past anything that I could have ever imagined. In celebration of completing the final chapter of the fourth part, I thought I would make a post detailing this journey for anyone interested, because when I started this in 2019, I definitely did not expect to end up writing an epic of over 500,000 words.

Spoilers under the cut.

First off, I think it is important to note that before I started the first fic in this series, Alternatively, I had published a total of two (2) fics in the mcu universe. My very first Marvel fic Lessons Learned was posted January 2019. My second Marvel fic Never Again was posted March 2019. (Both of which combined have a total word count of 5,716.) And then, on May 4th, 2019, I watched Avengers: Endgame, and lost my mind.

Upon watching Endgame, I was struck immediately by the time-travel scene to 2012. The fact that 2023!Steve told 2012!Steve that Bucky was alive...and that he said 'Hail Hydra' to the STRIKE team in the elevator...never mind the fact that Loki got away with the Tesseract...

There was just so much potential there. I wanted to build an AU where Steve and Tony could be friends, and I was pumped to explore the consequences of 2023!Steve's 'Hail Hydra'. I thought this universe had the potential to right a lot of wrongs, and I just had to try it.

So first I had to start planning. This was right after Endgame was released, so there weren't a lot of posts going around about the alternate timeline. I had to come up with most of my theories and ideas myself.

Also, there were hardly any Youtube videos of the specific scenes I needed from Endgame, and there was no online script yet, because the movie was still in theatres. So I had to resort to shaky illegally filmed videos from people in theatre to get the dialogue I needed from the 2012 time-travel scene. It was a struggle. XD

Writing Alternatively

One big hurdle I had to figure out was how Steve would go undercover in Hydra. I knew I wanted him to, because that would be super interesting, and would allow him to find Bucky and take down Hydra from the inside, but I had to figure out how he convinced Hydra of his loyalty in the first place.

The path I chose (Steve claiming he is disillusioned with the modern world etc.) may seem rather obvious to the outside observer, but it might amuse you to learn I played around with the idea of Steve trying to claim he was secretly partial to Hydra even during the war. I honestly did spend a few days contemplating Steve somehow trying to say he was on Hydra's side even while he was actively fighting them. It makes me laugh to think about it now.

Obviously I went with a more believable lie, and eventually figured out everything I wanted to have happen in the story. At this point, I had no plans to write more than a single story.

Because Endgame had just come out, and I was so excited about this idea, I wanted to write it and get it out as fast as possible. For some reason I was worried that someone else would write the idea before I did. It felt like such an intriguing concept that I thought for sure other people would do it too. As such, I had several WIPs that I put on the back burner while I focused all my attention on writing Alternatively. (These WIPs still haven't been published, my writing has improved immensely over the last two years, so I think I might have to re-write them XD).

One thing that helped me a lot writing this story is I already had a lot of headcanons about the inner lives of the characters, and I was desperate for somewhere to put them. I hadn't had a chance yet to really write about Steve's PTSD, so that became a major theme in the story that helped push it along.

Alternatively was the longest story I had ever written when I first got started. Before writing Alternatively, the longest (published) word count I had was 7,544. And, I had only published one (1) multi-chapter fic, that had three chapters, and 4,621 words.

Looking at that, I doubt anyone could have imagined what I was about to undertake. Not even myself. But I really really wanted to write the story, so I ran with it.

I decided that I was going to write all the chapters first, before I published it. This is what I had been doing with my WIPs anyway (and I'm glad I did, or those things wouldn't have been updated for like, two years). I will admit that once I got to chapter 10 of Alternatively I was really tempted to just start posting it, because I was so excited and really wanted to start sharing it.

I managed to restrain myself though. It took my four months to write all twenty chapters of Alternatively. It was a frustrating process at times, because I had an idea in my head of what I wanted, but I felt like my writing skills were not on par with that ideal. I wanted this fic to be good, and it was hard to get it to where I wanted it. This got easier over time though, because one thing a project like this does is give you writing practice.

At the time, I didn't even have my own laptop, so I was writing on school computers, or my family computer. (I got a laptop once I started The Alternate Handler though, this story is actually part of what pushed me to get a laptop in the first place.)

Finally, I finished the last chapter, and I edited it for the final time, and then, on August 29th, 2019, I published the first chapter.

I was amazed at the response I received. Before this I had only written twelve stories, most of them oneshots. I'm not saying my story went viral or anything, but I got a lot more feedback than I was used to. This was super awesome, and made me even more excited to share what I had written.

Even as I was posting Alternatively, I didn't really expect to write any more in this universe. Except...there was so much about Bucky in this story that the reader didn't get to see. I knew all about it because I had to know what was going on in his head while Steve did his thing, but the readers wouldn't know more than Steve knew.

And so, as I posted Alternatively, a very determined plot-bunny began to work away at my brain. I actually gave into it at one point and wrote a little bit of what would become The Alternate Handler, but I stopped after the first four chapters for a while.

Fun fact: The first four chapters I wrote are actually the first two chapters of The Alternate Handler. Each chapter was only about 2,000 words long, so when I started writing the story in earnest, I combined the first four chapters into two.

I don't remember what exactly was the trigger that made me really want to write Bucky's side of things, but around the time that I posted chapter 10 of Alternatively, I started getting the same insane urge that had pushed me to write Alternatively in the first place, and I decided to go for a sequel.

Writing The Alternate Handler

I started posting this story Jan 2020.

I was excited to write this story, because of how interesting Bucky's thoughts were, but part of me was a little nervous that people would not be interested in reading the same fic from another pov. I knew it would be interesting, but I wasn't sure if people would give it a shot.

I decided to go for it anyways. I was pretty amazed at myself because I had just written something that was 100,000 words long, and people seemed to be liking it. (Of course, I never could have imagined that The Alternate Handler would double that. I definitely expected it to be about 20 chapters long like the first one.)

I decided that I wanted to get as much of The Alternate Handler finished before I finished posted Alternatively as I could, so that I could started posting The Alternate Handler right away. I felt that the best way to keep a steady readership was to make sure they could follow the next story right away.

That meant that I had only about 10 weeks to write as many chapters as I could. For all my stories, I had an outline of basic plot points, so I could keep track of everything I wanted to have happen. It was helpful, but also did not anticipate the scope of what would happen.

I had a general idea of what would happen, and I had vague ideas of scenes I wanted, but none of it was nailed down. As I wrote it felt like I was walking forward a few steps to illuminate the path I needed, and then snagging the right plot points out of the air.

Bucky's mindset also took some work to figure out. How do you write from the pov of someone who barely remembers anything? Does he know how to use metaphors? Does he know what a microwave is? How dependent is he? The first few chapters where Bucky is deep in his Winter Soldier programming took a lot of thought.

One of the fun things about writing this story was that I got to dive deeper into my headcanons of exactly how Hydra brainwashed Bucky. Before this I had some vague scenes and ideas, but this story really forced me to come up with a coherent timeline for Bucky's experience under Hydra, which is pretty cool. Once I had that, I could decide how and when I would reveal the pieces throughout the story.

Anyway, I managed to write 12 chapters of The Alternate Handler before I finished posting Alternatively. (Which is super impressive.) And somehow I managed to keep ahead of my posting schedule for twenty-eight more chapters.

I honestly can't believe it sometimes. I actually wrote a 40 chapter fic, and posted once a week for forty weeks, with only a head-start of 12 chapters. (And at the same time, I was like, finishing university and working. So no, I don't know how I survived.)

Reader influences: Unlike Alternatively, where I had everything written ahead of time, this story was still being written as I was posting, so the readership did have some influence on what I put out, which you may find interesting.

Bucky's arm: When I first started writing, I didn't have a concrete plan to replace Bucky's metal arm with something better. That may be a shocker, but that arc starts happening way later on into the story (around chap 32). Because of how long and intricate the plot and story is, there is simply no way I could plan every detail when I first got started. I didn't start offcially planning to have an arc around his arm until a reader mentioned in a comment that they hoped it would happen. (And I was like, 'oh yeah, that should definitely happen...eventually.' And made a note to work it in when it became appropriate.) The comment happened pretty early on in the story, so it was easy for me to start laying down the foundation for that arc.

Bucky's arm part two: Another thing a reader had a direct influence is the blue star Bucky has on his new arm. Originally I wasn't planning to have a star at all. I was going to have Bucky decide he didn't want one. But then I had a reader request that I keep the star, and I decided that keeping it would not upset any character development. I had already set up blue as an important colour in the story, so I decided to change Bucky's decision and have him request a blue star. I like it. It is a clear symbol of this Bucky, versus any other Bucky.

Surprises

One thing that surprised me while writing and posting this story, is the readership prediction for Bucky's choice of whether or not to fight. I posted a chapter that focused on Bucky watching himself react to being drafted, and then remembering himself choosing to follow Steve, and then cliffhangered on him having to decide if he wanted to join the Avengers.

I asked something in the author's notes about 'what do you think he will do?', and a surprising amount of people (to me anyways) thought that he would chose to fight. I had always planned to have Bucky retire from fighting, so I was a little shocked. I thought with a whole chapter about Bucky learning he never really wanted to fight at all, that people would think he would want to take a break.

I think the consensus came from the desire to see Bucky and Steve fight together like old times. I think Bucky joining Steve on missions is a common indication of him overcoming his past and avenging/revenging on Hydra, so in the end I am not surprised that a lot of people might expect that to happen.

Because of that response I was a little nervous people wouldn't be happy with Bucky's choice, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Bucky's arc and choosing not to fight is really important, and I think everyone is happy with how it went.

It took ten months to post all of The Alternate Handler. As I was writing, I was not planning to write anymore. I was mostly focused on finishing the story, and didn't expect to write a third part...

But, my traitorous mind whispered, this universe could fix everything. We can make Civil War less painful. We can keep them from fighting. We can do it properly.

To be honest, it didn't take a lot of convincing for me to give in and start planning An Alternate Approach.

Writing An Alternate Approach

I started posting this story Oct. 2020.

I started planning this with a lot of time to spare. I still had most of The Alternate Handler to write and finish posting when I decided to go for this fic too.

Some challenges were that I wanted to show the Avengers going through the same things as the original Avengers, but doing it better. I had already gotten rid of the Winter Soldier problem, and Tony knew about his parents, so we didn't have to deal with any of that, but I still wanted to do the UN bombing and that drama, because T'Chaka's death is very important to T'Challa's and Wakanda's development, so I felt it still needed to happen.

Of course...I had nipped Ultron in the bud, meaning Sokovia wasn't destroyed, and Zemo had no reason to go after Bucky.

Thankfully, I came up with the idea of having Rumlow do it in time to foreshadow it a little in The Alternate Handler (the fact that they never find him, even though they know he is out there etc.)

Like last time, I wanted to post The Alternate Approach as soon as I finished The Alternate Handler. It was a bit of a crunch time for me, but I managed to get all eight chapters finished in time. I basically finished writing The Alternate Handler and immediately started writing An Alternate Approach. I finished The Alternate Handler August 1st, and finished the last chapter of The Alternate Approach September 10th.

Originally I was expecting An Alternate Approach to be a bit longer, but things happened quicker than I thought they would.

A challenge for this story is that most of it happens during a movie. There was a lot of original stuff happening and interesting inner thoughts, but I was restricted in what I could do because of the script I still had to refer to. Also because this story was only eight chapters long, I didn't have as much space to work through character development.

Reader influences: Like with Alternatively, I managed to finish the story before I posted it, but the readers did have a little influence on the content.

Mostly it had to do with their reaction to Everette Ross. I think a challenge with this story is there is Everette Ross, and there is Thaddeus Ross. Thaddeus Ross is much worse than Everette Ross, but I think the readers mixed the two up sometimes because they share the same last name.

To top it off, I wanted to show Everette Ross' character arc a little, because he obviously changes from Civil War to Black Panther. There wasn't a lot of space to show the glimpse of his character and how he could be better than he seems. The readership really hated him at times, so I did edit his lines and facial expressions a little to try to make it clear that he thinks differently than Thaddeus Ross.

Actually, in chapter five, Steve has a nightmare about Hydra trying to wipe Bucky and trapping Steve in the SSR capsule he got the serum in. Originally, I was going to have the main villain in the dream be Thaddeus Ross, to symbolise how Steve was uneasy around him, and how Ross thought of Bucky. But the readership was already literally out for Ross' blood, and suspected him to be Hydra (which was not canon in the story). They really wanted something bad to happen to Ross, but I knew that wouldn't happen, so I decided to change Ross to Rumlow in the dream. This helped foreshadow Rumlow's later involvement, and it also didn't give the reader any more reasons to hate or suspect Ross.

If I were to write this again, I think I would try to make it more clear which Ross it which, since I think the same last names really didn't help the situation.

Writing The Alternate End

I started posting this story Nov 2020.

For a long time, I never intended to write The Alternate End. I had The Alternate Approach all planned out, but I was adamant that this time, I was 100% not going to write any more.

This not because I didn't like the series. I loved it, and my readers loved it too. But at the time, I hadn't finished The Alternate Handler yet, and I hadn't even started The Alternate Approach.

The thought of trying to write an Endgame fic felt a little overwhelming. I was worried I would run out of momentum at some point, and I would leave my readers hanging. I had been writing and posting a chapter a week for over a year at that point, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep it up for as long as I needed.

While I was trying to dodge plot-bunnies, I tried to convince myself that an Endgame fic wouldn't be interesting. I figured it would be just the same as any other Endgame fix-it fic. I was truly convinced that the readers would be satisfied by me bringing them all the way to Civil War, and then just, ending it there.

It makes me laugh to think about it now. I really thought I could just be like "The End! I'm sure you can imagine the rest" XD.

And then I was at work one day, thinking about the next chapter of The Alternate Handler, and thinking of how much I still had to write, including The Alternate Approach...and thinking pointedly that I was not going to write an Endgame fic...and then my traitorous brain decided to speak up again.

I had exactly two (2) thoughts that were my downfall. First my brain was like: What if we wrote it from Tony's pov? We've never written it from Tony's pov before.

And plot-bunny-brain was like "ooooh". But I was like, "No! It will still be a normal Endgame fix-it fic. People can read other fix-it fics if they want to know what happens."

And then my brain was like, What about the fact that they know about the time-travellers? What if they decide to leave a message about Thanos when they time-travel?

It makes me laugh to think that the simple warning message that Tony gives his alternate-self is the spark that got this story going. Once I started writing it, that scene was not what I looked forward to the most. But at the time, knowing about the time-travellers, and leaving a message behind was something completely unique to my AU, and so that is what I needed to jumpstart my desire to write this story.

As soon as I had those two thoughts, I knew I was done for. I actually stopped dead at work and stared ahead in betrayal and amusement. I was like, 'I really am going to write this, aren't I? I haven't even finished The Alternate Handler, but I'm going to plan out two whole stories to write after this, aren't I?'

And I did. I finished The Alternate Handler in the summer. Because I was already planning to write two more parts, I was able to set up some of what I needed for those parts in The Alternate Handler. (Such as Clint's family and Scott's introduction.)

I started writing The Alternate Approach as quickly as I could. I knew I only had a short window before school started again, and I wanted to get to The Alternate End as soon as possible so that I could get ahead on that.

Once I started posting The Alternate Approach, I had about eight weeks to write as many chapters of The Alternate End as I could. In the end, I managed to write ten chapters ahead of time, and I somehow managed to keep that lead for the rest of the twenty or so chapters.

I was a bit nervous about this fic, because it followed the movies for a while. I tried to keep at least one original scene in each chapter, and I thought Tony's pov was interesting, but I knew I wanted the Snap to happen. I also knew we had to start at the beginning of Infinity War, because we needed those scenes to establish character development and such.

Writing Tony was also its own challenge. Tony had already had a lot of character development, but we didn't see his side of it. He was in a better place than mcu!Tony, but I still needed him to be able to improve. It was a tricky balance trying to show the results of the character development he'd been having for three stories, while also making room for more.

Another thing about writing Tony is he has a lot more relationship dynamics to work with. In Steve's stories, his relationship dynamics are mostly between Bucky and Tony, and in Bucky's story the dynamics are mostly between him and Steve, and then eventually him and Tony, with a few snapshots of the other Avengers and his sister.

Tony has dynamics with Steve and Bucky, Rhodey, Pepper, and Peter. Plus any other Avengers who happen to be there. And then, Nebula and his relationship became unexpectedly important. It was a challenge to balance the relationships. I wanted to show Steve and Tony, because we had been watching it grow for ages now, but I also wanted to establish his relationship with Pepper, something we had only barely caught a glimpse of before.

On a different note, one thing I cursed Endgame for all the time was the sheer number of characters it has. In scenes with the whole cast I could be juggling 15-20 characters! It was a lot!

It took a lot of work, but I managed to finish The Alternate End three chapters ahead of time. It was a relief to finish, and I was excited for the approaching time I could start posting the oneshots I had planned for this universe.

Writing Alternative Options

I started posting this story May 2021.

I'm not sure exactly when I first got the idea to write oneshots within this universe. I think I had some readers suggest oneshots of different character's povs, and at that point I didn't even try to resist the plot-bunnies. I was just like, "why not?"

I had one reader request an alternate scene to chapter 10 of Alternatively waaaay back at the beginning of this adventure. It intrigued me, so I wrote it and shared it with them privately. I also had a scene I had to take out chapter 35 of The Alternate Handler, so since I already had those two documents sitting on my computer, it was nice to come up with somewhere to share them with everyone.

Also, like Bucky's pov in The Alternate Handler, I had a lot of extra content in my head of other character's motivations and povs that don't get spotlighted in the other stories. It's all in my head anyways, I might as well share it somewhere.

I wrote the first eight or so oneshots of Alternative Options whenever I felt particularly inspired. I wrote the very first chapter back in February 2021, but I actually wrote the second chapter way back in August 2020 (same with the onshot A Change in Protocol.) I rearranged the first eight chapters into what I thought would flow best.

Writing the oneshots was sometimes a nice break from my main project. I think the oneshots are a nice way to end off too, because there is less pressure on them. The story is done now, I can write and post the oneshots whenever I feel like it, but readers will always have a complete story to go back to.

Unexpected Things

Everything about this series was unexpected (even if most of the plot was pretty scripted), but some things still amuse me. As I got deeper into this universe, I was surprised at the amount of people who were concerned I would kill characters or end things angstily.

I remember when I announced I would be writing a Civil War inspired fic, many people were concerned that Steve and Tony would fight like they did in the movie. It didn't even occur to me to reassure people that this wouldn't happen, because it seemed so impossible to me.

To me it was obvious that I had fixed so many things already in this universe. It seemed so straightforward to me that certain things simply could not happen. (Of course, it would always seem obvious to the author.)

I think people were a lot more nervous for my Civil War story than I intended them to be.

And then, when we got to Endgame, people surprised me by hoping I wouldn't do the Snap at all. It had not occurred to me that people would hope that. I felt the Snap needed to happen. If it didn't happen, then we couldn't see any of the other painful things be fixed.

Then, people surprised me again because they were very worried that I would kill Tony and Natasha. I had basically spent the last two years writing a 500,000 word mcu fix-it series. I wasn't about to kill Tony and Natasha at the end.

Still, I am very good at pulling on angsty heartstrings, so I can see why people were concerned.

(That is another thing I did not expect, the amount of people who told my I made them cry with my writing. It touches me every time it happens.)

Take Away

If you made it to the end of this long post, congratulations!

What will I take away from this amazing experience? Well, first off, not to be intimidated by long story ideas. I probably wouldn't have written this if I had conceived how long it would be. Lucky for us, I dived head-first into this, and just kept swimming.

Another thing that I think is important, is you don't have to be a super experienced writer to write big things. I had written nothing even close to this when I started. And my writing improved a lot during this journey.

I think looking at the finished product it is easy to think that I am just naturally an awesome author, but two years ago that wouldn't have been the case. Don't be intimidated by the finished products of authors. That is the culmination of hours of work, and it does not mean you can't do the same thing if you feel a similarly insistent plot-bunny.

Finally, I would like to thank all my readers! If you've been around since I first started posting, then that is 94 weeks (plus whatever Alternative Options turns out to be) of reading a chapter a week from me! That is amazing!

If you joined later along the ride, that is just as awesome! Thank you for plunging into such a long series!

If you have any questions or want to chat with me about plot choices I made, or my thoughts behind certain scenes—or anything really—feel free!

I hope you enjoyed! :D

Tl;dr:

I never planned to write any of the stories after Alternatively, until about halfway through posting the preceding stories. Plot bunnies are really insistent, and I had stuff planned in the background anyways, so I had to share it. By the time I was about halfway through The Alternate Handler I had accepted that I was going to write two more stories in the universe.

It was a lot of work, and I had never written anything anywhere close to this giant project. It was a lot of fun though, and I'm glad I did it.

#fanfic #fanfiction #the alternative timeline #the alternate timeline #Alternatively #the alternate handler #an alternate approach #the alternate end #writing #writer #writers #long post #alternative options

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endless-vall · 4 years ago

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I can’t lose you again - part I - Nostalgia - Dakota x MC fanfic

Summary: Alex returns to Edenbrooks after years of not being there. Everything has changes but stayed exactly the same. She can’t help but seeing Dakota everywhere she goes.

Authors note: After talking with @blue-sappir I finally decided to write & post this fic. It’s definitely bittersweet. Read at your own risk 😊

This fic will have two more parts. You can read the next part here.

Hope you enjoy!

Alex stood in front of the entrance to Edenbrook.

She hadn’t been there in years.

Well, she’d visited a couple of times when her mother still worked there, but it’s been a few years since she last stepped foot inside that hospital.

Alex had finished her Oncology fellowship in a different hospital when Edenbrook rang and offered her a job.

All the other benefits they suggested paled in comparison to the memory of Dakota. Of course she was going to take the job there.

Today was her first day. Alex have lived a full life, following every dream she had, making every desicion worth-while, never daring to leave anything to wonder ‘What if?’.

And it’s been a great journey. She had fallen in love a few times. None ever like the other. But her first love, Dakota, will always hold a dear place in her heart.

Edenbrook brought Alex her first grand love story. Maybe it’ll be the place to bring her her second one. The one that’ll she finally settle with.

Taking a deep breath, Alex stepped in. She was met with a familiar face, although she did look older now.

“Harper Emery. We spoke on the phone. You must be Alex?” Harper extended her hand.

“In the flesh.” Alex smiled and shook Harper’s hand.

“Welcome aboard.”

Alex spent her day getting to know the hospital all over again. So much had changed, but there were still many things that remained the same.

She got to know her new patients, her interns, her residants, and everybody on her floor.

Speaking on her floor... Alex passed, for the first time that day, near the room that used to belong to Dakota.

She stopped in her tracks, a familiar feeling washing over her.

‘Hey, teach,’ She could see him now, so clearly, standing next to the hospital room door in his hospital gown with his dorky smile and starstruck eyes.

Alex was about to take a step towards him. Towards Dakota, her Dakota,

When the patient’s room door swung open and a nurse got out of it. Neither her or the patient resembled Dakota, and Alex shook her head in confusion.

Was she just day-dreaming now?

She hadn’t thought of Dakota in a long time, not in that way, but being back in Edenbrook must’ve had it’s affect on her.

The day progressed, and Alex immersed herself in her work, trying to ignore all the memories washing over her.

Dakota in the cafeteria, enjoying a delicious chocolate pudding cup in the far away table where they first confessed their love for each other.

Dakota in the ER, as the kid who’s filming his friend with a video camera trying to lift his spirits after staying in for so long.

And Dakota... As the patient she loses, shutting off his monitors to give the family some quiet time to say their goodbyes as he breathes his final breath.

Alex gets back to her apartment after a long shift.

She opens a chat she hasn’t opened in some time.

‘Hey guys’ - Alex

‘Yooo how was your first day on the new job???’ - Mateo

‘Probably not so good, considering she’s writing us at midnight after her first day back in Edenbrook.’ - Lennox

‘Oh,’ - Mateo

‘I just really miss him today 😔’ - Alex

‘It’s Dakota-missing-hours for me too. Ever since you told us you were taking that job at Edenbrook I couldn’t stop but thinking about him.’ - Mateo

‘Mateo! Why didn’t you tell us?’ - Alex

‘Because he’s a dork. You both are.’ - Lennox

‘Is it bad-missing-Dakota-hours or good ones?’ - Lennox

‘Both’ - Mateo

‘Both’ - Alex

After that, a video call popped up into Alex’s screen. She quickly answered, seeing a semi-blurry picture of Lennox, and Mateo, each in their own separate screen.

“I don’t usually do this, but c’mon. Let’s talk.” Lennox starts, and the rest of the night passes... Okay.

Alex feels okay again.

“Thanks, you guys,”

The next few weeks fly by. She hasn’t thought of Dakota since that first day.

Well, not more than the occasional thought.

“Excuse me?” An unfamilar voice shakes Alex out of her line of thought.

“Huh?” She looks up from a chart she has been reading and meets a handsome stranger. “Sorry, what did you say?” She sends an apologetic smile at him.

“I said ‘Hi, I’m Dr. Flores, and I’m a surgeon here. I don’t think I’ve seen you around, Dr...” He looks down at her name tag.

“Woods.” They both say together, and Alex gets a little flustered, chuckling along with the friendly surgeon.

“I’m new. Well, kind of.” She notes.

“Well, you should definitely come to Donahue’s after your shift’s over. Everybody will be there.” He winked at her. She heard about that bar. Most of the hospital doctor hung out there after-hours.

“Ahh... I’m not so sure. I haven’t really hitted things off with anyone. I don’t wanna sit around with my colleuges just ‘cause they have to and be bored to death.” She shrugged, trying to get back to her chart but Dr. Flores caught her eye. He had that glint in his eyes, that same one that made her stomach flutter. She couldn’t tear her gaze away just yet.

“Well, I’ll be there. And I’m pretty good at not boring people to death, I’ve been told.”

“Oh, you have?” She raises an eyebrow in an amused tone.

“Yeah! You should ask around. So you’re coming?” He has a confident smile, but a hopeful gaze underneath.

“I’ll think about it.” She promises, and just at that moment he’s getting paged. He shoots her a knowing look before dissapearing into an unknown direction.

Alex looks back to her chart. She couldn’t supress the smile blooming into her lips. She hadn’t felt that flutter in her stomach in a while.

She’d dated since Dakota.

She had a boyfriend in her last year of collage, and most of through medical-school.

And while you shouldn’t compare one love to another... None compared to Dakota.

She always told herself it was because he was her first love, and such a big part of her life.

But Dr. Flores... He reminded her of Dakota. Not in appearance though, but in his dorky-but-confidnet approach and warm personality.

He might break through Alex’s tough exterior.

‘He’s not more good-looking than me, is he though?’ Alex turns around.

She can swear she see’s Dakota there. But just as soon as she sees him, he’s gone.

She must be imagining things, since it’s her 20th hour of the shift, right?

That must be it, she tells herself.

Shaking her head, she finally closes the chart and goes to meet her most recent patient.

She does go to Donahue’s that evening, but decides against going inside last minute. She goes home instead.

It’s the first time in her life she lets herself wonder ‘What if...?’.

But it’s not a ‘What if I went in and chatted with Dr. Flores’.

It’s a ‘What if Dakota was still alive...? What would her life look like?’.

It’s a warm but melancholy feeling. And she can’t shake it off.

After that, she sees him everywhere.

It’s not glimpses anymore. Not quick glances at the cafeteria. Not patients that somewhat resemble him.

No.

It’s her Dakota.

Watching over her, like he promised.

Until one day...

“Dr. Woods! Dr. Woods!” She hears a voice calling. Her whole world is blurry and hazed.

She blinks a couple of times, trying to focus.

Finally, she gets a clearer view.

Is she... Lying on the floor? Dr. Delarosa is bending next to her, checking her vitals.

“Help is on the way. Stay with me Dr. Woods!”

She wakes up in a hospital bed.

Mateo and Lennox are standing next to her bed. They weren’t around in the last few months, but with her mother gone, they were the next thing to a family she had.

“You really gave us a scare back there.” Mateo joked when Alex finally opened her eyes.

He was standing right next to her bed, giving her that concerned look of his, and taking one of her hands in his.

“They said you’re going to be fine. That you probably worked yourself too hard but some rest and fluids should do the trick.” Lennox explained. She took Alex’s other hand in hers, but rolled her eyes as if she wasn’t worried too.

Alex saw someone else in her room, too.

Dakota was in the back of the room, leaning on a drawer next to the window.

Alex looked at the figure. He looked just as real as Mateo or Lennox.

“Didn’t they... find anything else? Something out of the ordinary?” Alex asked, a realization downing on her.

Lennox and Mateo exchnaged a puzzled look. “No...?” Lennox raised an eyebrow at her.

“They ran a full check-up. You’re in perfect health.” Mateo added. “According to what the nurse said... Unless you have something specific in mind?”

“Remember when I said I saw Dakota everywhere I went that first night I got to Edenbrook?”

“Yeah?” They both answered in the same time.

“Well, maybe I’ve been seeing him around a lot. Like... Not in the ‘I miss him and immerse myself in memories of him’ way.” Alex admitted.

It’s the first time she admitted it to herself, too.

“In what way then?” Lennox asked in an upset tone, her features growing into a frown.

The three of them probably already know the answer. But just like Alex has been taught in her training to become a doctor. You can’t give vauge answers to your patients. And definitely shouldn’t give vauge answers to your doctors.

You have to say it out loud. So they can process it. Know it’s real.

“I’m... Seeing Dakota right now. He’s over there.” Alex gulps, and points behind them.

Mateo and Lennox both turn around.

Dakota has a sad smile while he waves at them. When Mateo and Lennox both look back towards Alex, it’s clear they can’t see him.

“I’ll go get the doctor.” Mateo’s smile breaks for the first time. He rushes out of the door.

Lennox stays put in place. Frozen, even.

So Alex looks back at Dakota.

She smiles at him, despite herself.

“Hi... Alex.”

#playchoices #playchoices fanfiction #with every heartbeat #dakota winchester #dakota x mc #weh #vip book #fanfic #my writing #hurt #comfort #hurt & comfort #i can't lose you again

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kerikaaria · 4 years ago

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If I Never Met You: Chapter 14

(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader

Genre: (PG13) Light angst, but mostly super fluffy

WC: 3.4k

Warnings: None

Series Masterlist

Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15

Two weeks. Two weeks had passed since our debut was revoked from us and we still hadn’t managed to work something out. June 13th was now only one month away and if we didn’t get them back on track very soon we’d have to start canceling everything we scheduled. Unfortunately, there was no way we could keep it from the boys any longer.

The boys had definitely noticed that there was a shift in me and Sejin – that we were busier than we were even before, and we seemed tense. I had dodged the questions up until this point, which was definitely made much easier by the fact that the only chance they had to see me was back at home in the evening periodically. I had spent the whole two weeks running myself ragged, ending up even more exhausted than I was when I first started this job and was still balancing school with it.

It hurt us so much to do it, but there was no more avoiding it. We decided to tell them after we moved to our new apartments, since they were so excited about it. We didn’t want their happiness over the change to be soiled by negative news. So the day after the move, exactly one month before their debut had been planned for, we gathered them all in the dance studio after their day of lessons were done to tell them the news.

“We have something really important to tell you guys,” I started off. I was trying my best to keep my composure, but I found it hard to say anything after that. “We…” I tried. I took in a deep breath and started again. “Two weeks ago, I…” I couldn’t bring myself to crush these boys’ dreams. I looked at Sejin oppa who nodded and placed his hand on my shoulder to silently tell me he’d deliver the information for me.

“About two weeks ago, we received a call from the company who said they’d run your debut stage,” Sejin explained as I slowly lowered down to the floor because I couldn’t keep myself steady on my feet. “I think you’ve noticed that the two of us have been busier than ever recently, and there’s definitely a reason for that.” He paused, probably to collect himself as well. It was just as hard for him as it was for me.

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Namjoon took the initiative to ask. “Did something happen?”

I hugged my knees close to my chest.

“Unfortunately, yes,” Sejin responded. “We were hoping that we could fix it quickly and you wouldn’t need to know it ever happened, but we haven’t been able to despite all of our efforts so far.”

At this point, the expressions on each of the boys’ faces were already too painful for me to look at, so I hid my face behind my knees, knowing that I couldn’t take seeing them when Sejin got around to the news.

“They told us they could no longer debut you guys,” Sejin finally said. “They confirmed that everything was set and ready to go, but then turned around and told us they can’t do it anymore.”

There was silence for a long moment. “So, we’re not going to debut?” Jungkook choked out, his voice weak.

That was it. The tears started flowing.

“I’m not saying that,” Sejin responded. “We’re doing everything we can to get you guys back on track. But, at this point we’re not sure if we can keep the June 13th date. We want to, but I don’t know if it’s possible.”

“But we’re going to be filming our first music video in a few days,” Hoseok said.

“All your current schedules are still happening,” Sejin said. “We’re still continuing with everything because we’re doing our best to put you guys back on track as soon as we can.”

I felt someone wrapping their arms around my shoulders, but didn’t want to look to see who because I didn’t want them to see my tears.

“You’ve been working really hard, haven’t you?” Seokjin said right next to me.

“We’ve been doing everything we can,” I said, trying to sound as stable as possible. “We didn’t want to worry you guys. I can’t believe we’re having to tell you about this. I should have been able to fix this.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, (Y/n),” Jin said, running his hand along my back to try to comfort me. “We know you’re doing your best. Nothing is your fault.”

I finally lifted my head, quickly wiping at my cheeks to brush the tears away. I looked around to see that everyone’s heads were lowered and they all look defeated. This news to them was pretty much the same thing as crushing their dreams. They were so close, their journey they’ve been working toward for so long was about to finally start, and then it was taken away from them.

I gripped onto Jin’s arms which were still wrapped around me and settled my head back into his shoulder. “I’m going to fix this.” I said, my voice weaker than I wanted it to be. “I don’t care what I need to do to make it happen, but I’m going to get you guys debuted on June 13th. Whatever it takes.”

“Don’t run yourself dry, noona,” Jimin said, sliding over to where me and Jin sat on the floor and placing a hand on my knee. He tried offering me a smile, but it was strained. “We’ve already seen how hard you’ve been working these past few weeks, and I don’t know how much more of it you can take.”

“I’m not giving up,” I said. “Neither of us are. I’m not going to stop trying until I get you guys a debut date again.” I straightened myself and looked at Sejin who nodded to confirm he’s with me.

Sejin and I made sure that all their lessons for the following day were canceled, and excused members still in school from their classes as well so they could take a day to themselves. Our new homes were still within walking distance, so after we finished our conversation I walked back with all of the boys. I did my best to show some affection to each of them on the way, feeling terrible for the news we had to deliver tonight.

When we made it to our homes, I said good night and went to unlock my door. But I was stopped in my tracks by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around my shoulders from behind. I looked up to see Jin standing behind me.

“Don’t beat yourself up over what happened, (Y/n),” he almost whispered, resting his chin on top of my head. “It’s not your fault.”

“Don’t worry, Jin,” I responded. “I’m fine.”

“Are you really, though?” he asked, a little louder. Jin knew me well, so he knew that I tended to take responsibility for things, and take things to heart more than I probably should.

I looked up at him and offered him a smile. “I am. Don’t worry about me.”

“Um, noona?” a nervous Jungkook started, making me realize that none of them had entered their dorm yet.

“What is it, Kookie?” I asked as I left Jin’s comforting embrace and walked toward him.

“Could you maybe, um…” he paused, seeming to have trouble forming his thoughts into words. “Could you sleep over today?”

I tilted my head in curiosity. “I only live right across the hall, and I’d end up sleeping on the floor if I stayed with you guys anyway,” I responded.

“I think what he means is we don’t want you to feel alone right now,” Hobi explained. “You and hyung been working hard, keeping this to yourselves for a while. But we want to be here for you.”

“And we’d really enjoy your company,” Namjoon added. “You know, since it’s been a while since we’ve actually been able to spend time with you. It might not be much, but it’s something at least.”

I smiled softly. “Alright. Let me go wash up and get changed into some more comfortable clothes and I’ll be right over.”

They left the door unlocked for me, and when I made it into their dorm I found a scene that was very busy. They were rearranging furniture and collecting blankets and pillows and tossing them into the living room, among other things.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“We’re preparing for a sleepover,” Taehyung said with an armful of blankets.

“I’m not quite sure I understand,” I said, trying to figure out what exactly they were doing.

“Well, we thought we could all sleep out here together,” Jimin said smiling.

“Oh,” I vocalized, finally understanding the scene in front of me. “But the floor is a bit uncomfortable, don’t you think?”

“We were going to bring a few mattresses out,” Jin added.

“Why are you guys doing this?” I asked. “Not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but I can just sleep out here and you guys can sleep in your beds.”

“Is it uncomfortable for you, noona?” Hoseok asked, stopping in front of me. “We can stop and put everything back if it is.”

“Oh, I didn’t think about that,” Jungkook said. “It might be a bit awkward for you to sleep next to us, huh?”

Tae and Jimin seemed to simultaneously come to the realization of what they had suggested to me, their eyes going wide while everyone paused their actions.

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, noona!” Namjoon said. “We didn’t think about that!”

I laughed. “No, no it’s not that. I mean we’re not shy with being touchy with each other so I don’t see much difference. It’s perfectly okay for me. I just thought this is an awful lot of trouble for one night.”

They all resumed their preparations at my reassurance, starting to bring mattresses out to the cleared area.

“It’s no trouble at all,” Yoongi said, slightly smiling.

I tried asking if I could help but they all told me to just wait in the kitchen, so I did. After they finished arranging the makeshift bed setup, Seokjin walked over to me.

“All set,” he smiled. “I don’t know about you, but we’re all exhausted.”

“Yeah, I am too,” I responded. Today had been another day of nonstop running around, not to mention the emotional weight added from our conversation tonight.

“Alright, let’s figure out how we’re arranging ourselves here,” Namjoon said, seeming to think of where on the ‘bed’ he wanted to sleep.

Yoongi was the first to pick his spot, opting for one at the edge of the mattresses. I guessed he wanted the least amount of contact with the others as possible, which didn’t surprise me.

“Noona, pick your spot,” Tae said, coming over to grab my arm and pull me towards the rest of them.

“I mean, it doesn’t really matter, does it?” I chuckled. I decided to make myself comfortable right in the middle. After I sat down, Jin was quick to take the spot on my right.

Taehyung went to lay on my other side, but Jin shooed him away. “Yah, no way Taehyung. You’re not sleeping next to her.”

Taetae pouted. “Why do you get to but I can’t, hyung?”

“Because you will cuddle with whoever is next to you,” Jin replied. “I know she’s alright with being cuddly, but when we’re sleeping it’s a bit different, don’t you think?”

“That’s not fair,” Tae continued to whine.

While he was distracted, Jungkook took the opportunity to slide next to me.

“That was my spot, Jungkook!” Taehyung complained.

“No it’s not,” Kookie argued. “Hyung said you can’t sleep here.” He stuck his tongue out at Taehyung.

“Why does it matter who lays next to her?” Yoongi asked from his spot.

“Because it’s noona,” Jimin responded simply.

“Just pick a spot and go to sleep already,” Yoongi complained.

“Okay, fine. I’ll lie next to you then, hyung,” Taehyung replied.

“No way!” the elder of the two said. “You are not using me as your pillow.”

Hobi had made himself comfortable next to Jungkook. “Just lay next to me, Tae,” he offered.

While I sat there laughing at the whole scene that just unfolded, everybody managed to find their spots for the night, and Namjoon shut off the lights before laying down.

We all said good night and lay in silence while trying to drift off to sleep. Despite being tired, I found it not so easy to do so.

The maknae lying next to me let out a sigh. “I wonder if we’ll still get to debut,” he quietly said.

“We will, Kook-ah,” Namjoon said from somewhere on the opposite side. “Noona and hyung will make sure we do.”

“We’ve already gotten this far,” Jin added. “There’s no reason we can’t.”

“But we were so close, only for it to be taken away from us,” Hoseok said.

I heard sniffles coming from somewhere.

“I don’t want to be separated from you guys,” Jimin said, his voice shaky. “I know I haven’t been here as long as the rest of you, but you guys are like my family. I don’t know what I’d do if I can’t debut with you.”

“I feel the same,” Tae responded. “I’m going to stay with all of you as long as I possibly can. We have to stay together.”

“There’s no way I can just go home after making it this far,” Yoongi said. “I can’t face my parents telling me they told me so, when our debut is literally right in front of us.”

“Don’t worry, hyung,” Namjoon said. “You won’t need to. The only thing you’ll be showing them that you can be successful by following your dreams.”

Hearing them all talk like this made me feel both determined to make them debut, but also pressured to not fail in doing so. I turned onto my right side, and could just barely manage to see Jin looking at me in the darkness. I could feel his gaze examining me, maybe trying to gauge how I was feeling.

“We have both (Y/n) and Sejin hyung standing by us. We don’t have anything to worry about,” Seokjin said. He paused while he placed a warm hand on my cheek. “But also, I don’t want you to carry too much weight on your shoulders, (Y/n). I know you must feel pressured because you feel like our fate is in your hands. I can’t understand how that must feel for you. But just remember that we’re supporting you just as much as you’re supporting us. And if things end up not working the way we wanted them to, it’s okay. No matter what, we still trust you and even if it isn’t what we hoped, we’ll be happy with whatever you and hyung can do for us.”

I felt a tear unexpectedly fall from his comforting words. I silently nodded so he’d know that I understood what he said. “Don’t worry,” I finally managed to say. “I’m doing everything I can for you guys. I love you all.”

“We love you too, noona,” Namjoon said.

“Alright, can we get some sleep now please?” Yoongi asked.

I chuckled. “Yeah, let’s sleep.”

The next morning, I heard muffled voices around me as I started to slowly wake up. I somehow managed to remember that I slept in the boys’ living room so I didn’t feel shocked that I heard others around me. But what did surprise me was that I could feel I was hugging something very warm and very comfortable.

I pried my eyes open to see a broad chest dangerously close to me, my arm wrapped around its owner’s waist and his around mine as well, pulling me close to him. I slowly looked up to see Seokjin’s sleeping face just above my head.

“Oh, you’re awake, noona?” Namjoon whispered, sounding like he was trying to keep himself from laughing.

I looked over to see the other 6 members all staring at me and Jin, some with their phones out, and all of them trying to hold back laughter. I felt my cheeks flush, suddenly very aware of the position I was in, and certain I was red as a tomato. I tried to pull myself away, but Jin’s grip on me was surprisingly strong. As I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, I accidentally woke him up.

Slowly opening his eyes, he quickly realized what was going on and quickly let go of me while rushing to sit up. Now that we were both awake, there was nothing stopping his other members from breaking out into laughter.

“Oh my gosh, you two were so cute!” Hoseok said.

“Are you sure your nicknames and flirting are all just joking around?” Jimin asked.

“Hyung, you told me I couldn’t sleep next to her because I’d cuddle her,” Taehyung tried his best to sound upset despite talking between fits of giggles. “But you ended up doing just that!”

“Yah!” Jin yelled in the middle of all the madness. “Give me your phones!” He got up and started chasing the others around the room. “You better not have taken any pictures!”

“Oh, don’t worry, hyung,” Yoongi said. “I didn’t take any pictures, but I definitely got a video out of it.”

“Yoongi!” Jin yelled.

“It’s my payback for that picture you took of me and Taehyung, noona!” Yoongi said while he ran away from his hyung.

I fell back onto the mattress, unable to contain my laughter at the chaotic scene and all my embarrassment forgotten.

After a little while, things calmed down in the room once again and the boys were all relaxing, either on the couch or sitting somewhere on the mattresses. I took the moment of reprieve to take a look at my own phone. On a normal day I would have started work by now, but Sejin was firm with insisting I didn’t work today. With how much we’d been exhausting ourselves recently, he said we needed today to refresh and be ready to work even harder for tomorrow.

Jimin sat next to me and pulled up the picture he captured this morning to show me. “Look at that, you look so comfortable and peaceful, noona. You two honestly look so cute together.”

“You’d better delete that,” I said, trying to sneakily snatch his phone but his reflexes were quick and he pulled it away from me.

“Nope!” he flashed me his normally sweet smile, that definitely felt mischievous more than anything right now.

I chucked and I lay my head on Jimin’s shoulder as he scrolled through the gallery in his phone. I saw him pass by a video still showing all seven of them in their practice room.

“Wait, Jimin, go back,” I said. “What was that video?”

“Oh that?” he responded. “We film ourselves when we practice so we can see what we need to work on. That was from a few days ago.”

“Can I watch it?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said as he pressed play and turned on the volume.

I watched the practice intently, admiring how amazing of dancers they really were. Jimin cringed a couple of times, criticizing his own movements, but I couldn’t see any flaws. They looked amazing to me.

When the video came to an end, I realized something. “Jimin, can you e-mail that to me?”

“Yeah, sure, noona,” he responded. “But why?”

“Because I just got a great idea,” I looked at him and smiled.

I thanked Jimin as I received the e-mail a few moments later and went to check on their social media. They’d gotten over 2,000 followers on twitter now, which I would say was pretty good considering the fact that they hadn’t debuted yet. I made sure to take a few screenshots showing how much interaction they got.

Our phones all received notifications almost simultaneously. I opened up the group chat to find the video Yoongi mentioned this morning being shared. The video showed me snuggling closer to Seokjin while we slept, soon followed by me waking up and realizing what was going on, up until when Jin woke up and started yelling at the others.

The video being shared reignited the laughter among the boys, except for Jin of course who was yelling at them.

Meanwhile, I was feeling embarrassed for my unconscious self, until a realization hit me. “Yah, Yoongi!” I suddenly yelled, making him jump and most of the boys look over in my direction. “Sejin is in this group chat!”

“Yeah, I know,” the perpetrator replied with a smirk.

Not two seconds later, my phone rang. “I’m going to get you back later.” I narrowed my eyes at Suga while I answered the call from oppa to try to explain the situation to him.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15

Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove

Send me a message or ask if you want tagged!

#BTS fanfic #BTS x reader #thebtswritersclub #If I Never Met You #IINMY #Manager!reader #Idol!au #jin #seokjin #suga #yoongi #j-hope #hoseok #rm #namjoon #jimin #v #taehyung #jungkook #fluff

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slasher-party · 4 years ago

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Leslie Vernon’s Secret 2021 Short Film: Wait For It

J: Calling all Leslie Vernonites! This info is MUST KNOW for all fans of the Glen Echo slasher! So even if you already know about this project, please consider reading & sharing so more fans can get excited about this! (This is a post I’ve been REALLY excited to make for a while, so I really hope you enjoy and spread the news!) Lace your boots up, kiddies; this is gonna be a looong post. I’m putting every step of my discovery path in here. That way you have access to all my sources:

We begin our journey on YouTube back in July. I was fooling around, watching some Leslie content, and was recommended Joebizz34's 1/6 Behind The Mask Leslie Vernon custom figure video (tip: bold words from this point forward are most likely links). I thought it was super cool! And it had about 1k views. A small plug! But I scrolled down into the comments... and spotted a familiar face.

‘Nathan?!’ I thought to myself. Was this his actual YouTube account? That singular like is my own, by the way. So odds are, Joebizz34 himself hasn’t even seen this comment (or doesn’t realize who this is). Step One: Investigating Nathan’s Channel A natural skeptic, I assumed this was a fan account and set out to prove myself wrong. (Here’s the link: Nathan Baesel) At the beginning of all of this, this was the main task I was attempting to accomplish.

Pulling up his page, there isn’t much to look at. Just a clip from an old movie and a short video of someone who clearly isn’t Nathan Baesel. He also only has a handful of followers, but that didn’t deter me and I decided to look deeper.

Popping over to his own subscriptions, another familiar face jumped out at me:

Ben Pace! Who you might recognize as the man who played Doug in Behind the Mask!

Double-checking this page as well, this is definitely his channel.

And Leslie/Nathan fangirls will find a particular little treat in this pinned video of his, Hello Jogger:

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Absolutely fantastic, the both of them.

So this is a good sign, but Ben doesn’t follow him back, and I couldn’t find any interaction between them with this account. So this isn’t definitive proof. Step Two: the 197 MPH Promo Going back to his channel, I checked out the first video he had up... with only 15 views on it.

Now, this guy I didn’t recognize. So I jumped in to see if I could figure out who it was, and low-and-behold, you’re looking at David J. Stieve, the writer of Behind the Mask. And that man in the back? In the stripes? Well, check out the video yourself and you’ll see:

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Now, there’s a lot to unpack here. Keep in mind - I was just trying to figure out whether or not this was Nathan’s actual YouTube channel for fun. Now I’m going nuts cause there’s apparently some short-film set in the Behind the Mask universe that I haven’t heard about?! At this point, I can’t say for sure this is Nathan’s actual YouTube account, but I can definitely confirm that that is Nathan in the video, and this main guy is David Stieve, the writer of Behind the Mask. (Also, can I just say, I live for Nathan’s sass? He’s just the best, guys.) But my goal had changed. Now I needed to find out what this Wait for It project was all about. Step Three: Discovering Wait for It I jumped on over to IMDB and there it is: Wait for It (2021)

Check out that unnamed boy. That’s right, folks. You’re looking at a secret Behind the Mask project. (That little bit of trivia that says they’re linked was actually added by me. Sorry for the bad wording - I tried to fix it but IMDB wouldn’t let me, so, what can I do.) Now, talk about being hard to find! Without my addition, there’s nothing that points to this having anything to do with Leslie. Even with Nathan & David’s involvement. I checked Twitter today, and there are only a few tweets (with the #WaitForIt tag) that refer to this project and not Hamilton. David hasn’t said anything about it, Nathan hasn’t said anything about it. That I saw. I did an advanced search but if I accidentally misspelled something and they have mentioned it, please let me know. From this tweet:

I was able to find the IndieGogo for the project:

Which was closed a long time ago, with only 36 backers, where B4TM got roughly 300. One can only assume it was an exposure issue, but it doesn’t seem like they really advertised it. However, I wasn’t a Vernonite back in 2017, so I can’t really say that for sure. The last update was from 2018, which stated that things were in motion for the project:

But then again, the last update on the B4TM Indiegogo is outdated, stating issue #6 is in production when I have it sitting on my desk right now. So who knows where this project lies. It could be even further along than the update suggests, and after all, the IMDB does say 2021. One last update I found poking around the official B4TM Facebook page:

Now, this is a little strange. You have the Behind the Mask crew here, and given the title of the page this is posted on, one would assume this “screening” is for Behind the Mask. But looking at the date, and the now-familiar-to-us posters on the table, that might not be the case.

So, does that mean this short film is finished and unreleased? Does that mean we see Taylor and crew in the film? Or are they there to support the creators? I’m leaning toward the latter. A streaming party was also an incentive for backing the Wait for It fundraiser. I’m lead to believe they premiered a rough-cut of the short film, and that’s what we’re looking at in this photo. That may also be where the technical data on IMDB is pulled from, but that rough cut isn’t available to us, and the finished project isn’t either. If it is I can’t find it, otherwise it’d be part of this post. I also did check the collector’s edition Blu-ray (which I’ve yet to get myself but I do want it for the incentive of extended/deleted scenes, the interviews, and the movie commentary), but Wait for It was not listed as part of the bonus features. Now, this interview has the most information about the project’s details out of everything out there I’ve seen so far. It’s an audio-only over the phone interview a horror channel did with David Stieve back in 2017.

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For details on what Wait for It is about, and how it fits into the Leslie universe, it would be better to listen to this interview than for me to write it all out.

Step Four: What now?

Well, I realized that I might have found something that maybe a lot of people don’t know about, but they should. So, I’m putting this together! While we can’t back the project monetarily anymore, we can support it, the creator, and the Leslie Universe by spreading as much awareness about it as possible. With that said, this is all the information I’ve found, with the links included. Poke around and see if you turn up anything else! And if this project is available somewhere, even as a rough cut (but so long as it’s posted legally), please do share! I love Leslie, I love Taylor, and I love what the Behind the Mask universe stands for. I love David Stieve’s mindset, and if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would immediately call him up and tell him any Leslie projects he had planned were now completely funded. I’m really just that passionate about this franchise.

Thank you so much for reading this! I hope you found out something new, or you at least now have a post with all the information about Wait for It gathered in one place. Like I mentioned at the beginning, please consider sharing so all the Vernonites know about it! As always, much love to all of you, and the Slasher community! XOXO, Mod Jess

#Leslie Vernon #Behind the Mask #Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon #Slashers #Horror #YES #I've finally put all of it in one place!!#I love this crew so so so much aaaaagh #It's Leslie's Time Now

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youarejesting · 5 years ago

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BTS Seoul mates: Ribbon Couple

[MASTERLIST]

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Summary: Jungkook hated leaving Korea, it made the strings pull taut on his finger, and he always feared it would snap. You had set out on a journey not wanting to sit still but follow the yarn where ever it would lead.

Jungkook had been to many countries. He stopped counting after 13. And no matter how hard he looked the only red string he ever saw was his own steadily stretching out from his wedding ring finger. It captivated his attention whenever he had a free moment. The only magic he had ever personally experienced was this shape shifting thread.

It would stretch when he would travel. And he would find himself entangled in it when he woke. It never retracted unless he retraced his steps otherwise it would continue growing. At every new city and town they visited as a band he searched for some trace that his soul mate had been there.

His biggest fear was one day running out of thread. That he would be on the stage and wouldn’t be able to move tangled up and the pull would become too much and it would snap leaving him alone in the middle of the stage, in the middle of his life. He was part of a group online of people with the same soulmate link, he remembered watching a video series of a girl traveling to find her soulmate.

She had been traveling since she was ten years old with her very supportive family. He had witnessed her laugh, cry and overcome so many things. He reached out and the two of you had become friends he even gave you tips on all the places you were visiting. Happy he could make your journey exciting and proud with his knowledge having been to ever place you visited. But while he traveled creating length to his fate cord, you traveled minimizing yours and it made him a little jealous.

He stepped onto the stage and sang Euphoria holding out his hand, imagining another hand wrapped in ribbons of red interlocking with his. The concert ended and he tried to relax watching your latest video. The last he had seen you had broken down on camera because your soulmate had traveled back to America and then London and then to Japan. You were exhausted heading to Saudi Arabia the last he heard and he gave a good recommendation on some food and places to visit.

He saw you smiling as you introduced the video and you began talking about taking a break from searching and having fun instead. “Hi guys, originally we were supposed to be staying the extra week tracking the thread in Saudi Arabia but instead we are boarding a plane to Seoul to see the final Speak yourself concert. My good friend Jeon Jungkook has helped me so much, leaving me supportive messages and well I want to support him. But also we know that Korea, is a frequently visited place for my soul mate and I have a theory they are from Korea and with Christmas coming up, I might be able to catch them when they are home for the holidays.”

Jungkook kept watching until he got a call, he answered curiously, seeing your smiling face, “Kookie, the wire got shorter, I know I am getting close” You cheered he smiled and congratulated you wishing you good luck whilst his thumb ran along the red twine. “Are you free? I know today was your last concert?”

“Uh yeah free until the twenty third when I have to go to japan for a fan meet” he smiled, fiddling with the red string pooled around the ground. “I saw your newest video that you were heading to our concert, did you make it?”

“uh yeah I am uh outside. Would it be too much of a hassle to see you? Or should I wait for another day?” Jungkook sat up his heart racing, he was going to meet his long-time friend and he was nervous. He told you to wait by a security guard and you did and a radio came through and the two guards looked at you and reported back one of them telling you in broken English that he would escort you to Jungkook.

Jungkook put his phone down, trying to flatten his messy hair and clean up his after concert sweaty make up mess. There was a knock and Namjoon opened the door nodding to the guard you walked in but you were filming staring at the ground the thread in your hands gently pulling it as you walked forward. Jungkook watched you frozen as he saw the entirety of the string between you both. He watched your small hands wrapped in the crimson twine and your hand slid up the rope your hand bumping into his as your head hit his chest. Jungkook wrapped his hand around yours and it felt better than any day dream the warmth that flooded his body. Shakily you looked up, and let out a choked sob and he pulled you too his chest, “We are soul mates” he grinned down at you.

You sobs grew as you slammed tiny fists against his chest. “You jerk, I traveled across the world to find you and you couldn’t just stay in one place.” There was a series of broken words that Jungkook suspected even you didn’t know what you were saying as you fell still against him your shoulders shaking a lot less. You sniffed and recoiled. “JK you smell like wet socks”

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rockrevoltmagazine · 4 years ago

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INTERVIEW: TODD MICHAEL HALL

RockRevolt Magazine: Lets talk about your debut solo album coming out in early May, Sonic Healing. I gave it a listen and fans of classic rock should be very excited for this record. There’s no questions bands that had a major influence on you such as Boston, Rush & Foreigner influenced the direction of this album. Sonic Healing could plug right into this era. Tell us how it all came together.

TODD MICHAEL HALL: I have wanted to do an old school rock album for quite a few years now. Something I talked with Joe at Rat Pack Records about. I knew Joe because he negotiated with my band Riot and the last Riot album almost got released on Rat Pack Records. At the time Joe asked if I might want to do a solo album. He was thinking something in the metal vain, I was thinking more old school rock. It didn’t end up going anywhere at the time. Then after being on The Voice, the song “Juke Box Hero,” which I did and I consider to be in the classic rock category. I don’t consider it hair metal like Blake Shelton did. Not sure why he jumped to hair metal, apparently when people hear me they think of hair metal. Anyway it was kind of hitting, it had like a million views on YouTube. So then I call up Joe and said I’m telling you I really want to do something in the classic rock vain. I have a bunch of songs written, can you hook me up with someone that can help me transform them into hard rock. The thing is when I write as a songwriter I write by myself. I play on acoustic guitar so what tends to come out is more singer/songwriter type stuff. He said I have this guy, and it happened to be Kurdt Vanderhoof from Metal Church. He said let me see if he’s interested. He talked to him and got back to me and said Kurdt loves classic rock, it’s a big influence on him also. He wants to talk. We got on a Zoom call and talked about what each of us had in mind. I told him I was looking for that riff oriented, melodic vocal, catchy chorus kind of stuff, feel good rock. He and I joke that we are both old enough to remember the KTEL commercial about freedom rock. With the hippie looking dude who says what’s that? The other guy is like that’s freedom rock. Well turn it up. (both of us laughing as I remember the commercial as well – classic). To this day Kurdt and I will be joking, turn it up dude. Kurdt’s a great guy, we just had a lot in common. Funny thing is I loaded up like 20 of my songs and suggested we just use some or all of it. He said it was great stuff and we can come back to that but why don’t we start with me just pouring out and writing some stuff and see what happens. Which was his polite way of saying Todd we’re not going to use your crap (joking). I get where is coming from. I never really experienced this before, he had to finish up something in Seattle and he got to his place in Southern CA and he called me and said I’m going to start writing now. A few days later he sent me five songs. Then he’s just sending like a song a day. I got another one then another. Over a period of like 21 days he sent me 18 songs that happened to be during the shutdown. I put total focus on it. I would walk around, listen to the songs and they were just singing to me. It was like he and I were having a battle. I would be like I just loaded one up to Dropbox and he would be like, yeah I’m loading up one tonight. Just back and forth. Literally these songs were written over the course of four weeks, last March into April. Then we did the final recordings not long after that. The album has been in the can since June it just took a long time to get all the promo material together with all the shutdowns. We really liked what he was doing and what we came up with. We just never got around to the songs I brought to him originally. It ended up being an all Kurdt and Todd thing.

How about the other parts on the album such as bass and drums? How did you handle that?

We recorded during the shutdown. Kurdt had his own home studio and I had the same thing. Kurdt basically played the bass and the drums on this as well, it’s all us. Of course for the video we wanted to have an entire band and the videographer, Jamie Brown, is the one that found people for us. The bass player is a fella named Drew Heart, he’s actually a singer from Las Vegas. He has a few different bands that he’s in. He’s also a singer on an album with Kurdt called Vanderhoof I think from the 90’s, he had some experience with Kurdt as well coincidentally. He’s not a bass player by trade but was in the video. It turns out he’s from Michigan and we got along really well. We have a lot of the same influences. It was fun to have him around, I would love to have him in a band, he would be great backup vocals. I’m not use to having singers in the bands I’m in. The drummer in video was a guy named Abel. It’s kind of a funny story. The “Overdrive” video was the second video we filmed. Day one we filmed a video for “Let Loose Tonight” and the drummer in that video is a different guy named Dustin and he wasn’t feeling well so the night before the second video Jamie called up Abel and asked if he could show up the next day and learn the song. He did an incredible job and really helped make the video great as he put on a great show.

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Do you plan on touring behind the record?

Kurdt and I both have a lot of excitement behind the album, we both say it’s something we’d buy. We are excited to present it live but the challenge is if there is enough demand. From my time on The Voice a lot of people in my hometown would like to see that. Then maybe book some other shows locally over the course of a weekend. I know Kurdt has some people in mind to play with us if we were going to do something. But right now we are not sure we’ll have to see as things open back up.

Do you think you and Kurdt will work together again?

I would love to and I believe he feels the same way. We’ll see what happens. I remember the first album I did with Riot V, it felt magical. Then the second album we did felt more like a labor. That’s what I wonder, this first album with Kurdt was magical, so I’m curious to see how it would happen the second time around. I would say I’m definitely down for doing something again. I very much enjoy this style of music. But before then I have to record vocals for the next Riot album.

Getting into your experience on The Voice how did that come about and then of course you worked with Blake Shelton how was that?

I had seen shows like that over the years and was always somewhat interested. Then my sister got an email and said I should try out as they were having an audition in Chicago. I figured what the heck. I think there was a couple thousand people there. After I was done they said come on back tomorrow. Of course I wasn’t prepared, no change of clothes, toothbrush or anything. So I drove 5 hours back home. Then I had to prepare, I never did karaoke or have any tracks prepared so I had to get that together. So I ended up getting the “Juke Box Hero” track and Judas Priest “Another Thing Coming,” I think I did Bryan Adams “Someone Like You” and Journey “Don’t Stop Believing.” I did all but the Bryan Adams song the next day for them. It was a weird experience. Then I got a call back for a blind audition and when you are doing those you’re still in a group of 80+ people so you don’t know for sure. But I did get my shot. For me you sometimes fantasize, I wonder what could happen. But for me I didn’t think I would win or have a career in music only and not have the day job. I was going more for fun and a great experience and it was. Experiencing television and music production at that level it’s hard to describe, it’s amazing. And the people associated with the show were very friendly, nice to the musicians. Not like you are best friends, once the show is over they move on and have a new group to work with so it’s not like Blake and I are buddies. But everyone is really nice. No intent to slag the show but you don’t spend much time with your coach. Your time with the coach is on camera so there’s not a lot of interaction. Even with the song selection it’s not something you talk to them about. You’re more dealing with producers on that. Hopefully I’m not bursting anyone’s bubble on that. I would say as far as disappointments from the show, this is very minor compared to the lessons I took away. I just had this fantasy that Blake and I would sit down, have a beer together and just have a half hour to discuss influences and what we wanted to do and that wasn’t a possibility. But he’s a busy guy so I understand that.

I bet most people do have that fantasy, I’ll get on The Voice and will sit around talking music and work a plan together. But the reality is they are there for filming and drawing the audience but beyond that there’s no interaction. But it was a cool experience?

Yeah definitely. And I think if I got further that would be more the case. Before my knockout round they had to prepare me for my next song, “More Than A Feeling” by Boston if I had been back for the knockout round. If I had been back I would have been performing for Blake with the band. But we were doing it via video chat. We did chat it up a little bit. I think if you’re Todd Tillman who won for Blake’s team you probably got a little more chat time with Blake. I imagine the further you get the more personal time you get. It was a great experience. And great exposure.

Did things change for your music career or was it more of a blip and you move on?

To some extent it is kind of a blip. But you do gain followers on social media that you didn’t have before the show. That helps. I think the pop culture is a bit fickle. You see over 4 million views on my “Juke Box Hero” video and you think if I come out with a new album in a similar style I should really be able to key into this because there are so many people that liked it. Doesn’t necessarily translate that way. But I think there is so much noise and inputs and some many distractions. So I think The Voice has a certain apparatus that allows you to get a lot of attention but most of those people are more The Voice fans than your fans.

You mentioned you are working on a new album with Riot V, how’s that going?

It’s going well. I think the COVID situation had potentially two different effects on bands. One is I have all this free time for music. On the other hand it’s oh man we can’t go out and tour to support this album so why bother. And with no deadline you can kind of slack a bit and that’s kind of where the Riot album has been. We’ve had the songs written but let 2020 get away from us. We are just on hold to release the album until we can tour behind it.

Anything else going on?

I reached a point last year that my business, I run a manufacturing company for restaurant equipment so that had an impact which was stressful. Even now that orders are starting to come back it’s still tough with lack of materials so there is a ton of stress. Not a whoa is me thing, it’s just that music is a passion thing I pursue in my free time so it’s difficult to say yes at this time. It’s hard to find time for anything. At this time I don’t see me taking on any other projects. I did have the question did any famous people want to work with you because of your time on The Voice but no that really hasn’t happened.

Have you met any of your idols? If so what was that experience like?

What’s weird for me if you meet someone in like a meet n greet line I don’t consider that really a meet. I think for me getting to meet someone is to meet them as a fellow musician. That is much more along the lines of what you are asking. When I was on The Voice and I walk out and James Taylor is there, granted it was on film and we only had 10 minutes to sit and talk. To have someone like him throw a compliment your way feels pretty incredible. Also what is weird for me, for example Geoff Tate was incredibly influential to me in my younger days. There is a part of me, a little boy that still craves Geoff Tate to say hey Todd good job. I actually met him, my brother Rick had a record store and Queensryche did an in store for Operation Mindcrime. I met Geoff and I gave him a copy of my Harlot CD we produced in 1988. I told him he was a huge influence on me. Back then most independent bands like us didn’t have a CD so I figured that should impress him. Now that I’m in a band and people hand me CD’s often I get it that he was a busy guy and why does he give two shits about me. But I had this fantasy that he would listen to that and write me a note saying good job. Obviously that didn’t happen. To this day if I get approached like this, I’m not saying I’m a great person or anything like that, I’m sure I don’t get as much as Geoff Tate does but I make it a point to give it a little listen and find a way to compliment it. First of all if it’s not my taste they still went through the trouble to write and produce the song and I know how much goes into that. Getting back to it I still have this fantasy of bumping into Geoff as a fellow musician and we could talk and get to know each other. At the same time who knows maybe we have completely different views and maybe we wouldn’t get along. Sometimes you hear stories about people in general. At this point I’d say the closest I had with that was touring with Primal Fear, Ralf Scheepers is an incredible singer I had bought an album of his back in the 90’s that I really liked. It was interesting and cool to meet him. I got to know him really well and that to me is a little more along the lines of what you are talking about, a unique experience. As well as the experience with Kurdt. But in general when we are playing these festivals and Judas Priest is headlining, they have their own little dressing room and pathway. And they have people to make sure you don’t walk in there. I haven’t had much experience with the big dogs.

We all have this perception that you are all hanging out backstage but that’s obviously not that way it is.

Some of them will hang out in the normal food tent and they are around and if you are brave enough you can walk up and bug them. For me that’s not quite the same. I remember the drummer from Judas Priest was in there and our drummer is like I want to get a picture with him and he was cool but there’s a part of me that’s like you just interrupted him, you’re not really meeting them. I tend to be like I don’t want to annoy someone. Although I did with Michael Sweet and Biff Byford from Saxon and Jeff Scott Soto. So I have done that but I don’t post it to social media for me it’s more of a private thing. More of a personal memory.

Top five albums everyone should own?

Oh man that is so tough. I really loved Malice and Warrior. There was a band called The Front I really loved. But I would say if you are in the hard rock genre it would be tough not to say an Iron Maiden album like Piece of Mind, that’s a classic. Certainly in the Riot catalog you could throw Fire Down Under, not because I’m in Riot but I feel it’s a great album. I think for me it would be hard not to put Holy Diver from Dio in there. He was so incredible. I would say something by Queensryche, Operation Mindcrime.

I wish you nothing but success on the release of your first solo record. As I mentioned for a classic rock fan this is an album you should check it. Any final words?

Thanks for helping spread the word. Anyone that gives me any type of attention or shot I appreciate it. This is a passion thing and I’ve got so much joy from music over the years and just want to return the favor and bring some joy to others.

Connect with Todd Michael Hall(click icons):

INTERVIEW: TODD MICHAEL HALL was originally published on RockRevolt Mag

#Blake Shelton #Kurdt Vanderhoof #Metal Church #Riot V #Sonic Healing #The Voice #Todd Michael Hall

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shemakesmusic-uk · 4 years ago

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HARD FEELINGS, the new collaborative project of Hot Chip's Joe Goddard and Amy Douglas, have signed to Domino and unveiled their debut outing 'Holding On Too Long' which is teamed with a Katie Paul-directed video. Douglas says of their debut single, "'Holding On Too Long' is the common denominator of the entire musical union of Amy and Joe. In this "opera of sad bangers" here is its key aria, its "Un Bel Di" from Madame Butterfly or the "Mad Scene" from Lucia Di Lammermour, the unforgettable moment of the story wherein our heroine stands up defiantly and has her moment to wail, scream and cry her pain and fury centre stage to the world." HARD FEELINGS was formed after Goddard reached out to Douglas on Twitter after hearing her work, and simply asking: "Amy, can we make a thing?" [via Line Of Best Fit]

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After recently announcing her debut album Flaw Flower is due June 25 via Illegal Data, London-based musician Harriet Zoe Pittard, aka Zoee, is sharing another slice of her multi-faceted art-pop sounds with her new single'Host'. Speaking about the track, Zoee said "‘Host’ describes the disconcertingly replicant-like nature of a once starry-eyed lover who becomes increasingly detached. The video is inspired by The Twilight Zone and was shot on location in a forest close to where I grew up in Berkshire."

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Nashville-based songwriter Madi Diaz releases 'Nervous,' a new single about recognizing unhealthy coping mechanisms. The song’s frank lyrics are bellied by infectious guitar and Diaz’s buoyant voice: “I know why I lie to myself // I’m not really looking to get healthy // I have so many perspectives I’m losing perspective I make me nervous.” The accompanying video was shot in Nashville and directed by Jordan Bellamy. It was inspired by and includes an homage to the final scene of Andrei Tarkovsky's film The Stalker, a film that has always resonated with Diaz through its otherworldly nature, as well as its thoughtful and often anxiety inducing pace. “You know when you hold a mirror up to a mirror and you get an infinite amount of reflections from every angle? That’s what ‘Nervous’ is about,” says Diaz. “It’s when you’re in a loop of looking at yourself from every vantage point until you’re caught up in your own tangled web of bullshit. It’s about catching yourself acting out your crazy and you’re finally self-aware enough to see it, but you’re still out of your body enough and curious enough to watch yourself do it.”

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Buzzy duo XVOTO have announced that their eagerly-awaited debut EP will be arriving on June 4 on One Two Many. Sharing new single ‘Friends’ alongside the news, Jazz Alonso explains that the track is rooted in “the people who have irreversibly changed you and then having to pretend you’re unphased by them when you’re in the same room. Meanwhile you’re trying to work out what your new boundaries are: can you talk about the past? Can you cry together? Can you show how much pain you’re in around them? ‘If you fish me, I’ll play dead’ means: if you make a move, I’ll pretend I’m dead inside and don’t want you back.” Accompanied by a new vid, Jazz adds, “For this video I always imagined an aquarium because of the fish lyrics and because I think looking at fish in a tank is a really nice symbol of looking back at a relationship: you’ll always have your take on it and feel you have control over that narrative cause it’s a memory, but the reality is that truth is fluid and moves. You’re not looking at an image, you’re looking at something that’s alive. Then the scenes of us getting tattooed on our backs are symbols for something beautiful that scars you - you might move on from something but it’ll still inform the way you move forward. In the video there’s some cheating, some reminiscing, some beauty and some pain.” [via DIY]

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Ashe has released new cut 'Me Without You' as the latest singe off her debut album Ashlyn. It comes teamed with a Jason Lester-directed video. Ashe says of the new single, "'Me Without You' is my follow up to 'Moral Of The Story'. It's saying you thought that I needed you to be who I am. There is my past relationship...I had multiple people... You know, assumed that I needed them in my life to feel confident or to be me and "Me Without You" is just this record that's like, ‘Ooh, I am so good on my own'." [via Line Of Best Fit]

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Mia Nicolai is a true internationalist. Born in Amsterdam to a Russian mother, she learned from a young age to move between languages and cultures, accepting them as equal. This all fuels her future-pop vision, a trans-genre approach laden with colour, one that picks from multiple sources. New single 'People Pleaser' is a surging, coherent, ultra-potent offering, a song that dwells on identity, and the processes by which it is defined. "This song is about the journey towards finding yourself," she explains. "It can be very difficult to be true to your inner values when all you do is please the people around you instead of your inner needs. I’ve always come across as a strong-minded person. But in reality, I’m capable of helping everyone BUT myself. At some point I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin that I couldn’t even breathe properly..." We're able to share the dazzling new video, directed by Isabelle Griffioen and produced by That’s What She Set. A surreal but completely engaging experience, it embodies everything Mia Nicolai sets out to do - put people on the back foot, and alert them to her presence. [via Clash]

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Singer-songwriter Gracie Abrams has shared her poignant new single 'Mess It Up' and its accompanying video via Interscope Records. Directed by Matty Peacock, the video for 'Mess It Up' finds Abrams attempting to bake a cake and repeatedly dropping the gorgeously frosted final product on the ground. That bittersweet back-and-forth between determination and disappointment is a perfect match for Abrams’s incisive lyrics, which simultaneously convey a deep longing for forgiveness and an unshakable sense of frustration. Produced by and co-written with her frequent collaborator Blake Slatkin, the track’s stark guitar work and driving rhythms slowly take on a powerful momentum, ultimately building to a sweetly triumphant climax. [via Vacancy]

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Vocalist and guitarist Maya Delilah shares the visuals for her new single 'Need A Word With Cupid'. The track unravels into a punchy number that gives you a hit of both dopamine and female empowerment. Written about realising your worth after a relationship breakup, Maya’s lyrics are little witty statements that we can all use to remind ourselves who the hell we are. “Last Tuesday morning I just realised you’re shit” – it’s the truth. The video sees her waiting in cupid’s reception ready to get her money back because, damn, this boy was not worth her energy. At. All. 'Need A Word With Cupid' is a brilliant narrative that’s not only relatable but also incredibly good. Brimming with smooth guitar tones and a catchy beat, this is a single that leaves you wanting so much more. A self-love anthem for the modern woman, 'Need A Word With Cupid' is an indie-pop bop. Maya says: “'Need A Word With Cupid' was written after my breakup when I felt a sudden hit of empowerment after the realisation that my ex was not worth another tear over. It’s an energetic and uplifting song with soul influences and of course a guitar solo to end.“ [via LOCK]

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With her debut EP Digital Meadow arriving on May 28, Dora Jar is sharing the video for her single ‘Multiply’. “I am my truest form when I am changing shape, morphing sounds, and shifting my point of view,” she says of the forthcoming EP. “This project is an exploration of my impulse to shape-shift. That’s my ambition.” [via DIY]

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Telenova's new-arriving single 'Tranquilize' makes it two-from-two for the band, deeper solidifying their rich blend of sounds while showing how it can move into further areas, taking on new energies - or emphasising other energies - as more songs come to light. 'Tranquillize', for example, has a heavier weighting on that live instrumentation, giving the song this more alt-pop-meets-R&B spin when combined with Angeline's brilliant-as-ever vocals. As she explains, the single was the first for Telenova, written on the day they began working with one another. "I was actually flicking through a thesaurus and the word ‘Tranquilize’ jumped out at me, it just rang so nicely on the tongue and was so inherently visceral," she says. "I was humming gibberish over the hypnotic Rhodes chords that Josh had laid down, and we heard what sounded like ‘Poseidon’s on the water’ - it was the first time in a writing session with Ed and Josh, and the first time I’d been in a writing session where a poetic, literary lyric idea like that wasn’t shunned and coined as ‘unrelatable’. It resonated. We followed the thread, playing into Siren mythology as a metaphor for falling in love - the power of attraction to transfix and tranquillize you." The single also arrives with an official video clip, directed by Angeline - solidifying her multi-talented craft. "I wanted to capture the world of the song in a Lynchian-inspired dreamscape - starry-eyed and a little unhinged - but like, David Lynch meets Gucci," she says. [via Pilerats]

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International superstar P!nk has more than two decades of experience topping the global pop charts, and she is here to continue her reign with the new single 'All I Know So Far'. 'All I Know So Far' was produced by pop mastermind Greg Kurstin and co-written with the songwriting duo Benj Pasek & Justin Paul. The single comes off of her upcoming album All I Know So Far: Setlist, due out on RCA Records on May 21. The accompanying video for 'All I Know So Far' tells Pink’s life story with help from Cher, Judith Light, and Carey Hart. The visuals, directed by longtime collaborator Dave Meyers, also features an appearance from her daughter Willow. The new album will feature live recordings from her 2019 'Beautiful Trauma World Tour' along with a recording of her highly-buzzed MTV Video Vanguard Award acceptance speech. P!nk’s daughter Willow will also make an appearance on the album with the song 'Cover Me in Sunshine', which the singer previously shared back in February. [via Consequence]

#videos of the week #hard feelings #zoee #madi diaz #xvoto #ashe #mia nicolai #gracie abrams #maya delilah #dora jar #telenova #p!nk

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allywrites360 · 5 years ago

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Treasure Planet Analysis

I recently watched this video talking about some of the visual storytelling evident in this movie, and thought I’d rewatch it a little more closely, and add some of my own thoughts!!

So firstly, there are two really prominent examples of this type of storytelling with Jim (who’s going to be the main subject of this post; he is the protagonist after all, huh?). The first is his wardrobe itself, starting out made of entirely dark colours, and the second being the shadow between his eyes which is animated at key points during the movie.

At the outset of Treasure Planet, the shadow is shown constantly, for the first fifteen minutes at least before the slightest change. This symbolizes the shadow of pain that was left when Jim’s father abandoned him (oh, and spoilers for the movie in this, obviously).

The first minor change in this shadow is the moment when Jim’s passion is ignited in something for the first time in a long time; the prospect of travelling to Treasure Planet, which Jim hopes will allow him to prove he’s worth something to his mother (a doubt that’s created by him entirely), and have a real shot at something other than resigning himself to a rebel. This spark of hope lightens the shadow for the end of that scene. This might also be a good time to mention that the shadow could be symbolic for self doubt as well. This one may be not as clear to see because of the difference in lighting, but you’ll notice if you rewatch the movie carefully.

Jim then opens up a bit, starting to let go of his past hurt as he warms up to Silver, him acting as the new father figure in Jim’s life. This is shown not through the shadow, as Jim still hasn’t fully let go of his past, or fully bonded with Silver at this time, but through the change of his clothes into a much lighter, more natural tone.

Directly following the above scene id the first time the shadow makes its’ disappearance from Jim’s face; the moment when Silver takes Jim with him on a boat ride, a parallel to the way Jim’s father left him behind. Silver, however, waits for Jim to jump in, and proceeds to bond with him by teaching him sailing (is it called sailing?).

The black coat and shadow return, however, as Jim’s guilt casts it upon him at being blamed for a crew member’s death after being accused of failing to properly fasten his line. The coat here serves to act as an emotional barrier that Jim has used since the outset of the movie as he’s moved to sit alone on the edge of the ship.

The shadow disappears later in this scene, however, as Silver encourages him, and eases his guilt. He tells Jim that he believes there is greatness in him, and hopes that one day he can “catch some of the light that’s comin’ off [Jim] that day.” the day in question being when Jim finally achieves the greatness Silver knows him to be capable of. This introduces the light and greatness motif, which continues throughout the rest of this film, showing they go hand in hand, and once Jim is able to finally step fully into the light, he’ll be able to be free of his past, and reach his full potential.

The coat remains, however, until the next morning, when, with some encouragement, he leaves it behind. This may seem just a little gag to show Jim with morph, and it could be, but it could also demonstrate that change isn't instant, depending on how deeply you want to read in to individual scenes.

The shadow comes back once again when Jim’s trust in Silver is broken, and when he’s hurt by the older man, in this scene, it’s in the form of his lamenting to his pirates that he never cared for Jim, and was merely trying to keep him off their backs. This brings back the feeling of betrayal Jim felt when his father left, as the man he cared for and trusted portrayed the fact Jim meant nothing to him. Again, brief scene, and this was the best shot I could get.

The coat notably does not make a reappearance after this scene, nor for the rest of the movie, showing that despite the hurt Jim experiences here, he has grown as a character, and is more confident in himself than he was at the start. This change remains, and is not undone, even by Silver’s selfish actions.

The shadow finally leaves a few moments later, when Jim is entrusted the map by the captain. This gives him purpose, and a goal, which allows him to move past his hurt and do what’s right, which he knows will ultimately help others. This also shows his character has grown, as he moves past his pain to take on the responsibility without hesitation.

The shadow’s returns for the remainder of the film are nearly exclusively when he is reunited with Silver, or at the very least related to him in some way. All of this ties back to the light motif I mentioned earlier, as when Jim is given encouragement by his friends (captain, doctor, Ben, etc.), he is able to step up confidently, and take on responsibilities, reaching more to his full potential. This is contrasted by Silver’s presence, the man destroying that self esteem and bringing feelings from Jim’s past up despite personal growth.

Later in the film when Jim leaves his hideout on Treasure Planet with Ben, he quite literally steps into the light to help the others (in this scene, namely to retrieve the map from the Legacy to stop Silver from reaching the treasure and harming his friends). This shows that Jim’s selfless nature will eventually be his greatest strength (and already prominently is), and will be the thing to lead him to ‘greatness’.

When the shadow is missing, in scenes such as this, Jim’s face also seems to be overall more relaxed; brow less furrowed as he lets go of the past, and stops the aspects of the shadow (such as self-doubt) that he had been casting himself.

Jim’s gun flying away during the fight scene on the ship is also symbolic of his growth; his freedom moving just beyond his grasp (as he’s dragged down by memories through Silver), but him finding a way to keep fighting and continue triumphing anyway (as shown through the inconsistent shadow).

Silver’s influence on Jim (at the moment negative, as it is directly tied to the visual element of the inclusion of the shadow), is shown vividly through the scene where Silver’s pirates restrain Jim and take the map to Treasure Planet. The shadow only appears when Jim glares at Silver, but lightens when he’s focusing on doing what’s right (fighting the pirates) rather than his hurt.

Jim assertively telling Silver that if he wants the map, he has to take him along also serves his character growth really well. He's standing firm in his own decisions, despite losing the approval of his father figure, finally becoming his own person outside of others’ expectations or notions of him, and making these decisions based on what’s right, rather than simply rebellion.

The light from the doorway to the treasure gently lightens the shadow, symbolizing Jim's belief that his pain will be dissipated by gaining the treasure, and that he will gain his mother’s pride (which was already present) as well. This is a falsehood that Silver must face as well, both accepting that the treasure was meaningless overall, and would not give them what they wanted.

This recognition is clear to the audience well before it is to the characters, which is achieved subconsciously through the scene where, while all of the pirates are gazing towards the treasure, Jim looks back at Ben and morph, his friends meaning more than the treasure he’d searched for.

The next piece of symbolism is my personal favourite from the film; Jim falling while they are with the treasure. He works to pull himself back up, but needs that final pull from someone who cares about him (Silver). This symbolizes Jim trying to move past his father’s abandonment, and step into the person he’s grown to become. But he can't do it on his own, to fully make the leap, he needs the support of a father like figure, who in this case, is Silver, choosing Jim’s life over the treasure.

The shadow, which was likely present throughout and after this scene (there were few clear frames of his face, but let’s assume it was) darkens again at Jim’s realization that Silver may leave him, which comes when the captain comments about him being put to trial. This brings up strongly his final moments with his father; this may not seem like much now, as it is a very brief scene, but it strengthens the conclusion of his time with Silver, which we’ll get to in a minute.

The shadow then disappears once and for all as Jim relies on his strengths, both internal (selflessness), and external (knowledge of mechanics), to build a solar surfer to allow him to save his friends and their ship from being destroyed. This shows him finally reaching that confidence in himself and his abilities that Jim has sought after his entire journey, and, as a result of this, he is not negatively influenced when he interacts with Silver in the form of the pirate helping him with the construction of the solar surfer. He has, at this point, nearly completed his arc, and moved past his insecurities.

Jim then falls again, in a similar way to the previous time near the treasure, however this time, he is able to keep a level head, and manages to save himself. This symbolizes more than anything his character growth, able to rely on himself to help others. He’s finally achieved that light and greatness Silver told him was inside all along. This ability to stop his fall, and confidence as a whole, is due in no small part to Silver helping him earlier in the film. He needed someone who believed in him to push him to become the fullest version of himself, and recognize the greatness he was capable of.

The solar surfer was introduced at the onset of the film, when we were reintroduced to Jim as a teenager. The source of rebellion at the start is now a means he uses to help others, and once he’s safely back on the ship, he lets it go. He’s no longer using it as a means of escapism; his friends now mean more than that did, and he literally lets his past go for them without regret, as his developed character no long has to rely on those methods of rebelling.

This time, when Jim sees Silver preparing to leave, he’s confident enough in himself, and the connection they shared to let him go without memories of the past tearing him down, and visually, without the shadow returning. He lets Silver go, because his self worth no longer lies on the approval of a mentor, but rather on who he is.

Silver also notably turns to wave to Jim as he sails off, for the first time making himself, and this event, entirely separate from his father in Jim’s mind, showing the contrast between the means of support in these figures.

The light and greatness motif comes back in their goodbye, when Silver tells Jim he’s “glowing like a solar fire.”, showing the growth he’s seen in Jim, and, unlike the first time he said something similar to this, Jim genuinely believes him. Not just in a temporary comfort naive way; Jim believe that Silver is speaking the truth, and that confidence pushes him to take a shot at a future he never believed he could have.

This motif makes one final appearance at the conclusion of the film, when he is shown wearing all white, yet another lighter change in his wardrobe in this film. This demonstrates his freedom from any burdens of the past as he finally accepts and learns to love who he truly is, and take daring shots to reach his potential, the one his mother had seen in him since ten beginning. His character arc is now complete, and he can live happily ever after.

#dinsey #disney analysis #film analysis #film review #Disney movie review #treasure planet

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channelmono · 5 years ago

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I dunno if I have a lot to say, but I figured that give how many people follow me, I wanna share some tips on preserving mental health during these chaotic times

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have noticed my last story QA, which was a bit of a survey just to see how some of you lovely monitors are feeling, because I know the world in general has been stressed lately for obvious reasons. The elephant in the room is that we as individuals are all walking a tightrope of staying up-to-date about the future and how to maintain our physical health while also trying to preserve a sense of productivity and activity to sustain our mental health, the latter of which I’m noticing being especially strenuous for many of you, likely because this prolonged period of uncertainty and anxiety is highly unfamiliar. I want to disclaim right away: I am not a doctor, I am not a psychologist trained in extensive therapy who knows how to guide each and every one of you to your healthiest behaviors. However, I still wish to still help you with some advice. I do wish to see you as my friends, and as my friends, I want to ensure that you are happy and healthy. I already have a history of self-isolation, and without getting too in-depth of the exact details, this involuntarily hermit-like lifestyle we’re all being encouraged to ascribe to has been my way of living for the past several years (the involuntary-ness included). I’ve become much more acclimated to not just being alone, but stuck in a place of residence with little directive or seeming control of my own future, with a long history of trying to discern of not just what to do with my life in general, but just getting through the day-to-day. I want to discuss that day-to-day, because the month(s) away we have from returning to a normal world again is still comprised of many, many days, and if I can’t come up with a surefire long-term plan for how to deal with a future we are all in unfamiliar territory of dealing with, I can at least suggest a few low-cost stepping stones to helping you take in each day a lot easier, and hopefully help lift a bit of the collective burden over however long we may be like this. 1) DON'T LET YOURSELF GIVE UP. I feel like this is a bit of an obvious tip that might come across as “are you feeling sad? Just be happy!”, but hear me out. One of the biggest sources of human (or human-equivalent) stress is the feeling that one has no control over their life. The period where I fussed incredibly hard about the fate of my future as I was first condemned was one of the darkest, most exhausting parts of my life, as were all the times I had done before. It wasn’t merely that I was so ashamed of my failures, but it was the fact that I’d constantly and semi-consciously associate it with my entire being, to the point where I couldn’t make a casual joke in a non-depressed context that didn’t end with a side remark of how I wanted to die (now that I explained it without context… yikes.) Eventually, there was a eureka moment for me where I had enough of being tired. I’m not sure exactly what triggered it -- perhaps it was just dealing with the banality of the isolation, perhaps it was just me thinking more about how I mentally hurt myself and what I could do to stop, perhaps it was me simply deciding to find professional psychological help for it -- but whatever the case, I realized that even if the world could do bad things to me, I wanted to stop doing things that would hurt myself, as not only was being good to myself the least that I could do, but it also helped me forge a modicum of very real power for my self-esteem, giving that first boost to kickstart my life again (in part by starting this channel and making new online friends!) This wasn’t a solution to get rid of all my outside problems, but rather a means to help accept that things would be tough, but I could still live with them. Challenges will need to be faced, and there will be failures because that’s how life can be sometimes, but it also helped me better comprehend that there will also be victories, because that’s ALSO how life can be sometimes! I can’t say for sure how each and every one of you will be able to help yourself realize that negativity, hopelessness, and cynicism are not the only means to approach an uncertain and stressful future. Perhaps you already realized it! Perhaps you were in the process of realizing it but the articulation of my journey may give some guidance. Perhaps you still need some more time and thought to think about it. But whichever way, I implore you to consider that this future is not solely one to be defeated by, but one which you can fight to be happy in… and win. 2) GIVE YOURSELF A DAILY RHYTHM. One of the biggest things I see people complaining about is how without their usual daily schedule with work or school, their mental acuity is going haywire and it’s difficult to get things done. There are many reasons for why our brains are reacting to the situation the way they do: a bunch of collective trauma surrounding the pandemic putting our brains on edge for what to expect next, stress making us unable to register complex tasks, our inner survival instinct diverting away our ability to think about personal minutiae, etc. The human brain is a fickle thing doing its best to cope with the trauma it’s presented with, and first and foremost, it’s important to be patient with yourself. Going back to the “how to take on the day-to-day”, let’s talk about schedules. The truth is that many of us crave at least a mild semblance of structure and compartmentalization, and a big factor for why our minds are getting sloggy is because we’ve lost the ones we followed, mostly ones imposed onto us by our professions, and were wholly unprepared to figure out a compensation plan (as many of you students learning via Zoom conferences are aware). The practical trick I have to help remedy this is a pretty basic-on-paper one: seek out your own schedule. Speaking from my own experience, the daily grind into this miasma of a future becomes less cumbersome once you intuit what you actually define as “the daily grind”. This is not to say you need to become a rigid, Clock King-esque fanatic who plans every action by the minute, as simply understanding what you do and what you WANT to do will be of help. For me, I schedule my alarm clock to go off at 8:30. Every day I get up and make coffee or tea along with breakfast for myself and The Master. My current daily priorities are messy janitorial duties and Animal Crossing, while my personal hobbies that I’d reserve to my free time include filming content, playing video games, watching movies or Youtube, cooking, or going outside to jog. Every week or so, I go out for groceries. I do my best to go to bed and sleep before midnight. Of course, this is just MY schedule, but this is how rudimentary it can get while still giving me a sense of fulfillment when I do pass the time as I do accomplish my tasks. There are many ways to go about it, but really, one of the simplest ways to recognize them in your life is just write it out. Actually articulate it into just a really simple list that you have to transfer from mind onto paper/digital text. This is especially recommended if additional tasks or changes to your life occurs: write it down so you can remember everything! And allow yourself to do it! This is not to say you should be worrying constantly about how productive you are, as the goal is not to define yourself by how much you accomplish per day, but rather a way to give yourself that sorely needed daily rhythm we all miss, while allowing you to reward yourself when you hit your goals. And like every plan, it doesn’t need to be flawless -- there will be times where we need to relax and take a break. There might be emergencies to deal with. There may be times where things are so overwhelming where it’s like “Yknow what? I don’t wanna do anything today.” And that’s okay. On a related note: Something I’d like to place importance on with my schedule is my sleep. As someone who has experienced long periods of miserable exhaustion in my life, I cannot overstate just how important and cathartic a good, consistent sleep schedule is. I’m not joking: the night when I stopped being “insomniac” by going to bed tired but staying on my phone up until 2 AM, and instead actually went to bed at 11-ish, I woke up feeling the best I had in years. Exhaustion no longer felt like a necessary, expected burden. I felt legitimately well-rested, and discovering that I could freely feel things that weren’t depression was almost epiphanic (if that’s a word lol). I know that going to sleep and waking up on a consistent time of day might sound chore-like to many of you night owls, and there may be other concerns at play like actual insomnia, but I implore you to at least consider giving yourself a consistent nightly rhythm as well as your daily one. Being exhausted is an easy way to get stuck in your own head, and if you’re thinking dark thoughts and lack the energy to force yourself out, you can be in trouble. Don’t underdo or overdo it that you still feel like crap when you wake up. Be honest to yourself. Good sleep can be incredibly rewarding in ways that you might not even believe until you experience it for yourself.

#channel mono #no signal studio #mental health #quarantine #quarantine life

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dkettchen · 5 years ago

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Today we’re having our first Ally Book Club! This fortnight we watched Disclosure (2020), the new documentary about trans representation in Hollywood starring Laverne Cox, among many others.

I’ll ask you all to focus primarily on the black trans representation discussed (and other links between how trans/gender diverse people as well as black people were othered since the dawn of cinema f.e.) rather than the trans aspects primarily, as we are focused on black lives matter and anti-racism at the moment. (And also cause I’m trans and nonbinary and I had a lot of feelings abt that whole aspect of it and this is not the place to discuss that (this is for allyship only and I will not be an educator about my own stuff today), I already made a post about that if any fellow nonbinaries would like to go vent about it over there lol) However if you are cis and would also like to share some trans stuff you learnt, you are welcome to ;)

This post is a space to share what you learnt from the media we watch, stuff it’s made you think about, and any progress you feel you’ve made in your own personal allyship journey following it.

It is meant to be a positive space for allies to support each other in their learning, so trolling, harassment, hate/discriminatory behaviour (related to our subject’s group(s) or otherwise) or shaming will not be tolerated. (Read: I am not afraid to ban anyone from my blog who doesn’t follow these rules) This doesn’t mean you can’t discuss the demons and biases you’re fighting with on this journey, it merely means ‘don’t be a dick about it.’ I know it’s the internet, but there’s other ppl with feelings and deserving of empathy behind those screennames and this is an exercise in empathy to begin with, so be a decent human being, please. (This also goes for the defenders of the innocent out there, there’s two sides to any argument gotten out of hand.) We’re here to encourage and learn, not to argue and alienate.

I’ll go first!

The thing with documentaries (and video essays (I would know lol)) is they love to present themselves as factual and unbiased, when, really, anything is biased always. And in a society where they’re usually made by the people with privilege/the majority, it’s always the same status quo POV and we stop questionning it at some point, until a documentary made by disadvantaged/minority voices comes along and scews it in a new direction that we’re not used to.

Because I was paying Extra Attention to the black representation, and because I work in several London trans spaces, I noticed the disparity between numbers of black trans folks I saw on screen vs the ones I know irl (not as many as there were in this doc), and like- my numbers might be scewed by my own experience too, ya know, I prolly know less trans POC than a trans POC would, just like I prolly know more nonbinaries than a trans binary would (also idk what differences in ethnicity groups’ percentages there are between the US & UK population in the first place). But because the documentary presented itself as talking about representation in media at large, I was expecting a similar lack of black voices that I know happens irl in a lot of the world and that I know happens in media, and like- they talked about the lack of representation, but at the same time, they made sure to HAVE representation in their actual film.

I already think way too much about representation in media in general, but basically there’s a few different schools of thought on how you can approach it in any given media:

-you can represent reality by representing the percentages of different groups among the population, so f.e. in this case you would try and match the percentage of POC and binaries/nonbinaries in the real life trans community to represent it (the BFI’s current diversity goals follow this principle f.e.). In practice though, this tends to lend itself to tokenism and ultimately minorities still end up with less or lesser-quality rep than the majorities, because we are minorities.

-alternatively you can represent reality by the clusters that happen irl. People of a given minority group tend to flock together so if you have one of them it’s highly likely that there’ll be more of the same group in their immediate social circle, so representing a bunch of them together makes sense and accurately represents reality.

The issue my brain ran into here was that I was expecting the former and it ended up being the latter. Representing the way trans people are portrayed in Hollywood would’ve implied the population overview approach, but Laverne (as one of the producers) and the bunch, instead of kind of- rehashing the depressing statistical reality of how little rep trans people of colour get, they focused on their own experience as trans people of colour, and how they experience representation, whether it’s black rep or otherwise. They left out a lot of white trans rep that is around, because it’s not much different from the examples they used (you can have an argument about also leaving out a lot of what little nonbinary and other genderqueer rep we have in the process, and the unexplored stereotypes associated with that rather than trans binaries, as well as the generational thing where The Youth today prolly would pick different examples of media that impacted them, but still). It is very interesting and refreshing to see a format that is usually very white-cishet-normatively scewed instead being scewed toward the experience of a middle-aged black trans woman. (wow I didn’t know she was in her 40s, I thought she was like a good 10 years younger, good on you Laverne (@cis ppl: yes, even me, who literally works with trans ppl can’t fucking tell what age anyone is, it’s like a 20 year gap of a guess usually x’D))

Please write your own thoughts & stuff you learnt from the doc in the replies! (note: you don’t all have to write half an essay like this lol) Be nice to one another, my banning hammer and I will check in on the responses later :P

Last post <<<>>> Next post

The next piece of media we’ll watch is the first season (or as many episodes you can manage, but we’ll suppose the whole first season so spoiler alert! :)) of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, a fun cartoon show with an all-POC (and mostly black) main cast (characters as well as their voice actors)!

#ally book club #Disclosure (2020)#Laverne Cox #black lives matter #trans #(update: added a header image!)

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juju-on-that-yeet · 5 years ago

Text

Silenced

Prompt: Whumptober Day 28, Beaten

Summary: CJ is filming alone when he's approached by a group and asked for directions. Things take an awful turn once they realize, to their disgust, that CJ is mute.

Warnings: Bullying, violence, ableism, ableist language including r-slur

Tagging: @peribloke @tired-eldritchhorror (ask to be tagged!)

Read on AO3 (Full Whumptober Series)

Enjoy!

It’s a fun, peaceful afternoon at first.

Cameraman Jim convinced Reporter Jim to use the day to report a “human interest” story; that is, something pleasant and sweet as opposed to something creepy or complicated. RJ didn’t want to at first (“Those are boring, CJ! The people want ghosts!!”), but eventually relented and even seemed to be having a good time. The pair went to a park to film the joggers and the dogs being walked, but mostly to report on the new patch of flowers near the center of the space. By the time the Jims actually got there, having been constantly distracted by dogs and people and squirrels (“Do you think they know Squirrel Jim?”), RJ had needed to double back for a bathroom, leaving CJ to start filming and photographing the flowers alone.

CJ doesn’t mind filming alone. It’s a bit nice to get absorbed in his subject and take in the scenery. He catches sight of a bumblebee flitting among the blossoms and begins following it with his camera, filming the little creature as it collects pollen from the brightest flowers. CJ does his best not to scare the bee away; keeping the camera a reasonable distance away and relying on zooming in the lenses to get a good shot. He didn’t bring the huge news camera that necessitates a tripod, only his smaller video camera, kept around his neck with a strap. It’s easy to follow the bee around film its journey until it flies away into the blue sky.

“Bye!” CJ can’t help signing to it as it goes.

“Hey!” someone suddenly asks.

CJ jumps a little, startled, and turns to look at who spoke. It’s a man with what appear to be a couple friends. They look a little rough around the edges, with stained jackets and face tattoos and unkempt stubble, but CJ’s never been one to judge. He tilts his head questioningly.

“What’s the way to the bike shop from here?” the man who got CJ’s attention asks.

CJ pauses. He knows roughly where it is; he remembers seeing it on the way into the park, and he remembers where he and RJ entered, so he can direct them accordingly. Except…there’s a pretty good chance they don’t know sign. Most humans CJ encounters don’t. Still, he doesn’t want to be rude, so he lets his camera hang loose around his neck as he responds.

“Do you know sign?” he asks, mouthing the words as the signs them. All three men get incredulous looks on their faces.

“What the hell?” asks the man to the right, with longer hair than the other two.

“What are you doing with your hands?” asks the man to the left, who’s wearing an old beanie.

CJ cringes, halting his hands. He doesn’t run into people like this very often, but usually he has RJ with him as support when he does. He doesn’t know when he’ll be back, but it might take him a while.

“I can’t talk,” CJ mouths, nervously twiddling his fingers. A moment later, his face lights up with an idea. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, opens up the notepad app, and starts typing the directions out. The sooner he gives these guys directions the sooner they’ll leave.

“Don’t deaf people talk sometimes?” the first man scoffs, “Can’t you just talk instead of typing?”

“I’m not deaf,” CJ mouths, cheeks starting to turn red, “I just can’t talk.” He starts typing faster.

“Fucking speak up, weirdo,” growls the man in a beanie. CJ ducks his head further into his phone.

“He said he ain’t deaf,” says the long-haired man, “He’s…he’s a mute, I think? That’s what they’re called, right?”

“Oh, so he’s retarded, then,” the first man says, as though he’s cracked some mystery.

CJ’s throat burns with a held-back sob. Tears prick the corners of his eyes. He puts his phone away and turns to leave. He’ll catch up with RJ later, but he can’t stay around these people another moment longer.

“Hey, where the fuck are you going!?” yells the first man. “You were gonna give us directions!”

“Aww, I think we hurt the freak’s feelings,” laughs the long-haired man.

“Nah, he’s probably not smart enough to have his feelings hurt,” the man with the beanie says, “Wonder what he’s doing out unsupervised? Don’t these people normally have handlers?”

CJ walks faster, but to his horror, the group starts to follow him.

“Turn around, freak! Just give us the fucking directions!!”

“You sure he ain’t deaf? He’s sure acting like he can’t hear us.”

“Nah, he can hear us, he’s just being difficult.”

“Hey…maybe we ought to teach him a lesson.”

“Not a bad idea.”

“Hey, wait up, retard, we’re talking about you!”

Jims are quick by nature, but the men are too close, and CJ doesn’t have enough of a head start. He doesn’t know which one grabs the back of his shirt and pulls him back, he doesn’t know which one grabs his arm to keep him still, but he knows it’s the first man, the one who started this whole thing, who pulls CJ’s camera from around his neck and raises it over his head. CJ pales and shakes his head furiously. Not my camera, please, not my camera!

“Aw, it’s trying to communicate,” laughs the man with the beanie, digging his nails into CJ’s arm and making him yelp.

“Hey, did you hear that??” asks the long-haired man, “It can make noise after all!”

“Alright then,” says the first man, still holding CJ’s camera over his head, “Just tell us to stop and leave you alone, then. If you do, we’ll be on our way. That’s all you have to do, freak.”

And CJ tries, he tries. He’s capable of speech, he knows how to talk, but his voice rarely wants to come out. He can only ever talk when things are calm, when he feels perfectly happy and secure, when he’s with someone he trusts deeply. He can’t talk now, he can’t talk like this. But he tries, he tries to force a word out, tries to say no or stop or please but anxiety and fear tighten his throat and his larynx stays still.

The first man shrugs, lowering CJ’s camera.

“Well, we gave you the chance.”

CJ expects the man to throw his camera down and break it against the pavement path. He’s blindsided when the man raises his arms again and hits him in the face with his own camera, snapping his head to the side and making him bite his tongue. It might have cracked a tooth, it certainly bruised his cheek, and blood fills his mouth from his tongue.

After that, they shove him down to kick him, and CJ loses track of blows. The sobs he tried to hold back before come out in full force, and the kicks make him gasp and scream in pain. Somehow no other people in the park happen to pass by, or they do but just don’t care. CJ doesn’t know; he keeps his eyes closed and his face covered to protect from blows. But he still catches a kick to the face that makes pain explode in his right eye. They mock him every time he yelps and screams, and eventually pause to laugh at him as he lays on the ground, struggling to get up.

“You fucking liar!” the man in the beanie cackles, “You can make plenty of noise!”

“He’s retarded, remember?” the long-haired man says, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye. “He can screech like a fucking banshee but he still can’t talk.”

“Please, please, please,” CJ begs, mouthing and signing, over and over.

“God, enough with the stupid hand shit!” snarls the first man, suddenly angry. “Guys, hold him down and gimme his hand, I got an idea.”

CJ’s eyes widen and he tries to scramble away, but his body is in too much pain for him to go anywhere fast. The other two men grab him and subdue him quickly, with one straddling his legs and forcing him onto his stomach and the other holding his left arm out along the ground, leaving his hand open and exposed. CJ keeps whimpering, mouthing pleas for them to stop, but none of them care. The first man laughs, then raises a foot. CJ looks away. The man stomps down on CJ’s delicate fingers.

CJ howls.

The man does it again, and CJ can hear bones crack under the thud of his foot hitting the ground. He does it a third time, and CJ almost passes out, his vision going white as pain blinds him. He manages to blink his vision back to normal in time to see the man raise his foot for the fourth time. But before he can bring his foot down –

“Get away from my brother!!”

The man lowers his foot and turns just in time for RJ’s heavy microphone to hit him square in the nose. He shouts in pain, covering his nose as he stumbles back. RJ runs up, swiping his microphone from the ground before anyone can react. Blood seeps through the man’s fingers.

“What the fuck!?” he yells, voice muffled by his hands, and also by his now-broken nose.

“Leave him alone!!” RJ screams in his face. His features are sharp with anger, eyes bright and glittering with rage. He channels every spooky night he’s ever spent in front of a ouija board trying to summon a demon, approaching the group with movements that are almost jerky, just a little too slow but a little too fast at the same time, like a tape being fast-forwarded and paused every other moment. It does its job in unnerving the group, especially when RJ lifts his microphone like he aims to throw it again.

“Alright, fine, fuck!” shouts the first man, still muffled, “This retard isn’t fucking worth it!”

He runs off down the path, and his friends release CJ to follow him just as quickly. Even with the men gone, CJ doesn’t get up, only continues laying on the ground with his arm outstretched, still weeping, trying not to look at his own crushed fingers.

“CJ,” gasps RJ. The unnatural changes fall away and even his anger dissipates, leaving horror and sadness. He almost immediately starts to cry as he scrambles down to CJ’s level. “CJ, oh CJ…”

CJ manages to sit up with help from RJ, gingerly holding his bad hand and resting it in his lap, biting his lip at the agony every tiny movement causes. RJ hugs CJ tight, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead, trying to comfort him even as he cries, too.

“It’s over, CJ, it’s okay, it’ll be okay,” RJ sobs. He uses one hand to pull his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll call BJ, he’ll get PJ and they’ll take us home.”

CJ just closes his eyes, squeezing out tears as he leans against RJ’s chest, weeping into his shoulder. He doesn’t tune into RJ’s conversation with Bim, but it’s barely a minute after the call ends when a telltale poof reaches his ears.

He lifts his head to see Bim running to him, panic sweeping his features, panic that turns to horror when he catches sight of CJ’s hand.

“Oh, Cam,” BJ gasps, crowding close. “You poor thing, poor little guy…”

Wilford approaches them slowly as Bim gathers both Jims into his arms to soothe them. When he speaks, his voice is missing its normal accent.

“Which way did those fellows go, exactly?” His eyes are bright pink.

“Not now, Wil,” Bim says, “Take them home first.”

“Alright, fine,” Wilford sighs, like he knows Bim is right. “But mark my words, they’re not getting away with this.”

After the group is poofed to the clinic, what follows for CJ is a flurry of examinations, of stabilizations, of soothing and shushing and stroking hair, of discussions about hand surgery, aftercare, prognosis. CJ listens to it all in a haze, leans into the comfort he’s given despite hardly feeling it. Eventually he stops crying and everyone’s relieved, though still a bit worried, because CJ won’t even talk to anyone with his good hand.

It’s not just CJ’s broken fingers that have left him silenced. It’s the things those men said and the words they called him, ringing through his mind and drowning out everything else.

#whumptober2019 #no.28 #markiplier jim #jim twins #markiplier fanfiction #markiplier #kristin says stuff #my writing #fanfic #this was hard to write #cj absolutely deserves none of this ;n;

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