#might delete later but right now I need to vent

[sweetestpopcorn]

I realise I have too much faith in humanity when after having spent two years now asking that REDACTED be kept off my spaces and comment sections I am STILL receiving redacted comments. At least one was to complain, though my dear, I don't care because I don't watch that sh:t and I am just counting the days until Renada dies and we can all move along with our lives happier, but another one was sharing their excitement that it will be better because of all the action and I am here like:

Question to redacted fans: Why can't you not bring it up in spaces where people directly ask you to not bring it up? Is it that hard? Is this a form of Tourette's?

Do I seem like the person who you should be rebloging and using the #redacted tag? Do I look like I like sh:t?

I feel like a major b:tch that I have to keep reminding people and once again I had to add a warning to my latest chapter.

Look me in the screen, do you see me rebloging any redacted images? Gifs? B:tch, I don't even reblog fanart with the redacted tag! I absolutely hate that joke of a show and the mockery the characters I loved in the books were turned into!

We have girlboss b:tch "I hate my kids and everyone who is not Alicia" Renada -> I cannot WAIT for this b:tch to die because BY THE GODS I have not seen a character be this unlikable since "Catherine" in the Spanish Princess. We have Limp D_ck Matt Damon. We have scholar diet Almond Milk. We have AU wtf if Jaehaera was given Helaena's life. And so much more.

You like it? Amazing, and I have great news, you will find SO MANY spaces online to gush about it. But in mine you won't.

[greghatecrimes]

spiritually banging my head against a wall. every time i start having respiratory/throat/chest symptoms from my mcas, I immediately flash back to all the times I've had anaphylaxis and get terrible anxiety. Survival mechanism, yes. But also... I am not having fun and I have not had full blown anaphylaxis since the early days of post mold exposure. so like. let's take a deep breath and calm down, body

[clovechicken]

I wish my birthday was 7 months earlier

[heroictoonz]

.

[thekenobee]

My mother: *is abusive*

Me: *loses my temper and snaps back at her*

My mother:why are you like that? Have I been unkind towards you?

[bambiraptorx]

sometimes i wish my brain had a fucking off switch

[irbcallmefynn]

feel like i needed to post this. might delete it later idk

vent art based on something i said to my sister on the way home from our mom's house

[cerbreus]

it’s been a hellish last couple months dealing with being caught in the crossfire between incompetent rental car agency that is mad at me and incompetent car insurance company that didn’t tell me the person handling my claim fucking QUIT and MY CLAIM WENT FORGOTTEN FOR MONTHS and it still isn’t resolved in fact things have gotten worse and tbh, when i have major stressful setbacks in life, my body and brains’ response is to just. not. do anything. just shut down. intense fatigue, inability to focus on literally anything because the background level of stress is so high.

[saline-coelacanth]

I hate driving so much it scares me so much this is why it took me so long to learn how to drive I wanna cry and I'm not even in the vehicle yet

[jaime-in-chaos]

Sometimes I feel happy and then there are times I want to fucking rip my head off.

[piospiderfangs]

I need to play games with someone.

I need to feel wanted, I want to stream art to my friends while they give me tips and attention so I can feel fullfilled.

I have needs, but no friend group I already have is able to full fill them(as far as I know), there's a few people who do so and they are barely online because they have actual lifes.

[charleezard]

This is mostly a vent so I might delete it later. Also like, this turned kind of dark and depressing so if you're not in the headspace, please skip this post entirely.

I look at my community, at all my Jewish friends, all the people I meet who are just visiting the country on vacation and want a synagogue to visit. I obviously have no idea how many Jewish people I've met. I also have no idea how many Jewish people any of you have met. I have no idea how someone can look at them and see some kind of ultimate evil being. Because every time I come online, that's how I see people talking about Jews. These horrible, evil, manipulating people. And I don't understand how. It is so opposite of everyone I've met. I try really hard to imagine them as evil, try to understand how others can see them this way. I just can't. I'm not saying there are no bad Jewish people, but in general that's just not who they are. They're people like any others. And most importantly they're people I deeply love.

I knew even before I started my conversion process that it wasn't going to be easy. I knew about antisemitism, I had done my research, and I knew that it would be even harder than I could ever expect. That still doesn't soften the pain. Don't think this makes me think about giving up. I know where I belong, I know where my heart and my soul are. I know that I love Judaism and the Jewish People more than I can ever express. And every time I'm just more sure, every time I love them more. It has been and will be an honor to live with them, to celebrate with them, to pray with them, to be a part of them if everything goes well. But more and more I think it would also be an honor to die with them, if it comes to it.

I am a pretty resilient and happy and cheerful person. I try to always be happy and make others happy. But sometimes it's hard. And right now it's hard.

I'm sorry if I'm being too depressing. But all of this suffering is depressing. I just needed somewhere to let this all out.

[hesitantvampirealien]

i need to make a one time exception to what i said about no longer venting because this is directly related to the content i post here.

i really need to talk about my feelings regarding the mcr fandom... i seriously need to talk about this right now, or I'll just explode and end up doing something worse that I might regret later.

and before you read it, i must make it clear that I'm not holding anything back and in some moments i will unavoidably come across as mean and rude, but none of it is directed to a specific person, i don't make ANY descriptions of any particular person or blog that annoyed me, everything is entirely "/nbh" and my thoughts might, and probably will change after i finally just put all of this weight off my shoulders. I just need to unbottle this for a second. Don't take any of it to heart, reinforcing that i just... really need this out of me

Probably i won't even remember saying any of this, or I'll just delete it

>> /nbh <<

i wanna start off by saying that this is (mostly) unrelated to the ticket occurrence so you stay fucking quiet because i know your unloved pedant ass was gonna bring this shit up as if it was the main reason why I'm saying all of this. And no, this is - probably for your disappointment - not a text saying the 4 of them are awful people who should die like you were most probably hoping it was

i admit that I've considered leaving the MCR fandom for a while. I'm trying to gaslight myself into staying because it's the thing that saved me and i want to show my love for it, and i know that if i left I wouldn't have anyone to talk to about it.

Do you know how fucking shitty it feels to feel like you're the only person that doesn't absolutely despise something... while in the middle of the fandom for this same thing??

And for a while i wanted to feel like it was a loving and caring community. But if i was to allow myself to not lie to myself for one second. It fucking sucks here. And i know it's probably because, truth be told, this website is just mass produced suicide but nobody gives a shit, i end up hating more than half of the interactions i have, i hate that most of the people i talk to feel like they can't express their real thoughts out of fear of idk fucking being ostracized over stupid shit, i hate that everything becomes a weapon to be used against you, i hate that i try hard to be loving and yet all i get is more and more fuel to hate people, all while i get told that if i hate people I'm evil and a loser.

And to be honest, i think it's quite cruel for you to lie to me and tell me that you'd want me alive when you make sure to make me feel like being alive is a fucking punishment and enjoying the thing that made me want to stay alive is immoral

so i don't fucking know, call me some fucking apologist because I'm not out here saying G should've killed themself for doing shit like simply doing silly on-stage jokes with their brother or not being a perfectly stable and neurotypical conventional person writing cute fluffy stories or not being the person YOU wanted them to be i guess.

i think that's all. Hopefully that's all, i feel like i just puked out an entire week's meals saying this. Probably in like 5 minutes I'll feel better and no longer think about leaving. I just really needed to take this weight out of me, i wasn't being able to think properly anymore by continuing to bottle all of this up. Thank you for letting me talk about it, even if it goes against the thing i said I'd do, where I said i wouldn't vent anymore. This is still a one time thing though

[scruffyssketchbook]

RAMBLES OF A VERY TIRED AUTHOR CHAN #I lost track bro

Kind of random post, sorry!!! Might delete later 😋 idk

I originally said here that this wasn’t a vent post but it might be one after all oops. (I’m sorry I’m an over-sharer and this is my ramble blog.)

(Trigger Warning- grooming? Pedo behavior?)

So I think I mentioned this here before (like years before, idk), but there is this guy who has been stalking me for forever now or whatever. Like, he’s basically the reason I don’t accept friend requests from people I don’t know on Discord and made it so only friends can message me, cause this man would pretend to be other people to talk to me. Anyways, on one of his MANY alts that he uses to send messages to me, he basically admitted to grooming me in the Pedo way when I was a minor!!! Fun 🥰🥰🥰🥰 (this is sarcasm)

But like, that literally explains SO MUCH OF THE THINGS IN SSEC, LIKE WHAT????

Like obviously I am not going in detail of the things that were in SSEC cause it makes me uncomfortable, but it does explain a lot of it, and seeing how afterwards I proceeded to get groomed by 2 other people back to back to BACK, LIKE. For one thing

I definitely feel like the tonal shift in the series was due to all of these events. Of course, I’m not going to get into every bad thing that happened to me due to being a naive girl making a stupid pokemon webcomic (sadly it’s a lot lol), but like, I didn’t even realize that I was groomed by multiple people until I was in my 20’s. (I mean, I am in my 20’s right now, but you know) and I literally was not aware that stalker man was being a pedo towards me when I was a minor until he admitted to me that he was being one- RECENTLY.

I do feel like how SSEC ultimately turned out was due to all of this. For the longest time, I was just surrounded by a lot of negativity. And, I kind of just kind of have the natural inclination to help people or be kind to people, and that ultimately just caused people to see that and use me over and over and over again, causing both the tonal shift in SSEC as well as me closing myself more and more off to people, which- really sucks honestly. (And only now I realize that that is literally the same thing that happened to Vay, wtf)

Like- I want friends. Nothing Romantic, no strings attached, no weird power dynamics, just PLATONIC friends. But I’m extremely shy and awkward, and ofc, extremely closed off ^^;;; So it’s pretty hard for that to happen, I guess.

But I suppose that is why I like/obsess about Box 31 so much.

Box 31 is basically just wish fulfillment for me.

Because, like. The only thing I’ve ever really wanted, the thing I have been looking for, for years, are friends. And, the whole story of box 31 are outcasts making friends, and supporting each other, and growing together, and that makes me very very happy.

Living vicariously through my characters!!! I want them to be happy, I want them to smile, I want others to smile too!!! I don’t want to keep drawing sad things, yeah I like drama, there will be drama in Box 31, but in ssec it’s just so endless. I always wanted the characters to be happy at the end, but where is that end if there is an endless sea of issues?

Idk. I just remember me being freshly 18, crying on the ground (cringe ik) to my way older roommate that I just wanted friends, and I wonder if things would have been better if someone just took my hand and became the friend I needed at the time instead of me becoming totally isolated and the stalker using that to get closer to me.

Idk 😋 as I said, might delete later 😋 just kinda a bit cringe lmao

I just wanna keep drawing my Stupid Silly Eeveelutions~ la la laa

Oh. Speaking of that actually.

[wistfulenchantress]

aaaaaand we're officially back in business!

hi there! i'm witch. my pronouns are they/them, and i'm a nonbinary lesbian. i have anxiety and severe depression, but i'm working on being better!

i'm slowly getting back to tumblr after over a month of haitus, and i'm starting with a brand new intro post, so here it is! i'll format this later lol. basic facts about me:

minor

i'm a writer, a poet, a yapper, and a kid at heart.

also i'm like a huge fucking nerd.

and i'm tall. i stg you guys i'm actually tall. (why does nobody believe me!!!)

aquarius intj (whatever either of those mean to you)

i'm super genuine, i won't lie to you (that's a promise)

my asks/messages are always always open to literally anything, anon or not. if you need to vent, please do so here: @safespacewithwitch

i have a poetry sideblog @thewordsofwitch

i have a community (tv) sideblog @troybarnesgaytruther

my ao3

there are only a couple rules on my blog. please don't try to find out details about my personal life, i will not be sharing. please remember that i am a minor, and use common sense from there. please don't pressure me for political opinions, or anything like that, because i will delete it/block you. this does not apply to posts i might make about politics. i understand the double standard there, but it's a very specific set of triggers for me right now based on past experiences. sorry about all those rules lol! i swear i'm really easygoing.

i don't answer/reply to chainmail. i'll delete it, but i won't be upset.

i absolutely love talking to people but i only use tumblr in my rare free moments, so i can rarely talk for long. if i get pulled away from my phone/my social battery runs out and i stop replying PLEASE don't be offended. i swear it's not personal.

please make friends with me. i always want friends, even if i can't offer much.

i will tag my moots later lol. i love you guys.

ok, that's all! have a great day, and stay hydrated!

[clover-the-awesomest]

I don’t know what to do.

It’s very late at night and I have school in the morning but I can’t sleep without getting this off my chest. I’m so sorry for the vent post, I might delete it later or maybe I’ll forget about it in a few days.

I just found out about what Wilbur Soot did to Shelby. I have never watched any of Wil’s streams, neither have I known very much about Shelby. The streaming community just kinda breezes past me. Don’t have the attention span for it. But I did used to watch nearly all of Wilbur’s YouTube videos when they came out, and the Tom Simon’s vlogs with him in them were/are my favorites of the bunch. I also like to listen to Lovejoy’s music when doing certain chores/tasks in the house.

Then I heard the news, and was promptly floored. And now, I just… I’m lost.

I fully support Shelby. I feel horrible about what happened to her and I do genuinely hope she gets the support and love that she truly deserves. None of this is on her. And when it comes to Wil’s behavior, it’s just not okay. At all. I don’t have any other words.

Right now, I feel sick about the whole situation. I’ve been looking up to Wilbur for 4 years straight, despite not watching any of his streams, and now all of that has just been hit by a brick of information in the direction of my head! Everything’s so messy and confusing right now concerning all this, and I genuinely don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to my family, they won’t understand and won’t sympathize at all. I can’t talk to my friends, they’ll call me cringe. I can’t talk to anyone, really. And I just really need to know how to go about this. I adore Lovejoy’s music, but despise Wilbur’s actions. I was happy for Tommy and Wilbur coming back together in a recent VOD, but now I just feel bad for Tommy.

A huge part of my world has just been shattered. That’s the best way to put it.

I am so sorry to everyone else who’s been affected by this. I’m terribly sorry to Shelby, to Wilbur’s friends, to those who looked up to him, to his band… Everyone.

I’m sorry for being so divided on this. I know it should be obvious, that I should just block everything related to Wilbur and move on, but I don’t see it that way. I’m sorry.