#might be two idk yet

[analogwriting]

Childhood Crush

Chapter 20: Adamantium

Killer x gn!reader word count: 3.2k a/n: this is completely different than anything i've published so far so hopefully it's okay ;a; next

Captain…where was the captain? Was he okay? He doubted so, that blast had been insane. Even with Killer moving in front to protect his captain - he didn’t stand any kind of chance. Shanks was just too powerful.

On his back, breathing heavy, staring at the sky above. He's praying to whatever deity, or maybe the universe, that this isn’t the end but he's pretty sure it might be. He tries to think of how he got here; all the events that led up to this moment but he can't even form a coherent thought right now. He can’t even move to see if he can find his captain; hell, he can hardly keep his eyes open. They slowly flutter shut as the world around him goes black.

His heart feels like it's beating out of his chest. He never thought...he couldn't believe that he'd go out like this. Not this soon. He thought there'd be more of some kind of a fight; not being annihilated by a single blow. He’s searching for a lifeline he just can’t reach. His vision starts blurring as the light starts to fade. Water suddenly surrounds his body - did he fall into the ocean? He can’t even swim now, so he’ll probably end up sinking. He slowly falls unconscious once more.

Inhale. Exhale.

Looks like someone fished him out of the water, he can breathe but not easily. With each inhale followed by its exhale, he swears his ribs are breaking. It wouldn't surprise him if they punctured his lungs soon. The pain, it’s unrelenting. He’s ready for the end if that means all of this would end… Going out at twenty-seven? He supposed he made it further than most pirates, but he still feels like he could’ve gone further. Voices can be heard, but he can’t make anything out. Again, his world goes black. 

Suddenly, his life is flashing before his eyes like some kind of movie. The highs, the lows, his accomplishments, and everything that never happened; most of them are memories of you. There was so much that was unsaid - so much that he wanted to tell you. He had told himself he would finally tell you everything when you returned from Wano, but it seemed that wasn’t going to happen now.

Naturally, the first memory to surface was when he had met you. The captain and him had just gotten their asses handed to them by Victoria for laughing at her when she spilled brown curry all over herself. They had retreated to the captain’s house. Eustass had burst into his sibling’s room to declare not to come into his room, which, of course, would arouse suspicion for anyone. Not moments later, you had burst into the captain's room with such a confident look on your face that you had caught your brother doing something devious. You immediately swept him off his feet; had taken his breath away. It was love at first sight. He was certain he’d never seen anyone so radiant; his world had grown a little brighter that day.

It only grew from there. Seeing the way you cared for the captain and everyone else, it was admirable. You were patient with them; caring and kind. You never once complained about having everyone over or having so many mouths to feed. After all, it was only you providing for the lot of you for a long time. You had dropped out of school just to take care of the captain and you didn’t even bat an eye. You didn’t even hesitate to do what you needed to make sure that Eustass had everything he could ever need. You never once seemed to regret it. You were so strong in more ways than one.

The scene shifted to the first time you taught him how to cook. You taught him how to make spaghetti from scratch. You could've just bought box noodles, but you had gone the extra mile to really show off your own skills and show him how to really cook. You were patient with him despite him being really bad in the beginning. You never once lost your temper with him or raised your voice. Honestly, it's probably why spaghetti ended up being his favorite food - because it reminded him of you. Of the warmth you made him feel that day. 

Each and every time you saved their asses from their own dumb decisions, it only solidified his love for you. You displayed such strength and grace when you fought, never once becoming overwhelmed, no matter how many opponents stood in your way. You always came out on top without hardly breaking a sweat. He admired you for that. You never hesitated in your actions. All they had to say was that someone was in trouble and you jumped into action with no questions asked; no complaints. Sure, there was teasing, but it was light hearted and you never meant it.

Eustass noticed Killer’s crush on you back on the island. He had been staring just a little too long one day and as Eustass had put it, “You just had a look on your face.” He had teased him relentlessly about it, but also kept pushing him to confess. Killer kept coming up with excuses as to why he couldn't. You probably only saw him as a brother as you did the others. The captain tried to argue that point; saying that the both of you acted more like a domestic couple than anything else. You both were practically parents of the other three. 

The captain was actually the one who had given him the photo of you. It had been as a joke at first. "Take a picture, it lasts longer." It was a photo of you stitching up one of them, but you had been laughing at something that someone had said. Seeing you like that had taken his breath away. He loved it when you laughed, it was the most beautiful thing to him. He was so in love with you that it hurt.

Little did the captain know that Killer did end up keeping that photo. It stayed in his helmet - it was his treasure.

Heat and Wire caught on not long after and the teasing only grew worse from there. They had noticed when he started developing the habit of holding on to your hips whenever you would patch him up. Even still, he never said anything. He just thought you were out of his league, too good for him; much to everyone else’s dismay. They just wanted him to confess, but they weren’t about to do it for him.

When he had seen you near death in that alleyway - that was the first time Killer had experienced true anger. Someone pulling dirty tricks to get to you - you didn't deserve that. You never attacked out of turn, you had only ever attacked as defense. Never started a fight, just ended it. You were always just playing clean up. Cleaning up their messes and it had gotten you hurt. You were his ray of sunshine and he’d be damned if he was going to let anyone take that away from him. He felt like he had failed you that day somehow - like it was his fault you had ended up that way. He made a silent vow to make sure no one ever hurt you like that ever again.

After the attack, you weren’t the same. You were more skittish, had lost your sparkle and shine. All that confidence you had was gone. You did your best to pretend it didn't bother you, but he could see right through you. Aside from Eustass, no one could read you better than Killer. He still loved you with every ounce of his being, no matter what happened. He just wanted to hold you close and tell you that everything was alright, that he’d protect you from harm. Though, he still blamed himself somewhat for what happened, so he kept his distance.

Then he saw a shift in your personality out at sea. You had been growing your confidence back. You were happy and full of life again. You would cook with him, help your brother with some projects, even taught Heat and Wire how to smith. You still had your moments, but you seemed happy. You had your groove back for the most part. He was happy to see you in your element once more.

When you opened up to him on the island, his heart ached for you. Seeing you talk about yourself in such a manner, he couldn’t understand why you had thought that way. Everyone cherished you so much. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t fight anymore because you did everything in your power to help out wherever you could. He was determined to help you see just how much you meant to everyone; and for a moment, he thought it worked.

Something happened that created that drastic shift in your mood. Later, it was to be shown it was Kese, but at the time he couldn't understand. You started really pulling away and it had concerned everyone. No one knew what was going on. Everyone tried talking to you at one point or another, but you shut everyone out. 

Then you announced you were going to leave the crew. It wasn't forever, but it ended up feeling like it. He had been upset just as Eustass had been, but he knew you had your reasons and he respected that. If this would help you, then he’d gladly let you take some time. After all, he said he’d never make you do something that you didn’t want to do.

It was during your departure that the terrible news came. The news that you had been taken from them far too soon. He was absolutely devastated just as the captain had been - everyone was. He felt like his world was crumbling. He did some stupid things - things he knew you would never have approved of - right along with the captain. The both of them held little value of their own lives, growing reckless in their actions.

The events of Wano then happened. He didn't recall too much of what happened in the snowfield. He wasn't fully himself when that happened and you were covered head to toe in robes. 

But when you showed up, saving their asses just like you used to? Looking radiant and fantastic? He was pretty sure he had died and went to whatever heaven right then and there. He figured it had been a mix up cause there's no way he'd end up there, but as long as you were there, he didn't care. You looked like the guardian angel you had always been. The confidence you once held was back and he fell in love with you all over again. That shine, that sparkle, your shit eating grin, and cocky way you spoke - he had missed it so much. 

He could hardly speak let alone move, he had been so glad he wore a helmet because he wouldn’t have been able to keep anything hidden. His heart would’ve been on his sleeve at that moment.

Both him and Eustass had honestly thought you were a hallucination after you left once again. They assumed they had just had a close run in with death and wanted to see you one more time so they both imagined you. Or your spirit had swooped down to save their asses one last time before ascending back to the heavens. There was just no way that they were that lucky - that the universe would bring you back to them just because.

Only to their surprise when you showed up with the rest of the crew. You were actually there - alive. You were smiling, laughing, and arguing with Eustass. Everything was right again. They both tried not to dwell on it too much because they both knew they wouldn’t be able to hold it together in the slightest.

He had wanted so badly to tell you how much he loved you - how much he always loved you. But, with what happened with the SMILE fruit, he just felt like he wasn't worthy of your love. Whatever confidence he had somehow gotten had been shattered because of the damn fruit. Insecurity took over, he felt like a monster. A monster you could never love.

Though, you never once showed an ounce of fear or disgust. Not even in the snowfields. That much he remembered. From the moment you had seen him both as Kamazo and as himself, both times he had only seen sympathy in your eyes. You saw right through his smile, you knew there was nothing but pain and sadness behind it. Even when you heard his hideous and terrible laugh, it didn’t seem to phase you in the slightest.

He had almost confessed to you that night in the kitchen. However, with everything else that happened and your welcoming aura, just you being back and in his arms, the miracle of you being alive, he broke down. You didn't judge him though, you didn't make him feel weak for doing so. It felt like the most natural thing, like it was okay for him to not be strong all the time, like he could finally let go. He felt he could relax again. You were there in his arms and safe. You held on to him in a way that gave him the resolve to keep going. He knew as long as you were around - things would be right. He could be content with just being by your side.

Then you dropped the bomb that you were staying behind again. The amount of anxiety he had felt when he first heard this was astronomical. Who was going to protect you? Why were you staying? Did you get into a fight with Eustass? He couldn't see why you'd want to stay. Especially not after what had happened last time. The excuse you gave the crew, he saw right through it. There was a reason you were staying but you weren’t telling anyone. Why?

It didn't help that you wouldn't tell him the truth either. What could it have been that you couldn't even tell him? You two had always been transparent with each other. The both of you always went to each other for everything. There were no secrets between the two of you. Well, except for his massive secret of being in love with you all this time. 

Seeing the determination in your eyes, you had your heart set on it; and who was he to stop you from achieving whatever it was you had your heart set on? He knew it had to be important if it meant you'd be leaving the crew again. Eustass seemed to know why you were staying, but he also wouldn't tell anyone. It must have been a very good reason considering that the captain was a blabbermouth and couldn’t hardly keep any form of secret to himself. It also must have been a very good reason for him to allow you to stay behind.

Killer had tried to get the information out of him. And he almost did. 

"I'll tell you, but only if you finally tell them how you feel." 

That's what he had said and, dammit, he tried. Killer had never been one to convey his feelings in the least. He just wasn't good at it - especially when it came to you. You were just so perfect and so out of reach to him that when he tried any kind of confession, he ended up tongue tied. How could he admit his feelings for someone that he held so dear? What if everything went south? He couldn’t stand to lose you in any capacity - he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

The night of the festival, he had taken the biggest risk he'd ever had. Sure, it started out of genuine concern. You were spiraling and he could tell - it had kind of been his fault for reopening such a fresh wound. He reached out, putting his hand on your thigh in an attempt to ground you. You seemed to come back and even welcome the touch. You visibly relaxed to his touch and he couldn’t help but…keep it there.

So, he decided to keep his hand there and you didn't push him away. That told him everything he needed to know. That little bit of contact that you allowed, and even seemed to enjoy, was more telling than words could give him. The both of you had always been able to communicate more silently. You were connected in that way. Words weren’t really needed.

Again, he didn't say anything. He didn't feel it was the right time. He didn't want you to feel like it was some last ditch effort to keep you on the ship. He decided that he'd finally say something whenever he saw you again - much to the captain's dismay. Eustass just wanted him to stop overthinking everything and get it out. Though, there seemed to be a silent agreement between you and Killer after that night. One that said there was going to be some kind of conversation when you were reunited.

And now, he'd never get the chance. You were in Wano, probably seeing the vivre card slowly burning, not knowing what to do. You told them not to go and get themselves killed, yet here he was, more than likely dying. Right along with his captain - your brother.

In the haze of his subconscious, he saw a face. Your face. You were leaning over him, saying something in a panic. Did you find him? Did whatever celestial being that's out there decide to give him mercy and bring you to him? Or was this all a dream? 

Maybe this was a second chance, another life to live. No, he couldn't be that lucky. He was surprised he was still alive - was he alive? Or was he in limbo right now? He had no idea.

He did notice that your blurry face was crying. Why, in his last moments, would he imagine you crying? Was it because of the guilt he was currently feeling? You were going to be left all alone. Well, he wasn’t even sure how much of the other crew had survived if at all. 

He knew that he probably wouldn’t survive, probably not the captain either. He had no idea where the rest of the crew was. He felt like a failure. He had failed to protect the grew, failed to keep his promise to you, failed you.

How could you forgive him? He wouldn't blame you if you were mad at him for the rest of your life. There were so many things left unsaid between the both of you. He felt you pull his head against your chest. Was this real? Or still the last ditch attempt to feel you in some way before he died?

"Everything's alright. Don't be afraid. Close your eyes - rest." 

Those words rang through clear as day before he finally let go of consciousness once more.

[voiice-of-the-soul]

It irritates me alot when people say that making medic more compassionate is ''missing the point of his character'' when he is literally shown to be in the comics.... did you miss the part where he showed concern for both sniper and miss pauling's well being in comic 5 and 6.

His actions are a combination of genuine attachment + clinical interest and these things do not cancel out one another. He is always pushing boundaries and going against the grain and i think this is what led to him losing his license in the first place. He felt stifled by the rules imposed on him.

He is shown to be extremely passionate so it makes sense that he would use his endless fascination with medicine as a way to show his affection. He loves his friends so he will find a way to make them borderline indestructible. Malpractice is his love language.

[morganski-19]

Eddie was still in the coma, attached to so many tubes it made Wayne sick to look at sometimes. But they were keeping him alive, so he’ll manage. They were making sure he got to see his boy awake again.

There was still a metal cuff that was attached to his wrist. The other end attached to the bar of the hospital bed. As if he could spring up at any moment and just escape. When he’s been half dead for days. When Wayne hasn’t seen his eyes open since before Eddie went into hiding. 

He hasn’t seen his boy for over a full week. Even though he’s been lying there on the bed for the last few days. Eddie won’t be back with Wayne until he wakes up. If he wakes up.

Everyday Wayne’s been here in between his shifts. Can’t afford to take the days off, with having to get a new place and all. Part of his paycheck’s paying for the hotel room he’s staying in while trying to find somewhere new to live. Even the abandoned houses are too pricy, and the trailer park’s in shambles. 

Honestly, if he could, he’d be pulling as many doubles as possible just to get a new place and soon. But that would mean not being here. Might miss when he wakes up. Wayne doesn’t want to miss that. 

It’s not like he’s lonely here either. There’s been other visitors. The kid that Eddie always talked about from his dungeon game. The one that he secretly liked above the rest of the freshmen. His bandmates came by once, looking guilty as hell when they did. They haven’t been back since. 

There’s been a few other people Wayne hasn’t recognized. A few more kids from the club, some he didn’t even know Eddie knew. But they always came to check in before heading across the hall to see the boy there. The Harrington boy. 

Wayne recognized it was him one day when the door was left open. He was asleep, with an IV in his arm along with some other cords. Not as many as his boy, but still there. There was a girl in there too, short brown hair and wearing a baggy jacket with some patches. She was holding his hand. It never seemed like she let it go. 

The same girl checked in on Eddie a few times. Tried to make small talk with Wayne but left when she realized he was disinterested. Always heading back to the Harrington boy. 

All he knew is that they both came in at the same time. Got admitted one after the other, but Wayne didn’t know what order. That they both had to go through some type of surgery to deal with the injuries. Though he hears Harrington’s was more cosmetic than anything. Eddie’s was to save his life. 

Not that he’s judging. People could do whatever they wanted for all he cared. There were different doctor’s for different things. Priorities and all that. He just hoped that Harringotn wasn’t higher up on the list than Eddie was. Eddie was clearly the one in the worst condition. 

The kid that kept visiting Eddie went over there a lot too. Dustin, is the kid’s name. Wayne can’t remember it half the time, he’s too busy focusing on something else. And just bone tired. But after Dustin sits next to Wayne for a while, updates Eddie on everything that’s happened that day, sometimes reads to him, he heads right across the hall and does it all again. Every single time. 

Wayne has no clue how this boy could possibly be close with both Eddie and the Harrington kid. It’s not like they were in the same circles. Or seemed to remotely like each other at all. Wayne can explicitly remember the Harrington boy being apart of one of Eddie’s hate filled rampages. But if he’s remembering right, there was something different that really pissed Eddie off about him. Something that’s wrapped up in the same reason Wayne’s never seen Eddie bring a girl home. 

But day after day, Dustin goes to Steve’s room after stopping by Eddie. Wayne can see why Eddie liked Dustin. He’s loud and dramatic just like Eddie. Likes the same game, same books, even starting to like the same music. But Dustin and the Harrington boy. He doesn’t get it. 

Until he’s walking down the hall to get a cup of coffee and hears it. The bickering that leads into laughter. Snippy comments about something filled with inside jokes. Suddenly it all makes sense. They almost seem like brothers. 

It’s a few more days until Wayne meets the Harrington boy himself. A nurse coming to check Eddie’s vitals leaves the door open on accident. Harrington peaks through when he’s on a walk down the hallway. 

“Why is he handcuffed?” is the first thing Wayne hears from the kid. Voice filled with anger. 

Before Wayne can get annoyed at explaining the whole situation to another stranger, explain how he knows his boy is innocent, the nurse is yelling at him. 

“You can’t be in here, sir.”

“I don’t give a shit. Why is he handcuffed? He didn’t do anything wrong.”

Wayne is surprised that he’s not the one making the case this time. Somehow, this kid he’s never met believes his nephew is innocent. Just like he does. 

The nurse snaps her folder shut, walking up to Steve and waving for help through the door. “That is private information. Go back to your room before you’re forced to.”

Steve rolls his eyes with a snarl, undoing the buttons on the front of his hospital shirt. “He didn’t give me these. He didn’t kill those kids. I know, I was there.” He begins to pull back the bandages, revealing scarred, mauled skin that looks just like Eddies. The nurse scolds him to stop. “He’s innocent, so why is he handcuffed to the bed?”

“He is still a suspect and deemed dangerous. Now get back to your room.”

More another nurse grabs Steve’s arm to try and pull him to his room. He shakes it off. 

“Dangerous,” his voice raises. “He’s been in a coma for days and you think he’s dangerous. What is he going to do, pop up out of bed like he hasn’t been fucking asleep for days and almost died just to run away? He couldn’t do that if he tried.”

Security gets involved now, physically pushing Steve out of the doorway. The nurse shuts the door to Eddie’s room, cutting Wayne off from seeing it. She apoligized for the intrusion and gets back to checking on Eddie. 

“He’s right, you know,” Wayne says, still hearing the noise from the hall. “My boy didn’t do nothin’ wrong. Can’t escape even if he tried. Or attack anyone for that matter. He’s been through enough, he doesn’t need to wake up to a cuff around his wrist.”

The nurse purses her lips, strained. “This is from above me, sir. But if the news is true, the cuffs are staying on.”

When the nurse opens the door again, the hall is clear. 

The next time Wayne sees Harrington is when he leaves for the day. Only able to fall asleep so many times in a shitty hospital chair before needing to go home. Security presses for him to stay in his room, warning him. 

“Just going to make a fucking phone call. I’m allowed to do that right?” When the security guard crosses his arms, the kid hits him with, “Don’t want me to get my dad involved, do you? Isn’t he one of the main donors for this hospital? Be such a shame if he stopped.”

Wayne almost laughs when the security guard moves out of the way. Harrington giving him the finger with a smirk as he walks down the hall to the payphone. 

Maybe Eddie and the Harrington kid had more in common than Wayne thought. 

now with a part 2

[bisexualmcqueen]

so i figured out the funniest possible way to do the 'salqueen babies' trope

he then finds someplace better (cave)

cuddle pile time

she's framing that.

they are a crazy but happy family <3

[the-meme-monarch]

happy birthday to my friends and i’s knight chara and strange someone frisk aus/theories :]

hi for undertale reasons i don’t like any combination of shipping chara frisk and asriel. if you ship them go away 👍

[egophiliac]

I have a question about the jp server pickups, since I really want knight Sebek, but I’m trying to save gems for bloom malleus + the 3rd tsum event that’s gonna show up sooner or later. Iirc, after knight Sebek, the next story update’s pickup had all of the previous story cards (ie cerberus Ortho, general Lilia, and knight Sebek). Is this true, and if it is, did it include a token system like the dorm pickups where you can just do 100 pulls and then buy the specific card you want directly? Because if that is how it works, then I can wait until then and be sure I won’t have to go to 200 for him.

we did indeed get a second chance at those three when 7-7 came out! I'm pretty sure there was not a token system -- though admittedly I don't 100% remember, sorry! 🙇 I took a quick search through some past posts/videos from people who tend to include the gacha and news stuff, but I didn't see any mention of it, so I'm inclined to think there really wasn't one. :( they were all separate pickups with their own pull counts rather than a combined one, if that info helps at all.

speaking as a strict f2p who hoards keys/gems like the lovechild of a dragon and a magpie, given the choice between saving for a story card and a birthday card, I'd go for story -- it does require a lot of patience, but there are way more opportunities to get past birthday cards, both from the anniversary events and the rerun pickups! tsums is a bit harder to say anything on because Eng doesn't follow the same event schedule, but it's a longish event and those pickups let you have a free 10-roll, so I think they're also a bit easier to save up for.

(ALSO speaking of free rolls, starting with the fifth round of birthdays -- the kutsurogi my room ones -- the birthday boy/union jacket/bloom cards have had a separate pickup that you can get two free 10-pulls at by doing missions! I got a bloom Jade from it a couple weeks ago. :D meanwhile general Lilia is the only story card I've ever managed to pull, so...I'm probably kinda biased. whoops.)

[north-noire]

jinx & powder's dilemma

[wikiangela]

several sentence sunday

so this is another fic I started on my vacation (I started three, and had one idea I haven't started yet lol - and one is already posted) - also, the two weeks here might change bc I'm struggling with the timeline (which doesn't matter but also it does lol) but I'll figure it out haha

(I'm still writing all my other wips btw, and gonna get to all the asks, but the writing beans have been gone lately, and I've been too exhausted lol - and my brain is so all over the place with my wips, idk what I wanna get to more)

___

Evan knows he’s in love with Tommy about two weeks into their relationship.

(...)

They still barely know each other, but Evan knows. He can’t explain why, can’t explain how, he just knows. Tommy Kinard is it for him.

The moment he realizes it with utmost clarity is nothing special, really. He just spent the night at Tommy’s – not the first one, but it’s still new enough to fill him with nervous, giddy excitement, butterflies swirling in his stomach, which he hasn’t felt in years before Tommy. Everything about Tommy makes him feel like this. Tommy’s eye-crinkling, nose-scrunching adorable smile; Tommy’s eyes, always so fond when he looks at him; Tommy’s lips that taste so amazing Buck never wants to stop kissing him; Tommy’s big, big hands that feels so good in Buck’s, those strong arms and broad shoulders… – just everything about Tommy. At first Buck thought it’s the newness of this, of Tommy, of knowing about his bisexuality. But he’s also gotten so comfortable with Tommy in such a short time, and it doesn't even really feel new anymore, he knows it must be just him, must be Tommy making him feel like a giddy teen with a crush. Except the way this feels… Buck’s a grown man with tons of experience, and he knows how infatuation feels, how a simple crush and attraction feels, how real love feels. And he knows, deep down in his core, in his soul, in his heart, that this is real, that this is definitely more than a crush. This is what love feels like.

___

no pressure tags (lmk if you wanna be added or removed):

@dr-shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @ladydorian05 @diazpatcher @monsterrae1 @rainbow-nerdss @pirrusstuff @bucks-daddy-issues @rogerzsteven @honestlydarkprincess @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @diazheartsbuckley @giddyupbuck @thewolvesof1998 @underwaterninja13 @your-catfish-friend @kinard-buckley @evansboyfriend @beyourownanchor6 @weewootruck @kirkaut @jewishbuckley @loveyouanyway @daffi-990 @lonelychicago @reformedplayerbibuck @spotsandsocks @bucked-it-up @theotherbuckley @drcloyd @bidisasterevankinard @tizniz @hippolotamus @diazsdimples @girlwonder-writes @perfectlysunny02 @dadbodbuck

[steddiehyperfixation]

how to stay with you (steddie ficlet)

written for @steddieangstyaugust day 29: future, and also inspired by this post i saw ages ago

1474 words | rated t | cw: unhappy ending

When Steve and Eddie first got together, they had been young and in love and that’s all that had mattered. At 19 and 20 the realities of the future seemed so far away, so caught up in each other in each present moment that it almost felt like they would never grow up, like time would never pass and they would never have anything to worry about. Conversations of ‘what ifs’ and potential issues were brushed aside, anything that wasn’t an immediate problem dismissed with a kiss and a carefree “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” There was no need for premature concern when surely nothing would ever be so big as to come between them. Because they were it for each other, weren’t they? They were forever, and forever seemed so easy when forever was young.

But the time did pass and they did grow up, and now the bridges they thought they’d never come to are looming before them, fast approaching.

At 25 and 26, they sit at the dinner table in the one-bedroom apartment they’ve lived in for years and Eddie tells Steve about the life-changing phone call he just received. The Hollywood music producer he’s been in sporadic contact with finally wants to finalize a plan and work with Eddie’s band officially, and Eddie is so excited he’s practically vibrating as he rambles to Steve about the album he’ll make and the tours he might go on and how they’re gonna have to start looking for places in LA soon because they have to be local and the producer wants to get started on this by the end of next month. He expects Steve to be excited too, to match his grin and maybe hold hands and bounce around the kitchen with him, but his boyfriend’s expression only falls further and further into a frown with every word Eddie speaks.

“Eddie-” Steve interrupts him, his voice far too serious. “I don’t want to move to LA.”

Eddie’s buzzing energy freezes, stopping short. “What?”

Steve repeats, “I don’t want to move to LA.”

“But-” Eddie frowns. “I was always going to move to LA, that was always my plan. You knew that.”

“Yeah, I-I know. But we always said we’d just cross that bridge when we came to it.”

“Well, we’re coming to it now. So, why don’t you want to move?”

“I don’t want to uproot our life here. And I don’t want to end up having to wait around in a strange city while you’re off on tours all the time.”

“You wouldn’t, you’d come with me.”

Steve shakes his head. “I can’t live like that. And what about when we have kids? That’s no way to-”

“Wait, Steve-” It’s Eddie’s turn to interrupt, all trace of his previous excitement gone, having dropped like a stone into his gut instead. “I don’t want kids. Like, ever.”

Something fractures in Steve’s eyes as he stares at him, almost hurt. “What? Why did you never say anything? You knew- I’ve always wanted kids, Eddie, you’ve always known that.”

“Yeah, I know, I just-” Eddie’s mouth feels too dry and his tongue too heavy as he wets his lips and shrugs guiltily. “I mean, we always said we’d just cr-”

“-cross that bridge when we came to it, yeah,” Steve sighs, a dejected sort of exhale that slouches in his shoulder as if the full weight of this conversation has suddenly settled upon them.

Eddie feels it too, feels them sinking somewhere they can’t come back from. “Is that, uh- is that a dealbreaker for you?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Steve admits, and he looks at Eddie like it devastates him to do so, emotion swimming in his eyes and straining his voice. “Is me not wanting to move to LA a dealbreaker for you?”

Eddie swallows thickly. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Would you ever change your mind?” Steve asks, a last ditch hope. “About kids, or any of it?”

“No,” Eddie says; though he hates to watch the last of the light drain from Steve’s face, he can’t lie to him. “Would you?”

“No,” Steve answers in a barely managed whisper.

Eddie takes a deep breath, and it shakes. His vision blurs. He says, “Then this isn’t going to work, is it?”

Steve stares at him with glassy eyes, like he’s watching Eddie become a ghost right in front of him. His voice breaks as he speaks, “You mean we’re not going to work.”

“Yeah…” Eddie confirms, and it shatters his heart. “I’m so sorry, Stevie.” He reaches for Steve’s hands across the table. “I love you more than anything, I really do, but I won’t give up on my dream, and I can’t ask you to give up on yours either.”

“No you’re right.” Steve breath shudders. His eyes fall to their joined hands and he blinks rapidly, the way he does when he’s trying hard not to cry. He squeezes Eddie’s hands tight, desperate for something to hold on to even as he agrees, “We want different things, incompatible things. I don’t want to hold you back.”

“Exactly…I don’t want to hold you back,” Eddie echoes in barely more than a whisper, afraid if he tries to speak any louder he’ll break into tears.

Steve does break then, a sob escaping from his throat as if it’d clawed its way free, tears spilling from his eyes. Such a cry activates an instinct in Eddie that sends him leaping to his feet and pulling Steve into a hug within seconds.

“I’m so sorry,” he says again. His chest aches and he really wishes this wasn’t happening, hates that he knows that it has to.

“Me too,” Steve manages, head buried in Eddie’s shoulder. There’s no bitterness in it, only heavy acceptance. He knows it too.

They both know there’s no solving this, no compromise they could find that wouldn’t inevitably fester into resentment and regret. Because Steve wants to settle down and Eddie wants to fly - but Eddie isn’t built for the ground, nor is Steve for the sky, and there’s no common place left between them where they could both survive. It’s over.

So they mourn together while they still have each other to take comfort in, clinging tight to what they’re losing, just one last time. Eddie's crying now too, his tears streaming silently down his cheeks in counterbalance to Steve’s sniffly mumbling.

“I don't want to lose you,” Steve mutters. “Are you sure? Are you sure?”

And Eddie cries quietly into the crook of his neck that he doesn't want to lose him either, and he's sorry, so sorry.

When the worst of their sobs subside, they reach the bargaining stage of their grief, and they pull apart just enough to talk properly while still holding onto each other. Eddie swears he'll keep in touch, says he still wants to be a part of Steve's life. Steve makes him promise to send him postcards of all the amazing places he'll go to on tours and to invite him to shows whenever he's nearby. Eddie tells him to invite him to the wedding when - when, he emphasizes as Steve starts to shake his head - Steve falls in love again and finds someone who can give him the life he wants.

At that, Steve sniffles out a laugh, wet and humorless. “That would be cruel,” he says.

“I never said I’d actually show up,” Eddie clarifies, giving an equally complicated smile and bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. “I just want to know. I want to know that you're happy, even if it can't be with me.”

Steve closes his eyes - another tear or two leaks out - and turns his face into Eddie's hand. In a whisper, he agrees, “Okay.”

They decide it would be best for Eddie to leave as soon as possible. Since they've already concluded they won't last, there's no reason for them to stay in the same apartment even just one more night. It would only hurt more in the end.

With a sort of dissociated detachment, Eddie packs up his things, separating his life from Steve’s one piece of clothing and decorations at a time. It's all he can do not to start crying again.

As Eddie turns to leave for the last time, Steve grabs his arm, impulsive, desperate, and begs him for one more kiss. So Eddie turns around and indulges him. He tastes the salt of their tears on their lips, clutching at Steve's waist and tangling a hand in his hair as they both kiss each other like they know they never will again. Eddie savors every bitter taste, memorizes every sweet feeling.

And then they’re out of time and Eddie's out the door, his whole future ahead of him and his heart cracked right in half.

[todayisafridaynight]

journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit

[karleksmumskladdkaka]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol. 7 Mukami Ruki Animate Tokuten Drama CD: “Sleeping Together ★ With Vampire"

Audio

No, not that kind of sleeping together.

...And yet somehow not really the other kind either because despite it's title there is LITTLE TO NO SLEEPING TOGETHER GOING ON AT ALL except at the very end TᴖT TᴖT TᴖT My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

Ok ok I'm obviously being overdramatic. Misleading name aside the CD is enjoyable and cute just...not at all in the way I was expecting (that being something akin to the Sleeping Vampire Scenario from Vandead Carnival but, alas, no). But oh well, I got to hear Ruki be all deredere towards the end so it's fine I guess lol

Ideally I'd create an actual translation to go along with this (I might do so sometime in the future, unless someone more competent does it first) but for now I've put a summary of the story under the cut. I ask that you please have mercy on me though, I am not used to writing this kind of stuff and it probably shows >﹏<;

Regardless, I hope you enjoy ( ﾉ^ω^)ﾉ ⋆⁺₊☽⁺₊⋆

UPDATE: The CD now has an actual translation courtesy of my fellow Ruki stan @otomehonyaku o(^o^)o please go check it out if you haven't already!

[Disclaimer: I always allow my stuff to be used for translation purposes, as long as I am credited. But please do not reupload the audio anywhere]

Summary ~*×*☆*+*~

[Please note that there may be mistakes or I might've misinterpreted parts of the CD. I apologize in advance (╥﹏╥)]

The CD starts with Ruki encountering Yui, who is carrying an unusually large package. Curious, Ruki asks her what she's doing, and learns that Kou has tasked her with delivering the package to him (Ruki). Ruki is somewhat perplexed as he doesn't recall requesting anything of the kind. Yui suggests that it might be a surprise gift, but Ruki is skeptical. He wants to ask Kou directly but is reminded that he is currently away on a location shoot. With a resigned sigh, Ruki decides that he has no choice but to open the package in Kou's absence. He asks Yui to hand the package to him, and then invites her to come along to his room to find out what's inside. She eagerly accepts, and they head off together.

In Ruki's room they take a seat (on what I assume to be the sofa) and open the package. Inside, there are various wooden pieces resembling parts of something, along with a letter from Kou. Ruki reads the letter aloud and it's revealed that the package contains a (*drumroll*)... puzzle! And not just any puzzle but a ✨️3D puzzle✨️. In the letter Kou encourages Ruki and Yui to assemble the parts together to discover what they will form. Since he's got spare time on his hands Ruki decides to have a go at it, with Yui joining in.

After a while of working on the puzzle, Ruki asks Yui how her part is coming along. She shows him, and he comments that she's doing better than he anticipated. He helps her out with some difficult pieces before instructing her to continue on her own. Yui asks Ruki if this is his first time putting together a 3D puzzle, and he replies that he's tried some before, but that this particular type is new to him. Yui is eager to learn what it is they are building, and Ruki, not wanting to dampen her anticipation, pretends he still can't quite figure out what the finished thing will be either (awww ♡). Ruki suggests that rather than moving their mouths they should focus on moving their hands as with their current pace the puzzle won't be finished. He reasons that the faster they move the sooner they'll have their curiosity satisfied. Yui agrees to work faster and Ruki promises to do the same.

They pick up the pace and eventually the puzzle is done. The assembled pieces have formed a small foreign castle, and Ruki reveals that he suspected as much from the start. He surmises that Kou must have remembered their expressed desire to visit such a castle after seeing one by chance on one of his TV shows. Ruki acknowledges Kou's attempt to make the two of them happy in his own way. He praises Yui for doing a great job despite not knowing what they were actually assembling, noting that the part she made fits perfectly into the castle.

However, there is no response from Yui, causing a puzzled (ahaha) Ruki to remark on her lack of reaction to something she had been so excited about. Turning his head to the side to look at her, Ruki discovers that she's fallen asleep with her head resting on his shoulder. He comments on the privilege of such a sleeping position but acknowledges that it's understandable she'd fall asleep since it's past their usual bedtime. She had seemed so engrossed in their work that he didn't notice her drifting off.

Ruki carries Yui to his bed and gently places her there, saying that she should have just told him that she was tired. He realizes that she likely made an effort to stay awake until the end, though she ultimately fell asleep. Deciding that it would be a good time for him to go to sleep as well, he tidies up and hides the little castle under the table, so that he'll be able to see Yui's reaction to it in the morning.

Returning to the bed, Ruki asks Yui to scoot over to make room for him, but she's sleeping too soundly to hear. He lies down next to her and (in true Mukami Ruki fashion) begins observing Yui's sleeping face. He notes how relaxed her expression is and wonders if it's because she's tired out from using her brain (lmao rude). Ruki then ponders what kind of face Yui will make when she wakes up—will she feel guilty for falling asleep before the puzzle was finished, or will she be surprised and embarrassed to find him laying next to her? Regardless of what her reaction will be, Ruki knows that it'll be enjoyable to witness. But he's certain she'll be happy once she sees the completed puzzle and admits to himself that he really wants to see that expression on her face. He's aware that it's out of character for him, and thinks that he might even have trouble falling asleep from the excitement (asdfsdjfj this is too fucking cute I can't)

Ruki decides that he should thank Kou for the useful gift by making him his favorite food for dinner tomorrow. The mention of dinner causes Yui to stir (what a relatable Queen), and Ruki teases her for being greedy. He assures the still-sleeping girl that she doesn't need to worry; he'll make her favorite dish as well as a reward for her hard work on the puzzle.

The CD ends with Ruki saying how he looks forward to seeing Yui's reaction the following day.

Fin ~*×*☽*+*~

- _(´ω`_)⌒)_

[roboyomo]

ahem. this is probably cringe but Kumiho'd kenix is finally a thing

[iiraae]

lil sneak peek of one of my olnf characters - sóley :-D im making her a lil reference sheet currently but im too tired to finish it LOLOL

she has a rly big crush on tamarack and i love them sm and u will def b seeing more of Them ♡♡♡

[callmekebs]

I’m reading bsd BEAST rn… Junichiro and Akutagawa need to kiss right NOW or I’m gonna lose it.

[edmunderson]

*tosses this at you and leaves immediately*

[honeydots]

i've been dipping my toes into experimenting with borders, lately 🌿