#might be the funniest moment of the series so far

[sophthebof]

Rand al’Thor does not get enough credit for how funny he is because I nearly spat out my drink at this

[thewertsearch]

Mega-Giga Ask Comp: Part 3

@manorinthewoods asked: I'll be honest, I wrote the Locked Tomb ask having not read the Locked Tomb series. I literally only know the starting and ending strokes of the first book. That being said, I do like the half-soul-Sollux idea, and it works pretty well with the Locked Tomb's general theme of Lyctorhood, and how knotted the whole situation with Alecto, Gideon, and Harrow ends up being. (What is even going on with Nona) ~LOSS (4/13/24) @manorinthewoods asked: You know, if you hadn't already read Gideon the Ninth, I'd have recommended it as a good second liveblog. It really does fit your preferred sort of mystery. From all the clues presented, you could probably hit very close to the ultimate solution to the Lyctoral puzzle - as close as anybody could be expected to get. ~LOSS (25/4/24) @manorinthewoods asked: The Locked Tomb's prose is pretty good. On occasion, it happens to chime with a sound of 'Homestuck', but I only recall that twice so far in my reading. I like the skelebook. ~LOSS (27/4/24)

Once again, I'm glad my hidden agenda - convincing this blog's entire readership to check out The Locked Tomb - is bearing fruit.

I agree! TLT does occasionally give Homestuck vibes, presumably because its author is a fan. For the most part, though, its prose style is all its own.

Anonymous asked: Reference to American culture: the sphere of Jade's home dropping and the timer that preceded it are references to the Times Square Ball, an annual event held every New Year's Eve. A giant ball descends down a pole at 11:59 PM and reaches the bottom at 12:00 AM, January 1. I believe that you can figure out why the reference was included in the first place. Anonymous asked: btw the gamzee page was released on new years. ‘the miracle of a new beginning’ is the new year and the lab dropping is supposed to be a reference to the ball dropping in times square

Some America Lore here that I wasn't aware of.

I was wondering exactly what Gamzee meant by 'a new beginning'. Maybe Alternia practices the tradition as well.

@omnilew asked: the way you speculate and go indepth into sburbs features and how it affects the kids, made a silly headcanon that your kidsona is reading the comic while playing out their session though this is mainly because "Eventually, we were bound to cross a couple of wires that should never have been allowed to touch" kinda references chargerkind

I like it! Maybe my 'sonas have access to a more in-depth version of Rose's walkthrough, and are adding their own commentary in quiet moments during their own adventures.

@manorinthewoods asked: Your excitement over the resurrection of Dream Jade gave me a form of suspenseful mirth. Seeing how happy you were at her resurrection, while also knowing exactly what came of it, is perhaps textbook dramatic irony. If only you'd read a panel further… ~LOSS (26/4/24)

She looked so happy to be back, too! That certainly didn't last long.

She was prototyped with a smiling corpse, though. Maybe that was just her 'default' expression, and it vanished as soon as her actual feelings asserted themselves.

@thetinygladiator asked: 'I hadn’t really thought about Sally’s ectobiological parent - but now that I am, I think the funniest possible option is that it’s her landlady.' okay but i just gotta say… this immediately makes me think about how that relates to the house-building aspect. Like, with the giant tower, are they gonna charge the Imps for rent? That might work, honestly. Where do imps even live? Bet they don't have good AC or Wi-Fi, lemme tell ya.

300 GRIST/DAY NO CRUXTRUDER NO ALCHEMY NO PETS

@manorinthewoods submitted: How many computers would you have on your person if you were playing Sburb? Jade recommends at least 5. I say I'd have a laptop, phone, a spare of both of those, and computer gloves if I need to compute really fast. Also spare gloves. Speaking of the phone - is it possible for people to put phones in their pockets? Given Karkat (and a minor gag in Act 6), we can assume that it's difficult or uncommon to carry items without using the Sylladex - or maybe it's just tied to your dexterity, and you have to hold things gingerly to avoid captchaloguing them when you pick them up. On the other hand, there's no issues with accidentally storing something you've unstored and are using - so how does the Sylladex actually work? Do people just instinctively store their items once they're done using them? Is it difficult to avoid storing something you aren't using anymore? Can you stuff phones in pockets? If not, then why develop a PDA in the first place? Given the Sylladex, it should be much more commercially viable to make a tablet. ~LOSS (24/4/24)

Since Karkat can physically pick up a book, you can probably pocket your gear - although maybe there's a difference between holding an object and trying to add it to a physical 'inventory'. Either way, the issue is easily circumvented by employing wearable tech, like the kids do.

As depicted in my alchemy binge, my primary computing device would be the Pocket Holodex, which can remote into any computer in my sylladex.

In addition, my Modular Ring shirt is also a computer, which can presumably be augmented by adding extra mod1ules over time. I'd probably also captchalogue every computer in my apartment, of which I currently have six.

I'd be exploring the Medium with a minimum of seven computers, plus one pseudo-computer, plus a phone. Jade would certainly approve.

@iris-in-the-dark-world asked: the tension in act 5 act 2 is perfect, i love it. maybe even moreso on rereads, the foreshadowing and generally ominous vibes always get to me @heliotropopause asked: You're getting to the part where the comic really starts hitting its stride. This'll be fun.

The ever-present countdown certainly adds a degree of urgency to the situation.

I'm really liking the pacing of this current act, as things slowly progress towards some critical point - one which, for now, is still shrouded in mystery.

Anonymous asked: Forwarding another ask for the person with no account ~DJ: Eridan's deal seems to be based on Wizardry Herbert - a proto-Homestuck work by Hussie. A parody of Harry Potter dealing with whether magic is real. [] But Methods of Rationality began in February 2010, so "Harry Potter but obsessed with science" might have also been an intentional reference to that.-RM @heliotropopause asked: Eridan Ampora and the Methods of Rationality sure is an idea for a fanfic. He'd be so bad at it.

Eridan would be an extremely funny choice for a ratfic protagonist. He'd be so smarmy about it - and thus, a perfect addition to their ranks.

What would the definitive Homestuck ratfic be called, do you think? I think Tool-Assisted Speedrun would be a decent choice.

@killedthekat asked: An interesting thing about doomed timelines is how they serve to prevent stable loop metagaming. As a basic example, in a typical stable time loop scenario, if you observe yourself unharmed in the future, you can throw yourself into high danger high reward situations and know that probability will twist itself into whatever improbable knot it needs to do to keep you safe. But in homestuck if you lean too hard on predestination you just get shunted into a doomed timeline for your trouble.

It's true. Timehopping just isn't fun in Homestuck, as you're constantly walking a tightrope, desperately trying to stay in the one timeline that might not get you killed.

It's a good way to prevent time-travelers from becoming overpowered - something which is probably necessary for a comic which makes such heavy use of the concept.

Anonymous asked: Now that you're updating while HS^2 is, I've realised that while I'm barely keeping up with ^2, I just yelled "Oh! Upd8!" out loud when I checked your blog, so to me? You're the real continuation of Homestuck

What an honor!

For veterans of the comic, this blog is more Homestuck: Revisited than Homestuck 2. As a woman who would much rather watch video essays about old Simpsons episodes than new seasons of the show, I completely understand why some would prefer the latter.

@manorinthewoods asked: I've since finished Worm. I think Sophia's by far the best Vriska candidate. Lisa, Amy, and Colin are less so, I think. ~LOSS (21/4/24)

Oh, nice, you got all the way through it! Worm is an absolute behemoth, and I know a lot of people who started it, and gave up halfway through.

Sophia is likely the closest match to Vriska in personality. I agree with an earlier comment, though, that the most Vriska-like character in terms of audience reaction is probably Amy.

Anonymous asked: Cannot believe someone would propose a Homestuck/Locked Tomb scenario and leave Gamzee as part of a spare pairing, when the Homestuck fic The Serendipity Gospels, written by the author of The Locked Tomb, stars Gamzee and Terezi in the proto-necromancer/cavalier dynamic. Absolutely appropriate to have Gamzee as Ninth though, since his facepaint is the direct ancestor to Harrow's. Gamzee and Terezi is such a funny pairing to go with. I'm certainly looking forward to checking out The Serendipity Gospels when I'm done with the comic - both to compare it to Homestuck and to the Locked Tomb.

As am I. Apparently it was left unfinished - but considering how long this liveblog is taking, maybe Taz will have updated by the time I'm done!

Wishful thinking, of course, but I live in hope.

@bladekindeyewear submitted:

(I started Dragon's Dogma 2 a couple weeks ago and did my best to a Gideon Nav pawn (NPC ally), facepaint and two-hander and all, and the "Jaunty Straightforward" voice selection has been EXTREMELY distracting / game-improving because her voice and attitude chatting beside my player all the time sound almost straight out of the audiobook.)

Damn, you really captured her essence. Pawn is a very fitting title for her, too :(

@manorinthewoods asked: On the topic of blood color names - Blue through Purple were renamed in Hiveswap. Originally, Vriska was Cerulean, Equius was Blue, and Gamzee was Indigo - which I like more than their modern incarnations. I think 'bronze' might also be a Hiveswap thing, although I won't dispute it, and rust might have been renamed to burgundy? Maybe burgundy is a synonym. Idk. ~LOSS (4/13/24)

I think I prefer the likes of olive, indigo and bronze over more generic terms like green, blue and brown, which would quickly lead to confusion.

Vriska's blood, for example, is also a shade of blue, so it would be a little strange if blue blood was an official term, but it didn't apply to her.

@mxamericanblue asked:hi i have been absolutely BINGING your live blog rn and i gotta just get this out this is so so cool watching you react has been giving me so much joy, i don't have a computer so i can't really experience homestuck again casually when i want to but watching you read it and react and THEORIZE??? omg your theories have been so fuckin killer it's given me a new appreciation for Hussie as a story teller and how spectacular this comic truly was thank you for this, i've been having a grand ol' time, and it's all cuz of u

Thank you! I feel like I've been theorizing a lot less since I came back from my hiatus, mostly because the comic hasn't introduced many big mysteries recently - aside, of course, from Aradia's unexplained explosion.

(Pre-posting update: Since first drafting this ask, my statement above is no longer true, as Gamzee has been revealed as Homestuck's most important character. What the actual fuck.)

@lilietsblog asked: re fifth house aradia: she's an archeolodist :)

Oh, shit, you're right.

Maybe she'd be in more danger from the Lyctor than I thought.

@ben-guy asked: Vriska's ascension to god-tier is, in my personal opinion, one of the most visually striking scenes in all of Homestuck. Also, one of the panels you didn't include (which is understandable w/ Homestuck lol. Sacrifices for the sake of brevity) specifically the one where she has him write "[…] plenty of time for that l8r" above her head… Think about the position she would have had to move him to to write that.

…jesus, Vriska. You can't just do that!

@martinkhall asked: "What is treasure but a fortune, waiting to be found?" Or stolen if you're the THIEF of Light.

Son of a bitch. That's why she's a pirate, isn't it?

Because a Thief of Light is someone who steals fortunes!

@manorinthewoods asked: Eidolons. A species purpose-built to play Sburb, while breaking every mechanic you can solely with biology. Eidolons don't sleep, and live in a hive mind. Their psychologies are very poor at recognising distinct things, with Eidolons seeing the world more in terms of a blur of colors and shapes. They thus have a very difficult time understanding Classes and Aspects, never mind that their mythology never involved deities, and they never invented chess, or games of any sort… ~LOSS (15/4/24)

The idea of a species engineered from the ground up to be Players does raise the interesting question of whether there was a first species to play Sburb.

Of course, with all the time-loops we've been working with, there might not have been a first species - unless Sburb was 'created' in some sort of metatemporal space, 'before' any loops were put in place.

@manorinthewoods submitted: You are very good at analysing Vriska's psyche. Vriska's character was executed very well, I think, and I would hate her with a burning passion platonically but to a high degree if I knew her in real life. She's just… really horrible. She's a horrible person. And half her shtick is that she keeps evading consequences in spite of that. All of her mental torture of Tavros, for instance, ends in her becoming the most powerful player in the session. What sort of justice is that, Terezi? ~LOSS (15/4/24)

She hasn't entirely evaded consequences, but it's undeniable that none of the consequences she's experienced have actually stopped her from doing the things she does.

She's lost an arm, an eye, she's been beaten up, she's bled to death, and literally none of it has caused her to let up on Tavros, even a little. Letting up on Tavros, to her, would be worse than any physical harm, because it would be an attack on her worldview.

@sanctferum asked: "Has anything come of this since, actually? I haven’t heard anything about this new comic – although I do scroll in the opposite direction any time I see a reference to Homestuck, so I guess it makes sense that I wouldn’t." - The general feel I've gotten from the community has been largely positive re: the new Homestuck 2 updates, which have indeed been happening. It's being updated once per month for now, so a lot slower going than non-hiatused OG Homestuck. But I'm enjoying it so far!

Once a month seems more sustainable than Hussie's original barely-believable pace for the comic. With Hussie no longer at the helm, expecting daily panels seems like a pretty big ask - most people don't have the time, money or energy do what Hussie did.

Anonymous asked: I don't know if you read UTDR fanfiction, but this Tavros and Vriska situation reminds me a little bit of Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach. she's trying to push him to his limits and torture him into being someone who will kill, and he just won't. say, what's your read on comparing Flowey : Vriska?

Flowey does what he does because he's lost his emotions, but Vriska does what she does because she's consumed by her emotions.

If anything, Flowey has more in common with Aradia. They're both time-travelers whose ability to feel is somewhat compromised.

Anonymous asked: WHATTTTTT HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BACK???????? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL ON A LONG ASS HIATUS BUT I JUST JOW DISCOVERED TUMBLR ISNT GIVING ME POST NOTIFICATIONS FOR YOU ANYMORE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE IT TURNED ON FOR YOU AND IT WORKS FOR OTHER BLOGS???? WHAT THE HELL. IM GOING INSANE.

This has happened before - but before, I was also removed from Tumblr's search function, which doesn't seem to be the case this time.

Is anyone else having issues with Wertsearch post notifications?

@elkian asked: So has anyone mentioned the godhood joke yet? (The God Tiers costumes have hoods. God Hoods. Badum-tish)

LOL, I did miss that.

Anonymous asked: Fun Homestuck fact! After writing Karkat, someone brought up that the writer of the 'Programming For [Expletive]s' book sounded a lot like Karkat. Andrew responded by telling them to imagine that it was actually written in all caps, basically canonizing that the 'Programming For [Expletive]s' book was written by Karkat. At least, I think that's how that went? ~LOSS (28/2/23)

And it could be any Karkat, too. Maybe one of the Karkats from a doomed timeline actually learned to code from Sollux, and became a famous ~ATH developer.

@morganwick asked: So with conversation 8=8 apparently taking place in the immediate aftermath of Rose destroying her gate (even technically during Descend), and Rose's attitude towards Kanaya in the part of it that we see, does that change how much you think her attitude in their previous conversations reflects her genuine mental state?

Oh yeah, no, I’m pretty sure she was genuinely in a bad mood here. Not really so much because of Kanaya, and I think the anger directed at Kanaya specifically was inauthentic, but the bad mood itself was real. She'd recently been injected with several months of traumatic memories, after all.

@manorinthewoods asked: That panel, of John in Vriska's 'fabulous outfit', is actually pretty neat, because you can see from the proportions how young John really is. He's small, not even fully a teenager yet, and he's been thrown into this chaotic world of humans and trolls, quadrants, violence and danger. Everyone in the game must be scared, in some degree, but none of them ever show it. It makes you wonder just how strong Skaia's children really are. ~LOSS (29/4/23)

Seriously. In what universe are 13-year-olds the people most qualified to make universes? Sburb has some very funny ideas about the optimal way it should be played.

I suppose this is something that had to be true, though, for Homestuck to be the coming-of-age story that Hussie wanted it to be.

Anonymous asked: My interpretation has always been that "the Blind Prophets" are actually just Terezi herself, in a time loop-y/predestined way. She's blind, her class is Seer, AKA prophet, and those are her numerals. Also, on an unrelated note, but to weigh in on your last ask, according to Latin conventions, the plural of lusus is lusus. Does Homestuck follow those conventions? Well…

Or, since there are two Seers in Homestuck, maybe they’re Terezi and Rose. She’s a Light Player, so a blinding would be suitably ironic.

Anonymous asked: re: captchalogue codes and the states of objects: it takes a relatively small change in the physical arrangement of atoms and whatnot to turn a ghost dad poster into, say, a little monsters poster, but the two have a relatively large difference between their conceptual nature. on the other hand, it would take a relatively large rearrangement of atoms to make the slime pogo ride be anything other than a slime pogo ride. perhaps this makes the former change state more easily than the latter? alternatively, maybe the captcha system just knows that all it would really take to make the slime pogo ride stop being covered in oil is soap and water and it's happy to do that on its own, but paper is harder to clean so it wants you to jump through more hoops for that one new question: if john had used his posters for alchemy before he was able to see their defacement, would the resultant objects also be beclowned? evidence seems to suggest that players with unawakened dream selves Will draw on their walls in their sleep and not see it until Ready, so there not being mechanisms in place to deal with that seems less likely than the alternative to me, but especially considering people who aren't them Can see the drawings, how??? would that even??? work??? what would've happened if john had done alchemy with the arms cake. i think it would be funny to see that

I think he’d still get the clown posters.

The kids keep accidentally making magic items, so It's clearly possible for someone to alchemize an object with properties they didn't foresee. Therefore, I think John would make what appears, to him, to be a normal poster - but Rose would still see it as it truly is.

Anonymous asked: any thoughts on what the horrorterrors are? beyond their (admittedly vague) intentions?

I think they’re a sign of the wider cosmology beyond Sburb - and, more specifically, a sign that there is a wider cosmology beyond Sburb.

I don't know if we'll necessarily get more expansion on them than we've already had, because their whole shtick is that they're unknowable. Needless to say, I'd love to be proven wrong.

[celaenaeiln]

What's the deal with fanon Tim bc I read some comics with Tim and I've seen him in cartoons but all I see people talk about is "haha coffee addicted nerd who doesn't sleep!" and that just seems weird and wrong. Like my view of Tim has always been "he's a nice and extremely smart guy who sometimes pushes things a bit too far and maybe a bit set in his own ways/Batman's ways" but now I'm not even sure of that because I really haven't read THAT much (mostly seen him in other series) lol

No you're right!! Anon you're so right!!!

What the heck is up with fanon Tim Drake??

The thing about him not sleeping is actually true though

Detective Comics (2016) Issue #937

Batman: Contagion Issue #11

(I agree with Catwoman, Tim is so cute)

So I understand where the coffee addiction in fanon comes from but Tim's not actually addicted to coffee in the comics. I actually don't recall him mentioning coffee at all. At some point he might have but if he did, then those instances are so little in the grand scheme of things it might as well be called negligible if it's trying to be called an addiction.

But more importantly, Tim is so much more than that!! My favorite Tim Drake aspect of him is how sassy and sarcastic he is, it makes him so endearing!!

UGH NO ONE APPRECIATES HOW MUCH OF A LITTLE SHIT HE IS!!

Robin (1993) Issue #58

CMON CMON CMON LETS TALK MORE ABOUT THIS!!

Tim, you little shit, you know exactly what they say - cause you did it!!

HIS SELF-SATISFIED SMILE!!!

In all honesty I find Tim the funniest of the entire batfamily to read because he's so-he's so wholesomely quirky in a mean way. That's such as awkward way to describe it but reading his comics, you just can't get enough of them because he's just too funny!

At one point he has a massive fever and stuck underground with a bunch of weird kids and one of the girls is just like "please get better, please get some rest!" as she's wiping away his sweat and Tim has like no breath or energy at this point. But with the last remains of will power, he uses his breath to push one last question between lips.

Robin (1993) Issue #70

And as the audience waits in baited anticipation we get this-

Robin (1993) Issue #70

It's actually a very valid question and shows his detective thinking and yada yada yada but THE COMEDIC GOLD OF HIS TIMING!!

Like his situation and his question there's a massive gap that's almost incomprehensible about it all which is why it's so fantastic!!

The way he sasses batman is top 5 fav moments with him.

Azrael: Agent of the Bat Issue #91

Thanks @paladin-of-nerd-fandom65 for finding it again <33

But Tim overall is just like a normal kid. He's what authors tried to do with Stephanie but failed. They were able to make him relatable to the audience because the way he acts, it's so quirky but funny. Yes, he's a boy detective genius but he likes messing with people, he likes solving crime, he likes hanging out with his big brother, he asks for relationship advice, he can get insecure, he can get upset without acting cold, he gets tired, he gets anxious, he's determined, and he's super dorky.

Robin (1993) Issue #25

Like really dorky.

But what I think really defines him is this panel

Robin (1993) Issue #48

This scene is probably what explains him best. Tim is someone who ponders a lot. He thinks constantly all the time whether it's about cases or his personal life, he just goes over the choices he makes constantly because he's just soul-searching alot.

He always means well even if he's awkward about it and he's just a diverse personality overall. The fanon interpretation of his character doesn't really do him any justice because it doesn't address how funny he is or confused or just a likeable, real person in general.

[z3ny44]

Spoilers for Fionna and Cake Finale Double Episode Post

-Alright, episode 9 started of with a scare! That nightmare really seemed real for a second, and Marshall looked like Shoko when she fell into the radioactive river....

Thank god it was a dream honestly, but the main even of this episode... The Lich begging for Golb to acknowledge his achievements, his success in ending all life on his reality, only to be denied of any form of gratification and to be stripped of his own reason and turned into a tetris block...

I really liked this bit, I think Fionna and Cake had the best moments of Lich alongside his speech in the Citadel episode. His expression, his posture, his rage alongside his struggle... How can a character so inherently impossible to kill, be absolutely finished by no more than a look from the one whom he called his scholar.

Also Simon kicked him that's funny,, poor Jerry

And Now, from the 1000+ years Ooo, we get to see Shermy and Beth again! They are vandalizing Gibbon's kingdom, that, in case you don't remember or don't know, he's the son of Charlie (Jake's daughter that played Card Wars)

I really like 1000+ years Ooo. In a way its cozy but at the same time uncanny cuz you really don't know anyone... (I mean Marcy and PB are canonically alive but still they only appear in the Come Along with Me Intro) I wish it was a miniseries itself!!! Simon got TP'd to Shermy's head and still is trying to find a crown. They went to the library which is now ruled by the paper guys, and a robot in a turtle shell? uh,,, okay?

And yeah basically the Scarab is back cuz Ellis P freed them,,, bruh.

-LAST EPISODE FFS PAWN SWAN IS CANON WOOO

Okay but in all seriousness, the episode continued F&C dealing with the Scarab, and they just threw him all the guys that he imprisoned, which shows us what we already had a feeling since he caught Kheirosiphon: the Scarab just caught outlaw, independently if they are good or bad, most of these guys are reformed and have started a new life... he's just so shitty... like, look at these little Big guy :')

Anyways, to get done with the F&C story, basically Prismo tp's the Peppermint tank, alongside with Jay, little Destiny and BABY FINN!! WHICH IS HUGE?! Finn is going to grow up in Fionna's universe, and if the series continues, we might even see a normal world grew up Finn (with grew up I mean like 15, lol) ALSO WE SEE TIFFANY

Simon's side on the other hand,,, jeez I feel like I was synced with Simon in a way that I never really acknowledged Betty's sacrifice... She really did put everything on the side to be with Simon, and for his happiness.... not that it went by unnoticed, but it bugs me to think... what if they did it differently? What if he went on the trip with Betty... I mean to be fair we have the answer... he dies to vampires a couple years after, but how was the time he spent with Betty? What did they change? How did they change and grew even if it did not last forever....

and if you think that this was the part that hit the hardest... buddy..

Yeah,,, I think Betty isn't even there anymore, this was a goodbye... It wasn't explained but I think it was implied that she is gone... That Golb is back to his normal form... i don't know if this will have repercussions in the future? Maybe reform Lich and fuse with him?! I'm just throwing random ideas at this point.

-Final Opinion: This series was amazing, I'm always happy to have more Adventure Time content, it being my main artistic inspiration makes it so much more fantastic to see new characters, places and stories. It was definitely the best mini series so far. The funniest, the most interesting, and the prettiest visually. The epilogue was so heartwarming, Fionna being able to talk with Simon via sms, he's having therapy with Minerva, and PRISMO! Prismo now has the Scarab with him in the Time Room, they are going to make stories together hehe.

(also there was a frame in which prismo's head was flipped? idk if it was an error wtf)

[forevertrueblue]

If you only watch one Nightmare Time episode before Nerdy Prudes Must Die

Watch The Witch in the Web.

I know everyone is saying you should watch Abstinence Camp. And it's great. It's by far the funniest Hatchetfield story, has great social commentary, and - probably the main reason people are suggesting it - has the same lead characters as Nerdy Prudes Must Die.

But the thing about Abstinence Camp is that it doesn't actually provide any necessary information about these characters that Nerdy Prudes Must Die doesn't. The musical contains a cameo/joke about some other characters from Abstinence Camp and a reference to a connection between one of the NPMD leads and a character from another Hatchetfield musical that was revealed in Abstinence Camp. And there's a joke about someone's bathing habits that might give you a chuckle if you watch it during NPMD. But I think that's pretty much it in terms of lore from Abstinence Camp that's not also covered in the musical.

What Abstinence Camp doesn't contain, though, are certain characters who are important in Nerdy Prudes Must Die that mostly haven't appeared in the other Hatchetfield musicals. They play a key role that leads to a HUGE moment for those who have seen Nightmare Time, possibly the biggest in all of the Hatchetfield stories.

As a general rule, the more Hatchetfield content you've seen, the more special it is. But I know watching two full seasons of a webseries can be intimidating and a lot to ask of people, so if you can only watch one, The Witch in the Web is probably your best bet. It contains all of the characters in question and explains a lot of the lore behind them. Other episodes provide a deeper dive on some of these characters individually, but this is the one that provides some level of explanation about all of them.

If you're open to watching all of Nightmare Time before seeing Nerdy Prudes Must Die, I think you should. It's a great series that contains some of the best Hatchetfield stories, what I consider to be StarKid's best song to date, and some cool lore about the town and its inhabitants. But if you can only see one, it's gotta be The Witch in the Web hands down.

[willowisapillow]

🐉 Next Time On South Park Z 🐉

The couple of all time 💝

Here it is, the true (super belated) Valentine’s Day picture. Yet another cringe crossover absolutely nobody asked for yet I deliver because I can. Apologies if I’ve been posting way too much South Park stuff, it’s yet another franchise that I’m currently unhealthily hyper-fixated on. Enjoy some more Randy and Sharon appreciation art from me, because these two dorks are just everything to me <3

This was also made as a small tribute to Akira Toriyama, the creator of Dragon Ball after I found out that he passed away earlier this month on March 1st. Even though I’m a casual fan of the series, still makes me sad that he’s no longer and that we lost another anime/manga legend.

This whole art became a thing based on a phone call between me and one of my older brothers. We were just talking about random dumb stuff and he jokingly asked me to draw Cartman as Naruto and Kyle as Saskue (which is an art project that y’all know damn well I’ll be drawing in the future so look out for that lmao). I just started laughing to myself, but then I thought to myself, “What other anime could I cross over with South Park?” then Dragon Ball popped up in my head all of a sudden, and that’s how this cringefest came to be.

I can kinda see some connections with it, tbh. Both Goku and Randy are dumbass but funny as hell dads (they also have black hair), and both Chichi and Sharon are no-nonsense moms who are often exasperated by their hubbies’ idiotic actions, but do love them deep down and have shared some wholesome cute moments together with them. Both series also feature a lot of fighting and deaths too lol

And since it is the year of the dragon, this pic is pretty fitting :>

I thought I would take forever with this picture because a. I’m total garbage at drawing realistic-ish, non-animal guy characters, and b. I don’t draw side-view faces that much, but surprisingly it wasn’t too hard. I did get kinda lazy with the lower half of Randy’s body and didn’t draw it, but besides that, the whole art was pretty easy. Minus drawing the hands. Because Jesus tap dancing Christ, the hands took me lightyears to get right 🙃

All in all, this might be one of my favorite 2024 pieces of art I’ve drawn so far. Again, these two are special to me, and I finally got the chance to cross over some of my favorite things, cartoons and anime. Maybe I might draw Stan and Wendy as Gohan and Videl in the future as a little follow-up ^^

Also, the mental image of Randy going Super Saiyan is just the funniest shit to me, istg someone needs to make fanart, an animation, or some other sort of meme of that 💀

That’s all that I have for now. Hope you guys have a great day or night, and make sure to stay safe out there.

Farewell, Toriyama. May your memory and legacy live on 😇

[copperbadge]

Would Eddie and Gregory's wedding ceremony have any sort of mini-coronation for Eddie to officially make him King Consort, or would that just be a thing that happens automatically or a document for Gregory to sign, with no ceremony at all? I assume since he's not the king he wouldn't get his own ceremony, but I wonder if he might get a moment for Gregory to give him some sort of crown-like headpiece at their wedding. (I'm anon, so obviously —and in the spirit of this whole book series— this is a free idea if you don't have it in there currently but like it.)

Oh yeah, there is A Plan!

So, Eddie and Gregory have three weddings -- first the hippie non-legal California wedding for Eddie's family, then the small, private ceremony where they sign the ketubah (the Jewish marriage contract) for Gregory's family, then the big public "parade wedding" to satisfy the Shivadh love of pageantry and allow Gregory to leverage a public event for some political ends. The Parade Wedding is much later than the other two and the only one I haven't written yet (it's in October and I'm stuck back in August right now), but the idea is that after the vows there's a small coronation ceremony where Eddie receives his crown as King Theophile.

I'm still working out details, such as who's going to crown him, but it's definitely in my notes when I get that far along in the book. Right now I'm favoring either Gregory (poetic, romantic, but difficult as he's a groom) or their newly adopted daughter Joan (making her feel like a part of things as the very new child in the situation, but also she's a child and Gregory's trying to limit her exposure until she's a little older). I can't deny Jerry would be the funniest option, and as vizier it technically could be his actual facts job. If Jerry does it he's definitely breaking out his fake Evil Goatee from the Eurovision national final again.

I am working on the book, albeit slowly. It's just...big and complicated, and life since late April has also been big and complicated. But the parade wedding is the next big emotional beat, so I'll get there sooner or later!

[noyaetnox]

OCTAVINELLE HEADCANONS:

The series: DIASOMNIA / HEARTSLABYUL / OCTAVINELLE / POMEFIORE / SAVANACLAW

I refer to the trio as bubble guppies (just so you guys know)

- there's a 5050 chance he will confess his feelings. Like I strongly believe it depends on the situation and his mood, but he may just blurt out his feelings or simply not say a word. I guess you'll just have to wait and find out

- since valentine's approaching, let's talk about that 😌

-> you all spend it together no matter what, I really think he's one of those romantic people. He may not seem like it, but he's actually lovely and wants to experience proper love, which in return means a really nice valentine's 10/10

- think all your declarations of love are just a joke at first (it was the only way you could get through his thick skull 😡), untill something major happened and he realized it would've been too far for just a prank and suddenly you all are dating and lovey dovey (references to my Azul fic)

- dates with him are so fun! He brings you to all this great places and you enjoy it so much it's impossible. Most of them are near bodies of water, but not all for sure. That said, they tend to be more scenic. Like, he doesn't really like going to cinemas or places with many people, so they're usually somewhat private and most of the time it's just the two of you (can't say you hate it)

- that said, he will try to bring contracts into your relationship (it's who he is 😔), so expect to receive offers from him which are like:

1. Go on a date this Thursday, in return you will receive a kiss

2. Hold his hand outside, the two of you will have lunch together then

3. 1 kiss = 1 minute of hugging

I don't make the rules 💁 he does

- Azul has this reputation of like, an emotionless contract guy that will destroy your life but he's just so silly goofy. I strongly believe he just has like this thing where he says things in the spur of the moment and it's the funniest thing you've ever heard but nobody ever returns to that and you're just dying (he is very proud of himself, laugh more at his attempts at jokes)

- he doesn't really buy you that many gifts, but he does from time to time and it's the most Doki Doki thing. Like, if he gets you a present it's so thought over and through and you're guaranteed to love so much you want to burst (another ego boost for him)

- you in the other hand, give him stuff all the time. You had some international coins you have collected during your time back in your world, and since they're no use to you (and most of them won't buy you anything because it's like 10-20 cents), you give them to him everytime one of them pops up. His expression is priceless, it's like a child on Christmas Day (expect it's Azul and he is not a child on Christmas Day). Bring him more useless shit and he will treasure (he is secretly a hoarder)

- isn't really into PDA, mostly because it shows a weakness of his, so you just have to sneak kisses and then bolt away because he will chase you (or allow Floyd to chase you, but safely) and you're scared but he's low-key into that so-

- you two might hold hands while walking together, although his get sweaty because he's so nervous from the situation and then he's nervous because he's nervous and his hands are sweating and you won't like and think he's gross and- (let him know it's just his paranoia)

- so many words yet I've written nothing 😮‍💨

- ANYWAY! No late night cuddle sessions because bro sleeps like a log, I'm talking *snore* mimimimi 😐☝️

-> you had attempted sleepovers, but he actually sleeps so you don't do it anymore (not saying sleeping with him isn't nice but just, bro 😮‍💨. Also his sleeping clothes are also silly:

"Oh, but Noya that is inaccurate" SHUT! HE DOES AND I REFUSE TO HEAR ANYONE ELSE OUT

- you take part in his schemes 🤭 Adeuce hate that they can't even count on you because you're on Azul's side(merehehe)

- platonic: you've never felt so taken care of in your life as you do while being friends with the bubble guppies, yet here you are. They ofc you'll do the same when you're dating, but like it's not the same. Similar, but different none the less. Everyone will know you're Azul's friend and that they should keep their distance unless they want a wild Floyd on their tail ☺️

OH! I think he also may be uncomfy around blood. Trey wouldn't handle it, but I feel like Azul will just be visibly uncomfortable and disgusted. He won't pass out, tho... I think

- he's almost perfect but he likes mushrooms 😰 like genuinely is actively searching for them to eat??? Why does he do that?

- expect to suddenly have like half of your diet be mushrooms, of which only like 60% is of known origin and kind. Does he want to poison you? I guess we'll never know 😗🫶

- I have a feeling Jade wouldn't walk with you to school, idk why. It's just like, he doesn't give me the vibes, so you two are not walking to school. That's it.

- he does protect you, tho. And you really have a feeling that he doesn't, because many of the problems you run into are caused by him for his own amusement (which also includes being your knight in shining armor)

"No, the last time I had attempted to cut your finger off with craft scissors was a month ago," bro that doesn't make it better 😰 (fun fact: you probably won't be able to cut off your finger but you can easily cut skin!)

- that said, for the longest time you didn't feel like you two were in a relationship, because almost nothing changed about him. Yes, he gave you kisses and held your hand sometimes, but that was it. It took Azul to tell you that it's because he basically had a crush on you from the start and he doesn't act the way he does around you around anyone else. After that, you started noticing that Azul was telling the truth, and he does in fact act different around you than anyone else. It made you so happy that Jade noticed and he was very confused

- I believe you had to be the one to confess. But the worst part? You didn't know he liked you Bach until that confession. You might be confused if you don't think like me, but I'll try my best to explain. So. What I mean is that Jade did have a crush on you, but he hid it very well (from you at least, since Azul and Floyd noticed right away - which was just because they had known him for years). He was doing that while trying to decide whether to pursue you romantically or not, so it lasted a few weeks. Once he decided that he actually likes you fr and what's to have something special going on with you, he's decided to make a move. Now, he didn't make it obvious, no no no! He started teasing you, and flirting in a way that wasn't straight up, but made you rethink life and become frustrated because he was flirting one second and then the next he was acting like nothing happened? Yeah, no! So once it became too much for you (one day while you guys were hanging out and it happened again) you angrily yelled your confession into his face (you called him a little shit for playing with your heart, and you were so angry in the moment you didn't even care about the answer [in the moment]). He had that smug face as he told you he feels the same way and also likes you, that made you even more angry - basically your first ever kiss was a very angry one initiated by you.

- he doesn't buy you many gifts, not because he's like Azul, but he believes they should be special because if you received a gift everytime you saw each other, you would appreciate them less and less. That's why you only receive mushrooms from him (it's on you what you do with them - he told you [what will you do? Cuz I would throw them out]) regularly. He does bring flowers to dates for you, though, because he heard that it's a human custom, so he tries to appeal to you

- which brings me, the inter-relationship situation would be the best with Jade. Because he's so smart, he spent a lot of time looking into humans, and you're like a cool person so you looked into merfolk once you became friends with the bubble guppies, so it's like very balanced. You communicate well about matters, and it's just so? Nice??? There's still some misunderstandings here and there, but it's definitely very little! (And both of you sometimes forget, since you lived with only your customs for most of your lives, but since the situation is the same, there's the mutual understanding and all is well at the end of the day)

- you quickly become the couple everyone's talking about at NRC (not gonna lie, it feeds your ego as much as it does Jade's, so you two just feel powerful)

- dates with him are usually outside activities, but like calm. Walks, sightseeing (since none of you are from around the NRC location originally), HIKING, and sometimes you swim together. You enjoy them greatly, because Jade just looks so happy, and that's all you care about

- he still pulls pranks on you and treats you like a test subject. But it is slightly less than before and most of them are harmless! Which is good! You don't fear for your life as much anymore

- platonic: would be different from dating. He still would protect you, and do many of the things he does in a relationship. BUT. He will treat you like shit also. It's not the nice balance anymore, you fear for your life. Everyday is a challenge with Jade around and you sometimes question if he actually likes you. He does, since he doesn't necessarily 🙄 want you dead, okay?

- I love Floyd but I have a hard time writing for him, so I want to apologize if it isn't as great 😔

- now, it is no secret Floyd doesn't think much. Not in a "he's stupid" way, but in a "speaks whatever is on his mind" way. If he was in the Saiki K. universe, Saiki would destroy his existence.

-> this causes a lot of problems, both relationship and the normal kind

-> you kind of learn to live with it and his nature, but you're always surprised, still

- I strongly believe he also surprises himself sometimes. Like, he would say something and you would see it on his face, this like flash of surprise at what he said, but the same could be said about his actions.

- he confessed the first. He basically liked you right away, because you were squeezable, and liked the bubble guppies, which was enough for him at the beginning

-> his confession was just him one day talking to his brother, when Jade said something about them going somewhere and Floyd got upset because he didn't want to go and he said something like: "But I can't leave the shrimpy here alone, who would shower them with love?" and he would look at you and go: "I want to be your lover, shrimpy," and you can't say no, because he wasn't asking 🥲

- that is how most of your relationship is. Floyd doesn't ask, he makes orders and commands

- many people are curios about your relationship and keep asking you questions, since it baffled them. When Floyd found out that people were stopping you in his just to ask stupid question, he made it a rule to walk with you down the halls (he did do even before, but not at all times) and you were never approached again 🤌

- the relationship, though, is very fresh but you can never expect what will happen. Floyd has scary mood swings, but you both have made a set rules to follow when it happens. Like if he gets too angry and you're actually scared, you are allowed to simply leave and protect yourself (he will be angry about it in the moment but once he's feeling better he will praise you for acting as you should've have), it is stressful, but you can live with it.

- he remembers the craziest things, especially if it has something to do with you (but also other random things). Your birthday, of course, but even if you two are talking and you just mentioned the tiniest bit of like, your previous life lore EVEN if it's was a mistake because you just blurted something you remembered in the moment, he will remember. "Didn't you say you had a friend who liked this?" "Oh, weren't you 5 the last time you had this?" "Now that was the name of your first pet, this one is: ". And it's scary! How does he have such good memory? I don't know!

- he gets distracted easily, so you have to get used to it

- he does these things... Zoomies. Like dogs? You know when dogs have this burst of energy and they start running and jumping around? Yeah, Floyd does that. He just starts circling you, or runs after someone he was and wants to bully (you're just glad it isn't you, tbh)

- dates with him, though, are very lazy. He does make awesome plans, but you two meet up, he tells you he doesn't feel like it anymore and so you just end up lazing around and cuddling, then he gets angry so he talks to you about his anger, then he gets sleepy so you nap, then he gets excited so he shows you the things he has in his room or at the dorm and then he suddenly wants you to go home

- I promise he actually loves you.

- you guys say "I love you" to each other a lot. Even though some observers will say you overuse the phrase, both of you know that no matter where or how you say it, it holds the same meaning as it does during intimate and weak moments. You guys love each other, why not let the other person know?

- platonic: basically the relationship but without the kisses and "I love you"s. I believe he's a cuddler and a hand holder even without any romantic feelings.

- you two do hang out all the time, though. Like at this point you might as well be living together with how much you're seen with one another. Frequently bought together. If someone invites you somewhere, they have to specify that it's without Floyd otherwise he will show up, same vice versa

- the relationship, though, is very cute and I support it greatly 😌🙏

Not proofread because I was in a rush! I got this great idea for a Lilia fic and I have strated writing it while writing this and my creativity is just chaos right now, anyway I hope you liked it and see you in the next part - Pomefiore!

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Madagascar

So I haven't seen this movie in years, even tho I used to watch it all the time as a kid. And let me tell ya'll.. it's even funnier than I remembered it being! Like seriously, I think they strained any opportunities for humor out of Shark Tale and put it all into this movie, because I honestly think it might even rival Shrek 2 as Dreamworks' best comedy (so far at least).

So what's the story? Marty the zebra, Alex the lion, Gloria the hippo, and Melman the giraffe life at the Central Park Zoo, until Marty has himself a Midlife Crisis and through a series of comedic disasters (involving a certain group of iconic Penguins), lands the squad in the wilds of Madagascar. Chaos ensues and its some of the funniest chaos Dreamworks has had to offer (again so far).

The characters are all great here. There isn't a single one of them I didn't like. Marty is a goofball, who genuinely has some really solid moments of friendship with Alex, who definately has the most Dramatic Conflict in the movie thanks to his carnivorous instincts coming out. Melman and Gloria are also pretty great (I swear, Melman's whole hypocondriact thing got some of the biggest laughs from me), and so are the Penguins (they don't get a lot of screen time, but they shine when they do) and King Julian, who is probably the funniest character in the damn movie, and that's saying something given this cast.

The animation leans into the comedy so well, with a lot of rapid movements and insanely well-timed slapstick. The highly stylized character designs lend themselves well to that too, even if I think there were a few frames where they looked... a little uncanny as a result. The soundtrack is also really solid! A lot less pop songs this time around, but the few that are there fit really well into the story (I Like to Move It Move It is a certified Bop by the way, fucking fight me).

The story itself works really well. It's simple, tightly focused on developing its characters, and that's really what I like to see! It really hones in on the friendship between Marty and Alex especially, and the dynamic they have is a really fun one to watch play out. There were a few moments of actually compelling drama too, especially heading into the third act.

Something interesting about this movie is that I think its the first Dreamworks movie to not really have any actuall villain? I mean sure, there's the fossa, but they're not really characters, more just an obstacle that needs to be taken care of in the final climax above all else. Instead, the plot is driven by conflict between the main characters, something that I think is really fresh for a Dreamworks movie. It's also, aside from Prince of Egypt, the second Dreamworks movie to not be driven by a "because woman" plot, so that also shakes their usual formula up really nicely.

As a whole, Madacasgar is great! I'm very surprised its not more ingrained into meme culture, because it has the kind of humor that I think really appeals to everyone. Check it out if you haven't, cause its a very solid start to the second of Dreamworks many, many ongoing series.

Overall Rating: 8/10

Verdict: Eat Ass Everyday

Previous Review (Shark Tale)

Next Review (Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit)

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Since Hollywood is on strike (take down the greedy studio bastards!) and I saw a post calling people to check out non-American media - let's start a rec list!

as far as I know these are on Netflix (I don't have any other streaming subscriptions at the moment so I can't rec anything from the others) and might be available online *elsewhere* with a little internet magic.

La casa de papel (also known as Money Heist) A group of criminals are robbing the Spanish Mint - chaos ensues. I think everyone and their grandmother has seen this by now but still. I loved this show - I stayed up until stupid o'clock because i HAD to know what was going to happen next and how they were going to get out of the shit they'd gotten themselves into. 5 seasons. La casa de las flores (also known as House of flowers) Think telenovelas/soap operas. It's unhinged, it's funny, it's a little queer (mlm and wlw). Long lost children, affairs, Big Family Secrets, drag queens - what more could you ask for?? 3 seasons, a special episode (la case de las flores el funeral), and a film (la casa de las flores la pelicula)

Anne+ (film + 1 of 2 seasons tv show - it originated as a webseries so the episodes are pretty short but Netflix deleted the second season) The life and loves of Anne - a queer millennial living in Amsterdam.

Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga Queer (wlw) Bollywood film. A friend recced it to me once. I had never watched a Bollywood film in my life, didn't know anything about the genre, but still enjoyed it. It's a drama. Don't go into this thinking it's the Hindi version of the L word though or you will be disappointed.

Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan Another queer (mlm) bollywood film my friend recced me. It's a little more "blatant" than the one I mentioned before (this one is from 2020, the other 2019) and it's more of a comedy This one is not on Netlfix - it used to be on Amazon prime but I don't know if it still is. I found it *elsewhere* though with better subtitles than on amazon.

Kalifat This is a Swedish show about a young girl getting pulled into the world of extremist Islam, a young mother who already is in the kalifat (and wants to leave) and a (female) journalist trying to help her. It's intense but really good - and kind of scary how easy it is fall down an extremist internet rabbit hole.

Meskina Dutch romantic comedy about a Dutch/Moroccan woman in her 30s who is still single and her family play matchmaker. Featuring one of the funniest women in the Netherlands (Soundos el Ahmadi - who is also a stand up comedian and her shows are on netflix too)

Isi & Ossi German romantic comedy film about a rich girl who wants to go to culinary school but her father won't let her, so she pretends to be in a relationship with a poor guy who is also a boxer to piss off her parents.

Family business Completely unhinged French comedy series about a guy who turns his family's butchershop into a shop that sells weed - because he heard weed was about to be legalised in France. Really funny - 3 seasons.

Lupin French crime/heist show - but from the POV of the thief. Based on/inspired by the Arsène Lupin books. With Omar Sy. IT'S SO GOOD! 2 seasons, season 3 coming in October.

Dirty Lines Dutch (kind of) comedy about a woman who takes a job at a sex phone line.

reblog and add your own!

[iwillrememberyoumarathon]

Bangel fans, we want to hear from you! During the run-up to the IWRY Fic Marathon in November, we’ll be getting to know each other through our Meet the Fandom series. Answer the questions here to join in.

What is your name?

aboutafox

Where do you hang out?

Tumblr: @aboutafox, Discord, AO3 - I have the same username everywhere.

Do you create any fan works?

I started with LJ icons way back when, I sometimes make gifs, but mostly I write fic

Funniest Bangel/Buffyverse moment?

Wesley's return as a rogue demon hunter

What Buffyverse opinion would have you chased through the village with pitchforks?

Buffy's and Faith's relationship is kinda boring. Faith and Angel on the other hand…the AI team should have kept Faith in LA. She fits right in.

Share a headcanon you have about Bangel or the Buffyverse?

Angel has serious middle son energy and his older brother died a useless (or preventable) death. TBC or getting run over by a carriage.

How would you have given Buffy and Angel their Happily Ever After?

I already wrote it. As far as I'm concerned Far From Home is canon.

Last fic you read?

Wherever You Stray I'll Follow by @calenlily. Which is exceptional and I should have read sooner.

Slay, Lay, Obey: Halloween Edition - Ethan Rayne, Gachnar, Lorne with his sleep removed?

Slay: Gachnar. He might make me his Queen of Nightmares, but I’m shallow. I can’t deal with that tiny skinless face

Lay: Ethan Rayne. At least he’s human 🙈 And he might have learned a trick or two in London with the Ripper

Obey: Lorne without his sleep. Angel couldn’t stop him, so what chance do I have? I’ll just hide and hope ambien returns him to his gentle self

Fill in the quiz so the fandom can meet you!

[dalarans]

midnight rain

rating: explicit pairing: astarion x f!dark urge tags: semi-public sex, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, bloodplay, named dark urge, vampire spawn astarion

the first part in my mini series that includes missing scenes from my fic: shall we renounce.

read on ao3 or down below

↓↓↓

1492 Uktar 18th

“You’re buying.”

“Oh, no no no, sweetheart. I’m only here to look pretty. You’re the one who’s holding all the coin.”

She laughs, a melodic sound that reminds him that she’s very much his anchor point. The one soul keeping him afloat. His reason for being more than he ever thought possible.

They’re very much drenched from the uncalled for rain, ruining their nightly adventures. Usually they would press themselves into the thick of a forest, hoping for the canopy to save them from the downpour. Tonight, they were lucky enough to be within the vicinity of an offshore inn. A dazzling beacon that promised warmth and other luxuries. A joke really, when the inn was hardly worth a silver in their pocket.

“I’m only holding the coin because you refuse too,” Gurona reminds him, blinking her long lashes up at him. “I recall something or other about how you’ll pilfer it but you won’t be carrying it, lest your back ache for more than an hour.”

He returns with his own light-hearted smile, leaning closer so she knows it is all just for her. “You want me in my best shape, don’t you? Better to ruin you with later.”

She laughs again, much louder, impressively drawing the attention from a neighboring table. “That’s the funniest excuse you’ve used to date.” She tries in vain to mimic his tone, “‘Darling, I can’t carry all these gold pieces because I’ll throw out my back. Wouldn’t you much rather I throw out my back when we’re having much more fun in private?’” She tacks on a wink at the end.

“Do I sound like that? I don’t sound like that.”

“You do,” she reaches across the table to run a finger gently down his own. “And it works on me every time.”

“I’m only ever being very considerate of you, darling. Wouldn’t want anything to interrupt our nightly rituals. I do know how much you adore them.”

“I won’t contest that,” she grins. “You’ve made your point.”

They could easily toss the coins in their pockets back and forth until their fingers grow numb and they grow bored. Complain as she will, she happily carries the coin, and keeps track of every piece far better than he might manage. He’s joked that in another life she might have been a banker with how closely she monitors their spending.

“Fine, I’m buying.” In truth, both were buying. The moment they set out on adventures alone together, there was no more splitting of the loot. Whatever was his was very much hers, and vice versa. “What is it that you want? Doubt your favorite is on offer.”

A lively tavern on a main road just a day’s ride from Baldur’s Gate? No, blood would not find itself on the menu. He would have to indulge later on his very fine, very delicious treat that lives at his side. He casts a glance to her neck in thought, the desire rising firmly in his chest.

“Their most exquisite wine. Something heavy, and sharp.”

She gives him one of her most precious smiles, and his lifeless body comes alive in response. There’s a near echo of a heartbeat in his chest, a flush of movement in his veins. In her presence, he often forgets the feeling of undeath. Her own vitality so strong and euphonious, and when it courses through his veins alone, he swears he’s alive again. Truly alive.

She abandons him to head to the bar for their drinks. He knows she won’t be long but still every moment they’re apart is more than agonizing. He glances about the room, the dull lighting doing the other patrons no favors. No face is alike, and all seem drawn into spirited conversations, voices surprisingly loud at this hour.

He wants to dally around the room, slipping past the backs of distracted patrons. A hand in a few pockets would do no harm. There’s a golden dragonborn loudly cheering, with clashing mugs of ale to their other party. He sees the coin purse on their hip, calling out to him. It looks rather full too, likely flush with over a hundred gold pieces. How was Astarion meant to resist his nature, even here? Surely Gurona wouldn’t mind…

He sucks in a breath, silently contemplating. So many targets around, with too much coin on their person. He would be freeing them in a way— alleviating the burden of having too much on hand. Really, they ought to thank him for the very considerate thought.

“Don’t do it,” he hears whispered in his head. He turns back to the bar where Gurona stands, her dark hair tossed over her shoulder. She’s staring directly at him.

“Do what?” He replies innocently, knowing his own whispered words would return for her alone. They’ve played at this before, in rooms more crowded than this. Private words, of secrets, of flirtations, and more, first borne when they were the tadpole’s playthings. A bit of nostalgia on their part that they still played small mind tricks with one another, thanks to Gurona’s fondness for telepathic messages.

“Astarion, if you start robbing people, we’ll have to run."

“I’ve done nothing of that sort!” He pretends at being offended by the very notion, but she knows him quite well by now. There was no point in hiding anything from her. She always managed to weasel the truth right out of him.

“If you don’t let me have one measly drink before we’re kicked out, you’re never going to hear the end of it.” She sends another message, that copper wiring glinting in her hands.

He doesn’t want her to catch his smile. He turns from her to face the table, pressing his empty hands to the lacquered wood. He sends his reply. “Just one coin purse, plucked from the loudest idiot in the room. Please?”

Astarion waits for the reply, of what he expects will be exasperation. Nothing else comes through, and when he glances over towards her, he sees she’s focused on another task entirely. Her familiar is a different story, hopping her way towards the idiot in question. He can’t withhold his grin. Ah, she knows me so well.

Princess Lollihops always does her due diligence. Her favored position as distraction extraordinaire works to their advantage most of the time. A small frog hopping listlessly in a room full of drunkards? Well, the odds of an accident are fairly high, much to Astarion’s delight. She only needs to position herself just right and—

“What the hells!” Princess Lollihops manages a leap onto the table, knocking over the dragonborn’s drink. “You little nitwitted frog! C’mere!” The dragonborn leaps forward to take the frog into their clutches, but Astarion’s much quicker on his feet. He slides next to the table, arms open for Princess Lollihops to hop into safety.

“Apologies, she gets a bit rambunctious in small spaces.” He keeps his eyes level, angling his body towards the exact object he wishes to take. “Claustrophobic,” he adds with a whisper.

The dragonborn does not take it lightly. Their nostrils flare, puffs of smoke rising, eyes burning with unspent fire. “You keep your little pet on a leash, or you’ll be picking up its little green pieces off the floor!”

Astarion gives a most favorable smile, shrinking backwards with a bowed head. “Of course, we’ll be much more careful, won’t we, princess?" The frog ribbits in reply.

The dragonborn looks at them both in disgust before turning away, and Astarion seizes his moment, freeing the idiot of their precious coin that hangs so loosely. He gives a little show to any patrons that still watch him, looking on with shame at Princess Lollihops. He doesn’t care if anyone buys it or not, most do not dare to look any closer. No one truly cares, thank the gods.

He slips back to the table and releases the frog onto the table. She looks at him with more intelligence than he expects from an amphibian her size. There’s a passing acknowledgement, and he can’t contain his joy when Gurona returns to the table, two fine glasses of wine in hand.

“Happy, are you?”

He enjoys the heavy weight of fresh coin in his pocket. Even better when pilfered from those who never deserved it in the first place. He looks at his love with an impish smile. “Better now that you’re here, and with drinks too.”

“Don’t get too excited. There was no Thayan Red on hand. I asked.” She carefully slides his drink over to him. He glances down at the swirling red. “Esmelter Red was all they had on offer.”

He makes a sound of disappointment. “Gods, who drinks this swill?” He tilts the cup and watches the liquid swish towards him. He can smell the dissatisfaction.

“Us apparently.” She takes her glass in hand and raises it to his own with a gentle tap. She takes a long sip before saying, “And I’ve more bad news.”

“Wonderful,” he replies, trying the wine after he notes her distinctive wince at the taste. The flat sourness that coats his tongue is nearly gag worthy. “Let’s hear it.”

“They’ve no rooms left. Apparently every soul in this place beat us to it.” She exhales with a frown, lifting the wine to her lips once again.

“Well, we’re no stranger to unpleasant circumstances. As long as they don’t kick us out into the dreary night, I have plenty of ideas to keep us entertained.” He scoots his chair closer to hers, his eyes sweeping across the bareness of her neck.

She leans in closer to him, her whole demeanor softening. She looks quite enchanting in the low lights, her color warming to a muted plum. He wants to decorate that very skin in discernable marks left by him, so all might know who’s claimed her.

“Entertainment of what variety?”

He’s still staring quite fondly. “Oh, I think you know, pet."

She more purposely arches her neck, allowing her black hair to spill off her shoulder, exposing a more indecent amount of skin. The sound of her blood is a symphony beneath her skin, enthralling him. He wants but a taste— no, he needs it. The crawling desire is settled in his empty stomach, and the wine only serves to make him more desperate.

He forces himself to take another sip, anything that might dull his senses. It’s only a quarter to midnight, and now they’ll have no room of their own to properly settle their affairs. He’d have to be patient, and patience was not a virtue that he managed well at all.

“Cruel of you, darling, to tempt me here.” His lips are still pressed to the glass as he tears his gaze away from her neck. “Bad wine and a withheld treat. The gods truly live to punish me.”

She giggles, finishing off the last of her wine. She’s wasted no time, rushing headfirst into the dizzying glamor of inebriation. “Don’t be so dramatic. You’ll get your fix.”

“Maybe, when I’ve wilted into a decimated corpse beyond any sort of revivify.”

“I would never allow such a thing.” She says it with such determination, as if the thought of his untimely passing was an impossibility. “Now, tell me about this little,” she lowers her voice, “coin pouch you’ve taken.”

He glances around to see if any that remain on the main floor care much for the rare couple that’s stumbled in from the rain, their hair only having begun to just dry. No one catches his eye. Most, if not all, continue with their drinking. Some even manage some bare bones food at this hour. But not a soul watches them.

The coin purse is carefully placed between them, both of their bodies hunched forward to block it from view. He pulls it open, gently spilling it onto the table. “Quite impressive, hm?”

Gurona gasps, a lone gem mixed in with the gold. The light pink reminds him of the flesh of a fresh fruit. “Rhodochrosite!” She holds it gently between her fingers. “Reminds me of our favorite tiefling.”

“Is it expensive?”

She rolls it between her fingers before adding it back to the pile. “Not particularly, but it is pretty. I would keep a collection if I could, had we somewhere to rest our heads for more than a tenday.”

He plucks it for himself, to examine it closer. “Keep it then.” He sets it down and pushes it to her. “You never know, darling.”

She looks at him with sweet deference before taking the small gem and adding it to one of the pouches in her pack. The one she thinks he doesn’t know about where she collects all manner of interesting trinkets.

“Now let’s see how lucky we’ve gotten,” he says, pushing more of the coin towards her, an encouragement to count. She’s faster than him, eyes scanning across the gold with intent. It takes her under a minute.

“One hundred and ninety,” she says, tapping her nails to the table. “You really do know how to pick them.”

He arches a brow with a wicked “I knew I was feeling rather lucky, in more ways than one.”

She elbows him and he nearly spills his drink. “Play your cards right and you’ll be the luckiest man in the whole tavern.” Her endless optimism is felt from the lightest of her touches. “You were saying something earlier about entertainment, yes? Well, the night is still young, Astarion, and I’m more than eager to be entirely entertained.”

“Fine, but first, another round.”

She stands rather dramatically, the alcohol already turning her more sprightly. He’s mildly amused, watching her swish her dress, leaning down to kiss his cheek, before heading back to the bar. He feels rather mindless watching her go, letting his eyes linger on her lower back, somewhat grateful that she’d chosen a dress that hugged tightly to every curve.

She takes her time, leaning herself against the front edge of the bar, allowing him the perfect angle to see all the very best parts of her. He stares sinfully from afar, wishing for a more heady vintage in hand. He might sit here and admire her for a decade, allowing the world to fall away, and she to be the very moon that guides him every night.

Most patrons begin their retreat to their rooms as it slips past midnight. He eyes them in his peripherals; so many quite unsteady on their feet. They’ll sleep comfortably in their inexpensive beds, with dreams come morning. They leave the main room with a pacifying silence. A small price to pay to have his lover all to himself.

“Drink up,” Gurona says when she returns to the table. “Think we’re both going to need it.”

He takes the drink, holding it aloft, and swirling it around. “If we aimed to be drunk, there were far easier ways.”

She shrugs, scooting her chair closer until it bumps into his. She shifts in her seat so she can rest her legs on his thigh. “You don’t have to drink at all. I’m drinking, though. And you can have a proper taste later.” She leans her chin onto his shoulder, blinking up at him. “Tell me, what does my blood taste like after a drink? Is it…”

“Intoxicating,” he supplies, with a dreamy sigh. “Hot. Like sipping fire. The good kind, where you’re more than eager to spill it further down your throat. I can feel it, racing through my body. The drunken haze.”

“The more I drink the better then?” She perks up, lifting her head to take another sip of her wine. Her eyes never leave his own.

“You know I enjoy you in any state.”

“So long as you're having a good time.”

“I’m always having a good time when I’m with you.”

They both stare a little too long, lingering glances that spread all sorts of warmth throughout his body. She presses her teeth to her lower lip, shifting herself against him. She’s always been rather hot-blooded but tonight she feels especially scalding. He can’t wait to let his hands wander beneath her dress, and feel the softness of her.

“It’s not fair we don’t have a room,” she pouts. “What kind of shit inn is this place? Is this why we’ve never stopped in before?”

He laughs, his right arm curling around her waist to hold her steady against him. “The only kind we can afford, love.”

“Think if I told them all how we saved the Sword Coast from a mindflayer invasion they’ll let us sleep in one of the closets?”

He glances at the barkeep that’s wiping down the bar, and fighting a yawn. He knows these people wouldn’t care. They didn’t care when they entered, and they wouldn’t care when they left. “Not even a bed?”

She pouts, “Not even a bed.”

Astarion can see it in her eyes, the rumination of an idea. The bits of candlelight that remain cast most of the room in shadow, and it’s almost easy to forget that there’s anyone at all left in the world but them. When he watches her, he feels almost like a ravenous beast stalking its prey, dangerous and oh so hungry. He wants to wear the delicate skin of her neck and drink her in. He wants to let his tongue run along every inch of her body, taste the fragility, the sweat, the aromatic desire.

“I noticed a stable outback,” she says, her voice catching on an unvoiced thought. “The door’s right by the kitchens.”

He looks at her expectantly. “And?”

She looks past him, to the vacant door, another indiscriminate sip of her wine. “Upstairs there’s an empty closet. Close quarters. Hardly any space at all. There’s the washroom, though it isn’t especially immaculate, still an option though, if we’re especially quiet.”

He looks at her more curiously, trying to follow every stream of thought as it slips through her lips. Her legs curl tighter along his thigh, and her measured heartbeats become even more pronounced.

She continues, “Even right here. At this hour, the barkeep will slip into the kitchens for a break. There’s no waitress. No other authority that’s made an appearance. Two by the bar still drinking, but they’ll be on their way out in under an hour at their intoxication level.”

“What in the hells are you going on about?” He murmurs, curling his fingers through her hair. He pulls her full attention back to him, an intimation of a smile across her lips.

“What do you think I’m talking about?” She arches her brow casually.

He knows. He’s always known. He only wants her to speak her desires aloud, so that he might render them real.

His grip on her tightens, and leaves no room for suggestion at all. He leans into her neck, pressing the lightest of kisses along her flushed skin. He’s gentle, for now. Sweet and innocent kisses that curl up her soft flesh to her jaw, where he nips lightly at the skin.

“I want you to say what it is you want, love. Out loud.”

She brandishes a subdued smile, flicking her tongue between her teeth. “Come now, really need me to spell it out for you?”

“Not a mindreader anymore,” he smirks, moving to the otherside of her neck. He lets her think about it, with another set of slow and steady pecks. “Need to hear what it is exactly that you want. Don’t waste time now, darling.”

She squirms beside him, one hand moving across his chest, and stilling above his dead heart. Resistant as ever, she means to try both of their patience. He’ll have to play dirty.

“I’m only thinking of ways we might entertain one another. Your idea, of course.” He nods intently, listening. He dips his fingers beneath her dress, lightly running his fingers against her leg. “Doing us a favor by finding places of privacy. You know. Just in case.”

“In case of what?” He draws lazy shapes across her legs, listening to the sharpness of her breath, and the gentle thudding of her beating heart.

She attempts to shrug, just as he moves his hand further up her leg. He rests his hand on her thigh, his fingers slightly digging in. “In case our deck of cards aren’t enough, and we grow bored of our books. Or—” His hand slips between her thighs, to the sanctuary of warmth that calls to him. He curls his fingers gently against her underwear, enough that her next word catches in her throat.

“You know, if you want something, you only have to ask,” he says rather brazenly, allowing his voice to rise an octave. Let him draw the eyes of those who remain if he must. He doesn’t mind a good show.

“I am. I’m asking.”

It’s not nearly enough. He wants to hear her say it. He clicks his tongue against his teeth, increasing the pressure of his fingers against her cunt. “Are you asking? I haven’t heard one question uttered from your lips.”

She leans into his touch, her hips lifting with urgency. “Don’t make me beg, Astarion.” His pressure does not relent. He wants her to be brave enough to make her demands. He’s always been the initiator. It was time for her to take the reins. “Please.”

“I can give you anything your pretty little heart desires,” he says, leaning in to kiss her shoulder blade. His fingers move upwards to slip past the inconvenient cloth, and feel her flesh against him. “But I want to hear you ask for it.”

When his finger slides against her, she trembles in response, the inescapable moan at her lips. She looks at him with wild eyes, drunk on lust. She hardly manages the words he longs for, but she tries all the same. “I want you, ripping me open, drinking until you’re satisfied.” He slips his index finger inside her slick heat, urging her to continue. “I-I want you to take me. Ravage me.” Another finger slips in to curl along her inner walls. “Have your way with me until we’re both bloody and spent.”

He’s impressed and so very pleased. He wants to reward her for her efforts. Give her everything she asks for. His hand remains in the comfort of her cunt, moving with a calculated slowness. “My sweet, there’s nothing more that I want than to make you mine. Here. Tonight.”

“Astarion,” she whispers with shaky breath, twitching against him, thighs tightening around his hand. “Please.”

He would gladly take her here and now, strangers be damned. He could bend her over the table, push the edges of her dress to her waist, tug her panties down her thighs just enough to expose her. He would take her, fill her up, and enjoy her pleasure on full display. The thought alone leaves him hard.

“Since you asked so sweetly,” Astarion says before sliding his free hand against her spine, tugging her closer, his other hand still inside her. He pulls her in for a kiss, one that might show her all his intentions. There’s hardly anything innocent about them, and even less so in their kiss. She’s eager against him, desperate. Squirming with every pent up desire.

He pulls away first, finally freeing his fingers from the heat of her cunt. “Come now, darling. I believe that back door is calling for us.” He helps her detangle herself, the slowness of her body visible in her stilted movement. Her trembling is almost indiscernible, and it matches the pounding of her heart. He takes her hand in his own to keep her steady and leads her to the door.

It’s easy enough to slip past the quiet patrons that remain. The door beckons them forward, and the only thing that might stop them is an overly concerned employee. Thankfully at this hour, no one is interested in their antics. He pushes the door open— unlocked, how lucky— and they retreat from the cloying warmth of the inn to the chilly night rain that settles into the air.

The stables are pressed against the back of the inn, illuminated by a lone lantern that hangs at the tail end, bristling in the light winds. Astarion hardly cares for anything at all other than Gurona. She’s his very first thought, and his last, with nothing but shared pleasure in between.

He considers pulling her further in, past the doors and into one of the open pens. It’s quiet, and he senses no manner of mount within. The smell alone is unflattering and he can only guess at the state of the stables themselves under sunlight. No, he would have her here, in the confined space of himself and the door. He tries to forget his surroundings and focus on the matter at hand. Releasing Gurona’s hand, he moves his body against her own, pressing her into the closed door.

“Feeling adventurous, darling?” Astarion leans his body into hers so he might feel every little breath, and every heartbeat more properly.

“You mean to keep me here?” She asks curiously, wiggling her body against his. “Trapped between you and a door? A door that can open at any given moment.”

“We’ve managed in tougher spots than these.”

She laughs, “Anything to make it interesting.”

He moves in to kiss her, with more effort than before. She sighs against him, while his hands find the swell of her ass, allowing her to more easily lift herself into him. Every small sound sends a shiver down his spine. Every kiss a silent song.

This is no graveyard, no guarded residence, no empty forest. Anyone might interrupt them at any moment. Any stranger might ruin their fun. It meant that he could not waste his time letting his fingers dance against the ticklish spots of her skin, or kiss her until she’s breathless and dizzy. Their own inability to keep their hands off one another led them to this predicament time and time again. It was a wonder it never got any easier, though they often did grow more creative.

“Have your damned familiar watch the door,” he murmurs as he gives her a moment to catch her breath, though his hands don’t remain so idle. They rise to her hips and along every curve. “And do away with these clothes so I can touch you properly.”

She presses her mouth to his ear. “And I thought I was the eager one.”

Her dress is an unmanageable nightmare, and he grows impatient when he steps back to give her a little room. It would be easier to tear it free from her body, and worry about fixing it later. His sewing skills were forgiving enough, and then he could properly lavish upon her with each quiet moment he still has.

“You’re being deliberately slow,” he complains as she tries to free herself, her breasts spilling out the top of the dress.

She laughs again with purpose, letting the back of her head rest against the door, her chest thrust outward as she manages to free her arms from the sleeves of her dress. She’s swaying lightly, continuous wriggles as she tries to take off the constricting garment.

“You try wearing something this suffocating and see how well you manage.”

He’s already pulled his tunic off, just as the dress rests on her hips, her upper half exposed and ripe. He won’t wait any longer. He crushes himself against her once again, a sound of surprise escaping her lips. His hands tug at the dress, hard enough to tear, sliding it down the rest of her body.

He doesn’t give her a moment to protest. His lips find her own once again, his tongue delivered right to her own. He tastes the sourness of the wine so heavy on her tongue, and somehow it tastes faintly better in her mouth. She’s smiling against him, her hand moving to the front of his trousers, palming his hardened cock.

“We’re going to make a lot of noise,” she says, rather matter-of-factly.

“Let them hear us then.”

She slips her hand beneath the waistband of his trousers, just as he spends every second thereafter kissing down her throat. He bites down to hide his groan, a gentle crest of his teeth against the stuttering flesh of her neck. She’s wrapped her hand around his aching cock, her skin seering into his own.

“Taste me,” she says, making her quiet demands. She would not have to ask him twice.

He sinks his teeth into her, the moan far louder than he anticipates. She arches into him, her own grip on him growing more firm. The rush of blood that meets his lips is just as intoxicating as he’s envisioned. It hardly mattered that she’d consumed the lowest of spirits, her blood was booming with unspent magic and bruising toxicity. It was more than delicious— it would drive him to the brink of madness in a matter of seconds.

Being careful was never his strong suit. When he dares to taste the sun, he would only grow drunk on its warmth. The blood pulls and pulls into his mouth, vibrant and thick, spilling messily down her neck and onto her breasts. She becomes the most bloody, decorative piece of art he is lucky enough to touch and taste.

“There is nothing better than you, my love.” He runs his tongue slowly across her collarbones, trying to catch every line of blood. He wouldn’t let any of it go to waste. “No beast nor mortal could taste as sweet."

She hums with contentment, her hand lazily warming his cock. “And I’m yours and yours alone.”

Mine, he smirks, coating his mouth in her sweet, warm ichor. No one else could satisfy her, no other could love her, not as he did. He lifts his head and asks softly, "Too much?" He wanted her light on her feet but not unconscious.

“Not enough,” she moans, leaning forward this time to kiss the blood off his lips. He can feel the wooziness of her body, the pounding of her heart.

One hand returns to her waist, to guide her hips into his own, while the other slides up to her sticky breast, now colored in deep crimson. He squeezes with intent, wishing to draw out more and more sounds of desperation. She’s pulled her hands free, moving them to the scars of his back, running light patterns across his skin.

He breaks the kiss, her light pants and swaying body moving him to quickness. He knows she’s beyond ready for him to take her now, he can smell it seeping from her pores. The carnal desire. The irrefutable lust. He can taste it too, when he sinks down to her breasts, allowing his tongue to deliver her closer and closer to the precipice of total demise. The heavenly bliss of her blood and her taut nipples has his trousers feeling impossibly tight. He tries to focus on her breasts, licking and sucking at every inch that flushes against his touch.

“Astarion, if you do not take me right now, I-I’ll…” She’s stumbling over her words, his hands moving to her underwear to help them properly down her legs. “I’ll burn this building to the ground.”

“Mhm,” he smiles, stepping back to regard her naked body. Every part is mesmerizing, and if given the time, he might worship it in intrinsic, vocal prayer. “And what else?”

“Set fire to this world.”

“Quite the burning on your mind, darling.” He slides his hand up her sternum, between her breasts, and resting at the apex of her throat. Gentle but resolved. “What else might you do to have me buried deep inside you?"

Her long lashes blink with deference, her lips parting with impatience. “Anything. Anything you want. I’m yours. You know I’m yours.”

Once this was just sex; a co-mingling of bodies meant to service desire only. Now he looks at her with pure affection and adoration, and he sees in her eyes, the shimmer of love, the pronouncement of devotion. She wants every part of him, and for more than his provided service. She was his in every way that he was hers, and he would show her the truth of it by giving her an earth-shattering orgasm or two.

He kisses her again until he’s freed of his clothes, both of them stark naked in the dull temperatures of the early, early morning. Astarion pushes her more purposefully into the door, to allow him more room. He runs his left hand along the curve of her ass, and lower, nudging her thigh. She lifts her leg, while trying to steady herself against him and the door. He keeps one hand beneath her thigh until he’s properly nudged himself between her legs.

“Comfortable, darling?” He coos, saddling himself closer, one hand guiding his cock to her entrance, teasing himself against her folds, his precum coloring her skin.

She replies in a hushed whisper, her eyes fixated on the closeness of their bodies, “I will be once you break me open against this door.”

He chuckles, leaning forward to lick the sacred wound on her neck. One small taste shoots immediate heat to his groin. “I’ll do that and more if you ask it of me.”

“I’m asking nicely,” she replies, her hips arching more desperately against his own. “Please.”

Both of them are straining against one another, the sounds of rain growing more prominent against the dreadful roofing above their heads. He drags his eyes to hers, so he can watch the moment he slips inside her, the low inhale as her body urges him closer. Her eyes are dazzling, near sparkling in the shadowy light. He sinks himself into her completely, enjoying the weakened sounds that dance from her lips.

It’s torturous enough to have waited this long to have his way with her, and now that he’s flush inside her, the savagery that lives within him stirs awake. They weren’t here to slowly make love until the sun crested over the mourning trees. He had to fuck her with purpose, with precise conviction.

“Oh, fuck,” she cries when he slowly pulls out, just so she might remember every inch taking her over when he slides back in. He grins, moving in to pinch her nipple hard.

“Is that all you have to say, darling?” He bucks his hips up into her own with more viciousness. The door groans meekly against the small exertion. “I want to hear all your pretty little words.”

He starts painstakingly slow, to build her sense of urgency, and to keep their sounds to a minimum. He even thinks he can keep it up, if just to satisfy their every need, and have her to beg in the process.

“You know what I like, so give it to me.” She demands, one hand pressed against his chest, soft even as she gently curls her nails.

Savoring her was a sport he was well versed in, but he knew better than to play that game now. He’s delighted by her demanding tone, and peppers her shoulders in kisses as he begins a more steady pace. His hips crushed against hers, her quickened breath tickling against his ear. He kisses and kisses until he’s feeling powerless to her scent, and leaves marked bites that nearly break the skin again.

His thrusts are nearly unstoppable. He abandons his mild-mannered slowness. He lifts her leg higher, until he’s hooked it over his shoulder, leaving her devastating beauty open and ready to be devoured. There’s no room at all left for breathing, his body’s nearly melded with her own. Her aching heat is tight around him, and even he can no longer stifle the moans that urge from his throat, as he slides deeper and deeper.

“The gods sent you right to me,” he groans, kissing and biting every piece of skin he can reach with his mouth. “My perfect little treat.”

“Devour me, then,” she whines, her hips slamming with steady repetition against the door. She’s taking him so well, and he ought to offer her more, if only they had all the time in the world.

He knows the telltale signs of her slipping beyond the edges of control. Sweat pulls at neck, her body trembles against his frenzied thrusts, her body curls that much tighter around him. She’s a lit firework ready to set ablaze his world with dazzling sounds and sparkling radiance.

Astarion knows what she likes and he does it well. With more invigoration, he slams the whole of her body against the door with his weight, raising his hips so his cock slides hastily against the most sensitive spot between her legs. She cries his name louder than he anticipates, the pleasure coursing through his warm veins— his body full of her and her alone.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop! I-I—” Her words are hardly audible now against the incessant banging of the door, their bodies loud enough to rival the heavy rain.

“Don’t go quiet now, love. I love all your sweet little sounds."

The first orgasm that overtakes her rattles her small frame, and she digs her nails into his skin, nearly ripping his flesh open. His name is the only song on her lips and her body follows its melody with perfection. He moves his mouth to hers so he might drink in the sound, and taste all her pleasure. He’s soon to follow after, but not until she flies off the edge again and again.

One hand moves to her clit while she’s barely hanging on, her eyes half-lidded, her lips parted in ecstasy. He fills her with every inch of his cock, leaving nothing left to be desired. He moves with spirited diligence, allowing the pressure to be unrivaled.

Her voice hitches as his tongue slides against her own, his fingers still concentrated on her clit. When the second orgasm hits her, she can hardly hold her weight up any longer. Her parted legs shudder with exultation, his own primal desires ready to send him off the cliff’s edge right after her. She clenches hard around him, and he feels himself succumbing to the same pleasure. He relieves his hand from her clit, his own thrusts stuttering against her as he empties every ounce of his passion inside her.

Astarion curses with an exhale, while his love is loudly panting from their pleasant activity. He carefully lowers her leg, making sure she doesn’t simply collapse to the floor. He pulls out of her, a mess of fluids dripping down her thighs. She looks at him like he’s sent her into the cosmos, and she may never return back to the material plane. He holds her as she catches her breath, and her strength returns to her.

“You look so beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing her cheek lightly.

She looks at him in a daze, a pleasant smile warming her features. “Not half as radiant as you. I ought to draw it for you sometime. Let you see how magnificent you look after you’ve had a proper fucking.”

He laughs. “Better than usual, hm?”

She reaches out to brush his wild hair back, a look of doting in her eyes. “You’re always the most beautiful when you’re happiest.” She pauses, gentle as she cards her fingers through his curls. “Are you… are you happy, Astarion?”

Sex always softens her. Turns her already marshmallow heart into pillowy clouds. He adores that bit about her. “I’m more than happy, love.” He leans his forehead against her own, an act of innocence for her and her alone.

“I love you more than anything, you know,” she proclaims.

“Because I sent you right to the stars?” He teases. He wants nothing more than to pull her into the coolness of his arms, and feel the warmth radiating off her body.

Her hand retreats from his hair, and she curls them around his back, to pull him into a hug. He stills at first, surprised at the reaction. He replies in kind, pulling her from the door and into his arms where she belongs.

“You’re more than that. Much more than that.” Her voice is the guiding light that finds him at the center of darkness. The strength of his unbeating heart. “You’re everything to me. I… I feel so lucky to have you.”

He smiles, fond and so very in love, and even more unwilling to part. He says light-heartedly, while he runs his fingers gently along her spine, “You’re always quite the sap, aren’t you, darling?”

She giggles against him, her heartbeat loud enough to pretend it might be his own. “Don’t pretend you don’t eat it up.”

“Oh, I do. It is delicious.”

They hold each other for longer than they’re meant to. They both ought to clean themselves and find a way back into their clothes. Plenty that they should do, and yet they allow the moment of reprieve, a moment just for them. Languid kisses against her shoulder, gentle hands across each other’s bodies, a comfort that’s completely shared.

He pulls away first, as painful as it may be. His eyes linger on the dark beauty before him, appreciating the serenity while it lasts. She takes his hand into her own and doesn’t let go.

“Think there will be a few angry spectators on the other side of the door?” She hazards a curious smile.

“Gods, I hope so,” he grins. “Likely jealous they missed the proper show itself.”

She giggles and presses a small kiss to his inner wrist before releasing his hand altogether. They get dressed, but not without witless comments in the dark. They whisper back and forth, joyous and spent.

“They’ll know you’ve been fucked within an inch of your life. Look at your hair.”

“Look at yours!”

“Ha-Ha. Very funny, darling. I’ve never looked so good.”

“You only want everyone to know we’re having tons more fun than them, do you?”

“Well, we are.”

He doesn’t want this to end. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not ever. He wants their tireless banter to always carry them from one strange place to the next. He wants to hold her, take her, fuck her, love her, in every way that he possibly can. This world is limitless, and he intends to see it all put to use.

When they’re clothed, she gives him a quick peck, and a smile that holds a secret just for them.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

[triviareads]

Any mafia Romance book recommendations?

I do indeed. All titles are linked to storygraph summaries.

Anti-Heroes in Love Duet by Giana Darling: My favorite mafia books by far. The heroine Elena is an attorney hired by Camorra capo Dante to defend him. Elena's gone through a lot and she's closed off and considered an "ice princess". What I love is that Dante doesn't dislike this aspect of her (he's very into it), but he helps bring her out of her shell. Dante's also a great hero- he definitely falls under the category of "will fuck you up (and fucks hard) but is just a really nice (if morally dubious) dude" and he's very obsessed with Elena. It's very sexy. Would absolutely recommend, as I would the other series Giana has written for Elena's sisters, Cosima and Giselle.

The Professional by Kresley Cole: This one is Russian mafia (mafiya?). Features the iconic kidnapping of Natalie right off of a Nebraskan (?) corn field by mafia enforcer Sevastyan. Basically, Natalie's biological dad is the head of the mafia and Sevastyan works for him, so there's this *forbidden* aspect to it. Natalie just writes really hot stuff (see: the sauna scene, and the one in a Parisian sex club), along with some top-notch banter and some really over-the-top shit.

The Master by Kresley Cole: Funniest of the three books. Cat is a substitute callgirl hired by mafioso Maksim. This book is hysterical(ly hot) for soooo many reasons. For one, Maks likes his sex bondage-heavy and clinical, so when he tells Cat to strip and tie herself up or whatever, she's like "lol nope, you need something more intimate than that" and this man is SHOOK. And then there's this whole freakout he has about her allegedly trying to baby-trap him, so he basically imprisons her in his own penthouse (her revenge comes in the form of shamelessly using his credit card and walking around in a bikini during his business meeting). Oh yeah, and a chastity belt IS employed.

This is the second book in the Game Maker series. The only reason I'm not recommending the third is because the plot got kinda weird for me. But if you're into heroes with pierced dicks, go wild.

Mafia Mistress by Mila Finelli (aka JOANNA SHUPE- and no I'm not over it): See, this is a mafia book where the age gap isn't cringe, and it honestly might be because they didn't marry. In fact, Francesca is meant to marry the head of the 'Ndrangheta's son but then this man, Fausto, obviously can't help want her for himself. Nor can she. At all. Iconic moments include Frankie sexting Fausto from Rome so well he flies over immediately to make her sit on his face, her doing some A+ research on exactly what paparino means, and getting so freaked out about eating lamb that not only does she abstain, in the next scene he gets her a baby lamb that she names Lamborghini.

Sidenote: Apparently Mila has a shop where you can purchase excellent merch like this:

Desperate Measures by Katee Robert: Not *quite* mafia, but Jasmine is a part of some kinda crime family that Jafar is now in charge of by killing her father (yes, this is a series of twisted fairytales). Heads up, there's a lot of CNC in this one. Also a lot of daddy stuff. Also a good amount of sex club stuff (owned by Hades!). It's great. Well-written. Jafar is one of those heroes (anti-heroes?) you really do hate before you love him. I'd honestly recommend every book in this series.

[remidyal]

D20 Seasons, Ranked

Well someone else did this so now I have to do this, ranking (almost) all the seasons of D20. I have not watched Pirates of Leviathan still, I will get to it sometime.

Fantasy High Sophomore Year

In part this is a time and place thing, and as you'll see on this list sequal seasons tend to do a lot for me. Adaine and Aelwyn alone would get this into the top three, and it's not alone; to me, Fearful Symmetry might be the single best episode D20's done still. Even with all the production issues of a live show, this is firmly at the top for me.

The Unsleeping City Part 2

Solidly in second place, The Unsleeping City part 2. I love to hate Cody, I find Iga's family plotline great, and there are great villains throughout this season. Kalina's still my single favorite D20 villain, but Tony and Null might be second and third. I need to rewatch this season, but it's unlikely to drop too far on this list.

A Starstruck Odyssey

The next two flip back and forth in my mind constantly; today, this one gets the edge for third. There's not really a weakness here (though Gunnie is my least favorite Lou character, he's still pretty good), and I think it's easily the FUNNIEST intrepid heroes season; I just find the emotional hits stronger in the two seasons above.

A Court of Fae and Flowers

This is an absolute force of a season, highlighted in particular for me by Lou and Emily playing their most absolutely chaotic and hilarious characters as well as incredible performances from Surena as Binx and Omar as Andhera. More roleplay, less combat suits my own interests for certain as well. Aabria should get at least one ten episode season to GM a year as far as I'm concerned.

Fantasy High

There's a lot of learning curve here in their first season for certain - I'm not sure they get concentration right once in the entire season, the timeline at points is an absolute trainwreck, and all of them are kind of feeling their way into the level of roleplaying they eventually settle into - but the season is great and has some absolutely incredible moments, especially as they do settle into it.

The Seven

A completely wild season, and easily and by far the horniest season of D20 even though there are at least two seasons where that is explicitly a part of the theme (ACoFaF and Shriek Week.) Almost every cast is great; this one is top notch. I don't really have anything bad to say about it.

Mentopolis

The newest season, this one might move up or down still quite a lot on a rewatch and with time to settle in my own personal library of memories. The characters are by design slightly one-note but it's done in a way that's incredible. Maybe the single season with the smallest gap between my favorite character and my least favorite; I'd be hard pressed to even settle on one for either end.

Never After

I wanted to love this season even more than I did, and I do like it quite a bit, but it has some missing potential. I don't need a horror season from D20 to be crazy hardcore or anything, but this one wound up being more of a weird metastory season than horror; I would argue that FHSY and TUC2 both are more of horror seasons in the end than Never After ended up as. I think this one needed a single villain to land a bit more, or maybe another ten episodes for some of the concepts to breath a little; there were just so many elements packed in and then at the end we hadn't even met large chunks of those present at the final fight. That said, it's this high because I more or less love all the things it's hitting on and there are some GREAT moments.

The Unsleeping City

To me this is the season that suffers the most from the early season RP episode - combat episode pacing, even more than Fantasy High. It's got some really nice highs, like the Titania fight or the moment when Ricky swims across to Staten Island, but it also has some real lows: The wall street fight may be the single most miserable to watch drag of a fight in the entire series, with the villain behind a globe of invulnerability, every minion in the fight having THREE legendary resistances, and a pretty dull set, and this is the penultimate encounter! Great characters, of course, but (somewhat uniquely) I enjoy watching Cody more than Kugrash and find the dynamics in TUC2 much more fun.

A Crown of Candy

This starts breaking the mold on the RP/Combat episode thing but still mostly sticks to it. The front half is GREAT, and would be much higher on this list. My complaint with the back half is not Saccharina related, but simply that I find the last three encounter designs pretty bland and unchallenging, a complete romp for the players. Some people actually do blame that on Saccharina, but I think it's mostly just a product of being higher level and Brennan not particularly balancing the fights around level - that made the early fights incredibly hard, but by the time people are level nine it's a different world than a fight where they are 1-3.

Also how do you go from giving your next to last fight 15 legendary resistances in TUC to 0 here? C'mon.

Mice and Murder

Maybe the most unique season of the show, I need to rewatch this one but remember really enjoying it, if for nothing else then just for Sam and Grant pelting Brennan with heckling from over the zoom call throughout the season.

Escape from the Bloodkeep

The first side quest, I'm NOT a big Lord of the Rings fan but this is a thoroughly fun season anyway. There's still some early installment weirdness, but I think there's a lot to love here; Trapp and Ify give performances I find particularly fun.

Ravening War

This one's a little controversial, and for the record we're still in seasons I like well enough. I think this was my favorite bit of Matt Mercer GMing I've ever seen; I also still do not particularly care for his style as a GM (though I quite enjoyed him as a player in Bloodkeep.) I wish this hadn't veered off into the underground at the end; something more tied directly within the events of the Ravening War would have fulfilled the promise more to me. I DID quite like the concept of characters going through a longer period of time between episodes, with this covering something like eight or ten years, and I hope that's a thing they revisit in the future.

Honestly, just watching how delighted Brennan is to get to play in a world of his creation is what led me to bump it up over Coffin Run.

Coffin Run

Honestly this one was fine but I do like the longer seasons and the larger tables; Jasmine did a solid job as a DM and all four players were good, but I do kind of wish they'd ended up going with WoD instead of 5E for this one. I don't dislike anything here that much, it just isn't a standout for me.

Shriek Week

This more or less plotless season does basically what it says; the cast is great and I like Gabe as a GM, but it's four episodes and four players and honestly my aroaceness might be showing here but it's largely a very small appetizer when I'm looking for a main course in a D20 season.

Dungeons and Drag Queens

This one's gonna be really controversial, but this is a season I would (and will) rewatch and it might move up. I think I wasn't really the target audience, and I'm glad it seems to have found people who were.

A worthwhile season just for how great the players and Brennan looked alone, though.

Misfits and Magic

So. This is the first season I won't ever rewatch again, and it's not really the fault of anyone who was involved. At this point, I just can't give even the slightest bit of cultural power to the property that this season is parodying. I'm glad that, at this point, everyone involved has been in other seasons because they all do incredible jobs, and I respect people who make different choices about engaging with it, but I just can't anymore. I think the season is good - probably good enough to go several slots above this - but here it is for me. Consider this kind of an N/A.

Tiny Heist

Oh boy. The only season I actively recommend against to people who ask my opinion, there'd be a country mile between this and Dungeons and Drag Queens (which I still liked) and it's entirely from the cast. I really hope we get Jess Ross in another season; Lily too even though she's quite good in Shriek Week. As for the elephants in the room, the oldest brother and the dad seem fine and fun, but the middle and youngest made this a miserable watch for me. For people who like them, I'm sure this is near the top of their lists; for me, it's an F-.

[thewritersaddictions]

First Kiss: Robin Buckley- VHS

Pairing: Robin Buckley x Fem!Reader

Pov: reader

Warnings: Rambling Robin, First Kiss, at work, fluff, family video store, customers, also Steve here because he's always with Robin.

Summary: Robin is always a rambling mess around you. The only way you know how to finally shut her up for only a few seconds is to lean in and kiss her softly.

A/n- Firefly-graphics for dividers

WC- 2.2k

Stranger Things Master List // The Adults Master List // Series Master List // First Kiss Master List

The two of us had only ever worked maybe a few shifts together at the family video store. Steve had gotten the job for me after a good talk with the manager, and Steve might have told our lovely manager Keith that I would go out on a date with him. Steve's exact words were “She’s the best of babes.” I had never told Steve nor had I told Robin that that was a horrible fucking date.

Keith staring at me made me uncomfortable, and I was more than thankful when I realized that Keith was never there at the store anymore. With the three of us working almost every day together it was easier to forget about the rather stupid date. 

Moving on with my life. I had lots of shifts with Steve and Robin. Most of which were amazing, and funny. Steve had yes spent all of the time trying to get a girlfriend, most of which wer already dating another guy or would fall for the trap and then slap him across his face when they realized what was happening. “Steve you’ve got to stop this.” I commented as I watched the young lady storm out of the front door. The jingle of the bell rang through the shop, and then popped out Robin from the back room. 

Steve was looking at me, when Robin commented that she had seen the whole thing go down in the backroom. “Stevie, what is that now mark hundred on the ‘you suck’, and still only zero marks on the ‘you rule’.” Steve rolls his eyes looking over at me. “She’s been doing this since we worked at the scoop ahoy. I don’t know if you asked me she’s got just as many ‘you suck’ marks.” Steve says to me. My smile turns into a smile as and I look over at Robin her cheeks are blushing red. She’s looking at me, she’s got the brightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.

Funniest thing is, they only light up like that when she’s looking at me. “Shut up dingus!” Shying away, Robin goes back into the backroom. Since they have told us that they only need two of us working infront at all times. Steve moves from the shelves and back behind the countertop. “You know Robin, she’s always talking about you.” Steve says, he’s not even looking at me. 

“What are you even talking about Steve she’s never even said a full sentence to me. All she can muster out is ‘hi’.” I said to Steve looking over at him. He’s got one of those shit eating grins plastered over his face. “Steve!” I said a warning to whatever he was thinkingto drop it. “Oh come on. I see the way she looks at you and let’s be honest you look at her the same way. Those love induced eyes, the two of you practically eye fuck each other each chance you get.” I can helpt but scoff at his words. We don’t do that… Do we? “Steve are you sure?” I ask hestinatly, he turns and looks at me. “For sure Y/n!” 

I wasn’t able to think about what Steve was saying, or what he even meant by his statement. A customer was walking in, so my day went on. Talking with customers about the upcoming movies that were in stock and whether or not to get said movies. Steve ran rampend in the back of my head though. Twirling around, making me look back at every single moment that Robin and I had shared. 

The last purchase of the day, and Steve was practically running towards the door behind the last customers to shut and lock the front door. Turning off the open sign was his favorite of things to do, and since the afternoon Robin had been in the back. According to Steve she was staying as far away from me as she could. According to Steve she was a rambling mess when she was near me. It too nearly another two weeks, another two weeks before it was just Robin and I. 

I had gotten there early in the morning. Unlocked the frfont door, and turned on all the lights. Nobody would be here for hours, since it was monday, and the morning. I waited, watching out the front window. Waiting for Robin and Steve to arrive, but according to the schedule Robin was the only one working today. Begrudgingly Robin was pushed to the front door with Steve standing behind her. 

I moved quickly to the other side of the store, where I had dragged out a shelf of the returned movies from last night. I stood there waiting and faking putting up the VHS. “Robin just go in there. She won’t bite ya, and Y/n’s just as in love with you as you are with her.” Steve said, his voice a little low as if I wasn’t able to hear the two of them enter the building from the jingle of the front door. 

“Steve… Please just call in and say you’ll work today.” I heard Robin plead with Steve but the grunt that echoed through the family video store was loud enough to tell me that Steve wasn’t calling in for Robins sake. “Just talk to her, you’ll be more confident. Bye Y/n, I’ll pick Robin up before your guys shift ends.” Steve yells the last part into the store, before I hear the jingle happen again. 

“Hey Robin, sorry the dingus isn’t working today.” I said not even looking towards her from the floor. “You heard that!?” Robin asked fast as she tried to seem cool. I shake my head and look up at her, but when I notice that Robins looking rather sorry and sad. I shrug “Robin it’s okay, I get it normally it’s not this early in the morning when you’re coming into work.” I say. Letting Robin think that I didn’t even hear anything regarding how much she was reluctant to come in because of me. 

“Okay, yeah.. I mean it’s just so early and I don’t really like being up at this time….” Robin mumbles out between biting her lip. I look over my shoulder at her. Her cheeks bright red a beacon of absolute embarrassment. “How about you work the shelfs and I’ll  deal with customers huh?” I suggested. If I gave Robin my task she wouldn’t have to sit next to me at the counter and try not to be paying attention to something other then me. 

Steve words run through my head again as I get up from the floor. Making my way towards the counter, it was a long Monday. It wasn’t going to be over soon, so I set to find a movie after Robin had finished setting the returns back on the shelves. “Robin do you mind if I find a movie to watch for the morning? You can pick the next one.” I said rounding the corner of the front desk to my favorite section of the entire Family Video store. “ROMANCE” “Sure” A mumbled answer came from Robin has I felt her watch my every move. I walked fast towards the romance section, my eyes scanned for the hot pink that popped out in the dark background of the VHS’s holder. “Pretty in Pink” My favorite so far this year. 

“Pretty in pink sound good?” I asked into the air. I heard the soft giggle and then a short ‘yeah sor sure Y/n.” It was odd for how much she teased and was loud with Steve was nearly the exact opposite with me. Quiet and timid, nothing said that she was willing to be an absolute asshole in the best of way with me. 

I slotted the movie in to the VCR. It popped up almost imddeiatly and gave me instent relief in the quiet setting of the monday family video store. I didn’t notice that we hadn’t had a single customers and that Robin had settled down next to me behind the front desk. She was watching along with me, and then my favorite line came up. I couldn’t help myself I mimicked the line “Love’s a bitch, Duck. Love’s a bitch.” I looked over at Robin from over my shoulder. She’s staring at me. “What do you think Rob? Do you think love’s a bitch?” I asked her. 

I wanted her to answer. I wanted to know what she was thinking, and I wanted to have her say something different. That love wasn’t a bitch, that love was beautiful a struggle in every way, but at the end of it she was magically. That you needed love to survive in life or else you’d be drowning in the horrible reality of the world. 

“I’m not sure. I think that love is sweet, but savory. Like food… She can spoil you with everything that you want and everything that you feel you need to add to your life.” Robin says getting up the movies coming closer to its end. As she moves around the counter she continues. “I think that love is falling, but not always I think that love should rise you up. Keep you on your toes but happy.” Robin made her way over towards the “FANTASY” section of the family video store. The silence that was caused between the two of us as Robin searched for her movie of the day. 

Still not a single customers had come in yet and it was nearly afternoon time. Past lunch time already. She let out a satisfied sigh when she found her movie. She waved it around, as if she was getting more and more comfortable with me being around her. “The golden child?” I asked her, with rised brows and the most beautiful smile on her features. 

“The Golden child baby!” She said triumphantly taking out the current VHS and plopping hers in. She turns and looks at me “I think that love is smethin that you have to yearn for, that you’re scared of at first. Love is something that you know you want but are scared to even interact with.” Robin said finishing her last thought. When she came back around the corner i couldn’t help but look stare at her. Staring at her was something that we normally did just never this close. 

Never so intimate with each other staring into each other eyes.

 “Robin?” I asked, I saw her lick her lips. “Y/n?” She said back to me. “I’m not scared of you Robin or of love.” I stated. It looked like Robin wanted to say something but she couldn’t think of the right words. A content look was plastering over Robins features and it made the moment even more intimate. “Do you think I could kiss you right now Robin?” I asked. 

She bites her lip dragging her teeth over her bottom lip. I can hear the gears working in Robins head whether to say something or say nothing at all. “I mean are you sure you want to? You don’t have to not right now of co” I stop Robin in her tracks and her thoughts before she can convince herself that she or I don’t want this. I lean over and press my lips into hers shutting her up for the first time. The silence is a comfort in the back of my head. The movies hasn’t started and all I can hear is my heartbeat in my ear. My hands make their own traveling towards Robin’s waist right where the family video store mesh jacket stops. I squeeze at her side and pull her in she relaxes in my hold and her mouth slips open. My tongue explores her mouth a satisfied hum and moan left both of us as we melt together. 

The kiss had taken oxygen from the both of us. Robin due to her talking in the middle of it, and me well… Because I couldn’t breathe when I was this close to Robin. We broke away from each other for much needed air. “Fuck Y/n. Your lips…” Robin says, her lips are red and plump. “That was the only way to make you stop talking Rob.” I say a little cheeky. The movie is still playing at the screen. I see Robins eyes cast over towards the door. “Who’s there?” I ask, still dazed by her taste and her smell. She smiles and looks back at me. “Who do you think?” Robin says, her eyes are soft as she looks over at me. 

I only think for a moment. “I guess Steve Harrington. I wonder how long he’s been standing there like a creep.” I said as I turned and looked out the window looking straight at Steve. I mouth a silent ‘thank you’. He only smiles before walking in. The both of us are blushing like little school girls that we used to be. “Aren’t you glad you went to work today, Rob?” Steve questioned her. There were touches of sarcasm laced in his words. An arch brow, and a single word. “Dingus.” “ I think I deserve a point or a few on the “you rule” side of your board. Don’t you think Y/n?” I shake my head “Don’t drag me into your games.”

Completed on: 02/13/23

Posted on: 02/14/23

The Adults- @yourfavdummy

[katatonicimpression]

So, this web series has so far been one long storyline by Derek Landy (now, officially on the shit list), with a few different artists: Marcio Fiorito, Phillip Sevy & Davide Tinto. The colourists were Erick Arciniega at first, and then Fer Sifuentes-Sujo took over. The final chunk of this series is essentially alternating between Fiorito and Tinto.

So, lets talk about the art first.

You would not have guessed that the colourist was the same each week, given how Fiorito's Wanda looked a helluva lot whiter than Tinto's.

Honestly Fiorito's art was just not great. Sorry but it had a lot of pretty rough moments:

Although a few nicer bits here and there. I liked this Sam, for example:

Honestly it feels like it was produced under rushed circumstances.

I actually made an edit of Sevy's Wanda, and yeah I think he did better than the other two.

But, by far the funniest part of the whole thing is how Fiorito would draw Sam clean shaven (which is, imo, correct for 616 Sam) and Tinto would draw him with a beard. And not even a good beard. So, Sam would be starting a conversation with no beard and ending it with one. Staggering. How does this happen? I'd like to imagine that both artists knew this was a thing but were each too stubborn to change.

The Plot:

I don't care it was fine whatever. Purple space aliens.

The Sam:

Early on in this saga, Sam gets the shit beaten out of him by one of the extra tough aliens (a Fear Teacher). This goes on for a really long time. Seriously, you're just scrolling and scrolling for pages watching him get brutalised.

Now, this is pretty bad. In general, I actually have a fairly high tolerance for violence in fiction, and, in general, I am often the one saying (or at least thinking) "stop complaining about bad things happening to characters you like. it's part of the story, it will lead somewhere" so hopefully it's clear that when I say this felt like too much, I really do mean something by it. The proportion of the comic taken up with this was way too high, even if it had paid off in some narrative way.

It didn't, though.

Both during the beatdown and a few times in the subsequent issues, we get dialogue about how Sam is a less formidable fighter than the other avengers. How he's just some guy and doesn't stack up to them. How he and t'challa can't breathe in space (and, like, neither can Tony but go off). It feels very deliberate and honestly kind of tiring, but you would think it was leading to something, right?

Why put this extensive beat down and all this dialogue about Sam's supposed inferiority into the comic if you're not building to something?

The obvious thing to think here is that this story is set in 616, so Sam is absolutely not just some human dude with no powers. He has telepathic powers. He is very much a special little guy. So, you might think that this was how this was going to pay off. That he'd use his abilities in some unexpected way, showing his worth even if he doesn't shoot lasers.

That doesn't happen, though. I don't think Landy knows that Sam isn't human.

The other option, and what I think (very charitably) Landy was trying to do, was show Sam being Mr Diplomat, and talking to the aliens and that's how he's useful. He gets healed in a magical space healing tube for a bit, then is the main guy who talks to the aliens throughout. There are two problems with this.

The first problem is that Landy's Sam just feels like Steve. And not even a good Steve, like, a very bland version of Steve. Sam's personality is not present when he's talking to the aliens. He's all "sir" and "ma'am" and this very formal "military guy being diplomatic" thing, and that is not 616 Sam. He's a talker, yes. He's empathetic and willing to hear people out, but he's not a soldier, he's not a politician or a diplomat or anything like that. And he's funnier, more brazen. He'd be willing to insult the aliens on purpose, is my point. Landy is hardly the first writer to deliver the blandest possible mischaracterisation of Sam, but it's annoying every time and I think we tolerate it too much.

The second problem, is that Landy does not seem willing to commit to actually having Sam succeed. Sam's job is to be the guy who talks politics to the aliens. Unless it's an important moment or a cool, righteous hero line, then Carol has to say it.

Seriously, that's what happens. Sam's function is to provide exposition, and to vaguely endanger himself in ways that have no consequence. Then, he steps aside to let Carol deliver any and all important dialogue including righteous political shit that surely, surely, you would give to the literal captain america character? No?

So, if the intent was to resolve this by saying Sam adds value through his "talking to people about politics and idealism" skills, then that intention never made it to the final page.

No, what we get is a story that emphasises how much the writer thinks Sam is useless and is worse than everyone else. He just says it over and over again and has an alien beat the shit out of him.

Right at the end of the penultimate issue, Sam comes face to face with a Fear Teacher (I believe the same one who nearly killed him). You would have thought that this would prompt a second fight between them, this time Sam wins, showing that he is, in fact, an impressive super hero in his own right. But no. Instead, in the final issue we cut to Sam already fleeing down a corridor away from the guy.

You guys I'm so mad about this and it's literally just a dumb online mini comic wtf