#might be fun to write a few verses on how the song would go

[exilethegame]

Do you think the people of Plaithus ever made up a Daughter of the Sea-esque song about the Commander’s betrayal? What would the Plaithus gang think if they heard such a song?

(if you don’t know, Daughter of the Sea is a world of warcraft thing. About Jaina Proudmoore “betraying” her admiral father by letting the horde kill him after he attacked them unprovoked. Her people across the ocean didn’t hear about how he started the conflict, just how she left his side and let him die)

Oh, most definitely! I'm sure it's one of those songs where everyone knows the tune + main chorus, but the verses change + vary based on the region/who's singing it. I imagine other countries mention songs about the Commander too, likely in a negative light as well.

As for how the crew would react... I imagine most of them have already heard the songs. Syfyn + Sabir would've heard them just while living in Plaithus, Amilia's a bard + storyteller so she most certainly has heard all the stories and songs, and Nikke/Jost + Vethna both come from places that strongly dislike the Commander, so their home countries have their own songs against the Commander + Plaithus.

And Freedom is... Freedom.

I imagine if they were all at a pub and such a song started playing and it started visibly upsetting MC, Sabir + Vethna might give the bard a gold coin to skip the song, Amilia would take over the show and force the songs onto a different topic, while Nikke + Syfyn would likely just tell MC to ignore the song or offer to go outside with MC for a bit. If the song got particularly rowdy, however, then those two are the most likely to start getting physical 🤫 Jost would heckle the bard until they skip the song, maybe throw a punch or two (but that's just because she likes starting problems) and Freedom would just let MC handle the situation however they'd please.

Otherwise, if MC wasn't bothered by it, I imagine the entire group would just poke fun at some of the verses and make light of the whole thing!

[thats-the-teen-spirit]

Linkin Park - From Zero - Album Review

Well, a few months ago I didn't think that I would write such a review but here we go. So Linkin Park announced their return in September followed by a tour and an album, to everyone's surprise. The new singer after the great Chester Bennington's passing was announced to be the former Dead Sara vocalist, Emily Armstrong. The announcement was followed by many controversies which I'm not gonna touch on in this review, I'm just here, purely for the music, so take all my opinions with a grain of salt.

From Zero (Intro)

A very short, barely even 20 seconds intro is a Queen-like gang vocal/choir harmony followed by Emily asking about the name of the album. It sounds like they recorded her first reaction to Mike's idea for the album name, which is - as Mike mentioned many times throughout the promotion of the album - a double entendre. From Zero means from the ground up, a new beginning which is definitely true for the band after losing a beloved former member and a friend, but also From Xero which was the first name of the predecessor band of Linkin Park. It's genius if you think about it, and by the short and cut end of the intro Emily realizes this as well.

2. The Emptiness Machine

The first single and the song that started the return. The video and the song are both great, though it left a sour taste in some fans' mouth, expecting either a Chester-imitation or someone completely different (rumors were Amy Lee and Deryck Whibley). The Emptiness Machine opens up with a modern beat and Mike's rapping, he even sings the first chorus hinting at something new to come. The second verse starts with Emily singing and while at first I thought she lacks the power Chester had, by the end of the second chorus she proves her place is right among the boys. The lyrics are about an abusive relationship to someone or something which left people thinking about Emily's past (imo the lyrics definitely fit into Linkin Park's past catalogue as well). The passion of the last chorus and the "I only wanted to be part of something" bridge will leave you wondering though: how would this song sound with Chester?

3. Cut the Bridge

Already a non-single with a choppy hard rock riff and octaves, Mike starts rapping and you realize this is definitely a Linkin Park song. In my personal opinion this sound would have fit into The Hunting Party as well as this album. I'm not the biggest fan of the chorus but it's a fun song that might get a few headbangs at concerts. Emily definitely carries this song, the bridge melody by Mike is... not the best, a little jarring and does not fit his vocal style and range. We'll hear a few moments like that in the coming songs.

4. Heavy Is The Crown

Heavy Is The Crown was the second single and the anthem of this year's League of Legends championship which gave to already one of the biggest bands of the planet some extra boost of publicity. If I had to describe this song with old Linkin Park songs I would say this is a renewed version of Faint with the breakdown of Given Up. The beat and the melody throughout the song is very Meteora-era and the "THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR" breakdown pretty much calls out the fans who wanted a nu-metal banger. It's like they knew their return was controversial and they have to do the maximum nostalgia factor to appeal to the same audience that once loved them. Emily shows her real power in this one, letting out the beast and hinting at what's coming.

5. Over Each Other

A pure Emily song and the third single. Mike is not singing nor rapping in this one, and in the video we see Emily being in a relationship, breaking up and fighting with her girlfriend until the story takes a dark turn when she fakes her own death to get away from her now ex-girlfriend. It's a very honest and upbeat song that really arrives by the second half. The lyrics show a burnt-out relationship that seems to be over soon. This one I cannot even imagine with Chester's vocals, which is the first and the last time this happened during this album. The instrumentals in the second half are (in my personal opinion) very much Minutes to Midnight-like, almost as if Rick Rubin produced this one as well.

6. Casualty

Undoubtedly the heaviest one on the record, there's barely any clean vocals, (even Mike is shouting for most of the song) and there's even a hardcore punk beat in it. This is basically like their song Victimized was on The Hunting Party instead of Living Things. The guitars and drums are filled with rage and in the bridge we hear a new sound from Emily which is very In This Moment/Maria Brink. I didn't expect a hardcore song by Linkin Park but in 2024 even that could happen.

7. Overflow

After a very lengthy intro the song arrives to a space-y, flowy verse which is reminiscent of Deftones and I.O.U, the song Mike recorded with Chino Moreno off his solo record, Post Traumatic. The chorus keeps up the same slow pace and by the bridge I figured that this song would be very fitting to A Thousand Suns. Which is possibly the only song on this record that I can say this about. Like a more modern version of a medley of that album, strange sound and it's not gonna be my most listened song but I think it will find its audience.

8. Two-Faced

Ever wanted to hear a Meteora/Hybrid Theory song sung by a female singer? Well, here you go. Imagine if Figure.09, A Place for My Head and One Step Closer got together on a drunk night and had a lovechild. The verses are also very much like Nobody's Listening, another song from Meteora. The breakdown is so much fanservice to the HT fans that it's almost exactly the One Step Closer riff (even the turntables are there). This will be one of my favorites for sure, it gives me that Cure for The Itch for a old-new HT sound. The fans who can get over to be ready for the new era of the band and only love the first album will be happy to hear this one.

9. Stained

Another song that is hard carried by Emily's vocals, I swear it's like they're doing this on purpose. Mike is one of my favorite songwriters and musicians but man, is he boring in this song. This is the first song where I felt like it's a filler. Chorus melody is alright especially in the last one where it's much more epic, but the verses, the instrumental and the overall vibe of this song is very forgettable. If I wanted to be really harsh I would say, this one is a more pop-ish song of One More Light got rerecorded with a different vocalist and distorted guitars.

10. IGYEIH

IGYEIH or I Gave You Everything I Had is another heavy banger. The riff is very nu metal, reminding me of Burn by Three Days Grace. It's another one that Emily is carrying on her back, her performance is 110% again. Mike's "the clock keeps tickiiiiing" call-ins are very much forced, and in my opinion lack chemistry with the rest of the song. The yea-yea-yea-s by Emily are also somewhat forced before the chorus, the buildup and the breakdown are great though. It's not as mid as Stained but I honestly expected better from the riff.

11. Good Things Go

Probably my favorite song of the album, straight up. The modern rap beat and Mike's work on the rapping and the wonderful vocals by Emily make this composition a pleasure to listen to. Some people I saw online compared it to Leave Out All The Rest, I don't think that is true. While this is a ballad of some sort having very emotional lyrics, it's an unfair comparison to LOATR. The delivery by both Mike and Emily is amazing though and the buildup is one of my favorites of this year, it's both relieving and cathartic. This is this album's take on Good Goodbye and this one undoubtedly wins both the message and the delivery battle.

Overall I'm not gonna lie, I expected more. Upon the second listen I realized that I lost recency bias already. Some moments turned out to be probably the worst in their catalogue while others were highlights of this year's musical journey for me. The singles are definitely the stand-out songs, though Good Things Go and Two-Faced are up among them. Emily carried most of the songs as I mentioned many times before and it's clear that the band's intention was to make the audience love her as much as they loved working with her, even if this effort cast a dark shadow on the rest of the bands' performance.

7/10

[devrreader]

even though i think cardigan is the most taylor swift sizzy coded song, i also find maroon veeery fitting. it’s also my favorite taylor song in general so i might be biased lmao but yeah! thought i’d do this :p

sizzy and maroon by taylor swift song analysis <3 lyrics here

the first verse reminds me of when they were dating in city of lost souls. i always thought that the vinyl shelf could be easily associated with simon's apartment because he would have lots of vinyls. and with how much time he and izzy were spending together, they fit into the "like you were my closest friend" box. and simon lived with his roommate, jordan, at this point. “your roommate’s cheap ass screw top rosé”: that scene in cols where jordan offers izzy his (cheap) tequila and she starts going on a rant on how she drunkenly realizes how much she likes simon. also, with the whole sebastian deal going on, they were together every day, "i see you every day now."

i think the second verse would be more fitting with the tales from the shadowhunters academy timeline. with taylor hinting at a conflict/fight, this would be simon and izzy during the first half of the book, where, quoting, "Every time she showed up on campus, they fought; every time, he was sorry to see her go." during their very first fight isabelle was almost crying, "sobbing with your head in your hands". i also have found two other interesting (?) associations. "carnations you had thought were roses, that's us." in city of heavenly fire, when the whole tmi gang had visions while entering the demon realm, simon felt odd throughout all of his. his mother sends him flowers, he initially sees hydrangeas, and finds it weird. then his, i'm assuming, conscience, makes him see roses (which, fun note, are also izzy’s favorite flowers). and it happens again, when he tells clary (physically present in the vision) that he loves her, he doesn't tell it to clary. he tells it to isabelle. "It snapped me out of the vision, when I said your name. Because I knew the vision was wrong. It wasn't what I really wanted." and then, "the rubies that i gave up" would be him "giving up" on his relationship with isabelle (ruby necklace) at the start of tftsa because he felt that he wasn't good enough for her.

now, the bridge is definitely isabelle. it's isabelle after simon sacrificed his memories and she realizes she doesn't even know how to move on. "It's even worse than if he were dead. If he were dead, I could grieve […] I should be happy. But I'm not happy." she continuously wakes up alone knowing what they had and that it doesn’t exist anymore, (at least, that’s what she thought.)

the chorus. it’s important to note how taylor writes “chose” in the first chorus and “lost” in the second. after they started dating, izzy kept choosing simon every time. chose to forgive him after the maia thing. chose to spend time with him. chose to stick with him in whatever plan the mission required. chose him over and over again even after she effectively lost him in cohf. and i think she realized she lost him in the first few chapters of tftsa, after they danced in new york at the wedding in the epilogue.

then red/maroon is a recurring color in their whole relationship. blood, roses, lipstick, rubies, bar lights, hearts. “the blood rushed into my cheeks” izzy’s cheeks were always betraying her, even when she wanted to look tough. rereading some scenes she was really blushing all the time when around simon it was almost hilarious. “the mark they saw on my collarbone” she still has the vampire bite scar on her neck, and the moment she got it was probably one of the most important ones in her (and their) development. “the rust that grew between telephones” im assuming izzy still had his number memorized on her phone during the gap between tftsa-cohf and it was useless. simon remained unreachable. “the lips i used to call home so scarlet” when they reconcile during pale kings and princes, simon realized the home he’d been looking for for months was really just izzy. izzy with the scarlet lips <3. “Losing himself to Izzy—could it be that this was the only way to really find himself? Could it be that this, here, was home?”

maroon (the color) is used as a metaphor for the rush of memories, memories both simon and izzy had, even in different ways. the sky being maroon is seeing those memories clearly even with eyes closed. and it’s definitely something both of them went through, during the end of cohf-first tftsa chapters.

i really wanted this to be longer but tumblr wouldn’t let me lol. enjoy me going insane in real time ! <3

[freshthoughts2020]

No More Big 3! What's Cole's Next Move?!?!

No More Big 3! What's Cole's Next Move?!?!

July 11, 2024

If you haven’t read my previous article, scroll down on the freshthoughts2020 tab and check it out. In that article, we discussed whether Kendrick’s feud with Drake might be pointless if he doesn’t aim for the commercial number one spot. With a clear task ahead for Kendrick (whether he follows it or not), we’re left to ask: What is Cole’s next move?

I.Cole's Strong Start in 2024

Cole came into 2024 in a great position in the power rankings and was a strong front-runner to take the lead. He outperformed Drake on “First Person Shooter,” went bar to bar with him again on “Evil Ways” from the “Scary Hours Edition of For All The Dogs,” and just completed a successful national tour.

II.The Apology and Its Aftermath

Cole was set to answer the call when he released his “Might Delete Later” EP. However, moments later, his infamous apology came, leading many people to write him off and not wanting to hear from him for a while. Then he reappeared on the bubbling New York sensation Cash Cobain’s track “Grippy,” which has been regarded as one of Cole’s worst verses. The verse wasn’t even bad, but if it wasn’t mind-blowing post-apology, any verse he penned was going to get panned anyway.

III.The Dismantling of the Big 3

The idea of the Big 3 has been dismantled. The world waits on a new K-dot album, ready to crown him as number one, while the Drizzy hive stands patient awaiting Drake’s inevitable return. Again, what is Cole to do?

IV.The Two-Part Plan for Cole's Comeback

I believe Cole has to do two things to ensure a great comeback and even get his name back into that front-runner conversation. We know he’s been hyping up his album The Fall Off, which is in a worse position post-beef. Here’s what he should do to make sure his album isn’t swept under the rug when it drops.

First, Cole has to address Symba. Why Symba? People may have forgotten about that freestyle he did on the “Control” beat, but it needs to be addressed. He sympathized with letting Nas down but went on to say he left Bas and Cozz down, the whole squad down. He slammed him for the apologies. Cole has to address how he didn’t have to clout beef with Kendrick, and most importantly, he has to spank Symba for even thinking he can say that. There are a few angles he can go with, but I probably shouldn’t reveal that. If Cole is capable like I know he is, he should know the angles too. There are plenty of lyricists who will probably make fun of that apology moving forward with general bars, but he needs to make Symba the poster child of what happens when you disrespect Cole.

He needs to do this because Symba has enough lyrical respect from peers and elder statesmen of hip-hop that he’s worth addressing, and because Symba doesn’t threaten Cole in popularity. It’s like Pusha T with Drake. Symba can scorch Cole until he’s blue in the face, but modern rap is a popularity contest, and Cole would never lose that. However, for this to be effective, Cole would have to scorch Symba as if he’s going up against JAY-Z himself—no mercy! If Cole does this, half of the two-part plan to dominance will be secured by everyone taking mental notes: “Maybe we shouldn’t mess with this guy; that apology stuff doesn’t really mean anything.”

The second thing Cole must do is very simple: hits on hits! He has to get into his Forest Hills bag. That’s far from my favorite project from him, but it’s his most commercially successful album, and his sound isn’t compromised! He should re-listen to that album hard while creating The Fall Off and study the singles from Vol. 2... Hard Knock Life. He needs smashes—songs for the radio!

With these two things working in unison, we’ll quickly forget the same people saying they “...never want to hear him again,” “he’s soft,” blah blah, will be the same people saying “oh Cole’s the G.O.A.T., Cole’s the G.O.A.T.”

These are only suggestions, and he can take these suggestions and stuff them up Rubi Rose’s ass for all he cares. But if he still cares and wants to get back in that conversation, he’s got to do something along these lines. It’s not even much, but it’ll be more than enough. Trust!

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[sky-scribbles]

Playlist for my Aeor longfic

I failed to figure out how to do a fancy spotify embed like the kids do but uh. Here's the playlist for Gravity!

I listened to this while planning and writing, and there are even a few shout-outs to the songs in the fic... Songs are arranged chronologically, so you should be able to hear the story happening, hopefully :'D

Further yelling about song choices under the cut!

A Matter of Time - This one is... sort of the fic's opening titles in my head? I wanted to start out with an instrumental, to capture the vibes of the months before the fic opens - Essek and Caleb apart, thinking about the T-Dock, and each other. Wondering. Waiting.

Horse to Water - Essek in Chapter 1, knowing his life as the Shadowhand is ending, waiting for Caleb to come and take him away to whatever comes next. (I'm normally very picky about not putting songs that reference modern day stuff on fantasy playlists but this one's vibes were too perfect)

Dear Fellow Traveller - Two wizards heading into Aeor together.

Conquest of Spaces - A song for Aeor. A dark, beautiful city, the remains of a people who lived by greed and power. (And two wizards in the ruins, trying to draw closer to each other.)

Neptune - This is mostly for Essek's breakdown in chapter 5, as he worries he'll never break out of his Shadowhand manipulation, wanting to be closer to Caleb and not knowing what that would even look like. And it's a little for Caleb in chapter 6, too, grappling with his feelings for Essek and his fears that they'll ultimately be bad for each other.

Please Don't Say You Love Me - ... and as they move past those fears, this song is for them tentatively acknowledging what they might be to each other. Not yet. But maybe soon.

Woodwork - This is for the chapters 6-9 span, as they learn more about Brashaar's plan. The pressure of a crisis has an odd way of making them realise just how deep their trust and care for each other runs.

Two Evils - Since we're at the point where Brashaar shows up, she gets a song now! This is pretty much her internal monologue during her confrontation with the wizards (though she really should have paid attention to 'if you're not careful, you will lose her' in reference to Quaera...)

Winter - Travelling northward, and yearning. Wishing they had more time.

Mind - A song for a young Quaera, slowly forming a personality, wondering about who she is and how her identity forms...

The Tower - ... and having their own breakdown.

What Could Have Been - I love me a good villainous breakdown, and this is a song for Brashaar's. This is how I imagine she feels during the final confrontation, raging against the gods, against Caleb and Essek, against Quaera after they turn from her. Not quite able to let go of what she thinks Aeor could have been. What, in her eyes, the world is meant to be. (As a bonus, I think the second verse sounds a bit like a retort to her from Quaera...)

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - This is such a fun cinematic cover, and I can't tell you how many times I've imagined a mental AMV of the final battle with Brashaar set to it :'D

Ori, Embracing the Light - I wanted an instrumental here too, because... Essek is dead, Caleb is in shutdown, and Essek and Quaera are communing with the Luxon, a being that doesn't really speak with words. Also, 'embracing the light' is exactly what Quaera does at this point.

Would That I - I know we all use this as Caleb's 'learning to live and love again' song... and I am no exception. This is for him after the T-Dock, finally fully acknowledging his grief, and his love for Essek.

First Day of my Life - Just two wizards realising that they have a future, and agreeing to slowly work at what's between them.

Ready to Call This Love - This one speaks for itself, honestly.

Five - Both of the wizards in the final chapter, but especially Essek realising how isolated he's been from the world, and letting it all in so he can feel it. (Also, studying the universe is a love language - )

Gravity - Gravity is a metaphor for love!!!!

[so-many-fandoms-here]

hi! idk if youre taking requests atm so in case u don’t, feel free to ignore this :-) anyways, i’ve been obsessed with the way you write and i was wondering if you could write something with niragi, inspired by house of balloons by the weeknd!! i think his character kinda suits the lyrics so i thought that could be fun!! it can be anything rlly, smut, angst or just anything :-) tysm and have a good good day!!! 🫶🫶🫶

Heyy :)) This is my first request since quite a while so I'm actually pretty excited right now :D Thank you so much <3

I listened to the song a few times beforehand and you're right, it really suits Niragi.

I took a lot inspiration from these verses:

You look into my eyes You can't recognize my face You're in my world now

So just don't blame it on me, girl 'Cause you wanted to have fun

Oh this is fun fun (...) This is fun to me

—

(English isn’t my first language so feel free to correct any mistake you notice)

• Characters: Suguru Niragi, fem!Reader

• Genre: Angst

• Warnings: abuse, bullying

Remember

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

I have no idea how I was able to survive so long without anyone by my side. I lived like a stray dog for weeks until I met these really nice guys (who probably just wanted to fuck me). They had a fucking car and told me about this place.

The Beach. That's how they called it. It used to be a resort back in the real world. Some crazy guy, Hatter, found it and created some cult-like society. I didn't had the best gut feeling but anything was better than my current situation. So I let them touch my tits a few times and in return they took me with them.

The Beach was a way bigger deal than I thought. Dozens of players lived here and there was food, water and electricity. This place was actually alive.

Yes, it still was a weird cult-like place, but a safe place afterall. I was just supposed to bring the cards I own to Hatter (they didn't exaggerate, this man was definetly some kind of crazy) and had to wear swimwear so I couldn't hide any weapons on my body, which actually made sense to me.

The guys that brought me here explained a bit more to me. At first I didn't want to listen, but when they mentioned the militants I started to pay attention. Because they where allowed to carry weapons with them.

I didn't really care about anything else they had to say about them.

They where allowed to carry weapons with them!

Call me paranoid but I would feel so much more safe around here if I had a gun or something. These people might be in the same boat with me but everyone would safe themselves first from drowning. Me too.

They wanted to survive. I wanted to survive. And in the time I was here I lost a lot of my empathy because it would get me killed in the blink of an eye.

"Who is the leader of those executives?", I ask, swirling my (h/c) hair around my right index finger while putting on my best doggy eyes.

They looked at me like I was just as crazy as Hatter but after a few seconds of hesitation they answered anyways. "Aguni. Really short hair, scar on his face. It doesn't matter though, you instantly feel that he is the leader, when you are around him."

I took note of the facts about his appearence anyways, just in case.

"He is never alone though. His comrades are like flies, pretty sure this man doesn't even shit alone." I ignored his comment and was already looking around.

"Imma head to my room guys", I said without looking at the men. "I'm tired." They either didn't caught my lie, or they simply didn't care. They just nodded and let me head off.

I was of course not going to my room. I was way too curious about this Aguni. The things I would do for a stupid gun...

The sun was long gone when I saw him. The boys where right, he had this aura that basically screamed at you. And as expected, he wasn't alone.

For a second my confidence began to fade. Did I really want to talk to this guy? Would that be as smart as I thought? But I caught myself quickly again. I would die one way or another, where is the difference if it's through a game or his hands?

After I took a deep breath I stood up from my chair I had sit on and walked straight up to him. People stared, some whispered but I ignored them.

"Are you Aguni?" I ask him when I arrived in front of him but before he could even think of an answer another man slipped around him and build himself up in front of me. A big gun rested on his shoulder and the amused look in his dark eyes showed that he wasn't afraid to use it.

But there was something else in his eyes. Something so familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Maybe we went to school together? That wasn't so unlikely based on how many people were here.

"Do you really think our boss has time for a stupid chick like you?", he asked while he grinned like an idiot. A hand placed itself on his shoulder and shoved him to the side. "Niragi." A voice scolded him.

The name didn't ring a bell. I probably saw him around school sometimes. Based on how he acted here he probably was one of those bullies in school that degraded literally anyone. You didn't even need to look or act different, sometimes you where just at the wrong place at the wrong time and your school year was literally over.

"Let her talk", the voice appeared again. Agunis voice.

I tried to make myself taller than I was and tried so desperatly to look brave, that I probably looked like a fool. "I want to join the militants."

I held my breath while biting my tongue. I really didn't know what to expect. Maybe he would kill me right on the spot? Or maybe not. I didn't know which one I would prefer.

He tilted his head and eyed me from head to toe. "It's not that easy." "I don't care!", I interrupted him and felt the heat spreading into my face immediatly after I spoke.

There was silence for a short while and I was absolutely sure that someone would kill me on the spot, but then he laughed quietly which scared me even more. "Or maybe it is that easy after all", he said eventually.

I felt the burning eyes of his subordinants and for a second I thought I would throw up on Agunis feet. "I like you. You're in."

I didn't know what just happened. It was so much yet nothing. All it took was for me to interrupt the leader? This had to be a trap, right?

"Nobody dared to talk to me like that since I came here", Aguni explained. "Don't think I would tolerate it, I don't, but at least you're somewhat reckless. If you're reckless in other aspects too, this could work." His hand dissapeared in the pocket of his jeans and came back out with a pair of keys which he handed Niragi. "Show her the guns."

Niragi looked far from happy about this order. "Why me?", he asked rather irritated. Aguni looked him dead in the eyes. "'Cuz you're my right hand. And you do what I say."

It looked like Niragi wanted to say something but bit his tongue. Instead he turned around and stormed off. Without saying a word I followed him, now even more scared than I was before.

Niragi walked quick and with big steps he crossed the halls of The Beach. At a heavy door he stopped and turned around to wait for me. "Hurry up!", he yelled annoyed while waiting for me. Slightly out of breath I stopped next to him and looked while he opened the door which revealed a rather dark stairwell that only lead down. "It's downstairs", he explained before starting to walk again.

I tried my best to stay beside him while we walked down where I supposed was the basement. Here were probably the generators and all that kind of stuff.

We crossed another long hallway until he stopped at the last door on the right side. Then he used the key to unlock the door and before I could process everything properly I found myself between dozens of weapons and guns.

Niragi pushed me inside and quickly closed the door behind him. Then he locked it and turned around to look me in the eyes. Fear crawled up my throat and my heart started to beat faster than it ever did in my whole life.

"Long time no see (Y/n)", he said. The keys dissapeared into his pockets so I had no chance to get them. Confusion mixed with my fear. "You know my name?"

His smile appeared back on his face for a second but then faded again. "How could I forget?"

My confusion grew while I desperatly tried to remember from where I could possibly know him.

"Come on", he cooed while he looked at me with expectant eyes. "Don't you remember?" He raised his free hand, made a circle with his thumb and index finger and held it in front of his eye, mimicking glasses, while tilting his head to the side. Then he pushed his lower lip slightly in front of his upper lip, frowning exaggerated.

It hit me with such force that I felt nauseous again. The sad face he put was badly played, but I could see it anyways. I saw the boy with the glasses in front of me, crying while my brother swung the baseball bat. "There it is", Niragi whispered. "The recognicion."

All those years I tried my best to forget these eyes. And I did. But now it seemed like this was a huge mistake.

„When I saw you upstairs my stomach dropped. I thought one of us would die when Aguni said I should show you the guns. The thought of all the feelings you could bring up again did something to me but I must admit that it’s rather pleasant to be alone with you.“

I stumbled back, tried to get more distance between us but Niragi instantly closed the distance again by taking the same amount of steps in my direction I took to get away from him. Not because I was scared, not only, but because I was emberrassed.

"How's your brother?" My eyes locked with his. As I looked longer into them I see how broken they are. Just like back then, but still different somehow. The eyes that looked into my direction, screaming for help, which I avoided like the plague because the guilt shook through me. The guilt that I didn’t dare to help him.

My brother made me look how they tortured him and for everytime I looked away, he would hit me when we got home. With his fist, with his belt or he would throw plates or glasses at me.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, tears stinging in my eyes. Again I avoided his eyes but I couldn't for long because his hand found my face and forced me to look at him.

"I remember your black eyes, the gross swelling shimmering a different color everyday", he whispered and I felt his breath on my face. "Blue, violet, yellow, like a violent, ugly rainbow."

Niragis eyes studied my face, stopping at the scar over my eyebrow. I knew he looked at it because I it suddenly started to throb just like the day I got it.

"That was for when I didn't threw the baseball at you", I answered before he could ask anything about it. It felt good to remind him, remind me, that I didn't want this to happen. When I refused to, he threw a mug at me. It broke it half when it landed on the floor, then he picked it up and threw it again. It cut into my skin leaving the about 2 inch long scar behind

"Where is he now?", he asked still inspecting my scar. I shrugged my shoulders. "I came here alone." I was scared that he might thought I was lying but he seemed to believe me, which made me relax a bit.

"He'd be surprised what his little games did to me. What I have become…" He let go of me but I still looked at him. "I always liked you, you know? You understood." I nodded. "I will kill him if I ever see him again." I nodded again. "And will make him suffer how I suffered." I nodded a third time while I took a glance at his pierced tongue. The pictures of the dirty needle my brother pushed through it popped up in my head again.

"I will find him and then we will play my game." Niragi walks up to one of the shelves and took a gun, rather small compared to his, then some ammo and handed it to me. "Our game."

I looked at the gun in his hand. It was my choice. If I take it I would make a pact with him. I hated my brother with all my heart but I was still hesitant. Is vigilantism the way? My way?

"It's your choice", Niragi reminded me. I took the gun. There is no justice in Borderland, so why not make it myself?

"I will make it my world", he said. "Where no one will look down on me ever again. On us."

His eyes practically burned into mine but I couldn't look away. My iris's where tied to his and I wondered if somewhere inside was still the Niragi I met in the past or if it destroyed him completly.

[oogaboogasphincter]

Make My Wish Come True | Joel Miller x f!reader

a hidden crush, a secret admirer and a blind date for a present? talk about a love flurry for your christmas forecast! your best friend joel miller might know more than he’s letting on. 

word count/rating/warnings - 6600+ // MATURE 18+ ONLY: jackson era!joel, friends to lovers (more like idiots to lovers lol), swearing, food and eating mention, one gun mention, very little talk about infected, bodies, etc., tommy, maria and ellie mentions/appearances, lots of anxiety talk but the good kind, everyone is painfully sarcastic in tlou ‘verse, kissing, choking mention, allusions to sex

a/n - @laureliciousdefinition​ is my wonderful giftee for the @pedrostories​ secret santa event! i had soooo much fun writing this and truly got carried away haha, i've never written something this complex. this was also my first time writing joel, i hope i did him justice <3 and i hope i fulfilled your wish lauren! 💕 i left the ending sort of open so the audience can take creative liberty as to what happens next, but i have no qualms against writing a spicy part two hehe 🤭

“A blind date? Really, Tommy?”

It’s early in the afternoon on Christmas Day. Outside your quaint little house in Jackson, the sun - chopped into severe angles from the distant Teton mountain peaks - shines bright against the snow banks. Black-capped chickadee songs float through the crisp air, chirps and mews from elk echo across the great planes of frozen land that comprise your new home - and Tommy is standing across from you in your living room, dumping an unexpected and unwelcome present on you on the cheerful day.

“Come on, practically the whole town’s pitched in to bring it together!” He would’ve never made it as a salesman in the pre-outbreak world. Relying solely on weak persuasion and guilting the customer? A pink slip would’ve found its way into his hands within the first week.

“Even Joel chipped in?” you ask incredulously. Joel’s been your best friend since your first day in Jackson. After being dragged to the town pub by none other than Tommy in an effort to acclimate you to the community, you spotted Joel as soon as you walked in; stood in the corner, keeping to himself. The soft smile hidden under his thick facial hair told you he found alone time pleasant, but when it grew to twice its size when you introduced yourself, you vowed to never come unstuck from his side like velcro. 

You knew your best friend - Joel loved you, but he would never approve of setting you up like this. You can’t really put your finger on any specific reasoning as to why, you just know in your gut he wouldn’t. 

“Yes,” his younger brother states bluntly. Tommy was never good at lying either.

“Look, it’ll be fun! We made it all nice for ya, you don’t have to worry about anything besides being... approachable,” he looks at you with a playful accusatory glint in his eyes. One reason you and Joel get along so great is because you’re two of the few - if not only - people in Jackson that don’t focus on finding love; Well, at least you don’t express it outwardly. Since forming your close bond with the old grump, you’ve wondered to yourself numerous times how deep what you two have swims into those blurry lines that separate platonic and romantic relationships. You definitely haven’t gotten lost in your thoughts day after day pondering how far you want your relationship with Joel to go either. Nope, sleepless nights imagining what it would be like to stand up on your tiptoes during one of his tight hugs, leaning up and finally planting a kiss on his lips couldn’t be more unfamiliar to you.

“We all gotta get wrangled up at some point. Hey - it might be your secret admirer! At least this way we can start to narrow down the options,” he attempts to convince you again, and this time he’s a little more successful than before. For the past few weeks there’s been someone in town vying for your heart. You’ve come back from patrols to find warm servings of food on your back porch. You’ve been awoken from your sleep by gentle melodies coming from outside, down on the street and drifting up to your bedroom. Most recently you set out for the stables for your scheduled patrol only to be stopped by a plate of chocolate crinkle cookies at your feet, and turned away from your horse as someone had volunteered to cover your shift.

“I don’t know. They seem like a ghost, I doubt they’d admit it to my fave if they’re already putting all this effort into being sneaky,” you reason.

The food and treats that have been left on your doorstep are served on no identifiable dishware, left without a note. The musician plays under the cloak of darkness, choosing to not use their voice and let their acoustic instrument do the talking. All this covert attention would have spooked you, but after having Joel taste test the food to make sure no one was trying to poison you, you began to see the romance in it. You grew relieved to find dinner already made for you when you tiredly slugged back to your house, optimistic to hear what lullaby you would fall asleep to that night. And you would never turn down getting excused from patrol.

“Well, you got me there...” Tommy sighs. Ever the matchmaker, he’s irritated this stealthy admirer has been able to sneak around right under his nose anonymously. He can’t officially pair you up with John Doe.

“Your date’s already at the cabin,” he circles back, not letting you get out of the measly slab of romance he was able to piece together.

“What?!”

“I came from his house. I knew if I came to you first you’d up and vanish into the mountains by the time I told him about it.”

You groan exaggeratedly, annoyed at his accurate prediction. Being around Joel so much, Tommy learned too much about you for your liking sometimes.

You’re not ungrateful for this surprise, in fact you find it really cute and thoughtful. But it’s just not you. With Joel, and this secret admirer - you can barely sort your feelings out for your own sake, let alone for anyone else involved! And now there might be a third interest in the mix, thanks Tommy. 

“So you rudely sprang this on him just like you’re doing to me?” you say with your arms crossed. Who is this other poor soul that’s been ensnared in this trap?

“That’s kind of a weird way to say ‘I’ll go on this date, Tommy’, but yes,” he tilts his nose in the air, far too proud of bugging not one, but two people today.

“I don’t want to do this, just so you know,” you grumble, staring him down, trying to get him to crack. But the longer you glare, the more giddy his stature becomes, his smile widening until his teeth show maliciously.

You crumble in defeat, “Where is this? You said something about a cabin?”

He claps his hands together, enthusiastic to explain, “Yeah, it ain’t the lodge. It ain’t really a cabin neither, just sounds better than an old withered shed we found tucked away in a corner of the woods,” he finishes with a laugh.

“Sounds lovely,” raising your eyebrows in mocking bewilderment. You’re now sort of excited to seize this new opportunity, but will hide your feelings from Tommy if it’s the last thing you do.

“Hey, we dressed it up for you two sons of bitches. Just take the main trail east, follow the stream for a bit, until you get to that great big aspen with the gash in its trunk. Take a left where the trail divides there and follow it for a bit. Ellie will show you the rest of the way.”

Your jaw drops, “Ellie’s in on this?! Oh, when I see her-”

“When you see her you’ll politely follow her, is what you’ll do,” Tommy chides. You can take momentary despise on her all you want, and though Ellie was glad to be a part of this scheme, the man in front of you holds most of the blame; it was his original idea.

“Fine,” you surrender. You guess he really did recruit other people from town to orchestrate this plot.

With all your might you ignore the bemused sounds coming from Tommy as you lace your boots up and shrug on your jacket, grabbing your keys and going to the door. He follows behind you on your way out and chirps, “What, you’re not gonna take any gifts? Try to lube him up?”

Your face scrunches, “First of all, gross way to say that. And second, hell no. Me being there should be plenty.”

“’Atta girl,” he pats you on the shoulder.

Once you’re both out, you lock your door, then turn on your heel and look at him directly in the eyes so he knows you’re not messing around, “I’m going to get Maria to smack you for me for this.”

To your demise he huffs out a laugh, pluming into a white cloud in the frigid air, “Oh, she’s looking forward to this just as much as I am.”

“Screw you both!” you yell over your shoulder, jokingly. As you trudge through the snowy streets to get to the stables and begin your journey to your objectionable present, you don’t look back when Tommy bids you an annoyingly joyous farewell, “Merry Christmas!”

-🎄-

Earlier

"Tommy, I can't do this," Joel accosts his perpetually-meddling younger brother.

The Miller brothers, Maria, Ellie and yourself had gathered at Joel's house this Christmas morning to exchange presents, and upon seeing his brother lingering as everyone said their goodbyes, Joel suspected Tommy was going to let some cat out of a bag. Never in a million years, given how close the brothers have been for their entire lives, would Joel think Tommy would have the gall to suggest a blind date, let alone "gift" one to him.

"Joel, we both know you've taken on much more terrifying things with a brave face. Talking to the woman you love is what gets your tail tucked between your legs?" Tommy nags his eternal bachelor of a brother, watching Joel's scarred hands clutch and release the neck of his guitar with an anxious, cyclical grip. As far as he was concerned, he was doing Joel a favor by planting you two in the middle of nowhere, alone, granting him romantic pretext to work with.

"Like you weren't shaking in your cowboy boots when you started talking to Maria," Joel fires back. Tommy was irritatingly correct, but Joel wasn't going to take the full charge when they were guilty of the same crime.

"I never said I wasn't. That's just a part of love, Joel, you know that. What happened to the casanova that could charm the pants off about the whole population of Texas?"

Joels scoffs loudly, rolling his eyes. Sure, he allowed flirtation to bud and sometimes blossom if he was lucky, when the world wasn't falling apart at the seams, but he wasn't that good. He just had gotten more action than Tommy, something the younger brother refused to acknowledge for what it was. Besides, Joel was never too focused on love; it was nice when it was there, but not as important as other aspects of life: family, for one. However, he's seriously considering rearranging his priorities given Tommy's current behavior.

"That was a long time ago," Joel reasons, truthfully, "This is... different. She's different." He struggles with his words, scrambled by adoration overtaking his heart, and he's fully hypnotized when your face comes into his mind. Your breathtaking eyes that he just wants to fall into; your cute nose whose tip gets frigid in the wintery air that he wants to kiss warm; your soft cheeks he wants to cup with his rough hands and marvel at the difference in texture; and your lips, oh, your lips.....

"Goddamn, you really are in love," Tommy jests, receiving a halfhearted glare from underneath Joel's lashes as he leans his guitar against his couch and crosses his arms over his chest, broadened with an odd mixture of pride and insecurity. Proud of his loving commitment to you, nervous that his true feelings are being perceived by others for the first time after what feels like decades of being a statue.

Okay, it's 99% nerves - he's just trying to seem like the same-old unyielding Joel and doesn't know what to do with his hands so he shoves them under his armpits.

"You're not helping," he cocks an eyebrow at Tommy.

"Alright, alright, just- I was going to say be yourself but that's horrible advice given..." Tommy gestures to Joel's stiff form, earning another hardened stare.

"Okay!" Tommy stands from his chair, putting his hands up in surrender. Dear lord, if convincing Joel is this hard, how much of a fight will you put up? He restarts, "What can go wrong? You'll get there before her; I came to you first because I figured I'd do you a favor by letting you set your stuff up, obsessively run through your conversations in your head, get a lay of the land - you know, you and your anxiety and all that."

"Thank you, Tommy," Joel guesses it's a sweet gesture given the troublesome context, "But..." he trails off, stress still coursing through his veins. There are so many unknowns...

"There'll be overlapping patrols the whole time you're there so no having to fight off infected, you got your six string, your coffee and cookies, it'll only be the two of you...?" Tommy looks at Joel expectantly, waiting for the lines of his face to turn up in hope. But Joel's eyes keep to the box of extra chocolate crinkles he watched you taste on your way to the stables a few days ago, unknowing of the second surprise of pardoned work he had arranged for you.

Tommy attempts again, putting a diverting inflection in his voice, "We tried to make it cozy."

Joel can't help the smile that cracks across his face, growing wider as he imagines what you would be thinking if you were in the room right now, "We're not the romantic type."

Tommy counters with a pointed, sarcastic attack, "Who are you talking about? The man who quite literally serenaded his woman in the moonlight and the woman who near broke down in tears of joy over it the next day at breakfast, or some other heartless souls?"

"Would you stop being smart and listen to me?" Joel's patience has run out. He wants to do this, so badly wants to admit to you his infatuation and present his heart on a silver platter for your taking - but there's some undercurrent of trepidation he can't seem to shake.

Tommy's heart sinks as he watches his brother's arms unfold to hang between his legs, gaze lowering to his boots, dejected. Even if Joel can't go on the date, Tommy won't stop trying to help him navigate these feelings, now that he's gotten lucky enough to have caught them, "You worried she won't reciprocate?"

Joel contemplates the gentle question, taking a few moments to make sure he's got everything straight in his head, "I'm afraid she'll think differently of me when she finds out I'm the one who's been doing all this nonsense," he waves his hand unceremoniously in the air, referring to his secret admirer antics.

"It ain't nonsense. And you've seen her face when she finds your little presents; she loves 'em."

It's true. Joel's caught you humming while doing your work around town the tunes he's played for you under the starry night sky, seared into his brain the picture of you giddy with delight at both the idea and flavor of the food he's left after he "taste tested" it - did you really think he would eat, or let you even think about eating, something a stranger made in the world you live in now?

"Do you think she won't love you back?" Tommy drops the final question. Potent, but essential in answering.

Joel knew maybe you didn't love him in a romantic way. But confidently he knew from the way you sought out his company every single day, the way you hugged him a little tighter when he would leave or just get back from patrols, the way you looked at him... you loved him dearly.

"She already loves me."

"Then what're you afraid of?"

-🎄-

Present

Joel paces the rickety floorboards of the battered shed, restlessly awaiting your arrival. It probably has only been a few minutes since he got here, but his mind has written, doubled back, erased some, rewritten and ran through enough possible conversations with you to last eons. After fatefully agreeing to Tommy's blind date scheme, Joel traced the path his brother directed him to take and was greeted with what seemed to be nothing but a mountain of snow and densely packed aspens. Only by rounding the giant snow drift was the "cabin" revealed, and oh what an improper name. Joel smirked at the poor state of the structure, but observed his brother's logic for choosing it - it was virtually undetectable.

The door took a few well-muscled pulls to open, and after completing an initial sweep to make sure no bandits had discovered this perfect hideout, Joel shook his head at the decor. Bundles of mistletoe line every inch of the miraculously sturdy ceiling beams, making almost the entirety of the singular room a kiss zone. There is a red and green plaid couch in the center, which Joel thought would look atrocious in any other setting, but looks sort of pleasantly festive against the stripped wood interior. Its upholstery has noticeable signs of age, the colors faded to muted maroon and evergreen, but other than that it looks decent - spectacularly holding no stains of carnage after all these years.

As Joel wondered how it survived, he took in the few candles placed around the room, a matchbook sitting next to each one. With the "cabin" (that name will never not be funny) battered by the wind and snow, some of the paneling has warped, leaving microscopic seams to the outside. The winds blustered so fierce, the frost snuck through these cracks, creating an icebox. Joel went around and lit the candles, taking delight in the complementary scents; must've been Maria.

As pinecone and lime, peppermint bark and red velvet began to drift through the air and warm the cabin up - maybe the flames are a placebo effect because Joel is still shivering his balls off - he arranged the items he's brought. He set his guitar up against the arm of the couch, his box of cookies on one of the cushions, his thermos tucked away into his bicep like a stress ball. And then he was faced with the insurmountable, maddening, parasitic task of waiting. He paces back and forth past the door, ears pricked for any semblance of noise disturbance coming from outside. Nothing but howling wind so far, once in a while the pittering of snowflakes adding to the encapsulating drift trick him into thinking he hears hooves, hooves carrying you. But no, so he goes back to pacing.

He makes himself dizzy, sprinting through possibilities of what might happen. He plants his feet steady, hands balancing himself over the back of the couch, trying to fight his nausea. He pins the blame on the sickeningly sweet smell of the candles, but even for his stomach's sake he can't convince himself of something that stupid. You've seen her a million times, he reasons, what's so different this time? You're her best friend, she loves you, she doesn't know, you don't have to follow through with the plan if you don't want to, just pretend like this is all some ridiculous joke. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. She. Doesn't. Know.

Instead of calming himself down, he makes his heart ache more. He's been lying to you. Going behind your back, slinking around unbeknownst to you, fibbing right to your cute little face as you look up at him with all the trust in the world. He puts his fist to his mouth and clutches his stomach with the other, trying to slow his body and take some deep breaths. His efforts are for naught when he hears Ellie's voice carried in the wind.

"Shit," he gasps to himself, pressing his ear to the door to listen.

"You'll never guess! Have fun!"

"Okay, thanks, stay safe!" your cheerful lilt swirls in his heart like the snowflakes outside. Oh no.

He heaves through his teeth, putting his gloved hand to his forehead. It slips from the amount of perspiration, so he takes his gloves off, followed by his winter coat. He lays both on the back of the couch, deciding to keep his flannel sleeves rolled down so you don't notice his tacky skin. Now he wishes he were cold, as this doesn't help one bit. He pats his face dry, replaying Ellie's words: you'll never guess what?

He'll think about it later. Maybe. He doesn't know. He smooths his shirt, closes his eyes and breathes as evenly as he possibly can while he hears your boots crunching closer and closer to the door. Just say hi, he instructs himself, just say hi.

It takes you a few shoves to open the door too. Joel would help, but he can't move from where his feet are cemented to the floor. After you get it cracked, the barrel of a gun peeks inside, followed by your searching eyes. You had the same idea of bandits as he did.

When your wary eyes meet Joel's, all caution melts into disbelief. What the fuck is this, Tommy? you think.

Your best friend sighs, a little haggardly you notice, before he greets you, "Well, well, well."

You put your weapon away in your coat, stepping inside and closing the door to this definitely-not-a-cabin. You smirk at Joel, but heightening candle flames guide your attention up to the ceiling, where bundles of mistletoe are hung. You sneer, "He isn't very subtle, is he?"

Joel clicks his tongue, "Nope. And I bet that was indeed a Tommy touch."

"So you were fed the same blind date story that I was?" you walk around the room, taking in the rest of the place. It surely lives up to the picture that Tommy painted for you, but it isn't so bad. Not when you're here with Joel.

"Yep," Joel looks down at his boots, scratching the back of his neck, a nervous tic of his you've come to find sort of endearing. But why is he nervous?

Please don't notice I'm nervous, he stops as soon as he realizes the hint he's giving you.

"They really couldn't just get you some more sandpaper, or carving tools? Or me some peace and quiet?" you ponder, turning back to him. It's not that this seems all that horrible now, but more like a lot of effort for minimal payoff. This is what had Tommy, Maria and Ellie so doubled over in giggles?

"It looks like we got plenty of that here," Joel smiles at you, tight-lipped, but it stirs up warmth in your belly nonetheless. He's right - wicks sizzling and snow dancing are the only sounds you hear. You mirror his expression, and try to relax a little in hopes he'll become less tense. Maybe he's cold? Why'd he take his jacket off, it's cold as fuck in here.

His chest puffs with a breath before he speaks, "Since we already came all the way out here, we might as well make the most of it."

Your smile builds, reaching your chilly cheeks, "Okay."

Okay, this might actually be the best Christmas gift ever. All alone in the forest, for whatever length of time you want, with nothing to focus on other than Joel? You have to think of a way to thank Tommy without giving him any more ideas.

"I missed you anyways," you go to give him a hug, desperate to bury your face in his strong pectorals, but his hands reach for your coat on your shoulders before you can step into an embrace.

You turn around, letting him slide it off you as you coo over your shoulder, "Ooh, how chivalrous."

He hums, amused, wanting to keep his hands on you, pulsing your muscles between his palms, rubbing your cold skin back to warm, chasing away shivering aches from your bones. To your dismay he doesn't, but you two never shy away from getting cuddly, especially recently due to the season. Maybe you can get cozy on the couch.

"Make yourself at home," Joel gestures to the piece of furniture, which now that you're taking a closer look at it, you see how old it seems to be. You'd cuddle with Joel outside on the frozen ground if you had to, so this plaid relic won't be an issue.

"Thanks," you chuckle, taking a seat. Only two cushions, that means we'll be closer to each other, nice!

"I brewed some of the coffee you gave me this mornin', you want some?" he asks, uncapping his thermos. Your Christmas gift to him was a bag of whole coffee beans from his favorite coffee shop chain he used to frequent. Ever since you had your first coffee conversation with him years ago, he continuously cites that when you grind them fresh it's "so much better". You tease him for the line all the time, but it's one of the many quirks of his that you find irresistibly adorable.

"No, it's your present, not mine!" you remind him. Although his offer was a monumental one; Joel is territorial over and protective of his coffee like a grizzly bear. So much so, you're the only member of such an exclusive club, after Ellie tried a sip and proceeded to spit it out.

"Have you tried it yet?" you ask, watching his careful hands fill the cap. No steam rises from the surface - iced, just how you like it. You try not to get mesmerized by the way his long fingers grip the makeshift cup, bounding off into your fantasy land where those same fingers are wrapped around your own, your quivering thighs, your neck...

His timbre knocks you out of your trance as he comes over and takes the seat next to you, "No, but-"

Everything happens at once: Joel sits down on the couch; there's a bizarre cracking sound that fills the room; the two of you share a worrisome glance; you both go tumbling back as the sofa's legs give way. With the couch now sitting on its back, your legs are in the air and you're staring at the mistletoed ceiling. Laughter strikes through you like lightning and only gets more thunderous when you look over at Joel, blinking slowly, trying to avoid getting spilt coffee in his eyes. His grin grows exponentially, as do his uncontrollable cackles ruminating from deep in his chest, while he lies in place, literally soaking in the experience.

"Goddamnit," he grunts through a smile, setting his empty cup down.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" you lean over him, having difficulty seeing him through the tears squeezing out of your eyes.

"Yeah," his tongue darts out and licks his drenched mustache, "Mmm, good roast, thank you."

"You're welcome," you guffaw, pulling your shirt sleeve taut over your hand, your lip between your teeth and patting the liquid off his face - thank heavens he wasn't in the mood for hot today. Your sleeve will dry in time, much like his shirt will have to do too. You're violently struck with the thought of him taking it off, putting his hairy chest on display for you to ogle at in the romantic candlelight. You hope he can't feel the aroused heat radiating from your cheeks by how close you are as you finish cleaning him up.

Just kiss her, Joel's brain yells at himself while his eyes rake over your beautifully concentrated face, take the opportunity while it's inches away from your reach.

He can't do that to you though, spring something so brash on you out of nowhere. He's not Tommy.

In no time you right the couch together, sitting with your backs against one arm each, legs stretched out and intertwined, weighting it to the floor. Joel pours himself a refill, putting on a show of being overly cautious, which makes you giggle.

"At least I'll smell good," he grumbles up at you from under his lashes. You wish you could appreciate his joke more, but his saturated shirt clinging to his muscles is tormenting your sanity...

"You always smell good," you spit out without your brain's permission. You hurriedly pivot, trying to quash the minute uptick of his brows, "Um, so how have you been? Patrols easy?"

Good, that's a regular, sane question, you congratulate yourself. You haven't seen him for more than a few minutes at a time for the better part of a week, both your duties ramping up as the entire town wanted to have everything taken care of and then some for the holidays.

"Yeah, for the most part. Clickers are like most pests, they retreat when it gets too cold. It's the bandits that get desperate, lookin' for shelter, that you gotta watch out for. I don't want to jinx it but there's only been two individuals that we came across, died of natural causes. Nothin' to worry about."

Throughout his speech he's been running the tip of his finger around the rim of his cup, embarrassed that you're staring. If only he knew.

"How've you been, my little busy bee baker?"

His nickname engorges your heart, pumping praise through your veins. The part you fixate on is "my". You're his.

"On my feet. Thankfully I've only been baking like crazy, someone's been picking up my patrols for me."

"Oh?" Joel puts his best acting mask on. If he could steel through your unintended interrogations before, he can evade you for just a little bit longer.

"Yeah, I get to the stables on my scheduled days and they tell me to go back home, that someone's volunteered to take over my shifts. I wish I knew who they were so I could thank them, I wouldn't have been able to make all of my cookies without their help." Your Christmas present to everyone was personal boxes of homemade cookies. Crafting cookie boxes was one of your favorite things to do before the outbreak, so you thought you'd spread some nostalgic holiday cheer this year.

"Well I'm sure they got their due compensation by way of some of the extras you left over at the church hall."

He was a good boy - he only ate what was in his box and left the extras for the town. He really needs to get that lemon cookie recipe from you though, or better yet, truly indulge himself and ask you to come over and bake them yourself - it wouldn't be a complete lie if he told you he wouldn't be able to make them the same; he can't tell a teaspoon from a tablespoon.

"I hope so."

You and Joel sit and chat for a while, exchanging pleasantries about the weather, anecdotes about your days; topics that sound like they're utilized as a pillow for awkward conversation, but your energy flows gracefully with Joel's, like always.

Bringing it up again like it's the joke you know it to be, unaware of the effect it has on Joel's heart rate, you inquire, "So what were your tactics to seduce your date?"

He pauses for a moment, passing it off as a shared laugh with you and not a dive into an anxiety-riddled black hole before answering, "Reel her in with my natural charm, of course."

"Of course," you nod.

"Maybe crack some jokes, you know, because I'm a funny guy."

"Hilarious. Did you take a look at one of Ellie's joke books?" Joel had told you about the first of her findings, now she has amassed quite an impressive collection.

"No."

"Ugh, talk about missed opportunity! There are some good ones in there."

"Well I figured I wanted my lady to fall in love with me, not the book, so I'd tell them from the heart," he looks directly into your eyes, not wanting to give you any inclination that he might be harboring some unseen lovestruck magma beneath his rocky exterior.

"Oh, how romantic!" you tease.

"And then I brought this," he fishes his guitar from behind himself, stretching back with a groan, "Figured I could strum a song or two and see how she'd like it."

At the incredibly rare occurrence - thank you but still fuck you Tommy - you leap, "I'm your arranged audience, lemme hear!"

Joel sets the guitar in his lap, picking a familiar tune from the chords before he can stop himself. As the notes gather into a song, you come to anticipate the next strums, guessing correctly every time. You've heard this before, but where.... And then you remember. The night where it was so fucking cold you pitied your Romeo who was buried somewhere in the snow beneath your window, braving the temperatures to lull you asleep. What a weird coincidence.

It is a festive song that was immensely popular pre-outbreak, so it's not as strange of a fluke as you first thought. You sit and stare, admiring Joel's fingers dancing, his eyes glued to the instrument to watch what he's doing. You both know he could play blind, but thankfully you breeze over this extraneous, damning piece of evidence, for if you were to look in his eyes, you would see the admirer within.

Fading out, he pats the body with a concluding thump, "Do you think I would've swept her off her feet?"

You shrug, not keen to feed another Miller's ego today, "Maybe, if you had sung."

"Nah, that's reserved for at least date five."

"Ohhh okay," you chuckle. Not a romantic my ass, Joel.

He turns the tables, "What were your plans to woo your partner?"

"Um... well I wasn't going to put much effort in because... I-I already have feelings for someone in particular, and I figured he would never agree to something like this," you stammer, honestly, staring at the certain someone in question.

Confidence is injected back into Joel's face on a bright wave of intrigue, "You've got a crush?! And didn't tell me, your best friend?"

He sits up straight, eyes wide and mouth agape in a smile, messing with you, "Your reaction is exactly why I didn't tell you, dork."

"So you weren't even going to try with them? Oof, that's cold," he playfully scolds you.

"Looks who's talking, Mister Iceberg."

He ends his taunting at that. You certainly aren't wrong.

A few comfortably quiet moments pass, then you shiver with a laugh, "I actually am cold."

His beard scrunches in a smile, favoring his jacket to yours and tucking it over your shoulders, running a hand over your bicep once, twice, before reluctantly retracting it to his lap. You wish you could steal it; you'd bite past the tough material and sleep with it if it meant you could snuggle into his residual heat, the worn-in scent of fir sap, wood shavings, black coffee.

He whacks the primal, possessive urge inside him down like a mole, his blood stirring just looking at you in his clothes. He'll dream of you dressed both in more of them and less of them tonight.

The candles in the room have burned a substantial amount of their wax, the sun still shining bright but from a narrower angle behind the clouds continuously dropping snow. Maintaining the front that you're angry at Tommy for this is going to be near impossible to accomplish. You can already see yourself wishing on the stars next year for this very same gift.

Okay, maybe with a more comfortable sitting arrangement. While the tumble was funny and allowed you to get close to Joel, your back is killing you. You can't imagine what Joel's must feel like right now. Later tonight, when you've returned to town and after having dinner with him and Ellie, you'll direct him to lay down on his bed - like after any other intense patrol - and work the knots out of his spine.

"I'm happy we're here," you blurt. Suppressing your delight is useless.

Joel relieves some of the pressure in his heart, "Me too."

Goddamn that drawl brings you to your knees. Sure, it makes your stomach fill with butterflies every time he opens his mouth, but sometimes it mercilessly shoves you onto your back. You rally yourself and press forward boldly, "I'm happy you're here."

His expression doesn't move, sending a shallow ripple of alarm through you. He  seems a bit off, usually he gives you a smile or something.

Holy fuck, his brain shouts, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck.

"I, um, brought some cookies too," he chokes out. He's about to reveal his big, stinking secret, and while it won't be quite verbal, that somehow makes it ten times more anxiety-inducing. Clawing talons of fear in his throat tempt him to take you by the shoulders and just scream 'I love you!'

Shit, you thought. Was what I said really that bad? You helplessly try to stick the bandaid back on the wound while Joel is preparing to rip it off.

"Wow, you were really going all out," you reference all the stops he had planned for his hypothetical date. Lucky son of a bitch.

"Yeah," he shrugs, trying to keep the tin steady in his clammy hands, "Would you like one?"

"Sure. Are they mine and you were going to pawn them off as yours?"

Your cute joke goes right over Joel's head as he pries the lid off, swallowing thickly and holding it aside so you can reach in and grab a chocolate crinkle. Never would he think of a cookie being sadistic, but his disconcerted soul is claiming otherwise.

Like the shattered powdered sugar coating, your conviction cracks. No way this is a coincidence.

You look up to Joel to find his side profile suspended in worry. You feel the gears in your head turn and he swears he hears them moving at a frightening speed, "Di-did you make these?"

"Mmhm," his throat is tight. He's made of marble, holding the tin open, unmoving. He knows you know and you know he knows you know.

A handful of silent beats pass, regrettably dangling him in suspense, but you're completely dumbfounded, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I- I was afraid. Still am," he puts lamely in his opinion, bravely in yours.

"Don't be," you assure gently, placing a hand on his rigid forearm. Like an ax, you snap him free of immobility, pushing the incriminating tin away.

He layers his hand over yours, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles and back again, calming himself more so than you, "You know me, you know I have a hard time expressing my... emotions."

He snarls the last word like having a heart that beats is something to be ashamed of. You do know him, and flirtatiously retort, "Sure didn't seem like you had a hard time expressing them outside my bedroom window at midnight, sneaking around my house in the morning, rigging the patrol schedule behind my back..."

Your welcoming smile spreads to his face, "Why are you always right?" he grumbles.

"I have to balance you out somehow if we're a couple. Opposites attract, right?" you lean in, flicking your eyes from his hazel puddles to his mouth and back again. He reads the unmistakable cue and meets you, pressing his lips softly to yours.

On the second kiss, he molds his mouth to yours firmly, allowing a moan to reverberate up his throat. You sound one back as he pulls you forward, situating one thigh outside each of his so you're straddling his lap. Wrapping your arms around his neck and his around your waist, you lose all concept of time, your mouths dancing infinitely... before Joel abruptly breaks you apart.

"Hang on."

"What?" you pant.

"We ain't under any mistletoe," he muses, scooting you off the couch to directly under a bundle. Brushing your hair away to reveal your face, he gazes up at you in awe, his body finally at peace - but not for long, when you break out into a smile and him a sweat.

"You really are a funny guy, Joel Miller," you tease against his parted lips, feeling his confirmation vibrate your tongue as you go in for another kiss,

"Hilarious."

main masterlist ♡ join my taglist!

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[noirvette]

stan, kyle, clyde, and nichole! + band headcanons!!

these are just basic headcanons to go along with we never existed but can be read by itself as well

speaking of we never existed, first official update will be on saturday at 12:00 CT!!

cws: none! Aged up characters

♡ STAN MARSH

Main singer

Does most of the writing for songs (with Nichole)

Band genre is alternative / indie rock? / pop rock / rock (Think like IDKHOW, Joywave, Arctic Monkeys, Nirvana, etc.)

They aren't signed to any major record label (just a small one) and they'd be considered indie because of that but either way

Can play the piano (shoutout trey parker rq) but considering he never gets the chance to really play it, he kinda forgets it's something he can do LOL

He also knows the drums considering he knows how to play piano

Does a lot of the mixing and arrangement of the instrumentals and vocals. Is also a huge perfectionist on this, if something doesn't sound right he gets annoyed

Kyle is backup vocals for certain tracks, and if Stan thinks Kyle didn't sing a note correctly (or rather he knows), he makes Kyle re sing the verse LMAO

Is proud of his music and wants things to be perfect

Will stay up until 4am on writing lyrics. He's not a coffee drinker in my opinion so how he manages to stay up is a mystery (the 6 energy drinks behind him is how)

I feel like, he sounds sort've like a mix of Mitchel Cave (main singer of Chase Atlantic), and Riovaz.

His inspirational genres for his music would be pop rock, indie/alternative rock, and death metal (not too often, but throwin this curve ball in here since.. he DID form a death metal band in s23)

However he does like non rock genres like r&b and alternative pop, only because Kyle tends to listen to those genres a lot and it's rubbed off on him (and the genres are a vibe).

Taught Clyde the drums since freshman year of high school (I'll mention this more later on in Clyde's part)

Has perfect pitch, idk it seems like.. so like Stan to just casually have perfect pitch

♡ KYLE BROFLOVSKI

Manager

He was actually the one who brought up the idea of a band (hence him being the manager), only because he was bored and figured "hey.. a small local band might be kinda fun to do!" and then the band got popular and now hes like "wtf"

Now despite Kyle looking more like he'd be a tenor, he's got a baritone singing voice (basing this off the fact he was the bass in s21 ep5)

Can actually play a few instruments (shout out matt stone rq), i.e guitar (both electric and acoustic) and the drums (he seems like a band kid percussionist too anyways)

He didn't want to play instruments in the band though and would rather not be in the limelight.

However he is attributed in a few songs because a) backup vocals, b) is a backup guitarist c) has been the stand in drummer when Clyde is sick.

Is a fan of alternative rock, alternative/indie pop, r&b, and occasionally rap (he's a fan of lil uzi i just know it)

Helps Stan with writing song lyrics, but can't write lyrics for shit so he just summarizes his thoughts and gives it to Stan so he can write lyrics out of it

Is a wonderful manager actually, keeps the band booked and busy.

Is lowkey the errand boy HAHA (poor Kyle)

Not kidding, if something needs to be replaced, Kyle's on it. If they need a gig soon, Kyle's on it. If someone's sick (CLYDE.), Kyle's on it. If they need a few touring members, Kyle's on it. The band seriously would not function properly if Kyle wasn't there to help them with it all (he reminds them CONSTANTLY of this)

Knows the band's dynamics the best, if someone starts getting agitated with someone else, Kyle's helping mediate the entire situation.

Helped with teaching Clyde the drums w/ Stan

♡ CLYDE DONOVAN

Drummer

Learnt drums through out high school from Stan and Kyle because he thought he'd impress people and get dates easier LMFAOO

When Kyle thought of the band idea in their last year of high school, Clyde immediately wanted to join (and hey he knows drums so yeah it works)

Gets overly excited during practices and causes a lot of accidents that it's gotten to the point where Kyle has a "___ days since Clyde caused any incidents", it's at zero.

Likes watching Stan do the mixing and wants to learn but would rather eat his own foot than ask Stan to show him how.

Helped out Kyle with managing the band at the beginning that it caused some in team confusion on whether or not they should switch roles

Doesn't use the fact he's in a band to impress people he's attracted to anymore because the band's popularity grew.

He does interact with his fans the most though, often hosting instagram lives or he's the longest to stay out on stage to talk to the fans before they end a show.

He loves meeting fans of him or the band out in the street and is never mad about being asked to take pictures or get an autograph. Easily the most approachable one of the band

He's actually really grateful to the band and to the fans but finds himself unable to fully express it into words.

Likes to show off his skills when Stan calls out introductions of the band during their songs at concerts(idk some band concerts ive been to stall the instrumental part between the chorus and the verses to do introductions ? do you guys know what i mean 😭)

Gets his fans to attack Craig and Tolkien sometimes, like he'll joke around on twitter with the two of them a lot just to be like "guys don't be mean to me wtf" and his fans come to his aid all the time.

♡ NICHOLE DANIELS

Electric guitarist

Kyle knew she played the guitar from band days together. (Jazz band..)

So he took a shot and asked if she wanted to join their band and she agreed!!

Is the second easily approachable member of the band and is always so excited to meet fans and talk to them.

Has played guitar for so long that she can manage to do the guitar talking rifts (Like the segment of the talking guitar in Yankee Rose) and does it to talk to the fans sometimes

Loves writing song lyrics so she sits together with Stan a lot so they can figure out albums, eps, and singles together.

Some songs are solely written by her too.

They both rarely get into writers block because they constantly bounce ideas off each other

They like story telling through their songs, so the albums often have a small story line to them.

Also provides a small backup vocal segments in certain songs, but isn't a fan of singing (in front of a lot of people at least). She's gotten more confident but would rather let Stan and or Kyle handle the vocals

Likes stage decor and setting up what goes where. Kyle lets her manage that part of his job (the whole stage designing thing) and she's super good at it too. The stage at concerts are always set up beautifully.

Has three electric guitars that she switches out through out the course of concerts, a chrome iridescent one (which happens to be her main choice), a white pale green one, and a dark sage green one.

She also has a red heart shaped electric guitar but considering it's awkward to hold she doesn't play it that often.

Also has a ukulele. Brings it with her to concerts to do a small ukulele section.

[finnickodaiir]

Okay, so I've been doing the "re-listen and rate all the 11 albums" thing. I did Debut on Wednesday, so today it's Fearless's turn!

1. Fearless. What an opening!! Easily in her top 3 opening tracks. Seeing this in the Eras and doing the 🫶 was one of my fave moments of 2023. Rating: 10/10

2. Fifteen. While I don't revist this song super often, I still think it's great and quite touching. My favorite lyric is, "But I found time can heal most anything, and you might just find who you're supposed to be". Rating: 9/10

3. Love Story. This is the first Taylor song I ever heard in 2010, so I'll always have a soft spot for it. But it's also genuinely a perfect song. Rating: 10/10.

4. Hey Stephen. Super cute and iconic. "All those girls, well they're beautiful, but would they write a song for you?", you'll always be famous. Rating: 8.5/10

5. White Horse. You guys give this song too much hate. It's s not her worst track 5 by any means. You guys just don't get her like I do. My favorite lyric is "Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance.My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand.". Rating: 8.5/10.

6. You Belong With Me. Banger of all time! Been there, too, Nerdy Taylor in the mv. Rating: 10/10.

7. Breathe. One of my fave deep cuts. There aren't a lot of friendship breakup songs out there, so I'm glad she exists. My favorite lyric is, "Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out". Rating: 10/10

8. Tell Me Why. The fiddles here give me life. It has a lot of good lyrics, my favorite one is "You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day". Rating: 8/10.

9. You're Not Sorry. Gonna piss a lot of people off, but I genuinely don't like this song much aside from a few lines and the production. I just find it rather boring, and it's really similar to White Horse because both songs are about not forgiving an ex and going your own way after finding out they were cheating on you. I do like the first few verses. My favorite lyric is "And it's taken me this long baby, but I figured you out" and I love the guitars and violins, but yes, I don't have a lot of positive things to say about this song. Rating: 6/10.

10. The Way I Loved You. What a banger!! The guitars, the banjo, everything!! Chorus of all time, which also has my fave lyrics in this song. My favorite lyric is Rating: 10/10.

11. Forever & Always. Another perfect song! And late 2022 me really related to this (fun fact F&A was written on the same day I went through a friendship breakup that had me blasting this the rest of that day). My favorite lyric is, "Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide like a scared little boy?". Rating: 10/10

12. The Best Day. I get why some people may not like it, but I love it. Favorite lyrics are, "I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean. I come home crying, and you hold me tight and grab the keys, and we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away, and we talk and window shop till I've forgotten all their names", because yeahh... anyways. Rating: 9/10.

13. Change. Love the production, but lyrically, it is weak. I don't 100% agree this is Long Live 1.0, because Change feels more like a rousing speech, while Long Live feels more like a celebration of their achievements, declaring that in case everything goes wrong she hopes everyone will look back fondly on their times together. My favorite lyric is, "Because these things will change. Can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down". Rating: 6.5/10.

14. Jump Then Fall. This song is cute and all, but I just think Hey Stephen is better tbh. My favorite lyric is, "The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry, but I'll hold you through the night until you smile." Rating: 7/10.

15. Untouchable. I've debated whether rating this song or not since it's just a cover, but since it's on both the 2009 Platinum version and on Fearless TV, I'm rating it. I think her vocals here are quite good, and I love the country rearrangement. My favorite lyric is, "In the middle of the night, we can form this dream, I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me. You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together." Rating: 8.5/10.

16. Forever and Always (Piano Version). Since this is genuinely another version of the song with different vocals and production, and not just a remix, I'm rating it. While it's not my preferred version of the song, I think it's a nice rendition. Rating: 8/10.

17. Come In With The Rain. Soo underrated, her vocals are quite nice, and the production is really good. Rating: 8/10

18. Superstar. I don't get why you all hate this song. Is it the best platinum track? No, but it's not the worst one when Jump Then Fall is right there. Rating: 7.5/10.

19. The Other Side of The Door. Another banger of the century. One of her best outros!! Rating: 10/10.

20. Today Was A Fairytale. Sooo cute, you are mean for hating on this one. Rating: 8/10.

21. You All Over Me. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not big on the Fearless vault tracks, because I feel like most of the truly great material made in either in the standard edition or the platinum edition, so what was left off was overall just alright imo. I don't dislike this song by any means, but I prefer production on the 2005 demo over the one on the Taylor's version because it just doesn't like a Debut/Fearless Taylor song and it sounds a little too polished (idk if it makes sense? Idk, the only time Aaron Dessner has let me down is when it comes to the Fearless Vault). Rating: 6/10.

22. Mr. Perfectly Fine. It's definitely the best vault track on Fearless! My favorite lyric is Mr. "Insincere apology so he doesn't look like the bad guy". Rating: 10/10.

23. We Were Happy. I quite like this song, actually, but I prefer the demo production over the TV one. While it does feel more Fearless esque than You All Over Me TV, I didn't love how they switched it from the orchestral arrangement to a downtempo ballad one. Rating: 7.5/10.

24. That's When. Writing wise, this song makes no sense... but melodically, it's quite nice soooo... Rating: 6/10.

25. Don't You. I kinda hate this song... the lyrics are okay, I guess, but the production??? This sounds like a Midnights demo... why are you doing synths and vocal layering on the most awarded country album??? Rating: 5.5/10.

26. Bye Bye Baby. Well, I hate this one more, actually. I do like the lyric "It wasn't just like a movie, the rain didn't soak through my clothes down to my skin", because of how it contrasts with Fearless the song and her vocals here are nice, but everything else sucks imo. Rating: 5/10.

Overall score: 7.8/10 (counting the vault), 8.6/10 (if we're going off solely the original tracks).

[jikanet-tanaka]

Ideas for stories and such...

I'm a bit overwhelmed with plot bunnies right now, and I think writing them all out is the best way to get 'em all straight. So... here are a few ideas for future fics I'd want to write. I dunno which one(s) I should focus on first...

Assassin’s Creed Valhalla

A Saga Most Ordinary : I have ideas for two more chapters, one about Eivor playing Dungeons and Dragons with the three Good Boys, along with Hytham, Randvi and Tewdwr, and another about her and Valka Staging An Intervention because she thinks Sigurd went and joined some cult because of his new girlfriend (ie Fulke).

Untitled/maybe it’ll just be chapter two of an existing fic, I dunno: A new companion piece/sequel of sorts to ‘Nornir's Curse, Nótt's Counsel’ about Randvi and Valdis just hanging out (on the beach while their respective spouses watch over the young ‘uns) and talking about their (rather similar, really) lives.

Dishonored

Take Your Silver Spoon (Dig Your Grave) : A two-shot about two bastard-born princesses of the Kaldwin line. Part of it is already written, I just need to get off my ass and do something about it lol

You and Me and The Leviathan Makes Three : An AU where Daud survives the events of DoTO, and Billie is stuck trying to find new purpose in her life while teaching a god-turned-boy how to Human and a suicidal old man how to… not be a total wreck of a person . Oh, and the Abbey of the Everyman is falling apart all around them (which makes the Boysider happy, since his two newfound biggest goals in life are 1) to destroy organized religion and 2) to save the whales. Every chapter would be set in a different isle, with titles based on sea shanties.

Dracula

Untitled : A little one-shot about how Drac might have gotten to Mina on the night of October 3rd. Because the details are kinda hazy on that, right?

Final Fantasy XVI

The Tale of the Telamonides : Before the mission to Drake’s Head, Mid shows up to the Hideout to Bring Chaos and Shenanigans to everyone’s live. Because I was sad that we never did see her interact with Cid.

Gravity Falls

Dungeons and Dummies : …I need to finish this you guys, I already have it all planned out. I feel weirdly anxious about this story, mostly because I don’t happen to have the whole of the rules of D&D stamped in my brain (shocking, I know). It’s like I’m afraid I’ll have someone go, ‘hey, that’s not how it goes in the Player Handbook, page so-and-so blah blah blah ’ so I don’t even try, you know?? It’s a weird thing.

The Awesome Mixtape of the Apocalypse: A story where Dipper and Mabel’s parents join both sets of twins on a roadtrip to Gravity Falls. The concept would be that Mabel made a mixtape with songs for everyone in her family (so for example Ford definitely gets weird prog rock like this, listen my dad was a happier, most well-adjusted Ford, and that was his shit, car trips in my family were trippy), with each character represented by a particular musical style (the Pines mom’s got punk ska like Reel Big Fish and Streetlight Manifesto lol…) and each chapter corresponding to one song. I got every big story beat and character moment planned out, I just… need to get off my ass and write, I guess.

Horizon Zero Dawn/Forbidden West

Untitled : Aka Aloy watches Varl and Zo together, gets confused/frustrated, and shares a convo with Erend that helps her figure out she’s asexual. Sweet!

Untitled Rost and Ersa fic : Rost and Ersa, as ghosts, hang around Aloy and Erend for the events of the first game (and have a mini ship war about the merits of Ereloy as a couple). Also known as ‘Rost Gets Another Grumpy Daughter Because These Are Sure Fun To Collect Or Something’.

Mass Effect

Untitled : Just a little Shakarian ficlet about Shepard listening to Thane’s story about how he met his wife after the events in Garrus’ loyalty mission and her being like, oh, oh boy, oh no.

Radiant Historia

Will You Learn to Love (Without Consuming): A little one-shot set in the Apocrypha ‘verse which is not compliant with the canon shown in Perfect Chronology. Basically my take on who became the big Mana Monster causing the desertification (and why he’s a foil to both Heiss and the Conuts Guy).

Déjà Vécu : A one-short about Ernst and Heinrich (and, by association, Stocke and Heiss) because I guess that’s what I always write about in this damn fandom.

This Sweet Corrupting Reality : Basically the only parallel history I would have liked to see in Perfect Chronology, that is, Stocke wakes up and realizes he is now King Ernst of Granorg.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay, so lately I’ve been having 1) a weird sort of writer’s block with making posts on here, which is absolutely ridiculous because it’s not even actual writing and it’s not something I do for anyone except myself, but I’m so busy all the time that when I have free time and I go to write something it feels oddly pointless. I mean, it is pointless. It’s possible that it’s always been pointless and I’m now viewing rationally. But I’ve really enjoyed having an absolutely pointless outlet for writing down thoughts I have for several years, and I’d like to continue to enjoy that. And 2) Difficulty enjoying the TV comedy that I got really into a few years ago and started this blog for in the first place. Which I think is all right, that’s just a matter of interests changing to a different type of comedy. But also, I did have fun with that stuff, and would like to continue to have fun with that stuff sometimes.

So in an effort to be able to post stupid pointless things on here again, I thought I’d go through my video folder, and post what were some of my favourite things to re-watch last year when I wanted to put myself in a good mood. For pure, pointless entertainment.

Starting with The Last Leg, closing bit of their 2019 year-end special:

- Yeah, everything on TV is contrived an all that, also it might be slightly infantilizing to be too impressed about a disabled guy playing the piano? But to be fair, it is a disability that restricts the use of the part of the body that’s generally required for playing the piano. And it’s a sweet callback, to the second episode of The Last Leg, six years earlier, when Alex Brooker talked about how he’d performed East 17’s It’s Alright as a teenager. But obviously not on the piano at the time. Now he’s doing it on the piano despite the lack of fingers on and singing it on TV. It’s nice.

- It know the name of so many British boy bands because of all the Never Mind the Buzzcocks I’ve watched. I didn’t know who East 17 was a few years ago. I do now. I know about Take That. I know about West Life. I know about Blur. I know about Boyzone. I know about JLS.

- Love how after Alex’s verse, they give Josh exactly one line to sing. The Last Leg is always doing songs, and normally it’s just Adam, very occasionally Alex participates, sometimes the guests do. Josh will occasionally say, in a jokingly self-deprecating way, that he doesn’t participate in those because he can’t sing. On the very rare occasions, such as this one, when they do have him participate, we realize that he’s not joking, he does mean it when he says he cannot sing.

- And then, out of seemingly nowhere, Johnny Vegas comes out from behind the bar and tears it up. This was probably more impressive when I watched it in context, after seeing Johnny Vegas turn up on a bunch of episodes around that time being drunk and useless. Obviously I loved his presence on there, but it did become clear that he wasn’t useless in a way that was scripted to be funny, it was a live show and he kept showing up drunk and doing stupid things. Which made it all the better when he suddenly shed everything useless about himself, and it turns out, he can… I almost wrote “rap”, but that’s not the right word. It’s not really singing either. Whatever it is, Johnny Vegas can perform. He got to where he is for a reason. After we all clap for Alex living his dream of performing his song and Josh being given a line as a participation trophy, we get to marvel at Johnny being actually good. It’s so unexpected and he’s so cool.

- And then they give the mic to Alex Horne, because it’s so clear that they’ve decided, okay, the show’s hosts have gotten to do their little thing, now we do have to hear from someone who actually does musical performances for a living. Someone who can sing. Alex Horne isn’t even an amazing singer, but he does sing in a sort of real band, and you can feel the level of competence kick up a notch when he takes the song over.

- I don’t think Josh Widdicombe is playing that guitar for real.

- Fucking love Sue Perkins have the time of her life on that bar stool. Sara Pascoe dancing along, looking like she’s having fun, but clearly conscious of looking like she’s having fun. Sue Perkins… I mean, the thing with her hands in the air while she dances might be an act to look like she’s having fun, but if so, then what a dorky act. She’s great. (Sara Pascoe is also great, to be clear, together they represent two different types of awkward sitting side by side and listening to a boy band song. Good stuff.)

- Alex Horne appears to have forgotten he’s on TV and is just caught up in what Johnny Vegas has going on, at one point starts jumping up and down.

- Then we have Adam Hills coming out doing a drumming thing that’s meant to be Japanese. To celebrate the fact that, just on that episode, they’ve announced the very exciting news that Adam, Josh, and Alex will be traveling to Tokyo for the 2020 Olympics! Yep. That’s definitely going to happen. That’s the moment in rewatching this video that makes my stomach drop as I remember this is one of the least things all of them did before the world ended.

- And then, out of nowhere, while we’re focusing on the weirdness of the Tokyo that didn’t happen, they cut to Sara Pascoe rapping? And doing it pretty well? Fucking right, Pascoe!

- Josh Widdicombe dances like Mr. Bean.

- Oh yeah, and then at the end Josh and Alex kiss for no reason (well there’s sort of a reason, it’s calling back to a discussion earlier in the episode of how they kissed at an award ceremony or something). What more could you want from an episode ender?

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

hey, how would you rank all the albums and singles that have been released so far in bts chapter 2? I'd love to read your thoughts

That's a tall order!

As far as albums go:

D-Day (Agust D's music speaks the most of me, although this is by far the worst album of the Agust D trilogy imo. Still, lyrically it's good and Snooze is a masterpiece)

Indigo (really good album, but not really my style, particularly songs like Closer. It's an easier listen than Mono but I still prefer the latter. RM's an amazing lyricist but I often can't connect with, or even understand, the way he writes)

Face (not a bad album, but also not my style, and less enjoyable and interesting than Indigo. SMF Pt. 2 and LC grew on me, and Letter is really sweet)

Layover (also not my style, and very safe, but super easy listening and the songs are surprisingly catchy)

JITB (Hobi challenged himself for sure, and I love More and Arson more than any track in Layover, but Hobi's rapping and singing tone, as well as some of the lyrics in JITB aren't very enjoyable to me. It's also not an easy listening album, so if it's not your style, it's not easy to enjoy it, but I admire a lot Hobi's range and what he accomplished with this album)

On to singles/collabs, which is half of chapter 2 lmao, let's see...

That That (does this count as chapter 2? It's just fun and iconic)

Sexy Nukim (this song slaps so hard it might be tied for number 1)

Don't Ever Say Love Me (amazing song and RM sounds so so good and sexy, but I admittedly haven't listened to it much)

Smoke Sprite (really good song too, RM sure knows how to choose his collabs, he's been doing so well in chapter 2)

Take Two (honestly not sure if I should put this third or here? It's hard to compare an OT7 song with solo songs, or to compare indie with pop. I do think it lacks something though, but it has some great vocals and is emotional to listen to)

Seven (I listen to Seven the most. I'm Jungkook biased and his voice is so soothing to me. Seven has some excellent vocals and the instrumental is really nice. It's a good song with bad lyrics and an unnecessary feature. It had so much potential. Imagine what Jungkook could've done with Latto's part and wittier lyrics. This song could've jumped a few spots up, at least. I'm probably being unfair and should move this further up the list tbh)

Dreamers (I listen to it a lot. It's hype and I like Jungkook's voice, but it's also a bit ugly? When you listen to it it's fun, but it's a bit ugly too haha. I love how dynamic it is. Jungkook did a great job, especially performing it live. It's iconic)

On the street (I like the song quite a bit, though it's emotional to me, but I don't like J. Cole's part, aside from his adlibs. His verses are too long and he even brought religion into it. It's a great song, but I put Dreamers ahead of it due to replay value. If I choose to listen to Dreamers more, then maybe I should put it first? Dunno)

The Planet (it's a nice, refreshing track, and it's nice to hear the members)

Vibe (it gets better the more you listen to it, and I like how Jimin and Taeyang sang. Should it be number 8 or 9? It's hard to decide!)

The Astronaut (I can't listen to The Astronaut without crying. I love the song, and it has a lot of meaning to all of us, but it's not super impressive. It doesn't have much replay value)

Rush Hour (haven't listened to it much, but it's cool)

Left and Right (I've listened to it more than most other songs so I enjoy it more, in a way, and it's not much worse than Vibe or Rush Hour. The instrumental is nice, but the song would be so, so much better it it was just Jungkook... He elevates basic pop songs so well - easy, catchy and fun instrumentals, paired up with Jungkook's polished, clear yet raspy, vocals, makes for the best combo)

Bad Decisions (this is one song no one cared for. I think my mom's the only person who really liked it lmao)

I haven't listened to Angel pt.1 or pt.2 because of what's his face. I listened to pt. 1 in JK's live and that was enough. Jimin didn't have many lines from what I remember.

Am I missing something? Please let me know and I'll edit the post lmao. Thanks for the ask! What do you think about my rankings? What are yours?

[be-good-be-safe-be-kind]

journal

today's been… okay, i guess. had to do another ptsd eval as a check-up/update for insurance, one of those 'on a scale of zero to four, rank these things' which is never fun because while i can figure out the 'never's and 'every day's, it's the bits in between that are harder to place. and also the wording of rank how these things impacted 'you' in the past month. kinda hard when 'you' is somehow a constant presence and absence at the same time. and then there's also the nuances of each question, which i had to ask therapist for clarification and we couldn't really settle things. like how often are you impacted by memories of event vs impacted by body sensations of shakes and things like that and it's like what do you mean memories don't always have visceral physical reactions? then we briefly discussed the upcoming chag and how that's probably gonna shake some things loose up here -taps forehead- and not looking forward to that. with or without the weather being cold, or actively participating in holiday things, winter is winter, and it's a hate/love thing. managed to go to the grocery store after and tried tuning out the christmas carols and blocking out the holiday stuff everywhere, but then i still had to walk back to the house and pass up decorations on every storefront and every other lawn (shout out to the house with a giant inflatable pink unicorn, no tinsel or cheesy slogan or anything else up) and it fucking sucks. not the decorations themselves, those are mostly cool (see ^) but that i can't exist for more than a few hours at most because everything is a fucking trigger and i'm exhausted after a day of not even doing much.

speaking of memories. i went looking on youtube for something to listen to while working on nanowrimo, and stumbled upon a full set of a sort of reunion tour set from what might be my favorite band. put earbuds in instead of quietly using the laptop's speakers because i could tell there were going to be 'dial it up to eleven' moments, and also because i needed to drown out the holiday music. and it's nice, real energetic and familiar but also it's hard to listen to. not from a musical perspective, exactly, (there's maybe one song on piano and the stage banter is all right) but because of how many memories it's bringing up and things i didn't even realize were things. like i'm ten now, with a secondhand cd player and headphones with crackling foam snuck under my pillow, keeping the volume on minimum to keep one ear on the door and another on the baby in case we had to move. that's wild, man. not entirely unsurprising, especially considering mentioned other sounds as negative triggers while doing the eval, so why does it seems shocking that there are kinda positive sounds as well? not that hypervigilance is exactly happy, and some of the specific songs are associated with specific places less warm than a couple coats on a mattress, but some are also with the bittersweet shit. humming along with the records to shush the baby. letting the lyrics wash over me, wanting to be optimistic of there being a possibility of a great escape and knowing even as a kid that it's just a high school fantasy.

i'm fourteen now and doing sit-ups in the dingy school gym to avoid lunch, tiny ipod in my hoodie sleeve, rolling my eyes at the irony of listening to a song about running from jesus while hiding in the corner of orthodox school. i'm eighteen and rather than writing my tehillim final about which chapter and specific verses i'd recite every day or which one always gives me hope, i pick the final track off the album with the bleeding heart and, in typical emo kid fashion, say that if i did have to select a psalm it would be lines 2-3 of 22 ('my god, why have you forsaken me…'). sure, i knew as well as i knew at ten that just go is easier said than done, that you shouldn't spend your whole life holding on, but i also knew no one was listening to me, anyway, so i might as well doodle around some lyrics and call it a day. i also had absolutely no vocabulary or concept of trauma (aside from having shoah survivors visit our classrooms since kindergarten, and i obviously didn't experience anything like that, so there's nothing for me to complain about), and by extension, the words to say that i can't simply go because everything means something to me and fucks with my head. i'm twentysomething and sitting on a park swing, music on my phone, kicking leaves and mentally kicking myself for ever thinking there's a possibility of being anything other than stuck in the middle. 

i'm sitting here today, all of these things flowing in and out of my head and through my body during the course of an hour and forty-five minutes. i've felt more in the past day than i have in a while, and i don't know how to feel about that.

[goforth-ladymidnight]

Hello, it's me I'm the problem your secret santa again!! Your gift is coming along nicely! Today I wanted to ask what song(s) you associate with Tamlin/Briar or/and what are your favorite songs in general 🎅

Hello! ❤️

Before I start this list, let me just say that I'm so, so eager to see the finished piece! *excited hand clapping*

I’m not sure how to describe my taste in music, except “hodgepodge”. I’m one of the rare people in this fandom who is not a “Swiftie”. 😐 I like a handful of her songs, but that tends to be true with most of the artists I listen to, especially the conventionally popular artists. I like a song or two, and that’s about it. (So... Can we still be friends? haha)

On to the list! I went through my YouTube likes, the songs on my phone, Spotify, etc., and here are a handful of songs that feel very Brilin to me.

1. “Can’t Help Falling in Love (With You)”. It’s a simple classic love song, and the lyrics are so perfect. Cliche, maybe, cheesy, sure, but I like it anyway. 🥰 Fun fact, the lyrics were originally written for a woman’s perspective, so the verse: “Shall I stay, Would it be a sin, If I can’t help, Falling in love with him?” was changed when Elvis recorded it. A few of my favorite covers can be found on YouTube, if you want to check them out: Chase Eagleson (male cover); Alyssa Baker (female cover); as well as Boyce Avenue (male cover, also one of my absolute favorite cover artists).

2. “Monster” by Imagine Dragons [for Tamlin]

3. “Fix You” by Coldplay - cover by Alex Goot

4. “Start of Time” by Gabrielle Aplin [for Briar]

5. “Carry You” by Ruelle, Fleurie

Honorable Mention: "Dandelions" by Ruth B. [I've seen this song recommended for both Feylin and Brilin, and while I do like it, it's -obviously- not in my top 5.]

I think that’s a good start. 😊 I have mood/ambient music I listen to for writing, but I thought you might prefer music with words.

You also asked what my favorite songs in general are, so if you’ll indulge me, I will say that my overall vibe lately would probably qualify as Easy Listening. One of my all-time favorite songs that just haunts me is “Wicked Game” as covered by Ursine Vulpine and Annaca. The lyrics would probably fit Feysand better than any other ACOTAR couple, but I discovered it before I joined the fandom, so even though that’s not my favorite ship, I still love the song and replay it often.

Lewis Capaldi is one of the few artists whose work I’ve played on repeat as well, and the covers on YouTube are just as good, especially “Someone You Loved” by Jennel Garcia. Beyond that, Josh Groban, Hayley Westenra, Adele... I seem to prefer Easy Listening to Pop, but like I said, if I like the song, it goes into my collection. Some of the pop artists I still listen to include N*Sync, the Backstreet Boys, and Britney Spears (from my teenage years). In case you couldn’t guess, yes, I was a 90s kid. 😁

I had a lot of fun going through my music. I even found a few oldies but goodies to add to my rotation, so thanks for that. 💞 And thanks for dropping by! As always, my inbox is open. 😊

[le-souriant]

#MusicMonday Review - January 2024

#MusicMonday is the hashtag I've been using for quite a while to share music recommendations from up-and-coming artists. Always fresh, and always different, trying to look for trends before they become one. You can check December's review for more music.

Welcome to 2024. We begin this year with an all-English multi-genre round up, with just a taste of current Mexican Pop. Give it a listen, with a word from the artists themselves. 🎧

VIANA – LOCA

Esto apenas va empezar Ya me cansé de qué me inyecten su veneno Muchos sólo hablan pocos somos los que hacemos La voz que llevo dentro afónica ha de estar Hago como que no escucho y no para de gritar

Oye, despierta, date cuenta, ellos no te verán capaz A fin de cuentas, no te mientas, eso tú sabías ya

Ellos intentan, poco a poco, tu ánimo aplastar Mientras más traten, ya ganaste Eso no olvides jamás

The year starts with a bang, straight from Torreón, Mexico. A sincere Latin Pop track about having a dream, and fighting for it, despite what other people might think:

"I started writing this song some time ago, when I had several opinions regarding my decision as to pursuing a singing career. I was, in a way, mad that people doubted I could be able to do so.

LOCA is my response to the criticism, showing them exactly that I'm not crazy for fighting for my dream. And if they thought I would give up, they couldn't be more wrong, since I have a ton of music to share and be heard."

Viduals – Where Did the Time Go?

Caught between forever and after You and me erased, erased, erased

We fly now to Swindon, England, for an Alternative Rock song that takes us to the process of a couple falling to nothing, with many excuses to make:

"The song came about as an exploration into relationships. The track initially started as a bit of a break up song, we wrote the track when we were around 18/19 so it's an older one.

It kinds became less relevant over time so it went through a few iterations. The track evolved over time and now I'd say it charts the whole course of a relationship.

The first verse is the beginning of the relationship where things are hopeful, the second verse things are more shaky, the bridge represents the parting/break up and the outro is the acceptance of this. The track isn't really about anyone in particular it’s more about the theme itself."

Candid Faces – Telephonophobia

You better run, fear leaking out of your pores You better hide, never distant from a buzz or a chime You better run, better lock up all of your doors You better hide, I think they’re slipping into our minds

Let's travel north to Kingston upon Hull, in Yorkshire, for some Post Punk bliss about those silicone spies that reside in our pockets, as band member Joe explains:

"The song started with [band members] Taro and Ben writing the riff and I thought it would suit the song to write lyrics with a lot of nervous energy to them.

The main thing I wanted to write about was privacy in the digital age, I feel like there's a lot of weird aspects to how we interact with technology, as in how companies seem to primarily make the consumer the product through selling their data. I think at the time there was a lot of controversy around Facebook/Meta and data privacy which probably inspired me more than anything.

It was fun working on this EP because it feels like we all had something to offer each track which I think you can really hear on this!!".

Matt Edible & the Obtuse Angels – Mirror Shoes

Look at me I'm vitamin C A picture of health Ain't nothin' but stealth In my Mirror Shoes

I'm a man of the people I'm the best of The Beatles I'm crack cocaine I'm Citizen Kane I'm True Romance I'm The Modern Dance In my Mirror Shoes

We stay in Hull, for a Glam Rock track that will make you put on your suit, head into work, act like a hero, and may end up a jerk:

"A few years ago my partner bought me a shiny pair of platform shoes for Christmas. I loved them so much I declared I'm gonna write a song about these!

The song kind of wrote itself.

It's kind of about the duality of being a rock star that has to do a normal job everyday to pay the bills. It's also about the good and bad in everyone - though some may be better or worse than others..."

The Flitz – Night On My Mind

Right time, wrong decision Feel like going fishing 🐟 New day, do the same thing Get paid, gonna waste it on you What else can I do? Cos you gotta get around in this dead end town

Don't know what you're living for You just want more Sick of everyone who's waiting at the door Everything's gonna be working out in time Into shoetown, night on my mind

We end up our trip in West London, for an Indie Pop song about how a night out in town can be saved by some good ol' rock n roll:

"On the train to my hometown (Northampton) I always saw this massive wall graffiti on the tracks of Euston, platform 6. That's where I got the title from and the lyric “into shoe town, Night On My Mind”. Northampton is historically famous for making shoes, hence shoe town".

#MusicMonday 2023

We say goodbye to 2023 with this year's compilation. 101 titles from original artists covering all types of genres, representing the multiple trends independent artists are proud to establish. Have a listen:

Get into 2024, and much more, on the complete Playlist:

[lynsburner]

UU, as i said, CERTIFIED NO SKIP. francesca is for sure my favourite song on the album, though first time is a verrry close second.

damage gets done is just so 🤲🏼🤲🏼 like idk how to describe it?? it just gives me shivers. i may be interpreting it differently, but it hits very very close to home for me tbh. i end up teary eyed every time i listen to it. also BRANDI?? automatic banger. i don't make the rules, sorry. (also heard it in a no frills once and had to stop myself from breaking down in tears)

unknown / Nth is heartbreakingly beautiful, it just makes me cry. when will mr. hozier-byrne stop making me so emotional? it’s frankly unfair. maybe i can sue for undue mental anguish…

both first light and i, carrion genuinely might be the most beautiful, ethereal songs ive heard in a MINUTE. like they feel like what you'll hear at the pearly gates or smth, they make me a bit teary, but idk. just love them sm.

i didn't go to any shows, unfortunately. everything is so expensive in toronto atm, it's ridiculous. hozier tickets for $120+?? with what money when groceries are at an all time high?? 😭 maybe next time 😔

i do want some merch, though, i might get some at some point soon. but more than anything i need a UU toque. like, the daisy embroidered on it? would buy automatically, take my money PLEASE 💳💥💳💥

regarding your fics.. lyn, you broke my heart. and healed it, yeah, but still. i had to take so many breaks while reading both HIATT and WKYA just to take a breath. truthfully, going into them i didn’t think anything could top GRATKOL, and now i realize that they don’t have to. they’re all so good in different ways, like GOD. it’s incredible. idk how many times ive reread all of your work these past couple months, they always bring so much comfort, and i love you for that 🥹

anyway, this was long. oops? 🤍🤍🤍

Long questions require long answers, so be prepared.

Let's go Francesca nation!!!!!!! (It came out on my birthday, ok, I hold a special kinship with her). It also (and please don't laugh at me for this) reminds me so much of like a 2008 Jonas brothers song IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. When I first heard it, I remember texting my friends "wow he's like if Nick Jonas could read." lol

First Light might be one of my favorite album closers ever like genuinely it's so fucking good. And I, carrion was one of the first ones to get me to cry when I listened to the full thing (and did you hear he wrote that for his partner at the time as a gift?????? The song about the TRAGEDY??? My dude are you ok?????)

Also ok I need to admit that UU is not a no skip album for me... only because I skip unknown for my own sake. Seriously, I have only heard it live and I cried both times I did (My friends have made a whatsapp sticker of me crying to it as a joke lmao). The second verse always gets me good ™.

And damage gets done???? Fucking BANGER and just so fun and all about how like younger generations are being screwed by the ones before them like ok???? And shout out to the "Anyway..." in first time like he is truly a fellow millennial.

As for merch, his is.... so bad like I'm sorry I got the poster at my show because it was the only thing his ass did not draw. But I have a friend who does some stuff on redbubble, lemme pass the daisy idea on. And yeah, that ticket price is unfortunately the average down here in the city (and luckily I got paid the day before the 2024 leg went on sale lmao)

As for the writing, thank you so much my friend. Like from the bottom of my fucking heart you are truly so kind and wonderful and complementary and I really do not deserve it. Thank you for all that you do and say and I hope you're having the most amazing day

PS: Work might bring me to Vancouver for some stuff within the next few years. I know you said you're near Toronto, but if you have any Vancouver recs, lemme know!