#might add a graphic at a later date but i just wanted it out!!

[lookalikeds]

      estrella   soto   is   a   twenty   five  year-old   figure   skater   in   new   york,   u.s.a.   they   were   brought   under   richard’s   care   when   they   were   only   five   years   old.   they   are   known   as   the   lookalike   because   they   are   lithesome   but   also   disillusioned.

𓂅 *  ⋆  BASICS   .

FULL   NAME.     estrella   luciana   soto. MEANING.     spanish  ,   “  star.  ” NICKNAMES.     ella  ,   ellie  ,   este  ,   ells  ,   she   accepts   any   and   all   variations. AGE.     twenty   five. BIRTHDATE.     seventh   of   march   in   the   year   nineteen   eighty. PLACE   OF   BIRTH.     tuscon  ,   arizona.  WESTERN   ZODIAC.     pisces. GENDER   IDENTITY.     cis   woman  ,   she   &   her. ORIENTATION.     demisexual   ,   biromantic. NATIONALITY.     american. SPOKEN   LANGUAGES.     english   and   spanish. OCCUPATION.     professional   figure   skater. CURRENT   RESIDENCE.     an   apartment   in   greenwich   village  ,   nyc   that   she   shares   with   her   occasional   skate   partner   turned   roommate   turned   situationship  ,   brando(n).

𓂅 *  ⋆  PHYSICAL   .

HEIGHT.     five   foot  ,   one   inch. BUILD.     petite  ,   fit  ,   lithe   -   particularly   on   an   ice   rink. FACE   CLAIM.     jenna   ortega. HAIR.     dark   brown  ,    an   almost   black   that   reaches   below   her   shoulders   with   curtain   bangs   to   frame   her   face.   generally   worn   in   loose   curls  and   half   up  ,   half   down   styles   that   can   be   easily   pinned   up   for   skating. EYES.     big  ,   round   and   warm   brown…   in   a   word  ,   doe-like. NOTABLE   FEATURES.     aforementioned   doe-eyes  ,   various   scrapes   and   bruises   from   missteps   on   the   ice  ,   long   lashes   and   a   dark   scattering   of   freckles   across   her   nose   and   cheeks. SCENT.     wild   strawberry  ,   pink   jasmine  ,   patchouli   and   amber  ,   reminiscent   of   miss   dior   cherie. TATTOOS.     a   little   butterfly   on   her   left   shoulder   blade. PIERCINGS.     two   lobe   piercings   on   each   ear   in   addition   to   an   orbital   on   her   right. DOMINANT   HAND.     ambidextrous   but   favours   her   right.

𓂅 *  ⋆  PSYCHE   .

MYERS   -   BRIGGS.     enfj-t  ,   the   protagonist. MORAL   ALIGNMENT.     neutral   good. TRAITS.   balletic  ,   disillusioned  ,   driven  ,   guarded  ,   haunted  ,   independent  ,   keen  ,   resilient  ,   rueful  ,   tender. QUIRKS.     remarkably   flexible  ,   she   bites   her   lip   in   thought  ,   toys   with   jewellery   when   uncomfortable  ,   never   fails   to   keep   a   neat   manicure   and   rests   in   stances   one   might   recognise   to   be   ballet   positions. VICES.     a   true   workaholic  ,   she   maintains   a   very   healthy   lifestyle   but   does   occasionally   drink   and   smoke   socially.

𓂅 *  ⋆  INTERESTS   &   HOBBIES   .

INTERESTS.     choreography   and   dance  ,   theatre   of   every   variety   -   lincoln   centre   is   a   favourite   of   hers   for   their   opera   &   ballet   seasons  ,   classical   music   and   most   recently  ,   the   cold   case   of   winifred   woodrow. HOBBIES.      fitness  ,   theatregoing  ,   cabaret   club   nights   and   uploading   free   dance   skating   routines   onto   (   a   newly   launched   )   youtube   -   brando   choreographs   and   then   they   perform   them together for funsies.  SPECIAL   SKILLS. an  accomplished   dancer   who   still   practises   ballet   to   this   day  ,   remarkably   high   endurance  and  muscle  memory  due   to   her   training   and   profession  ,   uncanny   ability   to   internalise   her   feelings.

𓂅 *  ⋆  BECOMING   A   WARD   .

tw   :   teenage  pregnancy,   child   abandonment   and   implied   endangerment.

it  became  a  regional  news  story.   statewide,   people  seemingly  fascinated  by  how  any  parent  could  dream  of  abandoning  their  child,   let  alone  in  such  a  callous  fashion. 

estrella  had  only  recently  turned  five  when  her  not-much-older-than-teenage  parents  dropped  her  off  at  kindergarten  one  morning  only  to  fail  in  picking  her  up  again  later  that  day.   try  as  teachers  and  later,   police  sergeants  might,   there  was  no  getting  ahold  of  them.   with  little  known  and  much  speculated,   many  would  soon  arrive  at  the  conclusion  that  the  young  couple  had  fled  the  country  to  start  anew,   leaving  behind  the  small  daughter  they’d  come to  look  upon  as  an  unwanted  burden.

one  such  person,   who  took  immense  pity  on  the  girl,   was  a  connection  richard  held  at  the  newly-launched  CNN.   an  attentive  news  reporter  by  the  name  of  julian  esparza  was  keenly  aware  of  the  philanthropist’s  efforts  to  offer  up  his  home  to  young  individuals  in  need  of  safety  and  stability  and  recommended  richard  meet  with  little  estrella  as  soon  as  he  could.   whatever  it  was  that  richard  saw  in  the  five  year  old  girl  that  day  (  likely  the  spirit  and  semblance  of  his  long  lost  daughter  )  caused  the  man’s  heart  to  bleed  and  within  a  week  the  paperwork  had  been  signed  and  estrella  was  on  the  way  to  her  new  home.

𓂅 *  ⋆  LIFE   AS   A   WARD   .

being  not  only  one  of  the  earliest  wards  to  arrive  but  also  the  very  youngest  of  them  all,   estrella’s  status  as  baby  sister  of  the  house  never  really  strayed  from  the  stereotypes.   spoiled  and  resilient,   she  was  a  paradox  amongst  the  wards  in  how  she  seemed  to  possess  the  least  agency  but  carry  the  highest  status.

it’s  a  unique  sense  of  imposter  syndrome,   she  summises   —   bearing  the  unfathomable  weight  of  another’s  lost  girlhood.   cursed  princess  with  her  whole  life  ahead  of  her,   she  was  a  little  girl  walking  so  unknowingly  into  the  tall  shadow  of  the  daughter  who’d  come  before.   from  the  very  beginning,   richard  had  never  been  particularly  shy  in  how  he  doted  on  young  estrella.   freely  showering  her  in  the  paternal  affection  the  past  had  robbed  them  both  of  and  to  a  little  girl  who’d  been  abandoned  by  her  own  parents,  being  made  to  feel  so  wanted  was  all  she  could  have  dreamt  of. he  was  her  father  in  all  but  name.

outwardly,   she  was  a precocious  and  spirited  young  girl,   all  pink  cheeks  and  toothy  grins,   perpetually  in  awe  of  those  she  shared  a  home  with,   their  varied  and  abundant  talents  drawing  her  wide-eyed  wonder.   until  she  took to  the  ice  for  the  first  time,   you’d   see  her  following  fellow  wards  around,   hoping  to  catch  a  glimpse  of  whatever  it  was  they  were  up  to  before  being  told  she  was  too  young  or  too  small  and  relegated  to  sitting  on  the  sidelines.   it  was  a  pattern  of  behaviour  that,   although  adapted,   would  follow  her  until  she  left  woodrow.

for  try  as  she  might,   amidst  the  attention  from  richard  she  so  enjoyed,   the  wards  did  not  warm  to  estrella  the  way  she  hoped  they  would.   their  caretaker’s  favouritism  for  the  surrogate  daughter  he’d  found  in  estrella  had  planted  the  seed  of  resentment  and  in  turn,   stifled  and  isolated  her  entirely.   it  was  in  this  eventual  seclusion  that  she  learnt  the  value  of  independence  and  began  throwing  herself  into  skating  completely,   suddenly  glad  for  the  chance  to  thrive  all  on  her  own  the  way  she’d  watched  the  other  wards  do.

she  grew  reticent,   internalising  all  she  felt  for  the  sake  of  whatever  semblance  of  a  family  she  still  wanted  to  cling  to.   the  same  would  eventually  be  said  of  the  response  estrella  had  to  an  equally  crushing  realisation…   that  she’d  never  quite  compare  to  a  dead  girl.

the  rosy  retrospection  of  childhood  had  begun  to  fade.   estrella  can’t  ever  pinpoint  a  specific  moment  in  which  things  changed  for  them  but  gradually,   over  time,   when  she  would  come  to  meet  richard’s  eye…   her  heart  sank.  in  the  midst  of  reminiscing,   she  could  feel  he  wasn’t  looking  back  at  her  at  all  but  rather  at  winifred…   or  whatever  semblance  of  his  daughter  he’d  long  been  projecting  onto  estrella.   it  was  an  all  too  painful  revelation,   one  that  haunted  her  from  that  point  on.

more  than  anything,  estrella  wanted  to  escape  her  own  skin.   flee  from  any  part  of  herself  tied  to  the  woodrow  daughter  who  had  so  mysteriously  disappeared  that  bleak  midwinter  night.   this  striking  resemblance  that  had  changed  her  life  and  been  the  cause  of  all  her  woe.   had  anyone  accepted  her  for  who  she  truly  was?

despite  the  fierce  independence  she’d  adopted,   estrella  still  found  herself  clinging  to  the  father  she’d  once  known  him  to  be.   looking  on  in  rumination,   she’d  wonder  (  at  length  )   if  his  love  for  her  was  at  all  genuine…    never  once  risking  the  inevitable  confrontation  out  of  fear  for  the  loss  that  would  follow.   instead,   keeping  it  bottled  up  once  again.   distancing  herself  little  by  little  until  she  was  out  and  away  in  the  world  —  determined  to  be  known  as  more  than  ‘the  substitute  daughter’,  ‘the  favourite’  or  ‘the  lookalike.’   her  own  person,   at  last.

although  she  was  never  too  far  away…   and  when  richard  called,   she  could  do  nothing  else  but  gladly  answer.

𓂅 *  ⋆  AESTHETIC   .

distinctly  feminine,   very  gabriella  from  high  school  musical  core  with  her  wrap  cardigans  and  ballet  flats.   though  as  an  athlete,   she’s  an  athleisure  girly  through  and  through.   leotards,   leggings,   matching  sets.   day-to-day,   she  really  favours  layers  that  she  can  easily  take  off  and  put  back  on  during  training.   the  odd  tracksuit  here  and  there.   even  if  it’s  warm  outside,   you’d  usually  see  her  with  a  puffer  jacket  on  hand  because  the  rink  is  so  cold. on  more  formal  occasions,   she  opts  for  mini  dresses  and  heels  to  help  give  the  illusion  she’s  taller  (  weeps  in  5’1”  )  and  accessorizes  with  a  sweet  bow  or  two  in  her  hair. 

you’ll  always  see  her  wearing  her  charm  bracelet  however.   it  was  a  present  from  richard  when  estrella  first  joined  her  skate  club  and  each  time  she’d  compete,   he’d  add  a  charm.   they’re  all  stars,   in  honour  of  her  name.

𓂅 *  ⋆  EDUCATION   .

estrella  was  homeschooled  throughout  all  her  time  at  woodrow.   as  figure  skating  became  more  and  more  of  a  serious  pursuit,   it  seemed  easier  to  contain  her  schooling  to  the  house.   less  distractions  that  way.   her  coach  was  certainly  in  favour  of  it.   perhaps  it  was  the  people  pleaser  in  her,   the  ‘perfect  daughter’  of  it  all  but  she  also  maintained  straight  a’s  too.   it  came  as  no  surprise  when  she  applied  to  richard’s  alma  mater  of  kingsbury  college  and  got  in  on  a  skating  scholarship.   the  real  twist  being  that  she  soon  deferred  in  order  to  commit  to  her  sport  full  time  and  has  yet  to  return  to  kingsbury  to  finish  said  degree.

𓂅 *  ⋆  EXTRACURRICULARS   .

figure  skating,   also  known  as  her  entire  world.   estrella  had  been  a  baby  ballerina  prior  to  being  taken  into  richard’s  care  and  he  quickly  accommodated  for  that  love  of  hers  with  a  continuation  in  lessons.   however  by  the  second  winter  she  spent  at  woodrow  house,   he  was  soon  introducing  her  to  the  frozen  pond  on  the  grounds  and  she  took  to  skating  it  like  a  duck  to  water.   

other pursuits include literature,   musical  theatre  and  classical  music.   their  occasional  outings  as  a  ‘family’  to  see  operas  and  ballets  very  much  inspired  her.

𓂅 *  ⋆  THEIR   LIFE   NOW   .

estrella  only  left  woodrow  house  three  years  ago  and  even  then,   living  in-state  meant  she  was  still  a  fairly  regular  visitor.   she’d  moved  into  the  city  in  order  to  be  closer  to  her  skating  club,   other  rinks  she  frequented  and  transport  for  national  and  international  competitions.   being  only  a  three  hour  drive  away  however,   meant  most  national  holidays  were  spent  there  at  richard’s  side,  the  odd  special  occasion  and  long  weekend  too.

in  nyc,   she  shares  a  modest  apartment  with  brandon,   better  known  as  brando.   they  used  to  skate  together  at  the  same  club  before  he  recently  retired  to  pursue  choreography  at  a  nearby  dance  studio.   there’s  always  been  lingering  romantic  tension  there  but  most  of  all,   he’s  her  biggest  cheerleader  and  a  helpful  objective  party  regarding  all  things  woodrow.

all  the  while,   estrella’s  been  forging  her  own  destiny.   she’s  been  competing  internationally  at  the  top  of  her  discipline  for  years  at  this  point.   (  a  writing  guide  on  figure  skaters  advised  not  to  go  into  specifics  about  competitions  bc  it’s  a  lot  so,   i  won’t  but  let’s  just  say  she’s  a  pretty  decorated  athlete  and   represented  team  usa  at  the  2002  winter  olympics  in  salt  lake  city  and  was  in  the  midst  of  training  for  the  2006  games  before  richard’s  death.  )   what  she  loves  most  of  all  though  is  getting  to  step  out  as  herself.   on  the  ice,   the  only  narrative  being  spun  is  the  one  she  creates.   it’s  a  level  of  control  she  enjoys  (  and  dreads  giving  up  upon  her  return  to  woodrow  house.  )   whilst  she  came  to  woodrow  house  seeking  a  family,   she  left  seeking  visibility  and  acceptance  and  in  skating,   estrella  truly  found  that.

[strniohoeee]

reader is down bad for matt, like she blushes, giggles, goes mute whenever he's around and he kinda enjoys it and one day he finally asks her to go an a date and it ends super fluffy

She’s Got It Bad

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N was out of her mind in love with Matt, but she was shy. Which left her in awkward silent situations until one day Matt puts his foot down! 🌷

Warnings⚠️: None?? Writing kind of sucks also sorry if there’s grammatical errors I never proof read till two days later after I post lolll😭

Song for imagine: This Is How It Feels- D4vd, Laufey

So this is how it feels

To fall in love with you

To always think of you

To always dreams of you

You know when you’re reading or watching a romance book or movie, and one of those super cheesy slow mo scenes happen? Where an 80s love song is queued and the two love interests stare at each other while their hair oh so dainty blows in the wind? And you’re curling your toes as your heart beats for the next scene to happen? Just thinking “I need more! Give me more!” And then it goes back to reality and they end up walking right past one another….

And it wraps you into this hour and a half or 230 page book/movie about the girl wanting the guy….but the guy not really wanting her or simply seeing her as a sister or painfully shoving her in the friend zone? And you’re itching for more. Tired of this back and forth of who will get one another first?

And if you said yes to any of those questions then you are sure looking at my life right now…stuck painfully stuck in the friend zone. Mainly because I put myself there. Let's face it, I'm deeply afraid of rejection. Why ruin something that is virtually perfect.

I had it bad for Matt and I’m not so sure he felt the same way, but I’d never in a million years ever jump at that. I’d rather rip my ears off and tape them to the concrete and then run them over consistently for an hour… okay a bit graphic and a bit over the top but you get the point. He’s off limits and I’ve got it bad for him…

Most of our interactions consisted of short conversations, me blushing like an idiot and even sometimes going silent..offering a nod here and there. It’s even gotten to the point of having to leave the hangout because I was so nervous around him. I mean what if I said something that he found cringey? What if I embarrassed myself which I tend to do a lot might I add? Or even worse…what if he didn’t find me funny?

All these terrible instances bounced off my brain like a bullet ricocheting off of metal walls. As I sat chewing my lip, suddenly my thoughts were interrupted

“Helloooooo” I heard loudly from the other end of the phone call

Blinking out of my trance I soon realized I had been on the phone.

“I’m sorry Nick I got side tracked” I replied gripping the phone again

“Yeah I can tell you went rogue for like 3 minutes there, did you even hear what I asked you?” He asked laughing

“Uhhh yeah and I think you should go with the yellow shirt” I replied praying I wasn’t so far off from what he was talking about

“That was like 10 minutes ago, I asked are you coming or what?” He said huffing

“I’m sorry? Coming? Where?” I asked again as I furrowed my eyebrows

“This is why I don’t call you, you have the attention span of a fly” he said laughing which caused me to laugh

“I’m sorryyyy I was thinking about something” I replied to him

“Aren’t you always… I was asking if you were coming over tonight for movie night?” He said shuffling around

“Ohhh duhh of course I never miss Saturday nights with you” I said getting up to pack my overnight back

“Even though Matt and Chris are joining us this time?” He asked

This is where I hadn’t been listening previously and I almost choked on my saliva trying to form a proper answer.

“Uh.. *ahem* yes of course they can join us” I replied trying to seem chill

“Wow sooo nonchalant about that” he stated sarcastically

“Oh will you shut up” I replied stuffing my duffle bag

Nick opened his mouth to speak but on the other end it sounded like someone walked in his room

“Matt get the fuck out I’m on the phone” Nick said which made me laugh a bit

“Who are you talking to?” I heard Matt ask his brother

“Your girlfriend now fuck off” he said almost hissing at Matt

“NICK STOP” I squeaked over the phone

“I don’t have a girlfriend you sicko” Matt stated sounding annoyed…. I looked up at my imaginary camera (hmm how do I take that response) I thought.

Shaking that feeling off I returned to the call

“Okayyy bye nickkkk see you in a bit” I replied rushing him off the phone

Hanging up the call I sighed deeply… if I wasn’t already nervous to possibly run into Matt then oh boy was I in for a treat

Usually, Saturday nights were for Nick and I and I rarely ever ran into Matt or Chris. Usually it was Chris and him and I had a cool bond. We’d stop to hug and chat for a bit before Chris left to go out. And if I ever ran into Matt it was him leaving with Chris which prompted me to wave slightly and avoid all hugs. Rambling on about Nick needing me for something upstairs each time and not even giving them the chance to respond.

I usually shut my eyes and shook my head when I turned away from them and even muttered a few unkind words about myself to myself….

But tonight…tonight Matt was joining us which meant I couldn’t be awkward around him or else Nick would for sure point it out.

I had gotten to their house with dinner for all of us which we landed on chilis…. Good thing I was 21 I needed a to go drink…preferably strong!

Sitting in their living room as we all began to eat, Nick scrolled through Max as we sat on the floor with our food on the coffee table.

“We should watch Silver Linings Playbook I heard it was good” I said looking over at the tv as Nick had just passed the movie

“I’m down” Chris said shrugging his shoulders

Nick and I usually watched action movies where we’d see a bunch of sweaty hot men fighting bad guys. And most of those movies we’d just yell out if we’d smash the guys or not. I don’t know that Matt and Chris would want to take part in that so a rom-com was for the win!

Max was playing a few ads before the movie and as I was sipping my margarita in a styrofoam to go cup (how niche) Matt had called my name

Looking over at him I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Do you like rom-coms?” He asked me

I felt my ears getting hot and my face too….good thing I’m drinking and I can just blame it on the alcohol.

“I do, I love them actually” I replied nodding at him

“I love them too” he said smiling at me as he ate a fry

“Nice” I said nodding my head and looking over at the tv…why the fuck were their ads still playing? Squinting I turned back around to face him

“Uhh what’s your favorite?” I asked him clearing my throat

“I’d have to say 10 things I hate about you” he replied wiping his hands

“SHUT UP! Me too” I replied getting really excited and loud (blaming it on the alcohol once again)

“No way” he replied laughing

“No! like I swear! I have all the romance movies I’ve ever seen ranked in my notes app and 10 things I hate about you is number one, look see” I replied rambling as I opened up my app and showed him

His brows raised…an impressed look might I add

“Wow Y/N didn’t know you were such a hopeless romantic” he said winning at me

This made my heart flutter and my voice disappear? Sinking into my skin I nodded at him before turning to watch the tv

Throughout the whole movie I kept catching Matt looking at me but he’d look away quickly. This made my skin crawl in a good way though

The movie finished and I found myself emotional. I mean it wasn’t a sad movie but rather beautiful. Nick and Chris had gone to lay on the couch at some point in the movie.

So to no surprise Matt and I turned to find them fast asleep. Shaking our heads we cleaned up the living room and headed to the kitchen to place everything in the trash.

The hallway light illuminating the kitchen as I washed my hands

“I almost feel like Silver Linings Playbook is my number one rom-com” Matt and I both stated at the same time

Laughing I shut the water off and turned towards him

“I guess we really are similar” I said to him as I crossed my arms over my chest

“I suppose so, but I wouldn’t know you’re always running away from me” he said quietly

“Am not!” I replied standing up straight

“You’re always running away from me as fast as possible, you don’t hate me do you” he stated as he wiped down the table

“No” I replied watching his every move

“Then why do you run away? Do I stink?” He asked laughing

“No! You just happen to catch me when I’m busy” I say lying through my teeth

“Right…I suppose so, I do know how to get you at the right time though” he stated throwing the paper out

“Do you?” I asked cocking an eyebrow

“Yeah…when I take you on a date and have all your attention so we can really get to know each other”he says

“Well we’re friends so I do know you” I reply rolling my eyes

“No…know me on a different level that’s not…friends” he says smiling at me sweetly

“Not friends?” Was all I could mutter

“Just say yes to the date you loser” he replied shaking his head

“Yes..sorry yes I will go on a date with you” I replied shaking my head and giggling

“You’ve ever seen Notting Hill?” He suddenly asks me

“I actually haven’t” I stated

“Want to watch it?” He asked me

“But Chris and Nick are sleeping” I replied pointing over my shoulder

“You miss queues don’t you?” He asked cocking an eyebrow

“They don’t call me a ditz for nothing” I replied jokingly

He looked at me with adoration in his eyes for a moment before opening his mouth

“I mean with me…just me” he replied with soft eyes

“Oh....yeah” I replied breathlessly as I shook my head…am I that fucking stupid? I thought to myself

We shut off the tv and the hallway light. Matt led me to his room as I followed behind. It felt so foreign being in a room with a new undertone to it….more than friends

“You can sit closer I won’t bite” he says as he looks over at me

“Right, sorry” I say sitting closer to Matt against the headboard

The air felt awkward as we watched the movie, but Matt slid his arm over my shoulder and pulled me in

“I’m not a stranger” he replied as he snuggled me closer against him

Smiling against him I melted into his touch as we fell asleep to a romance movie. I guess being shy does work out in the end and I’ve always had it bad for Matt but after today? You’re for sure thinking

She’s got it bad!

The End

I wasn’t sure how to end this…it’s so HARD TO END A STORY WTFFFF. Anywho we’re almost at 2,600 followers🥹🥹. Yall I could cry this means so much to me I remember when I had hit 100 followers and I never thought I’d make it this far. I’m so eternally grateful for you all😩🖤🖤. I know I don’t update three times a day everyday like I used to, but I’m so glad yall are sticking around till this day when I post once to twice a week every two weeks. I don’t deserve you, thank yall so much🥹💕💕💕. Stay tuned for more work baes

-J💅🏽

[princessofgotham777]

Dating Jason Todd (Part Two)

fanfic type: angst, fluff, comfort (ongoing)

If you liked the Titans show but wish they handled Jason’s story line differently you might like this fic!

Hey so this is in fact my first time writing fanfiction (idk what my life has come to). Sorry if it’s cringy but also I would eat this up cause I LOVE some good angsty comfort fanfiction. I won’t write smut. I don’t think I’m gonna do requests but if you have any ideas feel free to let me know. Also of course I don’t own any DC characters this is purely fanfiction. Although I’ve had tumblr for a bit I’m not really used to posting stuff so sorry if I don’t format everything well. Thank you and I hope you enjoy. (I hope you like run-on sentences💀) (if you don’t like it don’t be rude just move on dude😃🧍‍♀️)

So story line, this doesn’t really take place in any specific universe but I’m gonna be pulling concepts from Titans, The Batman, Under the Red Hood, and whatever lore I remember from the CW shows cause I grew up watching those, then just my imagination of course. The beginning takes place when Jason is still Robin but he’s no longer apart of the titans. Reader is referred to as she/her btw.

Warnings: talking about death, suicide, depression, torture (it’s not graphic I hate gore it’s just sad)

Part Two: Fear and Love

You stood in Dick’s bedroom as he packed. “You can’t just leave me here,” you said.

“I have to go find Jason and you can’t come with me,” he says.

“You know I can help.”

“I also know joker is after you, if you came to Gotham we’d be giving joker exactly what he wants,” Dick says. “Come on I’ve gotta wake up the others before I leave to let them know Jason’s off to get himself killed.”

“Dick!” You say. He looks at you with that cold glare you’re oh so familiar with. “You need to promise me something,” you say seriously.

“I’m listening,” Dick says.

“And you can’t tell anyone I’m asking you to do this, especially not Jason,” you say. You and Dick were inches apart now, making eye contact so intense you could feel a shift in the energy of the room.

“What is it Y/N,” Dick says softly.

“I need you to protect Jason,” you begin saying.

“Y/N, you know him he’s impulsive and if he wants to do something nobody can-“ you cut him off.

Teary eyed you say, “I know, but if anything happens to him I won’t forgive myself…and I won’t forgive you. Just promise me you’ll do your best.”

“I promise Y/N” Dick says. His voice is cold yet soft, almost like he wants to say more but is stopping himself.

Dick woke everyone up and told the team Jason had gone to Gotham.

“Idiot,” Kori said.

“Literally took the words out of my mouth but unfortunately he’s my problem,” Dick glances at you, “Our problem.”

“Should anyone go with you?” Gar asks.

“No, I want you guys to stick together,” he says to Kori, Gar and Rachel. “And keep an eye on Y/N.” Dick adds.

That sentence pissed you off. He starts to leave and as he walks past you say, “I don’t need a fucking babysitter.” This was one of the times Dick realized why you got along with Jason so well. Dick leaves and you immediately head for Jason’s room.

You start searching for any note he might’ve left you. After you look in his room you go tear apart your own trying to find any message or hint Jason left you. Ten minutes later you find a folded piece of notebook paper under your pink baseball cap that says “Chicago”. Jason had bought the hat for you after you found out he was Robin.

Y/N, I’m sorry for leaving you alone but right now you being as far away from me and Gotham is the safest thing for you. Stay at the tower, even though it pains me to say it, I know Dick will keep you safe, and hell if he fails then pretty sure our friends with sunlight, darkness and animal transforming powers will be enough to protect you. Don’t come looking for me, I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you. I’ll be back in no time.

With love -Jay

You called Jason…he didn’t answer. You called Dick…he answered.

“What’s up,” Dick said.

“I will stay at the tower on one condition,” you say.

“Let’s hear it,” Dick says.

“Call me with updates and if anything drastic happens don’t wait till everything’s fine to tell me, I don’t care if it’s bad news or good news I just can’t be in the dark,” you say.

“Of course,” Dick says.

It had been three hours, no calls from Dick, radio silence from Jason, Barbra had no news, even Alfred knew nothing. You had exhausted everyone you possibly could have asked when suddenly you remembered one more person. Jason’s best friend, not you, not Gar, Roy Harper. You didn’t have his number but you had his girlfriend Thea’s. Thea Queen also known as a close friend of yours who happens to be the sister of Oliver Queen, the arrow.

“Thea hey I’m kinda having a crisis,” you say.

“Oh? What’s going on?” She said with a mixture of valley girl and New York accent.

“Jokers been leaving threats against Jason and I around Gotham and he’s gone without me and nobody can find him…so I was wondering if Roy has heard anything?” You asked.

“Oh my god, I have no idea but here I’ll put him on the phone,” she said.

“Hello?” Roy says.

“Hey do you know Jason’s missing?” You say.

“I do now, what’s going on?” He says.

“Jokers been leaving notes around Gotham threatening Jason and I, Jason left last night to go by himself even though him and Dick were meant to go together. He doesn’t have a tracker but we’re positive he’s gone to Gotham to try and find joker alone.” “So he’s not called you or anything?”

“Wow…no this is the first I’m hearing any of this, so where are you now?” Roy asks.

“Titans tower in San Francisco,” you say.

“Okay I will try to get ahold of Jason and actually if he has the wallet I gave him there’s actually a tracker in there…I didn’t know it was there when I gave it to him, courtesy of Oliver’s failed attempt at tracking me but I’ll try to see if I can find him.”

“Okay thank you so much, call me back as soon as you can,” you say. Twenty minutes pass and you hear a knock on the door. You open it to see Rachel with a plate of food.

“Can I come in?” She asks.

“Course yeah,” you say.

“So how are you doing…sorry that’s a stupid question” Rachel says.

“No it’s okay, I’m doing umm…I mean I’ve been better,” you laugh nervously. “I just wish he accepted Dick’s help and didn’t go off by himself.”

“Yeah,” she says to let you know she’s listening.

“And I understand why he did it you know it’s not because he’s got anything against Dick or Bruce or titans despite what everyone thinks, he just wants to be good enough. I wish he understood getting help and working with others doesn’t mean you’re weak and incapable.” You say. Just as Rachel’s about to say something your phone rings. It’s Dick.

“What’s happened?” You say quickly.

“The cops are all here, we’re at that abandoned amusement park near the pier. Jason’s not here but we think he was. There’s blood, it’s not a concerning amount…we’re sending it over to the lab. We pretty much know it was him though cause said blood is on playing cards,” Dick says.

“Shit,” you say. “Okay wait so I called Roy and he said there’s a tracker in Jason’s wallet so if it’s on him and it still works he’s gonna call me,” you say.

“Okay call me when-“ Dick gets cut off when Roy calls you. You pick up quickly.

“The wallets at some random street in Gotham…” when Roy gives you the street name you immediately recognize it as where Poison Ivy kidnapped you a couple years ago.

“Okay thank you I’m gonna call Dick,” you say. You call Dick and put him on speaker.

“The wallets at 345 Ribbon St,” you say.

“We’re on our way,” Dick says.

I hope you guys liked part two🫡🩷 Please like the fic if you enjoyed it and want to see more cause I’ve got a whole storyline and backstory and many more ideas and want to know people are enjoying my writing.

Here’s my Masterlist so you can read the other parts.

Masterlist

[tsukimefuku]

Lover's Pass

You and Nanami were sent to investigate cursed activity linked to disappearances in the Lover's Pass. Meanwhile, you both still have to deal with the fallout that happened after the last time you were together.

Based off Lovers Cave from ATLA (obviously).

The song: One last kiss - Hikaru Utada (on Youtube).

Tags: Jujutsu Kaisen, Nanami x OC/Reader, implied Higuruma x OC/Reader, angst, fluff, slight canon typical violence (nothing graphic).

WC: 4.6K

This is part of my "Jujutsu Partners Canon Divergence AU". A sequence of short stories and random drabbles for a Nanami x Reader x Higuruma long fic I might write. To see the ever-growing list of one-shots and short stories, please visit my masterlist :) 

Disclaimer: the stories are NOT written and posted in chronological order of events. This happened after the stories "The Event, Part 1" and "The Event, Part 2", preceding "Tactics"(HiguReader). To see where this story fits in the timeline, please check the masterlist mentioned above.

Of course, you were trapped in The Lover’s Pass curse with Nanami after he turned you down. Obviously.

Since the day I met you, the heart began to turn its gears

I can't help but have a hunch that I will lose you

Oh, I know that we've done it so many times

But can you add one last favor?

Oh, Can you give me one last kiss?

It's something that I don’t want to forget

I love you more than you’ll ever know

 — Utada Hikaru's "One Last Kiss"

"It's not very appropriate to be talking about such personal matters on your phone while you're inside a car with other passengers." Nanami chided, while he had his arm over the door to his side, not looking at you as he spoke. You had just got out of your call with Higuruma, having set your first not-date with him for later that day.

You scoffed. "Ijichi, did my conversation on the phone regarding a not-date later today offend you in any way?"

Ijichi was taken by surprise, and pushed his glasses back on his nose as he answered, doubtful, "no, Ms. I wasn't offended."

You looked at Nanami, whipping your head towards his position, making it abundantly evident you were glaring at him. He still wouldn't look at you. Then, without a word, you stopped glaring at him and looked outside your window. You were both on the back, glued to your respective doors, trying to put as much empty space between your bodies as possible.

You remembered your earlier conversation with Yaga.

"Do I really have to go with Nanami?" you asked, feeling defeated.

"You're the only two grade 1 sorcerers available. The others have got their plates full. From what we've learned, no one should go inside this curse's hiding place alone, so it's necessary to send two of you."

"What a bore." You said, pinching the bridge of your nose with two fingers. "So, the Lover's Pass curse. Some kids went missing trying to navigate underground tunnels because they were idiots. What do the legends say?"

"The origins of these tunnels are uncertain." Nanami began. You were displeased, and grunted at it lightly, expecting Ijichi to go over the briefing again, loathing having to listen to his voice. Nanami moved on, unbothered. "The legend says that a long time ago, two people from two rival families used those tunnels to meet each other in secrecy. It became an underground destination for couples, both literally and figuratively, it seems, but it has recently become a hotspot for cursed activity. There are currently 4 people missing. Their status is unknown."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." You sighed, dismissive, leaning your temple over the car's window. You heard Nanami sighing loudly on his side of the car, knowing full well he did it just so you could hear him, and the tension between the two of you was so intense it could be ceviche’d with a blunt blade. 

Ijichi was particularly uncomfortable in the driver's seat, turning the radio on, trying to fill the dreadful silence with anything until you all got to your destination.

This is going to be hell.

“Ijichi, can we make a quick stop? I haven’t had any breakfast today.” You asked.

“Of course. I have to put some gas in, too.” Ijichi replied.

“That is the reason most people usually wake up early enough to be ready in time for their appointments.” Nanami pointed out, unsolicited.

“Nanami, get off my case. I’m not in the mood to hear this kind of chastising. Especially from you.” You retorted, keeping a low voice that was glimmering with incandescent fury. 

Ijichi was terrified, worried he might be caught in the middle of a crossfire.

Nanami finally looked in your direction, with you refusing to make eye contact, but said nothing, returning his gaze to the view up ahead. 

***

As you both got out of the car, you picked up your phone, only to realize it had very poor signal. You left a small bag with some cookies and water inside the car.

“Ijichi, will you wait for us here? We don’t have great cellphone reception.” You said, putting your phone back inside your waist bag. 

“That is the usual course of action when we’re accompanied by an assistant.” Yet again, Nanami pointed out, unprompted.

You sighed heavily, and spent no words answering him, knowing full well it’d be tossing paper scraps to the wind. Ijichi simply nodded in your direction, uneasy at the growing tension between you and the ratio sorcerer. You waved at Ijichi, and started walking towards the entrance to the tunnel maze. It seemed to be under what was once an enormous mansion, debris being the only clues something ever stood there. 

As you finished descending the stairs, Nanami reached you, and both started walking inside the dark tunnels. They were all haphazardly made, basically consisting of very rustic diggings and walls made of dirt. You grabbed a flashlight you had brought, and lit the way for you both.

The pair was walking for what seemed like ten minutes, and you made markings with your cursed energy in order to make the coming back process easier. Like leaving a breadcrumb trail.

The silence engulfing the steps was becoming unnerving, given that, since your last conversation, you had been furious with Nanami. He tried ringing your phone twice since then, and both times you refused his call. 

He called your name to say something, and you instantly (involuntarily) sighed in contempt, still not looking at him. “What?”

“It’s about the curse. I do not intend to have a proper conversation in the middle of our mission, rest assured.” He replied, nonchalantly.

“You never intended to have a conversation.” You retorted, annoyed.

Nanami sighed. “We can talk about this in a later time. Now, let us look inside that tunnel. I believe I saw something.” He said, pointing to a turn to the left you both had just passed by.

“Fine.” You made your way back and lit the flashlight towards the tunnel Nanami had pointed at. However, as soon as you did, it became a solid wall.

What?

You drew the light away and over the same spot a few times, and it was certain: there was no way down there anymore.

“What did you see, Nanami?” You inquired, staring at the wall, confused.

You heard some ruffling, and saw Nanami unbutton his suit jacket, pulling his blunt blade from his back. “I saw a quick movement, like someone or something darting through the tunnel. I believe the curse is here.”

You thought for a moment, and couldn’t sense any type of concentrated cursed energy near. 

“Nanami, let’s go back and check on the markings we left along the path.”

You both began walking back, alert to anything that might jump you on the way. However, you were met with another solid wall. Upon further inspection, you noticed that one of the markings you made could be partially seen in one of the corners of that tunnel.

“Nanami, look.” You said, pointing at it.

“I see. It can shift space inside the tunnels.” 

“That might be the reason these people are going missing. They’re probably still down here.” 

He nodded. “Yes. Let’s hurry.”

You kept walking for what felt like half an hour, and started to wonder if this curse was also able to stretch space. These tunnels were supposed to be less than 2 kilometers long, but you had surely been walking much more than that, and you didn’t feel like you were walking in circles. Also, there was no sign of other people ever having been down there.

“Nanami, I think we’re inside the curse. I mean, I don’t feel we’ve been walking in circles.”

“I understand your point. However, we can’t be sure of that.”

“We’ve literally been walking in a straight line and took less than two turns, Nanami. I’m pretty sure about it.” You answered him. For some reason, his simple correction, something so innocuous, brought up the anger you had been feeling for him these past few days.

Nanami sighed.

“Care to enlighten me?” You asked, voice poking at him. You were looking for trouble, clearly.

“If this curse actually distorts space, as we’re suspecting, the physics of it might be broken. There is no point in wondering if we’re walking in circles or not. We’re already under its effect.” He said, matter-of-factly.

This definitely rubbed you the wrong way.

You sighed. “Thanks for the class, teacher. Didn’t know curses could do that. It’s not like I came from a family with a centuries-old tradition on jujutsu, but well, maybe I don’t know how curses work.” You spat out, angrily, turning around to face Nanami. 

He sighed, in a mixture of annoyance and tiredness. “This is not the moment for this.”

“Oh, for what? For you to remember that I’m not an idiot that has no idea what she’s dealing with? It sure isn’t. You should’ve thought about it days ago!” 

He addressed you by your last name “-san”, when he started to speak again, and that was your last straw.

“We’re past that, aren’t we? It wasn't a last name basis a few nights ago.” 

“You see, this is precisely the kind of predicament I hoped to avoid when we both agreed that getting romantically involved would be a foolish move.”

“Oh, Nanami-san, getting involved wasn’t the issue. The issue was what you did right after.”

“Now, please enlighten me on what exactly I have done wrong. I’ve been trying my best to be respectful and proceed with this clearly needed conversation.” He answered, his monotone not concealing very well his own feelings of dissatisfaction.

“Aren’t you the big shot that knows everything about the hardships of a jujutsu sorcerer’s life? Figure it out yourself.” You exclaimed.

“Are you displeased at what you perceived as a rejection of affectionate advances?” Nanami inquired.

You scoffed and looked at him, in utter and complete disbelief. “First and foremost, I’m not displeased, I’m furious. Second, you really think I’d be enraged at you because I felt rejected? Do I look like a fucking school girl?!” This was the very first time you ever cursed at Nanami, and it surprised him. 

However, before he could answer, something spiked up from the floor, separating you both even further. It was a red mass that looked like a tentacle, but not quite. It first whipped at you, and you used your cursed technique to launch one of your small grenades at it. At impact, the shock waves from the explosion caused the tunnel to make a not so safe noise.

Shit. I can’t use my technique. This might collapse the entire tunnel system on our heads.

“Let me handle this! Your technique is no good here. It might knock down the surrounding walls!” Nanami shouted, as he advanced towards the curse’s tentacle.

“No shit, Sherlock!” You yelled back, jumping and rolling when it dealt a strong blow where you were previously standing.

He swiftly dealt a 7:3 critical hit at the tentacle’s base, and it was cleanly cut. It fell, squirming softly before it stopped. You looked closer, and the tentacle seemed to be made out of several red threads, all tightly-knit together. 

“What the hell?” 

“Well, it is called the Lover’s Pass. You’re probably familiar with the red thread myth.” Nanami said, pushing his glasses back in place.

“I am. I just didn’t expect it to be so... Thematic?” You answered, getting up, huffing.

“Neither did I.” He replied, as you both resumed your walking.

***

“Nanami, this is pointless. We’re not getting anywhere.” Complaining, you leaned against one of the walls. You both had been walking for almost three hours at this point. “Apart from that tentacle, the curse hasn't approached us.”

He sighed and also leaned against one of the walls, on the opposite side, looking at you. You didn’t look at him back, though.

“Is there anything about the legend from Lover’s Pass that could help us solve this?” You asked, defeated.

Nanami thought for a moment, resting one of his hands on his chin.

“Legend has it that the only way for leaving the maze of Lover’s Pass is through an act of... True love.” Nanami remembered, instantly pinching the bridge of his nose, still with his glasses on. A faint grunt from him could be heard.

You realized it as soon as he did.

“Like a kiss or something like that?” 

He shrugged, displeased. “Perhaps. It’s an open-ended statement. I do not care much for those.”

You let out a loud ugh. “Are you serious? That’s the legend?”

“I’m afraid so.” 

You sighed deeply, then approached Nanami. “Fine, let’s get this over with.”

He was slightly surprised, but offered no resistance, given he knew this was an alternative you both should try, and you surely had enough intimacy for that.

You kissed him on the lips swiftly, dissociating as much as you could when doing so. His body was rigid at the alien sensation of you pressing your lips against his so… Indifferently.

You both waited for a few seconds after that, but absolutely nothing happened.

“Goddammit. Ah, well, worth the shot.” You shrugged off.

He sighed and pulled on his tie lightly, opening the button on the top of his shirt. “I believe we’re on the right track to solve this conundrum. But there is something about what just happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“This surely couldn’t be interpreted as an act of true love.” He pointed out.

You grunted, looking away. You were having a hard time looking at Nanami today, overall, unless you were bursting with anger, or glaring. 

“You won’t even look at me properly, and haven't, ever since we picked you up earlier this morning.” Nanami noted.

Now you looked at him, without making any effort this time to conceal the rage you had bubbling inside, translated on the facial expression you had on.

“I’m just too angry at you right now to be affectionate!” You spat.

He sighed.

“I apologize.” Nanami said.

“For what?” You inquired.

“You’re furious with me, and have been for days. I don’t know why, but it doesn’t prevent me from apologizing.”

Your rage dripped from your next words like poison.

“If you don’t know why you’re apologizing, don’t even bother.”

“Then, please, tell me what I’ve done to upset you this greatly.”

“No! Figure it out for yourself. Clearly you know more about things than I do, don’t you, Nanami?” You were nearly growling.

Suddenly, another tentacle appeared, but this time it came from the upper part of the walls, right behind you. Before you could react, it violently whipped you against the wall, and pierced through your right shoulder. You heard Nanami calling out your name. The pain shot through your body like cold nitrogen, and you almost reacted using your cursed technique, but restrained at the last moment, remembering the risks it ensued. 

He appeared swiftly, and dealt a 7:3 blow to the tentacle's base, having it fall down beside you both. You fell to your knees and held your shoulder with your other hand, huffing, before you began employing your RCT for healing.

Nanami kneeled in front of you. “Are you alright?” He asked, mindlessly putting his free hand on your cheek, effectively cupping your face. You shivered at his touch, and looked him in the eyes. Underneath his glasses, you could see a slightly worried gaze, and that chipped away at your fury-fueled emotional brick wall.

“I’m… fine. I’m already healing myself. But thank you.”

He nodded, still cupping your face in a tender, affectionate way.

You both remained in that position for a little while, gazing at each other. It was then that you noticed the faint light from what looked like fireflies extending towards the tunnel maze, making some turns until it disappeared.

“What…?” You got up, and was left dumbfounded, because the lights suddenly went away. “Did you see that?”

Recomposing himself, Nanami got up. “I did.” 

Then, it clicked.

“We’re attacked by the red threads when we’re fighting. And I guess the lights show the way out. They appeared when we-” you stopped in your tracks.

“When we had a moment of-”

“True love.” You choked out, the words pulling painfully at your heart strings. “Okay, I get it now.”

He put his blunt blade tucked away in his harness, and stood right in front of you.

“Then, we must talk.” Nanami said, in his matter-of-factly way. You were looking at the ground, and didn’t lift your gaze to meet his. He sighed softly and relaxed his shoulders, taking off his glasses, now speaking with a husky, softer voice. “I would like to talk to you, please, and be given the chance to understand what I’ve done to hurt you.”

You were caught off guard. 

“Please.” He repeated, putting his finger under your chin to lift your eyes, and you did so, meeting his. This was the first time ever since that night he seemed to be actually looking at you, and not past you. 

You sighed, as he put his hand over your shoulder, softly rubbing his thumb over it.

"Did you feel like I have taken undue advantage of the situation that night?" He asked, earnestly.

"No! It's not that." You pondered for a moment. Then, you began speaking again. "You lectured me that day, Nanami. It wasn't a conversation."

He was slightly surprised, but stayed silent, giving you time to elaborate.

"You never wanted to talk to me, you just had your mind made up. I was angry at you because you made a decision that affects us both entirely on your own, without even asking me about anything. You completely disregarded my input in your equation." You finally explained. "It was patronizing, and I felt deeply hurt by it."

Nanami then realized what he had done. Trying to shield you from hurt, he had pushed you exactly in hurt's way.

He sighed deeply as he put his other hand on your arm. "I... I apologize, truly."

You both locked eyes for a moment, and you felt the already so familiar fluttering heart. Your heart beat for this man, just like the sun rose for the day, and the moon came out for the night. The profound connection you had, which transcended time and space for more than a decade, had translated into the way each pump fervently happened because of, and for, him. You could barely breathe when he gazed at you like this.

With a sharp tug, you grabbed his tie and pulled him in your direction, locking lips, feeling the bright explosion from the longing that had swept you away in anger. You missed being close to Nanami so profoundly the past few days that it ached in places you never even realized existed, every pain pulsing away at your last kiss. He pulled you closer, diving into the passionate kiss, in his own silent sorrow and apology.

You barely felt the few tears that streamed down your eyes as you were both kissing. For the first time, the all consuming rage you felt had revealed its true colors. It wasn't anger; it was sadness.

You were overwhelmed with sadness and felt profoundly disappointed that, out of everyone, Nanami, the person you trusted the most, with your heart and with your life, was the one to hurt you so severely. You didn't feel used — you felt completely betrayed. 

As your faces parted, you kept your eyes closed, fighting the urge to cry. He saw your pained expression, and a dark pit had formed in his stomach, the gravitational pull of guilt threatening to bring him down on his knees. Nanami cupped your face in between his hands and realized it was damp. Oh, I am a complete and utter imbecile.

"I am profoundly and sincerely sorry" he said, pulling you in for a hug, burying your face in his chest while he held the back of your head.

You sighed, hugging him back tightly and breathing intensely, trying to free up the heaviness that took over your chest. He nosed your hair, and trembled to your flowery aroma, today, smelling like daffodils. Oh, how much he had missed it, and you had absolutely no idea.

At that point, the fireflies began to appear again. 

Nanami softly parted from you. "Look."

You turned your head, and saw them. There were many fireflies all over, lighting the tunnels greatly. It was actually... Beautiful. You separated from Nanami, sliding softly out of his embrace. He looked at you, somewhat apprehensive.

"We can get back to talking after we're finished here, okay?" You reassured him. 

He nodded, and you both began to follow the fireflies' path.

As you were walking, you saw a couple, two women, laid on the ground beside each other, seemingly passed out. You took one of them in your arms, and Nanami did the same. Further ahead, you saw someone else, but when you both approached, realized this person must've been deceased for a while now. He was holding onto a small, bloody pocket knife. 

Both of you decided to keep walking, and saw a bright white light at the end of the longest tunnel. The fireflies were leading you there, so you followed suit, finally reaching what seemed to be an empty white room. It wasn't empty, however. A woman — or what seemed like one — was on the ground, apparently on her knees, with her face in her hands, crying.

"Nanami, can you hold them both?" You asked, whispering. He nodded, and you put the lady you were carrying over his shoulder.

You then silently made your way towards the curse, summoning a grenade in your hand. This seemed to be in an almost separate dimension from the tunnel, so you figured it'd be probably safe using your technique here.

Why... Why did he abandon me here? The curse pleaded for an answer, stopping you in your tracks. He left me here to die- to die- to die- 

You noticed that her neck seemed to be cut, and was oozing blood that dripped down the front of her white dress.

"Nanami, you told me there were four people missing, right? But we only saw one body..." you said, keeping your eyes laser-focused on the cursed spirit in front of you.

"Yes, during the course of the last two weeks. Two couples." He pondered for a moment. " ... Oh, I see."

This woman was the last missing person. The curse itself.

She had cursed herself at being abandoned to die by her lover in the Lover's Pass.

Why did he betray- betray- betray me!? The curse wailed, seemingly self-embracing, in a pitiful gesture for self comfort.

That was a heartbreaking sight to behold. 

"Hey, Nanami, tell me something." You said, still looking at her. 

"What?" He asked.

"If we exorcize her, will her spirit be freed or disappear along with the cursed energy tethered to it?"

Nanami was silent for a moment. "I do not know."

You sighed, sorrowful, and evaporated away the grenade you were holding onto, kneeling in front of the curse.

"Hey." You said, pulling its attention to you. Nanami was standing behind you, apprehensive, while he held the two passed out women. However, he decided to trust you, and stood down. 

Why- why did he kill me?! Her eyes were pitch black, and sent chills down your spine.

"You have to forgive him. You have passed, there is nothing else that can be done. You both have. Only when you let go, will you be free. You cursed yourself." You said, warmly, sparing her a smile.

Her weeping started to subdue. 

"You have to pass onto the other side." You insisted.

I can't- can't- can't- forgive him! He doesn't deserve- deserve- it! The cursed spirit shrieked, furiously.

"Then, don't do it for him. Do it for you. Free yourself. Only you can do that."

The curse's howling stopped, and you got up, stepping back, ready to pull a grenade on her if it were necessary. You had tried your best to free this spirit without exorcizing it. 

The cursed spirit got up too, and turned it's back to you, suddenly being engulfed in all the fireflies that were spread throughout the tunnels. They got absorbed into her, and she radiated pure white for a moment, before you both could see it. She now looked human, a tall woman with long brown hair and a beautiful white summer dress, weaved around with red stitches all throughout.

You smiled, and she turned around to look at you.

Thank you, the woman said, before stepping towards, away from you, disappearing into thin air.

Then, the pure white light that replaced all the walls, floor, and ceiling began to fade away as well. After a few moments, you and Nanami, as well as the two girls, were finally back to the entrance to the Lover's Pass.

***

After you left the women at the hospital, you, Ijichi and Nanami were back in Tokyo. You asked Ijichi to let you out of the car near the restaurant Higuruma had told you he'd be at.

You got out of the car, waving Ijichi goodbye, but were surprised to see that Nanami stepped out of the car as well, calling your name. Ijichi left, probably because Nanami told him to do so before he made his way out.

"Can we resume our conversation?" He inquired, looking at you... pleadingly?

You sighed. "Okay. Just give me a moment." You grabbed your phone and texted Higuruma, letting him know you'd be late. 

You looked around and spotted a bench, walking towards it, waving Nanami to follow you. He did, and you both sat down on the opposite ends of it, looking at each other. The silence grew uncomfortable between the two, given none knew who'd speak first.

He did.

"Once again, I'd like to apologize for the hurt that I've caused you," Nanami said, earnestly, "and I hope you can forgive me for that."

"Will it make any difference to you if I tell you I already forgave you?"

Nanami was slightly taken aback. You continued.

"It seems that every time I forgive you or tell you there is nothing to forgive, my words just fall on deaf ears." You sighed. "I can't keep telling you there is nothing to be forgiven when you just won't listen. You have to forgive yourself. We can’t... You have to move past it. I'm tired of this, I've just about had it, Nanami."

He stayed silent.

"You were not saving me, or sparing me, when you made that decision by yourself. You broke my heart, Nanami. You wanted to protect me, and I understand that. I'm thankful for that. But you did it all wrong."

He sighed deeply. "Could you find it in yourself to forgive me?"

You gazed at him. "I forgive you. But I can’t forget this. And even if I can still trust you with my life, I don’t think I can trust you with my heart again."

These words cut through him like sharp blades. Hearing them felt worse than he had anticipated.

"That's reasonable." He finally replied, defeated.

There was nothing more to be said. You cupped his face with your hands, and he looked at you longingly, knowing what would come next. 

You pressed one gentle last kiss on Nanami's lips as you said goodbye.

He was left sitting alone on that bench, as he saw you walking away to go on a date with someone else, taking your flowery scent and soft touch with you, away from him.

It felt more miserable than he thought it would.

[emberenchanted]

For Keeps (3/3)

Pairing: Dark!Carol Danvers x Female Reader

Summary: Carol sees you. Carol wants you. Carol gets what she wants. 

Series Warnings: extremely dubious consent, strap ons (r receiving), sex (oral, vaginal), anal fingering, Dom!Carol, orgasm denial, spanking, violence (not really towards reader), manipulation, forced relationship, rough sex

18+ ONLY

Link to Chapter 1

Link to Chapter 2

A/N: Ok party people, we've reached the end of this short tale. There really isn't much plot here, it's mostly smut 😅. This fic is my first time writing smut so hope it isn't terrible. Thanks to everyone who read, liked, commented, and reblogged! Let me know what you think about this chapter. I really appreciate the support and motivation.

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Chapter 3

When you wake up the next morning, it is to serious regret and a text from Carol telling you that she’d pick you up at 6:30pm that night. You make one last effort to get out of the date and text back that you aren’t feeling well. Carol responds and says that if you aren’t feeling well, she’ll just come over and take care of you until you’re better. 

The response makes your stomach drop. You shudder to imagine how domineering Carol would be alone, in a private space that has a lock. She already forces every interaction into the outcome she desires in public. If she managed to get into your studio, you would be at her mercy, and after the way she’d finger fucked you against the alley wall before you could get a word in, you were sure you wouldn’t get her out of your apartment before she got what she wanted, which was most likely you in bed with her. You definitely weren’t ready for that yet, if you’d ever be. No, much better to go out. 

Hours later, after considering the contents of your closet, you settle on a black knee length bodycon dress with long sleeves and chunky black boots. You style your hair into an updo, and add chunky gold hoop earrings; a bit of concealer (to cover the marks Carol had left on your neck the night before), and a swipe of lip gloss complete your look. You don’t want Carol to see where you live so you decide that you’ll head down to the bar around 6:25pm and meet her there. You’re already nervous, so when you’re ready by 6pm you decide to indulge in one glass of wine to settle your nerves. It definitely can’t hurt, right?

At 6:20pm, Carol walks up the steps to your apartment, which is right over the bar. If she’d known last night that her baby lived just upstairs, she could have dragged you there during her break and made your first time riding her fingers much more comfortable. Though to be fair, if she had known, you might not have made it back for the rest of your shift. Oh, well. That’s what she gets for not having complete information. She won’t let that happen again. Carol intends to find out all the important bits about her baby’s life tonight, so simple slip ups like that don’t happen anymore.  

After spending her morning “talking” to some of the other business owners who have recently missed their monthly payments, Carol is feeling relaxed and eager. Situations where she got to flex her physical...skills always got her blood up, and she was ready to show her baby a great time. The concerning information Carol’d received from three of the people she visited could be handled tomorrow. Apparently, all of them had also been told there’d be a change in payment method and none of the dumb fucks had double checked before paying in cash at that bench. She needed to talk to Steve about how to move forward and he wasn’t an early riser. If things went according to plan, she wouldn’t make it back to the Avengers’ headquarters from her date until mid-morning tomorrow. 

She bounds up the last two steps before quickly walking to your door. Carol knocks two times before taking a step back. When you open the door, Carol is absolutely thrilled. You look fucking delicious and Carol can’t wait to eat her little baby alive. Your soft breasts are perched high in a tight black v-neck dress, and the smooth expanse of skin from your neck to dressline is flawless. Whatever you'd applied made your skin gleam and shimmer in the light. It's all Carol can do to not hook her finger into the neckline of your dress and tug to see if your pretty little nipples shine in the same way. You look surprised to see her and Carol uses your temporary shock to crowd you, pressing her body to yours and lifting her hand to stroke your cheek gently. “You look incredible, baby,” Carol husks out, dropping a soft kiss on your shiny supple lips. 

“Oh.” The little sound of surprise pops out of you before you can help it. When you take a step back, Carol takes that moment to step around and into your apartment. 

Carol slowly takes in the small two room apartment. It was rather cramped and a bit dingy, but you obviously take good care of your belongings. Old bookcases line the walls and sink under the weight of fat, squat books. An obviously used green velvet couch takes up most of the open floor space and a TV on a chipped wood table stands across from the couch. But multiple small clusters of flowers in mason jars are perched on several surfaces, brightening the space. And in the kitchen, directly behind the couch, several bright prints and images are hung. 

Carol was proud of you for making it on your own this far. She knew how many young girls struggled, but you had found a job and place to live in a new city without any family support or connections. Her baby was hard working and industrious. Thankfully, you wouldn't need to do that anymore. Carol would be taking care of all that for you soon enough. Carol was just happy that through your obvious struggles you'd remained innocent and pliable. Watching you stammer and flush when Carol gave you her full attention was exquisite and it made her eager to command that submissive spirit in the bedroom. You would be so fucking pretty whining and squirming under Carol in bed with a sore and tender ass. 

After Carol had seen her fill of the apartment, she turned to face you once more. Stepping close, Carol slid a hand up and down your arm. “Your apartment is so cute, baby. I wish I’d known you lived so close. I would have come over sooner.”

You shudder at the thought. “Ready to head out?,” you ask hurriedly.

By the time Carol slips into the booth seat next to you at the restaurant, you’ve calmed just a bit. While she’s been just as handsy at the show and on the way there, she’s also been charming. Being with Carol was like being on a rollercoaster. The breakneck pace she pushes things along makes your stomach churn and drop, but it also makes you excited and breathless. As with a roller coaster you’re pretty sure you’ll make it off alive, but there’s always the chance that you’ll slip past the safety restraints and tumble to your end. It was exciting and scary. Carol was exciting and scary.

The restaurant Carol has chosen is quiet and dimly lit. Floor to ceiling brick walls enclosed several small tables situated around the room. A few booths were also tucked against the back wall creating private enclaves. Each table is topped with a burning white candle. After you’d both ordered, Carol begins asking about your life. Where you grew up, familial relationships, your past romantic partners, what you liked to do in your free time, your favorite places in the city (so far); everything was fair game. There was a part of you that wanted to hold back, not to divulge everything about yourself, but another little part of you was flattered. You’d never had someone so interested in hearing about you. Of course, Carol might not have had a completely altruistic motive, but she did seem genuinely interested. After finishing your main course, Carol’s hand gently touches your knee, pushing the fabric of your dress up your leg and swirling patterns into the ticklish skin there. It's hard to believe that this was the same woman who’d brutalized Mel. But, you try to remind yourself that it was. 

Carol seems to be in a good mood, and she’d said at the beginning of your dinner that she wanted to know everything about you. That went both ways, right? You thought you should also be able to ask her about her life. If this was going to be a...relationship, there had to be some give and take. 

You take a deep breath and ask, “Carol, can I ask you a question?”

She squeezes your knee, “Anything, baby.”

Your question comes out quietly. “Do you hurt people, like you hurt Mel, often?”

Carol turns her body to you, meeting your eyes and she takes a beat before answering. “You want to know more about my work?”

You nod. 

“I fix problems,” she begins. “Almost any problem. I do that all over the country and all over the world. And there are different...methods for fixing problems. It’s my job to identify the most expeditious method for resolving any issue I’ve been hired to fix. People pay me a lot of money to do that well.” Her hand slides up your thigh and kneads. “What happened with Mel was unfortunate, and I’m so sorry if I scared you, but you'll get used to it.” 

Your heart stutters in your chest. That was not what you were hoping to hear. And you definitely didn’t think you’d get used to it. You look into her eyes and see what looks like affection there as you brace yourself to ask another question. “Would you ever hurt me like that?”

She chuckles softly. “I would never hurt you in the same way that I hurt Mel.” The tightness in your chest releases just a bit. “But I do have certain expectations of you, baby, and I will enforce boundaries with and for you. But never that harshly.” she rushes to finish. Your heart continues to beat a rapid rhythm against your ribs as you take in her words. You’d known that Carol had certain proclivities after your previous interactions with her, but to hear it stated so plainly was something different. You simply didn't want that kind of relationship. One with rules and punishments. You are even more sure you'll have to find some way to end things with Carol before they go any further. At that moment, the waitress clears the table, sets down your dessert and heads back to the kitchen. 

The hand gently stroking the inside of your thigh creeps up a bit higher, tickling delicate skin. You move to shift away from her, uncertain of how you're feeling at the moment and hoping for a bit of time to think. But as you begin to close your thighs, Carol gives the inside of your leg a sharp pinch. “One of those expectations is that you do as I request, and another is that you don’t move when I’m touching you--or about to touch you--unless I give you permission. Ok, baby?” 

You nod slowly and Carol nods back at you. “Now why don’t you just lean back and relax, sweetheart? This will feel good. I promise.” Carol was blocking you inside the booth so you couldn’t get out without making a scene. You rest your back fully against the back of the bench and close your eyes. 

“Look at me while I’m touching you,” Carol murmurs against your ear. You drop your head to the seat behind you and roll your head to face her, eyes fluttering at the sensations coursing through your body at her gentle stroking. 

“Carol,” you sigh.

Another pinch. “Ma'am!,” you quickly correct. “Ma'am, we’re in public. Someone might see.” 

“Don’t worry,” Carol purrs. “Nobody is going to see you. Nobody gets to see you like this but me, ok?”

You murmur affirmatively and give yourself over to the pleasure she’s inciting in you. Her slender fingers find your panty covered core and stroke over your damp slit. Her gentle caresses send fissures of pleasure shooting through you and you whimper softly. Carol hums approvingly. Her fingers pull your panties to one side and she slides one solitary finger inside your slick warmth to the second knuckle. Your body twists at the sensation, and you try to slide further down the bench to get her finger further inside you.  Carol laughs gently as she thrusts her finger in and out. In and out. It’s not enough. “More, please, ma'am” you sigh breathily. 

Carol chuckles. 

“My baby needs a little more? Do you want to come?,” Carol queries.

You nod frantically. “Do you want to come here at the table or back at home?” Your mind races. You really don’t want to lose control at the restaurant despite Carol’s assurances that nobody will see you. But, you also don’t want her in your home. As you ponder, Carol pushes her finger deeper inside you and the slick sensation makes you gasp. “Home!”

Carol pulls her finger out before slipping it in her mouth to suck gently. “Hmm, delicious,” she intones. Carol stands up quickly and strides over to the waitress, credit card in hand as you try to gather yourself and your senses. She’s back before you know it, quickly packing up your dessert into small takeout containers, and grabbing your hand to drag you out the booth.  

Just as you’d suspected, Carol was just as forceful in bed. She’d essentially dragged you to her apartment (or at least where she was staying while in the city), before pouncing on you. Her apartment was modern, but understated, largely empty of decoration. Her hands dragged, unzipped, and shifted until you were left in only your underwear. 

She pushes you into her room and onto her large bed before climbing on top of you. Her lips meet yours and her tongue strokes the inside of your mouth sensuously. She sucks and nips sharply at your lips before slowly making her way down your jawline to your neck. As her lips travel to your clavicle, Carol slips one hand underneath you to press your back into an arch. Her other deftly unclasps your bra before  tossing it aside. Her teeth gently scrape at your skin before moving to your nipples. Latching on, she gives you a hard suck, immediately laving the skin with her tongue with small strokes to soothe the now aching bud. She continues to suck on first one nipple, then the other until both are sore and puffy and you are whining and squirming underneath her. Seemingly inspired by your strained noises, her teeth continue worrying the taut bud of one breast as her fingers slip into your panties and begin to rub your clit.

She releases you with a soft, wet pop as her fingers continue exploring, first one, then two of her fingers pushing all the way into your tight hole and making you moan incoherently. “This little pussy is perfection, baby, I can’t wait to fuck you,” Carol rumbles, mouth still against your breast.   

”Wait,” you bleat out. 

Carol rises to her knees and smacks your pussy hard. “Ouch,” you shout. 

"No, baby. I’m not waiting anymore. I was supposed to get to fuck you on our last date, but you stood me up. You've been teasing me long enough. Now get undressed and get on your hands and knees." 

Carol pauses her words to cock her head and pin you with a hard gaze when she notices you aren't moving. "Now, baby," she says harshly while reaching over to give your thigh a hard pinch. You yelp at the blooming pain, then take a few deep breaths and resign yourself to what was about to happen. Your heart pounded in your chest at how fast, again, Carol was getting her way. You felt so overwhelmed and helpless that you couldn't stop the tears that filled your eyes and threatened to spill over your lower lids. Hands shaking, you removed your simple white lace underwear and began moving to your hands and knees.

Satisfied that you were following directions sufficiently (though you were still moving too slow in Carol's opinion, --something she would let slide tonight but would train out of you soon enough) Carol reaches over to open her bedside drawer and pulls out an intimidating strap on. Your movements pause as you catch sight of her maneuvering it onto her body, and your eyes widen in fear. It's as thick as your wrist, frighteningly long, and has a wicked curve. Thinking of that splitting you open makes you sob. But Carol is having none of it. With herself situated, she turns her attention back to you. She manhandles you into her desired position, ignoring your breathless pleas to pause for a moment. 

Your eyes are glued in fear to her linen duvet as you feel the fat head of her huge cock run through your slippery folds, stopping to nudge at your clit before continuing back up to your hole. Carol rests her hands on the flare between your waist and hips, before tightening her grip and starting to push into you. 

You moan pathetically as you feel the head of her cock pop into you. Even this first inch is a stretch and you know there's a lot more coming. Carol gives you no reprieve as she continues sliding into you, splitting you open at a slow but steady pace. Your cunt flutters frantically around the invading cock, trying desperately to create space where there previously was none. When you're sure you can't take any more, you begin to whine and try to move away. Carol tuts softly before giving your ass a sharp smack, and leans over to murmur in your ear. "I told you not to ever move away from me when I'm touching you." Her words send shivers down your spine.

With that, she tightens her grip on your hips, before lifting you and giving you a rough tug back, impaling you with the last few inches of her cock. You sob into the sheets at the pain coursing through you. Carol threads the fingers of one hand into your hair, yanking back to ensure you can no longer move away from her. "Gotta keep you nice and close, baby. " You shudder as Carol's free hand begins to explore your body while she gives you a few slow but deep experimental thrusts. Though you still haven't adjusted to the fullness of your cunt, Carol begins to increase the pace, drawing heat and an intense pleasure to your belly. Her touch is everywhere -- sliding over your shoulders, rubbing and twisting at your nipples until you sob, tickling down your back to rub over your ass, pinching your inner thighs before moving them apart, forcing your back into a deeper arch and making the heavy cock inside you slide that much deeper. 

You're barely holding on. Carol is everywhere and there is only Carol. Since you'd  met, Carol had been pushing every interaction and every conversation the way she wanted it to go. There was no room for disobedience, no room for hesitation at one of her many orders, and no room for negotiation. Everything has to be Carol's way, and you'd seen the potential consequences firsthand. That first night you'd seen the violence she'd casually doled out, and hadn't ever wanted that to be you. Now you were wishing for a few simple broken bones. This was so much more violating. 

Her cock is rubbing against every inch of you, making you feel stretched to the limits. As much as this hurts, it brings an equal amount of pleasure. Your body hums at the intensity of Carol fucking you. Every nerve ending is alight and you can feel the beginning of that coil tightening in your gut. You feel sick, and scared. You're sick at your body's enthusiastic response to Carol's rough handling. You can hear the slick, wet noises you make each time she thrusts into your raw and battered pussy. But you're too scared of the immediate punishment to try to resist or adjust your body to make yourself a bit more comfortable. So just as you begin to let your mind wander from this place and try to relax into the pleasure and ignore the pain, Carol removes the hand that's been roaming your body. The sudden lack of sensation gets your attention. 

She gives your hair another yank, twisting your head so you're awkwardly looking at her. She looks...depraved, but beautiful. Her piercing eyes take in every expression on your face and flick from the bouncing of your tits, to the cock disappearing inside of you and back to your face at a rapid pace. When a particularly rough thrust forces the curve of the cock into your g-spot and you part your lips to yowl at the ecstasy she shoves her pointer and middle fingers into your mouth and tells you to suck. You know better than to disobey. You suckle at her fingers as they rub over your tongue, reaching further back until they press into the back of your mouth. As you choke on the intrusion, and Carol continues to rub at your tongue as you gag, her eyes light up in glee, and you worry about the plans she might have for your mouth. You don't think you can take the hefty cock down your throat if Carol demanded it, but you know you'd have to try. You close your eyes for a moment, trying to escape the intensity of Carol's gaze and put that potential nightmare out of your mind, but Carol gives your hair a sharp tug before demanding you "look at me."

When you do, she finally-- blessedly-- pulls her fingers from your mouth. They're covered in your saliva and a small string of spit connects her fingers to your lips. She murmurs that she wishes she were close enough to lick the drop of saliva off your lips, and you can't help but be thankful she isn't. You don't think you can take much more of this. More of Carol everywhere. 

But you've never been lucky, and just as you begin to relax again you feel a light stroking pressure at the opening of your tight puckered hole. 

You start and your mind begins to race as you feel her spit slick finger begin to press into you, stretching your ass open in an insistent burn. 

"You ever let anyone fuck you here?" Carol asks. You gather your wits about you before she has to repeat her question. "No, ma'am" you mutter out in a broken moan. 

"Good," Carol responds. "I'm going to be the last person in this tight little pussy and the first and last in this little asshole." She sounds pleased.  Despite knowing the uselessness of trying, you plead for her to stop, to give you a short break. She hushes you gently, more gentle than she had been, as her finger slips deeper into you and she murmurs "Both holes baby. Gotta get you used to this. I'm not going to fuck you here with my cock tonight but it's happening soon so we've gotta get you trained. Wouldn't want to hurt you." 

Carol removes her hand from your hair and uses it to brace your hip in place as you wail and try to buck at the intrusion.

"Ah ah ah, baby. Hold still. One more,” she murmurs as she pushes in a second slender finger. “You can do it. There you go. All done. You don't move unless I tell you to, remember baby?" Your fingers scramble for purchase in Carol's sheets as you pant. You thought you'd been full before. You thought Carol had violated you as much as possible but you should have known she'd find another way to possess you. You cry into the sheets before feeling Carol smack your ass twice and dig her fingers into your hip making you yelp sharply.

"I asked you a question, baby. Answer me."

You sob out a miserable "yes, ma'am." Satisfied with your response, Carol begins to alternate thrusting into your ass and pussy, both pushing deeper into you than you thought possible. Your body quivers at the push and pull of her inside you and her free hand is back to roaming over your body. After twisting at your sore nipples her hand coasts over the soft skin of your belly to your slippery folds. She begins to rub gently at your clit. Light teasing touches that send you hurdling toward an orgasm but aren't quite enough to send you over the edge. 

You hear Carol's smooth voice behind you "are you close, baby? I can feel you squeezing my fingers and can see that sweet little cunt of yours fluttering around my cock." 

You nod, before remembering to answer affirmatively verbally. Desperate to ease just a bit of your discomfort, you shift forward a tiny bit, resting more heavily on your arms and slightly relieving the pressure of Carol's cock pressing against your cervix and the deep press of her fingers in your ass. 

Carol didn't have to-- she could tell you were trying so hard to be a good girl for her--but this time she just wanted to. She smacked your already sore ass cheek hard three times for forgetting to answer her verbally. Carol knew she would enjoy seeing the bruises tomorrow as much she was enjoying putting them there tonight. Carol slips her free arm under your stomach and drags you back toward her, more than making up for any marginal ground you may have gained in your attempt to adjust and mounting you more firmly on her cock and fingers.

You whimper and stop moving, simply shuddering and moaning in time with Carol's thrusts.

Her fingers return to your clit, rubbing and pinching until your body is tight with tension, ready to snap and tumble into the orgasm she's been building you towards. Carol's fingers quicken their pace, drawing small tight circles over your bud as you feel your cunt tightening and the coil inside you snaps. Carol continues her thrusts, more forceful now to get past your quivering flesh. Your body shivers and shudders as the pleasure courses through you, made all the more intense by Carol's continued movements. She forces you right through this climax and violently into another. All the while you hear her voice saying how happy she is that you're together now, and that she can't wait to do this everyday. 

You're overstimulated; sore and tired. Carol slows her thrusts before pulling her fingers and cock out of you. Your body sags in relief. She removes her strap and positions herself at the head of the bed. She grabs you from your prone position and pushes you down until your head rests between her legs. Hands weave back into your hair, and she pushes your face into her slippery wet cunt, telling you to lick. You're exhausted and horrified and scared, but you lick her gently- running your tongue up and down her slit, suckling at her clit as she moans. She grabs your head in both hands and continues to maneuver you as she pleases. 

Later, after Carol comes on your tongue twice, you lay curled in her bed, shocked and softly crying. She returns from the bathroom and sits in bed beside you, stroking your hair and back. Though you know better than to question her, you simply can't process that this might be your new reality.

Occasionally Carol slips her fingers over your chest to rub and twist at your sore tits. After a while, she leans over to whisper in your ear. "You cry so pretty baby, but I only want to see you cry on my cock. So if you keep crying, I'll put you there."

A wave of horror runs through you as Carol gives you a gentle kiss on the cheek before sliding into bed behind you and tugging you close into the cocoon of her body. You wipe your tears on her pillow and pray for sleep to take you.

[theadventurerslog]

Quest For Glory III: Wages of War | Part 1

The Adventurer's Log

Release Date: 1992

We saved Spielburg and we saved Shapeir. Now it's time to move to a new place in a game that wasn't originally supposed to exist, but they weren't ready for what they wanted to do in IV yet, so here go: Quest for Glory III time. What fate will befall Cinder Win this time? It's VGA graphics and point and click interface time.

Once again, not a blind play as I've watched it played, but anything wizard-specific will be new to me and I don't remember how to do everything.

Starting up I imported my character and had the option to be a Paladin thanks to my actions in 2, or stay a Wizard. After dithering I decided to stay a pure Wizard; that just stays closer to what I envision for Cinder. He is a Wizard dammit. Sorry, Rakeesh.

So these were my stats from last game:

Look at this fancy character sheet.

And after spending my available 50 points:

It opened up in Aziza's chamber. She summoned me and Rakeesh to see her.

She rehashed the end of the last game.

Slightly incorrectly I might add. I did not bounce my spell off the wall. I just moved around to a good angle to knock the brazier over. And where's the statue, huh? Anyway I got to see Ad Avis fall again and this time he got the Graham falling scream from King's Quest V, so that was quite something.

When Ad Avis died his magic was unleashed which meant she and other magic users could feel it and know the moment of his death. However, I guess things can never be simple because no one could find his body, and if there's one thing to learn from various media it's that a missing body is never a good thing. Even she couldn't determine who or what removed his body with her spells. The unleashing of his power might have darker results.

In the meantime she received a message from Rakeesh's partner, the Sorceress Kreesha, in Tarna in...Fricana. We're going African theming this time. There was talk of war there and she believed only Rakeesh could bring peace now. She thinks there's more to this and that a Demon has broken into the land and does what any demon does, and seeks to destroy them all.

In three days there'll be a portal to take us there.

So, three days later it was time to gather in the Sultan's palace where he saw me, Rakeesh and Uhura who wants to go home too, off.

And he had a gift for me from Keapon Laffin! My gnome friend!

Then a hug which was sweet.

I'm a sap, I'm a sap.

Then we arrived in Tarna where we were met by Kreesha. Uhura headed out. So some introductory stuff and a warning:

Booo, when can I use magic safely in a town dammit.

I needed some time to explore and adjust to the new interface though it is very similar to King's Quest V and VI. And I had to check out Keapon's lovely wrapped gift!

Sure did explode in my face.

I was left with the wrapping paper... "The wrapping paper is all that remains of Keapon Laffin's gift. He certainly has a strange sense of humor." Maybe that'll have a use. Silly gnome.

As for the rest of my inventory: I had 200 dinars and some of my inventory carried over: the sapphire pin from the Katta, my pills, a waterskin, and my dagger. I had a note from Shema to deliver to Shallah. I had some Spim which is rations. I'm pretty sure the reward for saving the Emir was supposed to be 1000 dinars though. Hmph, where's the rest of my money? Actually I do wonder how long our hero got to stay in Shapeir between QFG 2 and 3.

I had to start doing all the looking around.

Then it was time to chat with Rakeesh and Kreesha (their names are anagrams of each other...). You can also do the talk icon on yourself to greet and tell about stuff. But talking pulls up a dialogue tree of options.

The city and land around it is called Tarna and ruled by the Liontaurs. Uhura and her baby boy, Simba, have returned to her home, the Simbani village and we'll be going there in a few days to learn more about the war between the Simbani and the Leopardmen. In two days Rakeesh wants me to come with him to the Council of Judgement to attempt speaking to them of peace.

Rakeesh and Kreesha are lifemates. Kreesha is the magic council member in the Council of Judgement. Rakeesh's brother Rajah, is the King of Tarna and he's pretty hot-headed.

I could ask her about magic too and she said could teach me a spell that would allow me to channel my energy...! But not yet.

In the meantime it was time to explore Tarna, and leave Rakeesh and Kreesha to have some alone time together. Kreesha also had a room reserved for me at the inn.

Here, there's the King's Chambers up the stairs and on this level, the Apothecary and the Inn.

I went to the Apothecary first...

His name is Salim. Before I talked to him I had to look around as always.

That was the main highlight.

I tried the use icon on him:

Then I talked to this groovy...guy...radical, maaan. Just trying to get his vibe across here. So, it is the Apothecary, but he calls it Salim's Holistic Health and Happiness Eclectic Energy Emporium. He carries crystals and promotes peace and pyramid power...

He can't sell healing pills right now though. He needs the feather of a honey bird which I have to get non-violently or it won't work. That's one quest to add to the to-do list I suppose.

I could also ask about potions and lo and behold what should come up but a Dispel Potion. He was, of course, missing some ingredients: water from the Pool of Peace, a gift from the Heart of the World, and the fruit of a venomous vine. I guess Dispel Potions are just a tradition and staple of the series but they're made differently everywhere. Regional recipes I guess.

I could ask him about each, and in regards to the fruit of the venomous vine, got the best thing he's said yet:

One of the conversation topics was plants which led him to talking about a dream he had of being in a desert place and he was dancing with this tree when it changed. Suddenly the tree was like a woman and beautiful and it was magical. That gave me the option tell him about Julanar and how I'd helped her regain some hope. He was thrilled; the girl of his dreams was real! He planned to leave for Shapeir on the next caravan.

I... can't say he'd be my first choice to send to her, but hopefully for her sake it somehow works out? Whether or not anything further comes of it, the continuity is nice at any rate.

I tried to make a purchase just to see my options, but I needed to change my money first.

I popped by the inn just to see it for now.

Welcome Inn...

There was a bulletin board that had The Laws of Tarna:

Thou shalt harm none Thou shalt not use magic upon the streets of Tarna (booo and it won't even let me try) Thou shalt not take that which is not thine Thou shalt behave with honor

I also found...

A silly clown!

I chatted with the welcome woman, whose name turned out to be Janna Jamil, and learned that before I came the rulers of Tarna had sent out a party of diplomats to the Leopardmen, but only one person returned, Kharib, and he's not well now.

Kreesha's paying for my room, but I have to pay for meals... once I have the right currency. For now it just got added to my room charge. Thanks Kreesha!

It was time to poke into the bazaar.

Good ol' traditional moose head.

We've got a honey seller.

I could also ask about the honey bird. The bird gets people to follow it to a hive and then waits for the person to take honey from it and leave some for the bird. Maybe if I bought honey I could just use that as a lure to get a feather? I needed the right money though. There was also a rumour that Leopardmen are killing the Simbani people.

There was an oil salesman selling virgin olive oil. There was a rumour that the king of Tarna wants them to go to war in order drive all the humans away from city forever. A lot of liontaurs still don't get on with humans, but I don't think that particular rumour is exactly true. Or at least if the war was to be against the leopardmen that wouldn't be against the humans here.

Carrying on to the Junk salesmen, who are straight up a reference to Sanford and Son, which is a sitcom I'm not really familiar with, but looking it up, yeah that's basically just them.

There was a very enthusiastic weapon seller who tried to advertise his wares when I got close without my even talking to him. I didn't need weapons right now though.

I headed into the next area and ran into an altercation.

I chased after him into the next screen where a guard caught him and took us both to the Hall of Judgement.

The Council determined the thief, Harami, broke the laws and showed himself without honor. He was just scornful and then named honorless and sent away.

I was thanked for aiding the guards and was sent with Rakeesh to see the king, Rajah Sah Tarna.

I cannot for the life me figure out what's going on withe liontaur lady on the right. You can see where the other has her leg bent but this one is like serpent liontaur. Very strange. Anyway.

Rajah was very prickly and unimpressed with me. "Kreesha is the magic user of this land. Do you think you can out-enchant her?" And he was not too happy with Rakeesh either.

Rakeesh's daughter, Reeshaka, had led the peace mission that only had one survivor, so she's presumed dead. Rakeesh pointed out they still don't know exactly what happened and doesn't want to start a war and take more lives over this. I had the opportunity to defend Rakeesh. Rajah continued to not be particularly impressed, and I was told to leave them to their discussions.

Reeshaka would be Rajah's niece so he certainly has the right to be angry. He was still being a dick though. And war mongering isn't gonna help things.

But, there was nothing more for me to do there, so it was back out to continue exploring the bazaar. So, while my day is dwindling away next time it's time to get money changed and if there's time go shopping. Otherwise, bed time then shopping. Shopping will happen.

[bunnidid-reviews]

Tumult: a DID Graphic Novel review

Title: Tumult

Author: John Harris Dunning(writing) and Michael Kennedy(art)

Date of publication: 2018

Fiction or Nonfiction: Fiction

Was there a diagnosis of DID? The character with DID is diagnosed with DID, but the actual process isn't shown

Was the person with DID presented as evil for having DID? Until the very end, yes it's implied that the person with DID is capable of murder

Major trigger warning list:

Cheating

Alcoholism

smoking

Implied drug use

Nonexplicit sexual intercourse (Nothing nonconsenting)

Government-funded organized abuse (MK Ultra and the like? A UK versionnn of it? Sorry I don't know much about this)

Being locked in a dark room as a form of abuse/mind control

Gun violence(nonexplicit)

Stabbing

blood

A dog(alter) attacking (but with angry dog imagery thats pretty creepy)

Evil alter trope

Subjective Review(this is how I felt about it)

Personal triggering scale from 1 to 10 (1 being not triggering at all, 10 being a badly overwhelming experience that might cause personal harm): 3ish?

Personal relatability scale from 1 to 10 (1 being unrelatable, 10 being OMG THAT’S ME!): 2

Personal avoidance scale from 1 to 10(1 being eager to get on with it, 10 being impossible to finish): 6

My interpretation of the media(Includes spoilers):

Hmmmm What do I saw about this

To begin with, the book starts with the main character (Adam, not the one with DID) going into a dissociative episode it seems when he jumps off a cliff into the ocean and injured his leg. It's not entirely clear whether this is something he's gone into before, but he entirely upends his perfectly-normal life with his partner by cheating on her with a woman who stuck around him while he was healing.

Later, he's moved out, he's become an alcoholic and feels so much nothing that he essentially gives up on his job. He's ruined his own life, basically. His best friend points this out that he needs to make a change. (There's plenty of exposition that honestly just bulked up the story and didn't add much, it feels like filling in for context in a memoir, except the context leads to nooothing)

In attempt to socialize, he goes to a friend's party and sleeps with a woman there who's name is Morgan.

Adam considered it an unforgettable night, so when he sees a woman on the street who looks exactly like her, he ends up following her and insisting that she is Morgan, despite multiple denials to his claim. Finally she takes the bait because he's a slightly better option than being harassed in the street by another man trying to convince her she's in danger.

This womans name is Leila. Adam convinces her that he's certain that she's the woman he slept with, and leaves her with his card for contact.

Adam later gets a call from seemingly a little girl, with enough of an inflection in her voice that she sounds very familiar. They meet up in the park, and she introduces herself as Pretty Princess, who's concerned about what's happening around Leila. She tells him that she needs him to look out for her. Adam is perfectly fine with this offer, with a nice little..

"This craziness didn't put me off. If anything, it drew me closer."

Exposition, exposition, Adam quits his job because he's decided to become a thriller movie hero like in Die Hard, putting his energy into Figuring Leila Out.

Adam and Leila meet up again and hit it off better this time. They fuck. We get this lovely description...

"then we were in Leila's bed, and she was shape-shifting. She was girlish, manly, bestial. It was like fucking a barnyard"

Adam hangs around and snoops around her apartment because he woke up without her. He Just has no sense of boundaries almost, bent towards unravelling her mysteries.

Leila meets up with him and starts to explain her DID, only for Adam to intersect and say that he's already met Pretty Princess. He says he doesn't understand but he wants to. Leila, distressed, tells him she's been experiencing blackouts, and it brings out Pretty Princess once again. She tells him that they can no longer be near him now that he knows.

Adam and his friend talk, and they get talking about girls and equating how they see relationships to more thriller moviesssss and thennnnn

A guy shows up, his name is Dave. He was the first one to harass Leila in the street, telling her she's in danger. It turns out she really IS in danger, she was victim to a government-funded mind control program, in which they trained her to be the perfect killer. There just happens to be murders happening left and right, and at the center of it all is Leila's system and a sense of unease. Is she the killer? Is she next on the list? We the readers are left unsure.

As Leila goes to seek help from an old friend who was part of the organization, she finds out that he had suddenly died.

She has no one to turn to, so she turns back to Adam for support.

In a flashback we find out that her mother would lock her in a dark closet for hours at a time as a form of punishment.

In the present, as Adam and Leila are walking, they get mugged. It brings out her biting dog alter in self defense.

In the next scene, we see that the head of the organization apparently had some weirddddd views on religion? that might've influenced how heee wenttt abouttt things, but again, it's never really brought up, only implied. Pretty Princess shows up and tells him she is probably intending to kill him, and he doesn't deny any of her claims about the organization, that they were indeed trying to make the perfect killer.

Except something mysterious.. Happened?

Anyway, they got the confirmation that the conspiracy theories were confirmed and all the 'random' killings are linked.

Insert a scene where we find out that Leila is some sort of escort, and it triggers out another one of her alters, a sultan who threatens to castrate the clientele. At least her coworker seems understanding. (I've heard from my dancer sibling that most fellow sex workers understand dissociation to some degree tbf)

Leila meets up with the program director, who seems genuinely remorseful for what he's done to her. He reveals that he doesn't believe Morgan is capable of the killing that everyone's thinking she is, that he only got into the program because he wanted to study DID

Some stuff, Leila gets kidnapped and it brings out the Grave Digger alter. the person asks a lot about their DID, more than any stranger would know, and they answer honestly. We never really know who kidnapped the system, but we know someone else who was involved in the program is killed directly after.

Leila wakes up, gets a call, and switches with Morgan, who we haven't seen since the night she slept with Adam.

We learn that Morgan was specifically trained to kill, in turn for learning how to control her DID(?). It's revealed that Morgan's never killed anyone while in their training, and implied that she never has since. They have sex and the system disappears from Adam's life.

But hes in too deep and can't take a hint, so Adam stalks theeee doctor from before I think, the one who begged for forgiveness? waiting for his inevitable demise.

It turns out he's been doing the killings so he can sell her as a weapon, and using Morgan as a scapegoat for his crimes by triggering her out every time there's a murder taking place so Leila's system has no choice but to suspect themselves.

Ssssomething happened, since the system was getting locked in the dark as a means of triggering and controlling them, everyone ended up seeeinggg aaaa masss vision? Of some goddess that came to comfort her or something? It's really weird and unclear what exactly happened here, but the governement stopped funding the project because they couldn't believe what was being reported.

Then Morgan kills the doctor, and Adam just happens to be there to sweep her into his arms. In the end, we see that Morgan is an accepted part of the system.

~

I wasn't planning on marrating the entirity of the book, I'm trying to cut down on explaining everything but it's very hard to, sorry. I have a lot of thoughts on this, not a lot positive.

I mean yes, the DID was portrayed fairly well. I don't think the system members were entirely nonsense, they were a mixture of specific and odd enough to be made by a little girl going through trauma. That is to say, Leila and her system aren't really the problem here. I'd actually prefer if the book was more about them

It's just.. Adam. He's.. I don't want to root for him at all, and his interest in the system may have grown into genuine concern, but I have genuine concern for how he's gone about this the entire time. He is blatantly putting his partner on a weird abelist pedestal and doesn't see her as a person in her own right, not really. Just an interesting mystery to unravel, a possible threat, and something to fetishize. I don't often look to other reviews for insight on my own, but I did say that someone else said it was fine, just really weirdly sexist. Because, yeah, it really is.

The story is kind of a slog to get through when it's less than 200 pages also. There's a lot of detail that doesn't fucking matter at all, like a lot of movie references, or caterwauling for 4 pages on how he knows this one guy... We don't actually meet Morgan until halfway through the book, if you can believe it. It's just dense with a lot of stuff I (sorry about this) Don't fucking care about!

I don't know, I came away from this book feeling weirdly objectified for having a disorder.

I also don't understand theeee suddenly Magic thing that apparently happened in the end. It was way out of left field when the rest of the book seemed to be grounded in some sort of reality.

I can't speak on the experience of government-based mind control either, I don't know anything about programming either so I can't really speak on that. It did seem pretty scary that she ended up in this institution by seeking help for her DID, though. I don't feel great about that, I don't know if that happens but it feels like a deterrent to get help.

I don't know. I think I don't like the book. The art style isn't my cup of tea either, so I'm not super fond of it anyway.

If you've read it, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. I don't remember how I end these reviews, but those are my scattered thoughts.

What they got Right in my opinion:

That DID comes from extended, inescapable childhood trauma

All the origins of the alters shown made sense for alters. (the dog coming from feeling cornered, the sultan being an introject from some artwork, etc)

Seeing communication between alters was very nice

Leila feeling as though she was doing fine until looking at her life a little closer was very relatable. As she put it, 'A bug under a rock that's been upturned'

What they got Wrong in my opinion:

Not about DID, but I don't feel like stalking and not taking no as an answer should be rewarded with sex and affection just because the other party is 'concerned' :')

What. was the magic that happened. I do not think that happens when being put through reliving your childhood trauma.

The constant theming about alters being violent and implying one is a killer. even if it was disrobed pretty well in the end, it's not a great feeling throughout and very trope-y

People with DID are just as equal partners to people without and shouldn't be seen as something to fetishize or treat like a puzzle for you to solve, unless explicitly given the okay to.

Would I reccomend this to someone with DID to read? No. I don't feel like this was for someone with DID to read. The intention does not feel like it's made for someone with DID as much as it is a well-researched gimmick for neurotypical people to fetishize.

[datawyrms]

Truce time!

Hi @noxposting :v you got me as your secret gift giver. You get fic this year, because art and I look at one another with wary stares until the other backs down. Hopefully you enjoy it? I tried to add bits of multiple prompts but :v crypid danny going to a coffee shop won out. mostly. heh. On Ao3

Barista. Not exactly the pinnacle of anyone’s career, heck, many would call it a low point. Not Valerie though. She knew the real pits of food based service, thanks. It didn’t even involve food! That hideous mascot outfit reeked worse than a dumpster on a warm summer evening on a GOOD day; and anyone that saw you managed to treat you WORSE than that! Which was probably the whole point, when you got ‘promoted’ to cash or the grill you’d actually feel grateful. Seeing your face sure didn’t stop everyone from being the worst human they can be, but enough were too cowardly to be as rotten when the threat of spitting in their food was right there.

It didn’t help with the looks about someone ‘young’ working at a burger place so ‘soon’, and the next time someone asked if she should be in school on a Saturday was getting a special side seasoning of knuckles. If she didn’t need the money, she wouldn’t be working!

So yeah, in short? Getting hired at a coffee shop was a major step up from the Nasty Burger. Like, who calls a place Nasty Burger? She might not be the biggest fan of coffee either, but at least she wasn’t reeking of grease and having weird sauce explosion nightmares anymore. (The training videos about the Nasty sauce were ridiculous, there was no way you could legally keep something that explosive and give it to people to eat, why so graphic?)

Sure, fewer people from school dropped by here, but that was sort of a plus too. Even if it wasn’t as embarrassing to be seen working once free of mascot duty, it still didn’t feel great to watch how everyone else in class got to have fun while she worked for peanuts. Having some easy ways to slack off and chat a bit on slower days was nice though. Usually only bored old ladies wanted to chat here, and not about anything remotely interesting. 

Sam Manson was the only person she’d recognized today, but she didn’t really count. Valerie didn’t know what the goth girl’s deal was, but she always acted like she was trying to ‘steal’ her friend. Which yeah okay, she did date Danny for a bit, but it’s not like Sam even tried to date him first! Having more friends or romantic interests wasn’t going to kill the guy, seriously. In her opinion, Sam was way more likely to hurt Danny than she was. Maybe Sam should look at herself instead of getting all weirdo over-protective. Whatever. At least she didn’t make the same old person joke every single customer thought she never heard before. Paid, got enough sugar for her drink to reasonably be considered a soft drink, and left her alone. Easy.

Valerie got back to cleaning up her work area, there wasn’t more for her to accomplish just staring at the sitting area. The bell at the door would let her know if she had to turn around.

Which it did, twenty minutes later. It wasn’t Sam leaving, but some new guy wanting an order. Normal. Except Sam wasn’t sitting alone anymore. When had Danny got here? It wasn’t with Sam- she saw her come in alone. At the same time as new customer guy? Only if he could teleport. Pretty sure the Fentons didn’t have a magic teleporter invented yet, or there’d be way more weird ghost hunter home invasions.

She wasn’t staring. She wasn’t. Took an order, made it, put the cash in the register all without staring at the weirdness of a suddenly appearing ex. Totally.

Danny didn’t even do coffee! Why would he be here? You’d think someone so constantly tired would at least try coffee for the caffeine kick- but he acted like she suggested he stick his tongue in a blender when she asked if that’s what he kept in his thermos one day. Kind of a weird overreaction, but that was just Danny. It was kind of cute in a way, like he needed big reactions to get noticed at all. Considering his family though… she could get it.

If there weren’t more customers coming she might have gone over and asked if he wanted anything. Even if Manson would have been catty about it. She wasn’t scary, just loud.

Mostly people going to join the first guy who ordered. Friends meeting up, probably. Did it matter? No, but thinking about it gave her something to do as her feet got sore and staring while cleaning got boring.

Nosy friends. Sam wasn’t happy, judging by the death glares. Like she wasn’t ever loud with Danny or Tucker. Sheesh.

“Hey Val, can I get a water?”

She blinked once, twice. Danny had not gotten to the counter that fast. Without even making a sound against the slick tile floor. Yet there he was, shy half grin on his face, rubbing the back of his neck like he was asking for a big favour.

“Sure, but it’s gotta be in the dinky little cup. That alright?” It was a dumb policy, but that was jobs for you. What was he going to do with a coffee cup full of cold water, make ‘illegal tea’? Who cares?

“Totally. Thanks.” Danny’s grin grew, almost a bit too much for a guy getting a baby cup of tap water.

It was weird. The hairs on the back of her neck shouldn’t be acting up from Danny just being a bit of a goof over water. She forced the stupid feeling down as she handed over the drink and shook her brain back to reality. “No problem. Nasty Burger closed or something?”

“Nah. Tuck’s just grounded and Sam wanted to go somewhere that didn’t reek of cooking animals,” he said, adding playful air quotes to reek before taking the cup. “Those guys don’t seem like they’re locals, what do you think?”

“Listen, after like two hours you all look the same.” Valerie answered with an eye roll, earning another laugh from the boy. “I don’t think I’ve seen them here before though, no.”

“Elmerton, maybe?”

“Maybe? I don’t get paid enough to pay that much attention to them.” Valerie rubbed her forehead before looking at Danny again. Somehow he’d gotten even worse at making conversation! Who cares about some slightly noisy table group?

“We’d find out pretty quick if there was a ghost attack.”

Danny was joking, obviously, but it didn’t keep her from leaning over to hiss “Don’t you dare speak bad luck into my day, Fenton” under her breath.

“Okay, okay! I’m totally not doing that,” he held up his hands in mock surrender, but the easy smile stayed in place.

Sometimes she really wanted to strangle the stick of a boy. Ghosts weren’t funny! He knew that! Some were pathetic, but still not funny. “Good.”

Danny gave a little wave, nearly spilling the thimbleful of water that could fit in the sad little cup as he headed back to the looming thunderstorm that was Sam.

Maybe she was glaring as much as the goth was, she kept feeling the need to blink or rub at her eyes, but they didn’t feel dry. Weird. Her suit would warn her of any real danger from spectral pests, but she could do without randomly feeling really off for no reason.

Oh! She was just feeling weird because it wasn’t so loud anymore. That was all. The uncomfortable chill and too long shadows were just in her head. The noisy group kept looking around and fidgeting in their seats instead of just loudly saying everything and everything. Sam was comfortable enough, even if it looked like the light on her side of the room had died, leaving her and Danny lurking in shadows that kept creeping closer and closer to the other group- not literally.

She shook her head. She needed a break. Pushing back into the employee’s only section would give her a moment to drink some water and wake up before she started seeing things.

–

“Pushing it a bit? She totally almost caught you.”

“But she didn’t.” Danny pushed Sam’s comment away as he slid out of his seat. “Besides, I thought you wanted me to get ‘em to shut up a bit.”

“I did. You’re just being extra,” Sam rolled her eyes, watching the now quite cowed group of out-of-towners.

Danny gave a loose shrug, shoulders weirdly out of tune with the movement that should be all about them. “I’m hungry! No one local ever gets scared of easy stuff anymore,” his arm twitched as he spoke, a faint green twisting and twining through his skin. It seemed to thread through skin and muscle, pulsing and pulling bits from beneath before sliding back into smooth skin again, a secret no one was meant to really see.

Sam pointedly avoided looking at that arm. She didn’t try to tell him to be more careful again either.

Danny’s grin slid a bit too far to be comfortable on a human face before he moved closer to the group that kept looking for the door. “Hey. Did any of you guys see the light switch? It’s kind of dark here.”

It was dark in here. On a bright sunny day, with all the windows open. It shouldn’t be- but ghosts hardly cared about what ‘shouldn’t’ be. He wanted it to be dark- and his powers obliged. Eagerly, even. Happy, delighting that instead of squabbling and fighting with another ghost he was going to do what they were meant to do. Scare the daylights out of the living. Grab the feeling and emotion and life his own chest forgot how to feel some days. More and more often, lately.

“No? I-I didn’t really see anything.” The first person tried to answer back, failing to match Danny’s easy smile, leaning further back in his chair as Danny leaned forward, a tilt to his head.

“Really? Darn. Maybe one of you can help me out?”

It was funny. He was totally still ‘Danny Fenton’ right now, asking a very casual question in an easy way but everyone lurched back as if he asked to rip out their teeth. “I totally get it if you can’t though. I just have bad luck with switches.”

He reached out, arm twitching again in an awful, too loose way. Like he’d popped it out of his arm socket but it kept slowly reaching towards his target as it twisted and seemed to burn. Neon green scarring burst out from his fingertips and spread as he got closer and closer and flared into a painful glow as they screamed and tried to back away from him.

His friends didn’t do much better, scrambling away and abandoning their friend to the ‘terrifying thing’ casually just walking after him.

“What are you! Get back!”

Danny ignored the panicked pleading, only grinning as the others found the door to be locked. “Huh? I’m just a guy asking you for help?”

“No you aren’t! You-you-you’re some monster!”

His eyes flashed green as he put his twisted, burning, scarring arm to his chest. “A monster? Really?” The green scarring spread like the electricity that first caused it- the damage throwing his whole body into a sickly painful looking glow. “Is that what you see?”

His target tripped as he tried to escape, tangled in his own legs and shaking too much to really gain any ground even as Danny didn’t move above walking speed. “If I’m such a monster, how about you tell me how it feels?”

The shriek was enough to hurt his ears for a second as he reached forward and grabbed the unfortunate human, the rolling  green transferred over for only seconds before it leapt back to Danny, slowly fading back under his skin and taking all the horrific damage with it.

The doors had unlocked, letting all the others escape as he rocked on his heels, waiting for the one who’d passed out from sheer terror to get back up. It wasn’t as if he ACTUALLY felt how awful that day was. It was a fraction, a hint of his own memory. Not fatal. Just absolutely terrifying. 

“And Sam calls me dramatic.” Danny muttered, nudging them again with his foot before joining Sam back at the table. He could just say the others pranked him and left him if Valerie was annoyed at the unconscious person on the floor.

After all, it wasn’t as if any ghost was here. She’d know about an ‘attack’. He’d just gotten his own kind of snack.

[atrial-ofhorror-if]

Hey, y'all! It's that time of the month again~~ Time for a monthly update!! 

I want to start this off with checking in on you guys. How's everyone doing? The year just started but it just feels like time is moving so fast already. I hope that this year will be much kinder to us all than it has been 🙏🏿🙏🏿 last year really tried to knock my dome top off, but I'm still here, so thats something. Let's all do our best, and kick or at least bruise the universes ass!

Clerical Updates

I have some changes that I'm planning for the Itch.io page, guys 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿First thing first, I want to change the game's title screen. I had initially made it in Canva with the aid of a friend from work, but as I continue to work through the game, I feel like there could be a much more fitting image. However, your girl isn't a graphic designer, so I want to commission someone to make a header or some shit.

Then I want to add a game starting page into the actual demo. I’ve looked at some examples from other IF writers who have made one, but I think my code is wrong (as it usually is), so I’m pacing back and forth trying to figure out exactly how and what I’m doing wrong. stay tuned for the shenanigans, cause I bet its something super simple 🙃🙃

I've been slowing down in writing. I typically write in my Google docs app on my phone, it's easier than opening my laptop, but the app has been having hella issues. I think it's because of the document size, so it's been significantly slowing down my writing time. I've been looking into alternative apps, so if anyone has recommendations, let me know. 

Game Progress

 I am officially at 60k+ words!!  

To be well (Alex’s Route): 49%

Search and Destroy (Mark's Route): <1%

Interlude (Intermission): 4%

So far, I have three big scenes left to write in Alex’s route. 

North Wing. Nuff said.

Convergent: not to be confused with divergence

Isekai? Isekai. 

Once I've written those scenes out, the rest will be smooth sailing. I just have ends to tie up and scenes to flesh out before I can finally push it into editing. I might do some of the fleshing out during editing to make it easier on myself (and to give myself a break), but I am just trying to go with the flow.

Once I push the game into editing, I'll take a break before I start on Mark's route. I'm still dealing with fatigue from Miss Rona despite having the same progress I had before I got sick but it just feels... weird. Like your girl is trapped in a slumber or something and I can't get out, but now I'm being anecdotal.

Back onto topic.

I want to talk about Mark's route for a moment. Because it truly is the bane of my existence, and I'm DREADING having to write it. I have three possible ways of how I want to deal with it:

Write the damn thing out, and stop bitching. Not ideal

Don't write it and be great 😤😤😤 most ideal

Release Alex's route once done with editing and worry about Mark at a later date. also not ideal cause then I have to come back to it! 🥴🤧😭

So, the last option is something I'm looking at real disrespectfully. Partially because I'm probably going to have to rewrite some of the subplots because when I plotted the outline for the entire episode, I had a precise idea of what was to occur. But Alex's route completely shifted from what was supposed to be there into something that I don't even recognize. Which isn't a bad thing, just… an inconvenience 🥴🥴

Therefore a lot of things that were supposed to happen just didn't. Which, again, isn't a bad thing. It just means that I need to reign the plot in again. I could finesse a lot of the content to make it flow, BUT that will take me some time.

So, in short... I still don't know what I'm gonna do!! 😭😭 but I probably will end up writing Mark's route cause I don't want to end up shorting you guys on content just cause I'm feeling lazy.

This episode has a LOT of variety in it. Like, I'm not even bullshitting. I'm aiming to make it so that you guys can replay it as often as you desire and still find new things you would have missed. (To make up for the fact that episode 2 probably won't be released until next year if we're being honest 🥴🥴)

The interlude isn't even something I'm thinking about at the moment. Partially because I'm trying to push through Episode 1, get done with Alex's Route and start on Mark's. A portion of it will still be in the update, but I'm debating if its going to be even smaller than what I intended it to be. Possibly? But again, I'm not so much of a planner as much as I am a 'go with the flow'er.

I'm hoping to drop pieces of the interlude this year until it's whole, instead of just writing the entire thing, cause I swear I'm not doing this shit again, lol 🤣🤣. Either way, I will keep you guys updated if anything changes.

I think that's it? If you guys have any questions, you know what to do. And if you need anything, let me know! I'm semi-available (not really) on the weekdays so I'll try to answer any asks as quickly as I can. But either way, love y'all 🤎🤎

[goodautisticdick]

Draft of a neurodivergent relationship tool I'm building

Here's a draft of a relationship tool I'm workshopping. It's not even close to done, and there should be graphics and all kinds of cool things, but I wanted to get it out there.

-

Neurodivergent Relationship Plan

This tool is designed to help neurodivergent people clearly and safely set up plans and boundaries for exploring relationships, dating, and intimacy. This is meant to be done individually, then compared to set the pace for relationship advancement- With a focus on more restrictive boundaries being respected first. At this point in the relationship, check the following that you are interested in engaging in (note that this can change later, but please let your partner know!) Add a + if it’s something you would like to do, a check if it’s alright, and a X if it’s a not yet. If someone has put an X on something, that is not an indicator that you should pester them to change- let them decide when to change it. Note that this is not an exhaustive list of activities, so don’t treat it as such, just use it as a starting point, and discuss things not on this list as they come up.

-Hanging out in public -Hanging out online -Hanging out in private -Going on dates -Doing home dates -Driving/traveling together -Receiving gifts -Spending the night in the same house -Spending the night in the same room -Spending the night in the same bed -Hugging -Holding hands -Cuddling -Nonsexual caressing (rubbing shoulders, hair, etc) -Kissing -Physical intimacy (see physical intimacy section) -Going on trips -Spending multiple days together

As the relationship progresses, you may want to inform your partner that you’d like to explore something that you had previously put an X on. Please know that it is on you to set your boundary, but it’s important to set very clear rules and guidance on where it’s being lowered. For example, you might say you’re interested in nonsexual caressing, but do not want anyone touching your hair- please say so.

Warning phrase- Come up with a phrase that means stop. This could be as simple as Stop, or red light, or something silly or uncommon, to indicate that you need things to be serious right now. For example, if your partner is tickling you, and it is very overwhelming and you need her to stop right now, you might say ‘Pickle!’ and she should know that this means to stop. In turn, if someone uses this tool, thank them. It means that they are committed to making things work in a way that is comfortable to them.

Navigating neurodiversity- There’s no rulebook or road map for dating while neurodiverse, so it’s important to identify the pieces of your own neurodiversity that might come up during your time together. A good example of this might be a special focus on routine, or sensory issues- Perhaps your partner has a very rigid bedtime routine, and it’s important to respect that and not move his toothbrush from it’s usual spot, or perhaps he has an issue with high pitched noises, so you shouldn’t use an electric toothbrush while he’s in the bathroom. Give the same grace you would want given to you.

Navigating intimacy: Sex is complicated. Sex while neurodivergent, more so. It’s hard to know what works for you when the sexual landscape is designed for neurotypicals. That being said, it’s good to look at your own neurodivergence and think about how that might affect your sex life. Are you someone who is really into textures? Well, then you’re likely to enjoy certain aspects of touching your partner. Is routine big to you? Let your partner know so you can figure out setting up a night of the week for intimacy. Do you get bored of the same thing? Find a fun list of things to try in bed. Do you like to stim by touching yourself? Let your partner know that you doing this isn’t an invitation, or maybe that it can be, but set appropriate expectations about what you’re doing. Is there a trauma history to know about? You might not be in a place to discuss it now (or even have the ability to articulate it), but letting your partner know that you’ve had bad experiences, and want to make sure the experiences with them are good ones is a good way to put it on their radar without giving them any more detail than you want.

The following is a basic body chart to indicate where is good to be touched. Red is no, yellow is maybe, blue is yes, green is enthusiastically yes! Note that this may need to be revised at any time. You can also add lists of types of touch- for example, writing next to the back “Rub only.”

In public touch chart

In private touch chart

During intimacy touch chart

Overload touch chart (This is for when someone is experiencing a shutdown or sensory overload, indicating where you should or can touch them. Note that seeing a loved one go into a shut down can be very worrying, and your partner will want to help, so having guidance during this time can be very helpful.)

Ways I say no: Think about the ways you say you don’t want to do something anymore. Sometimes you might not have any, and if so, now’s the time to think of them! For example, say your partner is nibbling on your shoulder, and the sensation of her teeth is really grossing you out. Having a warning phrase can be useful, or there may be other ways you may want to have them know about, such as flinching, blinking quickly, or stopping talking.

Intimacy dos and don’ts:

Don’t do this until you’ve both decided that you’re comfortable exploring intimacy together. This is a list to be compared so you can look at activities you’d enjoy doing together. Note that it being on this list does not mean consent has been given- always check before doing something! Communication is how things go great!

Intimacy dos:

Intimacy maybes:

Intimacy nos:

For example, Sam might have the following:

Intimacy dos: Getting oral, kissing chest, scratching back (medium to hard), being pinned down, hands bound, neck biting, giving oral, talking dirty

Intimacy maybes: Fingering, having penetrative sex with condom, being tied up, licking my body, toys

Intimacy nos: Rimming, watersports, spanking, public sex

Note that, like anything on this list, you can add or change things, but let your partner know.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of tools you can use, but this helps lay things out overtly for people to share their interests and boundaries with each other, to help facilitate better communication as you begin and explore your relationship together!

[thewritersaddictions]

2023: Eddie Munson- Episode 13 Hourglass

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OFC! Lilly Miller

Pov: Eddie

Warnings: Marriage proposal, time flip, smut, fancy dinner out, 2025 to 1986, Dustin, Vecna fight, dreaming, a different life, angst, fluff. ETC

Summary: The night before Eddie decides to propose to Lilly. He takes her on a wonderful night wining and dining her. Falling asleep with her in his arms, and waking up somewhere else entirely.

A/n- Firefly-graphics for dividers

WC- 5.6k

Stranger Things Master List // The Adults Master List // 2023 Series Master List

Two years later the plan that’s been worming its way into Eddie’s mind finally come to fruition. I laugh at myself, the rings iH ad bought nearly two years ago, had made itself home between my socks, and boxers. Waiting for the day it would come out into the fresh air, and be placed on Lilly’s hand. My thoughts had gotten to me that christmas and they had led me to not asking her to marrying me that year or the following year. This year would be different I thought to myself as I stared at the velvet box in the draw. Lilly’s shower taking extra long due to her need to be prim, and proper for dinner tonight. Two years ago I was able to graduate from a night class school, and get my GED. With that I was able, sadly might I add to leave my job at the auto body shop. The old man was more then sad to see me leave, so when I did leave. Lilly made a whole meal out of it. Packing several meals for the old man, and even getting him a little vacation gift card to Indy.

I had sued my GED to become a pretty good contractor, and with that job came a pretty good salary. So months ago when the wallet was thicker, and the afternoon was cold. I grabbed my phone and called a restaurant not far off in Indy. a steak house that served the best of the best for special nights like what I had planned. I called during my lunch break. I asked for the best glass of wine, and that I was going to be proposing to my girlfriend. I wanted something not to far, but far enough away from people that nobody saw what was happening. The hostess was kind enough to give us a private room, and so a part of the dinner was planned. Getting there would be the harder part, telling Lilly without telling her would be the harder part of all of it. Two weeks before our planned dinner I scheduled some time off, a whole week. The whole week leading up to, and the day of the proposal I’d take off. Let Lilly and I enjoy our time together. There would be no need for jobs, or anything else to get in the way. Now it was time to tell her what was going to happen.

“Lils, I need to tell you something babe.” I yelled as I walked into the trailer. The trailer was still the same. Furniture here and there. More hots, and books littered across the urface. The kitchen cabinets had grown to fit the mugs that Lilly had gifted me almost every year. Possibly starting a tradition of mugs for christmas. Regardless I waited for her. My boots were killing my feet so I sat at the kitchen table and waited for her there as I unlaced my boots. There’s a soft padding of feet from the back of the trailer. Socks are the first thing in my view. She’s all wrapped up. The new year, and valentines just having passed. The cold weather had yet to leave Hawkins. “Yeah babe.” She said standing there in froint of me with fuzzy socks and wrapped in warmth. “We are leaving town in a few days. Going out to Indy, so get to packin’ baby.” I said setting my boots off the side.

“What do you mean we’re leaving town, and going to Indy?” She asked me. “Exactly what I mean babe, you and I are going to go relax for a few days because when was the last time either one of us stopped for more then a rest or a dinner date out?” I ask her. Sure we had dinner dates, and went over to Steve and Robins but nothing with just the two of us. She looks down at me, I still can’t tell even now after two years if she knows when I’m serious or joking. Lilly goes to say something, but closes her mouth. “You got off from work?” She asks, I nod. “Now go pack I wanna leave in the morning.” I say standing and kissing her forehead softly, before making my way towards the bathroom. She stands there util I gather my things from the bedroom, and slip into the bathroom. The shower is just what I needed from a hard day at work, the work wasn’t hard per-say but it was nice being able to come home and relax under the hot spray of water. I hear the door open, “I’m just grabbing my stuff for our trip. Oh, wait how long are we gonna be gone?” Lilly asks me. I shrug, not that she can see through the shower curtain. “I’d say at least a week, and plan for a dinner at least once.” I say over the spray of water. I hear a few seconds later the door close back up. I finish my shower up, and get out wrapping the towel around my wasit. Indy is a few hours drive from Hawkins, so that means we would be leaving early in the morning.

When I manage to get back into the bedroom. Lilly has her suitcase laid out on the bed surface her entire side of the bed is taken up by clothes and her case. “What should I bring? She asks, holding up two options of dresses, I look between them then back at her. “For dinner?” I point at them, she nods. “I’d say the black one.” I start digging through my draws. Looking for a pair of sweats along with a good long sleeve shirt that hasn’t been stolen by Lilly yet. I grab my backpack that same one that i’ve been using for years now at this point. I don’t care for much of whatever I’m grabbing besides one set of nice clothes. The clothes that I’ll be wearing when I ask her to marry me. On my knees and asking for her hand.

She doens’t notice me grab the ring from the draw and shove it deep down in the bag. When I’m done, and ready for bed I notice that Lilly is stressing over what to pack. “Babe, Lilly. Will you stop stressing over what to pack.” She looks over at me. Frustration runs in her face. “Lilly listen to me will ya… you look great, wonderful in everything you wear. Just pack what you normally wear.” I say her shoulders drop, and she sighs out hard. She ends up just packing what she’s got on the bed. The black dress, and an assorment of jeans and long sleeves.

The first day is spend driving, listening to all sorts of music on the way, to many bathroom breaks to count, and crappy fast food on the side road of the highway. When we made it to Indy, the hunt for a good hotel started. Lilly was hunched over her phone searching for a hotel when we hit the city limits. She did end up finding a rather nice hotel, which when we did get there I told Lilly to not botherin with going in, I’d do that part get our room and she could get her things together.

When I got up to the front desk, the manager was sitting ther waiting. “Hello, sir how can I help you tonight?” He asked, “I need a room for two. I… how do i say this. I plan on aksing my girlfriend to marry me. So I need a room like that.” I said to the manager with a shrug of my shoulders. He nodded, “I think I have what you’re looking for.” “but not like to surprisey, i don’t want my girlfriend to know just yet ya know.” The manager nodded for a second time. He handed me the key to me after taking my information down, card imforntion and gave me a map of the hotel parking lot, and hotel buildings. “Thank you sir.” When I walked out of the foyer Lilly was standing ther at the back of the car. Digging out her bag, and mine. “You pack so light Eds.” She said as she started to roll her bag towards me. “It’s out of habit, love.” I tell her. The rest of the night is settling into the room, which thankfully doesn’t look to proposingy.

Day Two is spent in the morning first trying to figure out where the closet grocery store is, along with a good breakfast place is. Once all of that was found out, we went back to the hotel, putting away our groceries and then headed out to the four stared breakfast place. The drive wasn’t long beside being in a city it wasn’t much different then being back home in Hawkins. For the rest of the day was spent walking around the downtown area and searching for something easy to do. That’s when Lilly found that the tickets for the museum of art were on sale. Did either of us like art, we wer to find out when we walked through the cold building. Lilly was enmored by the art all over the alls. It took us hours to get through the entire museum, so when we were done it was nearly dinner. Again Lilly, and I went on the search for some sort of food in the downtown area. I ended up finding a great burger shop not far from the car. We sit together, and eat. The silence of the town falls into our dinner date.

Day Three is a great day. That morni g we wake up early. Opting to go to the hotels pool. Sure it’s March and it’s still cold but it’s all worth it to just spend a few hours in the pool and watch her splash around like a kids first time at the pool. When we leave it’s already mid evening, Lilly and I opt to just go back to the otel room. Smelling of chlorine, we take a shower separately because Lilly knows that if I get in the shower with her we’ll never leave the bathroom. While Lilly is showering I go through some of the grocery we had bought. I end up making al azy days meal. A few grilled chesse sit on top of each other while I wait on Lilly. She comes out in a sweats and a t-shirt of mine. “Grilled cheese.” I say waving towards the food. She smiles, “Of course, sir. I couldn’t think of a better meal.”

Day Four is spent doing what I thought was fun at least. Going to a few music stores for a new instrument. Lilly follows me by the heels of my feet. Sure she gazes and watches as a few people are all together in a sort of band. That night we get subs from a local deli. We sit in the deli, and the food is enough to keep us from talking. The plan of asking her to marry me is getting closer, and closer.

Day Five is a food and entertainment day. We do some shopping in the downtown area. Old antiques stores that Lilly had saw almost the first day we arrived in Indy. She’s enmored by all the old things that are apart of the store. “Look, look, look.” She says waving me over. Her hands are stuffed into a ratty box that’s filled with books and other old things. Lilly looks beautiful like she’s right at home. “What’d ya find, babe?” She looks up at me. Her face is gleaming with excitement. “Only all of the best things in the world.” I roll my eyes at her words. Hours go by before i have to end up dragging Lilly out of the building back to our car. So that we aren’t late to our food and entertainment show. Begrudgingly I’m ableto get Lilly out of the store without spending all of her money into the car, and to the show before we’re late to it.

Day Six is all about getting rest, and sleep. The past two days had been filled with adventure, and all sorts of things that meant that both of us were super fucking tired. I woke up when the warmth of Lilly next to me left. I heard the clink and clang of pans in the small kitchenet that came along with the hotel room. “Good mornin.” I said as I wrapped my arms around her wasit and pulled her away from the counter. “Hello, to you too sir.” She said softly. I nipped at her ear, and kissed her neck gently. “What are you making?” I asked, looked like pancakes, and maybe something like hashbrowns. “Someting good. Now go sit, and take this cup of coffee with you.” She said ushering me out of the kitchen space. Cause let’s be honest having someone else in the kitchen with you doesn’t alway work. It’s not always romantic to be cooking with your partner especially if you and your partner aren’t that good of cooks together. That whole day is spent lounge around the hotel room, watching returns of old jeopardy episodes, and trying to see if we’re smarter than half the people on those shows. Dinner is room service that night. Room service brings up a bottle of champagne, and a good chicken dinner which get devour before the campage bottle is even half empty. We cuddle, and turn on a movie that been playing on repeat on the DVR. Lilly falls asleep half way through the movie, and in my lap she get’s comfortable. When the movie ends I grab the remote and turn off the tv. I shift as to not wake Lilly up. I get ready for bed, and move sheets back so when I pick her up and place her back on the bed she’s a little bit more comfortable.

The seventh day. This day is more then special. I have to get everything ready. That morning I wake up in great sprits. I make us a great breakfast that I have to follow the directions online. Creeps, fruit, coffee. That’s all set out on the balcony of the hotel room. I have to wake Lilly gently. She shifts in her sleep, and opens her eyes slowly. “Hey, sweetheart. Do you want some food, coffee?” I ask her even though she’s still very sleepy. She nods her head, and shifts the sheets off of her body. I let her get herself together before dragging her towards the balancy. When her eyes set out on the little show I’ve put together she smiles widely. “This all looks so good babe.” She says. The first thing she picks up is her coffee. Then she takes a look out from the balancy. There’s nothing special but still a view of the city we aren’t to far away from. “ ihave a few things planned for today Lils.” I says as I sit down and start to cut into my meal. Her brows rise, “Really? Like what?” She asks, she sips on her coffee and chews her food. As I describe how I would love to take her to the zoo, and then come back get ready for that fancy dinner I had planned and told her about a week prior. She nods her head along with each thing. “So the zoo, and then come back get ready for this pseicla dinner, and then the actual dinner?” She asks, like she’s making sure she got it all right. I nod and take a sip of my now warm coffee. “What are you planning over there mister?” She asks, i shrug my shoulders. “Just wanted to take my lady on a proper vacation.” Her eyes squint like she’s trying to see into my heart, and soul. “Hmm, I’ll believe you for now.” She says and then finishes off her coffee, and breakfast.

Dishes land in the tiny sink, and we shower right after each other. With it still being cold outside. Lilly opted for that beautiful pair of jeans, and a long sleeve shirt that has a v-neck. Giving off a certain look that I’m head over heels for. I’m not too far off from what she’s wearing. My outfit has only one color throughout the whole thing. Black. She grabs her winter jacket, and I grab mine before the key and leave the hotel room off for the first part of the day. The drive back downtown this time is somewhat worse. The traffic is horrible, and as we wait for people and lights we listen to the music playing from the radio.

When we do finally get to a parking space, and to the actual zoo it’s not as cold outside. The morning sun warms the concrete ground, and keeps a constant flow of people out of their cars and into the zoo’s entrance line. “We should have bought tickets before we left Hawkins.” Lilly says, leaning back and forth on her feet. I nod my head agreeing with her comment, grabbing her gently on the waist and pulling her into my side. “Let’s just see how long the line takes.” Children run around as mothers who are already worn out try to catch them. The line in time shrinks, giving me the time I need to take my wallet out and wait for our turn. We buy tickets, and they wrap a paper bracelet around our wrists.

They have all different types of animals, and for the first few hours it takes us to get through just the land animals. Lilly is totally kept by the animals, and their descriptions. Some follow her through the glass, and some want to be fed by her. I stand back and just watch. She’s amazing in such a way that I don’t understand myself. “Babe?” “Hmm?” “Do you wanna ride the train?” Her eyes light up with a childlike joy. “Of fucking course I wanna ride the train.” Some moms look over and offended at the curse words that fall from her mouth, and into their precious children's ears. The train ride brings up around the complete land animals area. From there Lilly can truly see everything, and every animal. I’m able while she’s not really paying attention to snap a few pictures of her joyful smile.

We get a few snacks and travel towards the sea animals. Some dolphins, and the facts that Lilly pulls out of her head are amazing. Things that aren’t even written down on the multiple descriptions. Deserts, and Forests are the last sections we go to before I can see the tiredness wrap around Lilly’s head. “Hey let’s go baby.” I say grabbing her, pressing her up against me. Yawning, she nods her head and then rests it against my chest. It’s only mid afternoon when we get back to the car and the minutes that Lilly hits the passenger seat she knocks out. Not waking until I park at the hotel. She grumbles something about a great dream. “Babe, how about you go take a nap. I’ll wake you up before we have to leave.” I say to her as she walks like a sloth to the bed. A thumbs up is all I get.

Hours later I also wake up from a much needed nap, Lilly had never gotten under the covers, so she lays like a star-fish above the fluffiest covers ever. Her face has lines from the fabric and pillows. “Lilly, you gotta wake up.” I say softly as I shake her gently. She doesn’t stir, a deep sleeper. “Babe, you gotta get ready for our dinner.” I say a little louder, she stirs moving under me. “Lilly, you’ve gotta get up and shower.” I say once more, her eyes go wide and her head hits mine. “Oh shit, that hurt.” She says bring a hand to her forehead. I kiss her forehead, and she sits there for a moment. “Shower love.” I say before leaving the bedroom, and into the bathroom.

I had showered beforehand, and when the water finally turned off Lilly walked out in a black dress that she had asked me about, so she packed. Long lace stocking hind underneath the black fabric of the dress. Blue jeans, and something of a cowboy style takes over my style. She glimmers under the fluorescent lights in the hotel rooms. Grabbing our coats again we leave the hotel room for a second time today. Driving to the fancy dinner has my nerves on edge. I’m afraid of what might not even happen. Regardless, Lilly looks beautiful. I open her door, and take her hand as we walk into the restaurant. “Do you have a reservation?” The host asks me, “Yeah, under Munson.” I answer. I can see the surprised look on Lilly’s face from the corner of my face.

The dinner portion goes by quickly, steak and vegetable is what we both got. Wine sits in our wine glasses and the wild feeling grows against my chest, and lower stomach. I worry and then when I look up at Lilly it all disappears. She has a great ability to make me calm. “Deserts?” The waiter asks, I nod and so does Lilly. She orders, and then gets up. “I’ll be right back.” She says kissing my cheeks as she walks towards the back. The deserts come and so does Lilly. “Oh my god Eddie, this is great.” She murmurs with food in her mouth, I laugh even in this fancy restaurant she has dared to change how she is. I shift in my seat. No time like now I say inwardly. I get up from the chair, and walk over to the other side of the table. “Lilly?” She hums and notices I’m not in front of her anymore but at her side. Her eyes tell a story. A story of which she knows what’s about to happen. “Eddie, what are you doing?” She asks, I bit my lip for a moment. “Lilly will you do… I love you a fuck ton of a lot. I know we’ve had a few issues along the way. I want to ask you if you would do the pleasure of marrying me?” I ask, I wait on baited breath for an answer. I open the box, that damn ring I bought two years ago. “Yes Eddie… Yes I will.” She drops to her knees in front of me. I slip the ring on her finger, and a few cheers can be heard as she leans in and catches my lips.

I pay. Drive us back to the hotel. And deal with the nipping kisses that Lilly gives me on the way towards the door. But once that door opens I grab her and push her into the door shutting it. “Fuck you don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to ask you.” I murmurs into her skin as I kiss her sloppily before grabbing her thighs and pulling her up. She giggles. “Come on Lilly, let me take care of you, yeah?” I ask, I walk the both of us towards the bedroom with her lips sucking hickies into my neck. I groan at the feel on my neck, and pants. “We gotta get you out of this dress.” I say simply, “Come on Eddie!” She whines, she slips her heels off, and that pulls me into her pulling at my belt, and throwing my shirt off my chest. Clothes are landing in piles on the floor. I get the dress off her frame. Bra, and black stocking staring up at me. “God you’re beautiful.” I mutter as I lace one hand it’s hers, and the other travels up her skin leaving goosebumps in its wake. She moans softly at the feeling. Her bra comes off, nipples budding at the cold air. Stockings land on the floor, and the panties follow behind them. “God you’re soaked, such a naughty girl you are.” I groan. My own pleasure can be forgetting for now I think to myself as I get down on my knees. We are both well tuned into each other's bodies. I know that a flirt of my tongue on her clit will have her head shooting back. Moans bouncing on the hotel's walls, curses falling her pretty little mouth.

Nothing in the whole seems better than the life I’m living right now. To hell with how I managed to get such a great life. Such an apple pie life, how in the hell I’d managed such a beautiful woman to be between my shoulder blades. I pick up her legs lifting one at a time onto my shoulders. She smells like heaven as her legs open wider for me, she waits anticipating for my next move on her flavorfully body. I kiss up her thighs, hands rubbing equally on her outer thighs. She’s already a mess above me, hands flying into my hair and getting annoyed that I’m not working quick enough for her liking. But this is all in the slow motions of her body. In the best way possible I’m an absolute slave for her. I would lay my life down on the line and it would be all for her. In the name of Lilly I would do anything.

I take the first dive into her glistening cunt. Using both of my thumbs to spread her open. The cold air hits her cunt, and she moans loudly. I make sure to give equal attention to both her dripping cunt, and her clit. Sucking and nipping at the sensitive bud. Her hands dig into both the sheets, and my hair. I feel the ring. Cold hit my scalp and I love the feeling. I continue to eat her cunt, sticking the longest of my fingers into her soaked cunt I feel the plush warm walls surround my finger. A slow pump, and then another finger. There’s no need for any prep with her, but still I do it anyway.

She moans at the intrusion. I keep a good pace, licking and pumping my fingers. She stuttering, “Oh fuck, Ed!” “There you go sweet girl, you gonna cum on my fingers?” I ask her, my words mumbled by her cunt. She bucks into my fingers keeping the pace that she likes. “EDDIE!” She’s screaming at the top of her lungs. Before I know it she’s gushing. She coats my fingers and when I pull them out she whines at the loss of them. I look at her directly. Her eyes are filled with lust, and I still lift my tongue out licking each finger individually. She moans at the actions, not tired enough she pulls me up. We kiss and she tastes herself on my tongue. “Come on Eddie, I wanna ride you!” She whines. I’m not shocked by her words, but how she manages to flip them over. My back landing on the bedShe shimmies me out of my trousers. “You’re so handsome.” She says. Her hair is a mess, and when she comes back up to look at me her eyes are wide. My cock hits the cool air of the hotel room when she pulls my boxers down my thighs and throws them off to the side. Clothes are something to worry about later on.

She doesn’t hesitate to climb over my body, and sit on my thighs. Her hands are so soft, and gentle with my aching cock that I don’t even notice the change of position as she leans over and the most provocative moan falls from her lips. Her eyes squeeze shut as she takes the girth of my cock. Her warm now gooey cunt swallowed me in. Squeezing me tightly, before I’ve completely disappeared within her. Her hands land on my chest as she begins to rock. My hands are on her hips rolling with each rock. When she’s comfortable she begins to bounce. Hands still on my chest, I love the view I’m given. Breasts bouncing in front of my face it’s hard to not want to grab on to one of them and suck on them. I bit my bottom lip. Then Lilly is shifting her position yet again. Hands leaving my chest, and bracing on my ankles. I watch as my cock appears and disappears from her cunt. The sight of it all. The sight of her enjoying the ride of my cock almost makes me explode right there. I want to enjoy this though, make it as long as possible.

She cunt squeezes me, and I can’t hold on anymore. My breathes become ragged, and my eyes want to shut. I let go, without a warning for which I doubt Lilly even wants. I let go. Deep inside of her, and with that so does Lilly. Her warm insides surround my cock, and I help her through her high as she helps me through mine. Breathless moans, and shifting on the bed happen.

I don’t dare move until Lilly is breathing normally, or at least half way normal. I laugh when I open my eyes and she’s blissfully off in the distance. “God I fucking love you.” I whisper. I can’t get over how beautiful she is, how amazing she is. I stare a little longer until the cool air makes me cold. I make my way towards the en-suite. Gathering a clean washcloth, dampening it with luke-warm water. When I return she’s already half asleep. I’m careful with my motion on her sore and tender skin. Wiping away most of the mess we created before moving the sheets away from the top of the bed, and moving her under them.

I see the glint of the diamond ring under the en-suite light. I smile down at her as I set the washcloth on the tub's side, and get back to the women I love so deeply it sometimes scares me. I gather the clothes and set them into a pile. ‘For wash tomorrow’ I think to myself. I put my boxers back on and climbed underneath the sheets with her. She curls into my side as I lay down. “I love you” She mutters in her sleep. I kiss the crown of her head. Wrapping my arm around her side and pulling her as humanly possible. I fall asleep in a blissful peace, one that is rare but such a great feeling.

—

“Eddie!” I’m not sure who’s calling my voice but it’s a voice so familiar to my ears. I can’t shake the way I feel. Almost dirty as I lay there. Unable for now to wake. “Eddie seriously this isn’t funny we need to get going!” I heard more shouts. More voices. Clean and clear are the ones right above me. “Eddie, come on dude.” I’m able now to open my eyes. I'm inside of my trailer. But I was pretty sure I had fallen asleep in Indy. In a hotel room. In the arms of my girl. My girl? “Steve, just help him up!” I hear another voice yell out. “Lilly?” It’s the first word that comes to mind. “No it’s me Munson.” That’s clearly Steve’s voice, and god when was the last time someone called me Munson. “Get him up, we need to leave.” My trailer is covered in thick gooey black vines. I come to a fast realization I’m not at all where I thought I was. I take the extended hand out. Steve is still standing there with a thick bandage around his waist. “Thanks.” I mutter, he nods and then I see the ropes and the kids standing on the other side of it.

Dustin, Max, Erica, Robin all of them are there. “Where did you go dude?” I hear Steve ask as I walk over to the rope. “I’m not sure.” It’s the truth. It all felt so damn real. It was so touchable, the feelings were real too. Was Lilly? I wonder about it all as I climb the rope and land on the shitty, stain ridden bed. “Eddie? Jesus fuck I thought we had lost you there for a moment.” It’s Dustin. He's hugging me tightly. He’s young again, a kid. Stupid curly hair that I shake. “I.… Vecna?” I say, he nods his head. “Yeah we gotta come up with a plan though for this shit.” He says, I move letting Steve come through the gate.

“We gotta get a ride then.” I say, I turn to Red. “You gotta ski mask, or somethin’ like that?” I ask her,she thinks for a moment. “Yeah I’ve got on.” As we wait for her to return I think of her. I think of Lilly, but the thoughts and memories start to fade. Disappearing into the void of the upside down maybe? “What happened?” Dustin asks me. I look over at the kid, “I think I got a glimpse of another life. I was engaged, and you were old with kids and fat. Harrington and Robin were married, still not really sure why.” Steve chuckles, and Robin makes a sound of throwing up. “Not that you aren’t my type, but you aren’t.”I hear Robin say to Steve he scoffs. “One hell of a dream Munson.” Harrington says. “Yeah.” I say softly as Red comes back in with a mask. A Halloween mask to be exact. I look at the people around me. “Let’s go steal an RV!”

Completed on: 07/13/23

Posted on: 07/22/23

The Adults- @yourfavdummy @mothermirkwood

[susidestroyerofworlds]

Lets start by looking up the organization that made this graphic, "Marriage Pact" on Wikipedia:

The Marriage Pact is an annual matchmaking activity that takes place on American college campuses, by which students fill out compatibility surveys in order to find a partner among fellow participants, who they agree will be their backup "safety" spouse in the future in case they are then unmarried.

Alright, so we can now analyze a motive, this organization probably has an interest in making it look like dating as a concept is breaking down, offering their services as a replacement.

Next, lets look at the actual data, luckily they included a source of their data and the beauty of science is that we can just look up that source.

Alright, having looked up the source, it appears this is wrongly cited but I found M. J. Rosenfeld's Website which includes this version of the graph (i dont have time to comb through all this data so I will assume this is a decent representation)

First thing we might notice is that meeting people in bars and restaurants actually went up, not down. This is explained through Marriage Pact having cleaned the data, as they say in the subscript.

Overall, we can still see that meeting online is eclipsing other forms of meeting partners. Now comes the question: Does this actually show "the gradual loss of all community in modern society"?

Since this is all based on the source of Rosenfeld's paper, lets read it (but actually you are not going to read it so I will read it and summarize it to the best of my ability (I am a computer science student, so I am not familiar with the field but know how to read a paper)).

First of all, this paper is concerned with dating through friends and family vs dating through matchmaking, for this purpose it presents two Hypotheses to explain this rise in online dating: 1. Friends and Family still mediate dating, but online through Facebook and such. 2. Friends and Family are not mediating dating online and its rather corporations and matchmaking services (which, fun fact, could very well include "Marriage Pact" meaning they could use this data to present themselves as "the future of dating").

Having read the paper, hypothesis 2 seems to be much more likely, for a variety of reasons. Id like to present you with this paragraph from the discussion of the paper:

The apparent displacement of meeting through friends by meeting online suggests a process of technology‐driven disintermediation. Individuals used to need personal intermediaries, usually friends or family members, to introduce them to new people. Now that the Internet makes a large choice set of potential partners available, the intermediation of friends and family is relied upon less. The role of family as matchmaker had been already in decline for most of the late 20th century, as later age at first marriage and the independence of young adults has removed dating and matchmaking from the oversight of parents (Rosenfeld 2007).

The paper identifies some important factors in preferring to date online compared to date in ways mediated through friends and family:

Dating through friends and family requires your friends and family to know your dating preferences and your potential partners, which you might not want

Dating a "perfect stranger" gives some discretion compared to dating a friends friend

Dating online inherently adds a layer of personal safety. If it turns out your potential date is a creep or just an asshole, you can block them and never hear from them again, compared to someone you meet through a friend, who is decently close to you in your social network, making them hard to avoid if you prefer not to date them

e-Dating platforms have more accurate and up-to-date information. Humorous example: Your mom tells you about this guy who is really into computers, just like you! She arranges a date and now you, a retrocomputing enthusiast, are sitting across the restaurant table from a developer of high-speed trading algorithms who helped your mom set up a printer 2 years ago.

e-Dating platforms have more people. Your friend might know 20 people decently well, meanwhile there is millions of users of the dating app you are using

Conclusion

looking at all this information about the study and its results, as well as the factors the paper identifies, I dont think this study shows the "gradual loss of all community in modern society" and the graph shows that even less. Most social contact is not dating and this study specifically focuses on dating, with the paper explaining reasons for wanting to date online that dont apply to other forms of socializing all that much (although they still do of course).

Is there a "gradual loss of all community in modern society"? I dont fucking know, what am I, a sociologist? But I can tell you that if there is, this graph isnt sufficient evidence for it

[petewentz-livejournal]

December 4, 2001

“i keep her heart in a box next to my bed and take it out sometimes before i go to sleep…”

[10:30 pm]

[  Current Music    |   the cure: all  ]

what’s up. it’s been awhile. we had one of the best and worst weekends as a band ever. our record release was great- kids went pretty insane and we sold a bunch of cds. however, our trip to cleavland was horrid.

first, we leave late for the show. next we get a flat outside of toledo- the tow truck guy picks us up in a van to go and get a tire. on the way i tell him we are in town for the adult film festival. a half hour later we get another flat. this time 20 miles outside of cleavland. the towtruck driver tells us that we won’t be able to get a tire that night as he tows us. at least he buys a cd cause i tell him we sound like slipknot. i then call the promoter and tell her our story, i tell her to have our friends in the band Deadtofall come pick us up cause they are from chicago too. instead she gets super pissy and is all “i’m coming to get you, i’m leaving the show unattended… blah blah”. she gets to the toll plaza that we are stuck at and we grab our guitars and some cds and get in. the whole ride she bitches at me about how she thinks this is our fault and shit. we get to the show and borrow deadtofall and the funeral’s stuff and play one of the worst shows we have ever played, honestly we were so sloppy. this had something to do with playing on other equipment and so forth. we sold a couple of cds anyway which was nice. 100 demons was supposed to play next on santa sangres equipment but since they broke up, they were going to use our equipment but we had none because of the flats… to make a long story short they weren’t given any equipment and got pretty pissed off. people ended up demanding money back- they wanted some- in the end we got paid nothing (because of the hassle we “created” by getting two flats) and ended up spending a fortune on getting towed and new tires. deadtofall drove some of us home that night and some slept in the toll plaza and waited till morning to walk two miles to get a new tire. on the way a cop stopped them and when giving them ride informed them he had picked up 100 demons the night before for having drugs in their van. yikes. ah you win some you lose some.

the dates for our winter tour:

12.30 evansville, in - 7a7p

12.31 cincinatti, Oh- 7a7p

1.1 syracuse-w/ throwdown

1.2 ottawa, on-w/throwdown

1.3 montreal, pq -throwdown

1.4 long island, ny

1.5 philly

1.6 nyc-w/throwdown

and a review of our new record from hanging like a hex fanzine:

“This easily wins scariest layout of the year award. Very blunt, very graphic, and very disturbing, this Chicago piledriver unleases it’s most solid work to date. Whereas I really liked what they were doing before, but felt that they dragged out their songs, and overloaded them with too much baggage at times, this debut full length simplifies things a bit. The heaviness and technicality is still there in spades, but the songs have shortened up a bit, and are a bit more concise, which is something this band really needed. And it works really well. Playing pummelling metalcore with down-tuned riffing, and a heavily pessimistic view of the world, Arma just crush everything in their path, and continue to maim with no concern for the past, present, or future. It’s a great effort with supurb recording (heavy on the bass I might add) and a bleak outlook.”

in other good news i’m finally gonna get to hang out with this girl i have been missing for the past month or so. shes come’s into town tommorrow- yep.

love petey

[namelessmewmew]

Old Art Archive Part 1.

I want to keep this old art on this blog but not retag all the original posts, so going to do what I did for my sideblogs and delete the original posts but reupload them in batches with no tags except an archive tag. This also allows me to (even if I don't have the spoons right now, to add image descriptions to these at a later date).

Original captions under the cut.

I have like over 150 ocs that need refs/redesigns [and many in that 150 that whose design is only in my head] but I only seem to be able to make new characters right now so have this kitty! I have been thinking about tv heads alot lately but also really like kitty robots so kitty Tv Head, [They are also based a bit on a heart rate monitor, they might end up being like a walking heart monitor nurse in a hospital or something, I have alot of medical bots because I think thats cool.]

Felt like trying to give this girl digital colours and starting to figure out how this girl will be personality wise. Likely will have this girl be a graphic designer or an artist in some other regard.

The main form in the center is his preferred form, he is a from a shapeshifting species called Nederians/Nederans [not sure about that] and he is part of a group of Nederians/Nederans that theme themselves after sweets/sweet stuff.

Another guy in the same Group as Mallow [The marshmallow guy I posted earlier]. To clear possible confusion shes a guy. [Lesbians and other w|w using He/Him pronouns and Gay men and other m|m using She/Her pronouns is something that has been part of lgbt culture for quite a while!]

Just your local tired catdude [Been wanting a new icon for a while so here it is].

Vanilla + Strawberry icecream themed guy, Of course another one of the sugar group [want to come up with a better name but not sure what yet].

Orange Flavoured Soda themed guy. They are also a very bubbly dude [Yes literally as well]. I have like 3 more members of the sugar group [still need a better name] to draw some concepts for.

This guy was designed at a completely different time and originally was not meant to be part of the same group [sugar group] but decided to have them be a part of it. Instead on being based on a real food or sweet thing, they are based on a in universe food called Starbites  [Either Gum or Lollipops, haven't decided yet, that have starbust in them and are very fizzy]

I am not 100% on its colours [as well their design as a whole] but I just wanted to try to start to figure out how their design may work. It is meant to be different flavours of Gummy bears melted together.

She is meant to be based on chocolate as a whole [white, milk and dark] but She could also work as a Red Velvet or Dark Forest themed character maybe?

She is meant to be based on chocolate as a whole [white, milk and dark] but She could also work as a Red Velvet or Dark Forest themed character maybe?

Make make them into an oc, though might change their colours as its pretty monotone right now. Just a little gif and test how long it takes to make a simple piece like this with a very simple character design. 45 minutes this is based on a random game note I found on my 3DS.

Decided to change the expression and shade the main pic in her concept sheet because it did take me quite a bit to get it done [started it days ago but went into a very bleh feeling phrase again physically]. Im fairly certain Pup counts as a Sparklewolf? Might redesign their tail and add some more colourful markings idk. Love the way her colours look, its like a sunset [and dawn I think]. If the little faces on the side are confusing [I really cant tell if I properly bring the point across with just the drawings]: Top one is Pups being confused/not understanding something Middle is her not being about to concentrate and think as their are too many sources of noise [ I often have this issue ] Her fidgeting with a pop-it, its a really cool thing and has made going out for groceries something a bit less stressful.

Based on a white [and green and yellow greenish] pumpkins. I very much want to make more of these guys. Yeah I dont have much else to say, uh, I like her markings alot. My brain is veery tired so not many words.

Bunny Tv Head! With antenna ears as I just think making animal ears with tv antennas is cool. The magic electricity legs are also very bouncy [so they are also like springs].  My brain is still very tired so dont have anything of substance to say.

So Xe is a Ghost pony but Xe is also part fire? Idk might add more to this "species" if I can think of anything else. I really like xem colours. Adopted from and was originally by ItzAnnaDraws03 [on deviantart]

Very slight redesign [and first digital] concept for them.  Changed her a bit, because despite the fact I think its important to have gnc characters [including gnc transfem characters], there is also important to have well not gnc trans characters. [I dont know if I'm making sense, I guess what I'm saying yes transfem characters liking/being okay with /wanting facial hair is good but the opposite is also important and good]. Love the colours of their outfit, also I really like giving character dangly earrings.

[pwblogarchive]

December 2001

December 4, 2001

“i keep her heart in a box next to my bed and take it out sometimes before i go to sleep…”

|10:30 pm]

[       Current Music         |       the cure: all  ]

what’s up. it’s been awhile. we had one of the best and worst weekends as a band ever. our record release was great- kids went pretty insane and we sold a bunch of cds. however, our trip to cleavland was horrid.

first, we leave late for the show. next we get a flat outside of toledo- the tow truck guy picks us up in a van to go and get a tire. on the way i tell him we are in town for the adult film festival. a half hour later we get another flat. this time 20 miles outside of cleavland. the towtruck driver tells us that we won’t be able to get a tire that night as he tows us. at least he buys a cd cause i tell him we sound like slipknot. i then call the promoter and tell her our story, i tell her to have our friends in the band Deadtofall come pick us up cause they are from chicago too. instead she gets super pissy and is all “i’m coming to get you, i’m leaving the show unattended… blah blah”. she gets to the toll plaza that we are stuck at and we grab our guitars and some cds and get in. the whole ride she bitches at me about how she thinks this is our fault and shit. we get to the show and borrow deadtofall and the funeral’s stuff and play one of the worst shows we have ever played, honestly we were so sloppy. this had something to do with playing on other equipment and so forth. we sold a couple of cds anyway which was nice. 100 demons was supposed to play next on santa sangres equipment but since they broke up, they were going to use our equipment but we had none because of the flats… to make a long story short they weren’t given any equipment and got pretty pissed off. people ended up demanding money back- they wanted some- in the end we got paid nothing (because of the hassle we “created” by getting two flats) and ended up spending a fortune on getting towed and new tires. deadtofall drove some of us home that night and some slept in the toll plaza and waited till morning to walk two miles to get a new tire. on the way a cop stopped them and when giving them ride informed them he had picked up 100 demons the night before for having drugs in their van. yikes. ah you win some you lose some.

the dates for our winter tour:

12.30 evansville, in - 7a7p

12.31 cincinatti, Oh- 7a7p

1.1 syracuse-w/ throwdown

1.2 ottawa, on-w/throwdown

1.3 montreal, pq -throwdown

1.4 long island, ny

1.5 philly

1.6 nyc-w/throwdown

and a review of our new record from hanging like a hex fanzine:

“This easily wins scariest layout of the year award. Very blunt, very graphic, and very disturbing, this Chicago piledriver unleases it’s most solid work to date. Whereas I really liked what they were doing before, but felt that they dragged out their songs, and overloaded them with too much baggage at times, this debut full length simplifies things a bit. The heaviness and technicality is still there in spades, but the songs have shortened up a bit, and are a bit more concise, which is something this band really needed. And it works really well. Playing pummelling metalcore with down-tuned riffing, and a heavily pessimistic view of the world, Arma just crush everything in their path, and continue to maim with no concern for the past, present, or future. It’s a great effort with supurb recording (heavy on the bass I might add) and a bleak outlook.”

in other good news i’m finally gonna get to hang out with this girl i have been missing for the past month or so. shes come’s into town tommorrow- yep.

love petey

December 9, 2001

“ bootcut jean and black t-shirt hardcore” 

fallout boy played tonight. it was fun the rest of the Angelus didn’t show up, oh well.

some people have been writing asking about posters and shit… if you want one.. just send a buck to 900 forest wilmette, il 60091 and i will send one right out with some stickers and stuff.

oh yeah, if a show is not posted on here then we are not playing it…

love pete

December 19, 2001

“Faithless is he who says farewell just as the path darkens”

hey lovers,

so i have been having a horrible week. i’m not even sure why. i guess cause i’m really alone. nobody is really around and it’s cold as hell. then i read this horrible review of our record- on most days it would make me laugh but last night it was the worst. most of the reviews have been good but this one trashed it “horrible, gutteral vocals… droning guitars” haha.

it made up for it though when i went to Lord of the Rings at midnight last night. easily one of the best movies of the last decade. phenomonal.

i dunno, also we’ve been trying to write as a band lately and it’ been good at times and horrible at others. we’ll see how it turns out-

here’s the new and final dates for tour:

12/30-Indianapolis,IN-venue-Festvilla more info ryaneversole@hotmail.com  with 7 Angels 7 Plagues

12/31-Cincinnatti,OH-venue-The Void more info xbyefornowx@aol.com with 7 Angels 7 Plagues

1/1-Syracuse,NY-venue-Armory High with Throwdown,Converge,Bleeding Through

½-Ottawa,ON-venue-Club Saw more info deteriorating@hotmail.com with Throwdown and Bleeding Through

1/3-Montreal,PQ-venue-Salle'X more info xthemonopolyx@hotmail.com with Throwdown and Bleeding Through

¼-Long Island,NY-venue-TBA more info onedaysave@aol.com

1/5-Philadelphia,PA-venue-Chord more info skatter@skatterhq.com with Punishment,Dark Day Dawning

1/6-New York City,NY-venue-CBGB’S more info a1000knives666@aol.com with Throwdown,Bleeding Through,From Autumn to Ashes,plus more.

this is farewell to falling in love with all the wrong hearts and screaming the worst stories you’ve ever heard. i’ll confide only in paper and die by the phone on saturday nights (no love is safe)…

come out and hang out with us.

pete

December 19, 2001

“an empty house and a cold bed”

whoops. i read back that last entry and realized that i whipped it off like shit, it doesn’t really make alot of sense. okay so the follow up- i think more of how i have been feeling lately is like- i look bac five years, almost 10 years and i’m in the same place i was then. i live in the bedroom i grew up in at my parents house. i am trying to finish school and i am still doing hardcore bands. living this thing. i dunno it kind of got me down- like i feel like i hven’t eally made any progress, like i haven’t grown up at all. whatever. does that even make anymore sense? like i don’t really feel like being alive but at the same time i don’t want to be dead. so i trod through life being neiher alive or dead… anyway here’s my week:

thursday- fallout boy practice, fallout boy show in milwaukee

friday- fallout boy recording, Arma Angelus show with deadtofall, then fallout boy is playing on loyola radio.

saturday- fallout boy recording, sleep

oh yeah come see Arma Angelus at the fireside Dec. 28 if you are around: it’s with Knives Out (ex-american nightmare) and Suicide Note.

Goodnight.

p

December 30, 2001

“what’s inside? is it just guts and black stuff? i’ll find out soon.”

 

so we’re leaving right now on tour. hopefully i will see some of you soon. if we owe you some gear and what not come up to me at a show and i will hook you up. otherwise have a great new year. no heat in a van to canada- yes.

love pete

[consistantly-changing]

[Image descriptions in order: several screenshots of an article titled "A Trans Guy's Guide to Picking Up a Trans Girl" by Gabe Dunn, posted on June 18, 2024]

[Transcripts from the first reblog: I'd normally avoid going to someone's house or having someone to your house on a first date, but this is another point trans men have over cis men. It's not as likely that a woman would "choose the bear" over us. It's a cliché, and maybe has a dab of sexism to it that we're not perceived as the same level of dangerous as a cis man, but, hey, it's okay to use a little societal conditioning to our advantage.]

[What's the brand of her adorable thigh-highs? Is she wearing her "season" as told to her by a TikTok color analyst? Did you once have a heart shaped choker just like that when you were a woman? Start there.

Only compliment her on what she can control or what is mostly non-sexual. No great tits, even if they are great tits. (You can compliment those later.) For now, we go to "beautiful eyes" or "nice hair" or "cute clothes" and then we add a specific.]

[If you do go over there to play Fallout: New Vegas, bring some seltzers or snacks. If she comes to you, have your fridge stocked. Ask her for her drink of choice for Final Fantasy. Check if she's vegan or gluten-free. And for god's sake, vacuum up a little.]

[The comment from the second reblog: Johnny, on June 20, 2024 at 10:52 AM; The position of this article appears to be "Trans women are women and trans men are ALSO women so it's totally chill for them to be creepy."

The unspoken corollary of "when I was a woman" that every trans woman will hear is "when you were a MAN" so don't fucking do that shit.

It's the year 2024. Hasn't everyone realized that softboi, male feminist bullshit is played out- and that the whole "man lite" thing is transphobic AF?

If you think you're a kinder, gentler, "safer" type of man by virtue of being trans.... what message does that send her about what kind of woman you think she is?]

[The images from tranfalgarlaw's reblog:

"Your shirt is so cool. Is it a reference to something? Oh, a DnD podcast? Which one? I always wished I'd gotten into that but I'd have no idea where to start."]

[Sometimes with trans people, we're so worried about being vulnerable or so unused to being hit on in a serious way, we might not communicate date intentions well or understand we're being asked out. And since you've hopefully dropped into the conversation that you're also trans, she won't have the anxiety of wondering if she has to out herself to you and risk negative results.]

[make such a mistake. The work of leaving the house as a trans person deserves recognition—even if that work is just how she styled her Fiona Apple graphic tee or her choice of running sneakers. Compliment her with more]

[friends?

She could be a nightlife trans woman, who maybe had a great run as a gay guy and who still revels in that environment. She could be an outdoorsy girl who hikes with her queer girl friends on the weekends and loves gym selfies. She could be the more introverted type who wants to whoop your ass at video games all night.

I'd normally avoid going to someone's house or having someone to your house on a first date,]

Link to the article:

They've done it, y'all.

They made T4T pickup artistry